#SJMaas

[dawntoducks]

“Autumn court males have fire in their blood-and they fuck like it too.”

sjm I’m a visual learner

[sydneymack]

Azriel and Elain - A Court of Thorns and Roses

Artist: @bychoggy_

[darkest-fantasy]

I can just imagine Elain and Lucien stuck at an Inn. Lucien is hurt, it is raining, they’re both frustrated. Then it all comes out all at once, all the feelings bottled up after all these years.

“I burn for you. I burn for someone who does not feel the same!”

“You burn for me?” Elain asks, one hand placed over her throat.

“Why do you think I went to find Vassa? With no army, no resources? Completely blind into dangerous territory?” He says in a whisper.

Elain takes a step back, her back hitting the wall, shaking her head in disbelief. “I-”

Lucien lowers his head but takes a step forward, closing in on them. He places a hand on the wall behind them. Elain can feel his heat elapse along his skin.

“I’ve burned for you even before I knew you were my mate. I burned for you when I broke out of those restraints. I’ve burned for you the second I laid my eyes on you.”

There was one single pause, and then Elain felt the tug, his heart, his heat.

“I burn for you.” Elain could not believe she said it, that it finally all came out.

[mythicalcookie]

Do you know why Gwynriel has the biggest potential to be the healthiest couple in the entire SJM universe?

"I accept them as they are"

That's why.

[acourtofmishapandmistakes]

Cassian: Hey

Nesta: Hi

Cassian: If my head ever comes off, I would like you to put it on ice.

Nesta: I do not want to talk about this.

Cassian: If I ever die, I wanna be frozen. And if they have to freeze me in pieces, so be it.

Cassian: I will wake up stronger than ever because I will have used that time to figure out exactly why I died and what moves I could have used to defend myself better now that I know what hold he had me in.

[bookstantrash]

A/N: And I am back in my "Nessian with RED (TV) fic titles" agenda. They are just so RED coded and I had been dying to write something related to this album it is one of my fav albums of TS tbf.

This one shot is more Cassian centric, and it is also a type of fanfic I had been meaning to write for the longest times. I just feel like the fandom overall forgets that Cassian has a lot of trauma and insecurities, and I wish we saw more of that.

Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound

Nightmares were not unusual to Cassian. He had them for as long as he could remember.

He had them when he was a mere child living on the outskirts of Windhaven, blowing on his hands to try and keep himself warm.

Had them when he was a young warrior, taking part in the Blood Rite, fighting his way to find his brothers alive.

Had them when he took part in the First War and saw deaths far more gruesome than what he had experienced at the Blood Rite.

Had them pile up after each war, each battle he took part in. Dreamt about his soldiers dying, about having to give their families the news and be met with sadness, anger and resentment. That they were gone and would never return. That while they had died he, a mere bastard born nobody, an orphan, had not.

He grew used to nightmares. Usually he would wake up with silent tears and a sense of regret and failure over his heart, spending the rest of the night awake, going over reports. Those were the good nights.

And on those rare times when his mind was particularly evil and wanted to punish him deeply, on those nights he would wake up with his heart racing, the urge to throw up taking him out of his bed to leave him retching over the toilet, the need to scream at anyone and everyone consuming him. To scream in anger and despair. Those were the bad nights, the ones who made him go to the training ring and rip the punching bags, made him stay there until the sun was rising and he would pass out with tiredness, no dreams, good or bad appearing for him.

He was so used to his nightmares that he knew what to expect, knew how to recognise when it would be a bad or good night.

And then he met Nesta and his nightmares changed.

Now he dreamt of his failures with her. Not being able to stop her from being thrown into the Cauldron, not protecting her from Hybern during the War, not helping her heal sooner after the war, letting her be kidnapped again and thrown in the Blood Rite.

Nothing could have prepared him for those nightmares, nightmares that got worse after they finally got together.

Because finally being able to be with the love of his life, his Nesta, his wife and mate… that made him incredibly afraid. Afraid that the happiness he had never felt before would be stolen from him, leaving him empty, a sad and lonely youngling in the bitter snow all over again.

The first time Cassian had a nightmare after he and Nesta had wed, he had woken up in a cold sweat, heart beating so loudly on his ears that for a second he thought he was hearing the Illyrian war drums. He had dreamt of the night she had been Made, of dragging himself over the cold floor of Hybern’s throne room, the pain of his shredded and bloody wings almost non-existent at the face of Nesta’s despair. At her screams of rage as she was dragged under the cold dark waters of the Cauldron.

He had only calmed down when he realised Nesta was safely sleeping beside him, arms around him tightening and her sleepily mumbling at him.

“Where are you going?”

Cassian had considered untangling himself from his wife’s warm embrace and going over some leftover documents, silently keeping watch over her. But one look at her sleeping face had his resolve weakening.

“Nowhere, Nes” he had settled beside her, dropping a kiss on her forehead “Go back to sleep”

Whenever Cassian had a nightmare, he would try his best to not wake up Nesta. He did not want to bother her with his worries and fears. And somehow the Mother must have taken pity on him, because he was scarcely having any bad nights since they'd gotten married. Sure, he still had nightmares, but those made him want to rip his own heart out had stopped.

He took that as a small blessing. He would take the good nights over no dreams if that meant that the unbearable nightmares would be kept at bay.

However, Nesta was not oblivious that something preyed on her husband’s mind. She had noticed how worn out he was, how when he smiled at her and said nothing was wrong his smile did not reach his eyes.

But Nesta wanted Cassian himself to tell her what was happening. Wanted him to open his heart about what was making the circles beneath his eyes darker with each passing day without her having to dig it out of him. He had told her months ago during that hike at Illyria that she could be silent and he would be waiting for her to open up when she felt comfortable, as long as she did not shut him out. Now Nesta would do the same. She would wait beside him, offering her support however she could until he was ready to talk.

“You are unusually quiet today,” Nesta noted. They were resting on the sofa in front of the fireplace — Nesta reading a book and Cassian lying down, his head on her lap — having a quiet late evening after the training session with the Valkyries in the morning.

“Missing the sound of my lovely voice, Nes? Should I read out loud a paragraph from your book?” Cassian teased, opening an eye. He had slept poorly the night before, and the quiet sound of the embers crackling on the fireplace and his mate absentmindedly running her free hand through his hair had him battling sleep.

“No,” she closed her book, “it was merely an observation.”

Cassian closed his eyes again, smiling softly.

“Are you sure? I am certain the House would love to hear all about your newest smutty book”

The faelights flicked twice, as if agreeing with him.

“Oh hush now, you can read it after I am done with it. ” Nesta said, glaring at the ceiling “I never knew a sentient being more impatient”

Cassian laughed. At first he had been surprised when Nesta talked to the House, but he had grown used to it, even talking to It on more than one occasion.

“Do you want to move to our room?” Nesta asked, gently running her hands through his hair “it is more comfortable than the couch”

Cassian merely sighed “No, I am very comfortable like this” he turned on his side, arms circling her waist and wings dropping a little on the floor “I am afraid I will keep you hostage while I nap.”

Whatever Nesta meant to say was lost when she noticed how his breath had eased, her mate having already fallen asleep. And before she could even ask, the House flicked off the faelights, drawing shut the curtains of the room they had turned into their living room.

“Thank you,” Nesta found it quite endearing how the House had grown to care about Cassian as much as It cared about her. In the beginning, It liked to play pranks on him and even sided with Nesta whenever she and Cassian had an argument — once It locked Cassian outside and only let him in when he apologised. Over time, however, they had formed a rather close friendship.

Nesta opened her book again, turning on the small faelight that Azriel had gifted her on Solstice. She had just gotten to the juicy part and she knew that little light would not wake Cassian any time soon if the way he was softly breathing was any indication of how deeply he was sleeping.

She had read half of the book when she felt an uneasy feeling through the bond. She looked down at Cassian and saw his breathing getting uneven, his arms tightening around her waist.

“Cass?” Nesta whispered softly, setting her book aside. She could feel his fear and anguish through the bond, and it pained her that she could do nothing to ease his pain.

Cassian whimpered, and although Nesta knew better than to wake up someone having a nightmare, she could not stand to see him in such pain.

“Cassian, wake up, please” she tugged on her end of the bond, her hands cupping his face. He woke up gasping, hazel eyes huge and scared.

“A bucket,” he managed to say as he scrambled up, his breathing erratic “I need—”

No sooner had the House made a bucket appear than Cassian was on his knees, emptying his stomach. Nesta kneeled beside him, holding his hair back and rubbing his back.

“It is okay, everything is fine now” she said softly.

The House made a glass of water and a towel appear, Nesta thanking It quietly. Cassian had closed his eyes, breathing as if he had just learned how to.

“Hey,” she grabbed his face “open your eyes Cass.”

His hands came up, grabbing her wrists like he was wandering at the sea and she was his lifeline.

“That is it, just look at me” she said softly yet firmly, his scared hazel eyes meeting her blue-grey ones “Breath, Cassian.”

Nesta took a deep breath, holding it in for a few seconds before letting it go slowly. Cassian copied her, and after a few minutes his breathing had become normal again, his racing heart also slowing down.

“I am sorry,” that was the first thing he said, voice hoarse “I did not want you to see me like this”

“Nonsense,” Nesta dismissed, giving him the glass of water and making him drink it “you have seen me in much worse conditions”

“Are you ready to tell me what is going on?” she asked.

Cassian nodded his head, biding his time by taking another sip of water and using the towel to clean his mouth.

“For as long as I could remember I’ve had nightmares,” he began “There are the good nightmares and bad nightmares. The good ones usually wake me and leave me with a feeling of failure.”

Nesta remembered the nights in which she would wake up to an empty bed, Cassian going over reports — she would sit on his lap and give remarks as he went over them —  or just standing on their balcony. On those nights she would go over to him and bring him back to bed.

“I am cold” she would say, and he would hug her tightly and Nesta would let him think that she did not notice how he needed the hug more than she did.

She could always feel his sadness through the bond, no matter how hard he tried to close his end of that golden thread that binds them together so intrinsically.

“And the bad ones?” Nesta quietly asked.

“The bad ones leave me like this,” he said with a self deprecating laugh “A complete and utter mess, barely functioning.”

“You have been sleeping poorly for a while now. Why didn’t you talk to me?” Cassian must have seen the hurt on her eyes, felt it through the bond, because he grabbed her hands, squeezing them.

“I am not good with words, I am sure you have noticed that,” he smiled weakly “I wish I was half as eloquent as you are.”

“You managed just fine in our wedding” she said with an arched eyebrow, and that got a real laugh out of him.

“I was inspired that day, I will admit.” he got serious again “But I think that maybe spending a lot of time being alone and angry did not help with my inability to find the right words to express what I am feeling. And to share my problems with others.”

Nesta had noticed this particular trait of Cassian, especially after she had stopped keeping him at arms lengths and had finally allowed herself to admit what she felt for him. He loved his family deeply, would put himself at risk for others in a heartbeat, would always have a happy face and joke to lighten the mood.

He cared for and about everyone, but what about him? Who did the same to him?

Nesta wanted to be the one with whom he could discard his happy mask and show a range of emotions.

“You can always talk to me Cassian,” she said “Anytime, no matter what.”

“I don't want to burden you. You already went through so much that to further worry you with something as silly as a nightmare—”

“I cannot believe you are saying this,” Nesta said, and Cassian could feel her anger and disappointment through the bond “You could never burden me and for you to even suggest otherwise—”

“I am your wife, Cassian. Your mate. If I don’t care and worry about you, who will?” she continued after taking a deep breath to calm herself “Besides, it is not a silly nightmare if it affected you this way”

Cassian stayed a few minutes quiet, mindlessly playing with her wedding band, brows furrowed in concentration.

“Another reason I was hesitant to talk to you about the nightmares is because— because now I have nightmares about you, Nes” he avoided her eyes while he talked, still focused on her hands “The good nightmares are the ones about my failures with you. Not stopping Hybern, not helping you sooner…”

Nesta’s heart almost broke when he said that. How could he think that about himself when he had been the one to tell her months ago when they visited the old shabby cottage she had lived with her family in poverty that there was nothing she could have done to stop Hybern and save her father?

“And the bad?” she asked, wishing he would look at her.

“The bad ones are about you dying in my arms. About you realising I am nothing more than a bastard born nobody, who is not deserving  of even the air you breathe and then leaving to go travel the world, to marry a king from the continent or from other fae lands.” his voice got quieter, almost a whisper, as if he was afraid of telling her what he saw on those nights “Of you simply leaving me and never looking back.”

“Tonight— tonight was a bad one,” he finally looked at her and his face was so utterly wrecked with pain and desperation that Nesta wanted to tell him that she would stop his nightmares, that she would bargain with the Mother and even that blasted Cauldron to leave him alone.

“I dreamt that when Briallyn ordered me to kill I could not turn the knife on myself. So I killed you. And she got the Mask and kept reviving you so I had to kill you over and over and over again” silent tears started running down his face and her heart truly shattered.

She hugged him tight, Cassian burying his head on her shoulder.

“Shh xe nhia, I am here,” Nesta knew a few words in Illyrian, and she hoped that the use of them, the familiarity that they brought, would help Cassian “I am not leaving you. Not now and not ever”

“However, if you keep trying to spoil my books I might become Ems’ newest house mate” she joked, making Cassian laugh.

“I would be completely lost without you Nes,” he said with a weak smile.

“I know,” she tenderly brushed his cheeks, drying his tears “Promise me something?”

“Anything you desire”

“Promise me you will wake me up when you have another nightmare, be it ‘good’ or ‘bad’. Promise me you will talk to me and let me be beside you when you are in need.” she pleaded.

“I promise” Cassian kissed her cheek, gathering her in his arms and walking towards their bedroom. Reluctantly setting her down, he went to their bathroom to freshen up while Nesta changed out of her dress.

Cassian walked back in to find her wearing one his favourite sweaters.

“I had been looking for that sweater”

“You were? Funny how it ended up in my drawer. Maybe the House put it there by mistake” Nesta shrugged, knowing very well that she had been the one to steal it. She was constantly stealing Cassian’s clothes.

“You do look better on it than me, so I think I can forgive that small mishap” he said, getting under the covers and hugging Nesta close.

“I love you, Nes” he whispered in her ear “And thank you”

“I love you too, Cass,” she replied, snuggling closer to him.

And that night, for the first time in a long while, Cassian had no nightmares.

•

tag list: @sayosdreams @perseusannabeth @arinbelle @letstakethedawn @katekatpattywack @nestaarcheron @imagine-me @sv0430 @starryblueskies7 @live-the-fangirl-life @valkyriewarriors @readskk @wannawriteyouabook @imwritingthesewords @rainbowcheetah512 @moodymelanist @castielspelvis

[Reblogs/likes/comments are always welcomed!!]

[tuluaart]

I love Nesta with all my heart and nobody can change that.

Her trauma and her story had a huge impact on me and her healing journey makes ACOSF my fav book from the serie. She's not perfect and she isn't supposed to be. But that makes her more human than anybody in the serie. And despite her flaws... she deserves to heal, to make friends and create a family, but most of all, she deserves love.❤

[i-only-see-daylight]

Nesta: I wonder who’s ruining my life. 

Nesta: *looks in the mirror* So we meet again.

[starborn15]

I was thinking of something while watching outlander.

As we know SJM loves outlander and you can find small pieces of it throughout her work. To me and many others Jamie is the most like Lucien and while watching season 3 finale it reminded me of something:

One of Elain’s visions:

“I can hear the sea, even at night even in my dreams. The crashing sea — and the screams of a bird made of fire.”

At the end of season 3 Jamie and Claire’s boat crashes and Claire is drowning and she’s thinking:

“I was dead. Everything around me was a blinding white. And there was a soft rushing sound like the wings of angels. I felt peaceful. And bodiless. Free of terror. Free of rage. Filled with a quiet happiness.”

Now, in an interview SJM mentioned how when she was thinking of ideas for Elain’s book she was gardening and tearing away at ivy and how the ivy would be “strangling” Elain at night because it doesn’t not want to let go. So this moment with Claire could parallel two moments; The cauldron experience for Elain, as she did not fight. Or if Elain ends up traveling with Lucien, Jurian and Vassa to Koschei and something similar occurs.

But Lucien isn’t a Bird of Fire?!

No he’s not; but his father is a bird of light, a light that countered that of Rhys’ darkness. Which brings me back to Claire’s speech; “everything around me was blinding white, soft rushing sound like wings of angels.”

It has been hinted at that Lucien does posses this magic: In Hybern, with Feyre in ACOWAR and in ACOSF with Cassian. His power being “Flame-Licked”

Which leads me to wonder if Elain is put in a similar position where her life is in danger again, will we see more of Lucien’s power? And this image is indeed Elucien because it mirrors the popular elucien image where the scared man is looking down at the female:

Also when Feyre, Rhys and Lucien all meet in the woods Feyre imagines a painting.

“The cunning fox stared down winged Death.”

In a lot of the art for elucien there is this theme of light, the moon, skulls, flowers, foxes. So it’s interesting to think about.

[certifieddorianandcassiansimp]

Azriel headcannon

I know I’m supposed to be writing but I don’t want to rn

I’ve had this on my phone so long I don’t know who drew it but it has a signature So we know from Rhys’s story on Azriel’s past that his scars on his hands were due to fire, he was helpless while it was happening, and I feel he would have trauma because of it. Possibly even PTSD. So the Shadowsinger, who’s afraid of nothing, I think would be afraid of flames. An irrational fear too.

reblogs appreciated

[bluedietcoke]

y’all love the morally gray, snarky, grief stricken characters until it’s a woman. i’ve seen so much discourse regarding female characters who display the exact same character traits as male leads and are criticized for it while the men are praised. let women be cruel and vindictive. let them deal with their grief and trauma in destructive ways. let them be real. give them the same treatment you would give to your favorite male love interest.

[sydneymack]

Rhys and Feyre - A Court of Thorns and Roses

Artist: @_.yumiiko._

[darkest-fantasy]

Gwyn being argued as some enchantress that manipulates Azriel and his Shadows has been the worst theory to come from this fandom EVER.. and I’ve been with this series since the beginning(2015)

Trying to find any crumb of a flaw from this courageous, empathetic, and positive character has made me so upset about the fandom. It is making elriels seem like they are crumbling under themselves.

Resorting to calling Gwyn a manipulator because you cannot BELIEVE that Azriel would EVER have a positive reaction to Gwyn is desperate beyond reason. If you actually think that Sarah J Maas will have a character like Gwyn become some evil enchantress or manipulator, then you don’t know her as an author at all. Gwyn has inspired THOUSANDS in the fandom. Her story might even be the most horrific one that sjm has ever written. Her ability to overcome trauma, be so positive, and even begin the entire Valkyries again will leave a long lasting impact in the entire series. If you think for one second that sjm will ruin the entire beauty that is Gwyneth Berdara, you’re again very wrong.

The fact that Gwynriel’s could easily say the same thing about Elain’s unknown powers and how Azriel could be manipulated by them. But we don’t say that because we understand that they are attracted to eachother. We acknowledge that they have a natural connection. But we also recognize that their attraction for eachother are for the wrong reasons. We understand how sjm closes the aspect of a couple and that’s what she did in the bonus chapter.

As someone who has literally seen it all, has been gaslit for saying feysand was endgame before ACOMAF, this by FAR is the worst theory that anyone could say about an ACOTAR character. This is the worst take and it really shows me how quick some people in the fandom are to tear apart another woman. It’s disgusting and desperate.

Elriels come talk to me when you actually have a concrete theory, instead of your gross wish that Gwyn is evil

[acourtofmishapandmistakes]

Cassian and Feyre are sitting around the kitchen table one morning. Rhys walks in, hair a mess after just waking up.

Cassian: What if mayonnaise came in cans?

Feyre: Well, that would suck because you can't microwave metal.

Rhys: Good morning to everyone except you two.

[rainingriversofyou]

Lidia Cervos, The Hind

Ruhn Danaan, Crown Prince of the Valbaran Fae

Bryce Adelaide Quinlan, Heir to the Starborn Fae

Hunt Athalar, The Umbra Mortis

Crescent City - Art by Lua / luaartiste

[throughstarlitfields]

𝘊𝘢𝘳𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘢𝘮…

𝐀𝐧𝐝 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐠𝐨𝐝𝐬 𝐝𝐚𝐦𝐧 𝐧𝐢𝐠𝐡𝐭𝐠𝐨𝐰𝐧.

🎨: @spearthymint

Commissioned by me

𝑷𝑳𝑬𝑨𝑺𝑬 𝑫𝑶 𝑵𝑶𝑻 𝑹𝑬𝑷𝑶𝑺𝑻. 𝑶𝑵𝑳𝒀 𝑺𝑯𝑨𝑹𝑬 𝑾𝑰𝑻𝑯 𝑷𝑹𝑶𝑷𝑬𝑹 𝑪𝑹𝑬𝑫𝑰𝑻 𝑮𝑰𝑽𝑬𝑵.