#SO CLOSE BUT STILL OUT OF REACH
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Frannie, you are in over your head. Meaning? Meaning, guys like him don't marry girls like you. That's fairy tale. And girls like you get hurt, and guys like him don't even know it, and that's life.
#due south#ray vecchio#francesca vecchio#benton fraser#oof the way you can see the truth of this hit ray so hard#good for frannie for saying all of this and sticking up for herself because ray was being an unfair jerk#especially since he was projecting his own fears and insecurities about losing fraser and taking it out on frannie#ray's behavior here only makes sense to me if he's acting out of jealousy#because he doesn't seem the type to get involved in his siser's love life (unless she's being harmed in some way)#and what he says about fraser directly contradicts what we know ray actually thinks about him#i can't imagine ray sees fraser as the type to 'love 'em and leave 'em for lack of a better phrase. he knows he's not like that#ray is the one in over his head and worried about being left heartbroken (and not being good enough for fraser to stick around for)#if fraser was involved with frannie; ray loses ever getting a chance with him either way whether it works out or not#if the potential relationship worked out ray would have to sit by and watch the man he loves be with his sister#and if it doesn't work out (which it likely wouldn't lbr) he loses his frienship as well because it would never be the same after#and the fact remains that fraser will likely go back to canada one day and leave ray behind#and not realize just how much it will hurt ray when he goes#AND FRASER IS LISTENING TO ALL OF THIS#HE'S JUST ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THE GLASS#THE PERSON RAY DREAMS ABOUT#SO CLOSE BUT STILL OUT OF REACH#i can't with them#frannie is the only brave one here i love her#ds30below
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Happy new years… let’s stay hydrated together ✨
#I didn’t end up going to the rave just stayed in with my buddies and had KFC (( Korean fried chicken )) and laughed til we cried so#it was still a wonderful start to the new year 💞🥰💞#but the fwb wanted pics of my potential rave look so I figured eh I brought the stuff anyways#and now I’m imagining locking eyes with a stranger on the warm and writhing dance floor#the beat thumps and shakes and rattles the air in our breath as the spotlights dance in the reflections of our held gaze#he pushes his way through the crowd with a singular stare and a wicked smile on his face#I smile and turn my back on him arching myself so he knows I am giving what he’s looking for#I take careful steps through the revelry toward the edge where the crowd thins out#I prop myself up on an available stool in a lonely corner of the club as he closes the distance between us#“now I wonder why you dragged me all the way here” he utters in a playful growl “trying to get far away from the crowd?”#I smile and I nod. “obviously. can’t really do what I want with you out there”#his eyes perk up and his smile gives away the desire building inside him. “yeah? why don’t you show me then.”#“I thought you’d never ask” I smirk. I reach down into my pants and pull out my phone#“so this one is blue. he’s the oldest but he’s sooooo sweet. and that’s Eva. my only girl she’s sassy but she loves swea-” he leaves#whaddahell I say demurely whimpering even… whaddahell…#gpoy
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who are you?
#jean vicquemare#harry du bois#jeanharry#disco elysium#kartarart#this is part of sth i was doing but i changed directions so … cropped doodle be upon ye#hdb voice we’re dead. haunting each other. we’re ghosts.#the way they are both strangers to each other postgame but they still reached their hands out to each other in the closing cutscene#i am gnawing on them savoring the horror of it all
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Sam and Max if they were cool /j
#sam and max#crunchchute art#my art#somehow this shitposty art piece made me emotional while drawing#i miss highschool and my friends and just going on school trips and stuff listening to shitty scene music like botdf#and playing the songs on a phone close to our ears or sharing an earbud on the bus#and being fucking cringy and shit man i wish i experienced more of that#perhaps i wasted my teen years on stress and worrying so im dressing like this now to make up for it#i know you wont see this D and im sorry i was being awful to you sometimes but i liked teasing you as if you were my sibling#i really miss those times. and i know i could always reach out to you but you moved on and im still stuck so i wont. but im thinking about#you from time to time! and the little fun we had back in hs. i really felt like i could be myself when hanging out with you#and i thought about you making this piece. me as max u as sam that would fit lmao#<- hes getting sappy missing the idea of his friends 10 years ago that only exists in memories now because everyone except him grew up
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i think one of the most disappointing things is to see that your childhood friends have grown up to represent the kind of people you're disappointed in
#had a friendship break up w like one of my entire friend groups of six ppl?#found out that one of the girls in our friend group had sent screenshots of our private conversation about smth I was hurt over#to a gc with our other friends (but not me ofc)#and they all proceeded to talk shit about me :// I swear the way my stomach dropped when the friend I was having the convo w#sent me screenshots of what our mutual friends were saying about me#she knew how much it would hurt me but still did it just to prove a point (though I'm certain she misrepresented our conversation + my word#to them considering she blocked out what she had initially said to them lol)#my stomach hasn't dropped like that since high school#which is exactly where I thought we left this kind of deceitful behaviour. like how are you guys twenty one and still sending screenshots#and talking bad behind only one (1) friend's back when you know she can't defend herself in that space#I immediately texted our collective gc to explain a text she had sent but failed to give context for#then told them if I'm as selfish as they say I will leave this friend group. and then I left that gc#I also texted two friends who I knew were talking shit and I sent them the screenshots that first “friend” sent and pointed out how#she blocked out what she said so I'm suspicious that she skewed our conversation so they (the two other “friends”) should be wary#I told them I understood it was fair game to stoop. this low considering neither of them tried to reach out to me to hear my side#or defend me + my privacy#for context: the original argument was me voicing out that I was upset bc that first “friend” had invited and planned with with our friend#group an event that landed on my birthday without checking in with me if I was planning to spend time with them that day#and she kept defending herself and saying she didn't know I'd plan smth (probably bc my bday is two months away lmao) and she said#the event they'd be attending is just as important and necessary as being there for my birthday?? it's literally just a party her brother#(who none of us are close to lol) is DJing at. and I brought up how I'm their close friend (not her brother) and it's not fair to call#it equally necessary. but I suspect she skewed what I said greatly considering all of our friends started calling me selfish and unfair#but yeah v v crazy and hurtful and just astonishing#salmaspeaks
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jungle club - iac 2023 day twenty two
#on their socials#iac#iac 2023#jungle club#2023#dec getting a scare when danielle touched the back of both their heads and immediately reaching out for ant's arm 🥺#and ant once again getting really close to dec's face for absolutely no reason!#but also (not shown because it wouldn't work as a gif) when he said#'he's probably still chatting to pete and snogging him and hugging him'#like#what prompted him to say that? where was his mind at?#because the way pete and sam talked about their friendship#must have reminded them of their own relationship#because they've been mistaken for a couple enough that they are aware#that that's what they come across like#so did he think of dec when he said that? was it a tiny bit of wishful thinking maybe?#i'll just file this moment together with the 'kissing against the tree' moment - it's not as direct but it feels like the same category of#what is going on in their heads#🦊.gif
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hmmmm having angsty Lights Out thoughts
#i know when i post about it i usually make it Lighthearted if not outright Memey#but oh boy. this au is dark. like - like beyond the literal meaning#imagine being abandoned by your creators without so much as a warning#one day the lights go out and thats it. no answers. no comfort. no friendly faces or explanation#show's over. curtains closed. doors locked. they're all gone#it's just waiting in a pitch black room because surely the lights will turn back on. the next day will come#but it Won't. the next day won't come. it will never come. your friends won't open their eyes again. it's just you now.#you've always had company - friends and the comfort of feeling Watched Over by something beyond your understanding#but you blinked and its gone now. it's just you. no matter what you try or what you do - its. just. you.#days and weeks and moths and years of silence and a complete lack of color#burning matches down to your fingertips just to remember what shade of yellow your fleece is#its still wrong. firelight stains the color.#slowly forgetting the sound of your friends voices and what their smiles looked like and what the memories you made with them were#what was your best friends favorite joke? what was his hotdog order? how did he laugh? he used to pose for your paintings didnt he?#you can't be sure anymore. maybe the neighborhood was always dead. maybe You're dead. how can you tell?#you don't breathe. they don't either. they used to didn't they? you never did but they used to. ...right? you hope their dreams are sweet#one of your friends starts sleepwalking. you're so happy. she hurts you. you know she didnt mean it. you're scared anyway.#you can only see with one eye now. it feels... Wrong. all of your chalk drawings start coming out wrong too.#you keep missing when you reach for things. just one more thing to adjust to#were the lights ever on? or was that your own dream? you thought that was something you couldnt do.#you also thought the lights always come back. you were wrong about that. what else are you wrong about?#wh lights out au#wailing sobbing screaming etc over lights out wally... this poor little 12 apples dude...#aimlessly wandering through the town... walking through the buildings....#eventually getting so fucking lonely and desperate that you keep your best friend's severed arm for comfort#all you can do is protect your eternally sleeping friends from the Things crawling out of the shadows#mark another tally on the ground for each full circle the town clock's short hand completes#and wait for the day you fall asleep and join your friends dreams. it will happen someday.#you can feel it in the pitch seeping from your eyes and mouth. more with each decade that passes#just a little while longer. some more waiting. just you. in the dark.
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mutuals ily i am so bad at communicating i am so sorry i love u tho so much i love you pls don’t dislike me for not doing much i’m sorry
#🍉 - mello talks too much#i got#yelled at#today#by my irl friends#bc i can go weeks without talking to them and i still see us as super close#and they told me that’s not ok#and then#i realized#i do not actively talk to my mutuals that much#i am sorry#I LOVE U SO MUCH I WILL TRY AND REACH OUT IM SORRY ILY ILY
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A part of me just really needed to see these two moments side by side-
#like#just compare the two#Will's eyes look like he's reaching out#open#and Aziraphale is holding on so tightly#to what he still believes is right#but hes denying himself and closing himself off#idk my brain just screamed at me about this#hannibal#good omens#good omens 2#aziraphale#will graham#ineffable husbands#hannigram
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whshdfhfjf.,,,
#close up!! because i firstly Did Not render them with such insanity in order for tumblr's lack of general resolution to make it blur#look at all the lines!!! teehee i still really really like this style of digital painting it's super super fun to do!!! and also secondly#because i went back and added a tag ramble and as i seem to often be doing??? lately?? reached the 30 tag limit and went 'hm ok how else..'#anyway the tag essay on that one is now up and talks about the artwork generally and miscellaneous thoughts!! that said. i need a space to#ramble about beatrix at Length because look you don't draw and paint etc a character for like ten hours without having a lot of thoughts#anyways ! i digress terrifically. tag rambles are more like trains of thoughts masquerading as subways and you get on and it's unfortunately#a rollercoaster track. but this is My Blog and i can do Whatever I Want as long as i don't hurt anyone <- affirmations!! also Harm Principle#lately it's been like *kicks up feet* *opens tumblr tags* *treats it as own personal journal* and tbh Good for me!! anyways back to beatrix#fun fact ! the thing that pushed me over the edge to go watch the musical after looking through the tumblr tag was a very specific poll.#and the fact that the winning option was blue hair and pronouns made me double over laughing so hard i had to go see the source material#mm i feel like lately the academic Context has been tossing me essentially into a blender HAHA ;-; so everyone in adamandi is to some extent#a Mood. but bea-specific (haha be specific)(sorry!)(wow this is the same reaction mechanism of my friend who points out innuendos)(...)#i think it's the wanting to prove herself. like from the whole abuela etc thing there's proof here she's got a Stable Support System of sort#and instead what beatrix continues to do is push themselves. 'i guess u could say i'm married to my work? god that's depressing' // no one#here to enforce that // abuela tells me to rest says i'm constantly stressed and i'll just get depressed like before but i still have to try#like. that shred of desperation that pushes you to the brink to neglect yourself (well i guess physically but also your morals..) and like!!#the whole 'lose half your soul thing' proves she's self aware!! like they know what they're doing is super dubious yknow! but they're still#they're still doing it even if it goes into conflict with their morality system in a way and then they justify it to themselves (see pt 1#of ghostwriter) and the whole wanting to achieve at all costs Despite the self awareness. (i think? this aspect also applied to quincy. but#thoughts on him will come later). more beatrix specific also is the fact that they genuinely adore their work.. 'i just love it here where#you know they'll be printing forever and you are just part of it' because that does kind of resonate with me. also the being behind in the#competition is real!!! i'm maybe talking about Art as a subject because that same drive for it exists on my good days i think. even#even when nothing seems to be going right and you've ended up at the back the intent passion inherent in what you do is still there!!!#the genuine. care she has for reporting. is so !!!!! to me... other beatrix thoughts include 'why reveal yourself at the end' aka vincent's#'u should have stayed silent u had a smart plan' like rip to them but i would not // it feels with bea's complex character i can't imagine h#her Not doing that. like the guilt is real i guess. and i am running out of tags but! smth also about her fervent hope or smth that she'll#eventually get to where she wants. and the resilient determination.. 'i won't let their deaths be pointless there's more good i'm gonna do'#they're so so real for that. i'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing; seeing myself reflected in aspects of characters like this.. but it's#it's there regardless. smth smth just make your peace with the person you are ig!! tldr beatrix campbell my beloved. hehe#adamandi
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i just came out to a real life person and i think im having a heart attack
#IT WAS SO UNPLANNED I HADN'T THOUGHT ABOUT IT AT ALL I DIDN'T EVWN THINK WE WERW FRIENDS??#she lives in the building next to mine and we go to tui together to divide the auto fare and we've been walking home 2-3 dino se#and she likes kpop and kdramas#but like there isn't that Spark yk like oh ny god i love u best friends forever its a little awkward and formal still#but we were talking about something and oh my god#when we reached home we were standing uski building ke neeche and she was like i want to introduce you to my childhood bestie i think you#two will like each other#and i was like kinda weirded out like um are we that close yet i thought we were just classmates 😭😭#so i asked ki oh why all of a sudden#and she's like 'i like you' and i look at her and laugh and she said STOP LAUGHING i don't meant it like that im straight ok#and idk something in me snapped i was like oh are u homophobic too?#but pls she didn't know what it meant 😭 so i explained ki do u hate gay people then#she said no no ofc not SO I JUST BLURTED OUT KI good cause im bisexual#THE SHOCK ON HER FACE OMG im saying this now in freaking out now but at that time i said it really coolly and proudly without fumbling#my voice didn't drop down to a low volume or waver or anything (which im so proud bc she's like the first irl person ive come out to face#to face??????? i mean obv childhood friends don't count they're all gay#but anyway she was like OH and then SHE FUMBLED she was like oh nice i respect u very much and it was so awkward i was like haan haan shut#up just don't tell anyone very few ppl know 😭and she wasn't done she was like so as i was saying#we're growing old and real good friendships are getting harder to find and i like you (stop laughing!!) and i hope we don't jinx it#and she literally touched a wooden table lying there and said touchwood???? 😭😭😭😭😭#now i am thinking why did i tell her she's so extroverted she talks to everyone we go to the same tui this town is tiny#she could tell everyone my parents could find out#but also a part of me is relieved cause im so sick of hiding something that is such a small yet imp part of me#and if she tells everyone then cool maybe there'll be more queer people i can't ve the only queer person in this town and we could be#friends and my parents eh they'd never believe something like that they'll ask me if it's true and ill say nah just rumors dumb kids#and they'll believe me because they'll want to believe me so bad#so no harm#i still don't feel very bestfriendy with her but maybe my standards are too high 😭 idk ig i can't see myself being friends with her#for a long time if we weren't forced by circumstances and i don't like her that much but im happy i got to say it#literally said it omg 'kyunki main hu. bisexual' FUCK THAT FELT GOOD
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"Leave it behind, we'll be fine" in which the theme was love but I was pretty much on the other side of it
I made this for a school task, I have a painting version so I might reblog it here in the future. Will talk more on it in the tags
#lem doodling time !#citrusy ramblings#digital art#art#digital drawing#small art blog#artwork#aromantic#lgbt#lgbtq+#anti amatonormativity#lgbt artwork#so to explain. the things scattered on the road is things commonly associated with romance. love letters and a rose bouquet#but now theyre left behind. since if we want to procede to a world where aromantic is more accepted. we need to put romantic love down#the pedestal. not everyone strives for it. yaknow ?#shes also subtly in the colors of the aro flag. if looked close enough#theyre reaching out so that we can join them :] i still miss her sometimes.#julie dreamer#Aro
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I just cannot get a handle on my brain today and I feel like I’m losing it
#unimportant thoughts#ugh.#it’s just. screaming at me today#completely illogical actions#telling me to break up with my partner because they’ll fall out of love with me sooner or later snd itll save me the pain of watching it#telling me to block someone close to me becsuse they’ll never love me again#telling me to reach out to a friend because i want their comfort#telling me to never ever reach out to that friend ever becsuse ill annoy them snd make them remember how clingy and annoying i am#and they’ll hate me and block me#telling me that everyone around me is constantly making fun of me behind closed doors#i just#its so fucking hard#and I’m trying so hard to keep a handle on it and not make any rash emotional decisions or actions#because I know my brain is being ridiculous right now but i just. it still feels true even when I know its not.#i fucking hate being mentally ill.
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got another internship rejection letter and this one really broke my heart
#it was a very kind response and just. so close yet still out of reach#I need to keep applying to more I guess but good lord am I out of steam#aquarium app don't let me down. I'm desperate but not desperate enough for marketing
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;
#still thinking abt that scene in the underdark where xan is (force) propositioned by that drow lady#and while his first response is shock/apprehension ('*me*??')#radri loses regulation over the volume of her voice going 'what?! no!!' louder than anyone's ever really heard her before#when challenged though she can't come up with a drow-valid reason why hunrae *can't* just take xan#(yes i just now remembered her name lmao)#the thoughts 'bc consent??' 'he'd hate that' '*he's mine he promised*' keep getting translated into an ineffective verbal 'you just cant'#so xan saves himself and falls into a worse mood after it and radri falls into an equally poor mood at how she couldnt do anything/she can#never really do anything can she#oh but there's a kind of equivalent/reversal moment when radri's offered a 'night with one of with phaere's males' as a reward#and xan is just silently panicking/trying to reassure himself with 'she wouldn't' 'she'd hate that' 'she loves me... right?'#radri honestly has an easier time with the excuse this time bc she's not feeling as much panic/pressure as earlier#but the excuse that comes out is along the lines of 'uh monogamy is custom in my city and i already have a male--'#'NO no not one of these guys in my party!! (don't look too closely at them!)'#'i prefer not to travel with him! to make the reunions sweeter...??'#xan's mind catches on 'i prefer not to travel with him' and he gets in a bitter mood bc that might as well be true--#bc really what use is he when he can't even do anything to help/save/protect her despite being right by her side#the underdark has them both on an internal monologue of 'i hate this' but while xan's is mainly towards their surroundings#radri's is almost entirely inward & so isnt eased the moment they reach the surface like xan's is
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2.02 || 2.19
Zuko at the beginning and end of Season 2
Bonus:
#avatar#atla#avatar: the last airbender#atlaedit#zuko#katara#song avatar#v posts things#v watches avatar#It was the scar touch/almost touch that pinged my memory but realizing that the language Katara uses parallels Song too set me off#Zuko starts the season so stuck in his own pain#Song tries to connect and he's closed off because nobody can possibly understand him you see#until she shows him her burn and it shocks him#this girl who has been nothing but kind has one too. she can't have deserved it#what can that mean for Zuko who is going to need another season and a half to be able to say that what his father did to him was wrong#right now he still doesn't know how to acknowledge any of this to himself much less someone else#to reconcile it with how he still believes if he can just go home everything can be okay#but then he travels the earth kingdom and sees what the war and his nation's pride did to all these regular people#and finally finally he ends up back here again#though Katara is understandably not reaching out so much as lashing out#but this time Zuko is able to reach back and not only connect and empathize with someone else#but the fact that he can admit that the fire nation was responsible for one of the biggest losses of his life is a big step for him#and whether Katara and her spirit water would have been able to heal is scar is almost irrelevant#because ultimately it isn't about the scar but what it represents#he thinks people look at it and see all his shame. like if it wasn't there people wouldn't be able to look at him and Know#he doesn't get that people look at it like Song did#that here's someone who was hurt#and whatever he might have done he couldn't have deserved THAT#and it isn't until he goes and makes an actual shameful mistake of his own that he starts to see the difference
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