#SO WAS SHE BUT SHE DIED BEFORE SHE COULD EVEN FINISH A SENTENCE anakin screams while throwing pens at obi-wan's head

[wasted-headspace-98]

The Unforgiven: Part II

Summary: After Order 66, everything was destroyed. The Empire left death and destruction in its wake. But one choice could change everything forever. The question is…is it the right one? Maul x Ahsoka 18+ For Eventual Chapters Warnings: Nonexplicit sexual content, slow burn, PTSD TW, inappropriate use of the force Collab fic with @lordofthenerds97

TW FOR THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES:

Panic Attacks

PTSD Flashbacks/Nightmares

Survivor’s Guilt

Mentions of Self Harm/Attempted Suicide

~*~*~*~

Ash.

Blaster fire.

Smoke.

She could hear footsteps pounding on the metal around her. The voices kept getting closer, and she glanced over her shoulder for what felt like the millionth time.

Pain.

Death.

Fear.

She felt it all, ripping through her like teeth. Golden eyes stared at her through the smoke and she gasped at the sight.

Jesse.

Kix.

Rex.

Screams and the sound of gunfire surrounded her on all sides. Her eyes widened as she tried to locate where it was all coming from.

Anger.

Hate.

Rage.

A cyclone of emotions tore through her mind. It didn’t matter if they were hers or not. The Force echoed with the suffering of her friends.

Her Masters.

Her comrades.

Her boys.

Ahsoka sat bolt upright with a scream. It echoed between the four walls of her cramped quarters, making her montrals hum with the noise. She winced at the sound, bringing her hand up to her forehead. Sweat dripped down her skin and she wiped it away with the back of her hand before rubbing her eyes.

“It was just a nightmare,” she told herself.

As much as she hated to admit it, she’d been having them more and more often. She wasn’t sure what had brought them on.

How long has it been? Two years?

She shook her head and sighed, untangling herself from the bedsheet. Her bare feet hit the cold metal of the floor and shocked her awake. She readjusted her shirt and made her way to the door. It opened on hydraulic hinges with a quiet hiss, retreating within to wall to grant her access to the rest of the ship. She quietly padded down the hall before stopping at another door. That one hissed open to reveal a refresher.

Ahsoka splashed the cool water on her face, her hands shaking.

Bodies surrounded her. She didn’t know if she was the cause of their death or someone else. But it sent pain rippling through her heart. Those were her friends.

She squeezed her eyes shut and bared her teeth, trying to fight off the memories. Even as she tried to suffocate the unwelcome images, she could hear them.

“Please,” she begged aloud, dropping her face into her hands and falling to her knees. She could feel it pressing in on her from all sides. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks as she tried to fight it off. “Please stop…”

Ignoring her pleas, Ahsoka felt them pressing in on her through the Force. Their voices whispered against her ears, fleeting touches caressed her arms. The sound of blaster fire assaulted her from all sides, leaving her no room to breathe. She felt her throat closing up and her eyes widened in panic. A weight settled on her chest and bore down on her. The harder she tried to fight it, the heavier it became. Her slender fingers wrapped around the invisible force on her throat, trying to stop it from suffocating her. She was choking on her own breath and had little control over it.

Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out all sensations.

Deep breaths, she thought. You can do this. Anakin taught you how to control your emotions.

With her arms shaking, she forced herself to suck in a breath. She let out a sob as she forced another breath into her lungs, her chest expanding with the rapid intake of air.

You left them to die. Rex. Jesse. Kix. You deserve every ounce of suffering for that.

“No, it wasn’t my fault!” she shouted, trying to get that incessant voice to leave her alone. It sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place exactly who it was.

You left me, Ahsoka!

“Anakin!” she gasped.

He shimmered to life in front of her, his blue eyes glowering at her. Ahsoka didn’t want to know if it was his Force signature or simply her mind playing tricks on her. But she could feel his disapproval. Is this what you’ve been reduced to? he sneered.

Ahsoka felt her eyes will with tears and she stared at him. Or, her mind’s interpretation of him. “I…I don’t…”

Exactly. You don’t know. If you had just listened when you had the chance, you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

“No!”

Yes! You selfishly ignored the warnings you were given and lost any chance of a head start you might have had. The death of those men? That’s on your head Ahsoka!

She shook her head and let out a sob. Her arms went around her middle, hugging herself as she slid to the floor. “No…there was nothing I could have done…”

Bullshit!

“You don’t know that!”

The hell I don’t! You lost your chance because you didn’t want to listen to someone who so obviously wanted to help you!

Another sob took over her body as she collapsed, allowing herself to lose control. “It was wrong…he was a Sith…”

The voice of Anakin echoed through her head as he let out a mirthless laugh. Was he? Or was that what you told yourself to feel better about what you did?

Ahsoka continued to let her emotions roll off of her in waves. She knew Master Kenobi would tell her to curb her feelings and keep everything under control. But Anakin had taught her differently. He taught her to use her emotions.

If either of them could see what she had become, they would both be ashamed, that much she was sure of.

“It should have been me that died on that ship…” she choked out, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt flood her mind. “Why didn’t I die?”

She closed her eyes and fought back another round of tears as she tried to collect herself. She’d been replaying that night in her mind over and over again every single day for the past two years. There wasn’t a single moment that escaped her. She knew exactly why she was still alive. And she resented every minute of it.

The voices in her head wouldn’t stop assaulting her. It seemed that with every reason she was forced to hear that she shouldn’t be alive, she was forced to hear it from a different voice.

To die on that ship, your fate was. Defy the will of the Force, you have. Grave consequences, there will be. Master Yoda.

The faith that your friends placed in you was obviously placed without care. You were to face the fate of order 66. Master Windu.

You’re obviously not feeling the weight of your actions, Ahsoka. You left us. Obi Wan.

You left me to die, Ahsoka! If only you knew what was going to happen, you could have saved us. Oh, wait. You did know. Anakin.

The General is right. Your failure to act resulted in all of our deaths. Rex.

Ahsoka sobbed again as she listened to each of the voices. “You’re right!” she screamed. “I should be dead! I don’t deserve to be here!”

Her entire body shook as she let everything out. It wasn’t the first time she’d faced these types of accusations. But it was the first time that she felt they were right. That they were justified.

Exhaustion seeped through her, down to her bones, as her persecutors continued their onslaught. She slowly faded out of consciousness, allowing the black void to consume her. But as she drifted off into sweet oblivion, she could have sworn she heard a quiet echo.

Don’t listen to them, Ahsoka. You’re stronger than this. Fight them.

Before she could identify the voice, she was gone. Her mind had been sucked into nothingness, and she welcomed the silence.

~*~*~*~

“You’ve lost quite a lot of blood, Lady Tano. If I hadn’t found you when I did, I fear you wouldn’t have made it off that ship alive.”

Ahsoka groaned as she tried to sit up. Her montrals rang with an echo that was no longer there. Her head pounded as if someone had taken a hammer to it. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the low levels of light that permeated the area.

“What?”

There was a sigh of exasperation somewhere to her left, and she put a hand to her forehead as she turned to look for the source of the voice. She noticed that her arms had been bandaged, and an uncomfortable pain shot through her shoulder as she moved. “Where am I?”

“Aboard my shuttle. Alive. And in one piece.”

The shadows spoke to her, and she narrowed her eyes to try and make out the form of who spoke. The voice sounded familiar.

It tsked her quietly. “I’d hate to think that I never at least made an impression on you, Lady Tano. Or, maybe you took one too many blaster shots to the head.”

There was only one person that deep voice could belong to. “Maul?”

“Obviously.”

Ahsoka sighed and tried to gather her bearings as she looked around. She found herself in a small shuttle, one that seemed barely big enough to house the two of them. She mentally took stock of her situation and quickly assessed that she had extensive injuries. She hissed when she tried to move her arm, pain shooting through her shoulder and down her back.

A quiet sigh came from him and he moved to help her. “You took quite the beating.”

“Obviously,” she said, snapping a glare in his direction. He chuckled.

“At least you haven’t lost your spirit.”

Ahsoka appraised him silently as he carefully helped her stand and orient herself. “How long…” Maul raised an eyebrow marking at her, and she shakily finished her sentence. “How long was I out of it?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment as his eyes softened. “Four days.”

Her eyes widened and her mind started to throw itself into a panic. Realizing what was about to happen, Maul set a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Take a deep breath, Lady Tano. You’re safe.”

She did as he asked, squeezing her eyes shut as she did. She couldn’t afford to lose control. Not now. And not in front of Maul.

“I know this is hard,” he said softly. “You can take the time to grieve. Nothing is going to happen to you while you are in my care.”

Ahsoka looked at him with suspicion and curiosity. Why was he being kind?

As if reading her mind, he scoffed. “If I wanted to kill you, Lady Tano, I would have left you on that ship.”

~*~*~*~

Ahsoka slowly and warily opened her eyes, unsure of where she was going to find herself. But when she saw the metal grate of the floor of her ship, she let out a quiet sigh of relief. She pulled herself into a sitting position and eventually struggled to her feet. She looked at herself in the mirror, and she hardly recognized the person staring back at her.

Her face had thinned considerably. Probably because she hadn’t been taking the best care of herself. Despite her efforts, she somehow managed to stay alive. And her body was beginning to pay the price.

With a sigh, Ahsoka scrubbed a hand down her face and turned on the water. She dried her face with a towel before making her way back to her small quarters. The ship she was piloting, the Proxima, was big enough to carry her, another passenger, and some cargo. It wasn’t the fanciest vessel in the world by any means, but it did its job and got her across the galaxy. She had managed to send off a few secure subspace transmissions to Obi Wan, who she recently discovered was still alive. She’d tried to track him down, but he was good at not being found when he didn’t want to be. Ahsoka supposed that’s probably what kept him under the Empire’s radar for so long.

He had assured her that he was okay and offered his condolences when she told him that Anakin was dead. They managed to say their goodbyes properly and went their separate ways.

Ahsoka rummaged through her small storage bin, looking for some clothes that she hadn’t worn for weeks on end. She was running out of motivation to do anything, and that included her laundry.

When her comm link beeped a couple times, she paused, frowning for a moment as she looked at her wrist. Whatever the message was, it wasn’t fully translating on the portable link. She abandoned her search for clean clothes as she made her way to the cockpit. She dropped into the pilot’s chair and tapped a few buttons, waiting for the program to run the decryption and translation.

A few moments later, and a hologram of a woman appeared in front of her. She raised an eyebrow marking as she recognized her face.

“Jhas?” she muttered, frowning at the image.

“I know you might not get this for a while, Fulcrum. But I have some intel you might be interested.”

Part of the message glitched out after that, but Ahsoka widened her eyes and had to rewind it a couple times to make sure she hadn’t misheard anything.

“Come to Dantooine. There’s a small group of us here, and we need your help. Oh, and that intel? It’s about Maul.”

She sat back in her seat with a thud, eyes wide with shock.

She’d played it three times, and she knew she wasn’t hearing things.

Maul.

Maul is alive.

Taglist: @youngcheesecaketale @kelsiew28 @nixy-wilson-night-angel @basicbibitch @leviathanpuke @countessofbiscuit @potatobaboon @domintwio @xi04671 @snakebitch888 @purgetroopercody @shades-studios @instlar @asanbran @internetmisfitsworld @amichauf @vaultblight @ fresh-gamer05 @icequeenforlife @galaxygolfergirl @kimageddon @const581 @vayonel @an-incospicuos-bagpipe @itscutebookworm @starwars-edits @burning-quesadilla @queenie-chi-cosplay @casclar @lilmaples @justsimplymeagain @kathat @erin-foreverandever @lordfarquuuad @beyond-far-horizons @saricess @zerometis @sokatech @zamoragoddess @a-disaster-named-milo @ntinaarg @reoweedwagon @botherbother-blog @badbatch-simp24

AN: Let us know if you want to be tagged!

[lordofthenerds97]

The Unforgiven: Part II

Summary: After Order 66, everything was destroyed. The Empire left death and destruction in its wake. But one choice could change everything forever. The question is…is it the right one? Maul x Ahsoka 18+ For Eventual Chapters Warnings: Nonexplicit sexual content, slow burn, PTSD TW, inappropriate use of the force Collab fic with @wasted-headspace-98

TW FOR THIS CHAPTER INCLUDES:

Panic Attacks

PTSD Flashbacks/Nightmares

Survivor's Guilt

Mentions of Self Harm/Attempted Suicide

~*~*~*~

Ash.

Blaster fire.

Smoke.

She could hear footsteps pounding on the metal around her. The voices kept getting closer, and she glanced over her shoulder for what felt like the millionth time.

Pain.

Death.

Fear.

She felt it all, ripping through her like teeth. Golden eyes stared at her through the smoke and she gasped at the sight.

Jesse.

Kix.

Rex.

Screams and the sound of gunfire surrounded her on all sides. Her eyes widened as she tried to locate where it was all coming from.

Anger.

Hate.

Rage.

A cyclone of emotions tore through her mind. It didn’t matter if they were hers or not. The Force echoed with the suffering of her friends.

Her Masters.

Her comrades.

Her boys.

Ahsoka sat bolt upright with a scream. It echoed between the four walls of her cramped quarters, making her montrals hum with the noise. She winced at the sound, bringing her hand up to her forehead. Sweat dripped down her skin and she wiped it away with the back of her hand before rubbing her eyes.

“It was just a nightmare,” she told herself.

As much as she hated to admit it, she’d been having them more and more often. She wasn’t sure what had brought them on.

How long has it been? Two years?

She shook her head and sighed, untangling herself from the bedsheet. Her bare feet hit the cold metal of the floor and shocked her awake. She readjusted her shirt and made her way to the door. It opened on hydraulic hinges with a quiet hiss, retreating within to wall to grant her access to the rest of the ship. She quietly padded down the hall before stopping at another door. That one hissed open to reveal a refresher.

Ahsoka splashed the cool water on her face, her hands shaking.

Bodies surrounded her. She didn’t know if she was the cause of their death or someone else. But it sent pain rippling through her heart. Those were her friends.

She squeezed her eyes shut and bared her teeth, trying to fight off the memories. Even as she tried to suffocate the unwelcome images, she could hear them.

“Please,” she begged aloud, dropping her face into her hands and falling to her knees. She could feel it pressing in on her from all sides. Tears streamed freely down her cheeks as she tried to fight it off. “Please stop…”

Ignoring her pleas, Ahsoka felt them pressing in on her through the Force. Their voices whispered against her ears, fleeting touches caressed her arms. The sound of blaster fire assaulted her from all sides, leaving her no room to breathe. She felt her throat closing up and her eyes widened in panic. A weight settled on her chest and bore down on her. The harder she tried to fight it, the heavier it became. Her slender fingers wrapped around the invisible force on her throat, trying to stop it from suffocating her. She was choking on her own breath and had little control over it.

Ahsoka squeezed her eyes shut, trying to block out all sensations.

Deep breaths, she thought. You can do this. Anakin taught you how to control your emotions.

With her arms shaking, she forced herself to suck in a breath. She let out a sob as she forced another breath into her lungs, her chest expanding with the rapid intake of air.

You left them to die. Rex. Jesse. Kix. You deserve every ounce of suffering for that.

“No, it wasn’t my fault!” she shouted, trying to get that incessant voice to leave her alone. It sounded familiar, but she couldn’t place exactly who it was.

You left me, Ahsoka!

“Anakin!” she gasped.

He shimmered to life in front of her, his blue eyes glowering at her. Ahsoka didn’t want to know if it was his Force signature or simply her mind playing tricks on her. But she could feel his disapproval. Is this what you’ve been reduced to? he sneered.

Ahsoka felt her eyes will with tears and she stared at him. Or, her mind’s interpretation of him. “I…I don’t…”

Exactly. You don’t know. If you had just listened when you had the chance, you wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

“No!”

Yes! You selfishly ignored the warnings you were given and lost any chance of a head start you might have had. The death of those men? That’s on your head Ahsoka!

She shook her head and let out a sob. Her arms went around her middle, hugging herself as she slid to the floor. “No…there was nothing I could have done…”

Bullshit!

“You don’t know that!”

The hell I don’t! You lost your chance because you didn’t want to listen to someone who so obviously wanted to help you!

Another sob took over her body as she collapsed, allowing herself to lose control. “It was wrong…he was a Sith…”

The voice of Anakin echoed through her head as he let out a mirthless laugh. Was he? Or was that what you told yourself to feel better about what you did?

Ahsoka continued to let her emotions roll off of her in waves. She knew Master Kenobi would tell her to curb her feelings and keep everything under control. But Anakin had taught her differently. He taught her to use her emotions.

If either of them could see what she had become, they would both be ashamed, that much she was sure of.

“It should have been me that died on that ship…” she choked out, feeling an overwhelming sense of guilt flood her mind. “Why didn’t I die?”

She closed her eyes and fought back another round of tears as she tried to collect herself. She’d been replaying that night in her mind over and over again every single day for the past two years. There wasn’t a single moment that escaped her. She knew exactly why she was still alive. And she resented every minute of it.

The voices in her head wouldn’t stop assaulting her. It seemed that with every reason she was forced to hear that she shouldn’t be alive, she was forced to hear it from a different voice.

To die on that ship, your fate was. Defy the will of the Force, you have. Grave consequences, there will be. Master Yoda.

The faith that your friends placed in you was obviously placed without care. You were to face the fate of order 66. Master Windu.

You’re obviously not feeling the weight of your actions, Ahsoka. You left us. Obi Wan.

You left me to die, Ahsoka! If only you knew what was going to happen, you could have saved us. Oh, wait. You did know. Anakin.

The General is right. Your failure to act resulted in all of our deaths. Rex.

Ahsoka sobbed again as she listened to each of the voices. “You’re right!” she screamed. “I should be dead! I don’t deserve to be here!”

Her entire body shook as she let everything out. It wasn’t the first time she’d faced these types of accusations. But it was the first time that she felt they were right. That they were justified.

Exhaustion seeped through her, down to her bones, as her persecutors continued their onslaught. She slowly faded out of consciousness, allowing the black void to consume her. But as she drifted off into sweet oblivion, she could have sworn she heard a quiet echo.

Don’t listen to them, Ahsoka. You’re stronger than this. Fight them.

Before she could identify the voice, she was gone. Her mind had been sucked into nothingness, and she welcomed the silence.

~*~*~*~

“You’ve lost quite a lot of blood, Lady Tano. If I hadn’t found you when I did, I fear you wouldn’t have made it off that ship alive.”

Ahsoka groaned as she tried to sit up. Her montrals rang with an echo that was no longer there. Her head pounded as if someone had taken a hammer to it. She blinked a few times, trying to adjust to the low levels of light that permeated the area.

“What?”

There was a sigh of exasperation somewhere to her left, and she put a hand to her forehead as she turned to look for the source of the voice. She noticed that her arms had been bandaged, and an uncomfortable pain shot through her shoulder as she moved. “Where am I?”

“Aboard my shuttle. Alive. And in one piece.”

The shadows spoke to her, and she narrowed her eyes to try and make out the form of who spoke. The voice sounded familiar.

It tsked her quietly. “I’d hate to think that I never at least made an impression on you, Lady Tano. Or, maybe you took one too many blaster shots to the head.”

There was only one person that deep voice could belong to. “Maul?”

“Obviously.”

Ahsoka sighed and tried to gather her bearings as she looked around. She found herself in a small shuttle, one that seemed barely big enough to house the two of them. She mentally took stock of her situation and quickly assessed that she had extensive injuries. She hissed when she tried to move her arm, pain shooting through her shoulder and down her back.

A quiet sigh came from him and he moved to help her. “You took quite the beating.”

“Obviously,” she said, snapping a glare in his direction. He chuckled.

“At least you haven’t lost your spirit.”

Ahsoka appraised him silently as he carefully helped her stand and orient herself. “How long…” Maul raised an eyebrow marking at her, and she shakily finished her sentence. “How long was I out of it?”

He looked thoughtful for a moment as his eyes softened. “Four days.”

Her eyes widened and her mind started to throw itself into a panic. Realizing what was about to happen, Maul set a comforting hand on her shoulder. “Take a deep breath, Lady Tano. You’re safe.”

She did as he asked, squeezing her eyes shut as she did. She couldn’t afford to lose control. Not now. And not in front of Maul.

“I know this is hard,” he said softly. “You can take the time to grieve. Nothing is going to happen to you while you are in my care.”

Ahsoka looked at him with suspicion and curiosity. Why was he being kind?

As if reading her mind, he scoffed. “If I wanted to kill you, Lady Tano, I would have left you on that ship.”

~*~*~*~

Ahsoka slowly and warily opened her eyes, unsure of where she was going to find herself. But when she saw the metal grate of the floor of her ship, she let out a quiet sigh of relief. She pulled herself into a sitting position and eventually struggled to her feet. She looked at herself in the mirror, and she hardly recognized the person staring back at her.

Her face had thinned considerably. Probably because she hadn’t been taking the best care of herself. Despite her efforts, she somehow managed to stay alive. And her body was beginning to pay the price.

With a sigh, Ahsoka scrubbed a hand down her face and turned on the water. She dried her face with a towel before making her way back to her small quarters. The ship she was piloting, the Proxima, was big enough to carry her, another passenger, and some cargo. It wasn’t the fanciest vessel in the world by any means, but it did its job and got her across the galaxy. She had managed to send off a few secure subspace transmissions to Obi Wan, who she recently discovered was still alive. She’d tried to track him down, but he was good at not being found when he didn’t want to be. Ahsoka supposed that’s probably what kept him under the Empire’s radar for so long.

He had assured her that he was okay and offered his condolences when she told him that Anakin was dead. They managed to say their goodbyes properly and went their separate ways.

Ahsoka rummaged through her small storage bin, looking for some clothes that she hadn’t worn for weeks on end. She was running out of motivation to do anything, and that included her laundry.

When her comm link beeped a couple times, she paused, frowning for a moment as she looked at her wrist. Whatever the message was, it wasn’t fully translating on the portable link. She abandoned her search for clean clothes as she made her way to the cockpit. She dropped into the pilot’s chair and tapped a few buttons, waiting for the program to run the decryption and translation.

A few moments later, and a hologram of a woman appeared in front of her. She raised an eyebrow marking as she recognized her face.

“Jhas?” she muttered, frowning at the image.

“I know you might not get this for a while, Fulcrum. But I have some intel you might be interested.”

Part of the message glitched out after that, but Ahsoka widened her eyes and had to rewind it a couple times to make sure she hadn’t misheard anything.

“Come to Dantooine. There’s a small group of us here, and we need your help. Oh, and that intel? It’s about Maul.”

She sat back in her seat with a thud, eyes wide with shock.

She’d played it three times, and she knew she wasn’t hearing things.

Maul.

Maul is alive.

Taglist: @youngcheesecaketale @kelsiew28 @nixy-wilson-night-angel @basicbibitch @leviathanpuke @countessofbiscuit @potatobaboon @domintwio @xi04671 @snakebitch888 @purgetroopercody @shades-studios @instlar @asanbran @internetmisfitsworld @amichauf @vaultblight @ fresh-gamer05 @icequeenforlife @galaxygolfergirl @kimageddon @const581 @vayonel @an-incospicuos-bagpipe @itscutebookworm @starwars-edits @burning-quesadilla @queenie-chi-cosplay @casclar @lilmaples @justsimplymeagain @kathat @erin-foreverandever @lordfarquuuad @beyond-far-horizons @saricess @zerometis @sokatech @zamoragoddess @a-disaster-named-milo @ntinaarg @reoweedwagon @botherbother-blog

AN: Let us know if you want to be tagged!

[revenge-of-the-shit]

There’s so much Darkness swirling around this sector of the planet. The roar of lava rushes around her, making it hard to hear anything at all, and the heat is near-unbearable, soaking her skin in sweat and making her cough from the thick ash that coats the air. She stumbles through the rocks, her mind driven towards a single goal.

Obi-Wan. 

What she feels from him nearly makes her collapse. 

His Force-presence, once so strong and assured and calm, is in turmoil, fractured into a million tiny pieces that are only haphazardly held together through the sheer desire to survive, and even then, it’s frail. Beside Obi-Wan is a presence - a Dark one - filled with so much rage and hatred and disgust she nearly vomits there and then. But there’s something else. Something that she can tell that she’s missing that will come crashing down on her. 

She stumbles over the rocks as she runs, the Force slippery between her fingers, made slick from the sickening Darkness that permeates this place, her mind latching onto Obi-Wan’s presence. He doesn’t seem to be able to sense her in his broken state. Master, she thinks. Master. Father. Friend. Someone close to her, at least one person, who had survived the purge, she needs to save him, she needs to-

The rocks give way, and she sees him, his face twisted in so much anguish and pain she thinks he’s been stabbed. 

“Master!” She shouts, and he whips around, his hand on his lightsaber and a wild terror in his eyes. When he sees her, he stares, and she holds out her hands. “It’s me,” she says, and she tries to project calm in the Force through her bond with him. “It’s Ahsoka.” 

He stares, and stares, and then his face and his presence twists a pain so deep she leaps to his side because he could only be in such pain if the Sith had wounded him. She lands on the bank beside Obi-Wan, her lightsabers in hand, and-

Oh, Force. 

Force. 

Gods of Shili.

Obi-Wan had been wounded by the Sith, she knows that now. 

What she didn’t know was that she would be wounded too, and that neither of those injuries would be physical.

She stares into the golden-red eyes of the man that used to be Anakin Skywalker.

He stares back at her, an unhinged rage rolling off of him in waves, and she reaches clumsily for their bond, trying to confirm that this isn’t him, surely this isn’t Anakin, this can’t be-

A wave of cold slams into her consciousness, and the monster wearing her Master’s body howls at her. “Traitor!” he snarls, and his voice is guttural and hate-filled and wrong, she doesn’t recognize it at all, she doesn’t recognize the voice or the mutilated body that lies on the burnt banks of Mustafar before her. 

Her feet move before she can register them, taking one step back, then another, then another before she falls to the ground. Obi-Wan doesn’t catch her.

He can’t. 

If she had had the strength to reach out to him, she would have realized that her presence here had broken him, the straw that broke the bantha’s back. 

“What have you done?” she whispers, and she doesn’t know who she’s talking to. 

Then something horrible happens. 

The fabrics at the edge of the monster’s stumps catch fire, and he starts to burn.

She feels numb. 

She wants to help.

She wants to run.

She wants to-

Oh, Sith hells. 

She didn’t know he could scream like that. 

Obi-Wan is frozen behind her, unable to move, unable to look away, unable to do anything, and the burning form of the body that used to be Anakin reaches out. 

And her bond with Anakin crackles alight.

Help me. 

Please. 

She doesn’t realize that she’s moving until she suddenly finds herself already at the edge of the slope, hauling Anakin back up the hill, the Force pulsing around her as she uses it to push away the flames. There’s no saving what’s left of his legs - it’ll be truly a miracle if he can walk the same way he used to again - but he’s alive. He’s alive. 

“Ahsoka,” Anakin croaks, his entire presence vibrating with rage and hatred and agony, but she doesn’t care, she can’t leave him, she can’t just stand there, she has it in herself to at least try and help, so she does. 

“Master,” she murmurs back, and she turns to Obi-Wan. “Can you-”

She can’t finish the sentence. The moment she looks at his face, she knows that Anakin Skywalker is not the only person who died in spirit today. Obi-Wan looks and feels like but a shell of the man he used to be, shattered to pieces by betrayal and loss, and yet he still finds the strength to nod and step forward. 

And they head back together, the three of them, like it always was, but in a manner that never should have been.

A couple of quick sketches, but i didn’t have it in me to sketch Obi-Wan. 

This wouldn’t leave my mind until I did something about it. Enjoy the angst. 

(For DC readers, I’m working on it, I promise)

[cassandras-nest]

Brother.

this is , finally, the request @angelwars11​ made me for my 500 celebration (took too long to write it, i know)

she asked for a Cody-Rex hurt/comfort - sick fic, but i have to be honest here, i never wrote or read a sick fic so i tried my way. I think i made the hurt/comfort trope justice a bit.

a major thank u to @deakysgurl​ for being so kind to be my beta in this, even if she’s not into Star Wars.

warnings: after Umbara arc, hint of sickness.

(didn’t remember if Cody is actually older than Rex so i made it my own way)

___________

If I was dying on my knees

You would be the one to rescue me

And if you were drowned at sea

I'd give you my lungs so you could breathe

“No!”

Krell, Hardcase, all those men, Waxer... Not again, I'm not losing you all again, not again... Umbara again...not again, no!

Rex woke up screaming, drenched in sweat, his eyes wide open with fear... all images of Umbara's failure still in his head.

It was a nightmare, all those memories in his head again, memories of many brothers being killed, memories of his men who trusted him with their lives dying for an idiotic reason.

Just a nightmare, just a nightmare... he whispered trying to calm down, his heart still beating fast and his breathing irregular.

I need to calm down - easier said than done, he repeated quietly to himself.

It was far too early to get out of bed. But he was already awake and terrified that he would sleep again, afraid that the same nightmare might haunt him again or worse, that he would never wake up again.

After that disastrous campaign, after that fatal mistake, everyone suffered from nightmares. He was the one who suffered the most, not that he had told anything to anyone, not even to Cody, although he was probably the only one who would better understand right now. Something inside him broke forever, he wasn't the same. And maybe he never would have been.

He started to feel sick a few days later, but he didn't care. He blamed the lack of sleep and intense working hours, after all the war never rested, so why should he do that?

He didn't even care when he started to have a slight fever, it was all due to stress, he thought anew. Even though initially, Kix advised him that he should have stopped and started taking care of himself, he didn't listen.

“I am the Captain, I have duties“ He replied, almost annoyed, only to be reprimanded by the latter.

“You can't fulfill your duties if you die, captain” That was the harsh answer the medic gave him.

Unfortunately, he could not hold him against his will, so he had to let him go.

As expected, he started to feel worse the night before. Dizziness, excessive sweating, even vomiting a couple of times. In the morning he looked like someone who had been swallowed up by a feral hungry beast and spat out immediately afterwards. But still, he decided to carry on. He would have slept afterwards.

I have duties... He kept repeating himself.

Just outside his quarters, Cody was waiting for him. It wasn't unusual, he used to do it when they had a meeting together, but this time it was clearly different.

“Kix told me…” It was the first thing Cody said to him, and from the look on his face, he certainly wanted to know more...

“I'm fine, Cody. Trust me” He answered him quickly and started walking to the strategy room.

Cody looked at him for a moment, he looked like he was burning and had little drops of sweat on the sides of his head. No, he wasn't fine.

“You don't look good, Rex. Why didn't you come and talk to me?” Cody asked frankly while keeping up with his brother's pace.

“It's just stress. There's nothing to worry about. It would pass, as usual.” Rex tried to tone it down, forcing a smile.

“It's not like that. Kix told me you started having a fever days ago. Again, promise me you'll get some rest after this? Okay?” Cody pressed on.

“I am not a child, I know what I can do and what not” Rex replied visibly altered, stopping in his tracks and facing him.

He might be sick, but he didn't need his older brother to babysit him.

“Kriffin' hell, I'm worried about you…” Cody reacted.

He was damn worried about his brother, Rex was a little younger than him so he felt he had to be a good example, the burden of being the big brother was on him, he was his ori'vod afterall. But he also knew he couldn't force him to do anything, he'd always been damn stubborn.

“We'll talk about it later…” Rex concluded, entering the main room first, Cody followed him.

Only they didn't because Rex passed out in the middle of the discussion about the next battle strategy. He was delirious and trembling when Cody knelt before him, terrified to see his helpless brother.

Rex was frightened of who knows what and feverish as he tried to push away anyone who came near him, eyes closed and shallow breathing.

Obi-Wan and Anakin, also caught by surprise at first, did everything they could to help and took action immediately.

“Call Kix now!” Anakin barked at a nearby trooper as he knelt beside Cody, while Obi-Wan hurried out to get help too.

“What happened?” Anakin asked promptly to the Marshal Commander.

“I don't know much, Sir. All I know is it's been days, even Kix warned him to slow down, after Umbara... well, he hasn't slept much since” Cody said. True to his words, he didn't know much but he knew his brother was sick and he was absolutely sure of that, even though that di'kut didn't want to talk to him.

“Since then? Why didn't he come to me... or to you, to talk? Why do you have to be so stubborn? Huh, Rex?” Anakin answered, his last words almost whispered. 

“I think, as far as I know, he didn't want to let you down, Sir, after the last mission he was sure it was partly his fault, so he thought he had to make it up to you, somehow.” Cody said while looking at his brother still unconscious on the floor.

Rex was shaking a little and while both Cody and Anakin were trying to take off the top of his armor to give him more room to breathe, they tried to reassure him even though maybe he couldn't hear them.

“I knew it” Kix groaned as he entered the room followed by Obi-Wan “I knew I had to tie him down to the bed two days ago” He added as he made his way over to the other two.

“Sir, Cody.” Kix said once he approached them “Nice thought taking his armor off, but now I need you two to help me take him to the medbay and probably tie him up for real this time” He continued, instructing them on what to do next.

Cody and Anakin went into action immediately, lifting Rex's body and promptly following Kix.

Once there, he was finally put on a cot and left in the capable hands of his medic.

“If I may, sir, I'd like to stay here until Rex wakes up.” Cody asked Anakin promptly, even though he wasn't his direct superior.

“Of course, you can, I'll inform Obi-Wan don't worry, but as soon as he wakes up, please let me know.” Anakin asked, visibly concerned.

“Will do, sir. Thank you, sir.” Cody answered, standing at attention.

In the following days, Cody didn't leave that room even to eat, and when Kix ordered him to rest, he refused.

….

“Get some rest, Cody. I assure you he'll be all right when you come back." Kix said one afternoon, entering the medbay for his usual checkups and finding the Commander half asleep on an uncomfortable chair.

“With all due respect, you're not my doctor and I'll only get some sleep when Rex wakes up” Cody replied with too much annoyance in his voice.

“All right, whatever. But if you change your mind, I've got some empty beds you could use... I mean…” Kix casually said as he continued his rounds with his other patients.

Cody was tired, yes, but he felt like he owed it to him, to Rex.

He wanted to be the first one to insult him as soon as he woke up. He'd never seen him this sick before, and it haunted him.

Rex woke up five days later, still light-headed with painkillers and a burning sense of unease. He tried to move but he felt tired and numb, he was aching everywhere and could barely see. He had restraints, that he could feel. Someone had tied him up.

“What in the karkin’ hell happened.” he thought at first.

Then he saw Cody, asleep in a chair next to him. He tried to call him, but his voice was struggling to get out, so he waited and tried to calm himself down. He didn't want to sleep, he was just confused.

About thirty minutes went by, but Cody finally woke up. The first thing he did was to check on his little brother, finding him awake but barely conscious.

“Rex... Rex, how are you feeling? Can you hear me?” He tried to ask. He was bloody worried.

“I'm fine..“ It was the only thing Rex answered. His voice still hoarse but a little smile appeared on his face.

“Oh thank the Maker..” Cody relaxed but then added “And anyway, what the hell were you thinking, you could have died.” He said with a slight pinch of voice.  

“Codes...I don't think, I mean, i didn’t..” Rex tried to talk again... but damn it, he was getting tired already.

“Right, you didn't think... you reckless, inconsiderate son of a…” Cody raised his voice but then he stopped.

He didn't want to cry, after all, he was the big brother, but he was scared. 

After all, since the incident and the mission that had cost both of them significant lives, the nightmares tortured him too, but he had to stay strong for everyone, it was his duty as Mashal Commander.

“Rex, I don't want to lose you...not after everything that happened…” He quietly added.

Rex looked up at him and for the first time, he saw his ori'vod scared, really scared. Cody had never been scared.

“I'm sorry, I shouldn’t have..” He tried to talk again but he couldn't finish the sentence. He could feel the tears coming out and tried hard to keep from crying.

“Yeah, you shouldn’t have…” Cody said to him. “..I'll always be there for you, you know that, right?” He added as he moved closer to the bed where Rex was and hugged him as close as he could.

"Yes... I know," Admitted Rex, trapped in his brother's embrace. "Just... can you take these ridiculous things off me first?" He added.

Cody stepped back and they both looked at the restraints that Rex had on both wrists.

“Yeah, I'm sorry... actually it was your medic's idea” Cody answered, offering him an embarrassed smile. 

“Kix..” Rex groaned “I knew it”   

“Look, they were necessary, he wanted to make sure you didn't run off on him again” Cody informed him.

“Of course..” Rex sighed and said nothing more.

“I'll go get him, okay? So besides taking these off, we' ll see how you are. And then I'm off to inform Skywalker” Cody said again, taking the situation in hand, instinct kicking in.

"The General? Why?" Rex asked surprised.

Sure, Skywalker cared a lot about his men, but he didn't expect him to care. He had other things to think about at the moment.

"He made me promise to let him know when he woke up. Let me tell you, he was seriously worried." Cody told him.

For Cody, it was a fairly normal behaviour, but he understood Rex's shock, for the whole society they were nobody and few of them were treated like living beings. So when someone cared about them, at first they were always suspicious.

“Ah, don't worry about that now, I'll go get Kix, alright?” Cody added on the way out.

“Codes..“ Rex called him again when the other one was just outside the door.

“Yeah?” He replied worriedly.

“Thank you.” Rex said in a low voice...

“It is my duty, vod'ika “ He smiled at him and then rushed to call Kix.

Seeing Cody smile even for a bit was a sight that Rex wanted to remember forever, just like when they were cadets and everything was easy, just like before the war.

______

as usual, if you like it, reblogs are love so as comments, advices & more.

[romana73]

REYLO FANFIC: YIN AND YAN. CHAPTER IV

WRITER: Romana73 TIME: One year after Star Wars. Episode VIII. The Last Jedi THEME AND FANDOM: Star Wars RATING: Explicit TITLE: Yin and Yan CATEGORIES: M/F COUPLES: Kylo Ren/Ben Solo and Rey CHARACTERS: Rey, Kylo Ren / Ben Solo, Anakin Skywalker (nominated), BB - 8, Knights of Ren, Chewbacca, Darth Vader (nominated), Finn, General Hux, Han Solo (nominated), Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Poe Dameron, Rose Tico, boys from Canto Bright, Snoke (nominated), various Resistance and First Order fighters WARNINGS: The characters, the world and the stories of Star Wars AREN’T MINE AND DON’T BELONG TO ME, but they are created and owned by George Lucas, Lucasfilm, Disney, J.J. Abrams and Rian Johnson and the actors who play the Star Wars characters and their stories. I’M NOT IN ANY WAY LINKED TO THESE PEOPLE AND CINEMATOGRAPHIC HOUSES. I DON’T KNOW NO ONE OF THEM and I’M IN NO WAY IN CONTACT WITH THEM WARNINGS 2: violence, also at the language level. The starting idea of ​​this story derives from a leaks I read last year and which struck my imagination CHAPTER I can be found HERE: https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/189784450126/reylo-fanfiction-yin-e-yan CHAPTER II can be found HERE: https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/189959876431/reylo-fanfic-yin-and-yan-part-2

CHAPTER III can be found HERE: https://romana73.tumblr.com/post/190301208881/reylo-fanfic-yin-and-yan-3-part

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CHAPTER IV

- Why do you think I let myself be captured? - Kylo asked casually.

Standing in front of Rey, Kylo folded his lips in a fleeting amused smile. Rey stared at him, raising an eyebrow. -Oh well, maybe I just wanted to meet you in person ... to see you and touch you live ... I was tired of remote connections - he continued in a light tone. Rey darkened, glaring at him with a glance. Excruciating pain in head he had caused her with his constant attempts to force their connection was still alive. Kylo seemed to read her mind. He frowned, taking on a stern expression. -I warned you not to resist when things like that happen. You could have died! - He finished, thundering. Rey was startled in spite of herself, hearing his voice rumbling in room almost to shake walls. She looked around to see if boy's tone had attracted anyone, but nobody appeared. Rey turned against him, like a tiger whose foot was trodden. -You used me, betrayed me, tried to manipulate me, why on earth would I have to reopen the connection? I repeat what I said to you under torture: I won’t give you anything! - Rey growled at him. Kylo blinked in surprise, opening his mouth in amazement. His surprise lasted a blink, then his face hardened. Kylo took a slow step towards Rey. She held her breath, stiffening, but refused to let emotion leak. -I don't remember doing anything like that. I thought you were going to be on my side. You were trusting me, we were on same wavelength, instead you abandoned me! You turned against me, you attacked me like a coward! - He growled, trying to dominate her. - I turned against you? - Rey repeated, hissing and clenching her eyes and fists

- I'm not your dog!- She snapped indignantly. -I'm not even a murderess! You demanded I turn away while you massacred innocent people, my friends and even your mother! - Rey looked him in eyes, challenging him. Kylo swallowed heavily, without breaking eyes contact. - Now you're even killing children ... you suck me! - She screamed. He turned his face to one side, as if Rey had slapped him. Supreme Leader stared back at her, folding his mouth in a bitter smile. -Once again you think you know everything ... I thought I taught you to investigate thoroughly before sentencing ... - -It’s Knights of Ren who carry out murders and, if I'm not mistaken, they only obey you ... - Rey replied in a biting tone. -Um, yes ... well, let's talk later, do you want? Now we have to go - Kylo said absently, looking quickly at a black leather strap that he wore on his right wrist and Rey noticed only at that moment. She frowned. He had a bad feeling about that strange bracelet. -You are so impulsive ... you think always later ... - Kylo observed.

Rey took a step back, as the feeling of danger grew stronger. Bringing a hand behind her back, the young woman slowly drew her lightsaber, lighting it, while keeping her eyes fixed on him. Kylo absently looked at weapon Rey held in her hand. Supreme Leader smiled, taking on an air between bored and benevolent. Suddenly, handcuffs around Kylo's wrists fell to his feet, with a dull thud that made a shiver run down Rey's spine. She felt freezing, looking at Kylo's free hands. Moving fast, he kicked cuffs away from him and Rey, then, he grabbed her wrist. Rey felt as if he was squeezing her wrist and instinctively dropped lightsaber. Kylo picked up weapon, tucking it into his belt, while spinning Rey on himself, imprisoning her with one arm. Rey tried to free himself in any way. - Ah! - She screamed, feeling a pain in her arm. Kylo's grip felt like steel. -You're hurting yourself. You can't even use Force here - he advised her quietly as he looked around. Rey saw him raise one hand and draw handcuffs to him. Her eyes widened, she sensed his intentions and started fighting again. Kylo didn’t loosen his grip. Following her body movements, Supreme Leader surrounded Rey with other arm, hardly managing to block her wrists in anti-Force handcuffs. -You didn't thought I was present while Luke was building this cell. I know his tricks and, then, I can get by even without Force - Kylo whispered in Rey's ear, smiling and blocking her against him. She could feel her back press against Supreme Leader's wide chest, but she refused to linger on that fact.

-I can do better without Force, because I have lived longer than you, without even knowing I have it! - Rey replied firmly. Kylo grimaced, shrugging. -True ... - he murmured absently.

Suddenly, a deafening explosion caused wall behind them to collapse. Rey jumped, closing her eyes, while Kylo turned his face, quietly contemplating collapsed wall, while a broad and rudimentary opening was formed in its place. Sweating coldly, Rey watched a handful of Stormtroopers rush in and go up prison stairs, while a man dressed in black, wearing a helmet made from a blast furnace plate stopped beside Kylo Ren. Shivering, with a grimace of disgust, Rey noticed newcomer was carrying a huge cannon on his arm, modified almost beyond belief and concussion grenades on his chest. -Cardo - Kylo addressed him, with a dark and serious expression. - On time - - Thanks, Ren. I only carried out your orders - other replied dryly. Rey sensed change in Kylo Ren. From moment wall had collapsed, Kylo seemed to have raised another, impenetrable, wall inside him, but she had no time to think about it. Gunshots, screams and excited voices ripped Rey from his thoughts. Battle raged on floor above them. Rey's mind worked fast. Two men had talked about orders and schedules, but for two days, Kylo had been their prisoner, how he... memory of strange bracelet she had noticed on boy's wrist came back to Rey's mind. A transmitter, that's what it was, how stupid! Rey closed her eyes, blaming herself. “It isn’t your fault. I remind you, for a while, you have been out of game... " Kylo's voice reached her head loud and clear, as if he had spoken, instead he was communicating telepathically. - Did you find what you were looking for? - Cardo asked Kylo Ren - In part- he replied, nodding towards Rey. -I think it will be longer than expected. Call soldiers back, I don't want to ... - - REYYY! REY! - Finn's anxious voice interrupted Kylo’s words. The trio turned their eyes to access stairs. Rey held her breath. With wide eyes, she watched Finn fly down stairs, turning to shoot two Stormtroopers on his heels, before looking at Rey. The boy looked in pure horror at his handcuffed friend, held locked by an arm of Supreme Leader. -Leave her alone!- Finn screamed, frowning, his flashing black pupils, pointing blaster he held in his hand towards Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader remained in hush, staring calmly at ex former Stromtrooper. -Call the men. Let's go - Kylo ordered, turning his head towards Cardo.

He brought a transmitter in front of his mouth, ordering handful of soldiers to return. Kylo turned his back on Finn, starting to move towards breach in wall Cardo had previously opened, dragging Rey with him. She stumbled over her feet, but just holding her tight, Kylo prevented her from falling. -Stop! - Finn yelled again, arming his blaster - Finn! Rey! - Poe's voice came to Rey's ear.

The pilot stopped beside his friend, also drawing his weapon and pointing it at Kylo's back. Young target sighed, continuing to walk. Behind them rhythmic footsteps of the returning Stormtroopers were heard. Soldiers passed Kylo, ​​Rey and Cardo, pouring into hole in the wall. - Teacher! Teacher! - Two infant voices joined those of Finn and Poe. Rey stopped instantly. Struggling to free herself, she managed to turn to the children. -Milo, Cleena! Get out of here! Be safe! - Rey yelled, agitated.

Without letting go her, Kylo saw two children staring at him. One was small, blond, with blue eyes open and curious. Kylo narrowed his mouth feeling a big Force power, but also serenity and calm emanated from boy. He was struck by girl eyes, whom Rey had called Cleena. Force also flowed powerful in her. Biting her lower lip, girl stared at him from bottom up, with a dangerous light in her dark brown eyes. Curly and long hair of a reddish brown fell on her shoulders like a fiery mane. She couldn’t have been more than ten years old, but she seemed already pervaded by a deep anger. A fury Supreme Leader recognized had only one goal. Him.

Cardo raised his cannon arm, aiming it at group in front of them. - If you want, I'll sweep them away ... - he said, turning to Kylo. -Yuo damn killer! - Rey roared, fighting against Kylo's grip in an attempt to assault Cardo. Taken by surprise, Ren's Knight stepped back, whistling with admiration towards Rey. - You captured a proud tiger ...- he observed, watching Kylo struggle to keep hold of Rey. -Rey! Get away from him! - Finn yelled, trying to aim. He gave up nervously. Kylo Ren didn’t loosen his grip on Rey, making it impossible to shoot him without hitting her. Suddenly, an idea hit Finn's mind. Rey had once explained to him Jedi healed wounds. Dark Side adepts lost, however, this ability when they succumbed to evil. So maybe ... he could hit Kylo by hurting Rey? Leia was sure to help cure her and he was a great shooter. He could hit her without causing her serious harm. Kylo turned to him, as if he had read his mind. -Really? Would you have courage to do it? I’m amazed at you, FN-2187. Do you hate me so much? - Kylo forced Rey to straighten up and, holding her against him, with his hands under his chin, placed himself with her in front of Finn, challenging him with his eyes and a malicious smile. -Come on, shoot! I'll stop your bullet before it hits us and I'll turn it against you! - Kylo urged him. Rey shook her head. -Finn, no. Please. You would die unnecessarily ... - Rey murmured, as a tear ran down her face. Finn looked his friend in eyes, while Milo, Cleena and Poe stared at him waiting for a sign would reveal their friend's intentions, causing them to act accordingly. Kylo chuckled bitterly. -You don't know what he was going to do to you ... - he whispered in Rey's ear. - Bastard! You know very well that I ... I ... - Finn growled, still pointing the blaster at Kylo. -Stop! - A sweet but firm voice shook everyone in the room, as if waking them from a dream, dissipating tension in room. Cardo also seemed impressed. His arm also lowered, without him noticing. Leia appeared in room, as the sunniest of apparitions. Rey sensed a change in Kylo. Young man swallowed empty. -Let go Rey- Leia ordered, putting her hands on Cleena's shoulders and staring her son in eyes, with a resolute expression. -You lost, General Organa. Accept defeat and my magnanimous gesture - Kylo replied becoming, if possible, even darker. -I'll let you live- he added, looking away from woman in spite of himself.

Rey watched scene silently, sweating cold, confused. At that moment, Kylo looked like a boiling volcano. That was first time mother and son met after he killed Han Solo. Rey felt like she was skewered by a thousand daggers. One more cruel and painful than other, but emotion didn’t belong to her, but to Kylo Ren. Supreme Leader seemed to be pierced by a thousand lightsabers and each hit a deep wound. Rey staggered. -Enough! - She heard herself say, as if her voice didn't belong to her. Everyone stopped, staring at her. Rey turned his head, looking up at Kylo. -Let them go and I'll come with you - Rey proposed slowly. -No, Rey! - Finn and Poe snapped in unison -Rey ... no need ... - Leia's voice and expression softened. Kylo shrugged. -Unlike what you think, I don't like blackmailing people and I don't like being made fun of ... - Kylo replied, staring in Rey’s eyes. -I'm not setting you a trap - Rey defended herself. - Okay, then... - Kylo let go of Rey.

She wobbled in surprise at act. Supreme Leader moved a hand and Rey's wrists were free of anti-Force handcuffs. -Please, let's go - Kylo moved a hand, indicating to walk in front of him. Rey felt her eyes fill with tears as she contemplated her friends for last time. -Leia ... - she whispered, bringing a hand to her chest. Woman smiled, nodding. General Organa's eyes moved to his son's face, studying him openly. Kylo returned, watching her sideways, then he bent to pick up handcuffs, while Rey passed in front of him. Kylo put a hand on girl's back, guiding her to exit. -Teacher! - Cleena shouted, moving to chase Rey.

A small, chubby hand closed around the girl's wrist, holding her back. Cleena turned around, surprised to find was Milo who blocked her. Boy looked at his friend with a smile, then turned to Leia and nodded.

———————————————————————————————————–

Rey felt empty and disoriented as she walked with her back straight and her chin up in front of Kylo, ​​wiping away every minute tears burned her eyes. Ever since they left Resistance base, young Supreme Leader hadn't spoken, standing behind her, still holding one hand on her back. Nodding, Kylo had ordered Cardo to walk in front of Rey, closing off any escape routes for her. But Rey didn’t  want to escape. They had been walking in forest for two hours and, although trained, Rey was exhausted. Multitude of emotions felt that day had exhausted her. From moment they captured Kylo, ​​she had suspected something strange, but would never have thought of ending up in trap. The line stopped. Rey saw soldiers pass them and run forward. Cardo turned to Kylo. - The Finalizer isn’t far away, with your permission Ren, I would go and prepare everything for departure ... - he announced. Kylo nodded. Cardo moved away and Rey was alone with Kylo. - If you believe I will submit to you, then you have not understood anything ... - without turning around, Rey warned Kylo with his teeth gritted. A disturbance in Force drew both attention. Rey didn't have time to focus. Coming from behind, Kylo locked her wrists again with anti-Force handcuffs, also harnessing her perception. Ignoring her bad looks and grimaces of annoyance, he lifted Rey in his arms, following last stretch separated them from his ship on foot. Not far away, two powerful shadows followed them.

[tams-writeblr]

The Rise of Skywalker - Ending Fixer upper

So, um, I kinda did a thing? I was super disappointed by the ending of The Rise of Skywalker and I couldn't really get over it, until I fixed it. Just for me, just for my own peace of mind. It's not good. English is not my first language, I initially wrote this in German and it's a little better there. I wrote this in between going to the hospital (my dad is still hospitalized after his stroke on Dec. 21th) and work and taking care of my mother so it may seem inconsistent at times since I sometimes could only write two sentences before hurrying to the next appointment. But I have the urge to share this, somehow. I don't want that writing to go wasted and maybe, just maybe someone out there feels better after reading this too. Shout-out to all the great fan fiction writers out there, that made the time after TROS more endurable especially to @shruggyben that's trying to fix the whole mess that TROS is in their fan fiction.

Word count: 4.569

#BenDeservesBetter

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Ben's torso collapsed feebly on the ground.

Rey didn't have the slightest chance to catch him but her hands were right at his chest and neck. “Ben! What's wrong with you?“

But Ben Solo couldn't answer. Her words only got through to him like through a long tunnel. Well, seems this is the end, it crossed his mind. But he wasn't afraid of death. He got ready to become one with the force. Maybe he would finally be reunited with his mother, for sure with Luke. And maybe, if he allowed him to, he would finally be able to speak to his grandfather Anakin. The force wrapped comfortably warm around his heart and his soul. Using the last of his strength, he got a glimpse of Rey beautiful, gracious face. No, he didn't want to see tears on it. Of course, Rey, she won't be lonely without me, will she? She does have her friends. She was ready to die for those people up there. They'll be good to her, right?

“Of course they'll be good to her. But nevertheless Rey will be lonely without you. Have you already forgotten what Palpatine just revealed to you?“

Ben twirled around. Without any warning he found himself within a blazing white light. He couldn't identify a room and the voice he had heard was unknown to him until now.

Behind him stood a young man with wavy brown hair.

Ben's lips parted and he gasped for air in disbelieve. „Are you … Anakin?“

The man nodded and smiled softly. “Finally you are listening to me. I'm impressed by you capabilities. If only I had had half your abilities and half your dedication, maybe I could have saved your grandmother Padme from death too.”

“I wanted Rey to live. She deserves it more than me. But … I don't want her to be lonely. She will get over it, won't she?”

Anakin looked down. “You are two pieces of the whole. Do you know the term ghost pain? When I was alive I lost all my lips and even with the best prostheses I got, I kept on feeling pain in places that weren't even there anymore. And I fear, that Rey will feel that too.”

“No!”, Ben screamed at this grandfather, his idol, at the top of his lungs. “I won't allow that! Send me back to her! She must not suffer! She doesn't deserve this!”

“No, she doesn't.”

Ben froze. Without turning his head he set his eyes on a second person that appeared out of nothing on Anakin's left. “Mother”, slipped out of his mouth. Red spots spread on his cheeks, endless pain mirrored from his face.

“That's why I am here.” Leia walked towards her son. Her face was full of determination – and love. “Ben, I have seen this day coming when I finished my training as a Jedi. I swore off the force to protect you, to protect my then unborn son. I collected my energy all my life for this moment. Give me your hand.”

Hastily Ben grabbed both hands of his mother. “I'm so sorry. There are so many things I need to tell you.”

But Leia shook calmly her head. “This is not the time for that. Rey is worried about you. But bear in mind, my son, when you need me, I'll always be there for you.”

“All of us.”

Ben looked up watching into the faces of dozens of Jedi, whole generations of them. They all nodded cheering at him. In the front row Anakin and Luke Skywalker.

“And now take my force and be there for Rey. She needs you.”

Ben's eyelids started flickering and his brown eyes opened.

“Good gracious Ben, are you alright? I was so afraid you'd die!”

Ben found Rey's worried glimpse. She had tears in her eyes but hadn't started crying yet. Ben smiled. “No, rubbish. It just crossed my mind that I have to face your friends now. And for them I'm still Supreme Leader Kylo Ren.” Painfully he sat up. Too bad, his mother wasn't able to heal his broken bones.

“Of course I'm going to explain everything to them. When I say it's okay, they'll accept that.”

But Ben only shook his head. “No Rey. I don't want that. They are right. I've done so many unforgivable things. I'm the last one, that's gonna forgive me. I have to receive my just punishment.

“But you've been possessed by the dark side - “

“But I have let myself be seduced by the dark side”, he cut her word harshly. “I can’t shuffle out of my responsibility.”

Rey yielded some inches away from him. He had never been so harsh to her before. “I am not going to accept that”, she said determined and got on her feet. Troublesome she walked over to one of the dead Sith guards and ripped his cloak. “Leave your clothes here and escape. You shouldn't struggle finding a ship in this tumult. I am going to tell everybody that you saved my life and became one with the force. Only someone with a really pure heart can become one with the force. And if they need evidence, they'll find your clothes here. I don't think that anyone will come check, but we should play it save.” With her face averted Rey held out the long, black cloak to Ben.

Ben ran his fingers through his hair and pulled his brows towards his hairline. “You want me to get undressed? That's not quiet the right moment for that, is it?”

Rey countered his words with a strict view of her eyes. “It is not the time for some Solo-joke! I did explain my plan to you, didn't I? To calm you, I'm going back to my ship and return to the resistance's base.” Her eyes got softer when Ben finally took the cloak out of her hand. “I am going to find you.”

“I know”, Ben answered and looked after her, as she vanished form the cave system. Painful he got out of his clothes and wrapped the heavy cloak around his body. It had to look natural, if really somebody came to check Rey's story, so he draped his clothes like he had died lying on the ground, like he almost did. Should he tell Rey the truth someday? He limped his way back, had no idea how he managed to climb the iron chains back to the top and reached the surface as the last ship of the resistance made his jump into hyperspace. Around him, everything was in flames. It smelled like spilled fuel and burned, organic material. Soon Ben found an X-wing that was taken from the sky by Palpatine's force flashes. The pilot was sadly decreased but the ship was in a good enough condition to not call it suicide to fly off with it. So Ben pulled her out of the cockpit and took of her helmet – red seven was her identification. Ben closed the green eyes of the pilot and put on her helmet. Then he got into the ship and hasty started all systems. But where should he go? Soon the resistance would be the new government of the galaxy, so it had to be a remote place. His mind crossed Jakku for a second. That place was so remote that even Emperor Palpatine couldn't find Rey there for over ten years.

“Tatooine”, suddenly rang Luke's voice in his head. “Go to Tatooine and find Owen and Beru Lars' hut. I was raised there. So the hut more or less yours anyway. I wasn't found there for nineteen years, while still carrying my fathers last name.”

“Tatooine”, Ben murmured. “Yet another desert dump. If Rey would be happy with that?”

“I thought it's you going into exile?”

Ben rolled his eyes. “I don't wanna talk about that now, uncle Luke, okay?”

Uncle Luke chuckled knowingly and vanished from Ben's head.

“So it's Tatooine!”

~

Ben landed the X-wing ungently yet safely on Tatooine's desert ground. Two suns stood high on the sky and burned into his pale skin. Life on a space station had taken its toll. His bare feet touched the hot sand. Not a soul was seen anywhere or … Was that a market back there on the horizon? Clunky he dragged himself through the desert, still the pilot's helmet under his arm. The market seemed to never come any closer and Ben was more than once assured, he wouldn't make it. But finally, mobilizing all of his left energy, he reached the last stand before the desert began.

An old lady served the stall and sold strange dried fruit.

“Please”, Ben panted. “I need your help.”

“Watcher!”, gasped the old lady. “Young man, sit down!” With impressing speed for her age she placed a stool right behind Ben, so that he only had to dump down. “Here, take a sip!” She placed a bottle with some red liquid on his lips.

Ben took a tiny sip and looked intensely at her. “I'm looking for the hut of Owen and Beru Lars!”

The old lady pulled her eyebrows up in surprise. Then she pulled her arms confidently into her sides. “First, you need a doctor. You are lucky, my friend Maisie owns a medidroid. I'll take you to her.” With that, she turned over her shoulder and shouted at an other stall owner: “Hey, Butchwaa! I've some small emergency over here. Could you please shut down my stand?”

Butchwaa, a humanoid, winged life form, made an approving noise in a language Ben didn't know and the old stall lady helped Ben back on his feet.

While they walked over the market towards a small settlement, she pointed at the helmet in Ben's hand. “You're from the resistance?”

Ben nodded briefly. “Yes, you might say that.”

“What happened to your stuff?”

Awkwardly Ben realized that he still was only wrapped into a single cloak and avoided the lady's glimpse embarrassed. “I can't talk about that right now.”

The woman nodded understanding and took him quietly to a small, dark mud-walled house.

~

Ben, where are you? Rey sat in the middle of a roaring celebration, her eyes closed, her mental hand pulled out to the farthest edges of the galaxy but she didn't get a response. It was so strange, usually she could always feel Ben at the back of her mind but now there was only emptiness.

“Rey!”, Finn's voice took her out of her meditation. “You should also have some fun!”

Rey opened her eyes and saw Finn, Poe and Rose standing under her den and waving with some beer jugs up to her. Finn even held two jugs in his hand, one of them was for her. Rey slowly came down to them, a small smile on her lips. She took a jug out of her friends hand and took a deep drag out of it, then she smiled labored at her friends. “Yes, it's a good day for the galaxy.” She let her view run over the celebration resistance fighters. All of them were happy and danced, drank and whispered sweet nothings to their loved ones. Only one of them let his shoulders hang even with the big golden medal, that he always dreamed to have, hanging down his neck. “Excuse me for a moment”, Rey murmured and pointed at Chewbacca with her chin. She paved her way though the celebrating folks and knelt before the Wookie.

A sad buzzing left his throat.

“I know, I'm so sorry for you, that they all left us.”

Chewie whined for a heartbreaking half of a minute and then dropped his head into his hands.

Rey looked at her hands. “Well, you know … About Ben …” She struggled with herself, could she really include him in her secret? “Ben isn't dead Chewie. I'm in contact with him. He went into exile and he's going to tell me where he is. Would you like to join me, when I got to Ben?”

A deafening relieved whining left Chewbacca's throat and Rey quickly told him to be less noisy.

“Nobody must know about it. I haven't heard of Ben yet, but I'll leave tonight. There is something else I need to do. So you'll join me?”

Chewie nodded quietly, relief and real happiness was on his face. He snatched behind his back, where he had left his bear jug. The beverage in there was already flat but he touched her jug so hard, that half of her beer slopped around.

Finally it was a happy party for even the last members of the resistance. They celebrated until deep into the night and when a small stripe of light scratched the horizon, Rey was already back on her feet.

She trailed her way through drunken bodies and overtired soldiers and finally reached Finn's den.

He was asleep on his back with his mouth wide open and his arms spread away. Loud breathing sounds left his throat. Rey had to smile. She would miss him the most, he was her best friend. She put her hand into her leather bag where she carried Luke and Leia's light sabers and the old Jedi writings with her and pulled the tiny blue fragment of a crystal out. It was a part of Luke's kyber crystal, broken from the big part of the crystal during her fight with Kylo Ren. The fragment of course was too small to fuel a light saber but if Finn was only half as force sensitive as Rey thought, he knew what to do with it. Rey leaned over her friend to place the crystal into his hand when his blanket moved.

The dark haired head of Poe Dameron came twenty centimeters out of the blanket, still a comfortable smile on his lips, his face snuggled at Finn's broad chest.

Rey wasn't surprised at most amazed. Smiling she placed the crystal between Finn's fingers and turned away from her friends. On quiet soles she sneaked through the sleeping resistance fighters.

Chewie was already at the falcon, eagerly standing at the ramp, the engine running. He asked her with a quiet roar to hurry up.

Rey stepped next to her co-pilot. “Chewie, set our course on Endor. I have to go get something there.”

The ramp of the falcon closed behind the two that left without looking back.

Chewie let the falcon fly off on half power. Him and Rey didn't want to risk being noticed and followed by someone.

But of course their action wasn't unnoticed. A former storm trouper opened his eyes as the falcon rose from the surface. Finn rubbed his eyes in disbelieve and noticed the crystal fragment in his hand. He looked at intensely it for a moment and then looked behind the falcon. Take care, Rey, he thought and pulled the crystal at his chest. We'll meet again for sure. He buried his face in his best friend's hair. Poe still was his best friend,, no matter what happened between then tonight right? Finn looked once more back to the falcon, that than made his jump into hyperspace.

“Hyperspace jump successful, autopilot activated”, Rey resumed, pulled some flip switches and stood up from the pilot's chair.

Chewie road pleased and tried to stand up too, but a muted beeping from the engine room stopped him.

“Did you hear that?”, Rey asked.

Chewie got energetic on his feet and almost ran Rey over as he passed her. He pulled the engine hatch open and pulled without effort an in protest piping BB-8 out of the shaft.

“BB-8, what are you doing here?”, Rey asked terrified. On BB-8 piping her facial features fell. “What do you mean, you listened in on us and preferred to follow us? What about Poe?” Again BB-8 piped his answer nervously. Rey’s face got soft. “Oh, of course, Poe now has other responsibilities and doesn't fly as much as you used to, but that doesn't mean he likes you any less. But to be true, I'm actually glad you're here, we didn't take a board droid with us …”

Chewbacca murmured apprehensively and BB-8 beeped in protest.

“I know you won't betray us BB. But you must not overreact when you find out where we're about to go.”

~

“Rey!” Ben startled up from a deep almost coma-like sleep.

“Good evening, my name is ZB-29, I'm your medidroid in charge. I splinted your multiply broken leg as well as stopped an inner bleeding. Against the broken rips only helps quiet and relaxation, I am afraid. I therefore ask you to stay in bed for the next five to eight days.”

Ben looked skeptically at the medidroid. An old, outdated model with rusty hinges but he hadn't expected more. And he didn't intent to listen to ZB-29. He pulled the blanket away and found his legs covered in ugly brown trousers.

“Please young man, remain laid down. Such a behavior is not beneficial for your healing. Lay down or I have to call for my master.”

“Just call her”, Ben murmured and tried to stand up but his splinted leg failed to hold him.

In this moment the old lady from the market and her friend, who introduced herself as Maisie, entered the room. “What did I tell ya, Anuk, he already tries to get lost. Nothing is so hard as a man's ingratitude!”

So Anuk was his rescuer's name. “I didn't want to get lost and I am very grateful for both your help. But I really need to go. I have to find the hut of Owen and Beru Lars!”

“Oh my, Lars, I haven't heard that name in centuries”, it slipped out of Maisie's mouth. “Beru and her man have been very good to me and my Jericho when he had that attack on the field back then. How long ago is that horrible story? At least thirty-five years. She and her man have been killed in such a horrible manner and their foster son vanished. He is reputed to have become a hero of the republic but he was never to be seen around here anymore. Anyway, new or old republic, Empire or first Order, out here that doesn't matter. We don't feel a difference here. I'm turning one hundred years soon, boy, I've seen so many systems come and go. Of us, nothing ever changed. We don't care who takes our taxes. Senators, Grand Morffes or Generals, for us as small system, nothing ever changes. We've always been the last ones of the food chain.” “Geez Maisie. He only wanted to know where the farm of those two is. Nothing about your political views. Once you feel better, boy, we'll take you there, okay? Anyway, what's your name? How do you know the Larses?”

Ben looked briefly at his hands. “I'm Ben, Luke's nephew.”

“Nephew?”, it slipped out of both women's mouths. “I didn't knew Luke had any siblings.”

“A sister”, Ben answered and smiled at Anuk. “My mother.”

Anuk and Maisie returned his smile. “Very well, then get some good rest, Ben. The farm of the Larses is empty for more than thirty-five years, it won't run away within a week.” The two women left Ben alone only with ZB-29 at his side.

Rey, Ben sent his thoughts back out traveling. Rey, I'm on Tatooine. Come here in a week. I'll transmit the exact location where we'll me to you later.

~

A week passed surprisingly fast and finally Rey landed the falcon on Tatooine, the planet, that looked so shockingly like the place she grew up on. Almost with disgust she left the falcon into the boiling sand, felt the heat of the soil through her canvas shoes.

BB-8 didn't like the sand either as he got stuck in the Sand again and again.

“A desert planet of all things”, Rey murmured an Chewie howled assuring. She had landed pretty near to the Lars moisture fare. Surprised Rey noticed, that the sand had taken over more than half of the main building. It must have been abandoned for a very long time. Sadly there was nothing to be seen of Ben. Rey killed some time with sand sledging on a metal plate and inspecting what was left of the Larses household. Then she finally heard steps above her head.

“I'm sorry, I'm late. The medidroid wouldn't let me go.”

Immediately Rey's eyes welled up in tears. “Ben”, she gasped and levitated with the help of the force the dune up.

Ben walked with a stick, wore rundown brown clothes that were way to short for him and sandals of which his toes came out. “The people around here, have been really generous to me. They took me in like I was one of their kind and shared everything with me, they could do without.”

Rey hugged Ben happily. “I'm so glad to see you. I was worried sick, when I didn't hear of you for more than a day.”

Ben places his giant left hand on Rey's hand and lightly kissed her hairline. “I was pretty much incapacitated. But ZB-29 has put me back together pretty well.”

Rey gave him her bright and shining smile and Ben forgot all the pain that had pestered his body before, the stiff leg the probably stayed like that forever and the countless new scars he had taken. This smile, this warm loving welcome, redressed him for all that. He hoped to see that smile every day for the rest of his life. Did he deserve to be happy? Probably not. But Rey did. And as long as he was the one to bring her happiness, he had a reason to be alive.

“I've got them with me”, Rey remembered impetuously and dug in her big leather bag. She pulled out Luke and Leia's lightsablers.

“You want to do it here?”, Ben asked, not without a hurt glimpse at both sabers.

Rey nodded. “Yes, I will be nice, to have them near us, wouldn't it?”

Ben wasn't quite sure about that. Jedi-relics were known to attract the force ghosts of their former owners and he didn't know if he really wanted to be haunted by his crazy uncle for the rest of his life. But he agreed with a little nod. He was physically just not able to disagree with Rey.

And so he watched her from a distance as she knelt down into the sand and placed the lightsabers next to each other. Then she placed both her hands above them and the sabers started to sink to the ground. Deeper and deeper they sank into to chilly, almost damp soil. Rey was adamant that they gave his mother and uncle a symbolic grave and bury their lightsabers there. That was a typical Rey idea, how could he have said no to that?

Rey slowly turned around and faced him. There were red dots on her cheeks but she didn't start crying yet. “There is something more I have to show you, well actually more than one thing …“First she took a grip into her bag again and pulled out a completely new lightsaber. The handle was beautifully done and from a dark material with a ring on the one end being the fuse. Rey turned the ring and a yellow light-sedge evolved.

“Yellow?”, Ben breathed doubtfully. “But yellow lightsabers … “

“Are made of refined, red kyber crystals.”, Rey ended his statement. “It's your kyber crystal. I've been on Endor to get it. It's your, if you want it. I can build myself a new lightsaber.”

But Ben only shook calmly his head. “No Rey. I don't need a lightsaber anymore. I don't want to be a warrior anymore.” He pulled his hand around her wrist and she deactivated the light-sedge again.

“Good, then I'll keep it for me for now. I hope it brings me more luck than you.” She clipped the lightsaber on her garment as she always had done with Luke's and looked shyly at her feet. “You should know, that I haven't been alone on Endor. And I'm not alone here.” She quickly looked at Ben and pointed at a place behind him with her chin.

Puzzled Ben turned around. Who should Rey take with her? Wasn't it her plan that he went into hiding? And then he recognized Chewbacca, standing next to the falcon.

BB-8 was standing next to him, beeping in stir.

Chewie protested against BB-8's objections with an unnerved barking and kicked the small round droid to the side. After that he sprinted to his good-son and pulled him into a might and hearty hug only a Wookie was able to perform.

“Chewie”, Ben gasped and dropped his stick to return the Wookie's hug. “I'm so sorry for everything … “

Chewie cut vocally his words. He didn't want to hear any excuses. Of course the loss of his best friend still did hurt but having his good-son alive and well was enough for him for now.

“He would like to stay here with us. And BB-8 too. It'll take him some time to get used to you, but he promised to stay quiet about our whereabouts.”

Ben looked leery down at the little droid that still beeped nervously and carefully kept his distance from Ben. He would have to keep a close eye at the bucket.

“So that's our new home”, Rey noted and walked back towards the main house. From that point she could see a local woman walking past them in a distance with her pack animal.

When she noticed the foreigners too, she led her beast away from the invisible path the were walking and came towards them. “How unusual to meet new people around here”, she stated in her native dialect. “But it's also nice, to see some new faces. Who are you?”

Rey turned over her shoulder to look at Ben, Chewie and BB-8. Surprised she noticed Luke and Leia's force ghosts standing right behind them. No one except from her had noticed them yet. “My name is Rey and they are Ben and Chewbacca.”

“Rey and Ben … “, echoed the native woman. “And further?”

There Ben stepped next to Rey and took her hand with a proudly swelled chest. “Skywalker, Rey and Ben Skywalker.”

Chewbacca hollered pleased and offered to help the native woman to carry her goods bring home what she accepted gladly.

Slowly the two suns of Tatooine sank behind the broad horizon. “Do you think you can get used to this place?, Ben asked, still holding Rey's hand. “I know that you hate desert planets.”

Though Rey shook her head, her eyes fixed on the two suns. “No, I don't hate them. I'm coming from such a planet. They are exactly my line.” She looked at him with a smile. “We only have to get the farm free of the sand.”

Ben nodded and smiled. He didn't know that the future would hold for them, but with Rey at his side, he knew he could face all adversities.

[puckiety]

sitting on an overpass, screaming at the cars // chapter 1

"The whole affair is Ben’s fault - at least, that’s what Luke’s father says. After all, it was Ben who prompted him to drive across the country just for a quote-en-quote “talk” - a talk which ended in one tp’d Beverly Hills mansion, a very angry CEO, and a whole new generation of relationship drama in the Skywalker family."

Or,

It's 1988, and 17 year-old Luke and Leia Skywalker go on a road trip with Han, Chewbacca, and Wedge to teepee Palpatine's house in Beverly Hills.

(read on ao3)

The whole affair is Ben’s fault - at least, that’s what Luke’s father says.  After all, it was Ben who prompted him to drive across the country just for a quote-en-quote “talk” - a talk which ended in one tp’d Beverly Hills mansion, a very angry CEO, and a whole new generation of relationship drama in the Skywalker family.

But if one really thinks about it (at least, this is what Luke figures), it’s all Aunt Beru’s fault.  She’s the one who pushed Luke to go to Bible Study anyway, which is why he started talking to Father Ben about his familial issues, which is why Ben told him to go visit his father.  If Beru had listened to Uncle Owen, Luke would have continued living a life where the word of God had no impact on his everyday actions, let alone the word of one of God’s rather more questionable followers.

(That was how Uncle Owen referred to Ben, anyway; he’d never liked the older man, possibly because of his friendship with Luke’s father - before Luke’s father threw out his rosary and sold his soul to a capitalistic devil, aka going to the “dark side”.  Those were Ben’s words, not Luke’s.)

And if one looked at it from a certain point of view, it was Anakin who began the whole affair.  He was the one who couldn’t be bothered to take care of his children after Padme died, which led inevitably to the Skywalker twins being split up.  Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru took in Luke, citing that they had an actual blood relation, while Leia was left to the care of Bail Organa, whom they called “Uncle” but was really just an associate of their mother’s. Beru often tried to reassure Luke that they would have taken Leia in, too, had they the income necessary to raise two children, but Luke’s never believed it - not really.  He didn’t know the real reason he and his sister had to be separated, but he knew it isn’t what his aunt and uncle tell him.

(Granted, Albany wasn’t exactly far away from their New York farm, but it was far enough that Luke only saw his twin for holidays, and otherwise spoke only through letters or over the phone.)

In the end, it doesn’t matter whose fault it is, who pushed Luke into such a reckless course of action. What does matter is what he did on the way to that great big mansion belonging to his father’s boss.

The answer? Quite a bit.

--

“Hey, Aunt Beru?”

He barely pokes his head around the corner into the kitchen; Beru is elbow-deep in some floury mixture, probably cookies of some sort. For a second, Luke is almost sorry that he’s leaving before they get out of the oven - but only almost.  He’s already packed, and Han’s on his way; all that leaves is to convince his Aunt that it’s all his father’s idea.

“What is it, Luke?”

“Dad wants his yearly visitation.”

Beru pauses, and her lips purse into what Luke likes to think of as her Very Unamused face.  He winces, wondering if she’s going to say he can’t go - or if she’s going to ask too many questions.  But after a moment she sighs, her eyes falling closed, and she says, “Okay.  I suppose we can’t stop him.  When is he taking you?”

Luke laughs a little, and he knows it sounds nervous but he’s always been terrible at lying, especially to his aunt and uncle. “Actually, when I called him today he said he’d sent us a letter.  His driver is set to arrive today.”

Beru turns and pins him with a flat look. “Today?”

Luke nods, hopefully convincingly. “I told him we never got a letter - it probably got lost in the mail?”

There’s a moment of silence as Aunt Beru stares him down, waiting for him to flinch.  Luke continues looking apologetic, and finally she lets out another sigh.  This one sounds very tired.  “Today,” she repeats under her breath, then, “I swear, that man will be the death of me.”

Luke waits in silence for her to deliver the final judgement - yes, he can go, or no, he can’t.  Beru shakes her head a little, sighs again, and finally speaks.

“Fine,” she says, then, “Your uncle won’t be happy about this.”

“Thanks, Aunt Beru!” he chirps, kissing her cheek, “The driver’ll be here any minute, love ya, bye!”

“Luke, wait - ”

But he’s already halfway down the hall to where his suitcase waits at the door, his guitar case leaning against it. He pulls his key off the hook, slides his guitar onto his back, and wraps his fingers around the handle of his suitcase.  Before his aunt can catch up to him, Luke tugs open the front door.

Wedge is standing on the porch, drumsticks in his hand and backpack by his feet.  His other hand is raised as if he’d been about to knock on the door when Luke had opened it, his mouth open in surprise at Luke’s sudden appearance.

“Where’re you going?” Wedge asks, dropping his hand to his side.  His words spill out of his mouth in a big jumble, Brooklyn accent coloring his vowels even though he hasn’t lived in the city in ten years.  With his relaxed posture and the way he lazily twirls his drumsticks, it’s clear why everyone at school thinks he’s a stoner.

(The irony of that situation is that Wedge has never touched a drug in his life.  Well, as far as Luke knows, and Luke’s known Wedge since they were seven.)

“Road trip to see dad,” Luke says, because he doesn’t trust Aunt Beru not to be listening in and he doesn’t want the plan put in jeopardy. “You wanna come?”

The twirling of the drumsticks stops.  “Serious?”  Wedge asks. Luke nods.

“My ride’ll be here any - ”

Before he can finish his sentence, a beat-up VW Bus comes careening down the road, going at what is probably top speed.  Wedge turns at the sound of tires squealing, and squints at the van.

“Is that…”

Luke steps outside, slamming the door behind him.  “Yes,” he says, voice low enough that Aunt Beru wouldn’t be able to hear him even if she had her ear pressed to the heavy oak behind him.  Wedge frowns.

“You sure this is a good idea?”

“Wedginald,” Luke says, allowing exasperation to creep into his tone, “when have I ever let you down?”

Wedge pauses for a moment, considering this question, and then shrugs.  “Well, never, I guess.”

“Exactly.  So get in the van, and we’ll worry about any specifics later.”

As soon as he finishes his sentence, the VW bus screeches to a halt, and the back door is thrown open.  Luke throws his suitcase in, pushes Wedge in as well, and then clambers over the mess lying on the floor as he pulls the door shut behind him.

“Hey, kid!”

“Han,” Wedge greets, a little coldly.

“You should drive,” Luke says quickly, “Or else Aunt Beru’ll find out I lied.”

“You lied?” Han sounds incredulous, but he hits the gas anyway; Luke almost falls forward at the sudden burst of speed, but he grabs the seat.  Wedge does fall forward, swearing as he bangs his elbow on the door.

“I only lied a little,” Luke says once he’s situated himself back in his seat, guitar case firmly situated between his legs.  “We are going to California, we are going to see my dad, it’s just I didn’t tell her that you were driving me there.”

Han crows with laughter, banging on his steering wheel. In the passenger’s seat, Chewie laughs and says something rapid in Papiamento that Luke doesn’t catch because even after two years of friendship he only knows a fraction of the language. Whatever he says only makes Han laugh harder; Wedge casts a confused glance in Luke’s direction.  Well, at least somebody’s as lost as he is.

“What’d he say?” Wedge asks.  Chewie says something vaguely condescending – even if he can’t understand words, Luke’s gotten pretty good at tone – and Han’s laughs falter into chuckles.

“He said that we’ve corrupted Luke,” Han says.  Luke scoffs.

“I’m not corrupted.”

“Sure you aren’t, kid.  Well, I guess it’s to California, then.”

“Actually, we have another stop to make.”

Han hits the breaks, turns around to look Luke in the eye, and frowns.  “You didn’t mention anything about that, kid.”

Luke holds up his hands. “Listen, Han, this was all Leia’s idea, not mine.”

The older boy’s brow furrows.  “Leia?”

Luke sighs, dropping his hands back into his lap.  “My twin sister?  We have to go pick her up before we head out west.”

“You have a twin?”

Luke blinks, because has he really never brought up Leia before when he’s with Han?  It seems unlikely, but then again, Luke has a tendency to be forgetful – and Han doesn’t seem like Leia’s type.  Nor does Han seem like Leia’s.  Quite honestly, Luke thinks Leia might kill Han before they even make it to Beverly Hills, which would not be ideal.  He doesn’t think his sister has a license, he knows Wedge doesn’t, and Luke?  The only thing Luke can drive is a tractor.  And he can’t do that well.

“Uh, yeah?” Luke fiddles with the strap on his guitar case, wanting to take it out and play but also not wanting to annoy his best friend. Well, his best friend besides Wedge. And Biggs, but Biggs went off to the army a year ago and Luke hasn’t seen or heard from him since then. “Uncle Bail adopted her when mom died and dad…” he makes a gesture that doesn’t really do a good job of encompassing left us to work for some CEO and stopped giving a crap about us.  “I don’t get to see her very often.  I’ve never mentioned her?”

Han shrugs. “You might’ve, kid, I don’t know.”

Luke glances at Wedge, who gives him a look like what do you want me to do?  I know who your sister is.  Which is true; Wedge has crashed enough family Christmases and birthdays that he’s known Leia nearly as long as he’s known Luke.  In fact, Wedge arguably respects Leia more than he respects Luke, but Luke can’t blame him for that.  Leia’s a natural born leader, and she gives off the vibe that she could absolutely murder someone who crossed her. At the same time, she’s incredibly charming – Wedge likes to say it’s because she’s been raised by a senator.

“Well, she’s real,” Luke says, which is something he instantly regrets saying, because nobody was doubting Leia’s existence and now he’s just made a fool of himself.  “And she’s in Albany, so. Head that way?”

“You’re gonna owe me for this, kid,” Han says.  Luke shrugs, partially because he knows Han won’t dump them halfway across the country and partially because Leia’s the one with the money, not him.  “Fine.  Albany it is. Chewie, put in a tape.”

[theabominableblogger]

Rewatching “Revenge of the Sith”

Ohhhh yeahhh, I’m going there.

My apologies in advance because this post is so long...

*silently boogies out to 20th Century Fox jingle and ends up throwing popcorn everywhere*

*mouths along to opening theme*

WAR!

“Evil is everywhere.”  Dude, this is Star Wars we’re talking about...

Just a heads up, I am so freaking glad that we have The Clone Wars because honestly, it has a lot more flowing character development when it comes from jumping from “Attack of the Clones” to this movie, especially Anakin.

Lens flare!

Holy snot how many Republic ships are there?!?  Did the Separatists come with every single ship imaginable?  Is that why?

Aaaaand that’s a dead body.

The hell are those things?

“Nothing too fancy.”  Says the man [Obi-Wan] who dramatically drops his robes whenever possible.

*imitates the buzz droids*

“IN THE NAME OF-”  Finish the sentence, Obi-Wan!

R2′s taser thingy looks like the Twelfth Doctor’s sonic screwdriver.

What if they didn’t notice the shield in time?

Boom!  End of saga.  Cue end credits music.

Ohhhh this asshole.

WHAAAATTT’SS THE SITUATION, CAPTAINNNN???

*imitates the droids saying “Roger roger”*

How come Anakin and Obi-Wan aren’t getting jostled around when the elevator car first stops?

*quotes the entire “No loose wire jokes” conversation in the elevator*

Is that the same freaking chair that’s gonna pop up in “Return of the Jedi?”

Anakin and Obi-Wan fight Dooku but every time their lightsabers clash, it’s Obi-Wan going “Hello there”

Did Dooku just backwards kick Anakin away?  Oh my God...

DEW IT

 *Anakin kills Count Dooku*  Well done, prequels.  You done didn’t use your Christopher Lee effectively enough.

ALL BATTERIES FIRE, FIRE!

Wilhelm Scream!

*imitates droid saying “Reversing stabilizers...”*

Holy crap, you can actually see Grievous’s face kind of twitching with anger when he commands the droids to level out the ship.  Dang.

Freaking Obi-Wan’s little yell of horror when he wakes up...

*ugly cackles*

*quotes the entire ray shields scene*

I cannot freaking believe that the TV show took the time to make freaking sure that Anakin never met Grievous until this movie.

Actually, yes I can.  They have a goddamn script continuity department.

How come one of them didn’t take one of the electrostaffs?

The Separatist flagship just tore in half when it entered the atmosphere and yet I remain completely unfazed.

“8 plus 16...”  Pfftt, what the heck does that mean?

Guys, I think I found the origin for the Dramatic Hair Flop of Angst in TCW

Pretty sure that’s the Millenium Falcon at the bottom hangar

“Oh, I’m not brave enough for politics.”  *cough cough*

Obi-Wan gets a whole freaking bus to himself.  Chaos will ensue.

How has no one noticed Padme just hanging out next to one of the pillars?

“There were whispers... that you [Anakin] had been killed...”  Really?

Anakin’s reaction to Padme telling him that she’s pregnant is actually really good.

Wasn’t there like a deleted interaction where Anakin first accused Padme of sleeping with someone else while he was gone but then they decided that was not that great of an idea?

The music that plays when Grievous exits the shuttle is pretty sweet

*imitates Grievous saying “Yes, Lord Sidious?”*

*claps with each word*  This is not how you write romance, [George] Lucas!

Oh I didn’t realize that you could actually hear Anakin’s robotic arm move when he puts his face in his hands

“How long is it gonna take before we start being honest with each other?”  You [Padme] should have asked that before you two got hitched in the first place.

Ladies and gentlemen, the absolute worst therapy lesson in the history of Star Wars:  Yoda telling Anakin to basically get over himself and accept the sudden, incoming death of the people he loves.

“What must I do, Master Yoda?”  MOTHEREFFING IGNORE HIM!

“Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.”  NOOO, OH MY GOD...

There’s actually a whole video by Pop Culture Detective that went into detail how terrible the Jedi Council were when it came to giving Anakin emotional support.

“Be careful of your friend Palpatine.”  And your pal, Friend-patine.

I just noticed that there are less chairs in the Jedi Council room

“The Council doesn’t like it when he [Palpatine] interferes with Jedi affairs.”  Then why the heck don’t they confront Palpatine about it?

Holy crap, I just realized that this movie came out 13 years ago.

“Hold me, like you did by the lake on Naboo...” Was that really “holding” though?

Anakin’s delivery of “At last!” sounds like Darth Maul when he said “At last we will reveal ourselves to the Jedi” in the first movie.

This entire opera scene should be a dead give away to Anakin learning about Palpatine being the Sith Lord.  The minute Palpatine even said the word “Sith” should have raised a few red flags...

This entire Darth Plaguesis explanation is so good and ominous.  Just the minute Palpatine finishes the story and tells Anakin that there are other ways to gain that sort of power, you can just gradually feel the dread setting in for the rest of the movie.  You just know something bad is gonna happen (besides Anakin becoming Darth Vader)...

Look at the way Obi-Wan’s sitting in his chair!

Oh my God... the Wookies just did a Tarzan yell...

Headcanon:  he’s [Anakin] checking for updates about the Siege of Mandalore

OK, everyone craps on the Utapau storyline with the fight scene between Obi-Wan and Grievous but I actually think this is one of the best parts in the movie.

I love the design for the Pau’ans

GUYSSS I LOVE BOGA SO MUCH YOU HAVE NO IDEA!!!

Someone get me a plush animal of her on my desk pronto!

HELLO THERE!

GENERAL KENOBIII... YOU ARE A BOLD ONE...

That pose though!

That spinning helicopter move Grievous does while stalking toward Obi-Wan was always really cool to me.  A little extra, but still cool.

ARMY OR NOT... YOU MUST REALIZE... YOU ARE DOOMED!

Oh I don’t think so!

*imitates Obi-Wan using the Force to throw Grievous*

Wait, so how many times has Cody had to hold onto Obi-Wan’s lightsaber when Obi-Wan freaking drops it?

Death Star plans?

Big question:  so how old is Anakin here?  He’s 19/20 in “Attack of the Clones” and there’s at least a one or two year time jump in S3 of TCW.

Yo, that means he was like late 30s/early 40s when he died in “Return of the Jedi.”  Well shoot, man...

Yeah, Obi-Wan, let’s freaking kick the crazy homicidal cyborg.  Great idea.

Is Grievous just covered in gasoline or something because he just went up in flames *snaps* just like that.

Ohhhh this scene with Anakin and Padme looking at the windows of their respective places is really good...

Look at freaking Anakin here! 

George Lucas deserves any and all sins for the bad dialogue for Anakin because Hayden Christensen can really act when he’s not given any dialogue and he’s just told to react. 

So, with that, henceforth, there shall be no dissing Hayden Christensen on my blog.

I AM THE SENATE!

Dramatic window break!

Palpatine’s lightsaber just freaking deactivated as soon as Windu kicked it out the window

Wowwww... the prosthetics on Palpatine look.. bad....

UNLIMITED.... POOWEEERRRRR!!!

I just realized that Anakin kind of walks over to Palpatine on his knees before he pledges himself to Palpatine

Why Darth “Vader” though?  Is there any special reasoning for that?

AN:  Holy crap, there’s an hour left and Anakin has just turned to the Dark Side...

Pfftttt....

THESE SHOTS THOUGH

Man, I need to download more tracks from this soundtrack...

You can tell that that’s green screen behind Cody

*in best Palpatine impression*  Execute Order 66!

Nooooooooooooo, Boga!

Aaaaand everyone dies and it sucks now!

Ughh, Aayla Secura...

NOOOOOOOOOO PLO KOONN!

What planet is that?

Here’s my question:  in Rebels, how the heck did Thrawn get Gree’s helmet?  Was there an imperial campaign out on Kashyyyk and he found it somewhere?

That small matte painting shot of the Jedi Temple burning is actually really pretty now that I see it again

Yooooo can we talk about this padawan though?

Kashyyyk has twin moons...

So what happens to Chewie after this and before the Han Solo movie?

Heeeyyyyyyy I know that kind of ship!

“Have faith, my love [Padme]...”  Uhhhh... Padme should have picked up on how... off that line was

How has NO ONE in the Senate (besides Organa and probably Mon Mothma) picked up on Padme’s pregnancy?

*imitates Palpatine*  Mustafaaarrrrr....

“Could be a trap.”  It’s Star Wars.  There’s always a trap.

What’s that planet right next to Mustafar?

Random xylophone scales!

Yoda is taking no prisoners!

Where are the lightsaber/balster holes in the younglings?  Yoda said that they were probably killed by lightsaber so where are the marks on their bodies?

Yellow eyes...

“So this is how liberty dies:  with thunderous applause.”  Best.  line.  Ever.  Someone send flowers and chocolates to Natalie Portman.

“I've recalibrated the code, warning all surviving Jedi to stay away.”  Aaaagghh and we see it in Rebels and in the Last Padawan comic!

Don’t mind me casually dying

I just noticed that gradually throughout this movie, you can see Obi-Wan get grey hairs in his sideburns

*Obi-Wan sneaks onto Padme’s ship to Mustafar*  Where did he come from?!?

“You [Darth Vader] have restored peace and balance to the galaxy.”  *in best Anakin voice*  OK... now what?

“And together, you [Padme] and I [Anakin] can rule the galaxy! We can make things the way we want them to be!”  Wow, “The Last Jedi” is just smackin’ me in the face right now

Anakin... you’re breaking my heart!

That is just extremely bad timing on Obi-Wan’s part

YOU HAVE DONE THAT YOURSELF!

Your new Empire?!?

DEMOCRACY!

“Only a Sith deals in absolutes.”  A what?

That’s a pretty nasty lisp you have there.  Might wanna do something about that.

You know how this Yoda vs. Palpatine fight could be more amazing?  Just add helium

Honestly, for the BIG DEAL fight between Anakin and Obi-Wan, it just goes on for a little bit too long.

Plus when it’s intercut with the Yoda vs. Palpatine, the latter is way more entertaining (hello, two most powerful peope going head to head with actual Force lightning being involved?)

Are they [Anakin and Obi-Wan] just kicking each other with the Force now?  Wow...

NOT EVEN HITTING EACH OTHER!

Seriously, they’re just banging their lightsabers together and calling that a fight.  C’mon... actually try to hit the opponent!

Duel of the Fates!

*Palpatine throws the Senate chairs at Yoda with the Force* So I threw the Senate at him!

Honestly, you could cut out this whole balance thing on the sinking balcony and mining buildings/walkways

Commander Fox?

ExPLOsions...

Noooo... cut this out...

“Into exile, I [Yoda] must go.  Failed, I have.”  And yet people complain about Luke doing the exact same thing in the sequel trilogy

You’re not even trying to hit each other!

FROM MY POINT OF VIEW, THE JEDI ARE EVIL!

IT’S OVER, ANAKIN!  I HAVE THE HIGH GROUND!

YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!

“You were my brother, Anakin.  I loved you.”  Uuuggghhhh....

I actually read somewhere that Ewan McGregor actually asked George Lucas to change the line to past tense instead of the original present tense.  Which is sad, so thanks Ewan.

Can’t you just put out the fire with the Force?

How did 3PO and R2 get an unconscious Padme on board?

Where is this?

*Palpatine’s shuttle lands in Coruscant*  It was a dark and stormy night...

Y’know, at this point, me comparing Anakin being repaired and transformed into Darth Vader and the creation of Frakenstein’s monster is almost inevitable at this point...

Stupid question, but what’s the significance of the names “Luke” and “Leia” concerning the themes present in the movies?  Or is that up to people like me who enjoy the meta to find that out?

He [Darth Vader] just killed that medical droid next to him...

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!

Do not want....

“...[Qui Gon] learned the path to immortality...” In the TV show!

I like how the last line in this freaking movie is “Oh no!” and it’s from 3PO...

Triceratops rams!

The design for Padme’s funeral garb is actually Iain McCaig’s favorite concept art

How did they develop TIE fighters so quickly?

Oh my God, the dude they got to play Tarkin... oh God...

Definitely not Peter Cushing

*gasp*  Leia’s theme!

Random eopie noise!

Oh my God, “Binary Suns”...

Obi-Wan’s like “Great, now I gotta help a pair of random, separate Force-sensitive teenagers and their astromechs in the near future...”

Wait, they put Ewan McGregor in top billing?

“With Samuel L. Jackson as Mace Windu”  Thamuel El Jackthson!

Holy crap, I forgot Joel Edgerton plays young Uncle Owen

[stonefreeak]

Oh boy, here we go! 

Padmé stares at the clock on her bedside table. She knows it’s time to get up and get ready to face the day, but she… She doesn’t want to. She wants to stay in bed and just pull her duvet over her head and not leave her room until at least tomorrow.

The room is still dark, the blinds drawn with not a bit of outside light allowed inside.

She’s tired, she’s sad… She’s angry. Angry with herself for allowing things to go this far.

She’s resentful of her own marriage. She resents that she got married… and she hates herself for it. She doesn’t regret or resent Anakin, how could she? She loves him so, so much.

But the marriage?

It’s a big, dark secrets that tears at their souls constantly because they have to hide it from the rest of the galaxy. Anakin broke his oaths to the Order to marry her and so they’re trapped in secrecy…

Anakin has said that after the war is over, maybe he’ll resign from the Order and they can finally be together in the open. She can finally tell her friends and trusted confidants—her handmaidens—and her family. Anakin can finally tell Obi-Wan, his family.

It’s a dream. A lovely rose-coloured dream, where everything is perfect and they’re so happy.

But now, now she knows the reality of what will come. Anakin will lose his adopted culture, leave his calling behind. What will he do, if he’s not a Jedi helping people?

Perhaps, he’ll be a mechanic, he likes that. He might be happy with that.

Padmé… Padmé will lose her standing. She will lose her role as senator, and her ability to affect change and help people in the galaxy. Can she be happy despite that?

She doesn’t think so, even with Anakin at her side. Once upon a time, yes, but she’s been in politics too long now, it’s one of the things that define her as a person. What is she without it?

Should their marriage be brought out into the open, she will lose all of it.

A secret relationship is nothing, it can be explained and understood. But a secret marriage? Sworn before the gods of Naboo?

Oh, even if her yearly approval ratings don’t fall enough to cause a re-election, the reigning monarch of Naboo can still unseat its Senator. It will all come down to the monarch currently ruling when the truth comes out. Or perhaps even the monarch after that. It is a mark against her that will never fade away.

Perhaps it is more fair if they both lose what they have, aside from each other. But even so…

Resentment…

The secret of their marriage weighs heavy on them. Because they have to hide it from everyone else, they swore never to keep anything at all from each other and so… And so they’ve endangered the secrets of the Republic. They’ve told each other military or political secrets they should not have, because they swore not to keep anything from each other.

How can they keep secrets from each other, when one of the most important aspects of their lives must stay secret from everyone else?

Oh, Padmé knows she can trust her handmaidens with it, but if Anakin has no one to tell, how can she tell someone? It would be so gravely unfair to her husband if she can lighten the burden of their secret while he cannot.

So she doesn’t. She holds it in—even as it burns and rips her apart from the inside, claws at the very foundations of her faith and culture. You do not keep a marriage a secret, on Naboo, not unless you are ashamed, and if you feel shame about your spouse, why would you swear yourself to them before the gods?

She rolls over, buries her face in her pillow, and screams. She’s exhausted.

If only they had waited. Not with being together, not with their love, but with their marriage.

They’ve endangered information that needed to stay secret and she… she broke a friend’s trust. She promised Obi-Wan she wouldn’t tell anyone but Ellé, but she did. Without even a second thought, she did.

She’s done it before too. She’s discussed Senate secrets with Anakin without a second thought. She has never had an actual reason to, he’s not actually interested for the most part. But… no secrets means no secrets. He’s told her about his own missions for the same reason.

It breaks her heart. How did it come to this? She let this happen. They had agreed not to, and then just before they entered the arena on Geonosis… She could have died knowing she rejected him and in the moment she couldn’t bear the thought.

Even worse still… she has not spoken of her doubts with Anakin. Despite all their promises, she is hiding something from him. How can she explain what she feels without hurting him?

The door to her bedroom slides open. “My lady?” Sabé’s voice rings out, hushed but clear.

She doesn’t answer. How can she, when tears threaten to thicken her voice.

Movement, the rustling of Sabé’s dress and the feeling of the mattress giving under added weight, and then Sabé’s warmth at her back, strong arms pulling her into her best friend’s arms.

Padmé clutches Sabé’s arm. She’s always known so well what Padmé needs.

“Should I cancel your commitments for the day, Padmé?” A sweet whisper. Only in these quiet, intimate moments will Sabé call her by her first name.

“No…” Padmé croaks. “But let me just stay here for a while longer… just a while longer.”

Sabé pulls her in closer and squeezes her for a moment. “Do you want me to leave?”

“... No…” Padmé feels like a child, small and sad. She should be stronger than this, but… she allows herself the momentary weakness. No one can be strong all the time.

She closes her eyes and counts Sabé’s breaths, finding some small comfort in her best friend’s arms.

“It’ll be alright, Padmé. You’ll see,” Sabé whispers and presses a small kiss to her cheek.

Padmé falls back asleep knowing Sabé will wake her up when the time comes.

~~~~

Her lekku twitches briefly and she takes a deep breath, smoothing her dress out. Show time.

She walks through the Senate Office Building and no eyes fall on her; she has long since learned how to move unseen—hidden in plain sight. Face placid, but with a small smile. A twi’lek woman without a smile on her face draws attention. It has always galled her, probably always will, but it is beyond her power to change.

She carries her bag casually, regardless of its contents. She focuses on her breathing to keep it slow, despite the slight uptick of her heart rate.

Click, click, click.

Heels against the polished floors until finally she reaches her destination.

The secretary at the desk confirms her appointment before he he sends a message on a comm.

She waits. Time ticks by slowly and she deliberately does not clench her hand around the bag’s shoulder straps.

“You can go inside.”

She says her thanks with a smile and moves on. Almost there, she’s so close to her goal now. The door opens with a swoosh, and she’s greeted by the sight of a grand office and the person she’s meeting looks up from his desk.

“Ah, welcome!” Senator Organa says with a kind smile on his face.

“Thank you, Senator, and thank you for meeting with me.”

She walks farther into the room, and the human leaves his desk. He shakes her hand with a strong and sturdy grip.

“Now, ab—” before he can finish his sentence, the door swishes open behind her.

“Senator! I apologise for interrupting, but you have an urgent comm from Queen Breha!” the Togrutan secretary says, wringing his hands.

“Pardon me, I have to take this. Do sit down, I’ll be right back.”

“No worries, Senator. Take you time.”

She watches him leave the office with his secretary, and then she’s all alone.

—

(Supreme Chancellor Obi-Wan Kenobi masterpost)