#SYM Devadatta

[saintsarefake]

Young Rahula: I need someone to be my friend... Maybe you could send me an angel, the nicest angel you have...

Devadatta, maniacally laughing in the middle of a raging forest fire:

[hellany]

Basically the Koliya siblings

Devadatta - Hates Buddha's ass

Ananda - Literally Buddha's assistant

Yasodhara - Married Buddha's ass

♡Happy Family♡

[saintsarefake]

Jesus: Listen, Devadatta just needs to learn some morals and values!

Ananda: LOOK AT HIM AND TELL ME THERE'S A GOD.

Devadatta: Hey, he made me in his own image.

[saintsarefake]

Jesus about Devadatta: Buddha, no offence, but he's an asshole! He's purposely stabbed you on more than one occasion!

Buddha: Well some of those stabbings were accidental!

Jesus:

Buddha: Okay, well, I know for a fact the third time was accidental.

[saintsarefake]

Devadatta, writing in his diary with a glitter gel pen: I'm losing my sense of humanity. Nothing matters. God is dead. There's blood on my hands.

[saintsarefake]

Mara texting the group chat: I'm going to the store what flavour of ice cream do you guys want?

Lucifer: Moose Tracks is good!

Devadatta: What the fuck is that!?

Lucifer: How dare you insult Moose Tracks!

Devadatta: No no no not that. What the hell. Why do you spell flavor like flavour? It’s like you have flavor but then this guy shows up and is like “Oui Oui Would you like chocolate flaVOUR or vanilla flaVOUR.

Mara and Lucifer: What?

Devadatta: I don’t get it why add the EXTRA u when it’s PERFECTLY FINE AS IT IS!?

Mara: You done now?

Devadatta: Yeah ok.

Mara:

Lucifer:

Devadatta: Can I have the Mint Chocolate chip flavour?

[saintsarefake]

Moggallana: So, you're driving, Lord Buddha and Devadatta walk into the road. Quick, what do you hit?

Sariputta: Oh, that's easy, obviously Devadatta!

Moggallana: THE BREAKS SARIPUTTA YOU HIT THE BREAKS.

[saintsarefake]

Buddha: In my experience, Devadatta can be a very dangerous man, so it's important to take all necessary precautions when approaching him—

Jesus, blowing an air horn in Devadatta’s direction: GET FUCKED.

[saintsarefake]

Devadatta: Buddha, my old friend!

Buddha: I'm pretty sure you tried to kill me on multiple occasions.

Devadatta: That was obviously just my way of getting to know you better!

[saintsarefake]

Devadatta: I'm so tired of this life. I wish to be a Roomba, I want knives tapped to me, and I want to be set loose.

[saintsarefake]

Devadatta: *bursts into the room and starts packing*

Ananda: What happened?

Devadatta: Nothing died.

Ananda: WHAT KIND OF ANSWER IS THAT?

[saintsarefake]

Devadatta: I'm not evil anymore, I want to be loved now.

Devadatta after the Swan (TM) incident: Evil again.

[saintsarefake]

Beelzebub: Can you guys please stop fighting?

Mara: N o.

Lucifer: I'm a lesbian.

Judas: I want to fling myself into the sun so hard my big balls come off.

Beelzebub: *chocking noises* KiNkY-

Devadatta, pretty much fed up with everyone's shit: I will personally make sure you die of food poisoning you good for nothing bowls of cereal.

[saintsarefake]

Adam: If you took a shot for every bad decision you ever made, how drunk would you be?

Beelzebub: Not even.

Devadatta: Maybe a bit tipsy at best?

Lucifer: Definitely drunk.

Judas: Wasted.

Mara: In an alcohol-induced coma.

Eve: Dead.

[saintsarefake]

Lucifer: So, who broke it? I'm not mad, I just want to know.

Judas: I did. I broke it.

Lucifer: No, no you didn't. Jack?

Jack: Don't look at me, look at Beelzebub.

Beelzebub: What? I didn't break it.

Jack: Huh, that's weird, then how did you know it was broken?

Beelzebub: Because it's sitting right in front of us and it's broken.

Jack: Suspicious...

Beelzebub: No! It's not!

Yama: If it matters, probably not... but Devadatta was the last one to use it.

Devadatta: Liar I don't even drink that shit!

Yama: Oh, really? Then what were you doing at the coffee cart earlier?

Devadatta: I use the wind stirrers to push back my cuticles everyone knows that, Yama!

Judas: Alright, let's not fight. I broke it let me pay for it, Lucifer.

Lucifer: No. Who broke it?

Beelzebub: Luci, Mara has been awfully quiet-

Mara: OH REALLY.

Beelzebub: YES REALLY.

*Ten minutes later*

Lucifer: I broke it. I burned my hand so I punched it. I predict in the next ten minutes from now, they'll be at each other's throats with warpaint on their face and a pig head on a stick.

Lucifer: Good. It was getting a little chummy around here.

[saintsarefake]

*The night after Buddha rescues the swan*

Ananda: Would you rather kill Siddhartha or-

Devadatta: Yes. Kill him.

Ananda: But I didn't get to say the other-

Devadatta: I don't need to hear it.

Siddhartha:

Siddhartha: I'm feeling a little unsafe.