#Source: Parks and Rec

[stephreynaart]

Was never super into the reverse falls au, don’t know all the details, and not interested

But I always imagined the gleeful twins being exactly like the Saperstein Twins from Parks and Rec

[incorrect-thunderbolts]

Walker: If you don't want to talk to me, you can just say so.

Bucky: I don't wanna talk to you.

[sleep-gummies]

this has definitely been done

Spot: So. Who broke it?

*Silence*

Crutchie: …I did, I broke it-

Spot: No, no you didn’t. Race?

Race: Don’t look at me. Look at Davey.

Davey: What? I didn’t break it.

Race: That’s weird, how’d you even know it was broken?

Davey: Because it’s sitting right in front of us and it’s broken.

Race: Suspicious.

Davey: No, it’s not!

Jack: If it matters, probably not, but Sarah was the last one to use it.

Sarah: Liar, I don’t even drink that crap!

Jack: Oh, really? Then what were you doing by the coffee cart earlier?

Sarah: I was using the wooden stirrers to push back my cuticles, everyone knows that, Jack!

Crutchie: Okay, okay, let’s not fight, I broke it, let me pay for it, Spot.

Spot: No! Who broke it?!

*Silence*

Davey: …Spot, Katherine’s been awfully quiet-

Katherine: REALLY?!

*Fighting*

Spot: I broke it. It burned my hand, so I punched it. I suspect in about ten minutes they’ll be at each other’s throats with war paint and a pig’s head on a stick.

Spot:

Spot: Good. It was getting a little chummy in here.

[jltg-incorrect-quotes]

Sam: Never half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing.

[percabethconvos]

Chiron, walking up to the Poseidon table: Annabeth my dear, you can't sit here

Annabeth, handing him a slip of paper: Oh don't worry I have a permit

Chiron:

Chiron: This just says 'I can do what I want'

[daddiesdrarryy]

Draco: As your Healer, I’ll be asking a few routine questions, Auror Potter. Please answer them truthfully. How many drinks of alcohol do you consume a week?

Harry: One

Draco: That’s it? One drink?

Harry: One shelf

Draco: Do you exercise?

Harry: Yes. Lovemaking and woodworking

Draco: Do you have any history of mental illness in your family?

Harry: I have a godfather who does yoga

Draco: Allergies?

Harry: Bald, noseless men…and hazelnuts

Draco: Sexual history?

Harry: Hot and private, and hopefully with you

Draco: …okay

[aprill-99]

*After the Gauntlet.*

Amber: “You can’t do that!”

Violet: “Not to worry, I have a permit.”

Dain: “This just says ‘I can do what I want-’”

Xaden: “-And she can. 10/10. 5 Stars.”

[sarcasm-and-stiles]

Derek: Those pants look great Y/N

Y/N: Thanks!

Derek: I bet they would look even better on Spencer’s floor

Spencer: Are you hitting on Y/N…for me?

[incorrectstarwarsquotess]

Ahsoka, to Anakin: You know, Master, when I first met you, I thought, "There is someone who loves his job."

Ahsoka: And then I thought, "Oh, wow. He’s intense."

Ahsoka: And then I thought, "Oh, no. He’s insane. My Master is psychotic, and I need to call Master Obi-Wan."

[shyjusticewarrior]

Tim: Is there- and I'm just guessing here- some kind of medication that you need a lot of and have taken none of, or maybe too much of today?

Jason: Oh I have a medical condition alright, it's called caring too much! And it's incurable!

[incorrectquotesmcu]

Bucky: Is anyone going to tell me what’s going on in here?!

Ava: It’s kind of complicated, but John—

Bucky: Got it. Forget I asked.

[incorrectquotesfromthelighthouse]

Viago: How long have you been sleeping with Lucanis?

Crow!Rook: What?

Crow!Rook: I don’t even get-

Crow!Rook: I’ve never had sex with anyone. Ever.

Crow!Rook: It’s none of your-

Crow!Rook: You have the nerve, the AUDACITY-

Crow!Rook: And how do I know you aren’t sleeping with him?

Crow!Rook: Maybe you are! Maybe you’re trying to throw me off!

Viago:

Crow!Rook: Check and mate.

[incorrect-thunderbolts]

Walker: Let me explain something to you, Buck. When you're in a situation, you don't have time to think. So I thought to myself, "Don't think, John. Act."

Bucky: So you weren't thinking.

Walker: Not at all. I cannot emphasize enough how little I was thinking.

[dontremembermejust]

Agatha: Aw, you have a crush on me!

Rio: We’re married.

Agatha: Still…

[ladyredsclassroom]

Luna: I made a marshmallow Professor Snape. See? His arms are crossed because he’s mad at all the marshmallow students for annoying him. You like it?

Professor Snape (choking up): It's fine.

[fandomnerd9602]

Natasha: I couldn’t believe the crush Wanda had on Y/N…

Y/N: (laughs) oh baby you had a crush on me? How embarrassing!

Wanda: we’re married

Y/N: (laughs) still

Natasha: of course that was nothing compared to the crush Y/N had on Wanda.

Y/N:

Wanda: (laughs) how embarrassing!

For @lifespectator