#Shawn Mendes fanfictions

[livingforshawnscurls]

I'm So Sorry (We're Still Stuck in the Middle) | Shawn Mendes | 4

Series Masterlist Masterlist

4.

Four Years Ago Toronto, Canada

Shawn groaned aloud as Brian yelled along to the In My Blood lyrics blasting through the car's speakers. “Dude, can you not?”

“It’s the Grammys, Shawnie. Let him celebrate,” Geoff mumbled, half asleep, from his seat next to Shawn.

“Hey, hey, stop the car!” Shawn yelled from the backseat. “Pull up to the side!”

Ian gave him an irritated look over his shoulder even as he pulled up to a side. “What the hell? What do you—Shawn!”

But Shawn was already out of the SUV and crossing the sidewalk, on his way to the guitar shop he'd spotted through the windshield. It was extremely rare for a shop as this one to be open past midnight, and something in him—probably all the Cosmos he'd inhaled with Brian, back at his place—pushed him to walk into it and look around.

Inhaling deeply, he pushed the glass door open. A girl was seated behind the cash counter, earphones tucked in with her phone in hands. Her head shot up as Shawn walked in, and he had to take a moment to admire her.

She looked beyond adorable with her eyes wide, cheeks flushed and hair pulled up with tiny flyaways framing her face. Her lips dropped open in a silent gasp. Shawn blinked, a corner of his lips tugging up as he waved his fingers at her.

“Just wanna look around,” he told her, jerking a thumb in the direction of the range of all the beautiful electric guitars displayed on the wall opposite the cash counter.

She silently nodded, her wary eyes hovering over him for a few extended moments before dropping back to her phone.

Shawn walked up to the instruments he loved with all his heart, scanning the different pieces.

But found his attention drawn more to the girl.

Why didn't she react to his presence? Was it possible that someone in Toronto didn't know who he was? Or was it that she didn't care? That she didn't like his music?

His buzz was dying out fast with how quickly thoughts were spiralling in and out of his mind, and he had to finally give up trying to look at the guitars in favor of walking up to the girl.

And then he paused.

Since when did he get so obnoxious? Was it really that big of a blow to his ego that a girl didn't know him?

He pursed his lips, mad at himself for letting such a negative emotion drive him, however momentarily. He moved towards an instrument, reaching out with a hand to brush over the smooth surface.

But his brain prompted him to look over his shoulder, and—

He met her eyes. She looked away.

A smile crawled up Shawn's face.

She'd been looking at him.

He kept staring at her as he walked up to the counter. “Hey.”

She looked up, almost jumping at his sudden greeting, and Shawn flashed her a toothy grin. She tucked a flyaway hair behind her ear and visibly swallowed. “Hi?’

He pointed at the wall he'd just been perusing, and raised his eyebrows.

She frowned, looking a bit lost and all the more adorable. "Um, the price? That's the Player range, it's—"

"Shawn, what the heck, man!" Ian suddenly barged into the shop. "Come back!"

Shawn's eyes turned to saucers. He turned to look at the girl, who was frozen in place. He cleared his throat. "Um."

The girl turned her doe like eyes to him. "Uh?"

"Do—do you have a card?" he asked her, panicked and confused.

"Huh?" She was almost scowling now.

"Card—uh, visiting card? With your num—uh, theshop's number on it?" he hurriedly said, speaking over Ian's mumbled curses.

"Brian might decide to drive, Shawn. It'd get ugly."

Shawn held the counter with both his hands. "Well?!"

The girl blinked, and then dove into a flurry of moves, rushing around the space to finally present him with a hurriedly scratched name and number on a piece of—was that gift wrapping paper?

"We're open from seven to nine on weekdays, and ten on weekends," she almost robotically informed him. "And twenty-four hours on special days."

He furrowed his eyebrows. “Today's a special day?"

"It's fucking Christmas, Shawn!" Ian yelled.

The girl waved the piece of paper before him, and he hurriedly snatched it from her, stuffing it into his trousers. "Um…well—uh, at—at the risk of sounding like a cocky asshole, you do know who I am, right?”

The girl pursed her lips into a smile, and turned her phone's screen towards him. A smile slipped up on his face when he saw the cover of his second album displayed on the screen.

“Illuminate,” he read aloud, chuckling when she nodded with a blush. “What’s your favourite?”

The girl pursed her adorable, little lips. “Ruin, I believe."

He breathed out. People didn't usually go for that one.

"Shawn, I swear to God—"

"Oh for fuck's sake, let's go."

Shawn's eyes didn't quite wish to leave this beautiful face. But Ian, the asshole was dragging him back into the sordid can with his stinky, drunkard friends.

Crashing into his seat, Shawn dragged out the piece of paper as Ian started the car again.

Her name was beautiful.

With sparkles in his eyes, he pulled his phone out.

You hadn't moved from your position, at all.

As he was leaving, Shawn had brushed his hand against yours in farewell. You were still staring at said hand, trying to gauge how creepy of you it would be to smell it.

"Oh, fuck," you breathed out, shutting your eyes.

Did this even happen, or had your sleep deprived brain just conjured this up because you'd been listening to Ruin on repeat?

On cue, you hit pause on the song that was still playing. You unplugged your earphones from the phone, and were about to put the device to charge, planning to go out to smoke a cigarette, when it pinged with a message.

Before you could so much as unlock the phone, it pinged twice in succession.

Three texts from an unknown number. Your heart started to race.

will u go on a date with me? hehe im super bad at this its shawn btw

Oh my fucking God…

lmao, i returned from the dead, and randomly decided to continue this. stay with me, y'all!

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[softboywriting]

Finding Home | Shawn Mendes

Summary: You and Shawn have a long history as friends and as lovers from before he got famous to after. When he decides to take a hiatus from his hectic life and spend some time with the one person he’s loved since he was a teenager, he’s going to find out a secret you’ve been keeping from him for years. A secret that will bring you together closer than ever. [dad shawn] [non au setting] [long fic]

Word Count: 7.8k

|Masterlist In Bio|

Two in the morning and you wake up to your phone buzzing loudly against the bedside table. For a moment you think it's one of your daughter, Lily's, toys. She was always leaving them in your bedroom. The light of the screen is what gives it away as your phone and you reach over, wondering if it was your parents calling from their vacation in Japan. They had retired two years ago and left you the house so they could travel.

“Hello?” You answer groggily.

“Hey, it's Shawn.”

You roll over on to your back and hold the phone against your ear. Your stomach churns. Had he found out about Lily? “H-hey. Why are you calling me at two in the morning?”

“Oh. Fuck. I didn't realize it was that early for you. I'm sorry, I'm in Australia right now and it's like five. You can go back to sleep, I'm sorry.”

“No, Shawn, what's wrong?”

He sighs heavily. “I'm just tired. I'm at my limits. I need a break, I need a long break.” He always called like this when he needed to remember where he came from, where his heart was waiting for him.

“You work too hard, of course you're tired. I told you that you push yourself to much.”

“I know. I'm stupid and I'm exhausted and I want to come back home. I want to come see you and remember what it feels like to be normal again.”

You're silent. You and Shawn have a long history, friends since high school, hooking up occasionally, both clearly in denial of what could be. The last time he wanted to see you was about a year ago and you had to fake sick and cut things short because Lily got sick. He had no idea about the little girl sleeping in the room next to yours. You wanted to keep it that way.

“Hello?”

“Sorry. Um, yeah, we can meet up if you want. I miss hanging out with you. When will you be home?”

“A few days.”

“Just let me know when so I can make arrangements.”

“I can't wait to see you.”

“Me neither.”

___________________________

It's Saturday, four days after Shawn called and there's a massive storm raging outside. You worry about the playset in the backyard because last time it blew over and you had to get your neighbor to help you get up up right. Poor Lily couldn't use it for a week and she absolutely loves to swing.

Thunder crashes and you watch as Lily runs from her play tent to the kitchen yelling. She's a funny one. Four years old already and you can't believe it. Four years passed in the blink of an eye.

Knocking at the front door makes you jump, eyes going to it and as you half expect it to fly open or something. You really don't think FedEx or the mail carrier l is delivering in a storm but you go to check it out. Behind you Lily runs up the stairs to her bedroom, something she always did when you had guests or she heard someone at the door.

“Hello?” You ask, opening the door to reveal someone standing there with their back to you. They turn around and your stomach lurches. It's Shawn.  

“Hey, surprise,” he grins, opening the screen door. He's soaked to the bone and you don't know what to do. Let him in? Send him away? He wasn't supposed to just show up. You still had to arrange for Lily to stay with your best friend Olivia. “Can I come in?”

“No. Fuck. You were supposed to call me.”

“Oh. Is something wrong? I thought you'd be surprised to see me.”

“I am plenty surprised. I just...fuck it. Come in.” You hold the door open and he steps inside. This was going to be a shit show.

Shawn looks around and you can see his eyes go to the play tent in the living room, the Moana cup on the table, the litter of dolls and stuffed animals set up around the coffee table as a tea party. “Are you babysitting?” He asks slowly, turning to look at you as you close the door.

“No.” You sigh softly. This was going to happen sometime. Shawn would find out about Lily one way or another. “They're my daughter's toys.”

“What? What daughter? Are you messing with me?”

“Shawn, I...I had a kid.” You look to the stairs and his eyes follow yours. Sitting there staring through the rungs is Lily. “Her name is Lily. She's four.”

“Four...why did you hide this from me? You're one of my best friends...I don't understand. Why?” He asks as Lily walks down and stands at the bottom step clinging to the bannister.

“I-I didn't want to. I mean I had-”

Shawn steps forward and stares at the small girl and you know he can see it. She looks like him. Same eyes, same dark hair, same nose. Lily is unmistakably his child. “She's mine isn't she?”

“No.” You grit your teeth. “No, she's not.” She is. You couldn't tell him. You couldn't have him put aside his entire career at twenty years old because you slept together while wasted and you hadn't taken your birth control for two weeks. You wouldn't make him stop living his dream even if it meant being a single mother. You loved Shawn and that was a sacrifice you were willing to make.

Shawn lays his hand on your shoulder. “Why does she look like me then?”

“I slept with some guy that looked like you after you left. I was lonely and drunk and I hooked up with someone.” It's believable enough. You did do that once. “I swear she isn't yours.”

“Momma,” Lily says softly as she walks over to you. “Why is he wet?”

“He was out in the rain baby.” You pick her up and she stares at Shawn. “This is Shawn, he's my friend.”

Shawn steps closer and holds his hand out to take Lily's tiny one. “Nice to meet you, what's your name again?”

“Lily.” She giggles and grabs his fingers. “You're really big.”

“I am.” He grins and you roll your eyes. That was one of your favorite qualities about him too and he knew it. “I bet I could lift you up to touch the ceiling.”

“Yeah! Yeah!” Lily reaches out for Shawn and he takes her in his arms.

You can see the moment he grabs her that he loves her just as much as he loves you. The way his eyes soften and he hauls her up on to his shoulders with ease is unmistakable. It's all over. There was no way you were going to separate these two.

“Higher! I can almost get it!”

Shawn stands up straight and Lily's fingers brush the ceiling. “Are you doing it?” He laughs, inching up onto his tip toes.

Lily giggles and grabs his hair for support as he wobbles.

“Lily, don't pull his hair,” you warn and she stops reaching up with one arm.

“Sorry.” Lily says as he runs her hand over Shawn's mop of damp curls. “It's just like my hair Momma! Look!”

Shawn raises his eyebrows and you give him a look. You take Lily off of his shoulders and have her go play while you talk to Shawn. There was a lot to catch up on from the last four years.

________________

“So, no boyfriend yet?” Shawn asks as he flops back on your bed.

You turn to look at him as you undress for bed. He tilts his head back and grins at you in your underwear. “Obviously not.”

“Why? Is it Lily?”

You cross the room and stand over him as he stares at you upside down. “Yeah...it's because of Lily.”

“Why? Plenty of guys love kids. You're still an amazing person. Have you tried?”

You shake your head and turn to grab your night shirt, pulling your bra off and tossing it aside. Behind you the bed shifts and before you can get your shirt on, two hands are on your bare waist. “Shawn, I'm not in the mood.”

“That's okay, I just want to feel something real.” He presses his nose into your hair and you press back against his chest. “You changed shampoo didn't you?”

“Uh, I guess? It's rose water scented.”

He hums. “Used to be apple.” His arms envelop your waist and he holds you against him. “I've missed you.”

You close your eyes and lean your head back against his collarbones. “I've missed you too.”

_____________________

Wednesday. You wake up late, your phone going off quietly under the pillow. Shawn isn't in the bed, he had stayed since Saturday and every day you woke up next to him. For a moment you panic, thinking he's finally left. The two of you hadn't discussed his visit, or how long he would stay. You jump up, grab some clothes from the closet and toss them on the bed. You go to Lily's bedroom and find it's empty.

“Lily!” You yell as you walk down the hall to the staircase. “Lily!”

“Kitchen momma!”

You run down the steps and into the kitchen expecting to find a mess of some sort. “I'm so sorry baby, I must have overslept. I can make you-” As you round the corner you see Lily sitting at the table eating scrambled eggs and toast. “...breakfast.”

Shawn stands up from where he was squatted down behind the island counter loading the dishwasher. “Morning.”

“You made her breakfast?”

“Yes. I figured I'd let you sleep a little longer.” He walks around and runs his hand over your sleep mussed hair. “I can take her to school too.”

“You don't need to do that. I can take her.”

Shawn grabs your hands and brings them up to kiss your knuckles. “Please? Let me do this for you. You've been caring for her alone for four years. I think you deserve one day to have a little extra time to yourself.”

You look down and sigh. He's right. You haven't had time away from Lily or even just a whole day to yourself in ages. The last time Shawn was in town was probably the last time you did anything without her, and even then, you felt guilty the whole time. “I have an extra car seat in the garage. Do you know how to install it?”

“I can sort it out. Go shower.”

“No I'll help you get-”

Shawn holds your face and kisses your nose. “Go shower. I promise if I need help I'll come and get you.”

“Just...don't forget her lunch okay?”

“He got it.” Lily says walking past with her unicorn lunchbox. “He even made my sandwich with extra jelly like I asked.”

“Wow.” You smile as Lily goes to get her backpack off the couch. “I guess you got it then.”

Shawn grins and you shove his shoulder. “What? The kid has grown on me the last few days. She reminds me of you.”

“I sure hope so, she's my daughter after all.”

“Of course.” Shawn pulls his keys from his pocket and goes to the door with Lily. “I'll be back shortly.”

_____________________

Once you're in the shower you feel yourself relaxing. It's nice, not having to worry about Lily getting into something or wonder if you're taking too long. But as you think about the day ahead you can't help but let your mind wander. The most pressing question is Shawn. How long was he going to stay? It had been days now and he said nothing about leaving. In fact the two of you didn't even discuss him staying. He just sort of fell into your life like he'd always been there, like he always did, and you just let him. It's a slippery slope. What happens when he needs to leave? When he wants to leave? How does that go over with Lily?

“Can I join you?”

You tear your eyes away from the dark tile and slide the curtain back to see Shawn standing by the sink in just his boxers. “That was quick?”

“Yes? Should I have taken longer?”

“Well, no. I figured you would have a hard time with that car seat though.”

Shawn chuckles and shucks his boxers. “Oh it was pretty easy. I got it snapped in like the directions on the side said and got her to school. She was real excited to go.”

“Yeah?” You ask, stepping aside for him to get in behind you. “How come?”

“It's music day she said.”

“Oh, yeah she loves music day.”

“Mmhmm.” Shawn groans as he leans back into the hot water to wet his hair. He brings his hands up and runs one over your soaked hair. “Can I?”

“Be my guest.”

Shawn grabs the shampoo and lathers up your hair, fingers working diligently over your scalp. “Lily says she wants to play piano but they don't have one at the preschool.”

“Oh yeah? I dunno if I can afford that right now.”

“Don't worry about it. I have an old keyboard at the apartment I'll bring over. I'll swing by my place after recording today.”

You turn and he stares down at you, hands going to your hips. “You don't have to do that.”

“I want to. I can teach her.”

“Shawn... I don't know.”

“Please? I know she's young but she really seemed like she wanted to. She'll be so happy.”

You sigh and lean your head in his chest. “Fine, alright. But she might break it or spill juice all over it.”

Shawn chuckles. “Oh no, what ever would I do?”

“Hey! Not all of us are multi millionaire rockstars that can just buy whatever whenever.”

“I know, I know. If it breaks she'll learn a lesson and maybe get a new one a while later.”

“Alright, okay fine. This one gift, this is it. No more. I don't want to give her the wrong idea about you.”

“Like what?”

“You know what.” You push him back and rinse your hair.

_____________________

Lily is a ball of excitement when she gets to the car at pick up time. You lift her up into your car and get her all strapped in and ready to go. “Was it a good day bud?”

“Yeah! I got to play piano! Mrs. W brought one from home just for me and I got to play it!”

“Oh? That's very nice of her. What did you play?”

“A song I made up.” Lily puts her hands out like she's playing piano and makes little Doo Doo Doo noises as if hitting keys. “It's a working protest.”

“A work in progress?”

“Yeah that's what I said.”

You chuckle and give her a thumbs up as you close the door and walk around to the drivers side. Daughter like father you suppose. When Shawn brings home that keyboard she is going to lose her little mind.

Watching Shawn teach Lily for the first time that night makes your heart ache. He's so patient with her, deliberately showing her each key and how to hold her little hands. She can't quite hit the keys as fast as him because her hands obviously aren't that large. But she tries. And when Shawn finishes, she shows him her own songs. They're always a little out of tune and just a few keys being played over and over, but he claps every single time.

For three days the two sit down after dinner, after homework, and play the piano in the living room. Lily never gets tired of it. You need to talk to Shawn, to find out where this is going. He can't keep staying over. You can tell Lily is getting attached and it may already be too late. _____________________

“When is Lily's birthday?” Shawn asks from his side of the bed on Thursday night.

“May twenty fifth. Why?”

“Just wanted to know.”

“Are you planning something?”

“No?”

You roll over and stare at his profile as he flips through his phone. “I know you. Why are you asking about her birthday?”

“I just wanted to know is all.” He looks over and sets his phone down. “Can I ask another question about her?”

“I suppose I can't stop you.”

“If she isn't mine, why did you hide her from me? Plenty of my friends have kids now. Did you think I wouldn't want to see you anymore?”

Honestly you hadn't planned for this question yet. “I guess I thought it'd change things between us.” Not a lie technically. “I just didn't want to ruin what we had.”

Shawn reaches across the gap between you and tucks your hair back. The way he looks at you makes your heart melt. He has the softest eyes you've ever seen, it's hard to keep lying to him. It felt wrong. “I promise I wouldn't have judged you, and having Lily in the picture doesn't change how I feel about you one bit.”

“I'm sorry I didn't tell you.”

“Can I ask you something else?”

“Yeah?”

“How did you keep Lily from our mutual friends? Matt and Brian? How?”

You smile sadly. “I stopped talking to them, not that we were ever that close. I just...kind of cut myself off from everything that had to do with you because I didn't want to lose you because I had Lily. I realize now that I was pretty stupid.”

“I'm sorry I made you feel like you couldn't tell me.”

“No, you didn't do anything. It was just me. I promise you didn't make it seem like you wouldn't like me if I had a kid. I just convinced myself that things would change. Please don't blame yourself.”

“Okay, okay. What matters is I know now. I'm here now.”

You sigh softly and look down at the bedspread. He's here now. But what was he doing here? What was going to come of all this? How long was he going to stay? Why was he staying?

“What are we doing Shawn?”

“Talking?”

“No. I mean here, us. We can't keep playing house. Lily is already getting attached to you. I'm getting attached too. You say you’re here but for how long?”

Shawn shifts and lays with his head propped up on his hand. “What's wrong with getting attached? I'm not allowed to care for you and her and stay with you? You haven't seemed like you wanted me to leave.”

“And that's my mistake. It's not that you aren't allowed to care. It's the fact that you're going to leave. I don't know when, but you're going to. You always do, you have to.”

“No...no I'm not leaving.” He reaches over and lays his hand on your stomach as you roll on to your back. “I've been making arrangements with Andrew and I want to stay in Toronto.”

“That's not going to happen. Not forever.” You sigh heavily. “I think maybe if you didn't stay over it would help. I know we haven't talked about it yet, and we've just been doing what we want but I think you should go home.”

“You don't like sleeping with me?”

“It’s not that. I want you to seem less permanent to Lily. She's only four, she is very smart, but she's also very impressionable. If you keep hanging around she's going to think you're...” You can't say it, you can't say ‘her dad’. You can't keep denying it, you can't breath those words and choke them with lies anymore. “She's going to think you're staying forever.”

Shawn is quiet for a moment. The room is tense. This discussion was unavoidable. A week had passed and that was already too long. Perhaps too late. “Can I stay a few times a week?”

“Tuesday and Friday.”

“The weekends? Please?”

“Shawn.”

“Please?”

You sigh. “Alright, only if you don't come over on the other days of the week. Not even a peep outside of Tuesday, Friday and the weekends. I'm serious. I can't have Lily getting the wrong idea.”

“Yeah...I understand.”

“Good. It's settled then.”

_____________________

“So you think she's your daughter?” Andrew asks from his spot across the room. Shawn has been recording all day and he's taking a break while waiting for lunch to arrive.

“I'm so sure. I just can't figure out why she's lying to me. I've made it clear I want to stay in the picture even if Lily isn't mine.”

“Maybe she's afraid you'll ditch. Maybe she thinks you are only sticking around because she isn't yours.”

Shawn sighs softly. “Lily's birthday is roughly nine months after mine and that would line up with when we slept together. She said she slept with someone after I left but I don't know. I just, I'm pissed y'know?”

Andrew nods. “I get it. You should be, a kid is a big deal.”

“It's just...fuck. She is my best friend, I love her. She knows that. I just don't get why she lied. I mean she said it's because she was afraid things would change but I'm just not buying it.” He sighs heavily and leans back against the cushioned chair. “I know that Lily is my kid. I can feel it.”

“Then why don't you lay it all out for her? Just present your evidence and find out why she is really lying.”

“I don't want to push her away. I'm afraid if I do she'll cut me out completely and I'll never see her or Lily again.”

“It's a tough decision Shawn. Can you live with her lying, or just accept Lily isn't yours?”

“She is! Andrew, you saw the pictures. She's mine.”

Andrew shakes his head. “I don't know. You have to talk to her. You have to.”

“Fuck...I'll just give it a little more time. I'll see how things play out.”

“Your call dude.”

“Yeah.”

_____________________

“Where's Shawn?” Lily asks a week into your agreement with Shawn. You hoped this wouldn't happen. You really dreaded this moment.

“He's at home bud.” You turn and dump macaroni back into the pot you boiled it in.

“Oh. Can he come over?”

“No. It's not Tuesday yet.”

Lily sighs heavily, laying her arm across the kitchen table. “This is lame.”

You mix up the cheese sauce with the Mac and walk over to the table to dish some out into Lily's spiderman plate. “What's lame?”

“Shawn.”

“Shawn's lame?”

“Momma!”

You laugh and take your seat across from her. “You will just have to wait until he comes over tomorrow. Why did you want him to come over?”

Lily pushes her mac around with her fork. “I miss him.”

“But you saw him Sunday.”

“Yeah but then Monday was like one hundred hours long!” She huffs and takes a bite of food. “I wanna play piano and show him my dress I picked out for the spring concert.”

You sigh softly. There is no convincing her to drop the subject. She is dead set on missing him. The damage has been done. “Tomorrow bud. Eat your dinner and we can watch a movie after.”

“With Shawn?” She asks hopefully.

“No. Just me and you.”

“Booooo.”

_____________________

Bracelets

Tuesday. You pick up Lily from preschool and Shawn is already at the house when you get there. He's outside of his Jeep leaning against the door. The moment Lily sees him she starts shrieking.

You no sooner get her unbuckled from the car seat and she's bolting up the driveway to Shawn's open arms. Maybe this had gone on long enough. Maybe you should just come clean with Shawn and tell him Lily is his. The two were inseparable and despite the distance you put between your life and his the last week, it doesn't seem to have changed a thing.

“Easy now,” you say as you approach the two of them. Shawn has her held high in his big hands. “She had lunch around one today so she might be full still.”

“Momma! I'm a bird!”

“Yes sweetheart.” You chuckle and Shawn swoops her down to the ground.

“How was school?” he asks as the three of you head into the house.

“Awesome! We made bracelets today and I made one for me,” she holds out her wrist to reveal a little pony bead bracelet in green and white. “And I made one for you and momma!”

“Did you now?” You unlock the front door and head in. Lily dumps her whole backpack out on the sofa and brings over two bracelets. They match and are pink and blue. “They're very cute.”

“They match because my friend Andie said that her mom and dad have matching rings because they are in love and married. So I made yours match because you guys don't have those rings but you are in love too.”

Shawn smirks. He's so damn smug as he grabs the bracelet offered to him. “Your momma and I could have matching rings.”

“Shawn.”

“But she hasn't picked one out yet.”

Lily's eyes widen and she huffs at you. “Pick one out momma! Jeez!”

“Maybe someday bud.” You grab the remote off the back of the sofa and turn on Shimmer and Shine. “Look your show is on Lily.”

She turns and goes to get her little inflatable chair and parks herself in front of the TV to watch the two cartoon girls get up to their latest antics.

“And you come with me.” You point at Shawn and motion toward the kitchen.

The second you're in the kitchen Shawn opens his mouth. “I did propose to you once.”

“Yeah when we were twenty and you were smashed on your birthday. Thankfully I was sober enough to say no but she doesn't need to know that.”

“Yeah you were sober enough to say no to that but you were drunk enough to have sex with me that night.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “I don't have to be drunk to want to have sex with you and you know that. So what is that supposed to mean?”

“Nothing. Just seems like the last time we slept together was that night and we were drunk. Also it was four years ago, and we haven't been intimate since.”

“What are you getting at?”

He crosses his arms and leans against the island counter. “It seems like ever since then things changed between us and I don't know if it's because of the proposal or if it's just because of Lily.”

“I was trying to keep Lily from you, so yeah, I didn't want to be intimate.”

“Because you felt guilty?”

“Shawn...we went over this. I didn't want to get too close because I thought if you found out about Lily it would change everything.”

“So what's the excuse now? Why are you trying to push me away now?”

“I'm not pushing you away.”

“Yes you are.”

“Shawn I told you, I want the distance because I don't want Lily getting the wrong idea about you.”

“What's the wrong idea? That I'm your friend? Because if it wasn't me, if I was some guy you were dating, would you want him to stay away too? Or is it different because there's something more to the situation?”

You swallow thickly and clench your jaw. He's right. You fucked up in your lie and he knows. Why is he different than any other guy you might bring into your life? Why were you still acting like you wanted to hide Lily from him? You should want a guy you're interested in to get close to Lily, for her to like him. Why was Shawn different? Because he was her dad? Because you are afraid of him leaving? Because you can't bring yourself to tell him the truth? You keep convincing yourself of these phantom what if’s and they're ruining what could be the best thing to ever happen to you.

“I just...”

“Am I Lily's dad?”

“Shawn.”

“Tell me. Stop lying to me. There is no point anymore. I'm here if she is and I'm here if she isn't. I just want to know if she is mine. It doesn't change anything.”

You cross your arms and take a shaky breath. He's right, again. There was no point in lying about it now. It wasn't as if he was just going to forget about Lily and go on with his life as a rockstar. “Yes. She's yours.”

Shawn step forward and cups your face in his big hands. “Thank you.”

“I'm sorry.” Your eyes start to burn and your tears run down your cheeks. “I'm so stupid. I shouldn't have lied, I should have told you. I just didn't want you to stop your whole life for me. You got everything you ever wanted and I couldn't take that away from you.”

“You did what you thought was right.” He wipes your cheeks with his thumbs. “You just wanted to protect me, I get it. I'm not angry at you. I promise I'm not.”

“You should hate me. I kept your child from you and look how much she loves you. Look how happy you are. I was selfish.”

Shawn tilts your head up for you to look at him. “I don't hate you, I could never do that. What's done is done. I'm here now. I know now.”

“You're really not angry at me?”

“No. I mean, I was pissed at first because I knew you were lying. I couldn't figure out why but I understand now. Being angry or upset because of it wouldn't make a difference now. I'm here, I want to be a part of your life, a part of hers.”

“But...your dream.”

“I've already made it. I'm ready to slow down and be with you. I've been working myself to the bone for too long, I became obsessed with music. It's time to step away, just for a little while.”

“I can't ask that of you.”

“You're not asking me to do it. I'm telling you that this is how it is. I want to be here, I want to be with you and Lily. It's time.”

“How do we tell Lily?”

“We can tell her on her birthday?”

“A dad for her birthday? She'd be thrilled.”

Shawn kisses your nose. “It's settled then.”

____________________

A little after midnight a few days later and you wake up and Shawn isn't in bed. You wait a minute to see if he comes back from the bathroom or getting a glass of water. He doesn't so you get up and head to the kitchen to see if you can find him. By the time you get to the bottom of the staircase you can hear him talking. You decide to stay on the stairs and wait, to see what's going on.

“I’m calm and happy. I haven't needed my medicine since I've been home with her. I'm done Andrew. I can't keep going, you told me I could stop when I needed to. I need to. This is it. I'm ready to just be a dad and not have the world up my ass for ten seconds.”

Andrew's voice echoes through the kitchen. Shawn must have it on speaker phone. “The new single drops at the end of May, what about promo? We've already announced it, scheduled interviews in London and Paris for it as well as set up interviews with your Armani contract.”

“Fine, but after that I'm done. I'm serious. I want to relax for a while and take things at a much slower pace. I want to be here.”

“You love her don't you?”

“I've always loved her Andrew. You know that, everyone does.”

“I get it. You deserve it, you've put off your love life for years now. Are we still recording or do you want to do a complete hiatus?”

“I'm still recording and writing. Teddy said she'll be out here in a few weeks if I need her.”

“You gonna go public with your relationship?”

“I'm leaving that up to her. I don't want to bring too much attention to Lily if she's isn't comfortable.”

“Keep me updated. I'll make arrangements for security if need be, oh, and Shawn?”

“Yeah?”

“Don't worry about anything. It's okay to want to slow down and start a family. Just don't get in your head about letting anyone down. You gotta do what you gotta do.”

“Thanks.”

“See you soon.”

“Bye.”

You hadn't realized how bad he was when he called you that night from Australia. You had no idea he was back on medication for his anxiety. It had been years since you last knew he was taking anything for that.

“Hey, what're you doing out of bed?” Shawn asks as he rounds the corner and finds you on the stairs. “Did I wake you up? I just had to talk to Andrew about some stuff. I'm sorry.”

“No, it's okay, I was just looking for you.”

Shawn wraps his arms around your middle and lifts you up off the last stair. You wrap your legs around his middle and he holds you against him, staring up at you with this soft brown eyes. “I'm right here.”

“Yeah, I see that.” You smile and run your hands through his hair.

“And I'm not going anywhere.”

“What about the promo?”

“You were eavesdropping?”

You look guilty and he starts up the stairs. “I was curious.”

“It's okay, I don't have anything to hide. Yes, I have to go to Europe for a few days at the end of May. My single is coming out that's going to kick off the album I've been working on. But I swear to you I am not doing a tour or anything. It'll be a soft release.”

“What days in May?”

“I think it's May19th through May 25th.”

“You'll miss Lily's birthday.”

Shawn lays you on the bed and crawls over you. “I’ll be home that morning. I promise.”

You cup his cheek and he leans into the touch, eyes closed. “You swear you'll be back?”

“I will swim across the ocean if I have to. I'll be here. I swear I'll be here. I've missed enough birthdays.”

You pull Shawn down against you and he falls to the side a bit to hold you against his chest.

“I promise you I'll come back. I don't want to be anywhere else.” He noses against your neck. “I want to be home.”

___________________

One month later

“Momma?” Lily's tiny voice calls through the half open door and you lift your head from your pillow. The room is dark and you have to squint to see her tiny figure in the doorway. You assume she's had another bad dream. She's been having them since Shawn left for London at the beginning of the week.

“Yes baby?”

“Can I sleep in here?”

“What's wrong with your bed?”

Lily is quiet.

“Lily?”

“I had a bad dream.”

“Again?” You sit up and turn on the bedside lamp, flooding the room with a soft yellow glow. Lily walks in and crawls up onto your bed with much effort. Her little hands slipping in the comforter. She manages and gets up onto your lap. “Tell me about it.”

She sniffs. “There was a dinosaur and it ate Shawn.”

“Why did it do that?”

“I don't know. But I was all alone and I was very scared. I wanted to make that dinosaur puke him out.” Lily makes a blech noise. “But he ran away and Shawn was gone forever!”

“Oh baby. It's okay, Shawn is okay, he's in London, remember?”

Lily leans her head into your chest and you run your hand over her hair. It's so wavy and unruly just like Shawn's. “Can we call and make sure?”

“Call Shawn?”

“Yeah.”

You reach over and grab your phone off the nightstand. It's almost one in the morning. You're not sure what time it is in London. “It's pretty late. I think Shawn's in bed still maybe.”

“But...what if the dinosaur got him?”

“I promise dinosaurs are all gone bud.”

“Even in London? What if it was an alley gator. They look like dinosaurs. There could be alley gators in London!”

You sigh and give in. As soon as you hit dial you press the video call button and give the phone to Lily. A few rings later and Shawn's face appears on screen lit by what looks to be early morning sun.

“Hello? Lily?”

“You're alive!”

“Yeah?” He chuckles and smiles sleepily. “What's up pumpkin?”

Lily tells him her dream, this time in much more detail as Shawn listens with his eyes closed. He hums now and again and lets out breathy little laughs. “...so I had to call you and make sure you didn't get eaten.”

“Nope. I'm all good. I think you can go back to bed now. You wouldn't want to be tired for school tomorrow and sleep through music day would you?”

“No!” Lily looks panicked. “I'll go to sleep! Good night Shawn!” She kisses the phone screen and gives it to you before hurrying off to her bedroom.

“Did she call me or did you?”

You lay down and turn off the light, laying the phone upright against the pillow next to you. “I called. She had to make sure you were okay. I didn't know if you'd be awake because of the time difference.”

“Mmm. It's almost seven in the morning so no worries. Are you sure you didn't just wanna call and hear my sleepy voice?”

“Oh please.”

“I know how much you love it.” He purrs, voice low and sleep rough. You roll your eyes, he says your name and that gets your attention. Too much attention. “There it is.”

“There what is?”

“That look. The one you save just for me.” He grins and presses his cheek into his pillow. “I love it.”

“Yeah well...shut up.”

“I wish I could be in bed with you right now.”

“But you’re halfway across the world.”

“And I miss my girls.” He sighs sleepily. “I should probably get up soon, the sun is blinding me. Go back to sleep darling.”

“Don't you darling me, I hate that word.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I'm going to hang up.”

He pauses a moment before grinning. “Honey.”

“Shawn.”

“I love you.”

The phone screen goes dark and you just lay there. How dare he get the last word in. God he infuriated you in the best way and he knew that half way across the world, there was nothing you could do about it. You love him even if he was a little shit. ____________________

Friday, the twenty fifth, Lily's birthday and you get a call that she is sick at school. There is no way you can leave work without your boss flipping out. You feel sick. Lily needs you and you have to risk your job to get her. You fucking hate this place.

Initially you want to call Olivia and see if she can pick her up, but she isn't in town this week. So you check your messages to see if Shawn has landed yet. Sure enough Shawn has just texted you a few minutes ago that he's landed and will be at the house when you get home with Lily.

You hit dial and put the phone up to your ear. “Shawn?”

“Yeah? What's up?”

“Are you still at the airport?”

“Just getting my bags now. What's wrong?”

“Can you pick up Lily? She's sick and if I leave right now I will lose my job.”

“Of course. I'll be there as soon as I can.”

Unexpectedly, your meeting ends shortly after you return from your phone call with Shawn. As soon as you are able to, you head out of work to hopefully meet him at the house. The second you get home you find Lily on the couch. She's covered with a blanket and watching TV with tired eyes, barely awake it seems. Shawn is nowhere in sight but you assume he's probably just in the bathroom.

“Hey baby,” you coo softly, petting her hair back off her sweaty forehead. “How's it going?”

“My tummy hurts and I'm tired.”

“Do you need some water?”

Lily shakes her head. “Shawn got it.”

“Oh.”

“I'm sleepy Momma.” She rubs her eyes and turns into the couch cushions. You rub her back and she falls asleep immediately.

You find Shawn in the kitchen, filling up a bottle of water. “Hey, thank you.”

Shawn turns and smiles softly. “Of course. I'm glad I was able to get her. How was work? I thought you couldn't leave?”

“The meeting ended quicker than I thought. Did you have any trouble picking her up? I texted the teacher that you were her dad and that you're allowed to take her home.”

“No problem at all.” He looks into the living room and shakes his head. “The poor kid. Sick on her birthday.”

“I know. She just needs to rest. How was Europe?”

“Same shit as always. I couldn't wait to get home. It's funny, I've never been so eager to just relax.” He chuckles and shakes his head. “The whole time I was thinking about what I wanted to do for Lily's birthday and here we are.” “There's still tomorrow.”

“You're right.”

“I'm going to get changed, do you mind watching her for a little bit longer? I know you must be exhausted.”

Shawn shakes his head. “No, go ahead. I'll sit with her until you're cleaned up.”

Half an hour later and you're showered, changed and ready to see how Lily is doing. The moment you walk into the living room your heart just melts. On the couch is Shawn, sprawled out with his feet hanging over the end and Lily curled up on his chest with her blanket on top of her. You decide to go to the kitchen to make Lily's birthday cake instead. The two of them could sleep a while.

That night you find yourself in the living room picking up a mess of toys, sippy cups and blankets strewn about from the week. Shawn had just woken up and carried Lily's still sleeping form to bed moments ago and you decided to clean up a bit, changing the tv to a music channel while you did so.

As you stuff Lily's dolls into her little toy box and set aside her blanket and a couch pillow to be washed, you hear something move behind you. It's Shawn. He's pushing the coffee table toward the wall under the TV. “What're you doing?” You ask and he holds his hand out for you.

“Dance with me?”

A slow song starts on the music channel, one of his from a few years ago and you just shake your head at him. “Really? To your own song?”

“Yeah. It's about you so I think it's a pretty good choice.”

“No...it is not.”

“Yes. I swear.” he chuckles and shakes his hand for you to take.

You grab his hand and he puts an arm around your waist and slow dances you side to side singing along to the song. “Be mine yeah, any time any time.”

“I love this one.” You lay your head against his chest and he keeps singing softly. The two of you sway together while he sings quietly through two more songs.

“Thank you.” he whispers lowly against your hair.

“For what?”

“For everything. If I hadn't come to see you when I did, I don't know where I'd be right now. I never would have met Lily or decided that I am officially ready to slow down. I wouldn't be dancing in your living room and feeling so in love my heart is about to burst.” He pulls back and looks down at you. “So thank you, for letting me in that night it was raining. You really saved me.”

“You saved yourself Shawn.”

“But you helped.” He kisses you softly. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

____________________

Lily wakes up bright and early the next morning. You can hear her little feet running down the hall before she bursts into your bedroom and flings herself up onto the bed between you and Shawn. You've been awake for a few minutes, just thinking about everything that's happened in the last month or so.

“Momma! Shawn! Wake up!”

You roll over and face the dark haired little girl beside you. Five years old now. Oh how time flies. “Yes bud?”

“My birthday is over! I didn't get any presents!”

Shawn rolls over and loops his arm around Lily. “Who says your birthday is over?”

“But...it was yesterday.”

“Yeah but it's not over until we celebrate. So it's still your birthday.”

You boop her nose and she giggles. “Let's have breakfast and then we can open presents.”

“Okay!”

Lily practically inhales her breakfast so she can open presents faster. You worry about her stomach being sensitive but she seems to be alright. Shawn brings in a stack of boxes from the laundry room where you had hidden them and the three of you sit down in the middle of the living room.

“What's the green box?” You ask Shawn as Lily tears into a gift wrapped in pink and blue paper.

“A surprise.”

“A surprise huh?”

Shawn grins and you eye him suspiciously.

Lily opens everything, squealing and thanking the two of you until she gets to the last box, Shawn's. It's a small green box, no bigger than a deck of cards. “Momma, this is for you too.”

“For me? But it's your birthday bud.”

Lily hands you the box and sure enough on the top is your name and Lily’s. “What is it?” You ask Shawn and he just smiles innocently.

You lift the lid and inside is two matching rings with feathers that wrap around them lying side by side. Lily's eyes light up and she realizes what it is before you do.

“Matching rings! Momma! Is Shawn going to be my Dad?!”

Shawn raises his eyebrows as you pick up the smaller of the two rings. You slide it over your ring finger and look to Lily. “Yes he is baby. Yes he is.”

Lily shrieks and throws herself at Shawn, wrapping her little arms around him.

“I figured maybe we could get married before we go public with our relationship and Lily. It doesn't have to be anything extravagant, just friends and family.”

“That sounds perfect.” You take the other ring from the box and slide it over Shawn's finger. He rests his hand on Lily's back and she just snuggles against him, sighing softly as you lean against his shoulder.

“I love you Dad,” Lily says softly and you close your eyes.

“I love you too Lily. I love you too.”

The end.

[imhurtinginside]

Dark Moon - 2

His Eyes.

I hesitate if I should meet Edward, I mean he left me. And now he started over... he has a new girlfriend, a new life. He got over me quickly. Why am I always getting him all these passes? I am so in love with him still, that’s why. I think to myself as i drive back to forks high school. My parents won’t notice that I’m gone, because they’re both working night ships. It was just me at home, in the lonely dark house. Why not talk to Edward? He knows me the best. He knows everything about me, and I know everything about him.

I pull up to the school, it’s just me and Edwards car. And a couple of other cars, probably the teachers. I get out he runs to me “you came.” He says looking in to my eyes “yeah. You wanted to talk.” I say “I wasn’t sure if you’d come. I thought that you really hate me.” Edward says “no. I don’t. I want answers Edward.” I tell him he offers to go back to his house so we can talk, “is everyone at home?” I ask preferring to the Cullen’s “yes.” “Then I’m not going, we’re not back together. You want to talk, talk here.” I tell him off. “It’s a little bit weird talking here, in front of our high school,no?” Edward plays with me, I just turn around and open the car door Edward grabs my hand “fine. I know a good place we can talk.” He says to follow him, I do. We get out of our cars. “It’s a restaurant” I say in shock because last time we were in a restaurant, we were a couple “yes, I hope you’re hungry”. We go inside, We sit down, I ordered my food. “So? What did you want to talk about?” I ask “I’m sorry... I’m sorry about that I left. I’m sorry about everything. I was wrong” Edward tells me without breaking eye contact “you hurt me... you hurt me so much. You know how many times I went to sleep crying Over you, Edward” I say leaning back to my chair. “I know, because I did the same. I want to fix this. Fix us” Edward replied trying to hold my hand but I pull away. “You have a girlfriend and I believe her name is isabe - . Bella Swan” “I’m going to break up with her if that means being with you y/n”. Edward tells me seriously.

“What about the volturi?” I ask “they don’t know where we are, when we left Alice saw the future, she saw aro getting mad about losing our tracks” Edward says leaning into me “why didn’t you come back for me?” I say hurt “i wanted to... so badly. But I wanted you to be safe, if I were to be seen with you, they could have snapped your neck in one second infront of me. And I didn’t want that.” We continue to have a conversation about the volturi...

I finish eating, we had conversations about the old days, Everything was going fine. It’s like I’m getting him back. We get back to our cars we stop infront of mine, I look at him “Edward, what do you want from me?.” I say stopping him “y/n I still love you. I want to work on us.” Edward tells me “but you have a girlfriend now? Or unless she’s vampire…” -“no. She’s human. And I completely understand you, but I don’t know… she reminded me of you.” He says “does she know about me?” I ask “no.” Edward says quickly shaking his head. “Does the others know that I’m here?” I ask referring to the Cullen’s. “They don’t know that you’re here. But eventually they’re going to see you in school.” “Right.” I say back.

I say goodbye, keeping things short. I drive back home. I get out of my car I go straight to my room. I close my door I sit on my bed, and play back in my head what just happened. I go on my computer and look at old pictures of Edward and I. We were so happy together, I think to myself. I really miss him.

The next day at school… it’s lunch time. I haven’t seen Edward yet. I picked out my lunch for the day, I go sit down beside Angela. Jessica is talking about everything as usual. The boys are joking around. I get up to get myself a fork , because I forgot, I was thinking about Edward again. I get up and I bump into someone I look up it’s alice “y/n!” She says excited, and gives me a big hug. People are staring at us. “When did you get here?!” She asks “yesterday...” I reply “why don’t you come and sit with us?!” She offers taking my hand “no it’s okay. I don’t want to bother you guys. I’m fine Sitting with them” I say pointing at Jessica, Angela, Eric and mike. They all look confused on how I know the Cullen’s, since they’re the most popular kids in this school. “Don’t be silly !” She says grabbing my hands and pulling me to sit with them. Alice quickly pulls a chair from someone’s table to their table. I sit down “y/n!” Everyone says excitedly expect Edward because he was not expecting me to sit there. “Y/n this is Bella. Bella this is y/n” Alice introduced us to each other Bella puts out her hand to greet my. I accepted and we said hi to each other. “Edward don’t be so still. Do something” I think to Edward. Edward finally moves and actually looks like he’s alive. Kind of. “Jasper how are you?” I ask him we were the closest one in the group. “How are you coping with the blood, the heart beating, the veins.?” I think to him. He smirks “I’m fine. y/n.” he looks dead. Like not moving, it’s kind of funny to me. “So how do you guys know each other?” Bella’s aks “yeah Edward how exactly do we know each other?” I think to him. I’m kind of mad at him that he left, and he still didn’t break up with Bella. “Uhh, y/n is a close friend of ours. We know each other. Close family.” Edward keeps it short. “I should get going…” I say as I point at my new friends as I get up “no. You shouldn’t... I haven’t seen you in a long time” Alice says “do you really think that I’m going to sit here next to my ex boyfriend, with his new girlfriend by his side? And watch them? Not mentioning the fact that you ALL left me.” I think to Alice, jasper, Edward, emette and Rosalie. Leaving Bella out. There was a silence coming from them, knowing that I’m right. “we should meet up after school, and talk.” Alice replied. Getting a strange look from Bella.

As I leave I hear Edward think “I’m sorry.” I go back to mikes table and sit down “you know the Cullen’s? That’s so cool!” Jessica says “no. It’s sad” I say and leave. leaving them confused. School ends I go to my car, and see the Cullen’s standing by their cars probably waiting for emette and jasper. I walk up to them “hey. We can talk now” I say to Alice. “Yeah of cours” we walk away from the others I know that they all going to eavesdrop especially Edward.

“That was not cool Alice. How you made me sit there, pretending that Edward is not my ex boyfriend, not mentioning the fact that you all left me to be “safe” from the volturi. and now Edward has a girlfriend. Doesn’t she need to be safe?” I say to Alice “I know y/n and I am sorry about that. What Edward does is none of my business, because I can’t control him.” We go back and forth the only thing they can see is hand movements and, basically me just telling her off. “Fine.” I say leaving the conversation and fast running to my car and drive away fast. “What was that about?” Is I hear Bella ask. Alice invited me to their new house so we can ALL talk about everything that has happened. She said it would be “family therapy”

I arrive at the new house, it’s really nice and big. With the big windows and the green scenery is beautiful. I close the car door and I go up to the door to knock. But Edward opens the door. “Oh. Yeah vampires. I forgot.” I say and he lets me in. He leads me to the kitchen where they all are at cooking for me, “y/n!!” Carlisle and esme Greet me, they both give me big hugs. Emette gives me a big hug “I didn’t wanted to make a big scene at school,” he hugs me tightly “too tight” is all I can say “sorry” he says laughing. Rosalie,Alice,jasper gives me a hug. We talk about little things like when I came here and why, but we never talk about why they left. “I can show you my room, if you’d like?” Edward asks I just say yes he leads me into his Room. I hear Alice screech*eek* we walk into Edwards room “no bed?” I ask he laughs “no bed.” I look at his cd collections “so…neat. A to Z?” “Yeah. You’re the first person to notice that.” “Of course because I know you. Or used to.” I say like it’s nothing. Moving on from my comments. He knew how I was, and that’s why he didn’t take it literally. Edward puts on a slow song that we used to dance to “wanna dance?” He asks “Edward I haven’t danced for…about a year, I think I even forgot.” “Then let me refresh your memory” and with that he took my hand and we danced like we used to. We laugh he spins me around. He puts his hand around my waist we dance. We look into each other’s eyes and we feel the connection he leans down and kisses me, I don’t stop him because I want this, I want him. We pull away and look at each other and we kiss each other again but this time with more passion, we get more into it. “Edward! Bella is here!” Jasper yells. “What are we going to do now?” I whisper to Edward “tell jasper to tell her I went hunting” Edward whispers. “Jasper, tell her he went hunting” I think to him. He tells her “y/n When is he going to get back?” Jasper thinks “he’ll go over to her house when he gets back, you’ll tell him she stopped by” I think to jasper. He tells her she doesn’t sound convinced but she leaves. We go down stairs and they are all staring at us “what?” I ask “nothing” they all muttered but they all think “are you guys back together?”. “We should go to a more quiet place, where the vampires don’t eavesdrop” Edward says smirking.

We go outside Edward leads me to his car, he starts driving. The car ride is silent but comfortable silent. He pulls up to a beautiful home, we get out Edward fast runs to me “I bought this home for us, I wanted to go back and get you so bad, but I couldn’t. So I bought this and I always thought about you here, thinking that one day we will start a family here.” Edward says cupping my face “you bought this for us?” I ask. He says yes and he goes on about how many times he wanted to come back for me... how much he spends time in this house, thinking of us.… we look at each other for a little while, like we used to. I love Edwards I eyes, if i could I would stare at him forever.... everything about his eyes are just so mesmerizing, it’s magical. “Edward. I love you so much.” I confess to him “I love you. I love you so much that it’s hurts y/n” he says pulling me into a kiss...

Can you feel the angst, beetch 😂❤️

[gentlemanmendes]

If I posted my fics on here that weren’t shawn based would you guys read them or nah????? (Like Philophobia and Eastside)

[shawninlove]

Hi guys! So I’m new writer here and own a side by side Harry styles blog @kissme-hs so just wanted to know you that y’all are more than welcome to give me ideas about blurbs, imagines or Shawn talks :)))

[berrypinkjimin]

I'm taking picture requests 💫

• I have time to kill so • send me any theme/scenario and I'll post a picture au (on anon if you want) 😊 • must be about shawn 💞

[mendesalright]

Shawn Mendes Fanfiction | Lost part five

part one | part two | part three | part four | part six | part seven

Elena's POV

I lied in my bed not knowing what to do. Earlier today I ran into Andrew, which meant Shawn is here even though his concert isn't for another day. I looked at the clock and it was already eight.

I changed into shorts and a sweatshirt and went downstairs. "It's about time you came down," my mother said. I smiled nervously, "I was a little tired." There was silence before I started again, "Can I go out?" She rose her eyebrow, "And do what?" I shrugged, "Just to walk, I need fresh air." She looked at the clock then back at me, "Try and be safe." I nodded a thank you, put on my vans, and headed out.

The sun was setting, so it wasn't too dark out yet. I headed towards the beach since it was always more relaxing. Ever since I was little, I loved the beach, I'd spend hours after hours in the ocean.

The breeze started to get cooler, so I was thankful for my sweatshirt. There weren't as many people on the boardwalk like earlier, but it was still somewhat busy. I decided to avoid the packs of people and go down an alleyway.

"Do you care if I join you?" a deep, familiar voice called out. I quickly turned around as my heart started beating fast. Shawn.

I let go of the breath I didn't realize I was holding, "You scared me half to death." He ran his fingers through his hair and put his hands in his pockets.

Shawn's POV

Finally. After six months of searching, I've finally found her. She was still beautiful as ever. "It's funny how we keep meeting up like this," she said while tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "How have you been?" I asked. She smiled, "Good, but probably not as good as being on tour." I laughed, "But I do wish I could sleep in my own bed sometimes." We talked for awhile, catching up almost.

"So how long are you here for?" she asked. I shrugged, "I don't know really, I have a couple friends up here that I'm going to visit and I just want to relax, so maybe a couple weeks or so." Her phone buzzed, "Sorry it's my mom, I have to go." She started waking, "Wait what's your name?" She turned around, "Elena," and I watched her walk away for the second time.

[imhurtinginside]

Dark moon - 1

New chapter.

My name is y/n I just recently moved to forks. I’m going to be starting school soon.... I’m kind of nervous I hope the others will like me. I moved to forks with my family, my mom, and my dad. Yep I’m the only child. A loner. We moved because my dad has a better job here, he gets paid a lot more. And my mom is a nurse, she get’s higher raise here also.

Waking up to my alarm clock was like getting hit on the head with a hammer. I wanted to throw it away, but unfortunately I can’t, because “I need to get ready for the first day of forks high school, yay!” I say to myself sarcastically. I get out of bed, I do my bed. And then I go to the bathroom, I get dressed and I go downstairs for breakfast. “I made some breakfast!” My mom says while packing up her bag, she comes and kisses my forehead quickly “have a fun first day, sweetie” she says “you too!” I reply as the door shuts. I go to the kitchen where my dad is eating breakfast “good morning kiddo” my dad greets “good morning dad” I sit down, eating breakfast “are you excited for your first day?” My dad asks “I’m kind of nervous, I don’t know anybody here...” I reply while getting up for a bottle of water. “You’ll make some new friends don’t worry. You’re only 17 life is ahead of you.” “Thanks dad.” I reply. Finishing breakfast and having some inspirational conversations with my dad, (sarcastic) I get up and get into my car, driving to forks high school. I had to use gps because we’ve only been here for 2 weeks, I don’t know this place that well.

Parking my car, I just sat there for a little while looking around, seeing all the new faces. Taking some deep breathes, the bell finally rang. I finally got out of my car. I start walking inside nervously but also excited, this guy comes beside me “so you’re the new kid?” He asks “what makes you think that?” I ask back “well… you look like you have no idea where you’re going, and you have the school map out.” The blonde headed tells me “wow. That obvious huh?” He laughs “yeah... I’m mike by the way. What’s your name?” “Y/n Salvatore.” “Nice to meet you y/n” “nice to meet you too mike”. Mike helped me get to my class - our class. We had the same class together. One thing I learned about mike in the past 10 minutes is that he LOVES to talk, he never shuts up. But me being polite I let him talk. We get into the class room there was a hook for jackets, I take my jacket off and i hook it on. I look around not knowing where to sit, the teacher comes and he tells me where to sit. He sits me next to mike, he’s really happy about that. I feel like he really likes me. The teacher just says we have a new student? He didn’t wanted to make me introduce myself? Which is really weird. But I let it slip away, it’s better this way.

Lunch comes mike says he wants me to sit with him and his friends, so I do. I met Jessica, Eric, and Angela. They all seem pretty cool. We all click instantly. “Bella doesn’t hangout with us anymore, she’s with the cullens now.” Mike makes a comment to Jessica. I instantly look up when I heard cullens. “Cullen’s?” I question “yeah the Cullen’s. Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, and Edward. The Cullen’s. They’re all together, together Carlisle Cullen adopted them.” Jessica explains…My heart stopped beating for a second.

Edward Cullen was my boyfriend. I know that he is a vampire, I know everything about them. He left me because he said I needed to be safe from the volturi. And the only way I can be, is that they all leave town. So he left me, he broke my heart. We were in love. I... still love him.

I start panicking inside, overthinking in my head “oh my god he’s here. He has a girlfriend. He doesn’t love me anymore”.… “y/n” Eric calls “are you okay?” “Yeah, I’m fine. I just need a bottle of water.” I make an excuse to leave, As I get up I see the Cullen’s sitting down at a table, “edward” I whisper. He looks in my way instantly “y/n?” He thinks. I break the eye contact and go get a bottle of water. “When did you get here?” He thinks I just walk straight by their table, like I don’t know them. I see Bella cuddled up by Edward, ouch that hurt. Thinking I used to be the one who cuddled him like that. “When did you get here? Are you okay?” Edward thinks again. I finally answer him knowing he won’t stop chattering in his head, so I finally answer him “today. I’m fine.” I think that as a pissed off voice . While I get my water I can feel him staring into my soul.

I can read peoples minds, and I can get into their heads. With Edward it’s easy I can read his mind, and I can get into his head, I can talk to him. He can read my mind. If I let him in. I can also not let him in, it’s like putting a lock on. I can talk to anyone but I won’t freak them out. I did do that once, now that guy is in a mental hospital thinking that he has gone crazy. This is the gift I was blessed with, I guess.

I go sit back at the table, “oh my gosh, Edward Cullen keeps staring at you.” Jessica makes a cheeky comment. “Really? I haven’t noticed” I say brushing the comment off “yeah, it’s kind of scary, it’s like he wants to rip your head off, or something” Jessica says in a I don’t know kind of tone. “Edward stop staring at me, or you’ll make the whole school make a scene out of this!” I think to Edward and he replies with a “okay.”

The day has ended. I can still not believe that my ex boyfriend, is in the same school, has a girlfriend. But left me to be “safe”. Okay. I get to my car I say goodbye to my new friends. I turn my car on, “before you lock me out of your head, please, I want to see you.” Edward thinks “don’t you have a girlfriend?” I think and I look at him straight in the eyes across from me standing by his car with, Bella, Alice and jasper. “I do. But i want to talk to you. Please meet me here at 4pm.” As he said that I locked him out of my head, so he doesn’t know what I’m thinking. Edward just sighs and shakes his head “what?” Bella asks him “nothing” Edward replies “y/n just locked me out of her head.” Edward thinks knowing that I can still read his mind. I drive back home. I overthink this whole situation… I still love him, and I know deep in his heart he still loves me. Or I think he still does, we’ve dated for 2 years, but we’ve know each other for 3. he asked me out when I was 16, and left when I was 17. I’m alsmost turning 18, We’ve been through so much together, we know every little secrets about each other, he’s my soulmate, and I have to see him, talk to him… After 2 hours I go and meet up with Edward at the forks high school……

(Part 2 is up!)

[imhurtinginside]

Burden - 3

Shawn opens the door… he see’s klaus and I standing by each other, face to face. “Y/n? What’s going on?” Shawn aks. I’m silent, we don’t say a word. Did he see us kiss is what I’m thinking “I should get going.” Klaus mentions “yeah you should, I’ll see you tomorrow.” I say to him as he leaves with a smirk on his face looking at Shawn.

Klaus leaves now its Shawn and I. “Why was he here? Did he hurt you?” Shawn asks as a protective boyfriend. “No, he didn’t he just stopped by to say hi.” I lie straight through my teeth. “Well that’s kind of weird. You guys were standing in the door way.” Shawn says “oh yeah, because he was about to leave when he showed up.” I lie again “how long was he here?” Shawn asks putting his guitar down “about... 10 minutes” I say. Lie. About like 30 minutes.

I rather not tell Shawn about the kiss. It’s best that he doesn’t know, I don’t even know what this means? Why did I let him kiss me?

The day ends Shawn talks about what he did at the studio, he finished a song. I go and take a shower, while I’m in the shower I get a message from klaus. My phone is on the bed, where Shawn is currently cuddled in waiting for me. My phone Dings

“Hey, y/n it’s klaus. So what’s your answer? I need to know.”

“You better make the right decision. You know we’re in this together.”

“I only have you.”

“I’ll always have you.”

My phone goes off. I hear it from the shower thinking it’s Shawn’s phone. Shawn goes and checks my phone, but when he sees the messages he gets, angry and confused. “Y/n!!” Shawn yells “what the fuck is going on? Who is this guy?! What the fuck does he want?” Shawn aks angry. “What?! What are you talking about?!” I say running out of the shower to the bedroom. I have my towel wrapped around me. “This” Shawn shows me the messages. “I don’t know Shawn!” I defend myself “yes you do! Tell me what going on!” I just turn away and get dressed in my pjs. “Baby, please, it’s killing me alive.” Shawn says wrapping his hands around my waist “are you cheating on me?” Shawn asks softly his voice shaky “no. I’m not cheating on you.” I say while getting dressed “then what’s going on? Ever since this klaus showed up our relationship has going downhill” Shawn says putting his hand up on the air in disbelief “no shawn, our relationship has been going downhill.” I fight back.

“Are you in or are you out?”

“Y/n baby I don’t have much time.”

“It’s either him or me”

My phone goes off again Shawn reads the messages out loud. “What the fuck is this?!” Shawn Question’s angry. “I can’t tell you.” I say “what can’t you tell me? That you’re cheating on me?” Shawn comes close to me “I’m not cheating on you. Can you get it through your thick skull?!” I say pushing Shawn away “then what does he mean him or me?” “Shawn it’s really complicated!” “What’s complicated y/n? What is!” Shawn follows me to the kitchen. i had enough I have to tell everything to him “THAT I WAS DATING A LITERAL GANGESTER, WHO IS TIDE WITH DRUGS AND GUNS. WHO WAS MY BOYFRIEND, MY FIRST LOVE. WHO I WANTED KIDS WITH AND WANTED TO GET MARRIED TO. AND NOW I AM KNOWN AS THE GANGSTERS WIFE, PEOPLE ARE ON US WATCHING US, OUR EVERY MOVE. SHAWN, HE KNEW THAT YOU WERE AT THE STUDIO SHAWN, HE KNOWS EVERYTHING” I yell. Shawn stays silent processing everything I just said “gangster?” Shawn questions “yes Shawn, the one you see in movies they actually exist in real life.” “Okay, but what does he want from you?” Shawn asks while sitting down on the couch while I’m standing in the kitchen “he wants me to sell 2 kilos of cocaine” I say while holding my head “no! Did you say no? You’ve never did anything like that? Did you?” He asks, “yes. I did I was his drug dealer back in the days.” I say admitting everything to him.

I told him everything about me, selling drugs, ripping people off, fooling everyone to get money, just because I was in love. For god sakes klaus slept with a gun. Every single night. I bet he still does.

While talking to Shawn about my past, he understands everything, he’s really understanding, and support of what I’m saying, and how I’m telling him everything, I told him about the kiss. He was not happy about that, but he lets it slip away. We talked about not having sex and I miss him, that’s why I need attention right now, we’re working on it together. We need to communicate more with each other.…

While we’re on the couch having a conversation, the door bell rings. I go and open the door it’s no other than klaus. He has a smirk on his face as usual.

Sheesh… who is y/n going to choose?

[imhurtinginside]

Burden - 2

“Can we just forget about this, please” I ask Shawn walking away from him, trying to get away from this conversation. “No y/n we have to talk about this! What the fuck happened?” Shawn followed. “It’s none of your business. It stays in the past.” I say trying to stay calm about this whole situation.

Klaus came back to my life and it’s not good. I dated him, he is a gangster. Dating a gangster is never a good idea, you’re always known as the gangsters wife now. Especially with us, because we were in love, he never hid it from his friends, he tried to but he never could.

“Did he abuse you?!” Shawn still tries to have a conversation about this. “Shawn! Let it go! Please…” I yell at him and run back to the bedroom and shut the door. I know what I was doing was childish, but this is in the past now. I try to forget it. How klaus and I were in love once, how he used to tell me that he loves me, that he would protect me from anyone, that we would get married some day and have children. But now that’s gone. Everything is gone. I’m with Shawn now, I am in love with Shawn now, why did he show up again? I know for a fact that he knew where I was. And now he wants me back.…

“Baby,please, I’m sorry. Fine I’ll let it go. Come out.” Shawn said leaning by the door. He knew how I was, if I don’t want to talk I’ll lock myself into a room for hours if I have to. I open the door slowly looking at Shawn. “Can we just drop this klaus story, please? He hurt me in the past. Yes. But I don’t want you to know about what he did, what I used to do with him.” I say Shawn just nods softly still not wanting to let this go. But he does he pulls me into a hug.

1 week later…

It’s afternoon Shawn left to the studio, I was home alone. I was cleaning up the house and our doorbell rang. I go open the door it’s KLAUS. “What are you doing here?!” I ask him terrified “I came to see you.” He said with a big smile on his face. “How do you know where I live?” Stupid question of course he knows everything. “I just guessed. Guess I guessed right.” Klaus says smirking. We both know that he was spying on me with one of his guys “may I come in y/n?” I hesitate a little bit. He’s being too nice. “what do you want klaus?” I ask sternly “I just want to talk to you. Can I come in?” “Sure” I lead him inside. I know that he won’t hurt me. He is still in love with me.

We sit down. Awkward silence. We sit across from each other. “So… what did you want to tell me? That you couldn’t tell me outside?” I ask crossing my legs. “I… I need your help. With some things…” klaus finally spits out. “No! I’m not doing that anymore. You know that!” I get up walking to the door motioning him to get out “y/n come on! You’re the only one I can trust!” Klaus stays seated. “Get out! Now! I’m not doing that anymore.” I yell at him. He runs to me and shuts the door quickly “shhh! Anyone can hear you.” Klaus says putting his hand over my mouth gently. I take his hand off my mouth “how much are we talking about?” I ask staring at him “2 kilo” he says “that’s too much…” I say shaking my head. “Baby girl, you sold 5 kilos before. No it’s not.” Klaus says like it’s nothing “yeah, when I had protection who do I have now?” I ask while sitting next to klaus “me. You have me. And the guys. You’ll be protected.” He said, kissing my cheek “and where exactly am I going to hide 2 kilos of cocaine, from my boyfriend?” I ask him while getting up. “Oh that fool was your boyfriend? Huh” I look at him mockingly shaking my head “yeah that “fool” is my boyfriend”. “He won’t be happy to see me once he gets back from the studio.” Klaus says walking to the kitchen getting himself something to drink. Klaus was acting like we’re back together, like it’s his home. “How do you know that he went to the studio?!” “Babe. You know how I know, I have Max following him everywhere. I want to know everything about him.” I just sigh and shake my head.

Yep this is a gangster possessive ex boyfriend. Great job y/n. “I’m not doing it! Get out of my house! Get out of my life! I’m not selling anything anymore! I have a new life now!” I say grabbing the drink out of his hand. Taking his arm and leading him to the door “you’re so cute when you get mad. That’s what I love about you y/n”. “Stop it. Just stop it klaus. What do you want? Besides just using me to sell coke.” I stop him by the door. “I want you. I want you back. I came back for you!” He says cupping my face “you fucked up when you hit me. You know that? I can never forget about that day!”

•••Flashback•••

••• DRUNK. So drunk that he made a story up in his head that I was cheating on him, and when he got into the house we started fighting about, who’s cheating on who. Everything was a mess. Dishes smashed, cups broken, yelling. I started to pack my clothes up, ready to leave “are you going to your lover? Huh?” Klaus said angry. “What are you talking about? What lover?” “You know who I am talking about.” And with that I wanted to leave, he pulled me back and slapped me... •••

“I know and apologized a thousand times. And I am so sorry about that night. I love you.” Klaus said still cupping my face. Our eyes are both tearing up “klaus... I have a boyfriend.” I said. Although I was with Shawn I still had feeling for klaus. “I know… just one last time.” He kissed me. We kissed. It’s like I’m falling in love with him all over again. I can never forget about him, he always finds me. We pull away and with that the door opens. It’s Shawn he’s home from the studio……

Oh oh! What do you think is going to happen next? A fight? A breakup? Them getting back together…?! 🤷‍♀️🤷‍♀️

[imhurtinginside]

Burden - 1

[ I came up with a “fantasy” in my head and this is it. Idk if you’ll like it or not, but I’m just going to write it out, so it’s not STUCK in my head, and I’m not soo in it, you know? ]

It all started at a restaurant… Shawn and I were sitting outside at a restaurant with some friends having lunch, the sun was shining, the sky was the bluest, hot outside, but the warm hot, you know, when the breeze comes and you get chills down your spine.

We were all laughing joking about what Brian did last night, he fell unfortunately on Shawn while they were running around like kids, it wasn’t funny at the time, but now how Geoff brought it up we all started cracking up.

Shawn was sitting beside me and Brian and Geoff were in front of us, there were a group of guys sitting beside us on my right, and they were laughing and talking loudly, having a fun time, so were we.

But when I turned my head I knew who the guy was. I knew these group of guys! “Oh my god!!” I turned to them said loudly “klaus what are you doing here?!”

(Klaus is the last name of the guy that I’m writing this about hehehhe don’t fight me🤓)

Klaus was a “famous” rapper that I knew on YouTube I liked the music he put out with his “band” klaus was a much different person than Shawn. Klaus was BAD he likes to smoke, drink, have guns, I mean he’s a gangster.

“Hey y/n!”(your name) He greeted me standing up for a hug, I stand up give him a big hug. We knew each other from before, because we met at a airport and we actually talked for hours, and we also texted a few times.....

Some time passes Klaus and I are having a conversation, I can feel Shawn’s hands on my waist tugging into me, but that doesn’t stop me from talking to Klaus. After like 10 minutes shawn says “babe we should get going” we do, I pack up our leftovers I say goodbye to Klaus, we say goodbye to our friends and we get in the car.

“What was that?” Shawn questions me “hm what?” I ask literally not knowing “you... and that guy... KlAuS” he says his name mocking while he buckled his seatbelt.

I just stayed silent buckling my seatbelt not wanting to start a fight again. “You know he was flirting with you, right?” Shawn adds another comment while he turnes the car on. “And how do YOU know that Shawn?” Here we go.

“I mean it’s obvious the way he looked at you, the way he looked at you is the way I look at you, and I don’t want another guy looking at you like that!”

He said to me while driving looking me straight In the eyes. I look at the road and say

“he’s just a friend”

Shawn just sighs and shakes his head and starts driving home. Meanwhile I try to forget about the past.

We get home I put the leftovers in the fridge Shawn comes behind me “are we going to talk about this y/n?” “Not if you start arguing and getting jealous.” I spit back. “I’m not. Please tell me who is this guy? How do you know him? He looks like he’s in a gang.”

Klaus: He is older than me about 5 years. He is 6’3 little bit taller than Shawn. He has his two arms tattooed along with his hands, fingers, his chest,his neck, stomach, back, is all tattooed. The back of his legs are also tattooed. He looks mean, the way he looks at you, he’s mean. But also hot for the ladies. Chicks dig him. He’s hot. And I fell in love with him… I fell in love with a gangster

I told Shawn that we used to date. That’s how I know him. “Forget about him he is not a good guy.” I say to Shawn deadass serious “what? Did he like kill someone?” Shawn says laughing as a joke. I look at him no expression on my face. “Holy shit.” Was all that Shawn said.…

Soooo? What did you think. I have so many more ideas. It’s 1 am i Am soo tired. Peace out I’m going to sleep ✌️

[watchmegetobsessed]

he can wake me up anytime

[watchmegetobsessed]

just imAGINE ah

[watchmegetobsessed]

Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 7

we are getting intimate i hope yall are ready!

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5 - Part 6

I haven’t slept this good in months. When I wake up I feel relaxed, everything feels just perfect and this is how I want to start all my days from now on. I hear the triplets through the door and Elisa is lecturing them on something, this is when I leave my room and see them sitting at the dining table, eating their promised pancakes.

“Good morning! You want some pancakes?” Elisa smiles at me brightly, holding the pan in her hands.

“They are delicious!” Callie giggles stuffing her mouth.

“Yes, I want some. Thank you,” I say as I take a seat at the table.

“Everything was fine yesterday?” Elisa asks and I nod.

“Yeah, they were good. Right guys?” The start nodding enthusiastically as Elisa hands me a plate full of pancakes and I start eating.

“I’m glad! I was a bit afraid to leave bed time to you, but I guess you did great on your own,” Elisa winks at me.

“But Shawn helped her too!” Riley coos and I freeze as I see my life flash in front of my eyes. No doubt, Elisa will kill me.

“Shawn, huh?” she slowly turns around and I wish I could disappear right now and never come back.

“Um, yeah. He dropped by because… he had to give me a dress.”

“A dress? Interesting. Guys if you are all ready go to my room and get dressed, the clothes are on the bed.”

The quickly finish their breakfast and I just sit at the table, waiting for my death and I’m just hoping the kids stay here as long as possible, but when the last one is gone and they can’t hear us Death comes for me.

“You brought him here last night?” Elisa whisper yells at me and I jump in my seat.

“I-I… I wasn’t planning on it! He just called me if he could drop by with the dress but I couldn’t go to the café with the kids, so I told him to come here.”

“And how long did he stay exactly?”

“A few… hours,” I admit lowering my head ashamed. “He helped me with the kids, Riley was so fond of him, I was afraid she would throw a tantrum if he left.”

“But he is still a client!” she snaps at me and I know she is waiting for me to say that she is right, but I sit in silence and watch her face change from furious to confused and then desperate. “Naya, what happened?”

“Nothing. I—We kissed. Twice.”

“You what?! Did he force you?”

“What? No! It was… It was me both times. He never forced me to do anything.” I shake my head rapidly quickly defending Shawn. I bury my face in my hands from her burning eyes. “I’m sorry, Elisa, I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let him come here when the kids were here.”

“I’m not worried about the kids, Naya. I’m worried about you.” I look up and see her take the chair next to me as she gives me a worried look. “I know the kids are fine, they are tough. But are you okay? You ever brought a client home before.”

“I know, but he… He doesn’t feel like a client anymore.” I shake my head gently. No, Shawn is not a client, he never really was. Our strange situation never let me take our relationship professionally and after the recent happenings I’m just even more sure.

“And are you sure it’s not like… you know, what it was like with Knox?”

“Yes, I’m one hundred percent,” I say more confidently than ever.

“Girl, then I’m here for it, but I don’t want you to hurt at the end. The month will end in less than two weeks. Use it wisely, but don’t forget. Once the time is over, you have to move on and focus on the next client. Do as you wish, but be careful.”

I nod knowing well I have to face this issue sooner or later and that I can’t just ignore everything for my momentary happiness and wellbeing.

Elisa leaves with the triplets soon after our conversation and I start getting ready. Today Shawn has a photoshoot and I join him, obviously only behind the scenes, later we have early dinner with Dave and Zubin because our last time together was so fun, they’ve been up in our case to meet again.

I feel pretty posh in my Chanel dress as I walk to the café in my shades. The Range Rover is already there and when I get in the car Shawn is smiling at me happily.

“Hey,” I greet him.

“Hi. What’s up?” he asks as he starts the car and we leave.

“Nothing much,” I chuckle lightly, buckling myself up.

“How were the kids after I left?”

“Oh, they were great. Only Callie woke up once, but she fell asleep quickly afterwards. And Riley busted us in front of my flatmate.”

“What did she say?” he laughs glancing at me shortly.

“Well, she just said that you helped me out yesterday and Elisa wasn’t too happy at first.” I grimace turning to the window and staring out.

“I’m sorry I got you in trouble.”

“It’s fine. We talked it out.”

“You look nice in the dress by the way,” he grins at me boyishly and I just shake my head at him laughing.

Once we arrive to the studio a smaller group of people start following us around making sure we get everything we desire as we are being led to the location of the photoshoot. Shawn gets a quick touch up which I find hilarious, watching him sit and have a beauty guru work on his already perfect face while he is trying not to grimace.

“You look like you are in another universe,” I laugh at him when the makeup artist is done and left to get the hair stylist so we have a few moments alone.

“I am. I don’t get this part,” he mumbles looking at the table that is full of beauty products.

“I get it, but I don’t think you need it.”

“Oh really?” he arches an eyebrow with a boyish smile.

“Mhm,” I nod feeling myself blushing, so I occupy myself quickly with looking around and thankfully the hair stylist arrives a second later.

“Hi! I’m Kayla, I’ll be photographing you today!” A long black haired woman appears with a huge camera hanging from her neck. She shakes hands with Shawn and I and invites Shawn to stand in the set. It’s pretty simple, he has a tall stool in the middle, some guitars on stands in the background and one light bulb hanging above him making him look like he just had an idea in a cartoon.

I stand in the back and watch him pose in front of the camera like a natural. He looks so freaking amazing that I don’t even notice I bite into my lip. He has a white shirt on with a denim jacket, the silver necklace is hanging from his neck and for the first time I wonder what is on that medal. I note myself to ask him later.

From time to time he glances at me and we can’t help but smile at each other. It doesn’t stay unnoticed by Kayla.

“Do you want to join him?” she asks holding up the camera.

“Oh, no. I don’t take photos,” I shake my head uncomfortably. Crossing my arms on my chest I take a step back.

“Alright, okay. What about one after we are done. I won’t even send it to editing, you can have them and I’ll delete them right away,” she offers.

“Why do you want to shoot us so badly?” I ask chuckling.

“Because I love capturing love,” she smiles at me before turning back and continuing the shoot.

  They try out some more poses, then a guy appears with another camera and he shoots some short snits for social media uses and soon the shoot is wrapped.

“Come here now,” Shawn holds out his hand smiling at me and Kayla turns around with an encouraging smile, nodding towards the set. I hesitate before walking to him taking his hand, but I feel very uncomfortable in the center of the attention and in front of the camera. “Hey, relax, it’s just a photo for us. It won’t be posted.”

Shawn cups my face in his hands and his touch feels magical. My pulse slows down and I try to focus on him rather than on everyone else. I wrap my hands around his wrists as he looks into my eyes with a gentle smile.

“You look beautiful anyway. It would be a shame not to capture you.”

“You’re such a flirt,” I roll my eyes at him smiling.

“Only with you. But it works, right?”

“Kinda,” I admit and when he leans closer I forget about the camera, the studio, everything.

He kisses me so slowly and so gently, it’s different from our previous kisses, those were hungry and lush. He takes my bottom lip between his again and again making me crave more. But then he stops resting his forehead against mine and I come back to reality, hearing the clicking of the camera near us.

I open my eyes and feel myself blushing when I see Kayla smiling satisfied.

“Okay now let’s take a PG rated one,” Shawn chuckles and we turn to the camera, I’m hugging his waist as he wraps his arms around my shoulders and I rest my head on his shoulder. Such a cliché, but when Kayla shows us the photos he shot my heart starts beating faster again. We look like the cutest couple I’ve ever seen even though this was the third time we kissed.

Kayla, as she promised sends the photos to Shawn’s and my phone then deletes them all immediately. Since we are done at the studio we thank everyone their work and we get ready to leave. When Shawn is talking to an assistant about the publication of the photos I take my phone out and quickly, without anyone noticing and open a photo. It’s one from when we were kissing and immediately, it becomes my favorite. Shawn has his hands on my cheeks, I’m holding onto his wrists and out faces melt together in the middle, both our eyes are closed. I smile at the screen and without even thinking about it I set it as my wallpaper.

“Hey, can we leave?” Shawn steps to me and I quickly lock my phone so he can’t see the picture.

“Sure, let’s go,” I smile at him nodding and taking his hand we walk out of the building.

 Dinner with the guys is as epic as possible. I love these guys and honestly, I can’t wait to meet more of Shawn’s friends if they are like Dave and Zubin.

Our early dinner ends pretty late and just as usually, photographers are camping at the exit to get us. It’s around eleven when we decide it’s time to head home. We walk out hand in hand, the flashes are blinding me even through my shades, but Shawn’s tight hold helps me stay focused and make it to the car.

“I swear eating takes all my energy,” I sigh as we are on our way to the café so he could drop me off. I stare out the window and watch the car’s headlight that’s behind us from the mirror. “I think I have a food baby,” I mumble putting a hand to my stomach.

“A food baby?” he laughs glancing at me.

“Yeah, look.” I arch my back so my stomach looks bigger, but there is a visible bump from all the food I ate. “Isn’t my bump cute?” I ask with a seducing look on my face as he is still laughing at me shaking his head.

“It is, babe.”

I stop breathing for a moment as the word babe echoes in my mind. My heart is racing and I think I’m also blushing which is ridiculous, he just called me babe. Why does this make me feel like a happy little girl?

I choose not to comment on it, so I turn back to the window and let silence come between us for a bit. We are starting to get close to the café when I notice something. The same Honda has been coming after us ever since we left the restaurant, making all the same turns as we do, which is pretty suspicious.

“Hey, I think… I think the car behind us is following us,” I say turning around to take a look at it, but I can’t see the driver, the headlights are blinding.

“What?” His eyes are shifting between the road and the rearview mirror as he is trying to see something.

“Take a left here, I tell him and in the meanwhile I watch the car take the same turn. “Okay, now slow down a bit, as if you wants to park here,” I say still watching the car closely.

Normally, it should pass us, but as soon as we come to a stop it stops again and finally I can see the person sitting inside. I recognize a guy from the restaurant, he had the biggest camera I’ve ever seen and now he is right behind us, meaning he followed us the whole time.

“Shit, this guy is following us. I can’t have my home photographed.”

“Okay, let’s go to my place and we’ll figure it out.”

On our way I keep checking, but that damn Honda stays behind us the whole time making me feel more and more stressed. For the guy’s shame but for our luck he can’t come after us to the garage, so we kind of lose him, but I know he is now camping in front of the building, hoping to catch us.

Shawn makes a quick call to Andrew is there is anything we can do about and he tells him he’ll call us back in a few with the solution.

“Make yourself home until then,” Shawn smiles at me as I walk to the couch and make myself comfortable.

“I’m gonna rest my food baby,” I chuckle putting a hand to my bump.

“Do you want something? Thirsty?”

“Some water would be nice, thank you.”

I watch him search in the fridge and then he joins me with two bottled waters handing me one of them. I drink half of the bottle and then put it on the table sliding down the couch and getting myself in a half lying position, lacing my fingers together on my stomach. I’m really in a food coma right now, I shouldn’t have eaten this much, but eating is one of my favorite things to do and tonight the food was brilliant.

I rest my eyes for a few seconds, but I have a feeling that someone is watching me and opening my eyes I see Shawn staring at me with a half smile on his lips. He has an elbow on the back of the couch and he is resting his head in his palm as he is eyeing me without shame.

“What are you staring at?” I ask chuckling.

“I was just thinking,” he shrugs his shoulder.

“About what?” I peek at him from under my lashes.

“Nothing, it’s silly.” He shakes his head and takes up a similar position as me, his head resting on the back of the couch making his neck look long and his Adam’s apple pointing out sharply. I push myself up and now I’m elbowing like he did a few seconds ago.

“Tell me.”

His eyes are barely open as he is glancing at me, but his smile is wide.

“I just… I don’t really have people over here, but having you here makes it feel so much nicer and… warmer. Like a home far from home.”

“But this is your home.”

“Not my real one. My home is where my parents and my sister live. This is just a place where I can stay when I’m in the city. But seeing you getting comfortable on the couch just makes it feel a hundred times nicer.”

I smile at him weakly and my eyes wander down to his lips unintentionally. I just can’t help it, I always feel the urge to kiss him.

He moves his head closer and I take it as a hint, which it probably was, so leaning down I kiss him softly, just gently taking his bottom lip between my lips. My fingers trace his neck and jawline and soon I feel his hands on my thighs pulling me closer to him. Without thinking about it I throw a leg over him and end up on his lap as we never stop kissing.

That small, feather-like kiss soon turns into something more passionate and heated, He pushes himself up so it’s more comfortable for both of us. Both his hands are holding my thighs, his fingers are pressing into my skin through the fabric of my  and I just love the feeling of it. I comb his hair through with my fingers, his silky locks slide through my skin and I hold onto his hair when our tongues meet in the middle.

I swear he has a magic spell on me. Every time we kiss I forget about everything. About who I am, who he is, how we met and what I do for a living. Nothing matters when his lips are touching me, I blank out and all I hear, feel, see and sense is Shawn, his touch, his scent, his… everything.

My dress slid up on my thighs and slowly, but surely his hands travel up to my butt and I can’t help but smile into our kiss. He stepped up his game finally, but I love how he tried to respect me as much as possible and give me time and chance to stop him. But I don’t think I want him to stop.

I arch my back so I’m all pressed up against his chest, my fingers fumble with his shirt indicating that I want it off, but I just can’t unbutton it because my mind is too occupied with his whole being wrapped around me. He soon realizes what my intention is and creating a small gap between us he literally tears the shirt open, buttons are shooting all around us, clinking against the hardwood floor and furniture and damn, this has to be the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen.

“Fuck,” I moan and kiss his swollen lips once more, this time my hands are roaming his bare chest.

He works the tights off of me magically and tugs his fingers into my skin again, pushing me against his body. I start kissing his perfect jawline and down his neck, ready to taste him all the way down, but suddenly, his phone starts ringing and we both jump as if someone just shot a gun next to us.

I roll off of him fixing my dress so it covers my butt as he reaches for the phone, his shirt barely hanging from his arms with no buttons left on it.

“Hey Andrew,” he answers licking his lips and running his fingers through his messy hair. I have to press my thighs together to stop myself from throwing myself on him again. I want to have this view in an oil painting and hang it in my room so I can stare at it forever. His bare, slightly hairy chest is rising and sinking rapidly, the silver medal is lying in that small dimple where his collarbones meet under his neck, his lips are pink and swollen from the hard on make out we just had and his hazel eyes are fixed on me as he is listening to Andrew through the phone.

“Yeah, I get it. Okay… Sure, thanks.” He ends the call and throws the phone to the table. “Looks like you are spending the night here,” he says with the most aroused half-smile on his face I’ve ever seen.

 Shawn’s shirt hangs baggy on my body, I could fit twice in it and the shorts he gave me are also quite huge, luckily the elastic is keeping it up just fine on my hips. I washed all my makeup off so now I’m bare-faced, my hair is in a high ponytail and I’m fumbling with the hem of the shirt nervously.

I’m spending the night at Shawn’s place, because apparently, that douche of a photographer is refusing to leave from the street, waiting for us to leave so he can follow us. Andrew said there is nothing we can do about it because he is out on the street, we can’t deny that from him so tomorrow we will have a whole mission to get me home without him knowing where I live, but now it’s just too late to start tricking. So here I am, in Shawn’s clothes, in Shawn’s bathroom with Shawn somewhere outside waiting for me to be done with showering.

I’m nervous. No, this is an understatement. I’m shitting myself, and I’m very confused about it. I’m anxious, because I don’t know if we are sleeping in the same bed, and if we are, does he want to have sex? Do I want to have sex with him?

Definitely. Every inch of my body wants him, I want to kiss him anywhere I can, I want him to hold me tight, I want to feel his hands discover my body and I want to feel him…

But this is a huge deal for me. Before the phone call I wasn’t afraid, I guess we knew we would stop at one point, we wouldn’t have had a quickie on his couch just like that. But now we have the whole night and I’m stressing out. I have no idea where this is heading and if I’m liking it or not.

“Grow up,” I mumble to myself as I fix my hair a bit and with my clothes in my hands I leave the bathroom.

The hallway is empty, and I see light coming from one of the rooms, so I head that way, but I note that it’s not his bedroom. I pop my head in and see him fixing the pillows. The room is very clean, everything is white and beige, there is a huge king sized bed in the middle and the window takes up one on the walls just like in the living room.

“Hey,” he smiles at me straightening up. “Um, this is the guest room, not that I have many guests, but… whatever. Do you need anything for the night?”

“No, thank you,” I shake my head smiling politely. So we are not sleeping in the same bed. Okay, cool. But why am I feeling… disappointed?

“Okay, then I guess I’ll leave you alone. My bedroom is the first one down the hallway, if you need anything. Take anything from the fridge anytime.” He is walking closer as I put my clothes down to a chair at the wall and stand there feeling a bit awkward. “Good night,” he breathes out and leaning closer he kisses my forehead before walking out of the room and gently closing it behind him.

I hear him walk away and then I’m all alone. I sit down at the edge of the bed sliding my hands over the silky bedsheet and then cuddling under it, making myself comfortable. I switch the lights next to the bed off and turn to face the window, admiring the amazing view.

I try my best to fall asleep, but I think I’ve never felt more awake. Knowing that Shawn is just down the hallway, lying in his own bed, probably looking at the same view or maybe he is already asleep. I wonder what he is thinking about or how he is feeling about me spending the night here.

And in the back of my mind I’m dying to be next to him. I want to know what it feels like to be in the same bed as him, to cuddle him, to hear his steady breathing when he is sleeping, to wake up next to him in the morning and have him as the very first thing I see.

I check the time on my phone and it has been almost an hour. I see no chance of falling asleep and my curiosity is on full mode, bugging me relentlessly.

“I swear I’m going nuts,” I mumble under my breath as I sit up and kick the covers off of me.

Tiptoeing out of my room I walk down the hallway and stop at his door, holding my breath as I’m trying to hear something from inside, but everything is dead silent. I take a deep breath and knock on the door before I could change my mind.

Not even a second passes by and the door opens revealing a messy haired Shawn in a pair of black Calvin Klein boxers and a white t-shirt.

“Were you standing at the door?” I ask raising my eyebrows at him. There’s no way he could get out of bed and come to the door that fast.

“Maybe… but how can I help you?”

I didn’t think it through. Now that I’m standing in front of him I have no idea how to say what I want to say. I’m searching for the right words, but I can’t seem to find them so I start rumbling.

“I, uh- I was just… I couldn’t sleep and… I guess I…” This is going nowhere and a wide grin grows on his lips making me feel even more uncomfortable. This shithead is enjoying my embarrassment!

“You are so cute when you get nervous around me. I like it.” He chuckles lightly before taking a step back from the doorway and nodding inside. “Come in. I was just about to go over to you.”

I try to hide my smile as I walk past him, straight to his bed. His room is similar to the guest room, but the color scheme is different, most of the stuff here is a light brown, black and silver. It doesn’t look as clean and untouched, there are small bits here and there from him, like his cologne on the nightstand, his watch on the small table or the shirt he wore today in the back of the chair next to his desk that has a huge pile of paper.

I don’t eye around for long, I climb to the bed and slide under the cover having him come after me. I take the left side, leaving him the right with the view to the city. Soon he is lying next to me and I turn to my side to see his blurry face in the dark. He has his eyes closed and I have the chance to admire his profile.

“Are you staring at me?” he asks without opening his eyes. I hide my smile with the cover and shake my head.

“No,” I lie to him. He peeks at me and catches my eyes before I could close them.

“Liar,” he calls out and I gasp dramatically, pretending to be hurt. He turns to the side and his arms reach out, his fingers dig into my side and he starts tickling me.

“No! Please no!” I scream gasping for air, desperately trying to get away from his fingers, but he somehow gets on top of me and I’m stuck, totally out of breath, laughing and screaming uncontrollably.

“No what? What do you want, Naya?” he asks with a vicious smile on his face as I move under him like a fish on the land.

“I… want… you… to…. stop!” I manage to get out and now he is just laughing at me and he finally stops.

He is keeping himself up above me and as our laughter dies we realize the pose we are in. His face is only inches away, I bring my hand up and trace his lips with my finger.

“Shawn?” I whisper as we lock eyes.

“Yes?”

“Is it… Is it okay if we just lay here and talk until we fall asleep?” I ask almost shivering and afraid from his answer. I’m afraid he was expecting to have sex, but I realized I’m not ready for that. Not now.

“I would love that,” he smiles at me leaning down and placing an oh so sweet kiss on my lips before lying down next to me and pulling me in his arms.

My head is resting where his upper arm meets his shoulder, he wraps both his arms around me and our legs are tangled together under the sheets. Nothing is said for some long minutes, but it still feels perfect. I haven’t felt this safe and relaxed in a long time.

I think about the last time I laid in the arms of a man and my calm state is all gone. Shawn must have felt my sudden change, because he presses a kiss to the top of my head and holds me closer to him.

“What are you thinking about?”

I move my head so I can see his face and our eyes meet in the dark.

“I just… I’m thinking about how different everything is with you.”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that… you are not a client to me, never really was, I guess.” I lick my lips and think back at the day we met. We have come so far since then, that’s for sure.

“Well, you don’t feel like someone I’m paying to for company anymore,” he chuckles lightly before hitting a more serious tone. “I’m really happy I got to meet you.”

“You are?”

“Yes. You are smart, beautiful, I love spending time with you and I feel like I’m myself again when I’m with you.”

I can’t hide my smile from him, his words warm me so much.

“You are not bad yourself, Mr. Mendes,” I wink at him making him chuckle.

“Good to know.” Leaning closer he pecks my nose. “Can I tell you something?” I nod my head and wait for him to continue. He hesitates for a while before speaking up. “I like you. A lot. This is the kind of liking that I think can turn into… something more. And I don’t want to scare you with this, but after everything that has happened between us I felt like I should tell this to you.”

“Shawn, I don’t know what to say…” I whisper, feeling my throat closing up.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just wanted to tell you this so you know. Because I think this is what I messed up every time. I didn’t make it clear what I felt and I could easily get tossed to the side because of that.”

My heart aches for him. This man doesn’t deserve to be tossed to the side, he is perfect just the way he is and any girl would be lucky to have his attention and admiration. I’m so touched by his words and I wish I could tell him everything I’m feeling but I’m at a total loss of words. I want to tell him that I like him too, a lot and that I think he is an amazing person.

I choose to tell him everything in a non-verbal way, so pushing myself up I press my lips to his, kissing him with every emotion that’s inside me, hoping he gets the message. All my passion is in this kiss and when we pull away we keep eye-contact for a few seconds before I put my head back to his shoulder and he pulls me close to his body.

Nothing should be said after this, time to sleep.

[watchmegetobsessed]

Shawn Mendes // Boundaries Part 6

it is getting FLUFFY you guysss so get ready! thanks for the messages and likes and everything, it makes me so happy to see you like the story so far! keep ‘em coming! hehe

Part 1 - Part 2 - Part 3 - Part 4 - Part 5

I wouldn’t say it’s awkward on our way back to his place to meet Andrew. But it’s definitely… different. We both are deep in thoughts and from time to time it seems like one of us is about to say something, but then we remain silent on the whole ride.

Andrew is already there, sitting at the dining table with his computer when we arrive.

“Hey!” The lights from the screen paint his face blue as he smiles at us. “How was today?”

Immediately, our eyes meet, he is standing next to Andrew and I’m across them at the table. He seem to be at a loss of words so I quickly reply hoping Andrew didn’t notice anything.

“Good. It was… good.” Okay, I should have said something more convincing for sure.

“Yeah,” Shawn nods enthusiastically. “Good.” Oh my God, why is he repeating it?

Andrew glances between us with a knowing smile and now I’m confused. Are we missing something here?

“Tell me more about this one then.” Suddenly he turns the computer so everyone can see it and there we are, kissing like teenagers in the semi-darkness and the photo is a bit dim but it’s pretty clear we are the ones, basically melting together. My hand is on his chest and when I look at his hand that’s tangled into my hair at the back of my head I can almost feel what it was like.

Andrew is waiting for an answer, but I honestly have no idea what I should be telling. I don’t know what he wants to hear or if he is mad or fuming, because I can’t move my eyes away from the screen.

“So?” He asks and I’m sure my cheeks are starting to get red.

“Andrew, I’m sorry, we…” Shawn starts, but Andrew’s laugh stops him.

“Sorry? For what? For doing the perfect thing to make that damn video nonsense? Because this kiss just solved the problem I came here for.”

I finally look at him and I see that… he is genuinely happy about the picture where his client, who is also my client is kissing me, an escort. Though no one knows I’m an escort, Andrew does and he knows that this shouldn’t have happened.

“Wait, what?” I ask in total confusion. “But… we didn’t discuss… “I point at the screen, “this with you beforehand. Aren’t you mad?”

“Well, we definitely need to discuss it, but on the other hand, everyone is over the Moon for your secret kiss that got captured and finally gave something to the people that confirms your relationship.”

He pulls the computer back and types something as I take the seat across him and Shawn does the same between us, so we all have one side of the table. I’m relieved Andrew is not mad at us, but that discussion part is still scaring me and not just because of what Andrew is going to say, but because I still have no idea what are Shawn’s thoughts on it.

I lay my hands out on the table in front of me and slowly look at Andrew who is still focused on his computer. He types something and then sighing happily he shuts it down and finally turns his attention to us.

“So, it was a great idea, whoever thought of this. I wish you let me know in advance, but I guess you guys had to act in the moment to make it as real as possible, right? We don’t want a staged kiss, but you did an amazing job. Shawn, I’m starting to think you really are a good actor.”

Andrew thinks it was fake. Oh my holy… He has no idea that I kissed him because I was craving it more than anything else in my life ever. He thinks it was a strategical kiss and now this is my chance to clean the mess I made up.

“Yeah. Yeah, just as you said. We had to make it seem believable and… I thought that was the perfect scene and just… went for it hoping to make it look real and all… lovey-dovey,” I say joining him in his theory about the kiss.

Shawn turns to me and our eyes meet for a second and I know. I know it hurt him, but the sadness quickly vanishes from his eyes and he turns to Andrew with a smile that I know is fake as hell.

“So it was believable? Are we good?” he asks his manager and I feel my stomach shrink hearing him. I shouldn’t have been so harsh about the kiss being fake, but it’s too late now.

“Yeah, it was perfect. Fleur, thank you for committing so hard, I hope it won’t cause you any trouble with…”

“No, Joshua doesn’t care about it,” I ensure him and he nods happily.

“Alright. But we have one more thing to discuss. Fashion Week.”

“Wasn’t the kiss enough? Do we really have to fly out to Paris?” Shawn groans clearly annoyed and now I’m hurt. Last time we talked about it at a lunch he said he is now fine to go. I guess it has changed.

“It’s perfect, for now. But we have to keep the hype up, so you have to go, I’m sorry,” he apologizes.

“It’s fine, we’ll do it. Thank you,” I smile at him knowing Shawn is now back to his grumpy self.

They start talking about his upcoming concert and I sit there, staring at the table in front of me. Things went so smooth lately, but I just ruined everything in a few hours, all thanks to my mouth. First, because I couldn’t control myself and had to lock lips with him and then I didn’t think before I spoke so I made myself look like a rigid bitch. How nice, right?

And the best part? Shawn now hates me again. To be honest, I hate myself too. Because his hate this time is more painful than ever, for some reason.

 Not wanting anything else than to just leave Shawn’s place I leave when Andrew so there’s no awkward one-on-one time with him. My anxiety is kicking in by the time I arrive home and collapse into bed, burying my face into the pillow. I want to scream so badly, but I don’t even have energy for that. So I take a quick hot bath and just let myself drift to sleep and forget about the real world. I can sleep until eleven tomorrow and I only have to survive a lunch with Shawn. I’m spending the night at the Nook so at least I can have a few drinks with the girls there. The only thing that’s keeping me alive.

The morning comes faster than I wanted and I spend at least twenty minutes in bed, just staring at the ceiling, waiting until the last moment before I get out of bed. I wish I could postpone this lunch, but I can’t cancel on it, though I honestly think Shawn feels the same way. I’m probably the last person he wants to see, but I can understand. I brought him into my own mess with that kiss and then made him feel like shit when I detailed it out how it was just a staged something.

I successfully hide my dark circles and make myself look presentable and walking to the café I’m almost one hundred percent sure Nick is going to wait for me, but I’m wrong. Shawn is sitting behind the tinted windows in his Rover and I unintentionally step back when I realize it.

“Okay, I can do it. Just act normal,” I whisper to myself as I grab the door handle and get inside. I’m expecting him to stay silent upon my arrival, but I’m surprised again.

“Hey,” he greets as he looks at me while I buckle myself up. I smile at him happily.

“Hi!” I thought I would get a smile from him, but I guess that was just too much. Because he just turns back, starts the car and starts driving in silence. No country music.

I’m trying not to stare, but I sneak a few glances at him when he is focused on the road. My chest tightens when I realize how different he looks. He has bags under his eyes, his fingers are curling on the wheel anxiously and his eyes are dull. It’s like he is a whole different person who looks so… sad and devastated.

I was expecting grumpy Shawn to make a comeback, but this is by far worse, because he looks hurt and I feel like this is all on me. My mistake should have been only mine, it shouldn’t have affected him too.

When we arrive he helps me out of the car and I thank him quietly, but I get no reaction. He just bites into his bottom lip, takes my hand so if anyone is photographing us we still seem like a couple, and we walk in without a word.

This silence is killing me. We sit at the table without a word, he is scrolling through something on his phone while I’m just sitting there, staring at my glass on the table. I need to say something.

“So, um… Fashion Week, huh?” This is the first thing that leaves my mouth and it’s so stupid I almost hit myself for saying that. It’s clearly something that annoys him and now I’m just bugging him.

“I guess,” he sighs without looking up from his phone. “We have to get you a few outfits for it, a different one for each show.”

“So we are going shopping again?” I ask trying to keep the conversation up. He shakes his head no, but doesn’t say anything. “Then how am I going to have new clothes?”

“Andrew will arrange a fitting. You can’t come to a Fashion Week in clothes you bought in the mall.”

“Oh, sounds exciting.”

And that’s it. The awkward silence continues, allowing me to slowly die inside at the table. At least I die in a fancy place and don’t rot in a garbage bin like I used to think when I thought about my death. It’s a nice upgrade.

I don’t try to make a conversation with him, I’m just quietly trapped in my own thoughts that start making me go nuts, but I can’t do anything about it. I keep looking at Shawn, but he only looks at me every ten minutes and some of those are accidental. I’m really back to the start, or worse, because then at least he talked to me. Okay, he said horrible things, but at least the silence didn’t weight on my shoulders like now. I feel like I’m in a cold and burnt out relationship that is just sinking and neither of us is trying to save our shiny boat, instead we just sit and let everything dive into the ocean.

By the time we are on our way back I’m depressed and I know it’s my fault. So when Shawn parks down at the café and waits for me to leave the car, I make the last attempt to save this ship from sinking.

“I know you’re mad at me now,” I say turning to him, but he is just looking ahead of him.

“I’m not mad,” he says licking his lips.

“Then you were mad, now you are just… disappointed, I guess. And I understand.”

“No you don’t,” he snaps and finally turns to me, keeping his eyes on me and this is the longest he has been looking at me all day. “You have no idea what I feel.”

“You’re right,” I nod. “So I just wanted to tell you that I’m sorry.”

“Sorry about what, Fleur? Are you sorry for kissing me or are you sorry for telling Andrew that it was all an act, just something gossip sites can make content out of before even talking to me. Because I would have understood, but I think I should have been the first person you discuss it with. Especially because it did not feel fake for me and I don’t think it was fake for you either, but whatever. So tell me what are you sorry about?”

He clenches his jawline and I’m breathing heavily as I keep repeating what he just said in my mind, like I got it on tape. But I can’t answer his question.

He shakes his head at me with a disappointed laugh and I feel like it’s time to go. So I grab my bag from between my legs and get out of the car without a word.

 The Nook feels like a cup of cold water on a hot summer day. It’s so freshening to walk in, see all the familiar faces and just… clear my mind from everything that’s connected to Shawn Mendes.

There is a huge bachelor party tonight at the club which is considered as an event that I should be attending if I weren’t working to a celebrity this month, but I couldn’t stay home and think about what Shawn said in the car until I lose my mind, so I joined Elisa and now in the backstage while all the escort girls working tonight are outside, keeping the men company and just making sure they are having the time of their life. The dancers are running around the changing rooms, glitter is everywhere and the air is thick from the many different perfumes.

“Would you zip be please?” A new girl Lora asks me stepping closer as she is holding her tiny, sparkly purple dress to her chest.

“Sure, come here,” I smile at her and she turns her back to me. I pull the zipper up and she is ready to hit the stage. “Good luck, Girl,” I pat her shoulder and she winks at me as she runs out of the room.

I sit in the corner, next to Elisa’s place as she is reapplying her lipstick. She is supposed to switch with a girl in ten minutes who has been out there for two hours now.

I’m staring at the desk in front of her and I probably zone out for a bit, because I snap back when I see her waving her hand in front of my eyes.

“Huh?” I look at her raising my eyebrows.

“Are you okay? You are like a zombie.” She gives me an unapproving look before slowly turning back to the mirror.

“Yeah, I’m just tired.”

“You’ve been napping a lot lately, are you sure everything is alright? Did Shawn do something again?”

“No, he didn’t do anything,” I say and it’s the truth. It was me. “I guess it’s just the weather or something,” I shrug it off and I’m hoping she won’t interrogate me, because I don’t feel the energy to lie into her face.

We sit in silence, well, not in silence because the music is blasting and it can be heard nearly everywhere in the club and also there is always a basic noise from the girls’ chatter, but we don’t say anything as Elisa finishes her look. I just sit there, staring ahead of me and no matter how hard I try I can’t stop myself from ending up thinking about Shawn, the kiss and what he told me today in his car.

A few minutes later she is gone and I’m left alone, but not for too long. Josie walks into the room, she is wearing silver high heels with a pair of shiny red yoga pants, crowing the outfit with a black top that is showing off her cleavage perfectly. I can’t help but smile at her look.

“Hey there Sweetie, how are you?” she asks me when she spots me in the corner. She has a trashcan in her hand and as we talk she is moving around the room collecting the used cotton buds and tissues from the desks.

“I’m fine,” I smile at her shortly, but I don’t convince her either. I guess my face is just a mess, telling everyone how I really feel.

She puts the trashcan down and stops in front of me, I’m staring up at her as she is examining me with narrow eyes, her hands on her hips.

“You’re not fooling me. Come on, spill it.”

“It’s nothing,” I chuckle shaking my head, but as if she didn’t even hear me, she grabs a chair, pulls it next to mine and sits down.

“So there is something. Something is bothering you, it’s pretty obvious. It would be easier if you talked about it.”

“I doubt that,” I sigh closing my eyes for a second.

“Sweetie, keeping anything in is just making it worse, believe me.” She gives me a knowing look and then gently smacks my thigh. “Is this about a man?”

I don’t say anything, but I guess this gives her the answer.

“Uhoh. Is he not treating you right?”

“No, it’s not that. It’s just… complicated.”

“Nothing is complicated. Unless he is a client, that’s always a pa- Oh…” She quickly realizes from the way I look at her that she hit the nail on the head. “Is this… Is this like that one time?”

“No. He is… He is nothing like Knox.”

“Good. Because we don’t want that to happen again.” She nods to herself. She is one of the three people who knows about what happened when I was a newbie. The other two are Joshua and Elisa, but all three of them promised they wouldn’t tell any of the girls. Even if they could at least learn from my mistakes, I’d rather keep it a secret.

“No, he is different.”

“How?”

“He didn’t want to hire me, it was more the situation that needed me, not him. Therefore he doesn’t require me to act in a specific way to satisfy his needs, because he doesn’t have any. So it’s all so… real.”

“And what’s the problem exactly?” she asks furrowing her eyebrows.

“I kissed him,” I start closing my eyes and keeping my voice quiet so no one hears it. “And then didn’t talk about it with him, just told his manager that it was fake and just for the show, but apparently… He took it seriously and now he is mad at me.”

We stay silent for a few seconds and I open my eyes to look at her and she has a sympathetic look on her bony face. I know what she is about to ask, but I let her say it out loud.

“And was it really fake from your side?”

I can feel tears forming in the corner of my eyes as I shake my head no and then start crying. Josie immediately puts her arms around me and pulls me in for a hug.

“I wanted to kiss him because I-I think I like him and… I got attached to him. Josie, why am I like this?”

She doesn’t even say a word about me calling her Josie here, she just runs her hands up and down my back until I stop crying and calm down a bit. Then she lets go of me and I lean back so I can see her.

“Don’t cry Sweetie. It’s alright to like someone.”

“It’s not if I’m working with them and I won’t see them once we are done with the job.”

She knows I’m right, but I also know that she has a point too. But there’s nothing that can be done, I can’t just ignore the things I don’t like to make me feel better.

Josie reaches for my hand and pulls me closer, as if she is about to tell me a secret.

“Look. I’m not telling you to break your rules, but from what you said this guy likes you just as much as you like him. Tell him what you feel and just… go for it. You still have two weeks until the next month, you can figure it out, but missing the opportunity is something you should never do. You might get your heart broken, but time can heal everything. Trust me. If it’s not meant to be, you’ll be alright. But is it is then don’t be stupid and just walk away.”

I’m drinking up her words as I’m looking into her eyes. I feel my heart beating fast as I process what she is saying.

She doesn’t wait for me to say anything, she gives my hand a squeeze before standing up and grabbing the trashcan from the floor she leaves the room.

I sit there, totally speechless and with each passing moment I feel the growing urge to tell Shawn the truth about the kiss. I don’t know how much time goes by, but suddenly I reach the breaking point and pulling my phone out of my pocket I dial Shawn’s number.

I’m shaking my leg as I wait for him to pick up, and I only realize that it’s already midnight when he picks up and I hear his groggy voice. Jesus, I just woke him up, now he is going to hate me even more.

“Yes?” he says and I forget to breathe for a few seconds.

“Hey.”

“Is everything alright?” he asks in a confused tone and he must be thinking there’s an emergency.

“Yeah, I just… Can I come over? I-I want to talk about something.”

The line goes silent, I’m waiting for his answer, but it doesn’t come, so I check if the call is still on, but the numbers are changing relentlessly on the screen, showing how long the conversation has been going on.

“Okay.” He finally speaks up. “I’ll have Nick pick you up. Are you home?”

“No. I’ll text you the address.”

“Okay.”

The call ends and I need a few minutes to process what I just did and what I’m just about to do. I quickly text Shawn the address of the Nook and he replies back telling me Nick will be here in twenty minutes.

I use that time to collect my thoughts and figure out what I exactly want to tell him.

 “This is so stupid,” I mumble to myself, standing in the elevator on my way up to Shawn’s place. I’m nervous and anxious, like I’m fourteen again and I’m about to see my crush and I feel so stupid.

I reach his floor and the doors open. It’s night time now, and the whole place has a different vibe. The dim lighting brings the attention to the view that can be seen from the huge windows in the living room and as I walk into the apartment I stop and stare for a minute. It’s very relaxing.

“Hey.”

Shawn walks out of his bedroom wearing a white t-shirt and a pair of dark grey sweatpants, his hair is messier than the usual and I immediately feel bad for bothering him this late. I know he works a lot, he has other things to do, not just the ones we are doing together and God knows when he got home today and when he has to wake up tomorrow.

“Hi. I’m sorry for coming here so late,” I quietly say as I watch him walk over to the couch and sitting down he is looking at me, waiting for me to get to the point.

“It’s fine. What did you want to talk about?”

I take a deep breath, this whole situation feels so strange to me, I’m never like this and I don’t think I’ve been this nervous in the past years. I thought I’m past this part, but I guess this just confirms everything I’m about to say.

“I… I know I told you I’m sorry, but I figured out what I’m really sorry about.” There’s zero confidence in my voice and if anyone saw me like this they would ask if I’m feeling okay, because confidence is something I don’t lack usually.

He doesn’t say anything, just waits for me to elaborate.

“So I just wanted to say that I’m sorry that I was so harsh when I told Andrew about the kiss. I should have talked to you first and it was very rude from me. Also, I wanted to tell you that I lied. I didn’t kiss you just for the show, I kissed you because I wanted to and because for some reason I really like being with you and it really scared me. I guess this is why I said those things to Andrew. But having you ignoring me and seeing the disappointment in your eyes when you look at me is just… way worse. So please, can we go back to how we were before I messed everything up?"

I say everything at once, with one breath and when I’m done I feel like my knees are about to give up, but I’m so relieved that I immediately note to myself to thank Josie. Just telling Shawn all this made me feel so much better.

Neither of us moves, he is a complete statue as he is staring at me from the couch and as relieving as it was to blurt everything out his silence now is starting to worry me.

After what feels like an eternity he slowly gets up from the couch, slides his hands into his pockets and walks closer to me, so there’s only a few feet distance between us. I feel so small next to him as he is looking down at me and I can smell his shower gel from here. Damn it, I want to kiss him again now!

“So you want everything to go back to how it was?” he asks in a low voice and finally, I see a small smile hiding on his lips and I finally exhale after some long moments.

“It would be… really good,” I mumble nodding.

“Before the kiss or after and before our conversation with Andrew?” he arches an eyebrow.

In a blink of an eye I sober up from my Shawn-bliss and real life hits me hard in the chest. I know what he wants to hear and I wish I could say that, but I have to be realistic and not mess it up for myself.

“Shawn, I can’t,” I say and the smile disappears from his face. I already miss it.

“You can’t what?”

“I can’t let this happen. I want to, but I can’t.” Seeing the disappointment once again in his eyes is killing me. Especially because it’s me again who makes him feel this way. “My lifestyle is just not compatible with a relationship. And I hate to say this, but with you it would be even harder. I’m really sorry.”

“But have you tried? I mean, you said it yourself, you like being with me and it’s the same for me.”

I smile at him sadly shaking my head no.

“I can’t get attached to you because once the month is over… everything else is over too.”

“Who said? I want to see you after we are done,” he immediately says making my stomach flip.

“And you’d be fine with me being an escort in the meanwhile?”

“Why don’t you quit? You’re so smart, I’m sure you could do anything. I can help you get another job.”

I can’t tell him why I’m still stuck in this shitty job. I can’t make it his problem too, it’s all on me and under no circumstances would I share it with anyone. One ruined life is enough.

“I can’t,” I whisper shaking my head. “I want to say I’m sorry for kissing you in the first place, but… I don’t entirely regret it.” I smile at him sadly again and I want to kiss him so badly, but I hold myself back so I don’t make it worse.

He stays quiet for a long time, I just want to cup his face in my hands, he looks like a lost puppy. A tall lost puppy that’s making the butterflies in my stomach wake up from hibernation.

“Okay,” he finally says when he speaks up. “I respect your will, but I want to tell you one thing.” He looks me in the eye and my knees are getting weaker and weaker with each passing moment. “If you change your mind, just let me know. I’ll be here.”

  “Are you sure it’s not a problem? I mean, it’s your day off and everything.”

Elisa has asked this question a hundred times in the last half an hour and I can’t help, but roll my eyes at her at this point.

“Chill, it’s totally fine. I love the triplets and I can take care of them tonight.”

Her brother is traveling to DC tonight and asked Elisa to look after the kids, but her client asked her out for a business dinner as his partner. She wanted to cancel the dinner, but I know how badly she needs the extra money. So I offered to look after the kiddos tonight until she comes home.

“I seriously owe you one,” she hugs me from behind before rushing back to her room.

It’s Tuesday night, I haven’t left from home all day and I’m feeling pretty good about it. Yesterday I joined Shawn for another studio session, we had dinner together and a nice walk in Central Park. Things have gone back to normal, disappointed and sad Shawn is gone and I’m so happy we could talk things out. Do I still think about our kiss? Yes. Am I still crushing on him? Definitely. Will I act up on my feelings? Absolutely no. No way I’m ruining this perfect state we finally reached.

“Okay, they are here,” Elisa announces storming out of her room to the front door. “I’ll bring them up,” she says and she disappears.

A few minutes later, when the door opens three pair of little feet stomp into the place and turning around I see Jonathan, Riley and Callie run around in their matching tiny beanies. Blue for the only boy, Red for Riley and Yellow for Callie and it’s not just their hats, their entire outfits are usually color coded. It comes handy, because Riley and Callie look just the same with their curly angelic blonde hair and bright blue eyes. Jonathan is a bit different now that the girls have longer hair, but when they were both just growing their ‘dos out they looked just the same, as if someone copy pasted the same kid three times.

“Naya! Naya!” They start screaming when they see me and they are about to run up to me, but Elisa stops them immediately.

“Nuh-huh! Shoes off first!” She orders and they do as they were told. Once the shoes are off they jump on me on the couch, giggling and kissing my face like little puppies.

“Wow, you guys grew so much!” I gasp looking at them. “You want to watch something?” I ask and I reach for the laptop that I had out for this specific reason. They’ve been obsessed with the movie Coco ever since it came out last year, so I downloaded it for them knowing it would occupy them for the first two hours.

“Yes!” they scream in unison and take their seats on the couch as I turn the screen towards them and start the movie.

“Okay, food is in the fridge, Give them a bath when the movie is over and then it’s bed time, just put them to sleep in my bed. I’ll try to get home by midnight,” Elisa jabbers as she is putting on her coat covering up the tight green dress she is wearing.

“Got it.” I smile at her and she gives me a thankful look before kissing all three kids on the head.

“Listen to Naya and be good and I’ll make you pancake for breakfast!” she promises and earns some approving screams.

I join them in the movie night and I’m honestly thankful for Mike to have so good kids, because they don’t even look away from the screen the whole time. We are about halfway through the film when my phone starts ringing. I grab it from the kitchen counter and answers it without even checking who is calling.

“Yes?” I run my fingers through my hair as I glance over the kids, but they are under spell, staring at the screen without even moving.

“Hey, two questions. Are you home and are you busy right now?” I hear Shawn’s voice on the other end of the line.

“Uh, I am home but I’m kind of busy,” I scoff. “Why?”

“I have a dress my stylist chose for you to wear tomorrow. Is there any chance I can drop it off for you? I can be at the café in about ten minutes.”

“No way I can leave my home right now,” I say thinking how chaotic it would be if I left with three four-year-olds alone. “But… I’ll text you my address, you can drop by,” I say without even doubting the idea of giving my address out to him.

“Your address? Are you sure?” he asks and I can tell he is surprised.

“As I said, I can’t leave from home so yeah, I’m sure.”

“Well, okay. I’ll be there soon I guess.”

“Alright, bye.”

I quickly send him my exact address and go back to the little ones.

“Naya, I want cookies!” Riley demands adorably pouting her lips at me before I could sit down.

“Cookies? It’s too late for that, but I’ll check what your auntie left here for you guys.”

I open the fridge and see three plastic boxes with blue, red and yellow lids on them so I immediately know it’s for them. I take them out and peek inside to see some grilled chicken breasts with peas and mashed potatoes.

“So are you hungry kiddos?” I ask and they turn to me nodding rapidly.

I heat the dishes and bring them to the couch for them. Just when I’m done with handing the boxes out and about to join them the bell starts ringing.

“Who is it?” Callie asks with her mouth full of mashed potato.

“Just a friend. Don’t worry, eat,” I tell them as I head to the door.

“Can I have a spork?” Jonathan calls out holding up his baby fork in the cutest way.

“Just a moment sweetie,” I laugh as I open the door and Shawn is there, wearing a black hoodie with light washed ripped jeans, looking as handsome as always, holding a dress in that covering thingie that I have no idea what the name of.

“Spork! Spork!” Jonathan chants from the living room as I’m about to say hi. The child voice surprises Shawn and his smile disappears as a wide-eyed look takes its place.

“One minute, Jonathan!” I call back to him. “Come in,” I invite him inside and close the door behind him quickly rushing into the kitchen to get Jonathan his spork. Don’t ask me why we have sporks, we just do for some reason.

When I have it I quickly give it to him allowing him to turn his full attention back to the movie and his dinner. Turning around I see Shawn, still standing by the door as he has a confused look on his face.

“They are my flatmate’s nieces and nephew. I’m looking over them tonight because she has to work and their dad is on his way to DC right now,” I explain and his lips shape an O as the pieces get together in his head.

“Who are you?” Riley asks as she is peeking over the back of the couch.

“Um…” Shawn looks over at me, as if he is asking for permission to talk to her, and I nod my head smiling. “I’m Shawn, nice to meet you,” he tells and holds out his large hands for Riley, who claps her tiny one against it making him laugh.

“I’m Riley,” she announces before turning back to the movie.

“The other girl is Callie and the little boy is Jonathan.”

“The spork guy,” he chuckles making me laugh.

“Yeah. So is this the dress?” I ask pointing at the hanger he has in his hands.

“Oh, yes. Here.” I take it from him and pull the zipper to have a quick look at it. Seeing the white Chanel dress I want to ask how much it cost, but I swallow the question and quickly take it into my room. I hand it to my wardrobe not wanting to ruin it and when I come back to the living room Shawn is sitting on the couch and the kids are explaining the movie plot to him in their chaotic way.

“Understood?” Callie asks him seriously.

“Totally. I got everything, thank you.” He starts nodding, but looking at me I can see a cheeky smile hiding on his lips.

“Have you seen the movie?” I whisper to him.

“Yes, this is the only reason I understood what they told me.” We both laugh, but Jonathan hushes at us. “I think I should get going,” he whispers to me, but then Riley puts her empty food box to the table and climbs to Shawn’s lap, basically lying down on him as she has her eyes focused on the screen.

“I guess it’s a no from her,” I giggle and can’t not notice how adorable they look. I hold my phone up and quickly take a picture of them. When he notices he just smiles at me, but doesn’t says anything.

He refuses to bother Riley, so they stay like this until almost the end of the movie. It’s about the climax when she crawls off of him just to get down to the floor and get closer to the screen. This is when we carefully leave the coach and go to the kitchen.

“Do you want a drink?”

“Um, just water. I’m driving.”

I get a glass and pour some sparkly water for him. We stand there in silence, he is leaning against the dining table while I’m at the counter with my arms crossed on my chest. He empties the glass and puts it on the table next to him before turning to me with a smug smile on his face.

“What?”

“Nothing,” he shakes his head smiling. “It’s just… It’s the first time I see you with absolutely no makeup and in sweatpants and I still think you’re beautiful.”

I look down at my old sweats and overwashed once black now grey t-shirt and realize that this really is the first time he sees me like this. Because of the agreement I always make sure I look spotless, but his surprise visit and the triplets gave me no chance to clean myself up. I’m pretty sure I have yoghurt on my shirt from this morning.

“Stop,” I chuckle feeling myself blushing.

“Stop what?” he asks with an innocent smile, but he knows what I’m talking about.

“Stop flirting with me!”

“I never said I would stop showing affection.”

I open my mouth to retort but then the movie ends and the triplets go from zero to one hundred.

“Are we having a bath?”

“I want cookies!”

“I want a bubble bath!” they start chanting all at once and I’m forced to leave his comment without a reply.

“Yes, it’s bath time, so go get your towels from your backpacks!” I tell them and they immediately run to Elisa’s room just to return with their little night time pack, everyone with their own towel and pj’s, of course in their specific color.

“I want Shawn to help us bath!” Riley demand stomping her little foot against the floor. Shawn’s eyebrows raise and I laugh at him.

“I guess she is in love with you now,” I tell him as I shepherd the kiddos in the direction of the bathroom. Or at least try, because Riley refuses to move, she just stands there, staring up at Shawn.

“I want Shawn!” she orders with a pouty face and I know Shawn won’t be able to resist her.

So a few moments later all five of us are squeezed into the bathroom as I start running the water into the tub and the triplets undress and crawl into the tub while Shawn sits down to the floor next to the tub so Riley can see that he didn’t leave. I squeeze some shower gel into the water to create some foam.

“You know, you don’t have to stay. I’m sure she’ll understand if you leave,” I tell him as we are sitting on the floor, making sure they don’t do anything.

“It’s fine,” he shrugs his shoulder. “I like kids.”

“And they seem to like you,” I smile at him as Riley sprinkles water at his face giggling.

“Oh, young lady, what was that?” he asks with a dramatic frown before lightly splashing back at her, making her laugh even harder.

I can’t deny it, this is the cutes thing I’ve seen in a while. Shawn starts playing with them, and even though he tugged his hoodie’s sleeves up he is all vet now because Riley keeps splashing him. And suddenly I’m feeling everything I promised I wouldn’t feel again, but here they are! These damn butterflies are dancing in my stomach again.

“Naya?” Jonathan asks suddenly, tilting his head to the side as he is eyeing me with a suspicious look.

“Yes?”

“Is Shawn your husband?” he asks and my mouth hangs open while Shawn just starts laughing.

“N-No he is not. Why w-would you ask that?”

“Because he has heart eyes,” Callie says in a serious tone as she collects some foam into her tiny hands.

“Heart eyes? What does that mean?” Shawn asks with a grin on his face.

“You have little hearts in your eyes when you look at Naya.” Callie points at his face and I really can’t believe they just said this.

“Well, no, he is not my husband. We are…” I can’t finish the sentence and looking at Shawn I know he is just waiting for the end, but it just doesn’t come so he helps me out.

“We are friends.”

They don’t care about it any longer, they quickly get distracted from the conversation when Riley throws foam at Jonathan.

Once all three kiddos are clean we dry them, Riley especially asks for Shawn’s assistance for dressing up, and when everyone is ready we move to Elisa’s room who has already put out three pillows for them, so they can sleep sideways on her bed.

“Shawn, will you be here for breakfast? Elisa is making us pancakes!” Callie grins at him from under the blanket.

“I’m sorry, but we have to postpone having breakfast together. Maybe at another time.” He pouts his lips at her and God, he is such a puppy!

It takes some time to get them to sleep, but after Shawn sings them a lullaby and makes me yearn for him even more the triplets finally fall asleep so we tiptoe out of the room and I close the door.

“I’m sorry you got trapped here for hours,” I laugh when I see that it’s already eleven and he got here around eight.

“Are you kidding? I’m happy I stayed here,” he laughs. “I got to spend more time with you.”

“Um, just to make it clear, I hope you won’t misuse that you now know my address and please keep it to yourself,” I say getting serious for a moment.

“No, don’t worry. I’ll keep picking you up at the café if you want.”

“That would be nice,” I smile at him thankfully.

We stand there for a few moments, not knowing what should come next, and I realize that I don’t want him to leave. I thought having him here would feel weird and out of place, but now that he is here I just want him to stay for the night, I want to cuddle him and I don’t even think how far it is from all the boundaries I’ve been trying not to cross.

“Well, I guess I should head home.” He scratches the back of his neck and I start panicking as he takes a step towards the door. I know if I asked him to stay he would but Elisa can’t find him here. So stepping closer to him I do the one thing that comes to my mind.

Cupping his face in my hands I pull him down and kiss him.

It takes a few moments before he opens his mouth and kisses me back, wrapping his arms around me, but then I feel a smile on his lips. I put my arms around his neck, pressing myself against him tight as possible and the butterflies in my stomach are basically blowing up at this point. My fingers run through his hair and I get a hold of it just to pull his face closer until it’s impossible to reduce the distance between us.

His hands slide lower and lower on my body until he can get a grab of my thighs and lift me up into his arms. I immediately wrap my legs around his waist and I feel that he starts walking, but I don’t open my eyes. Soon he puts me on top of something and I’m guessing it’s the dining table.

My rational self totally disappears as I grab onto his hoodie and start pulling it off of him. Our lips part for a second while he pulls the hoodie off and throws it to the ground, leaving him only in a white sleeveless shirt. I slide my hands to his upper arms and feeling his skin under mine is just pure bliss at this point. I’ve been thinking about it for so long, my senses are over the top.

He starts kissing my jawline and my neck, but he doesn’t rushes to get the clothes off of me and I guess this sobers me up. I shouldn’t be doing this, or at least not now. The triplets are sleeping in Elisa’s room who is going to be soon. I have to stop this before I get carried away.

“Shawn,” I breathe out and gently push him away. His hair is messy from my touch, his lips are swollen but he still looks flawless. “The kids… I can’t.”

He doesn’t question it, just nods his head as we are both breathing heavily. I can’t stop myself from tracing small figures along his jawline with my finger as he has his arms on both side of me on the table. When he finally looks at me I see that secret smile on his lips.

“I love kissing you,” he whispers making me blush.

“Yeah?”

“Mhm,” he nods biting into his bottom lip.

“Then how come out of the two times we kissed I initiated both of them?” I ask jokingly, but his answer hits me hard in the chest.

“I don’t want to ever risk making you do something you don’t want. Judging from the bathroom incident you’ve had some rough experiences and I don’t want to be another one, this is why I always waited until you took the first step.”

I stare at him in disbelief and I can almost feel myself tearing up. He has no idea how much these words means to me, so instead of saying anything I just lean closer and place a soft and short kiss on his lips.

“Thank you,” I smile at him, our faces only inches away. “From now, just kiss me whenever you want.”

He raises his eyebrows at me in surprise and I just shrug with a playful smile.

“It’s not fair I’m the only one who gets to steal a kiss whenever I want to.” I bite into my bottom lip as a wide smile grows on his face and leaning closer he pecks my lips a few times before breaking apart from me.

“I really should get going,” he sighs grabbing his hoodie from the floor while I jump off the table. “I’ll see you tomorrow, Fleur”

We walk to the door and he opens it steps out to head down the stairs, but I stop him.

“Shawn?” He stops and turns back waiting for me to continue. I take a deep breath before speaking up. “Call me Naya.”

He smiles at me nodding and then turns around and disappears from my view. I close the door smiling to myself.

-

CAN YOU FEEL THE FEELS AWWW

i love fluffs

[livingforshawnscurls]

I’m So Sorry (We’re Still Stuck in The Middle) | Shawn Mendes | 3

Series Masterlist

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3.

“So, I’m a bitch that tricked you into getting her pregnant?” Shawn had barely entered the room when the accusation was tossed at him.

He rolled his eyes, completely ignoring the existence of the mother of his unborn child until he’d found his seat across hers on the huge table. Then he looked up.

She didn’t look any different than what she had, three months back. Except―she did. Her eyes looked puffy, from crying or sleeplessness, he hadn’t a clue. But judging by the purple smudges under them, it seemed to be the latter. Her face looked tired and waxy.

But she was still one of the most beautiful women he’d ever seen.

Shawn ground his teeth together, tossing that last thought out of his head. She was an ugly person from the inside, and it had taken him a bit too long to realise that.

“I was angry,” he stated as means of explanation to her violently exclaimed statement. “Didn’t really think about what I was saying.” He shrugged a shoulder. “Although, I really do not know how this happened. I used protection.”

She looked about ready to burst. “Protection fails sometimes, Shawn! What the hell makes you think that I would willingly do something like this?”

It felt like a slap against his face, but Shawn tried to not let it show. She’d never loved him. Of course.

“And I wasn’t the one who leaked the news to media. It was a friend’s girlfriend.” 

Yeah, okay, that was bullshit. Her attorney gave her a look―something akin sympathy...or guilt?―and she gave the older guy a tiny nod. Shawn shook his head. “Right. Of course. Do you take me for a fool?”

Well, duh, of course she did! Look at what she left him with, four years back… 

She huffed out a breath. “It wasn’t me, Shawn.”

Andrew cleared his throat, and Shawn looked his way to notice that Lucas―his attorney―had entered the room, too.

“Shall we begin?” her attorney questioned, and shook hands with Lucas.

“Of course.”

Shawn cleared his throat. “So, how much did they pay you?”

She shook her head, blinking rapidly. “Excuse me, did you...did you really just ask what they paid me? Oh, God, I told you it wasn’t me, Shawn! I didn’t breathe a word about this to anyone! And the only person that found out, went ahead and screwed it up! Why the hell wouldn’t you believe it?” she cried out, her eyes―the beautiful orbs he’d once fallen in love with―shone with fierce anger. Her attorney winced.

Shawn scoffed. “Right. Believe you? Just like that? Well, I don’t know if you remember, sweetheart, but I did try that once. It kinda didn’t end too well for me. So… I’m sorry, but I’d rather not take that chance, again.”

She looked hurt, burt Shawn resolutely ignored the watery sheen that covered her reddened eyes.

“Shawn,” Andrew grunted from his seat next to him. “Stop with the past, already. This is about now, and the future.”

“Yes, exactly. Mister Lucas,” her attorney addressed his attorney, tiredly raking a hand through his greying hair, “would you please?”

Lucas extended Shawn’s files, complete with all the details of the rights on the child that he wished to detain and to give up.

“It says, here, that he wishes to check up on you once, every month, till the baby is born. Does that sit well with you, Y/N?” the attorney questioned her.

Her lips pursed, and she shook her head. “No, it does not, William. I’m an adult―I can take care of myself and the baby. I don’t need any intervention in the name of checking up.”

“Mister Lucas?” William asked, again.

Lucas turned to Shawn, troubled. “Sir?”

Andrew rolled his eyes when Shawn shook his head. “Oh, for God’s sake, Shawn! Mister Lucas, we could make it once every three months.”

“No, we―”

“Yes, we could!” Andrew cut Shawn’s protest off. “Mister Lucas?”

Lucas raised his eyebrows at William, and William turned to her. “Y/N?”  She shut her eyes and nodded. “Alright, Mister Lucas. Agreed. Now, onto point number two…”

The battle had gone on for over an hour, and you were beyond tired when William finally guided you out of the office, and out the back exit.

You turned to give him a tired smile. “Thank you so much for doing this, William.”

The older man smiled down at you, patting your shoulder. “Of course, Y/N. You’re Diane’s best friend. Practically like a daughter to me.”

You smiled again, and made a beeline for the cab waiting for you. Settling in, you nodded to the driver to make a move, and then relax against the plush seat.

You were really lucky to have Diane’s dad stepping to help you. Poor Diane had been extremely guilty about the entire leaking thingy Lilly did, and insisted that you let her help with the least she could. You were in need of an attorney, and you felt like your stars had favored you when Diane revealed that her dad was a lawyer.

You released a deep breath, shutting your eyes as you thought back to the agreement you’d made.

Shawn, as opposed to what you’d believed, didn’t want an out from the baby’s life. He wished to civilly coparent with you. He was pretty bitter about out all of it, too, claiming that he’d been thinking of the child’s welfare, while you were busy outing the news to the paps.

You rolled your eyes. He didn’t believe you. It was as if he’d lost all the trust in you―let alone the love he’d claimed to have―and swapped it with unadulterated hate.

Too bad you couldn’t reciprocate it.

You breathed in. You still weren’t over him; you might never be, now that he was becoming such an unavoidable part of your life. You sometimes wished you’d handles things differently. Maybe things wouldn’t have gone south the way you’d thought. Maybe things would have actually been alright. But… you didn’t give yourself a chance to ponder over that as you’ taken a rash decision.

Sometimes you regretted that decision.

Sometimes you missed him―missed the time when you had him.

Tags: @yourwonderbelle

note: this isn't edited. also, flashbacks come in, next chapter!