#Should probably develop a consistent way for me to write that down. But alas...

[nikknamed]

There's also 2 more rats free in the building. Not sure if they considered the plot point cleared after that wet cat kills rat event or whether they'll reappear. But... Keepin a lookout.

[scorpionyx9621]

Do you think Jason Todd fandom is kinda toxic? Because it seems like NO MATTER what DC do, there'll always be complains. Forget the bad adaptation like Titans. Even Judd Winick cannot escape the criticism with how he potrayed Robin!Jason. They just never satisfied.

SORRY, IT TOOK ME SO LONG TO RESPOND TO THIS. I just moved from Washington D.C. to Seattle, which, for my non-American friends, that's 4442km away. And I DROVE THERE ALL BY MYSELF. And now I'm trying to find new work in a new city and trying to stay mentally healthy and positive. Life is exciting but hard and scary.

*sighs*

As someone who was a fandom elder with V*ltr*n. I've seen some of the worst when it comes to fandom behavior. I'm talking people baking food with shaving razors and trying to give them to the showrunners. I'm talking leaking major plot details and refusing to take it down unless they make their ship canon (I am looking at you, Kl*nce stans) For the most part, DC Comics has had a decades-long reputation of treating their fans like trash and not caring what they think so from what I've seen, we all just grumble and complain in our corners of the internet about how we don't like how X comic portrays Jason Todd.

The challenge with Jason Todd is that he's your clinical anti-hero, the batfamily's Draco in Leather Pants, he's a jerkass woobie, and on top of all of that, he's a Tumblr sexyman. It's a perfect storm for a very fun but frustrating character to be a fan of. It doesn't help that every writer decides to re-invent the wheel every time Jason comes up so his canon lore is confusing at best and inconsistent as a standard.

I guess starting with a general brief on who Jason is and what is uniform about him with every instance he's appeared in comics/media.

Grew up in a poor family in Gotham with a dad who was a petty-mid-level criminal, and a mother who dies of a drug overdose.

Survives on the street on his own by committing petty crimes and potentially even engaging in sexual acts to keep himself alive.

Is cornered by Batman and taken in after Dick Grayson quits/is fired

Becomes the second Robin, but is known for being the harsher, more brutal Robin.

Is killed by Joker after being tortured, but somehow comes back to life and regains senses through the Lazarus Pit

Resolves himself to be better than Batman by basically being Batman but kills people.

Where there has been a lot of conflict in the fandom is the fact that Jason Todd is not a character that is written consistently. DC Comics loves to go with the narrative that Jason was "bad from the start" and was the "bad robin" when, yes, he has trouble controlling his anger, but he also still is just as invested in seeing the best of Gotham City and trying to be a positive change for the world as any other DC Comics hero.

Where I get frustrated with the fandom is its ability to knit-pick every detail of a comic they don't like while completely disregarding everything that makes the comics great and worth it to read. My example being Urban Legends. To which most people had pretty mixed reactions to. I was critical of the comic at first but as it went along I ended up really liking it. I have a feeling DC Comics went to Chip Zdarsky and told him he had 6 issues to bring Jason back into the Bat Family, and honestly he didn't do a bad job. Did it feel rushed? Absolutely. I wish there was more development of Jason and Bruce's characters and their dynamic as a whole. However, where I see a lot of people being angry and upset with Urban Legends is that they feel Zdarsky needlessly wrote Jason as an incompetent fool who needs Bruce to save him.

Whether or not that was the intention of Zdarsky is up to debate. However, and this may be controversial, but I don't think he wrote Jason Todd out of character at all. For as fearsome, intimidating, and awesome as Red Hood is. Jason is a character who is absolutely driven by his emotions. Why do you think he donned the role of Red Hood? As a response to his anger towards The Joker for killing him, and towards Bruce for not taking action against The Joker and for seemingly replacing him so quickly after he died. Jason didn't care about being the murderous Robin Hood or for being the bloody hammer of justice against N*zi's and P*d*ph*les. He only cared originally about making The Joker and Bruce pay. It wasn't until he trained under the best assassins in the world and realized most of them were horrific criminals who trafficked children and were p*dos that Talia began to realize that the teachers that she sent Jason to train under started dying horrific and painful deaths.

The entire story of the Cheer story in Batman Urban Legends was started because it finally forced some consequences upon Jason. Tyler, aka Blue Hood's father was a drug dealer who gave his supply to his wife and kids. And when Tyler's father admitted he gave the drugs to Tyler, it immediately made him fall within the self-imposed philosophical kill-list of Jason Todd. And Jason, well, he proceeds to kill Tyler's father. When this happens, Jason is in shock. Tyler's dad fit the bill to easily and justifiably be killed by Jason. We've never seen Jason having to deal with the consequences of being a murderous vigilante on a micro-level. When Jason realizes what he's done in that he's murdered Tyler's dad, he's shocked. He tells Babs the truth. He does a rational thing because he's in shock. He doesn't know what to do, he never has had to face the consequences of his actions as Red Hood and now the gravity of befriending a child as a vigilante hero who kills people just set in when he killed the father of the same child he was just introduced to.

(Oh here's a little aside because it had to be said, Jason would not have been a good father or a good mentor to Tyler and absolutely should not have been his new Robin. Jason is a man who is in his early 20's (not saying men in their early 20's can't be good fathers at all) who is a brutal serial killer using the guise of a vigilante anti-hero to let him escape most of the law. the complications of having the man who murdered your father adopt you and make you his sidekick are way too numerous for me to explain in a long-winded already heavy Tumblr essay post. There's a reason why we don't advocate for a story where Joe Chill adopted Bruce Wayne or one where Tony Zucco took in Dick Grayson.)

The next biggest argument is that they feel that Jason is giving up his guns as a means to just be invited back into the Bat-Family. To which I will tell anyone who has that argument to go actually read Urban Legends. Already have and still have that argument? Please re-read it. Don't want to? That's okay, I will paste the images from the comic where Jason specifically says that he doesn't want to give up his weapons for Bruce and his real reasoning down below since the comic isn't exactly readily accessible.

Jason gave up the guns because he felt the gravity of what he had done and knows how it'll effect Tyler. Thankfully his mom is alive and in recovery. But Tyler doesn't have a father anymore. And Jason killed Tyler's father. It may have been in accordance to Jason's philosophy, but it was a case where it blurred the lines. Jason Todd isn't a black and white character, just very dark gray. He doesn't kill aimlessly like the Joker. If you are on Jason's list you probably have done something pretty horrific, and also just in general, being in his way or being a threat to him. Mind you, in early days of Red Hood and the Outlaws (Image below) Jason almost killed 10 innocent civilians in a town in Colorado all because they saw him kill a monster. That being said, Jason isn't aimless in his kills.

(Also can we just take a moment to appreciate Kenneth Rocafort's art? DC Comics said we need to rehabilitate Jason Todd's image and Kenneth Rocafort said hold my beer: It's so SO GOOD)

That being said, the key emphasis in the story of Cheer asides from trying to introduce Jason Todd back into the Bat Family and give an actual purpose for him being there, other than him just kind of being there ala Bowser every time he shows up for Go Kart racing, Tennis, Golf, Soccer, and the Olympic games when Mario invites him, is that Jason and Bruce ultimately both want the same thing. Jason wants to be welcomed back into the family and to be loved and appreciated. Bruce want's Jason back as his son and wants to love and protect Jason. Both of these visions are shown in the last chapter of Cheer while under the effect of the Cheer Gas. It's ultimately this love and appreciation they both have for each other that helps them overcome their challenge and win.

Jason Todd is a character who, just like Bruce, has been through so much pain and so much hate in his life. The two are meant to parallel each other. While Bruce chose to see the best in everyone, giving every rogue in his gallery the option to be helped and give them a second chance, hence why he never kills, Jason has a similar view on wanting to protect the public, but he understands that some crimes are so heinous they cannot be forgiven, or that some habitual criminals are due to stay habitual criminals, and need to be put down. But at the end of the day, the two of them both try to protect people in their own ways.

I am aware that through the writings of various DC Comics authors such as Scott Lobdell and Judd Winick, the two have had a very tumultuous relationship. And rightfully so, I am by no means saying that Scott Lobdell writing an arc where Bruce literally beats Jason to within an inch of his life in Red Hood and the Outlaws, nor Judd Winick's interpretation of Under the Red Hood where Bruce throws the Batarang at Jason's neck, slicing his throat and leaving him ambiguously for dead at the end of the comic is appropriate considering DC Comics seems to be trying everything they can to integrate Jason back into the family. That being said, a lot of these writings have shaped the narrative of Jason and Bruce's relationship and have an integral effect on the way the fandom views the two. It doesn't help that Zdarsky acknowledged Lobdell's life-beating of Jason by Bruce at the very end of Cheer by having Bruce give Jason his old outfit back as a means of mending the fence between the two of them. That does complicate a lot of things in terms of how they are viewed by the fandom and helps to cause an even greater divide between the two.

Regardless, I want to emphasize the fact that Jason Todd is a part of the family of his own accord. Yes, he's quite snarky and deadpan in almost every encounter. However, Jason is absolutely a part of the family and has been for a while of his own will. There's a great moment in Detective Comics that emphasizes this. Jason cares about his family because it is his found family. Yes, they may be warry about him and use him as a punching back and/or heckle him. At the end of the day, we're debating the family dynamics of a fictional playboy billionaire vigilante whose kleptomania took the form of adopting troubled children and turning them into vigilante heroes. Jason Todd wants a family that will love and support him. This is a key definition of his character at its most basic. This was proven during the events of Cheer and is being reenforced by DC Comics every time they get the opportunity to do so.

Now, none of this is to say that I hate Judd Winick. I do not, I don't like the fact that in all of his writings of Jason, he just writes him as a dangerous psychopath, and Winick himself admits to seeing Jason as nothing much more than a psychopath. Yet Winick is the one who the majority of the fandom clings to as the one true good writer of Jason Todd because 'Jason was competent, dangerous, smart' Listen, friends, Jason is all of that and I will never deny it. However, what I love about Jason isn't that he's dangerously smart of that writers either write him as angsty angry Tumblr sexyman bait or that they write him as an infantile man child with a gun. There's a large contention of this fandom that has an obsession with Jason Todd being this vigilante gunman who is hot and sexy and while I definitely get the appeal. It is very creepy and downright disturbing that all of you hyperfixate on his use of guns and ability to be a murderer. It is creepy and I'm not necessarily here for it.

What I love about Jason Todd is that despite all of the pain, all of the heartache, all of the betrayal, and bullying, and death, and anguish. Jason Todd is one of the most loving and supportive characters in all of DC Comics. Jason has been through so much in his life, but he still chooses to love. He still chooses to see the bright side in people. Yes, he takes a utilitarian approach and chooses to kill certain villains, but at the end of the day he wants to see a better world, and he wants to be loved. It takes so much courage and so much heart to learn to love again after one has been abused or traumatized. I would not blame Jason at all if he said fuck it and just went full solo and vigilante evil. He has every right to, but he still chooses to be with the Bat Family of his own accord. That's something that I see a lot of in myself. I have been through a lot of trauma and yet I try to be a better person myself in any way that I can. It is extremely admirable of Jason to allow love back into his heart when he really doesn't need to. He kills and he protects because he has this love of society. It may have been shaped by anger and hatred, but Jason has found his place amongst people who love him and value him. I think Ducra, from Red Hood and the Outlaws put it best in the image given below.

To end this tangent, I love Jason Todd and all of his sexy dangerousness, but it's far more than that. As much as Jason may be dangerous and snarky, he loves his family without a shadow of a doubt. I look up to Jason Todd because despite all of his pain and all of his trauma, he still choses to love. Jason Todd is a character who is someone I love because despite all of his flaws and having a very toxic fandom, he still serves as a character filled with so much heart and so much passion. I wish more writers would understand that. But for now I will live with what I have. Even though the fandom may be vocal about it's hatred for his characterization, I choose to love Jason regardless because he is a character who chooses love and acceptance regardless of his pain. Jason Todd is by no means a good person in any sense of the word. He has easily killed upwards of 100 people by now. He is a character who is flawed and complex but ultimately is one who powers forwards and finds love and heart in a place from so much pain and anguish. That is what I love about Jason Todd. After all, to quote a famous undead robot superhero, "What is grief, if not love persevering?" Jason Todd chooses to love despite all of the trauma and pain and grief. Yes, he is hardened in his exterior, but inside there is a man with a lot of love to give and someone who deserves the world in my eyes.

[unnecessarywriting]

Rainy Day Confessions - Harry Potter

Harry Potter x reader

A/N: I am happy to be back writing here. Please let me know what you think and send me requests. I have changed the list so check before you request. Thank you!! Also no Cho hate here, it just fit for the storyline.

Rainy Day Confessions

You know, crushing on someone is harsh. The heart beats harder in your chest at every glance; your cheeks heat up at the sound of a laugh. When your eyes meet, you forget the most basic instinct: to breathe. When it is one-sided, it’s more painful. Each glance is just passing; each laugh is because of someone else. Even the meeting of irises and pupils is just coincidence. These thoughts pass though your head and cause the ache that weighs on your soul. His eyes shine like emeralds, and his laugh is the hum of an innocent bee. Of course these observations are some that many have made before me. Most of these others have been more successful on their advances at staking claim to the one their hearts belong too. 

Monday has consisted of classes with the one who you have been falling for. He, of course, thought that talking back to the pink toad herself was wise and wound up in another detention. You sat in the back of the class waiting patiently for her insufferable voice to stop screeching in your ears. You were doodling on your parchment when she made her way to your desk.

“Miss Y/L/N!”

You looked up in annoyance and surprise.

“If you are so insistent on not paying attention in my class, you can spend time reflecting in detention tonight.” Of course you had detention with her, and of course it had to be with him.

The end of class came with the end of the day, which meant that detention was awaiting you. You walked towards the pink hell, and awaited for your courage to knock on the door. Her shrill voice told you to come in, and as you entered, your heart dropped. You were alone. Never had you been alone with this woman before, and that was enough to strike fear into your body. Silently, you sat at the table, and in front of you sat the infamous quill. You had detention with her once before, and you could recall the pain it that quill can cause. You sat in silence until you heard a knock at the door. He walked in and sat across from you with a matching quill.

“Mr. Potter, you shall write ‘I shall not talk back’ and Ms. Y/L/N, you shall write ‘I shall not be distracted’ until the messages sink in.” The both of you nodded and began to work. 

A half an hour passed, and the first drop of blood fell from your hand. Another twenty minutes passed before you were both let free. You walked slightly faster, hoping you could make it to your dorm before any tears fell. You weren’t sad, just in pain. Harry tried to keep up with your pace. You could tell as the sound of his footsteps increased. 

“Y/L/N! Hold on a minute.” You slowed down at the sound of your name. You didn’t respond, you just slowed your steps.

“Are you okay?” He sounded sincere, but you knew he would be this way with anyone who shared that experience with him. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine. Now, I kinda need to get to my dorm and start working on that potions essay. Goodnight Potter.” How you wanted to use his first name, but you weren’t close enough for that.

As you made your way into your dorm room, you wanted to hit yourself on the head for being so dismissive. You weren’t nervous about talking to Harry, you just didn’t want him to see your vulnerable side. The last thing you wanted was for the boy you were crushing on to pity you and think that you were weak. Alas, there is nothing you could do about it. That night you went to bed with a few tear stains, and a throbbing hand. 

The next morning you woke up feeling a little defeated. The events of the night before still weighing in your mind. You got up and pulled yourself to breakfast with the promise of some delicious jam. You sat alone. You had friends, plenty of them in fact, but you just wanted to enjoy some solitude and be left to your drowsy thoughts. Throughout your time at breakfast, you felt eyes on you. Quite frankly, you wished it was your crush, but there was no way he would feel the same. It turns out you were right. Before you left the great hall to make your way to Charms class, you glanced around the hall and saw the eyes of those that bore into your skull. It was none other than Hermione Granger. Why she was watching you was unbeknownst to you, but you didn’t want to dwell on it.

Charms class was interesting and fun. It allowed you to focus on something other than your own thoughts. Flitwick was always a joy to be around, and he gave you a lot of house points as you often excelled. The only real competition you had was Hermione in this class, but she didn’t seem to mind that you were great in that class.  As the class was ending, your brain started to go back to the events of the nights before. You felt a little guilty about being so dismissive, and your hand was still in pain. You decided that you should apologize to Harry at dinner.

A few hours later you walked into the hall with confidence, but as soon as you saw him with his friends at the Gryffindor table, you panicked and walked in the other direction. You sat at the table thinking about when to talk to him, and what to say. Eventually, your thoughts were interrupted by a tap on your shoulder.

“Harry told me about your detention last night. Are you sure you’re alright?” It was Hermione.

“Yeah Granger. I’ll be fine. My hand still hurts, but it’ll heal eventually.” You offered her a small smile.

“Well, I just wanted to make sure. We both know how evil that toad is. Harry was also worried about you.” She gave a cheeky smile as if to tell me she knew all of my secrets. 

“Actually Hermione,” this was your chance, “can you actually tell Harry I’m sorry for being so rude last night? I’ve been feeling pretty guilty about it, and I really don’t want him to think it was about him. I honestly was just overwhelmed.” You looked down, slightly ashamed that you couldn’t just say that to him yourself. 

“You know, you could always tell him yourself.” She gave you a knowing look. “But, I guess I can do you this favor. Enjoy the rest of your evening, and don’t hesitate to come over to us next time.” She offered a playful wink and walked back to where Ron and Harry sat. Of course she noticed your feelings. Clearly, you have been a bit too obvious. 

The next day came too fast. And it went almost as quickly. After dinner, you wandered the halls before curfew. You contemplated going to the astronomy tower, but you thought that was too obvious. Someone was most likely there, and it was most likely Malfoy himself. You decided to enjoy the fall weather and wandered the courtyard. Eventually you sit down by a tree and just close your eyes. The silence was rejuvenating. The chaos of classes and the continued noise in the common room often left little time for relaxation. This was the best way to decompress. Not too long later, a cough brought you to your senses. 

“You know, your dorm may be a better place to sleep. You’re also less likely to get sick.” I knew exactly who it was. I sighed and kept my eyes close. Maybe if I don’t look at him, I can keep my composure.

“At least here, I don’t have to listen to the first and second years experimenting with Weasley products. Plus, the weather is perfect for a nap. I could sleep the rest of the year away, and I might as well if the pink toad is going to be around.” We sat in silence for a moment. Eventually, Harry spoke up.

“How’s your hand? You were bleeding a lot.” I let out an empty laugh in response.

“I’m heavy-handed I guess. How’s yours?” I heard a shifting noise next me, but I didn’t think twice about it.

“As well as to be expected. Listen, you had nothing to apologize for. I get it, she can be a lot. By the way, you call me Harry. There’s no reason for formalities.” At this point I could feel his eyes on me.

“Well, it’s not like we’re really friends,” I countered. 

“You call Hermione by her first name, and I didn’t think you were friends either,” he pushed.

“I talk to her. More than I talk to you. If it’s any consolation I would probably refer to Ron as Weasley, well, maybe not if he was surrounded by the twins too.” I started to get up, but I felt his hand lightly grab my wrist.

“Then call this the start of a friendship. Now, you have no reason to not call me by my name.” I shook my head in response and began to walk away.

“Goodnight Potter,” I murmured to myself, but Harry heard it with a small smile on his face. 

When Thursday came around, you felt great. Of course, your hand was still sore, but emotionally you felt good. You had managed to keep your emotions in check when talking to Harry last night, and you even managed to act a little more like yourself. On your way to the great hall for breakfast, you had a bit of pep in your step. You made your way to the table when you noticed that Harry was sitting over by where you were known to sit. Hermione and Ron were in their usual spots, but they were constantly looking over at Harry with smirks plastered on their faces. 

“Should I even bother asking why you’re here Potter?”

“Well, I think I should sit with my new friend, don’t you?” He was too cocky for his own good.

You shook your head in response. Maybe he won’t end up developing the same type of emotions for you, but the least you can do is make a friend out of him. Your chats that morning were friendly. Your heart continued to beat a little harder in your chest, but you did the best you could to keep your emotions in check. Throughout the day, you would catch Harry around you. Sometimes he was in the same room, or you were just passing by each other more often, but he became more prominent in your daily activities.

You were spending more time with him, and his friends in the weeks following. Hermione made a good study partner, and Ron was actually pretty funny to be around, but you couldn’t get past these feelings in your chest whenever you looked at Harry or heard his voice. You were grateful to have a friendship with him at all, but the more you got to know about him, the harder you started to fall. At some point, you even considered a mutual interest, but that was soon crushed. 

Cho Chang. A better match for Harry. You knew that he had some interest in her the year prior, but you thought that it was over. How wrong you were. It was a Hogsmeade day, and you looked forward to spending the day with some of your other friends. Fun was the best way to describe the first part of your trip. You made the necessary stops at Honeydukes and Zonko’s, and then you made your way to the Three Broomsticks for some Butterbeer. Things were going great. Your conversations were lively and it was nice to not have to push away your emotions. It wasn’t until you looked over your shoulder that your heart stopped. No, not in the good way, where everything around you stops too and everything suddenly gains meaning. No, this was the time that you hoped that it would never start again. The two of them sat, with butterbeers and laughs. Her hand on his arm, his smile bright. You turned back to your friends and painted a smile to your face. Just make it through the day.

When you finally got back to the dorm, you sat on your bed and looked at the wall. You weren’t thinking, just feeling. Should you go to dinner? That was the question that ate away at you for an hour. You opted that it would only make sense to go and ignore the voice in the back of your head that reminded you of all of your insecurities. So, you wandered through the halls until you reached the great hall. You took a deep breath and walked over to your friends from earlier. This earned three pairs of eyes to stay glued to your presence. The past few weeks, you spent your meals with the trio, but today, you couldn’t bring yourself to sit with them. Dinner was uneventful, thankfully, and you made your way back to the dorms where you would stay until Monday.

Your first class was History of Magic, and you chose to focus intently on the lesson. This continued in all of your classes, until you entered Defense Against the Dark Arts. Your head hurt from your thoughts trying to sting at the hippocampus of your brain. The pink toad’s ramblings eventually set you off. You got up without a word and walked out of the class. When she asked where you were going, you replied, “Anywhere else but here,” which she responded with, “Tonight, my office.” You figured detention was going to happen. It was inevitable, but you could care less at this point. You had been trying so hard to turn off your head and your emotions, that it didn’t matter what was going to happen.

That night, Umbridge held you for longer than normal. She must’ve been very angry with your sudden departure. When you left her office, your hand was dripping onto your uniform. You made your way to your common room, as silently as you could. That night, you could only think of and feel the pain from your hand.

The next morning, your hand was still bleeding. There was nothing you could do about it other than wrapping it up. At breakfast you sat alone, until he appeared in front of you.

“Do you wanna tell me what’s been wrong?” He sounded almost accusatory. 

“I would rather eat my breakfast. Alone.” He flinched at your tone, but he didn’t move. Instead, he looked at your bandaged hand, where the blood seeped through the white cloth. He sighed knowing how bad the pain must be. You both ate in silence, until Cho Chang made her way to where you two were. You chose to block out her annoyingly nice voice. It was clear she was flirting, and Harry was clearly falling into her words. You got up and left as quickly as possible and went to charms. 

Another week passed, except the trio had done everything they could to get you to go back to being friends with them. You studied with Hermione occasionally, but you cut your sessions short when she started questioning your behavior. One night, however, you took a break and started wandering the halls. Somehow, he found you. You sat, looking out the window in peace, when he caught your attention.

“You know, it’s unfair that you think you can just play with people’s emotions.” You were caught off guard by his statement. You stayed silent, however, not knowing how to respond.

“I thought we were friends Y/N. We had so much fun together, and I actually enjoyed spending time with you. You’re amazing to talk to, and you’re pretty funny too, which makes this all so confusing. Why? Why won’t you talk to me? To Ron? You barely talk with Hermione anymore. This is just selfish. If you didn’t want to be friends, you should’ve just said so. It would’ve saved us all the time.” He went to walk away after you didn't respond.

“Is that all I am to you? A waste of your time? You’re right. I was being selfish, but so were you.” You looked him in the eyes, and your heart started to tear itself into pieces. He was hurt, confused, and it appeared to you that he was disgusted with the sight of you. You walked away before any tears could fall.

What you didn’t know is that Hermione and Ron were watching this encounter from afar. To Hermione, it was clear what happened. Ron was unaware. That night in the common room, Hermione explained her thoughts to the boys. You liked Harry. That was clear to her before you became friends, and Harry had developed feelings for you along the way. But why did you back off? That was the question that needed some investigation. By the morning, Hermione figured out what happened. She tried to explain it to Harry, but he denied his feelings for the girl, but with some persuasion, he considered it as a possibility. He didn’t have time to really think about what she meant to him because he had quidditch practice.

You, on the other hand, were stuck in a place of guilt. You hurt him. You were selfish. If he wanted answers, then he should get them, but you owed it to yourself to get closure. You made a plan that required some confidence, and what you could only describe as pure stupidity.

The day consisted of heavy rainfall, but Angelina Johnson was not about to cancel quidditch practice. She had a reputation to live up to, and their first game of the season was coming up. This meant, though, that there was no one dumb enough to sit out in the rain and watch them practice. Almost no one. You had a mission, so you attended the Gryffindor practice, and stayed hidden in the quidditch stands. When practice was ending, you saw the players leaving the pitch, but you saw that Harry was falling behind. This is where you swallowed your dignity, and calmed all of your nerves.

“Harry James Potter!” You yelled as loud as you could. The rain continued to pour down as he found the source of his name.

“You want answers? Well here they are. I like you, hell I may even love you. You hear me? And, I know that you couldn’t possibly feel the same way about me, but I needed to say it. You said that I am selfish. Well, you’re right. I am, and now our friendship is ruined forever because I was jealous and stupid.” You took a deep breath. “If you weren’t the Harry Potter, maybe I would have some sort of a chance, but that’s not the world we live in. In this moment, this very moment, I am just a girl yelling at a boy in the rain because I feel so much for you. I’m sorry, but you deserve the truth.” With that, you left the boy speechless on the pitch. Rain continued to fall, but he didn’t move. 

You ran. You ran so fast, that you weren’t even sure if it was real. You were soaked. From head to toe, and you had just made a fool out of yourself. You don’t know how, but you managed to get to your dorm without too many questions. The next morning, you opted out of breakfast at the great hall. Instead, you ate some of the sweets you had bought from Honeydukes. You avoided everyone like the plague. It wasn’t until the Weasley twins made their way to where you were hiding out, that you had any social interaction. 

“Well, if it isn’t Ms. Y/L/N!”

“What do you know? Is this where you have been hiding?”

“What do you two want?” They must have heard your confession. They are on the team, and they can be pretty nosy when they want to be.

“No need to be so rude.”

“Yeah, we were just here to tell you that Harry is looking for you, and well-”

“He will find you, so you may want to do a better job of hiding.” Although they probably had negative intentions, you were grateful for their intel, so you got up, thanked them and moved elsewhere.

You were walking around when you found yourself in the courtyard. You remembered the night that you and Harry became friends. You sat down, tired of all of the running and wandering you had done all day.

“It only took me the whole day to find you.”

“And yet, you didn’t get the hint. Look Harry, I don’t want to talk t-”

“Then just listen. You said enough yesterday.” You lowered your head and thought of how to escape.

“Y/N, I have been cruel and clueless. Hermione told me that you liked me long before we became friends. I should’ve seen it, but I guess I’m pretty oblivious to some things. I thought I liked Cho, but I think a part of me wanted to console her after losing Cedric. I don’t think she even knows what she wants, but I know that I have missed you so much these past few weeks. And yesterday, when you told me how you felt, I couldn’t help but feel something. I asked Hermione about it and she is sure that I like you too, and you know what, it’s probably true. Not probably, it is true. I know I’m rambling, but Y/N Y/L/N I want to be with you!” He stopped and watched your expressions. 

Your eyes looked up and found his eyes, desperate for a response. You slowly walked towards him and placed your hand on his cheek and pulled him into a shy kiss. You pulled away quickly with a slight blush, feeling embarrassed. It wasn’t until he pulled you back into him that you truly understood his words. You leaned your forehead into his and whispered, “What are you waiting for?”

[tyrantisterror]

I did a four part series of trivia posts when ATOM Volume 1: Tyrantis Walks Among Us! came out, and that was pretty fun!  You can see that set of trivia posts here if you’d like.  I thought it’d be fun to do another now that ATOM Volume 2: Tyrantis Roams the Earth! is out - just one this time, because a lot of the trivia I talked about with Volume 1 still applies.

I’m gonna divide this into two sections: non-spoiler trivia, for things that really don’t give a lot of plot points away, and spoiler trivia, for things that DO give away major plot points.  I recommend not reading the spoiler trivia until after you’ve read Tyrantis Roams the Earth!, for obvious reasons, and will put the spoiler trivia under a cut.

Ok, let’s go!

- So if you read ATOM Volume 1, you probably noticed that the book is split not only into chapters, but “episodes,” which consist of four chapters a piece.  It’s kind of a nod to how the series owes a great deal of its DNA to various monster of the week shows, with Godzilla: the Series and The Godzilla Power Hour being obvious influences.  It also allowed me to pepper in some illustrations and cheesy b-movie style titles into each volume.

- The first “episode” of Volume 2, Tyrantis in Tokyo, pays explicit homage to the giant monster movies of Japan, perhaps even moreso than the chapters that came before it.  Given how much Japanese media influenced ATOM - from tokusatsu like the Godzilla, Gamera, and Ultraman franchises to anime like Digimon and Evangelion (hell, the title of this episode itself is a tip of the hat to Tenchi Muyo by way of one of its spinoffs) - it kind of felt obligatory that Tyrantis visit Japan and pay his respects.

- Tyrantis in Tokyo also fits in a tribute to another staple of Atomic Age pop culture: Rock and Roll.

- Kutulusca, the giant cephalopod that appears in Tyrantis in Tokyo, is one of the oldest kaiju in this series, dating back to the first iteration of Tyrantis’s story that I put to paper back in 2001 or so.  It’s changed a lot since then, but its fight with Tyrantis goes more or less the way it originally did.

- Old Meg, the giant placoderm/shark, and Nastadyne, the bipedal beetle, both owe their existence directly to Deviantart’s Godzilla fandom.  Old Meg originated as a dunkleosteus monster I submitted to a “create a Godzilla kaiju” contest held by Matt Frank, while Nastadyne is based on a Megalon redesign I made during the “redesign all the Godzilla kaiju” phase of DA’s kaiju fandom.

- The second episode, Tyrantis vs. the Red Menace, gets dark as we visit the USSR, which had enough REAL horror with atomic power in its history to make creature features seem a bit defanged by comparison.  It’s probably the episode with the strongest horror elements - ATOM’s always been influenced by Resident Evil, and this is probably where that influence shows the most strongly.

- It also features the first fully robotic mecha in the series, the mighty Herakoschei!  Its name is a combination of “Heracles” and “Koschei the Deathless,” with the former part being added by its Russian creators to make it seem a bit more international as they offer it to the U.N. in hopes of gaining aid for a very extreme kaiju problem they’ve developed.

- Most of Tyrantis vs. the Red Menace takes place in the Siberian Monster Zone.  Its name is a reference to the Lawless Monster Zone in Ultraman, which is such a cool fucking name I wish that I wish I could go back in time and steal it.

- The next episode, Tyrantis’s Revenge, is... full of spoilers, so we’ll move on for now.

- The penultimate episode, Tyrantis vs. the Martian Monsters, is a love letter to MANY different sci-fi stories that involve life on Mars, though the most prominent of them is of course The War of The Worlds (one of my top 3 favorite books) and its various adaptations.  From its tentacles sapient martians, the tripodal leader of the titular monsters whose name includes the word “ulla” which is uttered by said sapient martians, the plant monster made of red vines, the cylinder-shaped spacecraft the Martian monsters are sent to earth on, the copper-skinned stingray-esque flying martian who shoots lasers from its tail, and the fact that every chapter title in this episode is a quote from the book, the H.G. Wells influence is STRONG.

- The final episode, Invasion from Beyond!, is shamelessly inspired by Destroy All Monsters, although there’s a dash of “To Serve Men,” Godzilla vs. Monster Zero, and The Day the Earth Stood Still mixed in as well.  It’s also sort of a tribute to my first “published” bit of a kaiju fiction - a rewrite of Destroy All Monsters that included EVERY Godzilla monster that had appeared at the time, which my middle school self wrote back in 2002 or so for Kaiju Headquarters, a kaiju fansite I’m not sure exists anymore.  Invasion from Beyond! is just as ambitious (but hopefully better executed) as my DAM Remake, with dozens upon dozens of different kaiju duking it out, earthlings vs. aliens.

- There were three different documents I made to outline the final battle of Invasion from Beyond!  It’s the largest episode of the series so far and more than half of it is that fucking fight.  My inner child is pleased, though, so hopefully you will be too.

Ok, that’s all I can share without spoilers.  READER BEWARE WHAT FOLLOWS BELOW THE CUT!

JUST MAKING SURE you know that SPOILERS will follow from here on out.  Read at your own peril!  YOU WERE WARNED!

(I’m gonna start with lighter ones just in case you scrolled too far and want to turn back)

- There’s a number of explicit Spielberg homages in ATOM Volume 2, from a “we need a bigger boat” joke during a chase with a giant shark to the fact that Invasion from Beyond! opens with a group of people flying to an island of monsters to review whether or not it should get more funding.

- When Tyrantis appears in the first chapter, I snuck in modified lyrics of The Godzilla Power Hour’s theme song.  “Up from the depths”... “several stories high”... “breathing fire”... “its head in the sky”... Tyrantis!  Tyrantis!  Tyrantis!

- The two rock bands in Tyrantis in Tokyo have real life inspirations ala Gwen Valentine, albeit a bit more muddled than hers.  The Cashews are inspired by The Peanuts (see what I did there), while The Thunder Lizards are a mix of The Rolling Stones, the Beatles, Buddy Holly, and the Big Bopper.  I wanted The Thunder Lizards to be more akin to the myth of a famous rock and roll band than the reality - less the real Beatles and more the Yellow Submarine cartoon version of them.

- The song The Thunder Lizards write for Tyrantis was written to fit the tune of “The Godzilla March” from Godzilla vs. Gigan, though ideally if someone made an actual song of it it would be its own song.  I got the idea from Over the Garden Wall, which used the Christmas song “O Holy Night” as a a starting point for “Come Wayward Souls.”

- Perry Martin, UNNO reporter and peer of Henry Robertson, is a nod to Raymond Burr, with his name being a combination of two of Burr’s most famous roles: Perry Mason, and Steve Martin from Godzilla King of the Monsters (1956).

- Dr. Rinko Tsuburaya is a few homages in one.  Her name comes from Rinko Kikuchi (who played Mako Mori in Pacific Rim), while her last name is obviously in homage of Eiji Tsuburaya.  Her being the daughter of an esteemed scientist is inspired by Emiko Yamane from the original Gojira.

- Nastadyne’s Burning Justice mode is named after a similar super mode from various Transformers cartoons, though it’s more directly inspired by the Shining/Burning Finger super move from G Gundam.

- Martians sending kaiju to different planets via shooting them out of cannons (with or without cylinder spaceships around them) is another War of the Worlds shoutout.  So is martians living on Venus after their homeworld was made uninhabitable, actually.

- Kurokame’s vocalizations are described as wails in explicit homage to Gamera.  His name can be translated as either “black tortoise” (a reference to the mythical guardian beast Genbu, which can also be construed as a Gamera reference thanks to Gamera: Advent of Irys implying Gamera and Genbu are one and the same) or a portmanteau of the Japanese words for crocodile and turtle - “crocturtle.”

- Burodon’s name is just a mangling of “burrow down.”  It also sounds vaguely like Baragon, who Burodon is loosely inspired by.  AND, since Burodon is sort of a knockoff/modified Baragon, that kinda makes him a reference to various monsters in Ultraman!

- The final battle of Tyrantis in Tokyo is sort of a hybrid of the finales of Ghidorah the 3 Headed Monster and Destroy All Monsters.  

- The Japanese kaiju teaching Tyrantis the art of throwing rocks at your enemies is both a joke on the prominence of rock throwing in Japanese kaiju fights AND the tired trope of an American hero learning secret martial arts from a Japanese mentor ala Batman, Iron Fist, etc.  In this case, the secret martial art is throwing rocks at people.

- When introduced to Herakoschei and its pilot, we are told that the strain of piloting this early mecha is so intense that many pilots have died in the process, with the current one passing out on more than few occasions.  This is of course a Pacific Rim homage - sadly, no one invents drifting.

- Herakoschei’s design is a loose homage to Robby the Robot and Cherno Alpha, because big boxy robots are cool.

- The Writhing Flesh and ESPECIALLY Pathogen are both hugely influenced by Resident Evil and The Thing.  Giant body horror piles of raw flesh, tendrils, mismatched mouths and limbs may be a bit outside the main era of monster design ATOM homages, but they fit the themes and bring a nice contrast.

- I came up with Pathogen long before Corona but MAN it definitely feels different in 2021 to have a giant monster whose name is a synonym for disease driving other creatures crazy in a quarantine zone than it did when I plotted out the story in 2016.

- The chapter title “Hello, Old Foes” is a riff on “Goodbye, Old Friend”

- Minerva, the kaiju-fied clone of Dr. Lerna, is meant to be an homage to Attack of the 50 Foot Woman, which is a genuinely good giant monster flick.  I am sure many of you will also believe I included her because I’m a pervert whose into tall women, but you’d be wrong!  I included the seven foot tall Russian mecha pilot Ludmilla Portnova because I’m a pervert whose into tall women.  Minerva’s inclusion was just coincidental, I swear!

- Since Promythigor is a play on the archetypal ape kaiju to contrast Tyrantis as a play on the archetypal fire-breathing reptile kaiju, their fight has a lot of nods to King Kong movies.  Promythigor attempts the famous jaw-snap maneuver of Kong (with less success), J.C. Clark paraphrases the “brute force vs. a thinking animal” line from the King Kong vs. Godzilla American cut, and Tyrantis slides down a mountain to knock Promythigor off his feet in a reversal of Kong doing the same in King Kong vs. Godzilla.

- Tyrantis sliding down a mountain on his tail doubles as a Godzilla vs. Megalon homage.

- Though Promythigor is the archetypal Ape and Tyrantis the archetypal Fire-Breathing Reptile, I think it’s fun to note that in some ways, Promythigor is the Godzilla equivalent in their matchup, and Tyrantis the Kong.  Promythigor has a slight size advantage, was scarred by humans performing unethical weapons technology, and is associated with violent explosions.  Tyrantis is a good-at-heart prehistoric beast who humanized in part by his unlikely friendship with a human woman.

- Of course, in the context of the famous quote from the American cut of King Kong vs. Godzilla, they remain in their archetypal lanes.  Promythigor is the more intelligent of the two (though not necessarily wiser), and Tyrantis is in many ways a brute reptile.  Their battle is a rebuttal of sorts to the assertion that Kong is the “better” animal because he is closer to human.  Promythigor’s near human creativity and emotions don’t make him the kinder/more benevolent monster, but instead fuel a very self-centered and destructive attitude that makes him the far more dangerous threat.  On the other hand, Tyrantis, who is less intelligent, limited in communication with others by his reptilian mindset and instincts, and simple in his thoughts and desires, is nonetheless a sweet creature that is easily dealt with when others consider his animal needs and mindset.  There’s a quote from Hellboy I love that probably sums up all of my writing thus far: “To be other than human does not mean the same as being less,” and that’s what the matchup between these two in particular tries to illustrate: the “less” human Tyrantis is nonetheless more benign than the “more” human Promythigor.

- Kraydi the psychic lizard began life as a soft sculpture I made of the Canyon Krayt Dragon from The Wildlife of Star Wars.  The sculpture didn’t look much like the illustration, but I liked how it came out, and so I made it an original monster named Kraydi (see what I did there).  Figuring out an explanation for that name in ATOM’s world was possibly the most difficult kaiju naming task in the series, but it worked out in the end.

- Kraydi and Promythigor having psychic powers is a result of my time on Godzilla fan forums in my middle school years.  Most of the forums had OC kaiju battle tournaments, and SO many of those kaiju had a wide array of beam weapons and psychic powers just to win the tournaments by beam-spamming and mind controlling their foes into oblivion.  There’s a special kind of rage you get when your original creation is beaten by “Fire Godzilla” because he has a genius level intellect and the power of unstoppable telekinesis.  Kraydi began as (and still is I suppose) my attempt to do a psychic kaiju well, while Promythigor’s villainy being tied to psychic powers being forced on him is sort of my passive aggressive commentary on people foisting powers on a monster without any real thematic reason for them.

- Henry Robertson and Dr. Praetorius chewing out the laziness of people giving kaiju completely unaltered names of mythic beasts will probably be seen as a jab at the Monsterverse and/or the numerous writers in the kaiju OC scene who do the same, but it’s ACTUALLY a jab at my past self, who had DOZENS of kaiju whose names were just Greek mythological figures verbatim.  There are dozens of kaiju named Hydra, Scylla, Charybdis, Chimera, etc., past me, try to make the names stand out!  Oh wait you did.  I mean, don’t pat yourself on the back too much, you still went with “Mothmanud” as a canon name and never came up with something better, but, like, good on ya for trying I guess.

- Dr. Praetorius takes his name from the evil mad scientis in Bride of Frankenstein, who basically has all the wicked traits that Universal’s Frankenstein downplayed in their take on Dr. Frankenstein.  Ironically, ATOM’s Dr. Praetorius is a bit less evil than his fellow mad scientists in ATOM.  I really like how his character turned out, he surprised me.

- Isaac Rossum, the pilot of the USA mecha Atomoton, is named for Isaac Aasimov, whose robot stories are to robot fiction what Lord of the Rings is to high fantasy.  His last name is a reference to Rossum’s Universal Robots, which is where the word “robot” came from.

- The unfortunate pilots of MechaTyrantis in ATOM Volumes 1 and 2 are all nods to Jurassic Park.  John Ludlow = John Hammond and Peter Ludlow, Ian Grant = Ian Malcolm and Alan Grant, Dennis Dodgson = Dennis Nedry and Lewis Dodgson.

- A good way to pitch Invasion from Beyond! would be “what if the staff and monsters were able to fight back when the Kilaaks tried to take over Monsterland?”

- Ok, here’s a fun joke that no one will get but me because it requires a very specific chain of logic based on some obscure and loosely connected nerd bullshit.  There’s a rocker in ATOM’s universe named Sebastian Haff, right?  One of his songs, “Darling Let’s Shimmy,” is referenced right before a mothmanud larva emerges from the ground in both ATOM Vol. 1 and 2.  Ok, so, in the Bubba Hotep, an aging Elvis impersonator named Sebastian Haff claims he is actually the real Elvis Presley, having changed places with the real Sebastian Haff as a sort of Prince and the Pauper deal that went wrong.  Got that?  Ok, so, in UFO folklore, a common joke is the theory that Elvis didn’t die, but was rather abducted by aliens (or he actually WAS an alien the whole time - the whole “Elvis didn’t die, he just went home” joke in Men in Black is a good example of this).  Ok?  Ok.  So, in ATOM’s universe, we can surmise that their equivalent of Elvis, whose name is Sebastian Haff, WAS abducted by aliens, and that his song “Darling Let’s Shimmy” is subconsciously influenced by his repressed memories from his time aboard the Beyonder spaceships, which is why it accidentally awoke a Mothmanud larva in Volume 1.  There’s a lot of bullshit jokes I put into ATOM, but this is perhaps the bullshittiest of them all.

- One of the most common bits of feedback on ATOM Volume 1 I got was “I kept waiting for something to eat Brick Rockwell, he’s such an asshole.”  And I had to smile and go, “Oh, yeah, guess he never got his, huh?” the whole time without letting on that he was going to die here all along!

- Dr. Lerna and Brick Rockwell’s nature as foils to each other is probably most apparent in Invasion from Beyond!, where both are given fairly similar situations - a nonhuman approaches them with a solution to a global crisis - and react to it very differently.  I worry that some people may think they both made the same choice and got different results, and that that’s hypocrisy on my part, but I hope I wrote it so you can see how their choices and situations actually differ in key ways, and why their decisions, while similar on the surface, are ultimately very different, and thus result in almost opposite outcomes.

- So, when I planned out this book in 2016, I swear I didn’t know about the Orca from 2019′s Godzilla King of the Monsters.  Having the plot hang around Dr. Lerna deciding whether or not to use a sonic device to rouse all the kaiju to save the earth was not INTENDED to be a Monsterverse reference - it came about from me looking at Pathfinder’s take on kaiju, who are all explicitly influenceable by music, and thinking, “Oh, wow, music and songs DO have a major connection with kaiju in a lot of media, I should do something with that.”  Whem KOTM came out a few days after Volume 1 came out I realized I was kinda fucked here, because the comparison was definitely going to be made, but I’d also set this all up already and you can’t just change suddenly to avoid looking like a copy cat and make a good story, so... I dunno, I leaned into it a bit, but it is what it is.

- While most people will probably think they’re a reference to the Reptoids of UFO folklore, the Reptodites are more inspired by the Dinosapien of speculative evolution fame and, even morso, by the Reptites from Chrono Trigger.  Me wanting to avoid the “lizard people control the government” conspiracy theory trope is one of the main reasons why Reptodites have this non-interference clause with humanity.

- Lieutenant Gray is a bunch of different humanoid aliens rolled into one - a little Hopskinville goblin, a little classic gray, a little this one weird alien with five-fingered zygodactyl hands, etc.

- There’s some Beyonder Mecha in this volume that are basically kaiju-fied versions of the Flatwoods Monster.  The species that built them ALSO engineered the Mothmanuds, because connecting Mothman and the Flatwoods Monster is fun!

- Pleprah is, obviously, a one-eyed one-horned flying purple people eater.

- Tyrantis’s brush with death, in addition to being so very anime, was inspired by my dad outlining how mythic heroes often have to travel to the underworld/land of the dead before they can finish their journey.  It’s one of the plot points that I’ve had planned for this series since middle school.

- I’m sure some will view it as hackneyed and corny, but as a person who’s battled with depression for decades, having Tyrantis’s choice to live be the big heroic turn of the finale was very important to me.  Tyrantis incorporates elements of a lot of imaginary friends I made as a kid, and in many ways he’s kind of the face of my more positive side in my head.  He’s been telling me to choose to live for a while, and while maybe to an outsider it may seem hackneyed, it’s just... very Tyrantis.  He chooses life and kindness in the face of pain and struggle.  That’s Tyrantis.

- Tyrantis’s powered up form is called “Hyper Mode,” which is another Gundam reference.  Originally it was a lot gaudier and involved him turning gold like a fuckin’ Super Saiyan.  I opted for something a little more toned down here.  

- Also, speaking of KOTM references, I decided to make Hyper Mode Tyrantis’s final duel with Pathogen be a sort of foil to Burning Godzilla’s final bout with Ghidorah in KOTM.  Instead of ravaging the city, Hyper Tyrantis’s pulse of energy rejuvenates his fallen allies, and as a result he is “crowned” not out of fear for his supremacy in the wake of killing a powerful enemy, but in gratitude for his kindness.  See?  Leaning into it!

- And now I can finally reveal that Yamaneon is ATOM’s equivalent of The Monolith Monsters - that is, a kaiju that is also a mineral.  I took the “strange continuously growing rock” thing in a very different direction, though, as unlike The Monolith Monsters, Yamaneon is actually alive.

- At various points in the pre-writing process, either Promythigor, MechaTyrantis, or both were going to die fighting Pathogen.  I ultimately decided to let them both live, with MechaTyrantis even getting his flesh and blood body back, because I think it’s more interesting and thematically consistent that way.  They get a chance to heal their wounds by changing their ways.

- The Great Beyonder and Dorazor both almost didn’t make the cut, as I felt they didn’t have the same pull as villains that Pathogen, Promythigor, and MechaTyrantis did.  But then I thought that could actually be the gag - build them up as the final boss, only to have Pathogen take their crown.  I want to explore post-face turn Dorazor a bit more, though.  We’ll have to see about that in a later volume.

- Volumes 1 and 2 make up what I call “The Ballad of Tyrantis Arc” for ATOM.  I call it that because Tyrantis’s storyline in these two volumes was patterend after Chivalric ballads like Yvain the Knight of the Lion.  Tyrantis, a heroic warrior who is kind but dumb of ass, learns of strange goings on outside his home and investigates.  During his journey into the unknown he falls in love with a powerful woman, whose favor he tries to win.  Through happenstance he is separated from his love and, distraught, wanders around fighting various foes to prove his worth, before finally returning to his love a better hero.  Invasion from Beyond! could even be seen as a sort of Morte d’Artur, with Tyrantis and a bunch of other kaiju heroes (including Nastadyne and Kemlasulla, who are built up as Hero Kaiju of Another Story) take part in a huge battle that threatens their idealic kingdom (of monsters).

- Volume 2 isn’t the end of ATOM, but it’s designed to work as an ending if you want to tap out here.  As a reader I feel a definitive ending is important, but as a writer I’m always tempted to revisit my beloved characters, so I feel giving closure while leaving a few doors open for possible future adventures is a good compromise between these positions.  There will be more ATOM stories, some (but not all!) following Tyrantis and Dr. Lerna, but if you want to know that Tyrantis and Dr. Lerna get an ending and the resolution to their arcs such a thing promises, here you go.  An ending, if not THE END.

[p---ink]

Stark Contrasts Chapter Five

Author’s Note: This is the last installment, in my Tony Stark Fan-fiction. I loved writing this, but I am also happy to see it come to an end. Please, tell me what you think of this. I can only get better. It means the world to me when I get comments, so let me know how this makes you feel. Also, to my artists out there...I promise I don’t know jackshit about art, so please dont come for my throat. Everything is purely fictional. German speakers, I used google translate, please tell me if anything is off. I love you guys! Thanks for reading!

Summary: Y/N tries to adjust to her life away from Tony. 

Warnings: Angst, Fluff, Smut. In that order. 

Song: I had the song I saw you in a dream by the Japanese House, in mind while writing this. 

Word Count: 11.2k

Parts: one | two | three | four | five 

Chapter Title: The Ends of the Universe

Disclaimer: Picture is not mine. 

Berlin, Germany. Pepper Potts sent you to Berlin. Fucking. Germany. While Berlin was breathtakingly beautiful, and to your surprise very diverse, you knew nothing about it. Nothing about the way of life there. Nothing about the people. To say you were nervous would be an understatement. Scared, would still not do your emotions justice. You were in a place you had made no preparations for, as well as no thoughts of ever visiting. But you guessed that was the point. 

Tony would never look for you here. 

Six months. That’s how long you would be here. Pepper had taken care of everything. The rest of the semester and classes that you were enrolled in before you left, were now moved online. It was that or completing them the next semester. Usually, your university required students complete all prerequisite courses before they took on any internships within their respected fields. So how Ms. Potts got your Dean to agree to such an outlandish change of pace for one of her students, you would never know. What she achieved was unprecedented. That was when you learned quickly to never underestimate her. 

Six months. That’s how long you would be away from Tony. Well actually, the idea, as Pepper calls it, is that you two will have moved on from each other by the end of it all. You weren’t even supposed to contact him when your time was up here. In fact, as long as you were in Germany, you were not to contact anyone you knew. 

Pepper had assured your family and friends of your well-being ahead of time. No they could not know of your location, nor contact you, but they were ensured that you were safe. It took some heavy convincing on her part to get your family to agree, but ultimately they did. In their eyes, they were supporting what was best for you. 

Nao, on the other hand, was not keen on just letting you leave the country. Though your friendship had less than a few days to develop, she became very protective over you. She felt that your leaving was downright bullshit as well as unfair. “Why should Edward fucking Stark, get his happy ending?” She spat. She was also not as willing to trust Pepper as you were. But because you had already made your decision to leave, you entrusted her with the secret of your hidden twitter account. No one, save yourself, knew about it. You agreed that you would regularly tweet from it, as your way of letting her know you were okay. That was the only reason, she didn’t blow the whistle to Tony right away.

Unlike Nao, you had faith in Pepper. You two weren’t the closest, but you had an unspoken respect and trust for one another. Pepper, despite every reason you gave her, did not behave in the way that any other woman in her shoes would have. You had broken her son’s heart by sleeping with his dad, her now ex-husband. Yet here she was, going through all of these hoops for you, just to make sure you didn’t ruin yourself. Of course you trusted her. 

There was one thing she was not truthful to you about however. When she told you the internship was all-expense paid, what she really meant was that she was covering all of it. Your school fees, apartment, food, and any and all luxury items, Pepper would be dishing out the money to take care of it all. While you felt you had no control over everything else, you drew the line there. Though you sort of resented her for her speediness to remove you from States, you refused to let her pay for your mistakes. She had already done so much. 

Your entire time living with Tony, he never let you pay for anything. This of course meant, you had money saved up from your previous employments. Enough to live comfortably until you could find a job. While Pepper was more understanding than her ex, she still insisted on covering your school fees as well as the first two months on your apartment so that you could focus on school before money became an issue. She even set you up with some extra spending money to get started. “To have a job, on top of an internship, as well as a full course-load, is too much for any student to bear.” She told you. “I will not set you up for failure, just to prove your smug ass Dean right.” 

Once you were settled in, and she felt confident enough to depart, Pepper left you and Germany, wishing you the best of luck. She was in a hurry to get back home before Tony could catch a whiff of where you were, and where she had been. 

So there you were. In Berlin. All alone, far from home, with no one but yourself to console. That was when the waterworks began. Between Nao’s place and the plane ride here, you didn’t have time to process your emotions. Your life, though not the most morally ideal, went to absolute shit in less than seventy-two hours. You didn’t care who was looking from the outside in calling you ungrateful. You got to experience the world, and your experiences with Tony alone should have satisfied you. 

Still, you didn’t ask for any of this. He was all you wanted. You would give up all the luxury in the world, if it meant just being with him. But alas, you did not have that choice, so you decided to cry. 

And cried you did. Your first three nights consisted of tears, and headaches. You barely even ate. It didn’t help that Tony’s face was plastered every where. He was famous, so what did you expect? “How the fuck am I supposed to get over him, when I can’t even escape him?” In fairness, you also didn’t make it easy on yourself. A t-shirt of his that you stole, covered your pillowcase. You were scared of the day it’s scent would leave. The new phone that Pepper purchased for you, had his wallpaper on the cover. Of course you later willed yourself to change it, but it took time. You even bought books that he begged you to read for months, just because they reminded you of him. Your entire time in Germany, you were a woman of your word to Nao. You tweeted about him constantly your first three nights, just  to feel like your old self again. It was small things that made you feel closer. But small things turned into big ones. You were practically torturing yourself. 

Where nights ended in crying, mornings began with half-hearted reassurements. “This is what’s good for me.” You would chant, to yourself in the mirror. “This is what’s good for Tony.” It was now the weekend, and come Monday you would be starting your internship. “The sooner I get this over with, the sooner I can go home.”

  ººººº

Starting your art internship sounded dreadful to you now. Before, you were more than excited as you planned it with Tony. Your eyes were starry when you fawned over how rich the art and culture was in France. Of course you would be excited, given that Tony had taken you to France on numerous occasions, as well as taught you some of the language. You were even comfortable enough to navigate the streets of Paris alone. That was more than you could say about Germany. 

When Monday came, and you left your apartment, you got lost almost immediately. Luckily to you, in Berlin more people spoke English than you thought. So your day was off to a bad start but you could still turn it around. That was your train of thought before it began to pour down raining. The cute, but simple little outfit that you had put together was now drenched. Not to mention your hair; tight coils retreated to your scalp, and makeup ran down your face. You had tried. You really did. You wanted the outside of your person, to deflect what you were feeling on the inside. Too bad the universe had other plans. 

You were still determined to complete your first day. So you continued on to the location that a kind stranger gave you. 

It sounded right, because soon you were standing in front of the soon-to-be art gallery that you would be interning at for the next 6 months. You were to shadow an art-curator, with the hopes of teaching it one day. Sure becoming an art professor wasn’t very fulfilling financially, but you loved art so you didn’t care. 

You walked into the magnificent glass structure, with high ceilings and tall windows. Your strides made wet squelching sound, as you stepped from the outside concrete pavement onto the wooden linoleum.

Immediately, a man who seemed to be directing others about the room, turned his attention to you. He almost dropped the clear clipboard he was holding, upon seeing the soaking wet brown girl before him. All he could think of was the damage to the floors you had probably caused. 

“Wie kann ich Dir helfen?” He asked you with a grimace painting his features.

If your confidence wasn’t shot before, it was now at a zero as you realized how stupid you must of looked. “I’m sorry I don’t speak German.” You apologized.

The man huffed as he switched languages. “I said, how can I help you?” Now you genuinely felt like an entitled American, in someone else’s country forcing them to accommodate you by speaking your native tongue. 

“I’m Y/N, and I am here for the Schmidt Internship.” You said lowly. You watched him bring his attention back to the clipboard in hand, flipping harshly through the paper. 

“You’re late. On your first day at that. How could you come in here like this?” His words were harsh, but he was right. You were late, and even if you weren’t your appearance would have sent off red flags in his head. 

You had to blink back the water that was forming in your eyes. This was something that you had become an expert at. “I apologize, but I had trouble finding my way here.”

He scoffed “So not only are you coming up with excuses already, but you’re telling me you haven’t even prepared yourself. How are you supposed to retain the necessary knowledge for this job?”

“Again, I’m sorry, but I can assure you that this won’t happen again. ”

“You’re right. So go home.” 

Your brows jumped to meet each other. “I’m sorry, what?”

“You clearly don’t have what it takes. My clients will eat you up and spit you out within seconds.” He looked you up and down before adding, “And if they don’t, I will. So go home.” He turned his back to you as if you were nothing, and began redirecting men on where to put certain paintings. Not sparing you a second glance.

Something told you that he was used to making people cry. You almost did, until you realized that you had been crying for the past week, and now you were just angry. 

“You can place that Delegado by the window.” You heard him say to two men. You walked up to them to interrupt their conversation.

“Actually place it as far away from the light as possible.” You ordered the men who were holding the piece.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” The curator asked. 

You could feel his scowl on your face so instead of spinning to address him, you furthered your explanation. “The choice of medium Delgado used is not compatible with the sun. It will certainly drain its vibrancy. But anyone who attended secondary school art would know that.” You sneered, side-eyeing him. Your insult did not fall on deaf ears. His scowl turned into an almost pained expression. You ignored it, and moved on. 

You walked around the room, as the curator silently, but obviously followed you. “I assume you intend to place a light fixture over this.” You asked him, looking over your shoulder. “If not, this is the painting you should place next to the window. It will not thrive in the shadows. The artist intended for light to cast on certain areas to reveal hidden figures.” You took your phone out to flash its light against the frame to prove your theory, and almost immediately new elements appeared in the work. 

You could almost hear the change in features on the curator’s face. Still you continued your dance around the room, explaining to him pieces of art that worked well with others, and ones that did not. 

Going up to your next piece, you inspected it closely. “When did you purchase this” You asked him.

“A few days ago. Why?” He questioned, his tone was now different, almost inviting you to say more. He was now curious about your every word. 

“Bankole, the artist this is inspired by has not sold a painting in years.” You informed him.

“I bought it from a secondhand distributor. So what’s your point?” 

“You were scammed. The original piece only has seven hooded men. A reoccurring theme in Bankole’s art. This painting only has six.”

“Well maybe Bankole miscounted.” He suggested, chuckling. It was like he was amused, and it was vastly different from his earlier cold demeanor. 

“It also has too many etchings along the border.” You continued. “And the signature is misspelled.”

He stayed silent for a minute. He was awestruck. His assistant who had been standing near him, looked up everything you said to fact check you. She whispered a “she passed, sir” in his ear, when she could validate your arguments. And that’s when you realized it was a test. 

Upon realizing the whole thing was a set up, you relaxed your bewildered eyebrows, and looked down at your feet to smile a smile that screamed ‘I’ve been tricked’. 

The curator, as if scared to take his eyes off of you leaned his head to the side to ask his assistant, “Could you please get Ms.?”

“L/N” You sheepishly smiled, bringing your eyes back up to meet his. 

“Yes, could you please get Ms. L/N something to dry off with, Hanna?” He asked the girl, returning a smile back. 

“Right away sir.” Hanna spoke, scampering away to search the building’s custodial closet. 

He offered his hand to you, and broke the silence. “I’m Finn. Finn Schmidt.”

You took his hand, and shook it gently. “Wait Schmidt? Does that mean you’re—”

“Yes, my family owns this gallery.” He replied as a matter of fact. 

You mouthed an inaudible ‘oh’, as you were now embarrassed about your secondary school comment. Thankfully Hanna was back now with a towel to distract you from your growing shame. Changing the subject you asked, “So is it a German thing to be rude and test your future interns?”

He laughed, eyes lingering on your neck as you dried your hair. “Well its a Schmidt thing to test future interns. As for the rude part, I’m sorry. I was just a bit upset about something from earlier.” He confessed. “I promise I would have called you back later to apologize.”

“It’s fine. I did show up late and track your floors with rainwater.” You glanced outside, noticing the sky was now as clear as day. Just my fucking luck, you thought. But at least the new found light gave you a chance to properly examine Finn. The events from earlier, blinded you from realizing how handsome he was. 

He was much taller than you. At least more than half a foot. Chestnut brown locks, thrown up into a messy bun, graced the top of his head. He had honey brown eyes upon first glance, but when the sunlight hit them, they were a brilliant amber. He looked to be close in age to you, but still more experienced; so maybe late 20’s early 30’s you concluded. He was built. Not too muscular, but far from skinny. His beard was immaculate. In fact it looked as if he took better care of it, than he did his hair. Both made him look majestic. He had skin of olive, and it was dewy and radiant; you just knew his skin-care routine was more rigorous than yours. When he spoke, it was gruff. His accent was thick, but he spoke English like he lived in a native-english speaking country for years. He was definitely a man who prided himself in his looks as well as his knowledge. 

“So tell me, is it an American thing to ogle at complete strangers.” He smirked at you. You immediately thanked God for blessing you with darker skin, for you felt your blood pool to the apples of your cheeks. 

“I’m sorry.” You apologized, embarrassed and suddenly intrigued by the ground.

“Don’t be. It’s definitely a Schmidt thing.” He informed you, raking his eyes down your figure. Is he flirting with me? You asked yourself. 

Now desperate for air, you took in a deep breath to overcome the fluster. “So, um. I’m sorry, just to make sure I’m not getting ahead of myself: your assistant said I passed?”

He cleared his throat, and began rapidly blinking away his daze before speaking. “Yes with flying colors.”

“Does this mean I still have the internship?”

“Yes. I’d be honored to have you. ”

You beamed a bright smile. “Great. Well I hope we enjoy working together.” You stretched your hand out again for him to shake. 

“As do I.” He said, grasping your outstretched limb, before bringing your hand to his lips. 

Oh boy. 

ººººº

It turns out, you two did enjoy working together. Finn, despite your first impression of him, was a major sweetheart, at least to you that is. You didn’t know if that reigned true in other aspects of his life, or if it was just because he wanted to sleep with you. Either way, you welcomed his charming nature.

He became your best friend whilst you were in Germany. He was proud of his country, and very eager to show you why. You were dragged from museum to museum soaking in beautiful art. Landmark to landmark, reveling in famous architecture. Restaurant to restaurant, engorging yourselves with famous German cuisines and desserts. He was elated to finally have someone to boast to about his culture. And you were happy to have someone take your mind off of Tony. Temporarily.

As months passed, you still found your mind drifting off as you wondered about him. You dreamed about him at least every other night. But you would still tell yourself,  He’s over me by now. He’s probably happy I’m gone. At least I didn’t ruin his life.

Finn could only do so much. You were close now, so you informed him of a man who had taken over your dreams. He didn’t know who your mystery man was, but he wanted to be him. He wanted to be the one who occupied your mind. He made it clear on numerous occasions too. Spouting to you German phrases that he taught you before hand, revealing his feelings. 

‘Ich steh’ auf dich’. I’m into you. ‘Ich bete dich an’, I adore you. The words were beautiful flowing from his lips. But you always feigned ignorance, acting like you forgot what they meant. He could scream his feelings to the sky in your mother tongue, and you would still say something along the lines of “Quit joking around.” Or “You’re so silly.”

You would be a liar if you said you hadn’t thought about Finn in that way. He was sexy, and more than willing to replace Tony. And Pepper, if she were there, as well as your friends and your better sense, would have begged for you to fuck him…but alas, you just couldn’t do it.

You two were currently planning the grand opening of his family’s second art gallery. It was tomorrow night, and it took all of five months, most of your internship to get the museum ready for the public. It would be a formal event, where renowned guests were invited to partake in a cultured but light-hearted social gathering. It was going to be grand, which meant Finn was bugging out. 

“Lydia, have Hanna approve the guest list for me. I need her to make sure, no strays show up.” He said to one of his staff members. He had a group of people following close beside him as he took long strides to his office. 

“Again?” She asked. 

“Yes! Again.” He shouted.

She rolled her eyes, before skittering off to find Hanna.

“Luka, have you checked with the caterers to make sure the hors d’oeuvres will arrive by 17:30?”

“Yes sir.” The boy squeaked. 

“Check again.” Finn ordered. 

“Right away sir.”

“Oliver—” Finn Started. 

“The wine has already arrived, sir.” Oliver interjected, feeling quite sure of himself. 

“So the Chambertin Grand Cru is here? Great!” Finn began smiling and relaxing a bit. 

Confusion took the place of certainty on Oliver’s face. “Actually sir, I thought you told me to get Richebourg Grand Cru.” 

“Fuck!” Finn yelled in his native tongue, about to tear a new hole in the smaller boy. That is before you stepped in. You were waiting for him by his door. 

“Your guests are coming in for the art Finn. Not the wine, nor the food.”

His expression softened when he heard your voice. “Our guests.” He corrected, smiling at you. “I feel you worked harder than me, so they are our guests.”

“Fine. Our guests do not care about the damn wine.” You smiled. 

He chuckled at your playful chide. “You know you keep me sane right? You’re my savior.” 

“I thought Jesus was your savior.”

“Well you’re a close second.” He smirked, as he let you enter the room before him. You both sat down in close seats, and ran down a list of things he needed to confirm for tomorrow nights events. 

As you two worked, he decided to start a separate conversation. “Have you decided on whether or not you’re coming yet.” His voice was hopeful.

You sighed, knowing you were about to shatter that hope. “I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that. I think I’ll pass.”

“Why?” He cried, abandoning his previous tasks. 

“I have nothing to wear.” You informed him. “Besides I’m a bit beat. I should relax before my exams come up.”

“But, it’s just one night. And anything you put on will be amazing. It’s the girl in the dress that makes it beautiful.” As he said the last part, he placed a hand on your knee and caressed it.

You stood to your feet to avoid his lingering touches as well as ignore the look of disappointment on his face. “I can’t just show up in any thing. There are way too many important people coming. I would have to make a good impression, and I’m just not up for it.” 

Finn abruptly raised now hovering over you and turning your body to face him. “What is this really about?”

“What do you mean?” You asked looking at him through an inquisitive lens. 

“We both worked so hard on this. This gallery is practically your baby, don’t you want to see other people enjoy it?” The pads of his thumbs massaged your shoulders. The act was innocent, but to you it burned to have another man touch you in the way that only Tony should. 

You shrugged your shoulders to make his arms fall and took a stroll around his desk, placing space between you. “Of course I want to see her success, Finn.”

“Then what’s stopping you?” He asked, slowly meeting you on the other side, unsure about his actions now. 

You knew what was stopping you. Finn had to practically beg you to go out with him on regular days, and you would eventually do it to rid your mind of Tony; but this was different. Attending this event reminded you of the ones you, Tony, and Edward would participate in. 

While you were Edward’s plus one on paper, it was really Tony who you would move through a room with. He would introduce you to some of his friends in high places. You two would have riveting conversations about the world and art. By the end of it all, you would ditch Edward (which wasn’t hard, because he was usually the one to ditch you guys) to sip expensive ass champagne until you passed out the next day in some hotel room you had no memory of entering. This event screamed reminders of your past life. And your past love.

“I don’t know.” You lied. But Finn knew you were lying. He also knew what, or rather who, was stopping you.

He sighed, and gazed at you before speaking again. “Is this about your ex?”

You were curious as to why he asked about Tony when the conversation had nothing to do with him. “Why do you ask me that?”

“Because it always seems to be.” He came to stand directly before you, now more sure of himself. 

You could admit your tone of voice changed as you said your next line. “Well it’s not.”

“When are you gonna get over him?” Finn asked, ignoring your words as well as ignoring the defensive tone they were laced in. 

“I am over him.” He made you feel small, so you straightened your posture to appear more intimidating, a sharp scowl now decorating your face. 

“No you’re not. You’re still depressed about him.” He sounded a bit annoyed now. 

“I wouldn’t say I’m depressed…” You cooed, trailing off a bit with your thoughts. Am I depressed? And if I am, do I really wear it for the world to see?

Worry etched itself into your expression, which made Finn say, “You’re too young for this. And you’re too beautiful. You shouldn’t be worried about a guy who isn’t even here.” Finn stated. You thought that what he was saying wasn’t fair, because he didn’t even know the full story. “I can help you get over him.”

He made you blink rapidly at his words. “Woah Finn,” Finn continued his case. 

“Just let me take your mind off of him. I promise i’ll be worth it.” he was always forward, but never this forward. 

“Finn stop.” He was now closer to you, cornering you between himself and his wall. His office felt much smaller now. 

“I like you Y/N, and not just as a friend.” He was now just a breath away, so you threw your arms in between the two of you, only for him to lightly grip your wrists. 

“Finn—” You were cut off by his lips, as they stole a soft kiss from yours. You immediately broke the connection by looking down, brushing the area he just touched with your fingertips. Finn looked at you expectantly, face flushing as he realized what he just did. He dropped his hands from their positions on your wrists and stepped back.

“Y/N, I-I’m so, sorr—”

“I’m late for my other job now. I’ll see you Monday.” You hurried out, as you circled around him to leave the room before he could say another word. 

ººººº

Your entire shift at your neighborhood cafe, felt like a blur.  You chose to work at a cafe for similar reasons to the ones at home: the rustle and bustle of the world made you feel calm, and like your problems were small. But now all you could think about was Finn.

He was right, you were still hung up on Tony. In your defense, five months didn’t seem like enough time for you to move on from a relationship that shifted your entire being. But they did say, to get over one man, you should get under another one. And Finn, was a man that you would have been attracted to under normal circumstances. 

He was handsome. Articulate. Cultured. Kind. He was the type of man, who could move a room just by walking in it. But he wasn’t Tony. That fact alone was how you knew you were beat. If you could pass up an amazing man, for one you couldn’t even have, then you were crazy. 

He smelled of ginger, and he tasted like cinnamon for those fleeting moments that he held you. You thought to yourself that you could do worse. You weren’t supposed to be with Tony anyway, so what was the harm in being with a man who was begging for you to use him?

The harm was, that you weren’t that kind of a girl. And you didn’t wanna hurt him. 

I am making this harder than it needs to be. You thought to yourself, as you walked into your apartment building. Your decision to go to the gallery’s opening became a hell of a lot easier, when your doorman greeted you with a package. You hesitantly thanked him and took the elegant box, before walking up to your flat. 

Setting it down on your counter to rid it of its satin pink bow, you freed the top cover and unraveled the tissue paper. Underneath all of the wrapping was a sparkly rose gold material. You pulled it out to reveal a ball gown, that looked as if it was made specifically with a princess in mind. The puffy skirt of the gown had a large slit in it and it was made of a sheer, almost see-through fabric. Glitter ran throughout the entire dress, but where it was most prominent was the bodice. The straps were off the shoulder, and they connected to a deep plunge a few inches below the neckline. It was beautiful.

Your first thought was to anger. The dress looked like it cost him a fortune.  You felt obligated to thank him, but you were also mad that he spent money on you as a form of apology. You hated when people just gave you things. It instantly made you feel like a burden.

But then your second thought was one of guilt. Leaving him so quickly, must of made him feel terrible, and that fact helped you swallow your anger. He really liked you, and you could at least show up to the gallery to support him. After all, you were still friends. 

You just silently prayed you wouldn’t regret going. 

      ººººº

Cool air nipped at your bear arms and chest as you made your way through the night. The wind caused cold tears to fall from your eyes, and your fingers felt like icicles. You knew it would be cold tonight as winter transitioned into spring, but you didn’t anticipate it this much. You didn’t have a proper shawl to sit across your shoulders that matched your dress, so you sucked it up and power-walked to the gallery.  It definitely felt nice to step into the building’s warm and inviting embrace.You instantly felt your cheeks warm up as you stood in the middle of the entryway.

The event was in full swing by the time you arrived. You were instantly surrounded by laughter, and chatter, as rich people debated amongst themselves about the intent of certain pieces of art. Beautiful melodies filled the air, as classical music played softly in the background. The ambience was warm despite the cold night air peering through the high glass ceilings. You thought it was nice, how even though the building was so well lit, you could still make out the faint glow of stars above you. 

Being an observant person who could easily meld into the background, you thought the sight before you was beautiful, and you immediately felt regret grow smaller in the pit of your stomach. 

You searched the crowd, trying to seek out Finn and thank him for urging you to come, as well as for the dress. You found him at the top of a balcony, chatting up one of his guests. You swallowed your uneasiness as you made it up in your mind to confront his and your feelings. Maybe I could give him a try because he really is a nice guy. That was your train of thought as you made your way up to him. I could learn to love him. You thought. If it doesn’t work out, I still have home in just a month. 

As you got closer, and closer to him, you thought of Tony, and immediately froze in your tracks. You felt guilty for even thinking about someone else before you were over him. You were disappointed in yourself, for your readiness to use one man, in order to get over another one.

You were about to turn around and forget about the entire event, before Finn caught your gaze. He stopped his chat with the man in front of him and excused himself to walk over to you. 

You looked like a gapping fish out of water as he approached you. Finn was always so well put together. Seeing him in a tux, only made him appear more intimidating. He somehow made you, with your dress, naturally done makeup, and beautifully pinned up hair, feel small. Little did you know, he felt smaller.  

“Y/N” He started, almost at a loss for words. “You look beautiful.”

To save face you forced yourself to speak, opting for the playful banter he had come to love. “Why are you acting so surprised?”  You sheepishly smirked. 

“Well I didn’t think you were coming.” He beamed. He was relieved to know you weren’t still mad at him.

“I couldn’t just waste this.” You said referring to your dress, grabbing a fistful in each hand to lift it and emphasize your point. 

Finn bought his eyes over you, basking in your beauty. “You look darling in that. But I thought you said you didn’t have anything to wear.”

You furrowed your brows at his words, smile faltering. “I didn’t, until you—”

“Finn! Over here darling, I want you to meet someone.” His mother called to him in english, gesturing to a well-dressed attractive woman. 

“Okay.” He replied to her before bringing his attention back to you. “Stay right here. Don’t move I mean it.” He floated off, abandoning you and your confusion.

Why was he acting so oblivious? 

You felt moments pass as Finn worked himself around the room. You watched him as he drifted from person to person, seemingly forgetting about you. He was in his element, and you were happy to see him happy. 

Leaving him to do his own thing, you walked down the stairs deciding to occupy yourself by people watching. That was when your emotions began to overwhelm you again. You leaned against a wall, newfound glass of wine in hand, trying to drown out the noise around you. Everything seemed to remind you of Tony Stark. The rich men in their suits. The stimulating discussions. Even the drink between your fingers, reminded you of him. Now too encapsulated with your thoughts once again, you turned to the wall behind you, immersing yourself into the art. The sad girl in the painting, derided you, as you met her eyes. She was pretty, and like you she felt alone. At least we can be lonely together you thought, scoffing at the idea. 

“Why that frown, everyone in here knows you’re prettier than her.” Your heart sank, as you turned to the side meeting the face of the familiar voice. 

“Tony?” You exhaled, blinking rapidly as if your eyes were playing tricks on you.

“In the flesh.” He smirked down at you. You threw yourself into his open arms, as he wrapped himself around you. You felt him kiss the top of your head, then your temple, as you inhaled his scent; it had been such a long time since you had even done that. Your drink spilled on the floor behind you, and the look of shock you received from a nearby stranger made you feel deranged. It didn’t matter, how crazy you looked, Tony was here and that was all you could care about. 

Pulling back from his embrace, you felt your words form at the back of your throat unable to bring them out. “What are you doing here?” You managed to ask. 

“You know I could ask you the same. Berlin? Was all that French I taught you, for nothing?” He joked, holding you in place. 

You were becoming blurry-eyed. You terribly missed his wittiness. “How did you find me?” Though you were happy, you couldn’t help the tears that streamed down your face. 

Tony wiped them away with the pads of his thumb, “First. Dance with me.” He reached a hand between the two of you, willing you to take it. 

“This isn’t that kind of an event Tony.” You chuckled.

“Who cares? I need to hold you.” His words made you tear up again. You soon became a sobbing mess, and those around you shot him dirty looks for making you cry. 

“Princess.” Tony cooed, sending apologetic nods to random people as he tried to comfort you. “You’re making a scene.” 

You ignored him, and kept silently whimpering, gradually growing a bit louder, as your face contorted further into a frown. “You’ll ruin your makeup.” 

Still crying you began dry-heaving as you chocked between sobs. “Alles ist gut.” Tony assured strangers, informing them that all was well. 

“You know German?” You squeaked between sobs.

“When I found out you were in Germany, I learned a bit on the plane ride here.” He grabbed a napkin from a passing by waiter, as he told you this. 

“So you learned German for me?” You sobbed louder, causing more people to look over.

“Y/N, baby please stop crying.” Tony pleaded. “Please stop."

You sniffled and began wiping your eyes, smearing your mascara in the process. He used his napkin to wipe away the excess mess on your face. “Now can we please try this again?” He asked holding his hand out. You took it, and he lead you to the center of the room. 

Now the attention was as a result of the spectacle in front of them. First a girl practically pours her expensive wine on the ground. Then starts crying. And now she and her beaux are dancing in the middle of the gallery. How unhinged you must of looked in the eyes of a stranger. 

Tony couldn’t be more in love with you. He held you close, one hand clasped with yours, the other resting on your lower back as he gazed into your eyes, mesmerized by your existence. You two swayed back and forth, ignoring the judgmental stares and whispers. Eventually others gained the courage to join in, inspired by the silly Americans of the room. 

He broke the comfortable silence first. “I see you like the dress. You make it look beautiful.”

“You bought this for me?” You exclaimed smiling. It made sense now, how else would the measurements be so perfect?

“Of course I did. Who else would?” He asked with a single raised brow, his signature “you better tell me, or you’re in trouble” expression.

“Mmh, hmm, Mmh.” You mumbled shrugging your shoulders upwards. Of course that was a lie, but you would tell him later. 

He decided to address your lie later as well. He changed the subject for now. “So why Berlin? Why not London, or Italy? Italy was you second choice, you loved Italy!”  

You giggled at the amount of times he said Italy. He bathed in the sound. “Germany was the first place Pepper could arrange on such short notice. Besides, we thought you would never think of looking here.”

“I would search the ends of the universe for you.” He said, face and tone all of a sudden serious. You inspected him for a minute, heat rising to your cheeks, before you both cracked a smile. 

“You’re so fucking cheesy.” You laughed. 

“I thought you loved it when I act cheesy.” He expressed, mocking fake hurt. 

You smiled and kissed his chin, ignoring his dramatics, opting to be enveloped by the silence. You were calmed as he rocked you in his arms, pulling you as close as he could. His large warm hand on your exposed lower back felt like home. You two fit together like puzzle pieces, and you were happier now than you were the first time you kissed. Now you weren’t in secret. You were out in the open, as you experienced a new first in your relationship. 

You broke the silence this time, as you laid your head on his chest. “So how did you find me?”

“Tonysbitch99 Y/N? Come on, I’m a fucking genius, and I’m not exaggerating.  Your last tweet led me here”

Your head shot up so you could question him. “Wait. So you went out on a fucking whim?”

He laughed at your outburst. "Well actually a blue-haired girl encouraged me to check your twitter account. I found your hidden one on your old phone. That led me to your apartment.”

“Nao.” You said in a low menacing tone. You had some words for her as soon as you got back home. But when you thought of home, your mind wandered back to the obstacles in your way. Being so happy to see him, you forgot about Edward. “Tony” You sighed. “You can’t be here. Edward will find out. And you could lose everything you worked for. Your dreams have to mean something to you.”

“They do. You’re one of them Y/N.” He always had a way with words, and just as you were about to protest he cut you off. “I won’t go into details about it, but everything is fine. You can even contact both Edward and Pepper if you don’t believe me.” 

You believed him. The fact that he involved Pepper’s name encouraged you to. “Enough  about me though. You seem to have been keeping yourself busy.” He whispered against the shell of your ear.

“What do you mean?” You asked, flustered by his action. He suddenly, but slowly dipped you so that you could focus on where his line of sight was. Your eyes met Finn, who was busying himself with guests, as well as stealing glances at the two of you. As you focused on him, Tony peppered kisses along the heart of your exposed bosom. The gesture forced you to shoot up out of embarrassment. You knew he was marking his territory, but you immediately scolded him. 

“Who is he?” He asked you, ignoring your tiny hits and reprimands. Once you calmed down, you told him about Finn.  “He hasn’t taken his eyes off of us, or should I say you, since my being here.”

You averted your gaze from Tony, and he immediately knew you were hiding something from him. He pestered you, until you told him about Finn’s crush, as well as the shared kiss. By the end of it all, he was sending death glares his way.

“You should introduce us.” Tony suggested, gravitating towards Finn, before you held him taught. 

“Calm yourself.”

“What did you say his name was again? Finn?” He asked, but he already knew the answer to his own question. “Finn. Finn. Finn.” He repeats, as if the name felt like a bad aftertaste on his tongue. “You know what? I like it. No, I really do, it fits him, because he looks like a fucking fish.” He spat.

You grinned and asked, “You’re not jealous are you Tony?”

“And what would I have to be jealous of? Did you not hear me say fish?” He questioned. 

“He’s a sweetheart. Come on, let me introduce you.” You were about to take his hand to meet Finn, but were surprised to see that he was already making his way over to the two of you. 

“Y/N, who might this be?” Finn asked reaching out to shake his hand. He knew who Tony was, most people did, but this was Finn’s way of acting as if he himself was more important. 

“Tony Stark” Tony interjected, acknowledging the outreached hand, but blatantly refusing to shake it. 

  Finn dropped his hand, before speaking again, smile now twitching. “Nice to meet you Mr. Stark. I’m Finn Schmidt.”

“Well that’s rather unfortunate.” Tony mumbled, loud enough for the both of you to hear. 

“Tony!” You chided, slapping his arm. 

“What?!” Tony cried. “You heard him say his last name was Shit, right?”

“He said Schmidt.” He knew that. Tony ignored the glare on your face that demanded he apologize.

The sound of laughter rang in your ears, as you both snapped your necks towards it. Finn must of  thought he was funny. “Y/N, your grandfather is hilarious.” Finn said, now deadpanning at Tony. 

Tony looked down at his hands, then at your brown ones, then back up to question the handsome boy. “Do I look like her fuc—”

“You’re right Finn. My boyfriend is pretty funny.” You say, examining his face with a small smile. Your comment shocked both him and Tony. He was happy that you could finally call him that. 

“Now,” you continued. “I’m a bit tired from these past few weeks. I think I’m going to call it a night. Enjoy your evening Finn. I’ll see you Monday.” You smiled, as you tugged Tony away.

“Goodnight Fish Shit,” Tony smirked over his shoulder, as you dragged him towards the door.  

“It’s Finn Schmidt, you idiot.” You corrected, sending an apologetic nod back to your friend. 

“What did I say?”

ººººº

Pushing the door open to your apartment, you unstrapped your shoes to place them next to the door, urging Tony to do the same. You threw your keys in a dish, and turned to him to whisper your intentions to go and slip into something more comfortable. He stared at you with a small smile as his response, dark eyes searching yours, while his remained unreadable. The dim light from the kitchen, illuminated his face, making it look intimidatingly beautiful. Or was hauntingly the word?

You suddenly felt nervous, realizing that this was the first time in months since you had been alone together. Handing him back the coat he let you borrow for the walk here,  you cleared your throat, and averted your gaze before excusing yourself from the room. Tony relished in the fact that he had reverted you back to your first stage of innocence. 

Upon your exit, he took a slow stroll around the room. He was careful to take in all that he had missed. Curious of how much you had changed, and how much you stayed the same. 

Accents of your favorite color were spread throughout the room. You had an open kitchen, and the living room was right across from it. They were both tidied to perfection. You had sleek wooden floors, that looked like they had never been stepped on. Furniture, that looked like it had never been sat on. A stove, that looked like it had never been turned on. Your place was nice, but he could tell you were rarely home. 

The walk here, you told him of your job on top of your internship, and school.You didn’t complain about it. In fact, you appreciated the chaos, and constant busyness. But he hated that you worked like a dog just to make ends meet. There was now all this time he would have to make up for, by spoiling you. 

He bent over to examine the books on your shelves. Some were new. Some that he had suggested. But what he searched for were the ones you would spend your summers rereading, as if the words would leave the page; desperate to memorize every letter. 

He moved on, now curious about your smart TV. What new shows were you watching? Did you still love the ones he remembered to be your favorite, or did new ones take their place? 

He picked up the candle on your coffee table. The scent of honeysuckle assaulted his senses. It was much different from your usual vanilla. He sat it down to continue his journey to your kitchen. 

He raided your pantry, your cupboards, and your fridge to see if you had been taking care of yourself. The contents were scarce, and he had to remind himself to scold you later.

“Are you hungry?” You asked smiling, grasping the hallway’s entry frame. You were wearing an oversized ash gray shirt whose front was tucked into a pair of frilly pink shorts. Your previously pinned hair now fallen was framing your cheeks, as stray pieces were pushed behind your ears. You removed all of your ruined makeup, and the result left a sheen of dew on the surface of your skin. If he thought you looked surreal at the gallery, ethereal was the word he’d use now due to your natural glowing state. 

“Yes” He replied. But he was getting full off of your appearance alone. There was no need for useless human sustenance. The way you looked was enough. 

You came into full view, grabbing a glass from your cupboards to pour yourself some water. “Well I’m afraid you’re not gonna find anything here.” You took a sip, offering him some. “But it’s not too late. There are still restaurants open.”

He reached for the glass in your hand, but instead of taking it, he placed his hand over yours to make you feed him sips of water. He eyed you over the rim of the glass before setting it down to say, “I’m full now.”

You swallowed hard, walking to sit on a stool on the other side of the island. Tony fell backwards directly in front of you, letting the cabinets behind him catch him. He drank you in with his eyes, as you felt yourself shrinking under his scrutiny.

“What?” You questioned, shy from his gaze. He said nothing, and just watched you. 

After a moment of playing the staring game, you tried to break the silence again. You looked down at the shirt you were wearing to spark a conversation. “I’m sorry I stole your shirt. I needed something to remind me of you. I hope you didn’t miss it too much.”

“The only thing that I missed, was you.” He said after minutes of deafening silence. Is he mad?

Looking down out of guilt you told him, “Well I’m here now. Tell me how you’ve been.”

He felt like your question was a loaded one. Not once did he think about himself while you were gone. He was constantly thinking of you. I’ve been lost. He wanted to say. I’ve been hopeless. I felt helpless not knowing where you were. Not knowing if you were okay. So many things were on the tip of his tongue, but instead he settled for “Let’s just say, I’ve missed you.” 

“That’s not what I asked.” You were genuinely curious about how his life was without you. But Tony looked like he didn’t want to explore the subject further. 

“That’s how I feel.” He declared, drifting slowly towards you. 

You decided to continue talking in order to fill the awkwardness. “Well its obviously how I feel too, but I wanna know how you’ve been holding up.” You ignored his sudden closeness. “Could you at least tell me how every one is? You mentioned Nao had blue hair? It was pink when we met.” Tony stood silent by your side as you asked your questions. “How’s Samuel? And Pepper?”As you rambled on and on, he traveled behind your stool, placing his hands on the chairs bars. His scent began to envelope you, and thats when your rambles became incoherent. If you weren’t already nervous before, you definitely were now. 

He picked up on it, like he usually does, and asked  “Am I making you uncomfortable?” in a hushed tone. You felt his breath fan the back of your neck, goosebumps formed on the little parts that were exposed. Your thighs clenched together, as you were suddenly turned on by how he made you feel both small and secure at the same time. 

He grabbed your chin, lifting your neck upwards and to the side, just before he placed a soft kiss on your lips, the first kiss since your reunion. It was so soft, you felt that he was afraid you might break; or as if you were only a part to a vivid dream. Deepening his touch, he let the fingers that were lifting your chin,  trail down the line of your neck. Soft fingertips brushed against your skin, until they collectively found a loose position around your throat. He let his thumb explore your jaw, while his tongue explored your mouth. Soft lips quickly turned into rough ones, as they fought to release every frustration and emotion he felt for the past five months.

When he pulled away, he had the nerve to place a chaste kiss on your cheek, as if he hadn’t just tongue-fucked your face a moment ago. “Sorry.” He apologized, “I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now.” He then walked back to his position by the counter, as if nothing happened, turned to you and asked “So what was your question again?” Innocence and genuine curiosity etched his features, like the lust, from a moment ago, never existed. 

Quickly overcoming your fit of fluster, you hesitantly stood to your feet. Tony never took his almond brown eyes off of you, as you seductively sauntered over to him. You had an idea. It was one you rarely thought of. One you never acted on; but if your time in Germany taught you something, it was to go for what you wanted. 

Now standing directly in front of him, doe eyes boring into his, he shut them as you placed your hands against his chest, leaning in for a kiss. Much like his, it was soft. A feather like touch against his mouth. You barely pulled back to whisper, “follow me” against his lips. His eyes fluttered open just in time to see you retreating down the hall. 

It was now his turn to become flustered, as he felt himself growing hot. He gave himself a moment to cool down, before taking his time walking down the hallway. As he poked his head in every room, just before he came to the last one, he found you sitting comfortably on your bed, stripped down to nothing but your bra and panties. Your elbows were propped up holding your weight, and your leg was crossed against your other as you patiently waited for him to enter the room. Your head was tilted as a seductive smile played on your features. 

Tony returned the expression, and he was about to dive into you, until you raised your hand to halt his actions. “Take off your shirt.” You ordered.

“Excuse me?” He asked, eyebrows furrowing in amusement. 

“You heard me.” You dared. Though your tone was soft, he knew you meant business. He searched your eyes for a moment, not finding his usual hint of submissiveness. So he decided to humor you. He leisurely unbuttoned his cuffs, glancing up at you every now and then. Then he took his time loosening his bowtie, dragging it off of his collar. He went painfully slow as he unbuttoned his bib, leering in your direction as he did so. Making you wait is what would usually break your spirit, and it was his favorite game. But you had learned patience while in Germany, so tonight was your night. You uncrossed your legs and raised to your feet, grabbing fistfuls of his shirt to roughly pull him into a kiss. This one was more feverish than the one shared in your kitchen, and it caught him by surprise since he was usually the one to take control. 

You switched your standing positions with him so that you were now the one facing the bed. As you deepened your kiss, he got pushed further back, until his knees collided with the mattress. You stood between his legs surveying his cherry swollen lips, before you reconnected your mouthes.

You laced your fingers in his hair, breaking your kiss, to harshly tug his head upwards. The guttural groan that escaped his throat, left an ache between your legs, while liquid pooled to the center of your panties. 

With the newly exposed skin of his neck, you stuck your tongue out to lick a slow stripe from his adam’s apple to his jaw, eliciting a string of curses from Tony. You then placed wet kisses down from there to his abs, kneeling to face his crotch. 

The prominent bulge, made your eyes widen with anticipation, and mouth salivate from thirst. You fell to your knees, licking your lips, fingers now fumbling with the buckle of his belt. Tony grasped your chin, lifting it to meet your eyes. “Y/N, I don’t want you to think you have to do this.”

You smiled at him, assuring him that you wanted to, kissing his fingers before going back to your previous tasks. He tensed up when you placed your hand on his thigh, just as the other worked to release his cock. The veiny appendage sprung free, and its size still intimidated you as you struggled to fit it in your tiny hands. Still, you were determined to make him feel good. 

You wrapped your hand around it, holding his drunken gaze, before stroking him up and down. You placed chaste kisses along the base, until you reached his crown. When you swirled your tongue around his head, Tony’s dick bucked in your hands, and his large palm shot up to tangle in your hair, urging you to suck. You swatted his hands away, and fixed him with a stare, silently telling him you’d stop if he didn’t let you have this. When confident that he learned his place, you wrapped your lips around his tip, lowering yourself further down his shaft, twisting the parts you couldn’t fit (which was still a lot.) He was a moaning mess, when his dick hit the back of your throat. You bobbed your head up and down his length, mewling when you made him groan. The vibrations from your moans, sent jolts of electricity up his spine, and he struggled to contain himself. 

Gagging against him, you shot back gasping for air, only a string of spit connecting you. After six more motions like that, Tony shot three thick ropes of cum down your throat. The sound he let out as he came, made the area between your thighs slick.

He usually spewed words of encouragement when you gave him head. “Just like that” or “Suck daddy’s cock” filled your ears as you worked him through his orgasm. But to see him come completely undone, unable to form a sentence, let alone control the situation, had you feeling more than satisfied. His head was thrown back surveying the ceiling before he bought his attention back to you. His face was a soft shade of pink, and sweat covered his forehead; it worked like glue, as pieces of disheveled hair stuck to it. “Who taught you how to do that?” He asked between breaths. 

“Finn.” You joked, but as soon as you said it, Tony grabbed your arm to yank you to your feet. He grabbed the nape of your neck to pull you closer to his face. 

“I know you’re just kidding sweetheart, but I don’t find that funny.” He rasped in a low tone. The grip he had on your  neck caused you to whimper, but you didn’t mind the sting. It only riled you up. 

You stepped back from his embrace, to undo your bra, just for him to yank you back in once it was off. He began kissing between your sternum, dangerously close to the mounds of your breasts. You chuckled at the feeling of his facial hair tickling your skin, but then your giggles turned into moans as his beard created delicious burns across your surface. He reached his hands down to your waist ridding you of your panties. Once you stepped out of them, you pushed him backwards on the bed, to crawl over him placing both thighs on each side of his. 

He bit his bottom lip at the sight of you, eyes burning with desire, and hands trailing from your thighs to your waist. You grabbed his dick, brushing it against your lips, before slowly guiding it to your entrance. As you sunk down on him, he sucked in air harshly, while you yourself let out a gasp of pain. 

“You still fit like a glove, baby.” He moaned out, glowered at you through hooded eyes. His hands tightened their grips around your waist to help you ease yourself onto him. 

A pained gasp erupted through your chest; the farther you sunk down on him, the further you stretched out. Pleasure began to burn in your loins when you met his end. You threw your head back and planted your palms against his chest,  rocking and grinding on his cock at a painfully slow pace. Your clit grazed his base as you did so, encouraging you to pick up your speed. His hands that were previously on your waist, crept up your front to fondle your breasts. You grabbed his wrists to help lift yourself up and down his shaft. 

The faster you bucked against him, the closer you came to meet your edge. He found his words of encouragement, when he heard your lusty pants of pleasure. “Such a pretty girl.” He praised. “Look at you go.” He whispered. He watched sweat form against your cupids bow, and your expression contort further into one of pleasure.

Your pace began to falter which is when he placed an arm around your back to sit the two of you up. Using the edge of the bed, he met your hips with his own, fucking into you at a new angle. His pace was faster, and more accurate than your own, which meant with each thrust he his your g-spot head on. His grunts and your pants echoed off of the walls as he sent you barreling towards your orgasm. You shut your eyes, letting the ecstasy hit, as you panted his name, over and over again. 

Letting the pleasure wash over you, you came to a complete stop, your moans sending vibrations through Tony’s chest. He didn’t stop though, his thrusts were relentless, as he tried his hardest to bury into you. “Keep going.” He ordered you. 

“I can’t daddy.” You whimpered, already fucked out, when you barely even started. 

“Yes you can.” He simply said, forcing you to sit up straight. You straddled his lap, met his eyes, and placed your hands on his shoulders to steady yourself, trying to will yourself up and down, but your hips just wouldn’t let you. By this time, he stopped completely as well, to catch his breath. 

You laid your head in the crook of his neck, defeated. “I’m sorry.” You exhaled into his skin. 

He lifted your head to cup your chin. When his eyes met yours, he pecked your lips before saying, “It’s okay princess. You did so well…but now it’s daddy’s turn.”

With that, he picked you up and wrapped your legs around him to place you at the top of the bed. He got rid of the rest of his clothes before he crawled back into bed, sinking into you again. You both let out groans at the feeling of his fullness.

Tony threw nice and slow out the window, and immediately began drilling into you. Your moans turned into deafening screams as his hips bruised your pelvis. He pried your legs open, placing quick kisses along your neck as he did so, knowing it would drive you up the wall as well as comfort you. He bit and sucked harshly along your collar bone, sending your mind into a blissful haze. Your hands shot up to his back, clawing at the flesh. You left blood in your wake, as you raked your hands down the skin. He let out a growl at the feeling, thrusting harder into you as a result. 

Your second orgasm arrived quicker than your first, but the feeling was more intense. He left you writhing, and shaking on him, as ripples of pleasure coursed through your body. Giving you a minute to collect yourself he flipped you over, before saying, “I’m not done with you yet, princess.” 

A look of alarm spread on your features, when you looked behind you to see him lining himself up yet again. “Tony I don’t think I can cum again.” You whimpered. 

“Awe, I thought you were a big girl.” He teased, smirking as revenge for earlier. While he loved the way you look on top, it obviously hurt his dominating spirit when you took his control. He leaned down, grabbing the side of your face to better access your ear. You felt his hot breath fan the side of your cheek as he whispered, “You’re gonna take all of me, until I fill you up with my cum.” Then he let you go, causing you to fall forward. 

You were so turned on it didn’t make sense. You just had three orgasms rip through you, yet your pussy was begging for more. 

He slammed into you for a final time, this position trumping them all. He gripped your hips, locking in on you, giving you no chance of escape. That didn’t mean you wouldn’t try. You climbed to the top of the bed, trying to put a bit of space between yourself and Tony’s strokes, but he just pulled you back in, fucking you harder than before. 

Tears welled up in your eyes. The intensity was becoming entirely too much. Your nipples brushed your bedsheets the harder he fucked you into them. His balls slapped against your clit, every time he met your hips. And his grunts of pleasure from using you, sent you toppling over the edge for a third time. The stimulation sending you into a convulsing fit. You squirted against him, covering his member with your sticky wet cream. Luckily for you, he followed shortly after, coating your walls with his thick white seed. 

When you collapsed, he rolled to the other side of you, both of you breathing heavier than before.  When he caught his breath, you turned over to drape your naked body onto his. 

“Was I too rough” He asked, suddenly feeling like he went overboard.

“Absolutely not.” You giggled. “Please do that to me all the time.”

He smiled in response burying his nose in your hair. The smell of coconut immediately comforting him. “I love you Y/N.” He cooed.

You lifted your head from his chest to kiss him sweetly. “I love you too, Tony.” That was the last thing you both said, before drifting off into a peaceful slumber. 

Whether your relationship lasted a lifetime, or ended in a year, in this moment you were happy. Happy that you no longer had to hide from the world. Happy that he was finally in your arms again. Happy to want someone, who wanted you even more. 

Happy to exist at the same time as him. 

A/N: Please do not repost my work as your own. Comments, likes, and reblogs are encouraged. I love you all, and really hope you enjoyed this! Thank you for reading :)

[legends-live-in-memories]

I Have Too Many Opinions. ep. 1

lmao. i got encouragement to post my opinions on fandom things and now i want to make a miniseries doing just that. so here i am. doing just that.

im putting it under the cut cuz this was 4 whole pages including the disclaimer. yes i put a disclaimer and i explain why.

Anyways, here is the first piece in what inevitably will become fandom info dump, this time on thomas astruc’s writing on miraculous ladybug. but only some of my opinions cuz we would be here all day otherwise.

So… a disclaimer before I begin… 

I do not hate Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug and Chat Noir (yes i'm using their government name). I am quite a fan of the show actually despite its faults. I am also older than the intended audience but was obviously younger when the show first aired which is how my interest was piqued (the fact that its been 6 years and only 3 seasons says more about the show than me being a fan for that amount of time but also i never want to rush content creators cuz they're doing their best) and due to my age, there will be inherent bias in my approach of what i'm about to say as there is in EVERY opinion. The fact that it is an opinion should imply the presence of bias but most people tend to lack the critical thinking skills required to draw that conclusion ANYWAYS…

If I did hate the show I would not have this blog nor would I be even writing this because i tend to not give more than 2 seconds of thought to things i actively dislike (some of yall should give this a try) and i'm allowed to like things that are designed for an audience that i was originally a part of but grew out of. (I don't suddenly stop liking things because I'm older despite what many younger fans seem to believe about older audiences. I also don't need to be ‘allowed’ to do anything cuz i wasn't asking for permission anyways.)

This will not be character bashing, astruc bashing nor fandom bashing cuz, again, that would imply i hate any of those elements and if i did, i would not dedicate brainpower to them. Analyses and criticisms of media are fun and engaging and required if you wish to produce good enjoyable content. Now most of this should be already assumed and self-explanatory but people on the internet like to play morality roulette roll dice on purity culture and I rather have documentation that I am in fact not bullying fictional 14 year olds or a grown man. But alas, people get trigger happy whenever someone has less than 1000000% positive opinions on something they like and will throw out words they can't define (gaslight, baiting, toxic, problematic, gatekeep etc) in an attempt to defend their blind devotion, 

which is not needed, if you like something you never have to defend it, even if i don't like it. If you respond to anything I post saying you disagree with me, I will not argue with you. I won't debate back and forth and try to convince you that the things you like are wrong. Unless you are being absolutely tone deaf to what i'm saying, you wont get a negative reaction from me. So don't try to fish for a fight. Please. I got metaphorical hands for days and I'm mean, you don't want me hurting your feelings on the internet. Do yourself the favour. Difference of opinion is how we get diversification in media and is inherently a good thing. Now that that's out of the way, please don't ever let me have to say that again. I beg.

Now onto the fun stuff

I didn't know what I wanted as a first topic so my trusty internet friend @moonlitceleste suggested astruc’s writing… 

AND BOI do i got some opinions on ole tommy boi. Again I don't hate the dude. In fact, he has worked on a few shows that had defined my childhood, including but not limited to W.I.T.C.H. (all eps available on youtube for those interested, 2 seasons, general fun time all around).

So I don't think he’s scum of the earth but I do think his approach to writing mlb specifically has more misses than hits.

The first big miss is that he has no idea how to write 14 year old girls. At all. Almost every girl he has ever written feels like some terrible archetype built entirely for marketability and childish projection and pubescent self-insert (kind of). He has never been a 14 year old girl. I have. In fact when the show first aired, I WAS around the (assumed) age of the mlb characters. The behaviour he passes off as quirky or awkward or just the character’s genuine personality tend to perpetuate harmful stereotypes of teen girls found in the media and are never actually addressed as harmful. they just get swept under the rug. Marinette’s exuberant collage of teen heart throb model boi Adrien Agreste and her very painful almost fan worship she has of him (which flip flops like a paper sandal in the rain) being portrayed as a cute school girl crush uwu, Chloe being the y7 Regina George, Alya being the token best friend of colour with her ‘sassy’ personality (i want y'all to imagine me eyerolling so hard i bust a vessel in my eye), Kagami being the very damaging Perfect Asian Child stereotype. And before y'all get on your dusty soap box and defend going on about “BUT IT'S FOR CHILDREN”,,,, know this.

 i don’t give a solid fuck. 

Not one. 

Children arent stupid. Children are always going to remember the richy bitchy blonde who bullies the art kid, and the big kid, and the shy kid, and the non white kids, and was only nice to her equally rich white friend who she probably had a crush on or was only ever civil to her equally white lapdog. They're going to remember the half asian girl who was never allowed to actually be asian or the only black girl who existed solely as a soundboard for enabling bad habits or chastising the main character for the same habits she enables in the first place (boi aint THAT a topic for later). Like do i really need to explain that alya chastising marinette for taking max’s spot in gamer just to play with adrien rings absolutely hollow when she actively encourages her to sabotage the contest she’s in just so Kagami doesn't win?? Like I don't have to explain that right?? Again kids arent stupid and its quite something that Mari gets chastised for proving herself the best video game player regardless of her intentions just cuz it comes at the expense of max’s feelings/ego but is actively encouraged to sabotage not only kagami but herself by extension cuz kagami is ‘competition.’ Adrien is not a trophy to be won. And no I don't expect 14 yrs old to be perfect and to always make good decisions but these decisions are never addressed as being bad decisions. they get swept under the rug cuz those decisions were necessary for the ‘plot’ but astruc can barely keep characterization consistent and his characters suffer for it and it's the same children you preach are watching it that suffer as well. Cuz guess what? I KNOW 14 yr olds aren't like that cuz i've been there done that (this is the last time i'm saying that i promise) so I know astruc is just metaphorically throwing darts to figure out who says and does what without consideration for pre established personalities to drive the stalemate plot along. The same kids you say are watching this don't know that that's not how preteens work and will absorb and internalize those dynamics like baking soda and vinegar. Cata-fucking-strophically. 

And I haven't even gotten to the boys yet. Which honestly doesn't require much explanation anyways cuz they suffer the same fate as the girls. Tired archetypes with nothing to give them life. Nino falls into Adrien’s person of colour token best friend who dates the female lead’s person of colour token best friend so they can have cute double dates uwu. Except the plot goes nowhere and we have no inclination of romantic development beyond moments that only act to actively convince me to anti ship the lovesquare (i don't want to do that so i self indulge in fanon that actually cares about the characters and plot. may i interest you in True Sight on AO3?). Max is the residential nerd but it doesn't matter (cuz he and everyone are dumbed down for the sake of ‘plot’), kim is the sports jock (which interestingly subverts the asian comedic relief stereotype but only barely) and luka is cute older guy ™ that wears black nail polish and is in a band. The point of all this is to say there is no depth in the characters. It's especially blatantly obvious with the characters astruc doesn't like (chloe). Again, it being a show for kids is not an excuse to be absolved of putting effort into the characters you make.

This is one of the biggest misses astruc has. I haven't even gone into all the nuances of this particular miss. And i havent gone into how that works against him in the plot either. Mostly because the plot itself hasn't gone anywhere and partially because I wanted to go into the plot (or lack thereof) separately as its own miss. 

AND BOI is it a miss. 

SO home boy astruc wanted to reap the benefits of a serial show with ‘engaging’ plot without putting in any of the work to make a linear storyline and relying on the episodic format for, again, marketability. You can't have the best of both worlds, you are not Avatar: The Last Airbender. Which btw has a lot less episodes and a desired end goal that didn't involve top dollar. Legend of Korra did but that's not the point and it had its failings with that too. I challenge you, tell me how many episodes actually contribute towards a plot point or introduce new thematic elements to the show? Can you name them? I can and I'm going to include the plot points that moved the story in some direction if only temporarily. Yes only temporarily for some of these and i will explain later. (if you're in the server you already saw this list *wink*)

25/26. Origins- self explanatory, the beginning of the story, 

24. Volpina- introduction of the grimoire and Master Fu (kind of) and no, Lila is not a plot point,

28. The Collector- proper introduction of Master Fu,

37. Sapotis- introduction of Rena Rouge,

41. Syren- introduction of new aquatic power ups,

44. Anansi- introduction of Carapace,

47. Frozer- introduction of new ice power ups,

48/49. Style Queen- introduction of Queen Bee,

51/52. Heroes’ Day- introduction of Mayura and mass akumatization,

66. Startrain- introduction of Pegasus,

67. Kwami Buster- Marinette wears multiple miraculouses,

68. Feast- backstory as to how the miraculouses were lost,

69. Ikari Gozen- introduction of Ryuko,

70. Timetagger- introduction of Bunnyx,

71. Party Crasher- introduction of Roi Singe and Viperion,

73. Chat Blanc- alternate timeline that essentially means nothing but got a reaction out of fans anyways (myself included)

 77/78. Love Eater/Battle of Miraculous- Marinette becomes guardian and other heroes lose their miraculous,

New York Special- other heroes exist and there is an American miraculous box,

That's 21 episodes. 21 out of a heaping 78 plus 2 specials. Everything else was just your typical akuma of the day episode and everything that happened outside that had no lasting consequences on the plot thanks to the miraculous status quo. Was it entertaining to watch Lila stir the plot of the class dynamic? Hell yeah. Too bad it meant nothing by the end of the episode cuz we were struck with miraculous status quo. She literally doesn't appear again until Heroes Day. that is from episodes 25 all the way to 51, she means nothing and yet she is treated with the severity of a b-villain/rival thing. She means nothing by the end of Volpina if I'm being honest. She is only relevant for 20 mins of episode time she’s in then it's back to magic status quo that undoes any shift in dynamics and relationships. It's like Spongebob who can't get his driver’s license. The worst part is I actually like Lila and I wish the story treated her with the seriousness we as an audience are expected to treat her with. Despite being painfully inconsequential by the end of each of the 3?? 4?? episodes she’s in, it's entertaining to watch a character create drama just because. 

Too bad it means nothing.

Astruc is constantly building up suspense to something ‘important’ only for it to not deliver and fans are constantly having the rug pulled out from under us. Oblivio teased us with a reveal only that gets undone cuz memory akuma. Chat Blanc teased us with romantic development but that gets undone cuz time travel bullshit. Feast introduced more miraculous lore and the history of the guardians but that means nothing by the next episode or ever (i'm not including any reference to the season 4 trailer cuz i've been around the block a few times and im familiar with this lil dancy dance). Heroes Day teased us with a possible future team of heroes but that gets undone in Battle of Miraculous cuz ????? why?? (here's why; astruc was having a jolly ole time letting us know how irredeemable Chloe is at the expense of shooting his own stagnant plot in the foot. Again, discussion for later.)

Too bad anything that slightly swerves off course from the akuma of the day gets undone or ignored. Too bad nothing has any lasting consequence. I mean, if anything did, the episodes would have had a consistent order and release schedule so im not scrambling to watch the leaked ep in Portuguese or something while the french dub is two episodes behind while the english version hasnt even been dubbed. I really wonder how he plans to conclude the show when he’s so afraid to step out of the corner he painted himself in.

Again, not going into nuances. If you want you can ask for more specifics (i doubt anyone would) but this is really just a slightly detailed general overview of my opinions on astruc’s writing. 

I was going to include another miss in his approach to this show but imma save that for another time. 

How’s that for a ‘first’ post?

[cesraeborgia]

Hey! This is a cool thing you're doing and thought I'd ask something!

I feel like ur gonna get asked this a lot but, realistically, what do you think is going to happen with keenler in the upcoming eps? Like obviously we'd love them to happily get together, but this is the Blacklist, and nothing is ever that simple.

Thoughts?

Hey!!! I’m happy to say your my first ask :)) !!!  If you want to chat with me about keenler, my fics, send me prompts, or just say hello!! feel free to drop me an ask here

I had a lot to say so I did a keep reading thing haha. Also, warning, spoilers for the last two eps. 

Personally, I think there’s an extremely interesting dynamic at play here that is similar to when Liz was on the run the first time. I can’t help but draw parallels between Ressler’s interactions with Liz in season 3 and his interactions with her now, and I think that Liz’s plot line this season is going to put her at odds with Ressler both professionally and personally. The fact of the matter is (and this might be a rogue opinion) that in the long run, I don’t see this causing issues for them romantically. The thing about Ressler is that he’s already crossed that line for Liz in the past - when pitted against his job and Liz, the choices he makes always boil down to one thing: whether or not the decision he makes keeps Liz safe. Because Ressler is always acting with Liz’s safety in mind, This might prove to be a problem for Liz, who is used to those who love her (Tom, Reddington) dropping everything on a dime to help her in any situation no matter the cost to her personal safety. This is partially why Ressler was at a crossroads in the last episode: he knew that the path Liz was going down was dangerous, and he was unwilling to help her if it affected her safety in a negative way, or if it contributed to her continued progression down a darkened path, which Ressler does not view to be her destiny, like Reddington does. In keeping with this characterization of Ressler (which, Lord knows if the show will actually do that; they are pretty consistent when it comes to him but still not great) I could see them continuing to work together, even if its not to the result that Liz wants. 

I think that Ressler brings out the best of Liz’s humanity (this is why I always use day/sun imagery when writing Ressler, and night/moon imagery when writing Liz) and that eventually Liz is going to be faced with deciding between embracing Reddington’s idea of her ‘destiny’ or embracing what she wanted her life to be like in the pilot. Obviously, going to war with Reddington posits one end of that spectrum, with exploring her relationship with Ressler being on the other side. 

(Real quick sidebar: I don’t like to describe female characters in relation to male characters; I’m not trying to say that Liz has to decide between the two men, I’m just saying that they symbolically represent the decision she’s going to have to make. If I were less tired I would go on a poststructural feminist rant that would make my dear sweet Judith Butler proud, but, alas, I’m exhausted)

I think that there’s three key things that SHOULD (key word being should, seeing as the writers are who the writers are) be factors in keenler’s progression this season. 

1.) Liz is alone on the run this time. This means that she’s most likely going to turn to Ressler for support, seeing as her sister is gone for the moment being, Tom is dead, her mother is dead, Reddington is pretty much dead to her, and the only person left in her life who she really trusts is Ressler. Now, there could be an interesting plot twist here. (this has been marinating in the back of my mind for the last couple of seasons.) Remember in like season 6 (I want to say??) when Liz let that one blacklister go and was starting to collect names for her own blacklist... let’s just say I wouldn’t be shocked if that plot line was unceremoniously picked up again sometime this season. That might be the only real shot she has at having allies besides Ressler or people who want to see Reddington dead. Ask me more on this later, once I watch the next episode in January haha.

2.) The issue of the taskforce and Reddington. As we can all see, Reddington has no qualms using Ressler as a pawn in his scheme to get to Liz, and I can envision Ressler acting in the role of messenger between the two warring sides during the rest of this season, which would allow for Liz and Ressler to continue to explore their developing relationship within this paradigm. I could also see =, however, Reddington using Ressler to gain an audience with Liz, and or threatening Ressler in order to get Liz to comply. 

In this category there is also the issue of the taskforce itself. As we all know, Cooper was pissed that Ressler had been running off without his knowledge to see Liz, and I can assure you that this is going to cause some problems between the rest of the taskforce and Ressler. (Aram may be a sleeper cell, because it’s Aram, but other than that I can see this getting to be extremely painful for Ressler, Cooper, and Park). I can see Cooper either sidelining Ressler, monitoring his phone, or pairing him off with Park so that she can keep an eye on him, or a combination of all three. I think that this dynamic is where we’re going to see the biggest obstacle to their relationship. 

3.) Finally, the trust issues. I can’t say I’m shocked that the blacklist has never confronted the fact that Ressler is blatantly in love with a woman who continuously lies to him (I love both of them to death, I mean this from a good place) and who has never really shown any signs of remorse about it. Now, while its a good thing that Liz opened up to Ressler later last season, it’s still problematic that she won’t share her cards with him when she knows he won’t be happy about what she’s doing. I personally would love to see Ressler confront her about this (I hope to god he does), but again, this will probably get swept under the rug. I have a lot of problems with this, which is why when I write them, I always try to address the imbalance of power between them and try to put them on a more equal playing field. I would be curious to see how the writers do this (if they decide to). 

I’m sorry that this has turned into a novella-length response, but also I’m not because I have had a lot of this stuff simmering in my brain for the last couple of years. I must also apologize for the random rants in the middle of this - that would be due to my raging ADHD and exhaustion. In conclusion, I would say that I can see keenler happening, however, it is not going to be all sunshine and rainbows, but, rather, a game which may involve using Ressler as bait. 

I hope that answers your question :))

[theseerasures]

Conspicuous Media Consumption, 2020

it’s that time of year again! *saddest toot from the party horn*

for those of you just joining us: it’s a “consume a different content every week for 48 weeks of the year” challenge. for a longer explanation, check out last year’s write-up here, and as always, feel free to pop in and ask questions about any and all of this content.

(same disclaimer as last year too: content for this project ONLY here, and not certain...*looks at my billion Sad Cop Lady posts*...hyperfixations.)

(man remember when i was big into X-Men comics earlier this year? better times than these, if only because no one's discoursing about Emma Frost’s woobie/war criminal ratio anymore--her w/w, if you will)

(...i swear at one point i didn’t exclusively like platinum blondes but alas)

Bitter Root (comic, 1 issue finished 1/1/2020): still very cool on a basic concept level, but runs into the Image Comics problem of just not having enough content to keep my interest beyond that. part of that is on me, for picking it up again BEFORE the second arc rolled out, but the first five issues didn’t really follow (or resolve) any cohesive story either, so...meh.

Immortal Hulk (comic, 3 trades finished 1/17/2020): still not gonna be something i care deeply about (maybe one of Bruce’s Hulksonas dyed his hair???), but i do want to give kudos to Al Ewing for sheer consistency in terms of sustaining this level of quality storytelling month by month for more than two years now. working with the dense archive of the Hulk mythos and managing to make it interesting and thoughtful is impressive even if i personally would not expend the same effort.

Disco Elysium (game, finished 1/18/2020): honestly i should have twigged onto what this year was gonna be like when the third thing i drew from the barrel was pure uncut Eastern European flavored depression. i faintly recall people ragging on it for being pretentiously cynical, but i actually thought its core slid more towards idealism than people give it credit for. also gratified that i haven’t heard anything about Robert Kurvitz using slave labor to finish it, which is a thing we have to say about our video games now!!! fun.

Watchmen (TV, 7 episodes finished 1/27/2020): i am a fool who wants to believe in Damon Lindelof and I WAS RIGHT!!! honestly still cannot believe that he pulled off this highwire act with such deft aplomb. might be my favorite TV this year, which is a pretty high bar given how much TV i ended up watching.

On a Sunbeam (comic, finished 2/1/2020): Tillie Walden rightly deserves all the praise for inventive queer storytelling, but i will say that on reread--since i first read this as a webcomic--there ARE some issues with pacing here that clearly come from the foibles of its original intended medium. still just excellent, even if after some plot significant haircuts i was having trouble telling a few folks apart.

Lazarus (comic, 1 trade finished 2/8/2020): it’s so good and i want moooooorrrreee--though obviously Rucka and Lark have the right to take all the time they need. the newer longer issues work really well with the epic prestige drama vibes of the story! i’m into it.

The Good Place (TV, 4 seasons finished 2/18/2020): i’m gonna be super honest: i actually wasn’t a big fan of the finale, nor the last season as a whole. it felt like all of Eleanor’s flaws vanished for a majority of the season, and the Chidi-centric episode where they tried to give a legible justification for why he’s Like This was...i didn’t care for it. still, it’s so good and unique on the WHOLE that we’ll literally never get anything like this ever again, and that counts for a lot.

The Old Republic (game, finished 2/21/2020): it’s an MMO so it will never actually Be Finished so long as the servers aren’t shut down, but i caught up on the content i’d missed in the intervening months. Onslaught thus far has mostly been...kinda bland tbh; going back to Imps vs. Rebs after all the shakeups in the previous expansions feels like a waste.

High Road (album, finished 2/22/2020): someone should tell Kesha not to say that word!! otherwise i was very happy with this album, and happy FOR her even though we don’t know each other. being able to find joy again in the same genre of music you made while you were being horrifically exploited is very cool.

Young Justice (TV, 13 episodes finished 2/28/2020): given how much the middle stuff dragged--STOP KILLING YOUR HIJABI CHARACTER IN HORRIFIC WAYS--i was...actually kinda mad by how the end managed to stick the landing anyway. the day being saved by Vic’s self-acceptance and Violet’s sublime compassion was A+, and even the Brion/Tara switchup was a pleasant surprise, though it relied on me caring about Brion MUCH MORE than i actually did.

Manic (album, finished 2/29/2020): do people still care for/about Halsey? i feel like even That One Song that was on every tumblr gifset ever has kinda faded into obscurity at this point. this album was...okay. i feel like people give Halsey a pass for extremely obvious lyrical turns that they wouldn’t for other folks because of her subject material--which is fine. not really my cup of tea, but i also listened to lots of Relient K this year, so that’s probably a good thing.

Jade Empire (game, 3/10/2020): the only 3D-era Bioware game that didn’t franchise out, and for good fucking reason!!! the Orientalism and appropriation really haven’t aged well, and even beyond that the story was...standard Bioware faire. even my usual “my wife’s a bitch i love her” Bioware type didn’t do it for me, and i just ended up romancing no one. it did make me think a lot about what level of cultural borrowing is accepted nowadays, and why: people still look fondly at Avatar and talk about how ~accurate and respectful it was, for example, despite it being staffed almost entirely by white folks, and the Orientalism ALL OVER the monk class in DND is still fine for some reason.

Alif the Unseen (book, finished 3/31/2020): interesting to have read this AFTER reading The Bird King last year, because it highlights how the intervening years have shifted G. Willow Wilson’s thematic interest and improved her craft. i’m actually quite fond of how her characterization work is rougher here--Alif is extremely flawed to the point of being insufferable, but it makes his development by the end more satisfying. Dina is also just good and i love her

Baldur’s Gate (2 games, finished 5/31/2020): well, having finally finished the series i’m happy to say that it...still doesn’t really do it for me, sorry. any awesome story moments were overshadowed by the EXCRUCIATING inventory management system and the combat (i still don’t know what a THAC0 is and at this point i’m afraid to find out). these games crucially lack the Home Base that later Bioware games were so good about, and that (coupled with the huge cast of characters you can drop off and never see again) really hurts the intimacy for me. by the time we finally did get one it was the Hell Dimension in Throne of Bhaal, and i was just...trying to get through it. (yes, i did just say that about one of the most beloved expansions ever to one of the most beloved games ever.) THIS particular iteration of “my wife’s a bitch i love her” was very good, but the game wouldn’t let me romance her :(

The Underground Railroad (book, finished 6/19/2020): honestly what is there even left to say at this point! it was exactly as good as every critic on the planet said it was, even with my usual aversion to hype. draining and horrifying in turns but still insistent upon a future for Black folks.

Steven Universe (6 seasons and a mooooooviiieeee, finished 7/11/2020): yes, i DID finish the show and almost immediately begin a rewatch. this series is now one of my top five most formative things, and the amount of love and respect i have for it is incalculable. that said: i once again did not love how the central conflict of Future was resolved (just the resolution--i loved the finale just fine). for all of Steven’s breakdown was built up, resolving it with “EVERYONE HUG HIM UNTIL HE CRIES” felt...cheap, especially since up until this point the show had been so good about treating trauma and mental illness with the respect and nuance it deserves. it made me wish some of the earlier, less substantial episodes had been cut so we could spend more time at the end.

What It Is (comic, finished 8/19/2020): y’all i love Lynda Barry SO MUCH. for the longest time i was worried that One Hundred Demons was more a lightning in a bottle situation but every book of hers i pick up makes me feel obscure emotions i didn’t even realize existed. the compassionate way she’s able to describe her child self and how weird and fucked up she was (and still is) is honestly aspirational.

She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (TV, 5 seasons finished 9/26/2020): so here’s a reversal of what i’ve been complaining about with other shows: i was mostly lukewarm-to-warm about She-Ra, but the later seasons and the finale made me much more into it as a whole. more shows should improve in stakes and overall quality as they age tbh!! i still don’t actively love Catradora (my sole quibble with season 5 actually has to do with the way Adora kept backsliding as a character to make certain Plot/Relationship things happen), but i’m very happy for them nonetheless. i can certainly appreciate a show that will go for High Feeling over tight plot. dark horse standout moments: trees growing everywhere proving that Perfuma Was Right, and Hordak and Adora seeing each other--that weirdly intimate moment of recognition.

Fetch the Bolt Cutters (album, finished 10/7/2020): again i find myself not having much to say that no one else has said. it’s good! once again love it when an artist reclaims something they’d attached with negative affect (anxiety, depression, disordered eating) for better and brighter things.

Solutions and Other Problems (comic, finished 10/25/2020): i was very into Allie Brosh’s ambition with this book, which feels weird to say but i stand by it. it’s cool to see an artist try to make a new medium work for them instead of just sticking to what already works. not all the experimentation was 100% effective, but it was still delightful and occasionally devastating to read, so.

Legend of Zelda (3 games: Ocarina of Time, Majora’s Mask, Link Between Worlds, finished 11/1/2020): this was the third time i’d played Ocarina of Time, which made it the nice, comforting groove i settled into before Majora’s Mask blatted me in the face. i’m not usually a completionist Zelda person because...the gameplay in Zelda is bad, do not at me it just is, but i really felt like i HAD to be one for Majora’s Mask since the whole point is to get attached to the banalities of the town. i’m sure nobody’s surprised that i loved it, even if it gave me an existential crisis about how life goes on in the game for NPCs when you’re not there to save them from it, and there’s not enough time to save them all all the time (also not a surprise to anyone: Romani and Cremia gave Personal Feelings). Link Between Worlds...bad. not like in a “this is a bad story by every measurable gauge” way, but i was already struggling with the 2D playstyle shift enough that for the whole story to end with some “yes it’s v sad that Lorule is Like This but trying to steal Hyrule’s privilege is Even Worse Actually” noblesse oblige bullshit left a VERY poor taste in my mouth, this year of all years. i did audibly gasp when Ravio took off his mask, though. i’m currently playing Breath of the Wild in cautious increments; it’s the first time i’ve enjoyed early Zelda gameplay, but if they wanted fully voiced cutscenes i wish they got voice actors who...knew what words sound like.

folklore (album, finished 11/6/2020): my belief that Taylor Swift is Just Fine continues, i’m afraid. i LIKED this album, don’t get me wrong, and respect her constant drive to innovate, but i didn’t love it substantially more or less than any other Taylor Swift album. mostly i’m just tickled by how she thinks leaning into the indie aesthetic means borrowing Vita Sackville-West’s entire wardrobe, though i will admit to feeling Something when she swore in a song. i think it was like. savage vindication?? you go ahead and swear, Taylor Swift. you deserve it.

Shore (album, finished 11/19/2020): do people still care about the Fleet Foxes? i think there was some Drama with Josh Tillman a while back but i don’t remember where the discourse landed with who was being more problematic. it was nostalgic for me to listen to their new album--made me remember being an undergrad who exclusively listened to men who mumbled and played acoustic guitar all over again.

Star Wars (3 movies: original trilogy, finished 11/27/2020): there is So Much bad Star Wars these days that every time i rewatch the original trilogy i’m afraid that they will suddenly be bad, but guess what! they’re not. i love these children and their hot mess stories, i love that Lando doesn’t know how to say his best friend’s name. what stood out to me this time was the way Obi-Wan described the Force in A New Hope, which strongly implied that ANYONE can be Force Sensitive; that obviously faded with each subsequent movie, but part of me does wish they’d kept it.

X of Swords (comics, 22 issues finished 12/5/2020): i am enjoying Hickman’s X-lines!!! not so much here for the Grand Conspiracy or whatever, but the character work and highkey weirdness is fabulous--they FEEL like X-Men, despite all the shakeups in-universe. this crossover is a nice microcosm of all that: grandiloquently all over the place, but still full of cool standout moments and genuine hilarity. ILLYANA DOESN’T KNOW HOW TO SPELL MAGIC.

Fire Emblem (4 games: Sacred Stones, Path of Radiance, Radiant Dawn, Awakening, finished 12/14/2020): this was the thing that i was closest to giving up early on, but i ended up hyperfixating on it instead. that’s a credit to what the gameplay does to my lizard brain more than anything else, because the story and character writing is...insipid. it was very bizarre to witness this franchise blunder around with its animal-people racism allegory around the same time i was getting back into RWBY, and ITS animal-people racism allegory blunders. Awakening was the first time i felt anything for the franchise beyond “teehee red units disappear make exp bar go up and brain go ding,” so i’m excited for more mature storytelling in subsequent games (they MUST get better. they MUST). the child husbandry thing is...very bad tho, and Apotheosis being “challenging” entirely through the game changing all the rules is also bad.

once again no vidya games that came out this year--i’ll probably pick up Spiritfarer or Hades after the New Year, though (or maybe TLOU II! but probably not. sry Laura and Ashley). more TV and franchises this year, which made me feel In Touch with the Children but was also kinda exhausting. nothing was so egregiously terrible i dropped it without finishing! in a year like this that feels almost like an accomplishment

[arinaco]

The story of Pidge or Dark Youth as the main character

Translated and edited by @Nadezhda932 

First warning: Plance

Second warning: before reading this meta, I strongly advise you to read the previous metas about Lance and Pidge. Because I won’t repeat the thoughts expressed there, but I will refer to them.

Not so long ago (at the time of writing), a 200th Let’s Voltron podcast took place, where the voicers gathered together and remembered the glorious past when they voiced the series together. And Bex – the voice of Pidge – remembered Plance and compared it to a wonderful little garden. Naturally, this led to the beginning of the discussion, where we analyzed the characters and their interaction with each other. And the idea came up to try to pull the Pidge storyline on Heroine’s Journey. Well, I mean to try to check whether there are those necessary components in her story that allow us to say that yes, this is the real Heroine’s Journey. And, to my pleasure, I suddenly realized that the story arc of Pidge really suits these requirements, and it’s even more interesting in its nuances than the Journey of Allura. Why? Because Allura has a classic story – a girl must become more confident in herself, go against society, save her prince, defeat the evil queen, etc.. Pidge… her situation is the opposite. And I’ll try to explain why.

I’ll begin by describing how the attempt to “pull” the story into the stages of the journey actually takes place. To do this, you need to determine that the storyline of the character doesn’t consist of separate episodes, but has a single common outline that runs through the series, and find several important components in this outline:

A) The drawback of the main character, preventing her from gaining inner balance and harmony;

B) The lowest point of the Journey. The moment when the heroine realizes this shortcoming and begins her work to fix it.

These two things also make it possible to determine what becomes an imaginary reward for a heroine and what becomes a real reward, and thus we begin to perceive individual scenes with the heroine as a single construct – a story about self-digging, which is the Heroine’s Journey.

And the main drawback of Pidge is not only her egoism, because there are a lot of happy egoists in life. The main disadvantage of Pidge is the zero ability for social interaction that developed as a result of this egoism.

As well as an absolute lack of understanding of what is “criminal liability”.

The Holts adored their daughter with blind love, were proud of her mind and indulged in everything, and thereby served her very evil service, because the parents should not only love their child, they should prepare the child for adulthood and set the right moral compass. And, alas, Pidge has serious problems with this. In the series, she appears as a brilliant teenager, but at the same time lagging behind in social development. Not because she’s mentally ill, but because she grew up in an environment where that metaphorical muscle responsible for social skills simply wasn’t trained.

 Honestly, there are not so many ideal parents in the series. These are the parents of Hunk and Dayak, who performed a miracle, having managed to raise a mentally healthy person in an environment that clearly didn’t contribute to such a development of events. The classical educational school of ancient Daibazaal showed a real master class, and it’s a pity that the main characters cost only an orientation course.

The Pidge’s storyline isn’t the main one in the series, but it’s important enough to make an integral picture of her behavior if desired. You need to understand that social interactions are not just “hello – bye” or “let’s be friends against a common enemy” – I would even say that in such situations, skill isn’t required. The skill of social interaction is necessary in order to join the society where you’re only a drop in the ocean of people, and to learn how to live in it, avoiding conflicts. This is the ability to please, and the ability to circumvent sharp corners in communication… and this all needs to be learned. A person isn’t born with these skills, they learns them in the family and in society, and … by the age of 14, Pidge didn’t possess these skills. She often behaved rudely with others, if not boorishly, completely ignoring the status of these people, and this can no longer be attributed to a simple straightforwardness of character.

You may ask: where did all this come from? It’s easy to imagine.

Pidge had greenhouse conditions at home. Parents loved and understood each other and pampered their beloved daughter. The brother was much older, and Pidge didn’t have to be jealous or fight with him for a favorite toy. In addition, the Holt family was united by a love of science and lived, as they say, on the same wavelength. The absence of conflicts and acute angles in the family is wonderful, but alas, it doesn’t at all contribute to the ability to solve the conflicts and circumvent acute angles.

Another teacher is the surrounding society. The child looks at this society, observes and begins to repeat. The child tries to communicate, with alternating success, and draws certain conclusions from the result. And the problem of Pidge is that all her conclusions boiled down to the fact that “they love me because I’m special and smarter than all of them.” She considered herself the smartest and didn’t strive at all, not only to observe how others communicate, but also to try to adapt herself to other people. She didn’t hesitate to interrupt the teacher and make her incompetent, although at the age of 14 you can already understand that this is simply ill-mannered. Moreover, judging by the behavior in the classroom, it wasn’t the first time she acted in this way, but which is characteristic – none of those present was imbued with respect for her knowledge. Because social interaction doesn’t work unilaterally. You can demand only for submission, respect or acceptance is always a two-way work.

Pidge didn’t even realize that she was doing something wrong. She sincerely shared knowledge…

…but you must also be able to share knowledge, so as not to make yourself an arrogant pride.

And the problem is that the Holts didn’t attach any importance to this. After all, they also believed that “Katie is just a special and brilliant girl, and this civilians aren’t able to understand her because of their earthliness, but when she enters the Garrison …”. She entered the Garrison, so what? Her environment consisted only of extremely condescending and patient people – Hunk and Lance, and she rejected their friendship at the first meeting.

You see these people for the first time and don’t even want to spend a couple of minutes getting to know each other.

School is that litmus test that shows how the child will get along in society, and you can’t turn a blind eye for the fact that your child isn’t accepted in this micro-society. You need to work, you need to try to understand what’s wrong, and keep in mind that the problem can be not only in evil peers, but also in your own child, who is an innocent angel only for you.

Because a person is a social animal, and we have a psychological need for respect and recognition. While Pidge was a child, she was fine with her parents, brother and dog, but now a new adult life is knocking on the door, where she wants something more. She’s already 14 years old, even though psychologically she’s 11-13 years old, but she’s already a teenager. And she has a completely positive example of a motherly figure – successful professionally and in her personal life, and she probably wants the same for herself.

Nothing prevented Colleen from being both a brilliant scientist and a charming woman at the same time.

Moreover: Mrs. Holt has a short haircut, which means that having long hair is a personal desire of Pidge. Yes, she doesn’t get along with other children, but she tries to wear beautiful dresses and looks after her magnificent hair. She doesn’t say it out loud, but she clearly feels the need to be accepted not just as a child, but also as a young woman.

And she feels upset when she can’t get in contact with peers.

And here your parents won’t help you.

Yes, mother can say a hundred times that you’re beautiful, but this is not the same as the approval of your friends and the attention of the boys. And Pidge had problems with this, because she pushed peers away and couldn’t even get respect from them for her intellect and knowledge, which, with different behavior, could earn the approval of the teacher and admiration from other children. Because social skills in society are like traffic rules in a stream of cars. You can be a brilliant driver, but you will still be cursed by others if you turn without turning on the turn signal, or if you don’t miss a pedestrian.

But to solve a problem, you need to know about its existence. You need to understand that it’s here, and you need to solve it. And since her beloved relatives assured that everything was fine, Pidge didn’t realize what was wrong until she faced the real consequences of her actions. And this is exactly what the Heroine’s Journey tells. Moreover, the Journey of the Dark Heroine, because Pidge is the real Dark Youth, traveling in a group of the main characters of the series. 

It’s actually not so difficult to distinguish Dark Youth from Light Youth. You just need to look at what’s the main motive for a person to start a journey. Allura traveled for the desire to become the winner of evil, Lance – for the recognition of loved ones, Pidge… for her selfishness. Yes, because her love for relatives is very selfish, and we can clearly see how she treats the love of her relatives in a consumer way when she easily abandons her mother to regain her “property” – her father and brother.

Look at this poor woman. How she got older, how her hair grew – having lost her children and husband, she even stopped monitoring her appearance. But what does Pidge think about in S7 when they prepare to return to Earth? About how she’ll be punished. She doesn’t think about WHAT her mother experienced during all this time. Sorry, but for some reason I’m not too lazy to call my family at the age of 30 and say that everything is fine. And Pidge isn’t a toddler or even 10 years old to behave in this way.

But if Pidge is Dark Youth, then who is our Light Youth and where is our Animus? And here we get a very interesting point: the fact is that the series forms a whole bunch of heroes, where one character has two Dark Youths at once, and the other has two Light ones.

And these ligaments look like this: Lotor-Allura-Pidge and Allura-Pidge-Lance. Funny huh? A sort of love quadrangle.

In the case of Allura and her Dark Youths, the question arises of contrasting the common good and personal desires. Lotor and Pidge are two opposing sides of personality development that pull Allura like a rope in a competition.

Lotor is not just the Dark Youth of Allura. He’s an allusion to her ideal, to which she aspired. Lotor is not a teenager with personality problems, no, he’s a mature – even old – man. He’s a great diplomat and speaker, he’s polite and ready to compromise with everyone, but he never trusts anyone, because he’s constantly stabbed in the back. He’s ready to sacrifice all desires and affections for the fulfillment of the plan for the salvation of the universe, which he once set for himself. He’s confident in himself, he knows what he’s doing, he calculates everything in advance, but at the same time he improvises very well. An ideal politician and strategist with the most noble intentions. And he’s not a friend of the Alteans, not a commander or a king, but the Holy Savior Lotor. An example to follow, who took the cross upon himself – to atone for the sins of his father – and carried it, pushing aside everything personal for the sake of the greater good. He doesn’t allow himself to be angry at people or become attached to them, because all this can ruin his important mission.

So perfect and lifeless…

This is what Allura’s dream of becoming a ray of light for the universe could turn into. Nothing for yourself – everything for others. A lifeless holy idol who has long forgotten about love and personal wishes. The Alteans with their cult of sacrifice will fully approve it.

And Pidge really turns out to be his complete antipode.

Lotor is old, she’s almost a child. Lotor is polite and eloquent, she’s straightforward and often rude. Lotor doesn’t trust anyone, she completely believes her loved ones. Lotor acts for the common good, Pidge – exclusively for personal purposes. Lotor turned his back on his family, because he considered their actions immoral, Pidge fully and completely supports her family, no matter what happens. They can only be united by confidence in what they’re doing is right, but this is not much in which they agree.

An ancient man who wants to save the universe and a little girl demanding to return her dad.

And this pulls Allura in different directions – the dream of serving others and her own desires. None of it can be put on a pedestal, as the path of Allura is the path to a balance between these two aspirations. In the end, it was for a reason that Lotor reached out to her – the lifeless Saint figure really wanted to feel alive again, to love and trust someone. The savior wanted someone to save him.

Pidge’s parallels appear a little different. They say that all families are equally happy, but each suffers in its own way. And how much Lotor and Pidge differ in the role of Dark Youth, so much in the role of Bright Youth are Lance and Allura alike.

The Red Paladin, which should be Blue, and the Blue Paladin, which should become Red. As brother and sister, they go hand in hand in their insecurity, albeit regarding various aspects of life.

And you know, it's funny when you think that the Blue Lion is the right leg and the Green Lion is the left arm. Indeed, opposites.

I've already written about Lance and Pidge. Here I will say that the question of Lance and Pidge's relationship is a question of selfishness. Lance and Pidge both wanted public acceptance. But if Pidge, in pursuit of her family, abandons the idea of ​​establishing contact with others and achieves her goals through conflict and breaking the rules, then Lance, on the contrary, goes out of his way to achieve what he wants, almost pursuing people in attempts to get attention from them.

Funny contrast: Pidge completely neglects her appearance at the start of her journey, while Lance is the only one on the show who takes the time to look after his appearance even in the middle of a war. Beauty is one of the most affordable ways to gain recognition. And if Pidge refuses even it, then Lance clings to attractiveness with his legs and arms, considering it a measure of a person's level of happiness.

Lance is a very compassionate selfless person, but in pursuit of status, he went against his own nature - he began to consider loved ones from a consumer point of view. And crossing with Pidge on this subject should have made him stop, take a look at himself and what he was doing. Take a look and think about it at last.

On the other hand, Lance is also a subject of interest. This is a childlike innocent affection that Katie developed towards the end of the story. Lance may not be the most attractive man, but he's an open and cheerful person who gave Pidge exactly what she lacked in school - sincere friendship and acceptance with all her flaws. Katie is still quite small in this regard, this is not some kind of serious romantic love, but this is a strong feeling, which over time, over the years, can turn into something more mature.

Having fun with friends is what Katie has dreamed of since school.

He is Pidge's Animus. A person with similar problems, but with the opposite approach to solving them.

It’s interesting that at the beginning of the journey it was Lance who didn’t notice until the last moment that Katie was a girl.

Everything is a little more complicated with Allura: Allura doesn’t appeal primarily to Pidge’s egoism, but to social skills. Yes, the idea of sacrifice is close to Allura as an Altean, and it is opposed to the egoism of the Green Paladin. But the main thing is different: Allura is polite, educated, diplomatic and, in the end, accepted and loved by society as an amazingly beautiful woman. And this is what Pidge would like for herself, without even realizing this need. On the other hand, Allura’s professional skills are forgotten by S8, those around her begin to perceive her only as a pretty alien girl, against the backdrop of the triumph of Pidge, whose ingenious mind is recognized in the professional circle of scientists.

And if Allura in the changed S8 turns into a damsel in distress for a noble knight who will worship her like the Virgin Mary, then Pidge becomes that very caricatured strong and independent woman, only instead of 40 cats she has robots. It’s caricatured, because it’s the image of a woman who declares that she doesn’t need anyone, and then, in longing for human warmth, she turns herself on to a pet in order to sublimate her psychological needs. In the case of Pidge, she builds herself a metal brother. And in ten years she’ll also build a metal lover, why not.

The truth is that a person is happy only when they realize themselves both professionally and personally. There’s a huge number of people who put their lives on the altar of some important mission, but later not so much of them could call themselves happy. On the other hand, there are a lot of women who abandoned their ambitions for the sake of marriage, and then regret it until their death.

So what is it – Pidge’s Heroine Journey? Let’s look at it in stages.

Stage 1 – Separation from the feminine.

Pidge is a teenager of 14 years old. She has problems with her peers, she can’t find a common ground with them, and therefore clings to her family – her cozy mini-world, comfort zone. But here a tragedy occurs: father and brother disappear on an expedition. Pidge finds out that something is unclear in this case, but the father’s authorities refuse to explain the situation, and she decides to find the answers in a not too legal way – secretly, despite all the prohibitions.

Feminine figure and beautifully decorated room…

…all this was left in the past.

This is very symbolic: Pidge leaves her mother alone to experience the tragedy and cuts off her hair – a symbol of her femininity.

Katie is not at all happy to lose her beautiful curls

Stage 2 – Identification with the masculine and gathering of allies

Pidge studies at the Garrison in the company of Hunk and Lance, hiding under the guise of a homely boy. At first she repels them, but since they’re a team, she has to communicate with them. But instead of making friends and learning to communicate, Pidge spends all her efforts looking for information about the family. Meanwhile, she begins to have confidence in Hunk and Lance, finds common interests with them, and gradually these two in her eyes pass from the category of strangers into the category of the ones whom she can even tell her secret.

And when Pidge once again can’t keep her mouth shut…

…it’s Lance who protects her.

Stage 3 – Road of trials, meeting ogres and dragons

Shiro's return and the beginning of their journey. Pidge grabs any lead to find her father and brother, and is even ready to give up everything and everyone for the ghostly opportunity to save the family. On the other hand, one way or another, she begins to become attached to the people around her. True, this attachment is selfish. Pidge worries about the safety of her friends, but she isn't interested in what they grieve and worry about. Her fixation on the family is in stark contrast to the fact that the main leadership backbone of the team - Allura, Shiro, Keith and Koran - are orphans who have no loved ones except for each other and a common cause.

Keith with his desire to save Shiro is certainly disingenuous, but he described Pidge's problem correctly...

Stage 4 – Finding the boon of success

Pidge finds her brother and saves his father. But at what cost? The height of selfishness is to send a person to certain death, without even trying to give him a chance for being rescued. And personally for Pidge, this person is only to blame for the fact that he's not included in the circle of her loved ones - the circle of those whom she considers her "property". But she still gets her way, she saves her family, without any remorse. And then she has fun with friends who have already become family members for her - part of that very micro-world.

And it was during this period that Pidge appeared in the game as the most closed character, fenced off by armor from other people.

And the mess in her room as an indicator that Pidge wasn’t going to invite guests at her place…

Stage 5 – Awakening to feelings of spiritual aridity; death

Homecoming. As people say, be careful of what you wish for. Pidge constantly tried to leave friends and other people behind, in the pursuit of saving the family; as a result, when she returns home, she’s grounded. Now, her circle of loved ones is forcibly composed only of her parents and brother. Moreover, the most annoying thing happens: Lance invites Allura on a date. Lance complained to Hunk for several weeks about being unworthy of Allura, while Hunk listened sympathetically. And there was no one who could interrupt the flow of this whining, because this someone was sitting at home. As a result, Hunk persuades Lance to go out and invite Allura on a date, and she unexpectedly agrees.

And after so many days of isolation, Pidge is free only to find out that Lance is going on a date with Allura. Pidge liked Lance, she even tried to compliment him, although unsuccessfully – and now he sailed away to a beautiful princess, and Pidge could only watch this process.

A scene called “She tried”.

She even helps to arrange this date: to get Allura the dress for which she gives the game – the subject of their common interest with Lance. But that’s where her altruism ends: she doesn’t stand it and decides to follow them, because until the last she hopes that Allura will refuse Lance, but this doesn’t happen.

Yes, Pidge is respected as a scientist, but how much does it mean if the person dear to her, whose attention she values, is now fully devoted to his new girlfriend? You can say as much as you like that they’re a team of paladins, but we know very well that couples are always a little apart, as they feel like spending time together.

And Katie knew perfectly well that now Lance is unlikely to find time to play with her.

Stage 6 – Initiation and Descent to the Goddess

Here’s a difficult moment. The fact is that this moment takes place in S8, in an episode that was originally intended for S7. And I can’t help but wonder if it should have taken place in the earlier version of the script, because according to the logic of the travel, Pidge should have it. This conversation takes place in a dead forest, where Pidge and Allura are left alone at some point, and Pidge, who saw how Allura saved the tree, asks if she can help Olkarion. After this, Katie has to admit that yes – she followed them, and naturally the question of Lance’s feelings will be raised.

Allura is Pidge’s Light Youth. She agreed to a date with Lance out of feeling guilty and out of gratitude for his concern. Her consent is pure sacrifice, altruism. And she admits it while talking to Pidge. That yes, she doesn’t have feelings for him, but he loves her. Remember the first episodes, where Pidge confidently says that a princess in her place would do the same. But now she sees that Allura, on the contrary, is ready to sacrifice the personal for the sake of someone else’s good. And this makes her think, because Lance chose Allura.

Throughout the series, Pidge was not very friendly with the princess. When Allura found out that Pidge was by no means a boy, she was the first to welcome Pidge as a girl, because having only men in her social circle wasn’t very comfortable for a girl. But then Pidge kept in mind only the search for a family and simply didn’t understand that she was offered girlish friendship. But now, in this situation, Katie was the only one to whom Allura entrusted her “female” secret, and the Green Paladin saw her tragedy and in some ways even managed to share it. Pidge saw in her not a rival, but a person who had lost absolutely everything and was ready to sacrifice the little that was left of her.

You know, at the first meeting with the Olkari, Pidge says that she’s very far from nature, she’s closer to technology and robots, to which she doesn’t need to adapt. This can be considered a metaphor for how she pushes living people away from her, how she turns away from a simple human desire to realize herself socially. 

And it is very symbolic that the bottom point of the journey occurs precisely in the middle of the dead Olkarion.

Stage 7 – Urgent yearning to reconnect with the feminine

After talking with Allura, Pidge begins to look at the situation in a new light. She’s still upset that Lance is now devoting all his time to his new girlfriend, but now sees him not as an “escaped property”. Now for her he’s a really unhappy guy deserving of support, not ridicule. She generally begins to reconsider her position towards people, although this is a very slow process.

When they leave to celebrate Clear Day, she leaves her family — which she saved with such zeal — for the sake of helping Lance get a present for Allura. For the sake of the opportunity to stay with a loved one and find a gift for his girlfriend. And she sincerely seeks to please Allura, because she really imbued with sympathy for her. And when Lance tells her how useless he feels, Katie tries to support him, inspire, and somehow help him solve the problem of relations with another girl. And for a spoiled egoist, this is a very serious step towards change.

By the way, did you notice that in Clear Day episode there’s not a single scene of the interaction between Pidge and Lance, although Katie knows from somewhere that Allura asked for a present? It was cut out while editing S8.

What kind of torment would you go for friends?

Unfortunately, I can only assume what the next steps should look like, too much has been cut.

We know that Allura will decide to announce to the paladins that she’s going to save Lotor, and perhaps Pidge will be the second after Lance to support her in this. Maybe she will even play a role in ensuring that the conversation between Allura and Lance takes place.

She will be next to Lance after the return of the prodigal prince and will morally support him. Perhaps they will even play the game as they dreamed in their podcasts. They’re still children who are just entering adulthood, and after everything they have experienced, they must find a place for joy.

In addition, Pidge has guilt before Lotor, and after her selfish behavior it’ll be important that she realize this and apologize. In general, this will be a lesson for her: a lesson in acknowledging her wrong, and a lesson in humility. The beginning of a long journey of working on oneself, which will allow Pidge to finally realize herself not only professionally, but also personally. It’ll allow her to stop repelling the world, accept it, and learn to swim with everyone in a single stream of the river called “life”.

After all, green is the color of life. As well as blue.

[impracticaldemon]

What's your opinion on heichi and okichi?

Thank you for asking, Anon-san! (I’d actually been thinking about these two pairings recently).  I’ve now rewritten my answer for HeiChi four times - in between drafting my new Teachings of Demons chapter - which is why I’m a few days late responding.  Basically, I have mixed feelings about both OkiChi and HeiChi, but for totally different reasons.  The whole response needs to be cut down more, but alas, I’m out of time! Gomenasai.

Standard disclaimer:  I truly don’t mind other opinions/views on pairings, unless they’re hurtful or disrespectful.  Different people like different things, and I’m good with that.  I’ve written solid stories for all the original Hakuouki characters, and that’s how I show my belief that all the characters and pairings have value.

OkiChi:  

Summary ~ I still don’t really ship OkiChi, because I struggle a lot with the threats and put-downs early to mid story, and because I think Souji is too emotionally invested in Kondou to be a good partner for Chizuru.  The power imbalance is especially problematic in this route, because Souji deliberately points out Chizuru’s weaknesses on several occasions (for reasons - he’s a complicated guy - but still, not cool). That said, OkiChi makes for an interesting and dramatic relationship and story, and the second half of the route is rather lovely, as well as moving. A pairing where Chizuru has to provide a ton of affection/reassurance just to create the relationship - but the upside is high.  Hakuouki Shinkai (KW & EB) does a better job of providing a transition/basis for Chizuru going from “I’m terrified of him” to “I love him”.

HeiChi:

Summary ~ Objectively, I see this as a cute ship, with a number of things going for it; that said, HeiChi doesn’t resonate with me personally.  I like Heisuke, and I like Chizuru, but… I don’t feel the romantic chemistry. That’s probably on me, but it’s not that I haven’t thought about it.  I just think Heisuke is more complicated than he appears.  His gorgeous sunshine smile hides pain and indecisiveness.

Pros:  Heisuke is kind to Chizuru almost from the start, he’s friendly (she needs that so much!), the power imbalance is much less, and he likes her a lot. They have more in common than the others.  He clearly matures over the route. There is open love, trust, and support later in the route, and it’s very sweet.  Cons:  Heisuke has a lot of growing up to do, and while he’s very sincere, he’s also very self-focused (for perfectly normal reasons). His choice to go with Itou always struck me as very telling. Totally different from OkiChi, but still has a real turning point mid-game. There’s a lot going on with Heisuke, much of which conflicts with having a real awareness of Chizuru until much later (and only after being forced out of his own head a little).   

[More discussion of both pairings below the cut]

My subjective opinion on OkiChi (i.e., how I react personally) is far less negative than it once was.  Part of the change is getting to know so many interesting and well-spoken people who love both Souji and OkiChi (waves ♥), and part of it is that Kyoto Winds provided a slightly softer take on the initial relationship.  I can write OkiChi, it just means I have to make an effort with my head-space to do it justice.

For me, OkiChi stands or falls by whether you find Souji, and Souji’s brand of teasing, to be attractive.  It doesn’t work for me, because although I can see that some of what Souji does stems from genuine vulnerability - or just a sense of fun - I personally react badly to teasing of almost any kind from somebody in such an unassailable position of power. When part of that teasing involves threats of bodily harm, I kind of check out.  

I’m also uncomfortable with OkiChi because Souji uses put-downs that add to Chizuru’s already significant insecurity about being a burden - he tells her to eat up “even though she’s a freeloader” who does nothing to earn her food (a big deal at the time), and he calls her “useless” more than once.  This bothers me more than it does other people.  Bottom line:  Souji needs a lot of reassurance and no-demand affection, and Chizuru has to be very consistent and very forgiving. Her character is capable of it, and it’s not an uncommon otome set-up, but it’s not for me, and I’m not convinced that it’s good for Chizuru (in the short to medium term).

My objective opinion is that the initial part of the relationship is still highly problematic (for the reasons given above), but I can see it happening, as long as you assume a significant romantic and physical attraction on the part of Chizuru to Souji, despite his behaviour (which she describes as frightening).  Once Souji starts to trust Chizuru - which is a realistically slow process, but happens reasonably early on an unconscious level - he finally starts to see her more as a person than as a threat.  Eventually, he becomes genuinely devoted to her, even to the point of screwing up by not killing Kaoru when he first has the chance (with horrible results, but it shows a massive shift on Souji’s part in terms of how much he cares about Chizuru’s happiness).  

I also agree with those who’ve noted that Chizuru is tremendously important to Souji / Souji’s story.  His bad endings are very bad, and all too believable; Chizuru’s uncompromising, steady-as-a-rock affection and belief in Souji’s importance and good character are pretty much all Souji has to go on after Kondou-san dies. It makes the route rather different than the others, because Souji abandons the Shinsengumi completely at that point (after punching Hijikata, ofc), and makes Chizuru the focus of his actions and future plans. 

Things that make Chizuru’s initial (and necessary) early crush work for me:  (1) Souji is unusually attractive in a tall, well-built, emerald-eyed way, and has the classic “bad boy” charm and mischievous sense of fun; (2) Souji is an emotional guy, and I headcanon Chizuru as highly empathic - consequently, Chizuru is able to sense his carefully-hidden wounds when most don’t - this gives her the impetus to keep trying to reach out to him in the face of death threats, put-downs, and rejection; (3) Souji is interesting, and Chizuru is shown to have a lot of curiosity; (4) Chizuru is a loyal little soul, and admires loyalty - Souji’s loyalty to the Kondou-san would go a long way with her; (5) Chizuru notices the things Souji does that don’t entirely align with his “kill you any day now” rhetoric - including saving her life when she first goes on patrol with him.

So:  I don’t ship OkiChi, but I mind it less now, and have some solid strengths to build on when writing.

Assuming you’re still reading… >_<

HeiChi:

I have oddly mixed feelings about HeiChi.  I say “oddly”, because this should be an obvious (i.e., good) ship, even aside from being a canon / main route.  Short answer:  HeiChi makes a lot of sense to me, and Heisuke’s a good guy, but I think this pairing is more complex and maybe a bit less perfect than it appears (which is pretty human).  It’s not a personal favourite (subjectively), but they’re very sweet. ♥

Longer answer:

Heisuke is very taken with Chizuru early on, and he is the closest to her in age. [Saitō and Heisuke are both 19, but Saitō gives every impression of being at least a couple of years older.]  Among the positives: Heisuke comes across as the cheerful one of the bunch, and he definitely has the most brilliant smile; he also conveys a sense of innocence and optimism.  He helps Chizuru to feel less lonely.  Main points:  Heisuke treats Chizuru well, and looks out for her; he enjoys and seeks out her company; there is noticeably less of a power imbalance between them than with the others.  Heisuke is the one who most obviously cares about protecting Chizuru’s innocence (something which he also tried to do for Ibuki Ryunosuke).

So why am I ambivalent?

[Time passes while Imp tries to write and rewrite this part of her answer.]

… Okay, here’s what I’ve got:

Heisuke lives a lot inside his head, for all that he appears to be action-oriented.  He’s outwardly cheerful, but inwardly trying desperately to makes sense of his life, his feelings, and his ambitions.  He can be very sweet and generous, but also very inward-looking and at times melodramatic.  

Despite having some kind of romantic or affectionate feelings for Chizuru early on, Heisuke chooses to leave the Shinsengumi with Itou on a permanent basis roughly two years after Chizuru arrives.  While he regrets leaving Chizuru, that regret feels very muted to me. Heisuke’s conversation with Chizuru before he leaves is mostly about himself and what he’s doing; it reflects his main preoccupation, which boils down to figuring out what’s important to him through the exercise of his own judgment.  

I think the game has it right - that’s where he’s at, and staying with the Shinsengumi would be a mistake.  He needs to get away from the two older “brothers” who tend not to take him seriously, and “parent” Hijikata, who ends up scolding a lot, and truly doesn’t have time to listen to his inward struggles.  Heisuke only comes back to the Shinsengumi under adverse circumstances (even though he’s disenchanted with Itou after a while, he stays loyal to his choice until the next-to-last minute), and he subsequently becomes preoccupied with being a “monster”. My point is that there isn’t a lot of room for him to focus on Chizuru in there.  He thinks she’s cute, and nice, and should be treated better; he worries about her, and still wants to be with her and give her what comfort he can.  But his ability to fully perceive what she’s dealing with is restricted.

Ultimately, Chizuru is the one to save Heisuke, by dragging him out of his fugue and forcing him to pay attention to things outside his developing self-loathing.  She slaps him because he keeps trying to make decisions for her about how she feels, and what’s best for her, and he’s still not seeing the full/real Chizuru.  After that, Heisuke begins to be more thoughtful (not just affectionate), and agrees to lean on Chizuru more, which is good for both of them.  Chizuru makes sure that Heisuke understands that to her he’s an important person, and somebody she relies on. 

Final verdict:  It’s a cute ship, with lots of potential to be very loving. It doesn’t have serious negatives, although for me it lacks something romantically for quite a long time.  Heisuke struggles with a lot of insecurity, and tends to alternate between looking inward for “the answers”, and looking outward for validation. That makes him easy for many of us to relate to, but puts a lot of burden on Chizuru.  Even after all of this, I don’t know what part of my reaction to HeiChi is personal bias/preferences, and what part is based on objective analysis.  I do know that it’s both.

To those who have come this far, thank you for reading!  I hope that I didn’t disappoint too many of you with my rambling.  In my defense, my inability to keep things simple means I can write my stories from different perspectives and keep them consistent!

~ Imp

[sceawere]

We’ve lost more than just the plot: my thoughts on the season 4 finale

I have a lot of problems with this season. I have problems with characterisation. I have problems with storylines. I have problems with the way things were shown (I’m looking at you, informed consent).

But last episode was so good! The Luca/Alfie scene was one of the best pieces of television I’ve had the pleasure of consuming. So, there were problems, but I went in with high hopes because, you know, it’s Peaky Blinders, and I love it, so I ignored stuff. But how am I supposed to ignore that raging inferno of a dumpster fire that was the finale. Look. I’m so mad I’m using Americanisms. On that note, give me a Changretta spin off because we deserve it.

A lot of the arguments I make here are going to circle back to a few main points which can be covered by various subtitles such as: ‘Holy Fuck, is someone going to jump a shark in the cut at some point?’, ‘Tommy Shelby is a 4D chess master, except he hasn’t told anyone else where the board is kept’, and ‘Why?’.

This is rambing and probably at times confusing but bleh. Let’s begin.

-

Major shout out to dorahog for her comment where she said that it seemed very truncated – I think the events of the finale should have been spread over at least two episodes, and maybe three. A lot of the tying of the knots to me still left loose threads and didn’t really seem complete.

I think this, and some of the editing as a result is what causes some of the major problems I have with the episode. Lots of rushed finishing off to introduce too many new lines, idk. Anyway, I’m going to walk through it pretty much scene by scene, so buckle in.

We spend at least the first quarter (in terms of irl play time) of the episode at the boxing match. I was pumped. It was great. The Gold’s are my new faves, and while I may try to present myself as a refined you know, whatever, I love watching two people kick six shades of shit out of each other in a semi controlled manner any day of the week.

Even better when everyone is wearing sharp tailoring and it was someone’s entire job to light the place fantastically. I was about to write an ode to the costumes and props people but then I got a shot of Abbeys wig and the feeling swiftly fled.

Still, I will give the editing people props for this particular section. The pacing was great, the frenetic activity, the flicking back and forth between sets. Here, the editing was spot on. It built up the feeling of not only the excitement, but a sense of panic. Arthurs paranoia really seeped into me and I was on edge about whether Bonnie might be just a little over his head.

Since I’m going to reference pay off recurrently, I want to point out these elements. Arthur is always a paranoid, frenetic, madman. Bonnie has been woven into this season and everything has been building to this moment. The scene with the garotte and Bonnie winning the match – that’s how you do payoff.

Before we move on, I’m focusing on Alfie’s story a lot more later, so I’m skipping over that particular scene for the moment.

I loved the scene in the loos. It was funny, it was an accurate depiction of the politics and preening that goes on, the interplay between the women was indulgent. We got exposition, we got characterisation, we got costumes that made me salivate. More of all of this please.

I’m assuming that Linda is going to get a bigger role in Season 5 – the focus on her descent into Shelby Ladyhood, and the mentions of her past and family (especially her mother) seems to point that way. Which, I for one would enjoy. I think Linda gets a lot of hate because she’s written to. She’s portrayed as the shrew who tore poor little rabid dog Arthur away and leashed him up. I don’t think their relationship is completely healthy, I think there’s co-dependence issues there. But the way I’ve seen her described in fandom is eye-rolling to an extent that I physically injured myself on at least three occasions. So, please, give me more of her as a character and less as a caricature.

I’m so upset that Tommy would lie to Finn about Arthur being dead. Finn, the baby of the family, who wasn’t in the war, and doesn’t think and feel the way they do, was lied to about his brother dying just months after his other brother died. I think it’s sick emotional manipulation and unconscionable on Tommy’s part. If you can’t trust Finn, don’t bring him near the business. You can’t have it both ways. Either he’s in and you bring him in, or you don’t, and he needs to leave. I understand keeping the circle small, but they’ve just learned with the ‘don’t tell Michael about the plan’ plan that it doesn’t really work, and you just end up causing more problems.

Tommy has no consideration for people’s emotions or their state as beings of their own. They’re players to him, pieces on a board, and he’ll move them how he wants. He gets to make all the decisions, they don’t have any real input, and they have no ability to decide if they want to accept the consequences or not, because they’re already five steps deep in the process by the time they learn about it.

Side note: I’m bored of all the plans being made off screen and magically revealed to us later. If you’ve seen the really good video essay about why Sherlock is shitty for doing this, that’s the basis of my argument. It’s not smart or exciting to say ah! Got you! When I never had a chance to work it out in the first place. It’s just kind of lazy and boring.

Also, Tommy lied to a pregnant woman and caused her great distress, so that’s nice.

I cannot believe this is the first proper scene with Isaiah we get, because opening car doors and skulking in the background doesn’t count. Jordan Bolger is a great actor who brings so much to the character and they continually waste him. Isaiah could be so much more – he’s a black, working class kid, with a preacher for a father, in a crime family, and all he gets is a two-minute scene where he’s a bystander to Finn’s character development. Give me his struggle, give me him working through the moral conflicts – even the times they’ve just shown him to be a young lad being a young lad it’s been great, give us more. I assumed with the including of him in the heist plot that he would be stepping up into actual business, but they seem to have abandoned that idea and it’s disappointing. He can firmly join the ‘they deserve better’ club.

Finn should be left to be smol and soft, those are my complete thoughts.

Also, Tommy terrifies and holds hostage a whole room of innocent people as a charade because he doesn’t give a fuck about anyone else’s feelings or autonomy any longer than they are useful to him.

Also, I love Goliath and I’m sad that with Alfie gone we’re probably not going to see anymore of him, my big son, I loved you while I had you.

-

We move away from the boxing scenes and get Arthur’s ‘funeral’.

I will say, I bloody love the wagons and wish my alternate theory that the Shelby’s did in fact lose everything to Luca and have to start from scratch could have happened because they were would have got more shots of them being ethereal in the forest somewhere surrounded by beautiful woodwork a la the Polly/Abbey scenes, but alas…we get this instead.

The shot of the empty room and the fireplace was beautiful, and poignant, and I’m gonna give them that.

Also, was that Karl? Thank fuck if it was because I had assumed Ada had abandoned him in the states somewhere for all we’ve seen/heard of him so far. It’s not as if any of the children are seen to be particularly important or have any type of characterisation of their own though so why am I surprised?

-

The way that Tommy treats Michael is ridiculous. You can’t complain about Michael keeping something back from you when you are lying to him about the exact same thing. I am so heartened by Michael saying, ‘I chose my mum’ because it not only shows that Michael isn’t Tommy Jr after all, but also that there’s a chance that the new generation will succeed the old guard after all and that this won’t just carry on forever.

Also, if Tommy can’t trust Michael with his life of all things, why would he trust him to handle the American business alone? How ridiculous. If I think someone was willing to screw me over in a double-cross that led to my death, I wouldn’t hand them the key to my secondary kingdom. Sense – this makes none.

-

Audrey Changretta turning up at the funeral like the badass she is and I’m so sad that her whole life has been torn apart in order to make Tommy Shelby look like a big man. Honestly, if you ask me, the Shelbys should have lost. Luca should have won. It would have made more sense, and provided such great material for next season.

The Shelby’s, having lost everything and become the people they used to rule, must fight to get back to the top. It should have been everything this season was meant to be, getting back to their roots, scrapping again. It would have provided stakes again. They need to be taken down a few pegs. If I know that Tommy is just going to fix everything off screen at the end anyway and everything turns out the same, then why am I wasting my time?

But that’s what the show has become. It started off as an interesting look at the moral complexities of the family, how they worked together, struggling to be something other than what they were destined for by the people who consistently maligned them. Now it’s a show about how amazing Tommy Shelby is. But the only way they’ve made Tommy Shelby great, is by making everyone else an idiot.

Tommy is a 4D chess-master, but only because no else knows where the table is being kept.

Luca Changretta was introduced as what should have been the most terrifying antagonist yet. And they turned him into an idiot. Luca Changretta, mob boss, doesn’t know to leave men behind to keep an eye on the kingdom? Bullshit.

I understand that Tommy is the main guy and has plot armour, but he doesn’t need to be the centre of the universe to be compelling as a character. This guy has manipulated Churchill and the king, got a city, a country, and an empire revolving around him, been given an OBE and now is an MP. But he can’t count two steps in front of himself and predict that killing a mob boss’ father might bring the mob down on him? He never really sees the consequences of his actions. His wife dying didn’t change him as a person, he just got meaner. His brother dying didn’t change him as a person, he just got reckless. I need a little bit more.

Alfie is such a beloved character not just because Tom Hardy plays him so well, not just because he belts out hilarious nonsense like a slightly faulty spitfire, but because he’s a match for Tommy. A much-needed match. He can go toe-to-toe with him, hell, even half the time get one over on him. He tells it straight when he knows Tommy needs it, and he doesn’t take his bullshit. He’s a breath of fresh air in a show that wants to convince us the literal world (or at least the empire, and America, and the political-social climate of the period, and every woman in sights life) revolves around Thomas Shelby.

Even add Campbell to that pile. He was a shit show. He was disgusting. He was mildly inept at times. But he was menacing. He had political connections. You knew he was the guy they sent out to do the work that everyone turned an eye to, and how much damage he could cause without official recompense. But in the end, it wasn’t Grand Master Tommy who got him – it was Grace, and then Polly. Hell hath no fury like women scorned, and the beauty came so much more from the fact that it wasn’t the person who he perceived as his adversary that ended up doing him in. Someone he trusted, and someone he abused, doing what needed to be done. The priest last season was menacing because of the same, and in the end, it wasn’t Tommy that brought him down, it was Michael. It meant something because it was Michael.

I don’t see how killing Luca makes sense except it as a way to make Tommy look good and have the big Arthur reveal, which was bullshit anyway. There was little pay off there.

-

And Alfie. Oh, sweet love, Alfie. So, not only do they take what is pretty much the most beloved character in the fandom, even casuals love the shit out of this man, and dispatch of him like a secondary mop up, but they do it in such a shitty way.

When the spoilers came out about Alfie’s cancer I had a personal reflexive ‘well fuck off with that’ having just lost someone irl to a long and messy cancer battle, so mainly I pushed it away and thought ‘ah, that won’t get dealt with yet, they’ve done nothing about it for season upon season, it’s probably just internal backstory bullshit’. Nope.

Alfie has been chronically underused in this show, and I understand it. I think the rare glimpses we get are so powerful that it makes sense. It’s Christmas Day. It’s an island in the sea of winter, and the anticipation’s half the fun. You get presents every day, and you’re just going to turn out to be a spoiled brat. But we spend seasons adoring this guy who lives in the damn shadows, scrapping together parts of his life so that we can better understand him, only to be fed a massive plot point as an offhand spoiler and then have the entire thing resolved in what felt like 20 minutes? There was no anticipation. There were no stakes. There was no payoff. I was just…sighing, mostly.

I knew when he started talking about Margate that I was about to be emotionally ruined, but I expected at least to get a fitting end. But no. We got Alfie screwing Tommy over again in a predictable but fucking useless way. We got Tommy shooting him on a beach and walking away. And that was it.

-

I think the Tommy breakdown scenes would have had a bigger impact on me two seasons ago when I still had care for his character, but I just used the time to check my messages, so it didn’t really land with me tbh. The whole last segment of this ep just flew over me.

The malignment of Jessie Eden’s character will likely get a post of its own soon. Except I am going to say here that I’m entirely sure that what Tommy is doing counts as sexual assault – see the case of the woman who had a child with someone she didn’t know was an undercover agent in her what I think was also Communist action group, and also the new laws that stop undercover people from sleeping with those they are surveying. Because you can’t give informed consent. But they’re probably not going to address that, because we have a love triangle to deal with now.

Also, Tommy abandoned a dog and tampered with an election so he’s everyone I hate now. You don’t come for the animals or the democratic process. Taking inspiration from my dear love, Alfie Solomons, what a fucking cunt.

But besides that, it was fine.

[shouldanimalsbekeptinzoos203]

write an essay for me

About me

Main Body

Main Body What should i write my essay about quiz, write an essay about travelling shaheed ki jo maut hai wo qaum ki hayat hai in urdu essay. These are just three of the elements of your physique paragraphs. First of all, transition words make your essay clearer. Furthermore, transition phrases provide a signal to the reader about what is coming subsequent. Your physique paragraphs will change based mostly on your project and aim. The first is to ignore the question altogether. The second is to write down a story of occasions – usually beginning with the delivery of an individual – with a half-hearted attempt at answering the query within the final paragraph. Essay on importance of flowers in hindi language. The final part of an essay is the conclusion. Conclusions needn't be lengthy arduous rearticulations of everything you have mentioned. If you’ve been arguing a case within the body of an essay, you must hammer house that case within the final paragraph. If you’ve been inspecting several different propositions, now is the time to say which one is correct. It can summarize the paragraph, join the paragraph again to the thesis, or point out how the following paragraph will observe. As a segue, it bridges discussions in two totally different paragraphs. However, what you do for one body paragraph, you should do for all the others, as properly. Students will need to follow this and might want to see fashions of how it can be carried out. Since writing is so personal, there isn't a one proper way to do it, the author should be encouraged to use his or her distinctive voice to develop the argument. After setting the plan in place with the mini-thesis, the author should consider some growing sentences earlier than transitioning into any supportive materials or proof. The sentences ought to be properly crafted and thoughtful, main the reader into the help. They can simply present the final idea your paper leads as much as . You'll find that having some paragraphs before others simply is sensible. This is because some concepts are more preliminary while others build on ideas that want to return earlier than. Organizing your essay means identifying the separate capabilities of each paragraph and understanding how each function fits into the essay overall. Each paragraph ought to have a separate objective, just as each sentence has a separate perform. The importance of that is already implied by the transition sentence—an essay with a logical progression will make transitioning between ideas comparatively easy. A transition sentence can conclude a paragraph in a number of methods. The identical is, alas, all too true of many historical past essays. But when you’ve written a great opening part, during which you’ve divided the overall question into separate and manageable areas, your essay won't be muddled; it will be coherent. On reading a good first paragraph, examiners might be profoundly reassured that its author is on the best traces, being related, analytical and rigorous. They will in all probability breathe an indication of relief that right here is one student a minimum of who's avoiding the 2 common pitfalls. In the middle paragraph you are akin to a barrister arguing a case. Now, in the ultimate paragraph, you are the judge summing up and pronouncing the verdict. Philip Larkin as soon as mentioned that the modern novel consists of a starting, a muddle and an end. It's good to write the thesis section on a publish-in observe and depart it affixed to the laptop computer or pc display screen for simple reference. Many college students understand what needs to be present in these paragraphs but many don't know the depth or have the talent to pick out proof and analyze to support their concepts. Starr Sackstein is a secondary educator and college chief in New York. She is the creator of several books on training, on topics similar to going gradeless, peer suggestions, and blogging. While your conclusion should give some indication of the paper's arc, it should extra importantly give attention to the take house idea you need your reader to have.

[acetokens]

My (post game) opinions on the ndrv3 cast

Alright, before the game came out I made this post where I basically vomited out my opinions on how I felt about the newly revealed ndrv3 cast onto a post and it was 50% jokes, 50% venting at fangirls. But now I've actually played the game, delved into the fandom and looked at the changes between the Japanese and English versions, I feel I can make a more genuine list of how I feel about all these good kids that deserved better. I realize my opinions are just that, and I’m probably yelling into the void here. But I felt I had to do a followup to the last post because MY GOD WAS I WRONG ABOUT (MOST) THINGS. I've listed every character in ‘favorite to least favorite’ order for convenience sake. Also this post will contain Spoilers. You have been warned.

Placed under a break for your skipping convenience. Ya’ll are welcome.

1. Himiko Yumeno - I absolutely adore everything about Himiko. Her design, her lazy attitude, her voice (NYEH), her development across the game to become a more driven and energetic person...I found her really funny, really cute and oddly relatable. Himiko is probably in my top 5 DR characters of all time. Which is even crazier when I remember she’s one of the few survivors. I've never had a favorite character who survives a killing game before. So unlike past Dangan Ronpa games where my interest sorta dies off by Chapter 6, Himiko kept me fully invested in everything until the end. She’s a special bean and I love her.

2. Gonta Gokuhara - Continuing the DR trend of a Big Guy who’s a Big Friend, Gonta was so good and so pure and so friendly and deserved so much better. He was always trying to do his best and protect everyone until the very end. R.I.P Gonta. You were a true gentleman. Chapter 4 can suck my ass.

3. Tenko Chabashira - I literally D E S P I S E D Tenko when she was first revealed. I hated her stupid, sexist guts. But come Ndrv3′s release and Tenko turned out to be a dorky, kind, protective and strong willed girl who was skilled enough to be admirable but pathetic enough to be pitiable at the same time. I loved her undying adoration of Himiko (even if it was a bit creepy at times) and the two make a really cute ship. I was expecting some kind of tragic backstory in her FTE’s to explain why she hates men (I believe she mentions a drunken father at one point, and I really wish they went more into that), and the lack of a reasonable explanation for such a strong hatred is what prevents her from sharing (or even taking) the top spot in my book. But misandry aside, Tenko is a Great Gal and I wanna hug her. Although she’d probably bodyslam me.

4. Kirumi Tojou - Kirumi was my favorite when all the characters were revealed at first. I made multiple posts about how I’d die for her and how she was beautiful and whatnot and I was confident about two things when the game came out: 1) She’d be my favorite. And 2) She’d die - following in the footsteps of all previous ‘best girls’ before her. And well, I did really like her. Just...not as much as I thought I would. Kirumi is efficient, brave, elegant, caring and has a really cool design. But her talent occupies most of who she is as a person, and she isn't too dissimilar to most maid characters in anime or manga. So it made her quite predictable at times and I feel they could’ve done so much more with her..ah well. Kirumi is still a super awesome maid and a great Mom. Even if she hates being called that.

5. Kaede Akamatsu - Ahh...I remember when I was wishing someone else would be our protagonist when she was first announced...I think I cursed it. Because Kaede was just *incredible*. She was headstrong, perceptive, kind and left such a big impact on me after Chapter 1. You know that ‘Do It For Her’ meme? Yeah, that about summarizes the rest of Ndrv3 for me. Also Kaede is a huge gay and all the Ndrv3 girls are her girlfriends, pass it on.

6. Ryouma Hoshi - Congratulations to Ryouma for being the only non-standard design character not to be terrible. Far from it, in fact. Ryouma is a badass! A lil’ badass with such a depressing backstory and death that when they showed his motive video, I let out a single manly tear. Or several. Or many. I just...I just want this man to be happy...

7. Miu Iruma - Miu has zipped up and down my lists more than any other character. I had her ranked highly pre-game, lowly during the game, and mid/high post-game. Her design and talent are really cool and she makes several neat inventions over the course of the game, but her personality was so damn prickly and vulgar that I found her really offputting while she was alive. It was only after finishing her FTE’s and seeing her Love Hotel scene that I realized holy shit this girl has some serious trust and abandonment issues. It put all of her behavior in perspective and I began to feel really sorry for her all of a sudden. The hurt/comfort potential here is just WAITING to be uncovered but, alas, most Miu fanfics I've come across are just smut or crackfics. Out of all the Ndrv3 girls, Miu deserves the most headpats. Lots and lots of headpats.

8. Kaito Momota - A good, supportive friend and an effective comic relief. His optimism was a bit grating for me now and again (I never like it when DR plays the ‘’Oh we should just believe in him/her because s/he’s our friend :)’’ card because of how biased it always is. Like, DR will sometimes bend over backwards and completely 180 its own rules to make sure certain characters survive. In a game where finding the truth by objective evidence and fact is key, the times where it just says ‘’nah fuck the truth who needs proof just b e l i e v e’’ just feel so...stupid). But criticisms of the series aside, Kaito is a bro and he’s great. Who doesn’t love the luminary of the stars?

9. Kokichi Ouma - I realise putting the most popular character at 9th is going to make hoards of fangirls despise me but!!!! I don’t dislike Kokichi. In fact I like him a lot. His character is probably the most enjoyable to analyze out of everyone, his interactions are hilarious but also disturbing, the Kokichi memes are funny, and I too think the changes they made to his dialogue in the English translation was utter bullshit (almost as greater character assassination as Mukuro in the DR3 anime). But, I really love most of the characters in the game which leaves characters I’m torn on (like Kokichi or Kiyo) hovering at a position which makes it seem like I dislike them when actually I enjoy them immensely. Just...not as consistently as some of the others. Also Chapter 4 was an kick to the nads that I can’t get over. Sorry Kokichi.

10. Korekiyo Shinguuji - I was prepared to LOVE this guy so much. Seriously. I was ready for the moment where it would turn out creepy noodle man would be turn out to be a Wholesome noodle man. But uh, I think I’m with the rest of the fandom when I say that Korekiyo’s reveal as the SHSL incestuous serial killer made me drop him faster than Kirumi dropped in her execution (sorry). So, now I've establish Kork is the *real* Worst Boy...why did I put him at 10th? Why not 15th? Especially considering he killed Tenko? Truthfully, it’s the memes. Just...the Kork memes. And the fact he’s such an awful person and so obviously a murderer that it becomes genuinely hilarious to me. And his design is my favorite out of all of them. I’m so split on him. So, so split...

11. K1-B0 - Keebo made me laugh a bunch of times, and I enjoyed him more than I thought I would initially. Also his upgrades in Chapter 6 were badass as fuck. But I just don’t really feel the same affection for him like I do other characters. I’m afraid cute robot girls will always be my weakspot. Cute robot boys...not so much. (Although I’m all for Agender! Keebo that’s my jam).

12. Shuichi Saihara - This is the point in my list where I finally reach true neutral. I have no feelings on Shuichi either way. He’s deeper and has a more interesting plot arc than Makoto, which makes him a more effective protagonist in my opinion. But Hinata will always be the best protagonist in my book. And I just keep picturing what it would’ve been like if Kaede survived instead...

13. Rantaro Amami - I never understood why he was uber popular before the game came out and I don’t think I understand why he’s so popular now either. I have no negative feelings on the guy; he’s mysterious and has a ‘big brother’ attitude that I like. But the poor dude just died too quickly for me to feel anything for him. 

14. Maki Harukawa - I only dislike three characters in this game. Maki is one of them. I knew *exactly* what kind of character she was going to be and I knew I wouldn’t like her much and I knew she was going to survive. I didn’t guess she was going to be an assassin! But outside of that, There isn’t much going for me for me. The tsundere is never an archetype I like and the fact the deaths in Chapters 2 and 5 are partly her fault and no one calls her out on it is kinda frustrating also. 

15. Angie Yonaga - Angie’s creepiness is her most appealing trait to me. That should explain how low the bar is set here. Its difficult to write what I feel about her without coming across as a salty atheist (because most of her problems revolve around her use of her god to manipulate people) so I’m just going to leave it there.

16. Tsumugi Shirogane - Y’know I distinctly remember labelling Tsumugi as ‘’Hifumi but likable’’ on my previous Ndrv3 opinion post. I was wrong. She was hovering around mid/low level for me while I played the game, and I often forgot she existed (kinda funny considering her self admitted plainness) and her references were quite obscure a lot of the time so I didn’t find her funny either. I didn’t dislike her, I just forgot her. Then Chapter 6 happened and everyone knows the rest. It’d be difficult to truly ‘like’ Tsumugi after her reveal as the mastermind, after all. Although she was certainly entertaining when she started cosplaying as all the previous characters and I did like how her eyes glowed when she went all DanganRonpa crazy. I did actually consider putting her above Angie for those reasons, but if I dropped Kokichi’s placement because he killed Gonta then I’d be a hypocrite if I didn’t slamdunk Tsumugi into last place for technically being responsible for everyones’ deaths as well (well, responsible as part of Team DanganRonpa. I understand it wasn’t *entirely* her behind it all). You know there’s a problem when *Hifumi* looks pure in comparison...

If you read through all of this, then congratulations? I don’t know how to end long ass posts like this...just pretend I said something witty. 

I need sleep.

[just-a-freaking-booknerd]

Throne of Glass.....I just.....I can’t anymore.

I wanted this to be a new favorite series and I wanted to be more hyped but....I’m not. The first 3 books were super entertaining and I had grown to really enjoy some of these characters, but then it all went to hell. I can see why people enjoyed this series, but it just wasn’t for me.

Please keep in mind that these are just my own thoughts and feelings and yes, I know they’re not perfect. I’m not trying to offend anyone, so don’t @me

SPOILERS

Aelin is one of the most obnoxious characters I’ve ever read about. At first I thought it’d be fine and she’d hopefully get better as the series grew, but she just got WORSE! She lied to everyone all the time and was extremely arrogant and snarky.

Rowan....Rowan Rowan Rowan. Where to begin. I can hardly remember a thing about him because he was just another model-status love interest with a sad backstory. He was a jealous, territorial asshole and I didn’t care whether he lived or died in the end. That’s it.

Their relationship was really annoying. I got so bored during kingdom of ash that I started counting how many times they used any variation of the word ‘mate’ toward each other. ONLY with Aelin and Rowan. I got over 100. 🤮. And what was with that smut she threw into EoS? No thanks! If I never read someone describe a penis as “velvet wrapped steel” again I will be eternally grateful

Dorian was a character I loved at the beginning, but as the story went on I kind of lost interest. The only thing that kept me going was his journey with his magic and the fact that he was chilling with Manon.

Manon was awesome! I loved her story, from black beak heir to Queen of the witches. She’s such a badass! I’m so happy that she was able to break off from her grandmother’s ways and recognize her true self. I also really loved her story with the thirteen. I must admit, I don’t really ship Dorian with Manon, and that’s mostly because I was not happy about Manon being turned into “the love interest for Dorian” during EoS. I’m so glad that turned around.

I absolutely LOVED Chaol in book #1 but he quickly grew to be my least favorite character until ‘Tower of Dawn’. He acted like such a butthurt fool throughout this series and it just got exhausting! I’m glad he finally grew out of the King’s mindset and I’m so happy that he ended up with Yrene.

I knew Yrene (and most of the people from the assassin’s blade) would make more appearances in the series, but I was the most satisfied with how she turned up. I was so proud of how she’d grown and achieved with the healers and I absolutely adored her story with Chaol. I really enjoyed them as a couple and they ended up being one of the only things pushing me through ‘kingdom of ash’.

I didn’t like Aedion. I never really did to be honest. There was kind of this point in QoS and EoS where he was okay, but then he just turned out to be such an asshole. I know he’s been through a lot and anyone on his situation would probably act the same, but I still cannot stand his existence. He’s just like Aelin and that just ain’t it. I really didn’t like how they mentioned he was bi ONCE and then it was never spoken of again. What’s up with that? Not my fav.

Lysandra turned out to be one of my favorite characters. Though her shape shifting abilities totally came out of nowhere. I enjoyed seeing her friendship grow with Aelin and watching her grow and become her own confident and independent self. Once again, I did not ship this couple. I didn’t feel that Aedion deserved Lysandra and she should’ve just turned him down and left it at that. He treated her like such GARBAGE and then he takes it all back like that after they almost die. He hardly has any consequences for everything he did to her. She still chose him in the end.

Another favorite character of mine was Elide. I know lots of people find her boring but I adore her. She was strong and she made it through everything without magic. Though it is a shame that SJM didn’t expand of her witch heritage. I love her determination and sass. When she went and got the first job she’d ever applied for? Iconic. When she went into Doranelle and figured out how to save Aelin? A queen. We stan. My biggest problem was when she refused to forgive Lorcan even after he explained everything.

Lorcan was my favorite of all the guys. I know he’s NOT perfect, and I know he’s just as territorial and jealous as all the other males, but I just have a thing for the dark brooding guys being a total softy for the person they love. He deserves all the happiness after what he’s been through. You can probably tell that Elide and Lorcan are my favorite couple of the series. They’re not perfect, but I live for their story and I love the way it turned out. Also Lord Lorcan Lochan? An icon.

Fenrys didn’t stand out to me. He was just kind of chillin until he and Aelin were taken to Maeve, then it turned into Fenrys having a super obnoxious friendship with Aelin which consisted of them being rude and making crude comments. I liked how they were strong for each other before they escaped, and way to go Fenrys for breaking the bond, but after that it wasn’t the best.

#justiceforGravriel because that man deserved better. He was so chill and helpful. All he wanted was a relationship with his son, and when he got it he died immediately. What’s up with that shit?

Nesryn was boring. I don’t know why we followed her around at all in the last book. I enjoyed her POV in ‘tower of dawn’ but that’s pretty much it. I feel like she deserved to get more character development than she got and it really sucks that we didn’t get to see it.

Sartaq is basically the same. I didn’t feel any connection to his character at all and I didn’t see the point of him other than being Nesryn’s love interest.

I don’t really like SJM’s writing in this series. The dialogue between characters made me cringe so much and she uses the same few phrases over, and over, and over. I can’t even tell you how many times she compared someone to an Asp. It wasn’t necessarily bad, it just isn’t for me

The romance in this book kind of sucked. EVERYONE had to be a couple by the end. Not even the side characters could stay single. I hated that Aelin had a new love interest every five seconds in the first half of this series. She fell in love with literally every guy she knew! Sarah j Maas could have spun it to be a pathological need that Aelin has to be loved, and to love anything that loves her back, but alas. It would have been a really interesting thing to see her work on and overcome but all we got was a new boyfriend every book and then some random faerie smut when she finally stuck with one of them. And why does it ALWAYS have to be ‘mates’ in SJM’s books? I find it so unromantic. It kind of makes everything they went through to be together.....pointless. What’s the big deal with all of it if they’re mates and they’d just end up together anyway? Maybe that’s just me🤣

  Okay I should probably get into the actual books. Starting off with Throne of Glads, I was intrigued, I was excited, and it simply did not deliver. It was still enjoyable for the most part, but it did not feel like it matched the description at all.

   It would’ve been cool if SJM had started off with more Endovier, because throughout this series we hear about it and they talk about how awful it was, but we never actually see it. Kind of disappointing. I called who the bad guy was and we all knew Celaena would win, so really all I had was the wyrdmarks.

   Nehemiah didn’t really stand out at first, and I didn’t like how fast her “friendship” formed with Celaena.

I think that there was supposed to be some kind of love triangle between Celaena, Dorian and Chaol, but it wasn’t very noticeable. She was all about Dorian and Chaol was just kind of there. The final contest wasn’t that tense or entertaining because, hello, there’s seven other books obviously she lives and becomes the champion. 

  So, she lives and breaks it off with Dorian and that was that. Not my fav but I was entertained and left wanting more of her story, so I ended up giving it around 3.75 stars

  The Assassin’s Blade was alright. Obviously just a setup for characters we’d need to know about for future books and a little of her backstory. I liked Sam a lot but didn’t really ship him with Celaena. Everyone already knew Arobynn was the bad guy so that was no surprise. 4 stars for the novella collection as a whole

   Crown of Midnight was probably my favorite at that point. I loved how Celaena chose to defy the King and started working with Archer. Even though he was totally sus and I thought it was obvious that he was up to something.

   My heart was broken for Celaena after Nehemiah’s death, and I absolutely hated that Chaol and Celaena never really got a chance to be together. If Chaol has just done the *smart* thing and told Celaena, maybe he wouldn’t have ruined it for everyone.

   I will be honest, Dorian having powers came out of the blue. Out of all the obvious things that happened, I didn’t call him being magical. It is really great amd it added some much needed tension.

       The ending was crazy. Celaena is Fae. That’s so crazy! SJM has hinted at Celaena having powers, but I never expected her being full on fae! Of course then Chaol has to be a butthole about it all, but at least he tried to save her by shipping her off to Wendlyn. Even though it wasn’t the best idea. And then.....the best plot twist ever....Celaena is Aelin. The entire time I thought Celaena would join forces with Aelin, so you can imagine how absolutely shocked I was. And so, she goes to wendlyn to train with fae and that is that.

i gave this book a very low 4 stars

  Heir of Fire, we get to Wendlyn and Celaena is just doing nothing and letting herself waste away. It was really annoying to watch ngl. She goes to Maeve, Maeve makes her train with Rowan, Celaena has a lady boner for Rowan, and that’s really all I remember from the first part of this book.

   Celaena was begging for someone to knock her on her ass, so Rowan being there was nice. Watching her deal with her powers toward the end was really entertaining and I loved the introduction of the Valg men.

   I actually did enjoy the climax of Celaena’s storyline in this book. The flashbacks and her breaking through that wall she had set up and finding out Rowan was her carranam was great. Then the end with Maeve and how Celaena convinced her to set Rowan free was just *chefs kiss* and at this point I shipped Rowan and Celaena so hard. There was a good set up for the cadre to come into play again so I was really looking forward to that.

  The introduction to Manon Blackbeak was great. I was instantly in love and so excited to see this character grow in future books. I could already tell that she wasn’t going to be a bad guy and she might even have an arc similar to Zuko from Avatar. The thirteen were so great and I loved abraxos. It was perfect to get me out of the slump with Celaena’s chapters.

   Dorian and Chaol’s POV wasn’t the best, though their finale was probably my favorite. I didn’t like Aedion from the start, and even after he was revealed to be a rebel I still couldn’t shake my dislike for his character.

  Dorian and Sorscha were so cute! They did not deserve what happened to them. Dorian deserves happiness and all he got was pain and a Valg demon living in his body. Their finale was so emotional and I’m not ashamed to say I cried. I did not expect Sorscha to actually be killed so my heart was absolutely breaking.

 This was by far one of my favorite books of the series. I gave it 4 stars

  Queen of Shadows was my favorite of this entire series. I was never bored with the plot and it was just a really fun story. My big issue was that her first interaction with Arobynn didn’t go at all like I thought it would. I just expected a little bit more. 

  Seeing Dorian with the Valg broke my heart. I hated how he suffered all that time and no one knew to help him. SJM really should have waited to reveal that he was still alive for a little while. It would’ve made things more tense when they were having the whole ‘do we kill him, do we not’ conversation.

  This was the only book where I actually enjoyed Aedion’s presence. His reunion with Aelin was great, though I don’t think they’d act like that after being apart for 10 years. Finding out Gavriel is Aedion’s father was so random and I did t really care for it, but at least we knew the cadre would have to make another appearance eventually. 

   Lysandra came out of nowhere in this book. I loved it. I have so much respect for her after reading her full story and seeing everything she’s been through and everything she’s done for Evangeline. I love that Aelin let Lysandra get her revenge on Arobynn in the end. Though I think his death wasn’t fitting for everything he’d done to them both. Her powers came out of nowhere but I love them anyway. A shapeshifter, how cool is that? 

  The story line with Manon and Elide was so wonderful in this book. Again, we get more of Manon questioning her grandmother and we can see that she’ll split off from the iron teeth mindset eventually. I loved how Kaltain was able to break free and get her revenge on Erawan and allowing Elide to escape. It was so awesome. The worlds finally collided in this book and it did not disappoint! The fight between Manon and Aelin had me on the edge of my seat!

   I loved the entire thing. The end of this book had me completely shook. The revelation of Perrington’s true identity was like🤯. Really, the entire ending of this book had me like🤯. I love love loved it all. From the freeing of magic to the set up for Chaol and Nesryn’s journey and Kaltain destroying part of Morath. My favorite book of the series! 4.5 stars

  Empire of Storms is where it all went to shit. I was bored of Aelin’s group the entire time and all I looked forward to was Elide/Lorcan’s chapters. With the exception of Manon’s first chapters with the Thirteen and the battle with Lysandra turning into a sea dragon, I was pretty bored until the end. 

  The most frustrating bit of this entire book was that CHAOL WAS BARELY MENTIONED. Like???? SJM cripples him and then doesn’t follow up with anything? How messed up is that? I hated it so much. Why not just kill him if you don’t want to write about him anymore? It’s stupid but I digress. 

   You best believe Manon and Asterin has me SOBBING in those chapters. I knew this would be the final straw and that Manon would have to choose to leave the Blackbeaks. Sadly, after she left and we find out she isn’t dead, I was bored with her for the rest of the story. It kind of felt like she was only there so she could screw Dorian. I really didn’t like that whole situation. There could’ve been more progression for her character but we get nothing but disappointment.

    Fenrys and Gavriel were just chillin in this book I guess. Nothing about them really stuck out to me. Just the angsty Gavriel/Aedion situation. And did they forget that there was supposed to be another member of the cadre? Is that just me? They’ve completely forgotten about Roland at this point too. 

  The rest of the book was boring until they meet up with Lorcan and Elide. This book is when I started disliking Rowan/Aelin relationship because all the could think about was doing the do and it consumed the entire middle section. I don’t know why SJM decided this book needed to be full of fae porn and jealous men, but here we are.

  The ending was the best part of this story. We figure out how to get rid of Erawan but it requires Aelin’s entire being. Yay tension, even though we know SJM isn’t going to kill her main character. Nobody important has died anyway.

   I hate that Lorcan brought Maeve to them, but I understand it. The only chance at happiness he has might die soon. Desperate times call for Lorcan’s desperate measures I guess.

  The scene on the beach broke my heart. We find out that Rowan and Aelin are actually mates (yay? I guess) and then they get separated by Maeve. It sucked. And I hated everyone’s reactions. Freaking Aedion is such an asshole to Lysandra after he figures out the plan. Does he not realize that Lysandra is sacrifi cing her freedom to play queen for Aelin? And Elide’s anger toward Lorcan. My otp is once again ruined by SJM. 

   Aelin is snatched, we find out she married Rowan, and then all of Aelin’s old friends show up like she’d been hinting at all book. The end. This book was such a disappointment for me and I ended up giving it 3.5 stars.

  Tower of Dawn is where it’s at. I thought I would hate it because I didn’t really want an entire book dedicated to Nesryn and Chaol, but it became a favorite. I loved it SO much. It was a great break from all that angsty crap that had been happening with the rest of the gang. 

  Out of all the characters from The Assassin’s Blade, I wanted to see Yrene the most. I needed more content for her and I’m so happy with what we got. Yrene was so fun to follow and it was great to see that she is making her dreams come true.

   I immediately knew that Chaol and Nesryn wouldn’t last. They never made a good pair in my opinion. I’m glad they decided to go their separate ways (at least in a romantic sense) because they both needed more. Nesryn finally gets her happy ending with Sartaq, even if they’re both dull as dirt for the rest of the series.

  Who else saw Yrene and Chaol’s relationship coming from a mile away??? I know I did.  I think they’re great together! They’re my second favorite relationship of the series. In fact, my favorite scene of the entire book was Yrene getting Chaol to walk around the room. It was so cute! Cute and....hot? it was hot.

Chaol finally started to see things for what they were and he became less idiotic. We stan. How is it that SJM takes some of my favorite characters and makes them trash and then somehow redeems my most hated characters?

  The rukhin clans were a really interesting addition to the story. They were really entertaining and i just knew that theyd fight with Aelin

   I was NOT expecting the Maeve plot twist. That made everything so much worse for Aelin and the cadre. I was super excited to see how she’d play in with the rest of the story. I loved that SJM made a way for the Valg to be destroyed and I just knew that Yrene would be able to play a bigger part in Kingdom of Ash. Finding out that the princess was possessed by Valg was such a surprise and I really loved it.

   My biggest gripes about this book were that Falkan coming back into the story AND being Lysandra’s long lost uncle, and the fact that Chaol isn’t really healed. How disappointing. After all that work he’ll never be fully healed again. Groooossss. I gave this book 4 stars😂

  Here we are....the worst book of the series, Kingdom of Ash. This book only had 450-500 pages of good content, WHY did she make it that long? I lost interest at around 150 pages and I wasn’t that into it until around page 600. That’s so sad.

   Aelin and Rowan ain’t it. I counted how many times they used any variation of the word ‘mate’ *ONLY* in the chapters from Rowan or Aelin’s POV. It was over 100. Why. Let’s calm down and never even think of that word ever again. By the end of the book I was kind of hoping one of them would die, because then at least their relationship would be interesting again, but no. We were left with the most boring relationship of all time.

 I CANNOT stand that Lysandra and Aedion still lended up together. He does not deserve her. She sacrificed her freedom to give the people of terrasin hope and she was willing to live a fake life for all of them, and yet Aedion treats her like garbage because he wasn’t part of the secrets club. Bullshit. It took her almost DYING for him to be sorry. Disgusting.

  Lysandra is such a queen but her entire existence for the first half of this book is trying to get Aedion to acknowledge her. Not a fan. And even though I love her, I find it very unlikely that she never died. She and Aedion probably should’ve been dead in every single battle that happened during this book. 

   I loved Yrene and Chaol in this book. Chaol became a favorite character once again and Yrene was a boss ass bitch. I’m so happy she got her moment of glory by killing Erawan in the end. They deserve the best and I’m happy they’re starting a family.

   Lorcan and Elide were once again my favorites. I’m happy for them and I loved them in this book. Though I do feel that Elide should’ve been given a chance to do more in this book. Idk. 

   MANON. OH. MY. GOSH. I STAN. I loved her arc sooooooo much. Her becoming queen of the witches was magnificent and I loved it all so much. She’s another all time favorite of this series and her relationship with the thirteen was amazing. I cried so hard when they all made that sacrifice for Terrasen. They were wonderful. 10/10. Beautiful. She can finally lead the witches back to the wastes, it’s just really sad that the thirteen will never get to see it.

    Dorian was better in this book, though I totally thought he would die. He should’ve died. That would’ve been a death that hit their groups hard. Great motivation I think. We all knew he’d succeed at Morath, because reasons. I did like that but about him shapeshifting though. It’s really great that he gets some closure for his dad as well. His name was Dorian. i cry.

    Fenrys was good in this book. Gavriel was fine too, though his ending was not appreciated. I get it, he was the expendable one, but come on. He’d just gotten a chance at a relationship with Aedion and then he died. What is up with that? And hey, they FINALLY remember that there was another member of the cadre. Everyone forgot about his existence. I don’t even remember his name. 

  I didn’t see the point in Nesryn’s POVs. It was extremely boring. I didn’t like any of the Kaghan family.

We had an alright beginning for this book. Obviously they get Aelin back super fast, then they go and meet up with Chaol in Anielle just in time because they just so happen to run into some of the Kaghan’s other children. Speaking of convenient events, I will now give you a summary of the middle of this book.

Bad people threaten to destroy everyone, good thing happens and everyone is saved. Bad thing happens again, we get a miracle (except for that one time with the witch tower) and everyone is saved and now there’s more time for Aelin to save everyone. That’s all it was.

We got to see Nox again like twice after 5 whole books so that was nice I guess. I don’t even think he gets to see the real Aelin again.

   It was obvious that Aelin wasn’t going to die forming the Lock, I don’t think SJM would ever kill her main character. Though her traveling through the worlds might’ve been my favorite part. Also.....HELLO? THAT WAS TOTALLY FEYRE AND RHYSAND ON THAT MOUNTAIN, RIGHT?!?!? Is she pregnant? Omggggg. Despite my dislike of ToG, I really liked ACoTaR when I read it so I was really excited for that Easter egg. 

 The final battle was good. She destroyed Maeve even though her powers were lost and Yrene killed Erawan. I liked that scene at the end where we see all the little flames and know that the land is blessed. Very nice. Very full circle. Happily ever after for everyone. We stan Lord Lorcan Lochan. And that is that. It’s finally over. After two months of just Throne of Glass, I’m finished forever. 3 stars

I’m very disappointed with these books and I don’t think I’ll ever reread it or recommend it to anyone . I truly thought that this would be a new favorite series, but it just didn’t work out. I think the reason I liked ACoTaR more than ToG is because that series didn’t have as many books so SJM didn’t have enough time to ruin it.

I can totally see why some people would love this series, and that’s cool. Like what you like! This is just an opinion.

If anyone reads this, thanks for putting up with my rant😂

[justcallmesailor]

May I please I have a Reign male ship please? I am a female, about 5'10 (sadly) with sickly pale skin (kinda goes with my weak immune system) with light blue, silvery eyes, and long dark red hair. I am told I'm kind, caring, selfless, a bit too ambitious, insecure and stubborn, but I will help anyone I can. I love reading, writing, and singing (musical theatre is my passion). I often put others before myself, which can effect me negatively but I care less. Thank you so much. I adore your writing

No problem. Also, thanks. I ship you with Bash! While he loves how selfless you are, it gets on his nerves sometimes. The combination of self-sacrificing tendencies and stubbornness the both of you exhibit often ends in lengthy “arguments” that mainly consist of who gets to actually sacrifice for the other. As soon as he find out you liked to write, he would constantly come up with crazy plots for you. Even though he knew you’d never use them, he enjoyed seeing the smile that would come to your face. He often leaves little notes in all of your favorite books, most of them cliche “love notes” of course. 

How you two met:

You met Bash many years ago when you both were kids. Your parents had sent you to French Court in an attempt to keep you from getting sick. Before you had officially met, you watched him from afar with a small bit of jealousy. He was always outside, whether it was running around for fun or for the purpose of learning, and you almost never were.

Eventually, one of your lessons had to be outside. That was when you had your first conversation with him. It was quite an awkward conversation, really, because both of you were trying to let the other speak first. You wish you could say it was love at first sight but, alas, it was not. The two of you were like every other child at that age, you had no interest in the opposite gender. You didn’t actually become friends until he covered for you when you wanted to go with him outside on a sunny day.

As you grew older and grew closer, the feelings started to develop. At first it was small signs that you liked each other, such as him being mesmerized while hearing you sing for the first time or you getting jealous when watching him flirt with other girls. Your interactions with each other were “saucier” when the two of you realized had any feelings. Both sides remained oblivious even though you and Bash were flirting with each other. Everyone noticed before the two of you, mostly because you two were extremely insecure when it came to romance.

You continued like this for awhile. The flirting would increase from time to time, whether it was you or Bash touching the other more in whatever way you could (pushing hair out of the face, friendly smack on the arm, poking the other, etc.), suggestive jokes, or cheesy pick up lines.

Your first date:

It was another one of those many nights in French court that was filled with drama and parties. You had withdrawn into one of the various halls, needing some quiet from the constant problems everyone seemed to have. You had found that, since arriving, you had turned into a therapist for just about every person in the court. You couldn’t bring yourself to say no when people asked if you were able to spare some time for them, though, so you were always busy hearing about everybody’s superficial drama.

That was how you found yourself on an overly luxurious couch, late at night, reading one of your various books. As you went to turn the page, another hand came into your view and turned it for you. You glanced up and found yourself lost in an aquamarine gaze.

“Bash.” You smiled. “(Y/N). Do you mind if I join you?”

You shook your head and he sat down next to you. It was a comfortable silence as you read. You could sense that Bash was looking over your shoulder, reading along with you. You chuckled and paused reading, “Should I read aloud? You’re reading with me, anyways.” He smiled and nodded. You rolled your eyes, smiling slightly as well; you began to read quietly since no one else was there. 

The pages started to fade together, your voice was working on autopilot now. This was mostly due to the arm resting on your shoulder and the hand in your hair. You stole a quick peek over at him only to find that he was currently staring at you. Both of you quickly looked at away and you knew that your face had a pink tint to it now. 

“Ba-” “(Y/-” At nearly the same time, you two turned to the other and were about to speak up. You laughed and gestured to him, “You first.” He sighed, knowing that if he disagreed you’d be caught in a loop again, “Fine. I was simply wondering if um…if you..” You set down the book, “Well? Get on with it..” He suddenly gained a serious expression, “I was wondering if you have any feelings for me.” 

Out of all the things he could’ve said right then, that was the last thing you expected. You were now caught like a fish out of water. What do you even say in response? Well, technically, you didn’t have to say anything. Thus, you nodded meekly.

An awkward moment fell between the two of you; you watched him, tense, and it appeared that he was fixated on looking at something outside the window. You frowned, “I’m sorry if I just messed things u-” It was impossible to finish that sentence because Bash suddenly turned and pressed his lips to yours. As you were trying to figure out what just happened, he pulled away slightly and murmured, “Good. I have feelings for you, as well.”

Who ships the two of you:

Francis does, of course. Seeing his brother happy makes him happy. He makes quite a few attempts to get to know you. You weren’t very good friends with Francis as a kid, seeing as most of your attention went to Bash, but you’re closer now that you’re essentially part of the family. Being with the king’s bastard child obviously draws attention to you but Francis makes sure to distinguish any rumors before they spread too far. He really doesn’t want to see the aftermath of any drama brought to you or Bash. Without your knowledge, many of your gifts are actually Francis’ idea because Bash is slightly clueless when it comes to you.

There you have it, folks! One of the first requests for the day. I’m trying to get everything in my drafts done (I currently have three more ships). Anything that arrives in my inbox will probably be at least a couple more days because I need to get my AP Language summer reading done. After three/four days it’s my own procrastination, though. Anyways, hope you enjoy reading this, as always!

[astrotranslations]

Another Turning Point ASTRO and AROHA Will Achieve Together

ASTRO, who gifted us all of the early summer’s refreshingness with 'BABY', are as energetic as their title hints.

ASTRO’s interview with topstarnews took place on the 28th at a cafe located in Dogok-ro, Gangnam-gu.

ASTRO is one amongst the boy groups who are scarily rising and consists of Cha Eunwoo, Moonbin, MJ, JinJin, Rocky and Yoon Sanha. They are also a group who have solidified their status as refreshing-dols through their recent 'BABY' promotions.

On this day, ASTRO let us in on their feelings regarding their recent promotions.

ASTRO’s leader, JinJin, candidly relayed his feelings, "It was a promotion cycle where I’ve felt grateful many times. From being nominated no.1 on 'Music Bank' to holding our concert, I think it’s been a period were we’ve grown a bit. With this promotion as a foundation, we’ve become determined to show a more polished side to ourselves for the next album. It was a really fun promotion cycle."

I then asked them how they felt about being nominated no.1 on 'Music Bank' and they replied, "At first, it was sort of a feeling that made us wonder whether it was really true. They were next to us holding a bouquet and even gave all of mics so it started to slowly hit us that we were a no.1 nominees. We had our hopes and we thought there’s probably going to be tears if we win no.1 but alas, we didn’t win it. Truthfully, it was a shame," revealing their inner feelings at that moment.

ASTRO also briefly talked about their solo concert which they wrapped up a few days ago.

They said, "We were having our promotions so we didn’t have a lot of time to prepare for the concert. But still, we had an aim to line up at least this concert with only our songs so we prepared really diligently."

They continued, "There were really a lot of difficult moments but the reactions were good so that was a relief. Also, our fans got an official lightstick this time round and they were waving it around, illuminating the whole stadium with purple light so we felt really proud and grateful," and smiled brightly.

Everyone looked shy as soon as the question about the shirtless incident that happened during their concert was broached. ASTRO, who were smiling as though feeling abashed and who seemed hesitant, softly opened up.

At the question about their main exercise routine, they answered, "We received training even before debuting. We didn’t get any more after that but we regularly exercised together. Also dancing has some sort of difficulty to it so practising naturally become a form of exercise."

They said, "The cheers from fans were super loud when we took off our tops at the concert. We actually planned to have only two members reveal their abs but I guess Eunwoo, who was by the sidelines, got excited and refreshingly revealed his too. I think we were able to end the concert on a more fun note since it was a situation that no one had expected. It was originally a rule that only one member can go topless with every concert," and laughed playfully.

ASTRO also briefly talked about their Japan tour.

They said, "We’re working hard on our Japanese for our Japan tour. Eunwoo and I (Moonbin) have been taking classes and learning since before. The other members are also earnestly studying so that they can introduce themselves and do their greetings. I think it’ll be nice if we work harder and reach a level (of fluency) where we can communicate with our Japanese fans. I want to create a concert where we can enjoy ourselves together and communicate," declaring their unsparing affection for their Japanese fans.

When asked about sleeping habits, JinJin said as he jokingly laughed, "Eunwoo and Sanha’s sleeping habits are pretty severe. Eunwoo talks to himself a lot as he sleeps. He memorises English words and there was once where he went, "Hello," "Thank you," and laughed. He said it so clearly that I thought he was practicing his greetings."

He then continued to wittily disclose the other members’ sleeping habits, "There are a lot of instances where Sanha sings. He also sleeps on his front and the position he’s in is really weird. I can’t explain it through words but it’s seriously weird. So it made me wonder if I’d grow taller is I slept like that."

If you talk about ASTRO, you cannot leave out the title 'refreshing-dols'. Besides their refreshing charms which remind you of sports drinks, I asked if they were greedy to show their other charms and there was a moment of deliberation.

But JinJin soon made the first move to talk. He said, "I want to try a sexy concept once. Even if it’s not right now, later on when the members who are minors turn into adults and we’ve built experience, I think we’ll be able to digest that kind of concept."

Moonbin continued, "We showed how much diverse we are through the concert. That applies to our performances too. We also used our stage outfits to show the sides of us you couldn’t see during our broadcast promotions and witnessing that, the fans called it 'refreshing-sexy'. So I want to try a concept where we still keep to our refreshingness but at the same time show our sexiness."

ASTRO also pointed out ’conversation’ as a method of strengthening teamwork.

JinJin said, "We talk a lot amongst ourselves. It’s something like a family meeting, we’d gather when there’s trouble or when we conclude a promotion cycle and share what we have to say. We’d talk about the things we felt as we promoted or the dissatisfactions we’ve accumulated. If we voice out the things we’re unsatisfied with then we’ll acknowledge where we should and try to iron things out together."

He continued, "It’s a little embarrassing to do between guys but the results after are good so we try to hold them every now and then. For our family meetings, it’s mainly someone bringing up a certain topic and then the members would all together give our opinions regarding it," showing their sturdy teamwork you could feel even through just his words.

ASTRO, who have now reached their 2nd year since debut, is a group that has a lot more to run for as compared to how far they have ran. They have ran without rest and have to a certain extent gotten the ASTRO name out there so I asked them if the opportunity comes they get to let each of their own names be known, then what is it they wanted to do. ASTRO purposefully divulged their answers.

Yoon Sanha went first, "If I get to have an individual schedule, I want to DJ for a radio. I’m still a minor so it’s a pity I can’t do a late night show but if the opportunity perhaps presents itself then I want to DJ for a 7-8 time slot where you can eat as you tune in. It’s nice seeing DJs reading stories and communicating with their listeners," revealing his greed for DJ-ing.

JinJin then proclaimed his passion for song composition, "We’ve gotten some free time now that the concert has ended so Rocky and I have started to learn song composition on a professional level. My goal is for us to gradually pick things up and composing for ASTRO’s b-sides. I think it’ll be nice if we could produce for own album after improving some more."

Rocky mentioned, "I learnt acting when I was a trainee. Eunwoo looked like he learnt a lot appearing on 'The Best Hit' and most importantly, it looked fun. That’s why I also want to challenge myself at acting if the opportunity arises. It there’s a character that fits my current age then I want to give it a shot."

Moonbin went on to express his affection for acting. He said, "I also want to try acting if given the opportunity. A series about schools would be good, I’m not picky about the genre. And I like using my body so if I have the chance to go on programs like 'Law of the Jungle' or 'Battle Trip' where you eat as you tour around, then I’d really like to go on them."

MJ mentioned, "I want to challenge musicals. It’s so charming how they can express freedom on stage and above all, I want to feel how it’s like being immersed into my character, acting him out and singing (my lines)."

Lastly, Cha Eunwoo conveyed, "I realised the charm of acting having appeared in various productions. It’s so fun and I’ve developed an interest so I want to greet the public once more through another production. Historical dramas, a villainous character, they’re both good. A school drama would be good too since I’m 21 years old now."

He continued, "I’m an MC for a music broadcast so I want to build on my experiences even more and later on become a singer like Super Junior’s Leeteuk sunbae-nim who’s got a good flow to his emceeing," disclosing his passion for MC-ing.

ASTRO also let us in on their own secret methods when asked if they each have a way to relieve their stress.

Moonbin stepped up first, "I’m the sort to exercise. I’ll use the machines at gyms to work out and I also like running. I mainly prefer to sweat everything out. I’ll read whenever I can’t exercise. I look like I don’t read but I enjoy it," and laughed cheekily.

MJ then said, "I’m the sort to relieve my stress through eating. There’s nothing as happy as when I’m eating. I like meat and everything else but I like seafood the best amongst all that," his eyes were shining.

He continued, "If it happens that it’s too late and I can’t eat then I just sleep. I go to dreamland and rid of the stress. Doesn’t the anguish you experience yesterday night disappear when you wake up?"

Eunwoo replied, "I go off to watch a movie alone. I’m the sort to really enjoy movies by myself. Besides that, I’ve recently developed a new hobby where I take a topic and write poems or phrases. I tend to write them down as they come to mind so when I do that, my heart grows calmer and I feel comforted," revealing his sentimental charms.

As expected of the youngest, Sanha showed off his cuteness, "I usually relieve my stress through gaming." He brightly laughed as he added on, "There are times when I’d relieve my stress though spicy food. If I eat things like that then the stress I eat goes right down."

Rocky said, "I don’t have any interest in anything else besides in what I do. So I’d turn on loud music and I’ll dance until I fall to the ground or I’ll write raps about the things that gave me stress. If I record and listen to the raps I’ve written then I’ll feel lighter that I’ve at least vented out, even if it’s just by words."

JinJin finished it off, "I listen to music of various genres but if I’ve found songs that I like then my stress gets relieved a lot whenever I listen to them. My stress naturally goes away as I listen to the music I enjoy and think about how such a song was produced."

He continued, "My other method of relieving stress is by taking pictures. I’ll snap shots of this and that and show them to my fans, my stress is alleviated looking at their reactions," revealing his affection for his fans.

To ASTRO who have ran without rest in the fierce idol industry, the meaning their first solo concert held must have been special. I guess maybe that is why they eventually shed tears at the end of the it. What thoughts were running through their minds at that moment?

JinJin spoke up first, "Even before debut and even during our promotions, I’ve talked about wanting to fill a really huge concert venue with only our fans. So when we came to holding to our own, I was really just filled with so much emotions. It felt like I’ve achieved something as a leader and above all, I was extremely grateful to our fans. I could feel their sincerity so I unknowingly ended up crying. I was really thankful. And I especially want to thank the members who who went through everything with me."

Rocky then expressed his feelings clear-cut, "I didn’t spill any tears. I just felt happy we were holding a concert but the hyungs were next to me crying so I also felt emotional with them. I think I saved my tears because I wanted to let them all out when we’ve worked a little harder and really hit it big in the future. So holding the concert has made me realise that I need to work even harder."

Moonbin conveyed his honest feelings from that moment, "It was really hard preparing for the concert. We were short on time and there were a lot of new stages we had to show so it was hard and I really felt like dying but I pulled through somehow. It was so exhausting on us but I didn’t think about any of that going on stage. And the reason why I cried is… because Eunwoo cried so I ended up crying together with him. I actually didn’t plan on crying but I really connected with the words Eunwoo said and my apologetic heart got meshed with a bunch of other feelings so I ended up crying."

MJ then continued, "I always feel overwhelmed hearing the fans cheer for us. I don’t know why I’m like that but whenever I hear the yells and cheers from fans, my heart surges. I was so happy being with our fans during the concert and I was really thankful that they filled up the place and spent time with us. A lot of thoughts came to me as well. So I think that’s why I cried."

Cha Eunwoo carefully told us of the emotions he felt at that moment, "It’s only been a year since we’ve debuted so I wondered if we were really capable of holding a concert. It’s not as though we can just pull one off because we say we want to hold one. There needs to be people who want to come see us to make it possible and really so many attended. Also, we were talking but they played a gentle BGM so the things that I’ve accomplished up till now, the things I’ve suffered through, they flashed in front me and I was overcome with a mix of complicated emotions. I wanted to tell my members and our fans how grateful I was to them and that I would repay them but all the feelings I couldn’t express in words were put across in the form of my tears.

Sanha showed his strong determination, "When we relayed the news that we would be holding a concert, the fans were really looking forward to it. Maybe it’s because we practiced hard to fulfil those expectations but as soon as the concert ended, feelings of relief swept over me first. We worried a ton but since we ended safely, our hearts felt at ease. I really liked holding the concert. Until the day we can hold one at an even bigger venue, we’ll continue to work harder than ever."

Lastly, ASTRO talked about their future plans and the things they wanted to tell their fans.

ASTRO said, "We concluded both our promotions and the concert on a safe note so that was a relief. Through them we’ve become more ambitious and steadfast that we should work even harder. We have our Japan concerts right ahead of us but we want to quickly promote again once we’ve sat through those and we hope we can meet fans at an even bigger concert venue."

They continued, "If our fans didn’t come, we couldn’t have held our concert and we probably would have felt sluggish going through promotions. Thank you for always showing us your support and being by our sides. We’ll work even harder so that whenever you say, "I like ASTRO," you’ll hear the words, "Ah, they’re real good." Thank you so much," honestly voicing their affections for their fans.

I think that through their recent promotions, ASTRO were able to feel that the boyishness befitting of their ages has matured a notch.

ASTRO, who have walked a step up further every time with their fans and reached where they are now, are preparing for yet another turning point. ASTRO, who are overflowing with passion, and AROHA (ASTRO’s name for their fans), who silently have their backs, I think the story they will write for themselves together starts now.

On the other hand, ASTRO are in the midst of preparations for their Japan tour.

Source: http://news.topstarnews.net/detail.php?number=292664

Translations by @99pmh Take out with full credits