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weaselle · 6 years

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aliens versus earth animals master post collection

This is as many of these as I could find, special thank you to

@octaviathevictoriandragon

giraffepoliceforce

I really want a science fiction story where aliens come to invade earth and effortlessly wipe out humanity, only to be fought off by the wildlife.

They were expecting military resistance. They weren’t counting on bears.

Imagine coming to a hostile alien world and being attacked by a horde of creatures that can weigh up to 3 tons, run at 30 km/h (19 mph), and bite with a force of 8,100 newtons (1,800 lbf).By the time you realise that they can traverse water, it’s too late. The surviving members of your unit manage to make it back by shedding their excess gear and running for their lives; the slower ones were crushed to death within minutes.You later describe the creature to one of the humans you captured, wanting to know the name of the monstrosity that will haunt your nightmares for cycles to come.The human smiles as it speaks a single word, slowly and distinctly, in its barbaric tongue.“

Hippopotamus.”

artiestroke

This is giving me the biggest, creepiest grin I might have ever grinned

skeletonmug

Imagine being the next crew to go down to earth and thinking “it’s fine, we got this. We have the weapons and equipment necessary to deal with bears and *shudders* hippopotamuses. We’ll be fine.”And at first you are, you’ve learned how to dodge. You’ve learned where their territories are. You know how to defend yourself.

But then one night you are sleeping in your shelter. You’re in a tree covered temperate part of earth. It seems benign. There are been no sightings of the dreaded “hippos” around. Not even any bears. But there is a slight rustle of the undergrowth. You try and ignore it telling yourself it is just the wind.

Then you hear the rustle again. closer this time.You peer out into the darkness but see nothing amongst the trees.The rustle again and now you realise you can smell something. It’s musky and slightly foul. It’s the smell of an omen, a warning. But what of? Where is this smell coming from.

You sit up, but it’s too late. The foul smelling creature is on you. You are hit with 17kg of coarse fur and vicious bites. Long dark claws tear in to you and you are pinned down white the striped creature tries to bite your throat.It takes some doing but you manage to wrestle free. Blood drips from your wounds and already they itch with the sign of infection. The creature has a bloodied snout, rust rad, mingling with the black and white hairs. It lets out a terrifying growl from the back of its throat and looks to attack again. It’s between you and your knife, so your only choice is to back away.Eventually the creature gives up and snuffles off in to the undergrowth, down a hole near your shelter you hadn’t noticed before.

When you make it back to your base you once again consult the captive human.“Badger.” they say, with a solemn nod.

jabberwockypie

One word: Moose

myurbandream

“Our vehicles are far superior to the local human models, in range, speed, armament, and any other metric you care to name! Nothing could possibly-”BAMrumblerumblethumpcrash!!!“That’s called a moose.”

morebadbookcovers

Wolverines.Also.. dolphins.

ohgodhesloose

The invasion is going slowly. The humans have caught on and are actively destroying information on the planet’s flora and fauna before Intelligence can capture and process it. All that they have are survivors’ accounts. Bears. Hippos. Badgers. Moose. It is becoming obvious this mudball planet is a full-on Death World to the unprepared, and you are so very unprepared.You lost Jaxurn to a plant. Not even a mobile or carnivorous plant, just one that caused a vicious allergic reaction on contact that killed him in less than a rai'kor. Commander Vura'ko died to an insect bite, a tiny local pest that sucked a tiny bit of her blood and apparently replaced it with a bit of its last meal, which was full of disease. Backwash. She died to bug backwash. And yet you honestly envy them after that…

thing

you encountered…When you got back to base the quarantine officer refused to let you inside. They had to roll a containment tank outside to put you in, because you all knew there would be no chance of eliminating the smell if it got into the ship’s air ducts. Smell. You wonder if your nasal slit will ever recover from this stench.And the smell would. Not. Leave. After incinerating your gear the Q.O. had you use every cleansing agent they could think of, including a few janitorial ones, and still everyone fled the stench if they were downwind of your tank. Desperate to protect everyone’s nasal slits from the smell the quarantine officer interrogated the humans. From them, a glimmer of hope: there was a cure. Somehow the juice of a certain fruit on this mudball was the only thing that could break up the chemicals in the little horror’s spray. Immediately the Q.O. sent a team to recover buckets of the stuff and made you bathe in it. That was hours ago and it didn’t seem to be working, though. All it was doing was turning your blue skin an interesting shade of purple.Sighing in frustration you wave the med-assist on duty over, who only approaches after checking the wind direction. Annoyed, you flip on the tank`s vox speaker.“The humans did say it was

“grape”

juice that removed “skunk” stench, right?“

majingojira

Every night.

It came for someone almost every night.

Any soldier alone was a viable target for this native monster that moved unseen by any but the security viewers, usually only spotted in hindsight. They were taken as silently as this earth-monster moved. Sometimes they’d find the remains in the morning taken up a tree and hung there, mostly eaten, as if it were a grisly reminder that the monster was still there, waiting unseen, to strike again.

What little they saw of the monster on the vidfeed showed true horror. Yellow eyes that shone with all the light it could gather. It had fangs as long as his grasping digits. Claws half that size formed curved hooks that allowed it to climb up their fortifications with impunity. And in the underbrush, its spots made it almost impossible to see clearly in the undergrowth, if it could be seen at all.

Even the native sentients, the humans, had a healthy respect and fear for it.

The earth natives called the monster a leopard. It was a constant fear that muddied the senses, and let the monster hunt even more effectively as the soldiers were always on edge. Sleep deprived with fear, it made them even better targets for the monster.

But rumor was that there was worse on this planet. Rumors of a monster like a leopard but larger, and bigger in every imaginable sense. Stripped instead of spotted, which leaped from the underbrush with a sound.

A sound that burst eardrums, paralyzed entire units, and let the monster kill with impunity. While the Leopard wrestled soldiers down and ripped their throats out. This other monster, the Tiger, killed with its pounce alone.

lyricwritesprose

“We’ve been through this,” Group Leader 455 snapped. “The dissection of an Earth life form will help the scientists make weapons to combat the rest of this planet’s hellbeasts. And these are

domesticated.

Harmless.”The troops were not-quite-looking at her in the way troops do when they don’t want to be seen to contradict a ranking officer, but can’t quite muster a correct Expression of Enthusiastic Assent. “The name of this species,” she pointed out, “is synonymous with dullness and slowness in the language of the Earth barbarians.” Well, one language out of several

thousand—

these creatures needed Imperial guidance more than any other world on record—but there was no point in confusing the rank and file.More not-quite-looking. 455 bubbled a sigh and consulted her scanner. “That one,” she decided. “Alone in the separate pasture. Scans suggest that it’s a male, which means it’s probably weaker. Possibly it’s kept isolated so that the females don’t eat it before mating season. And yes, I know some of you are here on punishment detail, but you’re still soldiers of the Imperium. This squad is perfectly capable of handling a lone, helpless, pathetic male

cow.”

petermorwood

I’m enjoying this immensely. Wait until the aliens try Australia for size…

pokemonsunburn

It was a strange creature Tar'van glimpsed at on the vast island known to the humans as ‘Australia’.“I would warn you not to fuck with us, mate.” Their forced guide, a prisioner, had warned with a chilling grin upon capture. “If you think a moose is bad, wait until you tango with a red back.” To this day Tar'van fears the creature known as the red back, and what horrors it would bring.The prisioner turned out to be of little help,the stubboness of his people causing them to refuse the danger that the captured human warned of. Tar'van recalls a moment when one of his squad members approached a creature know as a dingo, insistent they had seen these creatures before and they were tame. They barely escaped with 5 of the original 7 members of his squad.Another moment Tar'van recalls was the brutal mauling they witnessed by the hands of a creature called an ‘Emu’“Don’t feel too bad,” the prisioner mocked. “We lost a war to the Emu’s as well.”Now with only 4 members of their squad left, including themself, Tar'van had learned to listen to the prisoner, to be wary of the simplest of creatures. This human was of the sub-species of ‘Zookeeper’ after all.The ‘Zookeeper’ looks off to the distance, where the creature is.“It’s a kangaroo, leave it be and you’ll be fine.” Tar'van nods, a human signal of acknowledgement if they are correct. The human smiles a bit.“That creature cannot possibly harm us.” Tar'van’s squadleader protests. “It is so docile. I will aproach it and bring back it’s head to show this human is a fearmongering liar.”The human reels back, a look of disgust crosses their face and anger passes through their eyes.“Fucking do it mate, I dare ya.” The human hisses. The squad leader puffs up their hoinn gland, a sign of pride to their species, and aproached the so called ‘Kangaroo’.“This will be unpleasant.” A squadmate mutters as they watch their leader raise their fist and bring it down on the creature. The ‘Kangaroo’ looks a little stunned by the impact, before it raises itself upon its strong tail and uses its powerful heind legs to launch their squadleader backwards through the air.Their squadleader lands upon the ground, unmoving with black blooded oozeing from them. It appears Tar'van is the squads leader now.“I don’t know what they expected.” the human says, smugness filling their tone. “Kangaroos are fucking shreaded. 8-pack and all.”Tar'van steps forward to the human, whom inches back in a sign of fear as Tar'van pulls their blade from its holster, and in their first act as leader, frees the human of the bonds around their hands.“Please,” Tar'van bags. “Get us back safely.”

miracufic

@kryallaorchid

, you guys

really

lost a war to emus? Why was it necessary?

kryallaorchid

oh, mate, you

never

mess with the emus.

kawaguardian

(Jesus christ. Dont get us started on kangaroos)They had faced Emu’s. They had lost one in the battle but had experienced them. But this was no emu.Looking to their guide, they all stare in horror as his face changes from calculating to fear. Pure, heart consuming horror as he stares at the large bird.

“Cassowary…”

They mimic him in fear. Squawking the horrific name as another joins the first in the mad run towards them.The only ones to survive was the native guide and Tar'van. The guide was carrying the soldier over his shoulder as they made their way back to the settlement.

Tar'van was a wreck. Periodically alternating between rocking in complete silence and whispering broken words in horror.

When they consulted the native all he said was “Its spring…. Magpie season…”

paksenarrion-reader

“Listen up, troops. This armour upgrade has been tested both in the laboratories of the best Imperial military scientists and in the field. We are impervious to the stings of any insect on this hellhole of a planet, striped or not! We can brave the perils of its wildlife, and conquer it at long last! Revenge for our fallen companions! Glory to the Emperor!”

“Excuse me,” the native Terran guide speaks up in a tired tone, and the squad’s cheers die on their lips. “This is Japan. You haven’t seen what–”

“Silence, worm! No sting can penetrate this plating!”

The guide tries to warn them once again, merely earning a blow that throws them to their knees. The troops set out, morale high, certain in their ability to brave the wildlife now and thirsting for vengeance against the non-sentient native species. One soldier thumps his fist against a tree. A hollow sound follows.

In an instant, the soldier is the centre of a storm of the striped insects. At first, no one pays it any mind. Their little stings cannot penetrate the new plating, after all.But then the soldier falls to his knees, and the squad stares in horror as the insects enclose him in layer upon layer of their own bodies, all moving. The squad’s medic yells a warning at everyone to stay back, watching the readouts of the unfortunate soldier’s armour on their diagnostic screen with undisguised horror. The insects aren’t even stinging. They simply keep moving, one atop the other, and the soldier’s body temperature is slowly rising until he drops to the ground, quite literally cooked alive. The insect swarm takes off, unharmed save for the ones that were crushed when the trooper fell.Finally asked about what happened, the human sighs. “Japanese honeybees. They do this to wasps, too.”

murkymuse

“How?” You ask. “How has your species dominated this planet?”

The human bares its teeth. A smile, they call it. Something humans do when they are happy. Yet you can’t help but think of all the

creatures

with the their large fangs and sharp teeth

(What kind of species uses a threat signal as a sign of happiness?)“Persistence and ingenuity.” The human answers, still smiling. It doesn’t matter that this one is your prisoner. Humans, you decide, are as terrifying as their planet.

fallenwithstyle

“And scattered about it … were the Martians–

dead!

–slain by the putrefactive and disease bacteria against which their systems were unprepared; slain as the red weed was being slain; slain, after all man’s devices had failed, by the humblest things that God, in his wisdom, had put upon this earth.” – HG Wells,

The War of the Worlds,

1898

catbountry

I’m picturing aliens going up against a hoard of Canadian geese, or a swan.I think at that point they’d just give up.

invaderdrey

Or fire ants

eeyore9990

No one even MENTIONED snakes yet…

breelandwalker

This thing gets better EVERY FUCKING TIME I SEE IT.

fir-trees-unite

“Let us try the creatures that the humans keep for domestic companionship”

“Is that a miniature tiger?”

“Why does this human own a small pack of wolves?”

The aliens ask their human captive why small wolves live with them. “Oh, you mean dogs? Yeah, they’re the only animals that can keep up with us.”

The aliens look at each other in fear. “What do you mean?”“Oh well that’s why you guys ‘won’ is because humans aren’t super fast or strong. I think my middle school biology teacher called us pursuit predators? It means we evolved to hunt things by following them at walking pace until they had to stop to sleep and then catching up to them then. Dogs are the only animals that can keep up with us. Did you know one time a pack of wolves tailed a herd of caribou for three days straight?”

“Uh… okay, what about these small round things with big teeth?”

“Omg dude no if you give a hamster enought time that little fucker can chew through concrete :)”

The aliens wonder if the surrender of humanity was a trap.

grimm-fairy

Somebody do sharks or sea creatures next. Giant squids would wreak havoc on their ships.

obsessionality

The aliens have sophisticated technology which pretty much allows them to live underwater, which is something even the inventive humans have never managed. Submarines have nothing on alien submersion pods, which can withstand the crushing pressures of even the darkest depths of the oceans and seas. The aliens aren’t expecting any difficulties with their underwater expeditions. Of course, that’s when four of the life signs on the central screen simply vanish, like they’d never been there. Alpha turns on the direct communication lines to the remaining submersion pods, and the only thing they hear through the tinny speakers is screaming. Alpha resists the urge to turn and stare at the shackled human standing behind them, but Beta, Gamma and Theta have no such compunctions. The human shrugs. “I mean, we’ve never really been down there so we’re not entire sure, but we’ve heard stories of giant squids and stuff. No smoke without fire, and all that.” “There can be neither smoke nor fire underwater, human, cease your prattling.”

The human snorts. “It’s a phrase. A metaphor? Man, I don’t know, I studied marine biology, not literature.” The human is unable to tell them anything useful about what might have happened to the submersion pods, but retrieved footage later shows tentacled behemoths snaking out of the depths of disturbed silt and cold water, and crushing the submersion pods effortlessly, in full view of the outer-hull cameras. The monsters have giant beaks which rip through the organic alloy sheets, and into the bodies of the pod pilots within. The outer-hull cameras register the blue of fresh spilled blood and gore, at the same time the on-board cameras register screaming and the red glow of critical power failure. The last thing the aliens can see on the retrieved footage is thin, long, snakelike creatures appearing out of the darkness and gloom, creating their own light and descending upon the remains of their brethren. They are accompanied by creatures that look like plastic bags, but which feed upon the toxic remains of the organic alloy of which the pods were made.

The human appears completely nonchalant - there is no love lost between slave and master. “Wait till you see sharks.”

endangereduglythings

I’ve seen this post go around a few times, but this time I have some thoughts:

1) This is more or less the plot of Animorphs.2) Earth has Poison Dart Frogs, we’re clearly a Death World.3) I’m now imagining them deciding to set up a base on the poles, because life on this planet is clearly dependant on plants. So, that frozen wasteland should be safe of any dangerous megafauna.

Cue Polar Bear out of nowhere.

tigriswolf

GIANT SQUID.

gigiree

OH GOD. This is brilliant.

slyrider

@words-writ-in-starlight

ik you’ve reblogged various versions of this but this one has so many more…

words-writ-in-starlight

MY FUCKING FAVORITE THING OKAY

massivelysuperbbird

Of course the aliens are not dumb. So eventually they put their head of operations in some urban area somewhere in western europe, because the humans have long ago killed all the dangerous beasts who used to live there, like bears and wolfs. But then an entire team gets murdered by a grey monstrosity the humans call “elephant” and then one of the dreaded tigers shows up and rippes the head off the consuls body. The vice consul (now new consul, apparently) runs to the human prisoneres in a rage. “You said those monsters do not live here.” “I don’t know man”, one of the humans sais. “They aren’t supposed to be here. Maybe they broke out of the zoo.” And to his horror, the new consul finds out that the humans have brought animals all over the world for fun, and apparently a tiger can sneak up on you anywhere on this god forsaken planet.

weasowl (yup this is one of the two I contributed, ‘cause i thought “what about plants?”)

Dath’ucks crew was low in both moral and living members by the time they landed on the second lowest continent. Still angry about the, what were they called, snakes, of their last landing spot, he shoved their human captive “why did you not warn us about the snake creatures!?”

“Honestly? didn’t think they’d be poisonous to you, bein’ aliens and all,” she grinned, “I guess if our planet is suitable for habitation by you, you probably have some overlapping biology though, hunh?”

“Yessss,” Dath’uck hissed through the translator, “our biology has… similarities.” The thought was insulting and repugnant, but true. They didn’t even have to wear breathing masks here.

He turned to his remaining squad, 7 ragged t’thali. “Crew! This landing, we approach no creatures! We will stay hidden and recuperate. There!” He exclaimed, pointing one flay-hook tipped appendage, “We will secure ourselves within the foliage over there.”

As they got closer, the human balked “Hey, I’m not going in there.” Dath’uck shoved her forward, but the human resisted strongly “Fuck you! Flay me right here if you’re going to!” They all stopped. Snakes and tigers and orcas (oh dark t’thali gods the orcas!) had given them a certain caution, finally. “Why? What lives among those plants?” hissed Dath’uck’s translating rig.

“Nothing. It’s the bushes in there. They’re worse than snakes.”

The 8 t’thali gathered to one side for a quick meeting.

“Do the plants here move? Are they… plant creatures?”

“Yes,” said Krai’thulc, who had briefly looked over the xenobotany files before their initial descent, “but only very very slowly, like the life on Rakuur 3.”

“It’s a trap,” was Zi’ithli’s opinion, “there is some creature lives in those plants, and this human refuses to tell us what it is”

“No,” piped up Gr’unth, “the scanner shows no animal life.”

“It’s a trick!” insisted Zi’ilithi whose screaming battle-partner had gone down to some monstrous nightmare humans called a ‘boar’. The others agreed, it was a trick, it must be, everything on this damn planet was, but what was the trick? Could it be… here was finally safety, and this human was trying to prevent them from it? Dath’uck ordered them all to enter the area of foliage very cautiously, leaving the human on the edge of the area, guarded by Zi’ilithi who wanted no part of it.

“Don’t… touch… anything.” Dath’uck ordered.

Slowly, so. very. slowly. they made there way into the patch of greenery, not touching so much as a single leaf or stalk. Standing grouped in the middle of the plants, they looked around cautiously, watching the plants for any sign of movement. Dath’uck began to speak: “I think our human is just being - “

Unbeknownst to the others, Gr’unth’s leg brushed one of the bushes. His screams panicked the rest, and they began to flee, trying to push their way through the plants in their terror.

From the edge of the greenery, Zi’ilithi heard the screams and saw his companions fall, thrashing in agony and beginning to wheeze and gasp. No coward, Zi’lithi jumped forward, but a branch smacked across one appendage and stopped him with a burning, crushing, electric pain like nothing ever felt before. His multi-faceted eyes caught a glitter in the air and suddenly his breathing organs were on fire also, His whole existence was the pain, as he crawled backwards and away, in the direction of the escaping human, who was punching the air and gleefully yelling the plant’s name.

Later, t’thali xenobiologists would examine the plant in horror. It grew fairly large, and its roots pulled minerals out of the ground, which it used to grow tiny spines made of crystal. The minuscule crystal spines grew thick as hair on every surface: trunk, twig, and leaf. They were sharp and jagged, penetrating easily, and brittle, breaking off once lodged. Wind, or shaking the plant, could release broken spine tips into the air, where they were tiny enough to float around.

The crystalline spikes were cone shaped, and hollow, and each contained a potent and concentrated liquid neurotoxin. Each microscopic dose attacked the nerves directly, causing every kind of pain it was possible to feel.

The invisibly small spines, once lodged, would continue to slowly seep, making the pain last for incredible amounts of time, up to three orbits of the planet around the sun.

Natives called it the Gympie Gympie, also known as the suicide bush, because people were known to take their own life to escape the terrible pain it caused

t-rexsam

They are using human vehicles to traverse the alien landscape. These “cars” are much better than their own vehicles at navigating the “roads”, especially in the “forests”. They see something in the road in the distance. It’s a large shape. It’s huge in fact. It stares them down. “Keep driving,” Xxyberx says in thought speak. “It will move.”

Bncux keeps his lowered tentacle on the go-thing. The creature gets closer and closer, still staring at them. It doesn’t move. It’s in the middle of the “road”. “Hit it!” Xxyberx screams. He was always one for violence.

Bncux hits the creature, and it goes straight through the windshield. It’s “legs” strike the two travelers repeatedly until all three of them have died. The creature bled out. It sacrificed its own life just to take two of ours. Why would it do that? Does it not value its own life?”“What did the creature look like?” The human asked.

“It had long legs, stiff, brown covering, and a white tail.

“Oh, yeah, deer are dicks.”

firelordderpy

“Zargon Log 21, our platoon has been cut off and decimated by a lone human and his, monsters….. No matter where we go they always can seem to find us, leading him to us with their terrible cries. Zublub found a long animal with no legs this morning, when he tried to catch it however it bit him and soon he was dying on the ground. Less than an hour later Zordor’s foot sank into the ground and a swarm of horrific little flying animals started attacking us, we were forced to break cover and run as their painful attacks were unstoppable due to their numbers and small size. We can….”

“Sick ‘Em boys!”

*Audio is filled with the sounds of dogs barking before ending*

meggory84

Invaders go out by the Rocky Mountains, looking for resources, never to return. The humans whisper to each other, smugly. “Cougar.”Patrols break down out on the primitive roadways, calling headquarters for assistance. Their hovercraft are towed back to base as if it hit a wall of rock. The leader of the local human community laughs in the Commandant’s face gargles something unintelligible: “"Aye, m’bye, moose’ll getcha!”They abandon the town of Churchill after a white monstrosity casually strolls into their tent and eats the officer and half the enlisted men.

imfeelingthelove

They had brought along a human guide, because they had realized that the land was impossible to traverse without a native. The last squad to walk into the area without a guide had been quickly destroyed by a monstrous beast the human had named ‘Wolf.’They were in the land the human called Canada, and they were prepared for any ‘Wolf’ or ‘Moose’ that crossed their path. Still, there was a tension in the air, as the squad had heard the horror stories of Australia and couldn’t help but wonder if this land was anything like it.The human guide hadn’t been helpful. The squad members all took the human’s words very seriously, and the human had been taking advantage of that.“Careful,” the human gasped, and every squad member froze. “See that?” it pointed at a small rodent-like animal that had long ears.“It’s poisonous. Just one touch and you’ll die instantly.”“What is it called? Are there many of them?” a squad member asked fearfully.The human nodded seriously. “It’s called a bunny. They are everywhere.”The ‘bunny’ was not poisonous, as they had found out. The human had just laughed at them when they carefully confronted the ‘bunny’.They had decided to stop for a rest near a small body of water called a pond. Sle'thir had just put down his weapon when he noticed the human staring at the ground, frowning.“What is it?” Sle'thir asked. The human pointed at a small, slimy green pellet on the ground. Sle'thir looked around and started to notice that they were all over the ground surrounding the pond.“We need to go.” the human said nervously. “There are swans here.”Sle'thir nodded and turned to the squad members. “Time to head out,” he called.“Why, are there bunnies around?” Another said back sarcastically, and promptly sat on the ground.The human had warned them. They barely survived, and none of them came out without a gouged eye or missing finger, save the human. They ran back to the settlement, leaving their dropped gear and sprinting away from the pond.Sle'thir knew he would have nightmares about swans forever.

misheancolchester

It was only a small bite, nothing that the medic couldn’t wrap up and heal within a day or two. It was barely even a scratch and two of his crew hadn’t even made it out alive. He had counted himself lucky. The monsters that attacked them had gone by the name of some kind of mythological creature, and the humans had been coexisting with them, even protecting them, so they had underestimated the danger. He would learn from this mistake though. His wound would heal, and he would be stronger for it. Except it wouldn’t heal.After a week, the wound had turned a nasty colour, and began to reek. The scratch began to fester and ooze.His strength was sapped and the medic could offer no cure.In order to cool his feverish body he went outside to breathe. He needed to clear his head which was delirious with fever and pain.He stumbled and fell, the edges of his vision blurred.Then he saw it, between the trees, low to the ground, it’s tongue tasting the air, and it’s eyes dark, and unfathomably evil.It heaved it’s scaly body towards him. The humans word for it floated across his mind as the monster began to devour it’s still breathing meal. Komodo Dragon.

ambicolor

Tau'Hvelr felt his blood turn cold as the human began laughing. That horrible sound… at first they did not know what it meant. But word began to spread. If a human “laughed” while in the field, pain was always close behind. Not from the human, mind you, but from whatever unholy abomination the Xenkir had stumbled onto.Tau’s mind raced through the possibilities. One “week” in this frozen forest had given him plenty of material. One of the massive, shambling wads of muscle the human had called a bear? There was no howling, and Tau knew his sense of hearing was far sharper than the human’s, so it couldn’t be a “wolf,” whatever that was. They weren’t near the water, so the huge “killer whale” was out (thank Her Majesty’s Divine Providence for that - Tau didn’t want to get anywhere near one of those.)He refocused as the laughter continued. It must be related to the task at hand. The human had told them that the minerals the Xenkir needed to survive could be found under the ground, and that holes often opened up for easy access. The troops were low on sustenance, and when Tau saw one of these holes he leapt for it with his extractor ready. The limb was now 3 krlle deep into the tunnel, but…“Human!” Tau'Hvelr snapped, “why are you laughing!?”The human slowly stopped, wiped liquid from their ocular socket, and said “Because I’ve been a ranger up here for 15 years, and I know a wolverine den when I see one.

————

The screaming wouldn’t stop. Dark, light, no matter the period of the planet’s rotation the screaming wouldn’t stop. Two of S'viraj’s men had already punctured their audial receptors in an effort to get some peace. S'viraj was tempted, if she was being honest.She stormed to the human, lounging in the shade while his captors went insane. “You will tell me what this is now!” She demanded. “Why are the trees making this awful noise?”The human just looked at S'viraj. “It’s a Texas summer,” he drawled.“And..?” S'viraj’s voice seethed with anger.The human shrugged. “Cicadas.”

tayloroneswiftdirectionforever

It laid there, injured and abandoned, terrified out of his mind. The settings sun cast a tragic glow upon it’s blue skin, shaky breath and trembling muscles making it hard to focus.A lion, they had said. King of the jungle, they had said. Leave it alone, they had said! But it read up on lions before, knew that the women were the hunters of the pride. It should have been fine with a lone male. It wasn’t. It had taken five of them to kill it, all five but him now dead. The human had laughed, running away and laughing… Laughing…And now it was back. The laughing. Had the human come back? But it sounded wrong, off. That wasn’t a human laugh.The alien looked around, green blood still seeping from its limbs. The laughing got closer and closer, and then it saw them. A pack of dog looking creatures. Oh God, what are they?The pack ran around him, getting closer and laughing louder. Never had the alien heard such a terrible sound! “Get away!” It screamed in its native tongue. “Stay back, beasts!”They came upon it, their laugher never dying, just rolling off them in different patterns. The alien was viciously ripped apart in seconds.Hyenas. An animal the aliens, up until that moment, had never encountered before.

such-a-random-rambler

Arch-General Takng had overhead the human slaves talking again. No-one knew exactly how they were sharing information and the alien invaders were now getting worried that there was some sort of resistance. Takng’s humans didn’t seem to be involved in anything like that – mostly they talked about the weather, but sometimes they seemed to find out about the creature attacks in other parts of the world. Takng was greatful that he had been assigned to a relatively safe part of the planet, previously known as ‘Great Britain’.“Ah, I sure wish one of these guys would run into the Beast of Bodmin one day” said one slave to the other, and was met with what natives called ‘laughter’.Takng recognised Bodmin as a human name for a place not far from here. If there was some sort of creature that close he needed to find out more about what sort of threat it posed. Later: “Tell me all you know of the Beast of Bodmin” Takng demanded of his human.“What?” The human seemed shocked, afraid maybe. Was that because Takng had revealed that he had been listening, or because of the creature?“You heard, The Beast. Everything. Now.” Takng could be very imposing when he wanted to be and it was this he accredited to the human’s hesitant speech.“Well, no-one really knows much about the Beast.”“Of course you do.”“Nooooo. We don’t know how many creatures are on the moor. We don’t know how big they get. We don’t know what they are. That’s why we just say ‘beast’.”“But you are curious creatures, surely you have tried to find out?”“There are people who have hunted the Beast over the years, some have been obsessed. But no-one has ever produced any concrete proof of what’s out there. Some blurred photographs maybe. We just learned to keep of the moor. Especially at night. You can disappear out there without a trace.”“Has it been seen off the moor?”“No. But then nobody’s got a really good look on the moor either. At least who has come back to talk about it.”“You know what will happen if I find out that you are lying.” Takng drew himself up to his full height.The human took a step back and raised it’s hands in a gesture that Takng had come to know was defensive.“I’m not lying. Every word I’ve said is true. Sometimes people don’t come back from the moor. And the Beast of Bodmin is a mystery.” This had the ring of truth about it.Takng sat up well into the night, pondering his situation. He had thought he was in safe corner of the planet with no ferocious predators, nothing to poison or strangle him while the slept. But here he was not far from something so formidable that there had never been any survivors of an encounter with it!Dawn came and he still didn’t know what to do – order an evacuation of the entire island, or send his entire task force to search for and destroy whatever was on the moor no matter how long it took.

runaway-art

How… have house cats not been mentioned??“Oh, that’s just my pet cat, Tiger. He’s really sweet. You should pet him!”The alien reaches down to pet the weird, fat, orange cat. At first, the cat liked it, so the alien liked it. Then, out of nowhere the cat became agitated and attacked the alien.“I THOUGHT YOU SAID IT WAS ‘SWEET’?!”“You scratched his ear wrong, of course he was going to get mad.”The alien doesn’t understand “Why keep something so dangerous and unpredictable? Your whole planet has millions of options for pets and you choose this?”“Well, yeah, he’s cute, so I love him.”The alien sighed, of course they keep it as a pet. At least they don’t keep those “spiders” or “snakes” as pets, right?

ntgforever

They had survived all the dangers of this planet. From the smallest “spider” to the biggest “tiger” and everything in between. Xnerox and his crew were reknowned heroes of the Klaope race, the biggest known regiment of the military to have survived over 6 cycles on this hellhole of a planet.“We have all your little tricks figured out,” he said proudly to one of his elder humans.The human, once so defeated, laughed low and slow at Xnerox’s declaration.“Oh? You think you do?” they muttered, not bothering to raise their head or their voice. Frustrated, Xnerox took her jawline in his clingers and pulled it upwards. He knew better to ignore it when a human got smug with him.“What do you have to be so happy about?”“This ol kneecap a’ mine’s workin’ isself up again. You just wait ‘till nightfall an’ see how much you know about our little survival tricks.”Hours later the human was reported missing. They had searched all across the campgrounds, but she was nowhere to be found.It later became apparent what she was raving about. The sky went far too dark for Xnerox’s tastes. The air was suddenly cold. Heavy drops of “rain” were falling from the sky. The wind was picking up. “Rain” turned to “ice.”And then it stopped, very suddenly.And then there was a horrible howling like a thousand Axies meeting their death.…It was dawn when Mary climbed out of the cellar. She looked out at the remains of the Klaope camp—nothing but one survivor, clinging to life, one good stomp away from having a crushed skull. She wandered up and put her foot on xis temple.“What…”“Y’all might got our wildlife figured out,” she commented, “but even we can’t tame a twister.”

wandering-imagination

The newest specimen brought in is no bigger than a human nose. Amorphous and fragile, a team had brought it back after another unsuccessful expedition to the ocean. The survival rate is 2 out of 5, so it isn’t happy news when Na'fyor and their team are assigned to bring back more. The human children that were allowed to work on-base hear of the creature, and soon the creature has a name.Squishy is beloved by all, and the children love to watch him float around in his tank, cooing his name. When they hear that more would come soon they giggle and whisper to each other, but Na'fyor thinks nothing of it.When the team finally sets out to find more “jellyfish,” their ability to breath in water comes in handy, and they have little protection around their extremities. Upon finding a group of bigger, faster jellyfish, they look carefully for dangerous parts before grabbing the box-shaped blobs with little protection.Na'fyor later tells the story to the children at the base, and instead of being scared, they

laugh,

and whisper to each other about fish and seaturtles.The survival rate is now 2 out of 6, and Na'fyor is suddenly interested in a type of human entertainment called movies.

iconuk01

The squad was three days out on patrol when they lost the first member. The hellhole so awful that even the natives term for it frequently translated as “Dirt underfoot” was now seen as a place of punishment for many of the Legions, but there were still some who viewed it as a challenge.

Such a one was Sarcal-<clik>, respected Third Claw of the 87th Legion. Not only an admired leader and a feared warrior (They had led the assualt on Urpga-9 after all), but one whose exo-skeleton and mist sacs were amongst the most elegantly beautiful of their generation (though they were apporpriately modest about such things). In every respect they were a warrior to aspire to be like, resplendent in the finest, hand-polished ceramic body armour, guaranteed (so the makers claimed) to be able to resist the claws of even the “tyg’er”, though no one was too keen to put that one to the test. They had volunteered for this duty, partly out of a love of the challenge, partly out of a desire to excel… There was a Dirt-ian song which included the lyrics “If I can make it there, I’ll make it anywhere” and this was being generally applied to the surivors of more than one tour of duty.

Simply having them on Dirt (There HAD to be a better name) was a source of pride for many, and relief for others (in the hope that a bad report from Salrcal<clik> would be enough to get Command to evacuate this godsforsaken planet.)

So it was a cause of great concern when Sarcal-<clik> could not be woken when it came time for their watch that night. Like any good soldier, they slept in their armour when sharing watch duty. Swiftly, an officer was called and when the visor was raised, it was not that they were dead which was the greatest shock, but the look of horror frozen on that noble visage.The field surgeon performing the cursory autopsy could not identify cause of death beyond poison of some sort. The humans bearers on the squad hadn’t been near them, so they were in the clear, but beyond that, it was a mystery.

The prized armour was passed to the next in command, as Sarcal<clik> would have wished, and though the sqaud were not nearly as inspired as once they might have been, they continued the patrol, determined to honour their comrade’s memory. There would be poems composed of this mission on the Homeworld in Sarcal<clik>’s honour, and their behaviour would reflect on them all in the telling.

It was not long, however, before the second in command convulsed and collapsed. Not as stoic as Sarcal<clik> their death was just as horrific, but less restrained and though the surgeon was still not able to identify how such a powerful neurotoxin could have entered their system.There was some understandable reluctance on the newly appointed second in command to take on the armour. it may have been beautiful and gleamed in the even the unpleasantly yellow Dirt-ian sun, but it now had a reputiation.And it was one that was well earned. The scream of the dying soldier was heard by all. They took longer that the previous victims, and their last contorlled movement was to point to their hindfoot, but the armoured boot was perfectly intact.

After that no one would go near the armour, it had a bad reputaiton, it would be boxed up and returned to the Homeworld for display in some museum or other. Thus is was only two human bearers cleaning it before transport who were present when the small shape fell out of the toe of the boot.

“Careful matel! Funnel web!”“Dead now. That explains a lot though. I guess tiger proof doesn’t mean spider-proof, and they LOVE dark spaces to hide in. Doubt the bite would show up on mottled skin like theirs.””Should we tell our high and mighty masters in case there are any more about?”They exchanged a gleefully malevolent look and shared a smile.“Why trouble them with such a trivial little matter.”They saluted the remains of the spider as they left. If they noticed the egg sac that was hidden in the depths of the boot as they put it into the transport, they said nothing.

ridersofdickhan

It was just a simple recon. The squad had been hearing for weeks about rumors that humans were holed up in what were called “submarines.” So two scouts, Sy’ree and Cetru, were sent in stealth suits. They swam quickly over the reef, scattering fish and reaching the drop off. They began to scan the trench, looking for radiation signals that would indicate an underwater craft. Sy’ree split off from Cetru, going down the trench while they went across. Cetru looked down when they were about halfway across. Their suits were designed go be very hydrodynamic, with sleek, rounded sides and a motor at the back. All they saw was utter darkness and nothing. Not even any fish. Interesting. Cetru made a series of clicks, which translated to, “Wow, those fish really booked it when we showed up.” All they heard back was static. They frowned and tapped the side of their helmet. Nothing. “Sy’ree?” Nothing. They looked to where Sy’ree should’ve been. A cloud of blue blood fogged the water. They screamed and looked down. A huge set of teeth came up from the water. They screeched and dodged, the creature missing by just an inri. Cetru breathed fast. The creature halted and began to circle. Tiny, dead, black eyes. A massive, gray and white body. Bigger than a small shuttle. Cetru booked it. The thing was faster though, catching their legs. The last thing tey managed to transmit was, “Huge! Dark! Teeth!” before being crunched open.To this day, the crew of the Anlax still mourns their two mates, lost to the monster known as “shark.”

rdjshookerheels

They’d seen it all.Tigers.Leopards.Crocodiles.Kangaroos.Birds.Hippopotamuses.Nothing could shock them anymore. They had seen them all. All of the disgusting, vicious creatures that lurked in the dark, in the water, in the bushes.The humans couldn’t think of anything else, that was as dangerous as the creatures they had already come across.They were now prepared. They had knives, shields, weapons, sprays, tactics to distract them.They were invincible.Or so they thought.They hadn’t prepared for this.Nothing could have warned them of the alarming colouration, the glossy eyes, the ribbed skin – or the pounce.The poison melted right through their skin.This they learned to fear.Now, everywhere the went, that treacherous sound warned them of the impending death that awaited.This sound they feared like the night.

“Ribbit.”

theoriginallunafate

Sr'axith steadied himself on the vessel’s console, one tentacle shading his eyes from the hard light as it reflected off the water. He was tense, unable to relax as his eyes darting between the banks of the river where terrifying creatures he’d only heard about in stories lay in wait for the unprepared. The loss of the seventh terrestrial squadron left those on this hunting expedition well aware of the powerful jaws of those so-called gators. But bands of human resistance fighters converged here, hiding along the waterway in caves, and those with far more political power than Sr'axith ordered they be captured. Despite all the preparations the team went through, things hadn’t been going well.Day one of the assault saw the loss of two of his group to legless creatures known as snakes. They’d been careful to avoid the ones in the water, but no one had warned them that the things could drop down into the vessel from overhanging branches. Then, as they prepared to sleep later that night, Rig'insh found he was host to a dozen parasites–tiny creatures no longer than Sr'axith’s eyetooth. When he’d tried to remove one, part of the body broke away, but the head remained embedded in Rig'insh’s arm. It was then that they realized in horror that it was slowly digesting his blood. A consultation with the captured “Southerner” only garnered an eye-roll and a shake of the head.“Ya’ll got ticks,” he said. When asked how to kill them, he just laughed. “Can’t. Gotta shock ‘em, make 'em let go. Most people burn them off.”Sr'axith sighed, then sniffed. The boat still had a particularly foul smell from burning flesh. He would miss Rig'insh. At least they figured out how to remove them in time to save Cith'ikn. He looked up, happy to know that his partner lived. Cith’ikn’s eyes wide as they darted from one dangerous location to another, obviously wary of their current predicament. Turning, Cith'ikn began to speak, but a silver flash from the river drew Sr'axith’s attention. Before he could even yell out a warning, Cith'ikn was gone. Blood covered the deck and the water was a mass of splashing and thrashing as the alligators claimed their dinner.

Cith’ikn was dead. Sr'axith began to keen in sorrow, but his cries were drowned out by the Southerner’s maniacal laughter.“Motherfucking sturgeon, what are the odds?” the man yelled as he laughed even louder.These words were the last Sr'axith would hear before he, too, was killed. He’d made the terrible mistake of wearing only the lightest armor available due to the impossible heat; sadly, that amour couldn’t protect his fragile form from the impact of a hundred and fifty pound fish.

isexuallyidentifyasanah-64

It was like combing through a minefield.Sometimes you could go through dozens, if not hundreds of housing units and not find a single one, and then the next one has 3 of them.Before we can even see the building they live in, they sense us. They lie in wait by the door, listening, watching. Their horrific howls fill the air almost every night, as if they were communicating.Even the small ones are lethal. I lost two of my closest friends to one that was only an Earth Foot tall. It snapped at their feet and when they fell, it went for their throats.I went straight to the human and described the horrid monster that attacked us.“A Chihuahua did that to you? Wait until you meet a German Shepard, or a Great Dane! Oh I can’t wait to see that!”

lianabrooks

After years of trying to take the planet the soldiers have learned to fear the giant beasts. They know of the spiders and the snakes all too well. But now a new menace is attacking them, unseen… chills, fatigue, night sweats, abdominal cramps… there’s no monster attacking and yet it grows.The human captive sighs as it looks at them dying by the hundreds. “It’s probably a flu of some kind.”Later, those that recover find their legs swelling. They’re being eaten from inside. Something from this Death World has gotten inside!“Parasites,” the human says knowingly. “Didn’t anyone tell you not to drink the water?”

Dying, shaking, starving… they retreat leaving their captives behind. If the small human population can rebuild, well, no one believes it will happen. Not on the Death World. They’ll come back in a few thousand years when the diseases and parasites have killed each other off and there is nothing left alive to hunt them.

treacherous-vigilante

After finally creating a number of strongholds on most of the large landmasses, the subjugation of Earth’s ‘wildlife’ began. Commander Roxix decided to lead his unit onto the next conquest, a smaller desert covered landmass. His team was consisted of highly skilled Xorrans who had prevailed against ‘hippopotamuses’ and ‘tigers’. It started out with constant radio chatter, updates at the mission and complaints about the human prisoner. They apparently kept spouting nonsense about creatures called Platypuses, Magpies and Drop Bears. Are research had shown them to be nothing more than simple myths to frighten the local population. So when we hadn’t heard from them at the allocated time, we thought noting of it.It has been 15 Kliks since the last message, a simple all clear, bringing a panic to Command. I watched as Commanders in my quadrant frantically signaled each other, trying to work out what was wrong with the radio. A subordinate suggested it could be something dangerous, but cet was laughed off. Commander Roxix would never fall to this ‘wildlife’. Command checked the radio, it was fine and transmitting.Eventually Leader Hessix dragged out one of the human captives to interograte about this unknown land. Upon hearing what had happened, the human laughed, the sound reverberating through all our ear-flaps. Command responded with a punch to the face. Still smiling, they took a breath through bloody teeth.“You thought here was death world? That’s just our nickname for Australia.”

hweianime

“Mate, I wouldn’t pick that up if I were ya.”X’igger paused, his hand hovering over the smooth cone-shaped shell. He looks to Mike, the human guide who looks far too bored for his liking. “Human, this is our objective.” He explains irritatedly.He has heard stories about the human guides that have been key in saving his fellow comrades. But this Mike human has done nothing but laugh as his team shout and scream in pain as the invisible monsters known as jellyfish had attacked them in the shallow waters. When asked to make the horrible pain stop, he had pulled down his flimsy human armour and had excreted yellow liquid waste onto the victims’ legs. The pain in his legs had subsided but X’igger doubts the pain in his pride will ever recover.Their mission had seemed simple, to collect the slow moving sea snails and the generously harmless hermit crabs. They will be the first step in understanding this ‘marine life’ and slowly their people will truly conquer this death trap of a world. Starting with the beaches and oceans.Now if only this Mike human wasn’t so defective. He knew he should’ve picked the Cindy female.“Yeah mate, I get it, collect seashells, rule the galaxy, blah de blah blah.” X’igger wishes Mike dead. He would be if he wasn’t so afraid about re-experiencing the jellyfish again. If what Mike says is true, those that they had encountered were harmless compared to the aptly named, ‘Man Of War’. X’igger will not let his team fight against such a high threat level enemy blind just because the human has mocked their great cause. “I’m just saying, you shouldn’t agitate that big beauty right there.”X’igger narrows his eyes at the human. “This is a shell. There has been no evidence of anything life threatening in shells, you are trying to dissuade me because this is the biggest specimen we have located so far.”Mike shrugged, “Whatever man, as long as I get over half of you alive out of here I’m considered a pretty decent guide by you weirdos.”X’igger snarled but stood up and went to look for other shells. He didn’t like the odd smooth shaping of the thing anyway. It was probably a pathetic weak crab infant relying on-“AaaAgGHhhhH!” Came a strangled cry of pain, “Mother of Kriskracalyx!”“Dude. I

just

told you.”X’igger spun around to see one of the more foolhardy soldiers try pick up what once he had abandoned. Something was sticking out of the shell, and piercing into the flesh of the soldier’s bare hand. “Human! What monster is this?!” He demands.“Cone snail.” Mike replies, looking a little sick at the ooze coming out of the attacked soldier’s limb. “Ew, your blood is black-y. Did you guys know that?”“That, that

thing

is a snail?!”“Well I mean, I heard they were planning on labeling it as a completely different species or some jazz but then the whole alien invasion thing happened and yeah.”“C-can’t breathe…” the soldier gasped futilely. Mike winced.“Yeah, can’t help you there mate. Usually it can just paralyze ya, but this probably means it’s poison’s hit your nerves and shutting down your respiratory system. I mean, there’s probably medication or something but I ain’t no doctor. Should’ve asked for Cindy.”

Son

of a

bixel

to-the-ends-of-infinity

this is my take two, and i fucking love this post. Dihesil cautiously followed their leader onto the terrain. It is rough, though patches here and there are slick and glassy. Their human guide is terrified. It strains against the soldiers holding it, muttering frantically under its breath. “

We’re gonna die, we’re gonna fucking die.”

Squad leader Tarhsis seems unconcerned. As the small group approached the top of the sloping terrain, a slight rumble shook the ground. The human yelped and struggled worse than ever, and the guards scowled and lifted it straight off the ground to carry it along.

“Please!” The human cried. “We have to retreat now, if any of us wants to survive! Please, I’m a geologist, I know what’s happening! We’ll be killed!”

Tarhsis laughed. “Silly human. Your fellows have tricked us before, and we will not be tricked again.” They pointed toward the top. “Advance.”

“No!!” The human kicked its guards in the loikinin glands and ran, the two soldiers left coughing and wheezing.

Dihesil reluctantly raised their blaster to strike the human down, but Tarhsis stopped them. “There’s nowhere for it to run. We have camps down there, and we’ll punish it properly after we’re done here.”

The squad had taken only another two paces when the ground rocked beneath their feet and threw them down. A horrible gasping roar began at the top of the incline, and bright orange liquid spilled out. The heat slapped Dihesil in the face, making them realize that perhaps the human had been right to flee.

In the end, only Dihesil made it back to the sip and to the camps in time to warn the others. The human who had run shook its head as it saw the burns lacing Dihesil’s body.

“I told you so.”~~~~~Yunor had been on the first ship to land on the island chain, and had seen their good friend die at the hands of something the Terran had called “Japanese honeybees.” It made them furious that such a small creature could kill their friend. Now, they swore to explore these islands and discover, conquer, and catalogue all of its deadly features.Their three hundred and twenty-second day began quite well. They were off to investigate the water creatures that lived around the islands. Curiously enough, no rogue Terrans were on the beaches, nor were there any complicit guides on recreation. They greeted one of their other friends cheerily, then began combing the beach for creatures. An hour after arriving, Yunor had been pinched by several “crabs,” and was becoming irritated. A tremor ran through the sand, strong enough to knock them off balance. It continued for several seconds, then ceased. They picked themself up and laughed, returning to the search. The ocean seemed to recede as he walked towards it, further than normal, and far out, it was rising into a massive wall of water. The sea approached fast, growing larger and larger as it came, and Yunor gasped, tried to run, but too late—“A

what

?” Piklono shook the bars of the Terran cage. “What was it?”

“A tsunami,” one Terran said.

Another shook its head. “We told all of you not to go out today.”

rocker-socks

“You want to go out

now

? After a fuckin’

snow storm

?”“We’d like to get this over as quickly as possible human.” It was true. This human country, Canada was it? Was large and cold. It took far too long to get ready and the vast expanse of it made exploring the country difficult. This and Russia had very little volunteers for these exact reasons.“Fine then, I guess. If you wanna get frostbite and amputate a toe or three than who am i to judge eh? Lead the way.”The human rolled his eyes but remained compliant. Good. Retily wanted it to be over as soon as possible.He did not like the cold or the way his comrades appendages would turn black in it.——–“Human hurry up!” Squad leader Fargin yelled, brandishing his prod to help move the human along. The human, whose name was Michael he found out from his collar, stood at the end stiff.“Don’t-, Don’t fucking move guys.” The human, or Michael really, hissed.Only then did Retily notice his eyes were much larger than normal. Was the human experiencing the so called frostbite it talked about? Than why was he staring off into the distance at that certain spot?“Hey uh, Fargin i think i just saw something move?” Comrade Yurien said, staring at the same spot the human was. Huffing Squad leader Fargin brought out his binoculars and looked where the two were. A small excited noise came from the back of his throat as he brought his binoculars down.“Ah Human! No need to fret. It is simply an albino version of a black bear. Do not worry i shall take care of it immediately!”What was meant to be reassuring sentence, and one of Fargin showing off his might, made the human pale considerably. He took a step back and dread filled his face.“No fuck we need to-, we need to get out of here immediately. It ain’t safe. Just-. oh fuck oh fuck” The human seemed afraid of whatever this thing was. And if the human seemed afraid than Retily didn’t think it was smart to go after whatever it was.“Pull yourself together human!” Fargin said, “Yurien and Mastive come with me. We shall dispense of this creature at once!”The three set off towards the animal and each step they took made the human shrink behind Retily. It was all going so well but then the animal turned around and attacked.Yurien was the first to go, with a bite to the neck and claw marks to the chest he bled out immediately. Fargin came right after, his screams echoing around the frozen tundra. Mastive however made a mistake.Mastive ran.The bear chased after him and in the distance they could hear loud screams of pain. The bear had caught up to him it seemed.“Wha-, what was that?” Retily asked, immediately turning towards the human.“A polar bear. Largest, most vicious, bear of bears and we’re fuckin’ lucky it didn’t notice us.” The human replied, still shaking and pale.“Why?”“Because” The human started slowly, disbelief crossing his face at the thought of still being alive “It hunts humans.”

i-got-99-fandoms

They trudged through the musky swamp, the humid air sticky, their clothes sticking to their skin due to the sweat, even though it was nighttime.“Human, where are we now?” asked Kron, the general. The human, Josh, who didn’t even seem fazed by the heat, answered, “This is Florida.”A few soldiers had already been killed off to panthers and black bears, so the remaining decided it’d be best to travel at night when the wildlife were asleep. Before, there had been a total of twenty soldiers. Now there were only six.Something brushed against Neerin, causing him to yelp, only to realize it was moss dangling from a tree. The stems reminded him too much of jellyfish tentacles that they had encountered earlier, causing him to shudder as he scratched at the stings on his legs.As they continued trekking deeper into the swamp, the water became less shallow until they were no longer wading and had to swim instead. The faint sound of ducks quacking in the distance was almost a relief to listen to. At least they’d have food if they needed to stop for the rest of the night.Suddenly, there was noise.Everyone stopped, asking each other if they all heard the same thing. They scanned the area, but it was too dark to see. Thinking it was probably a fish, they resumed their trail. Surely nothing would attack them at night on water, right?Then, there was the noise again, only it was closer and sounded like a low rumble.Everyone paused. Something was stalking them. But what?“Oh shit,” Josh whispered in horror. “Human, what is that noise we just heard?!” Kron demanded. “I recognize that sound anywhere, I heard it before while I was kayaking,” by now, Josh’s voice sounded panicked. Kron grew impatient, “Well? What is it?!”Josh gulped, “Its an alligator.”Before Kron could ask what this ‘alligator’ is, one of his soldiers let out a bloodcurdling scream as something dragged him beneath the water. Everyone looked around frantically, calling out his name, when a dismembered leg with a noticeable bite mark floated up.All soldiers froze in shock when the creature resurfaced, baring its rows of bloodied teeth lining the inside of its elongated snout in rows, hissing as it swam closer.“SWIM AWAY!”Everyone scattered, frantically swimming as fast as they could. Unfortunately, the ruckus only attracted more alligators, which were faster and bigger. There was no hope for survival.Kron hadn’t even noticed Josh escaped, paralyzed as he watched his army be dragged underwater, the sounds of agonizing screams and the snapping of jaws as the gators devoured them.Then, he heard it. The guttural growl as one approached him. Even in the dark, the reptilian creature looked like it was… Smiling. Sadistic and hungry.Grabbing a nearby stick floating in the water, Kron tried swatting at the carnivore, only for it to bite the wood in half and clamp its teeth into his arm. Kron screamed in pain, tugging at his arm in a panicked frenzy. The gator was relentless, only biting down harder with each pull until Kron’s arm ripped off, the remaining swallowed whole by the beast.Tears and snot ran down Kron’s face, stumbling backwards as the gator swam towards him again. When he was able to think rationally, Kron pulled out his combat knife and aimed for the reptile’s back, but the blade didn’t even penetrate through its skin, like it was made of its own scaly armor.There was that dreadful hissing noise again, only this time it was behind him. Then all around him. Kron was surrounded by the alligators who had finished off his men and were now focused on him for their last meal.Kron whimpered in defeat and all the gators pounced on him at once, above and below the water. His limbs ripped off and chunks of flesh torn out of his body, the water turned red with blood, his screams echoing in the marsh as the alligators ate him alive.None of the aliens survived. Only Josh the human.“Good thing I’m a native Floridian,” Josh laughed in relief when he was finally out of the swamp, “otherwise I never would’ve recognized the growl of a gator.”

kennalligatorguin

Aisrain stared questionably at the human as she stopped. “Why aren’t you proceeding?”, he questioned, and the human slowly gestured towards the ground, at what appeared to be a tree root. “Cottonmouth.”, she breathed.Aisrain snarled at the word, “Is that an insult? Don’t make me remind you of what happens to disrespe-” “Shut up.”, the human stated curtly, and Aisrain huffed, moving himself to stand in front of the human-Only to gasp in pain as the “tree root” came to life, boring its fangs into his legs as the crew gasped in shock and horror as the creature clung to their leader’s leg for a few moments longer, then releasing him and wiggling into the brush.Aisrain growled as a burning pain began to spread through his leg, and he glared intensely at the human guide.“What. Was. That.”, he hissed, and the human smiled.“A cottonmouth snake. Well known here, in South Carolina, for their pale mouths. That was a baby, unluckily for you.”, she grinned, and Aisrain yelled out in pain before placing his hand around the human’s neck. “WHAT DO YOU MEAN ‘UNLUCKILY’!?”The human sneered.“Unlike a mature cottonmouth, which will just bite you and deposit a bit of venom…”, she chuckled sadistically, and Aisrain’s pride melted away with her voice in her next words.“A baby cotton will deposit ALL of its venom in one bite.”The crew’s eyes widened, gasps filling the air, but the human held her hand up, silencing them. “It gets worse, Captain Aisrain.”, her words strengthened on the leader’s title, making him shiver under her sadistically happy gaze.“Because you wanted to delve so deep into the forest for your research, we are no where near anywhere that can provide an anti-venom. I told you it was a bad idea.”

delkios

They’d been told not to deviate too far from their designated route but the squad had stumbled upon a small group of humans, it was only prudent that they were captured.

The humans ran, pelting across the long wooden walkway that ran parallel to the sea. One was shouting as if calling for someone ahead and, suddenly, another human stepped out from around the corner and threw something at the squad. Dozens of long, thin objects, yellowy and soft. They got stuck in the squad’s armor and rigging but did nothing more than smell vaguely of oil. The squad barred their teeth in triumph at having withstood the humans’ foolish attack.

And that was when the seagulls swooped in.

candy-crows

Faloan and her team had been walking along the deserted roads for hours now, paying no mind to the small fat birds that watched them. They were looking for their human guide, small and young, who had escaped earlier from the bonds meant for older captives. They were found, panting at the end of a one way road- surrounded by the noisy grey birds. Faloan was foolish enough spook them when she charged, and by the time her team can cleaned all the white gunk from their visors, the human child was nowhere in sight.

They brought back the information to an older human captive who broke out into laughter. “Those are fuckin’ pigeons for ya.”

iheartskyrim

Goralpa decided to give Australia another go, as no one had been there since the cassowary incident. They brought a human named ‘Cameron’ with them, who was native to the island, and took him with them.Unfortunately for them, it was Spring.The entire time, Cameron was jumpy. On edge, as the humans said, eyes at the trees and sky, looking for something that wasn’t there.Goralpa started getting annoyed with him. “What is it, human? Why are you so agitated?”Cameron opened his mouth to speak, but his eyes widened and he let out a scream, and ducked, his hands going over his head.Goralpa was confused, until a bird slammed into him, knocking him over, clawing at his tentacles.He shook and head and stood up. “What was that?”“That was a Kookaburra,” Cameron said. “It’s Spring; Swooping season.”

absolutelynothingitellyou

Let’s just go back to moose for 30 seconds,The newest crew assembled and decided to revisit some earlier explored routes, what with all their upgraded armour and weaponary it must be easier now then before, right?They Decides perhaps travelling in a more primitive and bulky earthling transport device would scare the fauna less. So they follow their native guide as they operate the elementary level technology and keep insisting, “we’ll get north faster and see less bears!” You can imagine how the rest of the, weary at first, crew was quick to agree. Until the saw the feared creature #5132 again, but the guide just sped up. In an effort to remain calm the captain looked at the guide and said,“You’ve survived well past your estimated colonies life line before we had to step in, I’m assuming you’re about to show us how your bulky eyesore of a transport vehicle was designed to help your survival?”But the guide only looked over, the meters reaching close to the 90th measurement of what humans used, and grinned with a mad look,“Duck.”With an enormous impact of force, every invader died instantly as the moose rolled and took the top of the car clean off and the driver, survived only by slipping to foot space. He slowly climbed out and looked around at the peaceful wildlife that had grown back in the absence of all conscious creatures.“ I’m free? I’m free!”*Cut Scene to the invaders main base ship*“Prisioner 72-C has defected, with such a harsh environment we’d never expect it to live, however we fear this is the 8th escaped prisioner in this area, all seem to stem from group C, which group U and group A prisioners have stated come from a land called "Canada.” Although both guides stated they didn’t ever believe it was a real place in their time, we are forced now to believe that they are even more real, deadly, and adapted to using the fauna for their advantage than most groups due to their overabundance of unclaimed space and fauna that has thusly moved into it.“

birvan

“Are you really sure this creature is not dangerous?”

The aliens eyed the weird looking animal the human was holding in its hands like it was a deadly weapon.

So far this damn planet had been one huge death trap at every corner. How humans had managed to not only survive but even thrive in such a dangerous place was beyond logic.“Dude it’s just a regular toad. Do you think I would be holding it if it was the poisonous one?”The aliens immediately squirmed in unison at the mention of poison, but the human shrugged it off. By this point they were afraid of pretty much everything on Earth, so in order to keep them guessing and blur the lines which was safe and unsafe even more, some humans would handle some animals directly. Like in this case, where a confused toad miscalculated a jump and landed on top of one of the aliens, sending them all screaming like banshees. The human however just picked the poor animal up before they decided to blast it, before it had a chance to attack them again. “I swear, the worst it can do to you is just miss a jump and flop on you again before if runs away.”

Before anyone else could say or do anything, the toad inflated its vocal pouch in an attempt to do an intimidating croak and get the human to release it, since struggling wasn’t working.

Rather than be scared by this new feature the squad leader approached in fascination. “Wow, I didn’t know there were creatures here who possess a hoinn glan….”At that very exact moment the toad’s tongue flew out and hit the alien nearly in the eye. But the speed and sticky saliva were more than enough to make it scream so loud, it was like the alien had been hit with acid instead.

The rest of the squad was soon to follow in the panic, thinking their leader had been the next victim of Earth’s cruel wildlife.“Ups. Forgot to mention these guys also have a huge tongue they can shoot out without warning.” the human said in a not very sincere apologetic tone, while enjoying the chaos cause by a single amphibian

freudiandip

D’Zakari had actually grown used to the humans and their many domesticated “pets”. She was a strong, proud member of her species, not one to be intimidated by a couple “bears” or “skunks”. The wildlife, was, in her opinion, not more intimidating than the humans themselves.

Sure, humans ate poisons for fun and was able to walk for miles at a time, but their fleshy, small bodies could withstand almost nothing. A simple collision was enough to break their weak, inner plating, and their skin was soft enough to bruise at the smallest of impacts.Why did they not have plating or fangs when they lived in such a dangerous environment? Their planet could not be

that

dangerous if their species had not needed to evolve such things.

Yes, D’Zakari was sure that the soft humans were fooling them. Her teammates would have to be exaggerating as well. “Dogs”? “Horses”? She had seen these creatures with the humans, and they had done none of the terrifying things her squad had described.

The young female clacked her claws against the rock she sat on, staring at the forest-line a few meters before her. Her antennas waved lazily in the air.

“What is it really about?” she said loudly, shifting and squinting at the tree-line,”Are they trying to get rid of us by scaring us with the creatures?”

Well, that is logical

, she thought and tore her eyes from the forest.

Maybe that’s all they’re

D’Zakari froze when she saw the tiny creature on the ground. It looked soft, with brown fur and beady, black eyes. It had “puppy paws” as the humans called it, blunt, yellowed teeth and a sort-of plated backside. She had not been briefed about this creature before, but it surely looked harmless enough. Maybe she had discovered a new species? D’Zakari smirked down at the creature. If she caught this… Thing… and brought it back to her superiors to study, surely she would be rewarded!

She quickly reached out and grabbed the alien creature’s neck in a vice grip, wisely staying out of the way of it’s long teeth. For a few moments nothing happened, the creature slack and shocked in her claws. D’Zakari’s smirk grew larger as she lifted it to her face, her purple eyes glistening menacingly.

“See, I knew they were exaggerating! Probably just wanted to scare the newbie, huh? Look at you, you small, stupid little-”

She was interrupted by the creature’s tail hitting her facial-plates repeatedly as it hissed and shrieked. Shocked and injured, D’Zakari dropped the angered beast and watched as it hissed and ran into the grass behind her.

When she asked the captured humans in their base what it was, the humans only smiled.

“Yeah, beavers can give you one hell of a fight if you get to close to their dams. Their tails are pretty much made to flatten dirt and sticks into nature’s concrete.”

She blinked.

“Is that not the material you use for buildings?”

“Yeah”, one of the taller humans said, “It would’ve probably broken your face if you weren’t so armored. Their teeth are even worse; Can bite through wood.”

D’Zakari shuddered when she looked into the human’s amused, calm eyes. Perhaps she should listen to her superiors, after all.

absentmindedproff

The aliens were not going to back down. Not when they’ve already lost so much. Thanks to their fallen comrades, they now had vital information on the wildlife of this death planet and now knew how to conquer it.After capturing a human who was a “flueredien” they were able to gain information on the death trap known as the “evaerglaydes” and have found ways to combat the vicious “allegateor” and any other poisonous insects to be found.The commander suited up and took his squad into the murky undergrowth. So far their had been no big surprises. The “allegateor” was no match to their superior armor and any insects were no match to their variant to the human “insect repellent”.Continuing on, the commander noticed a long, thirty foot black hose. One of the newer recruits picked it up to investigate when all of a sudden the hose moved. A shout of alarm was all the warning they had before the hose bit the recruit and slowly started to swallow them whole. What was this?Running back to base, the commander was in shock. That was not in the information from the human captive. They had been betrayed.Once they were safe at the base, they immediately interrogated the human, intent to confront them over their treachery. Expecting the human to be scared or maybe repentant, the commander did not expect the human to bare its teeth in a sign of amusement and expel air from its lungs while making a sound associated with joy.“Dude, I told you about the pythons. You just didn’t listen.”The commander was getting even more angry. “You said that there were some ‘snaeyckes’ that were pets later released into the wild once they got a little big. There is no way that thing was a pet that got ‘a little’ big!”The human captive only shrugged

imababblekat

How many groons had it been? Five? Maybe eight? Hell, perhaps a full 30. All Hall’mig knew was that those left of his squadron were ready to pass out at any given moment. The Queen wanted so badly another planet to her collection, and this one with it’s pitiful natives known as humans seemed just right for easy pickings. Their technology was no where near as advance as theirs, so world domination should have technically happened in only a matter of time. However, turns out it was not the humans the Ka’gulta should have been so focused on. After landing in what was thought to be a very poor and easy area start the invasion, half of Hall’mig’s men had been slayin to these creatures of varying sizes. Some had horns sharper then his armour, others had the advantage of speed and agility to take them down. He recalls believing he and his soldiers had a moment of piece in the tall grass lands, only to realize to late that there were several eyes staring back, blended and hidden with the grasses light colors. Anything and everything chased them, and they ran and ran, either losing their equipment along with those who had been dragged away or stomped upon, or by simply dumping the things to lose extra weight. Oh but how he wished he had that quipemt now, as he and the other felt their black speckled skin burning under the sharp rays of this planets unbearable sun. Even the course sand they walked upon seemed to try and cook them alive, so unlike the sands of his planet.Just when he thought all was lost, a member atop a sand dune called out, pointing ahead with such hope that Hall’mig thought him to be hallucinating. And yet, by the gods, he was not. There in the distance, a body of water, not extremely large, but enough so that he’d at least be up to his shoulders in it. His torchered feet followed fast after the rest of his men a head of him, and he just could not believe their luck, it was just too good to be true. Almost…too good…Just like that, as his men sat drinking peacefully close to the shore or floating above the once still water, he witnessed something he’d only heard of the knights at home horrifyingly speak of. A dragon. But without wings. It was large, insanely so, and it was just the bumpy, ridges head that came crashing through the surface to bite down on an unspescting soldier. And in that duration of slowed down time, he’d witnessed other be dragged down or torn from the shore by several more of gastly monsters. Their eyes, pupils sharp like a knife, teeth yellow and varying in dangerous sizes. Their bodies massive beyond anything; plated with the hardest scales he’d ever seen. It all became to much for Hall’mig, and whether it was the combined effort of the terrorizing heat around him and the gruesome horror before him, he passed out.Hall’mig woke up a long time later, not sure how long, but long enough to have been found by the natives and securely locked in a cage. As he mulled over having been caught above having lost everyone he knew, the human guard who’d been watching him switched the screen on thing they called a tv. Once Hall’mig saw what was showing, he felt his two hearts rapidly race, a cold sweat forming along his body. It was one of those, one of those wingless water dragons that had taken away all hope. Except the only difference this time, was that it was in some sort of pin, and he watched with shaking claws as a human came stalking up behind the monstrous creature before suddenly pouncing and successfully holding it and it’s mouth down.With a tight throat and widened eyes, Hull’mig glanced at his human captor, wondering just how much they underestimated this planet and it’s life.

little-wandering-spirit

Tav'ran growled at the bold statement of his student. The young fellow was clearly ignorant of the War….no massacre amongst their species.“ Tango with these…octopi if you wish. I am sick and tired of losing troops to these mindless abominations. I officially quit.” The commander yanked off his cap and slammed it onto the head of Yanai.The older walked out of the room leaving the new commander to her charges. She turned her head towards the lower soldier. “ Send Marine Squad 601 and 702 to the Twilight Zone.”...Tav'ran said Octopi. Not Angler Fish. They had been led to a trap, lead each astray by the lights dangling from their heads. Once separated there was no way to connect once the pressure of the ocean began crushing them like a pancake.Luckily the aliens had escaped the sinking vessels and were hurriedly swimming to the surface before their gas tanks ran out. The Bastard fishes bit through the tubes as if it were cheese with their razor sharp teeth. Bears and leopards were supposed to have teeth. Not fish.

angeliclogan

Having been able to manufacture technology that is good enough to traverse other solar systems, the aliens are more than capable of travelling backwards through space-time.Somebody had the idea that perhaps it would be better to travel back to a time before the more dangerous species had evolved - which had caused some rolled eyes from the humans - so there is a team who were scheduled to return from the first trip backwards right about now.All of a sudden, there’s clattering from the portal room, sounds of bodies falling through the portal, accompanied by gunshots and screams of “turn it off!” The leaders exchange glances, side eyeing the humans sitting at the other end of the table who are hard pressed to hide their snickering.“What’s happening?”

“Nothing good, I can assure you,” one replies, “I’d turn that portal off if I were you, we wouldn’t want them to get through.”

They fumble to switch it off, then race to the portal room, to find the reconnaissance group on the floor, clutching their guns and sporting various injuries. Not to mention that multiple members of the party are missing.“I am never going back there again,” one mutters, flicking the safety off of their gun. “That was horrific.”

“What the hell is going on with this planet?” The leader shouts, gesturing towards where the portal had recently closed, and turning around to question the humans standing in the doorway.

“I mean, we

did

tell you it was a bad idea. Dinos aren’t to be messed with, man.”

ismeraldalove

Aliens having enough of these monsters in the current day an age decide to bring a human native that studied the past creature’s the said they were primitive but anything could be better than the honey badger several raivi'n ago using a time travel machine to take over the planet before all those dreaded creatures came to be the native saying its not a good idea but the commander completely sure of themselves not paying heed to them landing in giant marsh like swamp, the group spreading out to cover more ground when suddenly hearing loud hissing from what sounds like everywhere members of the group suddenly being eaten by a long slithering several times longer than a ship the remaining members of the crew making it to the machine,some shell shocked as to what it was the native responds “I said their primitive not safe and that was a titanboa your you didn’t go further back you would have met the ancestors of the Canadian goose and cassowary” the aliens fear ing even the idea of the cassowary predecessors

writingonjupiter

Nobody’s mentioned Texas yet, so here goes.Stri dropped onto the ground, exhausted. He put his hand up, and the rest of his soldiers fell to the ground. They all grabbed their water vessels and drank heavily from them.Stri was covered in sweat. His armor, designed to stop bullets and the occasional laser, was not designed for this climate. He grabbed his own water vessel and drank the rest of it. He put his eye up to the nozzle, disappointed.Their human captive laughed. Stri whipped his head around to face him. “What?” he demanded. The human bared his teeth. “This ain’t even that bad. Doesn’t it get hot where y'all live?”Stri was furious, but he had a point. “Yes, it gets hot. But this… this is something else.”“It’s called humidity, you heifer pies. It makes you feel hotter.”Stri cursed under his breath. He was not prepared for this. “Is there any water around?”“Well, you know those flat, green plants with spikes on them?”“Yes.” At least twenty of Stri’s hundred had already gotten those spines stuck in their feet.“You can cut those open. There’s some water in there.”Stri was fuming. “You mean we could have been drinking from those? Why didn’t you tell us, human?”He shrugged, still smiling. “You didn’t ask.”Stri sighed, picked himself up, and ordered his soldiers to harvest the cactus water.A few minutes later, while they were still collecting water, a soldier screamed and a gun fired.“What is it?” came the reply from their commander.“Sir, something bit Fisra. It looked like… well, you should come see.”Once Stri saw it, he knew they were in trouble. “Human! Get over here!”The human walked up beside them, and grinned when he saw the snake’s corpse. “That there’s a rattler. Venomous. One bite’ll kill ya.”Stri cursed again. “Is there anything that can stop the venom?”“Not ‘round here.”Another soldier screamed. Stri yelled to the other side of camp, “Is it another one?”“Sir, there’s at least twenty of them over here.”-Stri sighed as he undressed for bed. They had killed the “rattlers,” removed the cactus spines from their flesh and armor, and gotten the water they needed. The one soldier that had been bitten was airlifted to the nearest hospital, but they hadn’t been able to find the antivenom. He died soon after arriving.This netherworld that they called “Texas” was destroying his company and his sanity.He laid down on his cot and drifted off to sleep almost instantly.-Stri awoke in the night to - what do you know - more screams. After stumbling out of the tent, he jogged to where he thought he heard the noise.A nervous soldier reported, “Something killed three of our watchmen. We don’t know what it was, but it was yipping and yowling like crazy.”Stri muttered something under his breath. Another Texas monster. He shook the human awake and demanded that he tell them what it was and how to face it.“Coyotes,” he said. “Just shoot ‘em. They travel in packs, so you might have to shoot a few of ‘em to scare the rest off.”Stri relayed the orders to the night watchmen. The coyotes eventually came back, and the guards had to shoot three of them to get them to go away. Stri rubbed his eyes and wondered if he would be able to get any sleep here.-The sun peeked through the tent window, and Stri yawned and stood up beside his bed. He stood there for a minute, regaining his bearings. Something bit his toe.He yelped and stomped his foot, trying to get rid of the pain. Unfortunately, that only made them angrier. Down at his feet, now that he looked, was a large pile of dirt that he had crushed. Insects were now swarming out of it, crawling up his leg, and biting whatever flesh they could find.Stri yelled and cursed as he shook his whole body, trying to dislodge the ants. He hopped around the tent, looking quite comical, for several minutes before the ants stopped biting him.He stormed out of the tent and spoke to the guard outside of it. The guard looked down at his leader’s red-spotted legs as he heard the commander declare, “We are leaving.”

fudisi-space-spinster

I’ve seen this several times now and I have to add to it because I love it so much enjoy:

They’d all been assured that this terran island was non-dangerous. They had few large predators, the climate was temperate and mild, and was comparatively small compared to many of the “countries” they’d been to so far. Kowixx had trouble believing this however. So far, it had been proven time and again that to assume safety on Earth was a death sentence. Xer squad leader believed that this place was safe however, and that meant they had to follow. The leader had been fighting on Earth for two months now; for soldiers sent to this hell planet, two months practically made you a veteran.

Soon, however, Kowixx was proven right. They landed on the beaches first, after an hour of travelling over cold ocean; the only way that they could approach as their airborne ships couldn’t survive the colder temperatures in the Northern hemisphere, and it was supposedly “winter” this time of year. Kowixx could only dream of being back on their moderate, non-extreme planet, thousands of jur’wens away. From the second they started marching up the sand, which easily caved beneath their feet, tall, spindly human structures were rising out of the sea mist. A shudder going down xer spine, Kowixx was sure they were being watched. Even more so when a dull grey shape glided down from the sky and landed in front of the squad leader. Xe ordered a halt and the men stopped. It seemed non-dangerous at first. Grey and brown, a rather dull looking creature with ridiculous webbed feet and a dark beak. It moved closer to the squad leader, as if inspecting. The squad leader wasn’t going to take any chances. Xe pulled xer weapon from xer side and fired. The creature screeched, its noise ear-piercing, its wings flaring up at the sand beneath it melted.

Immediately, its cries were repeated a hundred fold from above, and more of the hideous things began diving out of the sky. Keeping their heads down, they all tried to run, Kowixx muttering a prayer for xer life. Vicious sharp beaks bit and tore at the soldiers skin, the large grey beasts dropped more and more out of the sky, almost invisible in the mist if not for their demonic screeching. Some of them even crashed straight into the soldiers, with their full body weight, thorn like claws ripping at armour and hideous squawking hurting their ears. One poor soldier collapsed in the sand and was immediately set upon by four of the great things, screaming with bloodlust.

Eventually they made it to safety, sheltering in a human building. They captured a lone human later, and asked it about these creatures. This island was supposed to be safe?! What were these new monsters? The human didn’t quite get it at first, and then realised. “Ah, a seagull. They probably thought you had food. When you shot at them you pissed them off.” The squad leader frowned “so, we should’ve fed it?!” The human laughed, an awful sound after that experience. “No, if you’d have fed it

they would never have left you alone

. You can’t win against seagulls. You just have to run and hope they don’t catch up to you first”. The squad leader demanded to know if there would be any more of these beasts. The human looked away from xer, and focused on Kowixx. Kowixx felt xer heart double take as it said coldly “seagulls are everywhere here.”

hornygold

If there was one thing that Baerhwan had learned about this hellhole of a planet, it’s that now matter how dangerous the thing directly in front of you looked, there was always something even worse somewhere else – and if you were really unlucky, “somewhere else” was five yards away and getting closer all the time. He still had nightmares about the killer bee incident. According to one of their human guides, honey bees were considered to be a symbol of cosy, rural domesticity; it was only later that Baerhwan had discovered that they killed more humans each year than any animal other than humans themselves.

It was for this reason that Baerhwan glanced at his superior with concern about xir mental well-being.

He could understand the admiral’s decisions. Naktok had seen almost a third of xir invasion force decimated by the local wildlife – more than in the entire war with the Lumati - and half of the survivors would be in psychiatric restructuring for the next several years. So the decision made five weeks ago to activate the Limsaq Protocol – something only done once before in the entire history of the Imperium – made a kind of vague sense. Nevertheless, Baerhwan had an uneasy feeling that the plan wouldn’t go smoothly.

The Limsaq Protocol was simplicity itself: a team would be sent back into the planet’s past, and would alter the biosphere to make it more amenable to the various species of the Imperium. It was rarely even considered, since the consequences were hard to predict. The only other planet this had been done to was Limsaq, which had originally been home to a particularly vicious, expansionist and xenophobic species, the Schloq, who had been threatening several Imperium colonies and two sourceworlds. A team had been sent back, and the Schloq (along with a few parasite species dependent upon them) had been wiped out, reversing the extinction of several hundred of Limsaq’s other species and ending the threat for good. It was a comparatively minor change to the planet’s biosphere, and had resulted in a wholly new, unpopulated and easily colonisable world.

Naktok’s plan went rather further. Xe hoped to wiped out this planet’s native life entirely, and replace it with species from other worlds – create a whole new biosphere from scratch. Unfortunately the process would take several tens of millions of years to work. Even with the use of temporal hop-pods, the logistical undertaking was immense.

Naktok believed xirself to be infallible and indestructible - a common flaw in xir species - and strode boldly and purposefully out of the hop-pod, ready to begin the process of destroying the local wildlife. But when, just a few seconds after exiting the temporal hop-pod, Naktok was bitten in two by a set of jaws that looked disturbingly like those of a crocodile, only much, much larger, Baerhwan was not as surprised as he might have been at an earlier time in his life. This was Earth, after all. Of course it had fifteen foot tall, forty foot long carnivorous reptiles with teeth longer than a human hand. What else could there possibly have been, a hundred million years in the past?

fireliter

They’d crash-landed in the middle of an immense temperate forest.According to their biomonitors, the impact had decimated 74.7% of the life onboard, and as the survivors crawled out of the smoking, splintered mess of the wreckage and breathed in the oppressive humidity of the summer air cut only by a light breeze that did precisely nothing to cool anyone or anything down, they were beginning to think the entire scouting mission was a mistake. “Cursed,” as one of their surviving human captives called it in their strange, cutting language…whatever that meant. Surely the sudden gust of solar wind that had knocked out their systems while their shields were down for maintenance was a simple fluke at best or bad planning at worst.Long-distance communications were unsalvageable, and they realised quickly that very were on their own until they missed their check-in window. They were ready to simply hunker down for the next three days in the remains of their ship and wait for rescue…until the humans complained of thirst.Which meant they’d have to find some water.Out

there

.Ordinarily, they’d simply ignore the humans and let them suffer, but these were priority mauve targets and were to be saved for transport to the home sector for assessment and re-education. They didn’t want to even

think

about what the Empire would do to them should they ignore said directive simply due to

fear

.So it was decided. A highly-trained squad of six plus two humans who seemed to be vaguely familiar with the terrain would venture into the wilderness while the rest huddled within several layers of Arkerian armoured hull and waited.By all indications, the forest was reasonably tame, though thick. They found no slavering beasts sprinting out of the underbrush to snack on their innards, and the squad wondered if the simple presence of humans was enough to ward them off. If these soft-bodied fools could inspire such fear in something that was at least 40% murder…well. It was best not dwelled upon.There was little evidence of human meddling in the area. A road, little more than a potholed gravel track with delusions of grandeur. Power lines running next to it that had definitely seen better decades. Some minor litter that seemed to be ubiquitous to any human presence.And then the sound of lapping water, gradually overtaking the breeze and rustling of treetops in volume.The squad scanned the area nervously as they broke through the treeline onto a pebbled beach, and the humans casually wandered to the edge of the lake, taking their shoes off to wade. A building with a weathered sign that proclaimed PEAWANUCK POND CANOE RENTALS leaned out over the water on mossy stilts only a few feet away, next to the road.CLOSED UNTIL FURTHER NOTICE DUE TO ALIEN INVASION, a smaller sun-faded sign in the window declared, shakily handwritten in blue permanent marker. At least someone had a sense of humour about the situation.The humans, having decided the water was clean enough, leaned down to sip and fill containers as the sun began to dip below the treeline. The breeze slowed and then died, leaving another sound in its wake, one which may have been there all along.It was quiet at first, not much louder than the crickets, and easy to dismiss. A low, ceaseless buzzing.“Ow! For fuck’s sake…”One of the humans, the…female? Slapped at her ankle, leaving a small bloody smear before taking a moment to tuck her pantlegs into her socks. When she did nothing more than grumble and continue, the squad let down their guard.Which, they found out in the next thirty seconds, was a big mistake.Millions upon millions of tiny specks erupted from the underbrush, darkening the air around the squad. The humans, wide-eyed, dove into the chilly lake, but it was too late for the invaders. They were surrounded, and their skin erupted in boils as they sent a frantic mayday to the crashed ship.

Several hours later, the two humans wandered back into the ship, dragging as much water as they could handle in a canoe behind them, covered in angry red bumps and

reeking

of something that burned alien eyes and scent receptors.When asked where the squad was, the female human handed off the squad’s ID chips, covered in something gelatinous, and said one word which would haunt every alien tasked with operations in or over the northern hemisphere for the rest of their days:“Blackflies.”

larkiaquail

You and Soldier 233 are walking along a ridge, pulling the guide’s cage along behind you. You have already explored it, finding nothing but harmless ‘lizards’. There are no threats walking this path. You grin, thinking you may have finally gotten some traction when you see a smile grace the prisoners face. You feel a chill go up your spine and look around; nothing.You are about to call out a warning to your friend when a scream-like sound echos around you, just before a mass of feathers and muscle falls from the very sky, grabbing your compatriot and dragging him into the sky, huge wings lifting it into the air. You stop in shock. How could something so huge suspend itself? You hear the human speak up in a sing-song tone. “Eagles!” You start to run back towards the base, but you hear a bone-chilling call from the skies behind you…

bro3233

“So you’re telling me,” the captive this time is young, yet despite the weakness of its frame it seems to have no end to its scathing remarks, “that your other chucklefucks were taken out by a

dinosaur?”

The captive seems to not understand the severity of this situation. The squad leader seems to only grow angrier.“We were told that these ‘museums’ could tell us much useful information on how to eliminate these beasts! Yet you led us right into a trap didn’t you…” he grows closer with his Gataka blade.“Look I don’t know what to tell you but the dinosaurs went extinct, like, millions of years ago. Where did you guys even go?!”“What do you mean extinct, how could those enormous creatures possibly been defeated?”The captive(girl?) shuffles and rolls her eyes. “I mean, we don’t actually know, some people say it was a volcano, some say it was an asteroid, some say the degree of the earths axis changed by like 1 so everything went to shit.”“How has this not been solved? Clearly you humans know nothing if these creatures are still guarding their territory.”“Look man I’m 17 I really don’t know what you expect. Also museums don’t have living dinosaurs?”“They obviously did, that’s why 3 of my soldiers are now dead.” The squad leader obviously wants to wants to punish her, perhaps execute as an example, but strict orders were to listen and not harm the guides. “This 'Jurassic Theme Park’ was obviously a trap!”The sudden deafening laughter was startling. The captive seems to find no end of amusement with the previous statement.“You’re telling me-” the choked gasps make her words garbled and near incoherent, “-that you guys went to a

theme park for Jurissac Park.”

“I don’t under-”“You guys were fucking taken out by

animatronic

goddamn dinosaurs?!?!? How? How did you do that, did you not read the 'don’t climb on me’ signs? The ones aimed at

year olds?”As it turns out humans not only bring dangerous beasts into their cities, but recreate theme for , for amusement. This conquering gets harder every cycle.

deepestcoffeehouse

At this point the aliens have all but given up except for one group that had evolved on a sun scorched planet. Deciding to explore the endless sand planes the humans called the desert the leader with a captive human stand at the brink of a small village.“I don’t know man the temp here can get pretty hot I’d turn back now” the human says“My people have evolved on a planet much hotter than this” the leader spat back at the human“OK well what about the wild life” the human asks“What are you talking about nothing in our data base says anything about any wildlife here its too hot surely nothing could survive here” the alien leader says confidently“OK dude if your sure about this” the captive human shrugsOne day into their journey and five of the twelve alien squad are dead.“How in the heck did these men die” Says the leader grabbing you by your shirt“Um well from the look of things I’d say two by rattle snake, one by buzzards, one scorpion and I’m not sure how the last one died” Said the humanWalking over to the alien that the human did not know how he died the medic said the cause of death was from panic. Asking what left of his squad the leader was in formed by a low ranking member the he can across a small fluffy animal with long back legs and ears.“Sounds like a rabbit” the human said“A what” asked the leader“A rabbit though that shouldn’t have killed him they are usually pray to most things but we mostly keep them as pets”Not wanting to meet one of these rabbits for fear of dying from panic from the sight of such a creture the leader commanded all remaining troupes to get back to the ship as fast as possible.Once they got back the leader did a head count. Out of the twelve he started with only five were left.

dzamieponders

I’d like to add the incredibly casual air some pet owners take with minor violent-looking reactions“Human! This beaked creature you claimed range has attempted a sonic assault on my squad!”“Huh? Oh yeah, cockatiels scream. They just do that; I’m pretty sure it’s a social thing for them. Some owners pick up the habit and start shouting back, fun for everyone except those in earshot.”“They just… do that?”“Yeah, dude, it’s inevitable. Own a cockatiel, hear them scream.”And“Yo hey miss alien dude, Cersei?”“Xirrrr'saaytxkyj. Why do you approach m- what in the allfather’s name happened to your appendage?”“Oh, I was going to handle Salazar and the silly noodle tried to eat my hand. Thought it was a mouse I guess. It’s washed and all, but I can’t find the bandages.”“Your snake… tried to eat you?”“Haha, yeah, stings like a motherfucker. The little derp tried to constrict my arm, too, but he’s like three feet long so I just unwound the bratty noodle.”“Is this normal? Pets that actively try to kill you?”“Thanks. And, eh. Somewhat common, at least enough that I know the procedure. Sal’s a dumb sweetie, though.”And of course“THAT FAKE-WOLF POUNCED AT YOU AND KNOCKED YOU DOWN!”“Haha, yep, she’s a happy husky! Who’s a good girl! You’s a good girl!”

nonbinarynerdbot

Throughout the years of exploration and investigation of the planet “Earth” the various alien scientist groups had seen a lot of things; Tigers, Dogs, Elephants, the dreaded Hippotomus, Emus, and Kangaroos. The water dwellers had even reported their own terrifying Earth creatures. But one creature kept popping up in the gossip. Something the humans would speak about in their harsh tongue, but never explain. It wasn’t until 2 years after Xochitl had arrived on Earth for her training that she understood

why

these

things

hadn’t been mentioned. Zey were walking from the main base out to the data collection units a few xzonds away from the base when something struck from the grass. Xochitl couldn’t see what it was, in fact zey couldn’t even find where zey were struck. Quickly they worked their way back to the base and summoned the medical crews. As standard procedure for any unidentifiable wounds from Earth creatures, the medical crew brought in one of the humans who was on the medical crew (something called a ‘doctor’) to examine the wound. The ‘doctor’ ran a test of sorts and looked up, smirking.“Wow, you must have stepped right on the nest,” He said, seeming to be impressed. “I’ve never heard of a bull snake bite where you didn’t get a warning first.” He straightened up and patted zeir brain bucket. “You’ll be fine, just wash it really well.”

“Halt!” The head of the medical crew demanded, “What is this ‘snack’ you speak of?”

The doctor chuckled, “

Snake

, and if I were you all, I’d make some sort of sensor for them. That kind isn’t venomous, but a lot of them are.” The medical crew looked panicked at each other before rushing off to find out more about these “snakes” and their “venom”.

ramblingsofagirlgeek

To begin with when they invade Australia, the aliens are told by all the prisoners of the danger of Drop Bears. It takes them far too long to realise that this is some sort of hazing ritual all non-Australians are treated to. Once they realise, they are lulled into a false sense of security, certain that these Australians are relying on lies because they have to real creatures that could be dangerous. One party soon realised how wrong they were.First their vehicle was destroyed after running over a small, seemingly harmless mammal the natives call a wombat. The humans had warned them not to run over it, but the aliens assumed this was just sentiment. Somehow, despite the amount of damage done to the underside of their vehicle, the wombat itself walked away. They take what they need from the vehicle and begin trekking back to the coast where their base is, the three human prisoners laughing at them. They are at least a three days walk from the encampment. The first night the prisoners do not sleep, presumably from stress. Humans give into their stress so easily. The next morning half the party are dead.“What happened?” The leader demands of the prisoner. “there was nothing around!”

“Sure there was,” One of them said casually. “Funnel Web, Red Back, Brown Snake, Red-Belly Snake.”

“What? Where? Do they have cloaking abilities?” The leader yelled in a panic.

“Nah mate, most of the deadlies are tiny. Though I’m surprised you guys are dead already. Not good with poison?”

Two days later, only the humans and the leader are alive. The humans manage to overpower him, but don’t kill him; instead they leave him with an ominous message about how nature will take care of him.He makes it within sight of the base. On the horizon he sees a large bird flying towards him, carrying something long in its talons. Not taking any risks, he raises his laser, and takes aim. He just misses but the bird becomes scared, dropping its prey as it flies away. The long ropelike thing is falling straight towards him. He sees a glint of red scales. Screams suddenly fill the air.

mababees

More and more scouting teams perished after unfortunate encounters with this planets wildlife, with the only survivors being the enslaved, and now free, guides. More and more humans escaped captivity as the years went on, rebuilding their own population, utilizing the cunning that led them to be at the top of the food chain back in their prime. Slowly, a respectable resistance rose up, first consisting of zookeepers, veterinarians, biologists, botanists, hunters, and pet owners. Humans forgot guns and bombs, and remembered the art of domestication and selective breeding.Humans befriended and bred animals to the extent that most native outposts came with their own specialized army of beasts (one particularly famous outpost was based in the southeast of what used to be the United States, and was protected by the largest murder of corvids ever documented. There were never survivors of these beasts, they remembered faces.)Wild animals were tamed and bred for loyalty, classic domesticated animals were bred for larger teeth, claws. Over the years that this war raged between alien and native, predators became companions; in much the same way as wolves became dogs, so too did bears and lions and moose become man’s best friends.Soon, the tides turned, and Humans began to send out hunting parties with large packs of bloodhounds to decimate the alien bases. Hunters would bring back trophies of alien skulls, and once it was known to be safe for their digestive systems, many hunting companions were given treats made of alien flesh. This made them ever more excited and hungry for their next hunt.Things grew ever worse when the alien scouting parties began to encounter wildlife infected with rabies. The few enslaved humans left refused to share treatment, feigned ignorance of the disease, and watched as the central nervous systems of their captors were torn asunder by a small squirrel bite.It had started as a small resistance, “conscripts” that had survived a leader’s death on this Death World, who had teamed up with similar small resistance pods of the native sapients. But they quickly learned one thing: the only thing scarier than the flora and fauna on this divinity-forsaken dirtball was TEAMING UP with the easily-conquored humans.As the resistance grew, it became obvious that BEFRIENDING the humans was significantly more efficient, less painful (at least physically), and significantly more successful than merely trying to extract the truth from them.Humans, apparently as a result of surviving their own native Death World, were cunning in distinguishing between “truthful” and “useful.” And were infinitely more likely to provide the latter when NOT being used as slaves.“It’s kinda like what we realized cats did,” Squad Third Joe offered when Squad Leader Hhak’kaput made this observation aloud.“Cats?” Quickly reviewing their memory of Earth-fauna, Hhak’kaput realized this referred to the group of small to medium mammalian carnivorous species found on most of the major landmasses, the larger ones universally deadly.They made sounds of confusion at this, unable to see the link, and Joe rolled his eyes (an ultimate sign of contempt, “You are so ineffective I can safely stop placing you in direct visual observation.”).“The little ones. Domesticated. That we use as pets.”Aware that even the smaller “cats” were as effective hunters against similarly-sized prey and the general humor-producing physical weakness of humans, the thought that these would be willingly let alone safely kept within domeciles was horrifying.At least the “domesticated” wolves were pack animals. Cats, to Hhak’kaput’s (admitably limited) knowledge were solitary.Joe made a noise of friendly amusement at this reaction. “Yeah, from what I read they apparently domesticated themselves.”Hhak’kaput attempted to process this. At their silence, Joe continued.“It started when we began farming. All that grain - attracted rats. Vermin. The kinds of things cats already hunted. So, if rats were around our farms, cats were, too.”Hhak’kaput was stunned - and humans has SURVIVED this stage of their development?“But we thought the cats were cute.”Hhak’akput’s dumbfoundment turned back into horror.Joe shrugged (“I am uncertain, so I am re-establishing the stance of my shoulders and arms.”) “They look like babies, all big eyes and soft fur.”Hhak’akput had seen human babies; they did NOT agree with this statement, but was this converstation not just reinforcement of human insanity?“Anyway, the early farmers like cats being around because they ate the rats, and since they thought cats were cute they didn’t try to scare them off as long as they didn’t hurt anybody.”This line of reasoning began making sense: if a cat learned that not attacking humans meant access to a desired appropriately-sized food source, then they would be less likely to attack a non-threatening human.“Then they figured out human huts were warm, and that the humans would GIVE them food if they acted cute around them.”AND there went comprehension of Earth-based behavior.“Are you truly serious, Squad Third Joe?”“Apparently. It’s what I read. Humans thought cats were cute, so the cutest cats got to stay where it was safe and they got fed. So their kittens were more likely to be cute, and like being around humans. And since they were cute and useful, farmers that KEPT cats were more likely to have kids that would keep cats, and we kinda - domesticated each other.”“But… Cats are not sapient. Even at this century they do not possess the intelligence to achieve this.” Humans were the only confirmed land based sapient animals on the planet.Joe shrugged again. “Tell that to a cat owner.”

longliveguz

The aliens eventually make a new try on Africa, the night comes and the motion sensors start beeping.“What is that?” Asked their leader with rage.“Humans, sir; we are surrounded by humans”“Humans?” the alien can’t believe it. “How do you know they are humans?”

“Because they are laughing, sir” after checking the sensors he adds: “they are over 15 humans around us”

The leader smiles thinking they will beat the humans in no time as the laughter increases.Next morning the survivors ask the human on their ship about the fucking laughting wild african dog >:(

breakeven2007

At the end of the Earth day (you still don’t understand these metaphors, is this right?), nothing becomes more terrifying than the simple weather. You hear of a consul in what the humans call Russia died of starvation…because their troops and equipment were not ready for such intense rain that the ground turned to soup and then froze not a few months later. Before once again turning to mud.When your native guide, a human from what they call the ‘United States’, hears of the tragedy, all they say is, “In Soviet Russia, country fight for you.” It sounds like nonsense, but one of their companions in the adjacent cell has what you would hazard to call some kind of seizure. Your consul has taken up a rather barren area of land in the middle of ‘North America’ that your guide had called ‘Oklahoma’ with a weird kind of facial expression. You are unsure what that means, but go about your business as per protocol. It is a decent amount of rai’kor before anyone notices what is wrong.The human smiles, a baring of the teeth, and spits. “Maybe fifteen minutes now.”You have never seen a sky that color before, nor a cloud that oddly shaped. By the time an evacuation is called, it is too late to escape.It is hell. You are left in the rubble with the native guide free and contemplative standing next to you.“That couldn’t’ve been more than an EF3,” they say. “I’ve seen bigger swirlies in my toilet.”

This is the first, but certainly not the last time you are afraid of the humans.

serpents-em6race

Every single nook and cranny of this horrible planet seemed to house new horrors. The dense jungles the humans called “rainforests” were the worst. Regardless of the planetary rotation relative to the system’s single star, there was always some new hellish beast ready to defend its territory with new and terrifying biological weapons. Many units outright refused to enter them, and with good reason. Most did not return, and those who did were so physically or psychology damaged they had to be retired.Va'ghn was grateful at first to be leading a unit on the other side of the planet from what the humans called the “Amazon” - a name that had become synonymous with death. The heat along the planet’s equator was nigh unbearable, but at least there were few trees for predators to lie in wait to ambush xir squad. Wary of even the most innocuous of beasts by now, the Imperial squadron balked at the sight of a great horned beast rippling with muscles.“Water buffalo,” their unwilling human guide explained. “This one is dead.”“Dead?” Va'ghn repeated incredulously. “The creature still stands and moves! How can it be dead?”“She will be dead. She is wounded and separated from her herd. It is only a matter of time until she collapses.” The human indicated by directing a single upper extremity first towards a bloody, festering gash on the beast’s leg, and then to a nearby stone.“G'bluidth,” Va'ghn cursed softly as a new creature took shape seemingly before xir very oculi. Camouflaged by the color of its skin and the dirt that lightly coated it, a long, thin, clawed beast appeared. It stood as still as a broken Imperial statue - watching and waiting. The human too stood still, save for its oculi swivelling about disgustingly in its head.“It’s okay, they are dead!” came a call from Va'ghn’s left. A member of the squadron stood next to another of the long, clawed beasts that had remained hidden from view until now. “No, don’t!” Va'ghn cried out in panic, but it was too late.The hapless rookie moved to kick the motionless predator in a show of confidence. Faster than the oculi could track, the beast turned and lashed out with a vicious hiss that instilled fear into the squadron at a primal level few of them had felt before, least of all the rookie whose leg was intercepted by those lightning fast jaws. The soldier collapsed, vocalizing the pain like a grub while the others dragged xer back away from xer attacker. Thankfully the beast did not pursue.Even just a few Earth rotations ago, Va'ghn would have been disgusted by the soldier’s lack of restraint in coping with the wound, but nothing was to be assumed about this planet. Despite the small lacerations, the bite seemed to be causing immeasurable pain. “I’m on fire! I’m on fire!!!” The soldier cried out repeatedly.While xir troops tended to the wound, Va'ghn pulled the human aside. “What is this?!” xi demanded. The human, a rather rebellious one, gave a cruel grin. The answer chilled Va'ghn’s biofluid, despite the intense heat. Xir oculi went wide with fear. That name… It was supposed to be a legend. A myth. A story told to frighten human children into compliance. It couldn’t be real!“We have to leave. NOW!” xi commanded.“But this wound is superficial, and we have only just arrived! We cannot abandon our imperial duty!” one of the soldiers protested.Va'ghn shook xir head, a habit involuntarily acquired from the humans. Xi whispered a word. Just one word - softly, as if the name alone may call down more of the beasts to feast upon them. A word instilled with fear that froze the others in place.“Dragons.”

hollowfacade

From: Office of the Supreme Invader, Nak'i'shan

To: High CommandI am tending my resignation. I know that’s not really allowed, but I received a field promotion after my predecessors were slain by local wildlife. I doubt anyone expected the naturalist to end up in command in the first place. This planet baffled me for almost the entirety of our campaign, and I have recently come into new information that has weighted heavily upon the lower of my hearts. I’m sure you’re aware of the events thus far from the reports you’ve received. When the chain of command left me in charge, I first considered wiping out the population and leaving. To ensure total destruction I spoke with the most learned humans. I considered our usual policy, of orbital bombardment and radioactive salts, but was informed one of the local’s failed atomic reactors is inhabited by a fungus that thrives in radiation.

I next considered using our ships to collide an asteroid with the surface. I then discovered this already happened many millions of orbits in the past. This lead me to learn of what the humans call extinction events. This planet has survived many. I now understand, this is a planet of survivors. More destruction would only make them a problem for the space faring peoples of the distant future.

In desperation I began examining the local genetics in preparation for the release of our most horrific weapon, the Duon'shik plague.

Imagine, to my horror, when I realized the pathogens that caused the Duon'shik holocaust were not created in a lab by some omnicidal maniac, as we all thought, but evolved on this planet. Someone must have collected samples from this place and unwittingly released them on Duon’shik by accident. Everything on this planet would be held in secure orbital containment over a barren world if it was being studied.

The locals named their wet planet ‘dirt’. It is so unassuming a name, don’t you think? You wouldn’t expect it to harbor the most deadly creatures in existence.

The true horror of my discovery, however, was that the locals call the most deadly virus of the Duon'shik holocaust ‘The Common Cold’. They consider it a minor inconvenience. Only their weakest members are slain by it. What’s worse, they claim there are over 200 varieties of it on their planet. The lessons learned of protection from biological warfare from Duon'shik are the only reason our forces didn’t die within days and weeks of planetfall.

I next considered retreat. I conferred with the local biologists first, to try and prevent another tragedy like Duon'shik. I learned we are all now covered in the local microbes, and creatures they call ‘mites’. They live on the skin and in the follicles of every human. They call them harmless, but I’m concerned. This planet contains the most tenacious life ever encountered, and there is no way to remove it from our bodies without killing the host.

My last act of my office is to create a quarantine code higher than the Duon'shik exclusion. Any ships attempting to approach or leave Earth will be fired upon. I’ve made peace with the locals, and hope their knowledge of disease treatment will keep my forces alive long enough that we can coexist. I know some minds might consider the possibility of an even deadlier plague than those now inhabiting Duon'shik and think only of what profits could be made, so I intend to ignore all transmissions. There are no friendly ship codes. Nothing must ever escape this planet ever again. Terrified, Nak'i'shan, Naturalist and Supreme Invader. SPECIAL SHOUT OUTS

spectral-honey

This was amazing, astounding. A pleasure to read.(A few brief ideas-why nobody talked about spiders? I mean. “The humans are terribly frightened by these tiny things, some no bigger than the tip of a human finger? They apparently are ‘creepy’ enough to make most people fear them, there’s even a medically diagnosed 'phobia’ of them?” And then some idiot gets bitten by one and they crush it immediately after and everyone’s like “if this is all it is then what’s everybody so scared of” surprise the next day the bitten person is in immense pain and dies in like a few hours. And then a human tells them in certain places some spiders grow large enough to eat birds.Also. Stupid alien attacks a home of somebody with dogs and is mauled because “humans learned to domesticate dangerous animals until they were often unwaveringly loyal to them”. Good dog.Also also aliens meeting huge animal lovers? Or like surfers? “Sharks? my cousin nearly lost an arm to a shark, the dude got mistaken for a sea turtle, but don’t worry he’s cool now and the shark only bit him the one time.” Or like just people generally yelling about how great animals are, calling deadly things about animals cute,, “DUDE SNAKES ARE SO COOL!” “Snakes… that is… the ones that can be extremely venomous or so large they can crush you to death, correct?” “Yeah, dude, they’re so strong it’s so cool, like, my parents bought me these two when I was a kid-” “you let those into your home willingly?!” Or even meme people just bein so casual about deadly animals and creating friendly names for them, and even laughing at them or admiring animals ability to killAlso just. Mountain goats. How do they climb up that slope. How did they do that.)

grimm-fairy

Somebody do sharks or sea creatures next. Giant squids would wreak havoc on their ships.

hedgiwithapen

rebloging because Hamsters are the most demonic critter on the planet for real.

also, hummingbirds. Humming birds will attack /owls/

fenixfoxtrot510

I’m not much of a science fiction fan but, this is beautiful.

drunkoncaffeineanddepression

Please give me more I’m begging you all. weasowl: (the other one of these i wrote, with the intention of continuing a narrative that bound all the previous additions together, which is why I tried to include identifying details and terminology from the above posts)

Admiral Tath’ulk slunk purposefully to the front of the presentation chamber, data quartz at the ready. Xe had a lot of information to cover, culminating in recent revelations concerning the true origin of this planet’s astounding biological diversity. That was going to be a delicate conclusion to present - xe was still having trouble believing it xerself.

“Thank you, Da’chitl, Commanders, and" deep genuflection, “Xor Divinity.”

Tath’ulk felt very small in xer divine presence. The presentation chamber, usually so spacious even in full attendance, could hardly contain xer Divinity’s bulk.

“Honored Geneomorphs, Brooders and Symbiots of the Assemblage, I have here the full report of our … conquest, of planet ‘

Dirt.’” A hisstle of amusement pheromones puffed from one side, and xer Divinity’s massive head swung across the chamber with frightening speed; xe was in full chem saturation this meeting.“YYEESS, Captain Yith’alal?” xer voice thundered, “The ‘Dirt’ Is Very Funny, Is It? We Have Lost A Full Third Of Our Invasion Force Trying To Subdue The ‘Dirt’ Planet - Are You Amused? Perhaps It Would Amuse US To See You Leave Your Administrative Duties And Take A Landing Party Down Yourself - Would This Be Humorous? No? Nothing To Hisstle At Suddenly? Good. We Are Also Not Amused By This ‘Dirt’… Do Continue, Admiral,” xe said, enormous face swiveling back to lock on Tath’ulk with all three eyes “Spare No Detail” Tath’ulk surreptitiously fanned nervous-scented chemicals away from xerself with xer vestial lower wings. “At once, xor Divinity, thank you. If the honored Assemblage would direct xor attention to my first image: This is creature type #5132, implicated in a wide range of deaths and destruction. In this next image,” there was a sharp puff of hastily fanned anxiety pheromones around the chamber “can be seen the size of the beast relative to a light-armored Xenkir surface transport. As the image sequence continues,” dismay wafted through the room, “those assembled can observe the damage sustained from high-speed contact with the creature. There were no survivors among this crew. Progressing,” smells changed to disbelief and outrage, “the beast can be seen moving away at speed. To the best estimation of witnesses, the creature was completely unharmed by this encounter, which, clearly, would have obliterated the most heavily armored Xoran trooper. This creature type 5132 is known to ‘Dirt’ natives as ‘Moose’, often given what may or may not be honorific titles such as ‘Fuckin’ or ‘Goddam’.” Here, Tath’ulk paused the image sequencing and raised one flay-hook appendage “I begin my report with creature 5132 in order that I may highlight one serious problem we have faced in securing information from our surviving human captives. Despite close questioning of several humans after the dreaded ‘hippo’ mission, we were completely without forewarning about this ‘moose’ creature. To study this, I arranged two groups of humans. One group was asked to list the 30 most dangerous creatures on Dirt. The second group was asked what number ‘moose’ would rank on a list of all of the planet’s most dangerous creatures. This second group yielded numbers from 8th to 500th, with most answers grouping around 20th. Imagine then, my surprise, Geneomorphs, Brooders and Symbiots, when I discovered that ‘moose’ had only made it to a SINGLE top 30 list from the first group! Curious I gathered a third group of humans and asked them the simple question of whether or not a ‘moose’ was deadly dangerous. The answers, honored Assemblage, ranged from disbelief that we might consider a ‘moose’ dangerous, to disbelief that we might NOT consider one deadly. My conclusion is that human beings themselves are so inured to the deadly nature of EVERYTHING on their planet that they are themselves unable to assess the horrors that live here. The following is my exploration into that phenomenon.” Admiral Tath’ulk slightly inflated xer hoiin gland and continued the image sequence “In this next image, we see a single naked human leaping into a Dirt ocean with a simple spear to slay a creature nearly the size of this council chamber…”

#aliens #aliens versus earth animals #humans are space orcs #space orc home planet #master post #aliens fail to conquer dirt #fiction #fiction collection

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