#Sorry for posting less I’m still brainrotting just as much now I just do it more frequently on Discord instead lol

[fumifooms]

Marcille & Chilchuck contrasts & similarities

Yesterday in the Dunmeshi Discord we talked about narrative foils and I ended up writing a lot about my fave duo so. Informal character analysis time. I give some in-depth interpretations on aspects of Chilchuck’s character near the end as well, not just analyzing their characters in how they contrast each other

Marcille and Chil are so foils to me. "Has experienced loss through death and now clings onto the people around her and is overly interested in engaging in social gossip" vs "has experienced loss through rejection and now refuses to open up to anyone until socially starved", both are responding to their experience with loss in fully different ways, socializing and trying to learn all she can for the short time she has with others but trying to keep digestible enough that she’s not too attached if she loses them, vs refusing to socialize so the problem stops before it begins but eventually unable to resist the pull that comes with being a social creature. Like I guess what I’m trying to say is that Marcille engaging with social gossip could be a shallow way for her to vicariously experience social relationships if she feels like forming deep bonds is unsafe. Family is a core motivation and value for them but in different ways. Both want to keep the status quo but in different ways.

Divorcee who avoids love wether it be in the people around him or thinking about his own (past?) romance vs hopeless romantic that idealizes love without herself having been in a relationship or even in love herself as far as we know. Middle child vs only child. Emotional constipation vs emotional intelligence. Streets savvy vs prestigious academic, field experience vs book smarts. Crass vs prim. Overbearingly social vs private to a fault. Never externalizes his feelings and to a degree represses them vs wears her heart on her sleeve and her feelings on her face. They start out underestimating each other in different ways, one by assuming his age and the other by undermining her skills, experience and willpower. Both seeing each other’s motives as somewhat skewed (money and research of shady magic respectively) but growing to respect them.

They also both seek approval and validation from others, unlike Senshi and even Laios who don’t seem to care about outside perception as much, Marcille worries early on that she’s not helpful enough and slowing the party down meanwhile Chilchuck is almost always trying to prove a point early on that he’s capable and mature. Coincidentally enough, Chilchuck’s approval was both the catalyst and the key to resolving her arc about it in the mandrake chapter, meanwhile besides Senshi Marcille is the one whose perception of Chilchuck gets the most changed over the course of the whole manga. Something else notable is how they deal differently with their races being judged, while Chilchuck reaffirms himself as a proud half-foot, Marcille hides her half-elf nature and is embarrassed of it when it’s revealed. Something subtle yet interesting is also how they both are shown to prefer lying in a way that makes them look bad rather than admitting ignorance on something. Chilchuck says that he cheated on his wife and that’s why she left rather than just saying that he doesn’t know why she did. Marcille in the mandrake chapter says that she has used a dog to harvest mandrakes (thus killing it) before while in truth she never has, and everyone including herself is like "That’s horrible… The poor dog!"

Their dad dies. Chil is like "Hm. Cool. Anyways he died doing smth he loved right so haha lemme drink myself into an early death bed too yolo 🔥🤟" vs "He died and it shattered my world and I must devote all my life to wiping death out of existence".

"I am going to knowingly shorten my lifestyle through unhealthy habits actually."

Problem solving approaches

One thing I love about them is how they have complete opposite approaches to problem solving. Besides striving for workers’ rights and job stability for halflings with an union, he’s very "laissez-faire". He won’t do the righteous thing just because it’s the right thing if he doesn’t have an incentive or a safety net, like going to save Falin. He doesn’t chase after his wife to talk it out and make amends, he gives her space and either hopes she’ll talk when she’s ready or figures that he shouldn’t try to do anything about it. He doesn’t mention the mimic he noticed to the others to not make a big deal out of it and hopefully it won’t come up again. He’s a "if the glass is half-full that’s fine enough for me, I don’t need things to be as good as they could be" type, a "leave it alone until it figures itself out" type.

Marcille? Marcille is idealistic and in-your-face. If there is an issue you better believe Marcille will address it and try her hardest to fix it, will talk it out and attempt to understand & strive to make things as best possible for everyone involved. She will FORCE you to talk about your FEELINGS wether you like it or NOT. Leaving it alone? Keeping things as just okay when they could be great instead? No no no no no, that’s not right, she’s going to try and fix it now. She will make you stand up and fight for the best that your life could be, to be honest when something bothers you and do something about it, will make you stop suppressing yourself because you’re scared of things getting worse.

Which, you know, both methods certainly have their pros and cons, but they’re very complimentary in that way. He grounds her into a more down to earth mindset and teaches by example that it’s okay if things don’t necessarily work out and moving on is possible and not necessarily miserable, while she encourages him to not give up so fast or stay quiet on things that bother so much. He soothes and she emboldens 🔥 Funny, because you could have thought it would’ve been the contrary, which is not untrue either, but he’s the "has experienced the harshness of life and has settled for something comfortable but modest" while she’s the "wants to make the world better and goes to great lengths to change it while still trying to find herself & uncomfortable with some aspects of life like loss".

One overly focuses on dealing with issues by changing things around her while the other overly focuses on only changing himself.

——

Chilchuck leaves things alone if he thinks they’re best left unaddressed or thinks they’ll work itself out. Like the mimic he didn’t tell the group about but it backfired later. Like how he didn’t chase after his wife or seemingly tried to contact her at all. Like how he prefers not to dig into people’s personal issues in parties and be left alone to deal with his stuff on his own as well.

Meanwhile Marcille is overbearingly in-your-face and loud and "if there’s a problem we’re dishing it out right here right now. Your wife left you?? And you didn’t try to get her back?? I am going to write out a script and a plan for you to apologize and please bring these piles of presents."

She’s secretive about her fair share of things as well but she’s very proactive. While she seeks to research something that’s a core motivation and life goal to her + save someone she deeply cares for Chil is there for his job and to get money and "hey if something happens I’ll have done my part. I took you guys here now you guys figure out the rest and fight the monsters or something". They both like to have a say in the strategy, Chilchuck moreso as time goes on, but Marcille involves herself much more into almost everything.

Espescially early on, they’re always sticking by each other judging Senshi & Laios together and being like "Am I seeing this shit right. They’re crazy right? Tell me I’m not the only one here with common sense" and forming a 🤝 relationship over it and considering that, it sometimes feel… Contradicting? How they also have a lot of conflict together over time about how different they truly are. But it’s interesting and nice to see how even though they do have arguments it always gets resolved pretty promptly, like they’re truly hashing it out as equals and then when that’s done they’re back to being on the same wavelength. The exception would be Marcille taking a long time to come around on Chil being old, but arguments and debates like the one on dark magic and if it’s okay or wrong to use it, which was pretty serious and not just banter? They came to find a middle ground or at least understanding, and it didn’t seem to lower the respect they hold for another afterwards.

Chilchuck’s repressing habit

I do think Chilchuck has a repressed thing where he doesn’t WANT to think about it about his feelings sometimes, like with his wife- and maybe with his father? But the way he was so casual and nonchalant about his father dying has always struck me. I’m not sure if this is a "my feelings on my father were mixed and complicated at best" thing or a "I just don’t want to spend time thinking about it" thing or something else, but it gives food for thought.

When it comes to alcohol there’s this saying where an alcoholic parent will have 2 kids and one will grow to be alcoholic too while the other will never even touch a drop of alcohol and both when asked why will say "I watched my father". Chilchuck is def the first I think. He gives the vibe of "An alcoholic parent puts a strain on familial relationships?? Pshh, my father was and look at me! I turned out great!" Which is something I’ve heard irl lol which always makes you go like 👀 yes indeed you’re perfectly well-adjusted and haven’t been affected by your father’s alcoholism at all it’s clear as day. On that topic, Chilchuck’s family, both currently and when he was a kid, are very interesting topics to theorize about with the hints and cues we have, how his wife truly felt and what happened for her to feel unappreciated enough to leave, how distant is he from his daughters if they haven’t seen each other in the same year either and Flertom was the only one to send him a letter? But that’s a topic for another day

Chilchuck probably has such a complex…. Of like not being… Like allowed to take space I guess? And he does wish to affirm that right, he takes space and asks for it so very overtly, he formed a half-foot guild to demand better working conditions as one of the biggest examples of that. He grew up poor and undermined but he knows that he’s capable and someone worthy of respect and demands it, and takes every opportunity to prove himself. But on the other end, he doesn’t seem to want to keep his hopes up in general, like asking for something to be better is bound to fail, that it’d be too good to be true. He tries to keep out of where his job doesn’t need him, from a sense of efficiency that cuts down on unnecessary stops but also because he just thinks it isn’t his place to do so. It strikes me that it’s hinted that like… He doesn’t even really consider the possibility of going to his wife and trying to mend the relationship. Like it’s either she’ll decide to take him back on her own or he’ll be left out in the cold waiting, never knowing just where he’s truly at with her and if things are over for good. Like… Shooting his shot and making his case doesn’t even register as an option? Like he’s not worth fighting for, like whatever he did wouldn’t change her opinion anyways?

He def has a "life isn’t like a fairytale where everything goes well" philosophy where sometimes it feels like he just gives up on how things maybe could be better, especially interpersonally. Maybe it’s why he focuses on simple joys like alcohol instead of trying to keep up with relationships which can be complex and very fickle, in his own words. Something like alcohol is predictable, always there to fall back on, safe, gives him sensations without other emotional/social risks attached. Ironic for someone whose job is all about risks, but understandable

He contradicts even himself… Bro yes you’re capable, yes you’re great, yes you matter, now maybe speak about your feelings maybe??? Or do you not think your emotional issues deserve to get fixed and have closure???? Are you so used to being dismissed, overlooked and undermined that you think no one will listen even if you speak up?? And this recontextualize his "I’m not even gonna try and talk this issue out because I know (assume) that it won’t solve anything anyways" approach, doesn’t it.

"I must break my party members’ stuff or lie to them because if I just tell them my opinion and my feelings that I don’t want them to die they won’t care anyways and keep going"

In a way everyone is the glue of the party in different ways, Laios giving the group a direction and a plan, Senshi keeping them fed and grounded, Marcille making everyone more social and encouraging bonds to form, and for Chilchuck he’s the one most focused on actually keeping everyone alive I think.

Conclusion

Idk I’m not gonna repeat every point but have this as a parting contrast:

Guy with shortest lifespan possible who doesn’t mind knowingly shortening his own with an unhealthy habit, here for a good time not a long time, VS girl with longest lifespan possible who wants to lengthen everyone’s life, who focuses on how long she can keep something or someone rather than how happy her time with it has made her already. They’re both loud in their own way, and both are still insecure despite appearances. In a way, both of them focus on taking care of others while overlooking their own demons.

[bluejutdae]

Dom han... him being your bff and like being all touchy with him,and him being a literal girlfriend for you till you realize he is more manly then you thought let him fuck my brains out pls💕...DOM HAN JISUNG BRAINROT FOR ME YALL

-🫶 a request from me perheaps?...😃❤️❤️

Sometimes I can’t let go of an idea, so here’s soft dom Ji. Very soft, but you know that think about writers not being in control of their stories? Yeah. That.

Happy belated birthday, love 🫶

Posting without much editing because I am very tired and I have a wedding to attend to tomorrow. Sorry for any mistakes.

You and Jisung have been dating for about a month, after an eternity of flirting. Despite all the dates, the movies spent cuddling and your hands constantly on him, you still haven’t had sex. You both agreed on waiting. It wasn’t a question of inexperience, but more of a mutual understanding that you wanted to build a solid relationship first.

Tonight is just another night in which you’ve been invited to watch a movie with all the members. You love seeing Jisung surrounded by his friends, he’s always particularly happy, completely in his element. He’s so calm and relaxed, you spent the last 30 minutes braiding his hair and playing with it.

Seungmin’s voice is louder than the tv’s when he says, “is he always this soft or is it just when he’s with her?” They all laugh and everyone adds his own comment on the matter. The only non-teasing one comes from Felix and you. You know your boyfriend is a soft boy, you never had a problem with that. Jisung grins, pulling you close and kissing the top of your head. “Don’t you wish to know?” he teases back and makes a show of sticking his tongue out to Seungmin. But when he turns back to look at you, there’s something in his eyes, something you haven’t seen before, that sends a shiver down your spine, and makes your pussy clench. What the fuck was that?

The rest of the night passes uneventfully, but you can’t shake the feeling that you awoke some beast or something. Something that was simmering just below the surface.

When the night ends and you both return to the quiet of your tiny apartment, the playful atmosphere from earlier seems to be just a distant memory. Your usual sweet and cute boyfriend is not looking at you with a new expression, with something you can only describe as lust.

“Do you think that, too?” He asks in a low voice.

“Think what?”

“What Seungmo said earlier, that I’m soft.” As he says that, he removes his rings, putting them in the pockets of his jeans.

You swallow, suddenly feeling very aware of the quiet of the night surrounding you, the only light really illuminating the room is the one from the streetlights, penetrating through your windows. “I mean- you are soft with me.”

“I am, am I?” He steps closer and he’s now just a few feet from you and you seem to be frozen, with your ass against the kitchen counter. “You know that’s not all there is about me. Right?”

“I mean-” there have been instances in which you think you saw something less soft and more… horny. But you thought it was just that: arousal. Yes, you decided to wait, but it doesn’t mean either of you ever wanted more. And just as some night ended with you with your hands inside your underwear, imagining your fingers were Jisung’s, you expect some of his ended in a similar way. “I don’t really know?”

The intensity of his gaze sends a thrill through you. He finally closes the distance and uses his fingers to tilt your chin up, forcing you to meet his eyes.

“Do you want to find out?”

Your nod is all that he needs before pulling you to him to kiss you. The kiss is a demanding one, nothing like the lighter kisses you are used to. His hands grips your waist, pulling you against him even more. When he pulls back (not without a complaining noise from you) his breath is warm against your ear. “I’ve been wanting so much to have you.”

You make it to your bedroom, mouth or hands never leaving the other’s skin, shedding clothes during the slow march. Contrary to so many other times you kissed him, there’s a certainty in his movements, a loud confidence that makes your skin hot and your pussy wet.

His hands slide up your sides, leaving a trail of goosebumps in their wake, and he guides you down on your bed. He follows you down, covers you with his body and kisses you again, softer this time. “You’re so fucking beautiful” he says on your lips, and then starts his slow and maddening way down your neck and towards your chest. His mouth, hot and wet against your skin, is perfect. Every now and then his teeth graze your skin, making you moan. When he finally reaches your tits you hold your breath, anticipating the wet hot sensation of his mouth, but he smirks and makes you wait, teasing you. “Is my baby impatient?” Before you can answer he takes your nipple into his mouth, lightly pinching the other between his fingers.

He gives your tits his whole attention, alternating between sucking and gently biting, pinching and massaging. After yet another request of speeding things up, he begins to move lower. His hands trace the lines of your waist and your hips, ending their descent on your thighs, gently spreading them apart. “Look at you. You look so good I could eat you alive.”

“Sungie.” He smirks again, one raised eyebrow pressing you to ask for what you want. But his mouth and hands made a mess of your brain, so you just beg again in the form of his name. He chuckles at your behavior. “Already such a mess? Be patient, my baby”

He lowers his face to nips at the soft flesh of your inner thigh, following with his tongue in lieu of an apology. When his mouth finally gets on your pussy and Jisung starts to eat you out like a starving man, you let out a loud moan and your hands grip the sheets as his tongue flicks out and presses on your clit.

He finds a rhythm and your pleasure builds and builds with every stroke of his tongue. You push his hair away from his eyes and his eyes are set on you. Anytime he sucks on your clit you let out a loud and filthy moan, so he keeps on doing it until you cum, one hand gripping the sheets and the other in his hair, pulling a little (a lot) making him moan around your most sensitive nerves. He keeps working his mouth through every aftershock until you are boneless, panting beneath him and blabbering nonsense.

He pulls back and travels his way back to your lips with his. The kiss tastes of you and him, and it’s heady. He chuckles when you compliment him, blushing like he didn’t just eat you out like a starving man. “Everything for my girl.”

The night is still young for you two, and as you get ready to repay the favor, you feel your love for him grow a little. Waiting for this was worth the wait.

His voice breaks through your thinking, stained with arousal and something else. “You’re mine, you know that?”

You nod, lips kissing his skin, getting close to his hard cock inch by inch. “Yeah. And you’re mine.”

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

I’m newer to tumblr but an Arcana Veteran so coming across your account is a blessing 😭 your hcs are really good and I look forward to your posts!! I had an idea that I never executed on my own and i thought I might as well share it, so here goes nothing 😋

How would the M6 react to MC changing something drastic about themselves?

To be more specific, say MC always had long hair, more of a coolheaded attitude, or were always quiet and polite. And then out of the blue they’re shutting everyone out, slowly erasing almost every trace of their presence and being off the radar for a few months.

The LIs are worried because not a single soul has seen them. And then they suddenly return, and it’s like a new person, but very obviously still themselves. Shorter hair or other physical differences, soft-spoken personality, etc. But they come back to the M6 regretfully, never saying what *did* happen.

Assuming what they had was some strive for change, depression, or something else, it may be hard to explain to their dearest, but they eventually will. All they want is to be home.

just a silly idea of mine ( ´ ▽ ` )ﾉ



The Arcana HCs: M6 when MC changes without them

~ thanks for the ask @vegaspng! Sorry it took me so long to get around to but here it is. I'm writing this to be similar to what it's like in the recovery stages of PTSD or chronic depression, because I live for that kind of bittersweet hope. To anyone experiencing ot hoping to experience this, best of luck! You're not alone! - brainrot ~

- a little backstory-

The Devil is defeated. Vesuvia is safe. And your loved ones are building a new life with you that promises to be better than anything you can remember. Which is why you have to leave.

You've learned so much about yourself, your past, even the body you have now, and you're not sure what to do with it yet. That aside, you took on responsibilities and accomplishments the likes of which no single person could reasonably hope to carry, and you pulled it off. You didn't have to do it alone either. But now that things are going back to normal, you're stuck drifting in your own brain because you have no idea what normal is supposed to be like.

Your beloved has been wonderful. They've shown more patience than you ever asked for, listening to you process for hours and doing their best to help. You've worked through who you were after being brought back from the dead, you've worked through who you became through your fight against the devil, but you still know nothing of who you started out as. Which means you're not sure who you're supposed to be now. And you don't want to build a new life without knowing who you're building it for.

So one fine morning, you pack a bag, arrange for your absence, and kiss your beloved goodbye with the promise to return.

The journey is difficult, but rewarding. You travel across realms both magical and human, collecting traces of your past and encountering moments of who you used to be. You don't recover all of your memories, but you get the important ones. You find out who you used to be. It's less than you thought, but it's more than you had, and it's enough to move forward. So you set your sights for home and return to Vesuvia.

Your loved one is overjoyed when you return. They have a little adjusting to do, you have some mannerisms you didn't used to and they can't predict your behavior in the same way. But they're quick to recognize that it's all still you. Slowly, they get to know all the pieces you're building yourself with and fall in love with each one. And as time goes on, you get to hear about the whole thing from their point of view as well. What was it like for them, when you left? And what does life look like now that you're back?

Julian

The hardest part of you leaving was trying not to take it as a rejection of his love for you

He knows in his head why you need to do this, hell, the reason he ended up in Vesuvia was because he needed his own journey of self discovery

He just has to fight off his own inner demons telling him that you're going to realize you're better off without him and not come back

Which, for someone who found the drive to keep his own life because it had you it, can be quite the struggle

And because he's actually quite intelligent, he recognizes that it's not good to stay dependent on you to be his sole purpose in life. That's not your responsibility to carry

So he keeps faith in your promise to return, and puts all of his energy into becoming a better man for you to come home to

He spends time with Portia, getting to know her as an adult and becoming the kind of brother she says she wants and not what he assumes she needs

He seeks out time with Nazali so he can continue his medical studies and get more mentoring

He reconnects with Nadia and puts his knowledge of public hygiene to use with her plans for Vesuvia

He even manages to build a healthy friendship with Asra (who also misses you) and resolve their past toxic situationship

It's not easy, but he wakes up every morning a little more ready to face the day

When you come home, he's over the moon. Nothing and nobody can replace the happiness you bring him

He notices your changes right away, but he's too relieved to know that you actually came back to focus on them

Once you're settled back in with him and it's more apparent, he has a raging battle of opinions in his head about whether he should ask you about it or wait

He ends up asking you extremely vague, open-ended questions just in case you want to talk about it, but not letting himself pry

As time passes, he gets to know more of who you are and you begin to tell him some of the things that happened on your trip

He's fascinated, asking questions whenever you're in the headspace to answer them and connecting dots with you

He's never had the zest for life that he does now. Every night that he goes to bed with you, he's already looking forward to what the next morning will bring

And the best part? So do you. The future has never so been so desirable as it is now

Asra

They completely understand where you are coming from. In fact, they were the one who suggested the trip

He didn't suggest you going by yourself though

In the end what they care about more than anything is your happiness and wellbeing. So they'll give you every piece of advice and connection and helpful item they have, and promise to watch the shop while you're gone

But oh, he misses you desperately

When they gave up half their heart, it was in the form of their ability to have connections with other people. You being in their life covers for that

The only person he had a strong connection with before you was Muriel. And when you died, he went into the darkest, most twisted headspace he'd ever been in and did things he couldn't later comprehend

Their decision to bring you back, and the way they did it, is something you two have talked about once or twice, but there isn't much else to do besides try to forgive them and make sure it doesn't happen again

But this time, you're not alone. Which means he isn't either

Every day for the next week, someone new drops by the shop at your request to check on them

First it's his parents. Then it's Nadia. Muriel. Julian. Portia. Selasi, the baker. Natiqa on her way through town. Even Lucio at one point, with an apology letter that took months to help him write

Every time they feel like packing up and taking off until you return, they remember their promise to stick it out for you

And slowly, he begins to stay for other people too. It doesn't hit him until one month in that for the first time in his life, he's a part of a community because he's wanted there and wants to be there, not because he's with you

You're still their anchor, but now they have ties apart from you that give them a semblance of home, family, and belonging

The moment you return he's dropping everything. He will maintain some form of physical contact with you for the next 48 hours

They're one of the only people who remembers you before the plague, and seeing glimpses of that in who you are now makes them so proud and happy for you

You don't have to tell him everything right away. Though he is going to apologize profusely for every time he left you for a long trip with nothing to do but watch the shop and wait for his return

For every piece and memory you're ready to talk about, they will give you their undivided attention and then lavish the new discovery with all the affection they have

Nadia

She's torn. On one hand, her greatest joy is providing for you, so seeing the way you have an unmet need and can't come to her to fix it is hard for her

On the other hand, she perfectly understands the need to get away from it all to find yourself

And she's perfectly aware of how dominant her personality can be. You having access to your own space is very important to her

So she'll make sure you have everything you need and offer every available resource to you, and let you go

It's hard at first. You had been the one to wake her from her sleep, you had been the one to bring back her faith in herself

So without you around, her old insecurities begin to resurface. She didn't grow up in Vesuvia. She wasn't even the active ruler until several months ago

There were literal demons serving as her courtiers and she didn't do anything about them until you called them out

How is she supposed to speak with confidence if she doesn't have you to back her up?

And that's when, slowly, people start to drop by, and she's finally ready to accept their support

First it's Portia. Then it's Asra. Even Muriel drops by briefly. Julian makes a couple of calls as well

And then, it's her sisters

First it's Natiqa, crashing her lonely dinners and making her laugh with her wisecracks

Then it's Nasmira, quietly sweet talking the more stubborn courtiers into compliance

One by one, and never more than two visitors in the palace at a time, each family member stops by, taking their cues from Nadia and being her backup

And little by little, every childhood memory that haunts her gains a new light

She still gets tired of them and feels stifled every now and then, but she doesn't feel alone any more

It soon becomes known that Vesuvia doesn't just have an incredible Countess, their Countess has an army of loving supporters

When you return, she takes the next few days off and trusts her support system to handle the city for a bit

She'll ask questions, but as soon as she senses hesitation she'll give you space

She sees all these new flashes of personality in you, and as much as her heart aches for your trials, it flutters as you become more yourself

She already knew you were a worthy companion, but as you share more and more she's left in awe of who you are

The world is not ready for the power couple you two are going to make

Muriel

He understood what you needed to do right away. Going on a trip in search of his roots was exactly what ended up saving him

And getting to know you in the process was a delightful bonus

But when he realizes you're going alone, he's undeniably hurt. He's not the type to be selfish, but you went with him on his journey. He was vulnerable with you and it brought you two together

So why don't you trust him the same way? Why won't you make space for him in your life the way he did for you?

It's tricky to answer, because he makes a fair point and because he's never asked you for anything like this before

You're eventually able to explain the difference, how your trip is about finding out who you are on your own terms, when everything you've gotten so far has been on somebody else's

It's still painful for him, but he'll agree and let you go. He's not afraid of being alone

Until, for the first time in his life, he gets bored and starts wondering if someone's going to come bother him

Which is completely new. He's never had that train of thought before in his life

The closest was when Asra stayed with him and he wouldn't know if they would be back late or not

But now the hut is almost too quiet. The bed is too big. The forest is too peaceful. The eggs are too bland

And so, after two weeks of trying and failing to fall into old habits, he goes into town, grumbling under his breath the whole way

The panic that Asra greets him with when he walks into your old shop is almost enough to make him turn around and leave

Muriel? In town? By himself? Without being summoned? The world must be ending!

When he's finally able to mumble something about just wanting to visit and pick up some spices, Asra shatters a teacup

He's never been the one to surprise them before. It's fun. He could get used to this

And so, visits to Vesuvia get more frequent. Usually to the shop. Often to the palace. Several times to the community theatre, without needing to hide in the rafters

He's so relieved when you get back. You can hold a conversation with other people much better than he can

He notices the changes immediately, but he doesn't address them at all. His only desire concerning you is to be your safe place

He's come to appreciate the beauty of human complexity, so seeing new layers like this in you is heartstopping

You never have to worry about opening up. If you do, he'll accept you. If you don't, he'll accept you. He just loves you for you

Portia

Not gonna lie, it triggered her a little

She knows how this goes. You get tired of your quaint little life, you go off on an adventure without her, and you leave her to rot where she can't reach or help you with letters full of empty apologies

The conversation you facilitate between her and Julian after that rant is one of the hardest things you've ever done, but it's worth it

After things have settled, she lets you leave and holds onto the hope that you'll be back

And while you're gone, she distracts herself with work. She's got boundless energy, she needs to put that to use so she can't think too much

And so begins the craziest three weeks of her life. From the moment she wakes up to the moment she falls asleep, she does nothing but work

Normally, you're her reason to take a break. You put her back in the main role of her own life so she can let her hair down and live the adventure she's destined for

But without you around, the only role she's used to playing is support. So that's what she does, to the point of completely forgetting about herself

It takes a burnout induced three day fever to make her pause. Especially when she begins to recover and sees the sheer number of worried faces in her cottage

Nadia's spending every free evening with her. Julian's sleeping over most nights. Mazelinka's covering the daytime with her mysteriously perfect soup and brandishing a wooden spoon to keep her in bed

It makes her realize two things. First, that while it looks different, she has her brother's tendency to take on the world's problems to avoid taking care of herself

And second, that you shouldn't have to be the solution to that

It's rough, but she learns self care. Not just an extra step in her skincare, but letting herself do something just for fun. Putting herself first

Learning to sit and do nothing without feeling guilty because nobody can make some kind of profit from it

When you get home though, it's like she can fully relax again. You give her an importance that she has to fight to hold onto otherwise

She has the hardest time giving you space. All the changes you've made are so exciting to her, she wants to hear all about your adventures and growth!

You'll have to tell her plainly that you're not ready to talk about it right away, and she'll be very understanding even if it's hard

Every time you open up, she'll hang on your every word. You two are the main characters in her story, and she can't wait for the plot to develop with you by her side

Lucio

He doesn't make it easy for you to leave

He doesn't mind you going on a trip! Trips are fun! And even when they're serious and scary, like what he had to do with you in the Arcana's realms, they're always better with a loved one!

So why are you trying to go without him? Who's going to protect you?!

And equally important, who's going to be with him?!

He's thoughtless sometimes, but he's not dumb. He knows he's a better man because of you

And he also knows that he's not perfect. Deep down under all that bluster and ego, he's still a kid who never learned to love

You helped him with that. You unraveled every tangled oopsie with him, you didn't flinch when you saw the worst of him, and then you picked up his forgotten heart and filled it up with love

So why else would you be leaving except because you finally realized that he's not worthy of you?

You're able to explain it to some extent. You need to go on a journey similar to his. Only you need to do this by yourself because it isn't about fixing oopsies, it's about finding out who you used to be

He'll let you go because it's what's best for you. And he believes you when you say you'll come back. But what he can't bring himself to tell you is how afraid he is that who you used to be won't be able to love him

When you kiss him goodbye, he resigns himself to it being the last he'll ever get

At first he sulks. He crashes people's parties and picks fights with every bandit he encounters

But when he has the option to get blackout drunk? Take all the goods from the bandits for himself on top of the bounty money?

He can't

You taught him the importance of taking responsibility for his actions. Well, you made him a good man. So you're going to have to take responsibility for that and give him the chance to prove himself worthy of you

Which he does. He wakes up early. He moderates his drinks. He does the jobs he finds. He saves the money he earns

When you get back and fling your arms around him, his knees buckle from relief

He can tell you've changed, but it's okay if you don't want to talk about it. He can tell you all the ways he's changed instead!

If you were worried about his reactions when you do open up, you quickly realize you don't have to be

He doesn't expect you to be perfect. All he wants is for you to be you, for you to be happy, and for him to be the one you choose to do that with

[fatuismooches]

SMOOCHES!!! Hii my cutie patootie!!! ໒꒰ྀི´ ˘ ` ꒱ྀིა

It’s been a while since I last sent something here and I’m so sorry about that!! I’m doing a lot better now (although I never got my test results back to see if I had that syndrome or not LOL) and I almost have the two new Fontaine regions 100% oopsies! But I have like serious brainrot (but school is so tiring I usually just nap the whole afternoon) anyways!! I listened to one of mitski’s songs called “Once More to See You” and ugh it honestly just reminded me of Dottore and fragile!reader. The beginning makes me think of how fragil!reader and Dottore (especially) having a reputation and being looked as “weird” or as students who don’t belong in the Akademiya. The rest of the song just reminds me of Dottore being alone once fragile!reader fell into their coma, and him longing to feel your hand against his. To have your warm touch, caress his cheek, kiss his lips, embrace him, and to say his name, “Zandik!” In that lovely tone of yours. ouuughh I love fragile!reader and Dottore so so much just Dottore having to wait so long for them to wake up. Like imagine having to wait hundreds of years for the only person who’s every shown you affection and love. The only person to hold you so lovingly, say your name with love and not disgust, or with horror.

And after waking up??? Oughhh I know I say this a bit frequently but Dottore would become so so protective and possessive. I mean, you’re the only thing he has left, and he almost lost you once. He won’t spare to almost lose you another time, especially after centuries went by without your warm touch, or your voice. He defff savors every moment you two have together when he’s available. And especially when he becomes so used to having you on his lap and him being able to feel your heartbeat. Sometimes he may unconsciously tighten his grip on you when he’s holding you.

okieokie I think that’s enough for today!! I hope you’ve been doing amazing smooches again I’m so sorry I’ve been away I always wanna brainrot but sometimes I think my ideas aren’t that great compared to anons (YOUR ANONS ARE SO AMAZING I LOVE READING EVERY POST, AND KAI’S WRITINGS <333 MWA MWA!!) But i hope you’re getting lots of rest and staying healthy!! A bunch of chu chus n hugs, n maybe a few cuddles ! hehe!!

-from your dear boo boo bear 🎐 anon! ౨ৎ

🎐 ANON MY BELOVED!!! Oh my gosh I'm so happy you're back and alright, I missed you, and I'm so happy to hear your health has gotten better ❤️ Congrats on your Fontaine exploration and omg i totally understand, take those naps if you need to 😭 I'm not much of a napping person but those few times that i do nap, feel so good lmao. Okay brainrot time~

WAH THANK YOU FOR INTRODUCING ME TO ANOTHER MITSKI SONG... omg i love this so much. Dottore was definitely ostracized and excluded in the Akademiya, everyone thought that he nor his crazy ideas belonged there. And you, I imagine your reputation start to get dragged through the mud the more you hang out with Dottore. They just don't understand. Why would you ever want to even sit in the same room as him, much less befriend him? You started to be labeled as the same things as him. You don't mind (most of the time, sometimes it still gets to you) because you think those people are just shallow compared to your friend. But Zandik himself doesn't understand you either? There's no way that his "friendship" (your words, not his) is worth the stress of all this. He doesn't understand, it's not like you're using him, if anything he's the one using you instead. Zandik doesn't understand... but he's not going to admit that the fact that you chose him over everyone else makes him feel a certain way. And that tingly feeling only grows and grows. And he refuses to acknowledge it... until you leave him and suddenly everything he's chosen to ignore hits him at once. Everything that Zandik's been trying so hard to deny, he admits to now. He misses you... he longs for your touch, your kindness, the way you treat him with such love, your voice... as horrible as this is, it really did open his eyes. Made him realize that living by himself again in the dorms is slowly making him even crazier without you. Made him realize that he's willing to do anything, and i mean anything, to get you back.

OH YEAH Dottore is extremely protective over you when you finally wake up. See, Dottore isn't really scared of someone else hurting you. He knows that he and his segments would never let that happen. Rather, he's scared of other things. Like your illness. Things he can't control. Dottore is a man who's used to being in control now, so when he can't predict things? When he can't see them coming? He doesn't like that. Not one bit, especially when it comes to you. He needs to know everything, otherwise, he won't be satisfied. He can't risk you being hurt again, not under his watch. You're very confused in the beginning because hello? This is the same guy who used to let you go out and do all these crazy tasks on his behalf? But yeah, he can't help but be very possessive. It's very Dottore like of him.

Thank you for the delicious brain rot 🎐 anon!! I enjoyed it tremendously :3 AND SHUSH YOUR BRAINROTS ARE AMAZING AND I LOVE THEM. But yuppp my anons and Kai have such yummy writing!! I am doing well, thank you :) just busy but I'm fine! Giving you lots of my hugs and kisses to you toooo <33

[whimsicalcotton]

Hey, I’m the anon who sent that ask a while ago about sharing the polluted marrow (tm) brainrot, and I’m currently doing my reread. I’ll share my thoughts on each chapter here since I’ve been meaning to post a review on my ao3 account anyways. Sorry if this gets a bit too long-winded/rambly or has typos!

For chapter 1, the opening line hits SO hard. Max is next to Chloe before she’s falling, this isn’t a case of her fingertips barely grazing and falling short. This is Max desperately grabbing a hold of her entire world and not being strong enough to keep her there. Which is WOW, what an analogy. Then, with her photographer’s eye, a snapshot of the moment is etched into her brain, the newest of a long list of failures. The line, “Max glares down at the waves, and prays that Chloe washes up somewhere far, far away from here” is so evocative. Even though she’ll reverse it in a few seconds, even though she won’t get to see it, even though it’ll mean less than nothing, Max still wishes Chloe gets out of Arcadia Bay in at least one timeline. 

When she starts limping back through Blackwell’s campus, the fact that no one truly reaches out to help her is really telling. This was the same school that (nearly) drove Kate to suicide and it shows. She’s bleeding from her face, is visibly injured, and no one takes action. It really speaks to how deteriorated Max’s mental state is that she acknowledges how messed up her everything is but all she focuses on is saving Rachel and everyone else. "Uhm, no the fuck you don't," from Rachel got a startled huff of amusement from me ngl because that’s such a genuine retort of equal parts confusion and rebuke. Max is so Focused on making a plan she forgets Rachel’s closest friend is Chloe and their reunion is pretty much the polar opposite of how either wanted it to go.

And the nightmare transition OH BOY. It’s small, but “You're almost more trouble than you're worth” “Almost” captures Jefferson’s sliminess perfectly. Even without knowing she has powers, Chloe still calls her Super Max, which must be a huge wake-up slap to the face. When Rachel intervenes during their hug, it gave me huge “You, Me, and Steve” vibes even though that was probably unintentional lol. Max keeping Chloe in a death grip (oof) as she pulls away is just D:. Chloe, taking in her childhood best friend, now bedraggled to an extreme degree, questioning how she ended up in such a state, barely holding it together. If she knew what Max thought, that “I hurt me. I brought this on myself. I deserve this”, I’m sure she would go on a rampage. The period between Chloe leaving the room and Joyce coming must’ve been around a few minutes, and Max manages to say two words, when in combination, paint a terrifying scene. Max agreeing to rest for the first time in subjective months only so she can “get back in fighting shape” makes me want to wring her neck like a rubber chicken because PLEASE let her sleep she deserves it :(((

POV switch to Rachel! The girl, the myth, the legend. Describing Chloe as “her big tough badass” is <3333. Y’know, I never thought about it, but hare is an appropriate animal for Max. I looked up the wiki article because I didn’t really know the difference between it and a rabbit, fun fact: “their young are able to fend for themselves shortly after birth”. If you use Max gaining powers as her metaphorical birth then yeah that tracks. Rachel only realizes how strange the whole situation is after she’s out of Max’s immense sobering gravity and back at the scene of the crime, so to speak. When she talks to Victoria and Kate, the line “She wouldn't stand a chance” about the latter leaves the unsaid as “against Jefferson/another predator looking to take advantage”. The various strangers accosting Rachel about Max’s appearance is another strike against Blackwell’s populace. Her recontextualization of her entire relationship with Jefferson as she leaves asap with rage stirring was great.

Chloe, oh Chloe. Her dream conversation with her father coming to the exact same conclusion as Rachel, that Max is a hare running away from something, is very interesting. Visuals of the storm peppered throughout are making me very Concerned. And Max writing letters filled with remorse for being a lackluster best friend is what Chloe wants! Or rather, what she wanted, but not at the cost of Max’s well being. Even after all those years apart, she still refers to Max as her best friend which ueueueueueue. The juxtaposition of Max witnessing Chloe dying and saving her while Chloe watches Max nearly bleed out and not being able to do very much is striking. Chloe coming to the misguided realization just as she was without Max, Max was without her, hurts. In contrast, her familiarity with Rachel allows her to step in when she’s doing something self-destructive. “If she tries hard enough, Chloe can almost pretend that everything is fine” which is such a mood honestly. The ending of the first chapter was such a doozy when I first read it, because I was really up at 3 am, squinting at my dim screen, bundled under a thick blanket on my bed, reenacting Zuko as he inspected a scroll wondering where the rest of the text was. Was an experience, loved it.

I’m sorry if this was way more summary than analysis, everything was awesome and makes me feel emotions in a way hard to articulate through text. I’ll try to send the ask for the next chapter faster if you want!! Thanks for writing :D

hello anon!! first off don't worry about being rambly bc i when i opened my inbox and saw this i turned into this gif of kermit

and also don't worry about being articulate bc after like twenty minutes of trying to come up with a nice proper response to this all i have is: !!!! sdfksjfhsksdfkhjk :0c ohhh my god thank you thank you <3 <3

[papiliotao]

luz de mi vida!! mi cielo!!

hi :D

i just had to write a letter about you too because the last one?? was so?? cute?? wholesome?? NICE??? it had me blushing so much because when i read it, first thing in the morning, i wasn’t expecting it at all and it was so AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA—

ahem

you’re literally so sweet, let’s put that out there first of all. you send me so many ideas and drabbles to me, especially the latter whenever i’m not feeling my best, and that means so much to me, rei. like you didn’t have to at all, and yet you did and i cherish each and every little thing you send my way. thank you so much.

also!! you’re so cute!! end of story!!

i felt like i mentioned this before but i always love waking up to one of you asks because from there on it makes my morning; it could be a love letter, just you checking in, a meme, and so on, and it always makes me smile like an idiot.

did i mention that you’re cute? no? well then, rei, you’re cute!!

i don’t even know what you’re talking about when you’re saying i’m the sunshine here - that’s you. you’re literally so warm and always nice to be around, you make me so happy as much as anyone else you talk to too. i always admired you for that, and i still pretty much do. you’re the one who’s a joy to be around, you’re the one who makes everyone else smile!

alright, how do i put this in words?

rei, thank you for making my time on here really precious to me. i was happy enough posting my works here and happy enough that it got the attention that it had, but talking to you made these last months even better!! always something to look forward to, at the very least, whenever i open up this app to draft an idea or reread some fics i liked. with every idea we shared, every greeting, it always made me feel a bit happier knowing that i have a moot like you. also hope that i get to send in more letters like these too! so i’m sorry if this a bit lacking right now; other than writing, putting my thoughts into words is harder than it is.

sincerely,

your beloved and awesome future spouse <3

p.s. you’re really cute

okay now that i’m alive again and feeling less loopy, i’m here to answer this :D

first of all, i’m glad you enjoyed the last letter!! that means i’ll need to send more heehee

also i LOVE sending drabbles to you!! for some reason, i actually feel motivated to write, and i’m just happy there’s something i can do to cheer you up. it’s funny because i never expected to care so much about anyone i met on tumblr dot com, but over the past few months, i’ve made a lot of cool friends, and you’re one of them <3

and janjfnff my asks make you smile aksnidjcn dissolving!!! disintegrating!!! disappearing!!! turning into dust!!! knowing that you enjoy talking to me honestly just made my whole day, and i’ll be sure to get better with sending/replying to asks sometime soon

ANYWAY NO UNO REVERSE CARD YOU’RE THE SUNSHINE AND I THINK YOU’RE 100% ABSOKUTEKY ADORAVLE AND WHOLESOME AND KIND AND SWEET AND CUTE AND AJNSJSJFJDNF

as for the last bit, i’m glad i can say that i feel the same way! i mentioned this before, but i really didn’t expect to actually become friends with anyone on tumblr, and i was very pleasantly surprised when i met you. you give the best responses to my asks (whether they’re brainrots, memes, or just me randomly dropping in to say hello), and i feel like i can speak my mind without seeming weird when i’m in your inbox hehe. i don’t really have many friends irl who are into fanfics (and even less that are into genshin fanfics), so it really means a lot to me that i can find people with similar interests here. i guess you make me feel understood in a weird way.

ALSO YOUR LETTER WAS NOT LACKING IN WRITING IT WAS AMAZING, AND PROBABLY ONE OF THE NICEST THINGS I’VE EVER READ ABOUT ME KSJDIDJFN

[seongminiz]

yess hehe i figured it’s not a full cb but maybe teasing it? i need to watch rtk soon but im bad at like finding time to do stuff that requires my attention span if u know what i mean🤕🤕

possessive bf minhee… hmmmmm.. i’m soooo unoriginal but thinking about sitting on his lap at like a frat party or smth.. thinking about maybe wearing a longer skirt and he can fit his arm underneath to tease u.. maybe even dipping his fingers inside ur cunt.. no one else is rly paying attention cuz they’re too busy drinking n chatting and committing their own acts of debauchery (??? idk if i used that word correctly)… kinda into edging rn so im thinking about him making u beg to cum but ur so torn cuz.. like it’s soo public🤭🤭 also throw in that maybe he saw u flirting with someone else or being flirted with.. like taeyoung or serim…

- 🧁 anon

aaaaaa sorry i fell asleep :3 i hope its not a cb too ngl , they need to rest n i hope if starship wants them to drop an album they'll wait a little after rtk .. at the same time tho , if they have a cb too late after rtk ends the hype will have died down already so idk what the best option is :( bc as much as i hate the fact they have to participate , rtk is bringing them a lot of new attention (see : the concept film having like 1 million views in just 4 days or something) n tbh same i decided i wont watch the full episodes , i'll just watch crvts parts on twt/yt 😭 i cant be bothered to keep up with it lmao

now , to the good part of this post („• ᴗ •„)

ur like genuinely insane in the most positive way possible bc ?!!??!!??? idc if its unoriginal (is it tho) idcccc this idea is so good :(( n he'd soooo do that bc someone has been flirting with u (lets say taeyoung bc . yea why not .)(im having a little taeyoung brainrot moment)(wait I DIDNT EVEN SEE THE LAST PART WHERE U SAID TAEYOUNG OR SERIM STOPPPP WHY R OUR BRAINCELLS CONNECTED) but u r either too clueless to realize n r treating it as a normal friendly interaction , or ur flirting back bc u know how minhee gets when hes jealous n the whole time minhee is just acting like hes fine with it (when hes actually just thinking how to get back at u for it) . after a while the party kinda dies down n theres less ppl n ur kinda just chilling while sitting on minhee's lap when he slips his hand under ur skirt , at first u dont rlly think abt it , hes just brushing his fingers along ur thigh, but then he starts touching along the hem of ur underwear. u r kind of alarmed bc even tho theres less ppl than earlier , u r still in public ?? but minhee doesn't rlly care - n maybe u dont care that much either , considering how the thought of getting caught (especially when taeyoung literally just sat down right beside you) is making u wet :3

(srry not that good im still kinda hungover oopsie)

[erenoir]

+.ﾟ✩ “only if for a night”

💿 now playing ! bags by clairo

genre ::: angst, best friends to lovers, emo pining, smut

warnings ::: 18+ content, discussions of drugs, two emo best friends in a room they might fuck, descriptions of injuries and blood, cunnilingus, scissoring, mdni

feat ::: drug dealer!mikasa x fem!reader

wc ::: 5.5k

summary ::: you hadn’t seen your best friend in years, loose ends left untied as she abruptly left your life without telling you why. you could’ve sworn she was dead… until one night brings you together under dangerous circumstances.

a/n: this is my first time writing wlw so i’ve been hesitant to post this : / but the mika brainrot has been so bad + the story just poured out of me i’m sorry if this is bad okay but yeah :3

tagging ! @bajikou @ryugamii @suyasgf @weenieslug @yuurrrrrrr @espritmuse x thank u guys ♡︎

“You owe me fucking money Ackerman-”

“Don’t be ridiculous… you know I have no control over who decides to break into my car and steal my stash, right?”

“Don’t get smart with me, I want my money by tomorrow night.”

“How do you expect me to get you 2k in less than 24 hours?”

“I don’t care how... figure it out.”

Your body was serene in the dead of night, the hum of your fan harmonizing with the storm raging outside of your bedroom had eventually lulled you into a deep sleep. Though you tossed and turned on occasion, there was very little that could jolt you awake, your body unconsciously snuggled deeper under the covers when you heard a creak sound off in the middle of your dream. You scrunch your nose up and squeeze your eyes shut to rid your mind of the disruptive noise.There it is again, you thought, your body slowly shifting out of its sunken state, as you turn to your other side to face your window, curtains blowing as the wind seeps through the glass cracked open.

The window was cracked open.

What was it doing open?

You could’ve sworn you closed it before you went to bed, you always did, you even lock it to be extra safe. So why had you forgotten to close it all of a sudden? The amount of true crime documentaries you consumed had prepared you for a moment like this… you never left your window open at night. The cool breeze makes your body go stiff, the crisp air shaking you out of your groggy state but also setting off the internal alarm within you. It made you realize that you in fact didn’t leave the window open… and so your heart stopped, your feet hitting the carpet as you gently swung your legs over the edge of the bed. Your hand trembled as you sluggishly extended it over your nightstand, taking hold of your phone and opening up the emergency contact prompt, the light from the screen illuminating the dark room. This was not how you expected to die.

“Don’t.”

No… this was when your heart stopped. You opened your mouth to scream but nothing came out, what was supposed to be blood-curdling emerged a choked whisper. There wasn’t much more to do but sit still and let your thumb hover over your screen, though you couldn’t see the keypad to dial 911 through the wall of tears that blocked your vision anyway.

“Please… just take whatever you want… don’t hurt me, I'm begging you,” you pleaded the intruder, the pounding in your chest becoming unbearable as you listened to the heavy footsteps round the corner of your bed. You didn’t dare look up at them, only making out the silhouette of their black boots in the moonlight.

“I won’t hurt you as long as you don’t give me a reason to,” they responded, it almost sounded as if they were masking their voice, speaking in an octave lower than they normally do, and for a second it almost felt familiar to you. This intruder didn’t have an aura filled with malice, no ill-intent for you, it was evident to you, you weren’t sure how you knew but you just did. But you still shook, your stomach still crawled and your heart was still on the verge of combusting. You held your breath, not even wanting to breathe too loud for that could be the reason you give them to hurt you.

“Just tell me where the jewelry box is,” that was the intruders mistake. They didn’t ask you for your wallet, the keys to your car or your laptop that sat on the desk mere feet away from you. They asked for a jewelry box… and not a jewelry box, the jewelry box. They knew you had a jewelry box… the one you've had since you were a kid, the one that held a ballerina on a spring captive, only freed to pirouette in circles when you wanted access to your accessories. Thousands of dollars worth of jewelry laid in that box and this intruder knew that.

That’s when you dared to look at them… to trail your eyes up their body, starting at those black boots that did look familiar after all. Then your gaze traced up their legs, clad with ripped tights… then to their torso, baggy shirt slick to their stomach with rainwater. Then you saw their face… her face, even in the dark her steel grey eyes glared into you the way they always had… and you couldn’t believe she was standing there.

“Mikasa? What are you-”

“I’m not doing this, just tell me where you put your jewelry box,” she crossed her arms across her chest, her body shaking as the air nipped at her wet body. You hadn’t seen Mikasa in years, let alone talked to her, she went radio silent and cut you off, for reasons unbeknownst to you. You used to be so close, until things went sour. You could see her growing more and more distant after the sudden death of her parents, an eighteen year old left to fend for herself and you offered her everything… a place to stay until she got back on her feet, you were prepared to give her some shifts at your part-time job but she turned it all down and left. The two of you were inseparable, neither of you could envision a life without the other, two halves of a fiery whole… you could’ve sworn you fell in love with her. How could you not? No one knew more about you than she did, and she took all of your secrets, your late nights together, your most vulnerable moments and she vanished. You were so fucking mad…

“Where did you go?” You whispered, feeling the tears coming back to you but shit how you hated to cry for her.

“I said I’m not doing-”

“I don’t care that you’re not doing this… whatever this is. You left Mikasa… no actually you fucking vanished… not a word from you for years- do you know how many messages I left? How many people I called just to get the slightest idea of where the fuck my best friend could’ve gone? I thought you were fucking dead and do you care? You’re in my room… in the middle of the night asking for something I haven’t seen in years. I think you need to fuck off-”

Your legs carried you straight to the source of years of aching anxiety, you had no emotional strength left but you pushed with everything left in you. You grabbed her soggy shirt in your hands and shook her but she never broke, her face remained still but you swore you saw the slightest hint of guilt in her eyes. When you pulled your hands away they were slick in a dark liquid, and as you held them up to the window to be illuminated by the night sky you realized that the liquid was crimson… and it had come from Mikasa’s stomach.

“W-what happened Mikasa?” It broke the raven-haired girl to see her best friend like this. It was never her intention to wake you, she wanted to take what she needed and leave. Even after three years of not being in your room she still remembered where you kept your jewelry box, tucked away in the top shelf of your closet, but when her hands dusted over the surface it wasn’t there. But because Mikasa forgot where the creaky floorboards were, a few wrong steps lead her straight to a disgruntled you, half-awake in what used to be one of her t-shirts. It was never her intention for you to see her like this and she never wanted to drag you into her bullshit… that was why she left you high and dry in the first place.

“Please don’t worry about me-”

“Don’t? Worry? All I’ve done for the past three years is worry about you… and now you’re finally back and I’m still worried about you…” You clutched your chest, Mikasa’s blood staining the white cotton as you used your other hand to trace along the wall until your fingers met the lightswitch. Everything in you told you to keep the light off… everything in you told you to tell her to leave empty-handed. But this was your Mikasa standing in the dark of the room you never thought you’d see her in again… so you turned them on.

God, how you wish you didn’t turn the light on.

“Don’t look at me like that…” She whispered, the crack in her voice signifying that she was on the verge of tears just as you were. To see you standing there in front of her in her shirt, it felt like she’d never left. Her home has always been with you, but the feeling of not being welcomed in your own home was something Mikasa never wanted to experience again after tonight. The tears finally left her eyes when she watched you clasp a hand over your mouth, her blood staining your lips, when she watched your eyes widen in terror at the sight before you. She’d never felt so ashamed of herself.

“I won’t let you leave this fucking room until you tell me what happened,” you demanded. Mikasa was a mess, her face bruised, blood seeping through to her shirt, cuts lining up and down her legs, macara decorating her reddened cheeks… and you weren’t mad. She had to know you weren’t mad.

“I’m not mad at you…” You cried, approaching her slowly as if you were trying to catch a wild animal, or calm a violent storm, “I just wanna help you… okay? That’s it.” You chose your words carefully, not wanting to scare her off, God knows you couldn’t lose her again. Just another two steps until you stood in front of her silent being, wrapping your arms around her cautiously and awkwardly. You two stood there like that for a while, with Mikasa’s arms at her sides, allowing you to hold her in your embrace. It took a few minutes for her to rest her head into the nook of your neck and cry, her mascara seeping into your shirt.

“I’m sorry.”

“I know Mika,” she broke at the nickname, no one had ever called her that except you and she hadn’t heard it in years. Everything came crashing down in that moment and for the first time in years she felt safe, and she felt so stupid for leaving things the way she did. You deserved better than her, you always had.

“I’m s-so-”

“Sh, sh, sh… it’s okay,” you hugged her tighter, feeling her arms snake around your waist and hoist you up into her chest, smushing the two of you together. You relaxed in her grip, your girl had finally come back to you, and though you didn’t know where the hell she went you were incessant on chasing the feeling of being back in her arms. It wasn’t until she uttered her next words that you actually began to panic again.

“I’m in trouble…” She whispered in your ear, maybe you didn’t hear, that was good. If you didn’t hear then she would put you back to sleep and promise she’d stay with you until morning, only to leave in the middle of the night and never come back again. She couldn’t make the mistake of involving you in the mess her life had become, but no one was ever as in tune with her body than you were so of course you heard what she said. And she felt the way you froze in her arms and she hated the way you pushed her back and looked at the floor between the two of you.

“Mikasa I can’t help you unless you tell me everything… and you need to start from the beginning.”

So she did.

She told you everything.

For three hours the two of you laid in your bed, not caring how bloody, soggy, or dingy the sheets got. You couldn’t be bothered to care about anything other than the fact that you were with each other again. You laid with your chests to the ceiling, and you stayed silent while Mikasa poured everything out to you. She told you that she started selling drugs after her parents died, it was risky but an easy way to make a lot of cash fast. She was desperate to get on her feet without your help so she left. She knew if she stuck around you were bound to get caught up in the lifestyle she fell into and it wasn’t a safe one for you to be in, you had too much ahead of you to let her drag you down. She kept saying that she “didn’t want to be a burden,” so she cut you off and blocked your number so she wouldn’t be tempted to pick up and hear your voice every time you called. She told you that she cared about you too much to let you follow the same path she did, so she pushed you away until she physically couldn’t anymore. For three years she sold, she started with weed, then worked her way up to cocaine once she built more trust with her supplier. Mikasa was tough, she always fought the battles in your friendship, and she managed to stick it out as a drug dealer for three long years.

Until she couldn’t.

Things started to go downhill when customers just weren’t buying as much any more, and the overflow of white bricks that hid in the trunk of her car could only stay hidden for so long until someone pried the metal open and left with her stash. She watched as the thief ran off with her shit in a backpack, and three empty bullet casings later she still couldn’t shoot them down. She went a week with her supply stolen, telling her boss that was selling it, to just give her some time. But time went by quickly in the world of drug dealing, and when you say that you’re going to sell by a certain time then you’re going to sell by a certain time. Mikasa’s boss didn’t want to hear her excuses, and when she said that she didn’t have the money, a gun was pulled to her head in less than a minute. He beat her to a pulp, ripping open all of the wounds she stumbled into your room with.

She had to have his money by tomorrow.

“You could’ve come to me for help… you didn’t have to start doing this shit to what? Prove something? Mikasa, your parents died, you were eighteen years old, no one was expecting you to get by on your own-”

“I didn’t want to be a burden-”

“Shut up… you were- are my best friend… I would’ve never let you do this shit by yourself,” your words broke off into a whisper, you slid your hand across the sheets of your bed to close the gap between you two, lightly grazing your pinky against hers. You heard Mikasa sniffle beside you, holding back the small whimpers that were dying to leave her lips. It was her turn to rub her pinky against yours, before she eventually took your hand in hers and intertwined your fingers. Bringing the back of your hand to her lips you felt her tears kiss your skin and her chest silently rack with sobs.

“So that’s why you want the jewelry box… I have some expensive shit in there you know,” you teased, letting your eyes flutter shut to the sound of Mikasa’s giggle. You turned your head to face her, watching as the tears rolled off of her cheeks and seep into the pillow beneath her head.

“I stuffed it underneath my bed… all the way to the back… I couldn’t look at it everytime I walked into my closet I-” your voice cracked as you felt your breath shake, your nose flaring up as you tried to stop yourself from crying again, “-It just reminded me of you Mika… you gave it to me and no matter how it aged I couldn’t bring myself to get rid of it. I really thought you were fucking dead and looking at that box made me sick.”

“I’m sorry… I couldn’t let you get hurt,” she looked you in the eyes, the two of you soaked in tears as you tried to rekindle years of lost time, “If you love something you have to let it go, right?” She laughed, bringing a wrist up to her nose to wipe the snot away, “If I was gonna move on I had to let you go.”

“But you came back… and you’re with me again so please just let me back in,” you debated whether or not now was a good time to tell her how you truly felt. How she left you without letting you say any last words, how she left with loose ends and feelings unaddressed, and how she left without giving you the chance to tell her that you fell in love with your best friend.

And as Mikasa looked at you, she watched the way your lips moved as you spoke, how your cheeks rose and fell perfectly when you laughed, and how every word that left your mouth felt like a love letter written just for her. She debated whether or not now was the time to tell you that she loved you, and yes of course she loved you as a friend, but how she loved you, unabashedly, recklessly, completely enamored with every ounce of your essence. The day she left you was one she regretted, because she left without telling you that she fell in love with her best friend.

But she wouldn't do that again.

And you wouldn’t let her do it again.

“Mikasa I- you just need to stay… please, I can’t watch you walk away again.”

She watched the way your chest rose in a staggered fashion, nerves clearly crawling all over your skin. She turned her body to you and you mirrored her actions, the two of you just staring at one another and letting the tears fall, allowing yourselves to shed the layers, to be vulnerable, to just be with each other. Her hand rose to trace a finger from your forehead, down the bridge of your nose, across your bottom lip and to your chin.

“Mikasa… I understand if you don’t want to see me again. I understand if you want the past to be the past and you just can’t find a place for me in your life. You know where the jewelry box is… so you can take it, you can turn off the lights, and you can leave through the window and I swear on my life I will act like you were never here-”

It all happened so quickly, Mikasa grabbing your face in her hands and bringing her lips to yours. The feeling that you’ve been told about since you were a child… the feeling of knowing when someone is the one… when the fireworks go off and the butterflies erupt in your stomach. It was all so cliché, so trivial, the idea of just knowing, you thought it was a crock of shit until you felt her lips on yours. Suddenly every romantic cliché in the world made sense and you understood why people loved kissing in the rain, why they loved bounties of red roses and midnight serenades outside their lovers window. You just got it.

“I’m not fucking leaving…” She mumbled into your kiss, hiccuping against your lips as she threw a leg across your body and pulled you into her. It felt as though your body finally settled, melted into her touch even though you knew your heart would never fully get used to the feeling of her meshing your mouths together, moving in time as she solidified her feelings for you.

“What are we doing?” You ask breathlessly, wrapping your hands in her hair and pulling it out of the ponytail that it sat in. Your cheeks heated up as she snuck her hands under your shirt, the feeling of her cold hands squeezing at the fat of your stomach making you tingle.

“I don’t know… I just want you… do you want me?” Mikasa asked you sincerely, truly not knowing what the hell you wanted to come from tonight, all she knew was that she wanted to feel you, all of you. So she braced a hand at the back of your neck and grazed her lips over yours once more, waiting for your response before falling into you completely.

“Yes… of course I want you.”

That was all she needed, she didn’t need you to declare an undying love, get on one knee, she didn’t need any of that. She just needed to know that you were hers, even if for a night. As you looked at the battered girl in front of you, somewhere in those grey eyes that had hardened over time there was your Mikasa. The one you fell in love with, though you knew that you still loved her now, fragments and all. Your breath hitched in your throat as she climbed on top of you, locking your head between her forearms as she dived in for another kiss, this one was harder, faster, needier. She needed you desperately, and so she kissed down every inch of you. Your heart beat faster as her lips moved down to trace kisses down your jaw line, spending time on your collarbone as she suckled at the tender skin, biting her mark into you.

“Mika, I-” You stopped before finishing your sentence, regretting ever opening your mouth because she stopped her journey down to where you desired her most and looked up at you.

“What?” She asked innocently, “Hey…” She nudged your chin with her nose, “What is it?”

You thought about it for a second, your heart swelling as you looked down at her, were you really about to give yourself to Mikasa? You were. You wanted to be hers so badly.

“Keep going… I want you to,” How do you ask for something like this? You thought. You saw her smirk out of the corner of your eye, embarrassment washing over you as you brought your hands to cover your face. She sighed and pried at the barrier you had created, before prodding at you just a little bit more, “Don’t do that, tell me what you want… I want to know what you want.” Her fingers toyed with the waistband to your underwear as she continued to kiss at your neck, “Just breathe, talk to me… okay?”

“I want you to- please eat me out,” you whispered from under your hand. Finally working up the courage to open your eyes and look at her as she stole another wet kiss from you, a string of saliva connecting your mouths.

“Good girl,” she uttered bashfully, admiring how pretty you looked so flustered and consumed by the smallest actions. She kissed down your stomach, above your shirt, lingering on each spot before moving to the next. She rose from her spot and straddled your thighs, her hands toying with the ends of your shirt before slowly peeling it up your torso and tossing it to the carpet. Her grey eyes grew stormy as she caught sight of your breasts, the way the dim lighting of the room carved out the dips and curves of your nude body, shadows darkening the deepest valleys and a soft orange hue illuminating the highest peaks.

“Fuck… I missed you,” She admitted, swirling her fingers over your nipples, taking the sensitive buds between her fingers and rolling them around, feeling them harden against the cold air and watching goosebumps litter your soft skin. You let out the smallest moan as she continued to play with your breasts, your hands pawing at the hems of her shirt and pulling at the wet fabric, watching her lift it above her head and tossing the bloodied garment next to yours on the floor. You were in awe of her, her chiseled stomach, her onyx hair falling to just graze the tops of her shoulders, and she was all yours.

“I want you…” You whispered.

“I know you do baby,” the pet name lit something inside of you, your stomach curling as you felt the heat rush to your core. She trailed a hand down your stomach before resting her palm on top of your belly button, snaking her body to the end of the bed until her face sat above your cunt. She hooked her fingers around the damp fabric keeping you from her and pulled it down your thighs, watching you squirm as she did so. She took two fingers and dragged them up your folds, before dragging them back down and spreading your labia open. You watched as she stuck two fingers into her mouth, returning them back to your heat as she prodded at your entrance.

“Are you ready?” She asked softly, smiling at you warmly before peppering kisses on the insides of your thighs.

“M’hm,” you murmured sweetly, bringing a hand down to her hair and running your fingers through the dark strands, “I’m ready.”

Instinctively, you clenched around her as she pushed her middle finger into your hole, a gasp leaving your lips when her knuckles reached the top of your mound. You groaned as she placed her thumb on your clit, rubbing soft circles into it as she curled her finger inside of you, “That good?” She asked and you nodded feverishly, tugging at her hair and beckoning her for more. You looked at her and threw your head back when she added her ringer finger, beginning to pump them in and out of you. Your stomach shook as she sped up slightly, replacing her thumb on your clit with her tongue. The sound of your juices slick on her fingers drove you crazy, the fact that you were this wet for someone drove you crazy. And as Mikasa bobbed her head up and down, her tongue flicking up and down your clit… you were going crazy. Your body shook and your thighs dared to shut around her head, before she wrapped her free arm around one of them and pinned you to the bed.

She curled her fingers inside of you, feeling that familiar little spot that she’s felt so many times on herself and she pressed into it over and over, watching you crumble underneath her touch. Her lips grew wet with your juices, the vibrations of her moaning against you setting you over the edge. Your hands flew from her hair to your breasts as you grabbed at them desperately, coating your fingers with your spit and reaching down to play with your nipples as you felt yourself about to come undone.

“Mika… fuck baby- please,” you whined, your back arching off the bed as you squeezed your breasts tighter. Her movements sped up, her fingers pumping in and out of you and her mouth working at your clit, “Come on baby,” she coaxed you, taking her hand away from your thigh to place it on top of yours, squeezing at your breast and intertwining your fingers together. “Fuck, I’m… oh!” You mewled, quickly being shut up by Mikasa stuffing her fingers in your mouth, your body jolting as she fingered you through your high.

“Shit baby-” She moaned, catching your lips on hers, your juices melding your mouths together. With bated breath, you watched as Mikasa fervently ripped a hole in the crotch of her tights, pushing her panties to the side as she held your thighs open and situated herself between them, her cunt settling on top of yours. Her shiny black nails played with the clasp of her bra before finally letting it fall to the comforter. Her hands wrapped around your ankles, using your legs to brace herself as she began to grind herself against you.

“Oh fuck… fuck, fuck, fuck,” she whined under her breath, taking her bottom lip between her teeth as she silenced herself, focusing her eyes on the way your pussy looked so beautiful rubbing against hers. Her cheeks flushed a rosy red as she let herself go, turning her head away from you so you couldn’t see the way her face twisted in pleasure. You grabbed her hips and began to swirl your crotch up into hers, burning holes into the back of her head with your intense gaze, “Hey… look at me…  f-fuck… I w-wanna see you.”

Your soft instruction went straight to her cunt, pulsing against yours as the sound of the slick between you two prodded at your ears. She hesitantly turned her head back around, her mouth dropping open when she saw the way your chest was coated with sweat, your tits bouncing to the rhythm in which she humped you in. Your face was twisted in pleasure, your eyebrows furrowed and your lips pulled into your mouth. Slowly but surely you coaxed the moans out of Mikasa’s mouth, your voices whispering sweet nothings to each other as your hips moved in harmony.

“B-baby, y-you… fuck me so good,” you whined as Mikasa sped up to the sound of your praises, the silver chains around her neck clanking as she hugged your leg into her chest. You slid a hand up from her waist to her breast, grabbing at it as you took her nipple between your fingers, before sliding it up to her face and tapping her cheek lightly, “T-tell me when you’re gonna cum,” you ask her, “‘M gonna cum soon…”

She leaned back and thrusted her cunt against yours fast, spreading your legs even further apart as she pushed at your ankles. Her moans grew louder, singing to you as she took your hands in hers, “Oh fuck baby… I-I’m cumming… please… look at me baby,” she whispered sweetly, watching you desperately trying to maintain eye contact with her as your sweat-covered stomach contracted on top of the sheets. You opened your lips to scream through your orgasm but Mikasa stuffed your mouth full of her fingers once more, muffling your moans as she rode you two into your peak. Her grey eyes never left yours as she came, “O-oh… fuck,” she sang, breaking skin as she dug her bottom between her teeth. Her thrusts became sloppy as she slowed down, the two of you catching your breath as her grip loosed on your ankles and she lowered your legs back down to the bed.

She let herself collapse next to you in the comfort of the cool linens, the two of you laying a tangled mess of sweaty limbs and wandering hands. You rested your head against her chest, listening as her heartbeat slowed down and her breathing settled. She was at peace for the first time tonight and for that you were thankful. All you’ve ever wanted for Mikasa was peace. You wanted to say it, those three words. You’d say them, and she’d be yours. You turned your head to place a kiss on her chest, before looking up at her. To your surprise she was already looking at you, even with bruises and dried blood all over her body, she was beautiful. You wanted to kill the man that made her mascara run down her cheeks, the person that took her away from you. But for right now, you wanted to stay in this moment with her. You wanted to tell her, before or if, she ran away again. So you did.

“I love you.”

And as Mikasa looked at you, your body covered in her grime and sweat, love bites painted across your skin like a mural, she knew with everything in her that she couldn’t leave you again. You gave her the opportunity to leave and she didn’t, you were prepared to let her go if that’s what she truly desired. She was so fucking in love with you for that. She placed a hand on your cheek, the other traced up and down your spine, you were so beautiful to her. She wanted to tell you, before or if, she fucked up again. So she did.

“I love you.”

You lifted your head to kiss her, just to feel the feeling of kissing in the rain one more time. That feeling of knowing that you’ve finally found your person. Mikasa would never be a burden to you, and you’d do everything in your power to make her see that. Neither of you knew what the hell you were going to do, nor how you’d move on from here. You just knew that you were prepared to give everything up just to make sure that you’d never be separated again. The way both of your eyes lit up when you finally whispered your confessions three years in the making spoke volumes to that.

“I’ll sell everything for you… just stay with me, okay?”

“...Okay.”

© 2021 mitsery - do not repost my work to any other platforms

[halveablock]

2021 year of illusts + comics!

some art thoughts, gets pretty rambly on main

i’m a little sad that i had nothing for october for comics but i was so busy that month... and doing a full week of comics for sashisu week immediately after made up for it i guess haha.

i drew so much this year! thank you akutami gege. overall the jjk brainrot has not let up and *checks calendar* doesn’t look like it’s gonna stop any time soon

the thing i’m most proud of... probably drawing all those comics. counting them up, i’ve maybe drawn almost 200 "pages” this year (some aren’t posted online (yet?)). while quantity isn’t a good measure for improvement, i feel like i’ve still improved a ton since the first comic i drew in csp november last year. making continuum fanbook was big for me in that improvement. paneling became a little bit more natural and less gimmicky, less difficult. doing full week of comics for stsg week in february vs sashisu week in november was like night and day-- and i drew so much more so much faster for sashisu week. it’s nothing compared to the godly doujin and manga/comic artists casually doing this all year but i think having concrete markers of improvement like that really helps. also good sign when i cringe at the art i made from just this year b/c that means my standards are higher now lol

problem to still be solved... i feel like i keep having to reset how i draw every time i start a new piece. most of the pieces in 2021 illustrations summary, i drew differently from each other. very inconsistent. i want to be more consistent, not style-wise per se, just more reliable so every time i draw something more ambitious i’m not having a nervous breakdown about it. and when i’m not working on something ambitious, i want to be more loose about it? there’s a lot of artists i admire who can put lines down on the page and have it be immediately readable. i want to be like that. i guess it’s just a matter of Git Gud. god i’m still lacking in so many fundamentals

is it funny that i tell myself repeatedly that i hate drawing? because i hate drawing. i just like placing down ideas, someone finish the drawing for me LOL i dislike the whole process, the mental beatup, and the physical pains (i need to work on that). but seeing that i finished something really makes my brain pop like nothing else. it felt so rewarding to finish and distribute a comic booklet for the first time this year, after years of telling myself i’d do something like that. it’s also why i do a lot of weekly events, it’s my game jam completionist background hah. if i’m good at anything it’s pacing myself for timed events like that. but i’m not sure if i should do them next year since i want to focus more on personal projects.

sorry this turned out more complain-y than actual retrospective but i guess that just means i’m pretty motivated for next year. happy holidays.

[babesonly]

fic recs 2.0!

hello kings (gn) ive got significantly more fic than last time which means this is gonna be a little more organized than the last post bc it is much longer <3 categories in order are non casefic canonverse, casefic/roadtrip fic, finale fixits, endverse, non supernatural aus, and then non destiel ones. titles will be in bold for my favs! also within each category they’re in order from shortest to longest

Canonverse

I’m a tulip in a cup by godtiering (1.2k)

I worry that I never really came back from hell. I wonder why, if I got remade by heaven, I’m still the same screwed up kid that I always was.

Sometimes I worry I’m not into women at all.

"Guess not,” he looks at his shoes.

a REALLY good fic that’s basically just a look inside dean’s head during my bloody valentine do not read this looking for a fun time but please do read it

on vessels by flightsofangels (1.9k)

“You know,” Cas mutters into Dean’s bare skin. “When I was still… an angel, I used to dream that I would take you as my vessel.”

hello consumehimnatural fans!!!!! read newt’s fic right now its incredible

dean winchester is not a nicholas sparks protagonist by microcomets (1.9k)

Dean fell in love with Cas the way you fall asleep--slowly, and then all at once. Or some other hackneyed and trite bullshit. God, this is embarrassing.

dean is in LOVE. he’s also a disaster who keeps staring at cas’ hands. sigh

Stay by aeli_kindara (2.5k)

Coda to 13.06 (Tombstone). In which Castiel reckons with the aftermath of Dean's grief.

hello fellow widow arc fans <3 click here to see cas find out abt the events of advanced thanatology !

walking on a string by swordfishtrombones (2.7k)

Between the doomed offensive at the Firmament and the impending retreat from the ravaged northeast border, Castiel left camp long enough to answer one of Dean Winchester's prayers.

S6 DEAN IS A WAR WIFE. been really into early seasons deancas lately and this one is very good. god

the flesh of the mighty by Mudprophet (2.7k)

Ezekiel 39:17 "you shall eat the flesh of the mighty and drink the blood of the princes of the earth."

MY GOD. anyone who saw the @autisticandroids​ purgatory cannibalism talk and was interested read this right now. also anyone who enjoyed nbc hannibal OR raw (2016). if romantic cannibalism is remotely aligned with your interests read this right now. god

Sam Winchester, Ally At Law by alittleduck (3.3k)

Sam was pretty sure he could read every single gay friendly guide to coming out or supporting queer family members ever written and literally none of them would even imply that arguing with gay people that they were actually just homophobic constituted as "ally behavior". However, Sam was equally sure that none of those book authors had found themselves accidentally watching their brother get pounded by an Angel of the Lord at 9 am on Tuesday, so Sam was pretty sure he might actually still have the higher ground. Now, if only Jack would stop trying to bond with Dean using gay slurs long enough for Sam to convince everyone of that, he might just be able to cobble together some remnant of sanity or, failing that, dignity.

Or, the one where Sam desperately wants to invent PFLAG but Dean won't stop teaching Jack gay slurs

JACK VOICE HEY COCKSUCKERS. 

hummed low by microcomets (3.3k)

Dean pulls the Impala over at a cider barn about thirty miles out; doesn't really think about it, just sees the hokey orange lettering off the roadside and lets his hands guide the Impala off the interstate with gravel spitting under the wheels.

they get a nice day out together and dean has a gay crisis and it’s written beautifully mwah

Vena Amoris and Other Old-Fashioned Bullshit by pyrebi (3.9k)

In which angelic marriage bonds are apparently stupidly easy to trigger, Cas wages multidimensional war in Heaven, Dean can't catch a break like ever, Sam rather enjoys being a dick, love saves the day, and nobody consummates anything.

sometimes i think about this fic and it hits that at this point dean and cas would have been married for more than a year. cas my beloved...

an exploration of gender; angelic by sometimeswelose (4k)

Castiel's true form is made of electromagnetic radiation. He has spent the majority of his life, if you really want to add it all up and average the whole thing out, as a wavelength of celestial intent.

The thing about being made of light: it's light in the physics sense of the word. Castiel's waves are gamma, x-ray, micro, and radio. He's visible light too, of course, a visible light so intense that it is blinding to most humans.

hello trans cas community <3 he’s literally trans he was assigned genderless and then went hm actually i will be a man! love of my life

Some Boys are Sleeping Alone by prosopopeya (4.2k)

This isn't something that's okay, not for him, but it chases him through the years until it turns into something he can't -- doesn't want to deny. 

ohhh deans tenuous relationship with his sexuality my beloved...

love. worship. consummation. consumption. by redeyedwrath (4.3k)

ConsumehimNatural (copyright marcusantonius) the Series!

These are all snapshots centered around the idea of you know. Hunger in Supernatural. Both carnal hunger and other kinds. Fics are shown in semi-chronological order but this series is generally nebulously early seasons.

for ANYONE who is a consumehimnaturual this is required reading it is INCREDIBLE and gorgeous and very visceral and i am so very obsessed with it. thank you redeyedwrath for enabling my brainrot

the reach of human sense by perilously (4.5k)

“You know what Jimmy Novak looked like. You think he was beautiful—gorgeous, hot, all of it. It’s him. Not me. This isn’t my face.”

“But,” Dean says. He doesn’t know where he’s going with it. Just that Cas’ face is right there, brows drawn together and cheekbones gleaming in the lamplight. It’s a face that’s made his heart skip probably a couple hundred beats collectively since they met.

And it used to belong to someone else.

this one is just very nice <3 cas gets uncomfortable w dean calling him attractive since dean has never seen his trueform and they work it out

Down in the River by Ias (4.7k)

Alone in Purgatory and hunted by Leviathans, Castiel finds himself praying to the one person who can't hear him.

cas i love you <3 cas alone in purgatory praying to dean bc dean is the only thing he still worships i love you so much

Creature of Habit by trinityofone (5.1k)

The more you love someone, the more you want to kill them. Or: How Cas developed some bad habits, and Dean coped surprisingly well.

written in s5 when cas was depowered and completely nails the later seasons bitchy husbands dynamic it’s very good and fun <3

sink by crackers4jenn (5.4k)

"Where to?" A 9.06 coda.

very bittersweet very well written and also canon compliant so do not go into this one looking for a happy ending but i DO recommend it it’s very good

Sensational by castiowl (6.1k)

“When I first came to earth, it was advised that we temper the senses bound to our vessels. They were a distraction, we were told. An antiquated form of experiencing existence that would hinder our ability to complete our missions, whatever that may be. My true form can better facilitate these experiences. What you would recognize as heightened senses of sight and sound, among other things.”

Or, how Dean helps Cas experience all five human senses for the first time in one night.

early seasons deancas man. i love the sound part i love dean being so worried about doing a good job with this. god. read this please

Something to Protect by Sass_Master (6.2k)

Dean’s violent reaction to being unexpectedly woken has become something of a running joke among them, but Castiel can’t help but look past it to the underlying cause. It makes him ache to think that Dean feels so unsafe, so persecuted, before he’s even fully conscious.

Secretly, Castiel has been determined to work on that, to ease Dean into awareness in a less jarring way, smooth away one of the many stresses that follow him even in sleep. Now’s as good a time as any to try.

oh to sleep more soundly in the presence of someone you love...this fic is very nice i enjoyed it a lot

all this and heaven too by ftmsteverogers (7k)

“Hey,” Dean said. “I’m not ashamed of you, okay?”

Cas raised skeptical eyes to meet his.

“I mean it,” Dean insisted.

“I understand you mean it,” Cas said. “But I don’t think it’s any better if you’re only ashamed of yourself.”

hello trans dean community here is 7k of trans dean having to deal with his internalized homophobia now that he’s sleeping with cas <3 it is SO good

The wilderness. by orange_crushed (8k)

He takes a shower and the pressure is not especially good, but it doesn’t matter. It’s warm and he stands under the spray a long time. Human skin, he knows, constantly renews itself, shedding the dead cells of the epidermis. He wonders how long it will take until he is an entirely new person, until every cell on his surface is a new one. He looks at his hands under the water. It might take less than a month.

this might be the only post 9x03 fic on here with a happy ending actually? plenty of good melancholy leading up to it though <3 canon divergent after 9x03 though which means no 9x06 fanfiction gap but it is absolutely worth reading

till the juice runs by deathbanjo (8.4k)

Apparently whoever drew up the venn diagram of Dean’s sex life decided the circle labelled ‘good sex’ and the one labelled ‘sex with men’ should be kept far apart.

hello this one is SO funny dean finally gets comfortable enough with his bisexuality to start having sex with men and it goes so very bad every time so sorry about your shitty choices beloved </3

First Date by aeli_kindara (8.9k)

“We should go on a date. You and me.”

Castiel wishes he could see Dean’s face. He wishes he had any idea what to say.

“I’m asking you out, Cas.”

this one is very sweet i liked it a lot <3 good refreshing little fic where they just get to have a nice evening together

Entertaining Strangers by cadignan (9k)

Dean settles on to his side, lying in the bed facing Castiel. “So you had sex without me and you bit all my moves. I think I deserve to hear about it, at least. What was her name?”

op im in love with you. premise is established relationship deancas and cas mentions he did have sex before dean and not only that it was a threesome. good for him <3 this fic is cas describing the story of what led up to the threesome and what happened during it while dean interrupts regularly. incredible

the shape you take by noviembre (10k)

“What?” Dean says, fake-offended. “I’d be hot as a girl, you know I would.”

And this is when he really, really should have stopped talking. When he shouldn't have whipped back around and asked, “Cas, if I was a woman, you’d fuck me, right?”

Because if he hadn’t said that, then he wouldn’t have had to deal with this:

Cas, meeting his eyes, forehead wrinkles all smoothed out like there’s nothing to be confused about anymore. Cas with something at the corner of his mouth that might barely be called a smile.

Cas saying, calmly and without hesitation, “Yes, Dean.”

--

Dean Winchester fucks around and, with the inadvertent help of some witches, Finds Out.

dean winchester your gender is diabolical. this fic is insane and its the only thing that matters actually. dean fully convinced its normal and straight to think about being a woman so you can fuck your male friend. incredible. op im proposing to you

Sinnerman by a_good_soldier (10k)

Dean listens to Nina Simone, reads Anne Carson, and makes out with a dude (sort of).

yall want to read about dean realizing he’s in love with a man as a direct result of learning to better respect women right?

you’re fooling yourself by cowboydeanwinchester (13k)

Dean Winchester and Castiel retire from hunting to raise baby Jack. Dean struggles to allow himself the things he truly wants.

Jack is two, Castiel and Dean are idiots, and Sam's gotta solve everyone's problems.

love a married couple who doesn’t know they’re married <3 everyone say thank you sam for bullying dean 

The Girlfriend Experience by rageprufrock (15k)

While it's not like Dean hasn't had a couple of truly regrettable hit-and-runs in his sexual history, this is probably the saddest fucking thing that has ever happened to him.

a classic for good fucking reason. we’ve all talked about dean thinking holding hands is too gay after having just had gay sex but my personal favorite was sam accusing dean of cheating on cas because dean bought condoms. incredible

No Kingdom To Come by domesticadventures (16k)

“We should fuck,” Dean says.

Cas looks up from where he sits on his bed, hair still damp from the shower, frowning as he places a finger on the page of his book to mark where he left off.

There are a million things Cas could say here; Dean has rehearsed them. After lunch, his restlessness had given way to a vague panic, a dread that matched his every step and crept along with him from room to room. Eventually, he had returned to his bedroom and spent the rest of the afternoon pacing back and forth, playing out all the possible scenarios. When Cas asks him Why? or Are you being serious? or when he sighs and says, in that way he has, Dean, he knows exactly what he’s going to do. He’s going to shrug casually, like he isn’t invested in the answer, like he isn’t desperate for an outlet, and say, Why not? He’s going to raise an eyebrow and say, What, are you not interested? He’s going to crowd into Cas’ personal space, he’s going to shove himself right up in there and whisper Cas against his ear.

Instead, Cas says, carefully, “Okay.”

literally the only quarantine fic i’ve ever bothered to read in any fandom and completely worth it it’s SO good. they become fwb and dean has an existential crisis and he keeps bringing up meaninglessness and death during sex

Bodies by Speary (18k)

It was a secret they never acknowledged even with each other. It would change everything, end everything if either of them ever dropped the act. So they became very good at acting, at keeping up the lie that gave them what they wanted. Even if that lie involved constantly seeking out temporary, consenting female vessels, Cas would do it. He told himself it was worth it for Dean. He just hoped that he could stop wanting more, or maybe one day Dean might stop pretending that he wasn't really sleeping with Cas every time.

i don’t even have anything to add tbh if that summary did not immediately make you click we are very different this fic is incredible. god. fellas do you ever make yourself a woman so you can fuck the man you love without him having to talk about it or confront his sexuality

it’s such a mystery (the way you know me) by fleeceframe (20k)

So the man crouching in front of Castiel is named Dean. He wonders if that’s supposed to mean something to him.

“Cas must’ve got hit with something earlier. He just dropped like a sack of fucking potatoes a minute ago. By the time I was checking on him, he had already woken up again, but now he doesn’t fucking know who we are.”

“I’m right here you know,” Castiel says testily.

Sam’s eyes are wide even as his eyebrows are furrowed, and he looks between Dean and Castiel again.

“What do you remember, Cas?”

“Firstly, that I’m not Cas. I don’t know who Cas is, but it’s not me. I don’t know who either of you are, either."

or the one where castiel is hit with a memory curse that makes him forget the winchester brothers and is stunned to find out he has a family... also why can't he stop thinking about dean?

BEST amnesia fic oh my god. cas my beloved you deserve the world. everyone read this that is not a request.

More Than Ever by Sass_Master (20k)

Dean’s getting some pancakes together for breakfast when Cas saunters in after a run.

He’s trying to focus on whisking batter, unfairly distracted by Cas a few feet away, breathing heavily and shining with perspiration. Dean’s been painfully aware for a long time that Cas is pretty easy on the eyes, but he’s used to seeing Cas buttoned-up and unflappable, looking straight-laced in a stiff oxford and an unflattering trenchcoat.

Now Cas is sweating, Dean’s borrowed t-shirt clinging to his skin, flushed from exertion and Dean really can’t deal with that in his kitchen right now.

this entire series is really good i enjoyed it a lot, i’m just putting this one specifically on the list bc the rest of the series is very explicit and this is really good as a standalone for anyone who wouldn’t be into the rest of the series!!

Being Dean Winchester by Anonymous (20k)

"You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of hell. I can throw you back in."

Who the fuck was this bitchy "warrior of God" doing talking to him like that? Fuck Cas-tee-el and his dumbass trench coat and abrasive motherfucking attitude.

Dean was done with this shit.

***

Wherein a monster of the week steals the essence of Castiel's vessel, so he must use Dean, recently raised from hell, as a vessel instead.

it is at this point i realize that there are more fics than i expected there to be on this list that involves a threesome with only two people/using the presence of a female body to act like what’s happening is heterosexual. deangirlism is a disease 

I Shall Not Want by domesticadventures (20k)

His grace is burning out, and the wasteland it leaves inside him becomes an echo chamber for all the memories, all the fear and doubt and self-loathing he's collected over the years. Things said and done hound him on endless repeat until he's convinced they’ll break through his skin and fill the silence of the bunker.

His head is killing him, and he sits hunched over an open book, not really reading, just digging his fingers into his skull and praying nothing slips through the cracks.

this one is GORGEOUS i love it so so much. dean and cas are both struggling so much to get by and they’re trying to support each other but fucking it up and they have to grow together and learn to cope with the fact that this is where their lives are and they fall in love i need everyone to read this

To Boldly Go by 8daysuntiltheapocalypseiguess (24k)

Title: Just One of Those Things Author: Impala67 Series: TOS Rating: M Summary: Four years into their five-year mission, and all the planets start to look the same.

In which Dean is not Gene Roddenberry, but he does write Star Trek fanfiction.

mx winchester writing star trek fanfiction to process his own trauma <3 this is a wip but it’s SO good and i also have not consumed a single piece of star trek media so it IS definitely readable to anyone who isn’t a star trek fan. please read this

where the weeds take root by deathbanjo (30k)

“Are you happy? Y’know. Just—being here,” Dean says, gesturing to the yard with his beer bottle. “Being with—I mean, you used to fight in celestial wars and—and save the world. Now you’re growing vegetables and talking about chickens.”

this is on here just for the 1.5 people who were putting off this one like i did for no reason. it’s extremely good and it is just gentle. i enjoyed it a lot

Heroes for Ghosts by pantheon_of_discord (42k)

After Sam and Dean are arrested, Castiel is left alone and scrambling to find them. He knows they’re locked away in a government facility, and he’s still able to hear their prayers, but no matter how he tries Castiel can’t seem to track them. He chases leads and even attempts to hunt on his own, but Mary is AWOL, Crowley refuses to help, and Castiel’s options are running out.

Weeks pass, Castiel’s hope dwindles, and through it all Dean prays, keeping them connected. His voice is comforting, frustrating, and occasionally annoying, but in his solitude Castiel comes to cherish it. But then one day, without warning, Dean stops praying, and Castiel is forced to confront some uncomfortable truths about his feelings.

yall ever wonder what it would’ve been like if the sam and dean arrest storyline in s12 was interesting? yeah <3

Teaching Poetry to Fish by aeli_kindara (52k)

In which Castiel teaches poetry to fish. Also, himself. Also, eventually, Dean.

(A series-long story, diverging slightly from canon after S14.)

cas learning about humanity through poetry before dean and thats what led to him developing enough emotion to be lobotomized....cas i love you so much

Emergence by ellispark (58k)

Something’s been missing from Dean’s life for the past three years, a void left after a hunt gone terribly wrong. He often feels a sense of longing with no discernible cause, a need to talk to someone who isn’t there.

A call from an acquaintance leads Dean to James Novak, a man who disappeared more than a decade ago, and suddenly Dean gets the feeling he’s found what he’s been missing. But James isn’t really James — he’s the angel Castiel, who’s wanted by angels, demons and hunters alike. And he may be at the center of the storm that wrecked Dean’s life all those years ago.

another cool amnesia fic!! for unknown reasons everyone forgot cas three years ago but cas didn’t forget anything. cas deserves so much love and support. god

a turn of the earth by microcomets (95k)

Dean’s your typical half-orphaned, monster-killing 22-year-old until a trenchcoated stranger crashes into his back windshield one September night, claiming he’s an angel that knows him from the future and that he’s on the run.

Frigging fantastic.

(Or, in which Castiel gets stuck in Dean’s timeline preseries and Dean kind of hates it—until he doesn’t.)

cas getting to meet and fall in love with pre hell dean just as much as he loves the dean he already knows oh my GOD. i love this fic so much. turn of the earth my beloved

Crossing Lines by sometimeswelose (122k)

Two Deans, one Cas - it's not as sexy as it sounds

Or

An ethics lesson from Hell

Or

The one where Dean from the past meets Dean in the present. They're not sure they like each other very much.

deans intense self hatred vs cas’ unwavering love for every version of dean oh my GOD also this is a wip fair warning but it’s so worth waiting for updates i’m having such a great time with this one i cannot wait to see how it gets ended

Plot Holes by saltyfeathers (160k)

Of course it wasn’t over after the apocalypse.

There was season six. Then there was season seven. Against all expectations, there was season eight. There were the alphas and purgatory, and then the Leviathans, and then the angels fell. Enter season nine. Loose threads Metatron, Abaddon, and Crowley have to be tied up. Sam, Dean, and Cas have to try to tie them while at the same time dealing with their evolving relationships and newfound graceless states.

Amidst all the chaos, someone has started publishing the Supernatural novels again. Convinced there’s something amiss in the pages, Charlie starts her own quest to suss out the truth behind the Winchester Gospels.

With the help of various faces, old and new, they must now not only deal with the typical runs of demons and recently fallen angels, but also reconcile the battles raging inside themselves, as the fate of the world, once again, quite literally lays in the palm of their hands.

saltyfeathers said i WILL make the plot holes in this show mean something because the showrunners are sure as shit never gonna adress them ! and i thank them for it bc this was a really cool read

Casefic/Roadtrip Fic

Deprived Of Every Planet by KelpietheThundergod (9k)

Dean's breathing is audible in the scant space between them, irregular. The motel room is dark, pale blue shadows falling in through the gaps in the blinds. Throwing a pattern of uneven white stripes over the bunched up covers. Over Dean's fingers twisted in the sheets. One half of him in shadow, softened by the dark. The heat of his skin. The tremble of him under Castiel's touch.

He caresses a hand over Dean's chest, slowly. Dean's mouth falls open, his body arching into Castiel's touch. Castiel stops over Dean's heart. Through the fever of his desire, he rejoices about the wonder of experiencing another's heartbeat through one's own senses.

Dean gasps, but then he turns his face away and towards the dark. Eyes closed tight and brows furrowed like something is hurting him.

Castiel stills.

“Dean?”

the case is background on this one but it Does take place over the course of a case so im putting it here. god touchstarved dean trying so hard to work through his shit for cas head in my hands i love this fic so much

before and after breakfast by spocklee (10k)

The monster of the week is a ghost who hates meat, alcohol, and feeling yourself. Guess who it is during the commercials.

chapter 2 of this one.....god. dean and cas you are both so unwell <3 i love everything abt this fic everyone read it now

we shovel all the ashes out by xylodemon (15k)

Dean’s always known things were headed this way. He just figured getting dragged under would be cleaner and easier than jumping in feet-first.

fics that make you go Oh they love each other...also there’s lesbians in it literally what else could you want.

thunder road by dothraki_shieldmaiden (20k)

After Chuck is defeated and the Winchesters settle into life without God, Dean Winchester is bored.

OR: Dean and Cas take a road trip and figure out some stuff along the way.

this fic is just like. it’s kind! this fic is kind it’s just a pleasant experience and i enjoyed it thoroughly. they’re in love and it’s good

Suck It, Judy Garland by GlitterDwarf, midrashic (20k)

It had to be St. Louis. Or, the one where Sam and Cas get fake married for a case, and Dean loses his mind.

actually im gonna defend dean here imagine youre dean and cas gives what definitely sounded like a deathbed love confession while making eye contact with you and then immediately afterwards fake dates your brother. who among us would not have been a bitch about this

best friends without benefits by lizbobjones (20k)

It’s nearing three a.m. and they’ve been on the road a long time. Sam’s been asleep in the back seat since eleven. Giving up and handing the wheel over to Cas and letting the guy who doesn’t sleep drive had seemed like a good idea.

the premise of this fic is so funny. cas voice dean you want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid. everyone read this

the taste of gravel in the mouth by deathbanjo (22k)

This is what Cas gave up Heaven for: greasy diner food, shitty motel rooms with even shittier cable, long car rides spent in complete silence except for the same six tapes playing over and over again, and a burnt-out husk of a man who can barely hold a conversation anymore.

alt version of getting rid of the mark of cain, the darkness never happens. this one is VERY heavy but it’s so good and it has a hopeful ending. ive read this one twice and loved it both times

Someone Who’s Feeling For Me by ellispark (45k)

Dean sees her for the first time in nearly six years in some no-name town in Idaho, and it's panic at first sight.

Lisa Braeden, the one woman Dean ever actually had a shot at a real life with, back from where he buried her in his mind. And her hand is on Cas's arm like it's no big deal, like it belongs there. Cas, Dean's dorky, sweet, badass, angelic best friend, and he's just standing there next to Lisa and not moving her hand away.

Dean feels the jealousy rising, and it's not directed where he expected it to be. Because it takes this exact moment for Dean to realize he's in love with his best friend. He's in love with his best friend, and Lisa is looking at Cas like he's the best thing since automatic rifles, and Dean is utterly fucked.

hello op please contact me. please contact me and let me see the inside of your brain. this fic was an unparalleled experience and everyone should also go through it. i love it so very much

Bumper Cars by mansikka (111k)

Two teenagers are missing from an abandoned carnival, and there’s enough to raise suspicion that their disappearance involves a ghost. Dean, Sam, and Cas arrive in town to investigate, though what they find leads them away from those teenagers, and on the trail of a ghost story that churns up things from their past.

Can newly-human Cas, and Dean, with the help of shipper!Sam, work out the mystery behind the abandoned carnival and its ghost, and along the way, figure out the riddle that is them?

one of my absolute fav case fics it forces dean to confront some aspects of johns parenting and work through some shit and also him and cas fall in love and it’s really well done. love this one a lot <3

Finale Fix-its/Finale Denial

Sorry Jimmy by K_K_TiBal (2.1k)

Based on the tumblr textpost:

jellydeans: so are cas and jimmy novak just up in heaven existing at the same time katebushstandean: #jimmy moves to heaven timbuku so that dean stops trying to make out with him every time they run into each other at the heaven grocery store

this one is just extremely funny. local midwestern heterosexual man is forced to play relationship counselor to the dumbest gay people in existence because one of them wore his face

Dean Winchester Really Needs To Make Some Gay Friends by AreYouReady (2.2k)

“Like, I’m trying to think if I’ve had, I don’t know, crushes. If I ever had a gay thing before you came along and just didn’t notice,” Dean said.

Cas suddenly looked down, and away from Dean. If Dean didn’t know better, he would swear Cas looked guilty.

“What is it, Cas?”

“You have had several… gay things before.” Cas still wouldn’t look at him.

“What? When? How come you know this better than I do?”

There was no way the answer to this question wasn’t funny as hell.

dean learning about gay ppl via the memories of dean smith...incredible.

tiny difference (between ending and starting to begin) by sunforgrace (2.4k)

Sometimes Dean catches Cas staring at the sky.

It doesn’t happen often. Not when Dean’s around to tell, anyway. But often enough that he starts to notice.

Eventually Dean starts to recognize the pattern.

Cas just doesn’t watch the sky. He watches the birds.

Chuck is gone, Cas is human, and the world is safe. In the quiet aftermath Dean and Castiel find each other again.

i really don’t have much to say abt this one it is just very good and they love each other so much

Bring Home by cenotaphy (3.8k)

Dean's phone doesn't ring on the drive back to the Bunker, but that's okay. Because—well, maybe Cas lost his cell, what with getting shuffled back and forth between a cosmic void dimension and all. And anyway, Dean doesn't want this conversation to happen over the phone, he wants to—he wants to talk to Cas face-to-face. They should talk face-to-face.

Dean will tell him—

Dean doesn't know what he'll tell Cas. Dean is, in fact, terrified by how utterly and completely he does not know what he'll say to Cas.

cas being forced to face the consequences of sending the risky text that was despair <3

dean’s coworkers vs the heteronormative agenda by cowboydeanwinchester (4.1k)

Dean started working at a local auto repair shop in Lebanon, Kansas about a year ago. His coworkers don't know much about him. Except that he has a wife. Or maybe he doesn't. But he has a kid. Who is either a toddler or a high schooler. Who is either named Jack or Sammy. He also might have a best friend named Cas, but that also might be his wife.

Truth is nobody knows what to make of Dean.

obsessed w people not knowing a single fucking thing about dean because he talks so much and never explains anything. this fic is SO funny

Enhanced Extraction Techniques by goldenraeofsun (5.8k)

The Empty takes Meg’s shape, Samandriel’s, Duma’s, every one of the thousands of angels Cas killed up in heaven. But in the middle of lecturing Cas in the form of Balthazar, it explodes in a burst of light and sound.

Dean Winchester stands in the aftermath.

the empty playing mind games on an awake cas bc it can’t put him to sleep is a thing i like a lot and this is very very good 

Speak Silence No More by rea_sunshine (8.1k)

When Dean imagined this moment, it went like this:

Dean bursts into the Empty—guns blazing, chin high, righteous anger coursing through him. No matter what form his plans and fantasies and whiskey-drunk-whispered-promises took, he is always, always successful. When he imagined it, he was finally the hero Cas deserved.

The reality of the moment is this:

It’s fucking cold.

dean and cas STILL managing to not communicate with each other properly after the confession is so funny to me and this fic does it really well. also i like that a human being in the empty, where humans do NOT belong, had some like. consequences

my heart is a compass by lagaudiere (10k)

“There you are,” the Empty says, in Dean’s voice. It’s cold, like Dean’s eyes are cold, his expression set in contempt. It’s the expression Cas feared, he realizes, all the times he thought about saying it. Revulsion. It makes him feel sick in the way that goes beyond physical, here where there is nothing physical left.

The moment before it happened had been so sweet it covered up all the hurt. For years, Cas had been holding back those words, biting down on his tongue to keep from saying them. And now he had said it, and he knew that it was good, knew that it was worth it. But on the other side there is only this.

--

In the Empty, Cas dreams of his regrets, until someone comes looking for him.

one of thee best dean rescues cas from the empty fics out there i love the way his memories are written i love how many of them were ones that this fic came up with to give me new things to have brainworms over instead of just making me more fixated on He Watched Him Rake Leaves than i already am

killing time by orestespdf (11k)

It's been four years since Dean saved Cas from the Empty and confessed his feelings in return, and in their Vermont lakehouse, the retired couple is now learning how to heal. One morning, Dean gives Cas a haircut.

(A character study of Castiel.)

perfect fic perfect fic no notes no complaints they love each other so much and now dean is giving cas a haircut and they’re spending the day together. god.

and every time we kiss, i swear i can fly by knameless (14k)

Every time, Dean tells himself it’s the last.

--

aka, twelve times dean and cas kiss.

a just boy best friends kiss for every season <3 mwah

for which no words exist by MediaWhore (14k)

'a prayer for which no words exist' // richard siken

"Dear Cas who art in my bathtub, give me the strength to be honest about how I feel. For your sake and for mine. Forgive me all the times I wasn’t in the past, all the words I should have said but didn’t. And please stay. Please stay with me when all is said and done. Amen. "

Dean rescues a newly human Cas from the Empty. That's the easy step.

mediawhore i am in LOVE with you oh my god this fic. this fic. dean taking care of cas after rescuing him dean wrapping cas in a blanket oh my GOD

swimming with the fish pond fish by februyuri (17k)

Some time between Dean bleeding out on a makeshift hook in a barn in Ohio and Sam making marshmallows on his funeral pyre, Dean was brought back to life. By Castiel. Again. Dean agreed to it if only to give Jack time to work out the glitches up top. So, now Dean’s back in the land of the living and things are ... actually good, for once.

Or, as good as they can be when demons are attacking Earth, Dean’s failing to get over why he died in the first place, and Cas is suddenly, inexplicably taking every opportunity to casually tell Dean that he loves him.

this is a wip! but it is so good and so worth the read i love it a lot and am very excited for the last chapter. it IS pretty heavy though dean has a LOT to work through

looking like a true survivor (feeling like a little kid) by courfeyrac (20k)

"Jack’s a clever kid—has been ever since he was born, maybe even before that—but Dean’s pretty sure he hasn’t figured out where they’re going yet. And Dean’s… Dean’s excited about it. He remembers planning surprises for Sammy when they were little—saving up quarters and sneaking off to the arcade the year he turned seven, or slipping a book Dean had seen Sammy admiring into his jacket before sprinting out of the store the year he turned twelve. There was only so much Dean could give him back then, hindered by lack of finances and transportation and a father who paid attention. Now, though, Dean’s got a wallet full of cash, a tank full of gas, and the freedom to give his kid the kind of birthday he deserves."

Or, it's Jack's fourth birthday, and the kid wants to go to Build-A-Bear.

EVERYONE READ THIS RIGHT NOW. that is not a request this fic undid me. oh my god. oh my god. they’re a family and they’re going to build a bear and they love each other. oh my god. also no it isn’t a baby jack fic he is 4 and he is also alcal

what’s missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27k)

It's not the first time Claire has ever gone missing. It is, however, the first time Kaia panics about it. Dean's dragged into the mess, but he soon finds that it's the best thing that could have happened to him.

~~~

"But have you ever just met someone and maybe it wasn't from the first moment, maybe it was after all these other moments that meant more than you ever expected them to, and it seems like your soul just—just—" Kaia makes a helpless gesture with her hands, pushing out, and she breathes out loudly. "Like it can finally exhale. And that person isn't guaranteed to make you happy, but they're—they're important. You just know it, you can't even escape it, you can't let them go. Ever met someone like that, Dean?"

"I—" Dean halts, his mouth hanging open. He's looking at Kaia, who's looking at him, and his heart is fluttering in his throat like a caged bird aching to soar again. His mind threatens to spiral out of control, but he focuses, swallowing hard. "Yeah. Um. I—yeah, I have."

deancas AND dreamhunter we love to see it also dean DOES smoke weed with kaia and apologizes for pulling a gun on her what more could you want in a fic

Command Me To Be Well by prospopeya (28k)

Dean did a lot of thinking about when and how he would get Cas back. Months of it, actually, stretching into a year, because while Sam and Eileen were settling into their new lives, Dean was stuck. He was stuck in a faraway corner of the bunker, dark and empty and hollow, ringing with the sound of a vibrating phone.

So when he falls to his knees in that same room, exhausted, hurting, breathless, and he feels a hand on his shoulder and looks up to see Cas, he realizes that he doesn't have a single clue about what to do now. Getting Cas out had been easy--actually, it'd been the opposite of that--but the planning of it, the methodical desperation of one attempt after the other had been a familiar rhythm. It'd been soothing almost, solid, something to focus on that wasn't Cas's eyes, watery and jubilant in a way Dean hadn't ever seen that up close on anyone, let alone Cas.

And now Cas is pulling him to his feet, and Dean's stumbling, and he instinctually grabs Cas's arm, and his hand lights up with a fire that he isn't prepared for.

"Hello, Dean."

oh post despair lack of communication....oh dean refusing to work through his feelings...this fic is incredible i love it everyone who enjoys dean doing everything in his power to avoid talking about feelings up to and including having sex with the guy who’s in love with him multiple times should read this

break the skin (to break the barriers) by sobsicles (29k)

The first time she meets him, he's nothing more than an almost-missed appointment.

SOBSICLES TATTOO FIC MY BELOVED. dean grieving and getting tattoos and it turns into tattoo therapy. im SO in love with mitzi it’s insane. requires some suspension of disbelief for how long a tattoo takes but it’s an incredible fic and an unparalleled experience. sobsicles does not miss

ascend by quiettewandering (53k)

Something in the world is wrong.

Demon activity is rising where mysterious black substance oozes and unusual ecological events are shaking the world. Dean, grief hanging on his shoulders, restlessly searches for answers that might lead him to the Empty… and to Cas.

But what Chuck wrote can’t be undone. The narrative thread pulls Dean along, forcing him to comply. Because once a story already has an ending, it can’t be rewritten.

Or can it?

SUPER cool concept i liked this a lot i’m pretty sure everyone’s read it already but just in case someone hasn’t you absolutely should

oh sooner or later it all comes down to faith by sobsicles (62k)

Getting used to Heaven is something of a marvel. It ain't perfect, and Dean thinks he'd hate it if it was, which is probably why it isn't.

~~~

"You don't understand," Dean whispers, exhaling shakily. "I know you don't, because even I don't. The instant you were gone, I wanted you back. Cas, I wanted you back. I wanted—I wanted—"

Cas stares at him, searching his face. After a moment, his own face falls slack, eyes widening just so. "Oh," he breathes out.

Dean wants to be furious that Cas has figured it out before he has—whatever it is—but he's not even that surprised. Cas knows him too well, always has, even more than Dean knows himself. He's been kicking Dean in the goddamn teeth with how deeply he understands him, even about the things Dean doesn't, ever since they first met. You don't think you deserve to be saved, that's what Cas had said. All bundled up in impossibilities and power, this being that looked at Dean Winchester and knew every single inch of him, as if he had a right to each part.

"What?" Dean grits out.

"I love you, too."

the ONLY heaven fic. i do not read heaven fics bc i refuse to budge in my finale denialism i refuse to read fic where it is accepted that dean dies. i was hesitant to read this but god im glad i did it was so good. literally the best possible outcome of dean dying

Endverse

final fantasy. by orange_crushed (1.9k)

“If I’d actually been born human, would I have gotten sick like everyone else? Would I be running around gnawing on the neighbors?” Castiel tilts his head up and even from here Dean can see the black ring of his pupils, wide and dark as dead stars. He’s high as fuck and he’s been loading the guns for forty-five minutes. He stares into the space where Dean is. He smiles and shows his teeth. “Maybe you’d have already put a bullet in my head.”

"This is why you don’t lead storytime anymore," Dean says. "This kind of shit."

endverse last night on earth fics are something that can be so personal actually. god

The Last Song by Moorishflower (3.5k)

The very last song is the Song of Solomon, and Castiel sings it only for Dean. Set in "The End."

this is like. pre endverse and the tone is so like. wistful? is the best word ive got? it’s gorgeous i love it but fair warning there is graphic description of like. viscera and infected wounds

to think that we could stay the same by cipherwriter (6.5k)

cas has all he needs; himself, his creation, and enough power to continue this cycle for a long time. he's fine. dean wants to take care of him anyway.

oh my GOD this one is good it’s based off the thing of how originally endverse cas was supposed to be just sitting in a room killing and resurrecting the same cockroach over and over. very bittersweet at some points i love it a lot, do not read it if youre looking for something happy though lmao

the first church at the end of the world by withbloodstainedclothingon (11k)

The angels don’t eat the brain. Only Croats do that.

this one is fucked but it’s incredible it contains very heavy and violent subject matter and cas is an Actual cult leader he doesn’t just have orgies it is SO well done and i had a great time reading it i recommend it very highly if the warnings sound like something you can stomach

Down to Agincourt by seperis (1.1 million. i know. yes it’s a wip)

There is no such thing as a guarantee when it comes to war.

The outcome's known. Why try? Return your rusty sword to battered sheath, bow your head and bend your stubborn knee. Why take the field when you cannot win the war? But Harry -- he went down to Agincourt.

PLEASE. i know the length is intimidating i KNOW it’s a very long fic but please. please read down to agincourt i am begging you. head in my HANDS this series is incredible.

Non Supernatural AUS

Long-Term Relationship by bendingsignpost (2.7k)

Castiel says, budging over to make room for Dean on the couch, “I thought we should have a serious talk about our relationship.”

Reflexively, Dean laughs.

Castiel does not.

“Uh, Cas... you know we’re not dating, right?”

look man it’s bendingsignpost okay. it’s bendingsignpost it’s good and it’s sweet and you should read it

One White Lie by komodobits (11k)

Castiel takes a deep breath and rings the doorbell. He doesn’t need to run through what he’s going to say – he’s already planned and edited and rehearsed it a thousand times. He is going to ask Dean Winchester out to dinner. If it’s not too forward, he’ll say, perfectly charming. You see, I’ve seen you around the neighbourhood and you always seem so earnest and I’d really like to get to know you bette— The door swings open, and Castiel panics.

He intends to excuse himself. He means to apologise and come back some other time. However, in a moment of blind fear, what comes out of his mouth instead are the words, “Could you spare a moment for Jesus Christ?”

do you ever pretend to be a jehovahs witness for months to hang out with the guy you like because you fucked up asking him out? yeah.

separate ways and sleeping dogs by sobsicles (53k)

Dean is three years sober when Cas comes back into town.

~~~

For a moment, they just stare at each other. Dean, once again, has to swallow the urge to offer to swallow something else. It's very hard to resist the gut-wrenching pull of want that hooks in his chest whenever he looks at Cas. And to think, he used to have him, used to be able to act on that want.

God, he's so fucking stupid.

Well, there's no point in kicking himself three years later for shit he can't change. He'll just sit right here and pretend that his fingers aren't twitching with the urge to reach out and touch. He can't do that anymore, and it's his own damn fault.

"Three years ago," Cas prompts.

Dean huffs a weak laugh. "Yeah. Eventful."

this fic hit me SO hard emotionally oh my god. don’t have much to say bc most of my thoughts on this fic are very personal but my god read this please

Everyone’s a Critic by Englandwouldfall (109k)

The one where uninspired chef Dean Winchester has a one night stand with the male (!) food critic who described the flavour of his garlic bread as 'closeted' and accidentally ends up dating him to try and prove that he's a kick ass chef, thank you very much.

(He may have a point about the 'closeted' thing).

this one is SO fun. dating the food critic who called your garlic bread closeted and lying about your career because you’re embarrassed and you want to redeem your food in his eyes but then you fall in love with him

Non Destiel Centric

gender? you mean that thing i have that pisses people off? by bigender dean winchester (homosexualitie) (946 words)

sam and dean paint each other's nails and dean abuses the technicalities of her gender. what more could you want? 

HELLO HE/SHE DEAN COMMUNITY oh my god the pure rush of euphoria reading this. oh my god. oh my god. 

the quiet road to a distant city by rottingbrains (1.2k)

Sam stares out the windshield again. They’re approaching a city, and she can see the lights in the distance. She’s past the danger zone, and she feels like the world around her reflects that in some way she can’t put into words- as if God is telling her that it’s okay. She did the right thing, and soon she will be past the lonely unknown and into the warm, forgiving light of acceptance. Or something. Come to think of it, the lights only look warm from far away, and she knows that the actual city will seem far less welcoming. Still. Best not to imagine the worst when it’s already going well.

required reading for transfem lesbian sam fans. fics that live in your ribcage to make your heart feel good

Four People Ruby Seduced & One She Actually Fell For (Or: Ruby's Epic Love Affair with Humanity in General and Sam in Specific) by tuesday (3.7k)

In which Ruby has a lot of sex, is not any kind of therapist that would be legal, and helps a few people out for her own reasons. (S4/S5 AU)

for everyone out there who enjoys ruby being a girlboss <3

Fractured Link by Trell (orphan_account) (5.5k)

Meg goes on, resolute despite the way Dean flinches, "He likes me. He likes me a lot, and I like him back, and that's probably good enough for both of us. But fuck me for saying so, Dean-o, he loves you, probably more than anything else on his daddy's green Earth, and you need to man up and give back what Clarence over there has been devoting to you for years."

this is meg/dean/cas which is not smth i really seek out but this was extremely good. set in s7 so it’s meg and dean and honey cas and it’s a lot of dean figuring his shit out and trying to forgive cas and i love meg a lot in this

[iliveforyouilongforyouvesuvia]

Heya, could I request a secretly demon MC? They’re using some type of magic to hide their true appearance (basically one like a tiefling from DnD) and have a pact with The Devil, but are now suddenly trying to break it because the M6 gave them some type of hope for their life again?

Before the M6 even discover this, the MC was brash and selfish, also fairly quick to jump to violence (though probably not Vulgora level) and quiet about their past. How would the pieces click into place for them? In case you need any extra info you can just post that mentioning this ask and I’ll try to help

So sorry if requests aren’t open, your blog description says they are but I can’t find if there is a post also saying that so I’m not fully sure. If not feel free to ignore this!

The Arcana HCs: When MC's natural patron is the Devil

~ disclaimer: this request was work shopped a little with my requester, so you'll be seeing some different info in the setting. It was fun chatting with you, new friend, I hope you like these! - brainrot ~

-- some background --

Nobody knew when it was time to go up against the Devil that you were tempted to join him. While you never let on, his voice always spoke the loudest to you in the cards, and you relished the way his cunning nature enabled your own aggressive tendencies. While in the end you were able to work with your lover to preserve Vesuvia, you still feel a little guilt for the way his words continue to provoke you.

Julian

He's not going to judge someone for their past. The way he sees it, you're working with what you've got, and you're doing a fine job. If you're a little aggressive about it, cool

No seriously, he's kind of a fan. He got to watch you kick a rude customer out of your shop once and he still lies awake at night fantasizing about it

Let out some of your aggression with him. Please.

On a less indulgent note, he knows what it's like to have tendencies he's not proud of

It was a little daunting to tell him that it had been tempting to take the Devil's side and not live with any more constraints, and that you still struggle with some guilt about it, but he listened closely

He understands the feeling of guilt for something he didn't do, but still wanted to. He's quick to tell you how he relates to you, and to remind you of the lesson you taught him to live looking forward

Speaking of looking forward, are you sure you want to stay at the shop forever? You're not that well suited to customer service

Just saying, you have the potential to make a fine pirate ...

Asra

They didn't know of your affiliation until it came time to re-teach you magic, and the strong link they saw scared them a little at first

To be clear - he wasn't scared of or disturbed by you. He just knew firsthand what the Devil could be like, and he worried what kind of harm that affiliation might cause to the person he loves so much

It was another reason for them to be so secretive about your abilities - they weren't just waiting for your mind to heal enough to hear about the past, they were waiting for you to be strong enough to navigate a connection like that

He watched you when it came time to bargain with and subsequently trap the Devil, and he is so, so proud of you

Your short temper, aggressive nature, and quickness to violence are a different matter entirely. Everyone has things they struggle to control, that's part of being a person

They've spent years teaching you not to be afraid of or upset by your tendencies

If anything, they love the chance to see you let loose for the right reason. You're stunning when you're in your element

Nadia

You shake things up and she likes it

She's so used to maintaining total control of herself and biting back her immediate responses that your impulsive aggression is hugely refreshing

It's also a nice change when most of the people she interacts with prefer to hide their thoughts and actions as much as possible

Half the time you lose your patience and shout you just end up saying what she was already thinking

She's especially happy to find that you give as good as you get, and that the chances of her doing something you don't like without you letting her know is next to zero

She was able to perceive quite a bit of tension whenever you spoke to the Devil. She could tell how tempting it was for you to join him, and seeing your decision to resist only made her fall harder for you

As a result, she likes to challenge you to see your aggression as a gift instead of as a struggle

Have you considered some form of combat training? Fencing? Wrestling? You have a gift for violence, would you like to join her royal guard?

Muriel

You shake things up and it's better for him than he'd like to admit

If you're too quick to escalate things, he's the type who doesn't escalate even when it would be the appropriate thing to do

It was hard for him to get along with you at first. You remind him a bit too much of Lucio with your quick temper and loud voice, but you have a good heart

He especially saw it when the two of you were training under Morga. He came to recognize courage in your ferocity, and started to question what made a good person a good person

Of course, he didn't appreciate it as much when he was a little too close to your sparring matches and they started to get more aggressive than necessary

He's also quick to help you re-frame your guilt around your connection - you don't think he's a bad person after what he did, why would he think you're bad for what you didn't do?

He does value peace and quiet though, so he usually suggests that you stay in charge of splitting wood and other more violent jobs, just so you have a regular outlet

Portia

You have a short temper? She has a short temper too!

You're quick to throw a punch? So is she!

You two do learn quickly that it's not the best idea to only egg each other on. It doesn't always go well when you keep throwing each other's impulse control out the window every time something happens

You'll eventually perfect the art of taking turns reeling each other in. Though sometimes you play rock-paper-scissors for the chance to demolish an especially annoying person

Being with her takes "partner in crime" to a whole new level

It's a good thing you have both Nadia and Julian willing to smooth things over with their negotiating skills if you both blow up at the same time

She never drew a connection between you and the Devil - you were too busy dealing with her Aunt Tasya

You did one day confess it to her when it was really getting to you

She doesn't think it's any bigger of a deal than you say it is. As far as she's concerned, you are you, and that's who she loves

Lucio

Honestly, it's an ongoing struggle for him not to be jealous of you

You have the same tendencies he does. You have the same affiliation he does. You were even offered a deal without having to seek it out, and he knows for a fact that it was tempting

And yet, you chose to say no

At the same time, it's a whole lot easier to accept help from you because he knows it comes from someone who understands and chooses to love him anyways

He chooses to be inspired by you instead

And he adores your comfort level with combat. You want a fight? He is so down for a fight. Say the word and he'll drop everything for a match

Let's just say that it's a good thing you two are in the career path that you are in, because if you didn't both have the chance to let off steam for a good cause that often it would be a recipe for disaster

Some people get concerned because of how quick you two are to argue with each other, but it actually works pretty well because you both get where the other is coming from and are quick to forgive

[cdroloisms]

the amount of angst in the post-prison writing you did just gave me massive post-prison dream brainrot and i'm just. sitting here thinking about how sam dealt with the curious looks and glances and having to face what's he's done as a warden. and everyone else's reaction to everything because hey, maybe the prison WAS a torture chamber that nobody deserves to be locked in to be treated like utter trash.

(btw i love your writing and analysis! they give me so much life :DD)

thank you anon!! this universe is ,, Fun ,, im ngl -> have this continuation of it, w/ sapnap and sam!! it’s a bit messy but oh well

(edit: i added these two asks as well bc they fit and i thought it’d be a bit redundant to rewrite this scene lmao -> the implication that dream’s admissions abt exile mightve been the result of ,, torture is. uh. yikes.) 

(This one is DARK, please heed the warnings)

TW: PHYSICAL/EMOTIONAL ABUSE (heavy warning for this one), starvation, toxic relationship, manipulation, references to the prison and exile, c!sam/warden!sam critical, violence, blood, dark themes, emotional distress, child abuse, torture

“Be honest,” Sapnap starts, quiet. “What did you do?”

Sam opens his mouth - hesitates, looks away. He should’ve known that his vague words and half-explanations that had been enough to push away most of the crowd - or at least, postpone the conversation for later - wouldn’t have been nearly enough to convince the man standing in front of him, but a part of him must’ve hoped, anyway. He’s not ready to speak, not ready to admit anything to himself, never mind someone else entirely - but ‘ready’ doesn’t matter, not when Sapnap is right here, waiting.

(He ignores how ‘ready’ didn’t matter for Dream when Sam had gone in, that first time, pick in hand and nothing but questions and rage spinning in an endless cycle in his mind, whirling together into something incomprehensible, insatiable, vicious - he’s not thinking about it.

He can’t think about it.)

“Well?” Sapnap’s voice raises, impatience coloring his tone, and it’s almost enough to draw a chuckle to Sam’s lips - he’d always been a little overeager, not doing well with silence, waiting, even as a kid. It’s part of the reason why he got along with Dream so well, Dream jumping at the chance to spend time with someone that didn’t shut him down for rambling and Sapnap simply excited at the chance to have someone that would join him on his hare-brained schemes instead of dismissing him as a dumb kid- and oh. Right.

The scrunch of his face is the same, Sam realizes, absently, as the expression Sapnap had when he was little; it’s the same crease between his eyebrows, the same slight jut to his bottom lip. Even with a new scar decorating his left jaw and the shadows under his eyes and collection of faint wrinkles belying his stress, he doesn’t look all that different - still looks young, a kid playing dress up in armor too big and too war-torn to belong to him. It’s easy to forget, but even after all the wars they’ve fought, even with all of the combat experience he’s had, Sapnap’s still barely twenty - only a few weeks out of being a teenager.

(He crushes the thought of what that makes Dream - he’s not. Thinking. About. It.)

“Hello? Earth to Sam?” Sapnap snaps his fingers in front of his face, and Sam blinks away the memories, the guilt, boxing it up and filing it neatly away to deal with - later. Never, ideally.

“Are you going to answer my question?”

Only later is now, there’s no escaping this conversation, and Sam. Really doesn’t want to be talking about this, right now. Sapnap fidgets, leaning on his right foot and then his left and then rocking back again - the feeling is mutual, then, but he knows the look in the younger’s eye well enough to know that neither of them are leaving without an explanation leaving Sam’s lips.

(Netherite and iron and smoke, bloodstained pickaxe tipping up a gaunt face, hand reaching around a too-prominent jawline with bruising force - are you going to answer my question, prisoner? Or are we going to have to do this again?

He’s not-

He can’t-)

“I-,” guilt, thick and heavy, circles his throat, chokes the words rising in his mouth. What can he even say? Can words really capture the sweat-slick desperation, the bubbling lava and heat and smoke stealing away all breath and thought, leaving nothing but a humming buzz of rage burning, hissing, begging for release? Can he really describe the endless darkness and weight settling on his shoulders, the hard edges and jagged fear taking anything soft, anything kind? Words swim in the back of his throat, try to reach his teeth, fall short; bloodstained memories haunt the back of his eyelids every time he blinks; there is so much, too much, to say, and yet nothing at all.

How does he even start?

There is no sympathy on Sapnap’s face when Sam looks, but there isn’t any cruelty either, just dark, watching eyes, lips thin and pressed together, jaw clamped shut, tense. Indifference, or a pale imitation of it, meant to hide the mess of his hair, the tremble in his hands, the helpless, desperate thing growing in his pupils. Sam understands and wishes he doesn’t; regrets, and wonders if he has the right, anymore.

“It- started, as an interrogation,” Sam stumbles over his words, stares at his hands because looking at Sapnap’s face will be too much, is too much. “I was angry. The prisoner- Dream- was desperate. That cell-” he shakes his head, remembers obsidian in his hands, remembers tearing away carpet, paintings, plants, remembers leaving the box bareboned, desolate, a cage and nothing more, “It messes with you. Screws with your head. I knew it, he knew it, but I guess we didn’t realize- I guess I didn’t realize-”

(Blood and crunching bone and shrill screams - tell me what you did to him-)

“I needed information. He wasn’t talking. I got- heated, and he laughed, and something- snapped, I guess.”

(I’ll tell you I’m sorry please please sam stop please)

“All I had on me was a pickaxe. He wasn’t talking, I was desperate - angry - I needed to know. I didn’t-”

(I just knew I needed to drag him away, he was ruining everything, he was destroying everything, I just needed him to leave before he brought down the whole damn server with him - the tnt was supposed to be a one time thing)

“It was supposed to be- one time. Was never supposed to happen, at all. But I guess I got mad - for me? For Tommy? I don’t- I don’t know, and it was- easy, you know? Take away the clock, one day. Give him less potatoes the next.”

(It was easy to do it again, I guess, mess with his invitations a little, take some of his stuff. There was nobody around but me and him and he’d ruined so much, he’d messed everything up - I thought that maybe if I took away his armor enough, he wouldn’t be able to go back. He wouldn’t ruin everything.)

“He’d done- so much. He was so awful to Tommy, to everyone- I thought I could prevent that. I thought maybe if I broke him enough, he wouldn’t be able to hurt anyone again. I renamed the pickaxe Will Breaker, to remind me, to remind him, I don’t know. I-”

Sam laughs, tired, poisonous, ignoring the way Sapnap whispers, stricken, looking at his hands and seeing nothing but red. Dream’s face, bruised, bloody, but glimmering with something almost like satisfaction comes to mind - and oh. Oh.

(Bloodstained teeth twisted in a bitter smile - Sam, I thought I had to.)

He gets it now. He wishes he didn't.

“I thought- ha-” His hand comes up to his face - he’s crying. When did he start crying? ”I thought I had to.”

[tarantulas4davey]

HELLO BESTIE I am currently having Ralbert Brainrot and you're the best person go come to for this, obviously,, so PLEASE share! I would like to hear about ufc albert or youtuber race, or dancing partners!! I love them smm

HI YES HELLO USING THIS AS AN EXCUSE TO WRITE UFC FIGHTER AL PART 2 THANKS BABES

i just witnessed a literal crime and i’m Feeling The Rage (boxing judges at mma events can catch these hands) so here is. my brain on anger.

also the first half of this is pretty fight-talk heavy but the second half is more al/ralbert central so message me/send me an ask if i don’t explain something well enough <3

here is the ask i sent to @we-are-inevitable (thanks jac i’m in love with you mwah) and here is part 1 for this au if you haven’t read that one yet !!

also,,,,, this is fairly obvious. but trigger warning for violence/physical fighting, as well as blood. (it’s a rough gig y’all fjdhdb) oh and swearing but that’s pretty much just me LMAO

here i am, bein mad and writing ralbert. therapy time with chandler ig

OK SO

this is after his debut. duh. continuation

i think he’s probably 5 fights in with 5 wins. he’s been running people through, especially with four full camps after a short notice start, and he’s never even seen a decision in the ufc

let’s just say the hype train is moving FAST and it’s moving LOUD

everyone has to have those people that watch their fights just to see them lose, on top of the majority male fan base that have to have a little bit of toxic masculinity and homophobia in there

so there’s A LOT of people that are waiting for him and his hype train to get derailed. but there’s also a fair amount of fans, so you win some you lose some (the way i would die to see this be a real fighter pls)

now albert’s not always the most confident guy, and he’s never been cocky, but none of this shit gets to him. he’s got his coaches, he’s got his friends and he’s got race behind him. he knows he’s got the skills, and he’s got his support system, so who gives a shit what a bunch of cowards on the internet have to say?

and then they put him against someone known for his grappling and stamina. and the “it’s a wrap for dasilva!” bandwagon starts. it happens every time a rising striker and early knockout artist fights a well known grappler with any semblance of later round power (even if al has a background in wrestling and has gone 5 rounds and won outside of the ufc. it’s a bandwagon for a reason)

and it’s not Upsetting, it’s not really getting into his head in any way that’ll make him do worse, but it’s kinda pissing him off. which is bad for his opponent

the last person on earth you want to be fighting is an annoyed albert dasilva who thinks he has something to prove

he works his ass off in camp, and the press tour is a self-assured albert vs. a loudmouth who thinks he’s hot shit cause a few people on twitter think he’ll sweep

and, to be completely honest? it’s starting to look that way 2 rounds in.

it’s a 5 round fight, co-main event on a big card, and so far all al’s opponent has done is pinned him to the cage and kept him there. a few strikes worth anything - at least enough make al’s cheek bleed, no takedowns, which would at least give him some activity, and so submission attempts, so he can’t even gain any ground that way. he’s just- Stuck. and if THIS is how he loses, he’s gonna be pissed

the bell for the second round sounds, and you can actually see al’s chest heaving on camera as he walks to his corner - not because he’s tired or out of breath, but because he’s MAD, and fuck if he’s not going to do something about it

not only that, but he can not only see race and jack standing up by the cage - plus race’s expression, which is slightly annoyed and super anxious, which hurts his chest to think about - but he can hear them too

jack is yelling profanities, as per usual. he doesn’t that regardless of how the fight is going, but it’s less encouraging when you’re the one losing.

race though,,,, race isn’t really yelling, he’s more talking to himself than anything, but he’s close enough to cage and al knows him well enough to figure out what he’s saying. and if the muttered almost-prayers while he paces back and forth weren’t enough, the shiny gold engagement ring on race’s hand definitely is

round 3,,,, let’s just say it goes a little differently than the first 2 had gone.

he opens with a spinning back kick, of all fucking things, and that truly sets the pace

he’s the taller guy by a few inches, like usual, which makes his arms longer. the only reason crushing his against the cage worked is cause the guy he’s fighting cuts weight like a wrestler, so he’s easily got 20 pounds on albert come fight night

but once he finds his rhythm and starts throwing, he starts connecting too. he manages to stay out of range of his opponent and stay his comfortable distance to start t-ing off

this isn’t a one punch power ending. this isn’t a beautiful head kick, or a giant knee, or even just a clean right hook.

this is albert, who’s arms are starting to feel the 3rd round a little bit, hitting this guy with everything he has cause he refuses to lose this fight.

i mean- everyone watched him get up at the start of the round with a set jaw and a scary determined glint in his eye. he’s not a person you fuck with, and he’s definitely not a person you publicly ridicule before being locked in a cage to fight with

the guy he’s fighting is absolutely battered, but he manages to survive until round 4. the first of the championship rounds, something al’s never seen in a ufc fight before, and it feels like the arena is holding its breath

so when al comes out and does the same thing as round 3 to better results - fight ending results - everyone’s a little shocked, honestly

the commentary team’s in disbelief, cause albert is NOT a slow starter, regardless of what this fight would tell you, and the fact he managed a win at all, let alone such a phenomenal one, is fucking astounding

he gets his hand raised, obviously, but the really interesting part is the post fight interview

“albert, man, what changed between round 2 and 3? what second gear did you find?”

“bro, i just— it was pissing me off, honestly. i don’t come in here to get pinned down for 25 minutes. and, y’know, my team gave me good advice. i had all the pieces, straight from the jump, someone just had to force me to put them in place…”

and then he looks over at race, who gives al one of those half grin, half smirks and winks at him, and al just chuckles to himself and finishes answering the question

“the thing that really forced my hand is race. i won’t get cheesy on you, but watching someone who loves and supports you through everything panic cause he’s scared for you - it’s a big motivator. everyone would figure out a lot more of my motivations if they went and watched race’s expressions back instead of whatever the hell i’m doing in here. he’s always been the brains, i’m just the brawn.”

and that’s a better answer than anyone was expecting, plus he’s just had the fight of a lifetime that’s probably earned him a title shot, so he’s done soon after that and gets to have his little in-cage celebration

he hugs his team and jack, who razzes him a little bit as per usual, and makes some dumb quip about going over tapes later like he’s a coach. and then comes race

he hugs him, all tender and cute and also very sweaty cause That’s How It Works, and the camera’s focused on him, so they can tell they’re whispering back and forth. but there’s no mics on them, so what’s said is missed entirely on the audience, but it’s their usual cheesy, in love mess

“congrats, baby. i’m proud of you.”

“oh please. it was 90% you anyway. i meant what i said, it wasn’t just for the cameras.”

“i know that. i’m gonna have to get you back somehow for telling everyone to go back and watch my awful anxious expression. i’ll think of something.”

“i’m sure you will, sweetheart.”

and then al does that awful, adorable lil nose bump thing, and then kisses race. and then jack covers his eyes and whines until they stop like the actual 12 year old boy he is inside

and then they leave the octagon, race and al holding hands, and al throws his arm over jack’s shoulder and shoves his head down and pushes him, cause even though he was just in a literal cage match he’s still a roughhousing teenager at heart

and he’s got interviews and press shit that separates him from his people, and he’s gotta slide that bulletproof mask back down over all the happy and in love shit he’s feeling so he can not smile like an idiot on camera constantly

but every once in awhile he’ll catch jack giving him the finger and laugh before returning it below view of the camera

or he’ll catch race’s eye from where he’s standing behind all the studio lights and do a little wave under the camera and return the wink from earlier, and the unbothered fighter facade will crack a little bit

but he’s not completely convinced that’s such a bad thing

GOD THIS POST IS SO MUCH LONGER THEN I MEANT IT TO BE IM SORRY

but Yeah. Them.

i love this au a helleva lot more than i should but that’s Fine cause i’ve got thoughts for days on it

[eterni-ki-moved]

i got tagged by @pyroklutz thanks for the tag firey :D

1. why did you choose your url?

ngl it just randomly popped into my mind when i was helping @gyuville come up with a url. and then i made a carrd that fit the mari-kigold url so i used it!

2. any side blogs? if you have them name them and why you have them.

i have 7. how i can handle them all, i dunno

@inaccurate-enhypen for incorrect enhypen (its dead af)

@into-the-incorrect-iland for incorrect i-land (this one’s prolly deader)

@yang-cinnamowon for enhypen/i-land moodboards and edits and stuff (atm the only sideblog i’m regularly active on)

@drunk-dawn for enhypen theories (i haven’t made any in a while but shh-)

@euijewels for i-land members + justb (i’m gonna change my layout to either geonu or jimin because the ej one is pissing me off slightly)

i have a blog for vents (won’t put the tag) and a blog for my seon brainrots (it’s a mess there, you don’t wanna see it)

3. how long have you been on tumblr?

for 10 months (love, love)! i have something planned for my 1 year anniversary hehe

4. do you have a queue tag?

i have four

q: cinnamonwon spam for when i rb from my sideblog, q: artzy is a lil shit for when i was being a lil bitch (proud) and making sure everyone on the dash saw joy’s fever!hee set, q: u underestimated my reblogging power for if someone underestimates the power of my reblogging and q: spam for my frens if my friends need recognition for their content!

5. why did you start your blog in the first place?

i started it for i-land because i felt more comfortable joining tumblr as opposed to twitter or smth

6. why did you choose your icon/pfp?

it’s nishimura riki how could i not?

7. why did you choose your header?

i don’t have a header

8. what's your post with the most notes?

my post about fever and flicker rarely getting any recognition (its outdated now lmao)  and also my enhypen friend group post (i’m still not over how EVERYONE agreed that it was accurate)

9. how many mutuals do you have?

over 200--

10. how many followers do you have?

413. why-

11. how many people do you follow?

606 people

12. have you ever made a shitpost?

the REAL question is, when have i not?

13. how often do you use tumblr each day?

too often, i’m on it way too much

14. did you have a fight/argument with another blog once? who won?

i try to stay away from discourse because 1) stressful and 2) i’ll probably lose

15. how do you feel about ‘you need to reblog this’ posts?

i dislike them, and i’m gonna be reblogging them less like the ones that say “if you don’t reblog this you’re a terrible person” and the superstitious ones like “reblog this or else you’ll be cursed with bad luck forever.” some of those posts can make users anxious, and if i do reblog a superstitious post, i’ll tag it “superstitious rb” (i keep mispelling it im sorry)

16. do you like tag games?

yes!

17. do you like ask games?

yes ofc, i love to answer them! i kinda wish i got more of them but what to do lmao

18. which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous?

@pyroklutz @dads-back-from-the-store @ ALL the kpop gif/gfx creators

19. do you have a crush on a mutual?

yes but shhhhhhh

20. tags?

uhm... @arsonist-twink @many-gay-magpies @just-a-demi-bean @midnightswordsdance @gyuville @gyukai @little-cold-hands @yrsun and anyone that wants to do this!

[vagarius]

misukazu 21

(if you saw me fuck up the other one no you didnt)

EDIT I THINK THIS ONE GOT A LITTLE FUCKED UP TOO BUT IT’S... READABLE...

questions from this post, and answers originally written for this thread!!

If you had to change the pairing’s very first meeting, how would you change it?    their canon first meeting is already so good SHDGFLJASHG but if i had to choose a different one that's still within the context of mankai... meeting as kids and losing touch and coming back together completely different at mankai

What song fits your pairing the most?    uhhHHhhHHH i don't have a real answer but i do have a partial playlist for one of my misukazu aus and the only two songs in it are furaregai girl by sayuri and champagne's for celebrating by mayday parade and i feel like that says enough sldhgalsdhfalsh

What is your favorite AU/prompt idea/trope for your pairing?     ALL MISUKAZU AUS ARE GOOD but. i really love any au where their first meeting is in the future and both are still kind of lost but they're Older and it's hard to let themselves fall into the easy trust they find in canon. i just think that'd be neat.

Do you prefer canon ideas or do you have your own headcanons for them?     I'VE SAID THIS MANY TIMES BUT CANON MISUKAZU GIVES OFF MADE FOR EACH OTHER VIBES AND USUALLY I DON'T VIBE WITH THAT BUT THEY REALLY ARE WHAT THE OTHER NEEDS... AND I THINK EVEN IF THEY HAD TO PART THEY'D STILL BE ABLE TO BE BETTER PEOPLE BC THEY HAD MET

Favorite canon moment of them?     THERE ARE SO MANY but the one that immediately comes to mind is misumi carrying drunk kazu to bed (latest bday line) because drunk kazu is so soft and it implies that misumi wanted to wish happy birthday to kazu pretty late... what did he want to give him...

Least favorite canon moment of them?     hmm... there's not really one i can think of??? IM SORRY I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY I LOVE ALL THEIR CANON MOMENTS

Favorite headcanon trope/idea? (Your own or someone else’s)    this is somehow both vague and very specific but i think misukazu gives off this vibe: He's beautiful. I can't tell him. or "Kazu is always beautiful~" Don't call me that, Kazu thinks. I'm not. so... insecurities i guess ????? AJSHAJJD

Favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics?     THIS IS GOING TO SOUND SO CHEESY but i love how /real/ they allow themselves to be around each other. misukazu at their best is when one thinks "you're you. and i love that you" and the other knows this. i just. THEY VALIDATE THE OTHER SO MUCH CRIES

Least favorite aspect of them/their relationship dynamics? (Can be headcannon)     this isn't a "least fav" so much as "it makes me sad" but if either of them showed any sign of not being interested anymore the other is more likely to give up then push anything. sort of like "it was bound to happen, so i'll enjoy now until they drop me" or EVEN WORSE they think the other would be better off without them and pushes them away. so yeah the fact i can see one of these happening makes me sad.

If they aren’t a canon pairing, how would you get them together?     they give off "everyone knows we're dating but us" energy but at the same time i feel like they'd acknowledge there's something and just not define it bc a) they don't need to (misumi) or b) they're too nervous to (kazu). in other words i think one day they are holding hands and misumi says "kazu? is this dating?" and kazu holds his breath before asking "do you want it to be?"

If you had to take them and plunk them into another fandom, what fandom would that be? Why?     i think theyd be hilarious in any sports animanga (kazu is manager tho bc noodle arms but maybe they bond when misumi walks him through some of his usual training menu one night - ahem. anyway) BUT ALSO horimiya au...

How hard is it write/draw your pairing? Scale of 1-10.     AJDHAJDHSF I REALLY LOVE THEM SO IT COMES PRETTY EASILY... but sometimes you try to put them in tropes and realize they would Just Not Work Like That. idk where i'm going with this. but yeah. anyway 3 for sankaku.

Is there a pairing that you think rivals them?     in terms of what i ship, i tend to ship kazu and misumi individually with a lot of dif charas AJDHAKD. but in terms of like... in-universe "rival" pairings: kazu side: tsuzukazu (maybe, lbr it would take them 273924 yrs to actually get together), kazu x someone from winter (i... have my reasons but they'd take longer than what this answer entails) misumi side: ... surprisingly none that i can think of ahdjahd

Which character of the pairing do you like more? (Would you ever pair yourself with them?)     you know that tweet that's like "sometimes a ship is just your two favs"? yeah that's misukazu for me. but if i had to choose... misumi AJDHAJHDSF I HONESTLY WASNT THAT INTO YUME UNTIL THESE TWO CAME AROUND (NOT COUNTING 707)... but yeah if they wanted to hold me in their arms i wouldn't oppose

Which character of your pairing would be the one to break up with the other? Why?     OOOOOH BOY well. i think it could be either of them. i don't think they'd break up for lack of love but too much love and wanting the other to be happy and thinking that the only way to give them that is to let them go. so i guess the question is which of them would be more likely to be selfish and hold on. thinking this way, i think misumi would be more likely to break-up, bc kazu has lots of friends who are better than him!! and misumi is more ready to leave if he thinks he needs to than kazu is. now im sad.

Are they relatable as characters or as a pairing?     THE NUMBER OF TIMES I'VE BEEN CALLED KAZU KIN... in all seriousness kazu's struggles with speaking out and (shinobi spoilers) his uncertainty over his future hit real close to home... while i don't relate as much as misumi, his struggles always manage to tear my heart into pieces... ((oversharing alert) i guess what really separates me from misumi is his struggle with his desire to connect with family who has treated him poorly... whereas im more "lol fuck you") tldr i relate to kazu slightly more LOL

Did you once/ever dislike one/both of them?     i never disliked them but i was NOT expecting either of them to shoot up so quickly into my favs list ahdjahdjf. also i started shipping them Immediately After reading summer main story so there's that

On an estimate, how many posts have you made about them?    as of september 28th 2020 i make up 11/78 fics on ao3 in the romantic misukazu tag and 2/12 in the platonic one. i may have brainrot.

What made you decide to ship them?     TBH I FINISHED THE MAIN STORY AND WENT "OH MY GOD... THAT'S MY SHIP" but now that i'm here i continue to ship them because they have the potential to bring out both the best and the worst in each other and i'm all about that

Favorite genre for them? (Angst, fluff, etc.)     angst. i just. angst hurt/comfort all the way. im so sorry babies.

lol you thought there would just be 21 ANYWAY EXTRA 1: how do they spend breaks/vacation?    they'd travel a lot when they're older!! kazunari loves to travel and misumi would follow kazunari anywhere (also, new triangles!!) so they go somewhere new whenever they have the time. however i think eventually one or both of their future careers will take them anywhere and everywhere anyway, so their "ideal vacation" might turn into an evening in, cuddling and catching up (as if they didn't already send play-by-play updates over the phone of whatever they did during the day)

EXTRA 2: first date?     i don't they ever have an explicit first date, but if asked they'll cite the time they had a picnic in the park turned triangle hunt turned accidental dip in the duck pond. at least, kazunari will. misumi just tilts his head and wonders what you mean.

EXTRA 3: gifts?     IM FEELING REALLY CHEESY SO I'M MAKING THIS ABOUT ANNIVERSARY GIFTS they both end up getting each other jewelry (although kazu was really really nervous bc he wasn't sure if misumi would wear it). kazu gets misumi a bracelet (with triangles, of course although misumi only wears it sometimes because he doesn't want to lose it) and misumi gets kazu a pair of triangle earrings "so we can match!" and kazunari combusts at the implications

EXTRA 4: sharing clothes     THEY'RE ACTUALLY AROUND THE SAME SIZE (and tend to wear baggier stuff barring kazu's skinny jeans)... but they have completely different Styles so it's still really obvious when steal each other's stuff ahdjajdkaf. as cute as kazu would look in sumi's sweatshirt i think the much more likely scenario is kazu wrapping misumi in his jackets because this boy nEVER BRINGS HIS ANYWHERE anyway just. accidental shared wardrobe misukazu.

EXTRA 5: lake house au    consider: kazunari living in a house on the shore of a lake for a summer for Art Purposes (and a little bit for Dealing With Life purposes but he's not gonna admit that) and meets his lake neighbor misumi who kazu thinks might be a ghost or spirit for a while but he actually just lives further down the lake and misumi unknowingly helps kazu with his Life Issues and maybe they fall in love

[umishiqu]

Scarabia chapter is over and I’m screaming at everything rn hold on-

(sorry if I’m stuffing this rant down anyone’s throat, because I’m realizing people get annoyed with it and I’m sorry but,, scarabia brainrot ;;;...)

(spoilers for chapter 4 under the cut!)

Sad there’s no magic carpet :,( but oasis maker saves the day!! Still mysterious as ever as to why oasis maker is called a blessing other than um. Being a blessing to the Country of Hot Sands. But yes Azul enjoys it! (if you wanna hear me rant about oasis maker pwease dm cause I,, now have some thoughts and I can’t keep my mouth shut ;;...)

Also no mention of kidnapping happenings or poisoning in post-OB backstory but that means slow burn character development for Kalim possibly later on, so I’ll take it

Also Kalim’s guilt kills me on the inside :,,( guy says that he has anemia, but I’m wondering if that’s acc just Jamil giving him an excuse for his hypnosis. Mainly cause he himself says that he’s not bad at PE, which he really would be bad at PE if he really did have anemia,, but the anemia could explain a lot other things, other than that little tidbit,, either way, that means, again, slow burn character development! (But just,, his voice wavers, and how he says that Jamil can have the dorm leader position and Kalim will just go home is just,, Jamil you couldn’t talk to Kalim at all about this? Really?)

And scarabia duo is still killing me on the inside :,,,( Jamil wanted revenge cause of how he had to be below Kalim all the time and couldn’t objectify his hate to anyone but Kalim, but he also couldn’t sincerely hate Kalim for everything he is esp. when he’s the one who’s been encouraging him at all, all their time together. Jamil also loves his family apparently but in the way that he doesn’t like what they make him do but he also realizes that his parents are in the same position as him (hence why he screams, in his fit of anger, how he’s gonna free both him and his family). The only other person I can see that he personally hates but has to deal with is Crowley. I literally just see Jamil as a stubborn, kind of selfish tsundere,, Do I like Jamil more than I did before? I mean a lot of what I personally thought about him (not standing out so that Kalim is above him, having to adhere to tradition and such) was basically confirmed with the recent chapter.

But coming personally on my thoughts on Jamil cause he’s a contradictory character rn in the discord,, he is really really easy to sympathize and relate with, esp if you compare him to the less-realistic-outlook-on-life Kalim from Scarabia. And Kalim’s banquet fevers aren’t easy to deal with. My younger brother who gets more credit than me in,, literally everything drags me to play around on electronics sometimes and usually I just wanna sleep, but I can’t and usually just l just give up when playing with him cause I should look like he’s winning (fun thing is that he’s 2 1/2 years younger than me, and also a lot taller than me). I have to let him throw punches at me and when I do one little thing like tell him to stop, it’s into the dark room with me. So I can appreciate Jamil’s stubbornness for his plans and ideals to overthrow Kalim, esp cause I was more or less conditioned to be helpful to other people. Not that I’m complaining because beig helpful to others is something that I’ve noticed rewards you in a good way,,

With all that being said,, the way he acted and went about with this crossed a lot of lines. At first, I thought the reason why he would hypnotize Kalim so that Jamil could become dorm leader + the other stuff mentioned above is so that Kalim can be seen as having a personality/morale worse than him. Or at least, less cheerful. But then Jamil goes in and with Kalim’s happy personality, cheers up everyone and helps them wth their troubles while in the oasis. And I’m here and I’m just,, if you hate him for that personality so much why do something like that?? (He can’t admit that’s what people acc like about Kalim, and he decides to take one of his few positive qualities that gets people attached to Kalim and just,, wreck it. I was,, very very mad, but I didn’t rant about it cause I knew I’d yell unreasonably in the discord chat.) Revealed at the end, Jamil literally doesn’t want to be friends with anyone and I’m just,, sigh. And also,, the students only agreed with Jamil that Kalim was an incompetent dorm leader after Jamil hypnotized Kalim into doing all those things, not before. Before? They acc loved Kalim because of how kind and gentle and thoughtful he was to others, even though he can be kind of hopeless and random and a bit irresponsible to them sometimes. And these were all qualities that Jamil apparently hated, not because they were anything bad that’s supposed to be a front for secretly mocking everyone, but because he personally was confused as to why Kalim’s so freakin carefree as a character when Jamil himself isn’t. (As Azul said, it’s very easy for people to become envious of Kalim, and that’s already confirmed with how quickly the Scarabia dormmates’ opinion changed of Kalim after he takes them out to march to the oasis and after Jamil keeps mentioning the Asim family.)

Jamil’s had 17 years to harbour resentment against Kalim, but he’s also had 17 years to truthfully bond with Kalim, which he decided not to do because again. Stubborn. That’s why I can’t really say that Jamil’s just made one mistake (which was the entirety of scarabia chapter), especially the little hint drop that Jamil’s been hypnotizing Kalim even while they were younger and used anemia as an excuse for Kalim’s drowsiness. Anyway, the fact that Jamil’s been the one teaching Kalim magic, but even he didn’t know Kalim could summon a river and was genuinely surprised for a bit says a lot about how much of Kalim he can’t read, which he also mentions in his personal stories that Kalim is unpredictable. And fact is that Kalim can read Jamil’s emotions like an open-book, but couldn’t connect the dots until after he realizes how much Jamil’s hated him says something too. And when I say “realizes”, I mean “chooses not to ignore” how much Jamil’s hated him. Like,, it’s not like Jamil sleep-talked his backstory to Kalim while he’s passed out. Nor does anyone acc see the backstory except for the viewers + Jamil. And this can explain why Kalim didn’t really change how he interacts with Jamil at the end, if he knew the hate was coming but just didn’t want to acknowledge it. Then again, he does have limitless optimism here so there’s that.

But,, we’re talking about the only person Kalim’s ever trusted at all, betraying him and going off in one of the worse ways possible. I’m with the tweels here, I’m a bit mad because after what Jamil did, Kalim had no excuse to not get angry with him. He didn’t even get to punch him smh, but he did call him traitor so babey steps. Octavinelle teaching Kalim to be a little more harsher has me very very happy. (But miscommunication is strong in Scarabia, and with slow burn character development, I can see Kalim getting gradually more and more self-destructive poison anyone? chapter 5? and internally cynical and Jamil gradually regretting the time lost between them because, also according to the end of Scarabia, he doesn’t really mind an optimistic Kalim because like Kalim only had Jamil, Jamil really only has Kalim now after the tomfoolery he pulled in this chapter.)

So do I like Jamil more now than I did before? Kind of,. I had hopes for Scarabia (I’m sure a lot of people did with all the hyper analysis we did :p) But,, Jamil literally just got me angry this whole chapter. The backstory was nice, and Kalim praising Jamil and Jamil telling Kalim to stop (the way he screams ;;..) everytime gets me going. But esp with that piece of information, hating and blaming Kalim over something neither of them could change just,, recked them both. I can’t blame Jamil for building up resentment, but I can’t blame Kalim either for wanting to believe they were friends because he was trying to make the most out of their situation. Until Kalim realized the only way to do that was to just tell Jamil to stop being his servant and start off as equals to be true friends now. To which Jamil says no to the second notion profusely, but he also implies he’d rather be with Kalim than wth Azul, so. No more master/servant dynamics. And the ending was written off so sloppily but I think it was supposed to leave Jamil’s true feelings about Kalim end off on an ambiguous note imo. Again, sloppy, but sure.

Kalijami/Jamikali just seems really really toxic to me now, and I figured it would end up like that which is why I ended up reading other Scarabia ships (very into flokali and kaliver rn :p). I don’t usually see Japanese media fleshing out happy characters all too much, but with Kalim as literal Scarabia poster boy even tho he doesn’t represent the villain, I can see what direction they’ll take to develop Kalim now. Hopefully not how they developed Soma. (Ofc I wanted overblot!Kalim but,, I’m personally glad they didn’t do it rn, y’know? And the fact that we didn’t get introduced to an RSA counterpart for Scarabia at all has me,, thinking some things now...)

...dm if you want me to rant about oasis maker and rsa cause please I need to feed someone ;0;