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thewulf · 1 year

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At Odds || James "Bucky" Barnes

Request: hii!! Can you write an enemies to lovers with Bucky x fm reader? They hate each other with everything inside of them (you can make up a reason) and they hate being put together on missions because they don’t get along well but they’re fighting skills are similar so they get paired at times. They’re on a mission to infiltrate a hydra base and Bucky doesn’t know the reader is also from hydra and she starts getting flashbacks bc she has just escaped, maybe a couple years ago. While fighting she gets shot in the stomach and is about to pass out so Bucky has to save her and take her to a safe house to attend to her wound. Super angsty pls.

A/N: Timeline is a little wonky (sorry haven’t watched early avengers in so long) so just role with it. Changed a few things around to make it work! Sorry this took so long, hope you guys enjoy!

Pairing: Bucky Barnes X Reader

Word Count: 5,700+

Naivety. That’s what got you into the forsaken mess that you found yourself in. Sold a bill of goods that you would never receive. They promised you that they were the good guys. They even showed you that they were the good guys. That you would be saving the world. They were supposed to be the people that would save the world. Until you learned they weren’t. Until it was too fucking late. No longer you. You were a freak. A half human. A super soldier. Reduced to a fucking weapon.

They weren’t supposed to make anymore. Bucky was supposed to be the last. But once S.H.I.E.L.D. went down and the mask fell off you learned. You were one of five new weapons for them. They learned from Bucky and ‘corrected their mistakes’, whatever that means. You trained to become an assassin for the worst people in the world. Once the facade was exposed and the bricks started to crack you knew you had to run. To get so far away from them that they’d never find you.

It was difficult faking it while you formulated a plan. You still had to present yourself as a loyal agent that’d do anything they asked. You still had to be their super soldier, or they’d put a bullet right between your eyes. They made sure that you knew this.

Keep reading

It wasn’t easy escaping, but you managed. You decided that it was best to go as unseen as possible, leaving in the middle of the night. Only having to neutralize a few Hydra agents you managed to slip out a side door. You had prepared for that. Taking night missions and scoping out the base when you could. What you weren’t prepared for was the trek you were about to go on.

Not having a clue where you were other than being in some underground bunker in the middle of a mountain range you began your journey. Quickly, you learned that you’d ended up in the Swiss Alps at Hydras headquarters. They’d kept you in the dark for so long it shouldn’t have surprised you this was where you’d ended up. There were spans of time you couldn’t remember and account for, why should it be so surprising that you were moved at some point.

You walked and walked for what seemed like forever. Hiding in empty homes and scavenging your way. You’d landed in a small town just south of Munich deciding this would be the best place to land. Keeping your cover low you quietly learned German trying to integrate yourself in. You thought you were good and safe there until you were approached by S.H.I.E.L.D. only a year into your hiding.

They brought you back to America, at your request, and dug into everything. You drew maps and gave them all the details you could remember. One perk of being a super freak is having a super freak mind. You remembered a whole lot that you hoped could take these evil people down.

They had offered you a spot on The Avengers which you turned down. You had forgotten how fucking nice it was to just be normal for a while. That year long sabbatical really changed the way you thought about life. Spending god knows how long trapped with Hydra really put things into perspective.

You were approached again after another year. This time Nick Fury himself showed up at your front door practically begging you to join the cause. They were planning on infiltrating their headquarters and needed you for it. Apparently, it was life or death. So, you agreed, it’d be good to go home anyway. America was such a distant place for you now that you’d lived a completely different life.

They brought you to compound in upstate New York. Your room was better than any room you’d ever lived in. As you laid down in your bed you realized this wouldn’t be so bad after all. Sure, you’d have to go back to that horrific place but at least you’d have backup with you. You had a chance to change your story. To be the actual hero for once. It didn’t take much convincing on S.H.I.E.L.D.’s part, you needed it. You needed that God damn satisfaction of helping instead of hurting. If your life was cursed, then you needed to do some good. To hopefully fix whatever evil you had brought to the world.

Steve volunteered to walk you around the complex so you wouldn’t get lost. Not that you minded, he was very great to look at. Another awful thing about Hydra? There was no eye candy. Everyone was fucked up. This was a very nice change for you.

“How’d you guys find me?” You asked breaking the comfortable silence between the two of you. He had shown you the kitchen and you were making your way through some hallways before he decided to answer you.

“Bruce did. Don’t ask me how but he’s got some radiation detector thing that does whatever it does.”

You didn’t try and stop the laugh the bubbled up, “Not really the sciency type? Whose Bruce?”

He shook his head, “Not at all.” He smiled continuing to lead you down a few more hallways, “We’ll stop by his lab to say hello. The Hulk. Big green guy.”

“The Hulk?” Tilting your head, you looked up at him, “He’s here? This place is so damn cool.” You’d read up on The Avengers. Hell, you were even slated to take one of them out before you managed to escape. The Hawkeye or some shit.

“Yeah. He’s usually here. Tony comes and goes, I usually stay here, Nat and Clint are never here unless its for a mission. You might even get to meet Thor at some point.”

“He’s real? No fucking way.” Eyes bugging you had a hard time believing him. All of the information Hydra wanted to feed you never included what was happening in the real world. You were immersed in a world of total propaganda the second you signed your name of the dotted line. Your sole purpose in this world, to Hydra, was to be their weapon. A weapon didn’t need to know what was going on outside. Having that weapon actually know what was going on might make that weapon flip. And that’s exactly what you did.

You broke through the hellish layers of propaganda one day when you were ordered to execute a little girl. An innocent little girl who happened to be the child of a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent that Hydra was trying to break. He apparently held the key to something they needed. You made it all the way to the site and couldn’t do it. She was six years old playing with one of her dolls. You watched as she had a tea party with all her stuffed animals. Sitting there watching her through the windows of the quaint little house in the countryside. You watched as she ran out to go play with her brother. Her mom seemingly preoccupied with making dinner that night.

You were once that little girl. You once had a family just like that. You could have a life just like that but here you were sitting at a window watching and observing. That’s all it took. Dropping your comms, you rushed to the front door knocking rapidly. The mom answered, horrified when she realized you weren’t one of the good guys. The sheer look of absolute terror coming from her broke you. It broke your training. Your propagandized mind was slipping. You told her everything. That they needed to stage their daughter’s death. That if they didn’t you would have to come back and do the job for real next time.

She listened. God bless her soul. She listened and faked her daughter’s death. Hydra didn’t know. S.H.I.E.L.D. sure as hell knew. That was the day everything changed for you. The day you knew you needed to escape. The day you knew you had to put on the greatest show you could. You were going to be the most perfect super soldier until you figured out how in the hell to get out. And that’s exactly what you did. They didn’t suspect a damn thing. Oh, you would pay big money to see the look on their faces that morning you went missing.

The two of you talked to Bruce for a while before he continued the tour of the compound. Eventually you ended in the living room area where you ran into someone you hadn’t seen before. Someone who seemed terribly familiar.

“Bucky.” Steve nodded to the man dressed in all black.

“What’s she doing here?” Bucky pulled Steve off to the side leaving you on your own momentarily.

Of course, you could hear everything. Your stupid hearing being incredible and everything. You sat back into the couch listening in. Might as well use this ‘gift’ as an advantage.

“We told you. She’s here to help. She just got out and it’s been years since you’ve been there…”

Bucky seemingly interrupted Steve as his voice cut in, “I don’t fucking need help. You know it. Fury knows it. This whole God damn team knows it.” He sounded pissed. Was he Hydra too? He sounded like it.

“Stop being so stubborn Bucky! You haven’t been there in years. Things change.”

“She can’t be trusted.”

Frowning you understood why he didn’t trust you. He was definitely Hydra. The famous super solider The Avengers have been hiding. It was hard to trust once you left that place. They broke you down so far you weren’t sure if you could ever build that feeling back up.

“Why? She left there just like you did.” Steve challenged.

“She just can’t!” He yelled making you jump right out of your seat, out of your composed demeanor. Fuck Hydra. Any loud noise and you were ready fight. Fight or flight was engrained into you.

Slowly you made your way back over to them only to earn a nasty glance from the long-haired man. Shooting Steve one last scowl he made sure to hit your shoulder when he left the room.

“Ouch.” You glared at the back of the man that was walking away, “What’s his fucking problem?” Crossing your hands over your chest you turned back towards Steve.

“That’s just Bucky.” Steve gave you a small half formed smile. Pursing your lips, you eyed him with a harsher look than you really should’ve, not really believing the words that came out of his mouth. Even if that was just Bucky it seemed personal.

“And you just deal with that?”

Steve sighed taking a seat at a bar stool, “He’s difficult with new people?”

“Are you asking me or telling me?”

He sighed not sure how to respond. Admittedly Steve wasn’t good at this people stuff. He was good at the fighting and saving people stuff. Not the trying to keep everybody on good terms in the team kind of guy. But he had to try. He knew Bucky needed you on the mission, “He’s just not a people person.”

“Wow,” You laughed harshly, not finding the situation funny in the slightest, “He’s a great person to have on a team then!”

Steve really didn’t know how to respond now. You walked into this place with the utmost confidence. Challenging not only him but everybody in this building. You were confident but not arrogant. Questioning the status quo that Bucky needed to latch onto. He wasn’t good with change. He was good with constants. And you were a change. A big change.

“He’s difficult. You’ll get used to him.” Steve nodded awkwardly, almost as if he wasn’t believing what he was saying.

And boy was that the understatement of the year. Bucky despised you. Not even sure what you did to get him so worked up all the time you just opted on ignoring the dude. It was easier to just pretend he wasn’t there than to try and get him to talk to you. Every single interaction with the man got harder and harder. You tried talking with Bruce and Natasha about it, but they were also at a loss. Even Steve couldn’t seem to figure it out.

Days turned to weeks turned to months and you turned to hate him to. If you couldn’t get a reason from him then you sure as shit didn’t need one then either. Every time the two of you were in the same room some stupid fucking fight had to occur. Sometimes he got the better of you and sometimes you got the better of him. Two super soldiers that hated each other for no apparent reason.

You went on missions together and learned that you fought nearly identically. Not a huge shock considering you were trained by the same supposed masterminds. Often being paired up because it worked the two of you just seemed to click on the battlefield, always coming up with a win. Holy hell did you two hate it though. Every second flying into the mission was met with complaining and nasty looks. Every moment flying home was met with criticisms and complaints about how you fought.

It was exhausting. He was pushing you further than fucking Hydra had just by his measly ass words. You wish you could let them roll off you like you had prior, but you couldn’t. Because of course you couldn’t. You took every fucking word to heart. Every criticism made you train harder. Every complaint made you fight with a little more force.

It was never enough. It would never be enough, and you had to accept it.

Then the day came for the big one. The big mission. The back ‘home’ mission. The mission you knew you were risking your life for. But hey, that’s why you came. Too late to back down now. You, Bucky, Cap and Nat were on the mission. You and Bucky would be the ones infiltrating with Nat and Cap ready for backup and ground cover.

You were ready for this. You’d trained for this.

You’d gotten in flawlessly. You just had to get to the damn office and go. Always easier said than done though.

“Y/N!” You heard the one voice you were praying you weren’t going to hear. The motherfucker that tortured and brainwashed you for all those years. Your bonafide handler if you will.

Instead of turning you pushed on behind Bucky, “Levi.” You muttered to Bucky. Get in, shoot the target, grab the goods, and go. It should’ve been simple if you were in the right headspace. But you weren’t, not just having a blowout with Bucky twenty minutes before. You’d argued the best way in because the two of you could never agree. Not until it was life or death.

“Y/N stop!” You shouldn’t have paused. That was your first mistake. Enough time for him to aim a bullet right at your hip. Luckily you were in stride, so it didn’t embed itself, just grazing your side deeply. You yelped out in pain. He knew where to hit. Of course, he had the right guns to get through your shield. You knew it you just refused to believe it. Push on, keep running.

Bucky only grabbed your hand when he saw your speed slowing. He knew better than to leave a soldier behind. Even if it was you.

“Come on, keep up!” He grunted pulling you along faster.

You face crinkled up in pain as you tried to keep up. Each step hurting slightly more than the last, “Sorry, Bucky. ‘M trying.” You could barely get out. Trying to focus on your breathing rather than the pain you hadn’t realized he nearly stopped to a halt. Hands grabbing your shoulders he shoved you behind him as he pulled out his own gun.

With movements faster than even you could comprehend he fired a shot to his head before he even realized what was happening.

“Holy shit.” You muttered watching the man that had tortured you for so long drop to ground like a bag of bricks.

“You’re welcome.” He smirked looking all too proud of himself.

You huffed, “Thanks, I guess?”

“Don’t get used to it. Let’s go. We’ve made a scene.” He dramatically rolled his eyes before continuing on running, just not as fast this time.

“Fuck.” You groaned trying to keep his pace but failing miserably. The wound starting to hurt more and more with each passing minute. The adrenaline was fading faster than you would’ve hoped.

“Gotta keep up now, we’re almost there.” He slowed down to a walk to keep pace with you. That was embarrassing.

You stopped when you couldn’t take it any longer, “I can’t, sorry. My side. It’s hurting. You go and I’ll keep cover or something. I’m useless right now.” You admitted as you moved you bloody hand away from your side.

“Ouch.” He raised an eyebrow in surprise. It must’ve been pretty bad if you got that reaction out of Bucky, “Right through the armor.”

You sighed, “Some special bullet. They were working on it when I was escaping. I’m sure they’ve perfected it by now. Lucky it hit my side, or it’d be right through me.” Laughing nervously, you observed a new reaction from him, actual empathy? He looked concerned as he walked around you, making sure you weren’t hurt.

“Who was that anyway?”

You shrugged, “They called him Levi. Not sure. He was my scientist and handler if you know what I mean.”

He nodded, “Sure. I had one myself.”

You sighed placing pressure back on the still seeping wound, “Guess they don’t change. Even eighty years later.” You leaned back on the wall, “Go. Finish the mission.”

“Yeah, one problem though. Can’t leave you. Boss’s orders.” He tapped his microphone in his ear before making his way over to you.

“What?” You could barely get out before he picked you right up, “What are you doing Bucky?” You didn’t want to admit just how fucking good his embrace felt. Not now especially. Not in the middle of the damn hydra base. Not when you knew he fucking despised you.

“Boss said nobody left behind. Off we go.” He ran with you easily. You knew you could likely do the same. Being super soldiers and all.

“Who?” You challenged him. Why? You didn’t really know. Maybe it was your defensiveness kicking in. More so it was that you were confused as to why he was helping. You were sure he was going to sprint right away once you gave him the go ahead.

“Cap.”

Thinking for a moment you realized that it was plausible. Steve had been very protective over you from the get-go, “Guess I’ll have to thank Cap later then.”

“Sure.” Bucky refused to look at you and kept his eyes ahead. Bucky knew these hallways just as well as you did. You were right after all, not much had changed in the eighty or so year timespan between the two of your stays.

Realizing his one worded answers were a tactic you quieted down. He wasn’t a terribly chatty guy to begin with. Then add you to the mix? He couldn’t stand it. What was his reasoning for disliking you so? He knew deep down you were fine. You escaped the Hydra hell hole just like he did. But he knew how fucked up you likely were. Even if you were just a quarter as fucked up as he was you were in a bad state. Hydra had no limits. They’d kill for far less.

He didn’t trust you. He didn’t trust himself so how in the hell could he trust you? It was easier this way. Keep the Hydra girl far, far away. What’s the easiest way to do that? Be the biggest dickhead he could be. It was successful. He even had his best friend stumped. He wouldn’t budge. Couldn’t budge. It was best for both of you.

Then you had to go and get yourself shot. He’d never leave you behind. Even if he didn’t trust you fully, he couldn’t let a member of his team stay back when he was more than capable of helping.

He set you down in the office chair once he made it to the main office where all the documents were kept, “Keep watch, alright?”

“Yes sir.” Giving him a more than sarcastic salute you nodded him to look for the files needed.

He turned concentrating on finding what he needed. You heard footsteps from down the hall. You didn’t think much of it as you started to feel a little funny. The sound of those footsteps marching in such a manner brining you right back to when you were a prisoner in their system only two years ago. The sights, smells and now sounds flashing you back to those horrific days.

You heard the steps stop at the door. You fucked up. You lost concentration. You were supposed to be keeping guard and you couldn’t even do that. Fuck, the footsteps should have started up again, but they didn’t. They stopped right in front of the door.

“Bucky!” You yelled getting his attention, your cover was blown anyway. It didn’t matter, “Door. 2 people.”

He nodded grabbing his gun a little too late. As did you. Hearing a faint, “It’s her.” Before a bullet ripped right through your lower half. You immediately let out a pained cry as the bullet hit you straight in the abdomen. Fuck. How unlucky could you be?

Quickly, Bucky shot them both a second too late. Realizing you were the target he rushed over to you. Your eyes felt far too heavy to know you probably weren’t making it out of this one. Not without help at least.

“Oh, no, no, no, no.” Bucky’s eyes widened seeing the blood drip down you side, staining your suit a nasty crimson color. Slumping back into the chair you were already sitting in. You closed your eyes before opening them very slowly.

“Damn.” Looking down you covered your stomach as best as you could, but this was a whole lot of blood. You’d never seen yourself this bloody before. The worst was the smell of it. The nasty metallic stench was a smell you could certainly live without. It smelled even worse knowing it was your own fucking blood.

He ripped off a pant leg quicky tying it around your waist as quick as he could, making sure the bulk of it sinched your abdomen in, “Good enough.” He grumbled before lifting you bridal style, “I need you to stay with me now, Y/N. Eyes on me now.”

“Okay.” You spoke as best as you could.

Your eyes felt too heavy though. It was getting hard to keep them open. You knew this meant you lost too much blood. You’d only felt this a few times prior, each time just escaping by the skin of your teeth. This seemed different though, a little more severe.

“Shit, Y/N. You’ve gotta keep your eyes open.” You felt like he was climbing now. Was he really about to get you out of here safely?

“’M trying.” You mumbled.

What came out of Bucky’s mouth shocked you right back into the present, “And you’re doing so good. But I need to see them open right now yeah?” Was Bucky, of all people, praising you? You hated to admit it, but it felt too damn good.

Opening them just a bit more you saw Bucky’s now anxiety riddled face, “Thank you.” He sighed while squeezing you softly, “Just a little bit further. There’s a house on the mountain side with some suppliers. I hid there not too long ago when we were scoping the place out.”

“Sure.” You coughed, immediately regretting the reaction. You let out a guttural cry feeling the pain ripple from your abdomen all across your body.

“Almost there. Just a little longer.” You saw him tap his comm’s continuously trying to get ahold of anybody.

“Cap, oh thank God.” He sped up seeing your eyes begin to shut again softly, “She’s shot… yeah… no, it’s not good. I’m heading to the bunker now. We need backup right away… Yes, got the documents. Copy.”

He looked relieved when he saw the house on the horizon only to be shattered when he saw your eyes closed completely, “Y/N! Wake up!”

You faintly heard him but couldn’t seem to care. It was too fucking hard to open your eyes, “Come on Y/N!” He tried shaking you gently once he got to the side door.

You hummed trying to let him know you heard him.

“Fuck.” He kicked the door in not really giving a damn about it now. He laid you down on the couch checking your back to see if there was an exit wound. He was a little relieved to know there wasn’t one, which meant the bullet was in you still. That sucked for you later but for now it meant he could get you back into a survivable state.

“This is going to hurt.” Bucky frowned pulling the stitch kit out of the bathroom along with the first aid kit. Bucky opted for the stapler as it was quicker and slightly less painful than stitching you back up without any numbing.

He went ahead without your acknowledgement. Your eyes shot open as the first staple began to close the wound. Letting out a quiet whimper you knew you needed to stay as still as possible for him but damn, did that hurt

“I’m so sorry. Here squeeze my leg. But don’t break it.” He shuffled around so his leg was near a hand offering you something to grasp onto. He knew just how painful this was. He’d been through it a few times before. Just like you had. It didn’t make it hurt any less though.

“Shit.” You let out a soft cry as he placed the second staple through your skin.

“I know. Fuck. Only a few more.” His hands trembled as your blood coated his hands. He paused only to wipe it clean so he could see. He didn’t want to put you through any more pain than necessary.

You nodded blinking back tears. For whatever reason this was worse than the Hydra torture. This felt like you were being cared for by somebody who actually did care. Not just an asset. Even if he hated you at least he had an emotion towards you. He noticed you.

You groaned when you felt another staple bring your skin back together.

“Two more.” He sighed wiping away the seeping blood that didn’t want to stop.

“Go fast.” You bit your teeth together grabbing onto his leg. He nodded hitting the last two back-to-back.

You sighed knowing the worst of it was over. Placing a pack of gauze down he pressed down firmly before wrapping and bandaging you up, “How do you feel?” He asked nervously not sure what to expect from you. Things were going to get awkward now. He just knew it. He couldn’t go back to treating you the way he had been before. Not after this trip. You’d gotten too close. Shared a little bit too much to act so cold.

“Better.” You gave him a soft nod thankful that it was closed up. But you were still feeling it. You still had a wound, a bullet lodged in you.

“Cap and Nat will be here soon.” He broke you out of your thoughts.

You closed your eyes focusing on breathing. It hurt, really fucking bad. But at least you weren’t bleeding anymore. Bucky had taken care of that for you.

“Wake me when they get here.” Your eyes felt too heavy now. The adrenaline all but worn off all you wanted to do was sleep.

He didn’t like that answer. “Y/N.” He shook your shoulder forcing you to open your eyes before he would stop, “Just keep them open for a little longer. Once you’re hooked up to a monitor then you can go to sleep. Okay?”

“I’m just... so tired.” You sighed, trying your best to stay earth side.

“I know.” He paused before speaking to Cap again, “We’ll be right out.”

He didn’t wait to explain anything before he picked you right back up hauling you out to the jet, “Get Banner on the line!” Bucky shouted before gently setting you on the first aid gurney they had stashed for injuries. It was used more often than the team wanted to admit.

“Nat’s on the phone with him now. What happened Bucky? I told you…” Steve gave him a frustrated look. A look that let Bucky know he was angry.

“You don’t think I fucking know?” He growled feeling terrible about what happened, “It happened too fast. They had these special fucking bullets, Steve. I stapled her up. Fuck. She lost so much blood.” He slammed his fist down on a table next to you making you jump slightly. Bucky mumbled some half-baked apologies before walking away. Running his hands through his hard trying his hardest not to rip some of it out.

He should’ve been quicker. He knew you were injured and weren’t on your best game. He had no excuse. You even gave him a heads up and he still failed to protect you. He felt like he was the worst. Always seemingly failing.

“She’s fine. She’ll make a full recovery. Bruce is sure of it. He’s reading her vitals right now and he’s saying she’s right where she should be. You did exactly what you needed to..” Nat placed a comforting hand on her friend’s shoulder. She knew he was tearing himself up over this.

“Hey, you heard Nat, right?” Steve asked. He didn’t like the way Bucky didn’t seem to respond, “What’s going on? You don’t even like her?”

Letting out a frustrated sigh he turned to face Steve, “I don’t trust her. It’s not that I don’t like her. And then she was so fucking helpless. I haven’t seen her like that. Not in the months of training we had back and forth. I thought she was going to die.” Bucky admitted to his best friend.

“Well she didn’t and she’s not. Let’s get her home first and we’ll talk later.”

Bucky nodded, too afraid to go back over to you he took a seat at the front of the jet. Nat and Steve were right there for you anyway. It’s not like you wanted to see him away, or so he thought.

A soft knock at the door drew your eyes away from the book you were reading. The only thing that seemed to pass the time as you waited for Bruce to let you go back to your room. So far, you’ve been confined to the damn hospital wing for three days, three very long days.

“You came?” You asked a little confused by your guest.

Bucky hummed letting himself in, “How are you?” He stood at the foot of your bed not sure what to do with himself.

“I’m good. Thanks for saving my life and all.” Smiling at him for the first time ever you didn’t mind it. You didn’t mind not yelling at him. Actually, kind of enjoying it.

“Yeah sure. Need somebody to argue with.” He tried to joke only to be met with a frown by you.

You sighed, “Can we not? For once? Please. I’m so tired.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I’m sorry. I was joking.” He looked away pretending to be captured by the painting on the wall.

“Yeah.” You nodded not sure what to say. How awkward was this. You’ve known each other for months but didn’t know each other at all. All you’ve done was argue. Fight. Yell and scream. But now? This was weird.

“I’m sorry.” Bucky leaned back onto the wall, “Really. I would understand if you don’t want a thing to do with me Y/N. Really. I’m..”

You stopped him by placing a hand up, “It’s okay. I wouldn’t trust me either.” You breathed out, “Just can we not fight? It’s exhausting.”

He nodded, “Sure, yeah.”

“Okay, good.” You let out the breath you’ve been holding for a while. It felt as if a weight had been lifted off your shoulders. Sure, it was awkward, but damn did it feel good to talk to him for once.

“You sure you’re, okay?” Bucky asked again. He was at a loss for words, but he decided to try. Maybe he could find some commonality with you. You’d been through the same shit after all. He didn’t blame you if you wanted him to go far away though, he treated you so terribly.

You nodded sincerely, “I’m great. Bruce just won’t let me go.” You watched his face full of skepticism, “Really, I’m good. Surgery went well and I’ve been out and about all morning. Bruce made me rest.”

Bucky smiled for the first time in a while. Enjoying hearing your explanation even if he didn’t fully believe you, “I’ll tell you what. Once Bruce gives you the okay… since you’re so fine. Me and you spar in the weight room?”

You laughed. It didn’t surprise you. It seemed like him. His way of apologizing to you as best he could, “Sure thing James.”

“What? How’d you know?” He thought back to anytime anybody had called him that name he so rarely heard.

Grinning you couldn’t stop the sudden smile that graced your face, “Rodgers.”

“Bastard.” Both of you joined in laughter for the first but definitely not last time.

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mobius-m-mobius · 10 months

Note

Pt 2:

(Okay I'm sorry this length is actually a bit absurd. As you can see my mind is SPINNING and this may have gotten. Out of hand. Please do feel free to ignore me, I promise I won't take it personally 😆😆)

So here’s the thing. In Loki and Sylvie’s first full episode together, I read the nexus event as being Loki experiencing self-love for once in his existence. Until events unfolded and I sighed and resigned myself to the inevitable heterosexuality of fit all. But.

Consider it from Loki’s perspective. You find yourself caring for this person who is and isn’t yourself. And it’s nice, at the end of all things, to care. Then the most emotionally intelligent man you know is insisting you’ve fallen in love with her. And gosh golly gee that is NOT what you thought was going on there, but you’re new to this whole letting yourself care schtick—how would you know?

Then, a miracle—against all the odds in the universe, Mobius decides to trust you after all. To fight by your side.

And within seconds, it gets him killed.

It feels like everything is over, and you don’t understand why. But it isn’t. The world is still falling apart, and Sylvie is still trapped, and whatever the way in which you care for her, you do care. And Mobius—he is dead. And nearly the last thing he said to you was that he thinks the love between you and Sylvie could save the universe. So what else can you do? You have to try. For both of them.

So you go to Sylvie, and it’s hard to get the words out, and it doesn’t feel quite right, but you try to tell her—

Your maybe universe-saving hopefully-actually-true love confession is cut off, and things get a bit wonky after that. And in the meantime there is another miracle—Mobius is alive after all.

But the universe still isn’t saved. And Mobius isn’t dead, but you thought he was, and you’ve been so viscerally reminded that to love is to lose. And anyway—before his seeming death the last thing Mobius said was that if he could go anywhere, it would be to his own life. Those scant moments when it seemed you might move forward side by side were illusion indeed. Mobius has a life of his own, in which you have no part.

So you turn to this other self, and say, ‘will you stay will me, after?’

She isn’t you. But perhaps she’s near enough to stay. No one else will.

Then you have the Sylkie kiss, which frankly imo barely counts as evidence on its own. When Sylvie finds out about Mobius’ nexus event theory she immediately goes to Loki to say ‘yeahhhhhhh so lets not do that bud … hey did you notice how much Mobius cares about you? 😃” Lok got a little confused, but Sylvie doesn’t seem, to me, to ever have thought her feelings for Loki were romantic. And when she kisses him, it’s a betrayal. Giving him what he seems to want as a distraction for the sake of her own ends.

And so he can’t trust her, and she won’t trust him, and there is no safety in running to himself to avert his loneliness. And he kissed her, and the universe isn’t saved.

And the lonely god runs straight on back to Mobius. And he might have still been sorting his head out a bit in the first two eps of s2, yet. He never leaves Mobius’ side again. Not until it is only way to save him. Not until he has spent centuries searching desperately for a way to stay by his side.

Wouldn't dream of ignoring you, absolutely love hearing the thought process people go through while watching or rewatching the show (starting another rewatch of my own soon!) and found myself noticing many of the same things you've mentioned especially regarding Sylvie as a representation of Loki coming to terms with self love for the first time which then led to the actualization of forming the kind of emotional connection and openness with Mobius that romantic love can build on.

Will reply to both parts of your ask here (linking part 1 just in case anyone hasn't seen it) and absolutely believe you're right in that while Loki would've always had potential escape from the methods and mistrust of the TVA in the back of his mind, he was very rapidly starting to separate Mobius from being part of the collective because there were too many genuine moments building between them to ever be in line with what the TVA would normally allow.

(adding a read more bc, well, it's me so we know this is getting long)

The shot in Roxxcart that lingers on Loki watching Mobius walk away after their discussion of trust always stuck with me because at that point I was under the assumption Loki was grappling with awareness the mission could be an opportunity of escape and for the first time didn't actually *want* to leave but had no idea how to process the feelings that had developed from being in a partnership of mutual respect and further taken a hit with the reminder that Mobius is still a major part of the TVA, and no one at the TVA will ever fully trust him.

Funnily enough even though it's kind of a running joke that Mobius had fallen for Loki before they even met (and he absolutely had 😅), the fact that it really was something more always came across as almost subconscious for him?? Loki knew what they had but panicked, never having experienced anything of that level before and not knowing what to do with any of it while Mobius has repressed his feelings about, well, everything for so long just to cope with life at the TVA it's hard for him to picture anything outside their rule.

I never saw Loki taking off after Sylvie as anything more than the chance to escape what could, or in his mind at that moment couldn't, grow with Mobius while taking a perfect opportunity to explore curiosity on his part as to who this is, whether she's useful, and how she connects to being a Loki and from that point on we continue to see in his interactions with Sylvie they mirror each other at various stages of life.

If anything his clear hesitation at leaving Mobius definitely made the betrayal sting that much more, which is why Mobius lashed out so openly during the next interrogation without even bothering to hide his hurt and I've always thought the moment where Mobius calls him out for being a bad friend in front of the guards is when it actually clicks with Loki that he may have ruined something big, something important between them if Mobius is willing to not just admit to them having a real connection in front of people who would almost certainly report something like that but consider him a friend to have trust in for the time in his life. So he risks it all trying to convince Mobius to trust him one more time and thinks he failed like usual, only to have Mobius come back with faith in who he can be, faith Loki doesn't feel he deserves but gladly takes which leads directly to Mobius getting pruned trying to protect him.

And I love how you phrased this section because exactly, Loki is so completely lost and torn apart in a way like never before after watching Mobius die. Sylvie is the only anchor to anything left, and Mobius had just (misguidedly, but still lol) told him the two of them could make a difference so that's exactly what Loki tries to do but every time he attempts to involve some level of emotion like the possible confession before also getting pruned or discussing their nexus event it's immediately cut off and for good reason; because that's not who those feelings are meant for. It's important to note as well that when Sylvie tells Loki how much Mobius cares about him, it isn't brushed aside or joked about but instead allowed to land and breathe in that moment because they know how true it is, but also that Loki isn't ready to face that yet.

Then at the citadel (and didn't s2 go a long way toward erasing pretty much all the implications meant here besides the fact that they'll never see eye to eye 😂) Loki and Sylvie immediately clash, with both of them openly wondering why they can't trust each other. Loki's frustration is clear because if he had been talking to Mobius instead they could take some time so things wouldn't have reached this point but he isn't, so he and Sylvie come to blows.

In my opinion Sylvie had never seen Loki in a romantic light either or even wanted to consider the possibility, but she did notice his constant struggle to reconcile feelings that did exist for Mobius and took advantage as a distraction and mirror to the Roxxcart grocery store divorce which leaves Loki confused and alone, processing what's just happened as he realizes despite everything his trust in Mobius has never wavered and never will. He races towards him only to finally know what it does feel like to look into his eyes and find that trust fully missing, so once he gets his Mobius back he spends almost every moment of s2 as close to his side as possible until he's forced to give him up, but as you said not until he's exhausted centuries seeking a way to stay. It's clear both of their endings are to be left wanting and waiting which is the most tragic way to have Lokius confirmed but we can only hope sooner rather than later they have a chance to work their way back to each other 🥰

#congrats on taking the title of longest ask! you beat out a previous night at the museum one that i really thought would hang in there 😂💖#this was tons of fun to read and reply to so tysm for sharing your thoughts and i've always felt the reason lokius is such a strong pair #is because even in a limited series they actually had time to sit on their feelings and process what they WANT to mean to each other #and once they've figured it out you see right away in s02e01 you can't part them their devotion to each other is like none other 🥺#loki spoilers #ask

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dragon-kazansky · 2 years

Text

From the heart

Virgil Adamson x Reader

Virgil knew this town inside and out. He grew up here. He knew everyone. Everyone knew him. Until one day someone new comes along. His curiosity leads him back to the library where the mystery stranger works. Suddenly his whole perspective on the world changes and he has never wanted something as badly as this before.

Warnings: Mentions of nudity. Virgil is a masseuse in case you didn't know.

♡♡♡

Virgil knew this town in every way except for how it looked. He knew the roads, the buildings and those who occupy them. He knows his favourite places. He knows the people who surround him on the daily.

Today he was on his way to the library to pick up the braille books that had been brought in him for him. He was looking forward to them.

He walks the familiar path down the street greeting those he passes, knowing who they are by the sound of their car, or the shampoo they use, or simply by the way they say his name. He smiles and makes his way into the library.

He comes to a stop at the counter, knowing it will always be right there. He knows how many steps it takes from the door to reach it. His fingers brush against the solid wood lightly while he waits for the librarian to see to him.

He hears hushed voices near by. The sound of books being placed on a shelf behind him. The sound of the wonky wheel on the trolley they use to move books around. He hears a chair being pushed under a table as someone leaves.

He hears a voice. A voice he doesn't recognize. A pretty voice.

"Can I be of assistance?" They ask.

He's listening. He doesn't know this person. Someone new. Someone... interesting.

"My name is Virgil Adamson, I believe some books were put aside for me to pick up."

"Oh, of course! Bear with me a moment," they say. He listens as they step away from the counter to find his books. He can't help the soft smile on his face when he hears a small crash and a little curse word slip past their lips.

"Are you alright?" He asks.

"Oh, um, yes. I'm sorry. Your books, they're right here."

Something brushes against his fingers on the desk. He lifts his hands and slowly moves it to cover the object in front of him. He smiles, knowing they're for him.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," they say, though they sound a little... sheepish.

"Are you sure you're alright?" He asks.

"Yes. I just... dropped some things. Anyway, everything checks out here. Enjoy your reading."

"Thanks," he says, smiling.

He stands there for a second before gathering the books and making his exit. All the while unaware the person was watching him leave.

When Virgil gets home, Jennie is there waiting for him. He can hear her in the kitchen. He places his books on the table as he passes it and faces his sister.

"Shopping?" He asks.

"The usual things. Where were you?" She asks, though she knows where he had been. She had seen him put the books down.

"The library."

"You must be their favourite customer."

Virgil chuckles at that. He leans back against the kitchen counter beside where his sister was packing away the last if the shopping.

"There was someone new," he tells her.

"Oh yes. I saw them this morning." Jennie tells him your name. "Heard they got here a couple of days ago. Wanted to start anew in the country, so I hear."

"Is that so?"

"That's just what I've heard. I don't know them personally."

He smiles.

"I see."

"Very funny, Virgil."

The siblings laugh softly. Jennie finishes up packing away the shopping and then leaves her brother to own his devices for now.

The next day Virgil makes his way through town in the early hours. He has some time before he needs to catch his bus up to the resort. Places were just opening up for the day. The library is just up ahead and his mind takes him back to yesterday.

Were you working today? Would he hear your voice again? He wanted to.

Lost in his thought, he had taken his mind off his walking. He bumps into something solid and stumbles. Someone reaches out and grasps him by the arms, steadying him.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't see you there."

It's you! He smiles.

"I didn't see you either," he says. He doesn't hear you laugh and feels a little awkward. "I'm sorry. I was trying to be funny."

You then laugh a little and he smiles again.

"That was cute," you say.

Virgil stands there smiling widely. His heart seems to be racing for some reason. What is it about talking to you, even though he hasn't said much to you, that has him feeling so... excited?

"You're new here, aren't you?" He asks.

"Uh, yes. Yes, I am. I've been here 3 days now."

"Why here?" He asks.

"Because this town his charming. It's quiet and everything a bit slower than the city. I fell in love it with it," you say. He can hear the smile in your voice. He finds himself wishing he could see it.

He thinks you must have a very pretty smile.

"Welcome to our little sleepy hollow, then. I'm sure you'll be seeing me around," he says. "I'm Virgil, by the way."

You tell him your name. He can hear your smile again.

"It was nice meeting you, Virgil, but I better get to work. See you around."

"Yeah, see you."

He hears your laugh again and smiles once more. It's such a heartfelt sound. So pure and honest. You think he's funny. He likes that.

He hears you walk away. Once he can no longer hear you, he walks on. He takes his walk and then catches his bus, all the while with you on the brain.

For years this town has provided him with same thing over and over again. A comfortable and safe place to live in. A place he can be Virgil without worry. A home. But it never provided what he needed to feet his curiosity. Never anything new to dive into and explore. Nothing different and exciting.

You were different and exciting.

He was excited about the very prospect of you being here. He wanted more.

Virgil doesn't cross paths with you for a few days. He's waiting for his sister in town when he hears your voice. He smiles at the very sound of it. It was quickly becoming his favourite thing to listen out for. You're talking to someone, saying goodbye. Your steps get louder as you get closer to where he is sitting and then, "oh, hello Virgil."

He smiles and tilts his head up in your direction.

"Hello."

"Who's your friend?" You ask.

"This is Jessie."

You sit down beside him on the bench and his dog, Jessie, looks up at you.

"Hello Jessie," you say. "What are you doing sitting on this bench?" You ask, clearly talking to him now.

"Waiting for my sister."

"Ah, I see. Shall I keep you company until she shows up?" You offer.

"Only if I'm not keeping you from anything," he says.

He hears you chuckle softly. "Not at all. I was only going to head home anyway."

Virgil can hear your soft breathing. He can hear the slight rustle of your coat as your arm brushes against his ever so slightly. He wonders what you're looking at, or what you're thinking.

"What do you do for fun around here?" You ask him.

"Me?"

"Yeah, you. I don't really know anyone in this town, and you're the only person I've spoken to this much. Maybe you can share some insight, excuse the word, into this town with me."

He chuckles.

"I like to skate."

"Skate?"

"I'm a hockey fan. I like to skate. There's a lake just outside of town that I like to go to. It freezes over and I can skate on it."

"Cool," he hears you mutter. "That's impressive."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. What else do you do?" You nudge his shoulder lightly with yours. There's something about you asking about him that sets his heart racing again

"I gove messages at the resort. I'm told I'm good with my hands."

You chuckle.

"You rely on touch," he hears you say.

"Mmhm. My hands help me to see."

He wonders what you're thinking again.

"Do you think you'd have time to take on a new client?" You ask him.

"I think I can fit you in somewhere." He smiles.

"Nice. I need to see for myself that you have talented hands," you tease.

"Guess you will."

"Virgil!"

Virgil turns his head to look up at where his sister's voice came from. He hears her coming over and Jessie stands up. He hears you get up too and finds himself following.

"Jennie," be greets her.

"Ah, your new friend," Jennie says. Virgil smiles.

"They were keeping me company."

"I'm Jennie. His sister. Nice to meet you."

"Nice to meet you too," he hears you say.

"We better get going, Virgil."

"Alright." He turns his head to you. "Don't forget to book an appointment. I'll be waiting for you."

"I promise," you say.

Virgil smiles at you before leaving with his sister. As they walk away, Jennie looks at her brother.

"You have this look on your face."

"I do?" He asks.

"Yes. What are you thinking about?"

He smiles. "Them."

"Just be careful, Virgil. I don't want you to get hurt."

His smile fades. "I know. I just... I want something. I want... this. This feeling. The one I get when I talk to them. I want to feel it."

Jennie falls quiet.

Two days later Virgil is working. He washes his hands in preparation of his next client. He knew who it was. He always asked for the names of his clients so he could greet them when they came in. Virgil can't help smiling at himself knowing you had make the appointment like you said you would. He dries his hands and walks over to the table.

"You can come in," he says, knowing you're lingering out there.

He hears you come into the room.

"Hi," you speak quietly.

"Hi," he responds just ad quietly. His lips twitching into a smile.

"I can turn my back if it makes you more comfortable, but you'll need to take off your clothes and get on the table for this."

He hears you chuckles.

"No peeking," you tease.

Virgil laughs. "I promise."

Out of respect Virgil turns his back. He hears you undress and waits for your permission to turn back around. He hears you climb onto the table.

"Okay, I'm ready."

Virgil turns back around and with expertise he reaches for his oils. He picks one he thinks will suit you and rubs it on his hands.

"I'll look after you," he says.

"I trust you."

He reaches out and lightly touches your back. The smallest of gasps escapes your lips.

"Are you alright?"

"Fine. I just... I've never had a massage before."

"I promise I won't go too deep. Not unless you want me to."

"I trust you," you say again.

Virgil continues to massage your back deeply. His fingers digging and pressing in all the right places. For the first minutes you're quiet, but when he hits that one spot between your shoulders, you let out a small content moan.

He smiles. You're enjoying it. You're enjoying his craft. Though he likes his job, he sometimes enjoys more than on other days. Today, he is enjoying it fully. This may be your first time here, but he will happily admit you're his favourite client.

In fact, he would happily say you were his favourite person in this town. You're refreshing. You talk to him like any other person. His disability does not get in the way of you talking to him or being with him. You treat him like Virgil.

He likes it. He likes how you make him feel. Perhaps the same as he seems to be making you feel.

Virgil massages your arms in a slow steady rhythm. His hand comes close to wrapping around yours. Oh, how he would love to hold your hand. How would it feel in his?

"How is it?" He asks.

You hum in response. He chuckles. "It's so good. You're good."

"Do my hands meet your expectations?" He asks, referring to the conversation about how good he is with his hands.

"Yes. Yes they do."

"Do... do you want me to do your legs? Or was this enough?"

There's a pause before he hears you turn over on the table. He stands beside you wondering if you're looking up at him or not.

"You can carry on. I'm okay. Are you?" You ask him.

His hand brushes along your arm. His fingers trailing up to your hand. He feels your own fingers relax.

"I'm okay," he whispers.

His hand leaves yours as he steps to the end of the table. He comes to a stop and faces you. There's a brief pause before he reaches out and takes your leg in his hands. His fingers press into your skin. He hears your breath hitch and moves his hands up toward your knee, massaging your leg thoroughly.

His fingers glide across your knee. He seems to hesitate from going any further.

"Virgil."

"Hm?"

"It's okay."

His hands rises further up your leg. He massages the flesh of her thigh. He wonders if you can hear his heart. Higher he goes. He stops himself before he goes to far, but doesn't let go. His hands only move to the other leg to give it the same attention.

You're enjoying this.

His hand lingers on your leg before he let's go entirely.

"Times up."

He steps back from the table and then disappears behind the screen to go wash his hands. He hears you sit up on the table. You don't seem to move a moment, but then he he hears you gathering your clothes from where you left them. You change and linger by the door.

"That was wonderful, Virgil. You really do have the magic touch. I, uh, I'll be going now. Thank you. Really, thank you! I enjoyed that. See you soon," you say. He hears you leave.

Virgil leans against the sink and sighs. His heart is running a marathon in his chest. He digs his fingers into the basin of the sink and bows his head forward.

He's never felt so... What was this feeling?

Was this a crush? Was this what that felt like?

He doesn't know.

Virgil doesn't see you for a few days. He actively avoids the town if he can. He's confused. He feels this deep bubbling emotion in his chest and he doesn't know how to express it.

Jennie had noticed a shift in his personality, but didn't ask. Somehow she just knew. She knew her brother. She had only seen him with you the once, but there was also that time he talked about you after he met you for the first time. He liked you.

To try and escape these thoughts Virgil went up to his lake. With his skates and his stick, Virgil got ready to skate. He glides across the pond and loses himself in the moment.

He's not sure how long he is out there for, but it's clearly long enough for someone to come looking for him.

"Jennie said you might be out here."

Using his stick for assistance, Virgil comes to a stop on the ice. He leans against it as he looks up in your general direction.

"You were looking for me?"

"Yes."

He hears you walk down to the bank to stand at the edge of the lake. He skates a little closer so he can be near you.

"Do you skate?" He asks.

"I used to rollar skate. Not any more."

He let's go of the stick with one hand and holds it out to you. He fingers twitch slightly while anticipates your touch. He hears the snow crunch under your shoe. Warmth fills his palm as you take his hand. His fingers wrap around your hand as he pulls you close to him carefully. You skid slightly across the ice and collide into him a little. He chuckles as he helps steady you. Your grab his arm tightly.

So that's what your hand felt like.

"Just hold onto me. Don't think about the ice. Just... glide. Leave the skating bit to me."

You hold onto his arm tight as he pushes off. He keeps a steady hold on you as he takes you around the lake. He can feel you wobble a bit, but your hold on him helps him keep you upright.

"Can you feel the chill on your face? The breeze in your hair?"

"Yes."

He smiles. "Do you hear the birds in the trees? The sound of my skates on the ice?"

"Yes."

"This is what I like to do. This is where I come when I need to think."

He hears your soft breathing.

Virgil slows the gliding down and brings you to a stop near the side of the bank. He let's his stick fall into the snow and then falls down into the snow himself. The hold he has on your hand allows him to pull you down into the snow with him. He hears you laugh.

Virgil rests on his side, facing toward you.

"Why were you looking for me?" He asks.

Your breath fans across his face lightly. He realises just how close he is to you. You don't seem to make any habit to move.

"I wanted to see you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you," you chuckle. "I haven't seen you in town for a few days. I thought maybe you were just busy up at the resort, but I saw your sister and she said you had just been keeping to yourself. I was worried I had done something to maybe make you want to avoid me. I would very sad if that was the case."

Virgil runs his tongue across his lip.

"Did I upset you?" You ask him.

"No. Not at all."

"Were you avoiding me?" You ask next.

"No. Well... yes. But not because I was upset with you."

"Then why?"

"I..." Virgil sighs. He doesn't know how to explain it. He doesn't understand. Not really. "You make me... feel things."

He hears that small hitch in your voice again.

"When I'm with you... everything feels new. It's refreshing. Ive lived in this town pretty much all my life. It's safe and it's comfortable. I know everyone. I knew everyone until you came along. You were refreshing and funny."

"Funny?" You chuckle.

"When I came for those books. You dropped them and you swore under your breath. I heard you. It was cute."

"Oh..." He can hear the smile in that simple word.

"Then we bumped into each other and I made a joke. Remember?"

"Yes. You apologised for it."

"But then you said I was funny," Virgil grins. "And then on that bench you talked to me. You asked me things. You wanted to hear my thoughts on the town. Well, it's quiet and its comfortable, but I like it a lot more now you're here. Then that massage... I rely on touch to help me see. I have this image of you in my mind, but I'll never be able to see it. See you. But you haven't brought up my blindness once. You haven't asked about it. You're not bothered about my lack of sight."

"Of course not. Your blindness does not define you, Virgil."

He feels his heart racing.

"I like you," he says. "I really like you. You spend time with me, I hope, because you like me too."

Virgil falls quiet.

In this moment he wished he could see you. He wanted to know what you were thinking. He wanted to know what you were feeling.

He gasps softly at the feel of your fingers on his cheek. You then move your hand so your palm is covering his cheek. He feels your thumb run across the skin just under his glasses.

"I do like you, Virgil. I like the way you see the world without seeing. You appreciate the little things more than other people. The way things sound. The way things feel. I like the way you talk about things. I haven't known you long and I know there's a lot of things I still have to learn about you, but Virgil, I do like you. It's why I came looking for you. I would have been very sad if I thought I had offended you somehow."

Virgil places a hand over yours and leans into your touch. He smiles.

"I want to learn all about you," he says.

"And I want to learn all about you, Virgil."

"Can... Can I kiss you?" He asks.

"Yes," you whisper.

Virgil leans down and slowly presses his lips against yours. Your lips are soft against his. This feels right. You feel right. You feel like home.

He pulls away just a little bit.

"This is new for me," he confesses.

Your hand is still settled on his face. You're keeping his cheek warm.

"That's okay. We can take this slow."

He smiles.

"You're very handsome when you smile," you tell him.

"Am I?"

"Yes. Very."

Virgil chuckles. He leans down and kisses you again. He could get so used to this. You chuckle as you pull away from him this time.

"As fun as this, I'm getting rather cold in the snow."

He chuckles and gets up to his feet. He holds his hand out to you. He feels your hand take his and Virgil pulls you up to your feet. You chuckle as you stumble into him. You're both still on the ice, so he helps you up onto the bank.

Virgil changes out of his skates and you grab his hockey stick. When you return to his side you take his hand again. The pair of you make the trip back home.

For once in his dark world there is light. That light comes in the form of you.

He looks forward to what awaits him with you by his side.

#virgil adamson x reader #virgil adamson #val kilmer #at first sight 1999 #at first sight

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weabooweedwitch · 1 year

Note

Your mom sounds insufferable and I'm sorry you have to live with her and shoulder the entire financial burden and household management. Whenever I see a post abt your mom on my timeline I'm like 'damn it sounds like she's the mom and her mom is the daughter this is some crazy role reversal shit' and I feel annoyed on your behalf. I'm sorry your mom is too self-absorbed to seek help for whatever prevents her from being a functional parent or at least not a willful burden on her daughter. You're taking care of her as if she's elderly or severely sick when you're only 26 and she doesn't even seem grateful >_> like she doesn't even see problem with it as if she's just entitled to it and doesn't seem to care that by not pulling her own weight she's preventing you from saving up to move out and start your own life. I hope you can eventually get out of there and big props to you for not going completely insane

It's so conflicting for me because I REALIZE my mom has been through a lot and it's only fairly recently within the last few years I actually started "growing up" but so many of these problems are systemic or behavioral and like

Ok. So you could even completely remove all of me and my moms arguments over chores and housework and all that, and she still does still like "oh the garage door is operating a little wonky and I tried to contact the management several times but they never responded so I JUST STOPPED PAYING RENT ON IT FOR MONTHS" LIKE IS SHE ACTUALLY INSANE???? She's lucky they didn't come and physically change the pin code and lock us out and throw out all our stuff! It's SUPPOSED to be protecting her car from the weather but since we moved about 2 years ago "oh the walk is just so far now" so now its a glorified storage locker while her already rusting 20+ year old car she bought secondhand only a few years ago sits out in the snow and salt and rain. Her hubcaps were cracked and she "didn't like how it looked" so she just. Completely removed them and now her tires are slowly getting weather damaged because "oh its better to have no hubcaps than look ghetto" no it doesn't you stupid cunt this is a 20+ year old car? The wiring for the radio and car chargers doesn't even work anymore??? You're lugerally having to replace your car every like 5 years do you not realize how not fucking normal that is???

Putting the rest under a rm because life is bullshit and I kind of ramble for a long time

One day I'm in my room trying to sleep and I hear her on the phone sounding really upset. She had an old debt on a car from like 10 years ago and its been collecting interest this whole time. It's just like. She doesn't even know about all her fucking debts anymore. And she's dragging me down too. Years ago, literal years ago, I gave her permission to put my name on a cable bill and she completely forgot about it and now i get nonstop robocalls because now i have an unpaid debt on my credit report. I'm nearly ready to give them her name and phone number and say she used my name without my consent

She just. I try to temper myself and see things from her perspective, yeah I can be really lazy, yeah a lot of days I DO just come home and sit in my room and I don't come out, but she would still have a LIST of issues? I only found out about this garage shit yesterday and I said "jesus chrisr how many months behind are we now because of you?" "Several" SHE DOESNT EVEN CARE, her mentality is "oh they aren't coming to fix the door or replying to me so I'm not gonna pay until they do" BITCH THEY COULD ADD INTEREST AND LATE FEES, YOU DONT HAVE A JOB RIGHT NOW?

I'm just constantly crying because I don't. Know what to do? I was toxic codependent with her for so many years because of trauma and she tries to shelter and protect me because horrible child abusive dad etc etc etc, but now I'm an adult and she's still doing a lot of the same issues I've ALWAYS seen? Like I was literally an elementary schooler having adult conversations with her mother my grandma for Years asking "what is wrong with mom"

Like. It's having an extremely negative affect on me that basically my biggest source of support is dismissive and talks over me but also expects me to constantly dish out empathy for her. I'm literally becoming like one of those bratty teenager characters who is mean to their parent 24/7 because, it's just like. Every time I turn around she's making mistakes? She took too many Naproxen and almost made herself extremely sick and then t9ld me I needed medication and was acting hysterical even after a LISCENSED TOXICOLOGIST told her she was lucky Zhe wasn't in excruciating pain and vomiting. She'll burn food because she'll assume how it's cooked because shebhas like a legit8mate mental disorder with reading instructions, like my whole entire life she would literally be assembling furniture without even reading the instructions

She just lives in her own little world "where it's ok if I make a mistake but if anyone else does it's because they're a diversity hire, if im late on payments people should work with me and let me make payment arrangements even if it's literally against their policy and they're cunts if they don't it's not my fault for not paying" like I literally told her to her face "is it some sort of defense mechanism that you literally CANT admit when you're wrong?"

I'm still. I'm still so fucking upset over the pills. She took a ton of pills and kept taking them without really even keeping track of how many she was taking "because I wanted the pain to stop" and even then that pain is because she kept putting off going to the dentist and she literally WORKS IN THE MEDICAL FIELD, SHE SHOULD KNOW HOW THIS SHIT WORKS. And then she yells at me "YOUVE NEVER BEEN IN EXCRUCIATING PAIN BEFORE" and its like YES I LITERALLY HAVE, I HAD TO HAVE SURGERY FOR IT, TWICE

It just makes me feel so small. It makes me feel so silenced. I'll try to talk to her about these issues and if I'm not ext4a special sweet and kissing her ass "you're being a bitch, you can't speak to me like that" and she refuses to actually finish the conversation so we can Work Things Out so we have to have the SAME CONVERSATIONS over and over and over and nothing changes. I know I'm one to talk but she literally has some sort of personality disorder and then she passed so much unhealthy shit on to me????

She's only 58 but slowly declining in health and I worry constantly when this "im too old/tired/I have a headache, you do it" bullshit will escalate and she stops working. Because she doesn't have any savings and I have SO much anger towards her I don't trust myself to be a caregiver for her.

I'm medicating the stress with weed to the point I'm pretty sure it's actually making me hyper aggressive and I'm genuinely ready to go back to being an alcoholic sometimes. I just want to be alone in the dark and not talk to anyone or hear anyone. It's just at the point where I'm constantly mean to her because it's like "oh you made this really small mistake like you forgot something at home and now we have to circle back? I WOULD be ok with that if you didn't make mistakes literally every single day to the point I call you subhuman"

I'm constantly experiencing really harsh stomach issues daily and I'm amazed I'm nkr prematurely graying. Pretty sure my hairline is receding? And I try to talk to her about that because she failed cosmetology school twice and I won't even finish my sentence before she fuckint interrupts me

And I'll say "why is there legitimately never one single day where you aren't interrupting me, like they literally teach us in DBT therapy that you need to be mindful and liaten to someone speaking instead of interrupting with your reply" and she'll just say "but YOU do it all the time"

Like can you understand how like horrifically horrifically violent I want to be when I literally cannot bring up even one issue without her DEFLECTING, IMMEDIATELY???? "Hey mom I think my hairline is receding and I still vividly remember how you would repeatedly tell me to wear my ponytail tighter and higher up because 'wearing it low is like a man' and I think that was really unnecessary" "what, that was a long time ago, you blame me for everything--" "can you at least acknowledge that was a thing you actually said and did and that it upset me" "you're always trying to blame me for--" "can you literally just say ok I'm sorry that happened that would literally be the end of the conversation" "you're always trying to dig up old drama, this is just like when YOU--"

I'll be at work and I'll be too stressed to even focus because sometimes I don't even trust her in our own fucking home. She'll text me "hey is this reptile thermometer supposed to read these numbers" and this will be a conversation we've already had several times in the past and she will turn off the AC or turn the heat up or down amd then go to bed without even waiting for me to reply like she has literally almost given my reptiles heat stroke by turning off the AC and just opening windows

Like you can literally pull up an academic article about shaving doesn't make your hair grow back thicker and this moronic fucking loser will legitimately clap back with "well I had a friend who was a dermatologist and she said--" like. It's Dana's Reality or you're wrong. Only she is right and deserves welfare and handouts and sympathy and exceptions but everyone else is just too lazy or not trying hard enough or her favorite accusation, that I deliberately sabotage myself because I want to wallow in sadness

It's just. It's getting to the point I may have to run away for HER safety instead of my own because when you try to talk and talk and talk and eventually what little talking you do is all nasty words, eventually I just think "God, will she listen if I fucking hit her, is that what it'll take, will that wake her up" but she would just happily throw me in jail just like when she got up in my sisters face when she was 17 and my sister just slapped her one time and my mom had her arrested "as a punishment" and was mad when she paid bail and was released the following day

I just. I'm so lost. I think the only real answer is to leave but I'm not self sufficient enough and I'm definitely not healthy for such a huge dramatic change. Meanwhile my job is getting harder because people keep quitting and I just feel so insanely overwhelmed. It just literally feels like there's no point in me being alive anymore. I keep getting set back or too tired to move forward. Like I had an argument with my mom before my shift instantly went "dude what if you just have this one final shift before you're off the next few days and then just KILL YOURSELF before you have to go back to work" and those thoughts just, occur casually at this point. Mild suicidal ideation?

I dunno. I constantly ask myself if it's even ethical for me to even talk about my own feelings because it could be argued that I'm just stressing and traumatizing people. Like I constantly ask myself, "if I ever did anything to hurt myself, should I post something so people at least know where I went or would that be horrible and manipulative and traumatic and awful of me to do" like. I'm Definitely Normal having Defnitely Normal Thoughts.

I hate even saying all of this but I just. I dunno. I'm a coward. I'm literally so fucked up that sometimes when I laugh the shaking of my body like does something to my brain and i instantly transition into sobbing. I'm just another wage slave leaving a record of my woe behind idk. At least there are SOME people in this world who recognize my pain

#im literally at work and i juat want to cry in the bathroom or run out onto the neighboring highway

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churbo · 3 years

Text

hi here's a jojo sketch dump ill explain thoughts and tidbits underneath the keep reading ^_^

hiii sorry for no jojo i was doing this + real life stuff + oc stuff + L + ratio

first one is just dinopants doodles in like a modern (?) au i guess for summer uhhhh thats.... it i just like dinopants i think theyre funny...

second is a Caesar piece idea i had. thats really it there aint much beyond it lol probably wont be finishing it tho i dont really like da composition plus perspective is a bitch!!!!!!!!!!

third is older jonaerina because im soft and squishy like mashed potate.... you cannot convince me that jonathan would not grow facial hair to SOME degree if he got to be old okay it just... fucking makes sense think about it.... hes a teddy bear.... just add the facial hair and crap and BOOM.... grandpaified .....

fourth is ? jolymes ???? mermaid.? thing? idk i drew jolyne first and her face was wonky so i just made her into sorta of like a mermaid thingy ? and then drew hermes. I drew foof last minute to add in space theyre just chillin'

Moving onto one of the more doodley things, fifth is just. primarily anasui for some reason? I drew the right one first, didn't like it, googled anasui, and then tried to redraw that picture and it didnt work. so then i drew foof to just do something else and then they looked cute so i drew anasui as well and yeah... yeah ^_^

okay finally the obligatory golden wind doodles... i drew girono dying his hair bc i was waiting for the color to set in mine and it was my first time bleaching my hair as well soooo gotta do it to a character i like too! Nara dying his hair was just a little after thought. Completely forgot he dyed his hair before sooooo it doesnt make too much sense by accident. Fugo and Abbacchio brushing his hair is a VERY big hc i have of them bonding bc. white haired bitches ride and die together. Abba brushes fugo's hair to relax and just sorta. tap out while fugo reads a book and enjoys the physical closeness and just. general enjoyment of being groomed lol. Tangly ass hair though so abba has to like man grip the brush and gets bitchy about it. Finally its just Bruno trying to read a sign saying hot dogs theres no other context

if u read this i luv u mwah ur epic

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cecelianonymous22 · 4 years

Text

Creep | Expensive Headphones Full Comic + commentary

Just click on the panels if you don’t wanna see all the commentary.

This was actually the first time I did a perspective like this. I found a reference for hoodies and used a back-facing one similar to the panel

First time I’ve done this pose. I got the reference from here. Also look at that crushing man!

I honestly don’t know where I was going with the angel wings. Like- I thought I was gonna add more visuals like that but I kinda..didn’t?

Kinda don’t like this bc it looks wonky. But yeah, point is, bullies succ

I have a thing where like- my side profiles are inconsistent to my normal style?? Idk, its fuckin stupid sometimes but im working on it.

Also I kept forgetting Michael’s headphones hA-

This one was kind of a pain in the ass tbh. Bc I didn’t copy and past anything like I should’ve. And also because I had an inefficient way of using the bucket tool so i had to fill in all the edges

This wasn’t an original idea but I can’t find the original post. All I know is that it’s somewhere on Tumblr

ASHLEEEY! SQUIP MOOOOM!

Sorry, I love her lmao. My friend Evan created this specific design for Rich’s mom/Squip and I kinda took it as gospel because it just Makes sense

ft. me remembering that Rich has tattoos

(btw! the undercut and the natural hair are slightly different colors. fun trivia for ya)

Lmao I hated the hand in the last frame so I just kinda..cut it out..

Also I had drawn the spark thing as green for some reason. The reason it’s a slightly different blue than Ashley is bc i was too lazy to go back over it so i just changed the hue

I know this looks like ass but I never really draw with perspective like this

Like, the podium looks good

But RIch? Eh...

(Btw, i used a thing call 3D viewer on my laptop to figure out the podium)

I would just like to note that there’s a little scene transition between this panel and the next one.

I just

Didn’t realize how it would look together

ft. me remembering Michael’s headphones

Funky silhouettes

Funky backgrounds

This looked way worse than I originally had planned

But hey, look at that hand! The expressions are garbage but that hand!

ft. my art cooperating with me for once (minus Michael’s hand smh)

Btw, this whole scene is after Michael’s breakdown, which is why he’s trying to get out in the last panel

In this panel, Rich is pretty much just trying to persuade Michael

now kith

the arm sucks but yeah thats a lighter

also i probably mentioned this in the part i posted it in but

i highkey kinda hc that they hooked up in this time frame

and thats how Rich stole Michael’s lighter

but im not fucking drawing that so

just know ig

ew inconsistent side perspectives

ew inconsistent door

ft. hickeys ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

The most detailed panel of the entire comic

CINNABUN

CINNAB-

yo look at that

a side perspective thats not ASS

fun fact

Jeremy and Michael’s hair are both messed up for the same reason ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Except in Jeremy’s situation it wasnt exactly consensual but..go off ig..

lowkey dont like this but yk

it works

back at it again with the bad side views

btw i almost forgot his burns!

or well

i did forget and then went back to edit them in

the

bisexual epiphany

ft. Michael overhearing and getting flustered bc Halloween

Alright that’s all the boyfs content yall are getting, sorry /lh, g

Oh but this was a first too! For hugs n shit. Here’s the reference I used

ft. me getting better with expressions!!

this little scene is honestly just, Michael cracking a joke or some kinda comment and Rich being all :)) about it

happy bois

starting to catch a little bit of feels

and the get well soon bear :))

But there you have it! There’s my comic

I’m really happy that I was able to finish it! Especially considering I started it in August, I think

Normally I lose motivation for that kinda shit but nope! Not this time! :))

Also I just think we need to overthrow the Boyfs supremacy so

I’m trying to do that with Expensive Headphones content

But yeah! Thanks to everyone who enjoys this comic! You all make my day!

#bmc #expensive headphones #creep comic #creep #radiohead #michael mell #rich goranski #rich x michael #michael x rich #jeremy heere #jake dillinger #brooke lohst #jenna rolan #christine canigula #cinnabun #christine x jenna #jenna x christine #platonic boyf riends #platonic richjake

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loregoddess · 3 years

Note

Ib and Ff7

FF7 is under the cut bc I Had Some Thoughts about it, and I am so sorry.

Ib:

Favorite thing about that game: I was NOT expecting to end up as emotionally invested as I got after like, a handful of minutes playing it? Like it's a little indie rpg maker game and yet it's honestly one of the most impactful games I've ever played.

Least favorite thing about that game: The motion controls are a bit wonky which like, small indie rpg maker game mechanics are to blame, but it made getting out of the mini-maze hell when I was on my "I have to save Garry" run.

Favorite character in that game: Garry, I've never gotten so attached to a fictional character in such a short amount of time only to be BETRAYED by my own choices, resulting in him being dead and in a painting for my first ending.

Would I recommend it? Why? Yes yes yes, it's free, it's fun, and it only takes like, 30 minutes to play.

Free space to go off about something! Despite Mary being the antagonist and responsible for Garry's death in several endings, I do feel a bit bad for her and wish there was an ending where Ib could like, save both Garry and Mary. It doesn't make much sense for the overall mood of the story, but still.

Rating out of 10: 9/10, good game overall, strong narrative, slightly wonky controls, excellent soundtrack, endearing aesthetics.

FF7:

Favorite thing about that game: It has a really interesting plot and cast of characters, and just a really strong narrative overall. Getting into all the extended compilation stuff was easy because the initial game experience left me wanting to explore more. The Remake does a really good job integrating a lot of this extended lore into...whatever the Remake's narrative is trying to do.

Least favorite thing about that game: The fandom--Okay, for real though, in the original game I hated Aerith's death. Like, yes, from a story perspective as the player because she was one of my favorite characters, but I actually think that was strong writing for the narrative development. What I mean is that mechanically it was a hideous decision because it leaves this gaping hole in the game. Maybe the player was using her and now has to try and get a character they weren't used to using up to level speed with Cloud and whoever else they were using for their main battle party, and that's just frustrating from a player perspective, but also when she leaves she takes everything except the materia she was carrying with her and the player looses access to that entirely for the rest of the game, but can still purchase her staffs and stuff from in-game vendors? Like, knowing this now what's the point of using her at all for the first part of the game? There's literally no point in leveling her up when I could use the exp for someone else, and there's no reason to buy her any good equipment because her most powerful staff is in the last dungeon you can use her in and you could give her any throwaway bracelet because you're going to lose it anyway. It literally makes no sense from a mechanic standpoint and I hate it because the original game's mechanics are already wonky (although that wasn't entirely rare for that era's jrpgs) but then just having this mechanical gap appear halfway through the game just messes things up even more. The original FF7 game has a lot going on in it, but because there's so much I feel it lacks the sort of polish it could have had, and I especially feel that Aerith's death just made the lackluster mechanics feel more insulting. However, the Remake has so far done a fair job of balancing the party mechanics so that even if the writers do decide to kill off Aerith again, I don't think there will be the mechanical gap that the original game suffered from because the Remake is much more mechanically balanced and well-designed.

Favorite character in that game: Aerith and Tifa, even when I was playing through the original game with it's really wonky writing (or localization, maybe), I just liked them a lot. Aerith breaks a lot of the "jrpg squishy healer girl narrative's heart" tropes I've come to expect, and Tifa had a lot of depth stemming from all that was going on in her personal character arc, and I really appreciated the writing for both. The Remake's kept the momentum and added even more details that make me love these two even more. Special mention goes to Nanaki (Red XIII) because would it wouldn't be a game series I've been obsessed with if I didn't love one of the characters the main writing team loves to ignore.

Would I recommend it? Why? Y...yes? I mean, sort of. Like my very long rant shows, I'm not actually a fan of the mechanics of the original game, and that's saying a lot since I actually love a lot of old game's for their wonky mechanics. But like, I had a hard time figuring out the internal logic and battle systems, and I'm still not even sure what healing magic scales off of right now, or the most effective use of materia and other items to their maximum effect, which is something I usually pride myself for knowing in jrpgs. The story is really interesting, but there's also a lot of plot gaps that sometimes get explored in extended lore but were never hinted at in the original narrative (like, when I found out that Tseng and Rufus not only survived their "this character very much just got killed on screen" deaths, but got quasi-redemption arcs, I was so, so confused). Also the general pacing is really weird, like the Midgar section sets up the Turks as being Really Serious antagonists, but then they just. End up being comic relief for the rest of the game, and slightly annoying boss fights. Rufus gives this really dramatic speech about how he's going to be a tyrant who rules by fear and then spends the rest of the game Not Doing That, instead chasing after Sephiroth and failing and then dying but not really dying bc as I noted, that got retconned. Hojo is literally one of the most evil characters in the story and the root of almost every issue, but you also get directions from him on a beach surrounded by girls in sexy (for PS1 era graphics) swimsuits, and it's like, why? So like, the original is decent and has a lot of interesting points, and the ost is amazing, but the mechanics are wonky and the actual plot flow is...weird. So like, if you just want to know the story, watch a playthrough, but if you want the challenge of the wacky mechanics (which I know damn well people have figured out and made incredibly strong end-game teams), then go ahead and play it yourself. As for the Remake, I would suggest at least watching the original game to get to know the narrative to better understand how the Remake is changing the direction of the story, but also like, I'd recommend it just because it's plain fun, the mechanics are pretty easy to pick up, the ost is still amazing, and the narrative is even more rich. I would suggest a handful of things from the extended compilation works to better enjoy some of the Remake additions (i.e. the novel where Kyrie and Leslie first appeared as characters, they're both actually super amazing and the Remake only skims the surface with them), but like, it's not necessary for the overall enjoyment of the Remake.

Free space to go off about something! I've gone off about enough already, but I would suggest avoiding the fandom if you're interesting in getting into the game because there's so much petty arguing over shipping nonsense and what is or isn't canon, like, it's not the most toxic fandom I've ever seen but it's not what I'd call fun either. Would fully recommend the entire compilation though, I really loved all the novels/short stories, and even just watching playthroughs of the games related to FF7 was so much fun and added so much depth to the world and characters. Would recommend Advent Children, but only after playing/watching the original game and reading at least On a Way To a Smile (and additionally reading The Kids Are Alright for the Complete version of the movie) because nothing in the movie makes any damned sense otherwise.

Rating out of 10: Original game is 6/10, and the Remake is 9/10

#I am so sorry the second section is so long #I even cut parts from it to try and sound less petty about things but I have Many Thoughts #ask meme #lookerdewitt #I still don't have an ask tag

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moved-attre · 4 years

Text

Here is my review of Cyberpunk 2077! It is a bullet point list of what I liked, and did not like about the game. I mean no offense in my writing, and am, of course, willing to be educated if I am wrong about anything! But please do not send me anonymous hate. I know many fans and haters of this game can be very, uh... So take it all with a grain of salt, and form your own opinions.

This is very long and likely boring so if you manage to make it to the end, I will be very impressed! Also, I may ramble or repeat myself, sorry. There’s more bad points than good, since the game is very glitchy and I couldn’t not mention the glitches I have experienced.

Obviously, this contains major spoilers! 👁👄👁

I’ll start off by saying, this is a game where you will likely not get what you expected. If you expected Cyberpunk 2077 to be a game filled with features that were never before seen, to revolutionise the gaming industry as we know it and become the most iconic video game ever made... You will not get that. If you expected it to be the worst, most irredeemable video game ever created that you’ll hate... You will not get that, either. If you expected a game that is a fairly standard RPG with some impressive graphics when played on a high spec PC, albeit with some bad glitches and a wonky story with lots of potential, then you’ve got it!

Pros:

The majority of the voice acting, such as in V, Johnny and Viktor, was very good and emotional. Viktor in particular made me tear up! And the way V manages to sound almost like Johnny with the subtle accent change was amazing!

The character’s such as Takemura, Jackie, the LIs, Johnny, Viktor, Misty (I could go on) and even many random NPCs were interesting! I wanted to know them and loved their relevant missions. The best ones were unromanceable, of course, but that’s what imagination is for.

THE ALDECALDOS! I love them! A found family, and I wish there was more to do with them other than Panam’s missions and a few side missions. I love found family, and I’m disappointed V couldn’t form their own, so I’ll take what I can get and love the Aldecaldos, even if V can’t join them until the very end. Panam had the best missions of all the LI’s, even if the last one felt very abrupt. (At least, on her friendship route.)

Night City felt alive. There was always plenty going on, it felt like a real city, and it could be beautiful.

Jackie and Corpo V’s friendship was lovely. I loved their “To this!” inside joke, and I loved how Jackie roasted V but would jump to their defence in a second. It didn’t feel forced at all.

There’s lots of environmental storytelling. The atmosphere of a city choking to death under it’s own pollution/corruption was very apparent in the areas not lived in by the rich. Lots of homeless characters, violence, drugs, absolute poverty, trash (The dump! I felt sick just looking at it, and I couldn’t even smell it! Poor V, though.) and general apathy from a lot of the residents really sold the concept.

Johnny and V’s dynamic was the best part of the story! I hated him at first, but slowly came to enjoy his commentary and advice. His interactions with V were very funny at times, and thoughtful at other times. He was an interesting perspective for the player to consider, while still being an asshole you could dislike for much of the story. He has some really emotional scenes and I played a V that viewed him as a friend, so it was really nice hearing him call V the closest person he’d ever had. They became so devoted to each other! CDPR did good with this element, but I can’t help wishing for more. The dynamic had so much more to give, and a romance/happy ending could have worked.

And to add on, the mission where Johnny takes over V’s body to go on a bender was great! I loved all the moments to play as Johnny in V’s body. All the symbolism between them was so good. Every mission matters, and you can replay to look closer at details! He also comments on other side missions with no personal relevance to him, which was neat.

All the enemies had unique names. A minor detail, but it made me feel some guilt over killing them. 🤣 I think all character’s had unique names, which is such a nice detail.

The soundtrack was incredible, I loved every original piece and radio song. I have several saved on Spotify, which is big praise coming from me! I very rarely listen to video game soundtracks.

V can adopt a cat! 🐈‍⬛ It was adorable, and Johnny’s interaction with it made me tear up!

The size of the map was good, not too big or too small. I got about 100 hours of play in by exploring, which is pretty good to me! I got lost a few times, but always found something interesting to do in the meanwhile. I loved the Badlands especially.

Some of the side missions, particularly the more mysterious ones involving investigating deaths and the cyberpsychos, were very enjoyable! I’m a big slut for mystery, and there were some interesting cases to figure out. I wish we could’ve done missions like that with River, though, especially once he becomes a PI.

I was complaining about the lack of aliens in CP2077, but I suppose we did get a couple space themed missions which was pretty fun. I still want to go experience going into orbit, though. 👽 Or the moon!

Separating voice and body in the CC was a good idea, even if it was handled a little strangely. I’ll talk about this more in the ‘Cons’ section below!

Act 2 was my favorite part of the game, but it blended weirdly with Act 3 and that put me off. I am nostalgic for Act 1, but not eager to replay it because it felt so slow... I’m not sure on this point! I liked Act 2 because the story picked up and I was excited for more, but the more I got wasn’t as I expected. So, yes, Act 2 was good.

The scenery is very beautiful, and sometimes the outside lighting is absolutely perfect. The Arasaka parade mission was lovely to look at. I always stop the car and watch the sunrise/sunset, and I like going out to the Badlands to look at the stars!

An addition to that, is the lighting in some main quest missions. Very noir! It made for some beautiful screenshots. (Of which I sadly can’t share because my game doesn’t record well on medium settings. 😳)

The motorcycles are fun to drive! Mainly because I can zoom in between cars and Jackie’s motorcycle has a lot of sentimental value, as well as other vehicles like Johnny’s Porsche and Jake’s car. You can open the trunk to dump bodies in, which was a cool detail., and each one drives differently!

There could be amazing attention to detail, such as making Jackie look like his mother. I expected his mother to be a randomly generated NPC, but she was completely unique. It’s the minor things like that which stood out to me the most.

The scanner was a fun tool and very useful! I liked being able to find alternative ways to do a mission, it felt more realistic than the standard “massacre everybody, pick up an item and get out” fetch quests normally seen in RPGs. I could sneak in a tunnel or a side door! Perhaps irritating and unnecessary to some, but I liked it. I love utilising every possible option.

The interface color changes if you have Johnny controlling V’s body. Another small but good detail! The game is good with the minor details.

The sex scenes were not... awful. I expected much, much worse! I expected fully animated first person porn. Instead, I thought they were fairly realistic and intended to be romantic. Still very awkward, though, and unnecessary.

When they didn’t glitch, the animations were very good. Not as impressive as I hoped, probably because of glitches, but in line with other AAA games like Horizon Zero Dawn, I suppose? I noticed Judy’s animations in particular as being good, and Johnny had lots of unique ones too!

The clothing options are very fun, I like the holographic items and “Bitch” clothes, hehe. Also including Hijabs! 🧕 Great idea, and more games should do that.

The diversity of the NPCs was welcome. I enjoyed seeing Native American, Asian, Black and Latinx NPCs who weren’t there just to suffer! They would occupy important roles in the story, such as Fixers or friends/romance options for V, so they were pretty much unavoidable! It felt very natural, and they helped Night City feel more realistic.

Adding to that, the different cultures included were interesting too! I liked the Haitian characters in Pacifica.

The photo mode is pretty good. Not as good as I expected, the camera angle presets were useful but the filters weren’t very good. I liked that the photo mode could be used in cutscenes, though! It was standard, and I hope more bits will be added in for it.

A lot of the glitches are hilarious, but I recognise not all will share that opinion so I’m just adding this down here. The T-Posing NPCs are a highlight for me. Call that the Skyrim effect.

Cons:

No NB gender options/No pronoun options. Would they/them have been so difficult to implement?

No body or height sliders. There’s so many fat character’s in the game! Why can I not make my V fat? Or muscular?

Gender restrictive hairstyles and clothes. Come on, guys, it’s 2020/2077! Aren’t we beyond gender restrictive appearance options?

No tattoo parlours, no plastic surgeons and no hairstylists for V to change their appearance. I don’t understand why a CC was included at all, since we spent the majority of the game in first person. It reminded me of Far Cry.

The main story started off strong, albeit slow, picked up in Act 2, then felt very rushed in Act 3. The point of no return was very abrupt!

The celebrity cameos felt very gimmicky. The one exception to this is Keanu Reeves, who did a very good job as Johnny. Genuinely brought tears to my eyes at times... but Grimes was just embarrassing! Why was she there! A talented VA could have done Lizzy Wizzy much better, giving her actual emotions instead of just monotone “boredom”.

I don’t know what the point of owning apartments is. You can only sleep in V’s bed, what is the point of looking in the mirror? V has no use for their terminal in their apartment, they never get any messages after the first time they meet Johnny. It was so unnecessary, especially when there’s several across the map. I can access the stash of weapons and clothes from my car! Why would I ever need to go home? Judy gives me her apartment and I’m like, girl, I’m never visiting unless you have a mission to give me.

Also, there are no penalties for not showering or sleeping. I wanted character’s to comment on that! Call me stinky or tell me I look exhausted!

V doing side missions makes no sense, and no explanation is given for why we can do them. Why would V, who is dying and has precious few days left to live, be driving for hours on end to deliver packages and shoot random criminals? When they could be figuring out how to survive the biochip! Who the hell would care about a some extra money or buying every available car for sale, when they’re dying of something that could be preventable?

Some side missions were either very poorly done or obviously majorly glitched, since it felt like they skipped important parts and I was often very confused at the end of them! For example, the Corpo V side mission was so short! I expected to be able to hunt down Abernathy and get revenge for V and Jenkins, but instead, I shoot some random assistant I don’t even remember? And that’s it? Done in 2 minutes! If that! What is the point of that? I didn’t even have fun! Also, what happened to Garry? I wanted to save him but V just never follows up on it.

And, I wish we got closure with T-Bug. The fact that V never bothers to find her body and give her a proper burial was just poor form.

The endings were not... good. There are technically 6 different endings, all wrapped up into 3 parts. In my opinion, the best ending is the one where V kills themselves and has a very “Arthur Morgan watching his last sunset” vibe. It made me cry. Another good ending is having Johnny take over V’s body forever, as you can really see how much Johnny has changed as a person thanks to V’s influence. But they still felt very... eh and the story just never got that boost it needed, ending before it could take off. In the “best” ending, the Nomand ending with Panam, V ”survives” but has only another few months to live. So they die off screen. Satisfying? Uh, no. Not at all. There’s no possible ending where V has any hope of survival, but I much preferred being there with V until the very end. I disagree with the people calling Johnny’s ending the “bad” ending, because it really isn’t! I ignore all of this of course, and my V is living happily ever after.

I kind of hate that CP2077 has this illusion of options when some are clearly intended to be chosen more than others. Judy and Panam have the best endings in term of romance. Why bother with River and Kerry? Kerry is more of a fling than an actual romance, and is met very late in the game at a point where you can ignore him completely and just end the game, and River’s romance is so glitched that many people can’t even do it fully, and in every ending he dumps you, so it feels like none of it mattered to him despite him being the most “domestic” of the possible LI’s...

Takemura’s ending! He died in my playthrough, because the game didn’t tell me I could save him. That really annoyed me. Also, I recognise that V is in no place to lecture him, and there is some wisdom to his quote: “You speak against corporations yet offer no valid alternative.” But, Goro, bro... anything is better than fascist mega corporations keeping most of the city in absolute poverty, while waging devastating wars against other mega corporations? I wish we could have opened his eyes a little. There’s a good, even ground between Takemura believing Corps to be doing the best for humanity and Johnny being willing to kill 12k people for a revolution. This game went a little “capitalism is bad, but the alternative is worse!” at times, in my opinion. I wish more could have been done against the corporations, instead they just kind of... exist... in the background. And I know, “Realism! “ because we live with massive corporations like Amazon in our lives and can do fuck all about them but we’re not V. V is an absolute unit who survives death multiple times... I wish there had been two paths, like do Johnny’s path and work against the system or do Takemura’s path and work with the system? Sort of like The Witcher 2?

You know how in Saints Row, The Boss has homies they can call on for help? I wanted V to have homies to help them out in fights. It felt pointless building trust with the Fixers only to not have them help out at all with fights against the NCPD/Militech/Arasaka in their territories.

The stealth mechanics are not good. They are funny! But not very good. Often, It’s better to just attack and save yourself the trouble of sneaking only to get caught by a guard who can see through the back of his head.

The fact that you cannot get arrested and have someone bust you out of jail. Maybe RDR2 set my expectations too high, but I thought this would have been included.

I’ve read about the cut content, and I’m really disappointed they weren’t included in the game. Wall running would have been amazing! And the police hiring mercs to hunt V down? I would have loved to see it! 😔

Driving cars is terrible. Just awful. Sometimes, you crash. Other times you’re flung up into the air and break through the sky into the void, spinning for all eternity.

River’s glitched romance deserves a special mention. The relationship just drops off suddenly and you cannot interact with him properly again. It does not affect the main story at all, so you wonder, what was the point? The text messages also glitch and V will sent messages that you can’t control, leading to disappointing dialogue, like with Joss.

The romances in general were just not all that impressive. I was expecting something great, considering there was only 4 and thought they’d really affect the main story, but I’d only recommend Panam and Judy. I would have played the game just as well without romances, and they felt very unnecessary but I wanted to do one to get the most possible story content. I think we should all leave romances in RPG’s as the exception, not the norm. Some studio’s can do them well, other’s cannot. CDPR cannot, in my opinion...

Obviously the many glitches and bugs, several of which are game breaking. I usually have to reload a save at least once an hour, because an NPC won’t talk to me or I can’t move the mouse to select different dialogue options! Or my gun won’t equip, so I die.

The AI in general is very bad. Sometimes cars will stop in the middle of junctions for no reason, causing you to crash or mount the sidewalk to get past, meaning you’ll likely run someone down and get a police warrant. NPCs just walk from one end of the road and back again, over and over on a loop. It’s very creepy!

The lighting, mostly inside buildings. Everything is pitch black! Why does V not own a flashlight? The amount of enemies I’ve barrelled into and alerted because I couldn’t see is too much.

The lack of dialogue choice, it was less interactive than what I’d been told to expect. There was only two or three options, with one only ever rarely being unique to one of V’s three possible background choices and most will yield the same results with a few exceptions, like avoiding combat.

V’s personality is already decided by the game, and is not really customisable. Do not expect full control over your V’s personality, as they are very much a canon character and exist outside of your (limited) choices. I didn’t expect Baldur's Gate 3 levels of customisation, but I did expect something more like Dragon Age 2’s dialogue wheel? Nice, Sarcasm and Angry? You know?

Obviously, the seizure inducing scenes were very dangerous. I get a headache whenever I have to do a braindance, and I wish it was skippable!

Accessibility as a whole is very much an afterthought in this game, I think. The subtitles are in “speaking English”, so instead of: Hey, how are you? It’s: Heyyy, how’re ya? It is often difficult to understand, and sometimes I just couldn’t work out what was being said.

It’s nitpicky but I wanted to do a pacifist route and I realised you can’t, you need to kill certain character’s...

The main “villains” such as Yorinobu and Adam Smasher were very forgettable, and V had no personal stake in taking them out. I honestly forgot all about them. Takemura was talking about revenge and I’m like, who? Who are you talking about? Why are we kidnapping Hanako Arasaka, again? Johnny, why would I bother killing Adam Smasher? If they’d personally murdered Jackie, then yeah, I’d understand! But all V needs is to remove the chip and I don’t know... I just didn’t feel anything.

So, to summarise: I think CDPR were out of their depth. The long, very long, troubled development process was an indication of this before the game was even released, and the story I’ve experienced in the game is proof enough. I don’t think they knew what they wanted from this game, and as a result, we have a game that is honestly very confusing and frustrating with a story that always got close to gripping, but never quite makes it. All in all, I found this game to be pretty average. When the bugs are ironed out, I will think better of it. But as it stands, if I had to score it, I would give it a 6.5/10 or maybe 7/10. Good concept, somewhat misguided execution. The best part of the game was the Johnny/V dynamic, but I wasn’t satisfied with how it ended. They needed more time together! Anyway, it will be interesting to see what happens next.

#cp77 spoilers #cp77 critical #cyberpunk 2077 #I’ve already been vagued about a few times for my CP2077 opinions so I expect more to happen now I’m posting this hehe

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tar-oh · 4 years

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Pick-A-Pile! (2)

What will August bring you?

We’re almost half way though July, so I thought I’d do a pick-a-pile based on what your August will be like. I will be using some scrunchies I made the other day for the piles. Pick whichever scrunchie you feel calls to you (something I thought I’d never say...). Remember, you can have more than one! You might find something you resonate with in each pile!

Here are the scrunchies:

Pile 1:

Oof, sorry for the bad quality picture. My phone is the absolute worst and is probably on it’s last legs. Maybe August will bring me a new phone?

Full Moon Eclipse, 5 of wands, the world, 5 of swords, the high priestess, 10 of cups reversed, 10 of swords reversed, princess (page) of swords reversed, the world, mannaz

“Questioning things I can’t control.” - I Think Too Much by Christian French

Something has reached it's conclusion in your life. It may have been a messy one, with agitation on your part or another's. Or possibly, just an overall painful situation. Nevertheless, a door is shutting. In your heart, you know this, but you're blocking this end. You got The World twice, which tells me it's done. Complete. You also have two tens, which further this idea. Now, you're just being asked to let go of your hold on this situation and allow it to end naturally. You know it's for the best. A part of you is accepting it, but you're still blocking this end from happening. Let go and don’t question this. You feel that it's time.

(sorry, this one was pretty short and to the point).

Pile 2:

(Sorry, forgot to put the scrunchie in the picture, clearly I am just a mess. This is the one that’s got pink and green)

Blue Moon, Full Moon in Sagittarius, The Magician, The Chariot (x2), 9 of Pentacles rx (x2), The Sun, 5 of swords, Knight of Cups, the lovers, the tower reversed, hagalaz

“And I know it’s bad, but I just can’t wait.” - Charlie by Mallrat

“I notice you when you notice me.” - The Maze by Manchester Orchestra

Some of you are going to be jumping into something new. You got the Chariot twice, and that card can talk about travel, but also victory! I see a lot of movement with it, and when I pulled the second one, I actually got the song Cannonball by Grouplove stuck in my head. When I looked at the lyrics, I found them quite fitting. "Had 'em screaming out "Oh, my Lord", being cannonball, bringing all hell to the board." I see someone just saying “To Hell with it” and jumping into a pool, as if you’re diving into the deep end of some uncharted territory for you. This new thing can be a new project, or for some, I see a relationship. I've heard some people refer to 9 of Pentacles in the reversed position as the card signalling the end of being single. I think this is one factor to these cards being here (you got it twice). I don't usually assume this with this card, but I kind of felt that maybe this was going in this direction (for some), so I pulled a few more cards and got the Lovers and the Tower reversed. I'm reading the Tower reversed as an extreme tower moment, actually. Like, a cannonball of action. You're coming in fast with whatever you want to do or say, and it's going to shock a few people. Or, this could be vice-versa. Someone could be heading in your direction quickly (though for most I think it's you acting). Prior to this action, I see that you were feeling defeat. You may have had some set-backs, or you were having trouble with your self-worth. I think this could have led you to being fearful of change. In August, you're going to be seeing things from a new perspective, and that you need to put yourself first. For others (even if you’ve been having issues with your self-worth), I think you may make a move towards someone. Both Knight of Cups and the lyrics "And I know it's bad, but I just can't wait" from Charlie by Mallrat really make me think this. I'm taking the "it's bad" to mean you coming in so impulsively. For others, it's just something you've really wanted to do, and you're finally ready to get into action. Whatever it is, it's going to bring you happiness. You’re unsure of what it will bring, but you’re still diving in. You're being asked not to be worried about the small things. Feel confident, because you're going to be lucky with whatever this is. It's definitely a rare opportunity ("Once in a Blue Moon"). Seriously, just cannonball in. (also listen to Cannonball by Grouplove because I think it might give you some motivation to do so).

Pile 3:

Supermoon, Page of Cups reversed, 10 of swords, 6 of pentacles, death reversed, The Emperor, 9 of swords reversed, the moon reversed, thurisaz

“What you think I am, it’s never been me.” - So Far, So Fast by The National (wow, first appearance today!)

“The Sun will rise, and we will try again.” - Truce, by Twenty One Pilots

You're currently going through a time of anxiety and fear, and your emotions are a bit wonky too. Negative thought patterns are circling your mind, and you're starting to question who you even are. You may be feeling like you're either too dependent on others, or that you're giving too much of yourself. This makes you feel exhausted and does not help your thought patterns. During August, you'll be learning to control these thought patterns and stabilize how you're emotions present themselves on the surface. You are changing, but currently you're avoiding this since you don't want to dive inside yourself any deeper. It's looking a little murky in there, and you're afraid to find more swords. Though, like the song Truce says, "The Sun will rise, and we will try again." So, even though it's dark right now, tomorrow is a new day. There are things you feel uncertain about, (especially who you are- "What you think I am, it's never been me".) but you have all the answers and you will be able to figure this out. I suggest writing down your favorite qualities about yourself. I know it may be hard when you’re feeling so anxious, but by having a list of them you’ll be able to focus on what you want to portray to everyone (and yourself). Sit and get to know yourself. I pulled The Emperor for your pile. The Emperor is someone who has control and power. They're stable. I'm seeing this as who you'll start to embody in August. You'll learn to take care of yourself better, thinking less negative thoughts. Or, you're learning how to be more independent. Whichever situation you find yourself in, I see August as being a big month for figuring out who you are and how you fit into this world.

Let me know which pile(s) you picked and if they resonated at all!

#tarot #pick a pile #pick a card #definitely think i see similarities to some of the other piles in the last one...#also similar themes from my daily cards #makes me think we're all just trying to find ourselves right now #i personally related most to pile 3 #though it was really weird with the song in pile 2 never had that happen before

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kingofdirtandnothing · 4 years

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@polyfacetious big ass Christmas Drabble Extravagaza: Day Thirteen

To say the house was a fixer upper was kind of, maybe an understatement.

To say that it was a strong breeze away from being condemned was a little bit more dramatic in the other direction, but the house rested firmly between the two of them. Barely livable, an eyesore.

Bertie loved it.

“You know what I see when I look at this house?” He’s pretty sure that Stiles’ cough sounds remarkably like asbestos poisoning but Bertie ignores it. Stiles would come around in time, he just needed to see things from a new perspective.

“I see opportunity. This place will basically come down to the frames. Which means that we get to choose everything when we build it back up, kiddo. We get to choose the paint, the flooring, where the walls are, the windows, closets. Everything. This can be our…”

For just a moment, he hears Ruthie’s voice when Stiles answers. “Our forever house.” Bertie hooks an arm around his son’s shoulders, pulling him in against his side with an obnoxious dad squeeze. Stiles was taller every day, and closer to being a man.

Bertie was absolutely, positively not ready to let him grow up yet. But as much as he wanted Stiles to be Peter Pan and this house to be his neverland, that wasn’t the way of the world. And yeah, Bertie had taken longer than he’d liked to get them here, but he still had two more years to get the forever house built before Stiles left for college.

Two more years to make memories, to try and be more than the shadow of grief he’s been for too long. Stiles spent too much of his childhood looking after Bertie, making sure he ate when he couldn’t get out of bed, making sure he slept with the mania hit him like a freight train. Bertie was settled now, he was on his meds now, but there was no giving Stiles back those years of his life.

But now he was stable, he was medicated, and almost more importantly, he was doing great financially. Once the book about his teenage years with Ruthie hit the shelves, his back catalog started selling like hot cakes. People were already clamoring for another book about the two young lovers on the creek.

Bertie just hoped working on the house would keep the grief from drowning him again when he started writing. Because as much as he loved Ruthie, as much as he loved keeping her alive on the page, it was exhausting to go back there.

To go back to the place where he still had hope for a happily ever after, and wasn’t a twenty one year old with a newborn son and a wife in the ground.

“Exactly.” Bertie’s voice is soft when he answers, peeling himself off of Stiles’ side so that he can fish the keys out of his pocket and unlock the padlock that was holding the front door closed.

Stiles had already taken care of the sign in the front yard, pulling it out of the soft dirt and tossing it over the back fence. Bertie would call the realtor sometime this week to come pick it up. But at the moment, the priority was just having it out of sight and out of mind. This was their place now. Bertie didn’t even want to look at the big red ‘SOLD’ sticker slapped across the front of it. (Those things were magnetized. Who knew?)

The padlock clicks in his hand, the heavy weight of it shifting into his palm as it opens, and Bertie pulls it away from the door. “Ready?” He steals a look over at Stiles, who puts on a smile for him. (Bertie really hoped they could get to a point where Stiles smiled at him, and not for him.)

The front door creaks open, catching on the tile just inside of the door with a deep scratching sound that makes Bertie and Stiles both wince. Okay, so fixing the hinges on the front door was on the list. It could be at the top of the list.

Inside, the house was...well, it was rough. There were pieces of tarp hung over broken windows, and the walls had holes in places in the drywall. In the kitchen, pieces of tile were missing in random places, making it look like an awkward checkerboard.

Each and every thing was put on a mental checklist. New flooring for the kitchen. Pull up the carpet in the living room. Replace the fixtures in the hallway. There was a lot of work to be done, that was for sure.

“Dad, tell me we’re not sleeping here.” Stiles however, wasn’t sounding convinced. Bertie looked back at his son to see him picking at a spiderweb that was hanging from the ceiling, and the piece of drooping wallpaper that was hanging low beside it, like a flower that hadn’t seen the sun in too long.

Well once they got the windows in here replaced and some nice shutters, there would be plenty of sunlight. (And no more wallpaper, that was going the way of the dinosaurs.)

“We’re not.” He could give the kid that much at least. “We’ve got an apartment rented in town.” That way they had a place with air conditioning and running water where they could shower and rest their heads at night. “And yes, it has wifi.” He could see the question building on the tip of Stiles’ tongue, and Bertie cuts it off at the pass.

He needed wifi too, no matter how high and mighty he wanted to act about it. He had emails from the publisher to answer, and social media that he had to put out for his followers. And honestly? Bertie liked watching those oddly satisfying videos on youtube when he couldn’t sleep at night. There was just something about watching someone cut into a cake that was shaped to look like a watermelon. It made a guy want to catch some Z’s.

Stiles relaxes from his shoulders all the way down to his toes, and turns new eyes back on the house around them. “Look.” Bertie hooks an arm over Stiles’ shoulder and points down the hallway. “That one can be your room.”

Bertie had plans for an office for himself on the other side of the hall, but you had to lead with the good stuff. The kid wasn’t going to be excited about natural lighting and a nice place to set up his computer.

“And down there…” A formal dining room, tucked away behind the kitchen. This was the money maker, the room he was going to sell the place to Stiles on, he just knew it. “This is going to be our theater room. Eighty inch flatscreen TV, full surround sound set up. I’m talking about speakers hanging in the ceiling. Full theater experience. And the fancy leather recliners that are mechanical.” Bertie makes a soft whirring sound with his tongue, mimicking the way the bottoms of the recliners would rise up with the motor’s help, and he’s rewarded with a laugh.

There’s a light in Stiles’ eyes as they stand in the entry way to the dining room that would soon be a theater masterpiece, and the heart of the house. Stiles was seeing it now. That was one thing that his boy never lacked. Stiles’ cup runneth over when it came to imagination. When he was a little boy, he could spin stories better than some of Bertie’s peers at the publishing house. And it had always been as natural to him as breathing.

“What if we did a couch in the middle? Same leather. Cupholders, usb chargers, the whole nine yards?” Stiles spreads his hands out wide in front of him, encompassing where he was seeing the couch in his mind’s eyes. “Two recliners, one on each side. That way if we have people over, we have room for them too. Or if we want to sprawl out or something. You know, get cozy.”

Bertie’s heart was big and bright and warm in his chest. Stiles was thinking of this place long term. He was thinking about having friends over. Or maybe a significant other. And that’s all that Bertie wanted out of life. For his boy to be happy.

“I think that sounds great. Really great.” He squeezes Stiles’ shoulder again, and shifts all those mental plans around in his head. Aside from the things that they needed to fix for the house to be safe for them to be in, he was going to start with the theater room.

“Dark wood paneling would be good too. It will make it look rich with the light on, and it’ll soak up the darkness when the lights are off. A good carpet, too. Something you can dig your bare toes into.” Part him wants to do the dumb thing and use the red carpet on the floor and the LED strips lining the way to and from the door.

“We should do straight up movie theater carpet. The dumb kind with the stars. And the lights on the floor!” Stiles laughs, pointing along the floor to the door. Bertie loves Stiles even more in that moment, selfishly to still see himself in his son, that Stiles was still his little boy in some way.

“Now we have to.” Bertie nods in faux solemnity, and gets another laugh for his trouble. He can’t remember the last time that they both laughed like this. It feels like it’s been years. Back when Stiles was still small and still believed that Bertie was the best thing in the world.

But it was more than that. The power balance between them had always been a little bit wonky, what with Bertie’s illness. But this...being here together, it felt like being partners. Equals. All the more, it made this feel like a fresh start. One that they both chose for themselves.

And maybe Stiles didn’t need a fresh start as much as dear old dad did, but he was still here, along for the ride. That was the kind of man Stiles was. Always willing to do what anyone else needed of him. It was both his best, and his worst quality and Bertie would always carry two shoulders full of guilt at being the one who put that in him. No child should ever have to care for their parent.

All Bertie could do now was try and teach Stiles that there were lines. Boundaries to be protected. To teach the kid to protect his own big, soft heart. Somebody would have to, or Stiles would spend the rest of his life setting himself on fire to keep other people warm.

“Okay. Theater room is settled, then. How about we go get a rough sketch of your room down?” Bertie steers them away from their big project, and back down the warped and water stained hallway to the second biggest bedroom. (Sorry kiddo, dad loves you a lot but he wasn’t giving up the master bedroom to you.) Somehow, there was only one creaky floorboard along the way. Bertie decides in one impulsive moment that he’s going to keep it. It would give the house charm, when everything was shiny and new.

“I was thinking…” He lets the words hang long, playing up the dramatics of it until Stiles elbowed him in the side. Bertie oofs with laughter. “Alright, alright. I was thinking a big cork board set into the wall here. Sixty inches, maybe.” Stiles was always pinning stuff up in his room, mental maps and spider’s webs of ideas. And he’d gotten to the point that he had two cork boards set onto the walls next to each other, red and yellow string strung taught between them. “Maybe bigger, even. We could actually do floor to ceiling.”

A space big enough for all those big thoughts in Stiles’ head.

“What do you think?”

#ch: bertie #polyfacetious | stiles #v: expats row #queued #carlota's christmas drabbles

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wilwheaton · 5 years

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Hey, Wil! I've followed you on here for awhile. You've been a source of inspiration for me mentally. You were even a reason I began to get better, watching you fight your own demons. But, lately, things have been bad again. I'm on my meds, I've done the therapy, and my family spent so much money to put me through group. But, here I am again, falling further down the hole and feeling like I'm disappointing everyone. I don't wanna be a burden, but I don't know what to do. Do you have any advice?

Oh man. First of all, you aren’t a disappointment to ANYONE. The people who are supporting you are doing that because they love you unconditionally, and are willing to do whatever it takes to help you live your best life.

I’m not a doctor, so I don’t know this for sure, but here’s my anecdotal data: Depression goes on a cycle. Sometimes, it’s REALLY bad and it tells us we suck, we’re letting people down, we deserve to feel bad, we will never get out of the dark room, stuff like that. Then, without warning or reason, it gives us a break, and we have some time and perspective to remember that we ARE worthy, that we DO deserve to be happy, that our wonky brains are NOT our fault.

One of the things that keeps my chin up on the really bad days (and I had a whole string of them from August of last year until about three weeks ago) is knowing that the cycle of BRAIN BAD NO HELP NOW always comes to an end. The people who support us and love us know that, and even though our Depression makes us judge ourselves, THEY ARE NOT JUDGING US BECAUSE WE ARE HAVING A HARD TIME.

I’m going to say that again, because I also need to be reminded of this: When someone helps us, they are helping us because they love us. It’s not a transaction where they help and we automatically get better and we pay them back by feeling better. When someone helps us, and our mental illness doesn’t budge, it’s not our fault.

It’s not your fault. And I need you to know that. I need you to internalize that. Maybe say it out loud with me right now: It’s not my fault. I am not letting anyone down because my mental illness isn’t cooperating.

I know how frustrating and demoralizing it feels when our brains don’t respond to meds and therapy the way we want to, but we can’t give up. We must be gentle with ourselves, and give ourselves permission to have the bad days.

Now, all of this is high level, existential, almost philosophical stuff. I’d like to offer some practical things that I try when I’m feeling awful:

* take a shower

* brush your teeth

* eat a nutritious meal

* get some quality snuggle time with a pet

* take a walk, even if it’s just to the end of the driveway and back.

* change your scenery, even if it’s just going into another room for a little bit.

* don’t beat yourself up for having a rough day. You wouldn’t blame someone or be mad at someone who has the flu and needs to sleep it off, so you should give yourself the same compassion.

I’m so sorry you’re struggling. I have been there, and I’m sure I will be there again. Please know that I believe in you, and I promise you that this will get better.

But, honestly, if you only take one thing away from this, please let it be: When someone helps us, they are helping us because they love us. It’s not a transaction where they help and we automatically get better and we pay them back by feeling better. When someone helps us, and our mental illness doesn’t budge, it’s not our fault.It’s not your fault. And I need you to know that. I need you to internalize that. Maybe say it out loud with me right now: It’s not my fault. I am not letting anyone down because my mental illness isn’t cooperating.

Be gentle with yourself, and maybe let the people who are supporting and helping you know that you’re doing your best, and you appreciate their love and support. Maybe that’ll help you get closer to being gentle with yourself, and remove that burden Depression puts on us to put the feelings and needs of others (even if they are imagined) ahead of our own.

I’m always here for you if you need someone to listen, and I would love it if you’d check in with me in a little bit, so I know how it’s going.

#the-sexy-pizza-man

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itsclydebitches · 5 years

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Ironwood tucked tail and ran, he didn't actually consider his options he reacted with paranoia and literally did the thing the villains (Watts) told him to his face was the thing they wanted him to do. Ironwood neglected Mantle for ages, like seriously he was going to tell everyone while Mantle had a huge hole in its wall. And no he wasn't doing everything possible the whole season was all about how he was sacrificing Mantle's safety for his own end.

There are a lot of different points here so I’m going to break things up:

“[Ironwood] didn’t actually consider his options” except he did. We had an entire, if heated, conversation about it. Is Amity ready? No. So can we use it? No. Are we in any state to keep fighting? No. Has the perimeter been taken out? Potentially. Is Salem approaching? Likely. They ran through a number of different factors and came out with two options: leave now or hold their ground. Based on what they know, Option Two is a death sentence and when no one was able to come up with an Option Three that combined saving Mantle with keeping the rest of the populace alive + keeping relics/a Maiden out of Salem’s hands, Ironwood went with Option One. People also have to remember that from their perspective she could be here any second. This is the opposite of Volume 6 where the group actually had time to come up with various options and chose not to. Here, they can’t afford to spends hours or days trying to come up with additional solutions when Salem may be on their doorstep in a matter of minutes.

“literally did the thing the villains... wanted him to do” yeah, he did, but again... what’s Option Three? What’s the solution where Ironwood keeps people safe without creating a single bit of division among them? Right now it doesn’t exist. Just because the hero ends up doing what the villain wanted doesn’t mean that decision wasn’t logical or justified. It doesn’t mean they had another way out. It just means that the villain did their job and crafted a scenario where the hero is screwed no matter what they choose.That’s what makes Salem so hard to beat. It’s akin to a trick. She crafts plans wherein even the best solutions have horrific consequences attached, but that’s not Ironwood’s fault. This is gonna sound weird, but I’ve had that Matrix scene stuck in my head the last few days. Neo is offered a red pill and a blue pill and told to choose, now. The fandom’s response to Ironwood’s dilemma is akin to going, “I can’t believe Neo didn’t take the time he wasn’t offered to choose the green pill instead.” That green pill... doesn’t exist... Not yet anyway.

“Ironwood neglected Mantle for ages” again, building Amity necessitated that neglect. We can argue that Ironwood never should have built Amity in the first place then---letting Mantle have their resources is more important than building a communications tower/thinking you can defeat Salem---but the fandom and the RWBYJNR team don’t get to have both. We can’t demand that Ironwood finish this project and then drag him for doing what’s necessary to achieve that. Amity was not “for his own end.” Nor were things like the military presence. We can argue the ethics of whether it’s ever appropriate to keep soldiers around town, but the intent has always been to keep the people safe. And given how many times grimm broke through the walls this volume? Those soldiers probably saved a lot of lives. If we’re truly going to criticize Ironwood for his treatment of Mantle than we likewise need to criticize the group for staying on his back about Amity. It’s because they allowed him to think that this was a way to defeat Salem for so long and pushed him to get it done that the mistreatment of Mantle continued. How do you keep Ironwood from taking resources from the people? Idk, maybe tell him that the thing he wants the resources for won’t actually save the world like he thinks it will...

“like seriously he was going to tell everyone while Mantle had a huge hole in its wall” 100% agree there. I think it was stupid af to tell the people about Salem at all, let alone during a grimm attack. But remember that our heroes were very pleased with that development. That’s the one thing Ironwood has been praised for. Again, if we’re going to criticize him for that then Ruby likewise deserves criticism for pushing him towards telling others about Salem and then giving her little, “He’s doing it.” As I’ve mentioned the last two volumes, my primary issue with the writing is not that the characters make mistakes, but rather the hypocrisy that occurs when that happens. Team RWBY is continually let off the hook by both the writing and the fandom despite the fact that their actions contributed immensely to all of Ironwood’s mistakes. Their mistakes are just as much at the center of all this, but no one wants to acknowledge how keeping that secret forced Ironwood to work under hugely false information. Even though we just got a whole volumes articulating how horrific that sort of manipulation was for Team RWBY under Ozpin. Their choice to repeat Ozpin’s actions had far more devastating circumstances, namely hurting Mantle in the name of a plan they knew was doomed from that start. RWBYJNR could have spared Mantle at any time.

“...Ironwood’s plan sucks” yeah, it has a million holes in it, but again, does anyone have a better plan? If Salem’s flying grimm army is such a threat to a hypothetically sky-high Atlas, why aren’t people acknowledging what a threat those + grounded grimm are to an Atlas that sticks around beside Mantle? To be blunt, there are way bigger priorities here. No one should be asking, “But what will we do about food days/weeks from now?” when Salem is theoretically coming to kill them in the next hour. How about we survive the immediate threat first. If we’re all alive to worry about food later that will be a miracle.

“take apart a military vehicle or two and used the material to fix Mantle’s wall” maybe he could have. We as the audience have no idea what exactly these “resources” are and how they might be replaced, but if we’re really going to nit-pick like that... why didn’t anyone else? Why didn’t Team RWBY suggest that instead of just yelling at Ironwood to fix everything himself? Why didn’t Robyn do that instead of stealing the materials on their way to Amity? Everyone keeps insisting that Ironwood isn’t united with the others, but it’s everyone else who insists that he fix everything himself while simultaneously betraying, lying, criticizing, and undermining him along the way. I likewise don’t buy the “Ironwood is the adult and he’s responsible for Team RWBY” argument I’ve seen floating around because that’s by the same group who was going, “Team RWBY are adults now Ozpin and Qrow need to trust them more” last volume. They have their licenses. They’re working with a military inner circle. They, as I’ve said before, don’t get to flip-flop between vulnerable children and responsible adults as they please. If the group is mature enough to fight this war at Ironwood’s side then they’re mature enough to go, “Hey, how about the eight of us try to think up ways to help instead of just yelling that we don’t like what Ironwood, as just one very stressed person, has managed to come up with?”

“maybe he could have updated Mantle’s security” again, we don’t know what Ironwood might or might not have done after the Fall of Beacon in terms of updates. All we do know is that he didn’t have the one crucial piece of information that made Mantle’s security seem vulnerable: Watts is alive. Ironwood only found that out after Watts had already taken over.

“Maybe he could have told the council and worked with his own government” sorry but this argument always makes my brain go “????” The only thing we know about this council is that they were fully backing Jacques at the meeting, which is not a good indicator of how trustworthy they were pre-his arrest. If we’re praising Team RWBY for not trusting Ironwood---someone who has been fighting Salem for years and who immediately shared his own secrets---why in the world would we expect Ironwood to trust two lackeys of Jacques Schnee? One of these options seemed a whole lot less trustworthy than the other. And I guarantee you that if we had gotten a story where Ironwood brought in the council and then we learned they had been working closely with Jacques? People would criticize him for that too. “Maybe he could have kept things quiet like Team RWBY did and not give information to a corrupt government.” It’s a lose-lose, apparently.

“did what the kids wanted and it WORKED” literally only because the plot went wonky to accommodate them. No one freaking out, no one angry anymore, everyone coming together to sing the Remnant equivalent of Kumbaya... I’m by no means against hopeful results superseding “realistic” ones, but this was a seriously extreme example of the plot accommodating the group’s preferences. In the same way it accommodated them in Argus. It’s a deliberate choice not to have there be any repercussions to starting huge grimm battles ,or telling an angry mob about the sorceress sociopath out to kill them all, and RT grabbed hold of that choice by both hands. It’s hard to argue who is really “right” or “wrong” when the narrative itself makes sure that only one party’s actions ever have bad outcomes whereas the others always come out rosy. It has been a rigged system the last two volumes. Team RWBY’s choices are always “right” not because they’re justified, but because the writing ensures that nothing bad ever happens as a result. Even when logic dictates that it should.

“idk maybe tell them to fight on their own they can” this would be a good option if the group were actually interested in just defending Mantle. But they’re not, their goal is to stop Ironwood from leaving Mantle behind. We get that moment where the whole team stands in front of him in a semi-circle, making it clear that if he wants to enact his plan, he’ll have to go through them first. It’s not a, “You do your thing and we’ll do ours” situation, it’s a “We’re not going to allow you to do your own thing.” So Ironwood responds to that with, “Fine. You’re forcing me to move you? You’re under arrest.”

“maybe see about getting their system back up” Watts had complete control over the system. The conversation at the dinner made it clear that everyone was locked out: Ironwood, the council, even Jacques himself. And I doubt Watts, wherever he is now, is just going to hand that control back because Ironwood asked. Which again, comes back to time. Do they have time to interrogate Watts? No. Do they have time to sit other tech experts down and try to get them to reclaim the system? No. People keep insisting that these are all options that Ironwood willfully ignores, but every one of them results in the same thing: Atlas twiddling its thumbs as Salem slams in with her grimm army. This would be a very different situation if she were days out and they had some time to try these things, but the setup is very much, “If she’s coming she’s going to be here in no time at all. Whatever we’re doing, we have to do it right now.” Long-term “options” of these sort simply aren’t on the table. Telling someone to take the hour-long “option” when you literally have five minutes is just illogical. Rejecting that doesn’t make you a bad person, it makes you the one person thinking the situation through. As I’ve said before, Ironwood and the Ace Ops are the only ones weighing these issues in a “Is this actually possible? manner. Team RWBY is riding purely on confidence and hope.

“there’s no proof Salem is coming” you’re right, there isn’t. We only have her promise and the silent perimeter, so no, that’s not proof. ... but are you really willing to risk that? I sure as hell wouldn’t be. There’s no way I would trust that many lives to “Well, she might be pulling our leg.” Calling her bluff is a BEYOND risky choice and the only reason the fandom thinks it’s such a good option is because we’re looking at this from a storytelling perspective. We know it’s unlikely that the group will face off against Salem before the final volume. We know it’s unlikely that Salem would start attacking the world in earnest because she’s so damn powerful that this would wipe everyone out in a mater of weeks and then, you know, there’s no story anymore. As characters in this world they have no reason to believe that Salem would lie about coming, especially after Watts, Tyrian, the chess piece, the perimeter... Salem has clearly been setting up something, but Ironwood should just ignore all that to call a hypothetical bluff, risking every single person in the process? That goes so beyond endangerment I’m not even sure what to call it. That would be the action of someone I wouldn’t trust as my leader. Risking the Maiden, two relics, and the lives of an entire kingdom on an entirely unfounded hunch. That’s straight up insanity and if Ironwood had done that I would have hoped the Ace Ops would revolt. You’re clearly unfit to serve, sir, if you’re going to risk all our lives---the entire world even---on a theory that has 4 points against it and 0 in favor.

#rwby #rwby volume 7 #rwby volume 7 spoilers #mymetas #Anonymous

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bladekindeyewear · 5 years

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HS^2 bloggin’ Bonus 2020-02-27

Bloggin’ yesterday’s Patreon Bonus upd8 and the commentary on the previous Bonus upd8.

Looks like Catnapped Part 3! And I’ve been cautioned the formatting’s a little wonky unless you’re on desktop rather than mobile, not that I plan on blogging anything hs2-ways on mobile anyway.

2/28/2020 - Catnapped, Part 3

Oh bedecked bejesus it’s a widepanel with different convo-dialogues underneath different parts of it. They’re really playing with the format here! I feel sorry for mobile users sure, but I still love how they’re running with Andrew’s tradition of pushing the medium in completely unnecessary ways that nobody ever asked for. (No, really, I love it.)

It’s a scene of the Night City PS-esque nightclub dance party with a blinky Jasprose flitting across various conversation group, starting with--

...okay. (This is probably all of the art I’m giving you this time, again, paid-patreon-bonusways you only get my thoughts and a glimpse, along with anything plot-relevant.)

Jane is getting defensive about how much of her political beliefs and her run in-general were Striderspeak. And she’s crying due to letting the mask slip a bit about almost all her friends jetting off for years chasing after Dirk’s betrayal.

Jasprose is seer-like-arranging a proper political opponent for her to run against again now that Dirk can’t control the narrative. Uh-oh. (Maybe one of the existing residents of Earth-C, one of those trolls to run against her? That’d be neat, letting them reclaim themselves from the creators.)

(It IS pretty refreshing to see a version of Rose so, like... happy and MOCK villainous/mischievous to contrast with Roborose being depressingly ACTUALLY-villainous and misguided. Thinking back on the last mainline upd8 makes me a fair bit depressed from her spiels there.)

Guh, Jake’s hitting a drink at a table. :(

Nice fun conversation Jasprose is having with Jake that goes on a while... the main takeaway being that she may want HIM to run. Uh oh. (Which is his reaction too, along with several emphatic Please Dear Lordy Nos.) That could be fun, but.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: [...] Get this man another drink!

--no, please?

Ah, talking with the trolls who had their interesting talk last time...

“I'm just kitten.“ Jasprose. >:(

--Oh, thank goodness, Jasprose suggests Swifer run too.

Oh man, Jasprose has to take a moment to remember Swifer’s name even as she's suggesting it. That’s hilarious.

JASPROSESPRITE^2: (Now that I've got the political future of the planet sorted out, I can get back to my masterclass seduction attempt.)

That’s-- uh--... sure?

I might have overestimated Jasprose’s Lighty planning skills here and underestimated her flightiness.

So did she see this next part coming, or is she as surprised as she's acting:

> Jasprosesprite^2: Look outside the window.

It can't be.

Maybe she is! Even her pseudo-ultimate-self status doesn’t mean seeing everything, after all, especially in this Voidy nonsense of nigh-forgotten side characters.

> ==>

Now how the fuck did THIS happen. :D

> ==>

Jasprose is just getting everyone the fuck out of dodge before he can get there, huh?

> Meanwhile.

--PS is still trapped in his office. Shenanigans have happened and he is still not out.

Geez, I mean I appreciate BOTH of these stuff-happened-out-of-our-view cuts, but you can’t just tease us with PS^2 and have it all happen offscreen!

Alright, end of bonus upd8. Time for the Patreon commentary on the treatise on democracy etcetera...

Sketches and Commentary: A Treatise on Representational Democracy

Ah, yeah, there’s not quite as much to say on this one, so it’s mostly meta. What to do in these commentaries at all, how much to outright get in front of the upd8 and say you meant and how much to dodge.

--Not much in here, except the last paragraph, which I’ll include in full:

This update ends on a bit of an ominous note. We the audience, and the mysterious figure reading this book, are both coming at this from the perspective of knowing in advance the sort of future that is in store for Earth C. The question then becomes: what happened between then and now to make things suck so much? That is what this bonus story is attempting to answer, in a roundabout way. It's open-ended questions like this which make perfect content for bonus updates, I think; it's like asking writers to fill in the blanks with their own headcanons, which won't necessarily impact the main plot very much.

Just to help explain the presence of that bonus chapter, which may or may not have been for the purpose you may have guessed, or felt.

The commentary for the last mainline upd8 is up too, but fuuuuuck that, I’m waiting til I blog the NEXT mainline upd8 to cover that. Seeya~

#Homestuck #hs2 #Homestuck Liveblog #upd8 #Homestuck^2 #bladekindeyewear #blastyoboots #spoiler #spoilers #Homestuck Commentary

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allnewalldifferentwildspider · 5 years

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Why I Dumped...RWBY

If there’s one thing I’ve learned being in fandom is that the audience is not allowed to dictate creative changes to someone else’s work. That is not your place. The trade-off is that you don’t have to be a member of that audience. Once I learned that, I decided that if a series pissed me off one too many times, I would just straight up dump it. Adios, amigo. Go piss someone else off with your shit stories. There are a hundred other things I could be doing with my time.

When I tell people this, they usually get defensive because sometimes the show I dumped happens to be a show they really like. Which is fine. If it works for you, great. Have fun. But we all have our tastes and personal preferences.

Sometimes that just isn’t enough for people. They have to know why you would insult them (I’m not and neither are you) by not liking something they like. I doubt most care. Some people just want to be offended. However, there have been some people who are genuinely curious. Usually people who are neutral to whatever show I dumped. They have no dog in this fight; they just want to see my train of thought.

So you asked for it and here it is. This is my new blog post series where I talk about why I dumped a series. Let’s see if my story and logic will help you see things from my perspective. Let me be clear, I’m not trying to convince you to change your mind. This is just the story of why I made this decision. If you like this series good for you. I don’t. It’s my opinion and I’m allowed to have one same as you.

We’re going to start off big with RWBY.

For me, RWBY started off as one of those things I kinda heard about on the internet, but never really knew what it was. Then it was on Neftlix and I decided to check out what it actually was. It was a CGI webseries made by the same company that did Red VS Blue led by the guy who did those weird Dead Fantasy videos on YouTube. I watched the first two volumes (because they just can’t be called seasons. We have to be all special and shit) and I wasn’t sure what to think of it. I guess my brain needed time to process it. I watched it again with my brother and then I started volume three on my own. After the volume three finale, I stopped watching and just kept tabs on the show before losing interest completely. There are several reasons that just piled up together so let’s just start at the beginning.

I just don’t think the show is very good.

It was a fucking chore to watch volume one again with my brother. Like holy crap, why wasn’t the show this bad the first time I saw it? Was it going to suck this hard with every viewing? (SPOILER ALERT: The answer is yes.) A lot of the character models look really pale. The animation can be wonky or jittery. The voice acting goes from bad to passable. The pacing is wack. The story is barely told. We spend way too much time on Jaune even though we already have FOUR main characters we have to be tackling. And this is a pet peeve of mine, but they gave names to things that already have names.

semblance = super power

aura = energy

Grimm = monsters

Why won’t anyone just call super powers super powers?

Anyway, those were my initial thoughts. A recurring thought I have about RWBY is, “The idea is adequate but the execution is lacking.” Someone asked me what that meant. Really? Really? You don’t know what words mean? Google it. Your ideas are okay, but the way you’re doing them sucks.

So if I hated the show so much, why did I stick with it after volume one? I liked the characters. I fell in love with Yang. She’s all my favorite parts of female characters put together in one awesome package. A blonde busty badass babe that beats a bunch of baddies? Sign me the fuck up. (Alliteration is fun, kids.) Thanks to some really good fan art, I also started to ship Arkos, Renora, White Rose and Roman Ice Cream (or gelato or partners in crime or whatever it’s called). I wanted to see more Yang and I wanted to see if I would get a payoff after investing so much time.

I didn’t.

youtube

The story goes all over the place. It introduces a bunch of new ideas but never sticks around to develop one. I’ve lost track of how the world works and what our goals are. They created side videos called, “The World of RWBY” that explains that shit. That’s another sign of bad writing. Supplemental material to understand what is going on in the story isn’t fun; it’s homework. More importantly, I shouldn’t have to. It should be organically in the story itself. But it wasn’t because this crew doesn’t know how to. It’s just not there.

Pyrrha’s Death

The main reason I stopped watching after the season three finale. I understand that everyone wants to do their own version of Empire Strikes Back or Avengers: Infinity War. The big battle where the good guys lose. I have several problems with this though.

1. I agree with Linkara that the only reason you should kill a character is if you’ve ran out of stories to tell with that character. Cheap drama should not be your goal. The problem with shock value is that it only lasts for a second.

2. You should never kill a fan favorite. That’s how you lose audiences i.e. money. You don’t sell your golden goose, and you don’t kill your cash cow.

I don’t believe that Pyrrha had ran out of stories to tell with her character. Pyrrha was killed just to further Jaune’s story arc which sucks because I barely liked Jaune. I shipped Arkos because I wanted good things for Pyrrha, and really, who doesn’t?

This unfortunately common trope is Stuffed into the Fridge, where female characters are killed for the sole purpose of a male character’s story. It doesn’t matter if Pyrrha was the best warrior in the class or had friends who could have helped her or she could have just ran away or anything really. Pyrrha, my second favorite character, was killed off to jump start Jaune’s character development. Fuck you, Rooster Teeth. And the worst part is, I heard that this was always the plan for Pyrrha. If you have to rely on a trope from 1994, you’re probably not a good writer.

I cancelled my Crunchyroll subscription, and a few people told me to get the fuck over it.

No. My time. My money. Not interested.

Yang wasn’t ‘for me,’ apparently

This one has a little less to do with the show and more with the fandom (or FNDM, because we have to be all special here). Like I said earlier, I fell in love with Yang. She became my number one waifu instantly. She had everything I liked. Big boobs, long legs, blonde hair, fiery personality, loved to kick ass, loved martial arts, had a great zest for life. It’s like that song lyric, “You are everything I want ‘cause you’re everything I’m not.” I know it’s super embarrassing but I would fantasize about being a character in RWBY and being Yang’s boyfriend. Whenever I would work out I would say it was because I was training to be Yang’s husband. I know it’s lame, but that’s how enamored I was.

Hell, Yang was the reason I even considered watching RWBY in the first place. I only discovered her thanks to that episode of Death Battle where she beat Tifa.

Then bumblebee happened.

People on tumblr have this thing where they like to decide what someone else’s character’s sexuality and gender is regardless of the canon. Do whatever you want. The problem was that I am a straight, cis, heterosexual Hispanic male with a tumblr account who likes a character who mostly shipped with another female character. So whenever I try to get matchups or headcanons or imagines, I’m usually ignored. I’m a big boy. I can handle that. What does get under my skin is people going out of their way to tell me that Yang isn’t for me. Like I’m not allowed to like her. When you’ve already lived most of your life with other people telling you that the things you want were never really for you, that sorta thing kinda hits you in the wrong side of the feels. Yang is for bumblebee and bumblee shippers only. I’m over it, but still not cool.

Now I’m hearing that Rooster Teeth might make bumblebee canon to appease the fans. No artistic integrity. I guess I was wrong. The audience is allowed to dictate creative changes if you’re Rooster Teeth. It doesn’t help that Blake is my least favorite character in the series.

I was upset when Adam cut off her arm in the end of volume three. It didn’t help that it was the same episode that Pyrrha died. Two birds with one stone and all that. I’m glad somebody made a supercut of Yang’s volume four story on YouTube. That was good to watch. It was kinda like Korra’s story in the beginning of Book Four (ugh, just call them seasons!) except with a fraction of the talent.

I haven’t watched anything beyond that, but I have heard of a few things. I’m glad Adam is dead, but that’s about it.

So that’s mostly why I dumped RWBY. Sorry if it was too much, but thanks for reading. Do I miss the show? Not really. I do miss Pyrrha, Yang, and the fan art. Will I ever go back to RWBY? Sorry but no. That’s not how that works. The damage has been done.

tl;dr version

I dumped RWBY because:

I didn’t think it was very good to begin with.

They killed my second favorite character for a shit reason.

My favorite character isn’t ‘for me’ according to everyone else.

#why i dumped #rwby #anti rwby #yang xiao long

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