#Sorry if you suffered through reading all that

[firenati0n]

hello friends :) i am so sorry i have been...so behind on all things tag games and writing challenges. i have been riding the struggle bus and i am Doing My Best but a lot of things have suffered in the meantime, like writing consistently. thank you so much for continuing to tag me in these, it means a lot that people think of me or read my work. i will always be grateful for my friends and readers and everyone who shows me kindness. anyway, many thanks as always! <3 much love for y'all.

i have been posting random prompt fics and drabbles here and there, while slowly updating people ruin people as inspiration strikes. I also made a fun graphic for proposal au and people ruin people! i hope to get back into the swing of things soon. not rushing it though, because rest is important. but i don't do well with stillness, you know? I'm not used to that. but i hope y'all have enjoyed the random words in recent weeks! i have written some things I'm very proud of and happy with in the prompt collection especially. and people ruin people is truly a stretch of my writing muscles...I'm not used to angst. but it's fun! it's hard, too. but so far people have been very kind about it!

here's a long snip from a flufftober prompt for ingredients and spells, it will be a little sequel / extension of the kiki's delivery service au / warlock!henry and baker!alex i posted a while back!

Henry is eight, and he can’t sleep.  The trees outside are too big, their shadows too scary in his window as the wind makes the branches thump against the glass. He rubs at his eyes before digging his head in his pillow again, hoping sleep claims him. From underneath his door, light filters in from the hallway—his mother is probably in the kitchen, grinding herbs and ingredients for her potions.  If there’s anyone who can help him, it’s her. “Oh, my little love,” she says, when Henry walks into the kitchen, knowing he looks as miserable as he feels. “Are we having trouble sleeping?” He nods. “I have just the thing.” She flits around, grabbing leaves and powders from the cupboard to grind before mixing everything in a pot. The smell of chamomile and honey fills the kitchen, warm and comforting.  She pours the potion into two mugs and hands one to Henry with a soft smile. “This should help, my darling. Here, I’ll drink it with you.” They both sip their drinks in comfortable silence. Henry can already feel the magical effects of the brew in his body, limbs starting to sag, head feeling heavy. His eyelids flutter, and Catherine notices.  “Up we go,” she says, before putting the mugs in the sink and scooping Henry up in her arms. He is warm, and he is safe, and he is sleepy.  After he’s all tucked in, duvet up to his chin, he sneaks an arm out to clutch his mother’s shirt as she moves to get off the bed.  “Please,” he pleads quietly. "Not yet." She settles in next to him, slender fingers carding through his hair as she hums. He drifts off, the smell of tea and honey blanketing him. He never learns what was in the brew. Catherine calls it her secret recipe, just for Henry. 

xoxo roop

+ open tag + tagging back everyone who got me in the past few weeks. it's been a while afjslkdjfklasdf

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@firstprincehornyramblings @run-for-chamo-miles @miharaikko @blueeyedgrlwrites @onthewaytosomewhere

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[anonymousewrites]

Pearl of the Sea Chapter Nineteen

Found Family! PoTC Cast x Teen! Reader

Platonic! Will Turner, Elizabeth Swann, Jack Sparrow, Tia Dalma x Reader

Chapter Nineteen: Journeying to the Locker

Summary: (Y/N) finally finds their way to Davy Jones's Locker and Jack.

            “Our new friend in Singapore was very specific,” said Mercer. He stood in Beckett’s cabin on his ship, the HMS Endeavor. After the fight on Singapore, he had returned to report on the intel they’d recovered. “Nine pieces of eight.”

            “What’s the significance of that, I wonder,” remarked Beckett.

            “Nothing can hold against the armada,” said Mercer. “Not with the Flying Dutchman at the lead.”

            “Did your friend figure mention where the Brethren Court are meeting?” said Beckett.

            “He was mum on that, sir,” said Mercer distastefully.

            Beckett hummed thoughtfully. “Then he knows the value of information. Better keep this between ourselves. We don’t want anyone running off to Singapore, do we?”

            Mercer and Beckett looked at former Governor Swann. He was stuck at his desk, always under a watchful eye, only a face to provide comfort to those that weren’t sure about Beckett. He was useful to have around.

            “And (Y/N) Swann?” said Beckett.

            “They escaped,” said Mercer.

            Beckett tsked. “How troublesome.” The door to the cabin opened, and Beckett glanced up. “Ah, Admiral.”

            “You summoned me, Lord Beckett,” said Norrington.

            “Yes. Something for you there,” said Beckett. He looked at a box, and Norrington faced it in confusion. “Your new station deserves an old friend.”

            Norrington opened the box. He found the sword crafted by Will staring up at him. He lifted it reverently.

            “The Brethren know they face extinction,” said Beckett. “All that remains is for them to decide where they make their final stand.”

l

            The freezing cold air swirled around (Y/N) and the other pirates. Frost had long since settled over the ship as they sailed as north as they could go.

            “No one said anything about cold,” groaned Pintel.

            “I’m sure there must be a good reason for our suffering,” stammered Ragetti through the chill.

            “Why didn’t that witch woman bring Jack back the same way she brought back Barbossa?” grumbled Pintel.

            “Because Barbossa was only dead,” said Tia Dalma.

            Pintel and Ragetti jumped as she appeared.

            “Jack Sparrow is taken, body and soul, to a place not of death but of punishment,” said Tia Dalma, gaze dark. “The worst fate a person can bring upon himself…stretching on forever. That’s what awaits at Davy Jones’s Locker.”

            She strolled by.

            Ragetti swallowed. “Yeah. I knew there was a good reason.”

            (Y/N) sat and watched Will figure out the strange, rotational charts. Slowly but surely, they were finding their way to Jack. He lifted the charts and handed them to Barbossa. (Y/N) stood and looked at them over his shoulder.

            The disks of the charts had been moved to spell out several words. “Over the edge over again. Sunrise sets. Flash of green.”

            “Do you care to interpret, Captain Barbossa?” said Will.

            “Ever gazed upon the green flash, laddie?” said Barbossa, grinning at (Y/N).

            “No. I’ve read about them. Are they real?” said (Y/N).

            “Aye,” said Barbossa. “Mr. Gibbs, seen them?”

            “I’ve seen my fair share. The last glimpse of sunset, a green flash shoots up into the sky,” said Gibbs. “Some go their whole lives without ever seeing it. Some claim to have seen it who ain’t. And some say…”

            “It signals when a soul comes back to this world from the dead,” said Pintel eagerly. Gibbs glared. “Sorry.”

            “Trust me, young Master Turner,” said Barbossa. “It’s not getting to the land of the dead that’s the problem.” He turned the ship violently. “It’s getting back.”

            They sailed into a large cavern. (Y/N) closed their eyes as they felt an energy sweep in with the water. It just felt…different. A shiver ran down their spine, and they nearly reached into the freezing water.

            Tia Dalma watched their expression change, and she glanced down at their arms. The wind rippled over their shirt, and there was a slight shine on their arms. It was gone as soon as it came, but Tia Dalma narrowed her eyes. She had seen it. Of course she had. Every part of the sea was clear to her.

l

            Beckett and Mercer stood on the Endeavour’s deck and looked at the destruction the Flying Dutchman had wrought on another ship.

            “Bloody hell. There’s nothing left,” said Beckett, frustration lacing his words.

            “Jones is a loose cannon, sir,” said Mercer.

            “Fetch the chest,” said Beckett.

            “And the governor? He’s been asking questions about the heart,” reported Mercer.

            “Does he know?” questioned Beckett. Mercer looked at him with narrowed eyes, and Beckett raised a brow. “Then perhaps his usefulness has run its course.” He turned to Mercer. “You may be inclined to bring him with you for a little visit to Jones.”

            “Yes, my Lord,” said Mercer.

            A few minutes later, platoon of sailors rowed towards the Dutchman. The burning remains of a pirate ship floated around them, and corpses bobbed in the water. There were no sounds in the air save the organ playing on board the Dutchman, and that sound held no joy or life. It was as dark and empty-hearted as the player.

            However, despite his men’s fear at boarding the ship of monsters, Mercer was as efficient as ever. He ordered them aboard with muskets and gazed out at the servants of Jones without a care in the world. The monsters looked around at the guns trained on them, and the soldiers swallowed at the strange, sea-creature faces looking back at them.

            “Steady, men,” said Norrington, also keeping a strong face.

            Jones barged to the front of the crowd and glared as the chest with his heart was carried towards him.

            “Go. All of you,” he snapped. “And take that infernal thing with you. I will not have it on my ship!”

            “Oh, I’m sorry to hear that…because I will.” Beckett stepped forward with his usual condescending tone. “Because it seems to be the only way to ensure that this ship do as expected by the company.” He flicked his cane, and Norrington brought the guards with the chest into the hull. “We need prisoners to interrogate,” continued Beckett while Jones bristled. “Which tends to work best when they’re alive.”

            “The Dutchman sails as its captain commands,” snapped Jones.

            “And its captain is to sail as commanded,” said Beckett. He stepped forward. “I would have thought you’d learned that when I ordered you to kill your pet.” He took immense pleasure in the way Jones’s shoulders fell at the reminder of the kraken’s fate. “This is no longer your world, Jones. The immaterial has become…immaterial.” He turned away before pausing. He cast a careless glance behind him. “And should you come across any of the former crew of the Black Pearl…” He narrowed his eyes. “I want all but the child killed. Bring them to me, if you’d please.” It wasn’t a request, and they all knew it.

l

            (Y/N) stared in amazement at the sea of stars they sailed on. They were reflected in the water, but the surface was so mirror-like that they seemed to be flying through the night sky. Millions of stars shone around them, and (Y/N) couldn’t help but smile. It was a magical sight that they would treasure for the rest of their life.

            Then a wind swept by and blew the slight mist away from the water. (Y/N) frowned and peered out into the darkness. Other forms floated across the sky in small boats, but they were too far away to be properly made out.

            “Barbossa, ahead!” Will shouted.

            “Aye, we’re good and lost now,” said Barbossa, pleased with himself as he steered.

            “Lost?” That got everyone’s attention.

            “For certain you have to be lost to find a place that can’t be found!” said Barbossa. “Elseways, everyone would know where it was.”

            Everyone stared.

            “Well, that makes as much sense as anything else we do,” said (Y/N), accepting the situation.

            “We’re gaining speed!” warned Gibbs.

            “Aye,” said Barbossa with another grin.

            “To stations!” said Will. “Rudder full. Hard aport! Gather way!”

            “Nay! Belay that,” said Barbossa. “Let her run straight and true!”

            “Blimey,” gasped Ragetti, and everyone turned to see what he was staring at.

            A waterfall was approaching. They were about to drop over the side of a void into a further nothingness (which somehow had made sense).

            “You’ve doomed us all!” said Elizabeth.

            “Don’t be so unkind,” said Barbossa. “You may not survive to pass this way again, and these be the last friendly words you’ll hear.”

            “So we’re touring our afterlife, how wonderful,” said (Y/N), holding on to the side of the ship as the group ran around in a panic. “At least it’s pretty!”

            They plunged over the edge.

l

            Jack paced around the stranded Pearl. It sat on a pure white, flat land that extended out forever was far as he could see. He hated it there, in the Locker. He was losing his mind with only himself to talk to, no wind, no sea.

            No (Y/N).

            After returning to help them, he hadn’t forgotten them. He missed them. They had become like family, and the moment he realized that was the moment he was ripped away from them.

            Jack kicked a rock in frustration. If he got back to them, he swore that there would be no more lying, no more double-crossing, no more betrayals—aimed at them. (Y/N) was his kid, his Pearl.

            He froze as a skittering sound echoed in the silence around him. He turned and looked down to find the exact same rock lying next to him. Jack frowned.

            “Now we’re being followed by rocks,” he said. “Never had that before.”

            He turned away and tried to make himself useful by grabbing a rope and dragging the Black Pearl with him. Obviously, that didn’t work.

            Another skitter. He hesitatingly turned to find a crab, not a rock, staring at him. A field of rocks stood behind it. One by one, they shook and popped open to reveal crabs. They marched forward and picked up the Pearl.

            Jack watched in shock as the ship sailed with the crabs. It was among the most surreal sights he had ever seen. He stood frozen for a good long moment before straightening. He wanted wind? He got crabs.

            Jack would take what he could get. He ran like a madman after the ship.

l

            (Y/N) pulled themself out of the sea and into the sun. They had fallen for who knew how long, splashed into water, and were somehow alive on a beach (they didn’t question where they’d fallen from, the sky they guessed, it was the Locker). (Y/N) stretched as everyone else straggled out of the water. The ship had been destroyed, and very little supplies had washed up with them. The other pirates were exhausted and struggling, but (Y/N) just watched.

            “This truly is a godforsaken place,” said Gibbs. He spoke the first words as he surveyed the empty desert that was the Locker. The air was still, and the sun beat down. No life was present.

            “I don’t see Jack,” said (Y/N), bouncing on the balls of their feet.

            “I don’t see anyone,” said Elizabeth.

            “He’s here,” said Barbossa confidently. “Davy Jones never once gave up what he took.”

            “And does it matter?” snapped Will. “We’re trapped here by your doing. No different than Jack.”

            “Witty Jack is closer than you think,” said Tia Dalma. She held a rock-like crab in her hand and petted its carapace. She looked at the dunes, and (Y/N) followed her gaze. Their eyes widened.

            The Black Pearl was cresting a wave of sand with crabs at its base. In the crow’s nest, Jack perched and looked out at them. Everyone just stared as the Pearl slid down the dune, over the beach, and neatly into the water.

            “Boat,” said Ragetti, dumb with shock.

            “Slap me thrice and hand me to me mama,” said Gibbs. “It’s—”

            “Jack!”

            (Y/N) ran over the beach towards the Pearl. Jack had already descended from the boat and was wading back towards the group. He looked at them warily as they ran towards them. If this was another trick of the Locker, a new form of torture of his mind to drive him mad by the nonexistence presence of his friends and family, Jack couldn’t handle.

            “Jack!” (Y/N) nearly tackled him in a hug.

            It was real. Jack grinned and hugged him back. “I’m glad to see you,” he said quietly. “Pearl.”

            (Y/N)’s head jerked up at the word, a question in their eyes, but the others ran up behind them before they could respond.

            “It’s the captain!” said Gibbs. “A sight for sore eyes.”

            (Y/N) and Jack stepped back from one another.

            “Mr. Gibbs,” said Jack.

            “Jack Sparrow.” Barbossa stepped forward.

            Jack turned to him. “Oh, Hector. It’s been too long. Hasn’t it?”

            “Aye. Isla de Muerta, remember? You shot me,” said Barbossa.

            “No, I didn’t,” said Jack brightly. It was a bald-faced lie, but what did he care?

            “Tia Dalma, out and about, eh?” said Jack to her. “You add an agreeable sense of the macabre to any delirium.”

            Tia Dalma smiled unpleasantly.

            “He thinks we’re a hallucination,” said Will.

            “Nope! I know the laddie is real,” said Jack, grinning. “No one else has their sense of…” He waved a hand. “Sea-ness?”

            “Thank you?” said (Y/N).

            “Now, William, tell me: have you come because you need my help to save a certain distressing damsel, or rather, damsel in distress?” said Jack. “Either one.”

            “No,” said Will curtly.

            “Well, then, you wouldn’t be here, would you?” said Jack. “So you can’t be here. QED, you’re not really here.”

            “Jack, we’re real,” said (Y/N). “Not just me.”

            Jack narrowed his eyes. “You might be losing your mind, too. You seem like the type.”

            “Trust me,” said (Y/N).

            Jack stared at them. It felt like the truth. They had faith in him; he’d have faith in them.

            “Jack.” Elizabeth urged him to listen to them.

            Jack looked at her and stepped back. He preferred not to see her, especially in the flesh after what had happened.

            “We’ve come to rescue you,” said Elizabeth.

            “Have you, now? That’s very kind of you,” said Jack. “But it would seem that as I possess a ship and you don’t, you’re the ones in need of rescuing, and I’m not sure as I’m in the mood.” He spun and faced (Y/N). “You’re welcome to come, laddie.”

            “I would prefer for everyone to come,” said (Y/N), shrugging.

            “I see my ship. Right there.” Barbossa gestured to the Black Pearl.

            “Can’t spot it,” said Jack. “Must be a tiny little thing hiding somewhere behind the Pearl.”

            “Jack, Cutler Beckett has the heart of Davy Jones,” said Will. “He controls the Flying Dutchman.”

            “He’s taking over the seas,” said Elizabeth.

            “The song has been sung. The Brethren Court is called,” said Tia Dalma.

            “Leave you alone for a minute, look what happens. Everything’s gone to pot,” said Jack.

            “Aye, the world needs you back something fierce,” said Gibbs.

            “And you need a crew,” said Will.

            Jack faced them all. “Why should I sail with any of you other than (Y/N)? Four of you have tried to kill me in the past. One of you succeeded.” He pointed at Elizabeth.

            “What?” (Y/N) whirled on her.

            “Oh. She’s not told you,” said Jack. Elizabeth shifted guiltily and avoided (Y/N)’s devastated expression. “You’ll have loads to talk about while you’re here.” He looked at the crew. “Now, (Y/N)’s in.” He looked at Tia Dalma. “As for you…”

            “Now don’t tell me you didn’t enjoy it at the time,” she said, smirking.

            “Fair enough. Alright, you’re in,” said Jack. “Don’t need you.” Ragetti. “You scare me.” Barbossa. “Gibbs, you can come. Marty.” He cast a distasteful look at Pintel. “Cotton.” He nodded approvingly, and the parrot squawked (it has survived miraculously). “Cotton’s parrot, I’m a little iffy, but at least I’ll have someone to talk to.” He faced the Singaporean pirates and frowned. “Who are you?”

            “Tai Huang. These are my men,” said Tai.

            “Where do your allegiances lie?” said Jack.

            “With the highest bidder,” said Tai.

            “I have a ship,” said Jack cheerfully.

            “That makes you the highest bidder,” said Tai practically.

            “Good man. Weigh anchor, all hands!” said Jack. “Prepare to make sail.”

            “Jack,” said (Y/N), looking pointedly away from Elizabeth. “You have to take everyone.”

            Jack groaned.

            “They have the charts to get out of here,” pointed out (Y/N). “And I won’t leave them behind.” They crossed their arms, and their stormy eyes pierced Jack’s.

            Jack sighed. His soft spot for his kid was going to grow frustrating.

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[bogcreacher]

What is Haunted's lore? She seems so interesting and i really wanted to know. Sorry if youve already explained it before!

This is… Not really spoilery but it is A Lot so I’m popping it under a read-more. 

!Content warning for implied infanticide and ableism! 

Haunted was raised in what I can only describe as a NightWing cult (not that normal NightWing groups aren’t already pretty cult-y, but this was like, full blown cult). They were empowered NightWings who upheld the typical ‘NightWing superiority’ belief and focused on honing their mental abilities in preparation for some vague Eschaton event they had predicted.  

Haunted is unempowered and was raised to believe this was a rare ‘defect’, with the older dragons around her imparting sentiments like “you’re sooooo lucky we were kind enough to keep your egg even though you were born Wrong. most dragons would’ve gotten rid of you the moment they knew you were Different, but we kept you cuz we’re so fucking nice and you owe us now for being so so nice and we are totally not above getting rid of you later if you become more trouble than you’re worth” and Haunted was like “cool I’m a baby” 

Cut to Haunted as a young adult in said cult - she’s mostly jaded about her upbringing, though there is an undercurrent of ‘oh God they’re going to Fucking Get Me’ that runs through her mind constantly. Despite this she has good friends and is. Surprisingly well-adjusted, all things considered??

(Also she was far from the only dragon who got Fucked Up by that environment (cause, yknow, cult!), many of her empowered peers have their own scars. Her suffering was unique but she was not unique in her suffering, yknow?)

Things really went south the night Stygian was kidnapped and someone tried to follow through on the silent ‘we saved you, we can just as easily get rid of you’ promise that had haunted her her whole life. Cue story! 

[theetherealbloom]

AS GOOD A REASON - CH. 6 | OBERYN MARTELL

Chapter Six: There's Blood On The Side Of The Mountain

Summary: You, who has made it her life's work to get retribution on those who mistreated and harassed you when you were a child. The scars on your body are a physical reminder of the suffering you endured at the hands of abusers, and they also provide the fuel for your years-long quest for retribution.

Paring: Oberyn Martell x Fem!Reader

Warnings: 18+ MDNI DEAD DOVE DO NOT EAT, MINORS GO AWAY, GoT is full of serious and harmful topics, mentions of SA, Rape (not the reader), Murder, Violence, Gore, War, Poison, Scars, Burns, Scratching, Attempted Su!c!de, Idealization of Su!c!de, AU, Age–Gap Romance, Angst, FLUFF, Eventual SMUT, Swearing, PTSD, Depression, Anxiety, Crying, Suggestive content, Flirting, Blood, War, Religion References, Nudity, Domestic Abuse, Incest, Prostitution, Weapons, Fire, Horror, Character Deaths, Rewrite Alternate Universe, Sex, Alcohol, Revenge, Panic Attacks, Anxiety Attack,

Word Count: 9.2k (I’m sorry this is so long wtf)

A/N: Istg. Make sure you read ALL the warnings! This chapter is going to be sad by the way. It’s extra sad. Keep your chin up, girl. You got this. Also, yes, ofc the song I chose would be Can’t Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo, it makes sense tehe.

Side note: I’m dyslexic and English isn’t my first language! So I apologize in advance for the spelling and/or grammatical errors. As always, reblogs, comments, and likes are always appreciated. Thank you and happy reading!

Song: Can’t Catch Me Now by Olivia Rodrigo

Previous Chapter → Next Chapter | Series Masterlist | Main Masterlist

KING’S LANDING, THE BATTLE PIT — DAY

From where you stand, the pit feels like a hollow reflection of King’s Landing itself—a stage for brutality, where bloodshed is applauded and violence wears the crown. Your sneer twists in disdain as you watch Ser Gregor "The Mountain" Clegane slice through a prisoner with disturbing ease, lifting the poor soul high on his greatsword. Blood streams from the prisoner’s mouth, his eyes wide in terror before The Mountain tosses him to the sand like discarded meat. The sound of his body hitting the ground is drowned out by the murmurs of the onlookers, but it echoes in your ears nonetheless.

Cersei watches, her eyes cold and calculating, as a line of prisoners stand chained, awaiting their fate. Each filthy, ragged figure, a nameless body lined up for slaughter. You feel a bitter twist in your gut—this spectacle, this violence—meant to terrify more than entertain.

One of the guards barks orders, shoving the next prisoner forward like livestock.

“Go on, move it,” the guard snaps, his tone indifferent to the man’s terror.

The prisoner stumbles forward, his trembling hands reaching for a meager weapon at his feet. You catch a glimpse of his wide, panicked eyes—he knows his fate. Still, he holds the weapon like it might mean his survival, like it might hold off the inevitable for even a few heartbeats longer. But the outcome is written in the blood that already stains the sand beneath him.

The first prisoner attacks The Mountain with desperation. He lunges, wild and reckless, but The Mountain is faster, his sword cleaving through flesh with a sickening ease. The prisoner’s body folds as he’s disemboweled in one stroke, his life ending in a gruesome heap at the giant’s feet. 

The next prisoner, shaking, drops his weapon entirely, sinking to his knees. Tears mix with the dirt on his face as he pleads for mercy.

“Mercy, please. Please, mercy,” the man cries, his voice breaking, filled with the kind of hopelessness that makes your chest tighten.

Cersei watches with an air of indifference, her lips curling ever so slightly as The Mountain delivers a series of savage overhead blows, reducing the prisoner to nothing more than a broken corpse. The sand beneath him darkens with blood, and you force yourself to keep watching, not out of morbid curiosity, but as a reminder. This is the city you’re in. These are the people who rule it.

Cersei steps forward, her gaze fixed on The Mountain. “Ser Gregor,” she says smoothly, her voice cutting through the air like a knife. “Welcome to the capital. Thank you for riding here so quickly.”

You note the lack of warmth in her tone, the way she speaks to him as though she were addressing a weapon, not a man. In truth, that’s exactly what The Mountain is to her—just another tool.

Cersei’s gaze flickers down to the bodies strewn about the pit. “You seem to be in good form.”

The Mountain’s reply is as cold as it is simple. “Who am I fighting?”

Cersei raises a brow, her expression as detached as ever. “Does it matter?”

The Mountain shakes his head. To him, it truly doesn’t. Flesh is flesh, no matter whose body it belongs to.

But you think otherwise.

As you stand there, your eyes narrowing at the towering figure of The Mountain, you wonder how many lives he has ruined, how many people have died in his shadow. A thought sharpens within you—among the things victims have lost, how many things can they ever truly reclaim? You can’t help but wonder if any of these prisoners were thinking the same, if their last thoughts were of the homes they’ll never return to, the families they’ve left behind.

It’s not justice they seek in these final moments. There’s no glory here. The only thing left to reclaim is their honor—what little remains of it. Some might hope for forgiveness, for mercy. But you know better. In King’s Landing, where the powerful feast on the misery of others, revenge is often the only way to regain even a fraction of that lost honor. Only then, in the pursuit of vengeance, can one truly begin again.

You look at Cersei, at The Mountain, and think to yourself, Forgiveness has no place here. Not in this city. Not when men like The Mountain are allowed to walk free, spilling blood for sport, for the amusement of those in power. No, here, revenge is the only way to claim victory, to bring balance to the scales. You keep your thoughts to yourself, but deep down, you know—glory through revenge may be the only true path to the starting point.

There are no second chances.

KING'S LANDING, TYRION'S CELL — EVENING

You knew Bronn was smart enough to fear the Mountain. One misstep, and anyone facing that monstrous man would be dead in an instant. Yet, as you moved quietly through the shadowed halls, following Oberyn down to Tyrion’s cell, an unsettling dread filled you. Oberyn had already made up his mind. His determination was palpable, and it terrified you.

You’d trained yourself to move unseen, your footsteps silent on the cold stone floors of King’s Landing. Perhaps Oberyn knew you were trailing him, but he didn’t seem to care. His confidence radiated from him like the warmth of the torch he carried, unwavering, even as you concealed yourself in the shadows.

Inside the cell, Tyrion sat in the dark, his posture heavy with defeat. The door creaked open, and you pressed yourself against the wall, listening intently.

Oberyn stepped inside, his torch casting flickering light across the damp, narrow space.

"I imagined you'd be back at the brothel at this hour," Tyrion remarked, his voice filled with a bitter, tired amusement.

Oberyn’s tone was smooth, as it always was, with a hint of mischief. "I did spend some time with an absolutely stunning blonde the other day."

Your eyebrows furrowed slightly at the mention, a sharp twinge twisting in your chest. But you kept your eyes on the scene before you, your heart quickening as their exchange continued.

"Do tell," Tyrion replied, managing a slight smirk. "I've got every kind of filth down here except the kind I like."

Oberyn placed his torch down, the flame casting shadows that flickered along the walls as he took a seat beside Tyrion. The light softened his features but couldn’t chase away the gravity in his words. 

"Your sister," Oberyn said.

"Oh," Tyrion replied, his expression falling.

You relaxed slightly as the realization settled within you. Oberyn had meant Cersei. The tension in your chest eased, but the conversation soon shifted, becoming darker.

"Cersei approached me. We spoke a great deal about her daughter," Oberyn explained, his voice lowering. "How worried your sister is about her. She was trying very hard to pretend she had not come to sway me against you. I think she may have even believed it herself."

A small smile tugged at your lips. Oberyn was always clever, always able to see through the intricate webs of deception spun by those in King’s Landing. It was a quality you both admired and envied.

"Making honest feelings do dishonest work is one of her many gifts," Tyrion said with a grim chuckle, leaning against the wall.

"It was difficult for her to hide her true intentions," Oberyn continued, his voice calm but full of insight. "It is rare to meet a Lannister who shares my enthusiasm for dead Lannisters. She desperately wants to see you killed."

"She didn't need to bother you," Tyrion responded with a bitter laugh. "It looks as though I've taken care of that myself. The joy she will feel when my head leaves my neck... She’s wanted this for a long time."

Oberyn’s gaze darkened slightly, the firelight reflecting in his eyes. "Yes, I know. We met, you and I, many years ago."

Tyrion blinked, looking puzzled. "I think I would have remembered that."

"Unlikely," Oberyn replied, his tone shifting as he recalled the memory. "You had just been born. Our father brought me and my sister Elia with him on a visit to Casterly Rock. My first time away from Dorne. I didn’t like anything about the Rock. Not the food, not the weather, your accents. Nothing." His voice hardened as he continued. "But the biggest disappointment... was you."

Tyrion’s face fell, his usual armor of sarcasm failing him. "You and my family have more in common than you might admit," he muttered.

You watched closely, frowning as Oberyn recounted his tale. You understood disappointment more than anyone. After all, your own mother had cast you away the moment you were born, sending you to a life of servitude.

Oberyn continued, "The whole way from Dorne, all anyone talked about was the monster that had been born to Tywin Lannister. A head twice the size of his body, a tail between his legs, claws, one red eye, the privates of both a girl and a boy."

Tyrion forced a smile, though it was joyless. "That would have made things so much easier."

"When we met your sister," Oberyn said, leaning forward, "she promised she would show you to us. Every day we would ask. Every day she would say, ‘Soon.’ Then, finally, she and your brother took us to your nursery, and..." He paused, his gaze intense as he spoke the next words. "She unveiled the freak."

Tyrion’s expression remained stoic, though you could see the faint hurt in his eyes. Oberyn continued, his voice cold but full of truth. "Your head was a bit large. Your arms and legs were a bit small. But no claw, no red eye, no tail between your legs. Just a tiny pink cock. We didn’t try to hide our disappointment."

Oberyn’s face hardened as he remembered the moment. "That’s not a monster," I told Cersei. "That’s just a baby."

You swallowed hard, fighting the wave of emotion as you listened. You knew cruelty well—perhaps better than anyone in that room.

"And she said," Oberyn continued, his voice heavy with disgust, "‘He killed my mother.’ Then she pinched your little cock so hard, I thought she might pull it off. Until your brother made her stop. ‘It doesn’t matter,’ she told us. ‘Everyone says he will die soon. I hope they are right. He should not have lived this long.’"

You felt a lump in your throat as tears threatened to well up in your eyes. How cruel could Cersei truly be?

Tyrion’s voice cracked slightly, though he tried to keep his tone casual. "Well... sooner or later, Cersei always gets what she wants."

"And what about what I want?" Oberyn’s voice was sharp now, full of purpose. "Justice. For my sister and her children."

Tyrion’s gaze darkened, his voice low. "If you want justice, you’ve come to the wrong place."

"I disagree," Oberyn said, rising to his feet. The flickering torchlight cast deep shadows on his face, highlighting the fierce determination in his eyes. "I’ve come to the perfect place."

You watched him closely, your heart racing. You knew what was coming, but you were powerless to stop it.

"I want to bring those who have wronged me to justice," Oberyn continued, his voice steady, each word a promise. "And all those who have wronged me are right here. I will begin with Ser Gregor Clegane, who killed my sister’s children and then raped her with their blood still on his hands before killing her too."

Oberyn turned to Tyrion, his voice echoing in the dim cell. "I will be your champion."

Your heart plummeted, the weight of his words crushing you. No. You’d seen it—the vision that haunted your every step. Oberyn’s demise. His fate, as cruel and certain as the tides.

As the heavy door creaked open, the flickering torchlight danced across the stone walls, casting deep shadows in Tyrion’s cell. You watched from the darkened corridor, your breath shallow as Oberyn stepped out, the light fading with him as the door slowly shut behind. Darkness swallowed the room once more, the soft click of the latch sealing the quiet tension that hung in the air.

For a few heartbeats, you stood there, your hand pressed against the cool stone wall, the lingering warmth of Oberyn’s presence still felt in the space he had just left. Then, with silent determination, you slipped into the cell.

Tyrion, huddled in the shadows, looked up at the sound of your approach, his eyes narrowing in suspicion. The small torch outside barely cast enough light to illuminate your figure as you slowly pulled back your hood. His tense expression softened with relief.

“I thought you were an assassin sent by Cersei to kill me,” Tyrion murmured, his voice a mix of dry humor and genuine fear.

You tilted your head slightly, a faint, cold smile playing on your lips. “You’re wrong on one of those things.”

Tyrion’s face tensed, the weight of your words unsettling him for a moment. His sharp mind was already working through possibilities, but before panic could fully settle in, you took a step closer.

“I’m not here to kill you,” you said softly, your voice calm but with an edge of bitterness. 

Tyrion let out a shaky breath, his shoulders easing slightly as he watched you carefully. You walked across the small cell, the sound of your steps soft on the cold stone. Taking a seat near one of the wooden poles, you leaned back against it, the silence between you both thick with unspoken truths.

“Do you recognize me?” you asked, your voice low, a challenge hidden in the question.

Tyrion furrowed his brow, studying your face. “You’re one of Sansa’s maids,” he finally said, his tone uncertain.

You nodded slowly. “Just a servant, if anything. But yes.” Leaning forward, you began rolling up your sleeves, exposing your arms in the pale sliver of moonlight that crept through the small barred window. The scars, the burns, every mark of torment etched into your skin told a story of survival. 

“Do you know the rumors?” you asked, your voice harder now.

Tyrion’s face shifted, a shadow of horror crossing his features as realization dawned on him. “You… you survived…”

Your eyes, cold and lifeless, met his. A small, bitter smile flickered on your lips as your jaw clenched. “Yes,” you said, leaning back against the wall, your arms folding across your chest. “Your reputation becomes rumors, and rumors become your reputation. That’s how it works, doesn’t it?”

Tyrion swallowed, clearly unsettled by the weight of your words. "Did you… did you poison Joffrey?" His voice was quiet, but the question held a note of accusation.

You shook your head, your expression flat. “No. I may have set the plan in motion, but they caused their own ruin.”

Tyrion’s eyes searched yours for deception, but when he found none, he nodded, accepting your words as truth.

“No one recognized me, not for the longest time,” you continued, your voice quiet, introspective. “Until… Prince Oberyn. Of course, he would. Every bit of information about his sister’s death... he sought it all. His own kind of hell.”

Tyrion remained silent, watching you closely as you spoke. 

“I sometimes wonder,” you mused, your eyes distant as you stared at the stone floor. “The solidarity between victims, and the solidarity between perpetrators. Which of them is stronger?”

A bitter laugh escaped your lips, the sound hollow. “I’ve spent years in this place. Pouring wine, slicing pies, fetching, folding. Day after day, step by step. Every moment leading to this point.” You scoffed softly, your frustration evident. “Keeping myself going… it’s exhausting. I’m so tired of it.”

Tyrion exhaled shakily, his eyes filled with a deep understanding of that particular weariness.

“Oberyn… he has been kind to me. He is the only joy in my unfortunate life,” you said, your voice softening at the mention of him. “He has eight daughters waiting for him. Depending on him. I can’t let him throw his life away. Not for this.”

Tyrion’s brow furrowed, confusion and disbelief crossing his features. “So… you plan to kill me yourself, then?” His voice held a strange mix of resignation and curiosity.

You shook your head, a faint smirk tugging at the corner of your lips. “No.”

Tyrion’s confusion deepened as you met his gaze, your voice steady as you spoke the next words. “I will be your champion instead of Oberyn.”

For a long moment, there was only silence. Tyrion stared at you, incredulous. “Forgive me for saying this, but… Oberyn would never allow a lady such as yourself to fight a beast like the Mountain.”

Your eyes darkened slightly, a flicker of something dangerous flashing across your face. “You of all people should know what it means to be underestimated, Lord Tyrion.” Your voice was cold but not unkind. “It just means I have nothing left to lose.”

Tyrion’s gaze softened as he understood the gravity of your words. This was no grand act of heroism. No selfless gesture. “I’m not fighting for you,” you admitted, your voice low. “This is purely selfish. Oberyn deserves justice, as much as I do, but I can’t let him die. Not when I’ve come this far. I will die on my own terms.”

“He has a chance. How are you so sure that he will—”

“I’m sure. I’ve seen it. Gods, I’ve seen it.”

Tyrion studied you for a moment longer, his face unreadable. “And how, exactly, do you plan to convince Oberyn to take your place?”

You smiled then, a smile that didn’t quite reach your eyes. “Leave that to me.”

The door to your quarters closed behind you with a soft thud. You leaned against it, letting out a long sigh. Tomorrow would be the day—victory or defeat, life or death. The weight of it pressed down on your chest, heavy as armor.

You took a step forward, lost in thought, when a figure in the shadows caught your eye. Heart racing, your hand instinctively reached for the dagger hidden beneath your cloak.

“Oberyn?” you breathed, startled. 

He emerged from the darkness, leaning casually against the wall with that familiar, mischievous grin. “Relax, little dove. If I wanted to surprise you, I’d have done a better job,” he teased, his voice smooth and playful.

Your breath caught in your throat. The sight of him here, in your private space, unnerved you—but not in the way you expected. “What are you doing in my quarters?” you asked, trying to steady yourself, your pulse still racing. 

Oberyn’s smile widened as he pushed away from the wall and stepped closer. “I came to see you. Is that not allowed?”

“I—” you stammered, the shock of his sudden appearance blending with the rising tension in the room. “You scared me.”

He chuckled, his eyes never leaving yours. “Good. You’re far too comfortable sneaking around King’s Landing. It’s time someone made you nervous.” His tone was light, but there was a warmth in his gaze that made your heart ache.

Your momentary fear melted away under his charm, but then your mind shifted, weighed down by the question that had been gnawing at you. You couldn’t ignore it any longer.

“Oberyn,” you began, your voice growing serious, “have you known all along that I… approached you on purpose?”

His teasing expression faded, replaced by something softer, more knowing. “Yes,” he said quietly.

You blinked, thrown by his straightforward answer. “Since when?” you asked, stepping closer, your voice lowering. “How did you find out about the connection between me and your sister?”

Oberyn watched you for a moment, as though weighing how much to reveal. “I knew every detail of when and how she died along with every single rumor,” he said, his voice soft yet deliberate. “And you—” he gave you a small, almost fond smile—“you seem to be around the age that the child who served her would be now. I figured it out the moment I heard your accent.”

His words hit you like a sudden gust of wind. You had been careful, so careful, but of course Oberyn had seen through you.

“I knew from the start you would want to use me,” he continued, his voice like silk, though there was no accusation in it. “The brother of Elia. It made sense. When I put all the pieces together, I realized I was the man you needed. The one who would do your bidding without question.”

You swallowed, his words twisting something deep inside you. “And you were fine with that? Knowing I was using you for my revenge?”

He smiled, a sad, knowing smile. “I told myself I’d be of use to you. That I’d come running whenever you wanted to use me. Wherever it was, whatever it cost.” His dark eyes held yours, no longer teasing. “But I wanted to be there before your guilt caught up with you.”

Your breath hitched, the honesty in his voice cutting through your defenses. You tried to speak, but the words tangled in your throat. Oberyn’s hand brushed lightly against your arm, the touch grounding you.

“When your sister died,” you finally whispered, “I thought I’d find someone to latch on to. So I approached you. Then I realized something—how could I even think of doing such a thing, just because I’m a victim? You’re a victim too.”

Oberyn’s gaze softened, and he let out a slow breath. “For a moment I thought I wasn’t your type,” he said, a wry smile tugging at his lips. “But now… you have no reason to use me anymore. If you refuse me, it’ll be for love. Not for revenge.”

Your chest tightened as his words washed over you. Tears welled in your eyes, the weight of tomorrow’s trial pressing down like an iron hand around your throat. You knew what you had to do, the price you’d pay to save him.

Your voice trembled as the tears slipped down your cheeks. “Then… help me. Until the end.”

Oberyn stepped closer, cupping your face with one hand, his thumb brushing away a tear. His dark eyes held yours, filled with a tenderness you hadn’t allowed yourself to see before. “I will serve you,” he said, his voice a quiet promise, “until the end.”

KING’S LANDING, RED KEEP – EARLY MORNING

The first light of dawn filtered through the narrow window, casting a soft glow over the room. You had half-expected Oberyn to have slipped away in the night, seeking the comfort of Ellaria or losing himself in his vices. But when you woke, he was still there, lying beside you in the small, cramped bed that barely fit you both. His arm draped around your waist, holding you close as though he couldn’t bear to let you go.

The night before had been unexpected—no grand seduction, no teasing beyond his usual wit. Instead, you’d stayed up talking, sharing dreams and desires you thought long buried beneath the weight of revenge. It had been… peaceful, in a way you hadn’t known in years. For once, sleep had come easily, a deep and untroubled rest. But now, the morning was here, and with it came the knowledge of what you had to do.

You shifted carefully, trying to untangle yourself from his embrace without waking him. Oberyn mumbled something in his sleep, his grip tightening briefly before loosening as you gently pulled away. Slipping from the bed, you began dressing quietly, moving with the practiced ease of someone who had learned long ago how to move in the shadows.

As you buckled your tunic, you felt his eyes on you. Turning, you found Oberyn watching you from the bed, his dark eyes half-lidded and full of sleepy mischief. “Leaving me already?” he teased, his voice a husky murmur. “I was just getting comfortable.”

You couldn’t help but smile, though your heart ached with the weight of what you were about to do. “Someone has to get ready for the day,” you replied, forcing a lightness into your tone that you didn’t feel.

He sat up, the blanket falling from his chest as he stretched lazily. “You know, you could stay a little longer… I wouldn’t mind.”

Your throat tightened, but you masked it with a chuckle. “I’m sure you wouldn’t,” you said softly as you crossed the room. The closer you got to him, the harder it became to hold back the flood of emotions threatening to overwhelm you.

Oberyn reached for you as you approached the bed, his fingers brushing your wrist before you leaned down, capturing his lips in a kiss. It was passionate, raw, as though it carried every unsaid word between you—every regret, every longing. For a moment, you allowed yourself to drown in it, to feel the warmth of his skin, the press of his lips. But you knew you couldn’t stay there.

With a soft gasp, you pulled away, your heart hammering in your chest. His eyes were still clouded with desire, his breath uneven, when you whispered, “I’m sorry.”

Before he could react, you pressed your fingers to a pressure point at the base of his neck. His body stiffened for a heartbeat before his eyes rolled back, and he slumped into unconsciousness. Your hand trembled as you laid him gently on the bed, your chest tight with the enormity of what you’d just done.

Tying him up was harder than you expected. The sheets you wrapped around his wrists felt like chains around your heart, binding you to this moment of betrayal. But it was necessary. He couldn’t stop you, and you couldn’t let him die for you. Not today. Not when he had so much left to live for.

You left a note by his side, your hand shaking as you scrawled the words. You told him the truth—Dorne needed him, his daughters needed him. He had a future. But you… you were already ruined, with no family, no purpose left beyond vengeance. If things had been different, perhaps you would have let yourself love him fully. Perhaps you could have been more than the ghosts of your pasts. But now… now you had to see this through, and he couldn’t follow you into the fire.

When you met Serena in the hall, she was waiting with a worried expression. You pressed a pouch of coins into her hand, whispering instructions she already knew. “Untie him when the trial ends,” you said, your voice barely above a whisper. "He must live."

Tears welled in her eyes, and she gripped your hands tightly, her voice breaking. “Please… don’t die. Come back.”

The words struck you harder than you expected. For a moment, you stood frozen, unsure of how to respond. She pulled you into a hug, clinging to you as though she could stop you from leaving, from walking into the jaws of death. Slowly, almost hesitantly, you wrapped an arm around her, patting her back awkwardly. “Thank you,” you whispered, the words heavy with finality.

KING’S LANDING, FIGHTING PIT – DAY

The bells tolled in the distance, a grim reminder that the day had arrived. Tyrion shuffled out toward the arena, his chains clinking with every step. The Lannisters watched from their seats, and Ellaria stood nearby, her eyes scanning the crowd for Oberyn.

You stepped into view, the sunlight glinting off your armor. It was simple but well-made—light enough for movement, but sturdy where it mattered. No helmet yet, your hair loose as the breeze tugged at it. A dagger was strapped to your thigh, hidden from view, while your hand rested on the hilt of a long, slender sword—a weapon you had saved for, piece by piece, over the years. 

Tyrion’s gaze flicked to you, his brow furrowed with worry. “Look like very light armor,” he commented dryly.

You shrugged. “Not really.”

The Mountain loomed on the other side of the pit, fully armored and wielding a massive sword that seemed to cleave the air as he moved. Ellaria’s eyes widened as she looked between you and the towering figure before her. “You’re going to fight that?” she asked, alarmed.

You let out a sigh, your grip tightening on your sword. “Hopefully, I’m going to kill that.”

Ellaria’s hand shot out, gripping your arm. “Where is Oberyn?”

You met her gaze, your eyes steady. “He’s safe. I swear it.” You paused, glancing at the Mountain and then back at her. “Take care of him.”

Pycelle’s voice rang out across the arena, ancient and raspy. "In the sight of gods and men, we gather to ascertain the guilt or innocence of this… man, Tyrion Lannister. May the Mother grant them mercy. May the Father give them such justice as they deserve. And may the Warrior guide the hand of our champion..."

Tywin, bored and impatient, gestured for the fight to begin. The horns sounded, echoing through the arena.

You met Tyrion’s gaze one last time. He nodded to you, his voice barely audible as he whispered, “Good luck.”

You gave a small nod in return, your hand tightening on your sword hilt as you stepped into the pit. The Mountain loomed ahead, but this wasn’t about fear anymore. This was about survival, vengeance, and the weight of every choice you had ever made.

Today, you would fight. And one way or another, everything would change.

MAIDENVAULT, GUEST CHAMBERS

KING’S LANDING, RED KEEP — DAY

Oberyn awoke slowly, blinking against the morning light that filtered through the window. A dull ache settled in his neck, and when he tried to move, he found his arms pinned, bound to the bed with sheets tightly knotted around his wrists. His mind raced for answers, and then it hit him—you. He had kissed you, and then… darkness.

The sound of soft footsteps drew his attention. A young woman stood by the door, wringing her hands nervously. She was small, her eyes wide with a mix of guilt and fear. Oberyn narrowed his gaze, his voice hoarse. "Who are you?"

"I—I'm Serena," she stammered, her voice barely above a whisper. "I’m… a maid. She—she told me to wait until after the battle. I promised."

Oberyn’s heart pounded, realization dawning on him. “Untie me,” he demanded, his voice steady but urgent. “Now.”

Serena shook her head, biting her lip, tears welling up in her eyes. “I can’t. I swore I wouldn’t, not until it was over. She made me promise. I—I’m sorry.”

Oberyn tugged against the bindings, frustration growing with each passing moment. His eyes scanned the bedside table, where a crumpled piece of parchment lay. His heart clenched. “What is that?” he asked, his voice barely a breath.

Serena hesitated, then stepped forward, placing the note in his hand.

Oberyn quickly unfolded the paper, recognizing your hurried scrawl. His eyes moved over the words, and with each line, the pit in his stomach deepened.

Oberyn,

By the time you read this, I’ll be gone. I couldn’t let you fight, not when so much depends on you. Dorne needs you, your daughters need you. You have a future, Oberyn. I can’t let you throw it all away for my revenge.

This is my fight, not yours. I’ve been ruined long before we met, and there’s nothing left for me but this. No family, no husband, no purpose beyond this one thing.

If things had been different, maybe we could have found a better life together. But now, all I can do is ask for your forgiveness. You were the one good thing that happened to me, and for that, I thank you.

Serena will untie you when the trial ends. Don’t come after me. Please. Live, for Dorne, for your daughters. For the future you still have.

Goodbye, Oberyn.

The note trembled in his hands as Oberyn read it, his heart shattering with every word. His chest tightened, breath coming short as if the air had been stolen from him. "No," he muttered, shaking his head. "No, no, no!"

He turned to Serena, his voice breaking. “Untie me. I beg you. I have to stop her.”

Serena’s eyes filled with tears, her lip trembling as she clutched the hem of her dress. “She—she made me promise. I’m supposed to wait until—”

“Damn the promise!” Oberyn roared, his desperation clawing at the edges of his voice. “She’s going to die, Serena! Do you understand that? She’s going to die, and I can’t let that happen. Please. Please, untie me. I can save her.”

Serena’s hands shook violently, her resolve crumbling. She looked at him, at the raw pain in his eyes, the pleading in his voice. Tears spilled down her cheeks as she struggled with the weight of your last request. “She said Dorne needs you,” Serena whispered. “She said you have so much to lose. I—I can’t...”

Oberyn’s voice cracked, softer now, filled with a grief that was almost unbearable. “I’ll lose her. Don’t you see? If you wait… it’ll be too late. I’ll lose her forever. She’s… everything. Please… untie me.”

Serena’s hands moved to the bindings, her fingers trembling as she hesitated one last time. “Promise me… promise me you’ll save her,” she whispered, choking on her sobs.

“I swear it,” Oberyn said, his voice raw with emotion. “I swear on my life. I will save her.”

With a deep breath, Serena finally gave in, loosening the knots and setting him free. As the sheets fell away, Oberyn leapt from the bed, his heart racing as he grabbed his cloak, his mind already on the trial and the bloodshed to come.

Serena watched him go, her hands trembling, knowing that she might have just sent him to his death.

KING’S LANDING, FIGHTING PIT — DAY

The sun beat down on the fighting pit, the crowd's chatter falling into murmurs as you stepped into the arena. Eyes followed you, curious, some confused. You were no one to them, just another faceless fighter stepping up to die. But you felt the weight of their stares, especially the piercing gaze of the Lannisters, high above on their platform, surveying the pit like vultures. They didn’t know who you were, not yet.

Your eyes found the Mountain, hulking and monstrous, towering over you with cold indifference. You raised your voice, cutting through the air, “Do you know who I am?”

Gregor Clegane’s laugh was deep and cruel. “Pity,” he spat, his voice loud enough to carry across the pit. “Some dead whore.”

He lunged. His sheer size made the earth quake beneath your feet, but you were ready. You dodged, his sword cleaving through the space you had been a heartbeat before. He was fast, impossibly fast for someone of his size, but you had spent years preparing for this moment. All those nights spent training, fighting men four times your size, all of it led to this.

As you spun out of his reach, you screamed out to the crowd, “I was the maid of Princess Elia Martell!”

A ripple of whispers spread through the spectators. The name Elia Martell always had that effect, even here in King’s Landing. The Mountain charged again, his blade whistling through the air. You blocked his strike, feeling the force of it reverberate through your arms, but you pushed back, slashing at the vulnerable joints in his armor. The soft spots.

Gregor stumbled but recovered quickly. He came at you again, enraged. “I'm going to hear you confess to all these people before you die,” you spat, circling him. “Tell them how you raped her. How you murdered her. How you killed her children.”

His next attack was brutal, a wild swing that glanced off your arm, leaving a burning line of pain. You gritted your teeth, ignoring the blood soaking into your sleeve. You were faster, smaller. You had to be smarter. And so, you fought, with the fury of someone who had waited their entire life for this moment.

“You raped her!” you screamed again, your voice ragged with rage and pain. “You murdered her! You killed her children!”

You moved in, quick as a viper, stabbing him deep in the gut. He faltered, his massive body reeling from the blow. But you knew better than to get close to a wounded beast. He caught you off guard, his enormous hand closing around your throat. You gasped, your sword clattering to the ground as you struggled in his grip. The world narrowed, the crowd’s roar fading into a dull hum as your vision blurred.

But then, with a final burst of strength, you reached for the daggers hidden at your thigh. In one swift movement, you sliced through the ligaments in his knees, then his ankles, his elbows, his shoulders—every joint you could reach. The Mountain dropped to his knees, immobilized, his weapon far from his reach.

The crowd gasped. You kicked his sword aside, watching as he floundered, his monstrous frame now reduced to helplessness. You sliced off his right hand, the brutal act met with stunned silence from the spectators.

Your boot pressed down hard against his throat, your voice raw with fury. “Confess!” you shouted, eyes blazing as the crowd murmured in shock. Leaning in closer, your voice dropped to a venomous whisper. “You may have forgotten but these people haven’t.”

The Mountain coughed, blood splattering from his lips, but still, he refused. So you pressed harder, forcing the confession from his broken body. “Confess!” you screamed, your voice cutting through the stillness.

“Elia Martell,” he rasped, his voice thick with blood. “I killed her children. Then I raped her.”

Your chest heaved, your body shaking as you stood over him, your heart pounding in your ears. “Do you remember me now?” you asked, seething, your voice a low, dangerous whisper.

Gregor’s eyes flickered with the faintest recognition, and then he growled, his voice thick with venom. “You’re the bitch I burned. I burned you, and I enjoyed every moment of it.”

The words hit you like a slap, a fresh wave of rage rolling over you. But this time, it wasn’t uncontrollable. It was cold, calculating. “That’s right,” you muttered, your eyes narrowing as you stared down at the man who had haunted your nightmares for so long.

Gregor Clegane, the monster you had spent your life waiting to kill, was bleeding out before you. The crowd was silent, frozen in shock, their disbelief palpable. You could feel their eyes on you, but you didn’t care. This wasn’t for them.

“Ser Gregor,” you sneered, “death is too kind of a punishment for an animal like you. I’m not a good person—I plan on becoming worse every day. But today, I will be kind.”

With that, you raised your longsword high and brought it down, severing his head with a clean, decisive stroke. Blood splattered across your face and armor, but you didn’t flinch. You stood there, breathing heavily, caked in dirt and blood, staring down at the lifeless body of the Mountain.

The crowd erupted into chaos, screams and cheers echoing around the pit. But you barely heard them. You turned slowly, your gaze drifting to the platform where Lord Tywin and Cersei stood, their faces pale with shock. They hadn’t expected this. No one had.

As you began to strip off your armor, the crowd’s cheers faded into a stunned hush. Piece by piece, you removed the heavy metal, letting it fall to the ground until you stood in the pit, exposed. Your skin, marred and scarred, told the story of your past, of the torment you had endured. The crowd gasped, some weeping at the sight of you. But your eyes—your eyes were empty, a void where once there had been pain. Now, there was nothing but calm.

Oberyn pushed through the throngs of people, heart pounding, eyes wild with panic as he scanned the crowd. The moment he stepped into the pit’s edge, his breath caught in his throat. His world stopped. You were there, in the middle of it all, a figure painted in blood and dust, screaming out for justice with a voice that could tear the heavens apart.

His heart clenched painfully at the sight of you, fury blazing in your eyes as you danced around the Mountain’s monstrous frame, every strike of your sword precise, every movement a testament to the fire that burned within you. You had trained for this. You were prepared. But watching you battle the creature who had haunted his nightmares, who had torn apart his sister and everything Oberyn held dear—it was more than he could bear.

His body surged forward on instinct, but Ellaria’s grip tightened around his arm, her fingers digging into his skin. “No,” she whispered, her voice trembling with fear and anguish. “She’s chosen this.”

Oberyn’s breath hitched, his mind warring with itself. How could he stand here, watching the woman he cared for, the one person who seemed to understand his pain, fight alone? His every instinct screamed at him to run to you, to stop this madness, to be the one to end it for you. But Ellaria was right—this was your choice. You were fighting not just for Elia, but for yourself.

His prayers, silent and desperate, echoed in his mind. Keep her safe. Please, gods, let her live.

And then, just as the Mountain loomed over you one last time, bloodied but still alive, you moved like lightning. One moment, you were in his grip, your life hanging by a thread, and the next, you were free, your daggers flashing like vengeful stars as you cut him down, piece by piece, until the Mountain—the monster who had destroyed so many lives—fell to his knees, defeated.

Oberyn blinked, his heart in his throat, as the Mountain’s confession rang out across the arena. “Elia Martell. I killed her children. Then I raped her.”

A sickening wave of relief and horror washed over him. It was done. The Mountain had confessed. But you—gods, you were still standing, barely. Covered in blood and dirt, your scarred arms laid bare for the world to see, the evidence of the hell you had endured etched into your skin.

Tyrion, still chained but now free of the weight of death, was weeping with joy, unable to believe the miracle before him. You had won. The gods had chosen justice—your justice.

But Oberyn’s eyes flickered to the Lannisters. Lord Tywin, sitting stone-faced on his perch, his knuckles white as he gripped the armrest of his chair. Cersei, beside him, her face a twisted mask of rage and disbelief. Their plans had crumbled before their eyes, and there was nothing they could do.

“The gods have made their will known,” Tywin said at last, his voice cold and measured. “Tyrion Lannister, in the name of King Tommen of the House Baratheon, First of His Name, you are hereby granted mercy.”

The words dripped with bitterness, but Tywin could do nothing to change the outcome. His gaze shifted to you, and the venom in his eyes was palpable. He stared at you as if he could will you dead on the spot, but you, bloodied and exhausted, raised your chin defiantly. Your shoulders straightened, and despite the pain, you walked with purpose, never looking back at the crowd.

Oberyn could see the weight of the battle on you, the way your steps faltered slightly as you moved toward the edge of the arena. But before you could collapse, before your body gave in, you found him.

“Oberyn,” you breathed out, a ghost of a smile on your lips, just as your vision blurred, the world spinning out of focus. You reached for him, and he ran toward you, catching you before you fell.

“My beloved,” he whispered, cradling your head in his arms, panic flooding his veins. He pressed his forehead against yours, his voice thick with emotion. “Stay with me. You’ve won. You’ve won.”

But your vision darkened, his face fading into shadows as you whispered, barely audible, “I’m sorry. For all of it. I’m sorry.”

Then everything went black.

Oberyn held you tighter, his heart racing as he carried you away from the pit, the cheers of the crowd fading into a distant roar. Ellaria trailed behind him, her face streaked with silent tears. And as the sun began to set over King’s Landing, Oberyn prayed once more, but this time, it was not for vengeance.

It was for you.

A FEW DAYS LATER...  

KING'S LANDING, RED KEEP — DAY

You inhale slowly, your eyelids fluttering open as a heavy fog of disorientation lingers. The cushion beneath you feels impossibly soft, too luxurious to be real, and the silk sheets that drape over your body are unfamiliar against your skin. For a moment, you wonder if you're still dreaming. Blinking against the blurriness, you take in the room—this isn't your quarters. It’s far too grand, too opulent. The deep burgundy tapestries hang from the walls, trimmed with gold, casting the space in a warm, regal glow. 

Your confusion deepens as your gaze drifts around the room, eventually landing on the man seated beside you, his presence both grounding and comforting. Oberyn. His dark eyes are focused entirely on you, a mixture of concern and anger etched into the lines of his face. He’s holding your hand tightly, as if letting go might mean losing you.

When he notices your eyes fluttering open, his grip tightens, his thumb brushing over your knuckles with a kind of desperation that makes your heart clench.

“You scared me,” he murmurs, his voice low and hoarse, strained by emotions he usually keeps in check. The frustration bleeds into his words, but there’s an overwhelming sense of relief as well. His brow is furrowed, and for a second, it seems like he doesn’t know whether to scold you or hold you closer.

He leans in without hesitation, pressing his lips against yours in a kiss that is both gentle and fierce. His hand cups your cheek as though he’s afraid you might disappear if he doesn't hold on. There’s a warmth in the kiss, but you can feel the anger there, too—the worry that he almost lost you, the unspoken terror that gripped him during your absence.

As you pull back from the kiss, your head still spinning, you can’t help but think of Ellaria. The question tumbles from your lips before you can stop it. “Wait… Ellaria…”

Oberyn sighs, his thumb still grazing the back of your hand as if to soothe away your concerns. “No…” he begins softly, his voice gentler now, though the tension in his posture remains. “We—both of us—have things to discuss.”

You shift beneath the covers, the comfort of the sheets doing little to ease the guilt that's settled in your chest. "I didn’t mean to cause problems,” you whisper, your voice small, barely above a murmur. 

His eyes soften as he watches you, his grip tightening for a moment before loosening again. “It wasn’t you,” he reassures you, his tone filled with a sincerity that makes your heart ache. “None of this was your fault.”

But still, the weight of it all lingers. You can’t shake the feeling that you've upset the delicate balance between them, between you, and the heavy silence presses down on you. "It kind of feels like it," you admit, your gaze dropping to the silk sheets beneath your fingers as if avoiding his eyes will make it easier.

Oberyn studies you for a moment, his intense gaze never wavering. When he speaks, his voice is soft, coaxing, but there’s a thread of steel underneath, as though he won’t let you hide from this. “What is it? Tell me.”

You hesitate, the words thick and difficult to force out. It feels vulnerable, admitting this to him. But you’ve never been one to shy away from the truth, and Oberyn deserves that, at least. You take a shaky breath. “I don’t like to share,” you confess, your voice barely a whisper as you look up at him, afraid of what you might see in his eyes.

For a moment, there's silence. Then, a small smile tugs at the corner of his lips—not mocking, but understanding. “Ah,” he says softly, a faint chuckle escaping him, though it holds no malice. His fingers lace through yours more tightly, and he raises your hand to his lips, pressing a kiss to your knuckles. “You don't need to worry about that right now.”

His tone is light, almost teasing, but there’s something deeper in the way he looks at you. Something reassuring. “We’ll figure it out,” he adds, his voice calm, steady, as if this problem is not insurmountable, as if you and he could face anything together.

You can’t help the way your heart warms at his words, at the way he so effortlessly defuses your fears with that simple, quiet confidence of his. You offer him a tentative smile, still feeling a little raw, a little unsure, but his presence, as always, is enough to make the world seem just a little bit easier to face.

For now, in this moment, the tension fades. It’s just the two of you, hands intertwined, the weight of your worries shared between you. And somehow, that’s enough.

Everything seemed to be falling back into place, except for one thing—you couldn’t stay. You had already resigned from your position as a servant to the Lannisters, knowing it was only a matter of time before they dismissed you.

That morning, after bidding farewell to your duties, you left a good sum of gold for Serena, thanking her for all she had done. It wasn’t nearly enough to repay her, but it was all you had. She had been your silent ally, and you owed her your life.

You had recovered well enough, and when the time came, you scribbled a note and left it on Oberyn’s desk. Just a few words, playful but loaded with meaning:  

“Do you want to come see the ocean with me?”

The sun was sinking into the horizon, casting the sky in soft shades of gold and lavender as you and Oberyn strolled along the coast. The sea breeze brushed against your skin, cool and salty, but comforting. It tousled your hair, lifting the loose strands in gentle waves. Beside you, Oberyn’s hand was warm, his fingers entwined with yours as he led you along the shore. His voice, rich and smooth like velvet, floated through the air, serenading you with a Dornish love song. His words, though foreign, melted into the air, wrapping around you like a familiar embrace.

You looked up at him, his face glowing in the fading light, his eyes reflecting the endless ocean beside you. In his presence, the world seemed smaller, quieter. The chaotic din of King's Landing, the bloodshed, and the weight of everything that had come before—it all faded into the background. Here, it was just the two of you, walking along the edge of the world.

Oberyn’s arm slid around your waist, pulling you closer as he leaned down to kiss your temple. “You look peaceful,” he murmured, his voice a low rumble that vibrated against your skin. 

You smiled, feeling the warmth of his affection settle deep in your chest. "I feel peaceful. For once," you whispered, your eyes meeting his, drinking in the tenderness you saw there. 

As the two of you made your way to a small dock, you found an old crate to sit on, the wood weathered and worn by years of salt and sea. You sat side by side, legs dangling off the edge, sharing a bottle of Dornish red wine. The world around you felt infinite—expansive ocean stretching out before you, stars beginning to shimmer in the twilight sky, the rhythmic lull of the waves breaking against the shore.

The wine was sweet, its taste lingering on your lips as you passed the bottle between you, laughing between sips, sharing stolen kisses in between stories. Oberyn’s hand slid along your back, his touch sending a shiver down your spine. He was so close, and yet, for the first time, you felt the distance growing. 

There was a part of you that ached, knowing how this perfect moment would end.

You leaned into him, resting your head against his shoulder. “Oberyn,” you murmured, your voice quiet, barely louder than the waves.

“Hmm?” He turned his head slightly, pressing a kiss into your hair.

You closed your eyes, inhaling his scent—the mix of sun and leather, and something uniquely him. For a moment, you just listened to the sound of his heartbeat, steady and sure. You wanted to bottle this moment, to keep it forever, but you knew that was impossible.

“I love this,” you whispered. “I love… you.”

Oberyn smiled against your hair, his lips brushing your skin. “And I you.”

You stayed like that for a long time, the two of you wrapped in the silence, the kind that didn’t need words. The sky above grew darker, stars spilling across the night like scattered diamonds. Everything felt right in that instant, perfect even. But you knew better than to believe in perfect endings.

When Oberyn stood to fetch more wine, you watched him walk away, your heart already breaking with every step he took. He looked back, flashing you a teasing grin, unaware of the storm brewing inside you. You held on to that image of him—happy, carefree, the man who had brought light into your world.

You waited until he disappeared into the distance before you moved. You pulled the small seashell from your pocket, the one you'd found on the shore earlier. You placed it carefully beside the note you had written earlier, your hand trembling as you set it on the crate where you had shared so many stolen moments with Oberyn.

Your breath caught in your throat as you re-read the words you had scrawled:

“We’re at the final destination. This is the end. Goodbye.”

The weight of it all settled over you as you stood there for a moment, staring out at the endless sea. Your heart ached in a way you couldn’t describe, torn between love and the inevitability of your decision. You closed your eyes, letting the wind caress your face one last time before you turned and walked away, leaving only the note and seashell behind.

By the time Oberyn returned, laughing with another bottle of wine in hand, you were already gone.

He looked around, the smile slipping from his face as he called your name. Panic crept into his voice as he scanned the dock, eyes landing on the seashell and the note. His hand trembled as he picked it up, his heart hammering in his chest as he read the words.

The bottle of wine slipped from his grasp, shattering on the ground, just like his heart.

ATOP THE CLIFFS — EVENING

The wind howled as you stood at the edge of the cliffs, looking down at the jagged rocks and the sea below. You had built a small fire, watching as the flames consumed the journal you had written in for years—pages full of unsent letters, regrets, and broken dreams. The smoke curled into the twilight sky, taking with it the pieces of you no one had ever seen.

Tears streamed down your face as you whispered into the wind, "I hope that in the end, whether I’m in the world or not, your world will be full of me. I want you to resent every moment of your life so much that you feel it deep in your bones. Let me do that. I’ll be the one who kills me."

The ocean roared beneath you, the cliffs standing as silent witnesses to your final moment. You stepped closer to the edge, the weight of the world lifting as you prepared to let go.

But then—  

“Help! Please help! Save him!”

You turned slowly, tears still blurring your vision. Standing at a distance was Ellaria Sand, her face stricken with panic. Her voice trembled as she called out, “If this is the end you were preparing for, then you should already know. What if… Oberyn chooses this end too?”

You stood frozen, silent, tears streaming down your face as Ellaria took a cautious step toward you. Her voice was thick with emotion as she continued, “I met with Serena. She told me about you. She told me everything—about where you came from, how you ended up here.”

Ellaria’s voice cracked as she pleaded with you. “This isn’t the way things should end. When Oberyn told me he wanted to help you get revenge, I gave him my permission. So please… give me your permission to save your life today.”

You could barely breathe, your chest tight with grief and confusion. 

Ellaria’s eyes were wet with tears as she took another step forward. “Whether I have to hang on to you or jump with you, I will save you. I need you to help him—help Oberyn escape his hell so that he can choose to live.”

You stared at her, your tears flowing freely now, and your gaze drifted back to the ocean, where the sun had almost dipped below the horizon. Stars began to streak across the sky, as if the gods themselves were watching, waiting for your decision.

End Notes:

Okay OKAY LISTEN LISTEN, I know it doesn’t make sense that Ellaria shows up there. It’s all fantasy. But if we assume that there were tiny bits of divine intervention here and there, she could appear on those cliffs because she wanted to save you.

TAGLIST:

@greenwitchfromthewoods @shessweetsour @christinamadsen

[bloopitynoot]

Reading SVSSS: Chapter 12

For those who don't know, I am reading SVSSS for the first time and sharing my thoughts!

If you have not read it, there will be spoilers! Consider this a warning.

Also- if you want to follow along, I am aiming to post updates daily. You can find all the posts in the tag bloopitynoot reads SVSSS. You can also check out the intro post for context on my read.

Heading into chapter 12!

It's been an absolute day at work, but I got to do a lovely walk with a friend afterwards AND Charlie decided to grace us with his presence (very briefly for head pats).

Tea today is peppermint! Dinner break midway through this little chapter was congee and I was very pleased with it- photo further down lol.

Let's get into it!

OMG I knew that the Dew Lake snake man would be back! I did not think they'd be here as a "handsome young man" though. I fear that Shen Qingqiu is absolutely fucked LOL. p265

oof. and now I feel like we are entering the territory for daddy issues. We have Luo Binghe's father's right hand man introduced pp266-267

Well. at least if he is likely going to suffer, the plot holes will be filled. thank you system for the points. p267

wait. Could Zhuzhi-lang be an ally? or will this guy brutally die later? (do not actually tell me this, I'm just planting my speculations). my thoughts are he could be an ally because SQQ DID save him and give him an unexpected boon by mushroom bod. but also, if Luo Binghe see's SQQ being close to another demon that man will surely murder the other demon. p268

WHY SO MANY SNAKES??? I hate that so much! p270

All I'm seeing from SQQ is kink shaming. This guy has got to stop yucking other's yums. First with the necrophilia now he's anti demons fucking snakes. it's the panicked "way too fucking hardcore" for me p271

SQQ: can you handle the snakes pls? Zhuzhi-Lang: nah they like you. p272

okay, but why is he asking for women? is it to do with the snakes? or is it because he is having a sexual crisis and needs to reassure himself?? p273

they're really going to this brothel? p274

LOL even the brothel ladies sing (very uncomfortable but I guess they enjoy it) love songs about Luo Binghe and SQQ's tragic love story p276

AHAHAHAHA SQQ's "summary" of their story on page 277 has me absolutely dying XD

Ah! that's why the women and the brothel -> the wine! p278

Cultivation wise I do really love that SQQ can just pick up any fan and start cultivating. that is honestly the coolest part of his cultivation. I love it so much. p279

LOL he really just made the snake pass out, rented a sword (idfk WHEN but he did) and dipped from the entire situation. p281

SQQ: this is a later problem, byyyyeeeeeeee.

I stated I would have congee pic earlier and here is me delivering on that. It's pork congee with eggs, tofu, pork, green onions and an ungodly amount of chili crisp.

I'm slowly turning this chapter-by-chapter read into a stay at home mom's recipe blog. I am not sorry.

That's a wrap for chapter 12!

Okay so thankfully nothing terribly tragic happened this chapter. It does feel like a big set up though so I am a little nervous about that.

AND. He still has all of this demon blood in him so he really is fucked. He may have escaped for the moment but I see all of the demons coming back for him.

We'll see what happens next chapter!

[sophieswundergarten]

In the very, very crack AU that's been swirling around my brain for a while, I've been wondering who would be a Time Lord in a Doctor Who/MBS crossover

Now, obviously, it could be Nicholas & Nathaniel for the Doctor & Master conflict.

However, I think once you get past the easy options it gets a lot funnier

Milligan. Just, Milligan as a Time Lord. Wandering around. Maybe he uses the Chameleon Arch thing and gets amnesia while pretending to be human, maybe he's just messing around and pretending to have amnesia because he panicked and couldn't think of a proper cover. The thing is, then, is Kate his biological daughter? I mean, she still could be, but I'm not touching the disaster that is DW genetic familial relationships with a ten foot pole so that's not my problem

Rhonda would actually be really, really good at disguises and blending in. I think she'd actually be great at just popping into random situations and helping but not freaking people out. She still does a lot of vandalism stuff because honestly sometimes people deserve it, but now she's got a psychic paper that just lets her get out of whatever trouble she might have been in

Number Two. That's all I've got to say

Miss Perumal, similar to Rhonda, I think would be absolutely great at the helpful part. She just settles down and pours herself into helping a few people or a certain community. Everyone loves her, and she occasionally lets very special people she trusts go traveling with her, but for the most part everyone just thinks she's a really sweet, eccentric lady who's a bit mysterious

Garrison... is still having her breakdown, but this time it's not just about Curtain. He's the final straw after years of human stupidity and misuse of her technology that she's been trying to help them with. She's Not Doing Alright. She loses her faith in humanity for a little bit, and Curtain was kind of her last-ditch attempt to see if people could be better but then he went off the rails and she's not sure what to do now but she just can't leave because he's actually got some powerful alien tech

After you rule out most of the adults, it gets even weirder in my book, but I don't think anyone wants to hear me ramble about which of the kids it most likely to secretly be an immortal time traveling alien with the current state of my mind

[add1ctedt0you]

Sucker for pain

That's for all the writers who look at jiang cheng and decide to put him through other unimaginable woes. <3 As if his life wasn't rough enough lol.

[welcometogrouchland]

Batman #149 by chip zdarsky is mostly unremarkable, but I'm really fascinated by how it makes a great case for 'good' endings not saving 'bad' stories*. Because there's a lot of interesting concepts in this issue (bruce having to deal with his rapidly aging and decaying clone making him think about his own life, re-establishing a 'nest' so to speak for his family after pushing them away, etc) but bc of the OOC slog that came before it, almost every moment w/ the batfamily comes off as unearned and disingenuous imo.

Like, everything with Damian is the perfect example in this. Because in isolation it's...fine. admittedly it's a missed opportunity to not go deeper into how Damian would feel about a clone of his dad who tried to kill considering Damian's relationships with clones of himself (the heretic rejects and respawn) or with former enemies who wanted him dead but who were manipulated and/or brainwashed (like suren and maya).

Zdarsky doesn't go into any of this but you could maybe excuse it as the issue not being about Damian. However, coupled with the previous bizarre characterizations of Damian in 147 and 148, it ends up not being fine- instead it starts to feel...icky how Damian (who, despite often being drawn and written as white, will never have his connection to the non-white al ghuls forgotten and will always be effected by racism even when not portrayed as a poc) is constantly written as overly violent, uncaring and narrow minded in this run. Coupled w/ trying to recanonize the morrison origin for Damian it's like. OH this is badly written and laden with subtle bigotry, sick**

That's me going into detail on it with Damian but it's applicable to other things in this issue- the way Cass, Steph and Duke have all been ignored or turned into jobbers makes their inclusion in the 'family' here feel hollow instead of satisfying. Bruce proclaiming that Zur was still a part of him and he needs to accept responsibility for his actions (when it means taking in clone son) wrings hollow when just last issue zdarsky was bending over backwards to separate Bruce and Zur bc otherwise the Jason thing would get really awkward. Ends are achieved through means that feel hollow or strange. I'm at my destination but damn why'd the bus have to do all that???

I only really have opinions on this latest arc of zdarskys Batman bc it's the one I've read the closest (bc I'm a hater, masochist and avid follower of even the bad damian storylines) but it's not saying great things.

Bc zdarsky can do one thing good in this book, and it's write Bruce and Tim. And yet this entire story, whether of his own volition or editorial mandate, includes other characters who aren't Bruce and Tim, the fabric starts to unravel in very telling ways.

(p.s, I think pennyworth manor is an interesting idea but I feel like in execution it's just gonna be 'bruce living in a house haunted by the memory of the people he couldn't save' but with a different dead guy this time. Illusion of change and whatnot)

*whether or not the ending is good is up to you ofc, as is your opinion on the proceeding arc! I saw some ppl complain that the ending was too "WFA" for them, which I get even if I dont think it'll literally be the same premise. If anything it's probably a lead into the new tec run. Likewise many ppl who aren't in the weeds of Damian and Jason characterization liked the previous arc! But I have my opinions and rest my case before the bench

**disclaimer, I'm white and portrayals of bigotry in comics are complicated and subjective, but I am basing my point here off what other poc comic fans on socmed have been saying about 149. Also the "sick" is sarcasm incase that wasn't obvious

[korrasamibottles]

Yeah Venom of the Red Lotus showed us how crazy powerful Korra is but The Last Stand had Korra transform the destructive power of a massive bomb blast into something regenerative in the culmination of one of the best character arcs I've ever seen. In my OPINION!!

[finisnihil]

Analysis with Penacony spoilers ahead, read at your own behest

I love Acheron so so much and one of the main reasons is how human she tries to be. She‘s trying so hard to stay human, to be human.

She’s killed people the blood debt is a burden she carries. She only sees the world in black, white, and red, but she gets lost easily and guides strangers home and she thanks you for trusting her even though you don’t have to and she protects a little boy from the mafia and she mourns your friend with you even though she didn’t know her because she knows you’re hurting and she helps you calm down after you watched your friend die horribly and she stays with you and looks after you and tells you to stay level headed and she apologies for being held back from protecting those you love because she isn’t human anymore and then she does one of the most human thing of all and blesses the soul and mourns her with you, guides her home like she did with you. Acheron is gentle like a psychopomp, like Death. She cries blood but it’s still crying.

Onto the allusion, the name Acheron comes from the river Acheron, one of the five rivers of the Underworld in Greek mythology. The Acheron is the River of Woe/Pain/Lost Souls. The River Cocytus (River of Wailing/Lamentation) and River Phlegethon (River of Magma) both flow into the River Acheron and the River Styx (River of Oaths/Border to the Underworld/Makes one invulnerable if they bathe in it) stems from the Acheron. The final river is the River Lethe which causes forgetfulness when bathed in or drunk from and usually used by the souls of the dead to be reborn. These allusions fit Acheron well, as she cries blood which is fitting for one named after the River of Woe. Her difficulty to hold onto memories is also reminiscent of the Lethe, especially now that we know she’s an Emanator. She was technically “reborn” as when she became one.

Building off this, she fulfills the role of a psychopomp. In folklore and mythology psychopomp are entities that guide souls of the dead, such a Thanatos in Greek mythology who is the personification of peaceful death (Who Seele has allusions to but that’s another analysis). Aventurine associates Acheron with the Finality a few times and we see her act like a psychopomp when she does things like “take us home” when we first meet her and she mentions guiding again when she sends Firefly off. She gets lost in the waking world but never seems to in the Dreamscape.

Building even more off this allusion, in Greek mythology the twin brother of Thanatos is Hypnos, the personification of sleep. Sleep and death are often tied together even outside of Greek mythology, like the Epic of Gilgamesh where Gilgamesh is literally told he can’t think about conquering death when he can’t even conquer sleep.

This all leads me to a theory about why Acheron said she had no choice in whether to draw her blade. She wanted to but she had no choice in the matter. We’ve seen her draw her blade twice so far in the story and it was to wake the Trailblazer and to fight Sam. If Acheron is an agent of the Finality maybe her blade can’t be drawn because it can only be used against those dying or dead or not living? We know Firefly was dying and we know she has a weird connection with Sam. The weird “Death” monster also seemed to target Firefly. I think Acheron couldn’t draw her sword against the “Death” because she is also an agent of Death and cannot attack one of her own, but she can use it against Firefly because Firefly is dying and it would be seen as a final severing of the soul from life or as “harvesting” the soul. Of course I could be completely and utterly wrong I’m literally just making an analysis based on allusions and motifs but still I think it’s interesting. Plus Aventurine calls Acheron and Sam enemies and Sam uses fire, an element typically seen as representing life.

Pulling a little bit away, Acheron sees the world in black, white, and red. The red is fleeting according to her and it reappears when a choice is made. If Acheron is a psychopomp this makes sense, she would mostly see the world as the living and the dead and the red could be a tie to the idea of the red string of fate, as we know destiny is a major theme of HSR’s story. When we make choices that change the direction of fate, we interact with the red strings of fate. This could be another reason she’s at odds with the Stellaron Hunters, they adhere strongly to the idea of destiny but to death destiny would have a different meaning. Her sword has an eye and is adorned with red which is where the majority of the color in her design is centered, going back to my theory around her sword it could represent how it cuts strings of fate and the eye matches the one on the “Death” nightmare.

We also know she apparently hijacked the Ever-Flame Mansion party to come here, maybe because she sensed there would be a lot of death here and came to collect the souls?

Finally, I would like to reiterate I do not play HI3 this is just something I’ve noticed, so correct me if I’m wrong:

She seems to be a Raiden Mei Expy and I know nothing of that character but I did notice when she says “Do you remember me?” there’s the answer of no and yes, and she akins us to a dear friend she had. We, the protagonist, fulfill the same role in this game Kiana (I think that’s the HI3 protag) does in HI3 and I’m vaguely aware Raiden Mei and Kiana have some sort of relationship in HI3. This asking if we remember her could be two things to me: Either she’s asking if we remember her as we have faced death before or she’s asking if we the player remember her from HI3, which she may have an awareness of if she is a personification of death and that may link her to knowledge of the Imaginary Tree as trees seem to be associated with death in HSR when you remember Yaoshi is associated with trees as well and the fruit of their tree on the Xianzhou gives immortality, where if Luocha is an Emanator he would have that tree motif too and we know he has tree motifs because he’s an Expy of Otto who did interact with what I think was the Imaginary Tree and that carried over when Luocha was given the element of Imaginary (Of course I had to talk about Luocha who do you think I am)

Anyways there’s so so much more but this post is already really really long and probably incomprehensible so if I think of any more I’ll make like a part II post anyways thanks for reading this far if you did and feel free to add discussion, mwah!

[shreddeddescent]

hhhhh yeah ok just for funsies.....

here's a snippet (its way longer than a snippet its 4000 words) of the worst case scenario story i wrote.

idk how much of the specifics will be canon. but i do think this is such a good blow up that it would be mean to keep it to myself.

maybe im posting it just to be like YEAH OK HERES THE TONE. IF YOURE NOT COMFORTABLE THEN YOU CANT BE HERE...

Warnings for mentions of: CSA rape forced incest uhhhh more probably. nothing shown but much mentioned. possibly warnings for more im not even thinking of. Im sorry just be careful.

Don’t be fucking weird about it to me ok we are in the raw place

so context. shredder kidnapped the boys for days to get what he wanted out of them. implications are clear enough through context i think. lot of drugging. they escaped and killed him (like for real this time) shit is weird and they're handling it as best they can. everyone is aware of this. they've had one therapy session w a weirdly inhuman therapist april found (from her connections in cryptid world) and nobody wants to look their mom in the eye. least of all raph. cuz god does it ever feel bad to know she knows.

the boys seem ok to the naked eye though. hence. this.

--

When they woke up the next morning Mikey had decided to make everyone pancakes. A true feast of flavours after their days of slop.

Donnie and Leo had set the table and let Raph rest at the head of it, he was still wearing Donnie’s old ratty black hoodie, it fit him perfectly. He’d also found some sweatpants, but those only rode up to his mid thigh. It still helped though.

Mikey was making two batches of pancakes, half with chocolate chips and half without, the pickier eaters with the cool mask colours refusing to try something sweet.

The air smelled strongly of bacon, and it was making Raph’s tummy growl loudly.

“Mikey you better hurry up, Raph’s gonna eat his plate!” Leo joked as he pat Raph on the back.

“You can’t hurry perfection!” Mikey whined as he plated some bacon.

“Uuuughhhh Mikey…! I can see the light!” Raph gasped out and reached his arm out above his head, miming his own death.

Mikey huffed and chucked a piece of bacon on his plate.

“To tide you over you big baby.”

Raph gasped and picked it up between his fingers gobbling it down with a loud moan.

“So fucking good Mikey…”

“Oh you’re all up!”

Raph froze, swallowing hard.

His mom was behind him and he was wearing Donnie’s hoodie. He had just moaned Mikey’s name. And his mom was behind him.

He felt Leo hovering over him but he didn’t move.

“Hi mom.” Leo said gently.

“Decided to make a big breakfast?” She wandered over to look at what Mikey was doing at the stove.

Leo put a hand on Raph’s shoulder when she turned and leaned down to enter his eyeline.

Raph stared at him with a panicked expression. Leo looked sympathetic.

“Yeah, we’re all pretty hungry.” Mikey responded.

“You want some help?”

“I got it, it’s almost done anyway.”

Raph was trying like hell not to have a panic attack. Leo put both arms around his shoulders in a loose hug, leaning down to speak in his ear.

“Deep breaths, Raph, it’s just mom. You’re okay.”

He tried to breathe, placing a hand on Leo’s arm. He saw his mom turn and quickly threw Leo’s arms off him.

She stared at him sadly, but tried to smile anyway.

“How are you feeling today Raphael?”

“Hungry.” He answered quickly. “Just really hungry.”

Her smile faltered for a moment, but she tried to keep it up anyway.

“Well, good thing your brother is such a good cook.” She turned to the fridge to grab some juice.

Raph clasped his chest, he didn’t know why it hurt.

Donnie was staring at him with some concern, he looked like he was about to ask him something so Raph just glared at him and held his finger to his lips.

Donnie rolled his eyes and rest his folded arms on the table.

Raph just stared at his empty plate, trying to calm his nerves.

Leo pat him on the back and shook him gently.

“Raphael do you want me to put on some coffee? Or would you like to take a nap later?”

He stared at his empty plate. Caffeine would make his chest worse than it already was.

“No, I'm very awake right now, super okay.” He super fucking wasn’t okay and he didn’t know why.

She turned around to pour a glass of orange juice for herself.

“Enough food for me to join you boys?”

Mikey turned his head to look back at Raph in question.

Raph stared back at him with an anxious look in his eye. He then looked back at his mom.

“Of course you can eat breakfast with us we’re not avoiding you or anything that would be mean!” He tried to make his words sound as playful as he could but he was pretty sure he sounded crazy.

She gave him a puzzled look but smiled anyway, and sat at the other end of the table.

Donnie gave him the most dumbfounded look, shaking his head slightly.

Leo nonchalantly scooted his chair closer to Raph and leaned over the counter.

“So. What did our doctor tell you?”

Raph kicked him under the table but he didn’t react.

She frowned and clasped her hands around her cup, looking down at it.

“She… said a few things. She told me to give you space, but not be too far in case you needed to talk. I’m trying not to worry, but I’m a little surprised that none of you have seeked me out for anything.”

Raph frowned and rubbed his arm, looking away.

“I.. I’m sorry, feels too raw right now..”

“I think anything we need to talk about can be said to the therapist.” Donnie said.

Raph looked up to glare at Donnie for his rudeness, but he’d stood up to help Mikey bring plates of food to the table.

“Which I understand, but I feel out of the loop. You’ve spoken to April. And this doctor. But no one even looked to me for a hug…”

Raph chewed his lip and closed his eyes. He felt horrible.

“Mom, I’m so sorry I just—“

“Because trying to be physically close with anyone right now is hard, mom.” Leo interrupted. Raph thought his tone was too harsh. “We’ve been through hell and we’re just trying to be normal. It’s awkward and it sucks. But it’s hard to add other people to it.”

Raph groaned and shoved him lightly with his shoulder.

“We’re fine, mom. We’re coping.”

She eyed the two of them carefully with her hands clasped in front of her face as Donnie and Mikey placed the plates of pancakes and meats in front of everyone.

She was looking at Raph’s hoodie, she was looking at how close Leo was to him.

He looked away from her so he could pile as many chocolate chip pancakes onto his plate as he could. Leo leaned over him to add some bacon and hash browns to it, knowing he would forget to diversify his plate.

It was not helping.

Raph grumbled and took a big bite of pancakes. He couldn’t help but moan again. “These are so fucking good, Mikey…”

Mikey grinned from his seat near splinter at the corner. He and Donnie had very different plates, his full of all the variety, Donnie sticking to his plain pancakes with nothing on them.

“Thank you! Worth the wait right?” He asked with his mouth full.

“Yes, I’m sorry.” Raph whined dramatically and stuffed his face more. Eating real delicious food after all that gross paste felt so good. He’d never felt so hungry, he was going to overindulge.

“How are you coping?” Splinter asked suddenly between her bites of food.

Raph tensed and looked up at her, gulping back hard.

“Sorry?”

“You said you were fine and coping. So how are you coping?” She looked up at him with a weird look and he needed to look back down. It was making him queasy.

“I.. I don’t know, we’re just hanging out I guess.” He mumbled and picked at his food.

“Is that a new hoodie?”

He tensed and tried to make himself small.

“No, it’s Donnie’s…”

“Hm.” She washed back her food with a chug of juice.

His brothers weren’t as tense as he was, but they did look uneasy by her presence. It wasn’t unusual, he was usually the only one trying to hold conversation, and he had been the one to inadvertently invite her to join them. They all kind of wanted to be alone.

“Mikey? You should have let me help, you seemed to have forgotten the eggs.”

‘She knows she knows she knows she knows!’

Raph slammed his head down on the counter to shut the voice in his head up.

There was a pause. Leo pressed a hand to his back.

“You good..?”

He picked his head up sharply and grunted.

“Never better.” He started scarfing down the pancakes in as big of bites as he could. Maybe he could finish fast and get out of here.

“I… didn’t make eggs cuz our stomachs are a little too empty for eggs…” Mikey mumbled between bites.

‘She knows he’s lying she knows he’s trying to protect you she knows!’

He clenched his fist around his fork and swallowed hard, staring intensely at his plate. He put his free hand under the table to dig his nails into his thigh instead of hurting his head where she could see it.

Unfortunately Leo noticed and grabbed his hand under the counter to stop him. Which she also noticed.

He slapped his hand away and glared at him.

“Leo what are you doing to your brother?!”

Leo snapped his head up to look at her and he looked like a deer caught in headlights.

“Nothing!”

Raph wished he had hair so he could pull it all out.

“Oh for fucks sake, SPLINTER, we are NOT. FUCKING each other!” Donnie shouted as he suddenly stood up and leaned over the counter.

Raph looked at him in absolute horror.

Splinters eyes went wide and she looked at him angrily.

“What?!”

Donnie growled.

“I can see what you’re doing! You keep eyeing Raph up for being too close to us! You’re assuming the worst!” Donnie gestures to him with one hand without turning his gaze away from splinter. “You’re going to give him ANOTHER panic attack!”

Raph clutched his head in his hands, staring wildly at nothing as he curled his upper body over the counter, facing down at the table.

“Donnie!” He heard Mikey yell as another stool scooted back.

“I-I am not assuming anything!” His mother sounded offended and angry.

“Guys.” Leo said sternly.

“You literally asked him about my hoodie! As if it was the weirdest thing in the world for my traumatized rape victim of a brother to request items of clothing!”

“He’s just never worn anything like that before!”

“Gee Splinter I wonder why!”

“Donnie this isn’t your fight!” Mikey yelled and Raph heard a small smack.

“Someone has to fucking fight for that idiot! Everyone’s fucking dancing around it as if we don’t all know what’s wrong!”

Raph was staring at his plate so hard the colours were burning into his brain.

“No one wants to tell me what’s wrong! Everyone comes home from hell and avoids their mother like the plague! And I am just supposed to not fear the worst?! You have no idea all the things I can smell on you boys!”

“Where was that nose THE FIRST TIME?!” Donnie shouted as it sounded like he slammed both fists on the counter.

“What?!”

He was growling.

“You didn’t smell DAD all over Raph?!”

Raph stood suddenly, hands still clasped over his ears and he didn’t look at anyone, just kept his head facing the ground as he ran out of the room.

He bolted into the bathroom and proceeded to throw up all of the delicious pancakes he’d enjoyed so much. He couldn’t even have one nice thing.

He heard a gentle knock at the open door and didn’t turn away from the bowl.

“I have some water…” Leo said quietly. He made no effort to step inside.

Raph reached his arm back to take the cup without looking.

Leo passed it to him and stayed in the doorway.

Raph kept staring at the bowl, waiting to see if he has anything left before he chugged water and rinsed his mouth out a few times.

“Thanks…” he mumbled as he grabbed toilet paper to wipe his face with.

“Do you want me to sit with you..?”

Raph kept staring at the bowl.

“Yeah…”

Leo walked inside and sat beside him propping up an elbow on his knee.

“Can I rub your back?”

“Why are you asking permission?” Raph looked up at him frustratedly. He was just giving him a sympathetic frown.

“Cuz I think no one is asking how you feel before they decide they know what’s best for you.”

Raph turned back to the bowl, taking in what he meant.

“I… thank you…” he sighed, straightening his back out to look at the back of the toilet. He was pretty sure there was nothing left in him, but he just kind of wanted to sit in this quiet moment away from everyone else. Puke or not.

Leo took it upon himself to flush the toilet for him.

“If it helps, I’m pretty sure Mikey’s gonna chew Donnie’s ear off for that.”

“What does it matter, he’s not wrong.” Raph sighed.

“It was not his place to shout your bullshit at mom.”

Raph turned to look up at him frustrated.

“He’s right though. That’s what hurts.”

Leo frowned and nodded.

“He is, but it’s still not his place to talk over you about you. It’s not moms place to make you feel like shit about yourself when you’re barely holding on. And it’s not Donnie’s place to decide how you tell mom about your own shit.”

Raph looked away, feeling tears coming.

“I was never gonna tell mom. I was… I was literally never ever gonna tell her that…”

Leo scooted closer and leaned his head down to be at eye level with him.

“I get that. We all kinda knew that. I’m sorry Donnie did that to you.”

Raph closed his eyes.

“You can hug me if you want to…”

He felt Leo pull him in to a loose hug from his side, letting him lean his body against his.

“I… I know what Donnie did is fucked but… but I also mean that I was never going to be ABLE to tell mom that…”

Leo hummed and rubbed his shoulder.

“You’re half grateful. Half angry.”

He laughed a little. “Yeah… I know it’s.. it’s my fault for saying it was ok for her to join us but… but god Leo I feel so bad all the time, she seems lonely and sad and I just.. I can’t look at her and think about what she thinks of me…”

“I mean—“

“And don’t just tell me not to worry about what she thinks.”

There was a pause.

“That’s all you were gonna say.” Raph grumbled and pat Leo’s arm. “I hate that nobody ever gets along, and I hate that I’m stuck in the middle of it…”

“Sounds exhausting.”

“It is! I’m tired and I just want people to fucking… I don’t know.. I’m trying to be okay…”

Leo tugged him closer. “You don’t have to be okay, no one expects you to be okay.”

He sighed and pat Leo’s arm. “I wanna go back in there…”

Leo gently let go of him and stood up, holding his hand out to help him up. He then pointed at the sink.

“Maybe one last rinse and spit.”

Raph sighed and leaned over to gargle tap water for a moment before turning and staring up at Leo who gave him a thumbs up.

Leo let him lead the way out of the room.

He was still hearing arguing as he walked towards the kitchen.

“—have any idea how hard this was?!”

“Yes! Because you never shut up about it!”

“Oh that’s kind of you to say!”

“Does it EVER cross your mind how hard WE had it as BABIES?!”

He hovered in the doorway for a moment.

He saw his mother standing on a stool to shout at eye level, Donnie just glaring daggers still in the same spot.

Mikey had his arms folded, the expression on his face looked far older and exhausted than it should have on his sweet face.

“Of course I do! That’s why I needed to get you out of there!”

Raph walked in the kitchen and they all stared at him.

Mikey’s expression softened instantly, he looked worried.

Raph parsed the last thing his mother had said and he turned to look at her, feeling angry for some reason.

“But… you didn’t get us out… I got us out.” He said quietly.

He sensed Leo standing behind him leaning against the door frame.

His mother made a face.

“That’s not fair.” She said as she climbed down of the stool to sit normally. “I found us all a way out, I got us a home.”

“Six years later.” He almost whispered. He wasn’t sure where this was coming from.

Mikey and Donnie were staring at him in awe. Splinter looked offended.

“You know where I—“

“I know where you were. I know why you were gone.” He clenched his fists and took a breath, standing up straight. “I don’t blame you for leaving. Or being gone. I’m sorry. But…” he looked at Mikey, his sweet eyes growing larger. He eyed Donnie, whose guilty look was turning warmer. He looked back at his mother. “But when you were gone bad things happened to us, and no one came to save us.”

Her eyes were watering. It made his water too, so he turned his head to look away.

He sensed Leo step in beside him and felt him grab his hand gently.

Raph looked up at him, he was giving him a gentle smile and nodded at him to continue.

Leo had him.

He looked back at his mom’s tearful eyes.

“I-I know that! And I feel terrible about it every day!”

He gave her a dark glare.

“Did you know dad raped me?”

Her eyes went wide and she didn’t say anything.

He frowned.

“You either didn’t think about how bad we had it, or you knew and didn’t do anything about it. I don’t know which makes me more miserable to think about.”

“Raphael—“

“Stop!” He shouted. She tensed up and he felt guilty instantly, none of them liked a booming voice.

He rubbed his temple with his free hand.

“Stop. We know the therapist was April’s idea. And we know you didn’t let her get one for us before. I understand….” He sighed, “I understand that we were in hiding. That you were scared for us, scared we’d get caught, shipped back there and have the worst thing happen, but… but we could have gotten help years ago! I could have gotten help! I-I shut down mom! I forgot all about it! And you might think that’s good! That makes it all okay cuz I shut it all out but it came back to haunt me!

Tears were falling down his cheeks, he felt so angry and so miserable and so so justified.

“You said… you told me. When you found me you told me you had been watching us! Trying to watch over us right? What… what did you see dad do that finally pushed you over the edge and made you admit you were there?”

She looked so pained, so guilty. He didn’t want to break his stare no matter how much it hurt. He didn’t want to give her a way out.

“Your… the things he wanted to do to you… to your brothers because of you…”

“BECAUSE of me?!” He snatched his hand away from Leo’s to clench both of his fists.

Her tears were free roaming, she balled her fists on the counter.

“Because of how you were born! H-he got opportunity as soon as he found that out! He was going to use them on you! Because of how you were born!”

Raph shook his head dumbfounded, staring at the ground.

“Because of how I was born…” he repeated. “So it’s.. so it’s my fault guys! Because I was born like this!”

“Raphael that’s not what I meant!”

He snapped his head up to glare at her. “Isn’t it?! You just said what caused you to finally warn me was learning about that! How did you even learn that!”

She stared at him for a long while. Crying silently as she tried to find her words.

His muscles were trembling from how tightly wound he felt.

“I… saw you get examined in the lab… I was in the vent, y-you were on the table with your little legs…” she sobbed. “I-I saw what he did… i s-saw you lie there l-like you were asleep…”

Raph felt an icy chill run through his body.

He stood back, staring at her in shock and shaking his head a little.

“You… you saw him do it…”

It wasn’t a question.

Her face answered it anyway. Anguished, guilty, miserable. Sobbing away at the table.

He couldn’t move and she didn’t say anything.

“Mom…” Leo softly whispered beside him.

Donnie kicked his stool over with violent force and marched out of the room.

Mikey was staring at Raph with big wet eyes.

Raph was frozen.

“How… how could you..?” Leo asked her.

She hid her face in her hands, sobbing loudly.

“Y-you couldn’t go back! H-help would have brought attention! You couldn’t go back!” She wailed. “A-and you blocked it all out! What was I supposed to do!!!”

“SOMETHING!!!” Mikey screamed suddenly.

They all turned to look at him. He looked more furious than anyone had ever seen him, pure rage in his eyes, sitting up on the counter with his body hunched over.

He shook his head in utter disbelief and got down off the stool, marching over to Raph and taking his hand.

“We should leave.” He said seriously and tugged on it.

Raph didn’t want to move.

“H-he tried to do the deed himself Raphael! H-he tried to use himself as the donor first! H-how could I tell you that!” She slammed her fists down.

Leo’s hands were on Raph’s shoulders now.

“You… saw dad rape me…”

She kept sobbing.

“I-I couldn’t d-do anything to s-stop him!!”

He shook his head slowly and turned his body to face Leo behind him.

“I… I don’t want to talk to you…” he said softly.

Leo stepped around him to hold him from behind and Mikey tugged him once more.

This time he followed.

And just left her crying alone.

They both walked him into the bedroom and sat him down on their pile of beds, Donnie was already here curled up in the corner crying by himself.

Raph just sat very still, his feet still on the ground. He stared into space as someone put a blanket over him, someone else shut the door.

He couldn’t even cry, he felt emotionally comatose and just stared blankly into the wall.

He felt his brothers grab his hands and squeeze them.

“Raph…?” He thinks it was Leo, he couldn’t see.

A soft chirp came from his other side.

He blinked but didn’t look over.

“I… Don’t wake me up…” he mumbled. “I don’t want to feel this…”

They both went quiet, he sensed movement behind him, and then felt all three brothers hugging him on all sides.

He just kept staring at the wall.

“She watched him rape me…” he said quietly again.

The grips got tighter. Someone was sobbing. It could have been all of them. They just held on to him, and it was the only thing he was going to let himself feel.

“If mom watched him rape me, then that means she let him rape me…”

He kept staring. The grooves between the bricks started to glow from how little he’d moved his eyes.

“And if she let him do that, and then… then all these years she should have known what was wrong with me, right..?”

“Raphie…”

He closed his eyes.

He took a deep breath.

And then he just screamed as loud and long as he could. Until his lungs were fully empty and then some.

Then he finally let himself break down.

[puppyeared]

ive made myself more wet and pathetic

[soaps-mohawk]

Is it bad that I don’t want to give birth? Like, I told some of my friends and family that I don’t want to give birth and they told me that I’d change my mind and I told them I wouldn’t and they get mad at me. I told them that I’d adopt kids instead to give them a home and living family but they say that doesn’t matter and count because they won’t be biological.

That's not bad at all!! I know a lot of people that feel the same way. Hell, I feel the same way. I don't want to give birth and I'm very against having children. I've known that pretty much my whole life since I was old enough to conceptualize children and parenthood (very young as a woman growing up in America), and I was always told I'd change my mind someday.

Well, it's been about 20 years and I haven't changed my mind at all. There's absolutely nothing wrong with it. The constant societal pressure that every generation has gone through of "you have to have children otherwise your life is meaningless" has very much been challenged as of late with plenty of people realizing your life doesn't end as soon as you're old enough to have children. A lot of those people pushing that narrative shouldn't have had kids in the first place. The world would probably be a lot better off if people that didn't want kids but were pressured into it by society just hadn't given into that pressure.

There's plenty of neglected, abandoned children, and children in foster care that deserve love and support. So yeah, if you don't want to give birth, then there's nothing to feel bad about. You've made that decision and anyone that tries to tell you otherwise is only recycling the same societal pressures that probably made them have children they didn't want.

And if anyone says adopted or fostered children don't count, then kindly say fuck them and don't speak to them again. Same with people that say IVF or children born of surrogates. Just because you didn't give birth to your child no matter the reason, that doesn't make them "not your child." Hell I know there's people out there that say C-sections aren't "giving birth" because it wasn't natural.

Yeah, fuck those people and do what you want. It's your body, it's your life and they can either get over it or get out of your life 🤷

[shorthaltsjester]

i am a big fan of using real world philosophies to analyse fictional worlds on the watsonian level, they’re a particularly good way to make abstract theories more concrete, but if you look at things like actual literal deities that do have inherent power compared to other beings and uncritically say how they’re just like the one percent or some shit, i beg you to crack open a book and review what the hell reification is or move on to other hobbies.

[solalunar-eclipse]

Sonic Boom - S3E10

Episode title: The Obligatory Band Episode

Summary: When a boy band competition comes into town, Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles immediately decide that they have to enter as Dudeitude. The only problem: their other two teammates who aren't allowed to join...

AO3 Link

First | Previous | Next

[Episode opens on a shot of a poster.]

BATTLE OF THE (BOY) BANDS!!!! the poster proclaimed, using far more exclamation points than were necessary. All boy bands (and ONLY boy bands) welcomed to join and compete for the prize of 10,000 rings and a record deal!! 

A crowd of villagers had quickly gathered around the sign—which of course soon drew the attention of Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles, who had been wandering around the village chatting happily about nothing in particular. (No, literally, they were discussing what the word ‘nothing’ meant to each of them.)

“Hey! What’s going on here?” Tails asked, taking to the air in an effort to better see what was making everyone else so interested. 

He studied the poster, growing more and more excited by the second. “Sonic! Knuckles! Check it out!”

“Whoa!” Knuckles cried. “Are you guys thinking what I’m thinking?”

Sonic’s smile widened. “I think I am thinking what you’re thinking….”

“It’s Dudeitude time!” all three shouted at once.

[They snatch up the poster so that it fills the camera frame, leading to a transition where the camera zooms back out on all three of them smiling hopefully.]

[Camera cuts to Amy, sitting on her couch with a distinctly unimpressed look on her face.]

[Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles’s smiles take on a rather panicked quality, before the opening sequence begins.]

…

[The same intro sequence plays as last time, complete with a reluctant Shadow.]

[Eggman’s villain reveal starts off similarly to that of the second episode, but the malfunction is caused by most of the minor villains turning the lights on and photobombing him. The green screen glitches out, leading to green and choppy outlines around each villain, before Eggman chases them out while shaking a wrench at them angrily.]

[The sequence then continues on, before ending with the title of this week’s episode.]

…

“What is it, Ames?” Sonic asked, the smile slipping off his face. 

“Seriously?” She sighed. “Why aren’t they letting any girls participate at all?”

“Oooh, yeah.” Tails winced. “That’s kinda rude, I guess.”

“I don’t know about rude—it’s mostly just downright juvenile.” Amy sniffed disapprovingly.

The fox and Sonic both turned to stare at Knuckles. “Man, I thought you knew about this kind of thing!”

The echidna cringed. “I mean…I dunno, guys, I can’t know everything all the time! Gimme a break, okay?”

Amy nodded approvingly. “That’s very true. There’s always more to learn!”

In the background, Sonic winced, more at the concept of learning from Amy Rose than learning, full stop.

“We don’t have to compete, then.” Tails said decisively.

Sonic and Knuckles were fully prepared to agree, but then they saw Amy’s determined expression.

“I have an even better idea.” she explained. “You guys are going to compete—and win—with a girl as your manager.”

“Uh…hang on, who would be our manager?” Sonic asked, frowning in confusion.

Amy facepalmed. “Me. I’d be the manager.”

Sonic grinned sheepishly. “Ohhhhh.”

“What’s a manager?” Knuckles added.

“They’re a person who helps organize all of your paperwork and performance dates.” she explained.

At that exact moment, Sticks kicked the door open and rushed inside, a pair of binoculars dangling from her hand. “You guys are hanging out? Without me?!?” (This of course ignored the fact that she was implied to have been watching them ‘hang out’ in Amy’s house for an indeterminate amount of time.)

“Oh, Sticks!” Amy’s expression brightened up considerably. “Do you want to work on the lighting for the show? There aren’t any government agents, aliens, or ghosts involved, I’m afraid, but it’ll still be worth your time!”

The badger frowned. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, but that sounds boring.”

It took two minutes of explaining (and convincing) to get the idea across to her, but the moment the words ‘fight the patriarchy’ came into the conversation, she was onboard instantly. As a matter of fact, the word ‘fight’ probably would’ve been enough all on its own.

After that, the entire team ended up so excited that they spent the rest of the day planning out a dance and lights routine to some of their music. By the time they were worn out and crashed in various places around Amy’s house, there was paper strewn everywhere, but the general concept for the show was complete.

Just before Sonic fell asleep, using the couch armrest as a makeshift pillow, an idea came to him.

I wonder if Shadow would want to join Dudeitude….

…

Of course, the next day, they ran into a (not at all plot-convenient) problem almost immediately. When Amy sent Tails over to get the forms necessary to enter the competition, he found that there was one minor issue with their entire plan.

All competing bands were required to have at least four members.

Amy rubbed her eyes in frustration. “I can’t believe we’re going to have to rework our entire performance routine!”

Tails sighed. “That’s the least of our worries. We can’t even compete right now!”

Suddenly, Sonic dashed into the room, his arms laden with to-go chili dogs from Meh Burger. “Hey guys, how’d it g—oh. What happened?”

Amy looked up at him sadly. “We need four members in the band to compete. And right now we only have three!” she cried.

“Oh! Well, if that’s all, then,” Sonic said, putting down his food and dusting his hands off at sonic speed, “I know what to do!”

And with that, he vanished in a blur of blue.

…

A black ear twitched as the telltale zooming sound of Sonic’s running reached its owner. Shadow straightened up from what he’d been doing—adjusting a new bed frame in his room—and walked out to the front of his cave, wondering what could bring Sonic here in such a hurry. Knowing him, it could be anything from just wanting to race to the world actively ending.

“Shadow! Great, you’re here. Listen, we have an emergency.” Sonic said quickly.

“An emergency?” he asked, concerned. “What kind? Is it the doctor?”

Sonic shook his head. “No, worse! Listen, we need you to join our band, like, now, or else we won’t be able to compete in the battle of the bands competition.”

Shadow stared at him blankly. “I…I think your definition of ‘emergency’ is somewhat different than mine.”

“But will you do it?”

“Let me see what you have planned first.” Shadow sighed.

Sonic did a rapid fist-pump. “Yes!”

Shadow rolled his eyes. “I didn’t actually agree to join yet.”

“But you did agree to look at the plans, which means you’re considering joining.” Sonic said smugly.

Shadow muttered “You’d better not make me regret this.”, but with that, they took off, leaving twin trails of blue and red behind them.

…

“So let me get this ludicrous plan straight. You want me to join your rock band, which involves playing on absurdly designed instruments and wearing insanely sparkly suit jackets, in order to win a competition exclusively for boy bands. That way, we can rub it in the organizers’ faces when they discover that we have multiple girls—or rather, one girl and one demigirl—working with us.” Shadow said slowly.

“Yes!” Amy exclaimed. “We’ll come out onstage after the others have claimed their prizes, and then we’ll take the most smug bow in the history of bows.”

“I still think that a speech calling out the secret underground alien-cryptid alliance would’ve been better.” Sticks muttered, rolling their eyes.

Shadow frowned. “And why can’t either of you—” he gestured to Amy and Sticks— “just be part of the band anyway? It isn’t as if they’d know whether or not the band was made up of all boys until the concert.”

“Actually, they would.” Tails explained. “There’s a rehearsal the day before that all band members have to be there for.”

“Ugh…” the hedgehog groaned. “Whose idea was it to join this stupid competition?”

“Well, first it was me and Sonic and Tails.” Knuckles said. “And then we were ready to quit when we realized they didn’t let girls in, but Amy said we should do it with her plan, so we did.”

Shadow leaned back against the couch for a moment and closed his eyes. “….fine. I’ll do it. But this is a one time thing, understand?”

“Alright!” Sonic cheered. “Now we just need to find you one of those suit jackets!”

Soon enough, the team had scrounged up Sonic’s spare outfit and handed it over to Shadow, at which point he began to regret every single one of his life choices.

“No. No way. This is utterly disgusting.” he snapped, holding the offending garment as far away from himself as possible. “I will never, ever—”

[Cut to a shot of Shadow standing stiffly while wearing the jacket.]

“This is humiliating.” he grumbled.

Amy winced. “Is this seriously what you guys wore while saving the town from Justin Beaver?”

“It was the best we could come up with on short notice, okay?!” Sonic cried defensively.

“You know what?” Shadow said. “Fine. Fine. I’ll wear it. But don’t you think that we should each customize our own outfit instead of all looking the same? After all—wait. You’re not doing this as…that tacky pop group, are you?”

“Nonono, don’t worry, we’re doing this as Dudeitude, not Dreamboat Express.” Sonic explained hurriedly, trying to stave off Shadow’s growing expression of horror.

“Actually, that sounds like a really good idea!” Tails said excitedly, pulling out his own jacket. “I wanna put, like, cool gear cufflinks on mine—let me go get the Build-It Box!”

[A montage ensues, complete with lots of tacky fashion choices and comical mistakes, including (but not limited to) a patch that was supposed to say ‘Knuckles’ but instead came out as a strangely detailed fabric replica of the echidna himself.]

[The team’s brief experiment with differently-colored jackets was also strongly vetoed by Shadow after they all came out of the box in different varieties of neon.]

Eventually, the three original members of Dudeitude had their new outfits all set and ready to go.

Sonic’s white jacket now had red and gold stars around the cuffs and hem, while Tails’s had—as he had mentioned—gear-shaped cufflinks and buttons with a crossed wrench and screwdriver stamped into them. He had also added golden sequins along the back spelling out ‘Prower’, akin to a sports jersey.

Knuckles’s jacket, on the other hand, had all sorts of patches sewn onto it, including a barbell, a circular one labeled ‘Weightlifting Champion’, and multiple stylized green emeralds. He seemed awfully proud of it, enough so that Sonic and Tails had to keep preventing him from flexing in front of the mirror so that he wouldn’t rip a seam.

When Shadow walked out, though, his jacket didn’t appear to have changed at all. Sonic frowned. “I thought you were the one who wanted us to change our outfits up!”

Shadow smirked. “I did.” he said proudly. “Tails, do you happen to have an ultraviolet light handy?”

The fox’s mouth dropped open. “You didn’t.”

Shadow’s smirk widened.

Tails scrambled to get his biggest UV light, shining it on Shadow’s jacket…and then everyone gasped at what they saw. Blue and purple threads wove throughout the entire garment, creating a variety of geometric patterns that almost seemed to shift as Shadow moved. 

Amy looked over at Sticks, smiling excitedly. “Hey Sticks?”

“Yeah?”

“How do you feel about adding some black light to the show?”

…

It had been decided that Shadow would play the bass guitar, since Knuckles was already handling the drums and Tails had taken on the keyboard/synthesizer role. Sonic, of course, was more than excited to use his two-necked guitar, tearing through riffs and fills with ease.

They’d had a week to practice before the rehearsal, and it became clear that Shadow had taken the time to learn every single song, as he played chord after chord perfectly. Despite his skill, his backup vocals were barely audible, and he outright refused to sing alone at any point in the show.

This only encouraged the entire team to try even harder to get him to change his mind, of course.

In the end, it was Amy who got lucky enough to hear him first—they’d all stayed behind to watch the other bands play so they could get an idea of the competition, but she and Shadow had been the only ones with enough patience to suffer through three poor performances in a row. 

Their only real competition was a new band made of some boys whose personalities had seemed almost custom-built to sell well with fans, run by Justin Beaver himself as part of his new reality show. They had decent vocals and a generic backing track, but the test audience ate it up. The team had nearly suspected them of using mind-control technology again, but a quick reconnaissance mission on Tails’s part showed that the audience’s reactions were legitimate.

Somehow.

After the rehearsal had finished, the organizers left most of the microphones set up so that they’d still be in place for the concert tomorrow night. Amy had been getting ready to leave (and maybe snag a couple of the complimentary refreshments to take home when nobody was watching), when she noticed some movement out of the corner of her eye.

Quickly, she crouched behind a conveniently placed bush just as Shadow stepped forward on the stage.

He cleared his throat, looked around nervously, and then began to practice his backing vocals in a small, awkward voice. At first, his voice was too weak to carry very far, but when he saw nobody around, he began to relax.

His speaking voice was raspy and clipped. But when he sang, all of that fell away, and his vocals became smooth and deep, nearly making Amy gasp.

Quickly, she texted her friends and told them to come over discreetly, but also right now.

The moment they showed up, crawling into the bushes next to her, their faces immediately transformed into nearly identical shocked expressions.

“Is that Shadow?!” Sonic hissed under his breath.

Amy rolled her eyes. “Who else would it be?”

They watched in silence after that, still stunned. Shadow’s singing voice…well, it really couldn’t be described as anything other than beautiful.

The moment he finished, Knuckles shot upwards and began to clap excitedly. All of the others whispered at him furiously and yanked him down behind the bush, while a decidedly uncomposed shriek came from the general direction of the stage.

After a moment, Shadow barked, “Who’s there?”

The entire team stood up awkwardly, wincing. Sonic smiled nervously. “That was really good!”

The other hedgehog’s hands tightened on the microphone stand until his fingers nearly left imprints in the metal. “Sure.” he sneered sarcastically.

“No, seriously, it was amazing!” Tails cried.

“Yeah, it really was.” Sticks added.

“I loved it!” Amy exclaimed.

Shadow’s grip loosened slightly. “You mean it?”

The team rushed onto the stage, gathering around him. “Yes!” Knuckles exclaimed. “It was so cool!”

“Ah. Well then.” Shadow said tightly.

But as the team watched, his mouth curled into the tiniest of smiles.

…

On the night of the performance, all four members of Dudeitude had the jitters. Tails was making sure all of their equipment was accounted for the tenth time in a row, Knuckles was doing his best to curl up into a ball, Sonic was literally shaking in place, and Shadow was grinding his teeth and hissing at anyone who came near him.

“Alright!” Amy declared, clapping her hands together. The boys all promptly hit the roof, before turning to stare at her with various degrees of fear and frustration.

“Listen,” she continued, lowering her voice, “I’m so proud of all of you. You guys did a great job in the practice sessions, and you’re sticking it to all of these stupid organizers, too.”

Knuckles sighed. “Yeah, but not as much as the people out by the front fence.”

What he meant, specifically, was the all-girl band protesting the entire competition out front by playing their own songs loud enough to be heard from the rehearsal tent. They had camped out long before the concert had begun and were showing no signs of flagging, no matter how many people tried to drive them off. 

(They also had a sign in front of them that read If you can be petty, so can we.)

Amy shook her head. “Everybody has different ways of dealing with these kinds of people. Just because ours isn’t as loud as theirs doesn’t make it any worse.”

“Right, but what happens if we’ve put in all this effort and don’t win?” Tails asked nervously, holding open one flap of the tent and gesturing to the band run by Justin Beaver. They were doing, quite frankly, a really good job, and the judges seemed almost won over already.

Amy frowned. “Well, I’m still glad I got to do this with all of you anyway. The only way we could’ve done this wrong is by giving up or by not having me and Sticks participate at all.

“And,” she added, “I’m also glad we now know that Shadow is an amazing singer!”

The hedgehog in question looked away briefly, embarrassed.

Sticks darted into the tent suddenly. “It’s time.” she whispered dramatically. 

(Shadow and Sonic had to do their absolute best not to impale the walls of the tent with their quills at that.)

…

“And now, the final band of the night…it’s…Dudeitude!!”

The announcer’s voice rang in the ears of all four band members as they took to the stage. Sonic grinned at Knuckles. “You ready, dude?”

“Yeah, dude!” he whispered back, practically bouncing in his seat.

Tails leaned over to tell Shadow, “They’re always nervous until they hit the stage. It’s the waiting that’s the worst for them.”

“Oh. Good for them.” he muttered tersely, obviously not experiencing the same relief.

“You’re gonna do great!” Sonic cheered under his breath, smiling at Shadow in the darkness.

He didn’t even have time to react before the lights flashed on and the drumbeat began.

Shadow played his music almost entirely on autopilot, his hands moving more on memory than knowledge. He performed without thinking, doing the choreography (or the stripped-down version of it that he’d demanded they give him, because he didn’t dance) while staring blankly out at the audience. He’d never been more grateful that he was joining the band in its rock incarnation instead of when it was a full-on pop band.

As they entered the breakdown of the final song, where Sonic vocalized solo over chords from Shadow’s guitar, that autopilot ended up betraying him. Shadow had, on his own time, tried out singing along to this part in the test track an octave lower, because he’d found it enjoyable. It hadn’t been made part of the performance plan, and if he’d been in his right mind he never would’ve done it, but as it was…

…well, the audience ate it up.

They finished their song, accepted the audience’s applause (with much whooping and bouncing up and down from the original trio), and filed offstage, all while Shadow was still processing the performance.

The moment they entered their tent, Shadow’s knees gave out and he collapsed abruptly onto a chair.

“Whoa, Shadow, are you okay?” Sonic asked, hurrying over to stand next to him, his hands hovering nervously over his former rival’s shoulders.

“I sang.” Shadow wheezed. “I wasn’t even supposed to sing then, and…”

“It was incredible!” Amy gasped, stars in her eyes. “That was such a good idea!”

“So…I didn’t ruin the show?” he asked, looking up with a carefully blank expression.

“Honestly, I think you just won it.” Sticks said, poking their head into the tent. “I mean, the crowd is still shrieking.”

Shadow’s limbs went obviously loose with relief. “So you’re not upset.”

[The entire team suddenly locks eyes, remembering Shadow mentioning that his last brush with friendship ended badly.]

“No, no, no!” Amy cried. “No, not at all! Honestly, I’m glad you decided to sing.”

Sonic smiled at him. “It sounded amazing.”

Shadow shook his head, stunned. “I was so out of it up there. I barely even realized what had happened until I was done.”

Tails’s eyes widened. “Wait, does that mean you were practicing the song like that this whole time?”

“…maybe?”

“You should’ve told us!” he exclaimed. “I would’ve done all the sound prep so the audience could hear you better!”

Shadow looked cautiously down at his skates. “Thank you, but I’m alright.”

“You at least have to do karaoke sometime with us then!” Knuckles insisted cheerfully.

The entire team looked so excited that Shadow found himself smiling wryly against his will. “Well, I guess, if you insist…”

“The awards are starting!” Sticks called from the entrance to the tent. Then they frowned. “Wait, when did I become the responsible one here?”

All four members of Dudeitude took to the stage, along with the other bands. They were forced to jostle with their rivals for room, leading to many dirty looks and a minor shoving war. However, they all stood up straight when the announcer called, “Now, the winner of the competition is…”

“…Dudeitude!!”

Sonic, Tails, and Knuckles all screamed at top volume, making Shadow flinch before watching his bandmates with a smirk. As soon as they had received a check for the money and a guaranteed record deal, however, two things happened.

First, Amy and Sticks raced out onto the stage to celebrate too, completely forgetting their plan in the process. The audience went absolutely silent upon seeing them—and then burst out into cheers that were even louder than before. Sticks and Amy stared at the crowd for a moment, before smiling, putting their arms around each other, and taking their well-earned bow.

Then, the entire team all gathered together in a group huddle for a minute. Sonic whispered something to them that made their eyes widen and the hero bounce in place excitedly.

He snatched up a microphone and ran to the edge of the stage. “Hey guys, listen. All of us loved playing for you, and we had so much fun tonight. But, uh, being a hero is kind of a full-time job, and most of us already have enough on our plates. So…I wanna give this to a band who’s really gonna use it. A band who actually performed tonight, but never got judged, and a band who we all think was probably both one of the best ones here and who deserves this more than anything.”

“Yo! Ladies out front!” he yelled, getting the attention of the band who had been protesting the event all night.

“Yeah?!” their leader, a chipmunk dressed in a blue vest and white leggings, yelled. 

“Can you guys come up here for a sec?”

The crowd parted to let the band through as they came to the stage. It was composed of the aforementioned chipmunk, a lynx in a pink dress, a lemur wearing all yellow, and a wolf who looked like she’d stepped off the pages of a goth/punk magazine.

“What is it?” the chipmunk asked.

“Hey, uh, do you want this?” Sonic said, offering her the prizes.

The crowd was completely silent.

“Why are you giving this to us?” the lynx asked softly.

“‘Cause we think you guys sounded great, and you really deserved to be included in this competition. And now that it’s ours, we get to do what we want with it. So we thought you should have this.” he explained.

Tails gave a thumbs-up from behind him, and Knuckles smiled encouragingly. Cautiously, the chipmunk stepped closer and took the prizes. “What’s the catch?” she asked.

“No catch. Seriously.” Sonic told her.

She watched him skeptically for a moment, before holding out a hand to shake. “Thank you.” she said quietly. “It’s a pleasure to meet you—my name’s Sally, by the way.”

“Nice to meet ya!” he said cheerfully. “Name’s Sonic.”

“These three behind me are Nicole, Tangle, and Whisper.” she added, pointing at the lynx, lemur, and wolf in succession.

“Hey! Thank you, like, so much!” Tangle cheered, appearing directly next to Sally. “Man, we’ve been dying for a chance to do something like this for ages!”

Whisper smiled in agreement.

“Uh….” Soar the Eagle (the reporter covering this event) stammered, trying to regain his bearings, “Well then, how about a picture with the…two winners of this competition?”

[The camera flash obscures the screen for a moment, before revealing a picture of Dudeitude (plus Amy and Sticks) and the other band. Most of them are smiling, and Shadow has mustered up a moderately friendly neutral expression for the camera.]

[roll credits]

[deadrlngers]

violante will be as edgy as to say that "by age seventeen, i cried all the tears i had" just bc she doesn't want to let it be known that she cried for 7 days straight after killing ruven