#Sporking

[jurakan]

Worked some more on the sporking, and I am unhappy to inform you that for two books in a row, the protagonist/author has forgotten that he has a magic, cut-through-anything sword.

[yoramkelmer]

Hogwarts Overexposed Chapter 10: Twists and Turns

Welcome back, yet again. It´s already been several months since the last time I sporked this fic, and today was th only day I really had time to do the spork.

Despite the title of the chapter being "Twists and Turns", this truly is a very boring chapter.

Let´s get in.

Monday, September 5, 2005

What a difference a year makes, Emily thought to herself as she watched Kim sleeping contentedly. When they first met, Kim was the shyest, most worried first year you could ever imagine. I honestly love how this has to repeated again and again, instead of actually being shown her character developement. Her anxiety was only amplified when her dorm-mates mistakenly jumped to the conclusion that she was a nudist and she ended up having to live the lie.

Why are we told things we already know?

Back then, Kim couldn't wait to close her bed hangings in order to hide her embarrassment at being naked. Now her hangings were wide open and Kim was sleeping coverless, her loveliness completely exposed. One might even say Overexposed!

Cut for boring talks and yet another argument with Janice and Denise - who are the same person essentially - who call Kim and Emily Queer.

"We're not done yet," Emily said, smirking. "Remember, I promised to soap you up."

Oh no -_- "I don't think we should do that," Kim said, suddenly sounding quite serious. "I'm afraid I might like it." Before Emily could respond, Marta considering that her name is spelled "Marta" instead of the typical english spelling "Martha", does that mean that she´s hungarian? entered the room. At first she just stared at them, without speaking. "You guys really do love each other, don't you?" she asked, seeming very impressed. "But not in the way you tried to make Denise and Janice believe." "We're not gay if that's what you mean," Kim admitted, "but I'd do anything for Emily. Other than my Mum, I've never loved a person so much."

At this point it´s not entirely clear if she´s referring to her late biological mother or Hermione, as Jamie and Emilys parents have more or less become forgotten after the end of Too Exposed. "I love her as much as I do Jamie and Caitlin. She's my sister," Emily avowed. Marta studied them both cautiously as if she had something significant to share, but was extremely tentative. "Kim, did you mean what you said? Do you really not let sexual orientation affect how you feel about people? How about you, Emily? Do you think people who are gay are weird?"

I think this is just again a good place to remind people that Neil feels creeped out by gay men, but seems to go with the "girl on girl is hot" trope that´s become increasingly frawned upon since then.

And keep in mind these girls are around 12-14, which makes it even creepier. Emily wavered, not certain just how much private information about herself she wanted to reveal to Marta with her answer. "I treat people the way they treat me," she said. "Their sexual preferences are their own business." She faltered before adding, "It's not right for me to judge other people, when I can't even completely figure myself out. I'm only twelve, but I'm pretty sure I'm heterosexual." She took a deep breath. "But there is a good chance I might be bisexual." "Why are you asking all these questions?" Kim asked. "Because it's hard to always be hiding your true feelings. It would be nice to have someone you could trust; someone you could let your guard down in front of." It was Marta's turn to take a deep breath. "Becky and I are a couple," she said quickly and then waited for a response.

Dun dunn duuuunnnnnnnn "How long have you been together?" was the first question out of Kim's mouth. "We've known each other since we were five," Marta answered, "but we've only been doing things to each other since we were ten."

"....doing thigs to each other since we were ten"

NEIL YOU SICKO "Ten?" Emily repeated in amazement. "You both knew you were gay at ten?" "Not for sure. We just knew we liked to touch each other and be touched. It wasn't until we met you two that we were sure we were homosexuals," Marta explained.

Does this sound like something a 12 year old would say? "What did we have to do with it?" Kim asked. Marta face turned a bright red. "Well, to be perfectly honest, the two of you running around in the buff all the time got both Becky and I rather keyed up." Emily and Kim exchanged nervous looks. "Don't worry, neither of us ever considered approaching either of you. We had each other to satisfy our wants. FUCK YOU NEIL FUCK YOU Besides, you both had us somewhat confused as to whether you liked boys or girls or both." "Do we still get you excited?" Kim asked uncertainly. "You both have attractive bodies, and Becky and I admittedly enjoy looking at you; similar to how someone looks at sexy pictures in a magazine." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO THIS IS SO WRONG FUCK YOU NEIL Marta paused. "I'm only confiding all this to you because we're tired of hiding our feelings. We want to be open about how we feel about each other, but we'd like to know that at least you two supported us." "You both supported us last year," Emily said, without faltering. "I'll be there for you." "That goes for me too," Kim said. "But...." "You want to know how we can be sure about our feelings and choices," Marta said, as if reading Kim's mind. "We can't be absolutely positive. The two of us only know how we feel when we're together and neither of us wants that feeling to ever end." "I envy you both," Emily sighed. "I hope you both still feel the same about each other a hundred years from now." "I hope you and Kim both still share the marvelous friendship you have," Marta said sincerely. "I also hope that knowing about Becky and I won't make you self-conscious in front of us." "Not in the least," Emily replied. "I can't think of any circumstances in which I'd prefer to be clothed rather than nude."

Because the token lesbian couple can´t possibly com out as a couple on their own without the help of the Sues.

* * * * *

When Emily and Kim returned to the dorm after completing their showers, they found Becky and Marta both sitting on Becky's bed talking conspiratorially. The four girls exchanged knowing smiles as Kim and Emily dressed for breakfast.

Getting dressed must be torture for them. "Did I miss a lot on Thursday and Friday?" Emily asked concernedly. "Not really," Kim said. "It was mostly review of stuff we learned last year. Today should be interesting though. This morning we have our first 'Anatomy of the Sexes' class with Professor Weasley, and then this afternoon Professor Longbottom is going to have us transplant Mandrakes in Herbology."

The "Anatomy of the Sexes" part is going to lead to one of the most infamous scenes from this fic.

Wait, you thought it was over once the long awaited freudian "Hooch gets impaled by a Unicorn" scene?

Think again. "Which one of the Weasleys do we have, the male or the female?" Emily asked. "The one with boobs," -____- Kim answered. "She is teaching first and second years." "Somehow I doubt we'll learn anything in that class," Emily said assuredly. "I just can't picture Professor Weasley discussing sex frankly with a room full of twelve year olds, and the textbook looks like it is out of the Dark Ages." "I think she'll be much better than her brother," Kim answered. "He's teaching the third and fourth years."

Because even Kim needs to join in on the Ron bashing that´s so prevalent in this Saga. "You guys about ready?" Becky asked, giving Kim and Emily a smile. "As soon as I slip on my skirt," Emily said, adjusting her mini. "I can't believe you two tarts," Denise said with revulsion. "OMG you guys are so scary!" said Britney "It's bad enough neither of you ever wear bras, but how can you parade around in such short skirts without knickers?" Neither girl verbally answered Denise. Emily did, however, bend over while lifting her skirt to moon Denise and Janice and showed them her middle finger. As they neared the door to their dorm room, Becky and Marta exchanged nervous glances before reaching out and clutching each other's hand tightly. "What do you say?" Emily asked, giving Kim a devilish smile. "Should we give the school something to really talk about?" "That depends on what you have in mind," Kim answered coyly. "I have no problem with you holding my hand, but I'll scream if you grab my butt in public."

The latter is something that is rather in character for Emily. "Would I do that?" Emily asked, starting to slip her hand under Kim's skirt. Kim slapped her hand away. "You're worse than Randy."

Randy, who gets more and more forgotten as this fic goes along.

Speaking of Randy, his character is so pointless and with no characterisation whatsoever that I can´t help but imagine him to look like the NPC meme.

(couldnt find a gif of the meme, but this one extols the same energy) "Speaking of Randy, how are the two of you getting along?" Emily asked. "Have you heard anything from Brian?"

Isnt it interesting that Kim falls in love with an American the summer before Hogwarts is having a big event competing with a magical school from the US?

"Now what's going on?" Harry said, looking dumbfounded, as he realised he had been transported into a bizarro fanfic where he for years acted out of character surrounded by Mary Sues! Becky and Marta entered the Great Hall followed closely by Kim and Emily, both couples holding hands.

Oh, the horror!

"I'm not sure I want to know," Hermione said shaking her head in consternation.

"You don't think they're, what do they call it, coming out of the closet... do you?" Harry asked.

"I don't know," Hermione answered, looking rather bewildered. "It would seem to me that twelve would be rather young to be sure of one's sexual penchant. Although I did notice what seemed to be a definite magnetism between Marta and Becky last year."

Which is something she only talks about now.

"Neither of them is my daughter," Harry said, alarm evident in his voice. "What about Emily and Kim? I thought they both were fond of boys."

Cut for a lengthy section of Becky and Martas big coming out along with big praise for the Sues that goes on forever.

Emily gave Kim an angry look, but before she could reply, there was a rushing sound overhead and her attention was drawn to the arrival of a hundred or so owls. The owls circled the hall, dumping letters and packages into the chattering crowd.

This is apparently a big thing. Uncharacteristically, the hall suddenly became extremely quiet. Emily looked toward the head table expecting to see the Headmaster standing ready to speak, but instead she saw what had caused everyone in the room to become hushed. There was a large screech owl circling the head table. That was not unusual because the staff received mail regularly. What had gotten everyone's attention was the red envelope clutched in the owl's beak. "One of the Professors is getting a Howler," Caitlin whispered to her sister.

MUH G00000D

I've never seen that before in my seven years," Jamie said aghast. "Who would be so disrespectful as to send a professor a howler when they are surrounded by students?"

Ah, the Purity Sue in Jamie speaks again. It´s been a while. "I wonder who it's for?" Caitlin asked, but the words had barely escaped her lips, when the owl came to rest next to the Headmaster and politely offered the letter to him.

Well, at least the owl is polite. Katie and Severus exchanged edgy looks and then Katie did something she had never done before in public. She placed her hand reassuringly on top of Severus', reciting the Blessing of Aharon. "You better open it," she said in an apprehensive whisper. "They only get worse the longer you delay. Best you get it over with." "Who would be so juvenile and discourteous as to send the Headmaster a Howler?" Hermione asked disgustedly. "And at breakfast, of all times." "I would be willing to venture a guess," Harry said, a bad taste residing in his mouth, but it looks like we're all about to find out."

The way it is written makes it look like it´s something Harry said in all one sentence. Severus stretched out his hand, relieved the envelop from the owl's beak, and slit it open. For a moment it seemed like the envelope had exploded; a roar of sound filled the Great Hall.

"--JUST WHO THE BLOODY HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? --"

Percy Weasley's voice roared, a hundred times louder than normal. The students stared at the head table, as the bellowing voice echoed off the stonewalls of the hall,

"THE STORY THAT APPEARED IN THE DAILY PROPHET DID SO WITH MY APPROVAL. I PERSONALLY VERIFIED ALL THE DETAILS. HOW DARE YOU HAVE THE GALL TO SUGGEST THAT I, THE MINISTER OF MAGIC, WOULD APPROVE A STORY THAT WAS NOT FULLY FACTUAL? "WHEN I ATTENDED HOGWARTS SCHOOL OF WITCHCRAFT AND WIZARDRY, I CONSIDERED YOU TO BE A PROFESSIONAL, COMPETENT TEACHER. IT IS REGRETFUL THAT YOU HAVE FALLEN VICTIM TO THE LIES OF HARRY POTTER AND HIS MISGUIDED LEGION. "I AM NOT A SPITEFUL OR VENGEFUL MAN AND UNDERSTAND THAT EVEN THE BEST OF US OCCASIONALLY FALTER. SHOULD YOU, HOWEVER, CONTINUE TO MISLEAD THE STUDENTS OF HOGWARTS, IT WILL BE MY SAD DUTY TO SEEK YOUR DISMISSAL AS HEADMASTER. Sincerely, Percy Weasley Minister of Magic

Oh well. Again, how am I supposed to take him serious as an antagonist?

Snape calmly rose to his feet as the letter burst into flames. "It is at times like these that people, even students as young as yourselves, are required to make choices, tough choices. I propose that you make your future decisions based on past history. When Lord Voldemort returned in the nineteen-nineties and sought to once again rule our world, Harry Potter and former Headmaster Albus Dumbledore attempted to warn the wizarding world. The Ministry and The Daily Prophet disparaged them both. Fortunately, we learned before it was too late who was giving us truthful information. We should learn from history where to place our trust."

This whole plot recycling after the release of the fifth book makes it all seem so forced and ridicculous.

And keep in mind, all the things from the fifth year onward from both the fics he stole it from are still canon inside this fic together with actual canon! Without further comment Snape took his seat. At first, the Great Hall remained quiet. Then as the students rose to their feet in order to head for their first class of the day, the talk became incessant.

* * * * *

"What if he has you removed as Headmaster?" Katie asked concernedly. "Where will you go? What will you do?" She grasped Severus' hand. "What will become of us?"

Remember:

Snape and Katie Bell are an actual couple in this fic now.

And no, his infatuation with his former students are never called out on.

"The Ministry has absolutely no authority when it comes to running Hogwarts," Severus said confidently. "Albus Dumbledore took care of that after all the difficulty with Fudge and that vicious Umbridge woman. Only the school Board of Governors can remove the Headmaster and that takes a two-thirds majority."

Umbridge, who now officially is part of the canon and hasnt been mentioned until this very point.

The most fun part about is that this fic is getting it´s own form of Umbridge in the next chapter. Just not as well written.

"But what if he goes to the Board and they agree to remove you?" Katie asked, not convinced that Severus' job was secure.

"As long as I have the support of Harry, Hermione and Ron, I'm not concerned," Severus explained. "There are a lot of new, younger Board members now; they respect the Covenant and won't be easily bamboozled by someone like Percy Weasley. Besides, I doubt he'll even approach them. He won't want to take the chance of looking weak if they refused his request."

"No matter what happens, I'll be by your side," Katie declared.

"I knew I could count on that," Severus replied, with a smile.

And now, let´s get back to the most important stuff:

"You never answered my question this morning," Emily said, as she and Kim took seats next to each other for their first 'Anatomy of the Sexes' class. "Has Brian written you at all?"

Kim didn't answer, but instead glowed pink as she held up six fingers.

"He's written you six letters," Emily said excitedly. "You must have really made an impression on him."

"I like him, too," Kim said shyly. "If only he wasn't a Muggle. It makes things so complicated. Even posting him a letter is a pain."

FORESHADOWING

"When are you going to tell Randy?" Emily asked.

Randy who?

"I don't know what to do where he is concerned," Kim said concernedly. "He's really nice and I don't want to hurt him. He lost Caitlin to Matt and you to Tyler. If I break up with him, it will be a nasty blow to his ego. Besides, what are the odds of Brian and I ever even seeing each other again, let alone becoming a couple? He's in the United States and I'm here."

I don´t remember it ever actually being stated that Kim and Randy were an official couple.

"I understand where you are coming from," Emily said supportively, "but somehow it just seems wrong to leave Randy under the impression that he is the foremost guy in your life when you are writing Brian. How about Brian, does he know about Randy?"

"No," Kim said hanging her head. "I was afraid he'd stop writing if he knew I had a boyfriend."

This drama seems even more ridicculous when you realise what a non-entity so far, he was just "there", but never had any character arc or any other thing going on apart from being one of Caitlins simps.

The girls' conversation was brought to a halt by Ginny bringing the class to order.

"You won't be needing your wands in this class," she said with a smile. "We'll be talking about a different kind of magic; the magic of love, intimacy, conception and birth. Although we will be following the printed guidelines in your textbooks, I want you to feel free to ask questions at any time and I'll do my best to answer them. Since this is our first session together, I think we should get to know each other. Suppose you each stand and introduce yourself. Then ask me a question that has been on your mind. Who wants to start?"

The way she talks makes me think about that one American Dad episode where they had sex ed and Steve gets laughed at for a stupid question.

The students all exchanged glances, but no one raised their hand.

"I realize that you're all nervous," Professor Weasley said. "You probably aren't used to discussing sex in a mixed group. Thought was initially given to having separate classes for boys and girls, but the final decision was that you should be taught together. Would anyone like to venture a guess as to why it was decided it was best to instruct you as a mixed group?"

At first no one moved, but then a hand timidly rose. "Yes, Miss Thatcher. What do you think was the reason?"

"We'll all be having sex together, so we should learn about it together," Kim said softly.

This is so stupid.

"Hopefully not all at once," Ginny said, straight faced.

When the inference of what Ginny had said settled in, the class broke into laughter. Even Kim laughed at her slip.

"That would be called an orgy, and something we hopefully won't be discussing," Professor Weasley said with a laugh as she put her hand on Kim's shoulder. "We all know what you meant, but I appreciate you breaking the tension. We will also be discussing same-sex relationships, but for the moment, let's confine our discussion to heterosexual, or boy/girl relationships."

This delivery sounds so natural.

As the giggles subsided, Emily's hand went in the air.

Oh no.....

"Our first question," Ginny said, her voice sounding both pleased and edgy.

"Emily Zacherley-Potter," she said in introduction. "I've been a nudist all my life. That doesn't necessarily give me a heads up when it comes to knowledge about sex, but I probably have seen more naked people than anyone else in the room. I've noticed that some men have extremely large things. What happens if you fall in love with someone and it doesn't fit in your twat when you want to make love?"

FUCK YOU NEIL, FUCK YOU!

Cut, this goes on for so long.

The section ends with Kim announcing that she really loves observing penises.

Cut for a boring scene with Caitlin and Matt, who among other things discuss why Percy doesnt believe her testimony.

We then cut to Ginny and Draco:

"Red, have you ever thought about having kids?" Draco asked, ostensibly out of nowhere, as they headed for lunch.

Because in this Saga, that´s all women are made for.

Ginny stopped abruptly and gawked open mouthed at him. Draco normally avoided any words in conversation that started with letters in the middle of the alphabet such as L for love and M for marriage. So, of course, Ginny never expected to ever hear him utter the K word.

As in the K word in Afrikaans?

"Draco, I come from a large family. Naturally I've thought of having children; not as many as my Mum, of course, but I'd like at least two." Ginny quickly recovered as she kept in mind Draco's usual aversion of any discussion involving marriage. "But it's not something I desperately want," she lied. "I'm content teaching and having you as a lover."

Keep in mind that in this Saga, Mrs Weasley had even more children, as there were two sisters who got killed by Death Eaters shortly before Voldemorts defeat.

Come to think of it, they also haven´t been mentioned since the first fic.

"You like Timmy, don't you?" Draco asked.

"Of course I do," Ginny answered. Suddenly there was concern in her voice. "Draco, please tell me that you're not thinking of trying to take him away from Sam and Ron again."

Even Neil has gotten tired of that already ridicculous plot.

"No! I couldn't do that," Draco replied despondently. "Sam loves him too much. Besides, she's a great mother. Your git of a brother isn't half bad as a surrogate father either. Plus, they've both been first-rate by allowing me to play an ever-increasing part in Timmy's up bringing. I was more thinking of a kid I could be with from the moment he popped out of the oven."

"Have you given any thought as to how old you want to be when you conceive this progeny?" Ginny asked sheepishly.

"That's the tough part," Draco grumbled. "I don't want to wait until I'm an old fart that can't even straddle a broom anymore to teach his kid how to play Quidditch. Yet, I don't want to toss aside my wild youthful years and settle down with one woman too quickly. Maybe I'll be ready when I'm about twenty-five."

Cut for boring, it ends with Draco proposing to her - and this time Neil remembers that her full first name is Ginevra, not Virginia, as she was called in the first two fics.

We get another boring scene with Caitlin and Matt, in which the sudden character assasination Matt begins.

Matt is suddenly evil because he wants Caitlin to wear knickers so others can´t look up her skirt.

Caitlin is not very pleased with this, and thinks about an answer for later.

We then get back to the actual plot of the Saga:

"Can you remember the names of anymore of these Death Eaters?" Salazar Slytherin asked. "They sound like the type of people that would readily support me."

Goyle shook his head. "We were just ending our seventh year when He-Who-Must-Not-Be Named was defeated. Many of his followers were killed in battles preceding his demise."

Goyle saying this. Just look at that dialogue. Slytherin paced the room for a few moments in silence, before speaking again. "You will first personally contact all the living former Death Eaters. I want you to offer them the opportunity to unreservedly join me. They should provide us with a strong nucleus." "What if they refuse?" Crabbe asked anxiously. "That would be extremely unwise of them," Slytherin sighed. "I would certainly prefer if everyone that joined my cause did so of their own free will, but I'm not beyond offering incentives. People often change their minds when faced with the loss of something or someone they feel great affection for.

How considerate of him. "Then we will procure as much information as we can on deceased and imprisoned Death Eaters. Their progeny should be eager to avenge their parents. If not, I will offer them an enticement as well. Thanks to the new Minister of Magic, we should have a sizeable organization assembled before the wizard world is even aware of my reincarnation."

Remember all the talk about the resurrected Salazar Slytherin being way worse than Voldemort?

Look at the dialogue here.

* * * * * Jamie grabbed the books off her bed and hurried out of the seventh year girls' dormitory to join Alex and Amanda, who were already in the common room. As she was about to pass the third year dorm, the door opened and Caitlin slowly emerged.

The way this is written makes it sounds as if Caitlin appeared as a ghostly apparition. "What are you doing!?" Jamie asked, coming to an abrupt halt. "I'm about to give Matt an answer," Caitlin answered, trying to hold back her tears. "No you're not," Jamie barked. "At least not until I know the question." End of Chapter 10

Finally.

All the real stuff this fic is particularly famous for begins in the next chapter.

[nettlesomecorvid]

Bring back Sporking fanfic

Yes, THAT Sporking

Sporking is the practice of mocking badfic

BRING IT BACK

[kahran042]

Just finished my first Daughters of the Goddess sporking! Check it out here: https://kahran042.dreamwidth.org/85209.html

[yanderedrabbles]

What happens when the Yandere state trooper finds out y/n is pregnant?

(❤️)

Oops, looks like you're stuck with him.

Yandere Cop - Baby Trapped

Yandere! State Trooper might be an asshole, but he's not an idiot. You've been avoiding him.

Yandere! State Trooper who puts an alert out on your plates and is the first one pulling up when they get called in. Who plans to draw this out for as long as possible and think of your pretty lips on his cock the whole goddamn time.

Yandere! State Trooper who sees you flinch when he shows up at your window. Who can't hide his annoyance when you keep avoiding his eyes. Who raps his baton on your car door and snarls at you to look at him when he's talking to you.

Yandere! State Trooper who asks you to kindly step out of the vehicle and when you do, he's grabbing hold of your upper arms, digging his fingers into the flesh and pressing you between him and the car.

Yandere! State Trooper who wedges his knee between your thighs and scraps it across your clothed cunt.

"Why're you avoiding me, hmm?"

Yandere! State Trooper who watches you go pale, trying to shrink into yourself like that will somehow make him go away. You claim it's nothing, you just haven't been out much.

Yandere! State Trooper who shakes you like a ragdoll and snaps that you're the shittiest liar he's ever met. And you spill your secret in a stuttering rush of words.

You've missed your period.

Yandere! State Trooper who carefully presses his hand against your lower belly, his mind going a mile a minute. There aren't any other men in your life, he's made sure of that. So it's his, without a doubt.

Yandere! State Trooper who smiles slow and lazy. Do you have any idea how expensive kids are? Were you really going to manage with a job, a single income and kids?

Yandere! State Trooper who finally has you in a position where you can't possibly say no to him.

Yandere! State Trooper who knows more than anyone how tightly binding the law can be. And when you're his wife...well, the law has and always will be on his side.

"Tell you what dollface, why don't you come over and we can pick out your ring together?"

[ancelineonline]

I will say, I enjoying a good sporking BUT I have some Very Important Rules about it.

1. NEVER WHERE THE AUTHOR MIGHT SEE IT! You do that shit in private. And I mean private private. Like out loud in person to a friend or partner. Not a private tumblr post, not a public tumblr post, not Twitter, not any other social media, not ao3, and for the love of all that is beautiful, NEVER directly to the author.

2. ACKNOWLEDGE NOT EVERYTHING IS FOR ME! This applies to content and to writing style. I might not like certain things but that’s just me. Someone else loves those things enough to write about them. You never know when someone is new to writing, or writing in a second language, or dyslexic, or anything else that might make the writing “bad” and they’re doing it for fun and love and for free. I can giggle to a friend at how I feel like x throws off the story while understanding and respecting that the author didn’t, and that doesn’t make them wrong, we just have different perspectives.

3. THIS IS PLAYFUL! A good sporking is entertaining and funny. That’s why we like things like MST3k. It is NOT tearing into something you hate. MST3k is funny and entertaining because it genuinely loves and appreciates the things it’s lambasting. If you’re sporking something, you’re doing it with love and affection for the fandom that created it, and because you cherish the joy that fandom brings, even over things that are so “bad” they make you laugh. And that’s the key part! It’s so bad you *laugh*, not so bad you get angry. The fundamental purpose is still cherishing fandom and taking joy in it. (Another key part is, see rule 2, that “bad” is very subject especially in fan works.)

Anyway, that’s Anceline’s Guide to a Good Sporking if you care to do so. But it’s probably better if we leave Sporking behind entirely, or at least keep it behind closed doors. Owlpellet is right, we’re not as funny as MST3k and rukafais is also right that most sporking was tearing into shit for the cardinal sin of “not being a thing I liked” and usually having a “Mary Sue.” (And that’s not even getting into my extensive thoughts on Mary Sues.)

Today I saw certain (I hope younger) fandom members doing a thing on twitter where they called out fandom-famous fics, saying how bad they are.

And, no. We don't do that. We aren't rude to each other like that. If we don't like a fic we move on and find one we do like. We do not go slagging it off on twitter to make ourselves look cool.

Authors, artists, video editors, gif makers: all of these people give huge amounts of their time to provide you with content for free. They don't owe anyone anything, and being cruel about what anyone makes is below us as a fandom.

[kdpartworks]

i cant get the image of cloudy just holding a little cloud spoon like a trident.

Cloudyseidon didn't approve that.

[what-the-fang]

After a 2-year hiatus, my Fifty Shades Revisited recaps are back, baby, and things are about to get more unhinged than ever! Want to join me in my metaphorical quest to kill Christian Grey while indulging in a bit of (occasionally a bit navel-gazey) metacommentary with 10+ years of hindsight and the addition of an all new and utterly unnecessary trilogy from Christian's perspective? Then start right here with this handy table of contents. New updates whenever I feel like it.

[sporkberries]

WHAT

[jurakan]

ImpishIdea is gone? :( were you able to archive your posts/comment threads before it went down or was it a surprise? (Sorry that happened & I’ll follow your sporkings wherever you post next!)

As far as I can tell, it's just gone. Some of the posts are archived, but not all of them. The most recent one isn't, I discovered this morning. I have all of the essays in docs somewhere, but the discussions in the comments? Those are gone.

This isn't.... entirely unpredictable? The staff hasn't been around since, like, 2016, hence all the spam comments around. And I was the only one still posting. It was probably going to go down SOMETIME. I just felt a bit weird finding out that 'sometime' was 'today'.

I'm a bit torn on what's going to happen. I think it would be a shame to just quit sporking altogether, but at the same time it might be weird to keep going at this point? I don't know. It might get a separate Tumblr blog or something. We'll see.

Regardless, I appreciate the support, friendo.

[shootingstarsue]

[dozenssporks]

Just thinking about how Gurathin was not wrong about being cautious about Murderbot. He knows about secunits, he has evidence that this one has hurt people, and they've been attacked by other secunits already.

And Murderbot agrees with this. It knows it's a dangerous killing machine built to hurt people and has hurt people. But it doesn't want to be. It wants to protect these people and wants them to trust it but thinks they shouldn't so it's tangled up and mad and expressing it by being hostile to Gurathin.

Then Mensah, who has no deep knowledge about secunits looks at Murderbot as the person it is now. She doesn't see it as an interchangeable construct, or a past killer. All she knows is what she's seen and all she's seen is Murderbot get itself ripped to pieces to save them by its own free will.

She believes it is a good person and that opens to way for Murderbot to begin to believe that too.

I lost my thread of thought here oh well

[wheelwheelwheel]

I love how you can explain anachronisms in the Wheel of Time by the fact that it's post-apocalyptic. No one has leg hair? Well obviously razors survived the Breaking. Moiraine's claw clip? It's an ancient design that also survived the Breaking. Egwene wearing suspiciously modern leggings? Those are pre-Breaking too

[l-ii-zz]

The Trial be like:

Based on this post

[kdpartworks]

OMG the new cloudyseidon comic is even better then expected hahaha of course Penelope loves him, I don't blame her 🫣

Also Telemachus being confused as hell is so funny

Telemarketing is so confused all the time

[hipsternumbertwo]

Favorite Angela Moments 61/∞: Spork