#Still not sorry for the puppy posting! But i do intend to dress up a bit for you tomorrow. Fear not.

[satans-knitwear]

Shark attack 😱

[sif-the-tsunami]

When I Was His Wife

“Well I was looking forward to/ staying here forever/ ‘cause you asked me to/ Didn’t think I could do better/ So I settled down/ in this ten cent town/ it’s about to break me.” These are the Best Years of my Life- Pistol Annies

This is the follow up to “When You Fall Apart” Which is one of my favorites that I’ve written.

(there is Sy just carrying the weight of all of my own internal chaos)

A/N thank you for everyone who encouraged me to write this, I adore Sy as a character. He seemed like someone who could pull off the impossible. I made some choices in here that not everyone will agree with. Tell me I’m wrong in the comments an we can discuss it there.

Pairing: Sy and Josephine

Warnings: again all of them. discussion of infidelity, Discussion of child loss, discussion of unprotected sexual intercourse, headbutting, day drinking, self medicating, therapy, swearing fealty on ones hunting knife, discussion of knife play, I’m probably missing something

 Everything is going below the cut this time to save anyone who doesn’t like this kind of stuff from unpleasantness.

word count just shy of 7.5K

Thank you to @inlovewithhisblueeyes for letting me bounce ideas off of you, love you sweet girl

tagging: @oddsnendsfanfics @willkatfanfromasia @rocket44 @feralrunaway @littlewrenofrivia​  @summersong69​  @coffeebooksandfandom​ @klaine-92​ @nothingright​ @cavillsim​ @watery-lane​ @above-average-ass-bitch 

unbeta’d

I slept for the next two days, Mama only woke me up long enough to drink some water once she started worrying about me. She managed to wrangle my out of my clothes and into one of Daddy’s shirts we got him that she left in the drawer. My phone was dead, but thankfully Mama and I had the same kind so I could charge it today. What fresh hell was going to be waiting for me on my digital leash? I lay there for a while, the murmur of conversation in the other room was comforting. Mama left a fresh glass of water some time recently, it was still chilly with only a little condensation forming around the sides. The ache in my chest was almost unbearable. The hole in my heart was Syverson sized, being sober made the edges of that abyss feel even more raw and pronounced. I don’t know if my liver could handle me drowning my sorrow much more, but I would give anything to not feel it. I need to make this feeling of worthlessness go away.

When I finally decided to rejoin the land of the living, Mama and my brother Teddy were talking at the kitchen table, discussing about if they should come with me to go get my things or if I should call the sheriff’s office to be monitored. I stayed behind the corner long enough to let them finish what they were going on about.

“If I know Jo well enough, she’s going to need someone to keep her from burning the whole house down with him in it tied to a chair,” my brother chuckled. “She’s been taking care of herself for years. You should have seen how she handled one of these girls who came up to us once on Post.

“Jo was loading up the car when this prissy little thing came walking up, she must have thought she was some kind of hot shit. You would have been so proud of her Mama, the girl said to her that she had been sleeping with James during their deployment. All Jo said back to her was ‘You’ve both been back for something like three months, right, have you seen him since?’ Little Miss Hot Shit stuttered and said ‘Well not yet,’ like she had been really holding out that he was going to. ‘He doesn’t have my new phone number.’ Jo just tiled her head to the side. Smiled at her real sweetly and told her, ‘Baby girl, he’s not going to. He knows how to find you. You were just a rental car to him, sweetie bell. Ford Fiestas are fun as hell to ride but let’s be honest, you aren’t going to pick a Fiesta over the Mercedes Benz you have at home. You aren’t the first and you sure as hell won’t be the last, now go on and get out of here before I ruin the rest of your day like you tried to ruin mine.’ One of the other officer’s wives came up to her and said she was amazed that she handled her so well without breaking Miss Prissy Pant’s face. She just said ‘I’m too pretty to go to prison, Kathy.’ And we hoped in the car. You raised one tough lady, Mama.”

“How many times has that happened, Theodore, I need to know.”

“She has only told me about four women meeting her face to face. The two pregnant girls who got knocked up to get out of their deployments, Prissy Pants, and one who thought that James was in love with her. She evidently broke down in tears on the tarmac when Josie jumped into his arms and he swung her around. But she would get letters tucked into the windshield of her car for months whenever he returned from deployment.”

“You two kept this from me for years, why?”

“Jo said that this was her problem, don’t you remember how you handled it when her first boyfriend ran out on her on prom night? She cried to you and Dad, and you just told her that no one is worth weeping over. She’s just been trying to make you proud, Mama. Daddy might have known because I know they had a really nasty fight about a month before he died.”

I walked out after that. Mama’s eyes were red, “Good morning, baby, do you want pancakes? Bacon and eggs? What do you want, Darlin’?”

“Coffee would be a good start.” I rasped. “Can I use your charger?”

“It’s right here. Cream and sugar?”

“Black as my sense of humor, please Mama.” I said, Teddy chuckled again. I reached over and squeezed my brother’s shoulder. “Hey, I’m glad you’re here.”

“I got to look after my little sissy.” He replied using what he called me growing up. “So what are we doing to get over Jimmy?”

“I was thinking tattoos and day drinking?”

“Atta’ girl, Josie. Fuck that douche canoe.”

As soon as my phone was able to turn on, it sat on the counter vibrating for the next five minutes.  Six missed calls from James. And seventy text messages. A few from stores I shop at, but the majority were from my husband.

“Ugh, I just don’t feel like dealing with this right now.” I said as my mom put my coffee in front of me.

“Just leave him on read. I doubt he’s hurting for company.”  Mama said, in almost a snarl. I looked through a few messages. The last one was from this morning. Sweetheart, I’m worried sick about you, I miss you. Please talk to me?

“Ted, do you want to go with me to Walmart so I can get a couple day’s worth of clothes, I am just not ready to go back and I can’t live in Daddy’s old shirts.”

“Of course, we can get some booze while we are there.”

“Get yourself a bathing suit while you are there, honey, its going to be beautiful today and you can go for a swim.” Mama added.

I texted James back finally as I finished my coffee. I’m sorry I worried you, Sy, I have literally been asleep since I got here. I’m not ready.

I understand. I’m sorry, I should have seen how much I’ve been hurting you. I swear to God, I really do love you. Please, let me know what I can do for you.

Yeah, you should have, James. You should have seen how bad you’ve been treating me. You can drop off the face of the earth, that’s what you can do for me, I think spitefully. Thankfully, Mama washed my yoga pants and tank top. It would have to be alright for now. My brother let me wear one of his extra flannel shirts he kept in the back of his car. An hour later, Ted and I were at the store, picking up chips, dip, and cheap champagne. Mama loved mimosas, so I thought it was the least I could do. I grabbed a couple of sun dresses and a bikini, if I was going to be gone for a few days, I was going to come back home looking refreshed, radiant even, and not like the hot pile of garbage I was feeling like. I made a small detour to the cosmetics department, got myself a couple of face masks, hair dye, and sun screen.

“Really? Dark brown, Josie?”

“That’s as close to my natural color as I can, I’m tired of the blonde highlights. I think after this I might just let it come in. Grays and all. Who ever loves me next is going to have to just deal with me as nature intended.”

“I’m proud of you. Do you think you will leave him for good?” He said, Ted has always been very protective of me.

“Well, I certainly can’t leave him for evil, can I?” Making him laugh. One the way outside there was a truck near the front of the store with a sign that read “Puppies for sale.”

“Teddy, we need to see these puppies.” I gasped. Walking up to the truck bed I saw the sweetest little German Shepard puppies. I reached in and they all started flopping all over the place trying to get pets and love. Maybe a puppy was exactly what my hurting heart needed. We haven’t had a dog since Aika passed away. It was looking like I would never have a baby but maybe this was the kind I needed. Puppy snuggles would definitely make that Syverson shaped hole less painful.

“I’ll buy you a puppy if you divorce James.” Ted said to me, half joking.

“Shit, I can afford the puppy, pay for the divorce.” I jest back. “How much for one of the precious babies?”

“$500 a pup, mom has a pedigree, but daddy was the neighbor’s sneaky bastard.” The woman also petting the puppies said. “Mama is in the front if you want to meet her, daddy is very friendly as well.”

I start laughing uncontrollably. With tears in my eyes, I ask if any of the puppies are girls, and she pulls   out a beautiful little one with floppy ears and the biggest smile I had ever seen on a dog. Oh yeah, she was meant for me.

“I’ll take her, do you take checks?” I think I’m ready to start healing.

*****

“Josephine, that son of a bitch you call your husband is here to see you.” Mama shouts from the house. It’s Sunday afternoon now, Teddy and I have exhausted all the snacks and mimosas hours ago and now we were sobering up by the pool. My new baby girl is laying next to my sun chair, chewing on her bone, wearing a pretty pink collar.

“Well, might as well let him out here.” I shout back.

“Are you sure, I can kick his ass to the curb if you want me to, baby.”

“Its okay Mama, I can handle him myself.” Sy walks out in the back yard a couple minutes later. I’m guessing Mama threatened to stick him in a meat grinder.

“I deserved that.” He said, looking thoroughly admonished. “You changed your hair, it looks really good...

“Oh bless your heart, James. That’s not even half of what you deserve.” Ted spoke up before he could finish, not moving his face towards him. He lay there in his swim trunks and dark sunglasses.

“Oh great, all three of you have been drinking. I can tell this is going to go well...” James sighed. “Who is this cutie pie, did your Ma get a new dog?”

“She’s my dog, her name is Stella Rosa.”

“I don’t think anyone asked you to come, Colonel Sanders, what are you doing here?” Ted snapped.

“Hey, I got this, okay? I’m a big girl, please, go in the house. The fuck are you doing here James?” I lift my sun glasses up.

“She’s a very sweet pup. Yeah, you are a good girl for your mama, aren’t you? I came to see you. I want to bring you home, baby, I miss you.” He’s checking out my fresh tan in my new bikini. Subtly, but he does it.

“I’m not ready. I’m not even ready to talk to you. Why would you think that I even want to come home?”

“I don’t know, I asked myself that the entire drive here. I don’t know what I’m even going to do with myself when I go home alone. Pussycat, I can’t begin to think of life without you. I know I fucked up. And I know I can’t take that back. You asked me the other day what I kept that was special just between us. I should have answered you then. All those nights where you fell asleep with your head on my chest, the evenings laying in the back of the truck looking at the stars after driving around trying to find the best nachos in town. And, baby, no matter where we go, yours are always the best. No one else ever got moments like that. You are the only woman I want to slow dance with in the middle of the night.

“You are the only person in the world that I would wait four hours in the freezing cold to get the best brisket in Austin for because you were craving bbq when we were still, you know...” He paused. I don’t think he ever stopped blaming himself for what happened. His knees were never the same after that accident, and usually whenever he stood up from kneeling, they clicked and popped painfully. He leaned a little closer spreading his legs and reached down to pet Stella. She seemed a little leery of him. It is easy to be cynical given the circumstances, but there is something about the way he is talking to me, I haven’t heard him be this earnest in years.

“When was the last time you were with someone other than me?” I can’t bring myself to look at him. I keep my eyes anywhere but on him. My body aches so badly for him to just wrap his arms around me. I miss him.

“When I got held up in Kuwait for two weeks in December...”

“December? You mean when you missed my fucking birthday. Goddammit James...” And the ache is gone. My heart shattered again. He’s going to make me cry again.

“Hey, it was after your birthday, and it was a hate fuck because I was mad that I broke yet another promise to you.”

“That doesn’t make it better.” I snap. “How many that deployment?”

“Just the one. And she’s someone who I knew was more discreet because we had that arrangement before.”

“I swear on my Daddy’s grave that if you are lying to me right now, I will end you Syverson. You couldn’t have waited a few more days?”

“I had no idea when I was going home. We boarded that fucking plane three times and had to turn back because there was a problem with it. I was two seconds away from tearing apart the first Private that so much as looked at me sideways. It felt like, at the time, the less terrible choice.”

“They sound both pretty shitty to me. You are a fucking adult James, you have to be able to control yourself or at least be responsible for your actions. If this is what you think love is, I would rather you hate me.” I stand up. Stella wags her tail excited to get away.

“Josephine, please...” He grasps my wrist, not hard, but there wasn’t anyway I was going to be able to get out of his big hand.

“Please what? Please stay so you can keep treating me like this. There are some people in this world who have no problem playing second or third fiddle, they are just thankful they are in the band. But I deserve to be your first chair, or I don’t want to play at all.”

“Mama wants to know if the jackass is staying for dinner.” Ted shouts at us.

“He going!” “I’m staying!” we yell over each other. He’s not looking at me, he’s not even looking at the pup. His eyes are somewhere else, mentally for a second he is somewhere else also.

“Baby…  I… You have always been my first chair. There is no one else on earth like you. I have never done anything with these women as an act of love. It was always been, and I mean always, just a way to scratch an itch. Every time I was gone, every time things got bad, getting to come home to you was the thing that keep me going, Jo. You have been my safe harbor for the worst parts of my life.”

“James… That doesn’t excuse what you’ve done. You aren’t the man I fell for anymore. This isn’t healthy.” He let go of my wrist, and rubs his face. Those beautiful eyes of his have seen so much. For the first time I think he actually looks… broken. Is this the remorse I have been wanting to see? I try not to keep scores, especially when it comes to my loved ones. But for the first time since things went sour, he looks like I hurt him as much as he has hurt me.

Maybe there was love between us once. However there are just two broken hearts for now.

“Come on in the house, I can at least feed you before I send you back.”

“I think I will just go,” he says it quietly. “I don’t want to be a burden on you.”

“Don’t be like that, I am still cooking like I’m making dinner for you, so its way too much for the three of us. Come on in, I made carnitas.”

“I’ll be in, I just need a minute.” He refuses to let me see him cry if he’s not waking up screaming, even after all this time. Whenever we could have a healing moment, he pushes me out. I went inside, and started setting the table.

“Are we poisoning his tacos?” Teddy asked me.

“That’s not the worst idea I’ve heard today.” Mama interjected.

“No, and don’t start anything. He’s eating dinner with us, don’t either of you make him feel bad. I already did that.” Sy walked in at that moment, those blue eyes of his rimmed with red. He looked defeated. The four of us ate our dinner in silence. There was a time where he would have made some kind of comment about eating me out when we had tacos. He looked at me once during the meal, I think he remembered it too. He offered to clear the plates when were all done and sat in uncomfortable silence. The cockiness I had grown accustomed to over the years was gone.

He carried himself like this when we lost our baby, he can’t take that kind of humility. At least not with me.

“Sy...” I waited until the others were out of the room. “Do you still want me to come home with you?”

“Not if it means all we are going to do is get a divorce. I can’t see you every day knowing that I will never get to be yours again. I let them do a lot of terrible things to me over the years, but that… that I can’t handle.” His voice cracked. “If you want out, I will give you everything you ask for. I won’t fight you. But please, give me a chance to fight for you.”

“I don’t think you are exactly in a position to make that that request.” I lean against the counter across the room from him.

“No, I’m not.” he half smirked, “I don’t deserve you.”

“Look, I’m not saying that this can’t still all explode in our faces. But I miss my best friend and that has always been the best part of us. It will never be the same as it was before, it can’t be. However, if you are willing to work with me, I am willing to see if we there is any salvageable. If nothing else, we both need therapy very badly. We can’t just shrug this off. The second that it goes back to where we were, I’m gone.”

“Okay. I’ll do it.” He sniffs hard, and his breath is broken up, tucking his arms against himself. Usually its in authority, this time hes just trying to hug himself. I gesture him to come over and I hug him. He wraps his arms around then envelopes me. Leaning his head on mine, he whispers “I’ll do whatever you want, my darlin.”

I told my mom that I would be going home, she sighed at me. “Do you think this is the best idea?”

“I don’t know, Mama. I think I just want some closure. I told him if he so much as sneezes out of line that I’m gone. Forever. There will be no more chances.”

“Well, baby, I trust you. You are always welcome back here if you need to get away.”

While I’m packing my stuff into the shopping bags I had, I hear a sudden crack and Sy groans then swears. “yeah, I deserved that too.”

“What the fuck did you just do, Theodore?” I yell coming out. Ted was still holding my husband’s hand, and Sy was holding his face. “Did you… just headbutt him?”

“Yes, I did. My sister my might be willing to move past your mistakes, but I’m not. However, I’ve always been the petty one in the family. Hurt her again, they will have to dig your nuts out of your chest cavity, do we understand each other?”

“Yep, perfectly.” Sy grimaced. There were very few men that he would not retaliate against. Teddy, at 6’5, and years of horse wrangling, was one of them. Sy was build like a brick shit house, but so was my big brother. I thought we were old enough to not resort to violence, I have been wrong before.

My probably, potentially, soon to be ex-husband put mine and Stella’s things in the back bench of his truck. I held her in the crook of my arm as I climbed up in the cab. He gently shut the door for me, I noticed his shiner was going to be pretty gnarly in the morning.

He climbed into the other side as I set little Stella down on the floor. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, it was a cheap shot, I’ll be fine. At this point, I don’t want to rock the boat with your brother and Ma. She tore me a new asshole before I got outside today.”

“I’m surprised you haven’t changed your mind, say to hell with me and that I’m not worth the hassle.”

“Josephine, I might not have made the appropriate effort to show you how much you mean to me, but you are worth it.” The Syverson shaped hole in my heart roared. Why couldn’t he have been this way all along?

We talked about the girl at the movies, and how she was one of his new officers. She might have come on to him, but he never engaged with her outside of work related things. He told her several times that he wasn’t interested but she was persistent. I halfway apologized for trying to decapitate him with a tequila bottle. He acknowledged that this was a long time coming.  This was the most we had talked about anything deep for months. I don’t know if it was too little and too late though.

The rest of the drive home we made a plan of action. He would move into the office and would stay in there until I invited him back into my bed. We would start couple’s therapy as soon as we could. He would also start seeing a therapist individually. Before we got into town I also told him my final request for our reconciliation. I wanted to see other people. I had been with him since I was nineteen, I have never faltered in my devotion to him. I wanted to see if he was really the one for me.

When I got home, I poured out the rest of my alcohol, save for a bottle of champagne I was saving for our anniversary. He took Stella outside to go potty and came back singing her name “Stella bella, who is a good girl? Your Mama picks good puppies, yes she does. Good girl, Stella bella.”

Stella came prancing back to me with her tail wagging happily. He walked up behind me, and grazes the backs of my arms gently with his knuckles, leaning down to kiss my neck. “Not yet, Sy. I don’t want us to complicate things more than they already are.”

“Josie, what do you mean?”

“I don’t want to have sex with you until we start therapy.”

“So you want us to stop having sex, sleep in separate rooms and at some point you want to start seeing other men.” He starts nodding. He lets out a deep sigh and closes his eyes. “Okay, it that’s what you want to do. I was thinking about getting my stuff out of the bedroom so I can try to get some sleep. I love you, Pussycat. I’ll see you in the morning.” And with that, James went to bed. He was snoring on the couch in the office by the time I went to go lay down.      

****

It took us three weeks to get into see a couples therapist. It felt a little validating about my decision that we shouldn’t sleep together until we have really decided to try or not. She had me stay behind and talk with her for another half an hour the first time we met.  She asked me why I wanted to save my marriage with Sy if he’s hurt me for years.

“I don’t rightly know,” I told her. “Maybe its because when we are good we are so damn good. Before we were married, I was warned, I knew that things happened overseas and I shouldn’t take it personally, he’s just a man and not a saint. I never have had a doubt in my mind about if he’s been faithful when he’s been here until recently when a woman he knows started acting weird around me. The love we had was so passionate, like sometimes he thought that if he couldn’t put his hands on me I would disappear. I don’t think I will ever find someone who can love me like that again.”

The therapist suggested that he starts getting treated for PTSD and anger management while we all were working together. I would also have my own separate sessions to work on my own issues. It took a few months but I started seeing small differences in how he was handling things at work that pissed him off. He was able to defuse himself more easily. He became more open with his feelings. I think it helped that we both stopped drinking. We could be a little volatile when we had a pitcher (or three) of margaritas.

There were days with our sessions where we leave emotionally exhausted and not speak to each other the rest of the day, some of them ended in peals of laughter, others where I would cry for most of it. We discussed the infidelity at great lengths. I don’t want to rehash the details but it was definitely one of the bad days. But it seems that the root cause was him using the only the other women for comfort after fairly traumatic events. It’s why it only happened on deployments. He needed to feel something other than pain.

The lack sexual intimacy between the two of us made James start to get creative to initiate closeness between the two of us. He started helping me make dinner on the weekends, or he would bring me my coffee in the morning the way I like it. Mama and Teddy started coming over occasionally for suppers. It was nice to have the house filled with laughter. We started talking again like when we first started dating. He would take the time to go with me grocery shopping.

He started asking me out on dates again. Myself, him and Stella would drive out to the country, with a picnic basket that he would even prepare himself and we would go star gazing like we used to. I loved seeing the effort, but that hole still ached in my chest the whole time. The pieces should have all fit together, but here I was still not sure I could commit to him for the rest of my life.

On one of these dates, he asked me what I thought about him retiring. He had been in for almost nineteen years at this point and had far exceeded is expectations for being in the Army as an officer.

“I kind of just want to sell off all our extra shit and buy a really nice Air-stream. We can pull it with my truck. Just travel up and down the continent, I know you always have wanted to see the Northern Lights, we can just go anywhere. Me, you and Stella would visit where ever we could find a parking spot.”

“That sounds nice, Sy.” It came out a little half hearted.

“You don’t sound convinced, sweetheart.” He said, started sounding concerned.

“Hun, I don’t want to have a fight right now, so please just let me get this off my chest.” I sigh. And then I told him about the pain in my chest that I’ve had since my night in jail. That sometimes, like tonight, it was only a dull ache. That other times the edges are still so sharp that it feels like the pain was going to swallow me whole. He sits up, jaw dropped.

“Why haven’t you told me this before? I… Jo… son of a bitch.” He groans. He lays back down, the same defeated tone came back that I hadn’t heard since Mama’s house. “I’m trying my best, Josephine, but I feel like I have one hand tied behind my back… you will never love me again, will you?  I can grovel, and beg. I don’t know what else I need to do. I know what I want to do, but it will just hurt you more.”

“What do you want to do, Sy?”

“I want to kiss every part of your skin, remind your body that I worship it. I want to pin you to the wall of our hallway and make love to you. I want to go to sleep with my nose buried in in your hair, and wake up sliding inside of you. I have since you came home. Hell, I always want to do that with you. But that can’t be the only thing that keeps us together.” He looked over at Stella sprawl out.

“I didn’t say this to hurt you, hun. I just wanted to be honest with you.”

“I know, I… just don’t want to cause you more misery. I really thought we were, you know, heading back in the right direction.”

“We have been, and honestly, I think if we threw in the towel now, it would cause more harm than good.” I say as the tears well up in my eyes. For the first time since I was taken away, I straddle his hips. He sits up and I place my hands on either side of his face, then lean in to kiss him. He kisses me back with the same hunger. I missed him. The ache dulled a little until he pulled away.

“Let’s get going, Jo, I want you so fucking bad. I want to take you here and now, I want to make you scream my name and damn anyone who catches us. We need to stop this, the agreement was that we wouldn’t. Fuck I’ve missed how you taste.” He said before stealing one more kiss.

*****

The next week was awkward to say the least, the therapist was pleased about the kissing and that I opened up. She said that it was possible that the pain would go away, but that he and I needed to remember that it was like I was grieving. In the mean time, we should continue to take it slowly because we both needed to be sure. The following few days he was distant, and the ache returned in full force.

With his PTSD treatments, he was having less nightmares. It was the best thing I could ask for. There were still times where he would yell in his sleep but they had become farther and farther apart. It was a night after he had his individual treatment, he had come home talking about how he felt the night of my breakdown. He came home and told me a little bit, how he had never seen me so angry before, thrashing about like a caged animal. He hated himself for pushing me there. That night, in the darkness of the small hours, I woke up from being dead asleep hearing him say my name in a panic. He then repeated sounding more and more scared. “Josie, oh my god, Josie, no. I’m sorry Jo, I didn’t mean to. JoJo!”

I rushed into the office, he was jerking violently in his sleep about on the couch. I turned on the light near his head. When these dreams happen, his eyes were usually opened, it creeps my out every time. I start to gently wake him up, saying his name and touching him as gently as possible. It took a few moments but he came back to me.

“Jo, Jesus fuck, you’re alright?”

“Of course I am, sweetheart, what happened? I’m right here, I’m okay, you are okay, everything is okay.”

“I dreamed we were back in the kitchen, you were under me. Screaming and whipping about. I had to restrain you more then I accidentally broke your neck and you died in my arms. It felt real, baby, I was holding your body and then the sheriff came and that’s when you woke me up. Oh my god. I fucking can’t. I can’t anymore. I need you, Josie. If something happens to you, oh fuck.” I have never seen James sob like this. He pawed at me until I was wrapped in his arms. I slipped my arms around his neck and held his head to mine. His sobs were hard. We sat there until he let it all out.

“Come on, big man, let’s get you into bed. Come with me. I’ll stay with you all night.” He nodded at me and followed me to the bed we used to share. I wrapped him up in our fluffy blankets. He snuggled into me and was asleep in moments. I stayed there in his arms until he woke up. The Syverson shaped hole hurt less that night.

When he woke up he started crying again. He held me and started kissing my face. “Thank god. I thought you coming to me last night was another dream.”

“No baby, I’m here.” He sniffed hard and squeezed me closer to him. We went back to sleep for a few more hours and when we got up for the day he moved his things back into our bedroom. We might not have started other marital acts but we both started sleeping better having the other person in bed. It had been almost six months we started trying to reconcile.

*****

It had been an interesting couple of months while we started the transition for him to retire. Soon it was only a matter of days. The dates had continued, the kissing had continued, but something was keeping me back from being able to say that the next step was what I wanted. Therapy continued, and we would be seeing her for the next few months. Before I left my private session she asked me if I had given myself a deadline. She was concerned that I might keep dragging it out and that would just make both of us miserable. I told her I had an idea and that I planned on pulling the trigger soon.

Sy’s superiors were setting up a retirement ceremony for him, followed by a dinner with the upper chain of command. He wasn’t looking forward to it, Sy just wanted to be out and done. He came home one day while I was watching a show based on a book series I had read when we first were married. The redheaded Scot swore fealty to his wife, offering to pierce his own heart with a dagger if he should ever rebel against her again.  

“What’s this you’re watching?” He asked.

“Outlander, it just picked back up again from a season break. It’s pretty damn close to the book.”

“So is this what the ladies like these days, men in kilts offering to off themselves if they fuck up?”

“Women have liked men in kilts since I can remember. Why do you think we go to the Renn Faire every year.” I wink at him. “But yeah, I’m sure that does it for some people.”

“Well shit, Pussycat, it’s the only thing I haven’t done.” Sy walked out of the room and came back with his favorite hunting knife. It had been his dad’s once upon a time. The handle was made out of buck horn. In his warn and dusty uniform, he knelt in front of me on the living room floor. His beautiful blue eyes looking into mine, “Well, this isn’t iron, and it definitely isn’t holy. However, I will swear on it either way. Josephine, you are the only woman I have ever loved, you are my best friend, and I adore you. I will never do anything to make you doubt that love or loyalty again. If I ever do anything that makes you feel like you are less than the beautiful, smart, incredible, sexy creature that you are, you can sink this right in my heart. I will even hold it there for you so all you have to do is press it right in.” He finishes with a tongue click as an exclamation.      

“James, you didn’t need to do this. You know I am weird about grand gestures.”

“No, I think I do. I said my vows to you on our wedding rings and I wasn’t able to keep it. But, I will never break this one. If I can earn your love back, I will never do anything to make you regret giving me this chance to be your man.” He still held the knife against his chest with one hand, and placed my hand over his with the other. “So what do you think, baby girl? We still have a long way to go, but I can’t think of anyone else I would rather struggle with.”

“I think you just put yourself in a position that I could just end you now if I wanted to.” I say with my usual sass.

“Yes, you could. I don’t think you will though.” He said smiling, his voice was husky and deep as usual. I love that easy smile of his.

“Is it wrong that I want to get on your lap and make out with you while I hold this against you.” His eyebrow raised. “Maybe more than just make out with you.”

“Oh, don’t you tease me now, sweet thing. I don’t want to start anything you won’t finish.”

“Who said I won’t finish it, Colonel Syverson?” His eyes grew as big as dinner plates.  

“Wait, do you mean it?” He choked.

“Yeah, I do mean it.” I laughed. Before I could get up, he had hiked the skirt of the dress I was wearing up to my hips, pulling me to the edge of the sofa, revealing that I had skipped a certain garment that day. “I had an idea for after supper, but if you want we can do this now…. Oh fuck I’ve missed this.”

Before I can even finish my sentence, he was going to town with his tongue on his favorite part of my body. He remembered everything that made me squeal in delight. From the lack of sex on both of our ends, he was able to get me off easily. My body was desperate for his touch. He stopped once my body was trembling, kissing one of my thighs from my apex to my knee. He suddenly grunted and bit down on a tender part. He started panting and kissed the spot he bit.

“I’m sorry, sugar, I didn’t want to only last for two or three thrusts. Fuck, I have missed this pretty pussy. You taste so good.” He had a handful of his own cum and looked around for a tissue. Without a word, I grabbed his hand and licked it clean, keeping eye contact with him the entire time. He moaned out and then stood up. He took his shirt off, and lifted me up off the couch. I knew this hurt his back and knees but I wasn’t about to chastise him for wanting to be romantic. He carried me like we were on our honeymoon back to the bedroom. He lay me down as gently as possible then finished stripping himself. I took my dress off leaving myself exposed to him in a way that I haven’t in almost a year. Sy joined me on the bed, open and vulnerable to me. I loved those thick thighs and torso of his, he always eclipsed me.

“Hello ladies, nice to finally see you again.” He purred as he licked and sucked on my nipples. He leaned to one side and massaged my breasts with one of his hands. “Glad to see you that you missed me too.”

Before long, I could feel his erection pressing against my thigh. He spread my legs and rubbed himself against my opening. He leaned down and kissed my neck before sliding himself inside of me. I moan his name as he gently started making love to me. Bearing his weight on his elbows, he kissed and nipped at my neck.

Breathlessly, he told me how much he missed my body, how much he loved me, how lucky he was to have me. As his tempo increased, he started to whisper in me ear.

“Josephine, tell me what you are.” I looked at him confused. “You are my wife, I want you to tell me that you are my wife.”

“I’m your wife, James.” I tell him as lovingly as possible.

“Louder, baby.”

“I’m your wife.” I said loud and clearly. The Syverson shaped hole in my chest is gone, finally. Replaced with the warmth of knowing we were going to be able to survive this.

“Even louder, Jo.” I yell it out and he thrusts harder and deeper. “Keep going, beautiful, I want the whole neighborhood to know.”

I screamed it as he started pounding me harder, building his orgasm. As my own starts its crescendo, I screamed his name and arched my back as he pulls my hips down on himself and spilled into me. He lay down beside me, twitching and jerking a little. He kisses all the parts of my skin that is available to his reach.

“I think we should order a pizza for dinner tonight,” He says after a few minutes of catching his breath. “So we can stay in bed and make love again.”

“Or, and hear me out. I put my dress back on, you get dressed and we go out for sushi with your cum dripping down my thighs. What do you think about that?”

“Shit, I missed you being a damn freak like that. Do I we get to have more fun tonight if I say yes?” He chuckles, then kisses my hand, “I still want you to ride me with my knife pointed at me some time tonight.”  

“Aren’t you scared I’m going to cut off a nipple or something.”

“You, with a knife? To be honest, cutting off my nipple is the least of my concerns. How do I know if this just isn’t a whole plan to lure me into complacency with sex and sushi, then you just murder me in my sleep.” He rolled onto his back and whined for a second, but got up. He put on a pair of khaki shorts and a black Metallica t-shirt as I got into my dress again.

“God damn woman, you are so fucking sexy.” He tells me as he opens the door on my side of the truck and leans down to kiss me again. As I climb up he give my butt a little tap just like he used to and closes the door for me. The ache I’ve been feeling these long months has subsided. Sitting across the cab from me, holding my hand, he asks if we want to go look at travel trailers this weekend. For the first time in a while, I feel like everything is going to be alright.

[snapefiction]

#21. Christmas Present - Snapemas Challenge

A/N: Day 21 of Snapemas! I hope you like it! This one is a little bit longer. I hate proof reading so much it stops me from uploading  Christmas is so close now! I can't wait! ahhhhhhhh I will upload more - I promise (I just dunno when)

Idea from @deepperplexity ´s Writing Challenge ! Check her Writings and the other Snapemas posts out! :)

❤️ Please remember that English isn’t my native language and that my Writings will include Mistakes and maybe weird formed sentences. ❤️

Pairing: Severus Snape x Professor!Teacher

Warnings: Mention Cursings, Slight NSFW mention of cookies - might make you hungry - atleast I got hungry - I love cookies

Word count: 5941

Y/N - Your Name, Y/L/N - Your last Name, Y/H/C - Your Hair Colour

#21.Christmas Present

,,O-Oh Professor Snape, before you leave I uh wanted to ask you something." In response he just rose his eyebrow and stared down on you. You laid down the Silverware on your Plate as the other Professors continued to eat their lunch.

,,I saw that you have quiet a big collection of books and I wondered if you're in possession of one I have been looking for to read for very long." Sighing he wetted his lips. He wasn’t even hiding his boredom. What a great Start, you thought to yourself.

,,Which one are you looking for?" Smiling you set your drink aside. ,,It's a rare one from Scotland. ,The correct way of Potion brewing and wild Herbology'." Now his face looked like your answer might actually have impressed him. ,,I am able to call one of these copies mine."

,,Oh really?" Your excitement seemed to confuse him slightly so you fixed your posture, flattened down your dress and collected your words together. ,,Would you mind if i would borrow it?" You followed him like a lost Puppy as he kept walking down the great hall.

,,You can pick it up tomorrow after lunch at my chambers."

,,Thank you, Professor!“ Smiling you first thought about hugging him but as your arms almost flew around him you backed up and held out your hand. ,,Sorry." Thinking about wether he should take my hand or not he finally decided to get up only to turn around on his heels. As always he vanished within seconds into the dark corridors. The Butterflies in your stomach went crazy now so you just tried to hide your smile as got up yourself to walk the other way leading towards your classroom.

In the next Morning you hurried your whole way up to the mountain where you just recently found a dead Acromantula. It has been two days ago when you have had spotted her. Actually you intended to let her rest in peace but you really wished you could give Severus something in return of his grace. So you quickly pulled out something out of your bag to catch the rare venom dripping from it's teeth. Actually it could become quiet dangerous up in here but since you went there almost everyday you felt more than just safe.

After the jar was full you went on your way back to the castle. It wasn't a too long way. It only took an hour and a half and you also got to take some ingredients you needed for your classes with you too. After you got everything secured in your class stocks  and changed your dress you went to lunch. Severus already sat at the unpredictability long table. Smiling you sat down next to him trying to hide your excitement. A good Book was always making you nervous. Not to mention a Book you have been looking for since so long and loaning it from a person you truly kind of liked?

,,Hello Professor Snape, I hope you're doing alright?" You chattered but got interrupted as the food appeared on the table. He wouldn’t have continued the Conversation anyways. After something that felt like an eternity but turned out to just have been 20 minutes you walked next to Severus towards his chambers. You told him about the new Paper you got from the Ministry about magic beasts - even if he didn't asked for it. But you knew if you didn't want to walk in silence you would have to talk yourself.

,,Theres even an article about Muggle Medicine in it. They test it on animals. Did you knew that? That’s so cruel.“ You noticed how he rolled his eyes on your words but you just simply knew he didn't dislike you as much as he disliked Gilderoy Lockhart. As you reached his door he quickly opened it with his wand. ,,Enter." Allowing you to step into his chambers. Nervously you closed the door after you. As he went to his shelf to look for the book you quickly opened your bag. He was quicker than you were so he just stood in front of you and held out the book.

,,One second - I almost got it!" And just by that you were able to grab the small jar. After you held it into the light and put it in his hand you took the book in return. Already admiring the Front Cover.

,,I know it's not much, but I just wanted to give you something as appreciation for the loaning." You Mumbled while scanning the little details stencilled in the edges.

Curious he inspected the label. ,,Where did you get it? So freshly?" Professor Snape quickly asked now, surely interested.

,,I uh - from the left Mountains. I found a dead Acromantula two days ago. I thought the Venom might come in handy for potions." You now looked back up at him. Your smile was wider than usual, you were just so happy about the possibility to finally read this book.

,,It - uh - yeah. Do you know the value of it?" His eyebrows arched.

,,Of course I do. But there's nothing as value as finding something you've been looking for since a long time." You smiled mumbling as you now opened the first pages of the book. Small golden details shined into your eyes. ,,Wow." You mumbled. He didn't even try to hide his stares at you as you looked through the pages and you could feel how he tried to be nice for once.

,,Would you like to sit down and have some tea? You can read it here while I'm brewing and prepare my-“

,,I'd love to." You admitted. Your eyes connected instantly as you closed the book to press it on your chest while sitting down on his couch. The first few moments as you sipped your teas remained silent until you just couldn't take it anymore.

,,Where did you get it? The book I mean." His beautiful dark eyes finally dared to look back at mine and he explained.

,,Hagrid is friends with someone who knew the Author. So as I once helped him out in his garden he just gave it to me." You felt like his voice was more quiet than usual and you had to listen even more carefully. His voice made something blossom inside of you. Butterflies flying, Flowers blooming, Sunshine finally hitting my skin? It felt all the same- incredible sweet and addictive.

,,That's very Kind." The Afternoon continued. Your Conversations were really short but you enjoyed every word. He chooses his words wisely which was the total opposite to you. You spoke as soon as a small thought came to your mind trying to fill the silence. It was like you balanced the Smalltalk out. Spending time with him meant learning to worship his words and worship a peaceful silence. As the Clock strikes 7pm he looked up to you. You grabbed your Coat. ,,Are you going to eat Dinner tonight?“

Shaking his head he pointed to a tower of Notebooks, meaning he was still to intertwined in his Job Tasks.

,,I See.“ Chuckling you pushed a strain of your Hair behind your ear. ,,Thank you for letting me read the Book and the Tea. I really enjoy it.“ For a second he just looked at you before his lips parted.

,,You can stop by and read anything you want, whenever you want.“ Listening close to his voice you noticed how his Perplexity from earlier hasn’t faded yet. But before he’d cancel his Offer you accepted.

,,I’d love to. I´ll see you tomorrow then, Professor.“ Waving over to him you turned around to walk to the great hall. Your Cheeks still beheld the pink touch you got from when you were around him. It was calming you to spent Time with him. You felt more relaxed than sleeping out, hearing rain or hearing your favourite song. He made it all better, he made you feel more safe than anyone else by just offering you tea. Dear Merlin, do you even listen to yourself? How can you be so in love with him after just 5 Months working at Hogwarts?

As your seventh Month at Hogwarts began so did the Winter Time. Christmas was only three weeks ago by now. It was till too long for you liking. Yesterday, a rainy Sunday you started to bake cookies and slightly decorate your room more festive. The Holiday Spirit already took you over in July and now it was finally your favourite time of the year. Smiling you walked over to Severus Classroom to meet him for your daily Meetings. You came here daily to read, grade Papers from your students or just drink some tea with him. It became a loved habitat of yours and he seemed to enjoy it himself as he grew to become a friend of yours. Knocking he almost instantly let you in.

,,I´m already making Tea. I´ll be right there.“ You heard him shout from the Kitchen.

,,Okay.“ You responded as you quickly laid down all your Notebooks you still had to grade and placed the box filled with cookies on his Table. You made some just for him knowing he has a sweet Tooth. Who else would drink their Tea with at least two or three tablespoons of sugar if it wasn’t their sweet tooth speaking out of themselves. Slightly chuckling you sat down on one of the Students Desks to start grading. You could simply work better on one of these as on one of the Teachers Desks. They just seemed too tall and too uncomfortable for your liking.

,,What is that?" Curious you turned around. ,,What's what, Professor?" He rolled his eyes as he heard the name you used. ,,On my desk."

,,I made cookies for you." As he continued to stare at you, you began to explain it to him. ,,I made some chocolate chip cookies, cinnamon ones and some plain ones. I know you like pumpkin so I bought some special cookie cutters at Hogsmead last week." Smiling you went up to the box, opened it up for him and showed him the small pumpkin shaped cookies.

,,See? Do you want to try some?" With caution he carefully took one and bit the half of it off. Waiting for his reaction as he chewed then putting the box aside and going back to your seat. ,,Do you like them?" He still kept chewing.

,,Actually- yes." A small smile made it's way across his lips and he ate the other half too.

,,I really hoped so." Sitting back down you waited until your Cup of Tea which now flew towards you sat in front of you. Severus always made the best tea.

Grading the last Homework you walked over to Severus huge Library Wall only to take the Book you used to read in the Daily. With butterflies in your chest you continued to read the few last pages of the book. You only had one third of the book left and by all means you wouldn't want to lose your tradition. So it happened that you started to reread the pages twice so you would have to spend more time with him or just in his chambers. Actually it’d only take you around 3 days to finish this big book but you didn’t wanted your shared time to end. The time has passed so quickly that you could feel how your body resisted to leave as it was time for dinner.

,,Are you coming with me for Dinner today?“ Severus just smiled. He was already done with his Papers and laid aside the Newspaper he just began to read.

,,Sure.“ He said only to follow you. He told you about something that had happened in his class today and about what he just read in the Newspaper.

,,No way!“ You Laughed grabbing his Arm in disbelief. ,,Imagine this happening to you- Merlin!“ Now he had to chuckle as well. He could make you laugh louder than anyone else. His dry Humor was just the best. After Dinner he walked you to your Chambers and you thanked him as always.

,,Good night, Severus. I see you at Breakfast.“ He put on a slight smile.

,,I´ll see you at Breakfast.“ His dark silhouette faded in the corridors and so did you in your chambers.

The weeks until Christmas was just a few days ago were just stressful. You and Severus almost never talked and just worked which was kind of tiring  you but you knew as closer as Christmas was around as closer was the Relief of all this Stress. After Lunch you planned to head straightly back to Hagrid helping him taking care of new magical Creatures he cared for. The small Bowtruckles were new here in this Region and you were too eagerly happy to get a chance to study them and present them in your classes next year. After downing your Tea you wanted to say goodbye to Severus before leaving but he stopped you at the end of the great hall.

,,Um err- would you mind meeting me later in my chambers? I've got something for you and - err- maybe I can cook dinner for us.“ Severus nervously stuttered while hiding his face with parts of his hair. He always made pauses while talking but you could tell he was acting a little bit shy and nervous. Smiling you nodded in agreement. That’s be a great opportunity to give him his Christmas Present you just finished.

,,I'll be there by 8." He quickly left your side in his well known manner. With his flying cape, showing off his presence. As he was gone and you couldn't hear his footsteps anymore you began to notice how red you turned. Your whole face was warm and your heart flattered. That always happened when Severus is near you. You had to admit, you like him. More than just a regular coworker. More than a friend. Maybe that's why you hurried the whole day to be there perfectly on time in front of his Chambers. Your heartbeat crawled up into your head and your hand was slightly shaking. Nervously you fixed your hair one last time and knocked ever so slightly.

,,Come in.." Severus quickly opened the door. ,,Please, come in." He tried his best to smile warm-hearted but you could see him being nervous again.

,,Good evening." He kept his Head low. You'd love to see his face.

,,Good evening , how are you?“ The both of you talked about your day and silently took a seat on the couch after finishing the smalltalk. The warmth of the Cabin reached you to the armchair. Severus sat across of you and began to rumble with his words.

,,I - Yesterday I went to Hogsmeade. I had to get some books and ingredients. And erm I - I came across the jewellery store and uh something catched my eye. I bought it for you." You felt your cheeks glow again. Severus stood up to grab a small package from above the cabin. For you?

,,But Severus- you didn't have to." Flustered you accepted the package as he handed it to you.

,,But it's almost Christmas and I really wanted to get you something." He almost whispered. With slightly shaking hands you opened it up. A small silver Hair needle fell into your hands. It was very pretty handcrafted and at the top was a green stone. It looked like it belong to a Slytherin and you couldn't help but smile. It was the prettiest thing you have gotten since a long time and it really made your heart flatter. The beautiful silver and the pretty green made it look like it belonged to someone royal.

,,It's so pretty." You looked up to his curious eyes. ,,Thank you so much , Sev. I don't know what to say." Small tears formed in the corner of your eyes and you couldn't help but cover your mouth while looking at the beautiful accessory. The Stone seemed to shine because of the dim light from the cabin. He really got something for you.

,,You like it?" Severus asked and his nervousness faded.

,,I love it." With a bright smile you stood up and fell into his arm. Crossing your arms around his neck and thanking him a million times. As you slightly let go of him you looked at him joking. ,,But you know those aren't my house colours right?" Again he smiled.

,,I know. I - I wanted to give you something that uh reminds you of me." Your smile faded and now the first tears started to roll down your face. It was such a thoughtful gift with a great meaning. You couldn't remember getting such a thoughtful and nice gift ever before.

,,Is everything okay,dear?" He hasty insured while checking your face.

,,Yes." You took a deep breath. ,,Yes. I will just dearly miss you over the holidays." He softly cupped the side of your arms and petted them before pulling you close again. This Time you could directly listen to his heartbeat. It was the first time he hugged you. You always hugged him but he never tried to hug or touch you.

,,I'll miss you too, I guess." He said almost cooing. ,,But maybe we can meet sometime? I mean only if your schedule allows and you're willing to-"

,,I'd love that, Sev." Now he pushed you away a few inches to look into your face. Your Tears already have stopped now by the feeling of being flustered taking over.

,,Sev?" He asked now.

You chuckled. ,,I think that's a cute nickname." You stated and he couldn't help himself but smile as well. He liked it too. ,,Are you ready for your Present?“ As you sat down again , took out the present of your small bag you began to nervously smooth out the edges of your wrapping paper. ,,I feel like I should have get you something else after receiving your gift." Embarrassed you turned red and handed it to him. But Severus didn’t mind, excited he opened it up. After holding it in his hands he began to smile widely. A black scarf which- for once- matched his height and wasn’t way too short like the regular ones.

,,Did you made it yourself?" He asked after noticing his small initials stitched into the fabric as he brushed over them with his fingertips.

You nodded. ,,Yes.“ Smiling he moved closer to you and pulled you into a hug. ,,That's the best thing I've ever gotten." He admitted and enjoyed being close to you in this intense Moment.

,,I'm glad you think so." Feeling relief you noticed how short your breath has gotten by now.  What’d you give to be even closer to him by now. Seconds passed and you didn’t let go of him, you simply didn’t dared to. The Moment he’d let go of you, you’d miss his touch instantly. But when his tall hands slowly stroked over your back you didn’t  felt like he’d want to let go as well.

A loud knock made you both tear apart. Scared you looked back to Severus. He looked as confused as you did.

,,Enter.“ Grabbing your Wand you got up, walking together with Severus to the door to see who interrupted you.

Hagrid almost tripped into the Chambers. ,,Ms. YLN, here you are. I need ya help! It’s about the Babies.“ He looked so panicked and your heart almost ripped apart but you just gave Severus a quick smile.

,,I´m sorry, I erm it’s urgent. .. I uh can be back in an hour. Is that alright?“ He quickly nodded and by that Hagrid grabbed your Hand to rush after him. Following this Giant Man you sighed. There was no worse timing right now. He pulled you right out of your Bubble of being close to Severus.

,,What happened to them?“ You asked him as he continued to hurry towards his hut.

,,Somethin´ in da forbidden Forrest bid them. Dunno know what to do!“ Pressing your Lips together you thought about Spells which could help you. If they were so small it could quickly be too late for any help if they didn’t got the right help. Quickly running to the small Baby Bowtruckle laying on Hagrids Table you inspected their wounds.

,,Shh, it’s okay. Let me have a look.“ The tiny leg was bent in weird directions and a small bite was visible. Taking out your wand you quickly healed the wound and took care of the small lad.

,,Do you have an idea what could’ve bitten them?“ Hagrid just shook his head. Sighing you let the Bowtruckles walk over your hand.

,,I can take them with me. It’s not the same like the forrest but they could grow up being safe.“ Hagrid helped you bringing them to your classroom before you quickly hurried back to Severus. Hopefully he wouldn’t be too mad.

Knocking you flattened the wrinkles on your dress. Severus opened the Door rather slow. He nervously scratched his head. His black hair was now tucked behind one of his ears.

,,I wasn’t expecting you to be back so quickly. Or to return at all.“ He admitted and you could already smell the Dinner he was cooking.

,,It was about the Bowtruckles I told you about. I brought them to my Classroom. Now I’m all yours, I promise.“ He let you slide inside and as you watched his movements you noticed that he was as flustered as you were.

,,If you want to you can keep reading until I’m done cooking?“ His Insecurities were still visible but as you smiled at him his tension faded.

,,Sure.“ Approving his idea you made your way to his living room as he continued cooking. As you watched him buzzing around in his kitchen from afar you opened your hair to adjust the hair needle he gifted you earlier. It fitted perfectly. A lot of hair needles were to short for your long yhc Hair but this one could hold everything in place easily and made you feel like a princess. You walked over to the mirror on the wall to look at your hair. You really liked it more this way. He got you the perfect present. Happy about the present you sadly realised how you forgot to bring your present for him at your chamber. You knitted him a scarf because you noticed how he never had one besides him. The green and black matching the house he was the head of.

,,You truly are beautiful." You slightly got scared as you didn't noticed how he stepped behind you. Your cheeks directly became red again. ,,Thank you.“ He took the Book from the top of the shelf where he lastly placed it only to put it in your Hands.

,,I´ll try to hurry.“ He assured before heading back to the kitchen.

If your students would hear his voice right now they would highly doubt it was him. His usual demanding voice now was low and casual and by that he went into the kitchen. Sitting down on his Armchair you could sometimes hear him mutter some small words like ,Fucking garlic' or something else which made you smile even more.

Who would have thought that you would sit on his Armchair on a peaceful night , reading a book as he was cooking for the both of you? It was almost like a date. Well actually that wasn't true. It felt like the future you wished so deeply for as a kid. The only difference was that you imagined it to be your husband but you didn't mind it being Severus. You knew he would never feel the same as you do. It was okay. It truly was. Sometimes you wished you could show him some affection- but he wouldn't like it. Being friends - which was obviously a huge step to make - was totally enough. You could hide your feelings if you had to. Having a good friend was all you ever asked for so you shouldn't bother yourself or even him with feelings who could ruin it all in a minute.

,,In 10 Minutes Dinner will be ready." He loudly announced from the kitchen. Surprised you looked up. He still hurried around the kitchen. Slowly you turned back a few pages. As you were lost inside your thoughts you couldn't remember what you just have had read. Putting a small paper in the book between the pages and closing it you had to sigh. Soon it will be Christmas and it would be your third one in Hogwarts. Maybe Severus would be here? Lost in your thought you walked over the kitchen where you spotted Severus opening some Wine. His arms pulled the cork without any sign of effort.

He scanned my face with his eyes and then made his way over to the oven where he pulled out some casserole. It smelled like heaven and soon the whole kitchen had it in the air. His movements made your Thoughts wander. His Arms were so strong- you never seemed to notice before.

,,Whats on your mind?“ Carefully he added a few last ingredients to the food as he pulled you out of your thoughts.

,,I erm was wondering how you celebrate Christmas?“ You lied blushing as he caught you thinking about him.

,,Actually I don't celebrate it. I don't celebrate anything." Shocked you now looked at him.

,,Not even your Birthday?" He shook his head which made his hair whip.

,,Not even my Birthday."

,,Severus! Who hurt you?" He had to laugh about your unbelievable expression. While pulling out a chair for you.

,,There's no sense in celebrating alone." Severus simply stated, pushing your chair slightly towards the table.

,,Thanks.“ Mumbling you thought about this nonsense. ,,Of course it is! I do it too." You added.

,,Then how do you celebrate it?" He now asked curiously and looked at you sitting down across of you.

,,I always celebrated it with my Family but since I work at Hogwarts I just.. spend it alone. Anyways firstly I get all the presents for everyone and make sure they arrive at the right place. Then I get a Christmas tree and decorate it. Afterwards I bake some cookies and in the evening I sit down to read a book and eat all those cookies. As simple as that." As you finished you expected him to say something but he kept on listening to you. ,,It sounds a little bit sad but it isn't that bad. I uh I try to enjoy my own company." Severus felt a little bit of pity. He knew you are really attached to other people and knowing you spend days which are important to you alone made his heart sink. He simply knew too well how being alone feels like.

,,As I already said, I uh would love to see you.“ He tried to uplift the Mood and placed some Food on your Plates. Nodding you thanked him. ,,I can’t wait.“ You admitted again and held up your Glas of wine.

,,Thank you for cooking for us and thank you for your present.“ He copied your movements and you slightly pushed your Glasses together. After you both took small sips from your wine you began to dine. His eyes always made sure you weren't spitting it out or something but actually you haven't had any reason for it.

,,It's really delicious. I never knew you were such a great cook?“ He chewed up and answered chuckling.

„I haven’t cooked for you before. Or anyone in general, so how would you know?“ You joined his chuckles and took a sip of wine again. As you tried to stretch your legs a little bit you accidentally touched his leg. Instantly his glance got up to yours and you pulled back your legs. It was like a small electric shock. A good one indeed.

,,S-Sorry." Blushing you locked my eyes with your plate. Your heart was pumping so fast you couldn't taste anything  of the food in your mouth anymore. Your nerves got foggy and your hands numb. Carefully you pushed around some broccoli on your plate. You liked touching his leg but he did he too? Did you reveal yourself? Carefully looking up he did the same thing you did a few seconds ago. Moving around some veggies on his plate. Was he bored of you? You didn’t knew. The air filled with so much tense it got harder to breathe. Biting on your lip you got an idea. It would cost some courage but it wasn't impossible to do. If it would fail you could simply excuse yourself by it being an accident but right now you had to know how he'd react. Laying down the silverware silently you carefully stretched out your leg towards his.

Now your legs were touching and you didn't dare to look up. The silence thickened and as it almost got too much he laid down the silverware himself and put one of his hands on your knee. Too excited your breaths got irregular and you could feel his heat storming through your body. With his thumb he started to draw small circles on your leg and as he continued for a while you looked up to him. Your face was probably fully blushed but he didn't seem to care. His dark eyes which have never looked this dark locked with yours. His expression didn't reveal anything. Was he enjoying it? Was he doing it because he thought it was what you wanted? Well, it was what you wanted but he just isn't the type of guy who'd do anything just because he think you’d expect it. Slowly his hand started to wander. A few millimetres upwards and you almost couldn't help yourself. Your thoughts wandered to things you could never say out loud. Imagining his fingers on places of your body you usually only touch myself.

As you realised how shaky your breath left my throat you grabbed your Glas of wine and flushed it all down. A small smirk appeared on his face.

,,Some more?" Quickly you nodded. You´d say yes to anything he would ask you to right now. He had the full control over you, you thought. How could a simple man make you so weak within seconds?

,,Want to continue this on the couch?“ Quick your legs pushed yourself up from the chair and you walked over to the living room. Not being able to answer him with your words. The whole Situation just became more interesting than you firstly anticipated beforehand. The mood has completely changed. There was something else in the air which you haven't felt before that intensive. Severus again opened another bottle of wine and now sat down directly next to you. He never did that. Usually there was atleast one pillow size distance between you or he sat in his Armchair. But now his legs touched yours and his arm touched yours as he leaned forward to the desk to reach for our glasses.

,,Thanks." You whispered and you felt like as if this wasn't anything you could dream of. The smell of his Aftershave filled your nose and the fabric of his trousers against your bare knees got you shaking. Silently you drank the first glass in silence. But at our second Glas he laid his hand on your leg. Not on your knee. On your Leg. Right before the fabric of your skirt started to hide your skin. Did he knew what he did to you? Could he feel your heartbeat? Could he feel your butterflies?

Closing your eyes I felt the alcohol hitting your nerves. It wouldn't take much to make you drunk but right now you felt like you would need every drip of any type of alcohol you could possibly get. Carefully you moved your head to your side to look at his face. He softly swung his wine in his hand and drank it too. His pink small lips cupped the Glas corner  and his hair flew a few inches back as he put his head into his neck and drank up. As he stood his Glas back down you wanted to be more offensive. He seemed to be interested, you thought. Slowly and with my glance on the cabin you widened your neckline to reveal more of my chest. His eyes hushed over to see what you were doing. Slowly, torturing slowly you revealed a small part of your throat. Continuing you showed him more and more. His hand on your leg clutched his fingers a little bit stronger into your flesh. You continued until you almost revealed your bra. As you looked over to him now he smiled slightly.

,,You're beautiful." He whispered. ,,I can only repeat myself.“ Slowly you pushed your weight a little bit up to sit down on his lap. His Hands instantly guided you. Making sure you were comfortable. Now you could hear his irregular breath as well.

,,I really like you, Severus." You admitted as you hugged him closely again. His Hands again rubbed your back and as you felt him stiffen under you you almost inaudible moaned. Hoping instantly this wasn’t the day he’d break your heart by telling you to back off.

,,The last few months uh I felt like I was acting like a freak and it took me some time until I understood that I maybe just got confused by something. Or someone." You now stopped in your tracks to look at him again.

,,Someone?" You asked.

,,You." His cheeks were red. ,,I really like you." He didn't knew where his courage came from but he knew it was the right time to finally admit it.

,,Really?“ You couldn't move out of fear of scaring him and his feelings away. Your heart beat so hard you feared he could see it banging from your chest. Did he really just say that? Or did the wine you had at dinner fogged your senses. Did he really just admit that to you?

,,You Don't have to feel the same but I wanted to let you know that i like you more than just friends.“ As he intended to back up a little bit you quickly moved towards him and pressed your lips against his. In your chest was a firework exploding and butterflies from the night escaping to your stomach. Softly he kissed you back and put his hands on your hips where they used to rest until the kiss was paused so the both of you could catch some air.

,,I like you too. More than just friends“ You whispered smiling.

His lips brushed against your earlobe. The words he spoke made your emotions going even more crazy. You could scream out of tension, happiness and even more out of lust. Being this close to him made you go crazy. You wanted to have Sex with him all night and at the same time you felt like this was an even more intimate Moment than you ever had before.

,,Would you like to stay for the night?" His raspy dark voice sounded like it just got even darker than before.

,,I’d love to.“ And again his Lips touched yours. Slowly and more passionate this time. The Night continued in more and more Intimacy. The Both of you wouldn’t spent Christmas alone this year nor the following ones.

Taglist: @deepperplexity , @monstreviolet , @wow-life-love4 , @lizlil

Let me know if you want to be added in my Taglist. :)

[dubersbutt]

can there be a second part of pld and the cheating girl? if not totally understand! i love your writing

TW: cheating

Lol I may or may not have gotten carried away this one

The Drabble in question can be found here 

You let yourself slump against the steering wheel once you pulled into the parking lot. You just got off the phone with your boyfriend after fighting about something stupid. You’ve been dating for a year now, and lately you just couldn’t stop fighting. Every little thing he did upset you, and vice versa.

You made yourself take five minutes to collect yourself before you get out of the car to go to work. When you walk into your physio office you set your bag down and start to get into your routine of spraying and wiping down the table before the boys start rolling in. You’re working on three of the boys today before their game. 

The first two come through with no issues and their normal routines. But you sighed when it came time for the third. Pierre-Luc Dubois - tall, muscular, and the reason for your current relationship problems. A few weeks ago one of your friends had come over for a girls night. A few glasses of wine later, your tipsy brain had let it slip that you found him very attractive. Unbeknownst to you, Sam was listening from your shared bedroom. From that moment, until the you stumbled up to the room, he had convinced himself that you were cheating on him - apparently not liking that your job consisted of having your hands on half naked men all day. He confronted you the next day. It took you awhile to convince him that it wasn’t true, but he eventually believed you. However, it still came up once in a while. 

This morning he made a side comment about keeping your hands to yourself and you may or may not have lost it on him. You spent the whole drive thinking about how you were going to break up with Sam once you got home after the game. You ran through different scenarios in your head while you worked on Boone Jenner; would he take it well? Would he scream? Then you thought about who would gain custody of your puppy. 

“Hey, (Y/N),” Pl says when he walks in.

“Hi Pl,” you respond, “Take your shirt off and sit on the bed,” you say as you turn and see he has already done so. 

He grins at you and you roll your eyes, “Hockey players, you’re all nudists.” 

“You don’t enjoy the view?” He says as he stretches on the exam bed. You have to tear your eyes away from the pale expanse of skin after you’ve been looking for probably a little too long. 

You roll your eyes again to play it off before you start working on his shoulders. You are a professional, you’re used to the feel of taunt muscles under your hands but Pierre is just so damn good looking you let your mind wander. You think about what it would be like to run your hands under his body in a different circumstance, one where you could lean down, kiss the exposed skin of his throat, run your nails down his abs. 

“You alright, (Y/N),” he asks, “Your grip is a little tighter than usual.” 

“Sorry,” you apologize hastily, pulling your arms back quickly, “Just a lot of stuff on my mind.”

“It’s alright,” he says, “Anything you need to talk about.” 

When you give him a look he flashes a smile at you, “C’mon, we’re friends, aren’t we.” 

“I think I’m contractually obligated to say no.”

“I won’t tell anyone,” he grins, and his stupid smile wears you down.

“It’s nothing, just men really suck sometimes,” you say before you realize your talking to a man, “sorry.”

“Nah, I get it. I just got of the phone with my sister and she just gave me the ‘all men are trash’ speech.” 

You laugh and change the subject before finishing Pl’s session. 

~~~

Since you have to be there for the game you go for lunch with some of your colleagues instead of going home. You knew that Sam got the afternoon off today, and you were planning on spending time with him this morning, but now you have no desire to see his face.

By the time the game rolls around you do your pregame checks and ensure everyone is ready to go. Once puck drops you can relax, your job is done until the end. 

The jackets win 5-3 and you join the boys for a quick celly in the lockers before you need to get back to your office and prep for the boys post-game checkups. Cam is first, wanting to check his shoulder quickly before going to his family. When the next person arrives you’re surprised.

“Pl, Were you scheduled with me?”

“No,” he says. He’s panting a bit, like he ran here, “Boone’s on his way, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you.” 

You just cock your head at him in confusion.

He walks closer to you, getting closer. You know you should back away, create space between the two of you, but you don’t want to. You let him get closer until hes inches away from you, let him hold your hands in his. 

“I mean,” he leans close enough for you to feel his breath on your face, “I’m here if you ever want to...talk.” 

You think he’s going to lean in all the way and kiss you. Do the one thing you’ve thought about since you first saw him, but he pulls away when he’s centimetres away from your lips.  He starts walking to the door, and you’re calling out to him before you can stop yourself.

“Pierre,” you call, “I’m parked in the employee parking garage, by the lamppost.  Meet me by my car, I’ll be 20 minutes, 30 tops.” 

He gives you a small smile and a nod before he leaves. You lean against the desk to take some deep breathes to control yourself. Sam was basically your ex at this point. Spending the night with Pierre wasn’t cheating if you were going to break up with him right after, right? All these thoughts keep running through your head until you hear Boone knock at the door. 

~~~ 

When you get out to the parking lot Pl is inside of his car, now pulled next to yours. He drove a spacious SUV - which might have been odd considering he was single with no kids, but perfect for your plans. When he sees you he steps out of the car. 

As soon as you get near him you fist his jacket and pull him down to kiss you. He’s taken aback at first, but kisses you back with the same passion, pushing you back against his car. You reach behind you, fumbling until you can feel the door handle, and falling inside. His car is, thankfully, warm and the backseat provides enough space for your plans.

Once Pl is settled underneath you, you lean down to kiss him again, gripping the short hairs on the back of his neck. 

“Fuck,” he grunts when you grind down on his lap, “You’re so fucking hot. I’ve wanted to do this since I’ve met you.” 

He leans up, kissing your neck. He trails down and unbuttons your dress shirt on his way down. You grind down on his thigh again you stop him.

“Take off your pants,” you command, “I’ve been horny for hours, I just want your dick.” 

He laughs but undoes his belt, but faulters when he starts on his zipper, “Fuck, do you have a condom?” 

You pull one from your jacket pocket, “I swiped one from the supply closet.”

“Those are in there?” He asks as he takes the packet from you.

“I dont buy the supplies, I just use them.” 

He gets the condom on and holds your hips while you lower yourself on. You let a deep breath as he bottoms out.

“Fuuuck,” you moan, “Your dick is so big, you’re going to have to give me a minute.” 

“Take all the time you need,” he murmurs as he kisses your neck. He notices the way you moan when he kisses behind your ear so he does it again, scraping his teeth against it. His fingers rub along your hips as you star to rock back and forth. 

You clench around him and he has to dig his nais into his palm to get a grip on reality again. He thrusts up to meet your hips, taking control back and setting the pace. He sets a quick pace, both of you too wound to take your time. Your hand comes down to brace yourself on the seat next to him. Your hair falls in your face, he reaches up to move it so he can lean up to kiss you. 

He reaches between you to circle your clit. You moan, the sound muffled by his kiss. 

“Pierre,” you moan as you feel that familiar pressure building up, “Don’t stop, please.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it baby,” he says.

A few thrusts later you’re cumming with a scream, biting down on Pl’s shoulder to muffle the noise. You fall limp against him, letting fuck you until he follows. You stay in the backseat, breathing heavy, lying against Pierre as you try to collect yourselves. 

“You know,” Pierre says as after a few moments, “I thought you were just going to invite me for drinks.”

You laugh as you pull away from him, giving him a quick peck, “So was this as good as drinks?”

“Way, way better,” he says leaning up to kiss you again. 

You make out for a few more minutes before you decide leaving is absolutely mandatory. You put his number in your phone before you finally get on the road to your apartment. 

On the drive there you start to feel guilty. Sam never treated you wrong before, was always a god boyfriend - minus the last month. But you decided it was poetic; he thought you were cheating on him with pl but you only did because he was an ass. 

When you get home he’s sleeping on the couch with your puppy in his arms, the TV playing quietly in the background. There’s some take out containers on the coffe table in front of him.

You grab the remote from under him, walking him up.

“Hey,” he says quietly when he recognizes you, “you’re home late.”

“Yeah, Boone’s hip took more time than anticipated,” you lie smoothly, “And I swear I kept my hands to myself.”

He presses his mouth into a thin line, “Fuck, I’m sorry about that.”

You roll your eyes as you move to pet your puppy but he catches your hand and looks at you with remorse, “I mean it. I don’t know what’s gotten into me these past few weeks. I’m so so sorry. When you didn’t show up for lunch today I realized I’ve been such a stupid jerk.”

“Yeah, you have been,” you say, fully intending to tell him off but something stops you when you look a him. 

“No I mean it, I’m sorry,” he says as he grabs your hand, “I really hope you can forgive me. I was stupid and jealous and I was acting way out of line.” 

You have to take a deep breath.

“Let’s put it past us, okay? let’s just move on. I know you’d never cheat on me, and I’d never cheat on you.”

“Okay.”

His face lights up, “Really?”

You nod your head, “I’m willing to give this another shot if you are.”

You bite your lip nervously as he pulls you in for a hug. He pulls you on top of his lap to give you a kiss and your muscles start to feel heavy with guilt. He starts to deepen the kiss but you have to pull away. 

“Sam, baby, I’d love to but I’m really tired. I’ve had an extremely long day.”

He nods his head standing up and pulling you with him, “Of course, let’s go to bed.” 

You plug your phone into the charger when you notice you have one message notification. 

Pierre: Tonight was fun, but let me take you on a date so we can do it again 

[genevievemd]

Taking The Next Step

A/N: So I posted a bit of dialogue the other day and asked if you wanted a fic from it and you said yes so here we are. 

Not my best work but I wanted to get it out before the new chapter incase this no longer works after its out. It’s really more of a wordy headcanon/written scene than an actual fic. So bear that in mind as your reading. But whatever yolo right? (is yolo still a thing?) Enjoy these two idiots in love

This is set in the future, post book 2 and we’re going to assume that either Leland Bloom helps save the hospital or something magical happens with the state budget and Edenbrook ends up not closing and everything is fine. 

Pairing: Ethan Ramsey x MC (Geneveive McClure) 

It’s been a day from hell, the new interns nearly killed a patient,  Ethan’s hit a wall with his own case, and to make it worse barely seen Genevieve since they left his apartment that morning. 

Though a small part of him is grateful for their conflicting schedules. He plans on asking her to move in with him tonight and his nerves are getting the best of him. His mind running with a million different ways to ask her, with both his own ideas and those given to him by Dr. Trinh.

Ethan wanders the halls until he finds Genevieve. Finally finding her at the nurses station, talking animatedly with Marlene. She looks exhausted, and if Ethan wasn’t positive that he’d lose his nerve if he didn’t ask her tonight, he would wait. 

He comes up behind her, kissing her head only half aware of the smirk they get from Marlene as she leaves the desk.  

“Hi,” Genevieve leans back just the slightest bit before turning around and wrapping her arms around his waist. 

“Long day?” Ethan brushes a few pieces of hair behind her ear, letting his fingers linger on her cheek. 

“The longest and I still have 3 more hours.” Her head falls against his chest, sighing heavily. 

“If you’re feeling up to it, I thought perhaps you’d let me take you to dinner tonight. I have something I’d like to discuss with you.” 

She pulls back suddenly, eyes filled with confusion and worry. “Why does that statement make me feel like you’re about to take me to dinner only to then tell me you want to break up.” 

“I assure you, G, it’s nothing of the sort.” 

“Mhm,” Genevieve narrows her eyes, still suspicious “The last time you called me ‘G’ was right before you told me you had to go to Dallas for two weeks to help with a patient and subsequently miss my parents visit.” 

He remembers now, why he hasn’t used that nickname in months. Because every time he does, she brings that particular situation up. Ethan pinches the bridge of his nose with a sigh. “Is it a yes or no to dinner?” 

“It’s a yes, obviously.” She smiles. “Just know, I’m still suspicious of your intentions.”

“For Christ’s sake.” 

“You know you love me.”

“Sometimes I question why.” 

She leans up to kiss his cheek, “Meet you out front or do I have time to go home and change before dinner?”

“I’ll pick you up at your place. 7:30?” His eyes soften the slightest bit. 

“Perfect.” Genevieve leans up to give him a quick kiss before turning to walk away “I’ll wear that gold dress you love.” 

He hums with approval, grabbing a chart from the desk. 

Genevieve turns around when she’s half way down the hall, giving him a playful smirk “Just incase you do break up with me I want you to remember what you’ll miss.” She laughs loudly as Ethan rolls his eyes and shakes his head. 

“You’re impossible, you know that, Rookie?”

“Another reason why love me, Dr. Ramsey.” She blows him a kiss from down the hall and he can’t help but laugh. 

-------------------------

They make it to the restaurant on time, seated at a table in the back. She kept her promise of wearing the gold dress, the one that shows just enough skin to drive him wild. She’s radiant under the dim lighting of the restaurant. 

They share stories of their day, make jokes over the appetizers. He can see that she’s itching to know what it is that he wants to discuss, her impatience bubbling to the surface with every passing minute. Ethan finds it quite cute. 

His nerves are getting the better of him, though. His foot taping every so slightly on the restaurant floor. She’s the only thing that could ever make him this nervous, no patient or case has ever made him feel as uneasy as Genevieve. 

Once the dinner plates have been cleared and he’s had enough glasses of scotch to soothe his nerves, Ethan slides a velvet box across the table towards Genevieve. 

She looks at him with a tilt of her head, picking up the small box. “What’s this?” 

“Open it.” 

She gives him a playful smile as she pulls out a small key and holds it up. “Is this supposed to be, like, the key to your heart?” She sing songs, eyes twinkling in the candle light. 

“No.” Ethan clears his throat, wishing he had asked for a refill of scotch when he had the chance.  “You don’t need a key to that.” 

Genevieve gives him a sweet smile then looks back at the key. “Okay so then what is it?” 

“A key to my apartment.” 

“I already have a key to your apartment” 

“Right, well, it’s- a symbolic gesture.” 

She gives him a questioning look, he can see the wheels turning in her head. He wonders for a long moment if maybe he should’ve gone with his simple idea of just asking her outright instead of using Sienna’s idea of a, quite possibly, overly romantic gesture.

He sees the moment it clicks, her mouth falling open just the slightest bit. Looking quickly between him and the key. A look of pure adoration engulfs her gorgeous face. And if nothing else, all the hassle of tonight was worth it just to see that look on her face.

“Wait, Ethan, are you trying to ask me to move in with you?” 

“Yes.” 

She’s looking at him like he’s a puppy that just brought the newspaper in for the first time. It’s entirely too cute and mildly infuriating. 

“Stop.” 

“You’re adorable.” Her giggle is infectious, making it hard for him to keep a straight face.

“I am not.” 

Genevieve gets up from her chair, walking quickly around the table to Ethan.  He moves his own chair back as she sits in his lap, placing a hand on her thigh as she drapes her arm around his neck. “You did all this just to ask me to move in with you?” 

“It was Sienna’s idea. I hadn’t intended to make it such a grand affair, but she told me it had to be romantic.”  

She brings her hand up to caress his face, eye’s shining even brighter than before. “You really love me, don’t you?” 

“Unfortunately.” 

She smacks his arm playfully before bending to kiss him. He holds her there for bit longer than he should, cradling the back of her head. 

Genevieve gets up from his lap once they’re both aware that their little display is attracting an audience. 

“So is that a yes to moving in with me?” He asks her once she’s back in her seat.

“Of course it is.” They share a look, Genevieve takes a sip of wine before smiling teasingly “It seems only logical, I’m there most nights anyway. I already have a drawer and a shelf in the bathroom. Might as well make it official.” 

“That was my thinking.” 

“Nothing romantic about it, strictly for practical reasons.” 

“Exactly.” He sees her smirk over her wine glass, eyes filled with mirth. “I do love you, Genevieve.”

“I know.” She reaches across the table to take his hand. “I love you too.” They stare at each other lovingly before Genevieve lets out a small giggle. “Wait till Naveen hears about this.” 

“Christ, I’m never going to hear the end of his ‘I told you so’s” 

“Oh, Never.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

a/n: i’m sorry this is trash, i really tried to give you guys a legit fic but I just could not for the life of me get it out. So Sorry fam jam, I hope this is enough for you. 

Taglist: 

@queencarb, @overwhelminglyaquarius, @me-and-my-choices, @schnitzelbutterfingers, @crazy-loca-blog, @a-crepusculo, @drakewalkerfantasy, @ohchoices, @adrex04, @udishaman, @drariellevalentine, @custaroonie, @archxxronrookie, @terrm9, @maurine07

I promise to make it up to you all with an actual fluffy and cute fic soon.

[flipmeforward]

mrs. poindexter (dex/nursey, pg-13)

WARNING: contains marriage proposal. the whole thing is soft af. inspired by this post on instagram. link to ao3.

Derek doesn’t see the actual invite until the night before the event. When he does see it, he’s pretty sure Dex has kept it away from him for fear of him going all Shitty on the institution that is Dex’s new employer, and okay, that’s fair, but it also makes him sort of ... nervous?

“How fancy is this thing?” Derek asks on Monday night. They’re on the couch, as usual, Dex is flipping through TED talks and Derek is laying down with his head in Dex’s lap, reading a book that’s turning out to be increasingly boring and badly written. Dex has one hand tangled in Derek’s hair, absentmindedly scratching his scalp. Derek’s thoughts are drifting.

“Hm?” Dex says.

“This thing on Saturday. How fancy is it? Like, what’s the dress code?”

Dex had told him a few weeks ago that they’d been invited to a function at the university, that they were both free according to their calendars, and that he’d intended to RSVP yes, unless Derek had any objections? Which Derek didn’t. Dex’s had his doctorate for a couple of years now, they’ve attended a fair amount of academic functions and events, Derek is used to them. This is their first one at Columbia, though, so he wants to make sure they follow proper etiquette, to not draw even more attention to the fact that they’re two men. It shouldn’t be an issue, but like, better safe than sorry, in this case.

“Black tie, I guess?” Dex says, frowning down at him. “Why?”

“Yeah, but is it like, strict black tie, don’t even think about wearing pink socks, or is it like, creative black tie?” Derek very much hopes it’s the latter, because Dex looks so good with the forest green tie.

“Babe, I don’t know.”

“Can you check? I just need to know if I need to, like, cut my hair.” He’s growing it out, and it’s already long enough to put in a ponytail.

Dex’s grip on his hair hardens. “Don’t you dare,” a warning in his voice. Derek smirks up at him.

“Chill. I won’t. But just--”

“Yeah, I’ll check.”

Derek is satisfied with that, and returns to his book.

*

On Friday, the night before, Dex has his D&D night, so Derek does his goodnight sweep of the apartment alone; checks that all the windows are closed and locked, all the lights are turned off. He hesitates in the doorway of the office/library/guest/glorified storage room. Dex is not a neat freak by any means, but he does keep his desk immaculate, so when there’s an envelope on it, it’s pretty hard to miss. It looks fancy.

Derek picks it up, and it’s not until his second read that he even catches it.

Dr. and Mrs. William Poindexter

It’s a mistake, Derek knows it, it’s a sloppy copy paste error because they’ve used the same template a million times, but it is also sort of rude. They’re not even married (yet), so the whole thing just feels awfully presumptuous, and Derek understands why this particular invite hasn’t been tacked to the fridge like usual. They will get married. Probably. There’s just been--Dex’s PhD, Derek’s teaching certificate, Derek trying to properly get control over his anxieties, time has just ... passed. But Derek at least lives with the assumption that they will get married. One day.

He puts the envelope back, goes to bed, and doesn’t say anything about it when Dex gets home and crawls into bed next to him.

*

Luckily, the dress code is more creative than formal, and Derek would be ashamed of how much he stares at Dex if he wasn’t so incredibly handsome.

“You have to stop,” Dex mutters under his breath the fifth time he catches Derek staring at him in as many minutes.

“Why? I’m your wife, I’m allowed,” Derek says with a smirk. Dex starts rolling his eyes but stops halfway through the motion and stares sharply at Derek.

“What?”

“You left the invitation on your desk,” Derek says and presses a light kiss to Dex’s cheek, a reassuring I’m not mad about this and won’t make a scene gesture.

“I corrected them when I RSVP’d, and they apologized,” Dex says anyway, eyeing Derek sort of warily.

“Good. Oh, can I read the email? Would Shitty be proud of it?”

“Shitty would be embarrassed about how polite I was, but Shitty isn’t in a queer relationship and doing his first six months at Columbia, so I don’t really care.”

Derek grins at him. “I love you,” he says, aware that he’s probably looking like a lovesick puppy.

“You’re ridiculous,” Dex replies, but gives him a kiss. “Come on, I want you to meet the guys I work with,” he says and takes Derek’s hand and starts guiding him through the room.

“You gonna introduce me as your wife?”

“Yes, because that would make perfect sense after talking about my boyfriend for the past two months,” Dex agrees, rolling his eyes again.

“Oh, so you talk about your boyfriend at work, but not your wife? Rude,” Derek says, just as they arrive in front of a group of people who seem to know Dex. They get a couple of raised eyebrows, and Dex glares at him.

“Derek, these are my coworkers. Guys, this is Derek, the idiot I’m dating.”

“Dating, William, really?” Derek scoffs. “We’ve been living together for ten years, and you haven’t taken me out on a date since my birthday, which was in February. That hardly classifies as dating. Hi,” he adds, addressing the group with a smile.

Dex shakes his head in exasperation, but lets it go. Derek squeezes his hand in thanks.

*

“I wouldn’t mind, you know,” Derek mumbles sleepily when they’re seated on the subway home, hours later. He’s a bit buzzed on wine and champagne, but he’s not drunk. He wants to rest his head on Dex’s shoulder but he’s too tall for that to actually be comfortable, so he settles for leaning close, probably preens a little when Dex slides an arm around his waist.

“Wouldn’t mind what?” Dex asks.

“Being your wife,” Derek says. He feels Dex go completely still against him, and when he turns to look at him, all the leftover amusement from the champagne buzz has left him and he’s staring at Derek with a Very Serious face.

“What?” Dex says, and Derek can’t tell if he’s just confused or if he’s also mad. Derek is wide awake now, at least. He opens his mouth to say something, but he can’t figure out what.

“What?” he settles on, echoing it back.

“I--Derek, are you proposing, on the subway, using the words I wouldn’t mind?”

Derek is about to protest, but then he thinks back, and realizes that he may, in fact, have been proposing. Sort of.

“No?” he tries, anyway. Dex’s only response is a single raised eyebrow. Okay. “But also kind of yes? Sorry?”

Dex sighs, puts his other arm around Derek as well and hugs him, tight. “You’re a fucking idiot,” he says.

“That’s not an answer,” Derek observes. He’s not too worried, though. The situation doesn’t feel like a No.

“You technically didn’t ask a question,” Dex says. He lets Derek go and settles back, one arm still around Derek’s waist. “And besides, if I don’t answer, we can pretend this didn’t happen, and you can get a do-over. I refuse to have C chirp me for this for the rest of our lives.”

“C has zero chirping rights when it comes to proposals,” Derek says indignantly. “He didn’t even propose, Cait found the ring in his fucking sock drawer!”

“Do you even have a ring?” Dex counters, which shuts Derek up, but that’s also partly because they’ve reached their stop and need to get off.

Neither of them says anything until they’re up on the street. It’s cold, and Derek forgot his gloves, so he puts one hand in his coat pocket and grabs Dex’s hand with the other.

“Will,” Derek says after a few seconds, which makes Dex stop. Derek is suddenly extremely nervous, even though he knows, with every logical bone in his brain (whatever), that he has nothing to worry about. “When I get a ring, and ask you for real ... are you gonna say yes?”

Dex tugs him so close that their chests are touching. With the hand not holding Derek’s, he cups his cheek and kisses him, sweetly. “Yes, Derek,” he says, softly, privately. “I’m gonna say yes.”

fin~

[blazerina]

Surprise (Ethan x MC)

Surprise (Ethan x MC)

Word Count: 4,962 (omg that’s a lot)

Author’s Note: Okay so this is my “mature Ethan & Allie AU” where they’re already married and have been together for a little while. It eludes to some of my other Ethan & Allie stories a little bit and sets the scene for another more angsty Ethan & Allie story I plan to write soon.  I had no idea how to end this so I’m sorry if the ending stinks. Hope this brings some joy to you as you read it – thank you to all of you for your support and encouragement regarding my stories.

**This story is dedicated to @noboundariesplease who became my 800th follower a few weeks ago!!**

@parkerattano @justanotherrookie @mrswalkerwritesagain – thanks for being my fandom besties!

A few of you asked to be tagged when I posted this story so here you go:

@unusualvisionsblog @itstaygs @ethandaddyramsey @x-kyne-x @flyawayboo

Some of you liked my message about this story coming soon so I thought I’d tag you too – hope that’s okay: @queencarb @schnitzelbutterfinger @liam-kostas-wife  @keepcreative @lion-ess24 @lifeof-liv @rookieinbflat @imonlyalittledeadinside @desmaranj @havenofearoficecoldbeer

Love and hugs peace to all of you!! xoxo

--

Ding dong.

The echo of the doorbell rang out among the small, empty foyer of the two-story home that Ethan and Allie shared, just outside of Boston.  Allie was in the master bathroom, her hair in large rollers, putting the finishing touches on her makeup; mascara wand in hand.

Waiting a moment to hear if Ethan opened the door, Allie let out a sigh and rested her hand on the edge of the counter in exasperation.

“Ethan? You gonna get that?!” She hollered.

The doorbell rang again at the same moment Allie went back to applying her mascara.

“Ethan!” She yelled again, tightening the belt on her robe.

Ethan’s head popped into view behind her in the mirror. Leaning in from the doorway with the phone glued to his ear, he silently mouthed the words I’m on the phone.

Rolling her eyes, Allie put the mascara down and went quickly to the door.  A delivery man was standing on the doorstep, holding a basket full of cookies, with several colorful balloons attached.

After signing for the package and offering her thanks, Allie went immediately to the kitchen. Ethan was sitting at the table, still on the phone, looking out the window into their backyard.

“For you…” Allie smiled, placing the basket in front of him as he turned around.  

He rolled his eyes and looked for a card.  After reading it quickly, he tossed it aside, rolling his eyes again. Allie could hear the voice on the other end of the phone. This person was clearly frazzled, rambling on and talking at a rapid pace.

“I will not apologize for your lack of planning, Douglas. I have already been waiting two days beyond the deadline I originally gave you…you’re testing my patience and I already don’t have much…”

While Ethan continued on the phone, Allie poured him a glass of iced tea and set it down on the table in front of him, giving him a soft kiss on the cheek.

Ethan reached for her hand and kissed the back of it silently, looking up at her through his glasses with tired eyes.

Allie smiled and started walking backwards.  Making sure she had Ethan’s attention, she mimed at her wrist, tapping it as if a watch was there.  

“We need to go soon…” she reminded him, quietly.

Ethan nodded and then shooed her out of the room as his conversation increased his frustration.

“And I’m telling you that I will not have a diagnosis until I get those results…”

--

Allie and Ethan had been married almost 16 years now.  Their relationship had weathered many storms at this point, but their connection to one another had never been stronger or deeper. Looking at the pictures in frames throughout their house one could see how their own love and affection for one another had grown. In the pictures from their first days of being together, their eyes sparkled and glistened. Photos from their small and intimate wedding ceremony showed true joy and happiness in their smiles. As the years wore on, they included other family in their pictures, pictures of Jenner alone in a field of wildflowers, and another new puppy, Chief. Nieces and nephews and cousins galore adorned the walls and shelves of their home. In each more recent picture of their life, their eyes were just as sparkling, smiles just as happy, but their faces older and wiser, and maybe a little more tired.

The couple had been through a lot together; it seemed as though from day one they would have more than their fair share of trials and tribulations.  But through it all they managed to come out stronger with more love, devotion and appreciation for one another than either of them thought possible.

Allie was keeping an eye on the time, her stomach a bundle of nerves.  She was working hard to ensure her lipstick looked just right, while also checking every other little detail of her makeup in the mirror.

Tonight need to be as close to perfect as possible.

Downstairs, Ethan furiously ended his call and slammed his phone down on the table with more force than he intended.  He glanced quickly at the ridiculous basket and balloons, muttered a curse word under his breath and checked the time on the wall clock in the kitchen. He quickly realized he was running late and took the stairs two at a time to get changed.

Allie heard him enter their walk-in closet and called out to him.

“All done with that phone call?”

“I am.” Ethan responded, scanning his suit jackets for the one he had in mind.

“I cannot believe you made me go to the door in my robe with my hair in these curlers!” She teased, securing an earring in place.

“You can’t honestly believe that I was going to fall for that…” Ethan scoffed, talking to her through the closet as he began to change.

“Fall for what?” Allie asked, spraying perfume on her wrists and neck.

“Allie…” His tone came across as though he was admonishing her.

“I learned my lesson! I promised you that I would never, ever in the rest of our time together, try to surprise you with anything for your birthday ever again.”

“Well forgive me for being worried that someone dressed as a teddy bear or something equally as cliché and silly, was going to jump out from behind the bushes with a song and some chocolate. You’re very unpredictable, you know.”

“And you love it.” Allie retorted.

A few moments of silence passed between the two of them as Allie made her way to the closet, too. They danced around each other a few times, Ethan reaching here to grab a tie, Allie wandering over to her shoe selection, trying to decide which ones she wanted to wear.

Her eyes scanned the footwear choices before her and she mentally calculated the pros and cons of each, tilting her head in an analytical fashion, her eyes squinting as she thought to herself.

“You still have the curlers in?” Ethan questioned, almost completely dressed now, with the exception of his tie and jacket.

“I told you, I take them out at the very…last…second…” Allie reached for a pair of shoes as Ethan stopped her.

“Wear those instead…” He nodded in the direction of one shelf above the pair Allie was going for.

“Those are old!” She insisted. “You only like these because I was wearing them two years ago on our anniversary when we went to the opera and ate at the one place with the great steak and scotch – I can’t remember the name but you loved it…”

“So what if I did? It was a lovely evening and those shoes bring back good memories.”

“Maybe for you…” Allie’s eyes grew wide as she remembered the blisters they created on the heels of her feet.

She grabbed them anyway and gave him a sly grin.

“The things we do for love.”

After laying out her dress and shoes, she returned to the bathroom and started taking her hair down. Ethan was now sitting on the end of the bed, putting his shoes on, but stopped to watch her, mesmerized by her beauty.

He could only see her reflection in the mirror from the angle at which the bed was to the entrance of their master-bath, but he still couldn’t stop his own breath from catching in the back of his throat. Not a day passed when he didn’t wake up and consider himself the luckiest man on the planet.

Sure, time had weathered them both in certain ways – physically they both had more wrinkles and gray hair; but emotionally they had grown, developed and matured in their desire for one another and their need to rely on each other through all that life had thrown their way.

Ethan was not looking forward to the dinner they were attending tonight.  Allie was the magnetic one – the woman who could make the cashier at the grocery store feel like she had known her forever. Allie was the one everyone wanted to be friends with and the so-called friends the couple did have, were only tolerant of Ethan. They were really friends with her, and he knew it. She had so much that he didn’t. He was in awe of her and admired her more than she was aware.

Allie’s long reddish-brown hair tinted now with a few streaks of gray, fell from each roller, across her shoulders and down her back. The soft tendrils were exactly the way she hoped they’d be – not too tight but not too loose.  She was actually pleased with the way her look was coming together tonight. She then reminded herself that she needed to hurry.

Ethan finished putting his shoes on and straightened himself up.

“All right, I think this is as good as I’m going to get so I’ll wait downstair—”

“Wait – could you help me with my dress please?” Allie pleaded, exiting the bathroom and stepping into the closet, then emerging again with the dress already on.

She swooped her hair to one side and turned around in front of Ethan, a silent request for him to zip up the garment.

He could smell her perfume. The same perfume she had been waring for years. The scent that would forever and always remind him of her.

Without saying a word, he slowly closed the dress, his rough calloused fingers grazing across her smooth, silky skin. He lightly kissed the exposed side of her neck while running his hands up and down both of her arms. She turned around to face him and smiled.

“Please, darling. Promise me. Promise me tonight is just a dinner, our closest friends, a simple night out and NOT a birthday celebration.” His tone was soft but serious.

“You are really worried about this aren’t you?” Allie arched an eyebrow moving closer to him, her lips almost touching his.

“Allie.” Ethan sighed, eyes closing briefly. “I just don’t like surprises.  My birthday is on a Tuesday which won’t be ‘fun enough’ for you, so I’m just worried you’re trying to plan something and make it amazing. You always have good intentions, but I never react appropriately and then I feel guilty and people are watching…”

She interrupted his stream-of-consciousness speech with her lips on his. It took him a moment to kiss her back, but he quickly melted into her touch on instinct.

“I promise I have not planned a birthday-related surprise for tonight. Relax.”

He let out a shaky breath and nodded.

“Okay then.”

“Now go get in the car, I have to reapply my lipstick already, thanks to you.” She swatted his behind as he walked away and he chuckled to himself, slightly relieved.

--

“This is where we’re eating?” Ethan questioned as valet circled the car and helped Allie out of the vehicle.

“Dr. Ramsey, Dr. Valentine – we’ve been waiting for you. Right this way.” An older woman with gentle eyes and white hair led the couple through the lobby of a very fancy hotel.

Ethan felt like everyone was watching them, but he stayed focused on trying to calm his own nerves. He wanted to trust Allie and not be paranoid about some crazy birthday plan, but he couldn’t help himself.

Allie held his hand and smiled at everyone that passed by.  Her heart was beating fast too.  Ethan could feel the pulse in her wrist as he clutched onto her for dear life.

“Ethan…” She whispered, “Are you okay?”

He didn’t respond, his gaze fixed ahead of him, following the woman to a huge ballroom full of banquet tables. When the doors opened Ethan felt light-headed. Not one seat was empty.

Music was playing and there was a stage set up at the front of the room. The room was beautifully decorated and whoever planned whatever event Ethan found himself attending, obviously spared no expense. People had just begun to eat their plated dinners. It seemed as though a few less people paid attention to him now that he was safely inside the room.

His emotions were a mixture of relief and confusion.  

Allie’s voice coaxed him out of his own thoughts.

“See?! Told ya. Nothing birthday related!” She kept hold of his hand and led him to a table closer to the front, where two seats had clearly been reserved for them.

Naveen and Harper were already at the table along with the chairman of Edenbrook’s Board of Director’s and the President of the hospital.

“I was wondering how late you’d be tonight, Ethan.  The table was taking bets before you walked in with this lovely young woman on your arm. Does Allie know?”

Ethan pulled the chair out for Allie and relaxed a little more, now that he was around familiar faces. He still didn’t quite have any idea what was going on.

“Ha-ha.” Allie chimed in sarcastically, leaning over to Naveen and kissing him on the cheek.

“Lovely to see you all this evening – thank you for coming.” She added.

“No, my dear, thank YOU for making this event possible.” The chairman spoke up, nodding towards Ethan.

“If it weren’t for Dr. Valentine, we’d only see Ramsey here walking the halls of the hospital day and night. He’d have no real life to speak of!” Naveen teased.

As the table made feeble attempts at small talk with one another, people would come up to Ethan every so often and shake his hand or clap him on the back, telling him how good it was to see him here or offering their most sincere congratulations. Ethan tried his best to be polite but was quite frankly starting to get a little annoyed. He was hungry and irritable and already wanted to be left alone.

He always felt so awkward and out of place at these things.  He never knew what to say or precisely how to act. Charming people and making idle conversation with them was not his strong suit. It was entirely out of his comfort zone. And what was worse, tonight, he clearly was already supposed to know what event he was attending or at the very least what was going on, however, he really had no clue.

Obviously there was no way that the Dr. Ethan Ramsey was about to admit to a table full of his medical peers, that he did not know what was happening or exactly what they were gathered together to celebrate tonight. To appear as though he had no answers was the worse possible fate he could imagine.

“Allie…” he whispered sweetly into her ear, placing his hand on her upper thigh, below the table.

“What exactly is going on? Help me out here…”

“Allie! I feel as though it has been forever since I’ve seen you!” Harper gushed, clearly, she had already had a few drinks and was feeling quite conversational.

“It has been!” Allie engaged with her but then quickly responded to Ethan between talking with Harper and the rest of the table.

“You’ll see.” She pecked him quickly on the lips leaving him stunned and puzzled. He could not for the life of him figure out what any of this had to do with him.

Allie knew he’d never ask anyone else at the table what was going on. She had him right where she wanted him. He knew it too and he hated her for it.

As hard as he tried not to get mad, he felt anger rising in his chest. He always struggled when he didn’t feel in control. When two plus two didn’t add up to be four, he had a very difficult time adjusting. Everyone was being nice to him, everyone seemed to be enjoying themselves.

Was this some kind of party?

Ethan took a few shallow breaths and pushed through, talking to those around him and grasping for Allie every chance he got, in a respectful and not attention-seeking way. Little touches here and there left her connected to him. She was what kept him grounded and he needed her desperately tonight.

He was continuing to get old. He saw it in the mirror as it reflected his own face every single day. This birthday coming up was just another reminder of how much life had been lived. The depth of the few relationships he had and the stark reminder of what he lacked, always hit him square on, around this time of year. Birthdays were not and never would be his favorite.

Dramatically, he began thinking of how betrayed he felt by Allie. She had duped him once again and led him on. How could she promise him she hadn’t done anything when clearly this whole thing had been executed flawlessly? She was too smart. She knew he wouldn’t blow up on her here, in front of people.  

He then began looking around at the decorations, the food, the stage, this lavish hotel he’d only been in once before, and the dollar signs began adding up in his mind. Now suddenly worried about how much she had spent on this over-the-top soiree, he needed to excuse himself and go get some air.

He slowly released his grasp on Allie’s hand, and sheepishly removed himself from the table.

“Ethan, no. Sit down. You can’t…you can’t leave right now.” Allie smiled as she instructed him, but her tone was serious.

“Alexandra, what in God’s name is going on? This is ridiculous that I cannot even…” Ethan was interrupted by a man on stage and he quickly took his seat, not wanting to make a scene.

Through clenched teeth, he leaned over to Allie once again.

“You promised me.” He hissed, beginning to seethe with anger. He thought after all this time she would know him better than this.

“Is a slideshow of my life going to start playing soon? Clowns and confetti coming through in a second? All these people?! Allie, come on!”

“Hush.” She put a finger to his lips, remaining calm. “Pay attention.”

“…it is with that in mind that we take time tonight to pay honor to a man who really needs no introduction…”

“Is that the Governor of Massachusetts?”  Ethan gawked. “You got the governor…”

“Put these on.” Allie slid his glasses over to him with a smile. “Yes, that’s the governor. Now hush and listen.”

Ethan was totally put out at this point, but put his glasses on and sat back in his chair. He was frustrated. His leg was bobbing up and down unconsciously. He had nervous energy. He wanted to leave. He wanted to get up and run out the door. He mentally noted the exits in the room. How fast could he make it? He was a little sore from his run earlier this morning but with this much adrenaline, surely, he could…

“Leading the nationally renowned diagnostics team at Edenbrook hospital has been the bulk of his responsibility for the last 25 years. Under his leadership, this team has brought great prestige and esteem to Edenbrook, to Boston and to the Commonwealth of Massachusetts.  Not to mention the incredible notoriety and hundreds of millions of dollars of revenue that we have all benefitted from, due to his excellent work.”

Ethan paused, sitting up straighter, starting to put the pieces together.

“His colleagues from across the country have gathered here tonight to celebrate his contributions to the medical field, but tonight I want to celebrate his contributions to our state and to our community. There will be time for more accolades as the evening continues but first, and foremost, let us celebrate him and hear what he has to say.”

Allie squeezed his hand again, beaming with pride.

“Ladies and gentlemen, it is my distinct honor, pleasure and privilege to be able to introduce you to our guest of honor tonight. Please join me in congratulating this year’s recipient of the Massachusetts Medical Society Lifetime Achievement Award, Dr. Ethan Ramsey of Edenbrook Hospital.

The room erupted in applause with some people whooping and hollering. Immediately everyone sprang to their feet, even Ethan. For a moment he wasn’t sure if he had to go on stage or not, but it became clear that there was an award he needed to accept and most likely a speech that would been expected.

Stunned and feeling as though he was floating on air, he quickly made his way up to the stage, hoping no one could see that his hands were shaking a bit. He shook hands with the governor, took his award in both hands and immediately looked out among the crowd.

Ethan tried to scan the faces, wanting to soak in this moment – he was stunned and still unsure if he was really awake.  While he tried to focus on the faces and really see who it was who had come out to support him, his gaze was instantly drawn to one and only one person in the room.

Allie wiped tears away from her eyes quickly, wanting to keep her emotions at bay. The only thing she felt in this moment was immense pride, and maybe a little bit of satisfaction in pulling this over on her beloved.  Standing and still applauding, she looked up at him in awe. Awe that he was hers. Not that his accomplishments and professional achievements weren’t worthy – but the only thing he was to her in that moment was Ethan. Her husband. The love of her life.

“Please.” Ethan cleared his throat as he spoke into the microphone, both his heart and mind racing.

“This is quite enough, please sit.” He instructed a little more forcefully.  

Allie led the group in finding their seats as a hush fell over the crowd, waiting to hear from the man they were all there to honor.

“I know this will come as a shock to most of you who know me well, especially those who work with me on a daily basis…but I’m finding myself speechless at the moment…”

Ethan chuckled as did the rest of the room.  He bit his lip, locking eyes with Allie and shaking his head, grinning and smirking, a combination of the two.

“I had no idea, absolutely no clue that this was happening tonight. I’m blown away by your support and your presence here tonight. I…uh…” He cleared his throat again, then looked back out into the audience.

He found Allie’s eyes, and also his words again.

“I do not take this award lightly and it truly means so much to me. I don’t know that I like the fact that I’m old enough now to be receiving lifetime achievement awards, but I am grateful, really. I love what I do, I’m fortunate to have a wonderful job that keeps me guessing every single day; really great co-workers, at least most of the time…” Again, the audience laughed.

“I get to teach med students in their first years of residency, and then you know, help save people’s lives. It’s actually surreal that this is the life I get to live.”

Ethan took a deep breath, biting his lip and trying to measure out his next statements carefully.

“As great as all of that is, I know that there is absolutely no possible way for me to be standing before you tonight as the person that I am today, without the love, devotion and care of my wife, Allie Valentine. She’s my Rookie.”

He paused, looking down, one hand finding his heart as he became overcome with emotion. He took several seconds to gather himself, he wanted to stay composed.

“I was actually pretty upset with her tonight for dragging me here and not telling me what the hell was going on. Even though all the things that have been written about me and said about me are true, and my accomplishments have garnered our entire team with a lot of recognition and such, I am most proud of being her husband.

Why she chose to settle down with a grumpy old man like me, I’ll never fully understand…but everything I am and everything I have today is completely because of her faith in me and her ability to make me the best possible version of myself.

When we met, I thought I would be the one teaching her everything she needed to know, but in the end, she has taught me more than I ever taught her.”

Allie’s eyes were filled with tears, she could hardly look at him without feeling as though she was going to burst with pride. She blew him a kiss from her seat and wiped away more tears, not daring to let them fall down her cheeks and ruin the makeup she tried so hard to perfect earlier that evening.

“I feel like I’m Rambling Ramsey up here so I’ll wrap this up - I could go on all night telling you about what Mrs. Ramsey means to me, what this award means to me, but I’ll stop here. Thank you again and please, I want to work the room as they say and thank all of you personally so come find me and…really, sincerely, this means so much to me. Thank you.”

Before he knew it, Ethan was swept away for pictures, people swarming around him, talking to him, handing him scotch after scotch, as it was well-known to be his drink of choice. It felt like at least an hour before he made his way back to Allie. She had just finished speaking with the Governor, when Ethan snuck up behind her.

Immediately, she turned and wrapped her arms around him.  

“Happy Birthday, my love!” She whispered in his ear.

“I cannot believe you did this to me…” He said seriously, looking in her eyes. “I hope you know you’re going to get it when we get home.” Ethan teased.

Laughing, Allie picked her glass of Prosecco from the table and raised it towards him in a mock toast as she wiggled her eyebrows and walked towards the open bar.

“Was already planning on it…” She muttered under her breath as she watched him walk away.

“I heard that…” He called out over his shoulder.

--

Throughout the night each one of them independently visited with people, giving them their sincere thanks and letting them know how meaningful it was to share this evening with them. Every few minutes or so Ethan would find Allie or Allie would find Ethan and they’d give each other a quick squeeze of the hand or a kiss on the cheek as they brushed passed each other and moved on to the next well-wisher.

“I don’t know what she sees in you…” Naveen said to Ethan as he took a swig from a beer bottle, nodding towards Allie who was across the room. “She’s perfect.”

“No doubt about it, I’m the lucky one.” Ethan agreed as Allie sauntered over to the two of them.

“This cannot be good.” She laughed, pointing at them both.  “What are you plotting?”

“You’re the schemer.” Naveen chided. “No one could have pulled this off better, my queen.”

Naveen pretended to bow before her with both arms raised above his head while he bent at the waist.

“Oh stop.” Allie waved him off.

“It looks like this crowd is thinning out and if I stay in these shoes much longer my feet will need to be amputated.”

She leaned on Ethan, stifling a yawn.  

“I know a guy who can help with that…” Naveen offered, finishing his drink.

“You really know how to throw a birthday party!” He added, following Ethan and Allie out to the valet line for the cars.

“It wasn’t a birthday party!” Both Ethan and Allie said in unison, Allie’s brow furrowed in mock anger.

Naveen begged for forgiveness and said his goodbyes while the couple waited for their vehicle to be brought around. As they sunk into the vehicle, beyond tired, Allie immediately kicked off her heels and Ethan loosened his tie. He threw his jacket into the backseat along with Allie’s shoes and rolled down the windows a bit for fresh air.

“Before we get going…” Allie put her hand on his as it rested on the gearshift.

“I know I said no more surprises – but you can’t be mad at me because this technically wasn’t a birthday surprise it was a general surprise and I knew that if you knew they were giving you an award you’d come up with some excuse not to go and I just couldn’t live with myself if you didn’t get a chance to hear all these people tell you how amazing you are because I know you’re amazing and I tell you all the time but sometimes you don’t believe me.”

She stopped to take a quick breath.

“So, I hope that tonight you know just how many people agree with me that you’re incredible – so please, please don’t be mad. I don’t want to ride all the way home with you in silence because I pulled one over on you.”

“Whoa. Allie. Calm down.” Ethan reached out to her and held her face in his hand.

“I’m not mad. It was a great surprise and…”

He reached across the console and kissed her hard, passionately, with so much force that his lips burned her skin.

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” She whispered.

He laced his hand into hers and held it all the way home, staying the way they had been all the years of their relationship and even in little moments all night long…connected, grateful and in awe that somehow, someway they had found each other and were never ever letting go.

[taetaesbaebaepsae]

Heartstrings

A commission for my girl @jooheonbee​!!! It’s SO LONG AND SO SAD

Summary: You’re moving on with your new man, Lee Jooheon, and you’re happy. So why do you keep letting Sehun in?

Warnings: big big angst, Sehun being a brat and a clown simultaneously, unprotected sex, girl on top, it’s emo hours lads

Word Count: 6098

So maybe Sehun gets a little antsy when you tell him things are getting serious with your new squeeze. Maybe it makes his shoulders a little stiff, makes him huff out a breath over the phone.

"So what, you too busy for me now?"

"Yep!" You chirp, and he can't help but smile at your sass.

"Yeah, yeah, call me when you get bored, like always."

"Maybe," you say, coyly, and after he talks you into sending him a sexy selfie he feels a little better.

It's been off and on for years and it isn't like it's the first time you'd met some guy to distract you, take you on real dates (whatever that meant), but you always ended up right back in his arms.

But over the coming weeks you start calling less and less. You start leaving his texts on read. You start posting couple selfies with this Jooheon, and Sehun fucking hates it.

He hates it, but it's still fine, you'll be back, you're always back but when you send him an invite to an engagement party it feels like someone has sucked all the oxygen out of the room.

It's not fine, nothing is fine because suddenly you're all he can think about and he fucked up. He fucked up so bad by assuming you'd always be there, by never telling you how you were the first thing on his mind every morning.

But what can he do now? Your family is flying up for your fucking engagement party, what is he gonna do, make a scene?

Making a scene is exactly what he ends up doing, after the better part of a case of soju and calling you ten times in a row.

Later he thinks that it would've probably been a better plan to not drink the entirety of the day before he makes those calls, before he dresses up and brushes his teeth and pretends to be somewhat sober when Junmyeon drives them all to the party, but he can't think of anything but seeing your face.

It's all okay, for a while. You give him a big smile and hug him, say you hadn't expected him to come.

"Always thought you looked hot in white," he manages with a smirk and you laugh and punch him and then your new man comes over and throws an arm around your shoulder and Sehun grits his teeth through an introduction and thank God there's an open bar.

He ends up in the hall when your fiance makes a speech, hears him talk about how sweet and beautiful you are and all Sehun can think is he doesn't fucking know you.

He doesn't know you drunk, beating on his back when he hauls you out of a bar and then laughing into his mouth when he gets you in the Uber. He doesn't know you messy and angry and crying with mascara running down your cheeks, yelling at him but still so fucking beautiful it makes his chest hurt. He doesn't know you half asleep with your fingers clutched in his shirt, calling him an asshole but swinging a leg over his hip because you can't get close enough.

He's loosening his tie, sitting in the hall with his head between his knees because the room is spinning and he wants to vomit thinking of how you looked up at Jooheon with stars in your eyes when he hears your voice.

He doesn't look at you, keeps his head down because he's this close to losing it, to saying some dumb shit like "I love you, please don't" and he's never said that before and it wouldn't mean anything to you now but he's shaking when you put a hand on his shoulder.

"Sehunnie ...are you okay?"

It's like a fucking dam bursts inside him and fuck, it's too much, it feels like something's clawing inside his chest and you put your fingers in the nape of his hair and that only makes it worse.

"Jagi," he chokes out, and your fingers still in his hair because that's always been a pet name reserved for the wee hours of the morning, after you're both sated and he's kissing along the line of your shoulder, spooned against you.

"I'll get you some water," you say softly, but he clutches at you, at your stupid white dress and he wants to tell you that you'd look better in red but all he manages to do is tuck his head into your shoulder, breathing hard.

"Sehun," you say again, and he hears the concern in your voice but he can't make some smartass remark when everything is breaking inside him.

So he does it. He does the dumb fucking thing he's been telling himself not to do for weeks.

"Y/n...I love you. Don't marry him, yeah?"

He doesn't remember much after that, it's just bits and pieces, just your wide eyes, how you shoved him, called him a fucking idiot and he followed you around like a stray puppy, babbling.

"It's always been you, Jagi. Didn't you know? Always." 

You're covering your ears and crying and your asshole fiance looks like he wants to take a swing at him but he doesn't, even when Sehun shoves him away from you.

Junmyeon drags him out and Sehun remembers crying like a baby and there's snot and tears on his suit jacket the next morning.

"Idiot," Junmyeon mutters, but he doesn't seem mad, helps him to bed, won't give him his phone.

When he tries to call you the next morning, the instant he opens his eyes, you've blocked his number and he hurls the phone against the wall.

*

You're getting married in a month and you can't stop fucking crying.

Oh Sehun is the bane of your fucking existence, has been for years, just a parasite who feeds off your affection and lust and leaves when he wants to, he's never given two shits about you so why did your heart crack straight through when he looked up at you like he was drowning, dark eyes glassy and soft?

Why were you sobbing into Jooheon's chest like someone had died when it's just fucking Oh Sehun being an idiot? 

And Jooheon's so sweet, murmuring comforts into your hair and if the shoe were on the other foot you'd probably be pissed, be anxious that this meant something.

But it doesn't. It doesn't and that's why late that night after a too big glass of wine, you unblock his number.

You don't know what you expect when you send him a text, simple: You okay? As if he'd call you right away but he leaves you on read and your mouth twists in a smile.

That much you were used to.

It's less than half an hour when your doorbell rings and your breath catches in your throat because you know. You know it's him and part of you wants to hide under the covers and pretend you aren't home but your feet carry you to the door anyway.

He looks hungover or maybe still drunk, eyes puffy, but his deep voice is steady and clear, if a bit hoarse. He's still wearing the suit he'd worn to the engagement party, sans jacket, as if he'd slept in it.

"Just wanted to see you."

"Why?" You're standing in the doorway, blocking him from slipping inside.

"Please," he says, and it feels like a punch in the gut, the way his eyes are pleading with you.

You heave a deep sigh and let him in and usually he'd smirk at you, tell you he knew you'd let him in, tease you about it, push you against the wall and try to kiss you, but tonight he just sits down on your couch, looks down at his hands as if he doesn't know what to do with them.

You just stand there, cocking your head at him.

"Sehun." You say his name and you mean it to almost be a warning but when he looks up at you and smiles just a little your heart skips in your chest.

"Y/n... I'm sorry. About the party. I didn't mean to-" he stops, throat working, and runs a hand through his hair.

You don't know what you're feeling exactly, something between relief and disappointment.

"It's okay. You were drunk and we all say shit we don't mean when we're-"

He huffs out a breath and you gasp when he reaches out and grabs you around the waist, tugging you close, and he kisses your belly, right at your waistline and it's oddly sweet when he nuzzles his face into your stomach.

"I didn't say I didn't mean it," he says, voice low and soft, and fuck, this hurts, why does it hurt so fucking much?

You drop a hand into his hair and he sighs, fingers rubbing into the skin of your hips.

"What are you saying?" Your voice is shaking and you hate yourself for even asking. You know you should kick him out but he's grabbing onto you like a lifeline and you can't bring yourself to push him away.

"I'm saying... I'm saying I want you," he lifts your top, murmurs it into your skin, his lips soft against your bellybutton and it sends goosebumps popping up along your flesh.

So much of you wants to give in, wants to melt against him and stop thinking about it, but you keep thinking of Jooheon's dimpled smile, the way he stroked your hair, didn't ask a single question.

You pull away and Sehun makes this distressed sound in the back of his throat.

"You can't do this. I'm getting married in a month."

He swallows hard and his hands are still clutching at your hips. 

"Don't. It's too soon, yeah?"

"It's not your business," you intend for it to be a snap at him but it's weak.

"It should be," he insists. "It should have been my business. You should have been mine."

"You didn't want me." 

He blinks up at you as if you've struck him, stands up, towering over you. "Don't tell me what I want," he says, and it's almost a growl and your heart rate speeds up.

You know he's going to kiss you, you can see it in his eyes and you expect it to be hard and hungry, almost punishing, but it's soft, his hand in your hair, and tears spring to your eyes, unbidden.

You break apart from him and take a few steps back, shaken.

"You...you need to leave."

He shakes his head, frowning, reaching out to you, but you back away.  

"No. No, you can't make me go, Y/n, I...I love you."

You shake your head, taking a deep breath to keep the tears at bay. "Stop. Don't say that. Don't fucking say that, Sehun-"

"I'm in love with you, jagi," he insists, defiantly, taking a step toward you.

You feel too much, panic and longing and guilt and you can't look at him.

"You have to go," you say again, your voice shaking.

"Please don't make me go." His voice breaks and you crack, look up at him and tears stream down his face and your heart aches.

"Have you been drinking?"

"Yes," he says immediately, as if relieved, and maybe he's lying but you can't throw him out, not when he's crying and begging like this.

He's always so put together, even when he's angry and he looks so tired..

"You can sleep on the couch." You don't trust yourself to let him in your bed, don't know if you can resist his touch when you're feeling so raw and vulnerable.

He nods, wipes at his face. "Will you lie with me? Just for a while?"

You look up at him, lip caught between your teeth.

"Please, jagi. If…" He takes a deep breath, sits down on the couch again, and he won't stop looking at you, his eyes dark and wet. "If you're really going to get married, I want to hold you one more time."

So you end up on your couch, and maybe this is worse than the bed would've been because it's close and intimate.

He has one arm tight around your waist and the other cupping your face, dragging his thumb along the tear tracks on your cheek.

He tucks his face into your neck and hitches in a breath. "Please don't let it be too late, yeah?" 

The words are muffled by your skin and he kisses your skin so softly and wraps both arms around you, so tight it almost hurts.

You can't give him an answer, your eyes burning with tears, but he's asleep in just a few moments, breathing deep and even.

When you wiggle out of his arms he whines a little in his sleep, and it makes you smile.

You sit on the edge of the couch for a while, watching the line of his jaw as he sleeps, and thinking about how everything about him hurts you. You cover him with a blanket and head to your room.

You know what you have to do and dread pours over you like a fog when you unlock your phone.

*

"Hey, baby," Jooheon answers on the first ring, and he's already worried, you hadn't answered his good night text and usually he'd call you right away but he knows how upset you were.

"Hey," you say, and your voice is weak and choked with tears.

"Oh, baby. What's wrong?"

You just burst into tears and his chest aches, he wants to throw on his coat and come and get you but he waits, murmuring comforts, until you collect yourself.

"Sehun...Sehun came here and he's staying over on the couch. I just wanted to tell you, I didn't want you thinking something happened-"

The air around him suddenly feels thick and heavy. Something like panic climbs up his throat and he swallows hard.

"Did something happen?" He asks softly, and he can't breathe when you take a beat to answer, his throat closes up to a pinhole.

"He-He kissed me," you whisper, and Jooheon takes in a gulp of air but it doesn't help at all, feels like inhaling broken glass.

He doesn't know what to say. He doesn't know how to feel and he knows he should be angry but he can only think of how you sobbed against his chest, how your face was streaked with tears, and he's quiet for a moment.

"Joo? I'm so sorry, he was drunk and upset and it didn't mean anything-"

"Of course it meant something," he mutters, head spinning like he'd had too much soju.

"Jooheon, please don't-"

He takes in another breath, trying to focus on you, on what you need instead of the ache in his chest.

"It's okay, baby. It's okay, I know...I know you're confused."

"I'm not confused, I love you so much, I just- he just-" you start crying again and Jooheon would give the world to go back in time to twelve hours ago and have Oh Sehun thrown out of the party before he ever said a word to you.

"You need some time, yeah?" He hates how shaky his voice is, how he's fighting everything in him to not beg you to stay with him. "You just need some time to think and you'll... you'll come back to me."

"I don't need time!" You say, almost panicked, and he squeezes his eyes shut.

"Yeah you do, baby. You need to think about what you want, and that's okay." He struggles to stay calm, keep his voice steady.

It's not okay. It's not okay because he can't stop thinking about you in a white dress, how you were smiling so wide until you saw Sehun walk up to you, how your whole face changed. He could see it from across the room. It's not okay because he could feel your longing bleeding all over and it hurt so bad when you'd plastered on a smile that didn't reach your eyes.

"Jooheon, no-"

"Just...just a few days. Everything's okay, Y/n. You'll take a few days and then we'll get back to planning our lives together, yeah?"

You sniffle. "Just a few days?"

"Whatever you need."

"Are you...are you mad at me?"

He can't help but smile. "No, baby. I love you."

"I love you so much," you whisper, and it lessens the tightness in his chest a little.

"Everything's going to be fine," he says, and he wonders if it sounds at all like he believes it.

You agree to go visit your mother for a couple days after more tears and his reassurances, and when Jooheon hangs up he's almost overcome by anger and frustration.

He wants to break something, punch holes into the sheet rock but instead he just lies in bed, staring up at the ceiling in the dark.

*

It's a couple nights later before Jooheon feels anything approaching okay, when he's at Minhyuk's party and he's had a couple of bottles of soju. He's talking to Minhyuk when he sees Oh Sehun from across the room and all the good feelings dissipate.

Minhyuk's eyes widen. "Shit. He must have come with Yeol. I can make him leave-"

Jooheon shakes his head. "It's okay. I'll be fine."

He is fine, mostly, and Sehun looks like shit so that probably means you aren't talking to him either, and he'd be lying if that didn't make him feel a little better.

He drinks a bit more than usual, but given the circumstances, he thinks that's fair. It's a couple hours later that everything goes sideways.

He's in the kitchen, talking to Hoseok about you, when he hears someone scoff.

He looks over and Sehun is sitting on the floor of the kitchen, laughing.

Jooheon rolls his head on his shoulders, trying to shake it off. He turns back to Hoseok, but Sehun's standing up, bracing his hand against the counter, leaning in.

"You think you know her?"

"Hey," Hoseok says, anxious, and Jooheon smiles, gritting his teeth.

"It's fine."

"You don't know shit," Sehun's words are slurred, eyes glassy, and Jooheon knows he shouldn't let it get to him, but his blood is boiling.

"Really? I know she's wearing my ring," he says, tone almost cheery.

Sehun clenches his jaw, stands up straight. "For now."

Jooheon is turning away, he knows he needs to walk away before he does something stupid, when Sehun says, almost conversationally, "You sure you know her? You know she likes it when you choke her when you're fucking her?"

Jooheon stops, facing away from him. "Shut up," he hisses through gritted teeth.

"Oh, so you didn't know? I could give you some tips. You know, for your wedding night. She always comes so hard for me."

It's all a blur after that, just the satisfying thud of his fist, and Sehun's spitting out blood and laughing like a lunatic when Hoseok and Hyunwoo pull Jooheon off him.

Jooheon's split the skin on his knuckles but he doesn't even know he's bleeding until Hyunwoo throws him into a chair on the couch, and when he tries to get up, he presses down on his chest.

"You're getting blood all over the chair, Jooheon, stop!"

Jooheon is brought around by the sharp tone. Hyunwoo rarely raises his voice, and Jooheon looks up at him, breathing hard.

"Just sit still," Hyunwoo says, softly this time, and Jooheon is suddenly fighting tears.

"Fuck," he whispers. "I'm sorry."

Hyunwoo shakes his head. "If that had been my girl he was talking about, it would've taken all of you to pull me off."

Jooheon is surprised into a laugh, and Hyunwoo smiles a bit while Hoseok brings a cloth and some bandages.

"Maybe you should call her," Hoseok offers as Jooheon stops the bleeding.

He shakes his head. "No. I said I'd give her time, and I will. I'll be fine."

Hoseok doesn't look like he believes him.

Jooheon doesn't know if he believes himself.

*

Sehun is still laughing when Chanyeol shoves him into the car.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

Sehun doesn't answer because this is the first time he's felt anything in days. Drinking you away wasn't working, you hadn't answered your phone since you'd shoved him out of your apartment a few mornings ago. So when he was invited out, he jumped at the chance.

Seeing your fiance made rage heat his blood, but it wasn't enough, didn't help the hollow feeling in his chest. But his probably broken nose, his eye swelling, that helped, it was something real, something that hurt, distracted him from thinking of the way you'd slammed the door in his face.

Junmyeon keeps telling him he should be happy that you're taking time to think but Sehun thinks there's nothing to think about.

He knows you, knows you better than anyone else does, better than your fucking fiance, and if you had to think about it maybe that means you're going to marry him and just thinking about it makes him want to puke in Chanyeol's car.

He tries to tell him to pull over but he's dizzy and fading in and out of consciousness and he's almost grateful, he's barely slept in days.

*

You're asleep when the phone rings, and you're disoriented when you answer.

Ten minutes later your heart is in your throat and you're pulling on your clothes.

You feel like you can't breathe until you see him, and Chanyeol had sounded so worried…

It doesn't help to see him, Chanyeol tried to prepare you but he looks awful, cheek swollen so much his eye is almost shut, the bridge of his nose crooked.

"Oh God, I'm so sorry-"

You're climbing up on the guest bed, and you don't even realize he's awake until he moves to wrap his arms around your waist, 

"You came," he mumbles, and you stroke his hair.

You're angry, you want to call Jooheon and yell at him but what right did you have, after you'd rushed here despite the fact that you were still wearing his engagement ring.

"Of course I did."

"Do you think...do you think you won't leave me now?" 

His words are slurred and it's an arrow through your heart, tears spill down your cheeks.

"I'm not going anywhere" you croon, and he lifts his head to look at you.

"You promise?"

It hurts, how much you feel, it's like you might burst, and you dip your head to kiss him as softly as you can.

You end up falling asleep there, and you wake up being pulled into his arms, his swollen mouth on your shoulder.

"I thought I dreamed you," he whispers, his long fingers trailing down your body.

"Sehun," you warn, but he just keeps trailing his hand up and down your side, not going further.

"I'm so happy you're here, jagi. I've missed you so much. I love you so much."

When you twist to face him, his bruised face making your heart ache, because he's smiling at you even though it must hurt.

"I came because Chanyeol was worried about you."

His smile fades. "Oh. Right."

"Sehun-"

"It's fine," he mumbles. "At least I got to see you."

"Are you...are you okay?"

Sehun barks out a laugh. "Don't I look okay?"

"I'm so sorry he hit you."

He shrugs. "I probably deserved it."

You can't help but smile. "You probably did," you agree.

He smiles back at you but it's almost wistful and you wish you could go an hour without crying.

"Hey," he says softly, thumbing at your tears. "It's okay. I'm okay."

"I'm sorry," you sob, and you can't tell him what you're sorry for, that you're sorry because you love him too but it's all too late.

You hide your face in his chest he rubs your back.

"Not your fault, jagi. I'm sorry. This is the way it should have been, yeah? I did it all wrong. This is how I should have loved you." 

You pull back to look at him and the half smile he gives you almost breaks you.

He kisses the tip of your nose. "I should have loved you better, should have told you how I think about you all day, how you make me feel like my heart will burst every time you smile at me."

"Sehun," you breathe, and then you can't help yourself, can't stop yourself from leaning in to kiss him and he makes a surprised sound into your mouth but then he's kissing you back, harder than you'd imagine given his busted lip.

You're popping buttons on his shirt to get your hands on his skin before you know what you're doing, you just need to get closer, just need to touch him, and then scrabbling at the button of his jeans.

He takes your hands in his, kisses your knuckles. "Wait. Y/n. Slow down. I wanna do this right, if it's the last time."

Your heart aches and you're still crying and all you want is him as close as you can get him, want him inside you because everything hurts and you don't want to think about this being the last time.

"Sehun, please, I need you." You arch your back, tug off your shirt, kiss his throat, trying everything you know that entices him.

He just lets out a groan that's half a laugh and rolls on top of you, pinning your wrists above your head with one arm.

"You don't get to be a brat tonight, jagi. I wanna touch you everywhere." 

He slides his hand between your bare breasts, dips his thumb into your bellybutton, and you're trembling.

"So pretty," he mumbles. "Gotta remember this, how you look beneath me."

God, it hurts, hurts somewhere in your very bones how this might be the last time and you squeeze your eyes shut.

Sehun just kisses you, soft and sweet as his fingers creep below your waistband.

"I love you," he whispers into your ear and you whimper, thighs parting as he dips two fingers inside you.

"I love you too," you say in a burst, and his fingers stop, he buries his face in your neck.

"Ah, jagi...please don't say that."

"But I do. I do, I love you so fucking much," you say and it's almost a sob.

You tug at his hair and his eyes are wet when he lifts his head.

"Jagi, if you say that...if you mean it...I don't know if I can let you go." It's a hoarse whisper and you feel like you'll never stop crying.

"I...I don't want to talk about it, please, just...just love me, okay?"

Sehun's breath catches in his throat and when he kisses you there's salt on your tongue.

You finally feel like you can breathe again when he's inside you, cupping your face in his hands and it's almost too much, feels like you might burst with all the things you want to say, so you say nothing instead, just his name.

"I can't lose you, jagi. Don't make me lose you."

You pull him down to kiss you, roll your hips, hope to show him with your body instead.

He moans into your mouth but he stills inside you and you whimper.

You arch your back, dig your nails into his shoulders, but he just buries his face in your neck again, breathing hard.

"Sehun...please-" you gasp out.

"You'll go when it's over, yeah? I don't want it to be over." 

His voice is shaking and God, it hurts, everything hurts, there's no decision you can make that doesn't. 

Then he pulls out of you even as you protest, rolls onto his back but you roll with him.

The way he looks up at you when you're riding him is almost too much to bear, his heart is in his eyes and yours is breaking.

"You're so fucking beautiful," he murmurs, running his hands up your sides to cup your breasts.

When you feel yourself getting close, feel pressure building in your belly, you lean over, press your forehead to his as you roll your hips.

He puts his hand in your hair, kisses you over and over as you moan into his mouth and when you finally come it’s bittersweet because the second you come down, dread drops onto you like a blanket.

You don’t move, when it’s over, just stay with him softening inside you and his hand still in your hair, massaging your scalp.

He takes in a deep, shuddering breath before he speaks. “I know you have to go.”

You feel your lip trembling, and he shushes you, kisses you again, brushing his nose against yours.

When you get up, he watches you for a moment and then turns away from you on the bed, curling into a ball and you can see his broad shoulders shaking and everything in you wants to go back, wants to comfort him, tell him you love him.

Instead, you go, shutting the door behind you before you burst into tears.

*

Jooheon thinks later that he knew how this would go before you ever come back to him. He thinks he knew how it would end up, even if he didn’t want to admit it to himself.

There’s so much of him that wants to rage, wants to be angry and jealous and throw his fists into walls, so much of him that aches to do something stupid, but he doesn’t. He waits for you, because he wants you to be his wife and it’s one thing if you decide to go, but if he hasn’t fucked it up already by getting in a fight with your ex boyfriend, he’s not going to do it now.

You don’t even call, just show up at his house and he sees you through the peephole and his chest tightens.

When he opens the door you throw yourself into his arms and you’re sobbing like your heart is broken, just like you did at the engagement party.

Part of him wants to push you away, tell you it isn’t fair, that he shouldn’t have to comfort you after everything that’s happened, but he loves you so much. He wants you so happy.

You tell him between sobs, in the most broken voice, everything that happened and his heart just sinks lower and lower.

You won’t let go of him, have your fingers clutched in his shirt even when he takes you to sit down on the couch.

He doesn’t speak for a long time after you tell him, doesn’t ask you any questions, and you just keep staring at him and he can’t even look at you.

"Don't hate me, Joo, please," you gasp out, and he shakes his head, can't bear you thinking that even if his heart is breaking.

"I could never hate you. I love you. I love you so much." He gives you a weak smile and you just start crying all over again so he pulls you close, kisses the top of your head.

You start talking about how you just need some time, about how everything will be fine and he’s half listening because his heart is pounding in his ears.

“It’s okay,” he murmurs into your hair. “Y/n...I want you…” he stops, the words sticking in his throat, takes a deep breath and tries again. “I want you to go.”

You lift your head, looking panicked. “Joo, no I-”

“You’re miserable, baby,” he says, and he laughs a little, wiping at his eyes. “You’ve been miserable ever since he showed up to the engagement party and I just...I want you to be happy.”

“Don’t say that. Don’t say that, you make me happy! You make me so happy!” You cry, and he wishes you wouldn’t fight it so hard.

It makes him want to give in, makes him want to sweep it all under the rug, but he can see it in your eyes, how much you’re suffering and he can’t let you keep doing it.

He disentangles himself from your arms, holds you an arm’s length away even when you protest.

“You can’t do this,” you say weakly.

He laughs again. “You think I fucking want to? You think I want to push you into his arms? It’s what you want, Y/n. If it wasn’t what you wanted you wouldn’t have been so upset, you wouldn’t have fucked him-”

“Is that what this is about? I’m sorry, I should’ve never-”

“It’s not about that! It’s about how you feel, Y/n, and….” his voice breaks and he huffs out a breath. “And how you don’t.”

You just look at him, your eyes so big and pleading and fuck, he hates this, he hates everything about this.

“I’ll just take a few more days,” you say, and your voice is so small and it feels like his chest will crack open.

He nods. “Yeah, okay.”

You don’t  move to leave though and he can’t look at you anymore, can’t look at you without begging you to stay so he puts his face in his hands.

“Just go, yeah?” 

“Joo-”

“Please. Please, just go.”

When the door closes behind you it sounds like the end of the world.

*

Sehun doesn’t get out of bed until Chanyeol drags him out, telling him he probably has a concussion and he has to at least eat something instead of drinking his breakfast.

Everything tastes like cardboard but he eats, tries to smile even though it hurts his busted lip.

“Do you think she’ll invite me to the wedding?” Sehun asks after he’s done, and he starts laughing and then he’s crying instead and Chanyeol pulls him into a hug.

He’s just fucking tired. He’s tired and he doesn’t want to do any of this anymore, doesn’t want to hate your fiance for having you, doesn’t want to hate you for leaving, doesn’t want to hate himself for not telling you when he should have.

He talks Chanyeol into taking him home, promises over and over he won’t drink, he won’t call you, and he knows damn well he’ll probably do both.

On the way home, his phone buzzes and when he sees your name light up on the screen he can barely breathe. 

It’s just two words, just: Come over, but it’s like he can’t take in a deep breath until Chanyeol drops him off, asking him again and again if he should wait, and Sehun waves him off and all but bolts to your door.

Your face is streaked with tears when you answer but you just go into your living room without a word and he follows you like a stray puppy, his heart in his throat.

You sit on the couch and he just stands there like an idiot, he can’t think of a single thing to say that isn’t something stupid like “are you okay?” when you clearly aren’t, and that gives him hope and makes him feel like an asshole at the same time.

“Do you love me?”

He blinks, surprised. “Yes.”

“Really love me? You’re not just fucking...territorial or fucking with my head because you can?”

“I love you so much,” he breathes out, and he doesn’t know what to do with his fucking hands, he reaches them out to you and then back down to his sides. “I love you so much, Y/n, you have no idea-”

You stop him by taking his hand and hope is bubbling in his chest and that’s dangerous, that’s so fucking dangerous because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if you end up saying goodbye after this.

“You better show me. You better show me every fucking day because after all this if-”

He laughs, he can’t help it, his heart is soaring and you’re frowning at him and he takes your face in his hands and kisses you kisses you kisses you until his busted lip is aching.

It isn’t all easy after that, you’re still wary and there’s things to work out with Jooheon and he can’t help the searing in his chest when you say you’re going to pick up your things a couple weeks later, but it’s more than he ever could have hoped for, and it’s you. 

It’s you, and you’re everything.

[shnuggletea]

I already posted my ANs earlier today but I’m doing it again in case they got lost in the void that is Tumblr sometimes. Getting the word out is key to get what I need but if you read my earlier post, feel free to skip the ANs. They’re all at the bottom.

Fanfiction HERE

AO3 HERE

Chapter 19

She half expected him to be at the gate, waiting for her at the end of school. Partly disappointed to find him not there, she continued her way to the Crown, her shift starting soon. Makoto had her cooking club again and Ami was working on a Science fair project. Minako told her to wait for her to leave school, but she wasn't going to sit around for the blonde. Her tardiness was just as legendary as hers.

In the dark break room, she shoved her coat into her locker and pulled her neatly folded work uniform out of her book bag. The Crown had a simple uniform for its servers, black bottoms and a solid colored top. No print of any kind was allowed on the shirt and it couldn't be too bright. And shoes could be anything as long as they weren't sandals or flip-flops.

She liked to copy Rachel from "Friends", wearing a tight black skirt that stopped just above her knees and a long-sleeved shirt with a rounded neckline. Today, it was a light pink color. She had it tucked in as part of the dress code, but she would have anyway.

With deft fingers, she braided her tails and wrapped them around her buns, creating two loops that hung from their length. The last thing she ever wanted working here was for a tail to drop into some ketchup or a milkshake.

Pulling her tennis shoes on, she stood and straightened her apron, brushing away imaginary dust as she stepped out and into her shift.

It was still bright and sunny outside, a nice day. It was easy to forget the darkness that had been this morning and the night before. Not that she could. Even though her heart pounded at the thought of being in Mamoru's arms, it also hurt, remembering how he called out for Serenity while trying to make love to her.

Then she clamped down on herself, knowing it was far too late, only now remembering that Mamoru could once again feel and hear/see her every thought. Wherever he was or whatever he was doing, it wouldn't be long until he showed up. Looking around, no one near or in need of her attention, she shut her eyes and focused, trying to find him. It didn't take long, his warmth draping over her, and it startled her a bit. Their connection was so much more than it had been before.

The result of his energy inside her no doubt.

"Tsukino-chan!"

Lost in her thoughts yet again, she jumped at the hand that grabbed her shoulder. At the defensive, she had to calm herself quickly when she found Ginga-san's sister standing next to her. A smile was plastered on her face and it barely hid her disdain for Usagi.

If she dislikes me so much, then why is she talking to me?

"Have you seen Mamoru today?"

Well, there you go…

Not really sure if she should be honest or not, she shook her head at the girl. "No, not for a while now."

It had been a while since she had seen him this morning. "Oh. I guess I will wait then. He usually comes by this time of day right?"

She was asking her again. Expecting her to give her insight into Mamoru. "I guess so."

Ginga glared at her, "You know very well when he is or isn't here. I see you flirting with him shamelessly any time he's around!"

"Excuse me?" She was pretty sure she never flirted with Mamoru. Not in public anyway and the other stuff he initiated. There were a few times when they were here, but Ginga hadn't been here..had she?

"And the way you treated my brother?!"

She had almost forgotten the incident with her brother. Or that the two of them were related. She really didn't want to get back to all of that again so she went back to work, going around Ginga and making her way to a table that just sat down.

Ginga left or sat down somewhere, she really wasn't sure but she let the girl slip from her mind completely. Time passed and Mamoru still had yet to make an appearance. She could feel him but she wasn't sure how near or far he was from her. Something she would have to figure out with time. Either way, he must have been giving her the space that she never asked for but clearly needed. Her mind and heart were still a mess.

She was walking a tray of food over to a table and didn't see the bookbag strap in her way. It caught and wrapped around her foot and almost sent her flying. But hands caught her, stilling her and her tray of food. Looking up, fully prepared to thank her rescuer, her voice stopped in her throat, Ginga-san giving her a sad grin.

He released her quickly enough and she delivered the food, finding him still near her once she was done.

"Tsukino-chan, may we talk?"

Her tray still in her hands, she pulled it in tight to her chest. "Alright."

"In private?"

"No."

He didn't push, following her as she returned her tray to the kitchen window. "I am really sorry about the other day."

She softened, unable to hold any grudge. "I forgive you."

His face lit up, "Really?"

She shrugged easily, "Yeah, of course. I don't hold grudges Ginga-san."

He nodded, looking away from her to the floor in thought. "Yeah, I get that about you."

Silence grew between them and she was ready to move on. "Okay, so...no worries right?"

Planning on walking away and thinking no more on the subject, she was a bit surprised when he reached out and grabbed her elbow. It wasn't a hard grasp, she could break away from it easily. But for some reason, she couldn't all at the same time. That feeling she got from him before was back, a painful tingling up her arm having a slightly numbing effect on her mind. It wasn't as strong as the first time, allowing her to keep most of her wits about her. But she was curious, wanting to figure out what this was, what he was doing when he touched her.

"Will you go out with me, Usagi-chan?"

A fire flared in her at his use of her informal name yet again. "No Ginga-san, I will not."

He looked genuinely shocked as if he truly expected a different response from her. The fuzzy feeling in her mind grew a little and his grip tightened slightly. Neither hurt nor affected her ability to think clearly, but she felt it just the same.

"Why not?"

She shook her head, opening her mouth to speak, but did not get the chance. "Because she is already spoken for."

Mamoru appeared at her side, pulling her arm gently from Ginga's grasp and her closer to him. "Usagi-chan?"

Again she tried to speak but was cut off. "You really shouldn't be addressing her so informally."

There was malice in Mamoru's voice, but really he just sounded cocky. "And just what should I call her?"

Mamoru put a finger to his chin as if honestly thinking about it. "You could call her Tsukino. But to be honest, you really should call her Chiba."

Her mouth hung open, any and all words she could say getting lost as they fell to the floor from her gaping lips. Irritated, she pulled herself from Mamoru's touch, forgetting for a second that they no longer needed to touch. He was goading her through their connection with memories of their moment that morning in one another's arms.

Ginga-san had started to shake a little. "Tsukino-chan, who is this guy?"

Mamoru bested her again, sticking a hand out for Ginga-san to shake, blocking him from her as he had taken a small step towards her. "Chiba Mamoru, Usagi's husband."

No way Ginga was going to shake Mamoru's hand so she knocked it down, glaring up at him while he smirked. "He's my boyfriend."

She really didn't think of him as either but she knew that calling him her boyfriend would be two birds, one stone. It would put Ginga-san in his place and Mamoru would take a slight hit to his pride. She wished she could knock his pride more, use it as a hockey puck, but she was sure she was not that cruel of a person.

"He's your WHAT?!"

They all spun, finding Ginga-san's sister standing a few steps away, seething. She had never seen a girl look so crazed before. At least not over a boy.

Mamoru grabbed her and pulled her a little closer to him, the notion only making Ginga growl. Seijuro left the two of them, walking carefully over to his sister as if she were in fact the bomb she so closely resembled.

"Come now Natsumi, we should go home. Now!"

Natsumi pulled her arm out of his grasp roughly, still glaring at her. "This isn't over, Tsukino. Not by a long shot!"

Natsumi stormed out, her brother following after like a little puppy. "You and that girl in some kind of battle?"

She shrugged, "Not that I'm aware of." He tugged her, gaining her full attention and her irritation flared back up. "You! How could you!"

She swatted him but he just chuckled, grabbing her hands and holding them still. "What? I just told the truth."

Rolling her eyes, she released a rueful sigh. "Please do not go around telling people we're married, Mamoru. They will get the wrong impression."

"And what impression is that exactly?"

"That it's true!"

He pulled her in close, so close she feared he was about to kiss her in front of everyone. "But it is true. You're just letting this whole death and rebirth thing cloud your judgment." Feeling her nervousness, he pulled away quickly. "Relax Usako, no one is even paying attention to us."

He released her, putting her hands on her hips in full fuss mode. "What are you doing here anyway? Is this once again your version of space?"

"No, I had fully intended on waiting until you were off work."

"So...what are you doing here?"

He took a step back, sitting down on the nearby stool. "Did you really expect me to sit back and do nothing while some kid manhandles my wife?"

"I am not your…"

"My girlfriend then. He was working some weird magic on you, Usako. Did you not feel it? I did. Something is up with that guy."

Crossing her arms over her chest, she glared at him some more. "Of course, I did! Why do you think I allowed him to touch me in the first place? I was trying to figure out what he was and what he was doing!"

Her hands now missing from them, he grabbed her hips and pulled her to him, forcing her to put her hands out to keep him at a, albeit small, distance. "Yeah, letting him manhandle you."

"The only one manhandling me is you!"

He chuckled and her heart raced, internally cursing her deep attraction to him. "And that is how it should be." She shook her head at him but he just grinned. "You look beautiful by the way."

Glancing down at herself, as if she forgot what she was wearing, she looked back up at him incredulously. "It's the same thing I always wear here."

"Yeah, well now I'm smart enough to tell you, you look beautiful."

As if to prove his point, he tugged playfully on one of her braided rings, causing her to giggle and blush madly. Then he stole a kiss. It was a quick peck on the lips but it left a lingering impression nonetheless, pulling at her lips for a second as he pulled away. They watched one another for a second and then he leaned in, wanting to kiss her again but this time she stopped him.

"You're going to get me fired."

"You don't need this job anyway."

She shrugged out of his hold a bit. "Great, now my job is an issue? I'm not going to mooch off the boys any more than I already have."

"Then don't, mooch off of me."

"Mamo, I am not moving in with you!"

He pulled her back to him, smirking at the smile she was barely containing. "Why not?"

"Because I don't trust your intentions."

He froze, his mouth hanging wide open, but he couldn't deny it either. Shutting his mouth, he let out a sigh. "Fine, then go back to your parents."

Her heart stopped. "What?"

"Go back to your parents."

"That is not an option Mamo, they would be in danger and I can't risk it."

Continuing with their tug of war, he pulled her in again. "Then let me risk it. Move back home and I will protect them. All of you. They will be safe and you will be in their care."

She stared at him, slack-jawed. There was no doubt that he meant it and honestly believed he could keep them all safe. And even though she wasn't as confident as he was, the fact that he was willing to do so much to make her happy, to send her home was overwhelming. Even if it was a bit self-serving, getting her out of a house full of men, he didn't intend it that way. He offered for her, not himself.

Her fingers curled around his neck, pulling him to her so hard and fast, it surprised both of them. But he recovered quickly, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her closer. Just as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, she felt it, pushing him away hard and fast. But not fast enough. He had just enough time to look at her with concern and confusion before half of the wall to the front of the arcade splintered apart, blasting inward on all those inside.

She was thrown to the floor, Mamoru's body covering hers. He rolled off of her in an instant, pulling her up with him as he got up off the floor. Taking his hand, she pulled him behind the counter, intending on going into the backroom to transform. But a large pile of cement and wood now blocked them from it. They could get through, but it would take time and they didn't have any.

A woman walked through the hole, or rather, she looked like a woman in many respects. Pale green skin peeked out of the dark red, skin-tight bodysuit. Pink hair that matched Usagi's shirt, spilled down her back while gold coiled around her arms and legs. She was very pretty for a Cardigan, as that voice called the one earlier.

Mamoru shoved her behind him and she let him, only so she could peek around the side of him.

"WHERE IS TSUKINO!"

Then he shoved her down behind the counter, falling to her knees hard. Fear made her heart race, but it was not her own. It was Mamoru's. The man who feared nothing, not even death, and here he was afraid for her?

"Mamoru! Where is she!"

"I don't know. Why don't you try the ladies' room?"

The fear he felt did not show in his voice in the slightest and she found herself craving to see what it looked like on his face. Not sure what she would find, she crept around the corner of the counter. Mamoru appeared in her sights, she drank him in. He looked the same, stoic and determined. He had stepped away from the counter and did all he could to not look her way.

"FINE! You don't want to tell me? I will just start killing EVERYONE in this room until she is handed over!"

Mamoru paled, that much she could see, and in her mind he was begging her to stay put. But as she heard the screams of someone else, her heart broke, or rather Mamoru's did knowing she was going to reveal herself.

She popped up and the Cardigan's eyes went straight to her, dropping the young boy she had in her grasp.

"I will come with you if you leave everyone else alone."

The creature laughed, "Oh you are hardly in any position to bargain!"

It shimmered and disappeared, popping up right beside her behind the counter. Grabbing her arm, she threw Usagi out and over, almost landing painfully on the other side, but Mamoru caught her. This only angered the creature more.

Shimmering again, she appeared between them, the force knocking them both backward. Her towards the door and Mamoru back deeper into the arcade.

Pain ripped through her skull, a scream coming from her while the womanoid cackled, pulling her by one of her braided loops. The same one Mamoru had just teased her with.

"I am going to suck you dry and leave your corpse high in the trees to rot. They won't find it till you are unrecognizable."

She tugged on her locks, stuck tight in the creature's grip. "Kami you're sick. Did your Masters make you like this?!"

It cackled again, pulling her in tighter, the strands screaming for release at her scalp. "Masters? I have no Master, I am my own!"

The creature's free hand went to her throat and started to squeeze. Then she was knocked away, both of them falling to the floor, Mamoru on top of the beast. He rolled off, grabbing Usagi off the floor and pulling her towards the hole. They were almost there when she appeared before them again.

It raised a hand at both of them. "Give her to me and you can live!" Mamoru shoved her behind him, giving it his answer. "Are you really going to let him die for you?"

She felt the energy Mamoru was pooling and she gripped his hand, stopping him from revealing himself with a shake of her head at him. "I am not going to let her have you."

"If you reveal yourself, they will never stop coming for either of us."

They whispered, not needing to be louder than a hush on their breaths, their connection carrying their words the rest of the way. She moved to go around him and he stopped her, grabbing her wrist in a death grip. Glaring at him, he squeezed his eyes shut at the onslaught of emotions and thoughts she sent his way.

"Stop! Just stop alright? I'm not losing you again!"

She ripped her hand away from his, "And I refuse to watch you die again."

"Are you two finished?!"

They both turned to glare at the creature, her hair standing on end in her fury. She had to hold back the giggle that wanted to release when Mamoru thought about the little troll dolls, comparing the creature to them. He disguised his chuckle as a cough when she thought about the jewel on the trolls in their belly buttons and wondered if they could make a wish.

Both their smiles fell when she was grabbed up again by her hair. "What is your problem with my hair?!"

Her free hand reached over and grabbed Usagi's wrist, deciding to go ahead and drain her now. She felt the pull and she wasn't sure if she should let her take it or resist? Would she have figured out that she was Sailor Moon if she was able to keep herself from getting drained?

Mamoru moved for her again, ignoring her looks and calls to him in her mind. He stopped when another figure shimmered next to the woman.

"An! Let her go now!"

Mamoru watched for a second, looking back at her and smirking. Then he changed directions, grabbing the blue-haired creature that matched the woman he stood next to.

"NO! You let him go!"

"Not as much fun to see the life of the one you love threatened is it?"

Mamoru held the guy in a chokehold, his forearm pressing against the creature's windpipe. He had taken a big risk, assuming they had similar bodily functions. But the creature was clearly struggling to breathe now.

"How about we make a trade?"

She glanced over at her capture, finding the woman struggling to make a decision. The look on the other creature's face was too cruel.

Mamoru shook his head at her. "Don't you feel sorry for them, Usako, they attacked first." She could feel the tears in her eyes, looking back at Mamoru who shook his head harder. "No, no way! Not until you are safe!"

She had distracted him, the creature he held elbowing him hard in the ribs, causing Mamoru to loosen his hold just enough for the creature to break free and blast Mamoru with a strange energy.

"Mamoru!"

The creature that held her screamed out at the exact same time as she had, something Usagi did not miss as she looked back up to stare at the woman. She glared back, fire in her eyes as if she could catch Usagi on fire with a look.

"This is all YOUR fault!"

Releasing her hair, the creature backhanded her, sending her flying across the room. In a flash, it was on her again, its hands around her neck, cutting off all oxygen. Black invaded her vision, spots that got larger and larger by the second.

She could feel Mamoru's power swelling, fully ready to blast this creature into oblivion and reveal himself to the enemy and the world. She begged him, through their link, not to. But he wasn't listening, taking blow after blow from the second creature that kept him from her. So focused on getting to her that he wasn't even fighting back save to get free of the beast.

Heat hit her face, a flame rushing past her, barely missing her as it funneled into the creature that held her down. The creature released a loud screech, the sound disappearing mid-scream as it shimmered away. Then the sound of glass crushing under feet rang out in the silence that now filled her ears, even Mamoru was silent. Red and purple fluttered above her, her vision still blurry while her throat burned.

"Geez... Pyro… you almost… singed me."

Mars' glare was the last thing she saw before slipping off into the darkness.

WOOO HOOO MARS IN THE HOUSE! Not gonna lie, she's my favorite return in this fic. Showing up all badass. One Senshi left!

On a more subdued note...

As much as it pains me to make this public because it just gives these people what they want which is attention, I'm at my wit's end and need help. I have mentioned that I've been a victim of bullying. This was all recently too I don't mean back in my school days. So recent, in fact, it's still going on. Currently, my work is posted on a page that doesn't have my permission to do so, the page called Elite Squad B. It's a page run by the very people who bullied me and all my friends in my other fandom.

Most might say, "take it as a compliment" but they don't have my name anywhere on the joint page and my old name next to my works. It’s plagiarism. And keep in mind, these are the same people that said I was bullying them to our entire fandom, slandering mine and my friends' names to the point that most of them left. All of you know what happened to my dear friend and beta, darkenedhrt101. My other friends are still in the fandom but aren't as active as they once were. The only reason they were ever attacked was because they were my friends and I supported their work. None of us ever did anything my bullies said we did, not even tell our readers what was going on. But they still blamed them as well, telling me it was one of my 'fans' accosting them. I'm 100% sure the troll they got famous from was all made up and then used to tear me and my friends down. If not, how could they ever think this person was on my side? I'm the one they threatened to throw out of the fandom.

I want to be done with these people and for the most part, I am. I've blocked them everywhere and think of them never. Except when it comes to my stories on their page. A collaborative page I helped create when they pretended to be my friend. And although I gave permission, I have asked them to take them off, taken the permission away. I know the 'collaborative' piece is a hard sell, even though the concept and first chapter are mine, I gave them the project under duress, and they have since changed the concept to something else and ruined the fic. I feel I have the right to ask them to remove my chapter. The other work is mine. A few unnecessary sentences were added so the other person could add their name to the fic. But it's my story and work.

I have reached out to the owners of the page and but about four months later, and nothing has been done. So I'm going public in hopes I can at least get it out there that wrong is still being done to me. These people accused me of spreading their personal business and pretending to be a troll. Why do they still want my name on anything of theirs? Because they are still using and abusing my name, that's why. And it needs to stop.

Words cannot express the changes this bullying has done to me. I'm no longer social, not on any social media, and I'm not as active in that fandom anymore. I wish I had saved the messages they sent me. Especially the one where one of them admitted to stealing my fic from me. But I didn't have the forethought and didn't want the reminder of their negativity even saved on my phone.

I owe them nothing and ignoring them didn't work. So even though I don't want to give them the satisfaction of knowing what they did to me, I want all of you to know more. They pushed my best friend out of the fandom, something we did for fun, all for their own selfish needs. They turn writers that I once respected and admired against us based on lies. And to this day, they still claim some kind of ownership to my work. I hope all of you can understand and sympathize. I don't expect much, I just want my stuff off their page. And if making a big stink, and stirring up my anxiety as I'm super non-confrontational, is what it takes then here goes.

[atths--twice]

Okay... so Nothing Lasts Forever... I have to admit that the only parts of it I truly enjoy are the MSR scenes. The rest of the episode is creepy and honestly gross to me. So, the focus of this chapter will be on their relationship and not the story line. I think we can all agree that that is what is most important anyway, right? I mean, come on...

Chapter Thirty Nine 

Shining Light  

Time spent in church, prayers, discussions and decisions, lead to conversations that should have been had years ago.

March 2018

Scully woke up and felt off, the same way she had been feeling for a few days now. Something was not right, and she could tell. Turning onto her back, she sighed, so many thoughts running through her head. Closing her eyes she thought of the last few days.

Mulder had come over after the case in Connecticut and they had spent the night together, each healing the other in turn. They slept together, holding tight to the other, and she had ordered breakfast for them when they woke.

When he left, his eyes were saying things his mouth was not, and she felt inexplicably nervous. He kissed her forehead and left, no words spoken, and then no call or text for a couple of days. Things were strange between them, and she felt confused and off balance.

Pushing the covers back, she sat up and sighed, making a decision. She would go to mass and see if that helped. Recently she had been doing that more often, spending time at a church near the hotel. She did not always make it for a mass, but she found simply sitting in the church to be calming and peaceful. She took a quick shower, dressed, and headed for church.

The coolness of the holy water, the scent of the candles and pews, and the beauty of the stained glass brought back so many memories from her childhood. First communion, confirmation, her rebellious pull from church, her mother’s desire for her to find her faith once again, and how she found it again following her cancer diagnosis.

She sighed as she sat and closed her eyes, listening to the priest as he began to speak, but at the same time not paying much attention, drawing strength instead from the building itself and the memories it held. She felt for the quarter on a chain in her pocket and thought of her mother. She wished her mother was there, sitting beside her, ready to listen and offer advice for the worries plaguing her heart.

Scully knew how much her mother loved Mulder. She had known for years, and she could almost hear what her mother would say - It’s your decision, Dana. Nobody can make the decision for you.

Yes, she might say those words, but her eyes would silently be praying and begging for her to go back to him, to find her happiness again, and for them to be them again.

If only it were that easy …

She sighed again, her fingers rolling across the quarter in her pocket. “I’m trying,” she whispered. “We’re trying.” Sighing again, she let the quarter go and clasped her hands together, prayers passing silently across her lips.

Communion received, her mind still racing, she felt her phone vibrate in her pocket. Glancing at the screen, she sighed and walked out of the church, heading to meet Mulder for a new case.

Seeing the manner in which the victims were killed and the reason for it made Scully feel uneasy, because it reminded her  of the case with Father Joe. She hated what that case did to her and Mulder, but it had forced them to talk in order to move forward. Following that case, a shift occurred. It was still a dark and sad time and was not something she liked to think about.

She investigated liver transplants in the area and found nothing out of the ordinary. Feeling the need to go back to a church, she texted Mulder where she would be and sent him the address. Opening the doors, she walked inside and dipped her fingers into the holy water, crossing herself as she knelt a bow at the pew before she sat down.

She sighed as she attempted to find peace in the church. So many thoughts swirled in her head, with Mulder first and foremost. She knew he was enjoying and welcoming this slow walk back to each other, and so was she, but what was the plan for the future? Were they just going to continue on this … visiting each other for comfort? Hanging out, going out to eat, and then sex if they felt like it? It was nice, very nice, but it was not enough. She wanted more, but was also scared to take that leap again.

She closed her eyes as she thought of the hurt she had suffered from their separation. The loneliness, the solitude, the feeling of missing her other half. She thought of William, or Jackson, whatever name he went by, and she knew she had failed him. His parents, the ones he had known his entire life, were dead and he was all alone in the world. A boy with amazing abilities who had no way of understanding how or why he possessed them was now alone and scared. Being young, ignorant, and powerful  was a lethal combination, and she feared for him.

Opening her eyes, she looked to the front of the church and made a decision. She stood up and walked toward the candles, intending to light as many as she felt were needed to address the challenges she, Mulder, and their son now faced. Not many were lit initially and for that she was grateful. She knew she was going to be asking for a lot.

She did not want to be selfish in her prayers, so she lit one asking for peace and guidance for her family members. Nieces and nephews making life decisions they may not be prepared to undertake. She lit another and prayed for wisdom to do her job to the best of her ability and to help those who were unable to help themselves. She lit one for William, praying that one day she would have the chance to tell him the truth and be given a chance to explain why she made the decisions she made. The last candle she lit, she prayed for Mulder, for peace, understanding, and guidance that would be required for them to find their way back to one another.

As she lit his candle, Mulder appeared at her side joking about not bursting into flames as he crossed the threshold. She smiled at his joke, her prayer still in her head as she told him of the liver transplant recipients all being accounted for as he struggled to read off the information he gathered from a document on his phone without his glasses on.

“Oh, God, help me,” he said and she stared at him, amused. “Sorry.” He looked up and raised his hands as he put his glasses on, reading the screen of his phone and telling her what he discovered.

“I think we should hand this over to the NYC Organized Crime division, Mulder. I don't think this is an X-File,” she said, looking at him and shaking her head, as he raised his head in intrigue. “I'm gonna need some time here. I can meet up with you later, or you can wait for me.” He nodded and put his hand on her back before walking away.  

She turned back to the candles, needing to finish her prayer. This one was for herself and she prayed for wisdom and guidance, and to not be such a fucking coward. With a small groan, she asked for forgiveness at her choice of language and crossed herself as she turned around.

What she saw made her heart skip and her breath catch. There Mulder sat, waiting for her, just as she had suggested. Though she had suggested and hoped, she had assumed he would wait for her as he always had, outside, or even meeting up at a nearby coffee shop. She honestly thought he had left to do just that, leaving her standing there alone, but he was different now. They were different. Maybe her prayers had been heard after all.

“You waited,” she said quietly as she came to stand beside him. He looked up at her and away from the bible he held in his hands. Once more she had to ask for forgiveness, as the glasses he wore gave her some very impure thoughts.

“I waited,” he answered in the affirmative, sliding over so she could join him in the pew. She sat beside him and smiled as he went back to looking at the bible in his hands. Her prayers continued as she sat down, her thoughts jumbling together as the past and present began to blend.

She heard him mentioning the scripture about vengeance and she smiled, telling him it was a common biblical passage. He looked so disheartened that she felt the need to share something with him.

“Did I ever tell you how I came to believe in God?” she asked quietly, knowing he would get a kick out of the story.

“No,” he said, shaking his head.

“When my brother Charlie was a baby, he got seriously ill. I think I was about four. I later learned that it was rheumatic fever.”

“Hmm,” Mulder nodded.

“Every night, Mom would tell us to get on our knees and pray for his recovery.”

“Your prayers were answered. He lived.”

“Only, after the first couple nights, I wasn’t praying for him,” she said, thinking of being a little girl again, her prayers so big. “I was praying for a puppy.” Mulder gave a big quiet laugh, and she laughed with him. “And we got one that Christmas. I thought God had performed a miracle.”

“I finally know why I’m not a Christian, Scully. My parents never got me a puppy,” Mulder said with a smile, and she laughed quietly.

“So are you-you praying for another miracle now?” he asked her curiously.

“I don’t know if I do believe in miracles. But I do know the power of faith,” she told him softly, as she took her mother’s quarter from her pocket. “I saw it in my mom, the strength that she received.” She stared at the quarter, holding it in her fingers. “I could use some of that strength now.”

She put the quarter back in her pocket and smiled. “I need what you have. You always bear north, Mulder … no matter which way or how hard the wind blows against you.” She stared at him with a smile, and he smiled back.

“I think all I have- all any of us have are the results of all the choices that we’ve made. And at the end of the day, we just hope that we made the right one,” he said softly and she nodded, closing her eyes, her choices weighing heavy on her heart. “Don’t know if that measures to what you’re saying, but it’s what I feel.” She opened her eyes and looked at him, his smile so open. She sighed and nodded again.

“Five minutes, okay?” she whispered, and he nodded, putting his glasses back on and picking up the Bible.

“Make it ten, I’m really interested in the Old Testament. Curious what happens to this Joseph fellow,” Mulder said and she laughed, closing her eyes again.  

“Oh." She heard beside her a few minutes later. “That took a dark turn.” She heard the book close and then his deep sigh. She smiled again, both of them then quiet as they sat in a shared pew.

_____________________

Walking down the street to the church, Scully rolled her neck, fighting the crick in it since falling down the elevator shaft a few days ago. Shaking her head and then giving her whole body a quick shake, she attempted to release the thoughts of the possibility she had faced of falling to her death.

What a horrible way to go, she thought, shaking her head again.

Walking through the doors of the church, she took a second to look at the stained glass, as she always did. The colors were beautiful and this time of day, they were even more so. This was one of her favorite churches, mainly because of the beauty within the architecture and spectrum of light the windows created.

Sighing, she stepped to the candles, needing to offer up prayers again. More of the same, but one in particular. Crossing herself, she stared at them and then at the window above, admiring their beauty. She took a deep breath and grabbed a stick, lighting the first candle and giving thanks for her health and for no broken bones or serious injury in her fall. Another candle, asking for health and safety of her family. Another, for her mother, thankful for the love and advice she bestowed upon all of those around her. Another, for herself, asking for guidance and strength to do what she knew she wanted but was still afraid to voice.

The last candle was for Mulder. Well, more importantly for Mulder and her and the decision weighing heavily upon her mind and heart. Before she could offer up a prayer, the candle went out, and she heard Mulder’s footfall behind her. She would know that gait anywhere.

She turned and looked at him, and then back to the candle, the irony and humor not lost on her. He may not have burst into flames when he entered the church before, but here at the one she frequented, he apparently had some kind of power, making the last and most important candle go out.

“That must be a sign. I’m all out of miracles. Turn back. Give up.” He smiled and reached for a stick. “Accept your place in the numbing embrace of the status quo.”

“Mm-mmm,” he hummed, lighting the stick. “I will … relight your candle and extend your prayers through mine.” She smiled as she watched him, knowing he had no idea the intention she placed upon that candle.

“What prayers?” she asked, unable to resist teasing him.

“I can’t tell you. They won’t come true,” he said with a shrug.

“It’s a prayer candle, Mulder. Not a birthday cake.” She laughed and he chuckled softly.

“Prayers aren’t meant to be sentiment. It’s a conversation,” she said, looking down at the candles. “You can do it like a meditation, or if your needs exceed your grasp, you can ask God to act on your behalf. But you don’t believe in God,” she said, glancing up at him. “So you’d essentially be talking to yourself.”

“Well, I might not believe in God, but I believe in you. Therefore I speak to him through you.” She stared at him as he spoke, but he was not finished. “Through the transitive property of equality. If ‘A’ equals ‘B’ and ‘B’ equals ‘C,’ therefore ‘A’ equals ‘C.’ Reason and faith in harmony. Isn’t that why we’re so good together?” he asked her.

She stared at him, raising her eyebrows and moving her head, her eyes dropping to his lips. “Are we together?” He looked down, his face sad and thoughtful. He took a breath and started to answer her, but she cut him off. “You know, I believed I could protect our son, and I failed. I thought we could live together, and I fled.” She looked at him sideways, almost unable to meet his gaze head on. “I gave up on that, too.” She looked down and kept her eyes on the candles,

“If only you’d fled earlier,” he said and she looked at him. “You know how many times I’ve envisioned that scenario, where you left that basement office before I even needed glasses? You’d have your health, your dog, your sister.” He stared at her and she stared back. “You’d be Kersh’s boss at the FBI, and be married to some brain surgeon, and have a bunch of kids that you wouldn’t have to give up.”

She took a breath, waiting a beat. “Mulder, I don’t begrudge you any of those things. That’s not what I was talking about,” she said, looking down and then back up at him again.

“Well, what are we talking about, Scully? Because I don’t know if any God is listening, but I am standing right here, and I am listening. Right beside you. I’m all ears. That’s my choice.”

She stared at him, millions of thoughts running through her head. How she gave up William, gave up on them, and ran away. She did leave, but it had been for good reason, and yet … Still though, one thing had remained the same no matter the hurt and the pain they caused each other. He was there beside her, and she knew he always would be, no matter the context or label.

She looked around the church, having no idea how he even knew she would be there, and looked to see if anyone was around before she leaned forward and began to whisper in his ear. She thought about what she wanted to say, what words would be enough to convey her innermost feelings and desires.

“I’m ready, Mulder. For everything. I want my mystery answered and to stop chasing monsters.” He stood still and stared at her. She needed him to understand, to know her heart completely.

“That’s not my four-year-old self looking for a miracle,” she said, taking a deep breath. “That’s my leap of faith forward. And I’d like to do it together.”

Mulder nodded and kept his eyes on her. “I’ve always wondered how this was gonna end.” He stared at her before turning to pick up a stick and light the last remaining candle.

They stood there and watched the flame flicker and then his hand was holding hers and the tears in her eyes spilled over. “Like a conversation, you said?” he asked softly and she nodded, wiping at her eyes. He took a deep breath and squeezed her hand, keeping his eyes on the candles, as she watched his face.

“You didn’t flee, you saved us both. You didn’t give up on anything Scully, least of all me, or us. You saved us." He turned to her and stared into her eyes. “I told you years ago that you saved me, and that is just as true today as it was then. Even more so. You’ve been saving me for twenty five years, Scully. Keeping me honest and making me a whole person. Even apart, you are what keeps me whole.” He put his hand on her face and stroked her cheek, his thumb brushing away her tears. “Your goddamn strict rationalism. Oh …” He looked up heavenward, horrified, and she laughed, putting her hand over his on her cheek.

She closed her eyes as she laughed and cried, before opening them to look at him. His face was serious, and he let go of her hand to hold her face gently, shaking his head as he did.

“I stopped seeing you. I looked too far into the dark, and my shining light got left behind. A light only lasts so long before it goes out, the darkness swallowing it up." He shook his head and she cried harder, holding onto his wrist. “If you had stayed, your light would have gone out and we both … Scully, I can’t even fathom it. You didn’t flee, you made a decision that hurt. We were broken, and you saved us from being broken beyond repair. Any other form of breaking …” He sighed and shook his head.

She closed her eyes again, and he rested his forehead against hers. She took shaky breaths and then pulled back, looking at him, the man she loved for most of her life. She moved her hand from his wrist and stepped back, moving his hands from her face, holding them in her own. She looked down at their hands, his so large, keeping hers safe within.

“Scully,” he said so quietly, it was like a breath. He interlocked their fingers and squeezed as she looked up at him. He searched her face and she smiled softly. He glanced at the candles and took a breath. “I don’t know where to begin, how to answer our mystery, Scully. I don’t know how to find someone who is determined to stay hidden, as he should, but …” He turned his head to her and smiled gently. “Without hesitation, I would go to the ends of the earth to find him, if that’s what I need to do.”

“For the second time?” she said with a soft smile and he smiled with a nod.

“I know a guy with access to a snow cat,” he said with a shrug, and she laughed softly before letting go of his hands and stepping closer to him, her hands on his chest. He stared at her, and she sighed.

“I love you, Mulder,” she whispered. He grinned and put his hands on her waist, holding her lightly.

“If I kiss you, will the lightning hit me?” he asked softly, and she laughed again.

“It won’t, but I might if you don’t,” she said quietly, and he nodded, bending his head and kissing her softly, making her heart race. He straightened up and his hands pulled her closer, his forehead once more falling to hers.

“I love you, Scully. More than you could ever quantify or understand,” he whispered, and she smiled.

“Show off,” she whispered back, his answering chuckle making her smile.

They stood there, in front of the light of the candles, the beauty of the stained glass beside them, foreheads pressed together, and silent prayers being said between them. She closed her eyes, her decision made, her heart at peace. He was there, holding the other end of the line, making sure to never let her go again.

____________________________________________________

Like I said, I choose to focus on the less gory aspects of the episode as the MSR is so much better to gaze upon anyway. For so many reasons. 

[rwbyremnants]

PLEASE NOTE: Extreme kink, including lots of petplay. Further warnings at the beginning of each chapter (but the warnings include spoilers). If you have a problem with that please don't read. These are gonna be looooong chapters again. 15-20 pages, depending.

Welcome back to the universe of White Noise! Sorry this took so long to get posting, I wanted it to be the best it can be before posting the first chapter. Hopefully you'll enjoy all the craziness from myself and B.A.Y. that you've come to expect, and maybe a few new surprises. For those of you into Princess and the Dragons, don't worry, it's not going anywhere.

Happy reading!

=Chapter 1

Is this weird? Showing up to someone's place just for this stuff? Is this weird it's my sister's girlfriend's sister?

These were all questions Ruby Rose was asking herself as she rode the elevator of the Schnee Records building. She had been a couple of times with Yang and Weiss before, mainly for helping Weiss move out to their lakeside home. Other than that, she'd never stayed for an extended period. A few years ago she would have just died to be in here.

But she was there for an entirely different purpose today: to see Winter, whose number she obtained after their brief meeting in The Clamp. There were one or two initial debates against it, but after what felt like an eternity, Winter had agreed to assist Ruby in her first Pet Play experience. She promised a safe environment, with no strict rules. Just a fun test.

Winter had been busy for a couple of weeks herself, having to deal with all the media coverage the Schnee family was getting thanks to their new arrival, but she had managed to free up an evening for Ruby. As much as Ruby insisted it was no trouble moving it, Winter reassured her that she needed the time off, to focus on something other than making sure any news stories were purely casting a good light on her favourite couple.

Finally working up the courage to knock on the door, Ruby stood with her hands behind her back, idly hopping up and down on her toes as she waited.

Why did she ask for my sizes for clothes and stuff? Maybe this is weird… but hey, I guess we're behind closed doors. How bad can it be?

When the door creaked open, there stood Winter Schnee, towering over the younger girl by several inches. Her black leather boots and beige sweater-dress only left her knees exposed, which was quite conservative given what they were planning on doing with themselves that evening.

"Ruby," Winter said with a pleasant smile, almost a professional one. "Do come in. I was beginning to worry you might have reconsidered."

"Sorry I'm late! Somebody pushed all the buttons on the elevator for the way up here…" When that only roused suspicion, she laughed nervously, scratching the back of her head.

“Quite alright. I’m just glad you’re here now.”

Soon enough, she got over the initial nerves and stepped forward into the room. Everything was so classy! From the water feature to one side to the occasional potted plant. She expected nothing less from one of the Schnee daughters. Although, there was something out of place.

"I thought you were more of a pricey-wine kinda gal?" she asked, pointing at the abandoned beer bottle her roommate had left to one side the sofa.

"Drat," Winter sighed as she spotted it, dashing over to snatch it up. "I did have company earlier. Sorry about this - I tidied the whole room and somehow missed this!" Already heading for the kitchen, she asked over her shoulder, "What's your pleasure?"

"Huh? O-oh! Um, do you have anything strawberry-y?"

Ruby still couldn't believe the situation she was in. Her sister's fiancé's sister's apartment. Her idol's sister. No one would have believed it if she had not told Blake and Penny. But as much as she wanted to blog about it, she knew she couldn't. This arrangement was strictly confidential; no one apart from a select few could know no matter what. Either way, it was going to be a hell of an experience.

"You are… in luck!" Winter announced when she returned a few minutes later. In one hand, she had what looked to be a dry martini with two olives, and in the other, a bottle of what the label proclaimed to be "strawberry ale". The liquid inside certainly was red enough. "Only had the one in the far back, but I'm fairly certain these things don't go 'bad'." It was already open, and she proffered the bottle. "Something light to start off for you? I think it's fitting for this evening."

"Thanks! Yeah, I think I'm gonna need it…" she agreed, taking the bottle from her and lightly tapping it against Winter's glass before she took the first sip. After a moment of standing awkwardly, she took a seat on the sofa. Sat upright and professional, the poor girl looked as though she was about to have a job interview than more intimate acts!

"Sorry, I'm still so new to all this," she admitted, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

Of course, Winter did suppress a little chuckle, and even hid the wider smile behind her glass. It was too adorable, and she wanted to reach over and pinch her cheek.

"Just don't worry. We have the entire apartment to ourselves, and no one's going to judge you here. Tell me what's on your mind."

"No other company?"

“Nope.” Luckily so. Qrow was out at Taiyang's for the evening while they both took turns looking after the little one for Yang and Weiss. Not that Ruby was aware her uncle was living in Winter's apartment. That would have been a mood-ruiner.

Taking another gulp of ale to try and calm her nerves, she crossed her legs nervously. "To tell you the truth I… Have only really done sex stuff a few times. And that was completely vanilla stuff! My partner’s not into receiving, so I'm not gonna be too good at the giving part."

"Oh?" The elder woman was genuinely surprised. "Well… to tell you the truth, I hadn't been intending to do anything underneath the clothes tonight. Just to test you out with a few things here and there, try some commands. Get you acclimated." Her head tilted slightly to one side. "Did… you think you were going to walk in here and I would fuck you silly?"

She lifted her spare hand to twirl a strand of hair around her finger over and over again out of habit. Something to distract herself from how nervous she really was. With a light dusting of red to her cheeks, she said in a quieter tone. "Well, I mean… isn’t that what most of the people at that crazy club were doing?"

For a moment, Winter was silent as she watched Ruby fidget. Observed the healthy flush of youthful uncertainty in her cheeks. Then she took another sip of her martini, set it on the coffee table, and turned to face her fully.

"I wouldn't do that to you unless you asked for it specifically. And yes, by all means, the next time you come over - if there is a next time - I can jerk you in the front door and have your clothes off in under a minute. But not tonight. I want us to get used to each other and try some easy things."

Her reassurance was certainly starting to help. Quite visibly her shoulders slackened, and she took another sip of the beverage before smiling gratefully. "I appreciate it! I'm just… I dunno, I'm so nervous about being too weird about things. Last time someone only mentioned the stuff they did in a truth or dare game and I was completely losing it. And even that was nothing compared to the stuff at the club!"

Cringing slightly away, Winter laughed as she said, "It's alright, I… well, I'm a little surprised Blake and Sun threw you into the deep end like that, but I'm sure it certainly gave you a few ideas of things for us to try! As we have discussed off and on, of course."

"They kind of did, but I guess I needed it. For myself, I mean. At least now I can look into that sort of stuff for research and not have an internal freak out about it." Taking another sip of her drink, she suddenly seemed to smile whilst in the middle of a sip, drawing it away. "Like before they took me there, all I had to do was remember what Yang said about her and Weiss recording one of their strap on sessions and I'd be completely…"

The instant the later name left her lips, she froze up. She herself had grown numb to her sister talking about her moments with her lover - mainly since it was Weiss, who she did want to hear about. But no doubt for Winter, that would be the opposite.

"Oh my God, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean to, I-I mean I… We- um…"

"No, no, it's okay," Winter half-laughed, lowering her eyes to watch how Ruby kept fiddling with the hem of her black flounce skirt. It really suited the red tank top and red sneakers, but it was probably a little more leg than the younger woman was used to showing off - even if it was only her calves. If anything, the shapeliness of them was helping her ignore the mental image of their sisters engaging in acts that were better off not pictured.

However, to keep herself from getting a little TOO focused on Ruby's body, she took up her martini and sipped at it again. "So… over text, I believe we settled on a couple of things you wanted to try. First, just some 'first date' fun, like kissing and caressing. You also wanted to try the 'naughty schoolgirl', and the 'bad puppy', I think? Or did you decide about being written on like those twins in the club?"

Rather glad for the change of subject, she nodded reassuringly. Most of all she was glad Winter didn't think too badly of her for bringing up what her sister had done with hers in the bedroom. "The Bad Puppy is definitely one, but the writing part I'm still not sure. My partner's only condition to this is that she sees no evidence, so I don't wanna get marked then her to find it all over me, you know?"

"Oh, that's a good point. Hmm… alright, I'll try to keep any other marks to a minimum, as well." When Ruby's eyes widened, she grinned in understanding at her shock. "I'm not talking about anything extreme, just… hickeys are actually very easy to leave if you aren't paying attention, too."

"Oh, right yeah! I wasn't even thinking of hickeys but I… Guess they would…" Swallowing again, she quickly took another long swig of ale in an attempt to keep herself sane. The very thought of hickeys being something Winter could so easily accomplish was enough to make her feel nervous once again. The poor girl really was to be probably her least experienced sub.

Something about the way Ruby was so nervous was most definitely bringing out the Dom in Winter. She wanted to get started right away, to take control of the uncertain little thing and steer her in the direction she wished. But that would come in time.

"Listen… would you like to watch a movie with me?"

Taken aback by the sudden suggestion, she blinked for a moment, finally lowering the bottle from her lips as she swallowed again. "You mean… You actually want to, with me? Like, cover the actual 'first date' stuff?"

"I would. I mean, most of what I watch is documentaries, but feel free to select something else." Debating with herself for a few seconds, she decided to be forthright. "You seem willing to proceed, but not quite mentally prepared for it. The most sensible course of action is just take it off the table and come back to it later. You've never even been in my apartment before, have you?"

Yet again, Winter gave her relief. At least she wasn't all too disappointed in how nervous she seemed, or her strange requests for rather platonic things. She seemed more than willing to let her get used to things before they began their play.

"Not yours, no," Ruby admitted, putting the bottle down on the coffee table. "I went to Weiss's when she was moving out, but hers had barely anything really. You actually look like you… live here…"

With a quiet chuckle, Winter stood up from the sofa, carrying her drink along. "You're not wrong. Weiss never really made this building 'home'. Would you like the grand tour?"

Right away she seemed to brighten up again, collecting her bottle and giving a polite smile. "I'd like that! I have a feeling this apartment is probably bigger than my dad's house."

"Oh, I doubt that, but we'll see."

The tour didn't take that long. Winter led her through the dining room and kitchen, asking if Ruby wanted another drink; she declined, given that she was still working on the first. She didn't show her the spare bedroom, stating that it was just a mess of storage and not interesting. Then the bathroom, and wrapping up the tour…

"And this is the bedroom," she finished with a flourish. "Where the magic happens. Also, where sleep happens."

"Magic is good. Sleep is good too. Everything’s super good."

As the door opened to the bedroom, Ruby took in the various sights. The bed, with beams that looked too sturdy than was necessary, the various wardrobes, some that seemed locked for some reason. Everything pointed to this being a common place for her to bring back people for these activities.

"Everything is good," Winter echoed. Though she was still standing back by the door and gazing up and down Ruby's form. Considering possibilities. Then she cleared her throat and smiled. "Unless you want to try on some of my shoes or something, there isn't much else to see in here, I'm afraid. Not yet, anyway." The last was somewhat suggestive, but she was trying to keep it to a minimum until the girl was more comfortable.

"Sounds like you and Weiss have had too many slumber parties. Talking about swapping clothes, trying on shoes…" Ruby giggled to herself. Though she wanted to power herself into going in head first, she knew in her own mind it would be a bad move. She wasn't ready, and would need to be it they were going to go further. Relaxing for a while was a good idea.

“Does it sound like that?” Winter breathed with a melancholy smile.

Whoops. Ruby sensed she had stepped on a land mine. "So… movie?"

"Of course." Leaving the room behind them, along with its ominous possibilities, Winter went on, "Why don't I set you up with my Netflix so you can pick something good, and then I'll pop us some popcorn? Unless you're a bit hungrier. I have several takeout menus."

"Popcorn is fine! Unless you're hungry, in which case I'll have something. Or if you're not we'll just stick to popcorn, I'm easy like that." But upon realising the irony of that last sentence, how when she they were leaving the bedroom to head back to the living room again, she laughed nervously. "Foodwise, I mean."

After taking a minute to mull that over, she asked, "Just answer quick, don't overthink it; pizza or Chinese?"

It didn't even take her a few seconds to decide. "Not to sound stereotypical because I'm half that, but… Chinese."

"Well then, my little wonton," she chuckled. By this point, she had turned on the TV and was just getting Netflix pulled up, but she took a moment to smile over at Ruby. "I'll get the menu for Hunan Dragon. Anything you want is yours."

"Ooo! Do they do crispy noodles or mushroom chow mein? I love that!" She grinned happily, taking her seat on the sofa as she eagerly waited for Winter to return with the menu. Maybe the evening wouldn't be so bad after all.

---------------------------------------------

An hour later, they were about halfway through their selected film, and their cartons of noodles and rice. Winter had opted for something with a lot of vegetables and a very slight amount of spice, and Ruby had her beloved chow mein, and they split an order of crab rangoons between them. Both of them were on their second drinks; the cumulative effect was beginning to show in them, but the aid of food was keeping either woman from turning into a bumbling fool just yet.

"You know, I never understood these films," Winter was saying as she finished off the last of her white rice. That they had been sitting closer and closer had not escaped her, but she hadn't been forcing it, either. "Why is he a wizard? Why him and not his brother, the fat one?"

"Because Dudley's a muggle, he can't see magic – and he’s a cousin, so he didn’t get the magical bloodline. Plus, he's not very nice until the very last book, but the film deleted the scene where he and Harry forgive each other which always annoys me." Ruby commented, clearly a fan of the series considering she admitted to reading the books as well as seeing the films. Now that one bottle had been finished, she found the confidence to lean further back into the sofa, and barely even noticed she was leaning against Winter's shoulder.

"Maybe we should draw a lightning bolt on your forehead," Winter chuckled, poking the tip of her index finger into the bridge-rest of Ruby's glasses. "Or would Penny be upset about that?"

"Over a lightning bolt?" Weakly shrugging her shoulders in the end, she simply giggled to herself. "Well if we taped my glasses up, we could say it's a cosplay."

"But didn't the bushy-haired girl fix that?" Taking a calculated risk, she draped her arm around Ruby's shoulders. Her intoxication level was just enough that the action looked entirely natural instead of stiff or unsure.

As luck would have it, Ruby didn't notice. In fact, she leant into the action a little more, resting her head rather contentedly against Winter's shoulder and nuzzling into it. "Because he doesn't know the spell but Hermione does! He's gotta learn it."

Nodding, Winter laid her own head against Ruby's as she sighed. "Ah. Well, I guess that's why they're at this school, isn't it?" Then crossed her legs in the opposite direction as she settled in more. "Thank you for teaching me the ways of the wizards."

Giving a small nod, she nuzzled against Winter yet again. Thanks to the mingling alcohol in her system, and the warm presence, she felt more than comfortable doing so. No longer was she worried about the fact it was someone in such an odd relation to her. All she cared about was that the warmth was welcoming.

"Thank you for letting me! Penny isn't all too interested in Harry Potter, nor Yang. Never really been able to nerd about it."

Stroking very idly up and down Ruby's bicep, she said, "Really? I find that surprising; Penny seems exactly the type."

The idle stroking was starting to awaken something in her. She had cuddled Penny before in the same way against the sofa at home, even cuddled in bed before they went to sleep. But when she knew Winter's intentions for the evening, and her own for that matter, it seemed to be the first step to initiate things.

To try and give Winter the upper hand, she began to tilt her head more, exposing more of her neck for the woman she was leaning against. "Nah… she's more Star Wars."

"Now there's a franchise I really didn't understand. Seemed more of a 'boys club'. But I guess it isn't if your friend is a fan." Winter didn't miss the tilt of the neck, and couldn't help but focus on it for a moment. But then she forced her eyes back to the movie. Ruby might not have even been entirely aware she was doing it, and she didn't want to overstep her bounds. Not yet.

"Girlfriend." Ruby had to correct. Even if it seemed like a minor detail, it was something that a lot of people forgot. Understandable perhaps, with them not being the most intimate couple, but it was important to Ruby.

And yet there she was, having agreed to come to another's apartment to engage in very intimate acts. Acts that she was still trying to leave hints she was ready for at last by leaving her neck exposed, and stroking one of Winter's legs idly.

The hand on the leg was a much more obvious green light than anything else. One Winter seized upon. "Sorry, 'girlfriend' it is," she said, raising the hand that had been on her arm to her neck and grazing the very tips of her fingernails up and down the skin. "I didn't want to make an assumption, and it seems I did in the other direction."

"It's okay. It's just not a… sexual… relationship." Now they were getting somewhere. The tips of her nails were creating small sensations of their own, right in such a sensitive part of her. One that didn't receive much attention from her partner apart from the odd peck. Continuing to stroke Winter's legs, she further adjusted her position, shuffling a little closer.

"I… have a question to ask you, if you don't mind," Winter breathed, her voice intentionally sensual as the scratching continued, as she bobbed one calf up and down to show she had noticed where Ruby's hand was. "But I don't have to ask it. We can go back to Harry and his wizardly world if you want."

Is this it? It was all she could ask herself. She had no idea what to expect, but assumed this would lead to the activities they had chatted about. Only one way to find out.

"What's that?"

No backing down now. Raising her neck up, Winter also gently pushed Ruby's upright so that she could stare into her eyes, holding her silvery gaze.

"Sorry if this isn't very sexy, but it's important." Clearing her throat, she went on, "You may be intoxicated. As you are, I can't just assume you're willing to… do things. Not like I would if you were definitely sober. I have to ask, and hear a clear answer. Am I allowed to kiss you?"

"…Oh." Well, it was one of her requests. Kissing was something she was reasonable at, something she and Penny did occasionally. But it was something she wanted to improve on. With a nod, she smiled. "Yes."

"For future reference," Winter breathed as she began to stroke the side of Ruby's neck again, turning in her seat so that they were facing each other properly, "am I allowed to touch your body?"

It sent another shiver down her spine. Oh how good that attention felt… she craved more of it, more attention to her body in general. If Winter could entice her by stroking her neck alone, what more was she capable of?

"You are."

A light smile pulled at her lips as the hand raised to tease lightly across cheek and temple. "Am I allowed… to take off your glasses, Harry?"

A smile that was mirrored in Ruby's own face. However, that was accompanied by the biting of her lip. Feeling a small bout of confidence for herself, she whispered, "If you'd like… or you could do that in the bedroom?"

"Hmm…" Reaching up, she gently pulled the glasses down her nose until they slipped out from behind her ears. Her mouth opened in a small, pretend-gasp. "Well, look at that; I can do it just fine right here."

"But I was trying- I- ugh, I have no game!" Her attempt at seduction seemed to have failed. But it did at least get that small barrier out of the way. She was still smiling back at Winter rather than fleeing. And she still had a hand on her thigh.

"I hope this isn't too forward," Winter told her as the fingers slid down to her neck, "but you are absolutely beautiful." Their noses were almost touching. "Very much so."

"What? My glasses?" she tried to joke, leaning in so their noses touched. Maybe that would give Winter that little bit more incentive to begin.

"Did I say you, or your glasses?" The question may have been rhetorical, but she wasn't above driving her point home as her lips came to within a hair's breadth of Ruby's. Then she breathed, barely a whisper, "With or without them, you're stunning."

"Thank you." Usually she would argue, be unable to take such a compliment. But when it was coming from Winter Schnee, it seemed only fair that she take it. Why would Winter lie, anyway?

When she noticed how close their lips truly were, she finally let them reach their goal. Going forward the final fraction of an inch, she allowed her lips to come into contact with Winter's, kneading against them gently.

The kiss was not overly emotional, not a hungry, needy one such as might have taken place if the two of them were romantically interested in one another. But that wasn't to say Winter didn't allow her carnal desires to show through slightly as her lips pushed against Ruby's over and over, as their bodies drew slightly closer the longer it went on.

As time flew by, the two had ended up shuffling their bodies together onto the sofa. Ruby lay eagerly on top of the more dominant woman, kissing back with just as much energy as Winter was putting in. It was a slow, intimate kiss. One clearly to set the pace of how they wanted their evening to go. Anything more would have ruined the moment.

Though Winter was about to up the pace, now that they had at least grown a little more accustomed to the closeness. One hand remained just behind her head, but the other was gliding further down her back, resting just above her hindquarters, rubbing in light circles.

A soft hum sounded from her. A hum that showed she approved of Winter's actions. And when she pushed her backside more against Winter's hand to encourage more contact, it was clear that she was ready to take things up a notch. So she tried to make a few moves of her own, placing one hand on Winter's neck to hold her in place, and the other against her hip, running up and down her side slowly.

Then Winter's hand drifted past her end to begin hitching up her skirt, and inch at a time. It didn't take long to get it bunched enough to touch her thigh directly, which she did so, lightly, teasing. At the same time, she also allowed her own mouth to fall open; should Ruby be ready for that, the way was now clear for her.

This is so nice… Winter is a good kisser. Yet again, she was fretting at herself internally, but she took the chance. Allowing her tongue to enter, she seemed to be beaming happily when they connected, allowing them to brush against one another slowly. No fierce battles, just gentle contact.

I wonder if Weiss kisses like this… I mean, they are sisters. Then she verbally berated herself, Oh my god… do NOT think about that, Ruby Rose. Do NOT think about how she looks like Weiss! That’s not cool! Winter is her own person, and she’s really hot! And nice!

For a few minutes, they remained like that, Winter's hand just resting on the back of Ruby's bare thigh and their tongues dancing with each other in a sensuous ballet. The more they writhed back and forth, the more she wanted, until she finally withdrew to gaze up at her, panting and breathless.

"You… are a quick study, Ruby."

Completely red, Ruby could only smile back giddily to the older Schnee. She knew not if it was to do with the alcohol, or just from how good the kiss was. Either way, it had accomplished what they wanted; she was feeling more than prepared to progress.

"Then teach me more," she encouraged, stroking Winter's side again.

Winter held her gaze as she slid her hand up to grip Ruby's rear firmly. Then she let out a small chuckle. "Are these silk? Very nice."

"EEP!" Feeling something as basic as Winter grasping one of her cheeks was enough to make that blush deepen, and she already looked a sight! But rather than edge away from the hand, she nodded, remaining still.

"Y-yeah… I really, really like silk, even… if I’ve never had any before today."

"I have some in the fridge." When Ruby's eyebrows drew together, she laughed, one of the most full laughs she had given in the girl's presence. "Silk. You know… the soy milk. Sorry, bad joke."

"Soy milk, huh?" She giggled at Winter's attempt at humour. She really was like her sister in that respect. No, time to cut that thought off before it came back again. And to do so, she bit her lip for a moment, before leaning in toward her ear and whispering, "It's got a matching bra, too."

Shivering slightly, Winter held her in place and whispered back in kind, "I wouldn't mind seeing that."

"Then…" Biting her lip once again, she looked into the icy blue eyes of her elder, and then toward the rear hallway leading to the bedrooms. "Do you wanna…?"

The smile she got in return was the barest amount more wolfish than any Winter had allowed herself up until that point. "You know things will move a lot faster once we're in there," she breathed as she sat up, kissing her lips briefly again. "Is that what you want?"

With the hand still on her rear, she allowed a moment to clench herself slightly against it, but it brought on an even bigger grin. She liked it, and was prepared for the pace to increase. "You bet."

However, Winter had something else in mind that Ruby might not have been prepared for. In a single fluid motion, she rose from the sofa and swept the smaller woman into her arms, sneakers dangling off to one side as she gazed down into her wide eyes.

"Shall we, then?"

There was another surprised yelp from Ruby. Within an instant, she threw her arms around Winter's neck for balance, looking back up into the icy blue eyes again. Once used to the weightless feeling of being in another's arms, she allowed herself to giggle. "We shall!"

And so Winter carried her down the hallway to her bedroom. By the time they entered, however, she was panting and had to drop Ruby quite heavily onto the bed.

"Whoo! Sorry, it's… not that you're heavy, just that my usual… yoga routine doesn't include so much… lifting!"

There was one more smaller yelp when she landed on the bed, but the instant she looked up at Winter's exhausted expression, she laughed to herself, quickly sitting up to face her. "Well I could have walked it if you were that tired! But y’know, that was fun!"

Taking a deep breath in, Winter let it out slowly, smiling down at her project for the evening. "Now… you had something you wanted to show me?" She was teasing, and it was obvious, but it was also part of the game.

The laughter slowly began to die down with Winter's words. She did somewhat want to show Winter that easily, but somehow she knew Winter wouldn't prefer that. She'd prefer to work for it. Therefore, she pushed her skirt downward again, covering back up the first item that was on show.

"Noooope?"

"Ohhhh," Winter replied, catching on to the teasing tone. "Well then… can I start here?" Her hand reached up to brush the tank top strap on Ruby's shoulder.

Taking a quick gaze at what she was doing, Ruby found her cheeks going red once again. But she nodded in approval. It was just the one sleeve for now, but no doubt she knew Winter would be taking the entire top off.

"That reminds me…" she trailed off, stopping Winter from progressing. "Why did you want my clothing sizes?"

"Don't worry about that right now," she reassured her gently as she traced her fingertip over the strap. Red. That told her Ruby was definitely in the state of mind to do fun things together, and had been in the planning of their evening. To that end, she asked, "Are you ready for me to get you out of these clothes?"

Despite her previous want for Winter to work at it, she was too desperate to see what the night entailed. Too eager to keep going. With a small nod, she raised her arms for Winter to do as she pleased. "Ready."

With no further delay, Winter began to peel the tank up and over Ruby's head, tossing it up toward the pillows. Then she ran her hands over the smooth stomach that had been revealed, gentle and attentive.

"I like your bra," she told her quite simply. "Red is your colour, definitely."

Smiling back warmly, she leant into Winter's touch willingly. It felt good to have such soft hands making their way over its surface, especially those of Winter Schnee. "Thank you," she whispered. "Everyone else seems to think so. E-everyone that I've shown, I mean."

"Do you show a lot of people your bra? Interesting…" But then she laughed to show she was only joking as the hands slid down Ruby's hips and legs, removing her shoes. Then she glanced down… and snorted with further laughter.

"You have socks with bunnies on them."

Ruby ended up covering her face with her hands, groaning outward in embarrassment. Instinctively she drew her legs back in, trying to keep them out of Winter's view. "UGH, I knew I shoulda picked a plain pair!"

Still chuckling, Winter patted her calf. They were no-shows; it was easily enough remedied, and she didn't want to embarrass Ruby any more than was necessary. Not when they were still growing used to each other. In a heartbeat, her fingers and thumbs pinched between the two longest toes on each foot and yanked the socks free, dropping them on top of the sneakers.

"Problem solved. See? Don't worry about it, I was only teasing."

Slowly dragging her hands down her face again, she began to peek over them, trying still to keep her blush hidden from Winter. But a sign that she appreciated such reassurance came when she brought her leg forward, and lightly tapped Winter’s shoulder with her foot. "Just don't want to ruin the mood."

"You haven't," he promised her, catching the foot and kissing the soft curve of her calf muscle. "Relax. I'm going to slip into something more comfortable, if you don't mind."

"Not at all." She began to smile. Although, her hands had began to train down her own body teasingly, until they got to the waistline of her skirt. In an attempt to be just as sultry as Winter, she half closed her eyes. "Do you want me to remove this for when you get back?"

"Please, if you prefer." Then she opened her wardrobe, acquired a couple of things that she hid behind herself, and backed toward the Japanese folding screen. "I'll try not to take too long, but if I do… well, you can help yourself to another drink."

"I think you're trying to get me drunk," she joked, but continued to smile and giggle to herself as Winter vanished behind the screen. In a quick movement, she had her skirt off and on the floor with the rest of her clothes, and lay back on the bed by herself.

Okay Ruby, be sexy. And be you. Be sexy-you! And don't think about how much she looks like Weiss or how much you want to blog about this!

That last thought had her covering her face yet again. Why couldn't she get that thought out of her mind? Weiss was with her sister, engaged to her sister! Thinking such thoughts about her was wrong, especially when she was about to be sleeping with someone else. And yet, she had pined for Weiss for years before Yang started working for her. Those feelings weren't going to vanish easily.

Alright! Just… Just don't end up calling her name or something. That'd be humiliating.

Meanwhile, there were a few ominous noises from behind the screen. Clinking and clunking. Had Winter been wearing a belt before? Not that she had seen. It certainly was taking a while for her to finish.

"Almost done, I promise!" Winter grunted eventually.

"O-okay!" While she was waiting, she thought she might as well make an effort to appear appealing, and so raised her hands either side her head. She remembered the few poses she'd managed to see in a few magazines and attempted to copy one of them, to try and appear as sexy as possible with one hand on her hip, lying on her side.

Yeah, nailed it.

When Winter came out from behind the screen, she was wearing a silky, pale blue kimono-style robe over a matching negligee. Nothing more. She had even taken her hair out of its usual bun, and it cascaded down her shoulders in gentle waves of platinum.

"Oh…" Turning her gaze toward the older woman as she lay back on the bed, she found her cheeks lighting up again. Beautiful, again something like she'd find in a magazine, like she'd aimed for in the first place. It was enough to entice her, flatter Winter's form, and put her at ease all at once.

Okay... Winter is no consolation-Weiss. She’s a heck of a woman all on her own. Don’t screw this up, Ruby!

"Do you like it? I…" Winter hesitated, then looked down a little bashfully. "I've actually never had occasion to wear it for someone. I mean, you know what sort of activities I usually get up to, and they don't involve… well, I'd be wearing something with more spikes."

"Or nothing, I guess. It does look really pretty, and suits you!"

The tiniest bit of pink was in Winter's cheeks now. "Thank you. And you look fantastic in that, honestly." Planting herself on the side of the bed, she reached over to trace a hand up and down Ruby's thigh. "Enticing."

"I tried my best. I didn't know what you'd like or if you even liked girls that much, so I… figured I'd try something out." She smiled, watching Winter's every move eagerly. Those hands could work miracles, she was sure.

"Normally, I'm not dead set against them or especially interested. But you're very… persuasive somehow." Leaning down, she pressed her lips into the flat surface just above Ruby's navel. It was such a light touch, like the whisper of a ghost. It was enough to coax a giggle from her, and to continue to watch Winter's actions.

So she was one of a few, eh? Or one of the only ones? That was unexpected. It was certainly enough to make the girl feel very special. And all she wanted to do was please her elder.

Which reminded her… "I think," she began, licking her lips lightly from nerves. "I think I wanna try the bad puppy first."

"We can do that," Winter sighed, kissing lower. Then she paused, eyes turning upward without the rest of her face doing so. "Or that is… did you mean right now?"

Biting her lip once again, she hesitated. Winter seemed to want to finish her with her mouth already. Maybe that was her plan, to finish once regularly and then begin play after. Such a prospect was making her redder in the face again, and her nerves grew. But play took preparation and set up. It would buy a lot of time for her to prepare for if she did actually let herself be pleasured tonight, and she'd be able to do something for Winter first. With that in mind, she nodded.

"Y-yeah. Yes, please."

"Oh." Winter sat back a little, blinking in obvious surprise. "Well… alright, I suppose we could… yeah."

"J-just so you're not waiting around too long, I mean! I want this to be fun for you, too, so… it’s a party for… everybody!" She fumbled at her words again, nerves seeming to resurface within her. But at the very least, she was willing herself to keep going.

Winter crawled up to lay next to Ruby, draping her arm around her middle. She leaned in as if to kiss her, but turned to whisper into her ear at the last moment. "I was already having fun. Remember when we discussed the 'first date' experience? That's what I was going for. And I was really enjoying it."

"Oh…" Now she felt a fool. That little lie made her out to be assuming things out of place. That wouldn't do. Finally moving her hands from the elegant position she'd kept herself in all this time, she rolled to face her, looking up nervously. "Then… can we keep kissing and hugging a while then? I’m not sure I wanna do more stuff just yet."

"Absolutely." There wasn't even a moment's hesitation, and she had been smiling gently the entire time. "And we don't have to do 'more stuff' at all." Pressing her lips into Ruby's, she slid the arm around to push into her back and hold them closer together, eyes sliding closed.

To accept that response, Ruby slid her arms around Winter in return. One hand went straight into her long, platinum hair, holding her head against her so they could continue to kiss longer. The other had began to rub up and down her back.

"Silk…" She couldn't help but smile to herself, eager to touch more softness, to embrace it. It was a little thing, but one she loved.

A lot sooner than their previous kiss, their tongues were sliding together, and now their bare legs were tangling, holding each other in a tighter embrace still. A heated little groan floated out of Winter's throat into the space between their lips at the pleasant sensations. And Ruby returned the favour. She continued to slide her tongue against Winter's, humming with interest at the sensations. Unable to help herself, she managed to sneak one of her legs between Winter's, using it to bring her in closer.

Another unintended side effect was a soft moan she made into her mouth. One that clearly signalled something. Once the leg glided up high enough, Winter hummed again, the slender thigh pressing into her through the silk material of her nightie. She found herself completely fascinated with the way Ruby could be both frightened and bold at the same time; such a unique paradox.

Eventually, Ruby broke away the kiss with one final moan of her own. But it wasn't over yet. She continued to embrace the older woman, cuddle her up closely and feel around her body. That counted at the first date experience, right? To cuddle and kiss in undies?

That was when Winter remembered something else Ruby seemed to enjoy. Her mouth sought out the vulnerable neck, kneading into it and grazing it with her teeth every so often as they shifted against each other.

"Oooh…" Ruby seemed to purr out, allowing her eyes to fall shut while her fragile neck was attacked and kissed. It was one of her weaknesses, more than she cared to admit. On the odd occasion Penny was feeling up to things, it was always the first place she aimed for. Gripping more of the silken clothing, she relaxed into the various fussings over her body, growling with delight at them all. Silken clothes and soft lips - she was in heaven!

"You smell divine," Winter told her after a few more minutes of light play. Her hands and legs had not moved any further, though every once in awhile, her hips rolled slightly up against the thigh.

"So do you." She hadn't really thought about it before, but she did. It was a soft fragrance that reminded her of the cold air, like on the rare holiday they used to take in the northern states for skiing. But how contradictory it was that Winter smelled so cold, yet made her feel so warm in an embrace.

One of the woman's experienced fingers slid up Ruby's back just under the strap of her bra, grazing up and down lightly. There was no move made toward the clasp, only to titillate the skin that had been hiding underneath. And she gasped. Though Ruby was prepared for this eventuality, she didn't think Winter would be so eager! Even if it was just to touch the skin beneath, it was more than welcome. In fact…

"Do you want it off?" she asked, backing her head away for a moment so she could look into those icy blue eyes again.

"Do you want it off?" Winter countered easily, though her hand withdrew from under the straps to rest very gently against the clasp. "I want what you want."

She didn't answer with words. Only with a more confident action. Reaching behind her, she managed to unclasp the bra rather easily, soon bringing it forward and off her chest. After throwing it aside with the rest of her clothes, she looked back to Winter for her approval.

But all Winter did at first was to lean down and leave light kisses on the top of each breast, well away from the sensitive peaks. Then she leaned her head up again to leave a tiny peck on the tip of her nose.

Giggling yet again, Ruby could only continue to smile. Winter truly did know how to put her at ease, with every little step. Even when half naked, she didn't feel afraid. In fact, the light kisses had her feeling something very strange. Empowered.

Speaking of which… "I think I'm ready now. For real, this time."

"Ready for what?" Then she made sure to follow up with, "You can tell me, or show me. Whichever works for you. Also, you can feel free to do whatever you want to me tonight if you feel up to some exploration."

"Ready to begin… playing," she clarified. Slightly hunching her shoulders as she smiled up at Winter, she then looked over toward the wardrobe. Winter had seemed to very quickly get what she wanted, then suddenly shut it before Ruby could get a good look. No doubt there were more items in there for these methods of play. "I'm pretty curious how you'll dress me up."

Chuckling, Winter left one last kiss on Ruby's cheek before rising. “You say that now. We’ll see.”

[okimargarvez]

PUSH TO THE LIMITS

Original title: Push to the limits.

Prompt: post 12x7, Luke tries to make amends.

Warning: none.

Genre: romantic, funny.

Characters: Penelope Garcia, Luke Alvez, Jennifer Jareau.

Pairing: Garvez.

Note: oneshot 63 in Garvez collection.

Legend: 💑😘🎵.

Song mentioned: Perdono, Tiziano Ferro.

GARVEZ STORIES

PUSH TO THE LIMITS

He remains motionless staring at her as she screams at him, before leaving the room, not without having thrown him one last sharp look. The others giggle, arguing over who won the bet, but he just can't concentrate and, with a certain (fatal) delay, comes out in turn, trying to figure out where she may have gone. -Garcia!- he calls her, obviously not getting an answer. -Garcia!- he tries again, not wanting to give up. He straightens his ears, striving to pick up any noise. Nothing. His feet lead him to the IT department. And it is from the corridor that he sees a colored stain running towards the elevators. – Garcia, wait, Garcia!- as soon as the woman hears him, she changes direction, preferring the stairs. Despite her heels she proceeds quickly and safely. He chases her until he reaches the terrace. She is very close to the edge (too much for him), she seems to be looking towards the void. He reaches her walking slowly, step by step, fearing to be able to scare her and cause a far more serious tragedy. -Garcia...- he repeats, when he is a few inches from her. He flanks it and notices tears in the corners of her eyes. It is not really the first time that he sees her in this state; he especially thinks back to the day they discovered that Scratch had threatened Jack, forcing Hotch to resign. This doesn’t make this situation more bearable.

Suddenly, after a good minute of silence, Garcia whirls towards him, with such impetus as to risk unbalancing herself. -What do you want? What else do you want, aren't you satisfied with what you did?- she asks, half screaming and half broken. If at other times she had only pretended to hate him and forced the discomfort she felt when he was around, now she is not simulating at all. -Do you want to make fun of me a little longer?- she slings the last question, naturally rhetorical; then the woman begins to ignore him again, deliberately pretending that he doesn’t exist, that he is not present. But those salty drops are still there, immobile. She has no intention of crying, much less with that infamous being. She will not grant him such honor, to see such an intimate part of her soul.

And the man understands it perfectly. He remains silent, contenting himself with breathing her air, sharing the same space. He looks at her out of the corner of his eye so as not to disturb her too much. He observes all her nuances. The geometries of her dress, for once not particularly low-cut. The fake flower in her hair. Her face red with anger. The slight trembling of the lower lip. After about ten minutes he decides to venture an attempt. -Garcia, I...- he realizes he is babbling, that he looks like a real idiot and doesn’t believe that this can help him win back her graces. He takes a long, deep breath. - I'm sorry, I didn't think you'd take it so badly.- he finally manages to say, not trying at all to disguise his displeasure.

Instead of turning around as suddenly as she did earlier, she prefers to keep looking at the horizon. -And how should I react?- her tone is strangely low, a little lower and he wouldn't be able to hear it. But it is not even a whisper. It doesn't sound like a question and maybe it isn't. -My friends, whom I regard as my family, took advantage of my vulnerability to make fun of me.- if ever there was a way to make him feel even more guilty, even more like shit... she found it. He focuses on every single word, on each of her choices. He has always known that the BAU is different from the other teams, and certainly from his previous one, since Phil is gone, at least. But it is a term above all that hit the mind of the SSA in training. Vulnerability. As if he hadn’t already noticed this characteristic of his! And was it not perhaps an extra element that attracted him towards her, fatally? Wasn't it going to tease his innate sense of protection exactly, his aspiration to play the hero, the knight in shiny armor, with lots of tights?

He realizes that he has been silent for a century, conversing with himself. He is used to doing it, to being his only interlocutor (if he doesn't consider Roxy), but he will have to change his attitude. Now he is part of a team. Of a group. - I don't think...- he says, but Garcia doesn’t even grant him this grace. She turns slowly, raising one of her splendid, very clear hands, with her palm and her fingers extended.

-Shut up.- she says, but her gaze is much sharper than her voice. She is slowly turning off, like a burned-out light bulb. It is an image that Luke doesn’t particularly like, but finds confirmation in her subsequent sentences and in her shaky and deeply desperate tone. -I just want to be able to stay alone for a moment. To reflect.- she voluntarily chooses to seek and find the eyes of the man, before concluding. -Maybe I'm doing something wrong.- she will also be naive, but she is the undisputed genius of her field. How to make the two things fit together? Because she knows, when she wants to, what to say to get a certain effect.

Agent Alvez swallows, failing to try not to be surprised. -You will not want to leave the BAU.- his fear turns into possibility coming out of his mouth. She hadn't really considered it, but she does it now. Luke curses himself for the umpteenth time in less than a quarter of an hour.

Penelope looks away again and shrugs. -I don’t know.- the thing that scares him the most is to understand that she is not lying at all, nor making fun of him. Although he is not that far away, he gets even closer, as far as he can before she rejects him badly. He feels the need to reach out and touch her arm, shoulder, fingers, something. He needs contact with her, not that this is also new. The more she tries to avoid him, the more he is attracted to her. Certainly, it is only one of his self-defeating pastimes, or...

When he is about to reach the goal, i.e. touch her arm (he has decided that it is the least ambiguous part of her body, the friendliest, even if the two of them aren’t friends), the blonde looks at him and he stops. -Hey, no, don't joke about this.- it sounds like a plea, even if it wanted to be a joke, with the aim of getting a smile or at least a pitiful laugh. But she interprets it in a completely different way.

She raises an eyebrow seductively (probably not aiming at this second effect) and scrutinizes him with a stern but also amused air. -Why, are there things you think you shouldn't joke about?- Luke opens his mouth to reply, then realizes that the best choice is to genuflect and beg forgiveness.

He raises both hands like a suspect in arrest. -Touché - she just nods, with a dry gesture of her chin. -I beg your pardon, Garcia, I didn't want to make you feel bad, but...- he uses the puppy look, the big eyes, the tilted head, the tight lips. She couldn’t resist him, the first time he exploited it, to save himself from the accusation of being a liar and that he didn’t like her gifts (this was the real lie! How could he not ever get excited about whatever she had donated to him?).

But today he is decidedly less fortunate. -But you did it anyway, and you ruined everything!- perhaps noticing their closeness, Garcia pushes him away, only to move (with extreme relief from the man, who is trying to recover from that sudden contact) in a safer area of the terrace.

He follows her, of course. -What do you mean?- he asks, while fearing to know the answer.

Penelope pleases him with a smile that has nothing sweet about it. -After discovering that Roxy is a dog and after seeing that you aren’t so bad as a company at O'Keefe, I had decided to treat you better.- she reveals, simply, disregarding the increasingly shocked expression of the colleague. -I thought we were becoming friends, but you stabbed me in the back!- another accusation and another push. Only for a hair he can't hold her hand on his chest.

Luke shakes his head, trying to catch her eye again. -I, no, I...- but her face leaves no room for doubt.

-I'm not interested in your apologies.- she says and he catches both senses of that sentence. -You sided with the others!- he doesn’t reply anything, because he knows she is right. -You chose them instead of me. You don't deserve my friendship.- she deduces, widening her arms, like a judge who issues a sentence of death, implacable. And that's when Agent Alvez realizes he has no choice but to make a move, the one he never would have considered, probably not even in a thousand years, if things had gone differently. But he cannot afford to lose the little he has laboriously earned.

He looks at her in a strange, different, new way. Original. -And if that's not enough, for me?- he asks her, gradually reducing the inches of air that separate him from her. Penelope opens her eyes for a moment, forgetting the subject of their conversation. He always liked to put her in trouble, but this time his intentions are very different.

-What are you talking about?- he watches her pupils dilate while he makes another step. -Stop there where you are.- she intimates him, but fails to sound very authoritarian, so he doesn’t listen to her. -You're too close.- she says the last sentence in a lower voice, because the man is almost completely bent over her.

He turns a few degrees so he can whisper in her ear. -I mean if it's not enough to be your friend.- ok, this time he really said it. Now he can't go back and doesn't intend to do it. He doesn't want to believe that Garcia's attitude towards him is only due to the fact that he took the place of her best friend. Or maybe he needs to think that behind there is more to find enough courage.

However, she chooses to suddenly return naive. -And what the hell would you like to be?- she stutters, overlapping words, but unable to break eye contact and hating herself deeply for this. If he had been less attractive, would it have been so difficult anyway? She doubts it. -Why the hell do you care so much about what I think of you?- she bursts out and finally she has made the right question.

Luke chuckles, impressed by her innocence as much as by her job skills. -Don't you really get it, Garcia?- her big eyes are enough for an answer. -I like you, I have a crush on you, that's why I 'sided' with the rest of the team, as you say.- he feels his heart beating like the one of a teenager in a movie. He almost certainly also has sweaty hands. The blonde remains silent, so he adds some more details. -To provoke you, as you do with me.- even if, thinking back, he understood that he had started this, not she. -I thought it was just an innocent game...- Penelope seems to believe him for about two seconds, then bursts into a resounding laughter, which however doesn't seem at all joyful, but bears traces of bitterness and sadness.

She claps her hands in a theatrical way, even managing to take a few steps away from him. -Congratulations, really credible! You're getting better at telling lies, but if you think I'm stupid enough to fall into the same trap twice...- she shakes her head. Those tears at the corners of her eyes finally hover in the air. -You have a worse opinion of me than I thought.- she concludes, revealing herself once again able to identify precisely the thing that will hurt him most.

Now that he has freed himself of this enormous weight (to think that it is only a few months, but it seems to him much longer, like his whole life), he cannot conceive the idea that she can think that he is a liar, that he could joke about a similar topic, which can be so petty. -I'm not lying, it's the truth!- he almost shouts, grabbing his own head to avoid doing something more reckless. -I like you a lot, I don't see what I could earn to make you believe it.- after this last sentence, however, he looks directly into her eyes. Anyone knows that it is very difficult to simulate a feeling while maintaining eye contact. Penelope seems to think of that, she seems uncertain, she approaches him, narrowing her eyes suspiciously.

And in front of the man's shocked look, she begins to search him. -You certainly have something on you, maybe not a bug wire, at least a tape recorder...- her hands run down his chest, covered only by a light gray shirt, and stopping just before the belt. Then she comes to her senses and understands what she risked doing. But now it's late. Taking advantage of her sudden loss, Luke has brought her closer to him and now holds her firmly by the shoulders.

-Garcia, look into my eyes, and you will understand that I am sincere.- the man's hands rise up to her neck, causing her to shiver (not only because of their glacial temperature), finally lingering on her face, barely caressing her cheeks. She obeys him for a few seconds, so she manages to look away with difficulty.

-No, I can’t.- she detaches herself from him, violently. Unable to conceive how she could allow him to touch her in such an intimate way. -You could have thought of a more credible one excuse and I didn't think you would be able to go that far.- she comments, finding her own safety or at least a semblance of it, as soon as she is distant from him. -Even playing with feelings... Maybe I should really ponder a transfer.- Luke is not considered the best hunter of men of the FBI undeservedly. He takes very little to capture her.

-NO!- this time he's really screaming. He tries to calm himself, to think lucidly. -No, not for my fault.- he really is a good actor, no doubt. It would be really too easy to fall into those brown eyes, to get carried away by the current down and down... -Let me prove that it's all true.- he pleads her. His hands are on her again, with his thumb he touches her neck, while with his other fingers her face.

She tries to ignore the feelings that this contact causes. -And how are you going to do?- her eyes are wide open as she watches him bend over her and trying to bring her face closer to his, as if he wanted (and it seems so) to kiss her. She waits that Luke is a few millimeters before stopping him, with some satisfaction. Or maybe, most likely, she had to struggle hard to do it. -Huh, no, even if you weren't a liar, I wouldn't make things so easy for you.- she tells him, but in her tone there is new malice and this is enough to reassure him. -If you really like me, you'll have to work a lot.- not bad, since he had already taken it into account. He is annoyed enough to have been interrupted so close to the goal, but... if she is giving him a chance, this is what matters. -Do you think it's worth it?- she asks, crossing her arms, almost certainly expecting a no.

Luke, however, disappoints or surprises her, depending on your point of view. -Yup.- he answers, decided as he has rarely been in his life, above all about personal relationships. -Absolutely.- he adds, to make matters worse.

She shrugs. -Happy for you. If the road was uphill before, now you can consider it directly a wall.- she makes it clear however. That grimace on her red mouth. He will be able to taste it, to discover what it tastes like. If it was the last thing he will do. -A very slippery wall.- she adds, with a wink. -It's easy to fall and get hurt...- now she seems serious, she seems to want to suggest something to him, but he doesn't know her long-term relationship history: he can't know that she refused two marriage proposals, that she has problems too only to think of living with a man who is also convinced she loves. That from that point of view she is no less solitary than he. Sergio is enough.

Of course, he can't know (JJ wouldn't have talked to him about it), but he seems to sense it, getting closer to the solution. -I'll be careful.- he proclaims, as if he were about to leave on a mission, get on the jet. -I’ll conquer the lost land.- he says, resolutely, trying to convince at least her, if not himself.

He gets a hearty laugh in return. -Well, they say that self-confidence is everything to achieve a goal.- he nods. -But to regain mine, it would take a miracle.- Luke is not discouraged.

-I believe in miracles.- he promptly replies. And it's not a lie. There are many things of his faith that he doesn’t fully share, which cause him internal conflicts. But not this one.

-Good for you.- she says. -Now, go away. And, Newbie, tell the others that I am very disappointed by everyone.- it's so nice to hear that nickname again without nuances of real disappointment.

He nods before leaving. -I will do it. –

 And Luke keeps his implicit promise. During the next two weeks both the office and the home of the computer technician Garcia become places frequented by express couriers of all types, florists and pastry shop clerks. The man slightly distorts the classics, the romantic clichés, preferring live plants of the most disparate species to the bouquets of real flowers, desserts from all over the world to the chocolates in a heart-shaped box, puppets with recording personalized messages instead of cinematographic declarations; and hearing his unique voice, deep and fret, making certain statements… it’s different anyway. But it's not enough.

Penelope doesn’t reply to any of the gifts and only when one evening, returning from a case, he stops her to get a response, she deigns to consider him. -It’s all you can do?- she replies with a question, dismissing all his efforts and leaving him partially sad, but also too stubborn to give up on the first attempt.

She doesn't expect that he can do anything right that evening. Nor that he can go that far. When the first notes of classical guitar begin to spread in the air, she doesn’t suspect that this may have anything to do with her. But then he starts singing. Forgive me... if what is done is done, but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact I ask... your forgiveness... what is done is done but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact... I ask your forgiveness... At first, she is so shocked that she doesn't even have the strength to look out of the window is to verify if it is not by chance, that her brain shows signs of imbalance. Luke cannot be in the courtyard where her apartment is located, to serenade her, like a medieval minstrel. Even if it's a pretty retro thing, something that suits him. With this joy that hugs my heart, four days from Christmas... a mixture of enchantment and pain, I think back to when I hurt someone, and there are so many people, good pretexts, always too few. Between desires, labyrinths and fires, I begin a new year by asking... She should have imagined, however, that he would sing so good. She doesn’t know where this kind of thought comes from, why she is so convinced of it, since she has never thought about it before. She sighs, resigning herself to the need to control. She spies from behind the curtain, but he notices however that he has managed to capture her attention and continues much more determined and with a smile on his lips. Forgive me... if what is done is done, but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact I ask... your forgiveness... what is done is done but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact... I ask your forgiveness... It is undoubtedly thanks to his vocal talents if none of the Garcia's neighbors throws a bucket of water at him (or worse), drops a vase on his head or simply shouts at him to dislodge. And maybe even the fact that it's not yet eleven o'clock and her neighborhood is a fairly populated until late. To say that I feel good with you is little, to say that I feel bad with you is a game, a mixture of truce and revolution, I think it's a good opportunity, with this magic... of Christmas, to remember... how special you are, amid the contradictions and your faults, I still try to want you… She shakes her head, thinking that there are still months left to think about pulling the tree out of the box in which she put it. She laughs, but her is a sweet laugh and no one misses those nuances. She feels she has become the center of general interest; the way in which Luke is looking at her as he sings and plays has left no room for any doubt about the addressee of his stornello. Forgive me... if what is done is done, but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact I ask... your forgiveness... what is done is done but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact... I ask your forgiveness... But he himself claimed not to just want her friendship, but something more. And this is also clear to all those present, who wonder who that young man is and where dear Penelope may have known him. A good part recalls another kind of evening and another kind of companion; the sirens and the lights of the ambulance, the cries of the paramedics. But this one seems a good guy and certainly cannot have bad intentions. Besides the fact that his gesture would have a lot of witnesses. Here winter is not afraid, I got some without you... here anger is without measure, but without you... I don’t know and the night dances alone, but without you I will not dance... captain, knock down the walls with me, that by myself I won't make it... That reference in particular hits her straight to the heart and his wink gives her the suspicion that it was precisely for that sentence if he decided to dedicate this song to her, instead of another, and not for the refrain, which also repeats endlessly what he had already said and pleaded in a completely different way. I ask your forgiveness, if what is done is done, but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know I’m like, in fact... I ask your forgiveness... Penelope wonders if this song will ever end, not that she minds, far from it, if she really has to be sincere... but to the pleasure and that boost to her self-esteem, embarrassment and blush on her cheeks should be added. Didn't she always want a man to make such a crazy gesture just for her? Didn't she always say that she wasn't the kind of woman that men write songs for? It seems like a century has passed since that time. If what is done is done, but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact I ask... your forgiveness... what is done is done but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact... I… She is concentrated now on his hands, on the way he uses the pick, how he caresses the ropes, and finds herself wondering what else he would be able to do with those fingers. And if maybe they can play something together, one day, she with the clarinet and him with... She shakes her head to get out of her own fantasy. I ask your forgiveness… if what is done is done, but I ask your forgiveness, give me a smile, I offer you a rose, on this friendship new peace comes, because I know what I’m like, in fact I ask... forgiveness... sorry… rose… comes… When the last notes echo in the evening, everyone understands that the performance has ended. Spontaneous applauses start from all the windows except from the only one that really interests him. Luke bows, thanking the improvised audience. When he raises his head, those windows have closed completely. Behind the curtains, the blonde begins to convince herself that he is really interested for her. Better late than never. But it's still not enough.

 A few days go by without any new surprise and the woman seriously begins to fear that he's get tired of her, of her coldness and her too high claims. She doesn't suspect in the slightest that in reality Luke is using his knowledge in quality of ex-fugitives team Agent. For now, he has limited himself to doing what all women are supposed to want. But Garcia is not all women. He deduces that this was his mistake and remedies it.

With her mind half occupied by the current case and the other part by mulling over her own stupidity (she could at least find out what kind of kisser the Newbie was, if she had been just a smarter pinch), Penelope crosses the threshold of her office and finds a note in front of the main screen. Her heart recognizes his calligraphy well before her eyes. Look in the refrigerator, second shelf on the right. Although she might well wait, since it's too early to eat, she almost runs to find out what's in store for her this time. And in an instant, she forgot all the fears of having pushed her luck. The dining area is deserted. She opens the door and sees what looks like a pan covered with silver paper. And another piece of paper. I made Lasagna. All vegetarian. And a little face that winks, hand-drawn. Without realizing it, she caresses it with her thumb. At the same time, she chuckles, definitely impressed. Then she realizes, she feels that someone is watching her. She turns and Alvez is there. How did he get so close to her without she can hear the steps? Damn profilers and hunters of men!

For a moment they simply remain stare at each other, saying nothing. It is clear that he is challenging her to find a way to ruine his gesture. And she accepts. -Nice, but still a little bit.- she comments, crossing her arms. Luke can't hide a grimace of frustration. -I told you it would be tough.- she continues, in a much more serious tone, trying perhaps to justify herself, when instead she would simply like to invite him to share those Lasagna (which she hasn't even seen or tasted yet, it could be very disgusting, but sometimes the thought is really enough, isn't it?). -Do you want to give up?- and that's when the man does something really completely unexpected and out of every script. He comes so close to her that he almost touches her breast with his forearm.

And the way he looks at her. It should be judged illegal, at least in some countries, at least in Virginia. He shakes his head, in an authoritarian way, only letting her see what the unsubs and the fugitives feel during an interrogation or a capture. -Never.- but he doesn’t do just that. He caresses her cheek with a decidedly determined act that she, puzzled, finds herself closing her eyes to better enjoy that gesture. But she opens them up to his next statement. -You'll be mine, Penelope, and when that happens, you won't be able to stand on your legs, how much they'll shaking.- she opens her mouth, understanding that any reply would be useless. And indeed, he is right, because her knees are already starting to have problems (and not just her knees). However, she hides her excitement behind a mischievous and at the same time strange smile. Placing a hand on his sculptural chest she pushes him away just enough to get back to the office. With the note tight in the left hand.

 By now she has lost control, the situation, with a man so courtly in such a shameless way, is too stimulating for him to be able to put a stop to it. If it had been Kevin or Sam, in his place, surely, she would have already given up. But every time she ends up looking at Luke in the eye, she wonders how far they can go, she denies him the satisfaction and he has understood it. The fact that he is not ashamed at all to show his interest in front of the whole world and above all in front of their colleagues... it's just one more reason to let the game continue for a while longer. From O'Keefe, for example, there is not a single evening that he doesn’t offer to pay her cocktails (only to her) and also covers her with another kind of attention, so as to push more than a guy to give up in order to flirt with that shapely blonde at the right point (she naturally doesn't even realize it, too busy to restrain herself, but nothing escapes him). Above all it is again the way in which he looks at her, exaggeratedly shameless, that exasperate and amuse their friends.

-If you keep act in this way, we'll have to censor you, Luke.- Rossi complains on one of these occasions. But Penelope doesn't just enjoy free cocktails and looks back at him. She plays her part in this kind of performance. She makes him go crazy with every known or not known method. She flirts with strangers, albeit in a decidedly innocent way, compared to when she plays with him, even before all this started. This is why some people got a fantasy, but then they notice how he shakes her hand on her hips and give up, believing that they have dreamed everything. Many times, after having returned to her place, the blonde is in fact instantly captured by her colleague, always sitting next to her, who whispers threats that seem anything but frightening, such as: -You will pay for each of these actions.- but she, lingering in the same way and making him believe every time that she was about to bite his lobe or grab his lips, merely laughs, filling his ear canals with the sound of her giggling.

And moving away, at all intimidate, at the same time removing his hand from her, she replies always the same in a low voice, but not too much. -First you have to catch me.- that answer which, despite so many repetitions by now would have become banal, silences him all the time.

 She couldn’t say that it was her friend who wanted to bring up the topic, because she was the first to let it out. Just a hint, the only evening he hasn't arrived yet and the rest of the table is occupied in an animated discussion of the criteria for awarding the Oscars. -Then... you have nothing to say to me?- well before she mentions it explicitly, she has already got the point. -You and Luke...- in another era she would probably deny, she would reject, she would say to her friend she is a visionary. Not in this one.

Watching the chair next to her (empty), she leaves the river of her emotions flow out. - Do you remember when you all sucked, and he too? He followed me to the terrace and at one point... he said he had a crush on me.- a smile of pure affection, satisfaction (I knew it!) and joy paints the lips of the other blonde. -I didn't believe him, but... now...- they nod simultaneously. -I'm afraid that I’m exaggerating. He will soon tire of trying to conquer me.- the fact she said even this last part is what makes her proud of herself.

It's up to JJ to express her thought. -Do you want my opinion?- she doesn’t wait for an answer. -This can’t happen. I did the same with Will, at the beginning... I was a little cold.- she chuckles, thinking back to those moments with nostalgia, but at the same time happy about the here and now. -You know, In love’s war, he who flieth is conqueror.- she winks at her. Then, she suddenly turns serious. -That's not what you should worry about, in my opinion.- she adds, looking over her shoulder.

Penelope knows that Luke has arrived and probably he is standing at the counter to make the first orders. -What, then?- she asks. There is no room for shyness and pride.

-You have to think about all the time you will waste, just to act like teenagers.- she replies promptly, sensing the course of her friend's thoughts. -When, in short...- she shrugs and almost seems to blush. But she wouldn’t be able to swear it -...you could live and find out how it is.- she understood what JJ meant, but she has no way to reply, because he is there, the chair is no longer empty, his hand brushes by chance (yeah, right for this) her knee while he is settling.

 And despite all those fine words, spending so many nights repeating that JJ was right, another month passes, during which he alternates the actual courtship with explicit and clear requests for a full-fledged appointment, which she declines every time, cursing herself like the crocodile after eating too much. Her only excuse is that he hasn't done enough yet, but she knows that it ceased to make sense long ago.

Garcia then reaches another, different conclusion: what she really expects is, masochistically, to see him finally losing interest in her, so she can consider herself a fool and be able to do it, later thanks to the passing of time that erases and obscures everything, convincing herself that in reality he never felt anything for her.

A sea of shit that fortunately crashes against the rocks of Luke's stubbornness, which fails to consider sporadic touches at the bar as real progress. But he still has an ace up his sleeve. The winning card. He wonders why he waited so long to do it.

 He is forced to talk to Emily. Leaving everything to chance would mean risking compromising the plan. He waits patiently (patience has always been one of his main qualities) that there are no cases. And finally, that day comes. He waits for her to go to the bathroom, for take his gift to the bat-cave. He stays hidden at the end of the corridor, watching her returning to the office. He hears her scream and realizes that maybe this time the job is really done.

Inside, Penelope tries to censure her joy by pressing her hands over her mouth. Roxy, beautiful as always, is covering her with kisses. But it doesn't take long to notice that there is ticket rolled up and stuck in her collar. The more she reads it, the stronger her heart beats. Forgive the fool of my master. He didn't want to hurt you, but you know, human beings (especially males) are so foolish! He always liked to hunt, but without weapons. Because of this pursuit he no longer has a crush on you. Now he is sure he is in love. Please give him a chance so we can see each other more often. I miss you! Rox. And it is not the third-party declaration that causes her to collapse definitively. No, it's that paw print as a signature. She fears to burst into tears. She takes long breaths to calm herself.

Now she has discovered her breaking point and doesn’t care a damn she will never know which of Luke would have been. Hearing only silence, the man dares to enter. -Then?- he asks, even though he knows how to read her expression perfectly.

She wants to show herself a little distant. -All right, Alvez, I'll go out with you. But, mind, this means nothing.- she likes to play as precious thing, and he will let her do it, because she is. She is the most precious jewel that he never would have aspired even to contemplate.

He takes her hand, helping her to get up. -It may turn into one later.- he declares, bending down to kiss her cheek. He would never have wasted their first kiss at such a time, however important it's for him.

 The evening of the date comes. Penelope keeps to repeat in front of the mirror that it is nothing; Luke tries to explain to Roxy why all depends from this, but she already knows it. The message arrives on time; she can't make her heart beat regularly. She goes down, risking killing herself, on the stairs, unable to wait for the elevator. When she sees him, so beautiful and knowing that it is her merit, because it is for her if he has dressed like this, that he has chosen every single damn detail, she can no longer play the part of the detached and disinterested.

Penelope expects him to take her to dinner somewhere. Even the time is quite compatible with this hypothesis. But she is wrong. When she sees the silhouette of the building and recognizes its profile, when he parks right there, she is incredulous. He will also be a profiler, a hunter, but how the hell did he find that this was her favorite theater and that she dreamed of going there all her life?

He opens the door for her; he touches her hand every so often, caressing her fingers in a sweet and sensual, delicate and possessive way; he looks at her in that way but also in a new one. If they had just played until recently, he is now doing damn seriously. How can he be single for years (did this information been picked up long before all this started)? Then the concert begins, where the clarinet is the absolute protagonist, needless to say.

He speaks only once, whispering something that completely contrasts with the serious and prim atmosphere. -I can't wait to show you my fingering techniques, chica.- she swallows, not answering. Fearing her own reply.

Towards the end her stomach starts gurgling in protest. With red hands for long applause he leads her to the exit, opens the door again, does the same when they arrive at the next stop, helps her to sit at the table. He wants to make her feel the most desired and important woman on the planet with a thousand small attentions and almost never taking his eyes off her. Penelope stops noticing her own red cheeks. It has now become her dominant color. She is still along the way to convince herself that this is really happening. At the time of ordering, she lets him speak only, not feeling at all overwhelmed, but rather enjoying seeing how well he knows her.

All exclusively vegetarian. And, after paying the bill, he opens his mouth again to say something that gives her the final thrust. -I could easily get used to this diet.- she is still thinking about it, wondering if it could be serious or if it was a simple provocation that she had misunderstood, while they are walking with Roxy, in the calm of the evening. He stops, breaking the silence at the same time. -If you just give me the chance, this would be our typical evening even in ten years. I don't want a conquest of a night and I know that passion would never fade, don't ask why I know, it's just like that.- he speaks freely, even if she would never have stopped him because... she wants to see how far he gets. -I would never take you for granted, nor stop courting you, I would conquer you every day.- perhaps he would have added more, but she bursts.

She throws her arms around his neck. -Fuck, Luke.- game over. He won the match.

But he lingers a moment longer. -Penelope, can I kiss you?- it's not a provocation, he's fucking sincere.

She tilts her head. -Yes, you can, Newbie.- but he hesitates too much, just a second too long. Penelope, who certainly doesn’t count the calmness between her main qualities, drags him against her, kissing him as if there were no tomorrow. Surely her patience threshold is less than Luke's, but... now they both care very little about it.

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[idontevenknownemore]

An Angel who Fell, but Not Quite Far Enough - Part One

*A gender-neutral, Good Omens reader-insert in which you are an angel with very bad—er, well nonexistent memory who fell, but not quite far enough...

[ Insert Guide: [Y/N]=“Your Name,” [F/N]=“First Name,” [L/N]=“Last Name,” [F/C]=“Favorite Color” ]

Amnesia wasn't all bad—well, it was, but also...it wasn't? For all [Y/N] knew they could have been a serial killer before forgetting it all, which was most certainly bad. However, whatever they had been before, it didn't weigh them down. There was no baggage, no anxiety-inducing past trauma. They lived whatever life they wanted to. For some reason, they'd never really felt the desire to find out who they were, anyway.

[Y/N]’s first memory consisted of waking up in a dark and dirty alleyway. They later discovered it was London and were very quickly transported to a hospital after a few odd conversations with strangers had prompted someone reporting them to authorities.

No doctor could explain it, nor England's best neuroscientist for that matter—[Y/N]’s brain was functioning entirely normally, they just simply couldn't remember who they were. They had basic knowledge about the world, but when it came to personal knowledge concerning their identity? They simply blanked. At first, they were accused of lying, but after numerous interviews, evaluations, counseling, medications, and even a couple of polygraph tests, there was no choice but to believe them.

Their story inspired a news article or two with headlines like "DOCTORS ASTOUNDED BY PECULIAR AMNESIA PATIENT" and, naturally, internet conspiracy theorists proposed the most outlandish ideas—like perhaps they were a time traveler or an alien or an experimental clone released into society by the government. None of them got anywhere near the truth of the matter. All the buzz even lead to them meeting the Prime Minister once. But, eventually, as with all media, the hyper fixation slowly died away and they were old news. And old news gradually became forgotten news.

After being unsuccessful in their search for their origins, the police and medical personnel eventually agreed to help integrate them into society. They got to choose a name for themselves, which they were rather keen on. After searching the internet for hours, they finally settled on [F/N] [L/N]. It just seemed right.

The doctors had projected that they were in their early twenties, so [Y/N] decided to take advantage of the government funding they were offered and enrolled in University. It seemed they had quite the aptitude for just about any topic they set their mind to; it was strange not really knowing anything and yet knowledge coming so naturally to them—as if, perhaps, they were only remembering what they had forgotten but...not really. Their topic of choice, however, centered on Theology.

They lived quite cozily in their private dorm room, which was kept quite tidy to the extent that they really didn't have many belongings.

One of [Y/N]'s favorite pastimes involved wandering around London, discovering practically everything for the first time. Today was quite rainy, more than usual, but it didn't deter them. They walked on, splashing with each step and gripping tight to their [F/C] umbrella, which was embellished with a pattern of little, silver feathers. A rather strong gush of wind threatened to carry their umbrella away and, so, [Y/N] wandered into the nearest and coziest looking building.

They really hadn't paid attention to what the building was past acknowledging the little 'OPEN' sign, but upon entering they were immediately struck with the inviting warmth that hit them—contrasting so harshly with the cold storm outside. It was like slipping into an entirely opposite dimension. Next, they noticed the scent of old parchment and glue, which reminded them of the University Library except for the fact that there was a sweet undertone to it—was that hot chocolate they were detected? [Y/N] couldn't be sure; they couldn't remember ever having it, but they must have before because they recognized the scent.

Whatever it was, [Y/N] immediately felt guilty for entering a bookshop dripping wet and so they did their very best to dry off before daring to take another step inside. They closed their umbrella tightly and left it by the door along with their raincoat to avoid scattering water any worse than they already had. They sighed, content with the respite they'd found from the storm.

Their eyes grazed over the piles and shelves of books—all old and well-cared for, they could tell. It seemed more like someone's personal collection than a shop, really. They dared to wander over to a shelf to examine the book titles, but before they could comprehend the ornate lettering on one particular book's spine, [Y/N] was alerted by the hasty shuffling of feet.

"Aaaahhh! I do apologize, but we are just about to close," they registered the warm, posh voice before they did the man generating it. [Y/N] immediately tore their eyes away from the shelf and toward him.

The moment they saw him, they were struck with a sense of warmth similar to the bookshop itself—almost as if he were the very heart of it. He had the most brilliant glow about him (an aura, they’d learned to call it from their classes); they had always been able to see them as far as they could recall. There was something familiar about the man. It wasn't his face or his voice or anything like that; it was his energy, his being. At any rate, [Y/N] couldn't exactly pinpoint the strange feeling, but it was there nonetheless.

They smiled apologetically, "Ah, I'm sorry...there weren't any hours posted and, well, with the storm and all, the place looked so inviting...-I'll go," but before [Y/N] could make way to leave, another man rounded the corner. His presence, too, was familiar, but in a much less pleasant way. He didn't frighten them, but rather they felt a sense of unease, almost distrust. His aura was strangely concealed and deceptive, but they could see a slight tinge of darkness surrounding his being--however, it was almost as if that darkness was concealing something else, something more. The smile unconsciously faded from their lips. It was like the two were polar opposites and it wasn't simply because of the way they made [Y/N] feel, but in the way, they dressed and acted as well.

"Forgot to flip the sign to closed again, angel?" The man clad in dark clothes leaned nonchalantly against the shelf and crossed his arms, appearing amused.

The bookkeep's attention seemed to have drifted to the window, seeming somewhat guilty. "Well, it certainly is bucketing down out there, isn't it...?"

"...nice weather...for ducksss," the other man commented under his breath with a shrug and [Y/N] was almost sure, but not definitively, that they detected a hiss in the man’s tone.

"Well, I suppose I'm lucky I enjoy the rain then," [Y/N] broke their silence, feeling a bit embarrassed for having bothered the two when the shop was intended to be closed. "I'll be going, then...," they noted as they made way to retrieve their rain jacket just as a burst of lighting illuminated the shop's window. [Y/N] didn't seem at all bothered—the man on their other hand...

Oh, curse him for forgetting that blasted ‘OPEN’ sign. After all the centuries keeping the shop, you'd think he'd remember a thing like that. Aziraphale bit the inside of his lip as he watched the stranger slip on their coat, feeling Crowley's watchful eyes on him. The sudden flash of lightning only solidified his guilt. Often, the people he rushed out of his shop were argumentative and rude, but this stranger had simply accepted it graciously. Ah, what kind of angel would he be if he let them go out in a storm like that? What if they got hurt? Wouldn't that be his fault for sending them away?

"Aahh, I trust you haven't very far to walk...?" The angel finally piped up.

"...-well, actually...I'll be heading back to the University. I wandered a bit further than I probably should have. It's my own fault for ignoring the weather forecast," they shrugged, still not a care in the world, as they buttoned up their coat. "I am sorry, again, for disturbing you. It's...-you have a really lovely place here." They compliment with a smile.

Blast. They were a kind heart and he was relenting, "My dear, you cannot possibly walk all that way in this weather. It would be quite certainly treacherous."

Crowley perked up a bit, his attention having drifted elsewhere until this moment. He saw where this was going and he knew he wasn't going to like it.

"Oh...," the stranger took a look out the window as if they had only just realized how bad the storm actually was. "But I did walk all the way here just fine...-I'm sure it will be alright." They sent him a smile, grateful for his concern.

Aziraphale jumped into action, nervous as the stranger began to open the door. "W-well, what if we offered you a ride?"

And there it was; Crowley groaned as Aziraphale turned to him with a pleading look. Those big, blue puppy-dog eyes. How many times had he given in to those? "No, no absolutely not. You heard 'em. Said they got here just fine in the first place."

The stranger paused, contemplating this. They thought about accepting until the other man piped up. “I wouldn’t want to intrude more than I already have...”

He wasn’t going to give in. He wasn’t. Those angelic eyes wouldn’t win this tim—Crowley groaned, “Oh, for somebody’s sake...-Fine. But you owe me for this one, angel.”

Aziraphale grinned, the angel pleased to get his way but playing innocent as though he’d never been begging in the first place. Spoiled angel. “Oh, thank you~”

“W-well, then. I would really appreciate the lift...,” the stranger concluded, “...-if that’s really alright...”

[Next]

[blushingjared]

Hate Me Till You Love Me

We Get What We Deserve CH. 2: Hate Me Till You Love Me (Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader)

Square(s) Filled: Neighbors for @spnkinkbingo Ship: Alpha!Sam x Omega!Reader Characters: Alpha!Sam, Omega!Reader, Beta!Dean, Alpha!Nick, Reader’s Mother, John (Mentioned), Mary (Mentioned) Rating: Explicit Warnings: Smut, A/B/O dynamics, oral (female receiving), slight hair kink, dirty talk, Virgin! Reader, Possessive! Sam, unprotected Sex Word Count: 3.0K

Summary: Y/n and Sam didn’t ever fall in love as kids. Even with their mothers prodding. You always thought Sam was insufferable and you fought more than any two kids you knew. It was a easy place to be in Sams life, until you find out his hate is only surface deep.

We Get What We Deserve Masterlist

A/N: Sorry for posting the wrong one Yesterday. Let me know if you want to be tagged in We Get What We Deserve. Also, I wrote this forever ago and had some very lovely beta’s work on this. If you did, let me know.

Rain pounded against the window as you gazed towards the distance. The house next door was dark and lifeless at the moment. Your hand moved over the sheets covering your bed, slowly moving your body to lay down. Someone yelled downstairs, but you ignored it in favor of listening to the rain. There was always something beautiful to you about the way two separate drops of rain always seemed to come together. A vague memory of your days in chemistry popped into your head about how magnetic water was, but being the girl you were ,you tended to romanticize things. It was easier to imagine those two droplets were just meant to be.

The voices only grew louder the longer you ignored them. Loud, knocking footsteps sounding closer and closer to your room, all before a BANG!  as the door to your room was forced open by your seething mother. Anger dripped off her words as the frown lines on her face creased harder. “Y/N Y/LN, what the hell are you doing up here? Don’t you want to try and see all those cute boys downstairs? All of the perfectly acceptable bachelors.”

Your head started to pound at the thought of being surrounded by a horde of knot hungry Alphas. No, thank you. “I was down there long enough to know that every single one of them were only after a mate.” Was it too much to ask for some fucking romance or at least a good pick up line? In all honesty, you knew that none of those guys down there wanted you. They were only here because your family was rich and your parents had an eligible daughter they needed to marry off to get more heirs.

Not a single one of them cared about your personality or what you had to offer.

“Don’t be delusional. Honey, come down and talk to some of the boys. Mary Winchester and her boys are here too.” Heat flared in your stomach, mixing with your anger like toothpaste and orange juice. It got your attention to say the least.

“Sam’s here?” Your voice betrayed you, coming out more breathless than intended.

“He is. Now put on your dress and come downstairs.” A knowing smirk curled on her painted lips before she turned her back to you and headed back down to the party.

“Shit.” Speaking of the dress, the thing was much too revealing and nothing like what you would wear normally. The blue, skintight dress shimmered and sparkled, making you wonder if the thing wasn’t really meant for a high schooler’s prom. It was all you had though and tonight you were going to knock Sam Winchester flat on his ass.

Sam Winchester and you did not get along. While you two had grown up together your entire life, it seemed neither of you could stand the other. Hell, you were neighbors, your mothers were practically attached at the hip. But neither of you could be in the same room together without throwing something at each other.

A smirk played at your lips as you pulled the dress over your head and slipped into the accompanying shoes. The upper hand was all yours and you could watch Sam struggle to play nice with you. You were counting down the minutes until Sam stormed off. With you trying your best to annoy him? Ten minutes tops.

You checked yourself in the mirror, adjusting your hair and making sure that every single detail was perfect. Sam would have nothing to tease you about. He might have had everyone else down stairs fooled with his puppy dog eyed, gentle alpha act but not you. You could see right through him and see he was just as flawed as everyone else.

Taking the first step out, you willed your breaths to stay calm as you made your way down the stairs and to the party. Soft but prominent classical music played underneath the sea of voices. Thankfully, the party’s true purpose wasn’t to find you a mate. It was your parents anniversary and as beautiful and kind as their love was, at the moment you felt it was a once in a lifetimes. No one looked at you like your father looked at your mother because you weren’t special.

Shaking your thoughts aside, you weaved your way through the high society party goers. Some of them unfortunately turned to look your way, but you ignored them. You were making a bee-line for the Winchesters. It was easy to do, seeing as there was a flock of giggling girls surrounding the eldest Winchester, his deep, rumbling voice cutting through all the others. If you hadn’t known exactly what Dean did with the omegas in the morning, you’d probably be head over heels for the guy as well.

It’d probably make Sam fly off the handle if he saw you two making out.

Sam's head turned around, his hazel eyes landing on your form and something made his lips part, going speechless. You use that momentum and saunter over towards Sam, eyes trailing over his body like he was doing to you.

He cleaned up nicely, dark suit sat on top of Sam’s gigantic frame pretty well. Although you could tell those muscles underneath had to be straining under the tight shirt. It would be stupid of you to think that Sam didn’t have nice physical features as well.

“Heya Sammy. Having fun?” you asked, voice cutting through whatever trance he was in. His eyes closed, along with his mouth and he set his features in a harsh glare.

“Y/n.” The curtness of his reply got you. Sam knew exactly where he was too. He turned his attention to Dean as his older brother slapped him on the back.

“Hey sweetheart, always nice to see you.” Dean's arm wrapped around his brother's shoulder, a drunken smile playing on his lips. “You getting along with my baby brother?” He brought the glass up to his lips and sipped at the champagne glass. When a tray came by, he set it down only to grab a full glass.

“Oh Dean, don’t you know Sammy here hates my guts? Did he already beg to leave?” You added a wink, letting Sam know you had come down surely to torture him. Sam flinched as you said ‘Sammy’, no one but Dean got away with that, except for tonight. Sam had to play nice.

Dean snorted and stumbled towards you, now placing his arm against your shoulder. “Damn, princess. For as much as you hate each other, you sure do know each other real well.” Sam crossed his arms and rolled his eyes, turning his head to the side and trying his best to ignore the way you two were talking about him.

“You know, I think Sammy’s got a crush on ya.” Dean whispered, lips brushing against your ear. The words went straight to your core. No way. It had to just be drunk Dean blabbering. Why were you thinking about this? Why the fuck were you even entertaining the idea that Dean was right?

You had to test this out and as fun as it’d be to use Dean, it’d be a bit too on the nose. Sam would figure it out.

“Hm. I’ll see you around Sam. Thanks for coming.” There was no room left for discussion as you turned and left, missing Sam's reaction to the way you just left. You didn’t bother him or fuck with him. So Sam didn’t know what to do here.

Sam watched with intent as you moved through the room. As much as you preferred to be alone in your room and read, you still knew how to work a crowd. Years of Cotillion classes had prepared you for moments like these. All you had to do was fall back on instincts.

Cocky Alpha boys turned their attentions to you, the charm you laid on was thick. You acted like a brain dead damsel and they played right into your hand. Sam had his eyes on you the rest of the night, especially when you had trained your attention onto one guy in particular. Nick Angel, he was all bright eyes and smiles as you chatted him up. His hand coming to rest on the small of your back.

Sam's eyes narrowed at the action and that was when you knew Sam had a thing for you. A small (big) part of you wanted him to be jealous. It would be the cherry on top to your relationship. All this while, this grown man never stopped acting like the little kid that pulled on the pigtails of the girl he liked.

You pulled away from Nick when you saw Sam leaving, heading to your father's study.  His eyes caught yours again and something close to pain flashed on his face before he closed the door. You followed behind, making your way towards the room as well. What was that look? Sam’s eyes had seemed cloudy and his frown looked more like he was holding back sounds of sadness.

Opening the door slowly, you moved yourself into the room fully and silently. Sam's back was to you and he didn’t seem to notice you had come in. He was breathing pretty raggedly and when he turned around, you felt fear replace every other emotion inside you. His eyes glowed bright red and he looked ready to kill, when his sights became set on you, he clenched his jaw.

“Sammy?” You’re voice was weak as something primal in you made your body cave. Something magnetic wanted you to go to him. The rational side of your brain told you to back away from the ravenous alpha, but the unclaimed omega in you begged to be touched.

He snarled at the nickname and stepped closer to you, his voice was horribly raspy. Each breath Sam took was visible; his shoulders rose and fell each time. Of course doing so made his body seem even more massive than he already was. “Don’t. Call. Me. That.” He hissed and continued to step towards you. Every step, he looked at your face, waiting for you to make the move and leave.

You couldn’t, though.

Sam's hand was gentle as it moved over your hair; his fingers then running through the strands. If you didn’t believe Dean then, you did now. His eyes had returned to their normal color but it didn’t make the feeling of Alpha that Sam's demeanor was screaming to you any less.

“I want you.” Sam whispered. The Winchester's finger curled into your hair, tugging your face right up to his. The force made you jerk forward and because of the height difference made your feet dangle. It hurt like hell and it was the only time you’d truly been scared of Sam. His nose lowered and he ran it along your neck. With Sam being so close, your senses were filled to the brim with nothing but Sam. Sam Sam Sam. It made your brain shut down, your heart rate speed up and most importantly, you were forcing your thighs together to keep the scent of your slick from reaching Sam.

From his expression, that didn’t seem to work. “Stop struggling omega, I can smell you.” His tongue dipped out and ran a stripe along your skin. The coolness of his tongue a sharp contrast from the heat of your own skin. “Let me satisfy you. None of those Alphas could handle you like I could.” He continued the motion, but added his free hand into the mix. He let his thumb brush over the zipper on the dress.

“Sam, we..cant.” You pant, even you didn’t believe that. “We hate each other.” Sam merely chuckled at that. His thumb and pointer finger grasping the zipper and pulled it down. “Sa-Sam.” You whined his name as he moved the straps off of your body.

“I don’t hate you Y/n and you know that. I was just never around a girl who didn’t grovel at my feet. You’re the only girl I want.” Sam whispered. “Don’t you feel the same?” He asked and let you go, the dress slipping down your body.

A blush spread across the both of your faces. The lingerie set you wore was meant more to not show up under the skin tight dress. Very little was left to the imagination, as you wore a thong and a push up bra. There was a cold breeze that flashed over your body, bringing your nipples to a point. Sam kept his eyes level to yours, respectful.

It was amazing to you, the way Sam was dominate and yet still respectful of you. You could have easily left but you didn’t want to. You wanted to be here.

Your eyes lingered on Sam but you realized you had been looking at your relationship all wrong. Yeah, Sam was the only one out there that didn’t act differently around you and you never changed who you were for him.

Somehow there had been a Jane Austen romance brewing between you two. Now here he was, asking to make you his.

How could you turn down those puppy dog eyes?

“Yeah Sam. I want you.” That seemed to be enough for him.

Sam pinned you against the door, fingers wrapping around both wrists as he lowered his mouth to yours. He smirked and stilled only inches apart from you. You whined, wanting to feel the alpha’s kiss. He let you keep on like that for a while but eventually Sam couldn’t hold off from teasing you.

He kissed you, and the inner twelve year old screamed in excitement. It wasn’t your first kiss but the few that you’d had were utter garbage compared to this. Sam was experienced and knew how to make each touch or caress turn you into a whimpering mess. “Please Sam, more.”

A smile grew on Sams face as you begged him. “Anything you want, princess.” He manhandled you and set you down on your father’s desk. Sam went back and locked the door from any wandering party goers. His hand moved from your inner thigh to your core, his thick fingers pressing against you.

His lip curled into a snarl as he brought his face down to your knees. Sam's eyes lingered on your bare skin, pushing your thighs apart. The room was silent as Sam buried his face there and started to kiss at the smooth and silky skin in front of his face.

“Sam,” You whined, voice coming out weak and desperate. Something was stirring in you, but all you wanted was Sam, completely. Your body didn’t feel like your own as Sam tugged your thong to the side. Sam's head lowered and nuzzled his way into your folds wordlessly.

Nothing had felt as good as Sam Winchester between your thighs. A few expert licks and sucks had you humming like a girl who figured out what her clit did. Your body was crying for more, the slick that was slipping out of your cunt like water on glass. Over and over. Sam kept his head buried between your thighs. Almost as if he was worshipping you, or apologizing for the years of anger between the two of you.

At some point in one of your orgasms, you begged him to fuck you. Good and proper, like an omega in heat. Sam seemed willing enough as he pulled back from your slit and started to undress to your level. “Cmon Alpha. Fill me up.”

That was all Sam needed to turn you around and force you onto your stomach. He grabbed a fist-full of your hair and tugged your head back. Sam's cock brushed along the outside of your slit. His head burying into your neck. “You were purposefully fucking with me all night. Touching Dean, touching Nick. All the wrong men. I watched you, I know you haven’t fucked anyone. Which means your pussy is going to be mine and mine alone.”

The words might have just been talk but the way Sam made you feel like you were always going to be his made you weak in the damn knees. Sam didn’t need to worry about it being too tight to get into you. Your body was more than prepped. His hands dropped to your waist as he fucked you over and over onto his cock, He let you enjoy the feeling of it. He wanted you to be ruined for any man, should you think he couldn’t be enough. He watched as you came for what felt like the hundredth time.

You didn’t mind Sam ruining you; it seems he was going to be hard to get off your mind.

Sam’s nose crinkled slightly as he woke up to the alarm on his phone. One of his hands raised to his face as he rubbed at his eyes. He turned the alarm off before he got out of bed and headed to the shower. His forehead pressed against the cold tile as he let the cold water rush over him.

His thoughts lingered  on his dream. Pushing aside from how real it felt and the intense hard on he’d gotten once he’d woken up. Sam also longed for the life this /other/ version of himself. He could count on his fingers the amount of times he’d dreamt like this. Of himself in another life, a happier one. 

What made him confused though was that even then Sam dreamed of Madison or Amelia.  Jessica on a particularly rough night. Sam wasn’t sure where he’d seen you before. He must have, otherwise, how would he have known who you were otherwise? Y/N Y/LN…He’d have to find you. 

Tags: @tarot-thot @cuddly-cat-in-a-trench-coat @timeless-crow @musiclovinchic93

[fanfics-of-marvel]

Please Stay

One Shot

Release date: 04/02/2020

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Reader

Y/N: You’ve been working with Bucky at S.H.I.E.L.D. for about a year during which you both had kept aside the fact that you like each other. Until one day Bucky unexpectedly shows up at your apartment with a most valuable present.

Words count: 3.1K

A/N: This was supposed to be a Christmas fanfic but I was unable to finish it before Christmas, so I decided to re-write it with a different theme but keeping the original idea.

Warnings: None!

One Shots | Masterlist

Taglist: @all-things-marvel-related ; @steeeeverogers ; @chipilerendi ; @starkershomelife ; @itavero-pater (still unable to properly tag this person) ; @merlin-288 ; @nutellakirb ;  @livsheph ; @ivvitm1109 ; @misstummelisa ;

I’m not a native English speaker, so there might be spelling or grammatical mistakes.

This fanfic is my own work, it is not to be re-posted on this site or posted anywhere else without my knowledge and consent!

——————————————————–

“Bucky?” You asked surprised after you opened the door and saw him standing outside of your apartment.

You had been working for S.H.I.E.L.D. for 4 years during which you had gradually become a top level agent proving countless times your abilities. You usually worked alone or in a small team of people upon the most dangerous missions. And about a year ago you started having common missions with Bucky.

The first one happened shortly after he joined the organization alongside Sam. They were a duo, only sometimes partnering with Sharon on bigger missions. Until about a year ago.

There was a rumor of a big gang of people who were supposed to be new followers of Hydra. More agents were immediately sent to help the trio, including you. The mission was tough and you had to do a lot of spy work trying to infiltrate the alleged criminal organization. It all turned out to be a false alarm which made everyone angry. All that exertion for nothing.

It wasn’t until you had to prepare your report of the mission when you actually noticed Bucky. He’d always been just the biggest weapon of Hydra for you. The longest serving POW. A tragic victim. You never paid any attention to him while he was at the base, nor when he was at the café for lunch as well. You’d always passed by him as any other colleague at S.H.I.E.L.D.

But after your vain mission was over the task for writing the report was given to you two. And on that day for the first time you actually looked at him. Not just for a quick glance while passing by him at the corridor or coordinating your next moves on the mission. You actually looked at him. You noticed the beautiful features of his face. You sank into his captivating steel blue eyes. You melted at the sight of his smile.  Your knees felt weaker at the natural scent of his body. His voice sounded like music to your ears, finally hearing it speaking softly for a normal conversation, other than yelling in the walkie-talkie how the suspects were getting away or that something was not going according to plan.

Your breath was taken away and secretly your heart was stolen. But you didn’t realize that until much later. For a while your missions were different than his, so you rarely saw each other. It wasn’t easy to forget Bucky once you’ve met him up close but your job totally consumed you, so your mind was constantly distracted. You rarely even saw him at lunch breaks.

This continued for a while until you got another order to follow Bucky and Sam into another mission. Your heart skipped a beat as you felt butterflies in your stomach knowing you would be close to Bucky again. It only got reinforced when there was a direct danger for you two and he bravely grabbed you in his arms and covered you with his body in case of bullets being fired. Face to face you could feel his warm breath upon your face. His muscly body was roughly pressed against yours. You got lost into his eyes which were looking straight into yours. You completely forgot about the ongoing situation until a nearby explosion blew the two of you few meters away.

The mission was successful and Fury started putting you on assignments alongside Sam and Bucky more often. Work was work, so you two usually kept a distance from one another. That little distraction from the previous mission could have costed both of you your lives. Completely synchronized you two started avoiding each other and only allowing some momentary glances here and there.

Until that tragic day.

Completely unexpected there was a terrorist attack with a suicide bomber. 115 people dead and more than 500 people injured. You were immediately sent with Bucky, Sam and other agents to investigate the premises. The hardest mission you’ve ever had.

With a heavy heart you learned that amongst the victims was your beloved aunt – your only living relative who adopted you after your parents died when you were just a teenager. You were devastated.

Then it was the only time when Bucky allowed closeness between you two. He held you in his arms as you cried and cried until his jacket was very wet. His soft right hand stroked your head as he spoke gently in your ear assuring you that everything would be alright. How she was at a better place now and he would always be there for you when you needed him.

But shortly after the funeral the distance between you two got bigger again. Your strength didn’t let you have any breakdowns and you took the hit like a hero. You didn’t need Bucky. Not at all.

“What are you doing here?” You asked a little shocked. Bucky didn’t know where you lived which meant he had asked at the base particularly for your address.

“I’m sorry to be bothering you.” He replied seemingly uncomfortable.

You looked at him concerned. Your heart skipped a bit. Could it be that another tragedy had occurred?

“May I come in?” Bucky finally asked after a short pause.

You took your time too. You weren’t certain whether you wanted to let him in or not. Nobody at S.H.I.E.L.D. really knew where you lived except some high-ranking agents such as Fury and Hill. And you preferred it that way. It gave you a certain level of calmness and you knew the chances of complications were lower. You loved your privacy and intimate zone. And now suddenly Bucky was invading it.

“Of course.” You finally said as you walked away from the door, so he could walk in.

You noticed he was caring a small box nicely wrapped as a present. The paper was dark purple with a light purple ribbon on top. Your favourite colour.

As Bucky stood in front of you as close as possible you noticed everything about him again. His beautiful blue eyes, the handsome manly features of his face, the barely perceptible scent of a cologne. Had he dressed up for you? He was wearing a nice plane shirt and a pair of dark blue jeans. He was clean shaven and his hair was nicely combed. His metal arm was discretely hidden underneath a glove. During missions and at the base he was always at his battle outfit, his hair was messy, he always had a stubble beard and he never wore any cologne. This was either for you or he was going on a date afterwards.

So many thoughts of him passed through your head. So many old memories which you had suppressed because you thought it was wrong to seek any closeness with him for he was your colleague at S.H.I.E.L.D. An agent with whom you had common missions. A forbidden man even though there was nobody to forbid Bucky from you.

You suddenly remembered how beautiful of a person he was with a most soft soul. You remembered a particular mission during which he had risked his life in order to save a small puppy from eminent danger. How, during another mission, he had fed some homeless people on his way to S.H.I.E.L.D.’s target. Or about the fact he could often be seen spending time with some WWII veterans as he told them stories of his own, too.

But most of all you remembered the mission during which your bodies were entangled together as Bucky protected you from a possible direct hit. And when he held you in his arms while you cried after losing your aunt. You had never felt such warmness and caring prior to it.

“Is there any particular reason you came here?” You finally asked even though you knew there must be one.

“Erm…” Bucky seemed nervous and slightly uncertain of what he had preliminary intended to do coming to your apartment.

He was looking down at the present he was holding as if it would tell him what to do next.

“Is this for me?” You finally asked. You didn’t want him to torture himself any longer.

Bucky took a deep breath somewhat relieved. “Yes.” He said after which he handed it towards you.

You were looking at the box wrapped in purple at Bucky’s hands. What could he possibly be giving you? It wasn’t your birthday, nor Christmas. Maybe he was confused?

“Thank you.” You quietly said after you took the present from his hands. You looked at it for a while. “Why purple?” You finally spoke.

Bucky looked down seemingly embarrassed. “You mentioned once purple is your favourite colour.”

“I don’t remember talking about it with you.”

“You didn’t.” Bucky replied even more embarrassed. “I overheard you during lunchtime once. You were talking to agent Ross.”

You observed him for a moment. Perhaps while you hadn’t paid attention to him during lunch, he had paid attention to you.

With very careful and uncertain moves you started unwrapping the present. Bucky observed you cautiously. The box beneath the wrapping paper looked like a jewelry box. You gasped. Why would he be giving you any jewelries? You slowly opened it and found a medallion inside.

You looked at Bucky a little bit confused. The medallion looked awfully familiar.

“I found it during our final mission.” Bucky started. “I knew about the medallion and what it meant to you because I’ve heard you talking about it during lunch.” He paused for a moment. “I saw it lying on the ground covered with dirt. Easy to miss.” He pointed at the locking mechanism. “It was broken and I guess that’s how it fell. I bought you a new chain but if you want the old one I still have it at home.” He added speaking so softly.

With watery eyes you looked down at the object in your hands. You took the medallion out of the box. You pressed the mechanism and it opened like a book. You saw the only photos which you had left of your parents whom you lost in a fire alongside all of your belongings prior to it.

“Oh, Bucky…” You gasped overwhelmed of reuniting with your invaluable possession.  “I don’t know what to say.”

“Then don’t say anything.” He replied gently. After a short pause he continued. “I didn’t know how to give it back to you. I thought I could hand it to somebody else who would then give it to you. Maybe send it to your apartment or leave it on your desk at S.H.I.E.L.D. But…” There was another pause during which the two of you just stared into each other’s eyes. “I thought it’ll be best to give it to you personally.”

By this time actual tears were falling down your face. Your lower lip was trembling. You couldn’t even find any words.

“Thank you.” Was the only thing you could say.

Then abruptly you felt Bucky’s burly body pressed at yours as your hands were wrapped around his neck. Your breath stopped for a moment when you felt his hands replying to your hug by putting them around your waist. You stayed like this for a few seconds inhaling the divine scent of his body mixed with the cologne.

“Come here.” Bucky said as he gently pushed you away and then turned you around still holding you.

You felt his warm right hand moving your hair away revealing your neck exposed. You could feel the gentle tickle from his breath. Shivers ran throughout your entire body.

Suddenly, both of his arms were around you as they gently took the medallion from your hand. You noticed he had removed the glove as his metal arm was gleaming underneath your corridor lamp’s light. He put the medallion around your neck.

Bucky’s hands remained upon your exposed skin for a moment while his lips were just a few centimeters away. You felt like he was fighting against the desire to kiss the nude skin of your neck. You closed your eyes expecting this to happen any moment breathing heavily. Instead you felt Bucky stepping away.

“I guess I should be going.” He said.

You opened your eyes disappointed. Not the sequence you hoped for. You slowly turned to him and looked him straight in his eyes.

“Stay.” You whispered.

The closeness of his body and mind, his breath upon your skin, his scent, his soul was all that you wanted right now.

“Please stay.” You whispered again as you made a step closer to him.

“I can’t.” Bucky whispered back.

You knew very well why he was saying that. He was afraid of what might follow. You were colleagues at S.H.I.E.L.D. There was no direct ban against two agents dating but such relationships weren’t much tolerated because the management thought it might affect their work or might lead to compromising the missions.

“Y/N, you know I can’t stay.” Bucky was insistent as you made another step towards him.

“But I want you to stay.” You were right in front of him looking at his sparkling eyes.

“Bucky…” You whispered as you put your hands around his face and gently pulled it down towards your lips while lifting yourself up.

Bucky didn’t fight it. He couldn’t fight it. A moment later your lips touched his. Both of you shuddered. The kiss was long and sweet.

After that you moved away and looked him in the eyes hoping to read what they were saying. Instead Bucky put his arms around your waist again and pressed his lips at yours. Your bodies trembled even more. The kiss turned into a gentle making out. You ruffled Bucky’s hair while he pressed you even harder at his body.

When the kiss was finally over you held Bucky’s cold metal arm in your small warm hand. “Stay.” You whispered again as you walked further inside your apartment.

Bucky obediently followed you without any resistance. While smiling and looking back at him you suddenly bumped into a wall. Bucky took the chance by pressing your body at it with his and kissed you passionately until you got dizzy and sweaty.

Then for the rest of the day you two got completely consumed by each other. You spoke about your parents. You told Bucky who they were, what they did for a living. How your mom used to make a Sunday cake for the three of you every week. Or how mad your dad would get every time you said you were going out with a boy. You told him of that time when your mom almost forgot you at a supermarket when you were little because she got carried away talking to a friend. And how loving and caring your parents were until a house fire took them away from you.

In his own turn Bucky told you about his life when he was growing up. What meals his mom used to make and what a troublesome son he was. How he used to do mischiefs all the time and how often he would drag his sister into them as well. And how she always got away with it because their parents knew that it was entirely his fault. And even though his dad would punish Bucky for his misbehaviour he couldn’t have been more proud of his son when Bucky joined the army. But Bucky’s smile slowly faded as he reached the point of the war talking about the misery he had gone through.

You two absorbed any word told by the other and before you knew it a few hours had passed. Completely drained by each of your stories you two were just sitting and looking into each other. You had never felt closer to anybody beforehand and same was applicable about Bucky.

Then he took any chance to kiss you again and again as you tried to make dinner. He helped you prepare it while holding you from behind with his body pressed at yours. Whispering gently in your ear how much he’d always liked you since the very beginning. How you had taken over his mind but he had always kept it inside in fear of compromising his or your work at S.H.I.E.L.D.

And after you two had dinner Bucky held you in his arms for a slow dance when the proper song came on the radio. His metal arm was pressing you at his body as to ensure that you wouldn’t run away from him. And once when the song was over he continued holding you for a while without saying a word as you two were consumed in the moment.

Then came your sudden muse to make cookies when Bucky trashed your entire kitchen. Remembering the times when his mom used to make cookies when he was a kid the child in him awoke. The naughty little boy returned as he blew some flour in your face as a tease and held objects in the air knowing you were too short to reach them. When you tried to protest Bucky grabbed you from behind and kissed your neck purposely tickling it. You screamed in hopes of help even though you loved this. In these acts you pushed down numerous objects off of the countertop breaking jars and spilling ingredients. Then Bucky started eating the dough before you had made the figures in which you wanted to bake the cookies. You wanted to stop him but he started running around the kitchen pushing down even more things.

Once you had managed to put the cookies in the oven you pretended to be angry and offended, even though you had fun. But Bucky read straight through you as he started tickling your entire body. You screamed and tried to run away. Bucky was chasing you throughout the entire apartment when you accidentally tripped and fell. You laughed like crazy as Bucky sat down next to you laughing as well. Then he held you and lifted you up.

Your bodies were close again and your lips found each other on their own. Bucky put you on the countertop with his hands wrapped around your waist. Your hands were around his neck gently stroking the back of his head while your legs were squeezing the sides of his hips.

Kiss after kiss, abruptly, you sensed the smell of something burning. “The cookies”, you screamed but it was too late. You were disappointed that all of your efforts were ruined. But Bucky gently kissed your forehead and said “It doesn’t matter”. Then he lifted you and carried you the couch. He ordered to stay there and find a nice movie to watch. Few minutes later he came back with two mugs of hot cocoa. You smiled like an idiot as you snuggled at him drinking the sweet delicious drink.

Once you finished them Bucky took the nearby blanket and lied down on the couch making sure your head was upon his big chest. You sunk in the divine scent of his body. What a luck it was that you happened to lose your medallion.

——————————————————–

Thank you for reading! If you liked it please react - reply/like/reblog! Your support is appreciated!

This fanfic is my own work, it is not to be re-posted on this site or posted anywhere else without my knowledge and consent!

[artemisegeria]

Love by Design (Chapter 11/11)

Title: Love by Design (Chapter 11/11)

Rating: T

Word count: 3111

Warnings: None for this chapter.  

Summary: Vision makes elaborate foam art as a barista at the coffee shop that his brother owns. One day a new customer comes in, and he completely loses his cool. As she keeps coming back, they grow closer. A casual acquaintance becomes something much more.

Chapter Summary: Vision and Wanda consider where they are in life and prepare for the next stage of their journey.

AO3 link: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16272371

Chapter 1  | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5 | Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Chapter 10

A/N: I included a bit about Hanukkah practices towards the end that I only learned from some internet research. I apologize for any mistakes. Please let me know if you have corrections, and I will update.

 Vision set to unpacking as soon as he arrived home. He wanted to be finished when Wanda came over for dinner. It was a simple matter to warm up leftovers of a meal he had prepared before he left. He chose a far less elaborate table setting than usual as well. Now, he only had to wait for his girlfriend. He couldn’t help grinning at the term, though it had been almost three months.

He heard the door click open just before Wanda’s shout of “Vizh! You’re back!” reached his ears. He had just enough time to open his arms before she launched herself at him. “How was the conference?” The words were spoken into his chest.

“It was excellent.” He took a moment to rest his cheek on the top of her head. They merely stood in silence for a time. It had only been a week, but now that he was back with Wanda, it felt like a small eternity. “How are you?”

“Mmm, good.”

“Indeed.” He gratefully enveloped her in his arms, resting his cheek on the top of her head.

When she pulled back, she fingered the pin on his lapel. “You’re still wearing it.” He pressed his hand over hers. The little coffee cup had not left his lapel since he opened it.

“Yes, I deeply appreciate your gift. I plan to leave it here permanently. Or at least until I buy another jacket.”

“I’m glad. Now, tell me more.” He explained the topics of some of the presentations, the reception to his paper, and the people he had met as he guided her toward the table. They continued talking throughout dinner until she looked at him more closely. “There’s something else, isn’t there?”

Vision was a bit unnerved, though not terribly surprised, that she had guessed he was holding back. He prided himself on stoicism, but this was to be expected, given how close they had become. “Yes, I met someone from the university that I have not met before. We got along quite well, and he informed me that they were short on history professors for the upcoming semester. He asked me to send him my resume, and he would see if he had anything for me.”

“That’s wonderful! Why didn’t you just say?”

“Well, it’s by no means a sure thing. Even if I get the position, it will only be for the Spring semester.”

“Still that’s a job in your field that you worked so hard for!” She got up and moved around the table to embrace him. Vision eagerly returned her hug, enjoying the feel of her in his arms, dinner forgotten. “Let’s celebrate recklessly!”

Vision caught her enthusiasm and spontaneously rose, causing her to stumble slightly. He held her up and led her smoothly into a waltz, which drew a shriek of laughter from her lips. They danced around the table into the main living area. Wanda did bring out his fun-loving side.

He was even inspired to surprise her with a twirl. When she spun back toward him, he transferred his hands to her waist and lifted her slightly in the air. Wanda let out another gust of laughter. When he lowered her back to her feet, she leaned against him, breathing elevated. “You suggested recklessness.” Vision found himself smirking at her. He was quite certain that this was not what she had intended.

“So I did.” The smile that bloomed on her face along with the color in her cheeks was one of the most beautiful Vision had ever seen. “Maybe I didn’t choose my words carefully enough. Not that I’m complaining.” She slid her arms around his neck, pulling his face down to hers.

He could have happily drowned in the kiss, but they separated after only a few moments. They still shared sentimental throughout the rest of their dinner. After cleaning up, they settled on the couch to watch a movie. Vision was able to relax fully for the first time since he left for the conference. Wanda was curled comfortably against his side and the kisses they shared at intervals left him warm and at peace.

***

On Saturday night, Wanda arrived at Vision’s apartment after everyone else had shown up. The Monopoly board was already set up when she let herself in. Vision approached her and gave her a peck on the lips in greeting. It was nice not to have to hide any longer. She was warmed from the inside out by the fact that she was finally able to admit how much she cared for him, both to herself and to the world.

“Okay, lovebirds, come on!” Tony shouted.

They walked over to the board. “For someone who wanted us to get together so badly, you don’t seem to like it now that we are.”

“Only when it interrupts the serious business of game night.”

“Alright, alright. Now you’re all just stalling. Let’s go!” Natasha rubbed her hands together. “You’re just afraid.”

“You wish,” Sam whooped.

Wanda sat down next to Natasha, pulling Vision down with her. “What’s the record, Nat? I think you know Monopoly is my game.”

Her eyes narrowed at Wanda, showing a hint of a true threat. “We’ll see.”

A new round of trash talk broke out as Steve divided the money and everyone fought over the pieces.

***

Vision sat at his kitchen table revising his resume in preparation for his meeting at the university. While taking a break from a line, his eyes fell on the bottle with the model ship inside. He appreciated Wanda’s thought in bringing him the memento, but he tried to think of his brother as little as possible.

They had not been close for years, but never expected Ultron to do something quite like this. Thinking about him threatened to lead Vision into tears, or even rage in the right mood. Vision took a deep breath to bring himself under control.

Regardless, Vision was ever an optimist. He looked to the silver lining. He was finally free. He knew that his brother would never have let him leave the shop without a fight. Now he could pursue his own dreams.

A part of him wondered where Ultron was or if he would ever see him again. But there was Wanda and his friends to think of. He had more people in his circle now than he ever could have imagined. His life was good now.

If he received this job, he did not think he could wish for anything else. Well, perhaps there was one other thing, but he was not certain he was ready to tell Wanda the full extent of his feelings.

***

Wanda placed the call to Pietro as soon as she got home from work. She grinned at his face on the screen. “Long time no talk.”

He immediately adopted the look of an injured puppy dog. “Whose fault is that, Wanda? I can barely get a text from you these days.”

She hung her head slightly. It was true she had been neglecting him. “Sorry. You know how it is with the beginning of the year. I’ll do better. Tell me all about what I’ve missed.”

He obliged her with tales of summer training and his newest hot cross-country prospects. He was still prepared for his school to be number one in the country. As his news wound down, his expression gradually shifted into a challenging smirk. “But you’ve been busy with more than just school, haven’t you?”

Wanda thought back to all the pictures of her posted on her and her friends’ social media accounts that Pietro had liked. It was really no use to deny what he was getting at. “Maybe.”

“So is that friend who showed you the concert flyer and dressed up with you and that you talk about all the time still just a friend?”

Wanda had planned to keep her announcement very matter of fact, but a wide smile spread across her face against her will. “No, Pietro. We’re dating. We’ve been dating for almost three months.”

Pietro put a hand to his chest and half reclined in a fake swoon. “And you’re only now telling me?”

“We were keeping it quiet. I didn’t tell anyone else either. Vision is wonderful, but I wanted to be sure first.”

“Sure of what? Are you thinking of marrying him already?”

“No! Pietro! We only just made our relationship public and official.”

“Yeah, but you’ve been grinning about him like a love-sick puppy for months now. It took me far too long to connect the dots, but every time you mentioned a certain ‘friend,’ you got all giddy and started gushing.”

Wanda opened her mouth to deny Pietro’s claim, but quickly realized it was useless. “Maybe. Look, I really like him. I just want to see where everything goes naturally.”

“Okay, Wanda, I give in.” His grin took on a wicked glint. “I am meeting him the next time I visit, though.”

Wanda shook her head at the thought of what kind of interrogation Pietro would subject Vision to. “Fine, but you have to be nice.”

“Oh, I will be. As long as he doesn’t hurt you, I have no reason to be anything but pleasant to him.”

“Good, because you will have me to answer to.” She hoped her glare communicated her threat sufficiently. Pietro may be her brother, whom she loved dearly, but he would not ruin this.

He did not look overly worried, but he did nod seriously. “Duly noted. Now, what do you think about this shirt? You haven’t said anything about it.” Wanda let the conversation drift to other things. A few hours later they wrapped up their conversation with promises of talking again soon.

Even after they ended the call, her brother’s conversation stayed with her the rest of the night. Marriage was not something she had considered yet. She had never really considered it too much at all, always convinced it would be difficult for her to find someone with whom she could make it work. Even since finding Vision and realizing how much she cared about him, she feared thinking too far in the future. But one word was pounding more insistently in her brain with every passing day.

She’d been hiding it behind different terms. Friendship. Care. Like. Fondness.

But as always, her brother knew her better than she knew herself. What she was hiding from was love. She loved Vision. Part of her was still terrified by the thought, but she could not live without attachments. She had tried for so long, but it did her life no good. Vision brought her too much joy to deny her feelings much longer.

***

Vision parked his car outside of Wanda’s building and strolled toward the school. She came out a few minutes after he arrived. “Hey, Vizh!” She reached for his hand, and they resumed walking. “What do you want to do?”

“I thought we could just window shop.” He knew that would take them past the old coffee shop, but he thought he was prepared to see it. The early October air was chilly, but the sun was bright and inviting. They would not have many more beautiful days like this; it was only right to take advantage of it.

Wanda glanced up at him, slight concern in her eyes. “Are you sure?” Vision was cheered that her thoughts had apparently traveled in the same direction as his.

He squeezed her hand reassuringly. “Yes, I’ve had some time to get used to the fact that that is not my life any longer.” Grateful as Vision was for that, a part of him still felt a pang for the loss of all those years.

“All right. Sounds good then.” She started swinging the arm whose hand he was holding, and he smiled at her successful attempt to distract him. “How was your day?”

“It went very well. I finished filling out the paperwork for the professorship. And yours?”

“Same. Just finishing up casting for the play.”

“Will you need help with the sets again?”

“Of course. Don’t think you can get out of it just because you’re my boyfriend now.”

“I would not dream of it.”

“Good. I’m -.” Vision looked down at her questioningly when she abruptly fell silent, until he noticed where they were.

The last time Vision had passed the shop, paper was still darkening the windows, along with a sign that announced it was temporarily closed due to new management. Now it was taken over by global coffee chain. All signs of individuality had been wiped away. There were only identical dark brown faux-wooden tables and stools. Vision was slightly affronted that it was more crowded than it had ever been while he had poured his energy into making the shop homey and comfortable.

Wanda pulled on his hand, drawing him out of his contemplation. “Do you mind if we go in? I am curious.”

“I suppose I am as well.” She drew him inside. Vision was grateful for the anchor she provided. He was curious, though he feared the worst.

She drew him through the door, and they waited in line. Wanda ordered a far more complicated drink than her usual fare, while he selected a hot chocolate. He reached for his wallet, but Wanda had already inserted her debit card. “My treat. It didn’t seem fair to make you pay here.”

“Thank you.” As they waited at the counter for their drinks, they watched the barista, a boy with dark brown hair that swooped down his forehead, gaze longingly at a buff blond boy in a football uniform.

By the time they got their drinks, a table had cleared up, so Vision and Wanda sat down to people watch. After a few minutes, Wanda nudged him and nodded toward the counter. The blond boy had come up to ask for a refill. He was laughing at something the barista said. Vision wished them well.

He turned back to Wanda to find her wearing an odd expression, part thoughtful, part amused, and part wistful. She smiled as soon as she caught him watching her. “Oh, to be young and in love.” Wanda’s voice shook on the last word. “I wish I could wear my heart on my sleeve like that.”

“It is likely easier with less perspective and heartbreak behind you.” He wanted to comfort her, but he wondered what his excuse was. He’d never been heartbroken or suffered a bad relationship. Yet he was still denying the label that he’d adopted whenever he thought of Wanda.

“You’re right.” She looked like she was about to say something else, but she shook her head. “We should probably get going before it gets dark.”

Vision followed her willingly, thinking that perhaps it was time to take and a risk and make his confession.

***

Wanda sat on her couch, working on some revisions for the musical. Vision was sitting next to her, with a book in hand. She continued grading until she realized that Vision had stopped reading and was just staring at her. His hands fidgeted as he turned back to the book when he felt her attention.

Smiling at him, Wanda asked, “Everything okay?” He nodded, but he wasn’t looking directly at her.

When she finished with the papers, Vision wrapped his arm around Wanda’s shoulders, and she leaned into him. He was still tense. Without warning, he broke the comfortable silence. “I have been reading about proper menorah placement.” She was taken aback, but before she could ask where he was going with this, he continued. “It seems there are many conflicting authorities concerning where a menorah should be lit. Many suggest that the menorah should be placed in a window facing the street or the dining room. Seeing as I don’t have either of those, I was wondering where the next best option was.”

“Why were you reading about this, Vizh? Hannukah’s almost two months away.” Despite her confusion, she couldn’t resist teasing, “Thinking about converting?” She knew he was not part of an organized religion, but there was no other reason she could think of that he would need a menorah.

Vision blushed a bit, but his hands were steady as he reached out to cup her face and his voice was sure. “As we have discussed, advanced planning is my forte.” Wanda shook her head and poked him. He let his expression become somewhat distant and fond. “Since you stay here overnight frequently, I was wondering if you would like to have one here. It seemed more practical to get my own, rather than have you bring yours.”

“Th-that’s not really necessary for eight days. It’s no trouble to bring mine.”

“I don’t mind.” He kissed her cheek, his warm breath making her shiver slightly. He took a deep breath before he continued, eyes shifting back and forth rapidly. “And there is always next year. And the year after that.”

Wanda looked up at him sharply, pulling away. “You’re already thinking about next year?”

“Yes, I hope it’s not too presumptuous of me, but I see no reason why we would not still be together next year.”

Her heart was pounding, but she still had the presence of mind to say, “I don’t think it’s presumptuous if you ask me about it first. And I think a menorah would look good on your windowsill over there.” She pointed to a window in the main living area that overlooked a walkway. “The main idea is that it’s visible from outside.”

A look of intense, hopeful apprehension lit up his eyes. Suddenly, this question seemed far more important. “Is that a yes, then?”

“Yes.” She made sure to look Vision directly in the eye when she said it, trying to communicate all she meant with that one word. That she liked the idea of a future with him. That her doubts only cam from the fear of losing another person dear to her, not from her feelings for him.

Vision apparently received her message loud and clear because the apprehension vanished, replaced by a deep, joyful certainty. He took a pause, staring as deeply into her eyes as she had done. “I love you, Wanda.”

She’d known on some level that this was coming. And she found that she wasn’t as terrified to hear those words as she thought she would be. She knew it was the truth, and she knew she felt the same, though she hadn’t dared to verbalize even to herself.

The future fell into place around her. “I love you, too, Vision.”

 The End

 A/N: Well, that’s all, folks! It’s been almost a year and a half. I had fun writing this, but I’m ready to move on to other projects. Thanks to everyone who’s stuck with it, or picked it up along the way.