#THE REI WHO HAS LOST ALMOST ALL 9 OF HIS LIVES AND A GOOD BOY GARU TO KEEP HIM GROUNDED??

[fisheito]

wait. puss in boots rei? unfulfilled dream? as.. as in. kinda like. a last wish.? like. the last puss in boots movie.? perrito garu?????

[staarshines]

It’s Not All Roses Chapter 1: astra (HighSchool!AU) || P.D.

| It’s Not All Roses Masterlist |

Warnings: cursing

Word Count: 3.1k

Excerpt: “Meet Rey! She’s in our english class, remember?” You can’t believe it for a minute—Wait, was this Poe’s doing? No, he was walking up the stairs with you… You look around, seeing him walk into the row from the other side. What the hell were the odds?

[A/N]: i haven’t been on here for months but we don’t talk about that❤️ also, the pandemic doesn’t exist here. bonne lecture.

Your Sour Patch Kids and Sprite, Finn’s Milky Way and Gatorade… You look over the items in your hands once more, hurrying through the crowds of kids masked in orange and white, proudly showing off Amidala-Skywalker High School’s colors; a stark contrast to the crowd bathed in red and black on the other side of the podium.

You mentally curse yourself for even wanting to come to the Homecoming game between Amidala-Skywalker and Geonosis High—dragging Finn along with you on top of that.

If Homecoming was this overhyped, you were going to be pissed.

Lost in thought, you unavoidably manage to run into someone, wincing when you hear the crack of your Sprite can hit the ground and open.

“My bad.”

You look back up to see a cute guy looking back at you with apologetic eyes, grinning, while his wild chocolate-colored curls frame his face.

“No, you’re good. It was my fault for running into you.”

“Nah, that was me. Got a little too focused on the game.” Both of you erupt into awkward laughter, bending down to pick up the snacks now lying on the ground. “I’m Poe, by the way.”

You look up once more, breath hitching in your throat because of how close you are to him—had you moved five inches closer, your lips would be pressed flush up against his. Your cheeks heat up at the thought and you forget how to speak for a few moments, watching him hold back a smirk.

This fucker knew exactly—

“I’m Y/N,” you quickly blurt out, flashing him a quick smile and grabbing the candy and sports drink, noticing another Sprite can that Poe hadn’t picked up. “I think that’s yours.”

“No, that one’s yours.”

“Even if it is mine, I ran into you, so you should have it.”

“Honestly? I was hoping you’d say that. Rey would kill me if I didn’t come back with her Sprite.” You chuckle and nod, standing up and smiling when he motions for you to go up the steps first.

You’re thinking about where you’ve seen him on the way up to your row, realizing that he was the one who pranked a girl—you’re guessing Rey?—in your english class by removing her headphones from her laptop’s jack while she was in the bathroom. Mr. Kenobi nearly fell out of his seat when he heard “WAP” blaring at full volume.

Needless to say, she was not happy.

You slide into the row Finn is sitting in, throwing him his candy and the Gatorade bottle—the latter of which he nearly doesn’t catch, which would’ve resulted in it hitting the brunette next to him.

“Y/N! Meet Rey! She’s in our english class, remember?” You can’t believe it for a minute—Wait, was this Poe’s doing? No, he was walking up the stairs with you… You look around, seeing him walk into the row from the other side.

What the hell were the odds?

You then remember that Finn and Rey are watching you look around like a madman, snapping you back to the situation of introductions and small-talk at hand.

“Right! The girl who—”

“Whose music blared in a dead-silent classroom in the middle of our english class? Yeah, that’s me.” You chuckle slightly, nodding to her and sitting down. Poe’s gaze catches your eye and he quirks an eyebrow, tilting his head.

What are you doing here?

A quick tilt of your head in Finn’s direction, then the game’s direction. Watching the game, apparently.

Raised eyebrows and the hint of a smirk. You following me?

An eyeroll and a bit-back smile. Oh yeah, definitely.

He shrugs with a smile on his face and sits down next to Rey, and you stifle a chuckle when you see her snatch the Sprite and Airheads from him, cracking the can open.

“What, do you two know each other?” It takes you a second to realize Finn’s question is directed at you and Poe.

“I mean kinda, we just ran into each other a while ago. Oh, that’s Poe. Poe, Finn, Finn, Poe.” They exchange warm smiles but nothing more.

“Well, I promise I’m not aiding him in anything,” Rey reads your mind, winking and eliciting a giggle from you. You look over to find him scrolling through his phone, earning a slight frown from you as you resume your normal position and pop a Sour Patch Kid into your mouth, mindlessly watching the game go on. Your phone buzzes in your pocket and you lazily pull it out, checking the notification.

      Instagram Poe Dam(n)eron (@damndameron) has requested to follow you.

        You look over at him once again, finding him now watching the game. Hm, so we’re playing this game? All right. Opening the app, you accept his request and click on his profile, a bit surprised when you see that he’s private—he pegged you as the type of guy to have a public account. Nevertheless, you hit “Follow”, waiting a few moments before refreshing and seeing that he’s accepted, giving you full access to his profile.

You see about four posts and a few story highlights, but nothing out of the ordinary. You click on his most recent post, scrolling past the beach, a hot tub at a cabin, a picture of him and Rey at Pike’s Peak—was she his girlfriend?—and lastly, a picture of someone who you guessed was his mother and him as a baby. He’s standing on her feet in what looks like their living room and you can tell that they’re dancing, a grin frozen on his mom’s face while Poe flashes a toothy smile—his dad must’ve taken the picture. It was dated November 21, posted almost one year ago. Curious, you click on the comments and start reading through them.

kare_kun_ Thinking about all of you.

r.skywalker you'll always be her flyboy, poe.

snapwexley01 she’d be so proud of you, man.

j_pava  Wish she was still here with us. Stay strong, Poe.

The last comment makes it all click into place, and you feel a pang in your heart. He’d lost his mom. How long ago? He was maybe four years old in that picture. You suddenly feel so empathetic that all you want to do is give him a hug—he was a momma’s boy; you could read it right off his face. You keep the date in mind: November 21st.

“Well, we won.” You look up in a daze to see that the clock was 6 seconds away from halftime, the score being 31-9 in Amidala-Skywalker’s favor.

“How do you kick someone’s ass that badly?” you ask with a sort of wince even though you were on the triumphant side, clicking your phone shut.

“Like that, apparently,” Poe remarks, just before the halftime buzzer rings. “You guys wanna get out of here and go to the baseball fields or something? It’s a lot less noisy but you can still hear the game’s commentary.” You’re a bit surprised at his proposal, seeing as you four just met, but you’re definitely not opposed.

“Why not?” Finn responds, shrugging his shoulders. You four get up and leave the row, nearly getting trampled in the number of kids leaving their seats to either go get food or leave the game entirely.

“C’mon, flyboy, you’re gonna get lost!” Rey yells from behind you. Flyboy. Wonder where he got that nickname.

“Oh my God, please— He did not!” you laugh, clapping a hand over your mouth while giving Poe a disbelieving look.

It’s pitch black outside now and you four are bathed in the floodlights of the baseball stadium, sitting on the grass just by home base.

“There’s fight, there’s flight, then there’s complete idiocy. Guess which one Poe has programmed into his DNA.” Poe narrows his eyes at Rey, throwing Finn’s empty Gatorade bottle at her which she catches with ease.

“It’s not my fault I wasn’t thinking—”

“Thank you for admitting that.”

“—I was panicked! There was a s’more in my hand and I just threw it in the other direction!”

“While not thinking that the bear would come after you for more,” you add, watching him huff, seeing a hint of a pout on his face. “Remind me never to go anywhere near the woods with you.”

“I like her already,” Rey remarks, to which you crack a smile.

“How long have you two been dating?” you try to crack the question as casually as possible, but let’s face it: the anticipation is eating away at you. To your surprise, they both burst out in laughter—so they’re not together?

“Oh my God, I wouldn’t date Poe in a million years. I couldn’t handle being that much impulse control for him—He’s already a liability as my best friend,” Rey laughs, shaking her head.

“I— Rude. But honestly, I wouldn’t date you either. You don’t know how to have fun,” he exaggerates the statement with his hands. You smile at their banter, a bit surprised at their relationship’s similarity to yours and Finn’s. “How long have you two been dating?”

“We’re most definitely not dating,” Finn chuckles, earning a slap to the shoulder from you.

“No need to act like you’d never date me! Remember the kiss on the playground in third grade?” you ask sarcastically, the memory bringing back a bout of nostalgia.

“That was third grade! And I was dared to do it!” You laugh, throwing an arm around him.

“I mean Finn, you seem pretty passionate about making sure she knows you don’t like her,” Poe winks, earning a fake gag from Finn.

“Oh, please. She’s like my sister.”

“Literally,” you add. “I’m pretty sure I saw you more than I saw my own parents during my childhood.”

“You, Ben, Han, and Leia, yeah,” he nods.

“Ben, Han, and Leia..?”

“Ben’s our best friend. The three of us practically grew up together with Han and Leia—his parents.”

“Han and Leia like—Dr. Solo and Dr. Organa? The ones who teach at the school?” You nod, answering Poe’s question. “I don’t think they’re married—are they divorced?”

“Never got married,” Finn explains. “Just two best friends who had a one-night stand and actually stayed civil with each other after learning about the pregnancy. They raised Ben together—and us, too, basically.”

“I miss him,” you murmur. “Why’d his stupid ass have to want to go to that college prep school way over in New York, anyway?”

“Probably just to make Han and Leia proud after all they’ve done. Mark my words, he’ll be back here in a year or two. You don’t get the high school experience at a prep school.”

“Are you talking about First Order Preparatory, the big one in New York?” Rey interjects. “That’s not a boarding school last I checked.”

“Nah, he’s living over there with his Uncle Luke. I mean, we FaceTime and all, but it’s just not the sa—”

“Shit. Shit, shit, shit. Poe, she’s coming over here.” Both Poe and Rey scramble to get up, leaving you and Finn to do the same while you steal a glance behind yourself, trying to see who Rey is talking about.

“Run,” Poe whispers in a panicked tone; Rey grabs his arm before he can take off.

“We’re not running, genius!” she hisses, looking behind you once more. You turn around, finally spotting a blonde wearing an orange shirt and white shorts, stripes of white paint just under her eyes. “We’re walking away. Quickly. Very quickly.” You turn around, finding them nodding to you and Finn; the four of you begin in the opposite direction from whoever the blondie was.

“Who are we r—walking very quickly away from?” you ask, keeping up at a brisk pace.

“Zorii Bliss. She’s been after Poe ever since fifth grade,” Rey explains, picking up her pace.

“Just tell her you’re not interested. Simple,” you mutter, arching an eyebrow.

“You think I haven’t tried? What was this summer, the seventh time I’ve turned her down?” Poe groans, and you suddenly feel terrible. They were actually running from this girl who’d been after them for five years. Couldn’t you get a restraining order or something? “She’s been with five guys—”

“Six,” Rey corrects.

“—six guys in the past four months. All she does is play them then blame them, all while still somehow looking like the victim. The Smoky Mountains trip we were just talking about—the bear and the s’mores? You don’t know how hard she tried to get in on that trip.”

“Sheesh,” Finn starts, “someone needs to—”

“Poe!” you hear someone, presumably Zorii, call out from behind you four.

“—get the hint,” Finn mutters, and the four of you turn around to find her just maybe fifty feet away. What the fuck, did she run to catch up or something?

“Hide me,” you hear Poe whisper, and before you can ask how, he’s already crouched behind you, arms around your waist.

“Long time no see,” she calls out, sauntering now. Aw c’mon, how about you run like you were doing before? Look all desperate for the cameras?

“What—She knows you’re here!”

“But I’m not.”

“Yes you are!”

“Nope.” You start to argue with him but then stop, realizing he really didn’t want to see her.

“Aw, that’s cute.” Christ, even her voice was insufferable. She looked like a bitch, too.

You really just wanted to punch her in the face.

“What do you want, exactly?”

“Who are you, his girlfriend? Funny, Poe hasn’t really ever dated anyone.” She shuffles a bit to the side and you copy her footwork to guard Poe, watching her raise her eyebrows and laugh in disbelief. “You didn’t answer my question.”

“And you didn’t answer mine,” you quip smoothly, hearing Finn quickly stifle a laugh from beside you. She gives Finn a dirty look, and you swear you’re about to drag her from her hair right now. “What do you want?”

“I just came over to say hi to Poe since we didn’t get to meet too much over the summer,” she shrugs. “Zorii Bliss.” You don’t respond, waiting for her to make her exit. “Aren’t you going to introduce yourself?”

“Couldn’t be more bothered to.” Rey sucks in a sharp breath and you’re worried that you’ve crossed some sort of line, but your stance doesn’t waver. She rolls her eyes and blows a kiss to Poe before turning on her heel and walking away—you’re sure she’s swaying her hips on purpose.

“Damn,” Poe murmurs, getting up from behind you. “You really said ‘no, bitch’ to her.” You laugh a little bit at his statement, shaking your head.

“She just really pissed me off. Hopefully that taught her a lesson and she’ll leave you alone now.”

“We can hope. I nearly fought her in the middle school parking lot once.” Finn raises his eyebrows at Rey but you just nod impressedly.

“Y’know, we should take a picture so we have something to post on Instagram,” Poe suggests. “I haven’t posted for a while.” He’s actually one of the boys who cares about his Instagram? Respect.

“Yeah, neither have I.” You shush Finn before he can start to whine about taking pictures, but Rey seems to have the same reaction as him. “Aw, c’mon you guys, it’s just one picture.”

“Fine,” Finn drawls. “Just one.”

“Maybe two,” you add with a giggle, watching him shake his head as you pull out your phone, opening the camera. “Okay, any ideas on where we should set it? Because the four of us sure as hell aren’t fitting in a square if I take a selfie.”

“If you have a popsocket, you can try to hook it inside the diamonds of the fence.”

“Good idea, flyboy,” you test the nickname out, watching his reaction closely to determine whether you’re crossing a line. He smiles, the corners of his eyes crinkling up, so you breathe a sigh of relief.

After having set your phone up on the fence—“You’re taking too long. Let me do it.” “Finn, you’re not going to have any more luck than I am.” (He, in fact, didn’t)—you press the shutter button and quickly run back to the four, throwing an arm around Finn and watching Rey neck Poe, earning a laugh from you. It’s a bit too late when you realize the picture’s already been taken, and it takes about three minutes for you both to coax Finn and Rey into taking another one. The second one turns out almost perfect, though, seeming like one of those cliché VSCO pictures that everyone posts around this time.

“Numbers,” you state simply, handing your phone to Rey. She starts adding her contact information, taking a quick selfie for her contact picture and then handing the phone off to Poe. “And give me your Instagram handles, too. I’ll tag you guys when I post.”

“You already have mine,” Poe remarks while not looking up from the phone, and you’re sure that you’re the only one who can hear the slight smugness in his voice. He hands your phone back to you and you see that he’s set the picture of his annoyed face after Rey necking him as his contact photo, which makes you giggle a bit.

After you’d sent them the pictures—Poe had named the groupchat “the avengers”, which sparked a conversation about Marvel (Finn and Poe were arguing over the best Avenger right now)—you edited the pictures slightly to make them better, uploading them to Instagram with the caption, “no friendship is an accident.”.

You four were now walking out of school boundaries towards your neighborhood—yet another thing you four discovered you had in common—but you were lost in the stars, hearing traces of the current conversation on hand (something about Asgard and the Tesseract).

“Hey. Snap out of it.” Poe snaps his fingers in front of your face and you blink, shaking your head and looking back at him.

“Huh? Sorry.”

“Staring at the stars?” he asks, looking up at the sky himself.

“Yeah. Found Ursa Major and Cassiopeia,” you point out, watching him genuinely look for the constellations, humming when he sees them too. “You like stargazing?”

“I do, actually. Have a telescope in my room and everything.”

“Oh?” You’re stepping in stride with him, completely forgetting about the other two who are also with you.

“Yeah. Y’know… you need a nickname.”

“Oh? Why’s that?”

“I dunno, I just think…” he looks up at the sky then back at you, grinning as if he’s figured something out. “Astra.”

“Astra?” you ask, recognizing the word to be Greek for “star”.

“Astra,” he confirms, nodding. You raise an eyebrow, but you can’t deny that you like it.

“Well, it’s not terrible.” You were understating. You kind of loved it.

“I’ll take that as a win.”

Masterlist

All taglists are open! Send me an ask or a message :)

Permanent: @becausewhyknotme, @criminal-cookies, @theladyoffangorn, @officialtonystarkprotectionsquad, @justmebeingtheweirdmeiam, @fantasticcopeaglepasta, @talk-geek-to-me, @letsmellowjello, @thescarletknight2014, @bbluespiritzuko, @brooklynsmorales, @marvel-dameron, @marvelinsanity​, @softly-sad, @yourbucky084, @mcolbz14

Star Wars: @kittyofalltrades​, @arkofblake​, @m1rkw00dpr1ncess​, @propertyofdindjarin​, @coldbreadbouquetworld​, @melvls​, @waatermelon-sugaar​, @thedevilwearsbeskar​

Poe Dameron: @yougottakeeponkeepinon​, @poe-damnnn-eron​, @lapilark​, @peterhollandkait​, @demigod-dragonrider-schoolidol​, @twomoonstwosuns​, @writefightandflightclub​, @lady-sloan, @poes-stardust​, @legamelo​, @xremember-me-notx​, @imtheoutgoingsidekick-baby​, @yourbucky084​, @agents-assemble​, @asianravenpuff​, @daydreamerinadazedworld​

“It’s Not All Roses” Taglist: @marvelous-capsicle​, @fishswimbetterunderwater​, @r2fucku, @missmadwoman​

[prettyboysdontlookatexplosions]

songs on taylor swift’s LOVER (2019), a concept album about eliot waugh and quentin coldwater from SYFY’s the magicians, rated by how much they are about eliot waugh and quentin coldwater from SYFY’s the magicians

i forgot that you existed - lmao these dummies will never be over each other. bumped a bit because it would be good on the soundtrack for the fic i still kinda want someone to write where eliot gets brainwashed by the dark king who for god’s sake is not trying to bring back to life his beloved who died because of homophobia and gets catfished by his dead brother but is just a supernatural evil despot manipulating eliot’s pain and erasing his memories of quentin only to be defeated of course by the power of true love. weak showing to start but things quickly improve. 2/10

cruel summer - this is a song about being out of your mind with horniness for someone you would rather die than admit you’ve caught feelings for, which is.... VERY queliot. love eliot watching quentin at a hotel vending machine at night and insisting to himself, “i’m not dying.” good for a non-beast AU where quentin dates alice and eliot dates some non-possessed normie boy and they both get dumped finals week and get obliteratingly drunk in the physical kids’ cottage as bros and hook up and wake up like “LOL haha rebound sex” and then it happens again and they’re like, sure, you know, why not, you’re heartbroken, i’m heartbroken, let’s help each other forget about it by fucking like rabbits, except of course by august eliot is drunk in the back of the car crying like a baby coming home from the bar because he is not fine about all the times he has told quentin it’s fine. ALTERNATELY this is actually just quentin in the mosaic timeline after they hook up and he wakes up in the morning totally ready to talk about how they’re dating now and eliot is like LET’S NOT OVERTHINK THINGS and quentin’s like, haha yeah ok! and they keep having mindblowing outdoor sex but like as bros and quentin regrets every waking moment agreeing to pretend not to overthink things with his best friend who is amazing in bed and who also he is definitely falling in love with. “breakable heaven” is a good description of the mosaic timeline, because many pieces and because it broke by never happening. bonus point because “i love you, ain’t that the worse thing you ever heard?” is SO eliot and also SO quentin in related but distinct ways. 8/10

lover - UGH!!!! SO QUELIOT!!!! “have i known you twenty seconds or twenty years” vs. “i bond fast, time is an illusion.” “can i go where you go” for two people who have been thrown together and torn apart so many times is wildly romantic. “my heart’s been borrowed and your heart’s been blue” = i dated a possessed guy and then became a possessed guy and you are chronically depressed. “you’ll save all your dirtiest jokes for me” is all about eliot’s smirks. i ALREADY have feelings about taylor swift, a human being who spent most of her adult life ruled by the lingering wounds of having been uncool in eighth grade, putting in her big sweet love song the line, “and at every table i’ll save you a seat,” but i have SO MANY MORE feelings when i apply that to quentin coldwater, who ate lunch in the bathroom on days that julia was absent because of the horror of finding somewhere to sit in the high school cafeteria. 9/10

the man - margo says she hates this song because it’s white feminism but whenever she gets drunk at karaoke she makes quentin sing it with her. he always flips his hair on “i’d be just like leo in st tropez,” because he is the only other person besides taylor swift in america uncool enough to think that’s still a reference that conjures up associations of a sexy awesome playboy. 3/10

the archer - FUCKING!!!!!!!!!!! GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!! this is... ok. ok. i’m calm. this is the eliot song of all time. “i’m ready for combat / i say i don’t want that / but what if i do” is about eliot’s reactivity and his fear that on some level he wants to blow everything up more than he wants to be loved. we don’t know what started the fight we see in the mosaic timeline but what we glimpse is very “cruelty wins in the movies”: this impulse to win by pushing the other person away to avoid your own vulnerability. “i’ve got a hundred thrown out speeches i almost said to you” is eliot unpossessed after quentin is alive but before he and alice have broken up thinking about all the apologetic true love confessions he made charlton watch him rehearse. “i search for your dark side / but what if i’m alright right right right here” is about refusing to believe in good things because they are so threatening when your formative experiences of love and family were so unsafe. “i cut off my nose just to spite my face / and i hate my reflection for years and years” is, quite literally, just the exact plot of 4x05. “i wake in the night / i pace like a ghost / the room is on fire / invisible smoke” is more A+ abandonment issues content, and i can’t even TALK about “all of my heroes die all alone” in the context of eliot waugh who FULLY has on MANY occasions raised a toast to living fast dying young and leaving a beautiful corpse and has never himself been wholly sure exactly how much he was kidding. “all the king’s horses and all the king’s men / couldn’t put me together again / cuz all of my enemies started out friends” is first of all a very funny thing for a former high king of fillory to say, and second upsetting because MOSAIC, PIECES, MINOR MENDINGS, ELIOT SEES HIMSELF AS A BROKEN THING, and third devastating because of how much of the Trauma Chalkboard involves times eliot has betrayed other people. ok FINE we can start talking about the refrains now, even though they CAUSE ME THE MOST PAIN. “help me hold on to you” is the subtext of every post-4x13 queliot fic for the very good reason that it’s the most vulnerable and beautiful and real thing eliot could ever say. “i’ve been the archer / i’ve been the prey” is again about eliot as a person full of regret for all the ways he has lashed out in his life against people other than the ones who wounded him so deeply. “screaming who could ever leave me darling / but who could stay” is sooooo eliot, with the drama and affect of it all (“darling!”), and the performed belief in his own excellence combined with his deep insecurity. “they see right through me” is about how he’s secretly afraid everyone can smell on him that he grew up on a farm in indiana, “can you see right through me” is about both fearing and hoping that quentin will see all of him, “i see right through me” is about how hard he’s lied to himself about wanting love. the best song in the world probably. 20/10.

i think he knows - my favorite thing about adult taylor swift referencing anything about adolescence is that taylor swift had a totally deranged abnormal adolescence because she spent the whole thing first trying to be famous and then actually being outrageously famous. so i love it when she says “it’s like i’m 17 nobody understands,” because when she was actually 17 she was dating a jonas brother for like 3 months and then writing break-up songs that made it sound like she was never that into it, so it’s like this idea of being 17 and hormonal in some kind of normal context where you actually are thinking about sex all day instead of meeting with your branding team. this is a fun idea to extrapolate to eliot & quentin, who were both miserable at 17 and never got the experience of devoting your brain full-time to all-consuming horniness for the first person to ever give you an orgasm, but who can now experience that with each other. also “his hands around a cold glass make me wanna know that body like it’s mine” is a queliot line because of my very strong personal headcanon that eliot is obsessed with quentin’s hands. 6/10

miss americana and the heartbreak prince - see above re: tswift & teenhood. "when i was 16 / lost in a film scene” is even better because actual teen taylor swift spent many hours of her life literally acting out on film these like pathologically normative high school scenarios that she never lived because she dropped out after ninth grade, and because this song is all about like, image vs reality but is also itself a fantasy? fucked up and weird, i love it. taylor swift spent so many years portraying her specific teen shame as being about her deep dweebery and i think it’s really funny that in this song she is still an outcast but now it is because she is like, too sexy and misbehaving, both through the line “they whisper in the hallways she’s a bad bad girl” and by setting it to basically a lana del rey track. i feel like this is a very eliot move, to rewrite your own history of exclusion as more glamorous and flattering than it was, to portray yourself as like this debauched rebel instead of a sad gay kid in a homophobic environment. eliot obviously was never enamored with this kind of stock teen americana imagery the way taylor was, but i think he has that same tension of deeply resenting one image while being very drawn to another one. extra point because “heartbreak prince” is such a hilarious and amazing way to describe quentin. 7/10

paper rings - good song for a very chill no-beast AU. “i like fancy things but i’d marry you with paper rings” is very eliot. it’s cute to imagine eliot reading all of the books besides quentin’s bed not because he likes them but because he wants to get to know quentin better. “i want your dreary mondays” is a nice thing for either of these dudes to hear. 5/10

cornelia street - all songs about being overwhelmed and terrified by love are about eliot waugh!!!!! especially songs where someone does something casually that is clearly not casual at all. it rules that both of the key metaphors in the verses are extremely quentin images: fresh page on the desk / card sharks playing games. stories and magic! thinking about eliot and quentin barefoot in a kitchen together makes me want to cry, for normal reasons. 8/10

death by a thousand cuts - i have to be honest, for a long time i thought it sucked that the best song on this album was actually not about queliot, but then i saw the light and realized that this is a song about how totally incomprehensible it is that you’re supposed to just move on with your life when someone you loved absolutely is no longer yours, so ACTUALLY, this song is totally about quentin after the mosaic! “i ask the traffic lights if it’ll be alright / they say i don’t know.” trying to be normal while secretly dying inside. “i look through the windows of this love, even though we boarded them up / chandelier’s still flickering here” = i said it was chill when you compartmentalized our 50 years as soulmates as something that happened to other people but actually the me i am right now wants you real bad! “what once was ours is no one’s now” because it happened in an alternate timeline that never existed. “you said it was a great love / one for the ages / but if the story’s over / why am i still writing pages” = you said it was kind of beautiful but also that wasn’t really me but if so then why do i want to bone you so bad. gets even more fucked up if you extend it properly into season 4. MY HEART MY HIPS MY BODY MY LOVE / TRYING TO FIND A PART OF ME THAT YOU DIDN’T TOUCH: a line i can only ever type in all-caps and about which i can say nothing because it is perfect. “gave up on me like i was a bad drug” is also very quentin reflecting bitterly on eliot. saying goodbye to your possessed ex is death by a thousand cuts because that’s how many times the monster sockpuppeting his body is going to randomly show up in your apartment covered in blood. the morning comes and you’re not my baby, because you have been possessed. flashbacks waking me up because i have PTSD now from watching your body murder like 80 people.  8/10

london boy - lmao. no 0/10

soon you’ll get better - I Feel Weird Jokingly Assigning A Rating To Taylor Swift’s Very Sad Song About How Taylor Swift’s Actual Mom Has Actual Cancer Based On How Much It Relates To A Fictional Couple In Which One Person Has A Parent Who Dies Of Cancer So I’m Going To Rate This Not Applicable. N/A. great song tho

false god - jesus, does she really go london boy / soon you’ll get better / false god? her sequencing is so deranged. anyway i know i was JUST talking about my interest in fic where quentin and eliot get together but don’t necessarily talk out every single one of their 800 issues in the timespan covered by the story, but this song about make-up sex is still not very queliot to me, possibly because i cannot get past the dorkiness of taylor swift calling herself new york city. “you can't talk to me when I'm like this / daring you to leave me just so I can try and scare you” is pretty good though. “if you want to live your life live it here...” damn eliot waugh and taylor swift really are like the same person on the level of psychological architecture. i know i keep saying it but it keeps freaking me out. 4/10

you should calm down - eliot unfollowed jonathan van ness on twitter after the video for this came out. he unfollowed antoni too but then refollowed him because he’s hot.  -1000000/10.

afterglow - so THIS song about fighting actually DOES have very queliot vibes. and it’s funny, because i keep talking about eliot’s fear of lashing out and hurtfully pushing away people he loves, and i think he does have that impulse (”if you want to live your life live it here...” what did you MEAN eliot), and i also think he’s SUPER afraid of that within himself, partly because of how the dynamics of his childhood make anger and conflict really fraught for him... but actually the character we more often see being a huge dick because of his own issues is, in fact, quentin, and that is who this song about. we all know i am obsessed with the scene where quentin comes sheepishly back to alice apologizing for being an asshole because it’s so vulnerable and honest and such a powerful moment of growth for him... as robbed as i feel of like tearfully joyful queliot reunions i also feel robbed that we never got to see quentin and eliot have a moment like that together! 7/10

me! - absolutely not. -30/10

it’s nice to have a friend - i like this song but the way taylor talks about it always makes me kind of sad, because she draws this equivalence between being excited about a friend as a kid and being excited about romance as an adult that really does make it sound like she thinks in adulthood romance takes over a place that friendship used to occupy, instead of co-existing with it... but she’s also talked a lot about the importance of finding who her real friends are so idk maybe i’m being too hard on her and also oversensitive because of certain plot developments. “call my bluff / call you babe” is cute. card sharks! pet names! 5/10

daylight - R U KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE QUELIOT ANTHEM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! two people who have been hurt and hurt others, who have spent a long time running away from their own hearts, who have been confused about what they want... “i wounded the good and i trusted the wicked / clearing the air i breathed in the smoke” about every mistake and regret and fuck-up... “maybe you ran with the wolves and refused to settle down / maybe i’ve stormed out of every single room in this town”... the trauma chalkboard, the fight outside the hedge bar... the people you become to try to erase the person you’re afraid you are... and then! “throw out our cloaks and our daggers because it’s morning now / it’s brighter now”... to find peace in the person you never need to hide yourself from... the transformative power of letting yourself be seen... “i can still see it all in my mind / all of you all of me intertwined”... i can still remember this other life that never happened which matters not because it’s where i fell in love with you but because it’s where i revealed my whole self and learned that whole self could be loved.... and of course above all most crucially, “i once believed love would be burning red / but it’s golden / like daylight”... the very beautiful story the magicians accidentally almost told was a story about letting go of the narratives you’ve been taught to want and realizing that as much as real life and hard and scary it is also lovelier than any of those wan old stories... “i wanna be defined by the things that i love, not the things that i hate, or the things that i’m afraid of”... please!!!!!!! 100000000000000/10

[jean-swolo]

THOUGHTS ON THE RISE OF SKYWALKER (AND HOW DISAPPOINTED I AM IN JJ AND HIS CREW)— AN ESSAY

I'm going to rant on tumblr instead cuz i was late to the twitter party and frankly no one cares about a new account so here goes-

but before that- 📢LOOK AWAY, SPOILERS AHEAD📢

1) apparently jj abrams can't differentiate between emotional and upset because all I've been feeling since i walked out of that damn movie was disappointment and utter heartbreak

2) the writers did the movie h o r r i b l y. every single character were mistreated. from the main protagonists to the side characters- (shivers) the whole story was a fanservice mumbo jumbo, cramped into one, huge hot mess. it's like they've fckin ran out of ideas and decided to pluck ideas from every subgroup in the star wars fandom and just threw it into this heap trash of a movie.

3) what happened to ben... baby boy I'm so fckin sorry they did u this dirty. i can't even explain it. it's like his whole arc was meaningless. it didn't make fckin sense the way jj ended him. he's been ABUSED, BETRAYED, MANIPULATED, GROOMED INTO SOMETHING HE NEVER WANTED TO BE AND YET HE'S PROVED THAT HE'S STILL GOOD. He's hurt, scarred, sacrificed himself for the person he loved, and he got it. He got what he wanted after almost 30 years..... aND LOST IT WITHIN 30 SECONDS BECAUSE HE'S DEAD. HE'S KILLED OFF AND BRUSHED AWAY AS THE LAST TRUE POWERFUL SKYWALKER THAT EVER LIVED. ben, kylo, adam. baby I'm so sorry you don't deserve this mess-

4) rey. Let me just say (and I'm being brutally honest here) rey just doesn't feel like rey in this movie. i feel a lack of character from her in this movie. she felt off. like it really wasn't rey and she was possessed by something. the way she fckin fled after ben disappeared... it just... it felt like she didn't love ben as much as ben loves rey but i refuse to believe that because rey initiated the kiss, she's been the only one to believe in ben other than leia, she's the one who sought ben out from across the freaking galaxy and put in the arms of danger to guide him back to the light, and the way she smiled when she was ben came back to save her... it really doesn't make sense. and Rey's ending- fck. imagine if harry potter ended with harry living back under the staircase. yeah. that bad. daisy, rey.. I'm so sorry

5) the reylo. it's finally canon. it's finally here in its purest form. wE FINALLY GOT A KISS--- BUT AT WHAT COST????? I'd rather have a jyn and cassian v2 if i knew the end was like this. they were each other's halves. even palps said it himself, they were two halves and their force is strong enough to give life. if that ain't powerful idk what is but the way they separated... i refuse to believe this is the end of reylo but fck, thinking rey never got the family she longed for and almost got it in ben before he was killed off- rey will be spending the rest of her life thinking of what they could be, and the thought of ben just stares and smiles at rey with so much adoration and longing, like he's memorizing every inch of her face before he... makes me fckin sick. the story's just rude and cruel and jj has been spewing bs throughout the whole press tour. and I can't help but hate him for it.

6) the title of the movie itself is a giant mistake. what the fck is a rise of skywalker when there's no skywalker left to actually rise??? and no, someone taking their name, let alone the one taking it is a descendant of the person who dedicated his life to destroy the skywalker family... it's just r u d e and condescending af. it would've been better if rey took tha 'solo' name instead bcs then it makes sense, she'll be continuing Ben's legacy, t h e i r legacy.

7) the ugly, sad, and depressing message of the movie. It probably goes like this-

Once you're a villain, you die. No redemption. Redemption is dying because you don't deserve redemption, forgiveness, and second chances because you're bad, despite whether it is your fault or not.

And that love is hopeless. So, very hopeless. You can never get a happy ending. Everything you'll ever love would just die away and you'll be left alone again. Do not ever love.

👎👎👎👎👎👎 jj did the worst thing a director and writer could've ever done. thanks for ruining not only the sequel trilogy, but the entire star wars saga. thanks for making all 9 movies meaningless. thanks for the heartbreaks you've given to all of us fans.

[scav-eng-er]

So..my thoughts on TROS

Spoilers. duh.

So..being on here, I obviously dove HEAD FIRST into the spoilers and seeing what I saw, i. was. pissed. The kiss kept me literally on cloud FUCKING 9 for a good 30 min until I went farther in and saw the fall of one of the most beloved, developed and interesting characters in the sequel trilogy. So going into the  theater, I was already angry and disappointed in the writers, JJ and anyone who thought this was how the Skywalker saga should have ended.

Then, while watching, I began to understand some (and I mean VERY FEW) things as to why they went the way they did. 

Rey Palpatine

I fucking rolled my eyes when I heard this, like I thought this was such a poor and cheap move that they made Rey related to Palpatine. I was like “she is supposed to be the image of hope and light for the new age of jedi and future generations.” Then watching the movie, I noticed that she was always so headstrong, and sometimes reckless with her emotions, her power and trying to keep a level head. Even in TFA and TLJ, Rey would would jump right in the fight cause she was so passionate. There was that passion, which could be perceived as dark that pushed her to whatever she did. And then the inner struggle with accepting her family and realizing “holy shit, am i evil?” But the fight and her saying “I am all the jedi” sounds like (at least to me) “I am who I choose to be.” Her little vision of Dark Rey was also an indicator of what she could be should she choose to go down that path. She may be a palpatine by blood, but you can’t choose your family and they don’t define you. Even if she was a nobody, or a scavenger, with pauper parents, she can choose who she truly calls family.

So do I mind that Rey is a Palpatine? Not anymore, because I think her character can inspire others who had a dark background like her, and remind them that your family will never define you, only you can.

Even with the decisions of the writers for the way she ends up on Tatooine (basically another desert) with BB8, just like how we were introduced to her (which I didn’t like. she literally ends where she began), I will always love Rey. I knew she would never turn dark, but knowing that she has that darkness, like all of us (cause literally no one is a saint), she has control over it and chooses to be light. 

Reylo is C A N O N.

FUCK. YES. I WAITED FOR FIVE FUCKING YEARS FOR THIS. This relationship and dynamic of these two incredibly strong characters is something I have been following for so long and will continue to do so when I rot in my grave. The chemistry between the characters and actors is so passionate to the point where I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen. 

I see Ben and Rey and of course I think balance. Since seeing them fight in TFA and have this almost 50/50 chance of who would win, I fucking lost it when I saw how equal they are. They are so yin and yang it hurts. Rey is the light (yang) with that hint of darkness (when shes reckless, too passionate, her family) while Ben is (yin) with all that darkness with that spark of light (because he’s a fuckin’ solo lets be honest, it was always something that he struggled to push down).

They are literally the power couple of the century. I freaking love that they fight together and Rey has shown signs of being stronger than Ben. And does he feel insulted? Or upset because a nobody/girl/scavenger could potentially beat him? No. He is so in love with her power and passion that he wants to help her control it. When she blew up the ship? He was fucking BLOWN AWAY, like as if his heart eyes couldn’t get any bigger. 

And Rey just knows. She always tried to pull Ben out of the dark, and never wanted to give up on him. She stabs Kylo? The Supreme Leader and the reason so many are suffering all over the galaxy? She fucking heals him and in a moment of despair and sadness of both of them losing Leia, she tells him that she wanted to “Ben’s hand.” I think she told him this in hopes that he was still in there. With their vulnerability presented to one another, she took a chance that finally opened his heart with the death of his mother and talk with his father (cried so hard btw).

Finally, when we see Ben after their fight on the Death Star his scar is gone. Rey healed his scar, a symbol that was very Kylo. He tosses his saber, gets rid of his layers of (brooding) clothing and goes after his girl. Nuff said.

The Death of Ben Solo

I am struggling to write this. I could not. Believe. They did this. Not just to the fans, but to Adam. This is the only thing I couldn’t understand in the film. It WORKED. SO. WELL. We all literally knew something dramatic was going to happen, but it was either the kiss or Ben being redeemed (and still fucking living). I cried for two days when I saw what happened and then again in the theater. I brought a pair of sunglasses in a dark theater so I could wear them on my way out so no one saw me like jfc. Ben didn’t deserve that, Rey didn’t deserve that. The poor boy was practically swept into a world of darkness and abuse and never had a chance to break through until this girl, this “nobody” came into his life and helped nudge him back. I was actually glad Rey wasn’t 100% the reason he changed, like his dad, his mom - the ones who have been with him from the beginning - knew him and deep down, knew what he would do. The only who had to finally accept it was him. And he did when he went diving back to help Rey and defeat Palpatine. He definitely knew that he would be punished for the crimes and probably live a lifetime in jail, but I would’ve accepted that more than a (rather poorly given) death.

And I understand he did it for Rey. I do... kind of. But with an entire world/galaxy at your fingers, to write whatever you want to about the force (including this healing technique?), you’re telling me that he had to give all of his life to her? Couldn’t Leias sacrifice bring him back? I just think it was a cheap move. I can’t imagine how upset Adam must’ve been when he realized Ben’s fate. He thought of Ben as the “bad guy who think he’s the good guy.” He did such a good job of getting into the characters head that it probably felt like a piece of him died as well. He, and Daisy, I think didn’t want that to be the last we saw of Ben Solo. Also, shitty death..just poof gone. She didn’t cry, didn’t mourn. Her other half, literally 50% of her soul...gone. Rey will feel this wound in her that will never heal and that pain will always remind her of him, with his arms around her, the kiss, the first, real and true smile of Ben Solo before he fell. 

I’ll probably add more to this or something but that’s all I can get out right now, I’m still raw and recovering. I’ll post more stories in the future cause I have so many, but now, enjoy the holidays and sleep peacefully knowing that Rey and Ben love each other. 

xoxo my reylo fam

[wyrorn]

Yeah, The Rise of Skywalker thing..

I’ve just watched TROS and I’ve never been so pissed after watching a SW movie. Even the Phantom Menace looks more acceptable than…THIS. I am a huge fan of Star Wars, alright? I love the new trilogy as I love the OT and PT, I love almost everything related to SW, but what I just saw in the cinema isn’t okay AT ALL. I understand that JJ wanted to give the audience what it wanted, but at what cost? And what the hell was that plot? Like really, did I just watch the adaptation of some sort of bad fanfiction or what? Recreation of Reddit theories?

I can’t believe what they’ve done to character development, it’s so messed up. Rey in TROS is a freakin’ terminator while Kylo Ren is just Rey’s punching bag. Their dialogs were so weird and almost the same in each scene when they are together. A lot of characters felt like decorations. Movie feels so rushed and 2 hours is definitely not enough for JJ to create a good movie and put a lot of plot elements at the same time.

So. Many. Unnecessary. Characters.

-SPOILERS ALERT- . . . . First of all, what the hell is wrong to Knights of Ren?! They are doing literally nothing but just walking around and “trying to look badass”. Come on, they didn’t even do anything in this film. Just a bunch of walking decorations. I really was hoping to see how they are gonna beat Rey or at least be a real threat to her and her friends. But nah, they didn’t even injure anyone in this film except Kylo

Secondly, so much is going on on the screen, I can’t even catch up. Can’t count how many awkward moments happened in this movie, but a lot of them made me laugh. Also, that Hux death was so out of place. Plot twists were so predictable..

Thirdly, I don’t know what they’ve done to Kylo Ren’s character but he looks like a helpless little boy, who can’t fight back without Rey’s help. He’s just running around, looking for scavenger and very gently asking her to join him in EVERY SCENE like bruh. He could at least try for once to do that by force, by defeating her (I know something similar was in film but..ehhhh, did he even defeat her there?). He came back to the Light Side WAY too quickly. Leia just had to say “Ben” for once and that’s it, Kylo Ren is dead. Like wtf, why she didn’t do that earlier? And why she did that in the most crucial moment for the Resistance? There is no conflict going on inside Kylo Ren’s head, he came back to the Light Side almost immediately. It looked like “Hey I just wanted to become an emperor of the whole galaxy 2 mins ago but now I’m a good guy, let’s destroy everything I’ve just achieved :))” He didn’t even doubt his actions. In the final battle he was SO useless. I was expecting him and Rey to team up but it just ended up with…Rey defeating Palpatine on her own, while Kylo was chilling in the pit for the whole battle and doing absolutely nothing, huh. I wanted to see THE BALANCE, when the Dark and the Light join up to defeat the greatest evil, to show that the Force is stronger when the Light and the Dark are together, that you can use both sides to get the advantage. I also was expecting a very big battle between Kylo x Rey vs Paplatine. They’ve lost such a good opportunity to show us the most epic lightsaber fight in the whole saga. When Palpatine took their energy to become stronger he could also ignite his lightsaber against them and give a pretty good fight with all these lightings and Force abilities. JJ also should have brought at least a couple of Force ghosts to help Kylo and Rey to defeat the greatest sith of all time, I highly doubt Rey could do that on her own even tho she has a blood of Palpatine. But nah, what the hell is the balance? What are you talking about? Let’s make them all Jedi again. I’d be okay with Ben’s death if he actually gave a decent fight to Palpatine, but we all know where he was during the fight. I’m pretty much okay with Reylo but I saw no romantic chemistry between them (in this episode) until the scene where Rey dies, the only thing they had just some sort of really weird connection, where both trying to kill each other but hesitate. I saw almost no progress in their relationship (in 9 ep). I think the ending would be MUCH MORE tragic and satisfying if both Kylo and Rey sacrifice their lives in order to defeat Palpatine and save the whole galaxy, like the dark side and the light side users. Like the Grey Jedi.

Fourth, Mary Sue moments. Tons of them. Won’t even explain this part.

Okay, you’ve killed Ben Solo. Rey happily came back to her friends and decided to live on Tatooine like nothing happened . But what the hell JJ? Why we don’t see Ben’s Force Ghost? Where the f is he? The ending itself looks pretty open and like..Rey just came back to life of scavenger. Is she happy now? Did she get what she wanted? Is she going to spend the rest of her days like outsider? Also, not bringing Anakin Skywalker at least as Force Ghost was unacceptable. His sacrifice was for nothing..

The only things I liked about new episode is character development of Finn and Poe and some visual effects. That’s all. Also Adam Drivers acting was incredible as always

The rest of the episode I just want to wipe out from my memory and consider this non-canon. Kylo Ren was my fav sequel character and I just can’t believe what they’ve done to him and his character

I’m extremely interested in fan-remake of the movie. Looking forward to make a TROS comic series or even a 2D movie, these things need to be fixed, at least I will have my own canon.

I’m still a huge fan of Star Wars, but I’m very afraid of what Disney might do to another trilogy.

I have spoken.

[kyluxtrashpit]

TROS Review

Okay here is my extremely long (almost 4k words >.>) review of tros. And that’s without the 2k meta on redemption arcs I also have filed away lmao. First off: I am not leaving the kylux fandom. It’s not a good enough movie to warrant that. Second: I might make a post of things I wished we’d gotten later, but this is already WAY too long lmao. Warnings for spoilers, opinions, and general negativity

EXPLICIT RISE OF SKYWALKER SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT

So. I have watched the thing. I went in knowing the spoilers and oh boy, am I glad I did. Still, overall this movie was… not great lmao. It’s messy and the pacing is off and there are some very weird and straight up Bad moments, but I’m not actually upset about it anymore. It’s more like ‘there’s a lot to unpack here’ except we’re not going to unpack it or even throw away the whole thing, it’s just gonna become that one box that’s still packed and untouched from when you moved 3 years ago. It’s there, but you rarely think about it beyond the occasional ‘maybe I should finally unpack that? Nah, too much effort’

I see a lot of people writing fix it fic and that’s totally valid but tbh… I don’t think it’s worth the effort for me. I think I’m just going to pretend it never happened and write my kylux the way I always have. Maybe I’ll do something with tros at some point, maybe some mean!Hux + redeemed!Ben because I’m awful lmao but for now, it hasn’t changed my plans at all. Which is actually a good thing tbh

Anyway. I’ll start with the good simply because there’s less of it lmao. Best thing about the movie? Everyone in it is looking like a fucking snack. It’s great. These people have always been hot, but this movie really nailed that. Also the trio stuff was fun and felt genuine. I LOVED the hints that Finn is Force sensitive, and I liked him in this movie even though I wish he got more story/time. I enjoyed Rey at the beginning, but her actions and plotline made less and less sense as the movie went on. Kylo was fun; I had gotten worried after that interview that said he’s calm now but he wasn’t lmao, like at all, so that was good. Also I didn’t like how Hux died but I’m endlessly grateful Kylo wasn’t the one to kill him. That might’ve actually ruined the ship for me

The visuals were excellent (save that strobing near the beginning; I’m not epileptic, but I had to close my eyes because it was too much). Some of the jokes hit will, as did some of the emotional bits (Chewie’s “death” was very well-executed and Rey’s scream broke my heart). Weirdly enough, C-3PO is kind of the heart of the movie, which I did not expect at all. Lando’s appearances were too brief but good. I also loved D-O a lot and he’s very cute. I liked seeing a bunch of new planets and environments, however briefly. The acting was also really great throughout on most accounts. I really enjoyed 2 of the Hux scenes (when he’s sitting in that board meeting making a face like he’s mentally eviscerating everyone in the room and when he gets so excited to finally get to blow something up and then Kylo shuts him up with the Force BUT WITHOUT HARMING HIM!!!)

That’s kind of it tbh. The movie overall is really messy. I’ve seen people say it feels like a fever dream and it really does. I’ve seen descriptions of people dreaming the plot of tros and they’re less weird. The pacing in the first chunk is way too fast and there’s way too much to take in. Then things get weird in the middle. Then, well, that ending. It feels like it’s trying too hard to be liked. It’s ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘joke’, ‘reference to past movie’, ‘mention of hope without showing it’, etc. etc. on and on throughout it. Some of those are fun, but it got tiring very quickly. And it made it impossible for me to suspend disbelief long enough to actually get into it

I also saw a lot of reviews saying if you didn’t like tlj, you would like this one. That was not correct. I disliked this for many of same reasons I disliked tlj, but it also managed to hold tfa’s weaknesses as well. Honestly, tros feels like the worst aspects of tlj mixed with the worst aspects of tfa, mixed with way too much nostalgia and then blended up with a good heaping of mania and desperation to keep it going. It tried so hard, wanted to be liked so badly, and you can feel that watching it. It doesn’t feel genuine

It also feels like every single movie in the ST was actually from a different trilogy. None of the 3 connect to each other. You can’t say tros is a successor to tlj or tfa; it’s totally on a different path, which I’m honestly not sure how they managed that. As much as I felt tlj wasn’t a true continuation of tfa, tros feels like its own trilogy mashed into one movie. There wasn’t one consistent plot or character thread to follow between all 3 movies

I think bringing palpatine back was the first fundamental mistake. It didn’t fit. And after creating Kylo and Snoke to be very specifically Not Sith, why bring the Sith back all of a sudden? Palpatine has had his day and he didn’t need this. No one did. Much as he was creepy as hell and that was well done, it didn’t feel right to have him there. Also, I really don’t like the implication he procreated at any point skdfjskldjk

As for Rey… I know I’m in the minority here, but I never found here to be a good narrative foil for Kylo. The connection between the two doesn’t really interest me at all (and this was one of the reasons I didn’t like tlj). It worked better if they were related, which was the biggest reason I was a proponent of Rey Skywalker, but that didn’t happen. The commonalities they have are just: 1) can use the Force, 2) have been lonely. The contrasts are: 1) light vs dark (sort of; this is less explicit in tfa and I miss that greyer view of the Force) and 2) had a family vs didn’t. And that’s pretty much it. In order for 2 characters to contrast and hit the ‘complimentary opposites’ sweet spot, you need much, much more than that. Finn has and always will be a better foil for Kylo and it’s a damn shame they abandoned that in tlj and even more so in tros. I have more thoughts on her that I’ll get to later too

I did like Rey in the beginning, but the longer it went on, the less I could rationalize her actions. Why is she doing that? Why is she trying to ditch her friends all the time? Why does she heal the cave snake? Why does she stab Kylo when he’s just become a non-combatant? Why does she heal him after? Why is she trying to reach out to the spirits of past jedi? Why did she Do That after she wakes up in the end? Why did she then seem to not even care that Kylo died right after? None of this is explained. Show, don’t tell, is great, but you can’t just make massive leaps like that. I didn’t get it. None of this felt like the character I’ve gotten to know over the last few years, nor did it feel consistent within the movie itself

That said, I want to discount one complaint I’ve seen: I got no impression she’s exiling herself on Tatooine at the end. It’s very clear she’s just doing a quick funeral ritual for Luke and Leia. The Falcon is still there, ready for when she’s done. I don’t get where the ‘she’s all alone in the desert again forever and ever’ comes from because it’s clear she’s not. It’s just a private ceremony (plus obvious fanservice). That’s it

For Finn: I liked that his character got to be a lot cooler here. I’m sad that he didn’t get half the attention and plot he deserved, but at least he wasn’t treated as a joke and a coward. My tlj complaint for Finn was that he went through the exact same arc he did in tfa over again; here, he doesn’t. He’s clearly grown into himself. That I liked. But damn, he was supposed to be a main character and he really got sidelined hard. It’s also very clear finnrey was planned at some point but didn’t end up in the final cut. The tease with that felt cruel tbh. He deserved to get to tell Rey he loved her on screen

And Poe: Poe was okay in this one. He felt to me like a different character in tfa and tlj, but this one managed to mesh the two characterizations well. He’s a bit of a hothead who doesn’t think (tlj), but he also really cares about people and is trying his best to lead (tfa). That was very successfully done. However. Poe is the one character with the most backstory. He’s got novels, comics, all of it. Where in the fuck is this history of being a spice runner in all that??? Sketchy as hell to make your one Latino character being a drug runner but you know. It also felt like a HUGE retcon of the one character that actually has fully revealed backstory. Also his thing with Zori was just weird and forced and exhaustingly heterosexual. Completely pointless tbh

As I was rereading this, I realized I forgot Rose but really, that’s because she does pretty much nothing. She has very few lines, never comes along. It’s like they forgot she was there. Or just didn’t care. It was really sad and a huge disrespect to everything KMT has gone through. Both her and her character deserved more

For Hux: I liked the 2 scenes I mentioned above, but other than that I was disappointed. I said this on twitter already, but the biggest crime they committed was getting rid of his fanaticism. Tlj may have turned him into a joke, but at least he was still a zealot. Here, it’s clear he gave up his last fuck like a year ago. It’s 9 am and he’s had 6 glasses of wine because he’s lost the will to live and it’s all pointless. Might as well fuck around and give the Resistance info that might lead to the end of everything he’s worked for his entire life because nothing matters and at least Kylo will lose. That’s dumb and violently ooc. I get him being a traitor to Kylo, I am DOWN for that, but not to the FO. He cares about the FO. He is fanatically devoted to the FO. That was ridiculous and wildly out of character. Also the FO is just gone in favour of Palpatine’s fleet as soon as Hux dies? What happened to them? Are they still out there? Who even knows? WHAT A FUCKING WASTE

Also Pryde? Fuck that guy and fuck JJ/LF/Disney for thinking it’s okay to have an old imperial kill Hux. Especially since the visual dictionary today confirmed Pryde knew Brendol and our Hux had known him for years. The possible implications are gross as fuck. If anyone was going to kill Hux one on one, it should have been Finn (with a wonderful stormtrooper rebellion arc involved) for the sake of both characters. I’m personally going to choose to believe Hux was wearing a blaster proof vest (thank you, Delilah Dawson, for putting those into Black Spire as canon) and faked his death. He’s living in blissful exile with Millie now or rebuilding the actual FO and ready to take over as the Emperor he deserves to be

Oh and Leia’s scenes did feel weird. I appreciate them trying to incorporate her, but it didn’t quite work. I feel like having her be offscreen yet present would’ve worked better than most of what they used. Some worked better than others though. I also have some Thoughts about her death but I’m about to get into the second half of the movie stuff and I’ll cover that there

Now Kylo. My darling, sweet, disaster boy. So. Okay. I knew no matter what happened his end would be controversial. And I have a lot of feelings on redemption arcs that can be distilled into one thing: if they’re written well, I like them, no matter how much bad the character has done; however, they are almost never written well enough. One of the first things I said coming out of tfa back in 2015 is ‘that’s going to be a disappointing redemption arc in a few years’. It was never about what ending I wanted (I actually favour something more grey than simply ‘oh he’s good now’ or ‘dies evil’, but that was way too ambitious for them to attempt so I never bothered to hope for it), because I knew it was coming. So this didn’t really bother me beyond the fact that it was too sudden. I do blame that partially on tlj, because it took Kylo from conflicted and torn apart to ‘yeah, I’m in charge now’, but I still think this was not the way to do it. Anyway. I have a 2k word rant somewhere about redemption arcs and when they work and when they don’t that I never posted and this is the much, much shorter version of that

Also. Okay. One more thing on this. So I usually don’t like redemption arcs because they’re written badly, but my least favourite redemption arcs are those that end in death. The only one I can think of that actually worked was Vader’s, but it doesn’t work as well with Kylo. Why? Because redemption is about making amends, not being punished. It’s about choosing to stop doing bad shit and instead to do good things to make up for what you’ve done. In self-sacrifice, not only does it send the message that the only path to redemption is death, but also it means you do literally one thing and then die. That’s it. One good deed, die, you’re done. That’s too fucking easy. True redemption is waking up every single day, for the rest of your life, and continuing to choose to do good. You know that evil is easier, feels better; you’ve done it. But you’re making the choice to keep doing good and to make amends instead. And you do that for years. Decades, even. That is SO MUCH harder to do than just one good thing and then immediately dying without showing if that change is lasting or not. That is how redemption is achieved: in making that choice not once, but again and again and again. So yeah. I didn’t like that. Death redemptions aren’t convincing to me because one choice is easy; consistently making that choice over the rest of your life is much, much harder

End of point: if they were going to redeem Kylo, he needed to live and work to make up for his past mistakes in order to make it impactful. It’s a damn shame he didn’t

Also: having Leia die for the sake of a man, son or not? FUCK THAT. And, even worse, if we follow the movie’s logic: Leia died trying to reach and save her son. Which lead to… him dying anyway?! Which means Leia’s death is meaningless and she died for literally nothing. Fuck that. FUCK THAT. What the fuck. That’s bullshit

Again on the redemption: Kylo just… kills his good friends the KOR without a shred of hesitation? Also the KOR literally never speak? And Kylo says literally one word (‘ow’) after the redemption? I admit, it was fun watching him fight and also watching him get hurt. If I ignore the context of it, watching him crawl out of the pit, scrabbling on the ground, so hurt he can’t even stand up? Fuck. That was good shit tbh. Also those big, desperate puppy eyes. They’re even worse with him as Ben instead of Kylo. Bravo to Adam for playing such a convincing sad boy. I hate that his scar got healed though; I liked it

Now. The whole ending and the plot stuff. Rey being a palpatine is… okay. Fine. I don’t like it but whatever. Seems like an unnecessary excuse to bring him back. Also Luke and Leia knowing? How? Luke knew Rey for literally 1 day. And how would Leia know? And why not tell Rey, who was so desperate for answers to her past when they thought Palpatine was dead? It makes no sense. It’s just very unnecessary. Not to mention the line “you’re a palpatine” is not a thing any real human being would ever say, jfc that was clumsy and unrealistic dialogue. I don’t mind Rey going a bit dark for some time, but this was not the way to do it. Also I was really hoping for a resolution beyond ‘dark siders dead, light sider alive’ because the dichotomous nature of the Force MAKES NO SENSE. Balance is needed. Leaving the only Force user alive a light sider means something dark will come again for the sake of it – Rey should’ve gone grey and tbh tfa made me hope this trilogy would end with all surviving Force users grey. So that was disappointing

Now. The kiss. Straight up: I do not ship it. I don’t mind if other people do, but I do get touchy when they go out of their way to prove there’s nothing inherently problematic about it. I ship kylux; it’s problematic as hell. That’s a good part of why I like it. So I’m fine with r*ylo shippers as long as they do the same. Problem is: most don’t and go around insisting it’s actually the highest romance possible while leaning on incredibly misogynistic and racist tropes to prop up that argument rather than accept their ship has some questionable parts to it (like kyluxers do). It’s more a problem with the fandom for me than it is the ship in theory. Still, I don’t like it and that’s what matters for this

The fact of the matter is it felt extremely sudden and out of place. The entire first half of the movie is Kylo being an aggressive, creepy asshole to Rey. I can theoretically entertain the idea of Kylo having feelings for her (though I don’t), but I cannot see the other way around, not when Rey has so many kind, wonderful people around her. Which is why this feels so weird. There was not enough build to it. I saw a cam clip off reddit before I went in, so I had accepted it was happening but I expected a lot more lead up to it to make it not seem so sudden. None of that was there. There was no build up or reaching of understanding so it reads exactly like those versions of it I dislike: there is nothing wrong with a man berating you and insulting you and attacking you and you should love him for it. That is not enemies to lovers. That’s just abusive bullshit

And then the death. Both of them. Rey dies from… what exactly? It’s never shown at all. And same with Kylo. The leaks said it was Force exhaustion, which a) why? And b) that’s not clear in the damn movie. You need to explain things!!!! And also that means Leia, Luke, Kylo, and Rey all died (even if one didn’t stick) from using the Force too hard. Meanwhile Darth Maul survives getting cut in half and Palpatine survives falling down a shaft in a space station that explodes 2 minutes later (and, you know, all the wacky Force shit he did in this movie too). The fuck? It’s dumb. I hate it

Also the dyad thing was weird. I know the early leaks had it more explained, then the leaks said they cut it, but now it looks like they left in 3 lines of dialogue with it and cut the rest. Again, explanations people! This is not a thing in previous canon! Maybe in the EU, but that’s not canon anymore! The fuck!!!! The idea is dumb and forced to begin with, but the execution made it worse

And now for the final, largest criticism I have. A confession: I am not a star wars fan by nature. I’ve always liked them, but I preferred other sci-fi more. I’m more of an invasive species who forcibly carved my way into this fandom ecological niche because I really loved Kylo lmao. But if there is one thing star wars is defined by, I don’t think it’s love or family or any of those common themes people say. It’s hope. That’s the thing star wars does well. Even when things are darkest, it keeps the hope alive and it makes you feel that. Good will triumph. There is reason to believe in heroes, even when they stumble

This movie is not hopeful. Rogue One, a masterful tragedy, still manages a message of hope despite every single lead character dying. This one doesn’t. And tbh, I think tlj missed on this a bit too (a lot of talk about having hope, not a lot of showing us reasons to be hopeful), but it was still there. Tros does not feel hopeful. The Skywalkers are all dead. Rey has decided to download the legacy (why? No idea! The whole message was ‘don’t be afraid of who you are’ and she just then decided to become someone else? Makes no sense!!!). Anakin’s sacrifice meant nothing because Palpatine came back (and it is CRIMINAL we never got an Anakin and Kylo scene). Han and Leia’s and even Luke’s (a bit) deaths meant nothing because yeah, Kylo turned back in the end, but then he died anyway. They all gave their lives to save him and it was all for nothing. He’s still dead. Palpatine is gone and so is his fleet, but what about the FO fleet? Are they still out there? Are there brainwashed stormtroopers still trapped in its clutches (also, they were so close with Jannah and Finn to adding depth here, but nope, the stormtroopers are still cannon fodder in every fight scene even though they’re literally slaves!!!!)? Who knows!

This movie only feels conclusive in that so many characters we love are dead. That’s it. There’s more questions than answers and so much left unresolved. There’s no sense of hope in it. There’s barely a sense of victory. It’s not satisfying. Even the celebration at the end feels weird and like it’s trying to force you to be happy. The jedistormpilot hug was good, but the lesbian kiss was such a cheap attempt at trying to appease people calling for representation. The moment with Lando and Jannah at the end was probably the most hopeful part of the movie and neither of them are lead characters

Idk. I know this is pretty negative. But I didn’t really enjoy this movie. Some parts were fun, or funny, or exciting, or emotional. But overall? No. This was not a satisfying conclusion for any of these characters, either the new or the old. They missed. Hard. Not one character was truly done justice. And it’s disappointing. But it’s over now and I have no intentions of letting it dictate my fandom activities. I’m just going to pretend it didn’t happen and call it a day

[laterpeaches]

The 30 Best Movies for Kids on Hulu

This post is updated regularly to reflect the latest movies to leave and enter Hulu, which you can sign up for here. *New additions are indicated with an asterisk.

You’re stuck at home, pushing the remote control through so many options on your smart TV, looking for something, anything, that you can use to distract the kids and not make you feel guilty. Let us help.

The truth is that none of the streaming services are particularly great at family options now that Disney+ has cornered that market, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t some great choices on Hulu. Here are 30 worthy films to distract the little ones or schedule an entire family movie night around (if you have the energy after homeschooling).

It may have some familiar story elements, but this 2019 film has some of the most gorgeous visuals in any recent animated movie, including a wave of flowers and the design of its lovable main character, a Yeti who needs the help of a girl and her friend to get back to his home at Mount Everest.

The weirdest animated story of the early days of the CGI form was the competition between DreamWorks with Antz and Pixar with A Bug’s Life — two films that the detail lives of the Earth’s smallest creatures in clever ways. Pixar seems to have won the longer battle, but there’s more to like here than you remember, including a strong voice cast and fun visuals.

Nancy Meyers co-wrote this clever family comedy about a successful woman who finds herself the unexpected mother of a 14-month-old baby girl when her long-lost cousin leaves her the child after her death. This may be for the slightly older kids, and some of its gender politics are dated, but Diane Keaton keeps it moving with her ace timing.

Exactly which titles Disney allows to jump from its streaming service to others doesn’t make a whole lot of sense, but here’s the adventures of a sweet stunt dog named Bolt, the leading pup of this fun movie from 2008. John Travolta voices the dog who believes he actually has superpowers, which allow him to head out on a cross-country journey to save his owner, Penny.

Travis Knight of Laika fame (Kubo and the Two Strings) directed the best Transformers movie in this unexpectedly joyous spinoff of the massive Hasbro series of films. It’s a movie with the same kind of family-adventure spirit as ’80s classics of the genre, buoyed by fun performances from Hailee Steinfeld and John Cena.

Remember when movies were as simple as pitting felines and canines against one another? This 2001 family flick has been pretty much forgotten by history, but it was actually a pretty big hit at the time. Maybe you’re old enough to have some nostalgia for it or want to introduce it to your little ones now. Which side will they pick?

We don’t deserve Aardman. The geniuses behind Wallace & Gromit, Shaun the Sheep, and others made their biggest cinematic splash with this 2000 hit. A clever riff on prison-break movies like Escape From Alcatraz (but with chickens!), this is actually the highest-grossing stop-motion animated film of all time, a title it’s held for almost 20 years now.

Who doesn’t love the Man in the Yellow Hat and his lovable primate? This is the 2006 theatrically released version of the book series by H.A. Rey and Margret Rey that have been popular around the world for generations. With voice work by Will Ferrell, Drew Barrymore, Eugene Levy, and many more, it’s a sweet adventure story for the whole family.

This live-action adaptation of the Nickelodeon cartoon has no right to be as funny and clever as it is. It helps that newcomer Isabela Moner is a delightful lead as Dora, but there’s also a delightfully self-aware tongue-in-cheek tone to this film, one that’s funny without every taking itself too seriously. It’s a sweet family adventure movie that works equally for parents and little ones.

Maybe wait for the real little ones to go to bed first, but there are certainly some families that can handle this coming-of-age story from the master Steven Spielberg. Christian Bale stars in the story of a young boy whose life is changed forever when he becomes a prisoner of war in a Japanese internment camp.

It became something of a punch line, but this family film was huge when it was first in theaters. Who can’t relate to the story of trying to free a gorgeous animal like the orca that gives this movie a name? It made over $150 million on a $20 million budget and launched a franchise. Willy was freed to run all over pop culture.

From the director of Mad Max: Fury Road! The family filmmaker side of George Miller directed this musical comedy about penguins who basically have to stop the apocalypse with their dancing and singing. It’s not as good as the original, but it has some clever visuals, incredible voice work, and some good tunes to boot.

People often point to the Toy Story movies as the model for a great animated series, but credit should be given to the trilogy of movies about a boy named Hiccup and his dragon Toothless. The third and final film in this blockbuster series is already on Hulu, and it’s a gorgeous, heartfelt, moving final chapter to one of the best franchises of the 2010s, animated or live-action.

The LEGO Movie is one of the most creative and enjoyable animated films of the 2010s. The sequel may feel a bit too cluttered at times, but it retains enough of that energy to make it worth a look on Hulu, especially as all of our creative faculties have been reduced by the insanity of 2020.

This is not the Danny DeVito–voiced recent version but the 1972 short original that aired on TV about a thousand times when you were young. One of Dr. Seuss’s most beloved books gets a loving adaptation in this classic, a story of responsibility and environmental consideration that will never grow old, and should spark some memories for parents of the right age.

Look, a documentary! Yes, non-fiction films can be family ones too. In fact, it was that cross-demographic appeal to the story of the annual journey of emperor penguins in Antarctica to find their breeding grounds that made this such an amazing success, winning Best Documentary at the Oscars after making over $120 million worldwide. Having Morgan Freeman narrate always helps too.

Will Ferrell voices the title character, the supervillain who wants to get some of the credit and adoration of his superhero counterparts. After actually killing his superhero nemesis, Megamind learns that life isn’t worth living for a villain without a hero and ends up creating a villain even worse for him to defeat. A clever spoof of the superhero genre that would dominate the next decade of blockbusters, this movie plays even better now than in 2010.

We don’t give Laika enough credit. They don’t make nearly as much money with films like Paranorman and Kubo and the Two Strings as companies like DreamWorks and Pixar. Their latest is already on Hulu, dropping less than a year after its theatrical release. It may not be their best, but it’s gorgeous to look at, revealing the company that made it as arguably the most visually fascinating animated studio around.

My Dog Skip

This family dramedy from 2000 adapts the autobiographical book of the same name by Willie Morris. It’s the story of a 9-year-old who is given an adorable Jack Russell terrier on his birthday, whom he names Skip, and some formative chapters of his life that he shares with his pup. It’s a sweet coming-of-age movie with added interest for dog lovers.

Listen, this movie is kind of a disaster, but it’s always a fascinating disaster. Joe Wright directs this prequel telling of a new origin story for Peter Pan and Captain Hook, played by Garrett Hedlund. Hugh Jackman, Rooney Mara, and Levi Miller co-star in this undeniably strange blockbuster that seems to be gaining a reappraised following over the years. Why are people still talking about Pan? Check it out on Hulu and report back.

The Pink Panther 2

Let’s just politely call this one a gateway to better things. The sequel to the Steve Martin–led reboot of the Pink Panther series isn’t objectively “good,” but it may intrigue your kids enough to watch the brilliant Peter Sellers movies or even some of the original cartoons. And, heck, even if it makes them want to see more of Steve Martin, that’s probably a good thing too.

This was the first DreamWorks feature to be traditionally animated back in 1998 and was a bigger hit than you probably remember. It’s the story of the Book of Exodus and how Moses went from being just the title character to leading the children out of Israel. It’s a very pretty film visually and features some good music as well, but history seems to have forgotten it in the wake of how much Disney dominated the ’90s.

Gore Verbinski directed one of the best animated films on Hulu, this Oscar-winning featuring voice work by Johnny Depp in the lead role and some of the most inspired visuals in any animated film this decade. Rango is a chameleon who stumbled into a town called Dirt in this inventive riff on the Western genre that plays equally to children and adults.

Smallfoot

Channing Tatum wonderfully voices the lead character in this musical comedy from 2018. He plays a Yeti who descends from his cloudy mountain village and encounters a human — both realizing that the other species thought them a mythical creature. The visuals are engaging and the jokes are just clever enough to work for all ages.

Disney+ has stolen almost all the superhero movies but Sam Raimi’s original version of the webslinger is still on Hulu. Starring Tobey Maguire, this blockbuster doesn’t get enough credit for revitalizing the entire superhero genre in a way that plays to both parents and kids. It still rules.

This 2016 animated film is the story of how storks work to deliver babies, assisted by humans at a distribution center in the sky. One of those humans gets involved in a mistake when she creates a baby they’re not supposed to and end up having to help care for it with her stork partner. The visuals here are strong even if the story is slight. Still, it’s a creative story that you haven’t really seen before.

Not only is the beloved Tiny Toons series on Hulu, but so are several movies from the franchise: 1992’s Tiny Toons Adventures: How I Spent My Vacation, 1994’s Tiny Toons Spring Break Special, and 1995’s Tiny Toon Adventures: Night Ghoulery.

Yes, they made a movie about a creepy line of toys. No, it’s not a modern animated classic. But it is something recent that may get the attention of your kids. You can’t make them watch old shows and movies all the time. And sometimes they just want to see something that was in theaters not that long ago, especially given they can’t go out to one in 2020. So, what’s this about? You probably know. Dolls. They’re kind of ugly.

This 1988 TV movie actually landed 14 years after the end of The Brady Bunch, and reunited almost all of the original cast members (Cindy was recast. Poor Cindy). It’s pretty simple — reunite with the Bradys, this time around Christmas! With the kids all grown, Carol and Mike buy airline tickets so everyone can get together around Christmas, in-laws and grandchildren included. It’s likely to make you jealous in 2020.

Wonder Park

Paramount released this computer-animated flick in early 2019, which feels like a lifetime ago now. It’s a bit simple and silly, but that’s kind of all right in our current stuck-at-home situation. Wonder Park is the story of a girl who puts her imagination away when her mother gets sick and how an imaginary amusement park helps her find that creative spark again.

[thepropertylovers]

A Definitive (And Totally Biased) Ranking of Every Song on 'Lover'

Have you listened to Taylor Swift’s new album yet? It’s already 2019 biggest selling record and we can see why. When T. Swift releases an album, it’s pretty much all you hear about for the next few months (and the few months beforehand, to be honest). So why don’t we count down the best songs on ‘Lover’?

Thomas is a huge Taylor Swift fan, and now that her new album ‘Lover’ has been out for over a week (and he’s listened to it approximately 113 times), he thought it would be fun to rank the songs in order from worst to best. You may agree with some of the choices and you may not, but we can probably all agree that the first half of the album is infinitely better than the second half, which is typically what you get with Swift.

Red may be her best album lyrically, but this album is probably her most fun. Even PJ (who isn’t a huge TS fan by any means) turned to me the other day and said he thinks this is his favorite album she’s ever put out, and is particularly loving ‘Afterglow’. On this album, she’s giving us HAIM, she’s giving us Lana Del Rey, she’s giving us Postal Service, she’s giving us country (?!). Are there too many songs on this album? Probably. Are some of them skippable? Most definitely. But when Taylor Swift blesses us with a new album every few years, it’s an event, and like any event, we need to make a big deal of it. So without further ado, here are the best and worst songs from ‘Lover’:

18. False God

Taylor doing R&B? I knew from the first listen of this song that it would be my least favorite on the album. I appreciate the lyrics, and she’s the sexiest she’s ever been, even more so than ‘Dress’, but it still feels off for her to be doing R&B. It’s not a bad song (does Taylor make bad songs?) but it’s not my favorite.

Best lyric: Staring out the window like I’m not your favorite town, I’m New York City, I still do it for you, babe.

17. Daylight

This is a beautiful closer, and not a bad song in the least (the words are gorgeous), but this is no ‘New Year’s Day’ or ‘Clean’ for me. It took me a couple of listens to find the melody, but overall it’s a solid closing song that wraps up everything she’s feeling very nicely. I think I just prefer the songs on the first half of the album so much more that this song never really stood a chance for me.

Best lyric: I wanna be defined by the things that I love, not the things I hate, not the things I’m afraid of…I just think that you are what you love.

16. You Need To Calm Down

What could I say about this song that hasn’t already been said? It was supposed to be the LGBTQ+ anthem (maybe it still is?) of the summer, but I think it missed a few of the points of what it means to be an ally. Still, Swift is the only big, heterosexual superstar actively coming out and supporting LGBTQ+ rights in her songs, and the fact that she’s trying so hard to pass the Equality Act is amazing. Plus, it’s catchy as hell.

Best lyric: And I ain’t trying to mess with your self-expression but I’ve learned the lesson that stressing and obsessing about somebody else is no fun. And snakes and stones never broke my bones, so.

15. ME!

Where do we even begin with this song? As the first single from ‘Lover’, it was polarizing to a lot of people. PJ and I stayed up until midnight when it was released and we were in bed watching the music video on our laptop and just kept going what? what….? WHAT?! Over and over again with each verse and chorus, and then when the “Hey kids! Spelling is FUN!” line happened, we almost shut our computer down. Thankfully they removed that line from the album version and it instantly made the song better. I think at the end of the day this is a fun, positive, and uplifting song that I actually enjoy, it just surprised me that a person of Swift’s talents was the one who wrote it. But I guess not every song has to be at an ‘All Too Well’ level, and this song is so damn catchy, does it really matter that it’s mot as good as the others?

Best lyric: I know that I went psycho on the phone, I never leave well enough alone, and trouble’s gonna follow where I go.

14. Soon You’ll Get Better

This song, y’all. It’s so beautifully heartbreaking. It’s similar to ‘The Best Day’ in the fact that it’s about her mom, but it couldn’t be more different in tone and feel. The lyrics are so beautiful and honest and raw and real, and the addition of The Dixie Chicks in the background (who I’m pretty sure were put on this earth to harmonize melodies to perfection) absolutely complete the song for me.

Best lyric: And I hate to make this all about me, but then who am I supposed to talk to? What am I supposed to do, if there’s no you?

13. Death By A Thousand Cuts

I don’t know what it is about this song, but this is one that I always skip whenever it comes on, even though I technically don’t have a problem with it. I guess it’s just I would rather listen to the other songs more than this one, which is why it’s lower on the list. It’s not a bad song, though, and I sing along to it whenever it’s on, but it’s not one of my favorites.

Best lyric: I look through the windows of this love even though we boarded them up. 

12. It’s Nice To Have A Friend

This is probably the weirdest song on the album, but I absolutely love it. It gives me major Postal Service vibes, but it’s quirky and fun and playful. I love the innocence of it and the feel it evokes, even if I don’t entirely know what it’s about or what she’s trying to say/the point of the song is. But she is right, it is nice to have a friend. Mr. Rogers would be proud.

Best lyric: Lost my gloves, you give me one, wanna hang out? Yeah, sounds like fun.

11. The Archer

I really like this song, and the only reason it’s on the lower half of this list is because I love her fun, more up-beat songs on the album so much. But I love the words and the angle she’s coming from on this one. And I will casually find myself singing, “All the kinds horses and all the kings men, couldn’t put me together again.” over and over randomly throughout the day. Even when she doesn’t write the words, Swift has an ear for catchy rhymes.

Best lyric: Easy they come, easy they go, I jump from the train, I ride off alone, I never grew up, it’s getting so old.

10. I Forgot That You Existed

I think as an opener it’s a pretty solid song. The title is a little trite, but the words are clever and I like the point of view/outlook she’s coming from when she matter-of-factly states that she doesn’t love the person or hate them, she just doesn’t really think about them at all. Which, to me, is the definition of moving on and is a lot easier said than done, but is so worth it when you finally get to that state of mind.

Best lyric: I forgot that you existed. It isn’t love, it isn’t hate, it’s just indifference.

9. London Boy

Sure this song is silly and has a very questionable opening line, but it’s also one of the most fun on the album. Having never been to London before, I really got a sense of what it’s like by Swift listing all of the things she loves so much about her boyfriend’s hometown. Plus listening to her list everything she loves about Joe is adorable, even if she doesn’t do the best British accent. Bonus points for mentioning Tennessee AND for an intro by Idris Elba. Swoon.

Best lyric: But something happened, I heard him laughing, I saw the dimples first and then I heard the accent. They say home is where the heart is, but that’s not where mine is.

8. Miss Americana & The Heartbreak Prince

Taylor at her most Lana-like, almost even more so than ‘Wildest Dreams’. The melody and the beat and the lyrics and the way she enunciates (and the fact that it has the word Americana in it, which is LDR’s favorite topic to sing about) reminds me so much of Lana Del Rey that I almost wonder if this should have been a duet between the two queens. I like this song because it’s interesting and the metaphors are killer. The lyrics are creative, clever, and put to good use, too.

Best lyric: Boys will be boys then, where are the wise men?

7. Paper Rings

Another fun one! I told my sister that I kind of wish she would have put this type of song out about 10 years ago because it seems a little juvenile for a 30 year old to be singing, but it’s a cute love song that is almost impossible not to dance to. It also reminds me of one of my favorite movies of all time, Clueless. Can’t you just picture Cher riding around in her Jeep with her friends listening to this song and living her best life?

Best lyric: I like shiny things but I’d marry you with paper rings uh-huh, that’s right, darling, you’re the one I want.

6. Afterglow

This is a song that grew on me, mostly because this is PJ’s favorite song on the album and I somehow always end up loving whatever song PJ likes in the end. I love how she frames a very common topic in relationships, though: that your head can make up some messed up shit sometimes and you will say or do things you don’t mean in the moment because you’re so upset. But acknowledging that you’ve made a mistake, that it’s all your fault and they didn’t do anything wrong, is the best thing you can do to correct the situation. And it really shows Swift’s maturity as a person and as a songwriter to include a song like this on her album. Also, this is PJ’s favorite song on the album, so I feel like I should have included it a little higher on the list. Sorry, baby!

Best lyric: Fighting with a true love is boxing with no gloves.

5. Lover

The most atmospheric song on the album. I wanted to not like this song because it’s so heavy and schmalzy, but I really do love it. Y’all know I’m sappy lovey-dovey, and this song is one big love letter to love, which is what she said her album is all about, so naturally I’m placing it high on the list. Me and PJ listened to this song the other night while we were in bed talking and it was the perfect background song to just be with him.

Best lyric: Can I go where you go? Can we always be this close? Forever and ever.

4. I Think He Knows

This song is SO MUCH FUN. It’s cute and poppy and boppy and I love the confidence she’s giving us. This album has a lot of 80’s sounding songs, almost more so than ‘1989’, and this is one of the best examples of it. The part right before the last chorus when the music really picks up and she belts, “I think he knooooooows!” gives me major Mariah Carey vibes and I am so here for it. Chills, every time.

Best lyric: I got that uhh, I mean, want to see what’s under that attitude. I want you, bless my soul.

3. Cornelia Street

I always think she’s at her best when it’s just her penning the songs, and this is a prime example. It’s sweet and a little melancholy, but the lyrics are so strong and you can’t help but sing along to the chorus when she sings, “And I hope I never lose you, hope this never ends.” And to be honest, I didn’t want the song to end, either.

Best lyric: Years ago we were just inside, barefoot in the kitchen, sacred new beginnings that became my religion, listen.

 2. The Man

This. Song. Is. So. Good. She’s been extremely vocal the last few years about feminism, and this song wraps everything up in a big bow and delivers it with all of the Haim-inspired gusto it can muster. The beat and music is full on Haim, but the smart and sharp lyrics are all Swift. So many good points made and I love the Leo reference in Saint Tropez. Also, I didn’t know how to pronounce Saint Tropez until this song, so I really owe her a lot for this one.

Best lyrics: If I was out flashing my dollars I’d be a bitch, not a baller, they paint me out to be bad, so it’s okay that I’m mad.

1. Cruel Summer

For me, this song rivals Blank Space in how good of a song it is, which is a big claim to make, and the reason it comes in at number 1. The tempo, the picture it paints, how you feel when you listen to the song. The lyrics and the melody, it all just fits and makes me feel like I’m driving in a convertible with the top down, cruising down the California highway as the sun is setting. Not that I’ve ever done that, but that’s how powerful this song is! It paints such a vivid picture and is easily one of her best songs to date.

Best lyric: He looks up grinning like a devil!

There you have it! Have you listened to the whole thing yet? What are your favorite songs on the album?

[squishymamasboy]

my grey opinion on the new star wars movie

TL;DR comes first: It wasn’t a good movie but I loved it and I had fun!!

so yeah, tbh, after the first and second movie I stopped reading up on theories and what-might-happen posts and that was a very healthy decision because this fandom is so full of emotions and personal opinions that I didn’t even know what my own was anymore. Like I was so caught up in discourses that I stopped seeing the movies as something that I should just enjoy.

Obviously I see the problems and agree with shitty stuff like not making Finn and Poe canon. I hate it when people harass producers about their ships and try to make it canon but in this case I can absolutely understand the disappointment because not only did they hint at it (even the actors were supportive of it), it is also very clear that disney was simply afraid of doing it. What’s even worse is: on the one side Nazis hate it because of the 2 second lesbian kiss on screen and on the other side we hate it because that lesbian kiss was once again breadcrumbs that we are supposed to praise them for. But that’s all we’ve been getting for a decade now and I’m tired of it. So there’s that.

In case of plot... I mean, they already lost me after the first movie. It was bound to be bad when we realised that it’s the same plot as the original trilogy. Which I can only appreciate in a sense that it’s supposed to bring the original story closer to the younger audience. Fair enough. But it doesn’t bring anything new to the table. It’s not innovative and that’s disappointing.

And that’s about all that I criticise I think... You can hate the fan service in TROS but I loved it. It’s expected and I enjoyed it because those moments were part of the story and not just thrown to our feet like a treat. Reading up on some discourse now I realise that the second movie was done by someone else and now Abrams was kind of trying to thread everything together and lead it back to his own story again. Which basically makes the second movie irrelevant and makes the third one feel like two movies that were cut together. I didn’t mind it much though. And I kind of liked the fast pacing because I tend to get bored quite easily.

Now to the most sensitive subject: Reylo

Like... I can see the appeal but I can also see why people hate it. I’m not proud of the Reylo fic I wrote and certainly not proud of the fact that it’s my most successful fic. But that might just be because it’s the biggest franchise that I’ve written for in general.

It’s a ship that is hella problematic and fucked up but I tend to like fucked up things while still acknowledging the problems. And even though I shipped Reylo a little I never wanted it to be canon. And before the last movie I was like “I’m so over this ship” but THEN THEY DID IT SO WELL?

Like... I don’t know man, I think they handled Kylo Ren/Ben’s story really well and I’m glad he died at the end because obviously the movie couldn’t end with him being alive because there would’ve been no time address all the problematic things he did. He maybe would’ve celebrated with everyone during the last scene and the really interesting and important stuff would’ve stayed unresolved. With his death he didn’t redeem himself completely but a little, in my opinion. He’s like Snape, doing everything for the wrong reasons but he’s a very interesting character in itself. 

And I get it. I also hate that people are so quick to forgive him and want him to be redeemed when a person of colour would have been demonised within a blink. We’re living in a world where white straight men are the only people that are portrayed as redeemable. I hate hate hate hate that. And I understand that a lot of that anger is projected on Kylo Ren.

Kylo Ren has shown abusive behaviour by torturing and gaslighting Rey but Kylo Ren (or Ben) never has been just evil. He has been groomed and manipulated since childhood and this was the way he was taught. He’s like our mum or dad who were treated shitty by their parents and now they treat us shitty too because ‘they don’t know better’. But Kylo Ren is learning throughout the story. Not from the people who gave up on him but on the people he meets along the way (mostly Rey really, which is sad, there should have been other people too). I just wish they would’ve explored his reasoning a bit more. Because I was thinking ‘okay he’s helping her, but what comes after that? Why is he giving up on his thirst for power?' But I guess in the end it’s not Kylo Ren’s story. He’s just a plot device for Rey’s story and I kinda like that.

I think it’s interesting how he is struggling on the dark side because he feels the pull of the light and Rey is struggling because she feels the pull of the dark side. I like their bond and the idea behind it and he opened up to her so obviously she feels like she can save him.

Which is a whole nother problem. I have so many (girl)friends who stay with their abusive boyfriends because they think they can change them. It’s sooo toxic and I can see why people see it in Reylo. But she only tried in the second movie. In the last one she gave up on him and just followed her own path and to me it felt like he realised that he can only do it himself if he wants to. That’s why I really liked the scene with him and Han. It was a reflection of that scene when he killed his father, only now he had the strength to actually give up on the dark side. To me it was not Rey who triggered it by healing him. It was the death of his mother. That boy fucked up so much but his parents were still trying to save him. and I think a part of Leia was still with Ben, that’s why she didn’t vanish until he died.

And Ben died by giving his life to Rey, which was nice... I’m usually sad about the “get redeemed and die” trope but I think it was very fitting. And I have to admit I didn’t mind the kiss as much as I thought I would... If he had lived, I would’ve hated it because he obviously didn’t deserve it. That way though it didn’t matter anyway lol. BUT... it was actually a nice kiss. Because it wasn’t all tongue, it was just their lips being pressed together and almost had a platonic vibe to it? and I can totally see Rey giving platonic kisses to people? I REALLY LIKE THE IDEA OF PLATONIC KISSES. And obviously Ben has never kissed anyone and died a virgin so I’m not sure he felt like it was more than platonic either.

I DON’T KNOW I JUST LIKED IT. It seemed.... innocent. Which was unexpected, considering who they are.

And I liked that Reyfinnpoe had their final hug together because if it’s not finnpoe it’s obviously OT3 and anyone who hates it can block me pffhh.

so yeah, I had fun and I enjoyed it. I guess that’s all that matters at the end.

PS: OMG BUT STAR WARS OBVIOUSLY HAS DRAGONBALL Z/SUPERNATURAL SYNDROME. Everything has to become bigger and every enemy has to be worse than the last (even though this enemy literally is the same throughout all 9 movies ooff)

PS2: now that I’m going through the tag I see people either hating Ben and wishing him dead (HE ALREADY DIED GUYS) or either complaining that he deserved better and that he was so hot and pure. AND I HATE BOTH OF KIND OF PEOPLE ASKJHFDjffg

[eleanor-writes-stuff]

a language of its own - Day 8

“And the heart is hard to translate, it has a language of its own.”

All the ways Rey and Ben say “I love you”.

Second update of the day for my 12-day Valentine’s collection! This ficlet (plus 400 words, give or take) is brought to you by the prompt a rub my back after work kind of love, and features a bonus Han appearance. I hope y’all like it!

12 Days of Valentine’s Also available on AO3 Psst, you can also find me on Twitter and Ko-fi!

Ben tries not to take calls at his desk.

Snoke has done the best he can, assigning Ben to a desk at the far end of the open-plan office to give him as much privacy as possible, but out of sight doesn’t mean out of earshot, and he’d rather not risk his colleagues eavesdropping on him. Competitive environments are nothing new to him, but this workplace takes that a whole new level – not that surprising, given who his coworkers are and what they used to do before deciding to monetize their connections. Welcome to the cutthroat world of lobbying, Gwen Phasma had deadpanned on his first day, and it was only his nerves that had kept him from laughing at what he’d so confidently assumed to be a joke.

And then Mitaka had helpfully caught him up on all the office drama, including the fact that they’ve lost four people in the last three months due to backstabbing and blackmail, and Ben hasn’t so much as smiled at a colleague since.

So yes, Ben tries not to take calls at his desk. But when his phone starts buzzing insistently and the word Dad lights up his screen, he finds himself reaching out on instinct alone. Because Han never calls, especially not when he knows Ben is at work, which can only mean…

Rey.

“Dad?”

“Oh, good,” Han mumbles, sounding a little taken aback. “You actually answered your phone. Good.”

The lack of urgency in his father’s voice banishes the worst of his fears, but Ben remains on guard. “I thought it might be an emergency–”

“I wouldn’t call it an emergency, but–”

Ben inhales sharply. “What happened? Is she okay? Where is she?”

“Slow down there, lover boy!” Han tells him with a gruff bark of laughter. “She’s fine, just slipped on some oil and landed pretty hard on her shoulder. Chewie and I tried to take her to the hospital, but you know how she is. Even wanted to go right back to work, but I put my foot down and made her go home early.”

“Thank you,” Ben sighs, pinching the bridge of his nose as he tries to calm down. A fall, his father said, and thank god she didn’t land on her head because there’s no way Rey would have allowed herself to be admitted for observation, not even at the risk of being concussed.

His father grunts in response, the only non-sarcastic way he has of saying you’re welcome. “Just did what any decent boss would do. Anyway, she’s probably going to try to keep this from you, so I thought I’d go ahead and let you know.”

It’s… surprisingly thoughtful of him, especially since Han and Rey are both card-carrying members of the walk it off club when it comes to injuries. “Thanks, dad. Seriously… thank you.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Han mumbles, and he can almost see his father uncomfortably shrugging his thanks off with a dismissive wave. “Now go check on your girlfriend, will ya? Can’t have my best mechanic working with a bum shoulder.”

Out of gratitude, Ben lets the best mechanic comment slide and even considers not telling Rey about it. He powers down his computer as he trades goodbyes with Han, and makes a stop at the sole occupied desk within twenty feet of him on his way out.

“Hey, Mitaka, if anyone asks where I went tell them I had a medical emergency, will you?”

Snoke’s going to fucking skin him for this, he knows, but that’s for future Ben to deal with. Besides, he’s already on thin ice with his boss as it is for cutting back on his overtime these past three weeks, so it’s not like things can get any worse.

He hurries off before Mitaka can even form a reply, walking towards the elevators as quickly as he can without breaking into a flat-out run. In the car he thinks of calling Rey, but if she knows he’s coming she’ll just do everything in her power to act okay.

Traffic starts to build up behind him, but Ben manages to get ahead of it and reach home in less than thirty minutes. He races up the stairs, too keyed up to wait for the elevator, and unlocks the door as quietly as possible before he steps in and finds Rey on the couch, poking her shoulder with a frown on her face and an icepack in her other hand.

“Ben! Why are you–” One look at the concern on his face and a scowl appears on her face. “Han told you, didn’t he?”

“You should’ve told me,” Ben says, unable to keep from scolding her as he drops his messenger bag by the door and takes quick, long strides over to the couch. “Here, let me see.”

He shoots Rey a sharp look when she looks as if she might protest, and carefully tugs her shirt down her arm when she presents her shoulder to him. “No bruising,” Ben murmurs as he traces the area with his fingertips.

“Because it’s nothing,” Rey huffs, shrugging her shirt back up. “You didn’t need to come home. Snoke’s not going to be happy–”

Ben gets up from the couch. “Screw Snoke,” he says dismissively as he heads into their bedroom to retrieve the bottle of lavender body oil Rey keeps on her nightstand. She likes rubbing it into her arms before bed, the kind of small luxury that had been unimaginable in her previous life and brings her so much joy now, and the scent soothes them both; more than once he’s woken up from an unsettling dream only to press his nose to her wrist and let himself be lulled back to sleep.

“Seriously, babe, it’s nothing to be worried about,” Rey insists as he returns with the oil, and the way she bites down on her lip when she spots the dark bottle in his hand is all he needs to spur him into action. If she truly weren’t in pain, she would’ve turned down his offer before he could even make it.

Instead she remains silent as Ben helps her out of her shirt, carefully maneuvering around her shoulder so that she doesn’t have to move it too much, and turns to present her back to him without prompting.

She hisses a bit when he first applies pressure, but the tension soon flows out of her shoulders once her muscles are warm and loose. Ben works in silence, stopping only to place a kiss on her temple when Rey leans back and melts into him with a sigh.

“Thank you,” she whispers, lips brushing against the curve of his shoulder.

“It’s nothing,” Ben assures her as his hands travel further down her back. As sore as he is from sitting at a desk all day, he can only imagine the kind of strain her work puts on her muscles; might as well help her deal with that while he’s at it.

“Ben,” Rey says sharply, sitting up straight and turning to look at him over her shoulder. “You left work early and pissed off your boss just to come home and give me a back rub. That’s not nothing.”

But it is to him. It’s such a small thing compared to everything else he would do for her, to all the things he wants to give her. One hand settles on her waist and gently turns her around to face him. “You know I’d do anything for you, right?”

Rey stares at him for a moment before she leans in to touch her forehead to his. “I’m beginning to see that,” she mumbles against his lips.

Are you? Ben wonders. Is she really beginning to see just how ridiculously head over heels, would-die-for-you in love he is? She pulls back to smile at him, and there’s too much serenity in her eyes for her to be in possession of that knowledge.

What he feels for her… it would send her running for the hills. Hell, some days it makes him want to run for the hills. It’s all too much, too soon – Rey doesn’t even want to talk about the future yet, and here he is, ready to marry her right this second if she’d allow him the privilege.

Too much. Too soon.

“Turn back around,” Ben tells her after a quick peck. “I’m not done yet.”

“You’re too good to me,” Rey sighs happily as she settles back into her earlier position.

You’re too good for me, he thinks, and wonders if she’ll ever stop feeling like a dream that’s too good to be true.

Second update of the day! I'm hoping to post Day 9 later tonight, but that one's gonna be a bit heavy to write so we'll see how it goes.

Some (okay, most) of you have expressed concern for the remaining ficlets, but rest assured that this is first and foremost a fluffy love story so the HEA is guaranteed. There will be ups and downs, since this follows the first year of their relationship and the first few months of their lives post-college as they try to figure things out, but they'll figure it all out together and come out stronger for it, I promise.

As always, thank you for reading and I hope you liked it! And please don't hesitate to like/reblog/comment, because those give me something to smile about while I'm stuck in bed coughing my lungs up.

[madaboutmerlin]

Merlin Writer Month: Round Up

Hello Merlin fans! It’s hard to believe, but here we are again at the end of another week! Thank you to all who participated during this third one! There have been some really great recs! We hope you’ve enjoyed recommending and/or reading and connecting with others who love this great fandom! 

As a friendly reminder, please make sure to use the tag #MerlinWriterMonth2018 when tagging your posts for this month.

This post, as per the usual, will go from largest quantity rec’d to the smallest, so as to make it more tidy. 

Without further ado, here we go!

MERTHUR:

1.  Footballers Don’t Dance by Tari_Sue

Summary: What else is a footballer supposed to do at the end of his career other than enter Strictly?

Words: 47,531

2.  No Strings Attached by leahholmes12

Summary: Who knew it would be so comfortable hiding in the closet while your boyfriend fights with his wife, wearing his boxers and smelling like sex? In Merlin’s defense, Arthur hadn’t been wearing his wedding band that night at the bar. But sex isn’t the only reason why Arthur’s seeing Merlin… One of Dr. Arthur Pendragon’s secrets will change Merlin’s life forever. Rated for infidelity, drug abuse, and explicit sex.

Words: 17,560

3.  Making Other Plans by digthewriter

Summary: Life is what happens to us while we are making other plans.

Words: 12,920

4.  You Only Live Twice by storyforsomeone

Summary: Agent Arthur Pendragon is the best double-0 the agency has ever seen, trained and honed to be MI6’s finest weapon.He does not need a voice in his ear telling him how to do his job. He does not listen to stubborn geniuses who apparently had no sense of self-preservation and enjoyed baiting professional killers.He certainly does not fall in love with quartermasters with haunting blue-gold eyes and an irritating habit of saving his life.(Or the one where Arthur is 007, Merlin is Q, and they’re both still idiots.)

Words: 226K

5.  A Question of Honour by schweet_heart

Summary: It took a few seconds for this to sink in. When it did, Merlin felt as if he’d been repeatedly hit over the head by a blunt object, and had to clutch at Arthur’s shoulder for support. “Are you telling me you’re a virgin?!” He squeaked, his voice reaching a pitch that was probably only audible to bats and a handful of dogs.OR: Arthur is getting married, and there are certain things he wants to know before his wedding night. Apparently, Merlin is the only one he can ask.

Words: 10K

6.  The Catalyst by Val_Creative

Summary: Merlin will never die. Time has withered him to a standoffish, hollow mimicry of what he has once been. The boy who wore his smiles with pride and genuine feeling.The worst part is he never truly lives, not until destiny spits Arthur Pendragon back out.

Words: 218,982

7.  Mr & Mr Smith by Detochkina

Summary: Merlin Emrys is used to living life on the go. As an agent for the Agency of Magic, Merlin’s days are consumed by travel, exotic locations, and battling a faceless rival – an officer from the competing Bureau of Corrections, who is always hot on his heels and ready to one-up him. When Merlin is sent on a mission to Las Vegas to secure a powerful artifact, he allows himself one night off. Just one, because he bloody deserves it. Drinks and foreplay lead to a bet with a hot financial advisor he just met. Merlin ends up as a newlywed. Oops. 

Words: 101,837

8.  Merlin’s Just A Fast Learner by a_fuck_it_kind_of_lifestyle

Summary:  A mysterious sorcerer saved the army of Camelot at Camlann, but more than that, he saved Arthur Pendragon. Upon returning home, Arthur discovers the errors of his ways, and vows to correct his father’s wrongs. He starts by lifting the ban on magic. But he realizes to fully understand the new world, he needs a court sorcerer. So he asks his most trusted friend to learn magic. Merlin, being an idiot, said yes. He quickly finds out that hiding his knowledge of magic while doing magic is almost as hard as hiding his deep unending love for Arthur. Arthur is still an oblivious idiot in every aspect of his life besides Uther, and doesn’t realize that he’s in love with his obvious sorcerer friend Merlin.

Words: 12K

9.  Fire and Filigree by CreamMoon

Summary: For ten years Arthur is the youngest son of Sir Ector and Lady Evaine. When the lady of the household dies in childbirth that all ends, and he becomes an indentured servant to work off his debt of “ten years of care”. Ten years later he’s at his wit’s end catering to the household’s demands. But then a series of events set in motion by an aggravating Fae, a well meaning Knight, and an annoying stranger turn his world upside down.

Words: 20,688

10.  Two Halves of the Whole by Fiery_archer_lav3nder_p1x1e

Summary: In a world where Alphas and Omegas are seen as sub-human, treated like animals, and isolated from the world, two boys find each other. The world may not see them as anything, but to each other, and the rest of their kind, they’re a beacon of hope. They’ve survived years in a system that looks only to obliterate those with their special capabilities, but once they find each other, they take their lives back…. together. Who knows what this could mean for the world.

Words: 82,171

11. The Dragon of Avalon by darklydreamingdoctor 

When Merlin is wounded at Camlann instead of Arthur, the two journey to Avalon in a final attempt to save the sorcerer's life. Once there they receive help from an unexpected source... with unexpected consequences. 

Words: 26,474

12. It’s a Safeguarding Issue by Guessimaclotpole 

Arthur Pendragon is a 23-year-old NQT preparing for his first year of teaching Music to international students at Durham University; and he is all kinds of stressed and nervous. So, when cocky northerner Emrys ends up dumped in his class, his first year of teaching becomes anything other than what he’d expected.

Emrys Smith is a 20-year-old talented local student who has applied for the music course at Durham University with a full scholarship, and with pressure from his Mother. He was the only local student to pass the entry requirements and on his first day he is thrown in with the international students. There he meets his lecturer, Arthur Pendragon, and fresh meat is always the easiest target.

After a horrible event takes place, Arthur and Emrys form a bond which they can’t allow to become anything more than a standard Teacher/Student relationship- but Arthur learns of Emrys’ dark background and can’t help but feel tenderly for him.

Only after Arthur pushes Emrys away does he realise he’s head over heels for his student.

Words: 48,871

13. down came the lightning on me by ladililn 

Plot twist: it turns out Arthur doesn't have any problem with Merlin kissing guys if it's Arthur he's kissing.

Words: 11,731

14. Knight of the Temple by rotrude 

When Edessa, a city and county conquered during the first crusade, falls to Atabeg Zengi, Pope Eugene II pleads for the start of a new expedition. Meanwhile Norman knight Arthur Pendragon is faced with the prospect of an arranged marriage. The only way out for him is joining the brethren of the Temple. It's in the Holy Land he meets the mysterious Merlin.

Words: 33,435

15. King & Lionheart by Bohemia

For someone with so many secrets, Merlin doesn't think he's very good at lying. So agreeing to discuss his friendship with the Prince of Wales at University as part of a televised documentary is probably not a good idea. Juggling magic, Royal protocol, suave (and persistent) Dukes, a Princess with attitude, and a serious amount of coursework was only the start. Oh and then there was Arthur himself. Yeah, probably shouldn't mention much about that...

Words: 263,877

16. We Need to Talk by schweet_heart

Arthur and Merlin work together. They also used to sleep together. That was a long time ago - but now Arthur wants Merlin back.

Words: 23,400

17. As the Tide Comes Tumbling In by Polomonkey 

Merlin never thought that being a politician's husband would make him a target. But then he's kidnapped by two men looking for Arthur's attention and finds himself trapped in a living nightmare.

Words: 4,540

18. Song of Runes by Plutonia 

When Arthur confronts Morgana in the throne room, hearing the name 'Emrys' for the first time in years has his mind reeling. He gave up on finding his soulmate long ago. Now he's supposed to believe that not only is it an old man, but also a sorcerer?

Words: 10,938

19. Rebuilding a Stone Circle by TheLadyCassandra 

After Merlin reveals his magic in an ambush. Arthur's choices and Merlin's fierce loyalty mean that the way ahead will not be easy.

Words: 19,849

20. The Cold Light of Morning by Clea2011 

Uther had plans for Arthur.  They didn't involve him choosing his own omega. They certainly didn't involve him choosing a servant for that role.

Words: 26,598

21. Modern Merlin AU by V_L_G_4200 

Inspired by tumblr posts by 'katiemcgrath'

"Almost got arrested." "What?? Why?" "Punched the Prince of Wales." "Was he angry?" "I don’t know. Gave me his number." "You going to call him?" "Nah, gonna post it on Twitter."

Words: 6,720

22. A Song of Life by fancyh 

Canon divergence from episode 5x03: The Death Song of Uther Pendragon. What would have happened if Arthur overheard Merlin and Uther, if he found out about Merlin's magic then?

Words: 8,224

23. You wanted to get lost in the woods by Miledh

Arthur cuenta los días esperando que sea el momento de regresar, pero antes de poder reunirse con el joven mago, el legendario rey deberá demostrar una vez más lo que hay en su corazón.

Ávalon es una tierra de magia y mitos, y el bosque es profundo más allá de los árboles.

« I found you, and it was magical. Then you wandered off into the woods and never come back. I tried yo find you again, but you didn't want to be found. I looked everywhere, but you walked away and I lost you. »

Kayden Lomahan

Words: 10,665

24. Little Talks KnownAsEmrys 

Merlin lost the three most important people to him and unsurprisingly he has a hard time adjusting to it. He loses his job and he no longer has anywhere to go when his apartment building gets torn down. Luckily, Arthur, the man he's only met twice, and who is adored by their mutual friends, has a spare room.   Or,

In which Merlin needs a place to stay and his friends decide to move him in with the rich workaholic he barely knows.

Words: 57,893

25. and we'll be glowing in the dark by destroyerofhearts 

Every Christmas throughout his childhood until he moved out of home, his father had always set up his Christmas themed model train and town set. A wave of nostalgia rushed through Arthur as he admired the little building that held many fond memories of Christmas with his family growing up. Rifling through the box next to the first one he’d open, he revealed the train and its tracks, buried underneath several Christmas lights. And it was in that moment that inspiration struck. 

In which Merlin is the grinch, Arthur is a real Christmas enthusiast, and Christmas light competitions are most definitely a thing.

Words: 2,246

26. More Than A Feeling by staymagical 

P.I. Arthur Pendragon has always considered himself good at his job, relying more on his gut instincts and intuition than his mediocre skills at spell casting and half-assed illusions. But it's enough and he gets the job done, more or less. A woman asking for his aid in tracking down her missing daughter, a familiar no less, is just another case in his books. Until it isn't.

Merlin Emrys hasn't known much in life, happiness perhaps as a child, then the dark shades of society and cruelty bled through as he got older. At 25, he's used it by now. It comes with being a familiar in a witch dominated world. And in the dark underbelly of the city where he resides, he has little choice in how he wants to live. Only whether he survives.

Purely by chance, they stumble upon each other and together, end up discovering the sinister secrets of the city's underbelly.

Words: 6,311

GEN:

1. Rend and Rebuild by PeaceHeather 

One wrong move in the heat of battle changes everything. Merlin is a sorcerer, and Arthur has stabbed him.

Words: 103,598

2. Do You Feel Like a Young God? by onceandfuturewarlock 

When Merlin's magic is discovered by the last person he ever would have expected, he soon finds himself a pawn in the most twisted, dangerous game he's ever played, no way to win, and no way out - unless, of course, he changes the rules.

Words: 22,038

3. Stronger Than by NotNecessarilyInThatOrder 

“I said I was dying.” Arthur sighed.“I don’t have time for this.” “Would you have had time to retrieve my corpse?” Merlin thought, then nearly smacked himself when Arthur’s expression made him realize he’d spoken out loud. Could Merlin have told the truth if Arthur had been willing to listen that morning? What would that mean for their future? For Morgana's?

Words: 38,034

4. The Siege Perilous by CarverTwain

Druids came for Hunith's son long ago. Years later, a man named Emrys and his apprentice are captured as Druids in Camelot. But Emrys strikes a deal with Uther: as long as the King allows Emrys to live as a political prisoner in the dungeons, the Druids will stay far away from Camelot. Uther agrees. Hated and feared, Emrys works to gain the trust of his jailers.

Words: 26,781

5. A Sea and Four Centuries by MDJensen 

In which Lancelot and Aramis wake up in the wrong beds-- and the wrong countries, and the wrong centuries.

Words: 13,613

6. Knowledge does not mean Understanding by Selene467 

In a time when Merlin's magic is outed and accepted -something he never thought possible months ago- Arthur is shown that despite knowing how strong Merlin is, he doesn't fully understand -comprehend- just how powerful he truly is. A dangerous conflict in which Merlin all but sacrifices himself to save everyone else, shows Arthur that there is far more to Merlin than he thought possible. Gaius wasn't kidding when he told Arthur that Merlin was the strongest sorcerer ever to have lived.

Words: 13,147

7. A Criminal's Burial by gecko818 

Upon awakening in a strange castle with no memory of the last week, Arthur learned that not only had he been recovering from poison, but that Merlin was responsible for the betrayal. Unfortunately, the boy was reportedly killed by Arthur's own sword and left to rot. Little does he know, the story is a mere ruse to conquer Camelot.

Words: 34,761

8. The Right Thing by AithuzahFic

Merlin jumped when Arthur spoke.

“He didn’t deny it,” he said, his voice low and cool.

“I’m sorry?”

“He said he loved her and would never hurt her, but he never said it wasn’t true.”

Words: 3,734

9. Silence Cuts Loudest Through the Chaos by 1917farmgirl

Kidnapped by a mad king, Arthur and Merlin must rely on each other like never before. While Arthur struggles with choices that put his heart and duty at odds, Merlin struggles just to stay alive after being stripped of his magic and freedom. With impossible choices and heavy secrets weighing them down, can they manage to escape before all is lost?

Words: 73,213

10. The Truth of Who We Are by Marie_Iliea 

Set into the wall, a brazier evenly spaced between them, were words, each with the imprint of a hand below it, and a pair of footprints set into the floor below that.   Loyalty, Strength, Courage, Servitude, Magic, Nobility, Humility, Authority, and Discipline.  Merlin recognized the riddle right away, having met the dwarf during Arthur’s quest. He knew three of the names, three of the matches — and it terrified him. What would the others make of him being Magic? He shivered, a thrill of fear running down his spine.

Or: When Arthur and the knights go hunting, but events take a predictably unusual turn that exposes Merlin's magic to them all -- and then it all goes, quite literally, to the Otherworld.

Words: 6,501

11. Some Things Are Meant to Be by 1917farmgirl

For Merlin, having the world fall apart around him was nothing new, but having someone there to help him pick up the pieces afterwards unfortunately was. Until it happened twice, with two very special people who appeared in his life when he most needed saving.

Words: 6,720

12. Conversation with a Goldsmith by Signal27

Arthur has commissioned rings for his new knights that helped him take back Camelot from Morgause, Morgana, and the immortal army. Along with the rings, he learns a history that his father never told him...about a dragonlord that helped put his father on the throne. Balinor. Post season 3. Arthur figures a few thing out, but keeps it secret.

Words: 46,594 

ARWEN:

1. The Three Guineveres by CyberQueens

It probably was too much to expect, that a royal wedding in Camelot could ever go on without trouble, doppelgangers, ghosts and an attempted assassination. And only about half of it was Merlin’s fault this time.

Words: 93,517

2. The Peasant King (and His Noble Queen) by CyberQueens

Arthur, long-lost illegitimate son of Uther Pendragon, enjoys the simple peasant’s life, in a simple village, as he worries about simple things. That is, until the day Merlin comes to make him king. Elsewhere, Guinevere, descended from a great and noble family of equally great and noble standing, mourns her father, and the fact that he left his crown to her brother.

With peace and stability in Albion resting on an alliance between their kingdoms, the two of them are a match made in heaven – in everyone’s opinion but their own, of course.

Words: 37,168

3. A Matter of Pride by WoodlandGoddess1

Arthur gazed down at the photograph of his uncle for another moment and then looked out at his wife once more. He let her blatant bisexual pride flood through him and fill the cavern of his chest. He raised his chin and squared his shoulders as he made a decision that could change his life as he knew it:

He was going to the pride festival.

Words: 34,555

4.  Living with Merlin by rubberglue

Gwen needs a place to live and Merlin needs a house mate. It's (almost) perfect.

Words: 21,937

5.  Not Your Everyday Arthurian Fantasy by  sophielou21

Gwen gives Arthur the shock of a lifetime when she tells him she is pregnant. Deciding to keep the child, they embark on the difficult task of telling their friends and family members the news - and leave a path of chaos in their wake.

[Originally posted on LiveJournal in 2010, under the title 'One Morning On Wednesday' following a prompt on the then-Arthur/Gwen community Camelot_Love, posted by a friend. This is a tongue-in-cheek reimagining of BBC Merlin's Camelot set in a modern alternative version of Britain - or Albion - today.]

Words:15026

6. Above The Law by  JustineofQueens

Arthur and Morgana Pendragon are Albion's finest brother and sister detectives who work alongside attorneys Elyan and Guinevere of Leodegrance & Leodegrance Law Firm, putting away Albion's worst criminals. But one criminal has eluded them thus far. Myron Crook.

Words: 112,149

7. The Other Princess by  Funny.Bonez

When Morgana runs away after finding out she is to be married to the prince of Camelot, it is up to Gwen to step in and take her place. But with all the twist and turns that life has to offer, can Gwen really handle marrying Arthur? Or will she run to? AU

Words: 79,355

8. Marriage by Agreement by  sportyshuie

Arthur’s a womaniser and wants Gwen in his bed by all means, including marrying her through cheat and gamble. Gwen loathes Arthur yet succumbs to the loveless marriage for her father. But destiny mentions Arthur’s first wife will die and only his second will bring him happiness. And Elena is waiting in the wings. Read as the drama unfolds … will Gwen die or will she live?

Words: 165,122

9. Forbidden by Thepinkhouseowner

He’s a world-famous actor, she’s just a simple costume designer for the film he’s starring in. He likes blondes, fake boobs and good times. She is gentle, genuine and quietly beautiful. Not even a one night stand could ever happen… could it?

Words: 71,612

10. Desperate Measures by niklovr

Speculation fic. Guinevere fears that Morgana's enchantment has affected her fertility. So she considers magic to help her produce an heir. Meanwhile, Arthur's investigation into sorcery will lead him to question his greatest ally. Will include Merlin, Gaius, the Knights, & maybe Morgana. Spoilers: 5x06, 5x07, 5x08, and 5x09.

Words: 56,706

11. The Wife by tudor-rose445

As the wife of the prince Gwen knows that she is destined to one day rule beside him. Yet the road to the throne will not be simple. The second entry in "The Once and Future" series.

Words: 45,843

MERWAINE:

1. The Price of Eight For One by dancingpenss 

The soulmate words were seemingly the one form of magic Uther Pendragon could not best. Merlin has never wanted hers; they are sure to be a great deal of trouble on top of being a warlock. After all, soulmarks are a type of magic, and she has eight.

Words: 45,877

2. the one where everybody finds out by nanwashbrad 

A series of shorts about how the people of Camelot found out about Gwaine and Merlin.

Words: 3,598

3. If I Had a Heart I Could Love You by SolarMaga 

Given Merlin’s track record he felt himself quite justified in his brutal crushing of any romantic feelings, no matter how vague. Besides, Merlin had a destiny. He had to keep a close watch on Arthur, how could he do that if he was too busy being in love?

Compared to Merlin, Gwaine opened his heart wholly to anyone willing to peek within, that didn’t mean though that any one person held his heart. No, Gwaine left himself open to any but never let anyone in long enough to take root.

Merlin refusing to accept that he might possibly have romantic feelings for anyone. Gwaine can't quite figure out why he keeps thinking kissing his best friend until he does. Poor Lancelot is left shaking his head at the two of them. So what if the Perfect Knight tries to push his friends into each others arms? Someone had to do it.

Words: 11,792

4. Endless by MumblePhantomFox 

Although Merlin would've liked to have thrown in the towel, what he wanted to be an end was only yet another beginning. And with new royalty making waves, magical threats continuing to surface, and a new generation to protect, Albion has no intention of letting him disappear anytime soon.

Words: 5,641

5. A New Day by Hershey_chan 

"Loving Arthur was, without a doubt, the most painful thing Merlin had ever endured...

As Merlin stood in front of an applauding crowd, wearing fine robes to match the new title of Court Sorcerer that Arthur had bestowed upon him with Queen Guinevere at his side, Merlin wondered why he was still alive.  He had completed his destiny, hadn’t he?  Now he had no purpose.  For some reason, it seemed natural to Merlin that people died because they had finished what they were placed on this world to achieve.  Why else would it be fair that all of Merlin’s loved ones had died saving other people, which they must have been destined to do?

But Merlin was not dying.  He felt in perfect health, and thanks to his protection spells surrounding the castle and the whole of Camelot, he would not be killed in some kind of attack.  Merlin looked first at Arthur’s beaming face, then at Gwen’s, then turned to survey the room of happy people.  He felt sick."

With his destiny completed, countless loved ones dead, and his love for Arthur unrequited, Merlin finds himself lacking the will to live.  Gwaine tries to give him a purpose again.

Words: 19,557

6. The Traveler and The Servant by MagicLovesStrength

 Gwaine met Merlin months ago, but never expected to see him again captured in Cenred's dungeon, bound to the floor with chains.  He knows they have to get out, before Cenred can harm them both, or kill them.

Words: 2,537

BALINOR/HUNITH:

1. The Merman and the Maiden by LittensTinyMittens

Hunith Faber is Uther Pendragon's Personal Assistant. She hates her job, but the pay is decent, at least until she can find another one. Due to their office being under repairs, he is working from his massive mansion, and she is joining him.

She never expected to find a merman in his huge aquarium.

Words: 6,729

MERWEN:

1. love takes you in by queervampire 

"It wasn’t my fault!" Merlin defended, while Gwen just pointed to him and said, "It was his idea!"

The baby in her arms gurgled with amusement.

(The one where Merlin and Gwen become co-parents, Morgana plays matchmaker, Arthur is clueless, and magic druid babies make everything better.)

Words: 10,501

FREYLIN:

1. stolen moments by daisy_chains

It is on rare occasions, when the sun burns brightly and magic thrums melodically in the air, that Freya manages to slip away from her watery grave to join her lover for a few stolen moments.

Words: 5,436

LEON/PERCIVAL:

1. You're My Home by ThexBrokenxMirror

Nothing is as it seems to be in Camelot. People are starting to get sick with what they are calling the 'Illness'. Soon they are going to learn that Morgana isn't the only one they have to fear. Especially when this enemy is something they've never seen before.

Words: 15,907

MERLIN/LANCELOT:

1. Starting the End by Uniasus

When Arthur and the knights walk out of the Lake of Avalon, Merlin's not sure what to think. He's seen some awful things, but Arthur's arrival hints that what's to come could be worse. Sadly, Merlin has no clue what it is.

And on top of that, they no longer work as a unit. Merlin's relationships with them all have shifted, partly because they all now know he has magic, partly because in the modern world he's a million more times successful (and has the cash to prove it), and partly because in the roughly two thousand years he's been walking the Earth he's spent lifetimes with the individual knights, come to love each and every one, and they don't remember.

Words: 26,265

MULTIPLE:

1. Let Them Go And Fade Into Light by Lion_owl 

After the victory at Camlann and the death of Morgana, Queen Guinevere has lifted the ban on magic and Camelot is thriving – but with a new threat looming on the horizon, Arthur and the other fallen knights must return considerably sooner than Merlin anticipated; and they have a surprising ally by their side

Words: 3,347

[spacewolfqueen]

The Last Jedi Review: Reylo Bitches. And Where Reylo Can Go From Here.

DO NOT READ IF YOU HAVEN’T SEEN THE LAST JEDI!!! SPOILERS AHEAD!!!

Okay this may be long but I’ve got to get this out of my system.

First of all: can we just have a slow clap moment for Reylo. One of the reasons I left Tumblr over a year ago was because of the Reylo hate. Well... 

And I have some things to say.

To anyone who hated The Last Jedi and thought it ‘wasn’t a Star Wars movie’ or told people if they liked it that ‘it must of been the first SW movie you saw’ What the actual fuck did you watch?! Was this the first SW movie you saw?? Because it was fantastic. Perfect? No but pretty damn good. 

Let’s break this down for a minute:

Star Wars has always been about HOPE. Throughout all the movies. But Rogue One says it best: 

Because isn’t that what we’ve been watching this entire damn time? Good rising up to face evil. Light vs. Dark. Even during Anakin’s story, light was still there to try and fight his darkness. But these movies are also about how good people can make bad decisions. My favorite example: Cassian’s story. He fought for so long for the resistance and followed orders he didn’t agree with because he held out HOPE that in the end, Light/Good would triumph over the dark. 

Darth Vader: Anakin made a bad decision for love. In his mind, he was doing what he had to in order to save the one he loved. And when he lost that love, when he FEARED his love had turned against him, he gave into his fear and turned to the dark side. But what brought him back? Luke’s HOPE, Luke’s LOVE for his father. 

Luke: Okay I get why some people are upset with Luke hiding for years. They think it’s out of character. But hear me out: Luke was afraid. He didn’t want Ben to turn into Darth Vader. Once he had seen how much Snoke had corrupted him, Luke confesses his moment of weakness. He almost gave into his fear but instead, he stopped. Unfortunately Ben didn’t listen and acted against Luke in FEAR. I think Luke’s moment of weakness/shame is critical here. He saw there was darkness in himself as well. He saw what he was capable of if he gave into that darkness. He saw he would be no better than Darth Vader. I think that was the moment he realized why the Jedi Order couldn’t continue. Because the Jedi’s are the complete opposite of the Sith but that’s not exactly a good thing. The Sith are dark, never acknowledging the light in them. In turn, the Jedi are light but don’t acknowledge the darkness in them. The Jedi think this is how it must be. But, just like The Last Jedi showed us during the ENTIRE MOVIE, there is light and dark in all. It must be balanced. 

Reylo: I never really understood/still don’t understand why people hate this so much. But Reylo truly is about balance. About light and dark coming together to balance the force. Like every movie has been talking about: BALANCE. Obviously Kylo Ren has some issue and no one thinks he’s perfect. But Rey isn’t some timid girl who would let him walk all over her in a relationship. Have you seen the movies?? 

Ben Solo was a boy when he became Kylo Ren. He felt as if he’d been betrayed and left alone. Do you remember when you were younger and how emotional you reacted to things before seeing the bigger picture or listening to understand? I’m not saying Ben is completely innocent but we need to acknowledge that he is a victim of sorts. His reaction was wrong. He made a bad decision. And he turned to Snoke, believing it was his destiny. He didn’t have HOPE. He believed himself destined for darkness. Rey has always held out HOPE. Hope her family would return. Hope that one day she wouldn’t be alone anymore. She is afraid, yes. She has her doubts but always holds on to hope. 

Kylo/Ben needs hope. And he found it through the force bond with Rey. Rey was that hope he wouldn’t be alone, that there was someone out there who could understand. But when she doesn’t join him when he asks, he falls back on what he knows, FEAR. Fear he expresses with anger. (that whole ‘anger is a secondary emotion thing’) 

But Rey admits she’s afraid of what’s inside her. A.K.A. that bit of darkness. She’s afraid too. But she has more light in her so she doesn’t give into fear like Kylo/Ben does. She sees the fear in him. And she knows how to help. 

But HELLO, there’s a WAR going on. She can’t just abandon the resistance in their hour of need to focus on Ben. She has to prioritize. Resulting in Ben falling further and further into the darkness. So cue the entire scene of the final showdown in The Last Jedi. 

And cut to the force bond.

When you watch that scene (I’ve seen it twice now) Rey is upset/angry yes, but I think she’s looking at Ben with a spark of hope in her eyes. Because he’s kneeling there, in pain, clearly afraid. But he feels like this is the path he’s on, that there’s no HOPE of leaving it now. “Let the past die; kill it if you must. It’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.” He believes he’s meant to always be in the darkness, living with FEAR and anger. It’s why he’s trying to kill his past through his father, Luke, Snoke even. But Rey is something he didn’t plan on Rey is his present and future. She’s his HOPE. 

So, I think in a way, Kylo Ren will be the an antagonist in episode 9. But not in a way many think. I believe it will be Ben’s FEAR. The Last Jedi was about holding onto HOPE. And what can drive out FEAR? Hope. Just as FEAR can destroy HOPE. 

But fear can be healthy. Fear can drive us to do things we didn’t think possible. Fear can build courage in us. Hope can be a bad thing. If you only have hope that things will get better, but never actually do anything, what good is that hope? Hope and fear can both be a spark. A spark that lights a fire! You see where I’m going with this? 

I think once Rey and Ben find the balance between them, their hope and fear will help bring the First Order down. But more than that, it’ll bring balance to the galaxy. Which is really what it needs. And I think The Last Jedi did a good job of showing this. “That’s how we’re gonna win. Not fighting what we hate, saving what we love.”

The Force Awakens showed us that just because the Empire was destroyed, darkness still rose up in its place. Because there will always be darkness. You blow it up today but it’ll blow you up tomorrow. So here we are, with good and evil still at war. What’s to stop darkness from rising up again when/if the First Order is destroyed? 

Poe’s storyline did a good job of showing that something needs to change. War is just going to bring destruction and death to both sides. You can't just keep making sacrifices in order to win the battle. At the end of the day, you need to end the war. 

I know my thoughts are a bit all over the place. But I needed to get this written down, out of my system since I don’t know anyone to sit and talk Star Wars with. 

[thefudge]

TLJ thoughts, post-viewing

sooo, i have a lot of feelings about a lot of things. also the subtitles didn’t prepare me. for a lot.

this movie is made up of many quiet, non-verbal moments and rian johnson lets those moments sink in and dwell with you and that’s great

rey exploring the workings of the force, for example. there’s a really cool sequence where she’s trying to find out who her parents are and she lowers herself in the embodiment of the dark side and it’s very trippy and cool. it’s not rushed and it’s v atmospheric. she gets the incentive to do that thanks to kylo. his revelations about luke and his general aura of “troubled darkness” inspire her to dig deeper.

i think what i liked most about reylo was its sense of gratuitous intimacy. what i mean by this is that they seemed to connect without effort, without having to manipulate the plot to make it fit. they seemed be in their own little movie, dealing with things beyond the usual surface level of star wars ‘good vs. evil’. kylo’s philosophy about letting the past go is definitely flawed, but the way the movie frames reylo, they do seem to “let go” of their surroundings and circumstances when they’re together. it’s sort of timeless. 

i will say, i don’t think the romance was that "romantic”, if that makes sense? and i think it’s a good thing. their bond is very real, but it goes beyond “romantic drama” and your usual hero/villain trope. it has shades of that, ofc, and there is palpable sexual and romantic tension, imo. but i sensed something more mature and interesting between them. it could go either way. do i want reylo to have a future in ep 9 and after? yep. is it possible they won’t? also yep. mainly because kylo let rey down. and here’s the kicker: it’s not rey that really rejects him. it’s him that rejects rey. because she tries quite a few times to bring him over to her side, and i think her anger and sadness stem from the fact that, ultimately, kylo didn’t choose her, and ergo the light. he’s still v much conflicted and i think she can sense that. but rey is hungry. she wants all or nothing. she can’t have half of him. so she doesn’t reject him as much as tell him straight up that she won’t stand for being second. for instance, she expects him to fold to her side immediately after taking down snoke. when he doesn’t, she’s quite literally in tears. this hurts her on a deeper level than “oh no, the dark side won and the resistance lost an important ally.” no, this feels like her parents all over. leaving her, deserting her. that’s how i read it, tbh. 

and kylo does some reprehensible shit in the latter quarter of the movie, lol, like i won’t woobify him, since i like my antiheroes to be antiheroes.  but he's not quite villain level?  if u look at snoke, if u take that cool, collected snarky asshole - that’s a villain. he knows who he is, and what he wants. kylo is hopelessly confused and always looking for validation. he tells rey that she’s the one always looking for father figures - but oh, benny ben. it’s actually you. he wants someone to really see him, and that’s why he’s drawn to rey. but just to clarify: he doesn’t have it in him to kill his mother. he has an open, unambiguous chance and he stops. he is willing to destroy her when she stands behind walls and is shielded by the resistance. yet when she’s in the open, no. that was my read on it. 

his fight with luke is...very much one-sided. luke appears as a force-hologram to fight him and kylo just wants to obliterate him for very, very personal reasons. kylo is not the cool, collected new emperor who is going to “kill the past”. he lives so much in the past that he doesn’t even realize luke isn’t even there. 

and btw, kylo doesn’t kill luke, though he wishes he had. early on we get this foreshadowing. when the first force-bond happens between him and rey, he goes “no, you’re not doing this. the effort would kill you.” meaning that, to transport yourself through space via force (without a bond) takes a looooot of energy. luke goes on a suicide mission, basically. he knows using the force like this will kill him. he’s almost having fun toying with kylo at the end. 

when kylo realizes he’s a force-hologram, luke smiles and says “see you around, kid.” not exactly anakin vs obi-wan, if u know what i mean.

and then back on the island, we see luke peacefully give himself over to the force and vanish. it’s v tranquil and quite satisfying and the original star wars theme is used so well, imo. do i think we could’ve had more of luke? sure. but he went out on his own terms. that’s the whole point - kylo didn’t kill him. he killed himself.

again, i want to emphasize that kylo is still very much an antihero, dipping his toe into villainy (and failing - which makes him more angry, which only makes it harder to be the villain he wants to be haha). he’s not a Good Guy. many posts will crop up in the tag about what a poor, lost soul he is. yes and no. rey actually understands him when she closes the falcon door on him. she knows him and appreciates him. he will never really be ben solo and that’s a good thing. trying to be ben solo so hard is what got him in this mess. he isn’t supposed to be a Good Guy. so no, i don’t want him to “turn” (see my thoughts on “turning” below). i want him to truly move beyond the past and reform himself on his own terms, just like luke. because hey fam, luke isn’t a Good Guy in this movie either AND THAT’S GREAT. anyway, i certainly won’t be romanticizing him (kylo). he’s a compelling antihero who definitely has baggage and trauma (luke did try to kill him as a boy, though he has a wildly dramatized version of the event lol) but he is also someone who has to help himself. ultimately, rey’s goal isn’t to “save” him but to push him to save himself. honestly, if kylo had followed her and “turned” and reluctantly joined the resistance, it would’ve been a total let down and a betrayal of his character. him “turning” wouldn’t help him. he’d still have that darkness and that anger inside of him, multiplied. boy needs therapy - aka working through his issues, not ignoring them and joining the Good Side. 

Other things I liked: 

- admiral holdo’s arc - beautiful, well-done and surprising. laura dern kills it. 

- benicio del toro!!!!! no small parts with this man. he is delightful. imagine rick from “rick and morty” but way hotter lol. he was probably my favorite addition, after rose. he’s the middle-ground guy, he’s more han solo than fucking han solo. he doesn’t believe in good guys vs bad guys and he shows both finn and the audience that the two sides err because they believe their path is the only path. he perfectly encapsulates the very real contradictions in modern-day ethics and how our “pure and wholesome” activism often shields us from some terrible truths. he does have a semblance of a heart underneath his cynicism but i love that in the end he doesn’t suddenly discover the power of friendship with finn and rose. he’s a jaded asshole with shades of good, who’s probably seen some rough shit. BUT, he has this super cute moment with rose before things go to shit regarding her necklace and it’s !!!!!! it shows how much he understands human nature. i kinda ship them. aaaanyway. i definitely think he will return, his arc is not done. 

- ROSE TICO SMILING AND BEING HAPPY. ROSE TICO RIDING THAT KANGAROO CREATURE AND ENJOYING LIFE. i treasured those scenes a lot. she’s a great combo of feisty and childlike, tough and innocent. gosh, she reminds me of bonnie bennett so much ;___;

- general hux. yall, it’s true. it’s all true. hux may have won me over. hux in TFA was just a lite over-the-top villain imo. but here??? he’s such a fun, dynamic character, rian gave him a lot of fun, humorous moments. and honest to god, he’s also given some humanity. when kylo takes over, he is genuinely affected and disturbed by his level of aggression. and he’s....idk, much less evil in this one. probably because of the humor. he just seems like a man dead-set on fulfilling his mission, brainwashed to the core. and underneath the brainwashing, he seems to be your average overwhelmed white dude. i don’t think he’ll be redeemed or anything but...it’s weird how at the end of TLJ he is probably the MOST reasonable dude from the first order???

- there’s this great little message about failure. i think here TLJ was inspired by Rogue One. because a lot of the characters in this movie learn to let go and accept defeat. you can’t always save everyone, you can’t always fight back. sometimes, the brave thing is to retreat and treasure the ppl you love. so i def liked that.

- GODDAMN GHOST YODA. i honestly thought i’d hate it because...gimmick, amirite? but that scene with luke was SO emotional and also funny and visceral and just - i was a bit teary-eyed, ME, THE GRINCH. i was suddenly nine again, watching star wars for the first time. ANYWAY. 

- luke skywalker deserves a separate entry. mark hamill did so much with this character in the last few scenes. also some of the stuff he says about the force in this movie is legit beautiful and i love how he criticizes the vanity of the jedi - because this was what was missing from the prequels. anakin fell because the council was tone-deaf. the jedi are often responsible for their own doom and so they must always be vigilant - which is a goddamn thankless job. i love that luke acknowledges this. 

-luke/leia moment. GAAAAH. HE KISSES HER FOREHEAD GOODBYE AND SHE KNOWS HE’S NOT COMING BACK FROM THIS. I DIED.

- in that order of business, leia finally FIIIINALLY gets to show off a bit and use the force in a pro-active manner. it’s also clear to me that episode 9 would’ve been the story of her and “ben” and i think she would have been the catalyst for his eventual development. but sadly, we’ll never see that ;____; 

-there is some gorgeous cinematography and visual direction in this movie. particularly in the third act, on that salt planet? the red trails? shivers. 

-i didn’t hate any of the new creatures like i thought i would??? probably because they were used sparingly and with a sense of humor.

Stuff i kind of didn’t like:

- phasma. phasma, phasma, phasma. WHAT was that??? like tell me that wasn’t anticlimactic as hell. she was, sadly, a pointless character. unless she somehow survived the fire and destruction, which i doubt, i really don’t see the point of casting wonderful gwendolyn christie just to stand there in armor. 

- MAZ KANATA. is barely in this. i call bullshit. 

-sigh, okay so i loved rose to death, but her arc revolved way too much around finn. on the one hand i get it, on the other hand.... i was hyped because ppl were saying she gets this big moment to shine. and granted, imo, she shines every moment she’s on screen. but i think her climactic scene was... *fart noises*. it’s completely centered around finn. she saves him basically, and it’s definitely heartfelt and lovely but also...it’s finn’s moment 100%. because it’s him who has to learn about his own worth. i do think they make a good team and i ship them a little bit, but the one-sided kiss was not satisfying and i’m tired of having to watch my darling woc give their love and devotion freely, only to be  tertiary characters in their own story. like, imo, it should’ve been rose who flew straight into that cannon and tried to take it down for her sister. she should’ve been the one determined to take it down. and it should’ve been finn to save her and tell her they must find meaning in other things. finn definitely cares for her and in the last scene we have of him, he’s tending over rose and waiting for her to wake up BUT. will rose ever be number one for anyone, like the white girls, i wonder? eh, i’m probably just grumpy old aunt. she does get to have an internal world, she’s a believable human being, she matters. the thing is, white girls in these movies can bend their little finger and they’re considered worthy and complex. rose has to jump through hoops to be seen the same way. anyway.

- i liked poe dameron’s arc, which is “hey, maybe i should stop posturing and listen to women more lol” which is “learn when to retreat and stand down” but...honestly, you hire gorgeous oscar isaac who can give you real emotional weight and you just...kinda under-utilize him. yes, he did a lot of stuff, but he...didn’t take time to internalize it. this dude feels like he’s got a lot of demons and conflicting desires and a rich inner life, yet we only skim the surface of that. like, he’s aways in go-mode, we rarely get a quiet moment with him. like pls fix this, episode 9. 

-luke’s reaction to han’s death is pfffffffffffff. maybe we’ll get more in a deleted scene? 

- also....can we stop pussyfooting and legit talk about han as a dad? because they keep hinting he wasn’t a good one, nor a very good husband to leia. but...it’s very unsatisfying to keep hearing about it without good storytelling to back it up. 

- the world-building & the origins of the first order. i had problems with this in TFA and, big surprise, i still have problems with it here. basically, why has the first order taken over the new republic? how did they gain support? were there remnants of the old empire that survived and thrived as the first order? what about the knights of ren? luke mentions kylo took some students with him when he destroyed the jedi temple, so....what about those guys? like, this very fraught and war-torn landscape doesn’t have a solid history. how did A become B? why is every corner of the galaxy oppressed? why are some planets thriving more? are they all arm-dealers??? i find that hard to believe. yeah, we have the expanded universe for that, we have books and comics etc. but i need these movies to give us a sense of their own universe. i’m...still not convinced. 

-lolol, snoke dies like a bitch. and it’s so anticlimactic and duuuumb. dude, a five-year old coulda seen that coming but your ancient super powerful ass couldn’t? laaaame. he’s like “oh, yes, i sense no more conflict in you, kylo ren. just a deep certainty”. YES FOOL, because he’s decided to remove u, because he’s confident he wants rey, and not you, by his side. it was soooo lame. but i guess we had to remove him to make the audience think kylo was turning good for a second there.

-which reminds me... and you probably saw this coming, i hate the idea of “turning”. rey keeps talking about ben turning to the light. and this verb annoys me to no end. it’s made clear that they both already have a lot of light and darkness in each other. it’s about finding balance. where’s my grey jedi??? episode 9 pls????

Extra Reylo stuff i didn’t see mentioned which i adored: 

- during their first force-bond moment when they sense each other, kylo ren runs out of the medical unit and into the corridor like a goddamn luckless teenager, expecting to see rey pop up in a prom dress.  it’s precious. i love awkward!kylo. also rey tries to shoot him bc she thinks he’s actually there and kylo bends down, thinking he was shot. it’s a rly cool moment. and it doesn’t feel malicious like, he doesn’t expect anything less from her. 

- there’s so much charged electricity between them and it’s not all sexual. it’s kinda mystical and i dig it. i’m weirdly reminded of xavier and magneto??? as in two enemies who have such a rich history and whose bond transcends human morality. 

-OKAY. i saw no one talking about this but THAT GODDAMN SNOW WHITE SCENE. so rey decides she’s going to turn kylo to the light because that’s their one hope of defeating the first order etc. luke tries to stop her, but she’s like i’m going after my man. okay. she gets on the falcon, then she puts herself in this casket-like pod and AND. we get this lovely, breath-taking sequence of her arriving at the first order base, slipping gently into the hangar in her casket. and she’s def nervous. AND THEN. she looks up through the glass and there’s steam at first and through the steam we see kylo’s face, looking down at her wistfully. IT’S SO WEIRDLY FAIRY-TALE WTF. and then ofc the guards come in to shackle her. BUT JESUS. the prince looking into the casket to find snow-white WHAT ARE THESE AESTHETICS. it felt like a nod to the infamous scene in TFA where he carries her bridal style. it’s very fairy-tale-esque. 

- i love that in the scene with the multiple reys, when she reaches through the mirror to see her parents, the shadowy figure who appears and touches her hand seems at first to be kylo and then she realizes it’s herself. i also love that she talks to kylo about that experience. GAH. 

- i just rly loved that there was so much humanity in their interactions.

Reylo stuff which sort of bothered me/left me wanting more: 

- like excuse u rian,  during the praetorian guards fight, i needed more moments where kylo looks at rey and is worried for her sake. i needed that fight to be a bit more visceral and about the two of them and their survival. they do fight together and it’s great but then...they’re sort of separated and carry their own small battles (i did love how rey saved him with that lightsaber throw)

- the whole “you come from nothing, you are nothing.” yea yeah, he’s a dummy who doesnt know how to express his feelings, he’s mr. darcy x 1000 of faux pas. but i still think adam driver’s acting went a little much there. the way he delivered that line was a bit off for me. ofc, he follows it with “but not to me”, because he’s basically proposing to her, but i needed a bit more, an extra line from him confirming her importance. or maybe no extra line, but a bit more feeling. did i mention i love wrecked!kylo? the “please” killed me haha. 

Final thoughts:

- enjoyed it more than i expected to, and it does operate with way more nuance than TFA but it stiiiill fell short with some characters. it didn’t have the weight of rogue one for me, but it’s more lighthearted and entertaining, which i appreciate, cuz it reminded me of my childhood. and ultimately, whether we like it or not, disney does operate on nostalgia. all in all, it’s a worthy star wars movie, 8/10. rian deserves an A-. (he also wrote this thing and whoaaa...i wonder how much more ambiguous and dark this movie woulda been if he’d been given full non-disney freedom)

[skywalkersapprentice]

LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER aka my review of the last jedi

(spoilers)

Contrary to my feelings leading up to the force awakens, I was more nervous than completely excited for this film. I was so terrified that it wasn’t going to be good.

by the end of this movie, those fears had been soothed.

Bad Things(tm) 

it’s a shorter list than i thought it would be but it still exists

kylo ren’s entire existence annoys me. like i came out of tfa hating him and now i loathe him. 

thAt SHIRTLESS SCENE GOD I HATED THAT. it could have been so much worse and i’m grateful it wasn’t but jeez. i strongly echoed rey’s feelings of ‘put a shirt on’. 

the entire fucking force bond thing got on my nerves until i realized it was snoke’s fault. then it was okay. 

rey nobody. listen you guys, i’m all for the found family trope usually but you can pry rey skywalker out of my cold, dead hands. 

i feel like sometimes this movie didn’t know what it was doing with it’s plot. canto bight was beautiful, but that entire plot ultimately felt meaningless. 

same with luke’s purpose, i couldn’t.... really figure out the role he was supposed to be playing. 

some of the scenes on the island felt really fucking boring. 

why did hux slap finn like yeah mate we already know he’s an asshole

this was the biggest one for me- rey’s character. it could have been done so much better. she felt like she was aimlessly wandering around the island for half the movie and she deserved more than she got. i’m just thankful this is the middle act and that she’ll be back in the safe hands of jj abrams for the final movie. 

also finn and rey deserved a better reunion scene but the hug was adorable.

Good Things(tm)

this is a much longer list

ROSE TICO. omg i adore her???? she’s so awkward and tiny and charming. i spent most of the battle of crait thinking ‘omg please don’t die’ and i’m SO HAPPY she didn’t. i ended up not minding finnrose, which i thought i wouldn’t like. she and finn worked so well together.

LUKE THREW THE LIGHTSABER OFF THE CLIFF SDFGHGFDFGH I LAUGHED SO HARD. i immediately knew i was gonna like luke in this movie. 

also i dont’ wanna hear a word about ‘bad characterization’ when it comes to luke. it’s been 30 years since we saw him last and people change. 

i think it helps that i have read basically none of the post-rotj eu and so i had no expectations of what luke ‘should have’ been like. but anyway.

another thing i laughed so hard at: poe pretending not to know who hux was while he was speaking all pretentiously. that was hilarious. 

and then bb8 overextending himself trying to keep the ship working. bb8 was the silent hero of this movie and you all need to appreciate him.

CHEWIE AND THE PORGS. oh my godd when he was eating that one porg and then the rest of them show up with huge eyes and legitimately sad expressions. i was literally aww-ing. i’ve bought into the cute porg marketing. they made me smile every time they were onscreen. sue me. 

i really liked what luke had to say about the light side not ‘belonging’ to the jedi, because it’s true. time to think outside the box lads

rey looked so good in that jedi outfit

the golden four (finn, rose, rey and poe) all looked amazing tbh.

i almost liked kylo ren for one (1) second after he killed snoke and then he decided that he wanted to destroy the rest of the galaxy too and i was like Oh My God

also they made a bold move by killing snoke but i really liked that they did. now ren can step into position as the Main Villain, which is what he deserves. (no redemption arc bitch you’ve tried to murder everyone like twice)

also the way!!! snoke died!!!!! was so cool!!!! he could read ren’s intentions like a book, but the way ren deceived him into thinking that rey was his sworn enemy because ‘i can’t be betrayed’ was amazing. and this is coming from someone who despises kylo ren.

lmao @ hux and ren subtly fighting for control over their troops. i wouldn’t be surprised if hux eventually stabs ren in the back.

THAT SCENE WHERE REN AND REY BREAK ANAKIN’S LIGHTSABER

THAT WAS ABSOLUTELY BREATHTAKING

it would have more meaning if rey was also related to anakin but whatever

holy shit. the entire scene with yoda. i was silently squeeing into my hands the whole time.

this is the first time i have ever been happy to see yoda but oh. my god. that little troll cackling as he destroyed the early jedi texts (‘page turners, they were not’) was AMAZING. 

i almost forgot to mention but 

LEIA

USING THE FUCKING FORCE

TO SAVE HERSELF AND BRING HER BACK TO THE SHIP WHILE LOOKING LIKE A GODDAMN ANGEL

that was the first time the guy beside me offered me tissues. i was not okay.

also i love her dynamic with poe so much. and that scene where amilyn and leia are discussing him and amilyn says ‘i like him’ and leia goes ‘me too’ is so pure.

also leia and amilyn had one (1) scene together but it still managed to make me emotional. leia has lost so much and this was just one more thing, but their goodbye was good.

also i love my gay mom amilyn tbh. the luna lovegood comparisons were rolling in before the film and tbh i could see that! i’m so sad she had to die but what a fucking way to go. the entire theater was dead silent when she made that jump to hyperspace. 

i don’t think i’ve ever sworn this much in my life. whatever.

something i really liked that i didn’t expect to is how so close ren and rey came to leaving their respective sides. the lines between light and dark got so blurry in snoke’s throne room, but eventually what happened seemed to cement their respective positions, pushing them even further away from one another. it was cool.

leia marching onto the bridge of the command ship fresh from unconsciousness and stunning poe wow what an icon

also when will the gays learn to communicate i mean poe and amilyn come on

can we talk about that scene in the falcon when luke and artoo reunite :( omg. artoo still has leia’s old message and i personally want to die.

luke and leia’s (natural) force connection that spans half a galaxy!!!! ‘luke’ ‘leia’ i personally want to die (part 2)

canto bight looked straight out of the prequels and i was Living

i was also living for the way finn and rose destroyed it

“you have always been scum”. “rebel scum” THAT’S MY BOY I LOVE FINN

also there was something that finn said on crait while they were in the mine (i forget what it was) but poe and rose both looked at him like they were falling in love 

and also poe’s delight when seeing that finn and rose aren’t dead and immediately going ‘where’s my droid’ :( i love how much he loves bb8, it’s very reminiscent of anakin and artoo.

speaking of crait

LUKE FUCKING SKYWALKER

[INCOHERENT YELLING]

when the shadow appeared in the mine i was like..... omg. it can’t be. he wouldn’t.

and then it WAS and i realized that we were actually getting a leia and luke reunion, after i had convinced myself it wouldn’t happen, and then i started really crying. i don’t think i’ve ever cried like that at a movie before. i don’t even remember most of what was said, except for luke’s ‘no one is ever really gone’ (directed at leia, by then i was properly sobbing) and then the forehead kiss. i was a mess. the guy beside me offered me kleenex again.

That was, without a doubt, my favourite scene in the film. Luke and Leia got to say goodbye. I feel like that actually healed something in me that broke when carrie died last year. like, the movie was worth making just for that one fucking scene.

but then it got better.

when ren ordered all the walkers to fire on luke and then luke walked out unscathed someone in front of me actually clapped with glee. from the moment he ignighted his lightsaber, there was an energy of just joy in the theater, and you could tell that scene was exactly what everyone had wanted from luke.

AND THEN KYLO REN TRIED TO CUT HIM IN HALF AND IT DIDN’T FUCKING WORK

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE DELIGHTED

'amazing. everything you just said was wrong.’ YES LUKE YES

I can’t wait for luke to haunt ren from beyond the grave in episode 9. i don’t know how i feel about the fact that he’s dead, but it’s far from the sadness i felt when han died.

like rey and leia said- there was a sense of peace there.

I just. I just wish Leia could find that peace. She has lost absolutely everyone. And now the movie that was supposed to be about her can’t exist.

‘in loving memory of our princess carrie fisher’ made me halt on the steps and bring my hand to my mouth on the way out of the theater. i’d forgotten that would happen. :(

I don’t want to end this on a sad note. I really did like this movie. It’s not quite good enough for a 9 and i hesitate to rate it as low as a 7 so an 8 it is. 

Overall- better than i’d hoped. had some absolutely magical moments that made me remember why i love this franchise so much. there were some truly cool force-related moments, i love the golden four and luke skywalker is fucking awesome. kylo ren is fucking terrible, i wish this movie had progressed it’s characters a little and rey deserves to be a skywalker.

bring on episode nine. 

[placetobenation]

Welcome to Money In The Bank PPV Weekend!

Originally set for Baltimore, the PPV will be fought over two venues – the Performance Center in Orlando, Florida and the MITB matches from WWE Headquarters in Stamford, Connecticut.

BEST. MATCH. CONCEPT. EVER! #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/3JQoNVnJHu

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) May 9, 2020

For the first time ever, both the men’s and women’s match will be fought at the same time. Plus, instead of happening in the ring, they’ll start at the bottom of the WWE HQ and fight all the way to the roof where the two briefcases will be hung over to acquire.

It’ll be interesting to see how it plays out. Sure, they’ll be surprises along the way with other Superstars hidden around the HQ. No, I don’t think we’ll see anyone thrown off the roof as King Corbin suggested. But, it’ll be fun.

The MITB matches will be the stars. Expect Drew McIntyre vs. Seth Rollins to be a stand-out match to with some chaos to keep the feud going.

As of Saturday morning, here’s the card:

Men’s Money In The Bank Ladder Match: AJ Styles, Daniel Bryan, Aleister Black, Rey Mysterio, Otis, King Corbin

Women’s Money In The Bank Ladder Match: Nia Jax, Shayna Baszler, Asuka, Carmella, Dana Brooke, Lacey Evans

WWE Championship Match: Drew McIntyre vs. Seth Rollins

Universal Championship Match: Braun Strowman vs. The Fiend/Bray Wyatt

Smackdown Women’s Championship Match: Bayley vs. Tamina

SmackDown Tag Team Championship Fatal Four-Way Match: The New Day vs. The Miz & John Morrison vs. The Forgotten Sons vs. Lucha House Party

Jeff Hardy vs. Cesaro (kick-off)

R-Truth vs. MVP

Possible add – RAW Tag Team Championship: The Street Profits vs. The Viking Raiders

Predictions:

Men’s MITB – Aleister Black (2nd choice: AJ Styles)

Women’s MITB – Lacey Evans (2nd choice: Shayna Baszler)

WWE Championship – Drew McIntyre

Universal Championship – Braun Strowman

SmackDown Women’s Championship – Bayley

SmackDown Tag Team Championship – The Forgotten Sons

Sheamus interferes in Hardy match for DQ

Somehow R-Truth beats Rob Gronkowski for 24/7 Title

Star of the week:

𝖋𝖆𝖑𝖑 𝖆𝖓𝖉 𝖕𝖗𝖆𝖞. The end is here. #WWENXT @WWEKarrionKross @Lady_Scarlett13 pic.twitter.com/705SWI4MsK

— WWE (@WWE) May 7, 2020

Karrion Kross and Scarlett – While we are all looking for something different in this pandemic wrestling environment, KK and Scarlett gave it to us with an unbelievable entrance! Complete with smoke, singing and vivaciousness from Scarlett, it all exceeded expectations and led as a wonderful precursor to Kross’ dominance over Leon Ruff in his debut match. That’s they way you make new superstars get over and look strong!

RAW

RESULTS

Last Chance Money In The Bank Ladder Qualifying Match: AJ Styles defeated Humberto Carillo, Austin Theory, Angel Garza, Bobby Lashley, Shelton Benjamin, Akira Tozawa and Titus O”Neil

Shane Thorne & Brendan Vink defeated Ricochet & Cedric Alexander

Non-Title RAW Tag Team Title Match: The Viking Raiders defeated The Street Profits

Non-Title NXT Women’s Championship Match: Charlotte Flair defeated Liv Morgan

Non-Title WWE Championship Match: Drew McIntyre defeated Buddy Murphy

This week’s RAW just felt like I went on and on. With it being the “go-home” show for the MITB PPV Sunday, you would think there would be more of an urgency too it, but there wasn’t. Not that it was a bad show, it just felt like it dragged a bit.

One thing that has been a downer is the constant 50-50 booking from week-to-week. Take for instance, the team of Ricochet and Cedric Alexander. They look really good one week and then get beat the next. This week, they lost to Shane Thorne & Brendan Vink, a team they beat last week and honestly, a team that they shouldn’t be losing to on TV if they are going to be real contenders to The Street Profits.  The same can be said for the tag team champs, who lost, predictably, a non-title match to The Viking Raiders which you would think sets up a championship match at the PPV.

I’m all for teams and individuals looked good and getting a victory from time to time, but you’re not helping make the teams you need to be strong look strong. It doesn’t make sense making everyone happy with wins on TV. Getting them on LIVE events is one thing (not that there are any of those these days), but on TV where most of your people see them is another.

No one knows how far she'll go…@YaOnlyLivvOnce is giving it her ALL in this showdown with @WWENXT #WomensChampion @MsCharlotteWWE! #WWERaw pic.twitter.com/Q0OP9KA4R9

— WWE Universe (@WWEUniverse) May 5, 2020

What we did LOVE this week was Charlotte Flair vs. Liv Morgan. Giving Morgan a chance to shine over three segments with a promo and a really good match with the NXT Women’s Champion does wonders for her. No, she shouldn’t have one and I’m glad she didn’t, but it will help build her character for a later point and time.

The field is complete.@AJStylesOrg @reymysterio @WWEAleister @WWEDanielBryan @BaronCorbinWWE and @otiswwe will do battle in the Men's #MITB Ladder Match! #WWERaw pic.twitter.com/7y2PoN1gFa

— WWE (@WWE) May 5, 2020

The gauntlet match was what it was. AJ Styles coming back to earn the final spot in the MITB Men’s Match wasn’t that unexpected but helps the PPV with another solid contender. I thought the WWE missed a chance to have some fun though. Having Bobby Lashley DQ’d was laughable to begin with. But, by having Austin Theory and Angel Garza as part of the match, why not have them face-off to provide some angst and tension within the group? It would’ve been better than what we got, which was predictability. Zelina Vega’s reaction only would’ve been priceless!

The animosity is at a whole new level between #WWEChampion @DMcIntyreWWE and @WWERollins on the road to #MITB! #WWERaw pic.twitter.com/ruVOu5g5uu

— WWE (@WWE) May 5, 2020

Nice build-up for Drew McIntyre and Seth Rollins. Still don’t understand having interviews in the ring in front of no one, but they make even less sense when Charley Caruso doesn’t say anything for long stretches. Just make a production piece of it, those work better.

Overall, the WWE has to think of ways to attract more viewers as the 1.6 million viewers they got Monday night was another historic low.

NXT

RESULTS

Johnny Gargano defeated Dominik Dijakovic

Interim NXT Cruiserweight Tournament Match: Akira Tozawa defeated Jack Gallagher

Chelsea Green defeated Xia Li

Karrion Kross defeated Leon Ruff

NXT Women’s Championship Match: Io Shirai defeated Charlotte Flair by DQ – Flair retains title

Interim NXT Cruiserweight Tournament Match: Kushida defeated Jake Atlas

Cameron Grimes defeated Denzel Dejournette

NXT Championship Match: Adam Cole defeated The Velveteen Dream

Holy Karrion Kross and Scarlett! Now, THAT’S HOW YOU MAKE AN ENTRANCE!

Tick. Tock. Apocolypse. With the hype and the build-up, the duo still make a debut that was something different and exciting to watch! By far, the best thing on Wednesday night!

Johnny Gargano and Dominik Dijakovic gave us a strong, physical opener. NXT’s first couple (for the moment) swerved their way to victory with a Candice LeRae distraction to help her husband get the victory. Where Gargano’s next feud is coming from is a mystery at the moment but he and the Poison Pixie are making things interesting nonetheless.

We got expected wins from Mr. Winning Wednesday night Akira Tozawa (as opposed to his alter ego Mr. Losing Monday night) and Kushida in the interim NXT Cruiserweight matches. Both go 2-0 in the tourney and currently, both on top of their respective blocks. The tournament has been good with some of the best wrestling matches of the week. I wonder if they’ve made up their minds about Drake Maverick though.

Who will be Finn Balor’s attacker? We still don’t know, but we do know that Cameron Grimes didn’t do himself any favors by saying he could beat Balor up and will get decimated next week.

.@MsCharlotteWWE has had ENOUGH. #WWENXT #NXTWomensTitle @shirai_io pic.twitter.com/3Q1cV5OlCs

— WWE (@WWE) May 7, 2020

I like what they’re doing with Charlotte Flair. By taking on some new names on both RAW and NXT it almost has the feel of her father, Ric Flair traveling to the territories each week to take on the local top stars. Like her Dad, she makes them look good, gets the win most times and keeps the title. All good for business. This week, with a DQ loss to Io Shirai, it keeps a potential rematch alive and with Rhea Ripley’s return, sets up a nice three-person dynamic for a bit between the trio.

Love kept them together.

@AdamColePro retains his #NXTChampionship… and that boys and girls, that's UNDISPUTED. #WWENXT #AndStill pic.twitter.com/IWqSB8g58V

— WWE (@WWE) May 7, 2020

The NXT Championship Match between Adam Cole and The Velveteen Dream fell a little flat to me. I expected more from these two but it just didn’t click. Cole extends his historic NXT Championship reign (340 days on Wednesday) but the match really didn’t do much for me and needed the expected run-in from The Undisputed Era. The Velveteen Dream’s run at Cole hasn’t been all that memorable. Maybe it’s the lack of crowd to give it some emotion and feedback, but it just hasn’t worked.  Who’s next for Cole, maybe NXT North American Champ Keith Lee? That I wouldn’t mind seeing. There’s history there.

SMACKDOWN

RESULTS

Sonya Deville defeated Mandy Rose

The Miz & John Morrison & The Forgotten Sons defeated The New Day & Lucha House Party

Tamina & Lacey Evans defeated Bayley & Sasha Banks

King Corbin, Shinsuke Nakamura & Cesaro defeated Daniel Bryan, Drew Gulak & Otis

The go-home show to the MITB PPV was all about the set-up with a showcase on three tag-team matches. Before we get to those, let’s talk about the non-in ring stuff.

"Come back home." – @WWEBrayWyatt "I am home." – @BraunStrowman #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/41gLp7gWFF

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) May 9, 2020

Braun Strowman’s face-to-face with Bray Wyatt fell kind of flat. It was nice to see Wyatt in person, but it was the same ol’ you started with me and I want your belt back-and-forth. Nothing new here to make me want to be invested in the storyline.

As expected, Jeff Hardy returned to SmackDown and as expected, Sheamus confronted him. That was pretty good stuff between the two veterans. We should expect that match to be added to the MITB PPV this weekend.

That trash talk from @SonyaDevilleWWE tho' #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/GzjkPyGUoH

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) May 9, 2020

I thought the best part of the show was the opener between Sonya Deville and Mandy Rose. Letting these go at it no only with the physical style in (and out of) the ring, but with the banter while they do it, this was very good to watch. I hope they keep it up.

 As for the tag team matches, we got some very good action. Really enjoyed the 8-man match between those fighting for the SmackDown tag team championship Sunday. Plus, it was good that that The Miz & John Morrison got some street crede back with a win. Still, with some tensions with The Forgotten Sons, it sets up for an exciting match for The New Day to defend the titles.

The women’s tag match went pretty much according to schedule with Tamina looking like a contender for Bayley’s SmackDown Championship, although it’s very unlikely she’ll beat Bayley.

Can King @BaronCorbinWWE become the first Superstar to win King of the Ring and #MITB in the same calendar year? #SmackDown pic.twitter.com/BWkch7qYwB

— WWE on FOX (@WWEonFOX) May 9, 2020

In the main event, the heels got over as King Corbin ended up atop the ladder to end the night. We, of course, in McMahon comedic style, got Otis breaking a ladder as he tried to climb it. I don’t expect either Corbin or Otis to be at the heights on Sunday either.

And oh yeah, the Hacker is still watching us. Payback is coming!

Parting shots:

With the Country starting to open up more and more things, I expect the wrestling world to push the envelope. But, here in the Northeast, they’re already canceling things through Labor Day. One of the things to fall by the wayside will be SummerSlam in Boston. State officials have already said no large gatherings before September 7th.  So, expect an alternative plan there for the WWE. Maybe we’ll get it back in Boston next year.

It was nice to see Roman Reigns address that he’s not at the WWE events due to making sure his new kids are healthy. I applaud him for that. Making sure your family is safe is always first priority. I wish the WWE would just address the situation honestly on TV as well.  

Thanks for letting us share our thoughts! Shoot me an email at jcrowe567@gmail.com. We’d love to hear your comments and suggestions! You can also check out my blog, The Crowe’s Nest as we delve into more pro wrestling, sports entertainment and the World of Sports. My apologies ahead of time – I AM a Patriots and Red Sox fan! If you’re not down with that, I’ve got TWO WORDS for you… NEW ENGLAND!