#Takes on unhealthy amount of workload

[pentragonart]

dos this still count as Olruggiomemes?

[haikyuufanficwriting]

Chapter 8: Ushijima

Prompt: Reader falls asleep on Character’s shoulder Character: Ushijima _________________

Since starting your third year at Shiratorizawa Academy, you can’t remember the last time you’ve gotten a proper amount of sleep.

Much less sleep in general.

Being in such a prestigious school, of course the workload would be bigger than any average high school. You just didn’t expect to be struggling this hard.

Back in middle school, you remember being levels above your peers. Maybe it was the hours your parents spent drilling you at home, or just natural talent, but you’re pretty confident that your reputation half brought you here.

But as you would learn, reputation and talent could only take you so far.

With your house being way too far to walk or bus, your parents allowed you to stay in one of the schools many dorms. While you were ecstatic about your new freedom, it did have some pitfalls.

Pitfalls being that your study habits were only enforced by your parents. So as any normal teenager would, you started to become lazy. And your grades began to slip.

Fortunately for you, there was rule where students had to obtain a certain average by the end of the year, or they would be kicked. That rule definitely blew some smoke up your ass, because during your first and second year, you did your absolute best to keep above that average. Which you did. Fairly well, too.

But entering your third and final year, you were just so tired. All of the motivation and strength seemed to vanish the harder your classes became. You couldn’t understand your subjects, which lead the unhealthy habit of pulling all nighters, trying to grasp the material on your own.

Eventually, your sleeping schedule had become so messed up that you were only powering on coffee and instant noodles just to get through the school day. And like a deadly cycle, certain classes and concepts were harder to comprehend the longer your brain was starved of sleep.  

One example being. Advanced Functions.

For the life of you, you just couldn’t seem to understand anything in that class. No matter how hard you tried to concentrate, tried to focus, it was always in one ear out the other. The textbook seemed so convoluted that it only managed to confuse you further, so studying on your own was a no go.

Needless to say, you weren’t even close to passing this class, and final exams were coming soon. You absolutely needed to do well in this, or else you’d get a letter sent home to your parents, and you can’t even imagine what they’d do to you.

Thankfully, your teacher had the same thought. After class ended, he called you over to his desk.

“I’ve asked a student in this class if they’d be willing to tutor you. I haven’t told them anything about your grades, just that you need some help. They’re available to work with you on Tuesdays in the library. Will that be alright with you?” You manage to keep your face passive and devoid of any emotion. Honestly, you weren’t exactly keen to be tutored, but with your grades this low, you’re really don’t have any other choice other than to throw away your pride and bite the bullet.

“Yes, thank you Sensei, that would be perfect.” You bow and make your exit, having your respectful smile drop the second your face is out of view. You sigh heavily as you made your way to your dorm.

You just hope whoever’s tutoring you can help make sense of this nonsense.

~~

Ushijima was a busy man. Key word was. After losing to Karasuno, the time he needed spend in the gym was significantly less than before. Of course, he went to the gym to practice regularly anyways, working on anything and everything to improve. But, after the coach found out, he told Ushijima to relax and take a break, claiming that he should take this time to rest and relax. Just for a couple weeks, and to take time focusing on his studies.

The only problem was, he didn’t need to focus on his studies. Or relax. He already had highest marks in most of his classes, and stress had never been an issue for him. While most ordinary students could study everything under two hours, he could. While most couldn’t function with five or less hours of sleep, he did. Ushijima had gotten so used to his hectic timetable, that having a huge chunk of it missing was extremely odd to him. Like he didn’t know what to do with himself.

“This is your time to find a hobby, Wakatoshi-kun.” Tendou had told him, to which he only tilted his head in confusion.

“But I do have a-”

“One that isn’t volleyball.” That made him pause. A hobby… That wasn’t volleyball?

Was there really anything?

If there was, he couldn’t think of one.

“How do I find a hobby?” He asks, causing Tendou to hum.

“You gotta try different things out. See if you like it or not.” Ushijima nods, absorbing the advice. It was good advice, but it did bring up an important question.

What’s one thing he could try?

That stuck with him, circling his head for the rest of the day. There seemed to be too many and none all at once. Even if he did find some that seemed interesting, which would he do first? Could he do multiple at once to become more efficient? What if he liked a new hobby but had to stop due to his schedule becoming normal again? If that’s a possibility, what was even the point of trying to find something new?

Ushijima was close to exploding with all the questions that he couldn’t answer and was about to call Tendou again for help, at least until his advanced functions teacher called him to his desk.

“Ushijima-kun, I need your help with something. There’s a student in this class, (Name), who needs a little help understanding the material. Since your season is over and you’re fairly good at the subject, do you think you could help her out?”

As if the gods heard his cries for help, an opportunity had dropped on his lap. But did tutoring count as a hobby? It seemed like a commitment too…

‘You gotta try different things out. See if you like it or not.’ Tendou’s words ring in Ushijima’s head. Well, if he had to try different things out, this seemed like a good start. With the thought being the final push, he agrees with a solemn nod.

“I don’t have a problem with it.”

~~

You jerk awake from the bell ringing loudly in your ear. You confusedly look around to see students getting up and collecting their items around you, signaling in your brain that you must’ve fallen asleep in class again, and you slept through yet another lecture.

Guess I’ll be staying up late again…

You yawn, standing and picking up your bag before making your way out of the class, about to go the cafeteria, at least until you feel your phone vibrating in your pocket.

Was someone calling you?

Confused, you pull it out to hear a soft alarm and text across your screen in dark bold letters reading ‘Tutoring today at the library!’ causing your eyes to widen. You had completely forgotten about it! You let out a slur of curses as you rush up the stairs to the library, hoping that you didn’t make your tutor wait too long.

Practically slamming the library door open, you speed walk to the study area of the library, searching the students that littered the desks, seeing if you recognized anyone from your class. You stand there for a couple minutes longer than necessary, with your extremely heavy eyelids making it considerably difficult to scan peoples faces, but after not seeing anyone at first glance, you start to walk around the area. You don’t know how much time passes until someone calls out to you.

“(Name)-san.” The deep voice makes you jump far harder than it should’ve, with you almost dropping your school bag. You collect yourself as fast as you could and turn your head to the sound, finding none other than the star of the school.

Ushijima Wakatoshi.

Your brain blanks as you continue to stare at him, your mind too tired and too shocked to put together sentences. After a couple minutes of silence, he tilts his head, clearly waiting for your response. That manages to kick your brain into gear.

“Wakatoshi-san.” Your voice is meek, and your face flushes at how stupid you sound. If Ushijima sees your cringe, he doesn’t acknowledge it.

“I’m glad I found you. I thought for a moment you had forgotten about our session.” His comment confirms your suspicions, but it only manages to disorientate you further.

You just never would’ve assumed that the Ushiwaka, the ace and captain of this powerhouse school, was wasting his time tutoring you. You mean, you’re not entirely surprised he was picked to help, he was one of the smartest in your class, (You’re fairly certain he’s a robot, how could someone be so good at everything?) but you just thought he would be way too busy to help anyone.

You also thought with his personality he wouldn’t want to help anybody. Honestly, you’re just confused as to why he even agreed to help you at all. Maybe to put it on his resume?

You don’t know, you assumed that being a prodigy in sport was enough, but you digress.

“Come, I’ve already set up a table.” He motions you to follow him, and with a soft ‘alright’, you follow him to a more secluded part of the study area, with a single desk surrounded by bookshelves, each stocked to the brim with dusty old books. On the desk was you assume his study books and utensils neatly organised. Of course he was a neat freak.

You sit in the chair just across from his, feeling your body almost go limp in exhaustion the second you sit down. You wait until he settles himself and opens one of his books. Your brain once more begins to fail you as you stupidly watch him flip through pages, basically falling asleep with your eyes open. You don’t even realize until you hear a sharp knock on the table.

“(Name)-san?” The voice suddenly comes into focus and you snap up. “Y-yes?”

“Aren’t you going to pull out your books?” Ushijima asks, face stoic as ever. You stutter out a slightly slurred reply as you open your school bag and search for your books.

Only to not find your math books, but your biology books. You scrunch your nose in confusion. It takes your brain a couple of seconds to realize what you did.

You switched your books on accident.

Oh, how badly you want to curl up and cry right now.

Not only was it embarrassing to have one the most popular boys in school tutor you, but to also act like a total ditz was almost too much for you to take. It’s almost like the gods want to mess with you for shits and giggles at this point.

You have to slowly put your bag down, and look back to your tutor, who’s been staring at you for the past few minutes now.

“Wakatoshi-san, I just realized I brought the wrong books by accident. I’m sorry but I’ll have to go back to my dorms to get the right ones.” You give him what you hope is an apologetic smile and begin to stand up, until his voices rings in your ear once more.

“That’s not necessary.” You pause.

“Excuse me?”

“We’ve already wasted enough time as it is. I have no problem sharing my books for this session.” With that he pulls out the chair right next to him and offers the seat.

You’re pretty sure almost every girl would kill to be in your position right now. You can’t stop the blush that forms on your tired face.

“Oh-uh… ah, thank y-you.” You finally managed to get out, wanting to slap yourself subconsciously as you take the seat next to him. The second you sit down; your overworked brain is hit by so many things at once.

He smells nice. Like really nice. You definitely wouldn’t mind curling up to that. Not to mention, his warmth.

You can feel the warmth coming off him in waves.

Sleeping next to that would be so comforting…

You’re snapped out of your thoughts again when you hear a textbook being slid over to you. If you were a little more awake then you are now, you would realize how intimate this was. Sharing a book caused you to be a lot closer than necessary, but of course with you being sleep deprived and Ushijima being Ushijima, neither of you commented.

“So, what are you having troubles in?” He asked, and you go to answer, only to be met with emptiness.

You were so confused; you didn’t even know what you were confused about. You mentally kick yourself. That’s a new low.

Of course, not wanting the captain to know how much a dumbass you were, you responded, “The first couple chapters really messed with me.” Which isn’t a lie, you just didn’t mention the rest of the chapters that messed you up as well. He nods and goes to the beginning. Then begins to explain the main concepts of the chapters.

“A polynomial function has specific characteristics that define them from another other kind of function. With those characteristics being a domain of real numbers, a possibility of the range being restricted by both upper and lower bounds, and these functions do not have horizontal…”

You hear his words turn into nothing but mixed sounds as he continued to explain. As much as you tried to focus, you feel your eyelids becoming impossible heavy. You were trying, you really were, even pinching yourself ever once in a while and biting the inside of your mouth as hard as possible, but with Ushijima’s voice this low and soothing, you were fighting a losing battle. You didn’t expect that when he wasn’t scaring you out of sleep, that his voice was actually extremely nice to listen too.

Not to mention his unexpected but totally welcomed comforting aura, his warmth, his smell and the quiet atmosphere, they were all begging you to let go and leave the realm of the conscious. While you were too busy fighting the war, Ushijima was too focused on the book and pointing out examples that he didn’t even realize.

You only manage to last a couple more minutes, until you see nothing but long awaited black.

~~

“…Then there’s quartic, quintic, so on and so forth. There are polynomials bigger than these, but the likely not to appear on the exam so we don’t have to cover them. Between these main five functions there are subdivision that we can also use to characterize them, for example-” Ushijima is cut off by a warm pressure falling on his arm. He turns confused to find you, positively knocked out and now using his arm as a pillow. His thought process is cut off.

Well this is… a development.

Ushijima figured you were tired. In fact, he had known for a long time, that you weren’t getting the sleep you needed. Just a quick glance in class, or talking to you, your slurred speech and heavy eyes, made it easy for anybody to figure out. However, he didn’t think it was to the point of passing out anywhere and everywhere.

He’d be impressed if he wasn’t inherently worried.

He been around people who were sleep deprived, previous senpais and enthusiastic kouhai’s who couldn’t get enough of volleyball, and it does terrible things to brain. Once it had been the point of someone ending up in the hospital.

Ushijima watched you with worried thoughts swirling his mind, as you had a look of absolute comfort on your face, even sleepily nuzzling your face into his arm, which caused him to stare at you a couple seconds above normalcy.

His slightly weird stare was cut off by the bell, which did put his thoughts back into gear. What was he supposed to do? Wake you? Call a teacher?

Well, one things for sure, he couldn’t just leave you here.

So, seeing this as the best course of action, he attempted to wake you.

“…(Name)-san…” He said gently, nudging you with the arm you were sleeping on, you made some sounds of discomfort, before rubbing you nose into his arm again and falling back to sleep.

It was almost cute. Almost.

“(Name)-san.” Ushijima says with a little more finality, which does cause you stir a little more, even causing you to open your eyes a little, but he could tell you were far from awake.

“She’ll be right with you.” You breathe out, which does make Ushijima lips quirk up the tiniest bit.

“(Name)-san, you have to wake up.” He’s reached his regular loudness now, hoping that he wouldn’t have to raise it higher to get you to wake. Thankfully, you manage to open your eyes fully, but is was safe to say that you weren’t completely conscious. You were almost like in a drunken state, with your pupils blown wide and the dazed expression you wore. Looking at you, Ushijima then decided what he needed to do. He couldn’t possibly let you go to class like this, not when you needed something so vital to the brain.

He grabs you by the shoulders to bring your head off him, making sure you don’t wobble too much. Once he’s sure you won’t bang your head on the table, he gets up and starts to collect your things.

“Hm? Is the session over?” You slur, eyes have lidded as you watch him pick up your bag.

“Yes.”

“Did I do well?” You ask with a tired smile, clearly not remembering what happened. Or what didn’t happen. For reasons even he didn’t know, Ushijima decides to humor you.

“Yes.” You raise your arms in the air in happiness, letting out an excited ‘yay!’ in a shushed voice, which Ushijima is extremely grateful for, as he didn’t want to cause a ruckus in the library.

He turns back to you. “Can you stand?” His question turns your mood for some reason, and you huff like a child. “’Course I can stand! Who d’you take me for?” And very quickly, as if to prove your point, you stand from your seat, only for your mind to spin and knees to wobble. Out of reflex to stop you from falling, Ushijima grabs your waist to steady you.

You two stand like that for a while, with your bodies a lot closer than they should’ve been. After what felt like an eternity, you break out into a goofy yet proud smile.

“See? Told ya I could stand.” Ushijima face is passive at best and remains silent. Only giving you a nod while he grabs his stuff along with yours as you two make it out of the library. He holds onto your waist to make sure you don’t fall when walking, but when he secures that you can walk, albeit a little slow, he still doesn’t let go. Walking through the halls and out to the dorms you both we’re met with a lot of stares. And whispers.

Not that either of you noticed.

After he’s exited the school and begins to walk to the girl’s dorms.

“What is your dorm number?” Ushijima asks, for you to snap out of whatever trance you were in.

“Uhhh… red… I think…” He looks at you, visibly confused.

“What?” You look at him back, clearly trying to think through the mess that was your brain.

“Wait… What did you ask me?” Ushijima has to keep in a sigh.

“Your dorm number.”

“Oh… That’s… Uhh… four…thirty-one.” You say.

“(Name)-san, there’s only two floors.” You two now stand in the front of the girls’ dorms, and since it was lunch hour, the likelihood that someone would be there, was considerably low, which did save Ushijima the explanation. You try to articulate a proper answer, but your brain this melted, Ushijima didn’t really have high hopes. So instead, he let go of you for a second, to read the names on the lists of the many mailboxes that littered the entrance hall. After a couple minutes, he found your name.

“208.” He says. Not even close. He watches the look of realization appear on your face.

“Ohhh, yeah that’s right!” He doesn’t hold back the sigh this time, grabbing your hand, and bringing you up to your dorm. Surprisingly, the dorm is unlocked, but you must’ve forgotten to lock it this morning when you left. He opens it and leads you in. You just follow in after him and just stare, clearly not knowing what to do.

Ushijima drops your things on your desk and takes you and sits you on your lower bunk bed.

“You should stay here and rest. You don’t have to worry about your next class, I’ll go and tell your teacher that you’re not feeling well.” He tells you, but like before, you just stare at him, telling him its just going in one ear and out the other. Out of the corner of his eye, he’s spots a random notepad and pencil. Ushijima turns away from you and takes the notepad and pencil.

“I’ll just write this down for you, so you can read it when you are in a correct state of mind. I hope you can learn to have a proper sleep schedule, it’s extremely vital to your health and not sleeping is actually- ” When he turns to you again to place the note, he finds you just as before. Knocked out on your bed, not even lifting your legs from the ground.

Ushijima watches you again for more than he cared to admit, before taking his stuff and leaving your room.

And to think he just wanted to try something new…

~~

You slowly open your eyes, to find yourself on your bed and still in uniform. You sit up, confusion hitting you hard.

How did I get here? What day is it? What time is it? How long did I sleep for?

You started panicking a little, at least until you spot a piece of folded paper on your nightstand. Curious, you open it.

(Name)-san, you fell asleep during our session, and I didn’t feel it was acceptable to leave you, so I brought you back to your dorm. I told your teachers that you weren’t feeling well, so please feel free to relax and rest. I strongly recommend that you get a proper sleep schedule, as what you are doing is dangerous.

We’ll continue our tutoring next Tuesday, hopefully you should feel better by then.

Ushijima Wakatoshi

You might just have cardiac arrest.

[senjuushi]

Master who works themselves to the bone - only really getting sleep when they pass out - F, Marks, ninety, seig, like2, Gras.

F

The only way F can think to help is by offering his usual brand of "stress relief"— and likely making the situation worse in the process. It's really none of his business if you're pushing yourself too hard, and yet, there's some frustratingly desperate urge to make things better that refuses to go away. Maybe it's just a need to be useful, but F somehow can't make himself stop trying. At least you're not taking advantage of him for it.

Marks

As soon as he realizes that your workload is unhealthy, Marks becomes very annoying. He won't leave you alone, constantly trying to "be helpful" and assist with any tasks that he might be capable of. Though his attention borders on suffocating, he's so eager to be of use that it's hard to turn him away. At the very least, he'll be bringing you regular meals and all but dragging you off to bed when he's decided his precious Master is too tired.

Ninety

He understands that what you're doing isn't good for you, but also has no idea how he could help. Ninety wants to be a good dog, the kind that can help you relax and feel better after your work is done, but overcoming his reflexive anxiety enough to approach you is difficult. Chances are, he'll end up lying at your feet, sometimes nervously pawing at your ankle in a silent attempt to communicate that you should take a break from your work.

Siegblut

Admittedly, Siegblut tends to do the same thing. Still, it's different for weapons! He'll try to scold you for overworking yourself, but no amount of insistence that you'd be wasting the life force that he'll need to use up hides the fact that he's worried. Though he's furious with himself for caring so much, the lingering thought that he should be doing more (so you don't have to push yourself so hard) never leaves his mind. Maybe he could help...?

Like2

As much as he hates it, it's almost instinctive for Like2 to try to stop you from working yourself sick. He's so used to keeping an eye on his useless, broken brother that he's surprisingly good at knowing when you need to quit. Expressing honest concern has him red-faced and short-tempered, but the embarrassment is easily outweighed by the overwhelming need to keep his Master safe. He feels stupid, but maybe he could actually help.

Gras

He doesn't want to care. Your workload is your business— as a weapon, he has his own matters to attend to. And yet, every time he sees you passed out from exhaustion at your desk, Gras is hit with a stab of concern that he absolutely loathes. He ends up "coincidentally" finding reasons to tear you away from your work when you're overwhelmed, though they're always passed off as selfish whims rather than the all-too-vulnerable truth.

[nights-at-crystarium]

Fragments - episodes 1-3 author notes

A sort of an analysis post, rambling about the stuff I’m trying to imply in my comic. Read and see how much you’ve noticed or missed :>

Starting with the obvious parallels.

Raha’s expectations vs reality.

Our Warrior is, indeed, unfortunately, not what he seems.

^ In this scene Vivi’s genuinely enjoying himself, getting that sweet revenge on the owner of that disembodied voice.

In this scene, however, he’s not only amused, but also overplaying a bit out of sheer pettiness. “Oh it’s THAT guy again, let’s show him his place”.

It’s not too important to point out in the comic, but the laughter scene does stretch on for long enough to consider that Vivi may not be 100% genuine here.

It goes unnoticed by both parties, but Vivi’s less-than-valiant behavior effectively shatters whatever wall could’ve initially been between them. Now they’re equal.

And not only Raha doesn’t feel any reverent tremble before the hero of Eorzea anymore, he all but hisses at Vivi, scared that he’d go around telling everyone about his shame.

Which never happens!

Everyone around them is confused by Vivi’s sudden outburst and their cryptic exchange of? Threats? Promises? Whatever that was?

Again, they don’t notice that yet but you’re allowed to know that they’re kinda on the same wavelength, sharing one braincell. By “don’t you-” Raha means “don’t you fucking tell them about me landing in the river”, and “shh, we’re good, I’d never” from Vivi is a reassurance that he didn’t, and won’t. A shared secret’s still a bonding material, even if it’s this ridiculous.

Their exchanges overall are rather short during the entire ARR arc because, take it or leave it, they don’t have much in common yet. Not much to talk about. However their sass and mischief are colliding in explosions.

A bit of a break from the lyrical mood, look at these defeated ixal. I’ve looked up their refs, rolled up my sleeves and then decided to just not x’D

I’m incredibly proud of this frame.

Like seriously it turned out so good composition-wise. Also the lance! You won’t find it ingame, not in this game at least - it’s a guild wars sunspear. A bit of an easter egg and a cheeky reference to the sun, Azem, yadda. Vivi doesn’t keep this spear for too long, I’m not even sure if I’ll draw it again. Next time he carries a weapon on-screen it’s a new one, completely original because I don’t like any ingame lance :’>

Also a random semi-related fact: Vivi’s gridanian! So Raha unknowingly chooses the worst possible matchup. Pretending an elemental or whatever he thought he sounded like, should I even mention hiding in the GREEN TREES as a REDHEAD.

The first scene takes place on a summer night.

Not sure if I could convey “summer” somehow but it’s not that important. I just wanted to go all in on the ShB foreshadowing. And I personally associate Vivi with a summer night. Midsummer. Fae. Wait, it’s way too early for that-

Thank you for reading the comic, I’ve been working on it for over a month now, with maybe one day off per week, that’s how excited I am. This workload could be unhealthy in the long run, so I’ll try to keep the updates within 5-6 pages/10-12 frames from now on. Still quite an amount to dish out in one week, but otherwise I wouldn’t reach their “endgame” even in 5 years. Well, I’m just starting out and seeing what works best for me. I took this month off work to fully dedicate to the comic and see where it lands me money-wise, but I’ll have to go back to adoptable-making in September. My monthly needs are ~$1400, comic currently makes ~200 ;w; But again it’s too early to judge, I’m hoping that more people join patreon or kofi.

[miastideclock]

nightfood, bang chan

nightfood ˈnīt 'füd

noun noun: nightfood; plural noun: nightfood

a night meal, typically a greasy or unhealthy one. one is typically extremely intoxicated when consuming night food.

“we have to get nightfood after the club.”

origin: i just made it the fuck up.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

word count: 8.3k warnings: original character (she/her - afab - long, dark hair), mentions of food, mentions of alcohol, strong language, not edited even a little bit.

i was just gonna write down an idea i had, and seven hours later i had accidentally written the whole thing, idk this is stupid and came to me in a fever dream i had without having a fever :)

Cast,

Mila 24, adventurous drunk. Favorite nightfood includes gyros and tandoori baguettes.

Chan 25, borderline sloppy drunk. Favorite nightfood includes fried chicken and an obnoxious amount of orange soda.

Changbin 23, dancing and giddy drunk. Favorite nightfood includes sweet potato fries and chilli mayo.

Jisung 22, gotta peel him off the walls typa dunk. Favorite nightfood includes pizza with questionable toppings.

Lights were flashing, the intense beat of the music shaking the floor under the feet of the people on the dance floor. The venue was packed full of people wanting to enjoy the event of the night; a DJ from out of town. Raving and hyping each other up, going absolutely crazy on the floor was something Mila had gotten used to by now, as the DJ was at the club once a month, and she happened to work there.

On her side of the bar, the energy was a bit different. Just like the drunken crowd, her heartbeat was high and sweat was beading around her hairline, but unlike the partiers, she was rushing and stressing enough for her entire head of hair to turn grey.

“Six tequila shots and a beer!” "Absolutely not, I’m cutting you off."

“Jack and coke!” "Did I say it was your turn to order?"

“Can you make me a custom drink?” "I would love to say yes if there weren’t a hundred and fifty other people in line right now. NEXT!"

Holding three glasses in one hand, she made the vodka-redbulls that had been ordered within twelve seconds, all while taking the next order. Grabbing two bottles by their neck, she filled shot glasses upon shot glasses, handing them out to the patrons.

On the other side of the club, a three member group entered, looking around at the scene ahead of them. Chan, Jisung and Changbin had heard about tonight's event and decided to stop by to check out the energy. The club they found themselves at wasn’t usually their go-to as it was a bit of a distance from the city center, but going once in a while didn’t mind them. Without as much as talking between themselves, they beelined for the bar, as that was what they always did when they entered a club. Drink first, dancing and other shenanigans second. Chan lead the way, despite him most likely not getting anything at the bar. He usually opted for a soft drink or just some water as he didn’t love the taste of alcohol.

Not after long, they were the next in line, keeping their attention on the barkeep so they would be ready to order when they were next. What they didn’t expect however, was for the bartender to be as skilled and efficient as she was. She was around their age, maybe closer to Chan than Jisung, but not far off; and they could all admit she was beautiful. Her dark hair was tied up, a few flyaways and baby hairs sticking to the back of her neck, and her skin had a slight shine, both probably due to sweat. The three boys were all in awe as she held six bottles of beer in her arms, uncapping them at the speed of light with her bar-blade and placing them in the iced bucket on the bar. The guest in front of them took the bucket and left, leaving them to order next.

“What can I get you boys?” She asked. She didn’t smile, but she wasn’t by any means mean mugging them. She was tired from the hectic workload, and that much they could respect.

“Two vodka-redbulls please.” Jisung ordered for him and Changbin, tapping his card on the terminal when the bartender let him know it was ready for him. In record time, she had grabbed to glasses, filled them with the correct amount of alcohol, iced them, and topped them with the energy-drink of choice. Changbin grabbed the glasses as she handed them over, and they left the bar as soon as they could, not wanting to be in the way of the next patron. What the two boys didn’t expect, was for the next patron to be Chan.

“Trouble you for a GT?” He ordered, the girl in the bar nodding as she made the drink while putting his order into her machine to let him pay. Jisung raised an eyebrow and looked over to Changbin who seemed to be equally confused. Chan then stepped over to them with his drink in hand, and together they found a table.

“So you drinking tonight?” Changbin stated the obvious, waiting for Chan to explain himself. It wasn’t that he wasn’t allowed, but he usually gave the boys a heads up if he was gonna end up drinking. Chan returned a sheepish smile and took a sip of his drink, grimacing as he did so. “Not gonna lie to you boys, the bartender got me all turned around. I guess I just wanted to talk to her.” He admitted, then adding on that his drink of choice wasn’t the greatest. If you don’t like the taste of alcohol, you don’t usually order a gin and tonic.

The two other just chuckled at him, cheers-ed, and then got to partying.

After a solid ninety-minute rush, the bar finally quieted down a little bit. There were now few enough guests that Mila no longer had to rush at a million miles per hour, and rather could actually enjoy her work. So when a couple of girls ordered pornstar martinis, she decided to have a bit of fun with it. Instead of just grabbing the bottle and pouring the vodka into her shaker, she flipped the bottle and caught it with her bottom shaker tin, letting the right amount of alcohol pour out before she grabbed it and put it back in her speedrail. Flair had always been something she loved, both because it was fun and cool, and also because you could get insane tips from it. She continued on like this until the drinks had been strained and presented with a shot of champagne on the side.

“Wow,” it came from the next person in line when the two girls left with their drinks. Mila looked at him and recognised him as the gin and tonic guy. “Impressive.” She thanked him with a smile, then asked what she could get him. “Anything that means you can throw more bottles. Also two more vodka-redbulls for my friends, please.” He grinned, to which she returned the grimace. She entered the drinks in her system so he could pay, and then started the drink. A lynchburg lemonade was an easy flair, so Mila got to work. All while Chan stood there amazed at her actions, asking her a few questions about how long she had been doing this, etc.

“These are for you. Enjoy!” She smiled at him as she placed the three drinks in front of him. He gave her a quick thanks and a dimpled smile. Mila had to admit it was pretty cute, and internally wished he would come back to her section of the bar. It was a nightclub after all, so she was by no means the only bartender there, so it wouldn’t surprise her if they went to one of her coworkers and she never saw him again.

Her worries didn’t last for long though, as he was soon back, ordering more drinks. The brunette boy had only been served two drinks as far as she was concerned, and he didn’t seem drunk by far, but he did have a slight flush to his pale cheeks. More drinks were ordered, more drinks were made, and he was on his merry way. About ten or eleven visits from the guy, and two hours later, Mila could tell he had had enough to drink. He was slurring his words and it seemed his eyes wouldn’t fully open. It must have gotten to him all at once, cause it wasn’t that long ago he was standing in front of her cracking jokes and being all charming, making playful comments about taking her out for dinner.

“Two long island ice teas please.” He managed to get out trying to tap his card on the terminal before he was even done talking. Milas eyebrows pulled together in a concerned expression, tilting her head slightly. ”I’m sorry, sweetheart. How about a glass of water instead?” She offered, trying to defer him away from ordering more alcohol. He squinted at her, looking like he was thinking about the world's most existential question before he gave her a short nod. While she grabbed a plastic cup and filled it with ice and water, he started to sway gently back and forth, having to hold onto the bar to stop. She gave him the water and asked him to stay at the bar while he drank it. He did as he was asked and stayed put while he sipped the cold drink. Without leaving her position, Mila managed to wave over one of the runners on the floor, asking her to go grab the two guys she pointed at. Mila remembered them as this guys friends, so thought maybe they could be of assistance.

The two boys were soon over at the bar with their buddy, smiling at the bartender. ”You came with him, right?” She asked, to which they confirmed her suspicions. ”Yeah, why? Did he do something?” The shorter one of the two asked, Mila quickly shaking her head no, making sure that they knew their friend hadn’t caused any trouble. Yet, at least.

“No, but to be frank, he is probably going to be escorted out by security soon considering the level of intoxicated he is. So I was just going to suggest you maybe got him safely home?” She tried to come across as caring and as kindly as she could. She actually did care, but she also knew that drunk people have a tendency to take things the wrong way if you’re not crystal clear. The two boys then switched their attention from Mila to their friend, analysing his state. It didn’t take long for them to also see that he was much too drunk.

“Oh shit, yeah. You’re totally right. Thank you so much for letting us know, and have a great rest of your evening!” One of them told her and wrapped his arm over the drunk boys shoulder, leading him out of the club.

Once Jisung and Changbin had finally managed to get the very drunk Chan out of the venue and out into the cold air, Jisung let go of his grip around Chans shoulders. Chan stumbled a bit, almost falling onto the pavement, but caught himself last minute. “Why did we leave? I wanted more drinking of the alcohol!” He drunkenly whined, dragging out most of the words as he slurred. The two less intoxicated boys chuckled at their friend as they all started walking.

“They were closing. We had to leave.” Jisung replied, lying his ass off, just so Chan would stop pouting. This worked like a charm as Chan instantly understood and returned back to his overly happy and excited, drunk self. “Come now, let’s go get some nightfood from that deli we walked by earlier.”

Then they were on their way. The air was cool against their heated skin, warm from both the alcohol in their systems and from dancing for hours upon end. It was mid summer, so even though it was just around three thirty when they had gotten their nightfood and sat down in the empty parking lot outside the deli, the sun was slowly rising in the east.

That same sunrise held Mila company as she exited the bar after closing, making sure all the gates were locked before she walked away. It was a decent walk from her workplace to where she had parked her car, so she had plenty of time to watch the sky explode into a million different shades of orange, pink and red. After the fifteen minute walk, she got in her car and drove home with her windows down, enjoying the cool late night - early morning air. It had been an exhausting shift considering they had been two bartenders short, but she had made it out alive, and that was really all she asked. Tired feet dragged her from her car to her front door, but instead of inserting her keys into said door and letting herself in, she turned to face the sun and leaned against the door. A short minute of bright sunlight on her face was all she needed to feel rejuvenated from a shift like that.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

It had been three weeks since the boys had been clubbing, having to drag Chan out of the club before he made a fool of himself. Correction, more of a fool of himself. The morning after their outing, Chan had woken up on Changbins couch not only with a raging hangover, but also with the most embarrassing memories from the night prior. He didn’t remember all the details, but he did remember hitting violently on the bartender. He had no idea if he was actually being smooth about it or if he was acting like creep of the century, only increasing his embarrassment.

Even though the better half of a month had passed, Jisung and Changbin was still bullying the ever-loving daylights out of him for that particular night, especially since it was because of a girl. ”I really hope casanova over here doesn’t pull the same moves on some poor girl tonight.” Changbin chuckled as they were all sitting in Chan’s car, pulling into the destined neighbourhood.

They were on their way to a friends party, their first time out since the incident. Chan snorted at the comment, reminding his friend that he was driving anyway, so even if he wanted to - he wouldn’t be able to drink. “And honestly? Thank fuck for that.” Jisung added at last, unbuckling his seatbelt when they pulled up to the right house. They were a couple of hours late, so the party was already raging. The setting sun was illuminating the backyard of the host house in a stunning few shades of light, really setting the vibe as people were dancing on the glass-flooring that had been installed over the pool so they had more real estate to move around on, and also less of a drowning risk with this many drunks.

“I know we usually hit bar first when we get places, but I’m going to find Minho and say hi.” Jisung said, almost splitting away from the two others, but they soon agreed it was a good idea and joined him. It didn’t take long for them to find the party-host and greet him.

“Minho!” Changbin exclaimed and hugged his friend, Jisung and Chan following suit.

“Glad you guys could make it! Haven’t seen you in forever!” He spoke a bit loud to make sure they heard him over the music. They chatted for a few minutes, catching up before a few girls wanted Minho's attention. “Looks like I have to dip. But get your asses into the backyard and Mila will hook you up with some drinks!” He said before disappearing into the crowd. The boys did as they were told and made their way back outside. The sun had set by now, the yard being lit up with fairy-lights and torches. Jisung was the first back outside, followed by Changbin then Chan, as they all wouldn’t fit through the door at once. However, while Chan was still making his way outside, he heard Jisung absolutely lose his mind laughing, Changbin soon doing the same.

“What the fuck is wrong with you guys?” Chan gave them a look as if they were crazy, laughing at nothing. Neither of them were able to keep their composure long enough to explain their actions, but Changbin managed to point in the general direction of their amusement. Chan scanned the area of where his buddy had gestured, his heart soon dropping to the pit of his stomach. Over by the far end of the covered pool stood a makeshift bar, with a professional bartender behind it. “Are you kidding me?” Chan sighed as he looked at the girl he had so humiliatingly hit on a few weeks back.

Jisung and Changbin took a few minutes, but they finally sobered up enough to pat Chan on the back and make their way over to the bar. They greeted her, not really expecting her to remember them as she probably met thousands of customers every single weekend. But so wrong can you be.

“Hi boys, let me guess. Two vodka-redbulls for you guys, and should I just give you the bottle and a straw?” Mila chuckled as they had all fully approached the bar. She would never have said that if there were other people around, but right now it was only the three boys within earshot, so she took the opportunity to mock them a bit. Two of the boys broke out laughing, while the last one closed his eyes and smiled as a red tint appeared on his cheeks and the tips of his ears.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry! I had to. I’m Mila by the way.” She chuckled as she prepared the two vodka-redbulls that had been confirmed ordered.

“Nah, it’s fine. I absolutely had that coming. I’m Chan, that’s Jisung and Changbin.” Chan replied once he finally looked back up, mustering up the courage to look Mila in the eye. She let them know it was lovely to meet them and gave them their drinks. As it was an open bar, there was no need for them to pay for anything.

“So what can I get you?” Mila asked, adding pressure to the ‘you’, making it a conversation between only her and Chan. Jisung and Changbin took this as their cue to step back. Chan definitely noticed them backing away, but decided to not pay them any mind in case it made it awkward between him and the bartender.

“I’m driving, so I’ll just have a glass of water or something.” He admitted, honestly relieved that he wasn’t drinking.

“You know, just because you aren’t drinking doesn’t mean that I can’t make you a drink. If you’d like I can make you something alcohol-free.” Mila said and reached for her Boston-shaker. Chan accepted her offer, and soon she was at work. Grabbing different syrups and juices, she free-poured them into her tin with some ice and shook it up. After straining it into a glass over some fresh ice and topping it off with some liquid Chan honestly had no idea what was, she presented the yellow to red gradient drink.

Chan gladly grabbed the drink and took a sip. He then admitted to her that he was absolutely blown away at how good it was. She gave him a smile and a thank you while rinsing her shaker and placing it back on her station.

“I’ll go find the guys I came with, but I’ll probably see you later?” Chan said, slowly backing up while talking to her, the grass soft under his feet as he walked. She nodded and gave him yet a smile, then turned to the group of people that walked up to her, ready for drinks.

The night blew past in a blur as the guys danced around, talked to friends, and in general just had a blast. Before they knew it, the music had died down and people had started leaving. By now Jisung and Changbin was - not drunk, but very, very tipsy.

“Ready to go home, boys?” Chan asked as Jisung chugged the last of his drink. Much to anyone's surprise, the two of them nodded yes, instantly getting ready to leave. Changbin excused himself as he ran to use the restroom before they left, Jisung taking the opportunity to return his glass to the bar for easier cleanup. Chan walked with him, having an empty glass himself.

“Heeey Mila!” Jisung greeted when they arrived, the bartender packing away her kit and tools, most likely having brought everything with her. Chan didn’t exactly see Minho owning this extensive of a bar kit, completed with spill mats and fancy pour spouts matching the rest of the kit.

“Heeey Jisung!” She laughed as she matched his borderline drunk energy. She happily took the empty cups from them and placed them in a massive tray she had behind the bar, filled with dirty cups and glasses. “You guys on your way home?” She asked, continuing to wipe down her equipment and sorting it away into her bag.

“Yeah, ending the night on a high is probably a good idea.” Chan said and chuckled, sort of hinting that he knew what happens if you don’t. Mila fully understood what he meant and chuckled with him. “You need a ride home?” He offered, suddenly realising that Minho lives in the middle of buttfuck nowhere, and it had gotten so late that public transport no longer ran.

“That’s so kind of you! Thank you, but I drove here, so I’m good.” She smiled so big her eyes almost disappeared, really showing Chan how grateful she was that he asked. He couldn’t help but notice how pretty her smile was, her nose wrinkling slightly, the ghost of a dimple showing on her left cheek.

“Of course. Get home safe though.” Chan smiled back, starting to step away from the bar once he saw Changbin return from the restrooms. “See you around.” He finally added before turning away and dragging Jisung with him towards the car, meeting Changbin on the halfway there.

The three boys soon climbed into the car and off they went. The silence was a nice contrast to the loud music that had been blasting into their heads for the past few hours, especially since they now could talk at a normal volume and still be heard by whoever they were talking to.

“I’d call this evening a success, if I’m being honest with you.” Changbin spoke from the middle seat in the back as Jisung had called shotgun. The two boys had to agree, but they also agreed it was missing one thing.

“Where are we stopping for nightfood?”

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

“Four beers, four fireball shots, four tequila shots. Chop chop.” The man in the bar demanded more than anything. Customers like these always gave Mila the ick, making her not want to serve them. But since she couldn’t refuse him service without a valid reason, she decided to just match his energy and be kind of an impatient dick.

“$87.29. Chop chop.” She replied in the same bored and unimpressed tone he had used, catching the man off guard. Mila then grabbed a servers tray and prepped all of his drinks, placing them on the tray. She handed him the tray without as much as a word, and instantly turned to the next costumer.

It was the last Saturday of the month, which meant the DJ was back from out of town, hosting his monthly event. It was easily the busiest night of the month for the nightclub, but for some reason this particular Saturday was calmer than usual. There were still a couple of hundred people in the venue, but not nearly as many drunkards as there usually was. Mila didn’t mind one bit, it most likely meaning she wouldn’t be absolutely shattered by the end of it, especially since she had to walk home after work. Her car was in the shop, and her ride had bailed about fifteen minutes after she got to work, making it a lot harder for her to find someone who could get her home.

“A woowoo coming right up!” She smiled at her customer, punching it in on her till, letting the woman pay. The drink ordered was three ingredients, so it didn’t take long before it was served and left with.

Mila had so graciously been given the far station of the bar for the night, meaning she got the least amount of guests ordering from her. So while she had some downtime, she wiped down her bar, restocked whatever was needed and filled the water station that was nearing empty.

“Are you busy or can I order two vodka-redbulls and a bottle with a straw?” An oddly familiar voice asked while Mila had her back turned to the guest. She whipped around and was soon face to face with Jisung and Changbin. She laughed at Jisungs joke, and then properly greeted them.

“Hi boys, good to see you!” She smiled. Had there not been a full bar between them, she probably would have taken the opportunity to give them a hug. Though she had only met them a couple of times, they had gotten surprisingly comfortable with each other. Considering most of what they had done together had been joke around, it made sense with the friendship they had sparked.

“Looking lovely as always, Mila. Hectic tonight?” Changbin greeted back, taking the chance to look around at the club. Yes, it was a fairly large crowd on the dance-floor, but Jisung and Changbin had mentioned to each other when they entered that it wasn’t near as many people as it had been last time they were there.

“Not too bad. We do have a few tables reserved though, and those parties haven’t arrived yet as far as I’m concerned. Might pick up a bit later. But what happened here? I’m pretty sure there’s usually three of you. Lost him?” She joked, grabbing a damp rag from the bar behind her and started wiping down the glasses that had gotten marks from where the water had dried on them after they got out of the dishwasher.

“Chan is meeting us here, actually. He was running late on some work things he had going. We’ll send him over once he gets here though, he probably wants one of those drinks you made him as Minho’s. He hasn’t stopped gushing about them all week.” Jisung explained, lovingly-mocking his best friend. “And two vodka-redbulls when you get the chance?” He quickly added, pulling his card out of his back pocket.

“That’s nice to hear. And you put that card away, these are on the house.” Mila quickly made the drinks and handed each drink to each guy, not bothering to put it in on her machine.

“I know we just met, but is it too early to say I love you?” Jisung asked as he realised he didn’t have to pay and put his card back in his pocket. Mila chuckled, then blew him a kiss and winked at him in a playful manner. Jisung went to ‘grab her kiss’ out of the air, but Changbin did the same thing. It ended up with them fighting over who got to keep her kiss, looking like two kids in the sandbox arguing over who gets to play with the dinosaur toy. Mila couldn’t help but laugh as she hoisted herself up so she could lean over the bar and give Changbin a kiss on the cheek.

“There, now you don’t have to fight anymore. You both got a kiss!” She grinned, Changbin looking at her and jokingly started to fan his face and pretend like he was freaking out. They kept up the jokes for a few more seconds before they laughed it off, letting Mila know they would be back at some point. She waved them goodbye and turned back around to continue slicing limes, as she had been doing when they boys came over.

It wasn’t long after that Chan came waltzing through the door, looking around for his friends. He soon spotted them at a table and made his way over, greeting them both with a variation of a handshake. They hit off a quick conversation before Changbin let Chan know that their favorite bartender was over on the far end of the bar. Chan gave a quick nod and let them know that he would be back in a second. They boys however had a strong suspicion that wouldn’t be the case, and made their way to the dance-floor as Chan left them.

Station four of the bar was empty when he finally made his way over, instantly spotting the bartender focusing on something behind the bar that was out of his line of sight. “Hey!” He had to almost yell to make sure she heard him over the music, but it worked as she perked her head up and her eyes met his. ”Hi!”

Neither of them said anything else, which in literally any other situation would be so awkward that Mila would find an excuse to leave, but for some reason she didn’t mind it with him. Even though it didn’t last too much longer, it was weirdly nice. ”Would it be too much trouble if I asked for that thing you made me last time? The alcohol free drink, I mean?” Chan was the first to break the silence between them. Well, as silent as it could be with the speakers blasting some Spanish song Mila had heard a million times by now. She quickly shook her head no, and got to work.

While she was mixing and shaking, Chan found it odd that she hadn’t put in his order, letting him pay while she made his drink like she usually did. She always chose the most efficient route according to what Chan had learned about her during their short friendship. Mila soon saw his slightly furrowed brows and came to the rescue with an explanation. “It would be kind of a dick move of me to charge you for a drink, when I just gave your boys vodka-redbulls on the house.”

“You’re too kind.” Chan smiled and took the drink she had now placed in front of him. It was the same yellow to red gradient as last time, but the nightclub lights made the colours more vibrant, this time reminding him more of a sunset than anything else. Chans original plan had been to thank her and then leave to find his friends, but conversation between him and Mila happened so naturally that he found himself leaning on the bar, talking shit for way too long.

A solid thirty minutes must’ve passed before Mila was suddenly attacked in a wave of customers. Chan knew his place and went to leave her to do her job, when he was stopped. A hand had wrapped itself around his wrist, his eyes instantly shooting to the place of contact, then trailing up the arm until he made eye contact with the owner. Mila was leaned halfway over the bar to reach him, stopping him from leaving. ”Uhm, before you go. That offer of the ride home, is that still on the table?” She looked like she was embarrassed for asking, but it only made Chan smile. He used his free hand to grab hers and lift it off his wrist.

“Of course it is.” He grinned and lifted her hand to his face and quickly kissed her knuckles before he finally left.

From then on Mila found herself looking at the clock on her till every few minutes, wishing time would go by faster. Events like these usually flew by, but now that she was actually excited for her shift to be over, time slowed down. But even with the slowest minutes known to man, three a.m. finally rolled around, meaning they were closing.

Security ushered everyone out while the bar staff was cleaning the bar. A lot had to be done after the doors to the bar closed, but Mila and her coworkers had gotten a good routine down. Before she could fully go into cleaning mode though, she realised she forgot to let security that three of the partiers were with her. She was reminded of this when she heard two of the security guards talk over the system they had through the earpiece she had yet to take out.

“There are three losers here refusing to leave. I need backup.”

“Bar," she started, letting security know who was talking. "Are these three idiots three weirdly buff guys in their early to mid twenties claiming they’re waiting for Mila?” She pressed down on a button that was attached to the wire that went out of the earpiece and into the battery box she had in her back pocket. The security the bar had on events like these were not the same they had on regular nights, so she didn’t expect them to know who the hell Mila was.

“Correct.” The masculine voice replied to her through the coms.

“Those three losers belong to me, so if you could be an angel and let them back in that would be lovely.” She spoke, following it up with an apology for inconveniencing the guards. Not long after, three guys made their way into the now brightly lit bar, runners and barbacks flying around with trays and buckets, gathering all the dirty glasses off the tables, getting them ready to clean.

“Sit wherever, I’ll try to hurry!” Mila said to the guys and then disappeared to help clean. The boys did as they were told and sat down in a booth that seemed to be mostly cleaned. They were all amazed to see the speed and efficiency of the workers rushing around. They were all working hard and thoroughly, all while talking between each other about the events of the evening, if anything of interest had happened, or just joking around. At one point two bartenders were sprinting after each other, one of them trying to spray the other with the disinfectant they had in hand. All this, and still the venue was sparkling clean after forty-five minutes.

Mila was soon stood next to the booth where the boys found themselves, her bag over her shoulder, her uniform now replaced with some comfortable looking sweats. “So sorry you guys had to wait, but I’m ready to go now!” She apologised as the three of them scooted out of the couches and stood by her.

“Nonsense, you guys used way less time than we thought you would!” Jisung waved his hand to let her know what she was sating was nothing factual. The two other agreed as they all started to head towards the exit. Mila was luckily not shift manager for the night, so she didn’t have to worry about locking up.

Mila motioned for the boys to lead the way as she had no idea where they had parked the car. Chan turned left as they stepped into the street and the lot followed. The four of them easily fell into comfortable conversation that consisted mostly of joking around and Changbin refusing that he was drunk, even though he had failed Chans test of spelling the word ‘bumble-bee’.

Time really flies by when you’re having fun, because before she knew it, Mila found herself in the backseat of Chan’s car wishing to herself that she didn’t have to go home. Her prayers were luckily answered in the form of Jisung asking the question, “Where we going for nightfood?”

“We should let the newcomer choose!” Changbin replied from Mila’s left, Jisung having called shotgun before either of them. Mila didn’t have to give it any thought before she started giving directions to the location of her nightfood of choice. Once the boys realised where they were headed, they all started cheering and getting hyped up, loving her pick.

“You officially pass every friendship test we could ever have given you.” Changbin said as they all climbed out of the car. He and Jisung had sobered up a bit by now, but not a lot. Making their way into the shop they didn’t hesitate to go up to the register and order inhumane amounts of food. Orders upon orders of fries and burgers, as well as way too many drinks. The amount of food ended up being so massive that the workers placed it in a cardboard box to give to them so they could easily bring it with them. They thanked the workers and left, walking back to the car.

Mila, who was carrying the box, asked for someone to get the backdoor of Chans car so she could sit down. She sat herself so she was sideways in the seat, her feet hanging out of the car. The guys acted on guy-instinct and sat down on the ground next to Mila, the car door remaining open. She then placed the box on the ground, in the middle of the circle they had created. They all attacked the food without mercy, grabbing burgers, fries and drinks, sauces and dips left, right and centre.

“This is easily the best meal I’ve ever had.” Chan spoke, his mouth full of burger, causing his words to come out a bit muffled. The lot groaned and hummed in agreement, their mouth equally full of greasy food. “Hear, hear!”

The silence once again came over them, leaving them to enjoy their food in peace and quiet as they were the only people in the parking lot. It made sense considering it was nearing four thirty in the morning, and the sun was starting to rise. The sky breaking into colours would never stop being amazing, no matter how many times Mila saw it happen.

The sun continued to rise while they ate, and continued still when they had announced themselves finished.

“Are you working next Friday?” Jisung suddenly asked, directing the question to Mila. She had to give it a quick thought, but ultimately shook her head no. “We’re having a party! You should come!”

Mila nodded quickly, grabbing a napkin to wipe her mouth. She then pulled out her phone while she continued to talk. “I can send you my rates and my menus if you’d like.” Her tapping away on her phone was quickly interrupted when Chan corrected her.

“No, no, no. Not to work, you should come to party! Be a person!” He spoke, letting her know she had misunderstood. Mila clicked her phone shut, no longer needing the work-files she was looking for. She asked them if they were sure, to which they all agreed. “We would love to have you there!” A smile grew on her face as she nodded yet again, happy to have been mistaken.

Conversation then floated on, topics changing every few moments all while the sun still rose to wake the world.

⋆⁺₊⋆ ☾ ⋆⁺₊⋆

Message to: Chan :)

I’m on a street with a weird amount of brightly coloured houses.. Does that sound right? Read 00:09

Message from: Chan :)

Yup! End of the street, Bin is standing outside talking on the phone right now, you should be able to spot him any second

Message to: Chan :)

Splendid, see you in a few x Read 00:12

Chan reacted to your message with a heart.

Mila continued walking down the street, keeping her eyes peeled as she did so. Soon she spotted the buff baby walking slowly back and forth, red solo cup in one hand, phone pressed against his ear in the other. She picked up her pace slightly, hurrying over to her friend and sending him a wave as soon as he noticed her. The call seemed to be of importance, so he kept talking while he gave her a hug and a nod, signalling he would be right in. Mila instinctively returned the hug and nodded as a reply, making her way inside the house.

Music blared through the entire house, Mila feeling the vibrations of the bass in her bones as soon as she stepped over the threshold. She had strategically arrived a bit late so she wouldn’t be stuck in the awkward early phase of the party, so a solid crowd had already formed. There were people everywhere; kitchen, living room, hallways, bathrooms, and Mila was almost certain she had seen a group of people make their way upstairs.

Pushing her way through the sweaty bodies, she finally got to the kitchen where the island was covered in whatever you would need to make a drink. A few people stood there, concocting their poison of choice, Mila internally wincing at their methods, but didn’t want to say anything. After taking a shot with a random guy, she mixed herself a drink and maneuvered herself back into the living room. It was first then she realised the crowd in there were all facing something, a DJ booth with none other than Jisung and Chan behind it. From the looks of it, they were mixing as they played, impressing Mila enough to push to the front. She knew the song they were mixing, so she instantly sang along. The music was proper loud, so she didn’t worry that anyone could hear her tone-deafness.

It honestly felt like a concert with the way they were jumping up and down behind the booth, hyping up the crowd that seemed to match their energy. Mila found herself dancing along, first alone but suddenly a pair of strong arms wrapped around her and shook her playfully. She whipped around when given the chance and was face to face with Changbin who was now dancing with her. “Shouldn’t you be up there?” Mila leaned in to Changbin’s ear so he could easily hear her, assuming he was part of the entertainment.

“Shouldn’t you?” He rebutted, making the bartender squeeze her face together in a confused grimace. Before she could as much as catch her breath, Changbin had grabbed her hand and dragged her towards the side of the booth, entering both himself and Mila. Chan and Jisung’s faces lit up once they saw the two and moved over a tad bit to make room for them to jam out with them.

It was first now that Mila could see how many people were actually there, but she didn’t seem to care. As a bartender, she was used to drunk people looking at her, so she didn’t mind being up there, front and centre.

Their set didn’t last forever, so when they finally needed a break, they played some pre-mixed tracks and scurried to the kitchen to get something to drink.

“Where in the fuck did that come from?!” Mila exclaimed once she was making them all sorts of different drinks, even though they told her she didn’t need to.

“Come to think of it, I guess we’ve never told you what we do for a living.” Jisung chuckled as he sipped the drink she had just given him.

The four of them had gotten to know each other a solid amount considering how long they had been sitting in the empty parking lot, eating fries and talking - but it didn’t dawn on Mila until now that they had only talked about stuff that didn’t mean anything in the real world. She had no idea what they did for work, how old they were (though she had guessed them all to be around her own age), or in general what their deal was. What she did know though was Changbin’s deepest fears, why Chan was so attached to music and how to comfort Jisung when he was upset.

“You do this for a living?!” Mila exclaimed yet again, stopping whatever she was doing with her hands to fully punctuate how shocked she was. The three of them laughed and nodded.

“We’re producers!”

It was when Mila then asked what else she was missing that the conversation really took off. They had all ended up grabbing stools to sit by the kitchen island, filling her in on quite literally every single detail of their lives, making sure she was catching everything. Minutes of talking quickly ticked into hours, and the only reason they were pulled out of their own little world was when one of their friends came over and asked when they were going to be playing again.

“Oh shit, our fifteen minute break turned into sixty-five. We’ll be right there, Hyunjin.” Chan replied after checking his phone for the time. They then excused themselves to go finish their set, but Mila only ushered them away, letting them know she would be watching them from the back.

Not long after they disappeared, the vibe of the music changed completely, signalling that they were back. Mila grabbed her drink and moved to the living room, only to see that it was completely packed. She looked around for a place to watch from, and her eyes finally landed on the staircase. She pushed and forced herself through the crowd until she was at the bottom step, then she climbed a few of them to sit down. From her spot she could perfectly see all three of them, as well as most of the crowd.

She sat there for a while, moving her body to the music as much as she could while still being seated. However, she found herself stopping when she looked back at the performers and made eye contact with one of them. Chan had his eyes buried deep within her, in a manner that surprisingly made Mila shiver. It seemed like he noticed, cause he gave her a smile and a wink. A smile erupted on her lips at his actions, his eyes shifting away from her at last. He was however smiling as he looked down at his mixing board, twisting knobs and pushing buttons.

The warm feeling Mila suddenly felt was too much for her to stop smiling, even when her cheeks started hurting. She leaned her head against the railing she was sitting against, her eyes still fixated on the three guys. One more than the others.

Her attention was torn away from them when her phone started blowing up in her pocket, forcing her to check it in case of an emergency. Luckily it was just the group-chat she had with her colleagues, the lot talking about something that just happened at the club. Something about an old man busting hella moves.

Just as she went to put the phone back in her pocket, she noticed someone was standing at her feet. Looking up she was met to face none other than the flirty producer himself. “Chan? Why are you all the way over here?” She quickly questioned, looking back over to the booth where Jisung and Changbin was now stood alone. The two guys seemed to be enjoying themselves a ridiculous amount, so she suspected they didn’t mind that Chan had detoured ever so slightly.

“You don’t seem like you’re having fun, so I’m kidnapping you.” Chan replied with the biggest smile on his face, only confusing Mila more.

“Are you kidding me? You guys are so talented!” She rebutted, but Chan didn’t seem to be having any of it.

“You can think we are the world's most talented dj’s as much as you want, that doesn’t mean you’re having fun. The two aren’t mutually exclusive.” He said and reached out his hand for Mila to grab. She tilted her head ever so slightly and gave him a smile. She then shook her head with a happy sigh and grabbed his hand, letting him pull her through the crowd and out the front door.

Time had passed faster than either of them had thought, cause the pitch black outside they had expected was nowhere to be found, instead it looked like it was about be dawn, causing Chan to check the time. “How is it almost three thirty in the morning already?”

“No idea, but what I do know is that I am hungry as hell.” Mila replied and started walking in the general direction of the closest shop. After a few meters, she turned around , walking backwards now. “You coming?” She asked as Chan was still stood on the porch. Mila stretched out her arms while still moving backwards, waiting for him to do anything. This seemed to snap him out of whatever trance he was stuck in, sprinting towards Mila, who by now had made it a decent distance. He came running right at her, bending down slightly as he came up to her so he could pick her up and throw her over his shoulder, continuing to run down the road. Mila was screaming and laughing at his actions, playfully hitting her hands on his back, squealing for him to let her down.

He didn’t make it far before he finally placed her back on the ground, laughing hysterically as he did so, Mila doubled over laughing as well. “Let’s go, dweeb.”

The walk wasn’t long until they found a shop that held open. Mila got a chicken baguette they had in the display window, while Chan went for fried chicken. They also ordered the largest serving of orange soda that they could, agreeing that they could share. After receiving their food, they stepped back outside, looking around for a place to sit. With no benches or curbs in sight, Mila decided to get creative.

“I have an idea.” She announced, walking to the back of the building they had just been in. At the back stood a massive container and a few boxes. She then handed her food to Chan for him to hold, then arranged the boxes so she could climb them to get to the top of the container. She then stretched her arms out so she could take the food from Chan, placing it on top of the roof she had now reached. “Come, come.”

Chan copied her actions, and soon they were sat on top of the roof, legs dangling off the edge. As the shop was placed on top of the same massive hill as the house they had just been at, they had a stunning view of the whole, entire city. It was captivating to say the least, especially when the clock ticked on enough for the sun to peak its glowing head over the horizon, illuminating the city as well as Mila and Chan’s faces.

“I’m glad you kidnapped me. This is incredible.” Mila admitted before taking a sip of their shared drink. Chan looked over at her with a smile on his face, bravely placing his hand on her thigh and giving it a squeeze as he did so. Her reaction consisted of turning her head to face him, straw still between her lips. Their smiling eyes held contact for what they would describe as an eternity, when in reality it was only a few seconds. Without any more words being exchanged, Mila removed the straw from her mouth, then held it up to Chan, offering him a sip which he gladly took while she still held the cup, and he held her thigh.

They soon chuckled between themselves, scooted a bit closer to each other, and watched the sun fully rise.

Hope you enjoyed! -ben♡

[discluded]

Seeing Tongs 2022 recap made me tear up, I’ve had the same type of year (but obviously without being in a super successful TV show and traveling half the world in a tour). I’m so excited/cautiously optimistic for the new BOC projects bc I’m ready for the rest of the cast to have more work and shine! I love MA an unhealthy amount but KP had a great cast all around and I want more of everyone, and MA can’t possibly sustain this type of workload forever. But Tong! You have a special place in my heart and I’m excited for his book or something he said he’s releasing? Be loud and proud and keep being successful and 🖕🏻to all the people that made spaces unsafe in the past. Also I wouldn’t mind seeing Tankhun again.

I definitely am in the same lane as all the fans who want to see them act more, but production of new series take time! Looking forward to the BOC announcement on the 18th... we've seen workshops and meetings with writers... fingers crossed 🤞🤞🤞

Proud of Tong 🌈

[krishnasangani]

Welcome to MY Blog

Hi, I am Krishna!

Everyone does many things for good health: eating healthy food, drinking water, and working out. But sleeping, for some reason, is low on the list. Ever since I started college, I have noticed that my sleeping habits have been unhealthy. I am a night owl person who has early morning classes. During weekdays I would only sleep for 3-6 hours due to the college workload, binge-watching Netflix, late-night video calls with my friends, etc. This has also led me to drink an enormous amount of coffee, which has not been good for my body. My sleeping schedule has been so unhealthy and disorganized that it has become overwhelming and stressful. I have been having difficulties catching up with my academics and other requirements lately. Usually, my solution is to drink a significant amount of coffee, but that's something I would like to change because I've been obsessed with coffee to the degree that it has caused me to sleep less. Therefore my goal is to change my sleeping habits and limit the amount of coffee I intake. 

It is essential for me to change this habit because I would like to have a healthy sleeping lifestyle so that I am energized and active throughout the day. In fact, according to the Community Health Network, “quality sleep is vital to our physical and mental health.” In fact, the body and mind need sleep due to the following reason 

Reason 1: It helps the brain function

Reason 2: Keeps emotion in check

Reason 3: Reduces disease risk 

Reason 4: Keeps weight under control

For more information about it please check out this website: https://www.achn.net/about-access/whats-new/health-resources/4-reason-why-sleep-is-good-for-your-health

Check out this poster below to understand more deeply of why you need sleep.

With that being said the possible advantages and disadvantages of modifying this behavior 

Advantages: 

Managing time 

Balanced sleeping schedule 

Focused on academics 

Healthy lifestyle

Reduces stress and improves my mood 

Better mental health

Being more productive

Disadvantages: 

No drinking coffee every day

Sleeping early 

No binge-watching Netflix or talking to friends late at night

Difficult to maintain this habit

However, this behavior modification is not my first attempt. I have tried changing it, but it did not help because I needed to put in all my effort and take it seriously. Although this has made me realize how important changing my sleeping habits is, it will give me long-term mental and physical benefits.

Baseline Data

I have started logging down my sleep schedule and coffee consumption since mid of January 2023. I will be tracking my sleep hours daily using Health and SleepWatch Application. However, these apps are not 100% accurate, but they help me analyze the average base of my sleep hours. When it comes to coffee consumption, I will be tracking it by taking pictures and noting down the time I drink coffee every day. I will be updating weekly overhear with my updates and progress regarding my sleeping schedule and how it has made me change throughout.

[howtostoppornaddiction]

HOW TO HANDLE REBOOT EMOTIONS AS A HIGH PERFORMER

“Hey J.K. I feel much more emotionally aware and in-tune after drawing some of the exercises in the program and meditating for years.

“How can I balance being more in tune with my feelings and cultivating awareness while going hard at work and working out?

“I feel like what I’ve been doing is letting go of negative emotions like sadness and fear, but sometimes it feels like I’m not able to work as hard because I’m too in touch with my feelings. Now I’m trying to develop positive feelings around working and working out with positive visualizations.

“What are the proper ways to be a beast while still being in touch with and aware of my feelings?”

A lot of guys in our programs are relatively successful men but are unaware of their emotions. They’ve tuned out so many of their emotions over their years of  looking on how to stop porn addiction and compulsive sexual behavior. They have almost no remorse. They become more narcissistic. They’re increasingly unable to empathize with their partners.

These men cannot connect with these feelings because they have become so out of touch with their emotions. Helping men develop an awareness of their emotions and learn to reconnect with them is a vital part of the Porn Reboot process. It tends to be rather challenging but is well worth the work in the end.

Do you relate to this at all?

This brother’s question is a good one. As some men become aware of their emotions, they have trouble being productive while remaining connected with this awareness. Feelings like fear, sadness, guilt, shame, and empathy are new and they’re not sure what to do with them. They can be so overwhelming after blocking them out for so long that they interfere with productivity.

How can you begin to handle your emotions while still maintaining your high-performance capabilities?

DON’T SUPPRESS EMOTIONS

When you feel these new feelings come up your instinct is to push them back down. It’s your go-to way of coping after stuffing your feelings for years. Too many men suppress their emotions, though, and it’s a very unhealthy thing to do. Learning to change this, though, requires ongoing, dedicated practice.

It may feel difficult to sit with these emotions while remaining productive during the day but you’ll learn to do it over time. You must learn to be comfortable enough with any sort of emotion while still meeting your daily responsibilities.

ALLOW YOURSELF TO TAKE BREAKS

High-performing men who struggle with feeling their emotions tend to fire on all cylinders at all times. They work long hours week after week, leaving little time for themselves or their families. Doing this is a guaranteed way to continue the cycle of your compulsive sexual behavior.

Everyone needs time to rest and rejuvenate. If all you do is work yourself into the ground every day, pressure builds up and you need to find some sort of release. Until you learn to control your behavior, you tend to find that relief by acting out in your out-of-control behavior. 

Allow yourself to take breaks instead. Taking a break doesn’t mean you’re lazy and it doesn’t mean you’re neglecting your responsibilities. You need time to refresh and reset, and intentionally setting aside this time leaves you less likely to act out in your compulsive behavior.

YOUR EMOTIONS DON’T DICTATE YOUR DAY

As you start to feel these emotions, you may feel tempted to lean into some of them. For example, maybe you wake up one day and feel an incredible amount of anxiety about your workload that day. Don’t allow these feelings to dictate your day, though. You can feel these emotions while still accomplishing the things you need to do.

As you go through your day and handle your responsibilities, you’ll likely realize that these feelings of anxiety tend to dissipate. Oftentimes taking action counters any negative feelings that arise. It’s not always easy to move forward while holding space for those difficult emotions but the more you practice the easier it becomes.

TALK IT OUT

Reaching out to another brother in the porn addiction recovery program is one of the best ways to handle emotions as a high performer. Most men in the group are hardworking successful men who understand the difficulties that come with balancing emotions and responsibilities. If you’re having a hard time with this right now, I know you’ll find someone in the group who would be more than willing to talk with you about it.

Stop by the free Porn Reboot Facebook group to find someone to talk with. You’re never alone in any struggle you experience; there’s always another man who knows exactly what you’re going through. Come join us today, brother, and you’ll learn the skills needed to live a full, successful, happy, porn-free life.

[josephfebin]

Montage scene and creative decision-making behind this

These are her internal thoughts. She's greatly disturbed about losing time, as she's running late for the office and missing work. The estimated time of arrival (ETA) adds to her stress. While she's at the railway station, she misses the train. Similarly, when she's at the bus stop, she also misses important calls. When she finally arrives at her office, her boss heaps a heavy workload on her within a limited timeframe. These stressful situations escalate her anxiety, and the accumulated stress eventually leads her to compulsively pull at her own hair.

In this scenario, the individual is grappling with a series of stressors that cascade into anxiety. The fear of being late for work, missing out on important responsibilities, and experiencing constant stress-inducing incidents like lateness all contribute to her increasing anxiety levels. When she finally arrives at her workplace, the pressure intensifies as her boss assigns a significant amount of work within a restricted timeframe, exacerbating her stress even further. Over time, this cumulative stress takes a toll on her mental well-being, resulting in a physical coping mechanism like hair-pulling. This behaviour is often triggered by heightened anxiety and serves as a way for the individual to manage their distress in an unhealthy manner.

[resiliencementalhealthsupport]

5 Tips To Deal With Stress At Work

The word “stress” is something we constantly hear be it from ourselves or other people. It is a common word used by many people as many of them deal with stress at work. For today's article we will be sharing with you all about stress and how to deal with stress at work. This article is especially useful when it comes to the youths in Singapore because the issues of youth mental health are rising tremendously in Singapore. 

 Everyone that has had a job has at some point faced or felt the pressure of work-related stress. Any job in any industry has their own set of stressful elements, even if the job you are doing is something that you genuinely enjoy. For short term effects, you could experience pressure from having to meet a deadline or to fulfil a challenging task. The part that makes it worse is the long term process, when work stress becomes chronic it can become overwhelming for you to handle which can lead to being harmful towards your physical and emotional health.

It is not a joke, many studies have shown that having too much stress can lead to real physical symptoms such as increased blood pressure, chest pain, trouble sleeping and headaches. It could also lead to anxiety and depression.

Some of the common reasons for work stress are;

Low salary (economic stress)

Large amounts of workload

No opportunity for growth or advancement

Work that is boring and does not require engagement or challenges

Unable to have enough control over decisions related to work

Effects of stress that is not controlled

The stress that you face during work does not just magically disappear the moment you leave your work environment. If the stress continues, it can become worse and affect your mental health and well being.

Having a stressful working environment can lead to headaches, stomachaches and sleep discomforts. Chronic stress can lead to insomnia, high blood pressure and even weaken your immune system. Many people who have large amounts of stress have a way of dealing with it which is usually unhealthy and does not benefit them such as eating unhealthy food, smoking cigarettes or abusing alcohol.

Here are 5 tips on how you can begin your journey on managing your stress;

Managing your stress

Take note of what is causing you to feel stressed

Some actions you can take is to jot down for a week or two to find out what situations initiate you to feel stress and what is your response for it. Take note of your thoughts, surrounding environment, the people around you and how you reacted. Did you increase the volume of your voice ? Leave the room? Take a walk? Writing down all this information can help you to find out if there are any patterns in what is constantly making you stressed and how you react to it.

Develop positive and healthy reactions

Instead of responding with unhealthy responses such as eating fast food or alcohol, try your best to make healthier choices when you can feel the stress beginning to rise. For example, exercising is one of the best ways to deal with stress. Yoga is a common choice, you can take up any form of physical exercise as it is beneficial to you. Also ensure that you plan your time well to make time for your hobbies and favourite activities which could be watching movies, playing games with friends and family. Do your best to set time aside for the important things that bring you joy and pleasure. Another factor is ensuring you get enough sleep, having good quality sleep can play a critical role in managing your stress levels. Start building healthy habits, limit your caffeine intake towards the end of the day and minimise stimulating activities such as using digital devices like your phone, television and computers at night.

Set boundaries for yourself

With the current world we are living in, it is common for people to feel pressure to be available 24 hours a day. Establish boundaries for your work life like not checking on emails from your home in the evening or answering phone calls during your dinner. Even though people have their own set of preferences when it comes to blending their home and work life, setting up some boundaries will help to draw a line between both the worlds of home and work which can help reduce the chances of work-life conflicts and the stress that comes with it. 

Along with this comes setting time for yourself to just take a break and separate yourself from the world around you to recharge. This can help with the effects of chronic stress and burnouts as at the end of the day we are all humans and we need time to replenish ourselves and return back to our calm and stress free self. Many people call this process as “switching off” from your work by ensuring that you spend time away from anything that is related to work. Hence it is important to disconnect from time to time. It can affect your vacations and breaks if you do not set the lines clearly,

Speak with higher authorities at work

It is not easy to deal with stress and there is nothing to be ashamed about if you require some help and support from others. Speaking with your supervisor is a good place to start as your health as an employee is linked back to your productivity in your work, which is why your boss creates an environment which promotes well-being among employees. Do not be afraid and have an open conversation with your supervisor. This does not mean that you list every single complaint you have but instead plan and figure out how to deal with the things and situations that have been causing you excessive stress. 

Additional support

Your trusted friends and family are another outlet for help as well. It may be easier to speak to them which will make it easier for them to come up with solutions for you. If you still feel overwhelmed do not be embarrassed to seek help from a psychologist, talking to them will definitely create a different impact as they have been trained and have experience in dealing with issues as such. Always remember this - support from your peers is 1 of the best emotional support that you will ever get!

Stress is a very dangerous thing that could lead to bad results, however it is perfectly normal to feel stress. Ensure you do your best to find ways to deal with it in ways that benefit you and seek help if needed. With time you will build the mental resilience to deal with daily stress. We hope this article has helped you with some tips on how you can start to manage your stress levels.

Visit here for more info

[snowellness]

Take Your Depressed Child to Art & Play Therapy by Sno Wellness in Abu Dhabi

SNO Wellness is a health care organization in Dubai which works hard so that the people around them are growing both, mentally as well as physically. There are some kids and teens who need therapy, but it takes a lot of time for their parents to discover that. We urge parents to talk to their kids as soon as they note any strange behaviour in their child. If you find your child behaving strangely, send him/her to the art play therapy Abu Dhabi. Getting counselled by the best psychologists is exactly what your kid would need at that time.

Having to interact with kids is not always easy. We want to show the utmost admiration and affection to the children in order to communicate effectively with them. Nervousness, stress, and chronic worry are among the most common mental health problems that tend to affect teenagers as children mature into young adults.

In older children, it has been established that the primary factor contributing to these problems is the workload associated with their academic and school pursuits. An unhealthy state of mind in children of younger ages may also be caused by a number of additional factors. Even though kids’ therapy is very comparable to therapy for adults, it may also use many other possibilities to help bring change in feelings, emotions, and behavioural patterns.

There are several therapy sessions which are specifically designed for kids. One of such many sessions is Art & Play therapy. Everything, from color combinations to sporting activities, is fair game for a child's boundless imagination and zest for life, an energy that falls in line with their feelings. Having a really small intellect and a huge amount of vitality at an early age, children frequently struggle to understand and convey their feelings and emotions. The benefits of this therapy become immediately apparent in this context.

Through this therapy SNO Wellness offers a transparent outlet for kids to express thoughts and emotions that they don't have the vocabulary to convey. This is because this counselling session provides children with both a safe emotional detachment from their troubles and an inventive and individualised source for their emotions to get out.

The participation of a family is essential to the success of the procedure of affirmation and perception that is facilitated through this therapy. With us it is assured that we work to help tackle problems and assist the family members of our kids in bringing awareness about the distinctive personas of their children by providing a dynamic and entertaining environment that is also trustworthy and faithful. Children younger than 12 years old are encouraged to participate in these sessions in particular.

All in all, it’s the best solution for people looking to get an Anxiety Treatment Abu Dhabi. Vsit our website for more details on the programs.

[izzyliker]

Izzy, Stede, and the conflicts of class-based masculinities: an entirely too long look into my twisted mind

Disclaimer: I don’t dislike Stede. I don’t think Izzy is perfect. I think they’re both great characters. I do dislike the fact that people often seem to take for granted the notion that Stede is feminine, and that his brand of masculinity is “healthy” – as well as the notion that Izzy by contrast has uniquely high amounts of “toxic masculinity” and is “femmephobic” because of his dislike of Stede.  

I agree that Izzy’s approach to himself is unhealthy. I don’t think Stede is particularly feminine, nor do I think Izzy sees him that way either. I think their conflict is a matter of different kinds of socially supported kinds of masculinity, and that these differences and distinct struggles are based almost completely on class. 

STEDE & MASCULINITY

Stede is a wealthy land-owner who has not worked and does not have to work. Period. He romanticizes the life of hard, fulfilling work and the earned rewards of it. When we see people bully him it is specifically people who went on to fulfill this desire (namely by joining the navy) and his father, who would’ve probably been his first male role model. He gets bullied for being a sensitive coward by his peers and for not working to earn what he has by his father. In adulthood Stede’s completely accepted and taken for granted in his presentation of masculinity: he’s a wealthy man, he performs masculinity just fine in this context. He does not stand out from the rest of his peers in terms of his dress, his behavior, his mannerisms, or whether he works or not. None of these people work! They haven’t earned anything! They’re all equally “trapped” in this idle, unearned luxury (see episode 10). Stede’s bullies are specifically bullies with directly violent imperialist ideals on an interpersonal level – not the idle detached status quo for his class. He stands out for having been a pirate, because he has challenged the status quo, the typical masculinity of his class, and his social status. 

Stede and Mary’s relationship mirrors the typical stifling heterosexual relationship model of socially powerless women forced to dance around the whims of their husbands. Stede takes the notion that Mary should soothe his anxieties and take care of the household with little to no help from him for granted. His presence is such a burden on Mary’s life that in her eyes it straight up doesn’t begin until Stede leaves. Her life revolves around Stede! Stede, despite not wanting to be married to her in the first place, holds his wife on a leash because that’s the social context of their dynamic. His masculinity is firmly in the context of this structural misogyny that keeps both of them equally trapped, but Stede is COMPLETELY ignorant of this uneven power dynamic – his male privilege, if you will, lol – and is entirely focused on his own pain, the unfairness of his own situation, his trauma. Mary’s suffering and sometimes straight up her personhood doesn’t even enter his mind. She doesn’t want to be there either, but unlike Stede she doesn’t have the luxury to wallow in her sadness. It falls on her to keep the family running. Stede leaves but then he comes back and takes up the house, he adds to Mary’s workload and does not help, he walks around like he owns the house after having been gone for so long, he assumes he can just waltz back in with no work required, he lays down to sleep next to her like nothing’s changed and literally takes up the entire bed, he’s there and he’s still unwilling to talk to her, she’s still the one doing the caretaking and nurturing of his feelings and his physical wellbeing. 

On his ship he does nominal amounts of work most of the time. Things “just work out.” He’s clueless in a way white upper class masculinity is constantly rewarded for. He wants to deserve things but he’s so used to not having to do jackshit that the most ridiculous things count as him deserving a reward, or as him having done something worthy of respect and applause. He fumbles his way into stealing some poor guy’s plant. His crew doesn’t respect him because he’s arrogant and useless. He brings on board a type of positive influence – the “talk it through” kind of energy that he never had with his wife – which is a good thing! But Stede is the captain for a reason, and that reason isn’t because he’s actually deserved anyone’s respect or because he’s worked hard to prove himself or learned how to do anything. Stede bought his way into it. Stede is not displaying femininity and softness. He is displaying literally just arrogant and thoughtless ideals of upper class masculinity. 

Stede uses up food frivolously to make cake (!) and gets upset when it’s a problem that they’re now out of an important ingredient. In Stede’s world these aren’t things he has to worry about! Things just magically appear! While everyone else is searching for vital resources Stede is wasting money and time going on a little treasure hunting trip. To Stede the promise of a special treasure – just for him, one that would make him special, one that he doesn’t want to share, no matter who it really belongs to – is much more pressing, much more applicable to his interests than frivolous things like food. That’s what he has a crew for! Stede is there to give out commands and have fun. His wife makes food, his wife takes care of the children, Stede is there to get lost in his own world and play with his children, to be upset and confused when him being distant and useless means that Mary grows to resent his presence. Stede is there to journal through a proxy (despite being one of the only people who know how to write!) and to dream about becoming known for being special and changing the face of piracy. 

His crew, other than Lucius (and I’m not sure about Olu) is poor. I don’t think it’s a coincidence that Stede, a wealthy landowner is “educating” a group of much less fortunate people (some of whom were implied to have been enslaved previously). These are people who have had to work if they wanted to eat. In the context of piracy this means a certain kind of approach to the job that doesn’t really have room for touchy feely emotional moments. They can do this because Stede will pay them a salary regardless of what they do. Stede is sharing with them the world of leisure with his privilege. 

The “softness” and “kindness” exhibited by Stede is – sorry, a lot of the time it’s condescending or breathtakingly privileged. Let them eat cake mixed with genuine meanness. He’s a bitch! His pettiness and bitchiness is a rich people's game of layers upon layers of sarcasm and passive aggressiveness, and he’s clearly completely unafraid to act exactly like that with no remorse. We laugh at his mean remarks and then we forget that he said them at all. I assume the reason people read him as feminine is partially because “passive aggressive bitch” is something we associate with women as a negative stereotype, but in the show canon that is a gender neutral trait and the other major character to talk that way is that French dude. When Stede warns Ed about it he specifically says “this is what my people are like.” We are not supposed to see that as a feminine trait. It’s a class thing. “We talk it through as a crew” is nice, sure, but it’s also a very naive, privileged understanding of what pirates do. They rob little fishing boats for god’s sake. I’m sure he wants to be the good guy – despite his insecurities he certainly sees himself as wanting to be one! – and as a core sentiment it’s a good one, but undeniably his wealth and his resistance to giving it up makes him unable to actually be an equal to his crew. 

Stede doesn’t fit in in his old life not because he stands out from the accepted notions of masculinity but because he doesn’t want to be a part of it. His childhood bullies didn’t either – their route was to join the navy; they chose to be a part of the imperialist military complex. Stede doesn’t want that. He wants to be their direct enemy and to show them what working for respect can look like (that is, challenging the status quo with the least unnecessary violence possible). But where they have found solidarity between each other – being from the same social background, wealthy and hateful – Stede is still clinging onto his class, he’s still holding onto all of the social implications of wealthy masculinity, while also trying to roleplay as someone who isn’t wealthy. This is why him giving away all his wealth at the end of ep10 is so important: he’s no longer held back by this disconnect. Stede is now (somewhat of) an equal. His upper class masculinity was always stifling but he refused to let go of it; and he couldn’t, as long as he still had his wealth, as long as he was imprisoning Mary. By the end of the episode he doesn’t have his fancy ship or his expensive clothes. He has neutral clothes, he’s got his small boat, he’s alone, and he’s free. 

And to make a connection to modern day masculinities – Stede is the man who loads the dishwasher once a week and comes to find you just so you’ll pat him on the head and tell him what a great job he’s done. Stede is the man who eats your packed lunch from the fridge as a midnight snack and is confused when you’re upset when you can just buy something from the store or perhaps Chipotle on your lunch break. Stede is the man who buys a $1800 smoker to put in the backyard without asking and then is confused why you’re upset. Stede is the man who gets asked to do a task and immediately delegates it onto his eldest child. Stede is the Disneyland dad. Stede is the freshly divorced man who “I can fix him” types see as endearing because his first try of running the dishwasher involved him flooding the kitchen with bubbles. Stede is the man who doesn’t remember his kids’ birthdays or his anniversary date. Stede is the man who buys you a stand mixer for your birthday and a vacuum cleaner for Christmas. He’s the man who works a nonsense finance job he got through nepotism or owns a company he inherited and is so mindlessly bored with it that he wants to do something else, anything else, but doesn’t want to actually lose the safety net of his wealth.  

IZZY & MASCULINITY

On the other hand Izzy (and Ed, but this is about Izzy) represents working class masculinity. We don’t know much about his past but his dress (complete with a shirt that blatantly just doesn't fit him right as evidenced by the fact that his sleeves are tied up), his attitude and his presentation of masculinity are much more strictly aligned with what would be expected of someone who’s masculinity is tied to their role in a gendered class society as a worker primarily and as a provider secondarily. 

Firstly: Ed and Izzy run a real pirate ship. Izzy works under Ed, period. This is a mutual exchange of safety. Where Stede is at the top of the food chain completely untouched by anyone else, Ed and Izzy need each other to equal degrees. Izzy can’t run the ship on his own, but neither can Ed. Izzy is replaceable to some extent, but Ed would be reluctant to actively try to replace a first mate without really needing to. Both of them are competent at their roles but Ed, like Stede, no longer wants to do his job. Just like Stede he’s sick of it, he’s bored, he wants to try something else. 

Unfortunately for Izzy, again, his livelihood depends on Ed just as much as Ed’s depends on Izzy. That means that any misstep from Ed can mean that their entire workplace and their actual mortal lives crumble into nothing. So when Ed, already tired of having to work a thankless job he sees as stifling and above all else boring, directs that energy into pretending to be wealthy Izzy is upset because he sees this – not as feminine, lol – as him throwing away the “deserved” title of Blackbeard, of making himself look stupid, like a wealthy landowner who doesn’t know what work looks like, like Stede. 

I want to highlight here that Izzy doesn’t actually give a shit whether Ed wears Stede’s clothes or becomes soft or whatever. He’s on board with Ed’s plan of killing Stede and taking his place. Ed retiring into a life of luxury? More power to him. If he kills Stede he’s certainly deserved it. Izzy wants him to have a plan and he wants for it to be a realistic one because they rely on each other. There is a level of communication they need from each other. He doesn’t want Ed to be this guy if he also wants to remain as Izzy’s captain, because then it’s just him slipping into a world where he expects people to take him seriously despite showing every sign of not being worthy of that anymore. Pirates and the wealthy notoriously are, well… enemies. How would it look for them for Ed to be lost in this fantasy world where he, himself, is a wealthy aristocrat? Where he’s bought his ship, hired his crew, not worked a day in his life? Izzy’s working under him. What would that say about Izzy? That he’s accepting wealth as proof of status? Of power? That he’s working essentially the same kind of job he would on land? Where a wealthy, lazy man hires him to do the chores his wife won’t or can’t?

And so when Izzy turns himself into a provider it is not because he’s martyring himself or because he’s a toxic caretaker. It comes from a working class context of… needing to work to survive. In his world – just like Stede thinks – you deserve things by working hard for them. There is a structure of proving yourself, not by money or status but by your actions and your experience. Stede’s a captain not because he’s worked for it but because he’s bought his way into it. Izzy works his ass off. Izzy runs his ship and he’s fucking miserable with no clear support from the one person who was supposed to be on his side but he’s the only person who will do the work. Stede’s crew at this point is used to being able to just do whatever: they will get paid no matter what they do, because no matter if they respect him and no matter if they actually raid a single ship ever Stede can afford to do so to keep his little pirate fantasy alive. Is this fairer? Maybe! It’s also just not how it works for Izzy, and when he tries to get them to listen to him they don’t. In his world this is a prelude to mutiny. Izzy is a caretaker just as Stede is, but his POV comes from the very opposite side of class privilege: Stede can take care of his crew’s mental health and give them days off and pay them regardless of how they perform; Izzy (or Ed) can not. They have to work or they won’t be paid.   

So when Stede and Izzy clash it comes from this inability to see each other’s points of view. It comes from Izzy’s disdain for Stede and his wealth; his “softening” of Ed into a ghost of his former self; where softness is a stand in not for femininity but wealth, for indulgence, for luxury. Their life does not have room for that! Izzy sees Ed with his clean shaven face and his prioritization of feelings over work as him pretending to be like Stede, meaning a wealthy man’s fantasy of a pirate. Ed doesn’t even have money! Ed still needs to work for his money, but he’s trying to apply Stede’s POV as someone with immense class privilege to how he runs this ship, where you don’t actually need to MAKE money. This is infuriating to Izzy, who never left the real world. When he yanks Ed back into reality he overcompensates because of this anger and frustration, and Ed overcompensates back because he’s vulnerable and needs support instead of anger, because Izzy is being cruel but he’s not completely wrong, because Ed’s already feeling unworthy and unlovable. 

Ed makes Fang get rid of his dog. When this is brought up Fang cries and Ivan comforts him. Izzy doesn’t say shit about the crying or the comforting. Neither of these things is seen as bad: this is a necessary sacrifice, with an emphasis on sacrifice. The feelings are fine and expected. It wouldn’t be a sacrifice if it didn’t matter, and stoicism isn’t the point, you don’t have to be desensitized, you just have to be practical. Izzy calls Stede Ed’s pet. Stede’s useless. Ed can be sad and cry about it and Izzy will understand and help him through it, but he needs to rip off the bandaid or it will just get worse! Izzy even offers to kill Stede for him if it’s too difficult for Ed. He gets it. But it’s possible! It’s necessary! See, Fang did it! We’ve all sacrificed! Now’s your time to put your money where your mouth is. Stede belongs in doggy heaven with the rest of the sacrifices we’ve made to stay alive, to make ourselves stronger as a crew, to build these delicate social bonds we all depend on. Don’t ruin this for everyone. If you refuse to match everyone else’s sacrifice you’ll seem like a hypocrite and a bad, unfair boss. Etc. Caring is not a weakness: you can care, but you can’t carry it with you on the forefront of your mind if you want to be a part of the social structure. 

So to me like – modern context Izzy is the neurotic shift leader who lashes out at his coworkers because they’re Leaning instead of Cleaning because he’s caught wind that they’ve started shutting down locations in this area and he’s scared they won’t make their sales quotas. Izzy is the shift leader who’s filling in for the store manager who’s stopped showing up to work. Or Izzy is the store manager who gets told by the regional manager to cope and seethe when he tells them he’s understaffed and overworked. Izzy’s the guy who takes out his anger on his crew because he sincerely thinks he’s doing them a favor. Izzy’s the guy who’s got an intricate social structure built into his workplace and he knows EVERYTHING about all of his coworkers and can manipulate all of them however he likes if needed. He’s the guy who covers up for the boss when he doesn’t pay you on time and convinces you that the direct deposit just hasn't cleared with your bank yet for some reason. He’s the guy who makes excuses for terrible management and pukes during his lunch breaks from stress and takes his job too seriously because he’s been working at this branch for thirteen years and at this point it’s a sunk cost fallacy but he’s got a social contract with his boss he’s also probably in love with. His hair is turning gray and he has ulcers because he thinks that without him the whole place would collapse and he’s right, but he has not yet realized that that doesn’t make it his responsibility and it doesn't mean his coworkers appreciate it. He’s the guy that tells you to quit your second job or to stop wasting your time with your failing marriage and just get a divorce already because your work performance is fucking atrocious. He’s the guy who goes into his manager’s office and straight up tells him to get over his ex because he’s tired of explaining to the team why he keeps showing up to work in a dressing gown and having group therapy sessions in the common space. 

Final thoughts

So: Stede and Izzy clash because of their different types of class-based masculinity. For a show to explore masculinity it does not actually necessarily require any specific examination of femininity, and the minimization of Stede’s indulgence in the fruits of his class AND gender privilege is a little frustrating. These things are toxic not only to himself but more acutely to his wife (and the women in his life in general – there’s a REASON why so many of Mary’s friends were relieved to have their wealthy useless husbands die, lol). When we talk about “toxic masculinity” it almost always gets flattened into violence: it becomes “men can’t show emotions other than anger”, “men see love as a weakness”, etc etc. Hegemonic masculinity (also known as toxic masculinity) is… masculinity that enables the material oppression of women, and the fact that people seem to only be able to see the traits we associate with working class men as “toxic” comes across as classist, and flattens Izzy into just being “a homophobic gay with toxic masculinity" while letting Stede completely off the hook despite the fact that out of every character in this show he's the one who's had a tangibly awful impact on a woman precisely because of his ignorant wielding of, well, a very typical kind of middle to upper class masculinity.

I also want to note here that when we talk about violence you have to remember that beyond his burning desire to commit acts of violence to prove himself Stede 100% also benefits from it. It’s just that as a wealthy landowner he doesn’t actually have to see it happen, and he can comfortably be distanced from it. So to look at Izzy and Ed and scoff at them and call their killing and maiming toxic masculinity but ignore the ways in which Stede as a wealthy man directly gains wealth and social power from the same kind of killing in different places around the world (possibly including by his father) is a bit troubling. Violence is not inherently toxic or inauthentic. Violence in the face of injustice is not evil. Stede’s proximity to immense privilege means he has had no need to engage in it. Izzy and Ed are desensitized to it because they have to fight for their survival. Stede’s crew has become desensitized to it because they, too, have had to fight for their survival. To look at this and come to the conclusion that Stede is displaying healthy masculinity while Ed and Izzy are displaying toxic masculinity is to ignore how privileged Stede is, comparatively: the point of piratehood is not to be nice and sweet and polite, it’s a way to fight against the oppressive frameworks of imperialist wealth. Stede does not understand this and it’s clear from the fact that he is well. Wealthy, lol. 

Izzy sees Stede as an idiot and a privileged snotty little thing and they hate each other’s guts, not because one of them is more or less masculine than the other but because their types of masculinity clash with each other. They’re the extreme ends of each other. Stede cares about his crew even though the way he shows this is often both misguided and dangerous, and extremely crucially he does not care about his wife until the very end of the season beyond his fears of how she sees him in terms of his courage and worthiness. Izzy cares about Ed and he wants to be loved by him, but he does not know how to fit this care and love into the context of the world they live in without it being toxic for both of them. Izzy’s pragmatic and practical. Stede is idealistic and he can afford to do so. Izzy doesn’t have that luxury. That doesn’t make Stede feminine and it also doesn’t mean Izzy has any more toxic masculinity or internalized homophobia than Stede (who had to be explained to by his wife what love feels like) does. If this show was telling us that Stede is the model of healthy masculinity it would be extremely troubling.

[mbti-notes]

hi i’m an istj. i fear the problem im going to describe is resolved by being more Te proactive and taking on more leader responsibilities and failing. just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable. anyway i get involved with groups that align with my values to get things done but it always feels like i somehow join things that aren’t as efficient as i’d want them to be or stagnate. at the same time that i have strong opinions about what to do i resent having to take on more responsibility to enact it. i want to be part of an established, moral, process/group but it seems like everything is in flux all the time. just making sure: is this Te-Ne dysfunction ?

Your question is about type development. An important aspect of type development is understanding the weaknesses and flaws of your type, in terms of the ways that your type tends to misuse functions. You seem to believe that your problem boils down to a simple lack of desire to lead in group situations (weak Te?), but it probably goes far deeper than that.

Si-Ne problems often manifest as a general aversion to change, specifically, unwillingness to change how one looks at a situation, which would then significantly alter one's approach to it. Imbalance between Si and Ne becomes a very unhealthy stubbornness when one is also prone to Si-Fi loop that thinks in terms of pure absolutes. In essence, you believe what you believe and you want what you want, and nothing and nobody can break through that mental wall. Perhaps not even you.

Auxiliary development is meant to help with Si extremes and Si-Fi loop stubbornness by making you care more about empirical facts (Te) than your frustration (Fi). It isn't always easy to develop the auxiliary function when you come to believe that it interferes with what makes Si feel most comfortable (e.g. "just typing that out makes me feel burned out and miserable"). If using the auxiliary function feels so "tiring", it doesn't mean that you should avoid using it. Quite the contrary. It's an indication that you haven't yet learned to use it properly, which means further development is necessary.

Te wants efficiency, that much is true. However, what separates immature Te from mature Te is how exactly one conceptualizes "efficiency". When Te is immature, one has a very rudimentary understanding of how to be efficient. For example, one is likely to believe that efficiency is achieved through assertiveness or even brute force, i.e., "making" things happen despite all the obstacles in the way. Is it any wonder that using Te feels tiring, then? You're essentially forcing yourself to swim against the current. Si doms are painfully aware that their energy is finite, so they quickly run out of steam.

However, Te isn't really about mustering up energy. This is not what makes TJs smart, strong, and formidable. Mature Te conceptualizes efficiency as reducing the amount of energy required whenever possible, which is why they have a lot of energy to take on very heavy workloads - some people call it "working smart". This is done through facing the empirical facts of a situation head on and learning to work closely with them, which makes it far easier to make them work in your favor.

Your problem requires a two pronged attack:

Are you able to change how you look at situations in order to improve your approach (to address Si-Ne imbalance)?

Are you able to face the empirical facts of the situation and work with them rather than against them (to develop better use of Te)?

Wanting to be part of a process/group that aligns with your values in order to enact some good in the world is an admirable thing to strive for. Presumably, the other people involved in the group have the same sense of mission, otherwise, they wouldn't have joined. However, what you fail to take into account is that people aren't generally single-minded.

Human beings are complex because they are motivated by a multitude of factors, whether they realize it or not. They are full of psychological conflicts, contradictory desires, irrational impulses, old baggage, and unconscious bad habits. And when you bring people together, all that stuff comes out and creates complicated entanglements. A "group" only becomes a "team" when it is able to overcome those psychological obstacles together, and it can be a very long process of learning how to maximize strengths and mitigate weaknesses in every individual member. That's why a lot of groups simply fall apart. While your intention to join the group seems simple and straightforward (because Si-Te is admirable in its ability to keep things simple and straightforward), other people's intentions might not be so simple. If you fail to take into account the irrational aspects of human nature, you will cause yourself needless suffering.

Your frustration with people is likely a manifestation of your unrealistic expectations of them. Perhaps you aren't able to understand people who don't resemble you, let alone work with them. And you will certainly be doomed to fail if the only way Te knows to deal with individual differences is to force everyone to become more like you. That's an impossible task, not because it requires the energy of a thousand suns as you assume, but because you're choosing to fight against reality. Mature Te would advise that you should first face down the empirical facts of how people operate if you hope to discover the most effective way to influence them. Your repeated experience of feeling disenchanted with groups tells you that you're missing an important piece of knowledge about groups and how they operate.

I'll give you a very simple example from my own life. I used to gather with a group of 30-50 people once a week to conduct planned discussions. The discussions never really started on time despite everyone being in their seats because people weren't focused enough at the start of the session. There was often whispering and sidetalking and such that would go on for about half an hour before the room felt settled and focused.

One method of addressing the problem arose organically. Whoever was the main speaker simply started shushing people and it became a thing. Sometimes, it would even escalate to calling people out, like a teacher scolding a student in a classroom. This definitely made the social atmosphere less inviting and more tense. Sure, people would shut up after being called out, but they became less focused due to seething with resentment. Power struggles aren't great for group morale, especially if it's supposed to be a group of equals coming together for a common cause.

It all sounds quite childish, but these kinds of judgments are useless. You can call people childish, inefficient, incompetent, etc etc, but it doesn't solve the problem. And, worse, being judgmental blocks you from understanding people better and working with them. Perhaps an ISTJ would see this as a "mess", an "inefficiency" that wastes time, and evidence of bad character when people break the rules.

However, if you change the way you look at the situation, you might not be so quick to make such judgments. Actually, it's kind of weird for a bunch of people who know each other well to enter a room and immediately sit down quietly. Humans have a natural tendency to socialize as a way to strengthen interpersonal bonds. Isn't group cohesiveness a good thing, since it encourages better cooperation? If you are able to see the benefits of their chatty behavior and how it contributes to group cohesiveness, then instead of fighting against it, you would think of ways to harness it.

The real problem wasn't inefficiency; inefficiency was merely the symptom. The more primary problem was that a lot of people joined the group not just to "get things done", but also to make friends. The structure of the event denied them from fulfilling that important need and then they were more likely to act out. This problem was discovered when people had a chance to talk about what was frustrating them, which meant that the group had to make space to conduct some uncomfortable conversations.

To address the problem, the group eventually decided that the first 15 minutes would be devoted to socializing and allowing people to catch up, with the explicit promise to get down to business when the time was up. Some people brought drinks, others brought snacks. Some even showed up early to have more time to socialize. It enlivened people and enriched their relationships. Being "officially" allowed to get the chattiness out of their system, they were better able to sit down and focus on the planned agenda. The meeting felt like fun rather than a chore. And if you're interested in a cause, don't you want to recruit more people to support it? Making things more fun is one good way to attract support. You can look at it as wasting 15 minutes OR you can look at it as a 15 minute investment.

Solutions to human problems require:

cognitive empathy: figuring out what's really going on inside people's heads (in Te terms it means working only with the empirical facts of the situation, rather than indulging negative Fi judgments)

strategy: taking the time to work with people and figuring out the best way to help them get over obstacles (in Te terms it means investing energy early and wisely to maximize your returns later, rather than putting effort into the wrong places or only stepping in to tackle mere symptoms of the problem)

creativity: harnessing natural human tendencies to produce something useful or worthwhile (in Te terms in means taking what's already there and transforming it into a NET positive, rather than getting too fixated on every little negative detail and losing sight of the bigger picture)

Te can be a great function for dealing with human problems as long as you overcome the immature aspects of it, such as impatience, bluntness, or inflexibility. Every person is unique, so every group is different. Let go of the idea that there is only one way to approach a problem/conflict and you will start to be more creative in your approach. By accepting the fact that things are always in flux and using empirical evidence to understand and predict how change works, TJs become much more effective and efficient at everything they do. When it comes to people, meeting someone different from you is an opportunity to learn how to deal with that kind of person. The more knowledge you have of human psychology under your belt, the better you get at dealing with people's weird or negative tendencies. If a strategy works, use it again. If it doesn't work, adjust it to fit their psychology better.

In your situation, you see the problem as people being inefficient, so your inclination is to step forward and do something to "make" them more efficient. Humans aren't built with the prime directive to be efficient. They're not machines. Their psychology is messy, so trying to force them to behave like a machine is to force them to go against their psychology. In other words, you're choosing the least efficient approach. The more efficient approach, though it requires more intelligent thinking on your part (you want to become more intelligent, right?), is to properly understand the more primary problem of what's really causing them to be so inefficient in the first place. That is the way to discover the right strategy. If you are able to target those obstacles at the very root, efficiency improves more naturally.

Oftentimes, working smart doesn't require you to step up and be THE leader for everyone. As an introvert, it's probably more comfortable for you to work behind the scenes to talk to people, get a better idea of what they need and/or what problems they're experiencing, and incrementally remove the obstacles that are preventing them from focusing on what they should be focused on. You can't fix everything all at once, so just do what you can to fix what you are able to fix at any given point in time. It's a process and some progress is better than no progress.

[soleilcrumbs]

Getaway Car

HEY GUYS! THIS BLOG HAVE MOVED TO BY-SOLEIL! here’s the new link for the fic! from now on all my fics will be posted over there, if you guys could kindly go and follow me there I'd really appreciate it<3 more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍

Pairing: Johnny Suh x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.2K+

Genre: angst & maybe a fluff if you're squinting hard.

Warning: affair, unhealthy relationship, kissing, implied sexual content

This fic was inspired by "Getaway Car - Taylor Swift"

•••

Right from the very beginning I know it deep inside my heart that this thing I'm about to jump into is gonna lead to nothing but misery for the both of us. But, mostly me.

But Johnny, he's worth the pain. Maybe that's why people do stupid things despite knowing the risks, like robbing a bank or forging a signature. Or in my case, getting involved with a heaven-sent, angel-looking devil.

It's the small hope that hangs on top of my head. So small I can't see it at times but I know its there, "What if?". What if he change? What if I can change him? How amazing the world would've been if the great, all-accomplished mighty Johnny change for me.

Everyone knows Johnny. Hell, how could everyone not? If we're talking about appearance, man's got a bullseye on board. A perfect ten. His tall lean figure paired with broad shoulder and even a great face is a recipe to everyones heart at first sight. The fact that he has the personality too is even worse. He knows what to say and when to say it. He'd lure you in like some kind of black magic. Leaving you wanting, longing, craving for more. Craving for him. And the worst part of it all is he knows.

I have known of Johnny way before I met him. I've heard the way people talk about this one particular guy from a high school nearby who always seem to be everywhere. Parties, events, competitions, festivals, whatever it is you name it, he's there. So when I finally met him. It didn't take long for him to charm his way into my heart.

Nothing really happen between us after that. He graduated high school a year earlier than me and move away. I didn't think that much of it, not like there was ever anything between the two of us anyway. He's got a girlfriend for fuck's sake.

But when that letter of college acceptance came in. And I moved 12,397 km away from my hometown, a glimpse of hope arise.

"You should just give me a call if anything happens. Or if you ever need anything, really. Having a good friend from back home feels reassuring." Johnny soothingly says after I calmed down, freaked out over a huge pile of enrollment paperwork.

"Thanks, it sure does feel better knowing there's a familiar face around." I smile towards him as I gather what seemed to be an endless amount of paper.

He mirrors my smile, "What about housing? Figured that out yet?"

"Nope, I was thinking off-campus but that'll just add more things for me to worry about, like bus fare and everything."

"So, dorm it is. I'll see what I can do to get you a spot this late. I might know some people that could help." he coos, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Hearing the words coming out of his mouth, I scoff, "Of course you do. But thanks Johnny, that would be perfect."

•••

The two of us quickly become good friends. I turn to him for a lot of stuff and to my surprise so does he. With the common area of my dorm—which he came through with, thank God—being the place where we hang out most.

It all started very innocent. A friend helping a friend in times of need. That's normal. I'd listen to his complain about his problems. How his girlfriend is borderline caging him with possessive attitude. Adding more stress on top of the one he's been having from school's unrealistic workload.

But at some point, somethings changed. Call me delusional but the distance he put between the two of us over the shared textbook when we study together grow smaller each time. And the oh-so-delicious cologne he's been wearing since forever did not help at all.

Before I know it, I become his getaway car.

Then, that cursed night happened. The rain was unforgiving, drenching me head to toe. I wipe my face trying to get a clear vision of a moving vehicle nearing me. It turns out go be his car pulling up right in front of my soaking self.

“What are you doing?! I told you to wait inside!” he shouts, moving his head signaling me to get inside his car.

“It was jam packed, the humidity is killing me. I’d rather stand in the rain.”

“Are you joking?! You’ll catch a cold.” his tone is harsh unlike his delicate hand drying the water from my face with his gym towel from the backseat, while the other snakes behind my head. Gripping me in place.

“I’ll be fine Johnny, I promise.” I breathe, not realizing just how close Johnny's face from mine at the moment.

The moment I look up to his caring eyes, his movement on my face halts. His eyes finding mine with heavy breaths coming from the both of us. The silence is sickening and I can no longer hear the heavy raindrops drumming his car. All I hear is rapid heartbeat from the two of us, and his has sirens in it.

"Johnny, I—" I try to speak in an attempt to suppress the heavy tension growing in an animalistic pace between us. But Johnny's having none of that.

He crashes his lips into mine in a split seconds. Pouring out all the tension thats been piled up without any of us wanting to acknowledge it.

His lips both hot and cold at the same time. Devouring and moving against my shocked stiff one in a motion so sweet I forget all risks I've been weighing in the back of my mind for sometime now. All my worries and concerns melting with every stroke from his gym callused hands. So rough yet so soft against my damp skin thanks to the rain.

When I finally ran out of common sense thanks to both his expert hands and and mouth, I gave in. Mouth moving against his, matching his pace.

•••

Nothing could have prepared me of what's to come. With neither of us trying to justify what happen that rainy night in his car the very next morning, Johnny and I embark on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Giving each other comfort both emotionally and physically.

And like I said, a clever man, that Johnny is. Knowing the right thing to say and when to fucking say it. Giving me a taste of heaven and hell in this very world.

“Johnny,” I try to start as I lay there in his room with half of my body weight pressing on top of him. Getting comfortable after he took me to what feels like heaven just a few minutes ago.

“Yes, angel?” he hums with his eyes closed, hands reaching around me drawing random pattern on my bare back.

“Are we.. a bad person? For doing this?” I hesitate before nuzzling my head even deeper on his bare chest. Accentuating my question.

“Everyone has a bad side, angel. Nobody’s perfect,” he tightens his arms around me before continuing. "but I don't know, you might be tho."

This time, his playful persona and jokes couldn't save him. Despite the happiness, joy and pleasure he's been giving me these past year, the guilt I feel inside never suppressed.

Guilt so strong I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweats. Praying to whatever higher being is up there to help me out of this mess I very enjoy creating. How do I get out of this?

"You're always like this. Avoiding things, shower me with praises to get out of this topic. It’s been long overdue, Johnny." I hide my face in his chest. Can't seem to find the courage to look him in the eye after what just came out of my mouth.

Johnny brings one of his hand to his face and let out a heavy frustrated breath, "Then what do you want from me, angel? Haven't I given you enough?" the nickname adds a soft touch to his maddening words.

"I can't live with the guilt. It's killing me, Johnny." I squeeze the sentence out, trying to fight back the tears that threatens to burst.

After a quiet pause he says, "I can't leave her. She needs me emotionally, the way I need you.”

And that did it. Tears streaming down the side of my face, pooling on the dip between Johnnys' chest. Body starting to shake unconsciously.

Johnny abruptly sits up, still holding me. Pulling my leg across his lap, cradling me as if I am a baby.

"Angel, I'm so so so so sorry. I'll make it better, okay? I promise I'll make it better." he says kissing the top of my head repeatedly. Still swaying our body back and forth. "Hang in there, stay with me."

•••

A few months past, Johnny finally come to his senses and choose between the two of us. Breaking the poor girls’ heart and hiding behind 'putting her off of the misery'. I should be happy, right?

But the guilt never went away. Not when one of my best friend is also friends with the poor girl. Not when people back home keep talking and reminding me about how cruel I am for doing what I did to their relationship.

It's always the girls fault. Though both Johnny and I were perfectly sober and conscious when this whole thing started on that damned cursed night.

I try to talk to the said best friends whom I've been putting in a very difficult position, which is right in the middle of my stupid triangle travesty. Not in one of the pointy angles, but exactly in the middle of the shape. She heard my-very weak- defenses, and choose to stay silent.

"I'm not gonna add anything to this mess by forwarding any messages from and to any of y’all. I love y'all equally, but speaking my mind, you're at fault girl." is what she said the last time I try to talk to her. One hundred percent not blaming her. I was shocked she even wanted to talk to me, I'd probably went apeshit if it was the other way around. It isn't though.

More time passes and I've been living the dream with my now official boyfriend, the Johnny fuckin Suh. Doing things backward than what traditionally done. Like posting picture of him for the first time publicly 17 months in the 'relationship'.

Everything smooth sailing as long as I don't pay attention to what people say. And also having closure from the poor girl I hurt through our mutual best friend. I really should thank her properly.

But of course, nothing good starts in a getaway car.

With his final year approaching in accounting school and my crazy calendar as a law student come crashing down, the amount of time spent together become less and less.

The anxious feeling flooding in the longer we go with this pace. Meeting once a week, maybe two times at most. With him on his phone practically the whole time. Phones blowing up when we finally have the time to spend the night together.

I've never been the type of girlfriend who'd ask the annoying question like 'who are you with?' or 'is there any girl?' but I find myself keep doing it with Johnny. Maybe I'm starting to get scared that karma's gonna bite me hard in the ass.

A very selfish way of thinking coming from a girl who's basically a home-wrecker.

And now, here I am. Sobbing through the pain after having the exact same conversation Johnny had with his ex—well, now ex before me—many months ago. Having no one to cry to, mostly ashamed for feeling this way after making someone else felt this way.

A new angel has come and grace his devil self. Bringing comfort that I couldn't provide no more, his words not mine. I know deep down this heartbreak gonna come for me sooner or later. The fear I had about changing become reality.

He could never change. Couldn't be saved. Not by his ex, not by me and surely not by his new angel.

So, I dry my tears using the very gym towel he used that night to do the same thing. Pull out my phone and start typing.

Johnny, thank you for the joy & pain you gave me these past few years. I hope you find true happiness, just so you can stop making people feel as shitty as I do right now. Goodbye.

•••

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[by-soleil]

getaway car

Pairing: Johnny Suh x Female Reader

Word Count: 2.2K+

Genre: angst & maybe a fluff if you're squinting hard.

Warning: affair, unhealthy relationship, kissing, implied sexual content

This fic was inspired by "Getaway Car - Taylor Swift"

••• Right from the very beginning I know it deep inside my heart that this thing I'm about to jump into is gonna lead to nothing but misery for the both of us. But, mostly me.

But Johnny, he's worth the pain. Maybe that's why people do stupid things despite knowing the risks, like robbing a bank or forging a signature. Or in my case, getting involved with a heaven-sent, angel-looking devil.

It's the small hope that hangs on top of my head. So small I can't see it at times but I know its there, "What if?". What if he change? What if I can change him? How amazing the world would've been if the great, all-accomplished mighty Johnny change for me.

Everyone knows Johnny. Hell, how could everyone not? If we're talking about appearance, man's got a bullseye on board. A perfect ten. His tall lean figure paired with broad shoulder and even a great face is a recipe to everyones heart at first sight. The fact that he has the personality too is even worse. He knows what to say and when to say it. He'd lure you in like some kind of black magic. Leaving you wanting, longing, craving for more. Craving for him. And the worst part of it all is he knows.

I have known of Johnny way before I met him. I've heard the way people talk about this one particular guy from a high school nearby who always seem to be everywhere. Parties, events, competitions, festivals, whatever it is you name it, he's there. So when I finally met him. It didn't take long for him to charm his way into my heart.

Nothing really happen between us after that. He graduated high school a year earlier than me and move away. I didn't think that much of it, not like there was ever anything between the two of us anyway. He's got a girlfriend for fuck's sake.

But when that letter of college acceptance came in. And I moved 12,397 km away from my hometown, a glimpse of hope arise.

"You should just give me a call if anything happens. Or if you ever need anything, really. Having a good friend from back home feels reassuring." Johnny soothingly says after I calmed down, freaked out over a huge pile of enrollment paperwork.

"Thanks, it sure does feel better knowing there's a familiar face around." I smile towards him as I gather what seemed to be an endless amount of paper.

He mirrors my smile, "What about housing? Figured that out yet?"

"Nope, I was thinking off-campus but that'll just add more things for me to worry about, like bus fare and everything."

"So, dorm it is. I'll see what I can do to get you a spot this late. I might know some people that could help." he coos, fishing his phone out of his pocket.

Hearing the words coming out of his mouth, I scoff, "Of course you do. But thanks Johnny, that would be perfect."

•••

The two of us quickly become good friends. I turn to him for a lot of stuff and to my surprise so does he. With the common area of my dorm—which he came through with, thank God—being the place where we hang out most.

It all started very innocent. A friend helping a friend in times of need. That's normal. I'd listen to his complain about his problems. How his girlfriend is borderline caging him with possessive attitude. Adding more stress on top of the one he's been having from school's unrealistic workload.

But at some point, somethings changed. Call me delusional but the distance he put between the two of us over the shared textbook when we study together grow smaller each time. And the oh-so-delicious cologne he's been wearing since forever did not help at all.

Before I know it, I become his getaway car.

Then, that cursed night happened. The rain was unforgiving, drenching me head to toe. I wipe my face trying to get a clear vision of a moving vehicle nearing me. It turns out go be his car pulling up right in front of my soaking self.

“What are you doing?! I told you to wait inside!” he shouts, moving his head signaling me to get inside his car.

“It was jam packed, the humidity is killing me. I’d rather stand in the rain.”

“Are you joking?! You’ll catch a cold.” his tone is harsh unlike his delicate hand drying the water from my face with his gym towel from the backseat, while the other snakes behind my head. Gripping me in place.

“I’ll be fine Johnny, I promise.” I breathe, not realizing just how close Johnny's face from mine at the moment.

The moment I look up to his caring eyes, his movement on my face halts. His eyes finding mine with heavy breaths coming from the both of us. The silence is sickening and I can longer hear the heavy raindrops drumming his car. All I hear is rapid heartbeat from the two of us, and his has sirens in it.

"Johnny, I—" I try to speak in an attempt to suppress the heavy tension growing in an animalistic pace between us. But Johnny's having none of that.

He crashes his lips into mine in a split seconds. Pouring out all the tension thats been piled up without any of us wanting to acknowledge it.

His lips both hot and cold at the same time. Devouring and moving against my shocked stiff one in a motion so sweet I forget all risks I've been weighing in the back of my mind for sometime now. All my worries and concerns melting with every stroke from his gym callused hands. So rough yet so soft against my damp skin thanks to the rain.

When I finally ran out of common sense thanks to both his expert hands and and mouth, I gave in. Mouth moving against his, matching his pace.

••• Nothing could have prepared me of what's to come. With neither of us trying to justify what happen that rainy night in his car the very next morning, Johnny and I embark on one hell of an emotional roller coaster. Giving each other comfort both emotionally and physically.

And like I said, a clever man, that Johnny is. Knowing the right thing to say and when to fucking say it. Giving me a taste of heaven and hell in this very world.

“Johnny,” I try to start as I lay there in his room with half of my body weight pressing on top of him. Getting comfortable after he took me to what feels like heaven just a few minutes ago.

“Yes, angel?” he hums with his eyes closed, hands reaching around me drawing random pattern on my bare back.

“Are we.. a bad person? For doing this?” I hesitate before nuzzling my head even deeper on his bare chest. Accentuating my question.

“Everyone has a bad side, angel. Nobody’s perfect,” he tightens his arms around me before continuing. "but I don't know, you might be tho."

This time, his playful persona and jokes couldn't save him. Despite the happiness, joy and pleasure he's been giving me these past year, the guilt I feel inside never suppressed.

Guilt so strong I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night drenched in sweats. Praying to whatever higher being is up there to help me out of this mess I very enjoy creating. How do I get out of this?

"You're always like this. Avoiding things, shower me with praises to get out of this topic. It’s been long overdue, Johnny." I hide my face in his chest. Can't seem to find the courage to look him in the eye after what just came out of my mouth.

Johnny brings one of his hand to his face and let out a heavy frustrated breath, "Then what do you want from me, angel? Haven't I given you enough?" the nickname adds a soft touch to his maddening words.

"I can't live with the guilt. It's killing me, Johnny." I squeeze the sentence out, trying to fight back the tears that threatens to burst.

After a quiet pause he says, "I can't leave her. She needs me emotionally, the way I need you.”

And that did it. Tears streaming down the side of my face, pooling on the dip between Johnnys' chest. Body starting to shake unconsciously.

Johnny abruptly sits up, still holding me. Pulling my leg across his lap, cradling me as if I am a baby.

"Angel, I'm so so so so sorry. I'll make it better, okay? I promise I'll make it better." he says kissing the top of my head repeatedly. Still swaying our body back and forth. "Hang in there, stay with me."

••• A few months past, Johnny finally come to his senses and choose between the two of us. Breaking the poor girls’ heart and hiding behind 'putting her off of the misery'. I should be happy, right?

But the guilt never went away. Not when one of my best friend is also friends with the poor girl. Not when people back home keep talking and reminding me about how cruel I am for doing what I did to their relationship.

It's always the girls fault. Though both Johnny and I were perfectly sober and conscious when this whole thing started on that damned cursed night.

I try to talk to the said best friends whom I've been putting in a very difficult position, which is right in the middle of my stupid triangle travesty. Not in one of the pointy angles, but exactly in the middle of the shape. She heard my-very weak- defenses, and choose to stay silent.

"I'm not gonna add anything to this mess by forwarding any messages from and to any of y’all. I love y'all equally, but speaking my mind, you're at fault girl." is what she said the last time I try to talk to her. One hundred percent not blaming her. I was shocked she even wanted to talk to me, I'd probably went apeshit if it was the other way around. It isn't though.

More time passes and I've been living the dream with my now official boyfriend, the Johnny fuckin Suh. Doing things backward than what traditionally done. Like posting picture of him for the first time publicly 17 months in the 'relationship'.

Everything smooth sailing as long as I don't pay attention to what people say. And also having closure from the poor girl I hurt through our mutual best friend. I really should thank her properly.

But of course, nothing good starts in a getaway car.

With his final year approaching in accounting school and my crazy calendar as a law student come crashing down, the amount of time spent together become less and less.

The anxious feeling flooding in the longer we go with this pace. Meeting once a week, maybe two times at most. With him on his phone practically the whole time. Phones blowing up when we finally have the time to spend the night together.

I've never been the type of girlfriend who'd ask the annoying question like 'who are you with?' or 'is there any girl?' but I find myself keep doing it with Johnny. Maybe I'm starting to get scared that karma's gonna bite me hard in the ass.

A very selfish way of thinking coming from a girl who's basically a home-wrecker.

And now, here I am. Sobbing through the pain after having the exact same conversation Johnny had with his ex—well, now ex before me—many months ago. Having no one to cry to, mostly ashamed for feeling this way after making someone else felt this way.

A new angel has come and grace his devil self. Bringing comfort that I couldn't provide no more, his words not mine. I know deep down this heartbreak gonna come for me sooner or later. The fear I had about changing become reality.

He could never change. Couldn't be saved. Not by his ex, not by me and surely not by his new angel.

So, I dry my tears using the very gym towel he used that night to do the same thing. Pull out my phone and start typing.

Johnny, thank you for the joy & pain you gave me these past few years. I hope you find true happiness, just so you can stop making people feel as shitty as I do right now. Goodbye. •••

more of my stuff on my masterlist🤍 & twitter🌞

special tags; @aedreamzy @eleven23

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[arhvste]

MIYA OSAMU - OPEN FOR MIDNIGHT

➵ summary : being roommates with osamu was all fine besides the fear that you could potentially be a burden should you run into him, especially while he’s cooking. little do you know though, every night osamu hasn’t just been cooking for himself but rather cooking with hopes of luring you into the kitchen

➵ genre : fluff

➵ an : this is for @zumisace tee hee i love u lots and sorry it took longer for my teeny tiny brain to write this out properly !! <3

It felt nice living somewhat independently, away from family and free to do as you pleased; within reason of course.

You’d moved away to college last year and you’d nicely settled in and gotten into the swing of handling a domestic and academic routine. Your roommate was nice enough and the two of you were friendly. Things were fine and you were thankful you hadn’t ended up with the nightmare college experience story which you’d heard plenty of beforehand.

The only thing that bothered you was that your dinner times were a little earlier than you would’ve liked. You ate at 6ish every night to avoid clashing with your roommate as the kitchen seemed to be his domain and you never wanted to come across as getting in his way.

Sometimes, he’d offer to cook for you but the thoughts of you being a slight burden stayed prominent in your thoughts and you found yourself declining him more-a-less every single time he offered. You only hoped he didn’t take offence to your decline of invitation and think that it was his cooking that put you off because that certainly wasn’t the reason.

You and Osamu were friends with each other but you were never sure as to what level of friendship you were at. Sometimes you feared as to whether you’d be able to hold a long enough conversation yet talking to him seemed to flow naturally anyway. The feeling of nervousness never once left you though even though there was nothing to be nervous about when it came to Osamu. Maybe it was a fear of judgement or maybe you hadn’t been around him for a long enough time due to your incompatible schedules, you’d only ever run into each other in the morning after his runs and in the evening when you’d both finish your classes at different times. Osamu also took cooking courses a handful of evenings in the week so it’s not like you saw him much on a daily basis anyway.

That still didn’t help your new developed habit of eating your evening meal early though and it bothered you waking up later in the night feeling hungry but too tired to get up. The smell of cooked food would waft in through your door at around 11:40PM and linger about until around 1AM. Whether it was just your hunger making you imagine it or if it was your roommate cooking late, you weren’t sure but, you certainly weren’t going to make yourself find out either. That was your excuse anyway, it was actually a fear of running into Osamu and bothering him. You weren’t prepared to face him in an awkward conversation at 12AM every night and you certainly didn’t want to accidentally wake him up and potentially irritate him if he happened to be in his room sleeping.

Again, you weren’t quite sure what it was about him you were so anxious about, he was a nice man and was genuinely nice to you. Sometimes he seemed a little awkward to talk to though and his somewhat flat tone didn’t always help.

It didn’t matter too much though, you were on good terms and things were fine the way they were. You’d just have to continue waiting till morning to eat until you’d grown more comfortable with Osamu.

It was Wednesday and you’d had the typical college meal of just a quick mac and cheese box and it was safe to say it hardly filled you. It hardly mattered though because you had assignments piling on your desk and you were too occupied with them to even think to give your body an actual nutritious meal.

Burying you head into your building mountain of work, you settled down and did your best to get through them. You had decided that as a reward for completing your work, you’d treat yourself to some self care and a good meal but right now, your goal was to finish the unforgiving pile of work that was waiting to be handed in.

You set yourself to work and began flipping pages through and typing up the essays that were bound to be overdue soon managing to ignore the insatiable hunger in your practically empty stomach and the time.

Osamu had arrived back to the apartment an hour after you finished your sad excuse of a meal and retreated back to your room to tackle your workload. He didn’t miss the quick mac and cheese box by the recycling pile and he shook his head and sighed. He always wondered why you were okay with eating this processed and unhealthy food but you were hesitant about joining him to eat his freshly cooked meals.

Osamu put down his bags and left the fresh ingredients for tonight's meal he was making in the kitchen before returning to his own room to change into more comfortable clothing.

Walking back to his room, he noticed your door was opened slightly and he had a mental debate as to whether he should look in or not. Usually you would’ve called out a ‘hello’ or come out to greet him by now but when he noticed your lack of welcome, he decided they maybe snooping in through the crack on your door was okay. He just wanted to make sure you were okay or if you’d fallen asleep with your door open by accident.

He peered into and saw your back to him and a pile of papers stacked frantically on your desk. He saw the way your hands were typing up a storm on your laptop and the slightly disheveled appearance to your hair.

So you were studying huh?

Smiling softly to himself, Osamu hurried back to his room to change so he could start preparing dinner despite the fact it was 10:38PM already.

Finally, after what felt like hours on no end, you had drilled through the seemingly never ending pile of work and you couldn’t feel your hand or your spine from your posture. Several clicks of your back could be heard in your room as you straightened up and finally moved from your stiff position.

It was now 12:07AM and your stomach finally got the attention that it had been begging for since the start from you. Despite the fact you were hungry, you were also conscious of the time and didn’t want to risk potentially annoying your roommate.

Then again, the familiar scent of fresh food drifted through the crack of the door you’d accidentally left open as though it was demanding to be attended to.

Burying your head in your pillow, you did your best to fight the urge of getting up and following the calling smell outside of your room but your leash of nervousness began to wear down and you found yourself naturally moving towards the door and outside of your room. It was like your brain had just packed up and left your body to function on it’s own as all previous concerns were thrown out of the window and your only goal right now was to track this smell down and potentially consume something more than the ‘meal’ you have previously had.

Padding down the hall, previous concerns about your roommate long gone, you peered into the kitchen and was welcomed with the sight of steaming vegetables and frying what appeared to be dumplings. You inhaled and savoured the scent of the fresh food and allowed your eyes to flutter shut in bliss.

“Smell good?”

You jumped at the sudden voice and was met with lazy pretty eyes staring back into your own.

“S-shit, yeah -don’t scare me like that.”

“Sorry, wasn’t my intention.”

He wandered back over to the deep frying pan and lifted the lid to turn the food over to fry on the other side.

“Ya know,” He began suddenly causing your eyes to flicker up towards him. “I see all the shit ya eat and I don’t think the amount ya consume is normal.”

You shrugged and took a seat at the small island built in the kitchen.

“It’s all I can really do. It’s less time consuming too and besides, I don’t think I’d be able to eat big portions like you do,” You peered over the amount of food cooking. There was definitely more than enough for two people at least. “I don’t need to eat as much as you.”

“What are you trying to say?” Osamu’s tone threaded with teasing.

“I just mean you work out and stuff right? Yeah, I don’t need to eat as much as you because I don’t do that kind of thing as often as you.”

He hummed and turned the stove off and took the vegetables off the stove to drain the stock out.

“Well, as much as that makes sense, this isn’t all for me.”

You hummed and allowed your eyes to trail over his well built form.

“No? Don’t you always make this much food?”

Osamu put the pan down and turned to face you. One hand rose to meet the back of his neck as he sheepishly cast his gaze down to the floor.

“Uh actually, half of this goes to my brother since uh ya don’t wanna ever eat with me.”

“Oh.”

You felt heat rise to your face as Osamu slowly looked up at you.

“It’s not that I don’t want to eat with you it’s just...awkward?” You confessed as Osamu’s face twisted in confusion.

“I don’t think we’re awkward.”

You sighed and shook your head as Osamu reached down to grab two plates and two sets of utensils.

“It’s more like I’m awkward around you. I guess… I find you attractive.” You murmured the last bit quietly and half of you had hoped he hadn’t heard that.

“Hm? Repeat that for me?”

“No.”

“Why not?”

You huffed and glared at the smirking boy in front of you.

“Because you know what I said!” You whined as Osamu snickered, bringing the crockery and food to the kitchen counter.

“Okay, okay fine. But who said I don’t find you attractive either?”

You darted your eyes away from him as you began to grow slightly flustered.

“W-what?”

Osamu started delicately loading the contents of food onto the two plates as he sighed.

“It stresses me out ya know? Like everytime ya turn down eating with me, I’m always worried it’s because ya don’t like my food or...me?”

“No! It’s not that at all! I just told you I’m awkward!”

Osamu laughed and brought the two plates over and placed one in front of you. Your eyes danced over the food and your mouth began to water slightly. You had wasted your time eating processed and unfilling meals when you could’ve been eating like this? What were you thinking?

You muttered a quick thanks and then the two of you said your thanks for the meal before eating. Osamu’s cooking was as good as it looked and you found yourself humming in satisfaction every few mouthfuls.

Osamu smiled softly to himself as he ate his own food, sparing you a glance every so often.

“I’m glad ya sound as if ya like it. Your portions are such a waste going to an idiot like my brother all the time.”

You coughed and looked at the boy in disbelief.

“Maybe if you weren’t so good-looking then maybe I’d join you for dinner and you wouldn’t have to give food to your brother.”

Osamu laughed and looked back down to his plate.

“Well, now I know that it’s not my cooking ya have a problem with, I think I’ll tell Tsumu’ that his portions are being cut off now.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

You hummed and finished your meal finally feeling full and content. You glanced over at the clock that read 12:49AM.

“Why do you cook so late?” You questioned as Osamu hummed and looked at you.

“Because I know yer hungry around now and I didn’t wanna bother you about coming out and eating.” Osamu replied as your eyes widened slightly. So he had been purposely cooking around now every night to try and lure you into the kitchen.

“Oh, I’m sorry… but you don’t have to worry about that anymore.”

“Meaning?”

You sighed and tilted your head, eyes meeting his once more.

“I think I wanna start having meals with you.”

“So it’s a regular date?”

“D-date?” you flushed.

“Yeah, date. Midnight meal dates and maybe I’ll take ya out on a few proper ones soon.”

“Okay Osamu. It’s a date.”

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