#The caesars

[my-name-is-apollo]

OKAY so I read "The Caesars" by emperor Julian and y'all, if you love Lucian's satires this is absolutely for you.

Here are some of my favorite parts from it:

A quick summary: Romulus (who has now attained the status of a god, like Heracles) once hosted a Saturnalia and invited the Greek gods and the Roman emperors to the banquet. A contest between the Roman emperors ensued, with Alexander the Great called in as an extra contestant upon Heracles' request.

Silenus is the star of the show, doing most of the jesting. But I really like the way his bond with Dionysus is highlighted

And it's no joke, he really does roast these emperors till they're sizzling lol starting with Julius Caesar himself:

Next comes Augustus Octavius, whose entry is so pretentious and pompous that it becomes repulsive

Apollo gets a bit defensive over his "nursling" (a nod to the belief that Octavius was actually Apollo's son) and goes *insert Barbie meme "it's really not that bad! it just needs a little... shaping. To the salon!!"* ft Zenon the Philosopher who casts some spells of philosophy to make Octavius less obnoxious

And it works because Octavius is mostly humble and well mannered for the rest of the day lol

Heracles grabs this opportunity to fanboy over Alexander the great.

Like, "my beloved Alexander"?? It's cute when the gods gush over their mortal descendants.

Now, a shoutout to the emperors who didn't even get a chance to sit in the assembly because they were the worst of the lot apparently. We have:

Caligula, so terrible that the gods didn't wanna even look at him and he straight away was sent to Tartarus

Nero, who tried to be an Apollo wannabe and promptly got taken to the underworld

Commodus, whom Silenus didn't even bother to roast (and he tripped and fell anyway, what a loser)

There are more but these were the funniest

Anyway, the gods decide on how to choose the best amongst the Emperors. Apollo and Hermes have differing opinions on this, but Zeus decides to entertain the suggestions of both of his sons :3 (finally, one instance where he treats Apollo and Hermes equally)

All the emperors talk about their achievements first, then Hermes cross examines them to see if their motives were worthy enough and oh boy, it does not go well for Alexander who is brought to the verge of tears by Dionysus lmaooo

Anyway, in the end the gods vote and Emperor Marcus Aurelius wins the contest. But after that, Zeus asks each emperor to choose a god to spend the rest of their evening with

Ares and Aphrodite kind of just adopt Caesar LOL and yes, Cronus is present, sitting beside Zeus, with Rhea and Hera also sitting with them. He is the one who nominates Marcus Aurelius.

but here's the most crack part of this whole thing:

Like who invited Jesus bro skdjsndn 😭

Anyway, the story ends with Hermes giving some generic advice to the author, Emperor Julian and ending the story. Also, Julian lets us know that this whole story was told to him by none other than Hermes himself, and gives a disclaimer that he doesn't know if it's is true or just a lie fabricated by Hermes, or a mixture of both LMAO

Here's the link PLEASE READ THE ENTIRE THING

[kwebtv]

The Caesars - ITV - September 20, 1968 - October 28, 1968

Historical Drama (6 episodes)

Running Time: 60 minutes

Stars:

Roland Culver as Augustus

Eric Flynn as Germanicus

André Morell as Tiberius

Barrie Ingham as Sejanus

Ralph Bates as Caligula

Freddie Jones as Claudius

Sonia Dresdel as Livia

Nicola Pagett as Messalina

Suzan Farmer as Livilla

William Corderoy as Drusus Julius Caesar

Derek Newark as Agrippa Postumus

Caroline Blakiston as Agrippina the Elder

Martin Potter as Nero Julius Caesar

Jonathan Collins as Tiberius Gemellus

Pollyanna Williams as Julia Drusilla

Jenny White as Julia Livilla

Karol Keyes as Agrippina the Younger

Barbara Murray as Milonia Caesonia

Jerome Willis as Naevius Sutorius Macro

Kevin Stoney as Thrasyllus of Mendes

Donald Eccles as Marcus Cocceius Nerva

John Phillips as Gnaeus Calpurnius Piso

John Paul as Cassius Chaerea

Joan Heath as Munatia Plancina

Wanda Ventham as Ennia Thrasylla

Sean Arnold as Marcus Aemlius Lepidus

John Normington as Gaius Julius Callistus

John Woodvine as Publius Vitellius the Younger

Gerald Harper as Lucius Vitellius the Elder

Mark Hawkins as Mnester

Roger Rowland as Quintus Veranius

Charles Lloyd-Pack as Crispus

George Sewell as Ennius

[atlaskrr]

we've done it again folks

[thatdelusionalnerd]

ATTENTION TUMBLR

CHOCOLATE GUY'S BIRTHDAY IS IDES OF MARCH

[thedeathdeelers]

all of tumblr tomorrow, march 15th:

[street-of-mercy]

[tumbler-polls]

Submitted by @retrocausality

[hawkeye221b]

I wanted to meme before the big day.

Not yet, Brutus.. not yet..

[is-it-the-ides-of-march]

🥳🔪🕺🔥💃✨️🤗🎉🤩🎊❤️‍🔥🤪🗡😈🎉🤺

[aesthetic-uni]

It’s that time of the year again

[gef-the-talking-mongoose]

I don't care what official translations say, I chose to believe "Et tu, Brute?" translates to "What the FUCK, Brutus?"

[julius-caeser]

Boys night on the 15th of March, in the senate! so excited so hang out with the boys, heard theres cake, hope someone brought a knife.

[glass-expanse]

It's almost the Ides of March and you know what that means...

And of course, if we can get 10k votes on this, I will make the salad. Last year I didn't get to make it. Let's change that this year!

[meersspace]

it's almost that time of the year folks. grab yer knives

reblog for extra stabbing

[chappellrroan]

"kill them with kindness" wrong. back stabbing🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️🗡️

[wrishwrosh]

one neat bonus of being a picky eater as a child is that adult life is filled with so many beautiful discoveries. have you guys heard about caesar salad? im turning 26 this week