#The great assembly

[colderdrafts]

1: Pilot

They say the matter of the collision between worlds, known as 'The Great Assembly', was the start of a new beginning.

New beginnings are a language familiar to you, though you've found yourself somewhat at a stale period of your life. So when you're offered an opportunity to break out of the routine for a bit you happily accept. After all, new beginnings are also new opportunities.

For you this means some new friends, an unreasonably hostile naga that seemingly despises you and the uncertainties of loss.

Gender neutral reader x monster (male naga). sfw. Next

The beginning of a new world order twenty years past, known as 'The great assembly', has caused not only a lot of issues, but also a lot of opportunities. The human condition and what it means to be a sentient person had changed forever, since two worlds collided and were combined into one. There had never prior to the great assembly been consequent proof of parallel universes, however when yours and the monster one collided on a twist of universal fate, all prior scientific hypothesis on the matter were even proven right, wrong, or rewritten.

For the assembly had happened, and the two worlds that collided proved to be similar enough that it allowed for minimal changes in physical place and geography - however the spaces used by people inhabiting those places were changed for good. Creatures of all shapes and sizes, of myth, of old folk tales, of regular fantasy suddenly became a reality. The media was at an outrage, telling of homes being suddenly 'invaded by monsters'.

That counted for both sides.

Humans have always had numerous perspectives, stories, legends, myths going on monsterfolk in all shapes and sizes - and the world, or well, your world, soon learned that the same was true for monsterfolk on humans. It seemed no matter the content, category, popularity of a human-written story, there was a monster-written counterpart, down to every last bit of literature. The great assembly was cause for an enormous influx in art of all kinds, and a gigantic population boom. The calamity that followed of rearranging the entire infrastructure of society was no less than an impossible challenge, and multiple fights, protests and political scandals ensued, while every single sentient being adjusted to their new reality.

The world, as a result, got a whole lot bigger.

In present time, things are more or less back to a regular state. There's still crime, fights and war, there's still love, education and work. Inter-species relationships can be as strained as they can be friendly, and there's still a shared general consensus of what constitutes a 'good' vs a 'bad' person. Some prefer to live in the urban, some prefer to live in the rural. Some work desk jobs, some are retailers, some are in school, and some are on the streets. The assembly didn’t care what race you are or where you live - everyone gets the same standing point in existence.

But most of all, the people of the world, monster or human, strive for a regular, fulfilling life.

So here you are, a desk jockey in a financial company with a non-fulfilling life, but not knowing how earn a wage to survive if you quit, and not knowing how to apply for something different. You job is secure, and you're not worried financially. Your office mates consists of a large mix of both humans and monsterfolk, and for all intends and purposes, it's a normal work environment. Sure, your minotaur manager sometimes bumps his horn on the door frames, the gnoll assistant always leaves papers they hand you with small accidental scratchmarks from their claws, and the interior design is shifting to accommodate people much larger and smaller than the regular human. But the working day, hours and hierarchy structure remains the same.

You're at your desk typing away when Irwin, a human coworker and, forced upon you, your closest friend, peeks up over your computer screen.

"Psst," he whispers in mock subtlety. "Pssst, hey. I got you an offering."

Irwin is a lean guy of average height, sporting an undercut and a nose ring. He's only a year older than you, though he often uses this fact to utilize a 'small vulnerable young coworker'-approach when addressing you. All in good fun, of course.

His desk is the one in a cubicle right in front of yours, and this isn’t the first time he’s used your close proximity to his advantage.

You cog an eyebrow at him. "That usually means you have some paperwork you want me to look at."

He dramatically puts a hand over his chest and gasps. "Why I'd never - can a guy not offer his precious office buddy a gift?" he feigns hurt, looking dejectedly at the floor.

"You can't. There's always a catch with you," you roll your eyes at him, but don't hide the smile on your face.

Irwin's always been one to get behind on work, but he's genuinely a nice person, albeit goofy and unstructured. How he's thriving in a desk job is beyond you.

"I want - to give you this!" he proudly presents a USB key. "The whole season of the mon version of that weird show you like so much. IF," he makes a show of holding the key just out of your reach, despite you not even reaching for it, "you look over the numbers on this sheet to make sure I got it right."

You groan. "Again? Really Irwin, have some faith in your abilities, I know you can do math!"

"Last time you saved me from returning 5000 bucks to the wrong customer! I'm paranoid, okay?" he leans over your desk. "And you're so good at it! You catch everything!"

You notice the calamity has earned a few stray looks from your office mates, who all seem to glance your way in amusement. This isn't the first time Irwin has been at your feet like this, effectively branding himself as the office clown. You wouldn't mind, if it didn't mean he consistently insisted on pulling you into his shenanigans. Out the corner of your eye you spot your manager Barney coming down the hallway. You'll need to get rid of Irwin fast to avoid an earful.

"Irwin -" you warn.

He catches the direction of your look and smiles dastardly.

"Pretty please? It's HD~" he tries to sell it, nonchalantly waving the key in front of you, staring with puppy eyes.

You sigh. It's not that you're actually particularly interested in the show he's downloaded for you. You've only told him a few weeks ago you were watching the hum version, and in passing mentioned you wondered what the mon version would look like. You do however find it quite endearing he noticed and remembered.

Even if it's for his own nefarious gain of getting out of paperwork.

"Hand me the USB," you relent finally.

Irwin beams at you. "You're the absolute best-test in the world!"

"I know. And you're a terrible co-worker."

"Oh, the WORST, absolutely horrendous, rude and disrespectful. I don't know why you put up with me, but I am eternally grateful."

"You're taking advantage of them being too nice, Irwin," comes a rumbling voice.

You look back to see Barney, in all his imposing glory, standing at the cubicle next to yours, and you try not to jump in surprise.

How did he get here so fast and silently on those hooves?

Barney stands about two meters, with horns and face of a jersey bull, and crosses his arms over his massive chest. You thank the stars he's currently not scowling at you, but Irwin shrinks a bit back into his own cubicle.

"Taking advantage – Sir, I would never! It's an equal trade, and effective usage of resources. I do my part, they look it over, and the company thrives on our shared effort!" Irwin argues.

Barney huffs. "And does you precious coworker here ever ask you to look things over?"

"Well, no, but-"

"Because they actually do their job properly and on time. If you'd planned this better you would have more time to look it over, and you wouldn't have to waste their time with YOUR workload. Do better next time."

Barney’s reprimanding is as always deadly and precise.

Irwin's shoulders slump as he looks to the floor. "Yes, Sir."

"Honestly, it's not an issue, it doesn't take long to-" you start, but Barney cuts you off.

"That's not the point. Irwin still needs to learn how to plan his things. Don't let him off that easy," he stands up straight. "But that's not the thing I wanted to discuss with you two, actually. If you'd come with me for a moment."

Barney turns on his hooves and walks away without waiting for acknowledgment.

You share a look with Irwin, who shrugs, whispers 'uh-oh!', and cheerily steps after your manager. You follow suit.

Barney’s office is fairly simple, consisting only of a desk, his working computer, and a pair of chairs stacked in the corner. He motions for you and Irwin to pick one out and sit.

He sits opposite to you behind his desk.

"In light of current events, the head of our department has called for what they adequately call a “consensus strive”,” Barney does quotation marks in the air as he says it with a sour expression. “Something about developing the company team to function better as a group. Apparently, there's been something stuck in the gears between each department in the company. Blame thrown around, deliveries on projects not met, deadlines not kept, the general bad blood.

"So the heads have gotten together, and they propose a solution: Each department sends some representatives to speak of the going-ons at a shared company wide conference-trip," Barney eyes both of you. "And I want you two to go as representatives for us."

Silence hangs in the air for a bit, before Irwin lights up. "For real? That sounds – well, awesome! Fun, even."

Irwin looks to you for your reaction, but you can tell by the excited grip on the arm of his chair that he's already dead-set on going.

"What exactly does a conference-trip mean?" you ask.

"It means you will be going on a trip with other representatives of different departments of the company for 5 days," Barney explains. "There will be team-working activities, cross-department meetings, friendly competition and the works. It takes place in the mountain range just outside of town.”

Irwin deflates just a little bit. "5 days? Isn't that – I mean, a lot of work can be done in 5 days," he notes, gesturing toward the rest of the department. “You sure it’s fine without us for that long?”

Barney eyes him. "Appreciate the concern Irwin, but it would be a good look for the department," he smirks. "Don't worry about your workload – it'll be here when you return."

"I bet," Irwin sighs, and Barney chuckles.

You offer Irwin a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before turning to Barney. "Well thank you for the opportunity Sir, but I have to ask – why us?"

"Irwin’s current level of focus suggests he would better thrive elsewhere for a bit, and you seem the only one capable of keeping him somewhat in line," Barney replies with a nonchalant shrug. “’sides, it’ll be good for you to get out and get some fresh air.”

Considering you and Irwin are nowhere near the top of the food chain here, you get the feeling he deliberately avoids the word 'expendable'.

“So, you in?” Barney asks.

Irwin looks at you with a pleading expression. Well, you’re not one to turn down an offer like that.

“You got it, boss.”

[fuckyeahgoodomens]

The Assembly sees a cast of thirty-five interviewers who are autistic, neurodivergent or learning disabled, question an A-list celebrity for one extraordinary TV interview.

In this half-hour special, it's multi-award-winning actor and director, Michael Sheen, who is to face the grilling of a lifetime from the unique collective. No subject is out of bounds, no question is off the table.

On subjects as diverse as ex-girlfriends and on-screen kisses, to the OBE he gave back or his favourite motorway, how will the Good Omens star fare as The Assembly bring their unique approach to the celebrity interview?

The Assembly cast is a diverse cast ranging in age from eighteen to seventy-seven, amongst the group are musicians, artists, writers and students. Each will take their own approach in their attempt to get to the truth of Michael Sheen like nobody before has- whether that’s finding out his favourite sandwich filling or how he felt when his daughter was born.

The format is an adaptation of French show Les Rencontres Du Papotin, which saw the likes of Emmanuel Macron and Camille Cotin (Call My Agent) face the neurodivergent journalists of the Papotin. Gone was the flattery of the usual celeb fare – in its place, a mix of mischievous prodding, leftfield quizzing and profound exchanges. The superstars left completely off guard: actors asked about a driving ban or the death of a parent, the President asked if it’s really the behaviour of a role model to marry one’s teacher.

The show comes from Michelle Singer and Stu Richards' Rockerdale Studios, creators of mischievous content which seeks to put disabled agency at its heart. Stu is also known for co-creating and writing the BBC Three comedy, Jerk, and Rockerdale are most known for Channel 4’s Mission: Accessible.

Rockerdale Studios has worked closely with the BBC’s Creative Diversity Team, to ensure every element of the series works for and with autistic and neurodivergent voices.

The Assembly is a half-hour special to celebrate Autism Acceptance Week. Expect profound revelation, glorious chaos, and a lot of laughs.

The Assembly airs Friday 5 April, 10:40pm on BBC One and iPlayer

Interview with Michael Sheen

What made you say yes to being a part of The Assembly?

I said yes to being a part of The Assembly because it was just such an extraordinary and interesting idea. Then reading about the original French series, it just sounded so extraordinary, different and potentially a very revealing way to approach the tried and tested interview process, but obviously it is a lot more than just being an interview. The interview part of it is just one aspect of the project and I think there is still a lot of confusion, ignorance and fear around people with any kind of difference. I think being able to be involved in a project like this could maybe break down some of those barriers.

How is this different from any other TV show you’ve been a part of?

It’s very much unfiltered and that’s really exciting and quite nerve wracking for that reason! So much on TV is sort of smoothed out and filtered and made safe and this, certainly in the making of it, felt very not that! All the better and more refreshing for it too. I know a lot of work is put into the research and preparation for a show like this, but in terms of the actual questions being asked and the experience that you have in all being together when you’re filming, it feels very unpredictable in a really good way and really lead by the people taking part, which is terrific.

How did you feel going into filming?

Well I didn’t really have anything to go on, so I was excited. Sometimes when I’m going to be interviewed, I know what the interview is going to be about, I have a vague idea of the questions that will come up, I know the sort of things that I need to get across about what I’m there to talk about. But with this, I really had no idea what I was going to be asked, so I had to be prepared for everything and anything, there was a kind of freedom in that I suppose. Because of the unfiltered nature of what was going to happen and not being able to anticipate what might be asked, it was a little nerve wracking yes, but I was mainly just very excited!

Did your experience differ from what you were expecting and if so how?

Well I didn’t know what to expect really, so it’s not that it wasn’t what I was expecting because you can’t expect anything! There's no way you can expect anything because you just don’t know what’s going to happen, and because it is so unfiltered and unpredictable in terms of what might happen, where things might go, how people might be feeling on the day. For all the difficult questions that got asked at times, it just felt very loving and joyful and that everyone was very happy and excited to be there even though people were nervous or had anxiety at different times. There was a genuine feeling of community and I felt very welcomed into that community and ready to play so to speak, and you have to be ready to play. I felt very safe and looked after and it was just really, very funny as well – there was lots of laughter and wonderful things that people asked, responded to and performed, I mean I wasn’t expecting all of that, that was just wonderful! So many moments that I’ll never forget.

How does this compare to any other interview you’ve experienced?

It’s so unfiltered! The closest thing I can say is The One Show, where you go on to talk about one thing and then they ask you about everything else that’s going on on the show, so you get a question about your favourite bus route, then they ask you about otters! There’s an extraordinary pinball effect of questions and that’s the closest I could describe, but The Assembly is that x100. It really is extraordinary and that’s very unlike any other interview I’ve done really, usually everything is meant to follow on logically and have a kind of smoothness and polish to it, and this is just really raw and unfiltered and uncensored and I love that, I thought that was wonderful.

What can viewers expect from the show?

I imagine it will be very funny and I think quite moving. I was quite moved at times by seeing how much people had to struggle to overcome certain things they were dealing with in order to ask questions at times. That was uplifting. I think it will be different, it will be thought provoking I hope, and challenging in certain ways; challenging certain kinds of myths and stereotypes I think and ultimately just really entertaining and fun and joyful. I can’t really remember what I said, so I don’t know what people will learn about me... but it’s not about me, it’s about that fantastic group of people, but I certainly got a huge amount out of it too and I hope an audience will as well.

[deecotan]

an AU of an AU, where in zosan family AU, sora is still alive, divorced judge & took the kids with her, met zeff, married zeff, raised their kids together...and gains a new family member. basically a wholesome vinsmoke family AU!

[all-yourn]

Dean Winchester & "O Ruthless Great Divine Director" by Lingua Ignota

[thecruellestmonth]

Yes, poor people insist on eating cheap food and refusing to learn to cook. They wouldn't want better even if they did have the resources, that's just how they are by nature.

Thank you for correcting those ignorant Jason stans. Their headcanons of Jason being a good cook and enjoying fancy food are so seriously harmful.

Cass (who canonically lacks a lot of home skills and greatly enjoys eating other people's food) is one of the best cooks. Bruce (canonically a terrible cook who can't even make a sandwich) "does okay"—sure, it's your headcanon. Alfred, the classy British guy, is logically a great cook and "super posh". We can sum up Tim's unimpressive cooking skills just briefly.

But we need an entire section describing your headcanon about how Jason can't cook and needs to stick to "poverty comfort foods", because he comes from a poor background.

[hellenhighwater]

I am realizing with increasing urgency that whatever I ultimately do to make my laundry room a pretty and functional space is going to have to involve a bay for a significantly large rolling tool chest, because I have so many tools in so many places and I need to mount new hinges on an old door but for the life of me I cannot find a single fucking chisel

[convex-solos]

the hivemind is holding me at a gunpoint to post this

[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

im trying to blend the fashion/aesthetic of 80s rockstars, disco, and rhinestone cowboy into a cohesive look. its painful

[imissthembutitwasntadisaster]

If you're a uni student you NEED to hang out with normal people occasionally ok??? Promise me you'll make at least two friends who aren't also students.

[colderdrafts]

Trying to think out my character a lil more, template from here. Just for fun, sfw alphabet for my grumpy snake man Amren below the cut.

A = Affection (How affectionate are they? How do they show affection?)

Pretty simple. He does not.

Well, at least not in a traditional way.

If you actually manage to get under Amren's skin he'll just kinda. Be in your proximity a lot. He might not even realize he's doing it himself, but if he likes you you're gonna spot him hanging around close by pretty often. It's some roundabout way for him to make sure you're safe. He doesn't know how to show affection so he's gonna need you to take the lead here he needs a hug jesus christ

Also, you're gonna smell like him. Don't ask how he does it. Sorry.

B = Best friend (What would they be like as a best friend? How would the friendship start?)

It is extremely difficult to make friends with Amren, he actively tries to prevent it lmao. BUT if you manage somehow, he's the scary dog privilege friend. Honestly, most of the time you wont be able to tell if he wants to be there or not. He's still going to be a snarky bastard but at some point he's gonna figure out he actually likes your laugh - and experiment to find what brings it out. Is also the friend that will throw hands if you're in trouble no questions asked. He's subconsciously trying his best to make sure you feel safe with him around.

C = Cuddles (Do they like to cuddle? How would they cuddle?)

If you actually somehow manage to get that close to him, congratulations. I hope you don't have plans because you're not going anywhere for a good while. Dw he's surprisingly comfortable when he coils around you.

D = Domestic (Do they want to settle down? How are they at cooking and cleaning?)

Amren doesn't really think much about ''settling''. He's grown used to solitude, has made peace with that and he hasn't done anything to change plans. He's lonely though, so if he ever got over himself and succumbed to the horrendous ordeal of being known maybe he'd start thinking about it again.

He's a decent chef (when he actually bothers cooking) and keeps his place very clean.

E = Ending (If they had to break up with their partner, how would they do it?)

Depends on context. If you've been shit to him he's gonna drop you without mercy (unlikely you'll even be in a relationship with him at all then, though. He's got a sense for this sorta thing). If it's just a general growing apart thing or something akin to it, pretty quickly it's gonna be a structured conversation face to face. If it ain't working, it ain't working. No point drawing things out. He's an expert band-aid ripper. Most likely still gonna want you in his life as a friend though.

F = Fiance(e) (How do they feel about commitment? How quick would they want to get married?)

So uh. He takes this VERY seriously. It takes a long time for him to figure out what he wants from another person (he doesn't know what to do lmao save him), and understand what they want from him. He isn't exactly scared of commitment itself, he values the other person's trust a lot and is extremely loyal - he's just scared they're gonna get hurt. He doesn't care about rings or ceremonies, to him they're just superficial arrangements that don't mean anything. He cares about words and actions.

G = Gentle (How gentle are they, both physically and emotionally?)

Emotionally? You know when you go to open a locked door, right? And it doesn't budge, of course. Imagine Amren's the door. Now imagine that door that doesn't budge suddenly slams open outwards and knocks you back on the pavement the second you try the handle.

If he likes you, he'll go easy on you though. Might even try to be supportive. It's not gonna be very effective.

Physically? He knows he's a pretty big guy with some unique abilities. He usually stays far away from others because of that. Does that count as 'gentle'?

H = Hugs (Do they like hugs? How often do they do it? What are their hugs like?)

Go ahead. Hug him. I dare you.

Either extremely awkward or you'll feel like you're being crushed.

I = I love you (How fast do they say the L-word?)

Amren has never said nor heard those words in his life. Ever.

J = Jealousy (How jealous do they get? What do they do when they’re jealous?)

He's never really had anyone to get jealous over, but if he finds someone he actually likes pursues someone else he might get a liil green eyed. Just a smidge. And it's gonna piss him off tremendously when he figures out that that's what's happening to him.

The other person will be none the wiser, though. He will keep it under very tight wraps.

K = Kisses (What are their kisses like? Where do they like to kiss you? Where do they like to be kissed?)

Again, he has no idea how to do the whole 'affection-thing', but once he's over that he'll try. A lil clumsy, he thinks too much. Get him to relax, and it's very soft bordering on careful, mindful of his teeth and forked tongue unless you like them :). He likes forehead kisses most, both giving and receiving them.

L = Little ones (How are they around children?)

He doesn't hate kids, but mostly tries to avoid them (not a fan of loud things) but if he has to deal with them he's firm, but gentle.

He does not want any of his own he's scared they're gonna be like him.

M = Morning (How are mornings spent with them?)

Depends how the night ended. Long night working security? Out hunting? He wont see the morning, and you wont see him unless you join him for a nap. Day off? Not a morning person. Slow, a grumpy kind of tired, taking his time enjoying things like coffee etc. Secretly a fan of the mundane soft things so expect him to just hover quietly a lot while you're just chilling making breakfast.

N = Night (How are nights spent with them?)

If he trusts you, and you've shown you're comfortable with being close to him, he will take advantage of your body heat. He will wrap around you and you wont be able to stop him. He naturally runs cold, so bring a ton of blankets. You're gonna be stuck there.

If you haven't and you're staying the night, he's just gonna cover your basic needs and head to bed. You can take care of yourself, surely.

O = Open (When would they start revealing things about themselves? Do they say everything all at once or wait a while to reveal things slowly?)

Remember the door? Yeah, that. It generally takes a loooong time for that door to open even a smidge. But once it does, he's gonna pull you inside and close it behind you.

P = Patience (How easily angered are they?)

Zero patience. Amren has no time for bullshit and he's gonna make damn sure you know. Don't test him. He needs to keep himself in check.

Q = Quizzes (How much would they remember about you? Do they remember every little detail you mention in passing, or do they kind of forget everything?)

He's the kind of person who analyzes a lot, and he will remember pretty much everything you tell him - from your fav color to a funny story you wanted to share. He pays the most attention to your actions, though. He firmly believes they speak louder than words, and his opinion of you is mostly shaped by them.

R = Remember (What is their favorite moment in your relationship?)

You made him genuinely laugh. That's not easy to do.

S = Security (How protective are they? How would they protect you? How would they like to be protected?)

This snake is on guard duty almost 24/7, and it multiplies whenever someone he cares about is around. He's very quiet about it though, so it's little difficult to pick up on.

Unless there's a active threat. It wont be there for long. He has no qualms getting his hands dirty if he can't get the perpetrator to back off with words alone.

Uncomfortable being the one who's being protected, though. It's a mix of hating feeling vulnerable and hating being the reason you're in harms way. He's a hypocrite like that.

T = Try (How much effort would they put into dates, anniversaries, gifts, everyday tasks?)

For the datey-stuff, sorry fam, you're gonna need to tell him if you like these things and want them to happen. Even then, he will just straight up ask you want you want and do his best to provide it. He's in no way a romantic or very creative when it comes to these things. He does very well in remembering important dates however, and makes sure to remember and complete everyday tasks.

U = Ugly (What would be some bad habits of theirs?)

He retreats a lot and keeps up walls - even if you've gotten close to him and he trusts you. If he's in a mood about something he will not let you coax him out of it. If you try, he will pull away from you. In truth he doesn't really feel like he deserves the care, but he doesn't know how to express that. He knows he's troublesome and it's partially an 'I can fix him'-situation and he hates it. He doesn't want to put that on anyone.

Also his never ending habit of being a rude bastard carries over at the worst of times - your family might not like him much at first.

V = Vanity (How concerned are they with their looks?)

He keeps up hygiene and does exercise because of his job, but that's mostly for health reasons. He's practical, wears stuff for temperature management more than style. Doesn't really care about 'looking good', and doesn't really get why others care. He knows how to be 'presentable' at work, but it's moreso to avoid attention lmao. You could walk around in the nude and he wouldn't bat an eye.

W = Whole (Would they feel incomplete without you?)

Yep. And it frustrates him to no end that you have that effect on him.

X = Xtra (A random headcanon for them.)

He will drop prey immediately if he sees/smells it has young offspring.

Y = Yuck (What are some things they wouldn’t like, either in general or in a partner?)

Breaking promises, either to him or if he sees you do it to someone else.

Z = Zzz (What is a sleep habits of theirs?)

Torso tucked within the coils of his tail in a completely silent, warm and dark room. Sometimes mumbles in his sleep.

[dilf-in-peril]

can I say something

[teddy06]

Random Polish!Ice brainrot

Ice who grows up making Pierogi following a recipe card hand written by his great grandmother that makes enough to feed a small army

Ice who after joining the Navy doesn't have the time/money/even enough people to eat all of those pierogi so he learns to pare down the recipe to be just a few servings worth, and enlisting Slider in the long tedious cooking process.

Ice who, after he and Mav take in Bradley, makes the same pared down recipe, and teaches little Bradley how to fill and seal each Pierogi perfectly, (meanwhile mav still struggles to get it right and produces lumpy results)

Ice who makes pierogi again for roosters first dinner back at home after everything, and when roo gets there early (bc he is his fathers son) he's immediately pulled back into the assembly line they'd established so long ago

Ice who realizes that now that the daggers are also practically his kids that he can make the whole recipe again, without cutting it down. Ice who puts all the daggers through a mini pierogi making bootcamp so that they all can help out.

(It turns out that Rooster, Bob, Harvard, Coyote, Halo and Omaha master filling and sealing really easily, so their left doing that while Phoenix, Fritz, and Yale roll out dough and cut out disks of it. Fanboys pierogi are still a little misshapen but he's determined to get it right. Payback takes trays of finished pierogi back to where Ice stands in front of the stove top, ready to blanch them.)

(Hangman and Mav sit out, Hangman because "really pops it's too many cooks in the kitchen, I won't be much help" and Mav because "I was on active duty in the pierogi wars for how many years now? I am officially retired now that the reinforcements are here) (they sneak into the kitchen after dinner and bake a pretty mean dessert, so they're still contributing)

[theborzoiarebackintown]

Samara is a borzoi chaos demon and I love her

[inconsistentlywrittensoul]

Buffy Season One Review

I’m on my first Buffy rewatch in a long time - I think over a decade? I have watched the entire series enough times that the episodes are all still kind of burned into my brain, but I’m curious what my reaction will be now I’m a bit older.

Anyway, I’ve finished Season One, and I thought I might do a quick review of each season as I go. Can’t promise I’ll be able to keep it up, but I’ll give it a go. So…

Season One Review

S1 is… fine. It’s okay. It’s not as good as later seasons, but it’s not bad; it’s shallower than later seasons, but having expected that I found there’s a surprising amount of depth here. (Partly because I’m watching after reading @herinsectreflection’s excellent analyses, which inspired this most recent rewatch.)

I actually don’t think there are many bad episodes in S1 - the problem is, there’s hardly any good episodes either, and none that rise beyond just being ‘good’. They’re mostly just perfectly serviceable - the metaphors are a bit blunt, the humour’s a bit broad, the MIDI soundtrack kind of sucks, the vibes are kind of cheesy and immature, and overall, it’s just…

It’s Power Rangers. It’s a bit deeper and scarier, and the action scenes are worse, but basically, Season One is Power Rangers. And that’s not bad - I kind of like Power Rangers, and it’s not a bad season by those standards - but it’s not what Buffy is trying to be, or what it will become.

Season Score: 5/10 - It’s fine.

Big Bad - The Master:

In some ways, the Master is perfect. It makes sense that Buffy’s first villain is this kind of ancient and powerful vampire - he’s not as interesting as later villains, but it feels appropriate that Buffy has to beat this more generic Big Bad to move on to them. And he has a strong enough presence that he can actually bear the mythic weight that is placed upon him - it makes sense that he’s the one that killed Buffy, that he sired the Bisexual Vampire Squad; it never feels inappropriate that he has this important place in the mythology of the series, and he can carry that weight in his rare later appearances.

Unfortunately, in this season, he’s a Power Rangers villain. He sits in his lair, sending out minions and screaming in frustration when they fail. (Even finally facing the hero directly in the finale, beating them easily before they get a power up and return the favour - classic Power Rangers villain stuff.) He spends most of the season both trapped and sickly - while at full power he’s a compelling, intimidating presence, for most of the season he seems weak and kind of effete, like a homophobic Bond villain. At his best, he's montrous yet civilised, brutal but witty; in his weakened state, he lacks the contrasts that make him compelling.

Still, he is charming, he does work well in the finale, and he’s always a delight in his rare later appearances. So…

Big Bad Score: 5/10 - He’s fine. (... and not in that sense.)

Rewatch Reevaluations

The biggest change in my perspective since my last rewatch is around Angel. When I was younger, I didn’t really think much about the age difference between him and Buffy; now I’m older, I’m extremely aware of it, but also, it seems like the show is too. The episode where he shifts from ‘random mysterious stranger’ to ‘potential love interest’ is Teacher’s Pet - an episode about an older sexual predator preying on teenagers. Then in ‘Angel’, we don’t just see him creepily staring at Buffy, we see him lie to her about it afterwards, in an episode where the age difference is a major topic of discussion.

In general, his obsession with her comes across as way more creepy and pathetic than I remember, and while part of that is just my interpretation, I do think think the series is aware of it; I think him following her around and staring at her from afar is meant to be kind of offputting. I’m curious how I’ll feel about their romance going forward - I remember on previous watches I thought their breakup in Season 3 was unmotivated, and I suspect I’ll feel very differently about it this time around.

I’m also generally more aware of some things after reading @herinsectreflection’s essays. In particular, I’m noticing Buffy’s relationship to death - from her ‘seize the day, because tomorrow you might be dead’ philosophy in the first episode, to her rebelling against and accepting it in the last… and her Faith-like smile as she enjoys mortal combat with vampires at the beginning of ‘Prophecy Girl’. I’m also much more aware of Giles as a very flawed figure torn between paternal affection for Buffy and sending her to her death - which is explicit in a few episodes, but I’m more aware of it as an ongoing arc, rather than just some isolated emotional beats.

Other than that, one thing I’m noticing is how much weight the show gives to the death of minor characters. It’s easy for an action/horror show to start treating death casually or flippantly, but so far the show is careful to give each death an emotional impact, to make every death matter… at least ‘til the end of the episode, at which point they’ll be promptly forgotten about. Sorry Jesse.

And unsurprisingly for a 90s show, I am finding the sense of humour a little mean and kind of misogynistic, especially towards Cordelia. That said, though Xander is often the face of this meanness, I honestly don’t dislike him, even in S1. The thing is, either the show is aware that he’s being an asshole, in which case it’s an intentional character flaw, which is good; or it isn’t, in which case I tend to blame the show itself rather than the character. Maybe that’s a little generous, but it lets me enjoy the character, so I’m willing extend that generosity. I am curious how I’ll feel about him going forward. I'm glad at least Cordelia gets to be more of a character towards the end of the season - it does make the jokes around her feel a lot less mean.

Honourable Mention Award for Underrated or Forgotten Characters Who Deserve to be Mentioned Honourably

3. Zookeeper Furry from ‘The Pack’. Just a really solid one-off villain performance, in an era where performances tend towards the broad and cheesy side of the spectrum.

2. The Black Cat from ‘The Witch’. Looks like stock footage, never shares a shot or even a set with another character, and achieves nothing except slightly startling Giles, after which he just continues as if nothing happened. Yet despite doing basically nothing, it achieves greatness by earning a place in the opening credits. Truly an inspiration.

1. Principal Flutey. With how much he gets overshadowed by Principal Snyder, it’s easy to forget how great Flutey is as a character. From tearing up Buffy’s permanent record and taping it back together again in front of her, to being eaten by Hyena-possessed students, Flutey is a delight whenever he’s on screen - he’s genuinely a highlight of Season 1 for me. Principal Flutey, I salute you, and hearby mention you as honourably as I can.

Episode Rankings

Might not do this for every season, but hey, it’s a short season, so why not. Starting from the top:

'Prophecy Girl' - Obvious choice, needs no explanation.

'Angel' - Strong character work, introduces a bunch of ideas that’ll be important for the rest of the series, and solves the problem of making a single vampire a threat by giving her guns, which I respect.

'Welcome to the Hellmouth'/'The Harvest' - A solid introduction to the series; I wouldn’t call it great by most standards, but it competently introduces everything the setting, characters and the premise of the series, which is impressive in its own way. Luke is perfect in his role - he’s a compelling presence that feels like a genuine threat, but he’s not so interesting that he distracts from the important things.

'The Pack' - A solid guest performance from the zookeeper, Principal Flutey’s last stand, and some juicy thematic and character goodness makes leaves this Monster of the Week episode at the head of the pack. (… I am so terribly sorry.)

'Nightmares' - Character! Themes! Imagery! This episode has it all, at least by the standards of Season One.

'Out of Mind, Out of Sight' - The first episode that treats Cordelia like an actual character. Also, invisible assassin school! Everybody loves invisible assassin school.

'The Witch' - A perfectly competent MOTW episode, this gets a boost for featuring the cat that accomplishes nothing.

'I Robot, You Jane' - Yeah, the 90s hacker schtick is goofy, but this ep’s not bad - I like the goofy robot demon and the surprisingly good demon prosthetics for its non-robot body that barely appears in the episode. I like the idea that scanning a magic book can summon a demon into the internet itself. Also, Jenny’s here.

'Teacher’s Pet' - Another MOTW episode that does its job adequately. I’m inclined to think of this as the Most Typical Season 1 Episode - it perfectly represents the season at its baseline.

'Puppet Show' - I kind of like some of the ideas in this episode, but the puppet’s a creep and parts of the plot feel contrived. (Why are they sure the demon will leave as soon as it has the organs? Why would Giles get into a guillotine under any circumstances?) Overall… Eh, it’s fine.

'Never Kill A Boy on the First Date' - There’s some good stuff in here, especially around Buffy’s relationship to Giles and to her own Slayerhood. Unfortunately, the plot just doesn’t work - even this early on, one vampire just doesn’t feel like enough of a threat to build an episode around, and generic serial killer vamp is no exception - he's certainly no Luke. It’s a plot entirely concerned with setting up the larger arc around the Anointed One, and that would leave this episode feeling empty and boring even if it was for an arc that was actually, you know, good.

So that's Season One. I enjoyed it fine, but... I'm definitely looking forward to the series really getting good. If somehow you've actually read this far: Thank you for putting my words into your brain. I take it as a great compliment, and hope you liked them - or, failing that, that they invoked in you a great fury, such as only the worst opinions may conjure.

In any case - and regardless of whether I can be bothered to write any more of these - I will continue my rewatch into the Actually Good seasons of Buffy.

[kaidanalenkosprmanager]

THE BEST OF ATTICAN TRAVERSE: KROGAN TEAM

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[carnivalcarriondiscarded]

thinking so so hard about LaughingStock and how that'd go down. disastrously, probably