#The only reason we'd sell instead just giving away

[elronds-meleth-nin]

Ancient Script

This is for my dear friend @bigblissandlove1! Thank you so much for putting up with me screaming about this brainrot! I hope you enjoy this fic, my friend.

I'm not tagging anyone else in this, because the taglist I set up was for a whole other fic outside of RoP. If anyone wants to be tagged in future fics from The Hobbit, LotR, or RoP, please let me know! This is an AU fic in 2 regards: 1.) Soulmate AU 2.) it's set in the early Third Age - Adar is presumed dead by Sauron who has taken control of the Uruks, and he's biding his time in a small village while he concocts a plan.

Cross-posted to AO3 here.

~*~

Adar (RoP) x Reader

[A/N: This is fluff with a couple of mentions of violence, but nothing graphic.]

Warnings: Soulmate AU, Uruk/Human romance, kissing, soulmarks are your soulmate's name in their handwriting, he falls first, he kills a man to protect her but it's not graphic.

~*~

The shop selling arms and armor had been around in our village longer than I'd been alive, and certainly longer than the seven years I'd lived there. The shop owner, a rather private Ellon, wasn't exactly outgoing, at least, not to most people in the village.

But me...he would actively ask how I was when I passed each morning on my delivery route from the baker's shop. Perhaps it was because the scent of freshly baked bread was irresistible. Or maybe his lack of conversation with the others had made him lonely and desperate enough to try and interact with the one person who had never been rude to him.

The others seemed to find it acceptable to be less courteous just because he was different. I never did, though. My parents had taught me to be kind to all, even before we'd picked up and moved from the next village over for an opportunity for my father's business to grow.

So, every morning as I made deliveries up and down the main road, I eagerly looked forward to the moment when he'd open the door to his shop and allow me a brief conversation - that was more than most people got when they weren't discussing the particulars of a transaction with him.

This morning was only slightly different. Usually, I delivered to his end of the road first, but today I needed to make sure I ended there, instead. So, in reverse order, I made my way steadily toward his shop, breathing a sigh of relief when I saw his door open as usual when I was only a few steps away.

"There you are," he rasped as a small smile stretched his lips. "I had begun to wonder if you had forgotten me this morning."

"Oh, no! Never, sir," I said as I pulled his usual weekly order out of my basket, neatly wrapped in baker's cloth and tied with a little string. His fingertips brushed mine as he took it, and I let out a huff of nervous laughter. "Actually, I had a reason to save you for last, today. Assuming that your shop is already open, of course. If not, I can always come back later."

"For you, my door is always open, my lady," he said taking a step back and gesturing for me to come inside. I'd never actually been in his shop before.

"Thank you, sir," I murmured slipping in and trying to stay out of his way.

The scent of leather and metal, polish and grit permeated the air within the store, giving the whole place the feeling of an army at rest. Gleaming plate armor, razor-sharp swords, knives of nearly-infinite variety, and bows that looked lethal even at a glance were all neatly arranged on shelves and wall hooks.

I should've come here sooner.

"Now, what was so important that you felt you must rearrange your entire morning?" The Ellon asked as he laid the wrapped loaf of bread on the desk where he changed coin and made trades.

"Ah, 'tis twofold," I said as I opened my bag and pulled out my small, sheathed dagger. The shimmering blue stone laid into the hilt glinted as brightly in the morning light as it did the day my grandfather had given it to me. "The lower priority of the two would be my dagger. I lent it to one of my neighbors, and, well..."

Carefully unsheathing it, I showed him the now-split blade.

"If it is beyond repair, I certainly understand, but..." I shrugged, and he lifted the blade, inspecting its surface with his experienced eye.

"Not at all. This is easily fixed. I can have it for you by tomorrow morning," he murmured, laying it gently - almost reverently - on his desk and looking at me curiously. "And the second of your needs, my lady?"

Subconsciously, I ran my thumb over the cloth that covered my illegible soulmark. I knew whoever it was likely couldn't be entirely certain that I truly existed or, like me, could not read my name where it was inked upon their skin, but touching it even indirectly was still a comfort.

"I need to find a gift for my father. His birthday is in a fortnight, and I was wondering if, perhaps, I could examine your bows?"

He smiled at that.

"Certainly. Come with me." The Ellon led me to one of the large displays at the side, adjusting the sleeve of his tunic as he did so. When we reached the long line of curved and carved wood, I felt an answering touch through my soulmark - something so delicate that I could never be certain if I was just imagining things or if it was real. "If you already have a particular style in mind, then pay me no attention, but I must admit I am familiar with your father's current - let us say 'well-loved' - weapon. This, perhaps, might suit his needs and accommodate his firing style."

Lifting an intricately-carved bow from the rack, he strung it in one much-too-smooth movement that made my breath hitch. Clearly Elvish in design, that bow was finer than any that either my father or I owned.

"I know that you are an archer yourself, my lady. Come, feel the flex," he said moving around me and coaxing the carved grip into my hand. His chest pressed lightly against my back as I gave the string a pull mimicking aiming an arrow. His breath fanned lightly over my scalp, and when he spoke again, I fought not to blush. "You have excellent form. Anyone who opposed you would be doomed from the beginning."

His voice was low and gentle...intimate, in a way. I tried not to think about how luxuriant it would be to hear that soft, raspy voice murmur my name on a cold winter's night when we were curled up in front of a crackling fire.

A familiar shard of guilt wound through me. What would my soulmate, whoever they were, think of me fantasizing about someone else?

Slowly releasing the bowstring, I tried to tamp down my thoughts.

"This will be perfect." Thankfully, my voice betrayed none of my internal conflict, and I was gifted a small, pleased smile as he led me back to his desk. I'd never seen him smile at anyone else. Solemn yet polite, the Ellon before me seemed rather detached from everything in the village save his work, as if he was waiting for something...as if we were a mere respite from a path he must sooner or later traverse.

Fifty years was a long time to wait, but to him, I supposed, it must be a mere blink. Lives like those around him in the village must be barely worthy of his attention.

I'd be forgotten as quickly as wind whispered through the trees.

What must it be like to be significant enough to warrant even half that recognition in the eyes of one as long-lived as he? I heard my father and one of his business associates discussing the topic over mugs of ale one night in the tavern. Each believed he was several hundreds of years old. My father with all his knowledge of Elves had mused aloud after his friend left that he would not be surprised to find that our resident Ellon merchant had accrued over a thousand years of life.

"Scars like that," he'd said, "are the kind one gets in great wars. The last of which was a very long time ago, indeed."

I was inclined to agree, but where others saw a fearsome, intimidating being not to be approached unless necessity demanded it, I'd found a kindred spirit. He might not be outgoing and overly cheerful, but he was kind. His strength was beyond that of a mortal's, yet he could hold freshly-baked bread so gently that his fingers left no impression.

Even as he wrapped my father's new bow, including a few extra neatly-coiled bowstrings, I couldn't help but wonder how many people had judged him so harshly over the years? How many had feared him so severely that nobody even knew his name? It was true that I knew it not, but that came rather from a sense of embarrassment than fear. After all, what is a tactful way of asking a person's name after years of trying to be respectful without prying into his business? Admitting that nobody in the village knew it would only emphasize how different he was...how lonesome and separate he appeared compared to everyone else.

Oh, damn my fears! I was going to ask him, even if it took all my courage. He deserved to be called by his name as was respectful. For the moment, though, I drew my attention back to the present.

"What do I owe you, sir?" I asked as I reached in my satchel for my little drawstring bag of coins. I'd saved up for long weeks. A quality bow like the one he'd shown me could easily cost fifteen gold pieces. Taking on extra work and small tasks outside of the bakery, I'd managed to save seventeen gold pieces and a few silvers - enough for the bow and repairs for my dagger.

As he tied the wrapping with thick twine, he glanced up at me and, with an entirely straight face, muttered "three gold pieces."

I froze. That couldn't be correct!

"Forgive me, sir, I...I believe I misheard you–" I stammered, but he cut me off.

"No, indeed, my lady. You heard correctly." He looked as serene as the morning dew, green eyes giving away nothing.

"B-But, sir, if I paid such a low price, that would be tantamount to theft! I could not possibly abuse you so!"

He lifted an eyebrow at my assertion.

"Have you, or have you not been instructing the baker to take half of the price of my regular order of bread out of your wages for the last seven years, my lady?"

I blinked, and words failed me for a long beat.

"How did you...?" He gave me a knowing look even as my tongue trailed uselessly off into silence.

"Did you think I would not notice that the price I'd been paying for years was cut in half after a mere week of your employment?"

As a matter of fact, I'd hoped he would assume it was a mere coincidence.

"I have been, but–"

"Then, my lady, please allow me this small liberty," he said walking around his desk to stand before me. "You surely have paid for this bow several times over by now."

My cheeks burned under the intensity of his gaze, but I persisted.

"I did not do so with the expectation of repayment–"

"Very well, then," he murmured, "two gold pieces."

My lips parted in surprise.

"Sir–" Silencing me with a raised hand, he smirked.

"The more you argue, the lower my price. I believe we are currently at one gold piece. Shall we descend into silvers?" Mischief danced in his eyes, but he was serious in his assertion.

"Why are you doing this?" I asked before I could think better of it.

"Because it pleases me," he said looking at me with a steady, constant expression. "Does one need a reason to be kind?"

I felt as though I'd been struck. I'd asked him the same question less than a month after beginning my job with the baker. He'd remembered! I'd thought it was a trivial sort of question at the time, but I suppose if he'd remembered it, I must've struck a chord within him.

"But I don't even know your name," I stammered in a last ditch effort to convince him I wasn't worth his losing so much money.

"Do you think I am unaware of that fact? I have not told it to anyone in decades. None here know it, yet you are the only one who cares that you do not know." He brushed an errant strand of hair behind my ear with the sort of delicacy that one would not expect a weapons merchant to possess. "You see me. That is why it pleases me to make this easier for you."

It took every ounce of self-control within me not to tilt my head and lean into his touch. His gaze dropped to my lips, and he licked his own - a barely-there flick of his tongue that I would've missed had I blinked but an instant earlier.

"If...you still wish to know my name when you retrieve your dagger in the morning, I shall tell it to you, my lady," he murmured even quieter than before.

"Surely you will allow me to pay the correct price for that, sir?" I asked, and a measure of mirth flickered across his expression as he lowered his hand.

"The correct price for you, my lady, would be absolutely nothing. In that regard, yes, I will be charging you the correct price," he stated in a tone that brooked no argument. "I look forward to seeing you come the morn. You may wish to take your father's gift home before he returns so that it might remain a secret."

Nodding silently, I laid three gold pieces on the desk and picked up the wrapped package. Thanking him, I made for the door, hoping that he would not notice the extra coins - surely he knew I couldn't allow him to undercharge me so severely? Before I'd made it more than two steps, however, one of his arms slid around my waist, stopping me in my tracks like a bar of steel.

"Not so fast, meleth," he breathed against the shell of my ear, and I heard the clinking of two coins as they dropped back into my bag. "A valiant attempt, I must admit. I shall see you on the morrow."

Throughout the long walk home, I could not rid myself of the sensation of his lips brushing against my ear nor his breath slightly stirring the hair upon my scalp. The ghostly memory of his arm catching my waist stayed with me until I fell asleep at nearly midnight.

--

Adar could remember the day her name appeared on his arm more clearly than almost any other - a feat for a being with many thousands of years under his belt. He'd been preparing to open his shop for the day when pain lanced across the inside of his forearm. His scars ached occasionally, but this pain was so sharp and different that he'd nearly dropped the newly-forged sword he was preparing to put on display.

Tugging his sleeve back, there it was: her name written in curling, shaky, yet careful font - the way her handwriting would look. He'd been so amazed that he had been given a soulmate after so long that he'd simply dropped onto a stool and stared at his arm for a time. Before her name appeared, he hadn't even been certain that his heavily scarred skin would allow him to see a name should one choose to appear, but now that he had his answer, he faced a new problem.

Should his soulmate have to face the burden of his existence when he was so twisted and broken? Morgoth's scars marred nearly every inch of his body, his face inspired fear in everyone he encountered, and he'd even failed his children. They'd fallen under Sauron's control again, and as they believed him dead, there was no chance they'd listen to him. They'd sooner believe he was a fraud than their father.

For several years, he'd covered the mark, barely daring to check if it was still there when he washed himself. Eventually though, as the years passed, he noticed that his soulmate would touch her own mark almost compulsively. Perhaps she was nervous and simply attempting to calm herself...

The first few times it happened, he ignored it, believing the gentle touch to be no more than a figment of his imagination, but after a while, he ached with the thought that she might believe that she was not wanted. He began following her caresses with a gentle one of his own. He hoped that it was enough that she would not give in to that fear.

Her existence was a miracle to him, even if she could not read his name. He knew she would be unable to, for the language to which he was accustomed had not been written in many thousands of years.

The day he first saw her, too, was vividly embedded in his mind.

A knock had sounded at the door to his shop. He'd ignored it the first time. The baker's delivery boy - unreliable as he was - typically knocked, leaving his wrapped bread upon the doorstep before scurrying away from his threshold as if it was diseased. Adar assumed that it was he who knocked that morning, so he went on as usual. After a few seconds, however, a second knock sounded, accompanied by a feminine voice.

"Delivery from the baker," came the call though the wooden door. Adar had been so surprised that he laid aside his work and opened the door without any further hesitation.

She was beautiful. The early morning sun illuminated her kind, smiling face in a manner befitting one of the Valar. Expecting her to flee upon her first glance at his face, the Uruk was stunned when her nervous smile widened a fraction.

"Good morning, sir," she chirped happily as she pulled his wrapped loaf of bread from her little basket. "I kept everything well-covered, so it should still be warm from the oven."

Accepting the bundle from her with a quiet, stunned rasp of 'thank you, my lady,' Adar couldn't help but watch as she gave a little curtsy and headed on toward the next shop. The cool, gentle breeze had teased her hair and skirt, and he wanted nothing more than to wrap her up in his softest blanket so that she would not feel the chill.

One as radiant and lovely as she did not deserve to live in anything less than the most luxurious sort of comfort. His heart had not stirred like that in...he could not remember the last time it had.

He'd heard someone call her name that afternoon - the same name that was etched indelibly on his forearm - and that had startled him more than anything ever had before. This warm ray of light was his soulmate? What had he done to deserve her? He, who was cracked and broken, scarred and burned...none could ever be worthy of her, most especially not him.

A servant of darkness, one marred and twisted by its shadows, should have nothing to do with such a being of light and joy.

Merely a week later, he'd placed his usual order with the baker, and he'd been asked for half of what he usually owed. At his own prodding confusion, the rotund little Man behind the counter had told him with a mischievous twinkle in his eye that someone thought kindly of him. It was not difficult to guess who it was. With all of her smiles and kind words, her unfailingly cheerful greetings whenever she saw him, Adar knew at once that it was her.

She tried to keep it secret, never once bringing up the topic, but he tried to repay her kindness with conversation. He'd been rusty, at first - he still was - but he didn't know how else to show her his gratitude.

Then, one day, he was afforded an opportunity to do so. Traders came through periodically, both seeking and offering wares. Most were well-behaved, exhausted people who wanted no more than to earn a living, but occasionally, there was an outlier among them. A trouble-maker.

One such passed through barely a year hence, and Adar had not liked the way his gaze lingered upon his lady as she made her morning rounds. He watched her too intently and for too long a duration for one with innocent thoughts in mind. No, the Uruk had seen too many over the years with such a glint in their dark, soulless eyes.

When she reached Adar's shop that morning, he'd glared at her evil shadow before gently grasping her hand and suggesting in a low voice that she keep her dagger handy until that particular caravan had left. She'd given him a reassuring smile and pulled the edge of her shawl back just far enough to show him the hilt where it was already strapped at her waist.

He'd never been so proud in all his life, but that didn't stop him from keeping a close eye on her for the rest of the day. None had noticed that his shop was closed with freshly-scattered alfirin seeds before it that afternoon, nor had the filth watching her seen that he was being followed by death's ruined right hand. The trader had followed her halfway back to her home and had begun to catch up with her when a flash of black and silver tugged him silently behind a tree.

The only sound that heralded the scum's death was a snap. She'd turned to look for what had made the noise, believing it to be a branch, and when she found nothing, she made her way safely home.

Her Uruk protector had disposed of the body beside a field where wild horses grazed, laying an empty bottle of spirits beside him. The next morning when the corpse was found, it was obvious to all that he'd gotten drunk, tried to ride one of the beasts, and had been thrown to his death. Adar guarded her door each night until the caravan left. The alfirin seeds had sprouted within mere days, and if any in the village had known their true meaning, the white blooms would have screamed his deed to the world.

But none were the wiser, and his lady was safe. That was all that mattered to him.

Fixing her dagger now was nothing less than a privilege. He'd told her it was easily repaired. In truth, it needed to be reforged. He'd shut his shop for the day and rolled up his sleeves to begin the work.

In the morning, after sharpening the blade's edge, he unlocked his shop door and awaited her arrival. He'd told her that she'd have his name today if she was still interested, but...he was tempted to give her more than that...to show her his mark. His self-indulgent moments when he showed her the bow and when he'd returned her coins had carved themselves upon his heart, stirring within him the desire to hold her again and never let go.

He'd been alone for so long that he now felt like a drowning man each time her eyes met his. She was so close, yet just out of reach. Could she see how much she meant to him? Could she tell that he would save, burn, or change the world entirely at her behest?

The door creaked inward, drawing him out of his thoughts. She was back. He stood straighter as she approached.

"Good morning, my lady." The tentative smile she gave him showed him all that he needed to know. It was time that he told her everything. If she rejected him, well...he'd come to expect pain. It would not surprise him, though, it would be worse than anything he'd yet experienced.

--

"Good morning," I murmured in return. My heart raced in my chest, and I hoped that my voice didn't sound as nervous as I felt. Smoothing my dress a bit further, I approached his desk. "I hope I haven't put you to any trouble."

"Not at all," he answered with a small smile as he lifted my dagger from his desk. "Come, let me show you what I have done."

I did as he asked, moving closer and paying entirely too much attention to the way his large hands dwarfed my little blade. He pulled it carefully from the sheath, showing me his handiwork. He'd polished it, too. The scent floated through the air in a familiar curl.

"Oh, it looks as good as new!" I exclaimed as he handed it carefully to me. The leather grip on the hilt had been replaced and even the balance had improved! "I cannot thank you enough, sir, truly."

"It was my honor, my lady," he said as I passed the blade back. He slid it neatly into its sheath. "Do be cautious. I gave it a quick pass over the whetstone this morning. 'Tis sharper than before."

"Are you sure you won't accept at least some sort of payment?" I asked, and he gave me a mock-stern look. I raised my hands in surrender. "My apologies."

"Gladly accepted."

After a long pause, I finally asked what I'd wanted to.

"May I still ask your name, sir? If your mind has changed, or if you simply do not wish to reveal it, I swear I will not press you on the matter."

He was quiet for a long enough moment that I nearly began pouring forth apologies.

"You are the only one I have wished to tell," he admitted. "You may call me Adar."

Adar. I knew that word from somewhere, but I couldn't quite place it.

"Thank you, Adar. I shan't tell a soul without your permission," I promised, and with an appreciative nod, he held out my sheathed dagger.

"Tell me," he rasped, not relinquishing his hold on my weapon quite yet, "why do you keep your forearm covered?"

I gave a nervous laugh, unable to maintain eye contact with him.

"I...My soulmark is there. I can't read it. Never have I encountered a language quite like it...whatever it might be."

He gave a small smile.

"I can read it." Adar's assertion snapped my gaze up to meet his once more.

"Sir?"

"If you would prefer that I not, that is entirely your prerogative, but I can almost guarantee you that I will be able to read it." When I hesitated, he lowered his voice to a whisper. "Let me help you, my lady."

Quickly stowing my blade in my bag, I began to unwrap the fabric I kept tied over my arm. As I did so, the need to explain myself pulled a flood of words from me.

"I'm not ashamed of my soulmate, whoever they might be, but after a while, the looks I got when people glimpsed the writing...the pity, the confusion...the explanations became a bit tiresome. Besides, it is nobody's business save me and my soulmate," I murmured as the last bit of the cloth came free and fell away revealing the stark, black marks on my arm. Adar moved just a bit closer, a small smile stretching his lips as he caught my arm gently in his grasp. "Can...? Do you recognize it?"

For a moment, he was silent, only nodding his head in response, but that was enough to send my heart racing in my chest. That was more than anyone had told me about my mark in all my years.

"I have not seen this language written in an Age," he breathed, and after a long moment, his eyes met mine. "I am certain that if you knew the answer, you would regret inquiring about your soulmate's identity."

I couldn't hide my confusion.

"What do you mean? No matter who they are, if the marks are any indication, I can handle it. I have never known them to be wrong," I said, and he looked back down at my arm. "Please. You are the only hope I have of ever being able to read it."

His grip on my arm loosened somewhat, as if he was expecting me to tear myself from his grasp.

"I...have not used this name in thousands of years," he whispered tracing the first half of the dark runes, "but it was still mine. I prefer Adar, now, but...your mark seems to have taken that into account."

My lips parted in surprise, but I was frozen as he traced his fingertips lightly, carefully over the rest of the marks near my wrist.

"Just after that slight separation is the name you would now recognize as mine," he murmured, then he lifted my wrist and placed a kiss onto my mark, reverent and affectionate. The ancient writing tingled and sparked over and beneath my skin, sending a wave of pleasure through me.

He released my arm and tugged back his own sleeve, showing me my scrawled name on his scarred forearm. Carefully, afraid that he'd disappear, that this would turn out to have just been a dream, I touched him just as he'd done.

"For whole Ages, my arm was blank. There were others whose marks were slow to appear, but those whom I knew waited mere centuries. I was convinced that I was not destined for that fate," Adar admitted as I touched the first letter of my name. "I wondered...if I would even be able to read a name should it appear on my skin, or if it would appear as twisted as my scars."

As a tear slipped down my cheek, I kissed his arm as he'd done to mine. The slight gasp that escaped him was like ambrosia for my soul.

"I'm so sorry. You waited for so long, and all you got for your trouble was a mortal with terrible penmanship..." I trailed off with a sniffle, but he tilted my chin up with his free hand and shook his head.

"It is beautiful, because it is yours. It tethered me to you. This mark meant that I was no longer alone." His soft, rasping voice was filled with emotion. "Do not apologize for giving me hope when I'd dared not cling to it for such a long time. I should be begging your forgiveness, my lady. You do not deserve one as unworthy as I."

I shook my head in protest.

"Only I decide what I deserve. If anything, it is I who does not deserve you," I murmured. "You who have lived so many lives...having seen and experienced things I could scarcely imagine..."

I reached up slowly so that he could stop me if he wished, but he made no move to do so. My fingertips brushed his cheeks as lightly as was physically possible.

"I could want no other but you. I have felt guilt for so long. I could not read my mark, but I felt when my soulmate touched his. And yet, I knew that I had lost my heart to you the day we met." My confession felt like the sweetest relief. "If that name had belonged to any other, I would have been distraught."

Adar leaned into my touch, closing his eyes and drawing a slow breath. Twin tears escaped, dripping down his face in an asynchronous race.

"Now that I have you, I cannot give you back, meleth," he warned as he stepped closer and rested his forehead against mine.

"Then, keep me," I whispered, and his lips finally, finally met mine.

~*~

Taglist:

@bigblissandlove1

[sonicboomseason3]

Amy + Shadow + Eggman.

🧭💅🌕

(idk, i'm just trying to make it as random as i can)

ask game: send me AT LEAST 3 emojis (the more random the better) and AT LEAST 2 characters from sonic boom and i’ll come up with a little drabble in response!

"It's a beautiful night tonight," Amy remarks as she briefly looks up and out her window. "There's even a full moon out. Should we go out stargazing after this?"

"What? You promised we'd play Fuzzy Puppies!" Eggman's voice comes out in a borderline whine. "I didn't cancel my plans to attack the village tonight just to look at some stupid stars, you know."

"They're not stupid," Amy protests. "And we can do both! We can just set the game up outside."

"Okay, fair. As long as the wind doesn't blow the pieces away, I'm game."

Amy nods and resumes what she was doing before: painting Eggman's nails red and yellow, alternating colors between each finger. The two of them scheduled this hangout a few days ago to celebrate the release of the new Fuzzy Puppies figurine, Chunky Chihuahua. Despite how highly coveted it was and still is, Amy somehow got her hands on it on the first day through means that Eggman is desperate to uncover when they play later. That's really the only reason he agreed to be here tonight. That, along with his belief in the importance of nail care.

He wasn't really aware that Shadow would also be here until he ran into him in front of Amy's door earlier, though he certainly isn't complaining about the additional company.

He turns his head to acknowledge the third person in the room. "What about you, Shadow? Do you wanna be Fuzzy Puppy buddies with us?"

Shadow is lying on his back on Amy's other couch, his hands folded across his chest in relaxation. Between his facial mask and the two slices of cucumbers on top of his eyes, his expression is even more difficult to read than usual. Thankfully, for what his countenance lacks in clarity, his words more than make up for it. "I'd rather be mauled by real dogs."

"Oh come on, it's real fun. Don't let the name fool you, it's a legitimate game that centers around strategy, cunning, and aggression—"

"I know what the game entails, you buffoon. Dave keeps talking about it and trying to get me to join him. My answer to you is the same one as the one I always give him. Unless they start selling a spinoff featuring cats and not dogs, I have zero interest." He peels a cucumber slice off of one of his eyes so he can shoot Eggman a warning look. "Now stop with this absurd offer of yours before I forcibly oust you from this house."

His glare may have been a bit more effective if he didn't look the way he currently does, but Eggman nevertheless figures that it may be best if he doesn't ruin one of the few times he isn't actively on Shadow's bad side. "Alright, yeesh. If this hypothetical cat spinoff ever comes out, don't expect me to play with you when you show up at my door."

Shadow scoffs but says nothing, instead opting to toss the cucumber slice in his mouth rather than putting it back on his eye. Once he swallows it, he grabs a chocolate chip cookie from the platter on the coffee table. He and Amy scheduled this hangout a few days ago to eat some of the treats she baked. Despite his aversion to the idea of friendship, Shadow ultimately decided that indulging his sweet tooth would be worth the various sacrifices he would have to make to his established character. That's really the only reason he agreed to be here tonight. That, along with his belief in the importance of exfoliation.

He wasn't really aware that Eggman would also be here until he ran into him in front of Amy's door earlier, and he certainly is complaining about the additional company. In his head.

"You know, speaking of the full moon being out, I have this recurring dream where I destroy half of it with a giant laser," Eggman supplies as a change in topic. "Not sure why."

Amy stops in the middle of putting the second coat of nail polish on his right middle finger to look up at him, a mixture of horror, confusion, and anger on her face. Shadow also looks a little taken aback as he devours his cookie and reaches for the next one, even if he seems to be doing his utter best to completely ignore him.

"What? I'm not saying I'd actually do it!" Eggman cries. "Do you know how many negative effects that would have on the planet? That's not my brand of villainy!"

Amy exhales in relief. "Good." She'd much rather not have to send Knuckles up to space again. Her contentment transforms into irritation when she hears an especially loud crunch coming from Shadow. She turns to glare at him. "Shadow, will you stop eating while you're lying on my couch?! You're going to get crumbs everywhere!" She pauses as she looks down at the cookie platter. Assessing its contents, she adds with even more annoyance, "And don't eat all the chocolate chip! Save some for Eggman!"

Shadow doesn't verbally respond to any of her demands. He simply turns his head to stare at her with his single open eye as he takes an additional two chocolate chip cookies from the platter. He stacks them underneath the cookie he already started eating, then chomps down on all three with his fangs, making sure the ensuing CRUNCH echoes throughout the entire house. He continues to stare at her.

"Ugh." Amy is the one to break eye contact first, because of course she is. She can't even say she's surprised at the lack of respect in the face of all her hospitality.

She scheduled separate hangouts with Eggman and Shadow a few days ago as part of her efforts to be the bigger person. She even tempted them with sweets, board games, and cosmetology!

And then they showed up at her front door together, one looking far more enthused than the other, and it was then that Amy knew that she accidentally double-booked. Maybe she can't complain, since she knows for a fact that things could be going a lot worse than they actually are.

"He can have all the chocolate chip he wants, it's an overrated flavor anyway. A snickerdoodle though? That's where it's—hey. Hey!" In the middle of his sentence, Eggman finally looks down at Amy's handiwork and becomes indignant. "Don't paint Orbot and Cubot's faces on my nails! What makes you think I want those two buckets of bolts anywhere on my body?!"

"You wanted red and yellow!"

"Yes, to go with my coat, not my robots!"

"Well then, sorry!" Amy snaps as she uses her finger to rub Orbot and Cubot's faces away. What a shame; she thinks she did a pretty good job with them. "What do you actually want to put on your nails? Because they feel too plain with just the colors."

"Hm..." Eggman purses his lips and rubs his chin with the hand Amy isn't in the middle of fixing, taking extra care to not accidentally rub any still wet nail polish against his skin. "Hmmm... Hmmmmmmmm..."

"Get on with it," Shadow, staring up at the ceiling, grunts as he munches on a snickerdoodle, having already gone through all of the chocolate chip. Amy's fairly certain his choice to go through the snickerdoodles next is solely to spite Eggman.

Eggman throws his hand up in the air in a well-what-can-you-do fashion. "Draw a compass pointing north on my pointer finger."

Amy levels him with a very puzzled look.

"What," Shadow mutters incredibly judgmentally.

"Hey, come on, don't either of you get it? Compass pointing north on my pointer finger? I point at things a lot?" When neither of them have a visible epiphany, he rolls his eyes and sighs at what he perceives to be their slowness. "It symbolizes that I have a sense of direction! When I point at you and your team and yell, 'ROBOTS, ATTAAAAAACK!' it shows that I lead my creations!"

"Okay, but... a compass of all things?" Amy questions. If There are so many other things that can carry the same message. For example, there is the classic arrow, which would definitely look a lot better on a fingernail than a freaking compass.

"You have no so-called 'sense of direction.' If you did, you would have already conquered this pathetic village long ago. In addition, you wouldn't be sitting around the house of one of your enemies getting a beauty treatment."

Amy wisely chooses to ignore Shadow and his blatant hypocrisy in favor of trying to understand Eggman's muse. "And why do you want it to point north anyway?"

"Oh, easy. To represent my eventual rise in power once I build my theme park," Eggman explains casually. "It's important to have aspirations. Reaching for the heavens, you know."

"Eggman..."

"Did this fool just imply that he thinks that north is the same thing as up? As in the direction of the sky? Or 'the heavens,' as he calls it?"

"What's wrong with..." Eggman pauses as it dawns on him. "Oh. Well, it's the direction closest to being up! It's not any less up than east is!"

"Hey, it's okay, you don't have to justify this," Amy cuts in quickly before he can get too into defending his logic. Mainly because she knows that once he truly starts, there's no shutting him up. "I'll paint you your compass if that's what you really want."

"Sure. And when one of the villagers asks him which way is north, he can use that finger to point upwards," Shadow says snidely, as he grabs the very last cookie off the platter. Raising it to his lips, he adds, "Given the average intelligence level of these people, they'll believe him, too."

Eyeing the cleaned plate warily, Amy makes a silent note to bake a bigger batch of cookies next time. That, or prohibit Shadow from gaining any access to them and miraculously getting him to comply with that.

"It doesn't hurt to be a little less mean, Shadow," Eggman chides as Amy resumes her work on his nails. "What would Maria think if she saw you with this attitude of yours?"

"Who's Maria?" a clearly uncaring Shadow asks through a giant mouthful of oatmeal raisin.

"My cousin. And I think you asking that just set off everyone reading this, so we should wrap this up now."

Shadow only hums noncommittally, peeling the cucumber slice from his other eye and popping it into his mouth.

[the-light-finds-its-way]

Mom got out of ICU today, and put into a normal hospital room. My family went to go see her, and as for myself and my siblings, it was basically the first time in 3 weeks that we'd seen her.

She was covered in giant tender bruises from head to toe. Thankfully, only 2 IVs were in versus the original 7, and she was down to one pole that held the bags, while the rest were hooked to the bed. The blood clot in her leg has grown, and is breaking up at last, or so we assume. But mom can't walk because it hurts so bad. She has mesh in her lungs now to prevent the clots from reaching them again, which will kill her if they do. Additionally, she's on oxygen for the time being. And, there's a chance when she comes home, that she'll have to remain on oxygen tanks, and if that's the case then nobody is sure how long. But I've got this awful gut feeling telling me mom will be on the tanks for the rest of her life... I don't know, and have no way of knowing, but that's just what my stupid gut is saying to me. It'll be minimally 3-5 more days before she's released to go home. It could be more, and something inside also tells me it's going to be longer. But mom says she's doing the best she has been since the first surgery 3 weeks ago. Her nurses are really nice, super sweet, and they playfully poked (hehe) at my needle weenie self who had to turn away when they drew blood from her.

My anxiety didn't help when a $86 bill went through on my bank account that's already overdrawn by Gods only know how much... I'll be damned lucky if I make $150 for this paycheck. And an artist I commissioned back in March last year for a November finishing time on a piece, was late and is now almost finished in January. I'll have to pay him the other $175 soon, and I don't know when, and if I'll even have a single dollar to spare by then... There's another draft I have coming, on the 16th, for the retirement fund my father forces me to pay into unless I want to give him $100 for literally no reason, minimally once a month but possibly more, instead of the $75 for the fund once a month. So I go for the fund. And then, I have to somehow pay for my therapy appointment in another 10 days as well. I'm really not sure if I can do all this. I ditched college to work more, and as soon as I did, they cut me down to one day a week for the next 4 weeks, and there are no people I can cover because everyone is scrambling with trying to get more than 25 hours per week. Fuckers. Try living off 8 a week, when you just told the boss you're free all day every day at any time, and they won't even schedule you for 1/3 of what everyone else is working part time, let alone full time.

I'm so scared, so lost... I was hoping to get a ticket to go see Blind Guardian in May, but they're selling fast and I'm not sure when I'll ever have the money, if I will have the money, to get one in time... Not like I've waited 9 years to go see them live for the first time ever... I somehow have to save $32 for a train ticket as well by mid February, to go to the city for something I'd planned 7 months ago. And then, I planned a trip with friends which I may not be able to do if this keeps going downhill with my money... I already have to pay for a con we are going to as well in September. And I'm just... Fucking distraught. I planned my entire year around the fact that I'd be working full time and get more money. And work kicked my ass with a giant fuck you immediately upon me making those plans.

Fuck my life. Give me my healthy mom back, and $1000. Please... I'm fucking desperate and broken...

[robynqueenofstuff]

Sleeping Beauty - why is the only solution to take the baby and never see her until she's 16?

I mean they piss off Maleficent [who granted was already pissed and probably caused havoc anyway] and then after the curse are like "welp guess we'd better take the kid away" no other options. No attempts to mislead the witch, no attempts to kill the bitch, just guess we better hide the baby.

not to mention they then get excited about raising the child which the parents won't be able to do. and I just don't see it happening. they are the only ones who benefit from this.

They'd be pissed. they might wonder if that is what the fairies wanted all along. especially since they didn't even attempt to find a way to break the curse. they don't want to give up their long awaited child for sixteen years for a threat that won't come for years [maleficent says herself aurora will grow up!]

it could result in division between the heroes and even resentment.

so I thought "What if the parents refuse unless a way for them to see their child is made?" what if the fairies create disguises for the king and queen as peasants so they can visit their child or what If they decide to go into hiding entirely?

They make it clear they will not send their much-longed-for child away. The fairies present the alternative. that night they disappear under the cover of darkness, a council of their most trusted advisors is assembled to govern the kingdom and they leave a notice stating that they will return someday. they leave breadcrumbs to throw Maleficent off their trail, hinting they have gone overseas rather than a cottage deep in the woods.

they live with the fairies who have joined them in disguise for extra protection. The king shaves his facial hair off and cuts his locks. the queen removes her makeup and ties her hair back. they wear much plainer clothes and it's remarkable how little they are recognised.

The king sees first-hand how his subjects live, with the spinning wheels destroyed they must sew by hand. the goblins invade houses to search for Aurora. the children they do find....it disturbs them to hear and causes many a sleepless night. there is fear everywhere. poverty has increased. they can hear Maleficent's laughter ringing in their ears every time they lie down to sleep.

So they fight back the only way they can.

The king rolls up his sleeves and gets to work, he chops wood, he grows vegetables to give to the poor. he herds animals, taking the eggs they leave and the milk they provide. he learns to sew. he takes it all to the market to give away, no coin given he insists. he instead sells the leftovers to those passing through giving them directions away from Maleficent's traps.

The queen studies magic with the fairies. she learns the history of them and what kind of fairy Maleficent is. She instructs the clothes she left behind to be given to the weavers who need a faster way to gain their income. She leaves encrypted messages to the royal council instructing them on how to handle foreign affairs. She speaks personally to other outsiders in the woods, careful to avoid any mention of her daughter and past but willing to help if they turn out to truly be someone In need.

together they solve squabbles between the fairies, they educate Aurora teaching her to read and write and follow the law. She is going to be queen someday and she still needs to learn how to rule. even if she doesn't realise it.

Aurora is not completely oblivious. It is explained to her early on that there is a threat. that they live so far apart for a reason. She is told all will be explained once she is sixteen. She takes care to arrange to meet the man in the woods at her house surrounded by her family. her parents are extremely cautious, especially on the eve of her sixteenth. the fear has never gone away. Some nights they watch her sleep, afraid she may never wake up even if her hands were inspected before bed.

but the man never shows.

as much as Aurora begs, the family has to leave. the truth is explained to Aurora that she's a cursed princess but once the sunset has passed she will be safe. she's silent the whole way.

the castle has been unused in parts, it is cold and dark and the king and queen are nearly unrecognisable to their council, the fairies start using their magic to get the place ready for the celebration while the royal couple proceed with meetings about Aurora's presentation and her betrothal while Aurora...is forgotten for the first time.

She wanders away to explore. an uncontrollable urge to touch something sharp. and that proves her undoing.

See, maleficent tries a different tactic. she conjures up a nearly identical cottage for Prince Philip and captures him, taunting him about how close he came to finding his betrothed and how he'll be free to try to wake her as an old ailing man. then she makes her move and Aurora pricks her finger just as vowed.

it looks as though the mistress of all evil has won after all.

but in the discussions with Philip's father, the identity of Aurora's suitor is deduced and the fairies suspect Maleficent's involvement in his disappearance so the story proceeds as we know it -

except that the king and queen refuse to be put under the sleep charm. they will not abandon their girl, not now. Maleficent could still do something to her to make sure the curse is not broken. maybe it was a mistake to not send her away from them but even as the thorns crawl up the castle walls. they can't say they regret it/

So when Maleficent is defeated, Prince Philip arrives he finds an old ragged woodcutter and a tired-looking yet lovely seamstress sitting by the bedside of the princess. after a moment they allow him to see her. holding one of her hands each as he presses his lips briefly to hers. it is only after he realizes he is in the presence of the King and Queen. looking proudly at their grown daughter free of the curse.

So yes, Love is why sleeping beauty awakened. Both romantic and familial, true love. of all kinds.

[still-a-morosexual-help]

Ya know, I'm pretty sure what's going to happen with Raphael is a lesson in "don't just take second hand accounts and form a judgement about someone else without giving them a chance" and you're kinda failing that. Can we also stop pretending like Beel is an innocent marshmallow? He's a demon who's literally eaten other demons and implied to have eaten humans too and clearly is not that oblivious, and I don't blame Raph for being frustrated with the brothers when we know they can be.

........dude I'm like joking?????????????

Qmdodudidngdidodmxnx

I'M 100% JOKING!???? YOU GUYS GET THAT RIGHT??????????????????????????????????????????

FUCKING HELL DUDE

jfc

I actually like Raphael as a character, I've been excited about him coming to the game since forever. This is the same kinda shit I pull with Lucifer (aka getting MC to annoy him for fun) and he's my second favourite character

Don't know whether I should laugh or cry qndndkdkdhjdidnddjdndn

Raphael straight up tells MC that he knows they both have a bad idea of one another and that they should put that aside to try to form their own opinions of each other

Also a lot of the game and characters work on the notion of "don't judge a book by its cover". I wrote a whole mini essay on why that makes Mammon such an interesting character. The whole of S1 tried to sell Lucifer as a cold sadistic evil person only to show that he's an overworked overprotective dad.

Plus the reason I like Raphael so much is because he's a morally grey character (the same way they hinted all the angels and the celestial realm to be)

Last lesson I was ragging on Beel for only being able to list two good things about Mammon...

ALSO BEEL TRIED TO KILL MC FOR TAKING A BITE OF HIS CUSTARD (or whatever the fuck it was in S1) ANDKDUEIDKKSMS YEAH HE'S DEFINITELY NOT uwu or whatever

All that being said:

This sentence ends with "It was really depressing"

^ this wasn't about demon! Beel this was about angel! Beel. Lucifer took him in after this point, Lucifer who's an asshole took him in and showed him that his strength can be used to protect instead of destroy.

In the Mammon vs Raphael UR Raphael keeps putting down Mammon and then later chasing Mammon while throwing spears at him for picking up broken items that people have thrown away and trying to fix and sell them - an actual normal thing to do

Raphael ain't no innocent marshmallow either. He's a complex character. He's snide (yes he is. This isn't a second hand account. This is the way he talks about Michael and to MC when they guess his name wrong) and self-righteous. He also likes to stitch and he stitched the brothers clothes when they ripped them as angels. Like Michael, he probably loved the brothers and may even still miss them.

So yeah, tldr:

1. I was joking😐

2. Ik Beel ain't a sweet cinnamon roll or whatever💀

3. Raphael's a complex character with dimensions. What he said/did to Beel was shitty. NOT because Beel's a uwu baby or whatever but because it was a shitty thing to do to ANYONE who was struggling. But that doesn't make Raphael a shitty character, if anything it makes him more interesting

4. Though I don't hate any of the characters, Obey Me! is a game where players are allowed to choose their own options and make their own interpretations of things meaning despite the overall story still being the same each player will have their own unique experience. So there's definitely gonna be people who hate Raphael and adore Beel and.....that's okay? It's their game and their right to feel about it however they want to🤷🏻

5. I'm going to keep choosing options to antagonise Raphael (and Lucifer and occasionally Mammon & Satan) because a.) I think it's funny b.) My MC is an OC with their own personality and perspective of things. I play them under the assumption that they don't get to see things from "above" like us. They'd have their own biases and make their own judgements that'd fit the personality I assigned them all the way back in S1. And it fits their character that they'd be protective towards the brothers simply because they know them better and consider them family. The same way we'd side with our friends over some stranger who possibly hurt them in the past.

@avatar-mikazuki couldn't have put it in better words:

[daughter-of-sapph0]

me: capitalism is bad. no one should starve to death. food and water and electricity and housing should all be free

someone on tiktok (not saying their name for privacy reasons): no

me: no? the fuck? what do you mean no?

s: no, I don't think capitalism is bad.

m: so what, you just think people should starve to death?

s: no, not starve to death. but if they want food so bad, they should just work for it

m: we are! we are working, but we aren't paid enough. I have two full time jobs and four roommates, and that's only barely enough to cover rent. that's not even mentioning food, water, electricity, gas, insurance, etc. if nothing else, the minimum wage should be increased so these things are affordable for most people.

s: if you hate it, you should get a better paying job.

m: okay, so say everyone takes your advice. instead of working at McDonald's, everyone becomes tech ceos. despite that being incredibly unrealistic and a stupid thing to suggest to people who can't or don't want to change jobs, what do you think will happen once everyone quits working at fast food. who's gonna make your shitty burger now?

s: okay but that's not what I'm talking about. you can't just give people free stuff they didn't earn. then nobody would work. all the lazies would get shit they don't deserve

m: if by "lazies" you mean the disabled, sick, elderly, or children, I personally think they should not starve to death.

s: no I'm not talking about that. I'm talking about the people who choose not to work.

m: example?

s: you know? guys who just sit on the couch all day and watch TV and argue with people online

m: like who?

s: like people who wouldn't go to work if they had money

m: would you go to work if you had enough money to live comfortably? what would you do with your life if you didn't have to worry about starving to death?

s: idk... I'd probably just... do something I like. like draw cartoons

m: and how often do you draw cartoons right now?

s: not that often. I don't have a lot of time I'm usually busy with wor- hey, fuck you!

m: see, if capitalism didn't exist, you would be doing something you love because you won't have to struggle to survive

s: but how can food and shit be free? how would people do stuff without any money?

m: what you're thinking of is a moneyless society. which is optimistic, but in reality is unachievable. in an ideal socialist world, money would still exist, but basic necessities like food and water and housing would be given for free to people who need it. people can still pay for nicer things. you want a bigger house, you can buy it. you want to travel, you can pay for that. working would still exist. you just wouldn't need to work to survive. rather, you'd work to afford extra nice things you would want. and not everyone wants those extra nice things. so those people wouldn't have to work.

s: but like... you can't just give water and food away. we'd run out

m: actually we wouldn't. we have more than several times the amount of food needed to end world hunger. unfortunately, most is hoarded, destroyed, or left to rot, because big giant monopolies might lose 0.0001¢ if they give a sandwich to a homeless person instead of selling it to him. under capitalism, we sacrifice morality for profits.

s: so, we have enough food and shit, but who's gonna make stuff like houses?

m: at the moment we already have more empty houses than homeless people in the us. but even if that wasn't enough, I know tons of people who would love to be construction workers, plumbers, electricians, contractors, architects, etc. but aren't because those jobs don't pay enough. if those people were given the basic things they needed to survive, they'd perform their job not because they need to eat, but because they actively want to help other people. despite what everyone tells you, humans are not selfish. they genuinely do want to help other people. and other people genuinely want to help you. no one should struggle to survive.

the person didn't respond after this, but they did delete their comments saying they loved capitalism. so I'm pretty sure I changed their mind.

[b-rainlet]

so even if by some miracle alluther becomes canon i don't think we'd ever get a full love scene. but Luther's body disgust and shame absolutely break my heart. so let me tell you I would sell my right arm to get just a sweet moment of Allison reassuring him he is in no way disgusting, and that she still loves every single part of him. that his outside doesn't matter and never did, because "he's the sweetest, kindest man she's ever known."

Okay, I’m gonna use this ask to rant a little. 

First of all, you’re right, I don’t think we’d get a lot of love scenes, I feel like if they make Alluther canon (which seems likely if they stick to the path they’ve been following since s1) it would be like....at the very last episode where there’s a general ‘What all the characters will go moving forward now’ and Alluther will like, decide to visit Claire together - like they wanted to in the day that wasn’t - and it’s very clear that they’re an item now. Like, they probably hold hands walking away or something, maybe we even get a kiss, although I don’t know how much pandering the showrunners would do to satisfy antis. 

But I don’t think we’d get full on make out stuff or alluded to sex scenes because a. The characters aren’t like that, especially Luther and b. I actually appreciated the lack of sexual content in s1 and even though s2 has - sadly - more of it, the show prefers to center on romantic love which is refreshing. 

(I mean, we had an off-screen Vanya/Sissy sex scene and Diego/Lila (which I personally thought was already too much shown tbh, but I am also ace so) but Allison/Raymond was cute without any sexual stuff and Alluther also heavily relies on love as opposed to attraction, if that makes sense). 

(Ergo, I hope they don’t ramp up the sexual shit because that’s a genuine reason for me to not watch it anymore lmao)

As for your hopes regarding Allison reassuring Luther about his body, I don’t think it will happen. 

They did such a good job of showing how uncomfortable Luther is in his body in s1 and then s2 rolled around and they just....threw that away. 

Like, it seems like the King Kong scene where Luther smiles at the kids calling him King Kong is supposed to show us he’s over it? Just like with him showing Reginald what he did to him as opposed to him trying to cover up and pretend he isn’t what he is - which btw should’ve been an important moment for Luther and something the sibs would understand is very important considering all of s1 but is instead played as...embarrassing? I think? 

Like, I actually physically recoiled a little when I saw Allison’s reaction which seems...I have no idea what they were going for actually. Surprise? Disgust? She’s seen him before, so wtf.  And like, Allison reacts like that? Allison?

Luther is basically showing all of them his mutation, the thing he hates most about himself plus all the self-harm scars he has from trying to get the skin to regrow human and everyone is.....what? Annoyed? Entertained? I have no idea. 

I mostly think it was tragic and it’s weird they focus on how broken Diego is over how Reginald treats him and everyone seems to feel for him but Luther doesn’t get the same empathy. 

(But the whole scene was weird anyway tbh. Like Allison ‘I swore to never rumour anyone again’ just goes around and makes Diego punch himself because it’s funny! Nevermind how seriously she took not using rumours on anyone to the point where she only tried to do it as a last resort with Vanya but I mean, s2 established that now rumouring people is fun because you can shop! Yeah!)

So yeah, that bothered me. A lot, actually. 

And considering they showed us yet again Luther binge-eating to deal with his emotions but never address it as something that’s - you know - unhealthy but rather something that’s funny, I have little hope they will ever talk about his eating habits, his self-harming, him being suicidal or his body issues again.

Maybe they only make it more of a joke tbh, who knows. 

And you know, they have a cast of 7 so I would understand that they don’t focus on Luther as much because he simply isn’t a fan favourite. I get that! And I wouldn’t be as harsh about them not addressing it if they would’ve used the screen time they didn’t use on Luther for another sibling. For example to flesh out Ben. Or Allison. Or Diego, whose whole character was basically thrown away this season tbh. 

But they didn’t. They decided to focus on love subplots who were maybe entertaining but didn’t add to the story or joke scenes instead of giving us more of the siblings struggling with their childhood trauma (something we signed up to watch). 

And it’s even worse if you consider how well they did with little scenes regarding the sibs who didn’t get as much screentime last season. Like, the little flashbacks of Luther all alone, which were brief but already told us a lot. His introduction scene. The camera angle alone tells volumes. The details. His letters to his Dad, saying stuff like ‘Send more food!’ 

It feels like there was a lot more love involved in the making of s1 and that’s sad. 

(And tbh, I was hoping for more childhood flashbacks exploring how the ‘good’ children were abused, how much pressure Luther was under and how even though Allison always ‘got everything she wanted’ she obviously also suffered under Reginald but considering that soon the child actors will probably be too old, I think they wasted that opportunity, sadly). 

But you know what, anon? We still have our imagination and fanfic and if the show fails us, we just have to make our own canon. 

[swanbedandchill]

A Tale of Two Theatre Kids

Sophomore student, Phoenix gets the leading female role in her high school's production of, "Faust." Phoenix meets a fellow junior student named, Winslow, who's serving as the undertstudy for the original set instrumentalist. The two meet by duetting a song together, that has a very special place in both their hearts.

This is my first ever fanfic for Phantom of the Paradise, which I recently watched for the first time, and instantly fell in love with it! But I hope whoever reads this enjoys it. Hopefully I will be able to write more for this soon. :)

“Faust” the musical for two nights only! April 19-20 at 8:00-10:30.

Some of the signs read, that were posted up on the walls of Webber High School, reminding everyone about the school’s production of the rock musical “Faust.” Which sophomore student Phoenix had the leading female role in, and she couldn’t be any more excited about it. At first, she wasn’t too sure if she was good enough to get any role in the play, let alone the lead! But she did, and Phoenix was so looking forward to opening night. And she couldn’t help but smile proudly each time she saw her named printed on the cast list part of the production posters.

It was sometime after school when Phoenix and the other Faust cast members were to stay after for the second to last final acting, and dressing rehearsals. Phoenix greeted some of her co-stars as she passed by them, which some responded kindly, but there were others who weren’t too happy that she got the role as the lead female. Phoenix was always known to be the quiet type, but with a strong voice, and a strong passion for singing. She always kept to herself, and never encouraged any of the gossip, or drama that happened within the school walls. But the main reason why some of the girls in their theatre class acted so jealous, and bitter towards her, was because not only did Phoenix get to be the leading lady, but it also meant that she would not only have plenty of scenes with Swan, but would also have to play his love interest.

Swan was a popular junior boy at their high school. Being brought up from a rich family background, who had a very strong run, and high status in their theatre classes since his freshmen year there. Swan ironically also had a thing for Phoenix, which a lot of girls of course questioned, for they didn’t see her as the, “type that people would want to win or chase after.” Phoenix discovered Swan’s feelings towards her, despite their popularity statuses in school, sometime after she’d found out she had a part in the play. Swan often liked to hit on her by giving her compliments for her singing, or tell her how pretty she looked. Although she didn’t have any feelings for him to give to him in return. Phoenix tried her best to give him the hint that she wasn’t interested by simply telling him, “thank you,” or by trying to completely avoid him after rehearsals. Especially if they’ve just finished an intimate scene together.

But, unfortunately for Phoenix, Swan had a weird thing for girls who liked to play hard to get. And avoiding him was going to be a lot harder than she thought...

Phoenix made her way inside one of the shared dressing rooms, there were a few other girls already inside who were fixing their costumes and makeup on, while conversating with each other. They kindly greeted Phoenix when she’d entered the room. Phoenix greeted them back, before sitting her school bag down on one of the chairs, and extracted her song folder that had all of the lyrics to the play in it. She flipped through some of the pages before finally deciding on rehearsing the song, “Old Souls” first.  

Everyone had fifty minutes to ready themselves, and now had at least thirty minutes before rehearsals began. Phoenix, who had just gotten fixed in her costume, which was a beautiful majestic white dress with sheer sleeves, and some silver pearls. As Phoenix made her way out of her dressing room, she noticed that Swan had already arrived to rehearsals. Usually he showed up fashionably late. On purpose... But nope, here he was talking to some very giggly flirtatious girls, and showing off in front of his other male co-stars. Phoenix didn’t want to have to deal with him right now, so she quickly held up her folder to cover her face with it, before turning around and making her way to the backstage area.

Phoenix made it backstage and away from the crowd, and began to hear what sounded like someone playing the piano on stage. She heard a voice singing along to the smooth melody, but it wasn’t any voice that she’d recognized.  

“I was not myself last night couldn't set things right with apologies or flowers Out of place as a cryin' clown who could only frown and the play went on for hours And as I lived my role, I swore I'd sell my soul for one love Who would stand by me and give me back the gift of laughter One love who would stand by me and after making love we'd...”

Dream a bit of style We'd dream a bunch of friends Dream each other's smile And dream it never ends...”

Phoenix closed her eyes for a moment, as she took in the sweet sounds of the mysterious singer working their magic on the keys. Phoenix finally decided to see who it was making that sound, peaking her head from behind the curtains. Winslow Leach, a boy with shoulder-length dirty blonde hair, wearing thick glasses, and basic clothing. He seemed so plain and average looking, but had all of the true talent and potential to make up for it.  

Phoenix also took notice to the fact that Winslow was playing the title song, “Faust” as he worked his fingers skillfully on the piano keys. And she had to admit that his version sounded a lot better, and far more natural than how Swan sang it.  

“I was not myself last night in the morning light I could see the change was showing Like a child who was always poor reaching out for more I could feel the hunger growing And as I lost control, I swore I'd sell my soul for one love Who would sing my song and fill this emptiness inside me One love who would sing my song and lay beside me while we'd...

Dream a bit of style We'd dream a bunch of friends Dream each other's smile And dream it never ends...”

Phoenix smiled blissfully as he continued to sing, and it all seemed so strange to her. “Who was this guy? Had he always been a part of theatre classes? And why haven’t I seen him around before?” She thought to herself, and she also assumed that he had to have been a senior, or at least a junior. Winslow seemed so skilled at what he was doing, or maybe he was just that talented. Either way, Phoenix knew that she had to know more about him.  

“All my dreams are lost and I can't sleep And sleep alone could ease my mind All my tears have dried and I can't weep Old emotions may they rest in peace and dream, dream a bunch of friends Rest in peace, and dream, dream it never ends...”

Winslow sang the final words of the song, happily smiling to himself as he did so. Phoenix really wanted to applaud him, but didn’t want disturb him. So instead she just watched him curiously as he reached for the sheet music that he had propped up on the placeholder, before sitting it on top of the piano, and began to play a different song that he knew by heart. Winslow began playing the title song to, “The Phantom of the Opera.” Which is a song made for two people to sing together as a duet. Phoenix gasped when she heard him playing that familiar tune. The Phantom of the Opera was Phoenix’s favorite musical, and how ironic it was that this boy was playing it. The music sounded a bit odd, since the original music is typically played on an organ, but nevertheless, Winslow was making it work. Phoenix couldn’t keep silent anymore, and out of nowhere started singing the first verse to the song, which is sung by the lead female character, Christine in the musical.

[Phoenix]

"In sleep he sang to me, in dreams he came. That voice which calls to me, and speaks my name. And no I Dream again? For now I find. The Phantom of the Opera is there, inside my mind...”

Winslow was startled at first by the sudden female voice that began singing out of nowhere. But to him the voice sounded so beautiful and unique, that he found it difficult to stop playing the instrumental music in the background for whoever was singing along to it. Winslow wanted to turn around to see who it was, but decided that it was best to keep things a mystery, just like in the actual musical itself. And now it was his turn to sing the male verse in the song, which is sung by the Phantom character.

[Winslow]

“Sing once again with me our strange duet My power over you grows stronger yet. And though you turn from me, to glance behind. The Phantom of the Opera is there, inside your mind...”

Phoenix smiled as she could feel the power of the music in the tone of Winslow’s voice possessing her, they were practically reenacting the scene where the Phantom takes Christine to his lair, together. It made her wish that their school had decided to go with The Phantom of the Opera, rather than the one that they’d already been rehearsing, and working hard for to make happen. Phoenix and Winslow continued to mysteriously play along with each other, as they continued to sing their verses.

[Phoenix]

Those who have seen your face, draw back in fear. I am the mask you wear...”

[Winslow]

“It’s me they hear...”

[Both]  

“Your/my spirit and my/your voice, in one combined The Phantom of the Opera is there Inside my/your mind...”

Phoenix held her hands over where her heart would be located, after they’d completed a verse together. Winslow’s smiled grew after his voice and Phoenix’s finally consummated together for the song, encouraging him to keep going, and give it his all as if he were performing for an actual live audience. And not just any audience in a school auditorium, someplace like Carnegie Hall, or some other grand theatre. Phoenix emerged herself from behind the curtains, and started walking towards him, but slowly for the anticipation.  

[Winslow]

"In all your fantasies, you always knew. That man and mystery...”

[Phoenix]

“Were both in you...”

[Both]

“And I’m this labyrinth, where night is blind. The Phantom of the Opera is here/there.

Inside my/your mind...”

[Winslow]

“Sing my angel of music...!”

[Phoenix]

“He’s there, the Phantom of the Opera...”

Phoenix started to vocalize her way through to the end of the song, with Winslow encouraging her in character, as she made her way closer and closer towards him.

[Winslow]

“Sing! Sing for me Sing, my Angel of Music! Sing for me...!”

Winslow commanded, as Phoenix hit the final high note, and finally made her way in front of him, so he could finally see the face that belonged to the beautiful voice. And was indeed met with a face that was just as beautiful as her voice.  

Winslow couldn’t help but stare at her in awe and amazement, as his hands slowly left the piano keys. Phoenix just chuckled from his reaction, both of them not knowing what to say to each other in that moment. It didn’t take long before Winslow finally realized that he’d been staring at her that whole time, and awkwardly turned his head away from her for a moment to get himself together. Clearing his throat, and adjusting his glasses as he did so.

“Oh! Um... I’m sorry, I- I didn’t mean to stare... It’s just that I wasn’t expecting... Um... Hi, I'm Winslow. Winslow Leach.”

Winslow stammered out with an awkward smile, and Phoenix couldn’t help but giggle at his reaction.  

“Hi, I'm Phoenix, Phoenix Harper. And I think you have an amazing voice, Winslow.”

Phoenix smiled and said politely. Winslow couldn’t help but smile, and blush a little at her compliment towards him.

“Oh, well thank you, Phoenix. And I can say the same to you too, no wonder you got the leading lady role as Gretchen. You definitely deserved it.”

Winslow complimented back, and now it was Phoenix’s turn to start blushing.

“Well I'm glad someone thinks so, since not too many people were happy to hear that I got the part as the leading lady.”

Phoenix said with a hint of sadness in her voice, as she thought about the mean and unnecessary rude things her theatre peers have said to her.

“Well, forget about them. They’re just jealous of you.”

Winslow said defensively, and Phoenix just smiled and nodded politely.

“Thanks, and I've learned to just do me, and not pay any attention to them.”

“That’s good to hear.”

The two just smiled for a moment, not knowing what else to say to each other as that awkward, and shy tension started to build up again. Until Phoenix finally spoke up.

“So, Winslow, I didn't know that you were in theatre classes. I mean... I haven’t really seen you around, until now of course.”

“That’s because I'm sort of the understudy for the person who was originally set to play piano for the play. And since Sebastian, the set piano player couldn’t be here, I stepped in for the job.”

“And what happened to the last player, Sebastian?”

“I think they said he got sick with food poisoning... Or something like that at least.”

Winslow couldn't help but chuckle at that, and Phoenix couldn’t help but do the same.  

“Well, we’re all happy to have you here with us then, Winslow. I know I am.”

Phoenix said sincerely, with a warm smile spread across her face. Winslow smiled that same genuine smile as he moved his head around slightly, so he could cover some of his hair over his face, to hide the fact that he was blushing pink.

“And I'm happy to be playing for you all. For you, Phoenix.”

The two laughed a little at each other’s small yet kind words to each other, before things grew silent and awkward again between the two.

“Hey, Winslow, I know rehearsals don’t officially start until fifteen more minutes, but would you mind practicing with me for a little while? Just the two of us.”

Phoenix asked. Despite his nerdy appearance, there was something about him that she found really attractive. Maybe it was his talent, or maybe it was his charm, but all Phoenix knew was that she wanted to spend more time with him.  

Winslow was more than happy, and quick to answer that question. Wanting to spend more time getting to know Phoenix, and to just spend more time with her in general. Just the two of them together.

“Sure! I would like that very much.”

Winslow smiled up at her, before gesturing for her to take a seat right next to him at the piano. Phoenix did so, giggling a little like the giddy school girl that she was turning into for him. Winslow gave her a look that asked her if she was ready to begin, which Phoenix just smiled and nodded a yes, before Winslow started playing the instrumental to, “Old Souls.”

“Our love is an old love baby it's older than all our years I have seen in strange young eyes familiar tears We're old souls in a new life baby They gave us a new life to live and learn Some time to touch old friends and still return...”

As Phoenix sang, and Winslow worked his fingers on the keys, Swan, who had been watching them for quite a while from the backstage curtains, gave them both a menacing stare. More so towards Winslow, who had Phoenix willing singing and interacting with him, two of the things that Swan always failed to do with her. The sight of the two happily making the music come alive together, only made Swan feel increasingly jealous, and annoyed at the two. Swan just knew that he wasn’t going to let some nerdy loner take away his girl, and he planned on doing something about it too. Swan smiled, before silently making his way back to his dressing room, thinking to himself that Phoenix will be his by opening night.

[spookycoffeebeans-blog]

Help needed

I hate that this is the first thing I post about on my new blog, but hey. Hello repitblr! A few months ago me and my partner came across an old friend who wanted to release all of her reptiles after learning she couldn’t care for them. Literally dump them outside near a lake! Worried and everything for them, we took them in. Mind you, we have little to no knowledge about reptiles and we did our best to care for these little guys. Spent hours going through websites and purchasing what we could. But now It’s just getting too hard for us and too pricey! We really wish to sale these guys off. :c Plus we plan on moving so we can’t take them with us. We have currently; A crested gecko, two leopard geckos, ball python, and an African fat tailed. We know we are not the best caretakers and we really hope someone can give them a better home.

[sally-annesstories]

Day 37 - Panajachel to San Juan La Laguna, Guatemala

My hardest day to write

1. Despite switching my brain off early I had a rubbish sleep the night before. Barely getting any shut eye. Given I was up at 6.30 by 7 I decided to go for a walk. Pana is small and I quickly covered a lot of ground. It was nice walking with less people around. Although sadly there were way less stalls at this time. I was craving some fruit but nowhere I went could I fine any. Finally I was in a small shop which didn't have fruit but did have a grocery section. As I looked I spotted baby food. Figuring pureed mango and apple was more nutritious than a bag of doritos I opted for that. Quite smart of me I thought, baby food must be semi reasonable.

2. Back at the hostel others were getting up and keen for breakfast. We opted for a womans restaurant which is owned and operated only by females. A big deal in Guatemala.

3. A boat ride to San Juan. Tonight we are staying on the lake again but this time at a homestay. The lake, similar to Antigua is beautifully flat with all the volcanoes surrounding it. The boat ride was relatively chill. The boat being less fancy than maybe ones I'm used to was a a bit noisy. Three quarters of the way through we slowed down and stopped. Not sure what was happening - turns out we'd run out of petrol! There we were floating away until another boat bought over a petrol tank. Given they drive the lake so often, you would think they'd check theu have enough gas to get anywhere before leaving. Anyway eventually made it safe and sound!

4. On arrival we met our homestays and went to their homes to drop off our things. I'll come everything off related to this at point 5. Once without our gear we went into town to visit the different creatives and ways of life at San Juan La Laguna. These were a honey farm, a chocolate workshop, a church, a textiles spot, an artist's and finally a medicine farm. At each the workers told us about what they did there. It was nice and interesting although I probably didn't come across like I was enjoying it. After no sleep the night before I was dead. Everytime we sat down I was nodding off. Oops, but I also knew I needed to be awake with the family so half attention was all I could give.

5. Ok to the family. So when we first arrived a member of each family was waiting. We wrote our names next to a name on a piece of paper and this determined where we'd stay. We walked with our homestay mum to her home. It is something so different to what we consider a house back in NZ. On arrival there is a front room with a wee store. This is selling odds and ends and snacks. It has a door on the alley way as well as into the yard. We walk in through to the yard. The yard is small and oblong shape. Grass on the right with a few trees growing and sticks/twigs piled up indicating they'll be used for fires. On the right side there are two rooms. Both square one with two single beds (where we will be staying) and their bedroom which I couldn't see inside. She has two children, Mildred who is 13 and a two year old son. She is married but quickly learned her husband works in Guatemala City and is only home twice a month. The kitchen is outside and consists of a brick over (this uses the sticks for cooking/fire). The back wall from their bedroom is on one side and pots and pans hang on this. The tin roof extends over this area with tarpaulins covering two other 'walls', the rest remaining open. There is a toilet and shower. Each is a square about 1m x 1m with three concrete walls (one splits the two rooms), there is a draped sheet offered as a door. The daughter sleeps down the road at her aunts. was lucky to be staying with another girl who spoke Spanish so she would chat and translate for me. The family we were staying with was really poor. The father earns 40Q a day (8NZD) for 8 hours work and he cant be with the family. They have been hosting people for 4 months and it's how they put food on the table. The woman handmakes scarves to be sold at markets. The one she was doing when we were there would take 3 days and would be sold for 125Q (25NZD). She also put the shop in the front room. Despite this tough life she and the children were so happy. Before dinner Synovve spent alot of time speaking to her and I played with the kids. Mildred could speak a minor amount of English so between her English and my minimal Spanish we got by. The little boy was very easy to keep happy and we played kicks and other games with toys (some of which were in a fairly dire state.

The woman talked about how she wanted to move to the USA but her husband does not. To go there you need to walk for 1-2 months. Given it's illegal you would pay someone who knows how to cross the border 100,000 Q per person. Noting how much they earn gathering this as cash is near impossible. Instead you put a mortagage on your home. Then you hope it all goes to plan, when you arrive in the USA you have nothing but then if you don't and go back to Guatemala you also have nothing. It's not nice to think of the other options here. We helped with dinner prep, I was rubbish at making tortillas and so stopped after dropping the batter while I made one. Don't want to waste anything here! We noticed there wasn't much food originally thinking they must have already eaten. Sadly that was not the case! When she plated up she served us 3x more than what they served for themselves. Our food was on what I'd consider a dinner plate and theres was on a wee bread plate. I felt sick. I decided best not to eat all on my plate as likely they take leftovers for the next meal. I didn't like the thought of me eating more than them. Also they had 3 plates served, turns out this was one of the nights of the year that dad came home. It was a long weekend hence he was back. After dinner we were asked if we wanted to go to bed. We agreed realizing they would want to all catch up as a family. Before hitting the hay we did do the dishes. Once in our room the beds didn't have sheets on them but rather fleece blankets. On the corner of one a World Vision badge was sewed in. How different to be where the world vision donations are made rather than where the funds are collected.

Just brings home how lucky we are to even just be from NZ / a fully developed country.

Tally:

Minimum wage in NZ: 17.70NZD

Living hourly wage in NZ: 21.15NZD

Minimum hourly wage Guatemala: 2.80NZD

Hourly wage the father was getting: 1.08NZD

< Q amount translated to NZD based on FX at time of writing. Hard to find a minimum wage for Guatemala by hours but websites I was indicted 2,500 Q a month so just averaged that on 4.5 weeks and a 40 hour week. The wage the father told me is less than 'minimum wage'. He said it was hard to find work and because there can be some corruption, I beleive he was true in his daily rate (which I took down to hours). It could've been post tax.

NZ living wage taken from https://www.livingwage.org.nz/about

>

[punkscowardschampions]

Junior & Nancy

Junior: What are you gonna do? Nancy: I've never had less of an idea Nancy: What can I do? Junior: I wish I knew for you Junior: But no, I don't Junior: By the time I worked it out, I knew it was too late but maybe if I'd said something to you, we could've avoided it playing out like this Junior: I'm sorry Nancy: Don't apologise to me, please, I can't start sobbing outside of this office Nancy: You've done nothing wrong. It's me who messed everything up Junior: I'm sorry, no wait, scrap that Junior: You can't help what you felt Junior: You're not the first person to get a crush, everyone's just acting like it for the drama of the thing Nancy: But I chose to act on it Nancy: You didn't see her face. It was... Nancy: I've got no words for it Junior: Oh, Nance Junior: There's no other way she could react, or would've Junior: I'm not judging but how did you get this caught up? Its not like you Nancy: I thought she wanted me to. Genuinely I'm not just making an excuse Nancy: We had a connection. The way we'd talk, I didn't imagine that, I can't have Junior: At best though, that could never be more than friendship, she's a married teacher, a straight one Junior: not to go over it now, you know Junior: What a mess Junior: Tristan is being Junior: its bad Nancy: He has a right to Nancy: I'm so stupid, oh my god Nancy: They couldn't hold of mum or dad yet but when they do... Junior: Yeah but, he's trying to make it something it ain't, get the anger but I wish he'd keep the gay hate to a minimum Junior: Oh God, babe Junior: how mortifying Junior: I'll find a hole to bury you in Nancy: Thanks Nancy: I've literally become a lesbian stereotype. The predatory one Nancy: If my brother ever finds out I'm gonna have to get you to bury him too Junior: We're doing our best to keep it on the DL, strictest of confidence Junior: but if your rents talk to mine, he'll suddenly take an interest no doubt, eurgh Junior: You weren't being predatory, at least, that's now how you meant it Junior: and she's in the position of power so she always had the upper hand to push you away Junior: which, I guess, she did in the end Junior: would've been helpful if she'd have clued up before now but we can't blame her Nancy: I'm gonna have to move back, aren't I? How can I stay here. I can't Nancy: I love her and I've done this to her Nancy: What if she loses her job because of me? I might have wanted him to leave her, or vice versa, but I never wanted that Junior: Not necessarily Junior: She won't Junior: Not to rub salt in an open wound but its very clear it came from you and not her Junior: Its not going to come to that Junior: There's only this year left, we can stick it out together, I've got you Junior: anyway, rumours follow, don't they? Idk how but that's the magic of teens, better if you face it head on Junior: own it in the ways you can Nancy: You make everything sound so straightforward, no play on words meant Nancy: I should have told you everything Junior: I get why you didn't Junior: it got to be real when it was just in your head Junior: wow, sounds harsh but, yeah? Nancy: I'm gonna hear much worse Nancy: At least you're coming for a good place Junior: We need to decide on your side of the story, so we can stick to it Nancy: What's the point? Everyone already knows what happened Junior: Yeah, there's definitely the key facts you're not gonna be able to run from Junior: but its all about how you sell it Nancy: What are you saying I should do? I can't throw her under the bus Junior: No, of course not Junior: I'm not explaining it well 'cos I can't do it myself Junior: but you know, the old, hold your head up high regardless of how you're really feeling Junior: acting as if you're not as phased as you are, too, not lying about what happened, just acting as like its less of a thing so people will get bored, you know? Nancy: Have you met my mum? Holding my head up high won't be a problem Nancy: Casually trained at it Junior: Yeah, no, good Junior: I know its gonna be hard Junior: but it will help this all be over sooner Nancy: That'd be nice Nancy: It's new for the rumor mill but not me Junior: How long? Nancy: Since I came here, pretty much Junior: Oh, honey Junior: That's such a long time to have those kind of feelings Nancy: I know Nancy: How did I get here? Junior: I dunno Junior: We all build things up in our minds, fantasies and that Junior: it just got out of hand because it was uncheck Junior: like I said, you're not the first or last Junior: Its okay, it will be alright Nancy: You're only saying that to make me feel better, I get that, but it's kind of working anyway Junior: I'm honestly not Junior: You know what went down wasn't cool but I think the outcome is more than enough punishment without me needing to be a dick about it Nancy: but I wouldn't blame you if you were Nancy: You asked me so many times who I fancied, if I'd just said, it would have stopped it, I would have come to my senses enough not to try and kiss her Junior: But you wanted to Junior: more than you wanted to be logical and sensible Junior: for better, or worse, as its transpired Junior: its easy to beat yourself up about it now Nancy: I should've beat myself up before hand Nancy: Repeatedly over the head Junior: I'll get you a time-turner and a mallet, like Nancy: Much appreciated Nancy: Can you arrange a bodyguard too, for Rio more than Tristan tbh Nancy: She's gonna be livid Junior: Not with you Junior: She'll get it better than me, she's had her fair share of crushes, I'm sure Nancy: Have you really not? Nancy: Envy you at this point Junior: Nope Junior: I'm like a sexless slug Nancy: They have a nicer label for that, to let you know Junior: Yeah, I'm not into that Junior: Never say never, you know Nancy: Unlike you have my judgement Nancy: Unless* Nancy: Never say never with your straight, married, teacher Junior: When is it okay to laugh cos like Nancy: Go ahead Nancy: We have to Nancy: I can't cry rn and still face everyone Nancy: I'm not THAT good at holding my head high Junior: are you gonna take some time off or just Junior: face it from the jump Nancy: I think if I walk away it'll just make it harder to come back Nancy: If I'm staying here then I need to carry on Junior: Agreed, from that POV, definitely the best thing to do Junior: but don't force yourself to do things you can't Junior: we can go cry in the toilets whenever you need, okay? Nancy: Have a gorgeous mascara moment Nancy: Maybe my mum will force on a flight back to London Junior: Maybe Junior: Or roll up on you here Junior: such fun Nancy: Oh god, she probably will Nancy: I know I brought it on myself but....please no Nancy: Parent swap with me really quick? Junior: They'd despair but give it my best Junior: At least your Dad is going to be too awkward to say anything Junior: Small blessing Nancy: I wish that was a like father like son trait Junior: Thank god for the mute button Junior: shame it doesn't cover all communications, including IRL Nancy: Honestly Nancy: If I thought I hated Irish class before Junior: Yeah, no escaping how bad that's gonna be Junior: 😬 Nancy: If I pretend I've had a straight awakening now will that make it better or worse Nancy: She turned me everybody, nothing to see here Junior: I think it'll take you from the butt of the gay jokes to the butt of the slag ones Junior: which might be easier to handle but Junior: might have to display some straightness and we're not a convincing couple to say the least Nancy: Plus you're my cousin Nancy: That'd just create more rumors Junior: Yeah preferably you're going straight for someone not in the fam Junior: Idk, who are the most elligible bachelors around Junior: Hmm Nancy: Tristan's off the table Nancy: Lovehate only happens in YA Junior: Plus, all that rage, probably closeted himself, if we're following the rules of YA to the letter Nancy: And if we're going classical, he probably wants to sleep with his mum too Junior: 🤢 Junior: oh no Junior: flip the script on 'em, go for a younger boy Junior: preferably not weird young, like year below tops Nancy: Oh god Nancy: Boys are so Nancy: Even hypothetically it's a no Junior: 😂 Junior: I don't think you're gonna be pulling this off effectively any time soon Nancy: You're right. Back to the drawing board I go Nancy: Thanks, June, for talking me off the ledge Junior: Wouldn't be worth much as a bestie if I didn't Junior: we've got this Junior: it only FEELS like the end of the world Junior: that's comforting, right? 😏 Nancy: Until I think about how bad you said Tristan is handling what happened Junior: Yeah, well, reckon Rio will be having words Junior: he just needs to get it out of his system Junior: look sufficiently sorry and miserable and he should be satisfied, then you can get on with your life, like Nancy: I do feel sorry and miserable so as long as I can get it across instead of looking like a unrepentant bitch Nancy: We'll see Junior: Yeah Junior: he's not awful, like Junior: It probably sucks having teacher parents, but that ain't a reason to take out years of frustration on this sitch Nancy: He can't be that bad, she raised him Junior: Oh, babe Junior: you've got it so bad Nancy: I wish there was a mute button for feelings Junior: You've got to start putting in the work Junior: Conscious uncoupling Nancy: That'll be as much fun as having the chat with my parents Junior: I didn't promise fun Junior: Strictly business Nancy: This is why lesbians die at the end of every movie, isn't it? Nancy: No fun Junior: Mhmm, its not just bed death you've gotta avoid Junior: its alright, you've been scorned, that'll further your plot development, no need to die today Nancy: Just living with the heartbreak then. Fantastic Junior: Unfortunately Junior: Its survivable, so I'm told Junior: and there's lots of songs and films on the subject to keep you company Nancy: You're angling for a hetero rom-com watching session because the male leads are always hot. I see you Junior: You need some straight drama in your life Junior: it will make you feel so much better about your own Nancy: Her being straight was a big part of my drama Junior: Yes and no Junior: Even if she was gay, Nance, it wouldn't have happened, alright? Junior: You need to remember that Junior: what if you have a nice lesbian lecturer at Uni, you don't wanna go through this again, thinking it'll be different Junior: its a no go whatever the circumstances Nancy: I know Nancy: I'm trying Nancy: I don't want to go through this again Junior: I know Junior: Its a complete perspective overhaul Junior: It'll take time Junior: you'll get there Nancy: I better Nancy: I don't wanna be stuck here in this place Junior: You won't be Junior: You've got a whole life of new, better experiences waiting Nancy: Brain swap? If I was as smart as you I could graduate early Junior: You're plenty smart, its truly not that far off now Junior: Final stretch Nancy: You're right. It just feels like forever rn Nancy: My own fault Junior: It does though Junior: clock watching all day every day Nancy: Definitely Nancy: Same

[seylennotes]

The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch with Jeffrey Zaslow

I have read this book many times in 2010, his words has left permanant values in my mind. So I reread the book again yesterday (years later) and I still love it. He is gone, but his inspiration will be always here.

You could say I love collecting words or saying that speak to me. So I compiles below my favorite saying from the book.

-"Here was a woman, having a child by accident that she surely would come to love. As for me, through the accident of cancer I'd be leaving three children to grow up without my love."

-"We cannot change the cards we are dealt, just how we play the hand."

-"My mother was a tough, old-school English teacher.. my dad was a World War II medic and he ran a small business which sold uto insurance."

-"In fact, growing up, i thought there were two typles of families:

1) those whoneed a dictionary to get through dinner.

2) Those who don't.

-"He'd also warn me that even if I was in a position of strength, whether at work or in relationships, I had to play fair. 'Just because you're in the driver's seat,doesn't mean you have to run people over."

-"Anybody out there who is a parent, if your kids want to paint their bedrooms, as a favor to me, let them do it. It'sll be OK."

-"Have something to bring to the table, because that will make you more welcome."

-"You've got to get the fundamentals down, because otherwise the fancy stuff is not going to work."

-"When you're screwing up and nobody says anything to you anymore, that means they've given up on you."

-"You give them something they can't do, they work hard until they find they can do it, and you just keep repeating the process."

-"What we really want them to learn is far more important: teamwork, perseverance, sportmanship, the value of hardwork, an ability to deal with adversity."

-"I don't believe in the no-win scenario."

-"The brick walls are there for a reason. They're not there to keep us out. The brick walls are there to give us a chance to show how badly we want something."

-"The park is open until 8 p.m."

-"Randy it's such a shame that people perceive you as being so arrogant, because it's going to limit what you're going to be able to accomplish in life."

-"People are more important than things"

-"I also want my niece and nephew to tell my kids a few things. First they can say simply that 'Your dad asked us to spend this time with you, just like he spent time with us.' I also hope they'll also explain to my kids how hard I fought to say alive. I signed up for the hardest treatments that could be thrown at me because I want to be around as long as possible to be there for my kids."

-"You can wlasy change your plan, but only if you have one."

-"HI, this is Randy, I waited until i was 39 to get married, so my wife and I are going away for a month. I hope you don't have a problem with that, but my boss does. Apparently, I have to be reachable. I then gave the names of Jai's parents and the city where they live. 'If you all directory assistance, you can get their number. And then, if you can convince my new in-law that your emergency merits interrupting their only daughter's honeymoon, they have our number."

-"Time is all you have. And you may find one day that you have less than you think."

-"Educators best serve students by helping them be more self-reflective."

-"If students in a particular group were standing close together, I knew they had bonded, and that the virtual world they created would be something worth seeing."

-"If I have to die, I am comforted by having Alice as a professional legacy."

-"I understand the arguments about how he billions of dollars spent to put men on the moon could have been used to fight poverty and hunger on earth. But, look, I'm a scientist who sees inspiration as the ultimate tool for doing good."

-"Life is too short. Somehow, with the passage of time, and the deadlines that life imposes, surrendering became the right thing to do."

-"Complaining does not work as a strategy. We all have finite time and energy. Any time we spend whining is unlikely to help us achieve our goals. And it won't make us happier."

-"What if we did A, instead of B?"

-"Almost everybody has a good side. Just keep waiting. It will come out."

-"Just ignore everything they say and only pay attention to what they do."

-"It's not how hard you hit. It's how hard you get hit.. and keep moving forward."

-"First penguin are losers who were difinitely going somewhere."

-"We don't want to create somethingthat people will want to destroy."

-"Go out and do for others what somebody did for you."

-"If I do something, what's the most terrible thing that could happen? Would I be eaten by a wolves?"

-"Halfhearted or insincere apologies are often worse than not apologizing at all because recipints find them insulting."

-"There is more than one way to measure profits and losses. On every level, institutions can and should have a heart."

-"If you're going to be a salesman, you might as well be selling something worthwhile, like education."

-"With all the deference my young, arrogant self could muster, I said 'I'm sorry, I didn't mean to imply it was about money. It's just that they only awarded fifteen of these fellowship nationwide, so I thought it is an honor that would be relevant, and I apologize if that was presumptuos of me."

-"Everyone has to contribute to the common good. TO not do so can be described in one word: selfish."

-"Whenn we are connected to others, we become better people."

-"Sometimes all you have to do is ask."

-"She is too young. But I want her to grow up knowing that I was the first man ever to fall in love with her."

-"I love all three of my kids completely and differently. And I want them to know that I will love them for as long as they live. I will."

-"Kids, don't try to figure out what I wanted you to become. I want you to become what you want to become."

-"I've also reminded her that she's going to make mistakes and to just accept that. If I were able to live, we'd be making those mistakes together."

-"It's about how to lead your life. If you lead your life the right way, the karma will take care of itself. The dream will come to you."