#The whole crew is honestly just sitting around and enjoying ice cream let the kids have a break

[thesecondrobinisthebestrobin]

Can we appreciate the calm before the storm in page 307 of the blood of Olympus? I just adore Percy and Annabeth eating ice cream (of course the rest of the crew as well!)

[sun-kissed-star]

alright y’all here’s the first fic i promised, i’ve had this one in the making for a week or two. it’s part of my modern au where medda adopts jack from the refuge and jack is still Just a Babey in this. enjoy!

trigger warning: child harassment, creepy guy, slight mentions of past abuse, slight violence

It was no surprise that Medda was at least a little well-known. She wasn’t famous, and she didn’t have an entourage of fans following her when she walked down the street. But she owned her own theater, and the seats were usually full on the weekends. That earned her at least a few looks of recognition.

Jack was happy for her, honestly. She was doing what she loved, and he was grateful that she let him help at all by bringing him into the theater to help with painting. Still, it meant that by the time she got him out of the Refuge, there were at least a few articles and tabloids online with headlines like Medda Larkin’s Love Child and Little Kid Hits the Stage! Sometimes it was fun to tease them, but most of the time they were just annoying. Medda had tried her best to keep him out of the spotlight for privacy’s sake, but he’d promised her it was fine. He’d had worse, and a few photos online wouldn’t kill him.

As soon as the backstage door opened and Medda stepped through, still panting a little from the adrenaline of the stage, Jack looked up at her with a wide grin.

“Great show, everybody!” Medda said, pulling her hat off and wiping some sweat off her forehead. The pride on her face matched Jack’s smile. “Completely sold out! That ain’t happened in weeks.”

“Well, with those new songs, I’m surprised it’s not happenin’ every night,” said a man on tech crew. He chuckled. “We’ll sell out for the next month if you keep pulling those out of your -“

“Hey, watch it,” Medda admonished, jerking her head towards where Jack was sitting. “He’s only been here a few months. Don’t ruin him just yet.”

The man smiled guiltily and tipped his baseball cap. “Sorry, ma’am.”

Jack took that as his cue that it was okay to step into the conversation, and he slid off the chair he was sitting in and walked up behind Medda, hesitantly wrapping his arms around her torso.

“You did good, Mama.”

Medda twisted around, smiling as soon as she recognized his voice. That was a nice thing she did that no one else had ever done, and Jack hoped she never stopped.

“Oh, I can’t take all the credit, baby,” she said, kissing the top of his head. “That set piece you helped the crew with? The whole crowd loved it!”

“Yeah, yeah,” Jack said. “Hey, uh, do you wanna go on an ice cream run?”

“If that’s what you want, honey,” Medda said. “I’ve got a few things to clean up back here, then we can do that and get home and get some sleep. Wait in the hallway for me, okay?”

Jack nodded, letting her squeeze him one more time before letting her go and walking to the door. He waved to the crew, earning choruses of “Bye, Jackie!” before turning the handle and stepping out.

He’d barely turned the corner from the backstage door before he collided with a man wandering down the hallway.

“Oh!” the man said, grabbing his hat in surprise as he stumbled backwards and his eyes flew down to Jack. A look of surprise washed over his face for a split second before he plastered on a smile.

“Sorry, didn’t see you there,” he said. “I was just looking for, uh, the dressing rooms.” He gave Jack a second glance, probably taking in his paint-stained shirt and mussed hair. “Say, why’re you back here? You know this place is off limits, kid.”

I could tell you the same thing, pal, Jack thought. The man was pale and his cheeks were a little too flushed. His stomach was bulging under his tan suit and bright red tie. His hair was thin on the sides of his head and he was wearing a fedora that he wasn’t pulling off. In his head, Jack was running through a mental list of Medda’s tech crew and the guy’s face wasn’t popping out at him. He wasn’t familiar at all, and that was setting off all the alarms in Jack’s head.

“Um, I’m Medda’s -”

Before Jack could finish, the man suddenly snapped his fingers.

“Wait a minute! You’re Medda Larkin’s boy, aren’t you?” He leaned in to get a closer look and Jack wrinkled his nose at the stench on his breath. “Yes, you are! You’re the one she adopted. I read about you online.”

Jack decided now wasn’t the best time to correct him about still being in the foster system. The man’s fake smile was putting him on edge, and his fight and flight instincts were itching to kick in. His eyes darted to the backstage door. Could he book it and hide out in the dressing rooms?

Before he could make his grand escape, the guy thrust a hand at him

“I’m James,” he said. “James, uh, Colton. How do you do?”

Jack didn’t shake his hand. “Hi.”

James retracted his hand, awkwardly clapping them together. “Well, now that we’re here, let me ask you something,” he said, changing the topic as quickly as the conversation had started. “Do you think you could show me where backstage is?”

Jack blinked up at him. “Sorry, what?”

“Backstage, kid,” James said. His smile was looking grimmer. “I’d like to say hi to your, uh, your mom.”

“Um, I don’t -”

“Oh, don’t you worry,” James said, looking a little more impatient as Jack continued to give him a blank stare. “I knew her in high school! We were close friends. I’m sure she would be happy to see me.” He leaned in again, just a couple inches from Jack’s nose. “What do you say, hm?”

“Um. No.”

James’ smile dropped completely from his face. His eyebrows furrowed. “Listen, kid, you don’t get a say in who Medda’s talkin’ to,” he said, as if trying to explain something to a two-year-old. “Why don’t you just -”

Jack shrugged. “Sorry, mister,” he said. “I don’t know ya, and I’m just a dumb kid, right? I ain’t supposed to talk to strangers and you ain’t -”

James grabbed his collar.

“Listen, kid,” he repeated, quickly going beet red. “I swear to God, you know what I went through to get back here tonight? If you don’t show me where the damn door is, I’ll -”

“Hey, l-lemme go!” Jack said, squirming as James shook his collar. Call him crazy, but after living in a kids’ prison for half a decade and getting used to being thrown around like a ragdoll by the guards, he didn’t want a random man he didn’t know tossing him around. “Put me down, help! Leave me alone, Medda, I need help -!”

“Oh, what is your problem, boy?” James snapped. “What, are you fresh out of a boot camp or something? Just calm down and bring me to Medda’s dressing room or wherever the hell she is and I’ll let you go!”

Jack couldn’t breathe all of a sudden, and he felt as if the man was pushing him into a tiny box that he couldn’t escape from, and his heart was beating faster and where was Medda -

“What’s goin’ on out here?”

As soon as the backstage door opened, James’ hands flew away as if the grip he had on Jack’s collar had burned him. Jack went stumbling back and crashed into Medda, who was standing right behind him.

“Medda Larkin!” James said, patting himself down, flustered. He stuck on another easy-going grin. “Didn’t expect you over in this part of the theater.”

“I could say the same thing about you,” Medda said. She put two hands on Jack’s shoulders, providing silent comfort. “Now would you mind explaining what was happenin’ out here?”

“Oh, nothing,” James said, waving his hand as if brushing it off. “Your boy and I were just having a little chat -“

“Looks to me like you were shakin’ a kid like you were tryin’ to unscrew his head,” Medda said, cutting him off sternly. Jack almost never heard her take on the tone in her voice, but when she did, it could make Snyder himself tremble.

“No, of course not!” James said hastily.  “I was just telling Jack here what good friends we were in high school. I thought I might drop in -“

Medda cut him off again. “Funny,” she said, her hands squeezing Jack’s shoulders tighter. “I don’t remember going to clown school and making friends with any bozos like you.”

“Oh, well... don’t you remember?” James said, looking a little more desperate to salvage the situation by the minute. Jack couldn’t blame him. “We had English together! And we had that acting class in senior year! I just thought I should pop into your show and see how you were doing. We were friends before your name hit the papers.” His beady eyes searched desperately around the hallway for a way out of the piercing glare Medda was giving him, and in a split second, he grabbed Jack’s arm and yanked him forwards. “The kid’ll tell you! We were just talking about it. Listen -”

“No, why don’t you listen to me, hun,” Medda said, her voice crystal cool but still sharp enough to cut through the air. Brushing James’ hand off, she guided Jack back to her side and subconsciously pulled him close to her chest so that her arms were almost creating a human shield around him. “I don’t know if you’re reading those articles online, or if you even read at all, but he’s ten years old. Put your hands on him again and I’ll call it child harassment.”

James looked scared now, which was probably what Medda was going for. “Hang on, you can’t do that -”

“Oh, I definitely can, doll. Now, what were you saying about being friends in school?” She looked thoughtful for a minute, then she snapped her fingers. “You know what, I don’t remember you, but I do remember a nice boy that grew up to be a police officer.” She gave James a sugary smile. “Would you like me to give him a call?”

“No!” James said, throwing his hands out. “No, you have a good day, ma’am, uh, you’ve got a great boy, ah, I’ll see you another time.” His rambling followed him all the way out the door, echoing down the hallway as he ran towards the door to slip past security.

Medda watched him go, but the second he was around the corner, she turned to Jack without even a trace of a glare left on her face. She put a hand on top of his head and tilted it to look at his face.

“Are you okay?” she said, forehead creasing in concern. She wiped a splatter of paint off his chin. “If it were up to me, people like that wouldn’t be getting anywhere near my theater.”

“I’m fine, Mama,” Jack said, a smile growing on his face. Sure, he was a little shaken up, but he was happy. Medda cared about him enough to get involved and chase the guy off, and that was enough to make his heart grow three sizes. “Honest.”

“I’m glad, baby,” she said, patting his head before taking her hand away. “I’ll talk to security about letting people past. Honestly, I’d swear they were sleeping on the job.”

Jack shrugged, following her as she put a hand on his lower back and pushing him towards the backstage door. Her makeup was washed off and she’d changed out of her costume, and Jack was relieved to go home. “Probably. You think they’d let the Delanceys in next time if you didn’t talk to ‘em?”

Medda frowned. “Those boys that keep pickin’ on your friends?” Jack nodded, and she sighed and shook her head. “I bet so.”

Jack giggled, hiding his smile in his sleeve. Her exasperation was so dramatic that she was probably just trying to get him to laugh, but it was definitely working. “Um, do you wanna go on an ice cream run?” he said. “If you want.”

“Honey, I think we both deserve it after tonight.”

TAG LIST

@booksbroadwayandbagels @tis-my-cigar  @harrynerd  @crutchieee-morris  @seizetheimagines @juliet-the-smol @got-the-east-side  @i-got-personality  @internalscreaming012  @voice-foundshoe-lost   @capncrutch @thatfancyclam  @not-your-cigar  @jjjudeshitposts  @orphan-with-a-stutter @disney-princess-sized  @perpetualbedheadspier @bexlynne  @we-dont-sell-papes @the-woild-is-my-what-now  @you-thinks-wrong-romeo  @pitiful-ambitions  @purplelittlepup @imjusttheoutgoingsidekick @damn-too-many-fandoms  @cattt420  @ben-cook-can-cook @thedolanspineapple @racescoronas@awwwwwwdang @bencookisagod @carryingthedaveyjacobs @disasterbisexualhere @maiawakening @racetrackcook  @aw-jus-let-em-try @suddenly-im-respecsable @the-dance-boi  @jessmuell25 @intoomanyfandomstopickaname @be-more-chill-evan-hansen  @marcusisaprettygay  @insane-tomato @tomscaprisun @seasickdolphin @spot-conlon-king-of-brooklyn @have-we-got-news-for-you @papesdontsellthemselves

[iwikedinos-notactive]

Straw Hat Pirates Pregnancy & Parenting Head canons

So this was super fun to write so pls enjoy!

Monkey D. Luffy

Dis poor boi

Whenever you first told him, he seemed like he was gonna explode with happiness

Then, he asked you how it happened

And explaining that the other night when you two “had some fun”

Whew that was NOT fun

During your pregnancy, Luffy didn't really understand your cravings but he still did whatever you asked

There was LOTS of cuddling, but he tried (T R I E D) to hold back a little bit because he didn’t want to hurt you or the baby

After you gave birth, he was in tears the first time he held the child

He always played with the baby and taught them the most random things

Your baby's first word was probably meat or something like that

Whenever the baby starts crying he screams for you and waits outside the room, tears in his eyes, till you get the baby to stop crying

It hurts him so much cause he feels like he will do something wrong

All in all, this boi will be a fun dad but you will just have to show him how to do certain things

Roronoa Zoro 

This determined greenery  

Whenever you first told him, he didn’t look up and just said, “oh, cool”

Then he dropped his weight on his foot

Que the external and internal screaming

You thought he was gonna pass out, and he almost did

However, after he got done with that initial shock, he began to hug you and be his happy adorable self

During your pregnancy, there are A LOT of naps

You were probably not allowed to leave your room so you don't hurt yourself

Zoro was very overprotective of you

After you gave birth, Zoro was almost in tears but he didn’t shed any because of his “manly pride”

When you first brought them home, he watched it like a hawk

Seriously, he would not fall asleep until the baby was asleep and nothing suspicious was happening

Every little sound in the night would wake Zoro up to make sure that the baby was ok

When it comes to taking care of the baby, Zoro isn’t the best but he isn't the worst

Lets just say, he tries

Nami

Chilliest. Mom. Ever

Whenever she first told you, she started off a little shy, but whenever you accepted it, she was all over you

She was like a puppy greeting you after you came home

It was the cutest thing cause she normally didn’t act this way

During her pregnancy, she was VERY demanding

Every five seconds she would be screaming about wanting something

“Y/N I want ice cream” “Honey it is 3 in the morning”

She would always threaten to sick Sanji on you

And, trust me, he will not hesitate to murder you

After she gave birth, she was always playing with them

She would help them if they were crying

In the day time

At night, it was always you

Claims she needed her “beauty sleep”

Even though you all never slept when the baby was around

Usopp

The “Fun but if he says another dad joke the whole crew is ganging up on him to kill him” kind of dad

Whenever you first told him, he looked like he was gonna pass out

Then he started crying out of happiness

Then fear

Then any other emotion you can think of

Honestly, just give this poor boy about an hour to process this

During your pregnancy, he was honestly scared of you (he would never admit, but he was)

You would yell at him to get you something and he would just start sweating and run to get it

“Usopp! I want food!” *que internal screaming*

After you gave birth, Usopp was super excited

Usopp loves to tell stories so he would be happy to have someone to tell them to

Whenever it comes to taking care of the baby, he is similar to Luffy

However, he will take care of it on occasions

He is just scared

Just give him time

Vinsmoke Sanji

The fiery dad

Whenever you first told him, he had hearts in his eyes and was jumping up and down from excitement

He was so happy he immediately told everyone

He was like a kid being told they were going to a candy store

During your pregnancy, he was like your slave

He would constantly ask if you needed anything

He was always making your favorite foods

If you were walking and got even a little tired, he would just sweep you off your feet and carry you around

After you gave birth, he was ecstatic and in tears

He always brags about the child and you to anyone

“See those two angels over there?” “uh...who are y-” “That's my family. Don't get too friendly.” “Seriously who are you?!”

He can take care of the baby pretty well but leaves some things up to you

He almost ALWAYS feeds the baby

He leaves changing it’s diaper up to you but if you asked him to do it he would do it without hesitation

Tony Tony Chopper

The sane dad

When you first told him, he was ecstatic

Of course, he had his doubts

He was a little nervous to tell the crew at first

But he eventually came around

During your pregnancy, Chopper forced you to read all the books you could, then he would read them

This poor boy was so worried about everything

He would have constant checkups done

He would get you whatever you needed so you didn't have to leave the room

HE AINT PUTTIN YOU IN ANY KINDA DANGER

After you gave birth, he was crying and having all kinds of emotions

He was probably the one to deliver the child so that was a plus

He takes major pride in his doctor skills so to get to deliver a baby, HIS OWN BABY, made him feel super special

All in all, he was so happy throughout the whole experience

Nico Robin

Booky Mommy

When she first told you, she was super chill about the whole thing

You guys were probably just sitting around doing nothing

She just goes “I'm pregnant” without even looking up from her book

She looks up when you spill your coffee everywhere from shock

During her pregnancy, she actually wasn’t much of a craver

The most she asked you to do was to get her some more tea and a different book

However, she became even more restless at night

With what she has been through, she has to have quite a few nightmares

So now she is scared that she will be a bad mom or something similar will happen so she will need reassurance

After she gave birth, she actually started to tear up

She doesn’t often cry, but this was one of those occasions

Afterwards, Robin would constantly be around the baby and reading to it

I feel like the baby would be incredibly smart at a young age with Robin reading to them so much

Robin would probably read books about children and how to do things with them since she had a rough childhood

Franky

Super dad

Whenever you first told him, he started screaming so loud that one of the nearby windows shattered

He was feeling so many different things so he was just like

“How does one express this many emotions? Oh well, might as well just scream.”

He was super happy and he started running around screaming about he was gonna be a dad

During your pregnancy, he was constantly cuddling with you and showing you a lot of affection

At this point, just expect to wake up with something drawn on your stomach every morning

You can't wear crop tops anymore (If you don’t wear crop tops then ignore this)

There was this one time you and him had a fight about where to get the baby furniture

You just wanted to go out and buy it and he wanted to build it

But you didn’t win the argument cause midway through he just started building like thirty cribs

The ones you guys didn’t use are just sitting in a storage room

Honestly no one has any idea what to do with them

After you gave birth, Franky cried, and cried, and cried, and cried some more

He cried more than the baby did

He bragged about the furniture more than anything because it was one of the only fights that he won

Franky loves taking care of the baby but always cries whenever the baby cries

Brook

The singing dad

When you first told him, he was concerned on how it actually happened

Ya know, him being a skeleton and all

But you assured him it couldn't be anyone else's

After that, he went around singing about how he was gonna be a father

During your pregnancy, he was similar to Sanji

He was like your slave and you thought it was pretty funny

He was never like this so it was nice to take advantage of

(Sorry I kinda ran out of ideas)

After you gave birth, he was in tears as well as most of the people on the crew

He always sings to the baby to get it to sleep

There was this one time, you bought a whale shirt for the baby and Brook just died (again, YOHOHO! Alright I'll go)

Jinbei (not gonna lie I am excited to write for Jinbei)

Fish Father

When you first told him, like Franky, he just started screaming, not as loud but the face he made was definitely funny

He was asking all kinds of crazy questions and moving his hands (fins) around (Think of Tenya Iida from MHA)

It was pretty interesting

During your pregnancy, Jinbei was honestly scared to let you leave the room, much less the ship

Jinbei is a major worrier

He worries about a lot of things in this situation because he has never done this before

Like Sanji and Brook, he was your slave

But he was more scared of you than anything

You being your independent and beautiful self, you were actually terrifying to him

To think you could do all sorts of stuff while you had an entire small human in your stomach was so cool but scary to him

After you gave birth, like pretty much everyone on this list, he was crying

He was vowing to protect this small human with everything he had

He is a pretty fun dad, all in all

He would always take care and play with the kid whenever you couldn’t

If the kid turned out to look a lot like a fishman, he wouldn’t really take the kid outside of the ship all that much because of the way humans view fishman

But if his s/o suggested that they let them explore, he would allow it and you would just kill anyone that looked at them funny

Whew that was fun but it took forever! Don't forget to send in suggestions or matchups!

[katrinawritesthings]

Jonghyun/Taemin; Growing Up (Part 3/3); PG

“Okay, I got my perfume,” Jonghyun announces. He continues tapping the spray snow around his wrists and looks around expectantly. “Who wants to kiss me?”

1-2-3-Epilogue

Episode Nine Taemin is dealing with this whole crush thing better than he expected.

Like, he’s honestly kind of proud of himself for how he’s handling this. He doesn’t go out of his way to talk to Jonghyun, but doesn’t completely avoid him either. When Jonghyun tells him to do things he takes his time like he wouldn’t do whatever he asked in a heartbeat. When they do another affection test and Jonghyun winds up in first and he in second, he sits so close to Jonghyun that their sides press together but he keeps his arms wrapped firmly around his little stuffed animal pal. When Kibum is last to be picked and Jonghyun moves the last stuffed animal out of Yoogeun’s tiny reach, Taemin even mildly disapproves for a moment before he’s giggling at Jonghyun’s playfulness.

He’s doing good, very good, at managing his crush and not making it too obvious or dying on the inside every time Jonghyun so much as looks at him. The longer he spends knowing about it and dealing with it the better he gets. It’s a very comforting feeling, knowing that he has this under control. He feels like he might even get over the whole thing at some point soon. He’s fine. Things are going fine.

And then they’re at the mall and they wind up on a team together.

It’s a weird fucking feeling, to be bitter and also elated about something at the same time, but that’s the only way that Taemin can describe his emotions about this. When he pressed his shoulder up against Jonghyun’s before they went inside, that was his last controlled attempt at contact for the rest of this trip. Now they’re supposed to wander around the mall together for like half an hour and he’s supposed to just be okay with that and not melt or anything. Fuck.

At least he’s getting his wish from the other week, kind of. He’s is dying on the inside but at least he’s having a good time while it happens. The cameras aren’t exactly ideal but besides that, he was right--it’s just fun to hang out with Jonghyun and shop. He’s so touchy, so jokey, so endearing in his tiny movements and breathy laughs. Every time he tugs on Taemin’s wrist or laughs at his own jokes Taemin can physically feel himself falling harder and harder.

Eventually, they’ve picked out and bought a whole nice little outfit for Yoogeun, accessories included, and have one whole dollar left to get ice cream with. That’s a whole production on it’s own, but they’re finally given a tiny container and two spoons. Jonghyun slings his arm around Taemin’s shoulders in victory and Taemin closes his eyes, heart so full and warm it feels like it might burst out of his chest.

He’s going to have to confront this and figure it out at some point, but for now, he enjoys Jonghyun’s weight and warmth pressed against him, Jonghyun’s proud voice so close and soft by his ear.

Episode Ten Taemin really wishes the others hadn’t spoiled Yoogeun with a billion kissies earlier. Now the little booger expects them from everyone, including him, even when he isn’t feeling like it. He doesn’t want kissies. He just wants to zone out and daydream about holding Jonghyun’s hand and napping on his shoulder, because if he’s going to have this crush he’s at least going to get some enjoyment out of it. He’s cold and tired on this train to nowhere today and he doesn’t feel like getting spitty baby lip germs on him.

They should teach Yoogeun about that, honestly. About not having to show physical affection to people you love just because you love each other or whatever. That’s a good lesson.

“Taemin is refusing him,” Kibum says, fond amusement in his voice. Taemin smiles in spite of his grumpy mood, mostly for the cameras but partly because this is kind of funny, yeah. He leans way way way back, almost all the way back into one of their staff, to avoid Yoogeun’s kiss.

“Taemin wants to have his first kiss with a girl,” Jonghyun grins.

“Yeah,” Taemin says immediately, grinning back at him as he straightens up and readjusts Yoogeun in his arms. Kibum takes him easily without asking, leaving Taemin to lean up against the door of the train and latch further onto Jonghyun’s save. “I wanna have my first kiss with a girl.”

At that, everyone looks at him, judging, and Taemin feels heat creeping into his face. Heck. They think he’s lying.

“I haven’t done it yet,” he insists, “really,” but of course, no one fucking believes him, which is honestly wild, in his opinion. He doesn’t know what the other four have been doing where they’ve been getting some choice lip action, but he’s been busy being an idol and studying for class and sleeping and shit.

Though, when he thinks about it later, during a lull of the train ride, he was still technically lying, but not because he’s had his first kiss already. He tries not to think about it, because it’s still a very distressing line of thought, but watching Jonghyun come back into the train, blushy and grinning from the embarrassment of his latest challenge, he has to admit it himself. He doesn’t want to have his first kiss with a girl.

He wants to have his first kiss with Jonghyun.

And he decides, as they’re all walking sleepily down the road to their vacation house, that he’s going to do it.

Episode Eleven For someone that just spent the last few weeks desperate for things to do to take his mind off of Jonghyun, Taemin fucking hates that they’re always doing something on this mini vacation.

Like it wasn’t terrifying enough that he’s accepted his crush, and that he’s decided to try to do something about it--now he has to fucking sit here and do a bunch of “fun bonding activities” one after the other and he has to do all of it with that anxiety looming over him the entire time.

He’s having fun, yeah, and this is actually really nice and fun bonding time, but, like, still. He’s bitter and dying inside. Yesterday was bad enough, with the tiring journey up here, the getting settled, the walk by the river, and all of the nonsense and games that went with dinner.

That was fine, he guesses, besides the crushing pressure of an unrequited crush hanging heavily over his head and no one else’s the entire time. This morning was fucking garbage--he never wants to hear another kids song again and it’s gonna be months at least before he can enjoy a morning boner without linking it to that challenge--and now, as they’re all messing around with yet another affection test, he’s so tense and wound up so tight he thinks he might explode soon.

Jonghyun actually followed him earlier, jogged halfway down the hallway to the bathroom with him to giggle about how he lost the challenge and be an obnoxious little goober. Taemin keeps replaying that moment in his head. It was just a few seconds, really, and he knows it wouldn’t have been enough time to grab Jonghyun and explain about his crush and talk everything through, but his brain just keeps trying to tell him that he should have done it. It was probably the only fucking shot he had to get it done and over with and he blew it.

And now he’s here, watching everyone trying to gain validation from the whims of a child, and being grateful that at least he still cares enough about this to be mildly disappointed when Yoogeun picks Kibum instead of him. Like, at least he’s not completely obsessed with Jonghyun. That’s good.

Then Jonghyun grabs his hand.

“I wanna do it with Taemin,” he says, standing up from where he’d been watching on the floor.

And that’s not even anything romantic either; it’s just Jonghyun being bitter about losing and wanting another chance to not be last. Taemin still follows easily, holds Jonghyun’s hand until he lets go, sits just close enough that he can touch his foot against Jonghyun’s, and melts on the inside. Crushes are fucking wild.

Yoogeun picks Jonghyun, which was honestly a fifty-fifty shot, so Taemin isn’t too bummed about that. What he is bummed about is that when Jonghyun picks Yoogeun up and makes little kissie noises at him, Taemin finds himself feeling legitimately jealous of a four year old.

This vacation can’t be over soon enough.

Episode Twelve The soft, warm, genuine, loving smile that graces Jonghyun’s lips when he peeps in and finds their surprise party is the loveliest thing Taemin has ever seen in his entire life.

Like, yeah, Jonghyun is a loud obnoxious toe sometimes, but other times he really can’t hide that he cares about them all and has soft, fond, loving emotions in his heart about them. Taemin spends most of the party melty and floaty, taking every chance to touch or talk or be with him that he can, from holding his arms behind his back for birthday punches to just sitting next to him and watching him accept his presents.

“Okay, I got my perfume,” Jonghyun announces. He continues tapping the spray snow around his wrists and looks around expectantly. “Who wants to kiss me?”

And at that moment, in that heavy second between Jonghyun saying that and Minho calling for Yoogeun, Taemin comes so close to volunteering, so close to admitting that he wants to kiss Jonghyun to everyone, so close to revealing way more about himself than he ever should to a room full of cameras, that he snaps out of his enamored bubble and issues a direct order to his own brain to talk to Jonghyun about his crush and to do it as soon as humanly possible.

Which is how, after filming wraps at the house for the final time and the other three go home or to other schedules and Jonghyun stays behind with Taemin to help the camera crew clean, Taemin finds himself tugging Jonghyun behind the big folding screen with a quiet, “Hey, um, can I--can we--come take a break with me?”

“Oh, yeah, sure,” Jonghyun says. He twists his wrist in Taemin’s hand so they can hold hands instead, friendly and platonic, which is extremely distressing and should probably stop immediately.

Taemin squeezes his hand gently and slips in between all of the junk thrown between the screen and the wall so he can sit with his back to the wood. Jonghyun sits next to him, pulling his knees up to his chest and taking his hand away from Taemin’s to wrap around them. Taemin, hand still all warm and tingly, fiddles awkwardly with his fingers in his lap. Their sides are pressed together warm and solid and Taemin is half frozen just from debating with himself over whether or not he should move. It’s so nice.

“Sleepy?” Jonghyun asks him quietly. Taemin glances at him, shrugs, nods.

“Yeah,” he mumbles. When is he not sleepy, honestly. Thanks for caring about me, my heart just melted, he doesn’t say. Jonghyun hums in agreement and leans his head on Taemin’s shoulder.

“Thanks for the birthday party,” he mumbles. Taemin isn’t looking, because he feels like if he looks his heart will stop, but he can still hear the tiniest, softest smile in Jonghyun’s voice. “I really love you guys,” he sighs, and hooooly shit. When Jonghyun is quiet, when he’s off camera, when he’s casual and sleepy, when he’s himself, he’s so open and warm and genuine. Just like when he first saw his party. Taemin clenches his fists in his lap and takes a deep breath and talks without even really processing what words are coming out of his mouth.

“Jonghyun I’ve been meaning to tell you something for like a month and I don’t know how to say it cleverly without being really weird and awkward so I’m just going to say it right now really fast,” he says, really fast, and then he stops, because he can’t say it. Fuck.

He can feel Jonghyun’s confused pause before he sits up straight and leans forward a little, twisting so he can look at Taemin better. His brows are furrowed in concern, one hand reaching out to touch Taemin’s knee.

“Are you okay?’ he asks. “Did you get in trouble? Did someone hurt you? Was it--” his eyes narrow. “Was it you that put the mangas back in unalphabetical order? Have you been reading them without us? You know that’s like, band bonding time.” He moves his hand up to squish Taemin’s thigh grumpily. Taemin was halfway to scrunching his nose guiltily--because yeah, actually, that was him--but now he just sucks in a sharp breath. He can’t deal with this. He can’t deal with Jonghyun, with his worry and concern, with his eagerness to spend time with them, with his warm hand, with his soft, plush, pretty, pink lips.

He needs to just get this done and over with. He wants to go back to being stressed about normal things, like bugs and being famous. Jonghyun leans a little closer to try to peep into his eyes and Taemin takes another big breath.

“I’ve had a crush on you,” he says, “for like, two months? And I’ve been trying to figure it out and get over it by myself but I can’t because I just. Keep thinking about you and wanting to snuggle you or whatever and I keep wondering what it would be like and I just--I want you to--can you make out with me for a little bit?”

The question comes out by accident, but as he says it he doesn’t try to stop it. He thinks that would help, yeah. There’s a long, heavy silence as Jonghyun stares blankly at him. His hand doesn’t move from Taemin’s leg.

“What?” he asks, and Taemin scrunches his face. God. Fuck. What the fuck is wrong with him. “Taemin…,” Jonghyun says, lifts his hand to rub the side of his head. He looks away, looks up, looks back to Taemin with a little frown. Taemin doesn’t want to think of what he’s going to say, but he does anyway--”what the fuck,” “are you gay,” “that’s gross,” “you’ve ruined our friendship forever and we can never be alone together again--”

“You’re, like, sixteen,” Jonghyun says.

“I--oh,” Taemin says. He. Oh. That’s not what he was expecting. Now he knows even less what to say. Like, he never prepared any anti homophobic comebacks anyway, but now he’s just confused. Jonghyun’s only hangup is an age thing? Oh. “I know that,” he says blankly. “I just.” He just. He sighs and rubs his palms into eyes.

“I don’t want you to fuck me, or anything,” he says. Whatever he’s been feeling romantically, there’s been no sexul attraction, which is honestly a blessing. He can’t imagine having to go through all of this bullshit with a boner the whole time as well. “Just….” He looks up and flops his hand out to pap Jonghyun’s knee. “Just, kiss me, for a little bit, just so I know what it’s like and so I can, you know, get over it. Hopefully.” He wiggles Jonghyun’s knee pleadingly, the realizes how that must look with his newly admitted crush, and then moves to take it away self-consciously. Jonghyun grabs his hand to stop him and pats it softly.

“I know that was a platonic touch, it’s fine,” he mumbles. Taemin looks at his hand and rubs his thumb over Jonghyun’s knee in a way that’s only slightly less platonic. Jonghyun stays quiet, staring at the floor and nibbling on his thumbnail. Taemin bites his lip as he waits and tries not to overthink Jonghyun’s response. He’s already a little dizzy from his nerves. He doesn’t need to make it worse.

His attempts don’t really work and instead he closes his eyes and tries to breathe deeply and tell himself over and over that Jonghyun doesn’t suddenly hate him forever. He’ll probably only hate him for, like, a year, at most. Until they start a new comeback and he has too much stuff to do to be busy with being mad at Taemin for liking him or whatever. Maybe. Probably. Fuck. Maybe Taemin should just tell him he was jok--

“Just kiss?” Jonghyun asks him suddenly. Taemin blinks out of his thoughts, then blinks more because everything is kind of blurry. When he focuses again Jonghyun is looking at him with his thumb rubbing slowly over his own lip. Taemin tries really hard not to stare and doesn’t succeed.

“Um,” he says. “Yeah. Maybe, uh, also.” He creeps his hand forward, slides it up Jonghyun’s leg until he can catch his hand again and hold it loosely. Jonghyun snorts, chuckles fondly, laces their fingers together and squeezes his hand. “Uh, fuck,” Taemin mumbles. That is. Nice.

“For how long?” Jonghyun asks him. Taemin blinks more at that, but this time in confusion. Uh. He doesn’t. Know.

“Uh. I don’t. Know?” he says. “How long… is the average makeout?”

“I mean,” Jonghyun says, and a little smirk curves up his lips. “For me, a while,” he grins. Taemin rolls his eyes. He doesn’t care about Jonghyun’s frequent lip-touching endeavors. “But, for us,” Jonghyun hums. “I guess, a few minutes, tops.” He shrugs; Taemin swallows hard, heart rate suddenly picking up in his chest.

“So, you’re saying, yes?” he says. His voice comes out a little broken, which is humiliating, but Jonghyun smiles simply and nods anyway.

“If it’ll help you destress, yeah,” he says. “You’re sure it’s not gonna tip you even deeper and make you wanna be, like, my boyfriend or anything, right? Because, I mean. You’re a child, and also, you know I’m. Trying to. Get with.” He trails off, waving a hand in circles and blushing a faint pink. Taemin snorts. His giant crush on Sekyung, Taemin knows. He won’t shut up about her ever. It’s adorably obnoxious, just like everything else about him.

“I’m pretty sure,” he says. He doesn’t have any experience with humans or anything but usually once he finally does something he’s been thinking about, he stops thinking about it. He doesn’t see why making out with a crush would be any different from the norm. If it does heck him up more then at least he won’t have any doubt over whether or not Jonghyun will actually consider it and that hard no will help him get over it by himself.

“Alright then,” Jonghyun shrugs. He gets to his knees in front of Taemin, leans forward, lifts his free hand to gently cup Taemin’s face. Taemin blinks very quickly, shudders out a heavy breath, stares at Jonghyun suddenly so warm and so close. Fuck. His lips look so soft. “You know how to kiss, right?” Jonghyun asks him quietly. Taemin scrunches his nose. He does not.

“No, I told you guys I haven’t done it yet on the train,” he mumbles, feeling heat creep into his cheeks. It’s not his fault if they didn’t believe him. Jonghyun looks blankly at him for a moment, then closes his eyes and sighs and shakes his head.

“God, that’s such a burden,” he mutters. “Your first kiss, now I gotta try extra hard to make it good, fuck.”

“Sorry?” Taemin offers, but Jonghyun shakes his head again.

“No, it’s fine, I wasn’t, like, experience shaming you or anything,” he says. Taemin snorts. Experience shaming. Well, good. He didn’t really mean his apology anyway. “Just,” Jonghyun says, and the thumb on Taemin’s jaw lifts to press against his bottom lip in a gentle tap that makes Taemin squeeze his hand hard. “My lip, then your lip, then my lip, then your lip,” he says. “Like a sandwich. Don’t pucker too much. Open your mouth a little but not a lot. Tilt your head to the left. Go slow. Just let me lead, okay?” He nods, expecting Taemin to nod back; Taemin blinks and takes a moment to absorb that round of rapid-fire kiss tips. He didn’t expect that, but he thinks he’s got it.

“Uh, okay,” he says.

“Okay,” Jonghyun smiles, and he leans forward and kisses Taemin.

Taemin blinks again because he wasn’t expecting that so suddenly either, but then he closes his eyes and tries to relax into it.

It proves to be surprisingly easy; Jonghyun’s skin is warm, his hands are steady, and most importantly, his mouth is soft and comfortable. Their lips fit together easily as Jonghyun kisses him again and again, all soft, slow, warm pecks and smooth slides.

It’s wetter than Taemin was expecting, but he doesn’t find it to be a bad thing. Every so often Jonghyun nibbles or sucks on his bottom lip, which makes him shiver. Jonghyun’s hand on his jaw slips around to the back of his head, angling him better into it, and he lets Taemin squeeze his hand as much as he wants. Taemin’s other hand taps eagerly on Jonghyun’s knee.

He wants to slide his hand up Jonghyun’s leg and to his waist, to pull Jonghyun in his lap so their bodies can press together and so he can wrap his arms around Jonghyun and hold him close for comfort. He wants to, but he doesn’t, because he feels like trying to push it to that point of intimacy would make Jonghyun cut their time short.

Though, honestly, as the kiss goes on, he doesn’t think he would mind cutting it short. It’s not that he doesn’t like it, but it’s just… not as big a deal as he thought it would be. He was expecting fireworks and rushing emotions and butterflies, not easy company and soft relaxation. He was expecting to feel closer and more in love with Jonghyun than ever before, not the same kind of platonic comfort that he gets when they hug or sleep snuggled together.

He feels like he’s been misled about kissing by all of the lovey dovey shit in the media. This isn’t exhilarating. It’s just nice. If this is what dating someone is like, what being in love is like, then he doesn’t really see how it’s different from just being close to your friends. Honestly, holding Jonghyun’s hand got him more fluttery than their lips touching, and he can do that without being romantic with him.

This kiss is going to come to a close soon, he thinks. He’s not entirely sure how much time has passed, but he’s gotten a knack for determining how long a few minutes feels from all of the songs he’s performed in his life. Jonghyun will probably be pulling away right… about….

“Mwah,” Jonghyun says cutely as he breaks off their kiss. Taemin exhales softly, amused at himself for predicting that so well, and blinks open his eyes. Jonghyun is sitting back on his heels and smiling at him pleasantly. His free hand finds Taemin’s on his knee so he can hold both and tap his fingers over Taemin’s knuckles. Taemin smiles fondly at their hands, rubs his thumbs over Jonghyun’s skin. That is still nice.

“So how was it?” Jonghyun asks. His voice is smooth, confident, proud of himself; one eyebrow is arched up expectantly and his mouth is curved up into a cocky little smirk. Taemin licks his lips, nibbles his bottom one, and shrugs.

“It was nice,” he says honestly. “Thanks.” He squeezes Jonghyun’s hands gratefully and makes to stand up. Their disappearance will probably get noticed soon and he doesn’t feel like coming up with a lie to give the staff about it.

“I--nice?” Jonghyun asks. He frowns up at Taemin like he was expecting more than that. Taemin just nods, tugging him gently to his feet.

“Yeah,” he says. “I know what it’s like now.” That’s all he wanted and it’s what he got. He’s happy with that. He should be able to sort himself out now. He shrugs again and reaches up to fix Jonghyun’s bangs out of his eyes. “Come on,” he says, and tugs Jonghyun back out from the screen. Jonghyun follows, pouting and shuffling his feet on the floor. Taemin drops his hand when they go back to the room with all of the people and stretches his arms over his head. He feels better.

[choco-chip-cookie]

BabyDaddy!Cal Pt.5

A/N: Honestly...I don't really like this chapter all that much but two of my friends loved it. So, sorry if it's shitty, but I really tried my best.  This was honestly a filler chapter, but I’m gonna try to make sure the next chapter is waay better than this. As you know 100 notes and feedback for the next chapter and I hope you enjoy, hun💕

**WARNINGS**: None, but I got you in 6 & 7 ;)

Parts: one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen,fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty{END}

"Where's Y/N?"

"Luke took her sight seeing."

The minute Michael told Calum that, he knew that he was going to have a bad day. Calum had brought you on this tour with them to keep you closer to him and to somewhat fix what was happening between the two of you. Ever since you two had that talk a few night ago, things had been going well. It was as if you had a better understanding of each other and knew what and what not to expect. You hadn't left his side until today and of course it had to be because of Luke. Both Michael and Ashton immediately picked up on Calum's sudden mood change and knew that he was going to be grumpy for the remainder of the day.

You on the other hand thought that sight seeing was the best way to start your day. Luke had taken you all over Florence and had you laughing throughout the entire trip. You had seen the Florence Cathedral, visited the Galleria dell'Accademia, and you even got to try gelato for the first time. It was around twelve in the afternoon when you two finally returned to the hotel, entering the room laughing.

"I understand the hype with the ice cream." You admitted."That's fuckin' amazing."

"I told you that and you swore it wouldn't be."

"I wonder if that lady knew who you were."

Luke had somehow managed to step on some lady's skirt, sending her tumbling to the ground and he went along with her from trying to keep her from falling. You were bent over from laughing too hard while he stumbled over an apology with red cheeks and her family stared at the two trying to figure out what had happened.

"Shut up." The blonde pushed you slightly.

"Seems like you two had fun." Calum spoke bitterly and the room was suddenly filled with tension.

You of course caught on to his tone of voice and due to your natural attitude and heightened emotions, you definitely wouldn't let it slide."We did, actually, and I'd appreciate it if you didn't fucking ruin it with your unnecessary attitude."

The other three boy's mouths formed small "O" shapes at your quick attitude change, knowing that an argument was most likely about to take place. The two of you had attitudes and never ending comebacks so there was no telling what would happen. They had seen you argue plenty of times before, but it was never pleasant.

"My attitude wouldn't be necessary if you didn't go out with Luke."

"Man, bruh." You drug out the word man and tossed your head back onto your shoulders."Don't you think this shit is getting old? I'm tired of telling you that we're just friends and that he's hanging around more to do what you didn't want to do."

"You don't have to keep throwing that in my face, Y/N, I thought we moved passed that."

"Clearly we haven't since you're pissed that I went somewhere with Luke!"

"Of course I'm pissed! He's the reason we're broken up and fighting all of the time!"

As Ashton saw Luke look down at the ground and chew on his lip to attempt to mask his guilt, he thought now would be a good time to stop the two of you before you both began to say things you’d regret later, but it seemed as if it was too late.

"Guys, come on. We have an interview in like twenty minutes can we not-"

"If Calum would've just shut the hell up we wouldn't be doing this right now."

"If you would've just kept your legs closed then we wouldn't be arguing over Luke!" Calum shot back and it was as if you could hear a pen drop in the room.

The second Calum saw the tears in your eyes he regretted what he said. He took it too far and knew that you were going to raise hell for it.

"Y/N, I-"

"Nah, bruh. Fuck you and allat other shit." You practically growled at him."Every time I try to give you another chance you remind me why we're not together."

"I'm sorry, I didn't-"

"Yes you did." You laughed bitterly, walking out of their room to go and sulk in your suite and ignoring Amy's questions.

When the door slammed behind you all three of the guys turned to glare at Calum who's face showed nothing but guilt.

"Well, nice going Calum. You pissed her off and made her cry within five minutes."

"I didn't mean that."

"You did and we all know it." Luke shook his head."Look, mate, I know what happened was fucked up and I know how bad it hurts that she's potentially having my kid. You can't hold that against her forever, Calum."

"Yeah, what if it is yours? Then you put her through so much shit to the point where she wants nothing to do with you all for nothing." Michael added."Fucking idiot."

Just then Amy walked in with a confused expression, pointing behind her as she said,"Any particular reason Y/N just walked into our room crying?"

"It's complicated." Calum dismissed it and she shrugged.

"Okay then...You boys ready for the interview?"

Throughout the whole interview anyone in the room could tell that Calum wasn't present. He was too busy thinking of Y/N crying alone in her hotel suite alone because of him. Because he always had to yell out words without thinking first. Because he couldn't stop being so damn insecure about himself. He knew and understood that she and Luke were just friends, he knew that there was nothing going on between them. Yet, he couldn't help but to get jealous every time they spent time together. Luke was everyone's type, the typical "hot guy". Blonde, pretty blue eyes, tall, a smile to die for, and he could sing. Why wouldn't you leave him for Luke? The words you'd told him over and over again were resonating in his head and he didn't even hear the interviewer direct a question towards him.

"Calum." Ashton caught his attention, poking him in the arm."She asked you something."

"Oh, I'm sorry. What were you saying?"

"I asked how have you and Y/N been."

At this question Calum tensed up."We've been great, she's lovely."

"We haven't seen much of you two lately, everyone was wondering if you were still together." The strawberry blonde continued to press on the matter and the boys tried to derail from the question. This was definitely the wrong time to be asking this question.

"Uh, yeah, we're just going through a little rough patch, but it's nothing we can't handle."

"Ah, " She gave him a devilish smile,"would that be because of Luke?"

"I uh, what? No." Calum laughed nervously, pinching at the material of his black skinny jeans. The boy was trying to keep his cool, but the interviewer kept adding to the flame she started.

"I mean, a lot of people have been speculating that she's either cheating on you with Luke or that you two broke up and she moved on to him." She then turned to Luke who was nibbling on his lip nervously, eyeing Calum as he knew he would burst any moment. "You've been spending a lot of time with her recently. Any particular reason as to why?"

"Uh, no. Me and Y/N have been really good friends since she and Calum first met. We just like each other's company."

"So, what about this picture of the two of you kissing."

All four of the boys' eyes widened at the words that left her lips. The crew that had tagged along were pissed since the interviewer were asking a series of questions without checking it through with them. Calum could feel his blood boil as he looked at the blonde boy sitting beside him.

"You fucking kissed her?"

"No!"

"But this picture-" the lady showed them the picture proof, but was interrupted by Michael rudely telling her to shut up.

"I knew you liked her, I just- Fuck!" Calum yelled and knocked his chair over along with a few other things.

"Calum! Calm down!" Amy shouted then turned to the man in charge and shouting."You better edit all of that out or I swear to God a lawsuit will be on your hands." She pointed in his face and told the boys to follow her.

The ride back to the hotel was quiet and tension filled. That's how a lot of the time spent together between the boys had been recently. No one spoke a word as Calum practically had steam blowing from his ears and they all walked straight passed the paps and few fans standing outside of their hotel. This baby situation was slowly becoming too much for them to contain and they didn’t know how long they had before it got out to the public.

"I'm going to let you deal with this crap by yourselves." Amy scolded."This better be resolved before the party in two days or we’re all going to have to listen to another one of David’s lectures." She warned and stormed out of the room.

"Luke, seriously?" Ashton sighed, running his finger through his hair. This wasn't even his mess and he was just as stressed as Luke and Calum was.

"Yeah, man. I thought you said you didn't like her?" Michael added.

"I don't!" Luke threw his hands in the air in exasperation."I don't know where that came from, but we didn't kiss."

"Yeah, cause a picture is-"

"Come on, Calum. You know they photo shop shit." Luke tried to prove his innocence."I don't remember what exactly we did that day, but I swear we didn't kiss. There's nothing going on between us."

Calum was slowly pacing the room, his hands placed on top of his head as he blew out air. Whenever he decides to finally let go of the crazy theory of you two liking each other, something always popped up and told him otherwise.

"I'm taking a walk." He announced and pat his pockets to check and see if he had his phone and wallet."I’ll be back whenever.”

Calum ignored the calls of his friend as he left the hotel suite, slamming the door behind him.

"Amy have you seen, Y/N?" Ashton checked into the room and she nodded her head, pointing to the bathroom where the faint sound of the shower could be heard. "Can you tell her to come to me room when she's done?"

"Yeah."

Ashton had sat in his bed and scrolled through twitter for almost twenty minutes before there was a soft knock at his door. Locking his phone and tossing it to the side, he jogged to the door to allow you into his room.

"Hey here, bud." You greeted as you plopped onto what you believed was Ashton's bed.

The older boy took a seat beside you, smiling as he eyed your visible baby bump that showed through the white tank top you wore.

"Your belly button is starting to popping out." He chuckled and your hand went to sit on your belly.

"I can barely fit my pants anymore, let alone my shirts." You giggled."What did you need?"

He took a deep breath before asking,"Did you kiss Luke?"

"Huh?" You furrowed your eyebrows."No?"

He then proceeded to tell you about what went down during the interview and how pissed Calum currently was. You couldn’t help but to immediately worry when you found out that the Māori boy you loved so dearly had been out roaming the streets of Florence alone for hours on end and how no one has heard from him.

"Have you called him?"

"He won't answer."

"Ashton!" You shouted as you stood abruptly."We have to go-"

"Y/N, Calum can handle himself okay? If he needed help he'd call."

"But-"

"You can't do much anymore anyway, you're pregnant." He chuckled."But I promise if he doesn't come back before eleven, I'll go look for him."

"Aight." You agreed."Goodnight, Ashton."

"Goodnight, Y/N."

Hours later both you and Amy were awoken to the sound of someone banging on your door. Amy grumbled as she checked the clock and saw that it was nearly one in the morning. You tried to return to your slumber until you heard Calum's raspy voice arguing quietly with Amy.

"I just want to sleep with, Y/N."

"Dammit, Calum go to your own room." She demanded and you sighed, standing to your feet. You knew that he wasn't going to leave, you never could get him to.

Collecting your phone and charger, you rubbed your eyes as you approached the two."Amy, I'll just go with him." You touched her shoulder and let her know that she could return to her bed.

Calum grinned sleepily at you and laced his fingers with yours as he drug you back to his and Michael's shared room. Once he used the key card to unlock the door, the two of you entered quietly to not disturb Michael's slumber  and climbed into his bed.

"Why are you always so complicated?" You questioned as he got settled in behind you, pulling you close to his chest.

"I couldn't sleep, so I wanted to cuddle ."

"You're impossible." You chuckled quietly as he placed small kisses to your shoulders.

"Y/N," he started,"I'm sorry about earlier, I didn't-"

"Calum just let it go." You sighed out and he stopped his apologies. "It's okay."

You lifted his hand up to your lips, pressing them against his knuckles before returning them to their original spot. Hearing the reassurance from you, Calum pressed one last kiss to your shoulder and drifted off to sleep. You on the other hand had those words he spat at you earlier echoing throughout your mind, wishing that you were as unaffected by it as you gave off.

[annnnnnabanana]

How can you tell them that you want them and that you care for them but you can’t be with them. I’ll always be there for you. when it is 3am and im drunk or when its 2pm and im working. I’m there. always there. it’s you; it’s always been you since I met you five months ago. The way you make me feel is insane. It’s an indescribable feeling. You made me feel every single fucking emotion. You made me so happy but you managed to make me so sad. Luckily the happy outweighed the sad. Maybe one day we will cross paths, you’ll see me, i’ll see you, we’ll meet up and reconnect and talk like we never stopped. Our passion was like fire. Bright and hot. We loved hard for five months. We definitely fought to be together. You picked me. You wanted me instead of her. I picked you over everyone. You understood me. I remember staying up for nights in a row just to talk to you until morning. Our silences were so calming and weren’t awkward. I could sit there and listen to you breathe and be so content with life. I wish we were in my car and I was driving doing something stupid and you just laughed like I was an idiot but I really knew you were falling in love with me with every little moment we spent together. From the waffle house dates to playing monopoly to getting lost in Narnia a.k.a. IKEA to sitting in my room just talking to being on facetime and you making music or you showing me your favorite songs. God I miss you. To be honest, I don’t think i’ll ever stop missing you. You were something special. You didn’t know how to open up to me. I struggled because i knew you wanted to let me in but you couldn’t. You didn’t want to get hurt. You didn’t want someone to learn so much about you that they could hurt you. I wasn’t ever going to hurt you. I never planned on it. But you, you hurt me. You destroyed me. I’m broken because of you. But there you are, partying and getting drunk with random people you don’t know, probably fucking some girl in your room, to suppress your feelings; but here I am, getting drunk and crying my pitiful, sad tears all alone to let out my feelings. You’re numb. You put up these walls that I spent five months trying to break down. I let you in straight away because i’m too trusting. I care too much. I love too deeply. I get attached too easily. It fucks me up. Maybe one day i’ll learn to not do that to keep my heart from being broken and crushed. You ripped my heart out of my chest tonight. I’ll be numb too, just like you. But eventually i’ll be okay. I’ll find someone who won’t make me feel like this. You’ll still be sleeping around trying to forget your hurt and pain. I wonder if you’ll lay in your bed at night tossing and turning because you can’t sleep because you’re thinking of me and if I still miss you. If you’re wondering, I do. We both have some growing up to do. We both were changing. You couldn’t handle having someone there to help you through it. You didn’t want to change together. You didn’t want to grow with me, I did. I wanted to go through everything with you; the good, the bad, the beautiful, and the ugly. You were scared you were going to hurt me so you let me go. It was more painful to know you didn’t want to try with me. You tried to spare my feelings. I’m not some fragile fucking doll. I am a damn human. I am strong and I can take what you throw at me. I wanted us to work out. In all honesty, it got to the point, for me, where I was day dreaming about our future together. Our house, our jobs, our kids, our wedding. All of it. But it doesn’t matter now. You threw it all away… But I hope you can be happy and successful just like I hope you wish the same for me. I won’t talk bad about you because you were and still are what I wanted. You’ll forever be engraved in my heart and my mind. You taught me how a guy should treat me, how I should be loved, and I can’t thank you enough for it. Hopefully, I taught you something too. Maybe you can love your next girl even better and treat her even better. Maybe she will be more than what I could/ did give you. I hope she does you well. I hope she checks up on you while you’re drunk. I hope she likes your music and she supports you. I hope she doesn’t get mad when you need to be alone because you’re going through something you can’t explain. I hope she knows your favorite colors, that you only like Chickfilas diet lemonade and that’s all you will drink from there, your slightly unhealthy obsession with Selena Gomez and butts, that you love choking people and that it is your job, that you can eat seven plates of food and still be hungry, that your favorite movie of all time is Dead pool, that you’re insecure about your calves and only you can make fun of them or you get upset, that you and your sister are really close, that you and your dad share college stories, that you love memes and deadlifting, that your favorite animal is a penguin, that you believe in aliens, that even though you are lactose intolerant you still choose to eat area 51 ice cream because that is your favorite place, that you also really love chicken nuggets and I think if it were possible you would marry them, that you love waffle house, that you love crazy crew socks, that you love being dressy and you love playing dress up, that when you start tapping your fingers to the beat of a song you are playing the beat in your head and trying to figure it out, that you’re weird but it makes you ten times funnier, that you are charming, that you are the perfect gentleman, that it is hard for you to open up and let people in, and I hope she gets to know more of you than I got to know even if I wanted to know every detail about you; from the day you were born to the very day and moment we are in right now.

Why can’t you get drunk and text me that you miss you like I do when i’m drunk. It doesn’t seem fair that you hold it together so well while i’m barely holding on by a thread, just dangling there waiting for someone to cut the string. You remember how this whole thing started? It started with Grey’s Anatomy. You tweeted, “what’s so hype about greys?” I replied, “hot doctors and crazy cool illnesses.” You said, “hmm maybe i’ll watch an episode.” A few days later, I dmed you because it gave me the perfect excuse to talk to you. Of course you said you didn’t watch it. I remember the first thing you told me was that you thought your middle name was weird and then you randomly told me your middle name. we talked every day from that night. We made so many memories starting from that night. and now… now it’s all over. Both going through the same cycle. Heartbreak, sadness, possibly anger, happiness. But then we just start over with someone new and then go through that cycle with them. I didn’t want to have to start over. I didn’t want to go through the heartache or the breakups or the sadness. I wanted to be with you and only you. I wanted to wake up at 4am and look to my left and see you laying next to me. I wanted to make breakfast together in our cute apartment/ house. I wanted to cuddle up next to you on our couch eating dinner and drink some sort of alcoholic beverage enjoying each others company watching some weird ass show I probably found. I’ll always wonder what you’re doing. If you’re talking to some new girl. If you’re having sex with some girl to fill the void like you do. I’ll wonder if you’re okay. I’ll wonder if you wonder about me. I’ll wonder if you want to get back together with me. I’ll always wonder. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. I miss you and I hope you miss me too. 1/22/2017 2:05am 1/24/2016 11:03pm You texted me today. I replied with I miss you. You didn’t reply. I drove to all of our places today. I cried and I laughed because of our memories we made. Im sad because I know that it’s completely over between us and I wish it wasn’t because we had so much growing to do that we could have done together. I know you want to be with me but right now it’s too hard. We could have been something special, ya know? Really special. We could have given each other the world. I miss you so much. Its only been four days but all I do is cry. 1/27/17 8:07am I am in class. It’s boring. And all I’m doing is thinking about you. I still miss you. It’s been 6 days, almost a week since we broke up. I’m still sad but I’m better. I hope we can try again one day. You were and still are my favorite person. You make me so happy. You said you wanted to be with me but you couldn’t. It hurt but it didn’t hurt nearly as bad as when you said you are trying to detach yourself. That broke me. I’m sorry for talking about my feelings and oversharing and just missing you. I don’t really know what to do. I have this feeling that we will get back together but in my mind we won’t. I have not been able to get the thought out of my head that you are fucking some other girl and the thought of that makes me sick. Like honestly sick, like I could throw up at any moment. I had a dream last night: you came to my house with flowers, talked to my mom. You didn’t tell her we were broken up because you knew that I never told her in hopes of us getting back together and I didn’t want her to not like you. You came to my room and asked if we could talk and I said get the hell out because I didn’t want to speak to you because you broke my heart. You didn’t leave. You came in, shut my door and sat on my bed. I sat up and said I didn’t want to hear anything you had to say because I was sick of your bullshit. You talked to my anyways because you knew I would listen. You said, “I want to be with you, Anna. I miss you and I keep coming back to you. You are my favorite person. I would do anything for you. I care about you so much. Do you miss me? (as if you didn’t already know the answer).” “Of course I miss you, Braeden. How could I not? You were so special to me and I don’t think you realized it. But I am so sick of your bullshit excuses and I’m tired of running back to you just so you can break my heart again and again and again. You showed me something about myself that I didn’t think anyone could show me. You showed me how I should be treated by everyone that came into my life and I can’t thankyou enough for that.” “Do you wanna go for a drive with me”, you asked. “Yeah, I do.” We got up to leave. My mom said be safe and that she loved us. We got in your car and started driving. You told me why you left and that there was no ulterior motive behind it, that you weren’t lying. I am so appreciative of the fact that you are so honest with me. I stared out the window while you were talking to me. I couldn’t look at you without crying. I just wanted to hug and kiss you but I knew I couldn’t do that. That it wouldn’t be fair to me or you. I am always looking out for you. I always have and will put you and your feelings above myself even though I know I shouldn’t do that. You looked at me looking out the window and you smiled. I saw it in the reflection of the windshield. I said what. You said, “I have to tell you something and im not sure how you will react or how im going to react after the words come out of my mouth.” I said, “what is it? Are you gonna tell me you slept with 15 girls in the matter of a 2 weeks and then got back together with Mallory?” “No I wasn’t going to tell you that. Why would you think that? I never even thought of sleeping with someone else Anna.”, you said. I said, “ that’s what you do Braeden. When you are single, you fuck. That’s all you do is fuck.” I knew when I said that, I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. I apologized for saying it. You know I would never hurt you on purpose. You told me that it was okay; that you knew I was sorry. You acted like it didn’t affect you. I hate when you do that. You put up this façade and act like nothing matters to you and that nothing hurts you and that you don’t care. I do it too. I am trying to stop it. You said, “can I tell you what I was trying to tell you ten minutes ago?” we are in horn lake somewhere, I don’t remember driving that far. “yes you can, Im sorry.” Im always apologizing for something. “don’t be sorry, Anna. But * long pause* I think I love you.” I sit up and I finally looked at you. “what?” “Yes, Anna, I really do.” “Since when Braeden because you sure as hell don’t act like it,” I said. “since I met you. I knew it on our first date that I was gonna fall in love with you.” “oh…,” I said. Then I woke up and Im not quite sure what happened after that.. I know that this dream will never happen in real life. I know that you don’t love me like that. I know you don’t want me. And that’s okay. I’m eating. More than the last time we broke up. Im not drowning my feelings and filling my veins with alcohol like I did before. Im better. I might be sad but im better. My mom asked about you Friday, I had to tell her and she got mad at me for not telling her sooner… Telling her, made it seem so much more real. I didn’t want her to know because it gave me some sort of hope in us getting back together. I didn’t want her to not like you but she still likes you even loves you. I had another dream; all you did was text me about some hockey player attatched with a picture. It was weird and I don’t know what’s happening to me. Its been 4 days and I still haven’t cried.. its been a week and one day since we broke up and it still hurts just like it did the first time you broke up with me. Day 11 since we broke up… 2/1/17 10:31am Well its our almost what would have been six months of being together. 3 months of officially dating. But that doesn’t exist anymore. I got sad yesterday and of course im still sad today. I think about you all the time. You never leave my mind. It’s literally impossible to go a second without seeing thinking of you. I see you in everything I do. It hurts me but somehow makes me happy at the same time. I still have all our pictures and videos because I can’t seem to delete them. It would make me sad to know that I could never look back at all the memories we made. I am honestly surprised I am doing as well as I am. When we broke up the first time, I was a mess. I didn’t eat or sleep or anything really. The only thing I did was drink and drink and drink. Its all I did for a week straight. I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t breathe. I felt sick. I missed my home. My comfort. My safe place. You were my home. I never felt safer than when I was in your arms. Your hugs made me feel warm and happy. No matter what I did or how I felt, you were always there for me. It’s hard to do things without thinking of you or it bringing back memories. I can’t listen to certain songs or go to certain places or order certain things without crying or feeling sadness because it is all associated with you. I remember every little detail about you and our relationship. It’s a constant cycle of me just replaying our memories in my brain. It’s never ending. You are on my mind when I wake up, all day, when I go to sleep, and even in my dreams. I can never get away from you no matter how hard I try. I know it’s not over for us. I feel it in my bones, my heart, my brain, my blood, everything. We are nowhere near done; not any time soon. I was talking to Meagan last night. I know what you are thinking; your best friend. My Mallory has told me over and over that all you did was use me for sex. But I don’t think you did. If I did, you wouldn’t have stayed with me for five months. You would have left me the second after we did stuff together. I think you genuinely cared for me and showed me how I should be treated and I cant thank you enough for that. I am so appreciative of you. I know you know that I am always there for you no matter what and that I will always care for you and that you will ALWAYS have a special place in my heart. I told her that I think we were getting super serious too fast and it scared you. You aren’t used to something like that. You take your time but I think you realized that you were falling and falling hard and fast and you didn’t know what to do or how to handle it. I was scared because I didn’t know what was happening. Im terrified. I didn’t know what I was feeling or how I was feeling. My emotions went crazy. I think I realized that I was falling too. I’m scared of being happy. Scared of being in love. Scared of fully opening myself up to someone. I know you are too. I don’t think you and Mallory or any of your exes had a connection like we did. I don’t think you felt like this with anyone but me. I really do hope you are doing okay because im not. Im doing horrible. Im constantly being asked if I am and I say yes but I know I am lying and I think they know im lying too. They still like you. They hope that we get back together. They want you to come over on super bowl Sunday. My dad asked about you… He said he missed you and he never says that about anyone. Im sorry I feel the way I feel. Im sorry I couldn’t help you get through what you needed to get through. I told Meagan that she could read this one day but I don’t think I will let her. Maybe one day I can stop writing because A) we get back together or B) I finally get over you. Man, I hope it is the first one. I really do. But for right now, I’m not done writing and I won’t be anytime soon.. I Love You So Much. Its 3:03am on Friday February 3rd, 2017. You sent me a song yesterday that you remixed. It was another one of your breakup mixes, you know, the ones that make you a lot of money and get you a lot of views… yeah one of those. I don’t know why you did it. Was it to hurt me? To remind me of you and that you still existed? Either way it was still good and I really like it. But I decided to look up the meaning of the lyrics and it hurt me. “fighting flames of fire hang onto burning wires we don’t care anymore Are we fading lovers?” It makes total sense. We had hardships in our relationship. A lot, actually. We are fading; we don��t talk anymore. We hung to burning wires; clinging for us to stay together. Fighting for what we wanted and needed. I cried for so long today. My mom is worried. I don’t know how long it will take me to be happy again. I’m getting drunk tonight, and Saturday and Sunday. I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take my feelings and emotions and the pain. It feels like my heart has been ripped out and stepped on by a bunch of elephants. You were like the ocean and I was drowning. I don’t know what I am doing. I don’t know how I’m functioning. I am a functioning depressed person. I hope you regret it. I hope you regret leaving me. I hope you realize you made a wrong choice and that you come back to me. I hope that you think about me everyday.. and what we could have been. You texted me today.. 2/9/17.. you asked about your red jacket. I know you knew I didn't have it, or so I thought? Was it just an excuse to text me, to see me? What was it? Because i cant keep having you text me randomly when you miss me or when you feel like. Its fucked up on your end knowing how much I care for you.