#There is also a Theme with the dragons being cursed to no longer turn into dragons gosh wow hm wonder where inspo from that could be from

[falconscales]

Honestly I don't think I go crazy enough on this blog.

[plutoccult]

NO ME QUEDA MAS

pairing: hajime iwaizumi x female reader

description: iwaizumi’s wedding day was a day you dreaded for many years. now that the day had finally come, you regret never telling him how you feel.

word count: 1.6k

also available to read on my ao3 here

author’s note: finally, a new theme! i’m on an angst GRIND, you guys. been feeling really unhinged lately thanks to my girl @intorder for giving me fuel for angst, who also beta read this hurt piece. oddly enough, my life has been pretty good lately, so idk why i thought to write this. i’ve never written for iwaizumi before, but he came to mind first when i thought of this idea. this was definitely inspired by that one scene in 13 going on 30, but i made it hurt even more. i hope i did iwaizumi justice, and i hope you all enjoy without crying?

tags: @toorubobatea @intorder @dragon-slayer5 @jeanboyjean @femme-lune @darthferbert @kob3nie @thelazyhuevito @multi-fandom-fanfic @sterieshinso @kiiyomei @chrybdcsm @alienlatteinspace @abonbonblr @luverofutoshi @p3ritwinkle @juuzou13

taglist form here

“well? how do i look?”

iwaizumi turned around to face you as he showed off his suit. you couldn’t believe he was actually getting married today, and that the person he was marrying wasn’t you. it was hellish to shove your feelings down your throat for decades, especially when your friendship suffered god knows how many miles apart.

a part of you died the day he returned from california. you were so thrilled to see him, missing him so, but your heart shattered the second you saw he brought a girl with him. it was even worse when iwaizumi spoke to you about her, saying he felt like he knew she was the girl he would marry the second he saw her. you wanted to be that girl, and maybe you could’ve if you simply spoke up. after all, everyone always teased you two about ending up together growing up.

“you look great, iwa.” you force a smile. it wasn’t a lie, he was the most handsome man you’d ever seen, standing so proud and tall in his suit. not a single scratch or crease on his shoes nor any signs of wear in his jacket. as much as it pained you to see it, iwaizumi had grown up.

“you think so?” he asked, checking himself out in the mirror, scanning for any flaws in his outfit. “i could’ve sworn i saw lint on the back of my jacket.”

“oh, i can get it.” you offer. iwaizumi immediately said “yes, please” and “thank you” before you stood up to help him. his back faced you, shoulders as strong as ever, making this all the more difficult for you. if you were his bride, you probably wouldn’t be seeing him like this right now. it was bad luck to see the bride before the wedding, after all.

“how come your groomsmen aren’t up here helping you?” you ask, cursing yourself in your head for being so nosy.

“i’m sure you can understand i didn’t want oikawa up my ass before i go down there.” iwaizumi chuckled. you force yourself to copy his laughter, pretending as if you found this so hilarious. if oikawa were here, you wouldn’t be ridden with temptation right now. only he could stop you from saying things you knew you’d regret.

“i guess i should feel special then, huh?” you question. “be the first to see you like this…”

“mhm.” he replied, you see him nod in the mirror. “special privileges for my best friend.”

you felt your stomach tie up in knots as he said that. best friend. that’s all you were, that’s all you ever allowed yourself to be. it could’ve been you waiting for him at the altar, but instead you’re helping him get prepared to marry another woman, ready to beg him to run away with you.

you pretend to inspect the back of his jacket, knowing there wasn’t any lint anyway. it was absolutely flawless, just like him. this was torture for you, and you couldn’t stand another second longer.

“listen, iwa…” you begin to say. “i should tell you something before you go down there.”

“oh?” iwaizumi turned around to face you. you felt as if his eyes were piercing through your soul, making your heart race faster than it was before. “what is it?”

“i, um…” you hesitate. was it too late to go back? yes, yes it was. “i think you’re marrying the wrong girl today.”

“huh?” he furrowed his eyebrows.

“i mean, i think you should be marrying me instead.” you blurt out.

“y/n, what are you talking about?” iwaizumi questioned. this couldn’t be real, this couldn’t be happening right as he was about to get married.

“i’m in love with you, iwa. i love you.” you admit, your heart racing upon your confession. you should feel a weight being lifted off your shoulders, but something heavy still lingered on top of you.

“no…” he shook his head. iwaizumi had rejected the possibility a long time ago. even if he loved you just as long as you loved him, you were just too late.

“yes. i am.” you say.

“you’re saying this now?” he asked you. it almost made him want to laugh. life was just so funny, he thought to himself. why couldn’t you have said this before? why did you wait until he was about to get married? if things were different, iwaizumi would be reacting to this much differently right now.

“i know i should’ve told you before you went to california—“

“should’ve? i wanted you to!” iwaizumi interrupted you, much to your shock. “everyone said you were going to before i left! i just figured they were just messing with me afterwards…”

you remember telling oikawa how you felt about iwaizumi, it was his idea to tell him before iwaizumi left for california. you had it all planned out in your head, but as you stood there at the airport, you couldn’t find the words anymore. you chickened out, cursing yourself on the way home and the days that would come. it only made you feel worse when iwaizumi found someone.

what you didn’t know was that he expected your confession that day. you should’ve known oikawa would run his mouth. he always meant well, always hoping you’d end up with iwaizumi, but look at you now, a delusional fool.

“i was going to, iwa. i just got scared…” you confess to him. “if i could go back to that day, i’d do it differently.”

“well, you can’t turn back time, y/n. it’s too late.” he said coldly, almost like a stab to the heart.

“why not?” you ask, desperately clinging onto your delusions.

“i moved on.” iwaizumi replied. he might as well be twisting a knife, even if he was merely speaking the truth. “we've both gone down different paths, we both made choices, and this is what i’m choosing.”

“i just thought…” you began to say, but fall silent.

“just thought what?” he asked, raising his voice. “that i’d give up everything i’ve built for a last minute confession? one that i gave up on waiting for years ago?”

you don’t say anything. what was there to say? it was exactly what that sick part of you deep down expected. how stupid of you to think he would drop everything just because you finally had the courage to confess your feelings. if there wasn’t a whole wedding waiting to happen, maybe iwaizumi would change his mind.

you look away in shame. even if you didn’t speak your thoughts aloud, you still felt disgusted now that the reality of your confession hit you. you were terrible to think this way. not just a terrible person, but a terrible friend too. it was unfair to expect such a tall order out of him, especially now.

“my family’s down there, my soon-to-be in-law’s are down there.” iwaizumi said. “we care about each other, you know?”

“i know.” you say quietly as you bite your lip.

“y/n, you…” he let out a sigh. “you don't always get the dream house… but you get awfully close.”

you look up to meet his eyes, tears streaming down your face. to him, you were always the dream house. if only you had known that before, you thought. iwaizumi felt ridden with guilt rejecting you like this, and it didn’t help that you were crying your eyes out.

“please don't cry, y/n.” he begged you.

“what? no, i'll be fine, i promise.” you force out a laugh, no matter how much it killed you. you saw the look in iwaizumi’s eyes. he knew you weren’t truly okay, but he also knew that you were letting him go. it was the right thing to do.

“y/n…”

“it’s okay. i'm fine.” you wipe away your tears, trying your best to be strong. “i'm just crying because i'm happy. i want you to be so, so happy.”

you did, you wanted him to be happy. even if it wasn’t with you, you owed him the ability to be happy. it was the least you could do while you still had some of your dignity left.

“i love you, iwa.” you barely get the words out. “you… you're my best friend.”

you see iwaizumi’s eyes well up with tears, a rare sight to see. only you could produce such a reaction out of him. only you would truly have his heart forever, but life doesn’t always work out the way you want it to. it was just the way things go.

“i should go. everybody’s waiting for you.” you say, on your way out the door.

“y/n, i...” you stop in your tracks, waiting for what he’d say next, and it only crushed you even more. “i've always loved you.”

overwhelmed, you walk out of the room in tears, ready to bolt out of the venue without another thought. oikawa found you on your way out, asking what was wrong and where you were going, but when he saw mascara running down your face, he knew exactly what happened, and he knew he should’ve been there to stop it.

you insist to oikawa that he tell iwaizumi you were sorry before you finally left the venue. you couldn’t stand to be there a second longer, you just had to get out of here. as you head to your car, you hear the beginning of the wedding march play. the sound brought you to your knees as you violently sobbed. if this was rock bottom, then you finally reached it.

as much as you wanted to cry there forever, you force yourself to get up, finally finding the strength to get into your car. you didn’t know where you were headed, but you knew you had to drive off somewhere far away from here. if only you could just turn back time.

© plutoccult / 310802. please do not copy, repost, modify, or translate any of my content in or outside of tumblr. reblogs are appreciated <3

[pinkeoni]

Why The Dragon Could Represent Will's Self Harm

TW: Discussion of self harm

This is an idea I've had swimming around in my head for awhile but I didn't start seeing the evidence for it until recently.

Why the dragon is connected to Will

This point is pretty easy to explain— the dragon in Will's painting was painted by Will.

I mean, it's a pretty simple reasoning but it's solid. Even without getting into the nitty gritty of the creation theory, you can point to the fact that since Will painted the dragon, he essentially created it. Will conjured the dragon in his painting, so he will likely conjure the dragon in some form during the climax.

It's always possible that Vecna could conjure the dragon, but dragons aren't really his MO. Vecna's into spiders, not dragons. It makes much more sense fantasy and Dungeons & Dragons to be the one to conjure the dragon. Thank you to @bylrndgm for pointing out that Will has some winged creatures (possible dragons) on his bedroom wall in Hawkinsand while looking for screenshots I found this dragon toy behind Will (in a scene where he’s being self deprecating no less)

This could also be another Vecna/Will parallel. In season 4 we see little Henry draw his spider monster before turning it into a reality in the Upside Down. Will painted the dragon, so he'll create a real dragon. Similarly, if the spider monster (Mind Flayer) that Henry created is meant to also himself, then could the dragon that Will creates also be himself as well?

How the dragon could represent his self harm

This part is going to take a little more explaining than the last part. I'll start with explaining Will's self harm.

Will doesn't really self harm in a traditional sense, rather we see him emotionally harm himself. While there are a few moments where we see Will stick up for himself, (the rain fight, Rink-O-Mania) there seems to be a line where Will no longer asserts his feelings outward but rather directs them inward and ends up hurting himself in the process. The rain fight results in the destruction of Castle Byers, and when Lucas tries to apologize to Will later, Will claims that it doesn't matter anymore. Something similar happened at Rink-O-Mania, where initially Will is able to defend himself but then later claims that he actually "deserved it."

And then, of course, we see Will harm himself emotionally when he gives Mike the painting under the guise of it being from El. Here we see a recurring aspect of Will's self harm, his self sacrificial nature.

In episode 1x01, Will sacrifices Will the Wise in the D&D game for the sake of the rest of the party. In episode 2x08, Will tries to sacrifice himself again when he instructs everyone to "CLOSEGATE" despite the fact that this would kill him. These two instances combined with the painting show how little regard Will has for his own self preservation, so long as others are saved.

What's interesting about all three of these instances of sacrifice is that they involve fire, burning, or even the dragon itself. The most obvious one being Will's dragon painting, which he uses to try and fix Mike and El's relationship and therefore hurts his own feelings.

When Will sacrifices himself in 1x01, he does so while casting fireball.

In order to get the mind flayer properly out of Will in order to properly close the gate, they do so by burning it out of him (and Will even receives a physical burn from Nancy in this scene).

Why this would manifest as the dragon

ST tends to use its supernatural and horror elements to explore themes of mental illness. The most recent and obvious example being the Vecna's Curse plot from last season, which was used to explore trauma and suicidal ideation. The NINA plot was a look at trauma and repressed memories through a sci-fi lens. In the case of Will, his true sight episodes were a supernatural spin on PTSD flashbacks. The show rarely ever has monsters just for the sake of monsters. Even the giant flesh monster from s3 was likely used as a metaphor for forced conformity and patriotism.

So then, when a big dragon gets manifested in the show, likely by Will, I don't think it would be just a big dragon for the sake of having a big dragon; I think that the dragon would likely be used to represent some kind of aspect regarding mental health. And based on what I've mentioned above, the aspect in question would likely be Will's self destruction.

How would a dragon be used to show self harm?

Something important about Will's dragon is that it has multiple heads.

It's been theorized as to exactly how many heads the dragon would have. Would it have seven heads like the dragon in revelations? Five heads like the Tiamat from D&D? Or just three heads like Will's painting? (Likely the last option) No matter how many heads, the dragon in each example has multiple heads, enough heads to be able to cause harm to another one.

Considering that the Duffers often pay homage to other sources, I was wondering if there was any examples in other media or mythology to a self destructive dragon— and then I remembered the Ouroboros

The Ouroboros is an ancient multicultural symbol that has taken on a few different interpretations depending on the culture it comes from, but is always represented as "a serpent or dragon eating its own tail."

The ouroboros usually represents the cycle of death and rebirth, but is also commonly seen as a symbol of self destruction.

Will doesn't realize that his self harm hurts others

Something that I don't think Will is quite aware of is that whenever he self harms or self sacrifices, he believes he is only harming himself but doesn't realize that he's harming others. When he sacrifices himself in D&D and subsequently goes missing, he doesn't see the pain and distraught that it brings to everyone. When Will gives his dragon painting to Mike under the guise of it being from El, he doesn't realize that he's actually hurting both of them through his attempt to save their relationship.

What this could mean for the dragon is that it could be harming itself, like in the case of the ouroboros, but it could also be causing damage to everything around it in the process. Imagine, for example, the dragon breathing fire on one of its other heads, but it ends up setting fire to part of the town. A dragon literally at war with itself whose self destruction spills outward, just like Will.

In the terms of how this works thematically, this is how the dragon could be used to show Will's journey toward selfishness. Contrasting his many instances of self sacrifices, Will learns that the real answer to saving others involve saving himself, and that's how they defeat the dragon.

Prediction for how this could happen in the show

Here's a rough timeline for how this could play out in the show:

We see Will's self destructing nature build up throughout the season

The dragon ends up manifesting at the climax, likely in episode 7

The dragon manifests at a point where Will is at his lowest, possibly considering sacrificing himself for the benefit of others. He doesn't realize that this would do more harm than good

The dragon tries to destroy itself but does damage to everything around it in the process

Will realizes that he was the one who created the dragon and has to contend with why it was created

Part of defeating it means Will has to have a personal realization

This point is a little less fleshed out but the party defeats the dragon together as part of the final battle before the final confrontation with Vecna

tagging: @howtobecomeadragon @smalltown-babygirl

[saline-coelacanth]

Not sure how much I'm gonna post about this au, but I've been really wanting some Oppo content, so bam, Beauty and the Beasts you Oppo.

Here's the design I made for Zane since he takes the role of the Beast:

I mainly wanted to give him mainly dragon and bird features while still being ice themed. Oh, and he's also based on the Ice Emperor because that was the main reason I wanted to make Zane the Beast was because of the whole Ice Emperor thing.

Btw, I have already figured quiet a bit of stuff out (my brain decided to hyperfixate HARD on this concept) and this isn't a one for one retelling of Beauty and the Beast, if anything it's more of a rewrite of s11 (specifically the ice chapter) that follows the basic plot of Beauty and the Beast. Hopefully that makes sense, but if not I will be happy to info dump about my idea.

Anyway, here's some actual Oppo for the au

Also for people who don't know, I tend to draw Zane as the same height as Kai. I know a lot of people normally make him tall, but I am in the minority there. So yeah, Beast form Zane is MUCH bigger than he usually is. But enough notes, I wanna give a basic rundown of the plot. I'll put that under the cut just because it'll probably get a little long.

So basically, the fire chapter happens like normal, Zane gets sent to the Never Realm, Vex gives him amnesia and manipulates him into becoming the Ice Emperor. But things take a turn when the scroll ends up corrupting Zane in a much more drastic way, turning him into a literal monster. And the staff itself becomes frozen in place, no longer able to be held by Zane (though he still 'channels' power from it) When the staff corrupts Zane, it also leaves a message that says something along the lines of "A strong flame from the heart is needed to melt the curse" and Zane just assumes he needs literal fire.

Meanwhile, the ninja travel to the Never Realm looking for Zane, having no idea what happened to him. Eventually, Kai ends up as a prisoner at the Ice Emperor's castle where the Emperor thinks Kai is the key to breaking the curse due to him claiming to be the fire ninja. Problem is that Kai's powers still aren't back. At the same time, Kai is still focused on finding Zane and he isn't actually able to recognize that the Ice Emperor IS Zane. And obviously the Ice Emperor doesn't know that he's Zane because of the whole amnesia thing.

And yeah, then it plays out pretty similar to the movie where they start off not liking each other, but then Zane softens up and they begin to fall in love. And if anyone is wondering who the villain is, it's still Vex. He doesn't play the same role as Gaston, instead his main goal is trying to get rid of Kai since he doesn't really want the curse to be broken since Zane is easier to manipulate when he's all depressed about his monster form.

And yeah, that's my idea for a Beauty and the Beast Oppo Au. I might make more of this au since it has been a lot of fun to think about and it also gives me an excuse to draw more oppositeshipping <3

[ancientphantom]

Do you think the original Phantom of the Opera book has any sort of fairytale-like elements to it? If so, could you list some?

This ask is seven billion years old, but yes!

For one thing, the Phantom story is essentially a more specific version of the old Beauty and the Beast fairy tale - in both, a father "gives" his daughter to a terrifying monster who appears to be dangerous but turns out to love her, and she must find a way to love that monster in turn in order to keep herself safe and search for a happy ending. The Phantom story adds embellished elements, such as the heavy focus on music and the Phantom being a disfigured human instead of a cursed one, but the story is essentially the same, which means it carries over a lot of beats from the original fairy tale.

If you didn't know I'm a sucker for Aarne-Thompson-Uther, you do now, so let's go down a quick list of some of the fairy tale elements we see!

The Child Who Won't Leave Home: Lots of fairy/folktales have this element, where a child needs to leave home and make their way in the world or they will never truly grow up (which usually, in these stories, means they won't be able to be happy and/or they'll be a burden on their aging parents/community). Christine fits this trope, remaining somewhat locked in eternal childhood, focused on her memories of her father and his tales of the Angel of Music, until she is finally forced to see reality and make choices about her adult life.

The Girl as the Monster's Wife: This is a common fairy tale/folklore stock element: a beautiful young girl is given to a monster to become its bride. You see echoes of it in dragon/monster sacrifice tales, too, but the story usually uses its fairy tale themes to address real-life anxieties about women in earlier centuries having little to no control over who they married or how they were treated when they did. (And parents' fear over that for their daughters!)

The Animal Bridegroom: A subset of the Monster's Wife above, there are an absolute load of stories about young women being forced, either through trickery, blackmail, or magic, into marrying actual animals. Often, these animals can later be turned into humans through the power of her love and/or loyalty and devotion, but sometimes the moral is more about making the best of a weird situation. Obviously, the Phantom story inherits this from its Beauty and the Beast roots, even though the Phantom is no longer a literal animal.

The Dangerous Husband: The most common version of this is probably the tale of Bluebeard, but it appears in many stories and cultures (from the same anxieties as above!). In these stories, the husband is hiding a dark secret, and his innocent wife must realize he's evil and get out before it's too late or join others he has previously preyed on; in the Phantom story, Christine must realize that her "angel of music" is actually the murderous Phantom, and is in a constant state of discovering things like torture chambers and death threats until she and Raoul finally resolve the situation and escape.

Disenchantment by Kiss: In many fairy tales, the curse/transformation/evil is broken or defeated by a pure kiss from a loved one; in the Phantom story, it is Christine's kiss on his forehead (or mouth in later derivative versions) that causes him to realize that he has been behaving like a monster and end his reign of terror.

In addition to all this, there's also of course the mythology angle, which I mention a lot in reviews! Greek mythology is especially good with this - the Phantom story has heavy overtones of both the myth of Hades and Persephone, in which the god of the dead rises up from the underground to kidnap the beautiful young goddess of spring and everyone goes absolutely bonkers trying to get her back, and the myth of Eros and Psyche, in which the beautiful Psyche is forbidden from seeing her lover, who always comes to her in darkness with his face hidden, and when she breaks her promise and brings in a light to see him destroys the relationship and suffers as a result. The first has obvious parallels to Erik's kidnapping of Christine, while the second is a pretty clear comparison to the unmasking scene.

[jewishdragon]

For Yonah and/or Sophia:

1, 3, 13, and 19!

you got it!

Was your OC influenced or inspired by any particular fictional character(s) when you made them?

Ok so both Yonah and Sophia are explicitly based on characters from The Enchanted Forest Chronicles

Princess Sophia started off as basically a clone of Princess Cimorene except instead of tall and pale skinned she's short and dark skinned. The only difference was Sophia liked being a princess (though i made it better to be one), she was just not good at it, acted out, etc (turned out i gave her The Autism and ADHD without realizing it). sophia's personality has developed a lot since her inception and she's no longer a cimorene clone but that is how she started.

She's also based on the prince from EFC book 1 who was cursed to be a half-stone statue. basically he was made of stone but could still move. Sophia has a similar curse but it turns her into glass (they have figured out a way to temporarily disable this for about 4hrs at a time)

and instead of being kidnapped by a dragon she's kidnapped by a giant wizard.

which brings us to Yonah! the giant wizard! He is not an as much of a clone of an enchanted forest chronicles character as sophia was... but he's REALLY similar to Brandel the fire witch who lives in a tower in a swamp. wants to be left alone (very shrek vibes )

as Yonah is a half-giant half-fire witch who lives in a tower in a magical forest. also got some shrek vibes. remember one of the firsts scene in shrek? where he tells a group of soldiers that he's not a giant so he doesnt grind bones into bread, but had a bunch of other specific threats involved turning body parts into food? yonah also wouldnt do that but only bc that's too much work but uhhh he aint above biting of limbs >.> he is an EVIL giant after all! Hire him to pillage a town or something :D

3. What genre would your OC do badly in but it would be hilarious or interesting to watch?

My OCs being designed to be genre savvy would probably be hilarious in most genres since ideally they'd be adapted to be savvy for them! But let's say they arent savvy in other genres. Their source genre is farcical fairytale/fantasy so they'd not be great at horror or romance XD they'd be ok in SciFi. 13. What Pokémon would be on your OC’s team and/or what would be their preferred type?

I HAVE SOMETHING BETTER THAN LISTS I HAVE ART OF THIS

Yonah and sophia as gym leaders/elite four/frontier brains. art by @fedoraqueen

Sophia's team is Forest Themed: the largest lycanroc (her starter), Trevenant, Shamin (does not battle), Shroomish, Usaring, Stantler

Yonah's team is Mage/magic themed (sort of): Mismagius, Bewear, Aloan Marowak (shiny), Alakazam, and Snivvy (his starter, who he named Sophia, does not fight)

his Bewear is NOT short, yonah is FUCKING TALL.

19. If your OC was in Star Trek’s Starfleet, what would be their role/position? Or, if that doesn’t really fit your OC: why would they get kicked out of Starfleet? Yonah is Science and Sophia would basically be asexual!beckett mariner from lower decks (parents are an admiral/captain and while she willingly joined starfleet she was forced to go into command and there are high expectations and she CANNOT get kicked out even if she acts reckless and disobeys orders)

Also in most AUs/alt versions of these characters taht arent in a fairytale world, Yonah was Sophia's babysitter rather than her evil captor. (they still are obviously best friends tho, yonah would have been like 12 when he started babysitting a 5 year old sophia, so once Sophia is an adult they are besties)

[kagrenacs]

Nobody asked, I think I made this post before and this is about 5% thought out, but here's how I'd alter Totk's story+some more of my criticisms

Essentially I'd lean into the concept of cycles way more. It's absolutely insane to me that they didn't do this. I'll reiterate from my last post but:

They mentioned the Kingdom from 10 000 years ago in BOTW, saying previously a princess and a knight sealed Calamity Ganon with the aid of the divine beasts. The Ourobouos is the logo and the general concept of cycles is really common in LoZ. Skyward Sword remastered just came out, and marks the beginning of the series with a curse, it would parallel well with TotK.

Here's how I'd change things.

Zelda time travels with the Master Sword to the previously mentioned kingdom due to the sacred stone alone, not her own powers as she says at the end of botw she no longer can access them. Her presence alters time, and Ganondorf isn't properly sealed this time. The Divine Beasts, Guardians and Sheikah Shrines are infected with Gloom, altering their appearance inside and establishing Ganondorf as a powerful sorcerer and threat. Ideally Zelda in the past is playable, and can alter different objects for Link to find in the future, similar to one of the mechanics Skyward Sword had. I'd change some of the memories to be a bit more ambiguous in when they happen so you can do them in any order, the ones that do require order to be in difficult to reach areas of the map. When collecting memories I'd show something like an echo of Zelda quickly running away before Link can catch her. I'd also kinda keep it ambiguous whether Ganondorf or Hyrule is the aggressor in the war of the past, and show a memory of the formation of the Yiga Clan. But I just hate monarchies. One thing I did like and would keep is Zelda's transformation into the Light Dragon after finding all the memories, but I would leave it either ambiguous whether or not she ever returns to herself, or have her be eternally locked in that state. Nintendo said they were going to make the game darker than Botw and they lied.

Idk how I'd do the temples tbh, I really liked what they were in TotK, I like that archaeology theme. But you need to tie in the Divine Beasts if you're having them somehow. Totk has little quests that lead you into the temples, maybe the Divine Beasts shatter under the pressure of the Gloom, turning into Sky Islands or burrowing under ground, either way they unlock the key to the temples.

Going back to the cycles, ideally I would want that theme to mean something instead of just being a thing in the game. Botw felt like life persisting after collapse, that's what really made it impactful. I think I'd want to say something about acknowledging some things are just meant to be cyclical, and all you can do is find peace with that.

[skullchicken]

heyyy you can help me out if you like because I have choice paralysis about which project to work on while I take a break from my other projects ;_;

More Info/Synopsis under the cut!

(Sorted from how long they've been rotated from most to least so far)

Action/fantasy webtoon about a cursed school where students turn into monsters:

The class clown turns into an actual monster-clown, the sporty girls become cheerleader-zombies, the annoying little elementary school brats turn into screaming dolls and the teachers turn into boss monsters.

The only three people seemingly unaffected are Miyako (metalhead, bff of Cally), Cally (goody two-shoes, Miyako's bff) and Achintya (nerd, unrelated). With the former two, the reasons seems because they're not quite human themselves. But what's up with that shady little nerd? And he seems to know more than he lets on...

Whatever the case may be, they must lift the curse before things escalate.

Okay, so, imagine a Shounen Manga, except the demographic is all genders and women are people. Miyako, since she's secretly a demon, takes after a typical shounen battle protagonist, while Cally is a fairy and falls more into the magical girl mold. As for Achintya... he's complicated.

Shadowrun-action-romance-novel about fixing malicious DRM on cyberware, m/f

Working title: You owe me

A story about maliciously designed cyberware, trust-issues, debt, being in your twenties, guilt and a wrestler-elf and hacker-dwarf being dumbass idiots who pine for one another and secretly think the other person is the best thing since sliced bread. Slow-ish burn.

The good news is, I have like a hundred pages already written. The bad news is, I would have to rewrite a lot of it because my writing process has changed a lot. But let me say no more, take a gander at our romantic leads, ladies, gentlemen and those that lieth betwinxt:

64.media.tumblr.com

64.media.tumblr.com

He is wearing a gorilla mask for plot-reasons.

Webtoon fantasy/romance remake of a story where a girl marries the carrot king

There is an german fairytale written by the guy who also wrote the nutcracker which is bonkers and hilarious and I'd looove to adapt it into webtoon format. I wrote about it here: click meee

I would update the story so it takes place in modern times and deals with the issue of aesthetics versus being... (think e.g. cottagecore versus actual farming) in short "it is fine and dandy to dream, in fact it's very important... but if you're too keen to only believe what you want to be true, you're gonna get duped."

But most importantly it would give me ample reason to draw a carrot with a handsome anime-face.

Shadowrun-mystery-novel about the worship of dragons (Blackout Sequel)

I wrote a shadowrun short story about loneliness, vulnerability, yakuza and mysterious lemon cake. I have ideas for a sequel - granted they are quite nebulous as of now, but I'm confident I'm reaching the point where I can start fleshing them out. This time around the story would be longer and more involved. The theme would be the worship of dragons, not just in the literal sense, but also in how people relate to power.

We would also see how the relationship between Hanne and Amanda progresses. I personally wish friendships would receive as much attention and nuance as romantic relationships and here I would attempt such a thing.

Webtoon-action-romance about the housing market and identity, f/f

Anansi and Muu meet, one day, via the matrix, when they stumble upon each other trying to get entry into the same matrix club. The reason they're here are quite different. Muu, a corporate princess, just hit her thirtieth birthday, only received presents she didn't like and has a minor crisis about it. Anansi, who is a technomancer, is always on the run and here to meet a Mr Johnson.

While Muu's journey is, at first, internal, as she starts to try out different avatars to figure out who she even is, Anansi holds on for dear life as a squatter and, gets screwed over with the payment and sets out to find that damn Johnson to make him pay one way or another.

Their paths in life are quite different, yet they keep running into each other and, despite everything, find themselves drawn to each other.

And then it turns out their worlds are not as far apart as suspected.

I would be quite excited about this one because I've never written a f/f romance before, despite being very, very bi (granted I've also never finished writing a m/f romance, but still). Mostly I just really like the characters and I think the story would be solid and not too convoluted... as mine tend to get sometimes :,)

... but I'm equally excited to do all of these! What do you say?

[seafleece]

Is there a post explaining wtf is going on in your curse of strahd campaign? b/c it sounds very interesting and i want to know more.

nothing really comprehensive yet for the sake of spoilers but we are almost done so i can elaborate!!

basically. and without some important details that are still unknown to the party. i scrapped most of the major plot points and themes on account of they suck and started with this: centuries ago, my strahd was a researcher who came to what would eventually become his barovia in search of a cure for vampirism, a place that had long been abjured and sealed with powerful druidic rites by the indigenous people there (and is also fantasy mongolia, not fantasy romania). he was overtaken by the source, a strange underground city that calls itself barov, which feeds on and twists obsession. ever since, he's been its plaything-- it built barovia around him by pulling from his worst memories and fears-- which just so happen to include a misty romanian forest where the sun never shines-- and separated it from the material plane. when it wanted more power, it started luring more people to itself and set them in this kind of looping dance, keeping those who had fallen prey to obsession alive for centuries or reincarnating them in slightly different iterations and making them sort of play out lifetimes' worth of chasing the things they were fixated on so it could feed from them. during brief moments of lucidity, strahd started studying the curse he now had in earnest and figuring out a plan to use himself as a conduit and sort of infinite source of suffering and seal barov within himself, freeing the rest of barovia, but doing this meant. becoming that conduit, letting barov force him to kill everyone who would otherwise have stopped him and been exposed to barov directly. before the current party arrived, there was a party who seemed poised to finally break the cycle, stronger and more cunning than the rest, able to use the druidic magic that once kept barov sealed away. however, they ran out of time to plan their attack when one of their party started succumbing to vampirism, and were forced to go unprepared. they lost horribly, dashing most people's hopes of ever being free and handing over what used to be the keys to defeating barov-- the sunsword and radiant and druidic magic-- as well as their own bodies directly to barov, who forced strahd to turn the entire party into thralls. had the current party gone the route of every before it, strahd would have killed them easily and likely finally ascended to the state of a perfect conduit and managed to essentially absorb the entirety of barovia. however, one of the party members, kiki, started to seem to barov as perhaps an even more perfect host, more innately powerful than strahd as a sorcerer made from incredibly volatile magic, tied to the far realm as barov itself is, and infinitely more naive. at a pivotal moment, barov--which, to kiki, usually manifests as his father-- managed to convince him to leave the party and give himself over. no longer needing strahd, barov (somewhat) set him free and is in the process of mining kiki for power, shaping him into a host, and altering barovia alongside it. the remainder of the party is sort of going through the motions nonetheless, and are currently being tested by vost, a silver dragon and one of strahd's oldest friends killed by him almost immediately after strahd's ascent to power, in order to receive an important artifact called the sunstone that is linked somehow to the moonstone they already have and related to both barovia's history and the old rites that sealed it. meanwhile, strahd is half under house arrest in vallaki and half part of a think tank composed of him, ez d'avenir, and lady fiona wachter trying to figure out. how to proceed.

the party has also had their own set of. discoveries about their own ties to barovia and their lives before it-- yew (monk/druid) learned he's the adopted heir to the abdicated unseelie throne; elegy (aasimar paladin) learned their angelic guide gardenia sacrificed their own power and ability to ever return to the heavens to save them from losing their soul and autonomy as punishment for betraying a divine order and have since been undergoing a sort of post-angelic transformation alongside gardenia after devouring the abbott of krezk; cedar (cleric) learned he had secretly been created in and raised in barovia's past by one of barovia's gods, the moonmother, and contains a fragment of an old god given during the original rites to seal barovia; rook (paladin) learned their goddess allowed their sister to die to gain them as a champion and, as her domain is easily corrupted by obsession, sent her now-dying exarch to barovia in her stead to take her place as rook's god and power source, lel (vistani dhampir ranger/rogue) learned that the nonlinear timeline of the vistani, a nomadic interplanar civilization, hinges on his survival and ability to escape barovia himself despite having always been afflicted with vampirism, as he closes the loop on the origin of their unique ability to leave and enter barovia as long as they are accompanied by someone who has left barovia before; gravy (bugbear artificer) found her daughter after twenty years apart and learned that, after being taken by barovia's mists, she had been lovingly raised in vallaki by the late gadof blinsky and has grown into a beautiful and talented bear intent on finding and fixing an ancient creation meant to hunt vampires. fringe (late fairy cleric) was killed by the hag morgantha's daughters in their desperation to complete a ritual they hoped would send them back home to the feywild, and in his last moments learned that hags (my beloved) are the nearly-inevitable result of a fey losing their anchor, a magical source or ideal they have tied their soul to. instead of the sworn enemies of his goddess, queen of the seelie fey titania, hags mostly belong to her sister's unseelie court and lost their anchor through no fault of their own when she died after giving up her throne in the feywild to raise the child she had found in the woods, who just so happens to be yew, and that unseelie fey are simply. any fey that titania has banished or that chose to leave, which, had he survived, would have included him. after kiki (sorcerer/barbarian) left, vost sent one of his revenants, monsoon (barbarian), who was killed by strahd alongside him, to accompany the party and, now that strahd is no longer their target, ensure that kiki is dealt with and, if necessary, killed. currently they're also hanging out with raisa (werewolf druid/fighter), who is the younger cousin of danya stoyanovich, leader of one of barovia's two werewolf dens-- both are afflicted by a deadly curse that has sent generations of their family to an early, rotting grave, and who were promised a cure in the gifting of the moonstone by lel but which. was denied to them when the party gave it to arka toranescu instead to save aurelia, her daughter and the party's friend.

when we left off, the party had just met vost, whose job as the holder of the sunstone is to test their abilities and resolve to the task of dethroning barovia. to throw off his faithful employee monsoon, however, vost took the extra precaution of binding his own skeleton into a puppet form to attack the party alongside the hollow spirit he usually manifests as. if the party gets the sunstone, they will then get to decide who to use its innate powers to save this time (lel, wisely, promised it to danya Again without consulting the party <3) and then, after reconvening in vallaki, are off to pay a visit to their good friend kiki!! tl;dr i scooped all of the original CoS module out with a melon baller and replaced it with a story about undeath as a disease of the soul that feeds on what captivated you in life, a fey throne with no ruler and an entire kingdom reeling from its loss, family and the powers that capitalize on the bonds it creates, selfish gods who treat their champions like pawns and their angels as only slightly more valuable, hubris and desperation and trifling with things you do not comprehend and have no place interfering in, and the unspeakable and unfathomable horror that exists in the spaces between reality. also there are a lot more milfs.

[fandomfaeofveryfewf4cks]

Long post. Fic under the dotted line. Or: ao3: What we are left with

Before the actual fic, here is a long post about why I wrote this fic. Disclaimer: heavy themes of grief.

I know this is a few days late, but I wanted to write something for the 15th Anniversary of the Merlin pilot episode, and it ended up needing a lot more time to get done than I thought.

I shouldn't be surprised though. Aside from most of my writings ending up longer than intended, Merlin is a show that's always meant a lot to me.

It was my introduction to the fandom world, for starters. Merthur was my first OTP and continues to be a favorite of mine. Katie McGrath was my first celebrity crush. There are Merlin fanfics and fanart that have touched my heart in a way not a lot of things have. (See my username). Fandom communities, in turn, helped me feel less alone, especially in a time where loneliness was weighing very heavily on me.

Merlin is also just magic, and capes, and swordfighting, and pretty dresses. Horseriding, dragons, unicorns, curses, poisons, plots, schemes, saving the day, and shenanigans.

Merlin is heartbreak, love, betrayal, violence, peace, oppression, secrets, friendship, hope, and bonds that can not be broken by death and tragedy. Bonds that will not fade in a thousand years.

My brother introduced me to Merlin when I was very young and I fell in love with it instantly. Partially because it meant more time spent with said brother. Episode three scared the shit out of me though, for some reason, and it would be a couple years before I started watching it again. Coincidentally, I started watching it again sometime around when my brother died. So, you can see how that adds a whole other layer of importance to this show for me, not to get too personal.

But, again, I shouldn't be surprised because everything about this show does ultimately feel personal to me. It's why I haven't done much writing or anything with it. I know I just won't really be able to stop. (Hence, how long this post is.)

Nonetheless, I wanted to write something for it. I debated doing a more merthur-based thing, but I ended up doing something mainly centered around Gwen's perspective in the first couple months after Arthur died. The first part is mainly about her. The second part... well, I can't let myself even think about all the grief this show's characters go through without getting dragged into Merlin's grief specifically. I'm not entirely sure why, though I have my theories.

Either way, the second half is more about a healing Gwen trying to help Merlin start healing as well. This is not a happy fic. This is not meant to be an angsty fic. It's really not meant to be anything other than self-indulgent for me. I'm probably subconsciously trying to help myself work through some of my own shit and, you know.. I'm tempted to maybe think that that's okay. I don't talk about grief enough, really.

Sometimes, I've felt like I was faking my grief and didn't deserve to be included in the group of people with "real" grief because I obviously wouldn't know what I was talking about.

I've felt like a ticking time bomb holding in all of my emotions, terrified of the day they explode and possibly hurt whoever is nearby.

I've cried and done everything I could to hide it, screamed with nobody around to hear it, and lied about being fine to people I Never want to lie to.

Merlin tried not to cry around people. Merlin screamed when no one was around to hear it. Merlin lied about being fine to people he Never wanted to lie to.

So did many other characters in Merlin.

I find so many of the characters in Merlin to be beyond relatable. I can scarcely find it funny.

I can't fully explain everything this show has done for me. I can explain that:

It starts with a young warlock making a journey to a place where no one knows him, and he quickly learns it's safer if no one ever knows him fully.

He makes friends anyway, including one who will fundamentally change everything Merlin knows about himself just by existing.

Merlin makes mistakes with consequences.

Everyone makes mistakes with consequences.

The show ends with multiple tragic deaths, a kingdom that is heartbroken (but moves on as they must), and an old warlock, who has spent hundreds of lifetimes being older than he looks and depressed, and who has spent barely a fraction of one lifetime being young and hopeful.

Merlin loses everyone he cares about, and yet, he still has hope. He still lives for Arthur. Now, I'm not expecting anyone to come back from the dead anytime soon. I don't think it's a good idea to want such a thing in real life, either. But if Merlin can hope and live after 1000+ years of loneliness and grief, then how can I not think it's possible for me to get through my equivalents of all that shit?

Oh, and don't get me started on the LGBTQ+ subtext and "magic users are oppressed and have to hide who they are to survive" comparison. That hit me like a goddam freight train even harder than realizing I liked Morgana before AND after she became evil.

Anyway, there's a fic if you want to read it. There's angst, Gwen POV, and everyone trying to get Merlin to eat something and go outside to prevent him developing a resistance to sunlight or something.

Enjoy...?

. . . . . . . . . . . . . .

"What we are left with" or "A Love Letter to the Adventures of Merlin BBC"

The king is dead.

Arthur is dead.

Gwenevere sits on the throne as people ask her about all the things that need to be done in the kingdom. Camelot is under her rule... and her rule alone.

Plenty of people will talk about how "if me from ten years ago saw me now, I wouldn't believe it." Gwen felt like it was beyond understandable for her to feel this was most accurate for her life.

She was born a peasant; a blacksmith's daughter. It seems impossible that she sits on the throne now.

It wasn't long ago that it quite simply and entirely WAS impossible, in fact.

It was a huge change, not only for her, but for all of Camelot, and arguably, the world. It was inevitable that there would be challenges galore, and a number of severe ones at that.

She had known that Arthur was a popular target for people set on hurting Uther, taking over the kingdom, etc. etc.

She had known that being Queen would be far from easy.

But she also knew that Arthur needed her. According to him, Camelot also needed her. There isn't much that Gwen wouldn't do for the people she loves and it isn't like the burden of power doesn't come with upsides.

She lives in a palace with a large bed for her to sleep in and the grandest of rooms that she doesn't have to clean. Many of the things she used to do for herself, like bathing, dressing, and preparing meals, are all done for her now, even if she still has a habit of making the bed when her handmaidens aren't looking.

She doesn't have to wonder what kind of trouble Elyan is up to these days, because he is here, where she can keep a closer on eye on him and worry just a teensy bit less about him.

She has friends who are always there for her. Ones who respect her and defend her with their lives, but will still also laugh with her and give a shoulder to cry on when she needs it, as she still is for them after all these years.

All of these things are still true. Many of these people are still here, but she has never felt so alone.

Morgana betrayed her and the kingdom. She left her and eventually kidnapped her for the sake of warping her mind and manipulating her. They used to have a bond she had thought unbreakable. They had whispered secrets into each other's hair while holding each other after some of Morgana's nightmares. They had inside jokes and knew each other so well that they seemed to have an entire secret language between them that consisted solely of ticks and facial expressions. A crinkle of her nose when a suitor said something unclever or boarish. A raised eyebrow and a slight frown when Arthur was surprisingly (if only momentarily) gallant. A smile when Gwen said something she found amusing.

Gwen hadn't seen that smile in years. Any delusion of seeing it again was lost long ago. But apparently, she still had a sliver of hope left because hearing that she was dead, while in many ways was a relief, also hurt nearly as much as hearing the same fate had met Arthur.

That was both Gweneviere's greatest strength and greatest weakness; she was never really lacking in hope.

Even now, when her hope is arguably facing its biggest challenge yet, it's nowhere near gone.

She wishes she could say the same for Merlin's.

He's barely said a word. In fact, Gwen had hardly seen him at all. He had gone straight to Gaius, who somehow got an explanation out of him, and Merlin was presumably keeping to his room.

She couldn't blame him. If Gwen didn't have the responsibility of being queen, she might have done the same. And even then, she has still taken some time to shed her fair share of tears.

Gwen and Arthur's relationship was always an entirely different matter from Merlin and Arthur's relationship. All three of them knew this in some way. (Really, most of Camelot knew, to a point.)

Gwen and Arthur loved each other. That was never false, but there had been a time when they thought it was a different sort of love than it was. Once their relationship had become known, the people of Camelot thought they were essentially soulmates and destined to be one of the greatest love stories ever told. They weren't entirely wrong, but it wasn't the whole truth.

They could tell each other absolutely anything. Each of them had a great mind that worked well with the other, leading not only to an excellent partnership in rulers of the land, but also to an understanding that meant they could always rely on each other in any moment of need.

Gwen loved Arthur for his bravery and willingness to change himself and the things within his power for the betterness of all. She also loved him for his goofiness and his tragic past. She loved him for never passing personal judgement on her for her station or gender or race. She loved him for seeing her as the person she was, not the servant he was expected to see her as.

And that's exactly one of the reasons why he loved her. She didn't treat him like he was only a royal figure to worship and bend over backwards for. He wasn't just a king. He was her king. Just as she was his queen.

And to be a better king, Arthur needed people who would tell him when he was being conceited or small-minded...

Or a prat.

Merlin was there for Arthur just as much, if not far more so than Gwen was and that did not lessen the love between Gwen and Arthur even a little.

But Merlin had Arthur's heart from the moment they met.

And Arthur had Merlin's.

Many people would see and hear how Merlin blatantly insulted the KING and be baffled when his majesty would respond with Laughter. This servant could call King Arthur a dollophead, a clotpole, a prat, a cabbagehead, and so much more and face little to no repercussions. And this happened regularly. Many times a day, in fact. It was puzzling to many.

But Gwen knew why Arthur rarely, if ever, took offense to Merlin's ribbing and why Merlin would keep coming back only to be given endless chores and musings about his supposed lack of intelligence.

It wasn't because Merlin needed the job or had an obligation to the kingdom, at least not entirely. It wasn't because Arthur needed a servant or still felt he owed Merlin the job as part of a life debt, at least not entirely.

It was because they needed each other. And they both knew it in one way or another. That's why the words either didn't sting like it might seem they should or simply weren't enough to keep each other away. They knew they didn't truly mean it. They knew there was something far more important in their relationship than than there would be in any of their squabbles; even the serious ones.

"A half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole."

Gwen would never describe it in those words alone. It's silly to say something so cryptic and simply stated and pretend it explains absolutely everything in complete clarity.

Besides, who could accurately put into words the strength of Arthur and Merlin's love for one another.

Gwen and Arthur were husband and wife. But they were friends first. And when they got married they did so knowing it was best for the kingdom, and not in the way Uther thought, but in the way Queen Gwenevere and King Arthur believed. They were going to prove that change could lead to great things.

Gwen had hoped she wouldn't have to do so alone.

And even if it wasn't fair to her friends to think that she was truly alone, it would be quite some time before she felt otherwise.

The king is dead.

Queen Gwenevere sits on a single throne with a crown on her head, facing her subjects who she would put everything she had, as well as all she'd remember Arthur to be, into leading her people into the time of peace and prosperity that she and Arthur had hoped to see one day.

Arthur is dead.

Nothing would ever be the same. There were going to be some major difficulties in the road ahead, perhaps even some failures. But that will not stop her from trying harder. Arthur's loss will not stop her from loving again or hoping still. Nothing will stop her from being there for her kingdom... and for her friends.

. . . . .

She walked down the halls one step at a time. She smiled at the passers by and thanked those who gave their condolences.

She stopped wearing black a few weeks ago, but there were still dreadful clouds over everyone's hearts, though most of them had found ways to keep going nonetheless.

Except for one heart, it would seem, whose clouds were still striking everything that moved with unforgiving lighting and drowned out every sound with its devastating downpour.

For about two weeks, he hadn't left his room. Then the knights and her had taken turns in visiting him to try and get him to eat something or get some fresh air at the very least.

When he had seen Gwen, he could scarcely do more than sob into her shoulder. And she let her own tears fall as they held each other. He couldn't talk. He didn't utter a single word and even his cries were choked down to the point she was concerned he start actually choking.

He was becoming increasingly unhealthy, but somehow, neither he nor Gaius seemed especially worried about him dying, as strange as it was. He grew frighteningly more skinny as he didn't eat. His skin was paler and dryer, but still he wouldn't move from his bed. He flinched away from any golden light they might try and let in through the window. The dullness that would take over his face when you so much as showed him a glass of water was all beyond worrisome. Yet Gaius would simply say to give him time. Gwen and the knights worried just how much time it would take and whether it would be before or after Merlin starved to death.

After about a month, Gaius had said he'd successfully convinced Merlin to have a few bites of stew and some water for his father figure's sake if not for his own. They all nearly tried to throw a party in celebration. He still wouldn't leave his room, though.

A month later had him out of bed and dressed. He even helped Gaius with his work as best he could, but would not leave the physician's chambers. He talked some, but very little, and hardly above the softest whisper. And he wouldn't stay out of his room for very long. This went on like this for months.

Gwen tried to visit more often, but couldn't stay for very long. There was so much to do. She had understood when Merlin didn't want to be part of the ceremony held in remembering of Arthur, especially since he had already said his goodbyes when it mattered.

But there was so much more to do. Gwen was facing a lot of pushback from the members of the council who didn't believe she had a right to sit on the throne. She was handling that. With plenty of people vouching for her, and her own actions proving to be helping Camelot more and more every day, as well as the majority of Camelot's people loving her and everything she stands for as well as her strength in the face of her husband's death, she's been able to handle it. There's a million other issues that have mostly gotten smaller and smaller as she worked at them and any new issues that came up.

But she still needed Merlin. She still needed her friend. Merlin was one of the few people closest to her that hadn't died or betrayed her. She wasn't going to let him hide himself away forever. And there were still a number of things they needed to talk about.

His magic for one.

So here she was, walking to the physician's chambers ready to get her best friend out in the world again if she had to drag him out.

She knew he'd likely never be the same or even fully happy again without Arthur, but she was determined to remind him that he was so much more than what he was for Arthur: His protector. His servant. His lover. His friend... His real soulmate.

All those things he was to Arthur made up and will always be a huge part of who Merlin is, but Gwen will not let him think he is nothing with Arthur gone.

So she knocks on Gaius' door.

Gaius looks worried when he opens the door, but also almost received as he let's her in and tells her Merlin is in his room.

They share a knowing look before she walks up the steps and carefully opens the door.

When she walks in, she sees Merlin sitting by the fire, holding Ygraine's sigil in his hands and watching the flames shape a person in armour interacting with a person in more common garb. It's almost like the fire is playing Merlin's memories back to him. Gwen only thinks this because she recognizes the scene. The day Arthur made some poor boy run around with knives getting thrown at him, and Merlin stood up to him, with no thought to station or the sorts of power one person could try and use against him.

Gwen knew Merlin had magic by now. Gaius and she had discussed it partially after she figured it out. She had suspected something of the like for a little while, now, in fact.

She had never seen him use magic blatantly and so closely before. She took a breath in surprise and the images in the flames flickered away as Merlin turned to look at her, his eyes still shining gold for just a second before turning back to blue. His face was wet.

Neither of them moved for a moment before Gwen made the choice to slowly walk over and sit beside him. The warlock. The love of her dead husband's life. One of her greatest friends.

"Merlin."

He hadn't broken eye contact with her at all since she came in, but with the sound of her voice, the clouded sheen across his eyes flickered to almost reveal what was behind them. He said nothing back.

"I know, we've been skirting around some very difficult talks these past couple months, and I don't plan to press you on what I'm fairly sure is the most painful one for you, seeing as it is also the most painful one for me." The cloudy sheen grew thicker. You once saw a deep blue when you looked at Merlin. Now it seemed more and more like a stormy gray.

Gwen resumed. "But there is one thing I think we need to talk about sooner rather than later: your magic." (This wasn't entirely true. There wasn't much of a time limit on this as even if they started taking down the anti-magic laws in the system, it would be a very long time before they started to see real change. Nonetheless, it does need to happen and it's a much better conversation to get Merlin out and about again than trying to talk about anything to do with Arthur specifically.)

Surprisingly, his expression stayed stone still. No surprise, no fear, no confusion, nothing. She had figured Gaius told him she knew and in some of her visits to Merlin, she had made implications and questionable comments to subtly let him know that she knew and was not going to have him executed over it. And avoiding addressing it directly for fear of him panicking or shutting down or doing something reckless. So she wasn't expecting him to be totally off-guard.

But to have absolutely no emotional reaction at all was not a good sign.

He continued to say nothing.

"Merlin, please. Nothing is easy anymore, I know. Not talking to your friends. Not getting out of bed. Not even breathing, at times. Believe me, I understand this. Obviously there are parts of what you're going through, that I don't understand, but that's never going to stop me from trying. And the same goes for Gaius, Elyan, Percival, and Leon. We are all here for you. That's what makes us friends is We are all here for each other."

He had looked away around when she talked about wanting to understand and had slowly drifted to looking back at the fire.

"Please look at me, Merlin. I need to know that you're hearing me." She grabbed his arm softly and his eyelids twitched. Slowly, so slowly, he started to move his lips like he was about to speak.

He struggles for a moment before his eyes glow gold and he lowers his head as the fire starts to dance again. This time, it shows a boy playing in the woods. He makes butterflies from nothing and they dance around him and Gwen can almost hear the joyous laughter as the boy plays with his magical creations.

Then another boy appears and the butterflies fly away. The first boy is very still. Then the second boy walks over and, after a moment, he hugs him tightly. The first boy hugs back.

The image shifts. There are two young men, young enough that to still be considered boys, working in fields of grain. The crop is not doing well and the boys look concerned. One of them starts to seem frustrated with the other and gestures to the crops. The other contemplates for a moment. He looks around to see if anyone is looking and then kneels down to get his hands in the dirt.

The figures the fire makes are not as detailed as the people they represent, but they are detailed enough that two spots where the figure's eyes would be glow brighter than the rest of him. The crops flourish and grow tall. The first boy is amazed at what his friend has done and is grabbing his arm excitedly. The second is concerned.

The scene changes again, and now the boys walk alone through a town with multiple figures looking at them and whispering amongst themselves. The boys reach a particular house where a woman waits for them. She brings them inside.

In the house, the woman is talking animatedly. The boys are clearly being scolded by a worried mother.

"They suspected Will was the sorcerer." A cracking voice says quietly next to Gwen.

She immediately looks over to Merlin, who is watching the flames sullenly; tiredly. She waited for him to continue.

He sighed shakily. "When the crops became healthier than would normal even in a good year overnight, that was the last straw for the other villagers. They had suspicions before, but this was undeniable. And Will and I were known to have been in the field during the time frame the crops changed."

"If I had stayed, my mother would've had to watch one or both of us get turned against by the whole village and it wouldn't have been safe for any of us. If someone left mysteriously, and all the suspiciously magical things stopped happening, then they'd be satisfied that the sorcerer wouldn't be bothering them again. It was Will or me, and really, I was the obvious choice."

The fire showed on of the boys with a pack on his back, hugging the woman, then hugging his friend before leaving his home.

"Even if I could've bared to watch Will leave, an outcast to his home, I wouldn't have been able to live without ever using magic again. The suspicions would pick up again sooner or later. So my mother sent me away to Gaius, believing he'd teach me better control of my magic and believing the business of the city would help keep eyes off of me."

The fire shows the boy appearing over a hill, approaching the unmistakable image of Camelot. It seems so bright and hopeful.

Then Merlin is in a cave talking to the Great dragon.

"From the beginning, Kilgarrah would tell me how my destiny was to help Arthur. To protect him and help him become the greatest king the land had ever known. He told me Arthur would unite the lands of Albion and magic would be free once more."

Gwen wasn't sure what to think of this. So she just kept listening.

"It's very difficult to turn away when someone tells you there's a future where you and people like you can be free from persecution and don't have to constantly fear for your life over something you can't help. It's a lot harder to feel like that's possible when you're just a kid from Ealdor, being told this future relies almost entirely on you. That all your power and all your gifts were given to you so that you would bring about a golden age of peace for everyone by keeping one stupid prat alive." He chuckles into a cut off sob at that.

The fire then shows Uther sentencing a warlock to death in front of the poor man's mother. It shows her disappearing in rage.

It shows her throwing a dagger at Arthur's heart just before Merlin slows time to pull Arthur away safely.

Arthur looks surprisingly blurry in the flames, but far more bright and golden than anything else in the scene.

The scenes change much more rapidly now. Merlin using magic to reveal Valiant's magical shield. Merlin using magic to destroy the monster that was poisoning the water. Merlin calling the Great Dragon and ordering him to stop terrorizing Camelot and leave for good. Merlin stopping bandits with falling branches and mysteriously thrown spears. Merlin facing off Cenred and refusing the chance to rule with him.

"I couldn't save everyone."

Merlin meeting a girl under the castle to bring her food and talk with her. That girl turning into a monster and being killed by Arthur. Merlin watching Will die with an arrow in his chest and a lie on his lips for the sake of protecting his friend from Arthur. Merlin stopping Arthur from going through the veil, but being beat to going through it himself by Lancelot. (That scene wasn't quite so detailed and Gwen reached for his shoulder in thanks for that. Whether it was more for her or himself.)

"Or I didn't try hard enough."

Mordred getting thrown in the dungeons with no way to save the love of his life and Merlin doing nothing about it.

Merlin poisoning Morgana.

Gwen had to take a breath for that one. The situation back then had eventually reached her ears and she had eventually forgiven Merlin, but that didn't make it any easier a truth to face. She took her hand away, but stayed close.

"Over time, protecting Arthur with my magic became less and less about bringing about a peaceful future and so much more about just-"

He couldn't finish that sentence, but the fire showed a king in full armour grasping the forearm of his servant. The two of them only seeing each other. Arthur was very clear to see now. You could make out the sharpness of his jaw and crinkles of his eyes. The fire changed colors so his hair and crown would shine gold, his cape deepened to Pendragon red, and his eyes shifting to a piercing blue.

Merlin's figure was much less bright and detailed, but the tinted red of his neckercheif and the faint blue of his eyes were bolder than before. After all, his mission in protecting Arthur may have changed him not always for the better, but his love for Arthur always brought out the best parts of Merlin.

Merlin had kept his face expressionless through most of the story, but not like he was trying to hide his emotions anymore. No, he simply couldn't bring himself to feel anything about the secret of his magic anymore. This secret he's had to keep from almost everyone in his life for so long. He didn't care about it anymore. It wasn't about the magic anymore.

The flames slowly started to fade back to a more expected sort of flickering and grew smaller as it did. Merlin stayed quiet again. Gwen reached out again.

"Did you get to tell him?" She asked oh so softly.

His eyes watered and he nodded. Then he started shaking his head no.

"Not the way I wanted to."

Gwen thought about how beautifully the fire had danced in telling Merlin's story. The way that every time Arthur was shown, he was shown as a golden figure of hope and love doing his best to protect and lead his kingdom. It was meant to be Merlin's story, but it was difficult to focus on much besides Arthur and the beauty Merlin painted him with. Even when he killed Freya, her beauty was far from hidden, and the tragedy was not shyed away from, but Arthur was not the villain of the story. He never would be the villain in Merlin's story. And he wanted Arthur to know that. He wanted time to get Arthur to sit down and hear his side of the story. This story full of lies and secrets and pain that some may hear and think it odd that Merlin, with all his power, wouldn't be fighting against Arthur in order to build the world he wanted himself. This story that is so clearly not one of heroes against villains, or rivalry, but above all, a love story. Merlin loves Arthur more than himself. More than magic. More than anything or anyone. That's what he wanted to show Arthur. That's what he wanted Arthur to know.

Merlin's tears fell more forcefully, and Gwen took him in her arms. She let her tears run freely as well.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry." He gasped through his cries. Gwen didn't need to ask what he was sorry about. Or who he was sorry to. They both knew.

"I'm sorry too." Gwen replied. Because in the end, there's not much else you can say but that.

Eventually, their emotions would settle, and they'd start talking about what to do next. Having magic would no longer be a crime, but there were so few magic users and beings of magic left that there would need to be a serious effort to avoid the extinction of such people and creatures in the long run.

Merlin wasn't sure he was up to that task. It didn't help that if it was revealed to the court that he, specifically, had magic and had been hiding it for years, it would be difficult for anyone to trust him.

But he also simply didn't have faith that he could keep all of magic from dying when he couldn't even keep Arthur from dying.

Gwen didn't want to put so much pressure on him, especially with few to no signs that it would go well. But she would lift the ban on magic. Gaius could help educate people on how magic really works, and they would spread the word that magic does not make something or someone evil. It simply does what all power does and gives people the opportunity to make choices. Sometimes, people just choose to hurt other people.

But some other times, people will instead choose to help people. That's what Gwen will do with her power. Help people. Help her friends. And with time and persistence in this, things will get better, at least in some ways.

Camelot may not last forever. Magic may die out. Their story may not become the greatest legend ever told. It may even be forgotten. But it will have happened. And, in the end, isn't it worth everything, just to say that it happened?

[anniebear-92]

Hey Annie! Just wanted to make sure your okay and that I hope your doing well.

Hello @shot-shock! (And... everyone else I've apparently Ghosted :[ )

I am doing well, I unfortunately got hit but the "Fandom Writer" curse that seems to occur where everything that can go wrong will go wrong when you start writing. I've had some things going on in my personal life that I just have not had the motivation to even touch my computer or even phone to continue writing here. I know I said this before but I really think I've gotten things cleaned up in my life that I can write comfortably.

So here's my plan going forward.

Paw Prints - Yes I am working on my last chapter AND the NSFW part that I'm sure people have been wondering where it is (My bad <3 ) I hope to have that out here in the next week or so and it's up to everyone's standards <3 I am still learning Tumblr so I am going to eventually get a masterlist going and get the parts linked together.

New Fics:

I have some Ideas and new fics in the works. Some I started quite a bit ago and I have one that's almost complete that I posted on another site awhile ago that was just painful to get noticed so I plan to repost here.

Afterlife: An early death for the aspiring number one hero left a bitter taste in Bakugo Katsuki's mouth. At the ripe age of 20, he was taken from the world and he was clearly not ready to go. After a long time of refusing to cross over to promised peace, his personal Reaper offers him one deal and one deal only to return to the land of the living. However they really did not play fair... Haphephobia is the fear of being touched by others, When your quirk cannot distinguish the living from the dead, you tend to develop a fear of contact. You are an ex Pro-hero who has recently rented a home from a couple who lost their son a few years back. You can feel someone residing in the home, someone with a bad attitude and only 12 months left to fulfill his end of the deal before he is forced to cross.. to the Afterlife.

-Notes about this fic, it will have dark themes that may be triggering to others so I do as you read with caution. This will be a multipart fic and I have almost all but a few chapters written so I will post this on a regular schedule. This one will be Bakugo x reader - Enemies to lovers.

The last of the Dragon Riders - Fantasy AU -

In a world filled with magik, mythical creatures, beasts and tales older than the trees; Nothing is more revered than the almighty Dragon Race. To be chosen by a Dragon to become it's rider was not only the greatest honor, but ensured a life of prosperity for the village the rider hailed from... Or so goes the fairy tales you had been told from birth. As the princess of a small kingdom and the future ruler, you did not believe in the creatures that no longer roamed the lands, or at least none that you have ever seen. Each year under the full moon the children who have come of age will try to bond with a Dragon egg, become the new rider and prosperity to their home! Though not one has hatched in the last 120 years of the village's history. Tonight under the full moon it's your turn to participate in the silly ceremony and move on with your life. However unknown to you, an intruder has infiltrated your home in the hopes to steal one of the last remaining "Dragon Eggs" your village boasts to hold. As future leader you are tasked with the retrieval of the stolen egg to your dismay. Upon catching up to said thief, you are in for quite the surprise upon arrival, only to find a larger journey up ahead for yourself and your new found companions.

-This one is also Bakugo x Reader and will be an Enemies to lovers ( Can you tell I have a thing for it? LOL ) Fantasy AU - This one is still in process but I have a few chapters to go. I will most likely be posting a chapter of this in-between updates on Afterlife.

---------------------

So far those are the full stories I have ready to go and I plan to release little blurbs here and there. If you made it to this point thank you so much for your support and I will be posting a blurb today for checking in on me. I really appreciate everyone and will try to get to my asks today as well. <3

[galaxyofhair]

Early Medieval LOTR

To follow up my previous post about having more works of fantasy that take their cues from the Early Medieval era: LOTR is the big one for me. So much of what Tolkien poured into LOTR were myths, legends, and motifs that were very specific to not only the Vikings, but Early Medieval Europe in general(and well beyond).

Going through “Ring Legends of Tolkien” by David Day, he goes over the many different stories that had a direct influence on LOTR. Some of the best known examples are Beowulf, and Arthurian Legend, both of which contributed to motifs such as the slaying of great monsters, the folly and destruction of evil kings, and the acquisition of holy/special swords.

The Volsunga Saga and the Nibelungenlied both deal with the slaying of dragons, and with the motif of cursed treasure--and I forget if its just one of them or both of them but they specifically deal with a cursed ring that is the figurehead of a larger cursed fortune and is ultimately the tool of everyone’s downfall.

This also isn’t new news---Even the films had a pretty good grasp on the Early Medieval influences on Tolkien's work and brought that out in their depiction of Rohan; Rohan’s seat of government in Edoras is essentially a viking longhouse situated on top of a large stone foundation. The Rohirrim themselves are dressed in armor that is either directly inspired by northern armor, or at least decorated in Nordic designs and knots. Even their swords are reminiscent of older Celtic and Viking swords.

But then Two Towers ends, and when we get into Return of The King we find ourselves in Gondor---and we return to that more Late Medieval inspired, standard fantasy setting we’re used to seeing.

((Side note, I can’t tell you how disappointed I was that ROP had the Númenóreans wearing scale mail but actually it’s scale molding into plate armor. What a tease.))

A popular interpretation of LOTR is that it’s an analogy for WWII, but (and I am putting aside Tolkien’s disdain for analogy) I have really come to view LOTR as being largely applicable to the political concerns and structures of the Early Medieval era:

The Shire isn’t England, it’s that all of Arnor is England, but split into many smaller states after [the romans] left some centuries earlier. Rohan could be roughly those of as Denmark, or Scandinavia in general---and Gondor is roughly analogous to the Holy Roman Empire or Frankia (Where Aragorn would be Charlemagne’s heir). It’s not a perfect analogy, but then it didn’t have to be either---the theme that’s being brought across here that didn’t end up being well communicated in the films is that the world of LOTR is a world in recovery. Previously, Arnor and Gondor had been a single kingdom, and at one time a much larger kingdom. This empire was smashed apart over time by various wars and issue with corruption, and as a result Arnor no longer exists, and Gondor has no king---and this applies pretty neatly to the conditions of the early medieval period, depending on which side of the Age of The Vikings you’re on:

The Western Empire was destroyed in 476, and western Europe had to be slowly rebuilt by the dozens and dozens of petty kingdoms that rose up in it’s wake. Charlemagne was the first in a long time to build an empire in western europe---although his empire also split and quickly fell into disrepair, so you could think of Aragorn as Charlemagne himself, or think of Elendil as Charlemagne and Aragorn as heir to the throne etc etc.

All of this to say: I wish I could see a version of LOTR than takes more heavily from these early medieval roots. A version that leaves out the plate armor, the late medieval weaponry, and embraces a visual world that more keenly fits the themes of the text. It would be a world that tells it’s own story visually: One of past prosperity turned to modern scarcity. But also, one that isn’t afraid to really let loose with some of the more viking/anglo-saxon/carolingian aspects of the story really shine through as a key aspect of the world and not just the icing on top.

Idk, it’s a long and stupid ask---there are many other influences on LOTR, including stuff that in non-European (which I realize I focused on here). It’s a big part of: I want to see more fantasy that takes advantage of different eras of technology and culture. Seeing LOTR sort of artificially transposed to a different era because we can’t seem to wrap our heads around any fantasy that doesn’t include big stupid plate armor and two-handed swords just feels like a tragic waste to me.

[sunmoonjune]

Masterlist

✧*:  a collection of the works of sunmoonjune!  ･ﾟ*

*This masterlist is old!! It is no longer being updated and there are many works missing! You can find my new masterlist in my pinned post

✧*: all works belong to sunmoonjune! please do not repost or copy on this site or any other. also please do not discuss these works on twitter/tiktok, I am uncomfortable with it 

Series

Like the Moon: poly!Ateez x OC!reader au 

rating: mature

warnings: at the beginning of each chapter!

synopsis: It’s finally the day of your trial. You’ve been waiting for this day for years. Will you succeed and become a warrior the clan can finally be proud of? Or will you fail, and be banished from the village forever? 

word count: 45k

status: ongoing

chapter one: the trial 

chapter two: a familiar face

chapter three: puncture

chapter four: honey 

chapter five: hatred

chapter six: an anchor in storming seas

chapter seven: angel

chapter eight: reconciliation 

OneShots

Primordial: poly!stray kids x reader au

oneshot

word count: 12.3k

rating: mature

warnings: minors dni!! mentions of sexual situations, no actual smut, death mention, graphic depiction of drowning and injuries, blood, polyamorous relationships, fluff, angst, swearing, god au I guess?? Idk I mention they’re gods but don't go into detail, also soulmate!au, I throw a lot of tropes in here it’s just one big comfort fic 

synopsis: “Oh no, the deep voice spoke hushedly, “we cannot destroy something that has loved us so beautifully.”

status: completed

preview

primordial

In Their Loving Hands: poly!mafia!satosugu x kindergarten teacher!reader au

oneshot

word count: 18.8k

rating: mature

warnings: minors dni!! blood, death, gore, cursing, possible sexual scenarios (no actual smut), mafia, fluff, minor angst and hurt/comfort, slowburn, mentions of cheating (reader is afraid of being a home wrecker), probably ooc gojo an geto tbh, insecurity, mentions of being followed/chased, reader is nearly attacked on more than one occasion 

synopsis: (*slaps roof of fic* this bad boy can fit so many tropes in it) you’re a hardworking kindergarten teacher, just trying to earn enough money to move out of your run-down apartment. everything is normal, or as much as it can be, until two men drop their daughters off in your kindergarten classroom. Nanako and Mimiko quickly become two of your favorite students, and their unreasonably attractive fathers only further your interest. what happens when you bump into the two trying to escape a thief one dark night?

status: completed

in their loving hands

ao3 link

Gods and Monsters: poly!satosugu x reader (pacific rim!au)

oneshot

rating: mature

word count: 27.6k

warnings: blood, death, slight gore, cursing, suggestive themes, monsters, reader is attacked on more than one occasion, fighting, reader has a brother, enemies to lovers

synopsis: six years after you lose your jaeger co-pilot, the Marshall finds you working on the coastal wall; he’s adamant you return to your station, however you can't imagine piloting a jaeger with anyone who isn’t your brother. When you’re talked into returning to base, you’re met with the world’s best jaeger pilots. They’re known for both their charisma and their kaiju kill count, although you find them to be no more than a pain in your ass. After a fight leave their jaeger out of commission, they need a third co-pilot to operate the Rainbow Dragon. With no one else able to match their strength and stamina, they set their sights on you - the only person to ever single-handedly pilot a jaeger and survive.

gods and monsters 

ao3 link

House-elves and Moondew: poly!satosugu x fem!reader [hogwarts!au]

two chapter oneshot

rating: mature

warnings: minors dni!! injury, blood, death mentions, magic 

word count: part one - 15k 

synopsis:  

“You must be some wizard,” Suguru huffs softly, a warm smile gracing his features as his dark eyes drift over you. His chest sings with a giddy lightness, feeling the butterflies in his stomach turn when a little grin pulls at your features. 

When you tilt your head in confusion, Satoru continues for his partner.

“You’ve bewitched us,” he murmurs softly, voice warm and husky as he leans close, “body and soul - without even uttering a single spell.”

one 

two [in progress]

dewdrops at dawn: poly!ateez x fem!reader (demon!au)

one shot

word count: 17.2k

rating: mature

warnings: demon au! + soulmate!au + reincarnation au! idk there’s a lot of tropes going on in here (more warnings on fic itself) 

synopsis: you’ve never really believed in angels, or anything of the sort, but in a last ditch effort to escape a grave situation, you find yourself praying for someone - anyone - to come help you. you’re more than surprised when a handsome man appears at your side, horns curled around his head and tail whipping from side to side. his eyes are full of wonder and longing, and he seems almost lovestruck as he meets your gaze. frozen, you let the figure speak as he looks at you with nostalgia and love in his eyes.

“wow, you would not believe how fast angels are! I had to fight like six of them to answer your call.”

dewdrops at dawn

Works in Progress

Our own Constellations: poly!stray kids x fem! reader (primordial universe!)

oneshot

rating: mature

warnings: tba

synopsis: a continuation of your developing relationship with the eight sea gods. after the first few weeks, the nine of you grow closer and begin learning the intricacies of each other, as well as their unique powers.  

status: on hold

[alexiethymia]

Jeanne Theories (but more like questions)

A dump for all my questions and theories about Jeanne. In the manga, the third chapter is named after her (Chapter 1 is Vanitas, while Chapter 2 is Noe). Arguably, you could say she’s the third most important character. Among all of the main characters, her past seems to be the one we know least about. This actually ties to my questions relating to vampires and their ages. 

I am a bit confused about how aging works with vampires and how that reflects physically. We have Noe and Dominique who are chronologically the same age as Vanitas. Assuming nothing goes wrong, human Vanitas would die of old age (except we know that isn’t the case), while Noe and Dominique would look physically the same how many years later. Jeanne’s age wasn’t intentionally revealed because I think it ties in with the plot, but we know she’s centuries older than the main cast. She’s been with Ruthven since before the betrayal, and grew up with Chloe. This is where it gets confusing for me. Chloe became a vampire at four, but physically stopped aging at eleven years old. Jean Jaques was also a hidden vampire changed by Babel but he ended up growing and looking older than Chloe (at least physically). Same with Jeanne. She and Chloe met when Jeanne was younger than her, but Jeanne grew up to look like a young woman. I’m curious as to the difference as to why it was only Chloe who stopped growing physically at around eleven years old, although she’s older than Ruthven.

Jeanne’s link to Luna of the Blue Moon

I don’t think the line above is a throw-away line. Jeanne was of Ruthven’s time, and we find out that Luna had also seen her, specifically during the time of the Great War. She left that big of an impact on Luna that they would retell the story to Vanitas (and I presume Mikhail too), which had that much of impact on him as well.

They removed this context from the anime which makes it as if Vanitas heard of Jeanne through stories, except we know from the manga that it was more personal since he heard it from Luna. 

Why exactly did Luna have admiration towards Jeanne? Was it because she was slaughtering Vampires of the Red Moon? But contrary to the rumors, recent chapters would show us that Luna didn’t seem to be a vengeful entity or hold ill-will toward Vampires of the Red Moon. 

Luna was also probably the reason why Vanitas felt an initial connection with Jeanne. Like with his hourglass earring, the name, the book, the gloves, etc., despite their complicated past, Vanitas seems to be (consciously or unconsciously) maintaining a link with Luna. 

Jeanne’s Slumber (possible connections with Sleeping Beauty)

Why was it necessary for Jeanne to sleep all this time? And why did she have to wake up now, at this exact moment in time? What exact thing does Ruthven need to use her for, and for what purpose? Because let’s admit it, Lord Ruthven is shady af. 

It’s also ironic how Jeanne reads Sleeping Beauty and places Vanitas in the princess’ position, when she has more in common with the fairytale. Having to sleep for a hundred years, her mark is that of a rose with thorns evoking the imagery of ‘Briar Rose’ and the spindle, while her epithet ‘Hellfire Witch’ evokes imagery of the evil fairy who could turn into a dragon and breathe fire (admittedly I may be focusing on the Disney version too much). 

We know she’s named after Jeanne d’Arc, a martyr who was burnt at the stake (please, please, let this not be foreshadowing of how she dies) hence the connection to her epithet ‘Hellfire Witch’, but even disregarding how vampires (and perhaps humans as well?) have true names, Vanitas says she was ‘bestowed’ a saintly name. We know she was adopted, and we don’t know the circumstances of her birth which are shrouded in mystery, but could Ruthven have been the one to grant the name ‘Jeanne’ to her? 

If not for the fact that we already had Florifel and Eglantine in the first chapter, I would have thought Jeanne’s true name and malnomen if she gets one later would be connected to the fairy tale of Sleeping Beauty. 

Jeanne’s Malady

The vampires in Vanitas no Carte are different from the stereotypical portrayals of vampires, except for one - Jeanne. Jeanne has that uncontrollable desire to drink blood, and yet as of now, doesn’t appear to be a curse bearer. Based on her patchy memories, we can infer it was Ruthven who made her like this, is the one to supply her with her sketchy medicine, all the while forcing her to swear not to talk about it.

Is she in the same predicament as Loki, Luca’s older brother, forced to have the symptoms of a curse bearer and yet being prevented from being cured, by Ruthven? For what greater purpose? Why is it necessary for Loki to be a curse bearer? And more intriguing than that, why is he consenting to it? It all relates to the Queen somehow, something which no one is privy to except the Oriflamme Family. 

Sleeping Lions

Who could Marquis Machina be referring to? Everyone in the Oriflamme family, and by extension Jeanne, have connections with the imagery of lions and fire (they seem to have an elemental affinity like how Luca displayed, except that Ruthven’s is black fire, which makes me wonder what color Loki’s flames would be if ever). Jeanne can’t seem to manipulate the World Formula like Ruthven and Veronica though. The flames come out of her gauntlet, Carpe Diem. 

In relation to that, I think Misha’s patron is Marquis Machina. In the same way, Marquis Machina built Carpe Diem for Jeanne, I think he built Misha’s hand and dog for him. I mean Marquis Machina doesn’t seem to be working with Ruthven and Charlatan. His pieces seem to be the kin of the Blue Moon (Vanitas and Misha), the dhams, and the De Sade family. It could also be that the De Sade have their own agenda and are just using Marquis Machina or it’s just a mutual beneficial arrangement. If so, an eventually power struggle is bound to break out, possibly between the De Sade and the Oriflamme families, and poor Jeanne will be caught in the middle. Where then does the Shapeless One play into this? Perhaps a third faction? A silent observer? A loyalist to the queen? There’s still too little information to theorize. 

Who could the Sleeping Lion Marquis Machina wants to see wake up be? 

Jeanne, Faustina, Luna, and Naenia

It could just be a stylistic thing, but the long flowing light colored hair seem to be common among all of them. 

In relation to Pandora Hearts and its themes of will and what measure is a person, what if the Jeanne that we know now is just a consciousness inhabiting a body (kind of like Oz and Jack), specifically the queen’s body to be exact. It would certainly be foreshadowing to when she says ‘promise to kill me when I’m no longer myself anymore’.

Alternatively, the current Jeanne we know may just be a vessel or a golem to house the Queen whose body has deteriorated. It certainly would explain why she was treated as a doll even in her earliest memories. ‘Jeanne’ isn’t supposed to exist. 

Although it’s a long shot, since Ruthven has connections with Charlatan, and by extension Dr. Moreau, could ‘No. 70′ have been Jeanne? Again like I said, it’s a long shot. I think it’s likelier that No. 70 is a character we haven’t been introduced to yet. 

Jeanne’s Parents

This is a Mochizuki work. Of course, there’s got to be something to it. Why exactly did they side with the humans so suddenly in the war? What horrible thing did the vampires do to have over a thousand of their kind turn against them? And yet the way it reads, rather than betray Ruthven, I think Jeanne’s parents along with all of the vampires who were slaughtered were sacrificial pawns. Maybe I’m just really biased against Ruthven, but I think he was the one to lead the rebellion of his students, and like Chloe, although he presents himself to be an ally of the current Vampire Monarchy, perhaps he’s just biding his time to get revenge for his students. In working with Charlatan, it’s vampires who he’s harming.

What greater purpose could he have in wanting to assassinate his own nephew or ally himself with a known vampire extermination unit of the Chasseurs (Gano and his ilk) or in killing so many vampires by having their true names corrupted? 

Face to face with Noe, we see in their meeting that Noe says the exact same words Ruthven told Chloe when he was younger. Noe reminds Ruthven of his students, while Ruthven reminds Noe of his teacher. I’m not really sure where I’m going with this, but it seems like the Ruthven of now scorns his past self’s moderate and progressive ideals of vampires and humans living in harmony. He speaks of our side, your side, and Noe having to choose one or the other. And yet all of his collective actions at this point have served not to protect but rather harm vampire kind, which puts him in direct opposition to Vanitas who wants to save vampires. 

In relation to Jeanne, there will be a boiling point. She’s loyal to Luca and she’s loyal to Ruthven. She’s incredibly fond of Dominique. As of now, she also loves Vanitas. And yet down the line, inevitably Luca and Ruthven will be on opposing sides, so I am curious to see how the betrayals and conflicting loyalties will play out. 

[asmodean-deserved-better]

I don't understand where you're getting that the show is making Egwene the best most specialest girl? It's Nynaeve who saves everyone with an extraordinary, unexpected display of channeling, not just once but twice. It's Perrin who has the unique, one-of-a-kind kinship with wolves. It's Mat who can somehow resist an evil, cursed dagger far longer than any normal person would have been able to do. It's Rand who is the Dragon Reborn. For all her potential, the most Egwene was able to do with the One Power all season (until the finale) was light a small fire and unfasten Perrin's bonds in the Whitecloak camp. There's literally a scene where she thinks she's being described as the most powerful channeler in centuries, and then gets the wind taken out of her sails when it turns out they were talking about Nynaeve. Don't get me wrong, I disliked that they gave her a moment of healing that logically should have gone to Nynaeve, but it was nonetheless the first and only really extraordinary thing Egwene did all season, so I'm confused why you think they're making her out to be the best and specialest? In my opinion she's been pretty ordinary compared to the other Emond's Fielders.

It isn't about who caused the most CGI to be used though. It's about how the narrative frames her, how other characters see her, and what changes were made to the books.

(I will be making comparisons with the books but I won't talk about anything not covered by the adaptation.)

She is the first of the Emond's Fielders we meet. Nynaeve is also there, but the scene is Egwene's, it's her special ritual, it's all about her. Then we see Rand, but he is doing something mundane, and only after that we see Mat and Perrin with Rand, but this scene is actually also about Egwene. Introducing them like that doesn't establish an ensemble cast, it establishes Egwene as the main character. (And I know that Rafe wanted more time, but we're looking at what ended up being made, and besides, we know that he planned to make the women's circle ceremony longer.)

They made her a Dragon candidate, which I don't have a problem with per se, but in the books she decided to leave with Moiraine and the others all by herself, just because she wanted to. This establishes her personality and what she wants in life very strongly.

(It is also the source of her conflict with Rand. They both behaved like egoistical children about it, but we still could have had characters in a relationship having a conflict that isn't about their relationship.)

Because of that change, she show gave her Rand's lines about how the trollocs are actually after them and they should believe Moiraine about that. This made Egwene look like she is the only one who has any braincells among the Emond's Fielders and make Rand seem like the most irrational of them. Similar thing happened with making Egwene the most rational and heroic when talking for going to the Eye, while in the books it wasn't even a question (the situation was different but still extremely dangerous).

That story about how Egwene got sick as a child was turned from the story of how Nynaeve channeled for the first time – to save a dying child and not a guy she barely knows! – into the story of how Egwene defeated a deadly infection by sheer force of will, apparently, which is just dumb. Someone should have caught and rewritten it during all that time the production was delayed because of a deadly infection going around.

That sequence in the whitecloaks camp you don't seem to think was very impressive still makes Egwene, with her one channeling lesson, infinitely more competent than at least half a dozen Aes Sedai with all their training and years or decades of experience. I like this scene, Egwene is great in it, and the Aes Sedai really aren't as good at what they are doing as they advertise themselves. But the show hypes up the Aes Sedai so much and this undercuts what it is trying to do.

All this focus on Egwene even changes the themes of the books. In the library when Rand picks up The Travels of Jain Farstrider in the show it reminds him of Egwene, while in the book he thinks about how Tam always wanted to have this book in his library. It would have been nice to have this scene, especially with how little Tam we got. Then, in the last episode when Ishamael tries to make Rand do what he wants he creates an illusion of Egwene and Rand refuses to give in by giving an impassioned speech about how wonderful Egwene is and how much he loves her. In a similar scene in the book Rand sees his adoptive mother, Kari Al'thor. This scene has its own issues but instead of fixing them the show once again replaces familial love with romantic love. And also turns Rand into an extremely flat character who only does what he does because of his girlfriend and not his own moral compass.

Again, I am not against them giving Egwene more focus than she got in the first book. But the show overdoes it, which hurts the characterisation of others, erases some of the themes that are extremely important throughout the whole book series, and even undermines some other things the show decided to emphasize more in comparison with the books.

[janaeekook]

.Crimson lace.

pairing: bestfriend!seonghwa x reader (f)

warnings: dom!seonghwa, oral (f receiving), unprotected sex (be safe kids)

word count: 4.9k

The roads were winding, twisting through the expansive mountain scape around you, Small flakes of snow falling along the road. You were in the passenger seat of your best friends car, the radio softly playing some pop song that Seonghwa seemed to know word for word.

It was that time of year, Seonghwa's family and their annual trip to their cabin. The past years you and Seonghwa had gone up a day earlier than the rest of his family to take up all the supplies for the week and check that the generator still worked properly.

"So what movies are we going to watch tonight?" You asked, curious as to what we would do before his parents, aunts, uncles, siblings and cousins came up tomorrow.

"I'll leave that to you." He said glancing over to you from the drivers seat. You smiled widely, knowing which movies you'd pick for the movie night that had become a tradition.

The smile that masked your face didn't fade as you watched each dainty snowflake powder from the sky. It was exquisitely beautiful, the grey early January sky, the chill of the outdoors cut off by the cars heat and the warm starbucks coffee that warmed you from the inside.

You hummed tugging your legs into a crossed position in the seat, the paper cup still in your clutch. You inspected the glove box, nothing but crumpled napkins, registration and a small first aid kit.

"We're almost there." Seonghwa informed you.

"How did you-"

"You act like I haven't known you my whole life." He chuckled, "You get antsy after long car rides."

You chuckled, forgetting that Seonghwa was indeed your bestfriend, and had been for years. He knew practically everything about you, neither of you ever saw each other as more than bestfriends bound at the hip.

He'd seen you half naked, passed out drunk on the bathroom floor, three times through the notebook after your first breakup, and he was by your side through all of it. Nursing you to health, loving you when you thought no one would, and giving you endless support when your dad passed away.

His parents were the same growing up, knowing your mom was busy working overtime to pay the bills; you'd stay over, that was when you and Seonghwa really grew close, you sleeping on the floor of his dragon themed bedroom.

As your mind continued to reminisce, the car was pulling up to the large cabin, It was large enough to house all 17 of us with its 7 bedrooms. The parents and grandparents got their rooms, the younger kids shared rooms, the girls in one and boys in the other. But as you and Seonghwa got older you started sharing the last bedroom.

It wasn't weird for you, you'd been sharing a bedroom and bed with him since you were both 4. His relatives however always asked if the two of you were dating, and you'd laugh it off because to the two of you it was utterly ridiculous.

You stretched your tired limbs when you stepped from the warmth of Seonghwa's car into the brisk outside winter air, "We made it!" You exclaimed lightly in excitement.

Seonghwa's chuckle sounded warm enough to melt the falling snow all away, "Did you doubt we would?"

You shrugged, grabbing one of the many large boxes of food and supplies that were piled in the back of his car.

"You're a scary driver." You teased, feigning fright. He smacked your arm before grabbing a box as well.

"Excuse me I am a wonderful driver."

You giggled, stopping promptly as you reached the entry way, Seonghwa taking his keys and unlocking the large wooden door. You took a deep breath in as you stepped through the door, the cabin always had a distinct smell a mixture of sandalwood and crisp apple.

"Wait!" You gasped making Seonghwa who stood in the kitchen whip around to look at you in slight concern which quickly faded upon studying your face. Bright eyes and an excited smile as you continued to hold onto the box of food.

"What?" He couldn't contain the contagious smile that spread across his face.

"Can we make a fort for our movie night?"

"Let's get everything inside, and the generator going, first and then talk about the plan for the night, ok?" He said and you nodded quickly in agreement. He watched as you skipped back out the door, and he couldn't help the smile that drew at his lips.

Anyone watching them could see the love and adoration in his eyes, anyone and everyone, except you. Seonghwa had started to feel more for you, he loved you and he wanted you to know. But you were oblivious to the signs he'd been displaying the past 2 years. Sometimes he grew frustrated and just wanted to grab your face and kiss you— but at what cost? What if you didn't feel the same?

Well he knew you didn't, he was just your bestfriend and nothing more. He never tested that boundary for fear of losing you, he could never picture a life without you, it just didn't make sense.

"Hwa!" He was pulled from his thoughts by your voice, "Get out here and help me."

He chuckled, "Ya, ya." Following your words out the door

.

The generator rolled with a start, humming lightly. Seonghwa stood dusting off his hands as he stood from his previously squat position before leaving the small shed with a huff of satisfaction hurrying the short distance back to the insulated cabin.

"You got it?" You asked the second you heard him come through the door.

"Try the lights." he said, and so you did, the dark room quickly being illuminated by the warm light.

"Haha! Look at that!" You exclaimed, he always loved the excitement you got from the smallest things. Lights, electricity, something so simple and everyday and yet it brought you the upmost joy.

He wanted to tell you how cute you were, "Aww is someone afraid of the dark?" He joked instead.

"Very funny, If I recall correctly you were the one that just had to have his Spiderman night light plugged in."

He scoffed, "At least I don't cry at the sight of an insect."

"Arachnophobia is a very real thing, Seonghwa."

"Then I hope none are lurking around the cabin." He said in an attempted spooky voice, wiggling his fingers as he moved his arm toward you, which you proceeded to hit out of the way. You stuck your tongue out at him.

"Jackass." You said, and he only replied with his melodic laugh, You threw a folded blanket at his chest, "Now help me with the fort."

You both threw blankets over the couch and propped them on various chairs from about the cabin. Purposely leaving the fluffiest and nicest blankets for the inside, where you also strung fairy lights randomly. It was as magical and cuddly-cozy-warm as ever. You climbed in wrapping yourself in a blanket then opened your laptop in front of you, Seonghwa joining with an armful of snacks.

You hummed, grabbing a handful of popcorn, "You know the way to my heart, Park."

"Its like I'm your bestfriend or something."

"Hm, so 10 Things I Hate About You, ya?"

"Whatever makes you happy." He said with a smile. That's all he wished, for you to be happy, and if sitting here with you in a makeshift fort of blankets and fairy lights, with snacks that were bad for you and cheesy hallmark movies, was what made you happy— then so be it. If you insisted, he would sit there all the days of his life with you.

He sighed lightly to himself, You've got it bad Seonghwa. He thought, though he knew, he'd known. Falling helplessly in love with his bestfriend, who saw him as just that, her bestfriend.

How truly infuriating it must be for him to see you look at others and not even consider him. Though that wasn't your fault. You didn't know. He wished you'd notice, but you still hadn't. It had been years, every holiday, coming up to the cabin— falling asleep next to the other.

He looked over to you, your eyes shut and lips parted slightly. It was unbelievable, you always insisted on a movie night but Seonghwa knew you'd be asleep by the end of the first. That's just how you worked; he studied your sleeping face with a smile, tuning out the movie. He thought you looked beautiful, truly.

Unconsciously you scooted toward Seonghwa's warmth. His lips forming a sad smile as he watched his sleeping bestfriend cuddle into his chest. You'd always been cuddly, ever since childhood— as if you had been starved of physical affection your entire life. So you'd always found reasons to hug him, or others and be close to them, not wishing them the same fate.

This is how he'd fallen in love with you. Why, he'd fallen in love with you. Simply for you and your heart.

Though he was still a teenage boy, and when he woke up in the middle of the night, that night, heart racing, skin damp with sweat and his boxers straining against him. He wanted to curse at himself, to ignore it and go back to sleep. But you moving in your sleep forced him to fight off a moan as your ass pressed against him unintentionally.

He nearly jumped off the floor and right up hurrying to the bathroom, where he shut and locked the door, before leaning against it. He looked at the clock that quietly ticked on the wall, 3:45 am. He sighed, annoyed then pulled his sweatpants down just enough to take himself into his hand, pumping himself as he searched for relief. And he did, cumming over his hand as he whispered your name.

.

The next morning you woke up, Seonghwa no longer next to you. You looked out of the fort finding him sitting on an uncovered part of the couch, eyes fixated on the TV.

"Seonghwa?" You croaked out, he turned to glance at you, his cheeks red but you assumed it was from the cold, "What's going on?" He didn't actually respond just turned up the volume on the TV.

Breaking: All roads on the highway north are closed after an unexpected snow storm dumped at least 5 feet of snow in the middle of the night, authorities are advising residents to be patient as they work to clear the roads.

"We're snowed in." He finally said.

"So- what does that mean about your family coming up?"

"They're not." His voice seemed strained, as if full of dread.

"Jeez, I can't be that awful to be around." You joked before stalking off into the kitchen to make some breakfast.

What you didn't know however was what truly was going through his head. This had to have been some twisted fate the universe had placed on him, working to test his strength in the process. How long could he hold out? How long could he restrain himself in these close quarters? Maybe it was the cold getting to his head, making him weaker.

"Do you want pancakes or waffles?" You asked from the kitchen, effectively knocking Seonghwa from his trance.

"Did you really just ask me that question?" He seemed borderline offended.

"Who else?" You snorted

"Waffles are 100 times better than pancakes, you know that." He stood walking into the kitchen and standing on the opposite side of the island.

"Excuse me? Pancakes are so much better than waffles, they're fluffy."

"But everything just spills off the top, waffles have indents to capture all of that flavor so you don't miss any of it. Plus pancakes are always raw in the center."

"Are not!" You turned around facing him fully now.

"Why'd you even ask me then if you like pancakes better."

"I don't know, maybe because I thought it was a simple question." You retaliated.

"Are we really fighting about pancakes and waffles?"

"Yes, now you can make your own breakfast."

"You're a pain in the ass." He said walking around the island and grabbing cereal from the cabinet.

"Dido." You said in a sing-song voice and smiled at him. He sighed, shaking his head at you with a smile across his own lips. This was what your friendship had always consisted of, joking play fights and comments. You were probably more comfortable around Seonghwa than your own family, partly because he felt like family to you. You threw a chocolate chip at him as he sat at the counter and you wondered in that moment what you would do without your bestfriend. The rest of the day passed at a snails pace, being snowed in only making you more aware of how seemingly little there was to do in the rather large cabin. You danced to music in the living room as Seonghwa laughed saying that you had 'not a single dancer bone in your body' to which you answered him by throwing a pillow at his head. That had led to a merciless pillow fight between you, which of course he ultimately won. Later in the day You sat, reading a book on the couch. You weren't exactly sure what the book was about, you had simply found it on the book shelf. It was interesting, interesting enough for you not to register that your bestfriend had entered the room again after having gone to change.

"Hey," He said, grabbing your attention, "I'm gonna go out, check the main roads. You gonna be ok?" Seonghwa asked pulling gloves onto his hands.

"Ya, I'll be fine." You smiled at him from the couch. When he walked out the door and you heard it close behind him you dropped the book, you needed to shower, and it'd just be easier if Seonghwa was out while you did.

You threw your hair in a bun as to keep it dry, stepping into the running water and washing your body. It was hot against your skin, and you sighed as your body relaxed. You took your time as the water ran over you. The past day had been a whirl-wind of surprises, with all the snow, we were able to call Seonghwa's family with the land line, but other than that there was no reception, No clear way to get home as the snow blocked the roads. The plows hadn't made it through the back roads. It wasn't too awful being stuck with Seonghwa-- if it was anyone other than your bestfriend you think you'd have pulled out all your hair already.  

Though not having your alone time already had you cranky, you sighed, washing your body. Finally feeling clean you shut off the water and stepped out, standing on the small shower mat you looked into the mirror, You allowed your eyes to scan you body decorated with water droplets. You felt-- pretty, as if your insecurities had been washed away, and saw your body for what it was, you. You smiled lightly before grabbing a towel and drying your skin. You left the humid bathroom and went to the bedroom, kneeling in front of your suitcase in hopes of finding something comfortable to wear. Though when you flipped open the lid you saw the crimson lace. You felt heat rush to your cheeks at the thought of why you even packed the scandalous piece of thin fabric. What were you even hoping to accomplish?  

You lifted the lingerie up, you bit your lip lightly, Seonghwa wasn't there it'll be fine if you wore if for a bit. right? You sighed again before you stood, dropping the towel, and letting it pool at your ankles. You pulled on the matching lace set, before looking over yourself in the full length mirror in the bedroom. It fit perfectly, and boy did it make your confidence soar. You felt empowered by your own body, beautiful. Any supposed imperfection, that prompted insecurities in your heart and mind, a mere reminder of how uniquely beautiful you were.

You weren't sure how long you stood there. But your heart stopped when the door was pushed open. Though you didn't yell, you didn't even move to cover yourself. No, you weren't frozen but deep down, you wanted him to see you-- even if you hadn't realized it.

"Hey, Y/n, the roads-" but he stopped mid-sentence when he was welcomed to the sight of you in next to nothing. His eyes seemed to cloud with a dark lust, you held your breath, he stepped closer, the tips of his fingers grabbed at one of the straps. His eyes fleeting over your body once more, as his fingers traced the crimson lace that covered your breast. His intense gaze met yours again when his hand fell away from your chest.

"What are you doing to me?" His voice a low whisper.

"You said you went to check the roads." Your cheeks burned in embarrassment, the way your bestfriends eyes ran over your body, drinking up each curve. It should have made you uncomfortable, but you couldn't help but feel desire creep into your thoughts.

"That was an hour ago."

"Oh." was all you could find in your mind to say. It was silent for a few beats before you decided to speak again, "Seonghwa."

"I need you to let me know if you're uncomfortable, because, I really don't want to hold back right now." You'd never heard Seonghwa sound so sultry before to someone, let alone yourself.

The whine that involuntarily slipped past your lips encouraged him to step forward and entrap your lips with his. It was a searing kiss, he pushed you back against the small desk that was behind you in the small bedroom.

You felt as the red lace of your panties pooled with arousal, your cheeks flushed, wondering how your childhood bestfriend made your body feel so uncontrollably hot, without even so much as a touch to your skin. He hiked you onto the small desk nudging your legs apart with his knee so he could stand between them.

"Was this your plan? Hm? Get me to lose control and fuck you?" His fingers traced your jaw hooking lightly under your chin, forcing your eyes to meet. His eyes held a hard questioning gaze, you tried to shake your head no but he held your chin in place, "Use your words."

"No- no hwa."

"No? You sure darling? You just happened to be wearing this?"

"Yes." Your tone was soft as your confidence, for the first time since you were children, wavered under his gaze.

The corner of his lip quirked up lightly, "Am I making you nervous darling?" His cocky tone oozing from each word.

"Seonghwa-" your voice breathy as you looked up into his eyes, his fingers moved over the wet patch on your red lace panties.

"That needy baby? Hm?" He asked when you whined.

"Please."

"Please what?"

"Make me feel good."

Nothing more needed to be said as his lips were on yours again need and want burning between you. You'd never felt it before, you'd never wanted someone to touch you intimately so badly, especially not Seonghwa. But there was something forbidden about his touch that made your body hot with desire.

He got to his knees before you, his face now parallel with your cunt. He kissed over the thin fabric and your breath shuddered. He thought you looked beautiful, the red lace complimenting your skin tone perfectly.

"God you're perfect." And with that he pushed the barrier of fabric to the side running his tongue through your slick folds. The noises you made only further expressing how needy you really were, it felt wrongfully right. His mouth on you bringing you to the edge quicker than you imagined possible and it was just his tongue, he didn't need anything more to pleasure you.

"S-seonghwa-" your head lulled back in response to the overwhelming pleasure, your eyes squeezing shut, your ears tuning into the wet noises eliciting from between your legs.

Your head snapping back to the man between your legs when he pulled away. You whined with a solid pout on your lips having not finished.

"Not yet." Was all he said, wiping his chin with the back of his hand. He pulled you from the desk, his lips finding yours again as he pushed you back until the backs of your knees hit the edge of the bed. He eased you down onto the plush mattress, your lips never separating.

Removing his clothes you felt his own hot skin against yours. Everything seeming to melt together, the lines of your friendship, your bodies as you pulled eachother closer— feeling your need grow tenfold as his hips grinded down on yours.

Voice breathy in your throat you managed to push his name out, "Seonghwa-"

"Mmm, you sound so pretty saying my name."

"Seonghwa, please." Your voice more stern now, you needed relief from the pulsing between your thighs.

"Begging now, are we?" He smirked as he teased you and you rolled your eyes, "Don't worry darling, I'll make you cum on my cock."

And in that he didn't lie, his lips peppering you neck and collarbones before wrapping around your lace covered nipples. Removing his own clothes eagerly, but he froze.

"Condom-"

"I'm on the pill, Hwa, please don't stop now." The desperation in your voice fueling his own need to be inside you. He craved to feel you warm around him.

Running the head of his cock over you folds caused his breath to catch in his throat, every late-night forbidden fantasy when he laid in his bed alone, dominant hand pumping himself to the thought of you. It was all about to become very real, a shaky moan leaving both your lips as he pressed into you. There was no going back after that, not as you came on him within minutes— no matter how much your head denied your want for him, your body couldn't.

Though when he came, soon after you, he didn't stop. You whined not because it was bad, but because the overstimulation burned in your stomach. It was intoxicating and Seonghwa continued to drill into you. Determination was clear on his face, his lower lip pulled between his teeth. Your eyes met his.

"God, I can't get enough of you." He panted out. Each breath grew sharper as he worked himself to his second consecutive high.

You couldn't speak, your brain was far to hazy, only your moans of pleasure and your thoughts screaming his name. The slapping of skin, over the bed creaking beneath you, and your incessant noises— becoming deafeningly loud.

Though you weren't all too worried about about being too loud. The dense snow covered forest beyond the walls of this cabin hushing it all, "Seonghwa!" Had only been a mere whisper to the trees. What had just happened between you and your bestfriend? You couldnt really say-- and he couldnt either as you both tugged on your clothes again. Neither one of you having any clue how to start the conversation at large. Though Seonghwa's voice finally broke the silence.

"That was-" He paused searching for the right word to use.

"Really good." You finished for him, another lapse of silence passed.

"I'll just- go and start a fire." Seonghwa said before leaving the room.

"I'll make dinner." You spoke quicker than you normally would and rushed off to find solitude in the kitchen. In the privacy of your own minds you thought the same thing, What was that? And why did you want more? Though was there even more to ask for when you'd seemed to have done everything?

The two of you slept separately that night, not wanting to fall into the temptation of the others skin. At least not before you figured everything out. But as you laid alone in the bed, and he in the living room in front of the fire, all that either of you could think of was your bodies pressed snuggly to the others. How it felt to have him inside you, the feeling of his hot lips on your skin. It was loud in your thoughts, and every time you tried to push it down and settle your heart, It only got louder. Sleep did eventually come to you, albeit reluctantly. It was rather short lived, you waking up to Seonghwa shaking you awake.

"They cleared the roads, my mom said we should just head home." You nodded in understanding, before watching his back as he left the room, studying the way he moved. It was effortless, graceful. You shook your head, bringing you back to reality.

By the time you were ready, Seonghwa had already had the car fully packed. You could sense that he was eager to get back home and have time for himself to think, and you didn't blame him because you wanted the same thing. You didn't want to walk on egg shells and give each other the silent treatment any longer. Yes, you wanted to figure it all out and for things to go back to normal between you two. But you couldn't help the instinct to run and hide because the feelings in your heart scared you. You'd grown so comfortable knowing Seonghwa as your bestfriend, that you weren't sure of how to react to that security changing overnight. That, your bestfriend could be more than that of a bestfriend.

.

It was January and the start of the last semester of senior year. A week and a half since you'd slept with you bestfriend. Seonghwa had effectively been avoiding you and you weren't exactly searching for him either, you didn't know how to start that conversation.

'hey, I know we broke every rule in the book between us but, bestfriends still?' You knew it simply wouldn't be that easy. The things he said, the way he touched you, and made you feel. The emotions now a constant linger in your mind.

You couldn't just move on like it were nothing, because it wasn't nothing. Maybe it hadn't been the best idea but you couldn't help but think, that you wanted it again. More of him, if that were even possible. You'd never thought you'd think of Hwa that way, not in a million years. Though you didn't know how to face him. But not seeing and talking to him after being so vulnerable with each other made your heart ache.

It wasn't until he showed up at your door on that rainy Saturday afternoon, that you saw him. Your heart picking up in speed. His wet hair sticking to his forehead, had he always looked this good doing something so simple? Wearing something so simple? You were sure he could hear your heart pounding in your chest.

"We need to talk." He said, almost as if he was trying to convince himself, he continued as he stepped through the door, "I can't- we can't avoid this anymore. I'm sorry, y/n, I shouldn't have came onto you like that, god I should've known this would mess everything up."

"Seonghwa-"

"You were vulnerable and I let my feelings get the better of me," he hung his head, "Y/n I'm so sorry, and you don't have to forgive me."

"Seonghwa, I'm not mad at you." you said quickly so he wouldn't interrupt you again.

"Then why are you avoiding me?"

"Why are you?" You asked softly, trying to convey your thoughts, you sighed, "You're just as scared to face these feelings as I am."

His head snapped up and his eyes found yours for, what seemed to be, the first time since he'd been there. He searched your face for any sign that you weren't serious, he came up empty handed. Had you both been feeling this?

"You-?" His eyes continued to search yours, He had so many questions, When? Why him?

"-Love you." You finished his thought with a whisper, but he heard you loud and clear. His features visibly seemed to soften before he was kissing you again. You had longed for his lips to be on yours again since the moment they left, for you melted so easily into it.

He pulled back resting his forehead on your own, "I love you too." and he delved in for another kiss, before he quickly pulled back again, "Your mom."

His voice a low whisper with a tone of disappointment. But you only chuckled at him.

"She just left for her 72." You told him, and he smiled, already having plans for your alone time.

"Perfect."

You shook your head at his eagerness as he practically dragged you up the stairs to your room, "You know we'll have to tell our parents eventually right?"

"I know," He said, turning to face you once you were both in you bedroom, "But lets just enjoy this alone time." His palms held your cheeks as he kissed you with such passion it felt as if he'd taken your breath away, But you leaned into his warmth anyway before kicking your door shut with your heel.

As the sun slipped beneath the horizon and the rain poured harder outside, he showed you how much he loved you, he told you, and you fully welcomed the lingering emotions. You became his, in the twisted sheets, the loving kisses, in the noises that escaped from your swollen lips, and the baroque, Crimson Lace.