#They are friends and they go on wacky. Nonsensical adventures | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

chrisgraves09 · 1 year ago

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The Return to Freddy’s Rewritten: Prologue

>Prologue: The Beginning

On March 25th of 1942, a secret government hospital facility named the "Gilbert Facility '' was located somewhere in Japan and founded by the Japanese government. The facility was top secret, kept secure with its classified operations, and hidden to the public eye as it was set up to conduct various experiments and research certain topics, including the search for a possible cure to a rare, but severe disease called "super cancer." Many researchers have worked tirelessly to create a cure for the disease, one of them was the brilliant Dr. Gilbert Volendez, the owner and founder of the Gilbert Facility. He researched many methods on how to combat the "super cancer" disease, but couldn't find a way to and was thinking of giving up the search. However in May, he found a way to preserve a person if they're ever diagnosed with the rare disease: They can transfer that person's soul from their original human body into any object or mechanism of their choosing. Most of the scientists weren't sure of Gilbert's decision, thinking of the end result and how it might backfire on them if they choose to go that route. But they decided to go along with it as they're curious on what will happen, making it become the facility's most important project dubbed as the "Save the Kids Project".

The "Save the Kids Project" is an idea proposed by Gilbert to protect children that are diagnosed with "super cancer" by transferring their souls into robotic vessels that are both approachable and friendly. This project was intended to not only provide these kids protection from the deadly disease, but also a chance at a longer life span. To create the robotic vessels, Dr. Volendez and his team of scientists and engineers have begun constructing a machine called "Gilbert's Machine", which is a highly advanced machine where its purpose is to create high-tech robots at a rapid pace. It is a feat of cutting edge technology and engineering that is designed to maintain the robotic vessels so they won't malfunction or cause any issues to the kids' souls transferred in them. While construction of Gilbert's Machine had started, Dr. Volendez thought of a perfect strategy to promote and spread awareness of the "Save the Kids Project" by creating a Japanese cartoon show for both children and adults to watch called "TY-CRAZ-MANIA!" The cartoon follows three main characters named Ty the Red Panda, Koly the Koala, and Sally the Panda as they along with many of their woodland friends go onto wacky and nonsensical adventures while having to stop bad guys that are attempting to destroy their home environment such as the naughty Lil' Franky, the insane Dr. Takaliken, and the nefarious Professor Volendez!

TY-CRAZ-MANIA's launch in late 1942 was met with success and excitement from the public that it became a phenomenon that was popular among kids and grown-ups alike. While the show helped to create awareness and promotion to the "Save the Kids Project", it also provided entertainment and joy to the kids where merchandise became part of the marketing. Ty had quickly become a fan-favourite to children due to his hilarious and lovable personality and many merch of him were sold out from stores. Despite the great success of the cartoon show, Dr. Volendez started to have a lingering concern about the project and its effects on the children's souls. The robotic vessels could become less stable and experience technical issues due to either malfunctions or potential hackers, making them less susceptible. He didn't want this to happen to the kids and wanted them to live on in their organic forms rather than their souls spending an eternity inside a metal body so to address this issue, he and his team of scientists set out to create a proposed antidote that could serve as an alternate method for if the robotic vessel idea backfires and causes any harm to the children.

On January 4th of 1943, Dr. Volendez and the scientists created the antidote codenamed "_RADSLA_" that was meant to be a proposed cure to the "super cancer" disease. They brought in five patients that were diagnosed with the severe disease to the Gilbert Facility to test the antidote and see if it'll be able to combat against it. After testing ended, the results were mixed. One patient was fully cured of "super cancer", but the other four were met with negative side effects after consuming the antidote which featured lightheadedness, itchy throat, infertility, and a strange percentage where immortality is involved. Because of these mixed results, the scientists decided not to further improve on the proposed antidote, not wanting to make anyone else diagnosed with the "super cancer" disease to feel worse. Finally, Gilbert's Machine was fully completed on July 17th of 1945 and construction on the robotic vessels began soon after. In excellent timing, 3 kids named Tobias Walker (Patient #20), Ford Snoverton (Patient #48), and Siara Pluffy (Patient #63) had recently signed up to be Gilbert Facility's first patients to test out having their souls transferred to their robotic vessels. Dr. Volendez and his scientists led the 3 kids into the testing chamber room one at a time and the soul transfer process began. Strapped down to their hospital beds for safety precautions, each child patient is given a special shot that'll knock them out so the soul transference can proceed. Then a metal soul extractor tube is hooked up to each of the patient's hearts and brains, and their energy starts to drain as their soul is transferred to their robotic vessel. The patients' heartbeats slowed down quickly until a flatline was heard. Just as silence fell, making Dr. Volendez fears that this project is a complete failure, one of the robotic vessels awakened and spoke up. The soul transference project is successful and the kids are saved from the "super cancer" disease, having Tobias's soul placed into Ty, Ford's soul placed in Koly, and Siara's soul put into Sally.

However, the "super cancer" disease had become a disastrous outbreak in Japan after the Hiroshima atomic bomb drop occurred in the same year in August. Not only was the disease becoming more common and affecting the habitat, but it had also been affecting people too. Phone doctors were called by thousands of people who struggled going to a hospital and seeing doctors in person due to the outbreak, causing a life-threatening pandemic to be in effect. At the same time this was occuring, Dr. Volendez had unfortunately become ill as he grew older and more sickly. On his final day of living, his son and wife visited him in the public hospital to say their final goodbyes to him before he passed on. Alei Volendez approaches his father's deathbed as he weakly puts his hand on Alei's shoulder. For his final words, Gilbert wanted his son to lead the Gilbert Facility so that he could be there when the infected patients are saved from the disease. Alei, with tears streaming down his face, nodded as he promised that he would take charge at the facility and to keep his father's vision alive. With one last comforting hug, Gilbert sadly passed with the sound of the flatline played in the room, signifying that his heart had stopped beating.

A year has passed ever since Gilbert died, and Alei took the role as the new lead scientist for the Gilbert Facility, keeping his father's wish in mind. On September 20th of 1946, Alei received a strange phone call from an anonymous individual. Their accent sounds very foreign to what Alei is used to and their voice is quite unsettling, as if they were looking for an inside job.

"Hello, and good afternoon, Mr. Volendez, is it? I've heard quite a lot of interesting things about this... machine of yours and what it is capable of. I'll be willing to purchase such a device like that from you. So I ask you, how much are you willing to sell for such a brilliant machine like that? I could give you loads of cash if you cooperate with us," the anonymous caller spoke in a calm voice.

"Sorry sir, but the machine is not up for sale," Alei said in a neutral tone, "The machine is property of the Gilbert Facility and we are not looking to sell it for money. And I would suggest you don't call back again for any offer you have. Thank you and good day." As Alei hung up the phone, he felt an uncomfortable shiver just thinking about the person he was talking to on the phone. He continued to do his work as usual, trying not to think about the unsettling phone call.

------------------------------------------

In the United States of America, the anonymous caller that was hung up by Alei growled as they angrily put the phone down. They got up and called for a meeting with their mafia drug gang.

"Boys, pack your bags. We're going to Japan to grab a special contraption for our work," they told the gang, holding up a special device that would disguise their weapons and metal objects as safe items to avoid any suspicion from any security guards.

The gang members packed their bags and booked a flight at the airport as the head boss of the gang puts on their red trench coat, blue jeans, and white fedora on their head along with a nametag on their trench coat that reads: Alison Bairren.

End of Prologue

#five nights at freddy's #fnaf fangame #the return to freddy's #trtf

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noodleblade · 2 years ago

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Seeing these asks is making me want to see your opinion on TFP Dreadwing. For me he showed that he still held on to the original morals of being a Deception.

ahh haha i hope my answers don't disappoint x__x

First impression: ....I did not care for Dreadwing...he didn't add to the nonsense drama on the Nemesis in his first couple of episodes so I quietly just wrote him off.

Impression now: I like him more than I used to!!! but its still not much? I think he is interesting but the show had much more wacky fella that interested me more. oops. I think I'm just very neutral for him.

Favorite moment: oh 100% its him finding out about Skyquake during Megatron's wacky adventures in Starscream's brain. I think it was also SUCH a good way to bring that plot point up and deliver some tension between the two. I only wished it lasted longer...

Idea for a story: tbh I dont know if I actively have any...maybe one with him acting as a spy for the Autobots when he loses all hope in the actual morals of the Decepticons. I think you are right, he still feels like he is holding onto a moral code that no longer exists for the Decepticons so instead of killing him off, I like the idea of him going rogue. He doesn't like the Autobots either, but he doesn't want the Decepticons to keep going as is. So I like him biting his tongue and watching and saving a recording. Maybe this makes him find some friends without the Autobots with them? I kind of like the idea of him and Ratchet finding a common ground. I feel like they both want similar things: home, peace, security. Could be interesting. idk.

Unpopular opinion: Socially stilted and awkward in a casual setting. He's so serious and so on task that socializing with others comes off awkward and uncomfortable (for both parties).

Favorite relationship: he doesn't really have any in the show, but I like his brief relationship with Megatron. Not for what it is, but as this awkward realization of "oh god, i'm just starscream's replacement"

Favorite headcanon: Like him tinkering around with little knickknacks in his feel time. Also lowkey making little repairs and adjustments to the Nemesis. He can't stay still so he is constantly making things with his hands.

#im so sorry my guy #not tagging so the people that like him dont have to see my bad takes #tenshineko01 #character ask game

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kitchfit · 2 years ago

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Year in Review: Games pt 2

Back to Bildeo Bames! After finishing my big Kingdom Hearts binge, I told myself to cut back on gaming for a while until Tears of the Kingdom came out. That was a huge lie! I love deception and falsehoods :D

Psychonauts

The idea of going inside someone's head to discover an entire universe created from their thoughts and memories has always been a fascinating one for me. I spent a lot of time as a kid imagining what my own or my friends' brain-world would look like and how you might navigate it. So imagine my surprise when I found an entire 3D platformer based around that concept. And for $5 on sale, no less! This had been a cult classic for a long time, but the recent sequel I still need to play elevated it to a higher place in the social conscience.

You play as Raz, a young kid who crashed a training camp in order to become a Psychonaut, people who covertly enter other's minds to extract secrets for the government. At least that's the idea, Raz ends up using his training to help his mind-victims work through their insecurities and psychoses in order to improve their mental health, first focusing on people in his camp, and then on clients in the nearby insane asylum. This isn't just out of a heroic desire to help others, but the easiest way Raz has to save his new camp friends, whose brains have all been cartoonishly sucked out of their ears and placed into jars. This world is so goofy and fun and the premise allows for endless creativity with settings and like. You can write a whole essay on any one of these levels. Damn I need to play the sequel.

The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog

I like Sonic quite a bit. The characters are so expressive and fun and the world is similarly wacky and cool. The lore is an odd mix of typical video-game nonsense and genuinely fascinating tragic backstories. I loved the Sonic X show and Sonic Underground but like. The games... Okay the games are fun, but there's always one thing that ends up giving me a huge headache. Usually the Chaos emeralds. Eventually I'll go back and play through the Origin games and meet the games on their terms, but in the meantime this is the perfect Sonic game for me.

It's just a three hour visual novel written in the style of a murder mystery! It's so cute! Sonic is dead! You spend most of the game as Barry the Quokka, who's name is actually Kitch, a dorky dude in charge of catering on the murder mystery train, thrust suddenly into Amy Rose's birthday party on a quest to figure out the culprit who fake murdered our best blue boy. The game is full of so many adorable designs, fun characterization, and goofy plot tangents that its clear Sega just gave a group of Sonic fans free reign to go crazy over an official project. If you get bored of the visual novel part, its interspersed with random isometric Sonic levels you can plow through pretty quickly. I had a pretty good time with all of it.

Sonic Adventure: DX

In fact I had such a good time with The Murder of Sonic the Hedgehog that I jumped immediately into an actual Sonic game. This was Sonic's first real jump into 3D, and I was always led to believe that jump missed the platform and tumbled into badly rendered, inanimate water. This isn't true! The voice acting is pretty bad at times and the animation gets wonky in places, but like. I am a Kingdom Hearts fan. These are not negatives. It also splits a singular story into multiple perspectives, so you discover more context for what's happening the more characters you play as. That doesn't mean the story is amazing or anything, but the effort is commendable and I love when stories do this.

Each character sits in a different genre of game as well. Sonic himself translates his 2D gameplay pretty well into a 3D setting, which is what most people reference when talking about this game. Tails is more of a direct racing game where you can basically skip most of any level due to the fact he can fly. Knuckles is a treasure hunting game focused on exploration. Amy is a survival horror game where you beat the shit out of robotic pyramid head at the end, and Big the Cat is a fishing game that's pretty fun after you tear all of your hair out. The last story, Gamma, is a rail shooter about one of Eggman's robots developing a conscience after learning it is being powered by a small tormented bird, before going on a rampage against its robotic brethren and self-destructing, freeing them all from Eggman's control. It's surprisingly... pointiate? powniant? *checks watch* poignant dammit. I have an English degree. Anyways robot stories like this always get to me for some reason.

Pokemon Infinite Fusion

There are a few communities where the amount of effort that can go into amateur fan content astounds me. The Pokemon fanbase is one of those communities. Romhacks have been popular in this community for a long time, many of them matching or exceeding some of the professionally made mainline titles, in my opinion, at least. Pokemon Infinite Fusion approaches that line with just the shear volume of fan content present in this game.

Any Pokemon of any stage can be "fused" with another to create a new design. Their typing and stats depend on a fairly simple algorithm, but the designs themselves are created by hundreds of incredibly talented independent artists you can find credited in the Pokedex. You can even import your own design if you wish! Obviously, with the amount of possible combinations, not all of them are artist-created, most procedurally generated, but there are just so many that it boggles my mind. Here are a few of my favorites

[Image I.D. Fusion of Mawile and Electavire created by Sadfrog, it has jumper cables in place of its giant mouths]

[Image I.D. fusion of Cofagrigus and Weavile that resembles Midna from the Zelda series created by King Peggy]

[Image I.D. fusion of Charizard and Aerodactyl created by artist Beespoon]

The game itself is a decent remake of Firered and Leafgreen with a significant post game. I have a couple issues, such as the credits being kind of vague and buried, and the gameplay being glitchy in certain areas, but this game is still being updated, so I'm excited to see what else it will offer in the future.

The Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess

Ocarina of Time is the quintessential Zelda game, Breath of the Wild reinvented the franchise, but this is my first and favorite Zelda game. When I think of Zelda I think of this Hyrule's landscape, this Link's journey. I can talk at length about the perfect structure of this game, the dungeon layouts, the visuals' mix of quirky and grimdark, the fun boss designs, but I can't deny its all washed in nostalgia.

The story is about two people with the rest of their life apparent ahead of them, both cursed and disfigured beyond their imagination and forced into a role they could have never predicted. People say Midna is the greatest "helper" in the franchise, but really she's the hero right alongside our main boy. This isn't Link's story, its both of theirs. And at the end, neither of them can truly return to what they used to be; the curse is dispelled, but the change remains. For Midna this means sacrificing her closest relationship for the good of her kingdom, and for Link this means leaving the town he knew as home. Maybe he's looking for a way to find Midna, maybe he's off on a new, dangerous adventure, maybe he wants to do motion-controlled sharpshooting on Nintendo's cool new console. Regardless of his goal, his adventure changed him in a way that he can no longer live comfortably in the life he grew up in. So he leaves.

The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword HD

When this game came out, the biggest complaint about it were the broken motion-controls. Personally, they always worked fine for me, but I'm glad the switch remake added a new control scheme to make the experience more accessible. Now more people can complain about the actual game rather than the controls! Honestly never really understood why this game was so polarizing, the only big problem I had with the original was Fi's constant interruptions (which were toned down in this version), but Navi did that shit way more frequently and no one marked that as an abject flaw. It's a damn good 3D Zelda with excellent dungeons and a really compelling conflict.

This version of Link and Zelda are one of the only overtly romantic iterations of these characters. A classic childhood friends to lovers dynamic. Zelda is on her quest to restore the power of the goddess and Link is set on supporting her, no matter how painful it might be for him. A cool detail I love in this game is after Zelda seals herself up in the Orange Sap of Eternal Agony or whatever, the lines on Link's face notably lengthen and darken.

[Image I.D. Link at the beginning of Skyward Sword. The lines under his eyes are visible, but indistinct]

[Image I.D. Link towards the end of Skyward Sword, the lines under his eyes are deeper and more apparent.]

It's as if the trauma of his journey has physically aged him. Idk maybe its just a lighting thing I'm reading too far into. I'm glad this Link and Zelda get a happy ending. My only complaint nowadays is learning Nintendo almost made a "hero mode" style extra game where you play through Zelda's adventure! And they took it out! Cowards! You get glimpses of what it would be like in the end credits, like they're taunting you.

The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom

Breath of the Wild might be my favorite game to just exist in. Every inch of Hyrule is so thoroughly laid out; the environments are gorgeous, the movement is fun, there's always something in the distance worth checking out, and the towns are so heavily detailed. You can spend hours even after completing the game 100% just driving around the landscape or studying the textures and wall decor in Kakariko to find some hidden piece of storytelling. In that regard, excited to say the Tears of the Kingdom is the perfect sequel.

I was concerned when it was revealed we were exploring the same Hyrule's map, just a few years later, but they changed things up so thoroughly, exploring the same area doesn't feel like retreading old ground, but seeing how the area evolved. It's familiar, rather than identical. Not only that, but there are now two entirely new maps situated above and below the old one, each with a new, invigorating aesthetic that are so fun and exciting to travel through. Go to the Sky for some awesome Agoraphobia, or travel to the Depths for some cooky Claustrophobia. You will never know how badly I spelled claustrophobia at first.

The story is nowhere near as elegantly written as BotW, and that's fine, it's a sequel, it only needs to add on to the original, and it brought it me Tears (HAH) for entirely different reasons that BotW. The dragon's tears sidequest had genuinely shocked me with the order I collected them, and the endgame boss sequence was just so incredibly peak. On the lore side of things, and how it connects to the larger mythos, this game makes me want to strangle someone, but this is Zelda, I would not have it any other way. Mechanically, I'm never one to push a game to its absolute limit, but this game has so many tools intended for the player to do exactly that, and I'm excited to see what other people come up with.

youtube

Recently, as of writing this, the Youtuber Any Austin put out a video analyzing the woodworking of TotK and BotW, and it might sound goofy, but it got me pumped to return to it in the near future, to just exist in Hyrule for a while longer.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Red Rescue Team Pt 1

This is the first title I'm granting the "pt 1" moniker. Some games have a definitive ending, and then a post-game epilogue that is an entirely new story that I might finish next year. This is a childhood favorite of mine I'm revisiting. The mystery dungeon games have this insane hold over my psyche and always wrench an emotion out of me like no other Pokemon games can. While that didn't change time around, I realized I had a great deal of nostalgia blindness over its story. It's not bad at all, but it plays into a lot of generic adventure story tropes while I remembered it being more unique. In truth, this game was actually my introduction to a lot of those tropes and archetypes, and it pulls them off very well. It occasionally moves into some insane territory, like your cute Pokemon guys are hunted down by a lynch mob at one point.

This game also established a lot of Pokemon identities in my head, and are the reason Mons like Ninetales and Gardevoir are some of my favorites. Its such a comfortable game to go back to, but it will always be outshined by its successor, in my opinion.

Pokemon Mystery Dungeon: Explorers of Skies Pt. 1

No, I didn't misspell that. This is a fanmade improvement hack that adds some quality of life adjustments, like shortcuts for all of your moves, and a bunch of new story sidequests. Most of the story elements are relegated to the post game, so my playthrough was more or less identical to the original. That being said, this is one of my favorite games of all time. The reason I remembered Red Rescue team as having a more in-depth story is because of this game. Upon my umpteenth playthrough of this I can confirm that it is not (just) nostalgia blindness, this is still one of the best video game stories I have ever experienced. You can withdraw all of the elements that make it a Pokemon game and you are still left with a really well written, emotionally driven science fiction story. Wigglytuff and Chatot aren't even Pokemon to me. They're just the chaotic gay couple from this game.

The gameplay is mostly unchanged from the first, with the addition of the lovable 4th generation freaks. The change of focus from rescuing Pokemon to exploring new areas and finding treasure always hooked me and spurred on my imagination as a kid, it captures the sense of wonder really well.

Link to hack: https://hacks.skytemple.org/h/skies

Pikmin

This is probably my most replayed game ever. It's a pretty short game, if you know what you're doing. There was a point where I had the map so consistently memorized I could do a playthrough in my head, lmao. Take that Miyamoto. I pirated your game through MY MIND. YOU WOULDN'T DOWNLOAD A MEMORY.

There's still something magical about the atmosphere in this game that I don't think any of the sequels quite matched. Something about music; the mystery; the sound design; the isolation. It's just one man forced to make friends with these adorable alien freaks to ensure both of their survival. Later entries would focus on the intrigue of exploring what seems to be the ruins of human society from an ants perspective, which has its own appeal, but this game feels most genuinely alien and hostile in the way nature can be, in a beautiful way. I also played this with gamecube controls for the first time in my life man fuck the gamecube controls.

Pikmin 2 pt 1

This game has come under fire in recent years, which I think is goofy as all hell. I heard people call it "the black sheep" of the Pikmin series back when there were only three sheep! And a pygmy goat on the 3DS, I guess. I understand a lot of the criticisms, but this was a dream come true when I first picked it up as a kid. Now you have an endless amount of time to explore the Pikmin Planet to your leisure! You have another dude (he sucks so much I love him)! More little freaks to follow you around! Even more big freaks who want to kill you! I love freaks. I don't know how much time I spent studying through the Piklopedia to understand the wider ecology of this viddy game. It solidified the character of Olimar in my head even moreso than the original.

People hate the caves, (or hated?) but I think that's just because it wasn't like Pikmin 1. There's something to be said about the generic aesthetics dulling down the personality of these dungeons, but it always felt like a suitable expansion of this world. They're bugs! Tons of bugs live underground! Of course that's where they're all hiding. Because of the endless time limit, they did ramp up the difficulty on some of these caves to the bullshit level, which made me want to move on once I paid off the debt. Sorry Louie! I know you like it down there anyways. With the other freaks.

Pikmin 3

I never owned a Wii U, so this game coming out at the peak of my Pikmin hyper fixation was agonizing. I staved off the insanity of not being able to play it by scrolling the fanwiki articles for every new creature it introduced and rewatching the trailer demo over and over again? Huh, I really did that. Finally being able to play it on the switch is fantastic, and I don't have to deal with that stupid gamepad. Sorry, really cool bulky controller with a tiny screen you can't see shit on.

This game is so beautiful. It almost retains the majesty of discovery that the original had. I understand why people often refer to it as the true sequel. It works to strike a balance between the tight survival gameplay of 1 and the explorative aspect of 2 by having your day count tied to the amount of resources you can gather within a day, which also allows the plot to manufacture genuine anxiety when a certain asshole steals all your shit. All that time you spent gathering a buffer against certain starvation for your dudes was worthless unless you can get it back. You can actually lose the game at this point if you aren't on top of things.

I like all the new dudes. They all fit within the pre-established universe very well and contrast nicely against the original trilogy of dudes by being nice and actually liking each other. You just feel bad that Olimar hasn't been living it up with these cool cats all this time, and is instead tormented by his asshole coworkers every waking moment of his life on PNF 404. All three of the coolcats also get original Piklopedia entries from different professional perspectives. All together we get an amateur biologist (Olimar), a cook (Louie), an engineer (Alph), a botanist (Brittany), and a tactician (Charlie). Most of Charlie's are just "can I take this bug in 1v1" and I love him for that.

Cutting this off here for now. Remember how I said I love deceptions? That also went for writing this in a timely fashion. Oh well, one person's Monday night is another's Friday morning. That's how timezones work, I think. Going back to movies next Monday. I don't watch a lot of movies overall, but I have a lot to go through.

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ask-postcrash-curly · 19 days ago

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Honestly, I am also surprised no one has shown you Adventure Time yet! It’s really good and another nostalgia trigger. The show’s premise is, uh… well, Finn Mertens in the last human, and he has a shape-shifting sentient dog as a brother, Jake, because Finn was adopted by Jake’s parents. They go on those wacky, funny adventures at first… and then, it spirals to tragedy. Fern is amongst my favorites, alongside Marceline, Flame Princess, BMO, Finn, Ice King, and Princess Bubblegum. But ESPECIALLY Marceline and Fern — both are just so tragic. No spoilers, though!

Also, Regular Show. That one is very crazy and nonsensical, even more so than Adventure Time. It’s not as much of a nostalgia trigger for me, because… I didn’t like it a lot as a kid. Although, nowadays, Benson is my favorite character. Also, there’s a blue jay as a protagonist! So, Regular Show follows the premise of two twenty-three-years-old guys, Mordecai and Rigby, that are, well, slackers at their job. They and their co-workers have very surreal adventures that sometimes border the end of the world. It’s not my kind of humor, though, I think you’d like it. The Margaret and Mordecai plot IS CRABBING HELL, though!

Anyways, that might be me just being romance-averse. Who knows?

And a little question… this may sound insane, but what do you think of SU’s Jasper? I unironically love her! Why? Uh, that’d be spoilers. She hasn’t shown up much yet, so… I won’t say much, to not spoil.

Also, it’s great that your vision isn’t as damaged as they thought it’d be! And about the psychological exam… Brother, my darling, beloved stardust, not to be mean or anything, but what the stars did you expect? Of course you will be needing PLENTY of psychological help, like, stars! You barely slept, you lost your supposed best friend, you were burnt to a crisp and somehow survived for MONTHS, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg! You were already showing passive suicidal tendencies even BEFORE the crash, for Universe’s sake!

Also, forgot the mention you a little thing… DELTARUNE RELEASED!!! Chapters 3 and 4 are out! I will consider it a belated birthday gift from toby fox. (⁠ﾉ⁠◕⁠ヮ⁠◕⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠*⁠.⁠✧

I am thinking about mullet Isabeau— help me! That jerd/nock is taking over my thoughts because of his friendquest!!! (In Stars and Time has taken hold of all my thoughts, how didja know? … Odile, Isabeau, their friendquests are the ones I relate to the most.)

Also, brother, let me ask you a… question. Do you believe the Universe is kind yet passive (the Universe is, and we are); the Universe is unfeeling and passive (I believe in an Universe that doesn’t care, and people who do); the Universe is unfeeling yet an active participant (the Universe leads, and we follow); or the Universe is kind and active (and the Universe said I love you, because you are love)?

I like to think that we are the Universe, and the Universe is us. I believe it is a lonely kid, because being everything means being the only thing. Sigh, there are so many ideas about the Universe.

Got side-tracked, anyways!— Another music cue because, why not?

https://youtu.be/19y8YTbvri8?si=IWIxe25PA6bsiHog

[Sends with English subtitles! ✧⁠◝⁠(⁠⁰⁠▿⁠⁰⁠)⁠◜⁠✧]

Hope you are okay. Love ya, talk soon!

- Lumi!

Hm? What is that? ...What happened to all the other humans??

You do know I have no idea what you're talking about, yeah? Hahah. I'm glad you like the show, anyways.

Uh. Can't say I'm much of a fan considering all she's done so far is try to kill people and force a fusion. Sorry.

Isn't it just? No, yeah, I expected this, don't worry. Okay, we don't need to recap it all.

Congratulations on your Deltarune?

...I don't think the universe is, uh, awake. Just what makes sense to me.

Again, kinda overstimulating... I thought I saw this one...? Maybe I'm mixing it up.

I'm okay, yeah. And you? Love you, talk soon.

#curlyposting #steven universe #deltarune

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kagayakukagavaku · 2 months ago

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Hello! Welcome to my silly blog! You can call me Kaga :3 I mostly do Ninjago posts but sometimes I post about my cats as well! Here's some facts about me:

I use They/Them pronouns!

I am Agender!

I am Aro Ace!

(I have dyslexia, and sometimes misspell words in my comics. Please ignore my silliness.)

I do not have any other blogs or social media accounts. This is IT. If I ever make one I will edit this section to include them, but tbh I'm just trying to have fun and social media is exhausting, so I don't plan on doing more than maybe make a new blog if that.

Before I break down my blog and things, here is a list of people that should go touch grass instead of following my blog. If any of these sound like you disrespectfully leave: MAGA, Anti LGBTQ+, Racist, Pro Ship, Sexist, & Pro War ARE NOT SUPPORTED AND WILL NOT BE TOLERATED interacting with this blog. You will be immediately blocked.

If I have any suspicions that you are a bot you will be blocked as well.

This blog is SFW!

Do not send questionable asks and/or content to my ask box.

Blog stuff:

Ask Cat Zane!

This is my Crack AU ask series where Jay fucks up and accidentally turns Zane into a cat. Follow their wacky, nonsensical adventures and ask the ninja questions and give them suggestions any time! Sometimes, there will be events where you can ask questions according to a theme!

(Shout out to my bestie @firebreathingfandomfish, co-author of the Cat Zane AU!)

Current Cat Zane event: Teach Cat Zane how to perform human tasks!

Cat Zane comics are posted on the weekends any time on Saturday or Sunday! (I am bad at keeping consistent times lol)

You can find all of the comics by searching #cat zane au or #ask cat zane !

Drawing Requests

I take drawing requests! I will draw Ninjago related stuff or creatures. I do not do commissions, and I simply draw for fun right now so please do not send in crazy requests.

I like to draw Ninjago Screenshots! If you send a request for one, I can almost guarantee that it will be a completed artwork. Just be warned that they will all be furries lol! (Except for the actual furries. They get swapped to humans!)

Other Stuff

On weekdays I just drop whatever I feel like that's related to Ninjago, my cats or I'll reblog stuff. Sometimes I don't even post at all lol. If you want to force my hand, send an ask! I will gladly answer questions and things! (I don't bite!) ((Probably))

I'm currently writing 3 Ninjago AUs (please save me this is too many to be writing at once)

My Ninjago AUs:

Cat Zane AU (obviously) ((crack AU explained above))

The Outcasts of Ninjago: A story following Cole outside of the Ninjago timeline. He's just having a normal life until one day Cloud Kingdom decides to fuck with him. Why? He doesn't know. But those guys HATE him for some reason. Now he is on a quest to try and escape Cloud Kingdoms mayhem and have a normal life again, running into friends and enemies along the way!

Delete: This is my edgy as hell au and honestly I don't know where to begin or how to describe it to you, but I will try. Delete (I'm sorry if someone has used that name for a Ninjago fic already I never checked lol) starts just after Crystalized and the Monastery has finally been fixed... But something in the air just isn't quite right. The ninja have suddenly regained their powers at full force, and no one can figure out where they came from. Meanwhile, Lloyd's power has been depleted. Before they get the chance to properly analyze what's going on, Zane has begun to act more distant and unlike himself.

Idk why but I haven't really posted about my Ninjago AUs??? Except for the Cat Zane AU of course.

Anyways I don't plan on releasing any of them until they have been fully written and have gotten a look over, so it may be a long long time before I release them, however I will gladly talk about them if asked. I will try not to have spoilers.

I think that's it! Thanks for reading my blog intro! I plan to just update this one from time to time so feel free to check back on it! (Don't worry, if the updates are big enough I will just make another blog intro lol)

#my blog #thanks for reading!#i hope you will enjoy #my art #and my silly #cat zane au

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guyhobbsart · 9 months ago

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Week 0: prep work

Over the summer break between our 2nd and 3rd year we were tasked with a little soul searching in finding out the kind of story we would like to tell in our final projects.

i have been a bit mixed throughout the course, while i enjoyed making what i made, i never truly resonated with trying to tell quite serious and emotionally rich stories. the stuff i enjoyed more were the silly and humorous pieces that were a little nonsensical. A lot of the media i consume seems to be of this nature too, finding greater engagement while watching cartoons like adventure time or regular show rather than gritty and serious shows like lost or breaking bad.

During this break i visited a friend in Northern Island for just under 2 weeks. In that time we spent visiting places i really fell in love with how it looked. Very quiet but also lived in and natural, i spent a lot of time wandering around and taking photos of the coastal town (Bangor) in particular. Bangor is a small but very charming town, there was lots to do and see and i absolutely disagree with it being voted the country's 'biggest eyesore' lol.

During this time it really felt like a reset for me, i was going through a hard time and the silly antics we got up to really lifted me up and i knew from then this is a feeling i wanted to replicate in my film. i started this off by doodling some characters, 3 siblings with clear personalities who i could imagine getting up to some wacky things. i also wrote some very basic notes on the story itself and thats where i left it for pre university work.

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graphicpolicy · 1 year ago

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Blue, Barry & Pancakes: Mayhem on Wheels is another fun volume for kids and adults

Blue, Barry & Pancakes: Mayhem on Wheels is another fun volume for kids and adults #comics #comicbooks #graphicnovel #ncbd

Blue, Barry, and Pancakes are best friends! They love roller skates, inflatable rubber ducks, and going on HIGH VELOCITY adventures! After a series of wacky mishaps, Blue, Barry, and Pancakes find themselves inside a Roller Duck Ball stadium. Forced to compete in this nonsensical yet highly popular sport, the gang discovers a natural talent for the game. Soon enough, they find themselves…

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#blue barry & pancakes #blue barry and pancakes mayhem on wheels #daniel rajai abdo #featured #graphic novel #graphic novels #jason linwood patterson #video

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talk-like-boomhauer · 2 years ago

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Alderliefest: A Hilariously Chaotic Journey Through Word Wonderland!

Hey there, folks! Today, we're diving into the wacky world of alderliefest. Now, if you're scratching your head and thinking, 'What in tarnation is alderliefest?', well, don't worry, you're not alone. I mean, seriously, it feels like the brainchild of Boomhauer from 'King of the Hill' himself! Picture this: a linguistically twisted rollercoaster ride where words take a wild and hilarious turn, leaving everyone utterly perplexed. Alderliefest might sound like some kind of foreign delicacy or an ancient mythical creature, but in reality, it's a word that pretty much defies definition! I mean, what the dang-diddly is going on here? It's like trying to wrangle a herd of snails in a lightning storm - a surefire recipe for pure chaos. Alderliefest has its roots in the infinite expanse of imagination, and boy, does it let loose with a fury! Imagine trying to explain the unexplainable or deciphering hieroglyphics without a manual. That's the kind of head-scratching adventure alderliefest takes you on. It's like trying to find your way out of a corn maze with a blindfold on - a true recipe for comedy gold! So, next time you're at a loss for words or need a hefty dose of laughter in your life, just let loose with a hearty 'alderliefest!' You'll be guaranteed some hilarious looks from your friends and a whole lot of puzzled amusement. In a nutshell, alderliefest is a linguistic enigma wrapped in a riddle, surrounded by a whole lot of goofiness. It's a nonsensical wonderland that makes the English language do handstands in clown shoes. So go ahead, embrace the absurdity, and let alderliefest become your favorite word that no one ever understands!

#Comedy #King of the Hill

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tomatograter · 4 years ago

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What are your Thots on jake’s pq route?

I already wrote some about it in this post where I discuss the problem with taking dirkjake as a literal parallel to tavris (Mainly, that it’s inaccurate to both situations and misrepresents the dynamics at play) but it’s been long enough since release that I feel like I can talk about it without that criticism being taken as a personal witch hunt. TL;DR: As a general rule of thumb I don’t cite Jake’s PQ as part of his characterization, and I think basing your Jakewriting on it will only lead you astray.

I liked a lot of the Pesterquest routes and the alphas were among some of my favorites, but I think when you play the four of them in sequence Jake’s really... stands as the odd one out. It’s almost as if he’s afforded way less sympathy from the get go for some indiscernible reason, or like MSPAR took a day to say ‘I can’t stand this kid in particular’ after dealing with waaaaaaaay more mindboggling troll customs or stupid dangerous situations that tested their patience and their limits. When it comes down to it, it’s mostly an issue of framing.

Let’s go with the “Just the Alpha routes” example, because I think that makes the overall context clearer and the response/reactions it gathered (or the lack thereof) easier to understand. The alpha kids were the last 4 Pesterquest episodes. They were also afforded entire volumes just for themselves, which cemented our expectations on “oh, they’re going to really dig into unexplored territory!” and for the most part, that’s what we got! It was really nice to see the internal mechanics of Jane as someone raised within a corporate echochamber, Roxy as a grieving, isolated kid, deprived of all human contact, and Dirk as a nerdy doomsday prepper haunted by private flashes of himself as a supervillain. It all works! Those are things the alpha kids were dealing with on the background of the broader Homestuck story, things we were only hinted at as the *larger* problems played out. It makes you understand their point of view. Except on Jake's route, where nothing about his life seems to be relevant at all?

With Jane we get discussions about HIC and her family, with Roxy beautiful passages about a mother they never met and growing up alone— Same for Dirk, who gets a whole brother zapped from an alternate timeline. But on Jake's route there's not even an expansive dialogue path dedicated to Grandma English, Skaianet, the rebellion, or the giant red ship that came and murdered her in the night and then bombed his house, leaving him trapped inside his only surviving tower. No understanding passage realizing that this kid has had to fend for himself in an island full of Actual Giant Alien Monsters trying to eat him alive, or that he cremated his guardian specifically to avoid attracting predators to the scent of fresh blood drying on her mutilated corpse at the age of an actual toddler. The text refuses to dig into any of the psychological implications or impact an environment like this could have on a kid, which is even weirder when you consider MSPAR has met and helped Vriska get out of a similar situation. The whole thing with Jane in the previous volume has just happened, even, while Jake's particularities go unremarked. He was just supposed to deal with it. And that's because a choice was made to portray all of Jake's problems in this route as sort of... single handedly Dirk's fault? Something he should have Just Dealt with?

There's not even a hint that Jake knows Hal exists. Which is important! Jake can pick out Hal from Dirk based on *verbal cues*, and the fact that he considers Hal a barrier between him and his "real friend" getting to communicate with one another is a whole point of contention (and even comedy) in the story proper. Instead of examining Jake's isolation, or grief, or how he literally locks himself in his room and plasters it with cinematic posters to pretend he's just the main lead of a wacky adventure movie in the face of the immense shitshow outside, we get brobot acting nonsensically and threatening to break into Jake's room to beat him up.

A general reminder on brobot: He was programmed to scout the jungle and deal with predators so Jake could a) Be allowed to safely leave his room (something he simply didn't do before age 13 out of sheer terror, and we know this because dirk and jake talk about it on his birthday conversation, when he first gets brobot) and

b) Learn how to defend himself in the case of a surprise attack, with different combat settings adjusted to his level. The brobot has a novice mode Jake feels patronized by, but pushes him up levels quickly enough. In Homestuck proper, the brobot only enters "stalking mode" after Hal gets pissy with Jake for finding him out, and forcefully switches the setting on to make Jake work for the Uranium inside it. When you take Hal out of the picture, this plotline makes no sense! Jake's route is set way before the Alphas even think of entering the game, so this particular event hasn't even happened. Jake goes on to text Roxy and she turns the stalking setting off remotely anyways, so even if brobot was programmed to murder Jake in his sleep, or jump him inside the safe zone of his room (he's not) he has literally no reason to be acting like that when he's been set to Baby Buff Up Mode.

(Brobot does end up spontaneously pulling himself apart to give Jake his reward after this)

Which brings me to my other problem with the general framing of this volume; the alpha kids don't feel present in Jake's life as friends at all. It's all "romantic options" and "shipping discourse" and MSPAR making these silly logic jumps to justify insisting on this line of query, and all it does is completely flatten out anything of interest having to do with Jake as a Person, to build up an image of Dirk as being suspicious and shady for his volume and more or less come to the conclusion that Jake sucks because he just Cant Choose Who To Date Between All His Friends! And that's why jake is just like tavros… and dirk is just like vriska! Or something.

And just as a reminder, here's Jake talking with Roxy so I don't have to explain why that feels like a weird choice to me. (click to zoom)

And then there's the endings. On the vriska ending, MSPAR just ends up weirdly angry at jake for being such a piss baby and not getting that he's tavros and dirk is vriska so he had to… uh… take all his anger out on this 13 year old alien girl he has never met and teach her a lesson to prepare to do the same on dirk, or something. And on the other ending Jake mentions his pen pal, is zapped to meet jade, they have some non-committal greetings and then a cosplay party where Jake insists that he totally likes Lara croft not because she's a femme fatale and he relates to that, because he's never ever in his life thought of anyone being interested on him. Or Something. He likes Lara croft for normal reasons only. He wears really tiny shorts and does sexy poses because he's not aware at all of how other people find him attractive. He's just too dumb to get this, or the shipping thing, or that he's tavros and Dirk is vriska (who the hell are these people?).

Jake feels like an afterthought in the grand scope of events. Sidelined on his own episode. This volume is busy with rehashing age old fandom arguments that have little to do with his character, because said arguments were started and maintained by bored teens engrossed on fighting online instead of analyzing Homestuck; we introduce vriska for no interesting reason at all (thank god at least Jake has enough decency to say he's not into hitting on 13-year-olds, because that would have been particularly rancid.) And aside from catchphrases and old slang sprinkled liberally into his dialogue like a fog making machine, none of the motivation for the character is there. What does he want? What does he fear? Why does he act like the way he does? What would accommodating him look like? What would helping him look like? We get this on Jane's volume, Roxy's volume, and Dirk's volume. To really heart-wrenching and dramatic results, too. You get to know who they are, where they live, what they want, what they fear, what might help them get better, but Jake is just sort of There. He's a burden. MSPAR either ends this volume berating him for not doing what they want or finding him weird and confusing and like they don't know each other at all, and the fact both of those were marked as dubiously bad ends in the game files speaks for itself, I think.

#jake english #pesterquest #vriska serket #jane crocker #roxy lalonde #dirk strider #meta

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swan2swan · 3 years ago

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Sorry I haven’t been around much, I got sucked into the hyperobsession of Bleach again and have been churning out the orbs in Brave Souls.

Above are the prizes of my account thusfar:

1. Captain Rukia Kuchiki, aka “Mommy Rukia” to the fans. There were a few days where I accidentally locked myself out of/deleted my account, and she (and Daddy Ichigo at the bottom) was the one I was the most upset to lose, because I’d gone so hard into her banner trying to get her. What can I say? She was one of the Biggest Rewards at the end of the whole series...seeing your secondary protagonist make it all the way to THAT rank...and she’s gorgeous. I’ve still barely played her, even though I know she’s OP, but I’m savoring the experience.

2-3: Christmas Ninny and Anniversary Aizen. These two are funny because I was super-happy to pull Ninny just because I appreciated the Burn the Witch Crossover, and it was Christmastime...but then a few months later I realized I had one of the Big Prizes as far as characters go. She does a lot (Potion bonuses especially!) and is Highly Recommended, so that was great. As for AnniAizen, well...I was actually DISAPPOINTED when I pulled him, because I was hoping for Nel...and then I later found out that he’s THE most OP character in the game, and I have thus been using him to farm resources to build up all of my *other* characters ever since. Also, he just looks really cool.

4: Masaki Kurosaki, Ichigo’s mom...I got her RIGHT on Christmas Eve as a Christmas miracle, going too far into her banner in the hopes of getting her. It was a foolish venture and should have been a waste of orbs, but no, I GOT HER, and I would have also missed HER if I hadn’t been able to get my account back.

5. Hiyori is hilarious because at New Year’s they let you choose ten characters and then gave you one of those at random; I chose nine who I REALLY wanted, and then threw in Hiyori for funsies. I wound up getting her, obviously, and the fact that she came fully-maxed meant that she was also able to farm a lot of resources (again...I didn’t know what I’d gotten), but ALSO, I haven’t seen hide nor hair of her in any other form, so the fact that I pulled her means I was REALLY lucky.

6-7: I lost my account for a few days due to my own ineptitude, but it was salvaged...and right away when I came back, I went for a new banner that had Queen Halibel and Queen Nelliel (neither of whom officially hold the title, but...) in it, because Harribel (sic) has always been one of my faves and the prospect of having Extended Adventures with her is one of the reasons why I signed onto the game in the first place...it took months, but finally she was here, along with her best-friend/co-queen/confidante/adviser/bodyguard, Nelliel. And you know what happened? I pulled them both in the exact. Same. Banner. #Wives

8: Harribel may be my favorite Espada and an S-tier character from my perspective, but Apacci has been my Personal Favorite for ages. Young, spunky, fierce, chaotic (and, as I discovered in horror recently, Italian), she was another one of the big draws--in fact, this Swimsuit Skin was the reason why I joined the game in the first place. Not for any weird fansericey ways with body pillows or whatever--she’s much more Daughter Material--but the fact that I saw that her ultimate move was called “BBQ For You” and involves her cooking up a feast for Halibel. THAT got my attention, because that wacky nonsense is EXACTLY what I want to see in video game adaptations.

9. Nelliel again! This one is the Arena Centaur version of hers--her released form, given Extreme Power and meta viability. I also pulled her at the very end of her Arena summons, and learned that you shoudl Just Keep Going...which backfired SPECTACULARLY on an Arena Momo and an Arena Halibel later on (I got Momo eventually, but that particular Halibel eludes me...)

10. Last but CERTAINLY not least: Epilogue, Post-Second-Timeskip, Fully-Grown, “DADDY” Ichigo. From the same banner as Captain Rukia, I managed to score him on my second pull...and despite him being one of the Best Units In the Game, I still haven’t done much with him at all. I’m savoring him, leave me alone!

#bleach #brave souls #bleach brave souls #bbs

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popculturebuffet · 10 months ago

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Pirate Month III: The Pirates! In an Adventure With Whaling! (Comission by WeirdKev27)

Ahoy all you happy people and welcome back to Pirate Month! As we wind it down, it's time once again for our yearly look at Gideon Defoe's pirates series. We started with Aardman's fantastic adaptation of his work, went on to the first book and now where we are at The Pirates! An Adventure with Whaling... or Ahab if your in the US like me... or Moby Dick for the reprint for the 2012 uk reprint.

For those just joining in pirates is a series of comedy novels by british author Gideon Dafoe. The first book, and parts of this one and possibly others but we'll get to that, was adapted into a movie by Aardman Animation. I'd seen that film but now kev has me reading the books as he's a fan too.

Last year I read the pirates first adventure, adventure with scientests where our heroes casued a lot of black comedy deaths, halfheartedly helped Charles Darwin on his adventures, wore dinosaur masks, picked up a new crew member in Jennifer, met a humanpanzie and other nonsense i've likely forgot. I also found out the film was a great adaptation as while it didn't follow the book to the letter it captured the spirit of these books fantastically.

I did have one worrying question in the back of my mind going into the second one: Would the books keep up the momentum or lapse into the formula of "the crew meets and teams up with a historical figure, wackiness ensues" i'm delighted that while that's technically true, Adventures With Whaling ups the ante, tightens the plot and is still gut busting all the while. It's a nice evolution of the series that makes me excited to keep sailing with the other three books eventually. To see what I mean join me under the cut for whale puppetry, mobs of cowboys in las vegas, and severe crippling debt.

So to start us off Adventures with Whaling has a tighter plot. Like Scientists, the plot is largely a loose frame to work jokes in but unlike Scientests, where the pirates really barely cared about Charles Darwin's plight and only needed his money, here the stakes are a lot more personal and are the reason for all the wacky nonsense we know and love.

This time Pirate Captain makes a mistake i'm sure many has and overspends. With the pirate's unamed boat falling to bits their fearless leader Pirate Captain takes the crew to Nantucket, insert your own dirty limerick here, intending to get the boat fixed by Cutlass Liz

Yup to my plesant suprise Cutlass Liz was also in the books, having a bigger role that likely could've come up , and still could come up, in any sequels. I'm seriously hoping now Aardman is on steady ground with netflix we get a sequel. And reading through the jackets of the future books it seems like the pirate of the year compettion is directly taken from Adventures with Napoleon. The Aardman Film simply took a bunch of neat bits and pieces and the basic characters and reconfigured them into it's own mostly original plot about charles darwin badly wanting to get laid. Not something i'm against mind as it worked well and like i've said it gets the spirit of the books down perfectly.

Here instead of just another rival pirate and the object of Pirate Captain's affections for one fantasy sequence, Cutlass Liz is an infamous pirate who runs a boat yard and enters the book killing a pirate who couldn't pay her while terrifying the crew. So naturally.. the Pirate Captain gets into massive debt with her due to a combination of trying to impress her and his oldest foe, Black Belamy.

Yes to my delight Black Belamy is back, having set off the previous book by setting our heroes on Charles Darwin. He's also not voiced by jeremy piven, another well worn plus. He has a bigger role this time out, not only setting off the plot AGAIN, but also coming back twice to bedevil our heroes. He's also one of the few things the film didn't do better as rather than just a broish bully he's the kind of bully who pretneds to be your friend while mocking you and is far more cunning. While he generally just meant to insult pirate captain here, his later two schemes show a nicely petty and manipulative streak.

To start he just mocks the boat Pirate Captain was going to buy and Pirate Captain's own ego does the rest, instead buying the biggest boat possible. Thankfully Bellamy leaves before he gives a bs excuse about his treasure he bragged about to impress Liz but still for some reason agrees to still buy it.

Liz is at least.. sorta forgiving and agrees to give him a few weeks to pay it off .. or else. SO our heroes with low suplies, less money and a threat to cut off the captain's luxioruus beard set off.

This elevates the book as rather than the adventures mostly being disconnected, with the very loose goal of we need money , we have a firmer goal: We need money or we're all gonna die horribly.

It's not the only connecting bit too as while Liz is the looming threat that sets the plot off, well that and Pirate Captains fragile ego but that's the kind of threat you can nevery truly beat, there's another figure we see throughout the first half. While the Pirate Captain is having some drinks he runs into Moby Dick's Captain Ahab. I haven't read moby dick but thankfully this book just really requires you to know he's a grim old man whose leg got bitten by a whale and he's been trying to murder it ever since. Ahab pops up once or twice before becoming the center of the last act. It's small stuff sure but it helps make the silly story feel all the more impactful by the end: tying together these loose bits into one uprorarus set piece

Before we get there we have some smaller set pieces: the pirate captain's old mentor mails him a treasure map... that turns out to be a child's smile.. which they try to grin and bear but throw into the ocean because what the fuck man. I mean.. it's not a bad lesson but come on.

Since that fails the next one and one that made the book jacket is VEGAS BABY. Which I was so excited for and it did not disapoint. It's filled with kitchy landmarks, gambling and naturally our heroes loosing what little money they had left gambling. For once it's not even pirate captain's fault as he warned the crew. He runs into Ahab again who was told the whale was in the casino. And now I just want a version of Ocean's eleven where Ahab is one of danny's crew. I mean.. we're getting Godzilla vs the Great Gatsby and the rest of western literature this year, it's no longer impossible.

The Pirate Captain's real plan and reason for going is simple: Showbusiness! Vegas is all about those big flashy shows and this series has no concept for time or accurate history so the Pirate captain puts ona bit peformance. Antecdotes! Knife Throwing! An Albino Pirate! all the usual stuff.

To my shock given the title isn't adventures in vegas though given my love for vegas set stories I badly wish it was, it works. THey get a decent if not nearly enough pile of money scare a child who dosen't know the albino isn't a ghost, and have the child fead the albino merunge to show he's not threatning. All sentences I just got paid for recapping, all so over the top as not to be offensive

Sadly this dosen't pan out as Black Belamy, the bastard swoops in with a better show and the pirate captain's attempts to have a lymicrk battle with him result in him insulting an audience of cowboys and having to run for their life. A once an adventure staple, but not exactly good.

Our heroes seem to be at a dead end, depressed about their possible death and lack of success on the stage. I love how pettily angry the pirate captain is about how little they appricated his work. Such a good character. He stays largely the same this time, a bit of an ass (the bit about him trying to go into the showers while jennifer there has aged like fine mlik on a sidewalk but thankfully he clearly never got away with anything), an egotistic and a layabout, but a guy who genuinely loves his crew.

Well.. MOST of them. There's one exception introduced this book and he is a delight, the only pirate beyond Captain's #2 pirate with a scarf, the albino pirate and jennifer to really get much of a personality: The Pirate in Red. The Pirate in Red is a sarcastic bastard who freqnuently makes jabs at the Pirate Captain's expense, only stopping when the captain gestures to his cutlass. He's the only one besides pirate with a scarf who seems to have an idea what he's doing and unlike Scarf Pirate, will actually point this out.

While Pirate Captain DEFINTELY wants to kill him he either defintly knows...

Or more likely it's a sign of a change between books: Scientests relied HEAVILY on black comedy, lots of casual murder and death. This is still present in Whaling, Liz's plans ot kill our heroes are repsented by a threatning greeting card reminder and several people still do die, but it's tone down a bit, more in line with the eventual movie. There's still racy jokes, some that work like PIrate Captain not wanting his beard to get hurt as it'll hurt their gay following as he's known as a bit of a bear, and some age like fine milk left inside a monster truck in a hurricane, like the mention of thiland's "Ladyboys". Bleh. But most of the humor has held up perfectly and it's leaning a bit more into the nonsense, while keeping some casual deaths and murder for funsies. IT's a better ballance. I also got a rather large chuckle out of both times the inventory included the acordian pirate who died last book still stuffed and and mounted after his death.

So while Pirate Captain is loathe to agree with Pirate in Red, he finds his suggestion to... do some fucking pirating for a change actually has merrit. We get them boarding a leper boat an da school trip, both jokes that would be used in the movie. Both are pretty funny with the lepers giving them used bits and with the kids after getting what little money they had they just.. hang out. They build frankestines out of the leper parts, which is fucked up but man if I didn't giggle and Pirate Captain dosen't take them with him as they have moms to think about. Awww

Eventually though they find a whaling vessle and Ahab. Once again the rest of the plot is kicked off by a bad bit of piracy.. but it works largely because rather than someone they barely know.. it's a casual aquantince and it's hilariously awkward, with PC having run through his first mate and Ahab being angry as hell. I just love how it comes off as if you ran into a friend while doing something embarassing and having to make that awkward small talk. And invite him to dinner which is also awkard.

It does provide our heroes an out though: Ahab blows up at the pirate captain making a whale with his mashed potatoes, but admits it's more because he's just fucking tired. So he offers bounty: the same 6000 dubloons our heroes need.

So the rest of the book, the bulk of it really is truly an adventure with whaling as our heroes have no clue HOW to actually do this. The schemes are fast, furious, and stupid with having a bunch of pirates pretend to be krill, dangling various pirates off the bow, and naturally loosing a bunch more to sharks, and the Pirate Captain reading his secret romance novel loudly, which the crew naturalyl enjoys but dosen't do anything.

Eventually in a turn I find neat that REALLY ups the stake the Captain gets obsseed: he works everyone harder, then does the unthinkable: his prized ham, which gets mentiond quite a bit gets nailed to the door for the winner.

I like how this emphasises how the crew works; Sure pirate captain's killed a few dozen of them, and is incompitent as hell.. but he makes the ship fun, gives them adventure and does love his crew. He's not a great leader but he's THEIR captain and him taking all that fun away makes them deseprate

So ... because rule of threes.. the turn to the devil himself: Yes Jennifer suggests the impossible: A few of them including her sneak out and ask Black Belamy. I'ts a genius turn I did'nt see coming: we've seen how clever he can be, and it's the exact worst thing.. but our heroes are short on time and actual ideas.

Belamy being his bastardly self is actually.. helpful, wooing jennifer with a dinner and to his credit not being a dick: he clearly IS trying to win her into bed with his fancy dinner, flirting and what not, btu when she just calls him friend and dosen't quite catch onto his intrest, he dosen't force it. It's a bare minimum but Bellamy is such a scoundrel it's neat to find out he has standards. And he agrees to help. Granted it's of course another scheme on his old school chum and arch enemy, but it's more of a solution than our heroes have

I love how Pirate Captain reacts too: he's mildly livid for a second.. but upon it being explained they were all worried about him, he's genuinely touched by their gesture and belamy giving them what seems to be THE whale in 20 minutes.

As I said though it' sonce again another classic Black Belamy prank. Honestly i'll be dispaointed if adventurees with communist doesn't have him pull some half assed con on our heroes at this point that only works because our heroes are a few barnacles short of a hive minded barnacle monster.

He painted a whale from the zoo white... and our heroes just run with it. Yeah for once his half assed scheme actually helps as they had no other plan so "Hope he buys it" is all they got. Pirate Captain naturally has to take it one step further and stupider: have someone puppet the whale from the inside and apologize. On his last fucking nerve with the guy, PC assigns pirate in red for the job.

So our gang plans to have the whale apologize and arrives to a sketpical ahab and cutlas liz for a GLORIOUS climax. I mean it this finale is just so damn good. It starts with Pirate in Red going off script to insult pirate captain who can't just point to his sword as he can't see him, one of my faviorite gags of the book. Lucky for them before Cutlass Liz can understandably kill them, Moby Dick himself shows up and starts destroying their boat thinking i'ts a lady whale. This is also a great callback as that was thier first scheme. So the book climaxes in pirate captain hanging on for dear life as the whale bats him around and destroys his nice new ship while everyone thinks he's a total badass, cumilating in him and his prized ham, which he ran back for while everyone else jumped ship, ending up in the whales blowhole.

With the newfound respect of their creditors and thier debts paid Liz gives the pirates thir old boat back and we get a pretty sweet ending as they all watch clouds as they did at the start of the book.. they didn't really gain MUCh from this adventure.. btu they learned something: don't get into debt to impress women. Also maybe whaling's not for them.

Adventures in Whaling is a perfect sequel: it ups the stakes, ties the plot together way better, ups the jokes nad in general is just a delight. I dont' knokw if I can wait a year for the next one, this one was pretty damn fantastic. Thanks for reading

#the pirates #the pirates!#the pirates! in an adventure with scientists #the pirates! band of misfits #moby dick #captain ahab #pirate month

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vagrantblvrd · 3 years ago

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Talking to a friend who has seen TBoBF (am I doing that right?) and asked for possible take on *spoilery things I’ve had Tumblr gifset-’splained to me:

(Spoilers under the cut I guess???)

Evil Clone.

Luke’s literal Evil Clone.

Because!

In the original Extended Universe Grand Admiral Thrawn worked with/used Joruus C’baoth who was (and insane) clone of the original Jedi Master made by Palpatine.

Because reasons, I guess? It’s been forever since I read the books and am going on memory and what various wikis tell me.

And thanks to Star Wars: Rebels Thrawn exists in canon, so it’s possible Joruus C’baoth exists as well.

Because also in the original EU Luke had at least one (1) canon clone Luuke Skywalker cloned from the hand Luke lost at Cloud City in Empire Strikes Back thanks to Vader, because of course that happened..

(I really loving the naming convention for the clones because Timothy Zahn wrote an non-canon April Fool’s Day short story with yet another Evil Clone of Luke named Luuuke Skywalker that kid!me would absolutely have named him, and anyway, I digress.)

My favorite Nonsense Plot Reasons explanation Luke has been acting the way he has is due to his Evil Clone running around pretending to be him while becoming increasingly erratic due to flaws in the cloning process or whatever it was that drove the clones mad. (I forget the exact reasons.)

The Luke we’ve seen onscreen thus far has been the Evil Clone this whole time (the way he dealt with that last Dark Trooper seemed a little...vindictive to me? Like, he didn’t have to go that far, and yet he did) and Actual Luke is being held captive somewhere while Palpatine or whoever’s evil plan plays out a few years too late.

(Evil Clone grabbing Grogu for an apprentice and gathering the Imperial remants under one banner to crush the New Republic once and for all and other Evil Plot tropes???)

Or maybe Luke’s not being held captive anymore but is not in hiding working at uncovering this whole...cloning nonsense to bring to the New Republic’s attention while also being chased by baddies so it’s funtimes all around for him.

At some point runs into Din who is like >:((((((((((((((( at this asshole Jedi, only to have Luke convince him he’s the real Luke and the two (three, including Grogu) go off on Space Adventures to uncover Evil Clone Plot and clear Luke’s name while also falling in like along the way, because come on, what did you expect out of me?

Or Luke’s off on some wacky Space Adventure right now that brings him in contact with Ezra and the space whales???

(Honestly I need to watch the rest of Rebels at some point because what I’ve read on the wiki sounds amazing.)

Luke, Ezra, and the space whales work together to figure out what the hell is going on and such and Thrawn and Joruus are in there too and because why not, then getting back home just in time to thwart whatever Nefarious Plot is afoot there, and then, idk, shenanigans???

Idk, it’s suuuper daytime drama realm nonsense, and yet not the weirdest thing that’s happened in Star Wars, so.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#star wars nonsense #mandalorian nonsense #dinluke #technically not a fic #vagrant fic #¯\_(ツ)_/¯#spoilers for tbobf #spoilers #no seriously spoilers and other nonsense

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omegatheunknown · 4 years ago

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AEW Double or Nothing 2021

In which the spirit of WCW is alive in confusing and delightful ways and we are left to parse whether overbooking and extracurriculars are offset by having actually very good wrestling happening at the same time.

- Lessons learned from Revolution on the production side? Maybe just cool it on pyro, though the rappelling adventure in the Stadium Stampede showed some of that now-characteristic 'trust us it'll look better on TV' flair. Hot crowd tends to paper over most woes, and the crowd was pretty hot. My one gripe is that the casino theme is hanging around like yesterday's takeout containers. Nothing wrong with clinging to a theme, I just think it's time for season 2. My suggestion? Under the Sea.

*Pre-Card Serena Deeb (C) v Riho for the NWA Women's Championship (***1/2) - Serena Deeb's star has finally risen. She's a remarkably consistent technician and she can get a match out of anyone at this point. She's working at the level of Mercedes Martinez or Madison Eagles at this point, it's amazing that she was overlooked or considered fit only to be a coach for so long. With the NWA belt she has this new swagger, she's basically everything Tessa Blanchard might bring to the table with none of the downsides (Serena has a lot of friends and seems like a lovely person, even!) - Riho's back and here to stay. Her time in Stardom didn't do much for my evaluation of her, which is that there are many better wrestlers that would be better representatives of the joshi style and she's merely pretty good. - The match was very good. Serena showcased a champion's aggression against a sympathetic Riho, they really work well against each other, Deeb's technical prowess against Riho's flexibility led to a very dynamic finish.

*Main Card Hangman Adam Page v Brian Cage (***1/2) - Here the shenanigans start. Brian Cage is on Team Taz, Team Taz has nothing else much to do tonight, so why wouldn't Team Taz flex their muscles, bait us with HOOK, etc? (Because it would be nice to have some variety in the card in terms of a match where one competitor stands across from another competitor?) - Hangman is (checking notes) yeah, still over as fuck, as befits the Anxious Millennial Cowboy. Cage terrifies me, he's a child's drawing of a body builder. He do be very agile for a man of his immense musculature tho. They match up well, Page is biggish for a flyer, Cage loves to play catch. Nothing much to write home about, other than Hangman's beautiful moonsault to the floor and what was overall a very good curtain jerker. - Okay fine, I am curious about Cage's reluctance to lean on the goons, Starks can't come back soon enough.

The Young Bucks v Jon Moxley & Eddie Kingston (***) - I will not be referring to Mox & Eddie as (The) Wild Things because it gives me 'he calls it the wacky line' flashbacks for some reason. - The Bucks have to cheat and abuse Rick Knox's attention span constantly to be on even footing with Mox & Eddie, which is a clever sort of thing that gets washed out by the appearance of LG and Karl Anderson, which again, is cool in a vacuum but was the story of the evening. - Pace was weird - repetitive in eliminating Eddie, then Mox fights back, failed hope spot, Bucks team up, Eddie saves x2/3 in a row. - Mox, unlike Cody (in so many ways,) will probably actually be taking some time off with Renee, which is the kind of thing I would prefer not to know in terms of booking, but they really uh, put him down on the canvas here, and it felt pretty finale-esque.

Casino Battle Royale (n/r, but on the balance pro) - Any changes to the theme of the PPV would likely include changing up the nonsense suit format of these largely joyless slogs. - Obviously anticipating a NJPW talent, or... I dunno, actually -- Lio Rush was a surprise. Got in a quick demonstration of his otherworldly quickness, and you know what, there's probably a fun place for him in AEW. He'll need some friends, of course, feel like Team Taz might fit his temperament. I wonder if he was aware of the Mark Henry news... - Christian does not need to win this kind of match to get a title shot, obviously, but that said it was super lovely to use him to give Jungle Boy the shine. Jungle Boy would be a license to print money if he was even as big as Hangman. - Could register some continued griping about how Penta is not getting his due in AEW but he also literally was dressed as the Joker so I'm low on sympathy on this one particular night.

Anthony Ogogo v Cody Rhodes (*) - I did not like this. It's hard for me to read jingoism as a face move to begin with, and Cody's was egregiously tone deaf and kinda silly yet delivered without a trace of irony because Cody doesn't do irony on purpose, ridiculous neck tattoo aside. - Great argument to be made that Ogogo just isn't experienced enough to be winning matches against Cody. But like, what are we doing here? Cody needs to take some time off, maybe. I thought that's what was happening when he had his mini feud with Penta that really just ended in quick decisive Cody win. I though maybe Cody was being turned when QT and The Factory snapped-- sure, they're a group of impotent player 2s, but Cody is an out of touch elitist with a callous and manipulative streak. Alas, also no. America #1. - Cody is approximately 8 times as tough as Billy Gunn based on his weathering of the one punch man. Match ran a bit long given how little there was to go on. Cody gigged? Quelle surprise. - Cody had the best match on the card like, 3 out of the first 4 AEW events or something, and that was all booking and storytelling. I do hope Cody follows Moxley's lead into a little sabbatical.

Miro (C) v Lance Archer for the TNT Championship (**1/2) - Card's hossiest hoss match, a quick burst reminiscent of a car wreck. Absolutely hit on what it should've hit on but a little slow moving considering it went all of 10 minutes. - I will not complain about Jake the Snake, who I love. And also the gimmick spot, with Miro very astutely yeeting what was definitely a snake in a bag (surely.) back down the tunnel.

Dr Britt Baker, DMD v Hikaru Shida (C) for the AEW Women's Championship (***) - Picked up a lot of steam toward the end but seemed a little toothless (heh) until the last five. - Shida 'deserved' some more time as champion in front of crowds but also it's time to let heel Britt reach her peak, I can't even imagine how obnoxious she can be as the champ, it's going to be great.

Sting & Darby Allin v Ethan Page & Scorpio Sky (***1/2) - Such is the power of STING that I feel like I might be underrating this match... I mean it was an okay match about very simply getting some revenge and the sixty year old man did a very subdued Code Red and a slightly less subdued dive. He's also Sting. They missed an opportunity in calling it the 'Scorpio' Death Drop, but the main takeaway here is you see something like this where it's The Icon and you start to understand why WWE trots out their legends to come out of incredibly still kick ass without bending their knees. - The difference, I guess, is that Sting is absolutely being used to build up Darby Allin, whereas it's not like the fed brought back Goldberg and his attendant aura to pump up... anyone but Goldberg?

Kenny Omega (C) v PAC v Orange Cassidy for the AEW World Championship (****) - Off the top I have to say I'm very sad that the rest of the Galaxy's Greatest Friends were seen only very briefly, nice of them to bring OC's backpack. - Also have to point out that PAC's promo featured one of my favourite jokes, that Kenny must be short for Kenneth as a sort of legal/birth name belonging to a professional wrestler. (See also: Samoa Joseph) - And Mr Cassidy certainly did try in this match, ragdoll sells and all. Kenneth and PAC are absurd talents who bring aerial, power and technical maneuvers in equal measure and OC is not doing any of those on the same level, but he picked his spots, showed his genre savvy and hung in there to the point that he wasn't just the fall guy. - The extracurriculars continue in a match that was already a little overboard for silliness due to asymmetry... I think if you're the Invisible Hand it would've made sense to save up all your tricks for this match, but who am I to question the golden goose? - Sure, Kenny and Don ran the classic heel manager interference spot and taking out the ref in desperation spot but having to take out the ref because PAC wouldn't break the hold is fun, as is the stupid/inspired sense in running the 'smash opponent with the belt' spot four times so as none of your heavy gold prizes feel left out. (I love that AAA Mega Championship, they weren't on TV so we get to see it?) - "Fuck You, Don," indeed.

The Inner Circle v The Pinnacle in 'Stadium Stampede II' (***1/2) - This one had to grow on me for two reasons, first that it's usually pretty unforgivable to co-opt the main event spot from the championship match, and second to law of diminishing returns on dumb gimmick matches. - But grow it did. There's a full on meat locker? Commentary will refer to a cardboard cut-out of Shahid Khan as Tony Khan's father (that's canon now,) and Jericho will lovingly pat it? Konnan happened to be the DJ at whatever night club there is a Jaguar Stadium? Spears surrounds himself dramatically with chairs and his hoisted by his own petard? - Ultimately it comes down to letting Sammy shine. His involvement with the Inner Circle has sometimes come at the cost of being able to showcase that prior to AEW he was an ascendant talent in PWG, on his way to Ricochet level feats of acrobatic excess. Still feel like Sammy could've/should've been the one tossed off the cage a few weeks ago, but even better is being the guy getting the pin in the ring.

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cursewoodrecap · 4 years ago

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Session 22: Five-Dimensional Man-Go

This is a session I’ve been looking forward to for quite some time. I get to introduce three of my favorite characters in the entire campaign.

In the real world it’s been a while, but this was the session we officially welcomed a new chaos goblin player to the table. And damn, am I glad we did.

Valeria goes to Hoeska’s armor smiths for some upgrades, and accidentally kicks off a goth fashion montage. Her new armor has gorgeous black detailing with purple rose accents, accessorized with a brand-new Shusva-skin bag with matching claw clasp. Gral picks up a fancy Shusva-leather cloak and belt. Shoshana, realizing that a vampire’s castle is basically a Hot Topic, gets some fishnet arm warmers to accompany her fang necklace. We also get some healing potions and hope they aren’t made from lost souls or anything.

Valeria resummons Aethis, who pops back into existence in a burst of glitter that’s entirely incongruous with the local grim aesthetic. Apparently celestial gators are only mildly inconvenienced by fatalities.

As we hitch up the horses to get back on the road, we find out Ser Boris is also preparing to head out. “Woods full of many nasty creatures. Must keep hunting! Maybe I find way down to Barroch, I have heard monsters are attacking workers there.”

Gral perks up at the name of his people’s capitol. “I’m sure the orcs will treat you well. What kind of monsters are they dealing with?”

“Wolves, bears, maybe werewolf? I will find out when I get there! Cursebreakers do not have much of working relationship with orcs, so info is scattered. That is why I must investigate!”

While he heads south into orc territory, we’re gonna go north toward Sturmhearst to look into all the Key nonsense Professor Bjork told us is goin’ down. It’ll be a long trip; it’s on the coast, and we’re well into the heartland of the wood. As we get closer, we’re gonna have to look for new maps, too – the patchwork of safe zones and Curse disasters changes rapidly, and the roads that were passable a month ago might be deathtraps today.

We trek for several blessedly uneventful days. One night, in a region where a sizable number of halflings have settled, we have the fortune of seeing an inn on the horizon as night starts to fall. A sign proclaims the Fusilier’s Rest, a combination winery and inn located on a lush vineyard. Valeria’s kind of suspicious of anything too plant-based right now, but the rest of us totally want a winery tour.

We hitch up our wagon next to a post labeled Valet Parking. Aethis parks themself in the stables. Looking at the place, with its rather low doorframe and quaintly painted décor, we suspect Demish wine snootery instead of weird plant cults.

We duck through the door and take in the scene. It’s on the upscale end of totally normal, with locals sitting around eating and a huge pot of Demish onion soup bubbling on the hearth. The old halfling bartender is wearing pieces of a worn but well-cared-for blue-and-gold uniform. Two polished old pistols hang within reach on the wall, along with a pristine old Fusille musket in a place of honor behind the bar. Shiny medals in a handmade case are proudly displayed atop the bar.

As is D&D protocol, we look around for any notably wacky characters. We find them in the corner: an old man with unkempt white hair and multi-lensed, colorful glasses, engrossed in a game of Man-go against a young human doctor. We know he’s a doctor, because he’s got a stubby-beaked Sturmhearst mask pushed up to expose a tired but friendly face. His coat might once have been a lab coat, but it’s since been patched and sutured together so many times that it’s probably done a full ship-of-Theseus. His right arm is in a makeshift sling, and he’s nursing a small glass of Kevan vodka; probably the closest thing they have to rotgut moonshine in a wine-snob place like this.

We’re like, neat. Let’s eat soup.

Valeria orders a local vineyard wine and chats with the bartender about it. “The man who runs it is a madman; he thinks he can grow good wine grapes in Valdia. But he pays my sister well, she does her best.”

“Oh, don’t listen to René, his sister does marvelous work! No halfling will admit that wine grown outside Demionde will be more than spoiled grape juice,” teases one of the local barflies.

Gral asks Valeria who’s winning the Man-go game. The old man is rambling pleasantly, barely paying attention, and he is absolutely crushing the young doctor. The doctor looks like he’s totally aware he’s being taken to the cleaners, but he’s gonna let the old guy have his fun. As the game draws to a close, the younger man smiles ruefully and hands over a few coins. Meanwhile, the old fella, his eyes magnified to mismatched sizes by his funky glasses, spots our most conspicuous party member.

“Kyr! How’s the wine?” he calls, beckoning her over.

“Quite good actually!” Valeria chirps. “Was that the Kiloni maneuver?”

“Yes, or a variant I picked up somewhere! The Killam maneuver…kilometer…kilowatt? Something of the sort.”

Valeria very much wants to play him, and the old guy’s defeated opponent is happy to trade her his spot. The young man’s propped up leg hits the ground with a suspiciously loud clunk as he vacates his chair for her.

The old man peers up at her, bright-eyed even behind multiple layers of glass. “So what brings a Knight of the Rose here?”

“We’re headed to Sturmhearst, actually!”

“I see! I’ve heard the roads between here and there are pretty tricky to travel, you know.”

“No kidding. Do you have an updated map?”

He snaps his fingers. “No, but I just came from there! I’ve got an old map and I can easily update it for you kids. René is on night watch, I’ll leave it with him so you don’t have to stay up waiting for me to finish it. I know a route that’ll get you there lickety-split and safe as trousers! Now let me guess, you played at the clubs in Aurentium? You have the look about you.”

“Not the clubs, precisely…”

“Ah! Street rules, then!”

Valeria, who played Man-go against literally everyone who would have her, shrugs. “Maybe?”

“René, we’ll need some cups and a dumb hat!” the old man calls.

The young doctor wanders over to the bar and gets a refill, settling down next to Shoshana. “Hey, wanna bet on their game? The old guy’s pretty sharp.”

Shoshana laughs. “Oh, my friend is definitely gonna lose. I’ll put a silver on her, though, out of loyalty.”

It’s an odd game to spectate. Valeria falls behind early on; an insight check shows he’s not cheating, he’s just VERY good. Oh, and also Valeria’s assuming an entirely different set of house rules than this guy, and it’s tripping her up. Wait, are we doing street style, or dock style? Anyway, Valeria’s wearing the dumb hat now. At one point they both spit on the board.

“Y’know, I’ve never seen anyone from Sturmhearst take the mask off,” Shoshana says to her new drinking buddy, watching the game with confusion.

“On the clock, it’d be a safety hazard! But off the clock, eh, it’s fine. Some people get more elitist than me about it, I’m a hometown Valdian through and through.”

(You’re from Joisey, I’m from Joisey! What exit?)

“I haven’t actually been to the university since the Curse started, but I’m heading back to research some stuff I found out up in the Grammelsmarsh swamps. Some real disconcerting stuff regarding undead, and the like. The locals refer to it as the Wailing Wight.”

Shoshana gives him a once-over, rolling a decent Perception. He’s scruffy, though that could mostly be from hard travel, and definitely looks like he’s had a rough time of it. His arm’s in a sling and the little exposed skin Shoshana can see has more than its share of nicks and scars. His gait when he walked over was slightly uneven, one leg making a suspiciously heavy thunk against the wooden floor. Over his shoulder, he’s carrying a long, heavy case sealed with tar for waterproofing.

Hold up. She points to the case. “Do you have an alive guy in there?”

“…Uh.”

“You hesitated, and that’s not great.”

“Uh…no. No, I do not have an alive guy in here,” he says awkwardly.

“Okay, because the last time there was a weird bag, there was a whole-ass dude in there, and it turned into a whole thing.”

“N-no, no no no, there’s no person in the case,” he protests, not quite meeting Shoshana’s judgy cat eyes. He definitely doesn’t want anyone to get the wrong idea, even though the case has started gently twitching.

Meanwhile, old Man-Go man has proved himself quite fluent in Draco-Aquilian, though with an unmistakable mammalian accent. Gral butts into the lively conversation when it winds back to Valdian. “It seems like you’re rather well traveled. What is your profession?”

“Oh, y’know, I go here and there. I’ve been around. There’s so much to see out there!”

Valeria smiles. “I can’t fault you there. Anything in particular you’re looking for?

“I go wherever the winds take me, mostly,” he says, as if Cursewood travel isn’t the most dangerous hobby since they invented pyromancer cookoffs.

Valeria, impressively, only loses the game by a little. The old man jovially shakes her hand and promises to go get started on that map to Sturmhearst for us, springing to his feet with surprising deftness for his age and bustling up toward his room.

Gral and Shoshana, meanwhile, are busy makin’ friends with the doctor guy. “What swamp were you fighting undead in?”

“The Grammelsmarsh? It’s downriver of Mornheim.”

“Ohhh! We heard some, uh, adventurers did a purifying ritual on the river. It might help your situation?”

“That’s great, but…I dunno. Once you mix in swamp gas, things get a lot more interesting.”

“The explosions kind of interesting?”

“…Sometimes.”

The players have noticed that our doctor friend here is, like…not an NPC, there’s another guy at the table (the same player as Isadora! :D), so we start sizing each other up as travel companions.

“You seem like a pretty decent guy,” Gral says, immediately insight checking.

“I mean, you guys seem on the up-and-up too?”

Shoshana winks at him. “Well, I’m not that up-and-up but these two are very diplomatic and important.”

“If you’re also headed up to Sturmhearst, it might make sense for us to travel together? I’m not very quiet,” he admits, knocking on his knee with a clang, “but if you-“

“Hello!” Valeria, hearing clanking, has clanked over loudly to join. “Kyr Valeria Argent, at your service!”

“Uh, hi! I’m Vigdor. I’m a doctor! I mean, you knew that, with the, uh-“ He points to his bird mask. “If you need any balms or salves – I mean, I’m mostly a surgeon, but I know some herbology.”

Is that so! We chat about Dr. Ulmus and Dr. Kjeller. Everyone loves Dr Kjeller!

“I’ve heard of Dr. Kjeller! I haven’t met the guy, but he’s the leading expert on troll physiology. Getting him to come lecture hasn’t worked out so far.”

We ask René the innkeeper about any local threats. Apparently this town’s gotten lucky; the biggest threats recently have just been bandits and one overaggressive badger.

“Oh yeah, one of my cats fought one of those, it went badly,” Shoshana remembers. “For the badger, I mean. I have weird cats.”

(The inn also has cat. His name is Jean Clawed.)

Eventually we all head upstairs. As the night bears on, the girls fall asleep, presumably after painting each other’s toe claws and gossiping. Gral’s still awake, practicing his lute in the rare luxury of a single room, when he pauses. Something doesn’t sound right.

Putting his lute aside, he listens cautiously at the window and feels a deep dread grow in his stomach. The faint scent of ozone drifts in the air. The crickets and night birds have gone dead silent, and in the unsettling quiet he can hear the terrible growling, piping sound he’s heard twice before: once in a house in a hole, and once as Bullbreaker’s expedition faced its destruction.

With great urgency and no volume control, Gral sends a Message to a sleeping Shoshana: “RED ALERT, KEY SHIT’S HERE.” Shoshana wakes up and kicks Valeria.

Gral then sends a Message to our new friend Vigdor, more calmly. “If you have weapons, get them now. Something is happening, it’s going to be dangerous.”

The early warning lets Vigdor and Valeria armor up, Shoshana helping Valeria buckle on the heavy pieces in a hurry. Meanwhile, Gral sprints downstairs, casting Mirror Image as he goes.

René the innkeeper is cleaning his fusille with practiced precision, humming an old marching song. Gral can hear something moving in the kitchen behind the old halfling, so he pops another stealthy Message cantrip. “This is the orc from earlier. I think something bad is in the kitchen – I’ve heard that noise before. Hold on tight to that musket, I’m going in.”

“The back door is locked, I would have heard someone come in,” the old soldier whispers back.

“These things don’t use doors,” Gral hisses.

A 17 Persuasion convinces René, who loads a bullet into his musket. “Where are those friends of yours?”

A heavy clank from upstairs answers that question, as Vigdor and Valeria thud toward the stairs. Gral scopes out the room and sees, on the bar, a big leather map case. The map from the Man-Go guy! Then he peers into the kitchen and, yup, that’s a fleshhound, all right.

Everyone else upstairs bursts into the hall just as a second fleshhound emerges into existence next to them. Shoshana, without hesitation, hits it with a gout of flame. Its strange ethereal flesh solidifies for a moment, but then it shakes itself and charges forward, its displacement energy restored.

Meanwhile, the one downstairs doesn’t aim for Gral or René, trying to run past them. Gral plays a discordant note on his lute, using his Minor Key at the opposite frequency to its vibration and preventing it from displacing, before he strikes. A spectral, scarred orc swings a warhammer down on the creature, Thrice-Burned’s ghost getting some payback as Gral’s blade strikes true.

René takes a shot with his musket and crit-fails, understandably freaked out by the writhing mass of teleporting tentacles, the wild shot careening directly into Gral. Luckily, it only pops a Mirror Image, but everyone upstairs hears a frustrated yell of “NO. FRIEND! ME FRIEND!”

Vigdor dashes past Valeria to the stairs, his previously-motionless arm reaching out of its sling to slap her on the armor with a resounding clash of metal. A silver Jotunn rune glows through the cloth of his sleeve, and she feels Protection from Good and Evil snap into place over her. She takes the cue and stabs the hound, rose vines bursting from her trident and stabbing their long thorns into its oddly flickering flesh.

The pupils on the Eyegis snap to the space behind the beast. Our normal eyes see nothing, but the Key-aligned shield’s eyes see a magical gate, faintly connected to the hound.

As a member of the Order of the Rose, Valeria’s trained to deal with fiendish incursions. This isn’t a portal to the Hells, but she thinks it might get closed similarly. As she charges forward to deal with it, everything seems to move twice as fast as it should: the Key’s spatial distortion has made certain areas the opposite of difficult terrain, where you can move double your speed. Nyoom!

Shoshana zaps it with lightning and heads downstairs to help Gral, who’s being slapped by tentacles. The zapped one flees toward the portal, but Valeria Sentinels and stabs it to death. The downstairs hound gets its tentacles into the real Gral.

Vigdor moves to Gral’s aid, ripping away the last of his sling and clamping a large circular blade to his forearm. With the pull of a ripcord, it loudly whirs into motion. As the Buzzing Butcher slams into the displacer hound with a gory squelch, he asks about sneak attack, like a rogue!

A very, very loud rogue.

Gral breaks away from the hound’s tentacles and looks around. Through the windows, more fleshhounds have appeared outside. The space outside is warped – leaving this inn is going to be very difficult while all this nonsense is going on. The lights of the vineyard seem miles away.

However, Gral realizes, the hound responded to the sound of his lute. And when he used his Minor Key he caught a glimpse of the portal it came through. He begins to play again, using the Minor Key to try to take control of it. The GM allows him to burn a 3rd level spell slot for a colossal roll of 33. He moves the portal inside a wall, to temporarily block anything coming through.

René takes a shot at the remaining hound and misses.

Valeria, upstairs, draws her chained sword and spends a 1st level slot to try to close the portal, the same way paladins close Infernal gateways. The chains of Rack extend from the sword and stitch the portal shut.

(Gral and Valeria each gain inspiration for using Portal Trixx!)

A Thing Occurs at initiative 0, and we hear strange piping coming from the stables. We’re kind of occupied, so we trust Aethis to bite anything that bothers the horses.

Shoshana sprints down the stairs and to the bar. Aw, there’s another flesh hound coming in from the kitchen. Her Chill Touch misses, and the new monster slaps Gral.

Vigdor nyooms through a Zoom, which makes some Really Weird doppler effects happen with his clanky leg and his buzzy arm. He slides across the bar like an action hero and slams his saw down, missing the hound and showering the room in a hail of splinters.

Valeria is still upstairs, and it is LOUD downstairs. She’s gonna dash to get the heck down there and rejoin the festivities.

Gral Phantasmal Forces the new fleshhound, and in its mind, horrible liquid tendrils emerge from the soup pot and constrict around it. The soup rises to the defense of the Fusilier’s Rest!

René gets his wits about him and takes a pistol shot at the nearer fleshhound, tagging it with a bullet and keeping it in place. “GET OUT OF MY HOUSE. OUR POLICY IS NO PETS! I will not make an exception for you, you do NOT seem particularly polite!”

The fleshhound grabs the map case off the bar and starts to run for it. René hits it with the butt of his rifle. The second hound can’t attack Vigdor since it’s too busy convincing itself soup isn’t dangerous, so Vigdor’s free to draw his pistol and unload a Sneak Attack bullet into the fleeing hound’s back.

René reloads his musket. It’s been a long time since he’s done it under fire, but the Royal Fusilier Corps of Demionde does not half-ass their training.

The portal the hound’s heading for bisects a wall now, so it might be hard for the hound to get through. Before it can worry about that, though, it comes face to face with Valeria, who’s ready to rumble. She kills it, dropping the map to the ground, and skitters through the Zoomy Zone to try to trident the second hound. It displaces out of the way.

Gral seizes control of another portal, and this time decides to use it to see what’s going on. He tries to hop out to the stables, where that weird noise is coming from. He enters a weird nether space full of the flickering bodies of fleshhounds, writhing and blinking, which the DM calls the Threshold. Gral accepts psychic damage to see what’s going on, and the patterns become clearer as the Key takes hold temporarily in his brain. These portals all connect to each other and the Threshold at the same time. Whatever’s out in the stables, making that eerie piping noise, is tied to the portals – it can’t fully exist in our realm. So if you close all the portals, it’ll force that thing to leave; if you drive it away, the portals will close. Either way, the Key’s influence on this place will fade.

Oh, and that thing out in the stables? It’s the Lurke r again.

Gral’s old enemy wrests control of the portal back from Gral, who stumbles back out into the inn, reeling from the sudden whammy of Key taint.

Shosha shoots lightning at the nearest hound, which retaliates by leaping through her, disrupting her matter with its own. It’s a highly unpleasant experience. A new hound jumps out of the portal next to Valeria. As Vigdor, Shoshana, and René all attack, Gral shuts another portal with his lute’s magic. “Guys, there’s something horrible in the stables!” he shouts. “If we bust enough portals it’ll go away!”

The Lurker continues to make mysterious dice rolls, but apparently it’s rolling poorly, so we don’t quite find out what it’s up to. It peers through one of the last few portals, only visible to Gral and the Eyegis. It’s hard to get a good look at, fifth-dimensional as it is, but it’s weirdly humanoid, actually? It’s surrounded by floating lanterns and holding some sort of pipe or flute.

(The DM notes that Jean Clawed is awake and doesn’t see why any of this is his business. He’s capable of using the portals; he’s not Key tainted, that’s just how cats are.)

We exchange blows with the remaining hounds, Chromatic Orbs flying and chainsaws buzzing. René bayonets a hound to death, for the honor of all NPCs.

Gral powerslides on his knees across the Zoomy Zone, playing a complicated riff, woobling himself right through the fireplace into the kitchen. He spends another level 3 spell slot to get the portal to dance itself shut. “And that was Through the Fire and Flames!”

René reloads his gun. Shoshana blasts the hound with fire, so Vigdor’s action goes off and he chainsaws it to death, the body and spine getting caught in the spinning chain. FATALITY.

The searing light of Shoshana’s fire casts sharp shadows on the walls of the inn, which begin to writhe and re-form, swirling together into a lithe, snarling feline shape that springs toward the Lurker. It pounces with an odd, broken yowl that’s incredibly familiar – although Valeria and Gral have only ever heard it once, from underneath an overturned laundry basket.

Vigdor, who’s never met a flesh-hound OR a cursecat before, makes an arcana check to figure out what in the seven hells is going on. It seems some sort of entity is thinning the barriers between realities? Its very essence seems to be intermingled with portal; it cannot fully leave the portal or exist in this realm. Like a malevolent, sentient pair of curtains.

He’s like okay, curtains sound like something I can chainsaw. It’s curtains for you, see? (Fun fact: if he rolls 21 or higher on attack roll with chainsaw, he gets sneak attack regardless of other circumstances. Because it’s a goddamn CHAINSAW.)

The Lurker turns its attention directly on us, or at least to the enormous hissing cat hellbent on ruining its day. Gral, still strumming furiously, realizes the Lurker’s only got a couple of portals left. He’s closed a portal already; he’s gonna try to close all of them for good. The DM imposes disadvantage and a brutal pile of psychic damage, but Gral is unphased, hitting a power chord that shakes the entire inn.

The Lurker screeches and reaches for him, the space around Gral beginning to warp, but it’s too late, the portal slamming shut against it. The Zoomy Zones vanish; the portals close, the strange atmosphere fades. The road looks to be the size it was before instead of an endless stretch of packed earth; the vineyard is once again an easy ten-minute walk away.

His big solo complete, Gral sways and collapses unconscious. Valeria runs over and Lays On Hands so he doesn’t die, while Vigdor starts casting Mending on the destroyed bar furniture. Shoshana, meanwhile, just stares dumbstruck at the place where a huge spectral cat is dissipating into shadowy smoke.

“…Schmendrick?”

René is holding himself together, but he’s an old man and it’s been a while since he fought this much. He took a bit of damage; Valeria pat pats him some HP. “Thank you, Kyr. I…I need to check on my other guests. The old man with the Man-Go game, we must find out if he lives.”

Valeria accompanies him upstairs. Rack’s glowing rose vines are still visible, stitching the portal shut; it’s healing more quickly than Valeria’s used to seeing. The door to the old man’s room swings open under Valeria’s cautious knock. The bed is unmade but empty, and the old man’s luggage is gone. The only things left are a generous tip on the counter and his odd multicolored glasses.

As Vigdor steps outside to clean viscera off his chainsaw, Gral scopes out the stables. There’s evidence of disturbed earth around the grounds, but nothing conclusive. Aethis seems to be unbothered.

We reconvene without much to show for our investigation. But we have one last clue: Why were the hounds so interested in the old man’s map? We spread it out on one of the bar tables and crowd around. It’s a map of Valdia, but the path it shows us to take to Sturmhearst makes No Sense. It’s not even contiguous! It tells us to start here and wander north, and then the line cuts off next to some scribbled equations, the route picking up again elsewhere, where he’s drawn a symbol we don’t recognize – and so on, in strange and nonsensical disconnected paths.

Shoshana, on a hunch, puts on the multicolored glasses the old man left behind. Like 3D glasses, they reveal the hidden image. Through the kaleidoscopic lenses, she can see remnants of the Key’s influence all around the inn; the fading Zoomy Zones and closing portals light up in ultraviolet. The map, meanwhile, has gained an entirely new dimension, like a layer of holographs. NOW the shortcuts make sense – they route through other dimensions along the z-axis, with additional symbols and labels giving helpful hints.

To be honest, it does look like a much faster route. And one of the notes says it leads to the “Drowned City” – hey, isn’t that where Bullbreaker ended up? But we’re all rightfully wary of hopping right back into another flesh-hound portal disaster.

We now have the Extradimensional Map and the Stranger’s Glasses.

Oh! The map has a note for us: “Happy Journeys to a fellow master of the game. Your friend, T.T.”

We immediately rifle through our notes and realize he may have been Professor Trevor Twombly, Headmaster of Sturmhearst. Vigdor, did you know that guy?!

Vigdor didn’t recognize him. Maybe the guy looked like Twombly, if you squint? There were a lot of old men at Sturmhearst, and they wear masks most of the time? Also he had distracting glasses? So, like…maybe?

As we bicker, Vigdor snags the glasses off the table and heads to his room, opening up his case and taking a look. The lenses don’t reveal anything new about the object inside.

Unfortunately, the poor rogue didn’t bother to stealth. “Whatcha doin’ in here?” says Valeria, who followed shortly behind.

“Um, just looking at my leg, seeing if anything is weird-“

Valeria immediately checks Vigdor’s lower limbs for wounds. “I can help! An extra pair of hands can always-”

“No, no! I think I’m okay! Really!” he protests. He glances into the case again, clearly torn, and sighs. “Let me explain.”

He lifts a whole human leg out of the case, kicking and twitching.

“This is my leg, and I’m taking it to Sturmhearst. I’m not sure if it’s wholly mine anymore.”

Through his torn pants, Valeria can see a clunky clockwork leg to match his buzz-saw arm.

One player immediately yells “FULL METAL ALCHEMIST.” Another player says it again, in a slightly different voice.

Dr. Vigdor Gavril has joined the party!

#the cursewood #session recap #the key #valeria argent #gral omokk'duu #shoshana bat chaya #vigdor gavril #schmendrick #trevor twombly

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