#This is because of a DAD JOKE btw | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

dandylovesturtles · 1 year ago

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@theplacewhereidumpmyinterests I can't talk about most of them because they're part of an AU verse I want to keep secret until I have the first fic that's part of it written, and idk when that will be (by summer?? HOPEFULLY??), but I guess I can talk about the other one because idk if/when I will write a fic for him (I'd like to but like I am only human)

"more AUs Dandy?" LISTEN all I do is sit around and think about "what if"s, okay?

ok so this started as me being like, hm, we see Lou Jitsu with a rotating door of women, so many he doesn't seem to remember all their names, so it's not totally out there to think he might have gotten one of them pregnant, right?

and thus Marcus (middle name Kyle) was born! literally!

so the story for this is, Lou Jitsu had a fling with a woman in the early 90s, pre-Big Mama. they were both in agreement that the whole thing was casual and it didn't last very long, but oopsie-daisy about six weeks after their last night together she finds out she's pregnant.

she debates what to do for a bit, because, as established, Lou Jitsu is kinda a fuckboi and she doesn't really want a relationship with him. But once she decides she's definitely keeping the baby she feels like she can't just not tell him, right? so she tries!

...unfortunately he's dating Big Mama by that point and she interferes to make sure that Lou Jitsu never meets with the woman and never finds out, because she knows this would get in the way of her plans.

she takes never hearing back from LJ as a sign he just isn't interested in the kid and resolves to single-motherhood. which she is the best at, btw.

she's still considering trying to introduce Marcus to his dad at some point, but unfortunately her kid isn't even 5 before Lou Jitsu suddenly goes missing, with his teary fiancée telling a sob story to the cops. assuming, same as everyone else, that he's dead, she lets the whole thing go, though she does tell Marcus who his dad is once he's old enough to understand everything.

Marcus goes through periods of being obsessed with Lou Jitsu, watching all his movies and consuming every piece of media about him that he can find, and periods where he can't stand to even hear the name. it's up and down. from his perspective, LJ abandoned him and his mom, but he's also dead, so it's not like he can have closure on this ever, right? so it's just a thing he has to deal with on his own.

but he's fine! he's alright. he gets through high school, then college, then accepted into vet school just fine.

then... his mom gets sick and dies.

yeah, that's a hard blow.

but he's alright! he has a few buddies from college he still sees now and then, and he's started his zoo vet residency at the Bronx Zoo (with a particularly special interest in reptiles), so lots of new people to meet that way! he's doing great! he's not lonely at all!

(a few months ago, he was suddenly woken up by a surge of something, like dozens of voices were crying out to him for help, tugging him toward something, saying his family needs him...

yeah, no idea what that was about. he doesn't have any family anymore.)

then the sky opens up and aliens come out.

Marcus is at work, because of course aliens would attack at the beginning of his shift. he spends the day ushering survivors into safe zones within the zoo, using his medical knowledge to handle first aid, and just trying to stay sane as the whole world turns upside down.

and then just as suddenly as it all started... it stops.

in the aftermath, everyone around him is just trying to get home, desperately calling their loved ones and praying for the best. Marcus starts trying to figure out how he's going to get home, because the trains definitely aren't running, and as he looks as his phone for a spark of inspiration, he realizes... no one has tried to call him. his coworkers' phones have been going off all day, whenever they can get signal, as loved ones try to reach them, but... he doesn't have anyone trying to reach him. and as he sits there he realizes he doesn't know who he should be calling, either.

so. that's pretty depressing.

and as he's sitting there, thinking about his life and what led him here, in a now empty vet clinic outside the bronx zoo... he hears a noise. and then, voices.

ah great. looters.

at first, Marcus tries to call 911 - but obviously the call center is swamped. so he decides to take care of the problem himself, going to see who's there and get rid of them...

wait, who is he kidding? he's definitely not paid enough to confront potentially armed looters! he's going to get out of here.

but just as he starts to leave, he hears the voices again - coming from one of the surgery rooms this time. and they're talking about IVs... scalpels... anesthesia...

suddenly he realizes that these aren't looters - they're here to try and treat somebody.

and like hell is he going to let some idiot kill someone trying to do DIY surgery.

so he turns back around and bursts into the room... on two humans, a rat that counts as giant even for New York, and four very big, very injured turtles.

one of whom immediately points a gun in his face. to be fair, that's what he thought would happen.

"Donnie!" yells the biggest one, and, oh, they can talk. huh.

"Relax, it's just a tranquilizer!"

"Donatello!" that's the rat. there's a sound like a whip cracking and the one with the gun makes a startled noise and drops it.

now the rat is in front of him. he's looking up at Marcus imploringly. "Do you work here?" he asks.

"Y-yeah. I'm a vet."

the rat bows very politely. "my sons are seriously hurt, and I don't have the supplies to help them at home. I understand it is a lot to ask, but... we must use your supplies. please, if you could just look the other way."

Marcus looks around at the turtles, especially the one on the table, the one worst off. he looks mangled. he won't live long if he isn't properly treated.

a rat, two humans who look like teenagers, and the turtles. who the rat called "sons". now that he's noticing, they're all pretty short, other than the big one. are they also teenagers?

"...Are any of you doctors?" he asks. the littlest one starts to raise a hand, but the girl grabs it and forces it back down.

everyone else has left by now. he's the only doctor here.

alright. guess he's doing this.

"...okay, everyone make some room. let me get sterilized, and I'll see what we're working with here."

and that's how the son Lou Jitsu didn't know he had becomes primary care doctor to his teenage mutant ninja half-brothers. ^^

(and then a bunch of other stuff happens)

#rottmnt #rottmnt oc #I hc that all the boys have their dad's eyes btw #so I had this joke planned where leo is like #hey this guy has our eyes too haha #donnie is like shut up leo you're delirious #he gets close to leo first just because he has to spend a lot of time with him #but he gets close to all of them over time #mikey talking about lou jitsu one day and marcus is like oh wow didn't know kids your age knew LJ #mikey like OF COURSE HE'S THE BEST #Marcus is like well you know I don't tell just everyone this but he's actually my bio dad #Mikey like haha that's so funny because #......................................................................wait #OHMIGOSH!!!!!!!!!#leo: we have to be better prepared for the next one of dad's love children #splinter: there are no more love children??#leo: how do you know you didn't even know about THIS one

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cyrilrambleswhatasurprise · 2 months ago

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#cw cigarettes #tw cigarettes #megaman #heatman #this is a joke #lmao 😭#i dont smoke #but my dad does... so i only know a little bit about the brands #i mostly know marlboro because thats what he gets #psa btw don't smoke thats not good for you

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momowoah · 11 months ago

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Some of the Taylor Kelly takes on this website make me truly convinced that some people just skipped all of her post-s2 scenes bc no she's not like that at all what the hell are you talking about

#this is not aimed at anything specific btw #but like. the bt comparisons are okay when it's about showing how neither couple is endgame #but she's not in any form or shape anything like tmmy bffr #she wouldn't have told buck to “enjoy it while it lasts”. she wouldn't have made the “your dad is alive” comment or joked about it.#because newsflash she actually loved him and cared about him and knew him.#911 #911 abc #taylor kelly #bucktaylor

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mycological-mariner · 11 months ago

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The terrible thing about being into Cornish history is that your historical blorbos don’t even have so much as an etching of what they looked like and also just are not well known At All. I’m just here with Cpt. James Quick’s letters like I’m gonna get emotional reading these again HUH

But also it sucks because his wife’s maiden name is an excellent pun and their first child was born prematurely (side note: while it’s very possible the kid was conceived out of wedlock because the dates are INSANE it doesn’t really matter in any event since they appear to have lived pretty happy lives after the fact), James himself joked about their combined names and the premature baby. Harriet Quick’s maiden name was Dunn. They’re son was Dunn-Quick.

#also just for clarification. Quick wrecked in France in 1810 and was taken as a POW #his letters during this time are something the fuck else #I always get emotional but you know #to be fair they didn’t do too bad for themselves afterwards #two sons became surgeons #though they really did just name their kids James John Harriet (TWICE) and Alice #they ran out of their own names rip #nah but seriously #finding other people who care as much as I do is nigh impossible #:(#when James Dunn-Quick (LOL) was born his dad was in France taking grain over etc and he got so emotional he didn’t want his crew #to see him cry he was so happy #I reiterate my :(#that is a pun I fully approve of btw #and I’m glad they saw the humour in it because if he didn’t joke about his son being Dunn Quick then I’d have been upset lol

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neuvichi-moved · 4 months ago

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i talked abt this on bsky alr but it really pisses me off how some people try to control how other people engage with both fiction and the canon events of bg3

#“ast wouldnt want to be a dad” “gale doesn't want to be a dad” i treat canon as a suggestion #jokes aside i do understand the frustration but qlso like Let People Have Fun #ive changed So Many Things in the canon of every universe i have an oc with so idk #imo its healthier to engage with canon like treating it as a suggestion than to try to follow it strictly #but hey. nothing wrong with trying to follow it either if thats how you wanna have fun #just. dont. be a dick. when people don't engage with canon the same way you do. thats it #let people have fun. its never that deep #greatest example of my Changing rhe canon shit is that EVEY DURGE AND TAV ive ever made are adventuring together even if this wouldn't make #any sense in canon #i wanna have fun!! and the way i like to have fun is playing dolls #if your way of having fun is having an alt verse for every tav/durge or even making the same character for both tav AND durge then yay!#i find it very cool too i just like doing it differently and thats okay :)#will not discuss this with anyone btw if you wanna argue theres a very beautiful wall near me #bg3 is one of the only fandoms im in ive ever seen this and i do think its because you can canonically insert #your own chara into the narrative. im used w making shit from scratch like i have paralive ocs i have one piece ocs i have fairy #tail ocs ffxiv enstars a3 hxh and Many More. many. 200+ more.#idk im ramblin #but it does annoy me a lot when people treat fictional characters like real people that should be always respected and you can never #change how their think idk idk you get the gist #bweeeh #edit but to be VERY CLEAR i am Not talking about 1. people who ignore wyll in favor of the white twink #2. people who make actually harmful changes like that one mod that makes wyll white #im talking abt harmless shit. want to make every man pregnant? go for it! i also want to do that

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thevegetablewhichnoonedaresname · 5 months ago

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I gave up on listening to Magic Tavern in order cause I wanted to hear the Zyxx cast (and some other guests too) and I just need it on the record that the bear grills joke from the bear episode sniped me. I audibly shrieked out of surprise and then immediately felt disappointed in myself, both for reacting so strongly and also for not noticing the setup sooner. good job mr. ford

#(positive btw. top tier groaner. those are my favorite types of joke)#(I like puns that are so bad they make people upset and angry)#(I told my dad one on new year's and it's really hard to get him with one because his sense of humor also sucks)#(and he always either genuinely laughs or courtesy laughs)#(but he did look at me with disappointment and betrayal in his eyes and it was beautiful)#pickle pontificates #magic tavern is fun but I've come to the conclusion that I will enjoy it more in small doses when I'm actually in the mood for it #a) just a liiiiittle too much toilet hunor for my usual taste and b) the main characters are a little too mean to each other #although the cast always seems to be having fun #but! none of the episodes I've skipped to so far have been horribly affected by the skipping #so I think I'm probably in the clear to skip ones I'm not jiving with #or to check out ones with guests I'm interested in (I saw a lot of names while scrolling through)#but back on the episodes with zyxx cast members on them. they were all fun but the evil couple has to be my favorite #so silly and goofy just conceptually and MAN I wonder if they regretted committing to those voices

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awionetka · 9 days ago

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today’s outfit. captain of my childhood best friend’s racing team during the final race of the season

#im the head engineer there. he’s the rising star so when we started out i was the obvious choice. ditched my entrance exams for college just #so I can help him in his dream of winning the Grand Prix. I knew he was great before he even stepped foot on that track. so seeing him #basking in the flashlight of his newfound fame is just bittersweet to me instead. there’s some girl that came along nd now he’s having this #whirlwind romance w someone he met last week but I cannot even bring her up because he’s gotten so protective over her and assumes that I’m #jealous (I am. but both of us are just fools actually. and haven’t realised still tjat we’ve been in love w each other since kindergarten)#we even exchanged some words. eerily similar to wedding vows back when we were like 7 years old. w these rings made of cheap metal nd we’re #now wearing them looped around a chain on our neck bc it’s just an important piece. btw he was forced to take his off by his new almost girl #friend bc she commented on how it makes him look like a widower. so he’s taken it off and I notice #and on the last night before the final race we have this massive fight. nd he tells me he wishes I’d never gotten on his team because all i #do is complain and limit him when he knows he can do great things and I just don’t believe in him. we part ways and the same night I write a #letter of resignation. don’t do anything w it just yet. deciding that no matter what the result of the race is I’ll leave it behind for him #to find. on the day of the race I take my spot. put on the headphones (the ones he put this huge 'best dad ever' sticker on once as a joke)#but refuse to say anything in order not to distract him any further. he’s stressed. angry too nd probably scared. I can hear it in tje way h #is voice shakes when he speaks. suddenly some miscommunication between him and the team causes him to fall behind a couple of places and he #starts calling out to me. and you’d think he’d be angry that I wasn’t speaking up. but no. instead he’s apologetic. almost longing. they’re #trying to talk some sense into him but he’s babbling about how he just needs to see me and then everything will be okay. I’ll know what to d #o. I always do and he only needs to look at me to figure it out. it is then that I speak up. telling him we’re doing a pit stop. he crawls o #ut of the car before anyone can stop him and crushes me in a hug. holding my face in his he kisses my forehead as I try to push him back in #tjat damn CAR. and then……………#do you guys think this sounds like caleb nd mc

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loverofallthingssmart · 5 months ago

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i love telling my dad jokes from tumblr that he's definitely not going to get. i love cementing myself as his little loser daughter

#i told him the because of woke orange joke since its fruit time and im eating oranges rn and it tickled me to see his confused face #i have an unexplainable urge when im home to bother my parents. like genuinely i cant explain but im such a weirdooooo #i love making sounds and jumping around and telling my dad the most useless information during his work hours #its so fun being a bother. likable people don't get like this but im a raised brat through and through #u unlock this behavior at like level 500 of friendship btw. sorry but this is eesha in a comfortable environment but times one million.#i missed posting on tumblr omg....this is so fun

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thetimelordbatgirl · 9 months ago

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Also if anyone is curious, this was me the entire time tonight as the texting between parents and aunty went down:

#i was trying to sleep #didnt work out lmao #i have two hours and so sleep letssss goooo #all because we just asked for money help btw #something dad HATES doing #like no joke he told me he feels ashamed when he has to ask his family #but apparently me and mom are torturing dad and gonna give him a heart attack #bitch the fuck you on about put the wine glass down your clearly drunk #(yes i can say that she drinks alot its well known in my family)

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yvesdoee · 3 months ago

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ˏˋ°•*⁀➷ jujutsu kaisen fic recommendations ( sfw ! ) ft. gojo , geto , nanami , toji

hi ! :) these are my personal recommendations, might contain suggestive content but nothing too explicit. and these are mostly drabbles because it’s hard to find swf oneshots or series, i’m sorry :3 also most of the fics are fluff

╰┈➤ gojo satoru

✧.* the great war ( @satorulovebot ) got me FUCKING SOBBING THIS IS NOT OKAY. don’t read this in a good mood, it will ruin your day ( not in a bad way tho, this is so good, one of my favs on this app, dk why this isn’t popular )

✧.* how to fake date a doctor ( @lostfracturess ) i know there is a really suggestive content(no smut tho), but :( it’s too wonderful

✧.* i know you still think about the times we had ( @/saetoru ) angstyy but happy ending

✧.* we can dip, if you’re ready ( @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat ) unrequited love trope is one of my favorites ….

✧.* yandere!gojo ( @gojoest ) i’m not usually into yandere stuff, but this drabble is really good

✧.* this is home ( ryowritten ) this is rb link because the original blog isn’t available, i’m sorry. but you should definitely read this

✧.* husband!satoru x pregnant!reader ( @sanemistar ) this is soo so sweet ;(

✧.* crybaby ( @suhtorus ) another sweet tooth rotting drabble

✧.* dad!satoru ( @cute-sucker ) aaand another one!

✧.* #needthis ( @kentwos ) this is not the title .. lol

╰┈➤ fushuguro toji

✧.* valentines day ( @lemonlover1110 ) ft. megumi fushiguro ;)

✧.* argument ( @lymtw ) reader is SO ME …… ugh i love hurt/comfort (also read author’s other works please they’re amazing)

✧.* lockedup!fushiguro ( @animamii ) please read this series, this is veryyy good

✧.* bad dream ( @stellawish ) i love love dad!toji

✧.* toji fushiguro is no blind man ( @kissitbttr ) veery suggestive but also very good ;)

✧.* dad!toji drabble ( @kashverse ) this person got a huge amount of fluff drabbles of many characters and their works are freaking amazing

✧.* toji fushiguro had no intentions of getting married again ( @starmapz ) i’m actually rereading it like once in three days no jokes

✧.* olderboyfriend!toji ( @tojibnuy ) i audibly giggled btw

✧.* acts of service ( @levisjinchuriki ) like i said , i love hurt/comfort and this oneshot is amazing

✧.* toji with pregnant wife ( @onehundredelevven ) ughh this is so cute i’m gonna die

✧.* when you caught flowers on the wedding ( @pepperyduck ) it made me want to attend someone's wedding …unfortunately i've never been to one 🥲

✧.* one step forward, two steps back ( @jjk4isen ) this is just cruel.

╰┈➤ nanami kento

✧.* jealous nanami ( @shebrewscoffee ) this is SO nanami i love it

✧.* olderhusband!nanami ( @vampyhvnt ) this is canon actually ….

✧.* evening walks were sacred in the nanami household ( @kashverse )

✧.* nanami is part danish ( @iid-smile ) this is very sweet i’m actually exploded

✧.* his protégé ( @augustinewrites )

✧.* my wife ( @chastiefoul ) you could tell nanami is very married

✧.* heart attack ( @iid-smile )

✧.* disturbed sleep ( @iid-smile )

✧.* nanami bittersweet ( @/creamflix ) i’m sorry this is a rb link too .. and this one HURTS

✧.* the secret wife ( @chuluoyi ) hehe i love this .. you should also read love entries ( gojo ) from this author <3 this is very good

✧.* yuji after anesthesia ( @unabletonotlovesatoru ) this is healing my btw ..

╰┈➤ geto suguru

✧.* the paint doesn’t move the way the light reflects ( @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat ) OOH I LOVE LOVE ROYALTY AU AND THIS IS SO SWEET AND CUTE OMG

✧.* i love you, i love you (kill me in the morning) ( @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat )

✧.* six degrees of separation ( @starmapz ) best geto series imo ….

✧.* i crumble completely when you cry ( @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat ) arctic monkeys mentioned ⁉️ but seriously this is AWESOME also if you want some good geto fics please check this blog and read their works

✧.* i dream, now, of a normal life with you ( @twentyfivemiceinatrenchcoat )

✧.* suguru drabble ( @jjk4isen )

✧.* baby, my baby ( @sugudoe ) this is a smau including geto, gojo and nanami, AND THIS IS SOO AMAZING LIKE OML did i mentioned that i LOVE hurt/comfort ??

✧.* twin dad and teacher geto ( @slttygeto )

✧.* teacher!geto with pregnant wife ( @slttygeto ) teacher suguru ..teacher suguru ….

I DO NOT OWN ANY OF THESE WORKS ! ALL CREDITS TO THE AUTHORS <3

#jujutsu kaisen #jjk #jjk fluff #jujutsu kaisen fluff #jjk angst #jujutsu kaisen angst #gojo satoru #satoru fluff #satoru angst #toji fushiguro #toji fluff #toji angst #nanami kento fluff #nanami kento #nanami kento angst #suguru geto #suguru fluff #suguru angst #fic recommendation

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ladyseidr · 1 year ago

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makes both michael and william car guys ( to varying extents ) -> has to research cars

#☽—— ⸢ ooc ⸥#f n a f /#.tbd.#do i LOOK like i know anything abt cars <- person whose dad was a car guy and YET #anyway yeah this is abt the fic i supposedly didn't wanna write #so yeah i guess the car william passed down to mike was a 1983 el camino because it had to be flashy (william) but not TOO flashy (mike)#and also couldn't be made in 1987 which was SHOCKINGLY difficult to find like you'd be surprised #i wanted it to be p new tho and yeah i know haha 1983 but mike didn't get it THAT year #like we can make jokes abt 1983 1985 AND 1987 let's move on (i'm kidding i'm making the jokes too)#i had a v specific image of the style of the car in my head which def narrowed down options #now i have to deal with the fact that the damn el camino had a BED and not a TRUNK #which honestly william probably loved but why am i making michael tie shit down to essentially a truck bed #also i'm going to be blunt there's no backseat makeout session now HOWEVER. i do like truck beds. car beds? whatever.#am i going to have to write the words 'car bed' in this fic. will i have to describe that this car has a bed???? fucking HELP ME #william and his stupid ass taste and also the fact that michael loves this goddamn car #michael making them go in the most inconvenient fucking vehicle VS jeremy's perfectly fine functional (less cool) car #anyway on another note when i was looking up what the interior looked like for reference #i saw one with a purple interior and laughed out loud #i PROMISE i won't do that to mike. that's just going too far.#i'm already making him strap shit to the back of a car bed i promise he doesn't have to have a purple interior OR exterior #btw yes the whole tying shit down IS going to be a joke in the fic i assure you

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sobbingscripter · 4 months ago

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Tags: [mlw][mdni][established relationship][praise, praise, PRAISE][soft dom jason][mdom][little bit of a daddy kink if you squint][fingering][slight somnophilia][jason speaks spanish btw, not a lot][slightly instructed masturbation][mating press][adoring][scar mention][implied creampie]

It's hard to believe that the hands that were bashing skulls just 30 minutes earlier, are the hands that are cradling your face so sweetly, calloused fingers gently patting sunscreen onto your face, caressing the soft flesh beneath the pads of his thumbs.

Emerald pools meet yours inbetween slow blinks, a warm and barely noticeable smile plastered on his face, dimples digging into those tanned cheeks as Jason lets out a soft breath.

"You're so pretty."

Jason murmurs sweetly, thumbs brushing over the skin beneath your eyes, his knees digging into the mattress on either side of you, thick thighs straining against his cargo pants, fabric tautly tugged as he sets his weight atop your lap.

Pinky fingers resting just below your ear, feeling the steady thump of your pulse as it beats beneath your skin and Jason leans forward, soft lips pressing against your forehead.

"So... So pretty."

He praises softly.

"Jay, are you okay?" You question with a snort, delicate hands lifting to wrap around as much of his wrists as you can, halting his adoring touches as you stare up at him through your lashes, a brow raised in confusion.

"You're a bit more.... Lovey." You add with a hum, soft thumbs brushing along the skin of his wrist, exposed by where his compression shirt had ridden up.

"No reason." Jason hums quietly. "I just saw a bloodstain that reminded me of you, so I ended patrol a little earlier."

"I'm sorry," you scoff, "a bloodstain?"

"Yeah. I hit a guy's head against the wall and it splattered like a heart." Jason reaches into one of the many pockets in his pants, obviously fishing for his phone. "Wanna see?"

"No." You sigh softly. "No, I do not."

It's a quiet type of affection when you're watching old episodes of 'American Dad!', on an outdated but still amazingly efficient Wayne Tech laptop, the device resting on the empty nightstand as Jason cards his thick fingers through your hair. The scent of leather, blood and gunpowder clings to him alongside that distinct scent of Moroccan coffee and the cacophony of smells envelop you as he curls a thick arm around you, his legs entangled with yours.

Your face remains buried in the thickness of the warm flesh of his neck, your body curled up to his chest as you absentmindedly listen, sleepiness and weariness slowly tinging your peripheral vision with blackness.

"You want me to turn it off?"

Jason's voice is soft, so sweet and low, as he shifts against you, looking down at you from long lashes and twinkling emerald eyes stare at your forehead adoringly. Watching the way your baby hairs curl and frame your hairline so prettily.

"No no," you murmur sleepily, "m'listening..." You reassure quietly, staring up at Jason with bleary eyes and fluttering lashes, before burying your face in the expanse of his chest. The action makes his breath hitch, and his fingers twitch with nervousness, because you're nuzzling right at where the autopsy scar bisects his chest.

The raised scar tissue does nothing to deter you from relaxing against him, your breaths even and low.

Every once in a while, a sleepy giggle slips past your lips from particularly crude jokes and comments, and you occasionally peek over your shoulder, eyes flinching at the brightness. Until you look back at Jason, and you nearly coo.

Eyes closed shut, eyelashes reaching his high cheekbones and his expression is pinched into that little frown babies have when they sleep. So angry and adorable, and you card your fingers through his hair, the white tuft earning an extra stroke before you allow yourself to succumb to the sleep, the cartoon continuing to play silently.

A deep breath leaves your nose just as you fall asleep, and the warmth of Jason's body lulls you sweetly, even as his fingers sleepily stroke patterns onto your lower back.

ִֶָ𓂃 ࣪ ִֶָ🐇་༘࿐

"You're so pretty." Jason mutters sleepily, his gaze lowered to where your head rests on his thick bicep, your hips pressed against his as his deep, rumbly voice resonates through your back. Jason feels trickles of drool drip down his arm, pooling on the pillow below but he pays no mind to the liquid, his mind already focused on one thing.

"You're so smart and you're so loving and attentive."

A calloused palm slides down the waistband of your sleeping shorts, stretching the elastic of your panties as two digits drag through your slippery folds and your brows knit into a little frown. Lashes flutter and you tilt your head just enough to meet Jason's gaze.

"Birdie?" You murmur sleepily, swords slurred and you wipe your mouth with one of your hands. "Are you ok— oh..."

Your lips form that pretty 'o' shape that Jason just loves to watch take place, pouty lips glistening with spit and your brows twitch.

"You mind?" He asks softly, his fingers stilling from their ministrations and he leans over you a bit more to keep his eyes on your dimly illuminated face, bleary eyes staring up at him and you shake your head.

"...don't mind.."

Letting out one of those sleepy sighs, you allow Jason to manoeuvre your body, tossing your thigh over the leg tucked beside you, and your thighs are splayed beneath the covers. He continues his motions, fingertips rubbing soft and lazy circles around your clit, feeling the way slick coats his digits and a soft kiss is pressed against your forehead.

It's gentle.

Like you're the most precious thing he's ever touched, the most priceless art piece he's ever laid his eyes on and another kiss is planted against the hollow of your temple.

Fingers gently probe at your slickened slit, his knuckles brushing over your puffy and glossy pussy before gently easing a digit into you and he nearly whines, burying his face in your hair and inhaling the scent of your shampoo.

It's so... Luxurious. He should start using your shampoo more.

Your lips part and hot breaths leave your lips, eyes fluttering open and meeting Jason's gaze.

"You look so pretty..." Jason coos softly, nearly melting as he thrusts his finger into you, feeling the way your gummy walls tug and suck at him, the sticky give of your cunt makes the lewdest squelches that makes his cock twitch in his pants.

"...besitos..." You mutter sleepily, lips pursing and brows twitching as you feel the way his digit prods and rubs against that gooey spot that has you arching your back against the sheets.

"¿Quieres besitos, amor?" Jason questions softly.

He can't help but feel the way his heart thrums whenever you speak to him in Spanish, your words just a bit slurred from sleep but sweet all the same and he leans forward, lips brushing against your own.

"You want me to kiss you?" He teases softly, before pressing his lips against yours. It's sweet, the way his mouth moves against yours, pulling away in small recessions and he swallows the whine you let out when his second finger is nestled sweetly in your cunt and you're throbbing.

"Atta girl, keep taking my fingers."

His thumb continuously flicks and brushes over your slickened bud, the little nub sensitive underneath his fingers as Jason coaxes an orgasm out of you.

Pulling saccharine moans from your lips and watching the way tears gathered on your pretty lashes, your chest heaving and nipples pebbling beneath the fabric of your T-shirt and he hums softly, pressing a kiss against your cheek.

"Good job, baby, good job." He croons to you sweetly, shifting until he's hovering over you and he's peppering soft kisses along your collarbones. And he's gently pulling your panties and shorts off, setting them aside before his hands move to the backs of your thighs, pushing them towards your chest and he watches the way your sticky cum smears across your inner thighs and needy pussy.

And Jason's pushing his sweatpants past his hips, until you place a hand on his lower belly, feeling the way the muscles flex beneath your palm.

"Take... Take off your shirt this time?"

You murmur softly, the light of the laptop bouncing off your pretty irises and you can see the hesitance in Jason's eyes.

"Please?"

You know he's always been a bit nervous about his autopsy scar, the large 'Y' extended across his torso entirely, raised scar tissue pinkened and smooth.

And when you catch the way he anxiously grasps for the edges of his shirt, you reach for the laptop, gently shutting it and the sigh he lets out is audible.

"Thank you, baby." The rustle of fabric fills the air before Jason's bare chest is pressed against you, the fabric of your T-shirt doing nothing to stifle the warmth of his body as he kisses you, his hips slotting between your thighs and his thick cock resting across your mound, ending just below your belly button.

"You think you're ready for me to put it in?" Jason asks softly, his hand reaching down below, his thumb swiping across your clit sweetly and you let out a shaky breath, nodding your head.

"Mhm, I'm ready."

"Can you be a doll and put those pretty legs on my shoulders?" Jason whispers softly, rough hand wrapped around his base as he notches the flushed tip of his cock at your slick hole, tracing along the seam of your cunt as he waits, patiently for you. You shift and readjust, moving your legs to rest on his shoulders and Jason hums.

"That's my sweet girl." He praises you, and the dim lights of the street allows you to watch the way his expression crumples in pleasure, his plump bottom lip caught between his teeth to muffle a whine as he slides his cock into you.

"Fuck, you're so warm." Jason breathes out, brows twitching and his hands move to rest on either side of your head. Hot breaths fan your features and Jason's hips begin to move.

He's not thrusting or pounding.

He's rolling his hips. Hips carved into the slightest bit of chub, thick and scarred thighs on either side of you, sinewy muscles surround you from all sides and Jason groans lowly.

He's stretching your cunt to fit him and the burn is phenomenal, your nails dragging down his back as his rotund tip leaks against your cervix, precum and your cum mixing to form a creamy ring at his base.

It's sweet and perfect.

The way your cunt grips him tightly, the way your lashes flutter shut and Jason leans closer, pressing his lips against yours with a gentleness that seems so uncommon for a man of his size. Of his profession.

"You're perfect." He breathes out. "So fucking perfect."

Bated breaths and murmured praises, kisses planted along the side of your face as his hips occasionally still, just so he can push the ball of his nose against your pulse, feeling the erratic thrum of your blood. And his hips grind into you.

"Nice and slow, yeah?" Jason's hands fist the sheets, your ankles brushing against his ears and occasionally, he plants a kiss against the protruding bones. "Does it feel good?"

And you can only nod, whining under your breath before finding the ability to talk.

"Feels so good..." You breathe out. "Keep fucking me. I—" A gasp nearly shakes you to your core when his fat tip pushes against your cervix in a way that has your thighs shaking, "—'m gonna come..."

Jason nods his head, shifting your body just a bit and he removes your legs from his shoulders, veiny hands wrapping around your ankles as he pushes your legs towards your chest. And he fucks you deeper, grinding against you before he breathes out.

"Play with your pussy for me." He sighs, lashes falling shut as he feels the way your cunt spasms when your fingers swipe over your clit in one of those experimental ways. Clearly, you're not good at masturbation but it's fine.

He'll teach you.

"Circles baby, circles." He guides sweetly. "The circles are gonna feel good while I fuck you."

Jason's lips press a kiss to the sock covered arch of your foot, his eyes laser focused on where you tease your clit, whines and mewls slipping past your lips until you gasp, toes curling and chest heaving.

And your hips twitch when you come, sucking him in with vigor as you soak the sheets beneath you and your hand moves, brushing along the expanse of his scar. And Jason's cock twitches needily, a whimper slipping past his lips before his hips stutter just a bit.

"Don't make me lose my rhythm." He huffs out, a shaky laugh leaving him as the dimples in his cheeks deepen.

You're like if the ocean was a furnace.

Squelchy sounds and lewd sloshy sounds with each buck of his hips and Jason bites his bottom lip as he feels his orgasm slowly build, his skin prickling with goosebumps and his nipples stiffen in a way that he just knows has your ego soaring.

"Shit, 'm gonna come soon." He grumbles, his hand leaving your ankle to card through his hair, pushing the damp strands out of his vision. And before his lips can part to ask where you want it, Jason's body shudders when your hand moves, wrapping around the base of him and he feels the way he gets just a bit lightheaded.

"Don't pull out, okay?"

Taglist:

@jasontoddswhitestreak 🌸

@lucky-beheaded 🌻

@fayethefaerie 🦋

@anesthesia-4rizzle 🎀

@feral010 ✨

@blckbarbiedoll 🌷

@allycat4458 🪻

@custardpuddingprincess ⭐

@couldeatthatgirlforlunch 🦄

@theamazkngskye 🍄

@titchx0 🦆

2K notes · View notes

azulpitlane · 6 months ago

Text

american wedding l ln4

summary: lando dating zak brown's daughter leads to a lot of pr disasters, like getting married in vegas

notes: can be read as a part two to boss' daughter or a stand alone

masterlist

yourusername

liked by landonorris, oscarpiastri and 38,329 others

yourusername wasnt gonna drink tonight but i miss my bf like a mf.

view all comments

user real tbh

user i miss u like a mf. show ur face at a race already queen.

user no cause it's been forever since she went to one and i miss the chaotic content with her and lando

user you know damn well you were gonna drink regardless liked by yourusername

landonorris i miss u more😓 just drop out of uni and come to all my races

zbrownceo excuse me?

landonorris JUST A JOKE! ha ha ha.

user LANDO😭😭

landonorris but i just booked a flight to nyc because of this post btw. see you this weekend😈

yourusername i was about to start crying until i realized what emoji you used😐

oscarpiastri dont we have be at the mtc this weekened??

yourusername SHHHH OSCAH

landonorris yeah oscar shhh

user poor oscar is always getting tag teammed by those two

user lando getting that in-law privilege by skipping important meetings to see his boss' daughter😭

user i love this relationship's dynamic theyre so perfect for each other

f1gossip

23,432 likes

f1gossip Lando and Y/n's Brown's weekend in New York City! It seems Lando skipped his trip to the MTC to be with his girlfriend where they were pictured clubbing and walking around the city multiple times.

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user IN THE CLURB WE ALL FAM

user he finally met his match lol

user lando is a clingy drunk confirmed✅

user i really want to know what their drunk conversations sound like

user hot take but if she wasnt zaks daughter most of you guys would hate her

user shes making him blow off important meetings so he could be with her? she sounds like a distraction from racing

user girl what- her dad is literally the ceo? if there was an issue im sure he wouldve let them know bffr

user zak brown is probably tired of these two😭

user is partying all they do together?

user no cause she lowkey seems like a bad influence

user i agree🫣 shes always posting herself partying and drinking, thats not wag material

user she might be a pr nightmare but i stand with my canceled wife💜

landonorris

liked by yourusername, oscarpiastri and 820,429 others

landonorris nyc to vegas🛩 aaaand i brought the bad influence with

tagged yourusername

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user the caption IM-

user nah hes lowkey dissing y/n haters😭

user how did he bag someone 10x cooler than him

user the bottle of alcohol and the vape, she really is ready for vegas

user Y/N'S BACK!!!

yourusername vegas aint ready for us

landonorris no they arent😈

yourusername enough.

user no hate to the other wags but y/n is truly the realest one out of all of them

user fr she truly is just a normal girl in her twenties

oscarpiastri 🙂

yourusername what is that suppose that mean OSCAH!!! my father will hear of this

oscarpiastri ok calm down draco malfoy

user why is there lowkey beef between y/n and oscar LMFAO

yourusername he hates my swag!!!

oscarpiastri she brings a lotttt of energy to the garage when shes here🙂

user im crying at oscars response😭😭😭 hes had enough of yn and lando

user idk if her holding a bottle of alcohol is appropriate to post!

user pls grow up omg

yourusername

liked by carlossainz55, danielricciardo and 59,329 others

yourusername postt race partoes >>>>>> the avtual race

view all comments

user THEE party girl

user i need to party with them so bad

user lando.jpg when???

user the typos😭 shes already drunk

user yup theres already videos of her and lando drunkly dancing together all over twitter

user yeah and oscar was in the background of those videos looking miserable LMFAOO

user oh to be a wag partying in vegas with lando

yourusername posted a story

user i voted fall to my knees and cry btw…if you even care

user um this is a random question to ask at 3am…

user what stores are even open rn😭😭

oscarpiastri Y/N??? IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOU AND LANDO FOR LIKE A HALF AN HOUR AT THE CLUB AND YOURE NOT EVEN HERE??

oscarpiastri if you guys dont pick up your phones i swear to god…

oscarpiastri of course i get stuck as babysitter to the two most drunk people at the party

yourusername heY oscah😊😊 sendingg u my lpcation now cuz we need a witness so come ASAPPPPPP

oscarpiastri WITNESS FOR WHAT?

danielricciardo if this means what i think it means, youre both so dead🤣

user babes didnt u just post at the club like an hour ago

yourusername

liked by danielricciardo, landonorris and 1,392,321 others

yourusername do u guys thonk my dad will be mad thaT oscar walked me down the aislee?

view all comments

user OH MY GOD??

user mclarens pr team are going to have a rude awakening in the morning😭

user shes never beating the bad influence allegations i fear

user crazy to think that this time last year he was flirting with her through her instagram comments😭

user and now theyre married omg i remember everyone was teasing lando but he truly got the last laugh

carlossainz55 i dont know if i should congralute you guys or be concerned?

user mind you, its almost four in the morning in vegas

danielricciardo getting married is crazy, you should be at the club

yourusername u mak a grrat point! otw now

mclaren we cannot congratulate until the boss says its okay sorry😕

zbrownceo answer your phone.

oscarpiastri sir, i would like it to be known that she blackmailed to be there

yourusername okay snitch!

zbrownceo im not kidding y/n

danielricciardo ouuu youre in trouble

user its so over for them

user zak finally putting his foot down with these two LMFAO

f1gossip

25,532 likes

f1gossip Wedding celebrations at the club! Seems like the newlyweds are back partying after their wedding announcement was made just a few minutes ago. Congrats to them?

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user everyone is freaking out and theyre literally at the club im cryingg

user "congrats to them?" is literally all of us rn😭

user they are not real omg

user zak is probably blowing up their phones and they do not care at all lmfaooo

user truly winning the idgaf war

user real question is are they getting an annulment once they sober up???

user i really wanna know what zak will make them do

f1gossip

20,329 likes

f1gossip Newly weds update! The two were seen this afternoon leaving Las Vegas with Zak Brown himself. Neither were seen wearing wedding rings, possible divorce?

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user well that was fun while it lasted

user damn they beat kim kardashians record of the shortest marriage

user at least theyre still dating😭

user they definitely got yelled at lmfaoo

user cant tell if zak is happy or angry that his daughter married norris considering how much he loves him

user oh hes def happy about it but not happy they posted it LOL

user good for him for getting an annulment. shes a mess

user and hes not? bye theyre both messy

landonorris 📍qatar

liked by carlossainz55, yourusername and 2,424,232 others

landonorris annulment? we're in our honeymoon

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user oh so theyre fr about this marriage😭

user does bro know theres a race on sunday

user they look so in love im honestly really happy for them

yourusername we beat the fraud marriage allegations💜

mclaren now thats its been approved by the boss, congratulations to the best papaya couple theres ever been🧡

user wow so zak approves! im shocked tbh

user i wish i couldve seen their reactions the morning after the wedding

yourusername ohhh we didnt remember any of it tbh but were happy now!

user LMFAO OMG....

user she finally got her ring!! and here you guys were thinking they got a divorce bc she didnt have one

danielricciardo never thought id see the day

yourusername me neither tbh

landonorris excuse me WHAT

landoupdates

50,242 likes

landoupdates Lando was questioned on his Vegas wedding in new interview.

"We decided not to get any annulment or anything and just keep this Vegas marriage as sort of like a promise for a real one in the future." 🧡

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user omg😭😭they are too cute

user not to be dramatic but i would honestly cried if they broke up

user no literally they mean everything to me

user "i really do think y/n is the one" DO YOU HEAR ME SOBBING

user he gets so smiley when y/n is brought up ughhh me and WHO

user and to think y/n has haters is crazyyy this man is so in love with her

user if oscar isnt the best man ill riot for him, he was there for the og wedding

user imagining them trying to convince zak to not get a divorce is the cutest but funniest thing ever

more notes: has anyone seen anora?? it inspired this haha A FRAUD MARRIAGE!!!

#lando norris x reader #f1 x reader #lando norris #lando norris fanfic #lando norris imagine #lando norris smau #lando norris x y/n #lando norris x you #ln4 #f1 fanfic

2K notes · View notes