#This update is ridiculously old and I'm sorry

[littlejuicebox]

Puppy love.

Idk how this has become an almost nightly update, but I swear I have so many ideas for this little family, it's ridiculous.

Sorry for all the Dadstarion spam to the peeps that aren't into it. I promise I'm going to pivot now. I have to edit MWC and I'm aiming to get it up this weekend or early next week.

Tags/Warnings: all fluff, Dadstarion, parenting, babies, mentions of pregnancy, mentions of animal death, idk what else but comment if you see anything

Summary: Three year old Gale finds a dog in the orchard, but there’s something curious about this interaction. Astarion is struggling with parenthood in the face of his child’s growing understanding of the world.

Word count: 1800

*

Astarion had, against his own wishes, been required to participate much more in this year’s orchard harvest than in years previous. Your swollen stomach certainly got in the way of performing too much manual labor and you’d enlisted your husband’s help for the more difficult parts. 

“Darling, this is really more your thing.” Astarion sighs, crossing his arms as he assesses your pout. You’d just asked him to climb the ladder and pick apples from the taller parts of the trees.

“My love, I know you are such a wonderful father and husband that you wouldn’t dare say no to the mother of your children when she asks for help while she is currently incubating two of your precious offspring.” You respond sweetly, batting your eyelashes at your husband, “Unless you’re suggesting I should climb onto the ladder in my heavily encumbered state, dear?” 

“I hate you.” He responds with a huff and a quick roll of his eyes while trudging toward the ladder.

“No, you don’t.” You call after him before nestling yourself into the picnic blanket with Gale. The silver-haired boy was playing with a set of wooden ducks that had been whittled for him by Halsin, simply ‘quack quack quacking’ as he took a break from his part of the harvest. His little fingers were stained red by the cranberries he’d helped you pick.

Astarion reluctantly picked apples from a handful of trees before he gave up and settled down beside the two of you, insisting he would simply hire people to complete the rest of the harvest.

“I’m far too hungry to continue, love,” He complained before delving into the picnic basket and pulling out lunch.

Your stomach growls in response to the smell of food carrying in the autumn breeze. Fine, he was right, it was far too much work for two adults and a three year old.

As you eat, you watch Gale attempt more than once to bite into an oversized apple his father had picked from the orchard. The child had the item cupped in both his hands, and he kept opening his mouth far too wide, sinking only his incisors into the fruit’s thin flesh.

You stifle a giggle as he bites down and sends the McIntosh flying from his tiny fingers onto the checkered picnic blanket.

“Gale, darling, perhaps you should ask daddy to cut that,” You suggest as you finish the last few bites of Astarion’s sandwich. You’d instantly devoured your meal; the twins kept you ravenous. Your husband offered half of his own to you with a peck to your temple and gentle brush of his fingers along your rapidly growing stomach.

The elf might be exceptionally self-serving when it came to his interactions with the rest of the world, but he’d always been particularly self-sacrificing for his little love.

Gale grunts dramatically as he bends to retrieve his food and then turns to look at his father. Astarion lifts his eyes from his book to acknowledge the boy with a quirked eyebrow.

“Daddy, I want the knife for I can cut this,” he says, eagerly holding out one of his hands, hoping his father will let him use the dagger.

“I think we have a few more years before you’re using blades, little prince,” Astarion responds while snapping his book shut. Then he reaches into the picnic basket to retrieve your old sussur dagger before wiggling his fingers, beckoning for the apple.

Gale groans, disappointed that he can’t hold the knife, but obliges and hands the McIntosh to his father. A few quick cuts later and Astarion is placing the sliced wedges of fruit down in front of the silver-haired boy.

“What do you say, Gale?” You prompt as the child begins eating the fruit.

“Thank you, daddy!” The three year old responds through a mouthful of apple.

Astarion ruffles the little boy’s curls, “You’re welcome, little prince.” 

A soft whine comes from a few trees away, and Gale’s head lifts from his lunch to search for the source of the sound. His curious green eyes scan the orchard.

“A doggy!” He exclaims, immediately dropping his apple slice and moving to run toward the floppy eared mutt.

But Astarion snatches his son’s hand, halting him, “Gale, you can’t just go running after—“

“Come here, puppy!” Gale calls, ignoring his father. The dog immediately obeys, running toward the child with a wagging tail and lolling tongue.

You chuckle as Astarion wrinkles his nose in displeasure, protectively pulling his son back onto the picnic blanket and eyeing the animal suspiciously. 

“It’s just a lost puppy, Astarion.” You murmur, watching the mutt closely as it slows its approach, cocking its head slightly in curiosity. It doesn’t appear to be past adolescence.

The dog whines again, its brown eyes focused on the little boy. 

“She say she is hungry!” Gale exclaims before he crouches down to grab an apple slice, “Here, puppy!”

He attempts to toss the fruit to the dog, but doesn’t manage to get it quite far enough. The floppy eared creature slowly steps forward and takes the offering, watching your family cautiously.

Another whine comes from the puppy after it finishes the apple slice, and Gale crinkles his white eyebrows while turning to look at his father. 

“Papa, she say her mommy is hurt!” He explains, lifting a small finger to point to the back of the orchard, “Over there!”

You and Astarion exchange shocked glances. A silent conversation ensues between two pairs of eyes that know one another better than anyone else. Is the little boy actually communicating with the dog?

Astarion stands, his eyebrows furrowed, intent on confirming your suspicions. He heads in the direction your child pointed, toward the edge of your property located just more than fifty paces away.

Without his father holding him back, Gale runs to the mutt and begins to chatter excitedly, cooing praises of adoration as he pets the creature. You watch your son curiously as the animal licks the remnants of Gale’s lunch off his hands, her tail wagging happily.

When your husband returns, he’s got that same furrowed brow. Gale is distracted by the dog as Astarion calls to you, “Gwann.”

Dead.

You crinkle your eyebrows, mirroring Astarion’s puzzled expression, and then turn your focus back to your son. He must be able to communicate with the dog, there’s no other explanation.

“It looks like coyotes must have gotten to her,” Astarion explains, his voice low as he also assesses his son,  “And before you even suggest anything, no, Tav. Absolutely not. The twins are almost here, we won’t have time to—“

“Daddy!” Gale calls, running back towards his father, his new dog friend in tow, “Where her mommy go? We can help!”

Shit.

Astarion brings his fingers to anxiously pull at his own ear. 

Nine hells.

They’re adopting the damn dog, aren’t they? 

“Well, Gale…” Astarion starts, and he flicks his eyes to you, flailing his hand open in an exasperated gesture as he struggles to come up with an explanation, “Her mommy is sick and had to go to the… animal doctor. So… I told her mommy we would watch her until she got better.” 

A lie, yes. And not a particularly good one. But Astarion isn’t about to explain death to his three-year-old.

The little boy’s eyes widen in excitement as a grin spreads across his face. He turns to look at the puppy, and somehow he’s able to figure out the dog has no idea what his father said, so he repeats the gist of it to the floppy eared mutt. The dog listens and cocks its head curiously, but then seems to give some indication of agreement.

Poor little thing.

The two of you exchange glances again. You’re going to have to discuss this once Gale goes to bed.

“Come on, darling, get your toys and let’s head back inside,” You tell the little boy, “I’m sure your new friend is very hungry; we can find something for her there. Daddy is going to pick a few more apples and then join us.” 

As the three year old is grabbing his toys, you exchange another pointed glance with your husband before thrusting your chin in the direction of the dead dog. 

“Haudh,” You murmur. Grave. You want Astarion to bury the animal before the puppy winds up finding her dead mother and tells Gale. He nods his understanding and bids the two of you goodbye, waiting until you are out of sight before heading toward the back of the orchard. 

And here he thought he was done burying corpses.

*

Later that night, you and your husband are in bed after just putting your son and his new companion, Apple, to sleep. Gale had chosen the name while he helped you bathe the puppy. 

Astarion had rolled his eyes and whispered to you, “I don’t know which is worse, Scratch or Apple.”

But he’d started referring to the dog by that name, regardless. 

The elf closes his eyes and presses his fingers into the sockets with a soft groan, “I didn’t know what else to say, Tav. We couldn’t very well tell our extremely sensitive son that the pup’s mother died. You know how he would’ve responded. All the saplings in the orchard would’ve been knocked down.” 

You can’t help but laugh at your husband as he works through the events of today.

He snaps his eyes open and glares at you, raking his hands through his curls and completely ruining them in the process, “It’s not funny, dear.” 

“It kind of is, my Star,” You shrug, moving forward to press a gentle, comforting kiss to your husband’s lips, “But I love watching you try and protect Gale’s soft heart.” 

Astarion shakes his head at you with a belabored sigh, “Parenting is impossible.” 

“Perhaps… but we’ve done other impossible things, haven’t we, my love?” You whisper, and the twins roll in your stomach, signaling their assent.

Astarion sighs again and nods, bringing his hand to rest upon the swell of your abdomen. He smiles as he feels the movement of the two little ones within. 

“Sometimes I think you just manage to convince me anything is possible, little love. And I’m so foolishly enamored with you that I’ll believe anything you say.” The elf says through a lopsided, exhausted grin.  

“And apparently I’ll do anything you say, like moonlighting as a farmer and digging a damn grave for a dog,” He continues, his nose wrinkling in displeasure, “You’re lucky you’re cute, darling.” 

You chuckle; the phrase reminds you of the times before Astarion so willingly told you he loved you, back when the two of you had no idea what you were doing.

In many ways, the two of you still don’t have a clue.

But you have each other. And just like every time before, you would figure it out. Together.

[wonderlandhatter]

Snapchats from frat Aaron Hotchner

These are before you start dating, he's deff trying to earn some trust. He's only has hookups before and he wants more with you and so is deff trying to do this "the right way"

I have posts edited and done for right before you start dating, like you both know you both like eachother and is deff getting very flirty, so if anyone likes these and would like me to share those let me know.

This is also not edited lol so sorry.

💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞💞

I feel like this would be one of the firsts he sends you. You two have been chatting in class and when he comes in to your coffee shop. The friendship is growing.

He always invites you to his frats weekly party but honestly it's scary, he has no obligation to stay with you the whole night (he would let's be honest) so there's just too many variables.

So when he starts sending you little updates during the parties about how he's just tried the most disgusting drink he might die, or how he made a drink he thinks you'd like, or how a game would be more fun with you "I'm loosing angel, I need you on my team". He just has you blushing and kicking your feet.

Ok so you're still too anxious/nervous for a frat party (rightfully so those things look awful imo) but that's ok he just thought that would be the easiest way to spend time with you outside of school but he failed to realise that upto this point he's only gone after hookups but this is different, he wants you all the time for everything.

So he took a different approach, more one on one time. It starts when he invited you to. Afrat party and instead of your usual answer of "you know that's not my thing Aaron" you said "I have plans" which he very quickly jumped in to ask if he could join. This boy all but squealed when you happily agreed.

He did expect this to be a social thing but he quickly learned that your plans were a movie about an odd wizard and old woman playing while you painted/coloured and ate snacks.

That was his favourite night in a very long time, he internally prayed it wouldn't be a one time thing, specially after you admitted to these being your set Saturday night plans. He hopes he can become part of your set plans.

(he deff sends this to his best friend when he asks where he is, friend is equally as thrilled for his bud)

His presence in your life has now become a constant and you couldn't be happier. You're all but fully comfortable with him letting yourself be you around him and he couldn't be happier.

You're not as reserved, jocking with him even picking fun at him which he is eating up.

He comes to your job every Friday to "do schoolwork" which tbf he is but also just admiring you.

You make fun of his boring order everytime he orders his "large black coffee" with no sugar. But the last couple of visits he's let you make up his order as whatever you want knowing it would make you happy to as you say "make his life better through caffeinated joy".

They do tend to be your favourite orders given the next picture which he 100% put on his story which you begged him to change to his private story.

This is one of his favourite pictures and 100% becomes his phone background when you start dating.

Your cat is his nemesis.

You cuddles and love that cat all the time and it's 100% jealousy he wishes you were hugging and kissing him.

He's also convinced that the cat is looking at him smugly while you kiss him.

Cat deff also hissed at him when he comes into your apartment, it's a love triangle lol

He's told you the looks your cat gives him which you obviously thinks it's ridiculous so he sends you this as "proof"

[moonlight-prose]

WADE'S WORLD

LET'S DISCUSS

a/n: *hands the mic to wade* take it away dipshit. divider by the beautiful @saradika-graphics.

The squeak of the leather couch is what makes him smile.

"No don't write that."

Audible backspacing.

"Hello thots and whores (respectfully). It's your old pal Wade W. Wilson here to remind you: always wrap it before you tap it. Seriously the amount of condomless dicks on this website is ridiculous. And that's coming from a man who can only get it on to the sounds of chinchillas-"

*insert information you probably don't need to fucking know here.*

"Right. Off topic."

He shifts with another squeak, his hands clasped in his lap like a nerd on the first day of orientation-

"Now that's just rude."

His suit is leather, the couch is leather, and both don't make for a combination of fun. In all honesty this a waste of time, but he insisted on having a voice.

"I'm the one speaking here thank you. And not a combination of fun? Tell that to Hugh Jackman in Van Helsing. That movie is a leather pandemonium. I'm surprised he didn't get chafing on his penis."

He sighs...dreamily.

"But who can deny a long haired werewolf when he barks for you? I sure can't. And neither could Kate Beckinsale-"

Middle finger. Middle finger. Middle finger. Middle fing-

"RIGHT! Back to our regularly scheduled program of moans and groans. As you all have probably seen on that lovely little masterlist created by..."

He squints at the screen.

"The bitch who just wants to get this over with. I'm here to be your guiding light. Your candle in the window on a cold dark winter's night, as REO Speedwagon put it best. Because I certainly can't fight this feeling anymore."

"And you're probably wondering: but this is supposed to be a Logan fic. Where's all the smut? This writer sure likes to take her sweet ass time in updating. No worries. You have me to fill that empty void between your ribs and legs as Logan works up the nerve to finally stick it in."

In whispered hushed tones, he creeps closer. "He's shy."

"And that little magic button down below is the spot even Wolverine himself can't find. That's right my padawans the cli-"

Goes to shut down computer.

"No wait! Sorry I'll be good."

Another squeak echoes as he lays down as if he's Rose ready to be drawn like a French girl.

"Yeah that's good. That'll reel 'em in."

"So click that button and talk to me about our favorite two hundred year old man and the love life he's currently trying to find. Julia Roberts in Eat Pray Love has nothing on him, I can tell you that. I'll be here...waiting...and watching this shitshow of a fic go down like I do on a Saturday night."

"See you there."

♡THE CLIT♡

[freakartack]

HOUSEKEEPING THINGS

1. MESSAGE TO OLD FOLLOWERS: so sorry that took so damn long. Normally i try not to treat this blog like a job but that was kind of ridiculous so i feel like an apology is in order. I fully overestimated just how much stuff i wanted to draw for this bit and i did not expect my blog to be held ransom by cartoon characters for two months but here we are. Thank you guys for being cool and patient about my hubris! I hope it was worth the wait. And if not, here is your money back. (placing imaginary money in your hand)

2. MESSAGE TO NEW FOLLOWERS: hi. Welcome to my blog! Thank you for taking an interest in my jokes. Because my blog has been held ransom by cartoon characters for two months i should probably emphasize that this is not an ask blog and is in fact just a regular blog, that happened to be held ransom by cartoon characters for two months. I do still draw wario comics though! A lot! So if you're into that, then you're in the right place.

3. THE ASKBOX SITUATION: So prior to mona stealing my login info this april you may have noticed that i shut down my askbox and turned off the lights. There was a couple reasons for that

3a. I accidentally got addicted to the internet

3b. I accidentally got so addicted to the internet that tumblr thought i was a premier hashtag super mario poster presumably solely based on the fact that i did not shut up for five days straight and so for several weeks it redirected every new person that said they liked mario to my blog and i thoguht they were all spam bots so i freaked it

4. WHAT I'M GOING TO DO NOW

4a. Freak it

4b. Just kidding

4c. WARIOWARE CAMPING!!! Currently I am in a tight spot Schedule wise however the next page is well on its way (had been put on pause due to april fools fiasco) and so it should be ready soon. If nothing else this experience has taught me how to pump out a fucking lot of comics so although i intend to make these drawings much higher in quality i will do my best to get the ball rolling!

4c. RANDO DRAWINGS: Also soemthing that I have to work on is not dropping off the face of the earth when I don't have a comic to post so I will be posting some fun little extras in between comics. I sometimes feel guilty when i do that cause i'm like "that doesn't count as a post" which is kind of dumb if you ask me. So i will be posting some art on my art blog going forward

4d. THE ASKBOX SITUATION: THE SQUEAKUEL: So you see my issue is I don't want to get addicted to the internet or overwhelmed or attacked by droves of spam bots and/or innocent civilians BUT i still want to have asks open because i like talking to you guys and i miss it. SO, i will compromise by opening my askbox on weekends, so that way i can have the best of both worlds. Maybe i will expand the ask window later on if i can behave myself but we'll see how it goes.

4e. FIXING MY BLOG THEME: Idk if i'm going to change it back to the pitcher plant pic but i do want to make it not be this. I might make a slightly updated theme that matches my content better so i might put a different warioware banner up there but idk i feel bad kicking out the plant. How are we feeling. The brave little toaster thing in my icon is staying no matter what though sorry.

5. OK THAT'S ALL BYE: Bye

[sandzephyr]

;; hi there! Little update under the cut!

Short verion: I am incredibly eager on coming back as soon as possible! <3

But...despite all of that I'm really hodling up on my mental health work, really happy for that, if I was in a slightly worse state of mind these past weeks would've killed me. But God damn it I cook myself a warm meal every day and shower up to four times a week! Something I can be proud of :p

life things are so ridiculously much rn that I have decided to schedule hobby time...for my sanity! I live in an old house with 6 other 20-32yos and we've been having old-house-problems, and like all of them at once. rats (due to our home being right in between a public pool and a popular river bank), disgusting pipe...problems..., fleas (roommate works at a vet clinic and brought them home to her cats), a roommate moving out in the most chaotic way possible!!! and squirrels nesting right outside my windows... Also, two monogamous friends of mine decided to break up with each other which has been a challenge on all my social capacities... and my part time job went bankrupt very suddenly and I'm basically unemployed. Sooo I rearranged the garden, did plumbing for the first time and it worked (!?!?!?) and pulled fucking (partially molded) flooring out of our living room and renovated that, got a new fridge...etc. and idk life decided it all needed to happen within like 2 weeks lmao I hate being an adult so much y'all

...damn I didn't realize this would turn into a life rant, very sorry for that. :")

I have all of you drafted and I cannot wait! My next scheduled hobby time is coming up! Please don't forget meeee<3<3

[lastweeksshirttonight]

LEE'S FAQ!

Over the past nearly-two years, I've noticed that I get some questions about John's work asked repeatedly. That doesn't bother me - half of his prominent work is somewhat lost media, Tumblr's search is super fucked, and I always want to help anyone falling down the JO rabbit hole - but I realized that one central pinned post would be helpful! I'll keep this up to date as much as possible.

I know I have a lot of international followers, and if you have any knowledge of where to stream or find some of these items, please let me know and I'll update this post.

WHERE CAN I FIND...?

Anything really, I've just started going down this rabbit hole:

The John Oliver Masterlist is an incredible resource - while it hasn't been updated since about 2017 and has some broken links (especially in the LWT sections), it has functional links to every JO clip from The Daily Show, all the main segments of LWT through 2017, radio shows, and lots of other material. This was made by @johnoliverphotos and @ilovejohnoliver, and I'm eternally grateful for it.

The Department:

YouTuber Ben Jennings has the entire series on his channel.

Player FM has the series uploaded here as well.

The Bugle:

The Bugle Archive has all Times Online era episodes available to download. PLEASE DOWNLOAD THE EPISODES DIRECTLY; DO NOT STREAM FROM THIS SITE.

The Bugle is starting to upload Times Online era episodes to their official channels, which can be found here. They're up to ep 75 as of June 2024.

All post-Times Online episodes (starting with episode 179) are available on The Bugle's official channels.

The Daily Show with Jon Stewart:

Paramount has axed the Daily Show archives online as of 6/26/24. It's absolutely gutting how little they give a shit about this program. Fuck them.

You're gonna have to sail the high seas to watch this. I'm sorry that this is the state of the US' most important comedy show of the 2000s. Since Paramount hasn't done shit with the old episodes for decades, I wouldn't hold your breath on it entering streaming.

Community:

In the US, this can be streamed on Peacock. Individual episodes can be purchased on YouTube, Apple TV, and Amazon Prime.

Worldwide, Community is now on Hulu.

Every season of Community is available on DVD and Blu-Ray.

John Oliver's New York Stand-Up Show:

In the US, the whole show is on Paramount Plus and can be purchased through Amazon and Apple.

This show also got purged in the big Comedy Central erasure, but at least you can buy it still?? Shit silver lining, I know.

Back catalog episodes of Last Week Tonight:

You can buy back catalog episodes on YouTube and Amazon in the US.

The first through fourth seasons of LWT have been uploaded fully on their YouTube in the US, with plans to upload future seasons during breaks in the show's current episodes!

In certain areas outside of the US, LWT is now being uploaded in full on their YouTube channel as well.

HBO Max no longer has back catalog episodes because capitalism is fucking ridiculous, I pay monthly for this service entirely for this show and I can't even watch old news from 5 years ago

The Horne Section:

The whole series is on Taskmaster Supermax+, which should work everywhere except the UK.

In the UK, you can stream this through Channel 4.

Taskmaster:

I've been trying to will this into existence for multiple seasons, no one can stop me

BLOG-SPECIFIC QUESTIONS

How did you get into John Oliver?

I answered this in too much detail in two posts, here and here.

Where is your icon from?

UPDATED: It was made by the lovely @stalebagels for me. She is wonderful <3

Is this blog a bit?/Do you really find this man attractive?

No, this is not an ironic bit, I really like John Oliver and find him genuinely hot. (Tbf, I get this question way more in person than online.)

[minisugakoobies]

I’m so excited about the drabble that’s not a drabble anymore!!! Also YES PLEASE GIMME THE TEASER!!!!!!!!!!

Ahhhh, I'm glad you're excited! Ok then! 💕 Title: The Rules Pairing: Bang Chan x Reader Genre: strangers to lovers, smut, Wedding!AU WC: 634, final TBD Warnings: none for the teaser Summary: How long can you follow the rules?

When your cousin asked you to be a bridesmaid, she gave you three simple rules to follow:

Number one: don't be late. "To be early is to be on time. To be on time is to be late. To be late is to get cut out of the family. Don't think Halmeoni won't drop you from her will if I ask."

Number two: Don't get super wasted. "What if I have a bridal emergency and you're completely zooted, upchucking wine spritzers in the bathroom?" As if you'd drink a wine spritzer.

And rule number three: Don't fuck Bang Chan.

She announced the third rule the first time you gathered with her and her other bridesmaids to discuss wedding details. Bang Chan, it turned out, was her fiancé's "Best Bro" from his college frat days.

"Binnie was in a frat? Huh," was your response upon learning this new factoid.

Sun Hee rolled her eyes. "I know, it's weird, but he's grown up a lot since I met him. Chan, on the other hand…" she grimaced. "He's a fuckboy. Of the highest magnitude. S-class. A summa cum fuckboy."

"More like a someone's gonna come fuckboy, amiright?" maid of honor Ji-won snarked, cracking herself up, but she quickly stopped when Sun Hee gave her the evil eye.

"And that's bad because…" you drawled.

"Because every goddamn time one of my friends hooks up with his slutty ass, they completely lose their shit. And I! Do! Not! Have the time to deal with the fallout!" Sun Hee clapped her hands after each word, like a deranged cheerleader. "So keep your hands and your holes away from that man!"

At first, when you met the groomsmen at the engagement party, you thought to yourself that Sun Hee's rule was unnecessary. Apparently, Changbin only hung out with other ridiculously good-looking guys. Any one of them could probably show you an amazing time, if you so desired. 

And then Bang Chan walked in.

Out of curiosity, you'd looked the guy up, scouring Changbin's insta for old photos. Just so you could see what all the fuss was about. It was pretty easy to identify why Sun Hee's friends were apparently throwing themselves at the man, between his muscular build, his warm eyes, and his heart-melting smile. And as a semi-famous music producer, he's a star on the rise, which only adds to his allure. But holy shit, you were not prepared for the charisma.

He strolled into the room like he was walking onto a stage, radiating confidence from every inch of his rather thick frame, as if expecting an audience to start applauding at his presence. Maybe that's why you weren't surprised to see Changbin and his friends light up as they caught sight of their friend.

Of course, they weren't the only ones to notice him.

"Oh damn, look at the snack that just walked in," Ji-won whispered, tugging on your sleeve. "He's tasty."

"Yeah he is," another bridesmaid, Hae, piped up. "Is it too late to call dibs?"

"Gawi bawi bo!" Ji-won suddenly yelled, but you grabbed her hand as she threw a scissors symbol into the air.

"Sorry, ladies, but the bride's rules trump rock, paper, and scissors. That's Chan."

“That’s Chan? Well, shit.” Ji-won pauses. “Okay. Dibs on Jisung!” 

“Wait a minute!”

Ignoring the horny squabbling going on beside you, you discreetly ogle Chan over the rim of your cocktail. Changbin really needs to update his insta, because you were not prepared for Chan’s blond hair. Or the lip ring. Or, fuck, you nearly choke on your old fashioned as Chan laughs and something silvery inside his open mouth catches your eye. Is that a tongue ring too?!

This man could not be more your type. Absolute catnip, and your kitty is eager for a taste.

Masterlist 💜 Find me on AO3 💜 

© 2023 by minisugakoobies. Crossposted to AO3. Please do not copy or repost.

[inglourious-imagines]

Beers, Tomato, and Suspenders (Lewis Nixon X GN!Reader)

Prompts: 106 – Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation. & 109 – I saw that. You just checked me out.

Summary: Before D-Day. Two conversations take place, one with your best friend George Luz, the second with your (perhaps, perhaps not) friend Lewis Nixon. What can come out of this?

Warnings: some f words

Author’s Note: Long time no see, my friends! I’m sorry for being MIA for so long. Anyway, consider this some sort of a comeback 😊. There have ended up some BoB smut requests in my inbox so to inform you, I’m not writing smut, at least not yet, for I do not feel comfortable doing so. I apologise to the people who came to me through my inbox to ask me some questions, sorry I wasn’t able to answer them.

-> Also does anyone know how to edit masterlist (or any other old post actually) after some time? I'm not able to update my masterlist or just simply edit a list of fandoms. Help is greatly appreciated! Thank you!

Taglist: @alienoresimagines @teenmagazines @meteora-fc @eugenesmorphine @band-of-brothers-cz @real-fans @not-john-watsons-blog @tealaquinn @ok-roemanov @mrseasycompany @punkgeekchic @wexhappyxfew @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @rayofshanshine @mavysnavy @easynix @georgeluzwarmhugs @easy-company-tradition @immrsronaldspeirs @snafus-peckuh @curraheewestandalone @warrior-healer @justamadgirlinabox @happyveday @order-of-river-phoenix @whoahersheybars

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“Okay, we have a few more days before we’re moving out and you still haven’t done anything about your big fat crush on-“

“Shut the fuck up, Luz!” you exclaim, covering his mouth with yours. He laughs at your somewhat childish behaviour, but then he licks your hand so you would pull it away and also to annoy you even more so the fight over who’s more immature is clearly won by him again.

“You are disgusting,” you say, but your lips slowly form a soft smile – the situation is quite ridiculous; two paratroopers discussing one’s crush in the middle of a bar somewhere in Britain, while other paratroopers around them are getting blind drunk. “And I do not intend to do anything about it.”

George pouts, clearly he is more than excited to see you hit on someone, the need for some entertainment overwhelms him and you are sure that once you would have gotten up from your chair, Liebgott and Tab would be immediately by Luz’s side, cheering you on and closely watching the situation unfold. But you remain sitting, and George has to turn to his beer instead.

“But why?” he presses on, once he finishes his glass of that golden liquid and sets it down on the wooden bar. “Tab has some classified information that Lewis Nixon is over the heels for you.” That makes you laugh out loud, and soon enough George joins you but for another reason completely – he laughs because someone else is laughing and he’s drunk, you laugh because that sentence alone sounded so ridiculous that you simply could not react in any other way.

George doesn’t bring up the topic anymore, but he remains at your side as if he knows something you don’t. You sing with Floyd, you play cards with Malarkey and Muck, you have a contest about who downs a beer faster with Toye (you win but Joe swears he’ll challenge you soon enough and this time for money for he is sure that he’ll be the winner). You try to stay away from drinking too much alcohol; those two beers, one with George and one with Joe, plus the one shot with Eugene (which you practically coerced him into drinking – who could have said no when the toast was to victory?) is pretty much the only liquor flowing in your veins.

For a moment, George excuses himself (“When I drink, I always have to piss all the fucking time. I hate it.”) and you find yourself on your own behind the bar, wondering whether another beer is a good idea until someone interrupts your thoughts. “Hey Joe, get me a pint, would ya?”

You’ve spent so much time daydreaming about that voice, that by now you can recognize it anytime, anywhere, in your sleep, in your dreams, from meters away. You turn your head to your favourite intelligence officer and you’re suddenly glad you have not ordered that beer because you would have probably choked on it for Lewis Nixon just looks so good in just the green trousers, green shirt, and those damn suspenders. While he waits for his drink (apparently, he’s all out of Vat69 when he’s opted for beer), he slips his one arm under one part of the suspenders, then his other arm, and the suspenders fall down from his shoulders, hanging now from his hips from their clips on his trousers. This simple action, that takes not more than few seconds, leaves you breathless, you could watch him just be his self for hours on end and never get tired from the sight.

“I saw that,” he suddenly turns to you, “you just checked me out.”

Now you would have definitely choked on that beer. Your cheeks redden immediately, you know exactly how you look (like a fucking tomato, that’s for sure) and you struggle really hard to find an excuse because it’d be obvious even to a blind person that you were downright staring at him.

“I did not.” you state as sternly as you could, but Nixon smiles and for some reason unknown to you, he does not go away but rather orders another beer that lands before you in a moment.

Lexis is apparently pleased at how flustered he can make you, he is enjoying it to his bones, so he does not stop teasing you. “Yes, yes, you did.” A bigger smile now adorns his face, and you have to fight really hard to not smiling again because his joy is so contagious.

“No, I did not. If anything, you were checking me out.” you try to spin the conversation in another way and to your surprise (and later pleasure) it works for Lewis steps a little closer to you and responds. “Well, I did not really try to hide it, did I.”

It’s more of a statement than a question and for the second time in about three minutes you are blushing again like a teenager.

Nixon goes on. “And at least I can admit it.”

Your head is spinning, you quite can’t comprehend that this is what you are talking about with Nix, and he just stands so close to you, you could touch his army shirt if you desired to, the urge to run your fingers through his messy hair is storming you and you find yourself in need of a fresh air. But you don’t step away, you wouldn’t dare to because this type of breathlessness just feels good.

So, you opt to play his little game. “Neither one of us is drunk enough for this conversation.”

Lewis’s eyes sparkle. He takes his beer in one hand, yours in other and nods his head in the direction where the doors out of the bar are. “Maybe we should fix that.”

Finally you smile at him, you know he knows you won’t decline the offer, but it doesn’t bother you one bit. “The conversation or our not-drunken state?”

Lewis grins at you in his own special mischievous way and he knows you know what the answer will be, but it doesn’t bother him one bit. “How about both?”

[ventismacchiato]

Same anon who sent that ask that triggered that avalanche of trolling.

I just wanna say, I'm sorry for being hypocritical when I said you were rude, but I did not mean you were rude by setting boundaries (even tho that was never a topic of debate for us, I'd always respected your boundaries)

I meant rude as in, you used to be very...dry? You could say? when I sent asks but then you'd be super nice to other people who sent asks so I felt like you just had something against me.

My reason for staying anonymous isn't because I'm afraid of confronting you face-to-face, it's because I know that if I were to try and talk to you ab this personally, I'd just get the same response, and if I were to send the ask without being anonymous, the asks clowning on me would be sitting in my inbox rn.

And I get WHY people r clowning on me. I sent an ask on a topic sensitive to me thru anon and my choice of words r similar to that of an emo 14 yr old boy on reddit.

But in my defense, if Kai hasn't been rude to you personally, doesn't mean they might not have been rude to me. And I use rude due to a lack of better words.

Bottom line is: I was hurt by Kai's difference in personality when it came to my asks (which never pressured them about updates btw bc I never rlly followed their smaus much) and I took to anon to try and tell it to them, albeit in a v poor worded manner.

I'm sorry that so many of your fans seemed personally attacked by me expressing my opinion but I'm more sorry that I couldn't just talk to you about this directly.

(also b4 anyone repeats the old insult of "get a job"... I'm already training to become a CA. I have a life outside of Tumblr and I log in very rarely. It may not seem that way because of my previous ask, but Kai isn't on my mind 24/7. I just logged back in after a month and their ask were on my 'following' page and in the spur of the moment, I typed out the ask.

I assure yall I'm very content in life and (in response to one of the asks telling me to shower💀) take very good care of my hygiene (lmao???). Some of the responses I got were VERY hilarious, I'll agree, even I laughed at a few of them.

I know my previous ask gave a lot of people second-hand embarrassment (this one will too probably lmfao I can't win) and this is getting too long so I'll just say: not the intention, just wanted my feelings acknowledged.

Thank you and Goodbye.

This seems like a script to a YouTube apology video lmao.

oh my god…

DRY ≠ RUDE

so are you just upset i didn’t treat you like a friend or?? genuinely don’t understand how me ever being dry is considered rude to you, have you ever considered the asks you sent didnt give me room to respond with more excitement? i receive a lot of asks in a day so i cant always be all !!! to every single one. it’s a little over the top to accuse me of being rude when all i supposedly did was not match the same energy. you said so yourself you weren’t active and i tended to be more excited talking to my regular anons.

i didnt have anything against you, maybe a little now because this is ridiculous, but if someone online replying to you dry causes you that much hurt then maybe this app isn’t for you. we don’t need to talk about this directly because there isn’t anything to talk about.

goodbye!

[blood-teeth]

TMITAWH is 2 years old????!!!!

i cant believe i missed it that sounds so ridiculous to me! in my defense, i was driving for two weeks straight

i don't have anything planned for celebration; i'm so sorry! but i do have some updates!

for those that missed it, tmitawh is now a novel and will no longer be told in an interactive fiction format. this has upset a lot of people. i've lost a lot of followers over this announcement. and i can understand this to some extent, but largely i have to continue to be unapologetic about my choices.

this story is one that has, in every meaning of the phrase, saved my life. writing in this little world has gotten me through some of the darkest times and carried me through to the next day. at some point, IF stopped being a media that was capable of telling the story i wanted to tell.

i'm disheartened by a lot of the anons i've received. some are hateful and unkind. others are upset that they no longer will have the opportunity to pursue Cain or Ezio, and a few mention that they're not interested in reading a lesbian story and will not be reading the book if it ever makes it to publication. i've disregarded the first, but the second cuts the deepest i think.

i have never, ever been shy on this app that i'm a lesbian. i feel as though i've talked endlessly about it. being a lesbian is a huge facet of my identity and being told that, in so many words, a story written for myself, with other queer people in mind, is not for them seems like such a stupid thing to say. like, i didnt write it for you. i wrote it for me. i wrote it for the lesbians who love so violently that they have to hide it away under their clothes, in between their teeth. i wrote it for the lesbians who have been told their love is disgusting, or wrong, or sexy and for a male's pleasure only. i wrote it for the lesbians who are told their love is okay as long as they never show it- as long as they only hold hands at most but never kiss in public. i wrote it for the lesbian who sits in pews and breathes over their hands and wonders if God loves them still.

i'm not sorry to not have written a story catered for you when the whole world is for you. leave me out of your self-absorbed, hateful little orbit.

please know, this blog does not tolerate hatred, bigotry, or harassment in any shape or form. and if you're going to fuck around with me, you sure as hell are going to find out with me.

on a more positive note!

i want to thank you all who have been overwhelmingly positive and supportive of my endeavors!! it means the absolute world to me!! i sometimes hold myself at night and think of all the kind words y'all have sent over these past two years and just sob. never in my life before this could i have imagined sharing my work with people who give a shit and care. it warms me in ways i cannot begin to describe. i love you and i hope you are well as always. my inbox/dms are open ANYTIME if you just want to chat, catch up, rant to me, or tell me about your pet. actually, please tell me about your pet.

Some quick publishing updates:

I'm 20k words out of 90k into draft 2. and i think this is going to be the last draft before i query (?????) i'm really very happy with the muscles and bones of the manuscript. now it's just some meticulous line editing i have to work through.

after this, i'm off to the query trenches. (im scared) if anybody has gone through this process before and has any tips, i'd love to hear them!

here's a little excerpt:

"She grabs hard enough to make sure of her presence, not enough to bruise. Some sick part of the Traveler’s brain says, Yes. Please. More. Press deeper. Press harder. Bruise me. Hurt me. She delights in the heat that blossoms from where the Reverie digs her fingers into skin. Eyes earnest, stubborn disposition to her jaw as the thick muscle there flickers in an implication of anger. “I will find you,” she’s shaping her tongue into a dagger at the Traveler’s throat. “I will find you again, and that is a promise.” The Traveler gasps, tilting her head higher. She blinks and— The Reverie’s mouth is on hers, hot and aching, and the Traveler blinks— Want flavors the Traveler’s tongue, the Reverie’s hands pressed tightly against her collarbone, teeth at her jaw. She blinks and— Is this Before or After?"

i also, stupidly, have officially started a twitter that i want to start working with. i know twitter is dead, but it remains to be very useful for publishing. if you'd like to follow me, im there on @ morganhollow25. i dont know how to use it. im scared to use it. but if you have a twitter maybe follow me there too! i absolutely plan to be on tumblr primarily. i love it here and have grown a tiny home in these webs.

i'll have more updates coming soon regarding FTMTB and other works. thank you all again <3

[sagaschan]

hi, i'm sorry if this is a bothersome topic, but is there anything new in the whole PM Situation? also, where might i find a summary of the events, recent or old?

It's no bother at all. Idk how new you want it, but Nov 26th had a bigger game company in Korea, Nexon, complying to the same incel crowd's demands and kicking off another round of outrage. It sucks that another artist has been left jobless and that the entire goddamn company seems eager to put the blame for their overwork on nefarious feminist masterminds, but it's also added fuel to the situation and made it the problem of a lot more people, including the rarely seen united front of the two major unions in the country. Suffice to say, it's getting big.

As for a summary, @gootarts' update on Oct 21th is the most recent one I know of (..I keep saying I'll write one and putting it off I know) and their twitter keeps up with events fairly quickly, so you might want to check that. The number of companies bending over backwards is getting a little ridiculous at this point when there's a labor inspection being organized to penalize violations of that exact nature, but we're prepared to see it through to an industry where misogyny isn't the norm and workers' rights are protected. It's taken a while since 2016. Glad to be here seeing that change happen now though.

[predoom]

ohoneohone

Saturday, September 24th, 2005 2:14 pm but i am too weak to be your cure night started out strong. got kinda wack. want to go on a date to the corpse bride? (157 Comments |Comment on this) Tuesday, September 20th, 2005 12:56 pm ruckus juice dear demar,

i am sorry.

sugar in chicago. Monday, September 19th, 2005 12:19 pm mike murphy all up in demar hamiltons ass went to the alk3/my chemical bromance with demar and nick on the dick. pretty hilarious. the bands let the good times roll. went by pizza metro and made awesome jokes. and ate like 60 bucks worth of super flat pizza. startling revelations about demars life. i like hanging with old friends. down the street from the girl to trevia. kinda chill. matt skiba talked to me about clandestine. pretty amazing. we are wearing all black coming up hats. greg let me dj for a minute and i played some faint and refused. P-Unit. people at my house when i went home. freaked me out. sleeeepover prince. search the net and you can find some amazing pictures. Saturday, September 17th, 2005 4:52 pm reNICKulous woah. got my g.i. joe aircraft carrier in the mail yesterday. its seven feet long. thats like me and patrick stacked on top of eachother. ate a box of life cereal yesterday. kinda gross. somehow with all the chaos of everything i got normal again. its weird to me that 50cents mom is a lesbian. i dunno why. it totally fits and totally doesn't. just like everything else. i saw the motorola commercial we were asked to be in with madonna. yeah thats right- "sell out boy" turned one down cause it wasn't the right situation. haha. we would have had to cancel shows and all- just wasn't right. i just wanted to meet the material girl. we don't do everything were asked to. waited out going over to watch demar pass out and get kissed. instead went to the city. carnival life. we bought ice cream shoes online from hongkong. get jealous. counted freckles. yawn. patrick came over today. we worked on some secret stuff. him and his gee eff are way too lame and cute. i cant wait to see corpse bride. awesomeness. just waiting for tonight to happen.

oops comments wahahaha. Thursday, September 15th, 2005 11:27 pm this week he's mopping floors, next week he's on fries early bird gets the worm. took a headache for my tylenol. went to the cover shoot for spin magazine. it was ridiculous as always. i put myself into the worst clothes i could find cause thats just funny to me on the inside. nickplan and drunkmar showed up cause they keep it the realest. got weird emails all day. pretty standard. someday we'll be nostalgic for right now. but until then you can put it in a pinebox. its funny the mistakes you realize you are making as you go about things. cause those are the worst. it only makes sense when you are that close. otherwise its blurry and filled with lies. and you can say whatever you want but in the dark i know what you look like and think- and no one else does. nothing that needs to be spoken of. im the kind of kid that will go to the goddamned end. file me under: fucking speechless. right to her house. wow, it's been a month. we don't talk. it goes without saying. freckles. kinda dreamy. and i ain't too hard on the eyes. only those arms make it okay. i just don't care anymore. this is the three year boy. this is the lover boy. this is the keeper. the is the one that got away. i drop records, not names. so i'm not letting you in. buzznet updated. please leave my friends or whatever alone, because i have- and im sick of hearing about it. raise your hand if you're excited for fall tour. time to become the person i was supposed to be.

Current Music: you make me wanna lala 12:59 am "growing uuuuuuuuup, i guess i am my own better half" what were they thinking? i'm tired. ate for the first time in what feels like forever today. you know gotta keep that charm. what does that even mean? actually have to get up at 9am for a photo shoot tommorrow. the wackest. i guess it could be worse. i could have to sell stuff or work in a factory instead of just getting laughed at by some dumb photographer cause we don't know how to pose right. flashflashflash. goddamn the new panic at the disco record makes me feel okay in any situation. only two people in the entire world know how it goes. its kind of funny that i get to be one of them. but its strange the way only one person makes you feel electric. like you were meant to be three inches away from them always. but then its gone. or they are. went to green street hooligans. ate your popcorn and drank your soda. cause im kinda a baby. movie dates are funny cause you either watch the movie or you talk the whole time. both are kind of a let down. fall is definitely hug season. bring it on. who knows how it turns out. don't believe the hype. i didn't overdose. this really is me typing.

Tuesday, September 13th, 2005 10:39 pm difficult takes a day, impossible takes a week. oh no oh no. i don't get it but then i don't think i am supposed to. today woke up and bought my friend shoes cause she's rad and i like buying stuff for my friends. i am sick, but it's gonna be okay. i love going to bars with my friends and ordering 5 dollar sprites. yeah i'm that guy. right now i wish this was a lyric i wrote: "i dunno why other rappers try and dis you. cause even my superficial raps are super official". i'm supposed to be waiting by the phone but i'm always at front desk in the hotel lobby. i told my friend that i want to get super big bling jesus necklace- they said it doesn't make sense because im not super into jesus- but i told them that was the whole point. i sing the blues just for the covers of magazines. oh yeah. the rest of my day. ive been going out into the real world alot lately. the sun hurts my eyes but you're making me grin. went to joes house in boy's town- its like one inch big and filled with 80 million things. ebay says that my g.i. joe aircraft carrier is in the mail. but who knows cause i tell people shit is in the mail all the time. its like waking up from a dream and not being sure. for sure. our new video is pretty sweet. hung with the bestest. it feels nice outside. time to go play. i think i am going to be vegetarian again, then probably vegan. cause it just feels right. like you. all i do is watch thundercats and crush hard. what a life.

Current Music: christina milian 2:22 am go right on reds, get left at altars i want to write a "hey momma" song for the emo world. it smells like coffee and rain everywhere today for me.

i have lost all respect for you. before you make accusations, check the scoreboard sweetheart.

just when you are about to give up sometimes a light comes on. like its the only one out there. and when you are unhappy they are a shoulder. and they make you laugh when you get thrown out the window like trash from a car. old friends bend. you got me smiling like it was a dream. and i am slowly letting everything else go.

let go let go.

ive got a crush.

[thelastpilot]

Knighted- Chapter 9

You mean that fic you started in 2017 and update once every few years??? Yeah that one. I'm so sorry, lol If you need to re-read heres all the chapters. Royal Guard!Nino and Princess! Alya

Chapter 1, Chapter 2, Chapter 3, Chapter 4, Chapter 5, Chapter 6  Chapter 7, Chapter 8

There was never a more agonizing 35-40ish seconds of waiting in all his life. The amount of time from Nino confirming his fears of Alya’s disappearance and the replacement guard for the night to arrive was seemingly infinite, and certainly enough time for him to imagine the absolute worst.

The likelihood of her being in any kind of danger yet from anything other than him was practically non-existent. She was in an incredibly well guarded castle with guards of all kinds on nearly every exit and any man in the castle who could gain something from harming her would have no reason to do it yet. A ransom was better sat on for a while, but in a way this fear was ridiculous. She was in her own home, but the reason behind her being restricted in her movements at all was because of the vast number of visitors the castle was currently entertaining. Every stuffy, important council member came with an entourage of their own guard, and the individual intentions and loyalties of these men could not possibly be fully screened. So as an added precaution against threats the King commanded the guard to oversee the restricted activities of his daughters, specifically Nino. He had specifically commanded Nino to oversee this exact task, and yet.

Here he was.

Nino left in what was surely a suspicious hurry, but for the first time the complete disrespect of the senior guards actually worked in his favor. The very instant the night guard replacements started to crest the final step, Nino was in motion. His gate was one fraction shy of far too fast as he desperately scanned the area and tried to determine the most likely path for a stubborn, bull-headed princess to flee, and he considered his options as they occurred to him.

He could feasibly A) alert everyone of her disappearance to best ensure her return and basically hand his job over as he did so.

B) Tell no one and fail to find her, and for his failure basically hand his job over anyways,

Or C) try and make it look like he wasn’t there at all when she went missing and hope no one clarifies the timeline.

Now C wasn’t genuinely an option, he knew he’d have to take responsibility no matter what nor would he want to sacrifice the other guards to save his own skin, regardless of their treatment of him. They may be sordid old men but he was not… even if this would cost him everything, he would do what was honorable.

But he’d much prefer to do no such thing, and just get her back in her damn room without anyone noticing at all.  In reality, all the guards had a lot to lose from letting her slip by, so if they were smart they’d just shut the hell up about the whole thing.

Or sell him out to ruin him.

Nino shook his head, trying to clear his rapidly spiraling thoughts and do his job. He couldn’t worry about himself, he had to worry about her. Taking care of the princesses was his job, and he was going to do that whether they liked it or not. The twins may be his main charge, but he also had a responsibility to Alya.

With that in mind, he got to work.

He descended the stairs nearest to the royal chambers quickly, knowing these passageways were largely reserved for servants. At these hours they would be growing sparse for the night, long laborious chores carried out near firelight likely claiming the bulk of the workforce’s attentions. The staircase itself bottomed out into a sheltered flat space, and though he noted there were guards pacing the area, a quiet, witty girl could still possibly get through. If she had managed to slip such a densely guarded hallway, he had no reason to doubt her infuriating tenacity.

Nino looked around, making assessments such as these to rapidly decide which ways she couldn’t go, and breaking down the search from there. Her goal was undoubtably to slip out of the castle all together, meaning she had only one real option, which was the main gate. To go anywhere else would require keys she did not have and patience she likely lacked. The path down to the courtyard from the royal chambers was winding, and he was infinitely grateful that he was not slowed down in the way she probably was. He could traverse hallways in a fraction of the time she could, and to be honest, he felt a subdued sort of giddy feeling at that.

He was a royal guard. While in full armor and in high attendance to the royal family he was permitted nearly everywhere with few exceptions. While it might look suspicious for him to loudly clank his way into a hallway, stare every guard in the eye before whirring around and vanishing down a side passage, he wasn’t actually doing something he wasn’t allowed to.

Nino slid into a dim corridor, which was quite the feat in metal boots to be honest (and fairly loud), and quickly accessed his surroundings, his heart sinking to see no guards in sight. He was near the bottom now and this would soon let out into the courtyard, these storage rooms holding nothing of value that needed to be locked away or looked after. She’d have a dead sprint from here to the open night, and she had quite a lead on him. If he had even correctly guessed her path, he reminded himself. However, his pessimism warmed just slightly as he looked to the end of the corridor.

The door leading out into the courtyard was ever so slightly ajar, the torch light of a passing patrol illuminating the dark stone of the wall. Nino’s pulse quickened as he approached, regretting his noisy entrance now and approaching the door quietly. Surely, he had paced her… surely she hadn’t made it so astonishingly far, but he knew better than to underestimate her.

His heart was racing as he reached for the door, waiting until the torch light faded before slowly pushing it outward, just enough to see.

From his nearly crouched position what he could primarily see was flowers. They were all garish, exotic flowers, the big kind that had unnaturally vibrant colors and attracted flies and beetles. They were foreign though, and he assumed they must be a symbol of wealth of some kind. The kingdoms natural flowers were certainly more pleasant, but rich folk didn’t always care for that sort of thing, which is why this garden wound its way all beneath the guest chambers high above. This garden, the West Garden, was not the one known to be tended to by the Queen (likely why it was so unpleasant up close) but it looked extravagant from a distance he was sure. The stalks were thick and the creeping plants were tall, a suitable place to hide, if not to take your daily strolls.

Nino entered the garden as quietly as possible, closing the door behind him to mimic how he had found it. His body was tense and he could feel his own panic building, doubting himself still and wondering if he was just wasting time. If he was wrong about this he’d have to explain why he waited so long to say anything, he’d be fired but even worse she could get hurt. Worse than anything the princess could be putting herself in danger, and he needed-

He stilled.

Ahead of him by forty yards or so in this long, stinking garden was a subtle flash of movement, amidst a particularly thick row of bushes.

His breath caught as the movement flashed again, and he saw the unmistakable white hem of a dress drag against the ground. He could hardly see her she was crouched so tightly in the dark, but her fidgety movement gave her away. She hadn’t seen him yet, overly confident in the path she had taken and focusing only on the path again.

He made the critical mistake of looking away, leaning out a bit to get a look at what she was so focused on. As he did so he saw to the edge of the garden and further still, out across the bare cobbled ground of the courtyard. Appropriately, a patrol of four guardsmen were passing them by, their torches flickering with their steps. They were headed towards the main gate still far in the distance, and as he assessed it, he saw a shape dart through the dark.

He turned to look as a woman ran, attempting he figured in some way to look casual, if anyone could look casual while clearly trying to evade notice. The unseen guardsmen manning a blind spot she hadn’t accounted for shouted out in surprise as she tried to cling to the darkness of the wall, and she only dared a handful more steps before the patrol turned to look.

Nino looked on in horror as the princess was caught, guards quickly turning to attention and hurrying towards her. It was a fool’s plan and doomed for failure but he couldn’t help the way his heart sank with her posture. Alya stilled… and quieted, refusing to move at first. He could see it even at a distance, as he hurried to stand and stumbled forward.

He could see how straight her back became, how resigned her posture appeared.

He didn’t have a plan as he approached them, hustling now as he saw her fist ball up in the fabric of her dress. He had a lot of things to say but didn’t have the faintest idea what kind of order to put them in.

So the first thing he settled with was a lie.

“Hold on! Hold on, it’s alright! She’s with me.”

Nino stiffened under their gaze, a crowd of armored men turning to look at him in surprise. He wasn’t sure how he appeared but didn’t have the time to worry about it, floundering slightly as Alya herself turned to regard him.

He hesitated for possibly a moment too long as he finally joined the group, gesturing to the princess. “She is with me. Um… her highness, she requested a walk before she retired for the night. A bit of fresh air. Um,” he wavered, desperately trying to sound flat and orderly as Alya gave him an incredulous look. “I was trailing behind at her request, so she could have some space. I’m sure you thought she was out here alone but, clearly, that is not the case. Because I am here with her.”

There was a beat of silence.

“So all is well,” he concluded, hot panic settling on his shoulders as the men looked between themselves. He saw some kind of expression flicker across Alya’s face that he didn’t quiet catch, deciding in a moment that that was probably for the best. The silence was tense, before finally, gratefully, Alya cleared her throat.

“Yes… that is the case. I just wanted to have a bit of time in the courtyard, that’s all. This kind guard agreed to accompany me. I apologize if I frightened you somehow, I know I can walk… briskly.”

As she said this she moved slowly to his side, the awkwardness of the whole encounter starting to get to them.

“Ah, well… it’s quite alright, your highness,” the guard who spotted her finally relented. He shot Nino a weird look which Nino only matched with a nod.

“It’s getting late your highness,” Nino said pointedly, glancing to the side at her. She was looking up at him thanks to their somewhat significant height difference, and he did his best to keep his tone neutral. “Is that enough fresh air for one night?”

Alya tensed and let out an audible exhale, clearing her throat again and flattening her dress. As he turned to look at her more fully he noticed her slyly scraping some dirt from her shoes, her tone stilted as she said, “Yes, I should think so. If you could please return me to my room.”

“As you wish,” was his only reply, relieved as the other men began to drift away.

Alya turned quickly on her heel, brushing past him and walking without further prodding towards the closest entrance. He couldn’t quite place the feeling in his chest as they headed for the steps, noticing that she was stubbornly refusing to look at him at all for a while.

He was struggling with what he thought of it as they entered the hallway, starting the walk back through familiar walkways with no commentary.

When she finally looked back at him her face was full of something like embarrassment and stubbornness, and he could not help himself as he settled on at least one of the things he was feeling.

He was feeling smug.

"I wasn't-"

"Oh, I’m sure you weren't."

"I was just-"

"Of course."

"I was going to-!"

"Surely your highness," he quipped with a note of finality, surprised at his own boldness but unable, truly unable to help himself. He couldn’t deny his irritation, relief a prominent feeling as well. And smugness, there was definitely smugness.

She huffed, facing forward again and marching quicker. He wasn’t going to complain for that, and even if he was still wise enough to have a chill up his spine for upsetting her he had reason enough to believe she wouldn’t have him hanged for a little back talk.

Get him hanged for losing her though, that surely she failed to consider.

She had set the pace sharp and fast, probably eager to be rid of him, but as they got nearer to her room her steps slowed. She dropped back a little, like she was trying to drag it out, and as she did… his stomach sank a little.

He felt like he was marching her to prison.

He was trying to rationalize with himself that he was just doing his job, when suddenly he heard her speak, so quietly he almost missed it.

“The poppies are going to die soon.”

“Your highness?” he asked, trying to step closer but she stayed ahead of him, looking away.

“The poppies in the field,” she replied, just as quiet. “They’ll be gone within a week. I was just…”

When she didn’t finish, their steps were the only thing he could hear. He struggled with what to say, that sinking feeling changing into something else that was harder to name. Something near to guilt but… smothered by his responsibility. He tried to speak, but she didn’t look at him, and he didn’t know if he was supposed to.

His nerves at what to do reached a breaking point as they finally neared the royal chambers, Nino actually starting to feel a bit sick. He internally berated himself for panicking but, he couldn’t help it. He could tell from Alya’s stilted steps that she too was feeling anxious, but at their approach rather than the silence. Neither of them knew exactly what they were going to say next.

His jaw was taut as the time was lost to him. They cleared the final step, and all too soon he was forced to step up to face it head on.

As they approached the guard did as they were trained to do and turned to appraise whomever was seeking access. However, what they certainly did not expect to find was someone who was, as far as they were aware, already inside.

There was an audible sound from every guard gathered, all six men tensing when they saw the eldest princess standing stiffly. She had her head held high and her chin up as they strangled out a gasp of sorts, the most shocked coming from the two most panicked personal guards Nino had ever seen.

“Wh- y- your highness!”, one of her personal guards shouted, looking at his partner, and then at the door they were guarding, and then back to the princess. “You weren’t-,”

“Princess!”

“Lahiffe!” barked a guard, “What is the meaning of this?”

The men all took a step forward, Alya’s two guard’s descending on them quickly as Alya held herself straight, prepared to try and regain control but feeling caught out. Nino instinctively took a step forward, not even considering the possible ramifications of doing so but choosing to put Alya behind him as the men moved towards her. He could clearly see the flash of rage in their expressions when he did it, but Nino was too on edge to care, bolstered in his stance when he felt Alya take a step behind him.

“Well- I just-” Alya began, taking a deep breath to defend herself to the crowd,

when suddenly everyone’s blood ran cold.

At the pointed sound of a door opening.

Alya and Nino both paled in horror as her royal highness, the Queen of Aquitani stepped from her room, every man frying on the spot as she abruptly entered a situation they had no grasp on. The men were reeling from the moment as it was, and suddenly before the Queen?

Nobody knew what the hell to do.

Marlena took an innocent step forward, obviously having been wrapped up in her own thoughts as she stepped out of her chamber. She didn’t look up at first as she assessed some scroll of paper she held in her hands, only looking up to find the nearest guard when she was satisfied with the message she had prepared.

What she hadn’t been expecting, was to find six fully armored men scattered about the hallway and not at any of their posts, looking desperately caught out with her daughter staring wide-eyed at her from behind a seventh guard who looked like he was going to pass out.

Marlena took a moment to look between them all, before straightening up and settling on her daughter. “Alya, what is this? Care to explain?”

The silence, for a moment, was deafening, every man gathered rising to complete attention and clinging to their formal training for some clue of what to do here. Nino did not miss four of the guards subtle attempt to get back to where they were supposed to be, no doubt hoping to blend in to the scenery itself and leave the situation to the morons that were involved in it. As the slunk back to their spots as professionally as possible Nino had just enough time to lock eyes with Alya’s two personal guards.

The message was clear.

‘Don’t do it boys. Don’t fucking do it.’

Alya cleared her throat unsteadily, fixing a smile to her face as she stepped out around Nino, staying close to his side however as she greeted her mother.

“Mother! Hello, I hope we weren’t disturbing you, no everything’s alright. I just, I wanted to see how to twins were uh, behaving! I had heard them getting loud and wanted to make sure they were behaving for their guard but I knew if I said something in front of them they'd deny it and Nino, their guard" she prefaced, unsure if her mother remembered his name and gesturing to him awkwardly, "He might not want to say, in front of them. so I  uh, I..." Alya stalled, losing momentum underneath her mother’s withering gaze. She looked to the side at Nino, and to his horror he realized he was expected to help lie.

To the QUEEN.

Nino floundered for a moment, standing up as straight as he could as he said, “Um, your Majesty. The princess called me out briefly at the end of my shift, to discuss the twins. I was um, debriefing her on their behavior at her request- which is why we are out here… in the hallway.”

“Yes,” Alya quickly agreed, nodding confidently, and giving her mother a warm smile. Her personal detail were sweating bullets as they spoke, trading a glance between each other, and looking uncertainly again to Nino. He gave them the exact same expression as before.

‘Don’t do it.’

There was an awkward beat for a moment before Alya said, “How are you mother? Doing well?” And another cheesy smile.

“Hm,” was all Marlena replied at first, narrowing her eyes slightly and looking to the other two guards who hadn’t managed to fade away as convincingly as the others. “Is this the truth?”

Everyone in the hall felt cold as ice, every man here having a choice to make. To tell the truth would put them all at risk of punishment, or even reassignment. Regardless of whatever it was that the new guy had pulled off they were all present for when she must have gotten past them and they were all liable for her well-being. But she was FINE and she was here, and the new guy had somehow fixed it, so the only thing the truth would get them was trouble. All the men gathered could practically feel this sentiment radiating out of the commoner guard, standing tall (if a bit pale) and taking a ridiculous gamble to keep his job. And really, wouldn’t any man do the same if in the end it was no harm done?

The personal detail traded one last glance between them before turning towards the queen, both of them nodding obediently in confirmation.

“Yes your Majesty,” they both echoed, Marlena quirking an eyebrow but making no comment at first.

The queen looked between all who were gathered, squaring her daughter with a serious look, before finally she relented.

“Very well then. My day was fine sweetheart, and while I’m happy to see you minding the girls you should be getting some rest.”

“Yes of course mother, I was just going to bed.”

Alya gave a tight curtsy to her mother out of respect, the guards present giving their finest bow. The Queen turned to give one of her own guards her message, and Alya began to head for her room without further prompting. Her guards escorted her a bit more firmly then was completely necessary, but she allowed it without complaint.

Nino lingered, looking quickly between the Queen and Alya’s retreating form, but the princess was almost completely obscured by the guards who quickly ushered her away. She was lost from sight behind shining armor and stiff formalities, until abruptly the door was shut, and he was out of place.

It took only a few more seconds before the glare of the guards started to pressure him to leave, the panicked energy of the two guards who almost lost it all being converted into postures more befitting a pair of statues. Still though, Nino found himself staring at the heavy oak door… before leaving with what he might have said stuck in his chest.

With his station replaced he had no reason to stay and doing so any longer than he had would surely draw the attention of the queen again, so leaving was the only smart thing to do. It was the ONLY thing to do, because that was his job.

So why then, did he feel choked?

Nino hurried down steps, anxiety creeping up his arms and making him eager to get to his quarters. Before he had been tired, but now he was alive with nervousness. His smugness was as dead to him as his weariness, and the only thing he could think of was the princess.

There had been no closure, everything had happened too fast. Yet he ran through it in his head and it all felt like years apart.

He had meant to be playful, in a way. He had felt smug catching her as he did (or rather catching UP to her) and was foolish enough to tease her in what little ways he could. But her embarrassment in the hallway had been real, and while she had nearly cost the livelihoods and careers of every man in the wing, he too had caused her some humiliation. Not to mention the comment she had made about the poppies… the quiet whisper of her voice…

Now if all things were equal, what she had done was far worse than any transgression from him. Yes he’d caught her out and made an awkward moment for her, but she seemed to have no understanding of the kinds of consequences her actions could have on others. There is no reason they all should have had to lie to keep their jobs, she shouldn’t have been trying to lose them their jobs in the first place!

So maybe that’s what he was feeling? Angry? He mulled it over as he quickly stepped to the side, narrowly avoiding a train of servants toting sheets and blankets.

He clung to the corner and rounded the final rung towards the guards quarters, but before he could cross any real distance the thought was mostly gone from his mind.

No, he decided as he entered the empty common area, he wasn’t angry.

Well maybe he could be, he was irritated but he could understand it from her perspective too. Brief though their interactions had been Nino didn’t truly believe that Alya was trying to harm anyone. If anything she probably had some far flung reasoning that escaping meant SHE was clever, not that THEY were incompetent. And that’s all well and good if that’s what she believes, but in the scheme of things that doesn’t really matter.

Nino allowed himself a heavy sigh, surprised to find himself alone for a change in his tiny, shared room. He was free to disrobe noisily, and for a moment he was tempted to let his armor all crash to the ground, but of course he didn’t do that. He took the weight of each piece into his hands, dusted them off, and set to cleaning them each one by one. Even as he engaged in this nightly ritual he found that buzzing, choking feeling in his chest hadn’t subsided, and the feeling he was grappling with remained frustratingly nameless.

It wasn’t his place to judge a princess, and certainly not to assume her thoughts or intentions. He thought he’d make a pretty poor attempt at it if he even tried, but still. Her actions were a little thoughtless, it may have been some kind of game to her but it wasn’t a game to them. Didn’t she understand that they were all just doing their jobs? The people who guarded her with their lives were not babysitters to be slipped or enemies to overcome. Each and every one of them had sworn fealty to her family name.

His hands slowed over the pauldrons of his armor, examining the warped reflection of his own face in the dim of the room. After a beat he rolled it between his hands, tracing the less refined interior of it . Because things always looked a little less refined on the other side…

He could sympathize with her frustration. Hadn’t he given the same grace to the twins earlier that day? And every day since he’d been charged to them? They were restless and restrained, for their own safety yes, but he couldn’t imagine how maddening that was. If his whole life was in a small stone room, reading and waiting and sounding smart and waiting and looking right and waiting and waiting…

He hummed a little to himself, flipping the pauldron lazily and catching it again, examining what he could make out of the room around him in its face.

Okay so he understood, he wanted to make it better for her, but that didn’t negate the risk of what she did. What if she’d been lost? Or hurt? Kidnapped? He wished the world was safe enough, that she could be normal but that just wasn’t the case.

He sighed. The feeling in his chested ebbed a bit as he confronted what he was feeling as a mixture of irritation and regret. He would have risked just a little bit more if he could have smiled, or even traded a look.

He hoped she understood that he was sorry, in a way. As much as he could be. As much as was reasonable.

As he sat there in his half armor he let the pauldron droop in his hands… and he wondered how much more he could risk, to say what little he’d had no time to say.

----

The next morning, Alya lay awake in her bed but left her eyes closed. She knew it wouldn’t be long before she was ushered away. Today there were the departing arrangements for the guests of theirs who had traveled the furthest, and there were political farewells to be made. She’d be expected to attend their closing sentiments and stand smartly off to the side as they spoke with her father.

She waited dejectedly to be told to move, allowing her sullen mood to have her for awhile. She wasn’t one to wallow, she knew she would wake and shake it off and just get on with it… but for the moment she allowed it. Just for a moment.

When the door to her chambers opened, she didn’t have to look up to see who it was. And she also knew that this particular handmaiden was perfectly aware of the fact that she was awake, her subtle weight settling on the mattress near her feet.

Alya sighed before cracking an eye, rolling her head to look at her favorite maiden. The girl had always been a blessing to her and was among the very few she’d be bold enough to call her friend. For a princess was afforded so few of such a precious thing.

Marinette gave her an unimpressed look, raising an eyebrow before looking away in an attempt to hide her smirk.

“So,” she started plainly, smoothing out her simple dress. “I heard you had an unsuccessful escape attempt last night.”

Alya groaned immediately, rolling over to grab a pillow and slam it to her face in one motion. She could hear Marinette snort and she projected to be heard through the goose down. “WHY did the guards say anything?? I thought they weren’t going to say anything??”

Marinette leaned over to pluck a stray goose feather sticking out of the pillow and held it pinched between two fingers, allowing her highness a moment to thrash in embarrassment before continuing. “Well if it makes you feel any better I don’t think anyone other than me knows, if I wasn’t the gossip would be all over by now.”

Alya pushed the pillow back enough to glare at her, but Marinette remained annoyingly resistant to it. “Then how do YOU know?”

“I’m a special case.”

“Oh?” Alya glowered at her as the maiden seemed suddenly distracted by something, looking down at her apron before looking away again, an eager yet nervous smile on her face for some reason. By the time she looked back at her again, the giddiness was clear in her entire being and she was wiggling a little on the bed.

“Yes, cause you know I had needed an explanation. It looked VERY strange when I was approached this morning, especially with what he was asking me to do so obviously I made him tell me the whole story.”

She gestured to her apron pocket, and for the first time Alya noticed a small, folded cheese cloth just barely poking out.

“It would have been a bit suspicious otherwise” Marinette continued vaguely, almost too giddy to finish. “Had Nino just given me this with no explanation I could imagine it would look a little… out of place. Which is probably why he was completely flushed head to toe when he was telling it to me. He was very insistent that I reassure him it was perfectly appropriate, I think he might have bolted otherwise.”

At the mention of Nino’s name Alya sat up, leaning over to look a little closer at what Marinette was referring to but the maiden pulled away, probably to prolong the drama. The princess frowned then, a bit put out by the mention of the twins’ guard. He had protected her, lied for her even to get her out of trouble but…

She wavered, wondering what she was so annoyed about. She decided quickly it was at Marinette, who was dancing away from her now pulling a vase from a forgotten place on the wall.

“Oh get to the point! What did he say? What did he give you?”

Marinette grinned widely, setting the vase down on a nearby table but returning to her highness’s side to carefully pull the bundle from its place, handling it as if it were made of gold. “Oh nothing much…”

Slowly she extended the white cloth, bulky and loose as if surrounding something frail as Marinette explained, “He had wanted me to say for him that he was sorry for embarrassing you, he was just trying to do his job. And that he wanted me to give you this, before they were all gone.”

Finally she unfolded the cloth, gently, and the Princess looked down to see what had made her maiden so excited.

Alya froze, only her mouth moving as is parted in a silent gasp. She thought too her hand must have frozen, but after a time, her index finger reached out without her command to do so.

And stroked a single red petal, of summer’s last poppies.

[ar3s-r4t-qu33n]

My (Updated) Thoughts on Rush Week (Pre Release)

Um...

So I'm not super stoked-

Firstly, the matter of it being randomised and solo Q

I don't HATE this, but I do feel as though it could have been done differently. I wasn't around for Friday 13th the Game and from what I did see of that game, I didn't rate it. I didn't like the gameplay, the characters or the IP (I've never been a Jason girlie, I'm sorry 😞). So the fact that this is a reskin of that game doesn't really excite me.

Now, I personally play a lot of Solo Q Family AND Victim already, because the person I usually play with is kinda out of commission rn and I'm too shy to ask strangers to play with me 🧍 and I have to say, I haven't really enjoyed it. Family is easy, though since I play Sissy, I don't get a lot of kills or like... Much to do? I don't blood rush because that's really fucking annoying when Family do it, I don't go down to the basement every because it's just unfair, so I just kinda run around playing defence until I either run into someone or the game ends. I used to be quite good, but idk. Recently a lot of my passion for the game has gone down, which happens, it's just a bit disappointing personally, but that's a me problem. As for Victim... It has not been fun at all. I haven't escaped much at all since I started playing Solo Q, and I know I'm not "bad" at the game. I taught my friends to play, I used to get a fair few escapes playing on my own, but recently, I'm getting nowhere and it really sucks, especially getting got by Johnny in five swings as Maria 😒

At the same time, I understand that making it a SWF experience would absolutely lead to bulky squads. Like, it already can devolve into bullshit, having six people throwing shit at Johnny? It'd be awful. At the same time... Not even duos?? Like, they could ensure they wouldn't be Johnny and a Victim, it could be easily done, I'm sure. But 2 against 1 is nowhere near as bad as 4 or 6 against 1. And then the randomisation makes sense for this mode, I guess?? Because it did for F13, but it's not really my thing. It's personal, but I also can't really see how else they'd do it, lobbies would be ridiculous.

The Sorority Girls Being Nameless

Yeah... Absolutely not.

I couldn't quite articulate my feelings on this matter, but @/rlnzlers on Twitter actually said it in a way I completely agree with:

It feels fucking tacky!!!

The Slasher Genre has always been controversial. Not for anyone with a brain (sorry 😶); those of us who are media literate and old enough to like, understand very basic concepts can see that reality and fiction are different things. You can make a movie about Michael Myers going to town on some teens, and that doesn't make you responsible for teen murder stats. Even if someone said "I wanted to be Michael Myers", that's a personal choice on them and they clearly need help and should get that help. It is not, nor will it ever be, on the creator of a piece unless they literally actively say "Go forth! Murder the youth, my children!!!!"

But regardless, it's controversial to those who don't get it. And a lot of early Slashers, the inventors of the genre, made it so the victims of these kills were people. That's the whole point, it's a tragedy of these people being killed in brutal, cool ways and then someone fighting evil and, more often than not, surviving to see the sun. Hell, The Texas Chain Saw Massacre works so well because we get to know the characters pretty well before they're killed! I thought Kirk was a sweetie, and seeing him die first sucked!! And then slowly they're whittled down until only Sally remains and she's traumatised!!! Obviously, not every Slasher goes that way. There was a good few years of "everyone sucks and then they die in a sick ass way" in Slasher movies, but most people don't like those films. They don't feel good, they don't feel like anything. Its misery and gore for misery and gore's sake.

Not to mention how close to Ted Bundy Johnny already was, this attack on the Sorority House is making him even closer to him. And so the fact that the girls are nameless, soulless and have no history?

It's gross. I'm sorry, I find it gross.

There are implications to things. Crazy, I know. But seeing the love and care that went into the original 8 Victims, only for this group of girls who exist only to be cunty cosmetics for that side of the fan base who just want hot, skinny girls to play dress up with and "be the final girl" without any of the history or meaning behind the title..? It's gross. They don't even have names! They're just bodies for Johnny to kill, and they're all women!! Like I'm sorry, I'm not exactly stoked to see a character I really find interesting and love slash his way through a bunch of women.

"but Liz, he's a cannibal serial killer"

I fucking know that, thanks, but at the same time, there is room for nuance?? Like, Johnny stalks and kills girls. Why? What reason does he have? Why is Maria special and different to him enough to keep alive? Why is he still doing this five years later? It's more than "nooo not my blorbo! He would never!" He would, but not like this. Not in such a way that feels like a real life true crime case. Because it feels like I'm watching someone put on makeup and tell me about The Sorority Slashings of 1978, not a fun game where I get to either slash or escape. It's not fun watching soulless women in a university get brutalised. It's not fun watching anyone who exists purely to die get brutalised. It makes me uncomfortable in a way that Slashers typically avoid. And it makes me especially upset because the Devs have done such a good job at making the characters so interesting and tragic and alive up until now. Ana and Maria's story is amazing! The female Victims have all been incredibly compelling to learn about and play as, I love each and every one of them and hope that Maria is able to somehow survive.

Knowing that Rush Week is just "Johnny kills six girls at school"? I doubt it. I did hold out hope that maybe in some fucked up way, the pair would actually make it work, and he'd kill Nancy, they'd run off together and either he'd stop killing for her or he'd kill in secret to get his feelings out and come home to her at the end of the day. I think it's more than clear now that Maria dies at the Slaughter House. Which really sucks, not only because she's our "Definitive Final Girl", but because I think it makes a much better story where she gets to live. But again, that's an opinion, everyone is entirely entitled to want the story to go whichever way they think it should, it's the Dev's decision in the end.

Idk. I'll give it a shot when it comes out, but they would have to release something AMAZING on that Content Pass for me to buy it for the early access. And I am excited to hear about what's happened post the main game!! We only know about Spring 1973, August 1973 and then 1986, there's so much time in between for stuff, especially with Johnny and Sissy and where they go once the Massacre in Newt is over. But I am more than disappointed that the direction the Devs have gone in is simultaneously fan-service-y towards (imo) some of the worst demographic (girlie on TikTok who want to play dress up with cunty outfits that aren't even period appropriate and are fatphobic to Julie, Maria and fucking Bubba because the worst thing you can be in the WORLD is not ozempic skinny, apparently), and does so in a way that gives us nothing but a shitty F13 reskin. We don't even have new characters, we have new blank slates to put whatever we want over. So many people have said if they wanted the fans to make their own lore, they could have incorporated a small character creation mode, but they haven't. And might I just add that we're also getting more characters of colour finally, but that they are also nameless bodies for Johnny to kill?

Idk. It's tacky and I don't like it. I'll give it a shot when it comes out for free, but I can't see it being my thing. I hope for the rest of you, you really enjoy it and I REALLY hope that Johnny gets some good fucking lore in this mode, but I'm not holding my breath, unfortunately.

And like, please tell me what y'all think!! I'm more than willing to have a conversation about this (so long as people are civil and polite ofc)!!!

[illegalmushrooms]

shrooooms, the kids miss uu where art thou 😭

... hey!

(incoming yap session, beware)

This is a little awkward. I haven't touched my Tumblr in like, apparently three years. There's some questions in my inbox, but they're so old it feels a bit strange to answer them now, right? 😭

Anyway. It's nice to see you! Whoever you may be! (Are the kids OK?)

Last week, for god knows what reason, I re-donned my mushroom hat (humor me for a moment and imagine a Mario Toad-style monstrosity) and published a new (old) chapter of Don't Leave! (y'all remember that? Does anyone reading this right now remember or know who I am??).

Laying off the parentheses now--I explained in the chapter a bit of the future of the story and what was happening with me. Oh my gosh, is that a conveniently-placed link to the chapter down below?

As I mentioned somewhere in that conveniently-placed link, I'm mostly fine, and there's nothing else I have written for Don't Leave! so far.

Well...

Okay, so that's a complete and utter lie. I do have something written. But I'm afraid it's not very useful.

I actually wrote... a complete, very dramatic ending to the story. It's an interesting ending, to say the least, but of course, the story is nowhere near that point. I'd have to write another thirty-forty-who knows more chapters or something to even reach this supposed ending, and by then I might not even like the idea I have there.

I guess that's not relevant. I suppose the point I'm trying to make is that I never, ever, forgot about Don't Leave! I've thought about it a lot, even when I haven't been writing a single word. I've been reading every comment and message I received across the different platforms, and you know, smiling stupidly at my phone every time. I've totally missed the world of fanfiction! I've missed Bella, the ridiculous character I conjured up within the depths of pandemic-era isolation! I've missed sitting down at my laptop and tap-tapping away and sinking into this wonderful world Togashi made!

So here's what I'm going to say about the story. (This post just gets longer and longer, doesn't it? Sorry!)

As of right now, there is no next chapter.

I can't say when there might be a next chapter.

I can say that maybe, life-permitting, I'll post something in the fall, if I can squeeze in some time to rewatch HxH. I've just... forgotten a lot of the go story's intricacies that an author has to keep in mind to write a comprehensible fic.

That's what I have to say about Don't Leave! .

(and, to anyone who might be thinking of those other fics I wrote, which I highly doubt anyone is... I actually have a few chapters of them simmering in my docs somewhere. But I'm a bit embarrassed about it, so let's consider them dead for the moment, alright?)

Now that I've cleared that up, and some of my conscience along with it, I suppose I'll drop in a tiny life update for any curious souls. I've never disclosed much about myself and I'd like to consider myself awful cool and mysterious, but can I speed run certain vague life events from my past three years?

I... survived a car crash, travelled to new countries and places, moved, wrote a ton (fanfic and general fiction, all of it kind of ass), survived a fire, worked and toiled to the capitalist machine, had a couple mental breakdowns, conquered the mental health, lost it again, conquered again...

...and so on...

What's next for me?

I am hesitant of publishing anything else at the moment. I have a lot of fics I'd written just sitting in my files; everything from miscellaneous anime stuff to Harry Potter to this one reallllly odd story about isekai-ing into Minecraft, of all things. (I actually kind of like that one. Don't know if there's an audience for that kind of thing, though). My writing has absolutely improved since those admittedly rough early chapters of DL (I am ASTOUNDED it ever gained the little audience that it did) but there's still an anxiety I have about sharing my work. Silly, yes, but that's that.

For right now, I have the new DL chapter, I have this long-ass update post, and I have my genuine appreciation.

Much love to anyone who might still care. <3

Until next time?

Illegal Mushrooms

[sinnerandafool]

I've been off Tumblr for a while because I just needed a break. In fact, I meant to get off most social media except Instagram (which I supposedly need to use in order to bolster my business as a hairdresser). However, my stupid old human brain that craves dopamine will literally not stop going on Reddit to read the various headlines of human folly. Reddit is so easy to access in a web browser. For some reason, Tumblr is not the same, and so if I delete the app from my phone it essentially disappears. Idk why. "Psychology", I guess.

Anyway, on Reddit I am served content relevant to myself, such as Seattle, Fall Out Boy, eating disorders, hairdressers complaining and panicking, and, most notable for this post, Watcher Entertainment drama.

The Watcher thing started like four or five months ago when they announced they would be switching to their own streaming site. I'm sure many Watcherinas will remember that day and the following week vividly. It was so impactful it took over the r/watcherentertainment subreddit and the watcher tags here on Tumblr for a while. It even got a cute little nickname: "Watchergate". I had to block users for the first time in my life because I was just so tired of reading the same misinformation about Watcher over and over again.

My reaction was to retreat from Tumblr, but I continue to lurk on Reddit, and I read threads on r/WatcherSnark frequently, reading the same misinformation about Watcher over and over again. My strategy didn't work well. The very idea of creating a whole separate community just to hate on something is pretty wild, but the snark subreddit is currently wayyy more active than the regular one so...they must be on to something. But I have to say: it's very fucking depressing to read those threads. It reminds me of reading the comment section on a Kamala Harris interview. Just loads of MAGA people reiterating the same talking points again and again, and getting a minuscule dopamine hit when someone likes their comment. It's a circlejerk in the most classic sense of the word.

Which is why I've been thinking, lately, that I don't want Watcher to share their next "Making Watcher" video with the public at all. Like, why even bother? Whether this streaming site has been a success, or whether its been a failure, why bother sharing your heartfelt behind-the-scenes look at Watcher with people who are just waiting for the next out of context line to ridicule? At this point, wouldn't it be better to keep this content to the streaming site? It's been FOUR months since Watcher made their ill-fated announcement, and the r/WatcherSnark users are still ruminating on it.

I'm not speaking as an authority on public relations or social media management, but I just don't want to see the trolls fed. And I'm sorry, I truly am, but people who are still harping on about "25 employees" and "expensive weddings" and "Sara's designer tote bag" at this point are trolls. The Internet at large just kinda sucks these days.

I'm sorry to anyone who wastes their time reading this. :( It's what I would post on Reddit if I wasn't so sure I would be shouted down by a group of bad faith commenters. I would love if anyone could update me on an active and positive community surrounding Watcher since I've been away for a few months.

(Also yeah, I know I just shouldn't read negativity. I am drawn to discourse like a moth to the flame.)