#ThisIsMyNameNowPoetry

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

They say to remove yourself from the problem

So I go to the bathroom

With a razor

And scissors 

And shave off all my hair

And cut into my skull

And pull my brain out bit

By bit

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I bought hoop earrings today

I want to text you

Just to get a compliment

I bought hoop earring today,

You’ll never see them in person,

You’ll never even want to,

I’m unimportant

Those texts only had meanings 

While it was happening,

But it’s over.

It’s over.

You ruined it.

Fuck you.

I love you,

But respectfully,

See what I’m worth, 

And I know my face card might not be much,

But my heart is way prettier than yours can ever be now.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I’m in love with my future,

I don’t know who she is,

She looks happy though,

She’s sitting in her apartment

Looking out the window

From the window seat she’s always wanted

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Nothing’s impossible

But everything I want

Seems very

Very

Unlikely. 

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Here’s something they don’t tell you,

They don’t tell you how deeply you’re buried

Until suddenly

Someone comes in

And it’s like you’re flying;

You lose sense of your body

Walls seem like nothing

Everything is new

You found what you were searching for

And every other moment seems unimportant

The ice you never knew you were

Melts.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

She loves me

(we have our own secret heart chain, she's the only person I feel like I can tell anything to, everytime we talk she makes me smile, we love the same things, I stalk every post she makes, she looks at all my stories, I have a book of poetry written about her)

She loves me not

(she ghosted me for two months, missed my birthday, found other online friends, talked about me behind my back, doesn't say 'I love you' anymore, made me feel the worst I've ever felt)

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Possible TW: OCD compulsions

I'm too superstitious

God every number counts

Every touch to something must be repeated

I can't listen to this song

I can't eat this

There's a spot there

I must peel the skin off

I must pause it here

I can't lose this

So I'll tap five times

And everyone knows three's never work

And if I play this game

Then I'll miss this

And if I watch something

I'll love them more

And I care

But I can't

And I shouldn't

And the order of everything matters

And if I did something different

I might be somewhere else

And what if I did it wrong?

Whatiswhatifwhatif?

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

She is a ghost

Everyone else feels like ghosts

She can never touch them

Or feel them

Or see them properly

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I tried to water you, Rose

I tried and I tried

And I kept you

And watched you

But this past week

I haven’t picked up the can

I think I’ll throw you back in the garden,

A Rose among weeds

I’ll let you stay there

And maybe you’ll climb back into my window

And I’ll still look at you every day

And remember the plans,

But I think,

I think

We’re okay

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

You know you left me

But I keep coming back

  For more

  Because I love you

      Just a bit too much

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Summer skies And an adolescence of wondering

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Sometimes I worry

That I won't love you

Anymore

So I sit in my mums car

And listen to the song I got today

As a Christmas present 5 hours after the rest

And look through photos

All of them

And ask what you're doing to me now

Because you really did come out of the blue

And,

As far as I can tell

No matter what the OCD says

Yoy really do seem to be

All I've ever wanted ♡

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I don’t just serve my heart on a platter,

I rip it out

And go to the kitchen 

Careful to get the biggest knife

And chop it out perfectly

Then wash the dishes

And make sure the plate is pure gold

And make sure there is a full set of cutlery

Then I add a note

Next to my heart on the gold plate;

Delicate,

Handle with care

So you cut it open

And look through it

Searching every artery 

For a fragment of you

It doesn’t take you long

A photo seems to be in constant circulation 

And you don’t want this

You thought that eating my heart would be funny

You thought I’d never give it you,

Well guess what,

I did,

And I’ve done it many times before,

I always cut it out just right

And wash the dishes

And get it squeaky-clean

Just for you

Because maybe you’ll learn to sit and look at it

Maybe you’ll handle it 

Like the art that it is

But you’re gluttonous 

And hungry and desperate

So you cut it up

While I watch from overhead

To see what you do

You cut it up

And find your own little cave in there

And eat it

Right in front of my face.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I’m a gift

I’m kind and nice

And my brain works properly I swear

I can count my mental diagnoses on two hands

And I’m barely making it to school

But I’m fine

I’m fun to be around

I mean I am when I’m alone

And when my brain’s entertaining me

And I just found out a new fact

So let’s add it it the collection of the other 100

That I know on a singular person

I’m kind

I give out more than people can chew

And I’m nice

Because I’ll apologise for everything

I am enough

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

i hope when i read these back

in a year

i smile

and remember

and they will be dedicated to someone else

i hope we're back

but i don't think that'll happen

i think i'm still going to miss you

but that's okay

~ i'm going to love a peice of you forever

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

you didn't warn me

about the darkness you harbored

but i didn't mind

when i looked under the sheets

and found it under the bed

i cradled it

trying to protect it

so i knew where it was

so it wouldn't eat either of us

you snatched it back

before i could get to know it

like i know you

you kept it hidden

and let it kick me out

i've snuck back into your room

i'm picking it up

trying to teach it love

because i didn't deserve that