thisismynamenowxpoetry - Tumblr blog

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

<333

<3

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

They say the monsters hide under your bed,

But under my bed

There's only a sliver of space

Which makes sense

Really,

It has to be small enough

To get inside my brain

And undo the wiring

That everyone has

My monsters started under my bed

But at night

They crawl through to my skull

And make a home for themselves there

I'm scared to befriend them

Because what if they're right?

What if it is ending

And the spot on my chest means nothing?

They must be atoms

Playing games with me

For their own sense of enjoyment

I tame them,

Sometimes,

Sometimes we go out for a walk

And stare at that abandoned building

But sometimes

I just want to rip my brain out.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I'm a writer

It's in me

It's too deep in my veins

To pull out

I bleed words,

And I drink them

Before I wake up,

I find them festering in my dreams

Waiting to be turned into art

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Just say sorry and let’s move on

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Why is getting notes on here so difficult? I used to average a fair few, now I’m lucky if I get two. I find social media so fun yet frustrating. Anyway

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I don't miss you

But I think about you every waking second

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I'm sick of this life,

Watching people on the TV

That seem to know what they're doing

I can't stay here

Wishing to go anywhere

Be with someone else

Feel loved

I do not inhabit my body,

No,

I am my eyes

Watching as my decisions

Bring me no closer to where I want to be

I'm stuck in this life,

I just want to be able to call it mine

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

The longer I'm alone The less alone I feel

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

If you want to know me,

Really know me,

Trust me or hate me,

Judge it off my writing

Please

This is the only place

I think

I sound okay.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Why am I so paranoid, I love you, you’re staying, it’s reduuclous what my brain thinks, please help me, I’m drowning, save me, I found things online and I smiled and watched and I didn’t overthink but now I’m overthinking my god help me now

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I watch the same shows

Over and over

Because they're familiar

And I know when to laugh

And cry

And I'm not

Normal,

That much is clear

I have things from my childhood

Hidden in my wardrobe

Where I can't reach

Because they're haunted,

If I touch them I'll cry

And I don't cry,

I'm good

I'm not a bother

I don't dress up

I don't makeup

I don't anything,

Really

I talk to the same people

And waste my life

On the internet

I read the same books

I watch the same movies

With the same actress

Who is everything to me

I don't revisit the past,

I can't deal with that

I can't deal with anything,

Really

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I have issues

You have issues

But yours should never have come before mine.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

There is no easy way to write about trauma. We are conditioned to think it's not valid, it's dumb, we should get over it. If it's not easy to hear, if it's not easy to believe, how are we meant to live with it? Everyday?

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

No one believes me

When I say how bad my year 6 teacher was,

Maybe that's just because it's too much to wrap their heads around

But I get mad either way

No one believes me

When I say I'm sad,

I smile all the time

I must be okay

No one believes me

When I say I hate TikTok

I'm fifteen

I'm meant to cut until I bleed.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I'm five

Mother tells me not to follow men

Mother tells me not to get in a van

Mother tells me don't leave her side

I'm seven

Mother tells me

If a man approaches

Say my dad's strong

Which is funny

To seven year old me -

I don't have a dad,

Men are bad

I'm ten

My friend tells me everyone has a dad

My mother looks at her

Says "not everyone"

I'm twelve

I have TikTok

What is rape?

Why do we fear men?

I'm thirteen

I'm walking the dog

I get cat-called

At the park.

My mum's in the car,

I tell her,

She sighs,

It was bound to happen

I'm fourteen

I know why my mum flinches whenever rape is mentioned

But I don't say anything

I'm fifteen

I'm walking to the bookstore

A car of boys roll their windows down

Say something

Laugh

Oggle

I'm fifteen

Men say it's not their fault

But I've been taught

To fear them

For as long as I've lived.

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

Wow. Uhm. Okay. Thank you. I wouldn’t have thought this would happen that quickly. Thank you ❤️

[thisismynamenowxpoetry]

I am that desperate for connection

I’ll talk to someone

No matter how draining

No matter how much they annoy me

Just because

I

Miss

You

You

Fucker