#Three Marks of Existence
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Transcending Limits: The Path to True Freedom Through Impermanence, Compassionate Mindfulness, and Wisdom
Human existence is often constrained by self-imposed limitations, attachments, and suffering. Photo by Snapwire on Pexels.com However, through a deep recognition of impermanence, the cultivation of compassionate mindfulness, and the alignment of our actions with wisdom, we can transcend these limitations, fostering joy and achieving a profound form of freedom. This journey is neitherâŚ

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#Anatta#anicca#attachments#Bhagavad Gita#Buddha#Buddhism#Buddhist philosophy#buddhist wisdom#commitment#continuous practice#Dukkha#freedom#Grow#Growth#impermanence#introspection#limitations#Marcus Aurelius#mindfulness#non-self#Philosophy#Raffaello Palandri#Sati#Stoic philosophy#Stoic wisdom#suffering#Three Marks of Existence#Tilakkhana#wisdom
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Wassily Kandinsky :: Dull Rise, 1924, Oil on canvas
* * * *
Sometimes when Iâm asked to describe the Buddhist teachings, I say this: Everything is connected; nothing lasts; you are not alone. This is really just a restatement of the traditional Three Marks of Existence: non-self, impermanence, and suffering.Â
âLewis Richmond, "The Authentic Life" [Thanks Candace]
[alive on all channels]
#Wassily Kandinsky#about art#Dull Rise#Lewis Richmond#The Authentic Life#Buddhist teachings#Three Marks of Existence#quotes
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you ever just have a lot, a LOT of feelings all at once about a character and not even remotely enough words or brainpower to FORM the words to describe everything you're feeling. so it feels like you may explode. yeah
#sorry i got really into my feelings about mark hoffman again#the very specific version of him in my brain that i really really wish i had the time and energy to properly share with you guys#saw#well until i muster the energy to explode all of my feelings out into a fic. if you want to TRY and understand#know that my three biggest hoffman fic insps right now are as follows#your best kept secret hoffman. a series of mistakes hoffman. and rushed like a dreadful wind hoffman.#there is a very clear throughline just know i am extremely emotionally compromised rn#thinking about theee fics vs the canon path hoffman spirals down#something something the absolute tragedy of watching a man's descent into madness#the transformation of a man into a monster#and what could have saved him from himself and kramer's corruption#sorry i'm rambling so much oh my god i was just having such a crying fit out of nowhere about this#do you think he could feel it happening. do you think he was aware he was losing his mind.#the script version of him fucks with me so bad. the crazed rankings and the longer hair and him not being well kept anymore#it's impossible to think he didn't know he was deteriorating#fuuuck okay i need to either chill or write a whole longfic rn#i project on that guy so much i truly don't know if i could properly write my vision of him#until i do something more substantial the full extent of my hoffman exists for me and my boyfriend only. they get me like no one else#well ginny and jenna also get me. please read best kept secret and a series of mistakes Oh My God#where am i going with this. i like tag rambling actually this is a nice way to do it without forcing EVERYONE to read my delirium#anyways if you've read all of this i think i love you? feel free to dm me about hoffman and my very specific headcanons and aus#maybe soon i'll try and start writing my fics about this tragic man#i could never say any of this on twitter btw they'd string me up for my opinions on him as a sad wet beast who could have been fixed#if only he hadn't been weaponized first#god i'm too tired to even be as embarrassed about this as i should be. thought i unlearned cringe already#but i've been spending way too much time on twitter and they HAAATE hoffman there#rip. i know it's not that serious but i'm sensitive rn and hate feeling lonely in my thoughts#ok bye for real otherwise i'll never shut up. i might tag ramble more often bc this was therapeutic in a way i needed badly#cat chat
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absolutely certain that helly is in fact helena is in disguise by this point and it was not a difficult thing to work out frankly but what absolutely knocks me on my ass is the REASON she's down there. after 2x01 we all assumed she was trojan horseing herself to spy on the rest of MDR and dissuade them from causing any more trouble. makes perfect sense right the fate of this company is in her hands. but NO!!! helena with her incredibly privileged spoiled brat outlook on everything, who has been told she's part of the most important lineage that's gonna save the world her whole life, sees a version of herself she heretofore did not even see as HUMAN forging the kinds of connections she has never had once in her life, and you think she's just gonna keep sending her down there and letting her have that? when she, the heiress of lumon and great granddaughter of kier, doesn't? she wants to experience what it's like to have no one expect anything of you, where you can express yourself however you want and kiss people just because you feel like it!! she views her innie as so far beneath her and yet she's so desperate for a taste of what it's like to be her! so much she's willing to KILL HER!! she's down there because she's fucking jealous of her innie!!! girl oh my god!!!!
#smth about incredibly rich and privileged people romanticising the plight of the lower classes IDK!!!!#it also makes me think of how in order to bring his own team back mark essentially had to kill 3 other workers#for the sake of his own comfort he sacrificed three people just like him#and helena wants what her innie has but still doesnt view her as a whole person with as many rights to life as her#by pretending to BE helly shes literally killing her#she only wants to consume her. still viewing her as a commodity that exists at her pleasure#once again the ruling class co-opting revolution to suit their own purposes#helena gets to cosplay someone she could never be because of the circumstance of her privilege#and helly is ever the victim#helena eagan i must study you#incredible how they managed to make her relatable and sympathetic on an emotional level#but still make it very clear she is an Antagonist and no matter what is always serving herself above all else#severance#severance spoilers#helena eagan#helly r#meta tag
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(i n / s p)
#mobius#loki#lokius#mcuedit#lokiedit#marveledit#owen wilson#tom hiddleston#something something mobius helping loki take some time only for the two of them to lose it even faster đđ#new year new techniques to properly convey the most tragically beautiful ship in existence my roman empire my everything#this has been ringing in my mind for them so loudly it's almost driven me insane lmao and yes expect equally angsty mobius sets to follow#requests first though which i'm starting now!#shoutout to getting the don funko today which tbh gave a serotonin boost to finish this in between my hellish work schedule đ
#he inexplicably got shipped in a package marked 'high priority' FOUR times doubled boxed and wrapped in three different paddings#aka what he deserves <33#marvel#owenwilsonedit#dianagifs#flashing cw
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char. design stuff and map update
The greek alphabet name system is for more technical classification, while names like ,,Children of Eos" [group Epsilon] and ,,Wish for Tomorrow" [group Tau] are used more by public and for grandioser introductions in political meetings.
#rw#rain world#oc tag#rw ancients#rw iterator#rw slugcat#oc: three sparrows#oc: the tinkerer#oc: orion's pathway#philosophy sessions au#my art#procrastinating on revising iterator anatomy/spirit body works and social structures + architecture by making a year due reference.#no more flipping through like 7 images half of which are ns|fw to get 'Row's damn markings down hallelujah..#yes those symbols are translatable and exist outside of my creation. one day i might make a conlang at this rate but not now
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Three once again being scribbled out. They are also excluded from the chart, having no arrows connected to them unlike the rest.
They are noticeably placed between Two and Four again.
#Four and One having a question mark between the#arrows#also interesting#three makes me so upset#ripped possibly from the world and peoples memories#previous people you were close to donât even remember#and itâs like you never existed at all#like ok#might cry now#bfdi tpot#tpot#tpot spoilers#three xfohv#three tpot#the power of two#bfdi#battle for dream island#xfohv#Iâm rambling
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Propaganda - I read through as much as I can so I don't know if this propaganda has been used yet but....
Colin Firth served so much as Darcy that when they did Bridget Jone's diary, they brought him back.... AS DARCY.
The smoulder. The angst.
The man is the quintessential Darcy.
Mr Darcy (1995) Vs Mr Darcy (2005)
#once twice three times a darcy#I like to pretend bridget jones 2 doesn't exist#propaganda#mr darcy#colin firth#mark darcy#pride and prejudice 1995#pride and prejudice
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listen. star wars is about letting go of selfishness and the hero's journey and space samurai and war etc etc but it is also about muppet aliens. do you understand me. if your star wars does not include little green frogs who speak bizarrely and sound like fozzie the bear then is it really star wars? no. thanks for coming to my ted talk.
#star wars#there are three types of non-human beings in star wars:#muppets (yoda)#human-looking aliens with different markings or additions (ahsoka or maul)#and robots (r2d2 or darth vader)#you can't just have the second two or it's not star wars!!!#sick of people saying that yoda and other funny looking aliens aren't serious enough for star wars#or that they ruin the story#my guy you don't get it!!!! that IS star wars!!!!#the muppets are integral!!!!!#yoda is hilarious and I want to see more people embracing the inherent chaos of a universe where something like him exists
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First of all, you have given me so much to work with, thank you so much. Second of all, Iâm really glad you could see where I was going with Grantâs real test not actually being about killing Slade. Third of all, I absolutely love what youâve suggested with the powers and I am currently designing met gala esque outfits for the trio and Taraâs specifically is really fun to play around with. Iâve been thinking to show theyâre becoming more divine Iâll change their hair and eye colours but not their faces for the most part. I was drawing robin Jason with Natalia and decided he should have brown eyes and a crooked nose from breaking it as a kid but once he returns his eyes get weird (eg go blue and occasionally other colours), a patch of his hair went white and he lost all of his scars. Also, I think the closer they get to divinity Iâm gonna draw cracks on their body that glow with their specific colours just to hammer home how theyâre shedding their mortal forms.
With Tara being able to see the strings of fate, I though itâd be fun to give her a harp and then with Jason having the see no evil trait I thought itâd be fun to give him weighing scales since lady justice wears a blindfold. Idk what to give Grant though. I mean probably a weapon of some sort or maybe a Shepardâs crook that he can turn into a scythe to play into the sheep, wolf, Hunter thing.
With Jason and Taraâs splintering, I love the idea of them making fun of Grant for being the baby god. He hasnât even had a cult yet, gosh heâs so young. Also them being besties just holds a special place in my heart.
And I just came up with this, of course they have parallels to the trinity but in universe rumours of their existence have been around much longer than Bruce, Clark and Diana. Theyâre the big three of the justice league but these guys are justice gods. So they start calling themselves the justice trinity but then people get confused about which trinity is which because the justice leaguesâ trinity sounds awfully close to the justice godsâ trinity. The new all caste is certainly more distinctive branding but the point isnât to be distinctive, itâs to be petty.
I'm so glad my unmedicated rambling helped!!! And I'm so excited for the outfits!!! I love when characters start becoming less and less human, when they're stuck in that uncanny valley spot of not quite human but not entirely Other, when they lose control and the cracks start to show...um I should probably give a warning for slight body horror elements. Not in the gore sense, in the "this body is not made of flesh and there is something divine clawing it's way out". Uh also there are teeth. Just. Teeth. I dipped into a little bit of cosmic horror at the end there because I wanted to cover my bases with mixed mythologies
Jason, with his defined splinters, is usually depicted with three faces in ancient texts. The Child, gaunt and dark colored, is said to appear before the downtrodden and impoverished. The few stories remaining tell of kindly people who give him an offering, and in exchange he reveals his true form, with his crown of golden ivy and beautiful strong wings to gift them bounties of food and water and riches. Other stories tell of not so kind encounters, where The Child witnesses an injustice - typically against women or children - and again reveals his true form, one with clawed hands and a mouth dripping with blood. Scholars argue what the wings looked like, but whichever All-Caste member annotated it before has compared their likeness to either a Robin or a Shrike.
There's also The Ghost, He appears young at first glance, but his hair is wirey and gray, his eyes milky and unseeing, in bloodied armor he greets the souls of the damned as they're delivered to him, and with scarred hands he wipes the tears of children taken too soon. Accounts of this face are few and far between, but all of them are entrenched in sorrow.
Finally there is The Soldier, scarred and still smoking from the ruins of battle he emerges, giving voice to the weak and resources to the needy. He champions revolutionaries and philosophers first, a strategist who delights in the liberation of the people from corrupt systems. Accounts of him usually come from times of famine and war, and he was particularly popular with poor villages, who would mark the graves of their dead with the symbol of his sword as offerings. For some reason or other, he got particularly popular with the youth, girls and boys both seemed to pray for him and leave him offerings.
The way these manifest on Jason is subtle at first. I could go the body horror route, but I won't. Yet. Instead I think his splinters show up as reflections, shadows, imprints. The faint echo of bell-like laughter when Jason does a move he learned as Robin, the image of a younger him with longer hair and unblinking eyes staring at him in the mirror. It gets worse when he gets the blades, the white streaks his hair, the swirling mark covers more of his skin every time he uses them, he trails the scent of smoke and blood behind him like a signature. His scars...they should disappear. They have for everyone else who used the pit, but instead his skin starts cracking. Any place he's ever been scarred glowing cracks break up his skin. He can't feel them, but he's always aware of them, the meaning behind them, the divinity literally leaking through his body. His eyes aren't brown anymore. They aren't even green. He looks in the mirror and they are copper, molten and burning. He tries his best to keep his mask on.
What do you think of when you imagine the word divinity? Probably something like Tara. Something with skin carved from stone, with moss and fungus crawling up her legs and snow laden shoulders. They say her hair is made of swirling clouds and the sun and moon are her eyes.
Some say she's a nymph although no one knows what kind. You're just as likely to see her name among the naiads as the dryads. Whether flowers bloom where she dances or waves crash when she sings, she's known to be more vicious towards suitors than her sisters.
Others have said she's a faerie, who takes the faces of lost daughters and lovers, slipping into their places seamlessly, forcing unruly men to pay their dues. Others say she's a shifter of a different sort, with a shawl of feathers and a crown of twine and gems. Stories range from men trying to steal her coat (and paying dearly) to lost children returned safely home on the back of a swan.
Tara doesn't think about it at first, the way gravity tends to cede to her, she doesn't notice how sunflowers turn their faces towards her instead of the sun. She doesn't notice the way her face...shifts. it's imperceptible really, and it's not like she looks in the mirror all that often. But everyone around her notices it, on some level, the way her expressions are off. A little too exaggerated. The way her limbs bend just a little too oddly. The way she never looks quite the same as she did the day before, the way she picks up features from the people around her the way she picks up rocks from ground to add to her collection. Clay molded subtly into the image of those she loves, a museum of everyone she's ever met. She does notice when her hair starts going white at the ends, the strange way her hair starts to curl unnaturally, almost floating. She's not so upset about her eyes, the deep blue of her father that has glared down at her day after day, she has changed her hair, her face, her language but she could not change her eyes. It seems she didn't have to, when she wakes up with one a little too silver to be gray and one a little too gold to be brown. And then her skin starts splitting, a cavern made from a broken rib and ravines made by the slashing of knives. She doesn't even bleed anymore, they never scab over. They crystallize, amber like ambrosia, like ichor. Her body a geode waiting to be cracked open to let the thing within finally break free.
They know the least about Grant, whatever he used to be. Half written scrolls, torn or burnt or simply stopped abruptly, illegible journal entries with symbols never recorded in any known language, half finished sketches where the details are never quite clear. A few things are usually consistent though, signs that he's been there, usually from hunters down on their luck or the particularly old and sickly. First, the howling. Like a wolf or a storm, although later accounts would add that it occasionally sounds like a mechanical whirring. Then the rabbits, dead and gutted, but not a trace of blood. Piles of them left in heaps on doorsteps or windowsills. Some have reported knocking at strange hours or finding teeth in their homes, a mix of human and animal. There is one photo on record, the most recent thing in the archive most likely, of claw marks on the side of a barn, too big and oddly serrated, certainly not from anything native to the area. Elderly that report these phenomena typically pass from heart problems within the week, according to some of the old medical files.
Grant came back wrong. Physically, at least. He knows that he's still himself for the most part, dying didn't make him a selfish asshole he did that all on his own, but...but something is wrong with him. It's the way lightbulbs flicker when he's mad and how cameras, no matter the quality, never quite get a clear shot of him. The way Joey can't ever grasp his features, not fully, the details slipping from his mind like water. The way eyes on his face slide right past, unable to look directly at him. It's in the gray spreading from his roots and his eyes too wide and dark to belong to something human. It's the way death clings to him like a second skin, sickly and pallid turning the tips of his fingers gray. His teeth are starting to feel too sharp for his mouth, and he hears things no one else does, whispers of voices that Are Not and Can't Be. The worst part is the orange, liquid candlelight under his skin, lighting up all of his veins and scars, webbing together like the world's worst game of connect the dots. No, there is no mistaking him for something human, so there is no reason to try. If this is his fate then he will take it, because he is not a sheep and he will not be a wolf, he is a hunter, and he is hungry.
#Jason as a Christ like figure is funny to me#Imagine growing up with a Catholic mother going to church praying for her health#and then you find out your soul predates the mf AND he plagiarized you đ#that's more sad than funny but you get the picture#I also wanted them all to be represented by prey animals that are actually known for being really aggressive#like birds are typically seen as Docile but Shrikes are vicious assholes#and Swans which are coveted for their grace and beauty but are actually FERAL#it also marks Grant yet again as the odd one out by not giving him a bird#I gave him a rabbit because while I did consider a sheep it didn't work as well#Rabbits aren't dangerous to humans but they are aggressive to each other and won't hesitate if you push them#but they're also very sought after for hunting and as pets#I think Tara should have a very Changeling type vibe#y'know a little bit of fae energy#Grant is very much like a cryptid to me#cryptozoology is pretty new and people are still spreading stories about them#so it feels appropriate for a younger god to be associated with#there's also every chance he DID exist before the recorded records of him#but for some reason or other there's just less of him mentioned#Jason Tara and Grant have always been three after all#So what's obscuring Grant's mythology? fun little mystery đ#dc#jason todd#tara markov#grant wilson#New All Caste au#also I have a whole Pinterest board dedicated to Tara and fancy clothes for her#because she has SO MANY INTERESTING AESTHETICS#I also really like your skin cracking idea so I tried to individualize it a little đ#Grant's did get kind of body horror though
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qpac or perhaps qcellbit for character opinion bingo :3
Omg hi Bee:D Both why not:3
#qpac is my little guy ever and I will cry if anything happens about to him. the anything is me I put him in the washing machine#qcellbit too but I forgot to mark the thing too. canon doesn't exist he's living happily with his husband and his sons. the three of them
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dog cuddle in these trying times
#first digital color test hell yeah#the exact shades might still be altered but it's a good starting point <3#nobody's face markings are still a work in progress so we'll see how they will turn out in the future drawings#thank god gwizdak is pretty straightforward. plain gray with three spots and that's it lol#but it's them! they exist in color now! :]#đŽđ
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the way i got into svsss with no context at all, not exactly realizing that it was meant to be a gay story definitely influenced how i experienced the story i think.
#i recognized the moments where lbh was crushing ofc and i thought it was fun but i didn't expect it to go anywhere <- THE FOOL.#is now a good time to bring up the long running joke bet my friends have that i'm ''secretly aromantic'' x']#i'm not <3 i just don't get invested in fictional romantic relationships aside from. three? in my entire life#generally ambivalent to romance other than just a possible factor in a pre-existing dynamic; not something to pursue but it can be present#like. in my eyes. i couldn't classify yq/sj as romantic. i can understand romantic interpretations; but what bond they have is much more#in general - a lot of labels or attempts to label relationships between characters fall flat for me. so i usually don't bother with it#even the romantic dynamics i genuinely care about and craft/pursue works depicting their romance there's still that underlying feeling of#''they would've fostered this closeness anyway. they just happened to be 'partners' this time''#ykwim. there's much more groundwork to be done to warrant a convincing bond between people. regardless of platonic/romantic ideals#you must acknowledge they're individuals but not separate beings. examine exactly which parts of them are inextricable from the other#and that is how you get the essence of their relationship. through the marks they've left#it's getting late so my words may be clumsily put together hmm.#but yeah. listening to people's first time reactions/theories under an exclusively romantic lens is always a little surprising#speak#svsss txt
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Take That (Band), Robbie Williams (Musician) Rating: Explicit
I know no one cares but I wrote this and I loved writing it and isn't that just neat in itself? ⨠like yay, mental health.Â
#mark owen#robbie williams#willowen#take that#my writing#my stories always boil down to the three corner stones of existence#smut existential crisis#but also and that is the most important bit#banter!!
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Chat what if I started crying
Tw for animal death in the tags
#my senior cat is doing not great#she mustâve been bitten by some large neighborhood animal#sheâs pretty sick and has some bite marks from canine teeth on her lower back#she probably wonât make it through the night#I really hope she does so we can get her to the vet#why didnât we take her when we first found the bite marks#if she doesnât at least she dies with loved ones#unlike my other cat#who died from being attacked by some different beast#like god two three years ago at this point#idk why this cat is making me feel so much worse#maybe itâs because instead of my mom randomly sitting me down and telling me#Iâm watching her decline in real time#we probably wonât get another new cat after this#I hope we do though#I donât like not having a fuzzy little study buddy#and my other cat at the moment doesnât really do affection#I have a little bit of hope though because she still has enough energy to be hissy spitty at the dog for simply existing#and when we moved her from one end of a bed to the other she stood up and re situated herself#lowkey wanna start sobbing but idk I feel like thatâd make my parents pay attention to me and thatâs lowkey what I donât want#like idk my family does the physical affection like hugging and shit#but when k feel like shit thatâs not really my thing#and boy howdy do I feel like shit#anyway rant over#bye
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worth the wait a nerdjo fic



pairing ⸺ nerd/academic rival/rich boy!gojo x reader
summary ⸺ you abhor your academic rival, satoru gojo. he's a cocky asshole that you fight with constantly for the spot at first place. but when you finally discover what's underneath all those lame sweaters of his with a once in a blue moon visit at the gym (spoiler alert: he's not a scrawny nerd), you'll be fighting your severe attraction to the man who makes your life a bit harder. and maybe fall in love with him, too, in the process.
warnings ⸺ smut, f recieving oral, praise, he makes you beg for it lol, p i v sex, making out, angst if you squint, a lot of fluff, college AU, nerd!gojo, reader gets insecure sometimes and is treated horribly by her discord mod TA/research advisor, typical misogyny/sexism in STEM fields, but gojo defends her!!!, sleeper build gojo with a happy trail because im a slut, the good old pining and yearning i like. art by @/deltapork
a/n thank u to all my beta readers for editing part of this for me :3 happy valentines day!!!
general masterlist
You blink at your paper.
98.
You suppose you should be happyâitâs a graduate level physics class, anyways. For a moment, you stare at the red markings of the TA that graded it, as if willing an error in the one problem you made a mistake on could make it go away.Â
2+2=5.
You exhaled sharply, almost fighting back tears. Youâd think you could avoid simple arithmetic mistakes, but apparently doing tensor products comes easier than simple addition to you. Shoving your backpack on your chair, you stuff in your laptop and the test haphazardly, not caring that itâs going to get messed and crumpled up in your backpack after your folders and binders jostle around. Fuck that test.
You wouldnât normally act as if the test had personally wronged youâtrust, you were not going to get that heated were it any class. But because of this one class, one person, you knew it was coming. The inevitable.
"Better luck next time." The voice, drenched in smug satisfaction, slithered through the air behind you, his voice and demeanor like a slimy, slimy snake.Â
Your jaw tightened, but you forced yourself to remain calm as you turned around. And there he wasâGojo Satoru, the bane of your existence, a plague upon your academic record, a walking, talking statistical anomaly who somehow managed to be both infuriatingly brilliant and aggressively insufferable.
He leaned against the desk beside yours, glasses sliding down just enough to reveal the glint of those ridiculously blue eyes. He crosses his arms while theyâre covered in that ridiculous, ugly sweater heâs wearingâheâs probably going for the old money aesthetic, but he doesnât need to know he gives off more âfinance bro that helps billionaires evade taxes,â or whatever finance bros do.
âI have no clue what youâre talking about,â you sniff, pretending to act nonchalant while you grab your backpack, swinging it roughly on your shoulder like it was the weight of your grievances against him.
"The test." Gojo unfolded a crisp sheet of paper with the kind of theatrical flourish reserved for revealing royal decrees. A perfect 100, circled in bold red ink.
Your stomach twisted. This is what those two points meant. Two stupid, meaningless, soul-crushing, rage-inducing points.
"Guess that makes it⌠what, five to three this semester?" He tapped his chin, pretending to count, as if the score wasnât already seared into your brain like an irreversible branding. "My lead, obviously. But hey, if you ever need tutoring, I could always squeeze you in."
You bite the inside of your cheek in frustration. âI wouldnât want to impose on the time for any of your hobbies. After all, when will you get the time to watch anime? My 5000 Year Old Girlfriend is Stuck in a Twelve Year Oldâs Body, was it?â
He presses a hand to his chest in mock hurt, as if your words had truly pierced him through his chest. âTut, tut. After all this time, Iâd think youâd have my anime preferences memorized since youâre so obsessed with me. Itâs Digimon, not whatever pedophilic shit you think I jerk off too.â He pauses, and then his voice drops into a conspiratorial whisper. âBut you know Fred, the grad student TA that holds recitation every Wednesday? I just know heâs probably a Discord mod of a server that sends, like, daily tentacle porn. I wouldnât be surprised if heâs on the Megan's law registry either.â
Now, you have to hold back your smile because Gojo has a point. Fred is not just any TA. Fred is the grad student that mentors you on a research project; the programâs super selective, so when you realized you got him, you couldnât just back out and give up the opportunity. However, Fred isnât just a weirdâ-heâs sooo handsy with his greasy ass hands, so you accept any and all Fred slander. Because heâs your research advisor, you canât wait to finish the project any faster. He probably would be into underage girls, but you donât need to express your approval to Gojo, or worst of all, let him think heâs funny. God knows that would get into his head. âYea, yea. Whatever. Anyways, I hope you have fun with your Pokemonââ
âDigimon.â
ââor whatever. Iâm leaving. Some of us have things to do. Later, Gojo.â
You turned on your heel, lest Gojo hook you in with another taunt.Â
Maybe you needed to blow off some steam, if youâre allowing yourself to lose to Gojo.Â
Worst of all, itâs become a streak, like two times in a rowâone on this quiz, and the other on the midterm a few weeks back. Your mind goes back to the last women in STEM recruiting event you had went to, and, how, in the middle of taking a bite of the delicious margherita pizza they offered, you registered that the woman in the panel had insisted that what helped her power through her PhD and dickwad supervisors was by exercising. Her fervor over pilates could almost qualify as a cult pitch, but it made you pause at the moment. Before you continued to further engorge yourself on the food offered on the charcuterie board.Â
But maybe it was time to hone your focus in, and some sweaty endorphins might help you get just that.Â
Youâre not really surprised the demographic at your universityâs gym looks like the way it does. After all, not only was it renowned for its academics (from all the nepo babies like Gojo whose families donated buildings and had like four generations of alumnus), but it was also a Division I school. So not only was the gym packed but it was packed with men.
As you walked in the hallway towards the room that contained weight machines, gym bag slung over your shoulder, you eyed the glistening backs of the (D1, mind you) menâs swim team through the glass that separated your path and the swimming pool.Â
Wow, those Speedos really hugged their asses. You imagined Gojo in one, and almost snorted. Rich boy nerd Satoru definitely didnât learn how to swim; his familyâs mansion probably had a twenty year old personal lifeguard that Gojo lost his virginity to, or something. Regardless, he would squint in his silly swim goggles, the exact antithesis of sex appeal while his glow-in-the-dark eyes lit up the pool while he stroked, cheeks puffed like a pufferfish.
Regardless, the smell of testosterone that hits you when you enter the weight area is almost nauseating, and, if youâre honest, a little intimidating. Youâre not exactly the fittest of people, so you quickly speed walk past the grunting and sweaty men at the squat machines and barbells, avoiding eye contact and praying furiously that none of them perceive you.
 When you reach the dumbbell stands, you hunch over, taking random light weights. Then, you pretend you know what youâre doing while jumping every so slightly whenever anyone comes in six foot distance of you. Itâs only when another girl comes in to grab a weight (and when she bends over, you definitely ogle her ass in a way that would get you slapped if you were a man) that your gaze removes itself from where it was focused on the 2.5 lb dumbbell you were previously bicep curling with. To see him.
The glint of ivory hair is unmistakableâyouâve basically gotten off to the fantasy of razoring it off in his sleep. His blue eyes are bored, pretty boy face framed in glasses. Now, heâs giving teenage boy turned to Andrew Tate after a breakup. Black sweatshirt and sweatpants that are too small, because they cling to his legs in a form-defining way. Heâs walking over, hands in his pockets, to a barbell station. Slaps some guys on the shoulder as he goes through, gets a lot of daps.Â
Which is weird to you, because you only the Gojo inside your physics class, not outside. Heâs a fucking nerdâa loser that spends his time beefing with you, so why is he so popular when he gives you the time of day?
There are three dimensions to gaining alpha status, or whatever they call male popularity. You have to be 1) rich, 2) really physically fit, or 3) just really charismatic. Considering that Gojoâin all his clothingâ-looks like a twink moreso than ripped gym bro, itâs definitely not dimension two. So you conclude that itâs because heâs rich and probably throws yacht parties so these ripped guys donât push him into a locker, or something.
When he finally reaches his destination, you smirk to yourself. With that scrawny build underneath all those loose sweaters, you know heâs only going to be able to lift the bar, no plates. After all, he was warming up. insulting Gojo in countless of ways by taking jabs at his physique mentally, so you barely register that heâs grabbing for the hem of his sweatshirt, peeling it upâ
To reveal his bare torso.
Your first thought: Wow, he has huge bazonkas.
That has easily got to be one of the most built physiques youâve seen at your college so far. His pectorals basically pop out out of his torso as he moves to grab plates. First, he grabs a really big plateâyouâre not a gym expert, so you wouldnât know the weightâand stacks it. And stacks another. And another. And another, until youâre sure itâs definitely more than your bodyweight.
As youâre staring at him in awe, your 2.5 lb dumbbells hang limply by your sides, abandoning all pretense of training to openly gawk at the clench of his biceps, the sweat rolling down his temple, and the set of his jaw as he stares holes into the bar. And by the way thereâs heat creeping up your cheeks you realize one thing:
Youâre screwed.
âYou know what?â
You keep your eyes on your notes firmly, refusing to look at Gojo sitting right next to you. You donât know why he always chooses to sit next to you on recitation, reallyâitâs not like youâre receptive to his company. After all, he could be doing other thingsâlike metaphorically sucking a TAâs dick by talking about their research, where Gojo probably knows more about the TAâs research than they do themselves.Â
From your periphery, you notice Gojo pouting, then scooting his chair (dragging it, so it makes a god awful screeching noise against the floor tiles that has you cringing) until heâs so close that he slings an arm on the back of your chair and leans in closer and closer. Youâre fighting to keep your eyes on your notes, face heating up traitorously until you feel his breath fan across your neck because heâs just so close.
âRude, ignoring me. Look where that got you.â He then points to a problem on your paper, one you were currently working on. âYouâre doing that wrong.â
You finally turn to glare at him, but heâs closer than you anticipated, his face just inches from yours. His grin is all sharp edges and knowing amusement, and it makes your stomach flip in a way you refuse to acknowledge.
âIâm not doing it wrong,â you argue, despite the creeping suspicion that, okay, maybe you did mess up somewhere.
âOh, really?â Gojo drawls, tilting his head slightly. âThen why is your integral off by a factor of two?â
Your eyes snap back to your notes, scanning through the equationsâand, dammit, heâs right.
You huff, begrudgingly erasing the mistake. âWhatever.â
âYou know, you should really be thanking me,â Gojo muses, still leaning way too close for comfort. âIf I werenât here, who knows how many mistakes youâd make?â
âSheâd have me,â comes a greasy voice, and you have to fight the tears in your eyes that arise when Fred (the aforementioned pedophilic TA and your research advisor) comes, his moldy cheese stench following him as he takes a seat from across you and Gojo. You grudgingly turn your face away from where it was so close to Gojoâs to look at him and sigh inwardly. At least Gojoâs face was prettier to look at.
âHi, Fred,â you smile tightly, willing him to go away. âWeâre good here, so you can help out other studentsââ
âHow was your weekend?â He instead replies, and you wince. Stealing a quick glance at Gojo, it seems that his jaw and posture are uncharacteristically tense.Â
âLot of work for the class and for, uh, our research,â you respond, nodding and averting your gaze to your paper and feigning working on a problem so that he would get the hint.
Fred, unfortunately, does not get the hint. Instead, he leans forward, elbows on the table, eyes too focused on you. âYou really ought to take breaks, you know. You can give me the code late. Someone as cute as you shouldnât stress so much. Youâll get wrinkles.â
Your fingers tighten around your pencil, your skin crawling at the way his tone veers into something too familiar, too patronizing. You open your mouth to give a clipped response, but Gojo beats you to it.
âOh? Didnât know you were an expert on skincare, Fred,â Gojo drawls, his voice deceptively light. His arm, which was still resting on the back of your chair, shifts just slightlyânot quite pulling you in, but making his presence more noticeable. âThough, if weâre giving out advice, maybe you should take your own. I mean, stress must be rough on you too, right? All those late nights grading papers, staring at screens. Takes a toll.â
Fred bristles, but Gojo just smiles lazily, pushing up his glasses as he tilts his head. âActually, you know what? Maybe we should all focus on our own business. Like, say, teaching, instead of weirdly hovering over students. Crazy thought, huh?â
You swear you see the muscle in Fredâs jaw twitch, but he forces out an awkward chuckle, shifting uncomfortably. âRight, right. Just looking out for her.â
âDonât worry,â Gojo interrupts smoothly, now fully leaning into your space, his arm draping a little lower behind your chair, âI think sheâs got plenty of people looking out for her already.â His voice is soft, but thereâs an undeniable edge beneath the words.
Fred lingers for a second too long, but finally, he mutters something about helping another student and stands, walking off with an air of forced nonchalance.
You let out a breath you hadnât realized you were holding, slumping slightly in your seat. Gojo hums beside you, his fingers tapping idly against the back of your chair.
âYouâre welcome, by the way,â he teases, but thereâs something in his tone thatâs softer than usual. He then makes a show of stretching, raising his arms. His sweater rides up a bit, exposing his lower abs and peeks of white that has you averting your gaze, the heat creeping up at his proximity once again. Then, his arm back on your chair. Weirdly, you find that you donât mind it.
You sigh, resigned. Youâll figure out these feelings later. âYeah. Thanks, Gojo.â
But you donât immediately go back to your work, because Gojo suddenly hunches down and whispers in your ear. âYea, I definitely saw an underage anime girl sticker on his laptop.â
Your responding snort is so loud everyone turns to look at you and Gojo, who is now sporting a mischievous and satisfied smile.
It starts with a single drop, fat and cold where it splats against your wrist. You glance up from your phone just in time to see the sky split open.
âShit,â you mutter, stuffing your phone into your bag. The library doors shut behind you with a heavy clang, sealing away the scent of old books and the quiet hum of studying students. Outside, the air is thick with the petrichor of freshly fallen rain, and within seconds, the pavement is slick, puddles forming in the uneven cracks of the sidewalk. The streetlights reflect off the wet ground, casting fragmented golden glows against the darkening sky. Youâd been studying to grind for the upcoming assignments; after all, to rival Gojo is a no small feat. Itâs just unfortunate it seems to take you thousand times more effort than it does for Gojo.
âGuess weâre stuck together, huh?â
You donât have to turn to know who it is.
Satoru Gojo, standing beside you under the libraryâs narrow overhang, wearing that insufferable grin like heâs amused by the entire situation. Like the rain personally fell from the sky just to give him an opportunity to bother you.
âIâll take my chances,â you say flatly, shifting your bag on your shoulder. But as you peer past the downpour, your stomach sinks. The rain is merciless, an unrelenting sheet of water stretching as far as you can see. Thereâs no way youâre making it back to your dorm without looking like you took a fully clothed shower.
Gojo hums, pulling something out of his bag. You blink when he flicks open a half-broken umbrella, the metal ribs slightly bent like itâs barely holding itself together. He gives it a little shake, sending droplets flying, before glancing at you with a smirk.
âWell?â He lifts a brow. âWanna be smart about this?â
You do not want to be smart about this. You want to wait out the rain or make a break for it. But the storm shows no signs of letting up, and the thought of walking through it alone makes you hesitate.
Reluctantly, you sigh. âFine. But I get most of the cover.â
âHey, sharing is caring.â He tilts the umbrella slightly, just enough to make a point.
With great reluctance, you step closer. The moment you do, you regret it.
Gojo is warm. Even in the damp, chilled air, he radiates heat, standing so close that his sleeve brushes against yours. He smells good, tooâlike expensive laundry detergent with a faint undercurrent of something sweet, something distinctly him.
You swallow hard, forcing yourself to stare straight ahead as the two of you start walking. The rain pounds against the umbrella, droplets cascading off the edges, and with every step, youâre hyper-aware of the way Gojo moves beside youâloose-limbed, annoyingly graceful, a stark contrast to the crooked metal above your heads.
âMan, this thingâs on its last leg,â he muses, tilting the umbrella just slightly. Water dribbles off the side, landing directly onto your shoulder.
âGojo!â you yelp, recoiling as the cold soaks through your shirt.
âOops.â He does not sound remotely sorry.
You glare at him, but before you can snap back, he shrugs off his jacket andâwithout preambleâdrapes it over you.
You freeze.
Itâs warm, still carrying the heat of his body, and it smells so much like himâclean, sweet, dizzyingly familiar. Your brain short-circuits.
You force yourself to breathe, keeping your gaze firmly ahead. âYou didnât have to do that,â you say, voice tight.
âI wanted to.â
Something in his tone makes your stomach flip. You glance at him from the corner of your eye, andâ
Damn him. Damn him.
Water drips from his bangs, clinging to the sharp edges of his jawline, sliding down the curve of his throat. His shirt sticks to his skin, fabric clinging in a way that reveals the toned lines of his arms, the broad plane of his chest. Heâs watching the rain, the usual teasing glint in his eyes softened into something contemplative.
You swear your eggs just recently got released, for you cannot help but avoid your ever going attraction to Satoru Gojo except the age-old excuse: ovulation. Your mind wanders to how his arms would feel around your head, to lay on his chest, how heâd be able to manhandle you, force you to take itâ
But youâre snapped out of your inappropriate thoughts by what he says next.
âYou know,â he says, voice quieter now, âI like this. Just us, no grades, no competing.â
You pause.
He says it so simply, so easily, like itâs nothing at all. But the words settle deep, curling somewhere warm inside you, and you donât know what to do with them.
So you do what you do best: you shove them away, bury them beneath years of rivalry, of late-night study sessions fueled by caffeine and stubbornness, of sharp words and sharper glances.
You roll your eyes, forcing a scoff. âDonât get used to it.â
But even as you say it, your fingers curl into the fabric of his jacket, holding it a little tighter.
Itâs been a week since you saw Gojo. He had dropped you at your dorm in a surprisingly gentlemanly way, and you had insisted on returning the jacket only after washing it, to be courteous. What you didnât mention was how you kept repeatedly smelling it in your dorm whenever you got a reprieve from your roommateâs eyes because Gojo smelled like expensive cologne and he did one thing most nerds / physics majors donât do: shower. This fact, unfortunately, made you more attracted to him because the bar is truly in hell.
Youâve concluded that theseâŚfeelings canât hurt you and that it isnât real, like a beefy and shirtless Gojo-looking demon thatâll jump and surprise you from under your bed. So you move on your life, caught in the ever perpetual slog of studying and researching.Â
Thus, you find yourself at the library once more.
The night hums low around you, quiet except for the occasional shuffle of paper and the distant hum of the libraryâs espresso machine (only librarians could use it, however. you fervently thought that was a form of elitism, but you digress). Youâre at the corner table, the one by the window, where the dim light pools just enough to illuminate your notes but not enough to make you feel like youâre being studied under a microscope. You think youâre aloneâuntil you arenât.
You donât have to look up to know itâs him.
Satoru Gojo is hard to miss, even when heâs not trying. He slides into the chair across from you with the kind of ease that makes it seem like he belongs there, like he was always going to end up sitting across from you tonight. His hair is tousled, white strands falling forward in a way that makes him look softer under the warm light. His glasses are perched low on his nose, a rare sight given that he usually has them pushed up like some kind of pretentious scholar.
The two of you donât speak.
Itâs surprising, really. Gojo never runs out of things to say, whether itâs an obnoxious quip or some unnecessarily insightful observation that makes you want to throw your textbook at his face. But tonight, he just pulls out his own notes, taps his pen against the edge of his lips, and starts reading.
You should focus on your own studying, but something about thisâthis silence, this late-night haze, this tiny moment carved out of timeâmakes your mind wander. You steal glances when you think he wonât notice. His brows furrow when heâs concentrating, his jaw tightens when heâs stuck on something, and when he exhales, itâs this slow, measured thing, like heâs trying not to get frustrated. Heâs justâ
Heâs just really there.
Youâve spent years defining Gojo as your rival. Your competition. The person standing in your way at every academic milestone. And yet, somehow, somewhere, heâs slipped into something else, something harder to define. Because youâve seen him like this beforeâwhen heâs so focused that he forgets the world around him, when he bites his lip in thought, when he gets so caught up in something that he mutters under his breath without realizing it. And for the first time, it dawns on you: you donât actually hate it.
You donât hate this comfortable silence. This moment of peace, a white flag waving lazily between you both.
The hours blur. The cafĂŠ starts to empty. Your notes turn into background noise. Itâs late, and the warmth from inside lulls you into something dangerously close to comfort.
A soft sound breaks through the quiet.
You glance up and freeze.
Gojoâs head has tilted to the side, his glasses slipping slightly down the bridge of his nose. His hand is curled loosely around his pen, and his breathing has evened out. Heâs asleep.
For a moment, you donât move. You barely breathe.
Gojo, asleep, is not something youâve seen before. Heâs always in motion, always buzzing with energy, always running his mouth about something. But right now, heâs still. His long lashes cast faint shadows over his cheekbones, and the tension he always carriesâthe cocky bravado, the smirking sharpnessâis nowhere to be found. He just looks⌠peaceful.
Cutie.
What?
The thought slips in so quickly, so effortlessly, that it nearly makes you jolt. But when you look at him againâhead tilted just slightly, glasses slipping down his nose, breathing slow and evenâyou canât deny that the word fits. He looks like a lazy cat napping in a sunbeam, limbs loose, utterly unguarded. Itâs so unlike him that you find yourself staring, caught in the contrast.
Your fingers twitch. Before you can stop yourself, you reach forward, slow and hesitant, to push his glasses back up his nose. But you catch yourself just before you touch him, as if the warmth of his skin might burn. Your hand hovers in the air for a fraction of a second too long, and thenâ
You pull away.
Your heart is pounding. Itâs fine. Itâs nothing. You just need to get out of here.
You gather your things quietly, glancing back at him one last time before slipping out the door into the cool night air. The moment you step outside, you take a breath, deep and shaking. The world feels different now. You feel different now.
Because for the first time, it isnât just that you find Gojo attractive.
Itâs that you care.
And you donât know what the hell to do about it.
The gym, once again, smells like sweat and overpriced protein powder.
You donât know whatâs possessed you to come here today. Maybe itâs because you keep telling yourself that you need to exercise more, or maybe itâs because you need to take a break from studying before your brain melts. But deep down, if youâre really being honest with yourself, you know the real reason.
Gojo is here.
You spotted him the first time by accident. You were on the treadmill, barely jogging at a pace that wouldnât embarrass you, when you caught a flash of white hair across the gym floor. And there he wasâdressed in a fitted black sleeveless top and joggers, casually loading plates onto a barbell.
And he wasnât wearing his glasses.
It was a stupid, inconsequential detail, but it made all the difference. Without them, he didnât look like the annoying academic rival who constantly got under your skin, flashing his smug grin as he beat you in exams by the smallest possible margins. He looked⌠sharp. Unfiltered. Effortlessly attractive in a way that made your stomach tighten in ways you didnât like.
Youâd seen him in his regular clothes before, of course. You knew he had broad shoulders and long legs, that his body wasnât just a lanky frame hidden behind layers of sweaters. But here, in the gym, watching him roll his shoulders as he prepped for another setâit hit differently. He was lean but muscular, his arms flexing as he adjusted his grip on the bar, and for some godforsaken reason, you couldnât look away.
You shouldnât be watching him. You should be focusing on your own workout, pretending you donât care. But the way his shirt clung to his back, the way his forearms tensed, the way he exhaled sharply as he liftedâ
Youâre so screwed.
You force yourself to look away, grabbing the smallest dumbbells available and curling them in what has to be the weakest excuse for a workout imaginable. Youâre barely paying attention to what youâre doing, too busy sneaking glances at Gojo between sets. Itâs pathetic, but at least no one else is watching you.
Or so you think.
Because then she appears.
A girl.
Tall, toned, and effortlessly gorgeous, with sleek hair pulled into a high ponytail. She strides over to Gojo with a confidence you could never dream of and smiles at him, saying something that makes him laugh. Her ass is definitely bigger than yours, and sheâs in this coordinated, cute, pink set, looking like she walked straight out of a fitness TikTok. You canât hear what theyâre talking about over the sound of weights clanking and some obnoxious EDM song blasting through the speakers, but you can see it. The way she leans in, the way she tucks a loose strand of hair behind her ear, the way Gojoâ
âsmiles at her. That easy, lazy grin he always wears when heâs teasing you, except this time, it isnât for you.
Your grip tightens around the dumbbells, something ugly curling in your chest. It gets worse when she gestures toward the squat rack, and Gojo nods before moving behind her, hands hovering just slightly as she sets up for a squat. You watch as he spots her, one hand resting lightly on her lower back, close enough to correct her form but far enough to be polite. Heâs focused, watching her movements carefully, murmuring something that makes her laugh before she drops into another rep.
Your stomach twists.
This is stupid. You have no reason to be feeling this way.
Itâs then that it hits youâyou can have your silly little academic rival moments with Gojo, but, in the end, youâre just a footnote in his story, a fleeting challenge in a life where everything already belongs to him. He quite literally has generational wealth; heâs not going to spend his life buried in grant applications or clawing for recognition in a field that demands twice the effort for half the reward. Heâll be the one funding the research, sitting at the head of the table, making decisions that shape the future. And you? Youâll be one of the many who struggle just to be in the same room.
Heâs the guy who spends his vacations on yachts or private islandsânot just surrounded by wealth, but by people who belong there. Girls who glide through life with the same effortless ease as him, girls who donât second-guess if they deserve to be in the spaces they occupy. Girls who donât have to fight for their place at the table because it was always set for them.
Girls that are his equalâequally attractive, equally smart, equally rich.
Not you.
You swallow hard, forcing yourself to look away, but the image is burned into your mind. The easy way he talks to her. The way she tilts her head when she listens. The way he doesnât even know youâre here.
You shouldnât care. You shouldnât care. You shouldnât care.
But you do.
You grip the dumbbells tighter, exhaling sharply. Then you put them back, pick up your water bottle, and walk out of the gym before you do something stupid.
The office is too small. Too suffocating. Too filled with the weight of unspoken words and the sharp-edged smile of Fred, the TA, as he leans back in his chair and laces his fingers together.
"You know," he begins, voice sickly sweet, "I really expected more from you."
You sit stiffly in the chair across from him, your hands curled into fists in your lap, nails digging crescents into your skin. Your heart pounds, but your face remains carefully neutral. You've been called into his office under the guise of "academic guidance," but you know better. You always know better.
"I don't know what you mean," you say, keeping your voice even.
Fred exhales dramatically, shaking his head. "Come on. You and I both know you're barely keeping up in this project of ours."
You grit your teeth. You're not barely keeping up. You're giving him your work at the highest level, at its best. But FredâFred has always had a way of twisting things, making you feel small, insignificant, like your achievements are nothing more than accidents.
âI think my progress speaks for itself,â you respond tightly. Mind you, while he was supposed to be your mentor, youâve done 80% of the work.
But you think Gojoâs defense of you ran deep into Fredâs heart because by the way heâs sleazily smirking at you, you know heâs trying to get back at you.
He smirks. "Your progress? Sure, youâre smart. But you think thatâs enough? You think anyoneâs going to care about a girl like you when there are people out there who donât have to struggle to be exceptional?" He leans forward, voice dropping into something conspiratorial. "Youâre wasting your time. The best you can hope for is being someoneâs assistant. Maybe a glorified research grunt if youâre lucky. Just like for me."
Your stomach twists. You shouldnât care. You know you shouldnât care. But the words burrow deep, hitting a place inside you that already doubts, that already wonders if youâre nothing more than a temporary obstacle in a world built for people like Gojo Satoruâpeople born brilliant, born wealthy, born effortless.
Fredâs eyes flick over you, assessing, smug. "Youâre working yourself to the bone for what? Youâll never be at the top. Not really."
The bitterness of the situation really dawns on youâGojoâs the one who took a jab at Fred last week, not you. But youâre the one whoâs left to deal with its consequences. Youâre not going to assign blame and lament that itâs not Gojo in this office dealing with him. It was in your defense, after all.Â
But Fredâs words remind you. Youâll never be at the top. At Gojoâs level, whoâs at the top without even seeming to put in effort.
Youâll never be his equal.
You stand abruptly, shoving your chair back so hard it scrapes against the floor. "If thatâs all, I have work to do."
Fred chuckles, leaning back, clearly pleased with himself. "Sure, sure. Donât say I never tried to give you advice."
You donât respond. You just walk out, gripping your bag so tightly your knuckles turn white, the echo of his words following you down the hall, settling in your bones like lead.
The hallway is too bright. Too loud. Too full of people who donât know that youâre on the verge of crumpling in on yourself like a dying star.
Your breath feels too shallow, too quick, and thereâs a weight pressing down on your chest that no amount of rationalizing can shake off. Itâs not even your meeting with Fredâjust a slow accumulation of stress and exhaustion and frustration thatâs settled deep in your bones. A grade lower than expected, an upcoming deadline youâre nowhere near prepared for, a general sense of drowning no matter how hard you try to keep up. Itâs all too much, and your hands are starting to shake from how tightly youâre gripping the strap of your bag.
You just need to get out of here. You need air, space, something.
But, of course, the universe has a cruel sense of humor, because when you round the corner, you slam straight into Satoru Gojo.
âWhoaââ
Your balance is already precarious from the way you were rushing, and the impact sends you stumbling. For a split second, you think you might actually fallâyour ankle twists awkwardly, the world tiltsâand then thereâs a strong hand gripping your wrist, another bracing against your back, steadying you before you can hit the ground.
You donât process what happens immediately. Your mind is still stuck on too much, too fast, canât breathe, and it takes you a second to realize that Gojo is holding you upright, his hands firm but careful, his expression hovering somewhere between amusement and concern.
âJeez, whatâs the rush?â he teases, but his voice lacks its usual careless lilt. Heâs searching your face now, eyes narrowing behind his glasses, and thatâs when you realize: you must look as bad as you feel.
Shit.
You jerk away from him, a little too fast, a little too sharp. âIâm fine.â
Gojo doesnât look convinced. âYou sure? Because it kinda seemed like you were about to pass out on the spot.â
âI said Iâm fine.â You adjust your bag over your shoulder, shifting your weight onto your other foot, ignoring the faint throb in your ankle. âGo bother someone else.â
Most of the time, thatâs enough to send him off with an exaggerated sigh and a smirk. But not today.
Today, Gojo just stands there, watching you like heâs trying to piece something togetherâlike youâre a problem he wants to solve. He doesnât press, not yet, but the silence stretches, and itâs unbearable, because you can feel the weight of his gaze, and you donât want to be seen like this. Not by him.
So you give him a tight nod in dismissal, and walk away.
Thereâs a knock at your door. You frown because you didnât expect any visitors, and youâre in your sleepwear. Regardless, you pad your way lazily and open the door.
To see Gojo.
What the fuck.
Heâs drenched in the glow of the hallway light, looking entirely too at home despite standing on your threshold. His hair is still slightly damp from the rain, white strands falling over his forehead in careless disarray. Heâs not wearing his glasses.
"Why are you here?" you demand, gripping the doorframe, willing your voice to stay steady.
He quirks an eyebrow, tilting his head just slightly. âYouâre holding my jacket hostage.â
Oh. Right.
You make your way to your wardrobe, where the now-cleaned jacket hangs neatly on a hanger. Grabbing it, you hand it over to Gojo, whoâs standing at your threshold while eyeing the insides of your dorm, as if trying to take in what your living space looks like. You shove it into his chest, stepping back like the heat of it burns. "Here."
Gojo takes it, but instead of leaving like a normal person, he lingers, running his fingers over the material like heâs checking for something. Then,, he lifts a hand to the back of his neck, rubbing it in that way that only makes his biceps flex, his lean muscles shifting beneath his shirt. You hate that you notice.
A beat passes.
"You know," he muses, far too casually, "you seemed a little disheveled back there."
Your stomach twists. "It's not a big dealâ"
"��Bullshit." His voice cuts through yours, sharp and immediate. He shifts, stepping just the tiniest bit closer, his tone losing its usual teasing lilt. âYouâre lying. I saw what you looked like. What happened?â
âIt's none of your business,â you say, stiffening. âNor is it a big deal, really.â
Gojo exhales, something heavy in the sound. His eyes donât leave yours, and for once, they arenât filled with their usual mirth or mischief. Just something searching, something that makes your chest ache in a way you donât have the strength to deal with right now.
"You always do that," he says, softer now, but no less intense. âAct like no oneâs supposed to care. Like youâre carrying the world alone.â
Your fingers curl into your palms. Your lips press together. You donât want to hear this. You donât want to acknowledge the way his words settle too close to the truth.
And then, quietly, Gojo asks, âDo you not consider me your equal?â
You swallow.
Your silence must be enough of an answer because something shifts in his expression. It isnât anger exactly, but itâs something closeâsomething bitter and disappointed and aching all at once.
"Youâre the one who shuts me out, you know." His voice is sharp now, edged with frustration. "You act like I'm the one keeping you at a distance, but every time I try to get close, you push me away."
Your throat tightens. âWhy do you even care?â
Gojo lets out a breath, his head tilting just slightly, eyes scanning your face like youâre something heâs trying to figure out. Then he laughs, quiet and humorless.
âYou really donât know?â
âIââ Your voice wavers. âWhat do you meanââ
âFor a girl so smart, you sure do act stupid.â He steps forward then, closing the space between you just enough to make you want to back away, but your feet donât move. His voice drops lower. "Do you think I talk to you because I give a fuck about physics?"
Your brain short-circuits. âWhatââ
He groans, dragging a hand through his hair, frustrated. âI give zero fucks about the class or any class, trust me. I have better things to do than to try to aim for 100s on every test."
Your heart is pounding now, too loud, too fast. âThen whyââ
"God," he exhales, tipping his head back, like he's debating whether or not he should even say it. Then, after a beat, he looks at you again, and whatever is in his eyes makes your stomach flip, makes your breath hitch.
Something in your chest lurches, but before you can even process it, he huffs a laughâlike heâs just remembered something ridiculous.
"You didnât even look my way the first week," he says, eyes flicking over your face, searching. "I could tell you only cared about anyone that could challenge you. Like, it wasnât even until I did better than you on the second midterm that you even talked to me."
You open your mouth, then close it, heat prickling at the back of your neck. Becauseâyeah. Heâs not wrong. You had ignored him, dismissed him as just another overconfident rich kid who thought he was smarter than he was. It wasnât until he proved himself, until he became a real obstacle in your path, that you bothered to acknowledge him.
Gojo smiles, but itâs not cocky this timeâitâs small, almost rueful. "And then you looked at me like I was finally real. Like I existed."
Your breath hitches.
He shrugs, eyes dropping for a brief second before snapping back up to yours. "So, yeah. Maybe I started trying harder. Maybe I cared about all those stupid tests because it meant I got to see that fire in your eyes, that I got to be the one you were pushing against." He rubs the back of his neck, his biceps flexing in a way that would usually annoy you, but right now, youâre too busy trying to remember how to breathe.
Gojo stares at you for a long moment, gaze unwavering, like heâs daring you to say somethingâanything.
Your chest feels too tight, your pulse erratic, and you donât know what to do with the way Gojo is looking at youâlike youâre something precious, something worth holding onto.
But heâs wrong. He has to be wrong.
âYou canât like me,â you whisper.
Gojo frowns, expression shifting. âWhat?â
Your throat clenches, and before you can stop it, heat pricks at your eyes, blurring your vision. âYou canât like me,â you say again, voice cracking. âI canât even match you.â
Gojo's face slackens, his teasing demeanor completely gone.
"You do everything so effortlessly," you force out, your fists clenching at your sides. "Itâs so infuriating." A shaky breath escapes you, and you shake your head, looking down. âSo why would you even want this? You make me feel this way, and IâI hate you for it.â
For a second, thereâs only silence.
Then, Gojo exhales softly.
âIs that what you think?â His voice is so gentle it makes something inside you ache.
You donât answer. You canât.
Gojo shifts, stepping forward slowly, carefully, like youâre something fragile. And thenâthen he reaches out, his fingers ghosting along your wrist before curling around it, grounding you. âItâs not effortless,â he murmurs. âI try so hard. You just donât see it because I donât want you to.â
"You really donât get it, do you?" His voice is quieter now, something dangerously close to vulnerable. His fingers twitch at his sides. "I care because itâs you."
You shake your head, still not understanding, still unable to believe it.
Gojo watches you for a moment, then exhales, running a hand through his hair. âYou act like I just woke up one day and decided to like you.â He huffs a quiet laugh, but thereâs no real amusement in it. âDo you know how long Iâve been stuck on you? How infuriating it was, realizing that no matter how much attention I got, the only person I wanted it from was too busy treating me like an obstacle?â
Your breath catches.
âI tried everything,â he continues, voice rougher now. âTeasing you, annoying you, beating you in tests, losing to you in tests. It didnât matter what I did, because youââ He breaks off, shaking his head. âYou only saw me when I gave you a reason to compete.â
Your fingers tremble slightly at your sides. You donât know what to say, donât even know what you can say.
And suddenly, everythingâthe teasing, the constant pestering, the way he always had to be around youâit all clicks into place.
Your heart hammers in your chest, and before you can second-guess it, before you can even think, you surge forward and kiss him.
Itâs a mess of a kissâtoo rushed, too desperate, all clashing teeth and uneven breathsâbut Gojo groans softly against your lips, like heâs been waiting for this. His hands are on you immediately, one slipping around your waist, the other cradling the back of your head as he presses you flush against him.
Youâre dizzy. Overwhelmed. But itâs good. Itâs him, and you donât want to stop.
When you finally pull away, breathless and unsteady, Gojo is grinning, his lips slightly swollen.
âWorth the wait,â he murmurs, eyes shining.
You avert your gaze, fully blushing now. âBut Iââ You take a look at him, then hide your face in your hands. âIâm a stalker.â
âMaybe Iâm into that.â
âNo,â you bemoan. âIâve stalked you at the gym, and Iââ Your voice drops into a shameful whisper. âYou were good. Like, stupidly good. Like, making everyone stare at you good.â
His lips twitch. âYou were staring too, huh?â
You glare at him, but he just grins, all teeth, clearly eating this up.
âI hated it,â you insist, heat prickling at the back of your neck. âI hated that youâre already smarter than me, that you already have all these advantages, and thenâand then you also have that? Like, itâs just unfair. Youâre unfair.â
Gojo is silent for a second, and you think youâve screwed up, but then exhales a sharp laugh, shaking his head. âYou are so cute.â
âStop it!â you whine, but you donât protest when he pulls you closer and locks your lips with his another time. You clutch the front of his shirt, drag your hands on his chest, his arms, everywhere. Then, you guide his to firmly clutch your ass, to which he freezes.
âWe can stop here. We donât have to do anymore than this, andââ
But you interrupt him, slamming your lips against his once more. Grabbing him by the shoulder you pull him into your room and slam the door behind you, pushing him against the door. âFuck no.â
He laughs breathlessly, then continues to switch your position, now you against the door. âThank god. Now, jump.â
You do, and you almost moan at how easily he grabs you in his arms, your legs straddling him. Itâs like you weigh nothing to him as he carries you over to your bed and manhandles you into it, following not long after.
When he gets on top of you, he maintains eye contact as he pulls your shirt over your head, trailing kisses down to your neck, the valley of your breasts (but not before giving each of the girls their own tender kiss), and your stomach. With his eyes boring into you, he slowly, teasingly drags the pants you were wearing down your legs until youâre just in your panties.
You let out a noise, and he coos. âI know, I know, baby.â He gives you a gentle kiss on the top of your mound, and you clench, squirming from the contact. âLet me take my time, though.â
He gently, but firmly, lays a hand on your hip as he starts licking the crotch of your panties. Itâs truly maddeningâthe sensation is there, but you oh so wish his skilled tongue was meeting your skin, bare and electric.
Heâs taking his time laving, ravishing your taste, but youâve had enough. âGojo, please,â you sob, throwing your head back and grinding further into his tongue, which he welcomes. âStop teasing.â
âMmmm,â he pretends to think, all while focused and looking only at your crotch, now rubbing your clit in small, miniscule circles. âI can, but,â and now heâs just mocking you, with the way he adopts a babying tone, âI think youâre going to have to beg for it.â
You groan in frustration as a response, but he only clicks his tongue as his fingers reach and finally rid you of your panties. He spreads your folds with two fingers, his face oh so close to your bare pussy. But instead of finally giving you what you want, he clicks his tongue, pouting as if youâre the one forcing him to be a bastard. âYea, Iâm sorry, but youâre going to have to earn it.â
Before you can respond, he holds out his tongue and inches his face even closer to your bare folds until you can feel his warm breath over it. âYou just have to say please.â Then, he ahhh-s, as if holding his tongue out to a doctor and says, âLook Iâm so closeâahhh.â
You can only plead with him. âPlease, Gojo.â
âNo, itâs Satoru to you now, baby.â
âSatoru, please eat me out.â
He smiles. âYeaa, thatâs my girl.â And proceeds to eat you out in a way that has your toes curling.
He acts like a man eating his last meal on death row. Itâs the masterful combination of laving over your folds, kissing your clit, and groaning and making noises that has you inching closer and closer to your orgasm. When you tell him, youâre close, he does exactly what heâs supposed to doâkeep doing what heâs doing, same spot, same tempo, same pressure.
With a cry of his name, you come quickly, and he takes your writhing hips and their motion like a champ, easing you through it. When you feel the all-too-familiar feel of over sensitivity, you grab his hair and pull him towards your face, kissing him tenderly.Â
He maneuvers his huge frame to lay down next to you, and you fall easily into a gentle embrace. Itâs a comfortable silence, as he burrows his face into your chest and you stroke his hair gently.
Gentler than how youâve ever treated him.
Itâs this thought exactly that you voice to him. âYou know,â you muse softly. âI was such a bitch to you.â This gets his attention, because he moves from where he was comfortable (your boobs) to look at you in alarm. âLike, I was always mean, and like acting all high and mightyââ
âWhatever you think you did, it was hot,â he interrupts you, grinning boyishly. âLike damn when you insult me I get all fired upââ
âSatoru!â You laugh, shocked, looking down at him. âYouâre crazy.â
âYea,â he winks. âCrazy for you.â
You smile softly at that, biting your lip. âI mean, I get that.â You feel his curious gaze rove over you and heat creeps up your neck as you confess, âLike I was stalking you at the gym. I saw you one time, and um. You definitely have a sleeper build.â
He hums. âI get that a lot.â
âYea,â you blurt. âyouâre really hot. Like you have really big arms, which I definitely didnât notice in all those sweaters you wear. You could definitely throw me around.â
Silence.
When you look down at him, heâs looking at you mischievously. He sits up, takes off his shirt, and says, âWant to test that theory?â
The both of you test the theory, indeedâitâs a nice nod to your guysâ academic, theoretical physics roots. But instead of some theory involving dark matter or quantum physics debated while in class, this theory takes all night to prove.
general masterlist
a/n special thank you to @purplegemadventures ily pookie <3 we were discussing how a lot of fics so far have made seem nerd gojo really cute and shy but we tried to envision a shit eating sassy diva just like hidden inventory arc <3 like what that one anon said i need my gojo to be a little annoying cocky (but cute) bastard (or, i quote, "your gojo makes me want to oil his scalp and give him an aggressive head massage and mess his hair up"). ANYWAYS props to that one anon that dropped the "nerd gojo with sleeper build" and my beloved @tiramisuandlove i love you forever
comment and reblog to let me know ur thots!
#aashi writes#gojo x reader#gojo smut#gojo x you#jjk x reader#jjk smut#jjk x you#gojo satoru x reader#gojo satoru smut#gojo satoru x you#jujutsu kaisen x reader#jujutsu kaisen smut#jujutsu kaisen x you#jjk#jjk fic#jujutsu kaisen#gojo satoru#nerd gojo#nerdjo#divider by cafekitsune
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