#Transmissions from the Evil Lair

[brotherhoodofevilgeeks]

Transmissions from the Evil Lair Ep 242 - Blade Runner with Ken Reid

Transmissions from the Evil Lair Ep 242 - Blade Runner with Ken Reid #PodernFamily #Movies #SciFi #RutgerHauer @KennethWReid

Today we’re taking our third trip into the alternate dimension known as the Hauer-verse, Evil Geeks and once again we’ve brought backup! Chris and Tom are joined by comedian Ken Reid of the TV Guidance Counselor podcast to talk about one of Rutger Hauer’s best known films and arguably one of the greatest sci-fi films ever made, Blade Runner.

https://thebrotherhoodofevilgeeks.files.wordpress.com…

[turtlethon]

“Shredder’s Mom”

Season 4, Episode 5

First US Airdate: September 14, 1990

"Shredder's Mom" is the seventieth episode of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Following on from their collaboration on "Michelangelo Toys Around", Ted Pedersen and Francis Moss again are credited as writers for this one.

The Turtles and Splinter watch as April reports live from an international global warming conference. She asks Professor Higgins to explain the concept to the viewers at home before Shredder and Krang cut into the transmission. The two villains jostle for the spotlight before threatening that if the people of Earth don’t surrender to them, the planet will face climate change on an unimaginable scale.

Watching from Fort Lauderdale Home for Retired Villains is Shredder’s mother, Miyoko Saki, who for some reason after seventy episodes now decides that if her son is going to take over the world, she wants to be involved. A care home worker tries to prevent her from leaving, but she handily defeats him before making a quick exit.

So yeah, a big chunk of new TMNT lore just dropped. This is the first time Shredder’s mother has been seen or even acknowledged, and the inference seems to be that when Shreds moved to America, he brought her with him before putting her in a home. The other interesting idea introduced here is that Shredder’s evil nature was an inherited trait. Let’s continue.

In Dimension X, Shredder and Krang discuss their new plan, having launched a mirror satellite into space. Solar rays reflect off its mirrors and pass through a portal, arriving at the Earth. Humanity quickly has to adapt to the soaring temperatures that come about as a result. In the Lair, the Turtles struggle to beat the heat, resorting to fans and buckets of ice.

April reports on the situation before once again being interrupted by a transmission from Shredder. He warns that power stations are already pushed to their limits as a result of the change in climate and unprecedented droughts are also occurring. Shreds demands to meet with the leaders of the world within the next hour. Having seen his tirade, the Turtles rush off to confront him at the United Nations Plaza—oh, I’m sorry, “The United World Building”.

Shredder emerges from a portal, accompanied by Rocksteady and Bebop, and meets up with some Neville Chamberlain-lookin' guy, who very quickly shoots down the villain’s demands. The conversation is interrupted by Miyoko, who lightly mocks and embarrasses her son in front of the world leaders before dragging him back to Dimension X.

The Turtles roll up in their van and are informed of what just transpired by April, who filmed the entire affair. Donatello determines that the waves are coming from a portal in space, putting the problem sightly out of the team’s usual remit. April, however, has connections – because let’s face it, almost every episode begins with her talking to some scientist who reveals the macguffin of the day – and puts them in touch with her “friend in the space travel business”.

Later, the team are introduced to General Yogure, a man who to all intents and purposes seems to be a human-sona of Launchpad McQuack. With April’s encouragement, he agrees to take the green team with him on a mission to investigate the portal, and just like that here we are – the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles are going to space!

Before the Turtles leave, Donatello is given an abacus by Splinter. Donnie scoffs at the idea that they would need such a thing on a hi-tech ship, but his sensei insists it may prove useful. The team head into orbit, all wearing helmets but no space suits of any kind. Meanwhile in Dimension X, Miyoko is sheepishly introduced by Shredder to Krang and The Boys. “I don’t care much for your choice in friends, sonny... one all-brain and two no-brains".

General Yogure flies his space shuttle to the location of the solar beams, determining with Donatello that they seem to occasionally turn off for a fraction of a second in order to correct the satellite’s position relative to the Earth. In order to travel through the portal, they need to ensure their shuttle’s co-ordinates are precise, however the heat has caused their systems to stop working. Yogure instead navigates the shuttle on instinct alone, heading into the satellite’s beam as the first act ends.

Act two begins with Donatello falling back on the use of Splinter’s abacus to determine the correct path through the beam. The shuttle safely passes through the portal, arriving in Dimension X. The landing guidance system has been damaged during the journey however, and so the spacecraft violently tumbles to a halt on the ground beneath them. General Yogure declares that any landing you can walk away from is a good one.

In the Technodrome, Miyoko continues to embarrass Shredder while also quickly developing a rapport with Krang due to her mean streak. She encourages the alien warlord to turn up the heat via the satellite even further. Outside, the Turtles determine they need to disconnect the transmitter and disable the mirror. They begin scaling the Technodrome before being spotted by the villains within.

Miyoko mocks Shredder for not being able to “get the better of four miserable turtles”. Furious, Shreds stomps off accompanied by Rocksteady and Bebop to battle his foes. Krang revels in all of this, and is happy to oblige when Shredder’s mother requests the use of the Foot Soldiers.

The Turtles watch as the Technodrome switches between antennas, an apparent fail-safe measure to prevent anyone from jamming the signal. After destroying the second transmitter the team are caught in a hail of laser fire and fall into a chute below, drawing them into the fortress. They quickly destroy a wave of Foot Soldiers before continuing their journey.

Shredder has seemingly given up on his plan to confront the Turtles and is now back with his mother in the control room, who reveals that Krang deployed a dummy antenna to trick our heroes. Miyoko orders her son to deploy Rocksteady and Bebop to lure the team into an on-site trash compactor.

Back on Earth, everyone continues to struggle with the worsening heat. April and Splinter desperately attempt to cool down in the Lair, hoping that the Turtles will resolve the situation soon.

Bebop and Rocksteady open fire on the Turtles, leading them through the tunnels of the Technodrome until they reach a door marked with a sticky-taped piece of paper reading “THIS WAY TO COMPUTER ROOM”. The team are naturally wary about what seems like a clear trap, but head in anyway. As Miyoko planned, the Turtles are now trapped in the garbage compactor as the walls close in. (Raphael quips that this is uncalled for as they may be poor, but they’re not trash.) The team desperately attempt to push the walls back as the second act ends.

Act three opens with Leonardo finding a sealed-off hatch, a sign above it reading “THIS WAY TO THE CENTRAL COMPUTER”. The Turtles aren’t keen on falling for the same trick for a second time, but short on options, take the plunge anyway. The team find themselves face to face with Shredder, his mother and Krang. Miyoko again insists on doing things her way, activating a forcefield to trap the Turtles.

Shredder is furious that his mother ended up defeating the Turtles instead of him. He storms off as Krang continues to dunk on him, promising they can find work for him “cleaning or cooking”. Meanwhile General Yogure is marched into the control room by Rocksteady and Bebop. He reveals that he was captured after he went looking for the Turtles only to find a sign above a door reading “THIS WAY TO THE TURTLES”. 

Back on Earth, April wears a bathing suit as she films a report on the still-worsening situation, informing us that Los Angeles has been reclaimed by the desert and the polar ice caps are melting. Miyoko watches this via a viewscreen in front of the Turtles and gloats. The team manipulates General Yogure into striking up a conversation with Shredder’s mother, complimenting her until she reveals how the control panel works. He plays dumb, “accidentally” disabling the forcefield and freeing the Turtles.

After trapping Miyoko in the forcefield, the team begin working to disable the satellite. Yogure points out to Donnie that a mirror left in orbit following the end of the Star Wars program could be used to deflect the beam back through the portal, destroying Krang’s mirror. After being confronted by Shredder, the team make their escape and return to the now-repaired shuttle. Shreds is unable to pursue the Turtles as his mother insists they clean up the Technodrome first.

Finally pushed to his limit, Shredder teleports his mother back to Fort Lauderdale, where she quickly returns to her normal routine of causing havoc around the retirement home. Later, April reports on the return to normal temperatures.

In the lair, we very quickly wrap things up with the Turtles lamenting that they’ll never get the credit for saving the world. Splinter has to get the last word, pointing out that they couldn’t have accomplished any of this without the help of his humble abacus.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles season four has been a rough watch so far, with only “Plan Six from Outer Space” rising beyond being barely tolerable. With “Shredder’s Mom”, we’re now up to two good episodes this year, the introduction of Saki’s mother providing us with a few crumbs of world-building while also introducing a new dynamic to the show. Like so many of the best Turtles episodes, there’s a sense that there are genuine stakes at play here, while the knowing, self-aware humour we’ve come to expect from this incarnation of TMNT is also present.

One of the most interesting facets of this outing is that it’s the most explicitly environmentally conscious episode to date. Last season’s “Turtles, Turtles, Everywhere” had the team rushing to save a near-extinct sea turtle, but this adventure goes much further; while Shredder’s scheme serves as a means of displaying the consequences of climate change, the show makes it clear from the outset that this was already a concern prior to his involvement. Kudos to everyone involved for working these themes into the cartoon that are still relevant more than thirty years on. It’s a drop in the ocean compared to what was happening in the Archie TMNT Adventures comics at the time, but it’s a start.

Helping things considerably is the fact that this is one of a rare few syndicated episodes this year not animated by MW Dublin, although the version on the Lionsgate DVD releases has them listed on the end credits (and with a 1991 copyright date, so it seems this was pasted over from a later episode for unknown reasons). I’d go so far as to say this is probably the best-looking episode since “Bye, Bye, Fly”, and with much smoother movement to boot. I’m really looking forward to getting to the CBS episodes when hopefully production values like these will become much more common.

Miyoko Saki sadly won’t appear again, which is disappointing, although I’m not sure how she could be used effectively beyond what was seen here. It’s worth noting that her full name is never mentioned in the show and is only known due to its appearance on the cartoon’s official website. General Yogure is also done after this, although he’s far less engaging and I doubt anyone will miss him.

NEXT TIME: “Four Turtles and a Baby”. It is, regrettably, another Neutrinos episode. Agh.

[andrewmoocow]

Steven Universe Alternate Future chapter 24: Fragments (originally published on August 23, 2021)

AN: The end of the Alternate Future begins here! Or this story at least, I've got a few follow-ups planned after finishing this one, one of which I might set up here. But regardless, here we are at the end of Part 3 and from here on out, things will go downhill for our heroes & uphill for our villains. Can Steven be saved from both himself and Black Rutile? Who knows? Except for me that is, and a very select few as well. But I've had enough keeping you in suspense, let's get straight to the action.

Synopsis: Steven's condition gets worse and he seeks help from Jasper.

Cast:

Zach Callison as Steven

Estelle as Garnet

Michaela Dietz as Amethyst

Deedee Magno-Hall as Pearl

Kimberly Brooks as Jasper

Noël Wells as Black Rutile

Lauren Ash as White Topaz

Della Saba as Aquamarine

Charlyne Yi as Eyeball

Tom Scharpling as Greg

Uzo Aduba as Bismuth

Dee Bradley Baker as Lion

Ron Perlman as ?

--

"Hear me my followers and rejoice!" Black Rutile declared, with Aquamarine perched on her shoulder, as she recorded herself making a grand speech to her remaining minions in her cave lair. "Our day of revengeance is at hand! No more shall that sanctimonious half-breed tyrant enforce his iron-fisted rule over our people! Because despite claiming to be a pure-hearted child, recent intel has confirmed he is far from it."

As an example, Black Rutile played the footage of Steven crashing his father's van that her satellite had gathered. "Look at this absolutely abhorrent act." She stated. "What kind of child would ever dare murder their father without any rhyme or reason?"

"Actually, there have been a few throughout this planet's history that have done just that." White Topaz leaned into view to point out.

"SHUT IT TOPAZ!" Black Rutile angrily commanded before turning back to her viewers. "Anyways, soon he will be exposed as the monster he truly is, and with the army we have regrown from the colonies some of my subordinates have retaken, we shall lay siege to the tyrannical Crystal Gems and strike them at our weakest!"

"You sure about that my Rutile?" Black Rutile's Topaz bodyguard leaned back in, much to her master's anger. "'Cause I've gotten word from Cinnabar's faction that some of your former Black Pearls have formed, like, a little squadron to fight back against her."

"Can you not ruin my speech, you ignoramus?!" Black Rutile shoved her Topaz away. Just as she was about to make a grand conclusion to her speech, Black Rutile quickly declared "End transmission." and shut off the recording. "Now look what you did, I was making a motivational speech to my allies, but you had to keep getting in the way just like you always do!"

"Always?" White Topaz replied while making shadow puppets against the cave wall. "Look, I may spoil your plans some of the time, but your ego is just as much to blame the rest of the time."

"That is indeed true Topaz, but now I must ask," Black Rutile said. "what is with this attitude? Where's the overly polite idiot that always followed my orders without question, no matter how horrible they are?"

"I'm betting she's already having second thoughts about your plans." Aquamarine advised her superior.

"You mind if I," Eyeball suggested before making a slashing noise with her mouth and pulling her chisel from her gem. "put her to rest?"

"I'm being serious you guys!" White Topaz said. "The three of you may think you're Gems of the people, but I don't think Gems like those would ever hyperfocus on ruining the life of one person instead of just focusing on something healthier!"

"Like what, forcing ourselves to join those ingrates and deprive ourselves of our way of life in favor of becoming part of a hive-mind?" Black Rutile asked, menacingly pulling out her bowie knife to threaten her Topaz with. "I have been plotting against the Crystal Gems ever since Steven brainwashed the Diamonds, and I refuse to abandon those plans just because you don't like them! Now, are you going to be a good little bodyguard, or do you want to ditch your best friend in favor of the hypocrite?"

Although White Topaz showed tons of reluctance, she nervously got down on one knee and bowed her head to her three teammates. "No, my Rutile. I am at your beck and call, whenever you need me."

"Very good my Topaz." Black Rutile put away her knife to pat White Topaz on the head with an evil smile, before turning away to tap at her visor. "Now if we have nothing else to discuss, it seems the seeds of doubt I have planted in Steven's mind that fateful night have finally begun to grow." She stated before her visor created a holographic chessboard with pieces resembling herself & her minions on one side, and the Crystal Gems & the Diamonds on the other. "Now all we need is just one last push." On that last word, Black Rutile then spawned a chess piece resembling Jasper that she put squarely in the middle of the board.

--

Far from Black Rutile's lair in the woods, Steven and Greg had finally returned home to Beach City after a father-son outing that turned rather disastrous. Fortunately, the Crystal Gems were already home to be told of what happened and as Steven gazed out over the deck, Bismuth asked Greg what happened.

"So Steven just flew off the handle because of a song?" Bismuth asked while helping Greg put his van back together. "Frankly, I could think of weirder reasons to get angry."

"No, it wasn't because of the song." Greg admitted to the blacksmith. "It was because we drove off to my childhood home in Keystone and he learned that my upbringing wasn't too different from his mom's."

"I don't think you ever told anyone about when you were a kid." Bismuth replied.

"Not that I wanted to until now." Greg stated. "But after that crash, I don't think I ever want to bring them up again. Steven started ranting about how he wished the Gems never found Earth and he had a normal human life like I had."

"Whoa whoa whoa, where did all this come from?!" Bismuth yelled in alarm, raising her hands towards the former rock star.

"That's what I said!" Greg exclaimed before turning to his despondent son. "And now that I think about it, maybe he had good reason for those wishes after all he's been through."

Steven looked down in utter shame and regret before he walked back inside the beach house, clearly avoiding a chance to speak with his father about the incident.

--

As soon as Steven got inside, the other Crystal Gems were there to greet him, but the looks on their faces told Steven things weren't going to be good.

"Sit down on the couch Steven, we need to talk." Pearl commanded the son of her deceased lover, who did as he was told before Pearl began pacing around. "I just can't believe you, Steven! Crashing the van with Greg inside?! You know how fragile humans are, young man! These pink outbursts need to be dealt with!"

"It's not an outburst!" Steven yelled, briefly inflating himself as he turned pink.

"See, this is exactly what I'm talking about!" Pearl exclaimed before Steven got back up and started walking away. "What is happening to you?!"

"It's nothing, just puberty, honest!" Steven cried as he struggled to keep his pink form at bay.

"Whoa no little dude, I've seen enough sitcoms to know that is not what puberty is like!" Amethyst declared. "Right, Garnet?"

"I can confirm, this is not regular puberty." Garnet nodded before Steven put up a literal wall between him and his guardians.

"Steven, drop the wall this instant!" Pearl ordered as she pressed against the pink, hexagonal dome.

"I'm sorry Pearl!" Steven gasped in apology before the wall disappeared. "I just need some space, okay? I'll be in my room." But as Steven walked upstairs, Amethyst rushed to keep him from going any further.

"Not so fast, my dude!" Amethyst declared. "You gotta tell us what's going on!"

"It seems like Steven wants to avoid a serious discussion altogether." Garnet analyzed.

"No, I'M NOT!" Steven yelled, dropping to his knees and pounding his fist on the stairs, creating a shockwave that shook the entire room.

"Steven, either you talk to us about what's going on, or you're grounded until you're able to explain." Garnet firmly declared.

"She's right man, you gotta chill!" Amethyst exclaimed.

"We need to do something about this before anyone else gets hurt!" Pearl stated as Steven continued struggling where he stood.

"Don't let these strange powers control you." Garnet tried desperately to calm the half-Gem down. "You're better than this."

"LEAVE ME ALOOONE!" Steven finally roared, causing a pink shockwave to burst from his body and seemingly force the Gems to move in slow motion. Or rather, he was moving faster than everyone else. "I'm speeding up again!" he muttered while gazing at his equally pink hands. "I gotta get out of here!"

Steven ran out of the house and far away from the Crystal Gems. There was barely anywhere he could go right now. Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl kept enabling these strange new powers, yet Peridot, Lapis, and Bismuth probably barely knew what to do about things. Thus, there was only one Gem left he knew could help him in his time of need.

--

"The Gems tried to help me, but they just kept making things worse." Steven explained to Jasper later that night while the two sat around a campfire in front of her cave. "And that's why I refuse to go back."

"So what you're saying is," Jasper answered before dramatically removing the cloak she was wearing. "you want a rematch?!"

"What?! No!" Steven exclaimed. "I just told you why I came here in the first place. I think my Diamond powers are coming out, and I have no idea how to control them. I just want to be alone so I can't hurt anyone or be super toxic and controlling."

"So, you finally admitted it, eh?" Jasper rolled her eyes as she got up and walked away. "If you want to be alone, your definition of it is horribly wrong!"

"But Jasper, this is the last place anyone would look for me!" Steven explained before running after Jasper. "Wait, don't leave me here!" he begged the bigger Gem. "This thing with my powers is the real problem."

"The only problem you have is your friends." Jasper declared, much to Steven's confusion. "Just like how you keep holding everyone back, they're doing the same to you!"

"Are you sure?" Steven asked. "I definitely believe I'm getting them all worried."

"That's because they're afraid of you." Jasper responded. "And not just of your powers, but your control over others. And you are too! You came out here to hide, but I'm not one to hide myself. I don't need to hide my power or try to stifle it, I let everything out by training!"

"Like this forest?" Steven wondered, looking around the patch of destroyed trees he and Jasper have stumbled upon.

"Exactly." Jasper answered, walking up to a tree and making it fall over with a single punch. "And to control that power, I have to use it. Those so-called friends of yours don't understand because they always want to make you feel bad for being yourself!"

"Yeah, I do feel bad." Steven muttered to himself, gazing at his fist before walking over to punch another tree, turning pink as he landed a blow that created massive cracks on the bark and wounded his hand.

"Yeah, crush that weakling tree!" Jasper cheered Steven on.

"No!" Steven exclaimed before kissing the tree to fix the damage he did.

"Are you kidding me?! That's disgusting!" Jasper gagged at the sight when she looked down to discover that Steven's kiss caused some grass to grow around them. "No, the grass!" she yelled and rapidly pulled out the grass beneath her. "Get out of here!" Jasper then angrily turned to Steven and picked him up by the collar of his jacket. "Quit helping this planet's ecosystem and show me! Show me your power!"

Jasper harshly threw Steven to the ground, causing him to groan in pain. "No way Jasper!" Steven coughed as he got up from the toss. "I can handle myself!"

"Shut up!" Jasper yelled and lunged at Steven, who turned pink on reflex and created a barrier to defend himself from the Quartz's ruthless attack, but it proved ineffective as Jasper punched straight through it, causing Steven to fall to the ground. "This is it; this is all you were worried about?! What a rip-off!"

As Steven helped himself off the dirt, Jasper just kept on yelling. "I am way stronger than everyone you hold back and are holding you back in return!" she bellowed while pointing at Steven. "Because I'm not afraid of this, and you shouldn't be either!"

In response, Steven turned pink again and created another shield to launch at his opponent. "Yeah, that's more like it!" Jasper declared eagerly and prepared to defend herself, smashing the shield with just her arm. "Now tell me, was it good to let your anger out that way?"

"Y-yeah." Steven realized how good it felt to vent his rage on someone who could be a match for him, allowing Jasper to let out a loud laugh. "If I stay here, will you teach me how to control all this?"

"I won't teach you until you fight me!" Jasper refused the offer.

"Well, I won't fight you unless you teach me!" Steven replied.

"Ugh, fine!" Jasper groaned in resignation.

"Really?!" Steven smiled as he returned to his normal color.

"Here's lesson number one," Jasper responded. "No smiling."

"But I've seen you smile." Steven pointed out the goofy smile Jasper wore when he agreed to fight her not too long ago.

"Lesson two, shut up!" Jasper yelled before she kicked Steven into the air, and the boy landed far from where she could see him with a thud.

"Guess my training starts now." Steven declared to himself before he heard footsteps behind him and turned around to find who was behind him. "YOU!"

"Training with Jasper, Steven?" Black Rutile snickered disdainfully. "Wow kid, you're not just one Spinel, you're an entire circus of them!"

"What do you want with me now Black Rutile?" Steven asked his new archenemy as Black Rutile's three minions appeared behind her.

"We just came here to talk." Aquamarine answered. "As much as we would love to kidnap you and hold you for ransom, or maybe even kill you right here and now, we think hanging with a brute like her is much more fitting."

"Besides, we all know you'll just drive her away like you did to everyone else." Eyeball laughed. "Or maybe even something worse!"

"Look, what we're trying to say is that you should just give up now and get the help you really need." White Topaz cautioned Steven, unaware of how angry she made her teammates. "We only want what's best for you, so you won't get in the way of my Rutile's plan!"

"Are you seriously trying to help our enemy here?" Black Rutile growled with eyelids lowered at White Topaz. "I thought you were at my beck and call whenever I needed you!"

"If you're trying to ruin my life again, it won't work." Steven firmly declared as he got up to face the four insurgent Gems. "I know what you really are, Black Rutile. You're no hero to Homeworld, you're just a callous bully who will do anything to get her way."

"GROW UP STEVEN, GROW UP!" Black Rutile abruptly yelled at Steven's face. "Sociopath, hypocrite! Refusing to save a dying pet because of the natural order when he refuses to accept everyone is leaving him! Who's the real villain between us two, my boy, hm?"

"Still you." Steven remained resolute against the Rutile.

"You can't even begin to comprehend my current plans." Black Rutile replied just as resolutely. "Soon, everyone on this accursed rock will see you for the monster you truly are."

"Hey, where are you?!" Jasper bellowed from afar, and Black Rutile saw this as her cue to leave.

"Wouldn't want to keep a certain someone waiting." Black Rutile smirked. "But at least the three of us agree the Crystal Gems are the real problem."

"Aw, but I wanna turn Jasper against Steven too!" Eyeball complained. "Plus it would be an honor to see her in person again. The real deal, not an Amethyst shapeshifting into her."

"Oh, shut up, and let's get out of here." Aquamarine slapped her Ruby partner and dragged her away by the hand.

"Hey, no hard feelings kid?" White Topaz asked Steven, causing Black Rutile to slap her mouth shut.

"We'll see each other again Steven." Black Rutile declared. "But until then, I'll be watching you, just like I've always had since our last fight."

As the four rogue Gems left, Steven was left alone with his thoughts once more. And with those thoughts, a certain voice in his head re-emerged. "You know, she does raise a few good points."

"You again!" Steven said to the voice. "What do you want now? Are you another Gem working for Black Rutile?!"

"Well, kind of." The voice answered. "I'm not directly working for her, but it's thanks to her that I'm even speaking to you now. Remember that night while the Gems were out in Los Diego? She helped me grow."

"I thought so." Steven muttered in a moment of clarity. "But please, just leave me alone!"

"Maybe I'll just sit back and watch while you worry your so-called friends sick." The voice laughed deeply. "Don't you worry, we'll be seeing each other again very soon."

With that foreboding goodbye, the voice once again vanished from Steven's thoughts. Was it true, was that voice even haunting Steven because of what Black Rutile said to him? Or could it perhaps be even older than that?

"Are you dead or something?!" Jasper yelled for Steven. "Come back over here if you aren't, we got training to do tomorrow!"

"I'm coming!" Steven cried and raced back to Jasper's cave. As soon as he got there, Jasper threw her cloak at his face. "What was that for?"

"Think you might need this." Jasper stated while peering out from her cave. "Humans need to sleep, right?"

"Aw, you really do care for me." Steven blushed at the seemingly kind gesture, but Jasper just scoffed and retreated into the darkness of her home. Steven then just shrugged and laid down on the ground with the cloak covering him like a blanket, gazing up at the stars and wondering how the Crystal Gems must be doing.

--

The next morning, the Crystal Gems were now searching across Beach City for the missing Steven. Pearl had placed posters all over town while Greg helped Lion and Amethyst sniff around for him, but so far they found nothing that would help them.

"Whoa, easy Amethyst!" Greg yelled as he tugged on the leash of a purple-furred Dalmatian with an amethyst gemstone on her chest, which then turned into an exhausted Amethyst.

"We're getting nowhere with this!" Amethyst complained. "I mean, I learned how he could slow down time through Smoky Quartz, and even I don't have a clue!"

"I hope we find him soon, I'm getting worried." Pearl whimpered before she found Garnet walking up to them. "Anything from Little Homeworld, Garnet?"

"Nothing, Peridot and Lapis told me they didn't see Steven recently." Garnet answered. "However, Zuli said she did see a pink blur zoom past yesterday."

"That's the same one I saw with Bismuth while we were fixing the van!" Greg declared. "Could that be Steven?"

"It probably is." Pearl said before she began to break down into tears and hug Greg tightly. "I miss my baby!"

"We all do Pearl." Greg sniffed and returned the hug, followed by Garnet, Amethyst, and Lion joining in to comfort the Pearl. "We all do."

However, little did the Gems know, Steven was perfectly fine. But not the kind of fine they want him to be.

--

Far off in the woods, Steven had fallen fast asleep underneath the blanket Jasper had lent him. But his rest wouldn't last long as Jasper emerged from her cave and smashed a wall, shocking him awake.

"Rise and shine, your training begins today!" Jasper barked as she walked up to the half-Gem boy and picked him up by the neck. "Now tell me, what are you here for again?"

"Uh, to get a better control of my powers?" Steven answered.

"Not enough energy." Jasper shook her head in disdain. "Why don't we start with the only way you can talk to people?" she suggested and then cleared her throat. "So you're here because of your mother, kid? Well, whoop-de-doo!" the big Quartz began singing while circling Steven. "You still haven't realized more have suffered than just you! If you wanna get tougher kid, here's a tip. I got three little words for you: get a grip!"

"Shouldn't that apply to you too?" Steven asked his new mentor.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Jasper growled while walking towards some boulders and picked one up.

"I mean, you're stuck here because of me." Steven continued, much to Jasper's anger. "Not to mention closets full of-"

"Do you want my help or not?!" Jasper roared.

"Yes ma'am!" Steven nervously complied before Jasper threw him a boulder.

"That's better." Jasper grinned smugly as she hoisted up more boulders on her back and walked away. "Follow me."

--

"You've been through a lot brat, but let me say something about that." Jasper began singing again as Steven followed her up the mountain with boulders in hand. "As a veteran, I've seen far messier, you should've seen the Clash at the Theater."

"I don't think I've heard of that before." Steven stated while setting the boulders down nearby.

"Doesn't matter, just giving an example." Jasper replied as she dropped her boulders too. "Now come on, throw me some shields!" Steven nodded before he turned pink and summoned multiple barriers to unleash on Jasper, who managed to break through all of them. "The fusion's all high and mighty. Amethyst can be pretty flighty. And the Pearl, wow, she's nuts, you see! They all got experience, but none like mine!"

--

"Maybe when you're done, you'll be feeling just fine." The next day, Steven continued training via splitting logs in half on a stump, while Jasper demonstrated her superior strength by knocking down a tree with just a push. In the meantime, Black Rutile whispered something into Jasper's ear without her knowing the Rutile was even there.

--

"If you wanna get tougher kid, here's a tip." As night began to fall, Jasper challenged Steven to a race, her spin-dash against his pink form's speed. "I got three little words for you: get a grip! Ya hear me!"

"Yeah, those three little words are 'Get a Grip!'" Steven joined in on the song as he began catching up to Jasper.

"Now we're talking!" Jasper cheered triumphantly.

--

"No time for healing!" As the training went on to the day after that, Steven had grown slightly taller and more muscular, and even began growing a beard as he threw another barrier at Jasper. "Who needs feeling?!"

--

"You're still reeling?" Steven caught a fish in the river with a more polygonal bubble that he cooked up to eat, while Black Rutile loomed behind him with another lie to tell him. "Well, my tips are quite appealing! Let's say it again!"

--

"If you wanna get tougher kid, here's a tip." Steven and Jasper harmonized while clashing fists in a forest clearing. "I got three little words for you: get a grip!"

"Yes, for everything to go as planned, get a grip." Black Rutile muttered while watching the two train with an evil smile, eager to see how far Steven has come and how far he'll fall.

--

The next day, thunder began rumbling far from Steven, who knelt in front of a campfire with a more muscular body that made him as tall as Jasper and a wildly different hairstyle.

"I found more rocks!" Jasper called out to her student while tossing over some more rocks for him to train with. "You won't believe how hard it is to find a good rock around here, especially since we broke most of them."

"I'm done with rocks Jasper." Steven declared while getting up to face Jasper. "I'm finally ready. For our rematch." He then put out the fire behind him with one stomp, showing the other Gem how serious he was.

"Took you long enough!" Jasper cackled as she cracked her knuckles and prepared for her long-awaited round 2. "Then come on, show me what you got!"

Steven responded by creating another hexagonal shield to launch at Jasper. However, Jasper jumped over the shield and attempted to punch Steven, but suddenly, she got punched instead. As Steven let out a gasp, Jasper summoned her horned crash helmet and slammed it into Steven's head, sending him tumbling backwards into the ground.

"What are you holding back for Steven?!" Jasper yelled while the resulting smoke began to clear. "You think you can't take it, that I'm just going to coddle you the whole way through, just like the Gems?! You still want to go back to them?"

"No!" Steven coughed from the smoke.

"You still afraid to be strong?!" Jasper continued taunting her foe. "Are you dull?! ARE YOU PITIFUL?!"

"I AM NOT!" Steven bellowed out loud, causing a shockwave that knocked Jasper back, and nearly shook a certain Rutile from a tree she was hiding in as he lunged at Jasper with fury in his eyes.

"Is that all?!" Jasper cackled arrogantly, forcing Steven to create more barriers to strike at her with, which finally landed a hit on Jasper and slammed her into a tree. "That's more like it!"

Steven let out a sadistic giggle before he lunged again, far faster than normal as he started repeatedly punching Jasper while the two soared through the forest and into the air.

"Come on, come on!" Jasper beckoned Steven as their brawl took to the skies. "Show your master what you can really do!"

Steven's maniacal laughter grew louder and louder with each punch before kicking Jasper to the ground. "You were right Jasper!" he declared while summoning more shields to trap Jasper with before forming an even larger one in front of him. "I HAVE BEEN HOLDING BACK!"

With a murderous smile and white diamonds in his eyes, Steven made his barrier grow razor-sharp spikes before launching it at his captive opponent. And for the first time in what felt like ages, as the spiked shield rocketed towards her, Jasper felt one emotion that she barely showed to anyone else.

Pure, unadulterated terror.

What had she done?

--

The cloudy skies gave way to a loud thunderstorm as Black Rutile climbed up to the top of another tree to watch the outcome of the fight, and she was more than happy with what she was seeing.

"Bravo Steven, I never knew you had it in you!" Black Rutile clapped loud enough for Steven to hear as he returned to his senses to realize what he had just done. "If I hadn't planned for that, she would've made a great bodyguard!"

With tears and raindrops staining his face, Steven hid whatever he was hiding in his balled-up fist while glaring at Black Rutile before he raced back to Jasper's cave. When Black Rutile decided to climb down the tree, she was greeted by the nervous look on her Topaz's face. "So, who were you betting on to win?"

"I was betting on Steven to curb his problems more healthily, and you just kept stringing him along!" White Topaz accused her superior, but her accusations were shut down by a bowie knife pointed straight at her face. "Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry! Would a shadow puppet make you feel better?!"

"No need." Black Rutile frowned, hiding behind the tree to watch as Steven, now wearing his jacket again, hid his fist in one of the pockets while running out of the woods. "Nothing makes me happier than seeing him squirm."

"Oh yeah, it's funny how pathetic he is." White Topaz laughed nervously in agreement. "Come on, let's head back to the cave. Don't wanna get wet."

"Indeed," Black Rutile agreed and strolled back to their lair with her arms behind her back. "wouldn't want anyone knowing what we did to him."

--

"I sent so many messages, but he hasn't replied!" Pearl fretted while pacing around the beach house as the storm continued. "Do you think he even had his phone when he ran away?! What if something horrible happened and it's all our fault because he wanted to stay away from us?! What if-" Pearl's panicking soon turned to hyperventilating as she curled up into a ball on the floor and began rocking back and forth when Amethyst stepped in to calm her down.

"Pearl, chill out!" Amethyst literally shook Pearl out of her traumatized state and picked her up off the floor. "Panting and sweating over everything won't bring Steven back! It's not like he's going to just barge in as soon as I finish talking!"

Just then, Steven finally returned home, much to the Crystal Gems' delight and worry. However, he had no time to tell them where he's been as he gunned for the bathroom.

"Steven, where have you been?!" Pearl cried out in fright for her surrogate son.

"No time to talk!" Steven exclaimed before ducking into the bathroom.

"Seriously man, we've been looking everywhere!" Amethyst added just as the door closed in front of her. "Hey, what was that in your hand?"

"Nothing important!" Steven replied, peeking out the door one last time before going back.

"The way he said that makes me get a bad feeling about this." Garnet declared ominously.

--

'This has been a horrible day.' Steven thought to himself while filling up the bathtub and snatching the three Diamond essence bottles from the mirror, taking a moment to find a dark shadow in the exact shape of his muscular self from earlier standing behind his reflection.

"I never knew you had it in you either." The shadow growled before Steven turned to dump all the Diamonds' essences in the bathwater and pulled his fist out of his pocket, unfolding it to reveal Jasper's shattered remains in his palms.

"Please work, you gotta work!" Steven muttered in total panic while piecing Jasper's broken gemstone the best he could and submerging it in the water. "Please Jasper, I'm sorry!" he began sobbing for the deceased Gem, his hot tears streaking against his face and dropping into the water.

"I'm sorry."

END OF PART 3: FRAGMENTED MIND

TO BE CONCLUDED IN PART 4: WE WILL ALWAYS BE YOUR FAMILY

--

Wow. Great googly moogly, it's all gone to shit, just the kind of shit that Black Rutile likes. Is Jasper truly gone? Okay, definitely not since next chapter after the break will be Homeworld Bound. Has Black Rutile won? Maybe. Will the voice in Steven's head take the wheel? Who knows? Find out on the epic final part of Steven Universe: Alternate Future, to perhaps begin after the usual two-month hiatus. Or maybe I should go for a shorter hiatus this time. Or maybe longer? What do you guys think? I mean, by the time I publish this, I'll be getting ready for sophomore year of college so my time will most definitely be filled up. But regardless, there are now only eight chapters left of laughs, tears and adrenaline rush, so don't even try to miss the next arc! Okay, peace!

[officialleehadan]

Black or Gold

“For the last time, I’m not Blackout,.”

Richard was tied to a chair in the middle of the room and had woken Alexander up with their unfortunately-common signal for aid. Alexander was in no mood to do anything but have a bath to try and soak some of his bruises out, but Richard wouldn’t call without it being serious. So he struggled back into his uniform, cursed the very thought of the newly-arrived hero, Frigate, whose Power in no way involved boats, and went to save his twin.

His sense of his twin was reliable, and more so when they were making an effort. Reasonably determined to find his twin before whatever situation he was in went south, he flew through the city and ignored the calls of challenge and greeting that met him on his way. All the way out of the city towards the docks, because they always went to the docks, and towards the warehouses.

He was going to have to talk to Richard about dealing with those warehouses, soon. More and more, they were just handy lairs for whoever decided to hole up in them.

Including, much to Alexander’s profound displeasure the shiny new villain who had been his perpetual headache for the better part of six months.

Alloy had Richard tied up in the middle of the warehouse and seemed to be going on and on about how Richard would be the perfect bait and how they never should have tipped their hand to him.

All reasonably standard villain tricks, except for one particularly stupid mistake.

The person he was hoping to kill was Lockdown. Richard’s Heroic alter-ego, not Alexander’s.

The irony was not lost on Richard, who seemed to be torn between despair in the new generation of heroes and hilarity. From his lace on the catwalks, Alexander could see him trying not to laugh.

“I could swear we went over this last time,” Richard said when Alloy stopped to take a breath, clearly intent on continuing the monologue. “Remember? When you captured Blackout? I mean, full marks, you’ve clearly got some skills, since you’ve managed to capture us both at this point, but we really need to go over ‘we’re not the same person’ again. You seem to be struggling.”

Alloy paused and looked at him more closely. “No, I remember. Gold suit is Blackout, black suit is Lockdown. You’re just pulling the same trick you pulled last time!”

“I’m sincerely not,” Richard muttered. Alexander sent a tiny spider-bot down a pillar. Alloy didn’t even notice as the little bot skittered over the floor and scrambled up to begin getting Richard’s hands free. Richard leaned back to give it some cover and pretended to ignore it, but Alexander could feel their Power working together. There was, unfortunately, almost nothing for a technopath to use in the warehouse, but they could work around that. “Don’t you think a villain named Blackout would wear, I don’t know, black?”

“Silence! Your heroic brother will come, and I shall-“

“Kill me? I thought you didn’t like killing. Against the code, you know. Can’t do it.”

“Well, I mean, I wouldn’t- stop trying to confuse me! I can tell you apart!”

“No, you really can’t,” Alexander said when Richard’s hands were free. “So let’s go over this again. The twin that’s about to beat you to a pulp is Blackout. Namely, me. The twin isn’t going to try very hard to stop me is Lockdown.”

“No, wait,” Richard said helpfully in an absolute deadpan. “No. Blackout. Don’t kill him. Please. Oh someone. The violence. How horrifying.”

Alloy stared at both of them in growing horror. “Wait, you- you’re really- I set a trap for you and baited it with you?”

“You’re new at this,” Richard said, possessed of their mother’s relentless need to be nice.

“You’re an idiot,” Alexander said on his heels, possessed of no niceness at all, and in a foul mood.

Alloy looked between them, blanched white under the half-cover of his mask, and raised his hands. The floor under them heaved and rolled, and shaped itself into a monstrous creature of concrete and linoleum, with rebar teeth and claws.

“I thought your power was with metals! Your name is Alloy!” Alexander snarled at Alloy, who had the courtesy to look somewhat abashed. “You’re a Constructor? What the hell!”

“Alloy was just such a cool name,” he protested even as Richard shook his ropes off and merged Alexander’s spider-bot into a sword, with the help of most of the cables from the walls. “Everyone always says you have to have a good name and Lockdown is so cool and so is Blackout! How can I be your villain if I’m not cool?!”

“You have until I’m done blowing this thing up to run for your life,” Alexander told him, aching, tired, and all done as he pulled out a pair of concussion grenades from his coat, tossed one to Richard, and yanked the pin on the one he kept. A good push of his power embedded it deep in the construct’s chest. Richard followed suit and sent his into its head. “If you’re still here when I’m done, I’m gong to run you through a meat grinder, legs first.”

“Where would you even get a meat grinder that big?” Richard asked, unfortunately occupied by the construct’s rebar claws. “Do you have one handy or would you build one?”

“Oh, I’d build one just for him,” Alexander said, and pulled his twin down as he raised a metal shield around them. The concussion grenades went off and sent rubble in every direction with a deafening boom. When the smoke cleared, he looked around and sighed, only a little disappointed. “Oh look. He’s gone.”

“Probably for the best,” Richard muttered, and steadied Alexander when he swayed on his feet. You okay?”

“I ran into Frigate earlier.”

“Ah. Anything broken? I’m sorry to bother you, but he picked a good location, and I couldn’t get a grip on the electronics without a secondary transmission point.”

“Always happy to reroute the signal. And no, nothing broken, but I’m going home, and I’m going to sleep until I don’t hurt so much, and then I’m going hunting. If you don’t actually want me to kill the brat, you can come with.”

“Let’s get you home first. You can plan Alloy’s murder once you’re feeling a little better.”

+++

Twins Together:

There’s always a good twin, and an evil one. The thing is, Alexander and Richard really don’t know which of them is which, no matter what the tabloids say.

Brothers Apart

Sanctuary Always

Twins in Crime

Twinning Disagreements

Bond of Brothers

One Mind, Two Heads (Subscriber Only!)

Get Out of My Head (Subscriber Only!

Superpowered Birds and Bees (Free on Patreon!)

+++

More Stories!

+++

[bitter69uk]

The Astro-Zombies (1968). Alternate titles: Space Zombies. The Space Vampires. Taglines: “Dismembered Bodies, Transplanted Organs, Are Used to Create The... Astro-Zombies!” “Human Transplants Go Berserk! Beautiful Girls Mutilated! Grotesque Terror! So Shocking You Will Die a Thousand Deaths!” I’m using this period of enforced social isolation to explore the weirder corners of YouTube for long forgotten and obscure movies. (My boyfriend Pal is accompanying me only semi-willingly). 

I must admit: this one utterly defeated me. With considerable justification, schlock director Ted V Mikels’ wildly incoherent science fiction horror thriller The Astro-Zombies is widely regarded as one of the worst films ever made. I can’t decide which word describes Astro-Zombies most accurately: stupefying? Stultifying? What’s certainly unique about it: The Astro-Zombies manages to be both action-packed and eventful, and yet excruciatingly dull. Maybe because the pacing is so “leisurely.” From what I can gather: in his secret dungeon lair, twisted evil scientist Dr DeMarco (John Carradine) has created a race of “super humans” by re-animating corpses … something something … but instead his creations have turned out to be homicidal “astro- zombies” (who wear what look like vaguely insectoid rubber wrestling masks) … something something … these zombies have escaped and are running amok, rampaging through Los Angeles committing a series of brutal “mutilation murders” … something something … did I mention that like any self-respecting mad scientist, Dr DeMarco has a mute hunchbacked assistant who goes out stealing cadavers for him? (He’s called Franchot) ... something something … the CIA and various evil spies are investigating DeMarco’s experiments for their own ends (I defy you to make sense of this part) ... something something … there are frequent shoot-outs and gruesome murders … something something … but mostly there is endless bad sci fi mumbo jumbo dialogue about things like thought-wave transmissions, pre-designated frequency cycles, memory-retention cells and total astro-mobilization, usually delivered by someone wearing a white coat in a laboratory, holding a test tube or looking into a microscope. The Astro-Zombies is so suspense-free, your eyes will glaze-over! 

The Astro-Zombies does have its compensations. Everyone drives fabulous atomic-era cars with fins. When the action isn’t taking place in el cheap-o laboratory or dungeon sets there’s some nice stark mid-century décor. All the men have heavily pomaded hair. A memorable nightclub scene features a semi-nude go-go dancer doing a dramatic and artistic interpretive dance in little more than body paint to the accompaniment of exotica music (director Mikels himself is visible playing the bongos). 

But forget all that: The Astro-Zombies is most noteworthy for offering steel-cheekboned burlesque glamazon Tura Satana (1938 - 2011) her most substantial movie role outside of Russ Meyer’s 1966 masterpiece Faster, Pussycat! Kill! Kill! Whether pacing around her apartment chain-smoking and evilly scheming, stubbing out a lit cigarette on a man’s face and ordering, “Kill him” or nonchalantly wielding a gun, Satana is fierce as the dragon lady villainess. (Note: the budget was so low Satana wears her own personal wardrobe onscreen). When we’re first introduced to Satana she’s sashaying into a swanky cocktail lounge accompanied by Juan, her mean and sexy switchblade-packing Latino henchman played by the intensely cute and adorable Rafael Campos (who was once married to blues diva Dinah Washington and specialized in juvenile delinquent roles in his youth). These two are dazzlingly stylish together. If you still intend to watch The Astro-Zombies, I’d recommend approaching it as an act of diva worship purely for the majestic Tura Satana.   

Watch The Astro-Zombies here.

Let’s face it: the puritanical, hypocritical and homophobic hellsite Tumblr has become a dying platform since it banned adult content in December 2018. I post here less and less. Follow me instead on Instagram, Twitter, Facebook or on my blog. Fuck Tumblr!

[bloodilymerry]

TCW rewatch

Season One

Ambush

 How did Dooku know about the meeting with Katoonko? Did a certain Chancellor inform him?

 Jedi Grandpa!

 "See? See? Size matters not!" You know, it makes you wonder how many times Yoda got underestimated because he's tiny. Also, the giggle afterwards.

The resigned clones. Aw.

I will never stop finding it amusing how Yoda turns into a tiny bouncy zip ball of death in a fight. Trust Yoda to weaponize being a nuisance. Also, a beautiful example of deadly dodging

 Aw. The part where Yoda talks with the clones about how different they are in the Force.

 Also aw, Yoda and the birbs after the fight.

 Also, also, Yoda is actually quite friendly to Ventress. When he's talking to Dooku there is something of an edge (not much, though), but with Ventress he's using the Trickster Mentor Voice. Maybe you should have surrendered, Asajj?

Clone tattoo count: 2

Rising Malevolence

Anakin, since when are you asking the Council for permission first? Are you secretly jealous of Plo Koon, or something?

Anakin telling Ahsoka to behave is funny, because it's Anakin.

You know, Anakin, you seem to be the only Jedi upset about Ahsoka speaking up. And don't think I didn't notice you Palpatine, making a pointed comment about how bold Ahsoka is.

Also, interesting contrast between Anakin insisting on finding the weapon being more important to cut to Plo Koon emphatically saying he values clone lives more than finding the weapon. Of course, it turns out that he meant to go look for surviviors ten seconds later, but nevertheless, interesting contrast.

Of course, Anakin decides to reinterpret orders. It's what Anakin does. And yes, he was always going to look for surviviors, but has it occured to you, Anakin, that you could have told Ahsoka that and not put her through all the worry? That was kinda shitty of you.

And here we have Plo Koon performing Peak Jedi Bullshit, by going on a walk on an escape pod in space to fight battle droids. And then doing a Fastball Special with a clone.

So, we have Yoda, Mace and Obi-Wan in camp "geater scope" and Anakin, Plo and Ahsoka in camp "save lives". It's interesting to note that it's one of the situations where both sides have a point. Saving the lives of the clones and Plo Koon is important! It's the right thing to do! But at the same time, Anakin and Ahsoka have a vital mission that they've taken a detour from.

 Palpatine is doing subtle shit stirring, of course, by hinting most hintingly that Anakin's decision might be a costly mistake. And then immediately calling Anakin to tell them the Council is "furious" when they're actually concerned and kinda annoyed.

Anakin's reply that he came to save Plo Koon and no mention of clones is pretty telling.

Aw, Ahsoka sensing Plo Koon.

"We're clones, we're meant to be expendable." "Not. To. Me." <3

So, obvs, Anakin doesn't look completely great in this episode - but there's also the point that Ahsoka is his first child I mean padawan, so he was bound to make mistakes. He certainly teaches her about persistence and determination, but he also fails to trust her and reassure her. Equally, with the clones, they may not be his main concern when looking for survivors - he wants to find Plo Koon, because he's Ahsoka's friend first, but he also shows concern for them and care once they're on the ship.

Shadow of Malevolence

 And now it's time for Anakin Has a Reckless Plan. Ahsoka and Plo caution him against it, but Anakin is certain it will work out.

Cute detail: Plo and Ahsoka note that Anakin inspires great loyalty in his clones by leading by example.

It's time for The Villains Will be Doing a War Crime!

Hello there Space Manta Rays! You look like you have a lot of teeth!

Oh Anakin. It's good that you eventually listened to Ahsoka and Plo Koon and did change your plan for one where it's not just you as the last man standing, because the clones aren't space wizards like you.

So, it's probably a good moment to note that Anakin's plan wasn't The Worst or anything like that--it does work with the changes suggested by Ahsoka and Plo Koon, and it might have worked even better if Anakin had listened to them from the start.

It's also an interesting point to see how being such a good pilot and so strong in the Force affects Anakin's judgement--it just doesn't occur to him that his baseline isn't the same as the Clones. It's not malicious, and it is understandable. It's a common human bias to think of the things that come easily to you as easy for everyone, when it doesn't have to be the case.

Destroy Malevolence:

Hello Padme!

I see Palpatine sent her right into the embrace of General Grevious. Damn it, Palpatine.

You know how people say that Luke is gentle and so on like Padme, and Leia is brash and aggressive like Anakin. Ahahahaha. Ahahahahaha. You know, the Padme who yelled at Anakin to continue shooting the Malevolence because she won't be a hostage? The Padme who rigged her ship to blow up and nearly took out Grevious?

Plo Koon once again points out Anakin is taking terrible risks. Obi-Wan apparently decided it's time for him to join the party. There was no mention of him taking terrible risks.

Padme and Anakin are being subtle. They're just missing a "we're in love" flag.

Hinty hint, huh, Obi-Wan?

Cutting off the transmission you don't like, Grevious?

And boom goes Malevolence

Rookies

Clone tattoo count: 2

Did the sergeant dye his hair and eyebrows to look like he's going grey?

Great acting there, infiltrator droids. You tried.

A+ acting there, Rex.

Hevy, no!

Downfall of a Droid

Anakin is Having a Reckless and Ahsoka Is the Voice of Reason once more.

Ah, this is the Anakin and Attachment Are a Problem episode. And also Obi-Wan could stand to be nicer about droids.

And here's R3, to whom Anakin will be mean, because he's not R2, but it's OK, because R3 is secretly a spy.

How to disguise a Jedi: put a poncho over your Jedi clothes. Don't hide anything else.

OK, Anakin isn't particularly mean to R3. And he does make himself look particularly incompetent.

I notice that both Grevious and the Trandshan sleezy droid guy have An Accent, unlike our heroes.

 R2 is making a valiant escape.

R3 isn't even trying to pretend he doesn't want Anakin caught or dead, is he?

Not my favourite episode.

Duel of the Droids

Really Ahsoka. Don't be mean to Rex and have him carry around a droid.

And here we have Anakin and Ahsoka demonstrating that Jedi don't need parachutes.

R3 REALLY isn't bothering pretending not to be a spy. Like really really.

Ahsoka vs Grevious is going quite well for Ahsoka, so far.

Well, it was going well.

R2 defeats his Evil Counterpart. The day is saved! Anakin didn't learn his important lesson.

Bombad Jedi

Palpatine uses Concerned Grandpa Facade on Padme. It's not very effective.

Hello Jar-Jar. You're like Jaskier on steroids. Someone just needs to let you compose catchy earworms.

So, everyone looks reasonable for looking Jar-Jar behind, but this is one of this occassions when it turns out he's vital.

Oops. Padme gets to hear that the Republic isn't helping very much. (Although trusting the Trade Federation isn't exactly smart on Ono's part...)

Whose cloak could this be, hmmm?

Padme is sure having fun rescuing herself and pretending a Jedi is saving her there.

Yep, trusting the Trade Federation is a bad idea.

And this is why giant bug friends are good friends.

And we end on a Very Important Lesson.

Cloak of Darkness

Interesting little detail: Ahsoka is sent out with Luminara, without Anakin. This seems to be situation as normal, too, so Padawans were not expected to learn and work only with their Masters.

Famous last words, Ahsoka

And I think we see Anakin's influence on Ahsoka, when she threatens Gunray. Luminara shuts that down pretty quickly. It's also interesting that Ahsoka charges in despite Luminara having everything perfectly in grip.

On consideration, this might be one of the reasons why Jedi would send padawans to do stuff with other Jedi. It gives them the opportunity to notice anything of concern that the padawan's Master missed or messed up.

Hello Asajj. You're doing pretty well in this episode.

Poor Luminara. Ahsoka's inner Leroy Jenkins was very strong that day.

Luminara uses Taunt on Asajj. It's super effective.

You know, it's... interesting that the person who says that sometimes soldiers should disobey orders turns out to be a traitor. Not sure if like, given a. what happens later in SW and b. who exactly used the "I was just obeying orders" in RL.

 And our traitor gets reward by a stabbing.

Luminara praises Ahsoka. Aw.

Lair of Grevious

Hello there, Kit!

 Aww, Nahdar and Kit.

Clone Trooper: I'll blast the door! Nahdar: I will stab the door! Kit: Guys, let's just open it?

A statue of a warrior holding a head. All good and not creepy at all.

Hello there Grevious's masks. That is also good and not creepy.

And we have one of the earliest examples of the war taking toll on the Jedi with Nahdar's reaction to loss. He swears revange and says that the strong win, both of which aren't very Jedi sentiments, though they are understandable reactions. Which eventually gets Nahdar killed, since he decides to fight Grevious on his own.

And you know, it sucks that Kit and Nahdar don’t actually have a moment for Kit to be more supportive about this. 

[littleredhat29]

Tradition.

“So now I suppose you will send me off to prison you will turn me over to the rightful authority oh great and lawful heroes?” Gabriel Agreste sneered as he stood before Ladybug and Chat Noir.

 Ladybug’s yoyo holding him so that he couldn’t move a muscle. They had gotten him when he had realized that Emmile was missing and they were now in his basement lair.

The heroes were victorious at last. His own son had apparently ratted him out in exchange for the guardian's help in healing his mother and Natalie.  

He had chosen to trust masked strangers instead of his own father. Gabriel seethed at the betrayal.

Ladybug shook her head in and held out the box with the Butterfly Broach.”The proper authority is already in front of you Mr. Agreste.” She opened it and Nooroo was released. 

“You see the punishment for misusing a miraculous is traditionally carried out by the Kwami of that Miraculous.”Chat Noir explained smiling grimly.

Gabriel stared at Nooroo. The floating creature’s face was blank and serious. 

None of the fear or concern that usually graced the small creature’s face was apparent.  

“Nooroo.”Gabriel stated calmly. “You know that my reasons for using you were valid. I was only doing what I had to do.”

“You liked it.”whispered the kwami of transmission.

“What?”Gabriel was confused. Liked what.

“YOU LIKED IT!”Nooroo exploded.”Controlling people,hurting people,making everyone terrified!”There were tears in the purple kwami’s eyes.”Controlling me,hurting me,making me terrified.”

The kwami glared and suddenly Gabriel felt very small and mortal.

“You loved it more that anything. More that your family,more than Natalie. You never would have let it end!”Nooroo clutched his head in utter distress.

“That is not true I did it all for those I love!”Gabriel would not have these lies from his former servant. He may have been cruel but that was only by necessity.

 “Have you forgotten that I am the source of your power my former master!?”now even the two heroes of Paris were gaping in awe Nooroo’s volume and emotion.”I could feel your pleasure at every heart you darkened,your joy at every scream you caused.”

“Your gleeful satisfaction in your control over me.”The kwami lowered his voice and hissed “And your control over Adrian.”

“No! I only wanted what was best for him! He is my whole world.”Gabriel shouted in rage.

“You truly believe that just like you truly believe that your actions were just.”Nooroo had calmed and Gabriel felt a chill sweat.”But your feelings reveal the truth behind the lies you’ve justified your evil with. 

“Nooroo looked at him in utter disgust.”You felt more pride and happiness terrorizing the city than any emotion you’ve ever felt towards your own child.”

Gabriel scoffed and grinned at the creature”Is this my punishment? A lecture?”

“No Gabriel this is your punishment.”Nooroo held out a tiny paw and I white butterfly landed on it. 

The insect began to glow brighter and brighter all the humans had to turn away. 

Then the light faded to reveal the butterfly had turned a mirror sheen. Silvery and metallic.

“Enter this wicked one’s heart.”Commanded Nooroo “Let now his flesh reflect the ugliness and cruelty there.”

Gabriel stood horrified as the mirrored butterfly headed strait for his chest. 

Akuma couldn’t enter people’s bodies but this was not an akuma. 

He felt it enter his chest like a knife and screamed as he felt his body start to twitch and shift unnaturally. Akuma’s were like clothing this was like surgery.

“I bind you to this house.”declared Nooroo”I bind your actions and movements. I bind your words. I bind you to your only son. You will act only at his commands.”

“I curse you with obedience and servitude Gabriel Agreste.”

Gabriel’s body finally stopped thrashing. The pain was so great he could barely see but he knew he had changed. 

He looked down at his altered body in shock.

“How...How..I...”he was at loss for words. This was not the price he thought he would have to pay for failure. 

Just what were kwamis really? What had he been dealing  with all this time?

“Now the cure to this curse should be familiar to you Gabriel.”Nooroo stated scornfully.

Cure? He glanced at Ladybug. She shook her head and nodded back at Nooroo.

“The Beast can only regain their human form when he learns to truly love another and earn their love in return.”

[thecomicsmultiversetu]

Picks & Pulls for March 29th, 2017 and PORTRAITS Kickstarter Interview

Picks & Pulls for March 29th, 2017 PORTRAITS #Kickstarter Interview with @DaveWachter

    The Picks & Pulls list may be shorter this week , but that doesn’t mean that I don’t have a lot planned to post this week. I am hoping to have two more posts ready to go later this week: My thoughts and review of the IRON FIST Netflix series and thoughts on the Justice League movie trailer abomination that was released this weekend The first in a series of what I am calling REBIRTH…

[kprciffdw]

Ratchet and Kim Possible Chronicles: The Solanian Revolution-Part 15

Returning to the moon system, they were able to fly into the third moon, which use to have been encased in a force field. As soon as they landed inside and got out of their ship, they had a chance to look around. Ron: "Whoa…just look at this place. This is like…some sort of dance studio-themed evil lair." Kim: "I would guess that this is where Courtney would have set up her base." Ratchet: "It seems like her kind of place, alright. Come on, let's go see if we can find Skidd around here."

They rushed through the entire place as fast as they could.

The place was indeed very unique. The deeper they went, the more they believed that they would find Courtney aside from hoping to find Skidd.

They kept on going till they were able to reach the last chamber of the place. There, they saw what appeared to be a lab of sorts. Ron: "Whoa, just what kind of freaky place is this?" Clank: "This is the testing lab for the Biobliterator." Kim: "The what? Wait! Clank, how is it possible for you to have known that? There's nothing here that could have imply that." Ron: "Hold on for a minute. Are we going to be able to find out what that Biobliteration thingie does?" Ratchet: "I would hope so. Let's see what Nefarious has been up to."

They checked out a nearby screen. On it was Skidd hooked up to a machine that Courtney planned to test on him. With 1 zap of a laser, Skidd was transformed into a robot version of himself. The group was greatly shocked to see this, but Ron was very, very distraught. Ron: "SKIDD! NOOO!"

He fell on his hands and knees and banged his fist on the floor. Ratchet: "They turned Skidd into a robot!? But…that's impossible!" Clank: "Not for Dr. Nefarious…uh, apparently." Kim: "So, Dr. Nefarious plans on turning all organic life forms into robots?" Courtney: "That's right, but don't be afraid. The transformation doesn't hurt…much."

They were then warped out of the room.

They arrived within another chamber that they have seen before. Ron: "Hey, I remember this place. This is the room that we saw that…that horrible music video." Courtney: "I can see you gross organics have checked out my latest work."

Before them was Courtney. Kim: "Courtney!" Courtney: "It seems that the test was a huge success. Soon, the entire galaxy will be populated by robots. Wouldn't you enjoy being a robot? I think it's a lot more fun than being a disgusting, squishy organic." Ron: "You're just another rotten diva, Courtney!" Ratchet: "No kidding, Ron! She's even worse than Bonnie!" Kim: "Oh, for sure!" Rufus: "(growl) Courtney!" Courtney: "Aw, is that your initial reaction to what we have planned for the future of the galaxy? Such a pitiful shame. Fine, if you won't submit, then I will force you to undergo the process." Kim: "Heh! You wish! We will never give in to this despicable plan of yours but go ahead and try." Courtney: "Gladly, but before we start, allow me to introduce you to my new "back up dancers". They're sure to be quite killer."

A nearby platform rose up near her. The group watched this occurring, within that time, they saw something that greatly startled Kim and Ron. Ron: "No way…!" Kim: "It…can't be…!"

Standing on the platforms were the Bebe bots. Ron: "It…it's the…it's the…" Kim: "The Bebes…!" Ratchet: "Those are the Bebe bots? The ones that Drakken warned us about?" Bebe 1: "We shall annihilate…" Bebe 2: "All organic life forms…" Bebe 3: "In the name of Dr. Nefarious." Bebes: "Fore he is the greatest." Courtney: "So you're acquainted with these bots? They came from some nowhere planet infested with too many organic vermin. I feel really sad for them for coming from such a backwater place." Kim: "Hey! That's our home planet you're talking about!" Ratchet: "That's it! I've had it with you! No one insults my friends or the planet they're from! I hope you can fight better than you can sing because we're taking you down!" Courtney: "Heh! Not likely, but go ahead and try. Bebes, let's fight these disgusting squishes and make them one of us!" Bebes: "Affirmative."

The group began their epic fight against Courtney and the Bebes. The vicious robot girls were shown to be very formidable and very, very dangerous, just like how Kim and Ron remembered them to be. They even went as far as nearly beating the group, but the group really held their own as they were persistent and were very able to endure. At one point, Ron sought his chance to send Rufus over to climb all over Courtney, which really, really bothered her. She let out a loud scream. Courtney: "Get this disgusting, ugly rat off of me!" Bebes: "Bebes, crush that hairless freak!"

The Bebes went towards Courtney and tried to do away with Rufus, but he was too quick for them. With the Bebes distracted, the group managed to get the upperhand against them, especially Ratchet, whose weaponry have already shown to be a decent match against the vicious bots.

Soon enough, the group was able to subdue Courtney and the Bebes, bringing them down. Courtney fell to the floor. Courtney: "Oh, no! How will my fans live without me?"

Kim walked up to her, bent down directly in front of her and got really close to her face. Kim: "You're a huge disappointment to all of your fans; robots and organics alike. They will move on and they're better off without you."

She stood right back up and walked off. Ratchet: "I know I am."

He walked off after Kim. Ron glared at Courtney for a bit then walked off. Rufus jumped off of Courtney, kicked her in the head, then let out a raspberry before rushing off back to Ron. The group stopped and stood near another. Clank: "Oh! Transmission from the Phoenix."

A portable screen appeared, displaying an image of Sasha. Sasha: "Guys, we've located Nefarious' star cruiser. It's currently refueling at the Zeldrin Starport. Qwark is already on his way there now." Kim: "Huh! It's about time that big, stupid oaf is doing something useful for a change." Ratchet: "Hold on for a sec. It might be a trap." Kim: "Hm…you know, I was suspecting the same thing." Ratchet: "I think Courtney Gears is setting us up." Kim: "Yes…in a way. Still, it could be our only way to get to Nefarious." Ratchet: "My thoughts exactly, Kim. We'll meet Qwark at the starport." Sasha: "Be careful, you guys." Kim: "Let's go." Ron: "But what about Skidd?"

They looked over and noticed Skidd walking back and forth with his arms held in front of him. Skidd: "Arr…like, destroy all squishies…and stuff." Ratchet: "We'll…have Wade figure out what to do with him. Come on, let's get to the starport."

They returned to the ship and left the moon.

They flew through space for a very long time. Ron was looking out the window. Clank edged closer to Ron. He whispered a bunch of nasty things to Ron, telling him that Kim was planning to stab him in the back by going for Ratchet behind his back while she's still dating him. He even told him it's the only reason why Kim even wanted to date him in the first place. Ron was shocked to hear this from Clank then looked at Kim suspiciously.

[bettername2come]

Be Prepared

Also available here: http://archiveofourown.org/works/12813645

Cisco’s name lit up the screen of Oliver’s phone. Oliver sighed. Just once he wished the younger hero would call him with good news.

“Please don’t tell me the wedding is off again,” Oliver said by way of greeting.

“Bite your tongue! No, no, Barry and Iris are getting their day in the sun, no matter what it takes, and, as best man, it is my job to make that happen.”

“So what are you calling me for?”

“If this wedding is going to go off without a hitch, I need all their heroes to bring their A-game. And their weapons. Lots of weapons. And their suits, and I don’t mean tuxedos.”

“Why? Did you vibe something?”

Cisco scoffed. “I don’t need to vibe something to know that putting a couple dozen superheroes in a room together is bound to make us a target for any number of supervillains out there, especially ones from the future, which means I have another call to make when we’re done here.”

“Cisco, you do realize I’m still suspected of being the Green Arrow?”

“What, and that suspicion is going to go away if the Green Arrow isn’t seen in Central City the weekend you’re here for Barry’s wedding? If it didn’t go away the first two times you were exonerated, it won’t happen now.”

“I can’t just walk into the church with a recurve bow. I know people tend to look the other way when they see weird stuff in Central City, but I think that one’ll get their attention.”

“Way ahead of you, man,” Cisco said.

Before Oliver could ask what he meant, a small blue breach opened up and a green box appeared on the console of the lair.

“What is this?” Oliver asked as he opened the box.

“Collapsible bow. Collapses down to about six inches. Easily concealed in a coat pocket with fletchettes.”

“This is crazy.”

“Yeah, well so are our enemies. So will you bring it?”

Oliver sighed. It wasn’t the craziest idea he’d heard. “All right, fine, I’ll bring it.”

“Thank you! Oh, and practice your magic!”

“What?”

“We need to be prepared from all types of enemies – alien, human, meta, magical. Our magical resources are limited, which means you and Amaya need to be ready to go.”

“I can barely counter dark magic, Cisco.”

“Exactly. Which is why you need to practice, in case a time-traveling Damien Darhk follows the Legends here.”

“You’re not going to let this go, are you?”

“One good day, that’s all I ask.”

Oliver sighed again. “Fine. I will have the bow and magic standing by.”

“Great. And pass the message on to the rest of the team, not that Felicity would go anywhere without her tablet anyway.”

“So you’re not going to try to claim your just as a good a hacker as she is?”

Cisco scoffed. “Please. If anything goes wrong, I’m gonna need these hands free to breach everyone the hell out of there or blast at bad guys.

“So, you’re really gonna fight this time?”

“Yes, I’m really gonna fight this time. Don’t act like you haven’t seen the YouTube videos.”

*

Sara was standing on the bridge of The Waverider trying to determine the team’s next mission when Gideon interrupted her train of thought.

“Captain, we’re receiving a transmission from November 2017 at STAR Labs. Would you like to receive it?”

“Yes, Gideon, patch it through.”

Suddenly, Cisco’s face filled the video monitor. He laughed. “Great, it worked. Do you know how hard it is to make contact with The Waverider?”

“Well, no one said time travel was easy,” Sara replied. “What’s wrong, Cisco?”

“Nothing that I know of,” Cisco said. “I was actually calling to see if you could check up on that for me. I need to make sure there’s no catastrophes scheduled for November 26, 2017.”

Sara rolled her eyes. “That is a complete abuse of Gideon’s power. She’s a highly powered computer system, not a glorified weather predictor. The wedding is going to be just fine.”

“I’m sorry, does the marriage of one of Earth’s mightiest heroes not sound like something evil time travelers would be interested in?”

“Eobard’s dead, Cisco.”

“Sure, now. But that hasn’t stopped him from screwing up our lives before. And he’s not the only supervillain who might set his sights on Iris and Barry’s special day, so do me a favor and just run the date, would you?”

Sara sighed. “Gideon, check the date.”

“According to my records, there are no major disasters in Central City on November 26 and historical records show that Barry Allen and Iris West were married on that day. Is there anything else you’d like to know, Mr. Ramon?”

“Actually – “

“No, Gideon, he won’t need to know anything else,” Sara said, cutting him off.

“Fine, fine. Hoard the knowledge of the future on a computer that Barry created. Will create. Whatever.”

“I will. The timeline must be preserved.” Did she sound like Rip? Oh, God, she sounded like Rip. Next thing you knew, she’d be speaking with an English accent. “I’ll see you in a few days, Cisco.”

“Wait, there’s one more thing.”

“What?”

“Come to the wedding completely prepared for a fight.”

“I’m always prepared for a fight.”

“I know, just, as much as it pains me to say this, make sure Mick brings the heat gun.”

“He always has the heat gun. Ray will have the Atom suit and everybody else will have their powers on standby. If anybody tries to screw up their wedding, they’ll have to go through us.”

“Wow,” Cisco said. “Y’all are really like a psychotic band of Boy Scouts, aren’t you?”

“Says the guy who just made a call through time to make sure his friends’ wedding went off without a hitch.”

“Fair enough. See you at the wedding.”

*

Kara was doing research on a story at home when the blue swirling vortex appeared in her living room. She jumped up, readying herself for a fight before she remembered just who would be opening a blue wormhole in her living room. Sure enough, a moment later Cisco jumped out of the breach.

“Cisco!” she said, reaching out to hug her fellow hero. “It’s so good to see you. Wait, am I late? I thought the wedding wasn’t until this weekend. Is time moving differently between earths because Winn watched The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe again and we’ve been having this debate – “

“No, you’re not late, everything is fine and your interdimensional extrapolator should be working to get you here when you need to, I just had one teeny question – who’s your plus one?”

“What?”

“It’s the happiest day of their lives, so of course, something is going to go horribly wrong because we can’t have nice things! So I was just wondering if you were bringing Mon-El, because honestly, we’re a little lacking in the alien invulnerability power arena and he’d make a good resource.”

“I – we’re not – Mon-El,” she stuttered. Kara took a deep breath. “Mon-El left earth for a while and he just got back got back from the future with his wife, so no, I will not be bringing him to the wedding.”

“Ouch. I’m sorry.”

Kara waved him off. “Not your fault, I get it. I mean, I didn’t tell you guys when Mon-El left, so it’s not like you could know, and you really couldn’t have predicted that time travel would be screwing up my love life.”

“Actually, that’s pretty normal for our team.”

“Oh, good, well maybe you can help me figure out how to deal with it,” Kara said. “Anyway, I’m bringing Alex because she’s starting to think I made you guys up. And she just broke up with her girlfriend and I think the trip could be good for getting her mind off things.”

“You think a wedding would help her get her mind off of her breakup?”

“I shoot lasers from my eyes, Cisco, do you really want to question how I help my sister?”

Cisco backed up a step. “Why is every woman I know scary? Okay, look, I’m just trying to make sure Barry and Iris’s wedding goes off without a hitch, and you know every time our worlds communicate some kind of huge disaster happens–“

“Barry’s first visit wasn’t a huge disaster – “

“ – and I am just trying to make sure we’re prepared for whatever happens and we’ve already invited a scary black ops secret agent woman to the wedding and Barry’s never even met your sister, so maybe it would be better if brought, say, J’onn, to the wedding.”

“Cisco.”

“What? This could be good for him. He can learn more about our earth, compare differences, chat with Lyla about how to prevent potential alien invasions.”

“Cisco, it’s my invitation, it says plus one and I’m bringing my sister, who’s more than capable of kicking alien ass if it’s a requirement. If you would like J’onn to come, you’re going to have to send another invitation.”

Cisco sighed. “I don’t think that’s going to work. The venue’s packed to capacity as is.”

“Well, good, because I’d feel better knowing J’onn’s looking out for my earth while I’m gone. Everything’s going to be fine.”

“Yeah, sure, nothing in our lives is ever fine, but let’s go with that.”

“I will bring the suit and have Alex bring her tactical gear if it makes you feel any better.”

“It does, actually,” Cisco replied. “Okay, I’ll see you Saturday.” And with that, he threw open another breach and crossed back to his world.

*

When the big day came and Iris and Barry’s wedding was literally interrupted by invaders from another world, the first thought to cross Oliver, Sara and Kara’s minds was Crap. He was right.

[cutegirlmayra]

Hello Mayra! It's been so long since I left the Sonic fandom and now I'm back! Are u still taking requests? Because I'm always looking for the Boom!Team discovering Amy and Sonic's secret relationship. Sadly, I didn't find any of these. I'm a big fan of your work and I hope you can write this! 😉😍

(x) Permission given by the artist! Please support them! (Author’s note: If you or your art friends are willing to let me credit your art for ‘preview images’ to my prompts, I would be deeply appreciative! Please feel free to message me if you have conditions or terms, I’m willing to follow any requirements for credit links!)

Welcome back~

I’m honored and proud to have you come to me for this mighty need. I’m always open to prompt requests, yes! :D Thank you for thinking of me, my friend!

Prompt:

Sticks stared long and hard at Sonic and Amy…

Tails was busy with buying some half-off spare parts for different ‘mini-projects’ he had been working on before examining two of them and paying her no mind.

“….Hey, Tails…” She squatted, keeping her arms down in front of her as she continually watched the two interact.

In the distance, Sonic was helping Amy shop, or rather… he was to ‘comment’ on each thing she tried on or pointed too.

She couldn’t help but notice how… ‘giggly’… the two were around one another….

“I think something’s off with Sonic and Amy. Steve isn’t this good at mocking a laugh.” She narrowed her eyes more, ducking her head like an animal stalking it’s prey from a few feet away. “And… I’m pretty sure he can’t clone himself either…”

She folded her arms and shot herself upright, startling Tails out of his ‘happy place’ as he turned to her, half annoyed.

“At least you’re not raving about something paranormal…” he sweat-dropped, before turning to also stare at Sonic and Amy.

Sonic leaned over a counter, and pointed to something for a change, which drew Amy’s immediate attention as she seemed to excitedly hold it up and over him, as if seeing if the clothing worked with him or not.

He proudly put his hands to his hips, before she shook her head and put it back, pulling out something else and making him look disappointed and annoyed.

“Seems about right.” Tails nodded, and turned with a kind smile to Sticks, though skeptical of her perception skills. “Amy’s still pulling Sonic around the market, and he’s still not any help when it comes to her decisions.”

“Not that.” she took a hand to his chin, pulling him to look harder at the two. “THEIR FACES!”

“H-huh?” Tails was even more uncomfortable now, before actually… seeing what she meant.

The typical act of the duo suddenly subsided as Sonic spun off and came back with something actually decent, and Amy held the article up to herself and smiled, before excitedly lifting a leg slightly up and moving some of her hair.

“….Amy…?” Tails raised an eyebrow, and Sticks let go of his chin, seeing he had finally caught on.

“It’s not just her- Sonic’s got the loonies too!” She pointed back, as Tails put down his gears and other robotic pieces to place a hand over to his forehead and shield the blazing sun from his eyes.

Having clearer vision, he suddenly stepped back in shock when he saw Sonic actually acting as if he was ENJOYING helping Amy out!

“Woah! That IS weird!” Tails worried, “We have to warn them!”

“But who’s the impostor, and whose our friend?”

Tails had to stop a second and think that one through, realizing he couldn’t just run up and say that Steve- or Morpho- was one of them.

He put a hand to his chin. “W-well… just cause they’re acting nice to each other and not arguing doesn’t exactly mean-”

Suddenly, as if on cue, Knuckles approached the scene.

“Hey, have you guys been watching Comedy Chimp lately? Haha! His new episode had Amy dating Sonic! Hahaha! As if!” he fanned out a hand, “Everyone knows she’s too in love with adventure and kicking butt to think about that!”

As he billowed a laugh, Sticks and Tails shared a confused expression, before Sticks looked back with hand-binoculars.

“Uh oh.”

“Wh-what now?” Tails put his hands up to his chattering teeth, as if biting his nails in suspense.

“If they’re actually falling in love for real this time… T-that means they’re going to ditch us for each other! And it’s worse cause we’re friends with BOTH of them! that’s like… losing two friends in one catastrophe!”

Tails panicked, seeing Sonic ditching him for Amy, or vise-versa, and having delusions of lonely scenarios play through his mind of them having fun without him.

He huddled down a moment, whimpering at being left behind…

“Pull yourself together,… wait! Cower in terror! She just hugged him!”

“That’s nothing new. Phew.” Tails wiped his forehead, getting up as Knuckles looked concerned, still not sure what was being discussed fully.

“-and he returned it!”

“-WHAT!?!?” Tails bumped his head against the roof of the shelter.

“That’s it!” He flew up away from the two.

“W-where are you going?” Knuckles inquired, scratching his head. “I thought we were still narrating Sonic and Amy’s every move.”

“I’m going to find Eggman! If anyone knows where Steve is, it’s him!” he flew off, “Keep me in tabs!”

“Roger that.” Sticks saluted, suddenly moving two fingers over her cheeks and having war-paint on.

She slowly slipped down and then reappeared up on top of the adjacent marketer’s roof.

“Knuckles!” she whispered, and then started making code-signals with her hands.

“…Uhh…” he looked confused, before shrugging. “The governments found their lost puppies and my lamp has fallen and can’t get up? OH NO! Lampy!” he suddenly darted off, “Don’t go towards the light! Even if you’re made of it! Ah-haha!!!” he cried in shrieks as he raced off in a frenzy, while Sticks just face-palmed herself and continued to watch.

Tails was heading to Eggman’s place, destroying the ‘guard robots’ on the way while Sticks continued to play secret agent.

“Fox tails, we’ve got an update. Over.” Sticks spoke into a walkie-talkie, fully in her army get up.

“Roger that! What’s the status? Over.” Tails pulled out his communicator on his wrist, and waited a moment as he hid from more guard robots behind a large rock formation.

“They’re still giggling…” she drooped her eyes in annoyance, watching Sonic and Amy sitting and eating Meh Burger, before Amy seemed to get a little shy with Sonic and they both looked away from each other. “It’s growing worse… awkward tension is building and I’m sensing a detonation in three.. two… -”

Amy suddenly suggested that Sonic sit on her side, and although he hesitated a second, he scratched behind his head and came closer, scooting up to sit beside her on her side as the two continued to laugh again.

Sticks spoke rapidly into the walkie-talkie.

“I REPEAT. PERSONAL SPACES HAVE BEEN BREACHED! They’re… ugh… I dare not say. Sitting right next to each other!”

“Oh no! If Sonic’s Steve, then Amy will be heartbroken if she finds out he’s been playing her! Or yet, it could be Amy who’s Steve. In which case, Sonic’s not gonna hear the end of it from me…” he snickered at the last bit, before he suddenly shivered a moment, “Also, that would mean Steve has a weird fetish with cosplay…”

“No time to contemplate that now!” Sticks watched as the two got up, and Sonic offered her his arm. “They’re continuing to cross barriers! You’ve gotta do something!” she called into the walkie-talkie, speaking urgently, and pulling it straight up to her mouth. “LIVES ARE AT STAKE!” she rolled to hide in a bush, where Dave walked up with some trash, looked around, and dumped it in it.

He whistled, rocking on his heels and turning his back to it, before tossing the empty garbage bag, dusting off his hands, and walking back to ‘work’.

“Ohh~ Free stuff!” Sticks could be heard, her tone sounding genuinely excited.

Tails worried once again, sweating as he dashed into the fray without a second thought, taking out robots before rolling into the slow-dropping entrance door to Eggman’s lair.

He pulled a ‘Indiana Jones’ as he reached back for his lucky wrench before the door closed.

Eggman was laughing with Morpho, who was in turn, playing Fuzzy-Puppy buddies with him.

“I never knew a game with like- so much simplistic and adorable feel could be like- my true passion in life, man.”

“Right!? Not only does it get the blood boiling in rage at seeing your own cute, little fuzzy buddy getting destroyed! But you also get the undying bragging rights over a sensational assault on someone ELSE’S cute, little fuzzy buddy!” he truly seemed evil with every word…

The two laughed as Tails rolled in, looking serious and worn for wear, before seeing Steve and suddenly looked shocked.

“Steve!?”

“Ugh, like, Morpho… it’s like.. retro, but not too nostalgic with no real-time feel man.” Steve shook his head, gesturing his hand with his description as Eggman seemed to nod with his logic.

“Yeah, yeah… although, Steve is a classic.” He shrugged.

“For who, man?” Steve looked insulted. “I’ve only been here for like- 22 minutes! And those were different days!”

“I think that just shows how memorable Steve is.” Eggman squinted his eyes and leaned forward just a bit, but with his glasses on, it only looked like his eyebrows narrowed down a bit on his glasses.

“T-then… whose playing Amy or Sonic? Which one’s the phony!?” Tails put his hands to his head, as Eggman lifted a knowing hand up.

“Don’t you know?”

“K-know what? As if you know anything!” Tails accused, before looking away.

“Ohhh~ Look at the hotshot. Thinking he’s already lost his best friend to love. Can’t even picture that the two of them already worried about that and so formed a secret truce of silence to date behind everyone’s back, huh?”

“W-wa-wa-wait, what?” Tails shook his head rapidly.

“Tails! We’re done for! All is lost!” Sticks’s voice suddenly came on, as Tails looked down to his wrist.

“They’ve… they’ve… uhhhh… the unthinkable.”

“Brah… you don’t think…”

Suddenly, Steve and Eggman both got out of their chairs, growing curious about the transmission.

“N-no… they wouldn’t have… they couldn’t have have! … could they?”

“Have had have????” Steve’s face spoke a thousand words.

Eggman withdrew his hand to his mouth, biting his nails.

Steve looked excited as suddenly they all in unison said-

“KISSED?” - “MARRIED?!” - “NOSE NUZZL-….oh.”

The three all looked at one another.

“Oh, Steve.”

“MORPHO, DUDE. And who just kisses a girl he first married?”

“No!” Tails shook his head, “STICKS!”

“Worse!”

They all held their breaths.

A dark, underlying groan was suddenly heard.

“Cuddled…”

Dramatic shots of each of Tails, Eggman, and Steve-o’s faces were shown in pure shock, terror, or loss of hope. One showing Eggman on his knees, looking up from the darkness into light as Tails pulled the sides of his face in anguish and Steve took the pose of The Thinker.

The cast all met later as Amy and Sonic sat on a couch… looking to each other before sighing and looking at their friends- and Eggman- all gathered together in Sonic’s hut.

“We think we owe everyone an explanation.”

Sticks’s had two patches over her eyes. “You’re telling me.” she ripped them off, before banging her foot on the floor from the agony of striping them off.

“Uhh… brahs? I know this is like- a family matter or whatever? But can I come in too?”

“We’d also like permission to-” Orbot tried to lift himself up to the window as Steve pulled some of the blinds away.

“I mean, I- the mighty Morpho, feel like after 22 minutes I’ve really become like- part of the shindig and-”

Knuckles was given the nod to walk over and close the blinds even further down.

“We all know you’ve had a lot of questions lately…” she put a hand to Sonic’s, who seemed nervous as the team all waited for his response.

“Sonic..?” Amy leaned her head down towards him, as he nervously fidgeted.

“W-well.. um… uhhhh… yeah.” he looked away, before finally swallowing his pride and looking back at Amy’s hand.

He… hesitated… but put his own on top of hers.

Gawking in amazement, the four all had different reactions. Eggman was having a fiesta behind the couch while Sticks went wild with ‘I knew it! I knew it! I knew it!’ and Tails looked a bit hopeless while Knuckles looked confused at everyone’s reactions.

“What are we all reacting too?” He suddenly grabbed a pot and smashed it against his head. “Haha, I don’t care. Any excuse to act wild and crazy is okay by me! Wooo!!” He crashed and broke the couch. “Furniture wrestle!” He tapped out the couch.

“Tails…” Sonic looked down at his buddy and moved away from Amy, kneeling by his side.

“…But this means… you’ll ditch us all.” Tails turned his head away. “I thought we were bros for life…”

“And you’ll always be my bro, Tails.” Sonic tenderly, with some sensitivity, held a hand to Tails’s shoulder, before turning to the others acting crazy too.

Amy was talking to Sticks as the couch seemed to have somehow pinned Knuckles down, Eggman calling a fowl and then tweeting things online about Sonic and Amy.

“I… was… so… right… AlphaShadamy4550! HMph! SEND.” he snickered evilly. “Now to crush the other hopeless saps dreams!” he clenched his fist up before Amy took the phone, dropped it daintily, and smashed it with her hammer.

“Just because Amy’s my girrr… my girrrrrllllffff….FFFFFFF….Ah, you know. Doesn’t mean we won’t hang out with you guys!”

“Yeah! I can’t stand Sonic 24/7 anyway.” Amy rolled her eyes, as Eggman picked up the pieces of his phone and then ordered-

“ROBOTS-!!!!”

And the old, daily routine was back on again, as if nothing changed.

Sonic hung out with Tails, finishing up the last of the robots, as Tails took the X-Tornado and him for a spin.

“So… what made you suddenly change your mind?” Tails smiled up to Sonic, reassured that his friend wasn’t going anywhere.

Sonic, arms folded, shrugged and then looked off into the distance on his side of the plane.

“…I don’t know… she kinda just said we were, I guess.” He scratched the side of his head.

“W-wa-wait, you never actually asked her out?”

“No. Come to think of it. She never really asked me out. We just… started… how would you call it?” he looked deep in thought.

“BREACHING…BARRIERS…!!!”

The two looked down.

Sticks was holding a megaphone and a device to hear voices miles away on her forehead, a dish-like receiver, and a Meh-burger’s trash cup on her ear.

“Eh, I put treasure to good use.” she winked to the camera.

Author’s notes:

This was fun. I wanted to be creative at 5 in the morning and this is what you get xD Tails worried about being abandoned, Sticks’s end triumphant (it’s a must, honestly) and Knuckles not realizing he’s always wrong or out of the loop. Eggman and Steve were fun to write! I just enjoyed showing the drama of increasing terror from Sticks and Tails, the ones truly seeing what’s what, but not what’s what. haha. I don’t know, but I think I like this one :)

[brotherhoodofevilgeeks]

Transmissions from the Evil Lair Ep 241 - Getting Hyped for Saratoga Comic Con w/ Sam Chase

Transmissions from the Evil Lair Ep 241 - Getting Hyped for Saratoga Comic Con w/ Sam Chase #PodernFamily #ComicConventions #Saratoga @SaratogaCC

How time does fly, Evil Geeks! We’re once again getting ready for the bi-annual Saratoga Comic Con, so Sam Chase is stopping by today to get us even more psyched up for the big event. The only question is, will we be seeing you there??? Be sure to check out the convention’s webpage at SaratogaComicCon.com!

https://thebrotherhoodofevilgeeks.files.wordpress.com/2019/10/getting-hyped-for-saratoga-…

[dankesdarkman]

Fate/Grand Order Shinjuku Ending Notes

By fallacies from Beast’s Lair

a) The Alliance version of Moriarty was, of course, Baal; the Moriarty traveling with the protagonists was the real Moriarty. For the purposes of their plan, Baal and Moriarty found a means to temporarily erase / modify their memories and personalities. Baal took on the appearance and memories of Moriarty, without any knowledge of the ruse or the true nature of the alliance. Likewise, Moriarty reduced himself to nothing but a functional personality with barely any personal memories. The "brainwashing" was designed to undo itself only when certain conditions were fulfilled. That is to say, Moriarty wasn't lying when he said that "somebody" had stolen his name and appearance. More details on this below. b) The term "Ma-Jin" in the context of "The Phantasmal Alliance of Ma-Jin" refers not to demonized humans / Fiends (Majin), but to "Demons (Ma) and Humans (Jin)." That is to say, the name reflects the accord established between Moriarty (a Human) and Baal (a Demon). Moriarty's motive was to exceed Sherlock Holmes, while Baal's motive was to take revenge for Goetia. c) Baal has been preparing his revenge for over 3000 years; following Goetia's defeat, he's reformulated himself as an existence of passion, built around a dedication to the cause of taking revenge on Gudako. Specifically, the "motive" underlying his actions is that Gudako is too "normal." If Gudako had been some sort of legendary hero or villain, Baal could've accepted Goetia's defeat at her hands -- but Gudako is a perfectly average human with no particularly outstanding talents. For somebody so "average" to defeat Goetia is to Baal an utterly unacceptable outcome. Thus, unlike Goetia, Baal isn't committed to defeating Gudako for the purpose of destroying the world; he's engaged in a plot to destroy the world for the purpose of killing Gudako. d) Baal has spent the past 3000 years independently researching methods by which to merge Phantoms and Heroic Spirits to generate hybrids -- a feat considered by Da Vinci to be an impossibility. Ergo, this was not actually a technique developed by Moriarty. Despite qualifying as a Caster, Moriarty was never a magus -- and though he was aware of the Clock Tower, he never liked associating with them. e) Baal either "anticipated" or "designed" the manifestation of the Shinjuku Singularity; specifically, his plan required the existence of a world in which the Common Sense of Man was inactive. It is due to the inactivity of the Common Sense that the district has an air of "unreality" about it, as if it were a location from out of a story or an urban legend; the laws of science / reality normally implemented by the Common Sense are not in effect, permitting that Baal is able to enact the merging of Phantoms or Heroic Spirits unimpeded. Basically, the entirety of the Shinjuku Singularity has become something like the interior of Araya Souren's magical apartment complex; the Counter Force has abandoned this world. f) After backstabbing Holmes / doing something with Holmes' Saint Graph, Moriarty explains his real plot: He chose to assist Baal because Shinjuku suits his needs as a stage of confrontation with Holmes. He describes the Domain of Man as a World wherein good is inevitably due to prevail over evil; this is simply how timeline mechanics operate. Within the context of the Domain of Man, the existence known as Moriarty is physically incapable of attaining a victory over Sherlock Holmes -- in accordance with some theory that respondents have an advantage over a party that makes the first move. (Ergo, within their shared history, Holmes never acted against Moriarty until the latter initiated a plot; Holmes could therefore easily dismantle the plot as an interloper. It's easier to destroy than to build.) Moriarty believes this "inevitability" could be described as an action of the Counter Force, in the broad sense. g) Ergo, to prevail against Holmes, Moriarty would have to be on Holmes' side; he could not be the "first actor" against which Holmes goes on the offensive. The plot was therefore to have Baal serve as bait, while the real Moriarty assists Holmes in his efforts -- with the condition of full memory restoration being Baal's defeat while posing as the Alliance Moriarty. Simply acting or pretending to assist wouldn't be enough to fool Holmes; and so the elimination of memory was mostly complete on both the parts of Baal and Moriarty. While Moriarty assisted in taking down Alliance Moriarty, he was doing so in the conscious belief that he was acting in the service of justice. h) Emiya Alter was hired by "an unidentified party" to infiltrate the Alliance and assassinate Baal. He was waiting for Baal to reveal himself to act; it's possible that he wasn't able to independently confirm the identity of the Alliance Moriarty prior to the reveal. The identity of Emiya Alter's client is unknown; how he managed to infiltrate the Shinjuku Singularity is unknown. i) Not really interested in repeating Der Freischutz spoilers. Moriarty explains the aesthetics of his plot: The protagonists (Holmes included) are oriented to hold an advantage over "evil" -- but a disadvantage if their opponent is "good." Thus, if "poison" must be used to fight "poison," it is only fitting that "medicine" be used to fight "medicine." In brainwashing himself, he overwrote his own absence of morality with this in mind. j) JAlter survived the confrontation with Lobo where she apparently suicided; she dropped into a manhole. She shows up during the final battle, along with the real Dantes and Shakespeare and Andersen. Shakespeare and Andersen summon over 200 fictitious "Great Detective" Phantoms, who lend you their powers during combat (charging your NP, etc.). In response, Moriarty uses the Grail that Baal left him with (which he actually had all along, even when he was traveling with the protagonists) to summon a massive wraith. k) The "Great Detectives'" collective Noble Phantasm is the "pronouncement of guilt." They ask Gudako to say to Moriarty, "The culprit is you, James Moriarty!" Once these words are spoken, Moriarty is locked into the behavior pattern of the revealed criminal in a detective novel, and summarily defeated. Originally, he was going to launch a (fourth) wave of attack, but he's prevented from doing so due to the Detectives' NP. l) In the end, Moriarty says that he can't comprehend how he could be defeated; in every possible respect, he and his organization outperform Gudako and her allies. Gudako and Mashu theorize that it's because, having finally experienced what it feels like to act for the side of justice, he too desired that he could enact justice; unconsciously, he desired that justice would prevail. Ultimately, he desired that Gudako could trust in him. m) Once Bennu manifests in the upper atmosphere, it becomes "impossible" for Gudako to rayshift out of Shinjuku. The outcome of Gudako's death is phenomenally "unavoidable," enforced by the Noble Phantasm of Der Freischutz. However -- possibly because the Noble Phantasm of Der Freischutz is acting on the asteroid -- Emiya-Alter's "Unlimited Lost Works" is capable of shattering the stone. This alone, however, is incapable of saving Shinjuku from the debris. To resolve the threat once and for all, Alter unleashes Excalibur Morgan. As the denial of Gudako's rayshift only concludes when the debris is eliminated, it's likely that Der Freischutz's Noble Phantasm was still in effect following the asteroid's shattering. n) Dantes mentions right before he vanishes that he was "hired" by "one of Shakespeare's fans" to come and resolve the situation. o) JAlter has the ability to interfere with Chaldea's transmissions at will. She does so to secretly dance with Gudako just before she vanishes. p) Sherlock somehow survives whatever it is Moriarty did with his Saint Graph. When Gudako arrives back in 2017, Holmes is somehow there. He informs you that according to records left behind by Baal, three other Demon God Pillars besides Baal survived the confrontation with Goetia. After deciding not to explain to you some other secret he uncovered, he offers his services in falsifying Gudako's information within Chaldea's internal records. q) Prior to the events of the London Singularity, the Charles Babbage summoned by Makiri Zolgen calculated that even in the event that Goetia's plan fails, the History of Man cannot advance beyond the year 2017; certain "anomalous existences" are due to interfere with the continuation of the Human Order in the condition that Goetia is defeated. To investigate the reasons behind this, Babbage engaged the services of Sherlock Holmes. Holmes elected not to assist the protagonists in their quest during the Incineration beyond giving hints because he judged that the matter could be resolved without his involvement. r) It's hinted (?) that after the Singularity is resolved, the Hessian Lobo might still exist somewhere within real Shinjuku. Possibly, he's fused with Alter's dog, Gaius II, maybe becoming a DRRR-esque Urban Legend ... (?)

[vistapostng-blog]

IBB Terrorizes Buhari As Saraki Transmits I-G

IBB Terrorizes Buhari As Saraki Transmits I-G   You can call me a fool for all you care, I won’t bat an eyelid. I have the right to be foolish, anyway. But move away from my arm’s length if you call me stupid, for stupidity is mental retardation simplified. Foolishness is a choice. Stupidity is not, it’s endowed. It’s wired to the DNA. As adjectives, ‘foolish’ is lacking a good sense or judgment but ‘stupid’ is lacking in intelligence or the inability to think. Stupidity is the crown on an empty skull. Foolishness is the obstinacy that dares the lamb to look at the tiger in the eyes. With a little more caution, the lamb could, by keeping silent in hiding, escape a bloody journey into the belly of the black-striped, gold-furred tiger with flaming eyes, stalking the jungle. Then Maj. Gen. Muhammadu Buhari blazed into power in the very last minute of 1983. His coup was a welcome blow that broke the spine of the inept and corrupt Shehu Shagari administration which was more popular for wearing long caps on idle heads than arresting the debilitating inflation crippling the economy. Fire bellowed down the nostrils of the Buhari tiger, clawing, tearing and mauling perceived impediments to national greatness. Everybody feared the tiger until a certain lamb from the largest state in the country, Niger, came to tame it two years after. This Niger lamb was beautiful and pleasing to the eyes, its baaing was melodious to the ears; everybody who feared the tiger loved the iamb of the lamb. The furry lamb was a paradox that unnerved and reassured simultaneously. Not very long after being crowned king, however, the corrupt-wind of genetic mutation blew the way of the lamb, which sloughed its fur for scales and metamorphosed into a snake. The lamb’s harmless mouth turned into striking serpentine jaws of poison, savagery replaced genteelness, and evil stalked the land unstoppable. Sometime in the August of 1985, the snake chased out the tiger from the lair, taking over the kingdom. I’ve never set my eyes on a scrotal sac with one ball. But I’ve often heard the Yoruba describe any man wailing meaninglessly as having only one ball in his sac. What’s the link between wailing and one scrotal ball? Does wailing complement a missing ball? Does wailing alleviate the pains or absence of a missing ball? With the way Nigerians wail meaninglessly on social media, compulsory medical check on scrotal sacs across the country won’t be a bad idea. However, it’s not only Nigerian proletariats that wail, Nigerian leaders wail, too. Last week, former man of steel, President Buhari, lamented in Abuja during the inauguration of the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission’s headquarters in Abuja. He said he was ousted in 1985 and detained for three years by Brig Gen Ibrahim Babangida because he (Buhari) was fighting corruption as of the time. The President said, “I was removed as the head of state, detained for three years and people whom we recovered stolen money from were given back their money and I remained in detention up until my mother had to die to save me from detention.” Mr President, you’re free to think Nigerians are fools, but don’t you think we are stupid. In our foolishness, we can clearly see the lie in your statement that your mother waited three years to save you from detention. Why would a mother wait for 1, 095 days to save her son? What if death had knocked on your soul before her intervention? Oh, your media aides would say, “The President was speaking figuratively.” Yes, he was speaking politically, too. When a figure of speech borders on representing an idea better or worse than it really is, it is called an exaggeration. So, is the President blowing issues out of proportion in order to gain political sympathy? The President said he was toppled 33 years ago because of corruption and that the money he retrieved from corrupt politicians were returned to them, right? And Babangida, who toppled him, is still alive. Please, where should the anti-corruption war of Buhari begin from, if it is only to set the records straight and debunk the claims that his military administration was vindictive? So, Buhari knows some individuals with stolen public wealth, and he keeps quiet and feels comfy about it? What manner of leader is he? A weakling? There, surely, exists a difference between foolishness and stupidity. Foolishness and stupidly rule the Nigerian online political space where innumerable people talk inanities all at once. Some talk and say nothing. Some applaud roguish politicians defecating on our collective sensibilities. In Animal Farm, George Orwell depicts the proletariats as stupid. Are Nigerian proletariats better? Foolishness and stupidity went round the bend last week as another President, Bukola Saraki, tackled the Inspector-General of Police, Ibrahim Idris. Saraki, the President of the Nigerian Senate, last Wednesday, accused the IGP of planning to implicate him in the trial of some suspected hired killers arrested in Kwara State. Hitherto, there was no love lost between Saraki’s flimsy Senate and the unmeet police boss as Saraki and his gang of senators had repeatedly invited Idris to appear before the Red Chamber futilely. If the Senate was planning not to pass the budget of the police – in retaliation of the I-G’s scorn, a quick rethink wasn’t unlikely as Idris wouldn’t think twice before withdrawing police orderlies from our self-serving senators. Who wan die? Not these senators gulping billions of naira in taxpayers’ funds monthly with nothing to show for it. In the heat of the back-and-forth kafuffle between the senate and the I-G, a video clip went viral. In the video, Idris, who was reading an address at a public function, was portrayed as being unable to coherently read his address, needlessly repeating the word ‘transmission’. A man in a dark suit and blue shirt stepped in to help with the speech which being ruffled by the wind while Idris bungled on. A closer look at the video, however, shows that Idris’ lips and the audio don’t sync. The IG, though a lawyer, doesn’t possess the gift of the garb. He speechifies the English Language in a laborious way. With its back pinned against the wall, the police force released its version of the video showing the IGP reading an error-free address. The two versions were from the same Kano event, but the part wherein the man in suit stepped in to offer a helping hand was excised from the version released by the police – suggesting that Idris truly made a couple of mispronunciations while delivering his speech. His traducers, however, fanned the embers of the innocuous error into a horrible conflagration by manipulating the audio to make the I-G sound as repeating himself. The Presidency later joined in the fray by describing the video as doctored. I’m not a fan of the IGP as I consider many of his actions unbecoming since he was appointed by Buhari on March 21, 2016. But a fool worth his salt would see through the deft doctoring of the video. That a lot of Nigerians believe that the IG could, in a two-minute, 18-second video, publicly repeat ‘transmission’ 13 times, and ‘I mean’ six times, shows why the political class continues to manipulate us with the stupidest of ploys. A bosom friend, Shola Ogunjimi, however, has a different opinion. He said Nigerians knew that the video was doctored, but that they believed it because of the brainlessness that attended some of Idris’ past actions. A former Chairman, Nigeria Union of Journalists, Osun State Council, Prince Ayoade Adedayo, who felt no pity for Idris, believes there is more to the video than what the police are claiming. I ask, why is Idris suddenly being portrayed as deficient in speech and reading now that some powerful people are being linked to some suspected hired killers? Why? Read the full article

[weeklyhumorist]

Too Many Talking Vehicles

Too Many Talking Vehicles was a television show in the 1980s attempting to capitalize on the success of other, more successful shows. Each episode showcased the adventures of Lance McSteele, a special agent with a peculiar arsenal of gadgets. Long forgotten now, here are some excerpts from the shooting script.

INT. SECRET LAIR – DAY

McSteele receives an incoming transmission on his intercom.

MCSTEELE – Go for McSteele. SPECIAL AGENT ZERO – McSteele, this is Special Agent Zero. Your arch nemesis, Dr. Killgar has set up his doomsday device at the top of Mount Snowpeak. You must reach the top of the mountain and stop him. MCSTEELE – I’m on it.

Hangs up intercom.

MCSTEELE – Top of a mountain, eh? Gotta get there fast.

Sean the Motorcycle rolls up to McSteele.

SEAN THE MOTORCYCLE – You can count on me, McSteele. I’m fast, durable and can handle almost any terrain. MCSTEELE – You’re right. Let’s g– CINDY THE JEEP – Or you can take me–a lean, mean, off-roading machine! SEAN THE MOTORCYCLE – Get bent, Cindy! CINDY THE JEEP – Take a hike, Sean! I got four wheels. You got two. Four is better than two. SEAN THE MOTORCYCLE – I can think of plenty of things where two is better than four: arms, legs, pages left to read for a book report, minutes you have to wait for your pizza rolls in the microwave. MCSTEELE – Guys, I don’t have time for– MIKE AND ANDY THE ROLLERBLADES – Hey! Did we hear someone needs to get somewhere and hopefully doesn’t mind looking reeeeeeally dumb? Cause we’re your guy!

KYLE THE PONTOON – Might this mountain have a river running down it? Maybe also somehow flowing uphill?

The vehicles all bicker.

MCSTEELE – Guys! GUYS! You are not helping! And the safety of the world might be at stake! If you keep this up, I won’t take any of you. I’ll walk! ALL – Awwwww!

Silence.

GARY THE WALKING STICK – ( under his breath ) Yes! My time to shine! Take that you dorks. MCSTEELE – Shut up, Gary! ( to himself, shaking his head ) I got too many talking vehicles.

Theme song.

EXT. MOUNT SNOWPEAK – DAY

McSteele speeds up the side of Mount Snowpeak on Sean the Motorcycle.

MCSTEELE – You never know what to expect with Killgar. I’m gonna need your help, Sean. SEAN THE MOTORCYCLE – I got your back, McSteele. Just like how Wilhelm Maybach had Gottlieb Daimler’s back when they invented the first internal combustion motorcycle in 1885! MCSTEELE – What are you doing? SEAN THE MOTORCYCLE – What? Nothing! It’s just that motorcycle facts are the best vehicle facts! Did you know eight motorcycles can fit into one parking space?! MCSTEELE – Please stop.

McSteele reaches the top of the mountain. Dr. Killgar stands next to his doomsday device.

DR. KILLGAR – McSteele! You’ve come to stop me, eh?! Well you’re too late! MCSTEELE – That’s what you think, Killga — Sara?

McSteele notices a hang glider to the left of Killgar.

SARA THE HANG GLIDER – Yeah, hey. Heard you needed to get to the top of a mountain and didn’t come and find me, a flying hang glider. MCSTEELE – I was in a rush. SARA THE HANG GLIDER – Cool. Well I’ve been hanging out for about forty minutes just to show how much faster I coulda got you here. MCSTEELE – You’ve been here for forty minutes? DR. KILLGAR – She has. We’ve been chatting. Her sister isn’t using her degree in interior design. Her parents don’t know what to do. MCSTEELE – Shut up. SARA THE HANG GLIDER – So maybe next time you need to get to the top of a mountain, you’ll take someone who can fly over some lame ass two-wheeler. SEAN THE MOTORCYCLE – Buzz off you glorified kite! SARA THE HANG GLIDER – Eat dirt you mid-life crisis pacifier! SEAN THE MOTORCYCLE – You superhero-less cape! SARA THE HANG GLIDER – You unicycle with training wheels!

Sean and Sara continue to fight as Killgar leans in toward McSteele.

DR. KILLGAR – Hey, if it’s cool with you, I’m gonna jet. This is not how I pictured destroying the world. Pick this up later? MCSTEELE – Yeah, sorry, sounds good. I try to get them to cooperate but, you know, too many talking… DR. KILLGAR – …too many talking vehicles. Yeah, I know.

Killgar hops on a futuristic hoverboard.

MCSTEELE – Hey, cool hoverboard. Ya know, I could program that thing to talk for ya, if you’d like. DR. KILLGAR – No. No, thanks.

Killgar glides away.

INT. SECRET LAIR – DAY

McSteele is back in his lair. He receives a transmission.

SPECIAL AGENT ZERO – McSteele. There’s an evil maniac at the bottom of the Grand Canyon. You need to get there ASAP. MCSTEELE – I’m on my way! But how?

McSteele gets another transmission.

RYAN THE CONDOLA – McSteele? This is Ryan the Condola. Have you considered me? MCSTEELE – Ryan, you’re a condola I bought for my holidays in Venice! How can you help me get to the bottom of the Grand Canyon? RYAN THE CONDOLA – Maybe, and hear me out, this bad guy will get a sudden urge for tiramisu?

McSteele looks to the camera as credits roll.

Too Many Talking Vehicles was of course cancelled after its first episode and no one involved with the show ever worked in television again. Except for Gary the Walking Stick who would later costar with Hugh Laurie in the popular FOX series House .

Too Many Talking Vehicles was originally published on Weekly Humorist

[thecomicsmultiversetu]

Weekly Round Up March 2 - 8, 2020

Weekly Round Up March 2 - 8, 2020 #ncbd

  This Week’s Roundup Includes:

The Local DC Comics Television show Recaps/ releases Marvel Entertainment Picks & Pulls

The Local

  Upcoming Conventions/Events

Podcast Appearances:

Transmissions from the Evil Lair Ep 237 – Braintrust Assemble!

Read Pile Reviews for 2019

  ScreenRant News Archive: ScreenRant

Interviews from the con floor and are on the YouTube channel (please subscribe) Facebook: T…