#UPDATE I ACCIDENTALLY SPILT MY DRINK ON THIS :((((

[sunriseindigo]

I ❤️‍🔥 TOXIC DOG YURI!!!!!!!

[anightflower]

Come and Find Me

Chapter One: I’m Stuck 

I won’t lie when writing the cute parts of the story I listened to “I’m Stuck” by Noah Cyrus.  

Spencer Reid x Reader

Warnings: None 

Read Prologue here   Masterlist

You stumbled into your favorite coffee shop. You were a mess this morning and it’s all because your alarm decided to fuck you over and not wake you up on time. Luckily your body didn’t completely betray you, naturally waking up an hour later than you had planned, but still giving you a half hour to get to your meeting. 

You had screamed when you saw the time, this meeting could be your next big break, and getting there late was not how you wanted to start a new design deal. At a mere 23 years old you were still making your way up into the world. After graduating college a semester early you had worked your ass off and started your own independent interior design business. You focused on designing office spaces for big businesses using workplace psychology to create an environment that brought up productivity and reduced the stress of workers. 

Your business was slowly gaining traction, but the company you were meeting today could really put your name out there. 

You had planned to wake up early, put yourself together and center yourself over a cup of coffee, however, life can never be that simple. So here you were, quick light makeup and your hair in a simple bun rather than the elaborate “I am a professional” look you planned. The one thing you did have going for you was your outfit, a white blouse that complimented your figure and tan capri pants, with a strappy heeled sandal. You had made sure it was spotless and ironed before your big day today, so at least you had that going for you. 

“Oh darling, you look a bit out of it, are you alright?” Your favorite barista and dear friend Ava, asked, her green eyes filled with concern. 

“Av, you would not believe the hell of the morning I’ve had.” You groaned. “I woke up late today and I have that huge meeting I told you about and all of the things I had planned to keep me grounded and ready flew out the window.”

Ava let out a tsk sound and patted your hand. “Oh babe, in that case, coffee’s on me. Take a deep breath. You’ve been planning for this meeting for weeks and with that amount of work and dedication, you’re definitely going to knock’em dead.” 

“Ave, you are the light of my life.” You said, already feeling lighter than you did when you first entered. 

“Oh babe, I know.” She winked, brushing a stray purple bang out of her eye. “I want an update on everything afterwards, you’ve got my number! James will have your coffee ready for you at the other end. Good luck!” 

“Thank you! I promise I will!” You grinned and made your way to the other end of the counter, where your coffee was waiting. 

Knowing your order by heart, James had already started your latte the moment you walked in, you thanked whatever God listening that it was ready so fast. James gave you a shy smile and handed you the coffee. “Here you go.”

“Thanks James.” You gave him a kind smile and turned to leave. Glancing down at your watch, you realized you had ten minutes to get to your meeting, but luckily it was just up the block so you would get there right on time. 

But like you said nothing is ever easy. You weren’t exactly paying attention as you walked out of the store, you were double checking your bag to make sure you had everything, so naturally you slammed into someone, causing coffee to get all over your blouse.

You let out a yelp, while a large hand came out to steady you. “I am so sorry! Are you alright?” A male voice asked. 

“Well, aside from the fact that I have a meeting that could change my life in 5 minutes and now I look like a disheveled mess with coffee on her blouse, I’m fine.” You grumbled finally looking at the face of your accidental attacker. Your heart stopped for a moment. 

He was stunning. Shoulder length curly brown hair, caramel eyes, and a TALL, fit body.

He was clearly flustered as your eyes met. His face had a gentle dusting of pink across it and his eyes could barely meet yours. “I really am sorry, I wasn’t paying attention- uh- here!” He began to shrug off his cardigan. “This should be able to cover up most of the stains.” He thrust the sweater towards you. 

Now it was your turn to be flustered. “Oh no, really, I can figure something out-” 

“You said this meeting is supposed to change your life right?” He interrupted before you could stutter out anymore excuses. You nodded. “While I don’t want to be the person that ruins your life. Just wear it to your meeting and uh, how about we meet back here tomorrow morning and you can just give it back to me then?” He blushed a deeper crimson, as a big smile grew across your face. 

“I would love that, thank you so much.” You put on his cardigan and buttoned it up. He was right, almost all of the stains were covered. “How do I look? Professional?” You asked him.

“Beautiful- I mean yes, professional, you look great!” He smiled, pushing a shoulder length curl behind his ear.

You blushed, but quickly forced yourself to regain your composure. “So I’ll meet you here at 7 tomorrow-” You paused looking at him for his name. 

“Dr. Reid, well, Spencer, call me Spencer.” 

“Spencer.” You smiled. “I will see you tomorrow then.” 

That was the first time you met Spencer Reid.

________________________________________________________________

The next morning, Spencer arrived 30 minutes early to the coffee shop to get a table, he felt fidgety and nervous. He hadn’t even caught your name yesterday before you left and he felt like an idiot. Of course he bumps into the most beautiful girl he has ever seen, spilt coffee all over her, AND forgot to ask her her name. Part of him was worried you wouldn’t even show up, it’s not exactly the best first meeting. 

30 minutes later when you walked in, he thanked a God he didn’t even believe in. You looked less bewildered than you did yesterday, but no less beautiful. 

You had chosen to go for a business casual look, your hair curled and flowing past your shoulders, a deep red blouse, black denim jeans, and black heeled boots. You had Spencer’s cardigan draped over your arm, you had made sure to wash it before giving back to him. 

You searched around the patrons until your eyes met Spencer’s, your whole face lit up as you made your way over to him. 

You had no idea that somebody else was watching you as you made your way over to him. You were too distracted by Spencer to feel the angry gaze that burned into your back.

“Hi.” You said shyly as you sat down. 

“Hey.” Spencer said smiling at you. 

“Were you waiting long?” You asked, a concerned look crossing your face.

“Oh no, not at all, I just came a few minutes early to get us a good seat.” Spencer lied, not wanting you to know how early he actually came. 

“Well you choose right, this is the best seat in the house. It’s right by the counter where you pick up coffee, but it’s the perfect window seat to people watch.” You explained. 

“Yeah, did you know coffee is actually a fruit?” Spencer asked you. “They’re actually the pit of a berry and grow on a bush. 

You let out a giggle, “No, I had no idea that was even a thing. At least I can use that as an excuse when I get chastised for drinking too much. Where did you learn that?” 

Spencer blushed. “I tend to pick up random knowledge here and there. Which reminds me, I never got your name yesterday before you ran off.” 

“Well Dr. Spencer Reid, my name is (Y/N) (Y/L/N).” You grinned offering him a hand. “No fancy title, but I am doing my best for simply being a Miss.” 

Spencer would usually avoid handshakes due to all the germs, however he wanted nothing more than to shake your hand, which was warm and soft. 

“(Y/N).” He tested your name out on his tongue. You smiled. 

“Have you gotten a coffee yet?” You asked him, getting up to head to order.

“I had one a bit earlier, but I could use another one.” Spencer answered, getting up to follow you. 

As you approached the counter you tried to ignore the smug look Ava gave you, praying she wouldn’t say anything. She gave Spencer a not so subtle up and down look, checking him out and obviously finding him attractive. You gave Ava a stern look that told her not to say a word. 

She just gave you a wink. Spencer had picked up on all of this, his profiler skills not missing a thing. A small smile crept across his face and he swallowed back a laugh. 

You gestured for Spencer to go first, “I’m buying, to thank you for letting me borrow your sweater yesterday.” 

Spencer looked at you in bewilderment. “No way! If anything I’m buying for destroying your coffee and spilling it all over your blouse before your ‘life changing’ meeting!”

You rolled your eyes at him. “Spencer, just order the damn coffee. I promise you it won’t break my bank. Especially after I got the design yesterday.” You grinned. 

 Ava let out a squeal. “You did not! Oh my god, I knew you could do it girl! All of your hard work paid off!” 

Spencer’s face lit up. “Congratulations! I’m glad our collision didn’t ruin anything.” 

You let out a laugh. “If anything I think your cardigan brought me good luck, I even got a couple compliments on it. I may just have to keep it.” You teased 

Spencer’s heart warmed at the idea of you wearing his clothes. “Well if it brought you that much luck, maybe I’ll just let you keep it.”

A voice behind the two of you cleared their throat. “Are you guys going to order? Some of us have places to be.” 

You glanced behind you at the woman, a small line had apparently grown behind you and Spencer.  “Sorry about that. Ava I’ll just do my usual. Do not let Spencer pay.” 

Ava raised her hands defensively. “I’m just here to make coffee love.” 

“I’ll just do a large coffee with extra cream and a lot of sugar.”  Spencer said. 

You went to grab your wallet from your purse, but Spencer cut you off, cash already in hand. 

“Spencer.” You whined and Spencer just shrugged. 

As you made your way to the counter, you found it a bit strange that James had just left your coffees there. Usually he would at least wait a moment to say hi before taking off to make more orders, but you shrugged it off, they did have a line right now so he probably had to focus on getting the coffees out to customers. 

Though the two of you only got to spend about an hour together, the two of you had immediately hit it off, completely unaware of the eyes that had been burning through you as they watched throughout what you and Spencer would later consider your first date. 

_______________________________________________________________

From there it was a whirlwind of dates snuck between cases and your design jobs. After a little over a month Spencer had asked to officially call you his girlfriend and you had obviously accepted.  

It was ridiculously cliche how quickly the both of you had fallen for each other, but you had just seemed to click right away. You loved Spencer’s logical mind that went on and on with random facts, he loved your creativity and energy. Your minds worked well together, helping each other out when the other got stuck. 

As your relationship progressed, you found yourself spending more and more time at each other's apartments.

“Ava, he's just a dream. I’ve never felt like this with anyone ever.” You explained joyfully. 

You had sat in your regular window seat, while Ava remained on the  other side of the service counter. It was a bit slow in the shop today, so she had come over to get all the details on “your smokeshow boyfriend.” Since she was the manager of the shop and beloved by her boss, she could get away with it.

“Oh hon, if he has a brother, let me know.” She purred, sneaking a glance over her shoulder to check on James who was holding down the fort for her. The boy stood by the register, poor thing looking a bit bored. 

James was a year younger than you and apparently starting grad school, but his shyness made him seem so much younger that you felt this slight protectiveness over him even if you only knew him from around the shop and stories from Ava. 

His eyes met yours and you gave him a sympathetic smile. He blushed deeply and turned away, scampering to busy himself. 

You looked back at Ava, giving a little nod towards James, “What about James? He seems sweet and he’s cute.” You waggled your eyebrows at her. 

Ava snickered. “(Y/N/N), he is sweet, but way too shy, he can barely look me in the eye. I need someone who’s more of a dom if you know what I mean.” She smirked. 

You pouted at her. “Poor James.” 

Ava shrugged, “He’ll find his someone. Anyway you’re switching the topic, back to your dreamboat. You said he was an FBI agent? That’s heroic and sexy.” 

You rolled your eyes at her. “Yes, he’s part of the Behavior Analysis Unit. They create profiles to help solve different criminal cases. It’s actually amazing. Spencer is giving a lecture about it at a college this Friday if you want to come with me.” 

“I’ll come, but only if I get to officially meet your sexy doctor superhero boyfriend.” Ava smirked. 

“Well obviously.” You smiled. 

________________________________________________________________

The boy’s breathing was heavy as he struggled to control his anger. He watched the Doctor’s tall form strutting across the stage, his long brown hair swinging back and forth as he broke down profiling and the criminal cases he and his BAU team had solved. 

From where he sat in the lecture hall he could watch the doctor while also keeping an eye on you. You were sitting near the front, your friend by your side.  It was hard to miss her with her deep purple hair, that’s how he always found you. Though to him, you outshined everyone in the room. Even the ridiculous doctor. 

He growled to himself as he observed your look of awe. He knew you two had made your relationship official. He knew almost every detail. Like how last weekend, the Doctor had come home early from a case and had surprised you with your favorite flowers: pink dahlias. You had spent the whole rest of the weekend together; you had brought him to your favorite Thai place, then went to both of your favorite bookstores. He knew everything. 

He knew where you lived, your schedule, the design projects you were working on. He watched and he listened. He followed you home some days. Other days, he would simply wait outside your apartment building. He knew what window to watch if he wanted to catch a glimpse of you. 

The worst days are when the Doctor would be with you. He would watch as you two joked around and kissed, it made him sick. 

He didn’t like the Doctor. He hated hearing him ramble on to you. Fact after fact, never shutting up. But he understood him as he had researched him, found his accomplishments; he was a prodigal, graduating high school at the age of 12 and earned three PhDs. He worked for the FBI, catching criminals and profiling them. The Doctor constantly had something to prove, how could you be with a man so weak?

The Doctor was someone who could hardly befriend anyone besides his books, so how had the Doctor gotten you, when he had always been there? The Doctor did not deserve you, the Doctor could not give you what he could. Yet here you were, giving this man a ridiculous moon-eyed look that he did not deserve. 

He couldn’t take it anymore. He got up and left. 

He made his way down the hall towards an all-too familiar office, one that he practically lived in. 

He was greeted by his usual cheery eyed professor, Professor Irving. 

Never one to miss anything, Professor Irving raised an eyebrow. “You’re back early, how was the lecture?” Professor Irving asked. “Isn’t that Dr. Reid something else?”

“He’s alright. Someone worth looking into for sure. I left early to get ahead of these reports you wanted me to help grade, I do have a life outside of classes.” 

Professor Irving smirked at him. “Son, I have known you too long, the only three places you go are classes, your job, and your apartment. I was hoping this lecture would show you how much the world has to offer, I mean look at Dr. Reid! He was one of the youngest to ever join the BAU-”

“ENOUGH about Dr. Reid!” He growled, interrupting his professor. 

Professor Irving just stared at his student, shell-shocked. 

The boy shook his head and rubbed his face. “I’m sorry professor, that was uncalled for, I have just been stressed lately.” The boy began picking up the papers he had to grade. He wanted to get through some of these as quick as possible, that way he could spend his weekend with you. 

Professor Irving solemnly nodded. “I understand. I know you’ve been stressed lately, is that girl of yours acting up still?”

The boy sighed as he shrugged on his bag full of student’s reports. “Something like that. Listen, I know you said Dr. Reid is going to continue to come back and give lectures every few weeks or so. I will go to those ones and actually stay for them. Who knows? Maybe it will help me with my thesis paper. I just- I just can’t focus tonight, but I will do better. I promise.” 

Professor Irving nodded. “Of course, let me know if there is anything I can do to help.” 

The boy nodded then left the room.

________________________________________________________________

TAGLIST:

@andiebeaword @haylaansmi @parkastoria @possessedjoker @amronsparty @generaltheoristexpert @sierraraeck @coniumalces @tamedbyafox @anotherr-fine-mess @adoregin @rainsong01 @canyonnmoonn  @mggshoe @boxofsparklingmuses @richardpapensmuse @deanlenaz​ @rainsong01 @goldentournesol @annesauriol @itsametaphorbriansblog @secretpickleprofessordean @shameleswhorehourstm @stepsofthefbi​ @iifloweringnightsii 

[failedaned]

Tomorrow is my timed run and my mom is making dinner tonight so I'll eat dinner so i can do good on my run and my mom doesn't usually make dinner the rest of the week till Friday so it will work out perfectly. I had a "smoothie" (basically just matcha powder, flax seed and chia seed powder, frozen blueberry, squeezed lemon juice, ice and a little coffee) and i did a great job on my test...at least i felt like i did great- i didn't eat at break and i ate a few bites at lunch then spilt something which was an accidental distraction to which i didn't have to eat any more without suspicion. then my niece is here so i had a kittle bit of the low calorie low sugar cookies i made the other DayZ which are perfect and don't make me feel guilty now I'm gonna take a shower which is also a great distraction to stop me from eating more and then I'll start the essay that's due tonight lol...i have till 11:59 so it's fine..it's fine...ayer my essay I'll eat the dinner then take a papaya & chlorophyll pill that helps with digestion and stuff that I took (just a little) from my mom then I might drink sleepy time tea with a blend green tea (don't tell me the science of it I'd like to believe i can go to sleep and get the benefits of green tea- ) anyway, I'ma hop in the shower because I've been standing here for a while just completely naked and I'm cold. Goodbye! I'll update y'all later :) (ps i don't usually count calories because that takes time and effort and I'm lazy i just eat as healthy and as little as possible lol)

[a-fluffer-nutter]

The Fox And The Turtle

A/N - Hey guys, this was such a fun fic to write! This was prompted by a lovely anon who commissioned me on my Kofi! To that wonderful anon, I really hope you enjoy and thank you so much for helping me out a bit, my boyfriend and I used the money to buy a celebratory dinner after we got accepted for an apartment! If anyone else would like their own amazing fic, let me know or head on over to my Kofi and let’s get the process started. 

This is a Miraculous Ladybug fic featuring Nino and Alya. Please Enjoy.

Word Count: 4,034

           The first time was unexpected, an accident really. She never expected to get that close to him, to want to be so close to him.

           Alya Césaire had invited Nino Lahiffe to a nearby café to talk. She had arrived early in the morning, wanting to finish some schoolwork and to get started on a new blog post. There was so much she needed to catch her blog up with, especially with what had happened the week before.

           Lady Wifi.

           She never wanted it to happen, why would she? She idolized Ladybug, most of her blog was dedicated to the hero, but she had been the cause of another fight Ladybug and Chat Noir had to undertake. It all happened because of her.

           The autumn breeze rustled the sleepy trees, sending leaves of orange, red, and yellow floating toward the ground. The air was just beginning to have a chill bite at the bare skin of passersby, but this didn’t faze the people of Paris, most of them thrilled that the summer heat was fading, and autumn was taking over again. Kids had just returned to school, most of the teens excited to spend their weekends at the mall hanging out with their closest friends.

           Nino was on his way to the café to visit Alya. He hadn’t seen much of her that summer, though had followed her online presence closely. It was hard not to, when Alya seemed to run a major blog in basically every topic. In fact, Nino had been browsing online forums about Donkey Kong a few days prior, wanting to prove some sort of point to his younger brother, when he stumbled upon a Donkey Kong fan blog Alya had made a few years before. Sure, she hadn’t touched it in a long time, but the fact that Nino had accidentally found something made by her had made him laugh at the time.

           Humming to himself, Nino danced between small puddles of water that speckled the sidewalk. Staring at his phone, he tried to think of a good playlist for the next school dance. It was that time of year again; the dance wasn’t going to DJ itself.

           “Britney Spears or Lady Gaga?” Nino muttered to himself, staring at the blank note page he just opened on his phone. He may have had Lady Gaga playing in his headphones at the moment, but that didn’t mean Britney Spears wasn’t a favorite of his.

           A church bell chimed in the distance, Nino looking up from his phone in panic.

           “Oh no,” Nino said to himself. He was late to his meeting with Alya. Nearly tripping over a stroller with a screaming toddler inside, Nino jogged toward his destination, still considering what Lady Gaga song would be the best to dance to.

             Alya recoiled as she burnt her tongue again. She had just sat down with her steaming mug, her third pumpkin spiced latte of the day. She might have enjoyed making fun of people who drink pumpkin spice lattes, but they were too good for her to resist.

           “Ow,” She moaned, her tongue sticking out slightly between her plump lips. She had a habit of just rushing into things, being impulsive. From risking it all to get the next big scoop to instantly taking a drink of something she knew would burn her tongue, Alya had a penchant for impulsivity.

           The chime above the door rang, Nino throwing it open with so much force that it startled everyone inside in the café. Giving an embarrassed smile, Nino gave a short wave to the older lady who spilt a bit of coffee down her dress. Looking up from her computer, Alya rolled her eyes at the sight of Nino, though she couldn’t help the smile on her face.

           “Hi Alya,” Nino grinned, pulling off his headphones and slipped them down his neck. “Sorry I’m late, I got distracted.”

           “It’s fine,” Alya replied, waving her hand, motioning for him to sit.

           “Before we start,” Dropping his backpack to the floor, Nino plopped down into his seat, sitting across from Alya. “Do you prefer Britney Spears or Lady Gaga?”

           “You can’t choose between the two of them,” Alya let out a laugh, thinking about her fan blogs she has created for both of them in the past.

           “You’re no help,” Chided Nino, Alya simply replied by sticking out her tongue, still numb from burning it.

           “Anyway, I wanted your help with something,” Alya quickly changed the subject, getting down to business. Nino smiled expectantly, tilting his head ever so slightly. “I need to update my blog about Ladybug, but I don’t really know how to do it.”

           “Oh, I thought this was going to be something important,” Nino laughed, laughing harder when Alya shot him a death glare. He lifted his hands, “I kid, I kid. But how can I help you with your blog? You know more about Ladybug than anyone else I know. Wait, this isn’t about Chloe, is it? If so, I’m not helping you snoop on her more. I don’t want to get into trouble.”

           “Oh no, I’m definitely never snooping on Chloe again, she definitely isn’t Ladybug.”

           “Then, what do you need?” Nino leaned back, glancing up at the drink menu above the front counter. He may have been interested in whatever Alya was talking about, but he was torn between whether to order a strawberry smoothy or a chocolate caramel latte.

           “Lady Wifi,” Nino’s eyes shot down at her words.

           “Why are you asking me about her, you are her,” His voice dropped, glancing around to make sure no one else could hear him.

           “That’s the thing,” Alya looked down at her keyboard, fingers circling the keys. “I don’t remember it at all. I guess that’s good, because I could’ve hurt someone really bad and I would have to live with remembering myself doing that, but I don’t, which is really weird. I just feel bad about battling my idol, like I could have really hurt her! I don’t want to do that, besides, what would I do if I can’t blog about her?”

           “Work on your other eight hundred blogs. Or you know, schoolwork,” Nino rubbed the back of his neck, letting out a short laugh when Alya shot him another glare.

           “Come on, Nino,” She sighed, leaning back in her chair. “Please help me.”

           “Okay, sure thing,” Nino smiled, leaning forward, placing a hand on her knee, giving it a small squeeze. “What do you want to know?”

           Instead of replying, Alya let out a stream of giggles, instinctually scooching back in her chair. Shocked, Nino pulled his hand back, lips parting.

           That was adorable.

           “Don’t tickle me, Nino,” Alya said, rubbing her knee, numbing the area of the ticklish shocks that just jolted through her muscles. “This is serious.”

           “Sorry,” Nino rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed by the blush he could feel painting his cheeks, crawling up to his ears.

           “Anyways,” Alya went on, ignoring Nino’s discomfort, and went on talking about Lady Wifi. Nino answered as many questions as he could, but he couldn’t stop the image of her giggling face from being at the forefront of his thoughts. Nino wanted to see it again but didn’t know when he would have the chance to.

**

                       “Nino!” Alya giggled, attempting to curl into herself.

           The attack had come unexpectedly, but there was not much she could do. Fighting back could give herself away, and it wouldn’t be for another few months that Nino would learn the new truth about her. She let him get away with the attack, though with her new strength, it was much harder to hold back.

           Nino sat over her, his knees straddling her thighs and hips, putting just enough pressure to pin the legs to the bench without crushing her. He sat triumphantly on her thighs, fitting perfectly between the hem of her jeans and her knees, which happened to be exposed that day thanks to the fashionable tears that came with them. He held her wrists together in one hand, surprised by how tiny her wrists were in comparison, he laughed victoriously once he had them pinned to the wooden bench, her hair messily entangled beneath.

           “Something wrong?” Nino teased, his free hand resting on her knee, feeling the short stubbly hair on her skin. Why shave in the winter when nobody was going to see it?

           “What are you doing?” Alya asked, voice trembling. The skin on her legs were coated with anticipatory goosebumps.

           Nino simply responded with a curt grunt and a slight shrug, then proceeded to squeeze the knee cap. Giggles filled her belly, rising to her throat like bubbles blowing in the wind. Alya bit back the laughter, her teeth pressing into her plump bottom lip, ruby lipstick painting a thin layer of gloss onto her teeth. She managed to hold back the laughter for a bit as he focused on squeezing just the kneecap but lost her composure a bit as he slipped his hand through the hole and hooked his fingers beneath her leg and scratched behind her knee.

           “Nino,” Alya squeaked before the vast number of giggly bubbles slipped through her control and turned into one of the most beautiful sounds Nino had ever heard. She squeezed her eyes shut, turning her head away so he couldn’t see her smile as well, though she fought the urge to tug at her arms.

           “Wow, Alya,” Nino cooed, his short nails still scratching at the skin, his fingers moving swiftly as if helping her scratch a persistent itch she couldn’t reach. “If you’re this ticklish here, you must be super ticklish everywhere else too.”

           Letting out a little yelp, Alya continued to giggle as Nino crawled his hands a little further up the leg and lightly traced swirls into the back of her lower thigh.

           Alya decided not to give him the satisfaction of conceding at all, of begging. Ladybug had just given her own Miraculous, which hid beneath her shirt, but she wasn’t afraid at this moment that Nino was going to see it. It would have to take a lot of thrashing for it to make an appearance, and Alya knew that wasn’t going to happen. Speaking of her Miraculous, Trixx was still hiding in her fanny pack, which thankfully was sitting next to her backpack on the ground below the bench. Lucky for Trixx, as he would be crushed by Nino if Alya hadn’t taken the fanny pack off before this all went down.

           “How about here?” Nino let out a small laugh as he quickly reached forward and latched onto her hip bone. Despite it not being that ticklish of a spot, Alya still let out a giggly gasp and a short kick. She dug the heel of her shoes into the bench, giving her something to focus on, grounding her just a bit.

           “Her giggle is adorable,” Nino thought, ecstasy flowing through his bloodstream, her smile and giggle like a drug to him. Though she was hiding her face, he could still see enough of her face to take in the beauty of it all, her lips curled up into a smile bright enough to rival all the stars in the sky.

           Needing more, Nino walked his fingers up just a bit to poke at her sides. Each poke elicited a giggle of a slightly higher pitch led Nino to the conclusion that this spot was a bit better than the last. Curling his fingers into a mimicry of claws, he pressed them into the softer flesh and began to vibrate his hand. This turned out to be a great technique.

           “No!” Alya nearly screamed, the dam finally collapsing and out flowed her wonderfully boisterous laughter. She let out another kick, then dug her heel back into the bench, trying hard to get control again.

           Ticklish shocks resonated through her body, sending surges from her side through her chest and into her throat, which continued to pour out waves of contagious laughter. Despite all this, she still did not tug at all at her arms. This was not satisfactory, not at all, to Nino. He wanted to watch her struggle, to writhe and laugh underneath him, under his ticklish touch. Alya, though, could not let this happen. She was a heroine, after all. A new hero, but still a hero that shouldn’t be taken down by something as silly as tickling. She knew she could fight it until Nino grew bored, she had to.

           “This a good spot?” Nino beamed, tempted to pull his other hand down to do the same to her other side, but thought against it. He won’t let go until she pulls free or begs.

           Nino didn’t know why he was being so sadistic all of a sudden, but he liked it. He liked seeing Alya like this, so flustered, so adorable...no. He didn’t want to admit it yet, he couldn’t like her like that, at least he didn’t think so. But she was so pretty, with eyes that glowed like gold coins and her lips as beautiful as rubies.

           “It tickles,” Alya broke Nino out of his thoughts, bringing out a laugh from him.

           “Well, I hope so,” Nino grinned, fingers stilling briefly before walking up to the base of her ribs.  “That’s kinda the point.”

           Alya let out a squeak as he gently prodded between her bottom two ribs. Nino’s grin spread wider as a devious idea flickered into frame in his mind.

           “Do you know how many ribs the average person has?” Nino asked, mindlessly tapping the same spot between the two ribs over and over, enjoying the small flinch each poke provoked.

           “Twenty-four?” Alya asked after a moment of thinking it over. Something like this should’ve come quickly, but she was a bit distracted at the moment.

           “Yep,” Another poke. “Let’s see if you have twenty-four, too.”

           Without a second to protest if she had wanted, Nino scratched at the lowest rib. Alya let out a breathy giggle, turning her head back so she could see him.

           “One,” Nino said before walking his fingers up to the next one. “Two.”

           “Three,” Alya found herself saying between nearly silent giggles. Nino raised an eyebrow, surprised by her participation. He briefly wondered if she was enjoying it but thought otherwise. Though maybe.

           “Four,” Her giggle became a bit more desperate. “Five.”

           “Six,” Alya startled Nino again, though pressed her face into her arm, hiding from him as much as she could.

           “Seven” Alya cackled, wiggling a bit in anticipation.

           The next three were in her armpit, which is standard anatomy. Alya knew this was going to be hard but tried to hold back as much laughter as she could. Unfortunately for her, it was not much.

           “It tickles!” She squealed, beginning to hysterically laugh as Nino counted the eighth rib. She couldn’t help but toss her head back, laughter pouring from her widely grinning mouth.

           “Nine,” It was hard for Nino to hear himself over her laughter, though he didn’t mind it all that much. That and he knew he wouldn’t be able to count a proper twenty-four. Alya likely didn’t know this fact, or at least Nino hoped so.

           Hands tightly balling into fists, her nails dug into the palms of her hands. It took a lot of effort to not struggle, her armpit being ruthlessly attacked by now, Nino having just announced the tenth rib, but didn’t really seem to be attacking it. Instead, he just scratched all five fingers along the exposed area. Nino was lucky that the day had been unusually warm for the end of autumn, as Alya opted to wear a tank top under a light jean jacket today, which she had taken off earlier into their hangout. This left nothing to protect her sensitive bare skin from his dull, scribbling nails raking up and down this one armpit.

           “Want me to stop?” Nino asked, wanting to see what she would do. She responded by glaring daggers at him, though due to the current situation, these daggers were more like pencils, not very dangerous, but still hurts a little if stabbed by one.

           “Sure,” Was all Alya could say. She wouldn’t beg for him to stop, not wanting to concede. She could take it, but she wouldn’t mind at all if Nino was bored and wanted to stop. This, however, was definitely not the case.

           “That wasn’t very convincing!” Nino let out a laugh as he wore a goofy grin. “If you want me to stop, you have to say, ‘Yes, Nino the Great and Wonderful, please stop tickling me!’”

           “Never,” Alya exclaimed, then let out a shriek as he suddenly attacked her other armpit. The pads of her fingers teased the shaved skin, the sensitivity of this armpit higher than the last thanks to the long anticipation Alya had to endure. She knew it was coming, but still could not brace herself for it.

           “Well, that’s no fun,” Nino pouted, sticking out his lower lip ever so slightly. His fingers stilled for a moment, contemplating his next move. “Hm…how can I make you beg for mercy?”

           “You can’t,” Alya chided, stretching her fingers as she breathed heavily, glad to have fresh air circulating through her lungs once more. “You can’t do anything to make me beg.”

           “Is that a challenge?” Nino sneered, raising an eyebrow. “Alright then, I accept that challenge.”

           Sucking in as much air as she could in anticipation, Alya tightened all her muscles and clenched her fists once again. Her heels dug back into the bench, ready to be a physical support in this endeavor.

           “Hm…” Nino poked the tip of his tongue out, contemplating his next move. Her armpits were a good spot, but she would probably expect that. He could sit on her arms and attack both at once, but that wouldn’t give him any other options for tickling her, except for her neck. Her neck seemed promising, but for some reason, he just felt something was telling him not to, like something in his brain nudging him another way.

           He glanced down at her stomach, a very easy spot for him to reach in this position, and one she couldn’t defend whatsoever even if she tried.

           “Does this tickle?” Nino asked as he reached down as if to tickle her armpit, but then withdrew his hand quickly and went for her belly.

           “Yes!” Alya let out a snort after a shrill scream, her heels pounding against the bench. Nino’s hand teased at the softer skin from her hips to right below her naval, poking at just the right spots to make her cackle and throw her head from side to side. “It tickles so much!”

           Nino was shocked by how toned her stomach was, the faint outline of abs could be felt through her shirt. 

            “Have you been working out?” Nino admired her belly, tracing his fingers over the muscles. “I’m a bit jealous. Maybe we can work out together. But oh well, it sure isn’t stopping you from being super ticklish!”

            “Shut up!”

           “Are you going to beg me to stop?” Nino asked, his nails now skittering over an overly sensitive spot just beneath the left side of her rib cage.

           “Never,” Alya repeated, her hands hurting just a bit from how tight she was straining her fists. It just tickled so much; her belly being one of her worst spots. That and… “No!”

           “Aw, does Alya have a ticklish little belly button?” Nino cooed, single finger wiggling in her belly button like a worm wriggling around on a fishing hook. Alya’s laughter was loud, likely heard by all who resided in Paris. She flailed her legs, not able to steady or ground herself any longer, her heels bashing the wooden boards beneath her. Her hips bounced as she thrashed and turned, trying to get her wrists free without hurting him, but Nino wouldn’t let go. She still knew she could get free, but she didn’t want to use all of her newfound strength, not wanting him to know that she was as strong as a heroine now.

           “It’s so ticklish. It’s so cute!” Nino’s voice was cutesy, adorable, as if he was talking to a puppy. As his index finger swirled around in her navel, his other fingers scratched at her tummy, Alya letting out a howl of ticklish mirth and agony. “How can such a tiny little thing be so ticklish?”

           “Shut up!” Alya let out another snort as she shot her retort.

           “You want me to stop?”

           “I’m not begging.”

           “Fine,” Nino grinned, devious plan forming in his mind. Without any hesitation, Nino let go of Alya’s wrists and thrust his hand down under her arm and began to tickle her armpit at the same time as her belly was being obliterated.

           “Stop!” She finally let out, bringing her arms down, trapping his hand in her armpit.

           “I will only stop if you say the magic words,” Nino laughed, dipping his middle finger into her belly button to help his index finger. Letting out another few snorts, Alya shook her head.

           “No,” Alya repeated over and over, smacking his chest, though not very hard. “Stop.”

           “Nah,” Nino let out a chuckle as he bent over, his fingers on her belly stopping momentarily to lift her shirt up to the bottom of her ribs. Sucking in the deepest of breaths, Nino planted his lips onto the skin around her belly button and blew the largest raspberry he could.

           “Mercy!” Alya tapped her fingers against the bench, tapping out.

           “You’re welcome,” Nino winked, thinking his pun was pretty funny. Alya simply responded with a half assed glare. He pulled his hands and face away from her body and looked over her, his head tilted a bit to the side. “Are you okay?”

           “Yeah,” Alya said as she gasped in more air, her lungs trying to catch up from the lack of oxygen she has had for the last half hour or so, or at least she thinks it was that long. Her current perception of time was definitely a bit messed up. “That was a lot.”

           “Sorry,” Nino let out a sigh, rubbing the back of his neck. He lifted himself off her, standing up next to her. “I guess I went a little overboard.”

           “You think?” Alya smacked him with the back of her hand, finally feeling like she had the strength to sit back up. She rotated around to face him and put her hands on her hips. “I’m going to get you back, Nino. Mark my words.”

           “I’ll remember,” Nino winked, but he didn’t remember for that long.

**

           “You’re so mean!” Nino cackled, his head thrown back, his armpits being tickled by Alya, who was sitting behind him, her legs crossed, wrapped around his torso.

           “This is revenge, Nino,” Alya teased, quickly blowing a raspberry against his neck, eliciting a loud laugh.

           “It tickles so much,” Nino squeaked, wiggling around, but despite being the superhero, Carapace, he is not nearly as strong as Alya. She has been in the game for much longer, which he had just learned and was amazed that she didn’t literally kill him when he last tickled her. He was incredibly fortunate, but here he was, getting the worst punishment of his life.

           “That’s the point, Nino,” Alya grinned, slipped her left hand down and reached forward, grabbing at his knee, and squeezed.

           “Stop!” Nino yelled, his laughter louder than ever. “It tickled too much!”

           “Well, maybe you should have thought about that when you tickled me first.”

           “That was months ago,” Nino wheezed, too ticklish for his own good. While Alya had, quite possibly, the most ticklish belly button in the whole world, Nino was definitely more ticklish overall. Every inch of his body was ticklish, and his knees were quite bad.

           “Well, I like to hold grudges,” Alya gave a villainous laugh, now attacking his ribs and thighs.

           “I give, I give!” Nino let out a snort, unable to take any more tickling. “It’s too ticklish!”

           “Say that I am the best tickler in the world.”

           “Alya is the best tickler in the world,” Nino repeated, though thought about being snide, though thought against it. He really couldn’t take much more.

           “Good,” Alya said, withdrawing her body from his and stretched. “I think we’re pretty even now. Don’t you?”

           “Definitely,” Nino replied, unable to shake the phantom tickles he still felt. “We’re even.”

[kermits-cup-of-tea]

So I’ve discovered something about the Gulborps. Apparently they don’t like milk. I had the replicator make me a glass the other day and I accidentally spilt a bit on the counter when I was washing the glass. I walked away to get something to clean it up with and came back to Zilpop and Mi cowering in fear beneath the counter. I just walked up to the spill and cleaned it and Zilpop and Mi looked at me like I’d spontaneously lost my head or something. After I threw the towel away, Zilpop asked me why I wasn’t fearful of the liquid and found out that apparently milk sings? Or something? It’s at such a high frequency that humans can’t hear it but Gulborps can. According to Mi it sounds like it screams curses at them, which would explain why they were so fearful of it. I mean, who wouldn’t be. Some weird-ass liquid just starts screaming about how it’ll kill you or something you can’t just brush that off you know. Well, anyways. Turns out I’m not allowed to drink milk anymore. Which sucks but I don’t want to go home so I’ll have to deal with it. I’m going to try coffee next. I read a bunch of those Humans are Weird posts once and that was something that kept popping up. I’ll update when I can.

[twentyonesoons]

Caught Out

Spy/Criminal Mastermind!Wonwoo x Reader

Genre- Action? Drabble?

Word Count- 1900+

Warnings- Mentions of drugs, alcohol and violence, no graphic details

Notes- Inspired by ‘Boom Boom’

When a ditsy rich girl outsmarts the masterminds that are out for her neck.

- - -

You threw the magazine down onto the coffee table, yet another tabloid describing you to the world in a way that was far from true. Of course, you couldn’t let anybody know the truth, you didn’t mind being waited on hand and foot whenever you desired. Getting babied with everything you do however was a different story, that was the tipping point. You didn’t need a guard outside of your room all day, every day, and you didn’t need someone to constantly open doors and tell you to “watch your step”. You replied with a smile and a curt “Thank you” but with an eye roll behind their turned back.

You had upkept this image of being helpless and clumsy for so long, that people never bothered to dive any deeper, the tabloids telling them all they needed to know about the spoilt daughter of a billionaire.

Your tore your eyes away from the magazine and turned towards your closet, the gown of choice for tonight hanging beside the mirror. Matching shoes posed on the floor beside the door and a velvet jewellery box lay on top of your dressing table.

- - -

“Okay boys, she’ll be arriving soon, keep your eyes on the prize and get what we deserve.” Seungcheol’s voice crackled over the in-ear as Wonwoo secured the last camera. He had secured cameras all over the boat, hooked up to monitors in Jihoon’s hideout below deck. 

Wonwoo returned to the kitchen, nodding towards Jeonghan, Chan and Minghao who were busy making meals amongst the rest of the staff. He slipped into the dining area, spotting Jun, Josh, Soonyoung and Seungkwan amongst the bus boys lining up and preparing to serve meals. From the window, he could see Mingyu and Seungcheol below, their fake security badges glistening with the light of the dock. Wonwoo smiled and welcomed guests as he walked past before slipping behind the bar with Vernon and Seokmin.

They all watched anxiously as each table filled up, 3 seats remaining at the central one assigned for you and your parents. Their ear pieces sprang to life with Mingyu’s voice,

“She’s here.”

- - -

Your suspicion arose as soon as you arrived that night, the two security guards at the dock looking rather dashing for this line of work. They both flashed a smile and ushered you onto the boat, your parents leading the way into the dining room. Everyone stood from their chairs as you entered, a smile and a greeting coming from your father before they returned to the seated positions. Your gaze shifted around the room, watching the handsome bus boys take orders and return their notes to the kitchen. Their eyes seemed to linger on your side of the room, and you quickly ordered your meal when one of them approached, hoping for him to leave quickly. You spotted a black ear piece in his ear, matching those that the security guards and a few other bus boys had, however many were left without them. You soon realised that the boys weren't looking at you, but rather at the jewellery around your neck.

“I’m going for a walk, I need some air.” You say, none of the people at your table bothering to flick their eyes in your direction and you stood and left. 

- - -

“She’s heading out of the dining room, Mingyu, she’ll be on your side of the boat so keep an eye out. Be prepared at the bar incase she comes upstairs.” Jihoon’s voice appeared again over the in-ear. Wonwoo turned towards Vernon and Chan, the latter pulling out a small tablet that he would slip into your drink. 

“She just asked where the bar was and got into the elevator, she’s heading your way boys.” Mingyu mentioned over the ear piece before Jihoon’s voice cut in, “We’ve lost visual in the elevator, and now in the hallway outside the bar, Wonwoo do you see her?”

“She’s not here.”

“All of the cameras are down, we need to keep track on foot. She’s obviously onto us so lay low, don't get caught out.”

Wonwoo looked towards Vernon and Chan who casually served drinks to other patrons before heading towards the hallway, the camera that he hung there, along with the one in the elevator now decorated with slashed cords. A satisfied smirk spread across his face. 

“Wonwoo, she’s in the bar, we’ve spiked her drink, but she didn’t stay. She took the drink and left.”

- - -

The camera sizzled as it died, the cut cords dangling from underneath it. You had disabled every camera on board, leaving you untraceable to the boys that were watching you. You slipped your knife away and walked towards the bar, ordering a drink from the young-looking boy, the familiar black piece nestled in his ear. 

You thanked him as you picked up the drink, the familiar fizzle of an unwanted drug giving away his intentions. You walked onto the balcony, discarding the drink onto a nearby plant. The familiar lanky boy that was supposedly a security guard stood at the far end of the balcony. You crept behind him quietly, grabbing a discarded beer bottle and bringing it down on his head. He collapsed into your arms and his body weight proved difficult to move quickly. However, you managed to get him into a small empty room, propped up against a wall with hands fastened behind his back.

His head slumped forwards and you titled his chin up slightly, smirking at his unconscious state before taking his ear piece. It crackled to life as soon as you put it on, an unfamiliar voice coming through, “Mingyu is gone, he’s not on his side of the balcony. Seungcheol, head over to that side and keep us updated.”

You smirked, looking around the room for another hard object before settling on a small pot plant perched on the bedside table. You could hear Seungcheol approaching and stepped behind the door, his steps slowing as he cautious approached the open door. He stepped inside and rushed over to Mingyu, allowing you to attack from behind, bringing the pot down upon his head to put him in the same state as his companion.

“Seungcheol any update? Where are you?” Wonwoo’s voice ran through the ear piece again as you stepped into the elevator, shifting your hair to hide the small device. The elevator opened into the hallway beside the dining room and you retook your spot beside your parents, arriving just in time for your meal. One boy served your food while another handed you a glass of champagne, the bubbles more excited than normal.

“I spiked her drink again, it won’t knock her out, but the least it will do is make her feel ill and leave.” The familiar voice of the boy who had just served you echoed through the ear piece and resisted the urge to chuckle. Picking up the drink, you turned and accidentally dropped the glass, the liquid inside spilling across another waiter and the floor.

“Oops, my bad.” You smiled politely, the boy insisting that it was fine, despite his uniform now being sticky and smelling vaguely of fruit and very much like alcohol. You quickly ate dinner, listening to the rambles of the boys on the other end of your ear piece, softly smiling to yourself as they reworked their plans.

- - -

‘Where the hell are they?’ Wonwoo thought to himself as he and Vernon circled the boat yet again, free to leave the bar as the patrons were having dinner. Mingyu and Seungcheol had both vanished. Vernon rounded the corner and met with Wonwoo, a shake of his head to indicate that there was still no sign of the missing members. Vernon opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by a groan from the room behind where they stood.

Wonwoo hurriedly opened the door, finding his two group mates bound at the hands and barely conscious. Vernon clicked on his device and spoke to the remaining members, “We’ve found them, how are things looking downstairs?” 

“Well Y/N spilt her drink all over Seungkwan who is not happy, but everyone has finished eating and is slowly dispersing. Y/N is heading towards the elevator.”

Vernon and Wonwoo looked between each other and down to their group mates, untying their hands but leaving them perched against the wall. The two hurried back behind the bar before a large rush of people came in, ordering drinks and chatting loudly.

They discreetly watched as you emerged from the elevator and approached the bar.

“I’ll have what I ordered earlier, and don’t spike it this time.” You requested with a sultry voice, causing Chan to gulp before nodding and handing the glass to you, free of any drugs.

You sat at the bar, strategically positioned to show off the ear piece belonging to their group mate that you easily stole. The hushed voices and rapid whispers easily indicated that they had seen the piece and you smirked, downing the rest of the drink and placing the empty glass on the bar. The young-looking boy shakily refilled it and you thanked him, turning towards the male who had changed sides and was now seated beside you.

“You’re brave, blowing your cover just to come sit with a pretty girl like me. Wonwoo was it?” You said cheekily, running you finger along his jawline. He grabbed your hand as you reached his chin and looked into your eyes, “Yes, it is Wonwoo, but I must say, you’re brave for wearing the one thing we want so recklessly around your delicate neck.”

His words made you laugh, the sudden outburst causing him to release his grip on your hand. “How naïve you must be to think I would wear real diamonds to sea, it’s not good for them you know.” You took another sip and Wonwoo simply looked at you, a baffled expression laid across his face. He shook his head and spoke again, “I have an offer for you, how about you become an alliance for Seventeen. You’re famous, you can get information from all the big names and that's exactly what I want.”

“And what would I get out of it?” You asked, glancing around the room before returning your focus to him.

“Well, like I said you’re famous, and we have our ways and our eyes everywhere, we can protect you.”

You reached into your heel and pulled out a blade, holding it against Wonwoo’s throat, “What makes you think that I need to be protected. I’m not as dumb as everyone thinks, I even took down two of your men singlehandedly.” He chuckled and disarmed you, holding the blade flat against himself before wrapping his free arm around you and connecting his lips to yours. Your thoughts dissolved completely until the click of a camera was heard. You disconnected your lips from Wonwoo who looked down at you with a smirk.

“Well, when photos of a famous girl kissing a ‘nobody’, or should I say, ‘Soon to be known criminal mastermind’, leak and reach tabloids, people will be all over you for information.” He motions to his groupmate who stood behind the bar, a camera in his hand and a cheeky glint in his eye.

You take your blade from Wonwoo’s hand and slip it back into your shoe, standing up in front of him, “You’re an asshole.” He smiles with a self-assured look on his face,

“You love it sweetheart.”

[clown-bait]

29 Neibolt ST (Monster Roommate AU) CH18

OH WOW LOOK WHOS FINALLY UPDATING! Its been awhile and I need to get the main plot finished before I do anything else with the holiday plot so heres the next chapter. The gang gets take out and bonds a bit over kung pao and entrails. 

CHAPTER 18

Bad cop, Worse cop

“Well while we wait, Leech right? A word please.” the elder clown turned to the vampire. She went to stand and follow him but wobbled on her still busted leg. She would need fresh blood to heal it she had to kill again.

Leatherface helped her to the kitchen and sat her on a chair patting her head with a smile and walking out. Uncle Penny was very quiet it was actually making her quite unnerved. “Alright look this aint easy for me to say-”

“You want me out don't you. What? You worried I'm gonna ruin your little protege or something because he caught a case of the fucking feelings?” she spat claws drawn.

“Will you let me finish? Sheesh you're a little spitfire no wonder the kid likes ya.”

Leech hissed “Fine”

“Junior in there… my nephew…or whatever you want to call it. Look I like that kid a lot alright?” the elder clown began. He seemed to be struggling with this quite a bit “He’s a bit more of a drama queen but he's still a version of me. The kid likes you fangs he likes you a lot. Just be good to him alright?”

“Wait you.. care about him?” Leech instantly dropped her guard.

“Yeah kid, I guess I do.”

“I'm starting to see the relation now, you're both secret softies.” she gave him a devious smirk.

The elder clown grumbled and helped her up. “Don't tell nobody.”

————-

“Chucky does it really matter what we order were just trying to find to information” the female doll reached for her wallet that her husband was going through in search of money to pitch in for their order.

“Look we might as well get some good food outta this Tiff, and I want some of that kung pao.”

“If the doll gets chicken I want noodles” Ash spoke up slamming a $10 on the coffee table

“I'm putting in a request to keep this garlic free.” Leech shouted with a vigorous nod from Dracula.

“C-can I get orange chicken?” Jim poked his head from behind the couch.

“This aint Panda Express Jim they don't got that” Chucky grumbled getting out his own wallet.

“Get the kid sweet and sour pork” Tiff suggested.

“Ask for extra cooOOokiEs!” Penny spoke up jingling his bells as he bounced.

“Ok but do we want rice though?” Freddy called out to the rest of the gang as he repeated their orders

“Don't get it with shrimp I hate their shrimp” Uncle Penny joined in opening his own colorful wallet.

“Leatherface wants egg rolls” the giant excitedly clapped behind Leech and grunted “extra dipping sauce!” she said for him.

“What?! What do you mean you're out of the beef and broccoli what Chinese place runs out of beef and broccoli I'm calling Chin’s at least they have fucking orange chicken!” Freddy hung up the phone and dialed a different number “Hey Ken, its Fred. You got that beef and broccoli yeah?”

“Freddy were supposed to be ordering from the other place so we can find out who has the book.” the gang shouted at him.

“Oh shit. right.”

—————

“Never have I ever…been naked in public.” Chucky stated. The gang were all piled in the kitchen waiting for the unsuspecting delivery person to arrive.

“Oh fuck you.” Leech growled and took a drink along with tiff.

“Wait when did you go naked in public?” Chucky turned to his wife.

“Last girls night got a little uh….it got interesting,,,” Leech trailed off nervously as Penny spit out his drink. (which was just a cup of pure grenadine)

“You did what now?” the younger clown growled.

“Tiff may or may not have killed someone at a spa and then dumped the body at the Quarry” Leech laughed nervously.

“Which led to your brilliant drunk idea to wash the evidence off and hide the body in the lake”

“Look it was nice until that cop showed up! You even said so!”

“Wait you two went on a drunk murder spree and then skinny dipped after?” Chucky looked at both girls in awe.

“Well I had to swim out to the middle to sink the body and there was no way I was going to do that in my nice outfit.” Leech trailed off.

“Shit how come I'm never invited to girls night!?”

“Chucky you're the last person we’d invite to girls night.” Tiff rolled her eyes.

“Am I the first?” Penny turned to Leech excitedly.

“You're the second to last”

“Wait why am I last?”

A knock at the door broke the conversation. The monsters all went eerily silent horrible wicked grins grew on their faces.

“Ash and Jim should go upstairs.” Dracula suggested

“Wait you're not planning what I think you guys are planning are you?” Ash looked at the gang. He was still a good guy despite hanging with villains. Letting them kill some poor delivery kid was a bit over the line for him.

“Go upstairs Ashey” Freddy said clacking his knives on the chair he was in.

“I’m not ok with this”

“Sorry pal, gonna need you to stay out of this one. Bubba help me out here.” Freddy turned to Leatherface who causally walked over to ash and knocked him out cold. Leech snapped her fingers at Jim and pointed at the unconscious man. The poor servant struggled to haul him upstairs. A harder more impatient knock came at the door again. The monsters all vanished out of the room and silence fell upon the old house once more. The delivery girl pushed the door open with an eerie creak. “Um hello? I got a pretty big order here for a mister Kruger?”

The door slammed and locked behind her. She yelped in surprise dropping the bag of food.

“That bitch better not have spilt my chicken” Chucky whispered from the closet.

“Shhh Chucky!” Tiffany hissed.

“Babe I’ve been thinking about that chicken since the phone hung up the craving cant be stopped!”

“I cant remember did you get the white breast meat kind?” Leech whispered from behind them.

“Hell yeah thats the best kind!”

“Nice. I miss Chinese food”

“WILL BOTH OF YOU BE QUIET!” Tiff hissed rather loudly

“Who’s yelling in here? Girl doll, Leech stop chatting!” Penny's head appeared from between the coats

“I wasn't chatting it was Fangs and Chatty Cathy here. Also I have a name clown.” Tiff snarled.

“Yeah don't be mean to my wife Jingles!”

“All of you stop talking! How are you three this incompetent!” the clown hissed

“Hey! I’ve gotten better Pen!” Leech snapped at him, accidentally pulling the coat she was supporting herself with off the hanger and crashing into a broom.

“HELLO?!” the delivery girl called out frantically.

“Leech!”

“I needed something to hold onto! Are you're forgetting that my leg is fucked up!?” Leech hissed at Penny

“Ugh just come here lean on me”

“Aww thanks Pen~”

“Hey love birds shut your traps!”

“Watch your mouth doll!”

The door flung open and the girl shrieked. The monsters seemed slightly caught off guard all looking at one another to make a move.

“Oh hey there…uh you didn't see if the chicken survived did you?’

“You're still on about that?”

“i am craving that kung pao fangs.”

“WHAT THE FUCK WHAT ARE YOU AAAAHHHH” the girl screamed as her head was yanked back and a knife covered finger pressed into her throat.

“Wow you guys suck at this” Freddy laughed as the girl thrashed and shrieked.

“I am injured Freddy, also can you shut her up? I cant hear myself think.” Leech covered her sensitive ears.

“Yeah, yeah I’ll have Bubba tie her up”

“P-PLEASE STOP WHAT ARE YOU-“ the giant grabbed the girl around the waist and carried her away.

The delivery girl was blindfolded and strapped to a chair she couldn't see who was in the room with her but she could hear. Bells jingled around her and something growled.

“Mmmm I must say it is nice to get some take out from time” Pennywise laughed sniffing the girl.

The girl screamed and penny’s claws gripped her shirt sharply yanking her forward. “None of that dear, we just want to ask some questions. Then you can scream all you want hehehe.”

“YEAH LIKE WHY IS THERE SHIRMP IN MY RICE?” a raspy shout came from the living room.

“Alright bad cop my turn” Leech stood up to try to move Penny out of the way but doubled over in pain taking her chair to the floor with her. The clown snarled and released the girl going over to tend to his mate who was raking claw marks into the table.

“You're not going anywhere Leech just sit.”

“Pen I want to help.”

“You’re ruining my table with your helping. Sit.”

“But pen-“

“No buts Leech!”

The two monsters began to bicker and Dracula casually walked over to the poor delivery girl undoing her blindfold and gag. “You will have to excuse my associates my dear, they can be quite barbaric in their ways. Now, we have a few questions for you about your place of employment if you answer well things might turn out for the better for you.”

“W-what do you want to know?”

“YOU BREAK THE TABLE ON A WEEKLY BASIS PEN!”

“YEAH I BREAK THE TABLE! ITS MY TABLE TO BREAK NOT YOURS!”

“Pardon me for a moment dear” the elder vampire turned to the arguing pair. “*AHEM* WILL THE BOTH OF YOU EITHER REMOVE YOURSELVES TO A ROOM OR QUIET YOUR SHOUTING?”

The couple stopped immediately.

“……D-did you just tell us to get a room Drac?”

“Do you not think I am capable of making such remarks? I do live with Fred Kruger.”

“This is taking too long” the clown marched over to the girl grabbing her throat with his claws.

“WHERES THE BOOK?”

“I-I-I-I…”

“TELL ME!”

“Penny she cant speak because you're literally breaking her windpipe”

“Don't tell me how to intimidate my victims Leechie! Stop back seat scaring.”

“Hey I'm just calling it as I see it Pen”

The clown snarled at the nosferatu his claws making small cuts in the girls neck as he glared at his mate. “Your beloved is right clown she's no use to us dead” the elder vampire stated. Pennywise huffed and released the girl who began coughing and crying. Leech inhaled sharply and pushed herself up using her anger to mask the extreme pain in her leg and gut. She stumbled over to the girl and cupped her face. the elder vampire and clown watched on with interest.

“Girl, listen. We need to know if any of your coworkers meet the description of hair gel and revenge obsessed. Probably someone new in town, carries around a creepy looking book”

“T-theres A-Adam I g-guess… He doesn't seem revenge obsessed he seems rather nice really. Will you let me go now p-please?”

“See Pen? You just gotta get straight to the point and- Wait…wh-what was that name?” Leech’s eyes darkened and her blood ran cold

“A-Adam”

Bones cracked in the vampires shoulders and she pulled her hands away staring at her blood covered fingers and back at the girl. “Huh….that… thats interesting….”

“Apprentice, isn't that the name of-“ the elder vampire was cut off by Leech’s soft laughter that grew louder and frantic, her voice splitting into something demonic till the nosferatu doubled over and began shrieking.

“HAHAHAHA SEE YOU CANT HELP IT EITHER!” Pennywise shouted to her beaming with victory as his mate gave into a frenzied bloodlust.

“It seems she's been picking up your mannerisms clown” the elder vampire said to him.

“Birds of a feather.” Pennywise chuckled to himself as leech’s limbs stretched and dislocated. The nosferatu’s face changed to the large eared skeletal bat monster and her claws clacked against the kitchen tiles. The creature charged the delivery girl grabbing her face and tilting her head back. She frantically licked the cuts on her victims neck with greed and when the girl screamed Leech roared back at her in her face. The nosferatu bit down into the girls collar and began to shake her head side to side like a shark cutting out a large chunk of flesh. Pennywise grinned and let out an involuntary purr.

“Ah would you look at that! She's come so far. You must be proud of her.” Dracula said to him looking on like a father at his daughter’s graduation.

“Very.” Penny smiled dreamily. The elder vampire patted him on the shoulder and tipped his hat moving to join the rest of the house having dinner on the couch. Ash came downstairs rubbing his head going to the kitchen to fashion an icepack when he saw the murder scene unfolding in the kitchen

“What the hell happened here?”

Leech sniffed the air a chunk of flesh hung from her mouth. She turned to the human and lunged at him screeching, Ash quickly drew his shot gun and took aim. Before anything bad could happen something grabbed the vampire by the ear and sat her down. Whoever it was spoke to her harshly in Romanian and Leech felt weirdly compelled to obey turning back and landing in a squatting position.

“You need to show me how you did that vampire.” Penny turned to Dracula in earnest.

“What was I just doing?” Leech shook herself in a haze.

“You got triggered!” Freddy shouted with a mouth full of noodles. “Some guy named Adam has the book and you freaked out.”

“WHAT?”

————————

Gasp what a twist. Not really but I’m excited to reveal Adam the vampire to you all and the real reason Leech left him. Also Dracula shouting at night creatures to sit the fuck down in Romanian like he does with the wolf in Bram Stokers Dracula. PS: Don’t break Pennywise’s table.

[xfandomimagines]

STAR-CROSSED LOVERS (AN AU PETER PARKER IMAGINE) - PART THREE

Summary: Summary: One night at a party hosted by her father’s rival, Y/N meets Peter Parker and the two instantly connect. However, she has no idea that he’s the intern of Tony Stark, the rival.

[PART ONE] [PART TWO]

Gender: Female

Notes: Goddamn finally. If you follow my account then you probably know that I’ve been away for a week and then ill for the past few days, so I’ve not been able to write even though I’ve been wishing I could write the next part of this. Also, I really wanted to write out the Romeo/Mercutio/Tybalt scene even though this is in the reader’s POV, so I did it in a flashback. And shit is about to go down.

Warnings: Violence (not really that graphic I’d say?) including an accidental serious assault. 

{REQUESTS ARE OPEN}

You and Peter continued to meet in secret over the next few weeks, always at what you have named as ‘your spot’ in Central Park. Peter continued to be an absolute adorable dork, something which you found completely endearing, and you had fallen hard. You hadn’t told him this yet, but you’d been in love with Peter for around a week now. Well, even though technically you had realised you were in love a week ago, you knew you had been in love since the moment your drinks spilt on each other.

“…Then soda came out of his nose and went everywhere! The lunch lady wasn’t very happy.” Peter had just finished telling you a story about what happened to Ned at lunch today. You smiled against his shoulder, not really paying attention and just loving the sound of his voice, feeling content in his arms. “Are you even listening to me?”

“Wha?” You looked up dazed, blushing when you realised you’d be caught out. Peter laughed. “Sorry.” You apologised, sheepishly.

Peter stroked your cheek with his thumb. “It’s okay. You’re adorable when you blush.”

Your eyes connected and you grinned lazily, when a flood of realisation hit you. You loved Peter.

It was your next meeting and you were convinced that you were going to say those small three words to Peter. You thought it was funny, how saying three words could change the course of a relationship forever.

You were at, once again, your spot in Central Park, Peter helping you with your Chemistry homework. The weather hadn’t been great all day, dull, grey clouds looming overheard and you hadn’t spent the entire day hoping that it didn’t rain. Luckily it hadn’t, but you still expected that it could start at any moment. So you took the cold weather as an excuse to sit as close to Peter as possible while you worked.

“When an atom loses one or more electrons it becomes...” Peter trailed off, waiting for you to fill in the answer.

“A positively charged ion?” You asked, unsure of your answer.

“Yes!” Peter beamed at you. “So that means when they gain one of more electrons it is?”

“A negatively charged ion.” You answered, more certain, now smiling as you realised you finally had grasped which way round they were. Peter held his hand up for a high five, which you reciprocated.

“I told you you’d get it!” Peter said. “You said the next thing you had to do were atomic numbers?”

You reached over to the textbook Peter had on his lap and started to flick the pages to find the section on atomic numbers when raindrops started to fall from the sky. You and Peter looked at each other as a downpour suddenly started and quickly threw the books back in your backpack. Peter got up and started to head towards your car.

“What?” You stopped Peter with a hand on his wrist.

“Let’s dance in the rain!” You called over the patter of the rain. Peter looked at you incredulously, but you tugged him closer. “Come on, how often are we going to be able to do this?” He finally relented and you both started skipping and dancing around the grass, almost slipping and constantly stepping on each other’s toes. You laughed breathlessly as Peter spun you both in a circle, your arms outstretched.

You collapsed against each other giggling, clothes clinging to your bodies and your hair dripping down your faces. Peter took your face between his hands, connecting your lips together. You felt like you were in one of the cheesy romantic movies you watched with Wanda, kissing in the rain with the man you loved. This wasn’t a movie though, this was real and you couldn’t understand how you had ended up so lucky.

“I love you, Y/N.” Peter confessed, nervously. You heart sped up, the feeling of butterflies in your stomach as his words sunk in. Peter loved you back.

“I love you too.”

 Two days later was when everything started to come crashing down.

  It started with your dad and Bucky running out of the apartment late into the evening, yelling at you to stay indoors until they returned. You were laid on your bed, wondering why Peter hadn’t replied for a few hours, considering he never disappeared on you without saying a word. That combined with whatever was going on with your dad caused a pit of worry to gnaw at your stomach. You couldn’t help but feel like something terrible had happened, and you paced around your room, constantly checking your phone for any updates. Even Wanda, who was normally always at her phone, didn’t reply.

Half an hour later, a loud banging came from your balcony door and you jumped in surprise, rushing over and pushing open the curtains. Peter was collapsed against the window, blood running from his temple. Hair was plastered against his face from the rain, and he was soaked through, holding his side and struggling to remain upright. Quickly, you helped him into your room and deposited him on your bed.

“Peter? Peter? Are you okay?” You asked hurriedly, grabbing his face and making him look you in the eyes. What had happened to him? You knew something had gone wrong tonight, you felt it.

“I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean too. One second he wasn’t there and it was just me and him and then he was and the next thing I knew… Oh god, I’m so sorry.” Peter babbled incoherently, tears streaming down his face. You pulled him into your arms, stroking his back as he sobbed against your shoulder. You murmured words of comfort, not seizing your movements until you felt him calm down and his breathing had returned to normal.

“I’m going to go and get the first aid kit from the bathroom and fetch you some dry clothes and a towel, okay?” You held his shoulders and looked him in the eye, patiently waiting until you knew he understood you. Peter gave a minute nod. “I’ll be back in a second, get out of those wet clothes.”

You quickly collected the kit, towel and the smallest clothes Bucky owned that you could find. They would likely to still be too big, but it was better than the wet ones Peter was currently wearing. When you got back into your bedroom, Peter was still laid on the bed but now in his boxers and he watched as you walked over and sat on the side of the bed.

“I’ll be as gentle as I can.” You told him, softly. You didn’t really have any idea about first aid, but you did your best. You cleaned up the cut on his temple and taped it over with a couple of small strips of surgical tape, and then applied cream a cream which was mean to reduce pain and swelling to the giant bruise on his side. Eventually you help Peter dry off and get into the sweats you brought him, deciding to leave the t-shirt for now as it caused a flair of pain whenever he tried to get it on.

“Can you tell me what happened?” You asked when you were finally settled on your bed, curled up on Peter’s good side. You could see tears starting to build up in Peter’s eyes as he thought about it again, and you immediately wiped them away with your thumbs. “It’s okay, you don’t have to worry about telling me anything. I’m here for you.”

Peter took a deep breath and began telling the story.

Peter and Ned were heading down the road, talking about the Death Star lego model they wanted to make when they got back to Peter’s apartment. It was 3000 pieces and the two boys were nerding out, excited to build it up together. When they got nearer the corner, another two men came around the corner and Peter recognised one of them as Clint and he was with a dark skinned man Peter hadn’t seen before, but assumed he was one of the people on ‘Steve’s side’. Peter nudged Ned and gestured for them to cross the road to avoid conflict when Clint noticed them.

“Hey, its Stark’s little pet!” Clint called out, laughing. The man who was with him knocked him disapprovingly, but Clint ignored him and headed in Peter’s direction.

“Look I just want to go home, I’m not part of this fight.” Peter held his hands up in defence, stuttering nervously. Clint stared him down.

“You became part of this when you joined Tony Stark.”

“Clint!” The man shouted, coming over and placing a hand on Clint’s shoulder, which the man immediately shrugged off.

“This is our side of town.” Clint said, still looking malicious. Peter glanced towards Ned who looked just as nervous as Peter felt.

“I live a few blocks from here, I didn’t realise you had sides.” Peter told him, not knowing what to do. “I mean, I thought you were friends with Natasha.” This seemed like the wrong thing to say as Clint’s eyes darkened.

“Natasha has nothing to do with this. She isn’t Tony’s pet, she just agreed with him rather than Steve.” Clint stepped even closer, squaring up to him. Peter felt trapped, there wasn’t anything Ned would be able to do that he couldn’t, and it seemed Clint wouldn’t listen to his friend.

“I don’t want any trouble.” Peter pushed Clint back slightly, trying to get some space, without realising his own strength and Clint stumbled backwards. Clint was now angry, glaring at Peter.

“Clint…” The other man said warningly. Clint didn’t listen, he was focused on Peter, thinking that Peter was starting to get physical, when in reality he didn’t want any conflict. Suddenly, Clint came rushing towards Peter, knocking him into the ground and Peter immediately went onto the offensive. They struggled, Peter managing to get the upper hand and get back onto his feet. Clint held his fists up, immediately getting back into a fight and it was all Peter could do to block his assault. Suddenly, the next thing he knew the other man came into the fray, trying to split the two men up.

Peter didn’t realise what he’d done until it had happened. One second, Clint’s fist was aiming for his face and he was trying to block him, the next, Peter was missing Clint completely and his own fist hit the other man in the face knocking him backwards from the force of it and falling to the ground. He cracked his head on the wall beside them, crumpling to the ground unconscious with blood pouring out of his skull.

He stared at the man, freezing in panic. What had he done? He heard Clint call out the man’s name, Sam, and the next thing he knew he was on the ground, Clint kicking him in the stomach. Vaguely, he heard Ned say he was going to get help, but he couldn’t focus on anything but the blinding pain in his side. Finally, it stopped, and Peter wasted no time in scrambling up of the sidewalk, ignoring the calls of the bystanders who had just turned up, and rushing away from the scene, sobbing all the way.

“I didn’t know where to go so I just wandered around a while until I ended up here.” Peter finished, now crying again. “I didn’t mean to hurt him, Y/N. I swear.”

You stayed silent for a moment, trying to process the information. You knew Clint was short-tempered and a hot head but you never expected him to do anything like that. Although, this explained why Steve and Bucky ran out suddenly, and why Wanda wasn’t answering any of your messages.

“Y/N?” Peter asked timidly, and you realised you hadn’t said anything since Peter finished.

“This is a mess.” You said finally, not knowing what else to say.

“I know, I didn’t want any of this to happen.” Peter cried. “These people are your family and I love you so much, I don’t want you to be hurt. I love you.”

“I love you too. This hasn’t changed, it was an accident.” You said immediately, realising what Peter was struggling with. He was afraid you didn’t love him anymore. You held his face in your hands, kissing him on the forehead. “I will love you until the day I die.”

Once Peter had calmed down again, you laid on your bed silently, basking in each other’s comfort. You didn’t know what was going to happen now, whether Sam would live or die, or what it meant for you and Peter, but you tried to forget about all of that for a moment.

Eventually you knew you had to get up, to make sure no one came into your room and found Peter there, but it was a while before you got the energy to sit up. Even then, Peter convinced you to continue laying with him, needing you to stay and you relented with the compromise that at the first sign of someone coming home that you’d be getting up.

The next thing you knew Steve was waking you both up with an angry shout.

[charinar-bct]

Massive Update Dump

The above image shows the process as Samy and I are making the one phygital aspect that we can make: the box. This particular box that we are building is the safe that will contain the digital device that the participants have agreed to lock away while they are in our VR experience. This box is the phygital aspect of our experience as the team plans on mapping this box within the game as the same place in real life. As in where it is in real life, the box will also be in VR, so it matches. If it was possible, we would have liked to make this possible for various other items too, but it can't be done with our limited time and experience so we are making do with what we have. (improvise, adapt, overcome -) Regardless, Samy decided that it would be a better plan to make the wooden box to be the safe rather than buying a real metal safe, or buying a cardboard box because of price and quality. @vaanibct​ helped us by giving us her left over MDF and helped laser cut the box with an illustrator file as she has had prior experience, and because we had to get the box right on the first try due to lack of resources, we really needed the help and we were so grateful. The box/safe was designed so that the edges would click together like puzzle pieces, but we still used wood glue for further strength. @samy-bct​ goes into more detail about this in his blog (here).

The above image is a quick drawing of the main suspect, and the little girl. The little girl is standing in front of a graffiti board and is wearing her signature red ribbon; it can also be observed that the creepy bear in the corner is also wearing a red ribbon. I personally like the censored versions as I feel like it takes away the identity and adds a bit more mystery and tension in my opinion, but the options of censored and not are there so yeah, I finished these drawings along with the others below.

The above image shows a messy collage of various other in-game drawings that I drew, varying from sticky notes, to detective journal pages, news report, random pieces of artwork that could be hung on the wall,  etc. which will mainly be used in the detective’s home base

And here are some more that are book covers, and book pages, specifically those that would be used in the kid’s room and the bottom right are pages for the photo album in the kidnapper's room. As seen in the top right image of the park, that is the final drawn image of the concept sketch from a previous blog

The above image is the kidnapper’s puzzle that will be left in the child's bedroom and it will need to be solved by the players.

I have been drawing non-stop lately and I am very exhausted but I know that this is a key role in the group and I really want to do well as the only year 2 in the group, I don't want to let the group down. In saying this, I have to redo the video storyboard as my little brother spilt his drink on it accidentally, but that just means that along with these digital drawings, I have to redo the storyboard which I was doing on paper. All of these were created using either photoshop, illustrator, FireAlpaca or a mix of these.

[anneedmonds]

Life Update: Christmas Is Not A Holiday

Happy New Year everyone! I wasn’t supposed to be back at work until at least the 7th January (preferably the 14th) but then I remembered that my life update goes out on the third of every month and my superstitious nature won’t let me bend the rules and postpone it.

So here I am, popping back, most likely for a rant about Christmas hospitality and the pointlessness of turkey but also to tell you how many times my children have sneezed and/or coughed directly into my mouth since we last spoke on the 23rd December.

Seven times.

I have also been ridden like a horse whilst trying to scrub stains from the living room carpet, had my eyes poked when I’ve least expected it in a new game that seems to be called “EYES! MOUTH! MAMA!” and accidentally stuck my hand into a nappy filled with yellow poo.

Why do we ever think that Christmas is going to be a holiday? A break? Christmas is not a holiday.

Yes it’s different, because it’s noisy and pine-scented and we have visitors and it’s all jolly and festive and we get to spend unadulterated, unbroken time with our families or children; but at the same time it’s actually harder work than being at proper work. It’s noisy, it’s pine-scented, there are visitors, constant streams of them, and we have to spend unadulterated, unbroken time with our families or children. Hohoho.

I’m bloody knackered, I tell you. I’m knackered and I just want to go to the toilet on my own for more than eighteen seconds. Some things just can’t be achieved in eighteen seconds and it starts to play havoc with your insides. Especially if your insides are formed of 76% hard cheese and 24% Lindt. And that’s another thing; it’ll take me virtually until next Christmas to be able to wear any of my normal clothes – I’m currently housed in a maternity kimono because I can’t pull on my trousers past my knees and all of my jumpers and tops suddenly look (very unfashionably) cropped. I’ve been hovering over the “buy” button on Me+Em because they have loads of slouchy tracksuit bottoms in the sale but really I should just stop eating chocolate truffles for lunch (eleven truffles = substantial energy boost) and then I could just wear the stuff I already own. Which would make more sense.

The thing is (whispers): I don’t even really like Christmas food. A bit of turkey with some cranberry sauce and gravy all floating within the world’s biggest Yorkshire pudding and that would do me. And before you all gasp in horror that I would dare to have Yorkshire pudding on Christmas day and not strictly with beef then let me remind you that a Yorkshire pudding is pretty much the only element of a roast dinner that’s worth eating. Everything else is just boring old fare you could have at any time – carrots? Oh, woo-hoo. Brussel sprouts? Don’t even get me started on them. They’re a form of punishment and not a vegetable.

Red cabbage is just a fancy, more prettily-coloured way to dole out cigar-flavoured slop and I can’t honestly see the point in slaving away over roast potatoes, spooning goose fat over them every six-point-two-five minutes precisely (Mr AMR) and then triple-roasting them in a colander with a blow-torch and a fire extinguisher or whatever it is that goes on. I’d rather have mash. In fact, next year that’s what I’m going to have. Chicken and mash. The chicken will be juicier than the turkey, the mash will require less effort than the roasted potatoes (although Mr AMR will actually divorce me) and we can have some garden peas on the side. Job done.

Less washing up, at any rate. None of the trays and dishes and gravy jugs and other bits and pieces that you don’t use at all for the other 364 days of the year ever fit into the dishwasher, which means that you actually have to use the sink, and the trays and dishes and gravy jugs just keep on coming. The grease! The burnt-on bits of stuff! It’s enough to make you want to have a long lie down…

I have to say though; Angelica and Ted have been an absolute joy. Even at the meltdown times when we’ve all had cabin fever and got a bit shouty, they’ve been great value for money. Angelica understood what Christmas was this year – including the part about Baby Cheeses, which I think must be Baby Jesus, which is something they must have discussed at nursery at great length because she knows all about a thief in the market being a bad man and Baby Cheeses being a good man.

Any man called Baby Cheeses is going to be a good man, to be fair; you’re not going to be a villain with a name like that.

“Bow down before me, mortals!”

“Oh God, Simon, it’s that dark overlord the angels warned us about! The one who’ll lead us into temptation and basically get us all killed!”

“Bow down before me and prepare to meet thy destiny, wretched, putrid people of the earth!”

“Oh Simon, what are we to do? He’s hideous! His face is a mass of worms and his arms are made of snakes!”

“Rub your faces into the soil, mortals, and brace yourselves for an eternity of pain and suffering, for I am Baby Cheeses!”

It just wouldn’t work.

Other malapropisms from Angelica:

“Mummy, please warm up my pyjamas on the alligator.” / “Mummy I’ve dropped my colouring book down the back of the alligator!” And my favourite of the moment, “colesnore” instead of “coleslaw”.

Ted (a month shy of being two years old) is making a hell of a lot of racket but there are no new properly-formed words yet – we have Dada, Mama, Gaga (Angelica), Bear (Mr Bear), Woof Woof (Dexter) and Vroom (car), but everything else is still a bit of an aural blur. Weirdly, Angelica seems to know exactly what he’s saying at all times and so acts as a translator, even though she’s learnt to bend her translations to suit her own needs.

“What’s he saying, Angelica?”

“Ted says he wants to share a gingerbread man with me Mummy!”

Life with two small children seems to sometimes be a relentless carousel of providing snacks, mopping up spilt drinks, shouting “I said DON’T CLIMB ON THAT!” and picking Paw Patrol stickers from the woodwork. When some friends visited just before Christmas with their own children, I realised that the adults were all dancing around the children’s dinner table like medieval servers or jesters. Passing cups, wiping spills, fetching more meat or distracting one of them so that the other could retrieve their fork or spoon without starting a small diplomatic catastrophe. Even the dog slunk around under the table catching bits of fallen bacon fat or potato, looking like a baron’s hound returned from a hunt.

But I have to say that as I saw in the New Year (entirely sober, on the sofa, eating a Mint Magnum) I realised that there isn’t a single thing I want more than this – I have absolutely everything I need within the four walls of my house. Of course, to stay sane and for personal fulfilment there are scores of work goals and other bits and pieces I’d like to manage (and obviously we need money to keep the four walls around us from crumbling down and to eat) but on a fundamental, “meaning of life” sort of level, I had a kind of epiphany. The children were sleeping upstairs, Mr AMR was flicking between Netflix, Amazon Prime and Now TV in the annoying way that makes me want to smash him over the top of the head with a griddle pan and the dog and cat were lying in front of the fire, and I just had an overwhelming sensation of calm. This is it, I thought. This is what I’ve been waiting for.

Anyway, then I got a text from Google saying that someone from Milton Keynes had attempted to access my Youtube account and then I suddenly realised I’d left the damp washing in the washing machine for six whole days so that killed the mood somewhat, but for a few seconds, everything was completely right with the world. My stars had aligned, or whatever the phrase is. Hopefully my Dad was up there with the stars, aligning them, probably really moodily, shouting at them in his broad Scottish accent (“Get tae f*ck ye stupid stars with ye stupid bright blindin’ lights!”) and I would have preferred for him to have been somewhat closer, but you can’t have everything you wish for. No matter how hard you wish for it.

Right, that’s me until next week. This was just a brief pop-in because a) I can’t ever be late with a Life Update  post and b) I didn’t want you all to forget me. Our nanny started back today (I’ve actually increased the days from two to three days a week for a few months because I have a huge project I’m finishing off) and so I’m going to do really relaxing things like tidy and sort out the airing cupboard and find the missing statements that my accountant needs. I’m actually missing Ted and Angelica, even though I can hear them in the distance, bashing the ride-on plastic car into the kitchen cabinets and slamming the doors – isn’t it funny how you can feel so overwhelmed one minute, desperate for just the shortest of breaks, and then so needy and guilty the next?

Tell me about your Christmas “breaks” and “holidays”: has anyone actually managed to relax? Because I’m beginning to remember Christmas life pre-kids and that wasn’t any less hectic either: as the most portable, flexible adults, we were required to do what was known as the Festive Tour, which meant driving around the UK like lunatics stopping off at various friends’ and relatives’ houses to sleep on camp beds and sofa pull-outs. And loads and loads of sustained, low-level alcohol consumption, rather like at a wedding, so that we were never fully pissed but just always kind of groggy and blurry and tired. I used to get to January 2nd and feel as though I needed to take a bath in Berocca and now I feel the same but for very different reasons! Tell me all: I await your anecdotal material with a level of enthusiasm that’s not quite proper.

The post Life Update: Christmas Is Not A Holiday appeared first on A Model Recommends.

Life Update: Christmas Is Not A Holiday was first posted on January 3, 2019 at 12:05 pm. ©2018 "A Model Recommends". Use of this feed is for personal non-commercial use only. If you are not reading this article in your feed reader, then the site is guilty of copyright infringement. Please contact me at contact@amodelrecommends.com Life Update: Christmas Is Not A Holiday published first on https://medium.com/@SkinAlley

[cloudmonstachopper]

biiig chiimquisitor update!

With a few cameos about my warden, Cloudy (and maybe about my champion Mishka too)

Leliana says something about Briala having had a past with Celenne and Chiim is basically like DIRTY COURT GOSSIP???? TELL ME MORE shameless

When asked who to bring along, it basically went like this: I can’t NOT take Vivienne to a BALL please!! And Dorian? Oh, he’ll love it! He deserves a treat anyways, I’ve dragged him through such “dreadful” areas. And Varric! He’ll be sure to wind some fun tales from the evening.

Chiim in formal clothes was amazing. But like. Vivienne trying to wrestle them into it. Dorian dying of laughter on the couch in the background. Chiim: WHY IS THIS JUST A SEVEN FOOT LENGTH OF BLUE FABRIC. WHAT DO I DO WITH IT. IS IT TO TIE UP MY ENEMIES? Vivienne: nO INQUISITOR THAT IS YOUR SASH AND CUMBERBUND M A K E R PLS They manage to finally get Chiim into the tunic. But they weren’t having it with the pants, Chiim won the battle and got to wear thigh-high travel-worn boots with like. Kneepads. Amazing. Truly a LookTM. Chiim fashion at its finest.

Josie: Before you enter the ballroom... you EVERY WORD AND ACTION WILL BE JUDGED SO YOU’D BEST BE ON YOUR BEST BEHAVIOR Chiim: sooo no jumping on the furniture like a goat then, I take it? Josie: *nearly has a stroke* please don’t

Empress: We look forward to watching you dance Chiim: *internally* “we look forward to watching you dance” yeah they just wanna be assholes and see how in the wooooorld someone dances with such ‘heavy monstrosities’ on their head hAVE THEY EVEN SEEN THEIR OWN HATS y’all just racist assholes what a pile of pricks Chiim: A pleasure. If you’ll excuse me *bows gracefully and scuttles away*

Chiim: So, Yvette, any FUN STORIES ABOUT JOSIE???? *nearly bouncing up and down in excitement* Yvette: oh, there was that time when we were ten- Josie: NO Yvette: or how about that time you accidentally melted- Josie: STOP Yvette: or that time you spilt sauce all over- Josie: YveTTE Yvette: she still plays with her dolls when no one’s looking!! Josie: *covering yvette’s mouth and laughing* I DON’T KNOW WHAT SHE’S TALKING ABOUT

Apparently full white masks were used in orlesian theater for roles with no clear gender. I mean I know they’re talking about spirits. But. I’m just saying. If Chiim had an orlesian mask, it would be a full white one.

Chiim: oh look, cullen is surrounded by ladies. Ladies: would you like a drink? a dance? Cullen: No thank you, I’m not thirsty. Chiim: and he has no idea they’re flirting with him in the SLIGHTEST. I’d best go save him.

Chiim: *wandering the balconies* an awful lot of drinks and bottles scattered around on this table for an empty balcony... hrm... I SUSPECT A MEETING HAS OCCURRED HERE it later turned out that’s where gaspard hangs out so he probs met with florianne there

Chiim: these elvhen servants are literally leaving blood tracks behind I mean seriously????? even I can tell???? I thought the game was supposed to be subtle

Dorian: *reminiscing about tevinter balls* It’s lacking only a few sacrificial slaves and some blood magic! But the night IS young Chiim: *just raises eyebrow* Dorian: ooh, but you ought to dance with me before we go Chiim: *is SO OVER IT bc still reeling from WOW ORLESIAN ASSHOLES* hm Dorian: *cajoles* Chiim: okay, m a y b e Dorian: you sure you don’t want to dance with the evil magister? it’d certainly be s h o c k i n g~ Chiim: mmm tempting Dorian: if you could find me ten silk scarves I’ve got a dance that would REALLY shock them *wink wonk* Chiim: good thing I’m a rogue and every lady is wearing twenty-seven then, I’ll be back in a jiffy ;D

Chiim: psssst dorian, distract everybody in this courtyard while I climb this terrace! Dorian: that’ll need to be quite a big distraction then, to pry everyone away from the qunari inquisitor, IN dress clothes, climbing a terrace during the great ball NOT TO MENTION providing everyone with a great view of dat ass Chiim: so? Dorian: already on it dear

Leliana’s obsession with shoes is very intelligent and I love her. In other news: !!!!!! M O R R I G A N AHHHHHH

Chiim: *is impatient and jumps on a couch to reach some incriminating papers on the table* Courtiers: ooh that inquisitor, he must have some sort of... strength to make up for his BOORISH manners *loses a point of approval* Chiim: Josie’s gonna kill me

Chiim plays the politics game, does really nice. Back at the keep everyone is like !!! wow, I was really impressed!! I didn’t know you could pull that off???? Chiim: heh, yeah, Dorian and Vivienne and Leliana coached me in niceties and playacting (and Leliana in some added ShenanigansTM) Josie: AND YOU STILL JUMPED ON THE FURNITURE Chiim: *deadpan* you can take the ox outta the qunari, but you can’t take the gOAT OUTTA THE CHIIMQUISITOR *runs* Josie: *proceeds to ream chiimquisitor out for approx. 2hr*

Florianne: do you know who can be trusted? Chiim, a person who naturally trusts almost everyone and is weak to growing attached to people: *lies through their teeth* if there’s anything I’ve learned, it’s to trust no one

At the ball, and Josie’s all “ohooo! You’ll be the talk of the court for months! We should take you dancing more often!” Chiim: clearly she hasn’t heard about my furniture jumping escapades yet

“Are we going to sneak around the empress’ unmentionables NOW? haha, just how drunk are you, boss?” Varric has officially adopted the Chiimquisitor #CONFIRMED

Chiim: *hears screams for help in the next room* Chiim: *busts into next room, finds harlequin assassin about to take out an elf* Chiim: *just straight up KICKS THE HARLEQUIN OUT THE WINDOW NBD* Chiim: Are you okay? Sorry bout that, my protection instincts kicked in and I just... well. I did say they *kicked* in. Heh. Heheheheh. Varric: Andraste’s bloomers but that was a bad one

Chiim: *fucks things up and talks to morrigan and feels SLIGHTLY better bc liason but also fucked up things for the elves* Dorian: *side-eyes morrigan SO HARD as he walks in WHO IS FLIRTING WITH HIS CHIIMQUISITOR N O W GDI* Dorian: so you charmed the dowager and she wants to marry you to one of her daughters. Told her you’d already left Chiim: (oh thank god) Dorian: You can thank me later. Or now. But you look lost in thought. Something on your mind? Chiim: I fucked up, Dorian. I fucked up bad and now I’m sad but I’ve made the best of a shitty situation. *hunches in on themselves, sighs* Dorian: clearly you need to be distracted. Let’s dance? Chiim: *isn’t a dancer, is so OVER dancing, and the game, and all this shit, but... maybe it’s what they need, and they’ll give it a shot... for Dorian* Chiim: *looks up and tries a smile* I thought you’d never ask.

Chiim gets back to skyhold and IMMEDIATELY mother giselle is all up in everybody’s business and like INQUISITOR CAN I HAVE A MOMENT Chiim, internally: LET ME MOURN MY FUCKUP. LET ME MOURN IT IN PEACE. Chiim: *sighs and puts on a placating smile and tone* How can I help you, revered mother? ... Josie: yes, and we’ll take care of it LATER right now give the Chiimquisitor a BREAK Chiim: bless u, josie. b l e s s y o u

Chiim immediately bonds greatly with Morrigan, mostly over talking about her son. Chiim likes her son. Morrigan is a bit cagey about him, but also likes to talk about him. She’s a proud mother.

(Fun fact: Keiran is probs also trans because Cloudy is dfab and had babbu with Morrigan which means SHENANIGANS were at play and what I’m saying here is that Keiran takes after his trans father) (Speaking of Cloudy shenanigans, he and Zevran have a daughter. She is very cute. During the pregnancy Cloudy refused to see anyone and they disappeared off the map for about 9 months. But afterwards Cloudy comes back and is like !!!!! LOOK AT THIS SMOL!!! I MADE HER!! Zevran helped I guess WOW SHE’S SO CUTE AND GREAT AND SMART) (she grows up to be an absolute terror. Daughter of the warden commander and the leader of the antivan crows, daughter of TWO rogues, one of whom doubles as an assassin? oh pranks and things going missing FOR D A Y S ON END shenanigans never stop) (I have a lot more hcs and things about Cloudy & Zevran’s child - who has a ~mysterious~ older half-brother in keiran - but this is a chiimquisitor post so we continue with the chiimquisition) (sidebar mishka and anders don’t have any kids of their own but they totally adopt like every single child, dog, and cat that comes anywhere near them, their house is super big and always crazy and it’s fantastic; there’s also a chicken. The kids named the chicken cupcake. Main suspects for the chicken’s origin is Aunt Merrill but there have been no confirmations.)

Chiim: Will his... father, be joining us as well? Morrigan: *thinks about cloudy gallivanting off with zevran for a cure to the calling* tis... most unlikely (At that point in time, Cloudy was also experiencing the feeling of the fake calling, but was pregnant with daughter, and just blamed it on the hormones. And Zevran, of course, being neither a warden nor someone who experiences the monthly upheaval that is periods let ALONE pregnancy, just takes his word for it. Sigrun acts as their cover story, telling everyone’ they’re off investigating the calling. Totally works.) (There’s a reason Cloudy’s letter to the inquisition basically read “sounds cool but not my fight have fun I’ll vaguely support from a distance”)

Josie: so. Uh. After the events at the grand ball, apparently Florianne’s trade routes got all tied up, so they sent her over for... judgement. Chiim: Are you SERIOUS??? She’s dead! Box: *flies buzz* Josie: ...and that was the time allotted for a rebuttal. There is- forgive me. *coughs* there is... an odor. Chiim: *clears throat* WHAT FRESH LEVEL OF BULLSHITTERY Chiim: anyways I guess there’s a precedence for this so let’s just send the routes back to them aND GET RID OF THAT BOX (Chiim has clearly been spending Way Too Much time in the library with Dorian if they know about this rANDOMASS PRECEDENCE)

Chiim: I’m worried about my gardening buddy, Blackwall. Josie: Oh? Why’s that? Chiim: he took me out for drinks and then told me about how a dog was killed in his childhood and he didn’t do anything about it???? and then he got weirdly quiet and just left???? like Blackwall. What. The fuck????? Josie: that is strange Chiim: he left a letter on his rockinggriffon. I’m gonna track him down. Josie: please do. I worry about him sometimes.

(side note: if blackwall ever finishes that rockinggriffon it can be a baby shower gift for Cloudy & Zevran and their new bundle of joy heh)

Cassandra: blah blah divine I don’t know what to do but I know what i SHOULD do Chiim: hold up, if neither of you are priestesses and you can be divine, why can’t I be the divine? Cassandra: Well, you’re a man, for one. Plus I think they’re afraid of you. Chiim: Cassandra. My dear. It was a joke. I’m an atheist, tal-vashoth qunari. You couldn’t PAY me enough to be the divine.

(In all honesty though Chiim would have made for a fantastic scout, like WHO decided Chiim ought to be in charge of Politics and all these Important Things???? Cassandra why are we letting u make these decisions)

Sera: Ugh, that place. Should have thrown in some bees and slammed the door. Chiim: I dunno, seems more like a job for earwigs to me. Sera: Y E S

Chiim: *hanging out on the roof* Hey, Sera, what do you think of Dorian? Sera: You’re having it off with him, you don’t need me talking. (But I do anyway ;D) Chiim: *laughs* more than one thing is having off when I’m with him, harr harr Sera: Ew, gross! *laughs and happily bumps shoulders with Chiim*

So you know how elfroot has been lore/meta confirmed for being a recreational drug? And you know how it’s confirmed that the inquisitor has a strange obsession with it? Yeah, well only those in the inner circle know how laughable it is that Chiim indulges in the stuff: the only indulging happening here is haPPY GARDENING. heh.

Chiim: *talks to solas, mentions how much they’re torn up about briala* Solas: ... what? why do I care? oooh the elf thing, yeah, I don’t think of myself as an elf so... Chiim: I try to have a moment, why do i even try, it’s SOLAS, he’s a shitbag...

Chiim: What’s your thoughts on elvhen culture? Solas: ... ask Sera, she’s got... opinions. Chiim: I WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS SERA BASHING YOU RUDEASS SHITHOLE Solas: sorry. I’m just... jealous. Sorry. Chiim: damn right.

ps when Chiim was first learning to be an assassin 100% they would stealth, sneak up behind unsuspecting companions, stab them in the ankle with a butter knife and yell “I STAB U IN THE LEG AND ABSCOND” and laugh hysterically as they run away Dorian is just standing there like “did u just poke me with your fingernail??”

Vivienne wants the heart of this wyvern, and won’t tell Chiim what for... Chiim is slightly suspicious, but is gonna do it anyways. Meanwhile, I’m sitting here like THIS BETTER NOT BE AN ANDERS BETRAYAL AGAIN DOn’T YOU DO THAT TO ME VIVIENNE

Dorian: and now you’ve got an empress eating out of your hand, makes for a perfect mental image Chiim: (dorian what are you thinking??? is this a kink thing????) Dorian: all this dancing, murder, politics, almost makes me a bit homesick Chiim: so we should do that kind of thing again? Dorian: watch as you twist an entire empire around your little finger? *bedroom voice* ABSOLUTELY. Chiim: so it.... IS a kink thing??? I don’t get it, but ok. ... Chiim: wanna makeout against this dragon statue over here? Dorian: sure, I’m down Chiim: nice