#Victim blaming tw

[compassionatereminders]

Personality disorders are usually considered a response to a severely traumatic upbringing, so when people say "people with NPD/ASPD/BPD are inherently abusive by nature" what they're actually implying is "being a victim of abuse to the point of it permanently altering your brain will doom you to become an abuser yourself" and if you are comfortable implying that then I am kicking you and also biting

[positivityoutsiderecovery]

I'm not disabled because I'm not exercising enough. I'm not disabled because I'm not following that specific diet. I'm not disabled because I'm not spiritual enough. I'm not disabled because of my attitude. I'm not disabled because I'm too lazy to fix it. I'm not disabled because I don't always make the healthiest choice. I'm disabled because real life isn't fair and some people get unlucky.

[wings-of-fire-confessions]

Oh, so we're talking about Kingdarkstalker now? What about the fact that they're a Darkstalker apologist who kins him... not a good look. ALSO, they BLAME CLEARSIGHT for his actions. Doesn't look too good to kin a genocidal maniac and blame the VICTIM OF HIS ABUSE (because Darkstalker was literally based on Tui's abuse EX) for his behavior.

And yet, they like to say they stand for victims of abuse. Man.

And wait. There's more. They literally said they'd choke Tui to death. So it's just their talk on immaterial things that's shitty, they also like giving death threats.

Anon PMed me some evidence so I'll put it below:

Darkstalker Apologism/Victim Blaming on Behalf of Him

Death Threats

Combo

Once again, I encourage people to come to their own conclusions given this information.

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

@alllthequeenshorses (who I am having trouble tagging) asked for Bruises!

~~~

Whumpee despised them. Despised the marks, despised the indisputable proof of their weakness. If they had fought more: had been stronger they would have survived unfazed. Unmarked.

Whumper loving adored each one.

[imaginaryfriendwithbenefits]

the reactions to that Quiet On Set Nickelodeon documentary have genuinely been one of the most depressing things I've seen on the Internet in a while.

Like wow, I love seeing everyone's true crime brain hot takes about literal abused children. It's so cool how people are being harassed into outing themselves as CSA survivors. if I stumble across one more shitty depressing tiktok edit of Drake Bell and Amanda Bynes set to Put Me In A Movie by Lana Del Rey I am going to hit someone with my car. their trauma shouldn't be your entertainment and the was the whole fucking point!!!

Anyway. Survivors can't fucking win. If you don't say anything you're complicit and took the hush money and if you do you're using it as a PR stunt bc why are you only speaking up now and either way it's probably your own damn fault bc the only perfect victim is a dead one.

I want to be angry but at this point I'm just tired and sad.

[wasflypaw]

There is nothing, not a single thing an abuse victim could do to "deserve" their abuse. No matter how "annoying" they are, no matter what shenanigans they got up to that lead them to that point. It will always, entirely be the fault of the abuser for deciding to abuse and deciding to irreparably traumatize said victim. To imply a victim could "play a part" in their abuse or what lead their abuser to that point is victim blaming, plain and simple.

Taking Any responsibility away from the abusers willing decision to abuse is victim blaming, especially if they're a whole adult who should Know how to control their feelings of anger and not take them out on the first person to mildly inconvenience them

[limpfisted]

@xastarion [ THE DEVIL IS INSIDE YOU, AND YOU HAVE ALWAYS BEEN A MONSTER. HE BEARS HIS FANGS LIKE A WARD, A CROSS, AN INNOCENT VAMPIRE VIRGIN MARY SIPPING DELICATELY ON RATS, BUT A HUNTER CANNOT BE REPELLED BY PREY. ]

Wyll mentions the rats. In truth, he does not know why he does it. To test him, Wyll supposes. The same way Astarion tested him.

Do you know Cazador? Do you know me?

Of course Wyll has heard of Cazador. He's walked by his mansion, on the way to the park. He's heard other children speak of how kids go in---and they don't come out. (Wyll barely spoke to other children, but he was knocked out of his own dreams of fighting dragons and monsters by it. Sometimes, in New dreams, he fought the terrible scary ghosts and child snatchers in The Haunted Mansion. Even in his dreams, Cazador is too scary. He goes in, he does not come out.) Wyll was forced to learn the name of every magistrate. He was the son of the Grandduke. He had to, to have anything at all important to talk about with his Father.

He feels guilt, now, he didn't know the half of it. What happened in Cazador's mansion? What was Astarion forced to do for two hundred years?

He cannot imagine. He wants to see Astarion as the flouncy little twink with the charming smile, whose feathers he ruffles.

He doesn't want him to be a vampire, much less an abused vampire spawn.

But he is. Loathe as he is to admit it, as much as Wyll is charmed by him---and relishes in any attention that Astarion gives him to the point of tugging on his pigtails---Astarion is and always will be a vampire spawn.

Dangerous. With a lust for blood. (Wyll finds a lust for blood attractive in an ally---but, Astarion could so easily turn his fangs on an innocent. Wyll knows, because he often fears he will do the same because of Mizora.)

He has been waiting, he thinks, since the moment he first saw Astarion, the pale of his milk white skin and ash grey of his soft, luxurious hair----to draw his blade on him.

In fact, perhaps the monster in him was biding his time for just this moment. Waiting for the opportunity to draw his blade at the glint of ferocity in his eye---at the sharp intake of breath, revealing teeth.

Out comes the sword. No turning back. Provoke the blade, suffer its sting.

"Do you want to kill me? Do you want to bite me, Astarion? You can taste my blood, like you tasted Tav's, if you like. As long as you let my blade taste yours."

He is a hunter. That is what Mizors made him. And while Astarion never chose to eat rats... Wyll chose his contract, and he has not chosen to break it.

[one-abuse-survivor]

Hello. Al anon here. I am sincerely sorry by the ammount of asks that I do.

I wish that I wouldn't have the reason to write this for longer than a few days after my second ask.

This is mostly a rant. There are mentions of threats so if you need or don't want to read about those feel free to discard this post.

I have said before that I haven't gotten into the verbal and emotional abuse my parents do. Since my first ask I could see bmuch better and recognize the things that they are doing and it is really bad.

My mother doesn't even flinch on name calling me. She called me scrungy when I told her I want to save up money and didn't hesitate to call me slurs. From cow to bitch, calling me lazy or selfish when I don't do what she want to. The worst part is that she is doing this even in front of strangers. When my brother brought her girlfriend they teamed up on me and then joked about how I was leaving the room so soon.

Also for some reason she feels like yelling at me (Because she can since she is my parent) and have toxic remarks. (Like the fact she said to me yesterday after I said that I will study that maybe if I closed the game that I would actually do something, which given I am at the moment sick and was dealing with mental breakdown just put salt into the injury) She loves to say that I am the whole reason why my adulthood is so hard despite the fact that most o the time I have to stop what I am doing to deal with the stuff that she has done to me, said to me or didn't do and yet this is what she frames as her love, as her caring for me. That "If she didn't love me, she wouldn't insult me and would not care about me at all"

And even that is very hardly true. She takes caring of my basic cares like... giving me food or fixing my winter jacket as privileges. I am privileged to have parents who provide food and clothes for their child and that I am disrespectful because I have stopped taking her "jokes" (Insults aimed at me or hidden threats of taking stuff from me such as phone) and stopped reacting to them. She yelled at me and said I am spoiled and that I have so many privileges. (As mentioned before basically the basic needs a parent should provide)

Sometimes she does even lie. Like saying that I have the freedom to say my opinion, despite the fact that when I just voiced I would need to get shoes after I have seen that the spending habits have changes she went on complete tantrum yelling at me, make fun of me saying I will learn one day how to ride a car and then accusing me of not talking about them with this issue, which I literally did before she threw the tantrum....

I also know this is intentional because every time she does something like that I can be sure she will be love bombing me for couple hours. She never apologises, she explains her behavior or puts the blame on me. (In better case) in other case she doesn't even acknowledge the situation. It is really apparent that she is trying to hold her control over me. Especially because now she is aiming at my phone and my social media, where most of my friends are who emotionally suport me in this situation.

The worst part is, that now that I know this is abuse and I am no longer taking the abuse or trying to engage, because mental health is already damaged and I don't want to continue this, my mother have gotten worse and worse. Now it is slowly moving to threats. That "she will tear my head off" if I won't talk to her or if "I want her and my father to stop the privileges that we are giving to you"(Which you can read as do you want us to pull away even the basic care we give you) and I will be honest. I am starting to get afraid how far they will go, especially because the threats are starting to get common and I haven't even done anything to them. I was just silent and I tried my best to not react to them and the feeling of not feeling safe in the household that I am in is rising and it is so hard to even think where it could go on from the threats.

Hey again! There's nothing to apologise for regarding the amount of asks, but I'm also sorry that you're in a situation where you need to reach out so often.

Gosh, I'm sorry things have escalated so much. You've had to endure so much verbal and emotional abuse, as well as horrifying threats and insults. No one deserves to be treated like this. No one deserves to be this scared for their safety.

I'm glad you can recognise that all of this is abuse, and that your struggles are a consequence of you being traumatised, and not proof that you're worthless like they're trying to make you believe. I hope you're proud of yourself for recognising their abuse. It's not an easy thing to do.

I understand how helpless it feels to not know how to react to abuse, because even showing no reaction at all is taken as the "incorrect reaction" and met with even more abuse. The unsafety that comes from knowing there's literally nothing you can do to placate them when they're abusing you is extremely traumatic, and I wouldn't wish it upon anyone. I'm so sorry they're putting you through this 😞

I hope things haven't escalated more since you sent this :( sending a big big virtual hug your way ❤️

[just-a-whumping-racoon-with-wifi]

Imagine your whumpee getting roped into going to a ‘self defense’ seminar. How do they respond?

Does it give them a slight sense of confidence? At least something to try?

Or does it leave them trying to hold in tears at the back of the room, finally learning what about them seem so easy to hurt.

[primowishes]

w/ @anomieheld {x}

How ridiculous, he thought as the girl stepped back. Elyon had nowhere to go but the solid wall; did she believe herself capable of dissolving to mist, escaping through the very cracks?

Of course Dottore knew that was not the case. It was a reaction most disgustingly--and amusingly--human, to stay away from that which hurt them even when their chances were less than hopeless. She recovered surprisingly quick from the drugs that he tested on her--and the more she proved that, at the very least, the more he saw the utility in her as a subject.

So many of his experiments ended in death all because he misjudged the tolerance of the subject, or because the substance itself was far too toxic in their systems.

"I have been exceptionally patiently, do you realize that, girl?" With a wave of his fingers, he summoned a polearm. Hovering in the air, its point aimed directly at the center of her collarbone. "Of course, I do believe that humans are well capable of making better choices, don't you?"

The labs were a labyrinth themselves. Without help or luck, little escapees had no chance of making it out; Dottore was certain of that.

"Now, will you make the better choice? Or must I remind you of the consequences for your acting uncooperative?" he asked. "I do not run a daycare here."

[lycankeyy]

I know that they're Fictional Characters but I don't think ever squinted harder at a post than someone saying "none of this would've happened if (movie) Vanessa just snitched on her dad as a kid" . Like,,,,, dude

[compassionatereminders]

The other day was "narc abuse awareness day" and I had to see so much BS and ableism against us (those w NPD) and shit about how we "can't be hurt" (perpetuates abuse against us) calling us "inhuman" and literally giving advice on how to abuse us and it's just ?? Disgusting to see people talk about how it's fine to abuse us cos we can't get hurt and are just so evil :/ this is literally a disorder caused by trauma in the vast majority of cases!!! I've been personally accused of lying about my abuse because of my NPD and in fact had my abuse justified BECAUSE of my NPD by my abuser so it's just :/ fucked up

No like I HATE the "narcissistic abuse" awareness because there are zero abusive behaviors which are actually exclusive to people with clinical NPD. Like you can SO EASILY talk about emotional abuse and psychological abuse and guilt tripping and love bombing and gaslighting without acting like only people with a certain mental illness are ever guilty of such behaviors.

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

I saw a transphobe argue that "Why do women get raped? Because they're small and weak compared to their (male) attackers" and.... Wow, that was sure a read! Women get raped because they're small and weak and pathetic and can't fight and definitely not because rapists exist. Victim blaming much!? I asked them to explain why my I still got raped even though my rapist was smaller than me and they replied with "Because she was born a woman". Note that I never mentioned the gender or sex of my rapist. And when I asked what made them think my rapist was a woman, they blocked me lmao. Crazy.

Yeah I see that take from them so often and idk how they do not fucking hear themselves. It’s not always that women “can’t fight men off bc they’re small and weak”, sometimes victims literally just freeze and physically can’t move. That can happen with victims of any gender too, and women rape men also. Rapists’ mindsets are the problem, not their strength, gender or sex. Cis men are statistically more likely to be rapists than anyone else, but that’s because of the mindset far too many of them have.

It’s ironic though that they tried to argue your rapist was “born a woman” seeing as they also will often try and claim afab people “don’t have the parts or desire to rape”.

I’m so sorry that happened to you though, anon 💔

[throughdarkeningskies]

something that haunts me about soulmate aus are domestic violence proceedings. Is there a 'soulmate defence'? that it couldn't have been 'that bad' because it was your soulmate? if a non-soulmate abuses you, is it seen as 'your fault' because they aren't your soulmate? is there a taboo around being single for that reason? as in why does the universe think you shouldn't have a soulmate, what's wrong with you? how does that affect aro/ace people? how does that need to not be single contribute to the exact problem of being afraid to leave an abusive situation?

just. the slow, creeping horror of realising that your soulmate is abusing you. that this is what the universe intends for you. that your ultimate lifelong destiny is to be an emotional punching bag for someone else. and that if you leave, no one will believe you, or even help you, because, after all, that's your soulmate.

what do you even do?

[nerves-nebula]

Wouldn't it be funny if. If Dpnnie blamed himself for what happened with Abe. But then, sometime after or near the farmhouse or smthn, he stops and the whole situation, while still awful and dragging on his health, feels less like a lead weight in his brain he has to avoid to not poison him.

And then they, probably Mikey or Raph, get Leo to talk about what they saw with Splinter. And all Donnie hears is Leo making excuses for Splinter and blaming only himself (and boy does some of the stuff he says about himself here remind him of a particular conversation they had had years ago now-) and Donnie's thoughts? They creep up, slither around his brain and squeeze, and like gouache reactivated with water, self-blame too intersects the wrinkles and cracks of his mind as his own prior major situation falls like a rock into the front of his head.

He should leave now. Memories pound on his internal vault door, seeping through and showing themselves off with a wicked grin to pair with their wicked badge of honour. But it's Leo who's airing his issues right now, which should be focused on and helped. It'd be unfair- unfair and rude- for him to leave when Leo is just now feeling confident enough to tell them this kind of stuff, especially when it's so so difficult.

So he stays, and he listens, and his brain listens too. And he doesn't think he'll ever forget what Leo says, wholly blaming himself.

For a moment, Donnie thinks again, 'Maybe it was my fault too.'

yeah that would be really funny >:) that'd be hilarious >:)

[proudfreakmetarusonniku]

anyway necessary abuse analysis after I watched the episode bc like. c’mon I cannot avoid that.

as of episode 12, obviously i do not know much about ozai, azula (I am spoiled to hell on this show i know she exists), and even really zuko (i was not expecting him to be that obviously a child at that moment jesus fucking Christ) but i think there’s a lot you can gather from specifically the dynamic of abuse set up.

ozai clearly sees his children as extensions of himself- less as people and more as status symbols he can throw out if they stop working. and that’s really shown in the way zuko was abused. not just the very obvious severe physical abuse- not only did he severely and painfully scar his like twelve? maybe? year old son, but he likely at the very least also severely hampered his vision (look at his eye, it’s noticeably unable to open properly where the scar tissue is) and disabled him for life)- but specifically how it was set up to publicly humiliate zuko.

the agni kai was a public spectacle- there’s so many people in the audience, it’s horrifying to think about (though thankfully it seems that it's not entirely common knowledge)- one where he humiliated and degraded zuko for his lack of “honour”- which was him showing compassion and him being a child who loved his father and was terrified of hurting him and just wanted to know how to fix things. it’s a very calculated, deliberate act of abuse, and considering the severity it almost certainly was not the first instance- in fact, zuko's immediate apologetic behaviour and terror at the idea of his father seems to suggest he's been abused before, being (understandable) trauma responses.

i think the way azula acts supports this even further- she’s not at all surprised at the, again, very very severe and visceral physical abuse happening in front of her, only reacting by grinning. she has seen this before. not to this extent, nothing that left scars- or at least, obvious ones- perhaps not even prior physical abuse, but her brother being humiliated and made to feel small and worthless in front of her is something that is simply normal to her. zuko gets abused, and she watches proud that it isn’t her. it’s abusive to her too, in that sense- it’s a threat of violence, if she ever makes her father lose face. their existence is to make their father look good and to be useful- and if they aren’t, they’ll be discarded in the cruellest of ways. that is just something the two grew up knowing, one way or another.

and like, this is clearly why zuko is like that. he’s obsessed with honour because that is a tool that has clearly been used against him to justify his fathers abuse even before this- it’s an ideal he strives for because he thinks it’ll make him worthy of love. and that’s all he wants, for his dad to love him, because he is still a teenager and inherently trusts his parents and blames himself for his own abuse because of that. if he was abused and discarded, it’s his fault in his mind. he needs to fix it, he's the problem in the family. he's fixated so heavily on it because he’s convinced that it’s the only way anyone would ever love or care for him at all- and even the love his uncle shows him can’t convince him otherwise, because he can't accept the idea that he even deserves it. zuko might appear cocky, but he’s the opposite- he’s been brought up to view himself and his worth only in the value he served his father, and cut off from that he sees himself as someone worthless, someone completely unlovable, and he's desperate to fix it, because he views it as his moral failure.

i just. ugh. fucking hell. i am killing ozai with my bare hands those are children those are Tiny how can you look at like young Zuko and fucking do that he’s so obviously a child and it’s so clear this is not the first time this has happened and I’m killing and maiming. ow.