#WHAT IF I DONT WANT TO GO WITH YOU RIGHT THERE? WHAT ABOUT MY BOUNDRIES?

[parisbytaylorswift]

Today on roommate saga:

I have to piss so bad because I’ve been drinking a lot of water today after getting my booster in order to avoid any bad side affects.

But dumbass roommate I hate interacting with the most is fiddling around taking off her makeup and doing some kind of 20 step skin care routine in the bathroom and I want to KILL HER

[tannieastrology]

Solar Return Observations #2🌻💛

🌼💛Just an update so far, I have a 5th house stellium in my chart this year and life has felt so carefree. Life made me get rid of my old crush and made me focus on myself for a while(Pluto) until just friday I met someone new unexpectedly(Vertex). I havent felt this feeling in almost 3 years its really exhilarating feeling like this and I actually have a good feeling about it. It felt like I was meant to cross paths with him at this point in my life right now because im actually focused on my higher self. I feel that Vertex along with other major planets like the Sun, Mars, Mercury, Pluto, and POF made meeting him feel fated because for one ever since Ive met him ive consequently crossed paths with him multiple times in just the span of 3 days. Its not a deep connection however(5th house) but I hope to beat the odds and make something out of it. So overall, Ive had lots of fun, peace, and new interests in love.

🌼💛So I recently just discovered this, but you can go and find your monthly/daily transit chart and overlap it to your natal or solar return chart to see how your school, career, family, or love life will be. I was wondering why was it that I never got the opportunity to meet someone in matters of romance but i did multiple times in friendships and then I saw that in my transit charts I never had Venus in the 7th house until last month. Venus had always been in like the 11th, the 10th, or the 3rd and school and friends was what was constant in my life. Sometimes even having Venus in the 8th can mean a change in your love life. I even looked all the way through 2022 and 2023 and all 12 months there was not one placement of Venus/Mars/Moon in the 5th or 7th until my transit chart of Febuary 29. Venus conjuncted Mars in the 8th and what happened? I saw the new guy who was exactly my type and I found interest in him. My next transit will be March 30 with Venus, Saturn, and Neptune in the 7th, and Mars conjunct the descendant. Im hoping that things will go well and I can get the courage to talk to him but we'll seeee.

🌼💛Having Jupiter in the 1st just means your whole year will be filled with luck youll just have things fall right into your hands.

🌼💛Uranus in the 9th house is lowkey feeling lost on what path you should take regarding school or just feeling disconnected from school in general. I have this right now and ive been having trouble locking in on my school work and i dont know how i want to plan my schedule for next year. Im just going with the flow atp.

🌼💛Venus in the 4th house means your family will spoil you and make you feel loved.

🌼💛Ok so im not really liking the attention ive been getting from having Lilith exactly conjunct the Ascendant. It feels like every where i go theres been men staring at me creepily and theres this guy on the track team who keeps touching me and crossing my boundries and personal space and it makes me so uncomfortable. Its so grimy and I hate it.

🌼💛Look at the dominant planet and see what house it falls in. Last year i had a dominant planet of moon and it fell in the 12th house conjunct mars. All imma say is that last year was one of the worse but strengthening years for me mentally.

🌼💛Venus in the 9th house means you’ll probably get a chance to travel. I had it in the 4th degree and i went to California from Texas because of a wedding on my moms side.

🌼💛Ive noticed that Vertex in the 5th doesnt always necessarily mean youll meet someone, it just means that youll get a lot of opportunities to go out and have fun.

🌼💛Saturn in the 6th/10th means standing on business.

🌼💛Chiron in the 5th may be a year where you feel burnt out. Make sure to take a break.

🌼💛Moon in libra will beautify a relationship depending on whatever house its in. Ex- first house: your appearance, 3rd: your relationship with siblings, 5th house: with your romantic partners or your inner self. It could also mean you feel romantic this year and could even have more opportunities given to you to express those feelings.

🌼💛7th house Neptune means having dreamy fantasies about people you wanna date. Could have your head in the clouds or you can just have high hopes regarding this area. Could be spiritually calming regarding partnerships but you can be manipulated and gaslighted too if your not careful.

🌼💛Venus in the 10th means being called beautiful all the time during that year. So many strangers used to stop me in the hallways to tell me I was pretty that year.

🌼💛Chiron and Neptune in the 1st means not being able to see your beauty.

🌼💛Venus or Jupiter in the 2nd means splurging on skincare, makeup, and clothes.

🌼💛Having Chiron in the 4th is not fun lol. Could mean family problems, struggling to feel at home when youre at home, and having trouble having a safe space.

🌼💛Leo Ascendant years will make you feel popular.

🌼💛Venus in the 6th could make you follow health, beauty, and workout routines or it could oppositely make you feel lazy and not wanna do anything. It also means feeling comfortable at work or find a interest at work.

🌼💛In 2020 when covid hit I had Saturn in the 5th house and it makes so much sense looking back. We were forced to be isolated and I couldnt go out because of the lockdown. Dont get me wrong though I still had alot of fun with my family but I feel like my middle school experience wouldve been alot different if that hadnt happened.

🌼💛Having a Cancer Ascendant back in 2015 was when my older cousin got married and that was a big event for our family that girl spent almost a 100k on her wedding. She was the first to get married out of the kids in the family. Even having Cancer degrees in the chart will mean change or some significant event in your family life.

Thats all for today hope yall enjoyed:)

[mmpookie]

ARCANA TWILIGHT FLOOR 13 REACTION SPOILERS ‼️

I. AM. NOT OKAY.😭😭 BRO I AM ON MY. KNEES. PLEASEEE GIVE US A SEASON TWO STORY TACO OML 😭🙏🙏

OKAY NOW FOR DISCUSSION:

FIRST SHOUT OUT TO CONFRONTATIONAL ARKY GOTTA BE ONE OF MY FAVORITE GENDERS 😩🙏

OK

THE THE. THE FRICKEN POLLUX IS CASTOR PLOTTWIST⁉️

I SAT OVER HERE DRAWING THE POLLUX BDAY ART .JUST. COMPLETELY ABSENTED MINDED OF THE FACT THAT POLLUX AND CASTOR LITERALLY PULLED A TWIN SWAP CLICHE ON US THAT IS SO FUNNY TO ME.

HE'S SO TRAGIC ☹️

BTW I ALMOST FELL OUT OF MY CHAIR READING THIS I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS WAS THE CASE THE ENTIRE TIME OH MY GOD

I MEAN THINKING ABOUT IT I SHOULD'VE EXPECTED IT BUT STILL (EVEN SIRIUS WAS STUNNED)

Also teehee the dots are connecting with mythology again UGH it's so smart with what they pulled off I loved this closing arc for pollux

or I mean castor???

I'm not stretching right???

Also did they ever clarify what castor's fate of misfortune was? Unless I missed it, it's gotta be referring to his death right? Deffo gonna reread the story for when my arcana twilight withdrawals kick in to reanalyze EVERYTHING bc that will be fun

MORE MYTHOLOGY‼️

I've would also love to shout out how much of Arky's role of guiding us out of the Boundry can be paralleled to the greek god Hermes and what he symbolizes BUT BRO

CAN YOU HEAR MY UTTER ANGUISH?????? MY UTTER DESPAIR?????? I AM UNCONSOLABLE

I DUNNO IF I'LL EVER RECOVER FROM THIS LINE 😭 SORRY IT'S JUST ME PARALLELING SUMMONER AND VEGA TO ORPHEUS AND EURYDICE AGAIN. AND. AND. HOW RELEVENT IT IS TO THEIR BACKSTORY AND VEGAS TRAUMA OF BEING ABANDONED BUT

THIS IS SUCH A PERFECT LINE. THE BOW ON TOP OF HIS CHARACTER ARC. I COULD NOT BE HAPPIER

THIS MAY OR MAY NOT BE BECAUSE OF HOW MUCH A HADESTOWN FAN I AM SO IGNORE ME

Ok so at the end I was like NERVOUS bc there was the chance they could have MAYBE pulled off two different endings depending on whether summoner personally wanted to stay or go back to Mid Earthium- which would have been a cool opportunity that Storytaco could have pulled,, but I guesss instead they did the thing where the choices triggered the same response, but this time in the sense that the rest is left to your imagination:

*you turn around = you stay back at the Boundry with the boys (this is because if you turn around the portal magic thingy won't work)

*or you listen to arcturus = keep walking until you arrive back home (earth)

Personally I chose to turn around bc ,one, the story never really gave me TOO much reason to want to go back home- however it was back there- and two I WAS YELLING THROUGH THE SCREEN NOO I DONT TO LEAVEEE 😭😭 THE WHOLE TIME

Also the voice we hear at the end says

"Can you hear? I have a story I desperately want to tell."

And I?? Can't exactly tell what it means?..OTHER THAN A TEASER FOR MORE CONTENT?? MAYBE PONTENTIALLY?? But if it's actually obviously something else I missed please tell me 😭

Anyways end of lecture:

Pollux and vega ending arc top tier.

Arcturus hmm I wish they didn't gloss over the void arc so quickly 🤔

If they could have fitted it in there I would have loved if they had just a BIT more of a satisfying conclusion for spica and alpheratz yknow? :( just me??

And finally. I can be slow,,, so if there's anyone out there that can explain Sirius's whole spiel with polaris and everything with the time travel.,,,,,,, I really would appreciate it bc I'm still trying to understand 😭

(Story taco if you're reading this please make more story I love these characters too much ☹️)

[teddy-feathers]

i hate my aunt.

she made another comment on if i wanted to take more pills or if i wated to grow up and deal with shit.

she does not get that if i didnt have the pills id already be dead. this is not hypothetical. i have wrecked my car on purpose several times, I have too many knives and access to medication and im just smart enough to be a danger to myself. one day i took like a handfull of my actual medication because it was going to fucking help or the next handfull of pills i took wouldnt be to help. and you know what. it fucking helped.

and its not oh youre just reacting badly to stress. no. even when everything was fine id find ways to be stressed or miserable or apathetic. in fact when things were at their best i was often at my worst - and that was after i got back reconnected with family got past the shame started working with a therapist had a job was doing good... and i was still thinking of killing myself. still having days where funtioning was too much like being skinned alive. still being fucking at war with myself from being too up and too down at the same time. and i was doing good. everything was finally better and had been better for a while and i was actively or passively sabotaging that.

and you know what? if there was a possible way to bootstrap myself better, idve fucking found it by now. so being medicated is like actually good for me. and i know it is because when i forget to take my meds or like right now when im switching meds and im fucking miserable and struggling to even pretend to be a person. like im managing to maintain an illusion but its not my best work let me tell you.

that and my best fucking friend are the only reason i called my shrink to say "yeah i actually am not okay" after a week of fucking going "dying sounds nice right now" like honestly and truely if it werent for my best friend id just give up trying.

like i get it. im in a bad place right now and youre worried and you think you know best. but the second you said that snide fucking comment i basically stopped listening. im so fucking furious.

ill give you drug seeking behavior. ill give you taking the god damn easy way out. (she did not say this but you can understand why i think its implied from her fucking attitude)

like. god i want to tell her so bad to stop making comments about it, to just fucking forget im medicated if thats what it takes. because the next time she makes a comment about it that will be the end of the conversation. that is the boundary im setting. that will be the end of the conversation.

but i dont have the fucking balls to set boundries do i.

like. i am sick right now. mentally.

im glad my knives are mostly in the car. im glad my best friend expects me to get up in the morning and gibe her a hug before work. im less glad that i cant bring myself to do things i need to keep my life running but ive got some leeway and hopefully my meds will level me out soon enough that no actual issues arrise. im glad that i might get out of this without fucking up my life or whatever. im glad that this isnt a couple of years ago where suicide seemed like an actual option and i couldnt roll my eyes as i lay here and rot and go "Yeah whatever your being dramatic" and that i know and *can* get up and get fluids and food when im rotting so im not actively making myself worse while i want for it to pass.

i hate that i do have to wait for it to pass. that i feel like if i do certain things it will trigger my own personal apocalypse or breakdown or something. i hate that my thoughts are variations of "i wish i was dead"

but because of the medication, even not at the right level, im not going to drive off the side of the road to deal with my problems.

i hate myself yeah but i hate my aunt and her shitty ass comments.

[candy8448]

Ahh so i was too tired to write up my thoughts on frnech after playing dnd so here are my french and history thoughts together

Gcse masterlist

French

Im doing higher (one of the 14 in the year group doing it) and bro, it was way too easy, ussually listening and reading are my worst out of the four exams and i struggle so kuch but this was perfectly fine??? And im terrified the grade boundries will go up because of how easy it was

In listening, i dont know if i heard iit right but i think one of the people with a masculine sounding voice said the masculine version of the person i married (mon marrie) and i was there screaming happily in my head from surprise.

Also one of the questions was "these people are talking abiut when they proposed to their parents" and i read it wrong and for a few seconds i was like 0.0 but no.

Reading was also weirdly easy

I liked the one where the app was called something like simple/nice (simple/sympa) and the review was hating on it and ended on "it is not simple and iis not nice >:(" i just found it funny

The question where you see if a or b or bith said the thing is one i always despise the most, as well as the gapfill, so i left that till last. I had like 20 mins left so i was planning on just zoning out for 10 to mentally prepare myself for it then do it, but the invigilator said if we are all done we can finish 10mins early so ii rushed and di it and it was strangly simple

(I didnt understand what the question with the baby falling out the window was about but then my friend told me and i was like 0.0)

History medicine through time was today. We were so so so lucky with the questions, i think i answered them all perfectly and could possibly get top marks!! I was writing till the last second because of how much i could have written about.

Also i usually only get 2 marks for each source because i can never understand what exactly my teacher wants from me, i follow the layout he does but i never seem to get it right, but i left that question till ladt cuz it takes so long for just 4 marks and bro, it just suddenly clicked when i needed it most and im confident i finally got 8/8 for that question

I use green highligters and pens for notes because i love green, and in every exam with a highlighter i happen to get green and it is as if the invigilators know my favorite colour is green

I dunno why but the real exams feel so much easier than all the mocks and practices so im terrified that the grade boundries are gonna skyrocket

[compassionatereminders]

i understand where you mean and come from.

i think overall i just wanted a friendship like that back because he was never egregious about my transition and it felt like i found someone who understood me from growing up in trauma and broken home like situation. i really wanted that friendship, maybe though you and my friends have a point. there..just might be nothing there for me. even if we BOTH changed. i thought if two people changed its okay again.

but in reality i just wanted to show and feel i was doing my best, because no one else loved me for being trans so i went looking for it. mot even romantically. i just missed having someone around who listened for those hurts.

i guess in the end i could say something and make that a test and excuse to vet if they are angry amd dint actually feel or do the change i saw in the apology.

most people are right tho- you can heal without going back to anyone. i really believed that but i felt so suffocated by my conscious that i just didnt try. didnt do more. i want to do my best, i don't always know what that looks like,

if anything i know ur not a therapist but thanks for listening, and i hope me going back to a possible toxic place didnt unheal anything. if anything my closure is within, from trying, from olive branch reaching and my end of amends.

i cant expect the same love and gratitude now that ive changed and learned about love. self care and respect and boundries.

i guess it doesnt change that i still want that- and i dont know where to look for it all the time in the person and people i forgive. my therapist said at the time "you can be friends later on..it doesnt have to be anytime soon" and i was really "???" because i didnt even know people were allowed to be friends after breaks ups of a sort.

maybe it depends, i wish i knew everything already haha..🤍

It's not that people with bad blood between them aren't allowed to be friends/reconnect afterwards, but I am getting the clear impression that your reasons for going back to this person are less about final closure and more about not being over them. And it's not that you're not allowed to go back for that reason if you have decided that's what you want/need, but in most cases inviting an ex who hurt you back into your life because you're still hoping for a better ending isn't the most constructive decision

[stellawolfe30]

How does one join a fandom space on here? Asking cause I'm not very good at socializing, I mean I reblog but most of my commentary is in the tags cause I don't want to be rude. I want to start creating stuff but I don't know if it's going to be any good. You don't have to answer this if you don't want to

So heres how tumblr works ,theres no algorithm.

actually well there is. You.

you make your space, to join a fandom space you follow people, you reblog things. its a community where we pass things from one person to the other. you look through notes of other posts to find accounts that reblog alot.

some people dont reblog alot and some people do, this main account of mine here is a reblog account. i reblog a bunhc of stuff all the time. it helps push posts (especially posts that took alot of hard working making like art,writing videos stuff like that)

Reblogs>likes isnt entirely true. people say seeing more likes then reblogsis disheartening but onlt because the reblog button is the algorithm. the like button is nice and everything but the reblog button is what pushes posts through this site. so even if u dont have any comments to add in the tags pressing that reblog button doesnt hurt either

comments in the tags are in my opinion the best way to send ur opinion on something, there are comments under a post as well in the notes but adding commentary on the post as well isnt rude actually. i'd say. when you have something to add to the conversation add ur own post below it if its compliments then the tags are best for that.

then again im sure youve heard all about that from other tumblr users

its also interacting with people outside of reblogs and likes. likes asks. exactly what ur doing here, asks are imo the best thing on tumblr, i like sending and recieving them. its a fun way to interact with creators on here and sometimes you make some really cool friends. hell i adopted like three brothers on here bc i kept sending em asks and then they stormed into my dm's *cough* Kai-sand *cough*

regarding your content.

GO FOR IT.

post it, i bet you anything someone on here is going to like it. just dont look at the numbers. ignore them. tumblr is slowbc theres no algorithm and its hard for blogs with no followers to gain followers and activity on ur blog.

but once people start rebloggging ur stuff its spread with thier followers and then more ppl see it.

so your blog might stat off slow not bc ur content isnt good but bc tumblr is slow for new blogs. hell even my blogs get slow from time to time.

so go for it man! im sure your content is great and if anything it will improve as time goes on, just dont focus on numbers too much. its nice to see people like it but dont make that ur main focus. make it bc your passionate about it and want to make it. my entire lmk (lego monkie kid) blog is stuff i made for myself and decided to post. people just happened to like it :)

anyways yeah, dont be afraid to reblog, send asks, or post your content. you never know whats gonna happen. i certainly never guessed id make a bunch of friends just through a bunch of asks or fanart i made for them (this doesnt always happen)

sooooooooo yeah, have fun, interact with people. especially creatives. also make sure to look for FAQ links in thier blogs. for boundries cause some ppl might not be looking for friends.

let it happen, dont force it.

aaaaaaaaaaaaand yeah thats all i got for ya.

the fandom space you choose is curated by you, so use the tools tumblr gives you and make it. also if u like a specific topic you can find the tags in the post like for example i like lego monkie kid.

I find a post with lego monkie kid in it and look through the tags. then click on #lego monkie kid.

that takes you to a page with ALL kinds of lmk content tagged with that and then on the right side you can choose the option to follow that tag and then tumblr will show u stuff from that tag from time to time. you can follow as many as you want.

there ya go all my knowledge for tumblr fandoms. and remember to have fun!

[bad-hobbit]

if i told you i was overwhelmed and anxious about our friendship and set a single boundry for the first time in 24 years and asked u to wait until i talk to you, would you

WOULD YOU

sent me a very long text about how shitty you feel because u miss me and u feel like im leaving u and then send a audio actual literally crying about it. Crying.

like i get it.

i am also frustated with myself. almost everything triggers me to the point of non functionality. i froze so often with fear for the dumbest things.

and i AM very easy to manipulate like im literally a people pleaser first, a mosquita muerta second and a person third. i was built to be emotionally manipulated.

and shes known me for so long, shes more my sister than my friend of course she knows what she has to do and say to make me do things i dont want to or to make me feel like shit if i manage to say no.

but that doesnt mean she should do it

right ?

like

:(

im so tired

and she wouldnt get it. she actually thinks she does all that to help me.

and its not like i can go to her and tell her ive been anxious the whole time for more than 20 years

because shes gonna get mad and im gonna be the bad friend

and its true because why wouldnt i say it sooner

why would i hold it in for so long

and i do it everytime

and when i explode i just try to finish the friendship softly by hanging out less and less until it stops

and it always works

this is first time someone no me suelta del brazo

and i dont know what to do.

when i tell you i rather get shot in the head than confronting someone its fr no una forma de hablar. im 100% sure death feels better than what i feel when i have to speak to someone

[highonthought]

Everyone drives me fucking nuts

Just my mother in general. I never had a yelling at my mother phase. I always understood that she was sensitive. This of course lead to odd boundries. I feel like her therapist at times and i want to scream at her shut the fuck up. that listening to her plays through my ears as i try to get things and work done throughout the day. That I feel like i have to help her knowing that there is no solution to her grief other than idk, i feel like violence towards veryone who has hurt her. And it drives me nuts. It gives me migrains. And she wants help but i cant give it to her. my time or my money. I dont have money.

Oh hey! Speaking of money, I dont have any, and its all going to my brother! Not all of it. What i had saved up went mostly to school and the rest that i had the sanity to keep, I gave to my brother who lost his job. I dont mind this. I know he would do the same

And when my mom wants something, I do go out and get it. This just leaves me with 0 income. And ill get reprimanded later for not having any money saved up. Money that I need to buy a fucking car. I feel crazy.

I have a friend who pissed tf off too. We talked and discussed a misunderstanding that had us ignoring eachother for a while. Though, i was avoiding her actively for a while before. I just dontt feel happy when im with her. Shes a fine person. But people can grow apart. Anyway, we chatted and she said she wanted to see me. Iisted the reasons i really wasnt able to, see above. I have school, more than ever before. Im helping my brother, so i dont have exrta money to spend right now. Im tired, i dont want to see people. I dont want to drive that far to see u; she doesnt have her license.

she responded with "fuck your brother" "ill pay for you" "just take the bus here", and she complained about when she would see me. She mocked me "oh i have so much school work uuuuhhhh". God I could give less of a fuck, you just said fuck off about my brother? Dont ever talk about my family you selfish bitch. Im tired of driving you around places and never receiving a cent in gas money. Do you know what 20 miles round trip every other day is on 13mi/gallon for 5 fucking years is? Its im tired of your shit, thats how much it is. You're rude to strangers. You dont like my any of my other friends. You want me to cook for you because shocker! you cant even make fucking pasta. Im tired of your little girl act, "this bottle is too tight can you open it for me?" Im not your fucking boyfriend, or your chauffeur, and at this point im hardly your friend. At least not until youve become more independent.

God. And it really pisses me off that ypu wont just fucking listen. NO. NO NO NO. I DONT WANT TO BE AROUND YOU.

[lavender---sunshine]

Sigh

[soft-boi-eli]

OMG CAN I REQUEST CC!PHILZA INTRODUCING HIS ADOPTED EMO CHILD TO THE REST OF THE SBI/DSMP

Gender neutral pls they/them

Of course! I've been having a bit of shortages on ideas. So this is so fucking welcomed.

Anyways

Father CC!Philza x Emo! Reader

Pronouns:they/them

Summary:your old parents gave you up as a teen, overflowing you with emotions, causing depression, mood swings, and quite a bit of anxiety. When you got adopted by a man and a lady,both seemingly very kind and understanding. You felt happy. They didnt expect the sleepy bois to come and visit so soon.

Tw:anxiety attacks, mention of depression, loving clothes (not a tw but damn I sometimes miss my old fashion sense.), mention of trauma, swearing!

A huge new family

They dont blame their biological family. They knew that they were being overwhelming. Slowly shifting into a state of mind where fluffy black and colored hair was their favorite. Their outfits became more extravagant and their makeup took a turn for the darker. But they didnt have to put them up for adoption.

About a year in and out of foster families, a few months in an orphanage, then one more foster family. It was official. They were the new child of philza.

Your life got better. Both of them accepted your choice of clothes and makeup, even supported it!

They helped with everything in the first few weeks. Giving you space, letting you know that they were there. But you nor phil knew that three boys were heading down to visit.

So when you answered the door to see three faces demanding philza minecraft and one just looking awkward. They were also changing about him coming and join them you felt panic flood through you. Slamming the door on their face you held near your chest.

Your uneven breathing was heard by your father and he was quick to scoop you away from the door and have kristin answer the door.

He was sitting next to you hand lightly rubbing your shoulder and he guided you through the panic attack. "That's it. In through the nose. Hold it for a few second. Breathe out." His voice was calm.

It took less time to calm you down then you've ever had. "There ya go mate. Just keep breathing." He kept coaching you through you panic attack.

Kristen let the four in with their promise of keeping calm. Your shaking form brought major concern to the two older ones and confusion to the two younger ones. "(Y/n) I want to introduce you to the four behind us. Technoblade, wilbur, tommy, and tubbo. They are really good friends of mine." Nodding lightly you sat there, not wanting to turn because if you did the panic would strike harder. Remembering what happened before you parents left you.

A huge group of people basically shunned your for your choices and didnt want to take you in because 'trash like you' wasnt accepted in the family. But these two were different. Supporting you with your choices. How different were their friends? "Hey I think you shirt is cool! Who's on it?" A slightly hyper voice broke through the silence. " black veil brides." It was quite but a start. "Cool! So their a band right? What kind of songs?" The brown haired teen was trying to communicate with you. "Uhm. Rock." It had started small but you opened up to the teens. They were about you age and they didnt bash what you decided to like. The two older ones hung out with phil and Kristen. You three hung out in your room which was kind of softer then your appearance. It was to reflect a bit deeper into you. Bookshelves, a desk, reading corner, and a bed. Not fully knowing what to put in there.

But you, tommy, and tubbo were almost the best of friends when they had to leave. Techno and Wilbur it took a bit. After the two teens left you had came out of your room, no makeup, hair had all products removed, and your clothes changed from Jean's and a black veiled brides shirt to a black tee shirt, grey sweat pants, with a book in hand.

Before sleeping you just chilled in the living room, reading while basking in the presence of your adoptive parents. You did not expect wilbur and techno to still be there.

Plopping down on the couch next to phil you opened your book and tried to zone out, to get engulfed into the book. Nope. Two sets of eyes just watching you.

"So you like poems?" The book you were reading was a massive collection of poems. Looking up to the two on the couch you nodded lightly.

Looking back down you felt nervous. "Small talk is awkward." Looking up to the brown haired guy with an American accent you nodded. "Same." Once more you looked down at your book. You already had issues focusing but you tried to work though it. "What kind of poems are you favorite?" You sat there for a second. Trying to think of something that catches your attention.

"Mainly ones about trauma. It reminds me I'm not the only one in the word that went through something I have. It just makes it more interesting when I can relate." It was true. Sometimes the poems you liked ring a little to close to home.

"Good choice. It does really intrigue the audience when they can relate." Nodding you closed your book. "Especially when you relate. It's a must for me. Other wise I get turned away from it and just cant focus. But if I like it then I am just dead set on that poem."

You and techno bonded over poems and wilbur brought up some songs. "So what is you song preference?" "Hollywood undead, black veil brides, other then that its random. If I like the song it's in my playlist." With no other preferences with music other then it had to sound good to you there was honestly no judgement for other people's taste in music. There were little treasures from almost all genres.

For a while you talked about poems and songs. It honestly helped you feel safer with them. They didnt care about what you found intriguing. Or why. You even went on a rant and there was no care. They just listened.

But sadly they had to leave. Bit they promised that they would visit more. They were like the brothers you never had.

"So I see that you were able to talk to all of them." Nodding to your father figure you smiled "they were nice. Honestly. I cant wait to see them again."

He found joy in you wanting to hang out with his friends/technically children too.

Now meet the rest of the dream smp. It was very fast. Meeting almost all of them at the same time.

Phil was streaming and no one except for the sleepy bois knew about you. So you walked into his stream, book in hand and sat on the couch behind his set up. You liked having another person on the room. You just hated being alone. It gave you really bad thoughts. "Who's that behind you phil?" A random donation read out. Phil looking behind himself saw you in the corner reading and you normally did. "Ah that's my child. They like to have company. So sometimes they come in here to read." "Wait you have a child?! Since when?" The voice made you jump. Your book fell out of your hands and you looked at your father's screen. A green man with a weird white blob for a skin on minecraft. "Yeah. I took a break to pick them up from the orphanage." All hell broke loose. You ran while phil answered questions. You were not dealing with that. No way. Nuh uh. Nada. Zip. Zilch. Not today satan. It took phil bribing you with a trip to hot topic to get you to come back in. I mean hey you get to score a few shirts and hats. Might as well.

Meeting the server wasbt too bad. But the questions were weird. You didnt answer the ones you were uncomfortable about and they didnt care. Your boundries were up. And when tommy, tubbo, willbur, and techno revealed they knew of you they were yelled at. It was funny. Watching people say they should of said something. But it resulted in alot of compliments and Phil's chat loving you.

You were now the older sibling of the chat. Why? Cause chat said so.

When you come in from now on the chat is chanting for you. Just "(y/n)!" Over and over.

Your life? Crazy. But it became a bit better after you were living with your new parents. It was heaven.

I'm sorry if its awkward I'm not good at introductions. And I am tis but a sleep deprived human. I need sleep and so do you have a nice day and once more I'm sorry if this isnt up to what you wanted.

[thechangeling]

Eutony in a whisper

Genderbent kitty!!!! Thank you so much to El for letting me use her username.

Tiberia Blackthorn had grown up constantly having her boundaries violated to the point where she was trained to expect it. Right from a very young age people were always demanding things of her and her body. Telling her to hug people, be polite, make eye contact, eat your dinner without complaining, no matter how terrible the sensation of cooked vegetables is. Be nice. Put on a smile.

So Ty adapted, she learned to control herself in public and suppress her urges. The urge to move her hands, and tap and spin around or rock back and forth. She still did those things sometimes, but less so, and never in public. Ty had the tendency to be quite blunt and harsh with people, and her parents were absolutely not a fan. In fact most people weren't.

"You're so aggressive," was the comment she got the most. Right along with, "act like a lady!" Which wasn't fair because she was usually right in these situations. She was only being honest, but everyone seemed so afraid of the truth. So utterly unwilling to listen to anything she had to say.

After awhile she had just gotten used to it. So when people came to take things from her, she let it happen. Because it was polite. And when people touched her she let it happen because that's what she was supposed to do. Livvy tried to help Ty with boundries. Tried to teach her how to say no when men put their hands all over her. But Ty was so used to always having to say yes. And she didnt want to be rude.

So after years of, "you have to" and, "you'll get used to it," when Katherine (Kit) Herondale came blazing into her life and told her with such an easy going sincerity that she didn't have to do anything she didn't want to. Ty had honestly felt like she could cry.

Fast forward four years and they were in Kit's bedroom at Ciernworth and her 19th birthday had just passed. Kit was trying to master her first heir powers with no luck. Tessa had told her to try and focus on something that might work as a catalyst for her powers. Usually it had to be something that would trigger strong emotions, but nothing was working.

"I give up," Kit cried out, flopping back onto her giant bed, her blond curls spilling out around her. She groaned, squeezing her eyes shut. "I'm hopeless. There's no point." Ty fought the urge to reach for her. To stroke her hair, or touch that small sliver of bare skin on Kit's stomach from where her shirt was riding up.

"Don't say that!" Ty protested. "You've done it before remember?" Kit gave her a solemn look and Ty thought of the events that had taken place before Kit had made the riders disappear.

But things were different now. They had made up, and now they were dating. But the wounds would probably always be there.

Ty decided to reach over and touch Kit's face slightly. Instantly she stopped tensing up. "It'll be ok. I promise," Ty said softly. "You're more capable then you realize. I believe in you."

Kit stared at her, gaping a little. Her big blue eyes were filled with not only surprise, but overwhelming adoration. Kieran had once called Kit's eyes the colour of an ordinary sky, but Ty disagreed. They were the most beautiful baby blue colour. Soft and calming. Not too bright or overwhelming.

Ty smiled involuntarily, sliding her fingers through Kit's hair. "I don't believe in anything except you." Kit let out a harsh breath and gazed up at Ty with a soft, worshiping look. She smiled.

"Baby I just don't know what to do," Kit whispered. She looked a little scared. "I feel like I've tried everything." She squeezed Ty's free hand.

"I'm really scared," Kit admitted.

Ty was overwhelmed with a frightening intensity of emotions. She wanted to wrap Kit up in her arms and never let her leave. She wanted to go out and kill every single person or thing on the earth that was making her so afraid.

Ty shook her head feverishly. "Dont be scared," she said firmly. "I will protect you." Kit looked a little shocked at that, but then she broke out into a grin. She smiled at Ty like she was the greatest and most beautiful thing Kit had ever seen.

"Hey I know something we haven't tried yet." Kit smirked mischievously. She slid her arms carefully up Ty's sides and gripped her arms, pulling her down slowly.

"Kiss me," she murmered. Ty felt her heart do a flip as she instinctively brought their mouths together in a soft, slow kiss that rapidly became more passionate as Kit pulled Ty on top of her. Ty continued kissing her girlfriend as she placed her hands on Kit's and pushed them down, closer to the skin so that Kit was gripping her more tightly. Satisfied with the pressure, Ty weaved her fingers through Kit's long golden curly hair, stimming with the thick, rough peices.

Kit deepened the kiss and instantly Ty felt metal against her tounge from Kit's piercing. It was a weird sensation, but she could bear it. Ty dug her fingers into the blanket on the bed and felt the fabric. Kit was scratching slightly along her lower back, pulling at Ty's shirt. Ty moaned into her mouth before slowly breaking the kiss and leaning back.

"I dont think anything's happening love," Ty said apologetically. Kit pouted adorably. She looked Ty up and down slyly.

"Well theres only one way to be sure right?" She asked innocently. Ty rolled her eyes fondly and laughed

"If you wanted to make out with me all you had to do was tell me," she pointed out. Ty bopped Kit's nose lightly and Kit squished up her face. She brushed the hair out of Ty's face carefully. Ty avoided Kit's gaze.

"Are you ok?"

Ty was fiddling with the bed cover in her hand. "No it's fine. I was just getting a little overwhelmed." She lay her head down carefully against Kit's chest, breathing deep.

Kit pressed her face to the top of Ty's head, nuzzling her. "Say your words," she suggested. "Your favourite words."

Ty smiled at the fact that Kit still remembered. "I added some new ones."

Kit pressed a kiss to her head. "I wanna hear them if that's ok." Ty could hear the steady sound of her heart beating.

"Glass, twin, apple, stars, crystal, lilt, shadow," Ty stopped and looked up at Kit, staring into her piercing blue eyes.

"Whisper."

Kit looked like she was trying not to cry. "Whisper would be one of mine too." She quoted. Ty grinned and bent down to kiss Kit on the cheek.

"Mine," she whispered in Kit's ear. Kit shivered underneath her, gasping.

"That's one of your new words?" Her voice was shakey as Ty pressed a kiss to her pulse point.

"Yeah. One of them. Along with sister, remember and forever," Ty avoided Kit's gaze slightly. Kit squeezed her arm.

Ty shook her head, shaking herself out of thoughts of Livvy. They had finally found a spell to put things right and let her rest. It had been excruciatingly painful, letting her go for good. But Ty knew it was right. She had already caused too much damage.

"I'm fine," she reassured Kit. She traced the outline of her lips. "I also have another one. Wanna hear it?"

Kit's eyes shone as she kissed Ty's fingers. "Tell me."

Ty leaned over her, pressing their foreheads together. Ty's long dark hair fell like an ebony curtain, shielding their faces.

She closed her eyes, letting her emotions wash over her.

"Kit," she breathed.

"Yeah?" Kit answered, clearly puzzled.

Ty laughed, drawing away. "No. I mean Kit is one of my words," she explained.

An unreadable expression fell over Kit's face before she smiled in awe. "Really? One of your favourite words?" She seemed taken aback.

Ty reached for her, gently pushing a lock of blond hair out of her face. "My absolute favorite," she whispered.

"It's my favorite word in the whole world."

Kit made some sort of indescribable sound and grabbed at Ty's shirt, pulling her forward. "I love you so much," she whispered, pulling her into a brusing kiss.

As Ty kissed her back, framing Kit's face with her hands, a burst of light exploded, shining so bright Ty could see it through her closed eyelids.

She frantically broke the kiss and opened her eyes, completely unprepared for what she was about to see.

Kit was glowing.

@bedspells @ti-bae-rius @zfoxdraws @anxiousbookenthusiast @dianasarrow @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @waterlillies @thelandunderthehilll @doitforthecarstairs @banesbitch @talia-lightwood @jazzkaurtheglorious @flynnsupremacy @adoravel-fenomeno

[syubub]

NAMJOON SOULMATE READING

Disclaimer~ tarot is interpretation and it is in no way fact. Take it with a grain of salt and lets continue

Oki. Let me just say some words. I forgot to take a picture of the cards BUT I made a video? You might be wondering, "why a vid?" And I'd say, "idk, nan mola." I might post it (I'd definitely have to make a YouTube channel for that and I'm not really intrested in doing videos that often but I honestly thought, "hey I should record so its faster to write it down and make sense of my thoughts" and then I was like, "well, if I do a video then I won't have to type" and that was intriguing but the video was over an hour long and I go on so many tangents its nuts (also editing who? Don't know her) I think its also nice to have written out version that just gets to the point (I personally prefer written ones because I have the attention span of a fucking goldfish) So long story short. Maybe I'll upload it for those who want to watch but if I do, don't wate your time if you dont want to. All the key info is written here. blah blah blah let's get to Joonie.

Right off the bat I just want to say that both him and his soulmate have the same energy color. It's like a silver-white color? (This is just how I personally perceive energy) Through the process of connecting with Nams and his Soulmate, I envisioned him putting his hand up to mine as a way to I guess channel his energy to me? It was like a stringy thing on my palm and then I mirrored him putting his hand over his heart and then to his forehead and then he was gone? It was like he gave me a tether to his energy which hasn't really happened before. It still felt kinda distant but still like I was trustworthy enough to have a line to him? Idk if that makes any sense or not but there. Now onto the soulmate.

I got some messages from his soulmate. I feel like we had a weak connection that was only there because Namjoons energy let me into it. So the first message was, "You need to leave her" wut. I asked my guides like, "hey, do I need to write that down?" And they were like yeah fam you gotta. Okay. I have no clue. Part of me thinks it was more of a warning to joon. Maybe his soulmate is cautious of people poking around his energy idk. It could be anything. So there's that.

For the other messages I got, "open your mind more", "You're strong, don't be taken for granted" and "ones own soul" that last one makes no sense to me but maybe you need to have iq 148 or be the soulmate of Namoo to get it. I think the others make sense. They are pretty self explanatory.

Now, onto the cards. So knight of cups fell out and I was like ?? And I asked like, "what do I do with this?" And it was v clear that this is his soulmates personality. Like this card represents the soulmate. Now. This is VERY romantic. Romantic af is all over my notes. Also, Joon knows his soulmate. I'm pretty sure. That might come in handy later. This person is in touch with their intuition and emotions. They are compassionate and understanding as fuck. Also I touch with their more feminine energy. I also made a note for a possible career in the art field. V v v loving. Also a possible Taurus, Virgo or Air sign. (I lean towards virgo) personality cards are damsel, warrior, judge, gossip and destroyer. This person is very strong and helps to bring perspective. They have a way of making you think in a way you never had before. I wrote down, "its like panning for gold, you bring up a bunch of shit. Stir up the riverbed, to find pieces of gold". Its constructive and organized chaos. (Art???) They make you consider things with a more critical and objective eye.

Okay, so the next cards are kind what his Soulmate brings out in him/what they help joon with. Justice rev. King of swords rev. And queen of wands. So Justice rev. Represents a lack of accountability, unfairness, dishonesty and favoritism. So I think his soulmate essentially checks him when he gets to close to any of these things. Like his soulmate is all, "hey, you made a mistake. I trust you'll do the right thing and right your wrongs"like this person essentially helps to point out what he might be too close to see. King of swords rev. Represents quiet power, inner truth, misuse of power, manipulation. So with this, his soulmate helps him to discover his inner truth and quiet power but also when he gets too... into it... it can turn toxic and become manipulative and he can maybe use his power in a not so healthy way. I don't think its conscious but its there. And for queen of wands, it represents courage, confidence, independence, determination. This is so cute. His soulmate amplifies all of these amazing qualities that he already has in himself. His soulmate encourages and fosters these amazing qualities. Its so cute. Its hard to really convey the feeling but damn. Its cute as fuck.

As far as the relationship goes we had the world, 10 of coins, 9 of coins and 8 of wands rev. So. They rich. They are so abundant and this is in a sense of self sustainability and stability as well as in a family sense. Now now now. Everyone is curious about joon and if hes married with kids and what not. Idk. Thats my answer. Idk. But he and his soulmate will def have luck in the family department (child or no). Now. With the world and 8 of wands rev. There is a sense that they might be on pause or that they are waiting for something to end before the relationship reaches its full potential. Now. With the 8 of wands rev. It can mean rushing into something (like kids and marriage) and I think that joon and his soulmate are smart enough to know that it might not be responsible right now. OR they have already rushed into it and are now keeping everything private until BTS enlist and go on hiatus. The world symbolizes a completing of a cycle (successfully) so that drives home that they are haulted where they are until they can start a new chapter. There is also a chance that they are acquaintances or something but won't pursue a relationship until later on.

Now we have Play, Boundries and Protection. This is also about the relationship. They have a very strong respect for eachother so they have very strong boundaries and they protect themselves and eachother. It's very healthy.

Now we have progress not perfection, ready to love and prosperity. They are so so so supportive of eachother and encourage eachother to grow and be better people. They both also have gone through a period of learning that they are worthy of love. They also have a prosperity mindset. Its about abundance and being like, "wow, I have everything I ever could have asked for" and they are truly greatful for all that they have. Theres also a feeling of money guilt from Namoo but I'll not go on a tangent for that.

Now we have stop obsessing, stop whining, and stand by your commitment. essentially the world is scary and these cards are to Nams from his soulmate. They essentially mean, stop obsessing about what you can't change and don't wallow in it. It doesn't serve you. All you can do is move forward. Also, making good on your promises. Seeing shit to the end and not leaving unfinished business.

Now now now we have the physical qualities: serious, long hair, gifts, physical touch, feminine, music, music (again), introvert, romantic, sweet, playful (I think its intresting bc I have a lot of physical descriptions in my little cards but pulled more personality...)

And for little cards that soulmate wants Joo to know: faith, Fate, seek, healthy, selfless

Now now now now. We have the finishing oracle cards. Dream a beautiful dream and going beyond normal. These essentially talk about seeing beauty in chaos, letting things not go according to plan and being okay with it, seeing beauty as it is instead of trying to fit it into a box. One of my favorite sentiments is along the lines of not trying to fit the ocean in a teacup but rather learning to swim and not confining something so vast into a small vessel. Don't confine yourself to please others. Live on the fringe of normality and push boundries.

TLDR: Namoo has a sweet soulmate who wants him to grow and become a better person. Its super great and supportive and he and his soulmate probably read books together and have museum dates. Soft af. A subtle domestic love.

[mistyeyedpea]

Me losing sleep over this entire post on fb but i had removed it cause i know it would cause issues-

its really crazy that i have my family on here and literally none of them check in on me (other than my mom and dad occasionally checking in)

My grandparents in pr yell at me for never contacting them, but im the one calling their phones and being sent to voicemail. Im the one checking in on my cousins and aunts and grandma. Phones do work both ways ... The last time i saw my aunts was when i had surgery in 2019. I was happy to sew them, but i knew they were just stopping by. I dont get invited to barbeques. My mom never tells me about any family events, but i am never personally invited to begin with by anyone. When i was younger i had a "better" relationship with my family. (We basically actually did things together) But i dont know what has happened. My cousin gives me a ride one time and tried to charge me 10$ for it. For a funeral mind you. I only rode w him cause i missed him.

Same cousin talks abt being woke but still uses terms like "my fav cousin" and says passive aggressive things like "i know who my real family is" when i am just trying to talk to him and see him. This is the treatment i get.

My other cousin that i used to be close to, acts like i dont exist.

I was never able to establish a relationship with my niece bc of this. She doesnt even know who i am.

My youngest cousin whom i love to pieces, i havent seen him in years.

I am currently feeling extra upset because i dont care about the strangers on here, but mainly my family is on here, and they never show to me that they care. Life is short and i just want to say im tired of being made to feel like i dont matter by the people who are supposed to care i spent too much of my life hoping MY FAMILY could understand me. But instead i am cast as the black sheep as i was in my youth when my cousins got away with bullying me. I was seen as the problem, and i know why.. i just wont say it cause it will get me in trouble (even at 26 i stilk have ptsd from speaking the truth) And me being young, neurodivergent and lacking boundries i fled to any arms that would accept me, since i was so "broken"

I dont think its me thats broken, after all these years i realize that perhaps im better off without them and this weird limbo they always kept me in.

As a person who has physical limitations, mental health issues, chronic pain etc it should not be me going above and beyond just to have a chance at a reply... or hoping maybe ill get invited this year. No.

If you dont care, i dont care. Tired of watering dead plants.

This is why i cannot wait to move away.

I cant help but think the reason i get treated this way is because i am neurodivergent and any issue anyone else had with me immediately blamed on me being "mentally ill" (ive heard this line too many times) as if they didnt directly do something to trigger me... right.

Anyways im done ranting. If you were mentioned, sorry but you suck and i am in a place where im not sure if i want a relationship with anyone anymore, so you can continue to ignore this like you usually do or apologize to me via dms where i will most likely not reply.

[compassionatereminders]

this is the ex social media recommectin anon.

i most def have. i went to therapy. i came out and worked on myself and its been 2 weeks since i made a next move because everything i di has thought behind it. if I dont get even a smidge of kindness i understand the friendship at this time is not right, and my risk of getting hurt can happen again because i handed mercy and empathy that everyome chages and gave hope to that

i came back and knocked on that social media door because i was looking to see what maybe what was last said- and he made an apology i was to angry to even read.

we were awful to eachother that my anger and vitrol resentment kept me away and his bad timing and friendship of the past felt like a forever unforgivable sin. to a bitter extent- my friends were right. i was a perfectiomist and despite his apology being a bit shoddy (saying things like i never said you deserved the hurt you have- i dont want that and i am sorry i hurt your feelings)

while i was over here demanding changed instant behavior and instant new friendship so i could get near him and scream at him. maybe say "its not what you just say its what you do"

overall i took a couple years with out him and thought of him everyday for some reason. like the guilt and the rage and resentment kept me thinking and the hurt of my overly unmet high standards but also SUPER REALISTIC humane stanards were unmet.

we do NOT have to be friends. but i also left without making boundrie or having made any actually mature development other than i deserve better. i left with pure resentment in my heart and i left with unmet needs. We cant be friends and i dont want to rekindle so fast, but i do want to do my best.

I know now that my friendship only could matter so much to him, to anyone amd i wanted to be codependent. i wasnt fair to me or anyone but also the abuse is recognizable from here. and i get that what we had SHOUDLVE died. and i used to resent never having a friend and now i do have them.

i dont want to be mad any more even if i came out understanding.

how do I build a bridge?

All I feel comfortable saying about this situation is that I wouldn't try to rebuild that bridge. It just doesn't sound like there's anything there worth going back to.

[mental-health-advice]

Hi! Im 21 now, and ive come too finally start too put my mental health first and set boundries with when im feeling depressed, anxious etc. Since i didnt do that in my teens and i can see mo hownit affects me greatly; like how lost i was and how i would try too please everyone and sometimes act a certain way cause i thought it would make people like me or it was normal etc. And i have a few close friends, and i enjoy being with them and all that. But is it normal too finally realise that you now enjoy being alone more ? Also that you arent as close as you used too be as teens and maybe growing and changing also effects that but youre still friends? (I hope that makes sense). I’m trying too be more open with them with how i used too feel in the past and now about my mental health and how i felt/feel, so they can understand me better. And im still anxious too talk too them about my feelings and also lettinf them know how i want too forget some of my past because the reminders cause me too get triggered and have obssessive ruminating thoughts that are negative and make me think i am a bad person. And this includes asking them if i can delete photos/videos of myself from back then off their phones because i dont feel comfortable with them and how thinking about it is making me anxious, do you have any advice for how too do that?. Also i know that back then in my early/middle teens when like one or two people hurt me it did cause me too be a bit bitter and also effect my mh so sometimes i would then be bitter towards them after (which now i feel awful and guilty for) and take out those insecurities that were hit. — i know people say past mistakes, especially in your teens dont define who you are now and that you can forgive yourself, recognise them and how they were regretful or wrong and move on but i cant seem too stop obssesive over negative ruminating thoughts that im a bad person etc. And im beating myself up so much about it. And i think im making it seem worse then it is cause im now stuck in this depressive anxiety mode from it all, and im really trying too calm myself down and distract mysef. But its like i cant rememeber how i used too think before all this anxiety and stuff, and i cant ground myself or distract myself. And i think its probably because i havent talked too my friends or my sister either (who i love and feel comfortable with ) yet and got it off my chest. And i know i have too wait until they are free too meet up and all this but the longer it is the worse all my anxiety gets :( and i just want too control it and feel normal before i finally get too see and talk too them, Im trying too be gentle with myself but its hard. Sorry if this is long! I have a lot more anxieties and stuff i have too get off my chest and will probably put it in another ask. It feels lighter already too write this out and i am looking forward too all your advice and words😊 thank you for this blog and helping people!

Hey there,

Choosing to set boundaries with friends, with anyone really, is a really big step. Sometimes it can take people their whole life to realise how important making and having boundaries in place with people can be!

As we grow older and leave school, it is to be expected that we will move on from some friends, make new ones, and sometimes even grow further apart or closer to those people we grew up with. This all depends on our lives and interests and how things change for us, the directions we take in life and how they may differ from those we grew up with from our childhood or throughout our schooling. It is also normal that as we grow up we may prefer to be alone more than what we once were and this is completely normal and you are definitely not alone with this!

It can be so hard to learn to let others in no matter how much we want to and especially when sharing something with them that is so personal like our mental health struggles and how we are feeling or have felt in the past. I totally get that somethings that you went through in your past, you just want to forget, I think we all have some of those moments and I know it will be hard but can you just be honest as much as you feel comfortable with your friends? Maybe just by telling them that some of the past photos and videos of you that have been taken, that you are no longer comfortable with them and if they could please delete them. A good friend will listen to you and will not ask questions or make you give them an explanation as to why. A good friend will just be there for you and listen to you when/ if you want to talk and I think that if you do this then it will define just who your good friends are and who isn’t. Unfortunately you cannot make someone delete anything off of their phones but it’s completely OK and in your right to ask them too. Does that make sense?

When we have things that have happened in our past, whether they be good or bad, inflicted upon us by another person or not, it can be difficult to move on from those experiences and be OK with them. Yes you are right in saying that your past doesn’t define you, but you can use your past experiences to help you make better decisions for you in the present moment and your future and so maybe you could look at things from a different perspective? For example, use past mistakes to help you learn from them and not make the same mistakes again, grow from those mistakes to help make you a stronger and better person because of it. Does that make sense? Yes the ruminating thoughts may still be there, but if you try to look at things a little bit differently and use these ruminating thoughts to your advantage then maybe just maybe they won’t bother you as much or take up as much time in your head? Just something to think about!

I do not think that you are being a terrible person at all, I just think that you have been through a lot in your life and that now it’s all just getting to be a little too much and overwhelming as you are finding. I think this because you use to find it easier to distract yourself, calm your thoughts and to use grounding techniques. So maybe it’s time to go back to basics and go from there? Doing this doesn’t mean that you are weak or a failure, it simply just means that you have a lot going on right now and sometimes we all need some extra help and guidance to help us to get back to where we want to be in life.

When it comes to calming yourself down a good first step is to try to control your breathing and slow it down. We actually have a page on calming anxiety and panic which I encourage you to take a look at as it has a lot of helpful hints and different techniques on it. We also have a page on different grounding techniques which you can check out by clicking here. When you are in a better headspace then you will find that using different distractions will become a little bit easier, we just need to get you to that calm, better head space which I am hoping those above pages will help you to do.

It can be hard to do the above though when you have anxieties or stressors over not being able to see or catch up with friends or your sister. I can imagine that this may be made even hard with the pandemic. Can you call them though or shoot them a txt message? I know it isn’t the same as seeing them face-to-face but it may just be enough to help decrease some of your anxiety. What do you think? Also it’s important to know that when you do see them finally, just be yourself. They won’t care if you are anxious or are not doing the best, they will accept you for simply who you are and will be wanting to support you and be there for you because they care.

I really hope that all of this has helped a bit and please do send us in another Ask if you need to and of course let us know if we can help to support you in any other way!

I’m thinking of you and hope that you are going OK!

Take care,

Lauren