#WHAT IF I GO TO DISNEY WORLD IN NOVEMBER OMG

[mightyaphrodytee]

MY FIRST VISIT TO FLORIDA, January 1995, Palm Beach

Dad’s funeral, the whirlwind of seeing Rachel and Keelan for the first time in 12 years, absorbing the loss even as I felt no true grief for the man, only grief for a wound that would now never be healed, grief that my daughter lost a POTENTIAL actual grandfather—the last she had, staying in THAT HOUSE/MANSION IN PALM SPRINGS, Boz being shattered, Karina and Dorothy and Walter and their grief, the Ireland of it all being SO HEAVY, how warm and sunny it was even in late January, the High Catholicism funeral in the cathedral complete with incense and me (ME!) being asked to do a READING of some selected…scripture?—must’ve been, I can’t remember because honestly, it was all too much. Two days. Not enough yet too much all at once.

Yes I’m haunted but I’m feeling just fine

FLORIDA!!!

SECOND VISIT TO FLORIDA: April 1997, Orlando

With James, to Disney World and Universal Studios, Clay has a condo for us, surprise! Clay’s already there! I’ll pay for all the admission to everywhere if you just pay for your flight, DEAL!, being dependent on a cane, in constant pain while weight-bearing but my dr had not yet figured out what it was, seeing Rachel again under much better circumstances, light recreational drug use while partying with James and Clay and Rachel on whatever island that was, late at night, everybody drunk, we were drunk, Rachel and Clay hitting it off and dancing with a hundred other people VERY SUGGESTIVELY, and James’s subsequent meltdown over Clay wanting to be somehow sexual with A WOMAN and he’s a whore and on and on and then the next day sober acting like it never happened because nothing whatsoever happened between Rachel and Clay omg, going on all the rides before everybody else, no standing in line, because I was LITERALLY CANE DEPENDENT, the sensory overload, it was all 100% amazing and I was very sad to leave.

This was the first significant amount of time I got to hang with Rachel, and I fell in love. Sisters!

I have some regrets

I’ll bury them in

FLORIDA!!!

THIRD VISIT TO FLORIDA: November 1999, Palm Beach, Rachel’s wedding

Drunk, emotional, fabulous experience that felt like living through a hurricane. Of feelings! The Palm Beach Hotel, the spa at the PGA Gardens, the last day brunch on the beach when it was cloudy and drizzly and windy, the rehearsal dinner at that dope restaurant on Worth Avenue, the party at the Phippsberger’s with Inigo spraying tequila into my open mouth with a spray bottle and drunk driving golf carts around the estate, Boz in a cow suit (!!!), talking to Walter and getting some details about Dad’s childhood, feeling very Irish, very Butler heavy, Marie getting so hammered she fell down on the pavement (which, boy do I retroactively empathize with how bad that must’ve hurt), that chat with Jeannie about Dad omg, Miranda’s blossoming beauty that was definitely attractive to boys, the fun she had being a bridesmaid, her and Blanaid’s instant connection, that awful Patrick, getting high with Keelan at the reception in the tall hedges in front of Dad’s memorial tree, that friend of Dad’s who sat at our table and upon learning who I was, informed me that my father hadn’t been married prior to his marriage to Rachel’s mom, with such audacity and authority, my polite yet forceful recitation of the fact that I was, in fact, Jim’s oldest biological DAUGHTER and oh btw this girl next to me is his ONLY GRANDCHILD SO FAR, and him taking a moment to process, then saying ohhhhh, New York. Yeah, asshole, I thought. NEW YORK. After that he realized who we were, asked about Jay, and kissed our asses for hours. Hilarious. A fever dream. Joy and sorrow and gratitude and love all in one chaotic three-day weekend.

It’s one hell of a drug

FLORIDA!!!

FOURTH VISIT TO FLORIDA: March 2001, Daytona Bike Week

Wild veer between severely traumatic and utterly blissful. Met Lisa <3 Day. Loved her. Fran and Ron ditto. The other Ron, the one who gave us his cat before he retired. Waking and baking (except my husband.) Copious quantities of alcohol. Too much alcohol, as it turned out. The 10 pills, the hate in my heart for my husband, the ambulance, the ER, the coldness he displayed towards me for the rest of the trip despite knowing HE was the reason I kinda wanted to die and which he continued for a few days after we got home, as per usual. Passive-aggressive fuckery. One hell of a drug, charcoal is.

Tell me I’m despicable

Say it’s unforgivable

FLORIDA!!!

FIFTH VISIT TO FLORIDA: the very next month, April 2001

Orlando, West Palm, Palm Beach, Cocoa Beach, Julie and Sharon and Lisa Day (again!), in Cocoa Beach when the weather was so bad the wind was whipping the sand straight into our FACES, rendering sitting on the beach impossible (we joked it was free microdermabrasion to make us feel better that the one day we had all together was under such shitty weather), getting drunk instead and ordering takeout from Denny’s the next morning, hungover as fuck, Rachel and baby Liam, her husband basically ripping me off for $50 by taking my money to go get me weed, never to be heard from again), getting cafe con leches and Cuban sandwiches with Keelan, madness, escapism, all manner of substance abuse (just weed and alcohol, but some of the drinks and liquor store runs produced some increasingly complex cocktails), desperately delaying my return to real life, which was circling the drain back home, the dread was a physical thing I felt every single minute, but thankfully cell phones were limited, we didn’t have any, but still…and yet. Control was exerted and I submitted and went home strictly because I love my daughter.

So you pack your life away

Just to wait out the shitstorm back in Texas

FLORIDA!!!

And I’ve never been back. It all seems like a fever dream of colors and heightened emotions and hotel rooms and mansions and a hurricane with my name and me and my ghosts and laying to rest all the bodies that had been on my body and barricading myself in the bathroom with a bottle of wine, check, check, check.

[koffeenoe]

¡Hola otoño!

No has venido todavía y sé que ni vendrás a donde yo pero aún así te seguiré esperando por mil años más…

(Joder qué triste suena eso pero… el otoño no existe en mi país T_T)

[talesofafangirlwithadvr]

MARCH PICKS!!!

Life has gotten VERY crazy over the past couple of weeks (it feels more like months-time is irrelevant now). To escape watching the news again and again I have turned to TV and movies now more than ever. While some of these I watched at the start of the month, when life felt more normal, more have been added since “social distancing” and quarantine. But these are my top choices for the month overall. Some will seem familiar from my top Quarantine picks (check out that article if you’d like here) and that’s because many have been my recent watches. 

Spoilers ahead!

LOCKE AND KEY

I cannot stop talking about this show. It is no way similar to this, but I feel like I have not loved a Netflix show like this since Derry Girls last year. This is the show I keep asking people if they have watched it and telling them to if they haven’t. So you should watch this show :)

Locke and Key follows the Locke family as they travel to their father’s ancestral estate after his tragic death. It is their mother’s idea and the three Locke siblings don’t want to leave their home in Seattle and find it tough accumulating to their new home and school. The youngest son, Body, is the first to hear these magical keys that lead to the larger mystery of this story. When I finished watching I had to quickly jot down my notes on the show. I am so happy that I looked at Netflix’s Top 10 list to decide what to watch next. I got hooked easily and while certain characters had annoying moments, in the end I really liked them and cannot wait to see how the story progresses in season 2. SPOILERS SPOILERS SPOILERS...... I knew Ellie was going to be “Dodge” in the last episode when she got thrown through the door. It was just too easy. There was still like 20 minutes of the show left and then when she yelled out Tyler. It just felt right, but I was not expecting Gabe to be the 3rd personality! This echo really knows how to manipulate people. And now Eden too! 

The idea of having magical keys and the different powers for each was really creative and something I would have never thought about. Lots of people have compared it to Stranger Things, Narnia and Stephen King novels, and while those are somewhat accurate there is so much more to it. Must check it out for yourself!  

ONWARD

Before movie theaters closed (here in New York) I was lucky to see Onward in theaters. Even though I’ve already seen it, I am still very excited that it will be released to Disney Plus in a couple of weeks (days?) and is already available to buy digitally. 

Disney/Pixar had me guessing what this would be about for a while (like they usually do with their teaser trailers). But the more this was advertised, the more I got intrigued. It was a very cute film about the importance of family. Not just father and son, but also the bond of brothers. It took a slight turn I didn’t think we’d be taking, but am happy to see represented on the screen. I love all the moments the Dad did walking around (only a bottom half). It was pretty funny, especially when he had his top half on. I liked how they used a leash to keep track of him and how they communicated with him by tapping his feet. I think my favorite was the dancing though.  Super realistic with the whole driving thing and getting on the freeway. (When Barley says something about never being ready it felt very accurate.) I wish their dad could hear them though. I understand why he couldn’t, but still it would have been nice considering the ending. Loved the MOM POWER! She was fantastic. I loved her duo with the Manticore. I also liked how realistic it felt, well despite not having mystical creatures in our world. I liked how they focused on beings taking the easy way out and losing a piece of yourself and your history. I wish I could experience a quest like that.  

THE LODGE SEASON 2

The Lodge is a Disney Channel UK show that I was lucky to watch the first season of back in 2016 or 2017 (it’s so long ago I can’t remember). I kept trying to find the second season after it didn’t air on our Disney Channel, but had no luck. That is until Disney Plus. It wasn’t one of the first shows to air on the streaming service, but since coming out in November, the 2 season Coming of Age Musical Tween show is FINALLY available. I was thrilled! (If you can’t already tell.)

Naturally I started by re-watching the 10 episode first season. Each episode is about 25 minutes long, so it was a fast watch. I forgot how well I knew the story-lines and overall plot. For those unfamiliar with the show, the first season follows Skye Hart who is traveling back to the countryside with her dad, Ed to work (and own) the family’s hotel called the Lodge. Her grandad has been managing it for years and needs some help. Also after the recent passing of Skye’s mum it is nice for them to head back to somewhere that was so special to her. (This seems to be a common thread this month. Compared to Locke and Key this is a lot brighter.) Of course, the Lodge is experiencing some money problems so they have to solve that issue and fast because one guy in particular wants to buy it and create a luxurious spa resort (classic bad guy stuff). Skye winds up being the star of a reality TV show called My Amazing Life, which brings the publicity, but more drama than she intended. The show is filled with the classic teen drama: from love triangles to secrets and there’s also a mystery plot involving her mom and a mysterious man with the initials SJ. A bonus is the musical component. In true musical form the songs are often performed in the moment when a character is feeling sad or happy, but there are also concert performances on the show as well. Some of the songs are quite good and ones that I can’t get out of my head. 

SPOILERS FOR SEASON 2

So, I definitely enjoyed the first season more than the second. Part of that was due to the plot. Obviously the Lodge was still not 100% solid, but I wanted to move past the money problems of the first season and explore some other stuff. (I don’t know what, but something else.) I also felt it was slower moving. While the episodes are about 25 minutes there isn’t much time to work with, but it often felt like we were still looking on a clue or hurtle for longer amounts of time then needed. I didn’t love the songs as much. Now as I am listening to some of them back I am liking more, but overall I thought season 1′s soundtrack was better. A lot of these songs sounded a like. I liked whenever Kaylee sang, but honestly thought she was singing the same song in a different version (now I know there’s about 3 different songs). Too much techno was used and lots of choreographed dancing that was at times strange. My biggest complaint was that Skye chose Sean over Ben, which was her biggest mistake. Throughout the season you could still see their chemistry in the looks they gave or moments that were said. (Her dad was the BIGGEST Team Ben fan.) But she only discovered it at the end when he was already with Danielle (wasn’t a fan of that ship either because of the way they rushed it). Even though there’s no season 3 (and it’s been years so it’s not coming) I will believe Skye and Ben are endgame. Because just look at them... 

Adorable. 

EMMA

Another one that the more I saw it advertised and read reviews, the more I wanted to watch it. I saw this in theaters after Onward, but just before major social distancing started. There were 5 of us total in the theater, which made it feel like out own personal home theater. Loved this movie a lot more than I thought I would. It paid homage to the novel really well as well as previous adaptations that came before it, yet still was recognizable as its own re-telling. For a full review check out my article: REVIEW EMMA (2020).

NANCY DREW

In the past few weeks (few episodes, actually) I have done a complete 360 with my opinion on the CW’s Nancy Drew. In this first season I was immediately intrigued to enter the mystery and explore a CW show without superheroes (which I honestly do love, but I like how the CW is expanding their shows again). In the fall I kept tuning in for new episodes, but as the season went on they would pile up on the DVR more. My main problem was the supernatural element. I didn’t understand why they had to have ghosts be real in this world. I wanted a classic mystery (I guess in the same vein as Scooby Doo, where the murderers were real people rather than a mystical entity). I started to get used to this element, but I didn’t love it. (This was the time when we had a lot of heavy supernatural material and possessions, etc.) My DVR didn’t tape episode 12, so I watched it through a YouTube review before watching the next one (you can see how much I cared then--now I would have opened the app and watched the episode for sure). The next episode was the Whisper Box, which was great, but it wasn’t until episode 14 that I truly fell in love with this show (and started to watch the episodes the day of). Part of it is definitely that I got used to the style of the show and also that parts of the mystery are starting to wrap up, but what I’m noticing is my main reason is Ace. His character continues to get more screen time and we continue to learn more about his life with every episode. I loved meeting his dad and seeing their relationship. His detective skills combined with Nancy are my favorite part about this show and I ship them so much now. He brings a humor to this show like saying he has enemies at the library. Nancy and Ace’s looks to each other as they read Lucy and Ryan’s emails while at the library. OMG the chemistry! If the writers don’t act on this relationship in later seasons, I don’t know what they are doing with themselves. It’s right there and yet Nancy has two other love interests right now. There’s been so many other things in the last few episodes and I am dying for this show to come back this upcoming week.  

I need more of these moments!!

PARTY OF FIVE

At the start of this month I had done a much better job watching this show and since then I haven’t been as good. I think I still have 5 or 6 episodes left, but I know it ended almost a month ago by now, so I will be able to catch up! I was familiar with the original Party of Five from the 90s and had wanted to watch that show for a while now, but due to the amount of seasons I hadn’t gotten around to it. So, once I heard this one was airing I was really excited to give it a chance. I like that it’s by the same creators as the first season and I can’t explain it, but I was really happy to see the iconic font with the title card. This show is so relevant for our current society. It addresses so many of the issues we face with the government today. Instead of having their parents die in a car crash like the original series, here they are deported which brings a whole other side to the story line. I like how we get to see the kids deal with them being away and the hope to live with them again while also seeing their current conversations. There’s so much drama and I am just hoping for some lightness at the end of this season because these characters deserve it! 

[lxurant]

laura harrier. twenty-four. she/her/hers.  ／ artemis laurent just pulled up blasting carmen by lana del rey  — that song is so them ! you know, for a(n) twenty-four year old model and actress, i’ve heard they’re really intense, but that they make up for it by being so hard working. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say the smell of a freshly blown out candle, piles of old planners, and long manicured nails. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble ! 

what’s up kiddos!! it’s ya girl paige (carol’s mun) here with my new baby artemis. sweet girl, but definitely hard to get through im still working out a lot of the KINKS but here she is:

artemis francesca laurant, older half sister to noel, daughter to eva and some one night stand that she doesn’t even remember

from a young age, artemis was like a second mom around the house. she was always looking after noel and trying to help her mom out as best she could

artemis was five when her mother and noel’s father got back together, and that was like the only time in her life she actually got to be a kid and enjoy herself and be a little selfish

she started dance classes around that age, and it was clear she had a talent. she was always dancing around, or singing. she loved performing and dance was her favorite thing

when noel’s father left, artemis was 10, and that was when dance classes stopped because they couldnt afford it

the owner of her dance studio, miss jane, took a liking to artemis from a young age, so when she had to quit for financial reasons, she was given a job at the studio

at first, it was just easy work, but when she got old enough she started teaching dance classes herself

apart from teaching dance, artemis worked as a personal assistant to one of the richer people in their home town of san marcos, as well as attending school

artemis was bright, a very smart student, and also talented. she was in the musicals and did very well in school, all while balancing working and looking out for her brother

speaking of noel, the two were inseparable for their entire lives. it didnt matter that they had different dads, they were the best of friends. artemis did whatever she could to try and give noel the most normal childhood she could

when it came to college, artemis had set her mind on staying home. one day, she got a packet in the mail from julliard offering her a full ride for dance, and she was completely shocked bc she didnt even apply

turned out miss jane sent in an application for her because she thought she had so much talent and didnt want it to be a waste

artemis, however, turned down the full ride because she knew she had to stay home

she went accepted a full ride to texas state, right in san marcos, and was able to attend her classes as well as work as much as seh could

mostly, she wanted to be able to save enough money so that noel could go to whatever school he wanted, and so that their mom could relax a bit

tbh artemis wasn’t fully happy with her life but she knew that she had to support her family, because she loved them

so when noel announced that he and his band were picking up and moving to LA, she was furious

she had given up so much of her life to support her family, she gave up going to the school of her dreams so she could provide for noel and her mom and he was just going to leave them

huge fight, honestly artemis didn’t talk to him for a really long time after that happened because she couldnt understand how selfish he could be

about a year and a half later, noel decided to move them out to LA--while artemis wanted to stay put, their mom insisted they take the opportunity to mend the relationship and lvie a better life

begrudgingly, artemis agreed, and they moved out to LA when she was about 21 years old

at first, she hated it in LA, but after a few months there she was offered some kind of modeling gig. she didn’t think anything would come from it, but it was a victoria’s secret scout, and she soon became a model for the brand

her world turned upside down. she began modeling in magazines, on runways, in the victoria’s secret fashion show.

it was a dream come true

but it wasn’t the dream. so when artemis heard disney was spearheading a high school musical project, she decided to audition

singing and dancing and acting has always been her passion, so given the opprotunity, she wanted to take it

much to her own surprise, artemis was cast in the lead role of nini in high school musical the musical the series

now, artemis is about to start filming the second season of the show, as well as continuing to model and attempting to mend her relationship with her family

random stuff that didnt fit

artemis’s father is white, so she’s mixed

she and hal dated for like 11 months last year, and broke up at the end of november. it was a HEARTBREAK man, they were so in love and the end of their relationship was so sad omg she’s still heartbroken

while she still models, artemis quit working for victoria’s secret a year after working with them--she hated what they stood for, and wanted to model for more inclusive brands (she’s now the face of third love)

she really is a triple threat, shes a great dancer and loves to sing and can act and model 

shes left handed

she does a LOT of activism work, she wants to help out underresourced communities and has a lot to say about the election (WARREN FOR PRESIDENT) and the world and stuff

personality

she’s a fun gal, i promise

her exterior is just very hard

she doesnt open up to people very easily, but once she does shes a ball of fun

shes very hard working, which comes from having to work her whole life

shes super passionate about what she does as well as the people she cares about

definitely comes off very queen bee, but shes not selfish or shallow

plots

uh everything

friends she made before becoming famous

friends she made AFTER becoming famous

ppl she met through her noel

people she met through hal

either ex hook ups (before dating hal) or current hook ups

maybe someone that helped her into the business

roommates!! she’s moved out of her mom’s place and roommates are fun

idk enemies?? shes the type

i suck at this

ok yah so that’s all ive really got. artemis is a gem i promise. pls press that like button and ill come for plots!!

[omg-puddingpie]

57 facts about OMG-Puddingpie

Tagged by @twistedsimblr 

1. I am going to be 30 years old in 4 months! :0 Gettin’ old folks. XD

2. I was born January 5th and EVERY YEAR on my bday, my mom tells me the same story regarding my birth, the weather and so forth. (I just let her do it. XD)

3. I have terrible depression but I’ve learned how to handle it and find healthy alternatives for those bad days.

4. My wife and I have been together for 10 years, married for 3 and have 4 beautiful children: 3 girls and a boy. (We’d like more but we want to wait until our youngest is at LEAST 2 or 3. XD)

5. I will only date women with a ‘thicker’ body type. We ALL have our preferences, so don’t wave your damn finger at me. :P

6. I am Graphic Designer and freelance artist but always wanted to have my own tattoo shop and be a tattoo artist. 

7. I never show too many pictures of myself. (I’ll do the Simself and draw it but that’s it) There have been a few times and people often ask why....what are you hiding? And the answer is the same: I’m not hiding a damn thing but I don’t need to showcase myself in every which way, to be honest. The internet is an ugly place at times.

8. I’m a cat person and if I had it my way, I’d live on a farm and allow all kinds of Cats to roam the lands!

9. I’m an Xbox man myself but I’m not against Playstations or other platforms. 

10. I’m in love with the video game Overwatch and I’m a Junkrat, McCree, Hanzo, Mercy, Roadhog and Ana main. (I try to play all the heros, though.)

11. I started drawing at 9 when I kept complaining I was bored. Guess my mom got tired of it and told me to find SOMETHING to do, so I did. XD

12. I do not like people bugging me with requests: Can you draw this, can you draw (insert character’s name) can you draw my Cat, can you draw my boyfriend and I, etc. I’ll only do them for certain people and I MUST approach you. If not, prepare to be ignored.

13. I’m Portuguese, A little Italian and a TAD German.

14. I love disney movies and could care less that I’m a grown ass man: I will SING ‘Colors of the wind’ from Pocahontas until my heart is content! XD

15. My very 1st car was a 2007 Mustang

16. I inherited the name Puddingpie from the wonderful game ‘The Wolf Among Us’

17. ‘Fables’ is my favorite non-marvel comic

18. I love Supernatural creatures: Werewolves, Fairies, Vampires....you name it.

19. I love the holiday season and can not WAIT for the Fall to finally set in. (I live in Cali and it can get....pretty....damn...hot!)

20. My parents have been divorced since I was 5

21. Can not wait for the remastered Spyro trilogy! I was pretty bummed when they pushed the release date to November but yay: Early Christmas present to me! :D

22.  People assume I’m gay or bi because I draw naked dudes, play same sex sims, etc and to be honest, I like to have different options and I’m open.

23. I got into my first fight when I was 12.

24. I’d do anything for my children. They mean everything to me.

25. My wife is African American and we use to HATE one another, before we officially became a couple. (Hilarious, I know. XD) 

26.  To @twistedsimblr Your drawings are amazing and I wish I had the time (and patience) to make poses like you can, girl! :D

27. I use to write A LOT of fanfictions during my college years. (Like, 4 or 5 years ago?)

28: I personally do not know this person but @emmypess and I go waaaaaaaay back in the writing community and use to write stories all the damn time in the same forum. Her stuff is still amazing!

29.  I love Las Vegas. I mostly go for the shows and food, though.

30. I love Pizza and will drive in the rain, snow and end of the world, just to get one. :P

31. I love listening to the oldies. (70′s, 80′s, 90′s. Old country songs are the best)

32. I am estranged from my father and it’s been the best damn thing I could have ever done.

33. I can make a pretty good Pecan Pie.

34. My Vinyl Pop figure collection has become an addiction and I MIGHT need help. XD

35. I have an issue with Beer and hard liquor (meaning I’ve been known to over drink) so I limit myself or avoid it, if possible.

36. Never been fired from a job

37. I’ve been playing The Sims since 2001. It was included with our new computer at the time and I fell in love with it. 

38. People assume I live by the beach and surf, just because I live in California. Although I USE to, I’ve recently moved to a town surrounded by factories, Dairies and some pretty decent eateries. 

39. I love Vans and Converse shoes

40. One day, I will complete a Sudoku puzzle without the help from my wife.

41. Facebook is overrated and although I have one, I rarely use it these days. (Mostly to post photos during the holidays)

42. I have a foul mouth and it’s be a struggle keeping that at bay. XD

43. I hate large crowds and they make me very nervous

44. I’m not much for television and prefer watching youtube or stream shows on my tablet, if I need that entertainment.

45. I have music playing every time I draw. It helps me concentrate and the lyrics often help push out what I’m trying to doodle.

46. John Gardner’s book ‘Grendel’ is one of my all time favorite reads. (And not just because I’m a fan of Gren. XD XD)

47. Metallica is the shit

48. I eat Peanut Butter like it’s never coming back to the shelves

49. I can be very mean and say hurtful things. (Get this from my father) And although it’s an ongoing battle, I’d like to say I’ve made progress

50. I have a tattoo of Otto from ‘The Simpsons’ on my right leg. He is my spirit animal. :P

51. I love Black Cats

52. My wife and I TRIED to grow our own produce, like Onions, Tomatoes, etc and well.....it failed. BIG time. XD

53. SPEAKING of Tomatoes, I hate, hate, HATE them on sandwiches or Burgers but I need Ketchup for my Fries. Go figure. :P

54.  I use to smoke cigarettes

55. I’ve been told when I make Coffee, it’s almost like drinking oil. It’s pretty damn strong but I need it!

56. I’m currently obsessed with Weezer’s attempt at the song ‘Africa’ and have replayed it well over 100 times by now. 

57. This year, I’m going to take a week off from EVERYTHING job related and just be a lazy bum. I need some me time, dammit! XD

I tag….

EVERYONE…

[bugheadfamily]

Bughead Family Discord Member Spotlight

This week the spotlight is on Cat ( @shibbycat ), our newest admin! Click the read more link below to get to know our member!

Spotlight by Mila, @jughead-jones | Graphic by Katie, @betty-cooper

Cat | @shibbycat

Name: Cat 

Age: I’m old enough to own a Sega Genesis bought in a store the year it was released, and yes. I still play it. 

Location: Northern Italy for the time being, but I’m prone to moving quite bit. 

Any other languages aside from English people can contact you in?: I can do some conversational Spanish, and I can have Eric (my husband) tell me what you’re saying in Russian.

Favourite Riverdale characters and ships?: What gave you the impression that I like Riverdale or its ships? JK. Shockingly, I’m all about that Bughead. ALL about it. I care about most of the characters & their successes/failures�� with Betty, Jughead, Veronica & Cheryl in the lead. 

Favourite moments from S1 & S2?: Wow. Talk about a Sophie’s Choice. Here goes nothing. I legit yelled at my screen during The Look in 1x02, “omG. IT’S HAPPENING.” My childhood ship was exhumed. Best day. The dynamic between Jughead & FP in 1x07 rang particularly true to me. I also took away that Jughead talks about Jellybean like she’s his kid, not his sister. It guts me every single time. The end bit where Betty & Jughead walk away together really demonstrated how close they already were as a couple. Bonus for that being the scene where it clicks with Archie his two best friends were 5000% together, & their friendships was never going to be the same. It’s a small moment but I love it. Picking one thing from Season 2??? Co-Presidents. The absolute equality in their relationship was so perfectly on point here for me. The support and respect for one another was on display in blinking neon lights. WAIT. The hospital scene. I can’t leave it off. Jughead “I’ll never stop loving you” Jones almost gets murdered & only feels bad about not being there for Betty. All that matters to Betty is Jughead getting better. Plus, down-the-face kisses. I can’t with these two. 

What are your hopes for S3?: I’m really hoping to see more of a focus on the friendships. I want to see them all work together in general & specifically, to defeat Hiram. We got to see an entire season of Hiram doing nothing but succeeding in his various nefarious causes & successfully pitting Bughead/Varchie against one another. Seeing his takedown at the hands of those whose lives & relationships he thought destroyed as they’re instead working together? Yes. Very yes. I’m of course beyond stoked for the Bughead Detective Agency & them working/growing together in their relationship & lives. Some actual fun times would be great to see. Yano, ones that don’t end in someone getting murdered or going to jail.

Other fandoms you’re into?: Besides Riverdale, I only exist in lurker status (thanks anxiety!) for fandoms, but I lurk(ed) super hard in Harry Potter (Except that I’ve totally written terrible HP fic. Really happy no one’s going to read this to know that), Reylo, Doctor Who, & Sherlock.

What are some of your favourite movies/TV?: Besides the obvious, just about everything Disney touches owns my pocketbook, dedication & continued attention. Parks & Rec, The Office (both UK & US), Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Gilmore Girls, Doctor Who, Star Trek: TNG, & Sherlock are all shows I can watch on repeat. I’m not even going to start on non-Disney movies, because I’ll be here all day.

Favourite books?: This is literally the most difficult question to answer, because books are life. I’m going to keep it brief & say “Harry Potter.” They changed my life, they saved my life, & they’re always there to welcome me home.

Favourite bands/musicians?: Favorites are so hard. I like a little something from most genres of music, but I can never turn off classic Elton John, BSB (I had full plans to marry Kevin as an 11 year old), Linkin Park, John Williams, Lady GaGa, Guns n Roses, The Killers, or Queen. Big picture wise, I’m particularly attached to Classic Rock, practically anything 80s, late 90s/early 2000s pop (I still know all the choreo to Bye Bye Bye & Oops... I Did It Again), The Great American Songbook, classical music, popular songs converted classical arrangements, and I’m a sucker for 1960s/70s R&B/soul. Long story short, I make a lot of playlists. 

If you could live in any fictional world which one would you choose and why?: Harry Potter for sure. Wands which choose you. Broomsticks which get released like new car models. Owls which deliver mail anywhere. Portkeys/Apparating/Brooms/Floo powder making travel dirt cheap/free. Butterbeer & Pumpkin Juice. If it’s not clear, I’m really into Harry Potter. OH. I also did a HP LARP a few years ago in a Polish castle, & it was the greatest thing EVER. 

Favourite food?: Oh food. How do I love thee? Let me count the ways. Seriously. I travel around just to eat. Limiting to one kind? Mexican food. I could eat it everyday. 

Favourite season?: Fall/winter. First of all, I like to wear a GRIP of layers. I’m also a big fan of being lazy & putting a beanie on over my unstyled (often unbrushed) hair. I’m also VERY into Halloween & Christmas. I decorate for both with gusto. Christmas goes up in my house the same day it does at Disneyland: 10 November. I’m also obsessed with Christmas Markets. So many quality Halloween/Christmas films too! I have an entire list of mandatory watches every year. 

Favourite plant?: Really large sunflowers with the dark red/deep orange petals. Their seeds also demonstrate the Fibonacci sequence, and I’m a human who believes math is the most beautiful thing in the entire world. 

Favourite scent?: There’s something magical smelling about old books for me. I also really enjoy the way rain smells on dry pavement when it first starts falling.

Favourite colour?: It’s been purple ever since I learned how the Phoenicians made it when I was 9. 

Favourite animal?: Cats. All kinds & sizes...except Sphynxes. & unicorns. Are you a night owl, an early bird, or a vampire?: Night owl/early bird. The insomnia is strong with this one. 

Place you want to visit?: I’ve been lucky enough to check a lot of places off my “must see” list, but Madagascar is still a life goal. OH! & to visit every single Disney park around the world. 

Do you have pets? If you do, tell us a little about them: Ah! Something I LOVE talking about. I have 3 incredibly spoiled cat children who want to cuddle all the time. That’s right. Cat loves cats. They’re all rescues, Maine Coons, and little characters to be sure. Their names are Dorcas, Knick Knack, & Elmo. We’ve had Dorky for 10 years and Elmo & Knick Knack for 9 years. Knick Knack likes to walk on a leash & paws at the door for his walk. Dorcas plays fetch with toy mice, and Elmo likes to cuddle so hard Eric is genuinely worried I’ll be suffocated by his snuggles. 

Tell us a little about yourself?: My grandma once told me that I’ve always known exactly who I am, even as a child, and I’ve let that sense-of-self guide me (not always to greatness mind you) every day. I’m an introvert with fairly crippling anxiety & depression, and I simply don’t care who knows it. If me being upfront about it can help anyone, I’m happy to do it. I’m hypercritical of myself & what I put out into the world. Being frank, honest, and sarcastic are how I say “hello,” but I’m also a firm believer in “don’t say something rude just to say something rude.” Tact is key. Encouraging people to find their own happiness & fulfillment in life are things which bring me joy. Likewise, I’d do pretty much anything for a friend, & if there’s something I can do to help them/help someone in their journey to find happiness in life, I want to do it. Uuuummm, I laugh so hard I cry a lot, and my eyeliner runs. It always makes people think I’ve been crying for real & filled with emotions. It’s awkward. I guess I’m creative? I like woodworking, pyrography, crafting, and making nerd stuff through those mediums. 

Fun or weird fact about you?: I entered my wedding reception to “The Imperial March.” It’s safe to say I’ve been a wee bit obsessed with Star Wars for longer than my Sega Genesis is old.

.

.

This is the ninth instalment of Bughead Family’s Member Spotlight series. Each week, a member’s url is selected through a randomizer and they will be featured in a spotlight post. In order to participate, please join the Bughead Discord (more information found here). Thank you.

[thismads]

                                                                                                                                                        @thishail

 HELLO BABY, you saw that coming right? you knew this whole thing was going to come up at some point right?? OKAY I hope you are okay, that you grabbed a coffee, Chinese,pizza,chocolate, anything you love just like i did with skittles lmao..because I tried to not be too long but I can’t promise you anything because there’s so much to say about you that I'll let my hands/heart/soul guide me haha..so take a sit and appreciate me being cheesy pleaseeee. 

(this gif is the perfect one hahaha)

(us being happy around each other)

Okay so it’s only 19:20 and I’m beginning this cause it might take a while hahaha. And I actually make it right and perfect..even tho I’ll never be as perfect as you are but WHO CARES? I put ur playlist on, so you’re with me so LET’S DO THIS (cheesy mood activated so be ready to cry..just kidding SMILE BEAUTY) 

(us on vacation)

First of all .. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE LOVE OF MY LIFE !! Tell them it’s her birthday, tell ‘em souljah boy, tell em hahaha, omg who knew this day would be that important to me last year around the same time.. like this is crazy how life goes. I hope you’ll have a beautiful day surrounded with your loved ones bcus you deserve it. But for now..let’s go back to the time we met alright?? 

It was in late October, early November this past year.. I was this girl talking to everyone & you came back after being gone for a while (still have no clue why you came back but bless this thought) I was the only one replying in the instant bc I was like oh a Selena anon..let’s do this. And despite a few delete posts..we always made one for each other bc we actually noticed we didn’t talk and somehow..we both missed it even tho we weren’t THAT close. I don’t know when it began to be strong.. we spend more and more time being on at the same time bc LAME asf lmao. THEN, we became this popular kid squad LMAO idk why..but if it’s bc we showed love to each other..then okay we are lmao. But I’m thankful for everything..bcus actually..we took time to learn who we really were..and we took time to appreciate our numerous common points…and our different ones. You were, are, will always be THE meeting I’ve had in years in a social media..and why? Well because of all those.

(us being happy around each other)

You are so down to earth..I think that’s one of the main reason why I Love You, you never search to be someone you are not, you don’t care about people’s past, you concentrate on knowing them in their « now » and that’s remarkable, you are so real, you are like speaking the truth all the time, you are the one I go to for advices, because I value your opinion like I’ve rarely did in my life, everything that you say is true, you respect the lines, you don’t ask much, you are like a rock we can hold on to whenever we are down or up. I had laughs with you I’ll cherish until I die. 

You are also so sweet..but like the sweetest person I’ve ever had the chance to meet. You are like a cloud, so light, your voice is like the cutest/smoothest ever, you know some people are like invasive..you actually make ME wanna share things with you, you know..EVERY TIME I feel sad, down, something happened, someone letting me down..I tell you first..and you’re actually the only I tell things like on the instant, and some thing I know I’ll share only with you because ..idk I want to. I don’t think we are able to explain how deeply we love people..because it’s beyond words, it’s feelings. 

you’re so funny/awkward as I am, that’s why we get along so freaking well, you understand me when I don’t know what to say, you get me whenever my typo let me down.. You are like « I got you babe » and this is like the most overwhelming message ever because you actually don’t force yourself, you just know, when I don’t even I feel bad you are like « are you okay » and it makes me asking the question to myself and I’m like dang she is right I ain’t okay lmao. You are also hilarious, we have fun about everything

you are like a second mom to me, you care if I go to bed late, if I eat, if I shower, if anything hahaha, you make me smile, happy ALL THE DAMN TIME DAMN. 

I don’t think you realize how amazing you are, because you truly are a gem.

You are also so intimate, like I share inside jokes, we understand each other in a blink of an eye, we most of the time share the same opinion on things, people.. NOT NAMING THEM BUT YANNOOO WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT LMAOO. And this contribute to my daily joy and happiness all day every day. 

You are so caring, adorable, beautiful inside and outside (YES GIRL YOU BOMB ASS GREEK FACE HAHA) CAN YOU BELIEVE I’M ALSO 10% GREEK? LMAO THAT’S SOOO ODD BUT YET IT’S FATE IGHT?? IGHT. So that makes us sisters for like even tho we don’t need no other confirmations that we are, we for sure were separated at birth haha 😂, you are incredible, you are such a deep person, the one we can have serious and deep convo with, because you know things, you aren’t just a paper, you are a whole ass book and that makes all the difference. 

we have so much things to accomplish like; 

TATOOS ! (And some in common) 

MATCHING PLAYLIST (DONE ✅) 

DRIVING FOR HOURS WITH OUR PLAYLISTS ON

TRAVELLING

LIVING IN LA

GIRLS NIGHT WITH HORROR MOVIES AND JUNK FOOD

TANNING IN THE POOL & GRAB A STARBUCKS ON VENICE BEACH

All those things are like a dream to me, and I’m really hoping we can achieve every one of them in a life time. Because what’s better than living with her bff in her dream city & doing all the youth things they are supposed to do, I wanna go to Coachella listening to Theweeknd, beyoncé, and all the rad music that comes on, I wanna take pics with Hailey,Kendall, Demi, Abel, fucking everyone & you because that goal?? I wanna have a job in front of the ocean, were we can work and then go relax on the beach next to the safe house. I wanna buy a life guard hoodie, spend my afternoon shopping In vintage shops, then go to VS and make fun of the body goals of the angels, I wanna buy clothes to match my fresh tan, I wanna be in the front sit with you for hours on the highway not having anytwhere to go go to Disney world, I wanna go to universal and do this movie set tour where we could take pics of the Friend’s couch, I wanna take polaroids of us having fun. I wanna go to Las Vegas and play to this money machine, I wanna grab a burger where I’ll have to order for you because such a baby. I CANT WAIT FOR THIS TO HAPPEN, because that’s where I’ll be truly happy.

(us being our dumbass self)

I also wanna meet you so freaking bad because this is like goal? Cause having a bff that live miles away from you is like nooooot the best thing ever even tho I’m sure you love me for me. V -> Vulnerable, because you have your insecurities that makes me wanna protect you at all cost like you do for me

I -> Irreplaceable, I couldn’t forget you nor replace you with someone else 

C -> Cute !! You’re the cutest human, always THAT thing to say and make the whole world so freaking happy

K -> Kind .. you never anything and anyone for granted, you always have a nice advice, you encourage me, you make me believe in myself, you make me wanna be a good person and be happy

Y -> youth, because you remind of all always the dreams and all the goal I wanna achieve and that’s the ultimate thing about a friendship

ALL THIS to say thank you..thank you for being the person that you are, thank you for the time by your side, thank you for your time, your energy wasted on a person like me, thank you for making me believing in me, thank you for reminding me that I’m not thaaaaat crazy and that what I’m feeling is real, thank you for the kindness of your words and the wiseness of your state of mind, thank you for trusting me into letting me know the real you, thank you because, thanks to you I like myself even more step by step, thank you for NEVER letting me down, you never left me in a split of sec, thank you for being also a tough ball, you are so strong despite your high anxiety that I'll try to light up when we’ll be together, thank you for letting me maturate to your contact, thank you for being here, alive, safe and sound, that you for blessing me with ur angel face, your princess attitude and your bff’s actions. Thank you for everything you did for me, and that’s not our first year meeting yet, and I feel like you did twice more than my longest time friend, so thank you. I love you more than I could ever wish to love someone. I could never thank you enough, but I promise you to be the best version of myself for ya. 

More than bff, more like soulmates..again happy birthday babygirl ! May all your wishes come true and all your dreams being achieved, and I’m gonna make sure to always stay by your side no matter what, because the person I’m the most loyal to here is you and I’d chose you over EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. I love you angel to my princess. 

To the Hailey to my Kendall, forever

[frogcoven99]

It’s time to talk about it...

CROODS A NEW AGE IS GOLDEN GLOBE NOMINATED!!!!!

I really hope it wins!!!

But of course Soul and onward are there!

I have to chose between Croods, soul, and onward!!! My guess is Soul but I really really want Croods to win!

I’ve seen soul and it’s AMAZING! Best Pixar movie since Coco. Honestly, soul was coco! It was AMAZING as coco! Amazing voice cast, Jamie Foxx and Tina Fey. I watched immediately after opening presents on Christmas. And I loved it! The thing I was not ready for...WAS JOE TURNING INTO MR.MITTENS!!! WHAT!?!? I saw when Joe woke up and I was like “oh is he in his body?” And then I see Joes body, and then I see Joe as a cat. And I was like 😳 “What...” I thought 22 was going to turn into the cat based on the trailers! Omg it was the best. It’s so funny and emotional. It’s princess and the frog (my fav Disney movie btw) and coco COMBINED! Fr! It definitely has what it takes to win!

I’ve seen onward. In fact, it was the last movie I saw in theaters before lockdown (until November and I saw croods). And I loved it. It has an amazing cast. Tom Holland and Chris Pratt. TWO AVENGERS! And a throw back cast Julia Louis-Dreyfus who played princess Atta in bugs life (the most underrated Pixar movie). It’s an amazing magical and heart warming movie. I was so hyped for this movie and it was as good as I wanted it to be. It also has what it takes to win!

For croods a new age, well...u probably can tell what my thoughts are 😂. In November, I begged and begged my parents to take me to this movie. And my dad took me after I begged and begged. I was worried if it would be like trolls world tour (which I didn’t like that much) but I saw it and it was the complete OPPOSITE! I LOVED it! It was shrek 2! It was legendary as shrek 2! It was PERFECT! I’ve never laughed during a movie so much in my LIFE! The thunder sisters, banana bro’s (which I DIED at!),the punch monkeys, EVERYTHING was hilarious! I love it so much! And eep and guy had such a beautiful romance! And then they KISSED at the end!! It’s just...THE BEST! It definitely can win!

It’s so hard for me choosing which one could win! But my best guess is Soul. What do u think will win?

[dpargyle]

Winter of My Discontents

Alright, moving on –

So this is the first day of shit weather this year where I live.  It’s weird – growing up in New York I remember the seasons – but here we only have two – winter and construction.  It goes from 80 to 40 (F) in about a week – so yesterday was 75 and sunny and I could read outside and actually talk to people and today it’s 59 and rainy and cloudy and I just wanna set everything on fire.

I fucking hate it.

Kids – I fucking hate winter.  It glooms over you – and everything goes from bright and outside to monochrome and “fuck you.”  My wheelchair can’t go over the snow and it snows here from like the beginning of November to the middle of April and all of those months here I loathe.  Summer’s ok here but you’re still surrounded by religious lunatics.  

Nobody plows their fucking sidewalk in winter so I have to literally risk my life by driving my wheelchair in the middle of roads with cars in order to cross my own godsdamn street just to get food and now this year

my Dad wants me to come into the office three times a week.  

(So – to explain my work situation – OK – so technically I’m unemployed – and that’s cuz of the stupid fucking government who says like “oh you’re making above this much money as a person in a wheelchair?  Well in that case Medicaid isn’t gonna pay for your attendants to help you get up in the morning and go to bed at night (I’d need to make, like, 25k or so a year to afford that basically)” and also if you save literally one dollar more than $2,000 at one time on all your bank accounts combined we’ll also cut your Medicaid funding for the attendants and very expensive medical equipment (my chair costs 36k every 5 years) as well!” so I’m very much hamstrung by bureaucratic bullshit) –

so in order to get around all this nonsense – I (with the help of my family) am officially unemployed but I live in an apartment that’s technically rented by my Dad’s company – and in return I write and edit (and have been for like 6 years now) an e-magazine about the 3D Printing Industry (I don’t put my name on it though because again, government…) – which is kinda interesting and has allowed me to do both that and focus on my creative work as well – and I also do some freelance writing and one time an artistic thing for the company as well – (that money gets funneled to a bank account the government doesn’t know about) but mostly I’m glad I’ve had these jobs but they’re not…I don’t get excited about them.  I know other people might, but – I’m not one of them hahaha.  I really want to work creatively, but you know…)

In any case, while my Dad does run the main company as CEO he didn’t hire me – it wasn’t his idea – the owner of the company (who has lots of $$$) – after a year of me searching for jobs after college (very unsuccessfully) called me up one day and was like “you’re doing this for us now” and I needed to move out of my folks’ house ASAP so I was like “OK” –

But now my Dad wants me to come in to the office on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays – and I totally understand his reasoning (he’s trying to help me out) – he thinks that if I’m in the office other people there will involve me more in freelance-type work and I’ll be able to earn more $ - and this is probably true – and he also wants me to “get out of your warren” – cuz he knows my brother was basically the only person I interacted with socially in this entire city on any regular basis and now that he’s gone, well….

So my Dad seems to think being social with the other workers or something will be good for me? I mean maybe he’s right but I know everyone in there and they’re all super old and while they’re very nice I don’t have much in common with them and even if I did it’s still super awkward cuz I’m the boss’s son and it’s just awkward – I mean this is part of the reason why my brother left anyway – he worked there for three years but after those three years he was ready to not work at his Dad’s company anymore – and plus he and his wife fuckin hated Utah anyway and I don’t blame them at all I mostly hate it too haahahaha (cries)…

Though if I’m being honest anywhere I’d live I’d probably find all the flaws in real quick…

But maybe somewhere like California where actual things happen and I don’t have to fucking war against winter every year…

Cuz like I’ve tried the work many days a week with a commute in this city – and in summer it’s ok – there’s a very good tram-line system and I’m close to a station (for this purpose) – but in winter…

So for the first year I lived in Salt Lake I was working the magazine job and I was also working at the local Apple Store as well and that winter I literally nearly died commuting cuz I was super tired all the time (my fatigue tolerance level is super low) and dealing with customers and then doing the magazine job and then I was trying to write a book in my free time (it was the first one I wrote and it was complete shit but I’m proud of it cuz it was the first thing I’d ever finished) but I was basically operating at only 15% power and then one night I was on the train platform and there was ice and I slipped off it and half my wheelchair and I fell into the gap between the platform and the train and if that train operator hadn’t seen me he would’ve pulled out of the station and I woulda been warm meat paste…

(I nearly die at least six times a year…)

And that was the night I decided I’d quit that Apple job cuz no job is worth that hellish commute.

Even in subtler ways, though the winter is a killer for me here – there are days when the weather or the pressure changes and my right shoulder (the arm I drive my power wheelchair with) is in so much agony I can hardly move at all – and this lasts 2 or 3 days sometimes 4 –

and then they have these frikken godsforsaken mines here and we’re in this bowl-shaped valley so they mine all this dust into the air and so there’s this inversion here in winter and you can literally visibly see the dust in the air and your throat burns for like four months straight and it’s like the fuckin dust bowl or something god I hate unregulated red states…

And to top it all off, when I travel a lot in the cold my feet rub against my shoes which happened when I commuted to the apple store and by the end of that year I had sores on my heels that took 6 months to heal and in that time one of my best friends from high school died and I couldn’t travel to his funeral because I couldn’t even get out of my door and….I hated myself for that – I’d let him down (again.)

To be honest with you – when I first got offered that job at Apple I was so proud and happy and excited – I’d been looking for a job for a year after college and I looked everywhere – all over the world – in every industry I could think of – and there was just nothing.  Nobody even offered me an interview before they did – and I have self-esteem issues anyway so I started thinking – like – is it cuz I’m in a wheelchair?  Is that why nobody wants me?  (I really have issues dealing with any kind of rejection because of this…)

But then Apple came along and said “Yes!”  And I was like OMG this is amazing – I’m doing retail but it’s gonna be in an interesting (kind of) industry and I’m gonna work with young peeps like me and I’m gonna do creative stuff in my free time and slowly work my way up the ladder and I’m still young I got tons of time to do everything and be everywhere I wanna be going…and then the month before I had the job orientation with Apple my old high school friend had the sudden accident which would lead to his passing a few months later – and….nothing mattered like it had anymore…

He was hovering between life and death all the way in New York and I was in Utah doing…what? Selling expensive crap to rich Mormons? Nothing made sense anymore.  For six years before that point I’d been an insufferable evangelical Christian zealot – and although for two years my faith had been wavering due to me beginning to question its draconian teachings – at that point I still had it – but then this happened and very quickly what little faith I’d been holding onto died with my friend.  

I’m glad I’ve grown in my empathy and inclusiveness since then – but on the other hand, I feel I’ve lost something…

And then a month after my friend’s accident I had to present myself to Apple and be an enthusiastic team player filled with evangelism for the products and I just…I couldn’t do it…I remember that week so vividly too cuz that was the week George Lucas sold Lucasfilm to Disney and they announced they were doing MORE STAR WARS and I was like holy fuck that’s what I wanna do – maybe not necessarily Star Wars (though !!!) – but telling stories and weaving myths – and making a thing that MATTERED to people – that moved them and shook them and changed them and nourished them and gave them some godsdamned fucking hope in this unjust world…

But I was stuck here in Utah…

So I started writing that book and I pushed myself so incredibly hard cuz literally by that point it was the only thing that mattered to me and made sense – feeling like I’d been put on this Earth to make art and I wasn’t gonna waste anymore time because maybe I didn’t have anymore time, you know?

And like I couldn’t connect with my coworkers – they were my age but many of them were Mormons with whole families they were supporting and most of the rest (save for my good friend @soundscomplicated) – I just…it was hard to connect to.  In college I’d been surrounded by interesting people who challenged my brain and soul parts (at least sometimes – though academia drove me nuts) …but now….now I was stuck in the wasteland with no way out…

I finished the book and it was crap but at least I’d done something.  Then I made that personal safety decision to quit Apple and for the last four years I’ve been working from home…

And this past year or so I finally began to put it all together again maybe – my drawing skills were improving – I was writing another book that scared the crap outta me (but that was a good thing) – about a group of nerds who lost someone close to them and whose worlds were turned upside down as a result – where the protagonist was a kid in a wheelchair like me and for the first time I felt like I was writing something IMPORTANT that MATTERED that might move people – letting out all my pain and hope and regret and love -

But then I sent it out to potential agents and waited and waited and waited for months and months and literally none of them even sent me a solid rejection.  It was all just nothingness into the void.  I understand they get so many submissions though so I tried not to take it personally –

And I decided this story and these words that I’d finished were important enough for me to publish on Amazon – so I did – and it was one of the proudest moments of my life (this was back in April or so) but then – nobody bought it.  And it’s not like I expected to make out like gangbusters – I don’t know anything about marketing or being social media savvy (I mean just witness the godsdamned length of this friggen post hahaha) – but I thought at least everyone in my extended family would buy it – but nope. It sold like 11 copies.  Let’s just say I will love those 11 people forever but I just…

Like I’d killed myself over this fucking book.  I went down into the deepest parts of my soul and ripped them out for all the world to see – I didn’t do anything but this book.  I did my paying work for the company but hanging out with people other than my brother sometimes?  I didn’t have time.  I didn’t have the energy.

In the flesh connections are so hard and when you’re working on something you truly believe in – well – you feel compelled to WORK WORK WORK and where was I gonna meet people here anyway?  

This story mattered more than my own happiness.

And now that it hasn’t done well?  What was it all for?  Really? It’s not that I’m not totally effing proud of what came out – I am – probably more than any other art I’ve ever made – but…I dunno I guess I just have delusions of grandeur for myself…sometimes I feel like if I’m not Shakespeare – if I can’t support myself with my art – I’m a failure.  

I’ve failed.  My life has been a waste!

And then I sit back and I try to remind myself that’s an incredibly toxic and terrible way of thinking but at this point I literally can’t help it…

I don’t know what to work on next creatively.  And now I’m having to spend more time away from my creative stuff and I don’t want to – I really don’t give a shit about the meager extra money I’m gonna get by going into the office – I want those hours I’m gonna waste there back!  I don’t want to spend more hours not doing what I was born on this earth to do.

That probably sounds super privileged of me and I’m lucky to be where I am and blah blah blah but I just……and when the winter really comes and there’s snow on the ground I literally will not be able to go to the office (or even leave my apartment easily for that matter) and my Dad understands that – but I just…

Maybe I just don’t want to do that stuff anymore?  I’m probably coming across as a super lazy and ungrateful person – and I am, but…

I just don’t have many friends here anyway and spending energy on commuting is just not gonna help that at all and I see no way out and I’m literally crying as I type this and I want OUT OUT OUT so bad but I don’t know what that means or what that looks like and I am cold and scared and lonely and tired and

For the past month it’s been warm and sunny and I’ve had Blondie to distract me from all this pain and mounting mediocrity and it’s been nice cuz I haven’t really had a crush in the flesh since college – like literally the last girl I allowed myself to fall for is now married with two kids hahaha and that night I got my head stuck in the fridge and I didn’t say this in the original post but

I was literally kind of sobbing because my brother was leaving (he’s gone now) and I don’t have many good friends (especially here) and my book I cared so much about fucking crashed and burned and I put my fucking soul into that thing and it wasn’t good enough I’M NEVER GOOD ENOUGH and then my chair crapped out and I was about to die and I cried for like an hour (I haven’t cried like that in like seven years – since before my friend died) but then I stopped crying cuz Leia’s Theme came on my shuffle and it gave me some hope so instead of crying I was yelling and then somebody busted open my front door

And she was literally an angel and just sweet and all my everything just washed away and everything was OK but now – it’s just – that distraction is fading away and I am facing my reality and…

As with every winter here, I am growing restless…

[pixelpoff]

Do all the Autumn asks :0

pumpkin spice: what’s your drink of choice?:

Mmmm root beer! (And I really love the peach tea we sell at work)

wool socks: what’s something you look forward to in fall?:

Answered!

falling leaves: you’re stranded on a desert island and here’s the twist; what three things do you NOT bring with you?:

Omg. I don’t bring a poisonous spider, clamato juice, or the plague.

smelly candles: what’s your absolute favorite scent?:

I love the Black Cherry Merlot scent that Bath and Body Works has ommmmggg. Also I love LOVE vanilla scented things!

big sweaters: do you prefer the cold, warmth, or a perfect in-between?:

In between of course!

halloween: if you could dress up as anyone/ anything and pull it off absolutely flawlessly, who/what would it be?:

In a real world sense, I love Zendaya’s style. In an imaginary sense, I want to be princess p e a c h

cozy blankets: where do you feel the most safe and at home?:

My home haha. All bad feelings go away when I’m home and in my room. 

And y’know, it’s kinda crazy, cause being in my old bedroom doesn’t feel safe and good anymore. But my current bedroom does. It’s like moving rooms gave me a “new start” and it’s wonderful.

hot tea: when was the last time you kissed someone (if you haven’t had your first kiss, who would you like that first someone to be?):

My last kiss happened on September 25th ♥ My next one should be happening in about 80 days from now c:

flannel: what’s your favorite day of the year? is there a reason it’s your favorite?:

It’s hard to pick one day haha! Um, I guess it’s a tie between my birthday and Christmas; leaning more towards Christmas. My birthday because whether I have to work that day or not, I get lovely messages from everyone that cares about me! (And also presents hehe) And that makes me feel special! Christmas, because it’s the one day a year where all my family gets together and... nothing is wrong. There’s always tension and arguing between family members all the time, but when Christmas comes, it’s like we all reach a silent agreement to love each other haha and that’s nice.

chilly air: what’s your least favorite and favorite type of weather?:

Least fave is the HEAT. THE 115 ARIZONA SUMMERS. HATE THAAAAT. Fave weather is the fall, like October/November, when the sun is out, but you get a cool breeze, and cool evenings.

scarves: if you could only wear one outfit for the rest of your life what would it be?:

Hhhhh I love clothes tho lol. I guess I’d wear my black cactus shirt with my jean shorts! And maybe my Borderlands hat with it hehe

apple cider: if you could throw a party, and invite absolutely anyone, who would they be?:

MY SALT GALS!!! THAT’S WHAT I WANT!!!

haunted houses: what’s your scariest memory? (if you don’t have one/ don’t want to talk about it, what’s your biggest fear?):

I don’t wanna talk about that, so my biggest fear is losing the people closest to me.

fuzzy boots: if you could live in any year/era, which would it be and why?:

The year where I can go to heaven and say seeya to this big ol rock

thanksgiving: what is something/someone you’re the most thankful for? any particular reason?:

I gotta say I’m most thankful to Bram. He’s just so sweet and understanding and loving and patient, even if I feel like I don’t deserve any of that. He helps me be brave and helps me be comfortable. He makes me happy. ♥

black friday: what is one thing, if anything, you would sell your soul to own?:

a heckin pINK CAR with D.Va decals and accessories and just.. ,, A PINK D.VA CAR.

apple picking: if you could go anywhere, where would it be and why?:

To Washington to live with Bram forever. (Also Tokyo Disney with Bram)

corn mazes: do you have any secret talents/abilities?:

mmmm I can kinda juggle. That’s it lol

hay rides: if you could pick absolutely anything to be your form of transportation, what would it be?:

A teleporter???

the color orange: do you have a specific song that reminds you of autumn? what is it?:

Tbh, some Animal Crossing songs remind me of autumn! 

windy nights:if you could go to any concert whose would it be?:

STARBOMB AND NSP/TWRP

holding hands: do you believe in soulmates?:

Kinda? I believe there’s a few people out there that are quite close to perfect for you. And I believe that, if a relationship/marriage is something very important to you, God has a plan to have you meet one of those perfect people when you’re both ready.

[damonsbitchx]

I'm really tired and I'm definitely crazy but all of them for the number ask thing

Holy shit Esther, okay. Um thanks lol You’re awesome, I love you so much omg.

Answers below the cut bc I’m feeling nice tonight.

1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up.

1. “How Does A Moment Last Forever” - Kevin Kline (Beauty and The Beast)

2. “Belle” - Emma Watson, Luke Evans, Ensemble (Beauty and The Beast)

3. “Make You Miss Me” - Sam Hunt

4. “Beauty And The Beast” - Ariana Grande & John Legend (Lol Beauty and The Beast)

5. “Impossible” - James Aurthur

6. “Aria” - Audra McDonald (Beauty and The Beast)

2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be?

Um lets see Jared Padalecki, my soulmate @the-thirteenthhour, tumblr mom Morgan @assbutt-still-in-hell, and a whole lot of my other Tumblr peeps

3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17.

“It was unsettling to watch.”

4) What do you think about most?

I think the thought that pops into my head the most is “keep fighting.” I think about it a lot.

5) Ever had a poem or song written about you?

I think someone wrote a song about me once, but they said they lost the paper and I never got to see it. Other than that, I don’t think so.

6) Do you have any strange phobias?

Um yeah, spiders, clowns, spiders, clowns, and did I mention SPIDERS AND CLOWNS?

7) What’s your religion?

I’m a cradle Catholic.

8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing?

I’m most likely sitting out side for some peace and quiet. Whether it’s snowing, sunny, and especially when it’s raining, I’ll just sit outside and close my eyes.

9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band?

Well I’m not really big on bands or anything, but I really like Panic At The Disco.

10) What was the last lie you told?

I don’t remember

11) Do you believe in karma?

Yeah, but I dont like to let her have all the fun, y’know?

12) What does your URL mean?

Sam Winchester is a reason that I’m alive. Therefore, it’s kind of an answer to a question. “Why are you alive?” - “Because Sam Winchester.”

13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength?

I think my greatest weakness is how in touch with my emotions I am, it can be problematic at times. I think my greatest strength is my ability to listen and understand people, which in turn, allows me to effectively give advice.

14) Who is your celebrity crush?

JARED PADALECKI

15) How do you vent your anger?

I usually go for a walk or cry it out by myself. If I ever vent to someone then you know I’ve reached my limit.

16) Do you have a collection of anything?

I had a collection of plastic horse toys, kind of like Breyers, but I gave them to my sister. 

17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become?

I’m not completely content with who I am yet, but I am working on it. I’m happy with how far I’ve come though.

18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love?

I hate the sound of people chewing and sniffing all their snot in, instead of blowing it out like a sensible person ????? I love the sound of rain and thunder storms, I also love the sound of violins and wire string guitars.

19) What’s your biggest “what if”?

What if one day I’m not strong enough to fight anymore?

20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens?

21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm.

22) Smell the air. What do you smell?

Idk what it is, but it’s got a slightly sweet smell. I think it’s Raspberry Jam.

23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to?

One of the worst places I’ve been was probably the wake of my baby niece when I was real small. I can’t remember anything else.

24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender?

The most attractive male singers I’ve ever heard sing are obviously Jensen Ackles and Jared Padalecki.

25) To you, what is the meaning of life?

Idk about meaning, I don’t know if life has a meaning. I do think everyone has a purpose though.

26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed?

I don’t drive yet. Too lazy to get my permit lol as well as the fact that where I live you have to log 100 hours behind the wheel with an adult present in order to get your license unless you’re 18, I am not.

27) What was the last movie you saw?

I’m watching Moana right now.

28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had?

I tore my ACL (a ligament at the back of the knee) a year ago.

29) Do you have any obsessions right now?

Supernatural, Tumblr, writing, singing, Disney Movies, the ocean, Jared Padalecki/Sam Winchester, acting.

30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?

Yep

31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong?

I hold grudges for a while, but after so long it gets tiring and pointless. However, if one does not seek forgiveness before I get tired of holding a grudge, they will be cut out of my life. I don’t need that negativity just because you’re too full of yourself to apologize for whatever you did.

32) What is your astrological sign?

Sagittaius

33) What’s the last thing you purchased?

I purchased a thing of Ocean themed earrings.

34) Love or lust?

Love

35) In a relationship?

Yeah, with Netflix. 

36) How many relationships have you had?

None

37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you?

I am very good at reading people, so I lay low for a while and watch. Once I get a good feel for someone I can adjust my personality to fit theirs. It’s why I get along with so many different kinds of people.

38) Where is your best friend?

I have a few. One of them is an entire state away. One of them lives 5 minutes from me, the other two live about 20-25 minutes from me. At this moment, I don’t know specifically where any of them are.

39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM?

Sleeping

40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend?

Yeah, sometimes. 

41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do?

Save the dog. I’ll explain it to my boss and if they fire me I can find a new job. I can always find a new job, but that one life is the only one the dog will get. Also, I’m just a big softy.

42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? b) What do you do with your remaining days? c) Would you be afraid?

(a) I don’t think I would tell anyone, at least not immediately. I wouldn’t want to be treated like I’m dying during my last days. I suppose I could tell a few very close people though, I just don’t want to be smothered.

(b) I would drop all the unnecessary responsibilities I have and start doing things that I want to do, but subtly. Still don’t want to be treated like I’m dying.

© I don’t know if I would be afraid. I like to think I wouldn’t, I might just be more sad than afraid. Sad to think about my friends and family having to live without me, sad I won’t get to do half the things I always dreamed of doing.

43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

“Brother” - NEEDTOBREATHE ft. Gavin DeGraw 

&

“Simple Man” - Cover by Jensen Ackles

44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship?

A great romantic relationship should consist of communication, understanding, and honesty. Boundaries should be respected, you should always admit when you are wrong and never leave the house or go to sleep mad at each other. The mindset should be best friends before lovers. You should always want what is best for your partner, but always remember to care for yourself too.

45) How can I win your heart?

It’s pretty easy. If you can make me laugh, but also take part in a deep, soul-searching conversation we’re practically married. 

46) Can insanity bring on more creativity?

Absolutely

47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far?

The single best decision I’ve made in my life so far was learning to take care of me first.

48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone?

“Don’t worry bitches, I’ll be back.” Probably not that, but I think it would be funny. Maybe something more like “Here lies: Your mom…. lol jk it’s just me, [insert full name]”

49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.”

All that came to mind was Sam Winchester. *shrug*

50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors?

Green

51) What is your current desktop picture?

A sea turtle

52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be?

I’d say probably this kid named Billy who goes to my church. If you met him you would know why.

53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on?

Oh god, okay well a lot of the time I would be afraid to tell the truth when people ask me if I’m okay. lol but don’t go asking me if I’m okay or anything after you read this cause that’s not cool.

54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power?

Oh, hell yeah, I would totally want super strength or laser eyes.

55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again?

I think I would relive the half-hour chunk of time from my 5th birthday party when me and my best friend at the time were outside in the cold November fog riding a miniature pony. There were other kids there, but only her and I were excited about it and I would honestly give anything to go back a relive that innocent bliss.

56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be?

I think I would erase having to lose my horse just March of this year.

57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be?

I would probably sleep with Demi Lovato or Sabrina Carpenter. This is kind of a hard question because usually I only know singers for their music, not their looks or anything.

58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go?

Obviously, I’d go to see my soulmate. Although, I would have to be strategic about this. I think i would drive to go get her and then buy her ticket (bc mine’s free) and we’d go see mom. ( @assbutt-still-in-hell )

59) Ever been on a plane?

No, I don’t really want to, but I probably will at some point.

60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities.

1. Jared Padalecki

2. Jensen Ackles

3. Misha Collins

4. Gal Gadot

5. Ian Somerhalder (and Genevieve Padalecki, why tf do I only get 5????)

What can I say except you’re WELCOME! Thanks for the questions, they only took me an hour and half to do lol.

[j-rock-on]

All of them XD

You wanna find out some personal shit?

Put a number in my ask box and I’ll answer it bitches.

1. Any scars?

Yeah, from cutting, climbing trees, and my cats. 

2. Self harmed?

Yeah.

3. Crush?

Ich will Cion. XD

4. Kissed anyone?

Only my cats.

5. Coke or Pepsi?

UHHHM. I went from Pepsi, to Coke, to Pepsi again. I like diet, lol.

6. Someone you hate?

Onision. XD

7. Best Friends?

@tsukinokodestruction I only have 1 omg.

8. Have you ever done alcohol or drugs?

Nope.

9. What’s your dream job?

Mortician.

10. Ever been in love?

Yes, with my cats.

11. Last time you cried?

I don’t cry. *manly voice*

12. Favorite color?

Black.

13. Height?

5′4″

14. Birthday?

November 30th.

15. Eye color?

Brown.

16. Hair color?

Naturally brown, but half is dyed blonde-ish white-ish.

17. What do you love?

MY CATS… and Cion *cough*… and of course @tsukinokodestruction

18. Obsession?

J-Rock/Visual Kei. ♥

19. If you had one wish, what would it be?

Oh shit, this question is deep. UHHHM…. I would wish for all stray cats to find loving homes. ☺

20. Do you love someone?

I believe this has already been answered?

21. Kiss or hug?

Niether (unless it’s for my cats, then BOTH).

22. Nicknames people call you?

Lala. But I hate it lmao.

23. Favorite song?

It’s hard to choose, and it changes from time to time, but right now it’s “A Little Piece of Heaven”, by Avenged Sevenfold.

24. Favorite band?

Currently, Avenged Sevenfold (A7X). XD

25. Worst thing that has ever happened to you?

losing one of my cats a few years ago.

26. Best thing that has ever happened to you?

My cats. XD

27. Something you would change about yourself?

Oh god… A lot.

28. Ever dated someone?

No.

29. Worst mistake?

Uhh… Not buying that jacket I wanted in Disney World because I was being cheap!

30. Watch the movie or read the book?

… Movie. XD

31. Ever had a heartbreak?

Thankfully, No.

32. Favorite show?

The Walking Dead.

33. Best day of your life?

Probably the day I got my cats. ☺

34. Any talents?

Uh.. Um.. No… Well I’m good at those slot thingies that they have in Casinos, but I forget what they’re called.

35. Do you wish you could ever start over?

All the time…

36. Any bad habits?

I had a few growing up.

37. Ever had a near death experience?

I think so. This big fat creepy bald guy looked like he was going to kill me, but then his family came and got him… o - o creepy.

38. Someone I can tell anything to?

@tsukinokodestruction

39. Ever lost a loved one?

Yeah, my cat Smoki. I miss him.40. Do you believe in love?

No.

41. Someone you hate/Dislike?

Answered.

42. Are you okay?

I’m never okay.

43. Relationship status?

Pringles. X3

44. Selfie?

I can’t attach a photo for some reason, so I’ll just post one and tag you. c:

Thanks! ♥

[iwantasecretgarden]

Taggetytagtag

DoBrought up by the freaking awesome and strong @nachodiablo

Rules: Answer all questions, add one question of your own and tag as many people as there are questions.

1. Coke or Pepsi: Diet Coke in a glass of ice or a can or a bottle or a fountain or anywhere, always. “Is Pepsi okay?” is probably the worst sentence in all of human history.

2. Disney or Dreamworks: Disney Renaissance (90s kid)

3. Coffee or tea: Coffee. I want to like tea, but it’s leaf water. And drinking it tastes like hot leaves. I try and I try and yet still...clogged pool filter in a cup.

4. Books or movies: Books. Books, I’ve never seen so many books in all my life. Best weapons in the world. But seriously in 2016 I read 42 books - didn’t quite get to my 52 I had hoped for as my upper goal, but far surpassed the 25 I had planned.

5. Windows or mac: Mac since birth. Born with my dad getting me a tiny apple jumper as he used the old timey rainbows apple with the startup OS face.

6. DC or Marvel: Marvel characters are deeper and more interesting, especially because I WANT to like Wonder Woman but every single writer just changes her backstory and nothing is consistent and I hate that. X-Men are my favorite because it’s embracing difference in an exclusive, bigoted world.

7. X-box or Playstation: I wasn’t allowed to play video games because my parents thought they would make me violent so now I’m WOEFULLY AWFUL at them. But does Wii Lego games count? Because I really like Wii Lego Harry Potter. I know. I know. But it’s actually adorable. I also play Wii Lego LOTR and Batman and Star Wars (but SW one sucks).

8. Dragon age or Mass effect: Er...what. 

9. Night owl or early riser: I do better working at night because I like to have an hour or so to wake up. So if I leave at 9 I get up at 6:30 so I can drink coffee and blink awake and watch a tv show before doing chores and getting ready.

10. Cards or chess: Cards - more for the memories that accompany them and because I’m hellishly impatient for Chess.

11. Chocolate or vanilla: Vanilla not because I’m vanilla but because chocolate can either be overwhelming or when in ice cream doesn’t taste like chocolate? Like why? It tastes like mystery brown flavor and I’m not into that.

12. Vans or converse: Converse for life. Black. With doodles on the white parts. Quotes and drawings. Being a cool kid way past the age I could pull it off (since I never could). I also have a blue pair that I drew the TARDIS on during the DW fanvolution but now don’t wear because they don’t match.

13. Lavellan, Trevelyan, Cadash, or Adaar: I feel dumb. I don’t know what these are. 

14. Fluff or angst: Angsty fluff. Like when the angst drenches your soul and in the darkest moment someone says the right thing that no one in real life has ever said to you and it’s like a sweet sweet salve. 

15. Beach or forest: Forest. I hate sand. I’m stupid annakin. And deep in my heart of hearts I’m still the wolf girl I was at 13 where I wore braces and boys jeans and tie dyed wolf t-shirts and braids in my hair with a bunch of friendship bracelets and wanted to be a psychic dragon rider or be raised by sentient wolves. So in the end...it’d be untrue to my nature (and to my secret shame wolf patronus) to not say forest where I used to dream of running away and finding my true pack.

16. Dogs or cats: I have two greyhounds (Fred & George), and a cat - Gandalf. That way I can introduce the bunch as Gandalf (and) the Greyhounds. Yeah. I’m serious. PM me for picture proof or check out insta @greyhoundgeorge

17. Clear skies or rain: Rain when I have nowhere to BE. If I can stay home and eat hot popcorn and drink cold water and snuggle on a couch under the blankets and put on an old movie or quiet film scores and pick up a book I want to read all in one go. That’s a little corner of heaven right there. But clear skies if I am going out to do something - if I’m doing something stressful and knowing I can go outside after to let the sun drench into the skin of my face and smile and take a breath and get a cold diet coke and congratulate myself on being brave and finishing out.

18. Cooking or eating out: Depends. Depends on how lazy I am and how broke I am and how hungry I am. I like cooking when I’m really hungry because then I can personalize everything to my own tastes and having leftovers I know will be yummy later. When I eat out/order take out I’m eating it all. Don’t be foolish.

19. Spicy food or mild food: Spicy food. Make my nose rain. I once drank a bowl of salsa in a Mexican restaurant. Like in Beauty & the Beast. Bowl to my mouth. Drank it down. My sisters hissed at me to stop. It was so good. So I drank theirs too.

20. Halloween/samhain or solstice/yule/christmas: Solstice, Yule, ***Christmas*** I am so into Christmas. I’m the dumbass that starts listening to carols too early in November. I’m wearing sweaters and sweating. I’m getting my peppermint hot chocolate. I’m the one viciously stalking that Christmas feeling that seems to get farther and farther away the older you get. Because I want it to last forever. I want to make sure my little sisters never lose it.

21. Would you rather forever be a little too cold or a little too hot: Too cold. I’m already hot all the time. It’s hell. And I sweat through my clothes and that’s embarrassing and uncomfortable. At least when I’m cold people feel pity for you. When you’re hot all the time everyone looks at you like a freak.

22. If you could have a superpower, what would it be: Hallucination/Projection. I’d be called “Storyteller” or “Story” and if I wanted you to think you were on a beach in Aruba, you would really see and feel it. I would be able to travel for free, protect myself through a veneer, and never have to harm anyone. And I could taste all food however I wanted even if it was just celery. I could look how I want to look, dress how I want to dress, make my world the reality I want.

23. Animation or live action: Live action. I think the nuances of character actors and their expressions bring something to a film that evokes a sympathetic response in the brain that cannot (currently) be copied in animation.

24. Paragon or renegade: Again. I’m a silly person who has no idea what this is.

25. Baths or showers: SHOWERS. Hot showers. Baths - like tea - are just stewing in dirt. In your own dirt. In a tub where you get to look at your knees and rest your wet head against the hard tile. Ew.

26. Team cap or team ironman: Captain America forever. Stucky and Steggy forever.

27. Fantasy or sci-fi: Fantasy at my heart of hearts. It appeals to my wolfgirl nature. But I’m an equal opportunist and love Sci Fi. Just watch out for those weird 1950s fantasy/sci fi crossovers about colonizing planets cuz those get WEIRD.

28. Do you have three or four favourite quotes, if so what are they:

"Do small things with great love.” - Mother Teresa

“Courage, dearheart.” - C.S. Lewis

“Don’t worry. Don’t worry.  Look up at the ceiling and breathe with those curiously fragile lungs and remind yourself don’t worry. All as it was meant to be. It was meant to be lonely, and terrifying, and unfair, and fleeting. Don’t worry.” - Welcome to Nightvale

29. Youtube or netflix: Netflix or Amazon Video yo

30. Harry Potter or Percy Jackson: Yeahhhh see I was too old when PJ came out. My youngest sister was reading it and even she thought it was under her age level. So HARRY POTTER FOREVER FOOLS. I mean, I cannot stress how much our family loves HP. We had a year when my youngest sister turned 11 she had a welcome to Hogwarts party in March, my family surprised me with a Horcrux Hunt 17th birthday Coming of Age in April, and my other sister turned 14 and got a Triwizard Cup party in May. My Mom listens to HP on Audible every night before bed. She can literally quote the first book word for word. We went to HP Wizarding World in FL before it opened on special passes when I was 19. If my mother wouldn’t murder us, our entire family would have matching HP tattoos. I write Marauders book fanfiction for my entire family to read and critique. We have sorted ourselves and own everything in our respective houses (a split R/G family). It’s our dream to go to Leaky Con together. We all have complete uniforms. Not just the robes. All of it. We know all the spells, have played all the dumb computer 2001 games and Wii games and Pottermore before it was lame and basically omg. HP FOR LIFE. (or LOTR). 

31. When you feel accomplished: When someone acknowledges I saw the problem and solution immediately but everyone else tried a bunch of things first and eventually realized I was right. #INTJ

32. Star Wars or Star Trek: I am very into both, and both my sisters have hard core taken a position on each camp. But if I had to choose, I would say Star Trek because of the massive cultural shift it caused, especially in featuring multi-racial characters and women in positions of science and power.

33. Paperback books or hardback books: Paperback if I’m reading it the first time and Idk if i’ll like it but then I want hardback (leatherbound tbh) of everything I’ve ever loved and read for my library I want to own like in B&B. 

34. Horror or rom-com: Ughhhhhhhh both suck. But I only like cerebral horror (like Sixth Sense) or intellectual horror (like Hannibal) because physical horror (torture), gross horror (teeth losing and pus), jump horror (basic) really aren’t interesting to me so I GUESS I’ll say rom-com.

35. TV shows or movies: TV shows streaming so I can binge them. Yep.

36. Favorite animal: Tigers! I’m so into tigers and know so much about them. The ONLY tiger fact I’ll bore you with right now is that lion roars are much shallower due to being lighter weight with less lung capacity so for the Lion King whenever the lions roar, it’s actually tiger roars to sound more macho.

37. Favorite genre of music: Alt rock or indie - coldplay, mumford, snow patrol, frank turner, damien rice, the wonder years, etc. 

38. Least favorite book: I know people are really into it now, but when I read it A Separate Peace sucked balls and everyone agreed. Also I once read this terribly written horror book Neverwhere. Actually I’ve read several such poorly written books that it honestly gives me hope that I can be an author if these dingbats can.

39. Favourite season: Winter before Christmas

40. Song that’s currently stuck in your head:  Help by the Beatles

41. What kind of pyjama’s do you wear: Old t shirt (usually huge) and pj pants or shorts

42. How many existential crisis do you have on an average day: Lol so many. Depends on the day. More like “my life is confusing and I have no idea what’s happening and everything is a chain reaction that hasn’t begun and I’m holding my breath praying for a fallout that’s marginally okay.”

43. If you can only choose one song to be played at your funeral, what would it be: “Penny Lane,” by the Beatles

44. Favourite theme song to a TV show: Buffy the Vampire Slayer or (honestly) Magic School Bus or Jimmy Neutron

45. Harry Potter movies or books: Books, where the inaccuracies aren’t too many to count

46. Favorite traditional food from your family: Tamales

47. Favorite decade from 1900-now: 1990s. But only 90s kids remember the 90s.

48. Worst habit? Thinking I can do it all.

49. Teach an old person to use the internet or stay for a week with a kid stuck in the “why” phase?: Kids. I love kids. Why phases are great. Sometimes I never outgrew mine, and adults always brush them off without actually taking time to explain why satisfactorily.  50. Who’s your favorite painter?: Claude Monet. 

51. Favourite flower?: Roses (trite) or bluebonnets. 

52. Boots or sneakers?: Sneakers now - boots in fall.

53. Abroad or at home?: Home if I could magically go back in time when “home” was everything I wanted and not a place to visit my mom in my old room with no clothes or friends.

54. Planning or spontaneity? Planning! But occasional spontaneity. 

55. Boxers or briefs? Boxers so that I can wear them as pajama shorts.

56. Hogwarts house? Better be...Gryffindor! 

I’m not tagging 56 people, so if you’d like to do this, tag me so I can read them! If you don’t want to, then just enjoy learning more about me. If it’s more than you wanted to know (and it probably is) feel free to ignore.

[kag-san]

i was tagged to answer 11 questions by the super kind @adorableears7 (and read their 11 answers!!! you seem like the absolute coolest person from ur answers and congrats on ur dream job!!!! you worked hard and def deserve it!)

i don’t rly have time to tag anyone, but if you want to answer them too go for it please!!!!!! @ me and ill check it out! i love finding out more abt you guys!

and here’s my answers under the cut :)

How did you get into fandom? What was your catalyst to finding the tumblr community? when inuyasha first came out the ONLY THING i wanted was to be in it lmao so i had this brilliant plan to make a geocities site and write fanfics with my self insert oc so that rumiko takahashi could see it, and when she realized how AWE INSPIRING AND INCREDIBLE my oc was, i would give her permission to add me to the series. that didn’t happen. then i fell out of love with the series bc i thought i was too mature/cool for it anymore but then i rly wanted to make gifs from it for my main blog and through that i met @mirsan and she was the catalyst to making an iy blog hehe

What’s your favourite part about your favourite fandom? i just love that in the iy fandom, we still rly love a series that ended 7 years ago but are still super active and unabashed in our love for it

If you could spend the day with any fictional character, who would it be and why? SANGO!!!! i just...i just love anyone that is dedicated and passionate, and has good morals and tries to do good even when its the most difficult thing in the world. plus clothes shopping w her? yas

What fictional character has had the biggest impact on your life or has inspired you the most? so...probably yusaku godai from maison ikkoku? i read the manga when i was ~13 but seeing him struggle through college, work towards employment, and just balancing that with everyday life set the framework for me. anytime i struggled in school or job hunting, i thought abt how rough he had it and found...idk solace in not feeling alone?

Talk about your favourite book (I KNOW IT’S HARD but if you had to pick one) oh man......i haven’t read anything in a LONG time but i REALLY loved the wheel of darkness, and it opened me up to the agent penderghast series. i also read white fire, but wheel of darkness was better by MILES

Do you have any accomplishments or anything in your life you feel the most proud of? MAN!!!! last november i got my dream job of being a software engineer and ive already completed ~6 projects, so i’ve been over the moon since then. im really stressed out and nervous a lot, but so far it’s been great! as long as i move up in a STEM field and show that girls, esp black girls, DO belong there, im proud of myself

Tell us about a project you have going on! Or if you don’t have one, maybe something you’ve always wanted to write or draw? outside of work, id love to focus more on something comedic, either writing out a stand up routine, making a series of comics, or even just getting more twitter followers lol but comedy is a huge passion of mine and i hope i can do something lucrative with it. im also trying to get a mobile app made just to make some extra scratch. oh and figure out how to do commissions for stuff off my amazon wishlist i guess? but i haven’t thought that thru much

How do you feel about AU’s? LOVE THEM GIVE ME THEM ALL. personal faves are high school au, role swaps, and anything gay

Do you have any favourite composers or soundtracks? the panty & stocking soundtrack BANGS, and the catherine soundtrack too

In your opinion, what is the best Disney movie to come out since Disney’s Golden Age? HERCULES ALL DAY ALL DAY

Fangirl about something, really go wild! ok just a stream of consciousness rn but like sango is my Rock my Everything she’s the absolute coolest and so responsible but i want her to have a good time!!!! and kagome my lil firecracker daughter she’s so excitable and her happiness is infectious omg and kikyo is also best shes so cool and collected and UGHH oh my gosh these children. these babies. so sweet and good.

[totorororo]

tagged by @echtspitze​ ♪~ ᕕ(ᐛ)ᕗ

Answers under the cut :))

3 things your followers don’t know about you [1] I rock climb! A lot! I mostly climb indoors: toprope, lead, boulder (I suck at the last two….) I’ve been doing it for about 3 years, but I only start climbing regularly last October :D This is also why I’m on tumblr less these days. [2] Despite being a regular climber, I can only do 1 pull up… (I could talk about climbing all day but I won’t) [3] I consider myself bi, despite currently dating a guy and have only dated guys

Answer 10 questions and tag 10 amazing people!

[1] What’s the last movie you watched?

Do musicals count? In the Heights. In spanish!

[2] What was the last song you listened to?

Hamilton’s last monologue in The World Was Wide Enough

[3] What was the last show you watched?

I finally started season 2 of bnha

[4] What was the last book you read?

I started To Kill a Mockingbird but then never got back to it…. (bad at reading books)

[5] What was the last thing you ate?

This….asian cracker thing. I don’t even know how to start to describe it. It’s good tho. The flavor is ‘egg roll’?

[6] If you could be anywhere else, where would you be?

Backpacking in Utah with my friend currently that’s there ;A; so jelly of him.

[7] If you could pick a decade to travel back to, what would it be?

Copying because I’m unoriginal: “Maybe to some time where the technology that existed has been lost to us now? So I can bring it back???”

[8] If you win the lotto and millions of cash, what would be the first thing you’d do?

Pay off student loans. Pay or grad school/go to art school. Pay off mum’s mortgage. Travel to Hawaii, Taiwan, Japan. Build a fully equipped and low rent apartment complex for homeless people and give them a second start.

[9] Which fictional character would you like to hang out with for the day?

Anyone from the ATLA cast…. LOK is good too but like ATLA is top tier.

[10] What was the last fandom you joined?

Yuri on ice! I tend to stay in one fandom for a while….

Favourites Tag:

[Place] Somewhere outside, quiet, in the shade, with a good breeze and the sun shining. Water source nearby is good too. [Person] ??? animals. [Colour] shades of green, beyonce yellow (that is a real thing yes) [Food] ramen ramen ramen [Smell] coffee, petrichor, fresh air, tea [Book] The Book Thief by Markus Zusak, anything/everything by Tamora Pierce, My Side of the Mountain by Jean Craighead George [Movie] LOTR. Studio Ghibli films (Totoro, Spirited Away), Moana, Inception [Music artist] I’m that person that knows songs but not by name or by artist…. People I can consistently listen to though…: Kimbra, Imagine Dragons, Florence + the Machine, Nujabes, Gorillaz, The Naked and Famous, Muse, Snarky Puppy [Genre of Music] According to the list above, we got: mixed pop, alt rock, indie, jazz hip hop, mixed hip hop, jazz/funk, mixed electronic [Genre of literature] I guess usually fantasy/adventure? [Day of the week] Saturday! [Social Media] I do check FB regularly but I think I use Instagram, Snapchat, and gchat the most. [Thing to do when bored] go climbing, sleep, eat, draw [Celebrity] MEH. [Website other than Tumblr] mmmmm. I guess youtube… [Drink] oolong tea, cuban coffee, I make good tart drinks (honey cucumber limeade, mint lemonade + iced tea) [Animals] burd borb beeb [Flower] ✿ forget me nots, sunflowers ✿ [TV show] I don’t really watch tv…. I guess ATLA. [Fruit] peaches, korean pears, grapes, mangoes, that fruit from taiwan that’s a pomelo but not a pomelo but is also called honey grapefruit and sweet grapefruit (it’s thick yellow peel, yellow fruit inside and omg it is the BOMB) [Vegetable] perterters, baked yams, crispy sauteed brussel sprouts from a cast iron, chinese broccoli in oyster sauce, grilled zuchinni [Store] I guess… somewhere that sells good food/snacks?? Wegmans? Asian markets? [Quote] (too lazy to find one) [Boy’s name] (lazy) [Girl’s name] (lazy) [Ice cream flavour] matcha/green tea, peach [Popcorn flavour] Salty and buttery [Season] Autumn [Month of the year] I guess November ‘cause that’s my birth month [Disney Princess] Mulan, Moana, Kida [Insult] things…I don’t think about in my life…  [YouTube channel] probably a cooking food channel [Eye colour] brown! green! [Language] not english and not chinese :( [Thing about yourself] wot is this. 

I tag @sccully @sei-pazzo @cafe-illium @cricketsandcrows @ggawesomegirl and anyone that wants to do it! Tag me I wanna see responses :D

[loveandra0314-blog]

Tweets!

All my tweets since August 29th, 2016

Currently renewing my unhealthy obsession with Harry Styles. Seniors- have a fun year knowing that all the people older than you in school get to sleep in on Mondays If it comes in rose gold, I own it Lol @ seniors who think they're the shit All of my stories start with "well first of all, bitch" I love myself. Thought you ought to know. When your roommate is THE SAME DISNEY PRINCESS AS YOU My mom keeps sending me pictures of her food Still in summer mode Drew some nice pics of myself getting electrocuted in math today I can literally find someone on the Internet in .002 secs with just a first name, but tell me to hand in my assignment online and I'll die LOOK AT THE LITTLE HEART #GreysAnatomy GREYS FOOTBALL AND HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER TONIGHT IS THE NIGHT If you live tweet next weeks Criminal Minds season premiere, I'll report you for emotional abuse I have not lost my voice, my voice just doesn't like me so she moved out. I send my parents paragraphs and hundreds of pictures of school and I am repaid with one word sentences and blurry pictures of my dog. I come home to find that my parents literally did everything they could to conceal everything that has anything to do with me in my room ALSO MY BATHROOM SMELLS LIKE CLEANING FLUID AND I KNOW DAMN WELL IT SMELLED LIKE "sweet peony" WHEN I LEFT Anthony's favorite hobby is absolutely roasting people on the Hudl app MUZZ WAS SO EXCITED TO SEE ANTHONY THAT HE PEED ON THE COUCH On a scale from 1-10 of brokenness, I'm a $34.72. I'm really proud of myself because I finished 1/8 of an essay that's due on Thursday #overachiever Btw, Anthony replied to my hint with pictures of his papa I know it's the law... But could the train maybe not blow the whistle 6 times through a campus of sleep deprived college kids????? Spagetting to know you Julia and I are in bed watching a movie and wondering why it's so loud... ITS 8:00 PM But how the f is it October in like 2 days We're over here acting like its the damn ice age I've been coughing all over everyone and everything and IM A TERRIBLE ROOMMATE IM SO SORRY WTF "5 Crazy" I love you, SVU Women before us fought to have the right to vote - don't take that for granted #VOTE My bed is absolutely COVERED in pillows, blankets, wires, school supplies, clothes and Tide pods etc… This woman started vaping and then another woman told her to stop, and now they are full on screaming at each other. ON THE COMMUTER RAIL. Guys, this clown thing is REAL I'm having a hard enough time sleeping without all these inconsiderately loud people outside my building clown hunting The dangerous part about college is going back to your bed in between classes WORDS LITERALLY CANT DESCRIBE HOW EXCITED I AM FOR BEAUTY AND THE BEAST. Belle is my Disney princess and Emma Watson is my all time favorite actress I'm crying Constantly waiting for the 12th of each month so I can have some data You can now get a life sentence for animal abuse. Justice. When your roommates make fun of you for complimenting an absolute FIRE selfie of yourself <<<< SUNDAY SHOPPING SPREE I fcking love candy corn You don't understand... our school and social lives have to fit around the voice and grey's. Sometimes my hand slips and I accidentally share something to my Facebook page We're gonna miss you #ThanksPapi It would be fun to me Harley Quinn for Halloween, but I refuse to be one of "those girls" Never be afraid to be yourself!! Happy National Coming Out Day everyone Julia and I have been watching Netflix in bed for 5 hours. COME BE OUR FRIENDS OMG Tmlt I fcking love Evan Peters and AHS Netflix for dayyyyyyzzzz May god bless you and may your eyebrows be forever on point Dear very high people in the hall, please talk even louder! And continue to walk around in your underwear! Please! I'm DYING. As soon as josh got home he immediately told everyone not to ask any questions about the dance My baby brother is almost 14 and he's like a foot taller than me and his voice is deeper than my dad's My little brother got a 30 yrd touchdown and 40 yrd run Mo and Julia are asleep and I'm just laying here laughing my ass off Literally the worst thing in the world is realizing you have a hole in your leggings Backless dresses are just so incredibly beautiful I love them The girls are asleep and I am laughing like a fcking psycho. What's new? Sorry that I retweet a lot, I just feel like sharing the things I find awesome or funny are worth making your day too I love reconnecting I have heart failure walking to class when I start to hear a longboarder behind me Cookies and Gilmore Girls with my babes It's 11:00 and we're trying to sleep pls enforce quiet hour or I will Julia and I suck at life so we put it on the internet. #relatable "Omg have you seen @JeffreeStar new black highlighter?" "Isn't that just a sharpie?" NO JULIA IT IS NOT A SHARPIE I love late night phone calls with my man Rewatching greys is my fave thing to do Meeting guy friends at college is easy until you bring up your boyfriend I told everyone in my kindergarten class that I was a boy. So, surprise everyone idk what that was about Life update: the heater in our room is making loud, evil noises. This started yesterday and has not stopped. This heater needs medical attention I am honestly concerned for this heater's health. She's clearly leaking or dying or something College is not being able to afford a stapler and the professor refusing to collect unstapled papers. Derek Shepherd has been setting unrealistic expectations since 2005. Feliz Dia de Los Muertes! I'm so excited for Beauty and the Beast I'm actually crying. Real tears. I'm seeing it MINIMUM 10 times in theaters "THIS MEAT IS SO RAW A GOOD VET COULD SAVE IT" Anthony wutttttttt No Makeup November JULIA AND I ARE CRYING (not happy tears) The sun rose this morning and it will rise tomorrow morning My dad has had a variation of the same car since 1995 "You are SO loud" "I just don't care" lol k Anthony Scooby doo I cried twice today, first because I watched the Beauty and the Beast trailer, the second time was when I re-watched the trailer. My dream job is when it's always Friday Also no makeup November is going swimmingly, I may never wear makeup everyday ever again All the bathrooms on my floor are being cleaned and I've been holding my pee for an hour and a half. Can I be someone's creepy older prom date this year? I had some real good coffee this morning and I feel absolutely fantastic, this may be a new me Anthony is snapchatting me live from his room where his roommate is keeping him captive and asking deep questions about life College is being awake at 11pm which is just enough time to squeeze in a few more episodes of greys before 12 COLLEGE IS BEING AWAKE AT 12:30am BUT THERES ONLY ONE MORE EPISODE IN THE SEASON Hobbies include: coughing loudly and rudely when I pass people who are smoking When I'm actively trying to not laugh my ass off at stupid stuff because roommate Just a reminder to be careful and safe this holiday season I want a pretty case because the life proof one is too much but I can't afford a new phone sooo.... TMI: I threw up all over a bathroom stall today. I warned you. My professor shaded me in front of the whole class. I don't have room for embarrassment because I high key gained so much respect. Savagery Hahaha at least my eyebrows are fleeky The weather today is less than ideal. Julia made a tinder and then promptly deleted it when she saw an attractive man. THIS IS WHY. THIS IS WHY. True friends snapchat from across the room If the wifi would stay connected, I wouldn't run out of data every month The temperature was in the single digits today and I honestly don't know how I've ever been able to live like this for so long There is a full on absolutely raging party down the hall from my room. 24 hour quiet hours what College made me addicted to tums Sleep is great, but have you ever watched Netflix? Prof almost made us stay past the two hours like... fuck you thought?? Oh annnnnnd I woke my ass up at 7:00 this morning to get a waffle AND THEY HADNT PUT THE STATION OUT YET Why does my brother constantly ask what we got him for xmas?? Like we're not telling you and if we did your xmas would be ruined Trying to save up...but Sephora I can't even put into words how sad I am about Carrie Fishers passing. Rest In Peace. Someone get me on the slopes Can't stop won't stop crying at the Beauty and the Beast trailer. What did I do to deserve this Every time I lose a snapchat streak, I die a little on the inside I'm such a daddy's girl tbh Setting that 4 am alarm is absolutely killer Hey at least the Cubs won the World Series in 2016 Thought about making a resolution to go to the gym and eat green stuff, but I'm just gonna do me, eat cookies and walk occasionally Tmlt- moral: be happy, and do what makes you happy I really just slept until 5pm Traveling through Hoth in my damn Jetta was fun I should have just skied home from work smh These are the days that I wish my dad's Outback was automatic. Smh I share a bathroom w two teenage boys. There is a pile of underwear in the corner that grows +2 every day.