#WHERE IS MY ARTEMIS FOWL CONTENT

[creampill]

SIGHHHHHHHHHH…

…*opens a fresh word document*

[justanothercinemaniac]

I’ve seen a lot of news outlets discuss how removing content from streaming services that isn’t available anywhere else is done as a tax write-off. But I haven’t seen nearly as many talk about what else is going on here: residuals.

The entertainment industry is famous for, “creative,” (aka shady) accounting tactics that take money that would’ve gone to creatives and use it to pad the pockets of executives. There’s even a Wikipedia page for it called Hollywood Accounting. So it’s unsurprising that we’ve seen a lot of crappy, “cost cutting,” measures over the last year that have made projects like the Batgirl movie unavailable to the public despite being finished or near-finished.

The prevailing narrative here is that these are done as tax write-offs, where the less a title makes the less the studio has to pay taxes on its production costs (I think. To be honest the tax details are a little over my head, I just know they say burying these titles saves them money). But how does that work with titles that have already been out for months or, in some cases, YEARS. For example: Disney+ removed Stargirl & Artemis Fowl from their platform three years after those films were released. So how big can a tax write off really be?

That’s where residuals come in. For those who don’t know, residuals are a form of income artists like actors and writers get when their project is broadcast. You get a check with an amount based on how many times it’s on TV or viewed on streaming. Now, the way streaming residuals are structured are already inherently broken. Ideally, the more successful a show is the more residuals the artists make. But streamers don’t SHARE how much people are watching their shows so they can just say whatever & pay their artists a tiny amount while padding their pockets. This has been happening with Suits on Netflix lately, which it turns out is HUGE on the streamer but the creatives involved aren’t being fairly compensated.

So what does this have to do with burying projects? Well, if no one can watch a tv show or movie in any (legal) way that means the studios aren’t obligated to pay the folks who worked on that project their residuals. And if they were paying enough residuals on a title that removing it saves them millions or billions of dollars, that essentially means they’re stealing millions of dollars from those artists.

What’s more - as a WGA picketer I know pointed out - studios may be worried the removed content could end up being a HUGE HIT. What’s wrong with that? Because if it becomes that big and people notice, actors and writers will wonder where their residuals are. So they’re not removing these projects because no one is watching them. If no one was watching them, they’d be able to take a tax write off and not worry about expensive residual payments while keeping it available. The fact that removing the shows saves them money means people ARE watching it.

TL;DR - Studios removing exclusive streaming content isn’t just about tax write-offs, it’s about keeping residuals from the artists too.

[envihellbender]

Buried avatar Gerry

Rating: General Audience

Fandom: The Magnus Archives

Characters: Gerard Keay, Michael Shelley

Content: buried alive, rodents, abuse reference

Summary: Buried!Gerard goes the Magnus Institute to give his statement, but he’ll only talk to Michael.

—

[WE ARE GREETED BY THE CLICK OF A TAPE RECORDER]

MICHAEL

Statement of Gerard Keay regarding his experience with Hezekiah Wakeley. Recording by researcher Michael Shelley. Statement Begins. [A PAUSE.] So, in your own time, Gerard. Whenever your ready.

GERARD

Oh erm. Okay. So. Yeah. This one isn’t really about mum like the others but I guess that’s the easiest way to explain it, you know? I’ve already told you about the tattoos and mum’s experiments, so next step is how I escaped it. It was her own fault really, she introduced me to my home. I just curled up in the Mother Earth’s arms and never let go. So she messed up, really. Anyway. I was supposed to be getting my buried tattoo, and just like the others it was supposed to be torture… but it didn’t work? Like, okay, so back then I didn’t have mud everywhere and didn’t have the rodent thing.

[THERE IS AN INDIGNANT SQUEAK FOLLOWED BY THE NOISE OF SHUFFLING.]

[GERARD WHISPERS INTO HIS COAT] Hey, y’alright, mate? [HIS VOICE IS LOUDER AS HE TURNS BACK TO MICHAEL.] Sorry, is it alright if Corpsegrinder has a wander around? He’s getting fussy.

MICHAEL

[A SMALL GASP OF SURPRISE, HIS VOICE IS NERVOUS.] Oh! I- yes, of course. By all means. Oh, he’s cute. My boss might not be quite so amenable if he gets out though.

GERARD

It’s alright, he won’t go far. Anyway, where was I? Oh, right. So, mum originally did the usual sort of thing. This time she drugged me whilst I slept and had me moved into a coffin. So I woke up, and… it was nice. It was comforting. I was surrounded by all sides and held tight. It was like I was a kid again, swaddled against mum’s chest in a way I can’t imagine mum ever actually doing. It was pure black, my eyes could rest for the first time. The only thing that would’ve improved it was music, otherwise it just seemed like… Comfortable. Pure. Not remotely terrifying. And maybe that was a sign that the thing already had started to grow inside me. Which is definitely possible because I used to climb into the empty graves at the cemetery down the road when I was a kid, I’d be like, 13, and sneak out after lights out and go to just lay in the soft warm earth. I had my cheap MP3 player playing some music and I was completely safe. I fell asleep there sometimes. I was at peace. It was like that but I wasn’t rudely awakened at six by the gravedigger.

But no, right, so I always liked coffins, being wrapped up in small spaces but I figured I was just a goth or something. I used to get my duvet, my teddies, and curl up under my bed with a book, like one of them Artemis Fowl or Animorphs or something like that. So when mum had me locked into a coffin I just curled up happily and fell back to sleep. Didn’t even realise I was locked in. Mum got mad. She had to go further. So next she started dropping dirt on the coffin to make me feel like I was being buried alive, nothing. The only thing that sort of started to work was when she pinned me to the floor, sat on my chest so I could barely breath. She brought Hezekiah round, that was her big mistake I guess? Because he didn’t really scare me. Didn’t want to either. The opposite really. He was- so he told mum he needed privacy to terrify me properly, instead he edged forward, brushed my hair out of my eyes and talked to me for a little while. He put one hand on my shoulder, he told me that he’d be waiting for me by Saint Columba’s Church if I wanted. When he left he told my mum he could help her. I think she thought that meant he’d do what all the others did. But she couldn’t have been more wrong.

So I snuck out that night to the Church, it was a Catholic one I’d not seen before. I saw Wakeley stood by the doors, he had two rodents on one shoulder curled up together looking at me with tiny beady little eyes. And honestly? That night showed me how fucking liberating fear was. Mum only ever turned me into a shaking crying mess but Hezekiah showed me true actual terror and it was … I don’t know. Pure. Without ill intent. He saw how happy I was curled up in the coffin, he whispered to me about how he’d never let Mum hurt me again. He even let me listen to my MP3 player and hold a teddy close to my chest. I was surrounded by darkness and music. I felt every pound of earth that was piled on top of me. I stayed there in absolute bliss for I don’t know how long, all I know is when Hezekiah dug me back up again the cold early signs of Spring had turned to warm sunlight and flowers blooming over the old cemetery. Hezekiah was so happy. Mate, you have no idea. That weird guy had a smile from ear to ear and he fucking hugged me. I knew then what the Earth wanted. I knew my Mum wasn’t really my Mum, you know? She was… Something else. Someone who was trying to drag me from my real purpose. You know?

I did end up going back home, Mum was furious but she saw something different in me then. Saw I was protected. So the experiments on me stopped. That was when she started forcing me to hurt others. Like. Her. But. A lot of the time I refused. Only took those to the earth that I knew deserved it. It’s a privilege not a punishment. Mum’s ideas weren’t pure, not at all. [THERE IS A SMALL CLATTERING] Hey, Corpsegrinder, what’ve you got- Oh. Erm, mate, he says you dropped this?

MICHAEL

[HE IS NERVOUS, DELIGHTED, AND SURPRISED.] Oh! Yes! Thank you! Thank you erm… Corpsegrinder? Erm. And you, Gerard. Erm, so I guess we’ll leave that one there? Statement ends.

[CLICK]

[jasonball34]

After years of knowing about it but never knowing what was actually in it, I have finally acquired a copy of the rare 2008 UK promotional book "Who is Artemis Fowl?"

I was very excited to get my hands on it, as there was the possibility of exclusive content! To lay eyes on official AF content that I’ve never seen before, in 2022? Very exciting. Join me as I explore this tiny treasure!

First, a little background info on this thing can be found at: artemis-fowl.com/the-books/artemis-fowl-book/

So, it is quite small and thin, being a free promotional item included in a magazine. It's got 64 pages, and is roughly 4x7 inches in size (11x18 cm).

The bulk of the pages are devoted to short extracts from all 6 (at the time) Artemis Fowl books. It came out before Time Paradox released; it has a little blurb at the end advertising that book as releasing soon, in August 2008.

The extracts are: Book 1: The brief prologue, plus the scene where Artemis enters Angeline's bedroom and she has the mannequin of Timmy. Book 2: The scene right near the beginning where Artemis views the ransom video message on his laptop. Book 3: The scene where Holly agrees to heal Butler. Book 4: The scene after Holly saves Artemis from the hotel missile and they talk. Book 5: The opening scene where Artemis swaps fingers. Book 6: The exchange of money for lemur between Little Arty and Kronski in the leather souk, cutting off just as Holly and Artemis go in to intervene.

There is also a short extract from the original 2007 graphic novel. It's the first few pages of the Holly intro chapter, printed in black & white.

The extracts are all well and good, but I was of course most interested in the prospect of exclusive content. And there is indeed some stuff that isn't found anywhere else!

-A multiple-choice quiz on the characteristics of the different fairy species, with some very amusing wrong answers. -A list of Artemis' top 10 heroic moments (according to Eoin, I guess?). Not sure what the point of this is. I guess it’s just to hype up Time Paradox, since it wasn’t out yet but it’s included in the list. -A bit from Matt (of AFC website fame) saying why the series is so special, interspersed with other fan testimonials. -A promo for the "2008 LAFTA Awards" that was held on the AF website(?). Lol.

But the most exciting part of this little book, in my opinion? Official illustrations from Giovanni Rigano (graphic novel guy) are included in the Time Paradox extract! There are 3 illustrations, and they're exclusive to this little book. I had no idea that this existed. We now have official art of the lovely human being known as Damon Kronski!

I am including images of the book's exclusive content for your viewing pleasure, which I've never seen shared online before (though I could be wrong). Since this book is evidently rare and elusive, I think it's important that this stuff be accessible in the public record. There's nothing mind-blowing or earth-shattering here, but I think it's still pretty neat! Now we know what's in this thing!

(tap/click on an image to view full uncropped size)

[callernumberthree]

Hey! What’s up? Thanks for coming around!

Pseudonym’s Annie. I’ve got most of my quick info in my bio, if you ever feel inclined to skim it! I’m Bangladeshi and Muslim. I’m also a bisexual demigirl. I also am very large and contain multitudes.

This is my main blog! I reblog a lot of stuff I find funny, stuff about the moon, about animals and nature but birds and fish in particular, about community and partnership and overcoming prejudice, about love and family and friends, and about identity and orientation and mental health.

I tag all my posts, replies, and reblogs as accurately as I can. If there are any issues with my tags, post contents, or anything else in my blog, please let me know so I can fix it and make it a more comfortable online space!

I love meeting people! If you'd like to, shoot me a message or an ask and you can be sure I'll respond!

Below is the alphabetically organised guide to my current fandoms and my relationship with them, and to my organisational structure for my tags. It's a long post; keep reading at your own risk!

Fandoms!

Artemis Fowl

I can be safely critical of it nowadays since it's geared towards a younger audience but I respect the solid worldbuilding it portrays, especially for a children's book. Good stuff- I'd still recommend it.

Don’t Hug Me I’m Scared

Again, got into it when I was younger and it kind of burrowed its way into my brain where it rotted, forgotten, for ages until the sudden new season. Not necessarily emotionally invested, but the Three Of Them have my whole heart for sure.

Dungeon Meshi

I got into it VERY recently by binging the manga, and now I'm keeping up with the Netflix adaptation! Obsessed with the solid worldbuilding.

Gravity Falls

Top fandom ever everrrrr. Got obsessed with it as a kid and I’ve never let it go since. I know all the sordid fandom history, all the best and most popular headcanons of current day, and some the most based fanartists and fics. I do a lot of recreational multishipping in my dark and evil mind palace.

My Little Pony

Come on come onnnnn. It's a classic. I have an encyclopaedic and philosophical understanding of the MLP universe. No I will not talk about it.

Percy Jackson

Hey I mean it was pretty formative for me when I was younger. Got me into mythology! I'm critical of it nowadays but I cannot deny the positive impact it had on me. Good stuff! Haven't and probably won't watch the new live adaptation.

Piranesi

Read it VERY recently. Made me very existential for a while. However, the books I am emotionally invested in change on a monthly basis. Expect the title to switch in a little bit.

Welcome to Night Vale

I got into it half a year ago and it literally changed my brain chemistry. One of my forever fandoms for sure. An astute Aubergine truther, I am.

Tag Organisation Guide!

Annie’s Anomalous Affairs:

#annie’s aberrant abominations - there’s very little content in this tag. OC tag; I don’t reaaaally talk about my OCs though so don’t worry about it. It’s mostly stuff I reblog to help character build anyway. I’ll list the subtags for individual OCs below as they appear on my blog.

#abomination: Hannah

#abomination: Spring

#annie adores advice - there’s a LOT of content in this tag. Advice or awareness spreading I reblog that I think will help me live easier, or to signal boost so people who need it can use it.

#annie attempts art - my art! At least up until now I’ve drawn purely on iPad so it’s all digital medium.

#annie awakened - a tag specifically for answering asks and mentions! Nothing important there, just some fun with cool people online. Long post warning for most of the content there.

#annie awkwardly articulates - my posts! I talk about my thoughts and experiences, or I’ll be talking with some pals online.

Annie Appreciates…:

#birdposting - just the same; reblogging cool and/or funny posts about birds! I love birds. Love their behaviour, love how they evolve, love eating them. I try to include the species of bird in the tags whenever I can!

#boys will be boys - I use this tag whenever I am appreciating masculinity! This includes folks being silly, being kind, being geeky, and all around being. Often accompanied by the “girl moment” tag (elaborated on below). This is because I see beautiful and unique representations of femininity and masculinity in almost everything and everyone.

#call me - tag for things that I think are attractive, ranging from various drawings of people (not images, I’m not comfortable publicly thirsting after living individuals) to standard-ATX motherboards.

#classic - tag for infamous Tumblr posts that I archive for myself! Gotta collect those heritage posts, man. Can’t have a blog without the colour of the sky.

#fishposting - you guessed it; reblogging cool and/or funny posts about fish! I love fish. Love their biology, love how they look, love eating them. I try to include the species of fish in the tags whenever I can!

#girl moment - I use this tag whenever I am appreciating femininity! This includes folks being silly, being kind, being geeky, and all around being. Often accompanied by the “boys will be boys” tag (elaborated on above). This is because I see beautiful and unique representations of femininity and masculinity in almost everything and everyone.

#later gator - the tag I use to save things (usually videos) to look at later when I’m scrolling tumblr at double-time (or have my volume on), probably because I’m at work.

#my romantic wife - that’s the moon! I adore the moon, it’s unmatched (tag not to be confused with the term I often use, “my platonic wife”, elaborated on below)!

Annie’s Associates:

#DNA double felix-cipher - tag for tumblr user @toytanks, Felix-Cipher. The tag is a play on the term “double helix structure”.

#my froinds :3 - I talk about or reblog posts that remind me of my friends! My friends are very important to me and I love them so so much. If I’m using this tag I’m talking about my irl pals.

#sarufiyyun - tag for tumblr user @biblicallyaccuratechicken, Seraph-Chim, who’s angelkin. Sarufiyyun is the Islamic term for Seraphim.

#the spouse - this is “my platonic wife” (not to be confused with the tag “my romantic wife”, elaborated on above)! My best friend who I’ve known for nearly two decades. I have a special tag for her because I have a special relationship with her. Sometimes I will be a little sulky about the spouse and her lame blonde boyfriend; but hey, I love her to bits. Marriage has its ups and downs!

Annie’s Avocations:

#art reference - what it says on the tin. Step by step guides or simple diagrams of art tips; whatever helps me draw!

#recipes - I feel like I should throw this tag in here now that I have at least two or three reblogs for it. Cool recipes for cool food I’d like to make one day.

#tutorial - tutorials for anything at all! I eat life advice for every meal.

#writing - yes, I have nothing to show for it on here, but I’m a writer! Tag for writing tips and also inspiration.

That's all, folks! Have a good one!

[amyisherenowitsokay]

HEY! how come I don’t see any of those silly-Willy emoji writing prompt questions? I got you boo.

💖 what made you start writing?

❌ what is a trope that you’ll never write?

WABAM.

Have a nice day or my son Winnifred gets it 🐟🔫

I think because I take awhile to answer them lmao, but nah I just put things out there for fun. Whether ppl want to participate or not is totally chill, I'm just here for vibes.

💖 What made you start writing?

Even looooong before I wrote fanfics, I wrote a unique series about like magic and time travel and war and romance and shit. It was 6 books, at roughly however many pages are in those journals you can get at Barnes & Nobles (I think around 250 pages?). It had insp from Teen Titans, Kingdom Hearts, Artemis Fowl, and some other fandoms I loved as a kid (and still do).

I've never let anyone read them, but their existence did end up being weaponized by my parents against the school district into letting me into AP English classes lmao.

❌ What’s a trope you will never write?

I have a few -

Disclaimer that I respect anyone who writes whatever they want, and support you wholeheartedly in your creative pursuits, this is just for me and mine.

1 ) Romance bait. Like something where it's extremely clearly a formula that's disingenuous and not in the vein of a slow burn, but solely dragging out the will they/won't they of the situation for the sake of baiting the reader into digesting more content.

A really good example of this would be Lucifer (tv series). The amount of times these characters got together at the end of the season only for something stupid and absurd to happen that just equated to 'take backsies' was fucking dumb and really killed my interest in the series. It feels disrespectful to the audience and is painfully annoying to experience.

2) Forced misunderstandings that cause things to blow wildly out of proportion. Overhearing a snippet of conversation that causes really unnecessary drama. I'm not talking about like people keeping secrets deliberately, or people being angry, or not admitting feelings they're not ready to admit to. I'm talking about like, for example, let's say Gaz walked in and heard Zim talking about a meeting he's looking forward to. She just assumes he's cheating, and runs off, trashing his place on the way out and leaving a note about how they're now broken up. Zim the whole time was actually talking to Skoodge! Gasp! And about a gift he was making for Gaz that he inexplicably needed help with! Gasp x2! But now that she's trashed his place, he doesn't even notice the note, and think she's betrayed him! Gasp x3! And just spirals from there. Just really soap-opera level overreactions and miscommunications.

I really feel like arguments make a story so interesting. I enjoy making characters escalate a situation together. I think you get juicier content out of two characters screaming at each other rather than two characters misunderstanding. Communication is interesting and fun. It just feels like the writer is reluctant to actually make the characters pick a fight because they don't know how they'd resolve it afterwards if it isn't instantly all solved by saying "no! it wasn't like that! it was all just a gift for you!"

3 ) Pregnancy-based stories, but one trope in particular. Like specifically the 'drunken-one-night-stand-caused-pregnancy-and-now-the-protagonists-will-fall-in-real-love-over-the-joys-of-pregnancy.' It's super annoying. Let the characters fuck. Also 99% of the time they don't really have a mature discussion about abortion options, financial obligations, etc. I think I'd be down to read an unintentional pregnancy that wasn't just a forced proximity trope in disguise.

Also it's basically ignoring that being drunk is a consent issue, but smoothed over with 'well but they actually wanted to the whole time, being drunk just created the opportunity.'

[selkiecoded]

thank you @eurydicees for tagging me (〃´▽` ) i love talking about myself. a list of my five favorite fics ive written (and thoughts!) oldest to newest

1. don't knock it till you've tried it

the magnus archives + 5.6k. this is, i wanna say, my most popular fic? and im glad for it! its one thing for your most popular content to be something you hate, but i think this still holds up really well. theres a lot i like about it, such as the pronoun/titles between povs, georgies whole pov, the ending line. high five past me. and OH MAN is it crazy that this has 700 kudos. its a very nice feeling to know that that many people liked something you wrote... even if what you wrote is about a guy murdering his past self haha.

2. i'm not wearing my usual lipstick, i thought maybe we would kiss tonight

ohshc + 16.4k. my ouran magnum opus! i still care so deeply for this hc, and i have gotten so many sweet comments on this, im very glad it resonated with a lot of people. 3k hits!!! i think thats really really good for an ouran fic posted in 2020. if i have time there are a few things id like to go back and change about this - unnecessary prose or some of the ending - but frankly, the emotional heart of this is something im very proud of. every person who reads this and either gets their gender reflected to them OR at least is indoctrinated into trans!tamaki is another point towards me making it to heaven. if i was going through this list by favorites, this definitely holds the number one spot.

3. blunt not the heart

the magnus archives + 11.3k. OH MY GOD. this is my UNDERRATED GEM. my white fucking whale. i am SO MAD that this has received DUST considering my another tma fic has 700~ kudos. SO MAD. i really really like melanie king as a character. outside of the feminism of it all, its really fucking hard to write an effective character study. getting into a characters head is difficult. you know what would make it easier? NOT WRITING IT IN SCRIPT FORMAT LOL. but heres the thing: i made it fucking work. the fact that tma is an audio drama/script format already definitely lends itself easier to translation, but it was an interesting exercise to try and get into melanies head while still maintaining the format. and tying it into macbeth? inspired choice, past me! while its not more popular unfortunately, im still insanely proud of it, and the attention it did get is personally satisfying. please read it!

4. Feel Your Way Home

artemis fowl + 12.6k. ah.. my artemis fowl magnum opus.. i still care for that silly little guy a whole lot, but at this point i will say that my artemis fowl obsession was bright, but fleeting. im really really glad i managed to write this before i fell out of it, and even more so I GOT IT PUBLISHED ON THE 20TH ANNIVERSARY!! thats something i am weirdly very proud of. i worked really hard on this for several long months, and i think it turned out very very well. this is one where i really dont care how much attention its gotten for not, as it was very much written for myself. and im pleased with it.

5. name your courage now

ace attorney + 11.8k. my newest one! probably still have a serious case of rose-tinted glasses on, but idc. i love maya and her relationships to her siblings a whole lot. i found her dialouge during her testimony just so insanely ripe for potential, i was shocked nobody else had ever seemed to talk about it. i have so many feelings about bridge to the turnabout! frankly, the entire time i knew what i wanted to do with this story, and i feel as if i pulled it off really effectivly. keeping it emotional while also utilizing aspects of mayas brash, funny voice for the narration was a challenge i enjoyed. that, and trying to use the canon dialouge for the most part, while also attempting to speed it up/make it sound less like it came out of a video game. again, im proud of it, and heres to hoping that it'll get more attention.

thats it! im not big on tagging ppl but if you wanna do this by all means, please tag me so i can read your stuff °˖✧◝(￣▽￣)◜✧˖°

[pastelpendant]

Your use of the word glamour reminded me of the lunar chronicles series, where most lunars have the ability to manipulate humans/lunars with weaker ability. and that also reminded me of the artemis fowl series, where the fairies could use an ability called mesmer to control humans (and other fairies, but it's forbidden by law) through eye contact. these were definitely formative series for me in developing my interest in hypnosis, so thank You for the reminder~

and now i'm imagining being enchanted and enthralled by Your eyes 🥺

Oooh, these are two series I never personally read when I was young! Perhaps I should look into them now to help Me get more inspired with My content ;0

And that's certainly a wonderful thing to imagine...IRL meetups will never ever be in the cards for Me, but I really do love the fantasy of enchanting people with My magical fae eyes and seeing those colors reflect Kaa-style

you deserve to be enthralled, pretty boy 💞

[themisstresstm]

I mean Sometimes adaptations do improve upon the originals. Like ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’, with adaptations where Splinter is literally the ninja master Hamato Yoshi mutated into a giant rat, versus those where he’s just the mutated person rat of the long-deceased Yoshi. Like the new film for instance seemingly went for the latter origin, but had some subtle hints throughout that it might actually be the former origin, and that’ll be saved as a sequel twist.

Sorry I am not a TMNT fan so I have no idea what you just said, but I agree sometimes adaptations can be great and better than the source material. I don't really know what my problem is but it's kinda like I have a 'it-came-out-first-so-its-better' mindset. I sort my adaptations into one of five categories, those being Good Adaptation-Good Content (where it's true to the source material and a good form of media that I would like to consume), Mid Adaptation-Good content ( where things have been changed from the source material but it's still good shit), Bad adaptation-Good content ( no where near being accurate to its original but still good), Bad Adaptation-Mid Content (just meh in general) and last but certainly the least; Bad Adaptation-Bad content (this category is where I put most adaptations but at this point of my life I've realised I'm kinda too nitpicky about these things ( No shit sherlock, How'd you find out, did the time you got kicked out of your friends house because you couldn't just shut up and watch The Princess Diaries and had to keep pointing out the things it changed (which was a lot because they were trying to condense the plot of like 11 books into two movies) provide any insights?).

In the case of Artemis Fowl Movies I think it falls into the category of Bad Adaptation, Bad Content but that's my personal opinion. I much prefer the source material and even if the movies itself is kinda mid it pales in comparison to the books.

As for black butler; I haven't watched any of the adaptations or read the manga so I haven't formed an opinion of them yet. My friend dislikes the latest adaptation that's supposed to be coming out in 2024 ( I think I'm not sure) so I'm working based off of his opinions that the new adaptation is probably crap but I probably shouldn't do that.

But you know what people are allowed to like whatever they want to like (as long as what they like isn't harmful or illegal like idk drugs or something) my opinions are irrelevant, who cares if some nerd on the internet thinks the movie you like sucks, you do you and watch that crappy adaptation. ( It's probably a Mid adaptation but my brain likes to tell me if it's not 100% accurate it's bad)

[spring-heeledjack]

I Found Her In the Garden

More Butler content wooooooo

feat. a little mushroom :)

you are here - next->

The kettle whistled on the stove, and Butler slid a bookmark in between the pages of his book. Rain pattered against the window panes, water overflowing the flower boxes outside.

The ceramic tea cups clinked together as Butler selected his favorite one. It was big enough for his large hands, with pretty blue vines circling the rim. The handle, however, had to be carried with two fingers.

He filled the pretty tea cup. Earl Gray.

A clap of thunder rattled the windows. Butler could see tree branches whipping back and forth outside. He imagined he was watching the storm from his bedroom in Fowl Manor.

Any moment now Artemis will knock on my door to tell me about his next scheme. 

He closed his eyes.

Or maybe he’ll want to show me a symphony he’s made.

Of course, in this instance he was imagining a younger Artemis. Leading up to his disappearance, Artemis always seemed to be busy with something, whether it involved The People or not. He didn’t have time to create symphonies for him and Butler to listen to.

And puberty! The corners of Butler’s mouth twitched upwards, the ghost of a smile. Poor thing had been whisked away right in the middle of having to deal with puberty.

Another clap of thunder rang out overhead, and Butler startled. 

If this were a couple years earlier, Artemis would be sneaking to my bedroom right about now.

Butler recalled a time when Artemis was no more than six. It was storming outside, and he had tiptoed into Butler’s room and climbed into bed with him.

Because he was scared. He thought. The little mastermind was afraid of the thunder. So he came to me.

Butler opened his eyes, and he was back in his cottage in Duncade. He stared out the window at the whipping tree branches. 

Lightning striked in the distance, and for a split second, the world was illuminated.

And in that split second, Butler spotted a tiny creature rooting through his garden.

He did a double take, then a triple take. The creature couldn’t have been more than three feet tall, so either someone’s kid had escaped or there was a fairy rifling through his tomatoes.

Maybe I really have lost my mind.

Then another strike of lightning zapped the ground, and the creature was still there, seemingly stroking the petals of Butler’s chrysanthemums.

Butler hummed. He set his tea cup on the kitchen table, pocketed his Sig Sauer just in case, and headed out into his garden.

Slowly, he approached the tiny person from behind, his hand hovering over the pocket where his gun was. The little creature hadn’t noticed him until the wind slammed the front door shut. It jumped and turned to face him, two reflective eyes shimmering in the darkness.

“I don’t believe we’ve formally meant.” He called over the hammering rain. The tiny figure shuffled awkwardly. 

Butler quickly deduced that the little thing had no malicious intentions. It wasn’t armed, it hadn’t run away, and he had yet to attack him. He could be wrong, but something about the tiny creature seemed so harmless.

He waved it toward him with one arm. It tucked its chin down and shuffled toward him.

I’ve either gone mad or I’m getting rusty. Who in their right mind would invite a trespasser into their house? What bodyguard would invite a trespasser into their house?

The tiny person was standing in front of him now, craning its neck to try and look him in the face.

Butler blinked at it, then turned and motioned for it to follow.

As it turned out, the tiny person was female. Or at least it looked female. The majority of its face was obscured by a soft looking red and white-spotted hat that came down over its eyes. Its face was flecked with what could have been mud or freckles, and it donned a faded green dress with a pouch in the front, its shoulders covered by a leather shroud-like garment, scruffy brown hair dangling just above it.

She wiped her leather boots on the welcome mat, the golden buckles shimmering. She hadn’t stopped smiling since she walked in, and Butler wondered if she was happy to be out of the rain or if her face just looked like that. She seemed to be fascinated by Butler, more specifically his size. She watched him from the couch, tilting her head side to side, singing to herself in a high-pitched hum.

Butler remembered his tea cup in the kitchen, and went to make sure it hadn’t grown cold yet. Miraculously, it hadn’t. 

He peeked into the living room to see the tiny girl flipping through his book. After a brief moment, he turned and made another cup of tea. This tea cup was smaller, with golden leaves sprinkled around the rim.

He took the second teacup to the little girl in the living room.

“Ever had Earl Gray before?” He handed her the tiny cup. She looked down at it for a moment, then looked back up at him.

“Wo’aith?” She asked. Butler was about to respond when he realized this was not English.

“Wo’aith?” He repeated back to her. She tilted her head, humming in contemplation.

“Io doe nuuth shpo’eko mii shpo’eko.” The little girl said. It sounded as if she were making a statement, or noting something aloud.

She looked at Butler and pointed at herself.

“Amanita.” She said. 

Butler smiled at her, and pointed at himself. “Butler.”

Amanita grinned, and Butler was startled to find thin fangs peeking from behind her white lips.

“I guess you don’t speak English then, huh?” He took a sip from his teacup.

“Ii doe nuuth shpo’eko iorii shpo’eko.”

“Um...”

Butler turned the sentences over in his head. It didn’t sound like Gnommish, at least none of the Gnommish he had ever heard. And didn’t fairies have the Gift of Tongues? Even if English wasn’t the girl’s first language, shouldn’t she be able to speak it anyway?

Subtly, he stole a glance at the side of the girl’s head. No ears. No ears at all.

So she can’t be a fairy…

And then, another thought.

Artemis would lose his mind at this.

The rain still hadn’t let up by the time Butler and the little girl, Amanita, had finished their tea.

Amanita was curled up on the couch, shroud-like garment hanging on the arm, leather boots sitting on the floor. One of them was on its side.

 Her cup of tea had been drained, the gently beautiful cup gingerly placed in the sink to be washed in the morning.

The rain had lightened to a quiet pattering, swift droplets racing down the length of Butler’s bedroom window. He watched them race from the warmth of his bed, the little lamp on his bedside table illuminating the room. 

He wondered where the little girl he had found in his garden had come from. Certainly not Duncade. The woods, perhaps? She definitely seemed the forest-y type.

Wherever she’s from, she can’t stay here.

Even as he thought it, Butler knew he was bluffing to himself.

Why can’t she stay here? It’s not like I don’t have room.

As he settled into the mattress, his gaze slid over to the book on the bedside table. I Found Her In the Garden by Violet Tsirblou. 

As Butler drifted to sleep, he vaguely wondered if Amanita would fancy trying caviar.

[pettyrevenge-base]

Author talks down to me, sales of his book at my bookstore crash to zero.

Reminded of this by another post and thought this sub would enjoy the story.

In 2008 when I was 19 I was working for a 5 floor flagship Waterstones (Borders ish equivalent in the UK) store and was responsible for the floor dedicated to kids (0-teen) which was 40% (!) of our sales (this was the time YA was BOOMING with Twilight etc).

I went to a sci fi, novel focussed convention where I was notably younger than most of the 40+ aged attendees. Eoin Colfer was a panellist talking about the blurred lines between adult and kids fiction at the time; he was there as he'd recently been announced as the author of the follow up to 80s series Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (which contains some arguably adult content) and was an established kids author. For example one of the other books that was discussed was Wicked which came out around the same time and has very adult content but is often mistaken for a kids book cos it's based on a fairytale.

At the question section I stood up and asked something like "what do you think about a new generation of kids who've read Artemis Fowl discovering the Hitchhikers series now?" - getting at the adult content in Hitchhikers and how it might be received in the 00s vs the 80s. His response was "everyone else here will remember reading Hitchhikers as a kid, that's nothing new" total talk down, made everyone in the room laugh at me and didn't even answer my damn question.

So Artemis Fowl got turned spine out instead of a feature, and I changed ordering habits from bestseller to "meh, this fills the shelves with variety" quantities, told the other kids booksellers about my experience, it NEVER got recommended again, even people that came in directly asking for it got redirected them to other great books (remember a series of unfortunate events? Fabulous, Lemony Snicket would never talk to a young person like that). I even told many of the parents that story... the sales which had been notable, it was a popular series, dropped to practically zero.

Realise this probably had little impact on his fat paycheque but it made me feel good, screw that guy.

Source: reddit.com/r/pettyrevenge

[artemis-fowl-incident-report]

Okay, since no one else has attempted to do anything with Uncle Foxy, mentioned in The Fowl Twins, or sought to give him a personality, I will.

He is the ✨gay uncle✨ of the family, who for quite some time was seen as simply a long time bachelor, until he came out to his family, of which Artemis Sr and Angeline were some of the first and most vocal to stand by him. He and his brother actually have quite a good relationship, since they had a turbulent childhood, and they grew up quite similar in age (Artemis Sr is 45, where Foxy is 40), and they stay on good terms, even though Foxy maintains his criminal lifestyle, while Tim has stepped back from crime. It was thought by much of the family (which is far more sprawling then we've been lead to believe in the Fowl Twins) that after Artemis Sr stepped back from being head of the Criminal Empire, Foxy would take over, but he graciously declined, preferring to keep to his own little circles without having the pressure of that Fowl legacy placed upon him.

He throws the best Christmas parties, and is a bit of a musician (as seen by the "Fowl Christmas" song. Still a banger, by the way, would recommend). He is just a scoundrel most of the time (obviously, being a Fowl) and acts as a fence for high profile dealings in the art and jewellery world. He loves his nephews desperately, and regularly helps them when they're in a bind with their parents.

He seemed quite content with his single life, until his nephew Artemis introduced him to a lovely environmentalist called Giovanni Zito (because I am God in this realm and you can not stop me). In short, they fall in love, they get married, and they adopt a gaggle of children.

Now have at it, my writers and artists, a new character for y'all to explore.

[lilhawkeye3]

We need to talk about Captain Rex (CT-7567)

Alright everyone. I wanna start out by saying this is not an attack on Rex’s character or anyone who likes him as a character. This is merely meant to be educational and point out some concerns with trends in popular content. That said... I know I’m probably gonna get a lot of hate for this.

So. Captain Rex. Leader of the 501st, arguably one of the main characters of The Clone Wars series. So beloved, he even carried on into Rebels, and now The Mandalorian. And there’s one thing in specific about him that made him catch everyone’s eye— his blond hair.

(FYI: “Blond” is the masculine form. “Blonde” is the feminine form. Please don’t comment to say I spelled it wrong lmao.)

This was a big deal. They’re all supposed to be clones of Jango Fett, right? He’s got black hair. The clones we saw in the movies all had black hair. So here comes along the leader of Anakin’s battalion, the one we are most meant to follow and remember.

And this is where I introduce you to the “dark skinned blond” trope in media.

The dark skinned blond is... a bit complicated. As a whole, it is part of the larger issue of exoticism and fetishization of dark skinned characters. The white/blond hair allows them to stand out more, but also gives them a sense of Eurocentric features: thus, they have a sense of mysticism to the audience.

This can be best seen with the most well-known character that falls into this trope: Ororo Monroe aka Storm from X-Men. Her white hair sets her apart so much that the Africans in her village saw her as a goddess, and it was used as just another thing that set her apart from being normal (for context, she is a mutant).

Another time this is shown is with Princess Yue from Avatar: The Last Airbender. Here, her hair is shown to turn white when the literal moon spirit heals her as an ill newborn. The white hair is meant to show she is blessed, setting her apart from the other introduced water tribe characters and having the audience know she is someone to remember.

(Disclaimer: Yue and Storm can also be included in the ‘magical white hair’ trope, which can also include light skinned characters like Elsa from Frozen).

Most recently, another character in this trope is Usagiyama Rumi, aka the rabbit hero Miruko from My Hero Academy (Boku no Hero Academia). She is one of the top 5 heroes, thus someone important to remember, and... alongside Storm, is subject to a very large amount of fetishization in comparison to the other characters in their series. (This could be further exacerbated due to Miruko being one of the only dark skinned characters in the anime series as well).

A few other characters that fall into the dark-skinned blond trope are Aqualad and Artemis from Young Justice, Allura from Voltron, Agni in Black Butler, and even Butler in that awful new Artemis Fowl movie. It is all done in an effort to make them more ambiguous, more exotic, so you can’t really tell where they’re from but you’re sure to remember them.

[Image: Storm aka Ororo Monroe, Princess Yue, Miruko; Aqualad, Artemis, Allura, Butler. All have dark skin and varying shades of blond hair (white, platinum, yellow).]

So then we get to Captain Rex. Here we have this lead character we know nothing about at the start of the show, but he already stands out because he looks different, despite being a clone. It really doesn’t matter what the in-universe reason is for his blondness (I know people debate if it’s genetic mutation vs bleaching).

The point is this: his design is used to set him apart from the rest, to make him seem more exotic in comparison, and thus, make him the one the creators force the audience to remember.

Honestly... I don’t know. I have mixed feelings about this trope. For characters like Storm and Yue, at least there’s magic to explain it. At least you know it can’t be real. 

With characters more like Rex, who is meant to be normal (not magical)... it feels different. It felt like the creators-- specifically, the white creators-- thought he wouldn’t be good enough for the audience’s attention as a brown man unless there was something special about him. Something eye-catching. Exotic in comparison to the other clones.

It’s a strange feeling, because overall, it’s not something outwardly racist with the character development (like with Jar Jar Binks). This is far more subtle, so subtle that it’s hard to even fully verbalize. But it’s still there, and it’s a pattern, and it’s a bit worrisome, especially when concerning a character modeled off of a real person (Temuera Morrison’s appearance was not altered for his clone roles in the prequel trilogy, and Rex’s design came afterwards.).

I wish I had a conclusive ending to this mini-essay. I don’t really. There’s nothing that can be done about Rex or any of these characters’ appearances. Just... keep this in mind for the future. Often with visual media in particular, even how a character looks can influence your perception of them, often with years of history and reasoning behind it.

This has been Tea Time with Hawk. ☕️🦅Thanks for reading :)

Part 2 here.

Why I don’t think Rex’s hair is bleached.

[jacamimdecostasbrancas]

HI, HOLA, OLÁ!

Feel free to follow me if you post about:

# NO.6 (all medias)

# Banana Fish (anime, manga - I am one of the fools that prays for a second season with an alternate storyline yes shut up)

# Owari no Seraph (anime, manga) (also you can pry Mikayuu out of my cold dead hands)

# Artemis Fowl series

# YA lit and books in general

# Animated movies <3

# Games - Final Fantasy X/X-2, Tales of Zestiria (also the anime), The Last of Us, Life is Strange series, Detroit Become Human, Resident Evil 7 & 8... gimme recomendations please!

# She-Ra and the Princesses of Power, and cartoons in general

# Yuri on Ice (where is Ice Adolescence w h e r e)

# Mo Dao Zu Shi (I’ll go through all medias!)

# The Infernal Devices and Shadowhunters Chronicles in general (TID used to be my base fandom for years… check my tags to see a loooot of shit lol. also, I wonder how that TID adaptation is gonna go)

# SK8 the Infinity

# Latino América stuff!

# Indigenous related content and issues

I’m also into poetry/snippets of writing, beautiful imagery, social commentary and other things! :)

[orangerosebush]

Sturm und Drang

In hindsight, Butler should have realized it would only be so long before his charge grew bored with life within the manor. Artemis Fowl I had made sure the Fowl estate was well stocked with the finest things their fortune could afford: the kitchen had aromatic spices from every inch of the globe; the library was practically bursting with esoteric texts; the walls were adorned with beautiful tapestries and paintings. Artemis Fowl I had beaten the world down so that it fit within the stone walls of Fowl manor, and in theory, his wife and son had to want for nothing. When Angeline had been younger, Butler remembered her leaving on weekend trips to visit her family or friends, but after her son was born, it seemed like she was content to retreat into the beautiful dollhouse her husband had fashioned around her. Perhaps the reality of who her husband was and where she lived had finally sunk in, Butler mused, carrying the tea tray. At least inside she didn’t have to think about the sectarian violence broiling in Northern Ireland, or the heating-up Cold War, or the vile things her adoring husband had done to pay for their life in the manor.

Butler poked his head into the Fowl study, rapping a hand against the door frame. At the desk inside, Artemis Fowl II was curled up in his father’s ornamented leather armchair, nose buried in a book. The boy’s ears perked up at the sound, but he didn’t look up from his reading.

“You weren’t at lunch,” Butler remarked, stepping inside.

“I apologize,” Artemis said, his young voice cold and clipped in a way Butler had never stopped thinking of as strange. “I was busy.”

You’re seven years old, Butler thought, setting the tray down on the mahogany desk. Busy?

“Your mother missed you,” he said instead, and Artemis lowered his book, eyes almost guilty.

“I promise that I will be at dinner.”

“You should eat,” Butler ordered, pushing the tea and toast closer to the boy. Artemis hesitated for a moment, but he finally obliged, taking a small bite out of the portion of the toast with the least amount of jam on it. Artemis chewed thoughtfully, setting the food back down on the plate and pointedly nudging it away. Butler pressed his lips into a thin line. Thank Christ that at least Juliet wasn’t a picky eater.

“May I ask you a question, Butler?”

“Always, Artemis.”

“Where does Father go when he leaves on business?” Artemis inquired, and Butler sighed. He moved the tray on the table, making room for him to rest his weight against the desk.

“He’s on a business trip, Artemis. He’s told you this.”

“Where does he go, though? He won’t tell me what his ‘business’ is.”

Butler shrugged. “Your father told me the same thing.”

Artemis looked at him shrewdly. “I don’t think I believe that, Butler.”

“That’s too bad,” Butler admitted. “Because that’s all I’m going to tell you.”

“You work for me, though,” Artemis argued, brow furrowed. “If you do know more, then you must tell me.”

Frowning, Butler leaned back. “I protect you. I work for your father.”

Sensing that he’d offended, Artemis tried to backpedal. “I… no one will tell me, Butler. Why? I simply want to know more about my father.”

His bodyguard considered Artemis' plea.

“I’m sorry if I seemed dismissive,” Artemis wheedled, prodding further. “I’m… I’m just curious.”

Despite being fully aware Artemis’ apology was motivated more so by ulterior motives than it was by genuine compunctions, Butler softened.

“I know you must miss him,” he relented.

Artemis perked up, sensing he’d succeed in wearing down Butler’s earlier decision.

Butler ignored the voice of Madam Ko in the back of his mind. He wondered if he could absolve himself for a brief moment of weakness surrounding his bodyguard principles.

Artemis was just a boy, Butler thought. And a smart one at that. He doubted that there was a child on earth that could be satisfied with simply artifacts from the outside world.

Reaching to ruffle his charge’s hair, Butler almost smiled at the way Artemis scrunched up his face.

“Why must you and Mother persist in doing that?” Artemis complained.

“Just another grown-up thing, I guess,” Butler ventured, humming good-naturedly when Artemis scoffed.

“What are you reading?” Butler asked after a moment, changing the subject. Artemis glanced back at his book, debating his next course of action. Finally, his excitement surrounding the book he’d been reading won out over his desire to continue pushing Butler regarding his father.

Artemis spun the novel around, allowing Butler to examine it properly. “It’s a collection of short stories by Kenzaburō Ōe. Right now I am on ‘Lavish Are the Dead’.”

Butler nodded, picking up the work and mentally filing the name away. He was nearly positive Artemis fell very short of the intended age demographic.

“What’s it about?”

Artemis’ eyes lit up. “The subject material varies, but the tone is similar between the stories. Ōe’s style is very derivative of French existentialists. I like him more than Sartre and Camus, however.”

“Camus wrote ‘The Stranger’, right?” Butler surmised, looking at Artemis for confirmation. “Read that book during university. I’ve never forgotten the way the author described the old man’s sickly dog. Poor animal,” Butler reproved, tsking.

Artemis nodded. “Yes, that was Camus. ‘Lavish Are the Dead’ is similarly macabre in the service of its philosophy.”

Butler thumbed to the first page of the short story to which Artemis referred. He narrowed his eyes, reading silently. Artemis continued on, unconscious of Butler’s increasingly deepening frown as the man scanned through gruesome paragraph after paragraph.

“I suppose it can be read in many ways. One view would be that it’s a meditation on the forgetting of the Pacific War, despite the violence’s profound impact on the cultural psyche. However, it could also be read as the submerged presence of the Korean War in Japanese society, memory, and culture. I’d argue both critiques come mainly from the perspective of the intellectual establishment, be it that it is both Ōe and the protagonist studied French literature at the University of Tokyo.”

“Artemis,” Butler said slowly, resisting the urge to rub his temples or to throw the offending text from the room. “This is about dead bodies being kept in the medical faculty of a university.”

His charge tilted his head, blinking owlishly. “On a literal, textual sense, I suppose so, yes.”

Butler made a face, putting the book down. “It’s not appropriate for you. It’s… too much. You’re too young to be reading something like this.”

“I asked Father. He’s the one who brought it back from Tokyo,” Artemis offered lightly.

Butler floundered, unsure.

To push the matter, Butler would have to either insinuate the Fowl patriarch was so absentminded as to not curate the reading material of his son or he would have to insinuate that the man had made an incorrect call in judgment. Either would be a challenge to Artemis Sr.’s authority. Either would be making a statement on which of the two had more of a say over Artemis’ behavior. An absentee father or a paid caretaker — Artemis was beginning to test the waters of which of the two men had more of a claim to be the male figure to whom he deferred, Butler realized.

Artemis watched Butler, waiting for a response.

“I see,” Butler noted, being careful to keep his tone even. Artemis’ eyes widened, a motion that would have been nearly imperceptible had Butler not been searching for a reaction on the boy’s face.

The surprise vanished from Artemis quickly, and his eyes narrowed. “Oh?”

Rising, Butler pushed the book back towards Artemis. “Yes. If he approved the book, then I am fine with it.”

“You have no further opinion on the matter?” Artemis pressed.

Butler shrugged. “I’m just your bodyguard. Is my private attitude towards the matter necessary?”

A completely bullshit statement.

Butler knew that.

Artemis knew that.

Hell, it was likely even Artemis Sr. knew that.

Butler blamed Artemis Sr., just a bit. Usually, the Fowls and Butlers were closer in age. As eerily as the young Fowl might present himself, it was hard to not feel parental twinges towards the boy when Butler’s primary duties as a bodyguard were mundane things — things like keeping Artemis from skinning his knees around the house or preparing meals for him and Juliet. The Major and Artemis Sr. were unambiguously boss and bodyguard, but Butler, who had to force himself to not subconsciously categorize both Artemis and Juliet as his kids, and Artemis, who knew his father as a visitor to the house instead of a permanent fixture? Their dynamic was undoubtedly more fraught, unspeakably more complicated to unpack.

But Butler couldn’t bring himself to give words to his failure. To do so would make it irreversible. It’d be the final nail in the coffin he’d fashioned for himself.

So he pushed the tea tray closer to Artemis, quietly getting up to leave.

Disappointed, Artemis moved to pick his book back up, returning to his previous activity.

Pausing in the doorway, Butler turned, faltering.

Artemis didn’t lower the book, but his eyes tracked Butler’s every movement like a hawk. “Yes?”

“Artemis,” Butler began, hand curling around the doorframe with uncharacteristic timidity. “Your father said he’d be home tonight. You can ask him about his trip at dinner.”

“...Will you be joining us?”

“No.”

“I see,” Artemis commented neutrally, fixing Butler with a pointed stare.

Ignoring the way his feelings stung, Butler let his hand fall from the door, turning away.

“Make sure that you eat your lunch, Artemis,” Butler said at last, weary.

“Mhm.”

Both the toast and the tea remained untouched.

[its5amandimbored]

Part five of my fowl twins memes/review/reaction Ok so I reread all the artemis fowl books and made memes on them which you can find down here (I'll be keeping the fowl twins stuff in there too, just to keep everything together)

Artemis fowl memes

I basically decided to blindly read the fowl twins and react to it and talk about while also sprinkling in some memes

Also you probably shouldn't see this until you've read the book or be prepared for spoilers. Fair warning.

Previous

Myles is such a little shit tbh. Like imagine you're a genius, like a certified genius, with like a shit ton of life experience cause you've been through hell and back and you've seen death mutiple times and have been traumatized and saved the world multiple times and been close to death to many times to count have seen your mother go into insanity and your father die. So you're just done with life at this point, you're just a tired person. And you go to a university to give a lecture because you're a certified genius with three doctorates, and you're little brother who's like 15-18 years younger then you (depending on whether you think legally or physically) right, he's like 6 years old or something and he sneaks into the audience and starts like bullying you from the audience and insulting your scientific theory. And then you go to space and he sends you a message insulting you and your theory as your on way you to mars. Like. I would not be able to handle a brother like myles, artemis must be the most patient man on the planet to deal with him on a daily basis for years and never hurt him. Would've turned that rocket ship around to slap him. Maybe that's what his whole development lead to in the books. Maybe all the growth he went through was to help him not physically or emotionally destroy his little brother. I like to think if artemis had have to deal with myles when he was 12 he would've been verbally bullying him all the time while now he's just like tiredly nodding along like "yea ok."

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Holy shit. Myles is crazy. He's like "I'll prove I was right! I'll show em! I'll show em all!" Proceeds to destroy a building to prove his theory. I know no one got hurt or at least according to the books but he didn't know that.

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Imagine knowing your brother is such a little shit that in order to stop him from finding out what you're doing and stop him from being a peice of shit with your work you have to make up an entire scientific theory, present it in a lecture to some prestigious university in the hopes that he'll make fun of it and dedicate so much time to making fun of it he won't realize what you're working on.

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Lazuli involved in this crazy fowl adventure like

Lazuli is gonna get back like "holy shit. Oh my god. What the fuck was that??" And Holly's gonna be like "oh honey, same. I can tell you some stories"

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Ok artemis smiling more when he thinks of his little brothers greeting him is adorable. Artemis with the twins reminds me of a picture I saw a long time ago where someone was holding a grumpy serious cat and a goofy golden retriever and was like "this is my grumpy asshole, and my idiot. I love them both so much" and I really want like a picture of artemis hugging the twins with myles looking like he gonna punch someone and beckett just with a goofy grin with that caption cause honestly

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Kind of don't like that they keep saying this. Like first, don't keep saying like "fowls are friends with fairies" when it's really only the one fowl and the like 3 fairies. Like artemis is the only fowl to ever befriend or help fairies. Also stop saying friends forever artemis fowl the second would never say that and it reminds me to much of the movie. Also it has not been long it's been a few years, not even a generation. Like I guess he's just trying to emphasize the points so his brothers don't like try to make enemies with these fairies but it's still bothering me. Also don't just trust every single fairy. Fairies have tried killing you. And you do have magical enemies so like

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Alright artemis being a cute protective brother and myles being a little shit like "god we could only die. Stop being so emotional brother." Is the content I wanted. Why can't artemis be in the books? Like I just want some good sibling interactions. Also like artemis is around 10 years older then the twins. I know technically he's older because of the fifth book but he must feel around ten years older then them. He was 14 when he first met them and they were toddlers. Plus his parents seem to never be around, basically every time we see the twins they're home alone or with juliet or artemis or something. So he must've felt super protective of them, especially considering he went through so much trauma himself he would've wanted to prevent his little brothers from going through that. Like the few scenes we get with him and the twins in the artemis fowl series and this book is nothing but him being a very protective care giver. The very first scene with him and the twins, this is literal weeks after him meeting them, he's teaching them stuff and finger painting with them despite him hate doing messy or childish things, and he also programs myles toy monkey to have phrases and respond to myles. This is a little bit after he meets them meaning that he basically came home after 4 years of his life gone. He literally lost four years of his life he will never get back. Found out his parents immediately had children (I would've felt like they had replaced me.) And that he had two little brothers. And his immidete reaction was to make sure they were happy and to play with them and teach them new things and make toys for them. Like damn. Then in the 7th book he tells his mother that this will the last adventure and then he'll spend more time with the twins. Not "I'll spend more time on my education" not "more time with the family" more time with the TWINS, specifically his little brothers. Then in the 8th book despite usually being a serious person who tries to stay away from emotional reactions and stick to logic and reason, even when butler gets shot although he's very upset he forces himself to not cry and to immediately find a solution while in the 8th book he finds out his little brothers are in trouble, and immediately takes off for the house despite knowing he's running into danger and that there's probably safer ways to solve this if he stopped to think. Then he abandons all logic when faced with his brothers being possesed and even forgets the problem in front of him, of there being basically zombies in his house, because he's to focused on myles holding a sharp object and hurting himself. We then find out he got a customized fairy chair specifically made for his little brother and also knows his brothers favorite drink and exactly how to make it and serves it to him to comfort him from the recent possession. Then in this book we find out he made the NANNI system for his brothers to keep them safe, connected it to myle's glasses, gave him a laser but not a strong one because he was scared of his little brother hurting himself or others by accident, had a bonding moment with his little brother working on the NANNI system with him, and told them bed time stories of his adventures. Like it's adorable. Especially when you see someone so professional and serious and formal like artemis acting like this

I just wish we could see him interacting with them in person

Next