#WHY CANT I EXIST IN PEACE

[within-the-dark]

Had a Jonathan Sims moment™, and had a traumatizing experience with a spider. Again.

[candlesoul]

i dont want to do anything but i want to do everything you know

[cinnamon-notes]

i have been ghosting my friends for idk a month??? and they have been doing the same??? except for when we meet in a workplace cuz somehow our jobs decided to cross over :)

[twilightarcade]

that clone thang

waves at you. Hi welcome to the post where I answer the clone question but don't really have a fun linear way of doing it so it ends up being as many words as my brain allows

[really fucking long warning]

anyways this question is reallyreally interesting and actually something I never think about despite the nature of it?? Like it's sorta one of those things that gets joked about or referenced a bunch but it's never actively on my mind. I think one of the major decision points for me would be whether they have the same memories as me, the same feelings, the same thought process, etc or if they're just some sorta guy that looks like me. I'm assuming it's the first but the latter is. Interesting at the least.

I said last time I would kill them which. Isn't anything I could morally justify in any way whatsoever. It's not from a place of fear or hate towards that guy in particular. It's not like "oh no I don't want a clone what time to kill him" it's more like,, yk. I think I would have more difficulty killing an exact clone of me, memories and all because that's such a dick thing to do?? I would hate to die so. They would presumably hate to die.? But there's also that mutual. Morbid curiosity I suppose. WHICH this whole thing is really generally dark and not on theme with this blog in general I guess but idk suck it up or whatever for now.

I would hate to kill someone in general actually, I don't condone murder, shockingly enough. Which this whole. Whatever. Opens up an argument about how I don't have the,, right? To kill my clone. Which I don't. I think he knows that though. I also know that. If we got into a? Legitimate fight. I don't know who would win. Obviously yes I should say me because I'm so cool and the original but that just goes back to the superiority thing don't you think? We're literally the same person and most of my actions outlined here is just some sorta. Mean.

Famously, I am not a fighter, not according to my dad at least. But that's just because I'm not? Running around and getting into fights?? I think if I jumped myself I could kill him. Or even just. Had a knife. I don't think we would fight though,? I think us killing each other or one of us could be arranged relatively peacefully. If that makes any sense.

I think if they were just an empty shell, some sorta guy that I don't know inhabiting my form, I would kill them. Without much thought behind it. Not out of hate for them, more out of hate for myself

back to less. Murderous thoughts, I think it would be incredibly comforting having someone I could like. Talk to. Assuming it's just. Me but not me. I could talk to them about absolutely anything! And they would get it! They would nod their heads and go mhm I know what you're talking about. I think in that respect we could be really good friends but that's not even really... friendship,? And even in terms of being comforting that's really limited because it's still just. Me. I'm still stuck with myself even if he does happen to be outside of my own mind. And I hate it and hate it and hate how as I'm going over all this I'm sitting here thinking "he would get it" because he's me!!! Of course he would get it.! Out of everyone on the goddamn earth if anyone was to get if of COURSE it would be myself!!! And it sickens me because there's still no further outside connection. I can talk to myself all day long but in the end does that really get me anywhere?? Does anything get resolved??? Like the whole thing with therapists and such is that you get an outside perspective on your problems or whatever and that's an INCREDIBLY inside perspective. i don't know.

getting away from that trainwreck because I'm trying oh so hard to get away from negatives here I think if like. I ignored all of that. We could be good friends. Maybe. I sort of hate the idea of having like? A reflection of myself? Some Guy that's not me yet still me. But in this ideal imaginative world, we could be good friends. We could bring each other up and all the good stuff. But at the end of the day I can't really escape the fact that.. it's me...?

I don't think I could live with that. I think we should walk away and never talk to each other again. I think the fact that there's some guy who's just. Me. Out there, somewhere would haunt me and eat away at me. In the perfect world we would be great friends! Do all that stereotypical "I have a clone time to make them do work for me" type stuff but in a loving caring relationship type way! But it's not really a perfect world and I'm not really a perfect person either and I would kill some guy that looks like myself just for the hell of it because I'm a dick I guess?????? I hate it and I'm a terrible person for it and i would not admit this in a court of law but oh my god!!!! I WISH I could just sum it up to one of the the generic responses but I CANT. I want me dead and I think I would also want me dead and it's some sorta terrible cycle till someone dies. Maybe it would be fine. Maybe I'm over thinking it. Maybe he wouldnt think too hard about it. But since he's me it probably would.? I sure would over think the implications of me being a clone of someone just look at me now! Documenting my delusions online. In a tumblr dot com post. We would be great friends if not for the horrors. I think we should vivisect each other.

[isopode]

got called a dyke & told to kms while on a night out to celebrate my bday 👍 abt to enter yet another era of severe internalized homophobia 😍

[turbulentornado]

im just gonna say this now and once. I am afraid for the lives of my friends and family. I just want you all to know that those posts saying "watch your zionist followers closely" and "question all zionists" is not conducive to any situation, and translates into the real world as hate crimes. Whether you are so called "well intentioned" or not, this is terror. Nothing, not loss of life or torture or anything is justifiable for any reason.. yet alot of you seem to have lost the plot. There are people suffering the worst things one can go through in life, and your solution is to berate jews and zionists? Do you genuinely think this will help anyone? I am exhausted from seeing nothing but hate towards jews. So please, do me a favor and block me if you dont see a problem with how the world is currently treating jews. Because then i will know definitively who i need to fight in the streets when it finally comes time for you to take your intense hatred and ignorance into the real world.

[faneth]

uh oh it seems like your account also disappeared from the search. the same shit happened to me and many others here. you need to contact tumblr support about your account’s termination. it’s some kind of a glitch here, but they can fix it

[climbing on a fridge] this house is a fucking nightmare

[la-lil-alien]

[when-did-this-become-difficult]

.

[eudico-my-beloved]

woke up from the nastiest nap ever my head hurts and my neck is bent weird and i cant breathe. this sucks

[polaraffect]

venting in the tags yippeee

[fandommemequeen]

anything related to moving fills me with dread bc it reminds me how ill probably have to move to another state at best or another country at worst in a few months time

[noisy-weasel]

I've complained about this before but the biggest problem with Ikémen vampire is just the main conflict just doesn't freaking work. It's an idea that's really easy to be opinionated about but they don't allow the character to be opinionated cause she needs to be easy to insert yourself. So they say their big piece about whatever and I can't argue at all. So annoying.

[pizzapizzadickz]

.

[hopefulyellowlamp]

why do i have to pay to be productive when im already paying for seeing stuff life is hell and i wish for destruction of mankind

[cinefairy]

the comforts of the imagination.

here i am— confused, scared & worried about whether im doing a technique right. here i am, struggling on finding fulfilment of my desires, not realising that fulfilment is already within me and has always been within me. i just haven’t trusted myself yet.

there is no reason to second-guess your worthiness of your desires. your imagination accepts you. your imagination isn’t asking you and will never ask you to be perfect. the great thing about imagination is that it will accept you for whoever you are. the only thing it asks you to do is fulfil yourself how you wish to.

stop worrying about the if/when/how/when why would you worry about that stuff? its a whole other layer that disrupts the peacefulness you could be receiving, its hard to stop the cycle of the comfortability but there’s no other way around it, the cycle has to end.

ask yourself: what will doubting myself bring me? nothing but more doubts.

what will seeking from the outside rather than inside bring me? nothing but chasing something that already exists within you.

what will worrying bring me? nothing but more worries.

now does any of that serve you? does it bring you goodness and peace. the answer is no.

give yourself what you want in imagination and imagination will not deny, it will not stop you and say “you cant have that” it will only accept what you accept.

so there you go, let go of everything that is not serving you & give yourself everything that you please and when i say everything i mean everything. do not hold back (because why would you when you’re free?) why settle for something less of what you truly deserve to have?

don’t shame yourself if you fall out of the state, get back in! that state doesn’t just disappear, its still within you. find it and go back in. it may feel uncomfortable at first and thats okay— when i get uncomfortable at my first newly state i perceive it as me finally stepping out of my comfort zone. i am not used to feeling this way, i am not used to giving myself what i please. it will be uncomfortable but soon this great feeling will be my home. it IS my home. i am just settling in.

you are surrounded by love, you are love, you are safe. imagination will not let you down. it will accept you— so now that you are aware that everything will be okay, that you are safe to imagine the things you’ve so deeply wanted. what are you gonna do?