#WHY IS THERE SO MUCH WRONGGGG

[tittyinfinity]

My neurodivergencies and mental illnesses overlap so much that you could diagnose me with about anything at this point

[cambrinkownsme]

⋆.ೃtreat me better ࿔*:･

paige Bueckers x fem!reader

words : 3k

themes :

-angst

-18+

-comfort

warnings :

-drinking

-slight sexual content

-homophobia

A/N - I got this idea at like 2 am and it took me three days to write it but I love it tbh.

No matter how close the game was, the girls will always go out after a win. Most times I choose to not tag along since i'll probably get pushed aside. This time Paige and the girls came home more excited than usual. They made it to the final four. I was laying on the couch watching a couple episodes of friends when the doorknob of my apartment shook open. The sound of Paige's keys jingling single handily lifted me off the couches cushions. My eyes lit up even more when Paige's bright eyes met with mine.

I was originally just a trainer for Paige when she tore her ACL but during all of that, I was also trying my best to improve my volleyball career. Once I realized that being Paige's trainer would lead to a bit more, I also realized that I would get invested in everything else. Now that she was healed I tagged along the other girls, helping them out when no one was there to help with their own injuries. Finally, the season was almost over. All the other people that helped out with the teams injuries were back and ready to work. So this was my chance to get back on the volleyball court and actually pursue something. Paige was there the whole way. Anytime I would push her away so that she could focus on her own goals she would say something along the lines of "you helped me so much y/n I can't just not give anything back" and I just couldn't say no when she had that sexy of a voice. Who said that. Everything was chill, me and Paige stayed friends and we helped each other reach our goals. It felt nice to have such a good friend by my side with all that I was going through.

Paige walked through the door and her bright blue eyes met mine. She had a couple tears of joy in her eyes ready to fall and once they did I was ready to gently wipe them away. I wrapped my arms around her torso while hers were lifting me up in the air. Wow she never did that before. A loud giggle left my mouth when i noticed that I was in the air now. The blondes arms had a tight grip on my waist, keeping me up with stability. When she finally let me down all she did was jump around the living room like a child. "Did you see me and Nika's blocks?" She yelled across the room while I stood in place with my hands on my hips. A very entertained look was on my face while I watched Paige leap through the living room. "Yes i did! I saw everything!" I rushed up to Paige to hold her in place and calm her down. Before I could pull her into another hug, our phones buzzed at the same time. Paige pulled hers out first and looked down at a text from KK asking if we were up for a party tonight. Without hesitation Paige grabbed onto my wrists and shook them around while begging for me to come with. "Are you serious Paige? We do this every time, i don't like parties...." Paige kept on whining while giving me puppy dog eyes. I guess this once wouldn't be bad.

WRONGGGG

So I gave in and went to my bathroom to get ready. Most of Paige's stuff was here already so she didn't bother going back to the teams house to get ready. I spent around 45 minutes getting ready. I don't know why. It's not like there would be anyone important there. It's just a party. Nothing more. I dragged the mascara wand against my eyelashes while blinking to dry them quicker. I took one last look in the mirror before going to my closet to pick out an outfit. My eyes were immediately drawn to a black tube top and some jean shorts. It was probably going to be cold outside so I grabbed a red zip up to cover my bare collarbones and shoulders. The only shoes I could find were my red converse which I was kind of lucky to have. I walked out of my walk-in closet to find Paige sitting on the edge of my bed, putting on a pair of shoes. The moment i stepped out, Paige's eyes were very obviously clinging to my body. She tried to hide the fact that she was staring hard at my top by complimenting me quickly. "Shit you look good! Everyone's gonna be on you..." Her words dragged on with very clear tones of jealousy. She was wearing a pair of jeans and a red button up flannel. Fuck me.

Once I had grabbed my purse and some lip balm, Paige held my hand while walking out the door and I locked it behind us. We walked over to Paige's car and the moment we got inside it was Drake on repeat. She sadly grabbed the aux before I could. The entire drive was filled with Paige's voice cracking every other lyric and me pretending to not know every line. The bar that the girls decided to be at seemed way nicer than the others. Of course I may have not been out either the girls a lot but the times that I was, most of the places they partied at were just a tad bit sketchy. Paige parked her car next to Aubrey's and stepped out of the car before brushing off her shirt by sliding her hands down her chest. She clearly wanted to look presentable. The second I heard Chase Atlantic playing on the speakers I couldn't resist from singing, almost screaming, to the lyrics. I waved to a couple of the girls who were sitting at a booth right ahead of me and Paige.

"What took ya'll so long?" KK said before shoving Paige's shoulder with a wide smile on her face. "This one did" Paige said gesturing behind her to me. "She must have someone to impress huh" Ice teased me while poking at my hip. I let out a forced laugh knowing that they were right. "Nuh uhhh. I just like doing my makeup to go out..." I lied quickly. Before anyone could make anymore remarks on how i cared about my appearance, Nika came around the corner with a plate of shots for everyone. I jumped up once she set down the cup and wrapped my arms around her back. "NIKA!" I squealed, clinging myself onto Nika's body. She leaned back a little, almost falling back from the intensity of my hug. "Woah! Heyyy!" Her arms settled around my waist, melting into my back. My eyes were shut against Nika's skin but when I opened them I saw Paige staring the both of us down with not an ounce of happiness on her face. I tried my best to not react but jesus it was hard. Is Paige Bueckers, my best friend, jealous that i'm hugging her teammate? Or am I just tweaking.

I stepped away from Nika and gave her a squeeze on her forearm before pulling Paige to the side and whispering to her. "You good? You looked pissed at me just right now." She did nothing but nod. Just a simple nod. She took a sip of her drink before going over to talk with Azzi. I looked around the building to see if there were any other girls scattered around the place but for the most part everyone seemed to be in the same place. I walked up to the table of our booth and took a shot before leaning my head on Paige's shoulder. Most people viewing from afar would think that we were dating but I swear we have no feelings for each other. Paige doesn't at least. I had been messing around with the short sleeve of Paige's flannel when I felt someone tap my shoulder. I spun around to find one of my old volleyball teammates staring at me. I didn't realize it was her until she gave me that 'bitch do you not know me' look. I gasped louder than ever before wrapping my arms around the girl. "Oh my God Liv?! What are you doing here?" I squealed while pulling myself out of the hug. "I transferred a couple months ago! I saw on your Instagram that you went here and decided to surprise you. Plus my boyfriend plays for the basketball team so..." I turned around to pull Paige over in Liv's direction to introduce the two girls. "Paige this is Liv!" I say, frantically tapping the blondes shoulder. "Remember we played volleyball together in high school?" Paige was silent but seemed chill. She just kept of nodding in agreement with the same enthusiasm I was giving her. "I'm gonna go catch up with her ok? Don't dance without me p!" I yelled out while walking across the bar to sit down with a couple of Liv's friends.

I ended up sitting between her and a brunette guy. I didn't want to rude, so I introduced myself to him before Liv could. "Hey I'm y/n." I held my hand out in front of the guy. He looked at me in the eye, making me notice that his eyes were even more blue than Paige's. Damn. He held onto my hand and shook it for what felt like longer than needed. He had a shy smile on his lips and did anything he could to not break eye contact with me. "I'm Carter." It felt like our hands were melting together before he pulled away to look at Liv. "Carter this is y/n!" Apparently me and Carter were quiet enough for people to not realize that we already knew each other by now. "Oh yeah she introduced herself already." He pointed his thumb to the side, motioning to me. A little time passed that was filled with mindless drunken conversations. My head had slowly fallen on Carter's shoulder and It took me by surprise when he didn't shove me off. So I pretended to sleep soundly when I was really listening in on whatever nonsense every what talking about now. I slowly tried to inch my arm through Carter's to loop our limbs together. This is when he knew that I wasn't asleep, he gently moved his arm away from his hip for me to fit my arms through before closing in on my arms. What the fuck am I doing. Now I tried my best to act tired when he tapped me "awake." I sat up and looked around while rubbing my eyes gently enough to not smudge any mascara. "I think I'm gonna head home now." Liv snapped her head to me and furrowed her eyebrows. "What why? We've only hung out for a little bit." She whined. "I don't know I'm just tired already." I groaned while standing up and grabbing my purse. I was about to leave when I felt Carter's strong hand hold onto mine while he lifted himself up. "Let me drive you home."

Me and Carter were halfway to exit when I remember that Paige was probably still waiting for me. Just as we were going to cross the booth that Paige and her team were at I changed my mind. "Actually Carter I'm sorry but I have a friend that goes home with me and I cant leave her alone." His expression changed immediately.

"I'm sure she'll be fine." He had his hand wrapped my wrist now.

"Seriously I would feel so shitty if I just left her." I laughed off what started to feel like fear.

"No. Come on stop being ridiculous, you need to get home." His hand started to tighten around my skin.

"Carter can you stop. Just let me go home with her." I started to try and shake my arm out of his grip.

"Y/n just fucking stop. Lets go." He tugged on my wrist, trying to lead me out the door. This was perfect timing for me to be in the girls' sight now.

"Shit! Carter let me go!" I stopped walking and stood still while trying to pry his hand off of my wrist.

Finally Paige looked up and saw what was going on. Not a single ounce of hesitation crossed her mind. She stood up and rushed over to me. "Hey man let her fucking go!" She stormed in Carter face while holding a hand around my waist, pulling me away from the brunette. Carter was startled away by the 5'11 girl that had just as much confidence and more than his own. I had a couple tear in my waterline but quickly got rid of them by blinking and wiping the wet streaks of of my face. "Woah back off, I'm just trying to take her home." Carter snapped at Paige. "No, fuck off." Paige turned around with me in her grasp and walked back over to the booth. Everyone but Caroline didn't even realize what just happened. "Fine, I wouldn't want to fuck a dyke anyway." Carter yelled back at both me and Paige. It took everything in me to not turn around and swing at Carter. So Paige did it for me. she threw a hard punch right at the brunettes nose, knocking him back against the floor. "Jesus Paige!" I wrapped my hands around both of her arms and pulled her away. Her adrenaline faded away in less than a second but I swear I could still see fume flowing out of her ears. She winced while rubbing her knuckle back and forth. "Lets go." Paige said coldly while look down at Carters now bloody face. I nodded silently before holding onto her hand and walking the two of us out the exit door. Surprisingly, Paige hand gotten even a little tipsy that night. As much as I didn't want to make her drive, I didn't want to get into a crash at 12 am so Paige drove me to my apartment and unlocked the door. "Paige no. come in." I refused to let her drop me off and deal with whatever anger was built up in her alone.

I practically dragged Paige out of the car and through my door. She seemed more drunk than I was right now. I walked her to my bathroom and tapped on the counter, gesturing for her to sit down on it. She lifted herself up and winced again after putting pressure of her wounded hand. Her legs were swinging back and forth while she fidgeted with her own thumbs and I grabbed a first-aid kit and some rubbing alcohol. Her legs were spread just enough for me to fit myself in-between. I rested against her thigh while holding her fist in my hand and gently swiping away the excess blood. "This is gonna hurt." Were the only words I let out from when she punched Carter to when we almost fell asleep. I dabbed a cotton ball soaked with rubbing alcohol on the very tip of her knuckle, causing Paige's head to tilt back while she swayed her feet a bit more aggressively. "Shit!" she whined a bit before I pulled the cotton ball away and threw it in the trash can. Now that her fist was clean I could've just left it like that. I could've cleaned up the mess, put everything away and go to sleep. But of course I had to raise her hand up to my lips and place a gentle kiss on her knuckle. A lingering smell and taste of rubbing alcohol transferred to my lips but I tried to hide that. When I looked up, Paige's eye were locked onto mine. I did everything in me to attempt to look away but before I could I felt Paige's soft lips pressed into mine. I quickly got more comfortable with the kiss and slowly moved my hands to wrap around Paige's waist. I tilted my head to the side to perfectly fit her nose in between my eye socket and my own nose. She pulled away gently to look at me and protest what just happened. "I'm sorry-"

"Shut the fuck up."

I moved my hand up to Paige jawline and continued to wrap my lips around hers. I could feel that she didn't want to pull away but felt like she had the need to. "Sit up." I whispered through kisses and that she did. Paige stood up and moved her hands around my back, slowly moving them closer to my ass. I led her to my room and shut the door behind me before pushing her against the bed. I unlatched our lips to speak one more time.

"How long have you wanted to do this?"

"Long fucking time."

"I know."

I let my tongue slip in between Paige's lips, tangling itself with her own. Her hands were now running a long my back under my shirt. I pulled away for one last second to take of my shoes and jacket before fully crawling on top of Paige's lap and placing kisses down her neck and collarbones. Soft whines escaped the blondes mouth as I move closer to the opening of her flannel. Without removing my lips from her skin, I unbuttoned the flannel to reveal just a black sports bra. I looked up at Paige, giving her a look that was waiting for approval to take off her bra. She nodded eagerly giving me the chance to take it off. I couldn't help but stare at her tits before moving my lips further down her chest now reach her stomach. I traced my lips against each toned ab that she had. I could feel her stomach flexing against my mouth once I reached her bikini line. Now I gently unzipped her jeans and slipped them down her legs before tossing them to the side. The only noise I heard were the desperate whines leaving Paige's mouth, getting louder the lower I moved my lips. I practically tore her boxers off.

This is what I needed.

[unoriginal-and-dumb]

i need to know everything about your infected like. now

Okay Dokay! (I’m gonna say everything that comes to mind I might miss stuff or repeat previously said things but I love never re-reading what I wrote)

God I got a lot to say sorry, I put this at the bottom too but if anyone ever has specific questions I will be (very) happy to answer them!!!

Infected is, at face value, pretty good at kinda acting like Kasper. Which is why nobody else really seems too bothered by his switch up besides Lampert. Lampert knew him best and for REAL so, well yea you know. He would know when his best friend is acting wrongggg

I think that the virus was inside the roomba that infected has in their apartment. The irony is too perfect, because I don’t imagine Kasper being gods cleanest fella so the idea of the thing that basically wiped out his consciousness coming from something he got to try and start being cleaner. I think he would’ve gotten the roomba because Lampert was basically begging him to do something to try and fix his fuck ass apartment

The virus itself feeds off of consciousness, it overwhelms and takes over the pervious one then kinda produces a shitty copy of it so it can continue feed off any form of consciousness that could’ve been

Infected MAY have the iq of wall paper. Stupid and dumb.

Infected kinda just has like 0 form of self preservation because the virus itself doesn’t really… understand it I guess? It’s more of like a “FEELING PAIN IS A WASTE OF TIME!” Although it wouldn’t just be pain-centric. He just kinda does fuck-all because it’s fun or everyone else does it or whatever

The error pattern on his arm (and other parts of his body tbh) can spread to other things via touch, but it doesn’t really just stay there

The virus is kinda weird because it’s like. Very much digital but it also is clearly affecting him physically? So it kinda just. Is both things at once I dunno magic elevator magic virus yellow person with dot eyes and no nose what can I say.

Infected is a flat and static character, he is unchanging as is, he is only the face value personality of Kasper, it’s like trying to hold a conversation with a half baked answer machine. After a while he kinda just starts repeating things.

Infected is friends with Split and Poob, as mentioned on the wiki. It’s not even remotely comparable to what Kasper and Lampert had though (😢). They are more of like yea let’s invite Infected over to a party since he kinda seems to just stand in the corner and be a freak. They enjoy Infected’s presence, but again it’s like speaking to an answer machine after awhile

Kasper would frequently change up his look, keeping a few things like his hat always but he was like constantly trying out different colors and whatever clothing stuff, but when he became Infected he kind of jsut got stuck on the tough guys wear pink shirt era (going full npc, wearing literally nothing else because ah yes this is Kasper and I am “Kasper”)

Almost nothing truly gets to infected, yea he’s upset about pop tart but it’s all very shallow and more played off as a joke. Bros life is all sunshine and rainbows wait till he hears about taxes 😭

^ however, it’s not impossible for things to really break through for them. Albeit really just not that likely, they could be made SUPER MEGA UPSET! It’s times like that when he actually seems to have even just undertones of Kasper existing (which is why, despite Lampert HATING infected, I think there would be a time he shoves those feelings aside and tries to comfort infected because that’s still his best friends face)

Infected cannot stand be called Kasper. He ignores it for a bit but after a while he lashes out pretty badly. To be fair though, having 0 memories of someone but everyone else claiming you are them is kinda weird

Infected (specifically) would sound like cooper2723, shitty mic and all

Infected skates like skate 3. He does that speed glitch every time and nobody gets it. He also sometimes rolls full force into a curb and just flies off the skate board (he forgort)

Eczema rep as mentioned before, the stupid error texture is super extremely itchy, but that’s also why it’s spread so much because he fucking scratches the hell outta it. It also just hurts in general (LIKE IF U HAD SAND PAPER. ON UR SKIN. ALWAYS.) but again 0 sense of self preservation bruh don’t give a fuck

He wears the arm warmer to try and hide the error texture. He consciously does not really have a reason but it is in order for the virus to try and be more discreet. Not many people have really taken a notice or care at least so it’s kinda working..? (Not rlly it’s pretty obvious)

Infected HATES unpleasant a blood curdling amount. It doesn’t matter if unpleasant does literally nothing they will blame EVERYTHING on unpleasant. Uh oh bad weather? It’s that fucking gradient’s fault

Infected sometimes just starts tweaking. Like straight Blair witching or honestly even like the boss in s2 of smiling friends. He goes right back to normal but he just does that sometimes (it’s because there’s another backseat driver getting pissed off and existing again before going bed bye go the next however long)

Kasper had pretty bad anger issues but he was able to not start genuinely losing it. Infected however. Infected is gods happiest/angriest soldier

He could be a real smiler, a real big yaaaayyyyyy typa fella one second but one thing sets him off and he is a nightmare to be around. We talking cod lobby throwing shit hair pulling slur yelling type stuff

Infected lives on energy drinks.

They also don’t really sleep, it’s seen as a waste of time when he could be saying terrible things online or skateboarding off a building. Only real time he does anything that a normal human NEEDS to do is when he’s like sims 4 forced to (I.e straight up passing tf out on the floor)

I made this up because I wanted BOTH but his stupid ass SNOT, when it’s green that’s just icky snot when it’s pink that’s not snot or blood but a malicious 3rd option (the error infection thing, although it is kind of just like blood for him at least)

Infected doesn’t really realize that people change appearance over time and that’s like normal so he may do absolutely fuckall half the time but he does maintain appearance (hair cut/dye clothes) and stuff very well because they think they have to look exactly like how Kasper did at the point of infection

Errr he’s aroace :) and trans :) yah :) because kasper is :) 🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙🧡💛🤍🩵💙 yaaaayyyyyyyyyyy

Infected’s eyes actually are white, that’s not just stylistic choice. Or at least they kinda catch the light the way a cat’s does. He is very very eerie in the dark because of this. The error pattern is unaffected by lighting (because. It’s an error texture.) so that combined with white ass eyes and some guy who stands and moves like something else puppeteering a human is… eerie.

He’s Wasian! Korean-American specifically. He does have a Korean name but really just doesn’t go by it ever

This isn’t Infected-centric but relating to Kasper, he grew up mainly with his mom cuz his dad peaced tf out (lol). He did like his dad though, which is why he wore the hat all the time, at this point though he doesn’t really care about his dad and just wears it because it’s his fucking hat and he does not take that shit off

Infected constantly acts out of it, extreme fever style. Weird forgetful says nonsense half the time and just laughs at everything when he’s not busy smiling creepily

Infected is indifferent on everyone, he doesn’t particularly hold grudges (he just forgets about any arguments in general or ignores them) he only really hates unpleasant

He isn’t really enemy to anyone due to the infection trying to get a good way to spread (if ur around a bunch of people all the time, I mean likeeee)

There’s other things but this is very long and I dunno, if anyone has specific questions I’d be happy to answer!!!

[quartztwst]

Hii, sorry if this is a weird question, but it seems like you know Azul's character rlly well, so I wanted to ask - Do you think he'd be more of a tsundere in any kind of relationship (platonic or romantic) or open about his feelings? Have a nice day!

OHHH NO YOU ASKED THE WRONGGGG PERSONNNNNDKFJNAKADJSFNSNDKF i literally characterize Azul so bad i literally wrote him cooking meth and him being silly……. There’s plenty of people that do a much better way of understanding Azul’s personality and his relationships like @/pianostarinwonderland and some others nfasdfkjsk

I am the LAST PERSON TO BE ASKED THIS BC I DO TOO MUCH STUPID SHIT WITH HIM HRELPRL but I’ll give you my opinion!! Btw it’s not properly typed bc i love rambling

FIRST… AN (ATTEMPT) UNDERSTANDING OF AZUL (BECAUSE I CANNOT “ANALYZE”) IN HOW HE VIEWS RELATIONSHIPS:

From what personal stories and the game shows, Azul views relationships as transactional. YES I KNOW EVERYONE HAS SAID THAT BUT IT’S SUCH A MAJOR TRAIT IN HIS PERSONALITY. It’s just the truth.

In his stupid PE uniform R personal story, Azul sucks at flying (AS EVER) and Vargas pairs him up with Jamil to help his pathetic attempts. Jamil is obviously annoyed and proceeds to try to help Azul but Azul replies with a “what do you want?” CLEARLY THINKING THAT JAMIL WANTS SOMETHING OUT OF HIM FOR HELPING AZUL FLY ON A BROOM. Jamil doesn’t.. Like he doesn’t care he just wants to get this over with

But you get what I’m saying. Azul’s way of relationships isn’t really.. HEALTHY?? He views relationships as beneficial and transactional. You give and you take… but with friendship!!! It’s not a very healthy way to live but hey, what do you do when you’ve been bullied into nothing. He’s probably been in the “hey, my friend likes you” joke that “those” kids do.

(Okay idk why I said that its actually hurting me while thinking that I’m literally taking damage)

Anyways, what I’m saying is that he’s been treated as a joke by his peers and he probably does his contract deals to be treated seriously. I know it doesn’t sound irrelevant because I’m fucking typing what’s coming to mind but I feel like it’s connected to how he views relationships.

Also take a note on how he also views the tweels. (YES THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS THEY JUST DONT WANNA ADMIT IT). They aren’t servant and master like Jamil and Kalim but they are together like a business deal. They assist Azul and in return, it better be fun for them. (AND THEY WILL NEVER LEAVE AZUL I SWEAR THEY ARE BEST FRIENDS THEY ARE-)

We also need to take a note on how his parents are divorced. This can also affect a child’s view on relationships. (YES HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT HIS BIOLOGICAL DAD JUST LET ME SPEAK)

He has never spoke of his biological father and praises his step father in which he calls “father.” It’s either Azul doesn’t give a fuck about his dad or just forgot about him which is understandable. (Why remember when he doesn’t serve a purpose in your life but your birth?)

But it seems like his mom and step father have a good relationship since he mentions that they get along well and are a good couple which probably will inspire Azul

So what i will piece here is that Azul finds relationships and friendships as transactional but if he were to find an actual SERIOUS romantic relationship, he’ll try to make it work. Also him and the tweels are besties.

SECOND… THE ACTUAL FUCKING QUESTION… TSUNDERE OR OPEN???:

(This is in a Azul Ashengrotto x Reader (Prefect) way)

Personally, I kinda like tsunderes……………… so like a tsundere Azul I would love a lot. Idk i love it when characters get flustered but I wouldn’t think Azul would be a tsundere unless it depends on the person.

In friendships, he would probably see you a business transaction. Someone that will benefit him but he would be kind of sweet??

I MEAN LIKE in a way he would gift you a small souvenir from a school trip.

You know during the City of Flowers trip, he bought the Tweels a souvenir. I would like to think you were at the level of the tweels………. But you’re not.

He gifts you a sweet souvenir and he suddenly says you owe him LMAOOOO

He offers to tutor you and you suddenly owe him

He offers to give you a SMALL discount and then you suddenly owe him

A LOT OF TRANSACTIONS but he cares about you and it benefits you.

He would probably tease you a little too

HOWEVER… ROMANTICALLY IS CONFUSING..

Let’s say he has a crush on you. He’s kind of embarrassed and probably tries his best to hide it a lot BECAUSE HIS ASS IS BY THE TWEELS ALL DAY. A SENSE OF WEAKNESS AND HE’S PROBABLY TEASED LMAO.

Floyd: “Hey, Azul, why are you staring at Shrimpy for so long?”

Azul, has no idea what the fuck is happening to him: “.. Me either.”

At the start, it’s probably so confusing for Azul.

He probably had crushes in elementary school but since he was bullied, he probably saw himself as undesirable which made him keep the feelings to himself to prevent further bullying.

So he’ll try to hide it. SO like OH HE’S FACING YOU?? He’s turning away. He was a bit too comfortable to you?? BYE YOU NEVER SEE HIM AGAIN. He brushed his hand on yours? Omg he’s like 6 feet away from you. I’M EXAGGERATING but he’s a little distant.

And it’s not like he’s visibly flustered. He’s very good at what he does.

I wouldn’t say he would be tsundere but shy and fucking scared LMAO

He’s trying his best to not show signs of affection to you because he doesn’t know how you feel about him

After accepting it, he doesn’t know what to do next. He doesn’t know if he should confess or just let it fade away because his previous crushes faded away.

Azul is a very observant mf so I feel like he would try to observe how you act around him to make his judgement on if he should make his move. (Ew that’s creepy.. but i meant it if you actually feel comfortable around his company or if you feel hostile around him)

His FIRST MOVE… is a FUCKING TRANSACTION.

Azul: “Prefect, I’ve been noticing how awful your study habits are! I’ve been wondering if you need any tips or assistance with it. I would be happy to help you study and be your tutor! … F-For a price of course!”

He’s trying ok. Take it or leave it.

He thinks as long he is beneficial to you, you might find him a bit worthy to have your attention and also it’s to up his confidence

He continues to make these small and helpful transactions and deals until he gets a little more confident.

I feel like he would think his flirting is obvious but his reputation pictures him as a sneaky guy that it doesn’t look genuine.

He is trying his best to look genuine but with his reputation… ermm.. sure buddy.

Azul probably has a plan to get you to date him idk like not in a EVIL SCARY way but in a desperate and pathetic attempt

So basically uh

HE’S TRYING HIS BEST TO BE OPEN 👍

When y’all start dating i feel like he’ll end up more open to you. Gifting you stuff and being on dates.

I adore tsundere Azul still

This is mostly just rambling and things i would think would fit Azul in MY OPINION I’m not good at writing Azul seriously

[wepsi]

Guess where I'm touching next~<3-Asmo(smut)

(Not my art! Go follow @ _ivutyozo_ on Instagram!)

Gender neutral reader

Cw:Blindfold, handcuffs, spanking

Scenario: I mean it's a smut with Asmo, get ready for some kinky sex ; )

You couldn't see anything, all you could hear is Asmo shuffling around you and purring. All your senses are heightened, and you were very aware of your dripping bare sex. You were on your knees with them spread apart, and hands cuffed behind your back, blindfolded and awaiting Asmo's command.

"Let's play a game why don't we~"

You feel a cold flat object touch your ass, probably a paddle.

"If you can guess right where I'm going to touch you, you get fucked. If you get it wrong? You get spanked<3. Guess it wrong three times? You don't get fucked."

You couldn't see but you know that there was a curl on the corner of Asmo's mouth, he was enjoying himself, even excited. You hear him moving around on the bed, probably admiring your body and choosing the victim. You hear him stop moving, his hands probably hovering somewhere, it was your turn.

"Ummmmmmm, is it my neck?"

"Close but nope! <3"

You heart rises to your throat, not being able to know when it happens. Just when you let your guard down a little in confusion, you hear a swish and the paddle connects with your behind with a loud smack. It was hard to not fall over, and you yeeped from surprise, and hear Asmo chuckle from your left vicinity.

The paddle didn't hurt as much as you thought just like Asmo reassured you. But the element of surprise makes your heart race. You hear Asmo moving again, and your heart was beating in your ears. He stops moving followed by complete silence , this time you pay attention and the sound stops in front of you. Was it your chest? But that's too easy

"Is it my stomach?"

"Nice guess! but wrongggg"

Closing your eyes and wincing, this time knowing he wants to surprise you. But as soon as his sentence finishes he swings it onto you, still surprising you. The smack ringing through the room along with your whimper. The lack of touch making your sex weep, you needed to get the third right.

"Third time's the charm! <3"

Focusing really hard on the sound, you hear him moving around, eyeing up what he wanted to conquer next. You hear him stop behind you, last time you overthought, so this time it has to be your ass right? Maybe he wanted to sooth it? taking a deep breath you answer with a shaky breath.

"Ass, the next part you touch is my ass."

"Nope! But the paddle will~"

You feel your heart drop, accompanied by a third smack, your ass stinging a little more now. Your ignored sex and body making you whimper, so what now? Do we stop? You feel a hand suddenly on your back, pushing you down onto the bed, cuffed hands making you face hit the soft blankets.

"Right or wrong you were going to get fucked anyways my pretty human~"

You feel the heat radiating from his cock against your entrance, it twitched with excitement. He leaned forward and explores his hand all over your body, all the times he wanted to hold back earlier. You feel his hand all over you at a crazy speed, pinching and pulling your nipples, caressing all of your flesh and grabbing it. Reaching his hand under you he gives you the attention that you've been waiting for.

Still only being able to see the black blindfold, his hand touching your sex making your jolt. He purrs into your ear as pleases you, telling you to moan for him. He suddenly pulls away, and you feel his huge cock slip in in one go, probably due to some magic. Suddenly feeling so full you groan clenching your hands.

He goes back to pleasing you, at the same time pounding into you, as the avatar of lush this was easy to him. Normally this would be too overwhelming, but after being teased for so long you took him gladly. You can hear the squelch of wetness between your bodies, and him moaning a high pitch moan right alongside with you.

Feeling close to cumming, you feel him pick you up and turn your head to face him, after devouring your lips and sucking on your tongue. Taking off your blindfold you see his lustful eyes and flushed face, he cooes in your ear,

"Cum for me darling~ I want to see how beautiful you look stuffed with my cock."

Tears decorate the corner of your eyes, one trickles down and Asmo licks it up with no hesitation. Holding onto your chest he hits all your sweet spots effortlessly, and hitting your deepest parts. Slowing building up, you finally throw your head back in a last loud moan and cum. He strokes into you some more despite the over stimulation and cums as well, pulling out to watch it drip out of you.

Despite not wanting to, he takes out the key to the handcuffs and frees you. You massage your sore wrists from thrashing around when he was pounding you. You lay on the bed while Asmo was applying lotion to your red ass, humming to himself. When all of a sudden something hit you.

"Asmo were you going to tell me I'm wrong and spank me regardless of what I say?"

The only answer you got, and the only one you need is a wink.

..............................................................................................................................

Check out my master list for more content!

Check out my Kinktober content!

[makoodles]

no offense to anyone suggesting but just let mak do their thing 😭 I absolutely have loved your writing thus far and would hate to see it lose your special touch from trying to appease others! also I know you were recovering from a surgery not too long ago so please don’t feel rushed to put anything out immediately. It will come to you when it does and we’ll be patiently waiting 🤍

bro this is so sweet aejkjghks especially cause i've been doubting myself so much 😭 idek what's wrongggg with me idk why it's taking me so long to finish this chapter but thank you so much for this lovely message! it actually means the world!

[carphoegras]

I don’t ship most of these myself , but your rant/ramble posts on Les Mis ships are funny so I genuinely wanted your opinion on these 👁

1. Enjoltaire

2. Valvert

3. Enjonine

4. Marisette (or whatever Marius x Cosette was called)

5. Javonine (Javert and…Eponine 😭)

6. Marionine (A name a just guessed for Marius x Eponine because I wasn’t bothered to look it up)

7. and uhhh.. Granjonine (I think that was the name)

well hello darling! i live to entertain lol lets get into it i might have to put this under a cut because i think its obvious i have a rambling issue

Enjoltaire : a classic for good reason. they seemed really base level to me at first because i watched the movie first, but once i read the brick and really saw their dynamic i fell for them HARD. for me the beauty of this pairing is really rooted in the substance of their individual characters as opposed to like a romantic relationship. idk its so difficult for me to verbalize why i love them so much i think i just love the idea of finding common ground despite difficulties. enjolras and grantaire mirror each other in such a beautiful way that i feel the musical/movie couldn't really capture without demoting it to a puppy love grantaire/mean enjolras dynamic idk i have such an issue with some portrayals of them because i feel like they create a victim/abuser situation where there wasn't one but that's like a whole post within itself anyway i feel like im getting incoherent i love exr with every fiber of my fucking being just read the brick if you don't get it ok the movie and musical just dont do it justice and for the love of god avoid the fics written in 2012/2013 after the movie hype its all wRONGGGG (i love you george blagden but you created a twink grantaire movement) (they pull each others pigtails okay its a mutual obsession) (enjolras why don't you just ignore him baby? glutton for punishment my dear we all know if you hated him you wouldn't let him hang around) (anyway) i should make a seperate post about my exr feelings bc i could talk ab them for hours

2. Valvert: okay this is where i feel like i can be unpopular with the fandom. i fucking hate this ship. like physically, spiritually, all that. its one of those that i kinda lose respect for the person bc its literally a cop/prisoner thing. its not enemies to lovers. its not a hate love thing. javert's a fucking cop. valjean is his victim. the whole idea of people romanticizing this makes me feel so insanely icky and i think the point of the story has just gone RIGHT over some folks' heads please take a step back and think about it. neolib behavior sorry not sorry

3. Enjonine: enjolras is gay. just like, straight up in the brick enjolras is a gay man. this ship is spawned from straight girls who saw aaron tveit and use eponine as their not like other girls posterchild. just a whole bunch of hetero nonsense. same behavior as the joseph quinn enj x reader bs. honey thats a homosexual man and can we please stop reducing eponine to needing a boyfriend she needs a stable home and a goddamn therapist fucking hell

4. Marisette: okay. i LOVE THEM. i'm a cosette stan myself, and i'm a huge fan of a gooey love at first sight situation. they contrast my love for exr in the sense that they're a very easy love. their parts in the book literally make me SWOOOOOON i can put aside my beef with marius as a combeferre kin to appreciate how sweet they are

5. Javonine??: im sorry wh aht. did the snape x hermione shippers leak into the lm fandom or am i being fucking punked im not discussing this its obvious why this is wrong please tell me its obvious y'all are NASTY

6. Marionine: eh. eh. i mean, like i said with enjonine eponine's problems are not gonna be solved with a dude. i'm really not opposed to them, persay, its just that eponine's love for marius is so incredibly dependent and rooted more in her personal trauma than actual love, so i feel a little weird with them sometimes. sometimes it just gives anti cosette vibes (cough cough bc of the bullshit love triangle angle that the musical markets cough cough) so i tread very carefully with them

7. Granjonine: again what in the damn hell. i'm not dignifying this shit they could be besties but for the love of god george blagden did a number on the straight girls. STOP PROJECTING ONTO EPONINE IM GONNA LOSE MY FUCKING MIND LEAVE HER ALONE

thanks for the ask lovely, i do love rambling even though these ships are baffling lmaoooo

[lil-elle]

i miss you so much!😭😭

but btw, how are you? hope you’re doing well🫶🏻

remember to eat and drink something every day!

HII IM SO SORRY IVE BEEN GONE BUT OMG I THOUGHT ID HAVE MORE TIME SINCE GRADUATING HIGH SCHOOL BUT I WAS WRONGGGG. Severely wrong. I'm trying to find both time and motivation but unfortunately this blog has become such a 'I'll write if I have the time after doing everything else for the day'. That's why I'm keeping requests closed because I don't want to disappoint anyone else that requests from me when I either don't get to them or take forever to get to them 😭 and I swear I post abt this all the time but I really hope I'll be able to become more active at some point. Thank you for checking up on me hehe 🫶

AND EVERYONE ELSE BETTER REMEMBER TO EAT AND DRINK WATER EVERYDAY TOO !! ILYSM 🫶

[quodekash]

OUR SKYY 2 IS HERE ITS FINALLY HERE THIS IS NOT A DRILL

first lemme make myself an ice tea and then we’ll get into the ridiculous commentary (which will probably be entirely keysmashes but anyway) 

fingers crossed for something benchopper 

also i find it rly interesting that the series i finished with when going through all the our skyy shows is the one that theyre start with 

also also idk anything about the order for our skyy but i do know that there’s no way bad buddy isnt the final one 

ICE TEA HAS NOW BEEN ACQUIRED, NOW WE SHALL COMMENCE THE COMMENTARY (that a lot of you seem to like, why do you like my commentary) 

literally shaking what the hell

STOP IM GONNA CRY, HE HAS HIM AS HIS LOCK SCREEN???? 

WE’RE LITERALLY LIKE TEN SECONDS IN AND IM ALREADY FILLED WITH TEARS 

IM SORRY, IT’S BEEN THREE FREAKING YEARS??? WHY WERE WE NOT AWARE OF THIS INFORMATION 

ok so judging from the intro, it’s nlmg first, and then simm, then THE ECLIPSE MY BOYS AAAAAA, AND THEN VICE VERSA, AND THEN MSP HEGUERIHBGKREJB, im literally vibrating with excitement rn help, and then abaab, AND THEN BAD BUDDY GERJHBGUKREJBKGURBJ, AND THEN 1000STARS 

ITS LITERALLY HAPPENING IN FRONT OF MY EYES RN AND I STILL CANT BELIEVE THIS IS REAL 

HOLY BAJOOLIES 

HE HAPPY

HE;S SO FREAKING EXCITED TO SEE HIM 

NO STOP IM GONNA CRY AGAIN 

palms hair is so freaking pretty what the hell 

i sense a sponsorship

palm is so happy to see him and he’s trying to be sweet but nueng is moody and i guess i get why but also pls just be happy to see him again 

okay they are happy now yayyy 

yup i was right theyre sponsored by suzuki thats kind of hilarious 

damn, two sponsorships within like ten minutes of each other, they really went all out 

CRYING AGAIN, THAT’S PERFECT 

well that guy was confusing. ‘you guys are soulmates and youre fate but also you cant be together but you will be but you wont’ 

HOW DARE YOU INTERRUPT THEM, NUENG WAS ABOUT TO SAY HE’S DECIDED TO STAY IN BANGKOK AND FINISH HIS STUDIES THERE RATHER THAN OVERSEAS 

bRO HAS A SWORD?? I WANT A SWORD 

also like oh shoot they might be about to die 

but also just imagine walking around every day with a sword 

the power 

id never like actually hurt anyone with it and id probably rarely take it out of the sheath 

but seriously. sword. its so cool. 

not cool that theyre probably about to hurt nuengpalm and probably that poor woman 

holding hands and running for their lives, absolutely nothing new here 

heh i paused it at a funny moment 

he’s such a good bodyguard/protector/boyfriend/whatever ghrjgbhr 

ill show you what happens to heroes. they wake up in historical clothing. 

why are the roles suddenly reversed 

and why is palm the only one with knowledge of the present time and the only one without a clue about whats going on in this au  version of events 

DAM OKAY THAT WAS QUICK 

see, at first i was pretty sure he was faking it cos it didnt make sense that only palm was aware of the present, surely it would be both of them, but then he confused me, but its fine cos he remembers him YAY 

IM SORRY, LITERALLY ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS THAT ONE TIME IN BBC MERLIN WHERE MERLIN GAVE ARTHUR AN ORDER 

ALSO PALM IS LITERALLY JUST DOING WHAT NUENG DID AND ITS SO FUNNY 

wait this entire thing is a complete repeat of the series just switched and historical

their first major interaction was being introduced via parent sending child to work for the other child 

their second major interaction was at the pool, and in this version its by the lake 

their third major interaction is the master making the servant eat with them because ‘theres too much food for me to eat by myself’ when really its just bc he wants to spend time with him 

wait please let chopper and ben be in this historical version of life 

phum is there 

surely its plausible to think that benchopper could be there too 

i freaking love these two 

IM SORRY????? WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT 

NOOOOOO I WAS WRONGGGG

NOOOO CONFLICT 

its okay tho theyll iron out the conflict, its fine 

see, they figured out the conflict 

well that was wonderful but it is now 1am so i need to go to sleep 

goodnight folks! im gonna spend the next 24 hours Thinking About Them 

[chemicaljacketslut]

just tried to pick up guitar again after like. years. and im like. oh. oh okay. okay i remember why i quit now. GRRRR IM SO FRUSTRATED!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOESNT SOUND RIGHTTT IT NEVER SOUNDS RIGHT idk if it’s cheap strings or if im not pressing down hard enough or if my amp sucks or if i fucked with the tone too much or what but the chords just DO NOT sound like how they do in songs. like any song im not talking distortion makes it sound different im talking it sounds constantly out of tune AND I KEEP TUNING THESE BITCHES AND ITS IN TUNE IT JUST SOUNDS WRONG and now i remember why i gave up on guitar bc i learned ukulele first and loved it and that sounded how it was supposed to like 90% of the time but then i tried to step up to guitar which sounds how it’s supposed to like 10% of the time and idk what im doing wrong but i remember trying to learn for months and having EVERYTHING i played sound like shit on acoustic AND electric & i couldn’t and can’t figure out what i was and am doing wrongggg :(

[after-nine-at-the-oasis]

I'm very behind because I was doing stuff on commercial breaks btw xD

Anyway quick stuff lol

Oof poor lady :(( But it's good she's so hopeful :)

Also 😬 about Lim getting the M&M review, from earlier, she's obsessing over it

I mean it makes sense but still :((

LOL Lea like "uhhh :)" XD

SLFHDSHFLSK SHAUN XDD about Lea doing the dishes 'wrong' lol

Well yeah just divide and conquer :))

Oof this poor girl :(((

(I don't quite remember the order since I'm behind sooo just go with it)

Oop dang icing him out 😬 o.o

Seriously though this girl is just s u f f e r i n g :(((

Lollll Jordaaannn xDD

Asher like ;)))

And Jordan just like -.- xDD

Bro why you dipping as soon as Jerome shows up and then we just cut xD

I mean presumably going to go see him but still lol

Also hi Jerome :DD

Btw I kinda thought Asher would go like "idk there's my man being sweet and I like seeing that so ┐⁠(⁠ ⁠∵⁠ ⁠)⁠┌" but XD

O H H SLFGJDHLSKDJFLKDS XDDD THEY'RE GOING TO SEE THE LADY FOR RELATIONSHIP THERAPY LOL XDD

Well counseling I guess lol

I am glad that she seems happy to help everyone but isn't like in too much denial still of her illness :)) that's nice <3

Themmm :))

SLGJDKLSFHLS S I R XDD

Alright Asher just say it I guess xDD

UHHH BECAUSE HE'S AT WORK??? XDD

Like I guess lol???

Ayyy there Shaun and Lea go :))

Doin their thinggg

But we know something's gonna go wrongggg xdd

OOP

😬

Oof Shaun xdd

Lol like my guy there's a time and a place xD

Oop Lim o.o

😬 This is tense

I'm glad Glassman isn't giving in to his anger though, he's defending Shaun's decision, at least partly

So that's nice :))

But oof Lim :(((

[storge]

Autumn Ballads anon again! I think what's frustrating me is that I think this show has what Maiden Holmes was missing for me! I wish it was just these two solving crimes together it would be so much fun. But the 2nd male lead is ALWAYS coming around and annoying me. I also wish FL would realize her feelings a little more. But I'm with the majority who hates any kind of love triangles. Seeing your excitement for it though, has me laughing!

I do know that realistically she's trying to score a better life for herself but I just don't like himmmm. And her sister is annoying.

Hello Again friend! First of allllll... Maiden Holmes really did something somethinggg that not many dramas can replicate. But remember she was a detective tho from the start so it made sense and worked. In this, only the ML is a really a detective, our FL is not at all.... sadly. And why you gotta hurt the 2nd lead like thatttttt lololol. What has he done wrongggg. He even killedddd a man for this girl. Yeahhh okayyyy, he has no other skills... sooo like what else can he do except constantly show up and try to remind our FL that he is there. 😂😂😂😂 And he doesn't come around ALLLL the time, just sometimes cut that man some slack lolol. And I'm not shocked at all the FL hasn't realized her feelings. She is one track minded right now and since she knows ML is her benefactor from the past, she has no real reason to think she is developing real romantic feelings..... yet.

Yeahhhh i know everyone hates the dreaded love triangle trope but I like to turn it into a good time. Glad I can ease your annoyingness of the situation. 🤭🤭🤭🤭

and Friendddddd... her sister...... If this was a 50 ep drama I know for a FACT she would turn into the shadiest dumbest villian. But given the length, she is probably gonna do some backstabbing of our girl and act like "POOR MEEE!! It's all your fault cause I don't think I'm good enough." I meannn she already showed the signs when she snitched about the Cousin and the fake baby. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhh I hate when they write women like that but what can we dooooo. NGL thoooo.. I lowkey hope she ends up with the 2nd Lead boii cause they are perfect for each other. 😂😂😂😂

[danganronpa-haven]

Hey Mod Himiko! I know she's on a case-by-case basis, but would you be down to write some HCs about Sonia Loathing(tm) popcorn. According to Island mode, her country tried to BAN it and people rioted.

oh! i did not realize she hated popcorn so much!

let see what i can do!

“Good morning Miss Sonia! What a coincidence to see you here!”

“Good morning Kazuichi! I just wanted to see some horror movies!”

“H-Horror movies!? U-Um ok... Would you like me to buy you some popcorn?”

“I thank you very much, Kazuichi, but I do not know the reasoning of popcorn! It will dirty your hands and you do not tend to eat it at all! I wish to speak to Monokuma to ban this edible object that mocks me!”

Who knew Sonia hated popcorn this much :/

Maybe Sonia hated the buttery feeling or the taste or the texture. 

But like why ban it? 

She gets offended by popcorn every time bc of the incident in Novoselic

Sonia will be mad a bit with you if you like popcorn or mention it.

i recommend not talking about popcorn around Sonia or even show her popcorn

ok im sry if it isnt good bc this was soooo hard to do since i also did this in class and sry for answering late DX pls tell me if i did anything wrongggg

- Mod Himiko <3

[theprisonofself222]

it really be your own damn self

you toxic b****. Tryna be aware of the words I write down and say out loud so that I’m not manifesting the same negative energy I’m critiquing in myself......but god DAMN, I fucked up. Blocked the blessing of eons. She is everything. Like fuck fuckkk I was so cowardly!!! am so cowardly??? So let’s start from the beginning shall we....I meet a beautiful woman on HER and she invites me out with her friends. we immediately hit it off....too well. im in an “open relationship.” lol that was a fucking joke because I barely even wanted to be with him. toxic af unhealthy af....thought it was all him and haha here we are now and i got a whole new pair of googles and these shits are wretched. stepping on my neck. i deserveeee ittttttt wow. not even in some self deprecating kind of way or maybe? im in this state rn......where its like, im feeling i was toxic....i made the person im in love with feel convenient, used, disrespected......all for some fun? flirting? excitement? to be wanted by some dude just for the night? @ me yoooo what??? like dont get me wrong, me, I know you really thought these dudes were wholesome. one of them is your best friend!!! but ur girlfriend, ur partner saw something with her impeccable intuition....and she tried to tell you. what did you do?? you dismissed her. you shut her down. you invalidated her feelings. you resorted to manipulation to protect yourself from your own reckoning. and now here tf it is. and she’s heartbroken. jesus fuckckkk she really is and im in this state of utter disappointment and acceptance? not of losing her, god i haven’t gone there yet. or i’d be sobbing....and that feeling in my stomach all day. that reckoning. this whole that is both expanding and contracting, filled with hot nothingness. a void where all my shame and guilt and sense of victimhood swirl. and i let that shit prevent me from hearing her. i let my fucking discomfort speak for me. my fear. nah. i deadass handed those fools the mic. I’m a fucking fooooool for all of this. how do i know this, feel this, accept this, and still have any morsel of hope that she would want to be with me??? what have i done to show her i deserve her? I want her? I love her like I say I do? what is wrongggg with me? really how could I have been so dense? sleep walking through my own life? lying about my desires to the person I love. this woman........from the moment I met her I was linked to her inextricably. i did not want that shit....i was not ready. when my ex would ask me how i felt about her....i lied too. and i thought he was the toxic one. he knew i didnt really want to be with him. we were both toxic people who found each other. And then I meet her....and I’m trying to do right by my ex by her....I feel so pulled to her, it felt so right and so needed, but then I’m shamed when i go back...I felt like he and i were on the same page, i felt even pressured, but then it was how could you??? how could you still???? yet the truth was i didnt feel for him how we both wanted to feel for each other. for the person we are with. and now i have to ask myself some hard fucking questions. do i want her like i say i do? do i love her like i say i do? am i in love with her like i say i am? How can i prove it to myself? How can i prove it to her? Is it about proof? is it about knowing? I feel like I know but my actions were a fucking MESS. it reminds me of my ex realtionship. it reminds me of childhood. my mom telling me that i put my friends first and that im so selfish and that i lie about things. it hurts that she’s right...and yet it also feels like a gift. I felt like she was so against me. she thought I was so wrong and so evil for loving my friends and wanting to spend time with them. that was my reality. she didnt understand me and she didnt want to and she never would. and now here i am......seeing that im still the same scared little girl. so scared of how people can be upset with me. how people can not like the things that I do. this fear still whispers in my ear that I’m protecting myself by rejecting their expression like their feelings are battery acid. it will eat my flesh if I let you say how you feel!!! Why, little me? why, me? Why is it that you cause the harm to the people you love most? It’s like you know that they are real, that their love is so real and worthy, you can’t possibly accept you can be worthy? that you can do what they do? love like they do? speak like they do? who’s they? cold, unfeeling, evil, insensitive, inconsiderate, selfish. a hard shell. my feeling body left on the couch. this monster left in her absence. this sad, lonely, hurt monster. so resentful and angry of herself...

Veronica. the love of my life. she’s right about me. every harsh word she uttered held so much truth and power. it cut right through me, I still haven’t felt the gashes fully....it’s like I’ve known the whole time I’m doing wrong and yet I couldnt stop myself....i fucking convinced myself SHE was toxic!! oh my goddd ew. fuck. fuckckck. what is that??? trauma? i have to love myself, im all i have, so I need to get the fuck real with myself. who am i? what do I want? why do I feel I deserve veronica? VERONICA. 

She is like a unicorn. the essence of pure love. i have never met anyone as open and welcoming and charismatic as she is. talking to her is like talking to your mom, your best friends, and yourself. and you’ve just met her. she’s absolutely gorgeous. her eyes are warm honey brown spirals of life, her freckles are so yum, her laugh...omg her laugh and the way her nose crinkles up, and the sound that the back of her throat makes, that beautiful giggle. i melt. her hair, a curly and powerful fro. her body....her VOICE...her ears.....her nose....there’s not one thing about her I don’t like. god I’m an idiUHT. her energy is like a breath of air after taking off these stupid ass masks that are protecting us from covid. like water from the fountain after playing tag for an hour in the park. refreshing, giving, invigorating, and empowering. and so. fucking. loving. she scares the shit out of me. how can someone be so loving like that? my problem is I don’t ever feel like I can do that. THAT’S my problem. not that i CAN’T love like that or that I dont already. that i fucking tell myself all the time that I can’t. I told myself I couldn’t like Veronica cuz she liked me too much and I was a scared punk. and yet I wanted her closer. because as much as I wasn’t ready to treat her how she deserved and give her the relationship i knew she wanted, i still wanted her around. and so she’s right. I took took took took took and gave nothing. I hurt her. I had sex with G as soon as i ask to be in an open relationship. after telling her G and M left. and B. all of them. why the FUCK did i do that???? she’s right.....i used her. I love her so much and I know I loved her then too. So why the fuck did I do that? How could I fuck this up for her, for me, for us so badly? i had so many opportunities to step to the plate....why????

im fucking scared that i will never be satisfied. that i will be an unsatisfied little b**** like M. veronica is so fucking right, man, about everything. her intuition is amazing why would i ever think I had a fucking leg to stand on about her intuition and perspective when I WONT EVEN LET MYSELF FEEL?!!?!!? 

even feeling IN LOVE with someone scares me so much i think id lash out like a fucking animal in a zoo. wait jk i dont think i already did. I lashed out every time she tried to talk to me. god she is so wonderful and I’ve been realizing and I’ve felt so unworthy. I’ve been feeling so shitty in our relationship recently and this is why. because i needed to see this shit. i needed this reckoning. and im so fucking sorry to myself that I didn’t see her. hear her. feel her. that I chose emptiness and frivolousness with these people who really dont give a fuck about me, my growth, my well being....for what??? cuz i wanted to be open? so i wouldnt be exclusive? so i could have experiences? with people who have shown me in so many ways that im second fiddle? and i make VERONICA feel that way??? i transfer that energy to veronica not only in my actions and words but in my fucking BODY BECAUSE I LET THESE FUCKING DICKS INTO MY PUSSY INSTEAD OF GOING WITHIN?!!!??? bruh. 

i wanted my cake and i wanted to eat it too. that sayings been really hitting lately and this is why. this shit has been a LONG time coming. I really hope she can forgive me....i also know that’s not where my energy needs to be. hoping and looking outward. i wanted to text her so badly to say i love you and good night....she dont want to see that shit. think about her, dummy!! stop thinking about yourself. having a traumatic childhood, and having experiences where adults in your life who should have made space for you were not able to provide and care for you in the ways you desperately needed...this is not a detriment!! unless you lie. unless you cheat yourself. unless you are so ashamed of who you are, deep down to your core you would rather disconnect and play a farce of yourself than to look. feeling your whole life like you couldn’t express anyone to anything was so fucking hard for you. you didnt even let yourself feel how hard because then youd have to change it. you convinced youself this is who you are. you don’t need to talk. why do people do that? always wanting to share and express? why do people need to know everything? tell them what they want to hear, what they should hear, tell them the right thing. or tell them nothing at all. you didnt know better. you really didnt. but you’re not a kid anymore. and everyone in your life is here to teach you. you will not die without their approval, and you will not live because of it. they are not your parents and they never will be. dont try and make them your parents. don’t try and make them your parents. don’t recreate your trauma. don’t project your fears and shame onto the woman you love. don’t do that, sophie. that’s not right. veronica is once in a universe. i will never meet anyone like her. i will not lose her. I want to figure my shit out more than anything. because i really wanted to be a defeatist and live as a defeatist shooting myself in the foot with veronica before we can even begin. and god i really pray i have another chance with her one day....that I haven’t lost her. because I dont want to take anything from her ever again. i want to give her the world. i sound corny af but I WANT TO GIVE HER THE WORLD. i want to create life with her. I want to spend the rest of my days with her. I want to be the wind beneath her wings dead fucking ass cuz thats what the fuck she’s always been for me. her love is unlike any other and i am a humbled student....a humbled student who fucking FLUNKED. and i could never give up. i just know that. i know we will be together...however it will look that is up to veronica....i held onto control so hard in this relationship and i steered us into a fucking iceberg. dummy!!!!! i dont know really where to end this cuz this is just the beginning so yeah....time to get my shit together and talk to these people about how i fucked up and opened the doors to let them infiltrate and disrespect our relationship. like an idiUHT. i will make it right. 

****

and all this about some fucking SEX. meanwhile i have all this fucking sexual trauma i need to heal. and who has gifted me the most healing experiences of my life? veronica. and the rest of these people that i put on some disgusting little pedestal (jesus wow i cant believe i defended these people over veronica to veronica like really where the fuck was i at??? who tf was talking, sis....) meanwhile they really didn’t give a fuck about me. and me??? why wasn’t i talking to them about how i felt about veronica? about my other relationships. god i fucked up so so so so so bad. that was so fucked up. damn, sophie, seriously shit that was wrong. that was so so wrong. you lied to yourself. that’s what’s breaking my heart, you lied to yourself the whole time, then you lied to veronica, and lied to yourself some more. and YOU asked to be with her. YOU wanted to take that next step. you were filling voids, and veronica was too real for you. you should have never brought her closer when you were so confused and cowardly and falling for some insecure ass people. it’s me: i’m insecure ass people, and i found people to validate and reflect myself. you really thought they were better than you. you hate to admit that or even let yourself type it right now, but you did. you thought that they had something you didn’t. that they could fill something in you. why the fuck?? when veronica was there the whole time??? when she is EVERYTHING and more. emotionally, spiritually, intellectually, energetically, sexually....our sex is fucking incredible. she makes me cum so many times i lose count. i lose control of myself in a way that is so frighteningly beautiful...i burst into tears, i feel like im shattering into glass and she’s cradling my pieces, somehow managing to soften them into smooth pebbles. sex with any of the people in my past, especially M, G, and B is fucking pathetic compared to sex with veronica, and I was too pathetic to see that. truly pathetic in the full sense of the word, i pitied myself and victimized myself spiritually and didnt even allow myself to really feel the weight of my actions. apathetic too. a molotov cocktail waiting to blow up in my face, but first in Veronica’s. regret would be too easy. If i deserved it i would change my actions. but this is a gift. to be able to see what the fuck is right in front of me. what an unappreciative, cowardly doofus i’ve been. i made the love of my life feel like she is unimportant and unloved.....why do i find it so hard to prioritize the people in my life who are fucking amazing? I have to get back to this cuz i need to sleep.....so much to reflect on, so much to let flow through me, so much to prove, so much to lose. 

[sweetpxsin]

SK: When you kiss another guy in a drama without telling them

Requested:Anon

Member: Strays Kids

Plot: Hey :D Could I get a Stray Kids reaction when their gf needs to kiss someone else in a Drama and she didn't tell them about it? Like their finding out by watching it (sorry for any mistakes I'm from Germany hahaha)

Genre: fluff

Note: it’s obvious to tell which members I had the most fun writing for :,,) i swear this was no way biased just personal opinion

[ Master list // Guidelines // Request ]

[ C H A N ]

•Pouty Chan all day 24/7 till you finally noticed that he was being sulky

•and he’d refuse to admit his jealousy

•”Chan what’s wrongggg.”

•”nothing.”

•He was being so pouty with his arms crossed and everything you couldn’t resist the urge to tease the answer out of him

•”Chan~ Channie! What’s wrong”

•chan would sigh dramatically and even slouch down the couch no longer able to be pouty about it especially if you were going to call him by his nickname

•”Chan!!!!”

•*another deep heavy sigh*

•”sigh one more time are me and I will slap you.”

•”with your lips gladly.” *sighs heavily again*

•”e-excuse me?”

•chan being Chan he’d aggressively pull you towards him just so that you sat on his lap before he placed a soft kiss against your lips

•afterwards he sigh in content and just be honest about why he was being moppy

•”I didn’t like that you kissed another guy especially without telling me.” Even though he was trying to be mature about it he’d still have a whiny tone to his voice

•”I’m sorry.”

•”your crime needs to paid with the currency of kisses and currently you owe me 20.”

•”Cha-.”

•”OH MY HEART MY POOR OLD HEART MY LOVE NO LONGER LOVES-“

•you shut him up with a kiss causing a giggle and a huge smile to emerge from his lips

•”only 19 more to go~”

[ W O O J I N ]

•super whiny and touchy

•like the moment you woke up his arms were already wrapped around you before he started rolling the both of you around on the bed saying your name in a whiney singsong voice

•and at first you thought it was because he missed you but boy were you wrong

•his cuddles didn’t last before and truth be told his grip on you was only so he could interrogate you

•”so I’m still the best kisser ever right?”

•”I mean not to toot my own horn but I’m totally the best right?”

•”uhm Woojin what’s up?”

•”oh you know you didn’t like just kiss another guy but like psh that not why am asking.”

•”aww is my big beaw jealous?”

•of course his jealous act would falter as he pursed his lips into a pout suddenly turning soft in your hands

•he was being so cute that you couldn’t help but cup his face in your hands and pepper his face with kisses

•”I love you, you know that right?”

•”I love you too.”

•a smile would be on both of your faces as you both admire the other in comfortable silence

•”and for the record your kisses are the best.”

[ M I N H O ]

•purposely plays the episode where  you kiss the other dude in, right in front of your face

•well not really but his head would constantly be turning from you to the tv to see if you were paying any attention

•and if you weren’t he’d clear his throat over dramatically to get your attention

•”What is this conspiracy?? There’s only two places your lips should be and it’s either your face or on mine.”

•it would have sounded super possessive if it wasn’t for how whiny he had made his pitch

•and for the pout he was sporting afterwards

•”It didn’t even look good! Just another dead drama kiss.”

•”aigoo don’t be jealous Minmin(don’t ask)”

•”I am not.”

•”are too.”

•”am not.”

•and after a while he’d cross his arms more, purse his lips further and sink himself further into the couch

•and he wouldn’t return from his jealous until you shower this boy in kisses and cuddles

•only then would he uncross his arms to pull you closer, in a giggly fit

[ C H A N G B I N  

•okay but have you ever seen petty Changbin?

•The moment he found out you had to kiss some in the drama you were acting was the moment Changbin turned super jealous and petty, partly because you didn’t tell him

•”I’m the better kisser right.”

•”excuse me?”

•”It was a dead kiss always.”

•”What???”

•”the kiss in the drama you acted in for Chris sake!”

•after those words left Changbin’s lips your jaw dropped slightly before a giggle escaped your lips as he began to pout

•”is Binnie binnie Changbinnie jealous?” You teased

•”jealous I don’t know her.”

•it was obvious he was a dejected from the way his arms were crossed and how he cutely pursed his lips, despite his clapbacks

•So to make it up to him you crawled into his lap and pecked his lips lightly, cupping his face in the processes

•”of course my changbinnie is the best kisser”

•at first he’d be a little embarrassed but at the sound of your words his prideful smile would return and he’d pull you into another kiss before hugging you tightly

[ H Y U N J I N ]

•sour asf about it

•like will literally say “so um you want to say something to me?”

•”good morning?”

•”nope try again.”

•”uhm...hi?”

•”nope try thinking of something that would cause such betrayal.perhaps something you did on tv?”

•it took you awhile to understand what he was getting at

•but when you did find out the way he towered over your form with crossed arms and a frown had suddenly turned a lot cuter

•”awww is my bby boy jealous?”

•”no..”

•”you know that kiss meant nothing right?”

•he’d whine a little when you stand on your tippy toes to lightly pinch his cheeks

•”you could have told me.” He’d  say still holding his childish manner up

•”I’m sorry baby.”

•Hyunjin would ponder over it a bit before deciding he can’t be upset with you any longer before giggling and dipping down to your height to kiss you

[ J I S U N G ]

•”How could you?”

•”How could I What?”

•”I trusted you”

•”okay?”

•”and you’re just gonna betray me like that?”

•”que?!!??”

•Jisung would cross his arms and refuse to look at you, his chin up was he turn his head

•”Jisung would you care to enlighten me on such event I have no idea I took part in?”

•without even moving his head he’d reach for his phone and show you the screenshots he had waiting for the moment

•”evidence number one.”

•”Jisun-“

•”IM NOT DONE WOMAN I SUFFERED TAKING THESE SCREENSHOTS MY HEART IS CRYING MY BOOTS ARE SHAKING AND MY PETTY LEVELS ARE BEYOND WHAT MY BODY CAN HANDLE. EVIDENCE NUMBER tWO...okay proceed I only could take two sceemshots.”

•he’d fake a sob and even peek to see your reaction

•”Jisung bby it’s hard to take you seriously when you act like that.”

•”ahem it’s detective Jisung excuse you.”

•“Right..”

•”CAN YOU JUST TAKE THE HINT AND KISS ME MOTHER OF GO-“

•you cut him off with a swift kiss finally calming  his nerves as his adorable smile reappeared

•”thank you,but kiss another guy without telling me and your sleeping in the doggy house.”

•”jisung we don’t have a do-“

•”exactly”

[ F E L I X ]

•You already know how extra Felix is so you could say you were a little amused when he swung open the door with his jaw wide open

•”What is this?!”

•”What is what?”

•Felix shoved the iPad forward as you crawled in his direction

•”I AM OFFENDED. LIKE I KNOW THAT KISS IS SO DEAD AND LIKE MY KISSES ARE THE BEST BUT LIKE RUDE!!!11!!”

•Felix would then processed to fall onto the bed and continue to whine

•”OH HOW CRUEL THIS WORLD IS MY BOO THANG KISSED ANOTHER MAN WITHOUT TELLING ME! oH HoW CrUeL!  OH MY POOR AUSSIE  HEARTU!”

•And to be honest at his point you couldn’t tell if he was jealous or just begging for your attention so you put the ipad down and bent over him and kissed him for a brief moment to shut the poor boy up

•And you could have swore there was a spark of half aw and half mischief that twinkle in his eyes before he continued on with is little shenanigans

•”Is this what’s it like to be kissed in the dramas because I’m living for it.”

•”Your so crazy.”

•”But you love it.”

•”Sadly.”

•”WHUT YOU MEAN SADL-”

•and of course once again you had to kiss the boy in order to keep his little temper off track

•”I love you~”

•”Of course you do.”

[ S E U N G M I N ]

•is torn over being petty or to just be super sweet about the whole thing and tell you how It bothered him you didn’t say anything

•but in the long run decides to be petty about it

•”What a lovely day we’re having here.”

•”Seungmin it’s raining?”

•”ah just like my angst teen heart.”

•”What????”

•”oh the pains of seeing thy significant other kissing another manz. How my heart is torn and pettiness seeps further in bones.”

•”Seungmin…”

•” OH the pain the pain oh how it withers my heart. What a dead kiss a distasteful sight. Maybe I wouldn’t be so mad if it wasn’t so dead.”

•after a little more of his pettiness it would finally sink in but you wanted to see how far he would go with this so you remained “oblivious.”

•”OH MOTHER OF MERCY HOW MUCH I WISH MY SIGNIFICANT OTHER COULD TAKE A DANG HINT.”

•once he saw you burst into a fit of giggles he’d be slightly embarrassed and his bruise pride would make seem even more hurt and offended

•”so you were just gonna pretend you knew nothing. How rude.”

•”Love you!”

•”mhmm say that to the couch.”

•”What?!”

•”showed me in affection and I’ll think about it.”

[ J E O N G I N ]

•Pouty baby #2

•Jeongin wasn’t even willing to speak he’d just sit there with his arms crossed and a pouty lip mumbling about it under his breath

•”Jeonginnie is something up?”

•he didn’t quite care how soft and tempting your comforting voice sounded he was jealous and he was going to have his petty moment

•so he’d “hmph” and then the other way

•and it’s continue on till Jisung or Seungmin couldn’t take it any longer and dropped by to say

•”he’s jealous cause you kissed another boy.”

•the look of betrayal on Jeongins face was enough to confirm jisung/Seungmin words

•”I am not jealous!”

•”mhmm keep telling yourself that.”*que Seungmin/Jisung leaving room*

•”for the record I’m not jealous.”

•”yes you are~ aw come on Jeonginnie I only love you.”

•”BUT YOU DIDN’T TELL ME.”

•he’d pout more but at the same time nuzzle into you

•”I’m sorry next time I will okay?”

•”hopefully their won’t be as next time…”he’d mumble just lightly

•”What?”

•”nothing just shower me in affection please~”

[rumpikerzzzworld]

[LATE TV SERIES RESPONSE]

Okay i know i'm late about a month since the international release which was on 28 December 2018. Yes, I am talking about a netflix series: YOU. Goshhhh. Overall, I really like the series.

It was adopted from a 2014 novel by Caroline Kepnes with the same title, YOU. Watching this series felt like you are watching a novel. The characters were brought into real life (read: movie). And first of all, i like Penn Badgley's voice so much when he's doing the narration in the scenes. Like his voice makes me can't hate him. Duhh.

The guy Penn Badgley potrayed was Joe Goldberg. The writer was totally ruining most women fantasy about ideal guy. Joe Goldberg was a freaking dream guy. The man who is always there when his lady needs him, the man who tries so hard to make his girl happy, the man who takes care of his woman well, the man who protects his one and only princess, etc etc the list goes on. BUTTTTTTTT, yeahhh that kind of man only exist in korean drama i guess. Thats why most women are crazy over korean drama storyline because the writer create that kinda perfect man i mentioned above. The guy that Kepnes created was different. She broke women fantasy about it, despite the perfection of the character [Joe], apparently, he has so many flaws. Kepnes was kinda saying to the readers/viewers "okay girls, despite the guy you think is perfect, there is probably something he hides".

About a few weeks ago, stranger things main cast, Millie Bobby Brown was getting backlash because she defended the character of Joe by saying "[Joe] is not creepy, he's in love with her and it's OK". Poor her she is just 14, still so many things to see and learn. She just watched for two episodes back then and still had no idea what things that she would see on the upcoming episodes.

Me and my friends are kinda understand why millie said it. At first, the way the author and director created the character of Joe, he was not like the typical a sicko that we usually saw on a movie which was have a flat expression, heartless, and very cruel. Joe was different, he has emotion, he has a soft and sweet spot, he cares, he's super smart, he's a good talker, he's a very lonely person who wants to be loved. I can say i have this love-hate relationship with his character. But the way how he sees love is misguided. The character he had was built because the hard life he had been through. Poor Joe :( He has a very pitiful life, meeting the wrong people, and has an unhealthy obsession. Btw Millie finally understood after finishing the series that Joe is totally a stalker. And yes, Joe is creepy, what he did is not okay, IT'S WRONGGGG!

On the other hand, I don't like the lead female’s character (read: Guinevere Beck). Huh Joe, you totally fell for the wrong person! Beck is a bij!! Out of topic, the lady who potrayed Peach Salinger is hot af!!

While watching the series, there was this feelings that i feel like want to shut all of my social media down. It's kind of creeping me out knowing if there are people who stalk me in an unhealthy way. I don't share all of my activities on social media, but still i have my photos on instagram, my rant on twitter, and even writing some experience on my blog, like-what-iam-doing-now, lol. But nowadays most people stalk through social media, so do i!! Eventhough, I mostly stalk the celebrities or public figure i like. I just want to know about their activities because they are kind of my escapism from reality. It’s kinda heal me to know about them. But not all of people have the same thinking, so many dangerous people out there. Social media can be a fun place to surf in and also can be a dangerous place to be on. The lesson we get is we have to be more careful on social media especially when putting our private information. So many cyber crime nowadays using people's private information. Or perhaps if people can't deal with the risk of being active on social media, they can delete their life forever from social media. I myself will think about it though!

Anyway see you on Season 2 Joe Goldberg!.... and Candace?

-mels-

cr pic: @netflixuk