#Watch me not even make it to the concert because I fling myself into a river before the month is past

[timandlucy]

I just want one week. Just a week without falling apart... Is that really so much to ask?

[sio-writes]

Witch's Gambit - Chapter 1

Hello everyone! I'd like to introduce you to my NaNoWriMo project, Witch's Gambit! It tells the story of Lucy Breban, a witch living in the magical city of Grayslate. After her good friend Elliot is murdered in cold blood, Lucy must employ the help of her reclusive, skeletal neighbor Weston when the answers the police provide aren't enough. As they get closer to the truth (as well as each other), the two begin to unravel an underground secret that could rock the very foundations of the place they call home.

I'm super excited to bring this to you guys! I actually have a buffer of about 10 chapters as opposed to...well none, lol, so hopefully that gives me enough time to make some proper edits and polish it even more for you all.

Tags for this chapter are: Heavy violence, and minor character death.

Elliot Forsythe died sometime between seven-thirty and midnight last night, decapitated and drained of his vampiric blood. He's tall and lanky, he had cropped black hair, and skin pale as marble. He was the first friend I made upon moving to Grayslate, my neighbor for close to five years. The winter cloak I'd been meaning to return to him still sits in my hallway closet. 

Reading his memories feels like a violation, but I try to tell myself that he'd want me to do this, he'd want me to confirm it. I'd been asked, begged really, by Alma to be here. My messaging stone had gone warm with all her calls, and when I'd finally answered she'd been frantic and out of sorts. The news hadn't had time to truly set in before I was being questioned by two white men in their late forties, then sat in front of my friend's body, tracing sigils on the floor around him in chalk.

I'm thrust into memories that aren't mine, taking his place as if I were there. His childhood in the countryside with two doting if slightly overprotective parents. The fling with a naga I recognize as owning the bakery down the street makes my heart flutter as his did. Adopting his golden retriever that he named Paul brings such a rush of joy I temporarily forget I'm reading the memories of a dead man. I can smell the apple crumble his mother would bake every year for his birthday, even bringing it out on a visit when he moved to the city. The breeze in my hair is refreshing as he rides his bike to the store. 

I've been on that bike, held my legs stiff on the back wheel as he pedaled, cutting a corner too quick and nearly throwing us into traffic. We went to dingy concerts together, celebrated holidays, drank tea on Sundays when all the attractive folk were exiting the yoga studio. 

And now I'm kneeling on the floor, touching his corpse, watching memories that aren't mine. 

Soul imprints start at the beginning, so I have to sift through half-remembered interactions with faces that shift like they're underwater. I see what he sees, and his emotions are my own. I'm seeing the world through his eyes, his recollection, his senses. Everything is laid bare like cards on a table. There's sections that're gone, repressed or more likely just forgotten because they were unimportant. But I don't mind pushing past years of his life. I want to be here as little as possible. To tell the detectives what they need to know and go back home to cry at the third crystal clear memory of him hugging Paul the dog.

"How long is this going to take?" I hear one of the detectives ask. His voice is the deep baritone of the taller gentleman I spoke with upon walking in, the one I'd never seen before today. 

"Give her a second," the other one says, Martinez. He's marginally more patient because he's been running homicide longer, but not by much. Every time I'm asked to come and consult in the morgue he offers me a coffee afterwards, giving me a look that says he wants to be there about as much as I do.

"Body's getting cold," the other one, not-Martinez, says under his breath. "She's gonna waste all the evidence."

"You know she can hear you, right?"

It's barely been five minutes and for the third time I have to resist rolling my eyes or break the imprint and start over.

I hit a patch in the imprint, something Elliot wouldn't want me to see. He didn't consciously block it out, but for being his last memories everything is faded like he wanted to forget.

I'm sprinting up the stairs leading to the office. That barricade at the door won't hold them long, and I need to get--

BAM!

The door flies open behind me but I'm too afraid to turn around. I need to get to the study, it's only a few steps more.

"Oh Elliot," a female voice mocks behind me. "Where ya goin, Ellie?"

Quickly, I need to act quickly. Barricading the door could work, so I start at that, slamming the door to the study shut, my eyes landing on the biggest, nearest object and dragging it over.

"He uh, he was in this room," I say, trying to breathe only through my mouth so I don't inhale Elliot's stench. The burning basil and essential oils only do so much. 

"Yes, we know that," the new detective says, and I can practically hear him rolling his eyes.

"He's breathing pretty heavy." I frown, concentrating. Everything becomes blurry, he's blinking a lot, and the whole world shakes. 

"I think he's crying," I say as the vision whips wildly back and forth--Elliot is looking for something. My heart flutters in my chest. "He's-- he's really scared." 

Elliot's emotions and thoughts slam into me like a train. If he had been more careful, kept his head down, they wouldn't have found him. He wouldn't be running from one of Donahue's pawns in his own damn home. He couldn't escape, there was no point in trying to run. Maybe if he let out Paul it could distract them enough that--no, what the fuck was wrong with him? Paul did nothing wrong, it was him. All of this was his fault. 

I nearly fall backwards as something grabs me by the collar and hauls me backwards. Elliot screams, desperately grasping for the hands on his back, before the vision rolls, blurring as he skids across the floor. 

"No, please," he breathes out, bringing his arms up as the assailant brings a fist up and knocks it across his face. I can make out the barest of features. This is what the detectives want.

"A half-orc woman. Green skin, dark brown hair."

She punches him again, the sickening crunch of his nose rattling my skull.

"Shouldn't'a left us, Ellie!" Another jab to the face. The image is still blurred, by tears and blood, but he manages to spit a tooth in her face. Good on you, Elliot.

I can only watch as Elliot tries to crawl away and is dragged back by the ankle and tossed into his desk like a dishrag. The vision goes black on impact, immediately followed by the crack of splintering wood. I wince in sympathy. That toss definitely broke some ribs. 

Elliot opens his eyes, blurry and blinking against the pain. It's like a slideshow of images, in each photo that half-orc woman moves closer. She kneels in front of Elliot, a hand reaching out to yank him by the hair and drag him across the floor. I hear her voice,  muffled like he has earmuffs on, and I hear her cackle. Elliot begs for his life, barely intelligible strings of words born of fear and desperation.

"No please, I'll double," "Make your dreams true," "Please, please, please don't hurt my dog."

Does he remember any magic from school? A basic defense spell, a ward against evil, anything? He raises his hand to cast a defensive spell, and his hand is slammed down against the ground for his effort. 

"You thought you could hide?" The boot on his hand grinds it into the ground. "You thought you could escape?"

I feel Elliot's panic rising, acid in the back of my throat. I want to scream, but the boot on my throat cuts off my air. 

"No--" He chokes out, begging over and over. 

They quickly draw a sigil with their index finger, a sigil I've never seen before. My stomach drops and I feel like I'm falling, the sheer depth of what's about to happen hitting me all at once. I'm going to die. She's going to kill me. I open my mouth to scream, but the woman sends the glyph with the flick of a finger and everything goes black. 

I come back to the world with a harsh inhale, grasping at my throat for the--no, that isn't me.

My head is spinning with memories I never experienced, sensations I've never felt. Coming out of soul imprints are always rough, but I've never had whiplash like this. It's hard to separate the vision from reality as the brain tries to consolidate the two. 

I squeeze my eyes shut against the headache forming under my temples, and blurt out the first thing that comes to mind. 

"Where's Paul?" 

The detectives look at each other, then to me. Martinez speaks up, "The dog has been taken to the pound."

The pound?! He'll never survive in--

No, wait. That's Elliot, still in my head. 

Okay, deep breath. In, then out. One more. Okay. The moment of silence stretches as I center myself again. I can feel both detectives staring at me, judging me. 

When I open my eyes, I'm blinded by the light streaming in through the far window. The early morning sun cuts the room into even thirds, and floods me in a sea of gold.  As my eyes adjust gradually to the light, I can make out the desk, nearly split in half. 

I relay Elliot's final moments to them, the more I talk the grimmer their faces become. Martinez takes notes as I speak, his heavy brow folding further and further inward as I go. 

Of the few cases I've consulted on, none have been a murder case. Memories are fickle things, easily manipulated or just flat out erased. It's why this ritual isn't taken seriously anymore, why it's not admissible in court. The brain is suggestible, temperamental. This assailant could wind up having the face of a dead relative, or transform into Paul the dog, it depends on the victim. But the face I see is the same one I saw in the back of the police car on the way here. The last moments of a soul can vary in presentation, depending on the manner of death, the memory of the passed, and a whole bunch of other things I don't have control over. 

As Martinez flips his notebook shut, the two of them share a look and then walk out of the room to talk, leaving me alone.

I stand, averting my gaze from the corpse of my friend, trying to look anywhere else. Elliot knew her, knew this woman, but he never mentioned any half-orc. Was she a vengeful ex, or maybe an old friend? The imprint didn't tell me much, but Elliot wasn't confused by her presence, he knew her from somewhere--but where?

A glint of light catches my eye, right under the desk. Like a bit of exposed metal or a screw. The curious part of my soul wants to pick it up, to have something of Elliot's that I can cherish. The coat is going in the donation pile-- knowing I never returned it will be a boon on my soul.

It's almost completely jammed inside the wood, my nails just long enough to pry it out without breaking any. Upon inspection, the piece isn't a piece at all--it's a button, about the size of a dollar coin. On the face is a sigil, but one that looks corrupted. It's similar to the symbols on Elliot's body, chaotic, with no flow to it. I've never seen it before. There's a splash of blood on one face, dark red and dried. Could it be important? It's small enough to miss on an initial sweep of the premise, and logic dictates that I should give it to the police. 

I go to the door, hoping to provide some useful information, when the voices of the two men make me stop.

"Did we really need her here? We have our murderer."

"I don't like it either, but the boss asked for her specifically. When that magic shit actually works it helps a lot, apparently."

"Well it didn't help today. She looked around and told us what we already knew."

"At least we don't have to pay her," the new one says, and Martinez scoffs a laugh. 

I scoff under my breath. They think I'm useless? Well, I'm going to find out what this button means--without their help. It slips easily to the bottom of my pocket when the two walk back in and I'm pretending to examine the cracked desk.

"Please don't touch anything," not-Martinez drones. "This is an active crime scene."

I put on my cheeriest face, the one I use when grouchy customers try to call me a hack when my luck charm didn't win them the lottery. "Of course not, detectives. Did you need anything else?"

Martinez offers me a sympathetic expression. "Do you have anything else to tell us?"

For a split moment, I fear my thievery has been discovered. My hand falls to my dress pocket where the button is stored, but neither of the detectives are looking at me accusingly. They're just bored. They're not after me, they want me gone.

"I wish I had more to tell," I confess, gesturing down to Elliot, but still resolutely not looking at him. "He knew the murderer--"

"Alleged," the new one  mutters.

"And I don't recognize any of these sigils." I sweep my arm over the circle on his body and the floor. Bright orange, arranged in a circle, the center right where Elliot's head should be.

"Well, thanks for the help," he mutters sarcastically.

"This is a pretty open and shut case," Martinez says, looking down at Elliot. "We have the perp in custody. Think you could magic up a better confession?"

The two of them share a chuckle, and I try not to seem too indignant as I force a smile. I know Martinez isn't being cruel on purpose, he's just a callous guy. I'm glad I don't work with him.

I step out of the room and I feel like I can breathe. There's another room to the right of me, filled with officers. That's Elliot's bedroom. I can walk in there as easy as breathing, I know there's a sliding glass door that leads to a balcony that overlooks the yoga studio across the street. The wheel on the door squeaks when it opens. 

Elliot's shop is next to mine, but his home is a few blocks away, about a ten minute walk in the opposite direction. I wonder if the shop is closed, or if his brother Brenan is running it today.

"Lucy!" Alma's voice rings out from the bottom of the stairs. She pushes through her subordinates, flitting over to me on her translucent pink wings. At first she seems excited to see me, but her face falls as she gets closer. "You look like hell."

I rub my arm. I just want to go. "Been a long day."

She reads something in my face, her brows pinching in concern. "Did you know him?"

I can't lie my way out of a paper bag, so I nod.

Alma grimaces. "Shit, I'm sorry. I wouldn't have asked if--"

"It's fine," I say in a rush. "Honestly if I had heard it from somewhere else I would've broken."

She rubs her hands up and down my arms. "If you're sure…"

I swallow past the lump in my throat. "Yeah, yeah."

"Were Martinez and Becker nice?"

I shrug and offer her a smile. "They were just doing their jobs."

She looks past me, and glares. She's a full head shorter than me, nearly my opposite in appearance. Short blonde hair, pale white skin, petite frame and an angular face. We've been friends since grade school, and she always has my back. "I'll talk to them later."

I cringe. "You really don't have to." I'd hate for her to yell at them over me, they were just doing their jobs.

She turns those hard brown eyes to me. "I asked you here for a reason. If they don't respect that, they need an attitude adjustment."

I pull her into my chest in a hug. "Thanks, Alma."

Her tiny hands pat my back reassuringly. "Go home and get some rest. You need a ride?"

"I'll walk." I pull back and Alma eyes me skeptically. "I need the fresh air, promise."

She squeezes my arm. "Call if you need anything, and I'll stop by on Friday."

After another hug, I start down the stairs and out the front door. I don't get very far before I'm stopped by Carlos, another relatively new officer who doesn't look up from his laptop to hand me a business card.

"If you think of anything, give us a call," he drones, and I slip the card, which presumably has his number on it, in my pocket. It's going straight in the garbage.

After another lengthy questioning session, some papers to sign stating my silence on the subject, and more condescending glances I really don't need, I'm finally allowed to step out of Elliot's home and into the street.

A crowd has gathered, just past the barricade setup by the department. Police lights and their bright yellow border spells are like magnets to the general populace. There's a group of reporters with their cameras and flash bulbs, surrounding several officers already trying to get as much information as possible out of them. 

I slink by unnoticed, and for that I'm glad. I push through the sparse crowd on the sidewalk and into the freedom of the street. It's a clear day, blue skies, the wind in my hair would be nice on the bike--

No, I don't have a bike.

The street is full of cars, the sidewalk full of pedestrians. Human, fae, fiend, and everything in between crowd around me, commuting to work, or going home, or even just out for a stroll. All of them blithely unaware that just around the corner, on the second floor of the suite, lies a dead man. And the world just keeps turning. It doesn't feel fair.

Categorizing what I need to do in my head is a decent enough distraction. Mrs. Kinoko ordered a long-lasting protective charm for her daughter that's moving at the end of the month, and I can work on that in my lunch. The Dredsy twins need their weekly cleansing water which I have waiting for them in the back room. A gentleman named Leon asked for a bundle of lavender charms for his home to ward of thieves.

I round the corner and nearly stop walking. There's a line outside my shop that reaches the next shop over. I walk past the black marble and darkened windows of Mr. Engstrom's clock repair, also taking the chance to catch a glimpse inside. Nothing, as usual. 

I walk to the front door and dissolve the seal keeping the door locked. “Good afternoon everyone, thank you for waiting!”

“You in trouble, hun?” Ms. Garrett asks with a smile. “The cops finally caught ya?”

“You know it,” I reply with a wink, and a few people chuckle.

There's a lot to do, a lot of orders to fill, and I'm jittery. This morning threw me off, toppled my plans. I have charms to make and talismans to saturate. The wards around the shop to notify me of theft are starting to dim so I need to reset those, and the sprigs of lavender growing in my windowsill are starting to sag, so I probably need to water them with extra love. There's just so much to do my head is spinning as everyone outside rushes into my shop.

"Do you have any more of this cream?"

"How about my Polly--you know her, right?--any charms to make her schooling go well?"

"Did you see all the police down the street?"

"Oh yes, I've seen them! Nasty business, that."

Conversation and the buzz of a busy afternoon flows over me like water, I'm so overstimulated that nothing has any meaning anymore. The talk of Elliot feels like a thorn in my side, something I need to square away for later. That's an issue for after the shop has closed, after everyone has gone home and I go upstairs to mourn in silence.

"Here Mrs. Briggs, give three doses to your husband and his arthritis should start to feel better."

"No--! Please don't touch that! It's decoration only!"

"Yes, I'm so sorry about that, let me offer you a refund."

I don't get a chance to think about much of anything. It's all turned into noise, a pleasant fuzz that surrounds my head like a raincloud. By the time the day is over, I'm collapsing into a hot bath and nearly falling asleep in it.

Only when I fold my dress over a chair does that button fall out of my pocket. I pick it up off the floor, examining it in the low light of the room. Taking it to the sink, I scrub the dried blood off, watching it swirl down the sink in a red-brown haze.

The button glows, a soft silver light projecting onto my hand. The corrupted glyph on both faces is apparent, and when I angle it away from my face, I see the glyph almost takes on the image of a face. It's got an angry expression, with horns jutting out from the head and cheeks.

The button catches the light again, reflecting the yellow glow of the room, and reflects onto my hand. Suddenly, the button glows red-hot, the sigil burning into my palm like a brand. I drop the button with a yelp, the smell of burnt skin invading my nose. Rushing to turn on the sink I run my hand under cold water to assuage the pain, and it helps a little, but when I pat my hand dry, in the center of my palm sits that corrupted sigil.

From my bathroom, I grab a salve, rubbing it over the burn mark and leaving the button on the counter. Sigils don't…do that. At least, no sigil I've come across has ever burnt me. Eyeing it from the bathroom like the button will grow legs and charge at me, I step into my room and shut the door. Today has been chaos, absolute chaos, and I don't have time for demonic buttons. I can worry about it tomorrow.

Hand throbbing, I fall into a fitful sleep, hoping tomorrow brings less heartbreak.

Chapter 2 >>

[kithtaehyung]

RYENNNN WHAT WAS THAAAAAAT AAAAA just read you’re next the second time and why am i as shocked, or even more shocked than i was when i was reading it the first time????? (long post ahead i apologize for sending very long ones i had to scream bc of oc and yoongi and you ryen!!)

firstly, bestie tae? sorry oc he is Our bestie now! but literally, he's such a good friend to oc thought ☹️ he's like "you wanna meet your boyf-i mean fling? okay yeah fine sure i'll cover up for you if i have to ugh 🙄”

also when oc found out there was a bathroom in the haunted house... i was like THIS IS THE PLACE ISN’T IT! OC's A (GOOD) FREAK!!! IT'S HAPPENING!!!! 🚨🚨🚨

AND YOU KNOW the scene where yoongi was asking oc for a bite of her food, IT REMINDED ME OF THIS TWEET AAAAA I WANT TO SCREAM like i actually came across this tweet on tiktok like 2 days ago and i was like 3TAN OC AND YOONGS IS THAT U???? idk whether someone else has shared this tweet with you.. but i got so soft thinking about oc and yoongi when i saw this tweet 🥹

also the part where oc said like she never saw yoongi being this happy… like girl it’s cus of you????? don’t you see it??? he is elated because of YOU! oh heck these two are DOWN BAD for each other and yoongi asking a photo of oc’s ass…. he is unstoppable now wow he is BOLD bold gd

the tension between yoongi and oc is felt. like i’m just a 3rd person, why am i nervous? why did gasp? why did i take a pause from reading just to kick my blanket? am i the problem?

the scene in the bathroom. oh my gosh????? that was… wow. and that’s in the bathroom? what if.. what if they.. bedroom? oh i’m dizzy. i’m sorry i can’t comment more on this scene i’m still recovering from this i hope you understand

gosh ryen… you just never disappoint huh? you spoil us one after another and you just keep on giving!! gosh how are able to come up with such bangers every. single. time. you amaze me ryen, truly!!!! i hope you’re taking good care of yourself and allowing yourself to rest!! thank you so much for your time and hard work. many many forehead kisses to you! <3 (oh… this was a really long post, i’m sorry) - 🪐✨

also, are you catching bts’ concert later? i’m so freaking excited! ><

SATURN HELLO🥳 yes I’m resting a bit more! Can’t completely rest until 3tan9 is done and posted but I’m letting myself have more leeway. Also, gonna sleep right after this so I can catch the concert later. Idk if I’ll just watch it in my own little bubble or be on here, as well, but we shall see.

But thank you so much for this amazing review!! Wow there’s a lot to take in and I am so happy😭 Tae being the incredible person that he is? You are correct he is our best friend now LOL. And the bathroom hell yeah😛 you guessed it!

STOPPP THIS IS GONNA MAKE ME SOB😭 it’s been sent but of course I will still cry every time :’))

There is something there!! Like reader my love you don’t even know the half of it but you should think at least something! Although I would also not think it’s me if I was in that same position lol so I get it. And I am there blanket kicking with you💀 the bathroom scene required me to pause every now and then LMAO like yoongi my g o d you need to cool it!!

Thank you so much again, love. I’m so shy rn your words mean the whole world.. I just wanted to give y’all what you asked for/fought for😂 Hopefully it’s as enjoyable all the other times! Look forward to more drabbles, too🍂

[la-lauren]

TW: eating, ED, weight, etc.

Girlie I went to see last night (and had a nice little mentie b to accompany the show) has been messaging me ever since. Legitimate conversation.

I think she may be an actual friend now.

Even though I was ready to abort the mission and fling myself into Lake Michigan and never show my face in public again.

We watched the livestream of Taylor’s concert tonight and sent commentary back and forth, and I disclosed my queerlor leaning thoughts, about which she 100% agreed with me.

She also apologized for hugging me, saying she was just so excited and realized later that she should have asked. I was like nooooo it was the highlight of my night. I generally do appreciate people asking if they can touch me, but I usually don’t care if it’s women going in for unexpected hugs. Men might get pushed away though.

So my mentie b had/has a happy ending, in that regard.

However!!!!! I am still disgusted by my body, and I think I’m about to fall down another rabbit hole. Idk which one, but I’m deep in the googling — how to suppress an appetite, how to fast when your body feels sick after even four hours of fasting, volume meals, etc etc. Anything to help me lose some damn weight. When I got home last night, all I wanted to do was binge *and* purge. I vaguely remember being triggered to the point of having that thought within the past year, but otherwise, I’d forgotten that ever used to be part of my life. A huge part of my life. Until I got sick. I swear I thought that not purging anymore would fix all the alarming symptoms I was having. It didn’t. But purging does make them much worse now. It’s the only way I was able to stop. But the eating didn’t stop.

Anyway, I haven’t been able to drop the idea of it being an option. But I have ~rituals~ around it, one being that my bathroom has to be super clean and scrubbed (at home; not as picky in public bc it’s usually an emergency if I need to do it in public). So the other part of my brain says I can’t clean my bathroom while my brain is still viewing that as an option. Honestly, the only reason I don’t want to is because my heart still feels unstable, and I think purging could throw it into an arrhythmia. If I thought I could do it without consequences other than weight loss, I’d be doing it again in a heartbeat.

I need something to fix my body. I don’t want to feel shamed just walking into a room.

[erodasfishtacos]

could u please do like a harry x youtuber/influencer!reader and like lots of fluff🥺

Hi bubbie! Here you go :)))

Word Count: 4k

Warnings: Language

Harry was panicking. His mum and sister were going to be here in less than two hours and he’s burnt the eggplant parmigiana he had worked tediously on. 

He grabbed what he had left in his fridge - ground beef, shredded cheddar cheese, and a little bit of bacon. 

It was the type of foods he usually strayed away from so sometimes when his shopper would bring this stuff home - he’d avoid it and admittedly sometimes it would go bad sitting in the fridge.

The singer pulls up YouTube onto his phone - hoping something would come up when he typed in the ingredients on the search bar.

He clicks on the first video by cookingwithnofucks. A chuckle at the name as an advertisement plays.

A cute, bubbly girl appears on screen in a beautiful modern kitchen. She has a shirt on that says ‘fuck the patriarchy and eat pizza’. A high ponytail and minimal makeup.

“Okay - today we’re making a cheeseburger casserole,” the girl chirps, “It’s a heart attack in a dish but it’s so fucking good.”

Harry finds himself smiling as he crinkles his nose - it sounds absolutely disgusting but he’s intrigued more by the girl on the screen.

“Shit, I forgot to introduce myself. Hiii, if you’re new - I’m Y/N and I do cooking shit. Subscribe to my channel and all that jazz,” she titters while cutting open her beef package.

Harry follows along step-by-step, shaking his head as she doesn’t describe the instructions nearly well enough and is generally all over the place.

It’s a fucking cooking channel and at one point the meat starts burning. She just laughs and says, “s’just a little crispy!” 

The casserole turns out looking even better than Y/N’s to be honest. It’s done in just the right amount of time for him to shower before his family arrives.

He makes sure to subscribe to her channel - eyebrows raising when he sees that she has 16 million subscribers.

Harry wanted to spend longer, looking at her social media but there was a fixed time so he locked his phone and went to get ready.

**

Anne - always the sweetheart just tells Harry that the casserole is delicious even as a bit of grease runs down her fork from the fatty meats.

Gemma wasn’t as kind, grimacing at the casserole and remarking, “You truly are turning into an American, huh?”

**

Laying in bed that night, Harry swipes back onto YouTube. Going back to the page he just subscribed to - under a pseudonym. He clicks on another video.

“Uh, okay. So I’m cooking...fuck, it’s called unicorn bark. It looks like a magical animal puke but it looks delicious so we’re going to try it.”

Harry realizes he’s been watching this girl cook for nearly an hour. Different videos from desserts to dinners.

She curses like a sailor, fucks up almost every recipe, and makes a mess everywhere. But she’s smiling and talkative which makes him quite memorized by her.

**

“I hate editing,” Y/N groans, letting her head fall dramatically against the desktop. Her best friend and dog looked at her oddly.

“I keep saying you need to hire someone, you stubborn bitch,” Laney retorts, clicking through her Instagram feed.

“Fuck off,” she tells her friend with no real heat. The video was almost fully edited - how to make spicy as fuck jalapeño poppers.

There is a calm silence for a while until Laney gasps, “Holy shit.”

“What is it?” Y/N asks, not really caring as she clicks her mouse to trim a segment.

“Harry fucking Styles just followed you on Instagram and Twitter!” Laney shouts, her dog - Rufus popping his head up in confusion.

Y/N looks at her friend to see if she’s really serious and sees no signs of deception. “Oh my god,” Y/N replies. She loved Harry Styles in One Direction and as a solo artist - a fangirl if you will.

Y/N was a well-known influencer and has run in the circles of many celebrities. She’s even met Liam Payne but she’s never been able to bump into Harry.

Her alerts tell her it to be true, she swallows as she looks back up at Laney, “He dm’ed me.”

“Open it! What did he say?” She squeals, squeezing herself on the chair next to her, peering over her shoulder at the phone.

Y/N is a bit nervous, trying not to have a mini aneurysm as she opens the message thread.

HarryStyles: Hello. Just wanted to let you know that your cheeseburger casserole recipe saved my ass last night. Cheers x

“He’s totally coming onto you,” Her friend states instantly, bouncing excitedly - she also had a bit of a crush on the singer.

It takes the two of them a minute to cool their shit before Y/N manages a reply.

Y/N/LN: Well I guess it’s only fair. Your songs have made a few of my nights much better. I’m a bit of a slut for Fine Line.

Harry laughs behind his screen at the cheeky reply he gets back. He’s usually never this forward - especially on social media where he likes to fly under the radar.

HarryStyles: Well if you fancy my music that much, I totally love for you to come to a show. I’m performing in New York City in two weeks.

“This has to be a joke, right?” Y/N sputters to her friend, eyes wide at the invite to a concert she already had tickets to.

Y/N/LN: I’m not going to lie, I already have tickets to the show. However, I don’t have any backstage passes to meet the man of the hour. Do you know someone who can hook me up?

It does wonders for Harry’s narcissism to know that she already had tickets for his concert. Was he really going to do this? He hasn’t met up with some like this since his One Direction days.

He had to remind himself - she may just be friendly and take this as a totally casual interaction. Which would be normal, Harry really shouldn’t be so infatuated with someone he’s watched cook on social media.

HarryStyles: I think I can arrange that. Shoot me your number? I’ll have them sent digitally to you with instructions on how to get backstage.

Y/N is a bit dumbfounded at how fast they agreed to meet up. A harmless backstage tour - he could just be a fan of hers and totally not interested, right?

**

Over the next few weeks, they never really stop texting. Harry sends her pictures of the recipes he copies off her channel - that usually always look better than the original. He sends her clips of him goofing around during tour rehearsal. FaceTimes her when he’s finally home for the night.  

She sends him videos of her watching Harry Styles Best Moment Part Five. A few photos she snaps throughout the city of him on billboards and buildings, in Times Square. YN facetimes him when she’s frustrated with filming or watched a sad movie.

It didn’t make sense to either of them how seamlessly they’d clicked - especially without meeting. They were a perfect balance for each other. Harry - laidback, organized, level-headed. Y/N - eccentric, all over the place, adventurous. 

Jeff had told him that he’s been gaining media attention from his social media interactions with Y/N. They like each other’s photos, begin following each other’s friends, and comment goofy things on their posts.

“Listen, I have a great idea,” Y/N begins - which Harry learned is never good. “You should film a video with me sometime.”

Y/N knew she was going out on a limb and instantly regretted the questions she’d been building the courage to ask for days when it’s quiet on his end. There’s static for a moment and Y/N needs to fill the silence.

“It was - I was just, uh, I know you’re probably too busy. I was -“ She stutters, embarrassment flooding her.

Harry cuts her off, “I’d love to.”

“Yo-you would?” She asks timidly. Was she really going to have Harry Styles in her apartment? If so, should she take down her poster?

He laughs sweetly, “Why do you sound so surprised? I can’t wait to come to New York, love.”

Y/N giggles, “Not the fact that you’re performing in front of a sold out crowd at MSG? I don’t think seeing me will top that.”

“I’ve been looking forward to meetin’ you in person since I came across your channel. You so lovely,” Harry replies, his voice a little softer but more serious.

“I’m nervous,” Y/N admits, picking at a thread in her jeans.

“Me too,” Harry murmurs, despite not wanting to admit it - he wanted her to know this was new territory for both of them. He didn’t want her to think that this was something that he did often. But a little too prideful to admit it’s the first time he’s ever done something quite like this.

���What if you don’t like me?” Y/N whispers, she...well she didn’t compare to the models he’s been seen with before. She’s regretfully fell into the rabbit hole of looking up his past flings and relationships.

Harry barks out a disbelieving laugh, “You can’t be serious, darling. I’ve been gone for you since I saw you burn that ground beef.”

**

Harry was having a bad day - scratch that. An awful one. He tried to go get coffee at eight in the morning and got bombarded by fans, he left the shop without even ordering. They followed him back to his car and it took him fifteen minutes to pull out.

His favorite Mickey Mouse Gucci suitcase he was bringing along on tour had busted. The zipper unraveling and the trim falling off as a result. It was a one-of-a-kind.

Then he’d been stuck on a Skype meeting about tour merchandise with a group of business partners for the last three hours - all he wanted was a fucking nap.

When Y/N’s contact vibrated across his screen, he’s itching to answer but declines as he needs to give these people his attention.

When she calls again, Harry feels a prickle of annoyance. It’s not even at her - to be quite honest. It’s just the shitty day and everything’s piling up.

He always got like this before he kicked off a tour - stress level maxed out and his ability to handle minor incidents nearly shot.

I’m busy

Okay! Sorry, just have a super exciting surprise for you, bub! 

I really do not feeling like talking. I’d rather be left alone.

Oh, alright. Hope everything’s okay! Do you still want to facetime later?

Harry leaves her on read because he doesn’t want to slip up and take out his frustration on her. He’d been known to do that and he didn’t want her to think he was anything but besotted with her.

**

Y/N feels a little hesitant as she begins the uploading process to her channel. The red loading bar told her it’d be twenty-minutes before it’s going to be posted to her 16 million subscribers - one of them being Harry himself. 

Twenty-minutes for her to back out and cancel the upload. She starts having doubts about it when Harry never replies to her text which is unlike him. 

She takes Rufus out to avoid staring at the loading screen with unnecessary anxiety and uneasiness.

**

Harry is just getting home from a business dinner with the touring company’s management team. The tension and anxiety from today piling up on his shoulders and he just wants to call Y/N and crash in bed. 

He tosses his keys in the little bowl in the entry and kicks off his dingy white vans to the side. His phone dings with an alert from Gemma.

You two are the literal cutest ever. It’s quite gross.

Harry slides onto a stool in his kitchen, confused by the text message before she’s sending the link to him.

Fine Line Inspired Cupcakes!

Harry isn’t quite sure why his heart starts pounding furiously in his chest. A sinking feeling in his stomach when he realizes that this was probably the surprise she was excited about.

He clicks on the thumbnail.

“Hiiii, it’s Y/N. Okay, well today we are going to bake some Fine Line inspired cupcakes. And if you haven’t listened to the album - get your ass out from rock you’re living under and stream it on Spotify!”

She has her hair down in long, waves and a loose cropped shirt that says TPWK in rainbow embroidery.

Harrys mouth is dry and he can’t take his fucking eyes away from the screen. 

“Soo, I was thinking the first batch would be cherry flavored? ‘Cause he has a song titled ‘Cherry’. Let’s start there. First - I need to find my measuring cups.”

In true Y/N fashion, she scours her kitchen - cussing and yanking stuff out of her neatly organized cabinets before huffing and storming off to the side.

She comes back into view, a little frazzled but smiling when she holds up the ring of plastic measuring spoons, visible bite marks notched into the material.

“My asshole of a dog had a little snack,” Y/N shows the camera before shrugging, “Let’s get this shit started. Okay, you’re going to need one cup of sugar - no wait, two? I can’t read my fucking handwriting.”

Harry’s absolutely enamored by this scatter-brained, giggly girl who manages to produce cute blue and pink cupcakes that very vaguely resembled his album cover. His heart felt a million times too big for his chest.

He was enraptured for the entirety of the thirty minute video without taking his eyes away once.

To be honest, he hadn’t felt this way since his last relationship which was over a year ago at this point.

It’s not even a thought as he’s requesting a FaceTime with Y/N. 

She answers after a few rings. She has a green face mask painted on her nose, chin, and forehead with gold eye masks under each eye. She is so fucking ridiculous it’s not even funny. 

What is even more ridiculous is how gone Harry is realizing he is for her. She was quirky, unfiltered, carefree. If he was honest - he hadn’t met a girl like that in a very long time - especially a well-known influencer.

“Hi! How was your day, grumpy?” Y/N asks brightly, making a goofy face as the mask begins to tighten and crack on her skin. Not holding the earlier conversation against him and deciding to just move forward. She understood how stressful it can be.

“M’sorry. I was a bit grumpy,” He admits, “I loved your new video, darling. Did you make those just f’me?”

He can tell she’d be blushing if her face wasn’t covered, a bit bashful as she mutters, “You already know I did it for you.”

“You’re too sweet to me, only six days until we meet,” Harry replies, voice taking on a slow, lazy drawl. 

“Six days,” Y/N repeats, eyes crinkling as she smiles with excitement.

**

“Is this outfit too much?” Y/N panics. Even though there’s literally nothing she can do about it - they’re already walking towards the backstage entrance of the massive arena. It’s still about two hours until the show starts but Harry requested her to come earlier.

Laney sighs, “For the millionth time, you look fucking sexy and Harry’s going to want to rail you right when he sees you.”

Y/N shoves her lightly with a faux annoyance as they meet up with a burly man who’s blocking the entrance to the backstage hallway and rooms.

She gives him their names and pulls up the passes on her phone before he’s nodding with any expression and letting them pass.

They’re not quite sure where to go from here so they begin to wander down the long hallway toward what looks to be the main area that people are milling about.

Y/N is nearly on the ground when someone rounds the corner without looking and walks right into her. Both of them let out huffs of air as they collide and attempt to stabilize themselves.

But there are large hands grasping her arms and holding her steady. In typical Y/N fashion she’s already cursing, “fuckin like a brick wall, look out next time.”

Then she’s looking up to Harry staring back down at her with an amused expression. He doesn’t let go of her and instead tugs her against his bare chest. He’s warm and a bit sweaty - like he’d just worked out. He was only in a pair of thin, running shorts, nike tennis shoes, and a little clip holding his hair off of his face.

Y/N can’t help but wrap her arms around his waist, returning the embrace and amazed by how right it feels to be in his arms. Her face tucks right against his collarbone and it’s like they’d known each other for years.

Pictures and videos don’t do this man justice. He’s gorgeous - sharp edges and dark inked skin. Tall and muscular but dimples that are carved in his cheeks. 

“Nice to meet you, m’Harry,” Harry rumbles, removing one hand from Y/N’s shoulder to reach out his hand to her friend.

Laney shakes his hand before asking, “Laney. I’ll leave you two lovebirds be. Where’s the food?”

Harry chuckles against Y/N’s wavy hair, “Down the hall to the left.”

Laney’s trailing off without another glance, she was very food motivated despite her skinny frame. Also not wanting to intrude of the very personal first moments of their meeting.

The popstar pulls back to look down at the girl he’s fallen for in mere weeks. She’s as beautiful as he thought she'd be - if not more. He can’t help himself, “Would it be too forward to kiss you?”

Y/N smiles widely, running a hand along his jawline, “I’ve wanted you to kiss me since you stayed up on FaceTime with me until two in the morning as I cried after watching The Notebook - despite me seeing it a million times.”

Harry ducks forward to press his lips softly to her, large hands come to cup the side of her face as they connect. He’s so gentle as he moves his mouth against hers. In true Y/N fashion, she’s bold and has no hesitation slipping her tongue into his mouth.

He’s so fucking in love with her. It doesn’t make much sense - it’s definitely not logical but he’s realizing that’s okay.

“Oii, get a room!” Someone shouts from down the hallway teasingly.

Harry flips them the middle finger and pulls back, pink lips swollen and puffy, dimples on full display, “Let me take you out to dinner after the show, darling.”

“You going to wine and dine me, Styles?” Y/N giggles, unable to contain the pleasant warmness he’s spreading through her body. 

“Mmm, have t’make sure you’ll want to keep me,” Harry murmurs happily against her lips once again, pressing kiss after kiss to her to make sure she’s real, “Definitely want to keep you.”

Y/N bites teasingly at his bottom lip, hand planted on the soft but firm skin of his stomach, “You’re never getting rid of me, hope you know that.”

“Was hoping you’d say that, now let me introduce you to my band.”

                                  -- ---- ---- -- 1 year later - -- --- --- --

“Hi bitches! Today is a super special day. We have the one, the only Harry Styles filming with us. I know that’s not really that special since he’s on here all the time with me. But we’re celebrating our one year anniversary!” Y/N smiles, bumping hips with Harry who stands dutifully next to her. 

Anyone viewing can see the absolute heart-eyes and adoration he has for the girl standing next to him. He’s still as lovestruck and gone for her as he was the first time they met. Harry’s fans were thrilled - for the first time in years, he’d opened up again.

They weren’t very public on social media beside’s tagging each other in memes and posting the occasional picture. Y/N was constantly uploading cooking videos from wherever in the world she was with Harry on his tour, she’d also begin making vlogs about different foods she’s been experiencing.

---

“Okay, so here in Peru - they’re known to have this really fucking spicy beef with noddles. So obviously, I’m going to make Harry try it first,” Y/N laughs as she props the camera up on the side of the table on a napkin holder.

Harry - who has a concert in a few hours - frowns at the steaming dish in front of him, “Darling, I don’t want to try it first. It’s going to burn my mouth. Not gonna be able to sing.”

“You’re sucha baby sometimes,” Y/N rolls her eyes, slurping up the noodles with her fork while making a silly face at her boyfriend. She pulls back, straight-faced, “It’s not hot at all. Tastes amazing, though.”

Harry takes that as an initiative to shovel a spoonful into his mouth. It only takes half a moment until his taste buds erupt in fiery flames from the spices, “You bloody little brat, y’tricked me! It’s so fuckin’ hot!”

Y/N smiles widely, laughing much too loudly in the restaurant when Harry chugs the glass of water next to the plate while glaring at his love. “I’m sorry, s’just to easy with you, lovie,” She replies, leaning over the table to press a kiss to his lips. 

He’s a sucker for her and kisses her right back despite his mouth being an inferno. His heart was on fire for her and that burned much more intensely.

---

“No, love. The instructions say baking soda, not baking powder. They’re not the same thing,” Harry sighs, attempting to read her scribbled, sloppy handwriting. She’d already spilled milk on half of the paper.

“S’interchangeable, right?” Y/N hums, cracking an egg into the bowl and Harry automatically knows to look to fish out the eggshells that’d she’d let slip in because she sucks at cracking eggs but always wants to do it.

Harry reaches over her, grabbing the vanilla extract and a teaspoon, “It’s not, baby. Lemme do this real quick.”

“Will you make me a grilled cheese after this?” She asks, nuzzling into his side and wrapping her arms around his waist as he finishes adding the wet ingredients to their bowl. Harry stopped questioning her thought process a long time ago.

Harry swipes his finger into the mixture of icing off to the side and rubs it right onto her nose, cackling at her pout and squeaking when she pinches at the fleshy skin of his hips. She in turn dips her finger into the sugary cream and pops it right into her mouth.

Harry eyes darken, watching her lips purse as she sucks off the icing. It was a dirty move on Y/N’s part and she knows it. It has her boyfriend dragging an icing-covered thumb along her collarbone before leaning down to slowly lick up the sugary trail with his tongue.

When Y/N slides her fingers into his hair and lets out a pretty moan, Harry’s standing back up, trailing over to the tripod and saying into the camera, “We’ll be back after a little commercial break,” and is then turning off the record button.

It takes little to no time for Harry to have Y/N’s bum on the countertop, mouth on her neck, and hand in-between her thighs.

And when they finally posted a very edited final cut of the video - well there may be a couple of fans who notice the how flushed Y/N is halfway through and a lovely purple mark on Harry’s neck that wasn’t there in the beginning of the video.

[kiridarling]

𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐋𝐈𝐓𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐆𝐑𝐎𝐔𝐏𝐈𝐄

d.kaminari and h.sero | f!reader + corruption + weed/shotguning + praise + threesome + more! minors dni!

— 3.6k words

"I knew I wanted you the second I saw you."

Denki’s addicted to the pre-concert high.

His veins hum with a song that has yet to start, fingers drumming some mixed beat on the body of his electric guitar as he assumes his place on the dark stage. The theater’s dead silent, the room suspended in a titilating anticipation—and the steady rhythm Denki's heart dissapates into chaos when the faint crack of Eijirou's drumsticks bounce off the walls, and the click in his earpiece begins.

Eijirou hits the kick drum once. Twice. Then his hands fly across the set in a flurry, the rolling beat echoing into the packed arena and spurring the crowd to explode, fans flying to their feet to render their vocal cords for the night.

As the other instruments fill the blank space, Denki's hand grips the back of his guitar's neck, on hold for his solo, and by the time the electric blond steps up to the mic, pavlov's theory has already kicked in overdrive.

"Who’s ready to feel good tonight?”

“Dude, I’m on fucking fire!” Denki vibrates, nearly glowing in comparison to his bandmates as they sift through a flurry of fans at a meet and greet. It always seems like Denki and Eijirou are the only ones with energy after a good show—but what can he say? Being on stage lights him up like a live wire.

"You said that last concert, buddy," Hanta snorts, before his a fan ran sacks his attention by shoving a tiara into his hairline.

"And? My point still stan—" Denki cuts himself off with a gasp as a bra slings across his face, followed by a burst of pain when the metal hits him in the cheek. He peels the lacy thing off with an eye on the audience and an eyebrow raised in question, unsure of what to do with the undergarment (other than put it on) until someone screams:

“Sign it!”

Denki shrugs and pops the Sharpie cap with his teeth to sign the crest of both cups before flinging it back into the audience—he can only pray it pinpoints its rightful owner before the meet and greet ends.

Katsuki clicks his tongue (because he hates these events) and as the next round of fans lineup in front of their table, Eijirou stretches like this is a sport, saying, “Guess it’s go-time.”

"Go-time is when we perform," Katsuki grumbles in the seat to Denki’s right. "Go-time is when we're in the studio makin' a goddamn album, not meeting crazy fuckin' fans—no, I’m not gonna marry you, you obsessed fuckin—“

“Oh, you're just salty you're not popular with the ladies~“ Denki gushes, wiggling his eyebrows, and a fan hands him a canvas the size of his upper body. “Un—oh wow, did you make this for me—Unlike me, of course.”

"Okay, pretty boy." Hanta rolls his eyes, before signing a phone case and returning it to an overzealous fan. With a hand covering his mouth, he whispers, “Can you believe this guy? So full of himself, I swear.”

The fan giggles and Hanta meets the blushing cheeks with a satisfied smirk. Denki huffs from the disrespect, crossing both arms over his chest. “Full of myself? It’s not my fault I’m sexy—*an autograph? Of course!"

Katsuki chuckles, scratching under his chin with ink blue fingertips, "Call yourself sexy one more fuckin’ time and I'm projectile vomiti—no, I'm not signing your tits, give me a goddamn paper or somethin—"

"What?” Denki scoffs, chest collapsing with the disbelief that one could make such a lie. “I'm literally the definition of I'm sexy and I kno—"

"Um, excuse me?"

His gesticulations freeze at the passive voice, arms stretched wide and to the sky, and Denki knows he has to look absolutely ridiculous as he blinks down at the next person in-line; who's stood with bambi eyes and such a sweet smile the electric blond thinks it might make him sick.

"I-I'm your biggest fan! Could you—um, please sign this for me?"

She comes alive, shoving a poster into his chest with pink cheeks and shifty irises. Out of all the bras, all the breasts he's been asked to sign today, and here you are, with your pocket-sized poster and your lamb countenance. Denki beams.

"Of course, Sweetness! What's your name?"

"[Y/N]!" you say, giggling, and it's so. Cute. Denki opens the Sharpie and struggles to focus on signing instead of your gorgeous fucking face.

"Anything specific you'd like me to say?"

And he knows there's a rule—there always are when it comes to these things, and it's simple: don't fuck the fans. As tempting as it is, don't invite them back to your hotel room because there are too many uncertainties, and if something leaks to the press that’s possibly career ending, that’s it. So, Denki holds his tongue. For the future of himself and the band.

"Uhm, just write what you want! I...I think I'd like it best if it was authentic and came straight from you, so."

Fuck. Of course she does.

And maybe Denki just can't help it when he leans down to speak, perhaps a little lower, "You want something more authentic, cutie?"

You light up like a kid on Christmas, gasping, "Yes please Mr. Kaminari!"

So eager, too.

"Awe, you can call me Denki if you'd like," he coos, and you nod so quickly he starts to worry about whiplash. "Meet me out back, in the alley behind the venue if you wanna get to know me better. Sound like a deal?”

"O-Okay!" You nod, and when he returns your sign you grip it tight between both hands. "I'll um, see you soon Mr. Kami—I mean, D-Denki!"

You flush from the mix up and bow in apology, and Denki knows he's made the right choice when you light up, indicating you have no idea what he meant at all.

"Row row row your boat, gently down the stream," you hum, sniffling. You’re unsure if your nose is running, it's too frozen to tell, and it has you patting to confirm it’s presence. With your hands stuffed in your pockets and a jacket wrapped tight around your body, you'd think you'd be warm, but no.

The alley is dark. It's dank enough that you can smell it and you're positive what you're dancing in is vomit, but none the matter—today, you met your favorite band. Literally the people you'd die for.

"Merrily, merrily," kicking the loose rocks in the gravel every which way, you enjoy the sound of them scattering against the surrounding brick walls. "Merrily, merrily..."

"Life is but a dream," a voice finishes, a yelp rips from your throat and you jump twenty feet in alarm. But you’d know that voice anywhere; Denki chuckles at your reaction and it has you recoiling with timidity, unprepared for the surprised audience. "You have a lovely voice, Cutie. You should use it more often."

"I..." but you're not exactly sure what to say to that, knowing Denki's heard so many professional voices in his career to last a lifetime, and yet yours is lovely. "T-Thank you."

Denki watches your reaction with a hum and a smile, his visible breath escaping between the slit of his lips and into the cool air.

"Of course, Cutie."

Another voice sighs, shattering the friction that fills your gut when Denki gives you that look. You're not sure what to call it, but it makes you shiver, and that's enough to make you to run and hide.

"...Denki, who's this?"

"Um," the blond places his frozen hands in his pockets and swivels his head around to Hanta, guilty written all over his face. "A fan?"

Hanta sighs again, head tilting to the right in exhausperation, “Denki—"

"I know, I know," the electric blond sighs, waving him off. "But it's fine as long as we don't get caught, right?"

Hanta's black hair threatens to fall into his face so he combs through it, and you try not to drool at the sight of his bicep flexing. "Yeah, until we get caught."

A honk blares and it has you shrieking, to reveal a parked tour bus in the alley once the lights flicker on. Denki points the car keys at the vehicle and the doors swing open. "Awe c'mon, don't be a sour puss. It's a one-time thing, alright?"

Hanta's eyes narrow into slits.

"Seriously, dude! I'm a man of my word! On God."

The noirette's shoulders sag, but he waltzes around both of you to get on the bus. Over his shoulder, he warns, "Denki I swear to fucking god—"

"I'll be careful, I'll be careful~" he singsongs, hopping onto the stairs after the pianist. When Denki notices not you're not moving, he stills at the top step. "You coming, [Y/N]?"

"O-Oh, am I um, am I allowed?" You ask, biting your cheek at the thought of what Hanta just said as you peer around the electric blond’s body. Denki snorts, rolling his eyes.

"Yes, you're allowed," he exits the bus, only to tug you on via your collar. "Now c'mon! Let's have some fun, yeah?"

"Okay!"

Denki steers you through the bus and into a space that looks a bit like a living room, with a couch, tv, and a makeshift kitchen in the corner. Following Denki to the kitchen, you look around.

"Where are Kirishima and Bakugou?"

"Out drinking," Denki tosses, flicking open a RedBull. You wonder if this is always the post-concert routine. Hanta fiddles in with something on the couch, but he still has yet to look you in the eyes tonight, even when you ask him:

"What are you doing?"

It seems he didn't realize you’ve relocated from the kitchen to the couch next to him from the noirette nearly jumps. The green stuff in his fingers crumbles, and you scrunch your nose at the smell.

"It stinks," you add. Denki snorts, jumping onto the cushion to your right. There isn’t a whole lot of room and his addition causes your shoulders to slush between the two of them, but it’s strangely comfortable.

"It's weed," he explains like it's obvious. "You smoke, Cutie?"

"Obviously not," you and Hanta say at the same time. You turn his way, and for the first time that night, Hanta looks you in the eyes—and it's a smile, with his eyes crinkling in the corners, but there's...something else. Something else hidden behind the thinnest veil that makes you cower, if ever so slightly.

Something feral.

Denki, unaware of the crushing grip your hand has around your thigh, huffs, and tosses the energy drink down his gullet, "It was a genuine question! Geez."

"What are you doing?" You ask again, and the electric blond whimpers from being ignored.

"Rolling a joint," he utters, lifting the paper to his lips to lick the length. You watch, semi-disgusted, as Hanta finally folds over the last bit of paper around the crest of the joint, gluing it together.

"Know what a joint is?" The noirette implores.

"Yeah," you breathe, shifting at the new closeness Denki provides when you feel his chest against your back. "My roommate smokes, so."

Hanta taps it on a tray, or what Denki describes as "packing it down," before twisting the tip and tossing it back onto the tray in conclusion. Denki cheers.

"Aha! The joint-rolling master has blessed us! Everyone say thank you, joint-rolling master."

"Thank you, joint-rolling master!" You giggle when Hanta's face turns a ruddy red. He reaches over to pop Denki upside the head. Denki gasps, before lunging to return the favor, and you squeal from being jostled between two men.

"Okay," when Denki returns to his seat he's panting and so is the noirette. He picks the joint off the tray and though there isn't much room, turns so he's facing you, your legs smushed against his body indian style. "You ready, Cutie?"

"As ready as I'll ever be," you huff, swinging your arms in preparation despite the lack of space. Just in case.

Hanta snorts, holding the joint to your lips, and Denki raises the lighter and raises it to the end until it's hot enough to burn on its own.

“Now suck."

You do, cheeks puffing, and you blow the smoke straight in Denki's face. It's...a lot.

"Not quite," Hanta chuckles, and flips you via the waist so you're facing him. Denki whines from the change but finds solace in hooking his chin over your shoulder. "Suck, and then inhale. Act like it's a big breath—you gotta hold it in your lungs for a sec."

"Okay," you assert with a nod, eyes burning with a new determination. When Hanta holds it to your lips, you suck and inhale, and start coughing your throat raw, in a flurry of smoke and tears, eyes watering and nose burning. You scramble for water, but by the time you get some, the only thing that's left to soothe is a sore throat.

"Here," Denki offers, grabbing the joint before flipping you his way again. "Take smaller hits, like this."

Denki's mouth wraps around the tip and smoke pours from his lips so smoothly you're determined to do the same. With a raised eyebrow, he passes it back to you, and though it takes a moment, you try again.

The back of your throat tingles but the glide is much smoother, and you find that it doesn't burn on your next exhale. So you do it again. And again. And agai—

"Okay," Hanta picks the joint from your fingers with a click of his tongue, before taking a hit himself. You frown, making grabby hands.

"Hey, wai—"

"Nu-uh," he tuts, pushing you down by your forehead. "You'll feel it soon enough, trust me."

You whine, crossing your arms over your chest. Hanta gives you nothing but a raised eyebrow as he takes another hit, and you're convinced it's to taunt you. "I'm not eve—"

But then the world blurs, a bit, and your legs hum in a way they haven't before; it's warm and it's nice, and it has you blinking down at your hands in bewilderment. Whoa.

"And there she goes," Denki announces, and somehow seized the joint from the noirette when you weren't looking. Your mouth drops to say something, but all you can produce is a light giggle before it melts into a guffaw that only comes straight from the gut, your hands trying to soothe your cramping belly. Tears come to your eyes fairly easily, and when Hanta asks if you're okay he sounds like he's underwater, and that's enough to send you flying through another fit of laughs.

"I—y-yeah, I'm just—just fine," you snort behind a hand, chest spasming as you finally gather yourself enough to calm down. "I'm good. Mhm."

"Yep. Totally fine," Hanta says, but something in his tone suggests he doesn't believe you at all.

You nod, biting your bottom lip to avoid another laugh attack with your hands bunching the bottom of your shirt for extra purchase. Hanta narrows his eyes while taking another hit, so you sock him in the shoulder with a huff. "Stop looking at me like that."

The noirette snorts, "Like what?"

"Like..." you start strong, but falter under his eyes. "Like you want to eat me."

Hanta hums at the comment but says nothing, and you're not sure if your mind fabricated the quick look he gives the electric blond sat behind you. Denki speaks first.

"Do you know what shotgunning is, [Y/N]?"

You frown, "Like a shotgun?"

"So no," Hanta answers for you.

"Here," Denki offers, turning you again. Plucking the nub of a joint from the noirette, he takes a big hit before picking your face up by the jaw and hovering your lips over yours. You're not sure what to do, but once your lips connect, smoke fills your lungs, and you don't exhale until Denki pulls away. You blink, a little dazed.

You just kissed Denki Kaminari.

"Feel good?" He asks, never leaving your personal space. You nod, and he grins. "Wanna do it again?"

Your hands fist his shirt, teeth tearing the inside of your cheek due to the amount of embarrassment this question encourages. "I wan—can we do it again but without the um...without the smoke?"

Denki's hands find your hips and it's hard for him to contain a sly smirk, biting his lips to move in on his prey.

"I knew I waned you the second I saw you."

Denki's lips feel much better when he puts a little weight into the kiss, pinning you between him and the noirette. You're not exactly sure what you're doing but he takes the lead, titling his head and kissing harder, rougher, so your lips are pink and swollen by the time he pulls away.

"A-Another," you whimper, tightening your grip around his tee.

Denki hums in contemplation, picking your head up by your chin. "Ask nicely, Cutie."

Flushing deeper, your eyes dart to the coffee table.

“Another, please."

"Good girl," Denki coos, and he's propping you up against Hanta's chest. You shiver at the comment, finding purchase on Hanta's thighs as Denki kisses you on the lips again. "Wanna feel even better?"

"Yes," you nod vehemently. "Yes please."

Denki hums at that, climbing down your body as his hands glide from your waist to the band of your pants. You frown, "What—What are you doing?"

"Eating you out, Cutie," the electric blond says, hands freezing once his thumbs dip under your waistband. "That okay?"

"Oh okay," you breathe, relaxing against Hanta's chest. "Y-Yeah, that's fine."

Denki rips your pants off at that, tossing them towards the corner of the room and ultimately, to a place you'll probably never find them. Pushing your panties to the side, he licks his lips at the sight of your pussy, and flicks your clit with a smirk. You jump.

"H-Hey, that's not—"

He flattens his tongue against your slit and chuckles when you shudder, and after tossing both of your legs over his shoulders. You're not sure what he does after that though, because Hanta picks your face up by the chin and presses his lips to yours.

Denki slides a finger inside and you squeal against Hanta's chapped lips. You hear the electric blond moan, readjusting himself between your thighs, before you finally peel your lips off the noirette's, chest having from lack of oxygen.

"Such a pretty pussy, Baby," Denki gushes before his warm lips fold around your clit and he sucks, humming in surprise when you buck against his mouth. Hanta hooks his chin around your shoulder with a second joint dangling between his lips—and where it came from is beyond you.

Once he exhales, the joint finds its way between your lips and he instructs you to inhale, and the head rush afterwards has you digging your head into his chest.

"You're so wet, holy shit," Denki pulls away, lips strawberry pink and glossed with slick as he trades his both for his thumb and inserting another finger. It crooks just right and that's enough to make your hips buck, nails carving crescents in Hanta's thighs.

“T-There,” you whimper, wiggling your hips again, and Denki grins, thumb pressing into your clit. Your thighs quiver with the strain it takes to hold them back and Hanta’s calloused hands skip to your waist after dropping the burning joint off in the tray.

“Pull his hair,” the noirette commands, but you hesitate, hands glued to his thighs. Hanta sighs, reaching over you to tug for himself.

“Mph—fuck!” Denki’s eyelids flutter as he moans into your pussy with a new passion, his hands wrapping around your thighs to hold you in place. You gasp at his reaction, fingers scrambling under Hanta’s own to thread through his electric blond hair.

“Move your hips—grind against his face, c’mon,” Hanta’s grip tightens around your waist as he offers the suggestion, and you whimper with a nod before your bucking into Denki’s mouth without abandon. As the noirette trails butterfly kisses up the column of your neck, the coil in your gut snaps, and you barely have time to squeak out a warning before you’re flooding Denki’s mouth.

“Good girl...ride it out—there you go,” Hanta coos, biting your ear. You shiver as Denki pulls away with a final (and obscene) slurp, grinning like he didn’t just shatter you to pieces with nothing but his tongue and fingers.

Denki’s lips are on yours in a blink—you moan, legs still buzzing from the afterglow as you weakly grope for the small hairs on the back of his neck.

“Taste good, don’t ya?” He says with a click of a tongue after pulling away.

“I guess so,” you flush, the humiliation from so shamelessly digging your heels into Denki’s back finally settling in. Hanta reaches under your arm for Denki’s chin.

“What? Want a taste too?” The electric blond giggles, wiggling his eyebrows. Hanta snorts.

“If you could be so kind.”

Denki hums at that, placing a hand on your inner thigh for balance as he slams his lips on the noirette’s for the first time that night. He dives straight for the kill, tongue and teeth and everything, and Denki moas when Hanta’s teeth sink into his bottom lip; you find that you like it a lot.

Though eventually you tired of watching, and press the heel of your hand on Hanta’s hard cock through the fabric of his jeans. The pianist hisses, and you grin—you’ve got their attention now.

“Whoa Sweetheart, what are y—“

“I...I want more,” you assert despite the tremor in your voice. Hanta raises an eyebrow in question which has you pressing harder in hopes he’ll cave just as easily as before. Just in case, you add, “Please.”

Denki redirects your attention by squishing your cheeks until you’re looking him in the eyes. With dark eyes, he says, “You sure you want more, Cutie?”

You nod despite the restriction, “Wanna...wanna get to know you better.”

You watch Denki’s pupils dialate at that, and he can’t even hold back a groan when he says:

“Gods, Baby. We’re going to ruin you.”

unpopular opinion: bakugou's the bassist and kirishima's the drummer. fight me.

not me projecting 12yo sun's fantasy of getting railed in the tour bus by 5sos um—

[lsmu]

Book 3 Part 1 - Chapter 5: A Christmas

"Come on, Hyejin-ie!" "Yes-yes, hang on... Lemme put on my coat." "Omo, yes... It's so cold..."

It was Christmas morning. Irene, Seulgi, Joy, Yeri, and I had just arrived at SHSCC for the Christmas service. I assumed that Wendy was already here with Pastor Nathan, and although I was truly excited to join the service, what I found last night made me feel even more curious to meet Wendy's fiancé in person, and possibly talk to him about the incident from last year.

I put on my coat and stepped out of Joy's Jaguar. The cold winter breeze immediately stung my bones, making me shudder. Yeri noticed this and hugged my arm, trying to multiply our body heat. I felt my nipples perking, either from the cold wind or Yeri's touch, I didn't know. I heard her giggling.

"It's so cold, right, Hyejin-ie?" she asked cutely. I giggled and nodded. "Lucky I have you," I whispered. She slapped my arm adoringly and giggled again. Seulgi and Irene sighed. "Come on, girls. The faster we get inside, the faster we'll get warmer," Irene said. "And the faster I'll stop seeing you two doing public displays of affection," completed Seulgi.

We all laughed as we walked from the outdoor parking lot towards the church building. It was a futuristic looking building in the middle of Yeouido Island, and honestly I wouldn't know that it was a church if there wasn't a giant cross on the side of the building.

As we approached the building, I saw more and more people flocked towards it. Wow. I knew it was Christmas morning, but I'd never expected so many people to join a church service. It almost felt like I was entering an arena for a K-pop concert.

"Wow, has it always been this packed every Sunday?" I asked Joy in a low voice. She chuckled and shook her head. "Hmmm... There are more people today because it's Christmas, but... Yeah it's always packed," she said. "The auditorium can host up to 10,000 people, so... Yeah," added Yeri. My eyes widened in surprise. "Ten thousand?" I asked incredulously. The two girls nodded and smiled. "Well... Welcome to SHSCC!" Yeri said as we approached the lobby.

A few ushers in uniformed padding jackets greeted us warmly in the reception hall and offered us tea or coffee to warm ourselves. I found myself at a loss of words. This really felt like the reception area before a K-pop concert. Were we really attending a religious event? Irene looked at me and smiled.

"It's amazing, isn't it, Hyejin-ie?" she asked me kindly. I nodded. "Y–Yeah... I feel like we're about to watch a concert or something," I said honestly. She chuckled and nodded. "Yeah. That was my reaction the first time I came here too. It doesn't feel like going into a church," she said, flinging her sight around the reception hall. Suddenly, her eyes lit up and she waved excitedly. I followed her eyesight and saw four people waving back.

My heart stopped. It was Yeoni, together with Blackpink's Jisoo, Jennie, and Rosé.

"Joohyun-unnie! Gomdoli-unnie! Joy-unnie! Yeri-ya!" exclaimed Rosé.

She rushed to our side and hugged the Red Velvet girls tightly. Yeoni, Jennie, and Jisoo walked behind her and greeted the girls too, before turning their attention towards me.

"Oh! I haven't met Yeri's new girlfriend! Hyejin-ie, right?" exclaimed Jennie.

I gulped and nodded nervously. I'd seen Jennie countless times on screen for the past decade and from afar when I followed Yeoni and Irene this past week, but this was the first time I met her up close. She was petite, not dissimilar to me, but she exuded an undeniable superstar aura, and she was extremely hot and beautiful. Yeoni laughed.

"She's starstruck," he pointed out. I blushed red, while Rosé, Jennie and Jisoo laughed. "A–Ah... Y–Yes. I'm Moon Hyejin. Nice to meet you, Rosé-ssi, Jisoo-ssi and Jennie-ssi!" I stuttered, overing my hand. They shook it and smiled. "Nice to meet you, Hyejin-ie," said Jisoo.

Somehow her voice sounded so kind and warm, I immediately felt really bad for taking the job to investigate her. She looked a lot chubbier up close, but still otherworldly beautiful, albeit in a different way than Irene. It was as if she had never committed any sin in her entire life.

"Hyejin-ie, just call us 'Unnie'!" said Rosé happily. I nodded and smiled.

Jisoo looked at Seulgi and giggled.

"Unnie, do you bring the costume?" she asked her. Seulgi nodded, but she looked unsure. "Yes, but... Jisoo-ya... Do I really have to wear that costume?" she asked. Jisoo laughed and nodded. "Yes! The kids will love you!" she said happily.

The others were giggling, but I was confused. Costume? What were they talking about? Noticing this, Jisoo smiled and looked at me.

"Seulgi-unnie and I are helping out with the Kids Ministry today," she said. "Jisoo-unnie will be Pikachu, while Seulgi-unnie..." Rosé started, but Joy interjected. "Hang on, Rosie! Hyejin-ie! Guess which cartoon character Gomdoli-unnie will be!" she said naughtily.

I stared at Seulgi who looked at me begrudgingly. If Jisoo was Pikachu... Then Seulgi would be... A character came to my mind instantly, and I had to cover my mouth with both hands to stop me from bursting out laughing.

"W–Winnie the Pooh?" I guessed sheepishly.

Everyone laughed out loud and gave me a thumbs up. Seulgi pouted, but then she grinned and nodded.

"My gosh... Do I really look like a bear that much?" she said. "It's your destiny, Unnie," said Jennie teasingly. "If they ever want to do a live action movie of Pooh you'll have to audition," said Yeri. "Ya!" protested Seulgi, but we all laughed together.

Seulgi hugged Jisoo's arm and smiled at all of us.

"Well... I guess we should go now, right, Jisoo?" she said generously. Jisoo nodded. "Enjoy the service, girls!" she exclaimed excitedly to all of us. "Pikachu and Pooh off to work! Woo-hoo!"

We laughed and nodded, waving goodbye to the two beautiful and silly girls. They walked happily to the opposite direction, while Rosé led us inside the auditorium. She brought us to a section on the right hand side of the room where a row of empty seats was waiting for us. All around us, thousands of people started filling up the auditorium, and I was seriously unable to shake off the feeling that I was about to watch a concert.

"Are you okay, Babe?" whispered Yeri, noticing how nervous I was. I nodded. "Yeah... It's just... First time. Don't worry," I whispered back. She nodded and looked away.

As more people came inside, so did the celebrities. I saw idols from across generations, including 2NE1's Minzy, F(x)'s Amber and Luna, SISTAR's Hyorin, as well as almost all members of SHINEE sitting near us, exchanging greetings and wishing each other a Merry Christmas.

I saw Twice's Nayeon, Jihyo, and Dahyun mingling near the stage with a young man, and they all wore lanyards and name tags, signifying that they were working in some capacity for today's service. The guy looked somewhat familiar, but I couldn't remember ever meeting him before.

Around the VIP section right in front of the stage, sat the Super Junior and SNSD members and their families. I noticed that there was an empty seat next to a man with two young children next to SNSD's Sunny, and suddenly I remembered something. Curious, I leaned into Yeri.

"I saw all the SNSD members there... But where's Taeyeon-ssi?" I asked her. Yeri giggled. "Oh, that's right! Remember what Seulgi-unnie told you last time?" she asked. My eyes widened. I did remember. "Really? They're going to lead worship?" I asked her. Yeri nodded excitedly. "And Ji-eun-unnie too!" said Rosé who sat next to her. "You picked the right service to come to!"

I looked at the stage. Wow. I was going to watch Taeyeon and IU lead worship today! So cool!

At that moment, the auditorium darkened, and the attendees started to cheer. Colourful lights started illuminating the stage, and to my surprise, Choi Siwon of Super Junior walked on stage to a loud cheer. This seriously felt like a concert.

"Good morning, SHSCC! Welcome to our Christmas morning service and Merry Christmas to all of us!" the galant looking Youth Pastor welcomed everyone.

He paused for a moment to give everyone time to clap and cheer, before smiling.

"The service will begin soon, but before we start, I would like all of us to join me in welcoming our new friends and families who visit us for the first time today! If you're a new joiner or a first time visitor to SHSCC, please stand up from your seats!" he said.

My heart stopped. I... Should I stand? One by one, people started standing up nervously and bowing to everyone, and ten thousand people clapped for them. Yeri and Joy elbowed me encouragingly.

"Stand up, Hyejin-ie!" Yeri said. "Don't be shy!" exclaimed Joy.

Nervously, I stood up, bowing around. Jennie, Yeoni, Rosé, and the Red Velvet members cheered loudly and clapped. The other idols sitting near us cheered and clapped too, exclaiming their welcome towards me.I knew my face blushed so red it matched the Christmas decorations. Siwon smiled and clapped on stage, before lifting the microphone back to his mouth.

"A very warm welcome to our new SHSCC members and visitors! Now, for families with young children, you guys can let the kids go join our Kids Ministry this morning! We've got Pikachu and Pooh helping us today, and I'm sure that the kids will have fun together with them!" Siwon announced.

I saw Jisoo and Seulgi waving from the side of the stage, already in costume. I couldn't help but laugh seeing Seulgi in the Pooh costume. She looked so cute. Jisoo looked adorable too, and I noticed that she went the extra mile to put in a bump in the Pikachu costume to make herself look extra cute and fluffy. The kids rushed happily to the two unnies' side and they exited the auditorium together.

"Right, I won't take up your time much longer! Now I want to invite everyone to please stand on your feet and worship together with us! Enjoy His presence this morning and God bless you!" Siwon said, ending his welcoming speech and walking off stage.

The attendees cheered and stood up, and we followed them. The music started, and I saw two petite figures walking on stage. IU lifted her microphone and greeted everyone.

"Merry Christmas, SHSCC! Let's worship the Lord together this morning!" she exclaimed. "Clap your hands!" exclaimed Taeyeon.

They started singing, and everyone joined in happily. I had never heard any of the songs, but I did feel that this was fun, and after a while I found myself already joining everyone singing the songs loudly, reading the lyrics on the giant LED screen on stage.

Seulgi was right. The music was so good, and both Taeyeon and IU led the worship session masterfully. IU was in charge of most of the fast-paced music, doing her cute dances every now and then, while Taeyeon led the more ballad-y songs, leading us with her soft yet powerful voice. Everyone seemed to be immersed in worship. Before today, I would never have imagined experiencing a religious service like this, where everyone jumped around during the fast-paced songs, and lifted their hands and closed their eyes during the ballad songs. Some even cried as they sang. This was seriously something else.

After worship, a Christmas drama production was showcased, and it was really good and funny. As everyone enjoyed the drama, I flung my eyes to the frontmost seats, in front of the VIP section where the SNSD members sat with their families. My eyes caught Wendy, looking so beautiful and elegant in her white dress, and beside her... Pastor Jonathan Cho.

I squinted my eyes to see him better in the darkened room. He was tall, really tall even, taller than Yeoni who was already considerably tall, and considerably handsome. His reddish-brown was slicked back, and he wore a crisp dark purple suit. I noticed that the colour matched Wendy's belt. They looked like the perfect couple. Did Wendy know about her fiancé's involvement in last year's YG investment scandal? Had Yeri told her unnie?

After the drama, the offerings session, and a few announcements, Taeyeon returned on stage to greet everyone. She bowed and smiled so cutely, I couldn't believe that she was a 38 years old mother of two.

"I hope you guys enjoyed the drama! Yeorobun, please join me in giving another round of applause to the drama team!" she roused the crowd.

Everyone clapped and cheered loudly with the SNSD leader. After a while, she lifted her hand to calm everyone down.

"Now. Who's ready for the Christmas message? Let's welcome Pastor Nathan to the stage!" she announced. Everyone clapped and cheered again, as Nathan walked quickly on stage and Taeyeon off it. Nathan raised his arms and waved to the crowd as he took his microphone.

"Thank you, Taeyeon-ssi. Good morning, SHSCC! Merry Christmas!" he exclaimed.

He placed his Bible on the podium and asked everyone to join him in a prayer. After he finished praying, Nathan started delivering the Christmas message with charisma and poise. Suddenly, I heard Yeoni talking in a low voice with Jennie and Rosé.

"He's changed so much, hasn't he?" Yeoni said. I heard Jennie and Rosé chuckling. "Yeah. Who would've thought that John would be a Pastor," said Jennie. "I guess what happened last year had a huge impact on him, huh?" said Rosé. Jennie chuckled. "But he does look genuinely happy with Wendy. So I'm happy for them," said Rosé sincerely. Yeoni and Jennie nodded. "He has a thing for Westernized vocalists, though..." mused Yeoni. Rosé and Jennie giggled. "Well, you don't get dumped by Blackpink's Roseanne Park every day. It'll scar you for life," Jennie said naughtily. Rosé slapped Jennie's thigh and giggled.

Wait. 'Dumped by Rosé'? Was Nathan... Was he Rosé's ex?

* * *

The service was over after a couple of hours, and to be honest, I enjoyed it. I could see why so many people joined SHSCC, for it really felt like attending a K-pop concert apart from the sermon.

After waving goodbye to the other celebrities and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas again, Yeoni, Jennie, and Rosé said their farewell to us, while Yeri, Joy, and Irene brought me down to the VIP section. Yeri was so popular among the more senior SM members, but she looked particularly close with Taeyeon's children. She joked and played around with the two toddlers, while Joy talked with Crush a few steps away from us. They looked like they had stopped fighting. That was good.

"Hyejin-ie! Come here! I want to introduce you to someone!" beckoned Irene. I looked up and nodded, approaching her.

To my surprise, it was not just 'someone'. It was IU and Taeyeon. The two petite singers smiled and offered their hands for me to shake.

"Nice to meet you, Hyejin-ie! Yeri's friend, right?" said Taeyeon kindly. "Girlfriend," corrected IU. Taeyeon gasped and giggled, while I blushed. "G–Good day, Taeyeon-ssi, IU-ssi! Nice to meet you too!" I said nervously. The two senior singers smiled. "I hope the girls have not been too naughty on you?" asked Taeyeon, making Irene pout. "Unnie~!" she complained. Her senior labelmate laughed. "No, no, Taeyeon-ssi... They've been really kind to me," I said. "Yeah, you're the first girlfriend Yeri brought to church. So she must consider you special," IU said. I giggled. Really? "Ya, Ji-eun... Don't put pressure on the poor girl!" said Irene.

The three girls laughed, and I chuckled nervously. IU looked at me and smiled.

"Well, I hope you enjoyed the service, Hyejin-ie..." she said. I smiled and nodded. "Yes, IU-ssi. It was really fun!" I said honestly. "Is this your first time?" asked Taeyeon. "Yes, and... I didn't expect it to be this... Hype," I said. The three unnies giggled. "Yeah... It is, isn't it?" mused IU absentmindedly.

Taeyeon threw a glance at her husband and kids and suddenly realised something.

"Omo... The kids are here already! Jisoo and Seulgi must be done at the Kids Ministry. I'm going to check on them. Nice to meet you again, Hyejin-ie! Merry Christmas!" she said as she walked away.

I bowed. Taeyeon immediately gave off a kind and heartwarming persona. IU smiled and clapped my shoulder.

"Well, I gotta go too. Enjoy your time here! See you around, Hyejin-ie! Merry Christmas!" she said happily. "Merry Christmas, IU-ssi!" I said as I bowed respectfully. IU nodded at Irene and I before walking away. Irene giggled. "They're nice, right?" she asked me. I smiled. "So nice. I didn't feel like I was meeting two industry legends!" I said breathlessly. Irene laughed.

I smiled and looked around, immersing my sight on the many K-pop idols around me. This was new territory for me. Up to last month, I wouldn't have imagined that I would be spending Christmas with all these celebrities. Suddenly, we heard someone shouting.

"BAECHU-UNNIE! HYEJIN-IE!"

We turned, and saw Wendy rushing to our direction. Irene laughed and hugged Wendy, before Wendy hugged me too. I chuckled.

"Wow, seriously Hyejin! You look really gorgeous in this outfit!" she said, complimenting my looks. I smiled. "It's because I'm wearing your outfit!" I said, returning the compliments.

She scoffed and smiled kindly. Irene looked around, and I knew she was trying to find someone. I think I kinda knew whom she was looking for, and a second later Irene confirmed my thoughts.

"Where's Nathan?" asked Irene. Wendy shrugged. "Oh he's doing his prayer session," she said casually. Irene nodded, but I didn't understand. "Prayer session?" I blurted out my question. Wendy nodded. "Yeah! Lots of people come to the pastors for prayers after service usually, and he's one of the pastors, so... Yeah. It's his job," she said, then suddenly her eyes lit up. "Hyejin-ie! You should do that too!"

I stared at her confusedly.

"D–Do what, Unnie?" I asked her. "Visit Nathan for prayers! Usually new joiners do that the first time they visit the Church!" she said excitedly. Irene laughed, but then she nodded. "Yeah, Seulgi and I did that too the first time we were here. You should do it!" she said encouragingly.

I thought for a moment. I didn't actually want to pray about anything right now. Hang on... Maybe I should pray about my bills and installments that were about to be due in a few days. Shit. That would be embarrassing wouldn't it? Hang on. What if...

"Unnie, forgive me for asking... But... Will the prayer be private?" I asked Wendy.

Wendy looked at me for a second before smiling kindly. She placed her hand on my shoulder warmly.

"Of course, Hyejin. Just you and the Pastor... And God. You can ask him to pray about anything for you. There's nothing to be ashamed of," Wendy said kindly.

That wasn't my concern, but I nodded and smiled. I just realised that this was the perfect chance for me to talk to Pastor Nathan privately about last year's incident, and learn more about Yeri's interest in it. Would he be open to answer, though? He couldn't lie, right? He's a pastor after all.

"O... Okay. I think I should do that," I said eventually. Wendy smiled, hugged my arm and pointed to a door next to the stage. "Go to that door and tell the usher that you want to meet Pastor Nathan for prayers. She'll bring you to his office," Wendy said. I nodded, but somehow I was unsure. "I... Is it okay to just come there alone?" I asked tentatively. Wendy and Irene nodded. "Yes of course! It's your personal matter anyway, so you don't want anybody else with you. Hurry! Before the queue gets too long! You can meet us at the cafeteria later," she said as she pushed me.

I looked back at Irene and Wendy, who nodded reassuringly. I chuckled and walked toward the door. Hang on. There would be a queue? A lot of people needed spiritual help nowadays, it seemed so.

I told the usher what Wendy told me, and she graciously brought me to Pastor Nathan's office. Wendy was right. There was a queue of three people in front of the door, it felt like I was about to wait in line for a doctor's appointment. I waited for around ten minutes before it was finally my turn. As the usher opened the door for me, somehow I felt my heart beating faster.

"Good day to you, Sister! Merry Christmas! Come, sit, sit!" said Nathan kindly as I entered his office. "H–Hello, Mogsa-nim," I said. Nathan scoffed and waved his hand. "Please, call me Nathan. And... You are?" he asked me. "Moon Hyejin. I–I'm Wendy's friend," I said. He gasped. "Oh! Yes, yes! Yeri's friend too, right? Wendy told me about you, said you'd come with Yeri and the RV girls to church today! So, how do you like it here at SHSCC?" he asked me. I smiled and nodded. "It was really fun! The worship was so good... And I couldn't believe Taeyeon-ssi and IU-ssi were the ones leading it! And... Your sermon was inspiring," I said, being honest. Nathan smiled and nodded. "I'm glad. I hope you'll visit us regularly with the girls," he said kindly. I nodded.

Nathan smiled silently for a while, before clasping his hands on the table and looking straight at me.

"So... What can I pray for you today?" he asked me sincerely.

I looked down for a second, thinking how I should do this. I wanted to make sure about one thing, first and foremost.

"Pastor, whatever I say here... It will stay in this room, right?" I asked. He nodded and smiled. "Of course. Only us and God will know. I won't tell anyone. You have my word," he said seriously. "Even Wendy-unnie?" I asked him. He chuckled. "Especially Wendy," he said with a smile. "Don't worry, Hyejin-ssi. Your secret is safe."

His words assured me. He was a man of faith anyway. Finally, I decided to just tell him the truth.

"Pastor, I'm... I'm actually not here for prayers," I said. He raised an eyebrow. "Oh? ... What can I do for you, then?" he asked me.

I took a deep breath before speaking, deciding that there was no turning back. I reached into my bag and took out my police badge, placing it on the table before him. His eyes widened as he saw it.

"I'm... I'm actually a Police Detective, from the SMPA. The Red Velvet girls do not know this yet. That's why I asked you if you can keep my secret," I said.

He didn't say anything, only staring at the police badge, so I continued.

"I... I'm in an investigation, and... Well... I'm interested in what happened last year, with YG and Blackpink... And... And you," I said.

Nathan was evidently surprised hearing this. He sat still in his chair, looking straight at my eyes. I met his gaze, trying to look as sincere as possible. He could have backed out and ordered me to leave his office, but he didn't. Instead, he took a deep breath and threw his back on the chair.

"Ah... I guess sins do come back to haunt you after all..." he uttered softly, almost to himself.

I sat silently, waiting for him. Nathan looked up to the ceiling, as if collecting his thoughts, before finally looking back at me.

"I assume you're talking about the day when five major YG investors pulled out their shares from the company and invested in Naver, followed by a few minority shareholders, including myself?" he asked. I nodded. "Yes, Pastor," I said. "What do you want to know about it?" he asked me. I paused before speaking. "Your... Involvement in it," I said directly. Nathan stared at me and sighed. "I guess... I should just tell you the truth. This is my penance for the sins I committed that day," he said slowly.

He took a deep breath, before speaking.

"I was a venture capitalist back then, and I was known as John Cho. At the time, as one of the minority shareholders of YG, it felt like the most logical thing to do, so I did it. I pulled my shares from YG and invested in Naver. I guess God had a different plan, though..." he said sorrowfully. "I lost a lot of money, and... Well... I lost more than just money. It made me realise that money wasn't everything... I began seeking Him, and... Well... Here I am."

So that was his story. But I still had a lot of questions.

"Pastor, but... but... It... It didn't make sense. Why would you do that? YG was–still is–a much bigger company than Naver. Did something happen behind the scenes?" I asked him.

Nathan stared at me. Slowly, he nodded.

"Yes," he said. "Really? What was it? Were you involved in it?" I asked him.

Nathan kept staring at me. He looked deep in thought. Slowly, he shook his head.

"No... I did pull my shares and invested heavily in Naver, but I wasn't... Involved in the thing that made us decide to pull the stocks in the first place," he said slowly.

I sighed. Another dead end. So Nathan only did the logical thing from an investor's point of view, whatever the reason was. But, how could he be so reckless? Surely he knew something, even if he wasn't involved in it.

"Pastor, forgive me for probing... But... What was the thing that happened behind the scenes? You might not be involved in it, but surely you know something about it if you made the decision to pull the shares," I probed.

Nathan looked uncomfortable. He stood up and walked slowly to the windows, looking out. I stared at him silently, waiting for his answer. I decided to push him a little more.

"Did it have something to do with Blackpink?" I asked.

He stayed silent for a while, before taking another deep breath.

"Yes. I was Rosé's boyfriend back then, so I knew. They were... Some of them... Were involved in a scandal. A sexual one.. And... Let's just say it got leaked on VLive Exclusive, a Naver property. Park Manse, one of the five major investors, caught this, and planned to release it as a news story the next day. It would impact YG badly and Naver positively, that's why they did... I did... What we did," he explained.

His words shocked me. A sexual scandal involving Blackpink? That was huge! I wondered which members were involved in it. Hang on. Something didn't add up.

"Pastor, I have one more question," I asked him slowly. "Ask away, Hyeongsa-nim," he said seriously. "How... How did the news end up not being released? Did Blackpink made a deal with the shareholders? Or..." "It's the IPG," he said, cutting me off.

My eyes widened in surprise. IPG. I remembered seeing those letters in the report on Yeri's laptop last night. I stared at him.

"The IPG?" I repeated. He nodded. "Yes. The Idol Protection Group. It's a secret organization, run by senior female idols to protect the younger female idols from abusive bosses," he said seriously.

My mind was blown. A secret organization of idols? Was Yeri part of it? And who were these senior female idols running the IPG?

"Who... Who runs the organization?" I asked. Nathan shook his head. "I don't know. I myself only knew about it after I got together with Wendy and she trusted me. She never told me the details, but... Judging from the power and pull they have in the industry, I assume it must be some of the most prominent idols from either the first or second generation," he said.

So both Yeri and Wendy were members. What about the other girls? This was way more serious than I could ever have imagined. I was looking for answers when I entered his office, but I ended up with more questions instead. Nathan mentioned about 'abusive bosses'. So there had been abuses–possibly sexual abuses–within the K-pop industry? How had that fact never made it to public knowledge... To our knowledge in the police?

"What... What happened to the five major shareholders? I only know they resigned from YG," I asked Nathan. He nodded. "Yeah. Four resigned. Chunghee-ssi, Taewoo-ssi, and Sungho-ssi joined Samsung, YG, and Naver. The only one left in the company... Kwak Jinyoung-ssi... Was demoted. I had not heard from him again since then," he said. I frowned. "You've only mentioned three out of four names who resigned. What about the fourth one? Park... Manse-ssi?" I asked him. He sighed and shook his head. "I don't know. Noone has ever seen or heard from him in the past one and half years. It was as if he disappeared. He was the leader, the one who planned everything. If anyone is responsible, it is him," Nathan said.

So Park Manse was the big fish. I needed to learn more about this guy. I looked up to Nathan. He still fixed his gaze outside the window, looking sorrowful. I was curious about the other loss he mentioned earlier, the one more than money. Was he talking about Rosé? When did they break up?

"Pastor, and... The other loss you mentioned... Was it... Rosé-ssi?" I asked. "Yes. Rosé. She knew of my involvement and... Understandably hurt. We broke up that same night," he said, sounding really sad. "You... You must blame the IPG for your loss," I said slowly.

To my surprise, Nathan shook his head. He turned to look at me and smiled.

"No. What they did was right. I followed the wrong path, and if it was not for what they did, I would still be on that path, maybe even worse than that. Sure, I lost a lot of money, and I lost Rosé too, but, well... I repented, and look where I am now! I'm happy with what I'm doing now..." he said.

I smiled. He did look content now.

"And you have Wendy-unnie," I said. He smiled and nodded. "That's right. I wouldn't trade her for all the money in the world," he said sincerely.

Nathan walked back to his chair and sat. He smiled and looked straight at me, before lifting his arms and closing his eyes.

"Whatever it is you are trying to investigate, Moon-hyeongsa, I wish you all the best. May The Lord bless you with understanding and wisdom, may He make your path straight. In Jesus' Name," he said, blessing me. I bowed and smiled.

"Amen. Thank you, Pastor," I said sincerely.

I knew my time with him was over. I stood up and bowed respectfully. He smiled and walked me to the door.

"I can't believe the RV girls still don't know that you're a detective," he said with a chuckle. I smiled. "Please don't tell them," I pleaded. He nodded. "You have my word," he said with conviction, before smiling, "But you have to keep your act. The girls are really smart, you know." "Well, I have to be a good actress too," I said with a giggle. Nathan chuckled. "I guess so," he said. "Don't worry. You look the part."

He reached for the door handle, but before he opened it, he turned to look at me. I knew a thought had crossed his mind.

"Hyeongsa-nim," he said. "Yes, Pastor?"

He thought for a while, before speaking.

"If you want to know more about the IPG, speak to Kim Yeoni. Jennie's boyfriend," he said. "Oh? Why him?" I asked him. My heart was beating faster. "He knows more than I do. Way more," he said kindly, before adding, "... And you might find something else about him that might interest you."

[shaalk]

Back to you

Type: Oneshot

Characters: Baekhyun X Reader

Genre: Fluff, Romance, Idol AU

Warnings: None

Status: Completed

Summary: Many people find long distance relationships difficult to maintain. But to Baekhyun and I, as long as both parties put in effort, nothing is impossible.

Words: 1372

I sigh in relief when the elevator doors slide open to reveal my front door. 

It had been an utterly tiring day at work. I couldn’t wait to shower, order some junk food and watch a movie. 

Thankfully it is Friday already. I literally cannot wait to spend my weekend lazing around in my apartment. A Netflix and chill-by-myself weekend plan formulates in my head and I am excited to put it into play.

Since the big office relocation is coming up, I have been making the final few confirmations so that the move can begin without any mishaps. With me running back and forth between the old and new office multiple times a day to review interior designs and other decisions, it is truly a blessing that I have managed to arrive home before 9pm, when I had been knocking off past midnight the last month.

As soon as I am in my apartment, I all but throw my bag onto the sofa and shrug off my clothes immediately, wanting to take a warm shower to relax my body. 

I turn on my 90s music playlist and am just about to step into the shower when my doorbell rings. I sigh in annoyance.

I was so close to paradise! 

Well, my definition of paradise at least. I quickly throw on my bathrobe and head to the door.

I look through the peephole to only see a bunch of flowers. Unconsciously, a smile makes its way onto my face. 

My boyfriend sends me flowers sometimes, especially when he finds out that I am stressed from work or am feeling lonely, and they have never failed to cheer me up. 

Once again, he has worked his magic because I can already feel some of the fatigue and stress leaving my body.

I unlock the door quickly, excited to receive my boyfriend’s gift but before I can reach out to grab the bouquet, it is lowered and I find myself face-to-face with the person I want to see the most.

“Oh my god, Baekhyun!” I squeal and pull my boyfriend towards me for a hug.

The male wraps his free arm around my waist and lifts me up so that I am perched on his hips. My legs automatically wrap themselves around his body, not wanting to fall. I nuzzle my nose into his neck to take in the favourite scent I had been away from for too long.

I hear Baekhyun chuckle huskily. Unknowingly, tears start to form in my eyes. I really missed him.

I feel Baekhyun manoeuvre us into my apartment and kick the front door shut with his foot. He then proceeds to remove his shoes, all while he is still carrying me. 

Once he puts on a pair of house slippers, Baekhyun trudges further into my apartment and plops me down onto my kitchen counter. He pulls me away from his neck to take a good look at my face.

“Hi, love,” he coos.

I feel my insides churn and a smile instantly plays on my lips. I can’t help myself when I pull him by the neck to plant pecks on his lips. 

Baekhyun just giggles in response, letting me have my way with him. He was never one to complain when he’s getting a bunch kisses from me.

He then hands me the pretty bouquet. I thank him and took a proper look at the flowers. 

It is the exact bouquet I had been gushing about on my Instagram story almost a week ago. He had gotten the same one for me! I can't believe Baekhyun actually saw the post despite his busy schedule. 

My boyfriend is such a sweetheart!

I set the flowers down beside me.

“Thank you so much for the pretty flowers baby. But what are you doing here Baek? I thought you had a schedule today?” I ask, worried that he might get scolded by his manager or the company. 

Baekhyun grins in triumph at the fact that I know his agenda for the day. He doesn't usually update me about his schedules. However, I make it a point to keep myself updated with the help of his fanbases and his company’s website just to know what my boyfriend is up to and where in the world he is.

“I got tired of seeing you through video calls, so I decided to come see you in person,” he says passingly with a shrug, like he has the luxury to do this every time. 

I have to purse my lips to control the big and goofy smile that is about to spread across my face. I can feel my heart beating wildly because of Baekhyun's mushy confession. 

But I am still concerned that he might get into trouble. 

Baekhyun must have caught my worried expression because he continues, “also, Exo got a week off from work so I decided to come spend time with my favourite girl.”

I squeal in delight and do a mini celebration dance while I am still seated on the counter. 

As an idol, Baekhyun rarely gets off days and even when he does, they are only for a day or two. Since my job is based in Singapore, it is basically impossible for us to meet each other during his off days. We are only able to spend an extended period of time together when I visit him in Korea during the holiday season every year. Even still, we couldn’t spend a whole day together since the end-of-year period meant that Baekhyun would be busy with award ceremonies and concerts.

We usually only had a few hours a day with each other and those were before Baekhyun had to go to work and after he came back from work. Most of the time, Baekhyun's schedules started really early in the morning so I try my very best to wake up with him just so we can have breakfast and spend a little more time together.

That is saying a lot since I am not an early bird.

Spending a whole day with Baekhyun was something I had always wished for. But now, knowing that I will have Baekhyun to myself for a whole week is literally a dream come true. 

Not wanting Baekhyun’s holiday to go to waste, I start listing all the things we can do and places of interest we can visit. 

Of course Baekhyun has been to Singapore multiple times. But those trips were only for work purposes. The few places he was able to see properly were the airport, his hotel room and the concert venue. 

Considering that I have been working in Singapore for almost three years now, it is technically a second home to me. I want Baekhyun to be able to explore his girlfriend's 'hometown' and take in all the pretty sights that I have grown to fall in love with.

I am in the middle of rambling to Baekhyun about some of the must-try food in Singapore when he silences me with a finger to my lips. I raise my eyebrows in question. 

I still have so many more places to recommend him!

“Sweetheart, let’s plan the itinerary another time. Oppa flew here to see his baby girl, not the attractions. I just really want to spend time with my girlfriend first, hmm? I missed you so much!” Baekhyun confesses as he leaves a plethora of kisses on my cheeks. 

I blush and let out a squeak of acknowledgement.

“Now, it looks like you were getting ready to take a shower. Luckily, your handsome boyfriend needs one too after that super long plane ride. So, how about, we save water and shower together?” He proposes with a twinkle of mischief in his eyes. 

I am pretty sure taking a shower isn’t the only thing we will be doing in the bathroom, but I have no qualms against his offer.

I guffaw with laughter but agree with him anyway. 

Baekhyun immediately pulls off his shirt and flings it across the kitchen. He then picks me up bridal style and runs to the shower, leaving me in a fit of giggles at his eagerness.

It’s great to be back in Byun Baekhyun’s arms.

A/N: Let me know what you think! Please drop a comment :)

[inspired-by-the-music]

For You: Stand By Me

Taglist: @jineunwootrash @angels-from-california @jayjaydawn

If you would like to be added to the taglist of any of this blog’s works, please ask!

Recommended Reading: For You: 4 O’Clock; these works have separate, independent, but deeply interwoven timelines.

Chapter 10: The Flower Who Bloomed in April

Sehun’s POV

Once upon a time, in a year I can’t remember, Lei wrote a note for my birthday that claimed, “All flowers bloom in April.” I guess I’m somewhat inclined to agree. That idea breaks through all of my thoughts and colors them a faint pink whenever winter melts into spring and all of nature seems to celebrate us. 

I was considering that old note while pulling my car into the driveway of Lei’s house, which was too big for just her and her mother. 

“What is this place?” Chanyeol asked, eyes bulging out of their sockets. 

Aware that he wouldn’t rest until he received an answer, I said, “It’s Lei’s house,” and braced myself for his predictable (but still annoying) jokes. 

Chanyeol almost laughed, and he reached over to ruffle my hair like I was a child. “I should have known that you’d have to visit your little girlfriend!”

The tips of my ears burned as I gnawed on my cheek. I didn’t say anything at first. After the incident at the SM Town concert when I made Lei cry, I decided to just let Chanyeol say whatever he wanted as long as she couldn’t hear. I decided not to waste my energy arguing with him. 

I swallowed the uncomfortable lump in my throat. “I told you to drive yourself to your little fling’s house if you didn’t want to make stops.” 

Chanyeol watched me grab the small gift box— which I asked Junmyeon to wrap— from the center console. I watched the smirk curl his lips with the realization, “Oh! It’s the princess’s birthday!” He cheered like he cared. “How old is she now?” 

When I didn’t dignify him with a response as I forced the box into the pocket of my loose jeans, Chanyeol started to count the years aloud. “Okay, so if you’re turning 23 in two days, that must mean—” 

“Eighteen,” I spoke flatly. “Lei is eighteen.”

“Eighteen,” Chanyeol repeated in a low whistle. “That’s crazy! You know, if we were in America, she would officially be an adult now.” 

I squirmed in my seat. “Well, we’re not in America,” I reminded him. I told his obnoxious skeptical expression, “And it doesn’t matter how old she is. I’m not holding my breath until she’s an adult because, like I’ve told you a thousand times, we’re just friends.” 

I almost said, “We’ll always be just friends,” but it didn’t seem like the right thing to say. Always— never— those words didn’t sound right about Lei except to say that I would always want to be good to her. 

“I really don’t understand you.” Chanyeol drummed his fingers on the center console. “Doesn’t it kinda annoy you that there is only one girl who hasn’t been deterred by your resting bitch face—” I narrowed my eyes, and Chanyeol nodded— “yeah, that one!”

I rolled my eyes. 

“Doesn’t it bother you that the only girl you’ve never run from— the only girl you’ve ever loved— is too young to be, like, your soulmate or something?” 

“No,” I answered honestly, “because I don’t believe in soulmates.” 

Probably because I didn’t deny loving Lei, Chanyeol’s jaw dropped. Once I believed that love is just wanting what’s best for someone, it wasn’t hard to admit that I loved Lei. I decided that it would be a shame to allow Chanyeol’s jokes or misunderstandings to pervert something so wholesome. 

Although it wasn’t any of his business, I explained, “I’m not here to celebrate Lei’s passage into American adulthood or whatever the hell you’re thinking. Her Mom is still managing Super Junior’s tour abroad, so I promised Donghae that I wouldn’t let her be lonely all day.” 

“What, so you’re gonna invite her to tag along with us again?” Almost a decade had passed since I took Lei to the Sanrio store for her tenth birthday, but Chanyeol clung to his grudge against us as if we left him alone in the arcade just yesterday. 

I frowned at his childishness. “I doubt that Lei wants to waste her birthday by tagging along on our two-hour drive to your fling’s apartment. I’m just gonna give her a gift—”

“A kiss?” Chanyeol puckered his lips and made disgustingly exaggerated smacking sounds. He laughed while dodging my half-hearted attempt to swat at him. 

I didn’t tell Chanyeol that I had gotten Lei a cherry blossom charm because then I would have had to tell him about the charm bracelet I got for her debut, and then he would joke about that too. I wasn’t a sensitive sort of guy— not usually, anyway— but I liked to avoid as many Lei jokes as possible. 

I continued, “After I give her the gift, I’ll come right back out. Then I’ll drop you off at what’s-her-name’s place, and—”

“You should stick around,” Chanyeol urged for the thousandth time. “My girl has a friend, and—”

For the thousandth time, I responded, “I’m not interested.” 

Chanyeol knew that I was opposed to dating even in the most casual sense of the word, yet he kept encouraging me to meet people who I didn’t want to meet. He kept encouraging me to kiss people I didn’t want to kiss— people who I could probably never develop any real attachment to— people who could probably never develop any real attachment to me. No matter how many times I swore that I wasn’t lonely— and even if I was, shallow physical relationships would fail to fill any void— he didn’t get I didn’t want to open myself up to women who would only ever be strangers. 

Maybe I wasn’t opposed to falling in love with somebody who knew me and accepted me, but I was opposed to taking that first step into the unknown. Furthermore, I knew that I wouldn’t find my soulmate— if such a person existed despite my disbelief— through Chanyeol’s hookups. 

Don’t misunderstand. I didn’t care that Chanyeol and others tried to fill their voids with people. It’s up to others to behave and experience life as they see fit. It’s not my place to determine whether their relationships are truly fulfilling. It’s just— I knew that kind of thing wasn’t for me. I had never experienced love at first sight, and I doubted very much whether it existed, and it was always clear to me that if I were ever to ‘find love’ — well, love would have to find me because I would never look first, especially not with everyone watching. 

“I’m tired,” I said, and it wasn’t technically a lie, “so as soon as I drop you off, I’m going home.” 

“Whatever.” Chanyeol shrugged. “If you ask me—”

Figuring that he, like Junmyeon, would try to impress upon me the importance of companionship, I said, “I’m not.” 

Chanyeol continued anyway. “This is all a waste of time. I doubt that kid—” he was referring to Lei— “is lonely. I bet that boy with the big head—” he was referring to Lucas— “is in that giant ass mansion with her, eating cake, watching cartoons, or making out on the couch since the Super Junior dudes aren’t around to scare them apart.”

With his words, Chanyeol painted a vivid picture that I couldn’t quite erase from my mind. My stomach turned with my failed efforts, so I reminded myself aloud, “They’re just friends.” 

“Believe what you want,” Chanyeol scoffed, “but something is going on. How else is our little princess wrapping him and you and who knows who else around her finger?” 

“Just shut up and wait here.” I jumped out of my seat and slammed the door behind me before Chanyeol could say anything else to convince me to punch his face. 

He rolled his window down to yell, “Jealousy is not becoming, Sehun!” 

For the sake of preserving our friendship, I pretended not to hear him as I climbed the stairs and rang the doorbell. After minutes passed with no response, I figured that Lei had gone out with some friends. Although she claimed Lucas as the only cure for her loneliness, she had surged in popularity among other idols, so she could have been out with anybody. Pushing through my disappointment, I reached for my phone to text her and arrange some other time to meet— probably on my birthday. 

Then, before I could press send, her voice beckoned from the other side of the door, “It’s open! Come in!” 

She didn’t even ask me to identify myself. What if I was some crazed fan? Because it was her birthday, I suppressed my worry with the reminder that I wasn’t a crazed fan. I wasn’t a stranger. There was no real harm in trusting me. 

Still, if she was going to be irresponsible while her Mom and Super Junior were away, I would have to appoint myself as her protector. I would have to drive by to check on her every day until their return; the daily check-in texts would do little to prevent her from inviting strangers into the house.

Nothing in Lei’s tone— except for the giggles, I realize in hindsight— prepared me for what I found behind the door. On the white couch, as if positioned to greet anyone who entered with a scene from nightmares, Lei was pinned under Lucas while SpongeBob played on the widescreen television. I tried to fix my gaze on the scattered cupcake wrappers on the coffee table, but I couldn’t. The scene wouldn’t have been so revolting if a.) Chanyeol hadn’t predicted it, b.) Lucas hadn’t been shirtless, and c.) Lei hadn’t been too busy giving Lucas her brightest smile to notice me, frowning in the doorway. 

Maybe it’s best that she didn’t catch me staring at them. Maybe it’s best that she didn’t notice me until I regained my outward composure. 

Once I realized that I was witnessing the last thing I ever wanted to see— what I was afraid happened behind closed doors— my heavy gaze crashed somewhere around my feet. In the reflective hardwood floor, I met my own downcast expression. Although I wanted nothing more than to forget how I looked in that moment, I couldn’t turn my head or raise my eyes without confronting the fear— the reality— of seeing Lei so close to, so engrossed with someone who—

Someone who wasn’t me.

My stomach lurched so violently with that thought that I gagged. I rushed to pack that thought, which was too jealous, selfish, embarrassing, and inappropriate to embrace, into a box in a dark corner of my mind where I could never find it again. The problem was that no matter how I tried to avoid that dark corner, I always wandered there with my eyes closed. The thought was strong enough to escape from its box, and it was smart enough to find me, and it was quick enough to chase me, and I was stupid enough to keep running long after it caught me. 

I thought that my burning face, which must have been red, could have been cooled by the spring breeze. I thought that I would stop falling— I would stop sinking if I didn’t have to stand in the same room as their laughter. I would have bolted out of the house and away from the spiraling emotions that I never, never expected to experience, but I was paralyzed by Lei’s giggles filling the static air. I was numb with the desire to hear them still, even when I wasn’t the cause. Even when I needed to, I couldn’t walk away. 

For a second, I think, my heart stopped. Once it started pounding again, I found the voice to ask, “What’s going on here?” It was lucky that anger— not whatever sadness nagged from that dark corner of my mind— was the primary emotion in my voice. At least, that’s what I told myself. 

They stared at me with identical slackjawed, wide-eyed expressions, and I had to roll my eyes because the only alternative was to cry or something. I didn’t cry. 

“Hey, Sehun!” Lei turned her smile to me, and I eagerly accepted what I couldn’t return until she hissed, “Get off, Lucas! Don’t you have any idea how bad this looks?”

Was it right to be proud of her for abandoning her laughter for the warning scowl that darkened her features? Was I proud of being the person who, by my voice or presence, forced that distance between her and others— even people like Lucas who I knew were good? Even when I reminded myself that I was just protecting her, I was stiff with guilt. It was my first time feeling that way. I didn’t like it. 

“I don’t care how it looks!” Lucas transformed into a little kid when he pouted. He almost looked like Lei used to look. “Just lay still, and let me finish—”

“She said to get off,” I growled at Lucas, knowing that he wasn’t trying to cross inappropriate boundaries. He was completely innocent— almost to the point of stupidity— and I was perverting the situation by assuming the worst. 

Lucas didn’t argue with me, though. He didn’t assert himself. He raised his hands in surrender, mouth falling open, and that’s when I saw that he was holding a black marker. That’s when I realized that I hadn’t interrupted any romantic moment. It was all a misunderstanding. 

So why didn’t I feel better? Was the thought, the misunderstanding, the imagination that Lei had been close to somebody else terrible enough to ruin the day? 

Lucas climbed off of her and stood straight as if to boast the handwriting (which I recognized as Lei’s) sprawled across his chest reading: LEICAS 4 EVA. Leicas— the word fans used to refer to their friendship and alleged romantic attraction. How foolish to make light of such rumors that could damage their reputations. 

When Lei stood next to Lucas, I saw not only a tattoo identical to Lucas’s on her stomach, exposed under her white cropped shirt. Bright tattoos marked every inch of skin on her arms, legs, and even on much of her face. On one cheek was a sparkling silver heart drawn around the name Baek, penned by Baekhyun, no doubt. On the other was a larger, sloppier heart drawn around the name Ten. How childish. 

As if attracted to the chance to deepen my scowl, Chanyeol barreled through the door. “Sehun, you promised you’d be right back! You said—” He fell silent at the sight of Lei. “What the hell happened to you, Princess?”

A blush broke out across the bridge of her nose as she scratched at the back of her neck. “Minseokie bought temporary tattoo markers and handed them out to all of the party guests so they could give me tattoos for my birthday! Apparently, he saw something in a movie, and—”

I blurted, “What the hell kind of movies is Minseok watching?” 

And Chanyeol blurted, “Party guests?” 

And Lucas told him, “Everyone’s out by the pool! Lei turns eighteen today!”

Chanyeol turned to me with a sick smirk as he repeated, “Eighteen, huh?”

I would have glared at him had I been able to tear my eyes away from Lei. Even while I glared at every mark on her body, I knew that the rage fuelling my every thought was an overreaction. I knew that I shouldn’t have wanted to scold Minseok for encouraging Baekhyun, Ten, Lucas, and everyone else at the party to make their mark on Lei. 

“Come here!” Chanyeol called her toward us, holding his hand out for Lucas to give him the marker. 

Because Lei and Lucas were foolish enough to obey, I had to intervene before Chanyeol could join the trend of writing on her. He probably would have written some insult on her skin for everyone to see, so I didn’t feel bad about snatching the marker and stuffing it into my pocket. “She’s a girl, not a piece of paper.”

“Come on, Sehun!” Chanyeol whined at my reaction before another smirk twisted his lips. “You’ll get your turn to mark the birthday girl!”

Lucas’s jaw dropped, and Lei grimaced, and I would have yelled at Chanyeol myself if Lei hadn’t beat me to it. 

“Way to make it pervy, Chanyeol!” She rolled her eyes at him as she crossed her arms. When she rounded on her bare heels, deliberately whipping her ponytail, I caught the bright pink lettering on her shoulder reading, quite simply, “Yuta’s.” Something about that made my blood boil. 

“Hey!” Kyungsoo’s deep voice preceded him. He stomped into the living room carrying a tray of uncooked meat and pointed his glare at me and Chanyeol. “Who invited you two?”

While I wondered just how many boys lurked around Lei’s house, Chanyeol retorted, “Well, it wasn’t you, Minseok, or Baekhyun!”

Kyungsoo didn’t bat an eyelash at Chanyeol’s harsh tone. Grinning faintly as he met Lei’s eyes, he shrugged. “Nobody ever invites Baekhyun, but he somehow manages to crash every party.”

Although nobody was looking at him, let alone talking to him, Lucas lowered his sunglasses over his eyes and chirped, “I like Baekhyun!”

“Anyway—” Kyungsoo resumed glaring at me and Chanyeol after smiling at Lucas— “I’m not going to allow you two to ruin the perfect pool party that Minseok and I planned for months at Manager Kim’s request!”

“Yeah?” Chanyeol’s eyes narrowed at Kyungsoo. “Well, we didn’t want to come to this stupid party anyway! Come on, Sehun!” He wrapped his hand around my arm and tried to pull me out the door that he left open, but I wouldn’t budge. 

Tugging out of Chanyeol’s grip, momentarily forcing myself to pretend that others weren’t watching, I met Lei’s gaze head-on and said, “I didn’t mean to crash your party. I only wanted to tell you happy birthday. I didn’t mean—”

I didn’t mean to slip into a fight, but I didn’t say that. 

“I didn’t know—”

When I pulled into the driveway, I didn’t know that I was walking into a situation where I would have to compete with Lucas and Baekhyun and Ten and Minseok and Kyungsoo and Yuta and who knows who else for her attention. Obviously, I didn’t say that either. 

Chewing on my tongue, burning under everyone’s stares, I wheezed, “I’m sorry.” That was all I said those days. It never got easier. 

Tugging at the ribbon in her hair, Lei said, “It’s okay, Sehun,” even though it wasn’t— even though my apology was incoherent. She tried to bite her smile as she said, “You can stay if you’re not busy.” I couldn’t understand why she wouldn’t smile at me if she wanted to. 

I would have dropped everything, said anything, done anything to inspire her to give me the smile that always used to be mine, but Chanyeol tried to speak on my behalf again. 

Hands on his hips and thoroughly unapologetic, Chanyeol said, “Sorry to break it to ya, Princess, but your Prince Charming promised to drive me across town to meet up with my girl.” 

“Your girl?” Kyungsoo and Lucas parroted. Lucas spoke with an open-mouthed grin, and (beneath his sunglasses) hearts probably gathered in his eyes. Meanwhile, Kyungsoo spoke through a tense frown, eyes devoid of everything but sheer annoyance. 

For the first time I could remember, Lei was the first to look away. “Hey,” I said so quietly that nobody else in the room noticed. Lei heard, though, and she looked up instantly despite the distance between us. I said, “Don’t worry. I only make cross-town trips for true love.” 

Her smile inspired my own even after Chanyeol focused his glare on me. I tossed my keys to him. “Feel free to take my car or call an Uber or something.” 

“Are you serious?” He gawked at me when I nodded my head. “You’re staying? Just because she asked you to?”

Meeting Lei’s smile, I reasoned, “It’s her birthday,” but I knew that I would have done anything she asked any day of the year. Maybe that wasn’t how things had always been— or maybe it was— but I decided once and for all that I would be responsible for as many smiles as possible from then on.

As if he heard my silent vow, Chanyeol shook his head before shouting, “Well, I’m not staying!” He slammed the door on his way out. 

When Lei winced at the sound, Lucas threw a protective arm around her shoulders. Watching her lean into his embrace, I wondered if she would have been comfortable enough to lean on me if I were the one standing by her side. Knowing that I would never reach out to her first, I tried to comfort her from afar by reminding her that she didn’t have to care about Chanyeol’s outburst. 

I didn’t get the chance to say anything. Kyungsoo filled the silence. “If you’re going to stay, Sehun, do me a favor. Grab the other tray off the kitchen counter. And Lei—” his entire face changed— brightened— when he said her name. I wondered if I ever looked that happy when I said it. “Can you grab the cup of sliced watermelon and give it to Mark?”

Stepping out of Lucas’s embrace, Lei winked at Kyungsoo and saluted him. “You got it, Soo!”

Because he was usually opposed to being called anything other than Kyungsoo or D.O., I almost expected him to correct her or at least tell her not to wink at him. He didn’t. Kyungsoo winked back at her. “Lucas, can you come open the back door for me?”

Lucas ran to help Kyungsoo, and I followed Lei as she skipped into the kitchen. She spun behind the counter, grabbed the clear plastic cup containing sliced watermelon, and— after popping a piece into her mouth— caught me staring at her. Eyes widening, she held the cup out to me and offered through her mouthful, “Want one?”

I shook my head, and she shrugged, giggling, “Your loss, Sehun!”

She was set to dash out the back door, but she stopped when I asked, “Why don’t I have a nickname?”

“What?” She blinked at me, smile fading until I grinned at her. With my encouragement, she smiled that genuine smile that deepened her laugh lines and wrinkled her eyes. 

“You call Minseok ‘Minseokie,’ Kyungsoo ‘Soo,’ and Baekhyun—” I pointed to the silver heart on her cheek— “‘Baek.’ So why am I just plain old Sehun?”

“I dunno.” She furrowed her brow and looked up at me. “What do you want me to call you?”

I mimicked her tone. “I dunno. I can’t come up with my own nickname, Lei.”

She pointed out, “You don’t call me by any nickname either. Chanyeol calls me ‘kid,’ and ‘princess,’ but you’ve always called me Lei.”

As if she didn’t know, I told her, “Chanyeol calls you those things just to be an asshole.” 

She playfully gasped, “Language, Sehun!” She swatted at me and laughed when I cried out in exaggerated pain. 

To get our conversation back on track, I said, “Everyone else calls you Lei.”

She said, “Well, you’re not everyone else to me, Sehun,” with such an emphasis on my name that I swear I felt it all at once— every emotion she ever spent on me. To this day, I haven’t stopped feeling it. 

Trying to distract myself, I reached for the other tray that Kyungsoo piled high with meat. I tried not to cringe when I confessed, “I’ll always call you Lei because it’s the prettiest name I’ve ever heard.” And while she was busy gawking at me, I took the chance to run away in the futile hope of escaping further embarrassment. 

I have always regretted leaving Lei alone in the kitchen because of how nearly impossible it was to get her attention outside where NCT boys seemed to multiply by the second. After dropping the tray off with Kyungsoo, who manned the grill while wearing a novelty apron whose punchline made no sense, I sat back in a lounge chair under an orange umbrella and tried to calm the weird palpitations in my chest. 

From that chair, I watched Minseok make his rounds around the pool with a handheld camcorder. A smile grew on his face when we locked eyes, and he almost tackled one of the NCT kids— Taeyong, I think— on his way over to me. 

Holding the camera just inches from my face, he asked, “Is there anything you wanna say to the birthday girl?”

I stuttered, “Um— happy birthday— Minseok, what are you doing?”

“I’m immortalizing the best pool party ever!” He whirled around to capture footage of Johnny leaping off of the diving board. “Oh, look!” He whirled around again to record Lei walking out of the house, cup of watermelon in hand. “Here comes the birthday girl!”

Her surprised expression was short-lived. Her free hand waved to the camera as she asked, “Aren’t you hot, Sehun?”

As a matter of fact, even when shielded by the umbrella, I was in danger of sweating to death. Still, I politely shook my head. “I’m fine, birthday girl.” 

“You’re supposed to always call me Lei, remember?” Lei teased, and — of course— Minseok cackled as he filmed my resulting blush. “Seriously, Sehun, if you’re hot, you can borrow some swim trunks from Lucas’s room and jump in the pool.”

I repeated, “Lucas’s room?” but Lei didn’t respond, and Minseok didn’t film my stunned reaction because he was too focused on the boy who approached Lei. 

“Whatcha doing there, Ten?” She took a cautious step away from him, and he batted his eyelashes as he smiled at her. 

“Turn around, Lei,” he bossed. “I wanna give you another tattoo.” 

Her bangs fell into her eyes when she shook her head. Cupping her cheek, she replied, “I think you gave me enough of a token to remember this day by, thanks.” 

Minseok, Ten, and I snorted. 

“I’m being serious this time,” Ten swore, smile melting into an earnest expression that almost anyone would fall for. “Turn around, and I’ll give you a serious tattoo.”

Lei rubbed the base of ner neck and averted her gaze from him. She said nothing until I urged, seeing that curious spark in her eyes, “Go for it.” She and Ten turned to face me, and I promised, “If he draws something stupid, I’ll mark it out.”

Ten brandished a glittering sky blue marker, and Lei turned her back to him with a weary sigh. “If you draw something stupid, Ten, I’ll kick your ass.” 

“Yeah, yeah.” Ten grabbed Lei by the waist to pull her closer. When he glanced over at me and caught my cautionary scowl, he smirked. “You and your boyfriend have me absolutely terrified, Lei. I’ll be a good boy.”

“Boyfriend?” Lei repeated in a gasp. She looked back at Ten, followed his gaze to me, and went pink in the face. “Oh.” A tiny smile played on her lips after she looked away from me. She never reacted that way when people mistook Lucas for her boyfriend. “Get your facts straight, Ten. Sehun is my Guardian Angel. Don’t taint our pure loving friendship with your filthy mind.”

Minseok repeated, “Guardian Angel,” looking to me for a reaction. I shrugged and looked away from him, but my smile spoke for itself. 

“Oh, I see.” Ten nodded, still smirking. “How sweet. Anyway, what do you want me to draw?”

Lei shrugged. “You’re the artist, aren’t ya?”

“Well, you didn’t like my last masterpiece.” Ten traced his thumb over his heart on her cheek and laughed when she swatted him away. “So help me out a bit here. What’s your favorite thing in the world?”

Again, Lei shrugged, and Ten turned to me. “Well, what do you think, Guardian Angel? What’s Lei’s favorite thing?”

I didn’t have to glance up to see its faint shape in the sky to know the answer. “The moon.” 

“How ‘bout it, Lei?” Ten barely glanced at her smile before penning a small crescent moon on the nape of her neck. After dropping the marker into the pocket of his black swim trunks, he puckered his lips to blow air on the tattoo. 

Before I could scold him (and Minseok for filming such promiscuity) Lei rounded on Ten. “That wasn’t a part of the deal, you pervert!” 

The flames in her eyes should have scalded him, but Ten didn’t flinch as he hummed, “I dunno what you’re talking about, silly.” He was bold enough to smile at her, and something about that gesture slightly quelled the fire in her eyes. “I was just helping the ink dry!”

Unconvinced, Lei blinked at him, and Ten winked at her before strutting away. Peering into Minseok’s camera, she griped, “The nerve of some boys!” and giggled before walking off, I assumed, to find Mark and give him the cup of sliced watermelon. 

I swear, Minseok winked at me before he left in pursuit of the next exciting exchange to immortalize on tape. As I sat back in my chair, trying to come to terms with the fact that I had just watched somebody flirt with Lei out in the open, Lucas crash-landed into the chair nearest to me. 

The chair was far away enough that he had to raise his voice to talk to me. “If you’re hot, you can get some swim trunks out of my room.”

“Your room?” I raised an eyebrow at him, but he wasn’t looking at me.

“Yep.” He rested his hands behind his head. “My room has an Avengers poster on the door, so—”

I interrupted to ask, “You have a bedroom in Lei’s house?”

Lucas nodded like it wasn’t a big deal. When I rolled my eyes and started slipping into annoyance, Lucas swore, “My intentions— they’re still friendly.”

Flatly, I told him, “Friends usually don’t move in together as teenagers.” I don’t know how true that is, but I believed it when I said it. 

“Then maybe my intentions are — what’s the word? — familial.” 

When I didn’t respond except to cross my arms over my chest, Lucas leaned over his seat to whisper— if you can really call it a whisper when he talked so loudly, “There is nobody here that you should be jealous of. We’re all friends, and everyone knows that Lei is totally hot—” I grimaced— “and sure, some of us are dumb enough to try to take a shot with her, but we all know about her dating ban. We all know that she would only make an exception for one person. None of us have been dumb enough to believe even for a second that the exception would be us.”

I started to tell him that I wasn’t jealous of anybody, but the words died in my mouth when I caught him looking at me over his glasses as if to imply that I was the one for whom she would cast aside logic and principles. 

Although Lucas hadn’t said so explicitly, I hissed, “You should do a better job of guarding her secrets.” 

Leaning back into his seat, he replied, “She doesn’t consider her feelings for you a secret.”

I couldn’t argue because he was right. As if it were all too easy— as if she couldn’t keep the words to herself— as if she didn’t want to leave the words unsaid— she told me, “You’re the handsomest person I’ve ever seen,” and “I haven’t outgrown my crush on you,” and, “I love you,” and she said my name in that way that made my heart swell, and—

I almost think that if somebody loves you the way Lei loved me, you have to surrender to love too. Maybe not at first, maybe not all at once, but eventually all of those years of being loved so completely, so unconditionally— they surrounded me, and maybe I didn’t want them to end. 

In that moment when I couldn’t quite admit that I would also make an exception for one person, I could admit that if Lei wanted to love me where the whole world could watch— if she wanted to follow me again— if she wanted to hold my hand in the dark again— if she wanted to lean on my shoulder and trust me with all of her troubles again— if she wanted to take the first step toward me, I would never again try to stop her. 

I was distracted from my romantic thoughts by an ear-splitting scream, a loud splash, and Lucas scrambling to sit upright in his chair and yell, “Dude, Johnny, Lei can’t swim!”

I could only shake my head. How stupid to live in a house with a huge pool without learning to swim. Obviously, I set aside my frustration and fascination that Lei had lived through childhood to jump out of my chair. I would have dove into the pool— wearing my jeans with my phone and her gift tucked into the pockets— but I stood still once Lei resurfaced, clinging to Johnny. They laughed so hard that water shot out of their noses. 

Once I sat back in my seat and started to catch my breath, I mentally cursed Lei for being so irresponsible. Maybe she could stand to be careless enough to laugh in the face of near-death, but I couldn’t stand to watch it. If I was going to love her— out loud or in that dark corner of my mind— she needed to be more careful for my sake. 

As soon as she found her footing in the shallow waters, she struck Johnny’s arm once, twice, three times until— still laughing— he finally released her from his embrace and allowed her to climb out of the water. 

Staring down at him from higher ground, she yelled, “You ruined my shirt, Johnny!” And she wasn’t wrong. The white cropped top— now translucent— clung to her body like a second skin. 

“Sorry!” Johnny grinned at her, and— again— the rage in her eyes was extinguished. “I didn’t really think about that when I pulled you into the water.” Johnny was polite enough to train his eyes on her face, but I noticed that many of the other boys allowed their eyes to drift lower. 

Lei must have noticed too. After sticking her tongue out at Johnny, earning more of his boisterous laughter, she retreated to an abandoned corner by the pool. After ensuring that nobody was watching, she peeled off the white shirt to reveal the top half of her black bathing suit. Somehow, to my disappointment, all of her tattoos remained intact after being submerged in water. 

From his place in the center of the pool, where he laid in a pink donut-shaped inner tube, Baekhyun whistled, “Take it off, Lei!”

When all heads turned to her at Baekhyun’s urging, she pressed the soaked shirt flat against her chest and dashed toward me and Lucas. It was kind of funny, charming in a way, that she could be so modest at a pool party where everyone— excluding me, Kyungsoo, and Minseok— was proudly shirtless. 

Lucas said, “She’s really something, isn’t she?” 

My face burned scarlet with the realization that anybody could have caught me staring at her. Anybody could have misinterpreted my motivations. Before I could say anything to Lucas, Lei was in earshot. I had to swallow my embarrassment. 

“Move over, Lucas,” she wheezed, standing over him. When he only grunted in response, she frowned and climbed over one of his legs— which were placed on either side of the chair— to sit between them. She crossed her legs and turned her back to the pool. 

“Are you asleep or something?” Lei leaned forward to lift his sunglasses, but Lucas swatted her hand away. 

“No,” he answered, “I’m just trying to relax, and—” Lei lifted his sunglasses anyway, and Lucas whined, “back up, dude! You’re dripping pool water all over me!”

“Boohoo,” Lei mocked, poking her bottom lip into a pout. “I just got yanked into the pool by goofball Johnny, and then Baekhyun saw my bathing suit, and—”

“Dude.” Lucas’s calm voice thawed the anxiety etched into Lei’s features. More than ever, it was clear why they were close. “You look great! Calm down a bit.”

Lei raised her eyebrows uncertainly, tracing one of the tattoos on her thigh. “Really? You think I look great?”

Something about that bothered me. Did Lei have no idea that she was beautiful? Did the voices of those bullies from her trainee days still follow her? Had she fallen into the trap of reading online hate comments? 

I didn’t know, and I never would have known how to approach the topic. I never would have known how to convince her that she was radiant inside and out. I get that beauty is usually one of those subjective concepts, but, objectively, Lei was beautiful. Anyone could have seen it from her ability to draw everyone’s attention without saying a word. 

“Yeah!” Lucas assured her with a smile. “Who knows how many people were checking you out!”

I knew that he was eyeing me behind his reflective lenses, so my eyes darted away from their scene to look up at the sky. 

Lei clicked her tongue. “I don’t want people to check me out—”

Before she could finish her complaint and I could feel culpable for my part in making her so neurotic, Kyungsoo tripped toward us, flip-flops slapping against the wet pavement. “I heard a scream and a splash and Baekhyun’s whistle! I would have come to check on you earlier, but the pork— I—” His eyebrows twitched as he took in Lei’s disheveled appearance. “What happened to you?”

Lei seemed reluctant to fuel Kyungsoo’s protective rage. She passed her shirt to Lucas and mumbled, “Wring that out, please.” 

I knew that Kyungsoo would stand there, crossing his arms and tapping his foot, until he received an answer, and then lunch would never be finished. Stomach growling, I rose to my feet, grabbed the towel that was draped over the back of my chair, and took a protective stance behind Lei to shield her from curious stares drifting her way from the pool. 

Dropping the folded towel onto Lei’s lap, I told Kyungsoo, “Johnny pulled Lei into the deep end of the pool, and—”

“WHAT?” Kyungsoo’s face went white before burning crimson. “But Lei can’t swim!”

Lei forced a smile. “I’m okay, Soo. Johnny kept a hold on me the whole time, and—” 

Kyungsoo didn’t seem to hear her. He waddled to the edge of the pool, formed a megaphone around his mouth with his hands, and announced, “Attention, party people!” 

In the process of lowering my head in embarrassment, I noticed that Lucas was wringing Lei’s shirt with unnecessary force. Lei was too busy drying her hair with the towel to notice and correct him, so I set to unbuttoning my shirt to offer it to her. 

“Do NOT pull people into the pool— especially not the birthday girl! If you do, Minseok will tell you to get out and go home!” Kyungsoo gestured to Minseok, who forced his smile into a threatening glower that probably threatened nobody before Baekhyun yelled, “You don’t scare us!”

Minseok took a step toward Baekhyun, eliciting a scream. I rolled my eyes, and Kyungsoo shook his head before walking back to the grill. 

“Lucas!” Lei shrieked and snatched her shirt from him. When she held it against her chest, what once fit perfectly was now two or three sizes too large. “What did you do?”

His only response was, “Oops.” 

Lei launched the balled-up shirt at his chest, and her visible disappointment only faded when I, stifling my laughter, dropped my unbuttoned shirt over her shoulders. The sky blue fabric suited her better than me; it made sense that she should keep it, then. 

She turned around, looked up at me with wide eyes, and said, “Thank you, Sehun.” 

The voice that she spoke to me with was softer than the one she trusted to Ten, Johnny, Minseok, Kyungsoo, and — yes— even Lucas. Something about that made my heart swell. 

I nodded to say, “You’re welcome,” because I couldn't string two words together to make a sentence when Lei was looking at me like that. 

“Wow, man!” Lucas beamed at me too. “You’re a real hero!”

When Lei turned away from me to laugh at Lucas’s reaction, I crossed my arms over my plain white t-shirt. I guess I was disappointed yet again by her fleeting attention. I just didn’t hold it like I used to. 

She frowned at her shirt in Lucas’s hands. “Well, you might as well just throw it away now.”

“Throw it away?” Lucas hugged the shirt against his bare chest. “Just because it doesn’t fit you anymore doesn’t mean it should end up in the trash!”

Lei’s eyebrows shot up at his passionate argument. “What? Do you want it or something?” Lucas nodded his head eagerly, and Lei shrugged before giving him his way. “Whatever. Just don’t hang it up in my closet when it’s your turn to do the laundry.”

“Yay!” Lucas squealed as he flew off of the chair. “Thanks, Lei!”

Smiling, she watched him dash into the house. Then, she took his place in the chair. She pressed her back against the chair, crossed her legs, and draped the towel over them before looking up to see that I was no longer behind her. I was before her. She gasped, raised her hands to shield her eyes from the sun, and the sleeves of my shirt— which were too big for her— slid down her arms. 

“Hey, Sehun.” She couldn’t quite smile while squinting her eyes. “Having fun?”

I moved a few steps to the left to block out the sun, and she lowered her hands and laid them flat in her lap. 

“I’m having a blast.” Was I being sarcastic? Probably. But I was happy to spend time with her then with few distractions. 

“Aren’t you tired of standing?” She tilted her head aside. Patting the space on the chair before her, she suggested, “You can sit with me if you want. Or you can grab that chair over there, and—” She bit on her tongue in surprise when I sat on the edge of her chair at the earliest invitation. 

Glancing around at the thriving party, I observed, “You have a lot of friends.” Of course, I knew it, but knowing it in theory was a lot different from seeing it in real life. 

“They’re nice.” She smiled, but her smile didn’t quite reach her eyes. It reminded me of the void in her chest that she tried to fill with Lucas. It reminded me of the secret that, at least in Donghae’s mind, threatened to clear out this gathering of flirtatious well-wishers. 

Suddenly, she sat up straight and motioned for me to move closer. “Come here, I have to tell you a secret.”

Forgetting for a moment that I didn’t want to learn another secret for the rest of my life, I obeyed her. She whispered, “I think they like me because a.) I have a pool, and b.) no matter how much they flirt, I’ll never give in. You know, some people are into that— chasing somebody they can never catch.” 

She was flirting with me, I realized, when she winked to mask the blush staining her face. 

I tried to flirt back. “Are you into that?” 

When she sighed, dropped our eye contact, and forced another smile, I realized that she did not yet know that she caught me. It was still the beginning of reimagining her. It was the beginning of the heart-fluttering moments. I didn’t know where the road into the unknown would lead, but I saw no option other than to follow it— to follow her. 

She said, “I was raised to never chase after boys. I’ve only ever followed one—” she nudged me— “and I promised not to do that anymore.”

Even without her pointed touch, I would have known that she was talking about me. Despite the deflation in my chest, I praised her. “Good. Don’t follow anybody. Continue on your path, and if somebody wants to walk with you for a while—”

When she poked my cheek, I realized that I was frowning. Her frown mirrored mine. “Don’t look like that, Sehun. It hurts my feelings.” 

For her, I forced a smile, and she laughed an airy sort of laugh. “I dunno why you’re so sentimental today, but—” her eyes widened— “oh.” 

“Oh?” My forehead wrinkled. “Oh what?” My heart raced with the fear that she was seeing me clearly. 

“We’re on the same path right now.” She smiled, and my heart raced with the hope that she was seeing me clearly. 

“We’ve always walked together,” I told her. “It’s just—”

Seeing that I had gone stiff with anxiety, she said, “It’s okay, Sehun. I understand.” 

I couldn’t quite believe that she understood, but because I didn’t know the words to explain my feelings, I didn’t say anything. 

“It’s probably not going to last.” She didn’t frown, and I couldn't understand how she could smile while saying, “It— we— I know that we won’t be in the same place at the same time forever, but I’m so happy that you’re here now.” 

She was crushing me under the weight of an unfamiliar sadness, but I promised, “I’m happy too,” and it wasn’t a lie. 

Still smiling, she said, “You can walk with me anytime, Sehun.” 

I can’t explain why remembering that makes me want to cry. She was saying something kind— loving— but her words felt so much like a goodbye. Maybe they were a goodbye to days that were already past— the days when she followed my shadow. It felt so much like she would fade or fly away or find another path or another companion if I took the time to blink. 

Fear prompted me to grab her hand as if that touch would keep her within arms reach, within eyesight, with me. Her eyes were rounded and filled with every shining star, and I— I had to look away. I had to play off the act of pure affection by digging the tattoo marker out of my pocket.  

“I thought you were opposed to marking me like I’m a piece of paper,” she teased. 

Probably blushing, I scoffed. “It’s different when I do it.” 

She asked her favorite question: “Why?”

“Because I love you,” I almost said, “and I have to show it somehow.” 

Instead, I shrugged, closed my eyes, and tried to think of a drawing that would compete with— no, triumph over all of the others on her body. Ideas didn’t come easily. I didn’t watch dramas or read romance novels or even listen to romantic music that much (or at all), so I had to card through my memories until I remembered a craft I did on Valentine’s Day in the third grade. 

Then, we dipped our thumb in red paint and pressed it twice to a piece of paper to make a heart to give to our parents. The idea was profound enough, I guess, since it relied on the concept that like no two fingerprints are identical, no two loves are identical.

Bearing that in mind, I coated my thumb with the marker’s black ink and softly pressed a heart into the skin on the back of Lei’s hand. 

I watched her smile at the symbol. Just because I was curious to see whether she would react to me the way she reacted to Ten, I raised her hand to my lips and blew on the heart. She didn’t swat at me, glare at me, flinch away, or say anything. She just watched me. 

Maybe Lucas was right. Maybe she would make any exception for me. That probably wasn’t wise or safe, so why did her lapse in judgment make me so happy?

“Okay,” she hummed. She snatched the marker before taking my hand in hers. “Your turn!”

Within the blink of an eye, she had placed her heart on my hand. I wanted to carry it everywhere with me. I wanted to boast it to everybody, but I didn’t know how to do that. I didn’t know who to tell. I didn’t know what to say to make them understand how much it meant to me. 

Something about the electricity in Lei’s touch— something about the thought that the heart would fade from sight— sent me springing to my feet with the blurted excuse, “I’m not feeling well.” 

It wasn’t a lie. Suddenly, my heart was pounding in my chest, ringing in my ears, and my stomach was knotting and rising and sinking, and my palms were sweating, and there was a lump in my throat, and I was sick. I fished the gift box containing the cherry blossom charm for the bracelet that she still wore— that I hoped she would always wear— out of my pocket. Careful not to allow our skin to touch, almost afraid of the shock, I left it in her palm. 

I ran into the house, regretting that I sent Chanyeol away with my keys until I found him sitting on the couch, feet propped up on the coffee table. 

Through a mouthful of blue icing, Chanyeol asked, “Are you done now?” He glanced over at me and sat upright. “Hey, are you alright? Your face is a little green.”

I shook my head. “I’m sick. I’m going home.”

“Okay. Let’s go, then.” He snatched my keys off the table and stood from the couch. “I was gonna leave, but I don’t know how to drive a stick shift, and—” When I reached out for the keys, he offered, “I’ll drive if you don’t feel good.” 

I assured him that I was fine before beelining to the car, keys in hand.

Chanyeol was quiet until I raised my hand to the steering wheel. The moment he saw the heart, he broke into brain-rattling, side-splitting laughter. “Wow.” He wiped amused tears from the corners of his eyes. “I remember doing that craft in, like, first grade. Your girlfriend is real creative.”

Something in my stomach fluttered, and I don’t think I liked it. Tightening my grip on the wheel, I instantly retorted, “It was my idea.” I should have said, “She’s not my girlfriend.”

Chanyeol noticed my mistake. “Oh,” he nodded his head sagely, “so she is your girlfriend!”

My face flushed, and my heart pounded again, and all I could think to say was, “Shut up, Chanyeol.” 

[getitinbusan]

Prudential Centre Saturday:

I Fucked Jungkook!

I was going through my Journal and found this gem of a memory! Posting on Tumblr so you can all be jealous.

September 29 2018 

Grace asked me last minute if I wanted to go to the BTS show because Ellie couldn't afford her ticket anymore. I wouldn't say I'm a huge KPOP fan but the guys from BTS are pretty fucking hot so I said sure.

The tickets we had were P2s left stage section 18 row 5, not bad but if I'm going to go out I'm going to go big. I told Grace that I think we could do better, I still owed her a belated birthday present so I told her I'd get us upgrades. When we got to Prudential Center I looked for a dirt bag scalper and traded our tickets and $200 for floors.

Once we got in, because it was general admission the front was already packed. So… because I always need to have the best,  I walked up the aisle to the front and chose the most desperate looking security I could flirt with.

The idiot really thought I was into him, which backfired because he just wanted to power trip and keep us there talking to him. Luckily one of the BTS crew was listening in and he came over to the rail to talk to us. I told him I'd do whatever I needed to do to get the best seats. He opened the gate and let us in to the side section reserved for special guests, explaining that this is where the guys would "pick from." So… cool, just flirting got us great seats and the potential to fuck one of the members.

Not going to lie, the concert was great. Even though I would have gladly taken any of them, I found myself watching Jungkook all night.  Maybe because I was fixated on him, he noticed? I swear he kept looking over, flirting with me.

They were doing their endingments when the same security guard who let us in came over. He pulled me to the side and told me that Jungkook wanted to meet me and if it was going to happen, I'd have to leave now.  So.. at this point I basically had to choose between Grace and fucking Kookie??

Luckily I have a pretty cool friend and she insisted that I take the opportunity. As security is leading me away, I look up and he licks his lips and frickin grins at me and nods. Holy Shit it was so hot.

I thought I'd just get backstage and like wait in the dressing room or something but no… there was a process. Security guy walked me through the back tunnels and explained that a car would take me to the hotel by myself. It would raise too much suspicion to leave together so he would meet me there after the show. 

He gave me a key card and a pass and told me to make myself comfortable and just wait. I had to show hotel security my "special pass" to get up to the private level and it just struck me that this was a pretty formulated plan. How many girls do these guys fuck on a regular basis that there is a solid plan like this in place? I mean, I don't really care, it just felt good to be in the running.

When I got off the elevator the staff member waiting explained that I'd need to sign an NDA before they could let me in. So, sure, why not, who'd believe me anyways?

Signed, sealed and delivered to room 913 I wasn't sure what to do with myself.  Should I be naked? What's the protocol for groupie sex? There really wasn't anything to do but wait so I freshened up in the bathroom and played on my phone. There wasn't anything personal in the room but there was a locked adjoining door, which most likely led to his real room.

There were condoms and lube in the drawer next to the Bible. Can you imagine being the staff member in charge of stocking condoms in the boys rooms? What a great fucking job description for a resume. 

He arrived a few minutes before 10, casually entering and grabbing a water bottle he explained that we were going to get in the shower together. He was sweaty and he had to make sure I was clean before, and I quote, "eat your fucking pussy for dinner." 

He walked into the bathroom and took his clothes off and threw them in a pile on the floor. I really don't know when he went from cute kid to fucking man, but he IS all man. His whole body is FIT and his cock is PERFECTION, only slightly embarrassing that he laughed at me staring at him. He got in the shower and asked me if I was coming, because I'm me, I had to say not yet but I hope to be soon. He liked that.

When I got in behind him he praised my body, told me I had great tits and asked me to wash them so he could suck them later. Telling me to relax, we helped each other lather up, you bet I fucking soaped up my hand and pumped his shaft.

Once the water rinsed him off I couldn't resist flicking his tiny nipple's with my tongue, giving them little bites until he moaned. His fucking abs were hard and beautiful and I had to trace them with my tongue.  He was really hard at this point so I got on my knees and sucked him with everything I had. I think I did good? At one point he had to grab the wall to keep himself steady and he moaned, a lot.

You know how some guys warn you...like, I'm gonna cum, I'm gonna cum? He's not that guy, he shot right down my throat and it was a LOT of cum. I didn't want to be the girl who fucking spits so I took it all. Sorry, swallowing cum is fucking gross no matter who it comes out of.

Anyway, he grabbed my hand to help me up and kissed me, like really kissed me. Hand in hair, passionate, tongue kiss kissed me. I'm not delusional but his lips made it feel like he really liked me. 

He put soap in his hand and started rubbing between my legs. His fingers slid over my clit and opened my folds, basically using the palm of his hand to rub me off. He slid his finger in and circled it around, then pushed in another moving his mouth down my neck he started sucking my tits. My God he knows what he's doing.

He was noisy and greedy and he told me he wanted me to cum on his fingers first, his face second and his dick third. So.. after saying that I fucking came, on the spot.

He wrapped his free arm around me so I wouldn't fall while my body was doing that horribly unattractive orgasm spasm. He pulled his fingers out of me and asked if I'd ever tasted myself before. I said no because...do people just do that?? He sucked one of his fingers off and held the other up for me so yeah, I guess I know now.  

He reached down and turned the water off and stepped out of the shower. No towels, soaking wet, he led me to the bed and told me to lay down. I told him the sheets would get wet and his response was that if the sheets didn't end up wet anyway we were fucking doing it wrong. So fuck it, it's his bed right. 

I laid down and he stood for a second looking at me, his dick was twitching back to life again and he stroked himself a few times before reaching down and pushing my legs open. Face and fingers up close and personal he told me that I, or maybe my vagina? was pretty, since that's what he was looking at when he made his declaration, I'm not sure.

His tongue was soft and relaxed and he literally had a make out session with my other lips. You know when you were young and just started to discover the concept of sex, you spent a lot of time making out and it's just dreamy and you float away in bliss at how soft and nice it feels? That, but better.

He took his time and was really really good at it. When I started to moan he switched gears and went full throttle with clit sucking and pumping his fingers in me again. Mission two: Making me cum on his face, achieved. 

He stood up and asked If I wanted some water. Did I tell you how FIT he is. His hard dick just stood at attention against his abs while he opened the bottle and drank half of it. He capped it and threw it to me, like wtf is this, little league? He could at least hand it to me nicely.

He picked up his phone and started playing some music, really good songs that I'm sure were on a playlist titled songs to fuck too. Standing back at the edge of the bed he pumped himself again then reached into the nightstand drawer.

Pulling out some lube he held his cock out in front of him and dripped a line straight down the length. He clicked it closed with one hand and threw it back on the nighstand and began rubbing himself until he was coated.

He moved on top of me flinging my legs open again and pushed himself in. The stretch was so good, I'd take width over length any day but luckily he had both. God, he was wet from the lube, I was wet from… everything, it felt amazing.

He did that romantic thing where he pushed the hair back out of my face and looked me in the eyes and I wanted to fucking die right there. He told me I felt so good and he was going to go slow so it lasted longer, was that alright?  No, nope, no fucking way Jungkook hurry up and get off me so I can leave. Pretty sure I just moaned out a yes please.

He's the kind of guy that likes to kiss while he fucks which makes everything feel 100 times more pleasurable. He asked me to roll over and when I did he looped his arm under my waist and pulled me up so I was on my hands and knees, ughhh his arm muscles. He quickly pushed himself back in and the moan he let out was better than any song I've ever heard him sing.

He was hot and sweaty and his pace was quicker but not hard or rough. He pulled my hair with one hand and grabbed my boob with the other. He HIT so deep and the steady stroke made me cum so hard. He did the wrap and hold again holding me still and telling me not to move, he wasn't ready to cum yet and could I take more?

The man fucks like an insatiable beast and I would be an idiot to say no, so I didn't. He wiggled his eyebrows at me and grabbed a condom from the box, "Safety first!" What a fucking boyscout. Tearing one open with his teeth he rolled it down over his cock, did I mention they were magnum?

He told me he wanted me to ride him so he could watch my tits bounce. I climbed on top of him and sank down as deep as I could go. He closed his eyes while I sat on his cock and clenched around him. BTW, he's the main vocalist for a reason, the moans and noises he made were beautiful and my pussy was drenched listening to him.

I bounced on his cock for a solid 10 minutes before he pulled me down and started kissing me. I made sure to rub my tits across his nipples while I ground him into me and he was whining about how good it felt when I came, AGAIN. He held me tight against him and bucked his hips up hard into me until he came with such force I could feel it fill the rubber. 

I wish there was more, a happier ending where he fell in love with me and asked me to join the tour but that was it. 

We lay there for a few minutes until he told me had an early day tomorrow and staff would make sure I got home. He asked for my number, I'm sure as a courtesy, before he kissed me goodbye, who knows...maybe… Anyway,  best concert I've ever been to. 

[dreamingdreamsnevermore-blog]

Welcome to the Universe (Jammy) - The Final Chapter:  “The end of the beginning”

We hope this piece gives a little deserved closure to our beloved Jammy and where they are now. Sammy has a few surprises in store, familiar faces and old friends paying a visit! Thanks for reading and all the support. x T&C 

**Welcome to the Universe

Epilogue:  “The end of the beginning”**

“Dear Diary, where to begin? 10 years ago I was given the unique opportunity to work with a talented band and travel the world. How can I put into words all the experiences and emotions I've gathered through the years? I've started this journey with you all on April 9th 2010 when I was 25 years old, I was engaged at the time, with a long-term vision of the life path I was supposed to follow. Until a certain rock band crossed my path and, changed my entire life for the better.

During my life on the road I love meeting up with each and every one of you. I was embraced right from the start, welcomed straight into the warm yet crazy dysfunctional family also known as The Echelon. I'm forever grateful for all you have done for me and how you entrust me with your stories, now it’s our time to give you a rare insight in ours. It’s been a while since our last interaction, and a lot has happened. Life is not what you expect, it’s made up of the most unexpected twists and turns.

April, 2011 Cussing underneath my breath I slam through the doors leading into the venue’s foyer, crowded with fans still buzzing on their concert high. Hitting speed dial again I bring my phone to my ear while making my way across the venue.  Rounding the corner I smack into a fan at high speed, making us both bounce back. Picking up her bag, her piercing blue eyes meet mine, midnight black hair pulled back into a pony tail “oh god, I’m so sorry” I exclaim “It’s okay” she assures me with a smile. “Nice tattoo!” I say pointing out the Mithra tattoo on her upper left arm, peeking from underneath her slipped cardigan. “Thanks” a cramped smile forms her plum tinted lips while shrugging her cardigan back on her shoulders. Continuing my sprint I can’t help but ponder she looks familiar. “I’m sorry I’m late” I gush out of breath breaking through the doors finally reaching their dressing room. Shannon throws a bottle of water my way which I eagerly accept and take a big gulp. “Can’t believe you haven’t broken an ankle wearing those killer heels around the arena.” Tomo laughs. Tugging the hem of my shirt dress I fake a bow. “We need to get to the meet and Greet” I point out matter of factly “You’re actually late” Jared eyes me as it trails from my lips “Isn’t that going to be your fault?” Pulling up a brow I hurl the water bottle back at Shannon who’s started laughing at the remark. Throwing me a kissy face Jared passes me with a slap on the ass. “Instead of throwing a fit, we should go, we don’t want to be even more late.” “Oh you-” slapping him across the back I roll my eyes and lead them to the meet and greet lodge. Luckily the fans were still all excited to meet the guys despite the delay. Shannon instantly turned into a goof spreading himself out on the floor while Jared started telling tales. Since time was cut shorter they quickly start their picture moment. I smile noticing the little boy that caught one of Shannon’s drumsticks. “Oh seems like you’re taking home a treasure from this gig” blushing he nods his head “Can I take a picture of you holding it out in victory?” glancing up in excitement he seeks approval of his father. “Sure” the young man squeezes the kids shoulder and I quickly snap his picture as it soon is his turn to have his picture taken with the guys. Obviously Shannon notices he’s caught one of his sticks and picks the boy up planting him up on his shoulders striking a triumph pose. I laugh at the display and shake my head. Jared high fives the boy and watches as he jolts to his father beaming with joy. As his eyes cross those of his father I notice Jared tense up, looking startled. His gaze wonders to Shannon next to him, who’s busy admiring a trinity skull seal tattoo on a girl’s neck. It takes a split second and he composes himself quickly. When the meet and greet is over Jared slips from the room immediately “Jared” I walk after him but he keeps on walking “Hey” grabbing his arm he stops and looks at me “What is going on? Earlier you looked like you’d seen a ghost?” wiping his brow he sighs deeply “I’m sorry Sammy, I’ve got some unfinished business I need to attend, I won’t be long.” Sucking my lower lip between his he kisses me short but deeply. “be back soon.” And without further explanation he marches off. Deciding to skip the party for one of the crew’s birthday I head to the busses and start my draft for tonight’s entry for the tour diary. “I can’t believe you kept this from me. From us.” Jared’s voice is tense as I hear the bus door open. I hear him fling his phone across the bus and hiss a curse. “Jared?” startled he turns around, obviously not having expected someone to be on the bus. “Is everything alright?” I arch a brow as he pulls me close. A deep groan escaping his lips. Lacing my arms around his waist he captures my lips in a wet and greedy kiss. "yes, knowing we’re alone on this bus, everything seems perfect" he grins, extracting a soft giggle from my lips as his hands slip underneath my oversized shirt dress cupping and squeezes my ass.  Tangling his fingers through my messy locks I chuckle resting my hands on his damp chest. Scrunching his nose his fingers start unbuttoning the shirt to cup my boobs firmly while stealing a kiss. “Let’s take advantage of this alone time" smacking my ass once more he pulls away and hurls me over his shoulder stalking me upstairs.

I nervously twirl my lanyard between my fingers making Shannon laugh while I walk off the stage. “Such a fangirl” he nudges my arm with a grin as I  just announced ‘Best Female’ at the MTV Video music awards. “I think I’m gonna be sick” I mumble turning around holding my hand against my mouth as I dry heave “You’re adorable, shouldn’t have had those dumplings before the show!” he laughs handing me his water bottle for a sip. As the next performer is announced we head to the side of the stage. “I’m very curious about this act, apparently there’s a mystery guest.” Shannon comes to stand next to me crossing his arms and huffs “Eminem is legendary, he doesn’t need a guest.” he says as the light dims and the venue goes dark. A white beam illuminates a piano, sat at it a busty blonde wearing a sparkling silver and black leather bodysuit with plunging neckline, fishnet stockings and leather knee-high stilettos. * ‘On the first page of our story, the future seemed so bright. Then this thing turned out so evil - I don't know why I'm still surprised’ Finishing the first verse she pauses for a minute ‘Even angels have their wicked schemes, And you take that to new extremes. But you'll always be my hero, even though you've lost your mind.” Whipping her blonde locks from her face she gets up from the piano and walks across the stage. It is then that I recognize her tattoo’s, more precisely the Mithra one on her upper arm. “hey I think she was at a gig” I mumble enthusiastic turning to Shannon who’s gone pale observing the scene in front of him. * “Just gonna stand there and watch me burn, well that's alright because I like the way it hurts” “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” Shannon curses under a breath. “Did you know about this!?” he asks with a fixed stare. “Know what?” I ask confused pulling my vibrating phone from my pocket, taking note of Jared’s name and answer it backing away to a quieter spot while the song erupts as Eminem joins her on stage. * ‘Hush baby, speak softly, tell me I'll be sorry. - That you pushed me into the coffee table last night,So I can push you off me - Try and touch me so I can scream at you not to touch me’ “Is Shannon with you?” his voice is tense and edged “Yes, why?” as the song peaks its finale and the arena falls dark. Shannon stalks over to me and without any explanation yanks my all access badge from the back pocket of my blazer dress “What the fuck Shannon” I sneer at him grasping hold of his arm but he shrugs out of my grip. “Sammy. Don’t.” he hisses, eyes blazing like I’ve never seen them before. Ending my call to Jared without explanation I run a hand through my hair and stalk after Shannon through the catacombs of the venue. Finding him stood in front of a backstage dressing room he looks lost, hurt and most of all confused. Drawing in a deep breath I compose myself, steadying myself with the palm of my hand against the door and hold my finger out at Shannon who turns to me. After a few seconds and without granting him a word I slap him hard across the cheek, yanking my lanyard from his hand. “Shannon what the fuck.” I demand an explanation. Right in that moment the door opens and a young guy stares me right in the face, the look in his eyes reading like a deer caught in headlights as his eyes fall upon Shannon. I remember him, long blonde locks tousled into a messy man bun, two impressive full sleeves across his muscled arms. He was at the meet and greet a few weeks back. Behind him the girl that just took the stage sat on the couch, holding her head in her hands.  “Kristie.” Shannon breathes, his voice broken. Her head shoots up hearing her name, teary eyes connecting with his. Pulling the blonde wig from her head she reveals her dark locks. The young guy places his palm against Shannon’s chest “Can we talk for a minute?” Shannon huffs eying him, not impressed as he pushes past him. Kristie sighs “Alec, it’s okay.” I stumble a little to the left as an energetic boy runs past me towards her. “Mommy don’t cry, you were amazing!” Jumping onto her lap the boy smothers her with kisses and wipes her tears. She smiles and runs her hand through his hair “Oh my number one fan!” Planting a kiss on his lips she motions Alec who in responds takes the little boy’s hand and moves outside to watch the live feed. “You fucking ghosted me Kristie” Shannon walks over to her looking defeated “I know- i’m sorry” she sighs deeply standing up, a painful look on her face “Sorry!? Thats all you’ve got to say?” grabbing her arm firmly he shakes her and pushes her against the wall “SHANNON.” I bark at him marching over and push him off her. I never encountered this side of him before and to be honest, it scared me a little. She sighs deeply burying her face in her hands “What did you expect Shannon?” her voice is but a whisper as she wipes her tears and sits down on the couch. “The night we had our fight, I hated you, I hated myself, I… I was ready to take my own life.” She takes a gulp from her bottle of water. Shannon sighs, uncomfortably fidgeting his hands in the pockets of his jeans. “Kristie I regret every word I said that night. I...” he shakes his head. She looks up, regret touching her eyes as they meet his. “This thing we had, it was unhealthy, it was violent, abusive, sex-driven...”she falls silent and a soft laugh escapes her lips as she rolls her eyes “We fucking loved it, shit , there’s even proof of that.” My eyes grow wide as realization sinks in, the kinky tape. It’s her.  “Shannon, I don’t regret us… I regret what we became..” She shakes her head softly, her eyes closed and exhales a breath “But I don’t regret the decision I made after recovering from the overdose”  nervously she rubs the palms of her hands together and rethinks her words. “Our beautiful mistake, my biggest blessing” her eyes wonder up to find the little boy roaming the halls. It takes a split second for Shannon to register her confession as he goes pale. Jared bursts through the door, eyes scanning the situation in the room, a breath leaving his lips as his eyes land upon Kristie. Shannon looks broken and defeated and silence falls upon the room “You told me she lost the baby” he hisses at Jared. “I needed a stable and safe environment, not only for my sake but most importantly my child’s sake.” “Kristina why did you cut us out of your life, we could have h-” Jared asks but she interupts him “I’m not proud of my lies.” She shakes her head while Shannon paces around “I loved you Shannon. I still do…” Getting up from the couch she walks over to him, touching his shoulder “I’m sorry” A flash of anger washes over his face as he turns to face her. His composure tells me he’s doing all he can to hold himself together. “So why now then, after all those years? He’s five. You need a famous daddy to milk?” A sour smile touches her lips as she pops several pills to her lips and swallows them with a gulp. Crossing his arms Shannon cocks his head unapprovingly “I want to learn from my mistakes. I know we’ve both changed...” “And you’re forgetting to mention you’re sick.” Jared crosses his arms. “Ah yes, demons from my past have come to haunt me. I’m enjoying my little fucked up party for as long as I still can” She falls silent and shrug “I’ve got no one but myself to blame for this mess.” “Fuck Kris.” Shannon swallows hard “You should have told me sooner” She tilts her head tucking a strand of hair behind her ear “I know. Can we- can we start over? Learn from our mistakes? For our son’s sake? I know I’m asking a-lot and this is overwhelming... But he’s been asking questions about his father lately..” Shannon swallows hard as she touches his arm “Please, I’m not expecting nor demanding you to take up your responsibilities as a father. I just want him to get to know you.” cupping his cheek Kristie presses her lips soft yet passionate against his. Shannon gazes into her eyes with tears of his own and whispers an apology brushing his finger along her lower lip before pulling her in a tight embrace. “I’m sorry things when the way they did” he whispers and swallows hard as Alec walks in with the boy. Placing her finger on his lip she silences him. “Let’s look at the future now, the past is behind us. Let’s make better mistakes from now on.” He nods and she motions towards the boy. “Shannon, this is Ryder.” It is then that I match the little puzzle in my head. Alec and Ryder were at the meet and greet, Shannon had already met his son without even realizing it.  

There are two sides to every story and you need to hear both to know all the facts. We may not always agree or like what we discover. Some secrets are deep and sometimes they are filled with regret. Shannon’s relationship with Kara had to endure a few storms dealing with the revelation of his son and rekindling his relationship with Kristie on and off tour. He wanted to make up for his mistakes and rebuild the lost trust and their friendship, for the sake of their son. He voluntary filed a declaration of Paternity taking up his parental responsibilities. Kristie had started working an album independently, filled with powerful, painfully honest songs about toxic relationships, battling addiction, accepting herself and her demons. One night when Shannon invited Kristie over to talk about collaborating on one of her songs their passion reignited, triggering suppressed emotions, seeking solace, coping with intense grief over past and future. Their intimacy was intense, raw and emotional. They didnt regret their actions that night, but they agreed it would be the last time, focusing on a healthy, stable and amicable partnership in raising their son. His relationship with Kara crumbled under the pressure as she already battled her way through her own insecurities dealing with Kristie and Ryder.

When dating a 'celebrity', you never choose the public opinion that comes with it, and you’re never ready for it either. ‘Real love doesn't meet you at your best. It meets you in your mess.’, that quote sadly hits close to home. Jared guided me through my mess, my own battles. ‘Pain shapes a woman into a warrior' the quote traces my spine. Jared has never been a celebrity to me, I never had heard of Thirty seconds to mars nor him, till the day I signed on for the tour diary. I never intended to fall for the celebrity lead singer/actor. Working together 24/7 we established a friendship, that eventually blossomed and we developed a greater depth of love. It stands for the terror I went through experiencing domestic abuse, sexual assault and stalking by the man I once loved. It reminds me of my fight for the truth, my fight for freedom and my fight for survival that nearly killed me and my unborn child.

May 8th, 2011 Intense lightning wakes me early in the morning, the sound of thunder growling and rain drizzling down the window breaks the silence of the night. It's 5 am. Reaching for my cellphone it buzzes in the palm of my hand "hey stranger" I smile at the screen. "good morning Samantha" Jared smiles "did I wake you?" I shake my head adjusting my pillow as I sit upright. "GOOD MORNING SAMMY!" the screen shakes and a very chipper Shannon appears on screen. "morning Shan" I chuckle adjusting my Cami top and pull the sheets a little higher. "even this early in the morning you look beautiful" he exclaims "oh you charmer" I chuckle rolling my eyes. "shan-give... Ugh.. Shan" I gaze at the screen amused as both brothers fight for the phone. "as much as I love facetiming with you both, I'm getting nauseas watching this." getting up from the bed I put on my robe and head downstairs into the kitchen. As a flash of lightening illuminates the entire room startling me, I nearly drop the phone out of my hands, much to both brothers amusement. "oh you know how I hate these kind of storms" I glare at the screen. "repeat after me Sammy 'fuck you thunder you can suck my di-'." "can she not repeat that?" Jared mutters and I laugh "thunder buddies" I wink at Shannon. Making myself a nice steaming cup of cocoa, I softly blow the hot substance in the cup before taking a sip. "is that.. hot cocoa?" Shannon throws me a very judging look. "you bet it is!" I grin "Home-made, I may add. With Belgian chocolate." Shannon grunts deeply, an unimpressed look on his face. "how. could. you" I giggle licking my lips after another sip. "mmm, so, soo good." "alright enough with the cocoa sex, Shannon can I talk to Samantha?" Jared snatches the phone from his brother. "hello again" I smile "can't wait to be home in a few hours" Jared smiles. "I hope your flight doesn't get cancelled" I sigh admiring the storm through the kitchen window. Jared shrugs "at the moment we're delayed for about an hour. I'll keep you updated." the video call lags and I sigh waiting for the video to stabilize. "So how's my girl doing?" "starting to regret that hot chocola-" a wave of nausea washes over me and I drop my phone on the counter, making a sprint for the bathroom. Dropping to my knees I heave above the toilet, pulling my hair back in a messy tail. Rinsing my mouth with mouthwash I pick my phone back up. The video lags as Jared puts his stuff in the trunk of their cab and ask me if I'm okay, wandering from the group. "Morning sickness" I smile annoyed. I'm 14 weeks pregnant and finally developing the cutest small bump. We've been able to keep it a secret, only Emma knows since I confided in her asking to buy me a test after the VMA’s, since I was too scared to get one myself. I eventually took the test a day after when we arrived in Chicago surprising Jared at the hotel with the news, having my test and a litte “hello daddy” romper placed on his pillow. I haven't joined the guys on tour for the past 3 weeks due to extreme morning sickness, they think I had the flu. Today is the big revelation, I'm picking Jared up at the airport when they return from Canada wearing a grey curve hugging dress emphasizing my small bump. He has only seen my early pregnancy bloat evolving to a bump in pictures. Today is the first time he's actually going to admire our little bump. It's not only a surprise to him, but the rest of the crew and Shannon are still unaware of the pregnancy. This afternoon my mom and Constance are coming over for lunch and we're going to surprise them with the pregnancy news! The storm passes quickly and while rain still trickles down, rays of sunshine seep through the clouds. Planning on leaving home an hour before his estimated arrival, to avoid Los Angeles' famous morning traffic jams, I'm in a hurry to find my keys. Cursing underneath my breath I sigh deeply checking the pockets of my leather jacket with no luck. "Damn pregnancy brain. Think Sammy, think." I check my purse a third time before throwing it on the table. "fuck." There's a soft knock on the door jamb behind me and I spin around in shock "oh no, did I get the time wrong, Jared I'm so-" my breath hitches in my throat as my eyes lock with his "You." I swallow hard. "Hello Samantha." my eyes catch glimpse of the silver keys dangling from his index finger, my keys. I swallow hard "how-how did you get.." "Love is a scary thing babe" tucking the keys into his pocket he strides over and I back up. "Caleb , I need you to leave." I plead. He smirks softly "Did you like all the gifts I sent you?" I stare at him in shock when the penny drops and all the flowers and fucked up gifts are from him.  "I'm calling the cops." I warn him, fingers rummaging my purse but I'm unable to trace my phone. "no you won't." he states pulling my phone from his other pocket. In that moment fear and panic wash over me, paralyzing me as within a few strides he's right in front of me, his hand tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. "I miss you" he calmly breathes, hand tracing my curves. Suddenly he tugs at my leather jacket, a deadly glare peering into my eyes. It happens in the blink of an eye but before I can register it I've slapped him hard across the face, it takes him off guard stumbling back, phone falling from his hand. Before I have time to respond and grab my phone or my alarm button his hand violently slip around my throat while he backs me up against the wall, eyes blazing with rage. "a fucking baby?" His grip on my throat tightening. I gasp, digging my nails into his hand and arm trying to get him to ease pressure. “In our 5 years you never felt ready, and with him it takes you less than a year?” he breathes angrily in my face, angry tears in his eyes "Today is the price you pay for having such a good life" his voice is short, clipped and cold. Feeling dizziness set in I scratch my nails across his face to which he releases me. I fall to my knees and cough deeply trying to catch my breath. I want to run, to hide but he's too fast. As I want to grab my phone from the floor he grabs me violently by my hair and I scream loudly.  "If I can't have you, nobody will" he spits flinging me to the other side of the room, crashing into the glass table, shattering it on impact. I feel numb, pain surging my entire body. He kneels next to me and brushes my bloodied cheek. "why do you make me do this. This is all your fault Sam." He rubs his temple frustrated. Tears escape my eyes as the person in front of me is a ghost of the man I used to date. "you once promised to keep me safe-" my voice trembles as I speak "And then you decided to fuck Jared Leto" he hisses hunched over me while grabbing my belly. Protecting my baby I backhand him in the face while kicking him in the nuts and spot my phone. "you cheated on me first, shit head" I crawl over as fast as I can, crying out in pain. Trembling and with blood stained hands I grab my phone. "put it down" he barks angrily. Pressing and holding the side button along with the Volume button I activate my SOS setting. The next few seconds pass by in a blur. I'm fighting him off, kicking and screaming until he has me pinned against the couch, my arm twisted behind me, tearing the phone from my grip. "I told you not to" he yanks my head back, gripping my hair and in that moment, I felt trapped, vulnerable and so hopelessly lost. "HELP ME" I kick and scream, hoping the emergency call was activated. "FUCK!" Caleb screams out tossing the phone away "why do you always make things so complicated babe? Why!?" he frantically rubs his face backing up. Afraid to move I slowly press myself up, ribs feeling sore. "I.. I'm sorry" I apologize, slowly crawling away from him. "please, Cabe, I'm sorry" I whisper pulling myself up with the help of a chair. His eyes lock with mine, tears staining them. "Lies!" he cries "LIES." my heart sinks and I freeze on the spot as I register the gun targeted at me. "Don't do this Cabe" I whisper in a plea. "If I can't have you, nobody can." he yells again, a tear falling from his face. "you're mine. You belong to ME."  blue and red flashing lights illuminate the room, police sirens filling up the background. "it's over" I whisper "it sure is. I love you Sammy, im so sorry" his voice is soft, his intense yet soul-less stare sends chills down my spine. And then the penetrating sound of a gun being fired echoes the room, my ears ringing, the sound of glass shattering. Caleb collapses on the floor in front of me as police officers storm into the room. It is then that I feel the sharp sting in my abdomen. Looking down, blood stains my dress, trickling down my leg. Caleb had pulled the trigger, he shot me right in my stomach. Cradling my belly I sink to the floor and pass out in shock. Jared received an emergency text upon his arrival at LAX, he immediately knew something was wrong when I didn't respond to his or Shannon's calls. He arrived home, at the horrific scene when they rushed me out on the stretcher, a paramedic straddling me while performing chest compressions. My body limp, pale and covered in blood, face bruised and cut with marks around my neck where he tried strangling me.

Shreds to some of the darkest periods of my life I've unwillingly lived publicly. Paparazzi are vicious, they'll hound you around invading and violating your privacy until the very last drop of juicy information is shared. Media loves dramatizing, But sadly, a picture doesn't show the entire story and is easily manipulated into telling something different. It's an ugly world, one I decided I wanted to take control over.

Caleb was shot into the chest, 7 days post-op he presented signs of a stroke, leaving him in a vegetative state. My healing started the moment they turned off life support, his life support. I got to witness the ventilator being turned off and removal of his breathing tube. In that moment I experienced conflicting emotions, liberating relief but also sadness. It felt wrong to grieve someone that caused me so much pain, his death gave me closure, but I refused to forgive him. I'd been to hell and back and my road to recovery was long, I had to be strong and find myself again while navigating a high-risk pregnancy, yes our miracle baby survived the trauma.

At 34 weeks, unexpectedly early, a beautiful baby girl made her appearance into this world. Our little miracle was small and fragile, weighing in at 2.250kg and 43cm.

October, 2011 Shannon looks up from his computer in shock, his face going pale as I enter the studio. "Oh God, what happened," he breathes pulling the headphones from his head and strides over to where I'm standing, my pajama pants covered in blood. In a heartbeat he is in front of me, holding onto my trembling hands. Cupping my face he calms me "breathe Sammy, breathe." his voice is soft as he looks me straight in the eyes "hey, look at me. You're both going to be okay." I felt like I was going to throw up, falling from one emotion into another. Earlier Jared and I finished up a maternity shoot shot by Shannon. My first pregnancy should have been easy, but since the attack I had been terrified of complications, Caleb robbed me from enjoying the miracle of bringing life into this world. "We're going to the hospital right now" his voice edged with determination. "But your busy with Kristie’s al-” “Sammy don’t you start” Flipping his phone to his ear he ushers me up the stairs and to the garage. “I don't even have my bag." I stumble my words as he pulls the door open and sits me down. “This can't be happening" I close my eyes caressing my bump feeling some sort of tightening cramps.

Arriving at the hospital they immediately take me for an exam and place a heart rate monitor on my belly. "Hang in there little peanut" I whisper to my bump and close my eyes praying. Feeling a hand atop of mine I open my eyes exchanging a glance with Jared. Even though he looked calm, I read panic in his eyes. "I'm here." Things happened so fast from that point on. We were totally unprepared to give birth this early. The baby was in distress, the exam showing a placental abruption and they took me straight in prepping me for an emergency C-section. Lots of people swarmed the OR. It felt like I was trapped in a chaotic nightmare. "It's going to be okay" Jared’s lips brush my temple and wipes away the tear that escapes my eyes. He's sat next to me in yellow scrubs, calm through it all , my rock. I was scared and nervous, this pregnancy has been all but a dream. "I'm sorry" I whisper apologetic "what for?" "not being able to keep this baby safe" he caresses my cheek and shakes his head "I'm so proud of you. You're such a strong woman, you’re such a great mother". Light cries fill the room and I sob in relief hearing our baby crying for the first time. "It's a girl!" after a few long minutes we finally get to meet her briefly, before she's taken up to NICU, as she is placed on my upper chest, swaddled in a blanket. My entire heart fills with love as I admire our little girl. Jared gazes lovingly at us "welcome to the world, Willa"

Becoming parents was extraordinary. Watching Jared settle into his new role as a daddy, his priorities changed so much more than I expected. The first weeks were challenging as we divided our time between visiting our premature girl at the hospital and our new home in Malibu. Jared's Studio City home held too many unwanted memories, too much negative energy, so we relocated to a gated family orientated community in Malibu, leaving the hustle and bustle of Los Angeles behind us. The moment we got to bring our baby girl home, our wonderful journey started and brought Jared and I even closer together. We introduced her to her extended family at the Vyrt streaming of the 300th show touring ‘This is War’. We settled into a 'normal' life the upcoming years as the band took a break from touring. Shannon took time to focus on his son and even made several guest appearances on Kristie’s ‘Dancing with the Devil’ tour.

The celebrity lifestyle, partying and fame, we traded for a modest family life, trying to get as close to ‘normal’ as possible. I put my on-screen work with MTV on hold indefinitely and decided to work more behind the scenes. Time out from the spotlight was liberating, focusing just on our little family. Jared dedicated time to his other career, acting, he filmed a new movie, introducing me to my new girlfriend Rayon. It was quite a shock at first, to be honest I didn’t even recognize him when he had walked into the house wearing a floral dress, blonde wig, false lashes and fuchsia lipstick. It took me a while to get used to the fact she also borrowed some of my dresses and panty hoses. As much as I came to like her, I was glad her appearance was limited.

After the 2 year gap since we last took the road, juggling between life on the road, family and promotions for his movie, our fairly stable life got turned upside down. Kristie’s condition took a turn for the worse and Shannon spend more time with Alec and Kristie in Hospice care, promising he’d never abandon his son. Ryder became the most important person in his life. A few months later I took on another edition of the tour diary as the band lined up a new tour for their brand new album.

January, 2014 A small golden globes pré party was held at our house. Jared had transformed our patio in a private backyard cinema with an outdoor projector. My mother, Constance , Shannon and Kara, Emma and the kids would be watching the show from home. Tucking some strands of my hair back in my dramatic, voluminous pony I glance in the mirror and smile approvingly, touching up my bold burgundy lips. And winged eyeliner. "woaaaaaaah" an enthusiastic Willa sprints down the corridor, coming to an abrupt stop at the sight of me, her eyes big with wonder and mouth open wide. I giggle twirling around making my dress fly up "does mommy look pretty?" her eyes squint shut as she breaks out in a big smile. I laugh squatting down in front of her and tap her protruding belly "shall I take that as a yes?" nodding her head fervently she leans in for a hug "mommy you're so pretty!" kissing the top of her head I stand up straight "let's go find your daddy!" turning around her giggles bounce off the walls as her little feet run down the hall towards the patio. "here's my little princes!" Jared picks up his daughter and twirls her around extracting even more giggles as he tickles her belly. "Am I dressed okay for the occasion?" His gaze lingers on me as I step outside, an elegant long white fit and flare dress hugged my curves, with an off the shoulder neckline and billowing sleeves in organza material. Mesmerized Jared takes me in "A classical beauty" he muses and leans in for a kiss "you're handsome yourself too" I whisper capturing his lips much to Willa’s dismay who pushes me back "yuk" both me and Jared burst out laughing. "oh Samantha" my mother gushes, tears staining her eyes "you look absolutely stunning" I twirl around again and huff in doubt "really? Isn't this too much?" biting my lip I meet Jared's, his brow pulled up in ponder "Samantha you look amazing" he speaks assuring "picture time!" Constance exclaims making me laugh as both mothers are pulling out their mobile phone. "thank god we've got the good camera here too" Jared mutters under a breath motioning at Myke, who's following Jared around the entire day before and after the Golden Globes for 'A day in the life of'. After our short photoshoot it's time for us to head out to the red carpet, but before all the celebrity glamour we experienced some family drama as Willa did not want mommy and daddy to leave throwing a dramatical tantrum. Jared, being the slick negotiator he is, managed to keep a second round of tears and screams at bay. A soft sigh escapes my lips and Jared squeezes my knee softly. "ah the terrible two's, I'm sure she's all forgotten about it already" his blue eyes look at me in a comforting way "she was already playing hide and seek with Shannon and Ryder when you made your way towards the car. " placing my hand atop his I nod softly. Nearing the venue I feel butterflies flutter my stomach. I felt nervous, it had been a while since I graced a red carpet alongside him. "ready for the madness?" Jared's lips grace my temple "thanks for joining me tonight." I turn to meet his loving gaze and nudge him softy "always, I'm so proud of you. You're already my winner" I wink and he laughs deeply "that's all I'll ever need, what am I even doing here?" opening the door for me he extents his hand and I take it. I had forgotten about the buzz on the red carpet and to be honest I had missed the glamour, it felt good to be back. Jared and I posed infront of the photographers but the atmosphere was different around us, he was much more relaxed and affectionate than he had ever been. I caught him fixing the train of my dress so it looked good on pictures, he lovingly embraced me and stole kisses, I even noticed he had stopped posing for pictures and was admiring me from afar, snapping a personal picture with his iPhone. The night passed by quickly and soon enough the announcements were made for the category he was nominated in.   Placing my left hand atop his I lace our fingers and squeeze it softly. All air leaves my lungs as his name gets called. Standing up I cup his face and kiss him lovingly "I'm so proud of you".

You don’t always need a plan, sometimes you just need to breathe, trust, let go and see what happens… And that’s exactly what happened on our special day in 2015. After a very busy and rewarding award and touring season, Jared whisked me away for a romantic getaway at Glen Oaks Big Sur, staying in a secluded cabin tucked away in a redwood grove near a river.

Outstretching my arms above my head I tangle my fingers into Jared’s hair as he leans down for a kiss. “Are you enjoying your bath?” “Very much so, so relaxing after that long hike” I nod approvingly slipping lower into the claw foot bath tub on our secluded porch. “Emma send me a mail regarding some hotel issues for Europe-" “Ugh say no more, be gone” I sigh splashing some water his way making him laugh “I’ll be back in time for dinner” “Oh you better” I mutter closing my eyes relaxing and enjoying the silence. After my bath I head back inside our cabin and find a box and a card on the bed. Closing my robe I sit down and pick up the envelope, Jared’s handwriting addressing me. ‘I love you, will you marry me?’ holding up the card between my fingers I eye it confused. A proposal? But he proposed to me 4 years ago in Paris? “Tonight?” his soft deep voice breaks the silence in the cabin and it startles me slightly. “Jared what- what is this?” he’s stood leaning, admiring me, from afar, his tender blue eyes locking with mine. Pulling his hands from his pockets he pushes off from the wall and walks over to me, kneeling down on one knee. “Jared what are you doing” I roll my eyes mockingly as he shushes me with a finger against the lips. “The past years have been very eventful.. our baby girl, movies, gigs, all the awards... I- I don’t want to waste any more time trying to find an ideal moment away from the madness.” He shakes his head and tilts my chin, thumb grazing my cheek lovingly “The biggest win in my life is having captured your heart, you are my most valued prize. No award can ever compare. Marry me, here, tonight.” I swallow hard trying to find my breath again “I- Yes” A loving smile curls his lips while he leans in and kisses me passionately. “But I… I don’t have a dress, shoes,.. what about-”with a quick peck on the lips he silences me again “Open the box” fumbling with the box my fingers tear of the lid finding the perfect pair of strass crystal embellished Christian Louboutin pumps ‘It was and always will be you’ engraved on the red sole along with today’s date. I sigh his name admiring the pumps a hint of doubt to detect in my voice. “I know you’ve always dreamt of a big ceremony with the entire family and I promise you, we’ll still do one. I promise.” Taking my hand he leads me to the bathroom, there on a hanger is the most stunning dress I have ever laid eyes on. Sparkly and sexy, consisting of white sequin embellished tulle with full skirt, plunging V-neck and low-cut back with fitted sequin tulle sleeves. Grazing my fingers along the tulle I stare at him in shock. Jared grins “Willa picked it out, I guess it must have been the sparkles. But I did agree on it being a marvelous dress” “You took her to a bridal Boutique?” I smack my lips and chuckle at the thought. “Yes, she has an eye for design of fashion, guess she has that from his mother” Jared winks making me break out in a laugh. “Yes, I do hope she doesn’t inherent your sense in style.” Mimicking a hurt expression Jared embraces me close to him and brushes a strand of hair from my face. “So, shall we get married?” he beams “Let’s do this.” My heart skips a beat as I take in my reflection in the mirror. The all over sparkling sheer fabric looks luxurious yet elegant against my tan bodysuit, Jared customized pumps matching perfectly with the gown. My hair is kept loose in subtle curls along with subtle makeup. Exiting the cabin and walking down the steps I call out his name. Jared turning as I do so and as his eyes land on me while tucking his phone into his pocket, he pauses, struck in awe. Soaking me all in, he’s overcome by raw emotion fighting back his tears as they fill up his eyes. Jared looked sharp in his all black tuxedo, hair tuck in a sleek man bun. Exhaling a deep breath he  regains his composure “wow” is all he can bring out. Taking my hand in his slightly shaking one, he pushes me backwards a little looking me up and down and then twirls me around. Capturing his cheek with the palm of my hand I rest my forehead against his. He was nervous, and for him, that was rare. “I keep falling in love with you, over and over, each day.” His voice is pure, a soft tremble “when everything is falling apart, you’ll fuel me to keep going on, the best part of me is you. You became the mother of my children and now you’re about to become my wife. I will always stand by your side with unconditional love” I could tell his nerves eased away as I captured his lips with mine in a sweet caress, his tongue sweeps between my lips indulging into a long emotional heartfelt kiss. His hands resting at the small of my back inching me closer to him. Breathless I break from his hold, wiping some smudged lipstick from his lips. It is then that I notice a young brunette and tall guy capturing every moment of our first look with professional camera’s. Clearing my throat I run a hand through my hair “You’re in luck this didn’t turn into an R-rated version” Bursting into a chuckle they introduce themselves as our photographer and videographer for the evening. “I want to capture every single magical moment celebrating our love.” Jared says lacing his fingers with mine. Since then sun was nearly setting Tricia and Rob advice to go for pictures first at the cliffs of big sur. Standing in Jared’s embrace along the rocky coastline, the setting sun reflecting off the beads of my dress and a romantic fog rolling in over the ocean, it feels surreal, as if I’m moving in a dream. I could not feel more beautiful and more happy as in this moment.

With the last of the fading sun through the foggy redwood forest we arrive at the hotel and I shiver when the cool evening breeze hits my skin. Reaching out Jared drapes a fluffy fake fur wrap shawl around me. I halting letting my fingers roam the fur collar “This… this is my mother’s?”  there is a hint of mischief and mystery to the grin forming his lips as he leads me down the path of the enchanted looking forest. We reach an outdoor deck with heathers, decorated with a hundred twinkling fairy lights, blush and white baby’s breath and pampas grass and a long formally set table. "Surprise!" startled I turn around to meet my mother, Constance, Shannon & Ryder, Tomo & Vicki, Tim, Gisella & Andrea, Dean, Mason, Kara, Myke & Kellen and Emma holding Willa standing at the end of the deck. I glance at Jared, whom lovingly brushes an escaped tear from my cheek. "I've had this all planned out, you wouldn't honestly think I'd have us married without the most important people near?" Shannon stalks over and spins me around making the sequin tulle skirt fly up "Sammy you are looking mighty fine".  "Hello there, sexy momma" Tim laughs and I slap his chest. "Oh Timmeh, I missed you!" pulling me close he kisses my temple “Gis!” I shriek flinging my arms around her “I can’t believe you’re here! YOU KEPT THIS A SECRET FROM ME!?” laughing through her tears she glances at Jared “He’s the mastermind behind all of this!” caressing her belly I glance at Andrea “You’re going to have your hands full when this little one arrives” he grins and kisses Gisella’s temple “I’m coming back home” she pipes. “You’re moving back to Los Angeles?” I stare at her in shock, a second stream of tears filling up my eyes. “Yes!” she exclaims. Drying my tears I crouch down as Willa stalks over to me wearing a bright pink dress, princess crown in her curly locks. “you look so pretty” pulling her into a hug I kiss her and run my hands through her curls “Thank you for picking my dress, I love it” she smiles widely “mommy you’re a real princess!” Jared's hand lands in the small of my back as he crouches down next to me and kisses my temple and taps Willa’s nose “This Prince wants to marry his Princess.” He smiles with a wink and turns to me “Lets get hitched?" he asks me "Finally” I giggle capturing his lips and brush a tear from my mom's cheek while passing her.

It's been one hell of a journey the past decade. I've been hurt in monumental ways and made major life decisions.  At 35 I don't regret any decision I've made in the past, I wouldn't trade this life for the world. I'm right where I want to be, where I need to be. I've transformed from a broken, timid girl into a strong, confident woman. Happy and in Love. Until we meet again!  Love and miss you all so much!!!

Xoxo Samantha”

  ---

I glance up from my laptop, a beautiful rich shade of magenta painting the sky, reflecting off the ocean as the sun sets. Running a hand through my soft curly blonde hair, I place my glasses in my hair and close my eyes breathing in the fresh air. Two arms slip around me pulling me into an embrace from behind, his lips warm against my temple. "Happy Marsiversary baby" he muses and I smile turning on my chair. "So you remember" I smile bringing my arms up to cup his face as he sits down next to me and leans in "oh Sammy" his brows arch up "would I ever forget the day this angel walked into my life 10 years ago? Never." his voice is soft and a soft smile tugs his lips. "forever grateful" he muses pressing his lips gentle against mine. I smile and caress his cheek “The kids in bed?” He nods "Still working are we?" Jared asks glancing at the laptop behind me. Chuckling I pat his knee "Some things never change." "What's the latest?" he asks nudging my shoulder and I smile "actually...-" I pause and take my laptop on my lap turning it to him "-I took a trip down memory lane... The latest blog post is... the final excerpt for the Tour Diary." Jared's brows arch up as his eyes scan the drafted blog post in front of him "it's...my…our, honest closure on the chapter" leaning back in my seat I take a sip of my glass of water and run a hand along his shoulder. "If that's okay with you" I reach out, brushing an escaped strand of hair that slipped from his messy man-bun behind his ear. His eyes lock with mine, a soft smile touching his lips. "Fans rarely get a glimpse in our private life, even after acknowledging our relationship all those years ago. We have always been very selective in the family moments we share online and during interviews...” he smiles, hands landing on my growing baby bump. In a few months our family would be complete, after a struggle to get pregnant again, suffering several miscarriages and going through a lengthy adoption process a few years back, we’d be a happy family of five soon. Chuckling slightly feeling a soft kick I place my hand atop his. Jared smiles “I’m ready to share part of it all.” placing the laptop next to him he ushers close to my belly planting a soft kiss “I can’t wait to meet you little Alexander.”

-The End-

(*)  Lyrics taken from : Skylar Gray ft Eminem : Love the way you lie pt2 Visual credits to resp. owners

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Maou-jou 9 - 12 (FINAL) | Idolish7 s2 10 - 15 (FINAL) | SLS 2

I’ve been holding off new seasonals because of other things, but after I post this I’ll have enough time to get around to them. That’s why I can’t guarantee winter 2021 seasonal tags on this post...maybe the next one will have them...

Maou-jou 9

…it seems shopping channels even are the same in the demon world.

Now even the demons have quests! (The frame is different to the princess’s, though.)

Oh! The quest failed.

Neo Alraune: in flower language, “the 2nd coming of happiness”. The worry from a little while ago was, “I’m worried about my brother.” The worry from recently: “I didn’t think about being happy that the princess didn’t kill my brother.”

The penguin demons are pretty cute!

Don’t you know how parents forbid children from sleeping until they finish all their homework? Must be something like that.

Yoku ganbarimashita! – Syalis worked hard!

LOL, mental age: 3. Poseidon likes cute things…I can’t read a lot of this…the hardsubs cover the JPN text.

They…both succeeded! (…LOL?)

Maou-jou 10

Owarinocity = Endopolis. It’s a good equivalent, if I do say so myself.

…oh yeah. What happened to Alraune? Update: There she is!

Also, that blonde guy in the infomercials doesn’t look too bad…*makes chef’s kiss gesture with one hand* Nice.

I wonder, was Twilight once human…?

LOL, there’s a goat symbol on the cleric’s pyjamas. Also “first time”, LOL.

I think they were playing shiritori at one point.

Hanamaru saikou yoku dekimashita!

Maou-jou 11

…How does one “sleep cheerfully”, anyway?

I think I saw Twilight drop something…some kind of paper…

Aw, Twilight blushing is kinda cute!

LOL, 70s shoujo style. Also, “It cannot be!”

Whoa, she cancelled it?!

I read up on this series on TV Tropes…and apparently the Demon King captured the Princess in her sleep.

Kagemusha? Like a ninja or something?

Apparently the Demon Cleric is much older than he looks.

Ooh! Hypnos is back!

A-whatsit really is abysmal levels of stupid!!! (LOL)

Maou-jou 12 (FINAL)

Who’s that one tiny guy occupying one of the Ten Kings’ seats?

*watching after Christmas, about a week after the anime finished* This is not seasonally appropriate!

…*thinks for a second, then spits* That’s the 2nd Nemu in the fall 2020 season!!!

Ooh, the head paladin doesn’t look that bad, either.

“…is it good to be…”

“…has seized the princess!”

“…that demon king is rather cute.” – See? Someone agrees with me.

Anyways, that was a fun series. See you soon!

Idolish7 s2 10

…Back at it after so long…(I can’t help it though – Crunchyroll, per month, is about double the local Funimation sublicensor’s fees, and for much less content that’s worth my money to boot!)

I’ve always thought Momo was like Sasara (HypMic), so seeing him anguished hurts me in the kokoro too…

I know Banri was involved with Re:vale somehow…this must be it.

…Male idols are also popular among men? Is this why there are 8 (!!!) idol anime in winter 2021 alone…? (Also, that’s why HypMic became popular? Multidemographic appeal crossed over with obvious merchandising opportunities?)

It’s kind of scary how Momo stepped the formality towards Yuki like that (to -san).

I guess in his heart Momo still reveres Yuki, some way or another.

The rakugo curtain really sold the moment that they (current Re:vale) were acting like an old married couple.

Yay! Silver Sky is such a cool song! Of course I recognised the intro when it came on.

…I see. The elder Kujo is entrusting his dream to Tenn, so that’s why he banned Aya from seeing Tamaki. However, it’s hard to know what to feel when Aya speaks in the vaguest terms possible.

I think that was a special ending for only this episode. I don’t know what its name is, but I guess I might recognise it on Spotify one day.

Idolish7 s2 11

LOL, Nagi’s reaction.

Considering the ‘rona is getting worse outside our very windows as we speak (type?), I think it’s correct to be concerned about your future right now.

Looking at these narrow streets reminds me of going to eat hotpot at the end of my Japan trip…only Japanese streets look like that, I think. Hong Kong’s streets are more crowded than that and America likes their suburbia.

Of course, when you say hajimemashite (nice to meet you), someone’s gotta say it back, hence the reply.

Considering there are people all over the world watching the Idolish7 anime, I would say you are telling the world about I7, Riku.

Oh! Restart Pointer! There was an MV for that one…I think it was around the time Idolish7’s MVs started getting better.

So this is the context around the new outfits! Cool!

There have been way too many puns about “idol” being…y’know, “ai (love) doll” and stuff like that…

I have one Twitter person who I follow (DejiNyucu, part of the creative team for Autumn’s Journey) because I don’t get much I7 content and they keep mentioning this “Haruki” person…and suddenly a “Haruki the Betrayer” showed up in the graffiti…they might be the same person, I think. Not Deji, but Haruki. Update: Sakura Haruki, perhaps…?

Sougo’s such a bad liar…

Sometimes, the best way to deal with things is to be direct…(I’m not very good at that, I naturally talk in a very roundabout sort of way.)

Sougo with long hair like Yuki would be really pretty… (<- has an obvious thing for guys with long hair)

Idolish7 s2 12

Nagi’s stupid accent is generally what he’s best remembered for (for me), so seeing him speak normally, and do a press conference on top of that, is…impressive.

A kabedon on top of all this! Whoa!

Shibuya 109 parody…? (I’ve seen that once or twice – parodying that means people know their stuff about Shibuya.)

I think the “it’s overflowing!” is referring to the hype in the “room”.

…this dejected Momo is worrying…(well, he is worrying and I am worrying about him.)

Oh, I see. The person responsible typed the letter so that they couldn’t be traced back. Kind of like those old movies where the culprit would cut letters out of newspapers to make threat mail, but…with even less traces than that, because cutting letters out leaves evidence.

…wow, it took a while for this ep. to have an intro…

…LOL, I just spotted Kenjiro Tsuda cited as the “fake Zero”, meaning the real one might never show up this season.

There’s something really stupid and infectious about these managers’ enthusiasm for drinking energy drinks. It puts a goofy smile on my face.

Is Musubi Tsumugi’s mother…? Update: Yes, she is.

…Wait, so the Chiba Shizuo guy is actually important?!

Idolish7 s2 13

Whenever someone says “by the way”, it means they’re changing the subject. I hate to state to obvious, but Sougo is clearly deflecting the topic of conversation from being about him.

I wonder if this guy (Haw9) is the actual Zero graffiti vandal…?

Hmph, I didn’t realise Tenn doesn’t refer to Kujo-san as his father, but…like that (“Kujo-san”) instead.

Oh hey! These are shots from Vibrato!

Most dramas can be solved with the power of Good Communication. That includes this one.

I feel like “he has a dark side” describes both Tenn and Kujo-san.

“Everyone, remember to wash your hands and gargle thoroughly.” – This is always a good thing to remember in the time of ‘rona. Reminds me of Jakurai’s line in ARB (<- this game started just after the ‘rona came down).

What did Sougo go to uni for (what specialisation)?

Idolish7 s2 14

I just realised Banri calls Momo -kun. Hmm…

Denki = electricity, LOL.

I feel like Tenn is basically Ramuda, give or take actual pink hair…guys in musical groups with pre-existing angst that they become the “centre” of. The fact Fling Posse have Saito Soma and so do Trigger strengthens the connection.

I would watch the heck out of a musical like that! Make it come true, Idolish7! (Also, today is I7 day! I’m not much of an I7 fan outside the anime, but…that’s cool!)

That shot of them jumping! I remember seeing it on the official site before!

Idolish7 s2 15 (FINAL)

There you go! I was wondering where Banri’s injury was – that was the only bit that didn’t add up for him to be Yuki’s old partner.

Hmm…Momo is 4 years younger than Yuki but 2 years younger than Banri…

This episode has a real concert vibe to it, to the point where I got startled by how loud the yell was at one point. (Even if it is mostly stills.)

LOL, lookit Okazaki!

Apparently, if you’re a hako oshi, you like all the members of a group. Someone with a green light and a pink light likes both members of Re:vale.

LOL, Usagi for Asahi beer.

…I forgot Nagi is 19.

…Ooh, I think that’s the kid from ZOOL. No wonder they needed a season 3!

That’s all. See you next time!

SLS 2

“fine and upstanding person” – That’s…hard to believe, Hayato.

I wonder how many bois Toboso designed for SLS…?

…The episode title is actually “Blank”. Not “Break”.

One of the guys’ shirts says moteki on it. That’s a period in one’s life where one enjoys more romantic attention than usual, literally “popularity season”.

The subs missed an I, so initially I knew Kiriyama’s name as “Kiryama”.

There are meant to be 2 wings, right…?

“He who controls information controls everything, right?” – For once, I’m surprised Hayato is right (and not just in that smug way of his).

“…I’m being treated like a manager.” – But Hayato is a manager! (In a sense.)

The plait guy jumps to nicknames really fast…also, why do I get the feeling Maeshima will lose the key?

I hate to say this Maeshima, but I side with your childhood friend (Kiriyama) here. As much as the anime wants me to back you, I’m watching for everyone else at this point.

That blocky building looks pretty cool. I think Zel (Archi-Anime) would like it.

Sasugai’s setup looks pretty cool, including his chair.

…hmm, Maeshima’s like me in a sense. I learn best by copying others, but memory is my best asset. If I don’t regularly train the fundamentals, I suck at everything. That said, I don’t have an eidetic memory. Also, I didn’t quite figure out Ken = Ken(sei Maeshima) until I watched long enough to connect the dots.

LOL, Derry’s. (<- reminded of a word for “butt” <- derriere)

Well, the guy’s (Souta…?) shirt does say moteki…

Kiriyama kinda looks like Jyuto (HypMic), come to think of it…Right down to his angry streak (although Jyuto has a reputation to keep as a “cool dude”, while Kiriyama is more of a Manza (Boueibu HK) and he’s more angry than he looks).

…This ED is nothing special.

…Hmm? Is that a small Terauchi and Maeshima…?

I think I’m sold for now, but I’m rooting for the other team, not Maeshima’s…not yet, anyways.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Give love one more chance; Gwilym Lee x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello everyone well I have yet another request that came from my wattpad account and this time the request is all about our lovely mini-Bri Gwilym Lee. Now as a warning THERE IS HEAVY MENTIONS OF CHEATING (not on Gwil’s part but it’s for the back story) and due to that there is angst but I PROMISE FLUFF IS THROUGHOUT MOST OF THIS STORY esp. once the ending comes around. So I hope you all enjoy this little fic and until the next update my darlings :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@waddles03​

@ixchel-9275​

@georgesgentlyweepingguitar​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@simonedk​

@kairosfreddie​

__________________________________________________________

I was walking around the main stage set where they would be filming the most iconic scene ever, the Live Aid sequence. I was just in awe at how the stage designers were following everything by the book, from the brick wall patterns, to the posters that hung on them at the time, even some of the paint chipping away.

For those that are curious, the name’s (y/n) (l/n). I’ve been on the road with Queen ever since they started working alongside my best friend, Adam Lambert.  Yep, Adam and I go way back since middle school as a matter of fact.  We were both the awkward kids who no one really paid attention too and loved classic rock, esp. Queen.  When Adam told me he was planning to audition for American Idol, I just couldn’t let him go on alone.

I was his big supporter and went to every live performance cheering him from the sidelines, even helping his team organize and making sure he had everything he needed to his performances.  And even though he was a runner up, he was still a winner in my book.  Then when he came out to me as well as the world about his sexuality, that didn’t change my perspective of him.  I stuck by him because we were the Odd-kids through thick and thin.

Then by 2014 he met up once again with Queen a few years after performing with them back during his season of American Idol and that’s when they offered Adam to be the new leading man for their concerts and thus Queen+Adam Lambert was born.

And then just two years later, Queen officially began to project that was the film ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’  Adam had invited me along since he had a small little cameo to play and he said that I could potentially have a small role in the film too, but I turned to role down.  I just—never really fit well with a camera’s attention on me.

But here I am as support for Adam as well as Brian and Roger.  Those two men have really become role models and sorta like second dad’s to me in a way. When life got to stressful on the road; Brian always took me aside and the two of us would look at the SaveMe animal videos he had on his website, while Roger was the one with the good therapeutic music to listen to, he even got me into some bands that I never really had the chance to listen too.  Even his former solo band’s ‘The Cross’ music.

“Oh my god. This is beautiful.” It was then I bumped into someone’s back.

“Oh sorry my fault.” We both said at the same time but when I looked up to see just who it was that I had bumped into, I felt like I needed to do a double take because I swear to god I thought I was looking at Brian May at the time of Live Aid.

“Wow you’re gorgeous.” I thought I had said in my head but apparently my lips just had to voice it out loud to him. Embarrassingly I hid my face but I heard the Brian look-alike softly chuckle and he said.

“It’s fine love, I’m flattered, really. Guess I really look the part don’t I?”

“Yeah.” I nervously giggled.

“I’m Gwilym. And as you can probably tell by the wig, I’m playing Brian May in the film.”

“(Y/n). I’m uhh—Adam’s best friend.” God could this be any more humiliating.

“Oh so you’re the one Brian and Roger told us about. The clever roadie.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself clever. They just flatter me because I work for them.”

“No, no, no. Brian especially talks about how you’ve been able to work on fixing all the AMPS that break down during rehearsal, or knowing when exactly his red special needs a tuning or new string set.” I blushed and that’s when he said, “Oh I’ve gone and rambled making you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry (y/n).”

“It’s fine Gwilym. So is this your first acting gig? Or have you been doing this for a while?”

“I guess you could call me a child actor. My first gig was in a show called Animal Ark, I think I was 13 years old when I auditioned for it. Then after getting my education I dived fully into the acting industry with a few television shows and a few movies. My recent big project was when I was in Midsomer murders, have you heard that show?”

“I think so. My dad was always into British tv more than American tv. Even though he was born in Minnesota.”

“I was only on for only 3 series before I went into some other projects.”

“Well I’d love to see the show sometime. And you said it was called midtown murders?”

“Midsomer, actually.”

“Oh right sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

And that’s kinda what we ended up doing.  We just sat there and talked right up until it was time to start filming.  I wished him good luck and as the actors got into place, I stood beside Roger, Brian’s daughter Emily and Peter “Phoebe” Freestone.  Shortly after the boys entered the stage much like Queen did 31 years Brian came up and sat down beside me and that’s when Rami, who was playing Freddie, set down at the piano and the guys all began to play the full Live Aid set.

As I looked at each of them I knew each of these guys had done their homework.  And seeing them in full costume and shtick, it was like I was actually there at the concert seeing them.  Of course my eyes were especially focused on Gwil who played Brian’s red special with such ease and finesse, it was like I was really watching Brian during the time of Live Aid.

Of course being a Queen fan, I couldn’t help but interact with each song they did, the double handclap for Radio Gaga and We will rock you, following along to the Aye-oh’s, headbanging to Hammer to fall, dancing to Crazy little thing called love, and swaying to We are the champions.

After doing several rehearsals, Dexter finally decided to film the guys for real this time.  And even though it was cold and the guys were probably exhausted, they still managed to perform the whole show once more with even more energy and enthusiasm when the cameras were really recording.  By the end of it all, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

When I finally came backstage after the guys and some of the crew congratulated them on a job well done, I don’t know why it happened but I couldn’t help but fling myself towards Gwilym and embrace him.

“Seems our Brian look-alike has found his little groupie.” Teased Rami using his Freddie voice.  At that point I backed away and released him.

“Sorry. I just—got a little excited. Seeing you four up there it was like—finally seeing all four members of Queen back together for the first time in a long time.”

“We’re glad you loved it (y/n).” Gwilym said with a soft smile that made butterflies tickle my stomach.

“So you said you love Queen? What’s your favorite song of theirs?” asked the John Deacon look alike, damn much like Gwil, he definitely looked like Deacy, I can see why the casting directors chose him, it was like he was his son or something.

“Oh god well don’t tell them this but it’s definitely Somebody to love.”

“I like her already. We match!” he raised his hand up for a high five which I complied to give him as he introduced himself as Joe Mazzello.

Pretty soon I knew the other two actor’s names, Ben Hardy who was playing Roger, and Rami Malek who was playing the legend himself Freddie Mercury.

*Brian’s POV*

As I watched our genius little roadie chat up with the actors playing us, my mind kept going back to that hug she gave my look-alike.

“I know you saw that right, I mean I maybe blind as a fucking bat but I know my eyes didn’t deceive me on what I just saw.” Roger said as he came up to me.

“Your eyes do not lie Rog. I saw what you saw.”

“You know our girl doesn’t just hug any random guy.”

“Yep. And that shy little gleam in her eyes, dare I say I think our mini-Deacy is in love with my look alike.”

“Not to say I’m happy for her, but I feel like she could’ve chose better.” Roger teased.

“Oh shut it you old tart, you’re just jealous she didn’t pick your actor.”

“Nothing against yours, cause bloody hell it’s like I’m looking at you 30 years ago over there.” I softly chuckle. Yeah they definitely casted the perfect actor to play me, and seeing Gwilym with the wig on its…..mind boggling (although I had to slightly adjust the wig a bit) but other than that he was perfect. “So, shall we go and confront her about it?”

“Now hold on Rog, you know how she gets when she’s being fully confronted. She’ll completely shut down. Let’s—wait it out. See what happens, and then we’ll see if this is something to discuss with her. But it’ll be on my terms.”

“You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.” I shook my head at Roger’s statement before turning back towards (y/n) and Gwilym.  Seeing the two of them talking and laughing with each other warmed my heart.  Because ever since we’ve met her, (y/n) has been the best roadie we’ve ever had.  She’s always on top of every sound and light equipment we’ve got, she knows how Adam likes his speakers to sound and she’s even clever enough to see when I need a new string set on my guitars or when Roger’s kit needs a tuning because of a loose screw that might’ve happened while unloading.

But for whatever reason she sometimes puts herself down, claiming that she’s not all what we’ve both told her she is. That she’d rather just remain invisible, and I can understand some of her pain because I’ve been there myself with my own self-doubt and insecurities.  So I hope that if her and Gwilym do somehow manage to form a relationship, he could probably help her see that she is more than she seems.

*My POV*

After a couple weeks of being on set, Gwil and I were definitely spending a lot of time together and every time we got the chance to hang out, we’d talk about our lives or love of Queen.

“So you and Adam Lambert really knew each other that long?” he asked me.

“Yep. It just happened one day during lunch, I was the new kid in town and I feared no one wanted to hang out with me so I ended up eating in the courtyard by myself when Adam, all donned up with his green dyed stripped bangs introduced himself and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“So he was even extravagant even back then.”

“Yep. Then when we found out we both had a love for Queen, he refused to let me out of his life afterwards, cause I was the only friend he had that liked or even knew who Queen were.”

“Wait are you serious?”

“Dead serious. It’s hard to find people to talk about classic rock with when all they cared about was the rap music or Britney Spears. Or spice girls.”

“Wow.”

“So how did you come to know Queen’s music?”

“You’ll have to thank my old brother. He had basically almost every single Queen record there was, one day I heard him play Bohemian Rhapsody and I was curious. And I guess you could say the rest is history.”

“Well then your brother gets an A+ from me for good music taste.”

“So how is it touring with Queen and Adam?”

“Well I’ve toured with Adam for so long it just feels like a normal hang out day for us. Once he got the offer to tour with Queen themselves it was like not only meeting my role models but they became family to us. Brian and I have a common love for animals, so much so that I’ve become a daily donor to his SaveMe organization.”

“Hey Gwilym. They’re ready to start filming.” One of the producers came up.

“Well that’s my cue, see you after?”

“You bet.” We stood up and I went ahead and sat down at one of the chairs and watched as the guys did the performance for a Japan concert.  I’ll admit even with the 70’s silk/satin angel shirt that he was wearing, he still looked pretty handsome and he sure was a brilliant guitarist if I do say so myself.

“I see what you’re doing.” Adam’s sing-song voice whispered in my ear.  I came out of my daze and whispered to him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me dearie. I have eyes I’m not blind.” I shook my head and went back to paying attention to the guys now doing Brian’s song ’39.  I clapped along with the song and softly sung the words (cause out of every song Bri had written, this was definitely my #1 fav.)  When Dexter called cut, I suddenly felt myself being dragged away and soon found myself in a closet of sorts.

“Adam what the fuck is the matter with you?”

“Well would you rather talk about this out there where everyone can hear, potentially your secret lover too?” I immediately covered his mouth with my hand and I hissed at him as I shushed him.

“Shh! Shh! Speak louder why don’t you I don’t think they heard all the way from Glasgow!” I then retracted my hand in disgust as I felt him actually lick my palm. “Why must you do that?”

“Cause I know it annoys you.” He shrugged.

“You can be such an asshole sometimes Lambert.”

“Yeah but you always stick around me dearie.” He said smugly as he leaned up against the wall of the closet crossing his arms. “Now as I was saying back there, you’re really starting to get attached to Brian’s mini-him aren’t you?”

“No!” I snapped abruptly.  He quirked his brow at me before I cleared my throat and said. “No, we’re just friends is all Adam. In fact if you keep going down this path, I might just replace you with him.”

“That hurts (n/n), that really hurts.” He mocked in pain as he placed his hand over his heart and gave me the puppy dog pout. “But girl c’mon for realzies, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up, okay can you just drop it? Now if you’ll excuse me Gwilym and I are due for a coffee break.” I walked out of the closet and stormed out trying to get my mind off of what Adam was hinting.  As I was walking, I soon came up to Gwilym and when he saw me he smiled and I tried to calm my anger down as I approached him calmly.

“You okay (y/n)?”

“Yeah, yeah why would you say that?”

“Just—for a moment it looked like you were pissed at something.”

“Oh nothing you need to worry about, so you free for some coffee and catering? I know you’ve got a long day ahead of you, might not be a bad idea to have a good lunch.”

“Great because I had to skip breakfast when my alarm failed to wake me up this morning.”

“Well then we better hurry. We need food stat, can’t have one of the four Queen members perform on an empty belly.” We then raced over towards the catering and got us some food and coffee.

When we got it and was now walking through the studio where they were now setting up the Madison Square Garden set just opposite of where the Japan stage was earlier this morning.

“Wait so that actually happened?” asked Gwilym.

“He tries to deny it and blames it on the poor lighting the camera had but don’t be fooled. His son Rufus told me the whole story of how it happened.”

“I can’t believe he made his hair green.”

“His hair was already blonde as it was, he’s lucky it didn’t make his hair bleach blonde.”

“Well that’s not as funny as Joe thinking he’ll be able to wash out that perm he got.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa he thinks what now?”

“Yeah Joe thinks that in the next week or two it’s gonna grow out and go back to normal.”

“Oh my god Joey!” I laughed.

“Like just the other night we were all out in the pub the four of us and he was chatting away to a girl with his Yankees cap on. So I went up and flipped the hat off and said as I pointed to his hair ‘he’s got a perm’!” I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“You are so bad.”

“Yeah. Bad wingman but good friend.” I continued laughing which turned into giggles.

“Ahh Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey.”

“GAHH SON OF A BITCH!!!” we both heard someone call out.

“Uh-oh.” I said as Gwil and I looked at each other and set out stuff aside on a nearby table before racing across the studio and I asked. “What happened?”

“Damn circuits in these lights shocked me and now I can barely feel my hand anymore.” Said one of the light engineers.

“Okay, okay here let me see it.” I walked up to him and held his hand in both of mine.  There was some slight swelling but I thankfully no serious burn marks. “Well good news is, is that there’s no serious burn marks. But it is swollen red. I suggest some ice and rest for the rest of the day. And get a medic to check out your reflexes in case the shock might’ve nulled your muscles.”

“But we need another light technician to help us raise these lights for the Madison Square Garden set.” Said a female volunteer.

“You’re looking at your spare one. Besides I’ve spent my whole life with Roger and Brian to know how they want MSG to look. Now, what’s your name?” I turned to the guy who got shocked.

“Arnold.”

“Arnold, go see a medic about your injury and take the rest of the day off. Anyone asks or has a problem with it, send them my way, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” He said with a slight smile before heading out to the medics trailer.

“Okay now what exactly are we dealing with here?” I asked the seven other light technicians.

“Well we’re trying to make sure all these lights intersect with each other so that they can change colors like they do at the real MSG. Arnold was working on the main circuit board to work the code in when it backfired and you heard what happened as the result.”

“Okay well first things first it could’ve been prevented if he were wearing gloves, rookie mistake.” I then took out my gloves that I always keep on me in my back pocket and put them on. “Goggles.” I said as I extended my arm out and someone handed me some spare goggles.  Once I had them on I proceeded to work.

I called out for various equipment pieces like the 4 in 1 Podger rachet, a Leatherman supertool, and some batteries. Once I had the main board opened I began working on finding the loose circuit that probably caused Arnold’s shocking surprise because that needed to be fixed immediately.

Using a mini-flashlight I managed to find the area and found the problem.

“Okay I see the problem. Can someone hold the flashlight for me?”

“I got it.” Said one of the female volunteers as she came up and took the flashlight from me and I went right to work on the wires, making sure they were tucked in correctly and un exposed.  It took some time but by the end of it all, I punched the code that was needed for the lights to turn on.

“There, that should do it.” I said as I took my gloves off and removed my goggles.

“Okay boys raise her up!” called the main lighting technician and soon the lights were raised up.  Then using his phone, he activated the lights and they soon began shining into a red and blue pattern that would go along with the orange, yellow and green pattern.  The light technicians clapped and thanked me for the assistance and when I turned to Gwil, he just had this awed look on his face.

“Sorry you had to see that. Whenever I hear a technical problem I just gotta jump in.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I was amazed to see how you were able to work all that out.”

“Oh it’s not that hard. All I had to do was just tighten the circuits and then replace the batteries while also—oh there I go again. My tech ramblings again, sorry if I’m boring you Gwilym you don’t need to hear all that.”

“No, no, no it’s genius. I mean back when I was doing theater in secondary and university, I never really had a good grasp on the tech theater side of it even though I was trying my best.”

“Not everyone does. I was the only one who took the class seriously back in high school. Everyone else rather just look at their magazines or porno books. Don’t ask me how they snuck it in.”

“Wow, well thankfully they had you to take it seriously.”

“Uh-huh.” I said sadly as I looked down and rubbed my wrist nervously.

“(Y/n)?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just—thinking back.”

“Anything you’d…..like to share? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“Thank Gwilym but I don’t wanna bore you with my life. C’mon let’s get back to our food before you’re needed on set again.” I said as I walked away and went back to my donuts and Cinnabons.  Gwil followed behind me and began to eat his celery and carrots as well as drinking his coffee, as we ate I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him up until I finished my things and tossed them in the bin before heading out.

Making an excuse that Bri and Rog had texted me saying that they wanted to talk about the lighting and sound for their next concert.

Later that night as everyone was packing up to do some of the outdoor scenes like Adam’s big cameo appearance, I found myself standing away from the set just staring up at the night sky.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I looked up to see Gwil coming by to sit beside me in the spare chair where Adam was just sitting at before he went to hair and makeup.

“Just—taking in the sky.” He looked up and he said.

“It’s a full moon out tonight.”

“Yep. The one time for a straight week where the tides are stronger and can sometimes have an effect on the human mind.”

“Quite the philosopher you are.”

“Well I did minor in it in college. My major was in electrical engineering.”

“So not only good with your hands but also a brilliant mind in philosophy as well. No wonder why Brian calls you the mini-Deacy.” I smiled briefly.

“The reason why I know about the full moon is because of him. He did give me a little lecture on astronomy. But I’d be lying if I didn’t have a fascination with space already. Just—never could understand the specific science talk it came with.”

“I hear yah. When I was a kid; my brother and I would go out to the backyard and we’d just look up at the stars and make as many pictures with them as we could. Sometimes we even stayed out all night. Worried my mum to no end.”

“I think it’d worry me too if my kids ended up staying outside in the cold night with no blankets or a tent to sleep in.” we turned to look at each other and once again Gwil had this awed look on his face, just like he did this afternoon. “What is it?”

“Nothing it’s just…..” he trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Your eyes.”

“M—my eyes?”

“They….they sparkle underneath the moonlight. Almost like they were two stars themselves.” I was speechless.  I felt my heart race and my face beginning to heat up.  I turned away probably blushing as red as an apple right now.  I felt Gwil’s hand gently go on top of mine, before intertwining them together which made me look up at him.  It was then I saw him lean closer towards me, his forehead pressing against mine while his nose gently brushed up against mine.

At this point I could hear my heart racing in my ears as the smell of his cologne sent me into a hypnotic state.  I felt his hand cup the side of my face as he faintly whispered.

“So beautiful.” But just before he could kiss me, Joe’s voice could be heard from a mile away.

“YO GWIL WHERE ARE YAH!? WE’RE ABOUT TO START FILMING!!!”

“If this is payback for the pub he’s so gonna get it.” I heard him mutter angrily.  He turned back towards me and he said, “Sorry love.”

“It’s okay.” I strained out. “Just, just, just, just go film your scenes for the night.” I said as I crossed my arms over me protectively and looked down.  I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t find the strength to do so.  I then heard him walk away and that’s when the tears started pouring down.

I took off running to the nearest place I could find.  I didn’t even bother to look and see what it was, all I wanted to know was that I could be alone and that I could cry to myself in peace.  I collapsed to the floor on my butt and tucked my legs up into my chest and began to softly cry.

I don’t know how long I was crying in wherever I was for but it was then I heard the door open and soon coming in was Adam and Rami.

“(Y/n)?” Adam said surprised.  I felt myself being torn down as I had finally been revealed. I must’ve came into the hair and makeup trailer and now that they were probably calling it quits, everyone would soon come in and see me crying my eyes out.

“(Y/n) you okay?” Rami asked.

“Hey uhh Rami could you give us a moment alone? Maybe guard the door so that no one comes in just yet?”

“Yeah, yeah sure thing.” I heard the door shut and that’s when I saw Adam sit down in front of me.  I looked up at him to see him in the truck driver get up with the full beard and long haired wig.

“You were right. Okay you wanna hear me say it Adam Lambert?! You were right! I’m in love with Gwilym Lee!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa okay. Okay. Calm down, calm down.” He said as he cautiously reached forward and gently gripped my arms in his hands. “I’m happy you finally came to terms with it dearie, that’s great news actually. But what’s got you so upset?”

“For Christ sake Adam tell me you didn’t forget about the bullying I had to endure all throughout middle and high school! And Jared!” at the mention of the boy’s name his eyes widened and he said.

“Okay hold on, wait just a damn second. Gwilym is nowhere near what that dick Jared was. I’ve seen the two of you together and he makes you happier way more than what Jared did.”

“Well Jared made me happy until he did what he did!” I looked down at my knees and continued lowly, “Oh Adam. I thought I could just keep up a friendship with Gwilym, but now I—” I trailed off as more sobs came up my throat as I choked out, “Now I…..I wish I never came here!” I then broke down once more.

I felt Adam sit close beside me before he wrapped his arms around me bringing me into his chest and kissing my forehead as he rubbed my back in soothing circles and stroked down my hair.

Once I calmed down after what felt like crying all night, Adam took me out of the trailer and already I could see a crowd of people including Gwil standing around asking all sorts of questions at seeing me.

“Guys please. No questions are necessary and please don’t ask me because I won’t answer them either. What was said in the trailer stays between (y/n) and me.” Adam made a clear statement before finally taking me away to find Brian or Roger.

When we finally came across Roger, he soon got protective and asked.

“What happened?”

“Roger could you just take (y/n) back to the hotel, I’ll explain later.”

“Alright, come with me lovie.” I was soon switched out from Adam’s arms to Roger’s and he guided me towards his car.  He helped me into the backseat where I could hide away while he drove us back to the hotel.

I was now in my room lying on my bed hiding under the blankets after just spending a long time under the hot water trying to get rid of the memories of Jared.

You see—I had met Jared during the first collaboration with Adam and Queen.  He was actually one of Brian’s roadies and helped set up all of Brian’s AMPS.  We had a common love for electronics and gradated with the same major even being an ocean apart.  We shortly began dating afterwards and were madly in love.

But when a serious accident caused him to take an early retirement from being on the road since the damage had been done to his lower back.  Which left me to go on the road with Queen and Adam, but we still kept in touch.

Fast forward to just a year ago after four years of dating, I began to wonder if there was gonna be a future with the two of us together.  So one day after we had gotten done with a tour, I get a text from Jared saying that the next night he wanted to meet me at the very restaurant where we had our first official date at.  Adam of course was thrilled thinking that a proposal was in the horizon so he helped me get dolled up the next morning (even with him being completely jetlagged) and I met Jared at our restaurant.

I was trembling with anxiety but also with joy. He took my hand, looked deep into my eyes and that’s when he dropped the bombshell, but it wasn’t what you’d think it was.  Jared had confessed to me in our restaurant where we had our first date, along with many others that he had been cheating on me.

But not just with one woman, not two, not three, but lots of women.  All in the entire span we had been dating.

I refused to listen to anything else he had to say as he tried to defend himself.  But no that’s not the worst part, the worst part of it was, was that the following day (after crying in Adam’s arms all day), Jared came to the stage where Queen and Adam were performing in London and tried to win me back. Saying that it was just a fluck and that he still loved me with all his heart.

He’d constantly tried to call or text me over 100 times a day.  The harassment went on for months till finally I had a restraining order put against him and if he should violate it in the state of England, he’d be arrested. To which he was and was sentenced to five years in jail for refusal to obey the restraining order as well as stalking (yeah he’d stalk me cross country during some of the tours and even snuck backstage and confronted me with arms open and tears rolling down his face).

Ever since then, I’d been afraid to love again because what if they end up being another Jared.  Charming, sweet, noble, funny and charismatic, but the second I turn my back he’d go and sleep with half the women in America. And then make me to be the bad guy because I couldn’t give them a chance to explain why he had to cheat.

I heard a knock at the door and I could only groan as my door soon opened and I felt three separate dips around my bed.

“Adam told us (y/n).” Brian’s voice said. I groaned and buried myself into my pillow.

“You know you’ll suffocate yourself if you do that.” Adam said.

“Better that than dealing with this bitch.” I groaned pitifully.

“C’mon (n/n), come out from under there and look at us.” Roger said. I shot up and glared at him and said.

“There, happy? Goodnight!” before I could collapse back down onto the bed, Adam held me up and trapped me in his arms as he said.

“Stay out here.”

“(Y/n). We know that—you know who really hurt you.” Brian started off.

“Hurt doesn’t even come close to how I felt the day he told me that. God never did I want to kill someone until that day.”

“I don’t blame you, none of us do.” Adam said as he rubbed my back. “But you can’t let what Jared did affect you for the rest of your life.”

“Think it’s already a little too late for that.”

“No it’s not. Because look at what you’ve accomplished since his arrest. The only guys you had a close connection with are me and the guys. Now you’ve become friends with Rami, Ben, Joe and Gwil. And what’s even greater is that you’ve come to accept that you’re starting to have feelings for Gwil.” Adam said.  I looked down and I said.

“How do I know it’ll work out? What if it’s like Jared all over again?”

“You’ll never know unless you go for it.” Roger said. I looked between the three of them but didn’t answer.

“The choice is up to you (y/n). Just make sure that whatever you do decide, you won’t regret it. And just listen to your heart. We’ll support you no matter what you choose.” Brian said as he placed a comforting hand to my shoulder.  I nodded and thanked the guys as they brought me into a group hug.

The next morning I came onto set for the last time (since Adam was done with his cameo, he was needed back at the studio to promote some of his solo stuff, and as his SM manager I needed to be there to spread the word) to confront Gwilym and finally let go of the past (if I could).

I walked around the set till I finally found the person I was searching for.  He was fiddling around with a mock Red special practicing before he would have to film the ‘We will rock you’ scene.  I took a deep breath in before exhaling out and walked towards him.

“Hey Gwil?” he looked up at me and said.

“(Y/n). You’re—you’re still here. I thought you and Adam already left?”

“No, not till tomorrow. I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. About……” I trailed off and that’s when he stood up setting the guitar down and finished my thought.

“About last night?” I nodded. He sighed heavily as he pressed his hands to his face, “I’m really sorry (y/n). I never meant to upset, I was impulsive and stupid to do that. Can we just forget what happened? I was way out of line.”

“Actually Gwilym I—I have something to confess. But can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Of course, we can talk in my trailer. If you’re comfortable with that.” I nodded and soon the two of us headed towards his trailer.

When we got there, he closed the door and I sat down on his sofa while he sat down at one of his chairs and said.

“Okay (y/n), what is it you need to confess?” my leg was bouncing up and down as I tried to formulate the words that I was about to tell him.  I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

“God I’m sorry.” I choked out.

“No, no, no never feel sorry about this. Please take your time.”

“Last night I—I wasn’t upset because of the, well the about to be kiss. In fact I—I wanted to kiss you too.”

“But.” He stated knowing that I had something else to add on.

“There’s a—reason why I’m so insecure about myself. And—why I haven’t been in a relationship.” I then proceeded to tell him everything.  From the bullies at school, to Jared’s story and how badly he had hurt me. Used me. Treated me like trash.  By the end of it all, Gwil was leaning up against his chair with a heavy expression.

“That son of a—bloody hell. (Y/n) I—I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that hell.”

“Brian, Roger and Adam made it easier on me. After his arrest they allowed me to take some time off from the rest of the tour that I was dealing with to decompress from all that stress. I thought I would never love someone ever again. Until……I met you.” I admitted the last part shyly.

“You—you love me?”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just—had to get it off my chest. So if I’ve made things awkward between us now, I’m sorry. We don’t have to see each other again.”

“(Y/n), (y/n) (y/n) (y/n) (y/n), (y/n).” Gwil came up and knelt in front of me and held my face in his hands. “Sorry you were starting to ramble on so much I could barely understand you.”

“Sorry. Adam always said I did that whenever I get to anxious. Bad trait of mine.”

“No worries love. Now to put your fears and anxiety aside, I want to tell you that I felt the same way about you. After spending these last few weeks together, I came to know the real you and not just through the stories from Brian and Roger. But now hearing this story, which I commend you for telling me. I know you didn’t have to tell me but you did. And I could go on and on about my feelings for you but to summarize it all up, if you’ll give me a chance. I’ll show you that not all men are like that selfish arsehole. I can be the man you deserve. The one who will treat you right, like you’re the only women left on Earth.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“The only girl I’ll love as much as you is my mum.” I smiled and pressed my forehead against Gwil’s and softly thanked him. “I promise (y/n). You’ll be my clever girl.”

“Think I like the sound of that.”

“Well you better get used to it, because there will be a lot of cute little nicknames in the future.”

“Just as long as you don’t give me any cheesy ones like bunny, or cupcake, or turtledove.”

“Spoil sport. And those were the first three I was thinking of.” I softly laughed as a true genuine smile came across my face. “And there’s that beautiful smile that makes me week at the knees. Next to your eyes, your smile is the brightest thing about you.”

“Gwil stop it you’re making me blush.” He softly chuckled before slowly leaning his lips towards mine and he gave me a soft kiss. When I felt that sudden bolt of electricity shoot up my spine, I knew that Gwil was definitely going to be different than Jared.  Even with that soft peck, there was so much passion and love in it that Jared never brought me.

I leaned forward and captured his lips once more, this time brushing my fingers through his short brown hair as I felt his arms slowly wrap further around me.

This was gonna be an adjustment in the days to come. After coming out of the relationship I had, I knew there would be some doubts in the future, especially with Gwil and I having separate careers always being a part from each other (me more than him) but I felt in my bones that when he made that promise earlier, he meant it.

And I was proven right that within 2 years shortly after the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere, I got a proposal right there at the red carpet.

[henrikvanderswoon]

Double the Kill: A Nancy Drew Play Written by 12-year-old Yours Truly - Readthrough Reactions

Okay, guys, I went through two cups of super strong coffee reading through this thing and I think I can hear colors now so… Have fun reading this!

I sincerely haven’t read this thing in probably ten years and I legitimately forgot almost everything about this play I wrote for myself and my twin/two best friends to perform. We used to write plays for each other all the time, as well as play Nancy Drew games together, so… this was all very fitting.

Anyway, this is a super long one and I APOLOGIZE but also I hope you enjoy reading this thing as much as I enjoyed writing it 😂

Okay, for starters, this story is titled: “Double the Kill” for two reasons that I can remember: (1) someone actually gets murdered, and (2) someone beheaded the Lincoln Memorial statue. 

…

You know when you’re in middle school and you’re assigned some topic to research for a project and suddenly you have this stupid amount of knowledge about something you don’t know what to do with? 

That’s what happened here. 

Anyway.

So, apparently I didn’t know what the word “pervert” was when I was 12 (poor, sheltered creature) so I legitimately named a character Blake Pervey and I’m gonna fling myself into the sun. 

Oh my gosh, I wrote up a case profile for this, complete with character roles and everything. Incredible.  

Let’s provide that for you guys:

The Case: Billionaire Erving Nickels is holding a benefit concert at the Lincoln Memorial in Washington D.C., where the band “One Love” will be performing. Erv senses trouble, so he calls Nancy Drew and her best friend Bess Marvin to watch out for anything “suspicious.” But about an hour before the concert’s about to start, One Love’s lead singer Terri James is found dead near the Lincoln statue and the head of the statue is gone!

Contact: Erving Nickels - a billionaire who’d arranged the benefit concert. He asked Nancy to come and watch for anything “suspicious.” 

Suspects: 

Erving Nickels: Goes by Erv, for short. As it turns out, this man has actually gone bankrupt recently. Could he go to desperate measures to gain back his wealth?

Blake Pervey (I still want to die): One Love’s back-up singer. Terri had broken up with him recently because he’d attempted to cheat on her (huh, maybe he really is a pervert after all). Did he murder her to get revenge and take her place as the lead singer? 

Lyza Benton: The make-up artist. Lyza is always on the prowl for the next juicy gossip to spill to the press and gain publicity. Could she have killed Terri to create the ultimate story?

Myra “Ryan” Williams: One Love’s guitarist. She was the person Blake had attempted to cheat with, but she’d refused. Terri didn’t believe Ryan’s story and blamed her for everything, which caused the two women to hate each other.

Victim: Terry James

Okay. Already this is a little better than “Murder at Turquoise Inn,” because there are actual suspects with actual motives??? aMAZING. 

Wow, Nancy’s a bitch. She didn’t even tell Erving that Bess was coming along. 

Erv keeps saying that he thinks something bad is going to happen tonight, and Nancy and Bess are both like,“Can you please explain why?” And he’s like, “I just have a feeling.” Like boi, that’s sketch. 

Bess: “Sorry to change the subject, Mr. Nickels.” 

Erv: “Please, just call me Erv.” 

Bess: “No thank you.” 

Bess…I know Erv is a weird name, but…why? 

Mr. Nickels is taking Nancy and Bess on a tour, right? And I keep peppering in random facts about the Lincoln Memorial I learned for school and it’s SENDING ME. 

“I’ll watch and wait for our groovy band to arrive, while you girls split up and watch for suspicious activity. Now, let’s boogie!”

Asfbadka Erv, no one talks liKE That! 

I would just like to take a moment to preface the rest of this post with the fact that I wrote this for me and my friends, and we were always writing the stupidest dialogue for each other because we thought it was hilarious. Um…which hopefully explains lines like these: 

(1) No one calls Erv Nickels, the handsome billionaire, “Darling.” Except his mother.

(2) [We’re going to change.] No, don’t change. We like you guys just the way you are. *laughs obnoxiously* 

…

I hate myself. 

So Blake and Terri arrive in the limo and let me tell ya’ll Blake is definitely flirting with Erv right now and I’m so fucking confused. 

Terri: That man’s got problems. I guess money does that to people. 

Blake: But we have money and we don’t have problems. 

Terri: Maybe it only happens to men.” 

Blake: But… I am a man. 

Terri: Exactly.

Okay, you can tell my love for writing banter was here from the fuckin get-go. 

Oh god, now Blake is flirting with Nancy. Fuckin hell. I may not have known what the word “pervert” was when I was 12, but this man was aptly named. 

Suspicious, suspicious.*Mocking* ‘Can you girls watch for anything suspicious?’ Something suspicious, yeah right. Oh look! A BUG. Oh, soooo suspicious.

Bess…. I love you. 

Okay, as dumb as everything is in this thing, some of this dialogue is fucking cracking me up so hard.

Bess: No! Honestly. I swear, it’s almost like he’s trying to keep us busy so something bad can happen.

*A faraway scream cuts in from offstage*

*Nancy and Bess look off in the direction it came from, way too casual*

Bess: What was that?

Nancy: I dunno. 

*They pause, then their eyes widen in realization* 

Nancy: Oh crap.

Listen, I know I’m a comedic genius, but this is getting out of hand. Dsbfsjkdsjfbk

Bess: Mr. Nickels! What woman was screaming so high like that?

Erv: That was me. 

I CAN’T BREATHE. 

I saw Terri lying there on the floor, apparently dead. 

Erving… the woman is DEAD. What do you mean “apparently?” 

Nancy and Bess find a letter Terri was going to give to Erving to tell him she can’t do the concert because she also felt like something terrible was going to happen to her, and all Bess can do is repeatedly laugh at the word, “Flee.” 

Hey, too bad “Honest Abe” is missing his head, otherwise he could tell us whodunnit.

Wow, yall. Bess is my favorite. 

You know, the funniest thing about this is that you can definitely tell how many of the games I played between writing my horrible novel at the age of ten and writing this. If this thing had better dialogue and more fleshed out story/characterization, I could picture this as an actual game, not gonna lie. 

And… maybe if it didn’t involve removing the whole-ass head of the Lincoln statue…

Yanno, tiny details like that.

Lyza: *laughing* Scared you, didn’t I? 

Bess: Oh, “scared’"is such a strong word. I’d say more… "severely startled.”

So Erving reveals to Nancy that he’s actually not dumb as bricks, but puts up the facade because he’s broke and doesn’t want anyone thinking he’s not still super rich and air-headed. I’m crying. 

You sensed something bad was going to happen. You should have called the police to stand guard! Not some amatuer teenager who calls herself a detective and her little friend!

…. The pervert has a point. 

So Lyza likes to meddle in people’s business. Ryan had written about Blake’s advances in her journal and Lyza blackmailed her about it, Terri blamed Ryan for Blake’s attempted cheating. Blake tried to bribe Ryan into going out with him by telling her he’d discovered a way to get his hands on a fabulous collection of priceless jewels, and Terri broke it off with him. He’s upset, Ryan’s pissed that Terri thinks she went along with Blake, Erving borrowed money to organize the benefit concert (in order to benefit himself) and now he’s in even deeper debt because the concert has been cancelled and Lyza is having a fuckin field day. 

BOY AM I ON BOARD FOR THIS SHIT.

Before he came into wealth, Erving worked in a museum in Chicago, and Bess finds a piece of paper on the floor of Ryan’s trailer with the phone number to this exact museum. Nancy calls to see if there is any connection between that museum and the Lincoln Memorial and apparently there’s a theory that the head of the Lincoln statue contains jewels that the museum talks about in a part of their exhibit. 

*kronk’s face* Oh yeah. It’s all coming together.

Nancy: For all I know, you could be the murderer. 

Erv: Why would I do that? I needed the money from the concert!

Nancy: No you didn’t. You could’ve just–I dunno–stolen the head of Abe over there in search for the ALLEGED JEWELS INSIDE.

Ya’ll… please don’t ask me how the FUCK one person would get tools to remove that head without anyone noticing. Please. 

Blake: Hey, guys, have you seen Ryan anywhere? 

Nancy: Why? You gonna ask her out again?

Kjdbfisfdosidnf FUCKIN’ SAVAGE, NANCE. 

oH MY GOD THE CULPRIT SLIPPED UP SO EASILY I’M SCREAMING. 

oH my god, Nancy told Erving they needed something to pick the lock on one of the trailers and he’s all: “Like a bobby pin?” And just takes off his hat, removes a bobby pin, and “lets his long hair cascade down and over his shoulders like a waterfall” and I’m crying. I can’t fuckin’ breathe.

Oh shit, wait… the first culprit was actually covering for the real culprit all along I’m losing my mind. My twelve-year-old brain was so advanced I just threw a curveball at myself sjdbfshdbfagh

Okay, so I’m not gonna spoil anything because I think it’s hilarious to keep you all wondering what the fuck is going on and who the hell did it and why, but I would just like you all to know that this play literally ends with one of the characters singing Hannah Montana’s “The Best of Both Worlds” completely off key because I thought it would be hilarious and I think that really tells you a lot about who I am as a person.

[cremedelacremefanfic]

Crème de la Crème: 39

Ashton

“So what? You about to just fuck and duck?”

She laughed as she used a towel to dry her damped hair “To my defense, I was trying to be as quiet as I could be.”

“You got somewhere to be?” I asked looking over at the clock seeing that it was barely nine o'clock.

I could see her momentarily debating if she should tell the truth or not “No, I actually don’t.” She finally said.

“Then why you tryna get away from me so fast? You regretting last night or something?” I said as I sat up

“Yeah, because I’m going to just give my virginity to someone and move on with my life.” She said and rolled her eyes

“That’s how it seems.” I countered

She probably was having second thoughts about us having sex but didn’t know how to admit it.

She sighed before walking over to where I was “Let’s be honest here…” She began “What did us having sex even accomplish? Yeah, we got rid of all sexual tension that’s been built up for all these months but what else?” She questioned. 

I cocked my head to the side as I looked at her. My eyes wandered over her thick ass frame. I couldn’t help myself, shorty was bad as fuck and I just wanted her to drop that towel and get back in bed with me. 

“ASHTON!�� She yelled, breaking me from my thoughts. “What Eve?”

“What are we really doing? Huh? We fucked but the question still remains the same, what are we doing?” She asked as I sighed, running my hand over my face. 

“I like you, Eve, I don’t see how you don’t see that shit. I brought you a dog and threw you that party. I legit have feelings for you baby.” 

“That don’t mean shit!” Clearly, she wanted to argue while I, on the other hand, want to slide back between her thick ass thighs and give her some more of this dick. 

I threw the sheets off my body and sat on the side of the bed and stood to my feet. “Come here.” Looking up to her she stood at the end of the bed and gave me a stupid ass look. 

I walked over to her and grabbed her, pulling her roughly to me and wrapping my arms around her body. “Why the fuck you make shit so fuckin’ complicated for?”

“Ashton, I’m not about to be like Adrienne, you’re not gonna do me like you do her. I’m not anyone’s fuck buddy that’s go-”

“Shut up, Evie. Did I say you were just a damn fuck buddy? You and her are not even on the same level. I like you, shit I see myself building some shit with you. I fucked you raw, something I’ve never done in my adult life, so trust me when I say that I’m not gonna treat you like that girl. That was just sex but, us, this is something different.” 

I looked down into her eyes, as she stared back at me. I knew she thought I was running game on her but I wasn’t. I really liked this girl even when I tried not to like her, I caught myself missing and wanting her every day. 

“Ashton, don’t play me. I will beat your ass.” I chuckled and placed my lips by her ear. “I’m not gonna play you, now drop the towel, Eve.” I whispered in her ear.

She dropped her towel as I stepped back and admired her naked body. I licked over my lips and smirked. 

I turned her body around and pushed her back on my bed. Automatically, she spread her legs for me. My eyes went straight to that pretty ass pussy of hers. I swear she got some gold between her thighs. 

I would never admit that to her though.  Arming her with that kind of ammo would surely be the death of me.

Evie: 

I looked up at Ashton who wore a smirk on his face as he eyed me with hunger in his eyes. I can’t even lie and say that this man didn’t rock my entire world. If this was the kind of dick I was missing all these years then I was mad as hell. 

He grabbed my ankle and pulled me towards him forcefully, he gripped my thighs. He laid down on top of me, stroking his already hard dick. I didn’t know why he was making me feel like this. 

I didn’t want to get attached to this nigga but the way he put it down on me, I just knew he was going to have me doing things I never even thought of doing for a man. 

He pushed inside of me, causing my lips to part. 

“Shit... slow down,” I told him, he pushed all the way inside of me as my walls gripped and tugged on his long, thick pole. I felt myself gushing over his dick as soon as he entered me. 

He grumbled sexily as he got on his knees and placed my thighs in the cooks of his arm as he hammered his pole into my spot. 

My moans soon turned to screams as he hit a spot that I didn’t even know I had. I swear a bitch felt this nigga dick in my fucking stomach. “I’m a turn yo little ass out.” He growled into my ear, biting it softly. 

His words alone turned me all the way on. My clit throbbed as he kissed my lips sloppily. His tongue intertwined with mine while he pounded inside of me so hard that the bed shook along with my body. 

I had a big problem on my hands with this man for sure. Since getting a sample of this dick, I swear I didn’t want to share and I wasn’t. 

____

“How you feel Eve?” Sean asked as he slid into a seat next to me

“Tired,” I said as sunk into the plane’s plush seat

“How you come off a vacation feeling tired?” He questioned

My eyes closed as I leaned against the window “Extraneous activities.” I said softly.

The last couple of days of the trip, Ashton made it his mission to try to wear me out and he definitely succeeded. My body was sore and I planned on spending the entire plane ride home resting.

“Whatever nigga, you barely did anything,” He said sucking his teeth

I waved him off “Just because I didn’t do much with you negros, doesn’t mean nothing was accomplished. It ain’t always about you, Sean” I teased.

Ashton boarded the plane next, taking a seat on the opposite side of me. “What y’all over here talking about?” He questioned as his hand brushed against my skin softly and quickly. 

it was so quick that I don’t even think that Sean even noticed. My eyes met Ashton as he wore a slick smirk on his face before I ripped my eyes away from his. 

I shouldn’t even be attracted to this jack ass but my crazy ass found everything about this fool attractive. From the way he licked his perfect lips to his asshole persona. 

I was as crazy as he was. 

“Nigga where you been at for the last few days?” Sean asked, his brows dipped in confusion. I looked back and forth between the two before staring at Ashton. 

“Yeah, where you been?” I wanted to see the excuse that he came up with. I knew that the crew knew that we liked each other or whatever. I was curious as to what this crazy fool would say. 

“Unlike you two, I  actually had to work.” he said looking in between Sean and me "And remember, we did that thing yesterday” He responded looking at me as my eyes grew widely at his response. My head snapped towards Sean who wore an unreadable expression which kinda scared me. 

Sean and August were super overprotective of me and damn near worst than my own blood brother.

“Y’all did a thing, without us?” August overhead Ashton talking and came and leaned on Sean’s seat

“I-it was a last-minute thing, it was a concert thing that we stumbled upon” What we had was low key a date. Ashton wanted to do something fun together before we left so he took me to dinner and a show.

“Y’all fake as fuck, I like Spanish music” August said

“It was Portuguese.” I smiled

“Same shit bro, we do things as a squad! No man left behind.” August 

“Y’all left me behind that one time” Ashton interjected

“She didn’t like you at the time nigga, that shit don’t count.” he said causing us to chuckle

Sean has yet to say anything and his silence was starting to get to me.

“We should leave Evie alone, she said she was tired earlier.” he finally spoke “You know we will talk about this shit when we get home.” Sean stated lowly in my ear as he kissed my cheek and headed to his original seat

August followed suit.

I let out a heavy breath, taken aback by his response. “He knows and he’s going to murder me when we land.” Ashton smirked as he took the seat Sean was previously in, he lacing his long fingers with mine “He don’t know shit.”

“He will if you continue doing shit like this.” I mumbled throwing my blanket over our hands

Ashton

10 1/2 hours later.....

We had finally landed back in Los Angeles and I was over-excited about being back home. I loved vacationing but this vacation was one for the books. From the business part to Evie finally letting a nigga in and breaking her walls down.

“So....” 

Evie's sweet voice filled my ears as she stood in front of me. I leaned against my car, watching her nervously place a strand of hair behind her ears. “So what? Why you acting like this?” I palmed her waist, pulling her close to me. 

We’d just pulled up to her home from the airport. I wanted her to go home with me but she was adamant about going home to spend some time with her best friend and brother. 

“Acting Like what, Ashton?”

“Acting timid and nervous.” I leaned down, kissing her lips softly.  

“This.” she said simply looking up at me “It all happened so quick, how do I know I’m not just some fling that you’ll get bored within the next two weeks?” she asked

“You really think sex is about to change everything we been through over the last few months?” I asked

I knew she was untrusting, her bitch ass step-pops was the blame for this being the main bump we always had to get over but, I needed her to understand that I wasn’t going to switch up on her.

“Eve, I promise you, you’re the only woman that has ever had me like this. I’ve never been tied up in a relationship because if I did it’ll distract me from my work and responsibilities. So I hit up bitches from time to time but nothing like this.” I broke down to her

“I’m not a bitch.”

“Out of everything I said, that’s what you heard?” I chuckled

She opened her mouth to speak when her front door swung open. “EVIE!!” My eyes widen with shock as his voice sounded through the yard

“What are you doing?” there was annoyance in her voice

“Tell your company you need to come in the house.” my face scrunched up “Sean, I just kno-”

“I SAID, tell yo company you gotta come in the house.” he repeated

“I’m literally both of y’all boss.”

“Look, don’t even argue with him, just go home, Ash.” Evie said

I kissed my teeth “I’ll hit you a little later.” I bent down and kissed the side of her mouth “I’ma beat this nigga ass one  day.” I went to place an actual kiss on her lips but Sean cleared his throat.

I kissed my teeth, I looked back at that nigga and mean mugged the fuck out of his ass. “Nigga shut the fuck up.” I grumbled. I kissed Evie lips softly, gripping her waist. 

“Bye baby.” I glared at Sean one more time as he stared at me with a  blank expression. 

I didn’t know what the fuck was this nigga problem but I was surely gonna find the fuck out what the fuck was going on. 

Sean

Evie slipped past me with her luggage and forcefully dropped her duffel bag on the floor next to her carry-on. She had the only attitude and I wasn’t with it.

I looked over at Tish who avoided my gaze.

“After almost an eleven-hour flight, before you go home and get some rest, you come to my house causing a scene?” Evie’s arms were now crossed as her foot tapped away at the floor

“Nobody caused no scene, plus I said we were going to talk when we got home, you rushed out the airport with that nigga so quick I couldn’t even get a word in.”

She kissed her teeth “Because I just know you’re gonna wanna argue with me about this shit Sean and I just don’t don’t have the energy for it.” She said

I shook my head “You should be thankful you got somebody looking out for you. I’m going against my own best friend for you.” I fussed

No one else was going to tell her, they would sit back and watch her get played then talk shit behind her back just like they do with Adrianne.

“And what exactly are you going against him for? He’s done nothing to you for him to be on your shit list.”

I’m convinced women just don’t be picking up on context clues. They see and hear what they want to and because of that, shit comes back to bite them in the ass.

Of course, I don’t want to throw my mans under the bus but Evie is a good girl and the last thing I’m tryna let happen is him do this girl wrong because she got a fat ass and pretty face.

“Eve.” I pinched the bridge of my nose “I’m 27 years old, I’ve known the man since I was 6. He’s not a bad person, but I’ve never and I do mean, never, seen him take any woman he’s messed with seriously. You’re fucking with a nigga that’s never been in love let alone a relationship.”

Her face scrunched “Wait… huh?” She scratched her head softly “Never?” She questioned

“No, when we were younger it was “none of these hoes impress me” but now as we’re older he says he’s not about to let no girl come in between him and his success.” I broke down to her “I’m not saying any of this to sabotage anything y’all got going on or trying to build, but as my homegirl, I just wanted to give you a fair warning of the type of nigga you dealing with.” I said

“And I do appreciate you for that, Sean. Whatever Ashton and I are doing is fairly new, I wasn’t trying to keep anything from either of you.” She spoke up, her attitude seemingly evaporated as she looked between Tish and me

“No one said you were, Evie, Sean is just telling you how his friend is. Regardless of what’s going on, this is your business but he’s just looking out for you.” Tish said finally breaking her silence

I nodded “Look, Eve, if you feel like you’re different then by all means, keep what y’all doing going. All I’m saying is that I think you should watch out for certain signs. Don’t let what I said change how you feel because Ash is older now and could be ready for a woman like you, just be careful sis.”

* * *

Flopping down on the bed, I pulled Tish down with me and onto my lap “You sure you don’t have to go get your baby?” I asked

She shook her head “Apparently she’s house shopping with her daddy.” She said with a slight roll of her eyes “I’m going to go get her in the morning though, we have a flight to Oakland tomorrow so she can meet the rest of the family.” She signed

Rubbing her thighs, I kissed her shoulder “How’s that going?” I asked

I was flabbergasted by Tish’s whole situation. At one point I saw where everyone one was coming from when they called her selfish but hearing her speak about her experiences, I got why she had to be selfish. Feeling alone at such a young age would drive anyone to do selfish irrational shit. I don’t agree with everything she did, but I understood and I believe that’s all she wanted from people.

She shrugged as her arms found their way around my neck “I hate that I have to be in this mess but I did it to myself, I’m dealing with it the best I can.” She smiled weakly “Enough about me, how was Argentina? Have fun?” She questioned

“If you’re trying to see if I was good or not, I was. I wasn’t fucking with none of those hoes.” I said

“You’re not my man, so I don’t care.” She said with a smirk

I chuckled “Ouch! That’s cold nigga.” I said in a joking tone

She shrugged as her smile grew wider “But it’s true.” She said

“Nah, see, because you been talking shit from the moment I boarded my plane to Buenos Aires.”

“Whatever, Sean.” she rolled her eyes

I couldn’t help but smile “Argentina was cool, I needed the vacation.” I finally answered her questioned

“Yeah because you work like a dog.” she said with a raised eyebrow

My fingers strummed her side softly “Work hard now, spend all my money and chill when I’m old.” I simply said “How do you feel about your interview next week?”

“I don’t know... I never saw you in super work mode before and I can’t thank you enough for getting me this interview.”

“You know you’re my girl, I gotta make your you got a secured job by the time you graduate and don’t even sweat it. You already know me, just because I’m one of the people conducting your interview shouldn’t make you sweat and my director is cool, so you have nothing to worry about.”

I already knew putting Evie and Tish under one roof was a recipe for chaos but definitely a risk I was willing to take. She was swiftly becoming one of my favorite people and making sure she was straight was a top priority.

[pagsys-writings]

Summer Days

Chapter 15: Stumble

(AO3)

There are only a few places that Nori feels at home and at ease. The first place that comes to mind is when he’s at home with Shirasu. Actually, anywhere he has Shirasu by his side, Nori feels safe, as though nothing can harm him.

Another place is his childhood home surrounded by his family. Even Shirasu's family, at this point, has become a safe place for him. Nori knows they are beyond lucky to be surrounded by people that love them.

Now, though, as he stands beside Nabe and Ono near the bonfire, Nori remembers just how comfortable he had been at Seidou. His friends never cared about his relationship with Shirasu. Well, they cared, but it had never bothered them. The support they had shown when they came out to the team towards the end of their third year was beyond what Nori - and even Shirasu - had expected.

Nori had never found out how or when their senpai learned about them, but they never changed the way they acted around him or Shirasu. He’s always been grateful for that and is glad to see it really hasn't changed.

Ten years may have gone by since they were in high school, but they’re still the same people at their core. Nori loves that despite the distance they can all just fall into place as they had years ago. Nori even laughs when Sawamura and Furuya drag Kazuya off somewhere, just as they had in high school.

Nabe sighs. "Not again," he mumbles, following after them to make sure they don't get into any trouble.

Nori smiles when he smells Shirasu's cologne, and a familiar pair of arms wrap around his waist. "Hey," he says when Shirasu pulls him closer and rests his chin on Nori's shoulder.

"I heard an interesting story from Kuramochi and Zono," Shirasu mumbles.

Ono laughs while Nori's face turns a vibrant shade of red. "Well, uh, you see," Nori begins, stumbling over his words as embarrassment takes hold of him. He had been brave at the moment, but now that it’s over, thinking about what he’d said in front of others is just a bit too much.

"It's okay," Shirasu says, laughing as well. He presses a quick kiss to Nori's cheek and releases him.

A part of Nori wishes he hadn't let him go, but he listens as Shirasu and Ono talk about mundane things. Work, sports, and to his surprise, Nabe and Miyuki's relationship, which Ono also hadn’t known about. Surely they must have told people about it.

His eyes find Nabe across the fire where he sits beside Miyuki. Nori knows they’re happy. If Nabe hadn’t talked about their relationship, Nori would have been able to tell just by looking at them. He’s honored that Nabe had trusted him enough to confide in him. 

“What’s on your mind?” Shirasu asks him.

Nori turns and finds that Ono had left without him realizing. “I was just thinking about how much I love our friends.” 

Shirasu smiles at him. His arm encircles Nori’s waist, holding Nori close to his side. “We’re really lucky,” Nori continues, returning Shirasu’s smile and leaning into him.

“We are,” Shirasu agrees.

-----

The fire burns and dances in front of Nori. It has died down considerably since they first arrived, but it still warms him comfortably from where he sits tucked into Shirasu’s side. Shirasu’s arm is slung loosely over his shoulders, keeping him steady on the bench.

One of the logs crack with a loud popping sound and Nori watches as it sends embers floating into the air. His eyes follow them until they dissipate into nothing. It’s a calming sight.

Nori sighs, feeling content. He wishes they could gather together like this more often.

He closes his eyes, his head resting comfortably on Shirasu’s shoulder, as he listens as Shirasu talks about the concert they attended a year ago with Toujou and Kanemaru. He likes it when Shirasu talks about the things he enjoys. His voice always gets a little higher when he’s excited and Nori finds it adorable.

The only problem is that just listening to Shirasu speak tends to make him sleepy.

He’s not sure when he began dozing off, but Nori startles awake when Shirasu’s laugh jostles him a bit. “Sorry,” Shirasu whispers to him. “I didn’t realize you fell asleep.”

Nori blinks his eyes open and laughs, mostly at himself. “I guess I was a bit too warm next to the fire,” he admits, but he notices that the fire is half the size it used to be. What time is it? He looks around to see that their friends are still there.

“I’ll be right back,” Shirasu says quickly and disappears before Nori can object.

Nori turns his head and notices Toujou and Kanemaru smiling at him. It’s like they know something he doesn’t. “Sorry for falling asleep,” he apologizes, hoping they didn’t find him rude.

“It’s okay, Nori-senpai!” Toujou’s smile is bright like always. Nori smiles fondly as he shakes his head. He has told them countless times that they don’t have to call him senpai anymore, but he guesses the habit is hard to get rid of.

Nodding, Nori has the sudden feeling that he’s being watched. He glances around and sure enough most - if not all - of their friends are watching him with varying levels of happiness in their eyes and smiles. 

What… is going on?

He looks at Nabe and finds his friend positively beaming at him. Nori frowns and tilts his head in question. He can barely hear Nabe’s chuckle from where he sits but he knows Nabe’s laughing from the way he covers his mouth.

Nabe’s eyes move slightly to Nori’s left and whatever he sees makes him grab Miyuki’s hand in anticipation.

“Nori?” Shirasu asks. Nori is too lost in his thoughts to hear the underlying worry in his boyfriend’s voice.

Nori doesn’t really care about whatever is making his friends act strangely because Shirasu is finally back. Now he can cuddle back into Shirasu’s side and—

His thoughts still when he turns to look at Shirasu, who is kneeling in front of him. He wants to think that this is it. It’s finally happening. Shirasu is going to propose to him in front of all of their friends - with the people that have been with them from the start of everything.

But he’s scared. What if this isn’t it? He can’t let himself be hopeful until he knows for sure, or else he’s not sure he can take the disappointment.

And then… Shirasu bends his head down, lifting the necklace Nori had made him from around his neck. There’s a moment where Nori is confused. What does his necklace have to do with anything?

The necklace sways into the light of the fire and then he sees it. There’s a small gold ring resting against the shell. It glints in the firelight and Nori’s breath catches in his throat. His thoughts derail. Nori’s a mixture of emotions that he can’t even begin to identify, but as he looks into Shirasu’s eyes, Nori sees those same emotions mirrored back at him.

Shirasu licks his lips as he removes the ring from the necklace. Nori can see Shirasu’s hands shaking, but he’s not sure if he should reach out to him or not. He wants nothing more than to tell Shirasu there’s nothing to be afraid of. They both know his answer anyway. Isn’t this just a formality?

The ring sits in the palm of Shirasu’s hand and they both stare at it. The only sound around them comes from the fire. Even their friends seem to be holding their breath in anticipation.

“Nori,” Shirasu says again as he gently lifts the ring with his fingers, holding it out between them. Nori waits patiently for Shirasu’s words. His hands find purchase on the bench beneath him, gripping it to ground himself in the moment. “We’ve been through so much together. We’ve seen each other at our best and worst. Some days… I think you know me better than I know myself.” 

Nori chuckles but it sounds strained from the tears that had begun to form the moment Shirasu began his speech. Shirasu smiles at him and Nori has to bite his lip to keep from actually crying and ruining this moment for both of them. 

“You’re my best friend.” Shirasu’s voice wavers a bit this time. “And I can’t help but feel like we were meant to find each other and love each other.” Nori feels the tears silently begin to fall down his face but he never stops smiling. “Nori, I love you so much.”

There are tears in Shirasu’s eyes and this time Nori doesn’t stop himself from reaching out. He gently cradles Shirasu’s face in his hands, stroking his cheeks to encourage him to continue. He wants to hear all of it.

Shirasu clears his throat and swallows. “We may have had some bumps along the way, but I don’t think I would have ever changed them because they made me love you even more than I already had. And...” Shirasu looks into his eyes and Nori feels his chest swell with so much love it hurts. “If I have to stumble through this life, I’d rather do it with you by my side. Always.”

A sob escapes Nori’s lips and he has to cover his mouth with his hand to keep himself together.

“Nori,” Shirasu whispers as he gently moves Nori’s left hand away from his face. He holds the ring - ready to slide it on Nori’s finger. “Will you be by my side forever?”

Nori nods. He can barely see Shirasu through his tears now. “Yes,” he manages to choke out. “Yes!”

The moment the ring is safely on his finger, Nori flings himself at Shirasu. They fall to the ground in a tangle, but Nori doesn’t care now that he’s in Shirasu’s arms. He kisses Shirasu between his choked laughter. Nori’s senses are filled with Shirasu, but in the back of his mind, he can hear their friends clapping and cheering for them.

Shirasu sits them back up, Nori still in his lap. His arms and legs are wrapped securely around Shirasu’s neck and waist. He’s still getting his emotions under control, but Shirasu’s hands rubbing calming circles on his back is helping him. He had known this was coming, but still… Nori sighs, pressing his face into Shirasu’s shoulder. It’s a lot to take in.

He hears other people crying around them and it makes him glad that he’s not the only one feeling emotional about this.

“Stop crying, Zono!” Jun’s yell is as loud as ever, standing out amongst the chaos.

“Jun-san,” Zono responds with a wavering voice, “so are you!” The crowd erupts into laughter. Nori chokes out another laugh and so does Shirasu. 

Nori can’t help but think this whole thing has been perfect. 

“Ahem.” Someone clears their throat, and the group surprisingly quiets. Nori lifts his head and, after wiping his face, finds Ryousuke standing before them. 

“Now that that’s done,” he says, but there’s a smile on his face and Nori thinks it’s genuine. “By the power vested in me by the team,” he says with his hands on his hips, “because fuck the government and their homophobia...”

The group laughs and so does Nori. “Ryou-san,” Kuramochi says with a shake of his head, but he has this goofy looking smile on his face.

Ryousuke ignores Kuramochi as he holds his hands out toward Shirasu and Nori. “I now pronounce you guys married.” The group erupts into cheers and Nori is pretty sure he hears someone crying again.

“Ryou-san,” Shirasu says through his laughter, “we just got engaged…”

“So?” Ryousuke raises an eyebrow as if telling Shirasu to further challenge his pronouncement. His hands are back on his hips, making him seem bigger than he is. “This is years fucking overdue. Who cares about an engagement?” Nori isn’t sure if he wants to laugh or cry at what Ryousuke is saying. “Face it, the two of you have been married since high school.”

Nori does laugh and he’s so thankful for Ryousuke’s words. Shirasu turns to him with a look of bewilderment on his face as if he can’t believe what’s happening. This part obviously wasn’t part of his plans. “Husband does have a nice ring to it,” Nori says, pulling Shirasu into another kiss.

“It does,” Shirasu agrees.

“Great!” Ryousuke claps his hands, ending the conversation. “Youichi, where’s the champagne we brought. It’s time to really celebrate.”

“I stashed it in Miyuki’s pantry!” Kuramochi yells after laughing. He’s already at the back door of the house as if reading Ryousuke’s mind. “Be right back!”

The party takes on a new life with music and dancing. The night is filled with celebration and laughter enhanced further by the alcohol Ryousuke and Kuramochi graciously provided. It takes a lot of effort on Shirasu’s part to get Nori to let go of him long enough for them to stand.

There’s a whirlwind of congratulations. He’s given hugs, some of which are tearful. Nabe almost strangles him when he pulls Nori into a tight hug. “Congrats, Nori.”

Nori holds him back tightly. “Thank you.” He hides his face in Nabe’s shoulder. “You knew about this, didn’t you?”

Nabe laughs, confirming Nori’s suspicions. “Don’t hate me, okay?” Nori doesn’t think he could ever hate Nabe. “When Shirasu talked to us about it, I couldn’t help but invite people I thought you’d want to see here.”

“Thank you.” 

Nori is once again overwhelmed with the love of his friends and uh, his husband. It may not be legally binding, but it’s enough for Nori. With the way Shirasu keeps looking at him, Nori knows he feels the same. 

As soon as Nori releases Nabe from the hug, Shirasu wraps him another. “Hey,” Shirasu says the moment Nabe and Miyuki walk off. 

“Hey,” Nori replies with a smile as he wraps his arms around Shirasu’s neck. 

Shirasu sways slowly, back and forth. It’s much slower than the pop song playing in the background, but it doesn’t matter. No one bothers them anymore and Nori’s thankful for it. 

Nori brushes his fingers through Shirasu’s hair. To think he would be here in Shirasu’s arms - his husband’s arms - after meeting him all those years ago outside the gates of Seidou. As he gazes into Shirasu’s eyes, he wonders what else their lives have in store for them. Whether it’s good or bad, he knows that with Shirasu beside him, they’ll get through it together. 

-----

It’s not until much later when he and Shirasu are lying in bed that Nori really looks at the ring. Shirasu has his arm loosely wrapped around his torso with his hand holding one of Nori’s. Nori turns the ring over and catches a glimpse of something engraved on the inside.

It’s a date and it takes a moment for Nori to realize it’s the date he and Shirasu first met. His heart flutters, knowing the date means as much to Shirasu as it does Nori. “Kenjirou?” Shirasu vaguely hums against the back of his neck to show he’s listening. “I love you.”

Nori feels Shirasu’s lips press more firmly against his neck. “I love you, too,” he mumbles, already half asleep. 

Nori smiles to himself, knowing without a doubt that there’s no other person he’d rather spend the rest of his life with, no other person that can make him feel this safe and loved.