Written for @ladrienjune Day 25 - Goodbye Kiss
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Chapter 1 - Adrinette - Kiss in the Rain
Chapter 2 - Ladrien - Goodbye Kiss
She’s out during the middle of the night again. It’s the fifth night in a row. Adrien watches her swing gracefully from one building to the next and contemplates joining her. But whatever is bothering her, she won’t share with Chat Noir. Each time he asked, she insisted that with him there, she knew they’d be fine.
And when she offered him the brightest smile - a smile he thought existed only in their Jubiliation inspired shared dream - he couldn’t bring himself to argue. And he spent the rest of their shared patrols making her laugh with his antics. He thought he had turned each of her nights around, but clearly any positive effect he was having wasn’t providing any lasting benefit.
Because each night, she was out again, clearly trying to run from whatever kept her mind spiraling in circles.
Before he can overthink it, he whips out his phone and flashes his light at her. And almost immediately she changes the trajectory of her current arc towards the mansion. It’s almost as if she was already watching him.
She lands gracefully on the edge of the window sill.
He reminds himself to breathe. He’s always more taken by her presence when he’s sans the cat ears. He’s not sure why. Perhaps it’s because he has nothing to hide behind. He’s always wanted her to see his face, so when she can, he feels something. Or perhaps it’s because of the way she looks at him when he’s not wearing the mask. Her eyes are bright and pink dusts her cheeks.
“Good evening, Adrien,” she says, grinning.
“Hello, Ladybug,” he breathes. “It’s very kind of you to go out of your way to stop by.”
She nods deeply, acknowledging his thanks. “What can I do for you?”
His hand flew to the back of his neck. “I uh… just noticed you’ve been out a lot this week–”
“You’ve noticed that?” she asked, the pink on her cheeks darkening.
“–and I wanted to ask if you were okay?”
She stares at him for a moment, and he has to look down at the floor.
“Why wouldn’t I be?” she asks.
“Umm… last time you were here all the miraculous were stolen and you broke down in my bathroom?”
Her shoulders stiffen and her eyes blow open.
He wants to kick himself. “Not that I blame you for any of that! I was just worried about you!”
She glances away. She looks defeated and he wishes he had opted to go out to meet her as Chat Noir afterall. If he was wearing the suit, he would at least be able to pull her into a hug.
“That was months ago,” she says quietly.
“Doesn’t mean you’re over it,” he says.
She remains silent, her gaze locked on her yo-yo as if everything that has happened since that night is its fault.
“Though I don’t mean to presume,” he adds. “I’m sure a lot has happened between now and then.”
She turns towards his window. “Have you ever been in love?” she asks, taking a step forward so they’re standing side by side, looking out over Paris’s skyline.
He wants to laugh that it’s her asking him that question, but he doesn’t. She’s too quiet.
“Yes,” he says, looking straight at her. If she turned to him would she be able to see his feelings written on his face?
“Have you ever had to pretend that you didn’t love that person?”
He turns back to the view. “Yes,” he says, feeling the weight of that one word.
She turns to him with furrowed eyebrows. “Why?”
He shrugs. He can’t really explain why he had to turn down Marinette as Adrien. But maybe he can explain why he had to turn her down as Chat Noir. “Anyone I love, anyone I show any special attention to is likely to become a target. To get eviscerated, tortured, and harrassed by my fans. Especially if my father is not on board.”
She nods enthusiastically. “That’s exactly it! Anyone I show special attention will become a target for Monarch, and can be used against me. That, and I can never share all of myself with them. Turns out lies aren’t great for a relationship.”
“Tell me about it,” he mumbles.
“But it makes it hard to want to keep doing this,” she gestures to her suit, “knowing that if I gave it up, I could maybe be happy.”
“Do you want to give this up?” He fears her answer though he knows he has no room to talk.
“I can’t,” she says, her gaze falling into her hands. “I almost did once, but I couldn’t go through with it.”
“What stopped you?” he whispers.
“A different love,” she says.
He breathes in again, and the air is sweet with the scent of her floral perfume. He finds himself smiling. It was the same for him.
“Paris is lucky to have you,” he says.
“You think so?”
He laughs and nods. “Definitely. You don’t?”
She shrugs, but doesn’t say anything and they go back to staring at the night sky.
“Ladybug?”
“Yeah?”
“Does the person you love know that you love them?”
She’s watching him, staring into his eyes, before her gaze drops to his lips. Suddenly he can’t breathe.
…
Marinette knows that she shouldn’t. He shouldn’t know that Ladybug loves him. They just established how dangerous that knowledge was. She’s already gotten her kiss. It’s supposed to be enough.
At least until Monarch has been defeated.
She promised herself it would be enough.
But she reaches for his hand anyway. Slides her fingers through his, and she can feel his sharp intake of breath, and the look of awe on his face is so worth it. She smirks at him. That seems to bring him back to life.
“I think one of them knows,” she admits. “You?” she asks, looking at his face, not acknowledging their joined hands. If neither of them say anything, is it really happening?
“I think both of them know,” he whispers, his fingers tightening around hers.
And now it’s her that gasps. He loves Marinette. She knows that he does. Is he saying that he loves Ladybug too?
Her eyes burn with threatened tears. It’s not fair. This sweet boy, who stole her heart the day she met him somehow along the way fell in love with both of her. She should be able to love him back. A single tear breaks past her defenses.
His thumb brushes it from her cheek. “What is it?”
She leans into the palm of his hand, and shakes her head. “Nothing.” She wishes she could tell him. She wishes things were different so she could reciprocate his feelings.
If she had never become Ladybug and never met Chat Noir, nothing would hold her back.
Not that she can ever regret meeting Chat Noir.
“I should go,” she whispers.
But he doesn’t let go of her hand. “May I offer you a goodnight kiss?”
She needs to say no. She should say no.
“It doesn’t have to mean anything,” he says.
But it would. It would mean everything. And that’s why she pulls him closer, and lets her lips find his. He is warm and velvet soft. Their lips part and they’re breathing the same air. She’s already kissed him once, but he doesn’t know that. She isn’t going to turn away one more stolen memory if it’s all she gets to have of him.
The kiss ends too soon.
“Thank you, Adrien.”
“For?”
“For understanding why I can’t give you my heart.”
He kisses her hand. And then she pulls away, and sends her yo-yo flying. Knowing that if she stayed, she wouldn’t be able to hold back.
And she has to.
She can’t tell Adrien who she is. She can’t love him as Marinette without lying to him constantly, and she can’t love him as Ladybug without putting him in danger.
But she wishes that she could. That she could give him all of herself.
…
Final chapter will be up in Ladynoir July!
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