#YOU'RE GONNA CUT THE MONOLOGUE BUT LEAVE JUST THAT PART IN WHY DO YOU THINK ITS FAMOUS HUH

[vaniliens]

Oh fuck me, that hamlet script is sooooooo shitty.

[kirihoon]

BAKUGOU GETTING HIT WITH A TRUTH QUIRK

because why not 🤷🏻‍♀️

cw: tons of curse words

"Bakugou-san, are you okay?" you ask him. You saw him get hit with a villain's quirk earlier. Though he seems physically fine. Well, relatively. He has more than a few scratches and bruises from the fight. Nothing that'll leave a mark tho. You're still worried of how the quirk might affect him.

"tsk. I'm not fine! I'm hurt!" you stood there shocked at his response. Never in the five years you've known him has he ever answered that way. You've heard him say he was fine while being wheeled into the hospital, stabs all over him.

Bakugou is just as shocked at his answer.

That isn't what he meant to say! He's not fucking weak! He's the strongest hero, damn it!

But he doesn't have time to ponder this because you quickly move over to him, checking every inch of his body and muttering that he needs to go to the hospital.

"Oy! I said I'm not fine." He meant to say he was fine! He swears! Please don't think he's some weak ass hero who can't handle a few cuts. "Fuck! That isn't what I meant to say!"

At this point, you're freaking the fuck out. How hurt does he have to be to actually admit it? You don't even register you're surroundings. Neither of you notice the villain tied up and smirking at you and Bakugou's little conversation.

"Are you in pain? What can I do? How can I help? I swear it's gonna be okay. Okay? Don't panic, don't fucking panic!" you say in a rushed increasingly higher voice.

You are definitely not panicking, nope. Bakugou's fine. He's a hero. He's a great, strong, and resilient hero. He's going to be okay. He is. You promise yourself that he is. But, but what if?

Your breathing quickens now. This can't be happening. He can't, he can't do this. You haven't even been able to confess your feelings to him. You've been hyping yourself up for a couple months now, ever since you've decided to admit you like him after a few years of silence. He can't not let you at least say it. Selfish bastard.

"Y/n? Are you okay? I know you're cute as fuck when you're worrying about me but you don't have to. I'm going to be okay."

What. The. Fuck. Where the fuck did that come from? Bakugou didn't mean to say that. Well, it is true, he thinks. But all his blood is now rushing to his cheeks. Blush reaching even his ears and neck.

You're no better. You're wide eyes from panic are now due to you being flustered. Okay, calm down Y/n. There has to be a rational reason why a hero waaayyy out of your league is saying you're cute. Maybe he got hit in the head a little too hard? Maybe it was a quirk that makes him lie or damaged his eyesight or something. Yeah, that's probably it.

You say nothing as you turn around and find a medic who could help him. You practically sprint away from him. Your heart is beating too fast. Maybe you should find yourself a medic too.

Bakugou is left there, embarrassed. Oh no. He's an idiot. Y/n ran away. Of course, they don't like him that way. That sweet angel sent by the gods. How could theh ever like a loud, aggressive, and angry man like him?

He needs to explain himself. Maybe he could say it was a joke. But that seems cruel. Maybe he could say he wasn't talking about you. No, that doesn't even make sense. Maybe he could blame Deku. Yeah, that always works. But how could he make it seem like Midoriya's fault.

He ends his inner monologue and decides he should just talk to you. He found you alone near one of the ambulances, looking around.

"Hey, y/n. Let me explain." Okay that's the easy part. Now, for the actual explaining part. He's a mighty hero, he's taken down a shit ton of villains. Why does this seem to be way harder. "The truth is, I like you. I have for a while now. It's true, you're cute when you worry. Especially when it's about me. It's nice to know I matter enough to you for you to actually care if I'm okay."

Huh? That's both of your reactions. Where the fuck did that come from? This time, Bakugou is the one to leave. Embarrassed and scared of your response.

You catch up to him and grab his wrist. "I like you too, Bakugou-san! I thought I never had a chance with you. Please, go on a date with me!" Your puppy dog eyes stare at him, into his soul. You patiently wait for his response despite your growing anxiety. "F-fine! Dumbass. I should have been the one to ask you out." He says, rolling his eyes. Yet, he still couldn't hide the smile on his face and twinkle in his eyes while staring at you.

Six months later, you and Bakugou are happily together. You and him were sorting through a couple criminals' files for a report when you stumble across the incident that kick-started your relationship. Only then did you realize he was hit with a truth quirk.

-----

Bonus:

"What just happened?" A flabbergasted Midoriya asks as he watched the interaction between Bakugou and Y/n.

"I genuinely don't know." Kirishima answers, looking equally shocked.

The villain snickered, "I know what happened~" he says in a teasing tone. The two men look at him, waiting for an explanation.

"I hit him with a truth quirk, he can only say the truth for a couple hours" he says, smirking despite the chains around him.

-----

"Hey, Bakubro! Who's your best and manliest bro in the whole world?" Kirishima asks Bakugou back at the office. Only the two of them and Midoriya are present. They just finished discussing the logistics of the incident.

"What the fuck? Obviously it's you, Shitty Hair!"

"Aw, Bakubro, you're so sweet!"

-----

"Soooo, Kacchan, do you like, only pretend to still hate me?" Midoriya felt guilty for using the villain's quirk but this was just too good to let go.

"Of course, you're my oldest friend and stuck with me through my bullshit. I'll be a damned fool to actually hate you now." Midoriya straight up just bursts into tears.

He's going to kill these two.

-----

a/n: yey finally finished with this. imagine all the questions kaminari would ask him if he found out.

[kringletheelf04]

The list and wrapping duty

(Chapter 7 of two souls entwined in the North Pole)

It's been a week since Bernard showed up in the bakery. Dad is officially on thin ice. He showed up at Charlie's soccer game and apparently all the children lined up to sit on his lap. And he let them! I'm driving home from work and as I pull up the delivery man pulls up as well. I get out and go up to the truck.

"S.c?" The delivery man asks.

"My dad. I'll sign for it though." I say, initialing the papers.

"All right, I'll get your packages." The guy says, unloading multiple large boxes.

"Packages?" I ask, scrunching my nose slightly.

"Yes, there's many of them here." The man says.

I quickly go unlock the front door, propping it open so he can set them inside.

After over ten minutes the man finally hands the last package directly to me. I shut the door with my hip and set down the package onto the kitchen table. I get a knife and cut the package open. Inside is a list long enough to wrap around the house.

"What's this?" I mumble.

"The list." I hear a voice behind me call out.

Turning around I see Bernard standing there with several rolls of wrapping paper and a roll of ribbon. He sets them down, leaning them against the wall.

" I can see that. Why's it here?" I gesture to the multiple boxes scattered through the walkway.

"Your dad has to check them. Remember, p for present and c for coal." Bernard nods.

"What's that for?" I ask, pointing  to the wrapping paper.

"Training. Remember when I said your part is harder than your dads. Today we will be tackling wrapping." He picks up the now empty box that carried one part of 'the list'.

" Ok, I guess. But let's move to my room. I don't want my dad having a heart attack when he gets home. I don't think he'll believe you're real even if he sees you." I say taking the paper and ushering Bernard up the stairs.

I open my bedroom door and pull Bernard in, shutting and locking it behind me.

"Dad's got no sense of privacy so I'm gonna have to keep the door locked. Otherwise he'd come in and see, well, you, I guess." I explain.

"Has the santafacation process begun yet? It usually only takes three three months to be complete." Bernard asks, sitting on the edge of my bed.

"Santafacation? You mean my dad growing a beard that can't be shaved off, his hair turning white, and him gaining 150 pounds? If so than yes." I turn back to him.

"Oh good. I was afraid that the unwillingness would effect it." Bernard sighs.

"So wrapping and ribbon tying?" I ask.

"Yes, two very important parts of Christmas. We will practice until you get it just right." He pulls out tape and scissors and sets them next to the paper.

This is gonna be a long time.

(TIME SKIP BROUGHT TO YOU BY FED EX)

It's been over three hours wrapping. I finally got it just right. I've been fumbling over the ribbon tying though. I can't seem to get it right.

"Christmas Eve I believe it was 1955, Dubuque Iowa. Santa's making his way down a very dusty chimney when, CRASH- BOOM-ZING! A bow catches a rusty nail and rips off. Santa loses his footing and plummets all the way down through the chimney mr gets wedged between brick and cement and can't move. Now we don't want that to happen again do we?" Bernard monologues.

"That might be a little funny seeing my dad fall. But seeing as falling 20 feet instantly kills Santa's, maybe that's a bad idea." I look up at him.

"Is this one good enough yet?" I ask him handing the box to him.

"Exemplary, actually! I knew you could do it (y/n)!" He praises.

My cheeks heat up slightly. Somehow his praise makes me act different than others.

"Now, next time I see you we will work on placing the presents under the tree." Bernard stands.

"We don't have a tree. Mom used to buy us a real one each year, but after she passed we never bought one again." I get up off my knees.

"Well, we'll cross that bridge when we get to it." He shakes his head.

"Can you stay? Dad won't be home for a couple hours!" I ask him.

"Well, I don't feel great leaving Curtis in charge for too long." He rubs his arm.

"Please??? Just a little bit longer surly won't hurt!" I practically beg.

He sighs. "I guess half an hour more won't hurt."

I jump up, wrapping him in a tight hug. We nearly fall onto my bed with the amount of force I put into the hug.

" I like you, ya know?" I whisper to him.

"I kinda got that when you kissed me." He whispers back.

I snort and place a kiss on his cheek. Suddenly my ears start to feel like they are on fire.

"Ow!" I say, hand going up to rub my ear.

"What's wrong?" Bernard's face shows concern.

"My ears have been killing me lately. I don't know why though." I sit on my bed, legs crossed.

"I didn't think it'd happen this quickly. I guess I should have warned you." He grimaces, sitting down next to me.

"Warned me what?!" I ask, face full of worry.

"Well, uh, you're ears are changing." He takes my hands into his.

"Changing?" I ask, baffled.

"You know how your dad's changing. You're changing too. Just not as much. You've already got the power to talk to animals, but now your ears are going to become pointed. Your ears are going to hurt until they have fully transformed." Bernard discloses.

"Ugh," I groan. "how long will that take?"

"Actually I don't think you'll have to worry about that anymore." Bernard bites his thumb.

"What does that mean?" I ask.

"You might want to look in the mirror." Bernard says, like the fox caught in the henhouse.

I rush to my bathroom. Looking in the mirror I can see that my ears are now pointed. How am I gonna be able to walk around like this. Good thing that hat has ear flaps.

I walk out of the bathroom, cheeks red from partial embarrassment. Bernard's got the same look in his eyes when we kissed last.

"I love you." He blurts out, hand quickly covering is mouth and eyes going wide.

"I think I love you too Bernard." I swallow.

I walk over to him, pulling him onto the bed with me. His eyes dart from mine to my lips. I reach up and brush the hair from his face. Even sitting down, he's taller than me. He kisses me, one hand on my back and the other entwined writhing my own hand. This is different from before. More passionate. Our lips clash against each other. Suddenly a knock at my door pulls us away from each other.

"Honey! I'm back from work! I was wondering if you wanted to order pizza for dinner tonight!" My dads voice snaps is out of it.

"We'll talk later. I'm sorry we got interrupted." I whisper into his neck.

"It's fine. We will have plenty of time in ten months or so." He whispers back, a ghost of a smile on his lips.

I get up and walk to the door. I turn around and see Bernard gone.

"Yeah! Pizza sounds awesome! Can we get a veggie lovers one this time though?" I ask, unlocking the door.

I swing the door open and see my dad standing there. It seems like he's gotten bigger if possible. His eyes go to my ears and I subconsciously go to cover them.

"What the hell is this (y/n)? What's up with your ears?" He says pulling on one of them.

"First off, ow. Secondly, it's part of my transformation. Like you gained weight and grew a beard. I grew pointed ears." I explain.

"This is crazy! That was just a dream!" He says, trying to convince himself more than me.

"It wasn't a dream dad!" I argue with him.

"How do you know that?" He asks.

"Because my soulmate has been visiting me when your at work! That's how!" I burst at him without thinking.

"What? Soulmate?!" Dad stands confused.

"Yes! Bernard ended up being my soulmate. That's why I was born with a tattoo! Because it's not a tattoo, but a way of knowing who your soulmate is!" I seeth.

"Why that's wonderful!" Dad squeezes me.

"Too tight dad!" I choke out.

" I guess I knew that that night was real, but logic stopped me from realizing it." He let's me go.

"I love you dad." I hug him.

"I love you too honey." He hugs me back.

[vole-mon-amour]

IWTV, 1x06, part 1.

The cloud gift, huh? "With few exceptions, only few of us have it." Is it because he is respected by The Most Ancient one? Is it because she turned (?) him and he is allowed to drink blood from her? I have so much to learn.

The "You didn't know he had a flying gift?" is such a bullshit, he literally learned it the first night they had sex and Lestat bit him. Why are they telling this rehearsed story? What do they want to achieve? What and why are they fixing the first one is San Francisco?

The real hero of this story.

I find this very amusing as well. Daniel seems great.

This is very sweet and nice of her.

Holy shit.

What also amuses and saddens me: I believe it's basically Lestat's house? He owns it? And he can't enter it? Or, more like, chooses not to 'cause he wants to apologize. Because if he wanted to be That Person, he could've entered the house, whether they like it or not, with "This is my house. I live here. I own it. You're just living in it. Stay or leave, I don't care." The last sentence, of course, varies, 'cause seems like he does care.

The green screen/editing is so bad in this one. And how are they going to deal with an actual coffin outside the house? Non suspicious at all. Is there gonna be any logic behind that or?

You don't? You sure? I want a show about Lestat without Louis. Get yourself together and stop trying to fix your broken marriage that wasn't good even for a second.

"I've changed." Lestat, baby, stop grovel. You can have the entire world at your feet. I want to see you in your glory, with your power on full.

*deep sigh*

Tell me, Sam, how much do you work out? Damn it, men with their muscles. It's so much easier for them than for women.

And are you going to just cut him from the tape? :D I like this interaction. It's fun.

"Lover, murderer, maker."

They should've kept the same length for Lestat's nails. It was great in ep1, then it disappeared elsewhere. :(

= "Show some respect."

I am so curious to learn how many vampires he created over the years and how many hate him and why.

And I think I still prefer the book version of this. Claudia in this is being... way too much. She was plotting against him behind his back. She was pretending to play nice. She was a kitten ready to sleep on his lap. The show version? The show version I definitely dislike. I liked how bold Claudia was in the book with "I'll put you in your coffin, Father. Forever." I think it's absolutely iconic & they should've went with that.

But I guess they ruined that the moment they named him her Uncle, which is very sad. Tbh, I'm not completely sure what they're trying to do here. Different skin colour, different characterization, different stories (stories that I believe don't even exist in the books? I mean, Claudia's story? Are you for real? It ruins the entire concept of what was build in the first book & how Louis and Claudia both traveled to Europe), different naming. But somehow it's supposed to be the same story? IDK how that is supposed to work.

Baby boy. Baby.

Now, this is just rude. They went from long nails to shorter to non-existent. Ep1 nails where????

Just yesterday I read an opinion that show!Lestat was showing his love to Claudia through teaching her. Bc of what he didn't have bc of his parents, he tried to break the cycle of that (but obviously failed miserably). Seems like that is close to truth. He immediately started teaching Louis and Claudia, answering the questions. Not always straightforward, but he did it nonetheless.

"...and the sight of him throwing himself into a fire." So I guess being immortal will do that to you? The misery? Nothing satisfies anymore?

"I cried. I called to God. I didn't want this."

You live and learn to feed on other people, I guess. Oh, Lestat. :(

Sam is absolutely nailing this. Probably one of my fav monologues of his. A very good visual to this monologue.

Same, Lestat. Same. I'm a sucker for this.

Trying to remember how bold Claudia was with Lestat in the book & I don't think it was to that extend. I seriously dislike her. And he's suddenly all polite and cowardly, he's trying. Sounds weird but he still deserves better than this. It's toxic for every single one of them, but Claudia is being extra mean.

"She is a wall." That she is. She really needed sedation, after all, huh?

"I'm enduring."

Go fuck yourself, Claudia. :) I'm tired.

Go?? fuck??? yourself??? Kinda regretting reading the book before the show 'cause now I want to revisit it and see how Claudia was in the book. What lead to her hatred and her plotting. It's also... redeeming in some way in the book?

And you failed miserably, trying to find the right partner.

This is hell. He's living through hell. And for what? To let them try to kill him bc he loves Louis that much? I swear to god— He deserves fucking BETTER.

On the other hand, it has the book taste to this. Claudia mocking him, Louis still feeling for him and wanting to help him. Which still brings me to my point about deserving better.

And you see it and refuse to act on it because??? I'm so mad at this, I don't want to see the last episode, ever.

Oh? So he's just like me, then? Got it.

Just noticed that hand behind his back. Aww. :') Tell me how Louis didn't notice that they were levitating.

[tinyboxxtink]

"Doppelganger" *Part 2*

Yoooo I'm glad people love this! I'll be honest, not totally sure where this is going, but you know it'll be action packed, and full of angst. I already know it's gonna get pretty dark, so watch out for that if you're easily triggered by things.

That being said, let's get going!

If anyone missed part one, here's the premise:

Premise: Nevada's thugs see you and Rafael get engaged in the park and send a picture to Nevada, who realizes they have the exact same face. To which he immediately decides he is going to use for his full advantage....And that includes getting you.

And here's part three!

Tag List

@madamsnape921

@lolliepopsicle

@chasingeverybreakingwave

@milkshqke

@wanniiieeee

@word-scribbless

@gibbs274

@sassyada

@aprildecker-blog

@bookishfanfic

@stars-in-the-skies-world

@stars-trash-18

@omgsuperstarg

As I found out from @objection-argumentative, I've left some people out of my tag list?! I'm so sorry, if you're one of them please let me know! And if you're not already on it and wanna be on it, please let me know!!!!

Also Also @madamsnape921 said she hadn't been getting notified by Tumblr for the new posts, so let me know if that's happening too!

Okay enough talking. Enjoy.

--------------------

The next day you walked out of class talking to one of your friends, Gabi.

“God, that monologue is going to kill me,” Gabi sighed.

“I know, Shakespeare is the WORST,” You agreed.

“Mr. Carlyle doesn’t--Oh my god,” Suddenly she stopped talking and walking, putting a hand to her chest.

“What?” You looked around you in confusion.

“Someone important must be here,” She whispered.

“....Why do you say that?” You raised an eyebrow at her.

Gabi nodded towards a guy who looked much too old to attend a university, an earpiece in his ear, sitting on a bench near you pretending to read a book.

“Oh sweet Jesus….” You muttered.

“Oh my god, who do you think it is? Patti Lupone? BEN PLATT?!” Gabi began looking all around you frantically.

“Ohhh I’m sure it’s someone nowhere near as important,” You sighed, walking over to the man.

“Pursuing a back up career?” You crossed your arms.

“Uh, Ms. Y/L/N,” He slammed the book shut in surprise.

“You can leave, officer,” You instructed him

“I’m sorry ma’am I’m under strict orders from the ADA--”

“Oh I’m SURE you are,” You rolled your eyes as you pulled out your phone.

“Hey you, I was just--” Rafael started.

“What happened to trusting me?” You cut him off angrily.

“What?” He asked in confusion.

“Was your copper enjoying the view?” You asked while glancing at the cop.

“...Dammit John--” Rafael muttered angrily.

“Don’t blame John, he was just ‘following orders’,” You gave John a sympathetic look.

“Baby look--”

“No, no baby,” You cut him off. “Do you know how embarrassing this is?!”

“I didn’t mean to--”

“I don’t care what you meant to do Rafael, what you did was wrong. And if you can’t see that then we’re done talking for now,” You hung up the phone and looked at John.

“You can go, John,” You told him.

“But, my orders--” He protested.

“Would you rather have the wrath of Mr. Barba, or me?”

“Good point,” He nodded with a smile. “I’ll see you later, Y/N,” He patted your head and walked away. You looked back over at Gabi who was staring at the scene with wide eyes.

“Oh my god, are you famous?!” She squealed as you walked back over to her.

“What? No--” You half laughed at the idea.

“Are you researching a role?!” She got more excited.

“No, it’s my--”

“Oh I get it,” She nodded. “You’re like, the mayor’s daughter or something right?”

“Oh God--” You muttered, realizing she was right: this is exactly how a dad would react. “NO, I just have an overprotective boyfriend,”

“Oh my god! Is HE famous?”

“No, he just has too much at his disposal,” You rolled your eyes. “Let’s get out of here, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay…” She realized you were trying to the subject so she let it go-- for now.

---------

After your last class, you walked out to find Rafael waiting for you.

“Hey, baby I’m so sorry--”

“Save it,” You put a hand up. “Do you know what my friend asked me, after she saw the little stunt you pulled”

“What…?”

“She asked me if I was the mayor’s DAUGHTER,”

“What?! I don’t-- He doesn’t even have a--”

“That’s not the point, Rafael!” You tried to keep your voice down as not to cause a scene. “My point is you’re acting like an overprotective FATHER,”

“That is so low--”

“No, it’s not!” You cut him off. “Do you know how hard it is to convince people already that you’re my boyfriend and NOT my dad?”

“THAT is low, Y/N--”

“....Fine, it’s low,” You sighed. “But I’m serious, Rafael. You have to stop,”

“I just don’t want anything to happen to you,” He put a hand to your face.

“And I told you nothing will! You have to trust me if we’re going to be partners,” You held up your engagement ring.

“I know, carino--” He looked at you with puppy dog eyes.

“Parents and kids have a power dynamic, partners are equal,” You took his hands. “Are you my dad, or my partner?”

“....Your partner,” He pulled you into a soft kiss, causing a few stares as people walked by.

“I love you, Rafael,” You pressed your forehead against his, showing him you weren’t upset anymore.

“I love you too, mi vida,” He kissed your cheek. “Can we be done now, love?”

“Yes, I suppose,” You nodded as he slipped an arm around you as you walked down the street.

-----------

Nearby, two different henchmen of Nevada’s were watching the two of you from across the street, one was on the phone.

“Told you,” He nudged the other one. “She’s like a tick on a dog, sucking him all day and night,”

“So, where did you find her?” Nevada asked.

“We’re at some fancy school,” The one on the phone rolled his eyes.

“Julliard, tonto,” The other one hit him, admiring the campus greenery.

“Oh sorry,” The one on the phone made a face. “Julliard, Javi says,”

“Ooooh, she's fancy,” Nevada chuckled sarcastically.

“I’ll bet money the cabron pays for it,” The one on the phone laughed.

“Oh I’m sure she pays for it, Alejandro,” Nevada teased. “...In blow jobs,” He added with a laugh. “Keep eyes on them, see if they go back to his place,”

“Got it, Vada,” Alex nodded, hanging up the phone.

“So what are you gonna do ‘Vada, swoop in and get her?”

“....I’ve run a god damn empire for 15 years, as a SHADOW, Beto,” Nevada looked at him like he was an idiot. “You think now I’m just gonna fuck that up for some puta?”

“Well I don’t know I just--”

“Did I fucking say you could speak, tarado?!”

“No, I just--”

“My God, he’s still going,” Nevada laughed in disbelief, making Beto nervous.

“Y’know what, I don’t need this incompetence in my crew,” He glanced at one of his other men. “Abi, take him out and shoot him,”

Abi nodded, as two other men grabbed Beto and started dragging him out.

“No, wait!” Beto begged. “Please, ‘Vada I’m sorry! No! NOOO!!!!!”

“Fucking imbécil,” Nevada shook his head as he pulled out a cigarette from his leather jacket and lit it. Suddenly, his phone lit up. He glanced down at it, and Javi had texted him the address of Rafael’s town home.

“Excellente,” He smirked evilly.

“Now we can begin,”

[mavkasilas]

Songs for Perciver (part 2)

This 2 songs you probably had listened from tiktok (yea I spent most of my time on tiktok). Today the songs i'm gonna introduce is Ghost Town by Benson Boone and Softly by Thomas Day.

Why I think these 2 are perfect for Perciver? Well, actually I don't know, they just pop up in my mind and I think both of their chorus are kinda match to each other.

Here's the chorus of Softly by Thomas Day:

Maybe I've lost my composure You're the one that was holding me together And maybe this wasn't forever I can't ignore the prof It hurts me, cause it's true I'm still in love with you

This part gives me Oliver's vibe.

It's like the inner monologue of Oliver to Percy. I'm sure that there must be some times Oliver having insecure about himself and having some identity crisis, because of how Percy and some of his friends are so talented and perfect.

Then, finally that one time Oliver had a break down and scream out everything to Percy. He spills out all his insecure, his anxiety about his future and the passions for quidditch are fading away. This happens at the time they were about graduate, that time the war is almost arrives.

Percy accepts all the anger from Oliver, then he holds that lost boy in his arm tightly, comforts him until he fell asleep in his arms. I'll like to think that, Oliver definitely had one time thinking about hurting himself but it fails because Percy found it. He didn't question him or blame him, he just gently took off the razor blade from his hand.

At the end, both of them cry silently in the bathroom. That's the time Oliver knew he was saved and healed by Percy. His every first though was always, "Percy is my best friend", like a fucking friend zone card for himself to deny all the feelings he had on Percy. Until the day he receives the invitation from Percy's wedding, Oliver finally admits the feeling, but everything is too late.

So, here's the chorus of Ghost town by Benson Boone:

Maybe you'd be happier with someone else Maybe loving me's the reason you can't love yourself Before I turn your heart into a ghost town Show me everything we built so I can tear it all down

This part I'll give it to Percy and here's my explanation.

In my own head canon, Oliver is the one who always too late to discover his feelings and Percy is the one who understands the feelings but he don't know how to handle it. He's the first one found out he has feelings for Oliver, he thought about leaving him but then he realised he doesn't have the courage to do it because he's already be used to have Oliver by his side.

These two dickheads definitely misunderstanding each other all the way, thought each other will ends up with girls but we all know they end up with each other. Whenever Percy saw Oliver got surrounded by the girls, he's jealous; Whenever Percy saw Oliver had a good relationship with everyone in Hogwarts, he's jealous. He's possessive, and he wants Oliver be his only friend, but he know he can't.

Oliver makes him feel insecure, but Percy always can handle it because that's how he survived in his family. When in year 6 or year 7, after all the shit things Percy decides pull himself away from Oliver, staying distance with him. He knows both of them are different person. Among the year before they graduated, they totally become strangers and barely talk to each other.

The only time they talk is that time they had a big fight and Percy found the suicidal Oliver, but after graduate both of them just cut off the connections and never heard from each other again.

I kinda thought that Percy and Oliver will had a little fight in Percy's wedding too, but it'll be kinda cruel for Percy isn't it? But I don't care. So, everything just happens accordingly to the lyrics. Oliver confessed his feelings to Percy and wants him to run away with him, but he doesn't know Percy is the secret spy for the Order, he and Audrey are just faking.

You know, that time everybody is just keep sacrificing all their dreams and love to make sure they can run away from the death, so do Percy. He wants to protect Oliver but he can't spill anything out, so he chose the stupidest way: says all the mean thing to Oliver and breaks his heart. He says as hurt as he can, like the lyrics, destroy all the good memories and feelings they had so he can make sure Oliver is safe.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Yea this is the tea and conflict between Oliver and Percy during the pre-war time. Maybe you can find out that I'm a person that totally into adult's relationship, because I think that's really tons of things you can discover between two adult persons.

I prefer cruel serious realistic relationship than the sugar coated fairy tales.

That's the end of this blog, hope you enjoy it. Feel free to discuss with me, I really enjoy having discussion with you guys.

Have a good day! <3

[airis-paris14]

Wonder What She Thinks Epilogue

Summary: She learns to put herself first and he loses the best thing he ever had.

A/N: A new chapter of Starlight coming up next.

Warnings: None

Masterlist

It's Never Wrong When You're In Love...

I haven’t felt this type of thing in a while. I thought I lost myself in love until I found you.

- “Natural” Sabrina Claudio

I’m telling you right now from this day on, I’ve already weighed out the pros and cons, your just the woman I want.”

-"4evermore" Anthony David (ft. Algebra)

“Mrs. Jordan,” Michael leaned over and whispered in his bride’s ear. “Yes, Mr. Jordan?” Zoe beamed as she and her new husband waited for their cue to walk into the reception party. “You look absolutely breathtaking today. Coming down that aisle I was watching you like hot damn that’s my lady,” Michael grinned as Zoe slapped his arm, laughter falling from her lips. “Shut up, you were crying too,” the bride reminded, allowing Michael to wrap his arm around her waist.

“Yeah but that was the internal monologue,” he insisted as one of the tech workers handed each of them a microphone. The intro to “4evermore” by Anthony David began to blare on the other side of the banquet hall doors. “You ready?”

Zoe nodded and took her husband's hand. The doors opened on cue and the couple walked in belting their respective parts of the song.

“Forever’s a mighty long time but I really wanna spend it with you. I shine when you shine. There's really no substitute. 4evermore,”

The two danced around each other singing along with the track. The audience joined in clapping as the newlyweds continued their performance. “I’m making my plans just to be with you. It’s you and me, babe, till the days are through, And I ain’t ashamed, love, to say I do,” Michael crooned

They went through the chorus again before Zoe got her chance to shine, consequently surprising the guests who’d never heard her sing, “Pick a tree to carve our names, let the world know it’s not a game. Last longer than a wedding ring, generations tattooed with the love we bring. From the seeds we sow, to the time it takes to grow. Long enough to show you, I won’t let go of you. Without you, I'm incomplete, like this love song without this beat. I’m saying you are the man I need,” Zoe sang causing the crowd to erupt in cheers.

“I didn’t know Zoe could sing,” Shuri leaned over to her brother who was carrying both of his children in his arms. “She doesn’t often, but she’s great,” he nodded, trying to stop the regret flooding through his veins by bouncing his fussy two, almost, three-year-olds. He watched as their mother spun and sang with her husband. A man that wasn’t him. A man who was making her laugh and having fun on the dance floor as Camden started the rap verse in the song. His attention was then pulled to Nakia, as she laughed and danced on the sidelines of the dance floor cheering on Zoe and Michael with the rest of the bridesmaids and groomsmen.

“Ladies and Gentlemen, give it up for the new Mr. And Mrs. Michael B. Jordan. That was the best wedding entrance I’ve ever seen,” the DJ announced as the crowd began settling back in their seats. Zoe-Iman laughed as Michael handed over their mics and pulled her in close for their first dance. “I’m serious, who giving the new Mrs. Jordan a record deal, cause sis got some mad pipes. I know all this money in here, there’s gotta be a music exec looking for fresh talent. But, imma get off my soapbox so this new union can enjoy their first dance as husband and wife.”

Soon, “Butterflies Pt.2” by Queen Naija was drifting from the speakers as Michael gently swayed with his new wife, the couple singing along softly to each other. “You going to ask Nakia to dance?” Shuri caught her brother’s attention as she grabbed her niece from his arms. Not wanting to be left behind, Meluzmi began wriggling from his father’s arms to get down to the floor with his sister. “I don’t think Nakia wants to talk to me.” The king glanced again at his ex-wife dancing with Camden. “Nonsense, you all were friends first,” Ramonda interrupted, stooping to kiss both of her grandchildren. “That is why your father, and hers, thought you would make a great match.”

“You all are running the country well together, for over a year now.” Shuri pointed out smiling as the toddlers began bopping along to the song with each other. “Business conversations do not mean she will want to dance with me. Besides, she seems like she is having a good time with Camden.”

Shuri shook her head, “I’m taking the twins to dance, Mama, do something with him please,” the now 19-year old shook her head and headed towards the floor as the song shifted, signaling that other couples could join the wedding party on the floor. “Dance with me,” Ramonda extended a hand and the son turned king accepted and escorted her onto the floor.

“You know,” the queen mother started a few seconds later, “the first time you brought Zoe home, I was sure that within a year or two, you’d be telling your father you wanted to marry her.”

T’Challa smiled, “I was that obvious?”

Ramonda chuckled, “Painfully. You were looking at her like a lovesick fool the whole time she was there. Your father tried several times to give you his permission to date him. Even blatantly asking if you all were dating, but you were so stubborn.”

T’Challa looked away and swallowed, “It was not my finest hour and it will forever remain one of my biggest regrets, but I am happy for her.”

“You are, but you are also jealous. Zoe gave you plenty of chances, she even bore your children T’Challa but you were so stubborn, you lost your chance. Now that she’s happy, you should try to find happiness of your own. If not with Nakia, try again with someone. Don’t spend your life believing these were the only two women who could ever have been a great wife. Zoe found her happiness, Nakia is working on hers, it’s time you find your own.”

“Umama-” the king started. “Happiness outside of your children T’Challa, you need adult company too. Company you actually like, the elders don’t count.”

The king sighed and glanced across the room, “I’d like to try again, but I fear I will always wonder what Nakia and Zoe think of her.”

“That is your problem, you always wonder what everyone else is thinking, son.”

“You loved Zoe, but you were so afraid that we would hate her, you hid her and lost her. You had feelings for Nakia, but you wondered what she would think about what you had done to Zoe, so you pushed her away. Stop wondering what one girl will think about the other. Find your happiness, then bring her around. You always attract wonderful people, and we all always love each other. Think about it son, who else’s ex-wife is good friends with the woman her husband was cheating and had children with?”

Ramonda laughed, watching Zoe and Nakia dance with the rest of the wedding party. The king joined in chuckling as his mother continued, “Stop pitting the women against each other before they can even meet. Just let yourself fall in love freely son. We just want you to be happy.”

Zoe instinctively held her head further back as a smirk crossed her new husband’s lips. “Now, Michael, this is a very expensive white dress-”

“And you look beautiful baby-,” he raised his hand with a piece of cake in it closer to Zoe’s face. “Michael,” Zoe whined as his smirk turned into a full-on grin, “What? I’m just trying to feed my beautiful wife.”

“No, you are not!” Zoe laughed and dodged Michael’s hand, “I don’t wanna ruin my makeup, I paid a lot for it,” the bride pouted. “Fine,” the groom sighed, “I’ll be on my best behavior.”

“Thank you,” Zoe beamed and allowed him to feed her the piece of cake, she leaned in, kissed his lips, and smashed the piece of cake and icing onto his face, “Gotcha,” she cackled as Michael wiped icing from his mouth. The guests doubled over in laughter as he wrapped a giggling Zoe up in his arms and shook her. “You play dirty,” he laughed. “Mama!” two voices cried out as Ka’aulani and Meluzmi ran to their mom and stepfather. “Cake,” Meluzmi pleaded and his twin nodded her head in agreement. “Okay baby, “Zoe smiled. Michael cut them two small pieces and handed Zoe a plate. The caterers took over cutting up the rest of the large cake for the couple as they led their children over to the main table.

Michael took his self-proclaimed best friend Meluzmi in his lap and let him try and figure out how to spear the soft pieces of dessert, before eventually helping him out. Not wanting her daughter to ruin her dress or hair, Zoe still couldn't understand how so much of the toddler’s meals ended up in her curls, the mother alternated between feeding the toddler and herself. The small family sat sharing cake in silence, bobbing softly to the beat of Kiss Me More while watching their guests tear it up on the dance floor and fight over pieces of cake. “There you two are!” Shuri sighed obviously frustrated, “ T’Challa is gonna kill me, he wanted me to keep them so you could enjoy yourself.”

“Girl,” Zoe dismissed. “He will be fine. My babies just wanted some cake and their mommy.”

On cue, the twins giggled. “Are you having fun?”

Shuri shrugged, I’m just glad to see you happy,” The teen admitted. “Yeah but you’re young, you should be out dancing, and not with two-year-olds.”

“I got a cousin, he’s 20, but I think y’all get along great,” Michael grinned and called the boy over. As predicted he and Shuri hit it off and as the party forged ahead, the couple saw the two dancing and shared a fist bump. “We’re definitely the matchmaking couple,” Zoe beamed.

As the party began to wind down hours later, T’Challa approached the couple for the second time that day and cleared his throat. “My mother and I were about to leave, I was gonna take the twins,” the king gestured towards the children sleeping peacefully, each spread over two chairs pushed together. “Oh okay, thank you for coming and babysitting,” Zoe Iman Jordan hugged her former best friend, ex-lover, and the father of her children, “I’m gonna go say goodnight to mama,” she squeezed Michael’s hand before leaving in search of the older matriarch. “I’ll help you grab the kids, '' Michael broke the silence.

T’Challa nodded and they grabbed the slobbering children from their makeshift beds and headed out of the venue to the cars. Once both twins were buckled, they leaned against the car awaiting the women’s arrival. “Michael thank you.”

“For what?” The actor turned to the monarch. “For loving Zoe and for bringing the light back to her life. For taking care of her and loving my children as your own, even when I wasn’t man enough to do the same.”

Michael nodded, “You know for the longest I hated you. I didn’t understand how one man could be so self-involved he couldn’t see how amazing of a woman he had right in his hand. I hated that you messed with Zoe’s head, made her second guess herself. Then I finally got her to a good place, she opened up, we were having a good time, then she found out she was pregnant. You wouldn’t even text her back about your own kids.” T’Challa nodded and shoved his hands in his pockets, “If I could do it all again, I would do it differently believe me.”

I know,” the groom agreed, “but everything happens for a reason. I don’t approve of what you did, but if you had been a good partner, I probably wouldn’t be married to the love of my life right now. So I forgive you. And those kids, they are like my own. I am beyond glad that you’ve stepped up for them. I want them to have their father and a bonus father in their lives. You stay involved and love them, then there are no hard feelings between us.” The acclaimed actor extended a hand and T’Challa accepted his handshake. “You have my word, I’m never leaving them again.”

“Good.” Michael leaned back against the car and crossed his legs, hands stuffed in his tuxedo pockets. “So what’s next for you?” He asked a few beats later.

T’Challa exhaled, “I’m not sure, but I do know I wanna get my life back on track. Find someone and treat her right.”

“Then you do that man,” they stood up off of the car as Ramonda approached. “I just wonder what she’ll think of this family. It’s all a little bizarre isn’t it?”

“Yeah most baby mamas and ex-wives aren’t best friends, especially under our circumstances, but if she loves you and you love her, there’ll always be room in the family.”

“I appreciate that Michael.”

“Shuri staying with Nakia?” The actor asked when the queen mother reached the car. “Yes, she and your cousin have taken quite a liking to each other,” Ramonda raised an eyebrow. “You know me and Zoe will watch out for her,” Michael reassured. “I know, that is the only reason I’m letting her stay,” Ramonda answered.

“We’ll get her back to you safely later tonight. I promise,” The actor shoved his hands in his pocket and stepped back. “I guess we better get going then-”

“Wait,” Zoe walked out of the venue over to the car. “I didn’t get to kiss my babies goodbye,” the mother pouted. Michael laughed as T’Challa rolled his eyes. “Boy, don’t roll your eyes at me before they get stuck like that.” She slapped his chest before opening the car doors and kissing both of her toddlers.”

“Okay, we will swing by to pick them up after we get back. And you have everything packed for them right? You have Meluzmi’s inhaler, and enough clothes and replacement outfits? You got the earplugs too right? They hate heights and the sounds of the plane's engines when-”

“Zoe they will be fine. T’Challa reassured. “And if I don’t have it, you know my mother will make sure they get it. They will be fine. I can do this,” The king grabbed both of her hands and squeezed them gently. “I know, I know,” the young mother sighed, “This is just the longest I have been away from them ever and I’m nervous.” Michael moved up to wrap an arm around his wife’s waist and press a kiss to her forehead. “ Everything will be fine,” he soothed. “I know-”

“Then stop worrying,” T’Challa offered a sad smile, “You deserve this, to be happy, to have a break, to enjoy your honeymoon. You are an excellent mother Zoe, but they have a father too. So enjoy your break, enjoy your marriage. I promise they will be just as alive and happy as they are now when you get back from your trip.”

Zoe nodded and sighed, finally stepping back from the car with Michael at her side. “Okay, see you in three weeks. Thank you all again.”

“Anytime, you know I love my grandbabies.” Ramonda hugged the bride once more before closing the door facing the twins and taking a seat in the backseat next to them. “Ayy, Mike, it’s almost time for the garter toss,” Two of the groomsmen waved the couple over but T’Challa reached for Zoe’s hand. “Can we talk?”

Zoe nodded at her husband letting him know she was okay, he looked the king over once more before heading inside to watch from the doorway. “What’s up?”

“I just wanted you to know that you were right.”

“About what?” the bride squinted. “About deserving to be with someone who can say they love you in and out of the bedroom. You deserve someone who loves you out loud, and I’m glad you found it in Michael.”

Zoe smiled softly, “Thank you. I hope you find the same for yourself. We both deserve someone.”

“I think I already did but I kind of fucked it up...twice,” the king chuckled. “I’ll keep you updated on that front though.”

Zoe Iman nodded. T’Challa gestured to the doorway, “I think you better go though, your husband hasn’t stopped watching.” Zoe laughed, glancing over her shoulder at Michael who was, sure enough, watching from the door. “Yeah... Goodbye T’Challa.” Zoe pulled the king in for a hug before placing a kiss on his cheek.

“Goodbye, Zoe… I love you,” he sighed once she had walked off out of earshot.

Taglist: @almostpurelysmut @blackbypurpose @tchoking @sisterwifeudaku @wikiwakanda @royallyprincesslilly @90sinspiredgirl @thedelightfulone @autumn242 @purple-apricots @kumkaniudaku @queertrex @kaciidubs @halfrican-heat @skysynclair19 @dramaqueenamby @leahnicole1219 @kreolemami @mzbritt @derangedcupcake @chaneajoyyy @lalapalooza718 @ororowrites @leahnicole1219 @sarcastic-sunshines @sarahboseman @faatassbitch @lady-love-and-glitter-roses @cxnismajcr @tchallasbabymama

[smallestclowninthecircus]

Season 3 notes popping off

due to my desire to not completely fail all my classes this year i made myself slow down significantly while listening to this season, and the fact that the other person i'm listening along with had to catch up. We've managed to convert several other people to start listening and its pretty great.

ep 81: what does it even mean to be chosen by one of them? And if he was chosen by the eye. we know Gertrude wasnt? Because she cut the eyes out of the magazines?

ep 82: elias lmao. I understand why people like him so much bahshdhdk i thought he was gonna snitch on Jon but he didnt so he's fine. Ok but how do we think he knew all that stuff. Idk probably just institute connections. I love the fact that the recorder just wants to record stuff randomly bjahsjdhd. Elias feels a lot like Michael in the sense that he knows more than he should and talks in a way that implies he just wants to wait and see how things play out for his own benefit. I understand him knowing the things that happened but his description of her emotions implies something paranormal. Maybe he's connected to one of the entities. Which one I cannot guess.

ep 83: did a file get delivered randomly to the place he's staying at? Probably elias lmao. He thinks the mannequin is related to the stranger. Idk I would believe it.

ep 84: worms? I know he says earth worms but idk. Again? Is she making gordon golems out of trash? Martin popping off. You can tell the statements get to him more that they get to Jon. How come martin is so mad about it? I want to assume he just doesnt want her to get stuck there but idk. Jude Perry. The calliope organ. Jon heard a circus in one of the last episodes

ep 89: he's talking to perry? Like jude Perry? He says ... God? Is that what it is? Lmao. The Desolation. Jon is tired of ppl being vague and not telling him stuff lmao. Oh God Jon is so confused. Compel her? Is she assuming he has some kind of power? Does he have powers? Hmm. im agreeing with jon here please jesus christ why does everyone have to be so cryptic. Just say what you mean. "maybe you get an itchy eye" bahasjkdfklsjdf girl what. Agnes saved her? Oh this is the girl from the cafe story? So theres the Cult of the Lightless Flame? They worship whatever entity this is? The Desolation? Why do they all seem like they sorta worship her then? Is Gretchen gonna die oh god. fuckin michael. a different michael aaah. i see. dont do it shes gonna burn you. sir. please. sir dont you dare do- WHAT DID I SAY what did you think was gonna happen hhh.

ep 90: try to make it less obvious you're trying to get fired big T. Elias that doesnt sound like the most healthy thing to do. oh dear is this gonna be triggering for me. uuuuuh. uuuuuuuuuh. doesnt seem like it ok gonna keep listening. Jared. hmmmmm. Ok we've seen Keay and hotner or whatever his name was.

ep 91: Michael Crew. Oh is this the lightning scar guy. Mister jon sir did you just die. No? God everyone is so fuckin cryptic. Say normal things please. They all just like to go on about pain and agony and j e s u s c h r i s t we get it you got hurted by whatever thing. So theyre avatars? question mark? Jude Perry is an avatar of The Desolation? hhhh fractals. thats a spiral thing innit. Yup. messing with your perceptions. God they all talk about feeding their god and feeding that which feeds them and. hh what does that meann. Leave big J. please. uh oh. is it daisy? how come he has the web lighter still? the tape recorder just turns on sometimes you know how it is. So he can compel people? not that he knows it obviously but. a bit wack. powers go brr i guess? If the eye just wants knowledge i guess he feeds it by getting the statements? b/c i doubt it wants him to murder ppl or whatever.

ep 92: elias you all knowing fuck what do you know. (i guess all given what i just said) Lukas. Heard of them before. Mordecai Lukas. Loneliness. The lonely even. Jonah Magnus. Elias ur sounding like a bit of a dickhead rn. lmao jon's just like "i dont care" elias what is ur deal. Why does he want to tie her in. ohh i see. lmao theyre all just like "elias why" The Unknowing lol seems very much like something the eye wouldnt like. lol elias is gettin all philosophical. what does it really mean to be human. this still doesnt answer why gertrude wanted to destroy the archives tho.

ep 93: bahsjdfh he seems so dead inside rip. awww admiral. i love him already. ghh breacon and hope. purple mold. doesnt sound like anything we've seen so far. I think the funniest explanation for breacon and hope is that they dont actually serve the stranger they just kinda happen to be a random neutral party that cart around random spooky entity related stuff. ooooh. when we hear the slight static of the tape recorder it's cuz he's compelling ppl.

ep 94: the end! listen man they were all just grayed up for 4/13.

ep 95: the end also? death but also savagery/ animalistic shit. aww martin. lmao becerra. she's just been chillin in the corner.

ep 96: return to sender. haha minecraft go brr. prediction: breacon and hope? yup there we go. jon why is there an echo. are you in a stairwell? is he gonna eat it- yup. how did i call it. unsure abt what theyre talking about but ok. they kidnapped someone? Sarah Baldwin. ooooh that guy.

ok im just putting this here so i have notes for when nicholas gets to this part. It seems like (from jon's conversation with jude perry) that the desolation and the eye are kinda at odds with eachother? like i guess not directly but it seems like they dont really vibe? so how could be with both. Cuz if he has the heat powers and shit then we know he's an avatar of the desolation. but then why does he have so much eye imagery. also he got burned intentionally? like jude did when she went on her monologue about the feeling of burning? but then why did he wear the eye pendant. it stops him from being burned all the way which seems like he's not fully accepting the fire or whatever.

Nooooo I lost like a bunch of my notes rip. I keep forgetting to save.

Ep 104: tim gives a coherent statement without jon even being there. Ugh. Fucking robert smirk. Dont like him. Joey. Dont recognize the name. The show must go on. Clown. The spooky circus?

ep 105: total war... shogun 2? jon is just understanding languages again. "if i understood mandarin or cantonese" are you sure you dont big man?

ep 106: havent we heard this one already? mans in space? oh no this is just another episode in space. fairchild... uuuh. cant remember. oh! this is related to that! this is one of the ppl from the other side. sounds like a Vast thing. oh he's the one that the dude saw? but that guy didnt have a face... she's sorta like jon. wanting to dismiss the statements. lmao i love the workplace gossip. ace jon for the win! oh cmon elias dont be a dick. sunny meadows or whatever. thats the place we heard about.

ep 107: oh great is it jude perry again. Third Degree. bahahsdkfj she was arrested. sorry but imagining this old british lady getting arrested is funny. she was trying to resurrect him. using the skin book. he's not feeling well. jon take a nap. i wonder if this is what happens when he uses his powers too much. He gets into The Zone when he reads statements lol. didn't we have a burning train car in anothre statement? is it julia fairchild? bahahahs "kidnapped. Again." poor jon honestly. julia... about her dad. daughter of the murder shed guy? hunting like your dad liked to hunt or normal people hunting. oh hunting vampires!

ep 108: melanie has been suffering. poor martin peter lukas why do you have to be like this. can he not just use the front door? does he have to bother the ppl doing statements?

ep 109: how come he cut her off? kinda rude tbh. its either jon's influence or there was smth he didnt want her saying. is it gerard on the table? this sounds kinda like smth from one of the university episodes. is it the closed eye on the hand? yup. he's like one of the students! if the thing listening in is elias then... he can do that without the tape recorder yknow. plus who's to say it wont just turn itself on again

110: who wants to bet its a leitner?

111: Lukas related to The Lonely. I used to not like Gerard that much but i like him more now. but i thought there were 15? ohhh thats right isnt flesh newer? gerry for the win honestly. finally telling jon things.

112: lol "again" no one ever tells any of these ppl anything. tim and basira are just out of the loop constantly. music, like the war episodes. The hunt or the slaughter? probably the hunt. so Daisy is related to the hunt right? basira likes the reading, she's doing fine at the institute. daisy's getting worried...

113: it just turned on randomly. what is it lol. explossives! oh boy. why do they always assume he turned it on intentionally. melanie youre not making me like you that much. which entity is this about i cant tell. lol he was disappointed it was just the end. The title Breathing Room made me think it was gonna be about the buried but i guess not. So many of these entities deal with death but the end is one that deals in just death. it has no need for fancy deaths, just death is enough

114: more hilltop road statements? the tree. oh boy. ok the tree has 8 arms obviously theres the spider parallels. was she taken into an alternate universe? oh no. jon tries to phrase things so he's not asking questions. thats honestly good. "sometimes i was kidnapped" oh dear. they got gertrude. daisy ur so odd lmao. who wants to bet they dont know the tape recorder's running?

115: silaca? or whatever? antique man? meat grinder... related to the meat is meat episode? oh wow. they buy antiques from him. maybe dont antagonize this creature which can kill you?

116: lol theyre all just so done with elias. music? is it like the one band that if you hear them you die or wtvr. oh its chess? i am very much confused. mmm stranger go brr. gorilla skin? oh shit the dance. woah. this is so good. this is so gender. the words are wonderful. "you can just say tim" lmao trying to fool elias never feels like a good idea.

117: except elias lmaoo. oh shit. leitner getting some use for once idk. bruuh poor melanie she has been thru so much shit. martin you can just say youre worried about jon. lol he's so accurate in his jon impression. lol who was that. was that daisy? lmaoo. oop hi tim. oh god i hope tim doesnt die. i feel like i wouldve heard about that? but im not sure. destroying the source of knowledge is gonna be hard for jon. yay jon! you did a good thing. let him rest.

118: go off martin lmao. awww poor martin. oh god the tape gets that squealy quality and its awful.

119: woah. lots of things happening. uhh. POP OFF TIM!!

120: lmao elias giving a statement about jon's dreams lol. damn jon doesnt even get his own dreams? has to stay Watching even when he's asleep? f in the chat this man goes thru so much shit. oh boy its peter. lol martin my beloved. idk i dont trust peter.

[tellywoodtrash]

immj2 19.04.21 lb

here's what you "missed" (lbr tho, not watching tellywood is not called MISSING, it's called "FREEDOM") last week on this shitshow:

kabir pehla mauka dekh ke vatttt liya. #livefree my love.

kiara died the most inglorious death - forcefed a peanut butter milkshake.

riddhima as per usual, the moment someone drops dead in their vicinity, turned to vansh and was like:

ghar mein saaaaare 90s bachche start playing CID-CID. kaabil detectives watching this bs like......

besttttt part is that none of these dumbasses are ANYYYYYYYYYY closer to opening the damn black box than they were 2 weeks ago.

meanwhile someone keeps threatening riddhima ki they're gonna tell vansh the whole 6 hours secret. ho hum. sansaaaar ko khatam ho jaana hai lekin yeh manhoos raaz nahi khulna.

aslkdjaslkdjlsakjdlaskjd anu mom and her new-found spirituality and daily meditation is actually sending me.

mummyji being super helpful and telling riddhima ki dadi has the torch now. love how the whollllllle family is just playing passing the parcel with this thing, getting their grubby fingerprints all over it, as if it's NOT A VALUABLE PIECE OF EVIDENCE IN A MURDER.

dadi meanwhile is burning a hole in her phone screen staring at kiara's tattoo. bachchon se leke buddhon tak sabne isko ghoora hai, lekin majaal hai, inmein se ek ko bhi kuch samajh aaya ho. why can't y'all just accept that maybe it means nothing, it's just one of those dumb foreign language tattoos, that probably say "ek plate gobi manchurian" or some shit.

riddhima's here asking for the torch and dadi is just like BHAKKKKK NIKAL YAHAAN SE while having flashbacks to brandishing the mashaal like some crazyass charlotesville nazi.

another flower delivery for riddhima that vansh is receiving at the door, and sis loses it. runs like PT USHA and grabs the flowers and note outta his hand thinking it's another threat and tears it up.

vansh here like:

but also she cut her hand so ofc he's using mauka to suck on her finger. MAN IN THESE CORONA TIMES, Y'ALL REALLY KILLING ME WITH THIS GANDAAAAAA NON HYGENIC BEHAVIOURRRR.

lmao the bouquet was from vansh, as an apology (for what? no like, we've lost count of all the shit you do on an hourly basis, so which exact thing are you saying sorry for right now????)

also what adbhut new way of being pregnant is this that the immj2 ladies have cracked, ki inka itnaaaaaa se bhi pait nahi nikalta????

anyway, some blah blah cutesy romance bakchodi that no one has time for. i liked it better when y'all were constantly horny.

angre as usual here with some manhoos khabar that has vansh frowning and storming away.

police aayi hai. excuse you, we don't recognize any cops here but our one and only KABIR. HAIN KAHAN HUMAARA LADKA??? MISSING HO RAHI HAI YAAR?!?!!!? KYUN LAGA RAKHA HAI FALTU KA YEH SHOW WITHOUT THE BEST CHARACTER THAT EXISTS IN IT?

anyway police is like we heard there was a murder here, and vansh is like huh whaaa here no??? no dead ppl here, no sir. you may leave. police waale bhaiyya is like bhak chutiye, aise thodi hota hai, warrant laaye hain, hatt saamne se.

angre taking out a rolled up carpet, a trick outta the vihaan book. but it's too small to have anything rolled up in it, so.......

doesn't stop the police from making a big deal of searching it though, while vansh side mein se taane maarta hai. waise bhai kaaafi good mood mein hai aaj kal. looks like someone's been taking their meds these days.

riddhima just randomly falling down behind them. like..... ???????

this police is literally too dumb to function. THEY CAME WITH A WARRANT TO SEARCH THE WHOLE HOUSE, JUST LOOKED INSIDE THIS ONE ROLLED CARPET (THAT TOO AFTER GETTING DISTRACTED BY RIDDHIMA'S RANDOM GIRRNA) AND WERE LIKE OK DONE THERE'S NOTHING HERE BYE. LMAO WHAT THE HELL, MY CAT PLAYS HIDE AND SEEK WITH MORE FOCUS AND PURPOSE THAN THIS.

husband wife and anu mom giggling over how riansh ke do takke ka pyaar is enough to chutiya banaofy everyone. kya hi bakwaaas.

the slightest of movement and vansh is dizzy. lol is he severely anemic like me???? join the club, bitch. we have iron supplements.

oh boy, cut to a while later and bro don't look too good. he's still smiling at riddhima's banter and all, but.......... idk man, he looks like he's having a daura of some sort.

riddhima's amazing medical knowledge (or just plain common sense???) finally kicks in and she's like, u ok dude? imma call a doc. and he's like nooooooo i'm fiiiiiiiiiiiine. ok whatever. maro apne iss stupid secret container room office mein. bewakoof.

ISKE BEECH MEIN BHI ROMANCE. BHAAD MEIN JAO YAAR TUM LOG.

asldkjaslkdjlaskdjlaskdj angre ne laash ko vyom ke ghar rakh diya. as if there aren't enough creepy things lying around in there in the first place.

ok vansh seems to be getting real breathless and sickly.

meanwhile idhar angre is doing some kinda depraved play with kiara's laash and........... man everyone in this show is a fucking psychopath.

also it's now been like 3, 4 days since the chick died and ..................... body's not smelling ripe yet?

vansh coughing his way through opening that stupid orange coloured black box and.......... abbe chutiye, zinda rahoge toh khol paoge?????????

anyway the tattoo code whatever only has 5 digits and he needs 6 and meanwhile anu mom has come yelling about how siya's gone missing. great. ek pallllllll ka chain nahi is pagal-khaane mein.

find some letter in her room. vansh's coughing is getting worse and worse. bro, time to get a covid test.

at least siya was helpful enough to tell everyone she's going to saste!bhaiyya.

asli bhaiyya is understandably very very upset. and thus coughing and huffing puffing even more. SOMEONE TAKE THIS DUDE TO A DOCTOR THIS IS GETTING DISTRESSING TO WATCH OML.

anu mom toh is full-on ignoring vansh actively dying in front of her rn and is like OH GOD SIYA KAHIN KOI "NAADAAANI" MEIN ZINDAGI KHARAAB NAA KAR BAITHE (meaning: OMG VIRGINITY KHATRE MEIN HAIIIIII!!!!!!!!)

riddhima is like dude you're not fucking ok and he's still like I'M FINE I'M JUST WORRIED FOR SIYA. idk man i'd be more worried about your obviously failing phepdein and dil than your sister's hymen, but that's just me i guess.

riddhima is calling vyom and threatening him, and nothing gets vyom hornier than being threatened, so ofc, bhai mood mein hai.

vyom, unlike all other tellywood baddies (and even goodies), is a big believer in consent. good on him. 10 points to him over every other chutiya man in this show.

he's informing her about how vansh thikaane lagaofied the laash at his place. oufffffff, y'all need to respect poor dead kiara instead of just shuffling her body back and forth like this. uski aatma tum logon ke upar mandaraaayegi, dekhna.

riddhima's like idc about all this i just want siya to be safe and he's like too late babe. sardi, khaasi, na malaria hua; humko love love love loveriaaaaa huaaaa.

vyom's like siya aayi apni marzi se hai, par jaayegi meri marzi se. guess he don't believe in consent so much anymore. (revokes the 10 points i gave hm earlier. also taking away 50 points for this uglyass suit. bhai tu shirt utar, wohi behtar hai.)

vansh has now progressed to coughing like the people from the pre-movie anti-tobacco ads now.

hides the orange black box in yet another secret room hidden behind some panel, where all the raisinghania wealth is hoarded like pirate's booty in all these crates. y'all crazy, its 2021, put that shit in offshore bank accounts you dumbasses.

anyway he tells angre all this shit kaafi detail mein, and lord idk how angre ke neeyat doesn't phisalofy to just off this fucker and take over the whole thing himself. zero ambition this boy has. ishani hoti isske jagah, toh pakka karti. precap: riddhima trying to console vansh about siya; vyom being a creepy ass monologuing loser as per usual; vansh pays a visit to vyom exuding hella lotta sexy energy.

[punkscowardschampions]

Jimmy & Janis

Jimmy: [okay but what if we're really rude and say that he's getting up to leave/get ready to go to work etc whatever but she wakes up because neither of them are good sleepers so makes sense to me even if it's early] Jimmy: [awkwardly both getting ready cos she's got dogs to walk including his] Janis: [that makes sense to me too, fun times lol] Jimmy: [at least they've got the excuse of not wanting to wake mcvickers up for keeping this bit silent af] Janis: [and at least neither of you takes a million years to get ready either] Jimmy: [casual speed run lol because he can't get ready properly til he gets to his house if it's for work because didn't get chucked out in his uniform, when you've gotta come with him gal cos nobody will be up at his either so that'll be an awkward short walk] Janis: [when you aren't saying shit 'cos no way to gauge how much he remembers here remotely] Jimmy: [and he's not either because 1. rarely does 2. would remember being kicked out and then rescued but unlikely he'll remember exactly what he said or did and can't exactly re-read the convo in front of her in case he dies] Janis: [the only saving grace is you're both used to silences but this beats the usual in awkwardness so not really] Jimmy: [thank god when they get to his Twix will be extra af so he can just be like' tah' which we know is not at all a casual thank you and run inside like gotta go get ready BYE] Janis: [run off with that dog gal] Jimmy: [later so he's had to chance to take a break at a time when somewhere that cuts keys would be open and get a load more spares done] Jimmy: 🔑✔ Jimmy: no need to nick yours off you again Janis: 👍 Janis: glad to hear it Jimmy: I get it, saving lads from 💀💀💀 ain't what you're after Jimmy: must've been 💔 Janis: It was no big Janis: Bill might be 💔 though Janis: not really Juliet's role Jimmy: I'd say he'll live but bit late and rude Janis: 👻bants Jimmy: ain't your role now any road, he'll have to haunt some other lass Janis: now that's 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: if you miss him that bad, chuck the script out and make yourself Romeo Jimmy: I'll be the lass who don't get a face or owt to say Janis: makes more sense 😎🤐 Janis: some edgy teen drama been there, done the rewrite though, I'm good Jimmy: I get it, you reckon the gay rumours might resurface Janis: no doubt Jimmy: the 👻 bants ain't worth it Bill mate Janis: bit rude Jimmy: I'll keep it 😎🤐 then soz Janis: unless you're changing your role too Jimmy: don't have the range, my dear Janis: there's your answer then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: the dog is more wound up than usual today Jimmy: last night were a bit Jimmy: didn't get kicked out for nowt Janis: yeah Janis: just letting you know Janis: take it for a longer walk, try to wear it out Jimmy: Alright Janis: Will he let you back in tonight Janis: or are you gonna have to wait Jimmy: can let myself in 🔑s 'll do that, like Janis: obviously Janis: but are you gonna need to avoid him 'til he's asleep or what, is what I was saying Jimmy: whatever I need to do is nowt for you to worry about Janis: alright Jimmy: I meant what I said, no need to 📞 you or an SOS or owt Jimmy: 🦇 about without looking for a signal Janis: I know Janis: was just asking Jimmy: if I said owt about him when I were being a drunken dickhead, it'll have just been bollocks Janis: you've said he's a twat plenty of times Janis: and I have met him so Jimmy: yeah Janis: you didn't say anything Janis: don't worry Jimmy: 👌 Janis: later then Jimmy: I just Jimmy: didn't mean for nowt like that to happen Janis: 'course you didn't Janis: I'm not that dick though Janis: what, like I'll hold it against you Janis: if you want to forget about it, then do, I'm fine with that Jimmy: I'm not calling you a massive dickhead, I'm saying I feel like one Janis: you don't need to Janis: your family shit ain't my business but it ain't your fault Janis: or if it was, whatever, yeah Jimmy: I don't just mean that though Jimmy: how we left things an' all Jimmy: all that bollocks before Janis: well Janis: I fucked it up so Jimmy: I did my bit Janis: if you really want that credit Jimmy: 🏆's a 🏆 babe Janis: only when you don't give it yourself, allegedly Jimmy: Oi, don't be quoting my rules back to me Janis: one for you and one for everyone else, is it Jimmy: I know what I said, weren't pissed then an' all Janis: I'm glad you don't have a #problem Jimmy: might do now I'm SO 💔🎻😭 after having lost my Juliet Jimmy: if I'm gonna have to put the 💀💀💀 work in myself, it'll do Janis: drove you to drink is usually reserved for marriage and didn't actually fake propose so that's on you Jimmy: the 🍷🦷 will put off 💀👑 and the rest of the lasses about but whoever Ian's with will be well up for it so that's his life ruined and job done Jimmy: can't help that the flatcap fits, girl Janis: if you're gonna kill yourself with booze, I'd pick something that tastes better than wine Janis: but I get it, you wanna be like Lucas in all the ways Jimmy: point's to be 💀💀💀 not have a laugh but alright Jimmy: I'll lure him in an' all while I'm about it Jimmy: not one to rest on my bloody laurels, me Janis: have your 🏆 Jimmy: fill it with 🍷🥳⚰ Janis: am I allowed to go your funeral or what Jimmy: why wouldn't you? Janis: people get weird 'round funerals Janis: Shaz might ban me Jimmy: far as people know we're still 💕's young dream so she'd have a job to have a go Jimmy: Bill is gonna be chuffed to bits by the attempt Janis: not if you steal her Janis: loudly declaring her undying 💕 over your corpse Jimmy: weren't planning to go that far, but Ian would be chuffed to bits himself by that so tah for the 🥇💡 Janis: why half-arse the job Jimmy: I said I don't have the range Janis: like you don't just have to lie there Janis: x2 Jimmy: fake dating you ain't prepared me to pretend I'm eager to crack onto other Sharon Jimmy: who's fault's that? Janis: suppose that's a compliment Janis: backwards one but I'll take it Jimmy: didn't reckon you'd fancy one the right way round Janis: yeah right Jimmy: right 'cause you said you can't hack it Jimmy: remember that bit, me Janis: that's convenient Janis: can all be selective with our memories, boy Jimmy: meaning what? Janis: picking and choosing what bits you want and chucking 'em at me is very Catholic school of you Jimmy: it were you who said it, so if you're trying to say either of us said or did something I need to remember after I chucked a load of 🥃 down my throat, go on Janis: I'm not Janis: you passed out like immediately Jimmy: 👍 Janis: did you think something happened? Jimmy: how would I know? Janis: 'cos you chucked a load of 🥃 down your throat so why would it Janis: for fuck's sake Jimmy: I don't mean you might've done owt, dickhead, just me Janis: not that desperate that I'd hold you to it Janis: but you didn't Jimmy: just desperate enough to have a one track 🧠 Janis: shut up Jimmy: I never said it had to be something like that Janis: what else would you mean Janis: were at my grandparents house, you'd know if you'd vommed or otherwise been a twat Jimmy: loads else I could say or do, isn't there? Janis: me and my one-track mind would have no idea Janis: what are you 😱 you said? Jimmy: yeah 'cause I'm gonna tell you now if I didn't then Jimmy: nice try, dickhead Janis: 🙄 Janis: you expect me to sit here and tell you everything you said Janis: didn't commit it to my memory, even if I weren't pissed Jimmy: no, just tell me what happens next Janis: 📖🖋 Janis: never my job that bit Jimmy: we're both off the clock last I heard Jimmy: we left it like we were never gonna have a word to each other again, then what you stop me 🥶 to 💀💀💀 and it's back to nowt? Janis: I don't know Janis: you don't owe me nothing, if that's what you're getting at Janis: probably wouldn't let many die just 'cos, believe it or not Jimmy: piss off, you know it weren't what I were getting at Janis: alright Janis: but I still don't know Janis: what do you want to do Jimmy: what makes you reckon I know owt if you don't? Janis: even if I say I overreacted Janis: not taking back that there was a vibe Janis: that was hard to ignore Jimmy: I'm not calling it a vibe but alright Janis: you think of a bloody word for it then Janis: it's wanky but it's a useful replacement for when you can't even, babes Jimmy: 🙄 Janis: so helpful Jimmy: I never said I didn't wanna kiss you an' all Janis: you didn't though Jimmy: it weren't as simple as all that Jimmy: and alright, I might have overreacted myself Janis: I get it Jimmy: can't we just Jimmy: go back to how it were Janis: when Janis: like, what part Jimmy: before you pissed off and I were a massive 😭 twat about it Janis: I can't promise I won't need to go again Janis: but I'll try to give you more warning Jimmy: like you said, family shit ain't my business or your fault, Jules Janis: got the role back then? Jimmy: do you want it back? Janis: may as well Jimmy: there you go then Jimmy: 🏆 for enthusiasm an' all Janis: what do you want me to say Janis: you're not in a ⚰ I'm not being dramatic about it Jimmy: you saving it for the eulogy or the murder?m Janis: everyone knows murderers love a dramatic monologue so you've got time to escape Janis: enjoy that Jimmy: don't wanna escape 💕 Janis: n'awh Janis: just me, that Jimmy: if you don't wanna 💀💀💀 put the 🔪 down, mate, ain't me holding it Janis: truce, I heard you Jimmy: 🤝 Janis: alright, no funny business Janis: not an animal Jimmy: 🤏🦇🩸 Janis: part-time Janis: and can clearly control my bloodlust Jimmy: 💔 gutted Janis: give me time to prepare my speech, dickhead Janis: got a life, you know Jimmy: I've said it before, them 🐕 ain't taking themselves for a piss Jimmy: be why you were in such a rush to leg it a bit ago, nowt to do with me or your self control Janis: oh yeah, 'cos you were begging me to come in Jimmy: didn't hear nowt from you volunteering to @ my manager about why I were late if I had asked you in Janis: I'll @ him any time you like 😍 Jimmy: you and your 👻 kink Janis: love unavailability Jimmy: it's 'cause you've got no self control, that Janis: I clearly do Janis: you left that bed thoroughly unmolested so Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 😏 Janis: such a twat Jimmy: 😘 Janis: 🙄 Jimmy: What are we doing in a bit then? Janis: what are WE doing or what are 'the couple' doing? Jimmy: up to you, that Janis: well, I know that lot are having a sleepover Janis: we could crash that, be funny Janis: but we can bail and do whatever after Jimmy: alright Jimmy: long as you keep the pjs on, been ages since they've had a proper outing Janis: just for you, like Jimmy: for 💀👑 an' all, she'll be fuming Janis: rude Janis: it is the dresscode Jimmy: 💔 I don't have a lace nightie or owt to chuck on and show her up Jimmy: go shopping for us, tah very much Janis: that's not fair Janis: how am I meant to control myself then, like Jimmy: if you're not up to the challenge, I'll dress down Janis: hate to dull your ✨ Janis: black for preference, no need to tell me Jimmy: 🖤 Janis: Sharon really hasn't left one at yours? Jimmy: if you wanna go looking for it, you crack on Jimmy: don't fancy it myself Janis: don't snoop through my client's houses, tah Janis: got a reputation to uphold Jimmy: Oi, don't client zone me Janis: well, you're the client's owner, if you really wanna 💔 Jimmy: some truce that were, lasted about as long as your self control Janis: what kind of mates don't have top quality #bants Jimmy: 💀👑 and hers Jimmy: so we'll have to calm it down in a bit Janis: then we won't be mates Janis: love's young dream Jimmy: we'll be both, just that #goals, us Janis: duh Janis: doesn't even make me a bit 🤢🤢🤮 Jimmy: good 'cause I ain't got time for a 🤢🤢🤮 break if you set me off Jimmy: and I don't reckon one of the cups'll hold it Janis: 😂 you're so dramatic Janis: make it a venti Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'm actually alright, tah for asking Janis: you're hungover, that's definitely your fault Jimmy: nah, I don't have one 💪🏆🥇 me Janis: I do not believe that even a bit Jimmy: it'll be your top quality nursing that did it Jimmy: or how you reckoned I passed out soon as Janis: don't reckon being able to make a cuppa qualifies me but I'll take it Jimmy: did you? 😍 works as a northern marriage proposal, that Janis: you were 🥶 and I know how you like it Jimmy: IOU ☕🍪🍪 Janis: TWO biscuits? Janis: who needs 💍 Jimmy: I'll chuck you a whole pack for the honeymoon Janis: that's indecent Janis: stop 🙈 Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: 😏 Janis: better Jimmy: nah, but there's a time and a place for 🔊 Janis: 💡 Jimmy: ? Janis: later Janis: is a time and a place for 🔊 Jimmy: goes without saying, owt we can do to 🔇 💀👑 Janis: won't take much Janis: try to avoid being at home, especially when they're all about Janis: but it is worth it to show my face just to see hers sometimes Jimmy: black lace number, I heard Jimmy: I'll bring her a ☕ over, have a think how you wanna ☠ it Janis: laced in lace sounds like a 🔥 summer read Jimmy: hang on, I'll grab a 🖋 loads of napkins about Janis: very fitting Janis: 🎨💭 Jimmy: [sends her a pic of whatever Jackie Collins esque nonsense he's written on a napkin once he has because he's a nerd] Janis: 😂 Janis: the 👵 that finds that will be way too thrilled Jimmy: long as she 💀💀💀 off the premises Jimmy: might not be hungover but I still don't fancy the clean up Janis: 💦💦 Jimmy: STOP Janis: soz Janis: that 🧠 strikes again Jimmy: such a way with emojis, you Janis: don't get too excited on the 🕤 like Jimmy: 📵 'll be your fault when 👻 manager floats in and kicks off Janis: who is working today Jimmy: now who's getting excited? Janis: I'm just making conversation Janis: so rude Jimmy: rude of you to use me to find out who you wouldn't be able to 📞🍑 once there's a phone ban Jimmy: sort yourself and your one track 🧠 out, Judith Janis: you're easily distracted Janis: not my fault Jimmy: piss off am I Jimmy: dead focused Janis: on your 🎨 Janis: maybe Janis: ☕ orders, nah Jimmy: sounds like a review the CG has had Jimmy: 😱😱😱 were you @notallkarens543??!!!!!!!! Janis: my real name Janis: you've been well off Janis: maybe if you paid more attention... 💅 Jimmy: if that's been a wig this whole time and it's stayed on, there's a shit load of lasses who need another Q&A Jimmy: and the talk to the manager hair reveal, obvs Janis: if ONLY your manager would talk to me Janis: all natural, babe 💔 Jimmy: I called your tan were fake, can't do it all Janis: not a casual bit of blackfishing Janis: be counterproductive out in the country really Jimmy: depends, might get a 💀💀💀 spot with a lovely view Jimmy: 🌳🌼🌻🐄🐑💩 Janis: from the top of the 🌳 Janis: beautiful Jimmy: the 📷 will TOTALLY be ones for the feed Jimmy: tah for the 🎨 you were a 🥇 til the end Jimmy: *muse Janis: you could pretend to mourn, bitch Jimmy: I'll be doing my 😭😭😭 at your ⚰ Janis: you can't even give me a little 😥 now? Jimmy: I could do Janis: you lied about not having the range Jimmy: I don't need it with you Jimmy: going for 🏆🥇 not oscars Janis: you got your 🏆 Janis: keep it up for the 🥇 like Jimmy: [sends her a 😟 selfie cos can't 😥 rn obviously but there you go gal] Janis: give the 🐶🥺 a run for their money Janis: don't reckon I like that Jimmy: [writes her an OTT iconic eulogy like maybe you'll like that better] Janis: okay 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: weren't the plan but alright Jimmy: 🔪💕😘 Janis: put the 🥇 in my will Jimmy: don't reckon I can accessorise any more as a 👻 already got the 😎🚬 Jimmy: and the ⛓ Bill's fuming I've gone a bit Dickens but a kink's a kink Janis: what do you want then, 👻boy? Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Janis: a valid one Janis: you said you were going for 🏆🥇 Janis: now you've changed your mind Jimmy: I want nowt but your eternal 💕 DUH Jimmy: there's the 🏆🥇 answer Janis: I'm dead so that'll be easy Janis: what's the real answer then Jimmy: what do I want when you die? Janis: yeah Jimmy: be dead an' all, won't I? Janis: guess so Janis: if we're sticking to script Jimmy: don't you want to? Janis: can work with that Janis: when you're born with another person, get used to sharing Jimmy: weren't what I asked Jimmy: I said what do you want Janis: I just wanna Jimmy: what? Janis: see you again Janis: and it be alright Jimmy: come here then Jimmy: I will be for fucking ages Janis: are you sure Jimmy: unless you wanna give the 👮🚔 a bell and dob my manager in for giving me more hours than he's legally meant to Jimmy: then I'll come to you, like Janis: 'how do I know? well I stalk his schedule soooo' Janis: tell 'em I'm 💀👑 Janis: 2 🐦 1 ☄️ Jimmy: put a silver 🥄 in your mouth, that'll sort the accent and attitude right out Janis: have to swing by to get one Jimmy: is the sleepover at her house or what? Janis: ours, unfortunately Jimmy: middle of nowt so no dickheads can hear them 😱😱😱 I get it Janis: it's probably some weird punishment thing for Gracie but their kinks ain't no interest of mine Jimmy: very Catholic school of 💀👑 we're full ⚫️ here OMG Janis: if you need to put your phone away, you can just say 👋 Jimmy: if you want me to 🤐 you can just say 🖕 Janis: 😏 Janis: I would Jimmy: go on Janis: I don't Jimmy: alright Janis: I'm gonna come in for my lunch Janis: in a bit Jimmy: I'll make you something that's not 🤢 Janis: very thoughtful 💘 Jimmy: just don't wanna have to clean up after you if you 🤮 Jimmy: well selfish, me Janis: alright Janis: you hate me, no need to drive the point home with 🤮 Jimmy: I don't Janis: ambivalent then Janis: even ruder Jimmy: it's all about the tip jar, girl, you've been told before now Janis: @notallkarens543 only gives tips in the form of advice, hun Jimmy: steady on, you ain't tasted nowt yet Janis: filth, you are Jimmy: you wish, hun Janis: 💔 Jimmy: 🎻🎻 I'll crank up Classic FM for you, babes Janis: depends who else is on shift Jimmy: I get it, that's why you're coming in, no need to pretend you're starving Janis: you could've just told me, awkward Janis: now I have to 👀 for myself Jimmy: you ain't told me who you wanna 👀 Jimmy: bit rude to expect me to 🧠📖 Janis: maybe it's who I don't wanna 👀 Janis: not the only one getting shit reviews Jimmy: I know for a fact the manager reckons you're 🥇 Janis: yeah right Janis: he only communicates in knocks and passive-aggressive emails Jimmy: and he said he hopes each email finds you well Jimmy: fuck's sake, what more do you want, bighead? Janis: for him to personally make me a latte, DUH Jimmy: drink it and I'm haunting a different lass Janis: 😏 Janis: I'd sooner die Jimmy: not letting him do them honours either, soz Janis: you jealous? Jimmy: that what you're after? Janis: nah Jimmy: just the latte then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just be stupid if you were Jimmy: and what, I never do owt stupid? Janis: nah Jimmy: I'd sooner die than be that 🤓 mate Janis: good thing you're client-zoned Jimmy: is it? Janis: be rude of you to die before you make my lunch, so yes Jimmy: oi Janis: what? 😇 Jimmy: 1. don't be spreading lies about my image 2. or yours  3. could be 💀💀💀 and still make you a 🥇 lunch Janis: 1. everyone knows you're 🥇 barista boy 2. do you really need me to tweet it too? Jimmy: not my job to tell you how to be 😇 Janis: we don't want to lay it on too thick Janis: the sleepover posts will be A LOT Jimmy: good shout, she will have us trapped once the 🚍 stop Janis: we'll leave before the communal 🤮 sesh Janis: I got you Jimmy: tah Janis: what do you actually want to do after Jimmy: what do you wanna do? Jimmy: I ruined whatever plans you had last night before coming to my rescue Janis: yeah, my social calendar is crazy, as you well know Jimmy: I know you don't sleep 🧛 girl so my pisshead 😴 must've done your head in Janis: I got a bit Janis: you were almost cute Jimmy: shut up Janis: I'm being nice Jimmy: what for? Janis: 'cos you hate it, obvs Jimmy: answer my other question then Janis: what do I wanna do? Janis: I don't care Jimmy: so helpful, you Janis: I just wanna hang out with you, alright Janis: we'll think of something Jimmy: 🐄 tipping Janis: 😂 Janis: okay Jimmy: dunno what else you'd do in the country Janis: plenty of shit Janis: there's no fucker about, like you said Jimmy: go on Janis: we've got a barn, with loads of shit in Janis: or there's plenty of other places I know to explore Jimmy: we'll have to fight the tall one for it, sounds like a prime tik tok location tbh Janis: I don't fancy your chances Janis: let me handle it Jimmy: you 🥊🦘 and I'll 👀🍿 Janis: long as you don't enjoy it too much Jimmy: only your win, babe Jimmy: that's the kind of fake boyfriend I am Janis: very #goals Janis: me, obvs 💪 Jimmy: yeah, very 💪🥇🏆 you Janis: say it like you mean it Jimmy: [a voice memo because when does he ever do any work when he could be flirting with the bae] Janis: more like it Janis: [👍 selfie] Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: idiot Jimmy: take the compliment, dickhead Janis: give us a real one and I'll really try Jimmy: not about to piss off into the middle of nowt with anyone else, don't get nowt realer than that Jimmy: as compliments go Janis: alright Janis: fair enough Janis: won't let you get murdered Jimmy: crack on with that and I'll tell you how fit and mysterious you are Janis: you worked out what I really want Jimmy: nah, I just like saying it Jimmy: selfish, remember Janis: I'm alright with that Jimmy: I might let you get a word in if there's owt you wanna say an' all Janis: maybe Janis: I'll have a 💭 Jimmy: might let you get a 💭 in Janis: bold to say I won't be able to use my 🧠 around you Janis: it's very focused Jimmy: on the one track, I heard Janis: you can get on it Janis: not gonna tie you to it though, like Jimmy: 🚫⛓? Count me out, Janet Janis: fine Janis: bring your cuffs, pig Jimmy: Alright, stop begging Janis: how am I gonna be the one begging Jimmy: please'll be one of the words I let you get in, that'll be how Janis: do you want me to beg or not, you're confusing me Jimmy: depends Janis: on? Jimmy: exactly Jimmy: what are you begging for? Janis: guess we'll see Jimmy: yeah Janis: doubt I'll be begging for whatever food you rustle up, however hard you brag Jimmy: only so much I can do, even going off menu Janis: don't talk it down now Janis: well excited Jimmy: not gonna lie to you, not that dickhead Janis: it's just exaggerating and all lads do it Jimmy: lads who need to Jimmy: don't be #ithappenstoeveryone @ me Janis: 😏🤐 Jimmy: 👍 Janis: I ain't gonna bullshit either Janis: so can't say that about you, like Jimmy: even though I'm client zoned? 💕 Janis: yeah Janis: though not handing out top reviews so you can convince other bitches, obvs Jimmy: you're alright, I'll leave 'em to you Janis: piss off Janis: I'm avoiding the gay rumours resurfacing, that's the only reason we're mates again Jimmy: 🐕🏃 were all I meant, calm yourself Janis: hmm Janis: you not gonna open your own rival business then? Jimmy: that one track 🧠's a bit suspicious Jimmy: and if I bother, you said I could do Janis: you're just a well-known dickhead Janis: yeah, you can, why I was asking Jimmy: this well known dickhead has got a fair bit on so I dunno Jimmy: might give it a go when your other 👻 bf sacks me Janis: yeah, I dunno when you'd sleep Jimmy: whenever I next chuck 🥃 down my throat, probably Jimmy: do my best to avoid giving you a 📞 though Janis: now you have a key, can put yourself to bed Janis: bit rude to only 📞 when there's none left in the bottle Jimmy: I'll bring you what's left of Ian's stash, can't be going to the sleepover in my uniform Jimmy: 💀👑 would lose herself Janis: true Janis: already gonna be the height of hysteria as there are no males in my house Janis: not even the gay brother Jimmy: 💔 Jimmy: is your fit mum at least gonna be there? Janis: I don't know Janis: she's probably going to be out getting over Ian not wanting to date her Jimmy: 🍻 Jimmy: he's nowt if not a bloody catch, him Janis: I know Janis: absolutely devastated Jimmy: 🎻🎻🎻 Janis: alright for you, stuck with the delight that is by 🩸 Jimmy: any time you wanna be stuck with him by 👰💍🤵 Jimmy: have a crack at either of us Janis: tah Janis: won't go for the little one, not that weird Jimmy: he does like you, mate, but a good shout to assume not like that Janis: yeah, and he's cute, but not like that Janis: more the little fucker they make carry the rings Jimmy: he'd do a top speech an' all Janis: get to slag off all the guests Janis: and me if I don't learn fast enough Jimmy: give you another lesson in a bit, we can slag off the sleepover guests all you like then Janis: good idea Janis: need something to do whilst they're planning the fake wedding Jimmy: and something to do with your hands, that 🧠 being how it is Jimmy: I get it Janis: and you've done nothing to make it worse, of course Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: dunno what you've heard Janis: it's what you wanna hear Jimmy: dunno what you mean by that Jimmy: just a poor lad cracking on with his latte 🎨 finding #inspo round and about Janis: 👌 Janis: inspirational Jimmy: you are Janis: smooth 💘 Jimmy: you're not wrong but neither am I Janis: you reckon your manager would let me have a go with the latte 🎨> Janis: ?* Jimmy: if he says no, I'll let you when he ain't about Janis: 🙌 Janis: buzzin' for that Jimmy: what you gonna ✏️? Janis: I know how to do ☘ with Guinness taps Janis: so, gonna apply that knowledge and give it a go Jimmy: fuck 🤓 flirting we've progressed to full paddy 💕😘 Janis: I know, well impressive Janis: perks of grandpa having a pub Janis: 🎱🎯🍻 Jimmy: I were gonna give you a compliment then but you can't be that talented if you've never taken me to have a go Janis: 1. he could long since be dead and the pub gone 2. we've been to a pub together 3. no excuses left now, like Jimmy: 1. 👻🎱🎯🍻 2. that quiz bollocks were together not vs Janis: 1. insensitive prick 2. alright that's what we'll do then, when we're not 🛌 Jimmy: 1. mine are and you don't see me 😭 and won't til I call into work for a fake ⚰ 2. alright then, let my 💅 dry and we'll be off Janis: 1. how old did they make they can't have been that old unless Ian looks GREAT for it, which, duh, believable 2. 🙌 Jimmy: he's outlived his, my mum's kept going til it were a bit more recent Jimmy: 🌧😒 Janis: Northern, I remember Jimmy: the accent's a giveaway and you did hear it a bit ago so Janis: thought it was a speech impediment Jimmy: my genetics are a shit show, I get why you'd reckon that Janis: know the feeling Jimmy: but any other dickhead asks and it were the 🚬🥃 that did it, be the 😎 answer Janis: got it Janis: if anyone asks I think it's well 🤤😍 anyway Jimmy: I'll stick it in the next Q&A Jimmy: 🤞 no dickhead'll know it were me 🗨 Janis: you'll be well too extra, bighead Jimmy: you do it then Janis: Easy Jimmy: weren't offering a 🏆 for the 💌🖋 don't worry Janis: why would I do it then 🥺🥺🥺 Jimmy: for the 💕 baby Janis: sounds like a bad deal Jimmy: UGH fine, you can have a 🏆 if you sound enough like you don't have a 🧠 how the rest of our fans do Janis: I'll get the ice pick Jimmy: hot Janis: it is 💕 after all Jimmy: do it properly and the manager'll let you have a crack at all the latte 🎨 you want Janis: send nudes Janis: understood Jimmy: #whenbrainscansarethenewnudes Janis: don't really fancy @ing the CG public twitter but Janis: just trying to pimp me out since day 1 Jimmy: it ain't my fault you'd rather we were rivals than working together as a 🥇 team Janis: you are such a bullshitter Janis: you wanna compete just as much 🎱🎯🍻 Janis: unless you're chatting threesome in which case, so up for that 🥇 performance Jimmy: different to ☕🎨💰 or 🐕🏃 that Jimmy: but I'll chat threesome when you give me someone #goals enough to 🗨 about Janis: 1. I'd never get a job at CG 2. if you wanna give me a cut, you can use my ads and customer base Janis: very rude you don't think Colin is #goals but alright Jimmy: 1. I gave you the in, get that lobotomy booked and you're well away 2. I get it, you just don't wanna share tips with someone more fit and mysterious than you Janis: 1. also need to book in for the tattoos and piercings and I don't have the time 2. wrong on both counts Jimmy: stop pissing about, you've already got more than the one I've got Janis: yeah but you've got the general 😎 and shit taste in music required Jimmy: you're right, you're too 😤 for customer service, forget I said owt Janis: I told you that before Janis: don't be a dick Jimmy: I was focusing on your looks instead of how much of a dickhead you are til you reminded us Janis: as if I'd wanna spend that much time around you Jimmy: said as much myself ages ago up there, don't wanna play nice, you Janis: there's nice then there's that Jimmy: that's what the 🚫🧠 suggestion were for Jimmy: gotta be thick to work here Janis: or desperate Janis: and I've got other avenues to go down 'fore I need to hand in my CV Jimmy: tah for rubbing it in Janis: you could work at a better cafe Janis: sure they aren't all hubs of 💀👑 Jimmy: if that weren't bollocks I would be Janis: set your sights lower Janis: the greasier the better Janis: if they can't take a decent insta, you know they aren't coming in Jimmy: then my wage'll be lower an' all, not that thick, like Janis: price you pay then Jimmy: weren't whinging, that were you Janis: I've got nothing to whinge about, thanks Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🖕 Jimmy: 💕 Janis: you could always go work with gracie Jimmy: don't need to be giving Sharon or Ian any ideas about how good I am at raising kids Janis: meant in the shop Jimmy: I don't reckon 😎🚬 is what they're after if they've got your sister on staff Jimmy: what's she got 2 jobs for if she's 💀👑 charity case? Janis: not gonna lend her a whole wardrobe Jimmy: what kind of fake BFF Jimmy: you've got half of mine already Janis: likewise, don't reckon a few hoodies is what she's after Jimmy: 💔 Janis: yeah, so sad for her Janis: tragic when you can't afford all the lipgloss you need Jimmy: yeah, had my 😭 about using the last of my lipgloss a bit ago Jimmy: gonna look a right twat at this sleepover now Janis: don't 🙄 Janis: even they've got enough 🧠 between 'em to work out what sharing can mean 💋 Jimmy: chuffed to bits that my makeover's still on then 💅💄💋 Janis: you are disgusting Jimmy: 😏 Janis: make your face get stuck like that Jimmy: as threats go, reckon you could do better Janis: I don't feel like it Jimmy: dry your eyes mate, the lipgloss #drama has been sorted Janis: if you reckon it's gonna be some b-list softcore porn scenario, you can go by yourself Jimmy: you're alright, I don't need french tips that bad Janis: don't you Jimmy: Oi Jimmy: hands of an artist, me Janis: sure Jimmy: nowt you don't already know Janis: how you bend at the wrist? Janis: yeah, I remember Jimmy: I'll get the 🏆 off my dad for that one, save you the arts and crafts Janis: alright, my bad Jimmy: put the ✨ away for a bit Janis: shh Janis: you wound me up Jimmy: like I said always 😤 you Janis: no need to bang on about it Jimmy: don't sound like me at all, that Janis: maybe not in public Jimmy: so what, the payback for doing your head in is to try and make me 😳 in public? Janis: you wish Janis: not me talking about what could happen at this sleepover Jimmy: you wish you'd be able to raise to the challenge, more like Jimmy: loads of 👵 have tried before now Janis: Please Janis: nothing challenging about it Jimmy: go on then Janis: Why should I? Jimmy: I said there's no point bothering, nerves of steel, me Janis: 'course Janis: last time I came in, that was all just acting Janis: totally in control, you Jimmy: I weren't sacked, if I had no self control, I would've been Janis: I didn't say you had none Janis: just not as much as you wanna fake Jimmy: why would I wanna fake that? more #goals to lose it all around you Janis: exactly my point Janis: that wasn't fake Jimmy: never said it were Janis: you definitely did Janis: it was for their benefit, not ours Jimmy: theirs and ours, that'd be more how I remember it Janis: think about it much, do you Jimmy: don't you? Janis: of course I do Jimmy: I've missed you Janis: I missed you Janis: I just like being with you Jimmy: I dunno if I said it last night or what but I like being with you an' all Jimmy: not just 'cause everything's shit and would be shitter if you weren't my fake missus though Janis: I don't want you to be worrying about what you did or didn't say last night Janis: I'll tell you everything I remember if it makes you feel better but like I said, not putting it in my back pocket for later or anything equally fucked Jimmy: I get that you're not like that, I'm just Jimmy: I dunno Janis: what? Jimmy: I'm not used to it Janis: I know I'm a natural nurse but, me neither, like Jimmy: and not to bang on about it 'cause I'd hate to wind you up with that an' all obvs, but I still don't wanna fuck this up Janis: yeah Janis: I don't want to either Janis: if you want me to get wasted and tell you things I won't remember in the morning then I can Jimmy: you already did do Jimmy: I were worried you were gonna fuck up your other ankle how you were going when I picked you up from that party Janis: see, we're even then Janis: I made an idiot out of myself first Jimmy: you didn't Jimmy: all that bollocks were mutual, us trying to take the piss out of each other Janis: I was angry Janis: as per Janis: I didn't want it to be over Jimmy: It's alright, I were 😭 as per Jimmy: and it's not over Janis: it's not Jimmy: we're gonna need a drink tonight but no need for either of us to be the ones acting like bellends with that lot about Janis: not one I'm gonna insist on competiting in Janis: I wanna remember, being with you, anyway, they don't need to register Jimmy: no competition for owt between you and them Janis: I'll fight for your attention if I have to but I can't promise I'll be happy about it Jimmy: you don't have to Janis: good Janis: you've got mine Jimmy: if you wanna fight any of my customers, manager or co-workers for the rest of what I can't give you, I won't stop you Jimmy: this shift is doing my head in Janis: can you take 10 when I come for lunch? Jimmy: take more than a 👻🥊 to stop me Janis: good Janis: I'll cheer you up Jimmy: I won't 🌧 on you unless you want me to, Jules Jimmy: be more than a bit rude when you're looking like that Janis: see how the mood takes you Janis: not saying you can do what you like to me but Jimmy: I'll say it first then, you can do what you like to me Janis: You know it's not all I care about actually, don't you Jimmy: I were just fuming when I said that Janis: I know but Janis: as long as you do too Jimmy: not as thick I look 🤞 Jimmy: last night, that's not nowt to me, and it weren't the first time you've bothered either Janis: I like you an' all Janis: as well as wanting you, both can be true, yeah Jimmy: why not? I am that likeable and that fit and mysterious Janis: when you put it like that Janis: makes me wanna change my mind but Jimmy: gutted it's only got the one track to go down Janis: I reckon I can handle it Jimmy: me an' all Janis: glad to hear it Janis: be awkward if not, on my way now Jimmy: can't have that Jimmy: you said you didn't want it to be awkward Janis: you too Jimmy: I'd have it be awkward if that were the only way I were gonna see you but Janis: that's why it was Janis: before Jimmy: I were a massive dickhead before, I'll try and leave it out Jimmy: for a bit Janis: makes two of us Janis: anyway, rude when you know that's my type Jimmy: you'll be here in a bit, that's as long as I said Jimmy: be alright Janis: thank god Jimmy: nowt to do with him, it's my 🥇💡 Janis: you can't be jealous of god Jimmy: he ain't real it'd be like having a go at one of our kid's imaginary mates Jimmy: but I have done before now 'cause they can be right dickheads at bedtime Janis: 😏 Janis: sounds like you need to be nicer to them, tbh Jimmy: any time you wanna have a go, crack on Jimmy: you know where they live Janis: not good with kids either Janis: imaginary ones included Jimmy: he likes you, I said Janis: he's alright Janis: less bratty than the kids I know, that's for sure Jimmy: I could get their mums to piss off an' all, sort 'em out for you Jimmy: bit of a talent Janis: be useful Janis: my oldest sister, she's bossy as fuck Jimmy: that'll be the fit one, always are Janis: yeah, so everyone says Jimmy: might've been ages ago but now everyone says you're the fit one, she'll have to take 🥈 Janis: only 'cos she really shit the bed on that one but tah Jimmy: sounds like she'll live with being the bossy one Janis: 'cos I'll die if I ain't the fit one 🙄 Jimmy: I'll dump you if you're not the fit one, more like Janis: good luck getting her to fake date you she's actual married and a bit busy with it, like Jimmy: challenge would be accepted but you've painted her as more of a nightmare than you Janis: shut up Jimmy: 🤐 Janis: you aren't even funny, you know Jimmy: weren't what you reckoned in computer science, don't be lying 'cause you're mardy about my chances with your fit sister Janis: I said 🤡 Janis: doesn't necessarily mean funny Jimmy: but it did Janis: maybe you were funny then Jimmy: Oi, I ain't lost nowt Janis: just your hair and your will to live 👴 Jimmy: when we've been married for a bit, might do Jimmy: and my 💪 Janis: good job I carry you and this relationship then Jimmy: who carries who? Jimmy: nearly done my back in loads of times, tah very much Janis: that's only because you love it Jimmy: and you fell off an assault course Janis: which was your fault, if we wanna go into that again Jimmy: which is why I did my 🥇 nursing stint, if you wanna cast your 🧠 back, Jenna Janis: I know you like it Jimmy: I've had worse jobs Janis: 👍 Jimmy: don't mean you can get into the habit of hurting yourself, never live it down, a top athlete like you Janis: you think I'm that desperate for attention Jimmy: or that desperate to please me Jimmy: nah on either count Janis: don't have to try that hard, on either count Jimmy: I dunno if that's a piss take or not, I've made that many lattes Janis: Baby Janis: come out and I'll be there before you've lit up Jimmy: alright Janis: [arrive] Jimmy: [we hugging because couldn't do that earlier] Janis: [just the longest hug ever] Jimmy: [not breaking the hug but pulling her hair like he's gotta check it's not a wig and covering a karen hairstyle because the emotions are so much rn we need bants always] Janis: [just like oi but we're 😏 not 😒] Jimmy: ['well chuffed it's your real hair' just playing with it in a saucy way to make our point and no other reason obvs] Janis: [going to say something casual like 'mhmm' but does not sound at all casual] Jimmy: [just giving her a look like do you wanna try that again as if it's all just bants still but actually because so #into it we know] Janis: [grumpy face like it is too but not looking away from him 'cos tension Jimmy: [pouty lip thing because he's wanted to kiss her forever and that's the excuse he doesn't need but will take] Janis: [the literal most intense kiss how you don't actually die though] Jimmy: [we're all dying lads it's okay] Janis: [enjoy your moment though 'cos long time coming when you're this extra] Jimmy: [I have no idea how long it's actually been but it feels like ages tbh so take every second of these 10 minutes to be as extra as you can] Janis: [and not running away so progress] Jimmy: [proud of you both for not freaking out and sorting this out to a better level than it's been for ages] Janis: [get that lunch, live your best lives] Jimmy: [impress the bae by making something tailored to her that she'll love] Janis: [straight vibing] Janis: should I get loads of snacks for tonight Jimmy: to piss off 💀👑 or to cheer me up? Janis: you aren't cheered up? Jimmy: you asked that while I'm making you something to eat, which means you reckon you won't like it Janis: no it don't Janis: I was thinking to piss off 💀👑 Jimmy: if we get the rest of 'em to eat some she'll be fuming Jimmy: not 💀#2 obvs Jimmy: be impossible that Janis: challenge accepted then Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just need to tell her I know how to get Mia to love her Janis: easy Jimmy: won't take you no time then Janis: what do you want then Janis: as you're so 😭 Jimmy: to eat? Janis: yes Janis: other plans still need to be worked out but I'll let you clock out of this job before we get to that stuff Jimmy: not a teenage girl who counts calories, get whatever you reckon'll piss her off the most Janis: what do you like though, dickhead Jimmy: what kind of question's that? Jimmy: I'm northern, I don't like nowt Janis: you're fussy, is what I'm hearing Jimmy: *funny Jimmy: and I don't care, that's literally the opposite, dickhead Janis: *chronically unhelpful Jimmy: what are you getting so bothered about? Jimmy: I won't be 😭💔🎻 if there's no food, it's not the reason I'm going Janis: I just wanna make sure you don't have a horrible time Janis: even if the main point is they do Jimmy: getting to spend longer than 10 minutes with you will do that Jimmy: even if we'll still have dickheads 👀🍿 us there as well as here Janis: had larger if not quite as attentive audiences so Janis: I don't care Jimmy: 🤏 Janis: obviously, be better to be alone but Jimmy: [brings her this food and beverage like oh hey do you wanna finish that sentence because I'm all up in your grill as much as I'm allowed to be lol] Janis: [just smiling half at the food moment, half at proximity like oh hey] Jimmy: [stealing something off that plate before she's had a chance to photograph the excellence like a cheeky bitch, this is why she wants to know what snacks you want you fat bastard] Janis: I get it now Janis: you know that's not how tips work, yeah? Jimmy: is this where you teach me maths? Jimmy: I'm alright, tah Janis: could do Janis: not as good as 💀👑 I'm sure Jimmy: you'll live Janis: will I though? Janis: my dad ain't a lawyer Jimmy: nah, you're right, you're fucked Jimmy: do you wanna 💀💀💀 in front of 'em an' all? Janis: what sort of question is that? Jimmy: you'd say a valid one Jimmy: if it were you who'd asked Janis: and you'd say something about my 🧠 if I had Jimmy: I don't reckon I can say owt about your 🧠 right now when mine's on the same track Jimmy: but I'll have a go if you're missing the #bants Janis: fun, isn't it? Jimmy: than being a mopey git but less fun than acting on each 💭 would be Janis: we can though Janis: even if it takes a while Jimmy: I know, I just Janis: do you want to be distracted right now or not Janis: because I can go until you're ready to be Jimmy: I wanna go with you Janis: I know you do Janis: but can you, realistically Jimmy: not without a 🥇 reason Jimmy: as voted by my manager Janis: 🤔 Janis: can pretend to be your dying nan but might put you off so Janis: bit counterproductive Jimmy: [IRL lol excuse him everyone] Janis: [😍] Janis: if you're #intoit just lemme know now Jimmy: just don't tell your fit nan that's a kink unlocked, she'll think I'm aiming for her head instead of the window with my stones Jimmy: be a bit awkward next time I fancy a cuppa round there Janis: be a more ⛓ kink if it was your own but fine Janis: keep you well out of her way from now on Janis: done it to yourself with that 🚍 ride Jimmy: if you're gonna call me vanilla, I'll chuck myself in front of that 🚍 instead of getting on Janis: babe Jimmy: proper upset me that has Jimmy: 💔💔💔 Janis: you know I like how you taste Jimmy: you're so Janis: you Jimmy: you Janis: [looks over and shakes head like no you] Jimmy: [gives her a LOOK like you though] Janis: [biting lip but not to be saucy just 'cos genuinely that much of a struggle rn] Jimmy: [when you've gotta just get busy with something because likewise dying] Janis: must be how she does it Jimmy: ? Janis: 💀👑 Janis: being rich enough to sleep with as many people as there are hours in the day Jimmy: what I don't get is why the lads do it Janis: boost their average, practice, warmer than their hand Janis: take your pick, like Jimmy: doubt she is, or much by way of practice Jimmy: and you can lie about your numbers if you're that bothered Janis: nah, she'd be well good for stamina, take you so long to get off it'll basically feel like a chore by the end Janis: you can, but anyone that actually goes there will know you're lying, right Jimmy: I'll crack onto her in a bit then, stop you going on about how crap mine is Janis: no Jimmy: know how to take a hint, me Janis: do you fuck Jimmy: bit rude Janis: there's a reason I ain't subtle Jimmy: if I'm supposed to be fuming about that, tell me so I can fake it for you Janis: don't need you to fake nothing for me Jimmy: just get a bit more stamina from somewhere, yeah? Janis: if you need me to tell you how much of a joke that is, I should probably go somewhere more private Jimmy: I don't need you to tell me nowt Janis: I'll stay put then Jimmy: [comes over to clean up like oh hey again it's me, excuse me while I 'accidentally' touch you as much as possible while doing it LOL] Janis: [doing the thing where you move to be out of the way but 'accidentally' end up more in the way like whoops] Jimmy: [and the eye contact is everything because the manager can't tell you off for that, boy] Janis: [just silently dying here] Jimmy: [hard same for him, I hope you don't have to do hours and hours more of making lattes Jimothy cos you will die] Janis: are your brother and sister out today Jimmy: they'll be back by the time I'm done here Janis: alright Janis: my grandparents won't be, we could stop there first Jimmy: do me a favour and we won't have to bother stopping at mine at all Janis: go on? Jimmy: you've got a 🔑 raid Ian's stash, get some clothes and whatever else you reckon we'll need in a bit Janis: I can do that Jimmy: just be the 🐕 there, you can stay there for a bit if you want Jimmy: I know tonight's gonna do your head in Janis: thanks Janis: you're gonna make it fun Jimmy: I'll give it a 🥇 go Janis: you always do Jimmy: nah, but I will do Janis: not just 'cos the competition is non-existent with that lot Jimmy: not 'cause of them, I want to 'cause of you Janis: I want that too Janis: you Jimmy: [😍 at her because what are words when there's so much you wanna say] Janis: [you pack up your things and go now gal] Jimmy: [try not to watch her go too dramatically please] Janis: [waving like a nerd when you outside] Jimmy: [signs something at her but I've forgotten what he's taught her at this point so who knows what kind of insult that would likely be haha] Janis: gonna ask my best mate for those 🥇 6 year old insults when I next see him Jimmy: just don't ask him what that meant Janis: get you in trouble Janis: you're very predictable Jimmy: piss off am I Janis: okay, then I just know you SO well babes 💖 Jimmy: that'll do Jimmy: keep it #goals hun Janis: speaking of Janis: what do you want for PJs 'cos I bet you don't have any Jimmy: surprise us all Janis: well, gonna protect your modesty and just protect you from them in general Jimmy: you dunno me that well if you reckon I've got owt modest going for me Jimmy: but tah for the 💪 Janis: maybe I'm doing it for me Janis: don't need you slagging it up for anyone else Jimmy: not gonna upstage you, babe Jimmy: I'm saving that for our 👰💍🤵 Janis: oi Janis: x2 Janis: calling me a slag now and outshining me later Jimmy: 😏 Janis: cheek, honestly Jimmy: we could bring the 🐕 let her be a massive slag and outshine us both Janis: I mean, I can't lick my genitals so Janis: she's got me beat there Jimmy: 💔 that rumour were total bollocks Janis: 😂 fuck off Jimmy: meant to be SUCH an athlete, you Jimmy: 🚫🤸🏽 Janis: I'm not a circus freak Jimmy: not in a hot way any road Janis: you're such a prick Janis: just 'cos you're 🤡 don't mean I'm joining Jimmy: so you don't wanna see me 🤹☕? Janis: you wanna get fired that bad, I know Jimmy: pissed right on my tik tok career you have Janis: you just have to pull faces/your top up Janis: it's not hard Jimmy: POV your 👻 boyfriend Janis: what every girl wants Jimmy: DUH Janis: #blessed Jimmy: that'll be why my ex is in my inbox Janis: yeah, you'd messaged her Jimmy: what? Janis: you should read it back Janis: I don't know what you said exactly but you said you'd messaged her last night Jimmy: you could've stopped us Jimmy: some 🧠📖 you are Janis: oh yeah, definitely knew you were that basic bitch stereotype Jimmy: fuck's sake Janis: thought she turned you down anyway Jimmy: dunno I'm not gonna open it, am I? Janis: come on Janis: face up to your shame Jimmy: you dunno what she's like Janis: what's the worst that can happen Janis: unless you bought her a plane ticket for her and her baby Jimmy: funny Janis: I'm serious Janis: be worse the more you worry about it Janis: it can't be that bad Jimmy: 😒 Janis: Alright Janis: I'll read it for you later then Jimmy: yeah, I'm gonna let that happen Jimmy: fit AND mysterious is the brand Janis: 🙄 well you messaged me and all, I'm just the dickhead that turned up Jimmy: I remember that Janis: some of Jimmy: enough of, you said Janis: yeah Jimmy: if I were an ungrateful dickhead then, I can do grateful for you now Janis: you weren't Janis: you were Janis: fine Jimmy: what does that mean? Janis: I don't need you to be grateful Janis: it's alright, I meant it Jimmy: okay Janis: whatever you said to her, sure she's gotten drunk dials before now Jimmy: she's done it to me Jimmy: which is why I'm 😒 and 🙄 Janis: you don't wanna be that bitch to that bitch Janis: I get it Jimmy: such a way with words, you Janis: you know what I mean Janis: you've invited her back in, you reckon Jimmy: she'll reckon Jimmy: even if I slagged her off til the word limit Jimmy: or it weren't about her at all Janis: unlucky, then Jimmy: 🎻🎻 Janis: something like that Jimmy: or 🌧🌧 Janis: I'm inside so Janis: go ahead Jimmy: if you can't benefit from fitting your hair under a 👑👒🎩🎓🧢 for a bit, I don't see the point Janis: gonna cheer up then? Jimmy: don't sound like me, that Jimmy: but alright Janis: 👌 Jimmy: not very in the spirit of what you just said Janis: I don't need cheering up Jimmy: what do you need then? Janis: nothing Jimmy: come on Janis: what? Jimmy: talk to me Janis: about what clothes I'm packing or Jimmy: 🤞👗👠 for me Janis: if you have a secret crossdressing wardrobe, lmk Jimmy: maybe in our future fake mansion, my dear Janis: then I reckon you're shit out of luck Janis: your sister don't seem the sort Jimmy: she's not Janis: not that you'd fit anyway Jimmy: you slagging me off or her there? Janis: you, obvs Jimmy: 💀💀💀 wish ain't that strong, I get it Janis: you said you'd do it Janis: basically a promise Jimmy: I'll do whatever you want, not my fault there's nowt you do, you said Janis: If you were here, answer'd be different Jimmy: if I were there I wouldn't have asked the question Jimmy: don't have your way with words but I don't always need to Janis: you manage to get your point across still Jimmy: you don't always need to be a 🥇🧠📖 Jimmy: not subtle either, me Janis: I'm glad Janis: subtle is overrated Jimmy: Oi, put some 🎨 shit in for us, I'll paint you Janis: bet they all love titanic Janis: 💡 Jimmy: rich girls 💕🚢 Jimmy: and chucking the lower classes out of their 👀 Janis: bringing up the fit ones for 🎨 and 💦💦 Janis: still would let you drown soz xoxo Jimmy: I'd drown myself if the alternative is fucking any of that lot Janis: hard same Janis: much to Mia's 🎻💔 Jimmy: least I didn't slide into her DMs an' all Janis: you have checked Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: she'd have let every dickhead know by now if I had done Janis: oh yeah, true Janis: I'd have got that screenshot by now Jimmy: and you wouldn't be 🗨 to me Janis: if you drunkenly tried to fuck one of them? Janis: staging your intervention more like Jimmy: that weren't the plan with my ex either Janis: right Janis: rekindling that deeper connection you had then Jimmy: it was just Jimmy: 💔😭🎻 Janis: you don't need to tell me Jimmy: I'm not like that, alright Janis: like what Jimmy: that dickhead Jimmy: I thought this were over, I wanted to know how she did it Jimmy: just stopped giving a shit like that Janis: is that why you don't want to read her reply? Jimmy: I don't wanna read it 'cause whatever bollocks she said ain't gonna be no help to me Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: I can't do it, move on like it's nowt how every other dickhead does Jimmy: probably asked Ian, an' all, that'll be why he chucked us out Janis: oh, yeah, that probably did it Janis: sorry Jimmy: don't be, he ain't Janis: but it was my fault Jimmy: bollocks are you taking the blame like it weren't me an' all Jimmy: and I'm not bringing that shit up again to make you feel bad, I'm just trying to explain what I were doing 🗨 to her Janis: if I'd just stayed on the train Janis: not ruined it Jimmy: you haven't ruined nowt, we sorted it Janis: yeah Janis: but you can talk to your ex or anyone how you like Janis: without explaining it to me Janis: you know Jimmy: I don't wanna talk to anyone else, I told you, I like talking to you Janis: I just wanna talk to you too Jimmy: that's alright then Janis: it is? Jimmy: isn't it? Janis: I haven't done this before Jimmy: I'll teach you all the signs you need to be mute, it's fine Janis: 😏 Jimmy: and if you wanna talk to the 🐕 I won't tweet about what a massive cheating slag you are Jimmy: unless it's that one dickhead Janis: you know his name don't pretend Jimmy: oh please, I don't even know yours, babe Janis: 😱 = Olivier rn Jimmy: if he's at my 🏠 that'll be Twix's face an' all Janis: awh, dog date Jimmy: she's not having puppies with that 🐀 Janis: he couldn't reach Janis: let him hump her leg, loosen up Jimmy: just 'cause you're on one and SUCH a romantic Janis: knew you cared Janis: well protective, you Jimmy: piss off Jimmy: I'd be me who'd be stuck with 'em when they're too ugly to sell Janis: say they're some bullshit breed and all the gals will have one Jimmy: 💰💰💰 Jimmy: speaking of, have a crack at Ian's online banking before you piss off, tah very much Janis: you running away now? Jimmy: depends how you get on Janis: bit of an elaborate way to get your own back on me but Janis: respect it Jimmy: Am I meeting you at your nan's in a bit or what? Bill wants me on that ladder Janis: read that as meeting my nan, and no Janis: but yes to what you and Bill actually said Jimmy: I'll meet her on my own, tah, be a bit awkward if you're there an' all Janis: awkward when she smack you down, yeah Jimmy: that's the story we'll be giving you and your granddad Janis: you're disgusting and I hate you Jimmy: if nowt else I've killed the mood, you'll live Janis: I'm alone, I can be in whatever mood I like Janis: you're the one who needs to be 😇 Jimmy: they don't pay enough to make me be 😇 Janis: alright Janis: at least half paying attention Jimmy: challenge accepted Janis: 👻 manager will be buzzing Jimmy: he's too 💔 you've gone Jimmy: it's well #relatable Janis: wish he was the cute one Jimmy: bet he does an' all Janis: awh, Terry 😔 Jimmy: I wish he were the one that were gone Jimmy: could have you back then Janis: then wish every other customer would fuck off Jimmy: 🤞 goes without saying Janis: start a little fire? Jimmy: 🚬 Janis: if you share Jimmy: I don't reckon Alan fancies one but I'll ask Janis: Alan is definitely tee-total Janis: veggie, not vegan Jimmy: his missus'll be vegan and disappointed in him, that's what my 💰's on Janis: just LOVES milkly milky coffees Janis: can't quit Jimmy: that 🥛👨🏼 Jimmy: 😍😍😍 Janis: yeah, wish he'd leave Janis: so blatant Jimmy: just a lad with no fake girlfriend in sight Janis: you asked me to leave Jimmy: but Janis: but make time go faster Jimmy: it only does that bollocks when you don't want it to Janis: yeah Janis: 🥺 Jimmy: stop it, I'll 😭 Janis: no no Janis: got none left Jimmy: weird challenge but alright Janis: you're meant to be 😄 Jimmy: not if you're 🥺 Janis: just pretend it's cute pouting Jimmy: it's your face doing it Janis: is that an insult or a compliment Jimmy: it's that I don't have to pretend you look cute Janis: 😶 Jimmy: *😍 Janis: don't make me 😳 more dickhead Jimmy: alright yeah, you're still alone, that is a bit of a waste Janis: and it's rude Jimmy: I'll leave it out Janis: no Janis: I like it Janis: but I feel like a twat Jimmy: why? Janis: you make me so Janis: unsubtle Jimmy: we already said that weren't a bad thing Janis: it doesn't feel it when it's just us Jimmy: we don't have to go to this bollocks sleepover, you know Janis: I know Janis: but it would be good to do Janis: what do you think? Jimmy: I reckon we can get 💀👑 off the scale easy enough, it's always a piece of piss Jimmy: but there'll be loads more chances to do that without having to go to your house in the middle of nowt, if you don't want to Janis: let's do it Jimmy: 👍 Janis: just weird Janis: with how we've fake acted Janis: and how we actually wanna Jimmy: yeah, but that bollocks has been doing our head in since day 1 Jimmy: nowt we can't handle Janis: 'course Jimmy: I meant what I said, we can bring the 🐕 to get the #s off us Janis: you have no idea how many 🐈s are about Jimmy: don't matter if they 💀💀💀 her, we'll find you another client Janis: you don't think we're going to have enough distractions as is? Jimmy: UGH fine Jimmy: she'll be 💔 when you leave though Janis: yeah, you'll have to do the hard work yourself, boy Janis: I've given her loads of attention Jimmy: I'm not 😱😱 of it, girl Jimmy: but well done for reading the rest of the room, Gracie excluded Janis: just saying, when you want a night off Janis: I'll give you that as well Jimmy: from them or you? Janis: whichever you want Jimmy: you're meant to say just from them if you're not 😱😱 of putting the work in either Janis: sounds like you want both when you bring it up Jimmy: it sounds like you want me to want both when you say bollocks like that Janis: alright, touche Janis: I meant from them, not me Jimmy: alright Janis: yeah? Janis: good Jimmy: 👍 Janis: 🤔 Jimmy: what? Janis: is Nigel 👀 over your shoulder? Jimmy: do you want his attention? I can @ him, hang on Janis: duh Janis: bet he's a well good conversationalist Jimmy: that bollocking I had off him were 🔥🔥🔥 Janis: hot Janis: foreplay sorted Jimmy: from 🥶 to 🥵 Jimmy: how goals Janis: better not be calling me frgit Jimmy: nah, LITERALLY referring to my near 💀💀💀 experience, like Jimmy: #noteverythingisaboutyoubabes Janis: whoops Janis: awkward Jimmy: are you gonna tell me what you were 💭 or what? Janis: when? Jimmy: when you 🤔 @ me Janis: was thinking about Nigel Janis: or if you were actually alright, but I weren't going to ask again Jimmy: I'm 💔 that you keep banging on about Steve Janis: imagine if he was actually fit Jimmy: fuck that I need the tips Janis: I am purely in it for the tips Jimmy: 🎻 you're not fake dating Pete Janis: ??? whomst Jimmy: [a picture of him that Jimothy has awkwardly made him pose for] Jimmy: 🎸🤩 Janis: damn Janis: give me a good reference, tah Jimmy: I'll tell him ☕🍪🍪 Jimmy: see what he reckons Janis: yeah, vital info Janis: if he don't take it 2 sugars he'll have to learn how to Jimmy: hang on Jimmy: he DON'T take sugar 😱 Janis: 😱😱😱 Janis: is he diabetic or Janis: his teeth must be 😁 😍😍😍 Jimmy: he's scared of needles so 🤞 not Janis: he's adorable Jimmy: what kind of rock god Jimmy: 💰 on his mum or dad being a dentist Janis: 🤞 Janis: right, off you go then Janis: got a new schedule to memorize Jimmy: you never did this one, good luck, mate Janis: I will for Pete Jimmy: #savage Jimmy: in a bit then Janis: how long actually Jimmy: [a time which hopefully isn't that much longer now because he did go in early] Janis: 👏👏👏 Jimmy: is the 🐕 still 😱😱😱 like she were earlier? Janis: she's chilled out Janis: not fully, not a liar Jimmy: I'll 🗨 my sister to keep an eye on it Janis: she's had another 💩 break since her walk, so she'll be good for a while when I leave in a sec Jimmy: and they'll be back in a bit Janis: 👍 Janis: then I'll see you at my grandparents Jimmy: I'll have a 🌹 between my rotten 🦷🦷 Bill insists Jimmy: Dunno how I'm gonna say my lines Janis: you'll work out how to get a word in Janis: I'll allow it Jimmy: #spitorswallow Jimmy: what could be more romantic? Jimmy: 🌹🩸😘 Janis: why you gotta give me that visual Jimmy: you know why Janis: but Janis: 🧛 Jimmy: I remember, it just feels like fucking ages Janis: I don't even know how long it actually has been but Janis: I said I miss you Janis: understatement Jimmy: hang on 🥇💡 Janis: ? Jimmy: your new boyfriend's gonna finish up here for me Janis: serious? Janis: that's why I have to 💘 Jimmy: don't make me have to smack him before I've covered for him next week, weren't the plan Janis: I'm not in his DMs yet, don't worry Jimmy: tah Janis: you have to be nice to him, so I 🤐 Jimmy: I'm leaving now, be nice to me Janis: I will be Janis: I couldn't be more ready to see you Jimmy: how long do we have until your fit nan comes back? Janis: she works late all the time Janis: we should have an hour or so easy Jimmy: then that pisstake of a 🚍 Janis: exactly Janis: might be a few people coming home but still Jimmy: I'll take a few dickheads over every 👀 going past the CG Janis: whoever wants can 👀 as long as they keep it shut, like Jimmy: Oi, I still have to get there Jimmy: don't 💀💀💀 me before I can Janis: okay Janis: keep it all in my 🧠 Jimmy: if I had better words for how much I've missed you, you could have them Janis: your words are good Janis: and lack of is okay too Janis: you'll show me Jimmy: I have to, I need you to know Janis: I want to know Janis: that you missed me too, just as much Jimmy: I'll make sure you do Janis: Jimmy Jimmy: ? Janis: I wanna keep talking to you Janis: don't let me fuck it up again, yeah Jimmy: we'll not fuck it up together, alright? Jimmy: you stop me from being a twat and I'll stop you Janis: it's a deal Jimmy: 🖋🩸 Janis: when you get here Jimmy: can you 👀 me from the closest we're getting to a balcony yet or what? Janis: hold on Janis: weren't prepared to look out wistfully Jimmy: might be a bit far, can't 🏃 and 🚬 Janis: it's like you want me to joke about your stamina Jimmy: do it now while you still can then Janis: love it when you threaten me with a good time, like Jimmy: can't promise nowt but 💅💄 in a bit so I reckon it's the least I can do to not make you wanna 🔪 yourself before we get there Janis: at least we can make all of them wanna 🔪 themselves with how #goals we are Jimmy: and 💀👑 'cause we're much better fake mates to have an' all Janis: of course Janis: even with the gross amounts of PDA they'll have to suffer Janis: lord knows what she makes 'em 👀👂 Jimmy: if we don't split 'em apart soon she'll be getting them involved next Janis: step 1 to a cult is 'free love' everyone knows Jimmy: don't drink nowt I don't give you tonight, like Janis: 👍 I took the best I could find but only wanna get that level 🥴 fucked up Jimmy: be alright, I'll protect you for once Janis: you've protected me loads Jimmy: I'm not asking for a list, I know I'm such a 🥇🏆💪 lad Janis: not just carrying me though Jimmy: right Janis: you're not a total dickhead Janis: shocking I know, but sincerely Jimmy: just a massive one, I know Jimmy: and that's your type anyway Janis: yeah Janis: but the good kind Janis: not 💀👑 type Janis: like that computer project when she was such a prick Janis: and you were decent Jimmy: I'll take that compliment Janis: have it Jimmy: I've been there, knobheads 🗨 bollocks about my family Jimmy: ones who know me and who don't Jimmy: she were out of order and she's only been more of a prick since Jimmy: no need to even like you to hate her Janis: she is that much of a delight Janis: not to be 'you get it' about it but yeah Jimmy: I don't want a night off til she takes one Janis: then I'm gonna do the most to make that happen Jimmy: I could just 💀💀💀 her tonight for you Janis: not how you're gonna 💀💀💀 me Jimmy: however you want, but if that's what you want I'll struggle a bit Janis: never ever Janis: not enough bleach to scrub you with/my eyes/my 🧠 Jimmy: you'd have to just fully dissolve me 💀🦷🦴🦷🦴 Janis: skeleton fake boyfriend, you say? Janis: hmm Jimmy: sounds like a 👻's piss poor sidekick Jimmy: don't fancy it Janis: 🥇 or nothing forever tbh Jimmy: right answer, that Janis: thank you, I'd take a bow but don't wanna go falling out my balcony Jimmy: Oi, don't be overshadowing my dramatic speech Jimmy: act 2, scene 2 Janis: if you'd hurry up and get here to start it, I wouldn't be stood here like a div waiting for you Janis: probably curtain twitchers thinking I'm robbing the place or something Jimmy: [appears and does recite it like a massive nerd obviously] Janis: [like when you don't wanna be impressed but you are 'cos boy, how and when, pop off, just loling and dramatically calling him up the ladder with the random bits of script she remembers] Jimmy: [just a casual bit of basically word perfect shakespeare as he's climbing up nbd, oh Jimothy ILY and kissing her when he's barely at the top, lowkey gonna fall off this ladder cos there's no chill] Janis: [telling him he's such a nerd between kisses but there's zero fronting when you want him this bad, get inside kids, hope the neighbours are watching like what in the world lol] Jimmy: [we know anything he tries to say in response isn't coming out as words so I'm impressed you can gal] Janis: [not gonna let you be cockblocked now though 'cos later with be a trial so have at it, live your best lives] Jimmy: [ngl won't let you be cockblocked later either because fuck the flatwhites and live your best lives always] Janis: [true tea but glad you are actually alone for once for this proper reunion 'cos gonna be so loud] Jimmy: [do need some actual privacy sometimes, exhibitionists though they are and probably will be on the longest bus ride ever] Janis: [just be finished before Tess is home or awkwarrrrrrrrd] Jimmy: [the dog(s) will warn you that she's coming back I'm sure] Janis: [don't wanna have that awkward 'just me' chat whilst he runs away, but am gonna make that happen for my own lols] Jimmy: [we gotta because yeah it's amusing, I hope you fitted a shower in too kids because gotta show up looking #goals so mia is devastated] Janis: [a moment too, you had enough time so I insist] Jimmy: [yeah it's always a #mood and you would] Janis: [now go get this bus from hell hohaha] Jimmy: [I'm cackling because all the lovebites you two would have once again, look away Tess and bus peeps] Janis: [just like nan don't you say anything, not got time for this beef lol] Jimmy: [Tess just like 👀] Janis: [lmao running from this house like cya never gal just sneaking into your spare room as I please] Jimmy: [we should say this bus is lowkey really full at least at first for the lols] Janis: [it is clearly clocking off time so real, even if they get off before your house in the middle of nowhere] Jimmy: [shameless excuse to only have one seat that we're all here for] Janis: [so #intoit] Jimmy: [just touching every lovebite of hers that he can can without it being indecent like okay all that really just happened, thank god] Janis: [turning her head as much as she can in that position to smile at him and touch a lovebite on him herself] Jimmy: [kissing her cos she cute af] Janis: [turning her whole self fully so she's still in his lap but facing him so they can have a makeout moment] Jimmy: [love that for you] Janis: [at least whoever is sat next to you can be offended enough you can't keep going] Jimmy: [someone sick of their office job 9-5 we 👀 you gutted that you're not a teen in love] Janis: [soz you're old and bitter we aren't soz though] Jimmy: [good excuse to teach her some more shady sign language though thanks] Janis: [need that] Jimmy: [you can use it when the gals are doing your head in later] Janis: [it's a good code for get me out of here etc whenever y'all need it] Jimmy: [yeah cos as much as I LOVE when you write on her jimothy it would be hard to decode depending what you say so you can't always and you could literally do this from across a room if you need to] Janis: [all the codes honey, lord knows you need it when these gals are testing you] Jimmy: [mhmmm] Janis: [drawing a thumbs up and question mark on him now 'cos why not honey] Jimmy: [when you can't help smiling because she did your thing to you and also you actually are happy rn so well done for answering a question babe] Janis: [gotta look away and grin because he's so cute] Jimmy: [doing their feelsy lean thing as a way of asking her if she's alright too even though you know the answer really you just wanna] Janis: [nudging him back like stop killing me] Jimmy: [just playing with her hair in a soft way like I dunno what you could possibly mean 😇 but we all know enough time has not passed yet since he would have been doing it not in a soft way when they were hooking up] Janis: [lil grumpy face like boy and mouthing 'don't start' 'cos we know you don't need an excuse to be extra rn] Jimmy: [running his thumb over her pouty little bottom lip because we love annoying the bae and the annoying person next to us] Janis: [taking that thumb into your mouth like you aren't in public 'cos fuck everyone on this bus lmao] Jimmy: [regrets he has a few, he doesn't at all really but he is dying now obvs] Janis: [we're 😏] Jimmy: [gotta wipe that smirk off her face with your own saucy behaviour not soz bus peeps so get that earlobe boy] Janis: [#shooketh noise, then whispering in his 'now who's the vampire?'] Jimmy: [touches a particularly epic lovebite she's given him and then looks at her like I reckon it's still you] Janis: [looking at it like hmm 'well, you earnt it' and then a LOOK] Jimmy: [giving her a LOOK back because always and then writing 'you' over a particularly epic love bite he gave her like you earnt yours too gal] Janis: [shivers] Jimmy: [we're kissing, deal with it everyone] Janis: [we know how this is, not concerned whatever you might say/tut people soz] Jimmy: [we're barely aware that any of y'all are here rn so] Janis: [rinse and repeat getting worse as more people leave 'cos duh] Jimmy: [we know what the vibe is] Janis: [gotta brace yourself for going into this storm/house] Jimmy: [we can skip to that if you want] Janis: [go for it] Jimmy: [have fun crashing this fun fest lads] Janis: [gonna say Ali is there too for the sheer awks lol] Jimmy: [love that] Janis: [sorry gal your extra mother is here to say bonjour] Jimmy: [I'll give you a break and say Billie isn't there rn so it's not a literal full house] Janis: [yeah, be very rude to do a full meet the family moment lmao] Jimmy: [I won't make you have to have a convo about why she's paralysed at this precise moment] Janis: [so many convos we don't need to have yet, being so off with your mum lowkey is a bit weird enough Jimmy: [Jimothy would look like such a rude hoe because he's uncomfortable around mums, this is why the fam think you're a bad boy though sir when you actually the softest ever] Janis: [we leaving that convo as fast as we can soz Ali] Jimmy: [not a good first impression but not as bad as it could've gone if you hadn't even had that and then just walked in on something or whatever lol] Janis: [she'll live, gonna have to go to your room 'cos gotta get the 😒 out before being your fake self] Jimmy: [gotta bring it if you wanna steal the flatwhites from mia you can't be going in before you're ready] Janis: [in this bare room like woo] Jimmy: [he's noticed but he's not gonna be a dick about it because now is not the time] Janis: ['nightmare, right?' from lying down on her bed 'cos what he said about fit ones earlier] Jimmy: ['not as much of one as you' because just gotta tell her she's the most beautiful ever but in the least feelsy way possible] Janis: [throwing a pillow] Jimmy: [chucks it back at her obvs] Janis: [sitting up like excuse me] Jimmy: [comes and sits next to her because he wasn't before] Janis: [cue hearing them giggling or some shit from the other room like oh god] Jimmy: [🙄 and signs something shady about them like let's go fully deaf rn tbh] Janis: [does something back but gets it slightly wrong 'cos you know] Jimmy: [just corrects her like gimme your hand gal, and shows her how to do it because any chance to touch her we're always taking] Janis: ['how do I tell them to do one without it being obvious?' all the hand gestures] Jimmy: [a little lol but spells out some insults letter by letter because takes longer but they won't have a clue that way] Janis: [practising to kill time and stay alone] Jimmy: [eventually doing the 👍? drawing on her like she did on the bus for that nice parallel because she knew he was then and this time he knows she's not] Janis: [getting up in response like of course 'let's do this then' and holding out your hand like come on] Jimmy: [taking that hand and using it to pull her into a hug because he knows gal and he's not loving the idea of leaving this room either so] Janis: ['not got time' but nudging him to let him know you're only joking about his one-track mind now] Jimmy: [dramatically shhing her as if the flatwhites are gonna hear her turning him down and realise they've been duped but we're likewise only joking] Janis: [rolls her eyes but obvs at the thought of them 'do them good to hear what a no is'] Jimmy: [a grimace because true and also true of his ex which is something we don't wanna dwell on 'I get it, that's your ultimate goal' like okay we're gonna reprogram the cult that way are we] Janis: [shrugs 'just want the pleasure of pulling the trigger myself, like you said'] Jimmy: [shrugs back but also moves away like he's leaving room for Jesus or something with a lil nod like there you go] Janis: [raises a brow like ? but doesn't say anything 'cos thinking 'what's our excuse for bursting in on 'em?'] Jimmy: ['do we need one? sounds like a right laugh in there' oh the sarcasm and bants] Janis: ['yeah, be that as it may, you're meant to wanna be in here alone with me, dickhead-' then puts her finger up like aha 💡 and drags him like let's go] Jimmy: [is about to say that that's what he does want but then she gets her brainwave so that spares him and obvs we're just being dragged along] Janis: [gonna WELL SUBTLY imply you've run out of condoms and do any of you gals have some, soz bit embarrassing boy but you know also a #flex, then you can just be like ooh what you up to like you care lol] Jimmy: [Grace just going to her drawer where she keeps all her hoe shit like I got you gal while Mia and Ella are appalled as if they aren't even bigger hoes and Asia not getting the 'subtlety' so Hollie is explaining like] Janis: [having to pretend you're embarrassed to endear yourself to 'em like full 🙈 but trying not to lose it at how mad #1 & #2 are and how stupid Asia is, like don#t catch the baes eye rn] Jimmy: [at least trying not to lol and pretending you are embarrassed look pretty similar thank god, and then you can do her nails boy because that's blatantly what they were doing but it's more #goals that you want to and will do a good job] Janis: [I vote toenails 'cos it's already a bizarrely intimate task actually so would be 😳 by the end of it] Jimmy: [and then he can be like do you want anything to drink or any of the snacks because she won't be able to move til they are dry- Grace blatantly would have smudged hers already because of her willingness to help Janis at any point and because she's a clumsy bitch so Mia is already annoyed- as a way to let the gals know they have both of these things so Mia will be angrier] Janis: [just like bring 'em all, we'll share, let's party lollololol] Jimmy: [he obvs does and obvs kissing her like he's been gone for a thousand years when it was like a sec purely for the gals not because he's that extra oh no] Janis: [we just really out here reminding everyone we came for condoms pop off kids] Jimmy: [I like to imagine Hollie immediately going for the snacks because she's so done with Mia's shit at this point] Janis: [get yours gal, we're drinking, of course] Jimmy: [very necessary in order to stay sane and coupley sharing is an added bonus] Janis: [painting your nails boy so next time there's chance to go you cannot take it lol] Jimmy: [but are you doing black or are you doing a silly colour] Janis: [you're lucky it isn't some shade of beige tbh, go black though] Jimmy: [latte coloured lol] Janis: [Hollie would've brought some black, edgy hoe] Jimmy: [she absolutely would, all the colours too, fuck you gals] Janis: [live a little huns] Jimmy: [Oh yeah when she painted his nails before Grace put it on her stories so they don't even have to do the work so that's a yes from me] Jimmy: [and Mia suggested a game like never have I ever to try and show Janis up because of course she did but they turned it around and made it couple goals because 1. they can answer for each other like lol we know each other so well now bye and 2. and Mia would be fuming cos her and Pablo are not and what are you gonna do gal facetime him, I don't think so] Janis: [good thinking, and we've got a bottle so all the games can come out now, honestly is Pablo even still about babes, so salty] Jimmy: [all the gals have to drink now and you can't say shit hun, also Grace got upset about it in the OG because her love life is a shambles but in this instance could be about Pablo cos Mia's shown she's that bitch and Jimothy was like go after her before anyone else can because nothing would annoy Mia more] Janis: [just getting Ella to ask really graphic and specific ones she clearly knows Mia has done so they all have to think about that 'cos that bitch] Jimmy: [how gross and how legit for exactly what she would do] Janis: [off you pop then gals, trying not to vom about that, have you no shame Mia] Janis: stay safe, don't let them 💀💀💀 you Jimmy: I'll drink the nail polish remover before I let these lasses near me Janis: loyal to the end 💘 Janis: what is 🍾 if not one step up from acetone so Jimmy: 🥇 or nowt baby Jimmy: be why Asia's asking me how to make some lad more #goals before she cracks onto him Janis: 🙄 Janis: just don't let slip about your entirely fake personality Jimmy: be in good company if I did do Janis: no, she's really that thick Jimmy: reckon I should warn him? @ [this lad's real socials whatever they are because of course she's shown him as if he would know the kid or ever talks to anyone] Janis: well he is your best mate Janis: nah, looks like a dickhead, can probably handle himself Jimmy: sure you don't want him for yourself then? Janis: so she can have you Janis: not a wife swap I'm interested in Jimmy: so you can have a bigger dickhead and she can eat her feelings Janis: is she? Jimmy: she would be if she were 💔 over you taking her lad Janis: I'll do my best to casually drop that into the conversation Janis: you look the other way, like Jimmy: 👍 Janis: we're making popcorn Janis: the empty calories, the horror Jimmy: the real 😱😱 will be when one of 'em tries to hold my hand as I go to grab some of that 🍿 Jimmy: you're gonna have to chuck it at me Janis: ugh Janis: are you gonna be 💪🏆 enough? Jimmy: depends Jimmy: are we gonna have to watch some bollocks film an' all? Janis: what sleepover would be complete without a chick-flick? Jimmy: UGH Janis: don't ugh at me so agressively Janis: I'm sure they'll let you pick and be 😍 when you get it right Jimmy: Titanic, I remember Janis: you know how long that film is Janis: do you wanna be bored to death or what Jimmy: weren't planning to watch it, but alright, if you're sticking to yours of teaching 'em to say no I'll pick something else Janis: obviously the plan isn't to ignore you for the duration Jimmy: you'd be fucked if it were Janis: really Janis: you think you're that irresistible, yeah? Jimmy: it ain't about what I think Jimmy: your 🧠 been on the one track all day, Jasmine Janis: you reckon I can't? Jimmy: it don't matter, you can't accept the challenge around them and keep things #goals Janis: well I can Janis: don't have to let you finger fuck me or return the favour Jimmy: such a romantic, you Jimmy: go on then, resist me Janis: well, what else does watch a movie mean if we're not watching it Jimmy: 😏 Jimmy: never said you were on the wrong track Janis: won't be hard Janis: Mia's chat hasn't put me in the mood Jimmy: chuffed to hear you aren't raring to go after all that bollocks Janis: not as 😭 as gracie but that's nothing new Jimmy: I'll stick the 🎻🎵 on for her Janis: Titanic'll do then, you were rigt Janis: right* Jimmy: can't help having 🥇💡 me Janis: what else would you fill that giant head with Jimmy: 🚬 smoke Jimmy: you coming? Janis: alright Janis: come down and bring the bowls up 🍿 so she don't wanna come with Jimmy: [does] Janis: [go outside to your lil porch moment] Jimmy: [we all know you already need the break lads] Janis: [pretending we aren't arsed but no one needs to hear it, like] Jimmy: [Jimothy just having a 🚬 and whistling a bit of Celine Dion like a nerd] Janis: [trying to shoot him a can you not look but can't not lol a bit] Jimmy: [changes his whistle to the funeral march cos they wanna die] Janis: [shakes her head 'cheery'] Jimmy: [chucks his lighter at her so she can wave it like they do at concerts 'go on then, request something'] Janis: [for some reason lowkey panics like idk, why have you sprung this on me 'do one of your favourites'] Jimmy: [does one of the shit songs they'd play at the CG on a loop so she'd have heard it there for the pisstake] Janis: ['sounds about right' like you #basic] Jimmy: [chucks something at her like an outdoor cushion or whatever like oi because it's been so long since they've had a playfight] Janis: [getting one of your own to whack him with 'why don't you do one of Pete's?'] Jimmy: [is so lowkey 😒 but hides it by pretending that he's so 💔 he doesn't know all of Pete's songs off by heart and getting up his band page to play some bops] Janis: [OTT 😍 'he's SO talented' like she doesn't even know what instrument he is or if he's singing lol] Jimmy: [😒 af but we're forever in the #bants so we gotta leave a 👍 as a comment for these lads] Janis: [snatching his phone like you're gonna comment yourself but just being nosy with it] Jimmy: [smoke rings because we're so jealous but we gotta pretend it's chill] Janis: [oh Pete, just on his socials now 'this his girlfriend?' in a OMG you could've told me/I'm devastated kinda way] Jimmy: [shrugs without even looking because he genuinely doesn't know much about Pete yet cos he's an antisocial hoe and I doubt Pete's chatting up a storm to most of his coworkers at the CG either tbh] Janis: [tuts like honestly but puts the phone down 'cos over the #bants as he's not biting, 'let me look at your nails' an excuse for closeness to inspect like you better not have smudged 'em, boy] Jimmy: [raises an eyebrow like really but obvs does let her] Janis: ['nail art is my passion' so serious proper inspecting every finger, putting his thumb to her lips for the bus mems and looking at him like hey] Jimmy: [can't even be in a sulk anymore because the bae is just your fave, touching her hair for the bus and everything that happened before mems] Janis: [holding your breath and closing your eyes 'cos #overwhelmed] Jimmy: [very soft kiss on her forehead because he's that cute nerd] Janis: [breathing out, 'do I have to ignore you?'] Jimmy: [kissing her properly but still soft so she can decide if she's gonna kiss him back or not like up to you gal] Janis: [obviously does] Jimmy: [just having a nice little makeout moment] Janis: ['you're gonna miss the popcorn'] Jimmy: ['subtle hint' like oh do you want some popcorn do you babe] Janis: [pushes him, gently lol, 'was you buzzin' off the handholding'] Jimmy: [holds her hand like well I'm alright now then aren't I] Janis: [pulls away like eww 😏 'not as sweaty as Tammy though, come on'] Jimmy: ['my nails are more goals an' all' 😏 we going in though] Janis: ['mine are the best though'] Jimmy: ['still gotta crack on with my masterpiece though, remind us in a bit'] Janis: ['I'll do something inspiring to make you remember'] Jimmy: [I vote Mia should have picked and started a film in the living room already cos she's a rude hoe so they should go sit next to her to annoy her like budge up Ella you fat bitch] Janis: [the realest lmao] Jimmy: [everyone is on their phones already so bored] Janis: [the film will be next level crap obvs, doubt she even likes it, just loud whispering about everything from the plot to the popcorn] Jimmy: [jimothy just asking Grace to get the face masks out at a normal volume because she obvs will] Janis: [shushing him like omg] Jimmy: [shading Mia by SUBTLY implying she won't mind because she needs one] Janis: [talking about some skincare she definitely don't need like omg lifesaver babe trust me] Jimmy: [just touching her face lovingly and giving it the OTT heart eyes like yeah it's clearly working for the bae] Janis: [just going on about his perfect face and how lucky he is not to need nothing like where's the lie] Jimmy: [being all like this is why I wanna do a facemask can you BELIEVE I have never gals] Janis: [fully biting our cheeks not to lol rn like oh boy] Jimmy: [Grace buzzing she can leave to go get everyone a mask like thanks babes] Janis: [definitely make them take a lovely unflattering mask selfie lol[ Jimmy: [and loads of cute coupley ones of you two cos we know you still look great] Janis: [just those bitches we been knew] Jimmy: [gotta 'accidentally' chuck his at Ella cos hate you two gal because it's slimy and gross and he's not about it, like oh soz totally weren't aiming for you but you're close to the bin there gal] Janis: [we know she's gonna be seething, if she weren't so weak would definitely brawl you alas, at least you can go off to the bathroom to wash it off him as he's so offended by it and be extra in the process] Jimmy: [I like to imagine that her horrified reaction 'accidentally' made it into the tik tok Hollie was making so she's extra raging, jimothy just like gotta go before this shit fetches my freckles off bye] Jimmy: [god bless that downstairs bathroom so you can leave the door open the whole time, hope there's some popcorn left for that show ladies] Janis: [I hope you're out now Alison, probably 'cos can't stand Mia and Ella] Jimmy: [we know you'd still have an epic social life it's fine] Janis: [just taking your opportunity to pretend you're giggling at whatever he's doing to you 'cos not over Ella's face lol] Jimmy: [and tbf he is lowkey gonna have a water fight with you splashing up a storm because that bitch, don't die Billie when you eventually get back] Janis: [thank god it's likely a wet room sitch so we aren't going to kill her lol, also no hiding how soaked you are in your tiny PJs jussayin] Jimmy: [not saying he had those motives but we're not mad it happened though the gals will be when you give her something of yours to wear] Janis: [may as well make this performance as real as possible] Jimmy: [so gutted you've missed half this film by now I'm sure] Janis: [hear how devvo we are gals lol] Jimmy: [nothing makes me happier than how raging those two are and like JJ have barely had to do anything] Janis: [Grace just turning the volume up 'cos clearly won't leave no matter how pissed off we are like we're watching this film] Jimmy: [Grace babe you need to leave this friendship group] Janis: [coming back in like you're shook they're there like you totally forgot what you were even doing before] Jimmy: [give them both an oscar asap] Janis: [uploading your #content and an excuse to be on your phone for a sec] Janis: have you thought of anything you wanna do after Jimmy: Is that another one of your subtle hints or what? Janis: what am I hinting? Jimmy: might be you want me to decide or you already have done and you wanna tell me your 🥇💡 Janis: or I'm just asking Janis: 'cos I wanna know Jimmy: been a bit busy making 💀👑 bloody 🤬 but when we get her to 🤯 I'll have a 💭 Janis: don't act like I've done nothing Jimmy: never said that Janis: you implied it Jimmy: I said we Janis: oh Jimmy: what's up? Janis: just misread it Jimmy: you're alright then? Janis: aren't you? Jimmy: weren't what I asked Janis: what's wrong? Jimmy: we're in a ⚫️ of bollocks here now, you ain't even answered the question you're just re-asking it Janis: I'm fine, you're the one who brought it up Jimmy: 👍 Janis: good talk Jimmy: can't all be poetry, mate Janis: 💔 I'm sure Jimmy: there'll be a 🎻 playing in a bit, I'm sure Janis: sure 💀#2 is 🥇 string, mate Jimmy: she'd be smashing us over the head with it if she could lift it off the floor Janis: you did silence of the lambs her Jimmy: TOTAL accident that Janis: mm yeah Jimmy: like how wet you are Janis: excuse me Jimmy: you heard Janis: VERY deliberate, you mean Jimmy: don't sound like me or something I would do, girl Janis: look, if you don't wanna take responsibility for making me wet, we can find someone else to take the blame, I'm sure Jimmy: won't be this film though Janis: 🙄 Janis: seriously Jimmy: you wanna go do LITERALLY owt else? Janis: thought you'd never ask Jimmy: come on then Janis: [dramatically sighs and snuggles down into his lap hardcore like, oh, I'm SO sleepy, please take me to bed immediately] Jimmy: [picks her up and carries her away even though there's no need] Janis: [throwing a 'enjoy your evening' over his shoulder as a total afterthought 'cos obvs so 😍 when you are out of sight though, actual face like freedom at last] Jimmy: [could put her down when you're out of sight but doesn't] Janis: [we thinking see, you love it, but we're not saying it] Jimmy: [he knows so he pretends he's gonna drop her but doesn't do that either obvs] Janis: [at least the 'don't you dare!' can sound goals if you aren't totally out of earshot/they're stalking you up the stairs lmao] Jimmy: [okay so my 🎨 idea I randomly had was like he's pissing about tickling her and 'drawing on her' with a clean paintbrush but there's no way she can work out what he's actually drawing so then he does one of those pinterest basic bitch paintings on her back actually but to make it the least cringe we can because never just for the #fans it's the fish tank from that™ romeo and juliet scene they talked about] Janis: [I LOVE THAT you clever nugget, need that, lowkey actually so impressed with his talent™] Jimmy: [nice throwback to when Ali was always painting on Carly so it made my heart happy and I thought cooler than just drawing her because he said lemme paint you not lemme paint a picture of you and he'd have to take a pic so she could see it properly so that's #content] Jimmy: [AND they'd have to wash it off eventually so that's a bath moment we can still have because I didn't get #bathgate] Janis: [and it must happen] Jimmy: [how intimate is washing something else's back though goodbye] Janis: [we're really having all the moments today] Jimmy: [like if you don't wash her hair for her too who are you boy] Janis: [is this day 1 of being friends again, why you so extraaaaaaaa] Jimmy: [they're 15, that's all we need to say] Janis: [cue tayswizzle] Jimmy: [I like to imagine he's not in the bath he's outside of it like that Effy scene and the big brother/dad that he is] Janis: [somehow way more intimate, like would you like to get in boy] Jimmy: [right? we're really doing something today] Janis: [feels get us through without a freakout] Jimmy: [likewise, we're so shook to actually have the bae back that nothing is fully hitting us yet] Janis: [that's the tea on today baby] Jimmy: [is there anything else we wanna happen or is the vibe that they're gonna hook up til they legit do fall asleep?] Janis: [probably that, like they can go piss about outside in the barn like we said but it'll just be more cute] Jimmy: [a lot has happened today feels wise so if you wanna post this I am down]

[crosseyed-miles]

                     The Breakfast Club                    written and directed by                         John Hughes BLANK SCREEN:     Against Black, TITLE CARD:           "...and these children that you spit on,            as they try to change their worlds are           immune to your consultations.  They're         quite aware of what they're going through...                                        - David Bowie"     The Blank Screen and Title Card SHATTER to reveal... 1. EXT. SHERMER HIGH SCHOOL - DAY     During Brian's monologue, we see various views of things     inside the school including Bender's locker.                          BRIAN (VO)               Saturday...March 24, 1984.  Shermer               High School, Shermer, Illinois.               60062.  Dear Mr. Vernon...we accept               the fact that we had to sacrifice a               whole Saturday in detention for               whatever it was that we did wrong,               what we did was wrong.  But we think               you're crazy to make us write this               essay telling you who we think we               are, what do you care?  You see us               as you want to see us...in the               simplest terms and the most               convenient definitions.  You see us               as a brain, an athelete, a basket               case, a princess and a criminal.               Correct? ��That's the way we saw each               other at seven o'clock this morning.               We were brainwashed...                                                  CUT TO: 2. INT. CLAIRE'S CAR - DAY     We see CLAIRE and her FATHER sitting in their car in the     parking lot.     Claire is the prom queen and is clearly a snob.                            CLAIRE               I can't believe you can't get me               out of this...I mean it's so absurd               I have to be here on a Saturday!               It's not like I'm a defective or               anything...                       CLAIRE'S FATHER               I'll make it up to you...Honey,               ditching class to go shopping               doesn't make you a defective.  Have               a good day.     Claire rolls her eyes and gets out of the car and walks     up the school front steps                                                  CUT TO: 3. INT. BRIAN'S CAR - DAY     We are in BRIAN's car.  His MOTHER is there and so is     his little SISTER.  He is sort of a nerd.                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Is this the first time or the last               time we do this?                            BRIAN                    (upset)               Last...                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Well get in there and use the time               to your advantage...                            BRIAN               Mom, we're not supposed to study; we               just have to sit there and do               nothing.                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Well mister you figure out a way to               study.                    BRIAN'S LITTLE SISTER                    (annoyingly)               Yeah!                        BRIAN'S MOTHER               Well go!     Brian gets out of the car and walks towards the school.                                                  CUT TO: 4. INT. ANDREW'S CAR - DAY     We see ANDREW and his FATHER.  Andrew is clearly a jock;     he’s wearing a letterman’s jacket with lots of patches on it.                       ANDREW'S FATHER               Hey, I screwed around...guys screw               around, there's nothing wrong with               that.  Except you got caught, Sport.                            ANDREW               Yeah, Mom already reemed me, alright?                       ANDREW'S FATHER                    (angry)               You wanna miss a match?  You wanna               blow your ride?  Now no school's               gonna give a scholarship to a               discipline case.     Andrew gets out of the car and walks into the school.                                                  CUT TO: 5. EXT. SHERMER PARKING LOT - DAY     We see JOHN BENDER walking towards us.  He is wearing     sunglasses.  A car is coming towards him but he doesn't     stop walking.     The car slams on its breaks directly in front of him.     Bender gets out of the frame.  Out of the car steps     ALLISON.  She is dressed all in black.  She steps     forward to look in the car's front window and the car     drives away.                                                 CUT TO: 6. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     There are six tables in two rows of three.     Claire is sitting at the front table.  Brian comes in     and sits at the table behind her.     Andrew comes in and points at the chair next to Claire     at the front table.  She shrugs and he sits there.     In walks Bender, he touches everything on the checkout     desk and takes a few things in the process.     He walks over to where Brian is sitting and points to     the table on the opposite side of the Library.  Brian     reluctantly gets up and moves.     Bender sits at the table where Brian was and puts his     feet up.     Allison walks in.  She walks all the way around the     library and sits in the back corner table, just behind     Brian.     Andrew and Claire look at each other and snicker.     Brian looks at her in confusion and then turns away.     Enter RICHARD VERNON, a teacher.  He holds a stack     of papers in his left hand.  He addresses the group with     such disrespect it makes you wonder how he ever got the     job.                            VERNON               Well...well.  Here we are!  I want               to congradulate you for being on               time...     Claire raises her hand.                            CLAIRE               Excuse me, sir?  I think there's               been a mistake.  I know it's               detention, but...um...I don't think               I belong in here...     Vernon doesn't care.  He just continues to talk.                            VERNON               It is now seven-oh-six.  You have               exactly eight hours and fifty-four               minutes to think about why you're               here.  To ponder the error of your               ways...     Bender spits into the air and catches the spit in his     mouth again.     Claire looks like she is going to gag.                            VERNON               ...and you may not talk.  You will               not move from these seats.     He glances up at Bender and points at him.                            VERNON               ...and you...     Vernon pulls the chair out from under Bender's feet.                            VERNON               ...will not sleep.  Alright people,               we're gonna try something a little               different today.  We are going to               write an essay--of no less than a               thousand words--describing to me               who you think you are.                            BENDER               Is this a test?     Vernon passes out paper and pencils and takes no notice     of Bender.                            VERNON               And when I say essay...I mean essay.               I do not mean a single word repeated               a thousand times.  Is that clear Mr.               Bender?     Bender looks up.                            BENDER               Crystal...                            VERNON               Good.  Maybe you'll learn a little               something about yourself.  Maybe               you'll even--decide whether or not               you care to return.     Brian raises his hand and then stands.                            BRIAN               You know, I can answer that right               now sir...That'd be "No", no for me.               'cause...                            VERNON               Sit down Johnson...                            BRIAN               Thank you sir...     He sits.                            VERNON               My office...     Vernon points.                            VERNON               ...is right across that hall.  Any               monkey business is ill-advised...     He looks around at them.                            VERNON               ...any questions?                            BENDER               Yeah...I got a question.     Vernon looks at him suspiciously.                            BENDER               Does Barry Manilow know you raid his               wardrobe?                            VERNON               I'll give you the answer to that               question, Mr. Bender, next Saturday.               Don't mess with the bull young man,               you'll get the horns.     Vernon leaves.                            BENDER               That man...is a brownie hound...     Everyone tries to get comfortable and we hear a loud     snapping sound.  Brian turns and looks and it is     Allison, biting her nails.     Bender's eyes widen as he turns to look.  Everyone is     looking now.  Allison notices them looking at her.                            BENDER               You keep eating your hand and you're               not gonna be hungry for lunch...     Allison spits part of her nail at Bender.                            BENDER               I've seen you before, you know...     We see Vernon look out from his office.     We see Brian playing with his pen.                            BRIAN                    (quietly to himself)               Who do I think I am?  Who are you?               Who are you?     He attaches the pen to his bottom lip and puts the top     under his upper lip.                            BRIAN               I am a walrus...     Bender looks at him in utter confusion.  Brian notices     this, laughs and takes the pen out of his mouth--     embarrassed.     Bender and Brian begin to take their jackets off at the     same time.  They both notice this.  Brian stops removing     his jacket.     Bender takes his all the way off.  Brian rubs his hands     together and pretends to be cold.  He pulls his jacket     back on.  He turns and looks at Bender who is still     staring at him.                            BRIAN               It's the shits, huh?     Bender glares at him and Brian utters an uncomfortable     laugh.     Bender turns away and crumples up his essay paper.  He     throws it at Claire.  It misses and goes over Claire's     head.     Andrew and Claire acknowlege it but continue to ignore     Bender.     Bender starts loudly "singing" the musical part of a     song.  “Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah...nah, nah, nah...”                            CLAIRE                    (to herself)               I can't believe this is really               happening to me...     Bender stops "singing" abruptly.                            BENDER               Oh, shit!  What're we s'posed to do               if we hafta take a piss?                            CLAIRE                    (disgusted)               Please...                            BENDER               If you gotta go...     We hear Bender unzip his fly.                            BENDER               You gotta go!     Everyone is now looking at Bender.                            CLAIRE                   (disgusted)               Oh my God!                            ANDREW               Hey, yer not urinating in here man!                            BENDER               Don't talk!  Don't talk!  It makes               it crawl back up!                            ANDREW               You whip it out and you're dead               before the first drop hits the               floor!     Bender gasps mockingly.                            BENDER               You're pretty sexy when you get               angry...grrr!     He turns to Brian.                            BENDER               Hey, homeboy...     Brian points at himself with his pen.                            BENDER              ...why don't you go close that door.               We'll get the prom queen--               impregnated!     Claire turns and glares at him.                            ANDREW               Hey!     Bender ignores him.                            ANDREW               Hey!                          BENDER               What?                            ANDREW               If I lose my temper, you're totalled               man!                            BENDER               Totally?                            ANDREW               Totally!                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               Why don't you just shut up!  Nobody               here is interested!                            ANDREW               Really!                    (to Claire about Bender)               Buttface!                            BENDER               Well hey Sporto!  What'd you do to               get in here?  Forget to wash your               jock?                            BRIAN                    (nervous)               Uh, excuse me, fellas?  I think we               should just write our papers...                            ANDREW                    (to Bender)               Look, just because you live in here               doesn't give you the right to be a               pain in the ass...so knock it off!     Bender mockingly registers pain in his face.                            BENDER               It's a free country...                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               He's just doing it to get a rise out               of you!  Just ignore him...                            BENDER                    (to Claire)               Sweets...you couldn't ignore me if               you tried!     Claire rolls her eyes.                           BENDER               So...so!                    (to Andrew and Claire)               Are you guys like boyfriend/girl-               friend?                    (a beat)               Steady dates?                    (another beat)               Lo--vers?                    (another beat)               Come on Sporto, level with me.  Do               you slip her the hot...beef...               injection?     Claire and Andrew turn to face Bender, both furious.                            CLAIRE                    (screams)               Go to hell!                            ANDREW                    (screams)               Enough!                                                  CUT TO: 7. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY     We see Vernon in his office.                            VERNON                    (yells)               Hey!  What's going on in there?                    (to himself)               Smug little pricks!                                                  CUT TO: 8. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     They all look at each other.  Andrew turns away from     Bender.                            ANDREW                    (to himself)               Scumbag!     Bender stands up and walks over to the railing.  He sits     on it.                            BENDER               What do you say we close that door.               We can't have any kind of party               with Vernon checking us out every               few seconds.                            BRIAN               Well, you know the door's s'posed to               stay open...                           BENDER               So what?                           ANDREW               So why don't you just shut up!               There's four other people in here               you know...                            BENDER               God, you can count.  See!  I knew               you had to be smart to be a...a               wrestler.                            ANDREW               Who the hell are you to judge               anybody anyway?                            CLAIRE               Really...                            ANDREW               You know, Bender...you don't even               count.  I mean if you disappeared               forever it wouldn't make any               difference.  You may as well not               even exist at this school.     Bender probably is upset at this and he pauses a moment     before speaking.  He doesn't let his emotions out,     however.                            BENDER               Well...I'll just run right out and               join the wrestling team.     Andrew and Claire look at each other and laugh at     Bender.                            BENDER                    (to Claire)               Maybe the prep club too!  Student               council...                            ANDREW               No, they wouldn't take you.                            BENDER               I'm hurt.                            CLAIRE               You know why guys like you knock               everything...                            BENDER                    (to himself)               Oh, this should be stunning...                            CLAIRE               It's 'cause you're afraid.                            BENDER                    (with mock enthusiasm)               Oh, God!  You ritchies are so smart,               that's exactly why I'm not heavy in               activities!                            CLAIRE               You're a big coward!     Brian feels left out.                            BRIAN                    (to no one imparticular)               I'm in the math club...                            CLAIRE               See you're afraid that they won't               take you.  You don't belong so you               just have to dump all over it...                            BENDER               Well...it wouldn't have anything to               do with you activities people being               assholes...now would it?                            CLAIRE               Well you wouldn't know...You don't               even know any of us.                            BENDER               Well, I don't know any lepers               either, but I'm not gonna run out               and join one of their fucking clubs.                            ANDREW               Hey let's watch the mouth, huh?     Brian again feels he needs to contribute.                            BRIAN               I'm in the physics club too...                            BENDER                    (to Claire)               S'cuse me a sec...                    (to Brian)               What are you babbling about?                            BRIAN               Well, what I said was...I'm in the               math club, the Latin club and the               physics club...physics club.     Bender nods and turns to Claire.                            BENDER               Hey...Cherry...do you belong to the               physics club?                            CLAIRE               That's an academic club...                            BENDER               So?                            CLAIRE               So...academic clubs aren't the same               as other kinds of clubs.                            BENDER               Oh, but to dorks like him...     Bender points at Brian.                            BENDER               ...they are.                    (to Brian)               What do you guys do in your club?                            BRIAN               In physics, um, we ah, we talk about               physics...about properties of physics.                            BENDER               So it's sorta social...demented and               sad, but social.  Right?                            BRIAN               Yeah, well, I guess you could               consider it a social situation.  I               mean there are other children in my               club and uh, at the end of the year               we have, um, you know, a big               banquet, at the, uh, at the Hilton.                            BENDER               You load up, you party...                            BRIAN               Well, no, we get dressed up...I               mean, but, we don't...we don't get               high.                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               Only burners like you get high...                            BRIAN               And, uh, I didn't have any shoes.               So I had to borrow my dad's.  It               was kinda weird 'cause my mom doesn't               like me to wear other people's               shoes.  And, uh, my cousin Kent...my               cousin Kendall from, uh, Indiana...               He got high once and you know, he               started eating like really weird               foods.  And uh, and then he just               felt like he didn't belong anywhere.               You know, kinda like, you know               "Twilight Zone" kinda.                            CLAIRE                    (laughs)                    (to Bender)               Sounds like you...                            ANDREW               Look, you guys keep up your talking               and Vernon's gonna come right in               here...I got a meet this Saturday               and I'm not gonna miss it on account               of you boneheads...                            BENDER                    (to Andrew)               Oh and wouldn't that be a bite...     Bender lets out a moan of fake agony.                            BENDER               Missing a whole wrestling meet!                            ANDREW               Well you wouldn't know anything               about it, faggot!  You never competed               in your whole life!                            BENDER                    (with mock hurt)               Oh, I know...I feel all empty inside               because of it.  I have such a deep               admiration for guys that roll around               on the floor with other guys!                            ANDREW               Ahhh...you'd never miss it.  You               don't have any goals.                            BENDER               Oh, but I do!                            ANDREW               Yeah?                            BENDER               I wanna be just--like--you!  I               figure all I need's a labotamy and               some tights!     Brian becomes interested.                            BRIAN               You wear tights?                            ANDREW                    (to Brian)               No I don't wear tights, I wear the               required uniform...                            BRIAN               Tights...                            ANDREW                    (defensive)               Shut up!     They hear Vernon moving around out in the hall so Bender     quickly comes and sits in the chair between Claire and     Andrew.  He folds his hands on the table.     Vernon goes back into his office.  Bender laughs and     gets up.  He starts walking towards the double doors     that separate the library from the hallway.                            BRIAN               You know there's not s'posed to be               any monkey business!     Bender turns and points at Brian.                            BENDER                    (in a stern voice)               Young man...have you finished your               paper?     Bender turns back away and goes to the door.  He looks     around cautiously and removes a screw from the door.                            CLAIRE               What are you gonna do?                            ANDREW               Drop dead, I hope!                                                  CUT TO: 9. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     We see Vernon getting a drink at the fountain. He stands     up and checks the way he looks in a mirror.  He does a     muscular pose and utters some manly jibberish “Cobadonga!”                                                  CUT TO: 10. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Brian looks up.  Bender is messing with the door to the     library.                            BRIAN               Bender, that's, that's school               property there...you know, it doesn't               belong to us.  It's something not to               be toyed with.     The door slams shut.  Bender runs back to his seat.                            ANDREW               That's very funny, come on, fix it!                            BRIAN               You should really fix that!                            BENDER               Am I a genius?                            ANDREW               No, you're an asshole!                            BENDER               What a funny guy!                            ANDREW               Fix the door Bender!                            BENDER               Everyone just shhh!                                                  CUT TO: 11. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     We see Vernon walking back to his office.  He stops and     listens to them through the closed door.                         BENDER (OS)               I've been here before, I know what               I'm doing!                         ANDREW (OS)               No!  Fix the door, get up there and               fix it!                         BENDER (OS)                    (screams)               Shut up!                                                  CUT TO: 12. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Brian as we hear Vernon in the hall.                         VERNON (OS)               God damnit!     He opens the door and storms in.                            VERNON               Why is that door closed?     For a few seconds no one says anything, they just stare     at Vernon.                            VERNON               Why is that door closed?                            BENDER               How're we s'posed to know?  We're               not s'posed to move, right?     Vernon turns to Claire.                            VERNON               Why?                            CLAIRE               We were just sitting here, like we               were s'posed to...     Vernon looks around and looks at Bender.                            VERNON               Who closed that door?                            BENDER               I think a screw fell out of it...                            ANDREW               It just closed, sir...     Vernon looks at Allison in the back.                            VERNON               Who?     Allison lets out a squeak and slams her face onto the     table, hiding in her jacket hood.                            BENDER               She doesn't talk, sir...                            VERNON                    (to Bender)               Give me that screw...                            BENDER              I don't have it...                            VERNON               You want me to yank you outta that               seat and shake it out of you?                            BENDER               I don't have it...screws fall out               all of the time, the world's an               imperfect place...                            VERNON               Give it to me, Bender...                            CLAIRE               Excuse me, sir, why would anybody               want to steal a screw?                            VERNON                    (to Claire)               Watch it, young lady...     Vernon goes over to the door.  He tries to hold it open     by putting a folding chair in front of it.                            BENDER               The door's way too heavy, sir.     The door slams shut despite the chair.                         VERNON (OS)               God damnit!     They laugh.     Vernon opens the door again.  He comes back in.                            VERNON                    (pointing)               Andrew Clark...get up here.  Come on,               front and center, let's go.     Andrew gets up and walks over to Vernon.                            BENDER           ��   Hey, how come Andrew gets to get up?               If he gets up, we'll all get up,               it'll be anarchy!     Vernon and Andrew are now attempting to move the steel     magazine rack in front of the door.                            VERNON              Okay, now, watch the magazines!                            BENDER               It's out of my hands...     They get it into the doorway and it blocks the entire     door.                            BENDER               That's very clever sir, but what if               there's a fire?  I think violating               fire codes and endangering the               lives of children would be unwise               at this juncture in your career, sir.     Vernon thinks about it.  He turns to Andrew.                            VERNON               Alright, what are you doing with               this?  Get this outta here for God's               sake!  What's the matter with you?               Come on!                            BRIAN               You know the school comes equipped               with fire exits at either end of the               library.     Brian points at them and Bender glares at him.                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               Show Dick some respect!     Andrew and Vernon come back into the main section of     the library.                            VERNON                    (to Andrew)               Let's go...go!  Get back into your               seat.     Andrew sits.                            VERNON                    (to Andrew)               I expected a little more from a               varsity letterman!                    (to Bender)               You're not fooling anybody, Bender!               The next screw that falls out is               gonna be you!     Vernon turns to leave.                            BENDER                    (under his breath)               Eat my shorts...     Vernon spins in his tracks and faces Bender again.                            VERNON               What was that?                            BENDER                    (loudly)               Eat my shorts!                            VERNON               You just bought yourself another               Saturday, mister!                            BENDER               Oh, Christ...                            VERNON               You just bought one more right               there!                            BENDER               Well, I'm free the Saturday after               that...beyond that, I'm gonna have               to check my calendar!                            VERNON               Good!  'Cause it's gonna be filled,               we'll keep goin'!  You want another               one?  Say the word, just say the               word!  Instead of going to prison,               you'll come here!  Are you through.                            BENDER               No!                            VERNON               I'm doing society a favor!                            BENDER               So?                            VERNON               That's another one, right now!  I've               got you for the rest of your natural               born life if you don't watch your               step!  You want another one?                            BENDER               Yes!                            VERNON               You got it!  You got another one,               right there!  That's another one               pal!                            CLAIRE                    (worried)               Cut it out!     Claire mouths the word "Stop" to Bender.                            VERNON               You through?                            BENDER               Not even close, bud!                            VERNON               Good!  You got one more, right               there!                            BENDER               Do you really think I give a shit?                            VERNON               Another...     Bender glares at him.                            VERNON               You through?                            BENDER               How many is that?                            BRIAN               That's seven including the one when               we first came in and you asked Mr.               Vernon here whether Barry Manilow               knew that he raided his closet.                            VERNON                    (to Bender)               Now it's eight...                    (to Brian)               You stay out of it!                            BRIAN               Excuse me, sir, it's seven!                            VERNON               Shut up, Peewee!                    (to Bender)               You're mine Bender...for two months               I gotcha!  I gotcha!                            BENDER               What can I say?  I'm thrilled!                            VERNON               Oh, I'm sure that's exactly what you               want these people to believe.  You               know something, Bender?  You ought               to spend a little more time trying               to do something with yourself and a               little less time trying to impress               people.  You might be better off.                    (to everyone)               Alright, that's it!  I'm going to               be right outside those doors.  The               next time I hafta come in here...I'm               cracking skulls!  (Bender mouths “I’m               cracking skulls”)     Vernon leaves and closes the door.  A musical riff     builds to a climax as Bender screams.                            BENDER                    (screams)               Fuck you!     We see the clock, it reads a quarter to eight.     We see Bender, lighting his shoe on fire and lighting a     cigarette with his shoe.     We see Claire thinking.     We see Brian playing with his balls.     We see Andrew playing with his sweatshirt.     We see Allison pulling a string around her finger and     making it turn purple.     We see Bender put the flames on his shoe out.  He then     plays air guitar.     We see Allison drawing.     We see Andrew playing paper football.  He cheers     silently.     Allison shakes dandruff from her hair onto her picture.     We see everyone fall asleep.                                                  CUT TO: 13. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     Vernon is standing there staring at the sleeping kids.                            VERNON               Wake up!  Who has to go to the               lavatory?     Everyone raises their hands.                                                  CUT TO: 14. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     We see the clock, it now says 10:22.     We see Andrew stretching.  We see Bender tearing pages     out of a book.  He is tossing them around.                            ANDREW               That's real intelligent.                            BENDER               You're right...it's wrong to               destroy literature...     He continues to tear pages out.                            BENDER               It's such fun to read...and, Molet               really pumps my nads!                            CLAIRE                    (pronouncing it correctly)               Mol-yare.                            BRIAN              I love his work.     Bender tosses the rest of the pages at Brian.  He picks     up the card catalogue drawer and begins to take cards     out.                            BENDER               Big deal...nothing to do when you're               locked in a vacancy..                           ANDREW               Speak for yourself...                            BENDER               Do you think I'd speak for you?  I               don't even know your language!     Andrew turns to Claire.                            ANDREW               Hey, you grounded tonight?     Claire shrugs.                            CLAIRE               I don't know, my mom said I was but               by dad told me to just blow her off.                            ANDREW               Big party at Stubbies, parents are               in Europe.  Should be pretty wild...                            CLAIRE               Yeah?                            ANDREW               Yeah, can you go?                            CLAIRE               I doubt it...                            ANDREW               How come?                            CLAIRE               Well 'cause if I do what my mother               tells me not to do, it's because               because my father says it's okay.               There's like this whole big monster               deal, it's endless and it's a total               drag.  It's like any minute...               divorce...                            BENDER               Who do you like better?                            CLAIRE               What?                            BENDER               You like your old man better than               your mom?                            CLAIRE               They're both strict.                            BENDER               No, I mean, if you had to choose               between them.                            CLAIRE               I dunno, I'd probably go live with               my brother.  I mean, I don't think               either one of them gives a shit               about me...it's like they use me               just to get back at each other.     Suddenly, from the back of the room.  Allison speaks.                           ALLISON                    (loudly)               Ha!!!     Everyone looks at her shocked.  Allison blows her hair     out of her eyes and grins.                            CLAIRE               Shut up!                            ANDREW               You're just feeling sorry for               yourself...                            CLAIRE               Yeah, well if I didn't nobody else               would.                            ANDREW               Aw...you're breaking my heart...                            BENDER               Sporto...                            ANDREW               What?     Bender jumps down and goes next to Andrew.                            BENDER               You get along with your parents?                            ANDREW               Well if I say yes, I'm an idiot,               right?                            BENDER               You're an idiot anyway...But if you               say you get along with your parents               well you're a liar too!     Bender turns and walks away from him.  Andrew follows     and pushes Bender.                            ANDREW               You know something, man...If we               weren't in school right now, I'd               waste you!     Bender points his middle finger at the floor.                            BENDER               Can you hear this?  Want me to turn               it up?     Bender flips his hand around so he is now giving Andrew     the bird.     Brian comes over and puts a hand on each of the guy's     shoulders.                            BRIAN               Hey fellas, I mean...     Andrew pushes away from Brian.                            BRIAN               ...I don't like my parents either,               I don't...I don't get along with               them...their idea of parental               compassion is just, you know, wacko!     Bender turns to Brian.                            BENDER               Dork...                            BRIAN              Yeah?                            BENDER               You are a parent's wet dream, okay?     Bender starts to walk away.                            BRIAN               Well that's a problem!                            BENDER               Look, I can see you getting all               bunged up for them making you wear               these kinda clothes.  But face it,               you're a Neo-Maxi-Zoom-Dweebie!               What would you be doing if you               weren't out making yourself a better               citizen?                            ANDREW               Why do you have to insult everybody?                            BENDER               I'm being honest, asshole!  I would               expect you...to know the difference!                            ANDREW               Yeah well, he's gotta name!                            BENDER               Yeah?                            ANDREW               Yeah,                    (to Brian)               What's your name?                            BRIAN               Brian...                            ANDREW               See...                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               My condolences...     Bender walks away.                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               What's your name?                            BENDER               What's yours?                            CLAIRE               Claire...                            BENDER               Ka-Laire?                            CLAIRE               Claire...it's a family name!                            BENDER               Nooo...It's a fat girl's name!                            CLAIRE               Well thank you...                            BENDER               You're welcome...                            CLAIRE               I'm not fat!                            BENDER               Well not at present but I could see               you really pushing maximum density!               You see, I'm not sure if you know               this...but there are two kinds of               fat people.  There's fat people that               were born to be fat, and then there's               fat people that were once thin but               they became fat...so when you look               at them you can sorta see that thin               person inside!  You see, you're               gonna get married, you're gonna               squeeze out a few puppies and then,               uh...     He mimes becoming fat, making noises.     Claire gives him the finger.                            BENDER               Oh...obscene finger gestures from               such a pristine girl!                            CLAIRE                    (resentfully)               I'm not that pristine!     Bender bends down closer to Claire.                            BENDER               Are you a virgin?                    (a beat)               I'll bet you a million dollars that               you are!  Let's end the suspense!               Is it gonna be...                    (another beat)               ...a white weddin?                            CLAIRE               Why don't you just shut up?                            BENDER               Have you ever kissed a boy on the               mouth?                    (a beat)               Have you ever been felt up?  Over               the bra, under the blouse, shoes               off...hoping to God your parents               don't walk in?     Claire is getting upset.                            CLAIRE               Do you want me to puke?                            BENDER               Over the panties, no bra, blouse               unbuttoned, Calvin's in a ball on               the front seat past eleven on a               school night?                            ANDREW               Leave her alone!     Bender slowly stands and faces Andrew.                            ANDREW               I said leave her alone!                            BENDER               You gonna make me?                            ANDREW               Yeah...     Bender walks over to where Andrew is standing.                            BENDER               You and how many of your friends?                            ANDREW               Just me, just you and me.  Two hits.               Me hitting you, you hitting the               floor!  Anytime you're ready, pal!     Bender goes to hit him but Andrew gets Bender down on     the ground with a wrestling move.                            BENDER               I don't wanna get into to this with               you man...     Andrew gets up.                            ANDREW               Why not?     Bender gets up.                            BENDER               'Cause I'd kill you...It's real simple.               I'd kill you and your fucking parents               would sue me and it would be a big               mess and I don't care enough about               you to bother.                            ANDREW               Chicken shit...     Andrew turns and walks away.  Bender takes out a     switchblade and opens it.     He stabs the switchblade into a chair.                            ANDREW               Let's end this right now.  You don't               talk to her...you don't look at her               and you don't even think about her!               You understand me?                            BENDER               I'm trying to help her!.     We see the janitor, CARL come into the room.                             CARL               Brian, how you doing?                            BENDER               Your dad works here?     Brian is embarrassed.                            BENDER               Uh, Carl?                             CARL               What?                            BENDER               Can I ask you a question?                             CARL               Sure...                            BENDER               How does one become a janitor?                             CARL               You wanna be a janitor?                            BENDER               No I just wanna know how one becomes               a janitor because Andrew here, is               very interested in persuing a               career in the custodial arts...                             CARL               Oh, really?  You guys think I'm               just some untouchable peasant?  Peon?               Huh?  Maybe so, but following               a broom around after shitheads like               you for the past eight years I've               learned a couple of things...I look               through your letters, I look through               your lockers...I listen to your               conversations, you don't know that               but I do...I am the eyes and ears of               this institution my friends.  By the               way, that clock's twenty minutes               fast!     Everyone groans.  Bender smiles.                            ANDREW               Shit!                                                  CUT TO: 15. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY     The clock says 11:30.  Vernon gets up and leaves.                                                  CUT TO: 16. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Bender starts to whistle a marching tune and everybody     joins in.     Vernon enters.  Bender begins to whistle Beethoven's     5th.                            VERNON               Allright girls, that's thirty               minutes for lunch...                            ANDREW               Here?                            VERNON               Here...                            ANDREW               Well I think the cafeteria would be               a more suitable place for us to eat               lunch in, sir!                            VERNON               Well, I don't care what you think,               Andrew!                            BENDER               Uh, Dick?  Excuse me, Rich...will               milk be made available to us?                            ANDREW               We're extremely thirsty sir...                            CLAIRE               I have a very low tolerance for               dehydration.                            ANDREW               I've seen her dehydrate sir, it's               pretty gross.     Bender stands.                            BENDER               Relax, I'll get it!                            VERNON               Ah, ah, ah grab some wood there, bub!     Bender grins.                            VERNON               What do you think, I was born               yesterday?  You think I'm gonna               have you roaming these halls?     He points at Andrew.                            VERNON               You!     He points at Allison.                            VERNON               And you!  Hey!  What's her name?               Wake her!  Wake her up!                    (to Allison)               Come on, on your feet missy!  Let's               go!  This is no rest home!     Allison gets up.                            VERNON               There's a soft drink machine in the               teacher's lounge.  Lets go!                                                  CUT TO: 16. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     Andrew and Allison are walking in the hall.                            ANDREW               So, what's your poison?     Allison doesn't answer.                            ANDREW               What do you drink?     Allison still doesn't answer.                            ANDREW               Okay...forget I asked...     Allison waits for two beats and then speaks.                           ALLISON               Vodka...                            ANDREW               Vodka?  When do you drink vodka?                           ALLISON               Whenever...                            ANDREW              A lot?     Allison smiles.                           ALLISON               Tons...                            ANDREW               Is that why you're here today?     Allison doesn't answer.                            ANDREW               Why are you here?     Allison snaps back.                           ALLISON               Why are you here?     They stop walking and Andrew leans against the wall.                            ANDREW               Um, I'm here today...because uh,               because my coach and my father don't               want me to blow my ride.  See I get               treated differently because uh,               Coach thinks I'm a winner.  So does               my old man.  I'm not a winner               because I wanna be one... I'm a               winner because I got strength and               speed.  Kinda like a race horse.               That's about how involved I am in               what's happening to me.                           ALLISON               Yeah?  That's very interesting.               Now why don't you tell me why you're               really in here.                            ANDREW               Forget it!                                                  CUT TO: 17. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Claire and Bender and Brian are all sitting around     waiting for the Cokes.                            BENDER               Claire...you wanna see a picture of               a guy with elephantitus of the nuts?               It's pretty tasty...                            CLAIRE               No thank you...                            BENDER               How do you think he rides a bike?     Claire rolls her eyes and turns away in disgust.                            BENDER               Oh, Claire...would you ever consider               dating a guy like this?                            CLAIRE               Can't you just leave me alone?                            BENDER               I mean if he had a great personality               and was a good dancer and had a cool               car...Although you'd probably have               to ride in the back seat 'cause his               nuts would ride shotgun.                            CLAIRE               You know what I wish I was doing?                            BENDER               Op, watch what you say, Brian here               is a cherry.                            BRIAN               A cherry?                            CLAIRE               I wish I was on a plane to France.                            BRIAN               I'm not a cherry.                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               When have you ever gotten laid?                            BRIAN               I've laid, lotsa times!                            BENDER               Name one!                            BRIAN               She lives in Canada, met her at               Niagra Falls.  You wouldn't know               her.                            BENDER               Ever laid anyone around here.     Brian shushes Bender and points at Claire whos back is     still turned.                            BRIAN                    Oh, you and Claire, did it!     Claire spins around.                            CLAIRE              What are you talking about?                            BRIAN                    (to Claire)               Nothin', nothin!                    (to Bender)               Let's just drop it, we'll talk about               it later!                            CLAIRE               No!  Drop what, what're you talking               about?                            BENDER               Well, Brian's trying to tell me that               in addition to the number of girls               in the Niagra Falls area, that               presently you and he are, riding               the hobby horse!                            CLAIRE                    (to Brian)               Little pig!                            BRIAN               No I'm not!  I'm not!  John said I               was a cherry and I said I wasn't,               that's it, that's all that was said!                            BENDER               Well then what were you motioning to               Claire for?                            CLAIRE               You know I don't appreciate this               very much, Brian.                            BRIAN               He is lying!                            BENDER               Oh you weren't motioning to Claire?                            BRIAN               You know he's lying, right?                            BENDER               Were you or were you not motioning               to Claire?                            BRIAN               Yeah, but it was only...was only               because I didn't want her to know               that I was a virgin, okay?     Bender just stares at him.                            BRIAN               Excuse me for being a virgin, I'm               sorry...     Claire laughs.                            CLAIRE               Why didn't you want me to know you               were a virgin?                            BRIAN               Because it's personal business, it's               my personal, private business.                            BENDER               Well Brian, it doesn't sound like               you're doing any business...                            CLAIRE               I think it's okay for a guy to be a               virgin...     Bender looks suprised.                            BRIAN               You do?     Claire smiles and nods.                                                  CUT TO: 18.  INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     Everybody has lunches now.     Claire begins to take hers out of a small shopping bag.                            BENDER               What's in there?                            CLAIRE               Guess, where's your lunch?                            BENDER               You're wearing it...                            CLAIRE               You're nauseating...     Bender grabs a Coke and tosses it over to Allison who     catches it without even looking up.     Bender then watches Claire set up a sushi platter.                            BENDER               What's that?                            CLAIRE               Sushi...                            BENDER               Sushi?                            CLAIRE               Rice, uh, raw fish and seaweed.                            BENDER               You won't accept a guys tongue in               your mouth and you're gonna eat               that?                            CLAIRE               Can I eat?                            BENDER               I don't know...give it a try...     We now watch Andrew take a couple sandwiches out of his     bag, a bag of potato chips, an apple, a banana, a bag     of cookies and a carton of milk.     Allison opens her Coke and it fizzes over.  She loudly     slurps it up off the table and her fingers.     Andrew sees Bender looking at him.                            ANDREW               What's your problem?     Allison opens her sandwich and and tosses the meat up.     It lands on the sculpture above.     She opens some pixie stix and pours the sugar on the     sandwich and then puts Cap'n Crunch on top of that.     She crushes the sandwich together and loudly eats it.     Bender goes over and sits by Brian, Bender takes     Brian's bag lunch.                            BENDER               What're we having?                            BRIAN               Uh, it's your standard, regular               lunch I guess...     Bender reaches in the bag and pulls out a thermos.  He     sets it on the table and points at it.                            BENDER               Milk?                            BRIAN               Soup.     Bender goes in again and pulls out a juice box.     Brian reaches toward the bag and Bender slaps his hand.                            BRIAN               That's apple juice...                            BENDER               I can read!  PB & J with the crusts               cut off...Well Brian, this is a               very nutritous lunch, all the food               groups are represented.  Did your               mom marry Mr. Rogers?                            BRIAN               Uh, no, Mr. Johnson...                            BENDER               Ahhh....     Andrew and Claire smile at each other.  Bender stands.                            BENDER               Here's my impression of life at big               Bri's house...                    (in a loud and friendly voice)               Son!                    (in a kiddie voice)               Yeah Dad?                    (loud)               How's your day, pal?                    (kiddie)               Great Dad, how's yours?                    (loud)               Super, say son, how'd you like to go               fishing this weekend?                    (kiddie)               Great Dad, but I've got homework to               do!                    (loud)               That's alright son, you can do it,               on the boat!                    (kiddie)               Geee!!!                    (loud)               Dear, isn't our son swell?                    (quiet and motherly)               Yes Dear, isn't life swell?     Bender mimes mother kissing father and then father     kissing mother and then father punching mother in the     face.     Suddenly it's not so funny anymore.                            ANDREW               Alright, what about your family?                            BENDER               Oh, mine?                            ANDREW               That's real easy!     Bender stands again and points forward.                            BENDER                    (as his father)               Stupid, worthless, no good, God               damned, freeloading, son of a bitch,               retarded, bigmouth, know it all,               asshole, jerk!                       (as his mother)               You forgot ugly, lazy and               disrespectful.     Bender slams his hand back to slap his invisable     mother.                            BENDER                    (as his father)               Shut up bitch!  Go fix me a turkey               pot pie!                    (as himself)               What about you Dad?                    (as his father)               Fuck you!                    (as himself)               No, Dad, what about you?                    (as his father)               Fuck you!                    (as himself--yelling)               No, Dad, what about you?                    (as his father--yelling)               Fuck you!     He reaches out and pretend he's his father hitting him.                            BRIAN               Is that for real?                            BENDER                    (to Brian)               You wanna come over sometime?                            ANDREW               That's bullshit.  It's all part of               your image, I don't believe a word               of it.     Bender actually looks hurt.                     BENDER               You don't believe me?                            ANDREW               No...                            BENDER               No?                            ANDREW               Did I stutter?     Bender comes over to Andrew and rolls up his right     sleeve to reveal a circular shaped burn.                            BENDER               Do you believe this?  Huh?  It's               about the size of a cigar...Do I               stutter?  You see, this is what you               get in my house when you spill paint               in the garage.     Bender begins to walk away.                            BENDER               See I don't think that I need to               sit here with you fuckin' dildos anymore!     Bender walks over to a map table and throws all the     maps on the floor.  He climbs up on top of the table and     then up to the second floor balcony.                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               You shouldn't have said that!                            ANDREW               How would I know, I mean he lies               about everything anyway!                                                 CUT TO: 19. INT. VERNON'S OFFICE - DAY     Vernon puts an orange in his mouth and then attempts to     pour coffee out of his thermos.  The top comes off and     the coffee goes all over his desk.                            VERNON               Oh, shit!                                                  CUT TO: 20. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     Vernon walks into the hallway, talking to himself.                            VERNON               Coffee...looks like they scrape it               off the bottom of the Mississippi               river.  Everything's polluted,               everything's polluted...the coffee.     Bender comes out of the library doors followed     bye veryone else.     Bender and Claire are walking next to each other.     Brian and Andrew are walking next to each other and at the     end of the line, Allison is following.                            CLAIRE                    (to Bender)               How do you know where Vernon went?                            BENDER               I don't...                            CLAIRE               Well then, how do you know when he'll               be back?                            BENDER               I don't...being bad feels pretty               good, huh?                            BRIAN                    (to Andrew)               What's the point in going to Bender's               locker?                            ANDREW               Beats me...                            BRIAN               This is so stupid...Why do you think,               why are we risking getting caught?                            ANDREW               I dunno...                            BRIAN               So then what are we doing?                            ANDREW               You ask me one more question and I'm               beating the shit out of you!                            BRIAN               Sorry...     Bender opens his locker.                            ANDREW               Slob!                            BENDER               My maid's on vacation.     Bender pulls out a bag of marijuana.                            BRIAN               Drugs...                            ANDREW              Screw that Bender...put it back!     Bender walks away.                         BRIAN               Drugs...the boy had marijuana.     Claire walks after Bender.                            BRIAN               That was marijuana!                            ANDREW               Shut up!     Andrew follows the other two.  Brian looks at Allison     who is standing there with her mouth open.                            BRIAN               Do you approve of this?     Brian turns and leaves.  Allison steals the lock off of     Bender's locker.     We see the crowd walking down the hall.                            BENDER               We'll cross through the lab, and               then we'll double back.                            ANDREW               You better be right, if Vernon cuts               us off it's your fault, asshole!                            BRIAN                    (to Claire)               What'd he say?  Where're we going?     They see Vernon down one of the halls.  We have various     sequences of them running around and seeing Vernon     until they stop.                            BENDER               Wait!  Wait, hold it!  Hold it!  We               have to go through the cafeteria!                            ANDREW               No, the activities hall.                            BENDER               Hey man, you don't know what you're               talking about!                            ANDREW               No you don't know what you're               talking about!     Allison squeaks.                            ANDREW               Now we're through listening to you,               we're going this way.     They all go Andrew's way and run into a hall closed by     an iron gate.                            ANDREW               Shit!                            BENDER               Great idea Jagoff!                            ANDREW               Fuck you!                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               Fuck you!  Why didn't you listen to               John?                            BRIAN               We're dead!                            BENDER               No, just me!                            BRIAN               What do you mean?                            BENDER               Get back to the library, keep your               unit on this!     Bender puts his bag of marijuana into Brian's     underwear.     Bender runs away singing loudly.  “I wanna be an     airborne ranger...”     We see Vernon hear Bender.     The rest of them run.                            VERNON               That son of a bitch!     We see Vernon looking for Bender until he finds him in     the gym.     Bender is going up for a basket.                            BENDER               Three...two...one!     He dunks the ball.  Vernon enters.                            VERNON               Bender!  Bender!  Bender!  What is               this?  What are you doing here, what               is this?                            BENDER               Oh, hi!                            VERNON               Out!  That's it Bender!  Out, it's               over!                            BENDER               Don't you wanna hear my excuse?                            VERNON               Out!                            BENDER               I'm thinking of trying out for a               scholarship.                            VERNON               Gimmie the ball, Bender.     Bender fakes the ball at Vernon.  He then sets the ball     down and rolls it at Vernon who kicks it back at him.     They leave.                                                  CUT TO: 21. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     The rest of the kids are all sitting back in their     seats when Bender and Vernon enter.  Vernon pushes Bender.                            VERNON               Get your stuff, let's go!                    (to everyone)               Mr. Wiseguy here has taken it upon               himself to go to the gymnasium.  I'm               sorry to inform you, you're going to               be without his services for the rest               of the day.                            BENDER                    (to Vernon)               B-O-O H-O-O!                            VERNON               Everything's a big joke, huh Bender?               The false alarm you pulled, Friday,               false alarms are really funny,               aren't they...What if your home,               what if your family...                    (a beat)               ...what if your dope was on fire?                            BENDER               Impossible, sir...It's in Johnson's               underwear...     Andrew laughs.                            VERNON                    (to Andrew)               You think he's funny?  You think               this is cute?  You think he's               bitchin', is that it?  Lemme tell               you something.  Look at him, he's a               bum.                    (to everybody)               You wanna see something funny?  You               go visit John Bender in five years!               You'll see how God damned funny he               is!                    (to Bender)               What's the matter, John?  You gonna               cry?  Let's go...     Vernon grabs Bender's shoulder.                            BENDER               Hey keep your fuckin' hands off me!               I expect better manners from you,               Dick!     Bender takes his sunglasses out of his pocket and lays     them in front of Andrew.                            BENDER               For better hallway vision!     Bender leaves but not before pushing stuff over on the     way.                                                  CUT TO: 21. INT. CLOSET - DAY     Vernon has put Bender in a closet and is in there     talking to him.                            VERNON               That's the last time, Bender.  That's               the last time you ever make me look               bad in front of those kids, do you               hear me?  I make $31,000 dollars a               year and I have a home and I'm not               about to throw it away on some punk               like you...But someday, man, someday.               When you're outta here and you've               forgotten all about this place...               And they've forgotten all about you               and you're wrapped up in your own               pathetic life...I'm gonna be there.               That's right.  And I'm gonna kick               the living shit out of you, man, I'm               gonna knock your dick in the dirt!                            BENDER               Are you threatening me?                            VERNON               What're you gonna do about it?  You               think anybody's gonna believe you?               You think anybody's gonna take your               word over mine?  I'm a man of               respect around here.  They love me               around here, I'm a swell guy...you're               a lying sack of shit!  And everybody               knows it.  Oh, you're a real tough               guy...come on, come on...get on your               feet, pal!  Let's find out how               tough you are!  I wanna know right               now, how tough you are!  Come on!               I'll give you the first punch, let's               go!  Come on, right here, just take               the first shot!  Please, I'm begging               you, take a shot!  Come on, just               take one shot, that's all I need,               just one swing...     Bender just sits there staring at Vernon.  Vernon fakes     a punch and Bender flinches.                            VERNON               That's what I though...you're a               gutless turd!     Vernon leaves and locks the closet door after him.     Bender climbs into a hatch in the ceiling and     disappears.                                                 CUT TO: 22. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY     Bender is slowly crawling through a heating duct.                            BENDER                    (to himself)               A naked blond walks into a bar, with               a poodle under one arm and a two               foot salami under the other.  She               lays the poodle on the table.  Bar-               tender says: "I suppose you won't               be needing a drink."  The naked               lady says...     The ceiling under Bender gives and he falls through.                            BENDER                    (screaming)               Oh shit!!!!                                                  CUT TO: 23. INT. FACILTY BATHROOM - DAY     We see the door to the bathroom.  We hear Vernon     inside.                         VERNON (OS)               Jesus Christ, allmighty!                                                  CUT TO 24. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Bender walks down the stairs.                            BENDER               I forgot my pencil...     We hear Vernon in the hall.                         VERNON (OS)               God damnit!  What in God's name is               going on in here?     Vernon enters.                            VERNON              What was that ruckus?                            ANDREW               Uh, what ruckus?                            VERNON               I was just in my office and I heard               a ruckus!                            BRIAN               Could you describe the ruckus, sir?                            VERNON               Watch your tongue young man, watch               it!     We see Bender under the table by Claire's legs.  He     sits up and bangs his head on the table.  He groans.     Above the table, Andrew and Claire try to take credit     for the noise by making more noise.                            VERNON               What is that?  What, what is that,               what is that noise?     Under the table, Bender looks between Claire's legs and     can see her panties.  He puts his head between Claire's     legs.                            ANDREW               What noise?                            CLAIRE               Really, sir, there wasn't any noise...     Claire squeels.  She squeezes Bender's head between her     knees.     Everyone starts faking a coughing fit.                            CLAIRE                    (flustered)               That noise?  Was that the noise you               were talking about?                            VERNON               No, it wasn't.  That was not the               noise I was talking about.  Now, I               may not have caught you in the act               this time, but you can bet I will.     Allison laughs at Vernon.                            VERNON               You make book on that missy!                    (to Claire)               And you!  I will not be made a fool               of!     He turns and walks away.  We see that he still has the     toilet seat cover stuck to his pants.     Vernon leaves.     Everyone laughs except Claire who lets Bender out to a     barage of slaps.                            BENDER               It was an accident!                           CLAIRE               You're an asshole!                            BENDER               So sue me...     Bender gets up and walks over to Brian.                            BENDER               So, Ahab...Kybo Mein Doobage...     Brian gives Bender his bag of marajuana.  Bender turns     and walks away.                            ANDREW               Yo waistoid...you're not gonna blaze               up in here!     Claire gets up and goes after him.  Then Brian.                            ANDREW               Shit...     Andrew goes.                                                  CUT TO: 25. INT. STAIRS - DAY     We see Vernon go down the stairs.                                                  CUT TO: 26. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Brian, Bender and Claire are sitting in a circle and     laughing hysterically.     Bender lights Claire up and she coughs the smoke out.     Brian laughs at her.  He exhales and tries to eat the     smoke.  He talks in a really weird voice.                            BRIAN               Chicks, cannot hold der smoke!  That's               what it is!                            CLAIRE               Do you know how popular I am?  I'm               so popular, everybody loves me so               much, at this school...                            BENDER               Poor baby.     Brian waves Claire over to him and he falls over.     We see Andrew emerge from a really smokey room.  He     inhales another puff and then starts dancing to     everybody's applause.     He goes back in the room he was in.  He screams and it     shatters the glass in the door.                                                  CUT TO: 27. INT. BASEMENT - DAY     Vernon is glancing through the confidential files in the     school basement.                            VERNON                    (to himself)               Mister, oh mister Tearney...a               history of slight mental illness?               Wooh, no wonder he's so fucked up!     Carl enters.                             CARL               Afternoon, Dick...                            VERNON               Hey Carl, how you doin'?                             CARL               Good...                            VERNON               Good, what's up?                             CARL               Not much, what's happening, what               are you doing in the basement files?                            VERNON               Oh, nothin' nothin' here.  I'm just               doin' a little homework here...                             CARL               Homework, huh?                            VERNON               Yeah...     Carl, laughing, comes over and looks at the files that     Vernon was looking at.                             CARL               Confidential files...hmmm?                            VERNON               Look, Carl...this is a highly               sensitive area and I, I tell you               something...certain people would be               very very embarrassed.  I would really               appreciate it if if if if this would               be something that, that you and I               could keep between us...                             CARL               What're you gonna do for me, man?                            VERNON               Well, well what would you like?                             CARL               Got fifty bucks?                            VERNON               What?                             CARL               Fifty bucks...                                                  CUT TO: 28. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Andrew and Brian laughing.  Allison is hanging     out over by the statue in the back of the library.                            ANDREW               No no man, no; you got a middle               name?                            BRIAN               Yeah, guess...     Allison suddenly takes interest in the conversation and     as she speaks, she moves over and sits next to the two.                           ALLISON               Your middle name is Ralph, as in               puke...     Brian and Andrew look at her in confusion.                           ALLISON               ...your birthday is March 12th,               you're five-nine and a half you               weigh a hundred and thirty pounds               and your social security number is               0-4-9-3-8-0-9-1                    (a beat)               3.     Andrew is impressed.                            ANDREW               Wow!  Are you psychic?                           ALLISON               No...                            BRIAN               Well would you mind telling me how               you know all this about me?     Allison reaches in her bag.                           ALLISON               I stole your wallet...     She produces it in her hands and grins.                            BRIAN               Give it to me...                           ALLISON               No...                            BRIAN               Give it!     Allison reluctantly hands over the wallet and Brian     glances through it to make sure nothing is missing.                            BRIAN               This is great...you're a thief too!               Huh?                           ALLISON               I'm not a thief!                            BRIAN               Multi-talented!                           ALLISON               What's there to steal?  Two bucks               and a beaver shot!                            ANDREW               A what?                          ALLISON               He's got a nudie picture in there!               I saw it, it's perverted!                            ANDREW               Alright, let's see it!     We see Bender, he is brushing his teeth with one of     Claire's cosmetic brushes.     We see Claire looking through Bender's wallet pictures.                            CLAIRE               Are all these your girlfriends?                            BENDER               Some of them...                            CLAIRE               What about the others?                            BENDER               Well, some I consider my girlfriends               and some...I just consider...                            CLAIRE               Consider what?                            BENDER               Whether or not, I wanna hang out               with them...                            CLAIRE               You don't believe in just one guy,               one girl?                            BENDER               Do you?                            CLAIRE               Yeah...that's the way it should be.                            BENDER               Well, not for me...                            CLAIRE               Why not?     Bender clearly doesn't want to answer that.  He acts     defensive.                            BENDER               How come you got so much shit in               your purse?                            CLAIRE               How come you got so many               girlfriends?                            BENDER               I asked you first...                            CLAIRE                    (shrugs)               I dunno...I guess I never throw               anything away.                            BENDER               Neither do I...                            CLAIRE               Oh...     We cut back to where Andrew, Brian and Allison are     sitting, Andrew is looking through Brian's wallet.                            ANDREW               This is the worst fake ID I've ever               seen...     Brian laughs.                            ANDREW               Do you realize you made yourself               sixty eight?                            BRIAN               Oh, I know...I know, I goofed it...                            ANDREW               What do you need a fake ID for?                            BRIAN                    (like it's obvious)               So I can vote!     Allison looks up suddenly.                           ALLISON               You wanna see what's in my bag?                        BRIAN & ANDREW               No!     Allison looks hurt and then resentful.  Just to spite     them, she dumps the contents of her bag onto the couch.     Lots of stuff comes out.                            ANDREW               Holy shit!  What is all that stuff?                            BRIAN               Do you always carry this much shit               in your bag?                           ALLISON               Yeah...I always carry this much shit               ...in my bag...You never know when               you may have to jam...                            BRIAN               Are you gonna be like a shopping               bag lady?  You know like, sit in               alleyways and like talk to buildings               and wear men's shoes and that kinda               thing?                           ALLISON               I'll do what I have to do...                            BRIAN               Why do you have to do anything?                           ALLISON                    (with feeling)               My home life is un...satisfying...                            BRIAN               So you're saying you'd subject               yourself to the violent dangers of               the Chicago streets because your               homelife is unsatisfying?                           ALLISON               I don't have to run away and live               in the street...I can run away and,               go to the ocean, I can go to the               country, I can go to the mountains.               I can go to Israel, Africa,               Afghanistan...     Brian looks at her and then moves over to Andrew.                            BRIAN               Andy...you wanna get in on this?               Allison here says, she wants to run               away, because her home life is               unsatisfying...                            ANDREW               Well everyone's home lives are un-               satisfying...If it wasn't, people               would live with there parents               forever...                            BRIAN               Yeah, yeah I understand.  But I               think that her's goes beyond, you               know, what guys like you and me...               consider normal unsatisfying...                           ALLISON               Nevermind...forget it, everything's               cool!     Allison starts putting everything back in her purse.                            ANDREW               What's the deal?                           ALLISON               No!  There's no deal, Sporto.               Forget it, leave me alone.                            ANDREW               Wait a minute, now you're carrying               all that crap around in your purse.               Either you really wanna run away or               you want people to think you wanna               run away.                           ALLISON               Eat shit!     Allison gets up and walks away.                            BRIAN               The girl is an island, with herself.               Okay?     Andrew gets up and goes after her.                            ANDREW               Hi, you wanna talk?                           ALLISON               No!                            ANDREW               Why not?                           ALLISON               Go away...                            ANDREW               Where do you want me to go?                           ALLISON               GO away!     Andrew turns away and Allison starts to cry.                           ALLISON               You have problems...                            ANDREW               Oh, I have problems?                           ALLISON               You do everything everybody ever               tells you to do, that is a problem!                            ANDREW               Okay, fine...but I didn't dump my               purse out on the couch and invite               people into my problems...Did I?               So what's wrong?  What is it?  Is               is bad?  Real bad?  Parents?     Allison is silently crying.                           ALLISON               Yeah...     Andrew nods.                            ANDREW               What do they do to you?                           ALLISON              They ignore me...                            ANDREW               Yeah...yeah...     They both are crying silently.                                                  CUT TO: 29. INT. BASEMENT - DAY     Vernon and Carl are sitting talking.                            VERNON               What did you want to be when you               were young?                             CARL               When I was a kid, I wanted to be               John Lennon...                            VERNON               Carl don't be a goof!  I'm trying               to make a serious point here...I've               been teaching, for twenty two years,               and each year...these kids get more               and more arrogant.                             CARL               Aw bull shit, man.  Come on Vern,               the kids haven't changed, you have!               You took a teaching position, 'cause               you thought it'd be fun, right?               Thought you could have summer               vacations off...and then you found               out it was actually work...and that               really bummed you out.                            VERNON               These kids turned on me...they think               I'm a big fuckin' joke...                             CARL               Come on...listen Vern, if you were               sixteen, what would you think of               you, huh?                            VERNON               Hey...Carl, you think I give one               rat's ass what these kids think of               me?                             CARL               Yes I do...                            VERNON               You think about this...when you get               old, these kids; when I get old,               they're gonna be runnin' the country.                             CARL               Yeah?                            VERNON               Now this is the thought that wakes               me up in the middle of the night...               That when I get older, these kids               are gonna take care of me...                             CARL               I wouldn't count on it!     Vernon ponders that statement for a moment.                                                  CUT TO: 30. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     They are sitting on the floor in a circle.                            ANDREW               What would I do for a million bucks?               Well, I guess I'd do as little as I               had to...                            CLAIRE               That's boring...                            ANDREW               Well, how'm I s'posed to answer?                            CLAIRE               The idea is to like search your mind               for the absolute limit.  Like, uh,               would you drive to school naked?     Andrew laughs.                            ANDREW               Um, uh...would I have to get out of               the car?                            CLAIRE               Of course...                            ANDREW               In the spring, or winter?                            CLAIRE               It doesn't matter...spring...                            ANDREW               In front of the school or in back               of the school?                            CLAIRE               Either one...                            ANDREW               Yes...                           ALLISON               I'd do that!     They all look at her.                           ALLISON               I'll do anything sexual, I don't               need a million dollars to do it               either...                            CLAIRE               You're lying...                           ALLISON               I already have...I've done just               about everything there is except a               few things that are illegal...I'm a               nymphomaniac!     Claire rolls her eyes.                            CLAIRE               Lie...                            BRIAN               Are your parents aware of this?                           ALLISON               The only person I told was my               shrink...                            ANDREW               And what'd he do when you told him?                           ALLISON               He nailed me...                            CLAIRE               Very nice...                           ALLISON               I don't think that from a legal               standpoint what he did can be               construed as rape since I paid him.                            CLAIRE               He's an adult!     Allison is relishing this attention.                           ALLISON               Yeah...he's married too!     Claire notes her disgust.                            CLAIRE               Do you have any idea how completely               gross that is?                           ALLISON               Well, the first few times...                            CLAIRE               First few times?  You mean he did it               more than once?                           ALLISON               Sure...                            CLAIRE               Are you crazy?                            BRIAN               Obviously she's crazy if she's               screwing her shrink...                           ALLISON                    (to Claire)               Have you ever done it?                            CLAIRE               I don't even have a psychiatrist...                           ALLISON               Have you ever done it with a normal               person?                            CLAIRE               Now, didn't we already cover this?                            BENDER               You never answered the question...                            CLAIRE               Look, I'm not gonna discuss my           ��   private life with total strangers.                           ALLISON               It's kind of a double-edged sword,               isn't it?                            CLAIRE               A what?                           ALLISON               Well, if you say you haven't...               you're a prude.  If you say you               have...you're a slut!  It's a trap.               You want to but you can't but when               you do you wish you didn't, right?                            CLAIRE               Wrong...                           ALLISON               Or, are you a tease?                            ANDREW               She's a tease...                            CLAIRE               Oh why don't you just forget it...                            ANDREW               You're a tease and you know it, all               girls are teases!                            BENDER                    (to Andrew)               She's only a tease if what she does               gets you hot...                            CLAIRE               I don't do anything!                           ALLISON               That's why you're a tease...                            CLAIRE               Okay, lemme ask you a few questions.     Allison is suddenly defensive.                           ALLISON               I've already told you everything!                            CLAIRE               No!  Doesn't it bother you to sleep               around without being in love.  I               mean don't you want any respect?                           ALLISON               I don't screw to get respect...That's               the difference between you and me...                            CLAIRE               Not the only difference, I hope.                            BENDER               Face it, you're a tease.                            CLAIRE               I'm not a tease!                            BENDER               Sure you are!  You said it yourself               sex is a weapon, you use it to get               respect!                            CLAIRE               No, I never said that, she twisted               my words around.                            BENDER               Oh then what do you use it for?                            CLAIRE               I don't use it period!     Claire is on the verge of tears.                            BENDER               Oh, are you medically frigid or is               it psychological?                            CLAIRE               I didn't mean it that way!  You guys               are putting words into my mouth!                            BENDER               Well if you'd just answer the               question...                            BRIAN               Why don't you just answer the               question?                            ANDREW               Be honest...                            BENDER               No big deal...                            BRIAN               Yeah, answer it!                            ANDREW               Answer the question, Claire!                            BENDER               Talk to us!                       ANDREW & BRIAN               Come on, answer the question!                            BENDER               It's easy, it's only one question!     Claire silences all of them by screaming.                            CLAIRE                    (screaming)               No!  I never did it!     Silence for two beats.                           ALLISON               I never did it either, I'm not a               nymphomaniac...I'm a compulsive               liar...                            CLAIRE               You are such a bitch!  You did that               on purpose just to fuck me over!                           ALLISON               I would do it though...If you love               someone it's okay...                            CLAIRE               I can't believe you, you're so               weird.  You don't say anything all               day and then when you open your               mouth...you unload all these               tremendous lies all over me!                            ANDREW               You're just pissed off because she               got you to admit something you didn't               want to admit to...                            CLAIRE               Okay, fine, but that doesn't make it               any less bizarre...                            ANDREW               What's bizarre?  I mean we're all               pretty bizarre!  Some of us are just               better at hiding it, that's all.                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               How are you bizarre?     Allison decides to field that question.                           ALLISON               He can't think for himself...                            ANDREW               She's right...do you guys know what,               uh, what I did to get in here?  I               taped Larry Lester's buns together.     Claire laughs.                            BRIAN                    (to Andrew)               That was you?                           ANDREW                    (to Brian)               Yeah, you know him?                            BRIAN               Yeah, I know him...                            ANDREW               Well then you know how hairy he is,               right?  Well, when they pulled the               tape off, most of his hair came off               and some, some skin too...                            CLAIRE               Oh my God...                            ANDREW               And the bizarre thing is, is that               I did it for my old man...I               tortured this poor kid, because I               wanted him to think that I was cool.               He's always going off about, you               know, when he was in school...all               the wild things he used to do.  And               I got the feeling that he was               disappointed that I never cut loose               on anyone, right...So, I'm...I'm               sitting in the locker room, and I'm               taping up my knee.  And Larry's               undressing a couple lockers down               from me.  Yeah...he's kinda...               he's kinda skinny, weak.  And I               started thinking about my father,               and his attitude about weakness.               And the next thing I knew, I uh, I               jumped on top of him and started               wailing on him...And my friends,               they just laughed and cheered me on.               And afterwards, when I was sittin'               in Vernon's office, all I could               think about was Larry's father. And               Larry havin' to go home and...and               explain what happened to him.  And               the humiliation...fucking               humiliation he mustuv felt.  It               mustuv been unreal...I mean,                    (he's crying)               I mean, how do you apologize for               something like that?  There's no               way...it's all because of me and               my old man.  Oh God, I fucking hate               him!  He's like this...he's like               this mindless machine that I can't               even relate to anymore..."Andrew,               you've got to be number one!  I               won't tolerate any losers in this               family...Your intensity is for shit!               Win.  Win!  WIN!!!"  You son of a               bitch!  You know, sometimes, I wish               my knee would give...and I wouldn't               be able to wrestle anymore.  And he               could forget all about me...                            BENDER               I think your old man and my old man               should get together and go bowling.     Andrew laughs briefly.                            BRIAN               It's like me, you know, with my               grades...like, when I, when I               step outside myself kinda, and               when I, when I look in at myself               you know?  And I see me and I don't               like what I see, I really don't.                            CLAIRE               What's wrong with you?  Why don't               you like yourself?                            BRIAN               'Cause I'm stupid...'cause I'm failing               shop.  See we had this assignment,               to make this ceramic elephant, and               um...and we had eight weeks to do               it and we're s'posed ta, and it was               like a lamp, and when you pull the               trunk the light was s'posed to go               on...my light didn't go on, I got a               F on it.  Never got a F in my life...               When I signed up, you know, for the               course I mean.  I thought I was               playing it real smart, you know.               'Cause I thought, I'll take shop,               it'll be such an easy way to               maintain my grade point average...                            BENDER               Why'd you think it'd be easy?                            BRIAN               Have you seen some of the dopes that               take shop?                            BENDER               I take shop...you must be a fuckin'               idiot!                            BRIAN               I'm a fuckin' idiot because I can't               make a lamp?                            BENDER               No, you're a genius because you               can't make a lamp...                            BRIAN               What do you know about Trigonometry?                            BENDER               I could care less about               Trigonometry...                            BRIAN               Bender, did you know without               Trigonometry there'd be no               engineering?                            BENDER               Without lamps, there'd be no light!                            CLAIRE              Okay so neither one of you is any               better than the other one...     Allison feels left out.                           ALLISON               I can write with my toes!  I can               also eat, brush my teeth...                            CLAIRE               With your feet?                           ALLISON               ...play Heart & Soul on the piano.                            BRIAN               I can make spaghetti!                            CLAIRE                    (to Andrew)               What can you do?                            ANDREW               I can...uh...tape all your buns               together...                            BENDER               I wanna see what Claire can do!                            CLAIRE               I can't do anything.                            BENDER               Now, everybody can do something...                            CLAIRE               There's one thing I can do, no               forget it, it's way too embarrassing.                            BENDER               You ever seen Wild Kingdom?  I mean               that guy's been doing that show for               thirty years.                            CLAIRE               Okay, but you have to swear to God               you won't laugh...I can't believe               I'm actually doing this...     Claire takes lipstick out and opens it.  She places it     between her breasts and applies it from her cleavage.     When she lifts her head, her lipstick is perfect.      Everyone claps.  Bender's clap is sarcastic and slow.                            ANDREW               All right, great!  Where'd you learn               to do that?                            CLAIRE               Camp, seventh grade...                            BENDER               That was great, Claire...my image of               you is totally blown...                           ALLISON               You're a shit!  Don't do that to her               you swore to God you wouldn't laugh!                            BENDER               Am I laughing?                            ANDREW               You fucking prick!     Bender turns to Andrew.  As he speaks, we can see his     words hitting home.                            BENDER               What do you care what I think,               anyway?  I don't even count, right?               I could disappear forever and it               wouldn't make any difference...I may               as well not even exist at this               school, remember?                    (he turns to Claire)               And you...don't like me anyway!                            CLAIRE               You know, I have just as many               feelings as you do and it hurts               just as much when somebody steps               all over them!                            BENDER               God, you're so pathetic!                    (furious)               Don't you ever...ever!  Compare               yourself to me!  Okay?  You got               everything, and I got shit!  Fuckin'               Rapunzel, right?  School would               probably fucking shut down if you               didn't show up!  "Queenie isn't               here!"  I like those earrings Claire.                            CLAIRE                    (quietly)               Shut up...                            BENDER               Are those real diamonds, Claire?                            CLAIRE                    (angry)               Shut up!                    BENDER                       CLAIRE          I bet they are...did you          work, for the money               Shut...          for those earrings?                   Your mouth!                            BENDER               Or did your daddy buy those?                            CLAIRE                    (furious)               Shut up!     Claire starts crying.                            BENDER               I bet he bought those for you!  I               bet those are a Christmas gift!               Right?  You know what I got for               Christmas this year?  It was a               banner fuckin' year at the old               Bender family!  I got a carton of               cigarettes.  The old man grabbed me               and said "Hey!  Smoke up Johnny!"               Okay, so go home'n cry to your               daddy, don't cry here, okay?     There are a few beats.                            ANDREW               My God, are we gonna be like our               parents?                            CLAIRE               Not me...ever...                           ALLISON               It's unavoidable, it just happens.                            CLAIRE               What happens?                           ALLISON               When you grow up, your heart dies.                            BENDER               Who cares?     Allison is on the verge of tears herself.                           ALLISON               I care...                            BRIAN               Um, I was just thinking, I mean.  I               know it's kind of a weird time, but               I was just wondering, um, what is               gonna happen to us on Monday?  When               we're all together again?  I mean I               consider you guys my friends, I'm               not wrong, am I?                            ANDREW               No...                            BRIAN               So, so on Monday...what happens?                            CLAIRE               Are we still friends, you mean?               If we're friends now, that is?                            BRIAN               Yeah...                            CLAIRE               Do you want the truth?                            BRIAN               Yeah, I want the truth...                            CLAIRE               I don't think so...                           ALLISON               Well, do you mean all of us or just               John?                            CLAIRE               With all of you...                            ANDREW               That's a real nice attitude, Claire!                            CLAIRE               Oh, be honest, Andy...if Brian came               walking up to you in the hall on               Monday, what would you do?  I mean               picture this, you're there with all               the sports.  I know exactly what               you'd do, you'd say hi to him and               when he left you'd cut him all up               so your friends wouldn't think you               really liked him!                            ANDREW               No way!                           ALLISON               'Kay, what if I came up to you?                            CLAIRE               Same exact thing!                            BENDER                    (furious and screaming at Claire)               You are a bitch!                            CLAIRE               Why?  'Cause I'm telling the truth,               that makes me a bitch?                            BENDER               No!  'Cause you know how shitty that               is to do to someone!  And you don't               got the balls to stand up to your               friends and tell 'em that you're               gonna like who you wanna like!                            CLAIRE               Okay, what about you, you hypocrite!               Why don't you take Allison to one of               your heavy metal vomit parties?  Or               take Brian out to the parking lot at               lunch to get high?  What about Andy               for that matter, what about me?               What would your friends say if we               were walking down the hall together.               They'd laugh their asses off and               you'd probably tell them you were               doing it with me so they'd forgive               you for being seen with me.                            BENDER                    (furious once again)               Don't you ever talk about my               friends!  You don't know any of my               friends, you don't look at any of my               friends and you certainly wouldn't               condescend to speak to any of my               friends so you just stick to the               things you know, shopping, nail               polish, your father's BMW and your               poor--rich--drunk mother in the               Carribean!                            CLAIRE                    (furious and sobbing)               Shut up!                            BENDER               And as far as being concerned about               what's gonna happen when you and I               walk down the hallways at school,               you can forget it!  'Cause it's never               gonna happen!  Just bury your head               in the sand...and wait for your               fuckin' prom!                            CLAIRE               I hate you!                            BENDER               Yeah?  Good!     There is silence until Brian speaks.                            BRIAN               Then I assume Allison and I are               better people than you guys, huh?               Us weirdos...                    (to Allison)               Do you, would you do that to me?                           ALLISON               I don't have any friends...                            BRIAN               Well if you did?                           ALLISON               No...I don't think the kind of               friends I'd have would mind...                            BRIAN               I just wanna tell, each of you,               that I wouldn't do that...I wouldn't               and I will not!  'Cause I think that's               real shitty...                            CLAIRE               Your friends wouldn't mind because               they look up to us...     Brian laughs at her.                            BRIAN               You're so conceited, Claire.  You're               so conceited.  You're so, like, full               of yourself, why are you like that?                            CLAIRE                    (crying again)               I'm not saying that to be conceited!               I hate it!  I hate having to go               along with everything my friends say!                            BRIAN               Well then why do you do it?                            CLAIRE               I don't know, I don't...you don't               understand..you don't.  You're not               friends with the same kind of people               that Andy and I are friends with!               You know, you just don't understand               the pressure that they can put on               you!     Brian is shocked.                            BRIAN               I don't understand what?  You think               I don't understand pressure, Claire?               Well fuck you!  Fuck you!     Brian hides his head in his arm because he is crying.                            BRIAN               Know why I'm here today?  Do you?               I'm here because Mr. Ryan found a               gun in the locker...                            ANDREW               Why'd you have a gun in your locker?                            BRIAN               I tried.  You pull the fuckin' trunk               on it and the light's s'posed to go               on...and it didn't go on, I mean,               I...                            ANDREW               What's the gun for Brian?                            BRIAN               Just forget it...                            ANDREW               You brought it up, man!                            BRIAN               I can't have an F, I can't have it               and I know my parents can't have it!               Even if I aced the rest of the               semester, I'm still only a B.  And               everything's ruined for me!                            CLAIRE                    (with pity)               Oh Brian...     Brian bashes a chair over.                            BRIAN               So I considered my options, you               know?                            CLAIRE               No!  Killing yourself is not an               option!                            BRIAN               Well I didn't do it, did I?  No, I               don't think so!                           ALLISON               It was a hand gun?                            BRIAN               No, it was a flare gun, went off               in my locker.                            ANDREW               Really?     Andrew starts to laugh.                            BRIAN               It's not funny...     They all start to laugh, including Brian.                            BRIAN               Yes it is...fuckin' elephant was               destroyed!                           ALLISON               You wanna know what I did to get in               here?  Nothing...I didn't have               anything better to do.     Everyone laughs.                           ALLISON               You're laughing at me...                            ANDREW               No!     Allison starts to laugh too.                           ALLISON               Yeah you are!                                                  CUT TO: 31. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Later.     We see Brian putting a record on and then music starts.     We see them all dancing.  This goes on for the duration     of the song.                                                  CUT TO: 32. INT. HEATING DUCT - DAY     We see Bender crawling back through the heating duct.                                                  CUT TO: 33. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Andrew, Allison, Claire and Brian are sitting, in that     order on the railing.                            CLAIRE               Brian?                            BRIAN               Yeah?                            CLAIRE               Are you gonna write your paper?                            BRIAN               Yeah, why?                            CLAIRE               Well, it's kinda a waste for all of               us to write our paper, don't you               think?                            BRIAN               Oh, but that's what Vernon wants us               to do...                            CLAIRE               True, but I think we'd all kinda               say the same thing.                            BRIAN               You just don't want to write your               paper...Right?                            CLAIRE               True, but, you're the smartest,               right?                            BRIAN                    (with pride)               Oh, well...                            CLAIRE               We trust you...     Brian glances over at Allison and Andrew who nod in     approval.                            ANDREW               Yeah...                            BRIAN               All right, I'll do it...                            CLAIRE               Great...     Claire looks at Allison who looks back.                            CLAIRE                    (to Allison)               Come on...                           ALLISON               Where're we going?                            CLAIRE               Come on!     We see Claire putting eye make-up on Allison.                            CLAIRE               Don't be afraid.                           ALLISON               Don't stick that in my eye!                            CLAIRE               I'm not sticking it, just close...               just go like that...     Claire closes her eyes.  Allison mimics her.                            CLAIRE               Good...     Claire puts the make-up on her and Allison squeals.                            CLAIRE               You know you really do look a lot               better without all that black shit               on your eyes...                           ALLISON               Hey...I like that black shit...                            CLAIRE               This looks a lot better...look up.     We see Brian thinking about what he's going to write.     We see Andrew just thinking.     We see Allison and Claire again.  Claire is still     putting make-up on Allison.                           ALLISON               Please, why're you being so nice to               me?                            CLAIRE               'Cause you're letting me.     We see Brian begin to write.     We see Andrew, still deep in thought.                                                  CUT TO: 34. INT. CLOSET - DAY     We see Bender, in the closet once again.  Claire opens     the door and enters.                            BENDER               You lost?     Claire stares at him.     Bender smiles.     Claire smiles.                                                  CUT TO: 35. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     Brian is busily preparing the essay.     Andrew looks up and sees the newly made over Allison     and is in awe.     Allison walks towards him and stops when she notices     Brian staring at her with his mouth open.     She glares at him.                            BRIAN               Cool!                           ALLISON                    (smiling)               Thank you!                                                  CUT TO: 36. INT. CLOSET - DAY     Claire kisses Bender, then she breaks the kiss.                            BENDER               Why'd you do that?                            CLAIRE               'Cause I knew you wouldn't.                            BENDER               You know how you said before, how               your parents used you to get back               at each other...wouldn't I be               outstanding in that capacity?                            CLAIRE               Were you really disgusted about               what I did with my lipstick?                            BENDER               Truth?                            CLAIRE               Truth...     Bender nods and speaks at the same time.                            BENDER               No...                                                  CUT TO: 37. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Brian lift up his paper and kiss it.     We see Andrew and Allison.                            ANDREW               What happened to you?                           ALLISON        Why?  Claire did it!  What's wrong?                            ANDREW               Nothing's wrong, it's just so               different.  I can see your face.                           ALLISON               Is that good or bad?                            ANDREW                    (laughing)               It's good!     Allison smiles.     We see Brian laugh and give himself a congratulatory     punch in the arm.                                                  CUT TO: 38. INT. HALLWAY - DAY     The five are walking down the hall where they are met     by Carl, sweeping up.  Brian nods at him.                             CARL               See ya Brian...                            BRIAN               Hey Carl...                            BENDER                    (to Carl)               See you next Saturday...                             CARL               You bet!                                                  CUT TO: 39. EXT. PARKING LOT - DAY     Brian gets into his dad’s car and leaves.     Andrew and Allison kiss, Allison rips a patch off     Andrew’s jacket and gets into the car.     Andrew's dad arrives and looks at him, then at Allison.    Andrew gets into the car and they drive off.     We see Claire take out one of her diamond earrings     and put it into Benders hand.  They kiss and she gets     into her car.  She leaves.     We see Bender put the earring in his ear.                                                  CUT TO: 40. INT. LIBRARY - DAY     We see Vernon pick up Brian's essay and begin to read.                          BRIAN (VO)               Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact               that we had to sacrifice a whole               Saturday in detention for whatever               it was we did wrong.  But we think               you're crazy to make an essay               telling you who we think we are.               You see us as you want to see us...               In the simplest terms, in the most               convenient definitions.                                                  CUT TO: 41. EXT. FOOTBALL FIELD - DAY     We see Bender walking towards us as Brian's monologue     continues.                          BRIAN (VO)                    (CONT'D)               But what we found out is that each               one of us is a brain...                        ANDREW (VO)               ...and an athlete...                         ALLISON (VO)               ...and a basket case...                         CLAIRE (VO)               ...a princess...                         BENDER (VO)               ...and a criminal...                          BRIAN (VO)               Does that answer your question?               Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.     We see Bender walking across the football field     as he thrusts his fist into the air in a silent cheer     and freezes there.                      The Breakfast Club                             Starring...          Andrew Clark.............Emilio Estevez          Richard Vernon...........Paul Gleason          Brian Johnson............Anthony Michael Hall          Carl.....................John Kapelos          John Bender..............Judd Nelson          Claire Standish..........Molly Ringwald          Allison Reynolds.........Ally Sheedy