Expanded thoughts & a theory
(Initially one of my blog posts on another account)
What if Aziraphale and Crowley can only feel the other’s love while they’re on Earth, but Crowley doesn’t realize it’s love?
That’s why Crowley couldn’t feel the love that Aziraphale was describing in Tadfield. It was emanating FROM Crowley.
And Crowley believed he wasn’t able to feel love or be loved. The Fall had made him unforgivable, unlovable, untethered.
When Aziraphale discorporated and went to heaven, Crowley KNEW he was gone. Aziraphale would NEVER let his bookshop burn, and Crowley couldn’t FEEL him any more. He realized the intensity of Aziraphale’s feelings when they were no longer present.
Too late. It’s always too late.
Aziraphale had been on Earth since the beginning. Crowley was always there. They both experienced the rise of civilizations, the human population growing to unimaginable numbers (they did, after all, multiply like humans). Aziraphale believed the love that he felt growing all that time was due to population increase - more humans, more love in the world. The more love surrounding him, right?
They both had a fear of what being a them meant, and the danger that truly being together might pose from heaven and from hell. Crowley always spoke of running off together because he knows the danger of remaining on Earth and being what they are to each other all the time, in the open, without fear.
You can’t leave this bookshop.
You can’t leave me.
Maybe they could be an us, on Earth.
In the end (for now), after the attempted verbal expression of his feelings, Crowley did something that had taken eternity (so far) to break through. Something they had learned from humanity, a way to express themselves as what they were to each other in an Earthly way.
But it’s too late. It’s always too late.
Aziraphale had known that he been drawn Crowley for a long time, but it took more time to realize just how strong their connection was. He knew they couldn’t be together. An angel and a demon are on opposite sides, and neither of their head offices would allow for anything more.
They were hereditary enemies.
Did he understand what had happened in the last few years? Some of it, but other parts… well...
But he had to leave. To protect Crowley. The protect them.
When Aziraphale took the elevator to heaven, he wasn’t able to FEEL Crowley any more. It was the first time he had felt that absence. He’d been discorporated and found Crowley. His prior brief visits to heaven were not goodbyes. He knew he’d be back. Now… he doesn’t know when he’ll return to Earth, to Crowley, and the absence envelops him.
But it won’t last forever… will it?
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every time my best friend doesn’t pick up my call, i die a teeny tiny lil bit
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i feel like i'm losing her.
why do i feel like i'm losing my best friend... she's barely talking to me. i know she's under so much stress rn and i can't bear to be another source of stress to her. i'm being as supportive and encouraging to her as i can be but there's nothing else i can do to help her and i wish i could. i just have to give her the space she needs. and i can't bring up my own bullshit bc i love her too much to be a burden to her rn.
edit: FUUUUCKK. she’s talking about maybe moving away now… i can’t fucking deal fuckfuxkfuckfujc help aughh
ac: Adrian Swancar (@a_d_s_w)
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Hi there ! It’s me, Sunny ! And the rest of my friends. We’ve come back for all you puppet guys, gals, and nonbinary pals ! Now, I just have to figure out how this "tumblr" thingy works.. it’s been a long time, and I hardly know how these apps work! Haha ! Anywho, see you all soon !
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