#Zaknafein/reader

[grymghoul]

I think ZAKNAFEIN would appreciate a good, old fashioned blowjob. Like head against his thigh, suckling all sweet and lazy. He'll pet your hair and suck a breath between his teeth, he'll tell you how good you feel and you're so good at making him feel good. He's spent his whole life groveling to every drow woman in his life. Now he's got a pretty someone on their knees for him. The sight alone almost makes him come down your throat.

[silvercrucifixes]

Late posting, but! Drew some characters from Legend of Drizzt!

[mightymusicmage]

Zaknafein x Fem!Reader

Warnings: suggestiveness, a kiss, romantic relationship

A/N: Please be kind as this is my first time writing for Zaknafein, so it might be a little ooc.

No Beta we die like House DeVir 🙃

🚫MINORS DNI🚫

You and Zaknafein had been seeing each other in secret for some time now and you decided you wanted to do something special this tenday.

You had heard through a friend that the dwarves they traded with had heard of a human tradition celebrated at this time called Saint Valentine’s Festival- a celebration of love and romance. So naturally you decided to copy the tradition.

You made sure to leave a glow rock and note for Zak to find and that night waited in your finest nightwear for him to come to you.

However, instead of a pleased expression, Zak wore one of anger and fury when he finally did arrive.

“What foolishness is this Y/N?” he demanded, holding up the note.

“It was meant as a romantic gesture,” You explained- perplexed by his attitude.

“Romantic? There is no room for romance here!” Zaknafein exclaimed. “Do you know what Matron Malice would do if she were to find out about us? What she would do to you if she knew about this ‘romantic gesture’? Anyone could have found this note in my place!”

You winced at his words- cursing your stupidity. “I’m sorry Zak, I just wanted to do something nice for us-I never intended to do anything that would have ruined this.”

Zak pinched the bridge of his nose. “Y/N…”

“It won’t happen again, I swear it.” You promise, looking down at your feet. “You- you can leave if you desire.”

“Y/N,” Zak stepped closer- his tone uncharacteristically soft. “All I desire is that you are kept safe.”

He intertwined his fingers with yours.

“I could not bear it if you were to be punished or killed.”

You look up into his crimson orbs.

“So you are not angry with me?” You asked.

“No.” Zak chuckled. “I can not stay angry with the female I love.”

Love.

Your heart fluttered in your chest.

“Zak,”

“Hmm?”

“Will you stay with me this night?” You asked shyly.

Zak’s chest rumbled with a laugh. “If that is what you desire.”

You nodded.

Zak grinned before leaning in and capturing your lips in his.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@doeeyedelleth @anakinsafterlife

[rukafais]

a quick guide to less accessible drizzt sidestories + some other ones

A lot of Drizzt sidestories are in the Collected Stories but NOT ALL OF THEM, which is REALLY ANNOYING, and NOBODY HAS EVER ACTUALLY RECORDED ALL THE LOCATIONS, SO HERE IS MY QUICK AND DIRTY POST ABOUT IT.

Empty Joys - Sellswords-era short story that gives some backstory about where Jarlaxle picked up Piter and why Piter is so grateful to him. Jarlaxle and Artemis shenanigans. Fun fact, Jarlaxle has a cane in this one! Can be found in several places I think, but my source was Best of the Realms vol 1. (Needs archive.org account to borrow.)

One-Eyed Jax - Jarlaxle tries to solve the mystery of the kind of weapon that could sink several ships off the Sword Coast and get away with it. Contains several references to Waterdeep Dragon Heist. Generations-era. Audible exclusive; audiobook-only.

Barnes and Noble, as part of an exclusivity deal, had three short stories commissioned that only appear in Barnes and Noble copies of the Generations books. Fuck that. Here they are. (These are not my scans, they are from another discord server.)

This collection contains:

Body and Soul - Grandmaster Kane short story about his first ascension.

The State of Oneness - CONTAINS SPOILERS FOR RELENTLESS. Grandmaster Kane discusses ascension with Mistress Savahn while some other stuff happens to Drizzt. Don't worry about it.

The World About Us - Zaknafein and Jarlaxle short story. 'Bonding moments over parkour' is how I'd describe this one.

OTHER STUFF:

Rite of Blood - Liriel prequel. Deals with her blooding and becoming a 'proper drow'. Can be found in several places, but it's easiest to find in Best of the Realms vol 1 online. (Needs an archive.org account.)

Answered Prayers - Liriel epilogue, takes place some time after Windwalker. I couldn't find this fucking anywhere because the book that contains it no longer seems to be in print, so I had to resort to less legal methods, but maybe American readers can find it secondhand?? Contained in Best of the Realms vol 3.

[eivorx]

"Noble," Eivor murmured after a moment, though he didn't wish to diminish Freydis' words of inspiration. She seemed very set on her beliefs, having only seen a small part of Aetheron's power and destruction. "Even if Aetheron took over Iskaldrik, they freed everyone in the mines. Not out of the goodness of their hearts, but those who were set free might have seen it a different way." Eivor had considered this before, that former captives of Iskaldrik could've easily joined Aetheron – spilling secrets, knowledge. In fact, Eivor was certain of it. "You speak like you're still a Jarl." It was mostly said to poke fun, but he could hear the tonal differences, the structure of how she pieced together everything she wished to say. Eivor couldn't relate. He said what he felt in the moment, a luxury he'd never had before. Affection – she'd brought up the word, and perhaps that was what Eivor could attach such a feeling to. "It was not just affection," he finally said, tilting his head. "Kinship. Friendship. That affection came after." But he wasn't a noble person, not like Freydis. It was anger that drove his steps. "But if you wish to defend me, then I would ask you to not."

"Yes, like the veil. The world of spirits." He remembered it fondly, perhaps one of the few things that could soften the hardened look in Eivor's blue eyes. The dragon couldn't reach such a place anymore, no matter how hard he tried. "It's where I bonded myself to Zaknafein. You know him as Nikandros, but Nik is who carries him, now. I knew them both, love them both, yet still, even in their presence, I cannot reach this place. Not anymore," his voice got quieter, a solace that he couldn't put into words gone from his grasp. At times, he thought he felt glimpses of it within Freydis' cabin, but it was so new, the dragon wasn't sure if it was just his desperation bleeding into his new connection with the veilmaiden. Eivor remained silent for a few moments, but he gave a half smile, despite her worry, "I am hard to kill, Freydis."

"Find the rest? And ruin how they have kept themselves hidden? No. It would be worse for me to do that." Eivor knew he was the one who stuck out. He'd known there were others, but keeping such captive animals together would've only fueled a larger desire to leave. "If they wish to find me, I believe they could. Most of my memories within the Archon's home are...unreliable. Violent. I was a prize, not a participant." Freydis spoke of the three, but once again, the dragon wished he had a better grip on what he knew. Yet she trailed off, some sort of realization hitting her, and Eivor was no mind reader, "What did they bring out?" He snorted slightly at her final idea, splashing water at her with a small, cocky grin, "You were right in understanding that I will decline." He used her formal word instead of a lazy one, as he would do. Despite his words, his expression was semi-relaxed, "You have to fight for what you want, not take on the world's problems. Or you will never get a chance to live a quiet life."

Years of tutelage under Ormir’s perceptive eye, and the necessity to learn to navigate the court as both woman and teenager, had taught Freydis to read subtleties in expression and unspoken words when she truly paid attention. With Eivor, this had become easy at times. Surely she couldn’t always intuit what he was thinking or feeling, but in this moment the question of why was as clear to her as if he had actually spoken it. “A great portion of my drive to make some sort of difference in this war is the innocent blood Aetheron has spilled. Another great portion is because of what was done to you, and to ensure they have no recourse to do it again,” she began to explain. She did not mention she felt that perhaps the first innocents the Aetherian coup transgressed were Eivor and his draconic counterpoints, but he might read that as pity and that wasn’t her intention. “Additionally, I think I also told you after what I witnessed in the veil the first time, the quiet piece and richness of those lives, even in their mundanity–I chose to come back to fight in the hope everyone have a chance to carve out a place for themselves in a safe, stable world. Including you.” She was staring off now, eyes unfocused as they often were when she spoke about what she had seen elsewhere in the weave. “And you know also know I actually feel affection for you, don’t you?” It wasn’t lost on her that he might not. “You said you would defend me first–I assume some of the reasons that led you to say that are the same as my own.” 

Freydis was focused on him again when he answered. Per usual, she did not rush him to collect his thoughts and she tried not to push him to elaborate much further than he had already taken lengths to. But she wanted to understand him, too. “Like the veil?” she asked, her brows upturned slightly. She wondered when he might tire of explaining everything to her simple, human mind developed into something so empty and lacking under restrictive Iskaran law. It was strange to her to think that something as powerful as a dragon felt there was nowhere safe to it. Then, her heart sank as she thought of his forced shift and so many of the allies he may have thought he could come to count on turning against him in an instant. Before she could think any better of it, she heard her voice quietly assert, “I was afraid the rest of the party might kill you after Kansaldi…” She cut the thought off as soon as she recovered herself. 

She was unsure if she felt pleased or patronized by his expression and speech, but regardless of what it was she frowned slightly and the color in her cheeks rose visibly before she looked away from him. “Not exactly,” she responded, her answer perhaps more genuine than this question demanded. “But I’m still somewhat certain that if I tried to get you to agree to let me help you again, you would decline. So I’ll take whatever information I can get on the matter as it comes.” Freydis knew she might be more of a liability than an asset still, though, especially while Nintra Siotta loomed for dominion over her corporeal form. She glanced at their brushing shoulders, the red only now draining from her cheeks. “Why not try to find the rest now?” she asked. Before, she could understand why it wasn’t worth the risk, and she didn’t necessarily think Eivor had little reason to choose not to now either. “I suppose I met three,” she responded, thinking aloud, “but that was different. They were very…” She couldn’t think of a correct word, so she simply lifted her hands and wriggled her fingers at him. “They had no interest in being covert or disguising themselves, especially in bringing out–” Freydis’ silence was instant, her eyes wide in sudden alarm and realization that the dragon killed in that encounter had been abducted and suffered a past similar to Eivor’s. She became smaller, tensed, but somehow more present with a fury and determination clearly at work behind her eyes. “We need to figure out how to suss them out and kill them…” Her fury often dulled if not extinguished her sensibilities.

[thepioden]

I let an e-reader read fics and ebooks my library doesn't have an audio version of to me.

Friends. The Dark Elf Trilogy does not go any better than The Silmarillion did.

[lawful-evil-novelist]

A modern AU sounds cool! Who out of the knife polycule do you think would adjust to modern life the fastest? What kind of real world jobs and hobbies do you think they might have?

Honestly if you isekai-ed anyone of the knife polycule into modern day we all know Jarlaxle would be the fastest to adapt. It's functionally the best tool in his arsenal.

And the knife polycule happens to be what I focused most on when constructing the AU, ironically. I was focused most on Artemis' storyline when constructing it initially so a lot of focus went into Jarlaxle and his entourage. I'm about to ramble so for everyone's sake I'll stick this in a read more.

As a real quick setup of how the Modern AU works: It's still Faerun, but moved forwards to where there's modern technology. I centered most of the concept in Silverymoon, since it's close enough to Menzoberranzan and Mithral Hall that you could, conceivably, see how those three places could eventually become functionally sister cities as time wears on.

Jarlaxle mostly lives surface-side but keeps a dedicated apartment in Menzoberranzan whenever he visits home, which is almost never so that's where Kimmuriel lives while at university. Technically, he's still old money via his family but he is, in fact, working, mostly to keep from getting bored. House Baenre I imagine plays a lot of politics so Jarlaxle has to keep up some level of propriety and attend at least a few public events, but I also imagine he prefers his own ventures. One of those being that he runs a few high-end nightclubs in Menzo and Silverymoon, which gave me the opportunity to keep the names of the two bars he canonically owns: The One-Eyed Jax and the Oozing Myconid. Since he lives in Silverymoon most of the time, he has friends mind the Oozing Myconid while he's away.

I like to think outside of his work, Jarlaxle's canon interest in fashion holds true, he is regularly the best-dressed person in the room. I think he has an interest in music, and I also think Jarlaxle just likes to read really pulpy romance novels.

I mentioned Kimmuriel is in university in Menzoberranzan, most probably because K'yorl wants to keep an eye on him and make sure he's not doing anything he's not supposed to. Living off-campus is probably the most freedom he's gotten in awhile. As for a job itself, Kimmuriel probably works at a library, his friendship with Jarlaxle is mostly through their families, and it's definitely how they met. Kimmuriel, like Jarlaxle, probably has family obligations too, but much more academic ones. Kimmuriel probably keeps a meticulous calendar, and at least once every two months there's a lecture by his mother or a sibling or someone his mother mentioned in conversation that Kimmuriel knows he's expected to attend.

As for hobbies, I think Kimmuriel is an avid reader with a wide interest in genres. I also imagine he likes puzzles and trivia games. You could say he has old man hobbies but Kimmuriel strikes me as the type that would tag along to a nightclub because Jarlaxle and Rai'gy want to go, not because he wants to go.

Zaknafein...Well aside from whatever's going on between him, Malice, and the polyandry agreement from hell, he's the bar manager at the One-Eyed Jax. This is really good for him because he gets time to himself that Malice can't argue about because he's making money. This is also bad for him because the front of house manager is Arathis Hune, and a modern AU does not mean either of them like each other. There is a position at the One-Eyed Jax called the Bar Minder and they are just there to keep Zak and Arathis from trying to shank each other in the middle of a shift. They will, and Jarlaxle has quickly learned he is not a sufficient deterrent to serve as a shield. He has the stitches to prove it too. It was an interesting emergency room visit.

Zaknafein's athleticism had to go somewhere and I'm not totally sure about everything but I wanna say he kickboxes at the bare minimum. I also imagine he likes strategy games like chess, something he and Kimmuriel have in common and is one of the few things they bond over.

Artemis, meanwhile, starts off this AU living in a poorer section of Silverymoon, working odd jobs for under the table money, not all of which are legal. When he meets Jarlaxle, that turns into being that Bar Minder because turns out an effective fight deterrent is a scruffy-looking college kid that looks just enough like Zak and Arathis' own teenage boys that they don't want to try stabbing him. Jarlaxle has found a medium with which to exploit their paternal instincts is what I'm saying. I don't know what Artemis thinks of this job but I do know he spends a lot of time reacting to Jarlaxle like "Rich people are insane" and really, looking at House Baenre, is he wrong?

Not sure if it counts as a hobby or just "I learned to do this to escape the cops and now I find it fun" but Artemis is probably really good at parkour and sometimes if he really gets the instinct he'll just start scaling a building. He's gotten in trouble for this before. I also think Artemis likes reading, but doesn't have many books of his own until he gets the job with Jarlaxle. Prior and even after I think he just frequented libraries.

[artemis-entreri]

The first installment of Salvatore’s new fantasy trilogy returns readers to the Forgotten Realms with an adventure revolving around Catti-brie, the wife of the author’s signature character, the dark elf Drizzt Do’Urden.

After the birth of their daughter, Brienne, Drizzt is markedly changed—spending more time contemplating deep existential questions and trying to rediscover the clarity and purpose in his life. To those ends, he decides to travel with his toddler daughter to the Monastery of the Yellow Rose to train with the monks and introduce Brienne to Grandmaster Kane. As Drizzt embarks on his own spiritual quest, his wife joins forces with smooth-talking drow mercenary Jarlaxle, human assassin Artemis Enteri, and weapons master Zaknafein, Drizzt’s father. At Jarlaxle’s request, the quartet of adventurers (via magic portal) travel to the top of the world searching for a person who, if found, could stop the drow city-state of Menzoberranzan from destroying itself in a civil war. But aside from almost dying multiple times over in the strange world without true night���the killing cold, frost giants, polar worms, etc.—the group finds something completely unexpected, a revelation that will change the way they look at the world, and themselves, forever. Longtime fans of Drizzt Do’Urden will surely enjoy the novel’s breakneck pacing, nonstop action, cast of familiar and beloved characters, and deep philosophical exploration throughout. This storyline, in particular, packs a thematic wallop that is both timely and timeless. “We’re never to see peace—none of us—until we come to recognize that a child of a culture that is not our own is as precious as one who is.” And although the transitions between the two story threads aren’t exactly smooth, some fight scenes are a bit flat, and the conclusion is little more than a respite until the next installment, readers should embrace Salvatore’s newest adventure with Drizzt and company.

Fantasy that entertains and enlightens.

[[ Ho boy. So many things to unpack here, even just based on this quick summary alone. The immediate things that come to mind are: 

First, why bother having the characters have a child if said child is just going to be removed from the picture so that the parent character in focus can go adventuring as though she didn’t have a child at all? 

Second, not another “revelation that will change the way that they look at the world and themselves”, how many have these characters had? It’s like they have one of those in every book. 

Third, I sincerely hope that the “deep philosophical exploration” and the “timely and timeless” “thematic wallop” isn’t a commentary on the anti-racism movements currently. Given Salvatore’s demonstrated history of inept handling of themes related to social justice, a poor presentation of minority groups’ fight for equality can actually be more damaging than racists being racists. Quite frankly, the quoted example, “We’re never to see peace—none of us—until we come to recognize that a child of a culture that is not our own is as precious as one who is” is so freaking obvious that it doesn’t need to be stated. Franchises like Star Trek that present a successful futuristic world take such things as a given, it’s so obvious that they just need to imply its truth. 

At least it’s pretty clear now that the male character on the cover is Artemis. I would’ve liked to see Jarlaxle or even Zaknafein there, but the artist was probably too worried about possible blowback from painting drow. ]]

[of-sanguine-eyes]

((Relentless Live-Read, through chapter 20 and the end of part 3!))

One of the things that kept striking me through chapter 18 was just how well the author does Sad Zak, when he’s not trying, not making Grand Shows Of Emotion because Must Show Emotion or it’s not real. In this case, we have the quiet starkness of someone who has found out that they do in fact have more to lose, and now can truly say they lost everything. And still has no way out of the cage they’re trapped in.

Jarlaxle’s More Jarlaxle personality showed up, with him trying to pretend that Zaknafein never existed. It was also nice to acknowledge it as canonically his most intimate relationship, which given drow sex lives, makes me call Frantic Author Backpedaling on the ‘not physical!” part of that line.

Unfortunately Dab’nay also shows up again, if only because Zak really does need to be naked and in bed with someone he can be slightly more vulnerable with to start musing on drow life. Which...

It’s not wrong. It’s really a very interesting take on how, exactly, it happens, that it’s through people who stand aside and do nothing instead of speaking out - even if speaking out would mean death. And then the slow slide down to not just staying quiet, but insidiously agreeing with it, because what else is there? If the entire world tells you something, reinforced by everything around you, how do you resist? So, yes, complicity is just as bad as doing the actions. (I would be amiss if I didn’t point out to potential real-world connections.)

However, while Zak may be in no mood to offer any kind of mercy on the matter to himself, given this is in the middle of the Drizzt crisis, there’s still the fact that if drow don’t laugh along to the cruel jokes, they honestly would be killed. And it’s not as though they can simply walk away from Menzoberranzan, because in spite of all the jaunting through the caverns that both Zaknafein and Drizzt did, the Underdark is deadly.

So...yes? but also no? It also felt just as shoved into here as his renewed affair with Dab’nay, even if that could be understood as a search for some kind of comfort, someone who can understand. He just never really finds it, not the way Drizzt does. (I suppose I should be grateful that he gets to sleep with someone besides Malice? or, more accurately, be in someone else’s bed, because at least it’s also canon that drow really do love their orgies.) But you have got to hope for connection, Something, or what else is left?

Then WHOO, last chapter of the section. And I admit, the weaving around the events of Homeland were done better than I had really expected. It wasn’t a high bar, but it was stepped over. Jarlaxle reacting to Mood Shifting Zak, though, rang...not quite false, but the wrong tone for the weight the chapter should have hefted. Because there’s dramatic irony, where the readers know what’s causing those shifts of mood, but Jarlaxle is left puzzling it out on the page, not having all the pieces and really not being able to realize just what was happening (because honestly, who could call the “actually spared child”?) Why he decided to tell Dab’ney literally everything for a stupid reason is beyond me, though.

I was worried, for a few pages, that it would be Jarlaxle who suggested to Zak that he could sacrifice himself instead. I’m moderately soothed that instead it was just handling the Malice part of it, to get her to accept it. I’m...still not sure how I feel about Handmaiden Death being the reason Zak had Lolth’s disfavor, instead of the more general “Have You Met This Guy” reason it was in Homeland.

And then:

“Drizzt had rejected it more fully than Zaknafein had ever found the courage to do”.

And I rolled my eyes SO HARD, had to put the book down and figure out the actual words behind why this struck me as not just trite, but wrong.

Yes, Drizzt got to be the one to go literally running out of Menzoberranzan like an actual bat out of actual hell. But, Drizzt was able to do so because of options which were unique and specific to him, to say nothing of a skillset that makes it possible (yes I will continue to argue about him being a ranger even when the author seems to have forgotten he ever was).

Zaknafein was stolen from his House and kept on a very tight leash by Malice, and as this section pointed out, part of that leash was his love of his children, that threatening them kept him in line. Zaknafein’s friendships were also limited to, well, Jarlaxle, who is not exactly the poster boy for Alternative Drow Lives  And Morals. What else could Zaknafein have known to dream of? A death out in the Underdark instead of a death in Menzoberranzan? He spent his life not having any choices, why should he be expected to magically choose something radically beyond his comprehension?

Drizzt, meanwhile, was sheltered. I will gladly argue about just how “merciful” a weanmother Vierna actually was, but that’s not the point. The point is, someone taught him about love. And he had Zaknafein as an additional shelter, someone who was very much Not An Ordinary Drow, with his Not Drow streaks of actual ethics and a great big belly full of defiance.

That means that running actually is an option for Drizzt in a way that it isn’t for Zaknafein: “courage” be damned, its that he wasn’t indoctrinated as fully, that he hadn’t spent four hundred years being held in this place until there was no reasonable way he could see a way out, imagine another life for himself. That’s not how these things work - which is what Homeland also took pains to show us with just what goes down in the drow Academy, and even Drizzt hated surface elves until he went on the raid and saw they were prettily dancing in the moonlight.

Blame Menzoberranzan, but do not blame Zaknafein for not having a light that can lead him out of it.

But! That’s done now, and we’re into part 4, and onto the home stretch!...sorta. This does mean no more past Zak, and if he’s in this last section as much as he was in the other present-day sections, that means I should get about a page in total of Zak-content, as he hangs out in the background of scenes. ...maybe that’s his particular sort of defiance shining through?)

[rukafais]

do you have to have finished the main drizzt series to read generations? i’m currently on sea of swords but i’m in love with zaknafein and i need to read more about him before i explode badly

thank you!!!

Nope, Generations is author-meant to be a jumping on point for new readers, so go right ahead! You can pick up Generations, read it, and then go back to older books if you want.

[rukafais]

[...] the 3 of Swords clearly describes this sudden pain. You literally feel as if someone has taken a sharp object and jabbed it through your heart. Even something as minor as a snippy remark can feel this way. [...] When your heart is breaking, you feel as if that is all you are - an open wound.

This card depicts a fundamentally sorrowful experience— tarot readers suggest this may be in the form of a lost relationship, an accidental death, or some other form of not just depression or malaise but deeply emotional sorrow.

“Balance the scales on our friendship, Zaknafein. Understand that what I have done has saved your life...”

“Whoever told you that I would wish that?”

[of-sanguine-eyes]

Relentless live-read (chapter 31 and epilogue)

Chapter 31 is the last chapter of the book. It should have some sort of emotional resonance as it wraps up everything from the climax. Instead, I call this chapter “Yvonnel The Younger Infodumps and massively retcons Elf History.” Which, as far as Realms Lore is concerned, was just covered in Mordenkainen's Tome of Foes, a 5e sourcebook, too. Needless to say, Elf History in the Realms is a heck of a lot more complicated than Yvonnel’s handwaved explanation that the drow retreated to the Underdark to get away from tyrants. This could be a fascinating choice of “winners writing history”, if the retcon was acknowledged as such in the narrative; of course the drow are going to spin the events of the Crown Wars to show them as the innocent party unfairly persecuted against. But, no matter that it’s Yvonnel presenting this, the narrative treats this - as it treats anything out of her mouth - as unbiased, untarnished truth that certainly shouldn’t be questioned. 

More and more, I think that this About-Face Alignment Change is part of the giant saving throw WotC has promised to do with regards to complains of racism directed towards drow being the Always-Evil race of elves and having black skin. There are various ways of rewriting lore and history, and this was more clumsily handled than any Updated Supplemental Sourcebook. Particularly when 5e and other Realms material has considered the feedback loop that gods and followers get into, where the gods can dictate what they like, but faith and belief has its own power to shift the god; want Lolth to Not Be Chaotic Evil anymore? all that you’d need to argue that would be to get a faction of drow priestesses believing that - but not this way, that tosses aside prior characterizations and history to do so, and takes all of fifty pages and about ten minutes to happen at best. There’s Heel-Face turns, and then there’s my goodness did you just go through a revolving door or something?

Meanwhile, Jarlaxle cheerfully stays reasonably in character and has a more normal drow outlook on just who was behind this whole plot. Zaknafein misses a chance to show his own characterization when he’s invited to go back down and fight for Menzoberranzan; though he reasonably points out that he has no idea what just happened, considering he spent four hundred years hating the place with every breath, it’s not really reasonable for anyone to think that he would traipse back down particularly because a Lolthite priestess (“changed” or not) crooked a finger.

As for the rest of the chapter - when I said that I called this “Yvonnel the Younger Infodumps”, that is what takes the longest. After she walks off, all the lingering plot points get waved away with her. Pwent is suddenly no longer a vampire. Portals suddenly open. Elemental contained. Demons are gone. Rest of the drow army gone without a confrontation with our designated heroes. It’s like all the air goes out of the plot and it sails off like a sad balloon.

The only thing that made me at least moderately pleased was the brief scene in which the author realized that Dinin does need to be in this drider army, and look, he’s back too! I should not be this pleased that the author remembered his own damn canon. There also should have been a tidbit tossed out earlier that suggests that he actually did remember this before now, like a drider with the proper weapons that makes readers go “wait is that”. Without foreshadowing, the scene feels a bit like it got slapped in at the last minute because he suddenly remembered, not that this was what he always was planning this. 

As with the final chapter, the epilogue, the naming of a baby, should provide heart and emotional closure. It doesn’t not succeed, through the details throw me out of any kind of pleasure at seeing this. To whit:

Why is Artemis in charge of calling Guenhwyvar? 

So is everyone just gathered here and standing, or are there tables, and are we happy and excited about this, and do we like each other and are chatting and eyeing the cake - there’s cake and nibbles, right? - or are we all kinda still not trusting each other? This is naming a baby after a hard war and a death: there should be emotion and connection rippling through the gathered people. But we’re given a list of names and nothing else.

The baby’s hair magically changed from white to red in the space of a chapter, and a “red mane” at that, which means what, a couple of strands in the context of a newborn? This is not an 80′s wig on a child, right?

While I acknowledge that it is a very poetic way to describe her skin tone, it doesn’t help picture it in the slightest. 

Also this is the quietest baby I’ve ever seen. Is she sleeping? It’s very reasonable, but it should also be defined.  

This is probably going to be a very personal pet peeve, but: "Zaharina” is not the correct feminine form of Zaknafein: it should be Zarafey. (Zarafae to be proper drow about this, but subbing out the final E for a Y makes sense for a surface name to get away from the ‘ae’ at the end of a name and to better reflect how it should be said). This is as per the Dragon magazine name tables which have been around since the early 90s. This isn’t hard.

Zak was startled to be remembered and honored and all I could think that it also made sense as a reaction, considering how good anyone in this has been about remembering him.

The child’s nickname is, effectively, Breezy. ... If I was inclined to be merciful, I’d give this one a pass. It’s still jarring from the tone, such that it is.

As for the last-line reveal that the author is becoming somewhat known for...

I’m just glad that, even if it looked that way for a moment, the author didn’t have Drizzt come back in Monk Human Form. Or at least, he’s still referred to as “the drow ranger”, and while the ranger part is clearly bullshit at this point, he is apparently just in Brother Sneeze’s robes and not Brother Sneeze’s body. Though let’s face it, him coming back in monk robes is Symbolism. 

While the last-line reveal is undoubtedly dramatic, it worked for Zaknafein in Hero but here, left me unsatisfied. It’s a reveal, but not a reunion. All these characters who spent the book missing him, and we just get the moment of shock, not the moment of emotional resonance and connection where everyone gets to touch and hug someone they thought was dead, and he gets a chance to see and hold the child he came back for. That’s emotional resolution to the emotional climax of the reveal. “But Mel, there’s always next book!” No, the next book starts two years later. A prologue picking up right at this moment is not outside the world of possibility, but it’s still not here, where it should have been to bring the trilogy to a satisfying close, not just a surprising (-ish - come on, hands up if anyone thought Drizzt would stay dead) one. 

But, that’s it! That is Relentless done! So what thought am I left with, above all? This book dearly needed an editor. It needed someone to point out how info-heavy sections dragged, and how that meant that the moments that needed additional space and time galloped by too fast. It needed an editor to say “this breaks the canon of the shared world you’re writing in” and an editor to say “let’s run this part by a sensitivity reader or three”. That wouldn’t have solved all its issues, but I do think it would have helped. 

Instead, I get to turn this whole trilogy into mulch, and if I don’t ever write something based on this particular storyline, the existence of it might provide inspiration or at least the proper emotion to continue what I’m working on.

[of-sanguine-eyes]

Relentless Live-read (chapters 28 and 29)

I’m aware this would go faster if I wasn’t taking the time to do these thoughts at the end of every couple of chapters. However, I find that I just can’t stop commenting on things, both in the Kindle Notes and a more thorough, less-profanity laced commentary here. Mostly because, well, someone has to discuss this, and if it’s taking me this long to get through, there might well be a reason why.

With these two chapters, though...

I will say, I could so get behind more scenes of Bruenor and Zaknafein explicitly bonding. They do have points in common, along the lines of “had offspring, coming back from the dead into a different world is weird, human generations are weird, and can I go hit something to feel less weird now?”

That was the good part of this. So was Zaknafein actually being remembered and offered to be a part of this - and cheerfully explaining that nope, drow males don’t get to witness this, he’ll wait outside.

The return of birth magic was the less-good part of this. I could, in theory, get behind the concept. However, the actual childbirth scene, chapter 29, needed a sensitivity reader so bad - not just a beta reader, not just someone who has researched the mechanics. An actual sensitivity reader to say “this is offensive, you need to reword this.”

Look. Childbirth can be a spiritual moment. It is definitely a very emotional moment. It is also extremely physical and, in a world with no epidurals, painful. The reason the birth magic made some kind of sense in Homeland was because the idea of harnessing pain and casting it to someone else made at last some kind of sense. The idea of working through pain to cast this ritual which gives great power is...the part that needs the sensitivity reader.

Saying that childbirth is the greatest power in the world trips right over the line between “yes some would feel this way” and into “don’t make sweeping statements about complicated things.” Definitely don’t write childbirth as magically making her “one with everything”, just the way a monk transcends. Or suggest that it’s her own “power” and spirituality that makes her need to push - that’s called bearing down, it’s a natural part of labor.

(It is definitely a choice to write a character who, a handful of books ago, was shown as being religious, a cleric and a wizard, now also becoming Monk-like. At this point I start to wonder if it’s just his new theme to brush aside all religious aspects in favor of Monk As Perfect spirituality. If I want to give him any kind of credit, it’s maybe trying to move away from religion for Real World reasons and implications, but, that’s still not how a fantasy world in which gods are objectively real work.)

Basically he stripped away all the real, messy parts of labor, the parts that make it a very human act, in favor of mystical Quasi-Monk Nonsense. Cattie-brie should not have been Mother Goddess-ing through this, exalting in “her power of creation as a woman” and how this is the greatest thing ever.

(She also shouldn’t have been flat on her back to have this baby, but that is also a choice the author made sure to make, even after starting her in a fairly reasonable position for labor.)

The part that most struck me, though, was her reaction to her actual baby. (Who is apparently going to be just fine and we don’t need to worry about any after-effects of the fever now. For some reason.) She noted “swaddled, head, hair”, and then focused on the dangling umbilical cord. That is...a detail of childbirth, yes. But this is her first baby, the child from her lost husband. And she just had a mad rush of of Creative Power Through Childbirth Yay! ...where’s marveling at the rumpled face of Brand Newborn, the rush of love and emotion for this tiny person, looking for features, worrying about counting fingers and toes? We get a little of it, but only after that jarring little detail that makes the emotional resonance of the rest of it slip on ice and fall flat on its back.

Backtracking briefly: so she took all the “power of childbirth” - whatever that actually is, no you don’t get to handwave this with mysticism and jot down a few “ignoring the pain” lines as if that makes it realistic - and used the ritual to reach out and strengthen her allies. Great. That’s, in game mechanics, like a souped-up version of Prayer or Bless. Which every single Cleric, War Priest, Paladin (if there are any around) should already be casting, and more. So...beyond range and power, how would this be unique, again?

Or is that the real reason he’s desperately backpedaling away from religion in this, because clerical spells mean that Ideas aren’t that special?

[of-sanguine-eyes]

((Relentless live-read! Wow it’s been awhile since I mustered up the energy to read something! Through to the end of part two, chapters 12 and 13.))

The first thing I’d like to say, is every time Braelin Janquay appears on the page, I wave like a Mom seeing her child in the school play, playing a tree. “You’re doing great sweetie!” Considering the situation in question, that’s probably the best that can be said of it - though he does stand up to Dab’nay when she scoffs over humans being no better than drow, pointing out that no, and that says something about drow, doesn’t it? Considering he’s always been a remarkably calm and reasonable drow, I hope this shows that there’s no chance of Dab’nay getting back together with Zak, though that might be wistful thinking on my part.

Skipping over the whole “the drow in Luskan gave it a tenday before wanting to give up which is rather short-sighted for elves” and “everyone - Kimmuriel - remembers illithids are bad and in Exile Drizzt had these same sensations of peace and comfort from the Hivemind and that was bad, right?” Mostly because if I start going down that route I’m going to have to drop my head onto my keyboard and sigh again.

That all moves rather neatly through chapter twelve, and thirteen is...an ominous number. We finally get everyone in the same room, which is good. Including Jarlaxle and Zaknafein - wherever they’ve been and whatever they’ve been doing. (We went into excruciating detail with Yvonnel the Younger’s little band, we could have gotten one scene of Jarlaxle and Zaknafein doing something. But whatever, I can apply a fanfic patch for that, that’s just a canonical missing scene.) Unfortunately there is no weight to this reunion at all, no “oh good my friends are still alive.” I’m getting used to that too unfortunately.

And also the dump of information of where they were and what they were doing, fine - but if this was supposed to be the end result, giving them information enough to reveal to everyone, why did we need to trudge with them through the castle and find things we already knew? Further, isn’t Cattie a mage? Shouldn’t she have been able to scry? Oh, fine, maybe she couldn’t but what about all those of Longsaddle that so much fuss is made over in these books? Surely someone could have cast the spell for her, or Yvonnel the Younger instead of trekking all the way there... Look, I get it, I’m a big fan of “show” rather than “tell”. But this dragged forever and nothing happened that we, the readers, didn’t already know!

Then, here’s the crux of it: One, Why does Artemis get more lines in this chapter than Zaknafein who just heard his son was dead? Two! I never ever ever want to hear “Zaknafein is racist/unsure of grandchild” after he was the one who literally caught Cattie-brie as she swooned. And his instant reaction of “Fine, we’ll go to the Abyss then”. And his declaration after getting Death Gifts that he is staying here and learning. (And his snarl and followed quiet grief of “eyes large and sad, gaze cast down” and trembling hands to take the swords, ring far, far more true than any of Cattie’s reactions.)

But at least there’s a Zak Hug in the chapter so that’s...something.

Yeah. Basically this should have been a much, much earlier chapter, and reactions should have been much better thought out. But these cardboard cutouts of characters finally got hauled into the same room and we can move on now.

...to another Zak Journal. This is going to continue to be a thing, I see...

[of-sanguine-eyes]

Relentless live-read! [through chapter 11]

This chapter. This chapter took me forever. And one instance of gently lowering my head to the table and whimpering. About the only thing that kept me going forward was that I’m also reading through the old Forgotten Realms: The Harpers series, and the book I’m on is somehow even worse than this chapter (but Red Magic is another screaming post).

The plot was...characters reuniting without nearly enough emotional weight that should exist under the circumstances. When it wasn’t that, it was characters discovering things the readers already knew; some of this is necessary, because the characters didn’t already know this and so have to find out somehow, but the how of it was a frustrating experience I wanted to hurry along. It didn’t feel like being midway through the final book of the trilogy; it felt like it was the epilogue to the second book.

Then there was Catti-brie. And the author apparently really does think that the only physical aspect of an advanced pregnancy is “a large belly”. Where’s the swollen feet and tits? Where’s the backache? The being tired and needing to pee all the damn time? As we’re told this is late into the pregnancy, where’s the impulse to get everything ready in the baby’s room, the impatience with this and eagerness to actually have the baby? The closest on this that we get is more focused on her worries for Drizzt, which, fair enough, but is a mere flash in the pan. For the most part, there’s no change to her personality; unless the author tells us she’s pregnant, frequently, we would forget. Fortunately he seems happy to do this, but that’s not a good thing. It should have changed her. (There’s more chapters so I’m holding off on the mental waving flags that not once did she ever express a worry that how is she going to parent? especially given her background in her first life and her second. Or Is Drizzt going to be a good father?)

And instead all we get is some portal logistics, vague concern, and...right. The fact that this is a half-drow. Who, yes, will probably face discrimination. But given Bregan D’aerthe, Eilistraeeans, Vhaerunites, Jarlaxle, and on the sinister end drow raiders in general and possibly even some plotting Matrons...you tell me there’s all these drow who’ve visited or live on the surface and not one of them has knocked up a human before now? Baldur’s Gate 3 just announced half-drow as one of the playable sub-races, so you know. Rare, I would buy. Unheard of? Hardly. (This has nothing to do with my Neverwinter Nights 2 character, the Knight-Captain, being a half-drow...Well it does, but more because I’ve thought of all this before and have written it better. Including how half-elf pregnancies might be wildly different than humans. Damnit.)

Also Dahlia skipped and I may never forgive the author.

Also where the fuck is Zaknafein??

[artemis-entreri]

[[ This post contains Part 6 of my review/analysis of the Forgotten Realms/Drizzt novel, Boundless, by R. A. Salvatore. As such, the entirety of this post’s content is OOC. ]]

Genre: Fantasy

Series: Generations: Book 2 | Legend of Drizzt #35 (#32 if not counting The Sellswords)

Publisher: Harper Collins (September 10, 2019)

My Rating: 2 out of 5 stars

Additional Information: Artwork for the cover of Boundless and used above is originally done by Aleks Melnik. This post CONTAINS SPOILERS. Furthermore, this discussion concerns topics that I am very passionate about, and as such, at times I do use strong language. Read and expand the cut at your own discretion.

Contents:

Introduction

I. Positives I.1 Pure Positives I.2 Muddled Positives

II. Mediocre Writing Style II.1 Bad Descriptions II.2 Salvatorisms II.3 Laborious “Action”

III. Poor Characterization III.1 “Maestro” III.2 Lieutenant III.3 Barbarian III.4 “Hero” III.5 Mother

IV. World Breaks IV.1 Blinders Against the Greater World IV.2 Befuddlement of Earth and Toril IV.3 Self-Inconsistency IV.4 Dungeon Amateur IV.5 Utter Nonsense

V. Ego Stroking V.1 The Ineffable Companions of the Hall V.2 Me, Myself, and I

VI. Problematic Themes (you are here) VI.1 No Homo VI.2 Disrespect of Women VI.3 Social-normalization VI.4 Eugenics

VII. What’s Next VII.1 Drizzt Ascends to Godhood VII.2 Profane Redemption VII.3 Passing the Torch VII.4 Don’t Notice Me Senpai

Problematic Themes

No Homo

Boundless continues to perpetuate some long-standing regressive to outright harmful ideas, as well as introducing new ones. There are two that are the biggest. The first is something that's existed for over two decades in the Drizzt books, and something that I've criticized Salvatore for for a long time: the fetishization of sapphic relationships. While Boundless is an improvement (and a bit of an oddity for Salvatore) in that it doesn't include any gratuitous lesbian sex scenes or allusions, it still very much perpetuates an imbalanced representation, such that it wouldn't be fair to describe it as true representation. Yet again, despite it being canon that the default sexuality in the Realms is pansexuality as opposed to heterosexuality in our world, the only people that we see in Boundless that are capable of same sex attractions are female. Ever since the token gay guy Afrafrenfere's epiphany that everything else he'd been engaged in, which includes his deceased boyfriend, was a distraction from enlightenment, there hasn't been so much of an implication that men could be attracted to other men in Salvatore's Realms. There exists more chemistry between Harbonair and Zaknafein than between Zaknafein and Dab'nay, which is rather sad given that the latter pair are actively sexual with each other. There's of course the possibility that Salvatore just doesn't know how to write gay male chemistry, but to be fair, his heterosexual chemistry is pretty bad. Most of it is just sex or another physical act spontaneously happening that triggers a change in the nature of the relationship, for instance, the start of the relationship between Entreri and Calihye. There's so much background "everyone is heterosexual" stuff going on that to be inclusive, Salvatore just needs to mention that there's more than one man in an orgy rather than it always being one man to many women. Or, better yet, use an example directly from the world canon that other authors have used, namely, that the workers of a brothel or attendants in a temple of Sune are of more than one gender and that a male client is greeted by both male, female, and other gender-identifying attendants. Casual inclusion of this nature isn't difficult, and we see Salvatore do it with sapphic stuff enough that leads me to believe that it's a choice on his part not to be fully inclusive. 

An example of when Salvatore could've gone for inclusion, but instead went for fetishization, is in the scene of Dahlia infiltrating a Waterdhavian nobles' ball:

This isn't much better than gratuitous lesbian sex scenes at the total exclusion of gay men. It's completely unnecessary for Salvatore to have specified that women also drooled after Dahlia; simply stating "people" would've been sufficient. It's not like Salvatore doesn't have many chances and setups where he can drop a hint that gay men exist in the Realms like he does so frequently for gay women. Oftentimes, Salvatore's writing feels very much like he realizes that there's "too much" chemistry between two male characters, such that he has to throw in a "NO HOMO" wrench. For instance:

While there isn't anything inherently gay in this passage, there isn't anything inherently gay in so many places where Salvatore artificially injected "these women are sapphic" indicators. Yet here, between two male characters, it's specifically clarified that it's brotherly love. Love is love, it shouldn't have to be clarified like this. Sure, some people might jump to romantic love, but so what? This was a good opportunity to at the very least, leave it vague, but apparently Salvatore can't stomach it enough that he has to cross the possibility out with a bold black marker (maybe its the same sharpie he uses on the tapestry of Faerûn). It's as though the possibility of romantic love between two men somehow taints the sacredness of their bond. Salvatore's writing style is very old-fashioned and set in its ways, but that's no excuse not to change. Despite his espoused views on social media, Salvatore's lack of representation in his writing suggests a discomfort that he doesn't want to address. This is increasingly problematic as we try to push to a better world with more acceptance and equality. Inclusion isn't truly inclusion if it's done with only a portion of the population. 

Disrespect of Women

What Salvatore does with sapphic women is fetishization, which is additionally problematic because it's a short hop from objectification of women. This point is one that I haven't touched on much in the past, but it's glaring in Boundless because in this novel, Salvatore also tries to demonstrate respect of women. Salvatore has a long history of poorly-written female characters. In his books, a female character's most redeeming characteristics were that she was hot and young. For a while, I could tell which female characters were there to stay, which were doomed to die from the get-go, and which would suffer horribly as they met their inevitable end. It always had to do with how physically attractive the character was, and usually with respect to how she measured up to Catti-brie's beauty. Not counting female villains like Sheila Kree who were not coincidentally unattractive, protagonist characters weren't spared this treatment. For instance, Delly Curtie didn't hold a candle to Catti and could barely find happiness with Catti's rejected suitor. By the same token, Innovindil, who, despite being a full-blooded elf, wasn't as beautiful as Catti, and was subsequently very short-lived. Dahlia, another full-blooded elf who wasn't as beautiful as Catti, admittedly didn't die (yet), but what she went through is arguably worse. Dahlia is portrayed to be very much second best to Catti, from her looks to her rejection by Drizzt to Catti outright beating Dahlia in a fight. So, of course, Dahlia gets stuck with Entreri, who's frequently portrayed as second best to Drizzt. Salvatore does deserve credit for trying to break the mold with Penelope Harpell and Wulfgar, but Penelope's appearance doesn't leave much of an impression. We're reminded multiple times that she's an older woman, and the focus is on her personality, but with how often younger female characters' physical appearance is mentioned and re-mentioned, it gives the impression that Salvatore doesn't believe older women can be physically attractive. As always, Catti-brie was an exception to the rule, for even in her mid-forties, "her form, a bit thicker with age, perhaps, but still so beautiful and inviting to [Drizzt]", a characterization that follows another sentence describing how beautiful she was barely a page prior. But we don't hear such about Penelope, instead, we're told about the strengths of her personality, which are admirable, but only become the focus for her, rather than for a young-appearing strong female character like Yvonnel the Second. This is not to mention that someone's form probably shouldn't be characterized as inviting, as that is something the person should do, not something done by the person's looks. The objectification of women is problematic enough on its own, but instead of addressing the issue, Salvatore appears to consider it sufficient to put in a significant anecdote featuring a temporary character to prove that he is an ally to women. The mysterious "demon" possessing the little girl Sharon is painted as a moral adjudicator, entrapping the evil in its unbreakable cocoons filled with wasps that have human faces. Before this "demon" entraps Entreri, it ensnares an old man, whom we're simply told is an old lecher, with no insight about what makes him such and what wrongdoings he'd committed. All we know is that he and his wife attempted to kidnap Sharon and threatened to kill her if she resisted. It's not very clear what's going on in that scenario or what the couple's intentions were. The man's description shifts suddenly from nothing to "old lecher", and he is damned to an eternity of suffering. But how was he a lecher? Was Salvatore trying to imply that he intended to sexually assault Sharon? Or was human trafficking one of his many sins, with the "lecher" part referring to how he is towards women? While all of these crimes certainly warrant harsh punishment, the message that Salvatore's trying to convey isn't clear. Furthermore, the anecdote gives the reader zero satisfaction in the guy's punishment, because we're only marginally invested in what's happened. His anecdote is nothing more than a cheap and lazy setup to illustrate what the "demon" can do.

Social-normalization

The second of the two worst among Salvatore's long-standing problematic themes is the simplified and social-normative qualifications of what makes a person worthwhile. To put it simply, one is good and just if they are the Companions of the Hall and/or act like them, despite the many many ways that the Companions behave unheroically and hypocritically. On the flip side, one who doesn't subscribe to or follow the model of the Companions is evil, bad, or not worthy of existence unless they change to become like the Companions. Of the latter group, it isn't sufficient to change to become a different version of themselves. For instance, during the demonic assault, Zaknafein throws himself into the fray of battle, risking his life, yet again, for his ungrateful son. Yet, Drizzt's takeaway from watching his father do this is, "joy to see his father so willingly risking his life for the cause of the goodly folk of the Crags". There appears to be a subconscious inconsistency here on Salvatore's part, for he even writes that Zaknafein helps the dwarves because Zaknafein knows it's what his son wants him to do, so removing Drizzt from the picture, Zaknafein wouldn't be doing it solely on behalf of the dwarves. Zaknafein isn't Drizzt, and that's a good thing, for not everything needs to be a Drizzt clone, but Salvatore doesn't seem to agree with that assessment. 

Salvatore doesn't seem to realize that Drizzt is the problematic one. Boundless represents a point in time in which it's been awhile since Zaknafein has returned. During this time, while Zaknafein has been trying to adapt and adjust his worldviews, Drizzt's perspective hasn't changed at all, despite Jarlaxle spending a great amount of time talking to him about Zaknafein and presumably helping Drizzt get past the initial emotional turmoil of the return of Zaknafein and his own struggles with reconciling the past and the present. There's also a double-standard here, for while Entreri is forced to change because enough time has gone by, Drizzt isn't. 

It really seems to be the message that the only characters that are good and valid need to be as close to Drizzt as possible, and this belief applied to Entreri has been the cause of the assassin's increasingly poor characterization. Entreri has become a "better person" by the narrator's approximation, a quality that is, yet again, not coincidentally synonymous to being an ally to the Companions of the Hall. Artemis Entreri may very well have become a better version of himself, but that is not, and should not be, becoming more like the Companions of the Hall. By whose definition is "a better person" anyway? By Drizzt's? By the Companions'? It's often the case that those that believe that they are the definition of what's right and define others' morality relative to themselves are the least qualified to do so. 

Eugenics

Although not as prominent as the two themes already mentioned, one final consistent problematic theme of Salvatore's in the Drizzt books that I'd like to discuss is the idea that mediocrity and excellence are inherited traits. Boundless reminds us yet again that all of the offspring of Rizzen are as unpromising as he is, and while it isn't specifically stated that all the offspring of Zaknafein is very much otherwise, we have over thirty books basically telling us that so it probably doesn't need to be repeated. While it is true that genetics do play a role in determining what makes up a person, genetics do not lock in guaranteed results. Yet, the undistinguished Rizzen sired "the mediocrity of Nalfein", and as though that insult wasn't bad enough, "His pants fell down, too. Again, and as expected, unimpressive." Dinin "would do Rizzen proud", but that's not saying a whole lot because it was in the context of the total failure of Nalfein. There's a further level of problematic theme here, for perpetuating the stereotype that a man's worth is at all related to the size of his genitalia. All of that aside, not everyone is privileged enough to be born to top specimens, and those that weren't inherently already have a struggle on their hands. They don't deserve to have the idea that they'll be mediocre no matter what perpetuated. Genetics might be what makes an individual, but what defines them is the actions that they take.