#Zuho fanfiction

[kdream-factory]

After all this time... [SF9 Zuho Oneshot]

♥ I wanna ask you to read this while listening to Dylan Conrique’s “Birthday Cake” on loop ♥

[Warnings: ANGST!, Heartbreak!, toxic relationship, commitment issues, wrong understanding of what love is, relationship fights, gn!reader]

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Your love life had a sad beginning and you always were convinced it would have a sad ending too. You and Zuho have had a relationship for 3 years now. From the start it had been an unhealthy one. Him having commitment issues and you being so love deprived throughout your whole life that everytime someone loved you, you thought you would have to do something to deserve it. Zuho and you getting into a relationship was a miracle. It took 4 attempts to finally be able to call each other boyfriend and girlfriend. People always thought you two were the perfect couple, your relationship being so ‘powerful and strong’ when truely it was a day to day fight. This hasn’t always been the case. After about one year of Zuho and you tricking yourself into believing that what you had was love for life the fassade and all the fakeness started falling apart. The trigger point was Zuho’s commitment issues coming back to life, although they where never gone but instead just buried deep down in a chest of untouched feelings. What made it bearable for you two was the fact that you where the one who always tried to push him into thinking different. You remembered him that he would not have to walk alone but instead you would take his hand, him sometimes being more strict to himself and sometimes giving in to your words easily. ‘Communication is key’ was your motto. Putting this rule into practice was barely needed because you two were lacking problems. Thats what you two thought. Thats what you had to pretend for your little bush of roses to keep growing and, of course, to hide what was underneath it. There came a time where both of you thought you would never face any hardships in your relationship so that you two agreed on instantly talking it out if one of you had a problem, not realising that, this being a lie, would’ve been needed way before you set it. 

Two full years into your relationship and a little war of pointing at each other and telling your partner that they had a problem and them not admitting it, on both sides, had started. Pretending that your relationship was all fine was getting harder and harder. Your opinion was always the stronger one while Zuho never seemed to face his issues. Occassionally you would wake up from that rage fit and at that time this was the last straw that kept you two at stake. You always tried to speak in a calm tone, telling him you don’t mean bad when the truth was that your helper syndrom was at it’s peak and you were near to exploding. Two and a half years in, that exact same barrel was constantly overflowing. You openly blamed him for not beeing able to show love when all you did was powder his butt with love and affection and yes, at first you were totally fine with it because that was what kept you driving. You thought you would get some praise for all the stuff you did because praise for you meant love. Why would anybody ever be nice to you when there wasn’t something they would wanna benefit from nor why would you get love when you did nothing very lovable. You had to earn yourself the love you always wanted. Zuho being that mysterious and heart broken guy you thought you could fix was the perfect experiment, just that you thought you were being genuine in what you did for him, and you were at first. But one day Zuho snapped.

Zuho: “How could I possibly take any of your love serious when honestly all you do this for is yourself, to not feel useless?!”

Y/N: “Who are YOU to judge who never even went out of his comfort zone and never EVER appreciated one thing I did, no wait, that ANYONE did for him? Are you that heartless? And you say you are the one suffering?!”

Those arguments went on and on for months and they were getting so bad that sometimes you wouldn’t even talk for a week straight because thats how either you two got your piece or how long it took for one of you to apologize, if that was even in any of yours vocabular. The hardest times were when guilt started kicking in and you realized you never even gave Zuho a chance to explain himself or you never saw listening to him as an option. And it’s true, pride shouldn’t be stronger than the knowledge of being able to step back with your own needs when someone else is suffering more and can hardly handle it. Sometimes. When you’d pull yourself together to reach out a hand to Zuho he would just slap it away, rarely ever accepting it and when he did, you two would surprisingly well talk it out, sometimes just sit next to each other or in each others arms while listening to each other cry. In those times of you two sharing words, apologies weren’t needed. Your tears spoke for you. But shame would often take over, then ignorance, and then the cycle started over and over again. Zuho, who, to your unbeknownst, analysed those situation more than you thought, took the courage to speak up about it in another of your rough conversations.

Zuho: “-Y/N I understand you... I have, in fact, two weeks ago. We have been at this point. Aren’t you tired of all of this? Why can’t we break out of this cycle? Everytime we two barely make it through the last argument and seem to make a good end, it all starts again because one of us is too full of themselve to admit we are having a problem. Listen I- I love you okay? I know we have said that like... maybe thrice in the last two months but honestly I just feel so exhausted when I hear it from you. I wanna accept it. I really do but can’t you imagine that every time I think we found a good basis and the hill is going up my hopes of us getting closer are thrown out the window because of a stupid fight? All this is stupid!”

Y/N: “...Gosh Babe I know I KNOW you’re right and I wish I could show you how I feel the same but... i feel like you say you understand but in fact you don’t because if you did you would’ve changed things... I don’t know but the past year I have always been the one to take steps towards you and my strength to do that is slowly fading. I feel like I am running on hot coals when sometimes I feel like I deserve for you to come and pick me up and carry me on your hands. I don’t wanna blame you here but I fear I just don’t have the mentality anymore and it- it destroys me from the inside. Why is it so hard for you to just give back a bit of love? I see we both seem delighted by the concept of ‘give and take’ but do you know how hard of a punch in the face it is for me when you say you cannot take my ‘I love you’s” serious anymore but then demand that I put down my guard of basic needs for love when in all those years this was your main problem and you NEVER made an attempt at stepping out of your bubble? Zuho that is taking but never giving!”

Zuho: “Y/N WHY THE FUCK DON’T YOU TRY TO BE BETRAYED YOUR WHOLE LIFE AND THEN TRUST PEOPLE AGAIN? I-”

You flinched.

Zuho: “Shit Sorry... excuse me I didn’t mean to yell I- *sigh*”

Y/N: “No Zuho, you meant that. Sometimes, and I am sorry for what I am about to say but I can’t do this anymore, sometimes I desperately wish for us to fight after we didn’t talk for a week because I really hope we find each other in fights where we end up in each others arm just crying... Because that has been the ONLY time over the last year where we have truely been emotionally on the same level and where we exchanged some kind of affection. Shit we don’t even have Sex anymore Zuho!”

Zuho: “We did have reconciliation Sex-”

Y/N: “ ZUHO WAKE UP! That has literally been hate Sex! Do YOU not ever wish to be held gently? To be carrased??? Surprise, surprise: I DO!”

The long pause that filled the air made you anxious.

Zuho: “I... I really have never given you the attention you deserve, have I?”

His question made you unbelievably sad and heartbroken, tears started running.

Y/N: “No Zuho... you haven’t. And I am shook it took you three years to realise. I... *sob* Zuho I know I haven’t been nice to you over the last year either. But I was desperate and helpless. All those fights I started were a call in hope for you to wake up. Everytime I tried talking sublty about it, trying to approach you to rationally talk about my needs I hoped for you to do better but you took it personally and made it seem like I had bad intentions. I noticed that if this wouldn’t work and that you would only yell at me- I thought yelling back would be the only way to get through to you...”

Zuho has long started crying too, holding his hands infront of his face, running them through his hair, walking up and down the apartment and sitting back down again.

Y/N: “And YES Zuho. I DO wanna apologize for all the things I have said. But don’t you realise that while I know you deeply wanted to fight your commitment issues, you pushed me away and did the exact opposite? I don’t wanna reach out anymore. I love yo-  ahrrghh I don’t dare to say it when you might think I don’t mean it but I always meant it. And Zuho I still do, but I need to safe myself now.”

Zuho was shaking his head. He couldn’t get himself to look into your eyes because that meant accepting the situation. His breathing got heavier and heavier until he broke down and all came out. He just realised that he was the perfect example of ‘People only start to appreciate something when they lost it’ and he did not want to see your crying form because that meant to look at what he had done, how he broke you and how your instability was his fault. 

Zuho: “Please no... Please tell me WHY WHY WHY when all we want is to be loved- WHY can’t we take the courage to do it NOW? Y/N please tell me you give this a chance if you love me! This can’t end like this, I was so so stupid PLEASE I can’t loose you! I- I-”

Zuho was now facing you, begging on his knees while you sat on your shared sofa, his head laying on your thighs and his arms hugging your lower body so tight in fear of letting you go, feeling his tears on your legs. You had to wipe your own away, fast enough for them not to hit Zuho but you have never felt something so heavy in that moment and it was too hard for you to hold all of them back.

Y/N: “Zuho I- I start to think that I used to love the old you. I loved the thought of naive little me thinking I now found my prince and that now my time to be loved has come and I miss the time I found joy in us. I was disappointed once and I just cannot handle a second time and I don’t want to take the risk. That’s delusional for both me AND you. Gosh you don’t know how hard it is for me right now but-”

Zuho: “No, No, NO I am begging you please don’t say it please Y/N I cannot handle another person leaving me... I can’t!”

Y/N: “I know Zuho, I know but it has to be said! I don’t think we do each other good and for both our sakes it is better for each of us to start and learn to love and accept ourselves first and... and learn how to deal with our issues first and-”

You took a deep breath.

Y/N: “I think it’s time to end this relationship.”

Zuho’s sobbing got immense in that exact same moment, he had difficulties containing his breathing and when he started to stand up to furiously walk through the apartment it stung like a knife right through your heart to see his red eyes, his puffy lips and cheeks, you so badly desired to hold him, kiss him and tell him that everything is going to be fine but you promised yourself you wouldn’t lie to yourself ever again. Seeing him like this, who you always dreamed about would love you, made you do him justice and you broke down in whimmers too, holding your hand against your mouth, your vision blurring due to all the tears collecting themselves.

The scene was pure heartbreak and the world you two tried to poorly create fell apart,

finally...

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I wrote this for a friend of mine and while I wrote this I thought “Wow Niwi are you okay? This is damn sad”... I am not. I was bawling my eyes out the whole time- I really hope you enjoy this one. Niwi~

[kpophours]

Waiting for Love (M)

➵ SF9: Zuho x fem. reader / one shot, college AU / angst, fluff, smut / REQUESTED

➵ warnings: explicit mentions of sex (oral: receiving/giving), mentions of drinking/alcohol, jealous behavior, slight cursing 

➵ word count: 3.9k

As soon as you walk through the door, the noise of too many people laughing, screaming and singing along to the extremely loud music hits you and you almost flinch. The party is apparently already in full swing - and it’s not even midnight yet. You pass a few people you know, lazily waving at them and continuing to look for your friends. You spot Harper in the kitchen, just about to fill a cup with beer while animatedly talking to Dawon, another of your friends. You push past two people, almost getting shoved into a giant of a man, but then, you finally reach your friends - and sling one arm around Harper’s neck, hugging her playfully. 

“What’s up, girl!”, she squeals and pulls you even closer, placing a wet kiss on your cheek and making you hiss in playful disgust. She laughs at your reaction and, after you quickly hug Dawon too, hands you a full cup of beer. You take a sip and gaze around the kitchen area, eyes flitting over the many people standing around and talking to each other over the loud music. “Where’s our birthday boy?”, you finally ask and Harper shrugs. “I have no idea. Last time I saw Hwi, he was trying to defeat Jaeyoon at beer pong and… lost. It was pretty embarrassing, to say the least.” 

You giggle and shake your head at that mental image.

Of course Jaeyoon wouldn’t let Hwiyoung win, not even on his birthday.

“And where is-”, you begin to asks, but Harper immediately interrupts you: “Zuho?” She grins, making you roll your eyes at her and shrug, but she knows you too well. “I don’t think he’s here yet.”, she finally answers and you just tilt your head to one side, trying to appear unaffected by her statement. Dawon grins and leans closer. “You and Zuho then, huh?”, he asks, voice hushed and secretive. You reply by shoving him playfully and leaving the kitchen again, their teasing laughter following you into the living room.

After searching around for a bit, you finally find Hwiyoung - already very intoxicated - and congratulate him on turning a year older. He smiles angelically at you and takes the way too expensive bottle of vodka from you, thanking you excitedly and asking you to play a round of beer pong with him - which you do.

Unlike Jaeyoon, you let him win. Taking advantage of his half-drunken state just seems wrong - and he’s way too cute when he finally manages to defeat you, giving you his signature gummy smile and ruffling your hair.

After making the younger man promise to drink some water soon, you greet some other friends, clinking cups with them and drowning the last of your drink. Suddenly, you spot a familiar and beloved face in the crowd. “Rowoon!”, you yell excitedly and wave at him, darting around the many bodies separating you and almost flinging yourself at the tall man and into his arms. He chuckles at your eagerness and hugs you close, his soft scent enveloping you entirely. You sigh and bury your face into his chest. 

“Missed me?”, he asks when you finally take a step back, a soft yet somewhat cocky smile on his face. You roll your eyes at him and shove him playfully, but can’t help to smile too. “Of course I did! You’ve been gone for two weeks - that’s so long!” He laughs, dark eyes glittering. “Well, even though the excursion was very interesting, I’m glad to be back too. Wouldn’t want to miss this party, after all!”, he says while slinging one arm around your shoulder and walking you back towards the kitchen. Rowoon fills one of the many red cups with beer before looking at you, a silent question on his face. You simply hand over your empty cup and he fills it to the brim. You playfully clink your cups together before taking a deep sip. Rowoon sighs contently, tongue darting out of his mouth to wet his lips. “I missed the gang. Where are the others? Where’s Harper? And Zuho?”, he asks, standing on his tiptoes - not that it’s really necessary as he easily towers over most people - and scanning the room. You shrug. “Harper and Dawon are here already, I saw them earlier. No idea about Zuho though.”, you answer, feeling a blush creep on your cheeks at the mention of your crush’s name.

You and Zuho had gotten to know each other thanks to Dawon, who’d been your project partner during your first semester at college. You had taken a liking to the slightly eccentric and chaotic man from the very beginning, and he soon introduced you to lots of new people - some of them actually being your closest friends now. Zuho had joined your group of friends a few months later as he was part of the same hockey team as Dawon. Being a rather quiet and almost stoic person at first but a rather fun and lively one if one got to know him a bit better, he had quickly caught your interest - and you had made it your mission to befriend him.

Which had worked rather well.

… Maybe too well.

Because you have long fallen for him - but he appears to be completely oblivious to your feelings, never really reacting to any of your flirting and behaving like any good friend would.

Harper - sharp, witty Harper - had quickly noticed your feelings for the handsome man, trying to help you to the best of her abilities: making sure you always sat beside one another during lunch breaks or your monthly cinema visits, complimenting you in front of him and making him agree with her and so on. But still, Zuho had never once tried to make a move on his own - and by now, you’re just… fed up.

If only there was an off-switch for your feelings, that would make things much easier for you.

Rowoon pokes your cheek, making you jump. He laughs at your reaction, tilting his head to one side. “Where were you with your thoughts just now, hm? I’ve been trying to get your attention for seconds now.”, he says, rather amused at your slightly red face. You smile, a bit embarrassed. “Sorry, I was lost in thought.”, you reply and quickly drain the rest of your cup, placing it back on the kitchen counter, “Care to dance?” 

Your friend looks surprised for a few seconds before agreeing and taking your hand, pulling you with him through the many bodies towards the dance floor. He places both hands on your hips while you wrap your arms around his neck, your bodies beginning to move to the rhythm of the music. You lose yourself to the melody and bass, closing your eyes and enjoying the feeling of moving your body to the powerful song. When you open your eyes again, you see Rowoon gazing down at you, eyes half-lidded and pupils blown wide. For the second time this night, his tongue darts out of his mouth to wet his lips and your heartbeat suddenly speeds up. 

Objectively, you obviously know that Rowoon is handsome, extremely so. He’s easily one of the best-looking guys on campus, hands down. But you never really thought about him like that - he’s just Rowoon, your way too tall, kind of clumsy and slightly dorky friend. But right now, he looks… sexy. The dark hair clings to his forehead, his face is slightly flushed and his dark eyes bore into yours. You are giddy and feel like anything is possible tonight. But you also know that you’re slightly drunk right now - and so is Rowoon apparently, having almost zero alcohol tolerance. He pulls you even closer then, head lowering towards your face and you exhale shakily.

Before you can close your eyes though, you spot blonde, familiar hair out of the corner of your eye. You whip your head around and gaze at Zuho, who sports a rather surprised and almost hurt expression when he sees you. Immediately, you pull out of Rowoon’s embrace, making the tall man huff in confusion at your sudden retreat. Before you can rush towards Zuho and greet him though, the blonde man is already walking towards you, gently grabbing your right arm. “Let’s get out of here.”, he says, deep voice tight. You raise one eyebrow at his tone and look from him to Rowoon and back again. Opening your mouth to reply, you suddenly feel another hand on left other arm, this one belonging to Rowoon. “I think she can decide on her own if she wants to leave or not.”, he says, tone of voice challenging. Zuho presses his lips into a tight line, jaw ticking while he silently gazes at you - waiting for you to make a decision. 

You exhale and turn towards Rowoon, gently prying his fingers from your arm. “We’ll talk tomorrow.”, you say softly and turn around to face Zuho again, nodding for him to lead the way. To your surprise, he grabs your hand and interlaces your fingers, pulling you with him, past the sweaty bodies of the dancing people and out of the house. Outside, he immediately lets go of your hand again, burying both hands in the pockets of his dark jeans and kicking a stone from the ground - it flies away and into the darkness. For a few seconds, it’s silent between you two. Then, Zuho clears his throat and looks at you, dark eyes full of anger. “So, you and Rowoon then, huh?”, he asks - using the same words Dawon had earlier this night. 

You raise both eyebrows, mouth falling open. “What?!”, you say, sounding incredulous. Zuho just huffs and turns around, strolling through the garden and turning onto the sidewalk. You follow him hurriedly, falling into step beside him. “Rowoon and I what, Zuho?”, you ask, getting more irritated with every second. The tall man suddenly stops dead in his tracks and whirls around to face you. “You- you’re… you’re a thing, apparently!”, he answers, voice tight with anger. You gape at him, shaking your head. “Are you kidding me?”, you reply, this close to facepalming yourself - or him.

“I thought we were friends - I thought you would tell me something like that!”, Zuho continues, ruffling his hair in frustration and turning around again, continuing to walk towards - well, towards wherever he plans on going. You have to hurry to catch up with him, his long legs making it rather difficult. You stay silent for a few seconds, the alcohol in your system making it harder to focus. You finally notice that Zuho is actually walking you home - ever the gentleman, even when he’s angry at you. Before you reach your doorstep, you grab for his arm and stop him. His lips are pressed into a tight line again and his eyes are dark and cold. You gather your thoughts, taking a deep breath and finally opening your mouth - but Zuho beats you to it: “Goodnight, Y/N. Let’s just… forget about this. I want you to be happy and when Rowoon makes you happy, then-”, he inhales, “Then I’ll wish you all the luck. Go get some sleep now.” 

With that, he turns around and wants to leave you behind - but again, you grab for his arm. “Zuho, could you just listen to me for a second? Please?”, you ask, somewhat exasperated by now. He raises both eyebrows at your tone, but nods nevertheless. You exhale, relieved. “There’s nothing going on between me and Rowoon. We’re just friends, I promise.”

Zuho snorts and you glare at him, anger making you see red and react rather hot headed: “You know what?! I don’t get why you behave like a jealous boyfriend anyway! You have no right to behave like this right now, because we’re just friends as well! You have obviously zero interest in dating me, which is fine - ok well, it’s not, actually, but I can’t change the way you feel about me. But the way you’re treating me right now is really unfair, especially because I’ve done nothing wrong!” Before you’re able to continue rambling, Zuho is suddenly pulling you in his arms and then - finally - his lips are on yours. 

You yelp, surprised, but slowly relax into his arms, eyes closing and body reacting on its own. You wrap both arms around his neck, deepening the kiss. Zuho makes an approving sound in the back of his throat, hands sliding down your back until he places them on your waist, one of them slipping underneath your shirt to caress your soft, naked skin. When you break apart again, you’re both breathing hard, staring into each other’s eyes. “Well.. that was… rather unexpected.”, you say quietly and Zuho smiles, tilting his head. “Was it? I thought I’ve been rather obvious about my crush on you.”, he replies and you blink at him, incredulous. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”, you mutter, but before you can say anything else, his lips are on yours again and he’s walking you backwards until your back hits your front door, Zuho’s body pressing into yours at all the right places. 

Your kiss gets more heated by the second and you bury both hands in the soft strands of his hair, gently tugging at it and making him groan into your mouth, hips rocking against yours. You inhale sharply when you feel his semi press against your hip, and bite down on his lower lip, making him break away from you. His pupils are blown wide and he’s staring at you like he can’t believe that this is really happening right now. You almost smile at his expression, but when his hand slips under your shirt again and caresses the underside of your breast, the smile instantly dies on your lips. “L-let’s take this inside.”, you stutter, gently pushing Zuho away from you to search for your keys. 

You somehow make it to the third floor and into the flat you share with two roommates - both not being home for the weekend though, thankfully - without getting rid of any of your clothes. When the door to your apartment falls shut behind you again, Zuho immediately pulls you back into his arms, leaving open mouthed kisses all over your neck and collarbones, both hands slipping underneath your shirt again and pulling it up and over your head. He groans when he sees your lace bra, running one hand through his hair and pulling his lower lip between his teeth. “Fuck.”, he mutters under his breath before kissing you again. He walks you towards your room - having been in your flat countless of times before - without breaking the kiss and gently lays you on top of your white bed sheets, hovering above you and observing you with dark eyes for a few seconds. “We- we don’t have to do anything.”, he finally says, deep voice hushed. You lift both eyebrows, a smile tugging at your lips. “Oh no, we absolutely have to. I’ve been waiting for this for too long.”, you reply and he smirks, lifting one eyebrow in a cocky manner. “Have you now? Mhm, well… I guess I have to make up for something, then.” 

And with that, he quickly helps you out of your bra, lips closing around one nipple while one of his hands begins to gently massage your breast. Your head falls back into the pillows and you moan and gasp at the overwhelming sensations, more need and lust pooling between your legs. You can’t help but buck your hips to get a bit of fraction. Zuho chuckles at your neediness, his deep voice sending a shiver down your spine, and slips between your legs, grinding against you. Finally, he releases your nipple again, just to give the same attention to the other one. You bury both hands in his hair again and tug at it, making him suck harshly on your nipple. You gasp at the slight pain, feeling yourself grow even slicker. 

Finally, he draws back, taking in your flushed cheeks and hazy eyes, grinning to himself. He kisses you softly before sitting up and opening the buttons of your jeans, pulling them down your legs, your black panties following them quickly. You’re almost embarrassed when his gaze travels over your now completely bared body, but his eyes are filled with so much silent adoration that the need to cover yourself quickly evaporates again. He slides both hands over your calves, slowly traveling higher and over your thighs, until one hand dips between your legs. He quirks one eyebrow, smirking slightly when he feels your want and need, one finger circling your entrance and gathering some of your arousal. When one of his deliciously long fingers slowly sinks into your heat, you can’t help but gasp at the sensation, closing your eyes, back arching. 

He chuckles at your reaction. A second finger quickly follows and you feel almost perfectly full now. “M-more.”, you finally whimper and he adds a third finger, stretching you even more. His thumb lands on your clit, beginning to draw gentle patterns against it and quickly turning you into a moaning mess. You begin to pant, throwing one arm over your eyes and trying to stifle your noises by biting down on your bottom lip. “Oh no, princess, don’t do that.”, Zuho murmurs lowly, “I want to hear your pretty noises. And I want to see your face.” With that, he gently pries your arm away from your face and locks eyes with you, gaze dark and hooded. You moan when you see his almost predatory expression, gasping his name when he twists his fingers inside you and finds that one spot. One of your hands fists into the bed sheet underneath you while the other slides into your own hair, back arching under Zuho’s never-ending ministrations. You finally tumble over the edge and moan his name. When you begin to squirm under his caresses, both legs shaking badly, he finally withdraws and gazes at you, a loving expression on his face. 

He sucks his fingers clean without breaking eye contact, making you whimper at the sight. Then, he finally leans towards you and kisses you deeply. You slide both arms around him, impatiently tugging at his shirt and dragging it upwards. He draws back just to pull it over his head and throws it on the floor, quickly diving back into kissing you. You slide your hands over his soft skin, marveling at the beauty of his bare toro, illuminated by the silvery moonlight shining through the window and into your room. Finally, you open his belt and the buttons of his jeans. Zuho quickly gets up from the bed to step out of them, now only clad in black boxer briefs. “Those need to come off too.”, you whisper, tilting your head and smiling teasingly. He chuckles and pulls them down - when you see his length for the first time, you can’t help but moan. You can’t wait to taste him and hurriedly pull him on top of you again, kissing him passionately before gently pushing him on his back. 

You kiss a wet trail down his torso and stomach, drawing soft moans and gasps from his lips. Then, you kneel between his legs, hands ghosting over his thighs. You smirk when you see his cock twitch under your gentle caresses and look up at Zuho’s face. His bottom lip is pulled back between his teeth and his eyes are closed, one hand fisting into his own hair. When you slowly take his length into your mouth, lapping up the pre-cum with your tongue, he groans, your name spilling from his lips like a soft prayer. You take his cock as deeply as possible, almost choking on it. When the tip of his length hits the back of your throat, you begin to hollow out your cheeks and bob your head up and down, running your tongue along his shaft. Zuho hisses at the sensation, moaning your name again. You watch his abdominals clench with the effort of trying to keep control, until finally, he props himself up on his elbows and gently touches the back of your head. “Y-you should stop now.”, he says breathlessly and you release his cock with a slight pop. He pulls you up to his face again and kisses you feverishly, hands roaming your body in an almost desperate manner.

Suddenly, he flips you over, now hovering above you. “Condom?”, he asks, pressing a soft kiss against your lips. You silently nod towards your nightstand and just seconds later, Zuho rolls a condom over his length and slips between your legs, gazing down at you, a silent question on his face. You just nod once and he smirks, slipping between your folds and teasingly rubbing your clit with his cock, not entering you just yet. You whine, rocking your hips and he finally gives in, slowly sinking into you and making you both moan at the sensation. When he bottoms out, you need a few seconds to get accustomed to his length and girth and he gently presses his forehead to yours, giving you some time to adjust. “O-okay.”, you finally sigh against his lips and he smiles, before pulling almost all the way out just to slam back into you again, making you gasp and clench around him. He sets a quick pace then, drilling into you and turning you in a whimpering mess. He wraps your leg around his hips and hooks the other one over his shoulder, deepening the angle even further. The headrest of your bed repeatedly slams against the wall behind you thanks to Zuho’s powerful thrusts and you’re more thankful than ever for your roommates not being home tonight.

It doesn’t take long for you to start clenching around Zuho’s length, legs shaking and eyes closing when his thumb lands on your clit again. Your high barrels towards you, every snap of his hips and press of his thumb bringing you closer until you finally snap, complete bliss washing over you while Zuho’s name spills from your lips. He groans when he feels you clench around him, picking up the pace to guide you through your orgasm before he finally reaches his own high as well, spilling into the condom and coming to a halt, breathing heavily. He kisses you, tongue sliding into your mouth while one hand gently cups your cheek. When you break apart again, Zuho smiles happily. You return it immediately, nuzzling his nose.

“I’m sorry for my behavior earlier.”, he murmurs against your lips, eyes earnest. Your smile only widens at that. “Oh, don’t worry about it. I’m… kind of glad it happened, to be honest. Otherwise you’d probably never confessed to me.”, you chuckle and he just grins and nods before carefully pulling out of you, discarding of the condom. After helping you clean yourself, he slips between the covers of the bed again, pulling you close to his warm body.

“I-... I love you.”, Zuho finally says and your heart skips a beat at his confession. You gaze at him, a smile tugging at your lips. “I love you too.”, you answer and he exhales, relieved. He kisses you gently and you smile against his lips before burying your head against his chest, eyes closing when exhaustion washes over you.

You fall asleep listening to his steady heartbeat.

[masterlist] | [requests] 

[fanfic-wonderland]

SF9 as The Office Chatacters (Without Context)

Yes, I did a thing.

Youngbin as Gabe

Inseong as Pam

Jaeyoon as Jim

Dawon as Michael

Rowoon as Kelly

Zuho as Toby

Taeyang as Erin

Hwiyoung as Phyllis

Chani as Ryan

[realllllfangirllllll]

Entertainment

Mafia!Zuho x Female Reader AU

SF9 Masterlist

Main Masterlist

———

(1/3 of the unpublished SF9 Mafia drafts)

Summary: Left alone by your mafia boyfriend who headed to a meeting with the Chinese mafia, you were in dire need of attention and entertainment. So you decided to leave the confines he had set up and venture out to find the perfect entertainment.

Genre: Dark? Slightly suggestive? 

Warnings: Sadistic themes, violence, blood, and death. Proceed only if you are comfortable with reading darker fictional pieces.

Word Count: 1.8k

A/N: This work is purely fictional. Events and details portrayed in it are also fictional and should not be taken seriously as they are violent and illegal. 

———

It was a late Friday night and you were left alone in the spacious penthouse. No drinks. No entertainment. No Zuho. You couldn't bear the boredom anymore and took a cab to your favorite nightclub.

You stepped into the luxurious venue and felt a sense of freedom. For weeks now, Zuho has left you alone in his penthouse as he went off to do whatever business he had with the mafia. At first, you loved that you captured the heart of the deadly, sadistic mafia leader. But every now and then, you loved being the stubborn bitch that defied the mafia leader even more.

Unlike Zuho’s fellow gang members, you got away with whatever you did. If a gang member did as little as forget to properly greet Zuho, he will die in the blink of an eye. You, on the other hand, had an advantage. Even if you attacked the bodyguards he sent to protect you and headed to a nightclub for fun, Zuho wouldn’t dare hurt his precious lover.

You knew Zuho had the biggest soft spot for you and you always used that to your benefit. After all, what can get any more fun than teasing the most dangerous man on Earth? And deep down, you knew Zuho loved how sadistically stubborn you could get. It was as if he was staring at his own reflection. In all honesty, that was how you charmed the menacing man in the first place. So tonight, you will show Zuho just how charming you can get.

The nightclub was packed with people as usual and you made your way to the bar. “Miss y/n. I don’t see Zuho here tonight.” The handsome bartender commented as he started making your usual cocktail. He placed the drink on the marble countertop and chuckled to himself, “I guess it’ll be another night of trouble then.” You winked at him and grabbed the Moscow Mule before you spun around in the expensive barstool.

You crossed one leg over the other, perfectly showcasing your bare leg through the slit of your sultry, silk dress. Your eyes scanned the venue for your prey before your peripheral vision caught the shadow of your boyfriend. You slightly tilted your head to the left and saw his cold, indifferent expression. You laughed to yourself. His quick appearance at the club only meant one thing: your beaten-up bodyguards have reported back to him about your whereabouts. Quite frankly, you expected him to arrive later since he just had a meeting with the Chinese mafia in Shanghai. 

Zuho nonchalantly walked to the VIP corner with his eight loyal members by his side. Your eyes followed your boyfriend as he took off his expensive coat and threw it on the velvet sofa. He sat manspread on the luxurious furniture, making eye contact with you, and tapped his lap. You smirked and stared back with a mischievous glint in your eyes. It was obvious what your boyfriend’s intentions were. His seated position served as a warning to you: Come sit on my lap and stay out of trouble. He wanted everyone in this club to know who you belonged to but you weren’t just going to give him the satisfaction, especially not after he had left you alone for more than a week in boredom. 

You broke the staring contest with him and scanned the crowd once more. Your eyes landed upon a decent-looking man with an aura of conceit and patriarchal pride. He was sitting at one of the tables for non-regulars, which caught your eye. You smiled to yourself knowing he probably had no clue who your boyfriend was. He was drinking with his friends and arrogantly talked down to the women around him. His eyes met yours as you smiled seductively and winked at him. You shall be my prey tonight. 

Just then a tall figure appeared by your side and ordered the bartender in a firm voice, “Bring the heaviest malt whiskey to the boss’s table.” The man turned his head towards you and continued to tell the bartender, “The boss is going to need something strong tonight.” Your eyes never left the prey who got up off his seat and started to make his way towards you. The tall man beside you chuckled, “Go easy on him y/n. We just got back from a long-ass flight. The next thing we need is a puddle of blood on our hands.”

You got up from your seat, ready to lure your prey into the trap. “Oh I’m sorry to hear that, Inseong.” You turned to the tall man and feigned sympathy, “Then I guess I’ll have to take him someplace more subtle.” You smirked at him and whispered, “Please relay that to your boss, thanks love.”

With a wink, you pounced on your prey with a confident stride and wrapped your arms around his neck. You dragged him to the dance floor and whispered into his ears while making eye contact with your boyfriend who sat in the corner with an amused expression, “Hey handsome. Let’s take this to the private room, shall we?”

The oblivious man agreed almost immediately and placed his hand on your lower waist, guiding you to the private lounge rooms. Before you disappeared into the room, you glanced back and saw Zuho with the sleeves of his dress shirt rolled up as he emptied the glass of liquor in front of him. You chuckle to yourself and dragged your prey into the room.

Once the door shut, you lightly pushed the man onto the couch and smirked at him. “You look like you work out. Do you?”

He chuckled in response and arrogantly said, “Of course I do baby. How else does a handsome face like this have a body this amazing?” You laughed with him as he began stripping the clothing from his upper body. Slowly, you made your way toward him and scanned his body. You chuckled in approval and sat down beside him. The man looked at you with a sly grin, “What’s wrong baby? Shy?” 

You chuckled at his words and leaned into his ears to whisper to him. “Me? Shy? Never. Are you ready to play a game?” He nodded eagerly in response and you smiled, “Good!” You grabbed a wine bottle on the glass table and poured yourself a glass. You casually leaned back against the couch and gave him a heads up in amusement, “Start getting your muscles ready, big boy.” He looked at you in confusion before the door violently swung open.

The half-naked man flinched at the sudden barge in and yelled at the intruder, “Who the fuck are you? Get out! Can’t you see we’re busy?”

The intruder didn’t respond and you giggled, “How was Shanghai, Taeyang?” The man responded with an eye roll as the man beside you turned to you in confusion. Taeyang stepped aside and Zuho walked into the room with a hint of anger in his expression at the visual in front of him. “And who the fuck are you? That dude’s lover? Get another room!” The man beside you angrily spewed and this time you doubled over in laughter as he impulsively yelled at your boyfriend.

Your eyes followed Zuho as he turned to the entrance and spoke with Taeyang. “Watch the door,” he commanded in a deep, menacing voice. The man obeyed immediately as Zuho turned his attention back to the two of you and shut the door behind him in an eerily calm way.

His sleeves were rolled up and you saw the veins that ran along the side of his arms. He clenched his fist at the sight of you sprawled on the couch and you winked at him in response, “Hey boss, what took you so long?” You teased him. He let out a deep chuckle, “His blood is on your hands, kitten.”

You amusingly gave him an “okay” gesture with your hand before the man beside you stiffened. Zuho pulled out a knife from the side of his belt and replied sarcastically, “I came in such a rush I forgot to bring a gun. But this will do right, kitten?” You chuckled and turned to the man next to you who was now profusely sweating, “Game on!”

The man held his hands out in defense and stuttered, “W-wait man! I d-didn’t know s-she was yours. Look, t-this was a mistake p-please let me go.”

Zuho smirked and replied darkly, “You should’ve thought twice when you decided to touch something that wasn’t yours.”

As your boyfriend pounced on the defenseless man, you sat on the couch with your arms crossed and scoffed, “I’m not yours. If I was, I would most certainly not be babysat by your boring bodyguards for almost two weeks with no entertainment.”

Zuho scoffed in disbelief as he swiftly slit the man’s arms and stabbed him in the leg. “Is this enough entertainment for you?” The man was now crawling on the floor and you looked down at him indifferently. You shrugged, “I guess.”

Your boyfriend let out a deep chuckle and sat down beside you, placing the knife coated in blood on the glass table and took the wine glass from you. He kissed your soft, liquor-coated lips and said in a deep, amused tone, “Sober up kitten. I’m too tired from the flight so you’re finishing the game.”

You rolled your eyes and grabbed the bloody knife on the table. Zuho stared at the sight in front of him, immensely turned on by his girlfriend nonchalantly harboring a weapon. You gazed into his dark, lustful eyes with a sly grin. “Since when did alcohol influence my aim?”

The man on the floor reached the entrance and started desperately pounding on the door. You turned to the scene and chuckled in amusement as Zuho pulled you closer to his body. His breath tickled your ears as he whispered huskily, “Finish the game, kitten.”

“As you wish.” You sent the knife flying across the room and onto the wailing man’s heart as the pounding and screams disappeared.

You felt your boyfriend’s bloody hand touch your cheek as he turned you to face him. His thumb caressed your soft skin as he praised, “Where did I find such a beautiful person like you?”

You smirked at him and in a flash, he pushed you onto his lips as your equally bloody hand reached for the back of his neck. You sighed into the kiss and mumbled, “I missed you so much, Zuho.”

He chuckled and grabbed your hand from behind his neck. He intertwined his fingers with yours, pulling you up off the couch. “Let’s go back to the penthouse shall we kitten?”

You eagerly nodded and headed out the entrance. On your way out, the both of you stepped over the lifeless figure and out the door. You turned to the man guarding the door and said amusingly, “Sorry for the mess, Taeyang. Have fun cleaning it up!”

———

[you-did-well-moon]

Sf9 reaction to s/o on their period

Type: fluff uwuwuuwu

A/n: oh god, fun fact, I got my first period on Halloween. I think I laughed too hard and it just- Moving on. I don't have a lot of cramps, but when I do, they’re bad T-T. I remember rolling around the floor screaming “I don't want to be a girl anymore” while my mom watched from the kitchen. She then told all my aunts. ahaha actually moving on now. On to the reaction. Don't be afraid to talk to me or to request - Moon

Youngbin

Youngbin strikes me as the type of person to make sure he really wants a relationship with someone before confessing, so you’re basically his ride or die and he’d do anything for you. That being said, congratulations, you have this boy wrapped around your finger. Your boyfriend is now your personal maid. He’s the type to make you feel good. Your tummy hurts? He’s trying to make it better by massaging it. You're suddenly upset with him because of a mood swing? Youngbin will take it like a champ smiling softly at you and crushing you into his arms while wondering how you can be so cute while pouting at him for accidentally leaving your favorite cup too high for you to reach. Youngbin already showers you in compliments, but he always manages to take it up a notch while you’re on your days of the month. Youngbin will surprise you with cute little things like a bath with a bath bomb and rose petals, your favorite flowers, or proposing to bake a cake together and making a mess of the kitchen. 

“Your pants don't fit because your tummy is bloated babe. It’s normal. Just wear some sweatpants. You look beautiful either way”

Inseong

Every time, Inseong will be a bit awkward with you. Not because you’re on your period, but because he wants to do nice things for you. He’s just worried he’s doing too much or that he’s being clingy. Eventually, (after some reassurance from you because he will end up talking to you about it) he’ll grow comfortable trying to take your mind off things by doing sweet random gestures. If you’re craving something, you’ll find it on your bed by the end of the day with a sticky note accompanied by a cute pick-up line on it. If you’re on your way to work/school, Inseong will send you a text to check your gallery where you find silly selfies he took while you were probably getting ready. He will make you lay your head on his lap with tinted cheeks, and he'll read to you even exaggerating some of the dialogue parts to make you laugh. If you’re having a particular bad day, you will get met with Inseong’s unsure smile with a blanket fort behind him and your favorite movie ready to play on his laptop.

“Eh? Those cookies on your bed? Me? No no, you got it all wrong. It was probably Casper trying to make one of the most angelic people in the world show her lovely smile again”

Jaeyoon

Jaeyoon’s energy will literally sky rocket every time you're on your time of the month. Homeboy is probably preparing jokes for you two weeks prior to your period (yes, he will keep track of your period that's just how much of a boyfriend he is). He loves seeing his girl laugh, and he wants you to spend the week your mood usually gets bought down happy. Especially because of him. This dude will not be afraid to tease you. Nothing about your period like staining the bed. He teases you about things he’s always teased you about like tripping on nothing. If you’re having a particularly bad day and Jaeyoon’s lighthearted teasing gets to you, he won’t hesitate to smother you in kisses. If you’re still mad at him, he’ll follow you around pouting and acting cute for your forgiveness. You of course, give in. Something cute I think Jaeyoon would do is sit you down, your hands clasped in his and his forehead pressed against yours holding eye contact with you making you tell him all the good things that happened in your day. He’ll give you a little kiss for every good things you tell him.

“Come on y/n, you know I didn't mean it when I laughed at the toilet paper stuck to your shoe. I can't have your cute little butt slipping because of toilet paper. I know! I’ll impersonate Dawon when he accidentally ate nail polish for you.”

Dawon

Did someone order a koala? That’s basically what he becomes every time your time of the month comes around. He’ll act a bit clingier than usual (okay maybe a lot), but if you ask for space, he won’t falter in taking a step back and letting you breathe. The only reason Dawon goes into koala mode when you’re on your period is because he wants to be there in case you need/want something. Honestly, he’ll probably do something stupid like draw on your face while you were taking a nap. He will be whiny the rest of the day when you scold him. In his defense, he thought you could both laugh about it when you eventually did get up. He makes it better by letting you do something he normally doesn't let you do because he gets flustered and blushes a lot. He lets you cuddle him trace and touch his tattoos with a limited time offer of cuddles (it's not that limited). Of course you've seen his tattoos a hundred times before, but he’s usually asleep for it. In turn, he will trace lines across the slopes of your face mumbling how his day went against the crown of your head.

“What do you mean you have to go to the restroom? The restroom can fit two people. Ouch- okay I’ll get off of you just come back ASAP. I don't think I can take being too far away from you for too long”

Zuho

Juho will make sure you’re having the time of your life the whole time you're on your days. He invites you to his studio where you have crazy dance parties singing and rapping to one of his songs while you dance around with colorful wigs and other wacky accessories.  He plays stupid games with you like paper rock scissors sticking out his tongue at you when you lose but still handing you his last Skittle. If you don't want to go out, that's perfectly fine for him too. He snuggles up to you on the couch while watching a scary movie spilling popcorn everywhere and screaming in an unbelievably high pitch. He’s just trying to make your period as not miserable as he can. He becomes even softer for you (if that’s even possible). He lets you play with his hair or put crazy makeup on him. Although he may look grumpy while in the process, he goofily laughs posing ridiculously when you tell him he looks pretty. He’s even letting you distract him in the studio tickling you when you grab his attention for too long.

“I never thought I'd look this good in long pink hair. You got the lyrics wrong but I'll let it pass since you’re cute.. and I love you”

Rowoon

Seokwoo usually teases you a lot, but he eases up on it when you’re on your period.He will bring you tea and pills when you’re having cramps watching worriedly as you curl up in pain. He runs his hands though your hair softening the crease between your eyebrows and shushing you softly when you whine out in pain. He will push you to eat saying the healthier your body is the better you will feel after your period ends. He contentedly smiles watching you fondly when you eat what he made. He will bring you outside and make you play something simple such as catch telling you he read on the internet that moving around will help ease up the pain in your lower abdomen. He is very patient with you when you get overly sensitive over something listening to you talk waving your arms around while internally thinking of how cute you look crying at Finding Nemo. He then eventually herds you to the bed telling you take a nap tucking you in and leaving a kiss against your forehead rubbing his nose against yours playfully before leaving to shower promising to join you later.

“Come on love, let's take a nap. I promise you’ll feel better when you wake up. See your beautiful self later babe, rest up”

Taeyang

Taeyang will also be one to tease his girlfriend, but he will change up his teasing. Instead of teasing you to annoy you, he'll do it more to bring up your mood and make you laugh. He pinches your cheek and calls you cute. Actually, you didn't advise him when you were on your period until you were sure the relationship was serious. When you first told him, Taeyang was a bit awkward, but he quickly shook it off smiling and nodding asking if you needed anything. Knowing how sensitive you can get during your time of the month, he’ll get a bit protective (not overbearing) of you. If a member teases you, he sends them a small sharp glare. He will make sure you don't watch that movie that makes you cry every time. He will make sure you spend your days while on your period as relaxed as you can. Taeyang would take you on walks with beautiful flowers and plants along the path smiling as you take everything in beaming in delight. He will stay at home with you playing his guitar while conversing about random topics with you.

“This isn't the first time you've seen those flowers jagi, yet you still stop to look at them every time. You're too adorable for your own good sometimes angel”

Hwiyoung

Hwiyoung will be the member who will be the shyest when you first tell him you're on your period. He’ll probably also freak out the most when you start curling in on yourself because of some painful cramps. He probably runs around the house looking for something that can help you until you eventually tell him what kind of pills to get you and to heat up a water bottle. There’s nothing to worry about, he will definitely be more prepared for next time. He will constantly ask you if he can do anything for you, and he gets a hang of what helps you out the most. Hwiyoung spends a lot of time with you goofing off and playing around. He draws with you purposefully giving you a big nose while drawing you and cackling when you lightly throw a pencil in his direction. Something you guys would probably do is intentionally get movies many say are bad and laugh while watching them. When you fall asleep on his shoulder tired of the day’s activities, he will fondly gummy smile at you before gently shaking awake to go to bed.

“What do you mean your uterus is murdering you? Is that normal? Oh- please don't cry. Tell me what I can do to take the pain away love”

Chani

Early in the relationship, when you first tell him about your period, he will observe you quietly. He just wants to see how he can help you out, so he doesn't do anything wrong when he’s trying to take care of you while you’re on your days of the month. After getting a good look at what he can do to help you out, he will be more active around you when you’re on your period. He will take many naps with you softly singing you to sleep and resting your head in the crook of his arm lightly running his hands up and down your arm. He will act cute only for you when he sees you’re having a hard time. He sits next to the bathtub when you’re in the bath he prepared for you, and he even massages your shoulder before throwing a towel at your face telling you to finish so you could go watch some movies. He’s playful with you chasing you around your apartment spinning you around when he catches you. He smiles warmly at you and chuckles lowly when you give him those puppy eyes asking if you can go to the corner store to get snacks. He just ruffles your hair agreeing a second later.

“So what if this is the fifth nap we’ve had this day. We both need our rest. Now go to sleep and dream of me”

[be-your-fantasy]

~ Care ~

Zuho x Reader (couple)

Genre: slight angst maybe? + Fluff Summary: Deadlines at work are crushing you and you aren’t taking care of yourself, thankfully your wonderful boyfriend is here to the rescue.

Warnings: nudity though not sexual Word Count: 1,179

~

You had been staring at the screen in front of you for what felt like days, which wasn't far from the truth. You enjoyed your work most of the time, but when the company gave you projects with very short deadlines it put you under a lot of pressure. This also was not helped by your boyfriend, Juho, having a very full schedule himself. You found peace in him that you struggled to find elsewhere, the overwhelming stress clawing up your back with ferocity.

You wanted nothing more than to be pulled into his embrace, so warm and loved. You and Juho had planned to spend Saturday together just the two of you, but today was Tuesday and Saturday has never felt so far away.

You stared so intently, desperately, at the screen hoping the issues before you would somehow sort themselves out so you could finally get some sleep. You were so focused that you didn't notice your phone vibrating gently on the table beside you and the face you loved so much lighting up the screen.

You grasp your hair in frustration, a mixture of confusion and fatigue setting into your features. Tears began to roll down your cheeks and soft cries escaped your lips. You were so absorbed that you did not hear the keys turning in the front door.

Juho walked into the quiet apartment, nervous that you had not answered his calls. His schedule today had ended sooner than had been planned and seeing you was forefront in his mind. Once he had taken a few steps in he heard your cries and raced toward the source, stopping in the doorframe to your bedroom.

"Y/N?!"

Your head jerked up from your hands and eyes flew to the door in surprise. You could barely make out his familiar frame through your bleary and bloodshot eyes, but his voice was unmistakable.

"Juju?" You said as a surprised whisper.

Before you knew it he was by your side, turning your chair to face him and crouching down to meet your gaze, his large and gentle hands on your cheeks wiping the tears away. He didn't have to ask why you were crying, he could see the empty cans of coffee and energy drinks on your desk and the fatigue that painted your beautiful features. He knew that your job could be stressful and you often worked yourself ragged to meet deadlines, he also knew that this meant self-care became a very low priority. He could feel the trembling in your hands as he took them in his own.

"When is the last time you ate?"

Seeing your head sink down in shame was all the answer he needed. He snaked his arms under yours and gently lifted you out of your chair, instructing you to wrap your legs around his hips as he carried you to the bathroom.

He gently sat you down on the counter as he began to run the bath, grabbing your favourite bath bomb and tossing it in. A burst of beautiful colours swirling in the water and relaxing scents rising with the steam. He turned to you and tugged at the hem of your shirt, pulling it over your head. He helped you down from the counter and continued to prepare you for your bath.

Just before you stepped into the warm water, Juho pulled you into a tight embrace, your naked body flush against him and your face buried in his chest. His calm demeanor being betrayed by his heavy and upset heartbeat. You hated him seeing you like this, you knew it hurt him to see you like this. It wasn't the first time, though you hoped it would be the last.

Guilt pooled in your stomach and you felt the tears return. He lifted your face to meet his own in a much needed and tender kiss. After what felt like forever, he rested his forehead to yours and breathed a long sigh.

"I love you so much Y/N, please take care of yourself when I can't be by your side. You are my world and I can't lose you."

You could hear the words catch in his throat, tears threatening to overflow in his eyes.

"I promise Juju, I promise."

He took your hands and helped you into the bath, he walked out of the room briefly to set out fresh pajamas on your bed before returning to help you wash your hair. Feeling his strong hands massaging your scalp nearly put you to sleep, it was just the relaxation you needed. You took some bubbles on the tip of your finger and gently placed them on the end of Juhos nose, creating the smile you so longed to see on his face.

He grabbed a towel while you stood up from the bath, he helped dry you off before wrapping the towel and his arms around you carrying you to the bed. Juho has this habit when you're tired or sad, he just loves carrying you and holding you close to his chest, shielding you as best he can from the things that plague your mind. He was helping you pull his big tshirt over your head when he heard the doorbell.

"I'll be right back, wait here." He said as he quickly stole a kiss from your lips.

You finished getting dressed, he had set aside one of his shirts and your fuzzy cat pajama shorts, your favourite combo! He came walking back to the bedroom, stopping at the closet along the way to grab a blanket, then reaching for your hand.

He lead you to the living room where the delicious scent of your favourite delivery food greets you. The beautiful smile that graces your face is all the reward he needed. You both enjoyed dinner wrapped up together on the couch watching cat videos and talking about the past week. As you finished you went to unravel yourself from the blanket and stand up.

"Where are you going?" He asks sternly knowing full well where you were headed.

"I just want to get a little more work in before bed." You said sheepishly knowing he would not be pleased with this response.

Without another word he quickly grabbed your hand and pulled you into his lap, knees around his hips straddling his thighs. He placed one hand on the back of your head and gently guided your head to his shoulder, placing sweet kisses by your ear.

"I think you've had enough for now, its bedtime."

You begin to quietly protest as you fight the sleep from your eyes, he gently pats your butt in response, his word was final.

He holds you close as he walks to bed with you in his arms, you were already asleep by the time he placed your head on the pillow. He quickly changed and joined you in bed, brushing aside your hair so he can place soft kisses on your neck before wrapping himself around you, giving you all of his warmth and love.

~

Hope you enjoyed! 💗

[zuholymama]

D-1 (M)

SF9 AU, takes place in The Purge universe.

Pairing: Zuho x OC (Female)

Words: 3.5k

Warnings: Smut

The smell of coffee pierced through her nose, waking Yuna up from her deep slumber. She fluttered her eyes open, realizing the sun lights have filled in her pearly colored bedroom. The first thing that she did was turning over to her side, to find the man she spent the night with wasn’t there.

“It’s cold…” Yuna noted in her head when her hand touched the empty sheet. However, the familiar coffee scent gave her a sense of comfort.

The red hair pulled away her blanket, bringing her feet to touch the comfort of the wool rug below. Only wearing her panties, she brought her naked body to the bathroom for a quick tooth brushing and a face wash. Closing the tap, Yuna looked at the mirror to see the ‘artwork’ her lover painted on her neck and shoulders.

“Hmph.” The woman smirked in satisfaction. She tied up her short hair before she walked back into the bedroom to find her partner’s black shirt was hanging on top of the sofa by the window. She didn’t hesitate to wear it, just like always.

Walking to the kitchen, she found her boyfriend was standing by the counter, making two cups of coffee. A latte for the red hair, hot americano for the blonde.

The tall man realized her presence and it brought a sweet smile on his face.

“Good morning, baby.” His deep voice called out to her, exciting her more than he realized.  

“Morning to you too, Juju.” She smiled as she sat across from him on the ceramic counter, feeling the cold stone under her bare thigh. “When did you wake up?”

“Half an hour ago, I guess.” The blonde man tilted his head, looking like he was thinking too hard about it. It’s silly, Yuna thought. But that’s her silly man. “Rowoon’s gonna come here soon.”

“For the gun?”

“Mmhm.”

Yuna merely nodded, easily acknowledging his partner’s closest friend will come for a visit. She took a glance on the wooden table in the living room where the silver suitcase was sitting on.

“You look sexy, by the way.” Juho said out of the blue, making her turn to face his way. Yuna could see his small smirk and his predatory eyes on her. “I think this is going to be my new favorite look.”

“You always say that every morning, baby.” The red hair scoffed.

“I know, but that’s my current favorite shirt. You look great in it. I’m serious.”

Rolling her eyes, Yuna laughed and took the cup of finished latte near him for a sip. “Mm, that’s delicious.”

Juho proceeded to drink his own, checking to see if she’s right. Not like he had to doubt it. He had always been confident in his coffee brewing skill.

As he was taking a sip, Juho took a peek of his girlfriend. His attention went to the marks he left on her fair skin, the proof of their ‘war’ from last night. The sight alone had woken up his slumbering desire.

Perhaps rather than a slumber, more like a nap. He got excited too easily.

“Like what you see?”

He merely raised his thin eyebrow.

“Seriously?” The woman laughed, amused with how he responded. “What are you thinking about, hm?”

Putting down his glass, Juho hummed as his palms both rested flat on top of the counter. His dark eyes were staring right back at Yuna, silently telling her his intention.

“Do you want me to say it?” The blonde man smirked, giving the woman a sudden tingle between her legs.

“Go ahead.” She said, acting tough in front of him even though she knew it’s futile. Juho could always see through her. His sharp eyes weren’t for nothing.

What she didn’t expect was when Juho started walking around the island, approaching her and stood right in front of her. Both of his arms caged the woman in her place, like a wolf keeping his prey. His face lifted up to stare right into her pair of brown eyes, close enough for him to slightly licked his small lips for a lowly whisper.

“I was wondering if I should show off my artwork here to my best pal later when he comes in…” He whispered. Each of his words were dripping like honey, slowly seeping down into her core. He brought his face closer towards her ear, continuing to speak about the things to embarrass her, “because suddenly I feel like bragging… I told you, you look hot this morning, baby.” He finished with a lick on her earlobe.

Yuna couldn’t hold in her groan. Juho’s deep voice and her ear had always been her weaknesses. Combining those two to wreck up her composure was a sure-kill. Her body was shivering all over, thinking about the scenario where Rowoon would see the bite marks and hickeys on her skin. Just thinking about it makes her feel embarrassed, where would she put her pride next?

Yet, she couldn’t deny the excitement that had been pooling under her panties.

“What’s wrong? What are you thinking… hm?” Juho grinned, biting his lip to suppress his giggles. “Do you think I don’t see your thighs acting weird?”

“Juho…” The woman finally let out a breathless whisper, she seemed to be letting the heat taking her over. That immediately turned the switch on for him.

“Spread out your legs.” The blonde man commanded. With his tone, there was no way she could say no.

Yuna did as she was told. She knew it was no use to hold it in. Now sitting properly on the edge of the counter, she let her legs dangling and spread them wide, enough to make a room for the beast to settle in. Her core was throbbing for contact, desperate to feel the touch she needed.

“Good girl.” Juho said before he started to kiss her gaping pink lips to seal her up, tasting the bitter drips of coffee he made before. The kiss was deep, feverish, and needy, eliciting sweet moans from within his lover’s throat. Both of Yuna’s hands were tugging on his short hair, slightly pulling the short strands and sucessfully making his pants bulging with need. His woman wanted him as much as he did.

Without breaking the kiss, Juho brought his hand to her entrance, rubbing the fabric to feel how wet she was.

“It’s soaked already.” The man grinned, feeling proud of his power over her.

“Thanks to you.” Yuna told her man, furthering to stroke his ego. But it was the truth. Juho could always find a way to break into her barriers. People said she was hard-willed, stubborn. Not with Baek Juho. She could never resist him. “Why don’t you do something about it?” She challenged with a teasing smirk.

“As if I wasn’t about to.” He darkly chuckled.

He proceeded to pull away her panties, throwing it near his feet and then proceeded to stroke her bare clit with his digit. Yuna immediately threw her head back. Her legs spread wider than before without control. His touch had always been welcomed whenever he wanted to.

Looking at her reaction, Juho started pushing in his long middle finger, successfully bringing out his lover’s sweet moan. His digit slid in easily because of how wet she was that she was dripping on the counter itself.

“Fuck, baby…” The woman cursed, feeling good with how he pumped his finger in and out.

“You’re so fucking wet hahaha.” The blonde man pointed out, looking at how his finger’s slicked with her wet sex. He then put the second finger in, knowing only one could never please her enough.

She moaned louder, whimpering and trembling with pleasure. She fluttered her eyes open, looking down to see how deep Juho’s fingers inside of her and it turned her on so much. Yuna went to halfway unbuttoned her shirt, seeking for the freedom of her burning, rosey skin. The oversized satin shirt easily fell off her shoulders, just enough to give Juho a view of her bare cleavage.

“F-faster…” The red hair whimpered. Her hips started to move according to his phase.

“Someone’s needy.” The man merely chuckled.

“Shut up and do it already!” The woman hissed in desperation.

What she didn’t expect was when her jaw was roughly grabbed by the other hand of her lover, forcing her to face his cold gaze and smirk. The sight of his face and the close proximity made her heart raced, like she was chased by wolves at night. The digits inside of her stopped moving, telling her who was currently in charge.

“That was disrespectful…” Juho muttered, low enough to send delicious shiver down her spine, “I don’t feel like giving you control. If you want it, you have to beg me.”

His words made her inner walls pulsated with need. She unknowingly clenched around his fingers, seeing how dominating her lover was to her. Usually, she would be in charge. He had always given her the freedom and control over him. But it seemed like Juho’s inner beast wouldn’t let her have her way this morning. She loved it when his big hand grabbed her jaws, she loved it when he spoke to her in this manner.

It felt like he really owned her.

Yuna had no choice but to obey.

“P... please…” The woman said, trying to make herself clear.

“Please what, Yuna?”

“Please… go faster…”

“I can’t hear you.”

“Oh God please just fuck me now already! I need you!” She shouted, finally lost her last bit of patience. Not like she had any in the first place.

“You’re unbelievable…” Juho shook his head. Suddenly, the bell rang once. Both of them immediately looked towards the front door. “That must be Rowoon.” The man grinned, amused with how things turned out. “That’s convenient. Come down.”

“Huh?”

“I said come down. Don’t make me repeat myself.”

Getting her hand dragged towards the front door, Yuna was pushed to face the door with both of her hands on it. Before she could protest, Juho closely whispered from behind, threatening and needy.

“Don’t make a sound.”

“Wh-mmph!!”

Automatically bringing her hand to cover her mouth, Juho went to grope both of her tits as he rubbed his bulge on her ass. He pulled both of her perked-up nipples, making her pussy throbbing mad with desire. Pool of tears threatened to spill by the corner of her eyes, but Yuna quickly shut them off.

“You’re excited?” The man giggled, amused with how his woman was reacting to his touch. He leaned down to kiss the daisy tattoo on her bare nape, lightly sucking and licking off her reddened fair skin. His finger moved down to rub circles on her sensitive clit again, just to make her feel more miserable by each second. Juho pushed two of his fingers inside of her again just to find her completely drenched even more than before. Her juices even slowly fell off her thighs.

“Try checking on the peephole. Who is it?” Juho whispered from her behind again, his breath a little bit ragged from excitement but both of his fingers didn’t stop pumping in and outside of her.

Doing as she was told, Yuna weakly checked on the peephole to see who it was.

It’s indeed who they thought it was.

“It-it’s Rowoon…”

“Then we better make it quick, hm?”

The man pulled down his short black pants for his cock to spring free. Grabbing his rod, he positioned it in front of her flooding entrance.

“Remember, Yuna. Keep it down.” He whispered for the last time before pushing his dick inside in one go.

“Mm-mmph!?” Her restrained whimpers muffled behind her hand. The indescribable pleasure, the feeling of his whole dick inside of her was fulfilling. Adding the situation where they were basically doing this in front of his best friend. She couldn’t deny how excited she felt despite of how kinky it was.

“Sshh… keep quiet, baby…” Juho whispered again, “Unless you want him to know how I fuck you good, then be my guest.”

“He knows… you do already…”

“Only from what I said… Not actually witnessing it.”

Juho’s fingers moved down towards Yuna’s slit, rubbing it slowly as he began to move his hip. His pace started slow, making sure that her pulsating walls could receive him well. The blonde man hissed, feeling his length inside of her drenched core was overwhelming.

“Fuck, Yuna…” The man let out a rough grunt. One of his hand moved to fondle her tits while the other hugged her waist, keeping her straight in her place. His pace began to get unforgiving, the sound of skin slapping echoed across their whole condo.

“J-ju… ho--!” His name spilled out of her desperate mewl. Yuna felt like her head was spinning. She couldn’t handle the rush of pleasure that was building up within her core. Her lover kept fucking her mercilessly as his hand roughly was groping on her tits, pinching her nipple just to make her go insane. Her mind raced back to Rowoon who was standing in front of the door, oblivious with all of what’s happening beyond it, making her worry yet excited at the same time.

The bell rang again, making Yuna opened her eyes wide.

“Juho? Yuna? You there?”

Their guest called them out from the other side.

“Shit—” She cursed under her breath.

“Calm down. Tell him to wait.”

“Are you crazy!?” Yuna lowly hissed, a bit befuddled by Juho’s absurd order.

“There’s no way I’m stopping now,” the man pulled back his hand to spank her butt cheek once, making her yelp in surprise and scared at the same time, “not when we’re just getting in the best part?”

‘Baek Juho is a fucking demon’, that’s what Yuna was telling herself. But sometimes, that thought perish whenever he pampered her with kisses and head pats, when he makes her coffee, when he giggles over her corny jokes. This moment is when she felt regret was slowly creeping up her spine for actually not keeping that thought permanently.

The demon started to continue his unforgiving thrusts again, forcing Yuna to bite her lip to hold in her mewls. Despite of the distraction, Yuna managed to pry her mouth open to speak with the idle guest behind the door.

“R-Rowoon! Could you wait for 5 minutes!?”

“What’s wrong?”

“Uhm--! There’s something we have to—Mmh!” The red hair let out a careless moan when she felt Juho was biting on her shoulder. His thrust didn’t get any slower but instead doing the opposite of it. Yuna could swear she was seeing stars. How could she possibly think about any excuses when her head was occupied with the hard cock that’s ramming her core?

“Yuna? Are you guys okay??”

“W-we’re okay! C-cockroach! There’s a cockroach we need to kill!!”

“Heh. Pun intended?” Juho giggled from behind, amused with how she came up with her lie.

“Oh shit, seriously!? Good luck then!”

Of course it worked. Rowoon’s afraid of cockroaches, just like Juho. Hard to believe a guy who looked like this and currently making her go crazy was afraid of any bugs.

“Fuck.” Juho inwardly cursed as he pulled out his cock, making Yuna confused with the sudden change, “Turn around.”

Doing as she was told albeit confused, Yuna was met with a feverish deep kiss. She slinked both of her arms around his neck as Juho hoisted her up against the door. He put in his length inside of her again, sealing her moans with his lips. He could feel how hard she was gripping on his hair and shoulders. Their hot ragged breaths mingled with one another, eyes burning into each other’s. Everything was a blur around them, filled with nothing but the sound of their love making. The two completely forgot that someone else existed behind that door. They had each other and the heat of pleasure was the only thing that matters inside their mind.

“I-I’m gonna cum—“ Yuna said between her worn-out breaths.

“Go ahead, baby.” Juho encouraged her as he planted heated kisses on her shoulders. He didn’t slow down his pace, making sure his woman kept her heightened soon-to-be climax around, “You can bite my shoulder.”

She didn’t hesitate. Hugging her lover’s chest as tight as she could, Yuna buried her teeth on Juho’s shoulder, holding in her moan as she felt her wave of climax came undone. The woman greatly trembled under his firm hold, feeling nothing but a blissful sensation.

“Bear with me for a sec, I’m almost there.”

“W-wait, baby, I just c—a-ahn!”  

Before she had the chance to protest, Juho continued to thrust inside of her walls again, feeling it slicked with her climax juices. It instantly just felt better because of how erotic the sound her walls made whenever he pushed in and out. The man groaned that he accidently head-butted the door due to the overflowing pleasure. The two couldn’t careless anymore. That definitely made a sound loud enough to the guy they had forgotten.

“I’m cumming—” Thrusting his cock faster to quickly reach that climax, Juho kissed Yuna again to keep his loud groan sealed within her lips. He finally let out his seeds inside, making sure he emptied out his bank. Yuna could only whimper under his deep kiss as she felt his cum dumped within her core. It felt really hot inside of her. It was so good and fulfilling that she kept locking him within her legs, making sure that he had his share.

Slowly pulling out of her entrance, Juho gently let Yuna down to stand on her own. She was a bit wobbly at first but soon enough she regained her balance.

“Babe, you’re too much… Hahaha.” Yuna said when she felt her lover’s cum threatened to spill out of her.

Gently kissing her sweaty forehead, Juho rubbed her rosy cheek softly with his thumb before he told her to wash up.

“Go take a shower first. I’ll take care of Rowoon.”

“Okay. I love you. And that was fun.” She smiled and gave him a quick soft peck on his cheek before she walked back towards their bathroom.

“Love you too, baby.”

After pulling up his pants back, Juho opened the door to let his friend in who seemed to be… not amused?

“’Sup, Rowoon.” The blonde called out to his friend as if nothing out of ordinary just happened.

Looking at his friend’s appearance from head to toe, Rowoon merely clicked his tongue. “Yeah, right. ‘Cockroach’ my ass.” The taller man in white shirt rolled his eyes as he walked past his friend. “You sweat this much for a cockroach hunt? You think I don’t see that fresh mark?”

Automatically bringing his hand to the place where Yuna bit him before, he just proved his friend’s point even further.

“My bad. Anyways, your gun’s right there.”

Walking towards the table for the silver, Rowoon sat down to open it for checking the goods inside.

“.357 magnum revolver. 30 bullets. Just as you requested.” Said Juho as he stood behind while crossing his arms. “If there’s anything else you want, feel free to tell me.”

Nodding in approval, Rowoon closed the case back and locking it securely.

“Thanks, Zuho.”

“You’re not gonna count the bullets first?”

“Nah, I gotta go. We’ve done this a countless time and you never disappoint.”

“Well… if you say so.” The blonde smiled, a bit happy to know how much his friend trusted him. “Good luck for tomorrow’s hunt.”

“How about you two?”

“Hm… We don’t really feel like joining this year.” Juho raised his eyebrow, hissing to find the right words for his reason, “No one has pissed me off enough to get killed.”

“Ho…? Really, now?” Rowoon grinned in amusement.

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You used to do it just for fun.” The taller man stood up and then turned to face him. His black eyes glinted, showing deeper meanings of his words, “Like I do.”

Juho’s sharp eyes stared at him back. The way Rowoon smirked at him made him want to punch his perfect teeth in. This guy deliberately tried to bait him despite of his apparent unwillingness to join The Purge.

Still, not enough to kill him. Rowoon’s still a friend.

Forcing a smile on his small lips, Juho moved sideways as a sign for his guest to leave. “Don’t you have somewhere to go, Rowoon?”

“Pffft, relax, man. That was a joke. Stay safe, then.”

“Mm.”

After closing the door, Juho let out a sigh. He walked back towards the island where he last put his coffee. Luckily still a bit warm, Juho sipped it again to collect himself together. He closed his eyes, remembering the murders he had done with Yuna in the last year’s Purge and the rest from before then. 

He was done with The Purge. He got tired of it. No more killing for fun. He preferred watching the world burn from the side way, just sit back and enjoy the show.

Fin.

[lifeanddeathsscenarios]

Some Rainy Days

Anonymous: could you do a zuho x male reader scenario? Maybe where he's with his bf who hasn't been feeling well lately (physically + mentally) and he's there to comfort him and help him pull through? Lots of fluff please!

Yes! Finally! A male reader request! This is my time to shine! (Sorry for this being so late but I made it really long and I’m a perfectionist so I couldn’t stop writing for some reason...) Enjoy!

Summary: He hated seeing him lie through a smile. Everyone else would see it as the sun shining but only he could see it was raining.

Zuho was always known to be the member who hid his real emotions between an emotionless facade. Instead of showing his real emotions, he was the type to learn about other’s facade. He could tell when the members laughed at a joke that was made, it actually hurt. He was able to tell that even though their leader said, “I’m okay,” he really wasn’t. The rapper would rather be the one to be able to read the emotions off of other’s face than let his own show. Of course, the other members never had been able to read him.

However, his best friend would be able to see through that facade every single time.

“Did you have a hard day at work again? You didn’t get to sleep at all last night, huh?” you sighed as he layed a plate in front of him at dining room table. “Here. Eat your dinner and then head to bed. You must be exhausted.”

Zuho could only scowl. “I’m fine.”

You chuckled while making yourself a plate as well. “You can tell that to your members and they’ll believe you but I know you better than that. C’mon now, eat up.”

The pink haired male huffed before digging in. He really hated how despite his best efforts to hide how he really felt, you would always look at him for a second and sense something was wrong.

“You should really get some rest. I don’t like how the CEO is making you guys work so much...”

Zuho shook his head. “It’s fine. We don’t mind. As long as all nine of our members stay with each other, I’m fine with the amount of work we get.”

When the you sat and stared at him, he felt as if his soul was being read. As if sensing that Zuho was telling the truth, you looked back to your plate and started to eat. “As long as you’re happy, I support you.”

Smiling slightly, he went back to eating. “Thank you. How was your day?”

Jokingly, you told him, “It was boring. Especially without you.” You laughed as he blushed and stared down at his food while shoveling everything into his mouth.

It was the calm before the storm, but neither of you would know that.

There’s something to be said when one has a bad day. But when a bad day is followed by another bad day, then another, and suddenly it becomes a bad week, which turns into a bad month, it feels impossible to be able to get back that hope that one used to have.

Everything started to look dull. Where you once saw colors, it increasingly dulled and suddenly the world seemed gray. Your favorite food went from spicy, sweet, sour, tasty, to just... cardboard. When you read your favorite books, you stared at the pages with a daze. After a day of work, you didn’t even remember what you had done because you were disassociating. Every day felt tiring, for your body and mind.

He didn’t notice. You could always cover up with a smile. Look at him, because he looked so happy when he saw you and he told you about his day and everything felt kind of better because he was around.

But today was not one of those days. Not when a customer saw you and recognized you as the boyfriend of their ‘oppa’. Not when other customers, upon hearing that, started to stare at you in disgust and judgmental stares. Not when your boss told you, “It’s better if you stay home for awhile,” instead of telling those customers to screw off.

Today was different. A bad month plus the worse day ever couldn’t stop you from entering your home and, after finding it empty, breaking down into tears.

You hadn’t even realized when you had fell asleep on your bed, but you knew you were screwed when you woke up to the sound of your boyfriend calling out your name. Your heart clenched, remembering today’s events and you turned away from the door just as you heard him open it.

“Babe, are you awake?”

You tried to fake sleep, trying to calm your breath. However, when you heard him starting to walk into the room, you panicked and hid under the covers.

“Babe? What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just-I just need some time for myself. That’s all,” you replied, trying to hide that you had been crying and hoping he mistook your hoarse voice as a result from waking up.

Zuho frowned, watching as you buried yourself deeper into the covers. “If somethings wrong...”

“Just go away! I told you! I need some time to myself! Just, just leave...” Even though you wanted to hide your tears, you felt yourself tearing up. “Just leave... please...”

It was quiet for a moment. After a few moments, you heard him turn and close the door quietly as he left.

You buried your head into your pillow and continued to cry.

“You know that I love you, put no one else above you, we can get there, we can do it if we try...”

Zuho frowned as he crossed the lyric he had just written. He paused the song he was listening to, burying his face into his hands. He didn’t know what was going on with his boyfriend and it made him anxious every time he thought about it. What happened that made him react the way he had? He had believed that he was the best at reading people, at knowing when something was wrong. But he hadn’t been able to pay attention to the most important person in his life.

Deciding to get a drink before their pre-recording, he got up to go to the vending machines. As soon as he came out from the other private room in the waiting room, he immediately saw the light of his life.

He watched as his boyfriend smiled, the other members smiling and laughing with him. But Zuho saw through him. While everyone else saw it as a genuine smile, he saw the sadness that lay beneath it.

“Hyung, are you okay?” Chani asked, looking at the older boy before turning to glance at whoever he had been staring at. “You seem out of it. Are you jealous the other members are hanging out with your boyfriend again? If you’re jealous, why don’t you just go and interrupt them?”

Smiling lightly and patting the younger boy on the head, he only replied with, “You really don’t know much about dating, kid,” before walking away.

Chani frowned as he watched him exit the waiting room, glancing back to his see his hyung’s boyfriend watch him leave with a concerned expression. “You’re the one who doesn’t know much about dating, aigoo...” The boy could only sigh and shake his head as he headed to the vending machines.

It had been a while after Zuho had seen the breakdown, but he had yet to say anything to you. As each day passed, you could feel yourself starting to blame yourself more and more for not being good enough. It started to show as you started to lose sleep, the other members of his group would comment but you would always fake a smile and tell them a lame excuse like you were watching a drama (when in reality you had cried yourself to sleep again).

It was a surprise when you came home from another day of work to see him on the couch with a pensive face.

“Zuho? What are you doing here?”

He turned to look at you, his lips turned into a frown.

You felt your heart clench as you watched him get up and walk towards you. Everything wrong ran into your head, everything you’ve been dreading was going to come true, you knew it. When he stopped and stood right in front of you, you tried to explain yourself. “Look, I didn’t- I wasn’t- I-!”

He pulled you towards him, into a hug. Zuho was always a soft person, giving hugs that always made your day better. This hug was certainly one of those. As he pulled you closer and rubbed your back will hushing, you suddenly realized you were crying. “Bad days can turn into bad weeks and bad months.” He said, against your temple. “But if you’re having those types of days, you should tell me.”

He lead you to the couch, not letting his arms drop. After gently sitting you down, he kissed the top of your head and pulled away to look you into your eyes. “It hurts me that you hid this from me for so long,” he said, wiping away the tears and its tracks from your cheeks. “I’m senseless, I’m sorry.”

“You’re not senseless, you’re just busy.”

He sighed, resting his hand on your cheek and rubbing his thumb against your cheek. “That’s no excuse to forget to look into the real feelings of my own boyfriend. I thought long and hard about what to say to you about this, I literally made a whole speech and remembered it but I totally forgot it as soon as you started crying.”

You felt your face redden. You didn’t cry much, especially around him. “I’m sorry.”

“You don’t need to apologize, I should be the one doing that. And to do that,” he pulled away, laughing awkwardly as he turned on the tv to show the main menu of your all time favorite show.

“Is this...”

He coughed into his hand, avoiding eye contact as he explained. “I bought all your favorite shows and movies.”

“You really didn’t have to,” you tried to explain to him, but he stood up and walked into the kitchen before you could continue.

When he came back into the living room, he had his arms full of your favorite snacks and placed them onto the living room table. Then he left to go back to the kitchen and came back with two mugs. He handed you one while he sat beside you. “I requested a day off for today and tomorrow, for both of us.”

“What? You really didn’t have to!”

He frowned, putting his mug on the table. “I wanted to. I firmly believe that the person I love the most, my favorite person, should be able to enjoy their favorite things.” 

After pressing the play button, Zuho got up and disappeared into the hallway again. You smiled, grateful you had someone as sweet as him to do something so cheesy for you. So deep in thought, you didn’t realize that your boyfriend had come back until he placed a blanket over your shoulders and placed a pillow on your lap.

He also had his own blanket draped around his shoulder and carried his own pillow. You were more focused on him than anything else, although the show had already started. As if sensing you were staring at him, he looked over to you with a blush and asked if something was wrong.

“The light...” you smiled jokingly as you watched his face turn a darker red, as if that was even possible.

“Ah, right.” Quickly, he switched the light off. When he sat back down, you grabbed a bag of the snacks he had bought and opened it while scooting closer to him.

“Want?” you offered, holding the bag out to him.

He stared at the bag before lifting his eyes to look at you.

Zuho had always been a bit awkward and one could easily tell he wasn’t quite comfortable. It was one of those times, you could tell. He was easily embarrassed, so much that you were a bit surprised he even went through with all this.

However, you were grateful and felt that he deserved to feel comfortable.

So when he took the bag of chips out of your hand, you took that as an opening and rested your head onto his shoulder.

Immediately, you could feel him relax at your touch.

“Don’t eat all of it though. Those are my favorite,” you whispered before drinking from your mug.

When you heard his chuckle and felt his shoulders shake, you smiled lightly.

“No promises,” he replied before feeding you.

You smiled as he readjusted his arm so it was around your shoulder, feeling like you wouldn’t want to be anywhere else at the moment.

The night felt too short, you thought as you snuggled into Zuho’s chest. He had turned the tv off when he saw you were dozing off. With a smile, he cleaned up before leading you into your bedroom, where you two were currently cuddling.

You felt him place an earphone into your ear and it suddenly played a song. Your eyebrows furrowed, wondering what song was playing. Gasping, your eyes flew open and you got up to look him in the face. “Seriously?” you asked, tears threatening to fall.

He frowned, wiping away the tears at the corner of your eyes before they could fall. “I was hoping it would make you happy. Not cry...”

“I’m crying because I’m happy!” You hit his arm. “You really didn’t need to make a song about me...”

Zuho shook his head, pausing the music. “No, I did. I wanted to. It’s still in the works, but this sample should do for now. Whenever you’re feeling bad, listen to this please. Just know that I’m always here. You don’t have to feel bad on your own.”

You nodded, going back to snuggle into him. “I know I won’t have to. Because my boyfriend is always gonna be there for me.”

He smiled, leaning down to kiss you on the crown of your head before hugging you tightly and you fell asleep to the sound of his heartbeat while knowing he’d always be beside you no matter what.

[zerot0all]

~𝕊𝔽𝟡~

𝕊𝕖𝕣𝕚𝕖𝕤

ɴᴏᴡ ᴏʀ ɴᴇᴠᴇʀ- Greed mixed with lust can be an explosive combination. Bringing you and your loved ones to a sudden fork in the road- and decisions must be made.

ʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ: M; smut, vulgar language.

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ | ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ | ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ | ᴘᴀʀᴛ ғᴏᴜʀ |

sʜᴇ ᴅᴇᴠɪʟ- Created from Satan’s very own flesh, a demon was born. Between the destruction and hunger for souls, and the thirst for fresh Bright blood- an angel will be the end of all evil. So we thought...

ʀᴀᴛᴇᴅ: M; smut, violence, gore, crude humor, etc..

ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴏɴᴇ | ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛᴡᴏ |  ᴘᴀʀᴛ ᴛʜʀᴇᴇ | ᴘᴀʀᴛ ғᴏᴜʀ | ᴘᴀʀᴛ ғɪᴠᴇ  

𝕆𝕟𝕖 𝕊𝕙𝕠𝕥𝕤

[ʏᴏᴜɴɢʙɪɴ] coming soon...

[ɪɴsᴇᴏɴɢ] Next Step | Special Invitation | 

[ᴊᴀᴇʏᴏᴏɴ] coming soon...

[ᴅᴀᴡᴏɴ] Just One Taste | 

[ᴢᴜʜᴏ] 9:52pm |

[ʀᴏᴡᴏᴏɴ] Ice Cream | 

[ᴛᴀᴇʏᴀɴɢ] Echo | 

[ʜᴡɪʏᴏᴜɴɢ] coming soon...

[ᴄʜᴀɴɪ] Butterfly | Cuddle Time | Maybe Baby | Like Fine Wine |

ℝ𝕖𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤

s/ᴏ ʀᴇǫᴜᴇsᴛɪɴɢ ᴛᴏ ɢᴇᴛ sᴘᴀɴᴋᴇᴅ & | s/ᴏ ᴡᴇᴀʀɪɴɢ ᴀ ʀᴇᴠᴇᴀʟɪɴɢ ᴏᴜᴛғɪᴛ & | 

~MAIN MASTERLIST~

Updated: October 24, 2019

(I will be working on single masterlists for the groups we have a lot of content on. The rest will most likely be on the main masterlist, after finishing a few more like these. Thank you.)

[forehead-enthusiast]

Muse

Pairing: Rowoon x Reader

Genre: Fluff

Word Count: 1.9k

Summary: An artist and their model- both too attracted to each other to admit it. 

.

Rowoon sat a few feet away from you, as still as he could, which wasn’t very still at all, but you appreciated his effort. You had a sketchbook propped against your knees and a pencil in hand, and were doing your best to trace the contours of his face against the page.

“How’s it going so far?”

“It’s okay.” You hadn’t gotten much completed yet, and if you were entirely honest, it was difficult to capture how beautiful he was. Still, it wasn’t altogether awful. He fidgeted as you looked up to take him in once more before returning your gaze downward. Without you knowing, he gazed at your figure, bowed over itself, infatuated with your focused expression.

It was fairly easy for him to sneak glances. You were always so engrossed in art that you barely noticed anything around you, which was lucky for him. This wasn’t news to you, of course. You knew how focused you could get as you watched graphite grind onto paper, trying to pull the dreams from your mind and trap them in the form of rough sketches and pictures. You got so focused, you almost forgot how attractive your usual model was.

Almost.

It was rather distracting to have a model of such caliber. Every angle on his face was breathtaking. Every shade of brown in his glossy hair was stunning. Every time he breathed in, you felt the urge to illustrate the way he looked when his chest rose and the way he looked when it subsequently fell. If only your hand could keep up with your brain, you’d have filled the room from floor to ceiling with stacks upon stacks of drawings, but alas- you had to focus on one moment of him at a time. 

“Am I sitting still enough?”

“Hm? Yeah, yeah, you’re fine. I’m just grateful you’re willing to do this for me.”

I’d do anything you asked. Especially if it means I get to spend hours with you alone. The words floated around Rowoon’s head, taunting him with their straightforwardness. He waved them away with a swing of his large hand before he noticed you looking and flashed a totally natural smile. He sighed discreetly as you looked up every so often, each time your eyes alight with inspiration and flecks of sunshine. 

Sometimes he liked to close his eyes and take in the world that seemed to only exist for you two: the scratching of a pencil, the smell of aging wood and dust that was suspended in time, and the warmth of the setting sun on his skin. 

Time seemed to fade as he sat there. The world stopped turning, nighttime stopped falling, the ice in your water bottle ceased to melt. The air moved like honey, thick and sweet and slow, and he’d let himself drown in your drawing sessions if he could. 

He hoped you felt similarly, even if only a bit.

You did.

You wondered if he ever noticed you drawing extra slowly on some days, longing to extend the minutes and prolong the inevitable goodbyes and goodnights. You wondered if he thought you looked at him too long or too often, or with too much softness in your eyes. He’d be right. You wondered how you managed to get into such a wonderful predicament. So gently tortuous in its opportunities. 

“Is my pose okay?”

You chuckled. “Yes, Rowoon, it’s fine.” It was a silly question. No matter what he did, he’d look like a masterpiece anyway. That’s the beauty of being beautiful. Every movement, every instinct, every flick of a finger and every sidewards glance was lovely. 

“Alright, just checking. My shirt isn’t on backwards or anything?”

“No, it’s not. You know models don’t usually talk this much, right?”

He grinned sheepishly, swinging his legs gently through the air. He looked so young and boyish sitting there, like a grade schooler waiting to get his picture taken for the yearbook. It was such a contrast from his tall and imposing stature it made you smile without realizing.

Rowoon watched your eyes crease with affection, and prayed the glow of the sunset would mask the warmth on his cheeks.

He let the silence stretch on, only occasionally tapping his fingers on the underside of his stool when he couldn’t resist. He thought about how your eyes draped over him, taking in his minute details. He thought about your hands tracing over his silhouette, sliding across his jawline and shoulders, and flushed at his own imagination. He pictured what it would feel like if you were to actually get up from where you sat and touch him, your gray-stained fingers threatening to smear their imprint on his skin.

You looked at Rowoon, and wondered what could lead him to make that expression. How would you describe it? Tender? Bashful? It almost seemed scandalized by itself, as though it was trying and failing to restrain impulsive thoughts. It was both hard to look at and hard to tear your eyes away from. 

Your flush matched his. Your hearts pounded in tandem with each other, and you could almost hear their rhythm reverberating off the walls if you only listened closely enough.

Rowoon couldn’t stop his imagination from blooming with scenarios of you and him, and, worried they’d begin to overflow out of him in petals of confessions, broke the silence.

“S-so what are you drawing right now?”

You found yourself snapped out of the trance that peculiar expression of his had trapped you in, and took a moment to compose yourself and answer.

“Ah, the lips. My favorite part.”

There was a long pause, and you realized the implications of your answer as Rowoon pressed a hand to his chest, desperate to keep his heart contained within.

“Of me-”

“T-to draw! My favorite part to draw.”

“Right, of course!” He forced a laugh, and couldn’t even convince himself it sounded organic. 

You tried to return to drawing, but your pencil hovered above the image of his lips, and you found yourself clutching the thing too tightly to draw properly. You hoped it wouldn’t snap in your grip- you only had the one. What, you didn’t claim to be some professional artist who could afford more than one decent pencil at a time.

“…Why aren’t you drawing?”

Rowoon’s low voice seemed to fill the space around you, rich in its tone.

“It’s your favorite part, after all.”

He gulped. You imitated him unintentionally. His mind was going even more wild than before, practically exploding with thoughts of you. He bit the lip you were struggling to draw, teetering on the edge of no return. You were just a few feet away. The distance seemed to widen as he watched it, and it seemed to threaten that if he waited much longer, it would become too great a gap to close.

“Do you need a closer look?”

He got up from his stool, and took a step towards you. His feet felt glued to the floor, in the space where the model was meant to stay. He pried them up. 

You stiffened as you watched him come closer, the expression on his face mesmerizing yet somehow terrifying. While you could never admit it, never assume it, you understood what that expression meant. Who it was for. You covered your face with your sketchbook, but even with it blocking your vision, you could picture the way he looked vividly, and grew frustrated at its inability to shield you.

Long fingers tapped on top of the sketchbook, pushing it down and away from your face. No matter how many drawings you must have of this face, nothing could prepare you for it at this distance. 

He was crouched down on the floor, looking up at you. You’d never seen him from this angle. Your heart raced at the sight, sometimes forgetting to pause between beats. 

He took hold of your wrist gently, guiding it towards his face.

“Touch me.”

Your fingers reached out despite yourself, and pressed gently against his lips. Your thumb slid across his bottom lip, and while you weren’t sure if you could really be considered conscious, you took note of how soft it felt. 

Your sketchbook and pencil slid off your lap and clattered onto the floor as he kissed you.

His jaw was tilted upwards in your hands. His palm was large enough that it completely covered yours. You could taste the sunlight on his lips, warm and gentle like summer rain. They fit so perfectly against your own, it was a pity to separate them, even to kiss again a moment later. In those pauses, his murmurs would fill your mouth, your lungs, his mumbled words would dance on your tongue. He murmured your name. Your name, over and over, as if reciting an incantation. The way his voice sounded when he said it was soft and smooth and dark, and felt like velvet when it touched you.

It felt dangerous to kiss him. It was addictive, all too pleasant to be permitted. He grew sweeter each time you lingered. At some point you had slid off your chair to join him on the floor carpeted with eraser shavings. His hands had discovered your lower back, and embraced you like there was no other purpose for them in life. Meanwhile, your hands had found his neck and the collar of his shirt, and left the smudges of silver he’d been fantasizing about. You could feel his racing pulse against your fingers. 

The sun had finished setting. Cool shadows were strewn about the room, coating you in shades of gray and blue, but his hands on you were warmth enough. He looked at you, breathless in his arms, and wished he had the ability to draw, to immortalize this moment. He let his fingers run themselves through your hair, and smiled softly. 

You couldn’t even meet his eyes. You could feel the flush that had spread to the tips of your ears, the back of your neck. You figured if you were to face him directly now, you might simply melt.

He lifted your chin, and grinned when your eyes widened, then tightly shut.

“What’s wrong?”

“I think I love you too much.”

You scrunched your face up tighter at the words that spilled out uncontrollably, far too honest to be intentional. His low laugh floated around your ears. You opened one eye cautiously, only to find him staring at you adoringly. He leaned in to kiss your cheek, then the other, then all across your nose and chin and forehead. He kissed your fingers, your palms, his lips exploring the hands that knew him well. 

“It’s the same for me.” He spoke into the curves of your hands. “I love you more than you can imagine.”

He cupped your face in his hands, and pulled you suddenly into another kiss, as if to memorize how it felt when your lips melted into his. You practically fell onto him, with his arms supporting you as you pressed against his broad chest. He leaned back onto the ground, gently taking you with him, and began to smile too widely to kiss you properly.

“Yes!”

He positively beamed in celebration, his soft hair splayed on the floor. He looked like an angel with a coffee-colored halo framing his face.

He really was a masterpiece.

[not-majestic-bluenicorn]

❗️Please do not repost or take anything from here, that’s not very nice.

⮑ My AO3

⮑ |F| = Fluff, |M| = Mature, |A| = Angst

┅┅┅

SERIES

None for the moment.

SHORT SERIES / ONE SHOTS

↳ The Meaning of Freedom |F, A|

Barista!Zuho x Street Racer!Dawon

Status: Finished

Sanghyuk’s parents have always been very controlling, and the way he deals with it through street racing. When he’s on his motorcycle, riding against the wind, he finally feels free. That is until he meets the cute barista Baek Zuho, who makes him challenge his perception of what it truly means to be free.

[kpoprunsmylifenow]

Am I that Bad?

Zuho x Reader

Angst

Summary: When your boyfriend lined you up with an audition as a back up dancer, you thought everything was starting to look up.

A/N: This was so hard to write bc Zuho is my sweet bean.

“Stop making me look bad.” Zuho said quietly as you walked out of the practice room.

“What are you talking about?” You looked at him incredulously.

“A lot of the dancers have said that you’re falling behind in the auditions.” He glared at you. “I can’t date someone that’s not going to put their 100% into this line of work.” And he stomped off, scoffing under his breath.

You stood there, frozen in shock at what he just said. It was true that you’d been having some issues with the steps the choreographer had made, but you’d been working so hard to perfect them. You’d even got a compliment from one of the senior dancers today. You thought everything was going well.

[kpophours]

Always You (M)

➵ SF9: Zuho x fem. reader / one shot, vampire AU, historical AU / fluff, smut / REQUESTED

➵ warnings: slight mentions of violence, explicit mentions of sex (oral: receiving, unprotected sex)

➵ word count: 3.1k

Night is falling again, and you know what this means. 

He will come to you. 

As he does almost every night. 

You’re giddy with excitement, goosebumps rising all over your body in anticipation.

What will he have planned for tonight? Maybe you’ll finally see his castle, the home he always talks of so fondly. Or he’ll take you to see the pack of werewolves just a few miles away from the little château you grew up in. You also heard that sometimes, the elves are roaming the forests near by, their sweet songs enchanting every living creature around them. 

Ever since meeting your vampire, a whole new world has begun to reveal itself to you, full of wonders and adventure.

Thankfully, neither of your parents have noticed your nightly absences so far - you don’t even want to imagine what they’d say to you. They would probably just marry you off to an earl or baron or whatever title seems appropriate. You yourself have no title, but your family is rich - the new kind of rich, the one that has made their money through trade and with the help of a little bit of luck. 

You sigh, slowly beginning to brush through your unruly hair while looking at your reflection in the mirror. You’re dressed for bed, wearing a long silky nightgown of purest white, something your mother has bought for you just recently. It’s the first time you’re wearing it, and to be honest - you can’t wait for your vampire to see you in it. You suppress a giggle, eyes sparkling with mischief. There’s a sudden knock on your door and you jump, startled. “Yes?”, you ask, voice soft. Your mother enters, smiling at you and gently touching your cheek. She’s wearing a voluminous gown, shimmering in different shades of red which compliment her skin tone. Her hair is up in an elegant chignon, revealing her slender neck and without meaning to, you touch your own. It’s still free of marks, because your nightly visitor has been afraid of hurting you.

What if I can’t stop? What if I kill you?, he had murmured into your ear, his breath tickling you and sending delicious shivers down your spine, I will never risk it, I shall not dare.

You sigh at the memory of his arms around you, and your mother raises both eyebrows in a silent question. You just shake your head and smile, before getting up from your dressing table to wrap both arms around her. “Are you and Papa ready to leave?”, you ask and kiss her cheek, making her smile and gently pat your back. “Yes, my dear. I just wanted to check on you one last time before we leave you alone for the night.”, she answers and you playfully roll your eyes at her. “I’m not alone, Mama. There are enough servants in here to take care of a whole army.”, you reply and she chuckles, nodding in agreement. “I know, but still. You are my daughter and therefore, I worry about you. You will be alright, won’t you?”, she asks again, and cups your cheek, gently stroking it with her thumb. You nod again, playfully pointing at the door. “I will be perfectly fine. And now go, or else you and Papa will be late - and then, you’ll be the talk of society. We wouldn’t dare risk that, would we now?”

Now it’s your mother’s turn to roll her eyes, but she chuckles and murmurs a Got the cheek from her father under her breath, before kissing your cheek and leaving you alone. You stay close to the door, listening for your parents to leave. You breathe a sigh of relief when you finally hear the front gate close, soon followed by the noise of hooves and a carriage rolling over the uneven cobblestones.  

When you turn around to face your window again, you jump and almost squeal, quickly pressing both hands over your mouth to stifle the noise. “Zuho.”, you breathe, looking at the man standing in the middle of your room. As always, he’s clad in dark clothing, perfectly tailored and clinging to his broad shoulders and long legs. His dark hair is cut shorter, and unlike the current fashion not bound in a ponytail at the base of his neck. Instead, it curls around his sharp cheekbones, always hiding some parts of his beautiful face. When the vampire smiles at you, his whole face transforms, melting away the sharpness and edges, and you run towards him to wrap both hands around his neck. 

He chuckles, amused by your eagerness, but returns your hug nevertheless. “Missed me?”, he asks, humor coating his words and you nod, not even embarrassed by your feelings. He draws back a bit, hand sliding up your back and leaving goosebumps in its wake. He gently cups your cheek, leaving a soft kiss on your lips. You sigh, threading your fingers through his soft, black hair and tugging on it. He makes a strangled sound in the back of his throat and quickly pulls back, chest heaving. Zuho doesn’t really need to breathe, but it’s a natural reaction he has kept from his years as a human; before he was turned into the bloodsucking creature he is now. 

“Sorry.”, you whisper, shyly ducking your head. He shakes his head. “You’re going to kill me one day.”, he just murmurs, tracing your cheekbones with one of his long, white fingers. You grin wickedly. “Technically, you’re already dead, so that’s actually impossible.”, you retort cheekily and he laughs again, deep voice rumbling in his chest and igniting a fire in your lower belly. He sighs, stepping away from you. You immediately feel colder, even though his skin offers no warmth, and wrap both arms around yourself, shivering in your thin nightgown. Zuho’s eyes darken when he takes in your white dress, a strange sound - half moan, half groan - tearing from his lips. He runs one hand through his dark hair, eyes darting around the room. A smile tugs at your lips and you tilt your head to one side, letting your arms fall to your sides to give his mind more to imagine. You know exactly what kind of effect you have on him, because even though he can look quite menacing and scary, Zuho has a very soft heart and gentle soul.

He takes in a deep breath, fixing his eyes on you. “Come on, my love. Let’s leave for the night.”, he finally says, and extends one hand, waiting for you to take it. When you do, he pulls you into his arms and tucks your face against his chest. You do not like heights, so flying with him is always a bit scary; even though you know he would never let any harm come to you. Still, you always keep your eyes closed, concentrating on his soft, unique scent and waiting for your feet to finally touch the ground again. Zuho carefully navigates to your window and presses a soft kiss against your temple, before fyling out into the night, you safely held in his arms.

Your flight doesn’t take long tonight, and when your feet touch solid ground again, you finally dare to open your eyes. You look around, curious. You’re not outside - instead, you find yourself in a dimly lit chamber. The walls are made from black stone, probably marble, gently reflecting the light of the candles. There’s a washing basin in one corner, and some clothes are dangling from a chair besides it. There’s a big, comfortable looking canopy bed standing against the wall in front of you, facing the windows. You take a careful step towards it, before turning around to look at Zuho. He is watching you with dark eyes, expression guarded but soft. “You brought me to your castle.”, you say, more of a statement than a question. The vampire nods and tilts his head to one side, licking his lips. “You said you wanted to see it many times and… I thought it was finally time to fulfill your wish.”, he answers and you smile at him, reaching out one hand. He takes it, long fingers curling around your smaller ones, and pulls you towards him, embracing you again. He buries his nose in your soft hair, inhaling while his grip around you tightens. “How come you always smell so good, my love.”, he asks, gently lifting your chin with one finger and looking into your eyes. You grin teasingly. “I bathe regularly.” 

He chuckles at your reply and then, finally, his lips are on yours. You sigh against his lips, letting him slide his tongue into your mouth, and bury both hands in the waves of his soft, black hair. He walks you backwards until your legs hit the edge of the bed, and pushes you onto the soft mattress. Your kiss gets more heated until Zuho finally draws back, gazing down at you, lips slightly swollen and hair a mess. You see his fangs extending and he flinches when you try to touch them. “I’m sorry.”, he murmurs softly, lowing his eyes, and you lift one eyebrow, a questioning expression on your face. “I don’t… I just don’t want to lose control around you.”, he says, “I don’t want you to see the monster I truly am.” You draw your eyebrows together, shaking your head. “You’re not a monster.”, you reply softly, cupping his cheek and directing his gaze back at you, “And I want to see all of you. I love you.” His eyes widen at your confession and for a few seconds, he stays quiet. Until finally - “Y- you… love me?”, he whispers quietly, and you have to strain your ears to hear him. You smile and nod. “I do. I actually thought I made that quite obvious these past few months.”, you answer in a hushed voice and he gives you a bright smile, leaning closer to leave a soft, chaste kiss against your lips. “I love you, too.”, he whispers against them and you sigh, relieved, before wrapping both arms around his neck to draw him in for another kiss. 

Your confession seems to have loosened the grip Zuho usually keeps on himself, because he suddenly doesn’t hold himself back anymore. His hands are roaming your body now, gently dragging your nightgown a bit higher, and you gasp when you feel his bulge press into your core. He breaks the kiss just to look at you for confirmation, and when you nod, he grins, gaze turning dark and predatory. He leaves small kisses on your jawline and chin, slowly making his way down to your neck, fangs grazing the soft skin above your aorta. Your heartbeat quickens under his gentle ministrations and you buck your hips, seeking some form of fraction, making Zuho chuckle. “Someone is impatient.”, he murmurs against your skin and you whine. “Well, it took you long enough to take me to your castle.”, you reply and he sits back on his knees, giving you a stern look that almost makes you moan and press your legs together. “If you continue to be such a brat, my love,”, he says in a dark voice, hands ghosting over your calves and slowly slipping higher, “I can always fly you back to your château.” 

You press your lips together and shake your head, feeling frustrated. He smirks at your expression, hands slipping even higher and under your nightgown, feeling the wetness covering the insides of your thighs. He stills for a few seconds, and you cover your face with one hand to hide your embarrassment, but then, you hear the strangled sound he makes - half groan, half moan. You watch him close his eyes, apparently trying to calm himself. When he opens them again, his eyes are red and you see his fangs extending even more. You bite down hard on your lower lip, looking up at him from under your lashes, and whisper a soft Please under your breath. Zuho groans and seems to contemplate for a few seconds, before he finally slips his hand between your legs, touching you where you want him most. You close your eyes, and a breathy moan slips past your lips, when you feel one of his fingers gently circle your entrance, gathering some of your arousal, before he gently pushes one finger inside you. You’re so wet already that he enters you easily, and you moan at the sensation, hands gripping the soft sheets underneath you. Zuho groans when he feels your wetness and leans closer to you, pressing a gentle kiss to your lips. “God, you’re so wet already and I barely even touched you, my love”, he murmurs and you simply utter a small whine. He smirks and eases a second finger inside you, making you mewl. Finally, his thumb lands on your clit and he begins to rub gentle circles against it, making you pant. It doesn’t take long for you to start trembling and clenching around him, and when you finally tumble over the edge, Zuho kisses you, swallowing your moans and gasps. 

When you stop shaking, heartbeat slowly calming down again, he sits back on his knees and extracts his fingers, gently sucking them clean while maintaining eye contact, making you whimper at the sight. He grins and cocks one eyebrow, which finally makes you sit up and place one hand over his bulge. His eyes widen and he instantly jumps from the bed, slowly taking a few steps backwards. You look at him in confusion, and tilt your head to one side. “Don’t you want me?”, you finally ask, voice small and Zuho groans, pushing one hand in his hair and tugging on it, clearly frustrated. “Believe me, my love. I do, so much. But-” You shake your head and interrupt him: “No but. You love me and I love you. That is enough for me. And now, come back, please.” You reach out one hand for him, and he only hesitates for a few seconds, before joining you back on the bed again. 

“God have mercy on my foul, wicked soul.”, he murmurs and you roll your eyes at his dramatics, quickly beginning to unbutton his shirt and ignoring the pained look he gives you. You push his shirt off his shoulders and marvel at the beauty of his soft skin, glowing like liquid moonlight in the shadowy room. You leave soft kisses all over his chest, hands wandering towards his trousers to discard of them as well. When Zuho is finally fully naked beside you, you sigh in awe, hands traveling over his flawless body. “You are beautiful.”, you state in a hushed voice and he gives you a soft smile, cupping your cheek and kissing you sweetly. He helps you out of your nightgown then, and moves on top of you, slipping between your legs and hooking one of them around his waist. 

“Are you sure, my love?”, he asks and when you nod, he utters a soft sigh and carefully pushes inside you. You gasp at the sensation of him filling you, eyes closing at the almost painful stretch, until Zuho finally bottoms out and gives you a few seconds to adjust. “Are you alright, love?”, he murmurs against your lips, pressing gentle kisses on your cheeks and nose, until you nod and he begins to move. Gently pulling out of you just to push his hips against yours again, he sets a steady pace, sitting back on his knees to hit you from a deeper angle. You moan underneath him, throwing one hand over your eyes and beginning to pant. “No, I want to see you.”, Zuho demands, gently dragging your arm away again and you lock eyes with him. His are red again, almost shining, and you clench around his length, making him hiss at the sensation, showing off both fangs. When his thumb lands on your clit again to rub circles against it, you quickly turn into a moaning, trembling mess underneath him, and it doesn’t take long for you to shatter around him again. He snaps his hips against yours, rhythm now almost punishing and painful, guiding you through your orgasm, until he finally groans and reaches his high as well, fangs grazing his lower lip in an attempt to stifle his groans. He stills inside you, and gently presses his forehead against yours. 

You’re breathing hard, still trembling and feeling tired but blissed out. Zuho finally pulls out of you and walks over to his little basin in the corner, dipping a white cloth into the water and returning with it to help clean you. You wrap the soft bed sheets around your naked body, feeling yourself get more drowsy with every passing minute. After discarding of the cloth, Zuho slips between the covers as well and wraps both arms around you, pulling you close to his chest. His eyes are back to their usual deep brown and his fangs have vanished as well. You take in a deep breath, gathering all your courage and trying to ready yourself, before you whisper: “I want you to turn me.” 

Zuho immediately stiffens, and when you draw back to look at his face, you see that his expression is dark and stormy. “You don’t know what you’re asking me to do.”, he says and you lift one eyebrow. “I don’t want to be married off to a stranger just for a title. I don’t want to be the wife of someone else. I want only you - always you. But I will never feel like your equal until I become like you.”, you explain, having thought about this often these past weeks, having made up your mind. But Zuho shakes his head. “You’ll have to drink the blood of innocents, Y/N. You might even kill someone during your blood rage. And what happens, if one day you will realize that I’ve turned you into a monster? Could you still love me?”, he murmurs, his hands beginning to rub small circles against the naked skin for your back. You cup his cheek with one hand, giving him a gentle smile. “I have thought about this for a long time, and I have made my decision. So now I’m asking you - do you love me? Do you want me to be yours, for eternity? Will you choose me, too?” 

Zuho takes in a deep breath, closing his eyes for a few seconds. Finally, he opens them again and gazes down at you, eyes glimmering red and fangs extending. 

“I will always choose you, my love.”, he finally answers, before burying his fangs into your neck.

[masterlist] | [requests] 

[snowhwing]

Been Us

[SF9 Youngbin X Reader AU]

Genre: angst Warning: grammar inaccuracies; I am not going to write another angst for a long time after this :D  Words: 7.1k

Playlist: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2lrbKFX2KELIR5bFqqYIld

“I do not understand why braiding my hair is fun for you.”

Youngbin frowned when all he got from you was a slight tug on the locks that you are holding to braid his hair. Both of you are in the comfort of his family’s living room, watching the anime series that you both wanted to see so much but had to wait until school is over before taking the time to watch it. It was a Saturday afternoon. As usual, the two of you opted to spend both your time in Youngbin’s house. It has been that way since the first year of junior high school. Now, both of you are in the last remaining months of your final year.

You are sitting on the sofa while Youngbin is lounging in front of you, his back against your knees as you continue braiding his hair. You love his hair. Not that you will ever tell Youngbin that. From afar, it does not look soft at all. And worse, Youngbin sometimes style it in a messy way. But people have no idea how soft it is to the touch.

He said he will do anything for you that day because it will be your birthday on Wednesday and you took that as an opportunity to play with his hair. To run your fingers through the soft strands on the pretense that you are braiding it. Even if his hair is really not that long. Alright, fine. You have a crush on Youngbin - since that second year in junior high school when you had the worst haircut in the history of your life and got teased by your classmates to no end because who could blame them? It was really bad. Youngbin must have had enough of it then because he bought a wide handkerchief, formed it into a headband and put it on you. He told you that all the teasing annoyed him and since the two of you are always together, he might as well just do something to shut the people up. He did all those in front of all your classmates. It did silence everybody. Youngbin was the class president, then. The undisputed leader because people in class saw him as someone that is really dependable. He is. When he made that move to shut the raucous caused by your hair, the entire class closed their mouths as your heart started a new type of chaos on it’s own.

So, there’s that. But you never told Youngbin. Nor did anything to show him how you feel. Because telling him might mean losing him. You two have been inseparable for so long now and you have grown accustomed to being with him all the time that you cannot imagine what it would be like without him. Friendship is constant. And so, you will remain as a friend - his best friend.

“Any plans for Wednesday, Y/N?”

You gasped when Youngbin moved and looked up to you. His head resting on your knees. Your face inches away from his. You felt your pulse quicken and your heart thundered yet, you keep your expression impassive. How you manage to keep reins with your emotions whenever Youngbin does things still amazes you to no end. You scoffed and covered his eyes with your hand.

“I don’t know. Eat ice cream, maybe. Mom and Dad said we’ll have lunch before they depart again for Japan.”

Youngbin took your hand that’s covering his eyes and held it. “They’re leaving again, huh? No exceptions even if it’s your birthday?”

You shrugged. It’s not that you are not used to it yet. One of the reasons why you are also spending most of your time with Youngbin and his family than your own.

“Spend the night with me,” Youngbin blurted out. You only look at him like he has grown some antenna. “What I mean is… let’s go out for dinner on Wednesday. For your birthday.”

You couldn't help but smile as you gripped Youngbin’s hand tight. “Alright, then.”

As if you could even say no to Kim Youngbin.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Wednesday; 12:00 AM KST

“Sent!”

Youngbin felt a sense of happiness wash over him as he stared at the text message that he just sent over to you.

Happy birthday, Y/N. I wish that you would smile more this year. You always wear that frown of yours. You are prettier when you smile. See you later!

For the past four years, Youngbin has never failed to wish you a happy birthday at exactly twelve midnight. He does all sorts of things - played computer games, studied for tests that are not bound to happen, worked out in the middle of the night - just so he can manage to stay awake until midnight. He considers this a small effort. Small - considering all the things that you have done for him.

Youngbin relaxed on his bed as his mind drifted back to those moments he has spent with you. He is a few months older than you but being the class leader and student council president, he always has a lot on his plate and more often than not, he gets buried in things that he has to do and finish. In all those times, you stood beside him. You stayed beside him when he got crazy mad after that major event under the supervision of the students’ council went into haywire because of the organization’s miscalculation. Back then, nobody ever dared to go near him because one wrong word and he became a troll. He was so embarrassed how something like that happened under his leadership that he kept blaming himself. Then, you came, armed with a bottle of banana milk, amidst the growing tension between the members of the students’ council. He can still remember how you slammed the poor banana milk on his table, making his fellow student leaders tremble. You leaned closer to him, touched his forehead to clear away his hair and flicked his forehead three times, all the while telling him to snap out of it.  He did. Of course, he did. He snapped out of his anger and laughed out loud then that his fellow student leaders got even more scared of him.

Youngbin could not imagine his life without you. He is so used to having you around. You have always been his solace. Always his calm and comfort. Sure, you get crazy sometimes and your mood swings are the worst in the world but those are nothing compared to how you have spurred Youngbin until now.

You cheered for him through his triumphs and losses. You believed in him when he doubted himself. You kept to his side and because of that, Youngbin feels like he can take on anything. He can take on anything because you are and will always be there for him. Like that time when he left home because, contrary to what people believe, being the youngest among his siblings was burdensome. He felt that he needed to catch up and be at par with what his elder siblings had achieved. It pained him and so he left home. His parents panicked and the first person they reached out to, back then, was you. Just like them, you had no idea where he went. But you joined the search party, spent sleepless nights and skipped attending school. The day you and the rest found him inside a sauna, you punched him in the face and collapsed because of exhaustion. He was beside you when you woke up. He received the biggest lecture of his life, not from his parents, but from you. You told him that feeling insecure and running away would not take him anywhere. That he can do amazing things, great things if he would stop being a ninny and start taking charge of his life. That him being the students’ body president, for two years, was proof enough that he’s amazing at what he does. From then on, Youngbin gained confidence. All because of you.

His walk down memory lane got interrupted when his phone vibrated. He looked at the caller ID and saw it’s Inseong - the vice president of the students’ council and one of his closest friends.

“Inseong-ah.”

“Man, you should know that my talent fee is really expensive. And the fact that I stayed up all night for your mushy stuff, that’s double the price.” He heard Inseong yawn. “Everything is ready. Jaeyoon and Taeyang helped out, too. You’ll be broke after this.”

Youngbin chuckled. “Alright. Alright. I will treat you guys with beef. I promise. Thank you so much for all your help, Inseong-ah. You’ve worked hard. When you get a girlfriend, I will make sure to help you, too.”

“Stop the cringe-worthy lines, Youngbin. She’s not even your girlfriend.” Inseong suddenly sounded smug. “We helped out because Y/N always saves us from your long lectures. We love her because of that.”

He shook his head. He should have known. After a few more banter with Inseong, Youngbin ended the call. He should get some sleep now. Everything is set. He vowed that he will give you the best birthday and he will make it happen.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“You have something that you need to tell me, right?”

Youngbin looked up from the slice of cake on his plate and saw you staring intently at him.

The two of you were having dinner on the rooftop that he and the rest of his friends transformed for your birthday. Youngbin prepared everything. They decorated the rooftop with fairy lights and turned it into something from a dream. Sweet music immediately surrounded you when the two of you reached the top and everything looked so perfect. The perfection that would have brought you to your knees because you have always wanted to spend your birthday with Youngbin. Sure, you have spent almost all your birthdays with him ever since the two of you became friends but those were always with yours and his family. This is the first time that you were able to spend it alone with Youngbin. The first time that there is only the two of you.

You love every single moment of it. You truly do. Earlier that morning, you arrived at school and immediately saw Inseong holding a bouquet of pink roses for you. Pink roses are your favorite flowers. During your break after your third class for the day, Jaeyoon intercepted you in the hallway and gave you a lunch box with fried chicken, kimchi dumplings, kimbap and seaweed soup in it. Those were your favorite food to eat during lunch. Halfway through your afternoon classes, Taeyang appeared outside your classroom to hand you three bottles of banana milk, all the while telling you “happy birthday”. Banana milk is your go-to drink. Therefore, you are already having the best day. The surprises did not end there, though. When you stepped out of the classroom after your last class for the day, Youngbin was already outside waiting for you. He held out his hand and you took it; ready to go anywhere Youngbin would lead you to.

However, something has been nagging you for weeks now. Something that you really have no concrete basis as to why it is making you feel on the edge and scared.

You first noticed it when Youngbin started to spend time with you more often than usual. He started picking you up at home so that both of you can go to school together; even going through the lengths of walking you to your classroom. Then, he would once again be there after every class. He has asked you to spend your free time in the students’ council office but you turned him down on that because you are not a student leader and you think that your schoolmates will finally think there is really something going on between you and the students’ organization president if you do that. Plainly said, Youngbin has been unusually clingy and as much as you love spending time with him, it bothered you because you think something is really going on. Something he is not telling you.

He gave you a slight smile that only made your heart thundered. Something is really going on. “You really know me, huh? I can never hide anything from you.”

You put your fork down and held his gaze. “I thought there is no secret between the two of us.”

He shook his head. “This is no secret, Y/N. I am just waiting for the perfect timing.”

Perfect timing? You swallowed; feeling your heart on your throat.

Then, Youngbin gave you his brightest smile. The smile that could light up an entire place. Your favorite smile. “Y/N! This is it! I am going to start training as an idol next month! Inseong, Jaeyoon and Taeyang got accepted, too!”

At that moment, all you wanted was to erase his smile.

Youngbin has always been a talented dancer. His moves were both fierce and graceful. In addition, he has a knack in writing songs and spitting lyrics after lyrics when he is rapping. Aside from being a student leader, Youngbin and his friends are all active in the school’s performing arts. Girls swoon over him whenever he is on stage during school events. Though it annoys you to no end, you understand how those girls feel about him. How can he not be a remarkable sight when he is the president of the council and at the same time, an amazing dancer?

He often told you, mostly through jokes and amidst nonsense talks, that he wanted to go to Seoul in the future. He would become an idol, get famous and, when he will have enough money, he will take you to travel to any parts of the world that you wish to see. It was a beautiful dream that he has shared with you. A beautiful dream yet, now that it is finally taking shape, you cannot bring yourself to rejoice.

Because you know that once Youngbin leaves for Seoul, your lives will never be the same again.

Youngbin saw the myriad of emotions that went through your face that day. At first, it was disbelief, shock and finally, pain. Your smile lackluster and your words robotic when you congratulated him. He felt his world collapsing.

-0-0-0-0-0-

“I think that was not the reaction that you expected to get from me, huh?”

Both of you are already sitting on the front porch of your house. Your head on Youngbin’s shoulder.

“Well, I thought you would be as happy as I am.”

There are no secrets between you and Youngbin. Well, except for how you truly feel about him. How you are so in love but you are just pretending because you do not want to lose him. Telling each other how you feel is second nature to both of you now. Both of you agreed that you are most comfortable with each other when you both let the other know how you really feel.

You sighed as you felt Youngbin’s head rests on yours. You wish you could stay like this, with him, forever.

“I am happy. I am so happy for you. I am just scared.”

“Scared of what?

“That everything will change. Your life will change for sure. Our friendship will change. Our proximity will no longer be like this. Our bond. Everything.”

He draped his arm on your shoulder as he pulled you to a hug. “Nothing will change. We are not even sure if I am going to make it on the first week of training. There will be others who are exceptional.”

“You will make it. I know you will. You are already amazing as you are now. Imagine what you will become after a proper training.”

“None of these will change, Y/N. I promise you. You will still have me, your best friend.”

The two of you did not say another word after that. You stayed inside Youngbin’s arms; afraid that if you let go of him now, you will never get the chance to hold him again. You will not hold him on that promise because you know, even now, that he will not be able to fulfill it. You just have to learn how to brace yourself when that time comes. To accept the drastic change, may it be painful or not.

For now, you vow to yourself that you would spend as much time as you can with Youngbin. You will make memories with him. Share moments with him. So that when he leaves you for his dream, you will have memories that you can keep.

Two weeks after that night, you were waving your hands to the departing train that took Youngbin to Seoul.

-0-0-0-0-0-

Few months after…

Today is one of those days when Youngbin just wants to go home. His clothes are already inside his bag. All he has to do now is storm outside, head to the train station and he will be on his way to see you.

He is thankful that there are still a few things stopping him from doing so.

Every time his body moves for a dance, the music enveloping him, he felt so much freedom. Rapping makes him feel like he can express everything, anything, and the world will know of all the emotions he keeps inside of himself. His dream is more than just getting famous. He doesn't care if he gets famous as long as he can touch hearts through his dance. The idea of starting a career in the entertainment industry soon is daunting him to no end but he wants to push through and try it out. Whether he gets to debut or not after, he will not think about that now. He wants to do it because he does not want to live a life with regrets and with so many questions as to why he did not try.

Training is hell, to say the least. Youngbin, Taeyang, Inseong and Jaeyoon started their training together. They were part of the members who would form the first boy dance group of the agency. That was enough pressure as it already is. However, the agency has another plan for them. They decided to put them through a survival program. They will battle against another group and the winning team will get the chance to debut first.

The pressure was so overwhelming. On top of that, the group decided to make him as the leader. He feels proud and honored. However, it was taking a toll on him. Now that they are close to the final battle, Youngbin is on the verge of finally calling it quits.

Apparently, his patience is something that he needs to work on whenever you are not around. A week ago, he snapped at Hwiyoung – one of their youngest members – during practice that made the younger one cry. Youngbin is one hell of a perfectionist and the pressure getting on to him was not helping at all. He was able to patch things up with Hwiyoung, though. It tears him apart that he has no choice but to be adamant on his members’ training. It pains him how they put so much trust and respect on him when he feels that he is just as lacking.

Amidst all these, Youngbin only wants to be with you.

He badly missed those times when he was tired after a long day in the council, planning for an event, and he would go straight to you. He missed sitting beside you after the exams. He missed drinking banana milk and eating kimbap with you. He missed being productive with you. He missed procrastinating with you.

You always seem to know the right words to say to him whenever he feels like snapping. How you manage to rein in his storms is still beyond him. You can temper down his flames. You can fire up his coldness.

After a few months away from you, Youngbin finally admitted to himself that he is in love with you. He needs to be near you, not because you calm him down, but because he wants to be with you. He wants to be near where his heart is. Funny how he kept on denying how he feels even to himself when Inseong nagged him to no end about it. His friend is too observant for his own good. Inseong even told him to confess to you before leaving for Seoul. Youngbin did not, though. Back then, he knew you are important to him. He knew that he could not imagine life without you but it was not enough to name it “love”. However, when he arrived in Seoul, no longer feeling your presence beside him, everything fell into place. He is in love with you.

And so, that was what spurred Youngbin until now. He vowed to continue working hard on training despite the gnawing feeling that your absence has brought him. Once everything is over, he will finally make his way back to you.

You will still be there, right?

-0-0-0-0-0-

[Y/N’s] Three years after…

You lost your best friend and the man you love.

That day when Youngbin left for Seoul, you told yourself that you would accept anything that will happen with a light heart. However, it was so difficult, painful, almost crippling.

A month or so in training, you and Youngbin were still able to catch up through phone calls at midnight or in the wee hours of the morning. You have sacrificed sleep because talking to Youngbin became more essential than sleep. He kept updating you on the ins and outs of his training life. You have memorized his training schedule like the back of your hands. When they started competing on that survival show for a chance to debut, the phone calls and messages from Youngbin became lesser. You understood, though. The fact that you can still see him on television and somehow still get updates about him got you by. Seeing him healthy made you happy. When his group won the survival battle, you had to restrain yourself not to host a victory party in your hometown. Even though you missed him badly, his triumph was a win for you, too. It made you happy that his dream is finally coming true.

Your heart got badly broken a week after their debut when you saw that all your pictures and those pictures with you and Youngbin in it are no longer in his SNS profiles. You sent him a message about it. It took him a week to get back to you. He informed you that your presence in his SNS profiles caused a stir and he has no choice but to delete all your photos together. He told you it was also for your own good. That he did that to protect you. You tried to understand him but it did not lessen the brunt of what happened. Few weeks after that, Youngbin deactivated all his SNS accounts.

You could never forget that one summer when Youngbin’s father got ill. He did not inform you that he will be visiting his family but you got a call from his mom. She told you that Youngbin is home. You were out for a business trip but you immediately took the ride going back home because you miss him badly and you just have to see him. You have not even reached the gate when his manager told you that it is not wise for people, even those who know the two of you, to see you together. Therefore, you did not get the chance to see Youngbin that day.

The change that you feared so much before was happening inevitably.

The daily conversation and phone calls between the two of you lessen and lessen until those became close to non-existent. It took a year of waiting before both of you got the chance to spend time together again. Well, you cannot really call it “spending time” but at least you got the chance to talk. Youngbin was home for Chuseok, then.

“Y/N, are you home now?” He said in a phone call. “Can we perhaps see each other?”

You reined in the loud beating of your heart. “I just got home from the temple. You can drop by if you want.”

“Okay, I will see you, then.”

You did not have to wait long because Youngbin immediately made his way to your house. It took a while before the two of you were left alone to talk because your family congratulated him and his group’s rise to popularity. All the time, you were just looking at them. When they finally let the two of you be, you led Youngbin to the back garden of your house.

“How are you, Y/N?”

It pains you how awkward he sounded. He is your best friend. He is not supposed to be this awkward around you. The distance has really left a gaping hole between the two of you.

“I told you everything will change.” You saw how Youngbin turned to look at you. “I told you nothing will be the same again.”

Youngbin took your hands, like he always did. Strange how it did not do anything to comfort you now. “Y/N, I am sorry. This distance – I know this is all my fault. The company has restrictions. I know that should not stop me but, Y/N, I am so close.” He was looking at you with so much desperation and longing. Your stomach was in tight knot when he continued. “Do you want me to give this all up and return to you, Y/N?”

Your eyes widen. He would give up everything for you? He can’t be serious now, can he?

You reached out to touch his face - like you usually do whenever you feel that Youngbin is going through a lot. Just like before, Youngbin moved closer and leaned in to your touch. “Your dream is my dream, too, Youngbin-a. How can I let you give that up?”

He reached out and cocooned you in his arms, burying his face in the crook of your neck. “But I want to dream with you, Y/N. I want to share this with you because you matter to me more than this dream does. Despite all that I did, would you believe me if I tell you that I am in love with  you? Because I am, Y/N. I am in love with you. Can we stop pretending now? Can we just tell each other that we missed being together because we love each other - not as friends but more than that? You feel the same way for me, right? If you tell me to give these all up, Y/N, I will do it. I will do it without batting an eye.”

Your eyes brimmed with tears as you stroke Youngbin’s back to comfort him. “Like what I said, your dream is also my dream. How can I let the man I love give up his passion for his craft? I admit that this is hard. Really hard. But I will be with you through all these, Youngbin-a. So go back there and make me proud. Make us all proud.”

Youngbin left the next day - leaving a chaste kiss on your lips. A promise that no matter what happens, the two of you will see this through. Despite the brief reunion, your heart gained strength to continue loving him in distance. After all, Youngbin loves you, too.

It has been two years since that day. Two years since you promised Youngbin that you will stay with him no matter what. It was a futile promise. You should have known by then. Considering the separate lives that both you and Youngbin are living, the separation was something you should have expected.

It did not take long before your relationship with Youngbin surfaced on paparazzi sites and articles. His group’s fans are the nicest but most members of the media are not. Old pictures of  you and Youngbin went viral online and it took a lot of effort from his agency to put those all down. It even reached a point when your father has to take you to and from work just to make sure that you arrive and leave home safely. In one of the boys’ press conferences, Youngbin was not able to escape the question thrown at him by the media about you. To not cause further uproar, his manager went down to your hometown that night and told you that the best thing you can do to support Youngbin is to let him go. So you did.

That same day after you spoke with his manager, you called Youngbin and asked him to just end things between the two of you. He did not asked you why. His tone blank. As if he was expecting it to happen. What you did tore you to pieces. It was so painful but it has to be done. You can never destroy something that he has worked hard for.

Your phone vibrated with a notification from one of your SNS account, taking you back to the present. Upon checking the notification, you saw it was from the boys’ fan club account. The schedule for 빈,us is now up. You could not help the sad smile that appeared on your lips. This has been your life for the past two years. For the past two years after you remove yourself from Youngbin’s life. You spent most of your time as his fan - as a Fantasy. You went to fan meetings, concerts and any fan events - always situating yourself where you can see him, but where he cannot see you. Fan meetings gave you the chance to meet Youngbin but you just went and never go up where he’s sitting with the members. Even all those, your all time favourite were the Monday evenings when Youngbin usually schedules his weekly segment of 빈,us - his very own show where he broadcasts himself while reading Fantasy’s concerns and giving his thoughts and advice about those. You always feel proud seeing how he connects with his fans. You feel elated whenever you see articles and posts about him being a charismatic leader. Because he is. Despite the screen and time zones separating him from his fans in Korea and around the globe, nobody can deny the fact that Youngbin emanates so much love for them. Seeing how he is now and what he has become somehow lessen the regret that you have been feeling when you let him go.

When you open your phone, Youngbin’s broadcast was about to start. You could not help but smile when you saw the number of hearts - 3 million - even before the broadcast started. Fantasy are really the best.

As if you lost all faculty of senses, your hand reached to clutch the front of your shirt when Youngbin sat in front of the camera and greeted everybody. After a week of so much stress because of work and because of the never-ending turmoil of your own emotions, you felt yourself relax and lulled by his voice. 빈,us is your weekly dose of healing; a day and time where you feel most close to him.

“Fantasy, really. You are all amazing. Thank you so much! Manager-nim told us that the tickets for Seoul concert are all sold out. We are preparing well for you so that we can give you the best stages so please wait for us and let’s all meet soon.”

You glanced at the ticket on your bedside table. When you bought that a few weeks ago, your best friend told you that you are nothing but a masochist; that you are suicidal. But since that day in junior high school, when you stood beside Kim Youngbin, you vowed that you will support him on everything and anything that he will do. And so you have and will always do. You picked up the ticket - the concert ticket for UNIXERSE Seoul.

-0-0-0-0-0-

[Youngbin’s] 3 years after… UNIXERSE Seoul D-DAY

The world would take someone precious away from you, almost making it impossible for you to survive. The world, also, lets people into your life and they would eventually become your world.

Youngbin had that bittersweet realization when he lost you but found Fantasy at the same time. He lost a big part of himself yet, he found people who would fill in a part of him that would never be filled by anybody else.

From the dressing room where he is now, he could hear the loud cheer of his beloved Fantasy from the outside. One by one, they started filling in the venue, taking their places with smiles plastered on their faces. He and the members prepared a lot for this concert since this is the kick-off for their Asia Tour. Despite all those preparations, Youngbin’s nerves are getting the best of him. He wants to give nothing but the best to Fantasy who have been loving and supporting them since day one.

He almost jumped out of his skin when Jaeyoon tapped his shoulder.

“Hyung, someone is here for you.” The younger one gestured towards the dressing room door. “She is waiting for you outside.”

“Huh? Who is it?”

Jaeyoon gave him a sad smile which confused him even more. “It’s best if you would just go and meet her, hyung.”

Her? He had already met his family earlier today when they dropped by the dressing room to cheer and congratulate him and the members. Could it be that his nuna forgot something?

On his way outside, Youngbin saw Hwiyoung untangling the wires of his in-ear piece. His little brother looked so out of it that he almost stop to check on him before heading outside. It pains Youngbin that he could not do anything for Hwiyoung’s broken heart. Brave of him to assume that he can help Hwiyoung out when his own heart breaks everytime he remembers you. Ironic how Hwiyoung is in the same boat as he has been few years ago.

Reaching the door, Youngbin looked up and froze in his place. How could he not when you are there, standing in front of him?

His eyes must be playing tricks on him. It has been years since he last saw you; years since he last spoke with you. The only reminder that you once existed in his life were the constant ache in his heart whenever he remembers your name. His best friend. His beloved. So how come you are here now, standing in front of him? He is too afraid to move. Too afraid that he is seeing a mirage, that you are standing there because his mind conjured you. He misses you like hell, that’s for sure.

You are holding a fan slogan with his name on it, their group’s official light stick and a bouquet of pink and white roses. Youngbin could really swear that he is just imagining you.

“Hello, Youngbin-a.”

A painful sound tore from his throat as he took large steps towards you and immediately took you in his arms. He felt you wrapped your arms around him. At that moment, he could swear that he is finally, finally home. Everything faded into the background. All sounds became muted. He could only feel your warmth, he is only aware of your scent, constricting his heart to the point of pain.

He no longer cared about the time and place. He will not let you go. Not anymore and not this time. If it was not for Jaeyoon who must have stepped out to check on him, Youngbin would not have let you go.

“Hyung, if you need more time to talk with Y/N, do it now. We still have an hour and thirty minutes before the concert will start.” He pointed to the open door leading to the stairwell. “Go there. I will keep watch. Manager-nim went out to buy food for us.”

He was about to grab your hand when you stepped back, one hand out to stop him.

You smiled. One that did not reach your eyes. Yes, Youngbin notice that. He fucking noticed that so he does not understand why you are doing this.

“I… I just want to congratulate you and the rest.” You gave him the flowers. He did not made any move to accept it so Jaeyoon stepped in and took the bouquet from you. Your smile faltered even more. Good. It is good to know that this is painful for you as much as it is for him.

“Jaeyoon, leave us.”

“But hyung…”

“Go and see to it that the members are ready.”

He could feel that Jaeyoon still wants to protest. The only thing that must have stopped him from doing so is the tone of Youngbin’s voice. It was the voice of their leader. The voice that he rarely uses. The last time he did was few months ago when he delivered the news about the rumor that stirred up because of Hwiyoung’s closeness to one of their staff. After that day, his little brother opted to keep things to himself and ended up in seclusion inside his music studio. Youngbin hates it when he is left with no choice but to use that tone of voice to his members. But he needs to be alone with you. He needs to set things straight with you. It has been long overdue.

“Why did you come here, Y/N?”

He saw you took a deep breath. Under the slogan that you are holding, you took out a white envelope. “I hope this will explain everything.”

He took the letter with so much resentment in his heart. “You think this would explain everything? These pieces of paper, Y/N?”

“Your manager did not leave to buy food for everybody, Youngbin. He is just on the other side of this hallway. I asked him to give me time to talk to you but I know it will not be enough.”

You stepped closer to him and reached out to place his hand on your cheek. He felt you leaned into his touch as tears swelled from your eyes. “Youngbin-a, despite everything that happened, I want you to know that I have regretted every single day that I am not with you. I made a mistake and I am so sorry for hurting you. You do not deserve the pain that I have caused you. I am so sorry.”

Youngbin held your hand when you stepped back. Not yet. You would not leave him with just that, would you? His heart breaking on the sight of you clutching the light stick to your chest as if your life depends on it. As if it is the only thing that is anchoring you to this world. “That letter contains all the things I could not tell you now. The things I should have told you before. I am not asking you to forgive me. I know this is shameless of me but I want you to please read the letter.”

Both of you looked up when you heard someone cleared his throat - manager-nim. Your time is up.

It took all his willpower for him not to drop on his knees when you took his hand and kissed it. Without looking back at him, you run outside, away from the backstage, away from him.

Youngbin-a~

I love you.

I think I should let you know that before anything else. I have been given thousands of chances for me to say those words to you but I have foolishly let those go. I should have told you that time when you saved me and my bad hair. I should have told you those afternoons we spent in you family room while watching movies. I should have told you that I am in love with you that’s why I asked to braid your hair that day before my birthday. I should have kiss you and confess to you that night when you took my hands and waltzed me for my birthday dance. I should have told you that I love you and the thought that you will leave for Seoul to become an idol that day scared me like no other.

Now, I regret every single bit of those moments that I wasted. It was bold and foolish of me to assume that you will be with me forever - that you will stay even if I would not make any move for you to do so. Because I know that if I told you how I really feel, you would have stayed. You would have given up your dream for me.

Your dreams are one of those things that I could not... would not want to take away from you. I told you they are my dreams too, remember? But, that does not give me an excuse of why I hurt you. I should have done better. You mean the world to me, Youngbin-a. Knowing that, all these time,  I have been hurting the man I love is something that I have and will always regret.

I wish life would give you all the beautiful things that you deserve. I pray that you will never lose your genuine laugh. I pray that the people you are with now will stay with you forever. I know they will because it is impossible not to love you.

I will keep on supporting you from afar. Do not think of me anymore. Do not think of the girl who did not fight for you. I gave you up too easily, Youngbin. I am so sorry.

Goodbye.

An hour after, Youngbin and the rest of the boys set the stage on fire with their performances and solo stages. He bared himself and poured his heart out during the encore - to Fantasy, to you. This will be the last time that he will think of you. He swears it. His entire being just refused to accept the words that you put in that letter.  It did not make any sense. None of it does. It did not make any sense when you let him go. It did not make any sense when you did not do anything to fight for him when all he wants is to fight with you. You stepped up without considering how he feels. No amount of words, nor any written or uttered apologies, would make him understand why you have easily let him go.

[leskpopdreamers]

10.23 AM]

After Chani caught you several times looking at him at awe, when he played the violin, he offered you to teach you how to play it. You happily agreed and bougth a violin for yourself. Chani felt very happy and proud, everytime you made progress and he would always reward you with a little kiss in between.

[you-did-well-moon]

Sf9 reaction to you showing no emotion and hating yourself

Type: Fluff/Angst more angst than anything

Warnings: self depreciation, depression. graphic imagery.

A/n: Wow, this hit really close to home for me. I’m a bit stoic and don't have the best self-esteem, but i’m glad I was able to write for these boys. I think all the boys would be upset, and some would definitely blame themselves. if you’re ever feeling like this please talk to someone, even me! You wouldn't be bothering me at all.  Please don’t be afraid to talk to me or to request!!~Moon

Summary: You loved your boyfriend. Your love, your soulmate, your very soul. He was your everything, but lately you were tired. Not of him. Never of him; but you were getting tired of always trying your best only for it to never be enough. Tired of people defining you. Tired of the reflection looking back at you every morning. It was hard to smile. It was hard to cry. You were alive, but you weren’t living. You had grown to despise every curve, every inch, of your body. No matter what you did, you couldn't stop the feeling of disgust you felt at yourself. You felt sorry for yourself. You felt sorry for your boyfriend, who ended up stuck with someone like you. 

Youngbin

Youngbin, lovely Youngbin who would bend backwards and take any bullet he had to for you. He would do anything for you, but lately he hadn’t seen much of you due to the latest comeback. Anytime he manage to see you, you didn't smile. These days, you only managed to meekly lift the corner of your lips. He noticed the blank look in your eyes, and he tried asking questions- but you always brushed him off. 

He didn't want to push. He thought you just needed space. He would hug you and kiss your face trying to hear his favorite sound, your laugh, but you would always weakly return his affection before returning to your now normal stoic expression. He vowed he would get to the bottom of your situation when he finished with promotions, but he didn't have to wait too long.

You had come back from your shower to lay in bed, sleep never coming easily these days. You didn’t bother looking in the mirror knowing you wouldn’t like what you saw. You laid there surrounded by the soft blankets cocooning around you as if trying to console you. It seemed like hours had passed, your thoughts running rampant in your head chasing away any possibility of sleep.

 When you heard the front door open and close you silently apologized to your boyfriend before closing your eyes and calming your breathing pretending to be asleep. He changed flopping onto the bed and sighing tiredly. He threw his hand around you pulling your body into his and quickly falling under the safe blissful blanket of sleep. 

You closed your eyes desperation making you grimace as you pressed your face into his neck mouthing a apology and a “I love you” against his skin. Feeling shameful, you slipped out the bed. The pads of your feet made soft noises against the floor as you walked to the kitchen where you collapsed clutching your hand to your mouth trying to silence the sobs racking through your body. You couldn't continue to lay in his arms while lying to his face. 

You leaned your head against the cupboard on the floor repeating the same words. “I hate myself”. Youngbin had felt you leave the warmth of his body, and had set out after you only to watch you break down with wide eyes as all the demons came out. He immediately slid down the floor with you murmuring an “I love you” for every “I hate myself”. He would get you to calm down and lead you back to the room. Youngbin wouldn’t sleep well for a few days, sometimes crying for the pain you had to go through.

Youngbin would be the member that felt the most guilty trying to get you to love yourself just as much as he loved you. He wouldn't push you to get help fearing pushing would break you. He was scared, and would have serious conversations with you about your feelings and struggles. He would also become a lot clingier initiating a lot of skin ship.

Inseong

When you were still friends, Inseong was awkward with you always blushing, and even when in a romantic relationship with you, he had his moments. As time went on, he would grow more comfortable and the awkward moments would decrease as he found it easier to be himself around you. Then, you suddenly started distancing yourself from him, and he felt powerless to do anything about it.

 You wouldn't laugh at his jokes, and you always seemed to zone out leaving him to talk to himself. Inseong could never come close to naïve. He knew something was wrong. He just didn't know what, and he didn't know how to fix it. This would leave him staring at your retreating form longingly wishing he could be braver to just ask.

You were waiting for him sat in one of the waiting rooms while he played his part as the witty playful MC he usually was. You sighed as you ran your hand through your hair tiredly looking at your lover have fun from one of the TVs placed in the waiting room. You looked at his smiling face with shame clouding your chest.

 You felt like you had failed him. You felt like you had failed yourself. You felt like you had failed everyone. You hung your head curling into yourself while catching your reflection in one of the mirrors. You scoffed at your pathetic appearance finding it disgusting you were feeling bad for yourself instead of supporting your boyfriend.

You had no idea the show was coming to a close as you stood up glaring at your reflection. “Why? Why do you have to be so selfish? Why can't you think of someone else but yourself for once? Why do you have to be so worthless?” You asked yourself these questions with clenched teeth and a scowl tugging at your lips tears blurring your vision not knowing Inseong had entered the room and heard everything.

 He would stand there with a slack jaw not knowing what to say as it finally became clear what was wrong with his girlfriend. He would call out your name with a small voice and shush you while stroking your hair when you would apologize sobbing into his chest.

Inseong wouldn't say anything about it for a while trying to come up with ways to make you feel better. He would draw you and point out everything he loved about you. He would use his creativity to the best of your his abilities making a jar full of the reasons he loved you. Inseong would find a way to slowly build you up to getting help, and he would be so proud of you when you eventually did. Even when you told him you weren’t ready, he would smile and nod telling you he understood.

Jaeyoon

It was hard to hide anything from him when your relationship was really open meaning you knew each other in and out, but being an idol meant you had practice pretending everything was okay when it wasn’t. Jaeyoon, loving Jaeyoon, even if you were the best actress, he could still see right through you. Jaeyoon is the type to have traced over your features again and again never getting tired of the view of his girlfriend, so when you started faking more and more of your smiles or laughter he knew. 

Jaeyoon would have to watch you fake your feelings until you eventually showed no emotion at all tired from the constant effort of putting on a mask. Jaeyoon watched it all happen with a broken heart and a sad smile. He would smile at you as if knowing nothing, but he tried pushing you into telling him what was wrong slowly backing you into a corner. When you wouldn’t give up your false pretense, he grew frustrated. He just wanted to see your eyes light up again with the gleam of a real smile when your heard one of his jokes.

You and Jaeyoon were sitting on the couch watching a movie your legs splayed over his lap as his hands traced lines across your thighs with his head leaning on your shoulder hair tickling your neck. It was a weird scene. The movie was a comedy, but the only laughter filling the room was Jaeyoon’s.

 Your face remained blank eyes glassy not a single sound coming from you. Every time something funny happened Jaeyoon would look at you waiting for you to smile, laugh, anything. Every time he grew disappointed until he finally sighed opting to get a glass of water before he turned to shaking the answer out of you.

When he left, you would look at the smiling faces of the characters on the screen with pursed lips. “I wish I could be that happy, but I just had to go and ruin everything for myself. Like you always do, you don’t deserve to be happy.” Jaeyoon heard everything. The slam of a cup against the counter made you gasp looking at your lover currently fuming with what seemed a fire coming straight from hell roaring in his eyes.

 He would explode sarcastically asking you questions like, “Why does anyone deserve to be happy? It’s not like you have a boyfriend to tell your feelings to right?” He slowly advanced on you sarcastically rambling before stopping and staring at you. He’d grab your hand placing it on his chest and leaning his forehead on your shoulder. “You listen here and you listen good. You deserve happiness just as much as any person.” He would make you repeat his words until he eventually dragged you to bed. Laying in bed he would repeat the same words against the crown of your head.

Jaeyoon would be mad. Not at you. At himself. How could he not notice his soulmate suffering to such an extent? He would be a bit disappointed at you for not telling him how you felt, but he tried to put those feelings aside trying to understand you more. Jaeyoon sung the cheesiest songs to you when falling asleep, and smile at you brightly waiting until the day you would smile back. On the days you felt bad he let you rant to him as he nodded along stroking your hair and face. I don’t think he would have the heart to push you into getting help, but would urge you to if he felt like you weren’t getting any better.

Dawon

Sanghyuk is already a confrontational and curious person, so when the love of his life would slowly start losing emotion and distancing themselves, those qualities increased tenfold. He would narrow his eyes and ask you what’s wrong scoffing when you told him nothing because something was clearly wrong. He’s one that would get pushy from the second he noticed you not acting like your normal self continuously draping himself on your body like an oversized cat and asking you what was wrong.

 Sanghyuk would be one to try and annoy the answer out of you because how can he help you fix your problem when he doesn't know what the problem is. Along with annoying you there was the moments where he looked right into your eyes and sincerely asked what was going on eyebrows furrowing when you denied everything.

You were visiting Sanghyuk at dance practice as the idol group took a break from their tiring choreography trying to regain some of their energy. You were sat on the couch with Sanghyuk sat on the floor back leaning against your legs, and the other members spread out throughout the practice room conversing with each other.

 You wouldn’t pay much attention to the boy’s conversation trying hard to avoid your reflection on the mirror and zoning out. Then, Sanghyuk would be Sanghyuk and start teasing you, but you had been having a particularly bad day. Without meaning to your inner thoughts would spill out of your mouth. “It’s not like I don't already hate myself enough.”

All conversation would halt, and you could feel your face heat up in embarrassment. Sanghyuk tilted his head back to look at you with a bewildered expression spluttering when you hastily pushed him away. You excused yourself to the restroom scolding yourself for letting something you've been trying so hard to hide be so open. Your shaking hand reached out to open the door, but the door didn't open very far before a hand closed it.

 Looking back, you would see Sanghyuk with a strained smile eyes a bit crazed. “You don't really hate yourself, do you?” When you didn't answer, his smile slowly disappeared setting into a grimace, and his eyes shone with unshed tears. He tugged you into his embrace shaking his head against your shoulder not being able to believe you saw yourself in such a negative light. That night he would cling on to you as if afraid you would disappear.

Sanghyuk would be in denial, but it wouldn't take too much for him to accept it. He would be heartbroken, but he tried his best to help you. He would scream all the reasons he loved you from a rooftop for all to hear if he had to, and he would set up little goals for you. One of his goals would be to try to get you to laugh or smile at least once a day, and he would lock you into his embrace telling you his corniest jokes until you laughed. Sanghyuk would definitely be one to encourage you to get help asking you every single day if you refused the day before. 

Zuho

Juho wouldn't really be one to notice you acting unusual right off the bat. He would eventually take note of the shadows hiding in the irises of your eyes, but he wouldn't know how to bring it up. Juho would become so frustrated because you constantly pushed him away. He would be really emotional, but he forced himself to keep it in. Juho can only take so much before it builds up and pours out like a broken dam. It happened when he was trying to question you, and you kept brushing him off.

 Desperation would win over, and he broke down in tears begging you to tell him what’s wrong. He just wanted so badly to help you, to help ease your pain, and you were making it hard. Juho would become a bit closed off from then on not knowing if he was making anything better but being terrified of making things worse. He learned to wait for when you came to him instead whether it would be for physical affection or emotional support it didn't matter. He never turned you away.

You were visiting him at the studio having heard his distressed voice over the phone. He had looked stressed when you first came in, but he looked a bit more relived with you now by his side. You had sat yourself on his lap ignoring the voices that whispered you were too heavy, and you were currently running your hands through his hair hoping it would take some weight off his shoulders. 

Giving him your brightest smile you told him he should take a nap to catch up on hours of lost sleep, and he could only agree with a small nod of his head and a tired hum that you felt thrum through his chest from your place on his lap. Getting up so he could stand up, you followed him to the small couch in the corner of the room tucking a blue star dotted blanket around him. It didn’t take much time for your boyfriend to fall asleep. You brushed his hair away from his forehead before walking away and sitting down on his studio chair.

You sighed taking a look at the picture of you and Juho that he has set up on the desk. Your heart felt heavy as you took the picture your eyes only staring at your smiling face. “I wish I could love myself, love myself enough to not cringe every time I see myself in a picture....love myself enough to be happy” Your hand would go to place the picture facing down. Instead. you jumped when another hand closed around your wrist setting the picture upright like how it was supposed to be.

 Tilting your head back you were met with Juho leaning over you with pained eyes, and you felt his hand start to shake. He spun your chair around before falling to his knees placing his head on your lap. His other hand came up to clutch at your other hand as his voice broke from his place on your lap. He wouldn't even be able to form proper sentences having to stop and sniffle or clear his throat before pleading with you to just let go. Let go of your stubbornness and tell him everything. You’d rake your fingers through his hair whispering against the crown of his head about just how worthless you felt.

I personally think Juho would be the member to be the most emotional over this. The other members would try to put up a strong front for you trying to be a source of strength for you, but Juho wouldn't hesitate to cry with you. Juho made a special song for you about everything he loved about you, and he’d make you listen to it memorizing the lyrics, melody, rhythm, beat he created just for you. When he saw you having a hard time, he would embrace you singing the song or humming the melody into your hair. If he just wanted to make you smile, he’d tap to the beat of the song, and everyone would think you were crazy for smiling like idiots at seemingly nothing. Juho is definitely one to push you to get help, but he would do so somewhat awkwardly. Like he made sure to walk past the building on the way back from dates just waiting for the day you’d tug him in that direction finally ready to do what you needed for yourself. 

Rowoon

Seokwoo didn't even have to ask what was wrong before he was right at your side trying to make you feel better. He wouldn't hesitate to smother you in cuddles and kisses clutching your body tight to his. When he’d see your eyes blank and empty, he would immediately tread with caution. He’d be very careful not to say something that might upset you. At first, he teased you seeing what reaction you gave him.

 If you smiled, Seokwoo would make it through his day with a big smile on his face knowing he bought your mood up when it was down. If you gave him a negative reaction or no reaction at all, he’d apologize immediately. He wouldn't ask what was wrong right off the bat. He gave it some time and monitored you closely. If he did ask about your odd behavior, he only asked once. He become a lot clingier when he noticed you acting like this believing that just by being near you, you would open up to him.

You thought agreeing to come with the group for a little fun day where they played games and grilled meat would take your mind off things. Distract you from the voices that kept echoing in your head reminding you of the emptiness residing in your chest. In the end, you only ended up making things worse for yourself making messes that the others had to clean up. Like always. When you tried to help Rowoon at the grill, you accidentally zoned out making your boyfriend trip and burn himself on the grill. It wasn't a severe burn, but you had to sit down after that.

Even though he wasn't mad at all, you felt bad saying sorry even after a long time had passed. When the boys were playing soccer. and you accepted Seokwoon’s invitation to play, you kept kicking the ball too hard resulting in one of the boys having to chase after it. You even kicked the ball so hard you hit Chani.  The amount of times you kept messing up slowly started to weigh in on you making your energy and effort quickly deplete. 

It seemed like there was no end to your bad luck. After the 17th time of kicking the ball too far, you excused yourself smiling falsely when the boys tried reassuring you. You sat at the table picking at the leftover meat trying to calm yourself down, but it was no use. It wasn't long before you were tilting your head back in an attempt to keep your tears at bay. You laughed humorlessly. “Great going me, messing everything up like always...not doing anything right” You didn't hear Seokwoo coming to check up on you trying to make sure you weren't upset after leaving the field.

 You only heard the breathless call of your name. In Seokwoo’s mind, there was no time to be shocked or scared. He wouldn't hesitate to take you into his arms running his hand though your hair. His lips would tremble as he pressed them to the crown of your head. He wouldn't even tell the members he was leaving hurrying you into the vehicle you had come in. Silence would fill the car, but once you got home he sat you down sincerely asking to tell him everything. He kept a hand on you wanting to give any kind of comfort he could.

Seokwoo would want nothing but for you to see you the way he saw you, but he knew that strayed far from reality. He wouldn't be sacred to sit you down at random periods of the day to have serious conversations with you about how you were doing. He could never get tired of taking care of you, but would also encourage you to try taking care of yourself. He never hesitated in praising you when you told him you were doing better hoping you weren't lying. Seokwoo did constantly ask you to get help, but he wouldn't do it very often only giving a soft nod and smile if you refused. When you did get the courage to get help, he’d throw a party just between the two of you paired with a celebratory dinner.

Taeyang

When you started distancing yourself from Taeyang, both emotionally and physically, he was terrified. Taeyang hasn't had much experience in dating, so he didn't know if he did something wrong to warrant you putting distance between each other. He didn't know whether to ask you what was wrong or give you the space you seemed so desperate to get. He was clueless and confused not knowing what to do or how to handle the situation you guys were in. Eventually, the dancer was able to figure out he wasn't the one who had wronged you. 

The world did. Society did. Taeyang found himself no longer being terrified of something he had done wrong. Instead, he feared for you. There were so many questions he was too scared to ask. Who wronged you? Were you hurt? Did something happen? Did someone hurt you? Taeyang had to force himself to push all those questions deep down. He would find his own way to comfort you. At random times of the day, he reached out to you or called out your name saying something along the lines of, “You know I'm here for you right?”

You and Taeyang were out on a date. As soon as Taeyang had the opportunity for a free day he seized his chance choosing to spend the day with you. He wanted to try to cheer you up since you hadn't been acting like yourself recently. He thought your mood would have surely gone up, but there was no difference no matter how many of your favorite things he presented to you. When you ate your favorite food, you simply pushed it around the plate with your utensil. 

When you walked along your favorite part of town, you avoided all the windows zoning out for most of the walk. When he offered to go watch your favorite movie, you shrugged telling him you could do whatever he wants. Taeyang was getting so desperate, and he was close to being bought to his knees at your feet. He just wanted you to smile. He just wanted to see your eyes light up again. He almost lost it when he held your hand, and you didn't grip his instead letting your hand be limply carried by his. Taeyang eventually took you into a jewelry store wanting to buy you something special.

You wouldn't be too interested, but you would humor him. He found a bracelet that wasn't too flashy, but it still had diamonds inscribed in it. You looked down at it unimpressed muttering, “It doesn't look good, I’m not good enough to wear this” You didn’t think your sad whisper had been heard by Taeyang. He heard it loud and clear. He couldn't react how he wanted just yet. Handing the bracelet to a store employee and apologizing he quickly pulled you out of the store. The walk home consisted of his breath coming shorter and ragged, and his pace would grow faster.

 When you guys made it back to your apartment, he turned on you with wide terrified eyes. His shaking hands reached out to you fluttering around your body but never touching you as if afraid. Instead, his hands ran trough his hair trying to calm himself down and stop the tears hugging the corner of his eyes. He would sit you down on the couch, and his voice shook as he asked you what had been going on with you. He encouraged you to cry relived you were showing emotion. Taeyang wouldn't get off of that couch until he was assured even a little weight had been lifted from your shoulders.

Taeyang would have more fear than sadness. He was more horrified your own head would turn that badly against you. I think he’d try to make you feel better by distracting you from the things that bought down your mood. He would encourage you to dance with him, take walks in the park, or go into thrift stores to see what kind of wacky and unique clothes found their way into your hands. If you didn't feel like going out, Taeyang wouldn't mind it at all. Time with you was precious no matter how you spent it. Of course he’d give you time to yourself, he just couldn't ignore the little jumps his heart did when you didn't answer a text or a call. He wouldn't push you to get help, but when you did, he’d give you a little gift. The bracelet you had thought you weren't good enough for with “keep going” inscribed in the inside of the jewelry.

Hwiyoung

When you started distancing yourself from Youngkyun emotionally, he wouldn’t know what to do but distance himself too. It hurt him of course it did. He needs assurance that the relationship is going well, so when you put up walls around yourself, he didn't have enough courage in the relationship to try breaking then down. The boys would constantly push him to talk to you, but he would have to gain enough courage by himself. He’d sit down and really think about how much you meant to him. He wouldn't be able to stop himself from having doubts, but he would also be reminded of how much brighter his life became when you entered it. 

How many reasons he had to smile...to laugh...to fight. Youngkyun is young, but he’s hopeful. It’s easy for him to get doubts, but it isn't hard to for him to gain hope when he remembers what he’s fighting for. He walked home finding you on the couch, and he plopped himself next to you placing a hand on your knee. You’d get surprised because he hadn't really spoken to you the last couple of days. Seeing your questioning gaze, he smiled brightly at you before reaching a hand to the back of your neck and leaning your head on his shoulder. He hadn't said anything, but his message was loud and clear.

Youngkyun had managed to drag you to the gym with him. He didn't force you to do anything giving you the choice to sit and do work for college since he really just wanted to spend time with you, but you chose to work out with him. You had been sitting all day studying for exams, and you needed to stretch your limbs out. It had been a long time since you had worked out extensively, so you had to reach deep down to get motivation. In the end, you dug too deep, and the motivation was gained from negative thoughts and memories. 

You were reminded of everything that had been bringing you down the past weeks, and you couldn't help yourself from succumbing to the tidal wave of darkness suddenly clouding your head. Every push up, every squat, every weight added to the dark fog clinging to the edges of your mind. You tried thinking happy thoughts, but the voices won, like they always do. You hadn't even noticed you were crying until you noticed your wet face in the mirror. You knew the droplets of water running down you face weren't sweat. 

You could suddenly feel the eyes of all the other people in the gym boring into your back, and you didn't say anything to Youngkyun as you rushed into one of the small restrooms at the side of the gym. He was listening to music, so he didn't hear you when you left. He didn't notice until he turned around during one of his exercises, and you weren't there. He knew something was wrong. You would have told him you were going to the restroom. He noticed an elderly lady walking on the treadmill asking her if she saw the girl that had come with him only for fear to strike into his heart when she told him she had seen you running into the restroom crying.

 Having her point to the restroom you had entered, he knocked not hearing anything but the soft click of the lock. He opened the door closing it behind him seeing you hunched over the sink. He called your name, and you hesitantly looked up. The look on his face when he met your broken gaze tipped you over the edge, and you started sobbing feeling disgusted with yourself. Youngkyun would also start sobbing not thinking about it at all when he threw his arms around you and let your bodies sink to the floor. You would choke out an apology, and he would shale his head furiously against your shoulder telling you with rattling gasps to never apologize for being human.

Now that Youngkyun knew what was wrong, he would never allow himself to put too much distance between him and you. He always told you to come to him if you ever felt down like that. If you didn't want to say anything, he would sit there with you playing with your hands as you calmed down. If you did feel like telling him, he cried with you reminding you that you weren't weak for feeling like this. He convinced you to let out all your emotions in other ways like kickboxing or painting. He mentioned reaching out for professional help, but it would always be in a casual manner not really pushing for it. He knew you’d get there when you got there.

Chani

While Chanhee would usually notice you acting unusually rather quickly, he took a bit longer because of activities as both an idol and actor. He didn't really have time to be thinking of anything else but keeping himself healthy. When he did notice your stoic behavior, he’d take a lot of time thinking about how long you’d been like this. It wouldn't take much for him to ask what was wrong. Chanhee immediately ruled out the possibility of you being mad at him because you always had told him when you did have a problem with him. 

He doesn't have a lot of experience, but he was able to push past that because you were someone he greatly adored and loved. He didn't want to make a big deal out of it, so he asked causally and calmly. If you kept your guard up and brushed him off, he would keep pushing you now knowing there was something severe at hand. He felt like your mentality and emotions were not something to be kept hidden just because you felt like it was better to keep them vailed. He didn't want to take any chances and was hesitant in letting you go without answering the question.

You didn't visit Chanhee when he was on set many times, but you hadn't seen him in weeks and felt like it would be enough to just see his face. He didn't even notice when you entered the production room. He didn't notice you when he took a break. He didn't notice you when he was talking with his female co-stars, and your hands clenched around the arms of the chair you were sitting on. He never noticed. You could have called out to him, but your mouth felt like it was glued shut with the insecurities circling around in your head. Who were you to disrupt him when he was doing his job.

 No one. You were no one. Eventually one of Chanhee’s male co-stars recognized you coming to greet you, and you gave him the food you had bought having the actors in mind. “Wow y/n, thanks, Chanhee didn't even tell us you were here.” You could only manage a tight-lipped smile in his direction as you briskly walked into an empty dressing room. Dumping your bag by the door, you didn't even think about locking the door as you threw yourself onto one of the chairs. 

Chanhee saw his male co-star coming up to him with a bag of food in his hands and a cheerful smile. “I didn't know y/n was here.” Chanhee would feel his heart drop. He managed a small smile going to one of the staff and asking how long you had been there. The short girl shrugged saying it had been too long to remember. At this point, Chanhee felt cold hands squeezing his heart. He asked where you had gone, and he saw the way she shifted uneasily pointing towards one of the dressing rooms. He didn't stay to hear if she had anything else to say now slightly feeling guilty for not seeing you earlier, but he hoped you would understand. 

Opening the door, and he could see that you hadn't understood as well as he had hoped. In fact, you were well past that point. Looking into the mirror listing every single thing that made you not good enough, continuously running your hands though your hair and bringing strands of it with you. Chanhee stood there trying to process the image of a person he did not know. He had never seen you so broken before. You had never allowed him to see you this broken. He then gathered you up in his arms hushing you as he whispered words of affirmation into your hair trying not to let his own tears fall.

After that, Chanhee would give you and himself space to think. Not about ending your relationship, but about how he should treat the relationship. He was confused, and he would ask his members as well as do some research. He eventually came back to you with a light smile on his face and a hand clasped around yours. What moved you the most was that Chanhee still acted and treated you the same. He was a bit more careful, but he didn't treat you like you were made of glass. You were the still the same person he fell in love with, and it would remain that way no matter what. He would also be one to ask you to get help, but he wouldn't push you too much. 

Reminder

What you have done and what you will do matters in this world. You matter. You are worth it. There is only one of you, and you are important and capable no matter what. You are human, and that's okay. It’s okay to not be okay, and it’s ok to be scared. You are more than what people label you as, and even if you don't know who you are, that's okay too. My ask box is always open, my messages are always open, and if you think you’d bother me, YOU WOULDN’T. I’m always here if any of you want to talk!!