#a cig however

[so-very-small]

I’m on their desk, in front of the giant. They eclipse my entire field of view with the way they’re looming over me.

And they tell me to roll them a cigarette.

It takes a few minutes of fumbling with a paper the size of a blanket, wrestling leaves and filter in place. An exhausting task for me, something they can accomplish with far less time and effort, but all they do is watch. I can feel their eyes piercing me, like pins through a bug, the entire time.

Carrying the damn thing is a struggle. I’d drag it if I wasn’t so worried about ruining it and having to roll another. They lean down expectantly, lips parting ever so slightly. I have to perch at the very edge of the table before carefully placing the cigarette between their giant lips. I’m intimately close, their every exhale ruffles my hair back, and I can see the tiniest smirk form in the corner of their mouth. Stepping back, I try not to dwell on it.

They light the cig themselves, taking a long drag and blowing it out upwards. Smoke hangs in the air, the ceiling light shining through it like sunlight through clouds. The giant still eclipses everything else. They don’t say thank you.

Their only response is a small lift of the cigarette, a tiny salute of approval. I don’t like how my heart skips a beat. But as the smoke settles into the room and the exertion leaves my body, I do dwell on it. All of it.

The smirk, the salute, the cigarette.

The next day, they ask me to roll them a cigarette, instead of telling me to.

And I find myself saying yes.

[tohruies]

[freyjuseggr]

surgery in the morning. i am so stressed out. can yall just send me good thoughts or something?

[hellscreen04]

So Yuri and Cathy's talk of mirror worlds being accessible was true. Infinite possibilities, and yet this one is closest to something resembling familiarity.

I know you are not her, though you speak much the same. I will extend greetings still, out of desire to not be impolite.

Hello, Mother.

- @painterly-flames

Hello, daughter.

Hope you’re eating well.

[oozeandgoo-art]

[itskaist]

Hello! Thank you for signing up for my little fandom project. Like I mentioned in my post, these will be once a month character building/exploration questions. I don't expect immediate answers. Feel free to take the whole month, if you need! If you have more than one Step, pick your favorite or whichever you think needs more love.

We're going to start with the basics this month: Where did your Sidestep get your name? Do they know what it means? Do they feel any particular way about their name?

- Cigs

"Feel free to take the whole month," how about two months. Can we negotiate. Haha arriving incredibly late, but arriving! Thank you so much for doing this! 💜

Four 'Steps, a lot of thoughts.

Josiah Cohen

Josiah after his escape used many different, disposable names. Simple ones; Tom, Bill, Lee, Joe. He's actually stuck with Joe for a while, and that's what he was using right before switching from petty crime to vigilantism. I have a small story in my head that I'm still not sure if I consider canon for him; but in essence, he would have saved a smalltime store owner from getting robbed, and that person would take him in for a time. Fed him, gave him a job. They'd had a late son also called Joe, short for Josiah, and so, that is the name that he took on. Liked it enough that he discarded 'Joe' altogether. Didn't want it to be used as a nickname during his time as Sidestep, it reminded him of those scrappy early days too much. So Anathema proposed 'Josie', instead, and after some pretend-grumbling, Josie it stayed. He enjoys the minor gender-fuckery aspect of it.

Cohen came about quickly enough. He was looking for something simple to complement the more uncommon name, to make the whole set seem more natural. At the Farm, he was sometimes assigned a Jewish cover identity for missions, and he came to like it; so he chose the most common Jewish surname that he could find.

His Regene name at the Farm had just been Grey. In my mind, the Regene language would have to be very simple, one symbol encompassing many meanings, to convey a lot with as little as possible. So 'Grey' is a gentle translation, as it could also mean featureless, blank, empty, having no personality. He would have been very isolated there, removed, intentionally so by the handlers but also himself not quite knowing how to socialize in that kind of an environment. So that is what he was called, an unknown, but also possible threat due to being afforded special care and attention; uncanny valley of a Regene, not quite one of them, not quite one of the People. In that grey zone, if you will.

Mina Beik

Mina's Regene name is (or was, for the longest time) Midnight Heart, and it was difficult to leave it behind. She identifies strongly with being a Regene, a weapon, a monster of their making. So she wanted to choose something that at least sounded similar. In her first days after the escape, she'd just inhale television, watching anything and everything at shitty motels that she stayed at. She'd especially come to love telenovelas and soap operas of any kind, anything with a lot of content that helped her observe People and learn of them. There was a character in one of those that she had watched called Mina, and she identified strongly with her. Hadn't used that name for a while still as she struggled to figure out her gender, but as she did come to terms with her identity as a trans woman, she remembered that name and chose it as hers. 'Beik' was just something random to, again, complement the sound of her Regene name as she added more segments to it.

And to that end, post-Heartbreak, she became Midnight-Heart Broken-Reign. 'Midnight' for her hair and eyes, but also mysterious yet serene manner; 'Heart' for kindness and intuition. 'Broken' added in around her time of escape, a cut through her own heart, not enough of neither in so many ways. Then taken back, reclaimed, as Broken Reign, a strike against powers that be.

From the people whom she loves, she likes to be called 'sweetheart'; but really anything cutesie will do. Sweetpea, sweetums, sugarplum, candycane. The more tooth-rotting the better.

Gabriel Vidal

Gabriel wanted something meaningful, something monumental. A name that he could give out proudly. He circled some first names of famous people, but didn't quite wanted them to overshadow who he is, or at least, who he wanted to become. So in the end he settled for something half way, something more mythological, religious--an angel. Gave him a kick once he came back as a villain, to have fallen.

Vidal was a nice counterpart to that, from vitalis, vital, life. Something enticing about combining the heavenly and the earthly, the eternal and the temporary; just as he is stuck somewhere between Regene and human, produced and born. Shortened to 'Vi' as a nickname because 'Gabe' is an aberration.

His Regene name would have been Second Sun Eclipsed. His inner sun burning so bright and usually so joyfully, but also capable of devouring fervour. He always strived to be the best, to excel and to be praised; and yet he always came up just short. Eventually, he came to suspect the handlers of skewing his results in order to motivate him, or something, because how else to explain it? All he ever wanted was to satisfy them, to be their first, their favourite. Could never achieve it. Someone else almost always outdone him, eclipsed him. Well, no more. He'll take what he can't get.

Sasha Ausecha

Choosing a gender expression was one of the first things on Sasha's mind post her escape, and a source of so much exhaustion. As a fresh escapee and then Sidestep, he did initially stick with the Farm-assigned female gender, but only out of… fear? Confusion? Something was itching right under her skin, and not fitting, not matching. He was always bold and proud, and hated this feeling, feeling lesser, feeling smaller, somehow. Scared. Didn't want to be neutral, neuter, undefined. So, a name that was female-yet-male was the one. An inside joke. A poke at her own insecurities. Slap a bandaid on and figure it out later. Just be both for now, and then choose. Never did get to the 'choosing' part, but maybe that was the whole point.

As for the last name, it meandered and changed form for a good while. However, originally it comes from her interest in religion and ritualism, something scarcely allowed or talked about at the Farm. He was looking for some unusual saint or else a holy person, to take their name on for companionship and protection. Fell down a rabbit hole of early Byzantine saints and chose Auxentius of Bithynia. Died on February 14th and celebrated that very same day, an auspicious omen, wouldn't it be? A blessing for a life loved and lived fully.

Her nickname is Chichi, which in its multitude of possible translations, I'm choosing to say was a hilarious mashup of 'chico' and 'chica', back in her Sidestep era when nobody quite knew how to address her, and neither was he eager to enlighten them.

Regene name Chirping Bird Caged. The cuckoo singing oh so pleasantly behind the bars of gold...

[b1mbodoll]

I’ve never had sour mango pineapple sure I’ll send it in the mail!?!?!

I’m mainly a cigarette smoker tho….

-🐍

my realest ever thank u <3 this flavor was so good to me at first but now its boring i miss my watermelon ice geek bar 💔

is it bad if i say cigs r hot 😕😕😕 sorry for speaking my truth… but its True

[talentforlying]

something something the way he's always self-aware enough to recognize when he's been a prat and regret it later = the way he's always revolted and creeped out by people who are "fans" of his or find him cool or otherwise try to follow in his footsteps. y'all get it.

[johncon]

Not existing for a while keeps sounding nicer and nicer.

[foursaints]

anonymous opinions you say? i think you’re really cool but in the english teacher that is definitely going through a divorce way

okay i take back my enthusiasm about the ask game . because it's suddenly getting a little too real 😭

we're doing the anonymous opinion ask game

[sunnybugz]

why the fuck did nicotine withdrawals give me the smokers cough/chest tightness/general Disgusting feeling 😭😭 before i quit i was fine but NOW i sound like i smoked a pack a day for years

[gojohatemail]

Anyway enough about that, Atlus is gonna make me pick up smoking thanks to these.

[sar3nka]

God said smoke indoors

[saltandskeletrons]

Guys if you haven’t smoked a cigarette I a while I highly recommend

[coolspork]

Anyone know what's happening with the weed smoke discourse? Where did this come from and why have ppl taken up arms like it's the end of days. Why r ppl talking abt calling the cops over weed still 💀

[narcia]

my mom is making dinner and im still waiting for the clothes to dry before i can hang the towels.. my back hurts but i am going to play more video games. frustrating day not going to lie.