#a fucking lamprey

[kilroywasqueer]

fFucking creatures post

fun fact theres no picture here of the American Dipper (bird) but the last picture is of its nest- dippers are so sick they can like jump into fast-moving streams and angle their wings downward to use the water pressure to hold them at the bottom while they walk along and look for aquatic arthropods

also any time they are standing around they kind of like... bounce??? like theyll sort of bend and unbend their knees and just do a little pop squat every couple seconds

extremely good bird

[zombified-queer]

I love thinking about the line where the Lobby Boy mentions having to get the guests things that "aren't allowed." I know it means, like, ashtrays to smoke in the rooms and minor, petty things.

But imagine what Madam's idea of ladies of the night would be.

[doddsmountain]

hi Dodd I'm in the mood to learn some fish things what are your top 5 favorite fish?

OMG!!!!!!!!

SO! Number 1 is OBVIOUSLY Oncorhynchus mykiss... AKA the rainbow trout

These guys are amazing. They are the most farmed fish in the world by weight (not numbers). And they're not a trout! They are a true pacific salmon, like chinooks, cohos, sockeye, etc etc.

These dudes are different than the other pacific salmon though as they can spawn multiple times! That's why they don't undergo quite such extreme transformations during spawning season.

Rainbows are typically landlocked. Steelhead trout (which are Oncorhynchus mykiss mykiss) are the rainbows you see out at sea.

NUMBER 2: Acipenser transmontanus.... WHITE STURGEON!

This photo is a poor image I took of the baby white sturgeon I got to take care of for a year during my fisheries and aquaculture tech program.

White sturgeon are the largest sturgeon species. The largest ever recorded was 20 feet long and roughly 120 years old. The oldest sturgeon I worked with, Tyra, was about 9 feet long and was only 65. They reside along the pacific coast of North America and they are pure muscle. A two year old is about a foot long and the scutes (modified scales) are sharp as hell. You can't wear gloves when you handle them either so your hands get cut up real bad. I loved taking care of them. They're like giant, muscly, slimy dogs.

Females will lay roughly 3 million eggs per spawn and the eggs will hatch after about 6 days. A newly hatched white sturgeon is a few millimeters long. Crazy to think about.

This is my jar of dead babies.

NUMBER 3: Frog fish!

Wish I could remember who took this photo!

Frog fish have specially adapted pectoral fins that they use almost like legs! They're bottom dwellers and "walk" along the sea floor.

I don't know much about them I'm afraid. My brain was almost entirely consumed by rainbow trout and white sturgeon.

These guys look so grumpy! (I like to say my 'fursona' is just a regular ol' frog fish lol)

NUMBER 4: A fish my family had for about 15 years... A bloodred parrot cichlid named Sir Rupert Finklebottom III, Esq. (We learned she was female when she was about 9 years old)

These fish are man made abominations and I do not recommend owning them. They have horrible health issues and they have nasty personalities. We had two of them. Rupert and Regina. Because they're crossbreeds they're essentially infertile. Rupert and Regina both laid thousands of unfertilized eggs when they were roughly 9 years old. They only did this once. They ate all of their eggs within a week.

People say they're good community tank fish. They are not. They're aggressive little assholes. Ours had to live in their own tank and they'd try to bite you if you put your fingers in their tank (it didn't hurt because they can't close their mouths and have no teeth.)

They have malformed swim bladders and are just generally awful fish. But boy do I miss my Rupert and Regina.

And finally

NUMBER 5: All manner of eels. For the purposes of this I'm going to say Rock Gunnels.

These slippery little dudes are sharp as hell. When I did a practicum at an oyster farm these dudes kept getting pulled up in the oyster beds and I ran around scooping them up and tossing them back into the sea. They come in a variety of vibrant colours too!

BONUS FISH:

This abomination. It's a lamprey of some sort. And if I gotta look at this thing so does everyone else.

[venacoeurva]

Local mer encounters some problems, feat his concept art version which is really goofy looking but I wish they kept the horns and weirder body horror tbh

-Please do not reupload, edit, or use without proper credit or linking back. Ask first please.-

[divinefleshmage]

[savage-rhi]

Before the pandemic sent us into The Black Death 2: Electric Boogaloo, the last con my friends and I attended, we joined an art contest panel where everyone at their table was given 3 minutes to create something based on a prompt.

This is the piece that won first place for the theme "sexy".

This fella beat an HD Leon Kennedy in a two piece.

This fella beat a Levi in a skimpy maid outfit.

This fella beat a Deadpool in stilettos.

This fella made everyone tuck their tails between their legs and go home.

This fella got best in fucking show.

And my friend wanted to toss him out afterwards.

No.

This man deserves a mantle. A place of worship.

Alas I have found a spot worthy of a king.

Say hello to the epitome of sex appeal...

✨️💖Bob💖✨️

[squeakadeeks]

impressing the homies with my vast and detailed knowledge of eels

[lousiee]

mileena is hot and i will not stand down from this actually

[leavingautumn13]

disappointed in the amount of extant jawless fish on this planet

[pleuvoire]

i got scared, so i headed home.... i was getting a bad feeling about this.... the frogs were starting to croak, so i hurried.... and when i started running i tripped.....

[bunnyhopkins]

Life is no fun without needlessly strong opinions and a love of hyperbole!!!!!! That thing killed my father!!!! This color is proof god exists!!!!!!!!

[sillywilly32]

holy fucking shit you guys lampreys are terrifying

[megalobsterface]

No One Else Is Saying It So I'm Going To: Elden Ring DLC Is Transphobic As Fuck

The entire character of Count Ymir feels like Fromsoft was upset people weren't as disgusted by Gwyndolin as they were supposed to be, so they turned the transmisogyny up to 11 and made it absolutely unmissable how much hatred they have towards trans people. And most people on the internet are still fucking missing it somehow, so let's break it down, I guess.

Count Ymir is an NPC in the Elden Ring DLC, Shadow of the Erdtree, and is the main character of his own questline in the DLC. He's an old man who sits on a throne and is only ever referred to with he/him pronouns, and he wears a 'priest's outfit' that involves a habit-like crown and a long, purple robe.

One of the first things you learn about Count Ymir is that he's somehow attached to a deceased child named Yuri, to the point where he starts calling tiny fingercreepers by his name. You can find Ymir at night sobbing over the gravestone, while during the day he cradles a tiny, dead hand and calls it Yuri. While giving him an obsession with an underaged boy who may or may not have even been his son is definitely sus, it's literally the least weird part of this quest. It's mostly there to set up unease and distrust with Ymir, because they player doesn't know how Yuri died, and suddenly this old man is treating creepy monsters as children and calling them by this dead child's name. Again, nothing incriminating on its own, but that's just the set-up.

Ymir gives you a "bell," which is a long, cylindrical object with a bunch of holes in it, one of those holes on the elongated tip, that the player takes to places called 'Finger Ruins' to unlock treasure. Finger ruins are large, grey deserts with giant stone fingers jutting out of the sand. These ruins are inhabited by fingercreepers, enemies from the base game that are spider-like severed hands, and these new enemies that are long, lamprey-like finger men that can grab the player and suck on their face. To use the bell Ymir gave you, you go up to a giant version of the bell and blow into it, the hole on the tip the size of the player's entire face.

As you go on these treasure hunts, you meet Jolan, Ymir's bodyguard, a woman who is protective of the old man for some reason. Ymir mentions that Jolan has a sister named Anna, and both of them are purehearted. Here's the thing, though. During the 2nd treasure hunt, you can find a secret room in a tower nearby Ymir's church, and in that room is Anna's corpse, turned into a puppet somehow. Puppet summons in the base game are heavily, heavily implied to be victims of sexual violence, as the man who makes them, Seluvis, exclusively makes puppets out of women and naked men, keeping some of them in his bedroom behind a magic door, and getting very personal with you the instant you find out about this. These are dead bodies that are meant to be read as the objects of sexual gratification to the one who made them that way.

Anna's puppet is in a secret room near Ymir's church. It is explicitly stated later that Anna is Ymir's "doll," further cementing the implications from the base game. Before even getting to the end of the questline, we have confirmation Ymir is a sexual predator who has murdered at least one adult woman, which puts his obsession with a deceased young boy further into question.

After the 2nd treasure hunt, you return to find Ymir crying at Yuri's grave. He tells you that Marika, the queen of the lands between, final boss of the main game, and mother of DLC antagonist Miquella, is a failure because she is a bad mother, and that Miquella is doomed because of a "rotten root." This brings up his other obsession, that of motherhood, and how Yuri would still be alive if he'd had a better mother. You can probably see where this is going.

Ymir gives you a third map, which tells you the church is already in a finger ruin desert, which is obviously untrue, as you can see it's not. So you look around and find a secret tunnel underneath Ymir's throne while he's at Yuri's grave. Underneath the church is a hidden finger ruin, with fingers jutting out of the sky and one more giant bell at the end.

Anna invades you here, though it's clear from before that she's been long dead and this is her reanimated corpse being used for Ymir's bidding. After defeating Anna, you get to the last bell, and instead of treasure, you're teleported to a sea of fingers and fight Metyr, Mother of Fingers. This is a fromsoft game, so you can use your imagination on what a boss who is themed around maternity and has a body made up solely of long, plump fingers looks like. Hint: phallic and unpleasant.

After beating Metyr, Jolan tries to kill you for ruining Ymir's plan, somehow? You just followed his maps and did what he asked, and this ruined his plan. He told you where to go, gave you the key item you needed to use, and asked you to do it for him. He drew you a MAP. But this ruined his plans? None of this quest was thought through beyond the cruelty it applies to real world groups, the writing makes literally no sense. Hate crime aside, the writing is just bad.

After fighting Jolan is when the other shoe drops and Ymir is summoned as the final boss of this sidequest. His title is Count Ymir, Mother of Fingers, and his purple priestess robe is now bursting at the seems with wriggling fingers. He says he will be "A true mother. The only mother." He fights by literally giving birth to fingercreepers, spewing them out of his robes as a projectile. Let me remind you of the phallic nature of this enemy, and of Gwyndolin, the other transfem-coded hate crime character Fromsoft made, who had snakes wriggling out from under her dress. This is a repeated theme in these games, of transfem-coded characters having dangerous, cylindrical objects under their clothes.

To be blunt, because I know not everyone is seeing this, having Ymir call himself a mother and then immediately be shown to be covered in penis-like fingers that were hidden under his robe this whole time, is an anti-tranny joke the devs are making. They made it with Gwyndolin, who we actually liked, so they went more explicit and made it again with an old man who kills women and children, sexually assaults them, and then tries to take sole ownership of the word "mother" because of his hatred towards women. The key item he gives you is designed to make the player feel violated. The entire quest is choked in phallic imagery, with Fromsoft practically screaming at the top of their lungs "PENIS ITS PENISES, HE HAS PENISES HE CAN'T BE A MOM BECAUSE OF THE PENIS!!! ISN'T HE GROSS, ISN'T HE SCARY??? PENIS!!!!"

It's fucking disgusting. It's detestable that they went through all of this trouble to show us how un-fucking-welcome we are in this game's community. This is some of the worst transphobia I've seen from a mainstream title in decades. This is Silence of the Lambs, Sleepaway Camp type shit. I would not be surprised if JK Rowling had a writing credit for this DLC. This isn't even getting into all the poorly thought-out incest they added into the main questline, either.

Fuck Fromsoft. I hope all the people who wrote this quest choke on air. It's fucking pathetic, I'm mad as hell, and any trans person who plays Elden Ring, or any other Fromsoft game, should be mad as hell, too.

[plaguedocboi]

Lampreys are basically just fish that went "fuck this" and became leeches

Fun fact! Lampreys have existed since the Devonian period while leeches didn’t evolve till the Permian, so actually leeches are worms that went “fuck this” and became lampreys

[marinememes]

Today is Wet Beast Wednesday!

Today’s wet beast is: Sea Lamprey

Olive’s wet beast fact: this Dracula wannabe has around 150 teeth in its fucked-up round mouth. Baller.

Stay tuned for more Wet Beast Wednesdays!

[zeravmeta]

i still fucking adore this plot twist especially because of how it also recontextualizes oberons actions at the very end. vortigern as a curse made to destroy britain is this giant handsome fella

which is a conglomerate of bugs all made to consume the land and destroy it. the land of fairie britain is not only made of corpses but also sin, as it continues to grow it only further damns itself because the fairies are fickle beings who act purely in self interest, unable to truly change. when they die their bodies remain and a successor to their name is born from the land, once again taking their place and once again being unchanging, which is why the land of fairie britain has been an unendingly cruel land subsumed in curses and its also why vortigern is the one meant to destroy it. the insect of the abyss is called as such but in fact doesnt really look like anything its just a tube with wings, at MOST you can MAYBE say it looks like a leech or lamprey but in fact hes just a void that consumes and annihilates everything only adding to its mass. a curse and a lie all ultimately as such because there is no meaning other than total destruction to the curse but oberons will is what motivates the destruction of the lostbelt and chaldea and not vortigern and thats why its so significant

oberon-vortigern isnt just destroying britain. hes letting the bodies rot and the sins fade away, quite literally the bugs on a corpse that let it decompose and pass on