#a hint of helnik

[jomiddlemarch]

what it is to be a thin crescent moon

Chapter 28

“Hear me out—" Alina began, stopped by Aleksander taking up the hand she’d perhaps unwisely been gesturing expansively with as a consequence of the glass of medovudkha he’d shared with her over-generously as it turned out. She could hardly bring herself to regret it, recalling the  tender look in his eyes as she’d put her lips where his had been and then the heat that flared when she’d licked the last drops from her bottom lip. She wasn’t an accomplished coquette by a long shot, but she made an effort when they were alone to treat him as any man might be by his sweetheart, as she supposed he’d hardly ever been able to enjoy such attention as General Kirigan; his own people regarded him with respect and a loyal affection and the nobles of the Tsar’s court who would flirt or entice would see him as a novelty or political operator.

“You don’t need to ask me to listen to you,” he said.

“But I do,” she said. “Because of exactly this, how you stop me to tell me I don’t need to beg your permission or ask and I think you are partly hoping I’ll lose my train of thought and mostly hoping I’ll let you steal a kiss, as if you need to steal anything that I’d most happily give you—”

“You would? Most happily? You wouldn’t begrudge me or suffer my attentions with the patience of a Sankta?” he said, using his grasp on her hand to bring them closer together and it didn’t make any sense that his dark eyes reminded her of the golden liquor she’d swallowed so eagerly but something of it must have shown in her face, because he was smiling now, that secret smile he saved for her, that said she was cherished and also that he didn’t understand why she loved him in return and to the exact same degree as he loved her but that he would let her try to explain again. And again.

“You know I would and how readily and now I believe you’re fishing,” she said. “But back to the point I wanted to make about a century ago—”

“I don’t think it was so long, milaya,” he interjected, shifting so she was nearly in his lap but still far enough away there was some way to call it a conversation and not an assignation, a tryst well on its way to a tumble.

“You have no sense of time in the boudoir,” she retorted. “Ivan said so. He said you only count the seconds on the battlefield, in combat or negotiations—”

“We are not negotiating, then?”

“No, I am trying to have a conversation and you are amusing yourself by interrupting me,” she said. It was interesting that he had not chosen to inquire about her discussions with Ivan and their general content and tenor, but perhaps he didn’t want to at all encourage her to think of Ivan in conjunction with Aleksander’s presence in her most private chambers.

“You’ve told me more than once I am too serious, Alya,” he said but he leaned back a little and shrugged.

“I know, I just—I think you should let me say what I was going to say and then you can argue with me about that and not whether or when I said it,” Alina said.

“Please do,” he said and then looked at her expectantly, the very picture of earnest listening, so nearly convincing she was almost tempted to kiss him instead of speaking.

“We could leave. Ravka. For good. Make a new start in Novyi Zem or one of the colonies or one of those islands that are supposed to be beyond Zem,” she said. “I’m sure they exist, the stories about them are too detailed to be completely made up and they’re the kind of details no one would actually make up—"

“Run away?” he said.

“No, we wouldn’t be running away,” she replied. “We’d be making our own choice, writing our own narrative. All this,” she gestured with one hand to indicate the Little Palace and the Second Army, the Tsar and the Fold and the prospect of Nikolai’s betrayal, “we could leave this behind. We could stop being saviors and only be people—”

“We would still be Grisha, still Summoners,” he said.

“Of course, but maybe it wouldn’t have to define every aspect of our lives,” she said. “Maybe you could be Sasha and I could be Alina and we wouldn’t have to carry the weight of the world on our shoulders. We could change our names if you want, I think I’d make a passable Jeska or Eirin.”

“It would be a long voyage,” Aleksander said. Was he warning her or warming to the idea? “And we could not bring great wealth from Ravka without attracting notice, we would not live in a palace—”

“I’m used to living very simply,” Alina said.

“We would have to keep secrets, we couldn’t speak openly about where we’d come from, who we were. I would be the only one you could ever talk to of your life, your griefs,” he said.

“Hardly anyone else understands me anyway, it would be no great loss,” Alina replied.

“We would have to learn a new language, we couldn’t speak Ravkan, not even when we were alone,” he said.

“Everyone says Ravkan is the hardest tongue to become fluent in. That what they speak in Novyi Zem is so easy a child will pick it up in a day,” Alina said.

“We would leave everyone else behind, not only our enemies, but our friends. The students who depend on us. The Grisha who have not yet been tested, who would be at the mercy of Nikolai and his pledge. Genya, David. Ivan. Your old friend Malyen, you could not even leave him a letter,” Aleksander said.

“I know,” Alina said. “It would be a sacrifice. We would have regrets and perhaps they would hate us—”

“Envy us or wish us well, it wouldn’t matter,” Aleksander said.

“How could it not matter?” Alina said.

“Because we would never do it,” Aleksander replied, smiling at her. Not sadly and not superior, just as if she’d walked into the room and he was glad to see her. “You would never do it, it’s only worth the words, the daydream of the taste of the salt spray on our lips, a lantern hung in the front window of a small cottage, a visit to the theater, the cheap seats in the back worth every cent.”

“First you said we would never and then just that I would never do it,” Alina pointed out. “You would?”

“I couldn’t,” he said. “You wouldn’t, won’t, and I wouldn’t ever try to persuade you. I couldn’t. You’re not made that way and even if I am or could be, I could not go without you and I will not see you altered, coerced into anything other than yourself.”

Alina frowned and felt it on her face. Aleksander laughed very softly, but he did not drop a kiss on the tip of her nose or chuck her under the chin as if she were very sweet and very silly.

“It’s a pretty daydream and I like it very much, milaya,” he said. “I thank you for sharing it with me, for letting me know you would imagine us so, a whole world you’ve given me to return to when this one is overwhelming. Unrelenting. It’s a comfort to be able to imagine something like that, even if it’s never to be more than that.”

“Never?” Alina repeated.

“We can see our way to something better I think, now that we’ve found each other,” he said. “A future with all the joy you gave us, that we can share with our Grisha, a future with honor and memory.”

“I don’t rate honor that highly,” she said.

“You’re a poor liar,” he replied. “Though I wonder—are you trying to lie to me or yourself?”

“I don’t,” she insisted and now he took her in his arms completely, grazed her cheek with his lips and the tickle of his beard, then whispered in her ear.

“You call it something else then, but it all comes to the same thing,” he said. “How could it be otherwise when you Summon the Sun? Don’t be so quick to deny it, for I need it in you and I have done these many, many years.”

“Sometimes, I wish we were back in the woods, and no one knew where we were,” she confessed. “Not the part where you were so badly hurt, but the rest. The world seemed so far away then and our problems were so much simpler. Enough wood for the fire, enough grass for Opasnost to graze.”

“I know, moya dusha, I know,” he said. She heard in his voice how he missed it too, how he did not judge her for it, nor would he mock her for her idealization of that time. At least, not very much. “I do think you’re conveniently forgetting how monotonous you found the lentils.”

“I didn’t know there’d be so much herring,” she said. “I thought you were exaggerating that part.”

“I’m sorry,” he said.

“Why?” Alina was not sure he would even hear the word but of course he did.

“Because we cannot just run away together, no matter how much we might long to,” he said. “There is no where we might go where we would not still also be here, though I wish it were otherwise, not so much for myself as for you—"

“Not about the herring then?” she said because she couldn’t bear the anguish that had altered the timbre of his voice. If they could be escape, she could at least give him respite, just as he gave her refuge. It worked; he laughed.

“No. On that score, I have no regrets,” he said. He gave her a squeeze that had more fond affection in it than lust.

“I’ll marry you the next time you ask,” she said, apropos of nothing and everything all at once. She could tell she hadn’t exactly startled him, but he hadn’t expected her to say it.

“And if I were to ask you now?”

“Then now would be the next time and on that score, you shouldn’t have any questions,” she said. “Are you asking me now?”

There was a long silence, a long stillness between them, and she wished she could see his dark eyes but she wouldn’t move away even the space it would take to face him.

“I’m always asking you, Alina,” he said, finding some impossible way to hold her even more closely. “I’ll always be asking you.”

His kiss tasted of the honey that made the liquor, the rich, heady sweetness distilled of pleasure and admiration into an unbreakable promise, an insatiable desire, the vast, welcoming peace of recognition. Another night, she would want more from his touch, another night she would cry her need for him aloud, but now, this was enough, this first kiss of their marriage, anticipated but not too early, nor yet too late. When he drew back, he looked dazed, as if he’d drunk a full flagon of medovudkha in one swallow, but Alina felt a perfect clarity. She took his face in her hands and let him see it in her own expression, her cheeks flushed, the braid she’d woven coming loose from his caress. He leaned so his forehead touched hers, closed his eyes, and took a deep breath before his parted lips took the shape of the word Beloved. She would undertake whatever words and rituals were deemed necessary, she’d even wear that ludicrous, opulent gold veil, but none of it was necessary to the truth of their hearts: they were married and when he opened his eyes, he would only and always see his wife.

He gave her his title, Lady Kirigana, but not his name.

He gave her his ring, but it was gold, not silver; a plait, not a claw.

He gave her his vow, but not his claim, his eyes full of tears he would not shed.

The Apparat was there, his gaze steely, his voice steady raised in chant.

Togtuun was there, standing at Alina’s side veiled in flocked chestnut silk, and David Kostyk stood at Aleksander’s, his cuffs singed, two witnesses chosen for their ability to keep secrets and tell the truth, whose loyalty could never be breached and who could not be harmed by having been present.

When she learned of it, Genya smiled. Fedyor clapped his hands. Ivan shrugged, leaned back and crossed his legs at the ankle.

When she learned of it, Nina laughed and handed over a coin fished warm from her bodice to Matthias, who blushed and took it.

When she learned of it, Baghra prayed. The room grew dark with shadows like velvet, like the smoke rising from a battlefield; when the shadows cleared, her face was unlined but her hair was still grey, the grey of silver in the crucible, not iron in the forge.

When he learned of it, Prince Nikolai flung his scarlet cape over his shoulder, bowed and kissed Alina’s hand, the greeting offered to an ambassador’s well-born bride, a gallantry Alina accepted. He needed to think she believed his lie, so she nodded her head and thanked him before she took drew back her hand and laid it on Aleksander’s forearm.

“General Kirigan, you are a lucky man,” Prince Nikolai said, his face bright and open as if he would never have thought of a coup, of making the man across from him the scapegoat, his bride made a widow before a year was out.

“I must be,” Aleksander answered. “Indeed, I must be.”

[toron0]

man I’ve seen a few posts now about wesper being an example of the hypersexualization of queerness and, idk, it sort of doesn’t sit right with me that showing a queer relationship as explicitly sexual is being called inherent hypersexualization? Like in general obviously queerness IS hypersexualized and that is an issue, but as a queer person it was such a lovely thing to have a show not just hint at a queer relationship, not just say ‘these two characters are together and you know that because we said so and maybe let them kiss once’, but allow a queer relationship to take up space and never shy away from making it clear that they ARE together and this IS a sexual relationship *as well as* a romantic one. One of my favourite things about the grishaverse is how queerness is just accepted without being talked about, like I don’t think there’s even one instance of homophobia at any point? And I love that we got to see this relationship on screen, it was such a balm to the soul to see queerness openly depicted and go unpunished. Yes, it’s not at all a slowburn, but it’s good in its own right, and there are definitely still things to explore that could create and maintain tension in the relationship (Wylan’s identity and back story is a big one, but the show also hasn’t gotten too deep into Jesper’s gambling yet, and I feel like they will they’re just saving it; plus the parem storyline could complicate Jesper’s relationship with his Grisha identity in new ways) so that they don’t become boring/irrelevant. It’s safe, it’s lovely, it’s so fucking tender it drives me insane (kit young’s physical acting - Jesper’s hands are so GENTLE with wylan it kills me every time they are so soft.) If you didn’t like it that’s completely fine! You’re allowed to dislike a piece of media lol. But many queer people - and don’t forget these are queer adults not teens - have sex, and it isn’t inherently fetishizing or hypersexualizing to let viewers know that. Esp in a show that explores sexuality in ALL it’s main relationships, the rest of which are between a man and a woman.

(On a slight side note I’d argue that wesper in the books aren’t actually a slow burn anyways, it just feels that way because it takes like one and two thirds of a book to get there, but the actual timeline from strangers to moving in together is like. 3 maybe 4 weeks tops, depending how long the boat journey back from the ice court took - and they didn’t even talk on that journey, just pined. Helnik is established first but they have like a year and a half of history at least, and Kanej have what, 2-3years of history? Wesper canonically speedruns a relationship too it just feels drawn out as readers bc the books themselves only cover 3-4 weeks of time.)

[kanejbr3kker]

What I want instead of SoC 3

don't get me wrong, i'm sure that if leigh wrote soc 3 it'd be great, but i honestly really don't want her to make it cause:

-we all know someone's gonna die and it'll probably be kaz or inej which means it'll just hurt even more

-rule of wolves was the most perfect end to the grishaverse and i feel like adding another full novel would kinda ruin it

-a lot of people have only read soc, but since the third book would be set after kos, people who only cared about soc would have to go back and read shadow and bone so they could read kos so they could read soc 3

what i want instead:

-a collection of novellas about the crows! any or all of the following:

-the heist thing that zoya brings up at the end of row; i don't feel like it's enough to be a full book but it'd be fun to see (also if it's a novella no one will die so bonus points)

-early kanej!!!! i NEED to see kaz teaching inej how to pick locks and giving her her first knife

-kaz and inej stealing the dekappel cause they just bring it up so casually throughout the books and i want to see it actually happening since yk it's their first date

-nina, inej, and jesper becoming friends; their friendship is so great and i would love to watch them first getting to know each other

-wylan before he left van eck's house; obviously the main reason wylan got kicked out of his dad's house was the fact that he couldn't read but jesper also joked about him sleeping with one of his tutors and it's never really confirmed or denied and i just need to know

-post crooked kingdom kanej; i've read too many fanfics about their long distance relationship and now i just need it to be canon

-wesper just chilling in van eck's house after crooked kingdom and occasionally breaking the law (basically what they hint at during the crows cameo in row)

-something helnik related i really don't care what

-kanej anything

(:

[stromuprisahat]

TW RAPE MENTION AND NAZI IMAGERY

What I would have done with Fjerda instead of Helnik(scornful): we start on a smiling blond-haired blue-eyed family man, let's call him Alfred, who kissed his wife and children good morning and was the picture of classic paterfamilias at the breakfast table. He leaves to his 'lumber mill' management job. He gathers his workers, has morning prayers, and enters his office where he reviews paperwork on today's fresh 'logs'. He goes to the collection room, picks out a young blond Grisha for himself before telling his men what to do with the rest.

After the deed is done he continues working, observing a room of emaciated Fabrikators working on a tank. We see one guard nudge a skeletal young woman slumped over her table, declare her dead and carts her away to the incinerator. He comes home, kisses his wife and hugs his children and goes to sleep soundly.

The horrific is routine.

That's too obviously Nazi. Better to keep it in hints and put a lovely romance that will miraculously fix him.

Or outright describe drugging breeding factory, and pretend killing some of their staff and showing the victims to inhabitants of nearby town will earn a wave or righteous indignation for their sake and turn the population into Jew Grisha worshippers of Living Saints.

A girl who couldn’t be more than sixteen was being walked up and down the length of the corridor by a Springmaiden. Her feet were bare and she wore a light gray gown that stretched over her jutting belly. “I can’t,” she moaned. She looked unspeakably frail, the thrust of her stomach at odds with the sharp knobs and angles of her bones. “You can,” said the Springmaiden, her voice firm as she led the girl by her elbow. “She needs to eat,” said another of the women from the convent. “Skipped her breakfast.” The Springmaiden tsked. “You know you aren’t to do that.” “I’m not hungry,” panted the girl between heavy breaths. “We can either walk to help the baby come or I can sit you down for some semla. The sugar will give you energy during the birth.” The girl began to cry. “I don’t need sugar. You know what I need.” A tremor passed through Nina as understanding came. She recognized that desperation, that deep hunger that sank its teeth into you until all you were was wanting. She knew the need that turned everything you’d ever cared for—friends, food, love—to ash, until all you could remember of yourself was the desire for the drug. The wasted body, the dark hollows beneath her eyes—this girl was addicted to parem. And that meant she must be Grisha. Nina peered down the row of beds at the women and girls. The youngest looked to be about fifteen, the oldest might have been in her thirties, but the ravages of the drug made it hard to tell. Some cradled small bumps beneath their thin blankets, others hunched over high, protruding stomachs. A few might not have been pregnant—or might not have been showing yet.

King of Scars- Chapter 18

Just don't kill the guy behind all this no matter how many chances you'll get, because he's your new LI's daddy, and he DOES love his child (as long as he doesn't know they're Grisha too).

Save some mercy for my people my ass. Dying wish or not, it shouldn't extend to the likes of Jarl Brum.

[she-who-the-river-could-not-hold]

apricity [a helnik ficlet]

apricity - the warmth of the sun in the winter [from this prompt list] Nina-centric, background Helnik | setting: modern AU, inspired by canon storylines | wc: ~1k

Nina could feel the bite of cold morning air before she even walked outside. The low temperatures that had brought out the necessary extra quilts, all handmade, to pile onto the bed. The wooden floor below, freezing the bottoms of her bare feet as she’d scurried from the dresser to the bathroom. Later, the wood-burning stove would fill the small cabin with a crackling warmth. For now, a chill took its place. 

Hat crammed onto her still-messy hair, Nina double checked all of her layers before pushing the front door open. She slipped out onto the porch. It was just big enough for two rocking chairs and a side table. all of which looked like they’re carved out of the same type of wood. She’ll remember to use a coaster if she ever bothers to set her coffee mug down on it. That’s a big ‘if’ though––right now it’s the best Saints-given handwarmer she could ask for. Bless her own self for remembering to set the timer on the machine the night before so the pot would be hot and ready for her.

It’s peaceful this far up north.

Shockingly peaceful, compared to where her apartment building is back home in Ketterdam.

Nina would never consider herself a morning person. 

But things have started to change the past year and being up here right now has only solidified it. From where she’s nestled deep into the rocking chair, she can spot the rays of sun beginning to crest over the treeline.

It’s just her and the silent nature around the cabin to greet the sunrise today. The snow blanketing the ground around them is pristine, a glowing white that has deep blue shadows and a twinkle on the top. The pines surrounding the cabin are stoic, standing tall and still, not even a hint of a breeze this morning. Branches somewhat weighed down by their own piles of snow. Later, no doubt, there will be a crunch as the family of deer living nearby come by. Bird prints, just dainty enough to leave a mark, could be contenders. For now, they’re hidden in the trees, waking up alongside her. She doubts there will be an addition of human tracks today; there’s no reason to leave the cabin for another day or so. Especially if the promised snow tonight ends up adding on to the current layer. 

Her nose was tingling and no doubt a bit red. She was thankful for the thick woolen socks on her feet, protecting her toes from feeling as cold as her cheeks. Nina inhaled the aroma and steam of her coffee before taking a sip, eyes still trained on the treeline. 

It had become her new routine.

Waking up to watch the sunrise, a moment of silence and peace that she didn’t even know she craved until showing up here last week. To watch the sky shift shades, lightening up to a pale blue as golden warmth stretched out. It naturally wouldn’t be warm today, but it made the sun’s kiss all that much better. A casting of warmth across the cool chill that otherwise snuck straight to your bones if you weren’t properly dressed. It emerged over the trees, fracturing the sun’s rays into radial stripes of gold across the snow and reaching out towards her. Warming her up as it rose up and cut across the porch. 

Nina had spent a lot of time not paying attention to the little moments like this.

Never again would she take any of it for granted.

When her mug was half empty and the sun now fully in the sky, the door to her right creaked open.

“Need any more coffee? I took all I need and there’s still a little bit left,” Matthias asked, voice still deep and raspy with sleep.

Nina frowned at the sudden sight of him, shooing him to go back inside.

“What do you think you’re doing opening the door, dressed like that? You can’t catch a cold,” she swore. It was difficult to be too angry when his bare chest looked that good––but that also meant she could see the very reason the two of them were here at this remote cabin. The bandages over the bullet wound would have to be changed now that he was awake. His recovery was going well up here, back in his homeland, but that didn’t mean he needed to get frostbite and mess this whole thing up again.

He chuckled, rolling his eyes-good naturedly but slipping back inside all the same. She was pretty sure she caught some type of comment about her being bossy, but it only made her preen. Matthias liked his women bossy. Or well, he liked her when she was bossy. And also, she got to be in charge as his resident live-in nurse as she helped get him back on his feet. Her word was law right now.

The memory curdled in her stomach and Nina’s gaze grew momentarily unfocused. 

She’d never forget the day she’d found him in the street. He’d been running late to their anniversary dinner and she’d known when she’d heard the bullets. Her hands had been as red as her dress she’d worn from all of the blood, pressing onto him as she fought to keep him alive. The EMTs had said they’d never seen a miracle like that, how he could have been shot like he had and that she’d been able to keep his heart pumping. 

She wasn’t too sure either. 

The faint sound of music turning on inside the cabin jarred her from the memories and she shook herself free.

Two more weeks up here of recovery and Matthias would be as close to normal as he could have ever hoped for. She got to sleep beside him, feeling his warmth of being alive. Spoil him, make him waffles exactly how they should be made. Read in front of the evening fire, his large hands encased on her ankles as she stretched out on the couch. She’d never been much for snow but their winter walks to get his cardio back had woken up new appreciation in her. The same thing that drove her to wake up before sunrise each morning now, to watch the golden glow and to feel the kiss of the sun. Letting it warm her from the inside out. With one last glance at the sparkling snow, Nina smiled to herself before making her way back inside the cabin.

She already couldn’t wait for tomorrow’s sunrise but now there was a whole day to embrace.

[meilia-stims]

Can you please do a Helnik (Matthias Helvar x Nina Zenik - Shadow and Bone Netflix) with hints of red, please? ♥️ Thank you!

Nina Zenik x Matthias Helvar (Shadow and Bone) stimboard for anon

❤️ 🐦‍⬛ ❤️

🐦‍⬛ ❤️ 🐦‍⬛

❤️ 🐦‍⬛ ❤️

[jackwolfes]

Jesthias [Referenced Helnik/unrequited Kazper] // Six of Crows // 2241 words // M rated @kinktober2023 Day 3: Hate Sex Bonus warnings: light daddy kink (mostly mocking)

[all kinktober fills]

The forearm pressing against his collarbone smarts, and Jesper knows it’ll probably bruise. 

He breathes in and laughs about it, but it hurts, too — and he likes it. He really fucking likes it. When he grins it’s slow and filthy, but the stern glare Matthias sends him in response stays still like solid stone. The room around them is dark, lit only by the secretive glint of the lights outside. The windows up here aren’t thick enough to block out the noise, but Jesper can’t differentiate any of the roaring laughter of drunks on the street with his own rushing pulse, slamming repeatedly in the corners of his mind. 

“Could’ve bought me dinner first,” he tells Matthias. Then he grins, wide enough that — hopefully — the light catches the glint of his teeth.

“Be quiet,” Matthias scolds. 

Jesper thinks it’s almost funny to be scolded when he has his back up against the wall and the bulge of Matthias Helvar’s cock against his thigh. He wasn’t hard when Jesper first started needling him in the bar downstairs, but they aren’t downstairs anymore. They’re in the cramped little storeroom up here, allegedly finding something for Kaz, but neither of them are stupid enough to believe that. 

So Jesper tips his chin up, back of his head hitting the wall as he feels the pinch of Matthias’ arm holding him up against it. “Whatever you want,” he whispers with a cocky smile, “daddy.” 

The shudder Matthias gives him in response is full body, paired with a red flush spreading along his face, his neck, the peeking hint of chest that Jesper can see in his sinfully hot shirt. It’s buttoned high, but not high enough. 

He grins, like the cheeky little bastard he is. There’s laughter following, and laughter that makes the tiny thrust of his hips up against Matthias’ thigh a lot dirtier. In response he gets the forearm against his collarbone pressing harder. Jesper wonders absently if he’s going to end up bruised. Oh, he certainly hopes so. 

He wriggles a little, squirming and writhing and getting close to moaning – not because Matthias has done anything, just because he’s desperate. 

“You dirty fucker,” Jesper drawls, voice slow. He very badly wants to take them back on track. 

“Be quiet,” Matthias repeats again. Jesper laughs again, which leaves Matthias shoving harder again. “I said, be quiet.” 

Jesper darts his eyes between icy blue eyes and a perpetual scowl, lips he wants to have kiss him hard into the wall at his back. “Make me,” he murmurs.

He knows the world sees him and thinks he’s a slut. It’s not hard to see. It’s not hard to guess, either, with his slow grins and the lazy tilt of his hips. He tips his chin up at anyone that smiles – because he’s a whore, because he's desperate, because he needs – but he doesn’t think he actually ever means anything by it. He wants a very particular person that isn’t Matthias Helvar, a person Jesper wants to pin him up against a wall and hurt him too, but he can’t have that — so he spreads his legs and welcomes Matthias in with greedy lips and wine-stained promises. 

Only the Saints know what Jesper is thinking at any given time. What he knows now is that he kind of wants Matthias begging. 

Matthias doesn’t beg; of course he doesn’t. He leans back, though, releasing Jesper just for a second before picking up his thin wrist in cold hands and pinning it hard to the wall beside his head. Jesper feels himself inhale sharply. Fuck. 

Then he slams his lips against Jesper’s and starts to kiss him. 

It’s a bit wild and full of teeth, tongue, spit and split lips — nearly, at least. Maybe Jesper is getting ahead of himself, maybe he’s hoping. All the same he bites down hard on Matthias’ bottom lip and hopes for retribution, arching his back and starting to rock his hips up into the ones pressing him to the wall. Jesper has to wonder how Matthias thinks the world sees him. Brutish, angry, bitter, cold. None of it’s right, although maybe he’s leaning into some of that now for Jesper’s sake. There’s a bitter taste at the back of his tongue at the thought. He just wants Matthias. He always wants just Matthias. A friend, although there’s animosity. A friend, all the same. He wants the man that’s clearly pining with a fierce passion for someone, too, leaving the two of them sides of the same coin. Mistaken for something they aren’t; desperate for scraps of affection; denied the people they really want.  

Matthias doesn’t say who exactly it is that he’s pining after, although Jesper has his suspicions. He doesn’t pull them out, even on nights like this — which happen more and more each passing week, tensions growing between them till they snap like twigs and lead to one of them with their mouth full. It’s usually mouths, or hands, but never more. Jesper has his suspicions about why that is, too. 

When Matthias pulls away — not letting go of Jesper’s wrist — they both gasp. Aware it makes him look desperate but not stopping it, Jesper tries to lean in for another kiss, but Matthias doesn’t grant it, even when Jesper grumbles. “I fucking hate you,” he whispers. Matthias’ iron glare doesn’t melt, doesn’t bend. “Come on, Helvar. Get me off or let me go.” 

And he’s a fucking dick, in Jesper’s opinion, but he isn’t stupid; they’re both here for one thing. He squeezes his grip around Jesper’s wrist, fingernails digging in even though Jesper thinks he probably didn’t mean for them to. Then he takes his other hand — the one that came up to rest on Jesper’s hip, not shoving him back in the wall so much as it was just there to hold him, unfortunately — and uses it to fumble with the lace of Jesper’s trousers.

“Stop moving,” Matthias tells him. Jesper doesn’t listen. 

“There’s lube in my front pocket,” he replies. “Don’t need a condom if you want to fuck me.” 

Ice-cold eyes lift to look at Jesper, bitter as ever. “I won’t,” he says, voice firm and a little disappointing. 

“Prude,” Jesper breathes. He kind of means it. He mostly doesn’t. “Want me to fuck you instead? Is that what it is? Is that your big dirty secret?”

He sees fire in Matthias’ eyes, dangerous depths — but every sort of fire is dangerous for a man that’s usually cold. “Ask Kaz for it if you want it so bad,” he replies. 

It burns like liquid metal. 

When Jesper was a teenager working with a gunsmith near his father’s farm there had been an incurable urge at the sight of molten iron, calling to him like a siren — do it, touch it, you want it — even though he knew how hot it was. He never touched it, not even by accident, but he saw the aftermath of metal burns. Years after the fact, when they were faded so smooth scars lined on dark skin of his mentor’s hands and arms, but smarting with the ache probably forever. 

Matthias speaks the name of a man Jesper pretends he hasn’t fallen for and it burns just as bad; Jesper will feel it for days. 

“Don’t,” he snaps, jerking away from Matthias’ touch. “Fucking don’t.”

He yanks on the grip holding his arm, hard enough to force Matthias to work at keeping him still. In his surprise at Jesper’s outburst his hands go slack, loose enough that he’s set free. On instinct Jesper shoves him, so hard that he stumbles, tripping over whatever the fuck this shitty storeroom is full of. Jesper glares at him. He can see regret in Matthias’ eyes but doesn’t bother feeling vindicated. He just feels angry. It’s hatred, except he isn’t strong enough to actually believe that it’s hatred, and just kind of feels sad about it. The one thing Jesper is sure that he does hate is the look of pity in Matthias’ eyes, so he steps into his space again, grabs the collar of his shirt, and yanks him back into a kiss. 

They stumble on their way back to the wall, slamming Jesper up against it one more time. Almost all of Matthias’ weight ends up pressing into his, forcing him flat but still managing to have the space to shove a hand between them and pull Jesper’s cock out of his trousers. Jesper bites his own bottom lip, too stubborn to moan, and sinks his teeth in harder to hold it back. Bloody iron bursts on his tongue, and he’d laugh at the irony of the fact he did it to himself. It doesn’t really matter. 

It hurts. He likes it. He starts to cry anyway. 

Matthias works his cock faster, faster, and Jesper feels tears spring up to the corner of his eye — maybe because he’s hurting or maybe because he feels really fucking excellent. He cries because it’s good, he cries because he’s hollow, he cries because there’s something in the back of his head that won’t let him do anything else. It’s a need, and he’s never been one to control his emotions. They swallow him whole. Just once — just once — he’d like to get ahead of the curve and hurt them first. He’s tired of them hurting him. He just wants control. With Matthias, he doesn’t have control, but he never gets it. With Matthias, he gives it up – or, more accurately, forces Matthias to take it. It’s what they both need, and Jesper is more than willing. 

“Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck—!” 

With a fractured cry Jesper comes, hips stuttering and legs wobbling. His head drops and comes to rest on Matthias’ shoulder, which Jesper never usually does — but he can’t help himself. Matthias’ other hand has come up to rest on his hip again. As Jesper’s orgasm flickers away into fading sparks behind his eyelid he feels Matthias’ hand on him. It’s warm. 

Then Jesper’s legs go out from underneath him. 

If Matthias were any less startled Jesper likes to think he’d have caught him, but he doesn’t seem to have been expecting it. When Jesper’s knees wobble again he thinks for a moment it’s going to be temporary, but it isn’t. He crashes to the floor and, although Matthias’ hand does clench on his hip, it doesn’t keep him upright. With a groan, tinged in laughter, Jesper hits the ground. With his back against the wall it isn’t so bad, but it isn’t ideal. He kicks his legs out ahead of himself, dropping his head back with another thunk to hit the wall. 

To his credit, Matthias doesn’t force him upright again. He extracts himself from the tangled mess of long limbs, then lowers himself to sit back down at Jesper’s side. Not once does he comment on the heavy rise and fall of Jesper’s chest. Jesper doesn’t even have it in him to say something snarky about the fact it was his fault in the first place. 

“Give me a second,” he pants. Matthias tips his head, as noncommittal as he gets. The man doesn’t shrug, Jesper’s noticed. 

They sit together in almost-silence, both of them breathing and saying nothing. The sounds from out the cheap window filter through, although Jesper still isn’t quite able to make them out yet. He lifts a hand and touches his fingertips to his lip, staring at it when it comes away bloody. Shit. 

“It’s Nina.” 

Jesper lifts his head. Matthias isn’t looking at him, just staring out at the cramped room around them. “What?” 

“Nina Zenik. My big, dirty secret.” His voice is wry, and tastes like acid. Jesper blinks, looking at him with a blank sort of look as he tries to make sense of what Matthias means. He only barely remembers saying those words, but he does remember. They’d been mean. He’d meant for them to be, at least. 

“I thought you were gay,” he says. Matthias finally turns his head, looking quizzically at him. Jesper shrugs. “I thought I was your secret side piece while you dealt with all of the emotional repression you have going on.” 

To his surprise, he gets a laugh. “No,” he says easily. “I like women. Or — I like Nina.”

Jesper blinks, then narrows his eyes. “She’s wanted to fuck you for like, a year.” 

Unsurprisingly, Matthias only scowls. “It isn’t that simple.” 

“She wants to fuck you, you apparently aren’t too gay for it, and you want to fuck her back? What isn’t simple about it?”

Jesper has been pining after his best friend, sexuality unclear, for years now, but Matthias is calling this tricky? Incredulity sparks in his vision. Kaz only seems interested in money and revenge, except for the fact he leaves Jesper with just enough hope to keep wanting. But here’s Matthias, with a beautiful girl incredibly down to fuck that he just can’t get over himself enough to ask on a date. Matthias, who gives Jesper an even glare and says nothing further, which makes him scoff. He rubs a hand over his scalp, shaking his head. 

“Alright,” he says. “You know where I am until you get up the balls to do something about it.”

“I have no intention of doing anything about it anytime soon, you know.”

With nothing else to do for it, Jesper only laughs. “Saints help my stamina, then.”

[justanotherfanaccount]

here we gooooo

shadow and bone s2e2 reaction

ok I know some people didn't like that they changed sturmhond's character but I kinda like it...it makes him more of a "privateer" *cough pirate cough*

also it makes sense that he didn't know the darkling and alina were working together since literally everybody else does...especially since they changed it to have the darkling not be on the ship

darklina scenes are very well done...the desire and the way the darkling is describing his past and his way of thinking

I love the genya darkling sceneeee...it shows that what the darkling is doing is affecting him physically

it almost seems like the darkling doesn't like his nichevo'ya which is a whole different side of the darkling we haven't seen

not the darkling saying thank you and then being creepy as hell

OMG PER HASKELL it's all coming together now...kind of

WYLAN TRYING TO LOOK TOUGH I LOVE HIM

omg not nina knowing everything

Matthias it'll be ok babe 🥺

I love sturmhond only learning mals name after he became valuable 🤭

Tolya and Tamar understanding how Alina felt on the outside of both Shu and Ravkan 🥺🥺

they definitely make Alina more of the "hero" type as well with her originally being the one to want to find the amplifier to tear down the fold

"there is a cost, always, to making difficult choices. The key is making sure that cost is not regret."

"trust is the other side of secrecy kaz, remember that" love them...and their secrets

Pekka never took kaz seriously until crooked kingdom so having him take him serious now is gonna change some things...I just wonder how

aww now we get sentimental sturmhond

Paddy is such a good sturmhond honestly they just casted extremely well because tolya, Tamar and wylan are all extraordinary 😭

ope...he still doesn't know mals name 🤭

"when people say impossible they mean improbable" love

morozovas journal?

confirmed

BAGHRA...well she's not blind...YET...but we'll see

I love this sea whip hunt...the music is so good

I think it's cool that they made it on an island and they were on their feet not on a boat

ahh the helnik flashbacks are so well placed

WYLANNN

his facial expressions 😭🥰

"have we met before?" this man 🙄

wylan looked SO DONE when jesper called him a total stranger 🤭🤭

jack understands wylan SO WELL like he's PERFECT

also wylan and jesper have such good chemistry even though it's still the stage where jesper "doesn't like" wylan...it's great!

no FUCK THAT if that creep ass bitch thinks he can't put inej back in the menagerie

how tf is he getting stabbed and fine with it???

there's that upped rating again (aka watching the madman pull the knives out of inej)

NOT JESPER REMEMBERING WYLAN ONCE HE'S LITERALLY ON TOP OF HIM STFU I LOVE HIM HE'S SUCH AN IDIOT

THE CHEMISTRY

God I love jesper he's so cool

(also don't mind me rewatching all the wylan scenes like 3 times)

I need scenes where kaz had all the shit planned the while time...cuz that was always the best parts in the book

(because when Nina showed up I thought that was gonna be Kaz's whole thing like "everything went to plan")

not jespers thumbs up while wylan was getting choked 🙄🤭

YES WYLAN

omgggg durast jesper GET IT

don't mess with nina she's a bad bitch

ope! here comes the black veil!

did jesper just slap wylans ass? 🧐

OPE THE MAL AMPLIFIER HINT

also him helping her stop summoning 🥺

"my alina" that's some bad bitch energy

[shioaoi]

Shadow and Bone Season 2 Reactions:

Episode Eight

"Did she find the Firebird?" "Long story. It's Mal" "Did you say Mal is a bird?" - why is the dialog randomly so funny in places.

Jesper calling Wylan his man then instantly being like wait we havnt put a label it and realising now is not the time for this conversation is so dorky and cute

Nothing offers ultimate power like being forced to kill the man you love

Shut up dark bitch you've done enough

Oh thank the lord he is dead

Alina turning to the dark arts to save Mal

Mal instantly knows somthing is wrong with how Alina brought him back oooo the drama

"The Four Charming Rouges of Ketterham" "there's five of us" - WHY IS KAZ SO FUNNY OMG

I swear I better get another Matthias scene before this episode is over

Mal losing every element of himself when he died and having no idea what he's meant for anymore, my sweet baby boy you need all the hugs

OTHER BABY BOY!

No don't turn to Pekka

He's joining the fights again no Nina did so much to keep you out of them

"I just want to feel somthing different" - he doesn't want to keep feeling the pain of loving and being betrayed by Nina. They are both so broken

I expected David was dead from the previous scene, but part of me was hoping he somehow made it. I guess not.

He was going to make Genya a ruby ring 😭

'Choice, not Destiny" - such a good line

Mal is awesome fuck the hate he is the truest of baby boys in my heart

Inej with her hair down is so pretty

Kaz wanted so desperately to answer Inej's question with "you"

THE WAY HE GRABBED HER AND SAID STAY GAVE ME A HEART ATTACK

Inej's face after he said "stay with me" jesus christ it's 1am I can't handle this

THE WRIST HOLDING AFTER HE SAID I WANT YOU AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

THEY ARE PULLING THE HOW WILL YOU HAVE ME LINES FROM THE BOOK THIS IS NOT FAIR

She knows how she wants him from her illusion in episode six and she is not going to compromise

Love seeing just casual queer relationships

Mal becoming Sturmhond makes me happy

Ooo so Inej is joining the pirates

NINA BACK IN HELLGATE MY HELNIK HEART IS NOT READY

Please no Matthias don't kill the wolves

FUCK YEAH THE WOLVES HAVE JOINED HIM

NO PEKKA DESTROYING MATTHIAS'S PARDON

MATTHIAS SEEING NINA AND SCREAMING NO BROKE MY SOUL - LIKE HE KNOWS SHES THERE FOR HIM AND TO HELP HIM

Kaz buying out any girl who was forced into being a sex slave and offering them honest jobs at the club - he's a good man at heart

Oh shit the shadow monster is stuck inside Nikolai

IS THAT HINTS TOWARDS THE ICE HEIST I SEE?!?

[seleyyn]

some s&b season 2 opinions (obviously spoiler warning)

the kanej and wesper scenes!!! (do I need to say more?)

i waited the entire season for matthias to be freed and he is still stuck in hellgate?? 😭

the crows in general >>>>>

show mal is actually a slay so i was highkey upset he just leaves in the end??

also I kinda wished Alina had lost her powers like in the books

the entire neshyenyer story line was so pointless or is it just me?

nikolai is so hot and my mans deserved way more screen time + that shirtless scene in the end? whew

they really are testing helnik fans‘ patience huh?

i think they also focused way too much on pekka rollins this season idk

the way we were robbed off of genya and david‘s wedding??? screaming and crying and throwing up

i think the second half of the season moved a bit too fast i didn’t expect them to merge siege and storm and ruin and rising into one season tbh

like there were a lot of elements from the books that I missed (eg. where is „I am become a blade“)

the darkling‘s death was lowkey anticlimactic

also is it just me or did y’all also expect the seawhip to be looking more grand and majestic?

the finale got me breathless like the hints towards six of crows and king of scars?

don’t know how to feel about the villainification of alina in the end but I‘m excited

i hope tolya checking out inej was just a fever dream

[eerna]

She knew she shouldn't speak, but she couldn't help herself. "And what did you do, Matthias? What did you do to me in your dreams?"

The ship listed gently. The lanterns swayed. His eyes were blue fire. "Everything,“ he said as he turned to go. "Everything.“

That’s from the books which makes me hopeful the hinted Helnik scenes are only Matthias‘ dreams

I know, his horniness totally made me hate him in the beginning, but a) in the show he was never asleep when we see it, and b) it is edited the same way as flashbacks instead of the dreams/hallucinations. I'm not married to it, it may as well be weirdly placed fantasies with muddled visual language, wouldn't be surprised

[phantaloon]

okay okay i really have to go to bed but i also need to say that

spoilers for shadow and bone s2 and the soc and kos books

apart from jurda parem and the hints of nikolai's demon, the end was just kinda underwhelming lmao??

like from the shadow and bone books plotline I'm sorry but alina losing her powers and mal losing his tracking abilities thus making them equals in every sense of the word and have each other understand the other so well was the perfect ending, it didn't really make sense to have malina split up, alina stay in ravka and mal play sturmhond of all people like?? how and why and where?? it's just so weird to see that but worse than that was alina summoning shadow?? excuse you?? idk I'd hoped they'd stick with alina's end of her story but oh well

ALSO killing David was so fucking unnecessary 😭😭 the triumvirate being two summoners and a corporalnik makes no sense and i hate it as much as i love my girls bc i wanted david to be there so badly

positive thing tho! the little hints! the bee after the darkling's death! the demon reflection of nikolai in the mirror!!! I'm too sleepy to remember more!!

as for the crows, it really really upset me how they used parts from crooked kingdom that were essential to the resolution of events before the ice court even happens lmao like pekka is in jail, what will motivate kaz? inej is with sturmhond, which honestly GOOD FOR HER but how are we gonna bring her back?

wesper being together was the best part tho i love them and it will make their relationship and personal growth so special in the ice court story <3 ALSO i really did love the way they handled the helnik situation, there's still a lot of messy shit there, but they both love each other so much it's <3 <3

so yeah i really do fucking hope we get more <3

[musicallisto]

wip tag game

I was tagged by @heliads to share all the titles of pieces in my wip folder, and let my followers ask about any title they find most intriguing! half of these are random ideas floating in my head that I still haven't written anything for, so I'll tell you my idea but I'm afraid I can't give you any excrept to go off of

⌲ woven in the stars (prince friedrich x f!reader)

⌲ amigos con derechos (four-part javier peña x f!reader fic; the first chapter as of now is called clandestino)

⌲ jolly sailor bold (prince caspian x reader)

⌲ firework (calderon lynch x f!traveler)

⌲ all that light touches (helnik)

⌲ ketterdam (kaz brekker)

⌲ my soul in the arena (my life on the line) (aramis x f!reader)

⌲ let your hair down (newt x reader)

⌲ on a winter's day (nina zenik)

⌲ like a kid at a funfair (adam du mortain x detective)

⌲ amur waves (gleb vaganov, maybe like hints of gleb x anya. literally dk)

⌲ draw your swords (ernest sinclaire x f!reader)

⌲ i'll bless my homeland till i die (helnik)

⌲ castle in the snow (robb stark x f!reader)

tagging some of my writing besties & generally writers I love a lot <3 @amirahiddleston @ilylipgloss @ladyvesuvia @ddejavvu @destourtereaux @noesapphic @retvenkos (idk if you have singular wips aside from like rabbits and poets, but just in case! the world can never get enough of your writing)

[druskelle-akito-official]

// six of crows au akito

he takes matthias' place & is from the same au as @/heatrender-ena-official & @/sharpshooter-rui-official

we're trying to keep this spoiler-free, but there may be minor spoilers somewhere

ic: druskelle talks

ooc: not druskelle

lore under cut:

ena was sent off to ravka before he was born but hes vaguely aware he has a sister.

akito was raised in fjerda and became a drüskelle (fjerdan witchhunters trained to kill grisha) at twelve.

like in the books ena was taken captive by them and akito secretly helped her. kind of.

they got shipwrecked and ended up saving each other’s lives. cue the typical constant bickering.

ena then ends up accusing akito of being a slaver and he goes to hellgate prison.

ena reluctantly works with the crows to get him out.

they have a siblinglike dynamic without either of them knowing they’re related. shinonome is a common enough name, right?

even though helnik (matthias and nina) is like. a ship. obviously with akito & ena they ARENT a ship.

vague hints of akitoya btw

[jomiddlemarch]

I am this thing that needs to sing

“It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. You can’t pass it up.”

Alina lay in her unmade bed, staring at the ceiling. It was close to dawn and she might as well have given up on the idea that she was going to get any sleep, but it was too early to get up, because then she would actually have to start considering what she as going to do. The offer hadn’t come with a firm deadline but she knew one was implied, just as she knew the agent for Kirigan Records, a cheerful dark-haired man whose card said his name was Fedyor Kaminsky but who’d insisted she call him Yori and who seemed like the last person to be involved in the music industry except for the sharp cut of his blazer and the grimace he’d been unable to suppress when he glanced at the shitty amplifier Duke had left on the stage, had been surprised when she hadn’t screamed out Yes, oh my God, yes when he’d approached her to say they wanted to sign her.

Why hadn’t she screamed out Yes, oh my God, yes?

She’d asked herself the question roughly ninety-seven billion times since she got into her ratty car to drive him; Nina had already asked it of her, sprinkling in Fuck and goddamn and you go, girl with a mixture of pride and dismay in her blue eyes and Zoya had said wait for the contract my cousin’s a 3L and he can take a look but you have to go for it and Inej had just smiled at her, one of those inscrutable Inej smiles that Alina still couldn’t parse but never stopped wanting to and had uttered the words Alina kept replaying as she closed Alina’s car-door.

“It’s the opportunity of a lifetime. You can’t pass it up.”

It would mean everything changed. She’d be a real singer, a real artist, signed to one of the most prestigious recording labels in the world. She’d have real money and probably could afford a car that didn’t stall and an apartment that had more than one room and didn’t shudder when the train passed and she’d be what, a real girl? A real woman people respected?

It would mean everything changed. She wouldn’t be playing shitty gigs in shitty bars with her best friends, laughing with Nina about cheese fries and why the bridge didn’t quite work, playing cards with Zoya and listening to her rant about Nina’s insistence on the key change that was brutal, singing duets with Inej off-stage and crashing on her couch, forgetting to return the paperback she’d loaned her, Inej finding it when she came over to hang out and gripe about the latest staff meeting they’d both spaced out in.

It would mean she’d spend her time singing. Not just in the shower or in the car, at rehearsal with the band and at their gigs, but every day. She be getting paid, well, to do the thing she loved best, instead of getting paid, barely, to support doing the thing she loved best in the little bits of time she could grab and hold. Kirigan had an amazing reputation as a recording company but Kirigan himself was more a mystery. She didn’t like not knowing who it was she was hitching her wagon to as her aunt Ana would have said, but she couldn’t expect the chief executive of a record label to sign new artists himself. She didn’t like not knowing if they’d only let her sing, if they’d support her song-writing, if they’d let her perform with the band now and then—she didn’t know what degree of control she was giving up for the promise of freedom and she knew enough for that to scare her.

Was she going to say no because she was afraid?

Was she going to say yes for the same reason?

The sun had come up and it made the apartment look as good as it ever did, a gloss of butter on the second-hand furniture, the kitchen table and the salvaged armchair, but it wasn’t helping her make a decision. Coffee wouldn’t either, though she got up to make some anyway, resigning herself to feeling slightly run-over for the whole day, worse than usual after a late night. She could make a pros and cons list, she could go for a long walk or sit in the park, or blast Joan Jett and Joan Baez and Joan Osborne through her earbuds while she sat in a lukewarm tub of water, but she knew she wasn’t going to find the answer that way.

It wasn’t going to be about what she wanted but what she couldn’t bear to regret.

It was going to be about who she trusted to be waiting for her if it all fell apart. And it might. Spectacularly or pathetically or ordinarily. There were no guarantees, no promises that couldn’t be broken.

It was going to be about her gut and her heart and every dream she woke from with the song still ringing in her ears, rising in her chest like the sun.

It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Her lifetime. Whatever it cost her, she wasn’t going to be able to pass it up.

[lafiametta]

'happiness' as helnik prompt :)

I'm not sure this is what you had envisioned when you sent me the prompt, Anon, but I hope you enjoy it anyway! Set during 1x04.

That night, once they had set sail, the belly of their ship filled with drüsje captives, Brum let them eat their fill from the stores of food they had brought on board at Novokribirsk. Pleasantly sated and warm with the knowledge that they were at last headed home, they fell into a happy camaraderie, none of them hesitating to join in as Brum led them in song. It felt like a celebration—and one rightfully earned, for had they not accomplished exactly what they had set out to do? Three fewer Grisha roamed the world, corrupting it with their evil, and soon enough they would meet with Fjerdan justice, swift and merciless.

It was a moment to rejoice.

And yet Matthias sensed his heart was not truly with his brothers, for even as he sang along with them, the verses that should have been rousing his blood—steeped in tales of sacrifice and victory and honor—merely rang empty in his ears. Once or twice he thought he caught Brum looking at him, those dark brows narrowed in partial dismay, and Matthias did his best to feign enthusiasm, if only until it seemed like no one was watching.

Surrounded by his fellow drüskelle, buoyed by the success of their mission, his thoughts should have been with them and with the brighter future they were helping to create.

Instead, he was thinking about her, the Ravkan witch.

It was ridiculous; he should have no more been thinking of her than of a pebble in his boot or a weed slowly choking up a garden. She meant nothing to him, and she was undoubtedly responsible for the deaths of Fjerdans, perhaps even his brothers, for in this war no Ravkan—and certainly no Grisha—could truly call themselves innocent.

She was not without spirit, that at least he could acknowledge. It had taken three fully-trained warriors to subdue her, and Rolf already had the makings of an impressive black eye. Even in chains, shorn of her powers, she hadn't hesitated in challenging him, her pale cheeks reddening with fury. Women did not talk to Matthias that way; he was a drüskelle, so almost no one did. He wondered how she would fare once they reached the Ice Court. Would she be silent at last, cowed by the realization that there would be no escape from the consequences of her crimes?

A tiny part of him hoped not.

He didn't know if all drüsje were as willful and wild as she was. For all his time hunting them, this was the first one he had actually spoken with. Brum had warned them, of course, told them not to be taken in by a pretty face or a charming smile. But this one did not seem blessed by an over-abundance of charm; more than anything she resembled a feral animal, hissing and clawing after being backed into a corner. In such cases, a calm hand was almost all that was required.

He glanced down at the crude wooden table that held the remains of their feast: among the empty plates and platters lay a piece of bread, golden brown from the heat of the oven. Even with his full stomach, it looked delicious. It would look even better to someone who hadn't eaten in nearly a day.

With a furtive look at his companions to make sure no one was paying him any mind, he reached for the bread and then stuffed it into the pocket of his coat. He waited for the final verse of the song and then pushed back from the table, doing his best to look like a man in dire need of the privy.

But even as Matthias reached the door that would take him down into the hold, he still was not entirely sure what he was doing. She was still a witch, and he was still a drüskelle; no doubt his kindness would be taken as an insult, or perhaps even mistaken for weakness.

And yet he could not stop his feet from moving, compelled by some strange impulse to keep taking step after step, down to where she stood captive in the dark.

[send me a one-word Helnik prompt]