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historicallyaccuratecheese · 2 months

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I’ve now gotten halfway through Season 2 of The Magnus Archives, so as per usual, here is my fifth post detailing my thoughts, analysis and theories on every episode, this time with a focus on Episodes 51-60!

Sorry that this one’s taken longer than usual to write, unfortunately I’ve had a few things clashing with the time I spend to listen to tma and write these recently, but hopefully I’ll be able to get back on track soon enough! Also…I’m gonna be real with you, these are just getting longer and longer as I descend down the rabbit hole, so I once again urge you to take your time reading this if you’re at all interested.

As always, please don’t spoil any future episodes for me, and if you haven’t gotten this far in tma then…here’s your spoiler warning for everything up until Episode 60! And finally, I recommend you read my previous posts of this nature, as I will be referencing my thoughts and theories from those in here. There’s a link to the masterpost containing all of them right above the cut!

Anyways, hope you enjoy! :)

- Episode 51, High Pressure 🤿

Statement of Antonia Hayley, regarding a deep dive that took place near Sable Island, Nova Scotia in August 2006.

On tonight’s episode of ✨the connections✨, we bring you back to a jolly old rich dude who throws people into the void! So um…yeah, this one definitely brought back some interesting plot points. In all honesty, I have very little to say about my thoughts on the statement outside of some theories, as while the episode was really good, it’s also a pretty simple one to understand. So, I’ll just run through a few rapid-fire thoughts on the episode, and then get into a few of the meatier topics. Firstly, it’s always nice to have a statement outside of The UK, that definitely does a good job when it comes to the world building, and shows that ✨the horrors✨ really are all around us, so I like that. This statement also gets bonus points for doing another great job at scaring me. I’m not especially thalassophobic, but the descriptions of the empty water devoid of life, and the way the darker waters creeped up into the surface levels…I don’t know, it just got to me. I also found it interesting how we never learn what company Ms. Haley worked for, and how Captain Kemp seemed to have some greater awareness of what happened here, although I can’t really speculate on what all of this means outside of that I think it’s important. And…yeah, those are my thoughts on the standalone elements of this episode! It was really good, don’t get me wrong…I just don’t have a whole lot to say about it. But thankfully, this episode does bring up a good few interesting connections, and managed to further develop the story in some really interesting ways, and I have much more to say about that. The first thing I have to talk about is, of course, The Fairchild Family.

Admittedly, if it wasn’t for Episode 46 reminding me of Episode 21, I might have just forgotten about this plot point, so it’s honestly very nice to see it getting some further development. Looking back at Episode 21, we see that Simon Fairchild was an old man who went skydiving with Robert Kelly, due to a charity raised for his deceased wife, and he was also accompanied by a relative of his named Harriet Fairchild, who was his instructor. Before he dived, he yelled “enjoy sky blue” at Robert, seemingly explaining why he fell into that endless sky, and later got “eaten” by it. Here, we learn that The Fairchilds are a wealthy family located in Cornwall, who invest in aerospace technology, shipping logistics, and underwater drilling and construction. It’s also implied that Simon Fairchild was a con artist in the 1930s who owned many pieces of jewelry, and that he was thrown out of a fourth floor window, yet no one noticed. The cases that would later contain this jewelry would start to mysteriously crack, as if something had been dropped on them. Jon states that Simon Fairchild was an alias of the con artist, meaning that if the con artist is the same person, the entire Fairchild family might be under a fake surname. And finally, Simon is most likely responsible for what happened in this episode. And…that’s about all we know on The Fairchilds for now, although I must say that I have quite a few things to say about them, particularly Simon. So, I said in my last post that I think there’s a connection between The Fairchilds and Mike Crew, as they both seem to connect to and/or directly serve something known as “Vertigo” or (more fittingly in my opinion) “The Vast”. I still stand by this, and I think Simon, and potentially other Fairchilds, can throw people into wide open voids, taking the form of endless skies and dark waters. However, here lies something interesting. Initially, I thought that The Vast only encompassed the sky, given everything that had been seen up until this point, but now I think it just encompasses all horror relating to wide open spaces that just have…a whole lot of nothing in them. Because here, we see that Simon’s abilities manifest in the ocean rather than the sky, and The Fairchilds seem to invest in all sorts of…wide space-like business ventures. I personally think that he shouted something like “Enjoy ocean blue” after Antonia, and that’s what caused her to experience the dark waters. As for where he got these powers, I don’t really know, but because Mike’s weird sky related experiences seem to be responsible for…whatever weird shit has happened to him, I have to wonder if Simon’s defenestration back in the 30s did something to him as well, maybe whoever pushed him out the window was also kind of a weirdo. But mentioning him being alive in the 30s…this guy’s age is a little weird. Like, my grandpa was born in the 30s, and while still pretty healthy, is nowhere near as mobile and adventurous as this guy who was at the very least a late teen in the 30s, presuming that the con artist is the same person as this Simon (which does make me wonder what his REAL name could be…). All I’m saying is that this guy must have some INSANE stamina going on, especially if he really is coming up on a century here. So yeah, I think the powers Simon had are pretty interesting, and that the information I think it seems to provide on “The Vast” is also pretty cool. There are a couple of other things about The Fairchilds I find interesting. Firstly, I will say that it’s strange this is now the third instance of an extensive family with paranormal ties, alongside The Keays and The Lukases. I don’t know if they’re directly linked, but it makes me think that if one person in the family has a paranormal experience…it’s effects might carry over to the rest. Like, maybe Albrecht von Closen’s encounter in The Schwartzwald still haunts The Keays to this day (even though the two we know of are at least…somewhat dead.) I just wonder where exactly the weird stuff with these families starts, and where it ends.

The Fairchilds also have this weird association with riches, which like yeah, it makes sense because they’re rich, but I find it kind of peculiar as a recurring motif. Like, Simon was skydiving for a charity that directly funded the family, he wanted to uncover the riches of his great-grandfather’s shipwreck, and he was at one point a jewelry con-artist. I don’t know if this actually means anything but I just found it kind of interesting. Finally, I kind of want to talk about the dark water. The way it was described, especially with the “hand” reaching out…it really reminded me of Lost Johns’ Cave. Like, a lot. It’s interesting, because I associate that episode with ✨the horrors✨ that connect to compression and/or darkness, the former of which is…pretty much the opposite of The Vast, so these potential similarities are kind of weird to me, but still definitely interesting. Kind of makes me wonder if the events here were like…maybe a collaborative effort between The Fairchilds and The People’s Church of The Divine Host, although that might be a bit of a stretch for the time being. So uh…yeah! There’s my thoughts on The Fairchilds I guess! I really hope to learn more about this weird-ass rich family as time goes on, as I think the whole vibe that surrounds them is great, I’m a sucker for when relatively unassuming old people turn out to be pretty cunning and fucked up in reality, so I’d love to see Simon and other Fairchilds pop up again in the future. And while I do wish I had more to say about the core plot of the statement, I must reiterate that I thought it was good. Like I said, it did a good job at scaring me, so I’d consider that a win. But honestly, as fun as all of this is…I don’t think it quite competes with the supplemental, because WOW. This one is easily my favorite so far.

Let me start by saying what I’ve been saying the entire season. Jon. You need to get your shit together. Like OH MY GOD. I KNOW that he’s technically suspicious of…”Sasha”, but even then! Why is it that he stalks Tim outside of his house, sees Martin’s crush on him as threatening, and moves Elias to the top of his suspect list simply because he said “dude, stop stalking your coworkers”, but then SASHA, the lady who stares at the table you acknowledge is creepy, goes to a wax museum for prolonged periods of time every day, and who despite the abilities of the impersonator is still CLEARLY acting differently than how she did before the funky worm lady showed up, and she *somehow* lost a few tapes, is apparently still the least suspicious? What the hell are you on? Are you stealing from Elias’ secret drawer of the good shit or something? Honestly it kind of feels like Not!Sasha isn’t even trying to hide her identity, but that’s just because she has no reason to since Jon is just THAT. FREAKING. DENSE. Ffs you are an ARCHIVIST. You work at an INSTITUTE. You are INSUFFERABLE. But like, on that note, can I just compliment Jonny Sims for making a protagonist that is such an insufferable loser…and yet I still love him dearly? Like, not just ironically, I’m genuinely invested in him and still really like his character despite how insane and stupid he can be. That takes some serious writing talent. But anyways…back to the supplemental. Firstly, Jon mentions that a few new artifacts have been admitted to the storage room, namely a wardrobe that light can not penetrate, an eye carved out of rock that interferes with video cameras, and a scalpel permanently covered in disease. I get the feeling that all of these are likely to show up in future statements, with the eye being the most curious to me personally. I feel like there’s probably a connection to Gerard Keay there, but the way it makes this video cameras malfunction is very reminiscent of how the computers can’t upload any real statements. But while that’s all pretty interesting, the real highlight to me is the recording of him and Not!Sasha.

Firstly, I just need to give some serious props to Eve Hewitt for her voice acting. You can tell that Not!Sasha has become more accustomed to her new identity over time, but it’s still just so…perfectly off, and I still love the faint audio distortion in the back of her scenes. Secondly…FUCK YEAH THE FRACTALS! I FEEL SO VALIDATED. For a while now I’ve held the belief that Micheal connects to fractals, which I still think is very likely, but I also found it interesting how the patterns on the table were described in a way very similar to the fractals, so I felt like there might be some connection. …I still don’t quite know what that connection might be but PROGRESS. Now, Not!Sasha suggests it’s more like a web that has caught them, but firstly, Not!Sasha is a lying little asshole, and secondly, I think she only says that due to her personal relationship with the table. You see, ever since the end of Season 1, I figured that the table was used to transport the impersonators, but Not!Sasha’s dialogue here makes it seem like more of a prison, one that the impersonator does not want to be tethered to. Now, I’ve always assumed that impersonators are a species, and I still do given the existence of the anatomy students (which aren’t exactly the same but they’re still just too similar to ignore), but now I think that one specific impersonator was tethered to the table, and it must go wherever the table goes. This probably means that Not!Graham and Not!Sasha are actually the exact same being, and “Graham Folger” is likely to have just…vanished. Alternatively there could be still be multiple impersonators here, who get released from the table after they successfully impersonate someone, but no matter what the truth is, I just find it so interesting, as it’s really our first true look at Not!Sasha’s thoughts that come from the real entity, not the person it’s pretending to be. But like, this just makes me think about the table itself even more. Like, whether the pattern is a web or a fractal, I think the fact that it’s imprisoning another paranormal being is very interesting. If it’s a fractal, then it connects back to Micheal, someone who recognizes Not!Sasha’s true identity, and while still undeniably a messed up being given what he did to Helen Richardson, has ultimately been pretty helpful to The Institute, outside of when he stabbed Jon of course. But if it’s a web, then a web makes me think of spiders, which not only ties back to the spiders in the box that I strongly believe to be the missing piece of the table (which also had an APPLE inside! Anatomy Class!), but also ties back to the spiders killing worms in the tunnels, showing at least some level of disdain for other aspects of ✨the horrors✨. I personally lean towards the pattern being a fractal, but either option is very interesting, and I’m really starting to wonder what this table even is. Lastly, we have the interesting reveal of Not!Sasha spending time at…Madame Tussaud’s Wax Museum…of all places. Ok….I mean you do not actually you I guess. I’m sure there will be some genuine relevance to the plot from this information at some point, but for now, I think I can only extrapolate small things from it. Personally, I think that..at least one of the reasons she’s going here is in order to study how to become human, which is once again very reminiscent of Anatomy Class. Which like…I get the motivation, but if you want to learn how to become more human, go take an anthropology class or something. Madame Tussaud’s is definitely good in terms of wax museums but like…wax figures are still inherently uncanny and not all that natural so…you should really find better ways of educating yourself Not!Sasha. (Honestly though, as much as I drag her for killing my beloved OG Sasha, I have developed quite a fondness for Not!Sasha. Like, she’s still very unnerving, but it’s just kind of funny to have her be that new weird coworker in the office. Like, she is living someone else’s best life.) …I got off topic. Anyways, all in all a good episode with a really interesting supplemental.

Supplemental: Micheal…come back…I miss yoooouuuuuuu…

- Episode 52, Exceptional Risk 🚰

Statement of Phillip Brown, regarding a time working at HMP Wakefield between 1990 and 2002.

Yes. YES. YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES YES FUCK YEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSS. I’M SO GENUINELY HAPPY THAT THIS IS AN EPISODE THAT EXISTS! I haven’t really mentioned this before, since my thoughts on the first 20 episodes were extremely brief (looking back at that post now is an experience btw), but I absolutely ADORE A Father’s Love. It’s such a tragic and interesting episode that I have not stopped thinking about ever since I first listened to it, not my all time favorite, but it is up there. So the fact it basically got a sequel makes me extremely happy, and while I don’t like this episode quite as much as A Father’s Love, I still think it’s really, REALLT good in its own right. Truth be told, this episode doesn’t reveal a ton of new information in summary, as we already knew that Robert Montauk died in prison, and it was likely due to The People’s Church of The Divine Host, but just being able to get a more vivid look at what happened really does add a lot in my opinion. So uh…yeah, let’s start this off by talking about the episode’s protagonist, Philip Brown. And let me just say, this guy is absolutely the gold medalist for most dickheaded statement giver in the entire series so far. Congratulations, I guess. Once again, I actually like when we get morally questionable statement givers, but maaaaannn. I just wanted to see this man suffer. Not only because I had sympathy for Robert given my prior knowledge of his past, but also because they REALLY portrayed the cruelty of many prison guards extremely well. Honestly kind of a shame that he didn’t suffer more. And you know, while his experience was certainly paranormal, I got the vibe that he was only submitting a statement out of pettiness rather than genuine fear, but that’s just another example of great storytelling. Overall glad his wife left him, but he was certainly an interesting protagonist. Anyways, I also wanted to talk more about Robert because..uuuuuaaaagghhh…his story makes me so sad :(. I actually really liked the way they portrayed him here, because it’s so real. Philip talks about his hulking size, how he broke the arm of another prisoner and was put in the exceptional risk unit due to his insane danger, as you’d expect from a prison guard who only knows him as one of the country’s most notorious and threatening serial killers. But when you look back at A Father’s Love, and how his daughter Julia talked about him…she just described him as her dad, because that’s who she knew him as. She obviously understood that he was a serial killer who did terrible things, but she still focused on the more tragic aspects of his story, and it provides such a nice contrast to that episode and this one, really showing how complicated everyone’s world views are. It’s just another great example of how good the storytelling here really is. But back to Robert…wow, it really is just so unfortunate what happened. To have this man do everything to attempt to save the lives of both his daughter and himself (presumably after his wife abandoned him, which admittedly I do wish was touched upon a bit more here), only to find that it was all for naught is just absolutely gut-wrenching. We already knew The People’s Church of The Divine Host were involved in his death but…just hearing about it from someone who (kind of, because it was dark) witnessed it directly makes it all the more depressing. Really, the only small bit of relief I got here was the part about him and Julia reuniting, but even then that was still really sad given how he felt he had to lie. But now I think I ought to discuss the most interesting elements of this episode. Truth be told, while this episode is very overtly connected to others in obvious ways, it didn’t reveal all that much new stuff. But, that being said, I still think there was a couple of interesting things here, those being Maxwell Rayner’s first true appearance, and the return of the darkness.

Truth be told, at this point in time there’s like…no information on Maxwell Rayner. All we know is that he was a defrocked Pentecostal minister, who according to Julia Montauk, might possibly be German. This would line up pretty well, as he is presumably a descendant of the World War 1 solider Joseph Rayner, whose body was found next to Wilfred Owen’s in Episode 7. Obviously he was the “detective” on the phone in Episode 9, and he founded The People’s Church of The Divine Host. Also, I completely forgot about this, but Rayner apparently disappeared in 1994, and the church disbanded around the same time. This is really strange though, because all of the episodes that definitely focus on the church have taken place after 1994, so I think it’s safe to assume that the disbandment was just a cover-up of sorts. Anyways, with all that in mind, what does this episode tell us about him? Well, not much really. All we know now is that he definitely still held resentment for Robert, and that he seemingly orchestrated his death, and really…everything weird in Episode 9 firsthand. However, I still think his presence here is important, simply due to his one line of dialogue. That being “You didn’t think you could kill it for long, did you?” This is…honestly pretty interesting. I assume that the “it” Rayner refers to is meant to be the darkness that The People’s Church of The Divine Host serves, all because of the context. You see, I initially assumed Robert was sacrificing people to appease the darkness; the more people he killed, the less the darkness would come for him and Julia. But based on this line of dialogue, I now think that he was trying to actively fight back against the darkness. I think this adds up quite nicely, because looking back, at least one of the people Robert Montauk killed was a member of the church, so it doesn’t seem too far fetched to assume that EVERYONE he killed was a part of the church as well. I think he was killing them, not to appease the darkness, but to drive it away. And that’s why Rayner looked at him with such hatred, why the darkness killed him so brutally. Robert Montauk wasn’t just a failure to the church, he was a traitor. But…mentioning his death, I actually want to discuss the darkness itself, as this episode gave a very new and interesting look into how it works. Now, the gross water and malfunctioning lights is all stuff we’ve seen before, as is the mention of things that are just kind of…wet and gross, but this episode provides a new aspect of the darkness, that being something really…animalistic. Like, we have tearing coming from the cell, Robert being dead from an excessive amount of stab wounds of all things, and then most notably, the darkness growling. I don’t know what exactly to make of this yet, but I just find it really interesting. I initially viewed the darkness as some sort of weird, mysterious force, but now I’m starting to see it more like a traditional monster, and…I don’t know, it’s causing gears to turn in my head. In conclusion, while this statement didn’t offer as much new things as some others…I’m - I’m just way to invested in this family drama to even care, and I’m so happy it wasn’t just a one-off thing. So…yeah. Great episode.

But of course, there’s the supplemental….s to discuss. Yeah, there was kind of two supplementals in this episode, I mean not really, but I don’t know where else to put the interaction with Basira so…uh…here you go! Now, the actual supplemental doesn’t grant much new information. I think it’s safe to assume that Not!Sasha is lying about her boyfriend, but it’s at the very least nice to see Jon genuinely just…not trusting her right now. (Also the phrase “produce said boyfriend” now lives rent free in my head.) But thankfully, even though the supplemental is short, we have a mid-statement interaction with Basira! Super happy to see that she’s a recurring character, and that she’s brought a new tape with her! I’m interested by the prospect about a statement on The Library of Alexandria of all things, that’s always been a very interesting historical conundrum to me so I’d love to see how tma tackles it. But as nice of a reveal as that is, it pales, nay, it SQUEALS in comparison to the reveal that TIM. IS CANONICALLY. THE HOT ONE. FUCK. YES. I mean, it was already pretty obvious, the man has managed to seduce at least two cops of different genders, but I’m so happy that we know he’s just like…objectively hot. Whatever you’re most attracted to, that’s what Tim looks like. (Unless you’re not attracted to men, or anyone, but you get the point. Also the fact that Basira says he pulls off the worm scars while Jon doesn’t like C’MON YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO HIM LIKE THAT.) I also need to appreciate the fact that the first assistant Jon thinks of is Martin. …We’ve come so far from the days of Episode 1 where he straight up didn’t consider him one…and this is the first tangible sign of Jon maybe reciprocating his feelings so I’m very happy about this. And of course, how can I neglect to mention that Jon and Basira are just going to keep Tim’s assumptions afloat to avoid suspicion. Like, considering that this is one of the most horrific pieces of media I’ve every engaged with, I must say it’s kind of insane how funny it can be at times. (Also, they might have been implying “I’m not interested” in their interaction, but I’m just going to assume that Jon and Basira were saying “I’m not straight” because shut up I can dream.) So yeah…you guys weren’t entirely kidding when you said The Magnus Archives is a workplace comedy.

Supplemental: I’m thinking about the tunnels…we haven’t heard about them for a while. Also, is Jon just not going to tell anyone about Micheal? Like, I know you value discretion, but that seems kind of important, no? I mean, he did kidnap a woman twice and then stab you so….uh….what’s going on man?

- Episode 53, Crusader 📜

Sergeant Walter Heller recording, regarding a discovery made near Alexandria during Operation Crusader in November of 1941.

Oh my god oh my god oh my god oh my god. Yes yes yes yes yes yes yes YES! THE BRAINWORMS ARE GOING WILD!!! Look, I already expected this episode to give some very interesting information just because of the fact it’s another Gertrude tape, but WOW. This one did a LOT. It seems fairly isolated from others on the surface, but there’s so many little connections to other episodes that make my brain go absolutely wild. There’s…quite a bit to unpack here, but I’ll do my best to cover everything that shows up in this episode, and also my theories about what it might all mean. So, I’ll start by discussing….let’s say, the core plot of the statement.

So, not only is this another recording done by Gertrude, but it doubles as a statement recorded live from subject. And I’ve got to say, Walter Heller was a great protagonist, particularly due to his VA. I will admit that I initially found him hard to hear, but that’s ultimately kind of a me problem, and it doesn’t matter because by the time I finished the episode, I thought that Harvey Kesselman did a FANTASTIC job as him. The voice acting in tma has always been of fantastic quality, but this one might just be the most real and visceral yet. He really portrayed the role of a war veteran with implied PTSD fantastic, and made it so easy to sympathize with a character in just one episode, which given Walter’s fate, is unfortunately probably the only episode he’ll ever be in. But honestly, his story was just really sad, even if the WW2 aspect of the statement isn’t the main focus, the description of that battle in the desert, him getting shot in the leg and watching his comrade die in a fiery blaze…it’s just really heartbreaking and shockingly real. I honestly kind of like how the first part of the episode wasn’t really paranormal, just a sad look at the horrors of war. It reminded me of Episode 7 in a way, although I don’t really get the feeling they’re connected. (Also between this and Episode 48 I really have to wonder what Italy did to Rusty Quill.) But of course, after the battle, we move on to the plot about The Serapeum of Alexandria. As I mentioned earlier, this is a part of history that I really like, and I think it fits perfectly in tma. But…regarding this plot line, this is where I have to get a little bit speculative. Because truth be told, there’s so many odd similarities to previous statements here, and so many weird new reveals as well that really do befuddle me. So uh..let’s get into that!

So this whole part starts with Walter falling through a wooden door. Already it’s evoking feelings of a previous episode, said episode obviously being The New Door. And not only do the tunnels that Walter ends up in kind of remind me of Micheal’s backrooms, but also give of feelings of many other previous episodes. These episodes include Lost Johns’ Cave, Old Passages, Too Deep and Schwartzwald, the last of which I feel is…particularly relevant for reasons I’ll get into soon. But as Walter goes through the tunnels, he find himself in multiple rooms, filled with scrolls. And as we learn later…these scrolls are here because The Serapeum, or at least what lies beneath it, were a previous iteration of the archives. Specifically the ones in The Magnus Institute. ….WHAT THE FUCK?! WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?! This just raises…so many questions. I mean, the tunnels kind of reminded me of the old library in Schwartzwald, but THE Magnus Archives?! What?! This just raises…so many questions. Like, what was on the scrolls? Were they also statements regarding the paranormal, or something greater. How does Jonah Magnus tie into all of this. Why and how did he replicate these ancient hidden caves when making his institute. If the archives have existed this long, is Jonah even the real founder of The Magnus Institute, or has it just existed for a long time, going under different names? And what exactly makes this specific breed of archive so special? Just…why…how…what…when…where…who…HUH?! I know that my thoughts on this are super incoherent and scrambled but like…I CAN’T HELP IT! THIS IS JUST WAY TOO MUCH! But…regarding what might make this archive and that of The Magnus Institute so special…well, I think it’s safe to say that they are both connected to the same member of ✨the horrors✨. That being the one associated with eyes. …oh dear.

So, as Walter goes through the tunnels, he finds a corpse of a knight, which Gertrude later suspects to be of The Order of St. John, which I will touch in in a bit. All I have to say for now is that this guy was…probably killed by the thing inside here. That thing is likely the long robed figure with spindly fingers and one eye. I will say that the fingers, alongside the door and the passages in general are all very Micheal-core, but I don’t know how connected all of this actually is to him just yet so…I’ll make a small note of that for the time being and just leave it as an odd similarity for now. Anyways, this figure, Micheal-related or not, gives Walter the ability to see perfectly in the dark, but also makes him feel as if he’s being watched. So overall there’s a lot of eye and sight imagery here, which is already an interesting connection to Schwartzwald and The Keay Family, but things get really, REALLY interesting when Walter comes back to this encounter post-statement. Because apparently, he experienced the exact same feeling of being watched when he came to the institute. So, combine that with the fact that the archives in Alexandria are supposedly a previous iteration of those in the institute, and something becomes very clear. Every iteration of of the archives has been fucking haunted. Not just by worms, spiders, Micheal, Not!Sasha and etc, but by one of ✨the horrors✨ in the flesh. (I know three of the things I listed I consider horrors but shut up I’m trying to be dramatic.) And I think that horror is the one associated with eyes. The very same one that is connected to The Keay Family. I already mentioned how this episode reminded me of Schwartzwald with the ancient library thing going on, and the eyes, but think about what Walter said. How he felt like he was being watched back then and felt the same thing when giving his statement. I think that Jonah Magnus might have sought to replicate the archive beneath The Serapeum, and in doing so, made it the new home of the being that once resided there. Maybe that’s the thing that’s inside the tunnels, the thing that Jon feels like is watching him. And when you think about how this thing might connect to The Keay Family, how Gerard can wield its power, not only does it make me think about how The Keays could potentially connect to The Institute (outside of the obvious yet very interesting fact of Jonah being close to Albrecht von Closen), but it also gets me thinking about Pinhole Books, Mary Keay’s bookstore. While not technically an archive, it…still could’ve been something pretty close, right. Maybe she sought to create a home for the eye horror as well. Maybe Jurgen Leitner had a similar goal with his library! (Although granted, a lot of Leitners seem to connect to other horrors so I’m not entirely sure about that one.) It’s just…it’s just a lot to take in. Obviously the institute has had to deal with things like The Flesh Hive and Micheal, but…to think that it might have been home to a horror this entire time is concerning. It gets me thinking about so much. From Jonah Magnus, to the tunnels, to Elias, to just…whatever true purpose this place might hold! There’s so many other things as well though, like how the eye horror has a clear theme of knowledge since it hangs around in ancient archives and libraries, and yet Gerard, who clearly has a connection to it, is going out of his way to BURN. BOOKS. What’s up with that? And like, what if the eye horror ends up being specific to just the archives? Does that mean that other places in the institute like Artifact Storage are more tied to another one of ✨the horrors✨? I just…UUUUUGGGHHH this is so much to take in oh my god. And you want to know what the funny thing is? We’re STILL. NOT. DONE. Because both Gertrude and Jon have follow-ups to give us, and….oh boy.

So, let’s start with Gertrude. I think one of the most peculiar things about her follow-up is that it’s very different from the one she did in Tightrope. There, she was entirely certain of what she was dealing with, seemingly having extensive prior knowledge on The Other Circus. Here though, I mean…she’s still a hell of a lot more sure of things than Jon, but it seems like this was part of an ongoing investigation she was doing, rather than being just another statement for her. Either way, she was clearly taking proactive measures to investigate this case and deal with what it implied…but maybe she was just a little bit TOO proactive. …I’ll get to that in a bit. The second thing of note here is that we learn the entire statement was done off the record, meaning that, on a sentiment shared by Jon, Gertrude did not trust the institute. And honestly, who can really blame her? I’ve already explained why I think the archives are home to some eldritch eye monster, and I get the feeling she knew that as well. Still though, considering she had a lack of faith in the institute for at least 17 years given the time between this recording and her death, I really have to wonder what she did with this mistrust? On top of that, it might add even more to the idea Elias killed her. After all, it would be in character for the head of the institute to do so if she threatened its foundation…although if he did kill her, I still think there might have been a bit more reason to do so. Anyways, it’s just really interesting to know she figured out something was wrong with this place, and I am…very concerned by what that something might be. Anyways, after bringing up some real world history, Gertrude says something…very interesting. And I’m not talking about the accounts that describe people being tortured or sacrificed in worship of pagan deities, even though that’s interesting for admittedly obvious reasons. I’m talking about the part where she says that an unnamed historian claimed that the ones who destroyed The Serapeum were not Christians…but a group known as “Those Who Sing The Night.” And if that doesn’t evoke The People’s Church of The Divine Host, I don’t know what does. Obviously night makes sense as a motif, as does singing, since Natalie did a lot of creepy singing in Episode 25. But on top of that, Walter’s torch went out for mysterious reasons while he was in the caverns, and you know how the church’s symbol is a closed eye? Well, that seems to signify a potential rivalry between the darkness and the eye horrors, which would explain why “Those Who Sing The Night” would destroy The Serapeum, and why Walter was able to see in the supposedly paranormal darkness. The eyes were combating the power of the darkness, since they are the only things that can “see in the dark.” Still though, their potential presence here is interesting for another reason. Maxwell Rayner is old, but not THAT old, so there’s a very real possibility that the church has been reforged time and time again. Rayner isn’t the true founder, just the founder of the church’s modern iteration. Hell, maybe he isn’t actually in charge anymore, since the church supposedly disbanded in 1994, although I still think there’s a possibility that was a cover-up. Gertrude also makes a strange sound after mentioning this group, which signifies familiarity to me. I feel this makes sense, due to the screams coming from Hither Green Chapel on the day she died. Finally, Gertrude suggests that The Order of St. John might have been hunting down ✨the horrors✨, and that maybe the robed figure was a previous archivist. ….If it really is Micheal I’m going to cut out my tongue.

And finally, we have Jon’s supplemental. I’m just going to start out by saying that OH MY GOD MARTIN IS THE SWEETEST MAN ALIVE. He’s so genuinely attentive and caring to Jon it’s just so…UGH! I think everyone just needs someone like him around he’s way too nice. And as always, Jon SERIOUSLY needs to get his shit together. Not only should he take better care of himself, but…come on man, do you seriously think people will believe you stabbed yourself with the bread knife when there are ELDRITCH HORRORS around? (Although I have seen people suggest Martin thought he was self harming, and if that is the case then consider my heart broken.) But anyways, Jon’s existential crisis continues. Look, I’m concerned about Gertrude’s fate as well, I’m concerned about how the archivists might date back to at least…let’s see…One Thousand, Six Hundred and Thirty-Two years ago?! Damn. But…you seriously need a nap Jon. But outside of Jon’s ordeal…we have one last reveal (hey that kind of rhymed). So…apparently, six months after the recording of the statement, an explosion happened near the caves in Alexandria that destroyed several buildings and killed seventeen people. And from the looks of things…that explosion happened because of Gertrude Robinson. …wait what. what. I-I’m sorry. WHAT?! Damn, I guess she really WAS proactive. Look, I’ll be honest and say that I already got the feeling Gertrude wasn’t my just a sweet old grandma. Firstly, her name is the most mean old lady name I’ve ever heard, and secondly, she’s appeared in multiple statements, seemingly having pissed off at least two different cults. But like…did she really have to go that far?! I know that there’s some horrific shit going on in there, but like, a guy find the remains of THE LIBRARY OF FREAKING ALEXANDRIA, and she just BLOWS IT UP? Like, as time goes on, it’s become much more clear that Gertrude wasn’t a bad archivist, she clearly took her job…maybe a bit TOO seriously, and I definitely think her poor organization of statements was done on purpose, either to get her successor to read the ones that were important, or to fuck with the institute she so clearly mistrusted. But…can I really call her a good academic when she decided to destroy knowledge THAT valuable. Shame on you, you beautiful anarchist of a senior citizen. Also, I cannot get over the fact that she was SO eager to get rid of something that, for all we know, might also have a home in the institute, that she travelled all the way from London to Alexandria, and KILLED 17 PEOPLE. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST. I…desperately need to know more about her, if I don’t know everything she’s capable of I will start fearing for my safety. Jon WISHES he could be her. And you know what, if Elias did kill her…I can totally see why! He might have not just been protecting himself, the institute and those close to him, he could’ve very well been protecting THE ENTIRE WORLD. Hell, it doesn’t matter who killed her (ok I mean it still does but like you get what I mean), because that sentiment remains true for EVERYONE. Is…is she the true threat of the series? Should I somehow be more concerned. …I don’t even know at this point. Anyways…great episode, loved the protagonist, the implications are amazing, Martin is the purest man to ever grace god’s green abominable earth…but I really need to take a second and contemplate. I’m afraid there might be a Gertrude under my bed…

- Episode 54, Still Life 🐅

Statement of Alexander Scaplehorn, regarding his evaluation of The Trophy Room taxidermists in Barnet.

ANGLERFIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISH!!!! THE PLOT THICKENS YET AGAIN! So, after having to recoil from last episode, you know, what with the eye horrors and the old archives and Gertrude killing people, etc etc, it was nice to have a shorter episode here. That being said, WOW did this one give me some things to think about. Just…the amount of connections that are showing up…this podcast, especially this season, has never ceased to surprise me with what it’s capable of. The protagonist, atmosphere and pacing already made this a great episode on its own, and the callbacks to the earliest season 1 episodes made it even better. So, let’s just get into it! (Oh and, this isn’t really relevant but I might as well put it here. …TAX collector. TAXidermy. Ha ha ha. Ha ha. Ha ha. Ha. Comedy.)

So, I’ll start off with some of the basic things. Firstly, I have to mention that I really, REALLY enjoyed Alexander Scaplehorn as a protagonist. Like, we STAN a king who simply does his job and otherwise minds his own business. Literally went through the horrors and then just went back to living as normal, what a champion. Honestly, this is probably the most sympathetic portrayal of a tax collector I’ve ever witnessed in a piece of media, and I’m surprisingly not upset about that. Also, some other people have pointed this out, but I think it needs to be said just in case. This man is excited to infodump on some guy he just met about taxes, is fine doing so as long as he’s attentive, immediately notices how uncomfortable the atmosphere is, struggles making conversation, is simply trying to get through his day without trouble…and then goes on to say he has a cousin with autism. I think someone needs to tell him something about himself…and that’s all I’m going to say. (Also jsyk this is coming from an autistic person who experiences all of this, so I’m not trying to make stereotypical assumptions or anything.) …Anyways, outside of the second most legendary protagonist after Joshua Gillespie, I’ve gotta say that I really liked the whole atmosphere of this episode. Taxidermy, while admittedly kind of freaky, is something that I’ve always been a little bit drawn to ever since I learned about it just due to the vibes alone (unless it’s of a cat, if it’s of a cat I cry), so I really liked the whole vibe of an old taxidermy shop. And like…I get why some might be freaked out by it, but I’d be lying if I said the idea of someone owning some of the world’s oldest skin didn’t kind of entice me, that’s just a pretty cool thing to own. One other small note I have, although it’s not from the statement, was Jon’s line here. “I may not entirely trust my assistants, but…I won’t lose them.” …. :(. Anyways…moving on to ✨the connections✨…(who’s going to tell him…)

Ok, so, the first obvious connection to a previous episode comes from when Alexander first enters The Trophy Room. (which by the way, is apparently the name of a real world taxidermy shop, but only in the US.) Here, Alex sees a stuffed tiger in the window with glassy eyes. As soon as I heard this, I immediately thought back to Tightrope, where this same tiger made an appearance. Not only does this connect the episode’s plot to The Other Circus, which I’ll get more into later, but from both episodes, we can tell that this tiger isn’t exactly….real (although the skin might still be), but it’s definitely capable of “coming to life.” Definitely seems like this applies to the other taxidermies as well, and based on Tightrope, as well as other parts of this episode, I really do think that The Other Circus is Daniel’s supplier for the taxidermy, or at least part of the circus. And speaking of which, we have Daniel Rawlings. Now, much like Sarah Baldwin from Skintight, Daniel Rawlings was mentioned in Episode 1 as one of the people taken by The Anglerfish, and he too seems to now be an avid smoker with a connection to the monster. Along with this, both of them have a very apparent connection to skin which is…interesting. And obviously, The Anglerfish itself is here as well, hooray!(?) Not too much to say about its appearance here, other than that Alex was probably smart to have not went down to the basement in the end, and that I found it interesting how it was repeating a different phrase than what it did in the first episode. I think it’s fair to assume that The Anglerfish changes the phrase it uses to lure people depending on its location. It asks for a cigarette while in the alleyway, and acts as a shop clerk while in The Trophy Room. I think that’s why Alex says it was almost mechanical in its speech, because the things it says are like auto-generated phrases made for specific circumstances. And the final overt connection to previous episodes was the return of everyone’s favorite delivery…somethings, Breekon and Hope. I’m honestly kind of surprised by how frequently they show up, but I’m not complaining. I was also reminded by the last episode with how all of the taxidermies looked at Alex, but I’m not sure if that genuinely means anything or not, especially since the eyes were all glassy, signifying a lack of pupils to properly look at someone with. So, that’s a basic assortment of recurring characters and concepts, but with all of that in mind, how does everything connect?

Let’s start off with Breekon and Hope, as well as The Other Circus. These two already have a very apparent connection, as Breekon and Hope were seen as members of the circus in Tightrope. Now, when I gave my thoughts on that episode, I suggested that these two left The Other Circus and started their own business, and while I still think that’s the case, I think that they might have less of an antagonistic relationship than I initially thought. Granted, it’s possible they stole The Other Circus’ taxidermies, and they’re giving them to Daniel in order to keep them hidden, but I kind of think that, while now separate, their delivery company is still on good terms with The Circus, or maybe a straight up offshoot of The Circus, and that’s because of…motivations. You see, the more I think about it, I realize that Sarah and Daniel seem to spread fear in a very similar way to that of the circus. You see, Sarah and Daniel never hurt the protagonists of the story, they just…unnerved them. Sarah pulled her skin off in front of Melanie King, and Daniel made the taxidermy move in front of Alex, but they never really tried to kill them. Daniel…might have been trying to, but given how neither he nor Breekon and Hope bothered to give chase, I don’t really think he was that dead-set on murder. And then take a look at The Other Circus. Now yes, Leanne Denikin’s ex-boyfriend died because of the calliope, but granted, no actual member of the circus played it themselves in that scenario, and when Nikolai Denikin, an actual member, did, no one was seen dead. And yes, Yuri Utkin’s brother Ivan did die at one point, but there’s no real evidence that his death was caused by The Other Circus. When we look at what the circus actually did…they just scared people, nothing more. So you have these two groups with very similar methods of scaring people, and…I don’t know, it makes me think that The Other Circus and servants of The Anglerfish might be chill with each other, and that might in turn mean that Breekon and Hope maintain some form of a positive relationship with the circus, even if they aren’t direct members anymore. But…that all gets me thinking even more. You see, on my list of ✨the horrors✨ I cited two of them as “The Anglerfish” and “Whatever The Other Circus serves”. But now I’m wondering…what if The Other Circus serves The Anglerfish? They have this apparent connection now so…maybe. I still need quite a bit more time to wrap my head around this idea, but like think about it for a second. The Anglerfish HAS servants, and The Other Circus acts in a similar way to how they do, functioning with things like fake audiences, dolls and taxidermies…it just feels like it connects in some sort of way. But then again, as time goes on, it kind of feels like The Anglerfish is struggling to live up to levels of eldritch that the other members of ✨the horrrors✨ are, so what if it isn’t a horror at all, and something a bit lesser? WHAT IF- Ok. Ok I’m getting a little bit incoherent with my thought process now. Look, the cut and dry is that I definitely think The Other Circus, Breekon and Hope, and The Anglerfish and it’s servants have some sort of connection, due to them all playing into this episode, and the fact that they all have similar themes, and that they’ll all end up coming together at some point or another. This statement is really good and a lot of fun on its own, but…it certainly has given me a lot to think about, even if it’s not in the most coherent way. But of course, I can’t just stop here. Because we have a follow-up and a supplemental to get through and…well, it’s…certainly pretty interesting…

So, I already mentioned that…absolutely gut-wrenching line from Jon, but that’s obviously not everything there is to talk about here. Firstly, Jon mentions that The Trophy Room is still in operation. There isn’t all that much to say about this, other than that it’s…concerning to know that whatever weird operation this trifecta of factions seems to be a part of is still continuing. But that aside, what really gets me here is the involvement of our beloved little freak, Not!Sasha. Now, I think it’s safe to say that she’s obviously lying about how there wasn’t anything all that strange there (which Jon should REALLY catch onto soon), but as unnerving as that is, it’s also pretty in character and expected of her. What’s a bit more intriguing here though is how…eager she was to investigate. The most simple reason I can think of as to why she wanted to go check the place out was that she clearly likes wax museums, and…taxidermy stores certainly have a similar vibe. But I think there’s a bit more of a reason as to why she went to The Trophy Room…and that lies in what Jon tells us about Daniel Rawlings. You see, outside of the identical hair, the Daniel who owns The Trophy Room looks nothing like the one who went missing in 2006. Couple that with the fact that Daniel is strongly implied to be a taxidermy himself, so you know, not a real person, and I start to get thinking. What if The Anglerfish skins it’s victims, and puts them on top of non-human beings that then start pretending to be those people? What if the real Daniel Rawlings, and the real Sarah Baldwin are dead? What if “Sarah” peeling off her skin was a way of showing Melanie King her true form? What if they are somehow aligned with the anatomy students? What if these non-humans are extremely similar to the impersonator, but need a higher being to give them identies, rather than just taking one themselves? What if Not!Sasha is a direct servant of The Anglerfish, who seeks to bring harm to the institute? …I know I’m making some big claims here, but…I just feel like I might have uncovered a big mystery. I’ve thrown out the possibility of The Anglerfish maybe not being one of ✨the horrors✨, but in all honesty…I still think it is. I’m starting to wonder if maybe just maybe, all of these characters, Sarah Baldwin, Daniel Rawlings, Breekon and Hope, Not!Graham/Not!Sasha, the anatomy students, The Other Circus, and maybe even more, are all servants of The Anglerfish. All of them faceless monsters who are given new identities by their god, and seek to do its bidding by unnerving as many people as possible? At this point, I’ve basically just devolved into crack fan fiction, but I have to be honest when I say that, while I’m certain I’m far off from the truth in some aspects…I feel like I might be on to something here. In short, I think that Episode 1 is much more important than I initially thought, and that a lot, and I mean A LOT of things are going to connect back to the very first spook. …As scared as I am by Episode 53 introducing the prospect of one of ✨the horrors✨having been in the archives this entire time…I’ve gotta say…Not!Sasha is giving it some close competition. But with all of that out of the way…um, what about the supplemental?

“Supplemental: I broke into Gertrude’s flat.” OH MY GOD. That has…no right being as funny as it is. I would say “I’m afraid Jon’s hit rock bottom”, but there’s still 26 episodes left of the season, and 146 left of the entire series, so I get the feeling that his downward mental spiral is only just beginning! Yay…I-I think? Well, outside of Jon’s 16th felony of the month, what did he actually find in here. Well, not much, as from the looks of things Gertrude was a minimalist, but there were a few things worth noting. Firstly, we now know that she owned a laptop charger, meaning she…well, she obviously was in possession of a laptop at one point of another. This is intriguing if only for the fact that I feel like the series might be heading in a direction where Jon’s going to have to break into her laptop, kind of like that one part of Gravity Falls if…anyone who’s reading that has watched it. (And if you haven’t, go do that it’s really good.) Secondly, Gertrude threw away books after reading them. Since most of her books were apparently on history, I wonder if she was secretly studying ways to get rid of ✨the horrors✨, and decided to get rid of the books in an attempt to cover her tracks. And finally…the few books she did own had eyes cut out of the faces on the covers. Given what might be lurking in the archives I can’t entirely blame her…but it does make me wonder if much like Jon…she was suffering from her own paranoia. Hm. Well, that about wraps it up. Overall this episode was thoroughly enjoyable but…man, my brain has been absolutely frazzled. I’ll probably take a break tomorrow just to process everything, as there’s so many other rabbit holes I could go down if I wanted to but…I just don’t have the energy. Gertrude, the eyes, The Keay Family, Micheal, Not!Sasha, The Anglerfish, The Other Circus, Breekon and Hope, Jon, Elias….it’s all running through my head, and I need a break.

Supplemental: Ok, there are a couple of other things I should mention briefly. Firstly, I cited Breekon and Hope as servants of The Anglerfish who unnerve people…even though they don’t do it nearly as much as others. There is an explanation for this though, that being that while I think they’re still on good terms with The Other Circus, they’re still somewhat disconnected nowadays, and if the circus does honor The Anglerfish, they might not be AS devout to it as others. Even so, they DID deliver the table to the institute, so I think they still serve it in one way or another. Another thing I wanted to mention was Martin, specifically that note about him lying. I haven’t brought much attention to it since the initial reveal, but someone in the YouTube comments mentioned that Martin has a fondness for spiders…and spiders do seem to be a prominent member of ✨the horrors✨. However, that fondness for them could still be nothing, and even if it is something, it’s worth noting that the spiders are currently one of the more mysterious aspects of the story so…I’m not too sure just yet, but I thought it was interesting. Anyways, onwards to Episode 55!

- Episode 55, Pest Control 🐜

Statement of Jordan Kennedy, regarding several encounters while working in Pest Control. Statement taken direct from subject.

AND IIIIIIIIIII WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOOOOOOOUUUUUUU!!!! So…it’s confirmed. Jane Prentiss is officially, indisputably dead. Her ashes are indeed with Jon…:(. Well, suffice to say, it was very nice to get an episode that kind of felt like a memorial for her, just a nice little sendoff. But despite me mourning her forever and always, WOW this episode made me giddy. It had another statement live from subject, which is always a pleasure, presented a great look at Jon’s mental state and trauma from the infestation, and also set up some extremely interesting and EXTREMELY exciting plot points for the future. Man…this season just keeps on dropping amazing episode after amazing episode. Much like Section 31, this one had a structure where is was sort of…multiple statements in one, so I think I’ll go one after another. So, that means I’m starting off with the ants! …gross.

So, before I get into the statement, I should start with the few things that come before. As mentioned earlier, the statement comes live from one Jordan Kennedy, an exterminator who helped burn Jane’s body. Now I admittedly don’t have all that much to say about Jordan as a character (and NO, it’s not just because he killed the best character), there’s just not a ton to say about him that isn’t obviously seen in the episode. However, apparently Jonny was in a band at some point, and both Jordan and Basira are voiced by other members. I just think that’s really cool, and I might have to listen to that band at some point… Anyways, the other think that stuck out to me was Jon’s mental state because…wow and yikes. Yikes as in…I don’t think he’s doing that well, but wow in the sense that I’m very happy with how they portrayed his trauma here. It’s just nice to know that despite things like Gertrude and Micheal, the podcast is still very aware that the infestation hurt him badly. I mean, it hurts to see…but it is very good writing. Well, with all of that out of the way, what do we learn from Jordan’s first statement? Well firstly, it’s nice to know that tma is still persistent in its efforts to prove that I find large amounts of insects disgusting, even when in my heart I wish I didn’t. Just….ugh, the image of all of those ants in the house makes me squirm. I will also say that the whole scenario here really did remind me of Blood Bag, so while I initially found connections between that episode and The Flesh Hive ones pretty speculative, I’m a LOT a more sure of it now. …I feel like the institute could’ve made use of that syringe in retrospect. I mean Salesa DOES give artifacts to them so…like, what the hell dude? You couldn’t have spared ONE syringe? So yeah, the ants are absolutely terrifying, I don’t like the fact that they didn’t immediately die, and…oh god, what the hell was in that fridge? (Well, you know, outside of ants.) Anyways, this could’ve just been written off as another gross as shit statement…until we’re met with the return of John Amherst, the creepy guy from Taken Ill. (Side Note: I already thought he was involved due to the description of his suit and the yellow oily residue, so getting those suspicions validated post-statement was VERY satisfying.) Anyways, Amherst’s presence here is…strange. Jon had already made comparisons between Jane’s statement and that of Nicole Baxter in MAG 36, but that was more of a reference to how the statement givers both talked about fear in similar ways. Outside of the general theme of…gross, as well as a fly landing in Amherst’s face, any other connections were interesting, yet tenuous. But now…yeah, there’s a very clear connection! Obviously both of them gave off a very similar smell, but they also care deeply for the insects that reside with them, Amherst with his ants, and Jane with her…well, they call them worms, but in retrospect I actual think they’re supposed to be Wasp Larvae, especially with the new information in this episode. I’ll still call them worms though. The major difference here though is that Jane was basically a walking corpse being piloted by her worms, while Amherst is a lot more human and in control of himself, although he is still clearly unstable given how quickly he was willing to kill Jordan…and also the fact that he seems to be making an effort to make his (former) home as disgusting as possible. Jane was also very destructive all of the time, while Amherst is clearly capable of holding back when he needs to, such as in MAG 36. So while I think these two are definitely connected, and both have probably forged connections with The Flesh Hive, said connections clearly work differently, and I’m interested to see where they go with this in the future! It’s very cool to see them delve more into the concept of regular humans who just happened to be marked by one or more of ✨the horrors✨, and as someone who loves Jane dearly, I’m very excited by the prospect of more like her, even if Amherst doesn’t quite live up to her yet, in my opinion.

There is…one other thing here in this story about Amherst that is pretty interesting though. The last major similarity between him and Jane is that they are both very weak to fire. Granted we already knew this, since C02 was used against Jane, and Trevor the Tramp and his companion seemingly set fire to Ivy Meadows, but this similarity becomes a lot more interesting when we look at the second story Jordan tells us. Oh uh…yeah, my thoughts on this story individually. Uh…yeah it was really good, super gross and I’m interested in Amherst. But anyways, the second story. Now, since Hive is still my favorite episode, I obviously REALLY liked this part. Not only because it’s a cool callback, but also because as much as I love the abstract, slam poetry-like storytelling in Hive, it does make the episode a little bit hard to follow at times, which I overall think adds to the horror, but getting a look at those events from someone who isn’t…basically dying was nice. So, the first thing here I find intriguing is the wasp’s nest in Jane’s attic. Firstly, I already thought it was responsible for what happened to her, but this just confirms it, because…ew, I don’t like this thing. It might have produced one of if not the rawest line in the entire story so far but…ew. (Also, this doesn’t connect to the wasp’s nest but I don’t know where else to put it; Jordan mentions a smashed TV in Jane’s attic, which reminds me of the episode Arachnophobia, and the spiders clearly have some sort of antagonistic relationship with The Flesh Hive so…hm…) But, here’s the more intriguing part. The wasp’s nest is described as being unnaturally spongey, and both it, Amherst and Jane are all easily flammable. (also did Amherst die there? Or do we just not know? And like, I know we like to joke about all of the Micheals, but there’s a lot of Johns as well. Ok I’m getting sidetracked.) Now, a couple of people in the YouTube comments pointed out that both of those are cited as features of vampires. And now that I think about it, isn’t it weird that Trevor Herbert, a vampire hunter, somehow knew how to deal with some sort of weird sickness that was seemingly entirely outside of his deal? Unless…the two of them are directly connected. Tma already has a pretty unique depiction of vampires, so to make them Flesh Hive people would honestly just be icing on the cake. Granted what little we’ve seen of vampires doesn’t really have many themes of disease or bugs but…I don’t know, it could work! God…I am still really befuddled by Trevor. Like, how did he survive? Was the person with him Basira’s cop friend? Ugh god I’m getting sidetracked again. Anyways, this story from Jordan is all fine and good, it’s nice to get some more context on Episode 32…but things get really interesting when we see more of Jane’s landlord, Arthur Nolan.

So, this guy was mentioned all the way back in Hive, and if I’m being honest, I…did not think much of him initially. His death in a fire seemed a little suspicious, but all things considered..I had more pressing matters on the mind after that episode. But…wow. Turns out this guy is a lot more important than I initially assumed. (Side note: As I’m writing this, I just realized I finally understand why The Flesh Hive hates the institute. It’s probably because it’s home to another one of ✨the horrors✨! Sorry, it’s just that I’m really realizing a lot of new things about my favorite episode lmao.) Obviously, Arthur Nolan has clear knowledge of the threat that The Flesh Hive poses, so much so that even though he’s a landlord (which is probably the scariest thing in the entire episode), he was willing to burn the entire building and even sacrifice himself if it meant getting rid of that wasp’s nest. Now, not only is that a testament to how fucking scary The Flesh Hive is, but…there’s some other really weird things about Arthur. He didn’t just burn down the building on a whim, because according to Jordan, his flat was extremely warm, and he had an intricate scar on his chest that looked both like a flame and a face in pain. …And all of these connections to heat and fire are just a little bit too suspicious for me to ignore. I’ve had some time to think about it, and I think Arthur Nolan was likely connected to the Sumerian demon Asag, maybe even a part of the same cult that Diego Molina was a part of, and that also seemed to be responsible for the events of Burnt Offering. The general connection to heat is one thing, but just…once again, the fact that he knew how to deal with The Flesh Hive shows a great enough understanding of ✨the horrors✨ from him. And if my classification of ✨the horrors✨ is somewhere along the lines of being correct, then that means The Flesh Hive is opposed to, and likely weak to at least three of them. Those are the eyes associated with The Keays and The Institute, the spiders, and Asag. So…yeah. That about wraps it up on the statement of Jordan Kennedy. In conclusion, Amherst and Jane are clearly connected, The Flesh Hive is weak to fire, it has some strange similarities with vampires, Arthur Nolan has…some sort of relevance, and even though Jane is dead…this story is far from over.

So, what about post-statement and the supplemental? Well, truth be told, there isn’t much here that I haven’t already gone over, outside of two things. Firstly, I found it really weird that Jon said The Flesh Hive “doesn’t seem like the sort of being that would work well with others.” In my opinion…I feel like this kind of goes against the point. Sure, Jane was a walking corpse, but the whole point of The Flesh Hive was that it was…well, a hive, a hivemind. It functioned best when together, it gave Jane a twisted sort of love and affection, its whole goal was to infect more people. (Speaking of which, I think it would’ve been cool if we had gotten to see some more worm zombies than just Jane and Timothy Hodge. Eh, maybe we still will, who knows?) So…yeah, this just comes off as a weird thing for Jon to say in my opinion. But more interestingly, as short as the supplemental was, it does reveal that JON FINALLY GOT A GOOD NIGHT’S SLEEP FUCK YEAH!!! Super happy for you king, now let’s PLEASE start making that a routine :). Also I do find it funny that the institute gets a fuck-ton of fake statements in Halloween season, that’s just perfect. Well…since I don’t have much more to say, I might as well just mention a largely unrelated theory I’ve been having while I’m here. That kind of seems to be a running theme with this part of the post. Like, this episode is great on its own, but it really does just get me thinking about other stuff. So, something in the YouTube comments I found interesting was theory about how maybe there’s a “four horsemen of the apocalypse” thing going on here. The theory suggested that The Flesh Hive is pestilence, The Piper is war, The Reapers are death, and some unknown thing is famine, and the entire series is building up to some sort of apocalypse. Now, do I believe this theory. Honestly…no. The apocalypse idea just doesn’t have a lot of evidence right now, and there are many other beings like Micheal, The Anglerfish, the spiders, etc, that are just as, if not more weird and eldritch as the ones listed here. However…it did get me thinking. I pretty much entirely forgot about The Reapers for a hot second, and the more I thought about it…they really don’t connect to any of ✨the horrors✨ I’ve listed so far. The only possible connection is one of them showed up during a war like The Piper, but that honestly seems like a MASSIVE stretch that not even I’m willing to take. And I mean, Nathaniel Thorp did kind of imply The Reapers were at the whims of a higher power… So..I’d like to add a new being to ✨the horrors✨, one I’m dubbing “The Master of The Reapers” until further notice. While shrouded in mystery, I could absolutely see this thing being one of ✨the horrors✨. Now, I’m not going to update my list, because I’m still wavering on whether or not The Anglerfish and “Whatever The Other Circus worships” are the same being. If they are the same being, then I still probably have one more horror to uncover, assuming that my number of 14 is correct. But if they’re separate…well, consider the list complete until further notice! I know this might seem out of nowhere, but honestly…I’m pretty confident about this one. I’ll just have to wait and see how close to truth I end up getting. So…yeah! That’s Pest Control. Overall it was another great episode, and I’m very satisfied with how it followed up on my favorite, and with how it sets up a potential return of The Flesh Hive in the future.

Supplemental: Doing school from home while also having terrible ADD can make things very hard when trying to pay attention during online lectures. So, I have come up with a solution:

- Episode 56, Children of the Night 🛏️

Continued statement of Trevor Herbert, regarding the latter years of his career as a vampire hunter.

OH MY GOD. LITERALLY RIGHT AFTER I TALK ABOUT HIM AT LENGTH. TREVOR. THE FUCKING. TRAMP. APOLLO HAS GRANTED ME THE GIFT OF PROPHECY. So, needless to say, I was very excited when this episode began. I mean, I’ve been wondering about Trevor’s relevance in the story for quite a while now, so obviously I’d be very interested. So with that in mind…this episode is…kind of a weird one for me? Not bad, I still have a lot of good to say about it, it’s just…I don’t know. It might be due to the fact that it’s directly continuing off of a much earlier statement, and also the fact that parts of it are intentionally emitted, but…I have scrambled thoughts about this one. I’ll get into it as I go along, but for now…just know that this is a bit of a strange one, and it’s kind of hard for me to discuss. But regardless, was the episode good? Of course! All of them have been enjoyable and this one isn’t any different! I’m always up for a direct continuation of an older statement, which this season in particular has done a great job with, it’s nice to get confirmation of Trevor’s relevance, and it adds some interesting new elements to a plot point set up in an episode that in all honesty, if it wasn’t for the reveal that all the statements are real at the end of Season 1, I could’ve interpreted as complete bullshit if I wanted to. But with all of the preamble out of the way, let’s get into it!

Firstly, I’d like to talk a little bit about Trevor’s characterization here, and how it contrasts his previous statement, because I think it’s one of my favorite parts of the episode. In Episode 10, Trevor was…a bit more of a comedic character, or at the very least a notable standout. Compared to every other statement giver before him, and maybe even everyone after him so far, all of whom were unsure about what really happened to them with varying degrees of knowledge, Trevor seemed…entirely aware of what he was up against, which made him very memorable in my eyes. But while a little bit of that homeless tramp charm is gone here, I’ve got to say, I REALLY like the contrast in this episode. Here, Trevor isn’t fighting against vampires, he’s fighting against a seemingly completely different horror, and grappling with his murder of another human, both of which make him just as lost and scared as any other statement giver, and help to insert him into the modern story. While I do miss his earlier portrayal..I have to admit, seeing a man that was once much more sure of himself now be shaken like everyone else really puts into perspective how mysterious and terrifying everything is right now, and it’s a very interesting direction that for his character that I like a whole lot, and it makes me excited to see what happens with him next. I guess I also should mention the..odd lack of vampires here as well, considering he is THE vampire guy. Admittedly, while it is a little strange for them to not really be there, I did just write out a theory on how the previous episode connects to vampires so…I don’t know, I’m fine with it. But uh..anyways, what about the things that actually happen in the statement? Well, I feel like I should start off with the structure. Now, this is obviously a direct follow up to Vampire Killer, but not in the way that, let’s say…Tightrope follows up on Strange Music, more in the way that Desecrated Host follows up on Confession. The difference here is that Desecrated Host came right after Confession, while this episode is 46 after the one that contained the first part of the same statement. At the end of the day, I was still able to get a grasp of what was going on, since I still remembered Trevor’s initial story well enough, but…it was just a bit of a shock structurally. Combined with the fact that there are still more missing parts of this statement (which can obviously be resolved in the future, but as of now it’s still a bit of an annoyance), and this episode…just kind of throws you back in after a massive break from the storyline. Usually, episodes take their time getting into things a bit better, and even when they don’t, like in Infestation for example, you still expect those episodes to be chaotic based on what’s going on at the time. Here though…I don’t know, it’s nothing beyond redemption but…it just threw me off my course when I started listening. Honestly, I think a better way to handle it would’ve been to have Trevor submit a second statement entirely separate from Episode 10, since we already know that he didn’t pass away right after giving it like we thought, and it would’ve just allowed for some better flow. I know that was quite a lot of criticism, but ultimately, it’s nothing that can’t be fixed. It kind of reminds me of Episode 4. I initially found that one to be confusing as all heck, and while I still think it might just introduce a little bit too much for one episode, I’ve only grown to appreciate it more and more as I learn more about The Keays, The Leitners and Mike, and I think the same could go for this one. I plan to re-listen to tma one day, since there’s probably a lot that I’ve missed or that’ll be recontextualized, so who knows? Maybe I’ll look at this episode more fondly one day, but for now…the pacing was just a little too odd for me. Still though, if the institute can find those missing pieces and finish the statement, I think It’ll all be fine :). Ok, ENOUGH NEGATIVITY. Here’s some things that I actually liked.

Wow I got sidetracked. Ok, NOW I’m actually going to talk about what happened in the statement for real. So, while the stories here are pretty short, I think they’re actually very effective. I still kind of wish that we got to learn more about some of Trevor’s other huntings that are alluded to here, especially since the statement opens with one of those stories finishing, but I like what we got here as well, especially with the newfound unawareness in Trevor we see here. The first statement directly follows up on a minor plot point from Vampire Killer, and…wow. This was genuinely…very bleak. This is probably the only part of a statement that genuinely isn’t paranormal (at least as far as I’m concerned), and yet…it’s one of the scariest things I think this podcast has produced. Not in a shit-your-pants kind of way, it’s just…really depressing. There’s no strange explanation, no interference from ✨the horrors✨…just a sad scenario where a guy, who while not innocent did not deserve death, is murdered by a tortured soul out of said soul’s own trauma, convictions, addictions and mental state. Just…a really bleak and depressing scenario, and Trevor’s writing here really seals the deal. If you couldn’t tell, my favorite part of this episode is just Trevor in general, I already liked him a lot, but this episode really made him grow on me. Honestly…he might be one of the most terrifying statement givers so far. Not Jane levels, but…he’s just so morbidly conflicting. Because like, you UNDERSTAND him, you realize why he thought Alard was a vampire, you understand how deeply distraught he was after commuting the murder, and really do sympathize with him, and yet he still terrifies me. The way that he talks about the hunt being an addiction harder to remove than heroin, the way it becomes so clear that he’s become so traumatized and used to a life of stalking and killing monsters, that he can easily make a slip-up as grave as this…it’s just really depressing, and one of the best things about this episode by far. Ultimately, I don’t have much to theorize about here, since like I said, this doesn’t seem to be remotely paranormal, although I will say that the scars on Not!Stanley Kubrick (I know he’s not one of those things, I just think it’s funny wordplay) we’re pretty interesting. I doubt they were actually from Alard but…maybe Stanley had a chance encounter with some actual vampires. Hm.

The second story that Trevor tells us is..almost the inverse of the first one. It doesn’t have quite as much in terms of interesting character writing for him, but it does have some very interesting lore implications. Even then, I still think there’s some interesting character writing here. This was definitely the moment where Trevor’s life stopped becoming just about vampires, when he got involved with other parts of ✨the horrors✨, and it shows. Like, Jonny Sims REALLY did a great job with the delivery, even if it’s slightly less comedic than Trevor’s last appearance. It was also interesting how he talked about “things lurking in the dark”. That does feel very Divine Host core to me. (Oh btw, I’m just going to calm it The Divine Host now, because the full name is way too long lmao.) Honestly, given the name of the episode, I fully expected The Divine Host to play at least..a partial role in the story here, and yet…nothing. I mean, I know they played a role in at least one, most likely two very recent episodes but.. “Children of the Night?!” I mean, what does that rule even signify outside of “spooky monster?” Ok, I’m getting ahead of myself…what about what actually happened here? Well, I can’t really say much about Craig for the time being, due to the pitiful amount of information, but I can talk about the spider lady. This is the first time spiders have been prominent in a statement since..Hive I think, and given how I speculate spiders connect to one of ✨the horrors✨, I’m more than happy to see more of these little things, even though I did not expect it at all. But anyways, the thing that really caught my attention with this spider lady was just…how similar to Jane she was. I mean, she pulls Trevor in like the wasp’s nest tried to do with Jordan in the last episode, she’s described as being kind of greasy, gross and later hollow, and is crawling with insects! That’s literally just Diet Jane! …But that’s so weird to me. I talked at length about how I think Jane and Amherst are at the very least vampire-adjacent, but Trevor looks at this thing that is so similar to Jane, and goes out of his way to separate it from vampires as much as possible, so there’s already a hole in that theory made right after I proposed it. And secondly, the spiders are implied to have an antagonistic relationship with The Flesh Hive, what with them eating the worms and potentially forcing it to attack the institute early, so WHY DO THEY FUNCTION SO SIMILARLY?! Someone in the YouTube comments proposed that maybe the worms, spiders and ants are all against each other, and while that could explain Jon’s weird comment about how Jane and Amherst don’t seem like beings that would want to work together, it also..it just makes things so much more complicated at the moment. Because either I have to make ants their own thing (which forces me to make The Anglerfish the figure of worship for The Other Circus before I’ve even decided if that’s the route I want to go down), or I have to make all three bugs the same thing, and quite frankly, I CAN’T HANDLE THAT RIGHT NOW. …This whole podcast is one big mindfuck and I love it so much. So…yeah, this one spider lady is driving me insane, and I have no idea how Trevor is dealing with it now. And you know, on that note…I do have one more grievance.

I’m just going to add a quick disclaimer; I’m about to be so fucking petty. Look, like I’ve said a million times, I do still like this episode. In fact, as I’ve been writing this, and as I’ve been thinking more about what the episode does well, I’ve come to like it a lot more than I thought I did initially. The moral of the story is that first impressions are bullshit. But, I am basically tasking myself with documenting all of those first impressions, so here’s the thing. While I’m sure all of the strange mysteries surrounding Trevor will be solved eventually, and that all of these dumb complaints will mean nothing in the end…I was expecting a few more answers. The reveal of the reason for Trevor not dying just being that…Martin got the wrong idea was, while a completely acceptable answer in the long run, a little bit anticlimactic for me. I think I need to accept that as time goes on, there’s a very real possibility that the answers might not be as crazy as I thought (which in some cases is a good thing, holy shit I will get to that when I talk about the supplemental), and that’s ok. I just…I guess after wildly speculating about how he survived in my head for 20 episodes, I was a little disappointed. But on top of that, there was some other things I was really hoping to get answered. I was hoping for more information on how vampires function, more on that person who seemingly helped burn down Ivy Meadows, and just more on…what Trevor is doing right now. Like, what’s his goal? How far has he moved away from vampires, and onto something greater? And all of this wouldn’t be that big of a deal if Jon had bothered to question some of it himself. Like, I know I worry for him constantly digging down rabbit holes, but like, I’m doing it too, AND INSANE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS STICK TOGETHER GOD DAMNIT. But in all seriousness, I would’ve just liked him to speculate a bit more here, especially considering that it was him who revealed the identity of the old guy in Episode 36, not the actual statement giver. But like I said, please just understand that all of this is very nitpicky , and going on the assumption that most of these plot points get answers down the line, these complaints will likely be irrelevant one day. Also understand that I would not be bitching this much about something I don’t absolutely love, I do NOT have the mental stamina or the time to be a genuine hater. Even if I was initially a little bit disappointed by the lack of answers, and even if this isn’t my favorite episode in the season, it was still very good, which I’ve determined is the usual minimum quality for this podcast. While I hope to see some more answers in the future, this was still a worthwhile episode, and it gets me excited for what’s to come. Still a great time :).

But you know what, the statement could’ve been utter garbage and I’d still hold the episode in high regards due to the supplemental. Holy shit. Holy shit you guys. I’m not even breathing I’m hyperventilating at this point. So..Jon…man….I think it’s time for your sedation 💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉💉 I…I don’t think this twink is doing too well everyone. Ugh, and this happens right after the episode where we get confirmation of a good night’s sleep for this “man”. This is by far the most unhinged he has ever been, and while I kind of love that..I am also terrified by it. Once again, I have to give serious props to Jonathan Sims (real life) for his deliveries, because HOLY FUCK HIS POOR VOCAL CORDS. The fact that a simple misunderstanding, one that occurred MONTHS before…not even this, but the fucking Prentiss attack, can drive him so far over the edge is NOT. A GOOD. SIGN. I’m coming to love unhinged Jon, and the sheer furious energy of this scene only makes me love him more, but POOR MARTIN. Like, this guy is the only person in this show I can look at and be fully confident he has done nothing wrong, and yet HE has to suffer being yelled at by his loser crush. And he handles it so well too it’s just UGH I LOVE HIM SO MUCH HE’S THE SWEETEST GUY AND I WANT ALL THE GOOD THINGS FOR HIM. He’s willing to expose his greatest secret to calm down Jon in a moment of emotional distress and, you know, if it wasn’t for all of the other shit that needs to be sorted, I would have Jon and Martin kiss right now. If there are plushies of them out there, please let me know, I would like to mash their faces together, and then tuck Martin into bed while I defenestrate Jon. Oh, and mentioning his secret…oh my god. 14 episodes of buildup, wondering what big secret Martin had…and this is the answer. I never expected him to be evil or anything, but I did expect the reveal to be pretty big and shocking…but no. He just…he just lied on his résumé. That. Is. ….peak comedy. Absolutely hilarious, ten out of ten. I am never going to forget this until the day I die. What an absolute icon of academia. He drops out of High School (Bri’ish) to support his mom, lies about PARAPSYCHOLOGY of all things on his résumé, and then some random stoner guy just recruits him, and the next thing he knows he is being hunted down by worms. He is the silliest guy known to man oh my god. This might just be the best example of a purposefully anticlimactic reveal I’ve ever seen, and that is saying something. And OH MY GOD IT MADE JON HAPPY! FUCKING YES! Now, I would say that I think this will help repair Jon and Martin’s relationship, and that Jon will finally calm down. The only problem is that I don’t actually think that, but…it’s progress. So, yeah, amazing supplemental, probably my favorite. Goodnight Tumblr, I hope you have dreams of squeezing Jon like a squeaky toy. :)

Supplemental: call me micheal the way i lure people into liminal spaces with my charm

- Episode 57, Personal Space 🔒

Statement of Carter Chilcott, regarding his time spent in isolation aboard the Space Station Daedalus in September 2007.

Everyone seems to say that you will eventually find an episode of tma that targets you specifically. I don’t really want to give a definitive answer as to what that episode is until I’m finished, but for now…this is absolutely that episode. Holy. Shit. What sins have I committed that warrant experiencing those 21 minutes of raw, unbridled fear? What does Rusty Quill have against me? And why is it that despite how fucking shaken I am, this is absolutely one of my favorite episodes in the entire series? Like, IT HAS NO RIGHT BEING THIS GOOD AFTER WHAT IT JUST DID TO ME. Wow…I’m still processing what I just witnessed. From the moment this episode started, I knew I was in for an experience, and while the plot is fairly simple without a whole lot of moving parts…that just makes it all the more terrifying and brilliant. I…have thoughts on this episode. Boy oh boy, do I have some thoughts. So…let’s just get into it as I try not to scream. Actually, I shouldn’t have to worry about that now that I think about it. After all, no one can hear you scream in space :,).

So the episode starts, and I’m already scared shitless. Usually there’s a bit more of a slow build towards the horror, but NOT HERE. They just threw me right in, and it was horrifying all throughout, yippee! Granted though, I haven’t really felt that since…Burnt Offering, I guess, but the feeling hasn’t been this strong since Hive so…yeah you can probably see why I love this episode so much. Carter’s speech at the beginning…haunted me. Thinking about how tiny and insignificant we are in the grand scheme of the universe is already pretty terrifying to me, but I at least find a little bit of comfort in the idea that we aren’t the only living things out there, that there’s more than just black void out in space. So to have Carter, this man who has seen the horrors of space firsthand immediately refute this idea with such conviction, while still standing by the idea that we are so finite…damn. So already, the episode is off to a great start, but what about the rest of it? Well, a lot of my more in depth thoughts only really come out when you consider what’s revealed to post-statement, so for now I’ll just talk about some neat and terrifying aspects of the episode that I found notable. Firstly, there’s some pretty clever imagery here with the names of certain things. Most people probably know the name of the space station, “Daedalus” as the name the father of Icarus from Greek myth. You know, that guy who knew jack shit about how heat works? Well, Daedalus was also the guy who built the labyrinth, which was notably used to imprison and isolate certain people and monsters. These references to isolation continue with Carter watching “28 Days Later”, a film that deals with such a topic. Just thought those were some cool references. But, on the note of the name Daedalus, I did find it a little bit interesting that one of Carter’s hallucinations was that of the door opening. It’s probably a stretch, but…given how Micheal’s backrooms were kind of reminiscent of the labyrinth, I do wonder if there’s a connection there…hm. But anyways! What about all of the terrifying stuff? Well, I don’t have that much to say about the spacesuit, as I honestly have…no idea what that was supposed to mean, outside of providing false hope of seeing another person, but…everything else was freaky as shit. The earth being gone, the cameras being cut…and the message on the lock. Holy fuck. That will haunt me in my nightmares. “NO ONE IS COMING” is the new “Take her not me”. …I don’t know if the code in the safe has any significance though. And like…can I just talk about how tragic and traumatized of a character Carter is? Like it still amazes me that this show can make episodes about people nailing meat to their walls, and then make THIS, AND BOTH OF THEM STILL WORK REGARDLESS. Just…the fact that this guy was putting in all that effort to get prepared for the experiment, STILL experienced all of that psychological torture, and tried to kill himself in order to get out of what he genuinely considered to be hell (that part also haunted me)…what a poor soul. Honestly my only complaint with this episode was that we never got to learn if Carter was ok or not. I NEED him to be ok. So…yeah, that’s just an assortment of notable observations and things that scared me. But with all of that out of the way, it’s time I talk about the bigger implications. At the end of the episode, we learn that the Daedalus operation was being run by The Fairchilds and The Lukas Family, and at the very least had some involvement from The Divine Host. And..I certainly have some thoughts about this.

I’ll start off by covering The Fairchilds, as they’re probably the least I have to say about in this scenario. Firstly, I do love that the two big rich eldritch horror families are working together, I think that’s pretty funny, but secondly…yeah, their involvement here just makes sense. I don’t have much more to say about it. I mean, it seems like the family definitely serves the being called The Vast, and given that we are in the VAST void of space, it makes perfect sense for them to be involved here, since such an experiment allows them to throw people into an endless void without even having to use cosmic powers, and we already knew that they worked in aerospace so…yeah, it’s not a surprise to know that they were involved. If I had to guess, I’d assume they were responsible for the empty space suit and the earth, sun and moon disappearing, since both of those deal with some sort of emptiness. Outside of that, all we really learn is that they have a collaboration with The Lukas Family, which is pretty interesting. (Side Note, this episode is currently battling with Literary Heights when it comes to what my current favorite episode of the season is, so…yeah, The Vast does good work.) But mentioning The Lukas Family, what about them? Well, to my understanding, they have the biggest involvement in the experiment. I mean, I think The Fairchilds probably did the most when it came to developing Daedalus itself, but the experiment itself was probably manned by The Lukas Family. We already know they have a habit of isolating people, as show in the other two episodes they’ve been involved in, and obviously the experiment was being manned by Conrad Lukas. (Side note: Considering his mention here, as well as the fact he owns the company that the crew of The Tundra works for, I assume that Nathaniel Lukas is likely the “ruler” of The Lukas Family, and if it’s a Manson-esque cult like I think it might be based on vibes, then he would be the cult leader.) So yeah, I definitely think this episode’s threats are mostly provided by The Lukas Family, which includes things like the lock, the clock stopping, Carter’s weird dreams (which are of graveyards and an open sea, both of which relate to one of the previous Lukas episodes each), and…potentially the cutting of the camera, although that could go multiple ways. So yeah, this episode doesn’t give us that much new information on The Lukas Family, but it does still show us a new member, provides a connection to The Fairchilds, and also shows another strange action of theirs, which is more than enough. But before I get on to the final group, I have a couple of other things I want to briefly discuss. Those things are the food, and the other crew members.

Now, I don’t exactly know what group or power was responsible for infinitely restocking the food, but I think I might have a hunch as to what the food was doing. It’s implied that when Carter nearly starved himself to death, his colleagues took him back to Earth before he died, but I have to wonder if that’s not the case. You see, so much of what happened to Carter…shouldn’t be possible. Obviously The Fairchilds and The Lukas Family set some things up, and can make paranormal things happen, but as far as we’re concerned, none of them were actually onboard so…how would you get all of this weird stuff to happen when there’s no one who can make it happen. Well…there might be an answer to this. Some other people also pointed out something similar in the YouTube comments but…I have to wonder if Daedalus was just a simulation. I know that is a bold claim, but think about it. In a simulation, anything as illogical as what happened on the station could happen perfectly fine, without needing a Fairchild or Lukas on board. So maybe…the food was keeping Carter inside the simulation, and when he stopped eating he simply woke up. It’s still entirely possible that he did starve himself, and that he really was in space, and that his colleagues did bring him back down…but I really like the simulation idea. It makes the whole thing even more tragic and terrifying, because it would mean that Carter never even got to go to space in the first place…which admittedly might be a blessing for him nowadays, but still. And then we have the matter of the the other two astronauts. There’s two possibilities when it comes to what role they play here. The simplest answer is to assume that they were just there in case of emergency, maybe also there to make Carter’s despair greater, since he KNEW there were others outside his confinement. But the thing is, they apparently were also there to do their own experiments, and while that could be a lie…I have to wonder. You see, there’s likely three factions, each serving one of ✨the horrors✨, in charge of the Daedalus operation, yet Carter’s experiment has a clear bias towards The Lukas Family and their desire to isolate. So, what if the other two astronauts were being put through their own torture experiments by The Fairchilds and The Divine Host respectively? And if Daedalus is actually just a simulation…what if they’re still in there? I mean, Carter never ACTUALLY saw them, so…I genuinely do not know. This idea can go either ways, and both of them make me squirm with fear. But with all of those theories out of the way, we have but one more thing to talk about, that being The Divine Host.

So, The Divine Host isn’t actually mentioned by name here, but they absolutely have some level of involvement with what’s going on. This is because Optic Solutions Ltd., the company that provided the cameras, are stationed in Ny-Ålesund. Ny-Ålesund was mentioned in Growing Dark, an episode that VERY clearly featured The Divine Host (or whatever it’s called nowadays), and was listed as the coldest place in the world where the nights are longest. Natalie Ennis kind of implied that the church was going somewhere, so I suspect that Ny-Ålesund is where they’re stationed nowadays…likely to do something very bad. Now, it’s entirely possible that The Divine Host’s involvement here is the same as that of The Fairchilds and The Lukas Family. They’ve launched people into space or a simulation, and want to do some freaky experiments. That makes perfect sense, and I’d assume they’re responsible for…well, obviously the cameras, but probably the 20 minute blackout as well. However…I have to wonder if their involvement was a little bit more antagonistic. Obviously they were involved in the experiment but…maybe not in the same way as the other two groups. You see, I just find it weird that The Divine Host would go out of its way to set up a camera, and then secretly cut the wires to make Carter feel more isolated, not only because that’s kind of elaborate and unnecessary, but also because the isolation is more of a Lukas Family thing. Sure, it could pray on the fear of being alone in the dark but…I don’t know, it’s weird. And mentioning that, outside of the darkness of space, The Divine Host seems to have the least reason to be involved this experiment. Hell, even when the earth, sun and moon disappeared, there were still shining stars visible. So I’m just think that while the idea that they’re working alongside the other two groups makes sense, it’s also possible that maybe…maybe they were trying to sabotage the experiment. Maybe they set up the camera in an attempt to lessen Carter’s isolation, but it was later cut by The Lukas Family. Maybe the blackout was a result of them trying to cut the experiment short. And this makes more sense when you consider the fact that even though The Magnus Institute isn’t really involved with this experiment, The Lukas Family, who is, is a strong ally of the institute. And assuming that the institute connects to the eye monster in Alexandria, and that the Divine Host opposes that monster due to their closed eye symbol…then they’d have every reason to go after a faction that allies itself with their enemy. And OH MY GOD, I just remembered that someone in the YouTube comments pointed out that maybe The Divine Host killed Gertrude, since screams were heard coming from Hither Green Chapel on the day of her death, and as archivist for the institute she’s probably be their enemy, and…ajdjfhejhfjdjsjdjjfjdjjd. ….Ok, I’m absolutely spiraling out of control here. Simply put, I find The Divine Host’s involvement here the most interesting overall, and I think it could easily go in multiple different directions. It’s connections to The Fairchilds, The Lukas Family and likely The Magnus Institute are all very interesting, and I’m just very excited to see everything start coming together.

Wow. What an episode. This is at the very least my second favorite episode of Season 2 after Literary Heights, and it might even top that. The main character and themes of isolation and mental trauma were both relatable and absolutely terrifying for me, the connections between different factions it provides are all extremely interesting, and I really hope to see more of Daedalus in the future. As for the supplemental…well, there’s definitely quite a few things worth mentioning here. Firstly, I’ve noticed that Jon is getting a lot sloppier when it comes to hiding his activity. His meeting with Elias, as well as him admitting he doesn’t trust his assistants on a main recording once was already something, but this is just reckless and…I’m very concerned by that. Secondly, his dialogue here implies a future statement regarding Hill Top Road and the children who lived in that house, which is super exciting! Hill Top Road hasn’t shown up since Episode 19/20, and the children haven’t been mentioned since Episode 8. It’s a very interesting part of the lore to me, and hopefully I’ll learn more about what happened to all the kids living there soon enough. But while that’s all intriguing…we then have Not!Sasha. Firstly…it is CERTAINLY interesting that she asked Jon not to record their conversations. Why is that? Hm? Is it because the audio is weird? CARE TO ELABORATE?! As for the items in her desk, well, the ripped paper could be anything, from scrap to actual torn apart documents (I’m implied to believe the latter, unfortunately), and as for her boyfriend…well there’s a few possible explanations for that. Tom, if that is his “real” name, is described as looking like a stock photo. I hope he too is some sort of monster, but it’s also possible he’s like…a wax figure or something, or maybe Not!Sasha is just editing herself into stock photos, idk. Either way…her behavior is as concerning as ever. So yeah…that sure was an episode. …I’m going to go curl up into a hall now, I think I’ve been a bit too scared today…

Supplemental: Regarding the idea of The Divine Host killing Gertrude, it does seem a little bit obvious, and I’m still most suspicious of Elias, but I will admit that it’s a pretty compelling argument and it makes me suspicious.

- Episode 58, Trail Rations🍴

Unsigned statement regarding potential cannibalism while attempting to travel the Oregon Trail.

…That was nothing like the Starkid musical :(. No lobsters whatsoever. Ok, self indulgent jokes aside, this was a pretty decent one. I don’t have TOO much to say about it, (which is fine given how much I’ve been saying about recent episodes), but I still thought it was a pretty good…if pretty disgusting episode. It definitely has one of the best and most unique framing devices so far, an interesting protagonist and plot line, and a couple of potential connections to other episodes as well. Unfortunately though…my thoughts are just kind of simple, so my commentary will be noticeably more brief than usual. But, with all of that out of the way, let’s talk about yet another episode that displays a normal life in America!

Starting off, I have to say that one of my favorite aspects of this episode is by far the general premise. If you’ve had a U.S. education, then you’ve inevitably read at least a couple of excerpts from Oregon Trail journals, (and also probably played the game based on them, which is a certified classic), so you would therefore know that they are historically freaky as shit. Like. GOD. The things that happen there are…yikes. So I’m very happy that they decided to make an episode based on it, since it feels like a great thing to take inspiration from. And honestly, it really does read like an actual Oregon Trail journal…just if the circumstances were even more dire. Oh god, and speaking of that writing style, what about that opening. I always love it when tma displays the psychological state of its protagonists, and the opening did a really great job doing so. Anyways, what about the statement itself? Well, another thing I really liked about it was the protagonist, Mrs. Carlisle. It’s always a pleasure to have a genuinely intelligent protagonist in any horror story (hence why we stan Joshua Gillespie) and I really liked how she was portrayed as the smartest person in the story, as I feel that’s an unfortunate rarity among women in old-timey stories. It’s just a shame that she was too late to save her husband, I honestly felt really bad for her. As for the rest…well, I thought Eustace Wick was a pretty intimidating, if kind of fun antagonist, and the part where Benjamin tells his wife to eat him after death…yikes. That was…certainly morbid. Lastly, I did really like the ambiguity on Mrs. Carlisle’s fate, while it seems unlikely it does give me hope she survived, and I do have other reasons to believe that which I’ll get into in a second. And…yeah! That’s about it for my general thoughts on the episode. It’s just a very brutal and sad tale about one of the most brutal and sad journeys in U.S. history, with a great framing device and protagonist. I like it! But, there are definitely some notable connections to previous episodes, so I’ll make sure to go over that.

So, starting off, I definitely think that this episode connects to the member of ✨the horrors✨ with a relation to bones and meat, and that Eustace Wick is a servant of it. Granted, he doesn’t display supernatural abilities like The Boneturner, but his prayer towards meat instead of Jesus makes me think he definitely serves this being, and that cannibalism is a part of the process. But that prayer actually adds a new element to this body horror thing, that being an…oddly religious one. This whole religious aesthetic is very present throughout the entire episode, and I find it pretty interesting. Granted, there are multiple cults that seemingly serve different powers, but none of them really take much from real-world religions as far as I’m concerned, outside of Asag being a Sumerian demon. This however…is very overtly Christian in its aesthetic, and I just find that kind of interesting. It also REALLY reminds me of Confession and Desecrated Host. These episodes are among the few that prominently feature Christianity so far, and if you recall, Edwin Burroughs ends up committing cannibalism after having his mind plagued by ✨the horrors✨. It does make me wonder if maybe the college students he ate also compelled him to, at least through his point of view, but unlike Mrs. Carlisle he actually gave in. The only problem is that I think he was being plagued by Asag, due to the amount of heat in Hill Top Road, and I’d be surprised in Asag and the body horror thing are the same. Then again, it’s possible Edwin was subjected to multiple members of ✨the horrors✨, since there was an eye in the window of the church he saw, he walked through a twisted version of his home like Antonio Blake, and the whole thing was seemingly influenced by Breekon and Hope, who are seemingly most allied with The Other Circus, not Asag, so…I don’t know, I could definitely see there being a connection here with religious cannibalism. Another connection that everyone and their mother has pointed out is the last name of our protagonist and her husband, that being “Carlisle”. This is notable as we have already heard that name via Toby Carlisle, who conveniently also showed up in the 18th episode of a season, and had connections to meat. So, I am definitely of the impression that Toby Carlisle is a descendant of our protagonist, which is why I suspect she might have actually survived and made her way to Oregon in the end, but I guess only time will tell if that’s the case. But if that’s the case, then it makes me believe that whatever Eustace was working with…followed her even after she let the cave, and might have continued to haunt her family centuries down the line. The main question posed by Jon in The Man Upstairs was where Toby got the meat…and nowadays, I definitely think that the meat…got him. And lastly, we have what is probably the biggest point of interest here, that being…why in the hell is this journal even here. Mrs. Carlisle never submitted a statement to The Magnus Institute, and yet it is still here within the archives. So…what the fuck. This means that Jonah Magnus, or maybe someone working for him, went out of their way to go to some random cave in Idaho or whatever, and retrieve this journal that, by all means, might not even be paranormal at a first glance. Obviously what happened was terrifying, but Eustace could’ve just been some random psychopath, and Benjamin telling his wife to eat him could’ve easily been written off as hallucinations derived from starvation, fatigue or trauma. We only know it’s paranormal because Jon has to record it on tape, meaning it is very real and important. But like…what the fuck was going on with Jonah? Why and how did he find this single journal inside of some guy’s corpse? Why was it so important? WHAT DID HE KNOW AND WHAT WAS HIS PROBLEM?! God…I’ve got nothing against overworked Victorian men that possess potentially homosexual relationships with their correspondences, but you are all so annoying god bless.

Well…that was a short one. Yeah…I do quite like this episode as a fun individual tale, but I just don’t have much to say about it that isn’t already blatantly obvious. Still though, I’m glad I was able to glean the information I was able to, and it definitely does bring up some interesting revelations about Jonah and the meat. As for the supplemental…oh thank god they’ve suggested therapy. I mean, it’s a shame it hasn’t exactly worked, but I’m glad I’m not alone in thinking that. Also, I now just feel really shitty for kind of forgetting about Tim. Granted, it’s hard to when you’re listening to what’s going on with Jon all the time, but…yeah, Tim also got pretty fucked up, didn’t he! AND THE FACT THAT HIM WORRYING MAKES JON MORE SUSPICIOUS GRRRRR. Either way, I’m glad that him and Martin are trying to do something to help him…I still think knocking him out with a brick would be a good idea but that might just be me. And on one final note…I-I still can’t get over the fact that revealing he lied on his résumé was what Martin needed to make Jon trust him. That is…possibly the funniest workplace scenario I’ve ever heard. Recording ends or whatever.

Supplemental: I said this one was exceptionally short, but then I looked back at my first of these posts and…yeah nevermind I’m actually pretty satisfied with the length here. Me three months ago was a little coward who couldn’t be bothered to write anything meaningful down lmao. …Or maybe I was just a lot more sane I don’t know.

- Episode 59, Recluse 🍏

Statement of Ronald Sinclair, regarding his years spent in a teenage halfway house on Hill Top Road, Oxford.

HOLY FUCK. HOOOOOOOOOLLLLLY FUCK. I. WHAT. I’M GOING ABSOLUTELY INSANE I AM AT MY FUCKING LIMIT WHAT THE FUCK. Hold on, I should stop using the devil’s tongue, lest Raymond Fielding throw me to the spiders. I…I am not ok. This episode…did so much. It gave so many answers but also SO many questions, validated one of my earliest theories, and…well it’s just making me spiral out of control. It was absolutely fantastic all things considered, but…oh my god. I’m pretty proud of myself for keeping up with things up until this point, but…am I even going to be able to do that anymore? Is this some kind of sick joke being played by god to punish me for my hubris, where he sends me into the never ending chasm of knowledge as I search for the answers at the bottom that doesn’t exist? ANSWER ME YOU SICK BASTARD. So…I’m happy we got another Hill Top Road statement! Definitely a very interesting part of the lore to me but…wow that’s a lot of lore. Unfortunately, I was being an inconclusive little coward when I wrote my “thoughts” on the other Hill Top Road statements, so before I get into the events of this episode and the truckload of implications it provides, I’m going to a brief overview of what’s currently known about this house and it’s history, as it’s very important to understanding what happens here. So…let’s start with a brief recap. May god have mercy on my mind. …How dare Jonny jumpscare me after the Oregon Trail cannibalism episode.

So, what did we know about Hill Top Road before this episode? Well, the house was bought by Walter Fielding in 1891, inherited by Alfred Fielding in 1924 and then inherited again by Raymond Fielding in 1957. Raymond was a devout churchgoer who used the house as a place where teenage runaways and young people with mental problems could stay and be rehabilitated. At some point in time, a young girl named Agnes showed up, who some presumed to be Raymond’s actual daughter. When she showed up, more and more of the kids living there disappeared, until it was just her and Raymond when she was a young adult, with the latter saying all of the other kids had simply moved on. Eventually, Raymond disappeared, followed by a few local pets and a five-year old boy. In 1974, a week after the boy disappeared, the house burnt down, with Raymond’s corpse being found within, his hand severed. Agnes was nowhere to be found. Now, the timeline gets a little bit tricky here, since Ivo Lensik and Edwin Burroughs’s statements do not line up chronologically, seemingly due to mistakes on the writer’s part. I’m just going to go with Ivo’s statement for simplicity’s sake, so let’s just say that in 2006, Ivo Lensik started re-construction on the dilapidated house, eventually tearing down the tree in the backyard and destroying the box beneath it. He also met a man who claimed to be Raymond Fielding, who observed the tree in the backyard, before leaving the house with singes on the floor. On the same day, Edwin Burroughs seemingly reached the peak of his demonic possession and insanity, which eventually led to him cannibalizing two college students and being given two life sentences at HMP Wakefield. He also lost the ability to say words like “God” or “Jesus”, and to do prayer. According to Martin, one Agnes Montague was found to have hung herself in Sheffield on the day of Ivo tearing down the tree, with a severed hand (presumably that of Raymond Fielding) tied to her waist, seemingly having died the same day she did. However, this Agnes was aged 26, which could not have been the same age as the Agnes who lived on Hill Top Road. And I’m just going to say it right now: I think Ms. Montague is a younger relative of the Agnes on Hill Top Road, and that the reason Raymond’s hand was said to have died the day she did was because Raymond only truly died either when he left the house for one last time, or when Edwin performed an exorcism, and that man who claimed to be him was indeed a ghost. So…yeah. Quite the complicated history surrounding this place. In short, there was a creepy house with two creepy people, it burned down killing one of them, the fate of the other is up in the air although someone who at the very least has connections to her died in 2006, and now the house is dilapidated and haunted as all hell. Overall a mysterious history, but while we are still missing a lot of pieces, this episode gave a lot more insight into what was going on here. So, let’s FINALLY get into it, as well as my overall thoughts on this…absolute ride of a story.

First of all, I just want to say I’m very happy that we got this statement two episodes after it was teased, because I never want to have to bear the burden of waiting 10 episodes for Hive ever again. Anyways, going over the basics first, this episode comes from the perspective of Ronald Sinclair, one of the teenagers who stayed at the house during the 60’s. Not only does this give us a look at what Hill Top Road was like before it burned down, which is just really cool, and makes the other statements even creepier now that we know what happened, but it also made me realize…man. I hate the justice system! Like, I know that Ronald was somewhat troublesome, but that is not how you treat abused children. Actually, how did they not figure out what was going on when the children disappeared? Like…did they just not care to go looking for them. Or was there a more sinister answer….oh no. Anyways, I felt really bad for Ronald, and I’m not surprised that he’s still suffering from the trauma to this day. And that is…pretty much all of the surface level thoughts I have on this episode. Yeah, this one is just so full of back to back reveals and implications that I really don’t have much more to say outside of my wild speculation so…I might as well just get into the real meat right now. The main thing this episode does for us is reveal more about the relationship between Raymond Fielding and Agnes. Initially, Burned Out kind of led me to believe that Raymond was a victim of the creepy girl named Agnes, but now we know that while there’s still quite a lot of mystery surrounding the latter, that information was meant to deceive, and the truth is quite the opposite. So let’s talk about…what the fuck is even happening.

I’m just going to cut to the chase: Raymond Fielding was a massive dick. And also a servant of ✨the horrors✨. Seemingly the one associated with spiders. So, at the end of this episode, we learn that Raymond was secretly killing the children who “left” the house, and then started using their bodies as egg sacks for spiders. First of all…ew. Second of all…WHAT?! This was…a very shocking reveal, especially with its timing in the episode, but it also just makes my brain go WILD. Like…WHY was he doing this? What is the purpose of having all of these spiders? How did the authorities never find out? How many children did he kill? What about his ancestors before him? I just…SSDHHJGGGHHH. Now, Raymond’s methods seem to mostly tie into the table…but that’s its own can of worms, so I’ll get into that later. All I’m saying is that this man was absolutely terrifying, and I am GLAD that he’s seemingly dead for real now. But while this is certainly a shocking reveal, it also reveals some interesting new information about the spiders. They’re tied to control. You see, throughout the episode Ronald and other kids…didn’t necessarily feel like they were being controlled, but just…urged to do things that they usually wouldn’t do. And while I’m glad that an eldritch god still cares about good hygiene and morals…kind of, this was still creepy as fuck, and at the end, Ronald is DEFINITELY being mind controlled as he head into Raymond’s basement. (Side note: I will never not think of Micheal whenever there’s mentions of a creepy door opening.) So this is clearly another power of Raymond’s, but it also applies to the spiders in general. For example, in Arachnophobia, Carlos Vittery was forced to kill the spider from his childhood over and over again, until eventually meeting a fate…very similar to his friends. In Children of the Night, Trevor felt a very similar compulsion when he met the anonymous lady filled with spiders, and Jonathan Archivist Sims himself was compelled to smash a spider on his wall for…no apparent reason, which then led to the worst day of his life (so far.) And while these incidents didn’t involve spiders all that much, need I remind you that Ivo Lensik destroyed the tree out of a strange compulsion, and that Edwin Burroughs said words against his will, and both of those incidents took place at Hill Top Road. So…yeah, the spiders definitely have this interesting relationship with control, and as much as I like to and still will do my best to connect Micheal to everything (please come back baby I miss you so much)…I might unfortunately have to agree with Not!Sasha describing the pattern on the table as a web. I no longer think she was just saying that due to her personal relationship with it…I think she was telling the truth. So yeah! Raymond Fielding was a shitty spider man with mind control powers, how delightful! But while this is…obviously very terrifying, we can at least find some solace in the fact that there was one person who could combat him. That person was dear old Agnes. Holy shit, where to begin with Agnes.

Like I said, I was initially unnerved by Agnes, even in this episode. I thought that Raymond was a sweet old man who ended up being one of Agnes’ numerous victims. Now, while she is still a little bit spooky, I realize that the truth was the stark opposite. Agnes showed up at Hill Top Road two months before Ronald was to “leave”, which seems to discredit the idea that Raymond was her actual father, unless his motivation for murdering children was divorce. If she’s not his actual daughter, then her appearance there is all the more strange, because…why? Well, either way, I’m glad she showed up, because before Ronald left, she gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. And later on, right before he was about to become a spider nest, said cheek erupted in hot searing pain, and broke him from Raymond’s control. This shows us that Agnes was a hero, and hopefully means that no children after Ronald died…although I’d still be cautious of that assumption. But this gets me thinking about Agnes’ power. You see, I initially thought Hill Top Road was associated with Asag, due to the whole heat thing going on. Now, you’d assume that after this episode I’d come to the conclusion that the house is haunted by the spiders, but hear me out for a second…why not both? Agnes herself is anything but a servant of the spiders, and has these connections to heat, so what if there’s actually TWO beings haunting Hill Top Road. Both Asag and the spiders reside there, residual forces left behind by Agnes and Raymond, who burn and control those who come into their house. It’s interesting that someone so young could forge a connection to such a powerful and horrific force, and I have to wonder if she even connects to that mysterious cult at all, since she doesn’t seem to be a member. Either way, it’s very interesting that we now have two members of ✨the horrors✨ who are weak to heat and fire…makes me wonder more about how The Flesh Hive and the spiders are connected…also why the hell was Raymond a churchgoer if he was clearly worshiping something else? Or was he not? Was it all just a ruse to keep the neighbor’s suspicions at bay? Or was the church also full of spider worshippers? Is that why the neighbors all hated the children? WHAT THE FUCK WAS GOING ON IN THIS HOUSE?! …did you know that Basira’s colleague Daisy mentioned spider husk people in MAG 43? Idk, where else am I going to mention that? So yeah, Agnes was definitely a much better person then I anticipated…but this relationship between her and Raymond still leaves a lot to be desired. While this episode sheds a lot of light on what was going on when Hill Top Road was still a halfway house…there’s also quite a bit that needs to be unpacked about it’s future. There’s a lot left to understand. And I am GOING to understand.

So, welcome to the ✨theoretical timeline of Raymond Fielding’s halfway house on Hill Top Road, Oxford until further notice✨, starting after Ronald Sinclair escaped from his spidery clutches. So, according to Anna Kasuma, all of the children left (or were killed) when Agnes was 18 or 19, with it just being her or Raymond in the house, so that’s roughly eight years after she first arrived and started saving people, starting off with Ronald. …And that also means that she was there past the age she was supposed to leave, making her appearance there blatantly different from that of every other child. Now, Raymond clearly knew that something was…off with Agnes, and I doubt it would’ve taken him eight whole years to realize how she was helping people. So why didn’t he just…kill her? Well, Ronald thought that Raymond was afraid of her, and I’m inclined to agree. If Agnes’ power was capable of severing the control over the kids, then I think it’s safe to say that Raymond knew not to trifle with her out of fear for his own life. I think they spent the next eight years locked in a stalemate, where Raymond kept on trying to kill his kids (that is a sentence), and Agnes kept on trying to save them. (lmao, imagine being weak in the face of an eleven year old, get fucked bozo). It’s said that around this time, Raymond went missing, followed by local pets and a five year old boy. Now, Burned Out made me suspect Agnes was behind this, and I mean…that could still be the case. I can’t say with certainty that Agnes was 100% good, I mean she does have eldritch god powers and looks like the twins from The Shining. But…I still think this was Raymond’s doing. Because, think about it for a moment. Raymond’s body was found in his house, meaning that he couldn’t have gone far. And according to Ronald, he was a recluse who never left the house outside of church, to the point where neighbors would often worry about him. If Raymond simply stopped going to church, which he very well could’ve given that there was no one to go with at this point, then people might’ve just proclaimed him missing because they never saw him anymore. So, maybe those pets and that young boy ended up becoming his new prey now that the house was almost empty. And while I can excuse child murder, I draw the line at animal cruelty. Fuck you Raymond, everyone hates you. (If you’re wondering why I hate him so much more than any other antagonist so far…I don’t know, I need someone to vehemently hate so it might as well be him.) Anyways, it was after the disappearance of the young boy that the house burned down, and I’m inclined to attribute this to Agnes due to her likely connections to Asag. I think she burned the house down, killing Raymond in the process, and fled with his severed hand for…some reason. However, due to the fact that the place was home to two servants of eldritch gods…things probably god freaky. Whatever powers Raymond and Agnes served still lay dormant in that abandoned house to this day, burning and controlling whoever walks inside, explaining what happened to Ivo and Edwin. Finally, we have the matter of Raymond and Agnes’ fates, along with…that tree. That damned tree. I…still have no idea what the fuck is up with this thing. It’s like…THE thing that this episode avoided giving answers on. Still though, I’ll try to rationalize what I can, although this is where my thoughts get a lot more muddy.

So, Raymond seemingly persisted as ghost into the future, and I personally think he was tied to the tree. It would explain why the tree was bleeding, and also why his box was underneath it, although why, when, and how he was tethered to it, as well as who tethered him to it and put the box underneath (who is most likely Agnes but that’s still subject to change), is a complete mystery. Either way, I think Ivo’s destruction of the tree and box, Edwin’s exorcism, or both is what led to Raymond truly dying, explaining why what is presumably his hand was found to have died on the day Ivo and Edwin visited. This is very very speculative, but it’s the best I can do when trying to rationalize the timeline. As for Agnes…she’s even MORE difficult to pin down! I initially said that I think Agnes Montague is not the same person as the Agnes from Hill Top Road, but is still related, likely biologically. This is because she was of an age much younger than Hill Top’s Agnes should’ve been. However, I will concede that there’s a slight possibility she is the ghost of Hill Top’s Agnes in the same way as Raymond, explaining why she looks 26, as she wouldn’t have really aged. However, I think there are a few flaws in this way of thinking. First of all, assuming that Hill Top burned down around the time Agnes was 18 or 19, the chances of her being 26 and dying in the burnt down house are ultimately hard to pin down. It’s not impossible for that to be the case, but I can’t be certain. Secondly, I’m playing by traditional ghost rules when discussing Raymond, in that I believe he was bound to the tree, and the house by extension. But Ms. Montague was found dead in a Sheffield, so she can’t really work in the same way as Raymond in this scenario. And finally, Ms. Montague had an actual tangible body after death, where as Raymond, assuming he only truly died after Ivo and Edwin arrived, did not as far as I am aware. So the idea of Agnes also truly dying due to Ivo and Edwin’s actions seems a bit far fetched to me. So, I’m still sticking with my original theory here. That theory is that Agnes Montague is a descendant of the Agnes on Hill Top Road, who was given Raymond’s hand, and died on the same day Ivo tore down the tree for mysterious reasons. And…that’s about it! In short, Raymond and Agnes were quietly beefing with each other for eight years, give or take, Agnes burnt down Hill Top Road, killing Raymond and stealing his hand, left behind two eldritch gods, a creepy tree and Raymond’s ghost, said ghost was dealt with when Ivo Lensik and Edwin Burroughs visited the dilapidated house, and Agnes Montague, a descendant of Hill Top Agnes, hung herself on that same day with Raymond’s hand on her waist. This is…extremely bold of me to make. I only do this because much like Micheal, Hill Top Road is something that is very clearly important with tons of connections to other things, but is also extremely difficult to rationalize at the moment. So…I’m just going to take whatever headcanons I have on Hill Top as fact when writing these until further notice, and then use those headcanons to craft theories that’ll probably end up being wrong. Overall, there is still a lot to learn and a lot of questions to be answered. Like, what’s Raymond’s history? What’s his motivations? What’s Agnes’ history and her motivations? What happened when Ronald left? What is up with the GOD. FORSAKEN. TREE?! All of this is very interesting and I’m very excited, but also terrified of uncovering the truth behind this creepy house and its creepy residents. …But do you want to know what the funny things is. We’re STILL. NOT. DONE. Because there is one last thing. One thing that I have neglected to mention. The thing that from now on will haunt my every waking moment until death. The fearsome, gruesome, UTTERLY TERRIFYING…

tabel :-)

Let me just start off by saying that: I WAS SO FUCKING RIGHT!!! One of if not my single oldest standing theory I’ve had while listening was that the box underneath the tree was the missing piece of the table, and finally, after FIFTY-ONE episodes of waiting for the answer, I FINALLY HAVE IT CONFIRMED. THAT IS SO FUCKING GRATIFYING YOU HAVE NO IDEA. Part of why I love this episode is because it really makes it feel like I’ve gotten to a point where so much is starting to come together, and that tiny little reveal was just the icing on the cake for me. But enough gloating…this stupid piece of wood. WHY MUST YOU HAUNT EVERY LITTLE CREVICE I TRY TO HIDE IN YOU SICK FREAK?! So…this is an interesting episode in regards to the table, in that it is the only one to have it, while also not featuring the impersonator. Now, I can think of a few reasons for this. You see, Not!Sasha described the pattern on the table as a web, which I do believe now due to Raymond’s powers, but there’s also a lot that suggests she said that because the table has trapped her, she must go wherever it goes. So, it’s possible that at this point in time she just…wasn’t bound to it. However, it’s worth noting that in all statements that feature the impersonator, the box is missing from the center. So maybe the impersonator was inside the table, but due to the presence of the box, its bindings were even stronger than usual, to the point where it couldn’t even take anyone. And as for the final potential theory, which is COMPLETE crack; I just think it would be kind of cool if maybe the impersonator was like…the souls of all of the children being used as egg sacks. Like they all got sucked into the table, and start taking over other people’s lives in order to get their own ones back. There’s like…a two percent chance that this is the case but I thought it was an interesting idea. Ultimately, all this really does is make the timeline more confusing…and also makes me think the impersonator doesn’t have a good relationship with spiders. And speaking of which, I feel like it’s worth mentioning how Raymond utilizes the table himself. I think his having everyone gather around it on Sundays was basically his way of keeping control over them, and that maybe the table was what gave him this ability in the first place. Since it’s capable of binding the impersonator on its own, maybe he learned how to harness its power and use it on the children. It’s also pretty clear that the apple in the box is what ultimately caused all of those kids to die and become egg sacks…but given how Ivo destroyed the thing I don’t know if we have to worry about that anymore. But I think the biggest takeaway from all of this is that the table is a weapon. It can be used for good purposes like binding the impersonator (which has backfired multiple times but like…it’s better than just letting it run rampant), but can also be used for sinister purposes like mind control. And given how it’s in the institute as we speak…well, I can only hope that it’ll be used for good going forward. But…UGH there’s so much that its presence here opens up! Like, how do Breekon and Hope fit into all of this? At what point did they bring the table to Graham Folger and then the institute? How many other people was it brought to, if at all. Why was the box separated from it? And why didn’t Jon mention it post-statement?! I….SSTFYGFTUUJGREEERTTYYUUIIUIKJFEWWERYUKKKLL!!!!

Well…that was certainly an episode of The Magnus Archives, a podcast distributed by Rusty Quill, and licensed under a Creative Commons attribution non-commercial share alike 4.0 international license. There is a LOT that I did not touch on in this episode, and probably a bajillion things that haven’t even occurred to me. Hopefully though, I’ll touch on those in the future when they’re appropriate to bring up. And like I said, Hill Top Road is like another Micheal to me (oh god…the table…and the fractals with Ivo’s dad OH NO) with how it just feels like it connects to EVERYTHING. The history of this house, Raymond, Agnes and just…everything that surrounds it is so mystifying to me. I feel as if I’m staring into the face of an endless void as we speak, and I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not. Hopefully I will get answers regarding this house soon, but for now…uuuuggghhhh someone save me before I have to give in and become a Jon kinnie. Oh, and speaking of Jon, what about the post-statement and supplemental? Well, we learn that for whatever reason, information regarding Hill Top Road has been largely lost or damaged, which is…concerning. I get the feeling that further information on this house must be…pretty heavy stuff if it’s all been destroyed. Jon also mentions Martin’s fondness for spiders here, which we already knew about but…it’s a bit more strange to me nowadays. I don’t want to be too suspicious of him, especially after he delivered the most legendary plot twist of all time, but I still find it to be an interesting little quirk of his. Lastly, we learn in the supplemental that everyone’s avoiding Jon. And while I do feel bad for him, truly…yeah no shit. I mean I’m sorry sweetheart but you’re not exactly being subtle in your investigations, you shouldn’t be all that surprised by this. …oh dear god. I reach the mid season finale tomorrow…please just be somewhat digestible….

Supplemental: oooooohhhh spooky

- Episode 60, The Observer Effect🪞

Statement of Rosa Meyer, concerning a persistent feeling of being watched.

Well…here it is. The mid-season finale of Season 2. Now, while this episode isn’t quite as grand and shocking to me as Desecrated Host, it is a very, VERY intriguing one. The statement is one of, if not the shortest one yet, which is fair as it needs to make room for the fairly lengthy supplemental, but it does seemingly help to further verify a few of my theories, brings up some interesting new ideas, has some VERY a interesting implications on a thematic level, and it definitely feels like it’s pushing the story into…I guess, another phase or something like that. While I think that this is a solid way to end off the first half of the season, I might not have as much to say about the plot of the statement as I do for some others, as while it is definitely very intriguing, it doesn’t have nearly as many shocking revelations as an episode like the last one for example, just adds to some things that were already implied or suspected. But that’s absolutely fine! Hell, I think I needed something to take my mind off of piecing together Hill Top Road lore, so this is more than welcome. But enough preamble, let’s get into the episode that was…oddly personal to me, but like…personal in a really weird way…yeah…

So, I kind of just want to start off by answering why this episode was so…personal to me. Because it’s really weird. It’s not personal in the same way episodes like Lost in the Crowd or Personal Space are, as while this episode did scare me quite a bit, it wasn’t on a deep, psychologically personal level. No, the reason it’s personal is just a lot more simple. It’s personal because not only do I live in Norwich, (which isn’t that big of a deal, I mean it was bound to show up in tma eventually)…but my dad edits for BBC Look East. …The same show Rosa Meyers, the protagonist of this episode, presented for. So like, this episode doesn’t affect me that deeply, but it just felt…WEIRDLY targeted by how well it lined up with a notable part of my family and I’s lives, and that’s already gained this episode a special place in my heart. Ok, that’s enough of revealing personal details that’ll hopefully not bite me in the ass during future job applications. What about the actual plot of the statement? Starting off, can I get a YIPPEE for our FOURTH cold opening in a row?! HOORAY FOR TRAUMA!!! The whole opening segment…is just so incredibly well performed on Jonny’s part. He always does a great job portraying statement givers in distress, but honestly, this single scene might just be the second best example of this after, like, all of Hive. He REALLY sold how distressed Rosa was when giving this statement, and I fully believed that she was spiraling and breaking down as she wrote it. I’m also really happy that the episode allows this whole breakdown to take up a decent amount of time, as not only does it hint at Rosa being a…somewhat unusual statement giver, but it also helps to drive home what I believe is the main point of the episode, although I’ll get into that later. Anyways, the opening is great, and honestly managed to tap into my own fears of being watched with how visceral the voice acting was. Going forward, we learn about how Rosa gained this feeling after doing inventory for her deceased brother’s estate. And based on the way she described his stroke, as well as what he was involved with…I mean yeah I doubt he died normally. The man was clearly digging very deep into things he probably shouldn’t have, so I think that “stroke” was actually something much more sinister. Oddly enough, his death reminds me of that of Ivo’s father in Episode 8, and Paul McKenzie in Episode 27, both of whom died in seemingly normal ways that had much more sinister undertones. I was also a little bit unnerved by her sibling-rivalry comments on Christopher, which I’m 99% sure doesn’t mean anything, but…Lost Johns’ Cave did things to me so….yeah. Anyways, we also learn here that Christopher Meyers was doing research into ancient religious artifacts, which is obviously…a very interesting thing to mention given the presence of cults and artifacts throughout the podcast. He even wrote about vampires at one point too… This weirdness is backed up later when we learn that he was doing research into “outer cults” and their practices, which I can only assume refers to things like The Divine Host, The Cult of Asag, The Other Circus and more. All of it seems to further suggest that the driving force behind this plot is a war between ✨the horrors✨. It’s all very peculiar, and given his mysterious death…as well as the fact we learn he was consulting with The Magnus Institute for unknown reasons, I definitely think that Christopher Meyer will hold some significance later. This statement was given in 1972, meaning that not even James Wright, Elias’ predecessor, would’ve been in charge at this point, and it’s very possible that Gertrude wasn’t either. So I assume it’ll be fairly hard to dig up information on Christopher…but it’s interesting nonetheless.

Anyways, going back to Rosa, it’s here that she opens one of Christopher’s boxes, and finds the note and mirror that lead to her being watched and gaining extreme paranoia. (By the way, I learned after listening that the title of the episode refers to a phenomenon where you alter the behavior/state of whatever you see, simply by just observing it. Just thought that was pretty cool.) Admittedly, I’m not all that concerned about the note and the mirror in terms of what they could do. The mirror’s shattered now, and either the note can’t act without the mirror or is just kind of creepy, so I’m more concerned about where exactly Christopher even got it…and what it might’ve done to him. Breekon, Hope and Mikaele Salesa obviously have a reputation of handing out creepy artifacts…but I’m more concerned by the possibility he got it from The Magnus Institute itself. And unfortunately…I think that might be the case. You see, this mirror and Rosa’s following experiences have to be tied to the eye horror, because what else it going to be? This horror has always stuck out to me because of how little it seems to show up compared to other ones…but maybe that’s by design. This thing is an observer, a spectator by nature, so it naturally doesn’t get involved all that much, unless someone directly triggers it to, or it’s being…carried around by someone like Gerard. And I think that nature is why it connects to The Magnus Institute, why it likely makes its home there, because the institute is the means through which we are told these stories. Most of the people who are working there don’t directly connect back to the statements themselves (at least as far as we know and with the exception of Not!Sasha), so they are therefore also just outsiders who observe the story, collecting knowledge but not really trying to get too involved. So if we have this spectator being that usually doesn’t get involved unless someone walks directly into its domain…well, where else would Christopher have gotten that mirror? It lines up pretty nicely with Crusader as well, since Walter Heller was haunted by what was seemingly the same being after stumbling into an older archive. So yeah…while the mirror itself doesn’t scare me much, the circumstances behind it definitely do. Following Rosa’s encounter with the mirror, she ends up dealing with extreme paranoia and loses her job, eventually bringing her to giving her statement, in hopes of learning more about what’s happening to her, and her brother’s involvement, ending the story. Now while this episode definitely provides some intrigue here and there, especially regarding the eye horror…it is still pretty short and simple. Not a bad thing at all, I still thought it was very solid and chilling, but outside of connections to the eyes, which are clearly VERY important…it doesn’t seem as grandiose as the halfway point of Season 1. However, I still think it works for one reason, that being how Rosa parallels, and potentially foreshadows Jon.

Throughout this episode, there was just…a lot of really weird similarities between Jon and Rosa that really scared me, maybe even more than anything confirmed in the statement itself. The most obvious similarity between them is their sheer amounts of paranoia, which is at the very least partially stemmed from the fact that they are both being watched, likely by the exact same thing. …This unknown observer genuinely terrifies me with how mysterious they are. They both have gotten increasingly paranoid, doing whatever they can to get answers on the things that haunt them, start mistrusting people or things in their job that were once familiar to them (which makes Elias stating they don’t want to fire him VERY upsetting), and it’s gotten to the point where both of them have caused some level of harm to others. These parallels might not mean much, outside of the obvious connections it provides between Jon and the thing that watched Rosa 24/7, but I think it’s what makes this ultimately work really well as a mid-season finale. We’ve witnessed Jon get progressively more and more unhinged as the season goes on, going as far as to stalk his coworkers, suspect them of murder, and break into Gertrude’s flat, and these parallels, combined with the supplemental which I’ll get to later, really do drive home how far the listener has come, and it feels like a nice way to end the first half. But…there is one thing about these parallels that worries me more than anything else. You see, Rosa apparently murdered a delivery van driver named Danilo Costich, who was seemingly delivering stationary to the institute, threw out the stationary, and replaced it with petrol before stealing the truck. Not only is this very reminiscent of Gertrude’s actions in Crusader (which kind of creates a parallel triangle between Rosa, her and Jon)but it’s clearly meant to tell us that Rosa had plans of blowing up The Magnus Institute, likely due to the fact she felt more watched in the institute than anywhere else, and figured her observer was in there. This is already worrying enough on its own…but when you consider how her story seems to parallel Jon….it makes me really worried that he’ll end up doing something very very stupid sooner rather than later, something that may hurt his colleagues. And there’s one last thing that bothered me. Despite how similar Rosa’s situation was to his…Jon didn’t bother to even draw any attention to that, even though his voice was a little bit shakier than usual. This has been a weird pattern of his recently, one very evident in cases like him neglecting to mention the table in Hill Top Road. It’s gotten to the point where I don’t feel like it’s unintentional, I think it’s a case where Jon, while not exactly in denial like he was in Season 1, is just trying not to draw attention to the things that affect him directly, in order to keep what little sanity he has left. …All in all I’m very scared for him. So…yeah. That’s The Observer Effect. This is a very intriguing episode, it’s short and sweet, but it’s brought me back to some ideas I’ve neglected in the past, and is absolutely one of the most thematically rich episodes for me so far. It’s really making me think about this anonymous watcher…how it feels like everyone in the institute is its puppet. Well, hopefully the second half of the season will give some big answers, but I’ll just have to wait and see in the meantime.

Look…I know it’s a unfortunate situation. I know it’s a result of Jon falling so deep into paranoia and insanity that he’s hurting both himself and the people around him. I know that it really hurts to see that he’s fallen this far, and that his relationships with people who may have once been his friends have fallen apart this much, to the point where he can’t trust them and they can’t trust him. I understand it’s a terrible result of trauma and that we hate to see everyone write off his paranoia as folly when there is at least one eldritch monster among them. But…if I’m being honest…thank GOD they finally gave him an intervention. Like HOLY SHIT this was long overdue. So yeah, as much as this supplemental did kind of hurt to listen to…it’s probably for the best that it happened in the first place. But on top of that, it comes with some pretty interesting revelations that’ll likely change the course of the season from here on out. Starting off, I’m absolutely insane about how Jon recorded the intervention that was regarding him recording things. That is…so uniquely him. I’m also insane about how despite everything that’s happened…Martin was still decently nice to him. Just…can someone please give him all of the riches in the world? Admittedly, this intervention does really show how damaged Jon’s relationships with everyone else have become, but Martin’s behavior here at least gives me hope that they’ll be able to get on amicable terms in the future. (maybe even…kiss…) I also really enjoyed the part where Jon mentioned monsters being out there, and cuts himself off before suggesting any of them might be one…oh god that hurts considering Not!Sasha but it’s so good. Oh yeah, and Not!Sasha continues to be a dirty little liar in the worst ways possible. Don’t get me wrong, I think she’s kind of a vibe, but…”we care about you Jon” and “let’s have no more of this paranoia” made me want to punch her so badly you have no idea. …I kind of hate the fact that I’m getting used to her being around. All in all it’s just a really unfortunate but extremely well written scene. Even though we don’t get to see much of the archival assistants and Elias in Season 1 overall, you can really tell how much things have worsened after Jane showed up, and…it hurts. I hope that Jon will be able to repair his relationships with everyone, but logically speaking I really don’t know if that’s going to happen anytime soon. …There is one last thing, however, that I find very intriguing. That is obviously how Elias gave Jon the CCTV footage of the week Gertrude died. This…seemingly proves that Gertrude was not murdered by anyone in the archives, and Jon starts suspecting that she was murdered by whatever is in the tunnels. Now, I could honestly see this as a red herring. After all, I’ve suspected Elias ever since the cause of death was revealed, and he was the guy who gave Jon the footage, so for all we know he could be obscuring things…but I’m honestly not all that sure. The being in the tunnels is a…complete mystery as of now, like I genuinely have no idea who or what it might be, nor do I know who’s apparently sneaking in when Jon isn’t looking. (My best guess is Not!Sasha but part of me thinks it could be Tim since he was the first person to find them.) In all honesty, I’m now open to multiple interpretations. I don’t feel like I can be fully on board with this theory of Jon’s until we learn more about the tunnels, but I am definitely a lot more open to the idea of the killer being someone outside the institute now. I also found it interesting how Gertrude was described as constantly going in and out, looking frantic. After he broke into her flat, I’ve come to the conclusion that Jon and Gertrude were more similar than he would like to admit, so I definitely think she was dealing with her own paranoia sometime before death, and this nearly confirms it for me. It’s also interesting how there aren’t any cameras in the archives…despite that being the room where all of Gertrude’s blood was found…hm…also when is Jon going to find her laptop?

Overall…this feels like a pretty substantial change. It doesn’t reveal much new information…but it feels like it’s sort of changed the direction of the story. I suspect that in the second half of the season, we’ll get more information on the tunnels, Jon will turn away from suspecting his employees…a bit, (which is concerning given the existence of Not!Sasha but…I digress…) and he’ll probably start digging in other directions to find Gertrude’s killer. I think we’ll get more insight into the members of the archival team going forward, and hopefully, there’ll be some big answers around the time of the finale. But, only time will tell. In conclusion, I thought this was a very satisfying mid-season finale. It’s different from what I was expecting, but I think it serves as a nice way to segue from one half to another, and it definitely pushes the story in new directions. But…I’m more concerned for Jon than ever holy shit…

Supplemental: I just recently had a thought regarding Not!Sasha and the table. For a long time, I’ve assumed that the table, and by extension the spiders, are like her captor, and while I do still think that makes the most sense…I did think of a potential alternative. You see, I’ve compared her to the anatomy students quite a bit, and the anatomy students have a lot of apple symbolism…which might be relevant given the presence of the apple in Hill Top Road. I still think she has more connections to The Anglerfish than anything else, and that the table is her enemy…but it’s interesting food for thought regardless.

OH MY GOD I’M FINALLY FINISHED. Wow…that was…excruciatingly long. Like, it was fun, I’m very proud of the work I’ve put in but LORD ALMIGHTY. So yeah…I’ve somehow reached the halfway point of The Magnus Archives Season 2! It’s…genuinely kind of insane to me that not only have I made it this far…but that I’m in the mental state I am because of it. Like, I knew this was going to be my new big thing as soon as I listened to Do Not Open, but…WOW. This has absolutely taken over my life and brain, and…it’s just…HOW DID I GET FROM A CREEPY GUY ASKING FOR A CIGARETTE TO…ALL OF THIS?! AND WHY AM I TALKING THIS MUCH ABOUT IT?! Overall…I am simultaneously anticipating and dreading what comes next. This season has already been significantly more packed with insane shit than all of Season 1, so I am NOT PREPARED for whatever comes out of it in this next half. Anyways, thank you so much for making it to the end, you have no idea how much it means to me, and I hope you’ll be around for the next post, where I’ll be covering episodes 61-70! Bye! :)

Supplemental Supplemental: Ok there is actually one last thing that popped into my head just now. I’ve taken some time to dwell on it since Still Life, and I’ve come to the conclusion that if The Anglerfish isn’t directly worshipped by The Other Circus, then it’s probably just a smaller branch of whatever it does worship. I think I just needed to stop being set on the idea of The Anglerfish being one of the big bads, because as mysterious and inscrutable as it is, it is entirely possible that it’s a lesser monster more on the level of…vampires or something. So, here is my current list of ✨the horrors✨, updated for Season 2B, now with some potential servants listed as well!

- The Flesh Hive (6, 22, 26, 32, 39, 40, 45, 55)

Servants Include: Jane Prentiss, John Amherst

- The Vast (4, 21, 46, 51, 57?)

Servants Include: Mike Crew, The Fairchilds

- The Piper (7, 42?)

Servants Include: Maybe Alfred Grifter?

- Asag (8, 12, 19, 20, 37, 43, 59)

Servants Include: Diego Molina, Arthur Nolan, Agnes

- The Spiders (8, 16, 19, 20, 38, 59)

Servants Include: Raymond Fielding

- The Darkness (9, 25, 52, 57?)

Servants Include: The Divine Host…In General…

- The Observer (12, 20, 23, 53, 60)

Servants Include: Gerard Keay, Potentially all of The Keays, The Alexandrian Archivist, Potentially the entire Archival Team?

- Isolation Thing (13, 33, 57)

Servants Include: The Lukas Family…In General…

- Meat and Bones (14, 17, 18, 30, 49, 58)

Servants Include: Angela, Jared Hopworth, Tom Haan, Eustace Wick

- Compression (15, 41, 50)

Servants Include: George Gilbert Scott, The Governor, Maybe Laura Popham, Maybe whatever is in the tunnels

- The Anglerfish (or something close to it) (1, 24, 28, 44, 54)

Servants Include: The Other Circus, Breekon & Hope, Sarah Baldwin, Daniel Rawlings

- Micheal (8, 26, 47)

Servants Include: …Himself? idk (:/)

- The Master of The Reapers (29)

Servants Include: The Reapers…duh…

And then there’s probably something else I’m missing. Or maybe not idk. Ok, goodbye for real now! :)

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wyattjohnston · 1 year

Text

you always did feel just like home - nathan mackinnon

summary: valorie hadn't meant to be away from nova scotia for so long, and she hadn't meant to immediately insert herself back into nate's life. mysterious how the universe works.

word count: 11,365

warning: not exactly healthy alcohol consumption

note: it is finally time for me to put my money where my mouth is and post my exchange fic instead of just bothering everybody else! this is written for the winter fic exchange 2k23 and i wrote it for cait (hey @blueskrugs that's you)! i hope you like it! thanks to @matthewtkachuk, @comphy-and-cozy @farbutnevergone & @laurenairay who have all provided feedback as this grew to be a lot longer than anticipated.

Valorie hadn’t intended to be late and it meant that she was immediately the centre of attention when she walked into the café. She spotted the table of her friends that was discretely to the side and out of the way, though that discretion flew out the window when Amber and Valorie squealed as they saw each other.

They rushed to close the distance, throwing their arms around one another in a hug that only remained upright because Mike was standing close enough by to keep them that way. Valorie, after pulling away from Amber, greeted Mike with a more subdued but no less friendly hug.

Neither Mike nor Amber were who she’d noticed first, though, because the third person at the table was Nathan MacKinnon and he was a man who was impossible to miss.

Despite how much she wanted to step forward and greet him in the exact same way, Valorie wasn’t sure where the boundaries were, so she opted for saying, “I would have thought you’d be far too good to hang out with us lowly commoners.”

Nate smirked, looking as if he’d been expecting it, but it wasn’t him who spoke next.

“We haven’t seen you half as much as him in the last seven years,” Mike said, thumping his hand across Nate’s broad chest. Valorie was momentarily distracted by just how broad it was; those years had been very good to him.

Mike continued, “Dogg knows where he came from.”

“Yes, yes, I’m the worst,” Valorie said with an eyeroll as she pushed everyone back to their seats. Nate paused for long enough that Valorie greeted him with a hug and a lingering kiss on his cheek.

Valorie sat opposite Nate, tucking her legs underneath her own chair to avoid accidentally entangling them with his—the length of his was a memory firmly engrained in her mind.

Immediately it became clear that the conversation was not going to trend towards the Cup like she’d been hoping. It was far and away the most exciting thing she could think of for any of them to talk about, but she supposed that everyone had had the same thought since Nate arrived back in Nova Scotia.

Instead, Amber lifted Valorie’s wrist to get a closer inspection of the bracelet she was wearing and the boys leant in, too.

“Got to keep the jewellery, I see,” Amber said, her voice slightly awed. Valorie couldn’t blame her.

“Everything but the car,” Valorie said. “It would have been useless up here anyway. Definitely not meant for winter tyres.”

“You should have kept it and flipped it,” Mike said, tapping against the table in thought. “An Audi, wasn’t it?”

“Porsche.”

Mike whistled low and impressed, Nate’s eyebrow twitched—Valorie almost missed it—and he leaned back in his seat. Valorie could only imagine what cars Nate was driving around Colorado or Nova Scotia. As nice as her Porsche was, she was sure it paled in comparison.

Valorie pulled back her hand, hiding it away under the table to stop Amber playing with it any longer.

“You still wear what he bought you?” Nate asked, his voice curiously tight as his eyes flicked between her face and where the bracelet was hidden under the table.

Valorie thought for a moment, cataloguing everything she had put on that morning. “I think everything I’m wearing was a gift from him. It wasn’t a bad break up; no bad memories associated with any of it.”

Until that moment, Valorie had been perfectly comfortable with the idea of it—her entire wardrobe had been bought by her ex so she didn’t have much choice anyway, but under Nate’s careful gaze every inch of fabric felt suffocatingly heavy.

“Why did you break up?” Amber asked. “It sounds perfect.”

“I wanted to come home,” Valorie answered simply, one shoulder rising in a shrug as she tried to casually avoid eye contact with her friends.

“He had enough money; you could have come home whenever you wanted.”

“What? You think I’ve been back, like, twice in seven years because that’s what I wanted?” Valorie asked, somewhat viciously, directing her words and the accompanying glare at Mike. “There was always someone to meet, something to do, somewhere to be and I couldn’t ever get away. I missed home.”

Mike, rightfully chastened, lowered himself down in his chair just enough to let Valorie know he regretted what he’d said. Nate and Amber were sitting in an awkward silence and Valorie had to speak just to move them along.

She continued, “And I was bored as hell. I was asked if I’d be interested in the Real Housewives of Miami reboot and if I stayed much longer I would have said yes just to have something to do.”

Amber’s laugh was raucous, eliciting the same from Valorie, and she said, “You’re too young to be on that show.”

“That’s most of the reason I said no!” Valorie shrieked, still laughing. “That and I was actually a housewife? The other women on that show have, like, careers and are important and aren’t just sitting at home complaining about doing yoga.”

“I’d watch a show that was you doing yoga.”

Three heads turned to Nate, all barking out surprised laughs at his deadpan voice accompanied by the casual expression that remained on his face—almost as if he hadn’t said anything at all.

Mike thumped Nate across the chest, as he’d done earlier, and said, “We all know you would, Nate.”

“That’s really it, though?” Nate pressed on, not even looking at Mike as he thumped him back, “You couldn’t come up with a schedule where you got to come home more?”

“It wasn’t going to work,” Valorie said firmly. Nate tilted his head but was kind enough to not press her any further.

Despite all the talk of Valorie living a lavish lifestyle, when it came to ordering food she was conservative with her money. She didn’t have a choice when that money was coming out of her own, not very large bank account. It didn’t matter in the end, because Nate quickly took over and promised that he’d pay after ordering a ludicrous amount of food all the while flicking his gaze to Valorie every few seconds.

After they’d finished eating—having spent so long that it was clear they were only being allowed to stay because they were with Nate—Mike and Amber hurried off before they were late to see Amber’s parents, leaving Nate and Valorie on the sidewalk out the front.

“Where are you living?” Nate asked, his keys twirling in his hands. “Do you want a ride?”

Valorie nodded, surprised but please, “Oh, yeah, thank you. I’m staying with my parents. They haven’t moved.”

He didn’t say anything as he started moving towards the parking lot behind the café. It hadn’t changed much since they were 16, slowly walking back to Nate’s second-hand truck after a date neither of them really wanted to end.

“You’re back with your parents?”

“I haven’t had a job in seven years, nobody will hire me, and nobody will let me lease a house without pay cheques so…”

“That’s rough.”

“It’s fine,” she insisted. Nate’s face screwed up, so she added, “I still get on with my parents so it’s really fine.”

The Porsche Cayenne he led her to wasn’t so much a surprise, given the dealership that would have jumped at the chance to have one of their vehicles driven by Stanley Cup Champion Nathan MacKinnon—it was, however, a reminder of the 911 she’d left behind in Miami.

Of everything she’d left behind in Miami.

They were sitting in the Cayenne out the front of Valorie’s parents’ house, her hand on the door handle, when Nate said, “I’ve got room at my place if you want it.”

“That’s really sweet of you, Nate,” she smiled back at him, appreciative, “but I don’t have any money to pay rent.”

Valorie opened the door and looked back into the car when she was standing upright, to thank Nate for dropping her off.

“I don’t need rent from you.”

“Nate.”

“Just say the word, Val.”

Moving into one of Nate’s spare bedrooms was easier than Valorie had anticipated; Nate picked her up a few days after he dropped her at her parents’ home in Crichton Park, loaded some bags into the trunk and unloaded them into a bedroom with a lake front view in Grand Lake.

He’d declared that everything in the house was hers if she wanted it and raised a challenging eyebrow when she walked into the wine room and declared that she’d start with the most expensive bottle and work her way down—she knew exactly which one it was, too, even with a cursory glance at the bottles lining the walls.

“It’s probably not as nice where you lived in Miami,” Nate said as he finished the tour.

Valorie laughed, “The lovely Mediterranean Revival home that he gutted and turned into a Hypermodern nightmare so the inside and the outside clashed? The one that didn’t even have a view of the beach? I’ll miss a lot of things about Miami but that house is not one of them.”

“I didn’t know you cared about that stuff.”

“Architecture?” she clarified, waiting for Nate’s slow nod before she shrugged. “I had a lot of time to kill.”

Valorie spent most of that first day on the deck overlooking Grand Lake, it wasn’t quite warm enough for her to venture into the pool, but it was perfect to just sit and watch the water and the occasional jet-skier zip past.

Nate left her to her own devices for what might have been a few hours before he joined her and started asking questions about what she’d like for dinner so that he could head to the store.

“You gonna cook for me, Dogg?” Valorie asked, tilting her head over the back of the chair so that she could see Nate properly. “What if I want risotto?”

There was a brief moment where it looked like Nate’s brain short-circuited before he collected himself and said, “I can offer you steak or chicken breast. Salad or vegetables.”

“So many options,” Valorie said, a small laugh in her voice, as she pushed herself off the chair. “If you cook the steak, I’ll make the salad.”

“Sorry, there aren’t more options.”

“Two more than I’d be able to offer.”

The admission didn’t seem to surprise Nate, who just accepted what Valorie had said without question—Mike and Amber had surely passed on a few things about Valorie’s time in Miami and the chef she had was one of their favourite thing to bring up.

Valorie used Nate going to the store as an opportunity to wander through the house. It wasn’t as large as she was expecting, so it didn’t take very long at all—especially not when she avoided Nate’s bedroom out of respect for his privacy. She opened every cupboard in the kitchen, just to make sure she knew where everything was kept, and then unloaded the dishwasher when it beeped at her incessantly. In the fridge was an open bottle of sparkling red wine, so Valorie helped herself to a glass on the balcony while she waited for Nate to return.

The calmness of Nova Scotia was something Valorie had forgotten she’d missed until she was back; even in the height of summer, with the excitement of the Cup coming back, she was more relaxed than she’d ever been in Miami.

When Nate returned Valorie greeted him with a big smile as she raised the wine she’d poured herself—her second of the afternoon—and he returned it without hesitation.

She continued to drink as they made dinner, her easy and boring salad taking no time at all, and Nate cracked a beer while he grilled and then opened a new bottle of wine for them as they ate on the balcony overlooking the lake as the sun slowly began to set.

Despite the view she had—she’d been staring at it all day, after all—Valorie couldn’t help but watch Nate as he ate, mostly scrutinising the lines of his face that were so much different to what she once knew.

“You keep looking at me like you don’t believe I exist,” Nate said. Valorie didn’t even flinch; another two glasses of wine making her particularly carefree.

“I don’t know if I do,” she admitted, sighing as she realised that even his voice had changed. “I’ve seen you on the TV and in photos and everything but for the past seven years the image of you in my head has always been you the last summer I saw you. You were a kid and now you’re a man and I really don’t know how to deal with that.”

“Yeah,” Nate agreed, his voice a lot softer and more serious than it had been. “I know. I get it.”

Amber and Mike came over to spend time on the lake not too long into Valorie’s time with Nate. It was a perfect day, which Valorie had come to expect, and being out on the Sea Doos was the perfect way to spend it.

It was nice to have company.

Nate had taken to visiting his parents’ house if he was going to see them. He always offered for Valorie to join him, but that felt like it was encroaching on boundaries she wasn’t even sure they’d set. She’d tried, though, to get him to invite them over only to be met with a shake of the head—maybe he was worried about different boundaries being breached. Valorie didn’t know.

Amber and Mike were good company, at least. Valorie was always happy that Amber had stuck by her even when she wasn’t around. Mike… Mike she could take or leave depending on the day.

“Why’d you really leave what’s-his-face?” Mike asked, apropos of nothing and a few beers deep.

Amber glared at him, though it went unnoticed. Nate sat up a little straighter and Valorie couldn’t work out if it was Mike-related or Nick-related.

“I already told you,” Valorie said, forcing a polite twinge into her voice even if she was dreading whatever might come next.

“Yeah, but there’s gotta be more to it,” Mike argued.

“Why?”

“I love this place, but if Amber wanted to move to, I don’t know, LA and never come back I’d do it in a heartbeat. And with the money you had? Easiest decision I’ll ever make.”

“He doesn’t want kids,” she relented, though it was not without steeliness as she tried to put a definitive end to the topic. “No amount of money was worth not being a mom.”

“That’s some serious self-control,” Mike said, shaking his head almost as if he was in awe. “I can think of a lot of things I’d give up for the life you were living.”

“It’s all Valorie ever wanted,” Nate said, his voice deep and low. “She was born to be a mom.”

Valorie’s gaze moved slowly to Nate as she replayed the words in her mind. He hadn’t moved from how he’d been sitting at the start of the conversation, hadn’t even looked away from Mike. She wanted him to look at her, to make eye contact to be able to get a read on him; to see if the skip it caused in her heartbeat was for an actual reason.

“It took you seven years with this guy to work out you were on a different page?” Mike asked incredulously, earning a half-hearted shrug from Valorie who looked back to him with hesitation.

“He said he was undecided. I loved him, you know? I was willing to wait it out in the hopes that kids would be on the table.”

Mike then agreed, “I’d wait seven years if I spent the entire time being a trophy wife.”

“It wasn’t about all the material possessions,” she snapped. “I know that’s what it looked like, but I’m upset you all think I’m a gold digger.”

“If the Louboutins fit,” Mike said with an eyebrow waggle.

“We know you aren’t a gold digger,” Amber said, finally, and firmly, contributing to the conversation, “or you wouldn’t have come back.”

Mike leaned back in his chair, pointed up at Nate’s house watching over them and said, rather loudly, “Right into Nate’s sweet digs.”

His loudness was met with silence, thick and tense, and the three people that stared at him didn’t seem to bother him at all.

“Do you even like me, Mike?” Valorie asked, tired.

“Come on, Val. I’m just joking around.” He added, after a hearty hunk across the back of the head courtesy of Nate, “I’ll cool it.”

The weather had turned quite quickly and quite dramatically—what had been the perfect weather the week prior had turned so miserable that Valorie was looking out the floor to ceiling windows as if her death stare could part the black clouds.

Nate was somewhere on the island doing something hockey related that he’d told Valorie about the night before while she was half asleep on the couch, so she was, once again, left in the house to her own devices.

A second car had appeared in the garage a couple of days after her arrival and Nate had assured her that she could drive it whenever she needed; Valorie was going to avoid driving it as long as she could.

The wine room was taking more of a hit than Valorie had expected when she’d joked with Nate about drinking it all; she had very few places to go, and her mother was more than happy to drive to Grand Lake to pick her up if there were family plans so she rarely had to drive, so the day drinking was getting more out of hand than she wanted to admit. It was a similar problem to Miami, she was realising, but Nate’s house wasn’t filled with quite so many time-wasting objects and there was only so much baking she could do when Nate rarely had any visitors.

Her response to the door opening had become Pavlovian, especially since being confined inside by the rain. Valorie was on her feet, pretending to walk to the kitchen to refill her glass of red, so that she’d be able to start a conversation with Nate when he walked in.

Only, it wasn’t Nate.

“Uh… Sidney. Hi. Nate’s not here. I’m Valorie—Val,” she said, all in a rush, putting her glass on the counter and desperately hoping she didn’t have red teeth.

“Nice to see you again, Val,” Sidney said, polite and friendly. “Nate told me to let myself in; he’ll be back soon.”

The shock and awe Valorie felt being around Sidney—Sid—had disappeared after exactly one summer of learning that he was nowhere near as cool as she had built him up to be. That being said, she had not expected him to remember her for a second.

“Do you want some cookies?” she asked, quickly, noticing that Sid was hovering uncertainly. “I made way too many.”

Sid smiled, nodded, and sat down at one of the bar stools on the other side of the counter while Valorie plated up an assortment of ginger snaps, Florentines, sugar cookies and Afghan biscuits all while trying not to let the wine she’d been drinking rattle her.

“Killing the boredom of being stuck inside all day?” Sid asked, drawing the plate towards him and inspecting his choices as if she was going to stop him at one.

“It’s what I do and what I’ve done for years now.” Valorie shrugged. “I drink and I bake.”

“I hope you don’t mind if I say that sounds… underwhelming.”

“Oh, no!” Valorie gasped instantly. “I mean, I got really into yoga and reading, too. I wasn’t just some boozy housewife. I love to bake, though. I could do it all day. Wine?”

Sid agreed to a glass, and Valorie pretended that she didn’t know he was doing it so she wouldn’t be drinking alone.

“Are you happy to be back here? Back home?” Sid asked around a not-yet-finished mouthful of ginger snap. “You’ve been gone a long time.”

It was, to say the least, unnerving to have Sidney Crosby—anybody, really—sitting across from her and calling her out for being gone. They weren’t friends, like Amber and Mike, or whatever else, like Nate, and she couldn’t wrap her head around why he would care to bring it up.

She took a healthy sip of her wine, savouring the taste for longer than was strictly necessary and said, “I was always trying to get back. It just never… It was hard to get away. I’m glad to be back.”

“I’m sure the island is happy to have you back,” he said, removing the unease in Valorie’s stomach flawlessly as he looked out over the deck to the lake. “Sorry the weather didn’t hold up for you.”

“It was nice for a while,” she conceded, following Sid’s eyes, “and at least it’s the same all day. I was really not impressed by Miami deciding there was a torrential downpour every afternoon after the perfect morning. Seven years there and I never got used to it.”

Valorie moved their conversation to the couch, carrying the wine with her while Sid carried the cookies he was slowly making his way through. She let Sid talk about his off-season plans, to what he’d already done since returning to Nova Scotia, noting that he was absolutely downplaying the vacation he and Kathy had taken and skipping over the extraordinarily nice or expensive parts. She loved Antigua, knew it inside and out, but was happy to let Sid tell her what he thought was appropriate—he may have been happy to ask her why she’d been gone so long but it was clear not much more information than that had made it his way.

By the time Nate was home—his definition of ‘soon’ stretching Valorie’s just a little—she was desperate to just be anywhere that wasn’t near anyone, not just Sid and the way he knew too much yet absolutely nothing. She excused herself within moments to use the bathroom, heading downstairs to her ensuite.

On her way down the staircase, she heard, the beginning of their conversation:

“Val was just filling me in on her time in Miami.”

“She really enjoyed it, right? It sounds great.”

“That’s… one way to put it.”

Walking through Halifax with Nate by her side was an experience. He’d mentioned it in passing, that people were more interested in him than normal, but Valorie hadn’t taken it to mean it was quite so relentless.

Kids wanted their jerseys autographed, everyone wanted a photo and every other person wanted to stand there on the street with Nate and listen to him recount his entire career from Bantam to what training he’d been doing since he got back to Nova Scotia.

Their trip into Halifax had been for no reason other than the sudden realisation by Nate that Valorie hadn’t left the house in an alarming amount of time outside of her new part-time job at one of the local hobby stores, so it wasn’t like the constant stopping was preventing them from doing anything in particular.

It was, however, resulting in Valorie entering a lot of stores that she otherwise had no intention of going into just so that people could gush over Nate. And at least one purchase of a dress she didn’t need.

One person who stopped them was a classmate from high school who stopped them to question Valorie about her disappearance just as much as she stopped to gush over Nate. Valorie didn’t even remember her name and the woman hadn’t taken the time to introduce herself.

“It’s so cute that you’re back for Nate, though,” she said. “I always knew you guys would end up in the same place.”

“Well, that place is home for us, so.”

“Oh, I know, but I heard all about you in Miami and obviously Nate’s making magic in Denver so it’s just nice to see you two in the same place again.”

“Yeah, it’s great,” Nate said, nodding even as he was subtly moving out of her way and directing Valorie in the same direction. “We’ve gotta head off, though. It was great to see you again.”

“Of course, sorry! You must be so busy! We should definitely catch up!”

There was more nodding and agreeing as they walked past her, Valorie checking back over her shoulder quickly in one last attempt to help her remember?”

“What was her name?” she asked Nate when they were well out of earshot.

Nate admitted easily, his face lighting up with a guilty smile, “No fucking idea.”

Valorie walked into him as she laughed, unable to control herself as it erupted from her mouth. Nate laughed, too, the guilt shifting from his face and they were holding each other up on the sidewalk as they struggled to breath.

The laughter continued, albeit subdued, as they made their way to the one thing they’d agreed upon getting: ice cream. It was an otherwise peaceful work, seemingly already having run into everyone who wanted a few minutes of Nate’s time.

Being out in public with Nate was different to being alone with him at home, Valorie noticed, and it was different to how they’d been as teenagers. He always carried himself with a confidence that was beyond him in years, almost a quiet arrogance as he always knew where he was going to end up—Valorie would have given anything to know when the arrogance disappeared. Was it because of the Cup win? His accomplishment proof enough that he was everything he ever said he was going to be. Was it seasons earlier when it didn’t look as clear?

At the ice cream shop, Nate ordered Butterscotch ripple and then laughed under his breath as Valorie ordered Maple Walnut.

“Why is that funny?”

“You’re so Canadian.”

Noting the children around, Valorie glared at him, mouthing ‘fuck you’ before she continued out loud, “I’m going to enjoy all the maple flavoured things. You can’t stop me.”

“I wouldn’t dare. I will laugh at you, though.”

They sat on a table out the front, Nate saying hello to a few starstruck kids as they did so.

“What are you staring at?” Valorie asked, her cheeks warming up under Nate’s watchful eye.

“Just wanted to see if you were still a psycho who bites their ice cream.”

Valorie made direct eye contact with him and bit into the top of her ice cream, causing Nate to shudder dramatically.

Halifax was bustling in a way that Valorie had never seen. The decision to not have the parade in Cole Harbor was purposeful, a clear differentiation from Sid’s parades and a nice thank you to Halifax for his time with the Mooseheads.

She made her way through the crowd unimpeded, even as she headed towards the rooftop she’d been told to head to near the end of the parade route, overlooking City Hall.

Nate had let Valorie know that it was where Sid would be, hidden out of sight—a decision he’d made himself. He hadn’t even relented when Nate, drunkenly, begged him to be beside him; Valorie was grateful that Sid had the awareness to decline.

Sid was already at the rooftop with Kathy, set up with a table, chairs and some food and drink to get them through the parade and the speech Nate was going to give after.

“I hope it’s okay that I’m here,” Valorie said sheepishly, unsure if Nate had told them she’d be there. “This is where they sent me.”

“More than okay.” Sid pulled up a chair from the group of them nearby. “You didn’t want to be down there with him?”

Valorie stepped to the edge of the roof, taking in the swathes of people lined along the streets. Sid and Kathy were both watching her curiously as she turned back to them and took a seat, putting Sid in the middle.

“It wouldn’t feel right. Nate and I aren’t anything, you know.”

“That’s not true, though, is it?” Sid asked. “Or you’d be in the crowd, not up here.”

Valorie froze in her seat, only her eyes moving to follow Sid’s hand as it disappeared beside him and came back with a cooler bag that he pulled wine from.

“Do you moonlight as a shrink?”

“For Nate, yeah, I feel like I do.” He carried on, no beats missed, “I don’t have red, will white do?”

It played in her mind as she drank her wine and ate from the platter that had been set up. Nate hadn’t offered for her to be by his side—she would have turned it down immediately even if he had—and when he’d suggested she sit with Sid it felt, to her, that was the next best thing.

She wasn’t overly talkative during the wait, choosing to just stare out over the edge of the roof at the other side of the street and the people who were in nearly chaotically good spirits. She was hearing vague parts of the conversations Sid and Kathy were having, and answering questions when asked, but for the most part she was lost in the magic of the Stanley Cup being back in Nova Scotia.

Valorie had been in Cole Harbour for Sid’s 2009 Cup Parade as a small and spindly 13-year-old, watching the Cup from a distance.

That morning she’d been able to run her fingers across the engraved names.

“Is it the happiest you’ve ever been?” Valorie asked, not even bothering to quieten her voice so that Kathy wouldn’t hear. “He doesn’t talk about it as much as I thought he would.”

Sid shifted his entire body to face her and Valorie immediately felt like she was about to get a talking to; she forced herself not to shrink.

“If you want him to talk about it you have to let him know he can. I promise you he won’t shut up about it.”

“Oh. Does he think I don’t care? That’s not true,” she said, worried. “I don’t want him to think I don’t care.”

The timing was on point for the parade to enter their vision, no longer just the distant sound of the band. Even as Valorie continued to think about the possibility that Nate didn’t know how much she cared about what he’d achieved, she couldn’t help but be delighted by the sight of Gabe and Cogs very, very drunk in the first carriage that came through.

When Nate came clearly into view, the Cup held high above his head, Valorie felt her heart swell and tears prick the corners of her eyes.

“It is,” Sid said, barely audible over the band and the crowd. “The happiest I’ve ever been.”

Nate had a million things planned for the rest of his day; had a lot of people to introduce the Cup to. Long after he had disappeared from the parade and after the streets of Halifax started to clear, Valorie remained on the roof with Sid and Kathy, swapping stories until their skin was turning pink.

The fact that Sid remembered her, let alone willing to talk with her like an old friend, was still very much blowing Valorie’s mind but it wasn’t something she was going to draw attention to lest it ruin the chill vibe they’d settled into.

They walked to the bar where the party would really kick off, Sid easily blending into the small crowds still milling around Halifax—the occasional person shouting at him, at everyone near them, at the wind. The excitement felt like it was never going to leave.

Waiting for Nate felt like an age, somehow felt even longer than all seven years Valorie had been away. Maybe it was sitting beside an already very drunk Mike, or maybe it was the intense anticipation coursing through her because she knew that Nate could walk through the doors with the Stanley Cup at any moment.

Maybe it was that she was pulled into a conversation with Gabe Landeskog who looked only marginally more sober than he had in the carriage; the beers he was double fisting were sure to fix that.

“Long time no see, Valorie,” he said, his tone giving no indication whether that was good or bad. “All the way back at Nate’s first game, right?”

Valorie was hesitant to respond, and opted for an honest, “That was the only one I got to, yes.”

“He missed you a lot that year.” Gabe paused to drink from one of his beers and Valorie waited for the rest of the thought. “The year after, too, but different.”

“I missed him, too,” Valorie admitted readily; that wasn’t something she’d ever been shy about.

Gabe nodded at her, then raised his chin to say hello to someone who had just walked into the room—it wasn’t Nate, Val checked—and then put his beers down on the table between them so that he could collapse into the empty seat.

“It’s good you’re back together. He’s really happy about it.”

“We’re not—he’s happy because he’s done the one thing you guys aim to do. He’s beaten the final boss. The Elite Four were no match for you guys.”

“No, no, sure he’s happy about that.” Gabe insisted, “It’s a different happy now. A more complete happy.”

“I don’t think you’re making any sense. You should go drink some water.”

Gabe protested, downing one of the beers in a matter of seconds as if that would prove he didn’t need water. Her lip quirked up at the action, both from amusement and bemusement.

Nate finally walked in, well after everyone else was a few drinks in and getting rowdy. His arrival increased the already loud bar enough to make Valorie cover one of her ears while raising the other into the air as she joined the hollering.

Nate finally walked in, well after everyone else was a few drinks in and getting rowdy. His arrival made it worse in that the noise levels were high enough to make Valorie cover one of her ears while raising the other into the air as she joined the hollering.

He and the Cup were moved around the room like he was in a pinball machine, from person to person, from shot glass to shot glass, until at last he was in front of her. The Cup had been deposited somewhere else in the room and Valorie didn’t care enough to locate it; after all, she wasn’t there to see the Stanley Cup.

With a lack of hesitation that couldn’t even be passed off on any drinking she’d been doing, Valorie threw herself at Nate, overcome by the need to make sure he knew she cared about what he’d achieved.

Nate wasn’t immediately ready for it, Valorie’s arms around his neck as she pulled him closer, but he soon realised what was happening and moved his arms around her waist to pull her off the ground.

“I’m so proud of you,” she said, breathless and rushed into his ear. “You’re so good at—at hockey and at knowing me and at taking care of me. But hockey, Nate. I want to hear all about it, okay? Probably tomorrow so I can appreciate it, but I do. I watched it. All six games. I cried I was so proud of you. I am so proud of you. You’re so good.”

“You watched?” he asked back, his warm breath brushing over her own ear and causing her to pull back with her head tilted and her face contorted.

“Yes, Nate. Of course. I thought you knew. I didn’t think I had to tell you.”

Nate pulled her back in, his face buried in her neck. The room may as well have been empty with the way all of Valorie’s senses honed in on Nate—he’d showered before coming, put on cologne that made her head spin, and his warm breath fanned across her neck which made the spinning worse.

If a loud, roaring round of applause hadn’t broken out, Valorie could have stayed pressed against him all night. As it were, though, she pulled back in a dramatic fashion and put a reasonable distance between them before contributing to the clapping—putting gross enthusiasm into it.

Nate laughed, then made a few embarrassed gestures of acknowledgement, before accepting a beer that was being handed to him.

Valorie disappeared, leaving Nate to be bounced around the room again, and hid away with Amber and Mike. They were good and spoke to their other high school friends, all of whom were surprised to see Valorie in the flesh. Luckily for her, the Cup was more than enough of a distraction from any of them asking her what she’d been up to while she was gone.

As the night grew later, it became very clear that Nate’s long day was catching up with him. He was trying, valiantly, to be the last person kicking at the bar, though his demeanour was getting progressively testier as time passed.

“I’m gonna head out. Do you want to come or stay?” she asked, brushing her hand gently over Nate’s shoulders.

“You’re leaving?” he asked, sullen, his arm snaking around her waist and pulling her towards his chair. “You should stay.”

“Amber’s driving me home—if I leave you here can you get home?”

“You should stay,” he repeated, eliciting a laugh from the group he was sitting with.

Valorie laughed with them and ran her hand over his head, insisting that she was leaving whether or not he was coming with her. He hummed, resigned, but let her go so that she could follow Amber outside.

Valorie waited against the wall outside, her head resting back against the cool brick, while Amber went to get her car—Mike went with Amber, mostly because Valorie refused to be the one responsible for him keeping to the sidewalk and off the road.

The door opened and Valorie turned her head, expecting to just wave to somebody as they left, and was surprised to see Nate stepping out.

“Everything alright? You coming home?” she asked, reaching out to him without a second thought. Nate went to her easily.

“I’m going to stay for a bit longer,” he said, standing in front of her. He wasn’t boxing her into the bricks but he was definitely close enough that it wouldn’t take much at all to get there—Valorie thought it would be nice if he did.

“Why are you out here, then?” she asked, her fingers resting in his belt loops.

“I need to…”

Nate didn’t finish his sentence, just lowered his head little by little. Valorie tilted her chin up, pushing back against the wall to get a bit more height.

He wasn’t the same Nate she’d kissed at eighteen—he was broader, bigger in every sense and it was intoxicating to be pressed against the wall by the Nate she’d come to learn. In her mind she was expecting desperation, a need to make up for lost time. It didn’t come, though, and yet Valorie still felt lightheaded when he broke their kiss.

“Will you be in my bed when I get home?”

Valorie scoffed, a little disappointed, “Nate.”

“Not for like—I just want you there. I always want you there.”

She breathed out an “okay”, and kissed him again before sending him back inside to be with his lingering friends.

When he was gone and her head was clearer, Valorie opened her eyes and jumped off the wall at the sight of Amber’s car in front of her and Mike hanging out the passenger’s window.

She pushed Mike back into the car on her way to the backseat, asking before she even sat down, “How long were you there for?”

“Saw it all, babe,” Amber said, beaming into the rear-view mirror. “Never been happier to roll up on two people hooking up outside a bar.”

Valorie knew the second she woke up that things were different. The most immediately apparent difference was the snoring coming from beside her, accompanied by the warmth of an arm over her waist and a chest pressed against her back. Even the mattress underneath her felt different.

Then there was the fact that Nate had kissed her the night before, the catalyst for the other changes she supposed.

It wasn’t a bad different was her first major takeaway, and she relaxed back into the mattress. She couldn’t just lay there forever but she could for a little longer and enjoy the all-encompassing presence of Nate.

She had a fair idea of what time he usually woke up but couldn’t translate that into what might happen when he was hungover—which he was sure to be, and she couldn’t begrudge him that—so after lying in long enough that an ache started to settle in her sides, Valorie pulled herself out of Nate’s embrace and decided to start making breakfast.

Nothing fancy, of course, but she could whip up bacon and eggs and put some pods in a Nespresso machine without too much hassle. She hoped that the smell of food would wake him up, whether he was up to eating it or not and her hope was fulfilled when he wandered out while she was eating her own plate.

“You told me you couldn’t cook,” Nate said, dropping an easy kiss onto Valorie’s head as he passed her to the kitchen.

“I can use a fry pan.”

“I’ll be the judge of that.”

Eating across from Nate, with him smiling at her in a way he hadn’t since her return, was exactly what Valorie had been after and hadn’t known. Listening to him tell her all about the things she’d missed when he was off doing Stanley Cup things and filling him in in return. Everything he said was perfect and when he moved into telling her about the Cup win itself—“You have to do it again so I can be there.”

“I’ll give it my best go.”

Valorie grinned, picturing it all in her head. She held the image in her mind as she cleared the table and it all came crashing back down when she looked at Nate over the kitchen counter as she realised that their future relied on them talking about the new state of their relationship.

“We probably need to have a conversation or two,” Valorie said hesitantly, eyeing Nate over her coffee to check for any reaction at all. When he didn’t so much as blink, she added, “It’s just been like… six weeks and I don’t actually know what we are to each other.”

He wasn’t pleased, mumbling, “Do we have to have that conversation?”

“If we’re going where I want us to, then yeah, Nate.”

That caught his attention enough to have him properly look at her, no longer buried in his coffee. His question came slow and unsure, yet simultaneously hopeful, “Where do you want us to go?”

“I want us to be together again.”

His previously wary face transformed into a smile, small and barely noticeable. Valorie smiled back at him as she continued to drink her coffee. She didn’t know how to start whatever conversation it was that they needed to have—conversations were one of their strong suits as teenagers, Valorie was able to frame things in the perfect way or ask just the right questions to get Nate talking.

Just as she was trying to come up with a way to get him talking, Nate was the one who spoke first.

“Why’d you move to Miami with him?”

Valorie froze. It made sense, in hindsight, that Nate would be the one leading the conversation when she was the one who’d left, and yet it was still like being doused in cold water to have the question asked of her so directly.

She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat, and provided the simplest explanation she had, “I thought I was going to marry him.”

“I thought you were going to marry me.”

“Obviously that didn’t happen, Nate.”

“Yeah,” he said, because it was entirely obvious that it hadn’t happened and the look on his face showed that he didn’t like to be reminded of it. “And I’m still trying to work out why.”

“Nate, it was seven years ago.” She added, stressed, “We were kids.”

“I still don’t know why you broke up with me, Valorie.”

“Valorie?” she all but screeched, her full name coming from his lips sending a horrible quake down her spine and through her body.

Nate powered on, “You broke up with me and you left and to this day I don’t know why that was.”

“I wasn’t happy, Nate.”

The abrupt silence was worse than the conversation. Valorie sat there, wishing she could take back those four little words—she would if she’d known just how instantly Nate would close up.

His entire face, which had at least been showing his unhappiness and discomfort, was no longer telling her a single thing about how he was feeling. Except with that, she knew exactly how he was feeling.

She opened her mouth, ready to try and do damage control, to try to take it back so that he wouldn’t look like that, except not a single word came out.

Nate beat her to it, though, the sadness gone from his face but still very present in his voice. “Why didn’t you talk to me? I know that the long distance wasn’t great—why didn’t you talk to me?”

“None of it was your fault, Nate,” Valorie stressed, reaching across the table towards him even though he was out of reach. “You were the best thing I had going at the time. I couldn’t keep a job and I couldn’t continue with college because I kept failing the classes and I needed to leave so that I could work on all of that and not drag you down with me.”

“Did it work?”

“Yeah, over the next twelve months I learnt a lot, I grew a lot. I actually was going to ask if you wanted to try again when we were both back here the next summer, but you brought a girlfriend.”

“Rachel.”

“She was lovely,” Valorie said, truthfully.

“Why didn’t you talk to me?”

“And fuck up the thin hold you had on your mental health by dragging you down with my problems?”

“Breaking up with me and then ghosting me did a pretty good job of that.”

Valorie finally pulled her hands back to her lap, knowing that that one sentence was a sure sign that Nate wasn’t going to hold them. Him leaning back in his chair with his arms crossed over his chest made it even clearer.

She didn’t know what to say, no amount of explaining was going to be enough and she didn’t want him to think she was making excuses. At the time it had felt like the right thing to do, breaking up with him without any real reason, in the years that had past she’d come to her own realisations that maybe it wasn’t.

Nate’s voice was gruff when he asked, “When did you meet Nick?”

“The first year I was gone…” Valorie said with a sigh. “Sometime in early 2015. Before I came back that summer. We weren’t together at that point because I thought… I thought we—” she gestured between herself and Nate “—could try again. But you know…”

“Rachel,” Nate filled in, uncrossing his arms.

“Rachel. So I went back to Miami, I found Nick because he’d been good to me while I was there but we’re here now anyway. You and me.”

He nodded, still expressionless. Valorie’s leg twitched under the table, up and down repetitively, as she tried to will herself to let Nate be the next person to speak.

“You and me?” he asked, after a long silence.

“If you still want me.”

Nate sighed, pushing his chair back and standing. Valorie watched him, worried that he was going to walk away from the table—from their conversation. He walked around the table towards her, though, and Valorie didn’t have to be told to stand and meet him halfway.

Nate didn’t have anything special planned for his birthday, much to Valorie’s horror. He was going to see his family for lunch—with an invite extended to Valorie which she was more than happy to accept. She couldn’t help but laugh when she arrived and saw Sid and Kathy sitting at the table on the back porch.

“You’re almost like a second father,” Valorie joked, in lieu of a proper greeting. “You’re just everywhere. All Nate’s big moments.”

“I’m really not that old,” Sid argued.

“I was thirteen when I watched you bring the Cup to Cole Harbour. That makes you pretty old.”

He scoffed, “I turned 22 that year.”

Valorie hummed and nodded knowingly, “Old.”

She watched him roll his eyes, noting the affection on his face, and moved on to greet Kathy properly.

It was, otherwise, an uneventful lunch. Valorie was appreciative of the invite, more than pleased to finally be with Nate’s family—back with Nate’s family, and being treated as if she’d never left in the first place. Her smile was ever present, only growing as she watched Nate shift uncomfortably while Happy Birthday was sung at him. Especially when she knew she was going to sing it at him again that evening.

They stayed there until late in the afternoon and Valorie tried not to let her impatience show because she liked spending time with his family, with Sid and Kathy, but she had plans for dinner that she didn’t want to mess up. Nate knew, though, at least vaguely, so they left early enough that Valorie could relax.

When they got home, she banished him to his bedroom so that she could start to cook and set the table with the fancy table setting she’d bought the day before. She was meticulous about their dinner, returning to the recipe far more than was probably necessary to ensure that it was exactly how it needed to be, and felt a true sense of pride as it all came together.

“Can I come back out?” Nate asked, still hidden behind the wall.

Valorie looked around her, taking in the pan she was using and the cleanliness of the kitchen before she told him that he could.

He bypassed the set table, walked straight towards her, and peered over her shoulder to see what she was cooking. His laugh was gentle and sincere.

“Are you making me risotto?”

“I’ve been practising,” she admitted. “When I went to Amber’s the other day we did a test run and it was actually pretty good!”

She giggled as Nate pulled her back from the stove and turned her around, kissing her so sweetly that she nearly melted into a puddle at his feet.

The whole shop stood still, except for the large bouquet of roses that was being walked to the counter; a deep red expertly pruned and assembled. Valorie knew exactly who they were from before they had even reached her.

Everyone huddled around the vase, customers included, as it was set down on the counter in front of Valorie. She knew who they were from without even looking at the note they came with, but there was a sudden hush when her co-worker read out the note on the card: Happy Birthday, mi amor. Love always, Nick.

“You sure that says Nick?” one of their customers asked—Valorie vaguely recognised her from school, though she was positive they hadn’t been in the same year. “Not Nate?”

“I mean—”

Valorie snatched the note more aggressively than she’d intended, saying, “Nick is a friend.”

The side eyes she got from both the customer and her co-worker were far from subtle but Valorie just buried the note in her pocket and carried the vase into the back room.

They—like everything Nick bought her—were gorgeous. He had somehow managed to send her the most perfect roses from Florida and she didn’t want to think about how much money had gone into them. Every day with Nick was filled with unnecessary luxuries and that only increased tenfold on her birthday.

Until the roses came along, Valorie’s day had been uneventful. She woke up early enough for her half-day shift at the hobby store—granted to her by her boss who was horrified that she hadn’t already asked for the whole day—and discovered that Nate was already awake and making her breakfast, and he planned on driving her into Halifax.

It was the most thoughtful gift she’d received in years.

He picked her up after her shift—and after her co-worker tried not so slyly to ask more questions about the roses—and Valorie was met with a bouquet of flowers as she opened the passenger’s side door. She rushed to sit in the car, pushing the vase of roses between her feet on the floor and reaching for the pink hydrangeas Nate held.

“Oh, they’re beautiful,” she gushed, hugging them to her chest as she inhaled. “Did you have to ask someone about my favourite flower or did you just remember?”

Nate mumbled, “Remembered.”

“I can’t believe it, that’s incredible.” She leaned across the centre console to kiss him and got his cheek when he turned his head but she was too distracted by the flowers to notice. “Should I look into the meaning behind these or are they just beautiful?”

Nate started the engine, keeping his eyes firmly on the road in front of him, and Valorie tried not to read into his tense jaw. Or the way he moved his hand to the steering wheel when she tried to hold it over the gearshift.

“Who did the roses come from?” he asked as they pulled into his garage after a painfully silent car ride.

She answered, cautiously, “Nick.”

“How does he know where you work?”

“I don’t know? Insta? I don’t care about the roses, you bought me hydrangeas.”

Nate only said, “okay” before he got out of the car and left Valorie sitting in it by herself. She watched him walk into the house with slumped shoulders and an aching chest before she tried to manoeuvre herself out of the car with the vase of roses and the very large bouquet of hydrangeas.

She put the roses on the kitchen counter and then scoured Nate’s cupboards for a vase so she could put the hydrangeas at the centre of the dining table. She passed Nate on the couch as she walked to the stairs, leaning down to kiss the top of his head and thank him as she did so.

Valorie tried to put it to the back of her mind as she got ready for her birthday plans—Amber had planned a whole afternoon and evening for her and Valorie had been planning her outfit for a week. It wasn’t going to be as extravagant as anything she’d done in Miami, which she’d assured Amber was more than fine, but it was her first birthday in Nova Scotia in years and her first birthday back with her best friend so she was going to make the most of it.

Putting it to the back of her mind worked well until she ascended the stairs and saw that Nate hadn’t moved from his position on the couch.

“Amber and Mike will be here soon—are you ready?”

Nate sunk further into the couch, his arms crossed tightly over his chest and his chin nearly buried into them which led to a mumbled, “I’m not really feeling it; you have fun.”

“You’re not feeling it?” she asked, hating the way her voice cracked in time with the crack in her heart. “It’s my birthday?”

“You go have fun,” he said, still into his arms. “Don’t worry about me.”

Valorie had never felt more pathetic, standing behind Nate when he wouldn’t even look at her, dressed up in one of the nicest she’d brought with her from Miami and had taken so much care with her make-up—not dressed up entirely for Nate but she definitely wanted him to at least look at her. Maybe even appreciate the effort she had gone to.

“Nate, I—I want you there,” Valorie said weakly, moving closer to him to see if she could get him to turn around. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I just don’t want to go out again today.”

Valorie gave up with one last desperate look at Nate and she walked immediately through the front door to wait on the doorstep for Amber and Mike. She wasn’t going to cry about it, even if the furious blinking was barely stopping her—before Amber and Mike pulled up she pulled on her sunglasses and took some deep, centring breaths.

When Amber and Mike did pull up, this time with Amber hanging out the passenger’s side window and jumping out to pull Valorie into a tight hug as she screamed Happy Birthday in her ear, Valorie’s smile was genuine.

At least, it was until she climbed into the passenger’s seat at Amber’s insistence and they sat in the car for a few moments in silence.

“We can go,” she said, hoping that the crack in her voice wasn’t noticeable to anyone but herself.

“What about Nate?”

“I don’t want to talk about Nate.”

“I’ll fight him if you want me to,” Mike offered, completely sincerely, reaching down to unbuckle his seatbelt. “Can’t promise I’ll win but I’ll give it a go.”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into him and I don’t want to think about it for the rest of the day.”

Not thinking about it for the rest of the day was much easier said than done. It put a clear damper on the mood despite the smile Valorie was forcing into her face. For a few blissful moments she did forget, was able to just enjoy the company she was with and the drinks in front of her—and then it all came crashing back down on her with a heartbreaking thud.

Amber tried to talk about, to get an explanation as to why Valorie was upset and Nate wasn’t around and each time she was shut down by Valorie repeating that she didn’t want to talk about it and that she just wanted to enjoy her birthday.

There wasn’t much enjoyment happening, though, with Valorie staring morosely into every rum and coke she was drinking. They’d had Happy Hour cocktails, eaten some of the best steaks Valorie had ever come across and moved on to another bar to continue their night—it was everything Valorie hadn’t realised she missed and it was still being ruined by Nate.

Amber tried again, waiting until Valorie’s glass was empty, and Valorie reacted by standing up and saying that she needed some fresh air. When Amber tried to follow her, Valorie insisted that she was going alone.

Although Valorie had decided to go outside just to get away from any more questions, the fresh air did help. She hadn’t quite realised just how much the alcohol had gone to her head until she was confronted by the breeze coming off the river.

She rested her forehead against the cool bricks of the external walls, her arms crossed above her head, and counted her breaths in and out.

“Val?”

Valorie whipped around, her forehead and forearms scraping against the bricks, and was met with Nate’s concerned face.

“Thought you didn’t want to come out again today,” she said tersely, inspecting her forearms quickly and cringing at the grazes.

“I’m sorry,” he said, readily, without prompting. “That’s pretty up there with the most asshole things I’ve ever done.”

“You made me feel like shit.”

“I know. I didn’t—I’m sorry. I don’t have any excuse that’s good or justified.”

Valorie shuffled her feet, getting to the point where she was regretting her heels, and lifted one shoulder in a half-hearted shrug.

“I’d like to make the rest of your birthday better,” Nate said, visibly shrinking in and making himself smaller and less intimidating. “If you’ll let me.”

“I really don’t feel like I should forgive you, you know?” she huffed, throwing her hands in the air.

“Okay, that’s fair. I can go home.”

She sighed, “No, I don’t want you to go home. I—I’m really happy you’re here even if you weren’t before.”

The corner of Nate’s mouth lifted tentatively, “Yeah?”

Valorie nodded, and broke the rest of the tension between them by stepping into his space and wrapping her arms around his shoulders. She relaxed into him, at the feel of his arms around her and the smell of his cologne filling her head. It was going to warrant a conversation, she knew that, but if she could enjoy the rest of her night she would do just that.

She led him back into the bar by the hand, having already been subjected to a brief twirl as Nate told her how good she looked, much happier and lighter than she had been when she’d walked outside.

Valorie, never one to be held down by a hangover, woke bright and early the next morning. Nate was still dead to the world beside her, a pillow pulled over his head to block out whatever noises he’d heard that she hadn’t.

It was bright outside when she left his room with her clothes bundled in her arms, unable to lie there and wait for him to stir, though the clock near the staircase told her it wasn’t even seven.

She had a quick shower—the hot water tap barely turned—and changed before she went in search of her bag, keys and phone and left a note on the kitchen counter for Nate that she was heading out but wouldn’t be long.

The roses had never left her mind, not with the weirdness they’d caused, and seeing them standing tall and proud on the kitchen counter made her know that she was making the right decision.

She wrote another note, tucking it into the flowers and made her way to her parents’ house to leave the roses and the note on their doorstep.

Mom, I think you can take better care of these than I can. Love you xxx

The round trip didn’t take overly long, so Nate wasn’t moving about the house when Valorie returned. She made herself a coffee and sat on the balcony, the caffeine working in combination with the slight breeze to keep any hangover symptoms at bay.

“Where are the roses?” Nate asked, startling Valorie when she hadn’t even heard the door slide open.

She waited until Nate was sitting sidewards on the recliner beside her before she said slowly, “With my mom. She loves roses.”

“You didn’t have to get rid of them.”

“I’m not attached to them… They were clearly making you uncomfortable, so it’s fine.”

Nate hummed, then said softly, “Thank you.”

Valorie smiled at him, grateful for the admission no matter how vague. She stood up, only to sit back down on Nate’s recliner after moving him so she could sit between his legs and relax back into him. She reached for his hands and wrapped his arms around her body.

She didn’t expect him to say anything else, happy to push the conversation they had to have to later in the day and just enjoy a quiet morning. Nate didn’t have the same desire, though.

“A guy doesn’t just send you roses on your birthday if he’s not trying to get you back.” He was speaking into her hair and if he hadn’t been so close Valorie wouldn’t have heard him at all.

She squeezed his arms and said, “If I was going back to him, I would have any of the half dozen times he’s already asked.”

She hadn’t mentioned it to Nate—to anyone—that Nick was sending things to her parents house, not many, but enough that she’d had to call him to put her foot down. The earrings he’d sent that matched the bracelet she’d been wearing the first time she’d seen Nate back in Nova Scotia were the final straw there. She’d never worn them and hadn’t put the bracelet back on, even though it was her favourite piece of jewellery.

Nate’s hesitation was evidence enough of his worry and was only amplified by the way he was holding her close and still speaking into her hair. “He’s not wearing you down?”

“Not in a good way. He seems to think that if he throws more money at me and reminds me of the life we had together and the future we could have; that I’ll just forget that I want kids.”

“Promise?”

“Remember that conversation we had? After the Cup Day? It’s you and me. I’m not going back to him.”

Nate’s forehead came to rest against the back of her head; Valorie could feel his relieved sigh.

The summer was dangerously close to ending. Valorie was counting down the days until she and Nate got on a plane to Denver, excitement and trepidation filling every ounce of her body and only getting more and more intense whenever she saw him.

There was something on her mind, though, the cause of the trepidation. A question she’d been holding onto for far longer than she intended and a question she knew she needed to ask before they left for their new life together—it couldn’t be another conversation that happened after the fallout.

Nate had just finished up his last training session with Andy, and Valorie smiled at him and only briefly cringed when he leant down to kiss her despite the sweat rolling off his body.

Andy followed Nate in, greeting her happily, none the wiser to her inner turmoil—though how could Andy be if Nate didn’t have a clue? He said goodbye to Valorie, that he’d see her when Nate was back in Canada, and she waved at him as he left.

She sat on the couch, staring blankly at the television, and listened to the shower in Nate’s ensuite turn on. With a quick inhale and in an unexpected moment of courage, she decided to join him.

“What a surprise,” Nate smirked, watching Valorie drop her clothes as she entered the bathroom.

The water was nearly unbearably hot though she didn’t falter, immediately wrapping her arms around Nate. He followed suit without missing a beat and Valorie relished in being able to rest her head against his chest and hear his steady heartbeat over the water.

“What’s brought this on?”

“You did an interview a few years ago and I can’t forget it,” Valorie said, taking a deep breath. She was thankful that the shower was hiding the wetness in her voice. “That you don’t like kids? And I—I need to know if that’s still true before… I don’t know.”

“I was never sure about having kids, I’ll be honest,” Nate said, slow, measured, and most definitely confused. “But I always knew that if I was going to have kids it was only going to be with you.”

“Okay. That’s—okay.”

Her relief was immeasurable—she had known it was causing her a lot of inner stress but to have it roll off her shoulders was nicer than she ever could have imagined.

“I love you.”

Valorie pulled away from Nate’s chest, blinking through the fall of water over her face, another sigh leaving her body. She pressed up on her toes to kiss him, unable to express herself in any other way.

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