#a poem about neurodivergent mania

[afyerarchive]

Relapsing, Eclipsing and Reminiscing

I fear your return,

a terminal glistening of divinity;

I fear as the time I mourned resurfaces,

facing me face-to-face with that face of despair.

Kilometric peripherals,

an algorithm I beg to bend,

and no matter how much sunscreen I apply,

I just can't seem to leave my past.

If I could write to my past self,

I'd assure him:

the only narcissistic egomaniac

was the caricatures you'd come to know.

I can only try:

a Fahrenheit to Celsius,

a wannabe Plato,

a confused nomad as to why it's still my fault.

This eclipse was not beautiful,

it was a little script of lies, and discomfort,

to which I found

not even the sun loved me anymore.

[shanie-the-komania-toyaddict]

Shanie's Creation Masterlist!

Updated 04/18/24

Masterlist of all the fanworks I have out there.

Quick Link: My Steenerico Disney Fic, "The Happiest Luchador on Earth" is located HERE, while the rest of the in-universe stories, "Of Masks, Mice, and Men" are located HERE.

For anyone interested, both THLoE and OMMaM make up what I refer to as "The Generico!verse" due to the fact that the entire universe hinges on the singular notion that El Generico is NOT Sami Zayn and, in fact, Sami Zayn never existed in this universe, nor does Kevin Owens. There are only Steen and Generico in this universe and the stories are about the two of them meeting, falling in love, realizing they are in love, realizing how much they need each other, and really, just the two of them navigating the world together as best friends and eventual lovers, trying to get by despite their various neurodivergencies.

The rest of the fanworks are beneath cut

Music Videos

Wrestling

Wrestling - Zowens/Steenerico - You Grew On Me

Wresting - Zowens/Steenerico - Open Arms

WWE - Shane McMahon - Kings

WWE - Shane McMahon - Feet On The Ground

WWE - Shane McMahon - I Am The Fire

WWE - Shane McMahon - You're Gonna Go Far Kid

WWE - Shane McMahon - Written In The Stars

Doctor Who

Doctor Who - The Pond Family - Elevation

Doctor Who - The Pond Family - Who Wants To Live Forever

Doctor Who - The Brigadier Tribute - Hero

Doctor Who - The Companions - Never Say Goodbye

Buffy The Vampire Slayer

Buffy - Dark Willow - Down With The Sickness

Buffy Episodic - "Superstar" - The Real Adventures of Johnny Quest

Other Videos

Xena Warrior Princess - Video Vixen Remake - I Need A Hero

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency - Don't Stop Me Now

M*A*S*H - Weathered

How I Met Your Mother - What's My Age Again?

Fanfiction

Zowens/Steenerico Fanfics

To Earthquakes, Lovers, and Newfound Friends

Finding Paradise

Depression, Dissociation, and 'Mania

Stay

The Sunshine and The Rain (Poem)

Siempre te Amaré (I Will Always Love You)

Saved (6-Part Series)

He Used To Be Mine (Will Be 20-Part Series) - WIP

The Happiest Luchador On Earth (Steenerico Disney Fic) - WIP

A Sacred Place (AU) - WIP

Other Fanfiction

Doctor Who - Magickally Different

WWE/Doctor Who - Journey's Beginning

How I Met Your Mother - Six

Doctor Horrible's Sing Along Blog - Apologies

WWE - Death of A Fangirl (And Rebirth of A Friend)

WWE - A One Fangirl Army

Original Works

The Rain Can't Hurt You Now

Four Men, Four Souls

Other Stuff

This one doesn't really have a set place or link for it, but the tag is "Shanie's Artwork"

If you're looking for my custom figures, that's under "Shanie's Custom Figures"

If you're looking for the comics-style stories of my action figures, look under "The Yep Husband Chronicles"

If you're looking for my dream journal writeups, that's under "Shanie's Dream Journal"

My old blog is @shanie-the-toyaddict and you will find most of this stuff posted there too.

[junesmusings]

Racing Thoughts

Being convinced these machinations in my head are good legitimate ideas. That might be the worst part. Being unable ultimately to trust yourself down to your core. Convinced of two completely opposing ideas at once, mind switching like the clock, tick tok.

What am I worth? Am I more than my actions, my ideas and ideals? My identity being so warped from what there really is, the thing I give to people, the one they see.

I have become made of wood, each morning I stiffen and creak. Every day I await the chopping block.

My mind is poisoned by my thoughts, I know not which are friend or foe. Lately they are all I see.

“All we are are conglomerates. Some of us feel more one than others”

I want them straightened and combed through, hot grease dripping, a stove eye on high, a hot comb glowering up at me. I want them processed and pulled through, til by some miracle or someone’s mama’s persistence, they resemble something of order and neatness.