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missmeikakuna · 5 years

Text

Chad and the Incel Chapter 10

Rated: M

Fandom: Original Fiction (but inspired by the Virgin vs Chad meme)

Relationship type: Male/Male with a bit of Female/Female (the lesbians are adorable, btw) and unrequited Male/Female (in other words, the guys are bisexual).

Description: Chad is, well, a Chad, or at least he looks like one. He’s got his sights set on the cool nerd Becky and enlists the help of her shy incel ex-friend Noah, offering to help him get the gorgeous girl (Stacy) he desperately wants. Noah is reluctant to help, believing that he will be stuck in inceldom forever, but Chad’s interest in his life gives him hope. When their plans go awry, they start turning their romantic attention towards each other.

Content Warning: Given the subject matter, you can guess that this story has dark themes in it, such as suicide and self-harm (plus the mental health issues that often cause them), sexism, slut-shaming homophobia, biphobia and transphobia. There is also swearing and some mentions of sex but nothing too explicit (hence the M rating as opposed to an Explicit rating).

10th Post: [Experiment] (POLL) Should I end it all?

Noah didn’t show up at school, spending all day in bed.

Chad tried messaging him but got no response. As he made his way to his locker during lunch he even tried to call him, but the mocking dirge of four gradually quieting beeps played on the phone.

‘What the hell?’ Chad asked his locker with a hiss. He added, ‘Noah, don’t ignore my calls,’ despite no one being there to hear him.

His shoulders jumped when he felt a slap on the back.

‘What’s up? Hey, where’s your ugly friend?’

Chad whipped his body around and grabbed Tyrone by the collar. ‘Who are you talking about?’ he growled.

Tyrone’s shoulders dropped. ‘Y-you know. Whatshisname, with the weird shirts and the glasses.’

‘Fuck you. You know nothing about him. Absolutely fucking nothing!’

Tyrone held his hands up like a soldier caught by the enemy. ‘Woah, c-calm down, dude! You on your p-period or something?’

Chad raised his fist but didn’t punch Tyrone, opting to drop him instead. ‘You’re not worth it. You’re a pathetic piece of shit who clearly needs glasses himself.’

Now it was Tyrone’s turn to grab Chad by the collar, albeit with a weaker grip. ‘Nobody calls me pathetic. Nobody.’ It took a crack in Tyrone’s voice for Chad to notice that the tiny boy was blinking abnormally fast. ‘And what’s your problem? You were spending all that time with whatshisface and I let you even though you were supposed to be my friend. Why? Because you seemed happy around him. You had this stupid little Grinch-looking grin on your face whenever he came into the room.’

Chad instinctively touched the ends of his lips with his thumb and pointer finger. ‘I did?’

‘Yeah.’ Tyrone let go of Chad’s collar and rubbed the back of his own neck. ‘Look, uh, s…s…’ He took a deep breath before squeezing out what he wanted to say. ‘Sorry for insulting the guy. You know me. I run my mouth a lot sometimes. By the way, what was with the part about me needing glasses?’

‘Nothing!’ Chad croaked as he swiftly turned away from him.

Tyrone shrugged his shoulders. ‘I’ll, uh, leave you to calm down or whatever. I wouldn’t worry too much about the guy. I’m sure he’ll be back tomorrow. Probably spent all night watching whatever he watches.’

Noah did not, in fact, come back to school the next day. Or the day after that. Whenever his mother tried to get him out of bed, he screeched at her to get out of his room.

He was tempted to use his phone to watch YouTube to pass the time but he kept reminding himself of one word. ‘Cope’. Instead he lied down and thought about everything that had gone wrong in his life, from never having had a girlfriend to Chad finding his incel forum account. Though he refused to admit it even to himself, the latter caused an even greater sting in his heart.

After hours of thinking, he mustered up the motivation to stand up and grab his phone. He put up a post to the forum.

Rotcel2003- (POLL) Should I end it all?

It’s over for me. It was over for me as soon as I was born with this deformed face. And now the one girl who I thought I could be with has found this account and is mocking me for it. Should I just end it?

He checked the poll several hours later and became a mess of tears at the results. He was right.

Yes- 102 votes

No- 28 votes

Someone commented an alternative.

Islavistalol- Go ER and kill everyone. Get revenge on the girl who mocked you. Foids deserve the bullet.

He envisioned Chad’s dying face. He had done this in the past with the girls who rejected him or simply didn’t notice him but, for some reason, this time he felt pain more powerful than any pleasure he could feel at the concept of revenge. There was no way he could even attempt what the infamous Elliot Rodger did.

He added one edit to his post.

It’s decided. Goodbye, everyone.

Chad was reluctant to check the forum again. He’d already made enough of a mess. However, as he secretly looked at his phone during a boring class, he gave in and saw Noah’s final post.

‘Shit,’ he murmured as he stood up.

‘Is something wrong, Mr Beaufort?’ the teacher asked but Chad ignored him and raced out of the classroom. ‘Hey, what are you-’

Chad searched through his scrambled mind for a place Noah would commit suicide. Sweat ran down his entire body and his throat felt dry and sore as if he had just screamed for ten hours. His heart felt like it was trying to escape out of his chest and he panted like a wolf in the middle of the desert.

He got into his car and sped away.

He first stopped at Noah’s house and banged on the front door. When no one answered, he took a few steps back and kicked the door open. Noah was nowhere to be found.

He tried the train station but there was no sight of Noah. He went to a bridge where suicide was common and couldn’t find him there either.

He took out his phone and looked up advice on stopping someone from committing suicide. He only skimmed it, barely able to concentrate as memories of Noah flashed before his eyes. One thing that the boy said stuck out.

‘I’d spend the rest of my life here if I could.’

A thorny bouquet of different curse words tumbled from Chad’s mouth. He turned his car around and rushed to the local library with intentional graffiti.

As luck would have it, the door had a ‘closed’ sign attached to it.

Chad repeatedly slammed his hands against the clear doors and, when no one was there to open them, he looked around. He ran around the library until he was behind it, his heart pounding in his ears.

He saw him, dipping his toes into the lake. Chad shivered even though he wasn’t touching the water himself.

‘Noah!’

The boy turned his head, tears in his eyes. ‘Leave me alone,’ he spat. ‘I don’t want to fucking talk to you.’

Chad stepped towards him, careful not to step too close and scare Noah even more. ‘But I need to apologise. I get it. I was shitty. Real shitty. I shouldn’t have tried to meddle so much. But don’t drown yourself over me! I’m not worth it!’

Noah moved out of the lake and stormed up to Chad, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt and giving him a murderous glare.

‘You think it’s ‘cause of you? You fucking narcissist. It’s not all about you. I’ve spent years of my life trying to get a girlfriend, and for what? So she can spread her fucking legs for some piece of shit like you? Everyone on that website you fucking spied on me on is right. It’s hopeless for someone like me. I look like shit, and even if I just looked average, girls don’t want an ‘average’ guy. No, they only go for the top 20 per cent of men. Do you think that’s fair, huh? Huh? And don’t try to explain it away by saying, ‘Just have a less shitty personality,’ like you know what oppression is. Fuck off!’ He shoved Chad away.

Chad touched Noah’s arms with shaking hands. Noah’s glare softened at his touch. ‘I don’t know about ‘oppression’, per se,’ Chad said. ‘But I do know what it’s like to be treated badly because of something out of my control. It’s something I’ve tried to keep hidden, so I don’t know what I’d do if I was in your shoes and people found out the truth. That’s why I’m really sorry.’

Noah pushed Chad’s arms away and started walking back towards the lake. ‘I bet your secret’s something small like, ‘A girl rejected me once so I had to go with one of my thirty other options’.’

Chad took a deep breath. ‘More like, ‘I confessed to a guy and got my ribs kicked until they broke and I had to go to the hospital’.’

Noah turned around. He said nothing. He just repeatedly opened and closed his hands as if he was trying to hold onto the air. The wind blew and he wrapped his arms around himself, shivering. Chad stepped closer.

‘And besides, you don’t look like shit,’ he said. ‘I’ve told you this before. You’re hot.’

When Noah put his foot in the water, Chad felt a painful bolt of electricity in his veins telling him to run forward, but he reminded himself of the consequences of trying to rush this.

Noah sighed. ‘Do you think I want to hear that from you? Guys want everything. They’d fuck a walking table if they could. Hearing stuff like that from a guy isn’t the same as hearing it from a soft, feminine femoid…’

Chad had to tune out when Noah started describing the ideal woman. He pictured Noah having sex with a woman and felt like he was going to vomit.

‘… so I don’t want to hear it from a degenerate like you.’

‘Degenerate?’

‘You just told me you’re a faggot.’

Chad felt like slapping himself when his blood started to boil. How could he want to punch someone who was on the verge of suicide?

‘I’m not a faggot,’ he murmured with his head down as he shoved his hands into his pockets. ‘I liked Becky, remember?’

‘I bet that was just a cover-up.’ The more Noah explained, the weaker his voice became, as if his own mind was already arguing with everything he was saying. ‘You just wanted to cope with your degeneracy by acting like a normal person so you could bang a bunch of other Chads behind the scenes. Knowing you it worked. You probably get to sleep with ten men a night just like a femoid. And me? I get to spend the rest of my life not knowing the love of a woman. Or maybe you’re really straight and you’re just coping with Becky rejecting you so you pretended to like me. You wanted to convince yourself you’re happy when you’re really miserable.’

Chad took another step. ‘Is that last bit how you feel... about yourself?’

Noah released a single quick laugh. ‘I’m eighteen for Christ’s sake. Guys half my age are already having sex.’ Chad winced at the thought. ‘If these are the best years of my life, I may as well die now. No femoid is going to wake me up with a kiss and tell me the kids are already up, excited for their Christmas presents. No femoid’s going to cook my favourite meal when I come home from work upset at my boss. And no femoid is ever going to tell me she found this goofy-looking tie and thought of me so she bought it. If I stay alive, I’m going to be a virgin at fifty and everyone’s going to look at me like a worthless waste of space. Humans are supposed to reproduce, right? What’s the use of a man who can’t do that? I’m going to die alone. I just know it.’

Noah submerged his ankles in the water, then his shins. Chad grabbed his arm. ‘What’s your favourite meal?’ was the only question he could come up with in such a short amount of time.

Noah bit his lip. ‘Meatloaf,’ he whispered, looking away from Chad. ‘I know it’s normie shit but Mom makes it with this weird spice that makes it ten times better. I’d… love to ask her what the spice is so I can tell my future wife and she can cook it for me.’

‘You can’t do that if you’re dead.’

After Chad said that he rubbed the back of his own neck. ‘Look, I really hope this doesn’t look like I’m insulting you, but I don’t see the logic in what you’re saying. It seems like you’re taking one thing that’s happening now and convincing yourself that it’s the end of the world. The steps between you not getting laid right now and you dying alone don’t seem to connect. And it’s not like you’re a virgin anymore since we, you know….’

Noah stepped further into the water and Chad pulled him back. ‘Wait! I didn’t mean to… I’m sorry. I’m not trying to, you know, downplay what you’re feeling right now. It’s just that it doesn’t seem very rational and I know you’re the kind of person who believes in logic and reason.’

‘I’m not… rational? I’m very rational. I understand more about the world than some Christian who probably tries to pray the gay away.’

‘That may be true, but right now you’re not acting very rational. It’s like someone’s possessed you and put these thoughts into your head against your will. You’re not really like this, Noah. I know you’re not.’

Chad wiped the tears that were beginning to surface in his eyes. ‘And, to be honest, I’d like to wake you up with a kiss and tell you our future kids are already up for Christmas. I’d like to learn that meatloaf recipe and make it for you after a hard day’s work. I’d probably skip the middleman and ask your mom directly. And I’m probably not good at picking out ties, but I could buy you one if you wanted me to. I’m sure by then I’d know you well enough to know which one to pick.

‘Actually, you know what? It doesn’t matter what I want right now. You’re right, I’m a narcissist. Even if we never got together and I saw you going out with some chick, I’d be happy enough. I’d survive. Even if we never had sex again and I never had sex with anyone else, ever, I’d be okay. Even if I’m fifty years old. If someone looked at you funny for being a fifty-year-old virgin, you know I’d punch their lights out.’

Chad lowered his hand from his tear-stained face and smiled at Noah, pulling him just a little bit closer. He himself stepped closer, trying his best to ignore the coldness circling his feet as the water seeped into his them through the holes in his socks. Noah’s eyebrows shot up and his eyes grew several sizes, his lips pursed and his limbs stiff.

‘You see, even if you don’t get a girl, you’ll still have friends, family and all that good stuff,' Chad assured him in a soft but firm voice, brushing his fingers against Noah’s cheek. 'You’re not a waste of space. It’s just whatever’s possessed your mind telling you that.

‘Look, I’m not too good at talking about this kind of thing. I’m not even sure if I should really be arguing about this with you instead of just listening to you. Maybe you should talk to someone who, I don’t know, gets paid to listen to people going through what you’re going through. They should have better advice than me. Please, just talk to someone about this.

‘And not that forum. I know I don’t know what I’m doing, but I sure as hell know more than those idiots who told you to kill yourself. It’s not like they’re people who have gotten out of your situation. It’s like going to a support group for alcoholics run by someone who’s still an alcoholic and hasn’t gotten help themselves.’

Noah’s mouth opened but he didn’t say anything. His eyes moved from side to side as he contemplated what Chad said. Tears spilled out of his eyes and made his cheeks sting. His nose started to run and he put on a tiny smile. He looked into Chad’s eyes. When he realised that his fingers were still on his cheek, he pushed them away and stepped back. He gasped when the wet earth underneath him started to shift, pulling him into the water. He instinctively reached for Chad’s hand and inadvertently dragged him down with him.

Both were surrounded by pitch black. Noah closed his eyes, tears joining the lake water. Once the shock wore off, Chad looked up at the surface, which had a light he could just barely see. He wrapped one arm around Noah’s waist and when he did so, Noah opened his eyes as if waking from a nightmare. The two swam up together.

Loud gasps for breath echoed throughout the area. Chad hauled Noah onto land and Noah, in turn, pulled him up. They lied down, shivering, on the grass. They breathed heavily as they looked at the sky.

‘I think I should take you to a hospital,’ Chad suggested.

‘Why? I’m not injured.’

‘That’s good to hear. But, I mean, you’re still injured in the mind.’ Chad took his phone out of his pocket and tried to turn it on but the screen remained black. ‘Shit! So, I was on a website that said people who attempt suicide have to go to the hospital, even if they’re not physically hurt.’

‘So I can be shipped off to a madhouse and feel even worse?’

‘Not really. They’ll just check up on you and keep you safe for a night or two. Then we can find you a therapist.’

‘We?’

Chad’s eyes went all over the place. 'Well, yeah. Like I said, even if you don’t want to date me, we’re still a team. I won’t try to meddle too much since you know how that turned out, but you can always talk to me if you don’t like the therapist or whatever, and we can switch ‘em.’ He stood up and held out his hand. Noah hesitated but took it, and as soon as he stood up he started sobbing loudly into Chad’s chest. His shoulders relaxed when Chad put his arms around them and patted his head.

The two walked like this, with Chad still holding Noah close and whispering words of encouragement into his ear. Chad helped Noah into the car and drove him to the hospital while Noah relayed to him the various reasons he attempted suicide. Chad knew most of this, but he listened anyway.

When the doctors took Noah away, Chad sat in the waiting room with knees that repeatedly bounced up and down. He looked around him and felt fear strike his heart when he noticed how plain and lifeless the white walls were. Was this the right environment for Noah?

This fear clawed at his heart for a good half hour until a doctor called out to him and took him to Noah’s ward.

‘You should feel proud,’ the doctor said.

Chad raised an eyebrow. ‘I’m supposed to be proud? What was I supposed to do? Let him die?’

The doctor chuckled. ‘I suppose you’re right.’

‘Am I really allowed to see him this early?’

‘He wanted to see you. He said he’d attempt suicide again if I didn’t let you in.’

Noah’s face was already fresher, though his eyes were still red and puffy. He gave Chad a small smirk.

‘Do I look sexier now in a blue gown?’

Chad sighed in relief. ‘Please don’t tempt me. You’re doing surprisingly well if you can joke like that.’

Noah scratched his cheek. ‘I thought about what you said and you were right. That forum just made me worse. I… I feel like a class-A moron.’ He let tears escape from his eyes.

‘You’re not a moron. You just got sucked into it.’

Noah wiped his eyes and raised his head at the doctor. ‘Uh, can Chad and I speak privately?’ The doctor nodded and closed the curtain. ‘Can you come here?' he asked Chad, who obliged. He held his arm up and, after a few seconds of curling up his fingers, cupped Chad’s cheek. 'Thank you for putting up with me.’

‘I’m not ‘putting up with you’. People don’t just ‘put up with’ the ‘people they love.’

Noah averted his gaze. ‘Love, huh?’

‘Uh, well, um, I meant… I meant to say ‘like’ but I just blurted out that word and I didn’t mean to come across as creepy or too forward or anything like that, uh, so…’

Noah choked out a laugh, his smile like that of someone who had been shot by an arrow that just missed a vital organ. He shifted his hand until it was under Chad’s chin, pulling him a tiny bit closer.

‘Why’d it have to be a guy?’ he grumbled. ‘I never saw my future self liking, or loving, or… whatever... another guy.’

A big, dumb smile adorned Chad’s face. Noah slowly and tentatively pulled him even closer and brushed his lips against his. As he closed his eyes he initially envisioned smoke, but the image quickly evaporated. The kiss was fleeting, but it was enough for now.

#chad vs incel #chad x incel #bisexual #incel #romance #drama #original fiction #breaking stereotypes #lesbian #Chad and the Incel

24 notes · View notes

awkward-toshinori · 5 years

Note

Hey Yo, can I get all 200 asks for the ask meme thing? Please and thank you!

Absolutely

200: My crush’s name is:

Horia

199: I was born in:

Romania

198: I am really:

friendly and trustworthy

197: My cellphone company is:

Digi

196: My eye color is:

Aqua Blue

195: My shoe size is:

7,5

194: My ring size is:

20?? hell if i know tbh

193: My height is:

5′7

192: I am allergic to:

nothing

191: My 1st car was:

I can’t drive yet!!

190: My 1st job was:

No jobs yikes :c

189: Last book you read:

Sword of Destiny!!

188: My bed is:

messy and full of plushies

187: My pet:

no pets but ahh my baby plant

186: My best friend:

I’ve got tons of them and I’m pretty sure they know themselves

185: My favorite shampoo is:

ah I don’t really have any preferences

184: Xbox or ps3:

*big gasp* ps3

183: Piggy banks are:

They’re superb but I would feel so bad about wrecking one

182: In my pockets:

Glasses tissues

181: On my calendar:

uh there’s nothing noted yet

180: Marriage is:

Something quiet amazing and lovely, at least from my point

179: Spongebob can:

aww man I don’t watch spongebob

178: My mom:

is shorther than me, that’s for sure

177: The last three songs I bought were?

I didn’t buy any songs but I did buy albums and the last three I bought I suppose were Aenima by tool, Portrait of An American Familly by Marilyn Manson and Slipknot by Slipknot, I think

176: Last YouTube video watched:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4q9UafsiQ6k

175: How many cousins do you have?

2 or 3 I think

174: Do you have any siblings?

Yes, one

173: Are your parents divorced?

nope

172: Are you taller than your mom?

yes B)

171: Do you play an instrument?

Not yet but I’m planning on getting a bass so

170: What did you do yesterday?

I went to a cool concert

169: Love at first sight:

not rlly

168: Luck:

nope

167: Fate:

also no

166: Yourself:

no *oops doopsie I’m sorry*

165: Aliens:

yes

164: Heaven:

nah

163: Hell:

162: God:

nopety

161: Horoscopes:

not really

160: Soul mates:

hmm a bit

159: Ghosts:

158: Gay Marriage:

157: War:

not really

156: Orbs:

not really :/

155: Magic:

no but I find it interesting154: Hugs or Kisses:

hugs

153: Drunk or High:

I personally wouldn’t go for any of those but drunk ig

152: Phone or Online:

online

151: Red heads or Black haired:

black haired

150: Blondes or Brunettes:

ah, blondes

149: Hot or cold:

cold

148: Summer or winter:

winter

147: Autumn or Spring:

spring

146: Chocolate or vanilla:

vanilla

145: Night or Day:

night

144: Oranges or Apples:

oranges

143: Curly or Straight hair:

straight

142: McDonalds or Burger King:

McDonalds

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:

White Chocolate

140: Mac or PC:

139: Flip flops or high heals:

flip flops

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:

sweet and poor tbh

137: Coke or Pepsi:

coke

136: Hillary or Obama:

Obama??!!

135: Burried or cremated:

cremated

134: Singing or Dancing:

singing

133: Coach or Chanel:

coach

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:

I uh, none

131: Small town or Big city:

big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target:

I had never went to one though Wal-Mart

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:

Adam Sandler

128: Manicure or Pedicure:

Manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast:

East Coast

126: Your Birthday or Christmas:

Christmas

125: Chocolate or Flowers:

flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags:

disney

123: Yankees or Red Sox:

Yankees

122: War:

I uh personally don’t agree with them and uh dunno

121: George Bush:

Don’t have one yet

120: Gay Marriage:

I find it lovely but too sad it’s not legal here so

119: The presidential election:

Quiet stinky as in no good choices

118: Abortion:

See this topic rips itself in two, if it’s intentionally done I personally think it’s the worst thing to do but that someone can do whatever they want, it’s their body after all, though if it happens and it’s not intended just, big sad react

117: MySpace:

I don’t have an opinion on it

116: Reality TV:

I don’t really watch it nor like it

115: Parents:

I would’ve appreciated if my parents showed me more support and love but not that I have anything against our type of relationship at the moment so

114: Back stabbers:

I totally not like them so I choose to cut contact with them

113: Ebay:

It’s fine till now

112: Facebook:

I’m not a big fan of Facebook

111: Work:

If it’s something I love, it makes me feel good but if it’s not it kind of brings a feeling of uneasy and frustration to me

110: My Neighbors:

They’re chill, the baby and the puppy are my favorites

109: Gas Prices:

kinda shitty here

108: Designer Clothes:

They can design what they want however they want, this is not really a topic of interest for me

107: College:

I can’t wait to get to it ngl

106: Sports:

Not one of my interests but they do look fun

105: My family:

I tolerate them easily but yeah I love them

104: The future:

Other than that I’m scared as hell regarding the future? nah

103: Hugged someone:

Eh!! Today!!

102: Last time you ate:

7 hours ago??

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:

Oh last week I think

100: Cried in front of someone:

U H, yesterday

99: Went to a movie theater:

last thursday

98: Took a vacation:

last Christmas

97: Swam in a pool:

last summer

96: Changed a diaper:

never tbh

95: Got my nails done:

OH, it’s been ages since I’ve done that

94: Went to a wedding:

4 years ago

93: Broke a bone:

never nyehehe B)

92: Got a peircing:

I don’t have any but planning on getting some

91: Broke the law:

never

90: Texted:

minutes ago

89: Who makes you laugh the most:

tbh, my friends

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:

my stuff but mostly my baby plant

87: The last movie I saw:

Captain MArvel

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:

finishing high school

85: The thing im not looking forward to:

Missing upcoming opportunities

84: People call me:

Satana(I have the perferct explanation)

83: The most difficult thing to do is:

talk in servers or groups tbh

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:

Oh I’d feel terrible and embarassed tbh

81: My zodiac sign is:

LEo

80: The first person i talked to today was:

my boyfriend

79: First time you had a crush:

in 5th grade

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:

My boyfriend.. because he knows when something’s up with me or if something’s not good

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:

hmmm weeks ago I think

76: Right now I am talking to:

@angelwings-234

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

be a programmer

74: I have/will get a job:

I hope to get one as a programmer in the future (though hell If I know what exactly yet)

73: Tomorrow:

I’ll probably hope for school to end faster just so I can nap

72: Today:

I haven’t done much tbh

71: Next Summer:

Will be so busy and I’m so not up to it

70: Next Weekend:

I’ll be going to a cool ass contest

69: I have these pets:

I have a baby plant!!!

68: The worst sound in the world:

static noise

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:

myself?? sounds a bit edgy

66: People that make you happy:

all the close friends in my life and some artists along with stuff I enjoy a lot

65: Last time I cried:

yesterday

64: My friends are:

There are too many to list them but luv them all

63: My computer is:

full of games that I’m probably not going to finish in the following 2 months

62: My School:

kinda sucks when it comes to students

61: My Car:

does not exist yet

60: I lose all respect for people who:

who are rude and big mean bags of shit?? I could detail this but dunno

59: The movie I cried at was:

Interstellar

58: Your hair color is:

blonde

57: TV shows you watch:

SOA, Gotham when my bf watches it and I don’t really like TV shows though I have some on my waiting list

56: Favorite web site:

https://www.pbinfo.ro/

55: Your dream vacation:

just, somewhere around a forest, it’d be quiet lovely ngl

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:

tooth pain

53: How do you like your steak cooked:

a bit raw tbh

52: My room is:

ass messy as me

51: My favorite celebrity is:

uhhh Corey Taylor

50: Where would you like to be:

Right now?? At my bf, if it wouldn’t bother him..

49: Do you want children:

ABsolutely

48: Ever been in love:

still am ig

47: Who’s your best friend:

I have too many but love them all so much

46: More guy friends or girl friends:

I have more guy friends apparently

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:

achieving something

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:

All of my best-friends tbh

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:

I do

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:

Not yet and I doubt I’d do it

41: Have you pre-named your children:

me and my bf came up with some names but who knows

40: Last person I got mad at:

My bf i think

39: I would like to move to:

another city in my country, a much bigger one

38: I wish I was a professional:

artist

37: Candy:

Haribo

36: Vehicle:

Renault or Dacia

35: President:

don’t really have one

34: State visited:

I haven’t been to any at all

33: Cellphone provider:

Digi

32: Athlete:

I don;t have one yikes

31: Actor:

Hmm Benicio Del Toro

30: Actress:

I like some but I don’t have a favorite one

29: Singer:

Peter Steele, his voice is simply, lovely

28: Band:

Ohhh anon Tool and Cargo atm

27: Clothing store:

I don’t have a fav one

26: Grocery store:

any??

25: TV show:

Sons Of Anarchy

24: Movie:

The Alien trilogy

23: Website:

Twitter I think

22: Animal:

Cat

21: Theme park:

I don’t really have one

20: Holiday:

Christmas

19: Sport to watch:

ski jumping

18: Sport to play:

Volleyball I think

17: Magazine:

Don’t have one

16: Book:

The Shinning

15: Day of the week:

Saturdays

14: Beach:

Don’t really like beaches

13: Concert attended:

Truda’s concert for moment but I suppose Disturbing’s going ro replace it or maybe Cannibal Corpse, who knows

12: Thing to cook:

Pudding

11: Food:

Noodles or cremeschnitte

10: Restaurant:

One called Anna

9: Radio station:

don’t have one

8: Yankee candle scent:

dreamy summer nights

7: Perfume:

men’s one are my favorite, gotta admit it

6: Flower:

ORchids

5: Color:

purple and black

4: Talk show host:

don’t have one

3: Comedian:

A romanian one, can’t remember his name

2: Dog breed:

German Shepherd, American Eskimo, Border Collie, Golden Retriever, Siberian HUsky there are too many I can’t choose only one

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?

yes I did it oh god

14 notes · View notes

spiderswithtits · 7 years

Text

last

1. drink - Sweet Tea 2. phone call - I don’t answer phone calls 3. text message - Texting Han i’m at her work 4. song you listened to - Blood On My Name 5. time you cried - i almost cried a few nights ago when i wanted to sleep but couldn’t sleep so instead i fussed like a toddler over how much i wanted to sleep

ever

6. dated someone twice - winces yes, sadly 7. kissed someone and regretted it - every dude i’ve ever kissed 8. been cheated on - yep. with a 14 year old when we were like, 17 9. lost someone special - nope. 10. been depressed - quq i’ve been to a hospital for this one. 11. gotten drunk and thrown up - NOPE. SUCKERS.

fave colours

12. Red, orange, brown! 13. Silver, White, Black 14. Various shades of blue and teal and purple.

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends - Absolutely! 16. fallen out of love - Nope. in fact, i am even more disgustingly in love 17. laughed until you cried - DON’T REMEMBER. 18. found out someone was talking about you - o u o nope not in the last year. 19. met someone who changed you - nope 20. found out who your friends are - this is an oddly weirded one. I-I GUESS?? I HAVE MADE FREINDS? BUT ALSO THIS READS AS SUSPICIOUSLY LIKE ‘WHO HAS YOUR BACK AND WHO IS A BETRAYER’ and lemme tell you i haven’t ran into that shit and idc. 21. kissed someone on your facebook friends list - LOL no

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know irl - all but like. one or two.but also i have like 15 friends on facebook 23. do you have any pets - yep! a cat named mooney 24. do you want to change your name - nnnnnnope, weirdly enough. 25. what did you do for your last birthday - nothing |D 26. what time did you wake up today - 8:30! and then had regrets because i slept in. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night - FUCKING AROUND ON DISCORD. 28. what is something you can’t wait for - black panther. 30. what are you listening to right now - nothing 31. have you ever talked to a person named tom - probably, but i don’t remember them. THERE’S SO MANY DUDES NAMED TOM. 32. something thats getting on your nerves - PEOPLE WHO TALK DURING MOVIES I’VE NOT SEEN 33. most visited website - tumblr, NEWS SITES. . 34. hair colour - dark brown 35. long or short hair - long! 36. do you have a crush on someone - i have a crush on han uwu 37. what do you like about yourself - UH WELL. I CAN TYPE 68 WORDS A MINUTE? 38. want any piercings - yes. 39. blood type - NO IDEA. THEY WON’T LET ME DONATE BLOOD.. 40. nicknames - Cal, mostly!. 41. relationship status - Married and grossly happy about it 42. zodiac - Leo 43. pronouns - WHO CARES i don’t uwu 44. fave tv shows - Brooklyn Nine Nine, Channel Zero, cutthroat kitchen, master chef, chopped 45. tattoos - Two, a shitty queen xeno on my shoulder and ripley’s 8 tattoo on my arm. 46. right or left handed - right 47. ever had surgery - never 48. piercings - two in each ear, belly 49. sport - used to do soccer! 53. drinking - rarely. i pass out too easy drinking 54. i’m about to watch - MY WIFE KICK ASS AT OVERWATCH, FUCK YEAH HAN 55. waiting for - mar to admit superiority over me finishing this meme 56. want - my Secret Ships to sail 57. get married - eyes emoji at han 58. career - Programmer! except like, the shittier version where i just click some boxes and call it programming. don’t tell anyone, i sound so much more badass

which is better

59. hugs or kisses - hugs 60. lips or eyes - eyes 61. shorter or taller - taller 62. older or younger - older 63. nice arms or stomach - squishy stomach 64. hookup or relationship - relationship 65. troublemaker or hesitant - troublemaker

have you ever

66. kissed a stranger - lol fuck no 67. drank hard liquor - once 68. lost glasses - once, and then i was physically incapacitated for like an hour until someone could help me come look. 69. turned someone down - multiple times 70. sex on first date - nope 71. broken someones heart - yeah probably, i’ve broken up with a lot of guys 72. had your heart broken - nope 73. been arrested - not yet 74. cried when someone died - yeah 75. fallen for a friend - a few times!

do you believe in

76. yourself - i believe in my ability to stop being a little bitch about things and actually get the shit i need to get done, done. SURE I MIGHT PANIC, BUT AT LEAST I GET SHIT DONE WHEN I DO. 77. miracles - nope 78. love at first sight - nope. 79. santa claus - never. i was poor, i knew why i didn’t get the shit i wanted 80. kiss on a first date - who cares? KISS WHO YOU WANT 81. angels - not really no.

other

82. best friend’s name - handarko 83. eye colour - dark brown 84. fave movie - all of the alien movies 85. fave actor - michael fucking fassbender

#question meme #DONE. THERE #ALL 85

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le-sejour · 7 years

Text

Folly

Words: 1383

Pairing: some very slight Thomas Jefferson x Reader

World: Modern/College AU

Warning: cursing, mentions of furry porn, seductive turtle, Theatre Kid! Alexander, vague to no plotline: just actual stupidity w some romance if you squint

Prompt: Inspired by real chats and true events. One of my greatest friends seriously makes me think of a modern day Alexander Hamilton... Also, he’s a gold mine of hilarious fuck ups and I’m glad I’m there to witness it.

A/N: sweats I’M WORKING ON THE ORGY FIC, ASSUMPTIONS PT2 aND UNDER ARREST I SWEAR I JUST NEEDED TO GET THIS OUT OF MY SYSTEM and also to let u know i’m still alive LMAO

Enjoy~

MacNCheezy: Hey, doll

You: Yes, T?

MacNCheezy: You wanna make $10?

You: I’m not selling drugs for you, Thomas.

MacNCheezy is typing…

Pulling your [h/l] [h/c] hair into a low ponytail, you laughed as the chat window informed you that Thomas was writing and rewriting his response. It was amusing to see him flustered, even if you couldn’t actually see him. The thought of his indignant huffing and puffing was enough to brighten the already shitty day you’ve just had.

Thomas stared into his phone with disbelief. Here he was, genuinely trying to help a friend out (he’ll end up benefiting from this anyway, but, shh) and you were being impudent! The nerve of some people, honestly.

You: Oh, you would know a lot about the drug market, wouldn’t you, sweetheart?

He considers on sending the message then and there, but knew you would jump at the opportunity to Fight™ so he quickly types in his initial intentions.

But your connection to sketchy trades is not why I’m here. I have a commission for you.

ItsKittenBitch: Oh? Yknow I’d rather fuck a cactus than get into bed w you, baby boo.❤️

ItsKittenBitch: Besides, $10 is cheap, even for a corner street hooker.

ItsKittenBitch: Up your game, Teej, and I’ll maybe consider holding ur hand. 😘

The mocaccino incarnate drags his hand over his face in irritation. Why was he asking you again? Oh, right, you were actually more tolerable than the squad you liked to hang around. And also Jemmy was still too sick to help him out.

You: Will you be serious for once, [F/Name]? I’m in a tight spot.

You rolled your eyes as your fluffy haired friend described the situation to you. He lamented over how he had to take care of James while he was swamped with papers for his major and his part-time gig at a local online publication.

You: So you’re basically asking me to be a ghostwriter for a ghostwriter? 👀 👀

MacNCheezy: Yes, [F/Name], that’s exactly what I’m asking you to do.

You: What do I get out of it?

MacNCheezy is typing...

You: I’m kidding, Thomas. Don’t get your hair curlers in a notch.

You: I know I get $10 for 500 words. I’ll do it.

You: But I’m also expecting ice cream and mac and cheese for this.

MacNCheezy: If you wanted a date that badly, you should’ve just asked, sugar. 😏

You: e w, can you not with the emojis, old man? 😩 You trying to be cool is just... sad. 😔

MacNCheezy: Just give the article to me in 3 or so hours, or you’re not getting ice cream.

MacNCheezy: I hear the parlor down the street is having two-scoop Tuesday and it would be a terrible shame for us to miss it.

You: I can get ice cream on my own, ya kno

MacNCheezy: I know for a fact you like being treated to free ice cream because you’re broke, [F/Name].

You: di s gu st i ng. You exploit my weakness for free food.

MacNCheezy: See you in 3 or so hours, sweetheart. 😀 😃 😄 😁 😆 😅 😂 ☺️ 😊 😇 🙂 🙃 😉 😌 😍 😘 😗 😙 😚 😋 😜 😝 😛🤑 🤗 😎 🤡 🤠 😏

You: s T O p 😫😤

It’s been two hours since you’ve been click-clacking away on your laptop, and after agreeing with yourself that you’ve written a decent first draft, you decided to take a break. Drawing one knee up to your chest, you pulled up your web browser and logged onto your Facebook.

Alenhamner Cameltoe: yo [N/Name]!

You: sup non stop kids bop

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I just thought of something

You: wooooah there slow down don’t hurt urself Alex

Alenhamner Cameltoe: Blatantly ignoring that comment fueled by self-hate

I realized why they changed the plot of Anastasia for the stage play.

You: Uh... they did?

Alenhamner Cameltoe: They did.

Rasputin isn't the villain. It's Ramin Karimloo as a violent Bolchevik.

You: huh. Why’d they do that?

Alenhamner Cameltoe: Because...

In the animation, and this was okay for the 90s, right?

Rasputin hates the Tzar over a power struggle so he casts some magic to make the people unhappy and revolt so they kill the Romanovs.

Basically the entire Russian Revolution is because a wizard got mad.

Not because of oppression. Not because of Imperialism..

But because a wizard got mad.

You stared at the screen in slight amusement. Looks like Alex was in his rant days. (You also suspected he was hopped up on several cups of coffee, but you’d let John worry about that.) You shook your head and clicked back to your word document to begin proofreading your piece. You’ll just let him continue to flood your inbox and read over it when he’s done.

After a few minutes of complete silence sans the clacking of your keyboard, you finally realized Alexander had finished telling his story. You read over your piece to make sure it was to your satisfaction before maneuvering back to Facebook.

Alenhamner Cameltoe: So it paints the Romanovs as the heroic victims of this story.

Nowhere does it mention why they were killed and what atrocities were comitted by the aristocracy on the Russian working class.

The plot actually won't hold up today.

Today's audiences wouldn't actually approve of a story like that.

... also you get awesome historical reference lyrics like this.

LINK

The original animation, if released today would be criticized for historical revisionism.

The link opened to another site. You didn’t bother checking the url because it was probably a lyric site or youtube, so you casually scrolled through your newsfeed while it loaded.

A couple of cat videos and a bunch of overused memes later, you found yourself switching to the fully loaded tab.

Boy, you wish you hadn’t because what the fuck.

On your screen sat an anthropomorphic t u r t l e in a very suggestive pose giving you very real, very unnerving bedroom eyes. Chills ran up and down your spine as you checked the url, horrified at learning it was a fucking furry site.

What the fuck, Alexander.

Hastily, you clicked out of that website before going back to your chatbox. You rechecked the site he gave you, wondering if you somehow misclicked. But no, there the link was, bright as day. To a fucking porn site for furries.

You: WhaT thE fU c K, Ha mi lt o n

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I KNOW RIGHT?!

The play might be even better than the animation!

Wait, what am I talking about? Of course the play is already better by comparison because it plays to a more historically accurate context.

You stared at the screen in confusion. Wait, so... he wasn’t pranking you...? Then that meant...

You: yo if yall wanna be furries das fine w me

Alenhamner Cameltoe: Huh?

You: but keep your porn away from me

Alenhamner Cameltoe: ???

!!!!!!!!!

WAIT NO

THAT’S FURRY PORN

REAL LINK

THIS IS ANASTASIA

You: yo I won’t judge ur weird sexual fetishes, boi. Just make sure it’s safe, sane, and consensual.

Alenhamner Cameltoe: NO!!!

NO THAT’S NOT MINE!

THAT’S A PRANK I PLAYED ON JOHN

GOD DAMN IT I RUINED MY HISTORICAL REVISIONISM RANT

You: L M A O

Greatest fails

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I was trying to gross him out for leaving his goddamned turtles out of the cage again.

You: congrats. you only played yourself. 😂

Anyway I gotta go furry boi, Thomas owes me ice cream and mac and cheez

Alenhamner Cameltoe: I’M NOT A FURRY

THAT WAS FOR JOHN!

FOR JO H N !

Cackling madly, you logged off of Facebook. You pulled up your email account and forwarded your finished article to Thomas. Eh, you didn’t bother to proofread it a last time because you knew Thomas would be anal enough to go through it and edit it himself.

ItsKittenBitch: It is I, your savior, telling you that I have sent the feature to your email and demand compensation.

ItsKittenBitch: Now get off your ass and get ready for our date before I change my mind, old man. JemBuns will understand.

Thomas’ triumphant smirk melted into a fond smile as he pocketed his phone, handing James a fresh box of kleenex before getting ready.

#so i made this thing #instead of finishing one of the many wips in my documents folder #i'll finish them someday i swear #lmao #alexander hamilton imagine #alexander hamilton x reader #alexander hamilton #thomas jefferson imagine #thomas jefferson x reader #thomas jefferson #hamilton #hamilton imagine #hamilfics #hamfics

60 notes · View notes

ashesofeternity · 7 years

Text

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people. Tagged by @unbenchthekench kill m e lobster

Last:

1. Drink: uhhhhhhhhhh COFFEE

2. Phone Call: uhhhhhhhhhh mom

3. Text: m y friend

4. Song I listened to: Web of Lies ~ Ayreon

5. Time I cried: thursday... that’s... yesterday isn’t it...

Have you:

6. Dated someone twice: No

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: nope

8. Been cheated on: nope

9. Lost someone special: ehhhhh, not really

10. Been depressed: I think so, like this week I was considering going to a doctor to find out or something lma o

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope

List 3 favorite colors

12. Indigo

13. uhhhh that one green blue copper thing hue

14. some fucking yellow fuck idk

In the last year have you:

15. Made new friends: yeee

16. Fallen out of love: in the last year as in 2016 or 2017.

17. Laughed until I cried: I think so

18. Found out someone was talking about me: yea

19. Found out who my friends are: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh what does this even me an

20. Kissed someone on your Facebook List: I don’t have a fucking facebook

General:

21. How many of my Facebook friends do I know in real life: I DON’T HAVE A

22. Do I have any pets: nope

23. Do I want to change my name: sure I guess, just to get the romanization correct ajkgjsdkhjnsfkh I used to hate my western name but nah it’s alright

24. What did I do for my last birthday: I DON’T REMEMBER???????? I THINK I WENT TO A RESTAUrANT?????

25. What time do I wake up: 11:30, basically. Yes I go to sleep at 8am.... yes I know...............

26. What was I doing at midnight last night: awaiting death

27. Name something I can’t wait for: death... no uhhhh for the month/classes to end

28. When was the last time I saw my mom: like uh yesterday she’s not home yet

29. What is one thing in my life I wish I could change: My Shitty lack of motivation to do anything hey lobster I’m keeping your answer for this

30. What am I listening to right now: The Fifth Extinction ~ Ayreon

31. Have I ever talked to a person named Tom: I... don’t think so

32. Something that is getting on my nerves: life

33. Most visited website: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh idk, according to chrome it’s this news portal

34. Mole(s): uhhhh beauty marks, some on my shoulders and arms, IDK if there’s more asjkhnskfhnfdsh

35. Mark(s): one on my arm WHAT THE FUCK I CAN’T FIND IT WHAT oh nvm found it no need to start a conspiracy theory yet

36. Childhood dream: cronch bones

37. Hair Color: Black

38. Long or short hair: what is this like supposed to uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh I never know if it’ s preference or facts uhhhhhhhhh

39. Do I have a crush on someone: on everyone.

40. What do I like about myself: like uhhhhh most of it, except the things I do, I’m like, good concept, terrible execution

41. Piercing: Nope

42. Blood type: fuck I don’t remember I’ll die because of this won’t I I think it’s b something

43. Nicknames: teb

44. Relationship status: in a commited relationship with my 17 wives (this is an euphemism, it’s actually 17000)

45. Zodiac: leo

46. Pronouns: He/Him

47. Favorite T.V. Show: uhhhhh what the fuck is a television

48. Left or right handed: Right

49. Surgery: I tihnk when I was a baby I fucked my arm up or something idk

50. Hair dyed a different color: Nope

51. Sport: lying in bed dead

52. Vacation: like what does this mean sjkgnhksfdh uhhhhhh last time I went to Vitória

53. Pair of trainers: this is such a cryptic meme dude

More General:

54. Eating: nothing atm, when mom gets home we’ll probably order something I think it’s too late to cook

55. Drinking: Water, coffee, bone hurting j

56. I’m about to: Ignore my huge essay for 2 more days and do it all in the last 2 days I can

57. Want: idk nothing specific right now... god that’s... so fucked up... help akldsjsdklhjsfdh

58. Get married: I have 17 wives.

59. Career: no, no no no not yet

60. Hugs or kisses: fuck dude idk both

61. Lips or eyes: I’d prefer both, that’s kinda bfucke d up.....eyes

62. Shorter or taller: like is this preferences.... .shorter

63. Older or younger: I’ll treat it as preferences and uhhh either

64. Nice arms or nice stomach: for some reason I keep thinking like you can’t have one without the other and you just reminded me that there’s people out there with amputation fetishes so FUCK YOU

65. Sensitive or loud: uhhh sensitive

66. Hookup or relationship: honestly atm neither.

67. Troublemaker or hesitant: these are not... mutually exclusive

Have I ever:

68. Kissed a stranger: nope

69. Drank hard liquor: which ones are hard liquors let me google oh yes

70. Lost glasses/contact lenses: ok so funny story: last year my class went to this uhhhh farmhouse place idk how to define it in english cottage does not fit at all but there was no farm idk this slightly rural place and we stayed there for about a week and uhhh there was a pool, so one time I came back from the pool and I saw glasses on the table and was 100% sure they were not my glasses. After one hour searching I had to accept that they were my glasses. THey did not fucking look lik e my glasses like wtf dude. The lenses worked though so I guess I was wrong.

71. Turned someone down: yea

72. Sex on first date: nope

73. Broken someone’s heart: I guess not really

74. Had your heart broken: yea

75. Been arrested: not yet

76. Cried when someone died: nope

77. Fallen for a friend: yea

Do I believe in:

78. Yourself: not this week but yeah usually

79. Miracles: ehhh not exactly, it’s more blended in with believing in myself

80. Love at first sight: not exactly either

81.Santa Claus: [insert image of köksal baba here] if the little helpers are real so is saint nick

82. Kiss on first date: uhhhh idk

Other:

83. Current best friend(s): there’s like 15 how do I

84. Eye color: Brown

85. Favorite movie: WAIT WEREn’T THE sE 92 QUESTIONS THIS IS WRONG THIS MEME IS A CRYPTIC SCAM I’m NOT TAGGING ANYONE

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chickenfetus · 7 years

Note

all moongan

thank you for asking falen tbh i love u sm and i love doing these

omg is this ask for this ask meme i literally almost posted this along with the wrong ask fml

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

more cereal than mik because.. i dont eat cereal with milk……… i love the crunch

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

as someone who lives in a tropical country is that what its called idk we dont have seasons and it never gets lower than 25 degrees so yes that would be ideal

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

hrmmmmm… i just remember the page number?? or try to lmao if i dont remember i just skim through the pages and try to recognise where i left off

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

with at least 2 packets of sugar tbh…. i dont drink coffee

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

omg story time i went 2 get my braces removed and the dentist wanted to take pics so he was like “smile with your teeth!” and i was like ok! but then he kept saying i wasnt doing it right lmao… guess whos never smiled b4… (me) so he told me 2 practice my smile lol i didnt answer the qn but ya,,, i am probably

6: do you keep plants?

i used 2 be very against plants… now theyre okay i guess i dont rly keep any

7: do you name your plants?

refer 2 6

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

art??? i havent drawn in awhile

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

no LOL

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

on my side!!!! i cant sleep on my back bc i gotta hug smth.. and my stomach is out of the qn

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

🅱️… and .. same brainwaves…. poor mans ____…. this is all from the shady hq im so sorry my other pals

12: what’s your favorite planet?

the moon for no real reason

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

hMMm, watching astro and mx perform??? and just being shady with bell lmao

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

this… question,,,..so im thinking of a bright place with white walls and translucent curtains so the light call fill the (living) room perfectly and everythings really ??? sunny and shit idk its warm… the floor’s made of (fake?) wood and theres a small kitchen bc i cant cook and idk if my friend would be able to lol.. theres 2 bed rooms both are painfully small but it works.. theres one other room with a closet for clothes… the bathroom is just a shower, sink and toilet… theres no washing machine rip and ?? thats about it poor mens life

i watchd the like we used mv again and i realized ...... that is literally where i got this imagery from thanks the rose i love a relatable band

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

heres a fact (?) from me first: it rains diamonds on one planet ?? mecury maybe?? mars??? whomst.. this isnt even a fact its ,me trying to recall shit

ok real fact: There are thousands of other planets out there. sorry lads this website doesnt wanna have fun

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

is spaghetti bolognese a pasta dish

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

im chill with my current hair colour??? bc its brown sometimes idk shitty hair

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

i asked my irl friends (group name: panic support group) and this is what they said

K: everything

E: when u were one hour late (i dont remember this happening but i do know im always late but never for an hour past me wyd)

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

goDD i dont but i sure want to

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

this is strange but every eye colour is my favourite although ppl with two or more colours in their eyes are so cool

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

its just my school bag lmao i got it 4 years ago and i take it everywhere even if the event is “small” and they ask us to bring “smaller bags” ill bring my big ass school bag anyway it looks like this (i dont have to but linking stuff is so fun)

22: are you a morning person?

technically.???its the holidays but i still manage to get up before 10 (most of the time) and … even if i have like 5 hours of sleep i manage to feel awake really easily????

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

tf i just use my phone lmao this is what ive been doing for like a month now… i could watch every vlive i havent watched yet, i could make video compilations i could practice my art but… even though im out of school im still procrastinating.. legends only

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

mmmm falens the closest to that

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

my classroom

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

white converse?? i have 2 get new ones every like 2 years since theyre also my school shoes and break easily….. other than those i have my blueblack converse too (i dont wear them as much so theyre still in one piece)

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

i dont eat bubblegum bc im always afraid ill swallow it and die and im p sure its illegal here

28: sunrise or sunset?

sunset but i dont look outside enough for either

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

hm……… with jen its when she sends me asks on anon despite it being super obvious like im not a Fan when my friends send me asks on anon bc sometimes i cant tell and i get a sense of false hope but w/ jen its okay but i know its her

with bell its when they reply to my keyboard smashes with their own keyboard smashes lmao and when they just??//?? say smth cute abt their faves (lately its been sanha thank u sh)

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

ya lmao when i have 2 sleep alone and its completely dark i have half a mind 2 believe some random supernatural being is out for me

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

hmM. socks are great i always wear them bc i wear shoes almost every time i go outside… i dont have any weird socks bc im Boring but i have 3 pkmn songs and 1 gudetama socks/.. bUT I DID buy my friend those socks with individual toe pockets… it was so funny when my other friend saw it she choked on her drink and almost spat it out. we laughed so hard we hit our heads against each other i love friendship.. i have 2 wear white socks for sch bc… aesthetic? god if i know lmao….. i only ever wear ankle socks bc….. socks any higher than that? cancelled.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

listen ive never stayed up later than like 1am ok maybe 2am??? but i was working on like a project that was due the next day for school with my groupmates (friends) so does that count lmao

33: what’s your fave pastry?

bread………. sugar donuts…….. i am Aware that thats not how u spell it but wtv

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

why does this ask so many qns in 1 qn……. i had a cat?? it had pink stripes and it didnt have a name bc i dont name my stuff… even my pokemon.. and yeah i still have it except its in a big dusty bag where all my other toys are kept

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

i kinda have to use stationary for school so ya.. p often is correct… pretty pens??? i dont rly see the point whoopS!!! in exams u can only use black or blue so

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

im listening 2 day6 so like day6

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

my room isnt even my room i just go there to sleep .. the place im always at is like a study area except its open?? so everyone can see me lol and . its not messy?? if u look at it from far but the shit on the desk and shelves are so fucking messy god i need to pack those

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

aLRIGHT LADS welcome 2 megans ted talk

(skip this if ur not fond of drama)

so something (refer to the song he said suits myday) happened with jae recently and ive seen fans trying to defend him by @ing him and saying that they love him which is fine - great even! but what i dont approve is how everyone’s basically forgotten about the whole matter because they had concerts so instead of @-ing him and asking him to explain himself, they tell him what a great concert it was which is also great bc their concerts are honestly amazing. basically my pet peeve is when ppl dismiss the problematic action of some people just bc they like them.

another thing is that there were some fans who started guilting others for wanting to drop day6 completely because of what jae did and in my opinion i think it is totally cool to want to drop a group if they did smth bad like??? its ur life???? u can choose who you want to like. what is not cool is pulling out all the good things the person has ever done in their entire life and try to remind others about the positive sides of the person. yes. they’re an encouraging person, etc. but that does not cancel out the bad things they’ve done until they explain/apologise. what is infuriating is just the manner some people took it?? they literally went ahead and tweeted shit like “would your parents drop you if you did smth wrong?” and “you’re seriously gonna drop someone whos been nothing been nice because of one incident?” yes. people will and you dont have any fucking right to stop them? so dont go pulling out receipts.

another thing. its also okay to want to stan the whole group even if someone has done smth problematic. like? to me youre cool if youre able to see and acknowledge the bad shit someone has done and still stand by their side while educating them at the same time its nice to have faith in your idols. however, i wont say much when your idols dont respond and/or respond in a way that shows absolutely no remorse. its cool if you want to support them too, despite that.

tldr; dont fucking excuse someone’s behaviour/action just because youre so far up their fucking ass. dont pull out shit from before either, be it good or bad. and lastly, its okay to want to drop/continue supporting them, its your life.

i just wanted to talk about this tbh,, it was nice to see a few mydays trying to urge jae to explain the whole situation but seeing as he still hasnt and couldve it really irks me :-/

okay update its been a day and i havent really thought about this but im kinda conflicted now bc jae still hasnt talked about the song and im probably just making a big deal out of smth that will never happen again but it really doesnt sit right with me knowing that jae recommended that song to his fans and said it suited mydays?? bc looking at the lyrics... i SURE hope not... idk i have neither forgiven or forgotten but he’s okay now.? i cant stay mad at someone for that long anyway ill never forgive him 4 it though lmao petty ppl only

another thing... jae’s still an amazing person to me with all the encouraging words he says to mydays but this one incident is just soOOOOO hrm and i did go off tangent with the question as usual lol

39: what color do you wear the most?

i wear a lot of colours tbh??? but bc its rly hot out ive just been wearing the same shirt every time i leave the house and its black so

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

i dont wear jewelry rip

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

challenger deep

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

hm,, ive only ever visited this coffee shop like more than once bc the girl i used 2 like showed it to me b4 like 2 years ago and it was nice i liked their mocha frappe and its cozy i guess??? sometimes i go there with friends to study/just eat but i havent gone in awhile.., its two stories and it has an open air sitting area too i prefer sitting inside bc the sun is a big no thanks.. the ceiling is kind of like?? going downward?? like the kind iin attics???? idk man it was nice

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

u cant see shit here sorry

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

cant relate

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

yea?? sometimes i just gotta bc my brain wont shut the fuck up

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

suddenly all of the puns i know have left my mind thanks @ me

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

vegetables

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

the dark and whats basically in it???? like ghosts zombies and shit u kno the scary shit

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

i like buying albums?? theres a CD in those so it counts lmao i bought sunrise by day6

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

boxes??? like containers????

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

boxy and letting go by day6

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

YOU KNOW I HAD TO DO IT TO THEM and oh worm

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

me: rocky.. ?????? from astro.. /?? no ive never heard of any of those and i saw the word horror so u wont hear abt those from me any time soon

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

i literally havent been outside for 2 days

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

be petty aka yesterday i changed my twitter icon from jae 2 brian bc jae’s being a child rn so hes out

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

when they ramble abt smth they like thanksk buds

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

is this the song from p!atd i have it in my playlist lmao oh i fucing hate this song i always skip it im not listening

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

idk what either of those are but bell and boxy

59: what’s your favorite myth?

idk any

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

anything that eunwoo has ever written

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

ive given eggs for karissa’s birthday b4 and i got a kermit its not stupid tho its just the closest thign i could think of

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

i drink water juice everyday every minute every hour

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

my books are all in shelves lads i just heard the fucking keys rattle im not doing this shit im logging off night

ok day 3 and im back like i said previously my books are on shelves i tried rearranging them by series b4 but my housekeeper rearrnaged them randomly the next day so i gave up

i make playlists for songs that i like, really like (i still skip them sometimes rip) and songs that my friend recommends me i have a seperate playlist for the songs i like in japanese 2

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

light blue?? like its actually p white bc its cloudy

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

m not rly

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

just. leaves maybe??

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

Horror Movie

68: what’s winter like where you live?

oh winter is fucking fantastic it never gets colder than 25 degrees celsius here and if it does rain it lasts for like 10 minutes

69: what are your favorite board games?

i used to rly like snake and ladders and monopoly :-o

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

im not ready for that kinda death

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

english breakfast or earl gray??? those r like the standard right

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

ya but i never do bc i either forget to or am just 2 lazy

73: what are some of your worst habits?

being lazy + procrastinating :-D

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

okie :-o ..

they’re great ok ive talked abt them like 10 times in the span of 2 months but whatever folks

they’re super nice, kind and just all of the positive adjectives out there in the dictionary ...... they’ve helped me multiple times and they’re always there 2 lend me a listening ear (or in our case, eye lmao) idk??? im just super comfortable around them always and im honestly so thankful we became mutuals (and subsequently friends) last year!!!! i cant say a lot bc ill just get v repetitive but overall they’re an awesome friend and im glad we still communicate daily via twitter and sometimes our skype sessions even if they’re kinda awkward bc i never know when 2 talk bc im scared ill speak and theyll say smth and itll turn into a MESS which actually happened lmao

im looking forward to the day our skype sessions become super smooth and easy going!!!

75: tell us about your pets!

i have none but id die for boxys cats

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

well yeah always tbh but its not smth i have to do but more like want to do im just 2 lazy to get around doing it

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

?? i almost said lemons arent pink but i Remembered...... yellow lemonade

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

i feel like this is an Attack? okay LISTEN so story time again.

on the flight back from japan i watched the alien covenant and i couldnt even get past the scene where the baby alien was gonna kill the poor guy who ended up being locked up with the infected dude as soon as i saw the blood and the alien emerge from the guy’s back i bolted lmao

so to calm myself down nd block that memory from my mind i went ahead and watched despicable me 3.. which HONESTLY im the worst critic ever but in my humble opinion.... the movie was good????????? idk i didnt watch minions the movie though i got lazy again whooopS!

anwyay i sidetracked but im neutral im not a fan but i wouldnt go out of my way to call minions annoying?? bc they really arent? i feel like its only seen that way bc of how people make posts abt how annoying minions are even tho.. they arent??

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

my memory hates me so every specific thing my friends have ever done for me has left my mind but .

the cutest thing? everything my friends do for me

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

theyre yellow and no i didnt theyve been there ever since i could remember

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

lava cake

82: are/were you good in school?

yeah i was good in school for like the first three years and this year i just flopped so badly lmao and its my important year too oh well my exams r over and i still dont have a backup plan in mind

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

all of dance gavin dance’s albums have awesome art

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

back when i was really into 5sos i thought of getting a tally since that was their logo at that time but now no not really unless i decide to get lance’s face tattooed onto my forehead on impulse

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

im keeping up with hq, bnha and tg manga!!!!

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

idk what those r but sure

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

big hero 6

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

who wrote this whats up with these questions

i googled and.. not really?? they all look nice

89: are you close to your parents?

close enough to stand being in the same room as them but not close enough to want to initiate conversations

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

tokyo was really cool (literally) and if i ever go again id love to go with friends so we can explore more??

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

japan was supposed to be the only plan for this year but my grandad passed away so i had to go to malaysia multiple times earlier this year ik this wasnt the qn but ive already went to the planned destination tm so

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

BARELY SPRINKLES A PINCH im anti cheese

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

um. like?? i tie the sides of my hair that cover my face back??? bc i dont like hair in my face

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

bell

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

hopefully something useful

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

i also click remind me tomorrow lmao

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

infp-t, capricorn, hufflepuff (same as falen nd jen yay)

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

uh ive never been hiking and i dont plan on it sorry body

99: list some five (or id never shut up) songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

currently......

when you love someone - day6

like we used to - the rose

crazy sexy cool - astro

death of a strawberry - dance gavin dance

if it means a lot to you - a day to remember

idk if these actually “resonate to my soul” they just sound nice

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

oh worm.. i wouldnt miind either???

i know i have 2 choose but like

if i go back into the past i could be less annoying?? but the past has actually helped me be the way i am today and i think im learning to be a better person?? im definitely way better than how i was previously 5 years ago and im just grateful i was able to learn from my mistakes???

so i wouldnt go back to the past.

if its in the future i can see how ill end up and if its not good i might end up being able to change myself so i dont get my “bad end”..???? maybe or i can just see what happens in the future and i can look forward to it

itll also give me a chnace to have the most fun while i can if its not too nice

so my decision is to go to the future

thank you so much for asking falen god this got so long lmao

#if anybody read through all 100.. thank u and have a good day!!!#softshouyous #asks

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21st-century-flapper · 7 years

Text

got tagged by @cafeleningrad

85 questions

THE LAST

1. drink: vanilla chai cookie tea 2. phone call: mom 3. text message: with @perilsperil, speculating about tumblr suing me for being problematic XD 4. song you listened to: A Sorta Fairy Tale by Tori Amos 5. time you cried: over a video on youtube about a paralyzed kitten. I get very emotional over kittens. 6. dated someone twice: never 7. kissed someone and regretted it: I was 16 and very drunk 8. been cheated on: nope 9. lost someone special: my German grandma, about 25 years ago 10. been depressed: haha I’m bipolar. So I’m going with “major depression” which was last winter 11. gotten drunk and thrown up: never

3 FAVOURITE COLOURS 12. purple 13. dark blue 14. dark green

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU 15. made new friends: yes 16. fallen out of love: nope 17. laughed until you cried: yes. 18. found out someone was talking about you: as in, gossiping? Spreading rumors? Or in a benign way? Because I know my friends talk about me with their friends.

19. met someone who changed you: no one comes to mind 20. found out who your friends are: none of my friends have turned out to actually be assholes, if that’s what you are asking, meme 21. kissed someone on your facebook list: I don’t use facebook GENERAL 22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: I don’t use facebook 23. do you have any pets: Gwyn, the most beautiful of corn snakes 24. do you want to change your name: no. 25. what did you do for your last birthday: nothing big. 26. what time did you wake up: usually around 7, 7:30. 27. what were you doing at midnight last night: sleeping. 28. name something you can’t wait for: Thor: Ragnarok. And finally having full use of my left leg again. 29. when was the last time you saw your mom: errrr I think it was in July? 31. what are you listening to right now: the wind in the trees 32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: yes 33. something that is getting on your nerves: round 241 of the Great Balcony Repair Saga 34. most visited website: either tumblr or Flight Rising 35. hair colour: varies 36. long or short hair: short 37. do you have a crush on someone: no. 38. what do you like about yourself: I’m smart. 39. want any piercings: no. I’m too chicken (says the person with two tattoos) 40. blood type: IDK 41. nickname: Fireez 42. relationship status: married 43. zodiac: Aquarius 44. pronouns: whatever, idc 45. favourite tv show: Deep Space Nine, MillenniuM, Criminal Minds 46. tattoos: two. A unicorn on my right shoulder blade and a sun/moon symbol on my left bicep. A third one is in the works. 47. right or left handed: right

48. surgery: for a broken metacarpal after a car accident. Hip surgery next month. 49. piercing: none 50. sport: mostly yoga. Swimming. 51. vacation: Denmark. Canada, some day. 52. pair of trainers: yup, got one. MORE GENERAL 53. eating: pasta and cake fiend. Carbs are my friends. Not the healthiest of eaters, I suppose. 54. drinking: tea 55. im about to: not sure yet. I wanted to write but I’m too filled with anxiety. With my current levels of executive dysfunction, probably “waffle around for half an hour and then watch a shitty horror movie”

56. waiting for: nothing 57. want: health and a million euros. I can dream, right? 58. get married: am married 59. career: loooool what’s that? A career? In this economy and with my disability? I’ll settle for a job that doesn’t literally land me in the psych ward, thank you.

WHICH IS BETTER 60. hugs or kisses: hugs. I love hugs. Hug me more.

61. lips or eyes: eyes 62. shorter or taller: who cares? 63. older or younger: see above. It’s the age of a person’s mind, not the number on their ID. 64. nice arms or nice stomach: both 65. hook up or relationship: relationship 66. troublemaker or hesitant: depends HAVE YOU EVER 67. kissed a stranger: no 68. drank hard liquor: lots 69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I don’t wear them 70. turned someone down: yes 71. sex on the first date: no 72. broken someone’s heart: probably 73. had your heart broken: kinda sorta it’s complicated 74. been arrested: no 75. cried when someone died: yes 76. fallen for a friend: that’s basically my MO

DO YOU BELIEVE IN 77. yourself: depends. I do believe I am a survivor and a fighter. 78. miracles: no 79. love at first sight: no 80. santa claus: not since I was a little kid 81. kiss on the first date: what kind of puritanism is this 82. angels: see Santa Claus

OTHER 83. current best friends name: I don’t have one best friend, I have several, and they know who they are. 84. eye colour: blue-grey-green-ish 85. favorite movie: The Last Unicorn, Silent Hill, The Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Princess Mononoke

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panickypansexual · 7 years

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ok so I had to do this again because I fucked up the numbers but here we go!

Special thanks to @spastikchildren for tagging me; you’re the real MVP

THE LAST:

1. Drink: Water. Actually, that’s the only thing I’ve drunk all day…huh…

2. Phone call: I dunno! I haven’t called anyone in 2017 at all (because I hate phone calls).

3. Text message: An in depth analysis of a microwave meal. I shit you not.

4. Song you listened to: I don’t know what it’s called, but it’s that really intense party music going on in the background of the video clip ‘fly vs electric screwdriver’. Yeah, the meme-y one.

5. Time you cried: Probably recently? Oh yeah, a few nights ago. I was laughing too hard at a shitpost lol

HAVE YOU:

6. Dated someone twice: God no! I’d rather dieeeeeee (but not really)

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yes, but that’s only because I thought playing the Pocky game with a crumbly wafer was an intelligent decision. Hint hint: it was not.

8. Been cheated on: No, fortunately not.

9. Lost someone special: Not anyone super close to me, but yes.

10. Been depressed: I. Have. Depression. You. Pleb.

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: No, I can’t drink. Actually, I could. I just refuse to.

FAVORITE COLORS (this is actually really hard since I love a lot of colors!)

12. Purple (my all-time favorite)

13. Electric Lime Green

14. Black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU:

15. Made new friends: No, but I’ve gotten a lot closer to some people.

16. Fallen out of love: No.

17. Laughed until you cried: See #5

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes, but it was actually just my mutuals spreading the love, so that was pretty cool.

19. Met someone who changed you: Not in the last year, no.

20. Found out who your friends are: No, but I’ve figured out who I don’t want to stay in contact with after I get out of school.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: No, neither my ex nor my girlfriend have a Facebook (as far as I know).

GENERAL (ooh, nice module!):

22. How many Facebook friends do you know in real life: Most of them, aside from my fake accounts….yeah, I had like 50+ lol

23. Do you have any pets: Yes! I have three lovely cats and a clown loach.

24. Do you want to change your name: Not particularly; no.

25. What did you do for your last birthday: I didn’t do anything ;_; They said the place I wanted to go wouldn’t be good for a party, and then my friend just took our ‘squad’ there and we had fun. So, it felt like a birthday. I might have a real one in the summer to make up for it, but that seems a little….selfish.

26. What time did you wake up: At like 5 AM because I had to pee

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: trying to fall asleep.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: Getting out of this shitty education system! That means: having a full-fledged job (which I’m trying to start now), hopefully living with my sweetheart one day and not being surrounded by assholes.

29. One thing you wish you could change about your life: Less acne!

30. What are you listening to right now: My fish tank’s usual bubbly noises and my overhead AC

31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: Heck yeah I have! His name’s Tom McCall! But not the governor. Just an eggplant I raised….(along with Bob Straub, because Oregon history ftw).

32. Something that is getting on your nerves: me myself and I

33. Most visited website: Probably this one. Youtube would be #2. Or Google, if you could count that. I have a lot of questions. Speaking of that, Wikipedia would be like #3.

34. Moles: Like 5, but I’m going to grow a lot more as I get older. It’s in my genes.

35. Marks: I have one scar on my foot (at least, I think it’s going to be a scar) from a mysterious injury involving my chair and a lot of blood. I also have a small scar near my collarbone the size of an icepick, which I’ve had since I was born (I think).

36. Childhood dream: Staying alive. In other words, not killing myself! And guess what? I achieved it!

37. Hair color: Brunette; chocolate brown with caramel colored highlights if you want to get more specific. It’s my natural hair color (including the highlights).

38. Long or short hair: Everyone loves my hair short, but I fucking hate it. I prefer long hair.

39. Do you have a crush on someone: Er, does my girlfriend count?

40. What do you like about yourself: *nervous laughter*….nothing? I guess my eyes are pretty nice.

41. Piercings: None.

42. Blood type: Both of my parents are Os, so even though I’ve never been tested (hella scared about that), I’m probably an O.

43. Nickname: Aside from Panic/Loli, none. Those are just my online tags.

44. Relationship status: Happily dating a cute girl. It’s unfortunately a long distance relationship for the summer, though…I miss her cuddles.

45. Zodiac: Aquarius/Capricorn cusp, but I’m much more of an Aquarius (so I just typically go by that)

46. Pronouns: y’all/yaint. Just kidding, she/her. I’d set the whole ‘y’all/yaint’ thing as my blog title, but I feel like someone would think I was making fun of pronouns so I won’t.

47. Favorite TV Show: I rarely watch TV honestly, but probably Billy the Exterminator. Reminds me a bit of @spastikchildren, actually. He’s a rocker-type dude who goes around rescuing animals.

48. Tattoos: None.

49. Right or left hand: Assuming you mean my dominant hand, right.

50. Surgery: None yet. I’m terrified of having to get my wisdom teeth out. I’ve never been knocked out before….

51. Hair dyed in a different color: Not right now, but when I start going gray I’ll just become ‘anime grandma’ and dye my hair crazy colors.

52. Sport: MARCHING BAND, which is a sport. If you think it is not, I suggest you come watch me perform after putting hundreds of hours into it (all while my arms are practically falling off).

53. Vacation: I’d rather not. Traveling is stressful for me.

54. Pair of trainers: I have this really sick ass pair of electric colored New Balance shoes that I’m currently breaking in.

MORE GENERAL:

55. Eating: Seahorses. Just kidding, they’re actually giant pieces of barbequed chicken that look like giant seahorses, so that’s why I call them that.

56. Drinking: Water, because these seahorses are (pleasantly) spicy.

57. I’m about to: I dunno. Maybe I’ll play some Don’t Starve. I just watched someone play it and picked up some new techniques that might make it easier for me to play.

58. Waiting for: Nothing in particular, really. I guess for me to finish eating and finish this thingy.

59. Want: To feel like I’m useful and wanted, to have a good career in freelance writing, to take a warm shower because I’m cold, and to ask my girlfriend to spoil me….because I want more hugs.

RELATIONSHIPS (not a category, but I added it so)

60. Get married: Sure, I’d like to get married. But I don’t wanna have kids (maybe I’ll adopt some older ones so I don’t have to deal with screaming shit demons).

61. Career: I’m really hoping I can begin freelance writing, because I really don’t fucking want to go to college (and no, it doesn’t require a degree, I’ve done research on it). I’m trying to start now.

62. Hugs or kisses: Hugs. I have no fucking clue how to kiss people.

63. Lips or eyes: Eyes ftw, though my lips are a delightful cherry pink without any lipstick so I do like that about me.

64. Shorter or taller: I often like taller people, but I really am sort of indifferent.

65. Older or younger: I like to date people the same age (or close) as me. Otherwise, I don’t really care.

66. Nice arms or nice stomach: Uh, I don’t care either way.

67. Sensitive or loud: I’m sensitive all right. But I’m okay with loud noises; I sit behind percussionists after all.

68. Hook up or relationship: Relationship. I need attention and cuddles.

69. Troublemaker or hesitant: HESITANT.

HAVE YOU EVER:

70. Kissed a stranger: uh no

71. Drank hard liquor: No, I don’t drink.

72. Lost glasses/contacts: No. I very rarely wear my glasses anyway, so it’s a moot point.

73. Turned someone down: No, I’m not cute enough for people to have a crush on me. Except for online creepers (which I always turn down).

74. Sex on the first date: No thanks.

75. Broken someone’s heart: No, I get my heart broken most all of the time. I hardly do the breaking.

76. Had your heart broken: YES. And not just in relationships.

77. Been arrested: No, but I think the police have a record for me (I wasn’t guilty of anything, though).

78. Cried when someone died: Yeah, I am a short fuse when it comes to crying.

79. Fallen for a friend: Yes.

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

80. Yourself: Fuck no. I don’t even know if I’m real. I honestly hope I’m not….

81. Miracles: I guess. It’s a miracle I’m still alive, I think.

82. Love at first sight: Yes, but that’s not real love.

83. Santa Claus: Yes, he’s my homie.

84. Kiss on the first date: Depends.

85. Angels: I think it’s possible they exist, but I’m not sure.

OTHER:

86. Current best friend’s names: Probably Cairo and Ana.

87. Eye color: Bluish green with a splash of hazel, but for all intents and purposes, just green.

88. Favorite Movie: Anything really shitty.

I tag: Whoever’s reading this! (and hasn’t already done it)

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michaelguyyo · 7 years

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get to know me meme

Rules: Answer these 92 statements and tag 20 people

1. Drink: Dr. Pepper, everyone knows that already

2. Phone call: Who calls people, scary. Does Skype count?

3. Text message: Usually Nikki or Lizz, stuff has been messy recently though, but I still try and talk to em when I can

4. Song you listen to: Anything by Jon Bellion right now, and that’s it. Guillotine is a banger

5. Time you cried: Yeah actually thanks for asking

HAVE YOU

6. Dated someone twice: Yup! Whether this means multiple dates or getting back together with someone I’ve done it

7. Kissed someone and regretted it: Yee, gotta make new experiences lmao

8. Been cheated on: I’d say so, but arguable I gueeessss

9. Lost someone special: Who hasn’t? Losing people is what makes life painful

10. Been depressed: This is asking me to be too in touch with my emotions

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: Nope! Don’t drink

LIST 3 FAVORITE COLORS: 12-14: PURPLE. Shades of reds, Charcoal.

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15. Made new friends: No I don’t really think so, but I have gotten closer to certain people and I consider that making new friends.

16. Fallen out of love: Absolutely not.

17. Laughed until you cried: Absolutely at some point.

18. Found out someone was talking about you: Yeah gossip is what it is, and I have a lot of um… fans? /s

19. Met someone who changed you: Don’t think sooo…?

20. Found out who your friends are: I learn new things about my friends all the time, friendship is constantly shifting.

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Yuuup

GENERAL

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: All of them?

23. Do you have any pets: 2 Cats! Artemis and Enyo, real cuties. They hate me.

24. Do you want to change your name: Absolutely not!

25. What did you do for your last Birthday: I went to Benihana’s with family and Lizz! It was a lot of fun, I have a cute photo of me where everyone else looks pretty bad lmao

26. What time do you wake up: Fuck you Julia for sending me this hate, calling me out what’s this bullshit

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: Probably Netflix. Just waking up from a nap if I remember correctly, feeling shitty.

28. Name something you can’t wait for: A new start with some old friends in LA. Kathryn has a pool table soooo

29. When was the last time you saw your mom: Before she went to bed, so a few hours ago.

30. What is one thing you wish you could change in your life: I just wish I could repair some shit I messed up. Always trying!

31. What are you listening to right now: Easy by Commodores (Baby Driver is a really good movie by the way, would recommend)

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: This question is oddly specific, but yes. I love Tom.

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: Nothing right now, not really on edge just sad!

34. Most visited website: Probably this god forsaken website

35. Mole/s: Yee I think I have some on my neck and back mostly. Just a few.

36. Mark/s: All over, few scars here and there. FRECKLES, lots of em.

37. Childhood dream: I wanted to make games for a while. Got really into it. My current e-mail still has to do with it lmao

38. Hair color: Dirty Blonde

39. Long or short hair: Short

40. Do you have a crush on someone: Always :) But it’s pointless so, I’m not on a whole lotta people’s favorite lists right now haha

41. What do you like about yourself: Again Julia, fuck this shit. I like how I look most the time I guess >:(

42. Piercings: Nopee

43. Blood type: Who knows (isn’t this terrible? I should know my blood type lmao you know how many blood tests I’ve had done?)

44. Nickname: Mikey McG? Umm Bethani calls me Bagel sometimes. People call me Mike to make me mad often, but I’m over it

45. Relationship status: :(

46. Zodiac: Scorpio

47. Pronouns: He/Him

48. Favorite TV Show: I’d say Sense8 probably, but it just got cancelled so I’m dying a little.

49. Tattoos: None right now, but I’m thinkin of getting some space related tattoos. I think it sounds neat haha

50. Right or left hand: Left hand

51. Surgery: A few when I was real little. Simple procedures I think.

52. Hair dyed in different color: Eeeehhh, not really the type. I like my hair color.

53. Sport: Gymnastics when I was a kid, thinkin of getting into something like it again. Not really a huge sports type.

55. Vacation: Never been outta the country :/// Besides like Mexico before I needed a passport, times were different. I really wanna travel.

56. Pair of trainers: Wtf does this mean

MORE GENERAL

57. Eating: Goldfish :/ you caught me.. fuck u Julia

58. Drinking: Nothing right now?

59. I’m about to: finish these things and then look back on the fact that I just spent so much time doing this.

61. Waiting for: my Prince Charming. Heck Idk

62. Want: Everything to just be okay again.

63. Get married: Yeah eventually, I know it’s a stupid process and society shouldn’t value it, but at the same time, it means a lot these days. So I definitely still think it’s important, because it’s still a big choice.

64. Career: I wanna become a computer engineer! Have for a while, workin on better tech and whatnot

65. Hugs or kisses: Yeah, I’d say so

66. Lips or eyes: Eyes!! But lips are cool too, can’t have bad lips. But eyes are definitely the immediate appeal.

67. Shorter or taller: Shorter, but same height is fine with me too for sure. And I’ve had crushes on girls taller than me, just never worked out.

68. Older or younger: Doesn’t really matter, mature at least.

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: Girls are beautiful.

71. Sensitive or loud: Me? Loud I guess. I try to be sensitive

72. Hook up or relationship: This question is impossible, I refuse

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: Troublemaker I guess ://

HAVE YOU EVER

74. Kissed a Stranger: Yup, by my definition at least. I knew their name and all lmao

75. Drank hard liquor: Nope!

76. Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t have any to lose.

77. Turned someone down: Of course.

78. Sex on the first date: Umm…. Don’t think so? Naw

79. Broken someone’s heart: Too many people. I’m a bad person you see.

80. Had your heart broken: Yeah of course, most people have.

81. Been arrested: Nope, not that bad of a person.

82. Cried when someone died: Yes

83. Fallen for a friend: All of them

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84. Yourself: Fake

85. Miracles: Sure why not

86. Love at first sight: I can live with the idea that it could be real sure.

87. Santa Claus: YES

88. Kiss on the first date: I kiss on most first dates oops. I feel like relationships are different these days, by the time I’m goin on a date we already preeeetty close.

OTHER

90. Current best friend name: Ugh, two weeks ago I coulda answered this in a heartbeat. If it were up to me, I’d have an answer. But I can’t really say I have a best friend right now. I still care about Nikki a lot, and Zany is always there for me so I love him a ton.

91. Eye color: Green/Hazel

92. Favorite movie: La La Land!!!! Before that, Interstellar is solid af

NOW, TAG 20 PEOPLE: Absolutely not. But I’ll hit a few. @perfectly-wasted-youthhh @dyingwhiledriving @sighlizz

Julia I can’t believe you censored this post. There are definitely a few questions missing.

#sorry for the long post #lol #answers #julia you a homie #ily

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hopelesscobwebs · 8 years

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92 Asks Game!

I’m finally doing this. I thought it would be fun and i’m bored af so here we go:

Tagged by: @just-a-crazy-nerd love you <3

LAST

1) Drink: Water (gotta stay hydrated y’all)

2) Phone call: My Dad.

3) Text message: “My legs are dead. All I wanna do is sleep but I have to do music homework” to my friend like a week ago (I don’t text much lmao).

4) Song listened to: Sumertime, By My Chemical Romance

5) Time you cried: Maybe 2 days ago? (I was really sad over MCR), but the last time I really, like really cried was maybe last week.

HAVE YOU EVER

6) Dated somebody twice: ahaha twice? You’re so funny. I haven’t dated someone once...

7) Been cheated on: My cat once slept on my sisters bed instead of mine so that counts.

8) Kissed someone and regretted it: What don’t you get about FOREVER ALONE HERE.

9) Lost someone special: Perhaps, It kinda depends really what you count as “lost”. But yeah, unfortunately.

10) Been depressed: I have been in dark mindsets a lot lately.

11) Gotten drunk and puked: Never been drunk before (I am so cool like that)

THREE FAVOURITE COLOURS

12) Probably Blue, But to narrow it down: Teal

13) Rich purple

14) Probably black

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU

15) Made new friends: Tons (ilysm guys)

16) Fallen out of love: no (kinda yes... but William doesn’t count)

17) Laughed until you cried: Yes, Yesterday (we were bottle flipping and then someone made a seal noise, don’t even get me started)

18) Found out someone was gossiping about you: Hopefully not, there’s not much to gossip about when it comes to me.

19) Met someone who changed your life: If Discovering MCR counts... then yes.

20) Found out who your true friends are: *Ahem*... yes...

21) Kissed someone on your Facebook list: Haha this list of asks is so funny. what don’t you get about NOT BEEN KISSED EVER... *cries*

HOW MANY/MUCH

22) Facebook friends: like almost 400? idek. (I know them all in person btw, i’m not one of those weirdos that just friends anybody). I barely use FB tbh

23) Pets: oh boy.... I have 6 cats guys... thats right, you can call me the crazy cat lady.

24) Want to change your name: My last name yes. Quick, somebody marry me

WHAT

25) Did I get for my birthday: A Spongebob birthday cake, a Vampire Diaries pillow, depression um what... I got to eat all my fave foods in one day, that was pretty special even though i threw up at the end of it

26) Time I woke up: like 9:30?

27) Were you doing at midnight: Watching Frerard video edits...

28) Can’t you wait for: FOR ME TO ORDER MCR MERCH AS A TRIBUTE ON MARCH 22 *cries and dies*

29) Was the last time you saw your mom: like 4 hours ago.

30) Was something you wish you could change about your life: I sometimes wish I was born 10 years earlier but then I remember... there’d be no quality memes for a long time...

31) Are you listening to right now: MCR, what else honestly...

32) Gets on your nerves: When people make up those shitty things like “ UR NOT A TRUE FAN UNLESS YOU HAVE THIS OR DO THIS BLAH BLAH” like stfu, I am a fan in my own way. Racists, Homophobes, just basically anyone who thinks they have the right to tell you not to be yourself, like seriously, fuck off.

33) Talked to a person named Tom: My cat is called Tom, so that counts.

34) Is your most visited website: Tumblr, no doubt (or YouTube or guitar tabs, or Putlocker lets be honest)

35) Elementary school/primary school: I can’t even remember tbh and I ain’t tellin you

36) High School: The one I’m at now. Ha, got ya

37) College: n o , I am too young, gosh

38) Hair colour: Brown/ Blonde (streaks, naturally from sun lmao)

39) Long/short hair: I just cut it all off this year. Think 1920′s hair and that’s me.

40) Crush: There’s a cute guy in my chem class but that’s about it #foreveralone

41) Do you like about yourself: My final wakeup call of music interests. I used to be so shallow in that department. Um.... I guess I like the fact that I get on better with older people (I skipped a year at school so all my classmates are a year older anyways) idek. There’s not really much to like.

42) Piercings: 1 on each ear (i’m thinking of getting a second set) But I barely wear earrings tbh

43) Blood type: Idk, it would be cool to know tho

44) Nickname: Some of my friends call me Em but barely. Emy / Emz by family (if any of you call me that, it’ll be weird lmao) PLEASE START A TREND...CALL ME EM

45) Relationship status: single as a pringle and not ready to mingle please i have anxiety *daydreams about meeting perfect boy*

46) Zodiac: Scorpio yeah boi

47) Pronouns: she/her

48) Favourite show: Supernatural, Miraculous Ladybug (don’t call me a kid for watching it I swear I’ll end u ahaha), Rick and Morty, The Vampire Diaries... I could go on for days

49) Tattoos: I always think they’re a cool concept but i’d probably chicken out at the last minute, so no

50) Left or right handed: right

FIRST

51) Surgery: I got a tooth removed quite a few years back, I went under genral anaesthetic and everything.

52) Piercings: Ears

53) Best friend: Gabby, We don’t talk anymore sadly but I still love her <3

54) Sport: Ummm well i’ve always loved badminton but i’ve never taken a serious sport class before lmao

55) Vacation: I’m pretty sure it was to Melbourne, Australia, We saw some really cool outdoor art and went to see Wicked at some theater, that’s all I remember.

56) Pair of shoes: Say wat?

RIGHT NOW

57) Eating: I wish I was eating

58) Drinking: the dead souls of my enemies wait what

59) I am about to: Rearrange my sitting position and continue to write this long ass ask thing.

60) Listening to: The End, My Chemical Romance

61) Waiting for: My sis to get home so I can use her credit card to buy MCR merch, no really, this is the truth. I n e e ed it

62) Want to see: MCR get back together in 2019 for at least a reunion song or SOMETHING PLEASE. Also, a Panic! concert because I missed the last one in my country. ALSO a Supernatural Convention

63) Want to get married: Well it would be nice, gotta find a guy first, there’s the hard part

64) Career: I never know... I like to think that my dream is to be in a band but that aint ever gonna happen. I really wanna do something that can help people idek.

WHICH IS BETTER

65) Hugs/kisses: Well i’ve never kissed anyone and I lOvE HuGs, THEY ARE JUST SO NICE, LIKE AHHH GIMME UR LOVE, GIMME HUUUGGSSS. If I ever meet any of you in person, I’ll be really shy, but know deep down that all I wanna do is HUG YOU SNDKJGSND.

66) Lips/eyes: Eyes hold secrets, I love them

67) Taller/shorter: gimme da toll peeps, But I love the smol beans too

68) Younger/older: It depends

69) Romantic/spontaneous: probably spontaneous just to keep me on my toes.

70) Nice arms/nice stomach: um wat? idek i dont pay attention to that

71) Sensitive/loud: Sensitive

72) Hookup/relationship: Relationship definitely

73) Troublemaker/hesitant: Hesitant alien

HAVE YOU EVER

74) Kissed a stranger: W h A t D o N t Y o U g E t A b O u T i T... I AINT KISSED NOBODY BEFORE. gosh, way to rub it in *cries*

75) Drank hard liquor: well. i’ve tried some heavy stuff before but it was a sip and I spat it out coz it literally tasted like p o i s o n. Alcohol is so gross

76) Lost glasses/contact lenses: Don’t need glasses

77) Turned someone down: ??? There hasn’t been anyone to turn down god damnit

78) Canoodling on a first date: They gotta earn that, so no

79) Broken someone’s heart: I sure as hell hope not.

80) Had your own heart broken: mcr breaks my heart E V E R Y GOD DAMN DAY

81) Been arrested: no, I am a good gal

82) Cried when someone died: yes, my grandmother

83) Fallen for a friend: Oh boy, yesyesyes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN

84) Yourself: Not really, but I want to.

85) Miracles: I wish for them but I don’t really think they occur

86) Santa Claus: No, I actually never believed in him when I think about it

87) Kisses on a first date: YAS when it’s been all perfect and he walks ya up to your door ABJISLBHDLBHLA

88) Angels: um... Castiel???

89) Love at first sight: Yes but not like first sight, more like first discussion, when you can instantly click with someone in that first moment idk.

OTHER

90) Best friend’s name: Can I just list all my tumblr friends names? Because YOU GUYS ARE ACTUALLY ALL MY FAVES, YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW MUCH I LOVE YOU <3

91) Eye color: Grey Blue

92) Favourite movie: idek there are so many but: The Abduction Club, is one of my faves, Singin’ in the Rain, Sing Street, and that’s all that’s coming to mind atm.

I tag: (all my BEAUTIFUL AMAZING tumblr frens I mentioned before) @omg-i-cannot-even @shipsareamazing123 @mychemicalchinchilla @potterlock5ever @immacrazyfangirl @trashholeofshittybandstuff @shadowgirl077 @that-awkward-fangirl @lizbeth-loves-bobear @anyone i forgot and anyone who wants to do it! go ahead! <3

#asks game #i tag you #tags #tag game #frens #questions #yay #92 asks game!#i love you all so much

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awedbyhersplendor-blog · 8 years

Text

I finished it!!! Alex, I finished it!!!! Your bottom Flint fic!! Well, the first chapter anyway...

So, people, under the cut, there’s the first chapter of a little something I wrote for @glowinthedarkfindel because last month was the one year anniversary of when we met. Like, really, I’ m a little ashamed of it, it’s not really good, but well, it’s a gift and I tried. It’s definitively not good enough for AO3 so it will stay here. I’m just telling you this in case you’re tempted to click on the ‘read more’: don’t. It’s just... unnecessary context and filth at the end of it. That’s like all there is. So just move on.

(I still hope you’ll like it a little Alex! Happy one year anniversary =))

The World In My Eyes:

The first mention of it is brought by Miranda. She tells James about this nice girl she met online and how they’re going to try some ‘new stuff’ which involves handcuffs, a strap-on, several other toys, and new lingerie. James is very… suspicious to say the least, especially when Miranda shows him the pictures of the girl who just looks like a schoolgirl in a sweater. Miranda assures him that this is fine and goes to her rendezvous one Friday night. She calls him one hour after she left to tell him everything is fine. The next day, she comes back glowing and tells him he should do the same. James rolls his eyes and goes for his morning run.

The next mention is just as strange as the first: he is ‘celebrating’ the closure of a deal with the Hornigold Industries. Benjamin Hornigold insisted they celebrate in a strip club which is something quite beyond James but Gates convinces him to comply. He even has the balls to tell him to enjoy it.

So James goes to the club, suffers Hornigold, Dufresne, loud music, crowds, and people thinking he is straight. In the end, he even tips a girl so she comes sit in his lap which is the only way to keep anyone from speaking with him. After he tells the girl he isn’t really interested and just needs a diversion, they have a most wonderful conversation about Hirsh, Gadamer, and hermeneutics. When Gates asks him if he’s ready to go, he nods and tips the girl again. The girl smiles and tells him he’ll never guess the relaxing virtues of getting whipped. This is such a cryptic message, but then again, she is on the Hirsh side of hermeneutics, so he doesn’t ask.

The memory lingers for several days. He finds himself thinking about it when he’s driving, when he’s waiting for his coffee, when he’s taking a guilty smoke break. He wonders how that would feel like, to let someone else take the reins for once. He doesn’t even let other people cook his food (except for Miranda of course) how could he let someone else being in control of him, of his body, of his pleasure?

He had, of course, played a little with Thomas because, what haven’t they tried anyway?? He had tied Thomas’ wrists together and put a blindfold on him while he had straddled his hips once. Thomas had enjoyed it so much he had tried to do the same to James, but they had gotten lost in the middle of it, and James had wanted to hold Thomas, to see him, and he had been unbound. James, however, had not wanted to find a new partner for a very, very long time after his death. He still wasn’t sure about wanting one now. And diving directly into whips and being bound? It felt downright absurd.

Then comes a bad day. Most days are bad days since Thomas is gone, but some days are extra shitty. This morning, he had caught a glimpse of a tall blonde man and, for half a second, he had thought this was Thomas. It had felt like missing a step in the dark. His heart had missed a beat before he could realize that this was, in fact, not Thomas. It had felt like losing him all over. He had been snappy all day and Gates had to make an intervention and send him home at 5. James was never home at 5.

Miranda had made him a cup of tea before going back to working on her computer, on the couch. James had sat next to her, soothed by the noise of her fingers on the keyboard. He witnessed her check her emails and a tchat room several times after 6, and he knew she was probably waiting for a message from the sweater schoolgirl. He felt… jealous… no, not jealous, but… envious… He wondered if he could feel the doubt and the excitement of messaging someone on a regular basis (for non-work related matters of course)

“How is it going with the girl?” James asked. Miranda had never told him her name. Anonymity seemed crucial.

Miranda smiled: “She’s good, James. What do you really want to ask?” That woman had always been too perceptive. James shrugged and remained silent for a minute or two, nursing his tea cup.

“How does it work, this… website?” He eventually asked. Miranda smiled at her computer screen but he knew the smile was meant for him.

“I really need to send this article tonight, so why don’t you go make dinner and I’ll explain while we eat, alright?”

James nodded and pulled himself out of the couch’s embrace to make some coconut cream rice with sauté taro. They needed to go back to that market: they were running out.

An hour later, Miranda was showing him how to select profiles, how to start messaging other people, and why anonymity was so crucial. James knew he was sold as soon as he saw that, despite the website’s… garish… design, everyone here seemed pretty serious (and made very little and minor spelling mistakes) and not everyone seemed young which made James feel less like a creep.

He still decided to sleep on it and went to his bedroom to read when he heard Miranda pick up her phone and greet the caller with a glowing smile and a ‘hey, my little rose’.

***

The next day, he found himself wondering about what he could write in his profile at the strangest times. He almost started an email with “44 year-old man, in search for..” before he realized Eleanor Guthrie might not appreciate it.

He started writing some drafts of it in his phone before realizing how tense he was every time he reached for it afterwards for work purposes. It seemed that everyone could now see how depraved he felt as if it were written on his forehead. Which of course it wasn’t. He checked.

So all in all, the day was spent like any other day: coffee, commute, work, work, coffee, meeting, coffee, work, work, work, eating a salad at his desk while working, work, work, black tea, the afternoon meetings, more black tea, and more work.

Gates left at 8, and Miranda called him at 9 to tell him that he better start heading home.

James listened to Depeche Mode while he was driving, trying not to think about how ridiculous his latest draft sounded.

***

“I can’t believe I just did that.” James confessed, looking blankly at his computer screen.

“Congratulations! We just finished writing your profile! I can’t believe it took us this long.” Miranda answered next to him, rubbing her hands over her tired face.

“Well, someone kept changing what I wanted to write…”

“You sounded like a psychopath, James. No one on their right mind writes: ’44 year-old man. Likes Leonard Cohen and Depeche Mode. Dislikes chain coffee shops. I’m fine with meeting you in anywhere, and I can make sure you get home safe.’ I mean, really, they probably felt safer before you wrote that?”

“Well, it’s true, I do want to make sure they get home safe, especially if we meet in the evening!” James tried to defend himself. Miranda looked at him silently. “Alright, it did sound creepy. Thanks for getting my back for this one.” He conceded.

“I’m glad you feel that way. Now can we please talk about your ‘Looking for’ section? Because this is the vaguest thing ever. I mean, anyone between the age 30 and 40, non-smoker… You didn’t even specify what gender you were more attracted to. I’m afraid people are not going to be encouraged by this.” Miranda added.

“I don’t even know what I’m looking for, to be honest, Miranda. This entire thing is very… blurry. Impulsive. Not a good idea at all. Let’s just…” James began to read for the computer but Miranda quickly pushed it out of his reach, towards her, protecting it closely.

“There’s no way you’re erasing all this work!” She nearly shouted at him, almost comically offended. “Dear, we haven’t even uploaded your profile picture yet.”

“Oh god, the profile picture.” James exhaled, closing his eyes. “Can’t the pictures from the last camping trip do?”

“Oh, you mean, the pictures where you turned your back on me every time I tried to take a nice picture of you?”

“I’m not the most photogenic of people.” James tried.

“Well it’s not a question of being photogenic or not, but of having a great person behind the camera, which you have.”

“I can’t take picture tonight, it’s late and I look like a mess.”

“Tomorrow morning, before you get to work, I’m going to assault you with pictures so we’ll have at least one good one for your profile. Now get yourself to bed, loverboy.”

“I’m not sure you’re supposed to say ‘loverboy’ to a man in his forties, dear.” James replied, rolling his eyes.

“Of course I can. I hang out with the kids, I’m hype now. I even know some memes.” Miranda answered with a laugh.

“Good night, Miranda. Don’t stay up too late.”

***

The next day, James woke up and headed directly to the shower. He looked at his face in the mirror and sighed. He was too old for this. Too old to even be thinking about this. Who on earth might be interested in any pictures that could be taken of him, or any awkwardly-worded profile, or…

Well, he had to admit he had envied Miranda quite a bit when he had seen her talk to that schoolgirl, but maybe this whole dating site was not meant for him. He shook his head at his own foolish expectations and stepped in the shower.

He had forgotten how serious Miranda was about her promises until he stepped out of the bathroom while buttoning his shirt up. He was assaulted by the repetitive noise of the shutter as Miranda kept taking pictures, even when he protested: “Christ, Miranda! You can’t..! I wasn’t ready!”

“That’s the point, dear,” she replied, “we can’t have you all tense and awkward as you’re posing. Better capture you in your natural habitat.” She explained.

“Why do we even live together?” He mumbled grumpily, without any edge to it.

He even made her coffee the way she liked, even though she didn’t deserve it. He did his best not to listen to the ‘click click click’ of the camera as he set the breakfast table.

When he left for work, Miranda was staring at the pictures she took while distractedly putting her shoes on: “I’ll send you the best pictures so you can decide which one you’ll upload.” She promised as James got to the front door.

“Thanks,” James said, “for everything.” He then closed the door and braced himself for his commute.

***

He had been in his midday council with Gates (it was more of a ‘bitching about the incompetents you work with over a salad while Gates is preventing him from firing everyone’ meeting than a council but still) when he had received the pictures Miranda had selected for him. Two of them were ruled out immediately since they featured him buttoning his shirt up and that looked way too cliché, never mind how he would answer how those pictures were taken in a platonic way, should anyone ask. One of them showed him on his computer, and gosh, did he always look that angry when he was checking his emails? The one where he was pouring milk in his cereals was almost immediately ruled off, because seriously? Talk about inappropriate domesticity and innuendos.

In the end, only one remained: it was a three quarters picture of him making coffee. He had rolled his shirt sleeves up and looked at his mug intently as he poured dark as midnight on a moonless night coffee in it. He looked less angry than in the other pictures. More relaxed. People could still see his features, and they had a nice view on his shoulders, which, he thought, might please them.

He waited until Gates had finished talking to shrug and promise he was not going to fire the IT guy even though he hummed along annoying dubstep songs loudly during work hours (who even hums along dubstep?) to tell Miranda he was going to upload the ‘coffee picture’ as his new profile pic.

She answered with a smiley. The =) smiley. He hated that one.

***

James uploaded the picture during lunch and forced himself not to check any messages afterwards. He’ll look at them at home, once he was finished with his work, if such thing was actually possible.

He tried really hard, but that report was sucking the life out of him and he just had to check. It was almost six and that was seriously a lot of messages. James did his best to angle his phone in a way where there could be no reflection in the window behind him. He didn’t need anyone to know he was on a BDSM… dating… website… thing…

He was used to receiving tons of emails and messages so he quickly skimmed through them. A lot of them were from young men (some of them very young, and he was not attracted by the school uniform, unlike some) asking him to do very filthy things to them. James knew he was in for it as he signed up, but he found himself indifferent to all those suggestions. He sighed to himself: what worked for Miranda might not work for him after all.

He thought about the girl in the strip-club and how she said ‘getting whipped’ not ‘whipping someone’.

One message gets his attention. It’s from another young man, slightly older than the others, thankfully, telling him: “Interesting how you ticked the ‘dom’ box instead of the ‘sub’ one. Might want to change that one before anyone gets any ideas ;)“

James hates that smiley too. And that username. ‘stompstomp’ really? How ridiculous is that?

Slightly less ridiculous than ‘l00kin-4-d4ddy’, granted, but still…

Now, James knows he should leave it for tonight, answer it (or not) with a cool head, in the comfort of his home, with Miranda’s counsel, not at work, in front of an unfinished task. So there’s really no explanation for how he found himself looking at the guy’s profile.

He’s quite good-looking. Long dark hair. Impressive blue eyes. He even has a guitar in one of the pictures. The kind of guy who makes girls blush and feel faint. James refuses to admit he might blush and feel faint should he ever encounter those arms and those abs in real life.

The guy had ticked the ‘dom’ box too. Why is he even talking to him? What’s his business telling people if they should be doms or subs? Why would he be even interested in him? He looks like he receives a lot of messages.

He writes: “Does telling people they’re wrong about their own profile usually work for you?” sends it before he can over-think about it, and shoves his phone in one of his drawers.

***

At 8, Gates walked past his office, looking very tired, his shoulders rounded and steps quite slow. James felt like Gates looked. He called out for him, asked him to wait for him so they can walk to their cars together. He checked any last minute email he may have received, but none of them was truly urgent, so he switched off his computer for the night, closed the curtains and walked out, almost forgetting his phone.

Almost.

James tried his best to cheer Gates up, but it felt so foreign he was sure Gates noticed. But Gates was a good person, maybe the only good person in this office, so he made an effort to look more cheerful.

When they reached his car, James blurted out a “Thank you.” which surprised Gates so much his eyebrows shot up to where his hairline might have been a long time ago. Gates looked at the phone clutched in James’ hand, seemed to find something hilarious in that, and pat James on the shoulder before getting in his car.

James tried not to be puzzled. He sat in his car in the mostly-empty parking lot and gave in the temptation of checking his phone again.

He didn’t bother checking any other messages than those sent by the infuriating ‘stompstomp’ (which is, even more infuriatingly, the only message he has answered so far) It said: “I actually don’t know: you’re the first one who looked good enough to correct. Let me know how I’m doing ;)”

That smiley again.

James tried not to be flattered by the compliment. He didn’t answer either and tucked his phone in his pocket before starting his car.

Today’s playlist was mostly Stravinski because why not?

***

Miranda was checking her own phone more than she usually does as she cooked but James didn’t remark on it. She’ll talk to him when she felt like it. He spilled the beans about the mysterious ‘stompstomp’ instead, showing her the messages, in an attempt to lift her spirits up. She laughed but will not offer any advice about how to answer.

She told him: “He obviously enjoys your grump, so be yourself.” If that had been a text, she would have used the same ;) smiley.

He wondered if that was why he was so curious about ‘stompstomp’.

Later, in his bed, he found himself wondering about it still. He was only wearing boxers, eyelids heavy and mind fuzzy with sleep, but he found his bed cold. Every time he reached out to the other end of his bed and found no one, he felt like he has missed another step in the dark and felt that short burst of panic-realisation because oh, right… Thomas is gone…

So he texted ‘stompstomp’: “What makes you say that I’m not a dom?”

He sent immediately after: “Also please, give me another name I can use when referring to you, this is becoming a torture.”

James barely had the time to set his phone on the nightstand when he got an answer: “You come out very forceful about the dom thing, but you have no idea about what kind of sub you want. I think you know exactly what kind of dom you’re looking for and that’s what you’re trying to embody instead. You’ve never been a sub, have you?”

“Also, you can call me John. The username is just a nickname I give myself because of the noise my prosthetic leg makes.”

***

James didn’t know why he didn’t ask Miranda what she thought about the whole dom/sub thing. He was just having his own existential crisis in front of his coffee mug while she talked about the editing she had to do before going to that wonderful tea salon with the schoolgirl.

It felt like John (whom he calls by his first name now, like they’re some kind of friends, which they’re really not) had successfully gotten under his skin and had decided that he wouldn’t leave. He was here when he asked his secretary to get him the Teach files a little too abruptly, asking him: “So is that what you’re truly looking for and feel like you have to embody yourself?” He was here when he was eating his sushi in peace with Gates, making him wonder where John was right now, what kind of job he had, what he usually ate for lunch, if he was seeing anyone else…

It had to stop, James told himself as he corrected another typo later in the afternoon.

Just one look so he can get it out of his head.

He didn’t know what he was expecting since he still hadn’t answered John’s texts, but he still felt disappointed when he saw that John had been online seventeen minutes ago and hadn’t messaged him.

It actually bothered him that John might think he was not answering because he was bothered by the prosthetic leg.

“No, I’ve never been a sub. Nor have I been a dom either, for that matter. Have you?”

“I have. Both. I do prefer being a dom. If you’re looking for a polite way of telling me you don’t want to speak to me because of the prosthetic leg, don’t bother. Just tell me.”

James hated that he had noticed the absence of the infuriating ;) smiley. “I’m not, actually. I’ve been thinking about what you said. You’re not the first person hinting at it.”

“Oh, interesting. Have people tried to get you to bend the knee for them? :)”

“They told me it could be relaxing. I have no idea what could be relaxing about being a sub, but then again, I haven’t truly done my research.”

“You definitively should if you want to go further with anyone. Have you taken a sub yet? I bet you received a lot of offers…”

James ignored the remark about the offers. He might have received new messages since last night alone, but he didn’t really care about what they said. He didn’t want to confess that.

“Do you have any reading recs about that?” He asked instead.

John almost took twenty minutes to answer him. James did a lot of productive things during those twenty minutes. He certainly did not re-order his pen drawer and put his paper clips in a straight line in growing order, his eyes constantly drifting to his phone’s screen.

John’s answer had several links. Some of them were articles. Some of them are posts from specialized forums. Some of them are books.

“Thanks for all that. I’ll read them tonight.” He messaged back.

“No worries. Enjoy your bedtime reading ;)” John answered almost right away. “Also: your profile pic is like, the most beautiful thing ever, like drooling material, but it doesn’t give justice to how sweet you actually are.”

James did not blush. He. absolutely. did. not. blush.

***

“Hey, you haven’t asked any questions in a while, are you still reading stuff?” John sent one evening, when James was in bed, reading about bondage.

He hadn’t asked John any questions in the last two days, that was true. For them, two days without questions was a big deal now. Indeed, for the last two weeks, James had spent his free time reading everything John had sent him. He knew he was somewhat lacking in that particular field of knowledge, but he never thought he was this lacking. The things he learnt.

He had actually asked Miranda why she had signed him up on that website without any kind of knowledge, but she had just smiled at him, that bad-news-you-are-going-to-come-while-sobbing smile and said: “My, my, I never thought you would actually get into this.”

He still hadn’t said anything about him considering the submissive part of the equation.

He knew there is no shame in it, but he just… it felt… very personal. He wouldn’t tell her that he wanted to submit to someone’s expert touch like he wouldn’t tell her that he touched himself every night now.

Sometimes he wondered if she knew it anyway.

The more he read about what to expect, the more he had that thrill to try it. Because it would feel so foreign. Because it would feel so welcome. Sometimes he would read something about how good it felt to just kneel for hours, or how cleansed you might feel afterwards and James would experience this revelation like a surprising truth you might stumble across at the turn of a corridor and then realize that you expected it.

James didn’t know how he felt about it. He didn’t even know if he wanted to try it.

John had asked him how he felt about trying it one day, when James had brought up spanking, how humiliating it would feel for him and how he couldn’t get it out of his head. How curious it was to want such things. James had replied he didn’t know if he actually wanted to do more than just read about it.

John had been surprisingly understanding about it. Gentle and understanding. He always answered his questions right to the point and sometimes shared some of his experience with it, but never in a way that would suggest he was trying to convince him to do it with him. He was just answering his questions as best he could. That was nice of him.

Not that he didn’t tease now and then. Especially about gags.

They did talk about other subjects, sometimes. John liked to comment on customers coming to the restaurant on a disastrous first date, or on customers complaining about getting exactly what they ordered. He had a quick wit. He also gave James some cooking tips sometimes, which was nice. John always listened to James complain about his job, about how much he wanted to strangle that one person who mixed up the files and about how no one understood how black coffee actually meant black coffee, not ‘put a little sugar pack next to the cup’.

James didn’t mind when John joked about it and called him a grump. He knew he should mind, but he couldn’t bring himself to.

So back to the day Silver asked him why he hadn’t asked any question in a while, James found himself oddly… embarrassed by it.

“Sorry, I’ve been busy reading. What about you?” He answers.

“No worries about that. I was just wondering if I had finally bored you.”

“I should ask the same. I’m pretty sure you’re not here to teach submission classes.”

“You’re right, I wasn’t here to teach people, but boy, do I enjoy it ;)”

“Do you always finish your sentences with ;)?”

“Only the ones I send you ;)”

James rolled his eyes and settled more comfortably in the bed. He was hit by the realization that he was feeling more relaxed now than he had been for the last two days he hadn’t talked to John.

“Isn’t it a little late? Don’t you have the late shift tomorrow?”James asked.

“Define late shift when working in a restaurant. But you’re right, it is quite late. I just wanted to know.”

“Know what?”

“I don’t know… If you were bored of me. If you had found someone else.”

“I would have told you if I had.”

“I can’t believe you exist. Like how can someone be so grumpy and so sweet simultaneously? I bet you don’t even know you’re being incredibly sweet right now.”

“Do you want to go investigate this mystery, Mulder?” James replied right off the bat, because he thought it was funny.

James realized, right after the message has been sent that he essentially asked if John wanted to meet him.

John took a very, very long time to answer. James tried not to slap himself mentally for that. He had wanted to meet John, sure, but he felt like he should prepare for it first, ask where John liked to hang out, if he had met other people from the website… Not ask him late at night after a two-days silence.

What a mess, James thought, the thought reverberating in his head, refusing to leave him alone, even as he tried to focus on what he was reading before, waiting, dreading, John’s answer.

He wouldn’t begrudge John if he chose not to answer and maybe, never contacted him again.

He should probably tell him it was a joke and he fully understood if John didn’t want to meet… But John was clearly typing… Had been typing for the last five minutes, at least.

It wasn’t making James nervous at all. He didn’t want it to make him nervous.

James had given up, getting ready to go have an uneasy night, when John finally answered:

“Right off the bat, I want to say yes, but I know I’m tired and a little lonely, so I think I should take some time to answer.” And almost right after: “If that was even a serious offer and if I didn’t misread your message entirely, which would be quite embarrassing, aha”

James smiled at his phone, feeling the absurdity of the situation: “You haven’t. Take the time you need. And go to sleep, it’s late.”

“Cinnamon roll, too good for this world, too pure ;)” John answered and James knew it was one of those ‘memes’ everyone kept talking about. James shook his head and put his phone on the night stand. He didn’t sleep as badly as he thought he would.

***

After the first day of silence since that X-Files joke that got out of control, James started loosing hope. He still felt it linger when he checked for new messages, when he heard his secretary talk about how cinnamon rolls were not that pure with Billy who probably had no idea about what it was all about either, when he followed one of John’s cooking tip, but he knew it was gone. He knew John was going to send him a message saying that, while he liked talking to him, he didn’t want to meet. He didn’t want to try anything with someone who had so little experience. With him in general.

John probably got thousands and thousands of messages every day. Who wouldn’t want to let him do whatever he liked to them?

James wondered if he should answer another message. He had received quite a lot of them (or at least it feels quite a lot on the little red notification bubble) but he didn’t really want to read them, or get invested with someone else just yet.

So he tried to give up waiting after two other days. He tried not to think about how John was probably working on his shift right now. How today was that day in the week when he indulged in a cappuccino in that special coffee shop he found. He couldn’t believe he knew so much about John and yet, nothing at all. He wished he could stop imagining how John closed his eyes because that coffee was so damn good, how he waited for his train home to arrive, how he might put his hair in a messy bun because it kept falling in his eyes…

Miranda asked him how the search is going. James shrugged and said he has other things to do anyway. Miranda baked him that chili dark chocolate tart he liked so much the next day.

A week after, Flint was trying really really hard not to check his phone on a hourly basis. He was starting to look up that yoga class Miranda told him he should attend. He had watched his comfort movie last night, curled in the sofa with a blanket, while Miranda was out with the schoolgirl, trying not to hate himself for allowing someone online to have such impact by merely being silent.

He hates that he had thought things would get bet…

Was that a new message?

It was.

It was from John.

James wondered if he should wait before he opened it. But what would that accomplish exactly?

He opened it.

“Hey, sorry for the long wait. I really want to meet you. Can we go out for drinks if you’re free this week-end?”

***

James checked his phone for the nth time. Yes, this was the place, it had the name John gave him on it, and google maps was adamant that this was the place.

He was five minutes early and he didn’t know how to feel about it. He didn’t know how to feel about anything to be honest.

He just walked in. It was a very quiet place. Someone was playing guitar on a small stage. Some people were chatting a little further back. No one looked like John.

James went to the bar and asked for a beer to start slow while waiting for John. The woman who served him took a long look at him and scoffed to herself. James has no idea what he had done.

John texted him right on time (suspiciously right on time) to tell him he was here. James barely had time to look up his phone when someone sat on the stool right next to him.

“Hey.”

James didn’t even need to turn to him to know it’s John. He could practically hear the ;) smiley in his voice.

His voice was deeper than he expected, however. He smelt good, like cream and coconut, if that made any sense.

John was casually perched on his seat, letting James stare at him while he was staring at James in return.

James understood now. Why people would just follow orders, even humiliating ones, just because they were uttered by someone they trusted. By someone they wanted to please.

James wanted very much to please John. He couldn’t really pinpoint it. Was it the most astounding blue eyes? Was it the carefully groomed beard? Was it in how strong his shoulders looked? Or maybe the way he just… was next to him. Like he was taking him in, watching him, taking notes, a quiet possession that James felt no remorse in letting happen.

There was something quite incredible, a bright, burning feeling inside somewhere between his chest and his stomach, awakened by Silver’s sharp blue eyes. It made him crave his hands.

“Christ, who takes your pictures?” John said next to him with a very appreciative smile which made James glad he had listened to Miranda about wearing that henley shirt.

Before James could reply anything (which, no doubt, would have been incredibly incriminating) the woman who had served him his beer interrupted with a: “Get a room you two already!”

“Can’t,” John replied. He knew her. “Have to buy him a drink first. Can I get a beer? The same he’s having?”

“I don’t know,” She answered, “Can you?”

John stuck his tongue at her and she shook her head. She did bring him his beer though.

“So you know this place.” James said when they were all set.

“I do. Used to work here when I arrived in town, before I got a job at the restaurant.”

James loved how he elided his first person pronouns. It made everything sound so casual he couldn’t help but relax.

John couldn’t seem to stop looking at him. That too felt nice.

***

After their first drink, they moved to a booth. More people were coming in and it was difficult to hear each other talk. John got the second round and they settled a little away from the crowd.

Some parts of the conversation were a little awkward, of course. They both avoided the subjects how they met. John did tell him, in passing, that he has read up on first-time subs experiences, but it was more in a “I read this last night, what did you do?” way.

Everything about John sounded and looked casual, except for the way he looked at James. It was consuming, really. John was taking all of him in. The way he moved, the way he said his ‘m’ and his ‘h’, the way he drank. James watched him back and sometimes they lost track of their conversation because James had been distracted by John’s throat while he drank and John had been staring at James being distracted.

When they realized they had both tracked off, James would lift an eyebrow at them and John would just laugh a little, looking down on his drink with a smirk.

“Look, uhm…” John started after they had drifted off for the third time. “I didn’t expect you to have so much effect on me. I swear I’m usually much more articulate. I’m sure you’ve had better conversations…”

“I know you can be more articulate: we’ve talked nearly everyday for over a month. And I drift off too.” James answered.

“So, you feel it too, right? I mean, I’m not the only one in this?” John stared at him and James almost feels like he can’t lie to him. He finds himself not even wanting too.

“It depends what you refer too by “this”.” He teases.

John smiled and shook his head a little before reclining on the back of the booth. He followed James’ eyes to his throat. Damn but that shirt was tight and opened far down. He smiled when he caught him.

“It feels like I need to keep my hands off you if I don’t want things to escalate far too quickly. That’s the only reason why I’m still on that side of the booth.”

“What makes you think I’d let you?” James asked with a toothy grin.

“I don’t know, the fact you’re leaning into me at every movement I make. Or maybe the fact you’re watching my hands like you want me to put them somewhere. You know, I didn’t expect my predictions about you to be quite so accurate.”

“What predictions?”

“About you being a sub. But you were standing so… tall and straight and impassible. Like you’re just expecting everyone to bend to your every whim… And yet when I came up and sat next to you, you just… relaxed. Like you found someone you can hand the reigns to and you were happy to do just that. It’s gradual, though. You just… let go by degrees. It was so subtle I was doubting myself, which doesn’t happen often for your information, until we moved to the booth. Do you realize how you just… darted to action when I suggested it?” John chuckled, almost to himself, his eyes fixed on James’ mouth.

He sipped his beer before pressing the cold glass against his throat. He looked so relaxed James could barely believe they were in public. It felt like they were the last people sitting around the campfire, or on a roof, too distracted by each other to remember that the night can end.

“It feels like we move so well together,” John continued. “Like you’ve been expecting someone to play the role you’ve been playing and… here I am.” John smirked.

It should be infuriating, really. Like the smileys he used. James found himself intrigued instead.

“Let’s imagine you’re truly the one I’ve been expecting all along, what made you interested in me?” James asked and he knew he should slow down on that drink, but he didn’t. He was at that nice, tipsy, everything is floating moment that made everything else far away, like stars. Everything but John looking at him.

“Gods, you don’t know… No, I think you know… You’re so goddamn beautiful. All of you. I liked you when we talked. I imagined that, even if that picture wasn’t faithful, at least, you would be fascinating enough to have a drink with. But you’re goddamn beautiful. Your freckles, your eyes… You know they’ve changed colour at least three times since we’ve been here? Your thighs as well. They’re the reason I’m still sitting over there. They look too touchable.”

James couldn’t do anything but laugh a little at that. He was trying not to blush. Maybe the alcohol and the general temperature of the room would explain it. He was drawn by John’s voice. He wanted to hear it against his ear. He wanted to feel John’s lips against his skin. He wanted John’s hands on his thighs. Everything John suggested, he wanted. He wondered how John’s skin tasted, how his hair felt. He wanted to touch him too. He felt want low in his stomach, like a comfortable heat blooming, moving outward, tightening his skin, making his breath deeper. He wanted to let it pull him down, drown him, but he didn’t want to surrender to it just yet, not when Silver was still over there, arching an eyebrow at him in question.

“I’m sorry, have I said something funny?” He asked.

“We’re dirty talking to each other in public.” James answered.

“Do you object to the action or to the setting?”

“You know which.”

“So would you agree to… meet me somewhere else?”

James knew he shouldn’t make decisions when he could barely remember which door was the exit, but he had to confess that he had made this decision as soon as John had smiled at him.

“I would.” He nodded.

John looked at his beer like the cat who got the cream. There was an hint of something else there too. Something warmer than just play. When he looked up, John looked like he was trying to contain a victorious smile and couldn’t quite succeed.

***

They ended up leaving soon after. They didn’t say anything, but they knew that, if they lingered, they were going to make a drunken mistake and go too far too quickly.

As they stood up, John had looked a little uncertain on his feet. James was too, to be honest, but he still reached out in case John had more trouble than him. But John regained his balance quickly and James dropped his hand before he could even touch him.

The woman at the bar looked at James like she could pierce a hole in his skull and peer into his most intimate thoughts. She exchanged a mysterious nod with John and it felt like he had been officially approved by a monarch.

James walked John to his bus station. He was going to take another bus, a little further down the road, but he wanted to make sure John was on his way home safe.

He laughed a little, because it was what Miranda told him not to mention in his profile. John looked at him with a curious smile: “What?” He asked.

“Nothing, I… I was just thinking about dating sites. More like, I can’t believe, of all the things that a dating site could have brought me, it brought you.”

“I don’t think you’re aware you’re being very sweet right now.” John answered, shaking his head.

They were standing at the bus stop. The next bus should come in a little over five minutes. They were facing each other now, wrapped in their respective jackets, assaulted by the cold, contrasting so very deeply with the warmth of the bar they had just left.

James was so unsure he felt like he was back when he first met… No. Not that. He couldn’t think about that. He needed to focus on John instead. He let the thrumming desire right under his skin guide him, one step closer to John. John had to lift his eyes a little to look at him.

“So…” James started. “Here we are.”

“Here we are.” John answered. James felt his breath on his chin. This street was almost empty, a little away from the crowded bars, and it felt like they were all alone in the world.

James thought about how, in five minutes, he was going to be alone. John will take that bus home and leave and he was going to be so cold. James took another step before his courage failed him. His hands found John’s hair almost by instinct (but mostly probably because he’s been staring at it long enough to know how to weave his hands into it) and he lowered his head…

“No.” John cut him.

James stopped before he could even think about it. It’s like a reflex. John said no so, whatever it is, it stops. James had always respected his partner’s wishes, like any decent human being, but it never felt that… cutting… definitive… It almost felt like he had told himself ‘no’.

It was quite unbelievable and James marveled at it. It felt… exhilarating.

“Our first kiss will not be us standing in the cold at the end of our first date while we wait for the bus.” John added. He had a hand on James’ chest and didn’t move it. “I want better than that for us.”

“Of course. I’m sorry.” James nodded.

“Don’t be. If you hadn’t tried it, I wouldn’t have known for sure that I didn’t want to kiss you anyway, circumstances be damned.” John laughed and it sounded like a deep rumble that drew James in. “God, but you’re beautiful. I can’t wait to have you all to myself… Would you want that?”

James looked at him in disbelief. If he wanted that? Could he want anything else? “I would.”

Was that relief on John’s face? Truly?

“Good… Good… So, I’ll message you for the details, alright?”

John’s bus was coming and James signaled the driver. John smiled at the 21st century equivalent of opening doors. He had to pry his hand from James’ chest, finger by finger. But it was so warm and inviting. He stepped into the bus and watched James watch him as the bus took off.

He looked gorgeous when he was running his hand down his beard, looking serious and pensive.

***

James closed the front door behind him with a sigh.

Well, that had been nice, but he felt loneliness creeping up to him, climbing up his back to its favourite spot, on his shoulders, tendrils tight around his throat.

He dropped the keys next to a curious vase of camelias he was sure hadn’t been here when he had left… Moans from Miranda’s room downstairs clued him in. He chuckled and went upstairs.

Everything felt sublimated after John’s touch. Goosebumps spread out all over his skin as he dragged his henley shirt up and tossed it in the hamper. He sighed again, just so he could hear it and imagine how John would sigh in concert. He passed a hand in his hair and rolled his shoulders, wondering how John would love them, how John’s lips might feel on his skin. He then removed his trousers and walked to his bed. A text surprised him, as he slid beneath the sheets.

“Made it home safely. How about you?”

“I’m about to turn in for the night, actually.”

“Mm, me too. Now that I’m home, I regret not taking that kiss, tho. You looked very kissable.”

“You know you made the right decision. It’s better we wait.”

“About that: would next week-end be okay?”

“Of course.” James hesitated. Should he ask where? He hadn’t talked about it with Miranda, and he knew that John had a roommate (even if that roommate actually had a boyfriend, James didn’t feel like they would like to be the ear-witnesses of an initiation to a dom/sub relationship)

“I’ll talk to Billy to ask him where he’ll be this week-end. We can always go down and dirty and take a motel room ;)”

“I’d rather ask Miranda to leave us the house than go to a motel room like a cheating husband.”

“C’mon James, where’s your sense of adventure?”

“You’ll discover it when I’m bent over your knee.” James replied automatically, because that was how he talked with John. This back and forth. John’s funny taunts and James’ deadpan answers.

It took John almost a minute to answer and James rubbed his hand over his face. He was tired, true, but that didn’t excuse how stupid that had been.

“Okay, I’m going to sleep now, before I get too turned on to actually sleep. Good night ;)”

James smiled at his phone and typed, shaking his head: “Sleep tight” He hesitated again, letting his hands hover a little, before typing the last two signs and pushing his phone on the nightstand.

James sighed again and closed his eyes, knowing very well how he didn’t feel tired a bit.

He let his mind wander back to John again. He wondered what would have happened, had John slid over to his side of the booth at the bar. How he would have touched his thigh under the table and whispered things in his ear. He would have started with fingertips, drawing little figures on the outside of his thigh, teasing him, making his way, slowly, slowly, to the seams at his inner thigh.

He would have told him: “You’re so good, James. Letting me touch you like that. You’re so good to me.”

James dropped one hand under the covers to trace the random patterns on his own thigh, closing his eyes. He could imagine John’s voice, deep and perfect, washing over him as his breath tickled his neck.

“Do you like that, James? The way I touch you in public? Where anyone could see…”

James’ hand drifted up slowly, his heart beating faster with anticipation, but not surrendering to the need to touch himself just yet. John would take his time too. He would be a tease. Biting his own lower lip with a mischievous smile when James turned his head slightly with an impatient frown.

John’s hand would slide towards his knee again, to punish him for his impatience: “Now, James, this is not how I want to train you. What kind of dom would let their sub be impatient and bossy?”

James would try hard not to protest. He would know John is right. More than that, he craved for John’s teaching. He wanted John to show him what he wanted from him, what he expected. He wanted to please him so eagerly he felt like he should be ashamed of himself.

“Sorry,” he would mumble, doing his best to sit still now.

In his bed, James felt his shoulders relax at the very thought of just… letting John show him the way. He remembered how John’s hand felt on his chest when he had stopped him. He bit his lower lip.

Now his hand slid up his thigh and he got lost in his scenario again.

John would reward his efforts with an approving hum and his hand would drift up towards the tent in his trousers. James could feel his breathing deepen and excitement rise in him. John would then grab him, making him bite his lower lip. John would let out of small groan right next to his ear as he squeezed him a little before relaxing his grip. Flint felt arousal as a mess of nerves crackling in his chest, sending heat pooling in his belly.

James cupped himself, alone in his bed. Not as satisfying as John’s hand would be, but still… He imagined John touching him like he owned him. Because James had granted him permission to touch him like he was his. The jolt of arousal made him bite his lip harder, trying not to moan aloud. He was already hard but James didn’t reach for his cock inside his boxers yet. He imagined John would tease him longer.

John would use one hand to cup his cock through his trousers and the other hand would come at the back of his head to play with the hair he kept in a little ponytail so he wouldn’t be bothered with it. He often wanted to just cut it all and be done with it, but Miranda would usually hide all the scissors and his razor so he wouldn’t dare touch his hair. Now, he guessed he was grateful. John’s fingers started as a caress at the nape of his neck, making James sigh a little at the sensation.

“That’s it, James, relax for me. Let me handle this. Let me handle you.”

John started opening James’ trousers and immediately, James looked up to see if anyone had seen, if they knew…

But there was no one. There was just them in this booth and nothing beyond. There was the faint noise of other people far, far away, but they sounded more like background music than actual people. Feeling him tense, John had stopped what he had been doing, looking at him, patiently waiting until James relaxed back in the booth. He then slipped his hand in James’ boxers and took him in hand.

James moaned at that, trying hard not to buck into John’s light grip. He felt so hot and he needed John to pull him out and to tighten his grip on him… But he did his best to stay still, feeling his heartbeat go up with the effort. As a reward, he could feel John’s warm breath against his ear again, whispering: “You’re doing good, you’re doing very good. Now, remember, you sit still and let me do the work or I stop, alright?”

James nodded, feeling John’s hand pulling his hair a little as he did. The little sparks of pain it gave made him shiver a little.

“No, I need to hear you say it. Say it’s alright.” John insisted.

“It’s alright. Please, John.” James answered, not daring speak louder than a whisper either.

“Good. That’s good.” John answered and James could feel his smile against his skin. Then John started mouthing at his jaw, biting a little at the skin, letting his beard catch on his. The added sensation had him groan a little. He could already feel his mind cloud over with arousal, rational thought replaced with the need to feel more of John. He couldn’t move. He couldn’t touch his gorgeous hair or trace his lower lip with his thumb, or guide his hand on him.

John pulled him out of his trousers gently and breathed a little laugh against the spot right under his ear. James tensed again but John shook his head a little: “No, don’t. God, James, you look so pretty.” There was something like… awe in his voice, which immediately reassured James. John started stroking him slowly, looking down to watch him. James was completely hard and he balled his hands into fists at his sides in order not to reach for John’s wrist. He longed to hold his forearm, not to guide him, but to feel the movements, to hold on to something.

In his bed, James felt himself leaking already. He groaned and finally allowed himself to lower his boxers, arching back to slide them down to his knees. He was burning hot in his own hand and he wanted to finish himself off, he craved the release, but he knew John wouldn’t let him finish so easily, so he kept his strokes light and slow.

John started biting lightly on his neck, not enough to let any marks, but it definitively sent pleasure flooding through him, right to his cock, urging him to seek more friction, more, more, more, and yet he forced himself to be still. Like John had ordered.

“You’re being very good for me, James. As a reward, you can hold on to my thigh. You won’t touch anything else, just my thigh, alright?”

James nodded and had to take several deep breaths before he could relax his hand and lay it on John’s thigh. John’s skin was burning hot under his jeans. James moaned. He already wanted to touch more. He wanted to caress John’s thigh, and move upward until he found his cock. He bit his lip again and closed his eyes to ward off the craving.

John’s hand on him moved faster, stopping at the tip to gather the precome here and slick the way. James moaned again through his clenched teeth. He was surprised at how good it felt. How the effort of keeping himself still didn’t took his mind off the pleasure but was part of it, sublimated it.

James knew he wouldn’t be long now. The slick sound of his hand on himself was so obscene it made his blood thrum and his mind soar. He tried to keep silent, but he could hear needy sounds escaping him.

He imagined the same sounds back on the booth, along with John’s own heavy breathing and low groans. James could feel himself leaking all over John’s hand and tried to swallow his moans.

“You’re so pretty, James.” John continued speaking, “I love the way you blush, I love how your cock looks in my hand. I can’t wait to see your ass. I’m sure it would look so nice with my handprints on it, don’t you think? Answer me, James. Do you want my handprints on your ass?”

John didn’t stop stroking him, faster, and faster, and James couldn’t find his voice. He nodded and forced out a “Please”, his hand tightening on John’s thigh.

“Of course you’d love that. You love to be good for me. I love how good you are for me James. Just a little more and I’ll let you come.”

Then John suddenly stopped, his hand completely still at the base of James’ cock. James didn’t have time to choke back a sob. He felt bereft and a little lost. He knew he couldn’t move but he wanted, he wanted. He took several deep breaths to settle himself and anchor his hips in place instead of seeking the friction he wanted.

In his bed, James stopped, just like John would have done and waited, just to see how long he could hold. It felt good, in a cruel way. He tried to relax and enjoy the sensation of being ready, impatient, right at the edge, and yet not racing towards it. He could feel beads of sweat gathering on his forehead. Barely a minute after, he was moving again and he could feel it, mounting in him. He was so close now.

John’s hand in his hair tugged and James forgot everything about being silent. Arousal flashed though him and he groaned. He was whispering: “Please, please, John, please, I’m almost there” and John was licking his neck and it felt too much and he needed so very badly to come.

“Alright. You’ve been so good, I can’t dey you this any longer.” John conceded and his hand started moving again.

Now John was tightening his grip on his cock, moving faster and faster, driving James right to his climax and James could do nothing else but to hang on and follow him there, whispering his thanks over and over again.

James came in his own hand, toes curling, back almost arching off the bed with a groan louder than he had intended. It felt so intense and so good and oh, how he wished he had had the time to touch John’s cock in his fantasy. How he wished he had had the time to bend over for him and let John mark him. James let the images wash over him as he came and promised to speak to John about them, about what he wanted.

James had to lay for several minutes in his bed for his heart rate and his breathing to come back to normal. He had touched himself several times since he had started talking to John, but it had never felt so intense. He chuckled to himself, wondering how it would feel when John actually touched him. He wasn’t sure he was ready for that oncoming storm.

#it's a bit long sorry #sometimes i write fanfiction #it's like an AU of the fic that made us meet #gifts for friends

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