#a wip a week keeps the writer's block monster asleep

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Yeah, so in my midst of being sucked in writing for The Ingenuous I didn't realize it had hit 45k!!! I'm currently in the process of rewriting chapter 1 but I'm still working on chapter 2. The reason I'm rewriting chapter 1 is because I had a book of notes of stuff to put in it and when I was writing it I had lost that book and for some reason I was so rushed in wanting to put it out there that I'm not entirely happy with the way I rushed the story. So I'm gonna go back in and add a few more scenes that will parallel chapter 2 better! Until then here's a sneak peak at one of my favorite reoccurring lines I ended up writing between these two!

Chapter 1

"Thank you," Mordred said, "for helping me back there." Daegal chuckled. "Guess that makes us even."  Mordred felt as though it was a dream, smiling like this once again. Feeling happiness that was not a weapon for defense. "Never mention this again?" Daegal asked. As if either of them had a reputation to uphold. Mordred nodded his head. The smile he felt he hadn't genuinely worn for far too long ached upon his face. Daegal held out his hand to him where they both laid, collapsed on the floor. His small finger extended to him. "Promise?"  Tomorrow morning they should reach Odin's land and Helva was not far from there. Then Mordred would return back to Camelot like none of this had ever happened. It forever becoming just a memory and nothing more. Daegal wasn't a person he had met, he never took this trip to Helva, and these moments and memories weren't real. Only to him.  What it was supposed to be since the beginning. Him being rather bothered and complaining about Merlin dragging him into a rescue mission for this kid. But he supposed that's what Arthur and Merlin thought daily. Being just master and Servant, Arthur's life held at the highest risks or being the King and Merlin nothing but a lowly servant in everyone's eyes. Never supposed to be anything more, with feelings and emotions involved. And this… All this turned into more than a trip to Helva.

He reached out, intertwining their pinkies. "Promise."

Chapter 2

"I promise."  He lowered his hand from Daegal's shoulder, repeating the gesture that he had previously rejected from him. The gesture that they had promised in a moment of silence and fear in the forest not so long ago. Daegal's gaze lingered before darting to Mordred's face, trying to find some evidence of a lie or indication of him playing a game he didn't know. Yet instead, he found sorrow, regret maybe, and; most confusing, the deepest touch of pain. Parts of Mordred's expression looked as though someone had hurt him. And if not someone then maybe himself, his past. Something Daegal couldn't quite understand but did in the same heartbeat. The small action became different than before as he locked in the final verdict. "Promise," he confirmed.

And another

He turned around on his feet to face Mordred as he walked backwards. "You know I can't guarantee anything."

"Then I'll come find you," Mordred said. He smiled. "Promise?"

"Promise."

Cheers to 45k!

[WIP Sneak Peak Masterlist]

[pinkletterday]

Writer's Year In Review

This year has been a revelation. I went from deeply, irrevocably believing I can't write fiction at all to knowing that I'm actually pretty good at it!

It's given me the confidence to find work as a freelance writer and editor in real life, after years of unemployment and anxious paralysis resulting from chronic illness and trauma. A lot of other factors also helped but the fic writing played a huge role in getting my shit together.

General Fic Stats:

Word Count on AO3: 92284

Fics posted to AO3: 23

Favourite Fic:

Kiss It Better (Westallen).This fic is my baby. I love little Iris and little Barry in it so much, the hurt and confusion in each other they attempted to heal, how that healing carried into their adult love and family. It will always and always be my favourite thing I have ever written. Wee!stallen is my jam, and the reason I ship them so damn hard.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). Ngl, I love this for the sheer amount of truly gratifying comments. Every single one of them have been emotional and flaily. It all makes me feel like I may have finally levelled up. Hallelujah. xD

Funniest Fic:

The Care and Feeding (Queenwestallen). This is my ultimate OT3. This fic, written as a list and discussion is 95% humour and contains some of my best banter and (I feel) characterization. An element I'm really proud of is how I managed to center and include all their important non-romantic relationships in their conversations. Iris's boisterous female friends, Oliver's friends, Cisco and Caitlin's snarky commentary all shoehorned themselves into the list with hilarious and wholesome results. 

It's not a popular OT3 but I feel like it's a good first attempt to drag this ship to water. xD

Cutest Fic:

Dancing Queen (Olivarry). Even after a year this contiues to be the fic with the highest kudos ratio (except for the more recent one) and the second most bookmarked. I love getting comments on this because they are all some variation of "my teeth hurt. I have diabetes!" xD Well, I did build it around a rainbow sprinkle icing sugar donut, but there is a significant dollop of angst there in the middle. A flangst donut.

Your Vigil In My Keeping (Westallen). This fic has less than 200 hits but has the highest kudos ratio of all. I guess kid fic isn't everyone's cup of tea, but Wee!stallen is cute af yo. I headcanon the origins of Barry and Iris's steadfast partnership in this story, where her faith and belief in him is as strong as his protectiveness of her, all tied up in the language and innocence of children.

Kinkiest Fic:

WA Smut and Kink Collection. I literally just posted this yesterday lol. So far it's just a face-sitting short, but I have quite a few hard and soft kinks lined up. Westallen needs more hard smut tbh, and they have such a unique powerfully loving dynamic that every kink I'm writing has required me to come at it a little bit sideways with a whole lot of emotional focus.

Saddest Fic:

Three fics I can't choose from.

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). This is basically Iris's grief and fear in a raging tempest, and it's strongly implied that the future Nora has warned them of will come to pass regardless of what they do. The fact is that there already is and will be a timeline where Iris loses Barry, just as there must be one where she won't, because that is the nature of potentiality. 

The Paradigm of Uncertainty (Westallen). This was a drabble almost, that ruminates on the probability that speedsters do not erase timelines but abandon them, along those versions of their loved ones. It's as @rkwago's brilliant comment says: "Iris hurts in so many weird, cosmic ways that her life is almost an eldritch horror house," which is the most perfect description ever of what it means to be a time traveller's wife.

The Universal Constant (Gen, background WA). A lot of people find the way Barry goes off on Joe cathartic in this fic, and so do I. But it's not so simple. I don't think Joe was wrong to form the views he did, or that anyone was in the wrong really. As @sophiainspace pointed out, it's a mediation of grief and love, their parallels and continuations between parents and children and lovers. The fact that it takes Henry's death for Barry to find the adult language to articulate to Joe why he will always believe in his father's innocence is a tragedy that cuts three ways.

(This fic is also the reason I have a folder in my drive marked "how to get away with murder" and probably a likely reason to get me arrested one day. xD)

Most Popular Fic:

Strangers In The Cold (Coldflash). The Coldflash fandom is a joy to feed. This was my first smut fic which was preceded by an entire chapter of banter about nothing in particular (except it ended up establishing a background that gave birth to the Coldflash vs Olivarry polyam series) And holy wow, for a newbie writer, the response has been amazing. Looking back, I wince at a lot of writing mistakes and its undeniably rough, but it really bolstered my confidence.

(I feel a little guilty that all my other CF stories are still in my WiP folder while I update the polyam series at snail's pace.)

The Shape of Us (Westallen). I wrote this on tumblr half-asleep one night, half as a rambly headcanon...and woke up to literally one hundred freaking notes. What the hell. Now at over 260, it's the most popular fic I've ever posted on tumblr.

I never consciously intended it to be a body-positivity fic but apparently women really relate to the insecurities of growing older and watching our bodies change with marriage, children and the sheer hectic pace of life. Even my non-fandom friends reblogged it simply for its representation of "real women". Barry's response is my own wish fulfillment fantasy; the sort of total acceptance and validation that we wish we could hear it the times we can't find it in ourselves. In light of the virulent body-shaming Candice Patton has been subjected to ever since she was revealed to have gained a fuller figure in S5, I'm very glad to have written it.

Least Popular Fic:

Carry On (Gen) This character study of Oliver Queen only has 135 hits a year after posting, which is par for the course with gen. But has a solid 12% kudos ratio, which means it's probably as good as I think it is. It's one of my favourite and easiest fics I have ever written.

Love Me Like You Do (Olivarry) Lordy, if my first Coldflash smut filled me with confidence, my first Olivarry smutfic all but ruined it. I struggled with it for a long time, unlike SitC, which I suppose shows in the over-descriptions. I got carried away with the quipping and I guess Barry topping at all is really not popular with slash fans?

Still, I'm honestly toying with the idea of deleting and rewriting it. At least it was a learning experience - don't write smut unless it makes you feel horny yourself.  

Most Challenging Fic:

Do Not Go Gentle (Westallen). I think the reason stories you knock off in two hours are instantly popular while the ones you slaved over for weeks barely get any attention is because the process is reflected in the ease of reading. But this one is an exception. It was an absolute monster, taking three weeks and several revisions to wrestle into submission - and it paid off in spades!  Going by the response, I seem to have achieved the wow factor I was going for.

My only regret is that I posted it on tumblr before the last revision that finally made it work, so that too many readers saw the lacklustre version rather than the polished one.

Honorable Mention:

A Stitch In Time (Olivarry for now, eventual Queenwestallen) Baby's first multi-chapter! Admittedly chapters 3 and 4 have been languishing in my drive for a few months now and this thing has 100% more deleted scenes and outtakes posted to my tumblr than the actual story on AO3. But I'm so proud of it! I learned to write action scenes because of it, how to write climaxes, dream sequences, news articles and tell a story in several different formats. It made me rediscover my empathy for Felicity and write her as a PoV character, think deeply on Laurel Lance's losses and give voice to her struggles, and explore how a real friendship and understanding could evolve between Oliver and Iris out of their mutual love for Barry. (Centering female characters within manpain narratives, ftw! Otoh, I centered Iris so much it veered off the Olivarry rails into Queenwestallen territory on its own)

There is so much meaty conflict and delicious looming disaster in this story that I'm determined going to keep at it, even if slow and steady. If only to bring the light of Barry/Iris/Oliver into the world. xD

Holding On (Olivarry). This real-world disability AU deals with chronic and mental illness and the precariousness and personal demons of that reality. I tore out the rawest parts of my life for this fic and put them on display so that I couldn't bear to show it to anyone for a year after it was written.

I'm very glad I did finally brush it off and put it up because it has struck a chord with so many people, especially other Spoonies. The low number of hits on a fic that deals in hurt/comfort rather stings, as I can't help but think the disinterest is because of the "disability" and "neurodivergence" tags. But I still think it's one of the best things I've written and one I'll always be proudest of.

General Reflections:

Things I've learned over the past year of writing:

- Self-deprecation is not my friend. I need to be honest enough with myself to acknowledge when my writing is good, because either I self-validate and build confidence or I become a black hole of insecurity where validation goes to die. And if I think I'm a bit better than I actually am, it's not just okay but necessary to believe it.

- What I call writer's block is perfectionism, anxiety and physical and mental fatigue. If I don't eat, sleep, hydrate and acheive a relaxed mental state, I won't be able to write. 

- Momentum is more my friend than any amount of inspiration and motivation. Sitting my ass down and make it a habit to churn out X number of words a day, even bad writing, will do more to help me than polishing an idea to a high shine. 

- If I don't forgive myself for the stories I can't write I'll never write anything. I am doing this for free, to share the love and joy and therefore obligated to no one. 

- I'm capable of writing things I don't have the first idea how to write. My fingers on a keyboard can paint the picture my brain can't visualize. 

I don't believe in New Year's resolutions, but I am going to make it a personal goal to write at least 15k words per month, learn to stick to a posting schedule where possible.  and end next year with an additional 150k words posted. 

To everyone who follows this blog, commented, reblogged and liked my posts - I see and remember and appreciate every one of you. You're the reason I feel seen and valued and why I am motivated to keep writing through all the difficulties life throws at me. <3<3<3

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WIP Sneak Peaks

*Here is a masterlist of all my WIP sneak peaks from order of Oldest to Newest and by Fandom and Fic*

My Works | WIP's | Request A Fic | Navigation

WIP Tag - #a WIP a week keeps the writer's block monster asleep

Key: ORANGE = Complete | PINK = Incomplete

BBC Merlin

The Ingenuous - 1/2 - Tumblr | Ao3

Chapter 1 - "April's lies" - ★

Chapter 2 - "Promises Of May" - ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ ★

The Drawing Of The Light - Multi-Chaptered - ★

The Stars As Whitness - OneShot - ★

Little Prince How I've watch you Grow into the Man, Friend, and King I now know - OneShot - ★ ★

Supernatural

By The Riptide - Multi-Chaptered - ★

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Haha not me disappearing for a while and then seemingly coming back 😅... Anyways I'm trying to get back into doing a wip a week so here is a small one.

This fic takes place in the same universe as my fic "A Life With No Regrets" and pretty much is the story of all that before stuff that's mentioned.

Psssst @heaven-ecologist I think you might enjoy this one (the saga of "What did the angels do to the dinos?" Continues 😁

"That's what you said about the dinosaurs," Gabriel mumbled under his breath.

He shot Gabriel a warning look at his remark.

Raphael cocked an eyebrow. "The dinosaurs?"

"Oh yeah, forgot about those things," Lucifer commented. His reminiscing quickly shifted as his eyebrows furrowed and his hands made their way across his chest. "Wait—What happened to the dinosaurs?"

Michael took a deep sigh. "That is not relevant right now."

And also for a fun treat here is some random paragraphs and bits of dialogue taken from the story and my notes on the story out of of context 😁

"Not just someone. Dear old daddy-o shook up heaven and hell like an ant terrarium; kicked a few of us out of the Nothing."

🌸

Soft lips gently pressed to his chest as Adam undid each button, stripping away the material and leaving his chest bare.

🌸

"And I'm not trying to bone Sam Winchester."

🌸

"Tell me, did Adam take the reins or did you enforce your role as viceroy of heaven?" He waggled his eyebrows in a suggestive manner.

🌸

"See how desperate you have me, old man?" He slowly sunk to his knees at the foot of the bed. His head crashed to lay on the back of his hands.

🌸

"My finest work those Winchester's. Wouldn't you three agree?"

"Dad!"

🌸

"You know who was? Michael. Michael was there. Michael cared for us, took care of us. Michael loved us. He was more of a father to us than you could have ever been."

🌸

"Your father is Lucifer?"

"Clark—" Jack tried to step closer but Clark mirrored his steps.

"Don't... Please."

🌸

Gabriel held out his hand as the music continued. "Care to dance little sister?"

🌸

"It's okay, everything's okay," Claire tried to console; but despite her words, Jesse's shoulders continued to tremble under her hands.

This fics name is "By The Riptide" and if you want to be alerted when anymore updates go out on this fic or when I started actually posting the chapters please let me know so I can add you to the taglist!!!

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

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Day 13 of @whumpmasinjuly

↳ Prompt: "Share a sneak peak of something your working on."

This is a small little part of "The ingenuous" chapter 2! (Yes I'm still working on it!) And since this is a whump centered event I put a sorta whump-ish themed sectioned and then one of my favorite pieces of dialogue for one of the particular scenes.

He once wanted that voice to sound that way: frantic, worried, with his name the victim and cause. Satisfaction of a twisted reason. And yet, hearing it… all it brought him was pain. He didn't want to hear the panic in the same voice that he heard spill sweet words and talk as if every breath was his last. 

A hand touched and laid on his back as black curls and blue eyes appeared in the corner of his eye.

"Are you alright?"

He swallowed. Nodded. "Yeah." But despite his words his heart continued to rush as his diaphragm ached in spasms that only made his panic worse. The burning coil grew like an insistent vine, wrapping itself tighter and tighter making tears burn where they threatened to fall.

🌸

"I suppose I don't, only what makes others happy," Mordred answered.

"What if you happy is what makes others happy?"

"I don't know…"

"I can promise you, it is."

Also let me say this whole story is still super unedited so yes it's a mess right now and probably seems like mumble jumble!

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

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Tags

Personal Tags:

#virusfanfic - (All my Fanfics)

#viruswrites - (Masterlist, other writing stuff)

#virusmedical - (Health talk)

#viruscreates - (Other stuff I make)

#virus asks - (Asks I get)

#virus rambling - (Me talking)

#virus reblogging - (Reblogging my own things)

#anon anon do doo do do do - (Anon asks)

#the never ending queue - (Queue tag)

#a wip a week keeps the writer's block monster asleep - (Wip tag)

Fandom related:

- Merlin

#the ingenuous

#i defy you stars!

#awotc

- Supernatural

#tkaa

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Share the last Seven sentences you wrote of your most recent WIP!

I actually just completed a fic, and the last two i'm working on can't really be shared and one is a gift fic and the other a surprise as well so here is an excerpt from my Leon fic!

"Leaving?" Leon exclaimed from where he sat at the end of George's bed. Watching the other boy pack his things away from his room.

"Under the king's orders." George confirmed. Stuffing a shirt into his bag. Leon found it strange with how messy and frivolously he was putting things away. Only ever known George to be the neat and tidy person that he was.

"Why?"

"Lord Godwin said he wanted the best servant." His tone became mocking of the quoted words.

"So, I'm to leave for his kingdom come tomorrow morning." He continued as he shoved another rumpled article of clothing into his bag.

"You're more than just a servant." Leon tried to argue. As if his words would do anything to that of the orders of the king.

George scoffed, "Not to Noble blood." Though he quickly regretted his words, as his friend who sat before him was of a noble birth.

"I'm sorry, I—"

"No," Leon interrupted, "you're right." 

The knight knew his life compared to Georges' was always considered more. Compared to any citizen or servant, that of noble blood was always considered more.

George sighed, setting down what he had in hand before taking a seat next to Leon at the foot of his bed. "I'm just an item, Leon."

His words came out nothing above a whisper. "Something to be used and disposed of."

Not seven sentences but oh well!

No pressure Tagging- @zoingfandom @bbcfandomsuniverse @ohanahoku-ao3 😊

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

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I'm being depressing today so heres a very very depressing sneak peak from my main Merlin fic... Sorry

"Mordred!" Daegal let go of the breath he didn't realize he was holding as he saw his friend slouched against the side of the cave still breathing.

"You're okay!" He ran towards him, enveloping him in a hug. Feeling one arm come over him loosely but still in an attempt to return the gesture.

"I thought you were—" he felt everything in him break as he looked where Mordred's other hand was covering. 

Blood… that's all there was, everywhere. He felt every breath leave his body. No longer able to take a complete one, as his heart became a numbing drone in his ears.

"No no Mordred—" He tried to put pressure, only to realize there was far much more blood than he initially thought. His tunic soaked through to his mid chest and his trousers becoming more and more blood stained by the second.

"I'm sorry." Mordred's voice strained while his hand came up to cup Daegal's cheek.

Well...... My ask box is open 😃

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

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I'm not gonna finish this in time for Sir Leon Week but I've been writing this a while and wanted to post a little tidbit of it.

Enide is the name I used for Gwen and Elyan's mother as I couldn't find it in A source of Arthurian Legend but it is a name from Arthurian Legend. Also Leon is about 6-ish here and Arthur was already born so the Great Purge is going on. (also this is not edited or beta read at all excuse grammer and the not yet edited writing also I may have messed up the time line as I'm still unsure how much younger than Arthur and Leon Gwen is...)

"Leon, sweetie." Enide rushed over, pulled him back inside and closed the door. "You can't go outside."

"But I saw my dad." 

She bent down to his height, "Your dad is very busy right now, okay?" 

She got up and shut the curtains, in an attempt to keep Leon's curiosity to a minimum. And not wanting him to see the chaos and horrible acts happening outside. His young mind was proving her a troublesome time as she waited for his mother to return. She had to find a way to keep him preoccupied. 

"How about I tell you a secret?" She bent down in front of him and brushed his golden curls out of his face.

"A secret?" He excitedly asked.

"Mhm. But- you have to stay quiet about it, it is a secret after all." 

He nodded his head, and slapped his hands over his mouth. Enide couldn't help but smile at the action as she gently took his hands down, away from his face.

"I have a little you," she pointed to him with her index finger, "growing inside me."

"A me?" 

"A baby, Leon." She chuckled and looked down at her stomach. "You wanna see?"

She grabbed his small hand in hers and placed it on her stomach. Though his impatience made him antsy when he didn't feel anything.

"There's no baby." He crossed his arms, upset of having thought he was being lied to.

She shook his head and tutted him, "what do we say about patience, Leon?" 

"It's the key to all things good." He recited each word in a monotone voice, like they hung heavy on his tongue. 

But earned a satisfied look from Enide, "thats right."

"Now," she continued, "just wait a few more seconds this time." She grabbed his hand once again and placed it on her stomach. True to his word he waited a few more seconds till he felt the subtle movement. 

"Something moved!" 

"That's the baby." She smiled at him. His fascination grew wild as he kept his hand on her stomach.

They both looked up as a loud bang was heard. Probably not nearby but close enough that they could hear what was going on.

"Me and my husband are hoping for a girl." She attempted to pull his attention back to her. The distraction working as the small smile returned to his face.

"What's her name?" He asked and pointed at her belly.

"If it is a girl, we're thinking of the name Guenevere." 

"How does that sound?" She asked, seeing the dazzle of excitement in his eyes.

"Fit for a princess."

"And you are going to be a brave knight." She cupped his face in her hands. For the six year old boy in front of her was already a victim of a war without even knowing it.

"That will protect the princess?" He asked and stated at the same time.

The fondness she felt for the boy almost as if he was her own always did something to her. Hoping that the cruel world and work of a soon to be knight didn't change his kind heart. 

She nodded her head, "yes, you will protect this princess with all your heart." 

He gave a single nod, "With all my heart." He repeated the words like an oath.

She kissed his forehead before standing up and holding his hand. "Now, Let's get you cleaned up for supper before your mom gets home."

Thank you to the amazing @for-the-love-of-leon for doing this event!!! I hope to see more content from all the wonderful merlin fan content creators on here.

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

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Back with another sneak peak for "The Ingenuous" chapter 2. Between Whumptober and Flufftober writing preparations and school work I've been really busy. My normal writing has been pushed off a little so Now this fic is taking even Longer to get done that it previously was taking but here is a longer little tibit of it. Hope you enjoy!

"Why do you care?" 

His eyes flickered back to Mordred seeing him still admiring outside. He furrowed his eyebrows unsure what Mordred meant before the latter turned his head back towards him. 

"You talked of the Knights, Arthur, and Merlin caring… but why do you?" 

Daegal did care. He cared a lot, that it seemed almost too much for their little time in each other's company. But to fathom the re-worded question of how he couldn't care was mind racking. 

Something akin to love and caring didn't always have to be positive. If not saying anguish and melancholic emotions didn't have their base hiddenness in something as love. 

"Because…." He started.

Because, because, because… He had to give reason, purpose, a wanting, a desire if so to call it. His words to explain all that was unexplainable. His words couldn't be a because, as Mordred was more than that. The questioning of curiosity so infectious it turned into an addiction. Maybe that's what his because was. Or maybe it was the next words he spoke.

"I like you." Was that kinned to love? To anger, sadness, joy? Anything to describe everything that had happened.

"Because you cared. The person who told me I was worth caring for and that everyone deserves a chance." 

"You are worth caring for."

Those words that were Mordred. Daegal had begged to hear those words again; yet, not in this context. With Mordred, who kept putting himself down and being drowned in wishy-washy emotions.

"Then why won't you let that be returned?" 

"I don't need to be cared for or worried about." Mordred answered. His words striked Daegal more as untrue and hurtful to him than to Mordred himself.

"That's not true," He argued, "Everyone does."

"Even you?"

It wasn't a question for Mordred as he had already told him what he thought multiple times. His glances and gestures told Daegal all he needed to know even if Mordred's words battled against it. In Mordred's eyes he deserved someone to care and worry about him. 

This question was for Daegal, what he thought about himself. If the same situation he was questioning Mordred on was reflected. The words he had already spoken seconds before became poison. He couldn't bear for them to touch his tongue. Would he tear something down just to build another thing up?

He didn't answer.

Mordred nodded his head, "yes" he said. "The word is yes, Daegal."  

If Daegal couldn't speak the words himself, who was he to try and make Mordred gain his own voice back. And not even for Mordred's own good but for his, his selfish reason for wanting something he knew he could of never have had.

"It's always been yes."

Also again I am mentioning that this is written platonically but it can be read romantic or pre-slash. But just because I mention the word love, does it automatically make something romantic or sexual. We know platonic love better than that of a romantic or sexual nature but often overlook it for its construed hiddenness & simplicity in our hearts.

Also This may or may not happen before the last sneak peak I posted for this work...

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

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Recently someone said, "I have a thing with the stars." I could only think... "Do I have a thing with them too?"

"The stars," he said, "see them?" He laid back on the damp blades of grass.

"Millions," he followed Mordred's lead and laid beside him. "Too many to fathom sometimes."

These are segments from "The Igenuous" chapter 2

"What about during the day? They're gone."

"They aren't gone. You just can't see them."

"And even if something is gone from your sight, it isn't gone from your heart."

I knew I wrote about the stars, but I never knew I wrote so intensely and full of everything that is me.

"Does your mind only consist of places to gaze upon the stars?" 

"If it's more for my mind and not my eyes."

And even some of these things I doubt make sense to others. And if they do please tell me so, or not. "Making sense" is never what my goal is anyways.

"Why do you fear the stars?" Mordred asked.

"They see everything, hear everything. Witness to bloodshed and unfathomable guilt, or moments between two people. Weather it be envious love, a squabble after a consummated marriage, unrequited feelings, or the planted seeds of a blooming relationship" 

"They see destiny and how everyone's lives are to play out."

Daegal saw the edge of Mordred's mouth quirk up at that statement. 

"Something funny?" He asked.

Mordred shook his head, "Irony I suppose." 

"Irony?"

"Something the weight of this world lives upon." 

Mordred turned and looked towards him."Yet no one can grasp."

"And if it vanished?" Daegal questioned 

"We wouldn't know."

"For we would cease to exist," He continued. 

Daegal let the words lay but not too long before his mind wandered with questions. What's the difference between existing and understanding?

"Cease to exist or cease to understand?" 

"Both…." The raise of his voice at the end of the word gave doubt to his answer.

"Is that a question or a statement?" 

Mordred shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe we won't ever know." 

Amongst so many things he already didn't know, he didn't need more confuscions that Mordred muttered. For the Druid was in himself all the confusing things of this world and more.

"What about the sun?" Mordred said. "It rules the day as the stars rule the night." 

Daegal smiled, "then I'd question the moon as well." 

"Then question the moon," Mordred proclaimed.

"Deserves the questioning." He said a matter of factly. Daegal scoffed and shook his head at Mordred's decree. 

"Constantly changing its shape with no rhyme or reason." He waved his arms to the sky.

Daegal playfully swatted Mordred's flailing arms down."Let the moon be."

"Then question the stars," he declared again.

"Ask the stars who they used to be." He gestured to the shining teardrops in the ocean above them.

"All the flowers, the trees. Every piece of nature's life here." He sat up, pulling Daegal up with him. 

"Mordred!" Daegal squealed, trying to be serious with him but the large grin on his face said otherwise. And of no way to hide it when he sat a mere breath away from Mordred as he leaned over and continued to talk. 

"The flowers weren't always flowers. And a tree wasn't always a tree. But what we see them as, and what they voice to us that they are. Yet we never ask about a before, because we're afraid they'll miss it." 

"Then we won't have flowers, trees," he gestures above them, "the stars..." 

"They mean you no harm. Only to do the bidding of what they were designed for."

"Like keeping a promise?" Daegal questioned, looking at him.

Mordred nodded his head with a smile, "of a promise and so much more."

And if the stars mean the safety you would wish to hold another in. (And a slight change of the story)(A different story but the same author and the same characters and the same words. Just more in progress than the others and a slight twist)

"Can you see the stars?"

He looked up, realising for the first time that the stars and moon were their guide of light. That the stars were indeed passing judgement upon this moment, making Daegal want to scream and curse them. 

"You're safe."

Or a conjoined safety

"The stars," Daegal said, "you see them?" it pulled Mordred's attention as he looked over at him

Mordred nodded his head, pulling a weary smile on his face, "I do." 

Daegal crossed the few feet separating them. He sat down a mere breath away from Mordred, taking the same position as the Druid and laid his head on his shoulder.

"We're safe." 

How the stars have scarred my writings and words...

"Then marriage shall be in our stars." Mordred Declared. 

Daegal almost choked on a piece of cheese, "Have you gone mad?!"

Or more so, my life.

"And If not, would you defy the stars? Would you defy your gods?"

"Nonsense, the stars aren't so cruel."

The stars are everywhere

He had seen the sun, the stars, and the moon time and time again. Yet it never grew boring.

From story to story

For that was done, sown into what the stars had planned out. And even now, behind him, as he and Daegal chatted nonsense. love blossomed from the seeds planted many years before….

I believe they must haunt me

Mordred was rather fond of mornings. Nights equally so, with the setting sun of evenings being a rival in foot. But mornings had the singing birds that the night lacked. And he could argue about the stars but none held a comparison to their shining splendour. 

So out of the question they were. Above all, even the lark that called its free out of tune song. But who was to critique the daring bird? All from its nest among the feathery leaves and cautious branches.

Even storys years old, so untouched I hardly remember them

"We can pretend... your ceiling is full of constellations."

"Constellations?" 

"You know, stars and constellations?"

"Okay, my ceiling and… Constellations. What now?" 

"We think"

"Think?"

"Of course think, there's not exactly Orion The Hunter or Alexander The Great on your bedroom ceiling. But simply the idea that those things are there… so you think." 

Whether to believe and understand what he was hearing or brush it off his shoulders and call it random blabber, it almost wasn't his call. He couldn't brush the words off because they meant so much more than what the surface held. But to believe and understand he couldn't quite do either because he would never know the absolute meaning of the words configured to make that idea in the other boy's head.

And in my thoughts

But If you had know, you would have kissed him one more time underneath the tear drop stars

Then again, and again and again

Until yours lips didn't part and you held him in yours arms again

Not letting go

Why are they teardrops? I honestly wouldn't know

And there you laid upon the bed of the earth

Blades tickling and whisping by every inch of you

And as the thoughtless stars forming constellations outlined your every curve. Acting as a veil, cascading over your head and down the curves I had laid my own touch upon.

Even in my attempts at Poetry; "Love is Not Blue"

If love is what the greeks contended it to be, seven words and defined and planed out for their seperate meaning.

But so much more and so much less that people go to lengths to bind themselves in a handfast or that to end a life.

Was it more for Consummation?

Or just that of death.

Or shall it be less for your fornicated acts over something of a lost soul?

For love is all there but not there.

As something we can't grasp, so how does it exist?

For love is nothing but a the starry teardrop lights.

Raining down like meteors from the heavens.

The fates laughing down at something destined to end all through or never began.

In the vast ocean above that called to winds to direct sails and guide ships home across the desperate seas.

For they were anything, but never blue.

I think I may have a thing with the stars...

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Another sneak peak at "The Ingenuous" Chapter 2? Yup! I know I said I wasn't gonna post any more sneak peaks till november but... I can't help it, plus the fic has recently gotten a lot of traction (my emails are blowing up) this past month for some reason. So this is my reminder that the fic is not abandoned.

"Why do you fear the stars?" Mordred asked.

"They see everything, hear everything. Witness to bloodshed and unfathomable guilt, or moments between two people. Weather it be envious love, a squabble after a consummated marriage, unrequited feelings, or the planted seeds of a blooming relationship"

"They see destiny and how everyone's lives are to play out." Daegal saw the edge of Mordred's mouth quirk up at that statement.

"Something funny?" He asked.

Mordred shook his head, "Irony I suppose."

"Irony?"

"Something the weight of this world lives upon." Mordred turned and looked towards him."Yet no one can grasp."

"And if it vanished?" Daegal questioned.

"We wouldn't know. For we would cease to exist," He continued.

Daegal let the words lay but not too long before his mind wandered with questions. "Cease to exist or cease to understand?"

"Both…." The raise of Mordred's voice at the end of the word gave doubt to his answer.

"Is that a question or a statement?"

Mordred shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe we won't ever know."

Amongst so many things he already didn't know, he didn't need more confusions that Mordred muttered. For the Druid was in himself all the confusing things of this world and more.

"What about the sun?" Mordred said after a minute of silence. "It rules the day as the stars rule the night."

Daegal smiled, "then I'd question the moon as well."

"Then question the moon," Mordred proclaimed.

"Deserves the questioning." He said a matter of factly. Daegal scoffed and shook his head at Mordred's decree.

"Constantly changing its shape with no rhyme or reason." He waved his arms to the sky.

Daegal playfully swatted Mordred's flailing arms down. "Let the moon be."

"All lonely, then for you to go pick on it," He continued. Nudging Mordred's shoulder as the Druid looked at him with a timid smile

"Lonely?" Mordred questioned.

Daegal shrugged his shoulders. "Lonely moonlight surrounded by questioning stars."

Mordred scoffed.

"What?"

"Then question the stars," Mordred declared again. Something of excitement and courage in his voice.

"Ask the stars who they used to be." He gestured to the shining teardrops in the ocean above them.

"All the flowers, the trees. Every piece of nature's life here." He sat up, legs crossed under him and pulled Daegal up with him.

"Mordred!" Daegal squealed, trying to be serious with him but the large grin on his face said otherwise. And of no way to hide it when he sat a mere breath away from Mordred as he leaned over and continued to talk.

"The flowers weren't always flowers. And a tree wasn't always a tree. But what we see them as, and what they voice to us that they are. Yet we never ask about a before, because we're afraid they'll miss it."

"Then we won't have flowers, trees," he gestures above them, "the stars..."

"They mean you no harm. Only to do the bidding of what they were designed for."

"Like keeping a promise?" Daegal questioned, looking at him. Something kin to hope in his voice.

Mordred nodded his head with a smile, "of a promise and so much more."

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

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Another sneak peak from "The Ingenuous" Chapter 2 because it's taking longer than I expected and total word count is at 32k making chapter Two a little over 17k words and about 16-ish scenes. And I still need to fill in same places and write the remaining 4+ scenes. (Also this has one of my favourites lines I wrote for Daegal)

"You were the person I had gotten to Know."

"You were you." His usage of past tense killed him. Daegal had no other words to describe him, except for what he was. Mordred was still the person In front of him yet at the same time he wasn't.

"And what was I?" Mordred accenting the past tense usage as well. Feeling like a jab to Daegal's heart.

"Kind, compassionate, caring. You Loved the world and treated everything and everyone so delicately."

"Maybe I learned the truth."

"There is no truth to anything, Mordred!" He raised his voice for the second time that day. What should have felt more of a feat for him only made him full of regret.

"The only truth is who we are." He continued

"And this-" he gestures to Mordred, "-this isn't you."

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

[xviruserrorx]

I'm slowly adding onto Kara's fic in my Merlin Au and I'm loving Daegal's and Kara's relationship right now.

"Kara, this is Daegal… Daegal, Kara." Daegal looked at her then back at Mordred with a confused look.

"Mordred? 

"Hm?"

"Why are you hiding a girl in the middle of the woods?"

Kara smiled, making Mordred realise how this all looked for his confused friend. 

"She's injured." He tried to explain.

"Okay, why are you hiding an injured girl in the middle of the woods?" 

Kara chuckled. He suddenly wasn't appreciating her enlightenment in Daegal.

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

[xviruserrorx]

A small scene from chapter 2 of "The Ingenuous".

Daegal repeated the same actions as before. Only into his own hands, he muttered a spell before opening his hands between both of them.

"Huh?" He looked down at the bug, which was not a firefly in his hands. Mordred laughed, trying to hide it but failing miserably. 

Daegal picked up the glowing worm from his palm. "You're not a firefly, Are you?" He said to the worm. 

"It glows," Mordred commented. Trying to find the similarities between the two things. 

"Oddly enough, it does." He put the worm on the grass as Mordred stifled another bout of laughter.

No, I did not abandon it I have been working over it over the past month since I finished the last chapter. And I had to re-draft certain sections like two times because I accidentally pulled things out of oder. But it's almost done I have maybe about 7-ish scenes to finish writing then I just need to proof read and whala!

It feels kinda bittersweet finishing this for some reason. Maybe because I have put all of my emotions into this fic like no other. And maybe because just the other day I realised who these two's friendship reminds me of. This fanfic is my baby, I have given it my all.

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]

[xviruserrorx]

I was gonna say WIP Wednesday but it's not wednesday anymore, but drum roll please... The Ingenuous hit 40k words!!! I'm still a bit of ways away from finishing but I want to be done with it and posted on May 1 but we'll see...

Mordred knew the numbing feeling of his feet was from being on them all day, yet he had gotten used to that. His back ached from the added weight of chainmail amongst the rest of his armour that he had too gotten used to. But he stood with his feet together, hands clasped, and posture straight, showing all of his undivided attention was on the King. 

Well… that's what he usually always did. Yet something was off. He made a mental checklist of everything and quickly went over it, nothing was missing. His mind quickly jumped to numbers and the day, things already passed as he soon began counting everyone in the room. 

The same number of knights stood by him along with the same number of Squires and servants that stood back by the pillars. All the people of the court were accounted for, the map maker, the senechal, everyone. His eyes raked finally over Arthur and Merlin—

And Daegal…

He hadn't seen him enter the room with Merlin. The petite boy was hidden in the alcove off to the side, one hand resting on the wall while the other held the side of his abdomen. Instant guilt filled Mordred at his sight rather than relief which he had felt just the day before. Relief that was shown in his racing heart and soft spoken words in a time of fright he still couldn't understand why he acted on. 

Things and actions which he wanted to do were far different than what he needed to do. Stay afar, not close, not risk anything 

And as if destiny were mocking him, Daegal's gaze flickered his way and met his eyes. It lasted all but enough for Mordred to take an inaudible sharp inhale and quickly divert his eyes. His heart jumped from the sudden appraisal of events as he tried to focus back on Arthur's words.

[WIP Sneak Peek Masterlist]