me 2 weeks ago: man how did spn keep getting made for fifteen seasons. there is no way the characters are that interesting the main guys are just two emotionally repressed edgy chucklefucks
current me when dean shows any kind of emotion:
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ok i don't normally make 'crotchety old lady on porch' posts. but i just saw someone on another social media website say they were feeling 'nostalgic' for their bg3 pairing and??? ....how????? it's not even been a year since release????? fan creators are still churning out content????
i know fandoms seem to cycle way quicker these days, but it's always so funny to me when people start to wonder why. the posts about 'the fandom is dying' are starting to circulate for bg3, and - not in a shaming way bc everyone is entitled to find new interests and new hyperfixations and also REST!! I'm not holding anyone hostage!!! - but... maybe it's because you barely gave it a chance to live??? by the time it had started to gather momentum you had already left it behind???
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I'd just quickly like to mention I will be at Comic Con Stuttgart again this year! Life's been chaotic so my selection won't be super exciting but tabling is a lot of fun regardless!
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me every day: yes, I understand that I have ptsd. yes, it will frequently disrupt my life in sometimes (seemingly) random ways. sometimes this will necessitate leaving work or disclosing things about myself to a supervisor or friend or bystander because it's freaking them out and THEY are now panicking and often wanting to call me an ambulance. this is just a fact. it's fine. i'm dealing with it. most years are easier than the ones before them. it's fine.
me when my ptsd is actually triggered: what is happening right now. why can't I breathe. why can't I stand up. why do I feel like I'm about to throw up and die. oh, I know!!! I must be having an allergic reaction to something!!!! I'm suddenly coming down with the flu in the span of 3 minutes!!! this is so weird!!!!!!!
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my birthday is coming up and I’m just getting depressed the more I think about it because my parents were always conveniently out of money when my birthday came around as a kid, even though they’d always suddenly have money again when it was my older sister’s birthday in september, and the (1) time I got to do something for my birthday (going to an aquarium down the coast) my parents were stressing about money the whole time and guilt tripping me as if I made them take me when it was their idea. and we’re in a tough spot financially right now so I didn’t plan anything and I don’t expect to do much because we don’t live in an area with stuff to do (there’s a bowling alley in the next town over and that’s truly it), and it just makes me sad that it’s still like this. I put so much thought and heart into everyone else’s birthdays and when it gets to mine it feels like I’m just an afterthought. like nothing happens unless I plan it myself. but I feel like if I talk about this frustration it’ll just sound selfish somehow or just be taken that way so I don’t bother.
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