#absolutely insane that i went and drew for myself

[suneiaaa]

my 2nd playthru Cross Enea!!!

[applestoashes]

An update on Apples to Ashes

Hi, it's Prima, the creator and sole developer of Apples to Ashes.

Wow, it's been two years since I conceptualized Douglas and the idea for a visual novel. I think about how much has changed for me personally since March 2022, the different things that have happened to and for me. It's hard to sum it all up into a few words, but to put it plainly, there's been a lot of hardships I've encountered in my personal and professional life since starting this journey, along with some blessings that kept me going along the way.

When I first dreamed up this concept, I was experiencing a lot of new things. I was participating in fandoms for other indie "yandere" VNs, I was drawing a shit ton and garnering a following. I was actually becoming the active, well known artist I'd been striving to become since around 2015. I was so inspired and, somehow along the way, I gained the attention and respect from a lot of other creators. It was so insane to think so many talented people cared about what I was making, considered me worth following, etc.

That only grew as time went on, especially when I started the A2A project. From that point, I watched in absolute shock as people engaged with my own ideas, drew my own characters. They were hyped for this visual novel, they wanted to know more. Douglas started to get associated and drawn with other indie VN characters. This feeling of being put beside all these other amazing creators was disorienting to say the least.

Due to a lot of things I've been through, it feels like the magic wore off a bit. A lot of the drive I experienced at the peak of 2022 kind of plateaued, and... lots of things changed for me. I started taking commissions, I started doing more than just art, like getting back into video editing and voice acting. I got hired by a studio, I got a lead role in another visual novel. I told myself that I can do all these things that I want to, despite the additional need to work a regular job, and the fact that ADHD VERY much has hands. Financial hardship and mental illness... double homicide

A lot can change in two years. My inspirations for the setting in A2A came from my experiences with a job I had at the time. Well, needless to say I've had a few jobs since then, and been through a few very... jading experiences. The person I was when I conceptualized Apple to Ashes and the person I am now are two different people. I was very bright-eyed and inspired, especially by my peers. I wanted to attempt to do something I'd dreamed of for a long time: make a visual novel, and it felt possible, tangible.

I've learned a lot since then. There's a lot that goes into making a game, especially considering I'm largely pursuing it alone. Due to that, and the choices I've made, the things I've been through, Apple to Ashes progress has largely been halted. I feel a lot of pressure to make it something satisfying for everyone that's given love to this project. I feel a lot of guilt about the lack of progress, and feel like I'm earning the ire of people who are tired of waiting, or perhaps losing any momentum or interest I had originally garnered.

All that being said, I'm not saying all this to come to the conclusion that this project is canceled. It's not. I want this story to come to fruition. I want to give everyone waiting the experience they deserve. I want to reach the full potential this concept offers. I want to explore the themes I've attached, use the experiences I've had and witnessed. I want to bring light to these issues using this medium.

The TLDR of this is... Apples to Ashes will happen when it happens, but it is going to happen. To those of you who have offered your patience, I really appreciate it more than I can put into words.

Thank you for reading.

[colemorrison]

Okay look, I’m not crazy… Well I mean I am a little but it’s fine… Here’s some yandere overwatch..

This will include blood, possessive behavior, blah blah.. Mauga, Ashe, Junkrat, Sombra, Sigma and Ramattra are included.

Mauga :

He was always this over protective right? He threatened anyone who looked at his friends right?

"Where ya going? You're supposed to stay with me remember? Who will protect you and keep you safe if you're not with me?"

The look in Mauga's eyes was slightly scary, desperation pooled in them, he needed you after all. What would he do without you? He'd simply pass away.

"No, no.. You can't go see them. Stay with me, don't you wanna be safe? Darling, I don't want to have to tell you again."

His touches were rough, almost too rough, like he was worried someone would steal you.

"Can't have anyone taking you away from me, mine... All mine."

Ashe :

"Awh how cute, you think you have a chance with them? Oh no, they're mine.. Lay a finger on them and I swear I will show you what hell is."

Her fingers danced over your shoulders, displaying how only she could touch you, touch your body. Ashe was practically dangling you in front of them, showing exactly how much power she had over you.

"Aren't they just adorable? Such a sweet sight, look all you want. But I'm not keen on sharin'."

It happened so fast, painted nails digging into your throat, a shot firing straight past you toward the man, blood splattering across your face and Ashe's.

"No one gets to see my pretty little thing and live. Now.. Each time you think about going toward someone else, speaking to someone else, anything with someone who isn't me, I want you to remember this moment."

Junkrat :

"I'll kill em! They can't have you, you belong to me remember? I will make sure none of them even look at you."

His fingers gripped your skin, he couldn't let you go, his body wouldn't let him, what if you ran away? He can't possibly live without you, you're his favourite person, he needs you.

"Maybe I'll make you a nice little place and keep you here, that way you can never ever leave me. Would you like that? I would, I would love to wake up to you every morning."

Jamie's metallic hand drew hearts all over your back, obsessive traced hearts decorating your skin because of how hard he pressed.

"Mine, mine, mine, mine."

Sombra :

She had access to everything possible, she knew every little thing about you, that thing you wanted to hide and completely forget? Oh.. Olivia knows.

"What do you want for your birthday?"

"My birthday? I didn't tell you my birthday."

"You didn't have to, I know everything about you."

Her tone was playful but you could tell she was serious, the way her finger nails traced over the veins in your wrist showed you that..

"You have no idea mi amor, you are everything to me.."

Sigma :

Yes you knew he was insane but this..? Paper's scattered across his room, photos of you, photo's you didn't take. Your name written repeatedly over the walls, it was his own little sanctuary of you.

"See? I love you. No one else loves like I do."

His eyes were full of obsessiveness, insane cackles leaving his throat as he pinned up more photos of you. He needed to be surrounded by you at all times, he would go absolutely insane without it.

"It would be such a shame if this went poorly. I do not wish to kill you and then myself just so no one can have you."

Ramattra :

He took care of you but you weren't allowed to speak to anyone, absolutely no one. If you needed something you ask him, if you need help you ask him. He's learned how to do anything you might need, that way you'll never ever need anyone else.

"What is it? Oh you're hair is tangled? Well let me help you."

Ramattra moved you to sit on his lap, a brush softly going through your hair while his other hand held you by the throat.

"I need you to be still, you can handle this right?"

He chuckled at the small nod you gave.

"Ah.. My wonderful little pet human. No one else even knows you exist anymore, you really do belong to me."

————

Now... I've never written something like this so enjoy, also I wrote this with the help of @bruhhhh-huhhhhh. So he deserves some credit too.

[aquaquadrant]

Hi there. I’m going insane and it’s your fault. Like I discovered your absolute emotional masterpiece of a fanfic the other day and it’s all I think about anymore I’m so obsessed; I downloaded tumblr bc of you and I don’t really know how this site works but I do know how to click the ask button so that’s your problem now. I got words for you

First off: HOLy the writing and the voices are so good??? Like the characters say things the way their irl counterparts would say it? How?? Teach me your ways? Actually tho what did you do to learn to do that, is it innate, do you practice?

Second: “He wouldn’t have known the sight of Tango’s pale skin flushing bright red all the way down his chest.” That sentence just kinda stuck out to me from the last chapter… for some reason... anyways (idk what my point is here but it sure has got me thinking thoughts :P )

Third: I said I was obsessed, and I think it was an understatement. I didn’t study for my chem final because of this (still got an A tho so dw) and I went to bed for three days straight thinking about it and I woke up every morning thinking about it. (It took a solid hour to snap myself out of it when I actually needed to get work done lol) And on the plane ride home for break I drew some things so I’ll just leave these here if you don’t mind (umm ignore the tango faces on the first page and his left hand on the second, there's something Wrong™ about them I gotta practice, ok?)

idk if the formatting is good or whatever but here they are

As you can see I love love love the scene after the nightmare. If I remember correctly, Tango started wearing the gloves to protect his claws so they could heal after he escaped, and then when Jimmy gets hurt he just instinctively gives them to him?? Hello, the symbolism??? Tango just surrenders his own protection, both physically, because he would rather protect Jimmy, but also emotionally bc it immediately reveals what he considers a flaw in himself, monstrous, hideous. And Jimmy sees him throw the walls up again, “He quickly shoves the gloves at Jimmy, moving to get up. “I’ll uh, I’ll get another pair tomorrow-”” but Jimmy won’t let him, instead looks at what could be considered Tango’s entire soul —his trauma, his Hels origin, the feral, blaze side of him, the side that lies and hides and lashes out at any who get too close, the “ugliest” parts of him —and loves him despite it? Even sees the beauty in him? Yea, no, I’m normal about that—

Anyways idk how long these things are supposed to be but I have a couple more thoughts so you’re still stuck with me. Ummm let’s see… I adore your impulse design. So I’m taking that, thanks. (If that’s ok) also was thinking about how Jimmy would wear shirts with the wings getting in the way (see bottom of 2nd pic), and then thought maybe that’s why he’s so good at embroidery or sewing in general, cuz he has to make custom clothes. And then I thought what if he made some *cough* outfits and had Tango judge them… or asked for help putting on/taking off a particularly difficult shirt... haven’t had time to draw that yet but ya know… one day. Aaaaand the blaze rods could theoretically make a pretty cool fire crown when Tango's angry, also blazes do damage when you touch them, but I don't think you get set on fire? So it must be the blaze rods themselves doing damage, so I imagine when Tango's fighting they swirl around him both to attack whoever gets too close and to block any incoming projectiles (see middle left of 1st pic). +gradients on the blaze rods :]

Last thing, I showed my sister the fic last night and she’s already read through it twice so you’ve infected two of us. We were theorizing on what’ll happen next chapter. We both think that the others will piece together, to some extent, Tango’s backstory before they figure out how to remove the collar, what with the cuffs he wears, the comments Atlas made about a farm, Atlas’s mentioning about using Jimmy that way for his feathers, etc etc. and the comment that Tango can hear everything? Yea, no, when that collar comes off he’s gonna be distraught, I’m wagering that everything immediately bursts into flames around him or something (cuz that’d be cool). I think he'll probably try to run away, too, but we'll see

Anyways, that’s not all my thoughts but this is getting pretty long, so maybe I’ll send another ask later if that’s alright. Have a good day! Post again soon! Please. Please I'm begging you. For my sanity plea-

(actually tho take ur time. quality is worth it, and this is nothing but quality)

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg welcome. this was genuinely SUCH a lovely ask to read, but i wanna take the time to properly answer it so i’m gonna continue under the cut cause boy can i ramble

first off: HELLO, you got a tumblr bc of HTP?? incredible. i’m honored that this gay angsty little block man au was your introduction to the hellsite (affectionate). and don’t worry, i welcome asks no matter the length (tho i might not get to everything in a timely manner)

second of all: i’m SO happy you enjoyed my character voices. that’s definitely something that’s taken a bit of practice, especially for more understated characters that don’t have super obvious or unique vocal traits/vernaculars. i find it helpful to a) have spent a decent amount of time watching the source material and b) always go over my dialogue with the character’s voice in my mind, and see if it sounds like something they’d actually say. ofc, sometimes liberties can be taken based on the plot/setting of a fic but generally i spend a lot of time and effort on getting character voices right, so i appreciate the appreciation <3

thirdly: i like that particular sentence too ;0

fourth: THAT ART THO??? oh man. impulse looks amazing (i’ve always loved demon!impulse and gotta credit @lunarcrown for bringing that vision to life 💃) and the wings are SO well done, like you conveyed that leathery thin bat skin texture perfectly. the various tangos are SICK, i luuuuv seeing him in full blaze rage mode, using those blaze rods to their full effect. and those hands… goddamn. not only do i respect the hand anatomy but the ROSES… the shackles and their metallic texture… the gradient on tango’s claws… chef’s kiss 💋👌 and THANK YOUUU the post-nightmare scene was one of my favorites from that chapter, and you’ve summed it up beautifully.

moving on: as with all of lunar’s designs, she’s happy to inspire so BEHOLD, DEMON IMPULSE UPON YE (that’s a yes from both of us LOL) i love ur idea about jimmy making custom shirts to work around his wings, that’s one of those little details i never put much thought into but it fits so nicely with him being into embroidery. so jimmy def makes a lot of his own clothes (and occasionally some for tango), co-signed and approved. and ur on the right track about tango’s blaze rods- most of his defensive fire comes directly from them, doing that crazy swirly fireball thing that actual blaze do, but he does also have the ability to produce fire from his hands, he just doesn’t do it often. it takes a bit more concentration and practice, and he spent so long trying not to use his abilities that it doesn’t come second nature to him anymore. he was way more of a fire starter as a kid in hels.

last but not least: AWW it’s so sweet u got ur sister into the au (lord knows i’ve dragged mine into many a fandom 😂) glad y’all enjoyed it so much, AND now u have someone to theorize with 👀 i won’t say anything more on the matter other than i hope to get the next chapter out over the next couple weeks, so stay tuned…

[jackie-sugarskull]

Today marks 7 years since the reawakening of my Captain Underpants hyperfixation, which had been asleep for a very, very long time.

I had first discovered the books much like any kid in the late 90s/early 2000s; at the Scholastic Book Fair. If I remember correctly, the first one I had found was the second book, Attack of the Talking Toilets. I remember thinking how silly the cover looked, and it drew my little elementary school self in like a moth to flame.

I had quickly read it and absolutely loved it, and like discovering a new favorite treat for the first time, I immediately wanted more.

I was able to find the first book in my school’s library so I was able to get the full story on the two best friends who pulled the ultimate prank by hypnotizing their grouch of a school principal, and how it immediately became the worst decision they ever made. And I loved every second of it.

As the years went on, I eagerly anticipated the Book Fair’s arrival at my school and would beg my mom for a few dollars extra, just so I get my hands on the newest adventure.

I devoured every single story I could find and bought as soon as I could, and each one was more entertaining than the last. From alien lunch ladies and zombie nerds, to a megalomaniac professor with an incredibly silly name in a giant robot with charts that you could use to give yourself a silly name (mine is “Poopsie Bananachunks” BTW), to an insane hypnotized woman with Medusa hair that gave atomic wedgies.

The more I read and reread these stories, the more I couldn’t help but think that it would make a pretty fun movie, or at least a tv show.

These stories had been with me through a lot of ups and downs in my life, the biggest being my parents’ divorce. They were there to remind me that even when times could be tough, you can make it through and still be able to laugh at even the silliest of things, no matter how old you got.

By the time I was 10, I got my hands on the latest book in the series, The Big Bad Battle of the Bionic Booger Boy Part 1. I loved it as always, but was shocked to see it ended on a cliffhanger. This had never happened before. I was anxious to see what would happen and how George and Harold would get out of this mess.

But… it would be some time before I got those answers.

Time went on, and my attention went to other things. I found new hyperfixations over the years, and while I didn’t have the 7th book at the time, I was eventually able to get answers thanks to the internet.

Eventually I entered middle school, and I found myself drawn to new book series that I grew to love, but Captain Underpants remained a big part of my childhood and some of its happiest memories. And for a while, I thought that was all it would be; memories to just fondly look back on.

But that all changed the winter of 2016.

It was the halfway point between Christmas and New Year’s, and I was gonna be 24 in less than a month. I was spending my downtime between holidays like any other bored 20-something year old; scrolling through Tumblr, of course. It was during that time that I stumbled across this post by @mondentertainment. It was photos of posters from a Licensing Expo, showcasing upcoming animated projects, be it films or series.

Among them were a few that sounded promising, others not so much.

But what caught my eye was this.

A poster from DreamWorks with a very familiar face on it.

I could barely believe what I was seeing, and from the comments and reblogs on the post, neither could a lot of other people.

It was like a door that had been long locked in the back of my brain finally burst open, and all those memories came flooding back, particularly of a reoccurring thought that ran through my young mind whenever I would look at those illustrations every time I turned the page.

Could it really be true? Was one of my favorite childhood books finally getting a chance to truly come to life on the big screen?

It had already happened once before after I read Coraline in middle school, so there might be a chance.

As you could probably imagine, I poured my thoughts of hope and excitement into the tags as I reblogged the post.

And when the trailer finally dropped three months later, it was like meeting that one childhood friend you never truly forgot all over again.

So much happened after seeing the movie on opening night, including meeting Dav Pilkey himself!

And all the great memories and friends I’ve made since rediscovering the fandom all lead back to that one moment on December 28th, 2016.

And I couldn’t be more grateful for that.

[paodocinh]

Can you draw more plus-sized Summer Rose? Do you have other body diversity headcanons in RWBY, such as Qrow with a beer belly?

Hellooo lovely anon!

god, when i saw this ask i went absolutely ballistic. No words can explain just how much I adore my hcs of Summer Rose, she's my favorite RWBY character because the little details i added to her character as hcs just kind of made it for me, even if she has next to no screentime in the main series.

Personally, in my aus, i have tweaked and changed a LOT of the main cast so it'd have more representation. I couldn't draw all of them sadly, but here goes the little list:

Body diversity HCS ->

1. Blake Belladona is poc! This is the more obvious one but I decided to make her a dark-skinned woman as a general hcs in everything I do. You could also go further and say that her hair texture is different, and that she just straightens it.

2. Yang Xiao Long has a muscular build! (No shit sherlock) but yeah, she's buff! Give the girl her muscles! I also made her anatomy a little bit less off and she probably has a little belly too, because I can't really accept that she's so thin while her breasts are completely disproportionate to her body. She's also tanned!

3. This isn't exactly my HCS, because I haven't specifically added them to any AU, but I really like @peixedobar's take that Weiss Schnee has albinism.

4. Ruby Rose is also a bit stronger physically! She isn't as buff as Yang or Raven, because these two are absolute units, but she also isn't as thin as she is in cannon.

This is also more prominent for my Zombie!AU because Ruby lends Crescent Rose to Oscar for a good part of the plot, and after that she just... fucking punches everyone to oblivion. (I know it's a bit OOC but in-universe it makes sense)

5. Lie Ren is blasian! I don't really know where I got this from, but while thinking to myself about what I could do to make my Zombie Au more inclusive, the thought just crossed my mind. His hair is also textured, he has braids.

6. Raven Branwen is fucking jacked. Seriously she's probably the most well-built character I can think of in my AUs. She isn't like a massive war tank(or similar to League of Legends Illaoi for example) but she is very in-shape and has very well-defined muscles along with a body adorned by scars. Aside from that, she's also part asian, part... Brazillian? More elaboration on that on Qrow's part lmfao.

7. Qrow Brawen with a fucking beer belly LETS GOOOOOOOO!!

Anon, when you suggested that, i went insane. It had never crossed my mind, because I often drew Qrow with a very muscular build, mostly out of anatomy studies — But gosh, I adored this hc in so many ways i'll probably add it EVERYWHERE. QROW WITH A BEER BELLY SHALL BE MY MARK ON THIS PLANET.

Aside from that, I also made his face more detailed. Usually it was difficult for me to draw him because he lacked a lot of facial details that often make irl people more unique, and I believe that's due to RWBY's artstyle. On mines, however, he has beauty marks below his right eyebrow and one above the right side of his lips. Scars all over, too.

He has a Japanese descent(Assuming that The Branwen Tribe is from Anima + Raven's choice of wear cannonically) and asiatic features on his eyes, but him and Raven also have heavy latin-american characteristics. They're Brazillian in my aus, mostly out of a inside joke(I too am Brazillian) and the fact that Qrow gives me a lot of latino vibes(Contrary to popular fandom belief, his hips do not lie !!!!), but after a while I started noticing that It actually wouldn't be too far-fetched to believe this, because if you look back at the history and relationship between Brazil and Japan, you'd find that these two countries actually have a LOT of story together!

Brazil homes a bunch of different cultures and ethnicities in it's lands, it's a country with a lot of diversity so in my opinion it wouldn't be too otherworldly to make The Branwen Twins brazillian in my aus :p

That's it for body hcs! I'll probably have more in the near future, but for now these are the ones I can remember.

Other diversity Hcs ->

1. Autistic Penny, Ruby, Summer Rose(this wasn't on purpose, it just happened as I was writting her LMFAO), Neopolitan

2. Transfem Nora, He/They Lie Ren

3. ADHD Jaune, Qrow Branwen

4. This is specific to a AU I have, it isn't present in my other works, but in La Vie En Rose(Royal Au) Neopolitan eventually has a leg injury during a major plotpoint that leaves her disabled, so her Parasol is also used as a cane of sorts since she can't be as agile and flexible anymore. She's still slaying though, always.

5. Summer Rose is blind of one eye!

I'm quite sure I forgot a few, and with time I'll update you on everything, but for now these are the ones! Thanks for asking, Anon!

And just as you asked for~ A lovely Summer Rose on a Beach day for ya!

[eirian]

i love how i went from obsessed with danny phantom to Very Normal about dragon ball to absolutely str8 up batshit insane about inazuma eleven

its like. ok so i was seriously obsessed with dp for a long time, if yall followed me from that u remember how i was. it was my life. i literally named myself after dan phantom, thats why my name is dan and that is my legal name to this day. but dragon ball came along and entranced me so hard i actually was completely pulled out of danny phantom despite it being such a huge thing in my life at the time. and that lasted for a few years until suddenly these children with their silly powers and a soccer ball came into my life and said "join our soccer club!" and i was like yknow? i will do that. i will join your soccer club

so inazuma eleven was so strong and good that it pulled me out of my dragon ball obsession (for the most part). i am still HEAVILY interested and in love with dragon ball--i have four db tattoos and my middle and last names are dragon ball references for crying out loud. I WEAR GOKU SHOES!!!--but like. inazuma eleven is str8 up my favorite anime. probably my favorite show in general. it SURPASSED dragon ball as an interest for me and that was a huge feat if you knew me

i swear dude like there was a point where my ENTIRE FIT, EVEN WHEN I WENT OUT IN PUBLIC, was dragon ball. literally from head to toe. hat, shirt, necklace, pants, socks, shoes, and yes, even underwear. i wore dragon ball underwear. honestly i still fucking would if i hadnt grown too fat to fit into them anymore but hey i can always buy new ones baby!!!! i was kind of embarrassing to look at, frankly!!!! like oh my god you can ask my wife and even my family i had this one shirt (i even drew myself in it a few times) that was like, raditz's armor? but you could see his cleavage a little too, it was like one of those stupid muscle shirts. and everyone around me HATED IT (i found out abt this later thankfully LOL) but it was my FAVORITE shirt. it made me SO happy to be wearing merch of my favorite blorbo at the time. and i loved it so much i didnt even register (or care i guess?) how ugly and embarrassing it was. i was blinded by love tbh

where was i going with this. erm

yeah like. dragon ball is still a big part of my life but inazuma eleven is probably more important to me now tbh. and im not complaining abt that at all

dragon ball is how i met my wife, and it shaped a lot of who i am today, but inazuma eleven is kind of something my wife and i share specifically between us and bonded over heavily and thats part of why its so important to me <:3 so. ya

sorry for another super long text post ramble abt inazuma eleven im just very feeling it tonight i guess !!!!

[salamanderinspace]

Been thinking more about the Contrapoints video.

I was going to say that, as I get older, the egalitarian sex Natalie discusses is more and more alluring to me, but this is not true. That's always been the ideal. It's more like, the top/bottom predator/prey dynamic gets less and less palatable as I am constantly finding myself in relationships with uncomfortable default-fixed roles that my partner won't negotiate. It was so bad that, when I was about 24, I gave up on love and sex completely for about 6 years. Then I became involved with someone who, again, held so hard to those fixed roles (particular Lover/Beloved, Pursuer/Pursued) that it broke me. I trusted her not to treat me like that and was disappointed when that's what it became.

I went through my vampire romance phase at the age of 13, with Vivian Vande Velde and Anne Rice and a few others. Twilight didn't exist yet. The allure was always the power fantasy: what if I could be fast and strong and rich and pretty forever? But I found it very tragic that the vampires in these books lived lonely, isolated lives… viewing others as prey or threats. The moments that drew me into IWTV were the moments of companionship and peerdom, the whispered jokes between found family in the theater. So I think it's important to me to distinguish between two types of dark romance. The predator-prey stuff is fine but there is an itching in my heart for dark, bloodthirsty couples that generally try to direct their violence AWAY from each other, that trust each other absolutely.

Because I disagree with Natalie on a point. I don't think there is an inherent violence to love. I don't naturally experience sexuality or eros in itself as a kind of death (the death comes later, with rejection of separation.) I don't lose myself in the dissolution of boundaries--I've always been more than willing to dissolve and transgress freely and fluidly in a way that feels more like being a wave in an ocean and less like a hammer striking an anvil. Traditional mainstream kinksters usually propose hammer-anvil scenes that are very boring to me. I can do them, I can … but it's not what inflames me. What inflames me is the idea of a peer, of communion. The convent Natalie mentions is actually an almost perfect example of a fantasy that is wildly erotic to me: permanently committed, group-oriented, and egalitarian. Someone in Natalie's reddit also came in singing the praises of egalitarian sex, and bravely mentioned that they seek out sibling incest fantasies for that reason, which explains so much to me. Like honestly: what do convent fantasies, sibling incest fantasies, and lesbian cottagecore farming fantasies have in common? That egalitarian quality of peers confronting external domination. It's a shame that I (and Natalie) had to find writing about that in the work of this half-insane transphobic radical feminist but it's so rare that anyone shares this proclivity.

So yeah I see why the Dom/Sub thing is appealing to people and I'm fine writing it here and there but what calls to my heart is the other thing.

[luminouslune]

Happily Ever After

Pairing: K x reader

Genre: fluff, romance, humor

A/N: I have two more exams to go y'all😭

Summary: Everyone you knew have already had their happily ever after, or are already living it, but what about you? When's your happily ever after? It comes soon after a boy you drew in your ordinary sketchbook mysteriously came to life.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For being here<3"

I was finishing up college exams this week. It was my last year at the University, and I was absolutely ready to leave that school. 11:48. It was starting to get late. The moonlight creeping through my curtains. The only source of light besides my desk lamp. I was already staying up longer than I had intended.

I've been studying for this math exam since this evening and I felt like I wasn't getting anywhere. I sighed to myself, feeling hopeless. "I can't do this." I whispered to myself. I closed the heavy math book I had been studying with and pushed it away.

Highlighters, pens, and sticky notes littered my desk. I decided to take small breather and pulled my sketch book out of my drawer. Drawing had always been my favorite thing to do. I didn't start doing it on my own though, before I had no interest in it.

The reason I had started to draw or even do art in general was because of my older brother. As a kid I looked up to him so much that I wanted to do whatever he did. I sighed, sketching out a body. I wasn't quite sure who I was drawing exactly, but I just went with it.

Eventually I was too lost in my thoughts to even fully realize what I had drawn. A boy, no one I knew but I suppose just a character I designed. I named him K. I wrote an entire backstory for him, decided his age, personality, his motives.

I sketched on his final details, in his hair and outfit. Holding the sketchbook in front of me, I smiled. I was genuinely proud of myself for stepping outside my comfort zone with my art. Signed, Y/n. 12/14/23.

I leaned back on my chair, feeling a lot more calm than I had been previously when studying. The soft breeze outside could be heard from my room, making me realize how silent it was.

I stared up at my ceiling silently, feeling myself slip out of consciousness, eventually dozing off..

CRASH.

I quickly sat up from chair and looked around. Spotting slight movement from the floor near my bed, I stood up and made my way towards the door, ready to dart down the hall. "Ouch.." I heard a deep yet gentle voice speak. "H-hello..?" I saw him stand up, towering over everything in my room. He's tall. Really tall.

"Who are you? What're you doing in my room?" I said, grabbing a pen and pointing it towards him. Yeah, like that was gonna do anything. "Put the pen down before you hurt yourself princess." He said, unamused, taking the pen from my hand with no effort. "Princess?" I questioned him, unimpressed and quite frankly disgusted by the name.

He smirked and shrugged. "Names K, by the way, and I have no clue how I ended up here, I swear I was just in my room.." He said, rubbing his neck sheepishly. "K..? As in like..." I cut myself off and quickly went to my sketchbook, flipping through the pages. It's gone. The picture I drew of him was gone.

I looked back up at the boy, still a bit confused and shooken up. "What? How? When? Why?" I asked myself, not knowing what was happening. "Just chill, I'm sure there's a logical explanation for this." He said, casually sitting on my bed. "Oh god, I think I'm a witch or something. Or am I just going insane? I could be dreaming.."

I said, trying to think of all of the reasons that this could be happening. "I can assure you that you're not dreaming." He said, looking at me with a straight face. "Punch me." I said, walking up to him. "Excuse me?" He said, looking at me like I was insane. "You heard me, I need you to prove that I'm not dreaming or going insane." I said.

He rolled his eyes. "I'm not gonna punch you." He said, crossing his arms over his chest. I sighed and sat down next to him on the bed. "What the hell am I supposed to say to people who have never seen you before?" I asked. "Just say that I'm your boyfriend!" He said, rather too unbothered by the words that came out of his mouth.

I looked at him, my eyes widened and pink staining my cheeks. "What..?" I asked in shock. "Uhm, okay, K, not to be that girl or anything but, there is no way that people are gonna believe that I was able to pull a guy like you." I said looking at him, shaking my head.

"The hell's a guy like me? And why not? You're gorgeous." He said, smirking over at me. I felt myself grow warm at the comment and looked away for a second. "You're going to university with me tomorrow." I said, going out the hall to take some clothes from my brothers room and gave it to K.

"You're wearing that tomorrow okay?" I said, looking up at him. He smirked and nodded. "Anything for you Angel." He said with a flirty tone. I rolled my eyes but I couldn't stop myself from smiling a bit. He went into my closet to change and then he walked back out.

"You have good fashion taste, I should have you as my stylist." He said. "Stylist...? Oh yeah-i forgot I kinda wrote you as an idol.. " I said, whispering the last part. He went back into my closet, looking through my clothes. "If you're about to be my girlfriend, I'm gonna need you to match outfits with me." He said with a grin.

I laughed a little. "Fine." I replied, giving in to his request. K changed into some PJ's and I set both of our outfits out, ready for tomorrow. "You can sleep on my bed if you want, I don't mind sleeping on the couch." I said. "No, I don't mind sharing the bed. Plus I'm not about to let you sleep on a couch." He said with a soft grin.

We both layed down silently. I stared into the darkness feeling myself start to smile a bit, I didn't realize how warm it could be with someone else in the bed with me, and I loved the company to tell the truth.. I felt K pull my against him, his face against my neck. I felt myself grow flustered but in the best way possible, I fell asleep with a small smile on my face.

Happily ever after?

©luminouslune

[peggyluvsdrew]

Hi guys, this is the fic we’ve had in the works for a while now and we’ve decided we’d like to release it now, hope you guys enjoy! ❤️

CARER WALKS IN

tw! mentions of being unconscious!

you and drew erupted into a fit of giggles as he wheeled you down the path to your LA bungalow, he juggled through your bag looking for your keys and yelped out a “gotcha” when he found them, you chuckled to yourself admiring his goofy self.

Once you entered the bungalow, you set the scene and lit some candles when drew came up to you and gave you a passionate snog. You smiled into the snog and he let out a soft laugh, he looked into your green eyes and smiled to himself as he remembered the time he gave you a gorgeous emerald green chain. You let out a sexually frustrated sigh and pulled him in for more, his legs practically straddling your paralysed state. You moaned as he kissed down your neck finding your sweet spot, he growled in your ear and it drove you insane!

He wheeled you over to the shower and began to undress you as he knew you struggled doing that by yourself, you looked down embarrassed just wishing that you could do this yourself. He gave you the most caring look and let out a soft groan as you put your hand on his todger through his grey sweats.

Once you were both fully naked from head to toe drew began to run the shower and let the steamy water run over you both. He dropped to his knees to be at level with your chair height. He kissed from from your toes all the way up to your thighs and you let out a scrumptious sigh ready to be absolutely demolished by drew the devil. “you might wanna strap in tonight” he said growling, you let out an excited squeal grabbing your buckles to keep you from falling out your four wheeler.

You were feeling in a goofy mood and as he kissed his way up to your vulumptious private parts you couldn’t help yourself but rev up your engine do a wheely feeling electric as he bounced off you into the shower wall, he groaned as his back hit the soaking wall and you wheeled over to his body and said “i’m in control tonight”

in the voice of lightening mcqueen. His eyes went wide and said “are you sure you want to do this i mean uh…remember what happened last time” “DREW ARE YOU SERIOUS YOU KNOW I HATE WHEN YOU BRING UP ME FALLING OUT MY CHAIR” you burst into a fit of sobs and he went to come up to comfort you but you wheeled back feeling betrayed.

After sitting there in silence for what felt like a lifetime, drew attempted to pull himself up on your chair but failing miserably and face planting the floor pulling your chair down with him “baby are you okay, y/n answer me” his worst nightmare had happened. you were on the floor unconscious still strapped in your chair naked as he and his member were hovering over you speechless. He heard the bathroom door unlock and in walked boomquif, your carer.

She was angry, not even angry she was LIVID. She was always weary of guys taking advantage of your fragile body but she never actually expected to walk in on it happening. She sobbed a horrifying scream and yelled “WHAT THE HECK DREW OH MY GOD NO THIS CANNOT BE HAPPENING WHAT DID YOU DO TO HER” drew stuttered trying to explain himself but before he could get the right words out she shushed him and pulled him up, leaving your helpless body there on the shower floor.

she yanked him from the bathroom and told him “you know buddy, i didn’t expect different from a guy like you but this is finally my chance, y/n is always bringing sexy daddys home like yourself” and she began to tear up but carried on “and i just get left waiting in the dark to finally out myself to use when she calls me for her post sexy times shower” drew looked at her with so much sympathy and said “boomquif i-i-i don’t know what to say…” but boomquif cut him off and said “now that she’s finally knocked out for a few hours should we you know…put this time to good use” they made passionate love all night long next to y/n’s body.

[windowsandfeelings]

Tonight I was like, “well, I should watch ‘The Girl in the Locket.’” (Which is usually my go-to Nancy Drew episode when I just want to watch one.) (I love the Nancy and Ryan stuff in that episode so much it makes me !!!!! The ritual scene??? I could watch it a million times. And I have.) And then from there I went to “The Ransom of the Forsaken Soul.” ‘Cause I love pain. And then I just...started season 4 over from the beginning? Again? 

Anyway. 

“The Danger of the Hopeful Sigil” makes me feel INSANE. ABSOLUTELY FERAL I CAN’T BELIEVE IT’S REAL. It’s been weeks and I’m still just. wow. WOW.

(I also cannot believe the CW still hasn’t fixed the fucked up act breaks in the streaming version yet. They’re not just wrong, they are truly as poorly placed as you could possibly manage to misplace them.)

I’m just enjoying this season so much, and I’m so excited for where it’s going and so dreading that it’s going to end in a mere 6 weeks and so unsure of what I will do with myself after it’s over. What will my next hyperfixation be?? How long will it take for it to find me???

[mccoys-killer-queen]

Meeting Lawrence Gowan: The Complete Saga

Okay so I still keep thinking that this happened only 2 days ago but it's been almost a week now so I figured I owe you guys a summary of what happened last Tuesday (plus this story didn't even reach its conclusion until yesterday so it's good that I waited to tell)

firstly: this was my first time outside of America and I did it solely so I could go to a Gowan show (because the Gowan material is only known in Canada so he only tours there) so I was willing to do whatever it took to get as much as I could out of this.

I had befriended a local couple while waiting in line for the show, we sat by each other during the show and I asked them if it's easy to go around back to try and meet the bands here and they were like oh yes we do it all the time here so they showed me afterwards

the show was ABSOLUTELY incredible like it was just so much fun there was so much chemistry between Gowan and the crowd and UGH everyone had a blast it's easily one of my fav concerts of all time

after the show me and this couple went around back and talked to some of the roadies and the opening act

the roadies said it would be at least 45 minutes to an hour before Gowan came out. I was willing to wait. I came all that way so I was gonna be insane and try my chances

the couple left, I remained. No one else remained.

it was COLD it was 19 degrees (-6C) but it wasn't bothering me too much

i started waiting a bit after 11 and it wasn't until exactly midnight that something happened...

people who worked at the venue came and went, everyone def saw me waiting in the alley/parking lot behind the venue (which was small btw) but no one spoke to me the whole time or caused a fuss or tried to kick me out thank god,,, i know how I looked

at about 11:57pm i looked up at the full moon and took a picture of it. I had said to myself I was gonna wait until midnight then head back to my hotel, so I was starting to feel a little low as the time drew near. I wasn't ready to head back just yet.

Less than two minutes later, the back door of the venue opened again, but someone propped it open, and several people filed out

one of them was Larry

***

immediately I took a step or two forward and just went "oh my god-!" because I genuinely could NOT believe that he was actually there- thirty seconds before that moment I was losing hope and THEN-

of course I awkwardly said hi, Larry smiled real big and said hi back, and he went "You must've had a good time, you were right up front!"

I told him that YES it was the best

He gave his bags to someone else to put in the van (or he put his stuff in the back of the van I don't remember exactly) and said he'd be a minute or something like that

"You must be freezing!!"

"I am! :D sorry, I'm crazy, but i came so far I figured I'd try anything to meet you"

he was right in front of me and had like the BIGGEST smile on his face the entire time he is so cute I still can't breathe

we're like the exact height he's shorter than I expected and while looking into his eyes right in front of me I just COULDN'T FATHOM THAT HE WAS RIGHT THERE like it was SO surreal and I was IMMEDIATELY face to face with him and it took me a moment to get a grip bc in the back of my head i was just constantly thinking "no WAY this is actually happening holy shit"

he asked me my name so I told him and he was like "nice to meet you, Rachel!" so I went "nice to meet YOU"

i also said the cold wasn't too bad for me because I'm from Pennsylvania, to which he mentioned their one manager guy is from Philly

i told him where i live in relation to Philly and he asked exactly where I'm from

i told him the exact name of the town I live in, then struggled to describe its location bc i live in bumfuck nowhere

i asked him if he's heard of this type of beer that's made close to where I live and he kinda awkwardly shook his head and I was like "that's just what I always ask people when I'm really out of town and trying to describe where I live"

he asked me how I got to Ottawa and if I drove (I did not, I flew in from NYC)

somehow I wasn't TERRIBLY AWKWARD i think I did great ngl

he must've said the words "you must be freezing" at least 3 times and i'm not even joking like him being concerned about my body temperature is a running theme in this story you can't make this shit up i swear i have photographic proof just keep reading

i couldn't stop looking into his eyes and smiling and it felt so wonderful just to look at him and it just felt so suddenly intimate overall I wonder if he felt it too, like it just felt as if it was so right, like something in the universe had finally aligned and something secret and sacred was happening or maybe i should just shut up

i don't remember the PRECISE order this convo went in like we talked about a few different things in a VERY short amount of time i stg it felt like we spoke for 5-10 minutes but it was literally like 2

did I mention he is literally so adorable

i thanked him for taking the art print at the very end of the show (you've all seen my Gowan piece) and told him it made me so happy and he was like "you did a great job!!! now did you make that?"

I was like "yes I did make it!! I also made one of Tommy and the Styx instagram page shared it and Tommy actually saw it which was really cool!!" and he looked so happy i would die for him

he said to me "I don't know how you got the- piano stand to look like that...!"

i told him that wasn't even the hardest part- that the hardest part was drawing his pants because they were so wrinkly

he thought that was really funny (I am going to get such a good grade in Gowan. Something that is both normal to want and possible to achieve)

i told him I was at the Allentown show for Styx back in August and he was like "oh really?" and I said that I was the only one in a Gowan shirt

to which he said "ahh so I definitely pointed you oot then" (yes his accent slipped through I couldn't believe it)

I told him that yes he pointed me out right at the first song and I'll never forget it (I'm such a fucking dweeb)

I said "I swear I feel like I'm the only Gowan fan in America sometimes" and he said someone at the show tonight was from California which made me go "really??"

he told me the Gowan records were never released in the US (which I did not know)

so I told him that despite that, I do have two of his albums and found them somehow, but they're stamped promo copies

I told him he should do a small Gowan tour in the US- even if it's just for two people (referencing myself and the California person) and he just kinda sheepishly rolled his eyes and was like "ohh I don't know..."

he asked me if I got a pick, so I said yes bc both he threw one at me, his brother gave me one, and his son gave me a setlist

i don't remember how the convo ended, but eventually Larry said he was gonna head onto the van, so I asked if we could get a picture quick, to which he said something like "of course we can!"

he said "let's take it over here" and led me just inside the back door of the venue that was still propped open because he was like "let's get out of the cold" or implied that or something he's just sweetest like UGH

we leaned into each other, I held up the phone, IMMEDIATELY noticed my bangs got sucked under my beanie, said "god, you can't even see my bangs-" ripped off my hat, very quickly pulled my bangs forward, then took 3 photos of us.

I thanked him for the photo, and thanked him so much for taking the time to talk to me, and he said he appreciates me coming "all this way"

it was here that I wanted to hug him SO BAD he looked so huggable in his dapper coat and scarf tucked into it, but it didn't feel appropriate at the moment to hug him, but also i think he was expecting me to hug him ? there wasn't really an opening for it to happen and I don't think shaking his hand was a better option so I didn't try either. The photo and convo and just the overall ENERGY felt so intimate already- why push it? I just kept being modest and not overstepping any boundaries (he probably knows I was too shy in the moment to hug him)

as we walked to the van together, he said "I hope you don't have far to go"

I said it's a short walk back to my hotel

he said "I hate to see a young lady like you out by yourself this late"

and I was playfully like "I'll be fine- unless you wanna walk me there" like I was SMOOTH AS BUTTER GUYS

I said this as he was getting in the van, and he just got a little bashful and chuckled "I did not bring a big enough coat!!"

he wished me safe travels, said it was nice talking to me or something, and that he'll see me on the road

I'll be hearing "safe travels, Rachel!" in the back of my head for the rest of my life

"You too! Have a great night!"

***

then I kept walking away, refusing to look back because HGGGGHHHHHH IS HE LOOKING AT ME WHILE I WALK AWAY WOULD I EVEN BE ABLE TO SEE IF HE IS????

i just kept walking up the block and turned the corner and looked to see if anyone was around and i started RUNNING AND LAUGHING AND COVERING MY MOUTH AND JUMPING I had never felt so happy in my entire life I stg it felt like Singing In the Rain but in the middle of the night in Ottawa

I DIDNT KNOW HOW TO TELL ANYONE WHAT JUST HAPPENEDNEWORFNWRONQR

i knew I couldn't tell anyone straight away- because there was one person who needed to hear from me before anyone else did-- Larry.

the second I got back to my hotel, i immediately sat in the lobby, pulled out my phone, and texted him that I got back safely. I figured I owed it to him- especially because he seemed so concerned for me, the sweetheart

i went up to my room, and holy shit.

I got changed, threw myself on my bed, and thought about how I'm gonna tell everyone that I just met Lawrence Gowan ????

I took a selfie of my "nobody knows I just met Larry" face because secret secret I've got a secret it was such a funny feeling dfoigndfogefeogvso only I knew that the most incredible thing in the world had just happened, and I wanted to hold onto that moment for just a littttle bit before I told anyone else

I sat up and opened up insta, instinctively went into my DMs, and saw "Lawrence Gowan- seen just now" and then-

this motherfucker was texting me already, half an hour after we spoke in person

I got up and stood at my window and just started sobbing (but no tears came). This was the greatest moment- the greatest feeling on earth- and I never wanted it to end. Six months ago, I didn't even know this man's name, now here I am, in a foreign country, having him text me in the middle of the night after we just met in person. If you told me six months ago that i would be in this situation with "the piano guy you saw with styx at m3", that we would have history together, that he would quickly mean so much to me, i would've been like "holy SHIT ? ?? what HAPPENED??"

I checked his message-

this motherfucker really is concerned about me getting warm, huh

I sent him a quick "back at ya!" and that was that.

I quickly got some photos edited the next morning and posted them to my story (he shared them!) and shared the photo of us together (which he liked and sent his dumb little avatar in reply to as always gkjnfdogwnergw)

i had this sinking feeling that i needed to tell him more- have him understand better just how much joy our little interaction sparked. I decided to text him again the morning I went back to the States (something a wee bit lengthy and thought out) letting him know that as my first foreign trip came to an end, he made me feel so welcome in a place where I had not a single person who knew me or was glad to see me (except for him!) I told him a bunch of things, most importantly that he should know how much he's loved in America (at least by me)

days went by and he never opened these messages- until yesterday.

this motherfucker REALLY WANTS ME TO STAY WARM HUH

anyway this is the single most sweetest text i've ever gotten i want it framed on my wall tattooed on my face woven into my DNA etc and this man is the only true gentleman i've ever met

moral of the story is i would die for this old man but what else is new also i spent $600 this morning on a Styx ticket so I can be close to Him again at the end of July goodnight <3

[nukenai]

Well it’s 1am but I absolutely have to finally write one of these posts, don’t read if you don’t wanna be teleported to a sad 1am post of mine from 5 years ago or be consumed by gigacringe (this post is not sad but cw for some as-expected negative mental health stuff/actions I’ll be mentioning, from my past.)

I really don’t think I can even begin to articulate how important Super Mario RPG is to me. When I was a kid - like I’m talking 2006-ish - my Thing(tm) was Earthbound. We didn’t say “fandom” back then. Besides Pokemon and Zelda, it became my THING and I fell so in love with it. A weird part of internet Earthbound culture back then was that you were mad at Super Mario RPG for making Earthbound sell poorly. I know, it’s insane, I was 15 cut me a fucking break.

So yeah that was all intrinsically linked with Smash, obviously. I was online during the pre-release of Brawl days, browsing places like /v/, and there was all this talk of this guy Geno. I didn’t know who Geno was! One time I did a Deviantart Journal “quiz” thing, and one question was, “Who is a video game character you hate?” My response was “I dunno, that Geno guy”. A friend of mine at the time was like “??? Like SMRPG Geno? How could you hate him?” and me being a teenager, I was like well, I’m annoyed that everyone talks about him.

Stuff got weird pretty quickly. An artist I had a goofy little crush on drew Geno. And I went, huh. Okay.

Then Brawl came out. I won’t even get into all of that because this is about SMRPG, but people ripped data off the disks and found unused stuff. Like unused music. I was mad about the unused Earthbound music, and the Ballad of the Wind Fish. Boo!

But then someone made a fun little album, called “Brawl - The Lost Tracks”. They got together “as official as possible” versions of the songs that had gone unused and only existed as text files on the disk. This included Beware the Forest’s Mushrooms (I’ve made angry posts before about how wrong the Cutting Room Floor page is about this track NOT being BTFM - ask me about it sometime and I’ll start screaming)

So one day I downloaded this little album. And I remember exactly where I was sitting, I listened to a couple of the EB songs like yeah, alright. Then there was a nice remix of the ballad of the wind fish. Then I saw beware the forest’s mushrooms and I thought, well. Why not. It’s a song. I like music.

It was the official arrange from the arrangement album. Until Memoria it was 100% the most beautiful rendition of the song to ever exist. And I lost my goddamn mind. I had never heard a song so gorgeous and I was instantly so upset with myself for being such a stubborn dork about SMRPG for so long (imagine that, me, stubborn!!)

So it all kinda hit me like a truck. I remember the day I first saved a piece of Geno fanart, like a day after I heard the song, and I was GOT. I thought oh, maybe he’s kinda cute, and it all just spiraled into hell. When I was a kid I was all into people drawing him as a Cool Anime Bishounen, but now I’m extremely cool and am like “Doll only, please!” unless it’s the goofy cute human design I have for him. But really I prefer doll. ANYWAYS.

During my high school years my life was... uh, rough. I was dealing with domestic violence in my home and we were more than once kicked out of our house and had to scramble to find a place to stay temporarily. While I was still just going to classes. I wound up failing my 11th grade English class because I often didn’t have access to a computer with internet or a printer and couldn’t do my assignments. My teacher didn’t ask why I was suddenly not finishing assignments, she just failed me. I went to summer school and it wound up being one of the best experiences of my life though. So, you know.

Throughout all this bullshit I like, had Geno. I had a reason to look up at the starry sky and make wishes and track meteor showers. It was something to like, keep my going again. Unsurprisingly I was DEEPLY struggling with my mental health. I was self-harming, and was just in general doing Very Fucking Not Great and felt like I had nowhere to turn. To this day my family like, doesn’t let me talk about this situation, and I received no help or support from any of them during this. Things are better now, but holy fuck, man. It was just my mom and I dealing with domestic violence and homelessness and no one was helping us.

But I had him. I had the “will he be in Smash someday?” shit. I had the Smash speculation community. I had SMRPG fans who were all like-minded cool people who loved how much I loved Geno, because they loved him too! He was like a fucking life raft for me in one of the worst periods of my whole existence and always felt like an anchor when things were spiraling out of control.

And it feels so corny to talk about it, because oh Nuke, you’re always dramatic about characters. But damn, did it fucking hurt when “friends” were just straight up fucking mean to me about Smash stuff for years on end. Damn did it hurt when I tried to express how important this shit was to me, and it was written off as me being ridiculous about a Video Game, you know? Would therapy have been good? Maybe. I tried it as an adult after being pressured into it by my ex and it was an actual nightmare because the only therapist in my area with hours compatible with my job who took my insurance was like 24 years old and told me straight to my face she didn’t want to talk about things I liked because she didn’t understand them. So maybe not! But I had this something, something so important to me, and it felt like everyone around me was so fucking Tired of me caring so much about something. It felt like everyone was tired of ME. And I was tiring of myself too, and it fucking sucked! It really did.

A couple years ago I finally let go of all the rage and sorrow in my heart and I’ve been doing so, so well. I found myself so suddenly surrounded by people who fucking care about me, and who are like “Oh, I don’t know that character, tell me about them! You love them so much!”, and people who invite me over to their house to just sit and watch Transformers or build model kits. People tell me to my face “I don’t think you’re annoying” when I compare myself to Rodimus, and I get actively invited to things. Wow! It’s been so fucking NICE. It sucks to have such nightmares in my past to compare this all to, but man, the difference is insane.

So it’s like. I wanted this to happen years ago. I wanted them to announce a SMRPG remake, or something, a few years ago when I was at my worst, when people were treating me like shit, when friends of my SO were being huge assholes to me only for my SO to say “hmm I think you’re making that up because you’re dramatic”.

But it didn’t. And I got through everything with my own strength. And now I’m at my absolute best, and I get this now. I get it once I’ve moved past all those miserable negative people who treated me like garbage. I don’t have to rub it in their faces and be like “Look, I got this far, I’ve made it and I won over all the SHIT”. Because none of them are here anymore and they don’t matter to me.

I got so many messages across all my social medias, even from people who I haven’t actually spoken to in some time (but still exist in internet circles with, you know how online friendships are), so many people saying oh my god, Nuke, I’m so happy for you, holy shit congratulations, this is amazing I can’t believe it.

I love you all so fucking much, I love Super Mario RPG so fucking much, all of you and this game are so important to me I don’t even know if 4k more words of rambling nonsense can express it. I am at such a good place in my life now, I want to spread that positivity and do my best to be good to people and to the world that has been so good to me these past few years. Despite how this year started, it hasn’t felt like a negative shroud over me. Just another challenge to overcome, and I’ve overcome literally everything put in front of me so far. Nothing is phasing me anymore and I’m doing so GREAT.

I’m so happy the remake is happening at a time when I’m at my best. I didn’t need anyone to save me before, and now this will just lift me higher. And I can truly enjoy it, as a joyful gift, as opposed to hoping it will be a life raft getting me out of a flood. I can truly enjoy it for what it is and what it’s meant to be.

A beautiful, delightful, very funny little video game, about Mario and all his weird little friends.

I don’t think I’ll even mind having to say goodbye to Geno at the end, again. Because I know now, there’s nothing stopping him from coming back.

And hey, SMRPG’s not a very long game. I can always replay it. And Geno will always be there.

Always.

[wouldnt-it-be-hilarious-if-i]

Adding this song to the list of songs I'd like sung to me one day

Thinking a lot about this girl (me, circa 2011/2012) tonight.

I was the cringiest person on the planet, but I love that girl. She was so angry and silly and immature, and I just want that energy back. I want the ability to feel rage again and to stand up for myself. I mean, I PELTED a boy with my unused pads! I hopped a desk to beat a boy's ass because he called a girl that I did not like ugly! I cussed people out on the regular and roasted them on sight! I kicked a girl in the back of the knees and made her slam down against the pavement once when she said her little brother could call my brother the N word if he wanted because that's probably exactly what he was!

But I also wrote out the funniest diary entries. I planned mine and my crush's wedding out to the minutest detail: The flowers, the venue, the dress, the colors, the theme. I drew pictures. I wrote the headings out in different colored markers. I drew myself as Rapunzel and wrote captions begging for my prince. I wrote that boys were bad, and then in all caps wrote that I like that.

Once, I wrote a poem for my crush and read it in class. He was in that class, and I looked him directly in the eye and read it to him. When he laughed at me and asked if I wrote it for him, everyone laughed with him until I said, "Don't flatter yourself. I'd never waste my time writing about you." But I did! I absolutely did write about him and truly thought if I read him a poem declaring my love for him in class, he would magically love me back. He did, but he didn't admit it until the end of the year after I moved.

I followed boys around in elementary school taking notes on their character to see if they worthy of my time and if they aligned with my values. One time, a boy asked my brother if he could ask me to stop watching him practice for basketball because me taking notes on him was creeping him out a little. Like, y'all, I had no awareness of social cues whatsoever. I just did this. I'd fill whole journals with my notes.

I would give anything to know what happened to those journals because I just know the notes were funny.

One time, my friend and I went on a field trip when we were in the 5th grade and we convinced ourselves that the surprise guest they kept telling us about was Justin Bieber. We were insane. There was absolutely no reason for us to think this. But when they started to announce who the guest was, the arena we were in, which housed almost all the elementary schools in the area (this was in Hawaii), was dead silent. And we both got so fucking excited and gaga over this guy that we both jumped up and started screaming and dancing, "WE LOVE YOU JUSTIN!!!!!!!!!!!!"

And then the announcer announced some guy???? We were both immediately embarrassed. I remember sitting down and both of us just covering our faces with our hands until everyone looked away. A few years later, when the Justin Bieber movie came out where he was talking about his life, I went with a friend and we wore Justin Bieber everything and squealed uncontrollably whenever he came on the screen. And then we fought over who was going to marry him.

And you know the brand Little Miss Matched?

This one?

The entire point of the brand is that nothing matches and it's supposed to be super zany and unique. I discovered them in New York and begged my parents for as many pairs as they would buy me. They got me several, and I wore them. Every. Single. Day. I was twelve. I wore these to school and around the house. I wore tutu's to school with combat boots and fake nerd glasses and my makeup never looked good ever.

At my school, we used to take used, unwashed chip bags and make bows out of them and put them in our hair. It was camp. I remember one time, I wanted to show school spirit during spirit week and I wrote out the mascot on my face in eyeliner while looking in the mirror. A girl who became one of my best friends ended up telling me that the word was backward before anyone else had the chance to see. Love her.

That was dumb shit. I was best friends with all my teachers. I loved my art teacher because she told me that I was the only tolerable child she had in any of her classes and my art was always so creative. I used copious amounts of glitter and gems on everything. My lit teacher and I used to talk about my goals to read all the classics I could before high school, and she would recommend poetry to me. She made me feel like a queen because I knew the psychological term for a fear of being without your phone.

When Mindless Behavior was big, I nearly fought a girl who told me that Ray Ray was hers. I made edits and devoted whole albums on my Facebook to these guys (and to Justin Bieber). I sobbed when Miley Cyrus and Nick Jonas broke up, and I secret shipped Fiona and Imogen on Degrassi when they fell for each other. I used to use words like "salutations" and say terms and idioms that everyone laughed at me for. I'd ask philosophical questions during math class, "What if the Christian God is just like the Greek Gods? If our God is the god of everything, and there are individual Gods of certain things with the Greek Gods, that means that our God could be just like the other gods. He just has all their powers in one place." To which they answered, "What the hell are you talking about? There's only one God." They just weren't on my level *flips hair*

I've caught myself reverting back to this girl in the last few months. Listening to the music that she did. Not caring so much about the way I dress and present myself. Writing fanfiction again and posting it.

I just love this girl, this version of me, so much. I know how much she cried, and I know how hurt she was. I know how badly she needed help and how often she cried out for it and was ignored. I know what she went through and the way she was treated. I know how hard it was for her to fit in because she just couldn't get herself to mask in a way that would allow her to fit in. She always did things a little bit wrong. Always misread situations just slightly. Was always using language in the wrong context.

But I also know that she's still friends with her friends from middle school, and that they always have kind things to say about that girl. I know that my room was carefully covered from wall to wall in posters of all my favorite celebrities from Teen Bop and Tiger Beat magazines. I know that she used to try the crafts from American Girl magazine, and that she loved to read about every celebrity's life. I know that she used to explore the woods and pretend she was a princess or a witch. I know that she left out offerings to fairies until she was thirteen, and that she made spells under the moonlight, and hit her nephew (he's two years younger) with the back of a rake and knocked him down the stairs by accident when he kept jumping into the same pile of leaves that he had just heard her dad threaten to beat her ass over.

I know how much she hated herself. But all these things about her are what I miss the most. I miss her inability to fit in because it protected her from a lot. I miss her inability to read and interpret social cues because it means that she didn't process just how deep a lot of the hate for her went. I miss her lack of awareness, her freedom, her drive to live her own life on her own terms even if it meant putting on makeup at school and changing her clothes to something she liked after she left home. If she wanted to wear lip gloss, she would make it happen. She was so fierce and angry and tough and funny and full of life. She had no chill whatsoever and embarrassed herself at any given moment.

When did I stop getting angry? When did I stop fighting back for myself? Why did I stop?

I miss her. I miss her so much and I admire and love her. I don't care how cringey and weird and funny she was. She is a part of me, and every day, I strive to give back to her just as much as I give back to little Brooklyn.

In 2023, I want to go back to her.

[leam1983]

Amon Tobin - Bad Sex.mp3

We gave of ourselves last night - and Walt gave everything he had.

I've written about our late weeks and our time spent in bed before, I won't bore you with the particulars, time time around. Structurally, it was sex, as per usual. In terms of intent, however, it felt much more meaningful.

We'd spent months reining ourselves in, knowing we lived right next door to my parents. Now, all there is around us consists of a lakeshore and the cover of sleepy oak trees and pines, and we're in the off-season. There's virtually no-one around for miles on end. You need Walt's car to reach civilization.

So, with that in mind, we went in hard, last night. We went in hungry, and we went in both starved of affection and desirous of an excuse to provide it to one of the other two.

We screamed, yelled, grunted, spoke and whispered - and we called ourselves all the pet names we have for each other. Sarah claimed she felt our desire course through her, and Walt eventually reached a point where saying "I'm fat!" on a declamatory tone felt like a declaration of pride, of absolute self-satisfaction. He accentuated the word fat as if his belly were some sort of physical manifestation of our desire, and guided my hands on his chest as he did so.

"You make me feel sexy," he eventually gasped. "You make me feel wanted. You validate all my sartorial fetishes and you make me want to adorn myself for the both of you..."

We kept going where we normally would've stopped, pushed into pure animalistic urges. We reached a point where consensually-used insults were the only way we had to express the depth of our need for one another. Walt called me a cripple and it tore at my heart in the best way possible, and Sarah called Walt a neurotic swine while he pushed himself into her repeatedly, working through all the standard terms you'd never use with a woman you love.

I didn't know you could reach a point where actual markers of love and kindness stop feeling like they're enough. We needed raw input: Walt needed my fingers around his throat and I needed his tongue so completely in my mouth I could barely breathe.

We bruised each other, scratched one another, even drew a few drops of blood - but collapsed in a single pile once the urge faded.

Hands at his forehead, staring at the ceiling in disbelief, Walter huffed several long breaths before speaking.

"I didn't think I could love someone else this much. Even at their absolute trashiest, my exes only gave me hickeys. You two, though?"

Sarah followed his sliding gaze. "I wanted to bite you so hard, hon."

Walt's eyes are big, wide and earnest. "I would've wanted you to."

I'm staring at a corner of the room, as sensorily overloaded as I am. "I felt like punching you."

Walt barely takes a second to think. "I would've begged you to do it."

I fell silent for a while.

"Goddamn, this is insane. I'd do it again in a heartbeat, sure, but I'm still shocked."

Silence settles back in. We all have bruises and cuts to take stock of, with decency and respect for one another pushing us to shelve the screaming, thrashing urge for more aside for later.

Much, much later.

[intrepidradish]

Media: Predators

Year/my age: 2020-2022/30-32

What drew me to the media:

My friend Iterations dragged me in kicking and screaming. This is such a strange fandom for me. I don't even know how to approach talking about it.

At some point, via the Ao3 comment sections of my stories, Iterations suggested the Farscape fandom didn't appreciate me enough and that I should bring my weird queer stories to Predators instead, which at the time, had absolutely zero lgbtq representation.

I was in the midst of lockdown, alone in a house alone in a city I recently relocated to with family in different states. I was very alone, but there was a discord group. I did have gdocs and a big imagination. Iterations was great to talk to. The discord... was really hard on me, and I've only recently left, much to my relief.

What made me a fan:

Nothing did. To this day, I am not a fanatic about predators. I get the appeal of giant, ripped aliens that are stoics for the monster love genre, but the world building is missing for me to really engage with them for writing. But as someone that has only watched the films, the world for yautja isn't something I care to explore further.

And that isn't to say that people in the Predator fandom aren't doing a bang up job exploring it! I still edit work for the fandom, Skadi's Starchild, and he's taking the world in a lot of fun places in his works. Alpha produces in world essays about Aliens and Predators. Others too! If you like monster fucking, it's a rich fandom! People do fun things with Predators. I could probably do more myself (I have ideas) but I'm not going to explore them as fanfiction.

Have I written fanfiction for it? Why or why not?

Yes! I started with Belladonna because there was not a single wlw story in the entire ao3 tag. It's a great story! It's really sexy! I wrote it because I was told women yautja wouldn't enjoy sex outside of mating, and it made me see red. Even if you don't care about Predators you should read this story because it's fast and awesome!

Romp Reversal is probably the most insane story I've published to date about body swapping a little twink cloaca-haver with a yautja. The twink body with the yautja brain gets shipped off to be sexed trained for an enormous spider and the yautja body with a sex-obsessed idiot cutey gets in trouble in other ways. >_>

Yautja PI is very plot heavy and was written by Iterations and me. We took different chapters. It's the first sad ending I've written. It was such a fun challenge working with someone else on a story. I recommend trying to any writer. It will stretch your muscles.

Fox Hunt I wrote over October in 2020, and then hated it! Iterations read it and said it wasn't as bad as I thought, so I reread it again. It is really good. It has this strange victorian racism pov where a bunch of british lords think a predator is a zulu warrior. It's actually more shitty to british people (imo), but they deserve it LOLS. Surprisingly, this story is very popular. It is doing well on wattpad somehow (I don't understand wattpad). I think because it's mlm, it's british, and the sex is hot.

I wrote a trilogy to fix the Predator 2018, which had that makings of a good movie but really fucking wiffle-balled it. I rewrote it. New Procedure is mostly focused on Casey/Fugitive and is surgical kink. It's the most popular probably! Then I went into this huge tangent about defeating the Ultimate predator for a bit, which was difficult for me to finish writing because I was mentally excusing myself from the fandom. Then the conclusion one shot, New Theory, which has some fun sex, but is definitely me tired.

Opinion on the fandom:

I didn't have a very good time with the fandom. We got in lots of fights. I got pigeon holed for something I don't write because I defended people's freedom to write it. There was a lot of bullying, and if I engaged to protect people from bullying, I was not only attacked by the people being bullied but also draw people's attention. It sucked. I'm glad I'm out of it. I find it mildly amusing that most of the people in that discord no longer writes Predator fanfiction. Gatekeeping strangles your own creativity too.

That being said, it's a huge fandom. My works get a lot of attention. People will stick around for very long stories if the payoffs are right.

I'm also really proud of what I produced while in the fandom! I wrote some good stuff during a very difficult time. God the trauma of the pandemic lives long.

Would I read it again?

There are a few stories I'm subscribed to that I'll keep reading. If my friends write anything I'll probably read it!