#absolutely spectacular 10/10 no notes

[tangerinesunbeam]

My best pics from last night 🤧

Love on Tour Coventry 1, 22/05/23

[avocado-frog]

Finals week is upon us.

[13uswntimagines]

13 Eras of Us (Taylor Swift x Morgan!R): Era 1 - We Were Both Young When I First Saw You

Request: Taylor Swift x Alex morgan's little sister. They start off as friends and realize that there may be something more.

Chapter synopsis: 1 of 13: The era where everything begins. R and Taylor meet, and become friends. Composed of little moments between them, r and the Team and R and her sister.

Notes: Hey dudes, i'm really really stoked about this series, and i really hope you enjoy it. Let me know what you think.

July, 2015

We were both young when I first saw you

You sighed, gripping the rubber handles of your crutches, leaning more heavily onto the foam padding under your arms despite the ache it caused from the constant chafing. It was an annoying consequence of your injury. 

A secondary effect that the trainers hadn’t told you about when they convinced you that an Achilles tear wasn’t something you could walk off. When they swore up and down that the two other liniments in your ankle were holding on by threads and absolutely could not hold your weight for another 5 weeks. 

You still hadn’t gotten used to them, not that you really had the chance. 

They were a fairly new addition to your wardrobe, made necessary by one bad tackle only 20 minutes into your first game in Canada, effectively ruining your World Cup run (something you were still bummed about despite your team actually winning the World Cup- not that you would call yourself a World Cup Winner). 

You let out another breath, unable to stop the smile on your face as the lights shifted to highlight the woman on stage. 

She was absolutely mesmerizing in her shimmery silver dress, and it was nice to get to watch without the team lingering behind you. It was the only good thing about being injured. 

You didn’t have to go on the stage with them. 

Alas, you were lucky you got to come to the 1989 tour with the team at all. Taylor Swift had only invited the 2015 World Cup winners. 

It was one of the few benefits of being The Alex Morgan’s little sister you supposed. She sent a text and then you had been invited too. 

It strangely made you feel like a 10-year-old chasing after her and her new college friends, going to places where you just didn’t belong. But then again, you felt that way any time you spent more than an hour with your older sister since she left your sobbing form in the driveway as she headed off to Berkley. 

Things hadn’t been the same between you since, and all of her efforts just felt like a weird form of a twisted apology, even now. 

It was like you were her charity case or something, and that didn’t sit right with you. 

Still, you were grateful she had pulled the strings to get you backstage to one of your favorite singer’s shows. God knew you wouldn’t have survived well in the crowd, especially not now that you could barely stand on your own. 

“Pretty spectacular isn’t it?” 

You flinched at the voice, jerking away from the woman standing close enough to your left side to also be able to see the stage, but not too close. Just like she had been all night. 

She reached out a steadying hand as the crutches wobbled dangerously underneath you, an easy smile never leaving her features. 

You swallowed hard, trying to form words to say anything to Taylor’s mom. 

You weren’t big into fandom or social media, but you still knew who she was, and it felt weird meeting her (definitely not because you had a massive crush on her daughter- or the character her daughter pretended to be on stage). 

“She’s amazing,” You finally managed to force the words from your throat, turning back towards the flashing lights on stage and around the stadium.

Andrea hummed. “She is. You’re pretty amazing too,” 

She had heard about your… reputation but all she had seen from you tonight was a shy kid desperately searching for something. Exactly what that something was she couldn’t put her finger, but she suspected it had to do with the way you were watching your older sister interact all night. 

You shrugged, your shoulders collapsing in on you just a bit. “Right now I’m gimpy, and I couldn’t imagine having the control over an audience that she does,” 

Andrea made a low noise, thinking better than to argue with you. She didn’t know you well enough for a debate. 

She didn’t want to interrupt you any more than she had anyway. 

The way you were staring at the stage was a sight to behold, to say the least, your lip trapped between your teeth and your eyes filled with wonder. 

She had seen many fans in her days, but there was just something… different about how you watched the show. The tender adoration in your eyes was beautiful, and it made the mom in her wonder what the future would hold for you and her daughter. 

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding as style came to an end and your sister disappeared below the stage. 

You smiled towards Andrea. “I better go before they think I tried to escape,” 

She raised an eyebrow at you. “Is that something you’ve done before?” 

You shrugged again, your grin turning impish.

 “I don’t kiss and tell,” You winked as you started to maneuver yourself back towards where you knew Alex would be coming out, and Andreas' laugh sounded from behind you. 

That had been the point after all hadn't it? 

Still, you were slightly relieved when your sister stepped through the curtain that separated the stage from the backstage area. 

While Andrea and the stage managers had been as welcoming as they could be, you still hadn’t felt like you belonged. You hadn’t been the one invited after all. It also helped that you would be getting out of the noise until Taylor got off stage and was ready for the mini meet and greet the team planned. 

“How did that crowd feel?” You asked as Alex approached you, and the crowd at the front of the stage cheered again, painting an interested smile across your features. 

It felt electric from the audience, so you could only imagine what it felt like being on stage, 

“Really good,” Alex smiled widely, wiggling the trophy in her arms just a bit. “Like World Cup good,” 

“It’s insane how she can control a room like that,”

Alex’s eyebrows furrowed. You felt her slow down beside you and her eyes searched your face. “Don’t even think about it,” 

“What?” You asked, your tongue poking out of your mouth as you focused on keeping up with the team. 

“I know you and I know that look,” She said seriously.  “She’s my age, and you’re not 18 for another 10 days,” 

You shrugged. “So?” 

You hadn’t been planning on hitting on America's top superstar, but you would never miss an opportunity to mess with your older sister. Plus, you didn’t see the harm in flirting. 

It was a fundamental part of your personality after all. 

“Y/n I’m serious,” 

Your lips pulled into a playful smirk, glancing up at her as she held the door to a small room for you. “And I’m committed to not being serious,” 

It was no secret that your… extracurricular activities had picked up since your injury, and you had done little to mask your enjoyment of the league's hookup culture since you joined in lew of going to college. 

What annoyed Alex more was that no one in North Carolina would step up and help her stop you. 

“Y/n,” Alex let out a suffering sigh, catching the crutch before you could hobble away. 

“Look, she’s out of my league, and it’s criminal to not tell a gorgeous woman how gorgeous she is,” 

“Kid’s got a point,” Kelley said, appearing at your other side and sending you a small wink. “Shooting my shot is how I landed you after all,”

“That’s true baby horse,” Cheney said, grabbing a coke off of the large catering table that dominated the room. “It’s also how Toby got Chris,” 

“How did we get roped into this?” Tobin groaned, her slightly red-rimmed eyes going wide, popping a grape in her mouth. 

Kelley snorted. “You got roped into this because you asked Chris out after you beat her in the college cup, while she was still on the field,” 

“You fucking proposed to Alex after your team beat her in a shootout,” Christen snickered, shaking her head. “You literally have no room to talk,” 

You chucked at Kelley’s blush, barely noticing the new body that had entered the room and was leaning up against the doorframe next to you. 

“Sounds like the field is a very active place for you guys,” The voice said, and you snapped your head to meet the most gorgeous blue eyes you had ever seen in your entire life. “Though your timing seems… questionable,” 

“Tay!” 

“That was an amazing show,”

“Dude, that crowd is nuts. It’s like they’re eating out of the palm of your hand,” 

Taylor smiled widely at the team, her eyes glimmering in the dressing room light. “Well thank you, it was an absolute pleasure to get to share the stage with you all tonight,” 

She pushed off of the wall, and your eyes followed her like she was a magnet. She looked so… graceful even in a pair of sweats.

“The pleasure was all ours,” Cheney grinned back at her. “it was a blast, thank you again for inviting us,”

“Anything to bring more visibility to what you guys do,” Taylor nodded, looking over the catering table and picking sparkling water from the selection. “It’s empowering to young girls everywhere,” 

You were drawn to her hands as they flexed around the bottle. To her lips as she timed her sips so she could continue her conversation with Cheney. She was so elegant. 

Even in your sexcapades, you had never been so… taken with someone. 

“This is my younger sister, Y/n,” You blinked away from Taylor and towards Alex, and back, feeling taken slightly off guard. You hadn’t realized you zoned out. 

The blonde singer nodded towards you, waving the bottle. “Hey. I’m Taylor,” 

“I’m Y/n,” Your lips quirked up, and you stuck your hand out for her to take, bringing it to your lips when she did. “And I’m your wildest dream,” 

“Very smooth,” Taylor chuckled, pulling her hand back, and you could have sworn she had a little bit of pink dusting her cheeks. 

“Smoother than a fresh jar of skippy,” You winked back, earning an ever louder giggle from the singer. 

The room erupted into laughter, and you sent a proud smirk toward your sister. 

She shook her head. “Don’t encourage her. She’s been practicing all week for this,” 

“Well I can’t practice soccer, so what did you expect?” You shrugged as much as you could over the crutches. “I need to use my talents for something,”

“I think it was amazing,” Taylor cut in, grinning. 

“See!” 

Alex rolled her eyes but didn’t argue. She had obviously been outvoted. It would be a fun story to tell your future significant other anyway. 

“It’s very nice to meet you Y/n,” Taylor said, sobering. “I was happy you could make it, even if you weren’t on the squad,” 

“It’s nice to meet you too,” You nodded, your dimples on full display. “Thanks for the invite,” 

“No way I would exclude one of my favorite players,” She hummed. “I was so sad when you got hurt,”

You felt heat in your cheeks, traveling up to your ears. Taylor knew who you were. She liked to watch you play. 

You swallowed hard. “I should be up and playing again within the next couple of months,”

Your PT promised you that as long as you followed the plan, you’d be back and playing by the end of the season. With the way Paul was pushing you, you knew you’d probably be back sooner. 

“Well, if you’re ever in New York let me know,” She said, pulling out her phone and opening the texting app before passing it to you. “I’d love to see a game,” 

You took the offered item, quickly typing in your number. “Yeah, I’m sure I can get you and the squad good seats,” 

She sent you one last smile before she turned back towards the team. “I’ve gotta go, but it was nice to see you all again,” 

You stared at her, as she waved and left, not actually believing what had just happened. 

Your bad pickup line had gotten you The Taylor Swift’s number, and she wanted to see a game. 

*****

September, 2015

We play dumb, but we know exactly what we’re doing

You never expect Taylor to actually text you. Hell, you weren’t convinced that the phone she let you text yourself from wasn’t a business phone. 

But as it turned out, Taylor did text you. 

First, it was a simple text asking about your recovery because a commentator had mentioned it. Then the conversation between the two of you just didn’t stop. 

And you realized very quickly that you never wanted it to stop. 

You found that Taylor was up at all of the weird hours you were and that no matter what she was doing, she was never too busy to say hello. Then texting turned into hanging out when you were in New York, Florida, or California, and before you knew it, it was a regular occurrence. 

“I fucking suck at this,” You groaned, letting go of the guitar strings and flopping onto your back. “And my fingers hurt now. I’m pretty sure they’re bleeding,” 

You held them up in the air pretending to examine them for the little flecks of red you were sure you would find there. 

“No, you just haven’t practiced enough to build calluses,” Taylor said, and you could hear the eye roll in her voice. 

“I got enough of them on my feet thank you,” You muttered, looking up at her through your eyelashes and wiggling your fingers at her.  “I don’t need guitar string scars on my hands too,” 

She caught your hand, smoothing it over her palm. “Don’t be overdramatic,” 

“Me!” You exclaimed indignantly, holding your hand to your chest in mock offense. 

“Yes,”  Taylor smirked. “This isn’t soccer where you can flop about,” 

You frowned. “I don’t flop,” 

She raised an eyebrow at you, and you pouted. “Fine. I don’t flop often, and not unless it’s necessary,” 

“Whatever you say,” She chuckled, shaking her head. “Sit up and I’ll help you,” 

You pouted but did as she asked, pushing yourself back to sit, crossing your legs so you could hold the guitar like she had shown you the first time you did this. 

Her lips ticked up at you, and she scooted so your knees were touching. 

“Alright so g,” She said, positioning her fingers on the string, waiting for you to copy her. 

You tried, moving each finger to the strings. “Like this?”

“Not quite,” She said, leaning forward and moving your pinky. “That one goes on the low e,” 

You nodded, trying not to blush at how close she was to you. So close that you could smell her coconut shampoo. 

“Now, strum slowly,” She said, leaning back and demonstrating. 

You did your best to copy her, slowly drawing the pick across each of the strings, but instead of making the beautiful chord she was, it made an off-key wamp. 

“I’m hopeless,” You said dramatically dropping your pick and flopping back on her fluffy carpet. “Worse than the whole Tom Sermanni debacle,” 

She sighed and took the guitar off, maneuvering so she was sitting next to you. “I didn’t know you were so easily discouraged. I thought with all the sports, you’d have some resiliency,” 

“I’m good at soccer,” You shrugged.  “My fingers aren’t long enough or sting enough for guitar,” 

“Were you good at soccer to begin with?” Taylor asked you softly. 

You scrunched your nose. The truth was that you had been playing soccer too long to remember when you started. It was always a part of your life. 

“No,” You said finally, biting your lip. “Alex absolutely destroyed me any time we practiced. She even stepped on my neck one time with her rain cleats and gave me a scar,” 

You pointed to the small dimple just below your chin. Sure it had been an accident, but it ultimately was the reason you were a midfielder instead of a forward. 

When you were young, Alex had always been better than you. More competitive, more ruthless, and she didn’t go easy on you in practice. It’s what made you such a good player. 

“But you still play?” Taylor pressed, and your eyes were drawn to how her lips formed a thin line. 

“Not as a forward,” You admitted easily.  “Mom got tired of all of the bickering,” 

Once you switched positions, you and Alex could work together instead of going head to head. It made you a lethal pair and let you both show off your talents. 

It also saved your mother’s sanity. 

“That’s not the point,” Taylor chuckled. “If you can change positions, you can play a chord on a guitar. You just need patience,”

“I wasn’t born with that,” You smirked. 

She rolled her eyes. “Try for me?” 

“Fine,” You sighed, pushing yourself to a sitting position yet again. 

It was kinda scary how easily she could bed you to her will. All she had to do was ask. 

“Put your fingers in position,” She said, leaning forward and checking to make sure they were on the right strings. “And then play each one individually,” 

You grabbed the pick from the floor beside you and very slowly brought it across the strings. All of the strings sounded right except for the pinky. 

“Press down a little harder,” She said, her tongue caught between her teeth as she reached over to help you. “And try again,” 

You did as she asked, and this time, the G chord sounded through her apartment. 

“Great job!” She cheered, and you felt heat rushing to your cheeks. 

“Thanks,” You cleared your throat and looked away.  “Couldn't have done it without you, literally, but um… can we be done with me playing? I think my fingers are going to fall off,” 

You turned towards her, not realizing how close you were, and nearly brushed her nose with yours. You pulled back, trying not to look at her lips, or her burning blue eyes, focusing on a very small freckle on her forehead because it felt like the safest option. 

The two of you hated a lingering breath, and the air between you felt electric. You would have sworn that her eyes flickered to your lips, just as her tongue poked out to wet her own. 

But she couldn’t be into you. 

She was America’s favorite pop star, she was a fully-fledged adult while you were still basically a kid, and most importantly, she was straight. 

“Yeah, we can do something else,” She hummed, reaching for the guitar and carefully pulling it over your head. 

“Can you play something for me?” You asked, scooping Meredith up and settling her in your lap when she nudged against your leg. 

For a cat that didn’t like being picked up and cuddled, she was very attached to you, except when you were playing the guitar. 

“Sure,” She nodded, grabbing her guitar and plucking out some chords. “Any requests?” 

You shook your head, smiling down at the cat as she kneaded her feet into your thighs and finally plopped down with a short purr. “Whatever you want,” 

“Now that’s no fun,” Her lips turned up, and her head ticked to the side and she reached over to scratch the cat's head. “Come on, what’s your dream surprise song?”

Your shoulders lifted and fell, and more red bled into your cheeks. “Um… I don’t suppose you have the 10-minute version of All Too Well available?”

She chuckled and shook her head, a playful smile pulling at her lips. “Unfortunately, it was a rant that I don’t currently have memorized,” 

“Hey, you asked for the dream song,” You held your hands up in defense, unable to stop yourself from laughing with her. “I think a lot of fans would agree to have that on their list,” 

She shrugged, half in agreement and half in amusement. “I just think it’s funny that it came from a line I said in an interview almost 4 years ago,” 

“Honestly, I think if a demo version of it did exist, it would have been leaked already. Some of your sleuthy fans are obsessed,” You said, your dimples popping out. “I couldn’t not ask for it,” 

She snorted “Trust me, I know. It was a good shot, and if it did exist, I’d totally play it for you. I trust you not to be secretly recording,” 

You hummed, trying not to think too hard about how she trusted you. How she would have played one of her most secret and tightly kept songs for you “But alas it does not,” 

“No, not in a playable form,” She shook her head, her blue eyes shining. “Pick a new one,”

You bit your lip, rolling through the list of songs in your head. “What about State of Grace,”

The piano version had always been one of your favorites, and you so often got the intro stuck in your head. 

“We can do that,” She smiled widely at you and began picking out the chords. “Only if you promise to sing along?”

Your nose scrunched. “You don’t want me to sing, I sound like a dying walrus, just ask Alex,” 

You knew Alex would agree, even if it wasn’t entirely true. You didn’t do music anymore. 

“Hum then,” She conceded, and you nodded. 

You could hum- just not in tune, but you didn’t have to be in tune with Taylor. 

You just had to be yourself, and you had never experienced that with anyone else. 

******

December 2015

Barefoot in the kitchen

Sacred new beginnings 

That became my religion, listen

You eyed the oven warily from across the island, leaning into the cool stone countertop as Taylor flitted around you, pulling out various ingredients. 

It wasn’t that you were afraid of the oven, it was just that you were not known for being a good cook. Actually, you were known for being a very not good cook. 

You were banned from making anything in any of your sister's kitchens, and you rarely ventured to make more than Dino nuggets (which you still burned) on your own. 

As long as you didn’t touch the controls, everything should be fine. 

“You alright?” Taylor asked, setting a stick of butter on the counter next to you, her hand landing gently on your forearm. “You’re staring at the stove,” 

“Yeah,” You blinked away from the copper appliance and towards Taylor, painting an easy smile across your lips. “I’ve just never made cookies before,”

She frowned. “Never ever?” 

You shook your head, biting your lip. You didn’t want to tell her that any time your sisters had tried, it ended in charcoal (and an oven fire… twice) instead of ooey, gooey deliciousness.

“We were more of sports people than baking people,” You explained with an easy shrug. “Plus after a hard game, the precut square ones always do the trick,” 

Her nose scrunched adorably. “But they don’t sell peanut butter chocolate chip cookies in the little squares,” 

“Kelley likes to bake. Jerry too. I’m not usually involved,” You answered with ease, taking the wooden spoon she passed you. “When Alex and I get together we usually get distracted trying new tactics and tricks,” 

You didn’t want to say that you were always banished from the kitchen, at least until the oven was off. 

A thoughtful look crossed her face.

This was the first time you had mentioned Alex by name and not followed it with a remark about something terrible she had done. The first time you hadn’t breezed by her existence in the greater context of the team. 

She wanted to pry, to ask why there was a strange tension between you and your older sister, but she wasn’t sure you would give her a straight answer. 

You were a master at spinning questions around (and running interviewers around in circles) when you wanted to, so the only way she would get the story was if you wanted to tell her. 

And she so desperately wanted you to want to let her into your personal life. 

 “Austin doesn’t like to cook either, but we usually chat while I get everything ready,” She said. 

“Alex and I talk better on the field,” Your head bobbed gently as you began to stir the ingredients in the bowl. “Soccer is our best communication method, and Kelley likes to feed us when we’re done,” 

She opened her mouth to ask more, to try and understand why the only place you really opened up was the field, but your phone buzzed obnoxiously on the counter. 

Your eyebrows furrowed as Emily’s contact photo popped up on your screen. 

“You can answer it,” Taylor hummed, grabbing the spoon and bowl from you and carefully measuring in more ingredients. 

You sighed. “It’s probably not important,” 

“But what if it is?” Taylor shrugged. She didn’t want you ignoring your other friends to hang out with her, even if she was slightly flattered that you always gave her your undivided attention (except when you watched movies). “Answer it,” 

“Sup loser,” Emily’s voice filled Taylor’s kitchen as your best friend’s face filled the screen, a wide smile showing off her dimples. 

You rolled your eyes. She would never let you live down how the thorns had beaten the red stars. Badly. Even if you had gotten a banger of a goal on her yourself. 

“Don’t rub it in,” You muttered, balancing the phone against a vase so you could keep stirring the batter, careful that you were the only person in the shot. “What do you want?” 

“Just figured I’d see if you’d seen the roster for January camp yet,” She hummed, shifting forward as if she was trying to see what you were doing, just as Taylor’s hands plopped a stick of butter into the bowl.  “Are you baking? Should I call the fire department?” 

You glowered at her, beginning to mix the thick batter, your tongue poking out the side of your cheek in concentration. 

You hadn’t had time to read your emails yet, not that you were worried. You just got so… distracted with Taylor. You wanted to be in the moment. You wanted to savor every second you got with the person slowly becoming your best friend. 

“No, yes, no,”  You said, eyes flickering towards Taylor and then back to the phone.“I’m supervised,” 

She raised an eyebrow at you. “You’re supervised? Are you clothed?” 

Red filled your cheeks at the implication, and you did your best to ignore Taylor’s raised eyebrow. 

She had heard about your reputation, but having one of your friends bring it up right in front of her still made you blush. You didn’t want her to think that you had some endgame. That you were playing her. 

You weren’t (even if the fluttering in your chest when you were with her made you want something… more). 

You cleared your throat. “I’m with a friend Sonnett,” 

It came out more biting than you meant for it to. More defensive. 

She rolled her eyes, holding her hands up in surrender. “Whatever you say, just be safe,” 

“Fuck off,” You bit back, your teeth clacking, even as Taylor dumped the chocolate chips into the bowl. 

“I love you too Y/n,” She cackled back, unphased by your sudden moodiness. She had seen it hundreds of times before when things in the pitch didn’t go your way. “See you in a few weeks,” 

“Bye loser,” You muttered, unable to resist returning her jab. 

A devilish smirk broke across her face, and you knew you would regret trying to tease her. “Bye y/n and y/n’s friend,” 

“Bye Sonnett,” Taylor added, as you clicked the end call button, and from Emily’s furrowed eyebrows just before the screen ended, you knew she didn’t know who had said goodbye to her. 

You anxiously rubbed the back of your neck, avoiding running your hand through your hair so you didn’t have to wash them… again. “Sorry about her,” 

“She’s charming,” Taylor hummed, taking the bowl of cookie dough from in front of you. “Is she always like that?” 

“No,”  You muttered, as she carefully scooped out a bit of dough with a spoon and transferred it to a baking sheet. “She can actually be pretty sweet when she wants to be. It’s why Rosie loves her so much,” 

Taylor’s head tilted to the side as she tried to follow your train of thought. Despite how much you talked about the team, you rarely ever mentioned the relationships within it. The team was intensely private in that way, and she respected that. Still, it didn’t mean she wasn’t curious… and you had technically mentioned it first. 

“Are they dating?” 

“No,” You snorted, shaking your head. They were two blind idiots in love, terrified of messing up a friendship. “They mostly just make moon eyes at each other right now. But hopefully winning a gold will give one of them the balls to finally make a move,” 

“Like she thought you had the balls to bake naked,”

She knew there had to be a story there, but getting you to actually tell her would be a bigger challenge. 

More red colored your cheeks, traveling up to your ears.

“It would be more likely for me to be naked, than for me to be baking,” you murmured, rubbing harder at the back of your neck. “That comment was probably more about the supervision. The last time she called I was sneaking out of a girl's apartment,”

Her eyebrow raised nearly to her hairline. “And you answered?” 

It was hard to wrap her head around how commonplace your hookups were. She didn’t like how casual you and everyone around you were about them, especially since you were so young.

“She wanted to check in,” You waved a hand dismissively. “We lost pretty badly,”

She didn’t quite know how those two pieces fit together. “But she asked if you needed the fire department,” 

You cleared your throat and looked away. “I… distracted a girl one time while she was cooking,” 

Taylor swallowed her grimace. She wasn’t allowed to be jealous. Not yet anyway. 

She was your friend. 

She scooped a small bit of batter with her finger and reached out to smear it on the very tip of your nose. “Sounds pretty dangerous,” 

Your eyes crossed as you tried to see the little blob, and Taylor laughed loudly at the expression. 

“You didn’t just do that,” 

Taylor sat back, smirking at you widely. “Oh, but I did. What are you going to do about it?”

You reached across the island, grabbing a small scoop of flour. 

“This,” You said, rubbing the flour into her cheek with a grin. “It’s a little lighter than your normal highlight, but it suits you,” 

She paused for a second before reaching for the flour container, dipping her hand inside. “Oh, it’s on now,” 

She didn’t give you time to duck as she tossed a handful of flour towards you, and you caught a stick of butter still out on the counter as you dove for cover. 

More flour powdered around you in a cloud as you peeked up from your hiding space, throwing a bit of soft butter towards her. It skidded across the counter, mixing with the sugar and flour smeared across the surface. 

It almost made you feel bad, but you would help her clean it up. 

“Missed me, loser,” 

Your nose scrunched at the name, and your eyebrows furrowed. 

You would not be a loser. 

You crawled towards your left, sneaking around the island until you saw her right foot, and a smile broke across your face. 

You dove for her, catching her around the waist, sending the bag of flour flying around you as you both fell, her peels of laughter echoing across the kitchen. 

“I don’t lose,” You chuckled into her neck as flour fell around you like snow. “Flour fights and otherwise,” 

Taylor rolled off of you, propping herself up on her elbow so she could look at you. “You’ve got a little bit of flour there,” 

She gestured towards your nose, and you lifted your shirt to wipe the area she indicated. You felt the way her eyes were immediately glued to your exposed abs, and you took an extra second to wipe your face so she could look. 

Her face was red when you dropped your shirt. 

“Thanks,” You winked, and the red bled from her cheeks down her neck. 

She snorted and shook her head. “That just made it worse,” 

You wiggled your eyebrows and licked your lips for good measure. “That’s ok, I’ve gotten way dirtier anyway,” 

“You’re too much,” She said, still giggling, watching your shoulder as she sat up. “Let’s get the cookies in the oven and we can clean up while they bake,”

You pouted dramatically. “What if I want to stay dirty?” 

She rolled her eyes, already pushing herself to her feet. “You don’t get cookies,” 

You wrinkled your nose. “Bummer,”

“Come on,” She held her hand out to you, and you took it, letting her pull you up. 

She stole a hug before she let you go, directing you towards where the broom was. 

And you couldn’t help the small smile pulled across your features, both at Taylor and the sight of the cats staring safely at you from the kitchen archway.

You would tolerate baking if it was with Taylor. 

*****

March, 2016

If you’ve got a girlfriend, I’m jealous of her. But if you’re single it’s honestly worse.

You were never good at sneaking. You hadn’t even tried in high school because you knew you would be caught, and after you moved out, there was no one to sneak from. 

Your North Carolina roommate didn’t care how late you were out. She barely even spoke to you at all. 

You were pretty sure she hated you, but which of your Courage teammates didn’t? 

Maybe the newfound freedom made you wreckless, or maybe you just didn’t care about changing your behavior when you were visiting your sister in Florida. 

But whatever the case, Alex was waiting for you when you stepped back into her house, her arms crossed and an annoyed look on her face. 

Part of you wondered if she had been standing there all night, or if she heard the door of your UBER shut and came down to greet you. You wondered if they turned the porch light on as soon as they got home, or if you just hadn’t noticed it when the car pulled up. 

“Where the fuck have you been?” 

You slowly turned towards her, kicking off your shoes, neatly placing them in the rack by the door, and pulling your sweatshirt over your head. “Out? Why?”

“It’s almost 2 am,” She grit out, her eyes flashing dangerously, but it did nothing to dissuade you. 

You shrugged, hanging your sweatshirt on the hook right next to her. “I got distracted” 

She scoffed, following you as you tried to brush past her. “You didn’t call or text, I was worried sick about you,”

You rolled your eyes. 

It wasn’t like you texted her often anyway. The two of you barely spoke as it was, nothing besides Hey how was your day messages and one-word responses on your end. 

It was weird to you that she was still trying to look after you. That she was still trying to be the protective older sister, when clearly your relationship had evolved. 

You weren’t the toddler crawling after her wherever she went, or the 4-year-old tripping over every soccer ball she passed you. 

You were a just barely adult trapped in the shadows of everyone’s expectation of you. 

“OK mom, chill out. I was just… busy,” You snarked, wiggling your fingers at her as you headed towards the kitchen. “I had my hands full,” 

She made a face at you. 

There had been a time when she was more like your mom than your mom was. A time when you were closer to her than anyone else. 

Now it felt like she barely knew you. 

“Just your hands? I thought you had more game than that,” Kelley said from the couch. 

“Trust me, I do,” You cackled, fist-bumping Kelley as you passed her, headed for the kitchen. 

“Don’t encourage her,” Alex grumbled, nudging her as they both followed after you. 

You again rolled your eyes, pulling out one of the stools at the island, settling into it, and running your hand through your wild curls. “Chill out Al, I made it here, ok?”

You didn’t like it when your hookups messed with your hair, but it seemed everyone was obsessed with it. 

“Good argument kid,” Kelley chortled, grabbing a plate of rock shaped objects from next to the stove and holding them out to you. “Cookie?” 

Your nose scrunched at the offered items, but you took one anyway, letting your shoulders relax as the tension between you and Alex mellowed. 

She had been acting as referee for the two of you for a very long time, almost as long as they had been dating, and she was an expert at this point. It helped that you would open up to her more than you ever would to Alex. 

You knew your sister and her girlfriend didn’t like your… relaxation method, but as long as your partner was into it and you were into it, you didn’t see a problem. It was better than some of the things you could be doing. 

“You know, eventually you’re going to have to stop this,” Alex muttered, sitting down at the counter beside you.

“Why?” You asked, examining the cookie. 

She laid her phone on the counter and slid it towards you, “Because the team aren’t the only people who have picked up on it now,”

You glanced down at the device. 

It was a Twitter feed of pictures of you and the girl you had just left. You reached out and scrolled, frowning when you saw all of the text tweets below it. 

@randomy/nfan: it’s unfair how ridiculously hot she is. 

@randomy/nfan2: no one needs to wipe their face that many times during a game

@randomy/nfan: Did you see how she stuck her tongue out each time she ran her hand through her hair? It should be criminal. 

@randomy/nfan3: she totally winked at me after she gave me her jersey. Too bad I wasn’t the one she took home after. 

@randomy/nfan5: can confirm she winked after she took her jersey off. She even flexed for the photo. 

@SoccerUpdates: Y/n Morgan spotted with Orlando rookie Sam Witterman after the game. 

“The fans need to mind their own fucking business,” You grumbled, sliding her phone back. “I didn’t flex for her either,”

Alex raised an eyebrow at you. “If it wasn’t for her, who was it for? Because Sam wasn’t even paying attention,”

You looked back at the cookie, using it to hide the sudden heat in your cheeks. “I’m an adult and I can do whoever or whatever I want,” 

You hadn’t been flexing for the fan. You had been flexing in case your favorite singer was watching the game like she said she would be. 

It was frustrating how obsessed the media was with you sometimes. The fans didn’t know the line between who you were on the field and in interviews and who you were off the field. They didn’t understand the concept of privacy.

“You can,” Kelley agreed, ignoring the glare Alex sent her way. “But aren’t you concerned that you give a part of yourself away each time you sleep with someone?” 

Your shoulders lifted and then fell. “It’s not like I receive,” 

“What?” Kelley frowned. 

“Half the time, I don’t even take my pants off. It’s not like they notice,” You mumbled, taking a bite of the cookie and wrinkling your nose at the crumbly texture of oats and coconut. “Why is everything in your house vegan?” 

“I never pegged you as a stone top,” Kelley breathed out, shaking her head. “And my cookies are vegan because your sister is vegan and enjoys being able to eat the things I make,” 

“You just don’t like that she won’t let you kiss her when you’ve had anything that actually tastes good,” You hummed, taking another bite of the too-dry cookie. “It’s just easier,” 

Alex’s eyebrows furrowed, a warning bell sounding in the back of her mind. “Easier?”

You nodded, swallowing the sand-like texture in your mouth. “It’s hard to find clothes in the dark without waking anyone up, and that makes sneaking out more difficult,”

“You don’t even stay long enough to say goodbye?” Alex grimaced. 

“No,” You said dismissively, reaching for another cookie and taking a bite. “Then they’d have a chance to try and get me to stay,”

Alex could only stare at you, wondering where the shy kid who had been terrified to ask your high school crush out went. When had you gone from sweet and reserved to a Fuck boy who didn’t even tell the person they were sleeping with goodbye?

 “Jesus,” She scoffed, running a palm across her face. “You’re only 18, you shouldn’t be participating in hookup culture,”

“Like you weren’t when you were at Berkeley,” Kelley chuckled. “Y/n is just having her frat boy era without a frat. Let the kid live,” 

“Yeah Alex, let me live,” You intoned, copying Kelley. 

Alex glared at the side of your head, much like she did when you were young and being a brat. “Fine then. Was she good?”

You tilted your chin toward her incredulously. “You really want to hear about my hookup?”

“Well you wanted me to let you live,” She sat back in her chair, crossing her arms. The stance that always made younger you cower. “So tell me, was she good? Did you enjoy yourself?”

You raised an eyebrow at her, staring for a long second before shrugging and taking another bite of your cookie. “She was fine, like the others,”

“Just fine?”

“Her nails were really long, so she gorged my back,” You said, turning and pulling the collar of your shirt down so she could see the angry red marks at the top of your back. “I was worried I was going to bleed all over my shirt,”

Alex’s eyebrows furrowed. You had to be the good one to get marks like that, and the idea that you were… talented in that area almost made her want to vomit. As did the notion that your… skills probably came from… practice. 

Lots of practice.

“So you ditched us for a just fine hookup?” Kelley asked, and it made the guilt bubble in your stomach. 

That was the only good part about playing Orlando… that you got to spend time with your sister (something that was rare after she left you for Berkeley).

It was the only real hope you saw at mending the bridge that covered the crater that her departure left in your relationship. 

And you sighed, sinking on the stool, your shoulders hunching. “I didn’t think I was going to be out as late as I was. I’m sorry,”

“Ok, but why go for a hookup anyway?” Alex asked, her hand finding your back and rubbing circles. 

You took another bite of your cookie, chewing it slowly and swallowing hard. 

You weren’t sure you wanted to open up. That you wanted to accept her comfort or her touch, but pushing her away felt… cruel. 

“Paul is trading me to Chicago. He said I’m not progressing, and I don’t fit his scheme. I went out because I needed to blow off some steam. I found out right before the game,”

The words felt like lead in your mouth. He hadn’t even had the guts to tell you himself. Instead, you found out from your manager, with his comments on your performance. 

“That sucks,” Kelley reached across the island to take your hand. 

“Paul is a fucking asshole,” Alex grit out, her hand falling from your back. “You’re better off honestly,” 

There was something else in her voice that you couldn’t quite place. 

“Chicago is going to be lethal with you and Chris,” Kelley hummed, squeezing you three times, before turning towards the cabinets and pulling out a plastic bag. “These have eggs and milk. I made them for you. You deserve it.” 

You instantly dropped the cookie in your hand and reached for the bag of peanut butter chocolate chip goodness. “Why didn’t you pull these out sooner?” 

“Because you snuck into our house at 1:30 am,” Kelley shrugged, leaning on the counter. “After ditching us,” 

“I wasn’t trying to ditch you,” You mumbled, pulling a cookie out of the bag and biting into it. Your eyes slid closed as the chocolaty peanut butter played across your tongue. 

They were nearly as good as the ones Taylor had made you the last time you saw her. 

“You were just trying to get laid so you could forget your problems,” Alex finished for you, frowning. You rolled your eyes, grabbing your phone out from your back pocket and snapping a picture of the cookies. 

Alex sighed heavily, reaching over and brushing a curl from in front of your eyes. “I just worry about you,” 

She promised your parents and older sisters she would look after you when you decided to forgo college and join the league(even if the 2 of you weren’t as close as you once were). She didn’t think letting you sleep your way through the teams was healthy, and she couldn’t help but wonder if it was a sign of something deeper going on with you. 

You were always so shy growing up. Even after you told them that you were into women, you had never been so… overt with your interactions. You were so sweet with the girl you took to your senior prom, so nervous around any girl you really liked. 

She wasn’t sure when that changed. 

“I’m doing fine,” You said, taking another bite of the cookie. “You’d be the first to know if I wasn’t,” 

“Promise?” She asked you, more softly. 

Every time she looked at you, she would see the tiny 4-year-old running after her, telling her you were fine after you skinned your knee or elbow. Or 7-year-old you swearing you were good to go after you broke your arm surfing a too-big wave. 

“With my pinky,” 

You held your finger up for good effect, and she linked hers with yours. 

“You guys are disgustingly adorable,” Kelley hummed, sliding you a glass of milk. “Now eat up, I want to actually sleep tonight,” 

OoOoOoO

Twitter wasn’t one of Taylor’s favorite social media apps. It was a pit of anxiety-inducing posts and hateful opinions, and she genuinely made an effort to stay away. 

But after watching your soccer game, she couldn’t help herself. 

It had been a humid night in Florida (according to the commentary team). You kept lifting your shirt to wipe the sweat out of your eyes, and your curls had been wild by the end of the second half. 

The grainy stream hadn’t been clear enough for her. It hadn’t done your abs justice so Taylor had relented to the bird app. To pictures taken by people who were actually at the stadium, and things spiraled from there. 

It should have made her feel… shameful that she was scrolling through photos of you, looking for one that showed the moment you lifted your shirt and maybe when you gave your jersey away. She should feel bad that she was looking for the moment you put your abs on full display. 

But she didn't. 

She had been slightly obsessed since you sent her a bathroom mirror picture after the game the US had played against Canada, your shirt pulled up to your chin to show off the perfect impression of a cleat on your skin. And getting to see them in person in her kitchen had only made things worse.

Maybe it was slightly more than slightly…

If you didn’t want her to look, you certainly wouldn’t have sent her the picture, but still. With the parade of women that always seemed to be surrounding you, she wasn’t sure that you had really given it that much thought. 

She sighed, scrolling through the feed, pausing on a picture that had been taken of you after the game. 

She really shouldn’t be this invested in you, not when your reputation was that of a player. 

She didn’t want to be played. Not again. 

But you were different with her. You weren’t the arrogant soccer player posing for photos, or winking at fans. You were sweet and charming and it took almost no effort to make you blush. 

And… she groaned, swiping to the next picture. 

Your arm was slung low across a girl's back as you guided her into a car, a wide smirk pulling at your lips. It left nothing of your plans to the imagination, but maybe that’s why you had done it. 

You wanted to world to think you were a fuck boy. You wanted them to believe that you had an impenetrable shell. 

She rolled her eyes. 

She knew differently. 

That didn’t mean that it didn’t send jealousy through her veins when she saw the pictures, even if she didn’t really have the right to be jealous. 

She sighed again, scrolling past the pictures. 

At least she knew that you were still technically single (though that might have actually been worse). 

Her phone buzzed in her hand, and she grabbed the message from the top of the screen. 

It was a picture of a bag of cookies.

Soccer Hottie: Kelley made me cookies. They weren’t as good as yours

She smiled at the screen, her jealousy melting. Though she was slightly disappointed a picture of your face hadn’t been included. 

I can make you more when you visit me

Soccer Hottie: I’d like that 😘. I’ll have to check my schedule. 

At least she got a part of you that none of your hookups did. She got to see the things you cared about. She got to see your likes and dislikes. 

That was more than any of your hookups would ever get, and that made it easier to be your friend. 

*****

June 2016

I watched from a distance as you Made life your own

“You know I hate this game,” You sighed, resting your chin on your hand and staring at the Scrabble board. 

It was the same expression you made when you stared at the stupid app Taylor made you download so you could play her, except no one was ever there to heckle you while you tried to figure out what your next move should be. 

She also didn’t rush you or set a timer so you couldn’t take all day. 

“It’s better than Monopoly,” Emily shrugged, extending her legs so her feet were resting in Rose’s lap. “Last time we played there was a fistfight,” 

Rose hummed, squeezing Emily’s foot and shifting the tiles on her little ledge. “That’s why we switched to monopoly deal,” 

Board games were a staple during the downtime at camp, and this one was no different. With Rose (and Emily by default since they started dating) as your roommate(s), you had been roped into a quick Scrabble game while you all waited for team bonding. 

She reached out and placed 4 of her pieces, forming the word Focus around your word Cracker.

You frowned. You had been planning to make the word cutter, but now your c was gone and there was no way for you to connect to Emily’s R on the other side (though you weren’t sure exactly what word she had created considering the two center letters kept flipping in your head). 

You liked Monopoly better. It didn’t make your head hurt so much. 

Plus it was one of the few games where you always kicked Alex’s ass. 

“I still think you two have an unfair advantage over me,” you muttered, puffing out your cheek and pulling out your phone. You smiled as you scrolled to a very familiar contact. 

Emily’s eyebrows furrowed. “What are you doing?” 

“Leveling the playing field,” You shot her a wide smirk, as the ringing of the FaceTime app stopped and the little boop that meant your favorite person had answered sounded through the room. “Hey Scrabble queen,”

“Hey, what’s up?” Her lips ticked up in a smile that she only used when she was with you, and you saw an unfamiliar painting and a microphone behind her.

She must be at the studio. 

You knew she was working on an album, though you’d been reluctant to hear any spoilers. You didn’t want to hear about a new… love interest. You didn’t think you could take it, and you needed to focus if the team was going to do well at the Olympics. 

“I need your help,” You pouted at the phone, making your eyes as big and innocent as you could. “Im shitty at scrabble and I don’t want to lose to Rosie and Emily,”

Taylor rolled her eyes at you. 

“Hey! Why do you get to phone a friend!?” Emily exclaimed, reaching for the phone, and the semi-familiar voice on the other end. “Is it the person who was with you last time I called?” 

You shrugged nonchalantly, shifting so she couldn’t steal your phone without looking at your tiles (thereby disqualifying her). “Because I’m dyslexic,” 

“You’re getting better actually. You got a triple word last week,” Taylor said, and your eyes darted back toward her. You hadn’t told her it was really Kelley who saw the triple word yet. “Can you show me the board and your letters please?” 

“You didn’t answer my question, is this mystery girl?” Emily cut back in, even as Rose held her foot so she didn’t try to tackle you to see who you had called. 

“She’s not a mystery,” You scrunched your nose and flipped the camera, giving Taylor a good view of the board. “She’s my friend,” 

Rose raised her eyebrow at you. “Then what’s her name, you know so we can call her something else?” 

“Taylor,” You answered with an easy shrug, not really thinking about it. 

You doubted they’d make the connection anyway. 

Not unless Taylor said something incriminating, and you doubted she would considering how careful she was. 

“Ok, I think I’ve got it. I’ll text you the next couple of moves,” Taylor said, looking sideways over the phone and nodding. “I’ll talk to you later, I’ve gotta go,” 

“Thank you!” You flipped the camera around and sent her a goofy smile.

“Anytime,” She mirrored your smile and blew you a little kiss. “Talk to you later babe,” 

You caught the kiss and waved, staring at the phone for a very long second even after it had gone back to your Lock Screen. 

It made your chest feel warm that even when she was busy, she answered your calls. That she always made time for you. 

“If she’s your friend, then you have one hell of a crush,” Emily said, drawing you back to the moment. 

You blinked back up at the pair, the warm feeling in your chest replaced with sudden anxiety. “What?” 

“She called you babe,” Rose supplied, her voice very soft like she was afraid to startle you. 

They all knew of your… reluctance to settle down, and she couldn’t help but feel like there was a deeper reason behind it that they were all overlooking. 

Emily snorted, not catching the hesitance in Rose's voice. “And you stared at the phone after you hung up for a solid 30 seconds,” 

Red immediately flooded your cheeks, and your hand clenched at your side. “We’re just friends,” 

Even if you enjoyed the flirting and your feelings were slowly surpassing the boundaries of friendship. She would never want someone like you. 

You were just a kid compared to her, bumbling your way through your career and fucking it up at every turn. 

Plus she was straight. 

It was too cliche for you to handle. 

“Ok,” Rose conceded, shooting Emily a very serious look to not push you more. 

It never turned out well when they pushed. 

“It’s still your turn,” Emily said, her voice also going soft, gesturing towards the scrabble board. “Let’s see how good the mystery Taylor really is,”

You hummed, pulling up the text, and ignoring the little Good luck 😜 that accompanied her instructions. 

Your tongue made its way between your teeth as you read the step-by-step text, each letter separated by a double space, and you slowly reached for the letter tiles and slid them into place, forming the word Resonate with the help of two of Emily’s words and one of Roses. 

“Ha, a quadrupole word,” You cheered, typing out a thank you text to Taylor as Emily groaned. 

Rose rolled her eyes, still smiling softly at you.“And let me guess, it’s the easiest one she sent you?” 

She hadn’t seen you this… engaged in a long time. She hadn’t seen you so… happy, not since you started playing at North Carolina, and she hadn’t seen you show more interest than a quick one-night stand. 

“Yep,” You popped the p and smiled wickedly at them. “read it and weep losers,”

“You’re only winning because of the mystery scrabble queen,” Emily pouted. “What, does she have an entire empire made of word blocks too?”

“She’s not a fucking mob boss. She’s just a friend, and I told you, it’s fair because it levels the playing field,” You shrugged, failing to mention that the butterflies Taylor sent swirling in your chest were much more than friendly. 

It wasn’t like they hadn’t beaten you each time you played this game before. “Now make your move before I sic the time turtle on you and you have to draw a wicked wango card,” 

Rose raised her eyebrow at you. “Since when did you watch Friends? 

“Yeah! I thought you hated anything remotely scripted besides superhero movies and Indiana Jones?” Emily added, crossing her arms indignantly. “It’s how you get out of literally every movie bonding night,” 

Your shoulders lifted and fell, and red bled into your cheeks. 

You hadn’t really minded the comedy eating kettle corn with Taylor in a massive pillow fort, though Meredith and Olivia pawing at your bowl while Taylor pouted at their adamant ignoral of her had made it all worth it (they had been very unhappy about the quick baths she made them take because they were covered in flour from your little food fight). 

Plus you thought that Bamboozled was probably the only game show that wouldn’t put you to sleep (you agreed with Joey that it wasn’t that complicated). 

“Friends doesn’t really have a plot,” You muttered, looking down at your phone and moving your tiles around so you didn’t have to think about your next move. “And it’s funny so it’s not so bad,” 

Rose made a low noise, poking Emily with her toes, telling her not to push.

She had a feeling that your sudden interest in the show had more to do with who you were watching it with than the comedy. And she wouldn’t be the one to meddle in what was your first real relationship. 

She wouldn’t let Emily either. 

The wrath that would meet them from all the vets and your older sister was not something she wanted to deal with. 

“Come on Sonny, make your move,”

******

July 2016

But I stay when you're lost, and I'm scared, and you're turning away

2016 was the summer of the apocalypse. 

There was no other way to put it. 

You never thought a singular PK could turn your team and the rest of the world against you. But it did. 

You only got to play the last 10 minutes of the game, and your only job was to make the penalty. 

But you missed it. Badly. 

Jill made it clear before you were even back in the locker room that you would need to earn your way back. Roary had benched you as soon as you returned to Chicago. But the worst was the media, and the slew of hate that had been unleashed on you the second your foot left the ball. 

It rivaled the hate Hope was getting, and that was saying something. 

You blew out a long breath, took another swig of your lukewarm beer and slowly kicked the ball back toward the PK spot. 

One of the few benefits to Chicago was that the high school soccer field was within walking distance from your shitty apartment. The other was that the high school soccer field stayed open all night and had good lighting. 

You took another swig before gently setting the bottle next to four of its already empty friends, and setting up for the kick. It should have concerned you that the ball was slightly blurry, or that you were a bit wobbly on your feet, but it didn’t.  

Not when you so clearly saw your path to regaining your future. 

You rolled your neck, squaring your shoulders and looking from the ball to the net. You could imagine the thousands of people screaming, and the keeper jockeying in her line, waiting for you. 

You took another breath, leaning forward. You shuffled your feet, starting the countdown in your head. 

5

4

3

2

But just before you got to 1, your phone buzzed in your pocket, pulling your focus from the upper right corner of the net just as you fell into step for the pk. The ball connected with your foot at the wrong angle, and was sent flying into the stands instead of towards goal. 

“Fuck,” You muttered, running a hand through your hair and pulling the offending device from your back pocket. 

Blondie👱🏻‍♀️🎤: Hey, you ok? They said you weren’t on the bench, but didn’t give a reason.

You couldn’t help the small smile that pulled at your lips when you saw Taylor’s contact on your Home Screen, even if you had to squint to make out her message. 

She was one of the only people who was still talking to you after the Olympics. One of your only friends who hadn’t ditched you. 

She liked you for you, and what you did on the pitch didn’t change that. Maybe that was why you were so drawn to her. Why the hangouts had gotten more frequent? 

Maybe you just liked hanging out with her.

You took three steps back towards your drinks, plopping down and grabbing your beer. 

I’m good. Cosch bwndnwd me bdcajwe hd thihls I zuck.

You swallowed the last of the sudsy liquid as you hit send, lining it up with the others and reaching for a new one as 3 little dots appeared. 

Blondie 👱🏻‍♀️🎤: ???

You sighed, cracking the bottle open with your cleat and typing out your response. Your fingers slipped across the screen, and it took you a second to find the send button. 

Hd said I’k not aolowed badk pn the vrncn until I deserve to bd a profrsakonal spcver player abIN/

The message instantly went to read, but the three little dots didn’t appear again. 

You shrugged, taking a long sip of your beer (nearly downing the entire thing) before you placed the bottle next to its partners and began to kick a new ball toward the penalty spot, your phone dangling dangerously between your fingers. 

You let out a long breath, lining up for the shot, your eyes lifting from the fuzzy ball to the equally fuzzy net. 

But your phone buzzed in your hand before you could step into the kick. You lazily held it up to your face, clicking the accept button when you saw the FaceTime logo. 

“Whad upp T-Swizzle,” You smiled dopily at Taylor’s face as she appeared on the screen, the stadium lights glinting off of your glassy eyes. 

“Hey, are you ok? Your texts were kinda crazy,” She asked, her eyebrows furrowing with worry at your slurred speech. 

“‘M great!” You cheered, spinning in place as if to show how great you were. 

Her frown deepened. “You sound drunk?”

You rapidly shook your head. “‘M nottt,” Your voice caught on the last t, and you quietly stared at her for a long second before your dopey smile was back.  “‘M practicin’ PKs. Wanna see?” 

“No, Y/n,” She said, trying to sound stern. But it was too late, you had already flipped the camera around to face the goal. 

“Those arrr the ones I made,” You slurred, the camera shaking violently as you tried to focus on each of the balls that had made it to the back of the net. 

The camera then suddenly jerked, panning towards the bleachers. “And those arr the ones I missed. I missed a lot. I suckkkk,” 

Several balls were haphazardly strewn across a set of rusting bleachers and lying by a dilapidated fence. But what really caught Taylor’s attention was a silver and gold cardboard box and a pile of empty bottles sitting at the gate.

She sighed, pinching the bridge of her nose. She knew that things had been difficult for you, but she never expected you to get drunk and go to a random field at night. Or to make your way through a case of beer like she was sure you had. “Y/n turn the camera around,”

It took you a second to flip the camera back around, but your now somber face met her when you finally got it. 

She tried not to think about how adorable your pout was (an expression you rarely ever used when you were sober). 

“How many beers have you had?” She asked you seriously. 

“Few?” you shrugged, squinting towards where the box was and biting your lip. “Almost gone,”

“I can see that,” She breathed out, trying to stay calm. “How big of a pack did you buy?” 

Your grin returned, and you threw your arms out wide, spinning in a circle. “The biggggest,”

“Y/n,” Taylor sighed again, waiting for you to get back in frame. “Where are you? I’m gonna send a car to pick you up,”

“No. I gotta clean up annd practice so I can play,” You said, looking away from the camera, biting your lip. “I gotta nooot suckkk,” 

“You don’t suck,” Taylor said, already pulling up her contacts. “Tell me where you are, and I will help you clean up before the car arrives,” 

The line went quiet for a long second, and she looked up to see your eyebrows furrowed. She wasn’t sure if you were just trying to think, or if you were trying not to cry (it was hard to tell with how red and glassy your eyes were). 

“Y/n?”

“I don’ suck?” Your bottom lip wobbled. 

She shook her head. 

“No. You missed a shot. It happens to everyone,” She repeated your own words back to you, ones she had heard you speak hundreds of times. Ones she meant with all of her heart. “Now tell me where you are. I’m worried about you,” 

You buzzed your lips. “The high school field by my apartment,” 

“Ok,” She said, feeling the knot in her chest loosen as she scrolled through her contacts and sent a frantic text to her security. Jason would send someone to get you. Someone who would keep you safe. “I have someone coming to get you,” 

“I gotta clean up,” You poked your bottom lip out, stumbling over to the ball bag and struggling to get it open one-handed. 

“I’ll stay on the line with you while you do,” Taylor said, keeping her voice soothing, and calm, even as she sent more frantic texts to her security and assistant moving her schedule around for the next few days. “And Tony will help once he gets there,” 

You paused, from where you were sloppily gathering up balls and looked at the camera with wide eyes. “Iron man?” 

Taylor resisted the urge to roll her eyes or coo at the adorable expression (though she did store it away in her memory bank for later recollection). “No, not the same Tony,” 

You frowned, stumbling towards the stands and using a foot using push the balls to the bottom so you could gather them. 

You tripped as you stepped up onto the silver seating, intent on getting the stray ball you had sailed to the top of the stands. “Nashatasha wass cuter anyway,” 

“Yeah,” Taylor said slowly,her eyes scrunching as you nearly tumbled down the open side of the bleachers. “Why don’t you sit down? Tony is almost there to help you anyway. He can get the rest of the balls,”

All she needed was for you to fall out of the stands and hurt yourself. 

Your tongue poked between your teeth like you were thinking before the phone shook violently as you plopped down onto the bleachers and rested your chin on your hand. “Kay,”

She blew out a breath as you blinked lazily at her. “Don’t worry, Tony will be there soon,” 

She said the words for herself as much as she said them for you. She didn’t like the idea of you being drunk and alone on a random high school field in the middle of the night. 

She needed you to be safe, and ok. It was a protective instinct that curled around her chest in a way that it had only for one other person. 

Tony would be there soon, and they would get you back to your apartment and she would be able to breathe again. 

OoOoOoOo

“Alright, I think I’ve got her all settled,” A salt and pepper-haired man said, as he tucked your Arsenal blanket under your chin as you snorted softly on the couch. His mirror-finish aviators hung from his v-neck shirt, something more casual than anything Taylor had ever seen him wear before. 

It was a testament to how quickly he had abandoned his vacation to help her (and you by extension), and for that, she would be forever grateful. 

“Thank you, Tony,” She said softly, keeping her voice down so she didn’t wake you. “Really,” 

“It’s no problem ma’am,” He waved her off, his southern drawl calming whatever worry was still left in her chest. “I was happy to help when Jason contacted me, and Ms. Morgan is a very cooperative drunk,” 

You had been incredibly well-behaved when Tony arrived, allowing him to guide you into the back of the SUV and then giving him your apartment address and your keys with no arguments. You didn’t even complain when he basically carried you up the stairs because you were too wobbly to walk. She wasn’t sure if it was because she was on the phone with you, or if you were just too tired to fight.

“Hopefully we don’t have more of these encounters to compare it against,” Taylor said, glancing at the text from her personal assistant. “Casey texted me, my plane is ready, so I should be there fairly soon,” 

Tony made a low noise of agreement, placing a glass of water and an Advil on the coffee table next to your sleeping form, and taking a few steps back to sit on one of the stools, shifting so he could check that the three distinct dog bowls below him also had water. 

The three huskies had refused to leave your side as soon as he got you laid down on the couch. 

“I’ll stay outside her door until you arrive in case there are any issues,” Tony said, looking around your tiny apartment yet again to make sure that there wasn’t anything else he could do so that you would be comfortable when you woke up. “Would you like to stay on the line?” 

Taylor nodded. “That would be great,” 

Even though he was there, she wanted to stay too. She needed to be present in case you woke up. She didn’t want you to feel alone, especially when it seemed your team had abandoned you. 

Tony stood, plugging in your phone and setting it up on the coffee table so that Taylor had a clear view of your sleeping face. 

“I’ll be just outside the door, and my phone is on in case you need me,” He said, squatting so he could look into the camera, and send her a small smile. “I’ll see you when you get here,” 

She sent him a wave as he disappeared, leaving the two of you alone (save for the gray huskie who had wiggled under your arm and the black one who was curled up behind your head). 

She let out a long breath, watching the slow rise and fall of the edge of your Arsenal blanket. 

You looked so young in your sleep.

You were young, she had to remind herself. You were barely 19, even if you wanted to act like you were so much older. Even if you had more responsibilities and people scrutinizing you than most other people your age. 

You shifted, pulling the blanket closer to your face, one eye sleepily blinking open. 

“Tay?” 

She hummed, keeping her voice soft. “Yeah, I’m still here,” 

You shifted, wrapping your arm tighter around the gray husky in your arms. 

“Don’t ever leave,” You murmured the words into the dog's fur so softly that Taylor almost didn’t hear them. “I like you too much. Even if I don’t deserve you,” 

“I like you too,” She smiled gently at the words that sent butterflies swirling in her chest. “Go back to sleep,”

She had liked you too for a very long time, even if she was still hesitant to admit it. 

“Noooo,” You pouted, forcing your eyes further open to look at her. They were breathtakingly blue, just like your older sisters. “I like you like Alex likes Kelley, but I’m not supposed to. You’re too good,” 

Her eyebrows furrowed. 

Why weren’t you supposed to like her? What did you mean that she was too good? 

“And you’re straight,” You added, shifting so your nose was hiding behind the dog in your arms. 

“You can like me Y/n,” She murmured, wanting nothing more than to reach out and brush your messy curls from in front of your sleepy eyes. “I like you too,”

It wouldn’t be worth it to argue with your assumption of her sexuality now anyway. You were too drunk to remember in the morning. 

Your eyes blinked open wider in an adorable doe-eyed expression. “Really?”

“Yes,” She nodded, her lips ticking up impossibly more at your adorableness. “Now sleep. I’ll see you soon,” 

You made a low noise, your eyes sliding closed as you snuggled your nose into the dog under your arm. 

She waited for your breathing to even out, (and several minutes after that) before she clicked off the call to catch her flight. She could watch your sleep for the rest of your lives, and still not get enough. 

She wondered if you were dreaming of her, or of soccer balls and shots that you didn’t miss. Or maybe you were dreaming of a world where one kick didn’t have your teammates and friends turning their backs on you. 

Maybe one day she would ask you. 

OoOoOoO

The first thing you noticed as you came into consciousness was that your mouth felt like it was full of cotton and your head felt like Ashlyn had used it as a ball during punting practice, or like Megan had used it to practice her perfect PKs.

You groaned, shifting on the couch, accidentally displacing the three dogs that had cuddled in around you at some point. 

You had no idea why you were sleeping on the couch, instead of in the king-sized bed you had purchased so the 4 of you had room. 

Come to think of it, you didn’t actually remember how you got here. 

The last thing you remembered was cracking open your 4th beer and gathering your balls so you could shoot more penalties. You didn’t exactly like how the sudsy liquid tasted, but it did an excellent job at dulling the ache in your chest that had settled as soon as you took that fucking PK. 

The ache that went ignored by your sister and your teammates who were too wrapped up in their own grief to even check on you. 

You groaned, running a hand through your hair. At least you remembered to close the blinds, and put out Advil and water for yourself? 

You pushed yourself up, closing your eyes when your apartment spun around you, and pressing your fingers to the bridge of your nose. 

Three cold noses nudged your skin, and you slowly worked your eyes open and reached for the tall glass. 

“I’m ok guys,” You mumbled towards the three dogs sending you worried looks and took a large sip of the still-cool water. “It’s like when I give you guys too many treats,” 

The gray huskie on your left wined, butting her head into your arm. You reached over with your free hand to scratch behind her ear. “I’m ok Art, nothing a good cup of coffee can’t fix,” 

The red dog to your left also nudged you and you rolled your eyes, setting the glass down so you could scratch his head too, and you eyed the black dog still contently cuddled into your left leg. 

He was always the most chill of the floof pack, happy to just be in your presence. 

You would be happy to stay here all day. To let them love away the empty feeling that lingered after you like a bad cough. 

You blinked as a knock sounded at your door, the levity in your chest deflating like a popped balloon. 

It was probably one of your teammates coming to scold you for not sitting in the stands at last night's game. For ditching it instead of taking your punishment.  

The knock sounded again, and you blew out a long breath as you forced yourself to your feet. “I’m coming,” 

Artemis and Apollo trailed after you, stopping by the counter like they had been trained, and Orion stayed on the couch, watching over the living room like a centennial. 

You rolled your eyes at him, running a hand through your hair again, trying to at least pretend you were presentable, as you grabbed the door handle (barely even bothered that the deadbolt wasn’t latched)

You froze when you saw a head of blond hair and the bluest eyes you had ever seen instead of one of your teammates. 

“Taylor? What are you doing here?” You frowned, opening the door wider with one hand and rubbing your tired eyes with the other, hoping it would quell the dizziness that actually standing brought on. “Don’t you have a recording thing today?”

“I have a recording thing every day,” She said, stepping closer to the door. “You scared the shit out of me and I needed to come to check on you myself,” 

Your eyebrows furrowed. 

How had you scared her? Did you call her? 

“Sorry. I don’t really remember the details of last night,” You opened the door wider, your hand lingering in your curls. “Do you wanna come in?”

Taylor nodded, stepping closer to you. “I’d like that,” 

Took a step back, looking behind you towards the dogs. 

“The gray one is Artemis and the red one is Apollo. Orion is black and probably hiding out here somewhere, he’s not a big fan of meeting new people,” You gestured towards the husky’s two waiting for their release command. “Do you want to say hello? They won’t jump, but I know you’re more of a cat person,” 

She looked over your shoulder, nodding. “Yeah,” 

You turned towards the dogs, waving across your waist. “Vale, saluda,” 

Art sniffed at you as she pushed herself up and slowly waltzed past you, Apollo close on her tail as they made their way over to Taylor. 

She tensed like she expected them to tackle her, but they didn’t. Apollo politely sniffed at the hand she had extended as Art circled her twice before nudging gently against her leg, asking to be pet. 

“They’re so well-behaved,” Taylor said softly, her fingers winding their way into the soft fur of Art’s neck. 

“Thanks,” You said, watching carefully as Apollo pressed his into Taylor’s other leg, indicating he wanted to be pet too. “They’re pretty mellow for huskies, as long as they've had their exercise,”

Art paused as Taylor’s other hand began to scratch Apollo's back, and you sighed, pointing away from the two of you. “De,”

Yes, they were well-behaved, but their relationship was also similar to the one you shared with your sister. Apollo liked to rile his older sister up, just like you loved to get a rise out of Alex. 

You didn’t think that Taylor would appreciate a play fight breaking out. 

Art sniffed at you, but did as you asked, her nails tapping as she trotted off towards the living room with Apollo at her heels. 

Maybe they would go find Orion and show him the visitor wasn’t so scary. 

“Want a drink?” You asked, awkwardly scratching the back of your neck with one hand and gesturing to the small bar in your kitchen with the other. “I think I have coffee somewhere,”

It was mundane in comparison to Taylor’s full marble kitchen. Small and disheveled on all accounts. 

The linoleum blue counter had a crack running down the center and you knew that both wooden stools wobbled dangerously when they weren’t in the right spot. But Taylor didn’t complain as she followed you. 

“Coffee would be great,” She hummed, and the stools squeaked as she settled onto one and placed her bag on the other. “I think you could use some too after the night you had,”

You shrugged, turning your back on her, pulling the coffee out of the freezer, and settling up the coffee maker. “What happened last night?”

You didn’t turn to look at her, busying yourself in grabbing 2 coffee mugs and a glass and getting the milk and a carton of orange juice from the fridge. You would have offered her a glass too, but considering how often you drank directly from the carton, you didn’t think it was a good idea. 

“Well,” She drew out the word, and you felt her eyes on you as you moved through the kitchen. “I texted you because you weren’t on the bench, and you responded mostly with self-deprecating gibberish, so I called you,” 

You made a low noise in the back of your throat, grabbing your sugar jar and sliding it towards her, but not meeting her eyes. “I was probably a couple beers deep at that point,”

“Just a couple?” You could almost hear her raised eyebrows, and you finally turned to look at her, placing the coffee pot between you. 

You shrugged, smiling impishly as you poured yourself a cup of coffee. “A few more than a couple,”

“Try a 24-pack,” Taylor scoffed, pouring herself her own cup of coffee. “You’re lucky you didn’t get alcohol poisoning,”

You set your coffee on the counter, sucking all the warmth you could from your mug, your blasé mask cracking. 

“I didn’t drink it all last night,” You said, finally meeting her eyes. “I only had like 13 left,”

She sighed, reaching out and catching your hand. “Still,” 

You paused, blowing out a very long breath. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you, or make you fly all the way out here and waste a day,”

Her eyebrows furrowed at the end of your sentence. The rapid turn in conversation. 

“I’m not wasting anything,” She said slowly. “You obviously needed someone and I’m happy I could be here for you,”

You grimaced. You didn’t deserve to have someone there for you. 

You were the one who fucked up the team. The one who ruined everything. 

“Hey,” Taylor squeezed your hand again, drawing your eyes back to her, like she could read your thoughts. “No time I spend with you is a waste,”

Red flooded your cheeks, up to your ears, and you tried to hide it with a sip of your too-hot coffee. 

She smiled gently at you, looking at the microwave clock behind you. “But we can talk about that later. You have to get ready for practice,” 

“I’m not going,” You scoffed, taking another sip. “There’s no point,” 

“Y/n, avoiding practice isn’t going to fix what’s happening,” She said, her voice patient.  “It’ll only make it worse,” 

A dark look crossed your features. 

“It can’t get worse,” You said, your voice too calm. Too dangerous. “I’ve already been told I won’t be fielding for the rest of the season, and Mallory Pugh has been called into camp to replace me. My soccer career is over at the ripe old age of 19,” 

Despite your efforts to hide it, she could still hear the misery in your voice. The utter defeat. 

Her head tilted to the side, and she took a strategic sip of her coffee. “I thought you didn’t lose?” 

You shook your head. “This is different,” 

You couldn’t fight the system. Not when it was so dead set on driving you out. 

If only you could be like your perfect older sister. 

“Is it though?” She asked, too nonchalantly. “Prove them wrong. Show up and shove it in their faces,” 

You sighed. You knew exactly what she was doing. You always responded better to challenges than to comfort. 

Plus if you left, you weren’t sure Taylor would be here when you returned, and you preferred spending time with her over a useless practice anyway. 

“And I’ll be waiting here for you after practice,” She added as if sensing one of the reasons for your hesitation. “We can grab some dinner and hang out. But first, you need to go kick some ass. It’ll make you feel better anyway,”

You took another long sip of your coffee, before nodding begrudging. 

She was right. Skipping practice would only make things worse, even if going would suck anyway. 

OoOoOoO

“Rough night?” Christen smirked at you, bumping your shoulder as you jogged onto the practice field, fixing your practice jersey. 

You shrugged, sending the striker a half smile. “Something like that,”

She caught the collar of your practice jersey, peeking at the skin underneath it. “I don’t see any hickeys so it couldn’t have been too bad,” 

You batted her hand away, unable to stop the smile that accompanied your rolled eyes. “I don’t have any. I didn’t hook up last night,”

She raised her eyebrow at you. 

It was rare you skipped a team thing unless it was for a girl, even when you weren’t on the bench. She knew that you had been bedhopping more to cope with the loss at the Olympics and the tenuous situation with both the national team and Chicago that you found yourself in. 

She supposed it was a way for you to distract yourself, even if she didn’t think it was what was best for you. 

“Roary was pissed you weren’t at the game,” She said instead of pushing. You were an adult, and what you did off the field was really none of her business. 

“I know,” You mumbled, stepping into line behind Huerta, scratching the back of your neck, a strange look crossing your face. “I already had a meeting with him. It’s why I missed activation,” 

Christen frowned. “He wasn’t too hard on you, was he?” 

He had a reputation for being… abrasive, and Christen was aware of how many times he had been so with you. 

You shrugged again. It wasn’t like Christen could do something about how awful he was. Plus you knew Christen would report anything you said right back to Alex. 

“No more than usual,” You said, sounding uninterested.  “We actually talked about how I’ve improved since coming back from Rio,” 

While he had assigned you 8 laps after practice, overall the meeting hadn’t gone as badly as you feared. Considering how awful the Red Stars were performing with you not even allowed on the bench, you shouldn’t have been so surprised that he was sticking you back in the starting 11 for the midweek game. 

So despite his critique of your personality and playing style, he had conceded that Chicago scored more when you were on the field to service Christen. You would take it as a win. 

Christen’s eyebrows furrowed, not quite believing you. “That’s good I guess,” 

You made a low noise, watching Sofia run the drill so you knew what was happening. 

It was a simple give-and-go with the midfielders, and a shot on goal. 

It would be easy. 

And frankly, it was easy. 

Your fingers wiggled as you watched Sofia launch the ball just over the crossbar, waiting for the goalkeepers to swap so the striking coach would send you the ball. 

You let yourself sink into the drill, and just as he passed you the ball, it was like your brain turned off. You easily tapped it to Colaprico, skirting around Krueger and turning just in time to receive the through ball the midfielder sent back. 

It only took a little flick of your heel to get past Naeher, and send the ball into the back of the net, and head to the back of the other line with little fanfare. 

“Nice shot,” JJ reached out her hand for a low five as you passed her, and you tilted your chin at her as you passed, a smile playing on your lips. 

Taylor had been right, playing did make you feel better. 

And you didn’t have to think about the butterflies her presence sent flying in your stomach. 

“Maybe you have the Morgan gene after all,” Roary said gruffly, stepping onto the practice pitch, his hand landing heavily on your shoulder.

Your back went straight and the hint of a smile slid off your face. 

“I might be able to make an acceptable attacking midfielder of you yet,” He continued, oblivious to how rigid your posture was. 

Christen cleared her throat, casually stepping between the two of you and forcing him to let go. “That was a really good goal. I bet you and Al could make that work for the national team too,”

“Hm,” You made a low noise of agreement, looking away from her. 

You didn’t want to say that with your reputation, you doubted you would ever get a call up again. You were pretty sure Jill already blacklisted you anyway.

“We’ll have to see about that,” Roary chuckled, and his hand found your shoulder again, squeezing tightly. “A few extra film sessions could help,” 

A shiver ran down your spine. You hated film sessions, especially with Roary, but you nodded anyway. 

It wasn’t like you had a choice. Roary always got what he wanted.

He squeezed your shoulder one more time before heading off to harass someone else, but you knew he would be back. You were one of his favorite targets. 

“You know you don’t have to do sessions with him,” Christen said when he was out of earshot, and you looked away. 

She could never understand that you couldn’t say no to him. That your precariousness with both the Red Stars and the USWNT meant that you couldn’t piss off a coach. It meant that you were at his mercy, even if you didn’t want to admit it. 

“He’s an asshole, but he has some good insights,” You said, watching as JJ ran the opposite side of the drill with Huerta. 

Christen used a finger under your chin to force you to look back at her. “That’s not what I asked you,” 

“I know Chris,” You said with too much force, jerking away from her. “I can handle Dames. Right now, I need all the help I can get to show Jill that I deserve my fucking spot. If he wants to help, then so be it,” 

She paused, her hand still hovering in the air where your chin had been. 

“Ok,” She said slowly, her eyebrows furrowing while she tried to decipher your overreaction. “I just wanted to make sure,” 

You swallowed hard, moving up in line. “I know. Sorry, I snapped. I was up late,”

Her lips tilted into a teasing smirk. “Ah yes, you got fucked to get over how Roary fucked you out of your starting spot,”

You threw your head back and groaned, red coloring your cheeks as the line around you erupted in giggles. 

You would never outlive your… reputation, but that was ok because at least it stopped Christen from asking too many questions. Questions that would make their way back to your sister.

They would never believe that the girl who had distracted you wasn’t one you were currently sleeping with anyway. 

“Morgan, you’re up,” The striking coach said, his voice sobering your teammates. “Let’s see if you can do the other half of the drill as well as you did the first,” 

You easily stopped the ball he passed your way, winking towards McCaffrey. “I’ll do better. There’s a reason I’m a midfielder after all,” 

You would have to thank Taylor for making you practice. She was right, it did make you feel better, and you were on your way to proving why you were one of the best in the world.

OoOoOoO

“I can’t believe you’ve never had a burrito before,” You said, biting into your chicken and queso concoction. 

It had been an easy decision to grab Chipotle after practice, one you hadn’t really thought about until the text came through that Taylor didn’t know what to order. 

That she had never been to one of your favorite post-practice restaurants. 

“I’ve just never gotten around to it. They’re not common in Nashville,” She hummed, delicately biting into her own streak and bean creation. “How was practice,” 

You scrunched your nose but decided that pointing out that Chipotle was a national chain (and that you and Emily had eaten at one when you played Australia in Nashville) wasn’t worth it. You felt like there was something… off about her relationship with food, but you didn’t know if you were close enough to be able to bring it up. 

You honestly didn’t know if you were just friends, because the way she looked at you felt like you were edging on something more. 

“Fine,” Your shoulder lifted and fell as you took another bite and swallowed. You grabbed a chip from your bag, shoving it in the top of your burrito. “Apparently I’m starting tomorrow,”

Taylor frowned. “That feels like quite the jump from being left off the roster,” 

She wasn’t entirely sure how the whole selection process worked for roster and starting lineups (despite her recent research into the topic), but it felt very weird for you to go from essentially not on the team to one of the people who would carry it through the game. 

You made a low sound of agreement, swallowing. “I have a feeling it was ownership’s call,” 

Taylor raised an eyebrow at you, clearly asking for a more comprehensive explanation. 

“We lost like 6-0,” You explained. “And our media guy said that the attendance dropped by 40% because I wasn’t on the bench,” 

It was one of the few concessions that Roary made. The team hadn’t been able to break through North Carolina’s midfield without your creativity or ability to draw defenders. They hadn’t been able to supply the forwards or stop the line-breaking balls Zerboni kept sending through, and ultimately it led to a complete creaming of your team. 

They needed you on the field, no matter how loath he was to admit it. That’s why you assumed Armin had overridden the coach's judgment. 

The team brought in less money when they lost. 

Taylor nodded in understanding and the two of you lapsed into silence, slowly munching on your respective burritos. 

“I can’t believe you have a game 2 days apart,” She said after a few minutes. “Doesn’t seem to leave you a lot of time to recover,”

You tilted your head. “The league wants to squeeze in as many matches as they can before the international break,”

“That seems reasonable,” Taylor said, seemingly agreeing with you. 

It didn’t, but the league (and the owners) weren’t really concerned with your health. You were basically a trading card designed to bring them more money. 

You played with the foil around your burrito, biting your lip. “I um… I have an extra pass if you want to come watch,” 

She paused, her grin dipping into a frown. “I’m not sure that’s a good idea. Going out somewhere isn’t always easy,”

Not that she was sure anyone even knew she was in Chicago. So far, there hadn’t been any talk on social media of her impromptu trip, and she had no intention of that changing. 

She didn’t need the space in front of your apartment becoming a circus. Not with the horrible things the press had been saying about her. 

“The seat is in a box, so no one would see you if you decided you wanted to go, and you can use the player’s entrance,” You explained, trying to seem like you didn’t care what her answer would be. Trying to pretend like you wouldn’t care if she decided not to one. “No cameras are allowed in the tunnels,”

Her lips pressed very tightly together, seemingly seeing through your facade. “I just don’t want to take away from your game,” 

“You can’t distract from the match,” You shrugged. “There will already be crazy speculation because I’m on the roster, and the Camp call-ups haven’t been made public yet,” 

She hummed. She knew that the media that you dealt with was different, but still vicious nonetheless. 

Instead of picking apart your outfit choice or your performances on stage, they tore apart your play. They ripped your soccer skills apart and compared you to your sister at every turn. 

“I think it’s horrible that they’re focusing so much on one play,” 

It was still difficult for her to wrap her head around how a singular moment had seemingly derailed your entire career, but then again a single misconstrued phone call had derailed hers. 

You shrugged. It was nothing when compared to what Taylor was dealing with. “At least they’re attacking me for something I actually did. I ended my soccer career with a single kick. You’re being punished for a man’s lies,”

Taylor nodded slowly, taking another bite of her burrito. 

She didn’t think either circumstance was fair, but that was the position that you were both in. You were trapped by your coaches and she was trapped by perception. 

The only thing either of you could do was control the things you could, and enjoy the ride. Everything would even out eventually. 

“I’ll come to your game,” She said, not just because she knew it would make you happy, but also because she wasn’t ready to leave yet, and going to the game would mean spending more time with you. 

Plus, there was no way she would miss seeing you so in your element in person. Not when it was so ridiculously attractive on screen. 

Your whole face lit up. “Really?”

She couldn’t help but smile too. “Yeah, it should be fun,” 

Even if the paparazzi got wind of it, seeing you look so happy for the first time since you returned from Brazil would make it worth it. 

“It’ll be great. I’ll even make sure to score for you,” You said, wiggling excitedly as you cleaned up your burrito wrapper and held the bag up for her as Art and Apollo both sniffed at it (she was shocked they hadn’t even begged for scraps earlier). 

“If you do, you’ve gotta do the backflip celebration,” She chucked, tossing the aluminum wrapped from her burrito into the bag. “That one’s my favorite,” 

You paused, your grin morphing into a mischievous smirk at the mention of your very famous goal celebration. 

“For sure,” You said with your signature wink, and Taylor couldn’t help but burst into laughter. “I’ll do a double if I get a hat trick, just for you,” 

It took a second for her peels of laughter to dissolve into shorter giggles and for her to catch her breath. It was so strange to have the look you always sent fans directed at her. The look she was sure had landed you most of your famous hookups. 

Though it kind of melted her heart that you only used it on her in a comedic sense. That it shifted back to the look she liked to think you saved just for her as soon as her giggles filled the air. 

“Do you want to watch something before dinner?” You asked, sobering and shifting awkwardly on the couch. “The pups and I thought a pillow fort would be cool,” 

Taylor hummed, leaning her chin on her hand. “I think that sounds incredible,” 

The little fist pump you gave was adorable, as was the way the dogs hopped around you, and in that moment she knew. 

When she looked back on this moment, it would be the one she would point to as the moment she knew she was in love. 

OoOoOoO

Taylor had been to a lot of places in her life. She had played down the road from Seat Geek Stadium in Chicago many times. 

But she had never gotten to see this side of the city. 

She had never gotten to be normal and watch a game without hordes of people screaming for her attention. She hadn’t even needed to use the special player entrance. The stadium attendants had escorted them to the box with zero fanfare, and she felt safe sitting in the open area of the box with the promise that the cameras rarely panned it. 

She didn’t even regret not bringing extra security like she thought she would. 

Her heart also fluttered each time you glanced up at the box, smiling impossibly wider each time she waved.  

It was like the little lanyard pass you had given her (and Tony) was an invisibility cloak.

It was an addictive feeling to be so… free. To be hidden to the rest of the world but so visible to you. 

“She’s really on fire tonight,” Tony said, glancing over at the game clock. 

You had only been on the field for 15 minutes, and you had already scored twice. 

“She’s got a lot to prove,” Taylor hummed, leaning forward in her seat as you slotted another better ball between the two opposing team’s defenders. “This is the first time she’s gotten to play since the Olympics,” 

You had already told her that you probably wouldn’t get to play the full first half anyway. Your coach was stuck on the penalty you took in Brazil just like the rest of the world was, even if Taylor didn’t see a point in basing your playtime off of it. 

That meant you had limited minutes to prove to them that you deserved to be on the pitch. To make them regret not starting you in other games, 

Tony’s head tilted as number 23 played a quick pass back to you and the ball buried itself into the back of the net with just the tap of your toes for your 3rd goal of the evening. 

It looked easy. Fluid. Even when he knew it was anything but. 

You smiled as the crowd went absolutely wild, tipping an invisible hat towards the bench. 

“I think it has more to do with who’s here,” Tony countered, gesturing towards where you winking towards the player's box was replaying on the Jumbotron. 

She shrugged, ignoring the slight red creeping up her cheeks and his sideways glance. “The team has so much more energy when she’s on the field,” 

Even as the teams got ready to reset, you bounced on your toes, twisting your hips in a way that reminded her of the shake it off dance  and saying words Taylor couldn’t hear to your teammates. Words she was sure were organizing your offense. Words she knew would help you continue to shred your former team, even if she herself wouldn’t understand them (watching a game with you had been like listening to a foreign language as you yelled at the screen, unwilling to translate until it was over). 

“She’s the focal point of their offense,” Tony agreed, deciding not to comment further on Taylor’s blush. “But tonight she’s playing more flashy than she normally plays,” 

Taylor hummed. He was right. 

From what she had seen, you were not generally a selfish player. You liked to serve balls on a platter to make your team look good. You liked to pull defenders and set your strikers up. 

Tonight you hadn’t done that. 

Tonight you had taken the chances for yourself, putting them in the back of the net and making sure the league knew exactly what you were capable of. You wanted to show them how dangerous you could be. 

“She’s proving a point,” Taylor reiterated. 

“I don’t disagree,” Tony said as you slotted a very nice through pass past the first defender, and the second just barely poked it out for a corner kick. You glanced up towards the box as you took your position, a little smirk on your face. “I’m just not sold that she’s only proving a point to the coaching staff, her teammates and the reporters,” 

Taylor’s head tilted. 

It was true that while you didn’t play flashy, you did like to tease the fans (and whoever had caught your eye that week). You knew their obsession with you, and you never missed an opportunity to play it up. 

But this felt different. 

You hadn’t been winking at anyone on the field, or in the stands. The only place you kept looking was over towards the coaching staff and up at her. 

“She doesn’t have anything to prove to me,” She said, sitting back in her chair as your header landed in the keeper's hands. 

Tony smirked. “I know that and you know that,” 

Taylor made a low noise, her eyes flitting to the sideline where the 4th official was getting ready with the sub-board. “I think she knows that too,”

You trudged to the sideline when your number came up, using your jersey to wipe your mouth (flashing your abs to the crowd) and glancing up at the clock. 

Taylor followed your eyes, frowning at the large 25 on the screen. 

It was stupid to take you off when you were playing so well, and the booing from the crowd echoed her sentiment. The fans were about as happy as you looked about coming off, even if it was already expected. 

You ignored your replacement and brushed off the coach's hand, glaring at him as you took the pinny from one of the equipment managers. 

There was an odd friction between you and the man, one that brought out a fierceness and an anger that countered your normally sunny personality. But then again, your personality was much different when you were on the field anyway. 

There was a confidence and swagger about you that made butterflies erupt in her stomach. That made her want you in a way that should make her feel uncomfortable. 

But even now, the way you signed autographs for the fans behind the bench reminded her that you were still you. You were still the sweet and shy, not the cocky character you played on the field (even if she was rather sexy). 

This version of you was the one that melted her heart. 

“She might know that, but I think she wants to impress you anyway,” Tony said, drawing her attention back to him. “It’s cute,” 

Taylor raised an eyebrow at him, clearing her throat and trying to ignore the warmth that moved from her cheeks up to her ears. “Shut up,” 

He chuckled, settling back in his seat, ready for the rest of the game (even if it had considerably slowed down now that you weren’t playing). He had a feeling that he would get to witness many more of your interactions in the future and that he would get to see your insane footwork on the field again if the look on Taylor’s face was anything to go by. 

Getting to see the two of you actually interact together had to be just as adorable, and he was looking forward to it. 

OoOoOoO

You sighed, leaning back on the couch, scratching Orion’s head where he rested it in your lap, just above your air therapy boots, and changing the channel for the 30th time. 

You weren’t actually watching the television, but you thought that some background noise would help alleviate the odd emptiness that had overtaken your apartment. It was quiet in a way you hadn’t expected now that Taylor (and Tony) were gone, and it made you feel like there was a little piece of you missing. 

Post-game recovery was always your least favorite part of the process. It always gave you too much time to think and to worry. To dissect every movement you made on the field. 

But now it also gave you too much time to miss Taylor. 

You understood why she had to leave after a quick congratulations after the game. You knew she was busy and that she needed to be in New York to record. 

That didn’t mean that a part of you didn’t wish she had stayed. 

You shook your head, shifting on the couch (much to Orion's annoyance). 

You weren’t supposed to get attached to Taylor. To people in general, really. 

Experience taught you that they would all leave eventually, no matter what they said or how much they promised you they wouldn’t. 

Your parents forgot about your existence when Alex started getting called up to the U20 team. Alex left you for college and was too wrapped up in her new life to remember you existed either. Your friends all left when they realized that you weren’t worth the effort.

 And Taylor…

She would leave too when she found out about the feelings you harbored for her. 

She would write a song about how you ruined your friendship because you were too selfish to accept that she would never feel like you did. Even if she didn’t, she would leave once she saw how fucked up you really were. 

Still, the little voice in your brain fixated on the chemistry between the two of you. On the moments where you caught her staring at your abs during the game, or how you would swear she was staring at your lips when you met her in the tunnel afterward. 

But she couldn’t like you that way, and if she did it was something more than a sexual curiosity. 

You blew out another breath. 

It wasn’t that you hadn’t crossed that line with your friends before, you had, but you didn’t want it to be like that with Taylor. You didn’t want her to be a fuck buddy or a one night stand that she would regret later. 

You couldn’t cross that line without her leaving you, but you weren’t even sure if there was a line to cross. Hell, you had never had a real relationship so you weren’t even sure if you had already crossed it. 

Did friends do the things you and Taylor did? Did friends fly cross country to help? Did they cuddle in pillow forts? 

You were just… lost. 

You had never felt so… attached before. 

You let your head fall back on the couch with a low thump. You didn’t know what to do, and you couldn’t call the person you normally would (Kelley) because she would tell Alex. 

You grabbed your phone from the edge of the couch, scrolling through your contacts until you found one of the few who weren’t ignoring you for missing the PK. One of the few who you trusted (even if you would get the shit teased out of you). 

You paused, your finger hovering over Emily’s picture. 

She would know what to do. She always knew what to do. 

It took you another second to gain the courage to actually press the call button, and you worried your bottom lip as it started to ring. 

She was definitely going to make fun of you. 

“I need your help,” You said as soon as Emily’s face appeared on the screen. 

“Hello Emily, how are you? I’m fine, thank you so much for asking,” 

“Emily,” You sighed, pinching the bridge of your nose, but she just raised her eyebrows expectantly in response. Your shoulders sank. “Hello Emily, how are you?” 

“I’m doing great,” She smiled cheekily back at you. “Now what’s up?”

You ran a hand through your hair, rubbing over the short curls at the back of your neck, trying to mask how nervous you were. 

“I..-“ You stuttered, looking away. “There’s a girl, and I like her, but I have no clue what’s happening or what’s supposed to happen next,” 

She squinted at you. “Are you dating this girl?”

“No,” You breathed out, dragging your hand from your hair to press into your forehead. “I don’t think so. She’s my friend. She’s straight, but there’s all this weird tension, and I’m not sure if she would ever want to date me. I doubt it, cause like I said she’s straight. But she’s really really pretty and we cuddle and I like her a lot but i-“ 

“Y/n,” Emily said, cutting you off mid-ramble, a playful smile pulling at her lips. 

You blinked at her. “Yeah?”

“Let’s just start at the beginning,” She leaned forward, towards the phone, accentuating each syllable. “And talk at a pace where I can actually understand you,” 

“I…I got drunk and missed a game,” You swallowed down your blush and looked away from her raised eyebrow.  “She flew to Chicago to see me because she was worried, and I bought her her first burrito-,” 

“She’s never had a burrito before? What kind of person hasn’t had a burrito?” Emily snorted, and you felt the tension in your chest relax a little. 

You shrugged. “She said she never had one before. She liked it a lot,”

Emily’s head tilted in question, but she waved her hand. “Ok, carry on with your story,” 

You swallowed hard, focusing on how your fingers dug into the spot at the back of your neck“She came to check on me and convinced me to go to practice. I bought her a burrito, and we had Thai for dinner. 

“Did she sleep over?” She asked you, her pointer finger tapping her bottom lip. 

You nodded slowly. “Yeah. The huskies cuddled up with us in a pillow fort and we both fell asleep to survivor,” 

Emily sighed, sending you a pointed look. That wasn’t what she had been asking. “But you didn’t sleep together?” 

Red instantly colored your cheeks, and the pads of your fingers dug further into the muscles at the base of your skull. “Not in the um… traditional sense,” 

You looked away from her, unable to meet her eyes. You couldn’t have Taylor in that way. She didn’t want you. 

And if you crossed that boundary (like you had with only one other person who was a friend) then you knew you would lose her. 

You weren’t ready for that. 

But at the same time, you didn’t know how to not cross it. Not with the feelings still bubbling in your chest. 

Emily’s eyes narrowed. “Is she still there?” 

“No, she had to go back to New York after the game,” You shook your head. “And we’re going to meet up again while you all are at came because there’s a break,” 

Despite how much you didn’t want her to go, you understood that she had responsibilities and music to record, but that didn’t stop the way your chest ached now that she was gone. 

It didn’t stop the confusion racing around your brain. 

Emily stared at you like you had grown 3 heads. “A girl flew to Chicago for you, waited at your shitty apartment while you were at practice, let you bring her lunch and take her out to dinner, then attended a shitty Red Stars game and you still don’t know if she’s into you,” 

You sighed, weaving your fingers through the too-long curls at the base of your neck and tugging. 

“She’s my friend, Emily,” You grit out. 

She raised an eyebrow at you. “The same friend who answers every time you call her,” 

You tugged harder. “You don’t understand,”

Taylor was like that with all of her friends. She made everyone feel like they were the only person she could see. The only person who mattered when she was with them. 

“I understand just fine,” She snorted. “You’re such a dumbass,” 

You sent her a withering glare. “Emily be serious, please,”

She held her hand up in defense. “I am being serious. You’ve been on at least 2 dates, and she invited you to her place. All before the two of you have hooked up. If that doesn’t scream dating, or the desire to be dating, then I don’t know what will,”

You shook your head, dragging your fingers up through your hair and down your face. 

This was why you hadn’t wanted to call Emily. Why Kelley or Alex would have been a much better option. 

“This is not why I called you,” You mumbled. 

“Then what is?” She asked, sounding amused. 

“I…-“ You bit your lip and finally looked up at her, meeting her eyes through the phone. “I don’t know how any of this works, and I’m not sure what I’m supposed to do next,” 

“Well, at some point a conversation should happen where you define what you two are doing,” She said slowly, her voice turning soft but serious. “but other than that, I think you just go with it,”

You squinted. “Just go with it?”

What was her brilliant advice to your crisis? To just… let whatever was going to happen happen. 

“Yeah, if you’re into it and she’s into it, just be into it, together,” She shrugged. “It doesn’t have to be complicated,” 

Part of you wanted to yell that it already was complicated. That you couldn’t cross a line and lose her like you’d lost everyone else. But you didn’t. 

“Ok,” You said. “Thank you,” 

Emily smiled brilliantly back at you. “No problem, I’ll see you soon,”

You stared at the black screen of the phone as she ended the call. 

Maybe she was right. Maybe you just had to go with it and trust your gut. 

Maybe it would all be ok if you didn’t overthink it. That’s why you were good at hookups after all wasn’t it? 

[pookie-mulder]

June 2024 fic roundup

Here are my favorite June reads:

👶📝 Of Our Own Making by @television-overload

I totally forgot to put this on last month’s list! I absolutely loved reading each new chapter every morning at work. I can’t not read a marriage of convenience fic, especially when there’s a baby involved.

💌🦃 Small Lives Awake by Jesemie’s Evil Twin

You know when you read something so sweet, so pure, that you feel like it breaks your heart in the best way? That’s this fic. It’s incredibly fluffy without being cheesy, and the writing style is so elegant.

🏝️👨‍👩‍👦 The Eden Series by Jacque LaVa

Was this the best fic I’ve ever read? No. Was everyone OOC? Definitely. Did I still enjoy it? You bet. I cannot resist the siren call of a survival fic, an amnesia fic, or a kidfic, and this had all three.

👰‍♀️🤵‍♂️ The Marriage Spectacular by @cecilysass

I’ve never met a cecilysass fic I didn’t like, and this was no exception. Fake relationship my beloved! Only one bed my beloved! Mulder and Scully being idiots in love my beloved! Absolutely delightful. 10/10, no notes.

🌀☔️ Hurricane Season by beduini & rah

This fic perfectly captures M&S’s “we’re completely and utterly devoted to each other and literal soulmates yet we still doubt our place in each other’s lives and we never actually talk about it” dynamic that we know and love. It takes place when William is a few months old and they’re still trying to define their relationship. I loved it SO MUCH!

(hmu for an epub — the chapters are long, which makes it easy to lose your place if you don’t finish the chapter in one sitting)

❄️✈️ WHITEOUT by EvanBlack

A classic “Mulder and Scully get in a plane crash and have to survive until help arrives” story. (You all know by now how much I love a survival fic!)

I absolutely adored the dynamic between them in this one. They’re down SO bad for each other, and it shows. I especially loved the beginning when they’re both wishing they were sitting next to each other so they could hold hands. That’s the good stuff right there!

🛁🧪 Antidote by Rachel Howard and Karen Rasch

Mulder and Scully investigate an unknown contagion in a remote town. You can probably guess what happens from there.

This was the perfect road trip read! Engaging and exciting without being too plot-heavy.

🤰👶 40 Weeks by @malibusunset-xf-blog

What if the IVF worked?

The most delectable pregnancy fluff with a dash of smut and a healthy serving of Mulder and Scully figuring out their relationship.

🪶🐎 Omens by @lepusarticus

I cannot say enough good things about this fic. It’s definitely a new addition to the Holy Grail list.

It’s a casefic, but it doesn’t feel like a casefic…more like an exploration of magic and family and love. With its spooky small-town gothic vibe and emphasis on powerful women and strange houses and ancient magic, it reminds me a lot of my favorite book series, The Raven Cycle. (If you liked this fic, you should go read TRC!)

This fic has layers and nuance and themes and motifs and gorgeous metaphors and one incredibly hot scene that ticked all my boxes. Even the OCs are rich and compelling. I would read a whole series set in this universe!

💥🚗 Goshen by Bonetree

Emily angst plus survival plus tending to each other’s injuries plus hurt/comfort? Yes please! I love it when I find a fic that seems to be created in a lab just for me.

(After reading the summaries of the following installments, I’m not quite sure if they’re really my thing. Has anyone read the rest of the series? Did you like it?)

👦🏻🦊 A Boy and His Fox by 6hoursgirl

Mulder and Scully “platonically” coparent their son. Mulder learns what it means to be a dad. Pure, unadulterated fluff! If you like kidfics, this one is a must-read.

📚👩‍⚕️ Heuvelmans’ On the Track by The_Mythopeodic

This fic is a fandom classic, and I can definitely see why. The author uses language in unexpected and interesting ways, which is not something you see very often in fic.

I tend to go for “popcorn” fics that are addictive and easy to binge. This one is more like a hearty slab of meat. Both types are good in their own way, but this fic made me work for it.

Anyway, I got a bit frustrated with myself around the halfway mark and kept having to reread passages a few times to truly understand what’s going on. I lamented that I needed a reading guide like they used to give you in English class.

After putting it aside for a few days, I came back and DEVOURED the second half. I don’t want to spoil anything, but if you’ve read it, you know what I’m talking about. I loooooved seeing Scully be resourceful and scrappy and capable, and the epilogue is incredible. I’m glad I pushed through!

🪡🌨️ Skamania County by Sarie_Fairy

This is actually the second time I’ve read this one, which I didn’t realize until near the end when I tried to leave kudos, haha. Anyway, I loved it both times! It has everything that makes survival fics so enticing: a nice trip to the woods that quickly goes wrong, one person hiding their life-threatening injury from the other, the intimacy of tending to their wounds, cuddling (naked) for warmth, and finally resolving that UST. Chef’s kiss!

🧙‍♀️🔭 The Mars Differential by @asteraceae-blue

This one is a WIP, and I cannot wait for the rest! It’s an intriguing casefile with plenty of msr.

I also read a bunch of @o6666666’s fics thanks to this masterlist that made its way around recently!

They are the master of writing fic that hurts so good. This IVF arc one might be my favorite, along with this season 9 one that squeezed my heart like a stress ball.

[cacti-are-like-flamingos]

Better Than Gold

Gojo Satoru x Reader x Geto Suguru

The Cursed Trio | Simple Pleasures

...

Gojo LOVES to take pictures --- he's the sort to have an aesthetic theme when it comes to his MySpace page (Instagram only came out in 2010 bro i feel old as shit rn also I have no idea how myspace works so ye)

(Side Note: Gojos had never really been interested in social media until the day Suguru made an account, back in early-August. Intrigued by the idea of connecting with his bestie over a new platform, he made one. It's quite frankly one of the worse and best decisions ever.)

Gojo has spent an insane amount of time refining both his feed and his page to perfection. Surprisingly, he has a small amount of pictures posted --- around two hundred or so; however, almost all of them consist of the three of you hanging out at random places around Japan

To be honest, you're that one person in the friend group that ends up in random places at the most random of times while Suguru is just one to go with it and Gojo is the one to encourage it.

Gojo has a list of places you or Suguru have shown even the slightest of interest. Although, a few places are added so that the two males can give you a tour of Japan.

Ah, Gojos is the one who likes to take you to trendy places such as Shinjuku Sky, where the views are absolutely spectacular. Especially during sunset. Your face is squished between Suguru's cheek and Gojo's shoulder as the three of you look up to the camera, a sunset in the background as the three of you go down the escalator.

(Side Note: Gojo is the one to take all the group pictures because he has the longest arm, ensuring the best of angles. Shockingly, Suguru is banned from taking pics because he doesn't really know how to. He always gets the ugliest angle. The only type of pics he can take are nature shots. Half of his page is composed of stray cats he finds on the way to Jujutsu High.)

(Another Side Note: While in Shinjuku you were absolutely obsessed with the giant cat billboard. Gojo and Suguru teamed up to tease you the rest of the trip since you wouldn't shut up about it. Suguru took a video of you gazing up at the billboard with a stupid look on your face. He loved it so much, he made it into his profile picture.)

Although not a trendy spot, Gojo likes to take you to see the hundreds of vending machines around the area. It's like a fun little game between the two of you where you have to guess what the next vending machine is selling --- the face you make when you saw the panty-selling machine was absolutely to die for.

Whenever you walk by a particular vending machine (a very specific one too. The machine looks somewhat ragged and old, it's always hidden in a dark corner which is so sketchy but like whatever), you'll buy something for Gojo. Specifically those sugary coffee cans that he likes so much along with whatever sweet treat it sells.

(Side Note: 1. You swear you're like the only person who buys from that machine. 2. Originally, you had dared Gojo to try something from the sketchy machine and, being a man of pride, he did. He ended up loving them so much he bought 10. You had to pry the drinks out of his hands so he wouldn't die from a sugar overload or something. 3. The machine has different flavors, so every day you get him another flavor.)

Suguru likes to take you both to hidden gems like a lovely sushi shop tucked away in some narrow alley deep in some random abandoned street or something (that sounds so sketchy, plz don't do this unless you're in a large group and have some form of defense.)

There's this one shop he showed you, they only serve one specific meal that you never mind considering how well they cook it. Suguru had admitted that he frequents the little shop (since he was a child), so much so that the owner knows him very well.

The owner is this very kind elderly man whose restaurant has been in the family for years, and every time he sees Suguru fast approaching --- he stops whatever he's doing and runs outside to greet him.

When the owner first saw you, he had this wicked grin on his wrinkled face as he teased Suguru for bringing his little lover over. Cue a blushing Suguru desperately trying to explain your relationship while you just smile like a cheshire cat whose been gifted new blackmail material.

Anyways, hanging on the walls of the small shop are pictures of Suguru over the years. There's this really cute one where he's barely 5 years old. His clothes are all stained from the food yet his mouth is open wide to devour it. His hair in a small bun. You liked how he hasn't changed much throughout the years. You just hoped his tired expression would fade away soon

Suguru once took Gojo to a narrow street called Omoide Yokocho, which was lined up with bars and yakitori restaurants. Unfortunately, Suguru had to call you so you could help him with a very drunk white-haired who couldn't hold his alcohol to save the life of him. When you arrived, Gojos greeted you with a tight hug as he kept shouting about how he got you some yakitori to try.

You took a video unbeknownst to him

(Add-on: Gojo really dislikes alcohol so you have no idea what made him want to drink that night. Plus, he obviously knows that he can't handle his alcohol so wtf bro)

Whenever one or the other can't join you and whoever you're currently with, you'll FaceTime the missing person ( yes yes, I know. FaceTime came out in 2010 but like for the sake of me not re-doing this bit, we advancing technology just a bit)

Your MySpace page, while private, was primarily composed of screenshots of these sorts of situations. With either Gojo or Suguru in a corner, posing for the screenshot. (The same goes for when you're not there!)

It should be noted that you were the type of person who posted pictures of others and not yourself. So seeing your own face on your page was a rare sight.

I have no idea how myspace works again

There's this one where you're hanging out with Haibara and Kento at a restaurant surrounded by rubber ducks --- while on a subway train, Haibara had heard whispers of a restaurant that only accepted rubber ducks instead of money. He already knew you'd be down for it, any excuse to explore. The only one who took convincing was Kento, but he quickly agreed Haibara's puppy eyes.

You hung onto both of their elbows the entire way there, joyful at the idea of having your own set of personal bodyguards

Moving on

There's this massive Ferris wheel located in Tokyo where one can karaoke while up in the air --- let me be the first to say that you and Gojo went absolutely ape shit for this while Suguru was just happy to be there.

Considering that you haven't been in Japan long enough to know any of the true classics, actually that's a lie. During those knitting Friday classes with Yaga, Yaga would play classic Japanese hits from the 90's. Either way, the sight of you trying to figure out the lyrics to every song earned you quite the number of cackles

Gojo always chose the catchy ones whilst Suguru chose the cheesy romance ones --- you were the backup singer for the most part

Suguru hit his head alot as he came out of the carriage

I don't remember if I added it or not, but in the beginning, you had this habit of holding onto either Gojo's or Suguru's shirt whenever you guys were walking around crowded areas. (I swear I wrote this somewhere) This little habit of yours had appeared fronting off on Suguru because he now does it. The three of you will be walking through an area and the crowds of people will just watch in amusement as three teenagers walk in front of them holding each other's shirts like a train. You holding Suguru's and Suguru holding Gojo's.

Ah, of course you had to take the bullet train at some point during your whole exploration. For this you were accompanied by both your boys AND Ieiri, who only came along due to Gojo promising to pay for all of your meals at your soon-to-be-reached destination (yep what a sugar daddy)

You were obsessed with how sleek the train looked. The seats were nice and comfortable, mainly because Gojo had bought First Class tickets.

Eventually, you wanted to explore more of the train so you bid the group a temporary farewell as you headed out to the other parts.

Oh my god, there must've been some promotional event on the train because, next thing you know, you're standing in front of some red panda mascot dancing in the aisle while giving out flyers and small plushie keychains of its figure.

Wanting one of the keychains, you approached the giant mascot-wearing person. Tapping their plushie shoulder, the Panda turned around with a soft noise only to stiffen up at the sight of you with a shriek in tow.

"Hi, could I have a key-" In an obvious frenzy, the Panda pushed the merchandise into your hands before barreling through you to the next cart

"Oi! What's the matter with you?" You screamed at the Panda.

And the Panda accidentally gave you three.

"Wait, you gave me two extra!"

But they were already gone

This is an obvious reference to Bullet Train. Fuck you Brad Pitt, hello Aaron Taylor-Johnson. Can't wait for meemaw to let go of you 😏

"Excuse me," a deep voice called out from behind you. Glancing over your shoulder, you sent the light green soul a polite yet questioning look.

His outline is strange. It's fuzzy in some places yet clear in others.

"You dropped this," he said as he held up your wallet in the air. You silently noted how a bag of fish hung around his other one.

(Side Note: You have a recognizable wallet thanks to Kento, who gifted it to you. The wallet itself is in the shape of a black maneki-neko, so everyone in the group knows that it's yours the moment they see it.)

"Oh! Thanks!" Grabbing the item from his grasp, you settled it into your uniforms pockets. You politely smiled at him as you stepped away only to stop when you heard his voice call out for you

"Wait!" Licking your lips, your fingers twitched at you sides as you, once again, turned to meet the guy. "Yes?"

The man actually seemed to squirm upon receiving the end of your rather unnerving stare, almost as if you were staring into his soul

Ha!

"I couldn't help but overhear, they gave you an extra, right? I, uh, know a kid and I figured the twerp would like one."

That is so fucking sus

But like, not your business

Upon hearing his words, you quickly acted, "Oh! Yeah sure! Here." Placing the keychain into the palm of his hand, you strutted away. Heading back in the direction of your friend group.

On the way to your friend's, you came across a Train Attendant who seemed to be having a little argument with a young man who looked dead on his feet --- even his soul had dark circles around his eyes. Might also explain why he's slurring his words all over the place and why the train lady is beyond confused

The closer you got, the more you understood the situation and well, you might as well help while you get the gang some snacks

"Excuse me, I think he's asking for some coffee?" You snorted at the sight of his eyes twinkling at the fact that someone actually managed to decipher his nonsense.

Cute

The scene only got funnier when the lady handed him his cup of coffee and he, out of sheer desperation as well as sleep deprivation, dropped his briefcase onto the floor after reaching out for the cup with his two hands

A literal mess, you mused to yourself.

You had to help him with his briefcase. Plus the fact that he could barely reach his seat without tripping over literal air. He'll, you even helped straighten out his suit, going so far as to rub the golden button on his left lapel to bring it a bit of shine back --- he thanked you profusely.

He offered to give you money in return for your aid but you refused, "You have a kind soul, which is rare. So, don't worry about it. Think of it as me giving back all the good you've done."

Mans was gobsmacked as he watched you leave the train car after ordering a few snacks from the lady

FINALLY YOU REACHED THE BESTIES

As always, Gojo loves to drape himself over people. Specifically, you or Suguru...or both! Both ire better in his professional opinion.

"You were gone a while! Where the hell were you?!" The white haired nagged, brows knitted together to display annoyance only to quell as Suguru drew his long fingers through Gojo's hair.

He'll need a hair cut by the end of the week, Suguru noted.

"Got you something, Ieiri." You threw her the red panda keychain, earning you a delighted squeal from said woman.

"What about us, hm? Don't neglect us now~!" Sugurus teased with a sly close-eyed smile.

And for that, you threw the snacks straight at his face...although, you did feel something else in your bag when you went to throw the snacks

Plopping yourself beside Suguru, who immediately drew his arm around your shoulders as he laid his head on your shoulder, you pulled out the piece of paper from your bag

A simple little thing

Barely any words on it

Fancy though, considering the shiny gold metallic paint adorning it.

"What's that?" Gojo asked, looking up at it from his place on Suguru's lap

You shrugged, "Dunno, must've grabbed it by accident when I paid for the snacks."

As expected, both your boys paid little attention to the card as they started to bicker about something irrelevant to you

But still, the little card in your hands captured your attention. Turning it around, you observed the image painted onto its canvas, your thumb running over it.

Oh, there's a phone number under it.

Huh

Crumpling the piece of paper in your fist, you threw it into your bag to be long forgotten under the pile of random shit you have in there.

(Side Note: Prior to these items ending up in your bag, they'd be with Ieiri, who swore she'd end up finding some use for them. She has this strange tendency to consume trendy things only to never use them in the end, so she'll just give it to you for safe keeping.)

You seriously have to purge your bag now because of that bitch

Suddenly, Gojo smacks the side of your face after having tried to get your attention for the past ten minutes

You look at him, he looks at you.

Iridescent vs. Pearlescent

It gets eerily silent before you shove him to the ground, earning you an angry hiss from the albino Pomeranian.

Suguru is holding you back, albeit struggling. Who knew you had such strength

While Ieiri cheers 'Fight! Fight! Fight!' in the background

What a way to end the day

...

(A/N): August 4 me: This chapter took so bucking long to write. When I finally got to writing, the Benadryl I took started hitting and I had to stop before I passed out on the spot lol

August 5: I just did exercise and my legs are fucking killing me rn.

August 6: I just woke up. My legs don't hurt as much so that's nice. Also I know I dreamt of something interesting but I can't remember so meh. At least, I woke up with an idea of how I wanted this episode to be written.

Originally:

This chapter was going to open with a whole different scene inspired by something I read while researching a bit on Japan; however, I realized that it would be best to postpone the original scene until a later chapter, specifically Artificial Paradise.

You were supposed to come across a certain someone on the Bullet Train; however, I chose against it and decided for the next big thing. Can you guess who it was?

"What about us, hm? Don't neglect us now~!" It was supposed to have been said by Gojo; however, Suguru felt like having a teasing streak so he said it. Additionally, Suguru already knew Gojo rather well so he beat him to it.

Originally, Gojo wanted to give you a pink maneki-neko but he refrained from doing so.

Being a Red Panda mascot is actually Ijichi's part-time job. When Ijichi saw you, he panicked because he knew how close you were with Gojo and he didn't need that idiot of a man to have more ammo for his bullying. Yes, you instantly recognized Ijichi. You were so going to give him a piece of your mind later.

Gojo previously noted how exhausted you seemed after all those missions, and how Suguru was more quiet than usual so he decided a few days of hanging out doing dumb shit would help brighten you two up. Aw, Gojo is trying really hard bro. I almost feel bad for him.

A drunk Gojo must be a funny sight. Poor guy, something must've been stressing him out if he ordered a few drinks.

I missed your interactions with Ieiri so obvs I had to include some here. She's number 1 girl bestie.

Isn't it strange how fuzzy outlines put you on edge, to the point you'd easily defer to instinctive violence at the sight of it?

Who do you think the guy with the briefcase was? His appearance is actually more of a cameo ncjcj --- I'll give you a hint, he recently graduated from law school 🤪

What's the weird image on the back of the card? Who would answer if you called?

Maneki-Neko's are those kitties that wave their arm, they sit in front of shops. Usually. A black Maneki-Neko is designed to ward off evil and provide better security.

No, your eyes are not Pearlescent. In fact, your eyes are whatever color you want them to be, just with a little glow to them. Though, it should be noted, it's just like Gojo's eyes. His eyes are actually blue, but his soul's eyes are iridescent. So while your physical eyes are one color, your soul's eyes are another. (This only applies to cursed techniques that involve the eyes)

Drop a comment!

Feel free to buy me a 🦩

Hope you enjoyed!

[djarins-cyare]

✭ Series Masterlist ✭

Languishing in a dull and lonely existence on the forest moon of Endor after travelling there to help salvage Death Star wreckage, a nearly fatal encounter with a mysterious bounty hunter out in the forest heralds an opportunity to utilise long-forgotten skills and develop something more profound than you ever thought possible.

Second person POV, present tense. Set post-season 2, diverges from Canon events before TBoBF and season 3. This is a novel-length, exceptionally slow burn with an original plot, worldbuilding, and fully-developed characterisation. SWU concepts and lore are accurately researched.

WORDS: 406,560

PAIRING: Din Djarin x Female Reader/You

RATING: Explicit (18+)

CHARACTERS: Din Djarin, Reader/You/Female OC, Original Non-Human Character(s), Original Human Characters, Greef Karga, Cara Dune, Leia Organa, Luke Skywalker, Grogu, Peli Motto

TAGS: Slow Burn, Slow Build, Romance, Love, Sexual Tension, Eventual Smut, Smut, Sex, Sexual Content, Explicit Sexual Content, Fluff, Fluff and Smut, Fluff and Angst, Light Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Relationships, Healthy Relationships, Canon-Typical Violence, Blood and Injury, Dark Past, Additional Warnings In Author's Notes, Bounty Hunter Din Djarin, Soft Din Djarin, Touch-Starved Din Djarin, Din Djarin Needs a Hug, Smart Din Djarin, Soft Dominant Din Djarin, Ewok Species, Mandalorian Culture, Mando'a Language, New Razor Crest, Thoroughly Researched, Worldbuilding, No use of y/n.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This took me almost a year to write and four months to edit/proof. Each chapter is prefaced with specific tags and (where necessary) warnings, plus word counts. End notes contain translations and comments… this baby is thoroughly researched, so I’m sharing context where appropriate. I’ve also added definitions of in-universe terms so people less familiar with the franchise won’t be left wondering what the hell certain words or references mean. This is a slow burn (adult themes), and although the explicit content only occurs in the latter half, when it does, it warrants the ‘E’ rating. Basically, the first half is a love story, and the second half gets spicy. I hope you enjoy it!

READ THE COMPLETE STORY ON AO3:

(Chapters containing explicit content marked †)

Chapter 1: The Obstacle

Chapter 2: The Interrogation

Chapter 3: The Covenant

Chapter 4: The Snare

Chapter 5: The Strike

Chapter 6: The Groundwork

Chapter 7: The Genesis

Chapter 8: The Progression

Chapter 9: The Hide

Chapter 10: The Beast

Chapter 11: The Adjustment

Chapter 12: The Storm

Chapter 13: The Broadside

Chapter 14: The Intercourse

Chapter 15: The Village

Chapter 16: The Confession

Chapter 17: The Reprieve

Chapter 18: The Fortification

Chapter 19: The Ambush

Chapter 20: The Meridian

Chapter 21: The Homestretch

Chapter 22: The Union †

Chapter 23: The Overture

Chapter 24: The Crescendo

Chapter 25: The Harmony †

Chapter 26: The Cadence †

Chapter 27: The Ride †

Chapter 28: The Veneration †

Chapter 29: The Spree †

Chapter 30: The Tribute †

Chapter 31: The Courage

Chapter 32: The Feast

Chapter 33: The Exhibition †

Chapter 34: The Reward

Chapter 35: The Binding †

Chapter 36: The Synergy †

Chapter 37: The Match †

Chapter 38: The Flag †

Chapter 39: The Foundling †

Chapter 40: The Future †

✨Additional Media✨

@burntheedges has written a spectacular little drabble detailing what Din was up to during the paragraph break near the end of chapter 1 (*SPOILERS* you don’t find this out until chapter 27).

@roughdaysandart has sketched a fantastic study of chapter 33 and it’s absolutely perfect (*SPOILERS* cliffhanger ending for the chapter).

@djarin-desires has created some awesome AI images of a few scenes using Midjourney.

I spent a stupid amount of money on the Hot Toys official Din Djarin action figure, simply so I could photograph him in poses from my fic 🤷🏼‍♀️ This is just a taster of what’s to come, but here he is offering to help Reader climb onto the speeder in chapter 8.

🧡💚 Thank you for reading! 💚🧡

➤ MAIN MASTERLIST

Dividers by @samspenandsword

[moki-dokie]

rating the birds in my backyard on their tendency towards violence

@luulapants inspired me to make a bird post as well. we should talk about our local dinosaurs more! (not including the same birds from their post we also have here)

great-tailed grackle 7/10 physical violence is not how you guys operate. you wage mental warfare with a barrage of unending noises on the most annoying frequency imaginable to man. also some of you have mastered mimicry in the wild and this is simply too much power for a beast like you to wield. (similar to the common grackle but infinitely more annoying)

american kestrel 3/10 she's beauty, she's grace, she'll smack an eagle in the face. fearless and skilled little predator that delights me every time i get to see one. bit more secretive than other raptors tho.

red-tailed hawk -1/10 a majestic cry that always gets used for eagles in voiceovers, absolutely stunning, and a staple of the midwest and west but... baby ain't got a single braincell. head empty. mobbed on the regular by birds a tenth their size. i've personally watched a single sparrow harass one for 30 minutes before it gave up and ran away. can't steal shit to save its own life. scared of everything ever. they're basically horses of the birds of prey, if horses were a little less psychotic.

mallard duck 1/10 just little dudes doing their own thing. females can get a little aggro when nesting thats about it. sometimes pushy when food is involved. otherwise just chill, beautiful guys. but do me a solid, my web-footed friends? stop fucking nesting in my garden!! i don't like stressing you out when i'm tending to it!!

northern bobwhite (quail) -5000000/10 you're doing great sweetie just keep doing what you're doing. bob-bobwhite amirite

red-winged blackbird 4/10 you lot have a scare tactic technique that sparrows wish they had by just squaring up in numbers and looking fabulous while doing so. no notes.

eastern bluebird 0/10 they've literally never done anything ever wrong. perfection. little fairies but without all the deviousness. absolute cuteness. a blessing to be in ones presence.

scissor-tailed flycatcher 9/10 ahhh yes our stunning state bird. the herald of summer. the graceful acrobatic dancer. the beautiful singer. the brutal serial killer of all things insect. watching them 'hunt' is spectacular. one of the few birds that can hover. they're deadly accurate. almost exclusively capture their prey mid-air. but sometimes they'll get a bug too big to snipe on wing and do you know what they do in that case? they'll take it to their perch and beat it to death. remarkable.

carolina chickadee 4/10 don't let their round sweetness deceive you. they are full of spite and precisely zero fear. will absolutely pick on birds twenty times their size. small man syndrome.

mourning dove 0/10 hwoo hoo hoo hoo?

bald eagle, 2/10 WHAT are you doing this far south sir. we are landlocked my guy. the ocean is that way. big rivers and lakes are the other way. certainly there cannot be enough fish for you here!! surprisingly docile, for a giant raptor.

golden eagle 10/10 he'll eat your dog in front of you and then fuck your wife while maintaining eye contact with you the entire time. everything is afraid of this motherfucker.

great egret 0/10 they're chill and serenity incarnate. and their smaller cattle cousins are exactly the same. their size is the only thing intimidating about them. fuckers are HUGE

american goldfinch 3/10 food aggressive, mostly. lovely to look at. they really like to bitch up a storm tho.

california gull 90000000/10 nature's biggest asshole. we don't even have large bodies of water here. get out.

hummingbirds, all (ruby-throated pictured) 10/10 they choose violence every waking moment. god help you if you've forgotten to refill a nectar feeder. all they know is speed, feed, make things bleed.

barn swallow 9/10 Do Not Go Near The Nest. willing and able to peck you to death.

baltimore oriole 1/10 goofy guys with a great sense of fashion and one of the prettiest songs. they're just here to flirt and have a good time

greater roadrunner 3/10 i love our mini velociraptors so much i dare not speak ill of them. also one of the few birds that fuck outside of the need to reproduce. hell yeah my dudes get it on you freaky little dinos.

northern mockingbird 5/10 i think these guys are on par with how the europeans feel about magpies. they don't really steal shit, but they will, like grackles, commit psychological warfare by being the most annoying little shit possible. and sometimes they're bold enough to chase you. their hatred of cats outweighs their sense of self-preservation, too. they will get into a metaphorical fist fight with a cat. and win, usually.

eastern meadowlark 6/10 i know our prairies are awfully tempting to go frolicking in but unless you crave an unusual death that involves being relentlessly shrieked at with drive-by stabbings, i wouldn't recommend it. these guys are lurking in the tall grass, just waiting to fuck up your day.

black vulture 1/10 slightly smaller than their red-faced cousin, way more common here, and so so chill. they're all bark and no bite, unless you're roadkill. is one in the road blocking you from passing because he's chowing down on a dead opossum? go around, bitch. you are not important enough for him to get out of the way.

wild turkey 11/10 (males) female turkeys are pretty cool. they can be a bit Extra but generally they just want to eat. males, however. males would love nothing more but to beat you to death and then take a shit on your corpse. persistent. unyielding. once you have become a target your only hope is getting in a car and quickly driving away. if they don't beat the shit out of your car first, that is.

desert cardinal 2/10 these guys are great. they're not even supposed to be here. i always mistake them for female cardinals at first. about the same temperament as normal cardinals. they're weird but everyone seems to be okay with them.

great horned owl 8/10 so, so stupid and yet so spiteful. not a great combo. so ironic owls are the posterchild of wise when they're perhaps one of the dumbest birds of prey. its a wonder they haven't stupided their way into extinction. only thing this idiot has going for it is being so photogenic and has the most creepy mood-setting song ever.

[gffa]

"Could he just say that it felt right being at Obi-Wan's side when things might go sour?" Absolutely chewing drywall over how Anakin "I spend every second of every day thinking about how things could go wrong" Skywalker's immediate response to thinking things might go wrong is that he wants to run to Obi-Wan Kenobi's side and be with him. 10/10, no notes, absolutely spectacular characterization, that's it, that's the Obikin dynamic.

[starsherit]

Hi book club, how's everyone doing? Everybody make it out of The Volumes of Pain okay? Anybody need some Vashwood fix-it fics? Because I've just been reading everyone's posts on vol 9 & 10, and I sure as hell needed them!

These are in no particular order, but they're all fantastic and amazing:

I believe in the Kingdom Come, by tenshinokorin

Fantastic characterizations, for both WW and Vash, and a nice little twist to reincarnation in the sequel. Completed. 

Someday out of the Blue, by tenshinokorin

Sequel to the above, just as fantastically written. Completed.

CAUSE OF DEATH (See instructions and examples), by neatrogenous

Fix-it with a spectacular twist and amazing dialogue. Absolutely loved every single interaction in this. Completed. (ch 13/13)

Black is the Color, by tenshinokorin

Fix-it that features a ghost and Vash’s powers, a fic that takes its time getting to the actual resurrection but that time it takes is spectacular. Loved every bit of it (and all of tenshinokorin’s writing in general, tbh). Completed.

The lie behind the golden truth, by jevana

The reincarnation fic that I didn’t know I needed, but oh boy did I! WW is reborn as an independent. The world building in this is also top notch and lovely to delve into. On-going (ch 10/?).

nowhere left for us to go but heaven, by everythingeverything (yiqie)

Gah, this one! Post-Trimax, WW lives, they go on a trip, it’s got so much feels and it’s so well written! Also features VW taking over the orphanage and forests! Completed. (Prequel to this one is here but it’s on-going, ch 1/3).

Tomorrows, by fullmetalheart

Very good coping fic, very soothing for the soul imho. Reading it makes me smile in a uniquely quiet, peaceful way. Completed.

Just a Hobby, by fullmetalheart

I still remember how hard this one hit me at times, while reading. Resurection-in-far-future fic that’s done superbly, with great characterizations and one particular line (the title) that I’ll never forget. Completed.

AND SOME SADS BUT GOODS BELOW

Gaps of Sunlight, by ghosttopiary

I… don’t know how to describe this one. It won’t make anyone here feel any better. But it is absolutely gorgeous. Tissues and soothing background music recommended. Completed. 

IN EXCELSIS DEO, by adlvnam

This miiight make some people feel better, but damn is it ever heavy. It ends on such a light note, though, like a little peck of hope and sunshine after some dark dark dark. Completed. 

how can there be more when this is done, by tasteoflemons

Again, no words. Just… god just read this. It’ll tear your heart out and then won’t exaaaactly glue it back together, but… but you’ll love it. It’s so unique and beautiful. Resurrection… of sorts. Completed. 

[sweetheart-satoru]

“i think we should break up.” and your heart absolutely drops to the floor. “what?” you whisper, snapping your head in satoru’s direction.

“i just think i can’t be there for you.” he mumbles, avoiding your eyes. you tilt your head, “because of your work?” you mumble, tears gathering in your eyes.

he just hums, getting out of bed. “i have to leave now. sorry, l/n.” satoru is back on the last name basis, which makes you want to slam his head into his stupid wall.

he expects you to argue with him like you regularly do every time he brings up the fact you two should break up.

you don’t even know how to answer. so you don’t. “sorry it has to be this way. i’ll be back around 10, we can talk later then.” and he leaves his apartment in your care even after breaking your heart. he didn’t even seem like he cared at all.

-

while he was gone, he thought you were going to trash his place up. which he didn’t mind as he could easily afford to redo it. but you didn’t. you left it spotless. it was quiet, too quiet.

he looks on the kitchen island to see that you left a note.

i already took everything i left here that’s mine. we don’t need to talk about anything. also, i left you your box of stuff from my apartment in your room.

have a good life.

now it’s his turn for his heart to drop. huh? you’re not gonna convince him to stay with you anymore? not give him any reasons on why you two need to be together?

he crinkles the paper and tosses it out. “have a good life?” he scoffs, walking into his room to see you did in fact bring everything that he gave you or owned.

fuck, he thinks, rubbing a hand through his hair as he goes through all the memories.

-

weeks later he finds out you’ve been doing great in your life, spectacular even. not months- weeks. fucking only three weeks and you’ve already moved on from him.

what a joke.

he’s learned you got a new cat, you started seeing a new guy, you started painting again and post your art and lots more.

how does he know this? from his secret account that you don’t know he has because you thought you got rid of him when you blocked him on everything.

don’t worry, you’ll become his again. just wait.

-

notes: hey guys it’s been awhile 😭

i’m sorta maybe not back, but i wanna write part two and turn him into a yandere or sum idk 😞 lemme know what u think 🫶🏽🫶🏽

[aachria]

I have MANY things to say about chapter 96 so this is gonna be long-ish but you deserve every word of praise I'm about to type so buckle the fuckle up.

First of all, the dance scene with Usopp and then Luffy? Great, spectacular, outstanding, the way Ed understands Luffy so well like THAT is my otp and I am so fucking proud of them.

SECOND OF ALL. SANJI. Not only do you give that boy a scene tackling his bisexual (gay?) awakening but also a little platonic smooch that he so desperately needed? And then you give us ART of that scene? It feels so good but also I'm crying. Side note, Sanji definitely smokes Pall Malls, I can smell them from here.

Third of all, you write Brook so, so well. All I could get from him talking about Yorkie was that those two were SO attached to each other and Brook sees so much of himself AND Yorkie in Ed and wants to make sure they're happy so so bad. I want to be him when I grow up.

And that Nami scene. *chef's kiss* magnificent. Ed may have left a sister behind when that Honda Civic hip checked them into a different reality but they definitely got a new one in Nami.

Anyway that's all I had to say, congrats on Ed being compared to the legend himself Jeremiah Cross, toodles

Buckle the fuckle up is, respectfully, fucking hilarious.

I LOVE ED AND LUFFY. They are two halves of the same idiot with complete opposite types of smart. They round each other off but also make each other stupider, 10/10 dynamic.

I struggled immense with drawing that kiss let me tell you. But like goddamnit I wanted art of it so I was damn well gonna fight through making it. Sidenote I’m a full supporter of the bi Sanji agenda. Just fyi.

I honestly didn’t think I’d have near as much fun writing Brook as I do. He is the silly old grandpa who is also your bestie you visit in the nursing home. I try to balance that with the off putting shit every so often because yes you SHOULD remember that’s a cryptid. I don’t think Yorkie gets the hype he deserves in canon, that mf was ride or (literally) die ok put some respect on his name. Just a music lovin guy livin his life.

As always absolutely adore Nami and her and Ed are such a special duo.

Thank you bestie xoxo

[mapsontheweb]

Cities by Impressiveness of Mountain Backdrop / Rut

by u/Gigitoe

After seeing the recent posts Cities with a better mountain backdrop than LA? ( u/odi3luck ) and This is a response to the LA mountain backdrop ( u/sam_woke ), I realized that I had the exact tools to answer a particularly niche but interesting question:

How do we quantify how impressive a city's mountain backdrop is?

To answer this question, we use rut, an indicator I developed back in the days to quantify how sharply or impressively the surroundings of a location rise above the location. (my research paper if you're interested)

Roughly speaking, rut works as follows:

The higher the mountains rise above a city, the more impressive they are, and the higher the rut.

The steeper the mountains rise above a city, the more impressive they are, and the higher the rut.

In the map shown, I measured the rut of every city with a population of over 100,000. Here's some cities in each tier and their corresponding rut values:

S tier - rut > 500 m (world-class, would visit for mountain views alone) -

Pokhara, Nepal (1358 m) | Chamonix, France (1336 m) [not on map; population too low] | Zermatt, Switzerland (904 m) [not on map] | Yosemite Valley, CA (617 m) [not on map] | Innsbruck, Austria (584 m)

A tier - rut between 200 to 500 m (impressive, but probably wouldn't visit just for mountain views)

Kathmandu, Nepal (482 m) | Almaty, Kazakhstan (478 m) | Santiago, Chile (469 m) | Provo, UT (429 m) | Tehran, Iran (349 m) | Lhasa, Tibet (325 m) | Monterrey, Mexico (268 m) | Tacoma, WA (245 m) | Kabul, Afghanistan (232 m)

B tier - rut between 100 and 200 m (mountains in close proximity, or big mountains further away)

Salt Lake City, UT (180 m) | Reno, NV (151 m) | Tucson, AZ (141 m) | Seattle, WA (137 m) | Vancouver, Canada (136 m) | Los Angeles, CA (117 m) | Milan, Italy (100 m)

C tier (glorified hills nearby, or distant mountains, or very distant big mountains) - rut between 25 and 100 m

Denver, CO (99 m; if only it had one more meter) | Tokyo, Japan (94 m) | Hong Kong (75 m) | Seoul, Korea (56 m) | Rome, Italy (48 m) | Knoxville, TN (39 m) | Beijing, China (37 m) | Sacramento, CA (30 m)

D tier (hills nearby, or glorified hills in the distance, or very distant mountains) - rut between 10 and 25 m

Istanbul, Turkey (24 m) | Jeddah, Saudi Arabia (23 m) | San Francisco, CA (22 m) | Quebec, Canada (17 m) | Mumbai, India (15 m) | Brisbane, Australia (12 m) | Pittsburgh, PA (10 m)

F tier (flat tier) - rut between 0 and 10 m

Syracuse, NY (7.4 m) | Birmingham, AL (5.2 m) | Dubai, UAE (5.0 m) | Columbus, OH (3.2 m) | Washington, DC (2.6 m) | Shanghai, China (2.4) | Paris, France (2.1 m) | London, UK (1.6 m) | New York City (0.7 m) | Chicago, IL (0.4 m)

So to answer the question, what cities have a better mountain backdrop than Los Angeles? Quite a lot... quite a lot.

Here's the data spreadsheet that was used to generate this map!

Edits: switched Vancouver to downtown measurement, added more cities, switched to steepness explanation instead of proximity explanation.

----------------

Note: rut measurements only consider rise above surroundings (relative height differences and steepness). They do not consider absolute elevation, nor the "aesthetics" of a mountain, nor visibility (or lack thereof) due to weather or smog.

This visualization was made possible with Google Earth Engine, MERIT DEM, and GeoNames.

If you like rut, you'll probably like its older brother jut even more. Jut is an indicator of  how impressive, spectacular, or badass a mountain is—considering both its height above surroundings and steepness. If you want to find the most impressive mountains near you or worldwide, you may find the link above to be useful.

Let us know if you have any questions or comments—I'm happy to address them!

[madarasgirl]

A Night for Hunting Ch.10 -What Makes a Meal?

T/W: Alucard (Ultimate) x F!Reader, sexually suggestive content, but also some fluff. Romance, Riocard, shapeshifting. Smitten human with a crush. Seductive vampire troll, ‘dating.’ Comedy but not really? (things are amusing for Alucard at least).  Words: 5026 On AO3 @alastorhazbin

Thank you all for the birthday wishes! 

This chapter ended up longer than anticipated. Guess I was having fun too! I think it’s needed before the plot gets a bit more serious later.

I received a new shipment of orchids to add to my modest collection and I’ve been obsessed, if you can’t tell with my plant references.

Please read the note at the end of this chapter.

Alucard insisted on taking your number before you left for vacation with your closest friends. It was only a short trip away from home, but it was what you could manage. You ended up travelling to Scotland and visiting all the attractions of interest to your group, including Edinburgh Castle and the Isle of Skye. The landscape at the Isles was truly the stuff of legends. The soft light of late winter painted the sky deep pinks and purples during sunrise, the dusting of frost atop mountains were glittering diamonds in the morning sun before it melted into a shimmery dew, a series of picturesque waterfalls cascaded into the crystal clear Fairy Pools. It was a land of magic and enchantment more suited for a world of fantasy than reality. You almost wished Alucard was there so you could show him the beauty of the land and those spectacular sunrises. You captured countless photos to preserve the memory.

During a hike, your group’s passage disrupted a colony of hibernating bats, sending them fluttering in a noisy, chittering swarm. You scuttered away with your friends, yet you grinned even while squawking as everyone else did. These bats, however, did not possess scarlet eyes. Neither did they want anything to do with roosting in your hands as another bat did. 

He was at the back of your mind the entire time. Ever since you accepted your attraction to your immortal suitor, you thought of him frequently in increasingly fond terms. He was absolutely charming. It was frightening how quickly he came to occupy your conscious faculties. You hoped he’d appreciate the small gift you were bringing back to him. 

The vampire phoned at night on several occasions. Unfortunately, he did not allow you to elude him with only texting, stating that it was no proper way of communication. Once again, you were pleasantly surprised by the conversation with him. He was the most attentive audience as you excitedly recounted the adventures of the day, then he agreed with your hotel roommate as she teased you about ‘your boyfriend’ in the background of your calls. Curse his vampire hearing. You trembled at the deep voice on the other end. Between them, they had you tumbling into a flustered puddle of stutters and you terminated the call, telling him to let you be and that he was being an idiot.

You fell back on the mattress and pulled the sheets over your head so your friend wouldn’t see the stupid grin on your face. The butterflies in your stomach fluttered again as you recalled the smile you heard in Alucard’s voice during the call. --------------------

At last you were home in England. Considering the circumstances on how you met, the eagerness with which you wanted to see Alucard might be astonishing. His dastardly ways were mostly unchanged, yet his hunting of you for sport was long ago. Your current relationship was decidedly warm. 

There was no way you could treat him to a fancy restaurant, so you invited him over for dinner. It seemed like an excellent choice of activity until Alucard expressed his excitement about the prospects of you feeding him, only for you to repeatedly remind him he was not drinking from you again.

Sweet, I have arrived.

You fumbled with the lid to the pot before catching yourself and safely setting it down. You rushed to the entrance with a huge smile and pulled it open, only to stop dead in your tracks.

Huh?

Your smile dropped at the bizarre sight. It was undoubtedly Alucard on the other side of the door. You would never mistake those fiery eyes, the immense stature, and arrogant demeanour for anyone else. Yet he was different. His thick tresses revealed his hairline and fell straight past his rear. He wore a tailored black suit that fit him to perfection and a conceited smirk that matched the enthralling sunset gaze. There was something about his appearance that made him feel more unsettling and dangerous than usual.

You knew the vampire was a shapeshifter, yet you edged backwards when faced with the unfamiliar. His eyes glittered with mirth at your hesitation and his fingertips landed on your cheek with a delicate touch.

“Surely you have not forgotten me in a mere week, Dear?” He jested, rattling you out of your stupor.

As if that was possible. You shut your mouth. Yup, this was certainly Alucard. “I –I could never.” You meekly stepped aside to let in your guest and stared at him as he strode in like he owned your home.

“This is a gift for you,” he pronounced, setting a basket of yellowish, fragrant orchids in your hands. “It is known as ‘The Lady of the Night.’ It suits you.” It was a living arrangement of the whole plant, not just the cut flowers, and you shook your head at the vampire’s double meanings with a sigh. 

“Thank you. They are lovely.” You accepted the gift graciously and took a quick whiff of the citrusy fragrance that was to die for. The door shut and locked behind the vampire.

Alucard was in excellent spirits. He scented your excitement from behind the door and in truth, he was equally eager to see you. It smelled divine, the aromas of home-cooking and your nervousness mingled to tantalize his senses. He took in the sight of you standing awkwardly beside him, wondering if you were supposed to offer to take his coat, and grinned fiendishly. How adorable without even knowing it.

“Sweet, you should know the physical form I assume is meaningless. I may appear as whatever I desire.” 

His handsome countenance suddenly melted into whispering shadows. You gasped as his snakelike tongue lolled before he warped into a bipedal horned monster leaking darkness. His body stretched and broke open to reveal smooth bone, before sinewy muscle fibres formed over skeletal limbs and were encased in fresh skin. Those overly long, disproportionate fingers dripped of the night and you held your breath. You weren’t sure if you were afraid, but you couldn’t tear your eyes away from the grotesquely fascinating transformation. 

The monster dropped onto all fours, the horns elongating into antlers and with a series of crunches, the beast moulded itself into a giant elk that took up all of your living space. The metamorphosis was disturbing, but Alucard remained the most majestic creature, even as the elk sprouted eyes along its snout and down its hide. It stared into you for the longest moment and you didn’t look away, then it shrank into a dog, though the extra eyes remained.

And suddenly he became your Alucard again. 

The jagged shadows lashed about before flowing back and forming his familiar face, the darkness rippling around him with a crimson glow. It seemed the magic show was over and you were both silent. You finally released your bated breath. Instead of feeling terrified by the gnarly sight of Alucard remaking himself as if he was liquid, you giggled, then laughed out loud in wonder. You approached him to caress his hands, inspecting the digits that were reformed without any sign they were any longer mere moments ago. You stroked his cheeks, then went to the top of his head. No remnants of horns either.

Alucard’s brow lifted at your reaction. You were…excited by the prospect of having your own petting zoo? Yet he was not affronted by your debasement of his abilities as a Nosferatu. He made you laugh again and he basked in the sound. Tucking a strand of hair behind your ears, his smile matched your own toothy grin that showed your canines peeking through, so tiny compared to his fangs. 

You kept giggling, tucking a strand of imaginary hair away, unconsciously mirroring his actions and your eyes glittered as you lunged to embrace him. Such an unexpected and gratifying response you welcomed him with. His expression softened.

“Welcome back, little one,” he murmured, wrapping an arm around your waist.

Your lips parted and then closed. And opened again. You buried your face in his chest. “I missed you too, you jerk,” you mumbled, burrowing deeper when you felt the vibrations of his laughter. “I have something for you too, from Scotland.” Holding out something furry with both hands, you presented to your vampire a little stuffed toy bat. 

His brows raised before the orange pools spun and the light caught their golden flecks. He took the bat and studied it with a toothy grin, flicking a fond glance at you before tucking it away in his duster. “Delightful.”

You beamed bashfully and pulled apart. “Come on in, vampire, dinner is ready.”

You led your guest inside and seated him at the table. The seats were set and everything was just about cooked. All that was left to do was to plate the dishes and pour the drinks. You excused yourself briefly to use the bathroom.

Alucard settled into his seat while you used the facilities, listening to the sounds of your bodily functions, enjoying everything that made you human. Everything that was a normal life. His eyes opened as you returned and finished your preparations, materializing beside you to assist with preparing the beverages and floating the entrees over, making you shake your head in glee at his ‘magic tricks.’

He tugged at a chair to slide it across the floor with a hushed whisper, then tucked you back into the table once you were seated. “Dig in!” You proudly announced, quickly layering your bowl with an assortment of goods. 

As you tore into the deer, you peeked up at him in confusion. He made no moves to serve himself. You almost snorted. He may be your guest, but was he so insufferable he was expecting you to serve him like he was a king?

“You aren’t eating? Go ahead.” You pushed a dish at him and dabbed at the escaped sauce from your lips, not missing the way those predatory eyes followed the movement. 

“I will eat,” the vampire replied cryptically.

“You should while it’s hot. It’s venison stew, perfect for this weather! It’ll warm even you up,” you snickered, plopping a sizable serving into his bowl.

He didn’t reply.

This was getting awkward. You tried to chew quietly as your head spun. Was this some archaic vampire ritual where he was supposed to allow you to finish eating before he began? Did you mess up the dish somehow? Perhaps he preferred his meats more undercooked, bloodier? You somehow doubted it was because he didn’t consume meat. There simply didn’t seem to be a hint of a vegetarian in Alucard.

“The meal is perfectly divine, little one.”

The reassurance didn't help. “Then why…” You trailed off. The vampire was enamoured by the process of you eating. You set down the spoon as you finished swallowing.

“Alucard, you’re getting creepy again. You were expected to eat too, you know, not just stare at me.”

He chuckled. "You still wish to feed me?" 

“That was why you were invited.”

“As you wish, little one, but you are not feeding me.” 

You fixed the flattest, blankest stare in his direction. The quietness was nearly deafening. You made him a feast that blanketed every inch of the table. What game was he playing at now?

Sunset eyes got brighter and that grin grew wide. 

“Oh hell no. You’re a grown ass man! I’m not spoon-feeding you like you’re a toddler!”

“That is the only way I will eat human food.” He licked his lips.

“Then don’t eat! See if I care!” You huffed in disbelief, shoving in another bite to chew angrily. All that time spent preparing this plethora of dishes to perfection for this uncivilized beast. More for you, whatever. There will be plentiful food for the week.

The minutes stretched as you ate in silence by yourself. Childishly, you sliced the already tender morsels with more force than necessary to make a point. Several times, your gaze flickered up to check what your infuriating guest was doing, whether he was bluffing or if he truly expected you to demean yourself. An uncanny stare scrutinized every aspect of the way you consumed your food and suddenly you couldn’t remember why you missed him.

Grinding your teeth, you at last threw your hands up in frustration. “You really are insufferable!” You scooped up a slice of deer and shoved it at Alucard’s annoying mug.

The vampire's grin split even wider with his victory and the meat slid into his mouth. He started purring. “Heavenly. Were I still living, I would have appointed you a chef in my castle.”

You rolled your eyes at his grandiose words of praise. Even if he was a Duke or a Count or anyone of enough importance to warrant living in a castle, his manners were clearly plebeian. His appreciation for your efforts would be more apparent if you didn’t need to basically beg him to eat it.

“Come here, sweet one.”

“I am here,” you deadpanned.

“Your obstinate struggles against my will, as entertaining as they are, will always be fruitless, little human. Come here.” He scooted back in his chair and placed a hand on his lap. 

The audacity! This was your home. 

You had half a mind to demand he leave, but what were you going to do? Try shoving him out the door? He’d just phase through and mock you, if he even let you move him. If sitting in an ancient vampire’s lap to feed him dinner was the only way to expedite the process, so be it. Begrudgingly, you grumbled and plodded over to drop onto one of his thighs, only for him to scoop up your legs and drape you sideways over his lap.

You pouted and glared at him to show your displeasure.

“You really are charming when irate,” he purred, sticking his nose to your throat to nuzzle it. He inhaled. “For the aromas.” He chuckled when you tensed. “I am ready to eat, Sweet.”

You leaned away while pushing at his jaw to create distance, feeling the twitch in the corner of an eye as you picked up the fork and lanced the first piece of deer from Alucard’s bowl before lifting it to his lips. They wouldn’t part.

Not like that. His voice appeared in your mind, immediately followed by an image of yourself holding the cut to his lips between your fingertips.

“You really are going too far.”

“Humour me and you will find your freedom sooner.”

Picking up a slice of stew meat, you shoved it at the beast as you blazed with fury. He accepted the offering instantly, cool lips closing around your fingers to suckle. You squeaked in horror and yanked your hand back while he swallowed what you gave him whole.

“What the hell?!”

He smacked his lips and leered at you through lidded eyes. “Next.”

Gulping down your apprehension, you raised the next piece to his mouth and looked aghast as that scandalous tongue made a reappearance. Alucard made a show of licking your hand, beginning at the palm with a tickle and wrapping around your sauce-coated fingers. He lapped slowly at your fingertips as his eyes flashed, before gingerly taking the deer between sharp teeth and sucking it back with a wet slurp.

The hair on your arms stood on end, making your skin tingle. Your eyes met and his hand tightened around your waist. The other stroked up your thigh and squeezed your hip. Something else like appendages rubbed your shoulders and feet and held you tighter to him. He crooned and licked your jaw before capturing your lips to nibble on. The lounging beast sighed happily as your eyes bulged and you squirmed with discomfort on his lap.

“For the added seasoning,” he murmured against your ear.

That was just rude! 

The vampire cackled and flicked at your bottom lip again, making you flinch. “There exists no seasoning superior to your own taste.”

Piece by piece, you fed the old vampire by hand while he held you hostage in his lap. Despite feeling thoroughly harassed, eventually you couldn’t help but feel slightly flattered about your culinary abilities that elicited a response like this. If he liked your food so much, you supposed you could just cook for him again but skip this degenerate’s feeding kink, although being perched on his lap was not too bad. Neither was his touch wholly unwelcome. 

You pet his cheek while he chewed, his expression the face of pleasure. Nuzzling into your palm with a moan, his eyes opened to slits when you brushed up one side to investigate the pointy earlobe. He kept purring as loud as an engine.

Your eyes focused on the dancing shadows that surrounded him. They floated and twirled and seemingly pulsed at times. So mesmerizing.

Your unoccupied hand dipped cautiously into the shadow tendrils flowing around Alucard. He shuddered and growled, so low it was nearly imperceptible. A single wisp wrapped around your hand and you held onto it. Making contact with it was the strangest experience. Alucard's shadows were just that –not really tangible, yet you were able to physically touch his darkness. It buzzed in your hand with arcane energy that rippled through your being and tickled your spirit. Finally, you let him go, unable to bear the sensation any longer, and dropped your head on his broad shoulder to rest.

The heat was probably too high in your apartment after so much cooking. Your shirt clung to musky armpits and you fidgeted on Alucard’s lap as the undead cat finished another bite. He inhaled deeply, heavy purrs rumbling through his chest and vibrating through you. What a pervert. Always too suggestive. Always too attractive.

You absentmindedly gave him another piece, nipping on your lips and staring everywhere except at him when he started licking again. Something hard slid against your finger, catching your attention. The goddamn vampire was dragging the side of a fang against your ring finger. You held your breath, but again, it wasn't fear you felt, only curiosity at where he was going with this when he plainly stated he had no intention of biting you.

You caught the wicked smirk and glint in his eyes, now a deeper shade than at the onset of the meal. Again with the teasing. The air was heavy, the aura of mystery and danger swirled. His hair was longer and the locks fluttered despite the lack of a breeze. The lights dimmed before coming back on, throwing contrasting shadows across the pale profile you enjoyed looking at so much.

This smug vampire knew he was magnificent.

Your body responded aptly. After being subjected to hearing and feeling him purr all night, as well as the sensation of having his hands on you all night, you fell victim to his allure… the devilish monstrosity was simply irresistible. It felt like you were sitting in a furnace when you lowered your gaze from his triumphant one.

There it was, the scent of arousal. Alucard inhaled loudly, nostrils flaring as he absorbed his victory, ensuring you knew he was fully aware of your state of restlessness. Human food may be disgusting, but the taste of your skin was sweet ambrosia. For it to be finally paired with this ravishing perfume? Alucard believed he would never have enough of this gourmet delicacy.

The vampire was rock hard. A stiff shaft prodded your rump, large enough to make an impression even through fine wool and the awkward positioning. Your wide eyes lifted slowly to meet his, your shock at odds with his amusement.

The hands returned, the touch now lewd compared to the gentle exploration earlier. A shadow hand massaged your breast, alternatively kneading the mound between its palm and fingers. He traced circles around the tip to create a pebble before he pinched it. Your guest took your lips, prodding insistently until you yielded to his demands. Cold muscle delved into your mouth and he growled as he slid around to conquer and explore. Something firm held the back of your head when you attempted to escape. Another hand. His hands were everywhere, stroking and grabbing until you writhed in his grasp.

Your musk got heavier as your underwear became saturated with fluid. Even you smelled it. Alucard keened and encouraged you to touch him. A strange energy embraced you, leaving you gasping and he smirked with satisfaction. 

Curiously, you rested a palm on his chest. He had no heartbeat. Your heart was pounding, but there was nothing beating in his, nothing to show that you weren’t the only one hot and bothered. A moment of trepidation flashed by and passed. Resting your forehead to his chin, you trailed down his torso to rest lightly on the front of his pants. It was held up with steel that strained the smooth material into an indecent tent. You cupped it width-wise, its girth taking up most of the curvature your hand created, and tentatively ran your palm down the length. Down and down and down your hand travelled, until the end ran under your leg and disappeared.

Sweet Jesus, how big was this monster?

He hissed in pleasure as he made another show of licking your fingers, sucking them into his maw one by one. The devil held you spellbound through glowing vermilion orbs. No…you searched within your consciousness…the ancient vampire wasn’t hypnotizing you. This was all you. The revelation was more frightening than anything.

You shivered.

“What say you? Shall we search for nirvana this fine evening for dessert?”

“E-excuse me?”

“As I proposed, I will mount y–”

“I know how the mechanics work!” You screamed, your face on fire as you suddenly found yourself free of your prison and you scrambled off of him in an uncoordinated tangle of limbs, tripping over yourself and landing on your rear by his feet.

Alucard threw his head back and roared raucously as he leaned back to watch you. Eyes opened on the ground and curled in laughter to join in. The extra extremities disappeared. As did your desire –in just these few seconds, your libido jumped off a cliff and died, to be replaced by total mortification.

Not knowing how to recover, you picked yourself up from the floor as the vampire shook his head and chuckled. Stomping down the hall, you turned and hollered, “Time for you to leave! I’m going to bed!” Nevermind the fact that you just ate. 

The door slammed behind you and you crumbled to the floor in a panting heap, the mind racing to process what happened. A vampire, you were about to lay with a marauding predator of the night. Sinfully beautiful, but a ruthless murderer nonetheless. You hugged your legs and tried to calm yourself.

It was futile. You too craved his presence.

“...”

You sat alone longer at the edge of a precipice, the distance providing some much-needed clarity, until you finally stood shakily with your fingertips lingering on the door knob, about to flip the switch when you stopped yourself. If you were to be honest with yourself, you didn’t detest this vampire anymore. You would not mind if he stayed the night. 

…The bedroom door was left unlocked.

-----------------------

You stirred, sticking out a leg and kicking over to the other side of the bed, the cotton sheets brushing softly against your naked skin. With an arching back, you stretched the entire length of your body, from the tips of your fingers to the bottoms of your feet, and yawned. The muscles in your legs cramped from being perched in one position last night. Your toes poked out from under the blanket.

“I bid you good morning, little human.”

You sat up abruptly and found the unblinking crimson set of eyes in the corner of the room. For a moment, fear shot up your spine, the terrifying recollection of being at the mercy of a red-eyed monster who wanted to rip into you on another occasion made your blood run cold. 

But there was no need for alarm this time. Your heart raced even as the fright dissipated.

There he was, sitting on the grey loveseat with his legs crossed and a frown marring his features, his fingers loosely intertwined. Shooting a panicked glance over to the window, you saw there was indeed light filtering around the edges of the curtains, illuminating the bedroom with the gentle rays of morning. But the sun! Why wasn’t he going off in flames? Did he just watch you sleep the entire night? 

“Why are you here?” You asked dumbly.

The frown turned upside down and the vampire cackled, two rows of jagged teeth gleaming like a bear trap. “You invited me in, little one.”

“But you stayed the night?”

“Watching you breathe,” he purred, “listening to your heart beat.”

Creepy, psychopathic behaviour, but then again, this was Alucard you were referring to. You held the sheets closer to your chest before remembering to check on your state of undress beneath. You were the same as how you went to bed, crotch still clammy from the devil’s seduction last night.

“I meant the sun. How are you alive? Shouldn’t you be a pile of ashes?” 

He smiled. “Your legends generally do not apply to a true vampire like myself.”

Indeed, Alucard actually looked fresh and well-composed, as if he didn’t spend the night sexually harassing a young woman and then ogled her as she slept. The fog in your mind slowly retreated. A true vampire… There was so much you didn’t know about the supernatural.

You rubbed your eyes and blinked at him. "So the sun doesn't hurt you?"

"No more than it harms you, though I may despise the day."

"Then how about garlic?"

He snorted.

"Crosses? Holy water?"

"Mere irritations."

"Silver?"

"Ah– that may cause injury." The vampire closed his eyes and snickered. "So curious about my existence, little one. You want me dead?" Hellfire bore through your soul.

Dead?

You froze, unsure of how to respond. Did you want him dead? Vampires were a menace to society, a scourge. Wouldn't the world be better off without demons like him wandering it? “You are already dead. But…I can’t say I want you gone for good anymore…”

Silence. The fire burned warmly in those molten pools. "You are such an intriguing creature," he murmured.

You shuffled in bed and propped up a pillow behind your back, being careful to keep the sheets draped over your chest, thoroughly conscious of your nakedness. A million questions bloomed in mind as you sat quietly across from this ancient creature a few paces away, who witnessed the eras come and go. Was it okay to ask now?

“So…how did you become a vampire?”

He sat back and tilted his chin up in thought before staring down his nose at you. “At the end of my human life, I chose vengeance and hate."

You perked up. To be or not to be. "So your sire gave you the option to become a vampire?" You recalled his reaction the last time you inquired about his sire. Hopefully vampirism wasn't a fate that was forced upon him.

Alucard didn't respond immediately. "I have no sire, little human."

You were mildly confused. That was how vampires were born though, wasn't it? Vampires created vampires, as they also gave rise to ghouls. Alucard himself told you so. It seemed the more you learned from him, the less you knew. There was always another secret.

You blurted it out, much more directly than the last time you broached this topic months ago. "...Do you ever regret it?"

He looked sad, wistful, and your heart churned for a demon. What was this feeling? His gaze dimmed, turning downcast as the frown returned.

"Cherish your humanity, child."

Not knowing what to say, you reached for him and he came to you immediately, kneeling by the side of the bed and resting his face in your hand. You ran your fingers through the silky hair you adored and the vampire sighed against your touch.

You pondered Alucard's words as you pet him. So many questions. "Then what about that vampire you shot? Is he like you? Are there other vampires like you who don't bite?"

Alucard tensed before smiling slightly, though it didn’t reach his eyes. “I’m not something so vulgar and cheap. And I do bite.” A hand shot up to grasp your wrist by his face.

You were undeterred. You put your other hand to his chest and once more noted the lack of comforting beats. His touch wasn’t gross like with the other vampire. In fact, physical contact with Alucard no longer made you feel the need to shower. His aura no longer urged you to run and hide, or face mortal peril. Actually, this was quite pleasant.

His face came within inches of yours and you felt his icy breath as he spoke.

“If you can kill me, I would gladly die by your hands.” He purred at you, pressing your hand hard into his chest, leaning heavily into your touch and lowering his head to rub noses.

To be or not to be. You snorted, “As if that’s even in the realm of possibilities.”

“Only a human can kill a monster.”

“You are not making any sense.” You’ve seen what he can do. He had superpowers while you were a normal mortal. Kill him? What a joke.

Alucard chuckled, “No, I suppose not.” A gloved finger bumped softly against the tip of your nose and he closed the gap between you. Luminescent irises whirled, his gaze affectionate. You stared back into the balmy gaze as you let your lips and foreheads touch in a tender meeting.

Minutes had passed when you pulled apart.

“Okay, you got your show. Time for you to leave.” You sighed, brushing a thumb against his cheek one last time before dragging your sheets with you to keep yourself modest as you rose from bed to pull open the curtains.

He was gone from your room when you turned back.

~To be Continued~

Chapter 11: Interlude I Chapter 12: The Feeling of Safety

Notes:  For those of you not familiar with Shakespeare’s work, Hamlet, “To be or not to be, that is the question” is probably the most well-known line from his play. This infamous soliloquy is referring to the decision “to live or not to live,” something Hamlet pondered as he discussed how painful living is and how death may be preferable, if it weren’t for the uncertainty of what came afterwards. Hamlet was suicidal. It is deeper when Alucard said it because he wasn’t merely referring to his ‘cowardly’ decision to turn (“to be a vampire”), but also how by choosing ‘to be,’ he ended up damning himself to an eternity of unlife instead. Alucard wants to die.

While I think Alucard wasn't constantly shagging everyone prior to meeting us, I headcanon that he is normally open to sexual relationships with humans should they be interested (and if they interest him). And if Alucard is sexually interested in someone, he will certainly at least try to seduce them. Alucard is extremely suggestive, very sensual, and the type to take a mile if you give him an inch. If you let him in your pants once, he'll be seeking opportunities to charm them off again. He knows he's attractive, good in bed, and that we’re hot for him. 

So now I feel like I kind of lied when I said "no smut" in this story's initial tags (hey it was supposed to be a oneshot), but I think I actually can't avoid some racy content if we're to get to the point where we want to give Alucard all of ourselves. This fic had mature themes from the beginning, so I believe most readers won’t have too much issue with more sexual content, but explicit smut scenes will be mostly in the interludes from this point on. It is now officially “eventual smut/NSFW." Things will be spicier here and there. The Interludes can be skipped and readers will (probably) not miss too much. Just FYI, they eventually do pretty much everything except fuck “all the way,” ie. P-in-V sex. BTW, next chapter is an interlude. It features period blood and is really not for everyone (but hey, our dear monster is a vampire), in which case I hope you’ll enjoy Ch.12 more!

Above: Brassavola nodosa, The Lady of the Night. Not my orchid, but one I eventually want to add to my collection. I wasn't aware of this, but apparently in some cultures, it represents the connection between the living and the dead. Only at night it is fragrant, releasing a smell that is described as citrusy or like gardenias.

[blackwatervial]

The Pete Show.

For my rewatch of The Pete Show (sometimes and more uncommonly known as KinnPorsche The Series La Forte), I will be noting down time stamps in which the main character Pete (from the Pete Show) makes an appearance. I will also, as a little bonus, add appearances of his romantic interest “Vegas”. Today:

Episode 3

After the absolute Pete-fest that was episode 2, treating us with nine glorious Petes, episode 3 is on the lacking side. Still, the Petes it offers are nothing short of spectacular (mostly because Pete is physically incapable of being anything but spectacular)

We have to wait 7 minutes and 22 seconds before seeing our beautiful boy sprawled out on a couch. This Pete is very enabling. The way he looks at Porsche tells us "I am Pete and I am shippable.", which is why, next to canon-shippers, connoisseurs of niche ships also like him very much

The next Pete, who we meet at 21:20, is one we've never seen before. A Pete who deals out violence without flinching, who beats up a guy without batting an eye. He's an antithesis to the characterisation he has presented before, a juxtaposition to himself and the first direct sign that tells the viewer: Watch this space, we are building something great here. These are a lot of words to express that I'm absoltuely feral about this Pete and I want to sink my teeth into him and shake him

Okay enough of this, forget everything I just said!! Because! Now! Comes! Babygirl! Pete!!!! Timestamp 34:10 with a special shoutout to 39:37, my love! Here we see Pete in one of his favourite black-and-white leisure outfits. There is probably some symbolism here about black, white, and shades of grey but I don't care because Look! At! Him!

Are you seeing him? Isn't he just the cutest little guy? I found him at the local shelter and took him home, put him a little enclosure and twice a day I poke him with a stick and make him do fun little tricks!

This episode, despite having not many instances of Pete, captures the very essence of The Pete Show. We have basic Pete, badass Pete, and babygirl Pete all in one package deal. What a Treat!

Previous Pete Show Posts

[ohmyenjolrass]

things i adored of the catalan version of jesus christ superstar

so i just saw the catalan version of after discovering there is one (it's here, check it out!) and i think it was ABSOLUTELY AMAZING. shoutout to @this-is-a-name-dont-worry for making me discover it <3

catalan is my favourite language and i am lucky enough to speak it every day, and this production didn't disappoint at all!

so as a tradition in this blog, let's review my favorite parts!

first of all, i adored the setting and the cast. the costumes were also fabulous. so the whole aesthetic of the show was impeccable, giving me the same vibes as the 2018 nbc version. 10/10 for scene.

now, specific things. many of these things have to do with lyrics because i think the translation was EVERYTHING.

heaven on their minds is always a banger, no matter the production. one thing i loved about this particular version was the lyric obri els ulls i escolta el que t'he de dir / que no veus que no vull veure't morir?, which literally translates to open your eyes and listen to what i have to say / can't you see that i don't want to see you die? (more or less).

that translation changed my life forever.

the percussion break right before what's the buzz? gave me +20 years of life.

then, judas's expression during mary's bit was so funny.

and also, some note changes during strange thing mystifying that i LOVED.

i also think it was clever how judas was arguing with the apostles in the background during the first chorus of everything's alright.

moreover, the way mary soothes judas in the second chorus

AND HOW THEY CHANGE THE LYRICS SO THEY CAN MAKE IT PLURAL (like mary talks to both jesus and judas).

ANNAS IS A GIRL !!!!! and an amazing performer, gotta say.

also, the little dancing of the priests during this jesus must die.

i adored how in hosanna, jesus and judas enter together and then mary joins them (and judas gives her a little kiss!!).

also judas telling the crowd to be chill while caiaphas sings.

and how he gets mad when jesus talks about heaven.

SIMON IS A GIRL !!!! and also SPECTACULAR.

the way pilate and jesus look at each other just before pilate's dream.

the priests being in the temple during the scene.

mary confessing to jesus during i don't know how to love him and jesus ALMOST KISSING HER???? WOAH.

a priest offered judas some food while he was having a mental breakdown in damned for all time and i thought it was the funniest thing ever.

okay so during the last supper happened a lot of things

first, JUDAS SMOKING. i'm always a fan of that (please, don't smoke).

also, during their first confrontation, judas says deixa'm que t'expliqui (let me explain) to jesus, and I WANTED TO CRY

the way the apostles tidy up the table after jesus and judas's first fight.

at the end, judas looks for comfort in the apostles AND THEY REJECT HIM???? the audacity.

gethsemane was in general absolutely stunning, but some things i liked about it is the way it was translated. the song in catalan seems like jesus is asking god to show himself so that he can see that everything is real. HEART B R E A K I N G.

ANOTHER HEARTBREAK. the lyrics just before the song starts say ningú es vol quedar despert amb mi? / no em deixeu sol avui, which translates to none of you wants to stay awake with me? / don't leave me alone today. I MEAN.

some other lyrics that destroyed me were the pre-chorus. in catalan, jesus sings: vas donar-me llum / però ara sols veig fum / esperant que tú vinguessis / vaig donar-te el que tenia / una vida / no pots esperar més d'un home sol, which translates to you gave me light / but now i only see smoke / waiting for you to come / i gave you what i had / a life / you cannot expect more from only a man. I MEAN X2.

peter's voice was one of my favorites.

and also, herod serving cunt in that animal print trousers. chef's kiss.

judas's death affected me more than any other production

in superstar, judas singing de debò el teu sacrifici et converteix en salvador? which translates to does your sacrifice really makes you a savior? in the cuntiest way possible. yes, king.

and to finish, the timer above the cross going down before jesus's death.

if you reached this point, hi! i hope you enjoyed it, 'cause i know i did. check out this production, it is truly amazing. see you in the next post! x

[nabwastaken]

so I watched Heathers live

so for those unaware, the musical Heathers is currently on tour throughout the UK and I got to see it since it's in my town rn! (Shoutout to my brother for buying the tickets). I saw it live so here's a few notes and my review on it

For context I have seen and listened to the Original Off Broadway version, but have not seen the West End proshot and only listened to the added songs for it.

Also I have horrible memory so I may get stuff or misremember stuff wrong. Feel free to ask me a few questions abt my experience in the replies/rbs

Let's jump in!

Notes and Observations:

Ram and Kurt were really good. Like, they had awesome comedic timing and were always a treat to see onstage

Heather Chandler STOLE THE SHOW!!! Her actress was so talented and she rocked the vocals of Candy Store so much. She had such a presence every time she was onstage

But my favorite of all of them was JD. God, he was so fucking good. The Freeze Your Brain climax? Mwah, chef's kiss that was amazing. I was legit at the edge of my seat throughout Meant To Be Yours. When he yelled “VERONICA!” There was legit a growl as he yelled it out.

Kurt's Dad in Dead Gay Son had a fantastic voice

One of the nerd ensemble members was really funny. Like in Shine a Light he just shoved himself in front of Fleming to dance and that was so funny

The accents were WAYYY better than on the West End cast album. Which makes sense, apparently JD's actor was Canadian

There were a few lyric changes. Can't name them off the top of my head but they caught me slightly off guard when I heard them (particularly in Dead Gay Son with a whole verse)

The added songs weren't that bad! I still prefer Blue to You're Welcome but seeing it live changed my opinion on it and Kurt and Ram were both shoving each other and fighting throughout the number and it was really funny (though it was unintended). Thematically I still refuse to get behind the song tho (but that's a post for another day) Never Shut Up Again was so good!! Heather Duke absolutely ATE IT UP AND LEFT NO CRUMBS. I Say No was.. fine tho.

And the lighting was spectacular. There was specially colored lights for each of the Heathers that would shine on them after their big numbers and during Never Shut Up Again there's a REALLY cool thing where they rip off Duke's clothes to reveal Heather Chandler's red ones and then the lights turned to red and started flashing everywhere in the theatre. And during Dead Gay Son all the lights were rainbow colored. AND WHEN THE SCHOOL BLEW UP ALL THE LIGHTS JUST FLICKERED AND STUFF IT WAS SO COOL

Shine a Light was great. Fleming was absolutely hilarious and they all had these bedazzled jackets. When she asked for volunteers literslly all the students behind her raised their hands but she kept going anyway. There was a bit where after the "Steve, I'm ending our affair!" Part a spotlight shone on a random man in the audience and Fleming just flirts with that poor man. Like it's a lot it and it was hilarious. Later on in the stage door she says that it's improv every night and at the start of the show she picks an audience member and then writes it down on the board.

Speaking of the stage door: Everyone was so nice! We got selfies with them (that I will not be showing for privacy reasons) and some of them even signed my program!

Overall thoughts:

That was really good! Solid 8/10 from me. It holds up on par and sometimes even better than the original off bway cast! If you live in any of the cities they're touring to next, I would highly recommend buying tickets and checking it out if you can.